#i've never moved in all my 21 years of living i have no idea what to think about this

[risingsunresistance]

can i get off of this rollercoaster please

[crownmemes]

Spy Sentences, Vol. 21

(Sentences from various sources for spies and/or secretive muses. Adjust phrasing where needed)

"We do this by the book, which means you stay out of the action, got it?"

"You saved me!"

"The people I work with are loyal to the end. Can you say the same?"

"I'm sure you can understand why I don't want to go through the other channels."

"You don't know me, but I know you."

"It's been two years and I don't even know who you are!"

"You don't even know what you don't know."

"I'm not letting anyone else get hurt on my behalf, okay?"

"Why do I get the feeling that you're not telling me everything?"

"I don't want to have to explain to people who you are."

"You've not been doing this very long, have you?"

"I'm sure you have an abundance of questions, but I doubt I'll answer any of them."

"I've seen some pretty disturbing things in my time working with you and I think I've handled them pretty well, but this? I don't think I can do this."

"You won't fire that gun. You're not the sort."

"Everyone wants to save the world. They just disagree on how."

"It's not realistic to think that I wouldn't do what I came here to do."

"You're obviously not doing this out of the goodness of your heart, so what is it that you want?"

"Why don't I tell you a story?"

"We can trust no one."

"I'm so sorry that I can't offer you a less dangerous solution."

"Why do I feel like every time we get close to getting some answers, somebody changes the question?"

"Blackmail? Go on, then. With everything you've done, you'll be going down with me."

"In this game, the skill one must have above all else is patience."

"Let's do this quickly. The less blood, the better."

"Our game ends here. I've made sure of that;"

"Haven't you seen enough blood for one night?"

"Look around. Do you see all these people going about their lives, no idea what's happening around them or what they're in the middle of?"

"Make yourself comfortable. Nobody knows you're here but me."

"You have a lot of questions. I understand, but you must understand that I can't give you all the answers."

"You must never hesitate."

"What if they find you first? What then?"

"I heard you were looking for me?"

"Do you have any regret for the things you've done?"

"Will I ever see you again?"

"For what it's worth, it was not my decision to keep this from you."

"You are in grave danger."

"Could I rely on you never to betray a country? Perhaps not. Could I rely on you never to betray me? Yes, I believe I could."

"Don't confuse a winning move with a winning game."

"The reason I chose you is because you've got good instincts."

"This isn't a training exercise, is it?"

"I hear that you're as cold as the snow, and that you don't have any weak nerves or fear."

[void-of-unparalled-chaos]

Twice now I have tried to make a reblog reply about Walter and twice now Tumblr has eaten it. So let's try it this way @chaos-bringer-13

Allow me to take you back to the ✨QUARANTINE DAYS✨ and tell you the tale of a pumpkin that may or may not have housed a god

So back in good old 2020/21 we are in the thrall of the COVID-19 pandemic. My state in particular had super heavy quarantine restrictions, and as someone with lung issues, my mom and myself were not taking any chances. I haven't left my house in maybe 5 months. Nor have I seen any of my friends outside of video calls. Senior year of High School so far has sucked.

I'm talking to my friend, we'll call her Marie, and I mention off hand "Yeah I'm starting to feel a bit lonely." Now Marie has known me for a solid 8 years at this point. She knows my type of humor and attachment to what we would now and days call "skrungly" objects. She decides "hmm. I can fix this!"

Marie's mom (who was... certainly a human being) for some god forsaken reason decided to buy a white pumpkin and give it to Marie with the idea that she would harvest the seeds from it and plant them in the garden (why she did this instead of just buying pumpkin seeds I will never know). Instead of doing this, Marie takes this pumpkin and draws a realistic face on it that can only be described as similar to the handsome squidward meme. She drives to my house, sets the pumpkin on my doorstep with a note, and then FUCKING BOOKS IT.

I open the door to see this pumpkin with a note that reads "Hello Momther, I am Walter."

(Not the best photo but this is in fact Walter sitting in the dark in my front yard while Marie (not pictured) stands on my driveway holding a single candle and chanting).

Anyway immediately I take him inside completely smitten and unknowing as to what this pumpkin will create.

At this point of quarantine, we have gone back to classes but they are completely online. I decide that the best thing I could possibly do with Walter is set him on a stack of notebooks behind me so that when I turn my camera on he would be there... watching. Notably, one guy who never unmuted himself did so just long enough to ask "Void... what the fuck is that."

Needless to say I got endless entertainment from the reactions, but all good things have to come to an end. Unfortunately, I live in a desert and pumpkins simply don't survive. They typically would rot within a few days where I was living at the time, so my Mom told me to move it outside at least. I decide to put him by the front door. This front door has a little half wall that leads up to it. I put him on top of it facing the walkway so whenever a package is delivered the mailman would be faced with Walter and have to make eye contact before leaving the mail. I figure I'll probably get a couple more days out of him before he rots.

This is where it starts to get weird

Another week passes. Two. Unlike every single pumpkin I've ever had for Halloween, Walter shows no signs of rotting despite being exposed to the elements. The pumpkin is at this point about a month and a half old and still perfectly fine. Marie, our friends, and I all kind of laugh it off as a random one time thing and expect it to rot within another week.

IT. FUCKING. DOESN'T.

4 months into having Walter and he is still as good as new. Around this time the vaccines for covid started rolling out, so my friends and I get to see each other again. They are just as baffled as me about Walter. Of course, us being us, we have been referring to Walter like an actual person this whole time because that's just our humor. We give him little head pats and forehead rubs as we enter or leave my house and say hello/goodbye to him.

Also around this time, my mom and myself are beginning to prep for moving to another state. We have also started doing some in person classes again. I had been cleaning out my room one morning, and just so happened to leave a piece of sea glass in front of Walter as I left for school. I had a strangely good day. Managed to get an A on a test if I remember right. I come home, see the glass in front of the pumpkin, and start thinking. The next day I leave him something else. Another good luck day! I try this again and every single time I leave him an offering something good happens! I tell my friends about it and they start doing it too and experiencing the same results. We decide that he must be some god of luck inhabiting this pumpkin vessel and rewinding time on it to keep it from rotting.

At some point someone gave him an orange and I swear to god the pumpkin started getting orange marks on its forehead. He still wasn't rotting though! We decided that he obviously has been absorbing the power from the offerings.

Around this time I realise the I have somehow created a partially serious cult and decide I might as well lean into it. I actually enlisted the help of the neighbor kids to take this photo.

Time passes. Walter is about 10 months old now and still going strong. We have graduated highschool and I'm going to be moving in a week. I can't take Walter with me, so Marie decides she will take him. But first, she is going to help us move. It's a 6 hour drive. We put Walter in the passenger seat window so that all the cars passing us can see him.

After she helps us, Marie and Walter continue on to yet another state where Marie will be attending university. Walter is almost if not a year old when he finally starts to rot. Marie, in her dorm room mind you, makes a plaster cast of his head and redraws his face on it. To this day Walter hangs in his new, more durable vessel, guarding her spice cabinet.

By the end of Walter's reign, he had reached his 1st birthday, scared who knows how many mailmen, met 3 of my teachers in person, visited 3 USA states, and briefly had an instagram account.

[scarlet--wiccan]

Perhaps you’ve seen the solicit for avengers 21. The whole AvX angle feels like it’s probably exaggerated (since it’s not an event or anything, knock on wood) and it does seem like objectively a good line up for a drama between the teams, however temporary it is

The mention of Magneto and Wanda “finally confronting their history” seems a bit… odd. I feel like they do that a lot. Is there anything along those lines you’d like to see there? However unlikely. I’ve always been kind of curious about Astra’s time with the brotherhood and if they dynamics were different for Wanda when there was another woman present (considering how much Wanda’s gender informed her treatment by toad, mags, mastermind, and Pietro (to a lesser extent))

I'm not at all surprised that there's going to be a crossover between X-Men and Avengers, since they're both written by the same author, and Ororo being on the Avengers team already creates a bit of overlap. I agree that whatever conflict occurs between them will probably be short-lived. We've seen this before.

I am truly, genuinely, sick to death of talking about Magneto's relationship with Wanda and Pietro. I don't think I've seen, or participated in, a single fandom conversation about it that didn't feel like beating the dry, sun-bleached remains of a horse that died years and years ago. I don't give a fuck. The Magnus family is one of those subjects where everyone feels like they need to have their own take, and at this point it seems like authors bring it up because they just can't help giving their two cents. I really hope that's not what's happening here.

I have no real qualms with the current status quo-- they're being written as people who've treated each other as family for years, regardless of their blood ties or who raised who, and they've been going back and forth between allyship and opposition with varying levels of toxicity for most of the twins' lives. That is not functionally any different from how it was before the retcon, at least in terms of relationship dynamics. And while the writing and pacing in their most recent storylines (Trial, SW&Q) has been kind of a mess, I thought that the character's motives and actions made sense.

So there's nothing, in my mind, that needs to be revised or confronted, and honestly, at this point, I think that messing around with the past will only do more harm than good. The only thing I want right now is a better resolution to the finale of SW&Q, or maybe for Wanda and Max to own up to the fact that they totally threw Toad under the bus in Trial. For Wanda's sake, I do not want them to bring up the Decimation any more. I think their connection to each other could be used to spark interesting dialogues about whatever Magneto and/or the X-Men's next big political move is, but that's not the same as "confronting their history."

I can't recall if Astra's time with the Brotherhood overlaps significantly with Wanda's-- even in modern comics, you never see them together in flashbacks. But the bonus page from X-Men #1 teased that she might be making a comeback soon-- having Wanda and Max on-page together and making them talk about the Brotherhood would be a great way to reveal some new info about Astra's past, or at least tease her return. That is a great example of how to take advantage of their history to actually advance the plot and introduce new ideas. Bravo for making that connection-- it's smarter than what most writers have done.

[skellymom]

Vagabonds Questions

What inspired you to write the fic this way?

What scene did you first put down?

Where did the title come from?

Thanks for asking @genericficerblog !

For reference and shameless self promotion, here is the intro and first chapter of my ongoing The Bad Batch Hunter x OC fan fic series:

The subsequent chapters after that are linked at the end of each chapter so you can continue to read uninterrupted (If indeed the links do still work. Message me if they don't please!). I've only just written 1/4 of the story arc so far. There is farther to go. And many surprises in store for the reader. Admittedly, I had hoped to pick up past chapter 8 already...but SUPER burnt during the holidays from working my main job (veterinary technician). So I might not start up the story again until Feb 2024. I need a mental health break.

#1. What inspired you to write the fic this way? When it comes to my OC, I'm a bit of a control freak. So third person omnipresent works for me. I get to share ALL OF THE DETAILS of everyone involved in the fic. However, I do have two first person one shots that work much better when the reader is the only person privy to what they are thinking and the other characters are a bit of a mystery.

Also, with all the horrible crap going on in the world that I have NO control over...it's nice to write something that's a bit escapist. I have control over this universe. And, while characters might encounter hardship and loss, the ending for sure will be happy. It might be bittersweet, but it's cosmically for the best. I feel like I have more control over this world than the one I live in. The one that control is really only an illusion. And, I'm no hero. Just another cog in the machine clicking away.

#2. What scene did you first put down? Actually, the scene with Love force grabbing and rescuing the puppy from the Coruscant meat market. They needed to rescue that poor little soul! However, the very first scene to even pop into my head as an idea was that of Mad trying to fly out of trouble on the Beldame and Love pretty much protecting the ship with their unrestrained Force Shield...with disastrously (or lucky) insane results. Didn't write it down until much, much later.

I LOVE WRITING ACTION SCENES! I tend to write the really meaty scenes first (I have several notebooks that I just scribble stuff down while sitting in front of the fire, with a cup of tea, or whenever I can pick up and write). Then I slowly piece bits together to make the whole of the story. I have ideas whizzing around all the time in my head...I just gotta commit to writing them into reality!!!

#3. Where did the title come from? A "Vagabond" is a person that wanders from place to place without a home or job. Or a person having no settled home. A wanderer or traveler. It usually doesn't have a pejorative meaning as it can have a romanticized connotation, but sometimes can be pejorative as in calling someone a vagrant.

I've always been interested in people who continually move from place to place, either by want or necessity. Most people tend to stay in one place and never go far due to being comfortable with what they know. But, what if you're comfortable with what you don't know? What if settling in too long in one place is stifling? Or constantly moving allows you freedom, opportunities, experiences...maybe even safety? What if your culture ENCOURAGED you to keep moving and embrace the unknown and new experiences?

I have been a bit of a Vagabond most of my life. Moved away from my home state at 21 years old (I would have left sooner...like 10 years old if I had the money, confidence, luck, parental consent, etc. My cousin reminded me that climbing through the bedroom window and running away with just a suitcase would land me in juvenile detention. Plus, she said she would miss me). Two Navy husbands, lots of places I've lived, visited, traveled to and still going whenever I can. Hell, I'd couch surf, floor crash, or whatever it takes to go visit ANYWHERE! And, if I stop moving too long I get restless and a major case of wanderlust.

So, in between saving money and planning to find places to go I write and travel to places in my mind that don't exist. Yep...Mad is ME! Surely you figured that out already. Been dreaming of flying away on adventures since I was a child. I LOVE planet earth. But, sometimes I look up in the sky at night and gaze at the stars...hoping to see a craft touch down in the greenspace behind my house. A band of rag-tag misfits emerge and call over the fence. They traveled an awfully long way through hyperspace lanes and time-space worm holes to come to this tiny blue planet holding life. They say they are looking for a few good Rebels. I turn and yell to my family that I'm off to fight a galactic war and don't wait up for me at dinner. Gotta shoot some imps and steal some intel. Be back tomorrow. <3

[neosimi]

i was tagged by @kestrelteens, thank u for thinking of me friend. ♡

1. What’s your favourite sims death? cowplant! >:)

2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match? maxis match.

3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight? no? lmao.

4. Do you use move objects? yes, always.

5. Favorite mod? ACR for sure. i couldn't live without sim manipulator either.

6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got? noo idea.

7. Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing? alive. can't convince me otherwise!

8. Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? uhhh. i feel bad i don't bother naming the sims i've made specifically for my blog. the one that was stuck in my drafts is my fave.

9. Have you made a simself? yup! tbh who hasn't heh.

10. What sim traits do you give yourself? let me look up the ts4 traits... maker, family oriented, socially awkward, and animal enthusiast. :]

11. Which is your favorite EA hair color? hm, idk. i gravitate toward brown i guess.

12. Favorite EA hair? jennifer burb's.

13. Favorite life stage? i feel lame for saying adults lol but it's just the real meat n' potatoes of gameplay there lol.

14. Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? gameplay, i don't mind building community lots though.

15. Are you a CC creator? ye.

16. Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad? everyone in misty's *kith* and ofc my bffs @isabella-goth and @sabrinassims. i'd love to make even more! ♡♡

17. What’s your favorite game? ts2 always and forever.

18. Do you have any sims merch? nope.

19. Do you have a YouTube for sims? no, it's crossed my mind for tutorials tho.

20. How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing? at the very beginning of playing ts2 (as an adult), there were very few clay hairs so i had some alpha poppet hairs. you could find the find screenshots on this blog lol, but then i gave clay a try and never looked back. there are some cute alpha hairs that are very chef kiss too, don't get me wrong!

21. What’s your Origin ID? what's that /j

22. Who’s your favorite CC creator? i could make a big ol' list of them all lol but my resources page kinda summarizes it.

23. How long have you had a simblr? i want to say 2-3 years? i never interacted w the sims community beforehand x)

24. How do you edit your pictures? literally just reshade, then resizing in photoshop lol.

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next? i'm so checked out w ts4 sry sdfnsmd.

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far? IKEA hands down. EP wise, probably freetime.

tagging @isabella-goth @annieshowell @simsdada @grilledcheese-aspiration @sicksadsim @socialbunny and whoever else wants to do this! <3

[karinamay]

Writing interview tag game

Thank you @cinnamontails-ff for the taaaag now I get to ramble about writing hell yes

When did you start writing?

I've been writing stories basically as long as I can remember, and I was a very avid journal keeper between ages like 7 and 21. First time I decided I was going to "write a book" I was 10, and me and my best friend at the time got permission to spend 2 hours or so every week at school to work on it because it was a "good creative persuit", whic was pretty cool. I have been writing fiction ever since, and I think I started writing fanfic around when I was 16 or so, so about 14 yearsish ago.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I write (urban) fantasy/romance pretty much exclusively, but I read all sorts. I do enjoy me some good dystopian, and some scifi here and there, and from time to time I 180 into reading less fantastical literary fiction that borders on nihilistic-satire-black comedy ish (I've read Bret Easton Ellis' entire bibliography, to give an idea). In the end most of what I read is in the fantasy with either romance or found family (or, ideally, both) realm though, I love escaping to magical worlds.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

I try not to compare my work actively to other writers'. Of course there are writers I admire and look up to, but there isn't a writer that I want to "write like" really. I write very much like me. And with that, I don't think I've ever specifically been compared to another author? Not that I can remember anyway.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

My current writing setup is in my living room, which is not ideal, it's just because my wifi doesn't reach into my office well enough. I am in the process of moving my shit over there though, so I'm excited to turn that into a bit more of an inspiring space. The only nice thing that I currently have in my writing space is my recently spruced up "bookcase" (I'll put a picture under the cut.)

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Work for it. Nine out of ten times when I sit down to write I don't already have the spark or whatever that I need. (The tenth time is a great day, but it just doesn't happen very often, and it also doesn't actually necessarily mean your writing will be better that day.) When I have sat down on the days when it's not immediately there, and I start writing, it will usually come. It's kind of a stupid writing will come from writing loop that feeds itself, if that makes sense.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Healthy communication is a big one, whether that's between romantic partners or any other kind of relationships. I write a lot about power and corruption and I'm big on found family. None of this is surprising at all. What is surprising to me is that I've started leaning more into creepy/eerie/horrory realms over the past year or so, which isn't really a theme, but definitely a genre I never thought I would enjoy so much.

What is your reason for writing?

Because it's the closest we can get to magic in this world. I get to dream up worlds and people and watch them try and fail and succeed and evolve, give them life, give them reason, fear, doubt, love, everything. It's fucking brilliant, and even though I get stuck and it's frustrating, I will never be able to not do it, because I don't know how not to.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

"I felt like I was there" is something that will always get me, that motivates me to no end. And I love when people start theorising, trying to figure out what's going to happen next. I weirdly get drawn into the theories, even though I know what happens next. I love it.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

Huh, I don't know. As someone who really cares deeply about the story I'm writing, I think. And hopefully as someone who captures the voices of the characters they love and who does them justice.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Dialogue. My stories are very dialogue driven, and I take a lot of pride in how the dialogue runs. And hand in hand with that dialogue, knowing when to throw in a bit of humour, especially in a dark story, without it feeling cheap.

How do you feel about your own writing?

Depends on the day, although I'm starting to get to a place where I'm generally pretty happy with it. There are many things I know I can improve on a lot still, but in the end, I do like what I'm writing, and I do think other people do/would like to read it.

It's a work in progress but the vibes are vibing imo.

[heliads]

Hey hey Lisaa!!💓 Hope you're having a great day!! Here I am with the promised angst prompt for Marvel's Eternals. It's a Druig x reader (I love him with makkari but this needs to be off my chest). Let's think that after some time of leading his community in the Amazon, Druig needed a break so he visited some place new where he met reader. Reader (around 20-21 years of age) and Druig fell in love and stayed together for about I don't know, maybe 5 years or so. Reader knew who he really was, but had no idea of the existence of his community. Druig left one morning without any words and never came back. It ruined reader, but eventually they moved on, found someone else, maybe even had a kid.

After 10-15 years (the timeline of reader's life, them moving on and so), Druig comes back as if nothing happened. He went to check things over in the Amazon and to prepare for reader's arrival, cause he planned to take them there. Being an eternal, 10-15 years mean nothing to him, it's like a month passed by. So, imagine his shock when he sees somebody kissing reader. Somebody who lives in their house. In his place.

Reader and Druig have a fight based on these prompts:

"I've moved on."

"I used to daydream about us. But now it's too late."

"Don't you want to know what could have been? If you had asked me this years ago, I would have said yes."

The ending as usual it's up to you, but these prompts kinda make the ending clear. It's not going to be happy:))) Tear my soul apart Lisa. I want to cry my eyes out. Thank you lovely!!! Remember to change what you don't like!!❤️❤️

omg i love eternals and i love angst. the perfect combination

masterlist

You are alone when you see him for the first time. Sitting there in the bending shadows of the trees, he looks like he could be a young man, about your age if not a month or two older. Later, you’ll learn that he’s far beyond your own mortal lifespan, but at that first moment of contact, you had no idea. You didn’t know a lot of things about the young man in the forest, least of all how much you would grow to know about him. Decades in the future, if you had been presented with the chance to change any moment in your life, you would think about altering this day the most.

You have no idea of how much he would haunt you, though, so on this particular afternoon, you do not heed the whispering in the woods and you draw closer to the young man. You’d been passing through the forest when you’d seen him. He had tripped over a tree root, then started glowering at the tangled mass of aged wood as if he hadn’t expected it there. This particular oak is one of the eldest growths in the area, but he still furrowed his brow like it had been moved there recently just to spite him.

You had paused by him as you passed. You had thought to offer him a hand up, but the immediate spark in his blue eyes warned you otherwise. This is not the sort of man who takes kindly to kindness. He’ll cut to the bone when he needs some entertainment, and you are certainly not to ruin him of his fun by being polite of all things.

So you retract your hand and your good intentions, choosing instead to offer him a smirking sort of smile. “Everything alright there?”

The man redirects his glare from the offending oak to you. “Just peachy. I always chose to spend my evenings on the ground as opposed to anywhere else.”

Far from taking insult at his tone, you find it within yourself to laugh. “Figured I’d check anyway. Newcomers to the area get lost often, do you need directions?”

The young man bristles even more than before, if possible. “I’m not a newcomer.”

He says it with all the irritation he can pack into the few short syllables. From the way he carries himself, you wouldn’t be surprised if he’d been here longer than you. Maybe longer than anyone, dead, alive, or otherwise.

You nod once, feigning solemnity. “Alright, then. You tripped on purpose and you’re lost on purpose, too. I’ll stop asking questions.”

Something almost like a smile appears on his face. The corners of lips are fighting a losing battle to stay pinned down. “Good. You’re a quick learner, I appreciate that.”

You take one for the team and grin. “Oh, I pride myself on it.”

The young man picks himself up from the ground at last, brushing his hands off on his navy attire.

You jerk your chin towards the direction you’re heading. “Coming?”

He cocks his head to the side, curious, and you explain yourself. “I assume you’re going to be following me out of the forest anyway. You might as well save yourself the trouble of trying to skulk along in the background and just join me.”

This time he does smile for real. “Like I said,” he muses, “a quick learner indeed. Although I have to tell you that skulking is one of my favorite activities.”

“Feel free to do so if you please, then,” you say, “either way is fine with me.”

He chuckles quietly. “I’ll stay.”

And he does. The young man follows you out of the shadows of the woods and into the bright air of the surrounding town. He walks by your side until you reach your house, then heads inside when you invite him in. He stays the night, then the next day, then the next. Soon enough, you don’t ever want him to leave.

You learn quite a bit about him. He goes by the name of Druig, although he’s responded to many others before and likely will again. You weren’t wrong about the vibe you got in the forest, the one that he’d been here quite a long time. As it turns out, Druig was stopping by your town for a quick break from his usual life. He’d been here before, yes, but about a couple centuries earlier, not the few years you’d been expecting.

You weren’t anticipating an immortal to become your new roommate, but you can’t say you mind. You and Druig exchange quick retorts and hidden smiles like playing cards. He soon becomes your favorite gamble, and you have long since been his. Every night, Druig says that he’ll be leaving the next morning, and every morning, he stays. Next time, he swears he’ll go. Next time. Always one more night.

Soon enough, he stops saying it completely. You certainly have no issue with it. He’s growing on you, you can admit that easily. He makes you feel like you’re the greatest person in the world, and seeing as Druig has seen quite a bit of the planet for quite some time, the fact that he stays with you time and time again has to mean something.

It feels completely predictable when you finally fall in love with him. Druig sees you like no one else, how could you not love him? The surprise was when he fell in love with you. A thousand lifetimes he has led, a million people and more he has met, and throughout all of that, he wants you more than any other. Druig swears that you are the only one for him, and although it seemed impossible at the beginning, you finally think that it might be true.

It just feels right, that’s all. This is the way your story was always supposed to go. It was written in the stars from the moment you met him in that forest. There was no other path that you could have taken, no other choice that you could have made. In any other lifetime or universe, you would always meet Druig, you would always fall in love with him, and he would always leave you.

That is what happens when you try to convince an Eternal to lay aside their old life, after all. Druig only came to your town by accident, looking for a passing whimsy to fill his time. He hadn’t intended on finding you, but he did. He loved what he discovered in you enough to stay for five years or so, and when that time was up, Druig looked around and realized that he had a thousand other things he’d rather be doing and abandoned you.

That’s what you think, at least. In truth, you have nothing to fill your mind but endless theories. When it comes down to it, Druig gave you no sort of explanation, nothing even so solid as a goodbye. One night he was there, the next he was gone. It was just like those promises of your initial months, but this time it was real and this time you didn’t even have that familiar phrase to remind you that this was never permanent.

Some part of you had always known that your relationship with Druig would be nothing if not temporary, but the painful truth is that it was so wonderful to love him that you managed to convince yourself otherwise. He made it easy to forget he ever wanted to do anything but love you. If you fell for it, well, that’s on you. Druig made his choice, and at long last, you’re going to have to say yours.

One day after he leaves, maybe weeks or months or even years later, you walk to the forest where you met him. You can still find that old oak, and when you look up at it, you curse it for tripping him up and making him fall into your path. You could have walked right by and never hurt yourself this much. What a life you could have led.

At the same time, meeting Druig was one of the best things you ever did. He changed you forever, even if you don’t want to admit it. You are different now, different in a way that you will never be able to reverse. Some days, you’ll curse that, but you think overall you’ll be able to accept it.

You breathe in and out slowly, then turn around and walk back to your town. Druig has left in the middle of the story, but you’re taking yourself out too. Your time with him is done, your memories complete in the past. What’s done is done, and at last, you are free of his hold on you.

…

Druig feels excited to come back. He had a dream a while ago in which his life was not just good but great. It took him a while to figure out what he could change to chase that perfection, and then it hit him. Sometimes, humans can be a little too unpredictable. They don’t go where you want them to go, they argue and fight when they could just be calm.

That’s why he’s made his community in the Amazon. It’s quieter there. The people get along. He sees to it that they do. The environment is beautiful around them, and everyone does their best to help it grow. It is the perfect place for anyone to live. It is the perfect place to start a family.

Druig has never been sure of love in the past. After much careful consideration, though, he thinks he’s found it in Y/N L/N. He didn’t count on her being such an important part of his life, but yes, she is now. He’s been fixing up his place in the Amazon and it’s finally ready. All that is left to do is to bring her over.

He takes the long way around to her corner of the earth, breathing in the brisk air of the sea and thinking of her. It is nothing to take his time; time is all that he has ever known. What he did not count on is that she might not have the same grasp on the quickly passing years as he does.

When Druig arrives at the town, he has to take a minute or two to re-orient himself. Streets have sprung up out of nowhere, buildings have been demolished or improved until they’re almost nothing like what he remembers. Y/N doesn’t live in the same place as she used to, but after asking around, Druig is able to locate her new residence without difficulty. He feels mildly peeved that she hadn’t told him she was moving, but then again, he can admit that there would be no real way for her to let him know.

He springs up the steps to her house, knocking smartly on the door before rocking back on his heels and waiting. She takes her time in approaching, and when she swings open the door at last, she has to use the better part of five minutes to collect herself.

“Druig,” she manages to breathe at last.

He nods. He’s smiling again; he usually doesn’t, but something about her has always made him lose that bit of his self-control.

“Y/N,” he replies.

They’ve always been happy to poke fun at each other, so he’s expecting her to laugh along at him mirroring her words, but for some reason Y/N just looks shell-shocked.

“What are you doing?” She asks at last.

Druig frowns. Admittedly, he had been hoping that she’d be at least a little bit happier to see him. He’s gone to all this trouble of fixing up the Amazon for her, she might as well be pleased about it.

“I’ve been busy making a place for us to live,” he says, “how soon can you leave?”

Y/N looks even more stunned, if possible. “Leave? What are you talking about?”

Druig spreads his hands. “We talked about having a life somewhere else, remember? Somewhere exciting. Well, I’ve found it. You shouldn’t have to pack much, I have everything we could need.”

Y/N shakes her head slowly. “Druig, I can’t leave. Not with–”

She cuts herself off quickly, but Druig hears what she didn’t say. Not with you.

He doesn’t like where this is going. “Why not?”

Y/N lets out this incredulous sort of laugh. “Why not? Druig, you were gone fifteen years. You can’t just show up out of nowhere and expect me to go with you.”

Druig lifts a shoulder. “It was only fifteen years.”

That’s not much, all things considered, but from the way Y/N’s staring at him, he could have stayed away fifteen centuries.

She takes a moment to control herself, then continues. “Look, I can’t go with you. I’ve moved on.”

Druig feels as if the world has turned upside down. “You’ve what? You didn’t wait for me?”

“I did,” Y/N murmurs, “I did for years and years, but you never showed up. I used to daydream about the day you’d show up again and take me away from everything, but it’s too late now.”

Druig has spent century after century studying humanity, but he feels as if he can’t understand a thing she’s saying. “I don’t get it. I’m here right now. We could go.”

She presses her hands together, trying to find the right words to say to adequately make up for everything. “Do you know the worst part? Worse than the fact that you’ll never get why I can’t go with you. I would have, if you had just told me that this was your plan. If you had asked me this years ago, I would have said yes. I would have said yes a thousand times, but you left and never came back until now.”

“What’s stopping you?” He asks desperately.

Y/N holds up her left hand as an explanation, and suddenly Druig sees it. She’s got an engagement ring on her finger. Immediately, Druig wants to say that it’s the wrong ring. He would have given her a better stone, something perfect. It hits him then that she doesn’t want perfection, because perfection was him and he left. All Y/N wants is to be happy, but that is not Druig. Perhaps it never has been.

He lets out a tired sigh, the weight of millennia pressing in at his lungs. “The Y/N I used to know would have waited. What happened to her?”

“I was a girl when you left me,” Y/N hisses, “a girl, and I thought the world of you. I am nothing like the girl you left. You’re the only one who hasn’t changed, Druig. You’re still just as sharp as ever.”

Druig doesn’t miss how she spits out that last word. Sharp, yes, that’s him. Cold and cutting, the blade that refuses to rust. He never minded it before, but now he does. Oh, he does. 

The older parts of his brain are taking over now, forcing him back into autopilot. Already, his spine is stiffening, the last parts of him that had dared to feel something locking back into endless nothingness.

“I’ll go, then,” he whispers, “I hope you enjoy your life.”

He says it genuinely, but judging from the look on Y/N’s face, he might as well have sworn at her. Druig turns around before she can say anything to cause him more grief, and forces himself to never look back. A thousand thoughts are spinning around in his head, and when he looks up, he’s in the forest where they first met.

Or, he’s in the place that used to be the forest. Most of it has been cleared away to make space for new housing. A few straggling saplings still remain, but everything else is empty space. Druig walks until he is in the exact same place where he first found the girl he loves. The tree has been cut down. All he gave her is gone.

He does not know how long he stays there. It’s a penance of sorts, a reminder of what he’s lost. He was never made for this sort of life– mortal, fleeting, requiring all of his time and attention– and this just reminds him of it once and for all. What they had together has vanished, disappeared beneath the folds of time. It’s not her story anymore, just his. His forever.

requested by @zaypay, i hope you enjoy!

marvel tag list: @thatfangirl42, @rogueanschel, @mycosmicparadise, @ellobruv, @callsign-scully, @with-inked-solace, @sher-lokid7, @amortensie, @23victoria, @watchreadfangirlrepeat, @gods-fools-heroes, @w1shes43

[spoodlebat]

OC-tober day 3/4: Old OC/Redesign

This one took me a few days so I'm combining the two prompts ^^ It would have been the same oc regardless anyway so it makes sense to given the tasks. I very rarely draw mechs so I hope you'll excuse the identical style to Zerrinth's post; symmetry is just so much easier when it comes to designing and basic posing.

His name is Delta, and he's an OC who I've had for a very long time.

Extremely long ramblings, timelapse and original art under the cut

I'll frontload this with the character lore and timelapse; if anyone cares for my breakdown of the oc itself, that'll be the huge ramble at the bottom ^^

D-17, going these days by Delta, is an autonomous multi-function guard unit. Originally from a world shrouded in eternal night, he and his charge Amyss fled its destruction in their ship, the ArchWing, to the planet of Soniterra. Spending their time amongst my other ocs, they now live amongst its denizens in secrecy, studying the world of light and sound through void-borne awe and wonder.

Powered by a zynal core, Delta is mechanically minded and quiet most of the time; tweaks to his functionality by Amyss have given him something of a sassy streak, however, and he's not afraid to giving a gentle ribbing to (or occasionally completely devastate) a poor friend with sharp remarks every once in a while.

Able to rearrange panels and parts of his body, as well as altering the shape and location of the hardlight parts of his form, Delta is capable of minor shapeshifting. He can also very precisicly manipulate tools and objects, capable of working on engineering projects at microscopic levels without any form of magnification or complex set ups with ease. Combining these skills means he is a very capable engineer, and has even rebuilt a living body into a partial cyborg to save someone's life. Though the world he now lives on seems primitive and inefficient by his standards, he does not usually feel arrogant about it; the mechanics of its tech are so different and new to him that he is ever interested in studying it.

A highly capable combatant, D-17's original purpose was to protect the outpost he and Amyss lived within from creatures of void. Energy beams firing from his hands and sharp blades forming from his body kept him and his charges safe, but the planet's end signalled an end to his guarding duties.

Ok, rambling time ;w;

I don't know exactly when I made this guy, but I remember writing about him all the way back in primary school, in blue pen on lined paper that I kept in my little organiser tray. That would be about age 6 or 7, making this guy almost twenty years old in real time ;-;

This OC is old enough to drink and vote in the uk, good fuckin lord

His origins start even earlier, in fact; he's an amalgamation of a couple of simple characters I made as a small child, including one of those 'running along the side of the road' guys you'd imagine on long car trips. Timelines and memories are fuzzy after 2 decades, but I'd imagine those guys are from at least a year or so before I squished all those ideas under one single name. So a solid 19 years, and a potential 20-21 easily :') wow.

Delta is actually old enough that I hadn't done much drawing by this point in my life, and so I mostly wrote things instead. Those old papers are around here somewhere, but design-wise he's never been truly nailed down; just a basic mental image and the odd description or two. The one exception is an old pixel art piece I made of him in mspaint, back on the Family Computer (remember those? ^^). I was a huge fan of pokémon fusions at the time, and I'd spend ages mixing up their sprites to see what I could do. Eventually I moved onto making things from scratch (scratch spriting, what a fun term), and that lead to the one and only time I've ever drawn this guy. It took way too long, it's very clunky, and I no longer have the original file :c Lost long ago in the move between computer to laptop I imagine. Instead, I managed to find it in a gloriously 240p youtube upload set to a Linkin Park song ^^ ah child me, you never left.

All the way from 2010, here's the best surviving version I could find. And yes, the youtube bar at the bottom is in the shot; you want to fight me over it, go find and screenshot it yourself :)

It's weirdly posed, has literally only 1 shade of grey + shading for colour, the design makes very little sense, especially for the chest and torso, and he looks a lot more evil than I intended. Despite a few efforts that went nowhere later in life though, I just never managed to redraw or redesign him in a way I was happy with. So for a long time, this grey pointy spriteart has been all I ever saw of Delta. Figured he was long, long, LONG overdue an update, and so here we are :)

Though he might look very different now and have actual anatomy knowledge informing his structure now, who'd have thunk? I tried very hard to keep intact the core design features that 13 year old me added in. It's the same fella after all! Here's a quick list of basic ones, since most of them are subtle but intentional after all:

-Glass/screen face with digital expression; I think taking the top off frees him up to look cleaner, but underneath was always a smooth screen. This way he can see above himself too ^^ -'Bunny ears'; little antenna/paddles that originate from the endless runner character, who was originally something of a rabbit -Shoulder-mounted boosters. Pretty self explanatory. -Upper arm loops; this one was actually a coincidence! I guess 2010 me and 2023 me both thought the upper arm needed something ^^ -Elbow plates; these were like. A big thing. Originally able to shapeshift into blades and other tools, I had to keep them in. It wouldn't be delta without them. They're just less... accidentally lethal now ^^ old design was POINTY -Split shins; the original shins have a pair of plates on them that form a sort of 'cuff' above the foot. I honoured this by making the feet the same way, the ankle connecting between the two sides. -Spikes! His hips were feeling a little.. empty? So I gave him some electromagnetic spikey blade things he can use as tools, as well as some hardlight claw hands.

[felidacy]

Because I have been sucked back into my figure skating a.k.a. Yuzuru Hanyu like every couple of weeks by now I will share a random idea I've had in my head for a while now. Secretly hoping that maybe someone writes something like that. (I could write it myself but it wouldn't feel the same.) The man has a chokehold on me for real. It doesn't help that I genuinely have been picturing Tim more than once in Yuzuru Hanyu's stead. It would even work together with his grace and because they both seem small and very lean, while having the appropriate muscles for the needed work.

Idea begins down below!

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I wanna share my random little thought of Tim after getting Bruce back from the timestream debacle he comes to a well needed realisation. After two more near death experiences, one lost organ and a struggling morales complex, Tim makes the discovery that maybe he doesn't want to live a life that is barely going forward any longer. And though he acknowledges that he deserves to be happy and have a good family and friends, he does not know how to set boundaries and what changes are needed so he doesn't feel so tired anymore.

Tam Fox, his still fake fiancée that both forgot, then comes to the rescue to talk some sense into him. She is her fathers daughter and not one to mess with. This is why she manages it that Tim actually listens to her. First of all he finishes high school, moves in with Tam (Tam was not amused when she saw how he lived. Tim has never been so terrified.) and tries to keep a healthier work-life balance.

But Tim loaths the work as CEO, because it's so monoton he has too much time to overthink and it is what Jack and Janet Drake had always wanted for him. Tim did learn by now that he was never treated like he should have been. Not by the Drakes or the Wayne's. And so the decision is made that Tim needs to get out of Gotham - far, far away to heal.

Tim is smart, but he can also be so incredibly dumb sometimes. Which is why instead of being honest with family and friends, he fakes his death while in his Red Robin disguise and after that is secured he runs away before anyone can even properly mourn him. Tim would like to clap himself on the back, the death was a 10/10 in his mind with all the dramatic flair that his family naturally possess. Tam knows the truth immediately after all she didn't find the boy all across the world for nothing and so he instead gets nagged for hours on end after some hits.

(Tam later on does apologise. She had been worried sick as she once again went after him without knowing for sure that he lived and now they were in Malaysia.)

Tam refuses to leave and after a long talk with her father she decides on staying with Tim. Tim could have left again to shake off Tam, however he had always wanted to come to his mothers hometown and he was not willing to give that up now. They take up new identities, still engaged because its easier to explain and have a new life. The regular normie life does not work out for Tim that much. In winter Tim rescues a young child that's trapped on a frozen lake where locals were ice skating and is in danger of sinking. Unable to let a innocent person die, Tim takes one of the skates and relying on his training he is able to get the child back on safe land.

He was a bit too impressive as a figure skating coach saw him and Tim promptly gets scouted by the woman. At first he doesn't want to, but she is stubborn and Tam wants him to have a great future if that is what he wants as well. In the end he gives in and the coach is delighted because she wishes to come very far with Tim so her beloved, old company can see it's glory days again.

Cut to three years later, newly 21-year-old Tim comes on on the TV in the Manor while holding a gold medal. After the ceremony a young woman runs towards Tim and only when he spins her around do the people in the living room recognise them as Tam and Tim. Who were apparently newly married as a reporter states? Tim was secretly alive in another country and became a championship winner in figure skating?

Mayhem ensues.

[handheldheaven]

On Being 25

This post is long and has also been a long time coming.

I've been running this blog since August of 2017, in the midst of an eating disorder and an abusive relationship. I was a pop punk kid looking for community. Over the next few years I fell into pseudointellectualism; I cosplayed the prestigious scholar who lived for November days and moldy book pages. I loved ancient Greek and ancient Rome and dramatic, bloody imagery. I had a few hit posts (they reached 1k notes) and I thought I found a community.

In 2021, my life took a huge turn. I was about to graduate with my bachelor's degree, my professors wanted me to enroll in a creative writing program, and I should have been happy. But I wasn't—I was stuck at home with my conservative mother who drove me up the wall with her conspiracy theories. My friends both in real life and online were distant, and I was at my loneliest. I was burnout and insignificant, and I became very, very close to k-lling myself one day. The details don't matter. All that matters is that I didn't do it, and with what I became after, there were people who thought I should have done it. This was also around the time I came to terms with the fact that I'm autistic.

Over the next several months I would abandon this blog and become a born again Christian. I also adopted my mother's conservative beliefs because I needed something to grasp. Later I would learn I was most likely going through a spiritual psychosis/personality change because of my almost-attempt. I returned to tumblr and continued posting with an adjacent, modern aesthetic, but I also brought my newfound conservative ideas. This is something that I'm still very ashamed of, because it affected people in my life who I once cherished as being my closest friends. My isolation from others permanently destroyed my friendships and how people who trusted me saw me.

I fell down another rabbithole of t3rfism around this time. In hindsight, it was most likely because of the conservatism (which I was no longer part of), the fact that I had zero female friends, and my only "friend" was a douchebag guy who only wanted to sleep with me. I never identified as a t3rf, but I did join them in questioning certain aspects of society. It was so obvious that one of my previous friends called me out on it when I tried contacting them to reconnect at the end of 2022.

I'm not writing all of this to receive pity. I'm writing this because I feel the need to atone for my past actions. I've apologized to the people who needed apologies.

I lost a lot of my traction when I returned to tumblr. I wasn't posting consistently, so I became yet another up-and-coming tumblr user who was pushed to the shadows. I see some of my mutuals and wonder what would have happened if I kept up with the academic façade and posted shitty poetry. Could I have crowdfunded a grad degree, or had readers for my poetry book?

All this is to say that I wasn't the same when I came back to tumblr. Engagement on my original postings are now zero. This blog just doesn't feel like "me", and it hasn't since 2021.

I've outgrown this blog.

My degree hasn't gotten me far. I'm not in grad school studying art history like I wanted to when I was 21. I'm not a published writer like my English professors encouraged me to be. The aesthetics of this blog are a sham and in no way reflect reality. The reality behind this tumblr user is that I'm a 25 year old woman who works customer service and who still can't afford to move out. I dropped out of grad school after like 2 weeks because it sucked. I work full time, so I can't afford to study forgotten religions or 9th century theater or whatever the fuck the posters from the 'golden era' are doing off their parents' dime.

I've been developing my interests organically without people on the internet swaying my opinions. I'm not trying my hardest to live up to a certain aesthetic and making myself miserable in the process. I reached an age that the original creator of this blog in 2017 thought she'd never see. I feel better about picking up the pieces of my life now that I'm not using 25 as my deadline.

I'm not done with tumblr forever. I may remake my blog one day—a blog that isn't a time capsule of some of my worst developmental years. For now this is goodbye.

[rotgospels]

hello! i hope it’s okay for me to ask this— no need to reply if it’s too personal or just a waste of breath.

i was wondering if you wouldn’t mind sharing when and how you realized you wanted to pursue religion? i’m 21 and i grew up catholic, though most of my knowledge/memories on it has been blocked out bc it was during a rough patch of life. even though, i still find catholicism to be very interesting— not exactly healing (yet?) but something i want to learn more about— and there are multiple times when i want to call it quits on everything else and become a nun. i know this isn’t enough reason to want to devote myself to a religion i once stubbornly opposed. but as i grow older, i recognize i just needed something to blame, so i chose god. now, the want to call it quits and join a monastery is not unending, but definitely repetitive.

also, i saw a previous anon mentioning they were a lesbian leftist and how becoming a nun would make sense. i know it’s ignorant of me to ask, but would you please explain the relationship between nunnery and leftist beliefs alongside queer identity? no worries if that’s too much to do.

i apologize for all the questions— i’m just really curious and would love to learn from someone with experience. your intelligence is evident and i hope to be as determined as you once i return to college! thanks so much!

Hello - asks like this are always okay!

It took a couple years for me to realise. I come from a family with negative experiences and preconceptions about Christianity so I resisted the pull I felt from age 18-20. I didn't have any clear moment of realisation, just a slow and steady movement towards Christ. I think God knew I needed to take it all at a snail's pace so He guided me towards different places, people, opportunities and experiences which continually revealed His presence in my life over time. A big part of this was finding the right church which accepted me as I was, who allowed me to serve and be part of their community despite - at that point - not identifying as a Christian at all.

If you feel a draw towards Catholicism and monastic life definitely listen to that; even if you think it comes from a place of 'escape'. I've met a few nuns over the years and they've always been women who have, in some sense, retreated, but are more connected to the heart of the world than anyone else I've ever come across. I'd say this is where any 'leftist' ideas comes from - as each nun lives in a local and global community together with other sisters (their networks are found all over the world). The last nun I met was a Franciscan who was extremely political due to work she'd done in the Middle East. She shared about what she'd seen and how this had radicalised and challenged her. So despite living in a convent/monastery, most nuns are active in society and abroad depending on their vocational calling.

There's actually a great book of personal accounts called "lesbian nuns: breaking silence" which outlines in its introduction the common conception that all nuns are lesbians. The authors tell us that this is because both groups fall outside of norms in similar ways (women who live and move through the world together essentially uninterested in males).

I really recommend reaching out to different orders which interest you, even if you're not ready to dive into Catholicism again just yet. I have a friend who is currently discerning the call towards this same thing, and she's been meeting up with a nun who is acting as a mentor/spiritual director for her so she can learn more as she works it out.

I hope some of this helps - there's never a rush when it comes to this kind of thing. Take your time in exploring x

[stellarvisionary]

In which I ramble about a formative part of my early life...

When I was a young man (early twenties, specifically) I spent a period of about 8 months living completely on my own in an apartment. Prior to that, I'd lived for 4 months with an Aunt of mine, who psychologically abused me under the guise of educating me on the ways of adulthood (she felt that my parents had done an inadequate job of preparing me for the "real world"), and she nearly drove me to suicide.

Anyway, the 8 months that followed were some of the most eye-opening of my life. I didn't do very well on my own, as I was still grieving my dad and didn't truly know what I was doing, but I learned a lot about myself. I also spent way more money on stupid stuff than I should have, mostly because I hadn't learned how to properly budget money.

It was during that period of my life where I properly entered my goth phase, developed my taste in music and fiction and such, and started to really know myself. I spent a fair amount of money on books, getting into Harry Potter, and The Vampire Chronicles, as well as the works of Jhonen Vasquez (the creator of Invader Zim, I Feel Sick, and Johnny the Homicidal Maniac).

After I self-destructed while living alone, I was moved in with my sister and her now ex-husband. I don't remember exactly what happened, but I did something wrong that prompted my sister and her husband to take away all things that they deemed to be a bad influence on me (mind you, I'm 21-22 years old at this time), which meant that they took almost all of my novels and comic books, and various other things away from me, and kept them from me for several months, before ultimately throwing away several hundred dollars worth of my property.

I'm still pissed off about it to this day. My mom and my sister have been playing brother's keeper with me for the better part of 23 years, and neither of them really knows me at all, has never made any real effort to get to know me as I am, preferring their own idea of me.

My mom knows better than to punish me like a child, but that hasn't stopped her from treating me like one, even though I'm mature enough to see it for what it is.

I'm just...so fucking tired of my life not being in my own control. I know I've posted about this many times before, but it never stops being relevant.

[sophielmuir]

I've been listening to The Secret History on Spotify recently. I read this book about 3 years ago and it's been one of my favourite stories ever since. I used to lust after the intellect, the isolation, the mystery of the 6 main characters. I was envious of Richard's ability to spend winter all alone, to turn down invitations to dinner parties. I desired to be as intimidatingly removed from the modern world as Henry. I wanted to be as angelic as Camilla.

This was one of those books that fuelled my venture into adulthood, even though I read it when I was 21. It reminded me of the story I would tell myself as a young teenager, desperate to move on from my life as I knew it. Desperate to live in the fantasy of my adulthood. I thought I'd build my academic capacity so large that it would hide me from anything and everything. I thought I could live in a castle of books and papers and never have to deal with any of the common issues of life, for I was not at all common - I was special and different. I so badly wanted to be isolated from those around me, physically and emotionally, because that was how I felt safe. That was the fantasy that kept me afloat.

Now I know that this is a sad fact about my life. I believed that the only way I could find safety would be to retreat from others and the world around me. I believed I was not good enough to show up as I was, to be accepted as I was.

Now when I listen to The Secret History, I hear it for what it is - fantasy. No longer is Richard Papen a character I attempt to emulate. Instead, I feel sadness and mirth towards the idea that a life lived as such could lead the way to happiness.

This is one of the changes in myself that signal to me that I am growing up. I know now that solitude and camaraderie can co-exist. I can be a person amongst people, I can show up with all my flaws, and I can allow myself to enjoy the company of others. And it doesn't make me any less worthy of love, of respect, or of safety.

I still rate The Secret History highly and it is a story I will keep on my bookshelf forever.

[sweetpyxels]

@cantseemtohide tagged me, thank you ♥

sims tag

1. What’s your favourite sims death? Death by rabbits : )

2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match? Maxis mix.

3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight? Sometimes , usually I just force them to gym though or they stay as they are.

4. Do you use move objects? Always

5. Favorite mod? Ui cheats, MCCC, Lumpinou's mods, Adeepindigos mods, Missy -Hissy, Kuttoe and many many others

6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got?Hmm..i have no idea what ever came first since I have them all.

7. Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing? Never thought of it really. I say "Byu mode " and "Live mode"

8. Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? Narya

9. Have you made a simself? Yep.

10. What sim traits do you give yourself? bookworm, socially awkard, romantic

11. Which is your favorite EA hair color? red

12. Favorite EA hair? short/mid length and curly

13. Favorite life stage? young adults and elders

14. Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? more gameplay, sometimes I build

15. Are you a CC creator? Apart form some very simple things, nope.

16. Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad? all me lovely mutuals ♥ and my best friend @schrullesworld

17. What’s your favorite game? (1, 2, 3, or 4) all of them

18. Do you have any sims merch? one keychain.

19. Do you have a YouTube for sims? yep.

20. How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing?  i think i've always made like cutesy sims

21. What’s your Origin ID? vuppiih

22. Who’s your favorite CC creator? ice-cream-for-breakfast, kiwis4, peacemakeric, oydis, rusty, joliesims and many many others

23. How long have you had a simblr? since 2011

24. How do you edit your pictures? With gshade and simple action i've made myself, then plop them to befunky and write text if needed.

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next? FAIRIES !!!

26. What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far? Realm of Magic, Seasons, University, Country living and Eco living

I tag: @akitasimblr @schrullesworld @kissalopa @memoirsofasim @treason-and-plot

As always feel free to ignore if you already did this/prefer not to 😊

[simm-mouse]

Thank you for @juliabachelor tagging me^^

1. What's your favorite sims death?- I like the death by ranting in The Sims 3. I find it funny that Grim is pissed off about sims talking shit about em, and makes them die and come back to life as a warning. If you do it again within 12 hours or a day he will take the sim's soul. My guy can't handle criticism. Imagine dying because you talked shit about the reaper

2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match?- I like both. At first I started with Alpha CC, but then I've been leaning more into Maxis match side of CC

3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight?- Nope, I believe in putting in the work to getting the body you want

4. Do you use move objects?- Yep, never not used it

5. Favorite Mod?- I like any mods that give the game more realistic feeling. I like pregnancy mods so there's more to the pregnancy like ultrasound. I also like mods where they have story progression with Sims that you are not playing so there's stuff for them to do

6. First game/expansion/stuff pack you own?- So I'm going to be a little extra rn, and talk about which pack I got for each game in the first ever game I got in the series. I was renting the console versions before I got my hands on one of the pc versions (Back then my family was more into consoles). The first ever game i got in the series was the Sims 2 for PS2. As for the main series on pc, I got the Sims 3. For 3, I actually got two packs at the same time. I got the Sims 3 supernatural and pets for christmas. A couple years later my grandma got me the Sims, and all it's packs from either a yard sale or thrift store. I think the first one I downloaded onto my computer was livin large. A year or two later I got the Sims 4 and for that one, I got one of those bundles for discs. It was the spa day and perfect patio bundle. Lastly, when I got the Sims 2, I think for that one I got freetime first

7. Do you pronounce live mode aLIVE or LIVing?- Just aLIVE

8. Who's your favorite sim that you've made?- I think One of them was named Miyah Bloodbore. She's a half human half vampire sim that tries to control her urges to bite sims. I'll draw her sometime in the future

9. Have you made a simself before?- I used to back when I was a fetus, but now I cringe at the idea of making myself in anything

10. What sim traits do you give yourself?- The ones I'd have now would be Socially awkward, Neurotic, Artistic, Brooding, and Clumsy

11. Which one is your favorite EA hair color?- I don't have a favorite

12. Favorite EA hair?- I don't have a favorite for this one either

13. Favorite life stage?- Adult

14. Are you a builder, or are you into the gameplay?- I'm both. When I started playing the game, I was more into gameplay. Over the years I have gone into building. But sometimes it does depend on the mood I'm in, Sometimes I'd rather build a house then play the game lol

15. Are you a CC creator?- Nope, but it would be cool to try through

16. Do you have any sim friends or a sim squad? I think everyone here in the Sims community is lovely and I would love to be pals with y'all. I do have real life friends that also enjoy the series

17. What's your favorite game out of the series?- this might be a little surprising considering I never really talk about this one, but my favorite one out of the main four is Sims 3. Sims 2 is fun to play, but Sims 3 gives me so much nostalgia. I played that one the most out of all four, yeah it's not perfect but I still enjoy playing the game. Also the color wheel, and open world, how I miss it

18. Do you have any sims merch?- Nope, but I would like to make some since I made a Tycho charm several months ago

19. Do you have a youtube channel for sims?- Nope, but I used to watch a lot of Sims gameplay

20. Who's your favorite CC creator?- I have so many favorites I can't pick just one! One of the creators I get CC from the most is RavenSim

21. How has your sim style changed throughout the years?- It has changed a lot. I used to be those summers that would make the perfect life for sims. But now whatever happens, happens and I just roll with it

22. What's your Origin/EA ID?- Hilmouse08

23. How long have you had a simblr?- I've had this account for several years. Since becoming a simblr, it's been several months

24. How do you edit your photos?- I use photoshop, for lately I've been wanting to try reshades

25. What expansion do you want next?- I want that damn horse pack, or maybe something with fairies. Also maybe not a new pack, but fix or add more to packs that already exist like they did for spa day

Again, I'm very bad with tagging people. I really don't know who to tag. So if you're reading this and have not done this yet, you have been tagged 🫵