#i've had baby fever for MONTHS now. i know i want to be a mom one day. hopefully i run into my kalieah again one day

[yagirlqueenie]

shout out to the baby me and @bunnyai adopted from Hawaii and got us to move there in my dream that lasted a whole month dream time last night. I woke up so fucking confused in my bedroom, babyless, 11AM the day after Christmas.

u will be missed bbygirl😭

[dontcare77ghj]

Baby Fever

Tony x reader x Steve x Bucky

Parenting Universe

"Mom?"

"Da?"

"Did you ever think about being a mother again after Ohio?" You asked, internally wincing as your mother froze.

"I didn't stop being a mother after we were separated, dorogoy," Melina said, turning towards you as she leaned against the sink. "I spent all my time keeping you girls safe from what Dreykov wanted to do to you all. And then when he was gone, it didn't feel right to fill that hole." She told you. 

"Right." You said slowly, nodding in understanding.

"Besides, I had the pigs. I was busy enough. Why do you ask?" She asked, raising a brow.

"It doesn't matter. It's nothing." You shrugged, focusing on the mug in your hands.

"Don't lie to your mother. She can smell them like bloodhound." Alexi said, entering the kitchen with a bloody bag from the butchers.

"You know me so well." Melina smiled, patting Alexi on the cheek as she took the bag from him. "And yet you never remember the wine." She tsked, moving towards the fridge.

"Ah, not this time!" Alexi exclaimed, pulling a bottle of red wine from behind his back.

"If that was from your pants, I'm not drinking it." You were quick to say.

"Oh hush, is still good." Melina waved you off, kissing Alexi as she took the bottle. "Now, out with it. Why the baby talk? You're not pregnant. Is Peter pregnant?"

"Mama, Peter's a boy."

"I know that I can see, dorogoy, but we don't know all his spider powers, do we?"

"Oh my God, Mom, Peter is not pregnant!" You hid your face in your hands, wishing your sisters would hurry up and get here. "I only asked because the boys and I were talking about maybe adopting another." You admitted with a sigh.

"That's fantastic! Melina, we're going to be grandparents again!" Alexi exclaimed, rushing to pull you into his chest.

"Nothing's set in stone yet, Dad." You groaned as your lungs started to collapse.

"Why not? Malysh, Y/N." He whined.

"We're trying to work things out, Dad. We've still got to ask Peter, and work out logistically how it would work with work, and" You started to explain, only for Melina to wave you off.

"Oh, you think too much. You don't have to think about children. You have children. You have other children. It is life." 

"You know we were all technically abducted from an orphanage, right?" You asked, raising a brow.

"The point is life happens, and sometimes you don't have time to think it through," Melina told you.

"Yes, life happens, roll with punches, all good. Now hurry up and decide your mother and I are getting old. We want to meet the new grandbaby. We want to see great-grandbabies. We want to see it all." Alexi said with a clap.

"Great-grandbaby? Is Peter pregnant?" Yelena exclaimed, entering the room with Natasha behind her.

"Someone kill me." You groaned, smacking your head against the table.

"This feels like an intervention." Tony sighed, slipping into a seat beside Bucky.

"You would know." You snorted, sipping your smoothie.

"In all fairness, the last one did work." Bucky pointed out, wrapping his arm around Tony's waist. "He hasn't had raw cookie dough in seven months."

"I miss it."

"Seriously, Tony?" Steve sighed, lifting your legs and placing them on his lap when he sat.

"Oh, lighten up, med." You said, offering the blonde your smoothie as FRIDAY announced Peter's arrival.

"Underoos, take a seat," Tony said, nodding to the bean bag you'd placed before the four of you.

"Okay, if this is about the putty arrows, it was entirely Clint's fault," Peter said, raising his hands innocently. "I told him not to do it. I told him it would piss off people, and he made me help. I am very susceptible to peer pressure,"

"Okay, I am going to stop you right there," Tony said, holding up a hand. "This isn't about the arrows, though we are gonna circle back to that later,"

"And talk about peer pressure," Steve added, causing Peter to groan.

"No more Rappin' with Cap. I've seen enough." Peter complained, collapsing onto the beanbag. "Okay, if it's not the arrows, what did I do wrong this time?"

"Why do you just assume you're in trouble?" You cocked your head.

"Because this feels like an intervention."

"What did I say?" 

"Don't yell in my ear, Tones."

"You don't kill people you love. You don't kill people you love. You don't kill people you love." You muttered to yourself, rubbing the space between your eyes as the two continued to argue.

"Getting back on topic," Steve said, causing Bucky and Tony to fall silent. "We just want to get your opinion on something, and we want you to be completely honest with us."

"Honest like we are about Mama's driving, or honest like we are Dad's cooking?"

"You're grounded."

"What's wrong with my cooking?"

"The driving one, kiddo." Bucky chuckled. 

"We have been talking, the four of us, and we would like to expand this family. Our family." Steve explained, watching Peter's face carefully.

"You want to have a baby?" Peter gasped. "Wait, no. That doesn't make sense." He said after a second thought.

"Med, we're thinking of adopting." You told the teen.

"And, just for clarity, bud, it's not happening yet," Bucky spoke.

"Yeah, right now, we're just laying the groundwork, seeing what happens." Tony nodded. "And your opinion matters here, so be honest, you know,"

"I'd get to be a big brother?" Peter cut Tony off, looking between the four of you with glassy eyes.

"If that's what you want, of course, med." You nodded.

"I'm gonna be a big brother!" Peter screamed, launching from the beanbag and towards you and Steve. The teen wrapped his arms around both your necks, squeezing you both tightly before moving on to do the same to Tony and Bucky.

"I take it you're okay with this?" Bucky clarified as Tony fake choked.

"Yes!" Peter exclaimed, pulling away. "Are we thinking boy? Girl? Twins? Triplets? Oh! I could make them a suit." He gasped. "I love you guys! I'm really excited, but I gotta call Ned!" He said, blowing kisses before turning on his heel and rushing from the room.

"Well, I guess we have Pete's approval." You smiled, hearing the sound of his door slamming shut.

"See, there was nothing to worry about," Tony said, rising to a stand. "This calls for a celebratory drink, but since I'm sober, who wants coffee?"

"Nat, I need a drink." You huffed, falling face-first onto Natasha's couch.

"You need to get your feet off my couch," Natasha said, wacking your legs with a magazine. "Who raised you and Lena?"

"Murderers." You said, shfting to sit upright.

"Why are you moping? Why are you moping on my floor? I'm trying to watch my movie." Natasha sighed.

"Well, I can't mope in my room because Steve's doing some mindfulness meditation yoga bullshit that's making me question my marriage to him in there." You said, running your hand over your face. "And Tony's hiding in the lab, and Bucky took Pete to the Lego store, so you're all I've got."

"Alright. Alright." Natasha said, pausing her movie to turn to you. "What happened?" 

"We got another rejection letter." You sighed, letting your head hit the back of the couch. "No one wants us to adopt."

"Well, that's bullshit. Why?" Natasha asked, moving towards her drinks cart.

"One wouldn't take us because of Tony's past, another for me and Buck's, a lot said no because we're poly, and there's a few that won't take us because we're avengers." You told your sister as she poured two drinks.

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." She said, handing you your drink. 

"To be fair a lot of people are dead because of me."

"Oh yes, terrorists and murderers. A lot of human traffickers on that list as well."

"Nat,"

"What have we talked about?" Natasha cut you off, taking your free hand. "C'mon, say it."

"For as much bad as we've done, we're trying to do the same good." You sighed, trying to believe your words meant something.

"Look, every reason they have listed is bullshit, and I'm surprised Tony's not suing to be honest," Natasha told you.

"Steve's handling the lawyers." You said before downing your drink. The burn a familiar and comforting feeling.

"It's probably for the best." Natasha hummed. "I don't get it. There weren't this many problems with Pete."

"We were his legal guardians. May made it very clear in her will." You shook your head. "According to the lawyers, it would have been a lot harder without that."

"Look, Y/N, you guys are great parents, which is surprising given how you all grew up,"

"Buck and Steve had stable childhoods."

"As stable as it could have been in the forties, sure." Natasha amended. "But you four are good parents. Peter loves you, and you are doing better than your best to keep him alive and in school. There are other adoption agencies, and any kid would be lucky to have the five of you."

"Thanks. I love you, Nat." You said, leaning over to hug your sister.

"Love you too," Natasha said, patting your back. "You want to get drunk and watch the rest of this with me?"

"God, yes."

"I'm ready to just call it a year." Bucky sighed, laying his head on your lap. 

"It's March, med." You reminded the brunette as you tangled your fingers in his hair.

"It's been March for six years." He groaned.

"I know." You sighed. "You think either of them are going to come down for lunch?"

"Steve was still on the phone with the lawyers when I checked." Bucky shook his head. "He was starting on the risking our lives tangent so he'll be a while."

"Tony had three cars pulled apart when I went to check on him." You said, causing Bucky to roll his eyes. 

"Married life. You feel the bliss yet?" Bucky asked, causing you to chuckle.

"Well, I think it's too late to leave ya, so I must love you lot."

"Mom? Pops?" Bucky pulled himself upright and the two of you turned to see Peter hovering in the doorway.

"Hey, bud. I thought you were out with Ned." Bucky said, gesturing for the teen to come in.

"I was, but it looks like he got what his sister had last week because he upchucked halfway through the movie," Peter said, settling onto the recliner beside the couch.

"Hm, lovely." You wrinkled your nose.

"Yeah, but at least it wasn't on my lap this time, like when we went to Coney Island. So, that's something." Peter shrugged as Bucky chuckled.

"Your Dad wasn't exactly thrilled to have you in the car after that one." 

"Well, I'd let you into my car, but I wouldn't be thrilled." You told the teen.

"Your Ma doesn't like vomit." Bucky teased.

"No, I don't. And I'll thank you to keep that to yourself. I don't need terrorists finding that out and vomiting on me." You shuddered, poking Bucky's side before turning to Peter. "Well, since you're home, you want to have lunch with us?"

"Yeah, sure. Are Dad and Pa going to join us?" Peter wondered.

"I don't think so, bud," Bucky said after hesitating. Peter frowned at the words but didn't say anything.

"Pete, everything okay?"

"I wanted to ask, is everything okay?" Peter asked, causing you and Bucky to share a look.

"What do you mean, dorogoy?"

"It's just that it's been a while since we talked about you guys adopting, and nothing's happened, but you seem upset," Peter said, shifting uncomfortably.

"Come sit, kid," Bucky said, shifting and patting the space between the two of you. Your arm wrapped around his shoulders, and Peter relaxed into your side.

"There are just a few people who aren't exactly keen to let us adopt, but it's alright, it's just a couple of setbacks. We're working through it." Bucky explained, placing his hand on yours.

"I'm sorry." Peter frowned

"There's nothing to be sorry for, Pete. It's not your fault." You promised, squeezing the teen's shoulder.

"I know, but I know that you wanted this," Peter said, looking between you both. "I know you wanted a family."

"We have a family, and we love our family." You promised, kissing the side of his head. "Having another child was just an idea." You added, sharing a sad look with Bucky.

"Yeah, just a thought. But we're pretty happy with how things are right now." Bucky told the teen, pulling him into a side hug. 

"You know what? I am going to get the boys. Family lunch, no excuses." You said, jumping to a stand and rushing from the room.

When you were safely in the elevator, and the doors closed behind you, you allowed yourself to curl in on yourself and let out a half-sob.

It was just an idea.

Life continued to move on. Six months later, you, Tony, Steve and Bucky came to an uneasy acceptance of the situation and, for the most part, put it behind you.

You had the Avengers, your family, Peter, and each other and that was all that mattered.

And unfortunately for you all, the world still needed your help.

"Spider-Man, I swear if you jump in front of another bullet, you are so grounded." Tony snapped over the coms. "I'm too young to have another heart attack."

"It's not my fault. I'm trying to neutralize like you asked me to. I didn't ask to be shot at." Peter snarked, causing laughter to be heard over the gunfire as Tony gasped.

"Sass back! Oh, you are so grounded!"

"If you two are done, I found an exposed vent. I'm going in." You interrupted the two.

"Exposed? That sounds risky, doll." Steve worried.

"Oh, it wasn't exposed before now, don't worry." You said, shimming into the hole you'd created.

"Oh yeah, because blowing a hole in the wall is real subtle." You could just hear Tony rolling his eyes.

"Unlike you, Tones, I don't blow holes in walls." You said, slowly crawling through the vent.

"Damn, Stark, what did you get up to in your playboy days?" 

"Y/N, there's a heat signiture coming from your left." Bruce spoke, watching through FRIDAY and guiding people where he could.

"You see anything weird up there, all knowing one?" You asked, turning left.

"It's a small heat signiture if that counts." Bruce said as you came up to a grate. You kept just behind the vent for a moment, trying to hear if anyone was outside, but when you heard nothing, you ventured to peak through the mesh.

"There's a lot of blankets out there." You frowned, seeing nothing else in the sparse room. 

"Maybe it's just a rat." Steve suggested as you watched a blanket move and something peek out.

"Oh shit." You swore, quickly pulling the vent free and jumping to the ground.

"What, you scared of a little rat, Y/N?" Clint teased as you knelt down. 

"Shut the fuck up, Barton." You swore, staring unblinking at the bundle before you. "I'm gonna need medical and some help in here." 

"Y/N, what happened?"

"On my way, Mama."

"Speak to us, Y/N."

"There's a baby here. A live one." You said as the baby before you started to cry.

"Live?"

"There's a lot that aren't." You said, reaching out to pull the baby into your arms and shield them from the sight. "Someone's gonna have to call Xavier. I think these were all mutant children." You said, brushing tears from the baby's blue skin.

"I'll handle it," Bruce assured you as you started to bounce the baby soothingly.

"It's okay, malen'kiy. You're safe. I have you." You hushed, fixing the blanket with one hand. "No one I don't know is coming through that door, okay? Anyone bad tries to touch you again, and I will shoot them." You promised.

"It's not what you say to a baby, Y/N."

The baby let out a snuffling sound as it reached a hand from the blanket and rested it on your collarbone.

And for the first time in so many years, you wereactually surprised at what happened next.

"Holy fuck."

"The files definitely indicate female at birth," Tony said, placing the manilla back on the table. "So we can stop calling her it."

"FRIDAY, did the files help turn up on any living family?" You asked as Bucky played got your nose with the baby in your hold.

"No boss spider." FRIDAY replied. "I found the death certificates for an Elijiah, Mila and Raven Darkholme as well as the burial plots for Elijiah and Mila."

"I'm going with they faked Raven's death certificate." Bucky commented.

"I have also concluded the same for the six other children found today." FRIDAY informed you all.

"I hate HYDRA." Peter shivered, looking down to Raven who had taken his thumb and was getting salivia all over it.

"Well the social worker said she can stay with us until they find a home to take her." Steve said, reentering the room. "She said it might take longer than normal."

"What? Why?"

"There's not a lot of orphanages for mutants, Pete." You said, smiling when the baby made her hair look like yours.

"Yeah, unsurprisingly she had space until I mentioned that part." Steve shook his head, sitting on the coffee table before you. "Doesn't Charles have space for her?" 

"Wheels doesn't have a space for babies yet," Tony said, reaching out to take the baby from you. "You're holding her wrong."

"We'll have to order some supplies." You commented, laughing when Raven copied Tony's goatee.

"How are we supposed to know how much we need in supplies?" Bucky asked, looking to Steve, who frowned.

"Depends on how much the social worker was exaggerating." Steve scowled.

"So, she just goes into the system?" Peter asked, causing you all to turn to him. "Into a home where there's no one like her? Where she may not even get adopted?" He clenched his fists.

"Pete," Tony started, stepping closer.

"It's not fair, Dad." Peter shook his head. 

"We know, dorogoy." You said, reaching out to take his hand. "That's why they want her to stay here until they can find her a home with other mutants. So she doesn't grow up alone."

"Why can't you take her?" Peter asked, causing the four of you to look between each other.

"We can't just claim a child, Peter." Steve shook his head. "She's not a lost pen."

"No, but you could adopt her. Like you did me."

"Pete,"

"She deserves a family who'll love her, and you've always made me feel loved."

"Aw, kiddo."

"And you know she wouldn't be alone in this family. We're all different kinds of different."

"Well, you do eat cereal on the ceiling."

"And I would be the best big brother. I'll teach her to love Star Wars, the perfect amount of butter to put on popcorn, and I'll teach her all the best ways to avoid FRIDAY for when she's a teenager."

"You know, you were doing real great until you got to that, right?"

"You took me in when I had no family left, and you gave me a family. Why can't we give that to her?" Peter asked, smiling when Raven let out a coo.

For a moment, you all stayed silent. Contemplating Peter's words before,

"You know I don't go to church much anymore, but ma would call this a blessing." Steve commented. "She would call her a little blessing." He nodded to the baby in Tony's arms.

"No matter where she goes, HYDRA will be after her." Bucky murmured, placing his hands under his chin. "We could keep her safe. Try to give her a childhood that they can't take from her."

"Buck." Tony gently handed Peter Raven as he sat beside Bucky, wrappping his arms around the super-soldier.

"Dad? What do you think?" Peter asked, adjusting his hold on Raven.

"I think she grows a better beard than you do, and you're almost seventeen." Tony was quick to quip.

"Dad,"

"Look, this is what we wanted, right? To give you a sibling? To expand our family? Why are we looking the gifthorse in the mouth?" Tony shook his head. "I say we take the chance. It may be our last one."

"Mama?" Peter turned to you.

"When I got out of the Red Room, I knew I could never have children after what they did to us. And I didn't think after all we've done, that I deserved any." You admitted, staring at the wall behind Peter's head, where a photo from your last beach trip hung proudly.

"Mama,"

"But you changed my mind." You said, looking to Peter with a smile. "You are my child, and I would burn the world down if you asked me to, and as soon as that little girl looked at me with those same trusting eyes, I knew I would do the same for her."

"Y/N?"

"Call the lawyers in the morning. They can start making arrangments." You smiled, reaching out to take Raven from Peter. "I guess this is welcome home, malen'kiy."

"Y/N!"

"Be quiet, Alexi!"

"Don't hit, Melina! Yelena, you see the abuse your mother heaps on me?"

"Please get him to lower everything." You sighed, looking to the bedroom door.

"Why? He's your father." Tony smirked, coming up behind you and wrapping his arms around your waist.

"Your father-in-law. I didn't have a choice, you had a choice." You said, leaning into the hold.

"You love him."

"I love him, but if he wakes Raven, I will kill him." You promised, causing Tony to chuckle.

"Go, I got this." Tony said, kissing you before heading towards the sound of your other family.

It had been two months since that fateful day you had found Raven and your family had been completed. Surprisingly, everything had gone smoothly with the adoption.

Your heart hurt to think of the children like Raven who were struggling to find a home, so you, along with the Avengers were working with Charles Xaviers school to make this less of a reality.

And now you were free to watch your children together and only allow yourself to feel happiness.

Both your children lived in rooms down the hall from you, Peter a little further down because no mater how much you soundproofed his room, sometimes he could still hear the four of you.

And while you were happy that meant you'd always hear Raven cry, you worried that Pete would still have to to.

As you neared Raven's room, you heard a familiar sniffling but before you could enter the room intent on drying your daughters tears, you heard something that made your heart swell.

"It's alright." Peter cooed. "Dedushka is pretty loud, but he makes up for it with pretty great hugs. Babushuka's probably already warned him to be careful with you, so you don't have to worry about crushed ribs." You peaked around the doorway to see Peter holding Raven and making faces at her.

Raven let out a laugh as she attached her hands to Peter's face, taking on his hair and eye color.

"You know, I don't like loud things either, but we'll talk to Dad, and he'll be able to make something for you like he did for me." Peter said, bouncing back and forth. "Did you know our family are superheroes? Yeah! They save the world. They saved you and they saved me too in a way. And you know what, this family is never going to let anything happen to you.

We're really lucky, you and me. We got picked by the best family because no matter what we do, they're always gonna love us. And I meant it when I promised to be the best big brother. You are never going to hate me a day in your life, and I am always going to be here."

Peter finished his speech by pressing a kiss to Raven's hairline, causing her to flash him a big gummy smile.

"Should we tell Mama we know she's in the doorway?" Peter asked, turning to face you with a smirk. "You're slipping, Mama."

"Not a spy here." You shook your head. "Just a very happy mother." You smiled, walking over to embrace your children. "I love you, Pete."

"Love you too, mama."

"And I love you, malen'kiy, but I do have to make you suffer through your dedushka." You spoke to Raven in a high pitched tone.

"You love dedushka." Peter accused as the two of you made your way to the living room.

"I do, but it's fun to tease him." 

Remember, all Taglists are open, as are requests. Taglists include the main taglist, individual characters, all male/female, and venom stories.

Taglist

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Tony Stark Taglist

@mxxmochaa

[eemcintyre]

Random thoughts I had during my fifth viewing of the cinematic masterpiece "Cocktail" (1988)

Well... more like my 5 2/3 viewing bc I got like 2/3 through it and then my mom was like "why didn't you tell me you were gonna watch it, I would have wanted to watch it too" so I lied about how far I was through it "there's still a lot left we can start it over" and I watched the same movie almost twice in a row in the span of a few hours :)

"Wild Again" by Starship is one of the only good songs tbh, although "Addicted to Love" and "When Will I Be Loved" are also pretty alright. But the soundtrack is lowkey horrendous imo

I stand by my previous standalone post- no one has ever been that excited to get on a fkin Greyhound bus

Benefit of the bus, however- the scene with him and the baby; I feel like Tom just vibes really well w kids because he's such a smiley, fun, and chaotic lil guy and gREAT now I have baby fever again thx 💖

Oh the blatant plot exposition about his parents that they beat us over the head with oh-so-subtly

Oh the foreshadowing throughout that is even less subtle

One of my favorite quotes in any movie, bc it makes me feel better about my life being in disarray and not knowing what to do about it, I guess, is the “Most things in life, good and bad, just kinda happen to ya.”

Tom's still got his high little baby voice 😩

Even as a college graduate, the interviewing scene hits way too hard 🥲😩

Someone needs to acknowledge that the Red Eye looks like the most disgusting thing

Wish the dress shirt and tie fit had been featured more because it does things to me, but the scenes contrasting his first and second shift at the bar are when I first developed TC brain rot and fell in love w that lil goofball

I can’t judge the girl giving him the "fuck me eyes" bc have you seen him, plus she’s showing restraint compared to what I would do tbh

The adult learners usually drove me nuts in my classes (which I know is terrible but shhhhh) but I felt so bad for Sheila Rivkin

This professor really thinks he’s doing standup comedy or smth

Honey don’t put your face on the subway stairs that's arguably more disgusting than a Red Eye

The timeline of this movie is pretty hard to follow tbh; much as I adore it, you never know every time a scene changes whether it's been two days or like 3 months

What the actual fuck was the whole yuppie poet thing about- it's like when I used to watch those 60s Frankie and Annette movies where the weirdest shit would just happen for no reason and I felt like there was some social commentary or inside joke or smth that was just going way over my head that, if I had existed in that time, would have just been like "oh yeah that makes total sense"

The amount of raw sexual energy that this man exudes- I remember someone's post from a while back that was like "why is Cocktail like a 'mom' movie that all the moms are still obsessed with" but just like imagine if you saw this in theaters when it first came out

The only man allowed to wear beach shirts and look sexy, change my mind

I've always thought Elisabeth Shue is so incredibly underappreciated as an actress, smth about her line delivery and expressions just seems very genuine and naturalistic idk

She just orders “a beer” WHAT KIND???

So scary tbh how much he was becoming like Doug even being apart from him for a while

The side eye and shade Jordan gives Doug in this scene cracks me up every time without fail

The reggae singer absolutely popping tf off in his silver lamé suit ✨

Brian and Jordan both pulling the “I’m not like other girls” lmao

Sure she’s lowkey a manic pixie dream girl but I still love her

WATCH THE ROAD WHILE U DRIVIN THE CAR BRIAN 😤

If this movie was remade in modern times (God forbid) Brian would 100% be one of those guys with a hustle culture boss up motivational entrepreneur Instagram account. And Doug would perhaps be one of those cringy creepy pickup artists that talks about low-value women and compares them to horses and thinks he can mind-trick them into falling madly in love w him

If someone was waking me up early every morning to drink carrot juice I would commit crimes

The artist guy who made that exhibit looks like the oiliest man I’ve ever seen

Jordan’s dad says “bartender” like it’s a slur

When Brian tears up the check it always makes my lil heart just 💗💫🥺 the character evolution

Why did I only have this thought on my like fifth viewing of this movie, but I wonder if he hadn’t escorted Kerry back to her apartment if he would have gotten back in time to save Doug, and then who knows what would’ve happened bc then he wouldn’t have felt compelled to tell Jordan how much he really loved her and ask Pat for help and all that

WHEN HE FIGHTS EVERYONE OFF TO GET TO JORDAN what can I say, I'm a sucker for grand and melodramatic romantic gestures and proclamations of love

The teasing and singing along at the wedding is getting a little too real guys stop making this awkward 👀😬

I don’t care how unrealistic the end is, and that in real life they would have 100% soon gotten divorced, bc I want to believe that people can change and that all of the tribulation was worth it + enough for Brian to become a good dad/husband and successful but with it not being above and at the expense of his family; he would be such a fun and chaotic dad and their life would be so hectic w twins but I want to believe they could do it :( it comforts my cynical and depression-addled brain to believe they could do it :(

[giraffeonstrike]

My daughter is over a month old now and I've noticed some things in that month that I never even thought about before.

It was my idea to have a baby. My wife wasn't against it but I was definitely the one feeling some urgency about it. I know that men can pretty much lend their materials for all of their adult lives but I'm in my 40's, would like to be alive and able to participate in the child rearing process so it felt like there was a clock ticking on that. So, my entire thought process was "we can afford a kid and I want one so let's do it."

Easy for me to say. Easy for me to think.

My wife, bless her, had a complicated pregnancy for reasons I would let her get into if she wanted to but I'll just say I was concerned for her life and safety the entire time and it wasn't for no reason. She labored for a long time, ended up having a csection she didn't want but was necessary, and now that the baby is here...she spends all day breastfeeding a very prodigious eater.

When we go out, she deals with people's dirty looks and comments when she feeds our daughter as if breastfeeding isn't just a way to keep a kid from starving to death. As if some humans haven't had tits sonce there's been humans. But make no mistake, when she gives her a bottle on occasion, people complain about that too.

I think back to when we found out she was pregnant and I told her, completely seriously, not to worry and that I'd take care of everything. And now...what I can do in taking care of our daughter ain't shit put up against what my wife is on the hook for.

I have a mother. Have had one my whole life. I'm also the oldest of three and somehow completely missed our mother being run ragged by the responsibility of keeping the three of us alive. Completely took for granted the fact that my father never really had to deal with us when we were sick, or just being rotten. It was always Mama. My daughter had a little fever today, and usually she's Papa's girl but no one would do but her mama. Wanted nothing to do with any of the rest of us. Only mama.

One of my cousins told me once, "I don't feel like a good mom." My dumb ass, I really thought that as long as your kids were clean and fed you were doing great. So I said that and she looked at me like I was the biggest idiot she'd ever had the misfortune of encountering...because I was. Watching my wife, daily, do the hundred thousand things it takes to make a child feel safe, to support growth and emotional wellbeing...and to do another hundred thousand *different* things for my stepson who is a teenager with completely different but still very important needs I've realized nothing is ever going to be as simple as men make it seem.

I've realized I'm kind of an idiot.

I've realized I just could not do this without her. I'd fold like a fucking t-shirt on laundry day.

I've realized we just don't value mothers' work like we should. Stay at home mom is a career, not a vacation, and we're lucky they don't charge for their services.

And again, always and forever, I've realized I'm an idiot.

[lucaswarmhotchocolate]

I always wondered why adults wanted me to be proud of myself for doing hard things when I was younger, hard things are just. things. you have to do them. why would I be proud of myself for doing something I didn't enjoy? pride is for things that are fun. anyways a lot of it was adhd but also a lot of it was the way I was raised. eldest daughters of single mothers, or maybe just me as the child of my parent, just Do Things that are hard. you take care of your little brother (not when he's sick on a school day though, school is still mandatory for you then, however if he is sick on a weekend you should help out) do the dishes feed the cats brush your teeth take a shower do laundry fold the towels Help Out, because that's what you're supposed to do. But don't forget that we are desperately trying to pretend that middle class ideals and ways of life are applicable to us, so don't fall behind on your schoolwork, make sure to make friends, get Hot lunch since we can afford it thanks to Obama and more inclusive free lunch programs, make sure to get a fruit and a vegetable though even if you just want fruit and have to waste a vegetable because that's the only way it's free, don't stay after school late though -- just because you're in middle school now doesn't mean your brother is, you have to be there when he comes home, make friends but I don't like those friends and also I'm going to ground you specifically from your friends whenever you fail to babysit your brother or do the dishes or if I'm just in a bad mood and want to blame something on your friends. Also, all men and boys are evil and I hate them and you need to tell me when you get a boyfriend (I dated a trans guy in secret because they were a couple grades above me and I adored him so much and started questioning my gender because of them introducing it to me, but I didn't want my mom to ban me from seeing him. in hindsight it was fine! we were adorable! when I ruined the relationship I had nobody to cry to though. I didn't tell my mom until last year and she almost grounded me as revenge for not telling her)

also you know what fuck prose here's some more bullshit I'm thinking of

when I was like 7 or something my dad (shorthand for my brother's dad cuz I thought he was my dad for years) told me I could only have my million dollar shaped chocolate bar from gramma and pop-pop if I drank some of his fireball whiskey. it tasted bad but I got my chocolate a few shots later. I didn't tell anyone till a couple years ago in therapy. Also adding this while re-reading the whole post again but he stripped me down to just my nightshirt once (yeah he even took off my underwear it was so normal and not at all weird of him) and tickled me! and told me about how nice it is to sleep without underwear on! I hate him. hope all that smoking gives him lung cancer and the years of alcoholism gave him the worst liver ever. I'm more mad at him for using his belt on my baby brother.

my mom likes to say she's so accepting of me and she used to be an ally but now she's bi and cool good for her she still grounded me from going to pride when I actually had friends who were inviting me. now I have no friends and nobody to go to pride with and quite frankly I have no pride. I'm tired.

everytime I have gotten sick, ever since i was a little kid, I've stayed sick for longer than what's is "normal." my theory is that I simply have no tolerance for pain or discomfort, and need more rest compared to most people in order to get back to my usual self. somehow everyone in my life is still surprised when I have a mild cold for a week at a time.

in my first year back at highschool after covid hit I was sick every month. literally had a more consistent recurring cold than I have ever had from my period. I was literally so stressed my body freaked out and made me sniffley, congested, throw up, run fevers for an hour at a time before cooling down again, have no appetite and need to sleep for days at a time. my mom still tried sending me to school like that and honestly she got her way an irritating amount of time, and usually also either refused to drive me or got mad at me while driving me and always said something right at the entrance to the drop off area.

I had such a visceral reaction at the idea of entering my high school's building I would literally be late to first period by 5 minutes almost every day because I would have to psych myself up to go through the doors. I'd spend hours in the bathroom crying or sitting on the floor with my head in my hands. I'd use and abuse the oh-so-generous 10-15 minute breaks they allowed the entire student body to take to the point where on my IEP that my therapist fought to get me, they actually specified I was only allowed to have 5 minute breaks! as expected this caused me to go hide in the bathrooms EVEN MORE instead. I couldn't even stay in just one, I had to go walking around to change which bathroom I'd hide in or else they'd send someone to fetch me. I was considered a truant for most of my high school career and still nobody ever set up consistent fucking meetings with the fucking. idek the person I was supposed to be talking to according to my IEP. idk what position she filled. she was supposed to be talking to me for 30 minutes a week MINIMUM but I saw her one time for 30 minutes. literally once. I switched to an alternative schooling program for dropout risks and kids with behavior issues before I had a second meeting with that woman.

My mom has never responded to my meltdowns with anything other than anger, stress, and more anger. When I cried as a child she would yell at me to stop it and has explained that she just "didn't know what to do" and goes through the whole song and dance about her abusive dad literally every time I bring it up. she still yells at me when I cry. when I have meltdowns I'll sometimes bang my head against a wall and the last time I did that she decided to grab my fucking head.

I've always been viewed as the "family chef" because I liked food and the food network as a kid, and even though my mom always says that she agrees if I cook I shouldn't have to clean, and that she and my brother love when I cook because neither of them are fucking doing it, she always gets mad at me for not cleaning up after my cooking. I dont know how many times I've explained that I don't have the energy to cook *and* clean, and since nobody else is cooking I kind of have to it would be nice to have lowered expectations for me to clean things up. I continue to be the only person to cook, or at least put real effort into making a nice tasting meal that others enjoy, and my mother continues to berate me for leaving a mess after myself. I still do dishes! I just can't do a lot of them and so there is still a mess after i cook or eat. i am still always always always put down specifically for not doing the dishes and even though it's just me cooking for the whole fucking family, the humble trio of us, the most I get is praise. "thank you for cooking! it's so good! I appreciate you ♡" it sounds nice, right? it's just like. how the fuck are you gonna say that and then not help me clean after I cook and then get mad at me for not cleaning and then continue to either not cook, or make such blatantly shitty and lazy meals that taste absolutely horrible or have no nutritional balance at all? Like I can't just go on a strike from cooking! I'm so hungry! I haven't eaten anything nutritionally balanced, just ramen and ice cream for the last couple days, and I feel like shit. absolute shit. there are pantry goods and stuff I just don't have the energy to macgyver a full meal out of it all and not only am I not eating, nobody else is either! my mom just doesn't care though because my brother has his grandparents to help take care of him and my mom is fine without proper meals and I look at dungeon meshi memes wishing I was able to cook something nice and warm and balanced and then coming to terms with the fact that I can't right now and nobody is helping me.

my mother probably is emotionally abusive tbh! she sucks when she's doing bad. she is terrible at emotional regulation and views me as a fully grown adult who doesn't need to rely on her at all. I think she legitimately thinks I purposefully take advantage of her, rather than thinking that I rely on her because she told me I could for so many years that I never expected her to get mad and take it back.

My vocab is annoying. my mom gets annoyed easily. you get what happens.

my school is an alternative option to me dropping out, since the trade-based career preparation "alternative education" center didn't work out well for me (I have crippling anxiety in the most literal meaning. it is not a meme or a hyperbole I get so anxious I panic and shut down and it's comparable to a soldier with ptsd hearing fireworks. cannot stress enough how much I am not kidding) anyways, it's a one class at a time style education, all online. I'm not making as much progress as they usually expect, but I think I'm doing okay since I try to communicate with my "Relationship Manager" and she seems to understand that I'm just slow, not a "bad kid" or something. I would've been kicked out of my public school by now, since they only allow their students 4 years to either graduate or transfer/drop out. This program is really good for me, but sadly did not randomly turn me into the Super Genius autistic person and so my mother, who oversees my education at home, is *very stressed* about it. I don't think she realizes how slow I am with my work and thinks I'm just fucking around, and she seems to think I don't understand how serious my situation is because no matter how much help is vaguely offered to me or how many times she yells at me or threatens me or warns me about how I could get kicked out if I don't make enough progress, I don't magically churn out progress like a fucking machine or even a Regular person. like yeah, no fucking shit, I'm disabled and have been struggling with school my entire fucking life. how the hell would anyone help me when my problem is existing in the wrong way?

all my peers that I still follow on instagram are graduated by now. all my old friends have long since forgotten about me, have moved on with their lives while I'm still in fucking high school. HIGH SCHOOL. it's embarrassing. I see someone I used to have spanish class with when I go to the supermarket. Someone from Algebra worked at the closer-to-me grocery store. I see people my age *working* all the time. Leaving my house is an admission of guilt, a lesson in public humiliation. I will never be normal, I will always struggle, I will always think it's over right before it gets worse.

Sometimes I wish I would just get into a car accident, need to get a limb amputated or use a cane or a wheelchair. Have something visibly wrong with me, something accepted by others as a Reason for why I am the way I am. Of course, this too is met with guilt because physically disabled people deal with the same shit but worse. It's still ableism. It's just hard to explain to others that I need the same amount of support as someone in a wheelchair even though I look completely fine. My family is skeptical of me, always thinking I just need to apply myself more. I can get a job, i just need to actually submit an application. I can finish highschool, I just need to Focus More. I just have ADHD, why do I act like I have a Real Disability? "Okay, fine," they admit, "maybe you're autistic -- you're not *severely* autistic though! you can walk normal, and talk the same as we do, and you never had a meltdown at school like that one boy!" But they ignore the fact that I always felt like everyone at school hated me specifically, the fact that the classroom was such a hostile place for me that I sought comfort in *public bathrooms.* they ignore the times I called my mom, sobbing and choking on my tears and riddled with hiccups, begging my mom to take me home so I could be in my room where it's *safe* and nobody hates me. they ignore the way I would always scream and cry at the starts of semesters. they ignore the way i still get so overwhelmed and nervous at the thought of people that I regularly stay inside my house for weeks at a time. nobody is willing to admit that I am an "unacceptable" autistic person, I have adhd in a serious way, not a fun or even just an annoying way. I need support, support that I do not have, and nobody takes me seriously because I'm young and don't have kids and my mom needs the support *more* because she has to deal with *me*!

I'm just like. so fucking sick of being disabled enough for it to ruin my life but not disabled enough for others to call me disabled. every time i refer to myself as disabled in real life it's seen as an exaggeration, hyperbole, not something serious. I'm told to ask for help but apparently I can't *actually* ask for the help I need, I can only ask for... normal things? I'm gonna be honest I don't know what I should ask for. nobody's ever told me what I'm allowed to have. Just that having someone else do my work for me isn't the answer, even though there is the literal standard business model of a cleaner who comes to your house and cleans for you. another business model for a person who drives you around. obviously I don't need unusual things, I'm just not rich about it.

Someday I just want to live and exist without being scared someone's going to come into my room and yell at me, or tell me all the ways in which I fail to measure up to people's expectations. I just want someone to love me unconditionally, without it hurting.

[iabggsyk]

The prologue to my book Blood on Wattpad. A prequel to the bigger Numbered Series I'm doing. This is the longest chapter I've ever written on this phone and I think it turned out really good, I'm proud of myself. I also hyper fixated on this so it took me 2 days to do.

2129 AD/BCE, Samuel Genkins:

He could remember rather vividly the nights when he and his older brother Adrian played in the garden behind their house or the first day of kindergarten or how, only a month after the 5 year old Samuel started kindergarten, his mother gave birth to his younger brother Dylan.

He remembered the excitement they had when they found out that they were going to get another brother, how he would try to see if he could feel his baby brother moving and kicking in his mommy's tummy, how he and Adrian each took one of their father's hands as he took them to visit the brand new addition to their little family.

As Samuel leaned over the crib to get a better view he was met with the most adorable baby on the planet. His baby brother was giggling and waving his hands around happily and his bright blue eyes and chubby cheeks combined with his antics seemed to light up the room causing everyone to smile or laugh.

Samuel curiously put his hand down into the crib and felt surprised when Dylan latched onto one of his fingers with a happy gurgle (babies couldn't really speak he later learned after asking his mom why Dylan didn't say anything, well not any who were only a couple of days old like Dylan).

What's more was as this little innocent baby held his finger in his tiny little hand Samuel felt a wave of love wash over him and something else... he didn't know what it was exactly or even what the emotion was called but in that one moment Samuel suddenly felt the need to protect his baby brother from anything that would dare to try and hurt him, he made a promise to Dylan in his head that day, 'I won't let anyone harm you, you'll have the best life and will never know pain.' In that moment he wondered if this was the same feeling his parents and Adrian felt for him.

Too bad things turned out the way they did. He just wished that he could go back in time and warn his family about the events to come... things should have never happened the way they did.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

March 22, 2134, Dylan Genkins:

There was this new virus that was spreading, Dylan was still too young to completely understand but it sounded very scary to him he looked to his family for comfort as they reassured him that it wasn't anywhere near where they lived in San Diego.

April 5, 2134

It was a Pandemic now, it was very deadly too killing 90% of the people who caught it and it was now in San Diego. School had just been cancelled. He was scared and he curled further into Adrian's side for comfort and was grateful when Adrian soothingly ran his hands through his hair.

Samuel was also, somewhat, curled up next to Adrian's other side. Dylan said somewhat because Samuel was close enough to their older brother to feel comforted, but not close enough where it would be too obvious that he was scared because, if you asked him, he wasn't scared of anything and those who were were babies.

June 9, 2134

Adrian was the first to catch the deadly virus. It was a week ago and since then he had been violently convulsing, throwing up blood, sweating, constantly tired and running a fever of 101 which concerned their parents greatly causing, in turn, Samuel and Dylan to worry.

Dylan spent most of his days trying to be near Adrian which had been a fruitless endeavor seeing as their parents and Adrian himself didn't want them to see him for fear of one of them catching it. As the nights came he would seek comfort from Samuel seeing as his parents were busy tending to Adrian and tried to be brave.

Sometimes Samuel would even tell him bedtime stories or play with him which would always cheer the 5 year old up. Today Samuel was reading Dylan's favorite bedtime story, a rather old book, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, when Dylan interrupted him to ask a couple of questions.

"Sammy... We'll always be together right? You'll always love me right?" He asked afraid that this pandemic might end up causing them to not talk to each other as often.

"Of course I will, why do you ask?" Samuel questioned.

Dylan looked down at his tiny hands before responding, "What happens if when we grow older we stop talking to each other because we're mad at each other or what if it gets so bad that we can't talk to each other? Will you still love me then?"

Dylan looked sad and worried and it hurt Samuel to see his brother this upset. So he thought to cheer him up by telling the truth. "Dylan, there's this really important thing that I want you to know. Do you know what unconditional love is Dylan?"

Dylan shook his head and replied with a meek "No".

"Well," Samuel started again, "unconditional love is when you love someone no matter what... And we're family- brothers and that means I'm always going to be there for you and love you and care about you no matter the distance or the argument or how annoying you can be sometimes-"

"HEY!" Dylan exclaimed puffing up his cheeks in a pretending to be hurt way.

"Anyways, no matter what happens or doesn't happen in the future I'll always love you and have your back because I'm your big brother and that's what big brothers are supposed to do. And if you ever need me to comfort or protect you I'll only be a call away okay, because I love you."

"Really?" Dylan chirped happily.

"Really. Now do you have any more questions for me?" Samuel asked with a warm smile on his face.

"Well yes actually, just one more. Do you think Adrian will be alright?"

Samuel stayed silent for a brief minute, reassuringly patting Dylan's head before speaking. "He'll be fine, and once he recovers we'll all be able to play together again and Mom and Dad won't have to worry as much."

"Thanks Sammy, I really love you." Dylan said tiredly snuggling onto Samuel's side (it really wasn't that fair, it was late at night and Sammy was giving him head pats how was he supposed to stay awake). Samuel kissed his brother's forehead and whispered goodnight.

What Dylan didn't know was that for the last question, when asked by Dylan whether he thought Adrian would be alright, Samuel lied to Dylan for the first time in his life. The first out of many times.

And it wasn't like he wanted Adrian to die, no, nobody wants a family member, especially their big brother to die and certainly nobody wants to witness as their older brother slowly loses his own battle however Samuel couldn't just ignore the fact that Adrian, to put it lightly, wasn't doing so good. He, unlike his little brother had seen so himself.

Yesterday when their Mom had fallen asleep due to exhaustion and their father was making food for Dylan and him he had snuck into Adrian's room to check on him to only find him worryingly pale, sweating buckets, looking like he lost 20lbs and in an uneasy sleep breathing rapid shallow breaths. He furrowed his brow in worry before quietly shutting the door.

It was better to lie to Dylan. He didn't need to know the severity of it... not yet anyways. And there was still a small chance that Adrian would pull through.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

June 23, 2134, Adrian Genkins:

Adrian knew his time was up, that it was his last day. But instead of being miserable or in denial or angry at the world he felt a strange wave of calmness wash over him. He knew what he needed to do.

He struggled to get out of bed every nerve cell in his body was screaming in protest as if he were on fire but he had a mission. He had to say goodbye to everyone one last time, before his time was up.

He struggled in agony to reach the door semi collapsing - semi leaning on the handle as he struggled to catch his breath, his heart racing way more than it really should be for such a simple thing as walking to the door.

He opened the door and continued walking down the stairs internally screaming in pain and out of breath. He finally made it to the back door that led to the garden and opened it. Reyna stood in the garden as the wind blew around her making her wavy black hair get in her face. She had tan skin and lively Shamrock green eyes. She was beautiful.

Her parents had moved from Spain to the United States just a short few years before she was born. Currently, Reyna was living with them since last week when they found out that her whole family had been wiped out due to the Virus and she'd been the only survivor.

His parents had allowed it since they'd known her and her family ever since Adrian had asked to go to her birthday party in first grade. And they were a couple since 8th grade, however it wasn't really hard for the pair's family to figure out that since they were always side by side beforehand and neither of them were good at hiding the fact that they were in love with each other, they were highschool sweethearts.

"You still working on your newfound abilities?" He rasped unused to speaking with a smile on his face. She somehow always managed to light up his day.

"What are you doing up!? You should be in bed!?" She said rushing over to him with worry.

The wind picked up ever so slightly.

"I wanted to say goodbye. Honey I'm dying." He rasped out, his voice cracking on the last part. He rubbed circles into her arm with his thumb to try and lessen the blow.

"What! No! You can't be! What about me! What about your family! You're supposed to be getting better, why would you say something like that!" Reyna shrieked panicked, the wind becoming furious now.

"I'm only getting worse my flower... I wish I could stay with you and my family but I can't... Thank you for being the best girlfriend in the world." He was crying now... he could feel it.

"No! You- you can stay, you should stay, you can't just leave us alone. Please." She begged, the wind was howling and raging now.

"Please don't leave me-" Reyna was cut off as Adrian pulled her close and pressed her lips to his in a kiss.

The wind calmed down to a gentle breeze.

He drew back before answering, his rasp getting worse by the second. "I wish I could stay, I really do but I can't... and I just want to let you know that I love you and when I do die I want you to take care of my family for me... especially my brothers... I also want you to love again... make new friends and maybe, just maybe, find a new person who you can spend the rest of your life with... I don't want my death to hold you down from enjoying your life... it would be be unfair of me... and lastly, here take this so you can remember me." He handed her a necklace.

"I don't want anyone else but you... will you at least celebrate your birthday with me?"

His birthday was tomorrow. He would be turning 16.

He didn't answer her. He just pulled her in and kissed her on her forehead briefly before whispering "I love you my flower". She understood him.

"Can you at least stay with me... at least for a little while?" Reyna dared to whisper.

"Yes... yes I can."

They laid down in the garden and he held her in a attempt to at least comfort her.

Later that night...

He snuck into Samuel's room his nerves still on fire only to discover Samuel reading a bedtime story to Dylan. He smiled. "Do you have time to chat?" He asked.

It hurt to talk now.

"Adrian!" Dylan exclaimed happily.

"Yes" Sam said closing the book he was reading to Dylan.

They talked for awhile, Sam and Dylan caught him up on what they had been doing and he told stories. Eventually Adrian asked if Dylan could go get his favorite stuffed bunny seeing as it looked like he would be sleeping with Samuel tonight which was really just an excuse to talk to Sam in private.

Sam turned to Adrian. "What do you want?" He asked knowing that it was something more than just Dylan fetching a stuffed animal, in fact, normally Adrian would have gotten Dylan's stuff animal himself.

"Take good care of yourself and Dylan."

His eyes widened in shock and Adrian saw grief flash on his face before it was gone. 'Still so stubborn' he thought right before Sam responded with a simple (though Adrian still heard the crack in his voice) "Yeah... will do...".

"I Got It! I Got It!" Dylan yelled happy that he had retrieved his worn and well-loved Bunny (Mr. Hopper) that had been Samuel's before Dylan's, Adrian's before that, their father's before that and their grandfather's before that.

Adrian tucked them both in for bed, wishing them each a goodnight before kissing their cheeks, and made sure to tuck Mr. Hopper in too next to Dylan before climbing the stairs to his room. He really wished that he was able to tell his parents goodbye but he simply didn't have the energy to. Everything still hurt, tenfold now, and Adrian had coughed up blood just trying to make it up the stairs.

As he laid in his bed he sighed knowing that the second he fell asleep he wouldn't wake up. He just wished he could be there for them all still. He was the glue that held the family together and he knew how much of a blow it would be for him to die. He just hoped that they would be alright without him. He was sorry that he was giving up on life but it was too much. His heart and immune system just couldn't keep going.

He breathed in and out his breaths getting slower by each second until after thirty minutes he took his last breath, closed his eyes and drifted off into the eternal sleep.

At 11:31 p.m., June 23, 2134, Adrian Genkins died. He did not reach his 16th birthday.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

7:00 a.m. June 24, 2134 Eric Genkins:

It was Adrian's birthday today and Eric wanted to surprise his eldest son by making him his favorite breakfast. He got up early so that his wife could get some rest since he had noticed she was rather tired lately. Eric checked on his younger two kids and his heart internally melted at the sight of them curled up together sleeping with the family stuffie Mr. Hopper.

He then made his way down to the kitchen and started to cook bacon and eggs. Once he was done he put them on a plate and carried them up to Adrian's room. Quietly he opened the door and tried to shake his son awake.

Adrian didn't budge... no he didn't have a pulse. Eric panicked and tried to see if his son's chest was rising and falling, it wasn't. He started to hyperventilate making choked noises as he fell to the floor on his knees. Long before that, he didn't remember exactly when it happened, he dropped the plate and it shattered spilling the food all over the floor.

'My son... my sweet precious baby boy... he's dead... gone.'

Eric let out a bloodcurdling scream, a gutteral from deep within, one that can only be made by a parent who lost their child.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

7:31 a.m. June 24, 2134 Mabel Genkins:

Mabel woke up to the sound of the horror movie scream-wail from her husband.

2700 words.

[liberty-barnes]

Tom being in love with your baby niece

Tom Holland x Female!Reader

Prompt: You meet Tom at a hospital and he’s immediately infatuated with the little girl in your lap (inspired by this video I found on tiktok)

Warnings: F L U F F, Tom being amazing with kids, mentions of alcoholic/drug addict mother, mentions of child abandonment, but overall fluff and feel good story

Word Count: 2379 words (this was supposed to be short but oh well)

Estimated Reading Time: 9 minutes

A/N: me, sweating profusely: calm down, just finish writing this, you are stronger than your baby fever, you are too young to have a child CALM TF DOWN

Masterlist

So, funny story, you met at the hospital

Tom had dislocated his shoulder while doing a backflip *dejected sigh*

And you were just trying to keep your baby niece calm while waiting for the nurse to come get you

You were sitting on the bed, Tom was right next to you, only a curtain separating you

But there was a tiny crack near the end from where it was pulled too far

And when you pressed Olivia closer to your chest, her head resting on your shoulder, she made eye contact with him

He saw her tear-filled eyes

(broke his heart)

So he started to make funny faces at her

Which made her start to giggle and coo and make grabby hands towards him

You turned around, visibly confused because hellooo she was just crying a second ago and now she’s???laughing???

And then you saw him

oh shit he’s hot

He smiled at you

You smiled back, cause what else are you supposed to do?

He got up and pushed the curtains back 

And sat on the chair instead

Still on his side of the curtain

But looking at you straight in the eye now

“So... what’s a pretty girl like you doing in a nasty place like this?”

Poor boy thought he was smooth

But he rested his weight on his injured arm

(that idiot) 

And it lead to him hissing in pain and cradling his shoulder with a pout while you laughed

“Fell down the stairs and twisted my ankle. You?”

“Dislocated my shoulder while doing a backflip.”

Meanwhile Liv was now resting on your lap

Looking at him with a smile on her face

And clapping while he smiled at made funny faces at her again

But then he noticed you were watching

And he was kinda making a fool of himself in front of you

(cue the blushing)

(so cute)

So you decided to help him out a little

"Thanks for putting her in a good mood again."

"No problem... is she yours?"

He didn't want to seem rude so he kept the judgment out of his voice, but you seemed a bit young to have a kid already.

"Nah, she's my niece"

"Oh, okay... Why'd you bring her to the hospital with you? It must be hard having to take care of a kid and get your ankle checked."

You looked a bit sad for a while.

"My sister left her with me as soon as I turned eighteen. My parents were never in the picture so it's been me and her for almost a year now."

"I'm sorry..."

"'S okay. Besides, at least I'm not alone all the time you now? I mean, it's hard to take care of a 13 month-old, but at least I know she won't grow up like I did... afraid... wondering if her mom was gonna come home drunk or half-dressed with another guy on her tail, wishing her sister would let her sleep on the bed instead of locking herself up with her boyfriend there."

He watched you smile as you looked down at the little girl in your arms that seemed to be a perfect reflection of you.

That was the moment he fell in love with you

Dark circles under your eyes and all

He got your number (yay!!) and had to work (read: pester you) for two weeks before you agreed to go out on a date with him.

Liv stayed with Harrison (after you checked that he was a good babysitter)

He took you to a nice little restaurant near the beach

They served giant burgers

Which you liked at lot

Conversation was easy 

He asked you what you were currently doing

"I'm working as a waitress in a little diner downtown."

He also found out you were doing online college to get your creative writing degree.

You told him about your family life. 

How your dad died in a car accident when you were three. 

How your mom was an alcoholic junkie and OD'd when you were fifteen.

How your nineteen-year-old sister had to take care of you for there on out. 

How she left soon after you graduated high school and left you with a three-month-old baby to take care of.

In turn, he told you all about his life

How he became an actor and got his big break as Spider-Man

He told you about his family and how much he misses them

How thankful he is to have Haz with him

You excused yourself to the bathroom just before dessert

And that bastard took advantage of that tiny window to pay the bill

You scolded him for that obviously

And tried to pay him back

He laughed and said no

Then he bought you a giant cotton candy

"Tom, seriously I can pay for my own stuff."

"I know but I like spoiling you."

You finished the cotton candy together while strolling down the beach

Then once it was done he threw out the cone and took your hand

The sun was just setting so it was like a picture-perfect moment

So he took advantage of that and kissed you

(so cliche)

You tasted like strawberry from your chapstick

The cotton candy you just had

You tasted like sweetness

And comfort

And home

You started dating officially not long after that

And that's when it all really started

You knew he was good with kids

That first day at the hospital told you as much

But you didn't expect him to be this good

Olivia was very much in love with him

They were practically glued at the hip

She constantly wanted hugs from him

He took her to the park and threw her up in the air while she squealed in delight

He picked her up and carried her while you were making dinner so she didn't feel left out

She sat on his back while he did push-ups

He'd kiss her nose every time he did a sit-up

They would have kissing contests

He kissed her cheek

She kissed his back 

Then he kissed hers again

And so on

Her first word was Tommy

You'd never seen him so happy

You, on the other hand, were not

"I raised you on my own ever since you were three months old and this is the thanks I get?"

They'd often fall asleep together on the couch

Your camera roll was full of photos of them sleeping

Her favorite thing to do was grab him by the sides of his head and kiss his curls

(a d o r a b l e)

He helped you plan the perfect birthday party for her

"Only the best for my best girl"

"I thought I was your best girl"

"Only the best for either of my best girls but in this case the youngest one"

She loved it

You're pretty sure he loved it more

But who can say for sure?

On your six month anniversary, he told you he loved you and that he had no plans on ever leaving you two.

He forced you to quit your job at the diner

"You're overworking yourself. I have more than enough money to take care of all of us and that way you'll be able to focus on your studies and travel with me since you do online college. Everybody wins."

So you went wherever he went

Including filming for Infinity War/Endgame

He took you to set one day

Everybody loved you

But as always, Olivia stole the show

They passed her around like a little doll

She loved the attention

It was quite funny seeing such a tiny baby being held by the mountain of a man that is Chris Hemsworth

She only referred to Chris Evans as 'Cap'

And Robert would forever be 'Tony'

But they didn't mind one single bit

"She just looks so cute when she says it, I can't be mad at her."

You met his family when the filming ended and he went back to London

Dom was ecstatic to finally have a little girl to take care of

"At least she laughs at my jokes, not like those idiots"

"You can leave her with us whenever you want"

Nikki was very happy to have one more girl in her corner

"I swear, if I hear one more second of golf talk, I'll go nuts"

Harry loved taking pictures of Liv

"She's just so photogenic, it's so easy"

You learned a lot of recipes from Sam

"Finally someone that won't wreck my kitchen and taint my food's good name"

Paddy liked playing with Liv and Tessa in the backyard

"It's nice to take care of someone for a change, I'm always the one being babied"

You made your relationship public while you were in London, a year and a half after you started dating

The public loved you

Because he just couldn't help but brag

And Tom with kids is the content the fans live for

tomhotland: omgggg they're so cuteee

spideysbae: the heart eyes thoooo

peterpprotectionsquad: i hereby declare that Olivia is the cutest baby to have ever existed and she must be protected at all costs

He took you to the Far From Home premiere

Your dress matched his suit

The fans went crazy

Olivia was living her best life in her little red and black dress

She'd gotten used to the flashes after Harry's numerous photoshoots

So she was just smiling and clapping a lot

The paparazzi loved her

The interviewers kept asking about you two

"(Y/N)'s the love of my life and Olivia's the sweetest baby I've ever known, I couldn't love her more if she was my own"

"So, do I hear wedding bells ringing?"

"Well, you never know"

That caught your attention for a second but you let it go in favor of posing with Liv after the paps all but begged you to

"Livvy say bye-bye"

She sent a kiss a said bye-bye in all her baby glory

They awed so much

His Instagram was filled with pictures of the three of you

Zendaya took a bunch of selfies with her as well

"Our dresses match, I have no choice"

She kept pretty quiet during the movie

But hugged Tom especially hard when she saw him cry on the big screen

The next morning, you were all over the headlines

"The sweetest little family in Hollywood"

On your third anniversary, he took you on a week-long trip to Bora Bora

Liv stayed with his parents

He took you on a walk to the beach

(déjà vu much?)

And proposed

Clumsily, but he proposed

How can a proposal be clumsy, you ask?

Well, he kneeled on a rock at first

"Ow! Fuck my knee, hold on a second"

Then he kept stuttering because he was so nervous

And in the end (after you said yes and he checked about five times cause "Wait seriously?") he started freaking out cause the ring didn't fit

But she wears the ring I used as a reference all the time!

"Um, Tom?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"The ring's supposed to go on my other hand..."

Ah, that explains it

The wedding was simple but beautiful

Livvy was the flower girl cause she wanted to throw petals in the air

Tessa brought the rings

His heart almost stopped when he saw you walk down the aisle

He was convinced you'd never looked more beautiful than that day at the premiere when your clothes matched 

But right now, looking at your smile and how gorgeous you looked in that dress, he realized he was wrong

He sniffled, trying to hold his tears, but Haz just handed him a tissue

"I came prepared"

You two adopted Liv

She was your daughter anyway, you just made it official

She started calling you 'mommy' and 'daddy'

"She called me 'daddy'."

Oh, the tears

To Tom's great delight, she started picking up a British accent, as she grew

It didn't help that she stayed at Nikki and Dom's all the time when you started teaching at a university in London

So they dialed they're British-ness up to eleven so she'd pick up on the accent

"Mummy, what's for pudding?"

Good Lord

After two years of trying, you found out Tom was unable to have kids

He cried a lot, and felt like he failed

You shut him up with a kiss and immediately mentioned adoption

"There are hundreds of children begging for a home and parents to love them."

You adopted an eight-year-old boy named Lucas and his five-year-old sister Cleo

Olivia loved having another girl her age

They had tea parties

And played dress-up

And forced Lucas to play the prince

You taught them to bake so they could have cookies for their tea party

And Tom found himself often ambushed in one of their games

"No, daddy, you gotta pretend that the big bad dragon took you so we can save you."

They rolled around on the floor and made 'pew pew' noises to imitate guns

Lucas was always quieter

He was your little angel

You two were very close

He shared your love for writing and literature

As well as cooking, to Uncle Sam's greatest delight

You often sat down on the couch, the five of you (and Tessa, obviously) and someone read a book out loud, while the others just laid back and listened

Cleo became very interested in Uncle Harry's camera and took a bunch of photos of her sister and her dad with the polaroid camera she got for her seventh birthday

Olivia still loved the attention and remained the bright and photogenic child she'd always been

She became a model, to no one's surprise

Cleo became a freelance photographer, which allowed her to fulfill her dream of traveling the world while taking pictures and earning good money

Lucas became one of Hollywood's best and brightest screenwriters

But everyone still made time for each other

Attending every single one of Liv's fashion shows

Every time Cleo showcased her pictures in a gallery, they were the first ones there

All of Lucas' films

Going to all of Tom's premieres and wearing matching clothes, per Liv and Cleo's request

"It's for the aesthetic"

Everyone was happy

And life was good

i’m pretty happy now, ngl

i need a Tom in my life

[thejoeisthejoe]

Whumptober - No. 10 - OOPS, I DID IT AGAIN

Episode: Technically right after Wipe Out. Warnings: Talk of hospital, mother's death, reoccuring sickness. Disclaimer: I'm not a medical professional. I've been writing with this idea for 20+ years LOL. It's just my excuse to make Joe sick constantly.

Explanation: I've always called it an immune deficiency. It's just my way of being able to hurt Joe any time I want in any setting.

My canon is that Laura Hardy died giving birth to Joe. It's why she's not in the TV series. Because of this Fenton had to make the choice to save either his wife or the baby. She begged him to choose the child and that's how Joe came to be. However, he was born 2 months early and had to stay in the NICU. All of this left him with a weaker immune system and more prone to getting sick. He's been told over and over again to take it easy, to take precautions and to rest his entire life. As a kid it was easier for Gertrude and Fenton to force him to rest. As he got older he fought back saying he could take care of himself. Obviously he can't. That's where this story runs. I have so much more with this but this is the general head canon.

Now on to the story...

"I've told you both many times, you can't go out and travel as much as you used to. I barely allowed it right after you got out of school." The doctor exclaimed exasperated.

Joe gave him sheepish smile around the thermometer in his mouth looking up to his brother.

They were at the hospital for Joe to get a check up. He had spiked a fever 3 different days that week and Fenton was worried that with all of the traveling they had done that Joe's immune system had dropped again.

Frank looked to his brother guiltily. "It was just a trip to Hawaii."

"You were on the plane, around lots of people, in a hotel with lots of people… I'm surprised your brother wasn't hospitalized on the island." He snapped angrily. He reached out to pull the thermometer out of Joe's mouth before looking at it. "100.1. You're staying here until it drops."

"We were as careful as we could be… Frank worked really hard to get into the surfing competition. I went to support him as he competed." Joe responded trying to defend his brother. "Frank shouldn't have to miss out on stuff because of me."

The doctor only sighed and fluffed the pillows behind Joe. "Come on, lay back. I need you to rest. I'll be setting up an IV with antibiotics. The nurse will be into do that soon."

They both watched the door leave as Joe laid back into the hospital bed. He looked over to Frank, his brother looked really upset. "F-Frank, its ok."

"No Joe, it's not okay! We can't keep doing this. Every time I drag you out somewhere you come back and you're in bed with a flareup for a week or two." Frank couldn't look his brother in the eyes. He clenched his hand into a fist. "I-I won't have you dying like mom. I won't."

"Frank, I'm not going to die like mom." Joe tried to reassure him. The fever was causing him to shiver. The more he relaxed the more his body started to give into it. His body was starting to ache, the familiar ache he got when he'd done too much.

Frank glanced up as he watched Joe wince in pain. "What hurts?"

"My body just aches." Joe admitted.

Frank took the covers and nestled them around his brother worried. He sat on the edge of the bed and let out a heavy sigh. "Joe, I think we need to do some serious consideration to all of this. I know it's not what you want to hear, it's not what I want to hear either… we need to slow down."

The words hit Joe like a ton of bricks. Up until now he had been able to skirt by most of the side affects, the medications, the need to take it easy with a few naps and IV's to off set the fevers. This had worked for many years, all throughout middle school and high school.

The only response he had was to laugh nervously. "I-I just need to rest."

"NO." Frank snapped turning to Joe. He grabbed his brother's arms, blue eyes on fire. "You don't understand, Joe. We. Can't. Keep. Doing. This. I refuse to have you die because of me. I'd rather take a month or two or three off so you can get better than to have you dying just like mom. You're my brother, Joe.. I love you. I can't … I won't do this anymore."

Joe winced at the tough grip. Looking up he was surprised to see tears in his brother's eyes. "F-Frank…Frank I-I…." He sighed nodding. "…okay. L-Let's back off a bit. I'll rest and do what needs to be done, ok?"

Frank looked at him for a few seconds as if seeing if he was serious or not before hugging him tightly. He forgot to be gentle in the moment as he clung to him. He just wanted his brother to be safe and be alive. It was hard enough losing his mother to this, he refused to lose Joe to it.

Joe reached up patting his brother's back hugging him in return just as tightly.

It was going to be ok.

[mellometal]

I know I said I don't associate myself with the Panic! fandom anymore, but this is something I have been ACHING to talk about. This is some bad timing, since it was Brent Wilson's birthday recently (yes, his birthday is July 20th, NOT August 20th; source: I've been following him on Twitter for five years and he's actually said this), but this is going to be about Brent and the whole situation with him.

Warning: What I'm about to say about the situation with Brent Wilson (original bassist) is heavily biased, since I do stan him. YEAH. I STAN BRENT MATTHEW WILSON, THE ORIGINAL BASSIST OF PANIC! AT THE DISCO. CRY ABOUT IT. STAY MAD. He's one of the ONLY members of Panic! At The Disco (past and present) who I give a fuck about, besides Ryan Ross, Spencer Smith, and Ian Crawford.

Trigger warning: This will be talking about arrest, jail, drugs (doing and selling), weapons (guns), childbirth, parenthood, and some other things. If these things are triggering for you or make you uncomfortable in any way, you do not have to read this post. Consume media that sparks joy for you.

Disclaimer: I don't know Brent in real life, I'm not in his circle of friends or people he's closest to (like his wife Taylor, his parents, his brother Blake, his in-laws, his irl friends, coworkers, etc.), and this is not me acting like I do. I don't know what his life is like outside of Twitter. The only contact I've ever had with him has been on Twitter, but it was pretty limited.

My thoughts on this situation are MY opinion, any possibilities in my thoughts are just theories and not proven to be true, and I'm not trying to excuse whatever he was allegedly charged with.

Just for the record, I am willing to have a civil conversation with anyone who hates Brent. The minute you attack me or anyone else who likes Brent, or a whole bunch of you start circle jerking about how much you hate him, you're getting blocked. If all you're going to bring up is the shit Brent did when he was in his late teens instead of adding anything useful to the discussion, you're getting blocked too. I already know about that. It happened back in 2004-2006. They were all still kids, to a point. Brent has changed quite a bit since then. The whole "Hate on Brent Wilson" bandwagon is stupid, toxic, and I refuse to jump on it. I've never jumped on it when I was in the Panic! fandom, so why would I do it now?

Remember, without Brent bringing Br3nd0n Ur!3 into Panic!, your precious Br3nd0n wouldn't be successful today. JUST SO YA KNOW. (I'm very salty right now, if you can't already tell.)

If you would like to know about what happened with Brent, a few months ago, he was arrested on (alleged) drug charges and illegal possession of a weapon, along with a traffic violation and something to do with a probation violation too. He was set to go to court back in March for his sentencing, but that's the most recent information I've found. I don't know what the fuck is going on at this point. I don't know if he's been sentenced, if he's doing anything alternative like rehabilitation, nothing. (The reason why I said they're alleged charges is because I don't know if he's even been to court for sentencing or anything like that.)

People's reactions were mixed. Some actually LAUGHED and made a whole bunch of jokes about him being arrested (that's fucking insensitive and cruel). Some felt bad for Brent because he just became a dad (yes, he's a dad, but I'm not posting any pictures of the kid out of respect for Brent and Taylor). Some were shocked. Some weren't surprised (how and why????).

My reaction? It was pretty mixed. I was shocked. I thought I was having a fever dream and what I was seeing was fake at first. When I realized it wasn't fake, I was crushed. I felt absolutely horrible for Brent, Taylor, their kid, and all their loved ones. Like, I care about the guy a lot. Obviously.

Ironically, the band members and/or group members I stan are either the black sheep or they're just not as popular. Or they're the fucking scapegoat almost EVERYONE attacks for the stupidest shit. Brent's the black sheep as well as the scapegoat of Panic!, for example....and I would say that Ian is another black sheep too. Not for any negative reasons. He's simply not as popular, due to the fact he was only in Panic! during the Vices era for a short time. He's underrated as FUCK. I'm one of the black sheep in a lot of places [except for friend groups], even in my own family, so it explains why I stan Brent still.

I just want to say that selling drugs and doing drugs aren't inherently bad things to do. This doesn't mean that I'm for kids doing drugs and selling them. Absolutely not. I want people who do drugs or sell drugs to be treated like human beings. I also want them to be able to seek help easier without the judgment or being treated like a criminal. Personally, I don't do any of that, but I understand why someone would. (This kind of thing hits home for me.)

As far as the whole weapon thing is concerned (it was a gun), I personally don't like them and we need better gun control in the United States. I don't think I'd trust anyone who owns a gun because of the possibility that they would hurt me or worse in an argument or something. I've seen my abuser threaten to pull a gun out on my dad when I was a kid. Thankfully it wasn't loaded, but still. It was scary. I wouldn't own a gun because I'm autistic, mentally ill, and I'm afraid of what I might do in certain situations. If someone wants to own a gun for protection, hunting, target practice, or to collect them, fine. BUT YOU DON'T NEED A HUGE ASS GUN THAT THE MILITARY USES TO GO HUNTING OR FOR TARGET PRACTICE. I don't like them, I don't want one, I don't trust myself with one, guns scare me, and I want better gun control in the United States. It terrifies me that people openly carry. I understand that's the Second Amendment and all, but it doesn't change the fact that it terrifies me. As long as you're responsible with that kind of thing, I don't really care.

I don't know what Brent's reason was for (allegedly) owning a weapon (maybe for protection or something?), but it's none of my business.

In my opinion, this is all stupid shit. There are people who have done horrible things and they're STILL free people, but oh, god forbid you do or sell drugs! THAT'S bad. /s

Here's my response below. I'll type out everything, except for the disclaimers and what he was arrested for. I will start from the fifth paragraph on the first screenshot and continue from there. This is so anyone who has a hard time reading any of the screenshots can read them easier.

(My response was from around the time it was announced that he was arrested. Just so you know.)

First screenshot, fifth paragraph:

First off, I just want to say that this situation is a fucked up one for anyone to be in. I would never wish this on anyone. Especially because now, there's a baby involved, so this makes the situation worse. This is pretty difficult for me to put into words without coming off as bitchy or anything like that, so if I get bitchy here, I apologize.

Second screenshot, fifth paragraph:

I don't know what caused this mess to begin with, but I do know that Brent and his wife Taylor just had a baby a couple months ago (when I was typing this out initially). While it's a good thing for them, it can be assumed that this is also a very stressful time for them.

Combination of third and fourth screenshots (These are pretty much only theories; not facts, and they will be broken up into paragraphs): 

The pandemic most likely isn’t helping their case. Las Vegas is a HUGE city and I’m sure A LOT of people there are REALLY struggling right now in all aspects. Maybe Brent and Taylor are struggling to pay off hospital bills or whatever (to put this into perspective, the average cost for hospital childbirth in Nevada is around $21,239, according to CBS News). The average salary for an accountant in Nevada is anywhere from $34k to $150k, and that all depends on education, experience (how long you’ve been in said career), certifications, and any additional skills. Take into account any other necessities they have to pay for, like their mortgage, bills, insurance, etc. 

Let’s say that they did manage to pay everything else off, but they’re struggling to pay the hospital bills from when they had their baby. (Having a baby is fucking expensive in the United States, regardless of whether there are complications or not, and regardless of whether you have insurance or not.) Let’s say they’ve tried every single option out there, but nothing seems to give still. Maybe the drug selling was a last resort on Brent’s part. (As I’ve said, I don’t know the full story.)

The whole subject of drug paraphernalia hits home for me. My parents both did drugs when I was a kid. I’ve seen it a lot growing up. My dad was, in the past, in and out of jail for drugs and other things that aren’t relevant here. I’m not sure if my mom was in and out of jail for the same shit, but I know for a fact my dad was. Y’know, because he told me. ANYWAYS. 

I get it. You gotta do what you gotta do. It’s not something I’d do personally, but I understand why somebody would do it. I wouldn’t treat them any differently. Maybe they’re selling drugs or whatever to keep themselves from losing their homes, put food on the table for their families, help pay their bills, pay for their education, whatever. It could be a number of things.

Fifth screenshot (people’s reactions to the news and my thoughts on them):

Now...let’s move on to how people are reacting to the news. There’s a lot of mixed reactions. A lot of people feel bad for Brent, especially since he and Taylor just had a baby a couple months ago (as I was typing this). Some people “aren’t surprised” because they were never fans of him in the first place. Others think this is amusing. I’ve seen some people who are solely involved in celebrity news (similar to TMZ) making jokes about the situation, which to me, is appalling.

Let me tell you something. It doesn’t matter if you’re a fan of Brent or not. This shit isn’t funny or cute in the slightest. It sure isn’t funny or cute to anyone who is being affected by the situation, which includes Brent himself, Taylor, their son, and all their loved ones. Like, full stop. Have some decency. Y’all are fucking gross. You can dislike Brent all you want, but he’s a real human being who fucked up. Personally, when I first heard the news, I couldn’t believe it at first. I thought I was having a fever dream. That is, until I looked it up and actually found that it was true. I was CRUSHED. Why? Because Brent is one of the last people I’d even expect to get into this whole mess. 

Sixth screenshot (my thoughts):

If I’m being honest here...like, BRUTALLY honest, Brent needs to be put in REHAB, not jail. For anyone who has been here (on my Instagram) from when I used to dedicate this account to vintage Panic!, you know how I’ve never said anything but kind things about Brent. From the few times I’ve interacted with him a little bit on Twitter and from how I’ve seen him interact with others on the site, Brent is one of the sweetest people ever. I’m being genuine here. He’s a good guy who fucked up and did some dumb shit. Does that make him bad? No. Then again, as far as I’ve read about the current situation at hand, it’s too early to really determine anything. None of us know what caused him to have drug paraphernalia or anything else that he was arrested for in the first place.

Seventh screenshot (wrap-up):

I’m gonna wrap this up here. My heart aches for Brent, Taylor, their son, and all their loved ones. I hope that everything gets straightened out, all sides of the story come out, and that Brent can get his shit together again. Like he had been doing since he was kicked out of Panic!. I wish everyone involved nothing but the absolute best right now, given how fucked up the whole situation is. (Just to clear up any confusion, when I was referring to Taylor, I’m NOT referring to Taylor Swift or any other celebrity with the name Taylor. I’m referring to Brent’s wife.) 

If you’ve read this far, thank you! If you have any questions, feel free to ask. I’ll try to answer as best as I can.

Have my thoughts on the situation changed since February - March of this year? No.

I think that Brent needs some kind of help. That's why I mentioned rehab. It's obvious to me that's the kind of help he needs. I don't believe jail is helpful in certain circumstances (like drug charges, traffic violations, and other nonviolent crimes)....at least in the United States. They treat people who do drugs and/or sell drugs like they're subhuman. Yet there are people who have committed violent, deplorable, horrific crimes, and they're still free people. Funny how that works. I'm not too educated about how the jail system works in other countries, so I can't exactly tell you how I feel about that system on an international standpoint.

Brent should be with his wife and child. I hope the guy gets his shit together again. I believe Brent WILL get his shit together. Genuinely. I would never wish anything bad on him.

I don't crucify Brent like a lot of people in the Panic! fandom do. The only reason I would hypothetically do so is if Brent actually committed violent, deplorable, horrific crimes (i.e., chomo bullshit, trafficking...like, extreme shit) that would warrant him being locked up and I'd drop him completely at that point. OBVIOUSLY I DON'T SEE HIM DOING ANYTHING LIKE THAT. EVER. THAT'S JUST HYPOTHETICAL.

Anyways....have a good day, y'all.

[rawratinyrawr]

Last Summer, Chocolate ice cream, & breastfeeding...

June 8, 2019

Micah turned 11 months on the 3rd. It feels like the day I got pregnant, I blinked, then BOOM he's here and he's almost a year old!

With Micah turning 1 soon I've had a terrible case of baby fever. I know he's only 11 months, so he is technically still a baby...

But it all went by so fast! All of it! My pregnancy. His birth. The last 11 months. I miss my baby bump, I miss being pregnant.

I even miss those hazy first few weeks when he was in the every 2 hours phase. You know, that-every two hours baby wakes, eats, pees/poops(usually both), gets changed, stays awake (sometimes) for a few minutes so you can gaze into their open eyes and blubber at how cute they are and how it's all worth it, and then they fall asleep again (that is, if they stayed awake when you fed them), -phase.🤣😭😂

I've been talking to my wife about the last few weeks before having him, the day I went into labor, and giving birth. Talking about and looking at pictures and videos of those hazy first 6 weeks as mombies.

Yesterday morning I pulled out the ice cream to eat a few spoonfuls after reading that it's national chocolate ice cream day. Then I spent the rest of the day thinking about last summer, the chocolate ice cream I ate just hours after giving birth, breastfeeding, and my breastfeeding cravings that led to a temporary chocolate ice cream addiction.😂 I obsessed all day all because I ate a few bites of ice cream. 🙄

When I eat ice cream now (especially chocolate ice cream) I can't help but think about last summer and the little cup of chocolate ice cream I ate just hours after Micah was born.

The hospital kept lactation snacks for breastfeeding moms in the fridge and freezer of a little kitchenette down the hall from my room in the mother/baby ward. Little brown bags full of yogurt, granola, and fruit cups, cheese & pepperoni cups, milk, juice, and in the freezer-little cups of chocolate ice cream! You know the kind with a wooden spoon. My wife made many trips to that fridge for me in the middle of the night those two nights after having him.

I didn't crave chocolate when I was pregnant. But when my wife brought me that first little cup after giving birth I devoured it. It tasted like the best ice cream I'd ever had. (Probably not really, but I had just given birth and hadn't had food yet lol)

Nobody told me that breastfeeding would make you want to snack like it's your job (and I pretty much did in the beginning). And nobody told me that it would feel alot like pregnancy cravings. And that's what the chocolate ice cream, while breastfeeding, ended up feeling like.

My milk came in the day we left the hospital. Within hours that day I went from kinda swollen boobies to my chest blowing up and having to hand pump to relieve the pressure. I hurt SO BAD and to top it off Micah and I were struggling with breastfeeding.

One of the first things my wife did for me when we got home from the hospital was put together and hook up my electric pump. I was drinking a ton of water and was seriously craving the kind of snacks I had eaten while in the hospital.

So my wife kept us stocked up on oatmeal, yogurt, granola, fresh fruits, fruit cups, cheese, pepperoni, nuts, black bean salad, milk, juice. And then, of course, CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM! My wife would make me little snack plates every 2 hours or so.

And the ice cream...well, at first it was just a serving here and there. Then it was 3 qts.(2 tubs) a week. My wife would have some as well. But not like me. There were whole tubs gone sometimes before she had even a bite. Lol. I craved it SO BAD! I craved other things too while breastfeeding. Fortunately the other cravings were things that were better for me. Oatmeal, cheese, nuts, and such.

When he was about 6 weeks old our breastfeeding journey unfortunately came to an end.

From the beginning there had been issues preventing a good latch and I spent a great deal of time sad and frustrated while pumping instead of breastfeeding to keep up my milk supply. I had wanted to breastfeed for as long as possible so badly when I was pregnant and had him. So I felt extremely frustrated, stressed out, and guilty when it wasn't going according to plan.

I had started to let the breastfeeding problems get to me. I felt like it was my fault. That my body, my breasts, my nipples, were failing me and my baby.

I felt so jealous of all those women in the happy breastfeeding pictures I'd seen who appeared so carefree while their little one suckled.

For us, breastfeeding was...

Me feeling like a failure every time he couldn't get a good latch.

It was him screaming because he is hungry and me crying because I was so engorged my nipple wouldn't cooperate for him to latch.

It was choosing to pump over going to sleep knowing he was going to wake up again in 2 hours and would need to eat again.

It was me trying to stay positive and determined because he latched earlier, no problem, but this time we can't get a latch. So I end up crying again when I have to give him pumped milk in a bottle instead.

It was both of us crying in the middle of the night because I couldn't get my nipple shield to stick long enough for him to latch. And I'm just so tired. And he's so hungry.

It was pumping, pumping, pumping!

Always pumping.

It was packing a hand pump every time I left the house, even if it was for just an hour.

It was packing and toting an extra bag with my electric pump, parts, bottles, nipple shields, on top of everything else we had to take with us, to visit my parents for the day.

It was spending x amount of time pumping while visiting.

It was crying while choosing to pump over peeing or eating or resting while he slept because I hadn't had a chance to pump while he was awake and I was starting to leak every time I moved.

It was everything but what I had imagined it being.

The act of breastfeeding was something that I thought should be beautiful, easy and natural, and I wanted it to be so badly.

But by week 3 it was, instead, causing severe anxiety.

After many shed tears and a discussion with my wife we decided that we needed to end our breastfeeding journey for my mental health. It was such a hard decision and I missed it so much for awhile. I even thought once or twice about trying to start again, but would then remember how consumed and overwhelmed it made me feel and decided not to.

When I stopped breastfeeding/pumping I felt less and less cravings and after a while didn't snack as much, and my ice cream addiction just...went away.

But I still crave chocolate ice cream once in a while.

And now, every time I eat it, I think about last summer, eating ice cream hours after giving birth, our struggle with breastfeeding, and how it all seems like it was just yesterday.

And I sigh a little, wishing I could go back and do it all again, struggles and all. Because it all just went by so fast!

And now, in the blink of eye, this little baby that cried with me in the middle of the night, will be 1 and calls me Mama!🥰

[psicomma-s-very-secret-lab]

#Introducing ToSha

I've come to realize I've never said anything about Keisha and Tony. This ship was only born last summer but me and my friend have caught back a serious case of ToSha fever a few days ago so I'm taking this opportunity to introduce them properly.

*Keisha and Tony are part of a story yet unnamed that takes place a few days/weeks after the events of Blindsight. Tony actually has an active role in Blindsight since he's the handyman of the Nocenti family who wants Shaun, Chester and Ani dead. By that I mean he's taking care of all the dirty work. I don't wanna spoil Blindsight but Tony ends up more or less changing sides and betraying his family by making a bargain with Shaun to save Ani (they've got a hilarious bromance going on but that's another story)

*Tony is a smart guy. And also kind. His dad, Gene Nocenti, is a mafioso, his mom is a nurse and he's very close to her. He has a conflicted relationship with his brothers because he wasn't born from the same mother. Astero, the first born blatantly dislikes Tony and used to bully him when they were kids. Marco, the second born, is used to walk into Astero's footsteps, so he's mimicking his brother's animosity towards Tony without really knowing why. Silver, the youngest of the bunch (Tony's little brother) was the only one Tony could really get along with on his father's side. Tony was Silver's role model and they spent a lot of time together despite their differences.

*And then there's Keisha Romero. The prettiest girl on the block. The prettiest girl in all the fucking Bronx, some would say. Tony and Keisha have known each other since forever, they've been living in the same street since they were kids (Keisha with her parents, her grandma, her two sisters and her baby brother, and Tony alone with his mom) so they didn't see each other as a potential romantic interest at first, not at all. He was just a stupid guy heckling with the other boys on the block, she was just a bratty little miss know-it-all who thought she knew better because she was reading her dad's newspaper.

*Around 11-12 they started to see each other under a different light. Keisha was becoming prettier everyday, the boys were slowly beginning to notice it. Tony on the other hand stayed a scrawny stray cat for a long time, but never really felt self conscious about it. It's only around 15 he had the most epic glo-up, nobody understood what happened.

*Keisha always liked Tony. That's why she was always acting superior with him ; she was clumsy but all she wanted was for him to notice her. She liked him even before he got the glo-up and her friends would start giggling whenever he would pass by in the hallway. It's also probably the reason why she would dismiss all the boys who would be bold enough to ask her out. At 15, Keisha had the reputation of a virgin warrior princess in high school. She was seen as unreachable. One day Tony's friends dared him to ask her out, he didn't want to do it, but the boys pushed him and turned that into a bet "if she says yes you win 50 bucks! But I guess we'll never know cause ya ain't even got the balls to ask her. "- Tony didn't like that. He liked Keisha and wanted to ask her out but that thing felt really wrong, she didn't deserve to be played. In the end Tony took the bet reluctantly ; cause he was 15 and you know how easily a young boy breaks under peer pressure.

*To everyone's surprise, Keisha said yes when Tony asked her out. Especially him. "Are you for real?" "Yeah but I gotta be home by 9 and you'll have to pick me up and walk me to my house after that." He was the only guy she wanted to go out with, but he had no idea. Tony won the goddamn 50 bucks, but he didn't give a shit. He had a date with Keisha, the prettiest girl on the block. But to him she was still bratty ShaSha ; he gave her that nickname when they were kids and she never liked it, so he never gave it up.

*They started dating and it was wonderful for like one month. He was her first date, her first slow dance, her first kiss (excuse me yes, this is a teen movie sorry I should've put a trigger warning) but rumours run fast and ShaSha quickly learnt about the bet. She was furious. She went to talk to him that afternoon where he was chilling with his friends in the yard and slapped him before he could even say a word. Then she dumped him in front of everyone, and left, still furious. Tony's friends were laughing at him but he didn't really care. He knew he wouldn't be hanging out with those fuckers anyway from now on. Keisha cried herself to sleep that night. Tony was also her first heartbreak.

*Keisha got over that heartbreak eventually. The next year, Tony found new friends, and his new friends were friends with Keisha's friends so they ended up forming a clique, eating together at lunch, etc. At first Tony and Keisha were avoiding each other, but everything went fine when she found herself another boyfriend and finally accepted Tony's excuses. They were hanging out again. They were closer than ever. Tony didn't mind that Keisha was dating another guy, he was happy for her. But on the other hand, Keisha wasn't as happy as she claimed when Tony started to date Maria, a friend they had in common. She was jealous af. And she started idealising Maria and having self esteem issues. She broke up with her then bf shortly after that. The days passed and Tony and Maria were still together. Tony was treating her right, and Keisha was happy Maria found him cause she deserved it (the girl had a very difficult family situation, and a very tough life in general) but she couldn't help feeling jealous and she felt awful for that. He was really in love with her, and she hated it.

*When they were in senior year, Tony and Keisha's lives took separate paths. They both got accepted at Columbia university, and they were excited to go and to be able to see each other there, but things went down by the end of the school year : Maria got addicted to heroin, and Tony's mom was attacked by enemies of the Nocentis (cause Tony's mom is a nurse, that's how she met his gangster of a father. She still heals his men from time to time) and after all that Tony didn't feel like going to Columbia anymore. He couldn't leave his mom, he couldn't leave his girl.

*Keisha went to college and did very good. She liked the life on campus, and she liked to study. The life in Manhattan was nothing like in the Bronx, and she enjoyed that change. She felt like she could've gotten used to that. Everything was good as gold for her but nasty things were happening at the same time in the North of the city, in the streets where she had been growing up. Keisha's dad got sick, he was no longer able to walk, her kid brother, Joaquin, was becoming a troubled teenager, got arrested for theft and assault multiple times before the age of 14 and was sent to juvenile hall at 15. Maria had died from an overdose, and Tony was nowhere to be found. She didn't try to keep in touch with him ; when was silently blaming him because he chose to stay in the Bronx instead of going to uni with her. She understood her choice and didn't expect less of him, but she was mad, mad that he didn't give up everything to go with her.

*Keisha heard back from Tony at 23, when she was about to get her master's degree. She had a boyfriend, a PhD student from the same department as her, and everything was fine, until Tony reappeared. She agreed to meet with old friends from high school downtown, and Tony offered to pick her up so they'd go together. He knocked at her door, she opened, and all her feelings were brought back to life the second she saw him. It was a weird love at first sight ; falling instantly for someone you've always known. He was the same but he was different, it showed that he had grown out brutally from boyhood to become the man he was now. Also he was wearing a sleeveless hoodie, was visibly just going out from the gym cause his strong arms were glistening with sweat. She couldn't help but to stare like an idiot. He stared back at her "Campus life did you good ShaSha, you're beaming". It took like... One minute before things got completely out of hand and they ended up fucking each other's brain's out in Keisha's dorm room. They didn't know where that came from ; they hadn't seen each other in years, they had no idea what they were doing. They just knew they needed it, and that it felt good.

*Keisha had never been an 'easy girl'. The idea of sex always more or less repulsed her, and even though she had been dating a few guys since she was 15, she didn't lose her virginity before that day, with Tony. Once again he was her first, and it felt amazing cause that was exactly what she wanted. She knew she was cheating on her bf but she didn't care, cause Tony drove her completely crazy. What she didn't anticipate was the consequences of that raunchy afternoon spent on campus with her long time friend. Three weeks later she realised she was pregnant.

*Coming from a very Catholic family, and being the good and committed daughter that she is, Keisha renounced to abortion. She graduated with her bump starting to show. Her bf, thinking the kid was his, agreed to settle down with Keisha and help her raising the baby. They moved to South Carolina where he found a job as a teacher, Keisha gave birth to a beautiful boy that she named Noah, and they lived together for two years. They eventually broke up when Keisha confessed to her partner that he wasn't the baby's dad.

*Keisha went back to the Bronx only to find out the place she used to know had turned into a warzone. The Nocentis who had been protecting the neighborhood for decades were severely weakened now that the drug market had been stolen from them by an international cartel. Joaquin, Keisha's brother was out of juvenile hall and visibly not decided to go on the right track; he was now in bed with the local mafia.

*Tony was also irremediably on the wrong side of the fence at the moment. Keisha didn't want to know what he was doing exactly for his father and brothers, but the way people talked about him -the way they looked away when they mentioned his name- she knew it was probably bad. Very bad. When Tony saw Keisha coming back with her kid in her arms, he knew she would definitely always be out of his reach. He knew he was involved in very nasty shit, he didn't like or dislike his situation ; it was the way it was. He just knew it wasn't for her, he was ready to give up on her. He didn't understand why she came back. He had no idea he was the main reason.

*Shortly before the events of Blindsight ; Joaquin is killed by the Nocentis out of retaliation. Silver Nocenti is severely wounded after an altercation with an individual named Shaun Myers who happens to be closely related to the mortal enemy of the Nocenti family. Silver succumbed to his wounds a few days after that, in his hospital bed.

*When the 'Blindsight-extended-story-that-doesnt-have-a-name-yet' begins, Tony and Keisha are both mourning the loss of a younger brother, Keisha is doing money laundering for the Nocentis to pay back her brother's debts on top of breaking her back at the local diner to get money to feed her kid, while being blackmailed by Marco, Tony's older brother who's got his eyes on her. Tony is busy with the criminal stuff and the grief and the vendetta, and he doesn't know he's the father of Keisha's son. Ofc these idiots are still in love.

It's a mess but I think you got the pitch now *sweats nervously*

A cookie to anyone who managed to get to the bottom of this monster post without dying asphyxiated by all the fluff during the teen movie part at the beginning! 🍪

[kaysblackrose]

I love the holiday season. The kids so too. Well at least, my son does so far. The baby will eventually like holidays, I hope. 😁

We went to a convention center with my MIL bc she wanted to get a photo with Santa. I've got professional photos with Santa for the kids scheduled for December 10, but she insisted on going to this one too.

We got to the convention center and looked at all the pretty trees, took our photo with Santa, and headed home after a while. Daughter got sick at home, dunno what she has not shes had no fever so far.

We picked up our dog from the kennel, she was there one extra day to get her nails clipped and as I suspected.... It took two people to get that done. In all fairness.. .I warned them.

The dog came home yesterday and literally slept all day. They wore her out!

We went and bought my mom her Xmas gift some I kept seeing it on sale for 189$, a KitchenAid mixer. She's kinda hinted at wanting one... So I got it and asked family if they wanted to chip in to make it a group gift. So far two of my niece's and nephews have pitched in money, so 75$ is paid by them. I'm hoping one more person will pitch in and help out. That way I can afford more stuff for other people too. My husband was okay with us spending the money but made me promise no more big gifts for anyone else since both of us got one expensive gift for each parent. Ha, well now mine is cut in half almost. So mine isn't expensive anymore. 😁

The baby got sick twice yesterday and had a messy diaper 3 times really bad so she's on a Pedialyte diet this morning. I made her another bottle just in case and she's not interested. Well at least she's drinking the Pedialyte. I'll call her Dr if she continues to get sick today. It just seems like a stomach bug.

Well that's about it today, I'm hoping it will snow a bit soon. I'm waiting for my son's father to get back to me about home schooling our child. I'm getting my son tested to see if he's on "the spectrum" soon. His pediatrician suggested I get him tested a few months ago but I was waiting on some school paperwork bc the testing facility wanted it.

So here I am, today I'll send the paperwork off. If he's tested and he is on the spectrum, I will get a better idea of how to go forward with some stuff. He's always been different, acted younger, had sensory processing issues, he's smart but falls behind in some things that kids his age generally catch on to.... He just shares a lot of traits....

I love him but I need to know what I can do for him to help him since school is very hard right now for him.

[nanaguineverexx]

Too young to be broken ...

It was suppose to be a match made in heaven but there are things that is beyond our control.

My parents were both eighteen and students when I came into their lives. Dad continue his study even after my mom gave birth and my mom was a hands on first time mom to me that time.

I was 8months old when my mom decided to work abroad for our future and dad was still in college that time. At first things are doing well, the communication and support was there not until one day things went different with my parents and decided to break up. I was just an innocent baby that time who knew nothing but to cry and sleep. That innocent baby was too young to be broken ...

When my parents separated and trying to build their own lives, they left me to my Grandmama. Since then she was the mother and father figure that I always look up to. Since Grandma has 7 sons, she treated me like I was her only daughter and the youngest of her children. She poured me with love, care, support and even gave me everything just to make me feel that there is nothing missing in me.

Since my Grandma is a public school teacher and no one is going to look after for me she had no choice but to bring me too at school. She would bring all baby things that you could imagine. For her 38years of her service as a teacher maybe half of that year was also the years I've spent growing inside the school campus.

She loved me so much. She love me until now though she had join our creator in heaven but I know her love for me will never fade.

Many would say that I was a spoiled brat, maybe because of the love and attention that my Grandma has given to me. We celebrate my small victory, my perfect 10 items quiz, we hug&cuddle at night before we sleep, I love to listen her stories when she was young and we fight sometimes. We were fine being just the two of us together. We feel like we were contented with each other, and my Grandma is my everything.

See the picture above? That was us in Brisbane Australia. After she retired, she decided to take a 2 months vacation abroad. She could just leave me here in the Philippines and tell my dad to look after me for the mean time but she didn't. There were delays with the flight schedule because I was a minor and they need my mothers consent which is mom is out of the country too. I can still remember how Grandma cried at the DSWD explaining that she was the one who took care of me since I was a baby. She love me so much that she dont want to leave me.

Easy baby girl

Iana Lhane Payot Abundo

August 24 1998

Baby girl

I called my dad through phone and asked him about my behavior when I was a baby and this is what he said ...

"You are adorable cute and very energetic. You do not choose or cry if other people will carry you. You know a lot of stunts and you can easily learn how to close open, beautiful eyes and much more. You are just an easy to handle child because you were not a cry baby."

Then I PM-ed my mom who is now in Japan with her new family and asked her the same question, then she answered ...

"Compare to Aya, Tatsuya and Reina you are just behave and easy child. When you have fevers you just sleep"

And I guess that's it :))))