#-and being for real life MARRIED for like a whole month then just waking up back home in the winter

[puppyeared]

learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way

[yagirlqueenie]

shout out to the baby me and @bunnyai adopted from Hawaii and got us to move there in my dream that lasted a whole month dream time last night. I woke up so fucking confused in my bedroom, babyless, 11AM the day after Christmas.

u will be missed bbygirl😭

[clipartdinosaur]

Griddlehark Fics

I have read an absolutely insane amount of Griddlehark fanfics in the past few months so I figured I could make a like...list of all of my favorites that I bookmarked. I'm not sure if anyone will use this but if anything it will be for my own self-indulgence LOL. Just a heads up, this list WILL contain spoilers up to Nona the Ninth, so proceed with your own discretion. Anyway here we go!

(♥︎ = favorite!)

Short (<15k):

"By the Sword" by JeanLuciferGohard (2.6k)

The Reverend Daughter of the Ninth, Necrosaint, Ascended, the greatest bone adept in an Age, does one push-up, and collapses. Harrow does not beg for her cavalier. Harrow rakes her hair back and snarls, “Nav, I am going to unzip your cranial sutures. One by one. And zip them up again sideways.”

"Your Necro Questions Answered" by Magichorse (8.8k)

Syndicated columnist "Nav the Cav" offers a sympathetic ear to cavaliers across the galaxy and dispenses practical, no-nonsense, real talk advice on how to properly manage and care for your necromancer.

"A Lesson in Bones" by Magichorse (3.8k)

One of the laboratory trials at Canaan House compels Harrowhark to swap bodies with her cavalier. What will Gideon do with the power of the most talented bone adept in generations at her disposal? Nothing good, probably.

"Visions of Gideon" by tothewillofthepeople (13k)

Oh my god they were roommates...

"true love's kiss, or something equally nauseating" by corpsesoldier (4.6k)

She was where she needed to be. She was going to pull her necro out of this godforsaken tomb, end the game of musical bodies they were playing, and then everything would be all right. Harrow would be alive. And Gideon was going to give her shit for approximately the next myriad for not just taking what she’d offered and saving them a whole lot of trouble.

"The Big Warm Dark" by decalexas (haelstorm) (2.7k)

Gideon Nav knows how to swing a longsword, brandish a rapier, bridge the gap between life and death, punch the dead in the face, and maybe overthrow an Empire along the way. What she doesn't know how to do is reach for the girl who made all of this possible.

"carrion comfort, despair (not feast on thee)" by NotAFicWriter (5k)

Some time after Alecto wakes, Harrow and Gideon finally have a moment to speak to one another. Hearts are bared. Teeth are bared. Intentions are bared. It all comes at great personal cost (emotional honesty).

"never exhale all the way" by pigflight (1.2k)

Harrowhark paints Gideon's face.

"such an almighty sound" by CountingNothings (10k)♥︎

“I need you to marry me,” Harrow says, a propos of absolutely nothing that Gideon can see. And, uh, okay, this is not what childhood best frenemies say to each other upon discovering that both of their graduate programs have weird residence requirements. “What,” Gideon asks, “the fuck?”

"A Handsomely Dangerous Thing" by zoicite (1.5k)

Had Harrow ever looked at Gideon and felt pride before? Surely not. It sat like a tumor in her chest, a cancerous lump that had grown where it did not belong.

"How it didn't happen" by Nary (1.5k)

"How did you lose it?" Coronabeth asked, more softly than her sister's shrill voice. The group assembled at Canaan House barely knew her, and yet here they were, asking the most irritatingly personal questions, and acting as if they were being kind and thoughtful by prying into her secrets. "I dropped my pen into a vat of acid and reached in to grab it without thinking," Harrow said dryly. Coronabeth recoiled, screwing up her pretty nose. Ianthe looked unsure whether to believe her or not. Their meatslab of cavalier just stared blankly. "The Daughter of the Ninth House was blessed in this manner from her birth, as a symbol of her strength and power over the mysteries of necromancy," Ortus interjected. Harrow glared at him. "Oh," Coronabeth said, an expression of disgusting sympathy on her flawless face. "But then you would never have known who your soulmate was!" Harrow's glare intensified. "My soulmate is bones."

"Halcyon Nights" by Morike91 (10k)

It was hard to tell what was worse: feeling the full warmth of those unguarded honey eyes fall on Harrow, or watching them narrow in recognition and contempt, their warmth now hotter with something else.  “What can I get you?” It has been at least four years since Harrow last heard the voice of Gideon Nav, but it was still as familiar as her right hand. 

"I completely fucking hate you" by ClaraZorEl (7.5k)

In the coming weeks, Harrowhark learns an unfortunate great deal about Gideon Nav. The kind of porn she likes, the number of bread rolls she can fit into her mouth at once, that she always leans too heavily on her left leg when she fights but can do fifty-seven push-ups in a row without stopping, that her biceps rates 11/10 on the scale of good biceps, that her laugh rumbles like an army of skeletons, and most importantly, that she can’t fucking stand her. Gideon Nav is so grating that Harrow has no doubt she will be her undoing. OR Harrowhark Nonagesimus has been invited to Canaan University's ball. But to successfully represent her house, she needs a cavalier, and unfortunately, her only option is her least favourite barista from her least favourite coffee shop.

"A Thousand Teeth, Yours Among Them" by pipistrelle (7k)

"In the end, she poisoned Ortus; so it was Harrow Nova who walked out to the shuttle a half-step behind the Daughter of the Ninth, the chain of Samael Novenary wound about her offhand wrist, the black blade of the Ninth at her side."

"The Only Prayer We Know" by pipistrelle (12k) [Part 2 of "A Thousand Teeth, Yours Among Them"]

It's like a bad joke: two cavaliers (alive) and two necromancers (one dead) walk into a rebel faction of humanity, looking for a new life -- in every sense of the phrase. What they find is each other, and (in some cases) themselves.

"The Flames of Hell Are Warm" by silverapples (7k)

In which Harrow is a repressed evangelical Christian and Gideon performs burlesque in a lesbian nightclub. Feat. nipple pasties, chewing gum, and a steaming mug of gay coffee (wake up and smell it, Harrow).

"Necro Business" by rnanqo (1.6k) ♥︎

“Gideon,” you said carefully, “I will need to examine your mouth. Various structures, primarily the jaw, but also the lingual muscles—the tongue—” You stopped there. Your cheeks were going red, probably with indignity. “Yeah,” I said, a bit too loudly, “yeah, sure. Do it.”

"Holy Cross, Alaska" by softieghost (10k) ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎

Harrow meets Gideon. They go through it together.

"my love will be your armor" by TheKnightsWhoSayBook (2.3k)

"The princess has a right to bestow her favor on whoever she wishes to win a match," Gideon tells her. "Are you going to?" "Why would I? I don't want to marry him," Harrow answers bitterly. "Do you want me to win?" Princess Harrow will be engaged to the winner of the tournament, and her only champion is her useless bodyguard Sir Gideon Nav, who isn't going to save her. Unless...?

"The Meaning Of The Word" by pipistrelle (8.4k)

Harrow, along with a good percentage of Canaan University's necromancy students, has the flu. Gideon has a lot of feelings that she is in no way equipped to handle. It's a tough week.

"(i shine only with the light you gave me)" by sashawire (1.7k) ♥︎

God prods, gently, “Even just starting with their physical description, and we can go from there.” “Imagine,” you say, from somewhere outside your body, “the worst shade of orange you’ve ever seen in your life.” * Harrowhark receives her saintly title.

"i will learn to love the shears" by corpsesoldier (4.7k)

The avulsion trial left Harrow's hair in a sorry state and Gideon offers up her expertise with a blade. Or, Gideon gives Harrow a haircut.

"The Titty Texts: A Work of a Stupendous Titty Nature" by EleniaTrexer (3k)

Gideon accidentally sends Harrow boobs. And then just keeps on sending them.

"can we start over?" by breeeliss (10k)

Gideon needs a tutor. Harrow needs someone to get her out of college gym class. All in all, a pretty straightforward arrangement to make with your ex.

"Dark Mode Enabled" by senseoftheday (12k)

Tech Company AU in which a certain Sales bro with no filter decides to ruin Harrow's life (and feature roadmap) by initiating the cross-functional project from hell. At least, Gideon has the decency to work remotely, and Harrow's new office crush makes some pretty great coffee.

"deconsecrated graves" by emotionsandphenomena (4k)

Gideon and Harrow got out of the cult they were raised in. Okay, what's next?

"settle up in heaven" by liesmyth (3k) ♥︎

“Isn’t this arrogance, Harrow?” Kiriona says. “Think you could fix what God couldn’t?”

"Quoth the Maiden" by Sarsaparilla (10.9k)

The bold outlaws Nova Hawk and Gideon meet for the first time on a narrow log-bridge. But is it really their first meeting? Or: what if Robin Hood and Little John were both lesbians?

"twice in a blue moon" by sinshine (8.7k) ♥︎

Gideon snapped out of her depressing reverie and blinked at her. "That's a really good idea." "Obviously," said Harrow, and it was only a little bit condescending. "Step one, sneak out of the party. Step two, acquire the necessary items at a store. Step three–" Harrow gestured vaguely at the deer in Gideon's hands– "And step four, profit." [G&H rush to fix a smashed snow globe that Dulcinea made so that Cam doesn't kill them before the clock strikes midnight at their NYE party. The fact that Gideon is back in her hometown after a long time away and she and Harrow have unresolved romantic tension is secondary and definitely won't be a problem.]

"It Came From Planet Slut" by LockedTombMemes (8k)

Well. Evidently going undercover to an Idan society fling in order to deliver a message to a high-profile BoE agent was a tits-out kind of look.

"Apostate's Yuletide" by sinshine (12.6k)♥︎

Gideon raised one eyebrow comically high. She smiled easily, erasing any hint of the anxiety that Harrow might have sensed. "What's with all the questions today?" Harrow huffed indignantly and fidgeted with the blanket draped across her lap, worrying the frayed hem with her fingers. "I thought your ego would appreciate the interest." "Yeah, but it's weird coming from you. I'm used to you monologuing, not playing twenty questions." "Perhaps it's a Christmas miracle," suggested Harrow, with an expression so absolutely devoid of joy that Gideon couldn't help but laugh. [Harrow and Gideon burn down a church on Xmas.]

"when it's over" by Adertily (2.5k)

Harrowhark had sworn to herself to live to see the girl in the locked tomb awaken. Alecto has risen. Now God is dead, along with everyone who had ever been dear to her - and Gideon has returned as a distorted creature. The war is over. Harrow wishes she could be too. Or: A character study based on Harrow's suicidal ideation and Gideon's determination to never run anywhere unless she absolutely has to.

"Supernova Bloom!" by sinshine (13k)

"It's just for a week, and then you never have to see me again," said Gideon. "I don't have time to find anyone else." And, "Please." Slowly, Harrow took her hand off the door and cautiously turned around. Gideon watched a dozen unspoken questions flicker across her face. She voiced none of them, but eventually settled on an expression of grim resignation. "I suppose I could suffer you for a week." [Gideon needs help getting her new flower shop ready for the grand opening. Harrow needs cash.]

"I still need your teeth around my organs" by sinshine (7.8k)

Although she was a beloved Daughter and a talented necromancer, Gideon's greatest vice was that she dearly loved to fuck around and find out. Knowing this, perhaps it shouldn't have been as shocking when she lifted one of Nova's hands, flipped it over, and kissed her palm. [4 times Gideon kisses Harrow, 1 time Harrow kisses Gideon]

"cuckoo, cuckoo" by sashawire (1.2k)

What Wake gives it is not a name. To do so would be a moronic, unnecessary cruelty. But she does deign to give it the microscopic dignity of a title, a goal, a purpose. Bomb. Eighteen years later, in the rubble of a once-sacred home, Harrowhark Nonagesimus reaches up and touches Gideon Nav’s grit-covered, blood-rimed face, splits a laugh like the world is ending, and calls her “flower.” * Six times God's unwanted daughter was nicknamed, and once she wasn't.

"my teeth will only cut your lips, my dear" by sashawire (<1k) ♥︎

Gideon chomps into her tongue as hard as she can convince herself, stifling a very dignified squawk. Her eyes water, Emperor’s left tit that fucking hurts, but—it works. Blood weeps from the bite marks, creeping down the back of her throat, up into her nasal cavity, staining her teeth. Okay. She has blood in her mouth. Blood that, somehow, needs to get into Harrow’s mouth. * Step #6: Consume the flesh.

"fifteen percent concentrated power of will" by surreptitiously (9k)

Teaching someone to do a push-up is a love language, when that person is very annoying.

"GHAZAL WHERE I'M BEGGING YOU TO TOUCH ME" by igneousbitch (12k)

You had your body and I had mine, and it was a miracle. Your hands against my face were a miracle. The rest of your meat attached to your hands was a prayer answered and a promise broken, but we were flush and gasping and alive, and Harrow—I really thought you might’ve kissed me then. But I felt it happen. The way your breath suddenly stilled, and your body locked up beneath mine, remembering. How with splintering gentleness, you pushed me away. “I’m so sorry,” was the second thing you said upon waking. The first thing had been my name. Stranded in a safehouse on an Edenite moon, Gideon and Harrow try to put themselves back together.

"catch you on the flip side, sugar lips" by corpsesoldier (4.9k)

Maybe if Harrow's brain runs enough scenarios, she'll find a way to keep what she's lost.

"hand to heart, I swear" by corpsesoldier (5k)

Gideon has a broken heart, and there's only one necromancer who can fix it.

Medium (15-30k)

"If you're doing it right you'll break their ribs" by almostnectarine (22.4k)

"How do you know Nonagesimus has gone somewhere dangerous?" asked Isaac. "Have you wired some kind of alert system?" "It's, uh. It's on the schedule," said Gideon. "I just... forgot. Because of the bread." Nobody was convinced by this, least of all Gideon. "It's a Ninth House thing," Gideon went on, backing away with increasing desperation. This was a slightly more plausible explanation, if only because nobody wanted to look too closely at what fell under the awful skeletal-ribbed and rotting umbrella of Ninth House things. "Gotta go—!" And she was out the door, gone. But it wasn't a Ninth House thing, except inasmuch as it was happening to the only two representatives of the noble and decrepit Ninth House on this quite literally godforsaken rock. Gideon knew Harrow had gone somewhere dangerous—knew that Harrow was back in the lab where they had only just completed a horrible trial—because she could see it, clear as day: an awful overlay on her vision of that terrible dangerous room and a pair of terrible dangerous hands drawing some kind of ward next to the plinth. The hands were definitely Harrow's. This was definitely a problem.

"If Home Is Where the Heart Is (Then We're All Just Fucked)" by JeanLuciferGohard (17k) ♥︎

When Gideon Nav gets a call that her ex-girlfriend, who never bothered to change her designated emergency contact, is in the hospital, she goes against her better judgement and responds. Everything after that just gets more complicated.

"blue gray green lavender" by smolranger (29k) ♥︎

Laser Radial sailor Gideon Nav just wants pass her classes, win a few regattas, and keep her head down. FJ sailor Harrowhark Nonagesimus has grand plans to qualify for the Olympics, preserve her parent's legacy, and save her home town. Despite the ties binding them together, the two have kept their college lives carefully separate for two years. But when Harrow's helm, Ortus, suffers a concussion mid-way through the fall season, their carefully separated lives collide. Harrow needs someone capable of taking Ortus' place for the remainder of the season or her Olympic dreams — and Canaan College's entire sail team — are in peril. And Gideon is her only option.

"Daughters of Hungry Ghosts" by zoicite (24k)

Harrow and Gideon and times they have (and also have not) shared a bed over the years.

"Disney World, Florida" by softieghost (24.6k) [Part 2 of "Holy Cross, Alaska"]

After the events of Alaska, Harrow thanks Gideon the only way she knows how: devotion. -- Chapter 3: The journey concludes. More confessions.

"we've got a good thing goin' " by sinshine (14.6k) ♥︎

“Not to sound ungrateful, but being here makes me wish that you had left me for dead,” said Harrow. Gideon had been staring hard at the face of the fountain’s statue. She was pretty sure that it was carved in the likeness of Naberius himself, but she didn’t want to say it out loud and make it true. She shook her head and turned to Harrow. “Leaving me to live out eternity in your bony sock puppet of a body? Hard pass.” Palamedes and Camilla shared a look. It was the mutual understanding of two people who had been trapped in close quarters with the bickering of Gideon Nav and Harrowhark Nonagesimus for far too long. [Team 69 hide out in Babs's vacation home. Because it's not like he's using it anyway.]

"Cake by the Ocean" by zoicite (15k)♥︎

Okay, so the thing was, Gideon had always been shit at plans. She knew that. Everyone knew that, but this--she really didn’t think it would be this hard! Gideon’s voice was like the least memorable thing about her. Bargaining her voice for a well-shaped set of human legs--that really should have worked in her favor.

"careful fear and (un)dead devotion" by sinshine (23k)

[Gideon and Harrow wake up back in their own bodies but both of them are missing large parts of their memory. Camilla tries not to kill everyone.]

"who ya gonna call?" by igneousbitch (24k)

“Fret not, honeybun.” Gideon shook her red hair out of her eyes, belligerent. “I’m not totally sold on your whole skepticism thing.” “Well,” Harrow said, ignoring the nickname. She turned to the rest of the room, clearing her throat politely before addressing the empty air. “Ghosts, if you’re real, give us a sign. Make a noise. Move something. Send a shiver down our backs. Whisper softly into Nav’s left ear—” “I seriously fucking hate you.” - (Casual sex and paranormal investigation. Not necessarily in that order.) (or: the Buzzfeed Unsolved AU in which Gideon is ready to fight a ghost, and Harrow just wants to be haunted.)

Long(>30k):

"Beneath a Blue and Foreign Sky" by zoicite (35k)

Harrow has a decision to make.

"A Heart Full Of Sutures" by Rohad (40k)

All Gideon wanted was to get outside and ride her motorcycle. No part of that plan had included eight weeks in Canaan Medical Center with a broken Pelvis and the meanest little doctor this side of the eastern seabord.

"Midnight at the Mithraeum" by zoicite (66k) ♥︎

It'd been two years since Gideon Nav gathered her wine key and her gaming license and escaped The Locked Tomb, a speakeasy-style cocktail bar managed by the hateful Harrowhark Nonagesimus. Now, dealing tables at The Mithraeum Hotel & Casino, things were really looking up. So when Gideon scored a date with the most beautiful showgirl in the Gilded Halls of Ida, the last thing she expected was to wake up married to her old nemesis and former coworker. The story starts the night of Gideon's date and alternates between the events leading up to the wedding and the weeks that follow as Gideon tries to navigate life married to someone who claims to want nothing more than to forget she exists.

"Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea" by pipistrelle (90k)

Being the journal of Reverend Daughter Harrowhark Nonagesimus, chronicling the journey of the Emperor's warship Cenotaph on its hunt to slay an immortal Resurrection Beast. Or: the Moby Dick crossover AU that nobody asked for.

"The Darkest Night, The Brightest Light" by eternaleponine (50k)

Harrowhark has known for a long time that her home's financial situation is dire, and not getting better. She has plans to fix it all, but can't implement them until she turns eighteen in a few months. When her parents announce that the best (perhaps only) way to save Drearburh is to marry off its heir, Harrow realizes the timeline has changed and she needs to take action now to save her home... and herself. Desperate times call for desperate measures, after all. Enter Gideon Nav. Detested foe, and Harrow's only hope.

"putting your fist through a thick sheet of glass (i know you don't want to)" by oretsev (46k)

Harrowhark Nonagesimus and Gideon Nav have always been at each other’s throats, and the animosity has only intensified since the death of Harrow’s parents. But when a car accident leaves Gideon without any memories of her past, Harrow sees a chance at the clean slate she’s wanted for years. Becoming involved in Gideon’s recovery assuages some of the guilt, but as she and Gideon become closer and increasingly involved in each other's lives, Harrow worries that some of her secrets may be more than she can atone for.

Ongoing:

"semi-charmed kinda life" by strangedelight (182k+) ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎

Gideon asked questions. Harrow surprised her with answers. They reached an agreement; they decided to be smart, to be patient. Gideon made a promise, Harrow gave her one in return. Wait and see. OR the year is 1994, and Gideon and Harrow leave their small town for life in the city. OR team 69 roommates au only this time it's the 90s

"Intern the Sixth" by apocalypticTaco (33k+)

ADDRESSING THE HEIR TO THE NINTH HOUSE, OR PRESUMED EQUIVALENT: PALAMEDES SEXTUS, HEIR TO THE SIXTH HOUSE, PRESENTS HIS COMPLIMENTS TO THE NINTH AND REQUESTS A FORMAL ARRANGEMENT WHEREIN HIS MASTER WARDEN AND CAVALIER APPRENTICESHIP UNDER THE NINTH FOR FOUR YEARS IN EXCHANGE FOR THE SIXTH’S SERVICES. *Details to be discussed. Please turn to back page. Timeframe variable. Services and agreements variable upon the Ninth's request. An internship of this caliber is highly unprecedented and likely unheard of, but any information valuable to the Ninth and into the Tomb will remain undisclosed upon request; Primary experience and study is required as the Master Warden has already decided upon such being his final thesis prior to his end studies. No takebacks, no denials. Pleased to meet you. Palamedes Sextus, Heir to the Sixth and Master Warden and Camilla the Sixth, Cavalier Primary and Warden's Hand of the Library

TO THE MASTER WARDEN: FORMALLY REJECTED.

"What's Eating Gideon Nav?" by labyrinthineRetribution (40k+)

After a miserable fifteen years at Blessed Saint Anastasia's School for Girls, Gideon's luck finally changes.

"We Have Always Lived in the Apartment" by labyrinthineRetribution (171k+)

John looks up from his Jack and Coke in drunken curiosity. "What's with the face, Harrowhark?" he asks, genuinely concerned. "Contrary to popular belief," Gideon butts in, "her face just fuckin' looks like that, bitch." She tends to use "bitch" as liberally as commas when off her ass. "You're piss drunk," you shoot back. "And you, my good bitch, are just as contemptible as the day you clawed your way up from Hell." - It is Harrowhark Nonagesimus' birthday, and it only gets worse from there.

PWP (basically):

"I'll hold in these hands all that remains" by corvidlesbian (6.5k) ♥︎

“Do you want me to try?” Gideon said. “What?” “You got all hot and bothered without me trying. Do you want me to try?” Their newfound habit of cuddling gets interesting.

"sting of a wasp" by brightbolt, imperfectlyctor (42k) ♥︎

"You’re a virgin,” Gideon said, testing it out. "Huh." Harrow didn’t like the sound of that huh. She knew Gideon’s noises, and that was a thoughtful, sinister huh. That was the same huh she’d made before putting canned tuna in Crux’s work boots. Her eyes narrowed. “What.” Gideon cocked her head to the side. “Is there a reason you’re waiting?” There was no judgement in the question— only genuine curiosity. Perhaps it was this that made Harrow more inclined to answer. “I don’t have the time to look for someone new,” She shrugged. “And my available pool is… somewhat limited.” “Well,” Gideon said, with just a hint of conspiracy in those glittering golden eyes. “If you ever want to change that, you have my number.” What? What? Harrow blinked. “What?” Or: the five times Gideon and Harrow successfully bone, and the one time they don't.

"Suckle, Honey" by zoicite (7.9k)

“You crave my juice,” Gideon accused. “I do not crave your juice.” “Fuck, you do though. You went off to explore that study alone, without your cavalier, using a key that I nearly gave my life for, and then you snorted some powder that made you crave my juice! Harrow. I never would have let you sniff powder from a ten thousand year old jar.” This was untrue--Gideon probably wouldn’t have noticed Harrow breathing in a puff of jar powder until it was too late--but it sounded like something Camilla Hect might say, so Gideon went with it anyway. Camilla definitely would have stopped Palamedes from accidentally sniffing old as fuck Eighth House jarred juice addiction powder.

"Five Times We Hatefucked and One Time We Didn't" by rnanqo (8k)

“Fuck you,” you said. “Fuck me yourself, you coward.” You ran a hand through my hair, fisted it, and pulled my head up. From here I had a spectacular view of your weird blown-out seething expression, like I was the worst thing you’d ever seen. Also a view up your blood-crusted nostrils. Choice. “Maybe I will, Griddle,” you said. “Maybe I will stop fucking you over and start fucking you." Gideon and Harrow realize, abruptly, that their hatefucking is no longer hatefucking.

"a call to motion" by groundedsaucer (coasterchild) (10k) ♥︎

Harrow and Gideon watch a porno.

"put her canine teeth in the side of my neck" by stranded_star (8.8k)

Harrowhark Nonagesimus is getting a PhD and a divorce. Against her better judgment, she goes out to the bar to celebrate and meets an incorrigible, absolutely ripped salt-and-paprika butch who takes her home and gives it to her good. To her horror, it's the best night of her life, and she sneaks home with her tail between her legs. Harrow has more important things to worry about - like raising her daughter and building the next stages of her career. But when her daughter's favorite teacher, someone named Griddle, turns about to be the Gideon she met at the bar, she's forced to contend with allowing herself (and her daughter) to find the happy ending she never thought they'd have. Featuring MILF!Harrow, Teacher!Gideon, and a very amused Camilla Hect.

"The Wound That Swallows" by seelieunseelie (7.8k)

Harrow can make out an uncomfortable amount of detail about Gideon’s body beneath. Powerful, strong as ever, yet somehow vulnerable for its supplication below Harrow’s. “Are we gonna get this over with?” Gideon says in a voice softly scratchy. She blushes then when Harrow sits on the edge of the bed. “It will hurt,” Harrow says. “Yeah,” Gideon says. “I think I can handle it.”

[zalayni]

🌆 LOVE U 3000┊˚ ͙۪۪̥◌

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ pairing: earth 42!miles morales x reader

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ summary: your life is always interesting now that you're dating the one and only miles morales.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ author's note: the discord server for atsv fans between 13-16 is still open so hmu if you wanna join 😝😝

he cups his hand under your mouth whenever he feeds you food so it won't fall on your clothes.

“here Mami try this” miles cupped his hand under her chin and gently blew in the soup that he had in a spoon so it wouldn't burn your mouth.

your his shadowboxing victim whenever his friends aren't around

he doesn't mind being his nerdy self around you

miles punched the air and faked dodge a nonexistent punch before turning towards you as you sat on his bed with your phone in your hand. “do you think I can defeat batman?” you rolled your eyes and chuckled at him. “Miles he's like twice your size.”

you two obviously play fight for fun. he never once hurt you for real

he gets too lazy to type out his messages sometimes so he resorts into sending you voicenotes instead

deadly ass side eye whenever you jokingly insult him

“that purple hoodie you have on makes you look like grimace” you said with a hand on your mouth to stop the laughter that was about to burst out of her. Miles stopped in his tracks slowly turning his eyes towards you, side eyeing your laughing figure. “you play too much.”

he has the receipt tucked into his wallet from your guy's first date which was at the arcade.

has his lockscreen and wallpaper saved as a picture of you two. he changes it atleast once a month because he adores taking pictures of you.

a bright flash disturbed you from doing your skin care routine. you turned your vanity chair towards the source only to find Miles smiling down at his phone. “did you just take a picture of me?” “um maybe."

you two love to post eachother on your instagrams

bro does not know how to swim 😭😭 if you're able to swim then he'll ask you to teach him but if you can't that still won't stop the two of you from going swimming especially when it's summer

stares at you whenever you're doing your makeup, hair, or even your skincare.

“Morales you're staring.” you joked seeing him stare at you from the corner of your eye. this made Miles scoff “so what?”

he wears a chain with your initial as the pendant and he wears matching bracelets with you.

whenever he sleeps with a bonnet on he wakes up with the end of it hiding one of his eyes.

“what are you laughing at?” he croaked still obviously half asleep. “did you turn emo miles?” you asked before pointing at his bonnet that slipped down, hiding his left eye.

really wanted to get his ears pierced and when he finally got them he was squeezing the blood out of your hands once they held the needle against his hear

you winced at how tight Miles's grip on your hand got. You saw him shut his eyes tightly when the needle went through making the hole for the piercing. Once it was all done he looked down at your hand noticing how red it is which made him laugh. “sorry Mami.”

“five more minutes” warrior. that man refuses to get up early even if you two need to be somewhere on time.

he has a habit of turning towards you with the "did you just see that?" look whenever he sees someone doing something embarrassing.

he'll ask you to come over just so you two can bake together. his mom thinks the two of you are adorable

he has a PC set up with a his gaming chair and right next to it is your set up and chair that he had bought so you two can play together

“do you like it?" Miles said while uncovering your eyes to show you his hard work on setting everything up. the whole setup was based on your favorite colors. “how much did this cost?” you asked making Miles shut you up with a kiss. “don't even worry about it.”

you two danced in the rain once thinking it was a good idea but the both of you ended up sick afterwards

he gifts you a promise ring since you two are too young to get married just yet

has a habit of turning his head so his lips could reach your hand whenever you cup his face

has a whole board filled with pictures of you two either from a polaroid or photobooths

over all gentleman towards you (and his mom ofc)

actually loves physical touch

you were standing up making yourself a sandwich for a late night snack until you felt someone snake their arms around your waist and rest their head against your shoulder. you didn't have to look over your shoulder to figure out who it was. “hey, you hungry?” miles hummed against your shoulder, tightening his grip on your waist. “yeah.”

when you two take the subway he has his arm wrapped around your waist while resting his hand on your hip as his free hand was holding onto one of the poles. he does this no creep comes your way and so you won't fall as the subway can be pretty rough at times.

pulls out his phone whenever you two aren't together in person.

“miss you :(”

“miles I literally just left like a couple minutes ago”

he knows whenever you feel down even if you don't say anything about it

“hermosa, look at me.” he lifted your chin with his hand making you stare up at him. “what's wrong? you're not your usual self.”

respects your boundaries and leaves you alone/drops the subject if you don't feel comfortable talking about it at the moment

“sorry, I just. I just don't wanna talk about it right now.” Miles smiled at you before kissing the top of your hand that he was holding. “it's okay mi niña hermosa, talk to me when you're ready."

[jointherebellion215]

Flowers

Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen x female!reader

Summary: You're living a perfectly content life on Geidi Prime with your husband. It's a shame your mind can't rest, sparked by glimpses of a life unknown. Loosely based on the song from Hadestown.

Word Count: 1.5k

TW: Dark!Feyd-Rautha, Dead Dove Do Not Eat, yandere!Feyd-Rautha, manipulation, gaslighting, like SO much gaslighting holy shit, descriptions of violence, abusive relationship, emotional abuse, isolation, tragedy, nonconsensual drug use, nonconsensual medical treatement, induced memory loss, amnesia, dubious consent, pregnancy, songfic, happy-but-not-really-happy ending, I know I said female!reader but there's virtually no pronoun usage or descriptive words in thisfor the reader besides titles so maybe GN!reader??

A/N: I'm blown away, almost 500 notes on His Kiss, the Riot? Holy shit, all of the thanks! Here it is, the final part! I'm ending it with the song that actually started this whole idea. Listening to Eva's interpretation of Eurydice singing Flowers gave me the most delicious, fucked-up bit of inspiration and this came out. I was clutching my own metaphorical pearls writing this cause damn, this gets dark. Like, way more than I thought I could write. Anyways, I hope you enjoy the end of this twisted tale. Thank you for reading! As always, I appreciate you taking the time to like, comment, and reblog.

Read Part One and Part Two

AO3

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Dune properties, characters, or storylines-- nor do I own anything related to Hadestown. The images used in this are not my own, and any similarities to stories or events other than what are directly referenced are strictly coincidence.

Lily white and poppy red

I trembled when he laid me out

“You won’t feel a thing,” he said, “when you go down”

Nothing gonna wake you now

Drops of blood. 

A wicked, black smile.

“You won’t feel a thing.” 

You wake up with a gasp. Your doctor had warned you about dreams like this. They weren’t real, just an aftereffect of your accident.

The medical staff for House Harkonnen had been gracious enough to inform you of your predicament. When your family had recently hosted the Harkonnens, you quickly met and fell deeply in love with the na-Baron Feyd-Rautha. Your love for each other was so intense that you had demanded to get married right away. Your father disapproved of the union, so he disowned you and banished you, demanding to never see you again.

On the journey back to Geidi Prime, a stray asteroid hit the ship and caused you to hit your head. Feyd had apparently worried for your life, which saddened you and warmed your heart. It was nice to know that someone truly cared for you. However, your mind wasn’t quite the same afterwards. Your life before Geidi Prime was completely unknown to you. Your memories were in a fragile state.

That was just a few months earlier. Unfortunately, your mind has not yet recovered your memories prior to the accident. You were diligently taking a specially brewed tea that would calm your mind so it wouldn’t fracture under the immense pressure to try and fix itself. When you asked how long it would take for you to recover, your heart cracked when they said that it may take the rest of your natural life.

While it broke your heart to hear of your father’s dismissal of your feelings, you believed that you were strong enough to carry on. Having no further ties to your home world made it better to settle in with your new family.

You are a Harkonnen now.

Now, your footsteps make the quietest of echoes as you traipse down the narrow corridor. Heads of nearby servants and slaves bow, and eyes snap to the floor as you pass by. You feel the barest of sympathies, for not being allowed the simplest of human connection with their na-Baronness. But it was paradise considering the consequences should anyone ever feel bold enough to try otherwise.

Your husband wouldn’t allow that.

Dreams are sweet, until they’re not

Men are kind, until they aren’t

Flowers bloom, until they rot and fall apart

“Can I not have a single friend on this planet?!”

You burst into your shared chambers, rage rushing through your veins. All you had wanted was to have lunch and tea with one of the few female palace advisors you had taken a liking to. Maybe share a laugh or a story. Make a connection outside of your new family. That was all ruined when Feyd barged in and gutted your companion, stomach-to-throat, while she sat in her chair.

You were sure that your shoes had trailed blood down the hallway, but your mind was focused elsewhere at the moment.

“What use would you have for friends? I am right here.” He closed in on you, grasping your arms and forcing you to look in his direction. “Am I not enough for you? Do I not give you everything you should ever desire?”

His hands tighten around your wrists, making you flinch. A stray tear falls from your eyes, guilt starts to overcome your anger.

“No, not at all, husband! You have given me everything I could have wished for and more,” You wrench your hands out of his grip and grasp his face. He showered you with gifts, never let you go hungry or thirsty and this is how you repay him? “I just… I didn’t think you would want to hear me talk about certain things. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful.”

“I know you don’t, my darling.”

You take a deep breath as you feel the tension in the room start to settle.

“Your mind is already fragile from the accident… I just want to keep you safe.”

Safe. That was the key here. He takes step back and retrieves a small dagger from his belt.

Feyd holds it up, showing you the weapon. “Did you know that your friend had a blade dipped in poison strapped onto her person?”

You can feel the blood rushing from your face. No. You didn’t know.

“I-I didn’t see a knife on her. She couldn’t have-“

“She did.”

He drops the blade and leans in closer to you, forehead aligning with yours. “There are people out there who seek to harm you, who seek to harm me through you. I can never let that happen.”

You nod furiously. You couldn’t believe that you had been so stupid. 

Trust is unbelievably hard to come by in the Galactic Imperium. Your few months’ worth of memories can even attest to that. It seems that the only people you can truly rely on is family.

“I only want what’s best for you.”

You understand now.

Is anybody listening?

I open my mouth and nothing comes out

Another argument discussion had emerged from your telling of your latest dream. Your husband was convinced that you were entirely too exhausted to put any stock into what your subconscious was telling you, but you thought otherwise.

Fingers run through a patch of bright pinks, yellows, and blues—

“I swear to you, it felt so real! It was almost like a memory, like something I-,” A firm hand is placed on your shoulder as you give a slight stumble. Feyd puts a hand on your back, leading you to the edge of your bed, setting you on the bench that was placed against the footboard.

“Please, have some of your morning tea, my darling. You look a bit peaked.” You accepted the cup he gave you, settling down and taking a few sips of the warm, spiced drink. Your mind instantly calms, anxieties evaporating from your body like puffs of smoke. Never mind the memories that you had just… Floating.

Your husband is now on one knee in front of you, arms encasing your body, as his hands cup your face. He brings your eyes to meet his, seemingly searching. For what? You do not know.

“What were you saying about this dream of yours?” A pause reverberates throughout the room as your head tilts in confusion.

“My…?” You stutter, mouth opening to complete a thought that was no longer entirely there. “I can’t quite remember. What were we talking about?”

Your husband gives a smirk, analyzing your face once more before placing his hand on the dark fabric covering your swollen belly.

“Nothing of import. It seems that my heir is set on scrambling your thoughts.”

There seemed to be nothing in this world that brought more joy to Feyd-Rautha’s face than the sight of you and his unborn child. He’s more protective of you now than ever, having guards always posted near you, having you wear a shield during all public appearances. Not to mention, he was damn near insatiable in private. His hands and mouth are practically dragged away from you and your growing stomach every morning.

You give a chuckle. “I’d heard about pregnancy brain before, but never knew it to be this taxing! Perhaps I’ll take a walk later if I’m feeling up to it.”

Feyd gives your cheek a soft pat before rising to his feet, “Rest, my darling. I shall check in on the both of you later.” His hand rests next to yours, giving your belly a quick rub before he walks towards the door.

Your head goes to set on your pillow, the warmth from the tea running through your body. You must be really tired, since you fall asleep so quickly.

Quick enough to not hear the deadbolt lock clicking from the outside once the door is closed.

Flowers, I remember field of flowers

Soft beneath my heels

Walking in the sun, I remember someone

Someone by my side, turned his face to mine

The dreams start to encroach your mind while you are awake. You continue to follow your doctor’s instructions: take your daily tea, rest often, don’t overexert your body or your mind. But, ever persistent, they push through, finding parallels with your daily life to latch onto.

A hand, gently enlaced with yours, guides you through a meadow—

You husband’s hands lead you to stand with him by his uncle’s side, preparing for another ceremony.

A laugh, familiar and warm—

A chilling cackle of laughter reaches you in your viewing box, watching your husband gleefully slay another adversary in the arena.

Bright, yellow sunlight caressing your face and neck—

The black sun of Geidi Prime pulses in your periphery as you wave to a crowd below, your husband standing stoically next to you.

A kiss, given freely—

Feyd ravishes you in your chambers, lips melding together with yours.

My darling—

My love—

My darling—

My darling—

My darling—

My darling—

My darling—

“Is everything alright, my darling?”

You blink, snapping back to the present. Pale, smooth skin and blue eyes, your husband extends his hand towards you. Safe. He gives you everything. You and your child will never struggle or suffer with him. You are safe with him. Aren’t you?

Blood splatters over a patch of bright pinks, yellows, and blues—

You give a bright smile.

If you ever walk this way

Come and find me lying in the bed I made

[cottoncandy-cult]

Future Family

Modern Au

Ceo! Itachi X Pregnant Wife! Reader

Itachi sat in his home office, sorting through some emails as he prepared to let his younger brother take care of their family company while Itachi himself took parental leave. His wife was pregnant and getting close to her due date, Itachi being the man he was couldn't bring himself to leave her alone in this last month and a half. He had also planned to help her during the first 3 months after their kids were born and his mom was gonna check on and help her until things had settled down; all the books he had read to prepare for the pregnancy, birth and newborn care had ultimately put the fear of God in him. Currently his wife was relaxing on the couch in his office, laid comfortably on her side and napping as Itachi took care of business. Every so often he would stop to watch her, they had been married for 5 years now and she just looked absolutely beautiful to him in this state. Knowing that he was the reason her belly was so round, that it was children of their making that was living within her body. It sometimes felt like a dream, some nights he would wake up and spend up to half an hour with his hands on her belly just to come to terms with the fact that this was real. They were gonna be parents, he was going to be a father. They had already done a gender reveal a few months back, the pair was expecting twin boys. Itachi wasn't super into the gender fad; he just wanted a healthy baby he didn't care if it was a boy or girl.

But learning it would be twins? Now that got him excited. He knew it wasn't going to be easy, but he was ready to do whatever he had to in order to keep his family happy and cared for. Itachi had already had the room next to theirs made into a nursery, he even had a door added so that they could go from their room to the nursery quicker than just going around. They had agreed on gender neutral colors for the room, going with a nice smokey lavender with grey and white accents. They didn't want to pressure their kids and after doing some research on twins, both he and his wife decided it would be for the best to not make that their whole identity. Like if they ended up liking the same things, the parents wouldn't object. But they planned to let the kids lead on who they wanted to be and the things they liked, as there were several blogs of twins who felt they were forced to share an identity.

Itachi had set his papers down to observe his sleeping wife fully, somehow it had felt like this pregnancy had flown by and he was grateful for the videos they had made together through her pregnancy. It seemed like just yesterday that his wife came to him in the kitchen with a positive test in hand and a smile on her face, they had been trying for a few weeks and testing every few days, so this pregnancy was very planned and desired. Silently he moved to stand, soft steps approaching her before he knelt down to brush her hair out of her face. His hand moved to rest in her side, gently stroking along her ribs as he watched her sleep peacefully. Sleep had been hard to come by these last few months, the infants had been active and kicking at her insides more as they approached the birth date and it had made it hard on her to get and stay comfortable much less sleep for extended periods. Leaning in he pressed a kiss to her forehead, hand gently stroking over her belly as he took this moment to enjoy his break and bask in this feeling of love that almost overwhelmed him. Itachi was a family man, he adored his younger brother and was quite close with his mother.

He still remembers his family's excitement when they announced the pregnancy over dinner with them, his brother had almost choked on his food and his mother had engulfed him in a hug before his father could even stand. Every now and then his wife and mother would spend a day together bonding over the pregnancy and doing crafts, while he has a drink with his father to discuss the company and work life balance. Fugaku was a traditional man, but when Itachi explained his desire to be there for his family and place a boundary with work and home life the older man had been quite understanding. His father had opened up about his regrets with how he raised them, of course Fugaku wanted to ensure the honor of the company name and make sure it was there for Itachi whenever he had been old enough to take over but there were events he missed, and he'd spend the days thinking about it while doing paperwork. How he'd take his breaks, wondering how these events were going for his sons and hoping his wife remembered to record for him.

This had soothed Itachi's anxiety, knowing he had his father's support for his choice had made him feel heard and firm in his decision. He would be there for his sons; he'd make sure they were well cared for but wouldn't risk missing out on their big events for the sake of luxury. He slowly stood, glancing back at his desk he decided it was late enough. So carefully he lifted his sleeping wife, using his elbow to turn off the office lights as he walked down the hallway to their shared room. Her hands had gripped the front of his shirt, nuzzling him with a sleepy hum before settling once again. Itachi pressed his lips to the top of her head, walking her to their bed and laying her down as he gently pried her fingers from his shirt so he could change into his night pants. He grabbed his pjs, slipping into the master bathroom to brush his teeth and hair before getting changed. He was careful when sliding into his side of the bed behind her, wrapping a singular muscular arm around her side and letting his hand rest on her swollen stomach. His chest was pressed to her back, he was holding her close as his body curled against her own soft form. Soon there would 2 more little bodies lying with them, and he would hold them just as lovingly as he does their mother. These 3 would be his entire world, he was counting down the day til their birth as if it was a gift for his own.

[justagalwhowrites]

Wonderland

You and Joel get away for your first wedding anniversary.

A canon Lavender No Outbreak AU one shot inspired by a request for a fic based on the song "Your Body is a Wonderland." Can be read as a stand alone fic with the understanding that Joel and Reader have been together for years and are married with a daughter. You can find the original Lavender here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader from the Lavender No Outbreak AU (AKA Joel and Doc)

Length: 6.9k

Warnings: Smut :D! Oral sex; unprotected P in V sex; reader is described as being post-pregnancy and having a different body as a result but no broader description of her body beyond the fact that she has hair; age gap (reader is late 20s, Joel is late 30s.) No use of Y/N. Minors DNI, 18+ only.

January 2005

“Baby.” 

Joel’s hand found the small of your back but you didn’t look back at him. You stayed focused on the child in your arms, on her brown eyes and dark curls and skin so soft all you wanted to do was nuzzle into her and breathe in her sweet, baby scent. 

“It’s gonna be fine,” your husband pressed a kiss - gentle and slow - to your temple. “We’re only gonna be a few hours away…” 

“I know,” you said softly. Evie made a breathy little baby sound and you smiled. Couldn’t help it. 

“Tommy’s watched a baby before,” Joel continued as you swayed with your daughter. His hand shifted so it was below your shirt and on the bare skin of your lower back. “And Sarah will be here, too. And it’s just for two nights.” 

“But she’s never been apart from me,” you said softly, tears pinching at the back of your throat as you brushed her hair away from her little forehead. “What if she’s afraid? She’s going to look for me, she always looks for me right when she wakes up and I won’t be here and what if she can’t calm down and she doesn’t keep food down when she isn’t calm and…” 

“Hey,” he said, taking your chin delicately in his fingers and turned your head to face him. He smiled gently, his brown eyes soft and crinkling at the edges. “I promise, it’s gonna be OK. We can be back here real quick if something goes wrong and she’s with family. It’s OK.” 

You looked back at your baby girl. She wasn’t even a year old yet, it seemed too soon to be going away for a weekend, no matter how much you really wanted to. 

One of the downsides to getting married just a few months before having a baby was that you didn’t get much time to enjoy married life before it became all about the new life you’d brought into the world. 

Of course, Sarah had always been top priority for both you and Joel but, since she was a teenager, you could rely on her to look out for herself some so the two of you could get quality time. Before Evie was born, you and Joel regularly went out just the two of you. You could leave Sarah at home with cash for a pizza or she’d go to sleep over at her friend Lizzie’s place and you and your husband could go and make out at the back of a movie theater like teenagers.

A baby was a whole other story. 

You’d always loved children, loved spending time with them and seeing how they experienced everything, all of it brand new in their eyes. It was a joy to watch them discover themselves and the world and you adored hearing their thoughts as they puzzled through everything from basic societal rules to trying to figure out if there was a meaning to life. But you hadn’t been prepared for just how attached you’d be to your own child, who was both so much larger than she’d been when you’d given birth to her but still so impossibly small and fragile that even having her in another room made you anxious. It took months longer than it really should have for her to consistently sleep through the night because you kept checking on her, ensuring that she was still breathing and lying in the position that was supposed to be safest and that she didn’t seem bothered by dreams or colic. 

Being a few hours away was terrifying. 

But it was your first wedding anniversary with Joel and you really wanted it to be special. Wanted time just the two of you that you hadn’t had in the months since your daughter had been born. You missed being able to spend hours and hours with nothing in the world besides you and your husband. 

You just needed space from the baby to get that. 

So Joel had booked the hotel you went to for your wedding night the weekend of your anniversary and gotten Tommy to agree to stay at the house with Evie and Sarah for the two nights you’d be gone. You’d overheard him talking with his brother about it a month earlier, when Tommy was over for dinner and you’d gotten up to change Evie. 

“I’ll leave good instructions but you can’t be callin’ all the time,” Joel was saying as you made it to the living room, Evie squirming in your arms. “She’s gonna be a nervous wreck, rather just stay here if…” 

“Joel,” Tommy said, voice soothing. “I got your girls, it’s alright. Handled Sarah when she was that age, right?” 

“You’re why I can’t do exponents,” Sarah said dryly. “Dropped me on my head a few too many times…” 

“Someone needed to reel you in,” Tommy replied and you could hear the teasing wink in his voice. “Can’t have you being too smart now.”

“Mean it,” Joel said, tone serious. “Need you to actually do this…” 

“Joel,” he replied. “I got her. It’s alright.” 

It wasn’t that you didn’t trust Tommy. You did. You just didn’t know how to be this far away from your daughter, knowing how vulnerable she was and how much she needed you for everything. 

But you needed time for you and your husband, too. You were so dangerously close to getting lost in your identity as a mother, already struggling to remember just what you were before Evie existed. You needed a weekend away. Some distance would be good, for the both of you. 

“Come on, Mama,” Tommy smiled, holding his arms out. “Gimme that one and you two love birds get on the road. I promise if something goes wrong, I’ll call.” 

“But you won’t need to,” Joel said, raising his eyebrows at his brother. “Right?” 

“Course not,” Tommy waved him off. “We’re gonna have the best time, Uncle Tommy is going to be her favorite person, just you wait.” 

You sighed and nodded, pressing your lips to Evie’s soft little forehead and breathing in her sweet baby smell before passing her off to Tommy’s waiting arms. He pulled her into his chest and smiled, wide and open mouthed, making a happy coo. She cooed back, reaching her tiny hands up toward his face. 

“I know,” he said, voice high and childish. “I’m so much better lookin’ than your daddy! Yes I am! And so are you!” 

“Be a good girl,” you said as Evie totally ignored you in favor of her uncle. “Love you so much, big sister will be home soon and…” 

“Kid,” Tommy looked up from your daughter in his arms to meet your eyes. “I’ve got this. Go have fun.”

“Thanks again, Tommy,” Joel said. 

“But…” you began but Joel just shook his head and looped an arm around your waist, tugging you to his side and guiding you to his waiting truck. 

“You grabbed the bags?” You looked up at Joel and he smiled a little.

“Sure did.”

“And Tommy has the number for the hotel in case we don’t have signal?” 

“The hotel and the restaurant we have reservations at tomorrow and even the diner next door with the good waffles since I figure we’ll end up there at least once.”

“And…” 

“Baby,” he cut you off, opening the passenger door of the truck for you. “It’s going to be fine. There’s a stash of your favorite snacks in the truck and if you just get in the truck, we can go.”

You looked back at the house, biting your lower lip and twisting your fingers around on themselves. 

“OK,” you said, climbing in the front seat. Joel smiled, leaning in to kiss you before jogging around to the driver’s side door. 

The drive felt longer than it was, you seemingly hyper aware of every mile you were further away from your baby. But there was something invigorating about it, too. You had your husband all to yourself for the first time in almost a year. You’d had a few date nights, of course, and the two of you made a conscious effort to spend quality time together, even if it was just watching late night TV in Joel’s arms while Evie slept in her bassinet a few feet away. 

But this? Two nights with no obligation to anyone but each other? It seemed like the purest form of indulgence. 

“How we doin’ over there?” Joel asked about halfway into the drive. 

“Good,” you smiled. “The snacks have helped.” 

“I know my wife,” he smiled back. “Lookin’ forward to getting to know her a bit better the next few days…” 

Your cheeks got hot as Joel’s hand found your knee, gently trailing his fingers over your inner thigh. 

“Is there anything you want to do when we’re in Galveston?” You asked, suddenly feeling oddly self conscious. It had been so long since you’d last had this much time just you and Joel, what if things were different now? 

“Mostly?” He asked, brow cockily raised. “Spend time with you where no one else can get to ya. If there’s something you want to do we can but if it’s up to me, we’re stayin’ in that room.” 

“Joel!” You gaped at him, trying not to laugh. 

“What?” He glanced over at you, smiling a little. “I’m selfish. Don’t wanna share the best thing that’s ever happened to me with anyone else on our anniversary.” 

Joel pulled up to the hotel and parked under the overhang by the door, squeezing your knee as he turned off the truck. 

“You stay put just a second.” 

“OK,” you laughed, watching as he got out of the truck and jogged around the front of it to open the door for you, offering you his hand to help you down. You laughed again. “My my, so attentive.” 

“Least I can do,” he winked, giving your fingers a squeeze as you got out of the truck. 

He wouldn’t let you carry any bags besides your purse, either. When you tried to go with him to the front desk, he put a hand on your lower back and nodded to the lounge across the lobby. 

“Why don’t you go there,” he said. “Get yourself one of those flowery cocktails you like so much.” 

He steered you in that direction before you really had a chance to argue, so you went and took a seat at the bar and ordered a drink you’d never heard of but there was honey and lavender syrup in it so you figured it’d be good. You sat there sipping your cocktail, listening to the pianist in the corner and watching your husband in line at the check in counter, just admiring the shape of him. He was so tall and broad, his shoulders pulling a bit at his flannel shirt, and he was probably three weeks past when he usually liked having his hair trimmed but you’d been so busy with Evie’s first Christmas and everything that came after you hadn’t had a chance to cut it. 

But you liked him a little on the shaggy side. You smiled a little at the thought of running your fingers through his curls while kissing him and feeling him deep inside of you. 

The pianist changed to a new song and you fished your phone out of your bag, flipping it open and texting Sarah. 

Made it! How’s it going? 

Mercifully, Sarah responded quickly. 

Good! Tommy hasn’t dropped her yet.

You laughed a little. 

I’ll take it. She eating? How was school today?

Yup! Some baby food chicken and peaches. Tummy time now. And school was fine. All is OK Mom.

“In town for business or pleasure?” 

You looked up from your phone and flipped it shut to find a man in khakis and a button down leaning against the bar next to you. 

“Oh,” you almost jumped at his proximity as he looked you up and down. “Hi.” 

“Hi,” he smiled. His hair was blond and his eyes were blue and he looked a little bit like a Ken doll. Definitely not your type. “Can’t remember the last time I saw someone as pretty as you drinking alone at a hotel bar.” 

“Oh,” you said again. “Um…” 

“So I think you must be in town on business,” the man continued as though you hadn’t said anything. You tried to peer around him to see where Joel was in line but he followed you, cutting off your view. “No way you’d be here by yourself otherwise.” 

“Well, I’m here on vacation,” you said, fidgeting in your plush high top chair. “And my…” 

“Must be here with friends then,” he smiled. “Girls’ weekend?” 

“Well, no,” you laughed a little. “Actually…” 

“I know you can’t be here with a boyfriend,” he said. “If you were my girl, I’d never let you out of my sight…” 

“She’s here with her husband, actually,” Joel said from behind the man, who stood up straighter and turned, slowly, to find your husband at his back. Joel smiled. “Hi. Appreciate you keepin’ my wife company while I got us all checked in but, if you’ll excuse me, you’re in my way.” 

“Sorry, man,” he shoved himself up off the bar. “Didn’t know she was spoken for.” 

He trudged off to the other side of the lounge and you watched him go, making sure you didn’t audibly laugh until he was out of ear shot. 

“Oh my God,” you half laughed, half whispered to Joel. 

“I know,” he kissed your temple and laughed into your hair. “Leave you unattended for half a minute and got guys tryin’ to steal you out from under me.” 

“No accounting for taste in hotel bars, apparently,” you teased, going to polish off your cocktail but Joel put one of his large hands on your arm. 

“Take your time,” he said, taking the seat next to you. “Wouldn’t mind a beer after that drive. They’re gonna put the bags in the room, anyhow.” 

“Oh,” you gasped in faux shock. “So fancy!” 

“Only the fanciest for Mrs. Miller,” he kissed your cheek as you giggled. 

The two of you had some drinks and you were pleasantly tipsy for the first time in almost two years, only a glass of wine here and there since Evie was born and you were nursing. She’d only weaned about a month ago but you’d been too busy to indulge. Joel put an arm around your waist and guided you to the elevator and you draped yourself over him, giddily kissing him as you held yourself against him. 

“So,” he said between kisses. “Been thinkin’.” 

“Have you now?” You smiled against his lips. 

“There is something we could do to keep random men from tryin’ to pick you up the second you’re out of my sight,” he smiled back as the elevator dinged. 

“Really?” 

He turned you around and pointed you at the doors and kissed the side of your head before nudging you forward. 

“Room 1023,” he said. “And yeah, think there’s somethin’ that’s pretty easy to arrange.” 

“And what’s that?” You asked as he steered you down the hall toward the end of the building that faced the gulf. He pulled a room key card out of his pocket and swiped it at the door, opening it for you. 

“Well,” he said, nudging you into the room. “Bet they’d leave you alone If you had ring.” 

“I have my wedding band,” you frowned down at your hand and the simple white gold ring that matched Joel’s. “I like my wedding band.” 

“I know,” he said, closing the door behind him. “But thought you could use something with a little shine.” 

You made it all the way into the room and gasped, a bottle of champagne on ice, chocolate covered strawberries and a bouquet of roses waiting for you near the door leading to the balcony. 

“Joel!” You gasped, your hands flying to cover your mouth. “What….” 

You looked back over your shoulder to see him down on one knee, a little box open in his hand. 

“Joel!” You yelped it this time. 

“Never did ask you properly,” he smiled a little. “Figured I was overdue. Especially since you’ve given me the entire world, only fair that I get on my knees to ask you to do me the honor of continuing to be my wife for as long as we both shall live.” 

“Of course I will!” You dropped to your knees next to him and kissed him, pressing yourself against him. 

He more beamed than smiled against your lips and pulled the ring - a diamond-encrusted band  with no center stone, the gems making an almost floral pattern all around your finger as he slid it into place. 

“If you don’t like it, we can pick somethin’ else,” he said as you gaped at the ring. “Thought this was more your style and would be out of the way with the girls and then medical school…”

“It’s perfect,” you whispered, the stones reminding you of the flowering vines you painted on picture frames and table legs. You sat down fully in the floor and tore your eyes away from the ring to look at Joel. “But… I mean, can we afford this? I love it, I really really do, but…” 

“I had some money set aside for it,” he sat down next to you. “Wasn’t joking when I said I should’ve asked you years ago. I’d been saving up for a ring for a bit but then…” 

You looked back at your hand and just nodded, not wanting to think about the few weeks the two of you had broken up because Joel thought he was holding you back. 

Then your eyes went wide, looking back at Joel. 

“But I didn’t get you anything! We said the trip was our gift to ourselves and…” 

He laughed. 

“Didn’t want you stressin’ about it, Baby,” he said. “Now, why don’t we go get some dinner without worrying about the kids waiting for us at home?” 

You got changed into a dress that had been a little big before Evie and now was a little snug and hoped that it didn’t look too noticeable once you put a cardigan over it. But Joel didn’t seem to mind, looking at you with warm, soft eyes as he sat across from you at the restaurant. He put his hand on the table, fingers reaching for you, and you put yours in his. He smiled bigger when you did and gave your hand a squeeze. 

By the time you headed back to the room, you were having a hard time not ripping his clothes off in the elevator, his arms around you, holding you tight against his front as you kissed him deeply, his cock hardening against your stomach. 

When you got to the room, you dropped your purse on the dresser and tugged off the cardigan before going to turn out the lights but Joel caught your wrist, running his thumb over your pulse point. You frowned. 

“Joel…” 

“Was thinkin’,” he said, tugging you close to him. “If you wanted to give me something…” 

“I do,” you said, a little breathless as he trailed kisses over your forehead. 

“You don’t have to,” he said, his lips still against your skin. “I don’t want to make you feel obligated or uncomfortable but…” 

He trailed off, working his way down your jaw to your throat, your shoulder, until he lifted your wrist to his lips and kissed you there, too. 

“I’d like it if we left the lights on.” 

You frowned a little, looking up at him. 

“Really?” You asked. “That… I don’t know…” 

“Miss seeing you,” he said quietly, kissing your wrist again. 

“It’s different now,” you said, chewing on your lower lip. “I don’t look how I used to look…” 

Before becoming a mom, you’d never really been shy about your body with Joel. He made it very clear that he thought you were the most beautiful, most sexy woman on the planet. You might have questioned his judgement but you never doubted that he felt that way. But things were different after having a baby. There was just more of you now. You were hyper-aware of it, the fact that - even almost a year after giving birth - you weren’t anywhere near wearing your pre-pregnancy jeans and that, the more of you there was wasn’t exactly sculpted and smooth. You weren’t stupid, you saw the kind of woman who was on magazine covers and in movies, the kind of woman men liked. You’d never been further from that kind of woman than you had been in the last year. 

The last time you remembered being naked in front of Joel where he could actually see you was just after Evie was born, when he helped you in the shower while you recovered. It wasn’t like you’d been trying to turn him on then and that had felt strange enough, your husband’s hands on a body you didn’t fully recognize as your own. 

Ever since, you always put on a robe as soon as you were out of the shower. You’d stopped styling your hair and doing your makeup naked, even at the height of summer. And, while you and Joel had found a good groove with your sex life even with a baby at home, you always turned off the lights before you started undressing. 

“I know,” he shrugged. “I don’t, either. Didn’t have quite this much of a belly when I first conned you into bed with me…” 

You scoffed but smiled a little. 

“I like your belly.” 

“And I like your whole body,” he said, his hand going from your wrist to trace over your arm to the curve of your breast, down to your waist. “Love it, actually. Every damn inch of it.” 

You crinkled your nose at that. 

“But I have stretch marks,” you said. “And…” 

“Baby,” he smiled gently. “You’re my wife. Most beautiful damn woman on Earth. I love lookin’ at you. Loved it when we first got together, love it now. Hell, if I had my way, all I’d do would be look at you and our girls.” 

“Really?” You asked, brows raised. “Even right now?” 

“Especially right now,” he nuzzled against you before kissing you gently. “I know you don’t look like you did when you were 21 but I fuckin’ love that. Your body got you through college and helped raise Sarah and grew our baby girl. I want nothing more than to be able to really look at you, especially while I’m inside you.” 

“And that’s what you want for our anniversary?” You asked. “Just… me with the lights on?” 

“More than anything.” 

You took a deep, shaky breath. 

“Well, let’s pop that champagne because I think I need some liquid courage,” you said. “But OK.” 

Joel kissed you, gentle and deep, before opening the wine and pouring you each a glass. 

“To the most amazing wife anyone could ask for,” he said, tipping his flute to you. You touched the edge of yours to his with a quiet clink. 

“And to the most perfect husband.” 

You drank two glasses of champagne and ate a strawberry before you put your glass down on the table and took a deep breath, standing in front of your husband and feeling almost like you did the first time you got undressed in front of him. 

“Promise if I’m not what you want, it’s lights out?” You asked, stomach tight and heart pounding. 

“Oh, Baby,” he gently brushed your hair back before cupping your cheek in his large hand. “There’s no world where you’re not what I want. You’re exactly what I want. Promise.”

You swallowed hard and nodded, holding  his gaze as you reached for the zipper at the side of your dress, tugging it down slowly. 

Joel’s hand traced down your throat to the strap of your dress, slipping it down your arm until it hung near your elbow. He did the same with the other side before delicately tilting your chin to kiss you. His lips were soft and gentle, not desperate for you so much as savoring you. You moaned into his mouth and his lips grew firmer against you as he nudged you back toward the bed. You shrugged out of the straps entirely, your dress only held up by the fact that you were pressed tightly against Joel. He pulled his lips from yours just enough that you could look in his eyes. 

“I’ve got you, Baby,” he said softly. “Promise.” 

*** 

Where the hell you’d gotten it in your head that he wouldn’t want to see you, Joel had no idea. 

He couldn’t imagine something more ludicrous. All he wanted to do was look at you. If he could buy a ticket to sit and just look at you all day, he would. 

But you hadn’t let him in months and fuck, he missed seeing your body. 

It took Joel weeks to even figure out what was happening. Immediately after Evie was born, everything was exhausting and hectic. You needed rest, Evie needed constant care, Sarah needed to keep on top of her school work and extra curriculars, Joel could only take so much time off work. Sex hadn’t been on his mind at all, he only wanted to take care of his daughters and the woman who has given him everything he could ever need. He didn’t notice the small changes that happened alongside the huge ones. 

But as the two of you started to come back into yourselves as individuals and a couple - instead of just Mom and Dad - Joel started to notice a difference. 

You never got changed in the bedroom anymore. At least, not when Joel was there. You always went into the closet or the bathroom. The closest you’d come was tugging on your pants under your robe and putting on your shirt with your back to him. You always put at least one of his shirts on after sex, never sleeping naked in his arms anymore. 

And then he started noticing that you always turned out the lights before sex. 

You did such a good job of making it seem romantic or flirty, he was worried, for a moment, that it was because of him. If you weren’t really attracted to him anymore. But he caught you watching him with a hungry look in your eyes as he looked for a clean pair of boxers when he got out of the shower one day after work. Evie had been napping and Sarah was out with a friend and Joel practically pounced you. 

“You just got all cleaned up!” You laughed as he kissed along your throat. “You’ll get all sweaty…” 

“Sounds great to me,” he growled before nipping at your neck. 

“Here,” you pulled back from him. “Got a better idea.” 

You nudged him down onto his back and you took him into your mouth, licking and sucking him until he came down your throat with a desperate groan. 

“See?” You panted, wiping your chin clean. “Better.” 

While it certainly wasn’t bad, it definitely wasn’t better. Joel didn’t want to just get off. He wanted you. He wanted the rest of the world to fall away, to feel you everywhere, to watch you come apart while he was deep inside of you. You sucking him off was fun but it wasn’t what he craved, what he really needed. 

Once he pieced it together, he wasn’t even sure how to bring it up. What was he supposed to do, look at you and go “Hey, Baby, I’ve noticed you haven’t let me gawk at you like some stupid fucking teenager lately. Think we can make that happen?” 

He hadn’t even intended to bring it up this weekend. He’d kind of hoped that if he could make you feel special, that if he could give you some evidence of how much he adored you, you’d just… forget to turn off the lights one night. 

But then he was a few beers deep and looking at you from across the table, your dress tight across your breasts and eyes all but glowing in the candlelight and he couldn’t help himself. He needed you. He needed you to overwhelm all his senses, he needed to be able to worship at the altar of your sex. He needed to see you. 

But you looked so nervous - as though there was a snowball’s chance in hell that he’d look at you and not want you - it made his heart ache. 

“I’ve got you, Baby. Promise.”

You just nodded and Joel took the sides of your dress and pulled back enough from you that it fell away from your breasts, the soft flesh pressed high in your strapless bra. He tugged the dress over your stomach and hips until it fluttered to the floor around your feet and you looked at him through your eyelashes, your breaths coming quick and shallow. 

You were so much more beautiful than he remembered. 

The swell of your breasts, the soft curve of your stomach, the plushness of your thighs. He wanted to touch and taste and sink into all of you, every inch. 

“Oh, Baby,” he breathed, not able to take his eyes off you. “You are fucking gorgeous.” 

“Really?” Your voice was quiet, doubtful. He managed to pull his gaze from your body to look in your eyes. 

“Really,” he said. “Most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen.” 

You still looked uncertain. 

“Here,” he said, nudging you down onto the bed. “Let me show you.” 

He unhooked your bra and delicately removed it before pressing gently on your shoulders so you were lying back. He unbuttoned the top few buttons of his shirt before he pulled it over his head and cast it aside. He desperately wanted to feel your skin, fabric was just going to be in the way. You watched as he crawled up the bed beside you, his hand skimming over the softness of your stomach to your chest. He cupped your breast, cradling the warm, plush weight in his large palm before he thumbed gently at your nipple, the flesh peaking and pebbling under his touch. You groaned and squirmed a little, your thighs pressing tight together as your eyes closed, face sharply focused and he smiled a little. Fuck, he’d missed this. 

“Love how full you are here after nursing our baby,” he said, taking that firm little nipple in his mouth and sucking you gently as he held your breast, making your back arch. “So damn sexy, knowing I can make you feel good like this…” 

He moved to the other side, giving you the same treatment there, too, looking up at your face as you whimpered and moaned beneath him. 

After a while, he reluctantly moved down your body, trailing his lips over your breastbone to your stomach, his hands at your waist. 

“Love how soft you are here,” he said. “Love that you’ve grown and changed with me and our family.” 

He kissed slowly down your stomach, pausing at the top of your panties to tug them down, you lifting your hips from the bed to help. He dropped them to the floor and traced a finger over your glistening slit, making you gasp. 

“Love how warm and wet you are for me,” he said, thumb circling your clit. “That it seems like you want me almost as much as I want you…” 

“I do,” you were panting below him. “I want you, I want you so bad…” 

“Good,” he said, leaning down and giving your slit a gentle, almost teasing lick. “Because I’m gonna make you come for me. Gonna make you feel so good, Baby. Gonna make you see just how much I want you.” 

He sucked your clit into his mouth and you gasped, your back arching and your fingers knotting in the bedspread and he couldn’t help but smile against you as he looked over your body to how your head was pressing back into the mattress. 

Joel released you and ran is nose over your slit, pressing between your lower lips to nestle against your clit as his tongue dipped ever so slightly into your dripping core. 

“Joel,” you whimpered, trembling, body tense. “Fuck, Joel, I…” 

He slipped his tongue into your tight, wet heat and you gasped, back arching as you ground your hips down against his face. He couldn’t take his eyes off you as he ate at your sweet, tight little pussy. One hand stretched up to your stomach, spreading wide over your impossibly soft skin, the other sinking into the flesh of your thigh to pull the supple warmth of you against his cheek. 

Joel could feel you starting to tighten and tense around his tongue, your wetness dripping down his chin, and he was so fucking hard in his pants that he was rutting down against the bed. The taste of you, the heat, the musky sweet smell, the sight of you as you arched into him. He released your leg and thrust a finger into you alongside his tongue, pressing into the tender, deep parts of you he knew so well and you came with a choking little sob, your channel fluttering over him. He worked you through it, his touch easing as your orgasm did, until he slid himself from you as you lay, limp and gasping below him. He quickly removed his pants and underwear before kissing up your body, leaving a trail of your slick on your skin. When he reached your lips, he kissed you there, too, desperate and deep and you moaned into his mouth as his tongue slipped into yours. 

“See?” He said softly as he gently traced your hairline at your forehead, your eyes wide and pupils blown. “You even taste fuckin’ amazing, Baby. Not a damn thing about you I’d change. Except maybe that you could see yourself how I see you.” 

“Joel,” you whispered in that way you did when you were blissed out and couldn’t remember much outside of his name. He smiled a little and gently kissed your lips. 

“It OK if I keep makin’ you feel good, Baby?” He asked, pressing slow, deep kisses to your cheeks and jaw between the words. “You have no idea how bad I need to be inside you.” 

“Please,” you breathed. “I need you, I need you so bad…” 

He slowly reached between your bodies and traced your sex, making you gasp, and dipped two fingers just inside your entrance, gathering your slick and bringing it to his cock. He spread his precome and your wetness over himself, moaning a little at the feel of both of you together on his skin. 

“Here,” he said, pushing back from you so there was enough space between your bodies that you could look down and see where he was working his length. “Look, Baby.” You lifted your head just enough to obey and he looked down your body, too, as he brushed his thick head against your clit before he started to sink into you. “Look how good you take me with this gorgeous fucking body of yours. It’s like you were made for me, just to drive me wild…” 

“I was,” you whimpered, still looking down where he was entering you. “I was made for you, nothing feels as good as you, nothing…” 

“Love seeing how you take me,” he said as he stopped half inside you, thrusting shallowly in and out of you, the ridges inside your tight channel catching on his head. “Love seeing you like this, all bare and hot and wet for me.” 

He sank all the way into you then and you moaned at the feeling of him stretching you, your pussy holding him so close and tight. 

As he looked down at you, he couldn’t understand how anyone - even yourself - could look at you and see anything but perfection. Your body was paradise, wonderland, heaven incarnate. He longed to hold and kiss and memorize every inch, wanted to spend the rest of his life doing nothing but worship you and everything you’d given him. 

Joel thrust slow and deep and hard a few times that way, where he could see him disappearing into you, your fingers digging into his biceps as you moaned and panted below him. But he wanted to see your face and feel your skin even more than he wanted to drink in your body. He pressed himself deep and lowered himself onto you so he could feel your skin everywhere on his. Your eyes latched onto his, your gaze looking almost as desperate as he felt and he worked his cock impossibly deeper into you, making your back arch up into him. You rocked your hips against him as you pulled him closer, your pussy already getting tight over him. You were so beautiful like this, all needy and so full of pleasure it looked like you might burst with it. 

“Fuck, Baby, think you can give me another one?” He asked, breathless, as he set an aching rhythm inside of you. “Want to feel you come while I’m inside you, want to make you come.” 

You just nodded, a little frantic, your hips working back against his, your channel getting even tighter around him, making him moan. 

“Fuck, don’t think I’m gonna last,” he dropped his lips to your throat, kissing and sucking the soft skin there. “You feel too good, Baby, not gonna make it inside you…”

“Joel,” you whimpered. “Please…” 

“Together,” he said, lacing his fingers with yours and pinning your hand to the mattress over your head. “Want to come together, Baby, love you so much, want to come with you. You just tell me when you’re gonna come and then let go for me, just let go for me.” 

He adjusted his angle ever so slightly, his cock harder than he could remember it being anytime in the recent past, and he ground himself down inside of you, his hips pressed against your clit as he worked you from the inside. His head barely left the place deep within you that made your toes curl and your back arch, just giving enough room when he pulled back for each stroke to feel more intense than the last. Just when he felt like your channel couldn’t get any tighter, your fingers gripped his skin so hard he knew it would leave marks but he couldn’t bring himself to care. 

“I’m gonna come, Joel,” you sounded so desperate. “I’m gonna come, I’m gonna…” 

Your orgasm took hold and your pussy throbbed and pulled around him, pulling his own release from him in hard, thick ropes as he emptied himself into your dripping heat. 

“Fuck, Baby,” he pressed his mouth into your shoulder to muffle his moans as he held his cock so deep inside you it almost hurt with the intensity of it. “Fuck, you’re doing so good, Baby. Let it all go for me, just keep… keep milking my cock, just like that, doing so fucking good…” 

You moaned, clinging to him as you came undone, this orgasm stronger than Joel remembered feeling from you in months. Eventually, you went limp below him and he collapsed, half on top of you, half beside you. You trailed your fingers through his hair and down his back and he could feel the thick, heavy thrum of your pulse from inside of you. 

He wasn’t sure quite how long the two of you lay like that before he adjusted, bringing you with him so his softening cock was still held within you, making it so you were facing each other on your sides. 

“Missed seeing you like this so much,” he said softly, brushing your hair back from your face. 

“I missed it, too,” you whispered back, biting your lip for a moment. He frowned. 

“You OK Baby?” 

“Oh I’m great,” you smiled gently. “I guess I just… I feel a little silly for worrying about that now.” 

He tugged you closer to kiss your forehead, breathing in the lavender scent of you as he did. 

“We’re going to be together forever,” he said. “Forever’s a long time. There’s gonna be a lot that we see change but you better believe that I will always be crazy about you and this beautiful body of yours. Hell, every time you look at me I feel like the luckiest man alive because you’ll even breathe in my direction, never mind be with me. I’m always gonna want you, Baby. Can’t be helped.” 

You smiled a little. 

“Don’t think it’s silly for us to come all this way just to never leave the hotel room, do you?” You asked. “Because I’m not sure I want to go anywhere tomorrow.” 

He smiled back. 

“Sounds like the perfect day to me, Baby. Any day is a perfect day if I get to spend it with you.” 

A/N: Thank you for reading and for still being here for Joel and Doc months after their main story wrapped.

Love you!

[junowritings]

Hi! Can I rqs for a platonic Malleus x Fem!reader imagine please? During their NRC days,reader jokingly asked Malleus to be her maid of honour if she ever got married. Then,years later, on her wedding day, Malleus shows up,fully intending to keep his promise.

Thx!

I AM SO IN LOVE WITH THIS IDEA YOU HAVE NO IDEA. Listen this started off jokey but ended up kinda wholesome like he would be so touched??? and take it so seriously???

Also I'm thinking about the whole Fae living longer than humans but this didn't fit into the drabble so can I just say you can absolutely bet that decades/centuries after your wedding he is telling EVERYONE he meets about his fav child of man and that whole thing bc he'd think the world would be poorer off if he didn't tell everybody about his friend and the happiness they wanted him to play such an important part in.

BUT YEAH I hope you enjoy how this turned out!

=====

“If I ever get married, you’ll be my maid of honor, won’t you, Mal?”

Such a simple request, spoken so boldly from one he considered his true confidant. How could he have ever refused?

To you it was made in jest, on a quiet walk out on your dorm’s grounds as you had done for so many months now. It was easy to fill the silence with idle chatter on the nights where you found Daisomnia’s dorm leader meandering through Ramshackle’s old bones; a comforting routine that had fallen into place merely by being in the right place, at the right time. Often you would coax the odd memory from the fae of his life before Night Raven College; but Malleus was far more interested to learn of your affairs. Of friends, of family, of the many wonderful experiences crammed into such a short existence as your mortal life. 

You had become such an invaluable part of his life, it would be only natural to bask in your every word and commit it to memory, would it not? If only to ensure that not a single memory of his dear friend became lost to the flow of time that followed after you. 

So when you had turned to him, expression alight with a grin that made your eyes sparkle and the corners of your mouth crinkle with well-meant mischief, your question gave Malleus pause. 

To anyone else, your joke would have earned a playful nudge or a flat out refusal. But to Malleus, the man who you so earnestly called your friend even after everything that had transpired since your arrival? 

That small request is bound to his heart, with every intention to see it through simply because you asked. 

The days from that single night trickle into months, and then years. Faces change and friends part ways between that time, though the close bond is never lost.. A blink of an eye for your fae friend, but almost a lifetime for yourself. The moment is lost within the recesses of your fond memories, as you find a life of your own and find a love who makes your heart race and brightens the very world in their wake. Lost, but always lingering somewhere in the peripheral of your mind each time you’d looked down at your hand, now decorated with an engagement ring - a promise for the life to come.

Even as you stand now before your mirror, donned in fine fabrics of beautiful colors that makes your smile shine and your heart feel full you reminisce. It brings a chuckle to your lips, shaking your head at how easily you had joked back then about getting married, only to find yourself now doing what seemed like a distant ‘what if’ scenario just years ago. Your eyes close for a moment, your wedding attire bunched in your hands as the memory flickers briefly through your mind.

And then your eyes open, and suddenly that very memory is standing in the reflection of your mirror.

But it’s not just a reflection. You feel a hand on your shoulder and you know that it’s real as you spin around to face your old friend, face breaking out into that same telltale grin Malleus had seen such a short time ago.

“Malleus!”

The years have changed Malleus so very little, but you see it in his face. His smile is softer at the edges as he regards you with a warmness once shielded behind the result of decades of isolation. It’s a welcome sight, and you’re only pulled away when you spot the envelope in his free hand, your own writing scrawled on the cover. You recognize it immediately, and your heart swells with relief.

He’d received your invitation. He’d actually made it.

There is no hesitation as you throw your arms around the fae’s shoulders, no doubt making a mess of the pristine finery he’s wearing but too elated to care. You can’t resist a joke about how Sebek would have your hide for almost bringing the ruler of Briar Valley crashing down into the bridal suite mirror. The comment is met with a hearty chuckle from Malleus who returns your embrace eagerly, though unlike you he is careful to avoid creasing your clothes; he wouldn’t want it to impede on one of the happiest days of your life, after all.

There are so many things to catch up on. So much time to fill in on every little detail that couldn’t be expressed through letters and calls. But that will have to wait, especially as a knock at the door just moments later brings you back to the present, the wedding planner peeking their head in to ask if you and your maid of honor are ready for the ceremony. Now that gets your attention, and Malleus fails to hide the amusement that glints in his eyes watching your eyes widen, eyebrows raised in surprise as your gaze darts from the planner to your friend. 

He can see the gears turning in your head, piecing together that carefully hidden fragment that Malleus had kept close to his thoughts all of these years. And then he sees that smile again, now wobbly at the corners as your misty eyes blink back the emotions you feel welling up in your chest, and he feels pride in knowing just what his presence here on your wedding day now means to you.

Standing tall, Malleus moves to stand by your side and offers his arm. Today he is not the king of Briar valley. Today, he is your friend, confidant, and the best maid of honor you could have asked for on one of the happiest days of your life.

“Come now, I Believe I made a promise to you, child of man.” he speaks warmly as you hook your arm over his. “I hope you didn’t think I’d forget so soon.”

[ssokkasmoon]

Hiiii! Could you write something for an adult aang x reader? For example, when they got married or had children? (sorry if I wrote something wrong, English is not my first language)

HAVING FAMILY WITH AANG

Aang plans proposal carefully for months, wanting it to be perfect . But you can tell something big is up.

He takes you on a romantic picnic at your secret spot ,the first place you ever bonded. Candles and roses decorate the area.

When you least expect it, as the sun dips low, Aang grabs your hands gently ,holding out the ring with shaking hands.

A heartfelt, speech pours from his lips about how you saved him with your love and changed his life for the better.

Your tears welling up at this vulnerable, sweet side as you softly breathe out "yes".

~

He spotted your mother in the front row, misty-eyed already. Next to her ,sat your friends and team members.

The wedding march began playing and his heart skipped a beat. Slowly, down the aisle walked you on the arm of your father, taking everyone's breath away in your stunning white gown.

Your normally stoic face broke into a breathtaking grin just for Aang when your eyes locked. It was like the whole world drifted away except for the two of you.

You were passed off and the ceremony got underway. Rings were exchanged along with lingering gazes. Finally, "You may now kiss the bride!"

Aang dipped you low as cheers erupted, capturing your lips passionately. The rest of your lives together had begun in that moment.

~

You two live together in your cozy home.

He Wakes up every morning grateful to hold you in his arms, still pinching himself this is real. Makes love to you softly before starting the day.

Starting a family was a big step because of his responsibilities as an Avatar,he was scared of not being a good father ,but you decided to try after a year of getting married. You find out you are pregnant on one year anniversary.

He is attentive and caring through the pregnancy, cooking for your cravings and giving daily massages for aches.

Finally your daughter Lea arrives - the perfect mix of both your features and personalities.

Late nights soothing the baby are worth it to see you radiant as a new mom. Your little family is everything.

After few years you give birth to a boy naming him Sokka after his late bestfriend.

He manages being a good dad alongside his avatar responsibilities, he tries to spend more time with his kids.

After your kids discover their elements ,he helps them practice , helps lea control her airbending ability while you teach your son how to do tricks with fire.

he sometimes worries you by keeping himself in danger, but he promises that he will never do something that will hurt your family.

Date nights keep the spark alive as the kids grow. Your love has only deepened through the years.

Your family continues to grow bigger and you couldn't be happier with your Loving husband and children.

© 2024 ssokkasmoon

[aelove]

the prince and the frog

PAIRING : prince jungwon x princess reader SYNOPSIS : when you're suddenly turned into a frog, jungwon's the first person you come to for help. GENRE : bulletpoint scenario, fairy tale au, friends to lovers, inspired by the frog princess series and disney's princess and the frog, a tiny bit of angst, gets more fluffy towards the end WARNINGS : heavily unedited, frequent pov changes, please lmk if you feel that there's any other warnings i should add WC : 2.4K

prince yang jungwon is no stranger to pranks

24 HRS A DAY . 7 DAYS A WEEK . 365 DAYS A YR 

he had a lifetime of experience being the butt of such jokes ( o_o) 

so much experience that he could probably put it on his resume .. 

if only princes needed resumes 

his elder brother, crown prince jeongin’s favorite pastime was to tease him ● ﹏ ●

and his sister jiheon wasn’t much better either … she was always babying him 

jungwon loves his siblings but sometimes they seem to forget he’s now an adult

HE’S OLD ENOUGH TO BE MARRIED ??

and as a close friend to prince niki, it’s safe to say jungwon never got a break

usually the doing of niki, odd things had frequently found their way into jungwon’s private corners … 

all made out of ice but still very realistic in appearance

TOO REAL FOR JUNGWON’S LIKING … 

elephants, peacocks, tigers, you name it & jungwon had likely woken up to to it 

BUT THIS ??

this was a different situation altogether

jungwon is not at all surprised when he wakes up to a frog on his chest … 

he doesn’t even bat an eye at the extravagant gown the frog is wearing

but then it moves ??

none of niki’s ice sculptures had ever moved :00

maybe it was just the wind 

yeah that’s probably it

jungwon freaks out a little when he notices the windows are all closed shut (O.O ?)

but he completely loses it once the frog starts to talk . .

“hi wonie”

shocked is an understatement . he's completely flabberghasted

THE 

FROG 

JUST 

SPOKE 

AND JUNGWON COULD UNDERSTAND IT ??

someone must’ve slipped smtg into that cup of warm milk he drank before going to bed 

yeah that’s got to be it because there was no way he was in his right mind currently

jungwon doesn't know how to process his current situation …

he’s frozen in place (and for the first time it wasn't bc of niki’s magic)

jungwon’s never paid much attention to gossip 

but maybe the rumor abt his crazy great-great uncle was true … 

and maybe it runs in the family ?? 

or maybe all the pranks have finally gotten to his head & he’s lost it

(◎_◎ ;)

jungwon thinks he’s good person and a relatively good prince

sure, he’s skipped a few sword lessons from time to time 

and sometimes fell asleep during his history lessons

but he’s always paid attention to the important stuff and his instructors love him

so he’s not sure what he did to deserve this 

he’s sure that he must have lost his mind bc why …

WHY IS THERE A FROG ON HIS CHEST ??

WHY DID IT CALL HIM “WONIE” ?? 

AND WHY IS IT STARING AT HIM ??

nothing is adding up ( ・◇・)？

“ IT’S ME YN ! ! ! ” 

you hadn’t wanted to scare jungwon but you had been waiting for him to wake up for what seemed like forever (ㆆ _ ㆆ)

and you were growing more impatient with each passing minute

(ㆆ _ ㆆ) (ㆆ _ ㆆ) (ㆆ _ ㆆ)

unfortunately for you, jungwon looks even more confused now … 

the frog sounds just like you + claims to be you 

if he was being honest, its beady eyes did kind of resemble yours

BUT IT’S A FROG ???

jungwon sits up, leaning against the headboard as he gently picks you up 

he makes a cup with both his hands and holds you up to his face

YOU THINK YOUR HEART MIGHT BEAT OUT OF YOUR CHEST 

his eyes are completely focused on you :(( AND HE JUST LOOKS SO CUTE

☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

STOP YOU CAN’T BE FALLING IN LOVE WHEN YOU’RE A FROG 

meanwhile jungwon is having some epiphanies of his own 

it had been almost a month since jungwon had last seen you, but he’d known you his whole life and you’d never shown any sign of being amphibious  … 

so he’s not sure why now ( ´ ･_･`)

jungwon didn’t have any magical powers or quirks of his own

but the concept wasn’t anything out of the ordinary especially among royal bloodlines

even niki had his own ice powers which he had only ever used to prank jungwon

turning into a frog though? that was pretty lame 

it was almost worse than not having any powers at all

he can’t help but let out a snicker at the thought 

“y-you’re a f-frog?” (jungwon, making no attempt to stifle his laughter) 

“ STOP SMIRKING YOU IDIOT ” (ง'̀-'́)ง  

you might actually have a heart attack if he keeps looking at you like that

ughhh why is your best friend so pretty??

it’s not fair（πーπ)  

WAIT STOP YOU NEED TO FOCUS ! ! !

BE STRONG YN ! ! !

you couldn’t believe the audacity of yang jungwon . . .

 ( ｡ •̀ ᴖ •́ ｡)

YOU CAME TO HIM FOR HELP AND INSTEAD HE WAS MAKING FUN OF YOU 

“o-okay i promise i’ll stop now” yeah he better stop (≖_≖)

“but seriously though, how’d you turn into a frog?” 

just as promised, jungwon stops laughing and politely listens to everything you had to say

AND SO YOU TELL HIM ALL ABOUT HOW YOU HAD BEEN PLANNING TO SURPRISE NIKI FOR HIS BDAY BY SHOWING UP UNANNOUNCED

you had gone to your kingdom’s royal mage for help with the transportation spell ...

but he wasn’t available (T⌓T)

so you went with the next best thing — his apprentice, your elder cousin felix 

who was clearly lacking training ಠ_ಠ & also no longer your favorite cousin ﴾ò_ó﴿

felix aka the primary reason you were now a frog had somehow messed up your transportation spell . . leaving you in this miserable state

technically the transportation spell was a success . . .

BUT YOU WERE ALSO NOW A FROG 

and could no longer surprise niki for his bday in the way you had intended 🙁

jungwon patiently listens to your rant, giving you his complete attention the entire time

“don’t worry yn” 

“i’ll take you to our local mage, maybe he can help”

comfortably nestled into jungwon’s pocket, the two of you quickly make your way to the royal mage’s quarters which was conveniently located in the same tower, just a few fleets of stairs below jungwon’s own quarters

*knock* *knock*

“prince jungwon! how are you?” 

a very, very handsome face opens the door, greeting you both with a warm smile

jungwon introduces you to the mage, hyunjin and quickly summarizes your current dilemma for him

while jungwon speaks for you, you’re attempting to suppress the urge to ask the pretty mage if he’s single (´♡ᴗ♡`)

once he hears the entire story behind your predicament, hyunjin quickly goes to gather the necessary ingredients for a counter-spell, leaving you and jungwon alone together

“yn stop” 

“won i'm not even doing anything” it’s rather hard to, when you’re still stuffed in his pocket

“stop ogling hyunjin.” jungwon whispers in your direction with a deadpan look on his face

he can’t help but feel annoyed with the mage at your behavior

hyunjin isn't even that good looking (¬_¬") 

“yn i can literally see you drooling”

jungwon swears he’s much prettier in comparison 

and he’s never given it much thought but he can’t see himself with anyone other than you …

so there’s no way that he’d let a stupid mage steal you from him (・`ω´・ ●)

you’re not sure how jungwon notices you staring, but who can blame you . . .

the mage is very pretty <33

and his arms looked really nice as he mixes all the ingredients together 🤭🤭

soon enough, hyunjin returns with a tiny vial filled with a bubbly, purple liquid

the mage leans towards jungwon’s pocket, meeting your eyes 

“hopefully this will help”

HYUNJIN’S SMILE IS SO BRIGHT

that you think you might just faint at the sight . . . 

while you remain dazed at hyunjin’s etheral visuals, jungwon takes the vial from the mage and opens it for you

he angles the vial towards your mouth and you quickly down it all, happily waiting for your transformation (๑˃̵ ᴗ˂̵)

some time passes and you continue to wait, just more nervously than before ( ′ ～‵ )

BUT THERE’S NO MAGICAL *POOF* ??

and you’re still a frog . . . 

just a more disappointed frog than you were a few minutes ago

（；＿；）（；＿；）（；＿；）

while you and jungwon are at a complete loss for words, hyunjin quickly has a realization ( ‘◇’)

“YN. MAY I?” the excitement is clear from his voice 

despite having no clue what the mage is referring to, you eagerly nod in agreement

hyunjin reaches out, picking you up from jungwon’s pocket

he brings you close to his face 

（〃・ω・〃）

and then sniffs you? :000

“ ahh of course, it must be love! ” 

at this, jungwon’s jaw drops and yours quickly follows

HUH …

LOVE (?_?)

DID YOU HEAR THAT RIGHT?

Σ('◉⌓◉’)

WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT?

was that a pickup line? maybe it was like his generation’s version of upsexy?

“hyunjin, what do you mean?” jungwon’s voice interrupts your daydreaming

“i think the mage who cursed yn must have accidentally added some sort of element of protection to the spell –” 

“wait, felix did give me an extra safety potion bc i was a little nervous about doing the transportation spell by myself” 

as much as you wanted to hate him for the whole FROG situation you were in, your cousin truly was a complete sweetheart 

“while he accidentally messed up the transportation spell, the protection potion he gave you clearly works very well. it prevented any magical influence from interfering with you.”

hyunjin takes a deep breath before continuing his explanation

“because he used the blessing of venus in your potion — i’m afraid that the only way to undo it is with true love’s kiss” 

WAIT WHAT

it’s safe to say that both you and jungwon are once again at a loss for words …

noticing the two royals freeze up, hyunjin takes it up on himself to break the silence

“yn do you happen to like anyone?”

jungwon’s eyes harden, flashing towards you, intently awaiting your response

“y-yes …” if you weren’t still a frog, you’d have been sweating buckets (•᷄- •᷅ ;)

jungwon feels his heart sink at your admittal :(( 

“but i don’t think he likes me back . . . ” and then it comes right back up 

maybe he still has a chance at your heart 

hyunjin visibly deflates at your revelation, but tries to keep his composure steady

as the eldest of the group, he can’t help but feel a strong responsibility towards the two of you

“could you please tell us who?”

WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO NOW (T__T) 

staying a frog forever didn’t sound half bad in comparison to potentially losing your best friend

“yn please. we’re not going to judge you” jungwon’s surprises himself with the words coming out of his mouth

that was a complete lie, he didn't mean that at all

NO ONE CAN STOP HIM FROM JUDGING WHOEVER YOU LIKED

so what? maybe he is a little sulky about you liking someone …

jungwon didn’t know who they were 

but no one would be able to treat you better than him

no one deserved you more than he did (ಠ╭╮ಠ)

“it’s you”

“it’s always been you”

at first jungwon’s disheartened, assuming that you had been talking to hyunjin, but then he realizes the mage is looking straight at him

HUH IT WAS HIM ALL ALONG ??

YOU LIKED JUNGWON ??

mentally, jungwon was going crazy in excitement but mostly relief

physically though, he remain fedrozen in place, eyes widened in shock at your confession

immediately fearing the worst from his response, or rather lack of, you can’t help but start to tear up

you just feel so bad (˃̣̣̥╭╮˂̣̣̥) 

not even a second passes before you're full-on sobbing

except you’re a frog so it just sounds like “HUEHUE *RIBBIT* IM SO *RIBBIT* SORRY” 

hyunjin is absolutely horrified & completely lost on how to handle the current situation 

HE‘S JUST A MAGE ㅠㅠ

HE DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO COMFORT ROYAL CHILDREN 

luckily jungwon is quick to snap out of it once he hears you cry

“wait yn don’t cry ! ! !”

“YN I LIKE YOU TOO”

huh（；＿；）

jungwon likes you too?

“really? you do?” (⚈ ⌢ ⚈)

jungwon’s heart aches as you continue pouting

“you know i wouldn’t lie about that” 

“you promise?” 

jungwon’s so obviously down bad for you that he’s not sure how you didn’t already know 

even niki knew . . . 

“i promise. i love you.” 

a tiny smirk adorns his face as he carefully picks you up

“is it okay if i kiss you now?” 

“more than okay” (yn, eyes wide & furiously nodding your head)

jungwon smiles even bigger, letting out a small laugh at your eagerness 

all while holding eye contact with you, he places you on the table and moves closer, bending down to meet your level

and then he gives you a small peck on the head 

*POOF*

OMG IT HAPPENED

YOU’RE NOT A FROG ANYMORE ( ◠‿◠ )

the first thing you do is squash jungwon in a huge bear hug 

“thank you wonie” 

“of course, you know i’d do anything for you” he’s so sweet :(

once you finish squishing jungwon, you face the mage to say your thanks to him too

“hyunjin, i‘ll forever be in your debt” you’re not sure what you would’ve done without him :(

both jungwon and you decide to head back to his room, giving hyunjin a chance to relax after such a stressful day 

you’re both walking side by side, shoulders brushing against one anothers

and you’re just so happy and grateful for everything (๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)

until you remember what had just transpired . . .

( ＾∇＾) → ( ・∇・) → (°▽°)

JUNGWON KISSED YOU ??

AND YOU'RE HUMAN ??

SO HE LOVES YOU ??

“wait jungwon ! !” you halt in your tracks, grabbing him by his coat sleeve

“a-are we a thing now?” you’re so nervous what if he says no

“huh, what do you mean?” jungwon smirks, clearly enjoying the sight of you in such a flustered state because of him

“are we boyfriend-girlfriend now?” you’re even more nervous now and jungwon thinks you’re absolutely adorable 

“would another kiss answer your question?” (jungwon, grinning widely as he’s finally realized the effect he has on you) 

he feels incredibly smug knowing that you’re so down bad for him

( ¬‿¬ )

your crush on him was truly doing wonders for his ego

“but, that wasn’t a real kiss” (yn, slightly frowning)

forehead kisses don’t count

especially considering you had been a frog at the time

jungwon scans the surrounding hallway for any peeping eyes before responding, gently grabbing you by the waist to pull you closer to him

“should i kiss you, for real, this time then?” he whispers into your ear, so close that you can hear the smirk in his voice

he’s actually going to be the death of you …

“please” (yn, awkwardly avoiding eye contact)

jungwon tilts your chin up to face him, his other arm still wrapped around your waist

you both lock eyes and he doesn’t waste another second before kissing you

it’s sweet and awkward and a perfect first kiss

you both pull away from each other with huge smiles

in that moment, everything is absolutely perfect ♡

and together, the prince & his frog live happily ever after !!

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING !! and a million thanks to my lovely moots @gfksn @seungiepup & @tnyhees for helping me with proofreading ILYSM 💗 formatting & layout inspired by @/chenle and @/soobnny ♡

networks : @kflixnet @k-labels

permanent taglist : @ilynaevis @yeongwonie @gfksn @luvhyun3 @esc6pism

[mayabishopgold]

If you haven’t gotten/done it and are interested in doing it, I’d love to know your top 5 favorite Marina moments and why 😊

Thank you for the ask!!! I had not gotten it! This one is a bit more difficult because it keeps changing tbh. But also, I am an angst freak so I'm sure there are moments that are VERY different from other people's lists.

5x17: "Your left eye is bluer than the right one" This is probably everyone's favorite comfort scene. I remember being obsessed with it, especially the music, for months after it aired. The chemistry, tenderness, intimacy between Maya and Carina here are unmatched. Honestly, it's the only scene I remember from that episode. It gives us a peek into their home life—Maya usually comes home and wakes Carina up like that, and Carina sleeps on Maya's side of the bed when she's not there.It's in scenes like this, where they feel so real as a couple. Marina at its finest.

4x14: "Maybe we hardly know each other. Maybe we should just take a break." I love how they fight. My top 5 could easily just be them fighting. This one has so many beats: Maya proposes they get married to solve the visa issue, Carina refuses, saying it's just bureaucracy. For Maya, it's not just paperwork – she thinks they're incredibly lucky to have found each other. Carina feels they're already married and doesn't need a piece of paper to prove it. They go back and forth, throw a few more things in each other's faces, and Maya royally screws up by mentioning Gabriella. leading to the infamous, "Do you still want me to take you to the airport?". Pure gold.

4x07: "I did all the things/Thank you, no one's ever done that for me" Meaning no one has ever taken care of me, no one has ever loved me like this. That whole episode is incredible and I know there are other flashier scenes, but this little moment? It spoke volumes about how deep Maya's love runs. And Carina got it—she knew exactly what it meant. That storyline made it clear they were destined to be endgame.

3x08: "I am the truck." This is the first time Carina gets a glimpse of what’s behind the walls Maya has built around her heart. I love how her whole demeanor changes instantly when she sees Maya breaking down and goes straight into comfort mode. A lot of people, myself included, headcanon this as the moment Carina starts falling in love with Maya. And we are right.

6x09: "I know I made mistakes and I know I scared you. I'm sorry. I love you." Carina, who had moved out 2 episodes prior, comes back to their apartment using a pretty lame excuse (shampoo?), clearly just wanting to check on Maya. She’s worried and needs to see how her wife is holding up. The tension is palpable, and the music? Perfection. The scene is a mix of angst and hope, showing the very delicate process of healing and reconnecting they are immersed in. My favorite S6 Marina scene.

[growinguparo]

Hii! this is my first post here and i'm not sure about what to say, but i hope someone can help me. I'm really new to all of this, this world of aromanticism, it's like i found something that was missing. i just came to realize being aroace this year, so i'ts just a few months of knowing that i'm aromantic, but i'ts years of being aromantic and honestly, i couldn't say i'm not confused, but i really want some advice on how to.. accept myself. because, honestly, i reaally love romance movies and books, and i grew up thinking some day it would be me, but what if it isn't, what if it's not going to be me, like ever. how do i lead with that? how do accept the possibility to not fall in love like everybody else does, and meet someone to stay together for all life an get married. i know i don't want to get married, but this idea is internalized in my head, how to be happy without romance? without a partner to take care of me, to support me, to help me. maybe one day i'll wake up and realize that i've fallen in love and that i'm not going to be single forever and that i can be just like people expect me to be. but what if i don't? what if that day won't come and i'll be "Loveless". i really loved that book Loveless and i't just felt like maybe it wasn't that bad to be like this, i also watched Koisenu Futari and honestly, i never felt so part of something, like i've found the REAL happiness for me, not that one that people always talk about, saying that is the only happiness, to date, get married and have kids. i know most people feel fulfilled with this, but what if i don't? i'm not everybody else, i don't need to live based on people's expectations. if anyone reading this, feel something similar, please(if you like) share your experiences :) thank you for your attention

tbh my first impression here is that you've already figured out what i think is the most important part: the fact that what will (most likely) make you happy is different than what seems to make everyone else happy. and you being happy is the goal. you've figured out that you don't want that traditional romantic relationship, and that that's okay. that's awesome!

i also love that you were able to see yourself positively within Loveless and Koisenu Futari in a way that felt authentic to you. representation helps us imagine what our life could be like. if you can't see yourself in a traditional marriage, what can you see yourself doing? you could live a life like in Koisenu Futari. allow yourself to imagine a life you would be happy and authentic in. try to be free with it, not shooting down ideas because they're "unrealistic". (btw - this might be hard. there are nearly infinite varieties of romantic relationships that are spoonfed to us from birth. coming up with your own ideas is harder than being spoonfed, so don't get discouraged.)

if you haven't already i'd suggest reading about relationship anarchy. it's basically the idea that no one type of relationship is superior to another, and within your relationships you can do whatever you want forever, tailoring them to your needs and wants.

besides that, i think acceptance takes time. you're altering your view of yourself and your future and your place in the world. you've had your whole life to get used to one reality, one self-image, and now you're changing that. it takes time to get used to.

there are also some very real material concerns that come along with being aro. to name a few: navigating the world as a single person is harder legally and financially. western society is built on individualism and we are trained to only seek emotional support from a life partner, even though that is a blatantly unstable way of living even for allos. that can result in single people struggling to find continued support throughout their lives.

accepting being aro doesn't mean the hard parts go away, and ignoring them will not help. it's like accepting being gay - there are real material concerns that come along with being gay, but you can still love being yourself and love being gay. and you can fight to make the world a better place for people like you, if you want to.

followers, any advice?

[carsonian]

Steve/Tony fic recs | theme: "SOFT"

I've read a decent number of SteveTony fics and I wanted to give an indecent amount of love back to the writers who put out such gawrjus pieces. The theme for this list is "SOFT" in capital letters because it's not your average erectile-dysfunction soft but some real silk-scarf soft shit. You know, the classics: the diabetic stuff, the ooey-gooey stuff, the puddle of feelings stuff...

Now I don't want NOBODY saying, girl, I've read that, are you being for real? Because guess what? I am always being for real and these fics are real, and you can always re-read them. So spread the love. Respect!

"There's an App for That" by Annie D (scaramouche) (@no-gorms) - I know you're looking at me and saying, aight look Carsonian, whatchu takin me for? You think I'm some greenhorn mark to put down a flag for SteveTony witout cracking Annie D's stash three times whole? Well, to that I raise: my glass. Cuz samesies. But truuuuust me, this fic is worth the re-read. It is a stroke of genuine AU brilliance that doesn't get the hype it deserves (a billion kudos of hype pls!). Super solid set-up, refreshingly quick lines, the kind of easygoing falling together that is just jazzy to relish. This fic is like a date with an almond huddled inside. Sweet and mushy but with a surprisingly solid bite at its core. Summary goes:

Thanks to the modern gig economy, Steve is the successful owner of a break-up service, i.e. people pay him to break up with their partners for them. One day, he gets the first break-up request for Tony Stark.

😏 Uh-huh. Oh okay. Meet-awkwuuurd time. J.A.R.V.I.S., cue up "Start of Something New" by HSM. 😏

"The First Time I Went Dancing Sober" by schemingreader - This fic is like good wine; it ages like a beauty. This month will make it ten (10!!!) years since it was published but by God does it hold up. It holds me up. Like a firm but comfortable back brace. Summary goes:

Steve Rogers is a great physical therapist who works with sick kids. Tony Stark is a damaged biotech engineering genius who really wants to be one of the good guys.

You.... you know the vibes, don't you? You--uh, you catch the flow? Yeah, you do. C'mon, read this fic and give me a hug, brother. I'll clasp you close and whisper homoerotic sweet-nothings into your ear while we hug, partner. It'll be silly romantic, bro.

"we pick ourselves undone" by laramara (@commandersteverogers) - Another old-but-gold fic. Hang on, read the summary first:

It might appear that award-winning surgeon Tony Stark, the head of neurosurgery at Shield Hospital, well and truly has his life together. Now if he could only figure out how to tell people that his father, world class neurosurgeon Howard Stark, is locked away in a nursing home with Alzheimer’s, devise a way to get Chief Fury off his back for good, and work out what the hell he’s going to do about the weird on-again-off-again thing he has going with the head of cardio, he’d finally have everything sorted.

Now that's what I'm motherfucking talking about. This fic is also ten years old et voilà: a certified historical moment. When I first read this, I thought about quitting fic writing; it's that good. And then I re-read it and life was okay again. Tee El Dee Arr: I want to give this fic a smooch on the mouth and a sincere insurance plan.

"for better or for worse" by earliebirb (@earliebirb) - This is the fic you re-read when you want to remember why you're into Steve/Tony. It's iddy, it's tender, it's achey but beyond all a that, it's SOFT. Soft like whipped cream. Soft like a vanilla ice cream milkshake. Soft like Tony's tush and Steve's tits. R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Summary goes:

Sitting quietly like this, Tony can almost pretend that nothing has happened, that this is just another normal day of Steve waking up in bed next to him. Married and in love with no threat of divorce looming on the horizon. Of course, that is before he catches sight of Steve’s bereft ring finger. He wonders how long it has been since Steve’s ring finger is empty. He wonders if he should start taking off his own, too. He wonders if Steve wants him to take it off.

I know, I know, you're going: Carsonian, wyot the hell, this sounds like angsty stuff. Shhh. Shhhhh. Shhh. I'll get my hand off your mouth just as soon as you start listening. Sport, this is the ooey-gooey stuff. All of the angst is the hot chocolate fudge. It's what makes the milkshake so bloody damn good. Now get da fuck outta here and read this fic!!! Or re-read this fic!!! It's worth it! (Just like Steve & Tony's relationship in the fic, shhh no spoilers.)

Warmest and Brightest by ishipallthings (@ishipallthings) - Naww shuddup I don't want to hear any accusations of favouritism. Yeah I think Jen is aces, but I'm not speaking from a place of bias when I say her fics are aces too. It has been scientifically proven. By Tony. And me. Here's the source. Also, I read this WAYYYY back when, and put it down in my list as "sitcom/hallmark set up with stevetony charm". So if you're into that, you know what to do. And if you're not into that, get da fuck outta here!!! You can not NOT be into that. Okay but if you're seriously not into that, no judgement. Okay, a little judgement. With 100% love. Summary goes:

It’s Christmas Eve, and Tony’s supposed to be getting decorations ready for his and Rhodey’s Christmas bash in their new apartment. Instead, he’s stuck in an elevator with the hot guy from 12A Steve, who doesn’t seem to be in much of a festive mood. It turns out to be a bit of a holiday miracle.

Y'know what else is a miracle? How I got through this fic without kicking my feet up like a gleeful teen in a 2000s romcom. Y'know what else? I totally didn't get through this fic without doing that. Maybe the miracle is in the friends we made along the way 🧑‍🤝‍🧑(that's me n u, babey, holding hands as we watch Steve and Tony debate superior rom-coms into a relationship).

"One Last Christmas" by Captain_Panda - Speakin' of Xmas miracles, here's another fic that is super soft and set during the Christmas holiday period. And YEAH I'll admit it FINE FINE. I'm deffo playing favourites here....but as we all know, I am a Captain_Panda fan first 😤❗, a SteveTony fic enthusiast second. Respect!!! Summary goes:

You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch. The year is 2012. Cuddly-as-a-cactus Tony Stark is throwing a Christmas party for his fellow Avengers. It's all going really well--except for Tony, who is quietly succumbing to his own demons.

You see how the summary says "cuddly-as-a-cactus"? Well, it don't matter because the fic will cuddle you anyway. Tony gets cuddles, we get cuddles, the world gets a cuddle. It's all cuddles in here and you best believe I'm weeping at the slumber party. In this fic, the world is soft and rough-edged and love is worth losing for. It's beautiful. Gawly I'm weeping again. Last time I read this fic, I wrote this in my comment and it still holds true.

And that's all she w"rec"ked!

Go forth: SteveTony lovers, fuckers, ambassadors, champions, perverts, freaks, losers, dreamers, legends! Read, re-read, kudo, comment, spread legs and spread love.

[chubbydino]

In honor of the completion of HLS, the most hopeful and heart wrenching piarles and maxiel narratives ever, what inspired you bring phantoms and la madrague together and continue their stories?

How long did you imagine the events of HSL before you began writing it?

originally i was going to publish a different maxiel fic but the story just wasn't working and it wasn't sad enough imo. i started daydreaming about PAPM but i didn't want to be entirely in pierre's POV again and i felt like going into charles's would be cheating, since a lot of what i love about PAPM is that we're never in charles's head.

the original arc of HLS had a much darker ending, and the fic was going to be very piarles focused. more under the cut (+ spoilers)

i don't remember exactly what spurred me to bring the two stories together, but once i started thinking about it, it really worked. of course, PAPM has a chapter where max is married to a woman with a daughter, but that was the only retcon i really needed, and it wasn't the important part of that story. i didn't want to develop a whole new maxiel, and then the parallels between max and pierre started showing and i dove in.

originally, pierre was going to regain his memories like he did, but then the side effects would get so bad (essentially his brain never turned completely off so even while sleeping he would be burning his brain and exhausting himself) that eventually he would have to choose between being bedridden but with memories, or choose to forget himself every few months and start over each time. it was going to end with pierre waking up after making that decision, once again not knowing who charles was.

but every time i thought about max and what he was going through, it hurt so much more. pierre's memory loss isn't painful for him, just confusing and frustrating. max was just surrounded by pain and grief and his worldview is so fucked up, and his family is so fucked up, there was just so much to explore. so, i gravitated toward that story. max took center stage and i decided not to add more angst with pierre's original arc--it just didn't work the way i planned, and max's role took on a new life.

i said it in the discord, but max was also supposed to go through with the suicide attempt on the houseboat. i planned for him to wrap the anchor chain around his neck, slip on the deck, then get up and jump in and go to "heaven"... only for us to figure out that when he slipped on the deck, he hit his head and went into a coma and never actually jumped in the water. but one night while i was playing the story out (i "watch" the next chapter before i go to sleep lolol) i thought about mack truck and the accident took shape. that fit a lot better with the story, especially for daniel, who would never have forgiven himself if he found out max actually tried to kill himself (daniel still doesn't know max was planning to, the same way max doesn't know his family went after his money).

the museum scene with daniel was heavily inspired by What Is And What Should Never Be aka S2 Ep30 of Supernatural aka the Djinn episode, when Dean realizes his perfect world is fake and he's actually dying in real life. That episode hit me so hard and every time i watch it, it still hits. I wanted the same type of scene with Daniel finally appearing in Max's world and making him realize what was really going on.

the supernatural elements of HLS aren't particularly supernatural to me. many people i know have seen or experienced something they can't explain. there are plenty of weird happenings in my own extended family that aren't scary, just strange and maybe unsettling. kids also see the world differently and i feel like theo seeing marshmallow or the kids seeing squalo goes along with that. maybe max only sees it because of his grief, or maybe that's the part of the boys that's always with him.

overall, i wanted to end HLS with the understanding that there is no way to completely heal from what max went through. he'll always, always grieve for his babies, but he doesn't have to hold space for that grief anymore. it will always be there, but he's living life despite that. he's carefully choosing daniel, over and over, and now he knows it's okay to do that. his love for daniel doesn't have to detract from his love for his boys. i don't think he ever would have learned that without the supernatural element at play.

camp bluefin is the purest form of max's love for his daniel, not only because he's allowing children back into their lives, but because he's allowing himself to enjoy having a "family" again. <3

[satoaiandsonaze]

Xenoblade Chronicles 2 Headcanons: Life in Fonsett

I mentioned last time that Rex and his gang spent 5 whole years living in Fonsett. Well, here's some major moments that happened in those 5 years.

Pyra and Crossette, and later Akhos, all love working together to make meals for all of Fonsett Village. Crossette loves it the most, since she adores Pyra as a person and treats her like a hero!

Mórag and Zeke love training with each other every morning. They go at each other with so much force, they sometimes end up waking the whole village.

The Cloud Sea may be gone now, but that doesn't mean that there's no more treasure at the bottom of the sea. So, every morning, just to wake himself up, Rex does a little bit of salvaging with the one Blade who likes salvaging almost as much as he does, Praxis. And 75% of the time, thanks to a little charm that Praxis brings, they bring up some good treasure.

While Tora does some mechanical work with parts that Rex and Praxis bring from their salvage runs, Poppi always takes her time playing with the children or helping out with heavy labor around thw village.

Perun loves playing with the children as well. She will always find ways to entertain them.

The whole gang decides to build a school in Fonsett, to make up for the school that was lost when Indol sunk beneath the Cloud Sea. Here, I'll mention all the classes that Blades lead to help the children of Fonsett for when they're older:

Godfrey and Perceval help teach the kids about self-defense for when they soon grow old enough to travel the length of Alrest. A lot of the kids on Fonsett want to be like Rex and be amazing at salvaging, so Praxis volunteers to teach a class about salvaging, to teach the children about the basics and history of salvaging, while Theory teaches a class with Kasandra about Nopons, using the Nopon Wisdom that they have in the game. Being the four-armed, multi-weapon Blade he is, Perdido teaches a battle class for kids who are close to the same age as Rex or who have already bonded with a Blade. Akhos leads a theater class for kids who have a knack for acting. Vale teaches a weaving class. Pyra and Crossette both lead a Culinary class for kids who are into food or cooking. Last but not least, Nim teaches a language class about speaking in the Phonex language for kids who are interested in speaking to the animals of Alrest.

Wulfric helps out the elderly a lot, acting as their personal bodyguard. He's also good at dealing with the local bullies, by simply scaring them with either his presence or one of his insanely mighty roars!

A few Indoline survivors make their way to Fonsett. Everyone in the village starts off by giving them the cold shoulder, knowing the stories Rex told them about Indol. Eventually, they warm up to the survivors.

When Rex turns 16, he makes a real confession to Nia, returning his friendzone comment that he said in the base game, and making Nia his THIRD girlfriend!

Once Rex is 18 years old, he marries Pyra and Mythra. One month after that, he then marries Nia. And outside of my au, this really does happen; Rex marrying Pyra, Mythra, and Nia is canon in the games of Xenoblade Chronicles!

But in my au, Rex and Praxis surprisingly still had feelings for each other, and despite knowing that he was already married, Praxis still confessed her feelings to Rex. But still, Rex was willing to let her marry him, just in secret. With a little approval from Theory, and some help from Vale and Wulfric, Rex secretly marries Praxis, making them secret lovers. Still, no matter what, Rex and Praxis will always be Slavage Buddies!

Speaking of Theory, Praxis wanted to deepen her relationship with Theory. And don't tell me what went through her head, but apparently, Praxis thought marrying her own sister was a good idea to grow closer to Theory. With a little convincing from Mórag, Zeke, and Rex, and a whole lot from the entire village to prepare a perfect wedding, Praxis does end up marrying Theory.

From Rex and Praxis getting secretly married to Praxis and Theory getting publicy married, that all happened while Rex was only 19. It was little over a month after Rex turning 19 when he married Praxis.

Well, that's all for now. Next up, more adventures, even after the real Elysium coming to reality.

[coraniaid]

98 + Fuffy

This one ended up being a bit longer than I was aiming for, sorry. A few years post-canon (but mostly canon compliant, except that I ignore the comics and that perhaps some people who die in Chosen or the final season of Angel are still alive here). Buffy POV.

Years later, she still has nightmares.

Bad ones: the kind that ... well, she's sat through enough college psychology classes in her life to recognize one of the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder.  And she was an active Slayer for almost eight years, after all.  She fought ancient demons and gods and monsters; she risked her life pretty much every night.  She saw friends die. Died twice herself.  No wonder she’s still a little messed up.  

But knowing why they’re happening doesn't ever seem to help.  She still wakes up in the middle of the night, and for a minute -- or five minutes, or an hour -- she's just a scared little kid again, too afraid of the things that go bump in the dark to lie down and go back to sleep.  Terrified by the weight of everything the world wants her to do.  By the thought of having to be the Chosen One again.  

Dawn's always telling her she should talk to somebody about them.  An expert, she means.  A specialist. 

But -- even if it wasn't ever real -- her false memory of that time in a clinic when she was younger is too strong.  She doesn't want to go back there.  Not ever.  Or to go anywhere even a little bit like it. She doesn't want to be a freak in somebody's lab -- poked and prodded and tested and restrained.  She just wants to be herself.  She just wants to be Buffy.

So she still has nightmares.  Sometimes she dies: drowning alone in the dark, unable to move or cry for help; tumbling from a tower in the sky; not strong enough to drag herself out of the grave before the dead soil fills her lungs and she suffocates below the ground.  And sometimes she doesn't die.  Sometimes the dreams are much worse than that.

The thing is, they never seem to happen when she expects.  Never when it feels like they should.  Significant milestones come and go without even a bad dream -- she’d slept right through the anniversary of that last, desperate fight under Sunnydale, not even waking up once -- and then other times, without warning, she'll spend a whole week unable to sleep at all, or waking up shaking and sweating every time she tries.

It all started after she decided to step back from the Slayer Organization she'd helped set up.  Half a year in charge of that was enough, she'd told herself.  Living out in some remote castle in Scotland, cut off from the normal world ... that wasn't who she wanted to be anymore. That wasn’t what she’d been hoping for when she said goodbye to Sunnydale.  She wasn't the one and only Chosen One any more, after all.  Maybe it was time to stop pretending.  Maybe it was time to grow up.

So they'd held a vote on who would replace her, made it all official. And then, when it was over – and after she'd congratulated Kennedy as sincerely as she could manage -- she'd packed her things up and moved back to California.  Northern California though, this time.  San Francisco.  SoCal still had a few too many unpleasant memories (the bits of it that weren’t literally underground these days).  

Once she’d arrived, she'd settled into that normal life she'd always told herself she wanted.  Went back to college.  Signed up to be an English major. Bought a house, with some of the old Watcher’s Council money that GIles had passed on to her.  She'd even gotten married, a couple of months ago, just a little while after graduating, however unreal that still feels.  Willow's been telling her she should look into grad school, but she’s not sure whether she wants to follow in her younger sister’s footsteps quite so soon.

So, yeah, everything's been going really well.

Except that, after a few months, the nightmares had started. 

That's why at 3 AM she finds herself downstairs in the kitchen, pretending to read a book, wondering if it would be a bad idea to go out for a run.  This is a pretty safe neighborhood, but still, she might get lucky.  Something supernatural out there might be too stupid to stay away. 

If she’d thought it would help, she’d be out there already.  But would it?  She doesn't really know. She doesn't know what to do.

And while she’s deliberating, a creaking floorboard reminds her that she's not alone.

"Hey, B," a familiar voice says sleepily.  "What's up?"

Buffy had never asked Faith to come with her when she left Scotland.  Actually, she'd kind of assumed she was leaving the Slayer Organization in Faith’s more than capable hands: the girls all still loved her, after all, all idolized her in a way they'd never quite seemed to treat Buffy herself.  (The same way she remembers Dawn treating her, the first few months after Faith arrived in Sunnydale, even if intellectually she knows that that’s not what really happened.)  She'd assumed it would be Faith, not Kennedy, who would be replacing her as leader.  Right up until the point she told Faith about her plan to go back to the States, and the other Slayer had just nodded and asked her when they were leaving and whether she’d already booked a flight.  Like it wasn't even a question whether she'd be coming with her.

She'd stuck with Buffy for four years since.  Not always sharing the same house, but always close by.  She’d listened to her complain about her course load, or bad professors, or unfairly difficult exams, or let her rave and enthuse about analysis of poems or novels which she isn't sure Faith has ever read.  It’s been good – really good, better than Buffy had expected – to have a familiar face around.  To not be doing this all by herself.  It’s been good for her to have Faith.

(The two of them are still going patrolling together most nights too, however retired they might be officially.  She thinks that that's an itch that never really goes away for anyone.  Though there weren’t many active vamps in the Bay Area even when she’d first arrived, and these days there are barely any.)

Faith’s stuck by Buffy for almost as long as anyone.  And now she's here with Buffy in the middle of the night, wearing a pair of Buffy's old pajamas and a concerned look on her face, and Buffy can't even bring herself to face her.

"Glory again?" Faith guesses.

Buffy shakes her head, wordlessly.  Keeps her eyes glued to the book she isn’t reading.

It's true that those are some of the worst of the recurring nightmares.  Everything about that year is painful, and worse in the dreams.  Dropping out of college, or being found out as a total academic fraud, as somebody who shouldn't even have been let into college in the first place.  Losing her Mom, again and again, for different reasons every time.   Not being able to save Dawn, or not being able to want to save Dawn.  Watching her fall, or forgetting her entirely: stumbling across her broken body lying on the ground and only seeing a stranger.  Thinking that she'd always been an only child and always would be.  Sometimes, in those dreams, it's almost comforting when the world drifts inexorably into hell.  

But those aren't the dreams she's been having lately.  That's not what's keeping her from sleeping.  It’s Faith.  That’s who she’s been dreaming about.  That’s why she can’t sleep.

"I killed you," she mumbles, putting the book down but still not quite able to make eye contact.

It all feels so real, even now. Even with Faith – the real Faith, not a dream – sitting only a couple of feet away from her, patiently waiting for her to explain.

"We were fighting, just like we ... before," she goes on. "Just before graduation.  I didn't want to, but I couldn't stop.  And when I ... at the end, you didn't fall.  I stabbed you, and you bled to death in my arms.  I killed you."

The other woman shakes her head.

"Don't know if you've noticed, but I'm tougher than I look," Faith says.  "Haven't even died once, unlike some Slayers I could mention.  And lucky for me, all the cool chicks dig scars."

She pulls her pajama top up slightly to demonstrate.  There’s still a pale scar there, yes, even after all this time.  Proof of what Buffy had done: not just in a dream, but in real life.  Something she’ll never be able to undo.  She reaches out, just for a second, as if she was going to touch it.  To trace the faint mark she’d left across her fellow Slayer’s skin.

"Did ... does it hurt?"

It's not the first time she's asked the question.  Guesses that it won't be the last.

"Sometimes," Faith admits.  "A little."

She used to pretend that it didn't, Buffy remembers.  But they’re more honest with each other these days.  They’ve had to be.

"You shouldn't be beating yourself about this, B," Faith says carefully, sitting down next to her.  "It was a long time ago, and you did what you had to do.  Like you said back then, I'd have done the same if I had the chance.  Hell, I did a lot worse.  I think we both know that I’m the one who should be apologizing"

Buffy remembers.  How powerless she’d felt, how violated, how justified she’d felt in her rage afterwards.  But she’d thrown the first stone, hadn’t she?  She’d crossed the invisible line first.  And in truth, when she thinks about things she’s sorry for doing to Faith, the scar is only the start of it.

"It's not just the fight," Buffy admits.  "It's … it’s everything about that year.  I could have ... I should have done so much more for you.  But I never knew how scared you were.  I never realized that you were so alone.  I think … I think I didn’t want to see it."

Faith frowns.  Gets that look in her eyes that Buffy knows means she’s fighting down the urge to say something impulsive.  

"I was scared," the other Slayer admits, slowly.  "You’re right.  And angry. All the time. And a little bit crazy too, I think, at least towards the end.  But I don't think you could've talked me out of it.  Not you, not anyone. None of it was ever your fault.  I think I had to figure that stuff out on my own.  Had to be honest with myself about what I felt, and what I could do about it."

"I should have tried harder," Buffy says stubbornly, not wanting to let this go. Because arguing with Faith, fighting with her – that’s always been easier, hasn’t it?  That’s always been something she could do.

She’d had a whole life of her own, back then.  A mom, and a sister, and a big house.  She could have tried to share it with her.  That would have been better, wouldn’t it?  But she hadn’t wanted to share.  She’d refused.  That was what she’d told her Mom, the very first night Faith came for dinner.  That Faith trying to spend time with her was creepy.

(That was one of the only nights that Faith had ever come for dinner, she realizes now.)

"You did try, Buffy," Faith says firmly.  "You were the only one who ever did.  You were the first person in my life who ever tried to look out for me, even after everything I did.  I'm not ever going to forget that, and you shouldn’t either."

Part of Buffy wants to believe that.  She does.  And she knows her friends would all agree.  Vocally, some of them.  But it’s too easy though, isn’t it?  Too convenient.  To make excuses, to find reasons why you didn’t have to help.  To make yourself seem better than you ever really were.

“You came to Sunnydale looking for me,” Buffy says, putting her hand on the table, brushing against Faith’s.  “You wanted to be with me.  And I tried to murder you.”

They’d never talked about it at the time, not openly.  But looking back, she must have seen it, mustn’t she?  How much time Faith wanted to spend with her, how little she cared about anyone or anything else.  How pleased she’d been when Scott Hope dumped her, how furious she’d been when she found out about Angel later.  How could Buffy not have seen what was right in front of her, unless she was trying to ignore it?

"You did what you had to do," Faith tells her again, more firmly this time. She rests her other hand on Buffy’s.  Squeezes it lightly, just for a second.

Buffy sighs.

"You always say that," she says, trying not to sound like she’s complaining. 

"Always will," Faith nods equably.  "Because it's the truth."

Buffy shakes her head.

"God, Faith, you were just a kid.  If I--"

"So were you, B,” Faith says.  “We all were."

She pauses, looks a little uncomfortable.

“Look, Buffy,” she says, “I dunno if it helps at all, but when I was in prison, the shrink we had at group sessions used to tell us that an apology had to convince two people.  The person you’d wronged, and the person you wanted to become.  So, uh.”

Buffy listens.  Tries to be patient.  Willow had pulled some tricks after Sunnydale – a bit of magic, a little old-fashioned hacking – and these days nobody seemed to remember that Faith was supposed to be behind bars.  But Faith remembers, she knows that, and she knows how hard it is for her to talk about that part of her life.  

“He used to have us write them down,” Faith adds.  “I guess there are a lot of unsent letters to you back in the big house that I forgot to take with me when I split. None of them were ever good enough anyway.  We were meant to write them down, and then try to imagine how the people we were going to write to might reply.  Try to put ourselves in their shoes, I mean.”

Faith fidgets a little in her chair, as though she’s having second thoughts about this speech.  Or maybe because putting herself in Buffy’s shoes was a large part of why she’d ended up in prison in the first place.

“The point is … maybe that’s stupid.  Maybe it was only ever a way to get some of us to shut up for a few minutes.   But I thought maybe we could try it.  Only, instead of you having to imagine how I’d respond, you could just listen to me.  Maybe copy what I said.  Say it yourself.”

Buffy nods slowly.  Faith was right: it does sound a little stupid.  But at the same time, she guesses it can’t hurt.  She manages a weak smile.  Nods her approval.  Waits for Faith to tell her when to start.

“I’m sorry I didn’t help you more, when we were both kids, Faith,” she says, when the other Slayer gives her the signal.  “I’m sorry I didn’t let you into more of my life.  I’m sorry I stabbed you.”

“I hear you, B,” Faith says seriously, brown eyes focused on her.  Gestures for her to repeat it, to keep echoing her as she continues.  “I get what you’re saying.  And I forgive you.  I know you helped me as much as you could.  More than anyone else.  Way more.  And for what it’s worth, I don’t think I could have been happy back then unless I was the only person in your life, the way you were for me.  Unless you gave up on your mom and your Watcher and all your other friends.  And that wasn’t ever fair to ask of you.  That wouldn’t have been healthy, for either of us.”

Faith pauses, face serious, waiting for her to finish repeating that all back to her.  Leans in a little closer, like she’s sharing a secret.

“Plus,” she says, waggling her eyebrows, “You kind of looked amazing when you stabbed me.  Total smokeshow.”

“Faith!” Buffy protests, feeling herself starting to blush the way she had when she was younger.  “I am not repeating that.”

Faith smirks, and Buffy lets herself think.  it still seems kind of stupid, even without that last part.. She’s not naive enough to think it will fix everything. But at the same time, she thinks that maybe it was useful.  A little bit, anyway.  

“Thank you,” she says.  “That helped.”

For a minute neither of them says anything.  The only sound in the house is the ticking of the clock over the kitchen table.  Faith still hasn’t let go of her hand.

"Still … if I could go back and change things, I would," Buffy admits. "Back to the beginning, I mean. I wish that I--"

She doesn't finish the sentence.  You don't spend years of your life in touch with Anya, on-again  and off-again vengeance demon, without realizing it might not be a good idea to make open-ended world-changing wishes out loud in the middle of the night.  (She thinks Anya’s mostly human these days, but it’s hard to keep track.  Maybe she should write more.)

"It … uh.  It hasn't been all bad, has it Buffy?" Faith asks her, suddenly sounding almost nervous. "There's some things you wouldn't change, right?"

She’s looking at one of the rings she’s wearing, Buffy sees, on the hand that’s resting on top of her own.  A silver one. 

Faith's always loved wearing rings.  Has done ever since Buffy met her.  She’s got a whole collection of them.  This one is a little different though.  Brand new, something Faith’s been wearing all the time for weeks now.  This one Buffy helped pick out herself; a perfect match to the ring she's wearing on her own hand.  It turned out Faith was a bit of a traditionalist that way.

"You wouldn't change this, would you, B?" Faith repeats softly, staring down at the ring on her left hand.

"You know I wouldn't," Buffy says firmly.  "That goes without saying."

She pauses.  Faith’s looking at her expectantly.  Waiting for her to take the lead.

"But you want me to say it anyway, huh," Buffy realizes.

Well, she can do that.  She guesses it’s her turn to be the one doing the reassuring anyway.  Buffy steps up, leans in, wraps her arms around the other Slayer and kisses her softly on the forehead the way she knows she likes.  Feels Faith shiver slightly under her touch, leaning into it the way she always does. Remembers suddenly just how thin those pajamas are; how little Faith is wearing underneath. 

"I've made a lot of decisions in my life that I regret," Buffy says softly, "But you, Mrs. Summers, are not one of them."

Faith was a bit of an unexpected traditionalist about that as well.  Buffy had been all for both of them keeping their names, or hyphenating them,  sharing them, but the other Slayer had insisted.  Had, finally, admitted that she just didn't like her old last name at all, that there was a reason she'd never used back in Sunnydale, why it had taken Buffy so long to even learn what it was.  "Faith Summers, though,” the other woman had said quietly, "I think that's a name I could be proud of.  That's someone I'd like to be."

The ceremony itself, back in June, had been a pretty small affair.

They’d only allowed themselves a handful of guests each.  Willow and Kennedy; Xander and Andrew; Dawn and Amanda.  Faith had spent weeks threatening to invite Angel to play the part of her best man – especially once she realized just how mortifying Buffy found the prospect – but in the end she'd opted to be merciful and just invited Gunn and Fred and Wesley up from LA, plus Robin from wherever he called home these days.  Buffy has a feeling neither Angel or Spike minded missing out on this experience.  

And Giles had been there too, flying out of England for the first time in almost two years.  She'd been so pleased he could make it.  It was a little bit like ... well.  He was family, wasn’t he?

"Your mother would have been very proud of you today," he'd told her at the airport, when she’d rushed up to meet him and totally embarrassed him with a hug.  "Proud of you both.  As am I.  But then, I hope you already knew that."

And then – because of course nothing could go smoothly for long – they'd had to reschedule the whole thing almost at the last minute; pushing everything back by a week so they could all make an emergency trip to Cleveland.  

Even though she and Faith were pretty much retired now -- and even though Kennedy was too, as of last year, along with Amanda and Rona and most of the other former Sunnydale Potentials -- they still got called up for the main events.  For the real apocalypses, when the Organization needed its biggest guns.  This time it had been the Sisterhood of Jhe again, Buffy thinks.  Trying to open another Hellmouth, almost ten years after the first attempt.  Their timing had sucked, but at least she'd been able to take her frustrations out on a few big demons.  She's sure Faith had been a lot more vicious than usual in her Slaying too.  Between them, they hadn't really left much of anyone to interrogate afterwards.  Maybe it was a good thing that that wasn’t something either of them had to worry about anymore.

(Buffy had met Kennedy's replacement as head of the Organization briefly in Cleveland, while they were being briefed before the mission.  She was a nice kid called Satsu, who had been gratifyingly starstruck at meeting both of the original Slayers, but who had still kept her head enough to give them their orders just like everyone else.  It was good to know that the other Slayers -- the new ones, the ones young enough not to have retired yet -- were in competent hands.  And Buffy knows that they have been, all along, whether that means Kennedy or Satsu or whoever will come after her.  That's part of why Buffy doesn't regret her decision to step back from that side of things.  Not for a minute. Even if it has meant a few more sleepless nights.  Nobody can carry that much weight for long.)

And a week after Cleveland, that was it: Faith and Buffy, married. Not because of a wish, or one of Willow’s spells gone wrong, but for real.  Forever.  Legally binding, recognized by the State of California and everything (although a lot of awful people seemed awfully unhappy about that).  When Buffy had been younger, she could never have imagined any of this.  She'd thought that being a Slayer meant that anything like this was impossible.  That this was something only normal girls got to have.  And she'd never thought that she’d want it quite so much: her own parents’ marriage hadn’t exactly endeared her to the institution as a whole. Even a couple of years ago, she’d never have admitted to anyone quite how happy it would make her.  

And she is, Buffy realizes.  Even with the odd nightmares.  She’s sitting in her kitchen with the love of her life, waiting for the sun to come up and a new day to begin, and she’s never been happier.  She thinks her younger self would be delighted to know that, somehow, everything had worked out okay.

Maybe she's been looking at things the wrong way all this time.  It's not that the  nightmares started when she moved out here. It's that the waking nightmares – the real world nightmares, the kind with teeth and names and minds of their own – had become rare enough she finally started noticing the other kind.

"Look, B, I've got to get back to bed or I won't be any use for anything at work tomorrow," Faith says, fighting back a yawn, shooting an apologetic look at the clock on the wall.  “Guess I’m not as young as I used to be. Good thing I’m still wicked hot.”

Buffy nods absently.  She's still not sure what she's going to do next.  Whether she's heading off for that late night run, or ...

"I'll see you in the morning before I head out for work," Faith promises.  "Unless, uh."

Buffy makes a decision.  Stands up.

"Well," she says slowly, "I guess it wouldn't be very chivalrous of me to leave my wife alone all night, would it?"

Faith grins at her wolfishly. Just the way she had when they'd first met. Like a co-conspirator; a partner in crime. As if the two of them still had a secret that nobody else could share.  And for a second, it's like no time has passed at all.  Like they could still be dancing together back in the Bronze, just the two of them, or out on patrol looking for vampires in some forgotten Sunnydale cemetery that's long since been buried deep in a hole in the desert.  When it seemed like high school was going to last forever.  When they'd both only been able to focus on the present; on the immediate demands of the here and now.  Finding the next vamp, dusting it, and moving on to the one after that.

Buffy puts her arm around Faith's waist, fingers resting carefully just below her scar, walks with her towards the stairs.  Maybe they weren't so wrong, back then.  Maybe this is what matters.  Maybe this is all that ever did.  Just the two of them, just the present moment.  And when the other Slayer looks up at her, when she leans her head to rest on her shoulder, something in her eyes makes Buffy sure they're both thinking the same thing.

"There's my girl," she breathes.