#idc about losing followers what i am trying to say is something is very off bc on days where i don't rb much about palestine my activity

[ruhlare]

every time i post about palestine my activity on my other posts also declines and i lose around 10 followers + why is free palestine not trending anymore :)

[wishingtobeinadifferentuniverse]

Spoiled Goods (Eomer x Fem!reader)

Word Count: 2181

Warnings: Dark, mentions of sex, bruises, etc. Not a wholesome story that's for sure. I'd rate it PG-13, so please don't read it if it makes you uncomfy, and if you do, well don't say I didn't warn you

Summary: Basically you get used by Wormtongue (Eugh) to keep Eowyn and Eomer safe, and then try and hide it from them. Don't ask how I got such a twisted idea, because IDK

A/N NOT IN THE BOOK OR MOVIES BUT IDC I GOT THE IDEA SO SUCK IT UP

The light shone in my face, piercing through my eyelids. I felt sore all over. And then I heard it. Harsh breathing next to me. Then I remembered what had taken place the night before. What I had sacrificed. But what I had saved. I opened my eyes, and slowly, carefully, got out of the bed. Wormtongue was still asleep thankfully, so I did not have to deal with him at the moment. I picked up my nightgown, putting it on as quietly as possible. Then I grabbed my slippers and slowly opened the door. I heard a bit of stirring, but then the snoring resumed. Once I was in the hallway, I ran as fast as I could, away from that room.

Turning around a corner, I slammed into someone. We both fell to the ground, and when I offered a hand to help the other up, I realized who it was.

"Eowyn, why are you awake this early?" I questioned.

She smiled gently, "I woke up earlier than normal, and I wanted to start some of my work early. Why are you up and walking around in your nightwear? Is everything alright?"

I faked a smile. "Yes Wyn, everything is fine. Well, I will be heading back to my room now!"

I tried to step around her but she blocked me. "Y/n, what is wrong? Your dress is all buttoned wrong, and you aren't even walking from your room. Remember, I know you better than anyone, so stop lying to me."

I faltered. Should I tell her? Should I tell her what I did? Why I did it? No, it would only hurt her. I smiled weakly again. "Wyn, I am fine. Now please let me go to my room." She relented and let me pass her. But she followed me down the hall and into my room. I should have known nothing would stop her from poking in my business. But at the moment, I could care less. I was exhausted, my body hurt, and I just wanted to cry.

We walked into my room and she went straight into the bathroom, where there was already water in the bath, probably meant to be used last night. She dipped her hand in it, testing the temperature.

"Why is there still water in your bath y/n? It was a hot night, so it is at a comfortable temperature. Please do not lie to me. You know how I feel about it." Eowyn said.

I stuttered. "I-I-I don't want to say. You would be disgusted with me. I am already disgusted with myself. "

She countered, "It can't possibly be that bad. You have always been a bit on the dramatic side. Please just tell me."

I could hardly utter the words to myself, much less to her. She would hate me. So I began to unbutton my nightgown. I would not tell her, but I could show her. She gasped when she saw the bruises on my chest, my arms, my thighs. I lowered my head in shame. It looked horrible, to begin with, but it would be even worse when she learned why I had said yes, why I had let him use me.

"What happened?" Eowyn said faintly. She helped me into the bath and then sat next to it, waiting for me to continue.

"W-Wormtongue. He was going to have you and Eomer killed." I was trying to hide the fear, and how mad I was at myself. My eyes began to betray me, welling up slightly.

Eowyn's eyes widened with shock. "That, that horrible!" She could not even finish her sentence, her words distorting with her fury. Her cheeks reddened, clearly enraged. "How dare he even touch you without your permission! I should personally kill him myself! And Eomer helping me! No one is ever allowed to do this to you."

I lowered my eyes, feeling guilt spread through me. "Wyn...he had my permission," I mumbled, not daring to look at her. "But I had to, I could never lose you, or Eomer for that matter."

I heard her shift slightly, her skirts rustling against the floor. "Y/n," she said softly. "I am so sorry that this happened to you. But I do have a question. Why would he have threatened Eomer as well as me? You are not as close, and he has a more fighting chance against him."

I grew even more embarrassed, hardly speaking above a whisper. "Well, originally, it was only you. But last night, I was trying to get my mind off of what he was doing to me, and, well..." I trailed off.

"Well, what?" Eowyn prodded. "Nothing you say will change how I think of you. I don't want to pressure you, and I know talking will help. Please continue."

Still refusing to meet her eyes, I continued. "Wormtongue told me if I was to speak, I was only to say his name. But I got caught in the moment, trying to think of anything else, and said someone else's name instead."

Eowyn sighed in understanding. "So he added Eomer to the list. I see." She put a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Y/n, why didn't you say anything before?"

"I was too ashamed to admit that I had submitted myself to that. It was only a one night deal, but I feel horrible and gross. I feel like spoiled goods, that nobody would want," I responded, finally gaining the courage to look back at her.

She smiled reassuringly. "Well, that is certainly a rotten situation to be in, but I wasn't exactly referring to that. I was talking about Eomer. I presume you have feelings for him. How I did not see this before, I do not know."

I looked down again. "Oh, that. Well, I guess so, but I didn't want to say anything, for fear of ruining a good friendship."

She nodded slowly. "Well, I think I will give you some peace, so please, wash up, and get ready for the day." She started walking out of the room before calling back, "Y/n? I do not think a relationship would be ruined if you were to say something."

Before I could respond, she shut the door, letting me be. I decided not to ponder her words, and just relax in the lukewarm water. I closed my eyes to block the sunlight out. What would Eomer think of me if he heard what I did? I am now spoiled goods. No one will want me after this. No one would want a wife who has been with someone else. I hate myself. How could I do this? No, I knew why I did this. It was worth it. Saving their lives was more important. I began to get out of the bath. I had to face the day  eventually.

As I pulled on my undergarments, I began to notice how dark some of the bruises were getting. My hips were the worst. They were covered with black and blue. Even the ones on my arms were becoming more visible. This was not good, not good at all. I pulled on my dress and darted to Eowyn's room, quickly knocking and entering without waiting. Unfortunately, someone else was there with her, hurriedly speaking.

"Eomer," I breathed, "May I speak with your sister? Alone."

He raised an eyebrow, but nodded, beginning to leave the room. But then he stopped short when he saw my arms. He looked at me with alarm in his eyes but continued to walk out the door. I hardly dared to move, or speak, until I heard the door close behind me.

"Eowyn, I need something to cover my arms better than the dress, it is too pale and you can see the bruises underneath. Do you have anything I might be able to borrow?" I spoke hurriedly, trying to get out of there before Eomer could come back. She nodded, understanding my urgency, and reached into her closet, ruffling through some stuff.

"Here this might work," She suggested, handing me a black, knit-shawl. "I know it is a bit warmer, but it is lightweight. Why are you in such a hurry to leave? If it is because of Eomer, which I am guessing it is, just talk to him. Or at least try. He cares about you a lot too."

I shook my head. "No, it was difficult to tell even you, and besides, caring about someone is different than what I feel for him. I need to go start my duties anyways." I curtsied and headed towards the door. I started down the hall, turning a corner and running into Eomer.

"I really need to check around the corners more often," I grumbled. He chuckled softly.

"How are you doing this lovely morn?" Eomer questioned gently.

I responded quickly. "I am doing just fine. Now if I may," I tried to sidestep around him, determined to leave a difficult conversation before it started. But he grabbed my wrists pulling me back and making me wince. He put my hand in his, showcasing the slight bruising on my wrists. Damn, I should have covered those up. He looked back at me, his eyes darkening.

Very quietly, but laced with danger, he said, "Who did this to you?"

I refused to look at him, slowly pulling my hands out of his grasp. He then began pulling the shawl to the side, gasping softly when he saw the bruises on my arm. He ran his fingers over them, slowly, tenderly. Then he took his other hand, lifting my chin, making me look at him. His eyes pierced mine, and again my eyes betrayed me, beginning to tear up a bit. He withdrew his hand quickly, thinking it was his fault.

"No, you are fine," I whispered. "And I-" My voice broke, I could not admit this to him. I could not tell him what I did. He would be disgusted with me.

"Y/n," his voice was deeper and gravelly, "You can trust me with anything."

I tried turning away again, but he stopped me. "Trust me," He pleaded.

I spoke quietly. "Grima was threatening to kill you and Wyn. I begged him not to, but he only had one way, one thing he wanted me to do in order to never hurt you again. I had no choice, but I hate myself because I let him. But now it is over for me. I am only spoiled goods, no one will ever want me as a wife. So there you go, that is why I was up so early, why I am covered in bruises." This time it was Eomer who turned away, his jaw clenching, his hand turning into a fist.

Then he turned back to me, softly cupping my cheek. "I will kill Wormtongue for even touching you, even if you said yes, he still took advantage of you. Y/n, you will never be spoiled goods, not to me." A tear ran down my face, after all the confessing, I was done, done with everything.

But suddenly I became aware of how little space there was between us, how I was backed against a wall, and how heightened my senses were. He brushed the tear away, his hand a bit calloused. He looked into my eyes, and suddenly I realized what he was looking for, what he was silently waiting for. I nodded, and then he pressed his lips against mine, slowly moving them. I reached my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me, our bodies pressed together. This was amazing and completely different from what had happened the night before. (This had ya girl turned on af) He moved his hands to the small of my back, pulling me even closer to him.

After several glorious minutes, I was the first to pull away but kept my forehead pressed to his. "How long have you felt this way?" I breathed, barely able to contain the joy I felt.

"Many, many years. I was too afraid to say anything."

"Too afraid?" I teased, "Now that is truly surprising."

He laughed, one of my favorite sounds, before pressing a kiss against my forehead. "My dear, please know that you are worth so much, and that, as I said before, you are not spoiled goods. Please, may I have the honor to court you?"

I smiled even wider. "Of course my lord." He picked up my hand, kissing it gently. "I do need you to do something for me," I said, my mood darkening a bit. "No one else must hear of this, for fear that Wormtongue might hear of it. I do not want to know what he might do if he were to hear of it."

Eomer nodded solemnly. "Anything for you, My Lady," he responded.

And so the days passed. Stolen kisses in the dark, going for walks when no one could see, hiding in plain sight. I could still sometimes feel the ghost of hands on me, but that moved on eventually. And soon enough, it was Eomer, only Eomer, and it was pure bliss. Enemies came and went, threats taken down. And I stayed by his side, as he stayed by mine.

[kitkatopinions]

I’m probably over thinking/over complicating things but Ironwood and Penny have been really bothering me. It because prior to the moment that destroyed Penny’s arc the show and Ruby were really pushing that Penny not matter her body was human and that’s a very positive I like that especially when it comes to characters of Penny’s nature.

So my problem kicks in when I think of Ironwood. Namely this part in his song:

“What if it's true as they say

That I don't have a heart

That I'm more a machine than a man?”

Like wtf. I mean I “get it” especially with that dumbass line of Winter. But when it’s talked about Ironwood it was always in reference to the fact that his body is half robotic and there for we are meant to see the correlation between his body and his character.?

Put next to Penny’s message that really bothers me. Even more so since Penny gets a “reward” of becoming human, but the writers push that Ironwood sacrificing his arm to stop Watts and replacing it (a medical decision that could be debated given that he wanted to be up and able immediately to handle things not to mention that fact that nerves and muscle are severely fucked up) with a new (uncharacteristically uncovered) prosthetic means that he’s moving away from humanity. This thought has been driving nuts for a week.

I don’t think you’re overthinking at all. The writers have been pretty blatant about what they think of disabled people.

On the topic of James, 1. They wrote their triple amputee character to be coded as losing his humanity. This is suspect from the get go, but writers imo need to be especially careful and sensitive when they display things like villains with prosthetics. CRWBY is not careful and sensitive. 2. They specifically connected the loss of his limb to the loss of his humanity outside of the show, and as you said, his new prosthetic is uncharacteristically uncovered as well, and there were some pointed shots showcasing his arm and emphasizing it before showing Ironwood doing something wrong as well as a shot that particularly bothered me of them having James fall to Winter when his aura broke and then them immediately flashing to a fallen, broken robotic soldier. Tying the loss of someone’s humanity to them losing a limb / gaining a prosthetic in any way is wrong imo. There are better ways to display someone’s loss of humanity than villainizing the loss of his arm, and I don’t care what justifications people have for ‘they just meant to say that he was too impatient to-’ Idc. Tying the loss of humanity to the gaining of a prosthetic is wrong. 3. They never once treated Ironwood’s clear PTSD, history of mental health problems, and trauma with any sympathy, instead spending their time ragging on him for not wanting to feel his pain anymore and condemning him for... Trying to control his emotions. 4. CRWBY also gave him a semblance and explained how it worked by saying he hyper focused, talking about how James’ passive semblance that he can’t control forces him to focus on one single goal and fixate. I’m not disabled, but I do hyper fixate. It’s not something I can control, and to see it used as a justification for evil (in one of my favorite characters in the series who reminded me of my father lol) and being treated as something bad... It doesn’t feel good. I can’t imagine how other people must feel who are much more affected by this than I am. 5. As you say, the writers go out of their way to reference his metal body as being more ‘machine than man’ and make lines about him being heartless. And yeah, I get that he’s an allegory for the ‘Tin Man’ from Wizard of Oz but ffs the Tin Man had always had a heart and I honestly thought that was what they were going for in V3 with Qrow commenting that sometimes he thought James didn’t have a heart and the audience seeing Ironwood’s actions as questionable, only for the entire show to tell us repeatedly that he actually is a caring and good person who’s willing to destroy all the forces he was proud to show off if it means saving lives and was actually pretty freaking blameless in the Fall of Beacon and was super kind to the kids and when the chips were down, Qrow and Glynda both absolutely knew without even questioning that James would never ever willingly hurt the world or fully betray them and had absolutely no hand in the Beacon attack. Like, I’m sorry, but between Penny and Ironwood, season eight is the season of taking well done character allusions and throwing them out the window for the exact opposite moral done incredibly poorly. And anyway, getting off of that rant, making a ‘more machine than man’ sentiment tied around a triple amputee character is incredibly harmful and hurtful to people with disabilities and only propagates the real world stereotypes against people like James.

So, yes, their treatment of Ironwood, his mental health, and specifically his disabilities was so badly done, harmful, incredibly insensitive, and frankly, appalling that it came from grown adult writers in 2019-2021! But, as you point out, it’s not just Ironwood. And here’s where things really get bad for CRWBY. Because Ironwood alone is enough for me to say they were ableist - unintentionally or otherwise - and ought to apologize for the hurt they’ve caused their fans. But when you get into the rest of their treatment of characters with metal prosthetics or non-flesh elements to their body, it becomes a pattern.

Penny’s entire body is removed from her on threat of death, with the justification that it’s hurting her and that her body is just a machine and not part of who she is, contradicting Penny’s earlier themes of self-acceptance and validating her humanity in the body she already had. She then dies by assisted suicide in a way that feels unneeded, after having asked to be killed earlier in the narrative. So many people have talked about how destructive her story became in V8 and how it personally hurt them, especially non-binary people, trans people, autistic people, or disabled people who saw themselves in Penny or saw in her arc something that they could relate to, only to have Penny’s differences stripped away from her, having her conform to normal body standards and have her previous body type invalidated by her friends, and then they had her killed via assisted suicide in an unbelievable way, insisting as well that she never made a choice before she was a flesh-person and couldn’t feel things right. It’s all horribly done, but it’s important to remember that while Ironwood is accused of losing his humanity as he loses a third limb and gets a third prosthetic, Penny’s earlier validation is taken away and is instead only granted and she is only justified as a person when she loses all her ‘nuts and bolts’ and becomes a flesh person. And then she’s killed anyway.

Yang’s prosthetic is the least ill handled, but it is still dismissed as ‘just extra’ despite her former fairly strong arc of coming to terms with her disability and making it a part of her. She casually justifies what’s happening with Penny despite Penny not being in a position of adequate consent. Yang’s trauma and PTSD also vanished when Adam died at the end of season six and in my opinion, that situation was handled very badly.

Maria and Pietro, two other disabled characters, disappeared, left when Amity fell and were not even mentioned iirc since. Not even when Penny is awake, not even when they’re evacuating, not even when Penny is choosing to die. She never brings up her father. And Ruby’s supposed ‘mentor’ who never had an actual narrative role that couldn’t have been filled by Qrow and has had nothing to do since season six even past that is also forgotten out in the tundra and not mentioned again.

The writers go out of their way to have Winter say that because she was just following orders (a statement that contradicts her previous character imo) and pushing down her emotions, she was the real machine, whereas Penny had been human underneath her apparently easily tossed aside and destructive previous metal body.  And I don’t know if this means anything, but in that scene where she and Penny meet when Penny is dying and transferring the maiden powers to Winter, Winter is in her V7 character design, instead of wearing her assistive brace. Like I said, I don’t know if I’m reading into that, but with everything else, it feels like an iffy choice.

So yeah. In the past season CRWBY specifically cultivated a pattern of disrespect, dismissal, and villainization of any non-flesh attributes in my opinion. It seems pretty intentional and clear to me, but I’m willing to accept that maybe this was just a wildly bad uneducated mistake. Here’s the thing about that, though, after the Faunus/Racism allegory, the CRWBY writers should’ve learned their lesson and not touched on any real world topics that they weren’t willing to do the research on and treat with the sensitivity and care and respect the topics needed. Their Faunus/Racism allegory was harmful and hurtful and frankly could’ve sunk them in the water, they should’ve learned to put much more care and effort into their work or stayed the hell away from anything that could further spread the negative stereotypes surrounding real world people. But they didn’t learn their lesson and they’ve continued to push harmful narratives with no awareness or sensitivity. I don’t think you’re over-reacting at all, I think this is something that - intentionally written or otherwise - the writers should be called out on, or they’re just going to continue writing harmful narratives.

Also, I am not disabled, many of my opinions on the treatment of these characters comes from posts I’ve seen from many disabled or neurodivergent RWBY fans (or former RWBY fans,) or other people more affected by these narratives - minus the thing I said about Winter appearing without her brace when she talks to Penny, as it was something I just noticed while typing out this post. Since I’m not disabled, I’m not the best person to talk about these things, so if I got anything wrong in this, anyone more affected, please know you can let me know and I can edit and fix.

[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

Head Case (S2, E6)

My time-stamped thoughts for this episode. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:03 - This clip of Malcolm in the car is from the pilot episode. I was so betrayed by this clip. Full disclosure - I’ve always had a thing for Malcolm’s jacket from the pilot episode. I just love it and I think Tom Payne looks cute in it. BUT - I was betrayed because Malcolm isn’t wearing my favourite jacket in the next scene (I was disappointed but not surprised). Rant about wardrobe over. 

0:20 - This is weird to me. In the clip right before this, when Malcolm was coming to Claremont (wearing the awesome jacket) - Malcolm is clearly in emotional distress. He’s not in a good mood. BUT right here, when Malcolm is chatting with Mr. David he seems like he’s in a good mood. Not one of his manic good moods - just a regular good one.

0:32 - Anyone else notice how visibly uncomfortable Jessica AND Malcolm are? This whole Ainsley situation is literally going to destroy them both. :(

0:34 - sooooo Mr. David knows by now right? He has to? ALSO when the European FBI guy shows up in a few episodes this is going to be bad for Malcolm and Jessica right? The FBI guy will probs talk to Mr. David who will be like - oh yeah, they’ve had more ‘family meetings’ in the past 6 months than in the past 20 years. 

1:22 - Sooooo this whole family honestly thinks Ainsley’s going to become a serial killer. From the tidbits of her childhood that we’ve seen, the way she treated Malcolm in Q&A, and generally how she acts when she wants to get a story - I’m not surprised. Read my thoughts on older episodes (1x7, 1x20, 2x5), I’ve always thought Ainsley was a sociopath or psychopath. The girl doesn’t show a lot of moral backbone or sympathy for anyone. 

1:33 - Wait. Does this montage of Malcolm’s erratic behaviour mean that Malcolm killed someone as a kid? And doesn’t know it? Or is this just a reference to the whole ‘girl in the box’ trauma arc from last season?

1:44 - “I wish I didn’t know that you were a killer.” Anyone else get major flashbacks to the movie Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause? “I wish I had never become Santa at all” then we get an AU for 40 mins? Just me? Cool - excuse my bad taste in Christmas movies. 

1:50 - hahaha Martin is so bitter.

2:25 - You know, as much as I love to hate Martin - he has a point. Malcolm loved his Dad (still does whether he wants to admit it or not) in 98′ - why is Malcolm chill with Ainsley killing but not Martin? Is it because with Martin, he found a poor girl tortured in a box but with Ainsley he saw her kill a man that was threatening their family? Or was it because Martin tried to kill Malcolm but Ainsley hasn’t (yet?) **honestly - that would be such an interesting episode - if Ainsley tries to kill Malcolm**

2:33 - THANK YOU. Someone finally thanks Malcolm for trying to protect Ainsley (and in extension Jessica) from the emotional trauma he’s been dealing with since the age of 10. EVEN THOUGH PROTECTING THEM IS MAKING HIS MENTAL STATE WORSE. Seriously - Malcolm is going to snap soon I honestly won’t be surprised if we get some suicidal ideation from him this season (especially if things don’t improve). Look at those big sad puppy dog eyes when Jess thanks him.

2:38 - hahahaha that side-eyed glare directed at Martin. 

2:53 - I know Jessica had good intentions here - she’s trying to protect both of her children but honestly, this whole interaction was probably super upsetting for Malcolm. Think about it - BOTH of his parents haven’t tried to have a serious discussion with him at the same time since he was at 10 years old or younger. This interaction is probably bringing up some memories for Malcolm and making him grieve for the childhood he lost all over again. 

3:06 - “You’re gross.” followed by a very regal wave at Mr. David. YES. Queen Jessica. <3

3:25 - Malcolm startling JT is pretty freaking cute. Look at how JT’s expression immediately changes from startled to concerned. I don’t blame him. Malcolm gives off major manic energy in this scene. The visit with the parents did not leave him in a good place. Also - Malcolm straight up admitted that he’s had a ‘rough morning’ this boy almost never tells the truth when he’s struggling. He’s fine. He’s always fine. 

3:30 - “Rough month.” IS THIS IT? IS THIS ALL I’M GOING TO GET? JT had a baby THREE EPISODES AGO. ‘rough month’ is a reference to the fact that he’s a new dad and he’s struggling with lack of sleep, leaving Tally alone with the baby while he’s a work, being a good husband, adjusting to dad life, ect. RIGHT?!? We’ve literally had no mention of the baby since 2x3 and I’m losing my mind. I just want someone to say, “Hey JT, how’s the baby?” that’s it. I want 5 seconds of dialogue. Just an acknowledgment that the child exists. 

3:54 - “Sooo bring me up to speed.” OMG. That smile is both extremely manic and completely adorable. Seriously - why is no one on the team more concerned about Malcolm during this episode? AND WHERE THE EFF IS EDRISA IN THIS SCENE?!? We’ve been robbed. 

4:21 - “What? I liked math class.” OMG. JT is a closet math nerd. You can’t take this headcanon away from me. 

4:24 - hahahaha look at Malcolm absorbing the new information about JT. He’s like.....yes. I will keep that information for later. Very good. Will pry further. 

5:04 - I love Dani. She’s perfect. She can see that Malcolm just checked out into his own horror of a memory. So she gently teases him to bring him back to reality. <3 This is true friendship. <3

6:00 - Was I the only one who thought it was weird that Gil asked Malcolm to help with the canvasing? Like - doesn’t Malcolm always help? Isn’t that part of what he does to build his profile?

6:12 - “KGB agent” Yes. Malcolm is still annoyed that Ainsley was so competitive about a literal murder last episode. I promise you. Ainsley’s probably still annoyed too. 

6:26 - This is why Malcolm is considering telling Ainsley the truth. He’s already losing her. May as well rip off the band-aid. She might not react as badly finding out from him as she would finding out by herself.

6:51 - “That is my vagina.” hahahahaha OMG. As a woman I must say: HOW?!?! As someone who adores JT:  hahahahahahahaha OMG. 

7:23 - “You’re getting a lot of mileage out of that tidbit”. lol. JT gently teasing Malcolm is one of my favourite things. Hands down. Especially since they’ve reached a point in their friendship where Malcolm doesn’t seem scared or offended when JT makes fun of him. They’re acting like brothers and I LOVE IT. <3

7:25 - “That’s the tip of the iceberg my man.” I have no idea why I am so amused by someone calling Malcolm “my man” but I am. 

7:36 - “The Bowery Ripper” hahaha the look that JT and Dani exchange when Malcolm starts nerding out.

8:00 - Wendell is kind of creepy. But like a weird, non-threatening creepy?

8:22 - OMG. JT let the vagina sculpture go. hahaha Look at how grossed out Dani is hahahaha she’s like, “Ugh. Men are gross.”

8:30 - This is why I love JT. He knows that that elevator is sketchy as hell. Plus it’s some (less than subtle) foreshadowing for what’s to come in this episode. 

8:41 - How did Dani find out he was at Claremont?! Does Mr. David call Gil every time Malcolm visits?!? ......this is my new headcanon. You will have to pry it from my cold dead hands. 

9:00 - This is a really cute moment between Dani and Malcolm. Regardless of whether or not you ship Brightwell - it’s really sweet to see Malcolm interacting so honestly with someone. He’s telling Dani the truth about something and she’s not making him feel bad about how messed up his family is or how weird his situation is. She just listens and teases him to make him smile. That is a good friend. IDC how you feel about Brightwell - right now - this is a GOOD FRIEND moment and Malcolm deserves more of them. 

9:10 - Annnnnnndddd this is why Brightwell shouldn’t happen (right now). Dani is still hurt that Malcolm doesn’t trust her enough to tell her everything. She still doesn’t completely trust him after what happened last season. A romantic relationship without 100% trust will fail. End of story. They’re great friends but right now they can’t be in a romantic relationship. It’ll end poorly. (Damn, I hope Brightwell is endgame though).

9:38 - hahaha Greta Swan is a perfect comedic relief for the Dani/Malcolm tension we just witnessed. This girl is a little nuts and a lot funny. 

10:00 - “Dad’s lived here his whole life” - wow. The writers really left us some big bread crumbs. We go from the scene where someone mentions a serial killer who killed someone (who was abducted from this hotel) in 1963. THEN we find a strange, gossipy woman and her grumpy father who has lived there his whole life. Coincidence? Nah. 

10:17 - SERIOUSLY?!? The Whitly home is ENORMOUS. WHY IS JESSICA LETTING AINSLEY WORK IN THE MURDER BASEMENT?!?!?! We literally just found out that Jessica has a SOLARIUM somewhere in this house. 

10:40 - “The guy definitely seems like he kills people.” Oh the irony here. 

10:55 - “Are you upset with me?” This is soft and I love it. Malcolm is being vulnerable with his little sister and it warms my heart. 

11:07 - “Insomnia sucks.” “Who knew?” Again. Irony. 

11:18 - “Anything you want to talk about?” This is precious. Malcolm loves Ainsley SO FREAKING MUCH. He has major Dad/Big brother/concerned school counsellor energy here and I’m here for it. 

11:38 - Malcolm’s soooo going to replay this conversation in his head about a million times. He’s going to blame himself for Ainsley’s murder victim of this episode. He’s going to play the “what-if” game. What if - he told her the truth here? Would she still have killed someone tonight? 

11:52 - Look at Ainsley’s face here. She seems sort of confused and comforted? Like maybe the fractions of memories that she’s admitting to having are making her believe that she killed Endicott and it scares her. Malcolm telling her otherwise is probably comforting on some level. It’s helping her convince herself that she’s done nothing wrong. 

12:25 - According to IMDB - this isn’t the episode LDP directed SO WHY IS THERE SO LITTLE GIL CONTENT IN THIS EPISODE?!?!?!

12:27 - What the hell is the puddle on the floor btw? Is it paint? Tar? Blood? I thought construction hadn’t started on the hotel yet?

14:14 - Malcolm. You. Are. A. Moron. Why go towards the creepy elevator that opened by itself? Why did you think that was a good idea?

14:29 - The Bowery Ripper is pretty strong for an old guy. I mean, Malcolm isn’t that big and he was caught off guard but still.

14:38 - I wanted this scene to be reality SO SO BADLY. I don’t even care about the Brightwell interaction in this scene. Malcolm is on a hospital bed. With an ice pack. I could’ve watched 45 minutes of “Malcolm in the hospital” content. The fact that this boy didn’t spend longer than a 30 second scene in the hospital is a CRIME. Why does Fedak hate giving us the whump aftercare?!? WHY?!?! Doesn’t he know like half the fandom LIVES FOR IT?!?

14:40 - You know how I knew this was the start of Malcolm’s AU dream? 2 reasons: 1) Dani has her hand on the ice pack on Malcolm’s head, even though he totally doesn’t need her help to hold the ice pack to his head. 2) GIL ISN”T HERE. .....although this episode did us dirty with the lack of Gil content (I miss Papa!Gil so much)

14:46 - There’s something about dream JT. I can’t quite put my finger on it. Real and dream JT are almost identical. But dream JT seems to be more open with Malcolm? IDK - he’s more relaxed around Malcolm? I can’t quite describe it. Did anyone else notice that there was just something a little bit different about dream JT? Not even in a bad way. Just different. 

15:15 - “Noooo she said it could’ve been worse. Not the same.” hahaha YES DANI. Good looking out. Call out this boy for neglecting his health. 

15:24 - This whole scene where Dani and Malcolm do a joint interrogation was awesome. They were talking pretty fast which I found a little distracting but JT said it best, “They were on FIRE”.  One thing I REALLY liked about the scene was the dynamic between Dani and Malcolm. Neither one of them was really taking a lead in the interrogation. They were equal partners and I think that says a lot about Malcolm’s romantic desires. He doesn’t want to dominate anyone. He doesn’t want to be taken advantage of. He just wants someone he can trust and respect. Someone who will trust and respect him. He wants a partner. An equal partner. I think that’s a really healthy desire for anyone in search of a relationship. 

16:12 - an affair? Did we know that Lyle and/or Katrina were married?!? If they weren’t married it would just be a relationship. Not an affair. 

17:01 - Is this honestly the first time Dani has called Malcolm by his first name? In 26 episodes? It must be right? Because I swear I was so shocked my heart skipped a beat (also my Brightwell heart melted but that’s a whole different thing). 

17:06 - .....so in Malcolm’s dream does he still work for Major Crimes? Is JT running the department? I need some more details here. 

17:12 - Soft!JT <3 <3 <3 How cute is it that in Malcolm’s AU dream, JT (and Dani) don’t actually change (in terms of personality). Their roles in his life just intensify. Dani becomes his significant other and JT becomes a much closer friend/brother. It’s precious. <3 <3 <3 

17:52 - Something about the fact that Jessica isn’t drinking liquor in the AU is hilarious and depressing to me. It’s funny because, well, it just tickles me. It’s depressing because Malcolm understands that Jessica drinks to dull the pain. In this AU, she isn’t in pain. She’s happy. Therefore, she doesn’t need alcohol. I don’t know about you but the fact that Malcolm’s subconscious wanted his mom to be happy so badly that she became (more or less) sober - is heartbreaking and heartwarming all at the same time. 

18:11 - “No one in this family is scared of a little blood right?” The irony here is THICK.

19:23 - The fact that Ainsley is a doctor just like Martin in Malcolm’s AU is terrifying and hilarious. This whole “I watched Ainsley kill a man” thing is really destabilizing Malcolm’s questionable mental health.

19:27 - “Please Ainsley is the talented one. I’m a distance second.” ....does this mean that Endicott isn’t the first person Ainsley has killed? Does this mean subconsciously Malcolm somehow thinks that Ainsley is a better serial killer than Martin?

19:56 - “No phones at dinner okay?” Something about the way Martin is looking at Malcolm at this moment and Martin’s tone of voice made me think - “Shit. Martin’s still a serial killer in Malcolm’s AU.” Especially since they Ainsley literally just announced to the room that he’s getting a from Claremont. 

20:06 - Yep. That’s a nightmare. From the back, Claremont!Gil probably looked like Martin circa mid-2010s for Malcolm. 

20:09 - Look idc who you ship on this show. But I will fight you if you don’t think that Malcolm being comforted after a nightmare by someone he loves is the sweetest thing ever. Look at how Dani gently rubs his arm and back. Ugh. This is the kind of safety Malcolm DESERVES. 

20:43 - Dani lying on Malcolm’s chest. <3 It just makes me so happy. Not even necessarily because it’s Dani (although I do ship Brightwell as end game) but because Malcolm’s subconscious is showing us his ideal relationship and we don’t see anything wild or questionable - we just see G-rated cuddling. And damn if that doesn’t say a lot about how much Malcolm just wants to be loved. 

20:53 - .......Can we have a full episode’s worth of footage where Malcolm is unconscious on the floor? I know I’m a basket case but it would make my whump heart so happy.....even happier if that footage was immediately followed by 40 mins of hospital care/comfort footage.

20:59 - I know that time has sort of slowed down for the purpose of plot in this episode but ngl - every time we saw the elevator approaching passed out Malcolm all I could think was “this is the slowest elevator in the world.”

21:26 - Malcolm is so so relaxed and comfortable in this scene. I want him to be this happy forever. 

22:07 - “You deserve all of it.” Malcolm subconsciously just wants permission to be happy. He doesn’t think he deserves to be happy (especially after Endicott). That little revelation broke my heart. Also the Brightwell kiss was adorable. Dani takes control because, Malcolm wants to feel wanted and this is how his subconscious is manifesting that desire. I will argue that Malcolm doesn’t necessarily want a relationship where his partner takes charge or dominates him. He made coffee of both of them. They’re living in his apartment. They’re having calm, mature, adult conversations. They are both equal partners in his dream relationship. 

22:45 - Dani isn’t scared of Malcolm when his hand starts shaking. She isn’t judging him. She’s just concerned. <3

22:47 - “Existential ennui”? Soooo much french in this episode. Damn. “Jamais vu”, “Quelle suprise”. Now “ennui”. 

23:35 - “I don’t fit your profile.” ....am I expected to believe that Malcolm didn’t realize this was a dream until this moment? Dani calling him “Malcolm Whitly” in the last scene wasn’t a red flag? Or the fact that Ainsley is a doctor. Or that Martin isn’t in Claremont? Or that Jessica isn’t drinking booze by the bucket? I mean, I know he has a head injury but these are big red flags. 

24:15 - Sooooo is Wendell dead irl? Because this is technically a dream. 

25:02 - “I thought we were looking for an inexperienced psychopath. A first time killer.”......this is him projecting about Ainsley right? Am I overthinking this? And now he says, “I was wrong”. Is that supposed to suggest that Malcolm thinks Ainsley has killed someone before Endicott?

25:07 - “The blows are confident. They were having fun.”.....couldn’t the same be said about how Ainsley stabbed Endicott? They were definitely confident stabs (plus a confident throat slitting). 

25:14 - “We’re looking for a serial killer.” Istg the writers are hinting that Ainsley is a serial killer (or will become one soon).

25:27 - Mr. David appears in the AU but Edrisa doesn’t. We were ROBBED.

26:07 - I’m not the only one who thinks that beard makes Gil look like a werewolf right?

26:33 - Claremont!Gil is creepy. LDP’s performance here is really really good. Also - I hate it. Because serial killer Gil is just not my Gil and it upsets me to see Gil chained to a wall. 

26:56 - Sooooo in the AU “The Surgeon” is still at large right? ....you’d think Malcolm would be trying to solve that case with Dani and JT. You know, an active prolific serial killer in New York?

27:34 - The way that Martin, Gil, and Malcolm interact in this scene is really interesting to me. In a lot of ways, this isn’t an AU. Think about it. 

In the dream: Gil is frantically trying to convince Malcolm that Martin is a serial killer. In a way, Gil is trying to protect Malcolm from Martin.

In reality: Gil just shoots Malcolm disapproving looks when he mentions seeing Martin. Gil desperately tries to protect Malcolm from Martin.

In the dream: Martin is trying to convince Malcolm that Gil is a monster. He’s trying to convince Malcolm that he’s a Good father. That he would never hurt Malcolm. That he loves Malcolm. 

In reality - Martin is the same. 

The only main difference between AU!Martin, AU!Gil, and their real counterparts is their temperaments. AU!Martin has Gil’s calm, comforting, and rational temperament while AU!Gil has Martin’s angry, manic, and controlling temperament.

What is the same between the AU characters and their real counterparts? 

Martin is still a manipulative killer.

Gil still shoots Malcolm looks of concern (27:45). 

Gil and Martin still hate each other. 

28:30 - Even dream Martin tries to gaslight Malcolm. 

28:56 - “You can always count on Dad.” ....is this how Malcolm really feels about Martin subconsciously? It kind of makes sense? Who did Malcolm turn to when Ainsley did the unthinkable? Not Gil or Jessica. Malcolm said it in 1x12 - (I’m paraphrasing) “The child in me thought he cared. Loved me even.” I think there’s still a part of Malcolm that believes that. Or at least a part of Malcolm that desperately wants to believe that. 

29:17 - “I’ve never been to a crime scene before.” That’s because you create the crime scene, Martin. In all versions of reality. 

29:20 - annnnnnd AU Martin shares regular Martin’s weird fascination with Dani. 

31:00 - JT being buddy-buddy with Martin is hands down the most horrifying part of the AU. 

31:10 - “I think he’s having a psychotic break.” ......I want this to be foreshadowing so so so badly. I think it would be so interesting to see how the team, Jessica, Ainsley, and even Martin deal with Malcolm just having a total breakdown. Maybe not a full psychotic break. Maybe a nervous breakdown? Or he succumbs to his suicidal ideation? Probably a little too dark for network TV though.

31:34 - “I’m very protective of her and her boots.” Does Malcolm see himself as the Bowery Ripper, trying to protect Ainsley as opposed to his daughter? Or is the Bowery Ripper supposed to be a metaphor for Martin protecting Ainsley? Is Malcolm going to take the fall for Ainsley and all her murders?!? 

32:45 - “Why did you kill again? After all these years.” istg this is hinting that Ainsley killed someone as a kid and Martin knows about it.

33:00 - “I can’t let my daughter know what I was.” .....is the Bowery Ripper supposed to be Ainsley? Is Ainsley killing people to try and protect Malcolm? Ugh. I’m totally overthinking this.

33:02 - Even in his dream, Malcolm can’t bring himself to kill his father. Wether that is by cutting off contact with Martin irl or letting the Bowery Ripper kill him in the AU.

33:07 - Actually though - why doesn’t Malcolm carry a gun IRL? We know he’s trained to use one. We saw him use one in the pilot on a case for the FBI. Is there some sort of NYPD rule about consultants carrying weapons? Is it a rule that Gil has imposed on Malcolm? Is it a rule that Malcolm has imposed on himself? A mixture? I want to know. 

33:38 - OMG. Is Malcolm going to try and kill Ainsley?!?! What a twist that would be. AU Malcolm just killed a killer. He doesn’t seem to feel bad about it and he agrees with Martin that “everything is okay now”. 

33:55 - This hug deeply moved me. Malcolm is fully aware that this hug isn’t real but he looks so content to be hugged by his father. Malcolm is finally getting a proper hug. <3 It honestly makes me wonder what Malcolm would do IRL for his father’s approval though. He’s clearly sooo desperate for Martin to love him. Who knows what Martin will be able to convince Malcolm to do in this season? Malcolm’s not all that mentally stable right now and he’s really vulnerable emotionally. I’m worried.

34:26 - “Not that it’s a competition.” ....yep. Ainsley wants to be better than Malcolm even in Malcolm’s own subconscious. 

35:00 - Heart. Breaking. Watching Ainsley, Martin, and Jessica tell Malcolm how good they think Dani is for him breaks my heart. Look at how happy Malcolm looks. Look at how desperately Malcolm wants this to be real. Ugh. My heart is shattered. 

35:20 - “You’re the best, big brother.” Even Malcolm’s subconsious knows that he’s an excellent big brother. Seriously, I love my younger brother but I don’t think I could ever cover up a murder for him. Never mind dispose of the body. Maybe I would? IDK the situation has never come up (thankfully).

35:25 - .....aaannnnnndd we’re back to the Girl in the Box.

35:58 - “Why would you ever want to leave?” “Because it’s all a lie.” Isn’t Malcolm living a lie IRL too? He’s pretending that Ainsley is a law-abiding citizen. He’s pretending that he isn’t an accomplice in a murder. He’s living in constant fear because of his secrets. They’re going to destroy him. This is why I think a suicide attempt is a possibility for this season. This trauma is a lot bigger (in some ways) than last season’s. Plus - Malcolm has a lot of pre-existing trauma. This could be the metaphoric straw that breaks the camel’s back.  

36:45 - “Even in my wildest dream. I’m still a detective. I need to seek the truth. No matter how painful.” That’s it. That’s Malcolm’s character in a nutshell. “Traumatized boy who intentionally puts himself through more trauma for the sake of seeking the truth.”

37:01 - “You’re right. I need to work on that.”.......if Malcolm tells Gil and/or the team about Ainsley next episode I will lose my mind. 

 37:15 - TOM PAYNE. YOU ABSOLUTE TREASURE. THIS IS SUCH A GREAT PERFORMANCE. THOSE UNSHED TEARS. THAT DESPERATE ANGER. THAT HOPELESSNESS AND DESPAIR.  <3 <3 <3 <3 

38:21 - Look, I’m a mechanical engineering student (not an expert) but if that was a wooden stick like I think it is - that would’ve NEVER stopped an elevator (at least, not long enough for Malcolm to escape). But I’ll overlook it for whump. Because Malcolm has a head wound and I’m loving it. 

38:33 - I’ve rewatched this clip of Malcolm with a bloody face meeting JT and Dani about 50 times (wish I was exaggerating that number). There is something so gorgeous about this scene. I mean - the fact that Malcolm is clearly in physical and emotional pain is enough to make my whump heart sing but it’s more than that. Listen to the genuine concern in JT’s voice when he says, “You okay?”. Look at Dani’s concerned face. Listen to how soft and desperate Malcolm’s voice is when he says, “When was the last time I talked to you?” Look at how concerned and confused JT and Dani are when Malcolm says, “I know who the killer is.” They’re not scared of Malcolm. They’re scared for Malcolm. Malcolm just showed up covered in blood, he can’t walk straight, he’s clearly confused, and now he’s claiming that he’s solved the case. They’re worried about him and they have every right to be. Listen to how broken Malcolm sounds when he says, “Long story.” <3 <3 <3 I’m in love with this scene. 

39:19 - “Are you sure about this?” “I have no idea.” This. Is. Important. JT and Dani have every reason to believe that this old man isn’t a killer but Malcolm’s head injury is making him confused. BUT they choose to trust Malcolm (or at the very least, humour him). They trust him enough to take a risk on him and I think that’s beautiful. I think that’s exactly what Malcolm needed after his nightmare of an AU dream. He needed to know that they care about him IRL. I hope he notices their behaviour despite the head injury. 

39:35 - Malcolm puts the skull down with his ungloved hand. I’m blaming the head injury. 

39:55 - Look this was a really moving scene. The parallel of Malcolm arresting a serial killer in front of the serial killer’s child and Martin being arrested in front of Malcolm is haunting. HOWEVER, when that old man stood up from the wheelchair my stupid brain went “THAT ASSHOLE NEVER EVEN NEEDED THE WHEELCHAIR?!?”.....even though he literally wasn’t in a wheelchair in Malcolm’s dream. 

40:40 - WE WERE ROBBED. I want to see the scene where Malcolm explains his dream to the team. I want to see GIL. WHERE THE EFF IS GIL IN THIS EPISODE?!?! FURTHERMORE - I WANT THE IRL VERSION OF “MALCOLM GOES TO THE HOSPITAL FOR A HEAD INJURY” SCENE. WTF FEDAK. GIVE ME THE AFTERCARE. 

40:47 - “That man will be buried in a turtleneck.” hahahahahaha OMG. Iconic. 

41:27 - “Goodnight Malcolm.” <3 <3 <3 She called him Malcolm IRL. Excuse me while I go and stoke my slow burn Brightwell fire. 

41:36 - “Goodnight.” This is the face of a man who just accepted the fact that he will never be happy. Malcolm honestly doesn’t think he deserves to be in a relationship. Especially with someone as beautiful, kind, and talented as Dani.

41:40 - THAT HAT. Was this really in Season 1?!?! I don’t remember it? But holy hell - I want to see Malcolm wear it. Like now. It’s going to make me laugh. I can feel it. 

41:53 - Immediately you can hear that something is wrong in Ainsley’s voice. She sounds distracted, dissociated, and scared. 

42:14 - Give. Tom. Payne. An. Emmy. Listen to his voice breaking here. He’s so close to tears and it’s genuinely beautiful. Such an astounding performance. 

42:51 - I honestly think Ainsley is shaking her head because she realizes that she made a mistake. She came to Malcolm because she thought he killed Endicott. She thought that he’d be able to understand. That he’d be able to help her because he had committed the same crime she just committed. She was wrong. He can help her - but legally, he really shouldn’t.

43:08 - Look. A new scene for Malcolm’s night terrors. 

43:15 - Yep. This is going to drive Malcolm into a mental breakdown. This is bad. 

43:20 - There’s a part of me that wants Malcolm to tattle on Ainsley. Just so he doesn’t have to keep the secret any longer. The secret is killing him. Telling won’t make the situation any better though. Gil and the team will react horribly and it’ll make Malcolm feel like garbage. Plus I can only imagine how the press would scrutinize the Whitly’s again. It won’t be good any way you slice it. 

I have a love/hate relationship with this episode. On one hand - it’s the cannon AU episode that every fanfiction lover dreams of. It’s also a really compelling episode complete with some excellent acting and great insight into Malcolm’s psyche. HOWEVER: 1) not enough Gil, 2) WHERE IS MY WHUMP AFTERCARE?, and 3) I wanted to see Malcolm at the base of that elevator for longer. The whump wasn’t prolonged enough for my sick soul. 

[lonelyghosts-stuff]

Loki-Character Analysis (and Rant lol)

Idk if anyone will see this and I frankly don't care too much, just kind of ranting and venting. (for context I am not necessarily in the healthiest head space as of now so my emotions could be more extreme than they normally would be)

Loki's death is really hitting hard for me again. The fact he went from a mischievous kid who just wanted his father's recognition, to sabotaging his brother's coronation to lead up to defeating the Jotuns for his father and proving himself worthy as Thor, in the process finding out his life was a lie and that he himself was a Jotun who was abandoned, to giving up his life only to be found by Thanos to be threatened and manipulated (idc what anyone says, Loki was definitely tortured during his time with Thanos. How else could you explain how sickly and gaunt he looked when he first showed up in Avengers?) to losing his mother and protecting a mere mortal just because his brother cared for her, also willing to sacrifice himself for her and his brother, to finally having a period of success, only to witness his father die, see his home destroyed, and then ultimately get killed by Thanos as he tried to kill him to protect Thor.

He had an arc. He grew. And then he died. While we will get Loki in the new Disney+ series, he will never be the same Loki unless they find a way to implant the experiences of the prime Loki into this one. While I have no doubt he will be shown key points of his alter variant self's life, seeing them from an outer perspective cannot substitute for the experiences themselves.

Loki was such a complicated character who, while sometimes seeming inconsistent, was consistently inconsistent within the nature of his chaotic and mischievous character. He cared. He wanted recognition and to be viewed as equal to his brother. Along the way he got lost and found and twisted even more. Notice how in Thor 1, he never killed anyone other than Jotuns. While he did endanger other humans, he never killed them despite being easily able to do so with the destroyer automaton. And when it came to his brother, he had the perfect chance to blast him, but resorted to a backhand; and while that could have proven to be fatal, when it came down to it, Loki couldn't bring himself to do it the easy way. Deep down he still wanted to be on equal terms. That's why when Thor returned to Asgard, Loki kept instigating Thor, trying to rile him up so he would fight him. He ended up resorting to threatening harm upon Jane just to get his brother to treat him as equal and a worthy opponent. He denied familial connection to Odin and Thor, trying to convince himself that the reason he will never be viewed as equal with Thor is that he is a Jotun, the "monster parents tell their children about". In the end, when Odin still wouldn't show any more sympathy to Loki or try to reason with him, instead just telling him "no", Loki gave up. He was willing to accept whatever happened to him when he let go and he fell into the collapsing portal of the bifrost.

Cut to the first avengers, he is clearly very changed. He's sickly, gaunt, and weakened, needing support just getting onto the back of the truck for Clint Barton to drive him away on. His eyes are sunken in, he's greasy and slow, and borderline sociopathic. He clearly experienced something that turned him into this. We already know the scepter influenced his mind and that Thanos threatened him eternal suffering that would make pain look sweet if he didn't get the tesseract. But I steadfast refuse any statement someone could give me saying he wasn't tortured or manipulated by Thanos or his followers. Loki quickly goes in for the attack when he arrives on Earth, killing without hesitation or regret. When Thor confronts him on Stark tower, for even just the most fleeting second, he pauses. He knows what he's done and that he's gone too far. Even when he doesn't back down, he doesn't try to kill Thor. He simply, or, well, "simply" stabs him and runs off knowing very well it would take much more than that to kill his brother.

When he is brought to Asgard for imprisonment, his pride and guilt eat away at him. He refuses to acknowledge what he did as wrong to anyone, but he is very well aware of his actions the weight of them. The person who affects him the most being his mother, the one who always showed love for him and Thor equally. He tries to hide this knowledge, denying her being his mother as well since he is of Jotun blood, but he cares for her greatly still and can't help but feel guilty for how she sees him now. He still strives for chaos and when the Dark Elves invade, he mischievously points them in the direction of the throne room, not knowing their full capabilities, but living for the potential chaos to ensue. Of course this leads to his dear mother being killed. Loki is furious, broken, and lost. His actions have gone too far, causing the woman he loved the most and felt loved him more than anyone else to die. Thor can easily see through his illusions proving that Loki has shown his adoration for Frigga enough that even Thor knows of it. When they finally get to the Dark World, Loki tries getting under Thor's skin again, but also in an attempt to understand him. He prods at Thor's feelings for Jane and reminds him that her life is but a brief moment in their own lifetimes. They bicker and scuffle on the ride to their destination, but it is ultimately resolved by Loki's declaration that Thor can trust his rage, his rage at Frigga's death. When there, we see Jane in direct danger twice. Both times, Loki throws himself in harms way to protect her, seeing her both as vulnerable but also something that Thor cares for. Loki then proceeds to save his brother's life, being willing to sacrifice his own for him as well. Knowing his wound is not fatal, but also being fully aware of his skills in trickery and illusions, not only does Loki trick Thor into believing he is dead, but he also takes the opportunity to try to relieve his conscience; he apologizes. He then follows it up by saying that he didn't do what he did to make Odin proud or acknowledge him, not this time. He did it for the one who truly cared for him and showed it, Frigga. This gave Loki the opportunity to discreetly get back to Asgard and exile Odin and take his place. Now, Loki got the respect and adoration he felt he deserved. But it would only last for so long.

When Thor gets wind of Loki's antics, they both find themselves eventually facing down Odin and him passing away, but not before telling them that he's proud of them and loves them. Even Loki tears up here. He feels somewhat that it's his fault for Odin's passing, but he also feels empty after finally hearing Odin give him what he thought he always wanted. Hela arrives and Loki tries to reason with her; perhaps thinking he can relate to her and handle the situation. Unfortunately, Loki and Thor get separated for a while, eventually reuniting, but on opposite ends of the social class on Sakaar. Loki could easily continue to bask in his new status over Thor, but still decides to help him when h found him in the waiting area for the fighters (even though he eventually tried to betray him later when he realized he could regain what status he had and that he viewed escape futile and pointless with Hela still around). In the end, despite him having the chance to escape and run off, he returns to Asgard to help fight. He even proves key in defeating Hela as he revives Surtur, also grabbing the tesseract on the way. He doesn't hide. He doesn't show bitterness. He returns to the ship alongside his brother. (despite how much Waititi gave a middle finger to the writing and characterization of the characters, I am still trying my best to piece good Loki moments from Thor Ragnarok and fit it into Loki’s personality given that Ragnarok is considered MCU canon).

Thanos attacks. He has Thor in a precarious situation, threatening to kill him if Loki doesn't give him the tesseract. Loki tries to hold out as long as possible, knowing the consequences of giving it to the mad titan, but eventually yields when he sees no other way to save his brother; after giving it to Thanos, he immediately goes to Thor's side to protect him. When Thanos took down Hulk, Loki realizes the only chance they have to get out of there alive is to use his trickery. He proclaims himself Loki, prince of Asgard and, most impressively, Odinson. He accepts who he is. He acknowledges he is the rightful heir to Jotunheim, but he also knows that, even if not by blood, he is Thor's brother, and Odin and Frigga's son. Unfortunately, he rushes to action quite recklessly, potentially undermining the power Thanos has already with even just the two infinity stones he as acquired. Loki is killed. Neck snapped from the pressure of Thanos choking him. He died trying to protect his brother. Trying to fight for the good fight. Died at the hands of the man who twisted him in the first place and promised him suffering if he didn't deliver the tesseract.

Loki may have started out as a dark antagonist, then to a twisted villain, and eventually progressing to an Anti-Hero, but he died a hero.

This just breaks me. He was such a loveable and complicated character. He had many faults, faults he battled with every day. When it came down to it, he threw his own life down for his brother.

It upsets me he died so quickly and seemingly so pointlessly within the first ten minutes of Infinity War. But he also served a great, if I may, glorious purpose. He brought the Avengers together in the first place, and died trying to make sure another one of them, and his own brother, could live on to fight and stop Thanos.

Loki will always be my favorite character and hero and villain simultaneously in the MCU. And I couldn't thank Tom Hiddleston enough if I got the chance for his stellar performance of this fantastic and complicated character who helped bring the Avengers together, even if unintentionally.

[pigeonxp]

YGCMA songs and how they relate to c!Wilbur based off of yesterday’s lore (in my biased opinion)

This is so dumb and i literally don’t care. I can’t think about anything else other than doing this synopsis even tho like 28480329204 other people are going to do it. idc. 

(I listened to the songs earlier, and i’m also listening to them as i write the opinions. these are basically just my thoughts while listening tbh. im also not doing the full song, just some things i feel relate within each song)

- Jubilee Line

the lines at the beginning of the song, “hate to see you leaving / a fate worse than dying” could relate to how wilbur feels after tommy gets pulled back into the overworld. or, he could be referencing L’Manburg and how he hates to see his country leaving him (ouch). 

then we have the lines “your city gave me asthma / so thats why im fucking leaving / and your water gave me cancer / and the pavements hurt my feelings”. This could be in relation to L’Manburg as a whole. He put everything he had into L’Manburg and it only ended up hurting him in the end. yikes. 

now we have “shout at the wall / ‘cause the walls dont fucking love you” repeated. This could be in reference to when he said he was fucking kicking and screaming to get out of the train station. hes screaming and he doesnt care because it doesnt matter to him. it doesnt love him just like how the people of L’Manburg didnt love him. wilbur get therapy challenge.

so based on the lore from yesterday, we know that c!wilbur’s limbo was a train station (props to fanartists. i love you.), presumably the YCGMA album cover type deal. when he sings “Theres a reason / that London puts barriers on the tube line / theres a reason / that London puts barriers on the rails” repeated. if the train station looks like how they do on the album cover, there could be barriers where he is. maybe hes trying his best to just kill himself over again by jumping onto the tracks. just in an attempt to escape. jfc 

“theres a reason they fail”. he was still in the train station, wasnt he?

- Saline Solution

for this one, i feel like hes pretty far into the void and regretting his decision to have phil kill him. hes tired of being in a fucking train station for years on end. 

“i think this time im dying / im not melodramatic / im just pragmatic beyond any / reasoning for thinking ive got / fuckin rabies or something.” hes so fucking sick of being in this goddamn train station and he thinks hes dying. hes so pent up and sick of being there, maybe hes just in so much pain that he feels like hes dying. if hes been there for a while, hes probably bound to go crazy at some point, hence the “pragmatic beyond any reasoning.”

“I think ive lost my mind / blurring the fact and the fictions” this feels like he really does believe hes going crazy and is mixing up the things he really knows and the things his mind is creating for him. maybe this is when tommy first arrived and he cant tell if he real or not (thats a stretch but i figured id share it anyway.)

“I think ive made my choice / im a deceased playing victim / slip the face, slip the victory” he quite literally says that hes a deceased playing victim. hes literally saying hes dead HAHHAHAH anyway. maybe hes blaming himself again, because us c!wilbur apologists all know that hes very good at doing that.

“Sit secluded in hatred /.../” hes sitting in a fucking train station for god knows how long beating himself up over and over again and just hating himself. hes all alone. with himself. someone he fucking loathes.

this is honestly all i have for Saline Solution, but i will definitely add more later if i get different theories. 

- Since I Saw Vienna

This is my favorite song on the album and my comfort song so that could factor into this bit ahaha

im going to skip through this one a little bit and go to the line “The roads are my home, horizons my target / if i keep on moving, never lose sight of it / treating my memory of you like a fire, let it / burn out, don’t fight it, try to move on” this sounds like hes reminiscing on his home in L’Manburg and his presidency was something he relied on and he would fight to get it back, but now that hes dead and said that it should remain that way that he should just let it go. trying to move on from his symphony, forever unfinished. 

 “its been sixty weeks since i saw vienna / a bandage and a wide smile slapped across my face / ill pick up my hiking boots when i am ready / and ill put down my roots when im dead.” THESE LINES FUCK ME UP IN GENERAL BUT HOW THEY RELATE TO C!WILBUR RN IS JUST SUIBHYSBUSHDXNSKJDNHBD YK???? in the context that vienna is L’Manburg and he died, its saying that its been a long ass time since hes seen it and hes faking being okay about his death. he misses it but doesnt want to admit it. the picking up the hiking boots when hes ready is him moving on from his L’Manburg, and putting his roots down when hes dead is finally being okay with not living there/being an important part of it. he believed his death was the best for the people in L’Manburg and L’Manburg itself. it seems like hes still trying to convince himself. 

“Ill be gone then, for when you must be alone.” hes gone. hes dead. hes in the train station. he left the L’Manburgians alone and hes alone in his limbo. man. 

- Losing Face

this song is angry. hes so fucking angry. my thoughts are that this is about the following presidents after him. he feels like the L’Manburgians were happier without him and im pretty sure he believed that even when Schlatt was president. this is so evident in the lyric “Is he better than me?” Hes literally asking if the other presidents were better than he was. he doesnt believe he did everything he could to be the best president, even though we all know that he gave everything that he was into that country and then some. he broke himself for the L’Manburg but he doesnt believe hes enough. sheesh.

“Ive seen him / ive been him / ive felt the same way” even though he cant see the new presidents being president, he knows what its like. he knows that they might break under the pressure. hes been there. he knows how if feels. yikes. 

“Ive lost all meaning / ive lost my sense of hope” this feels like when he was nearing the end of L’Manburg when he blew it up, and that he feels like trying to win it back is pointless. he has no hope for it anymore, so why not give up? his mental state is already shit yk so i cant really blame him for feeling that way. 

“i dont care / i want you here / as long as youre happy, i dont care” this line. this fucking line. hes lost hope in being president, but he doesnt care. he just wants the L’Manburgians to be happy. that was his whole thought process while he was president. he didnt matter to himself, he just wanted them to be happy. he sacrificed his mental state for them. cries in wilbur apologist.

- Your Sister Was Right

this is my second favorite song on the album i think HAHAHAH

anyway

“I use everyone i ever meet / i cant find the perfect match / abuse those i love / while i ostracize the ones who love me / back.” wowie wow wow fucking ouchie. He feels like he uses his friends. this whole thing is a projection of his shit ass mental state rn fucking hell. he feels like hes abusive. thats what everyones been telling him. they tell him he was awful and a shit president and all that jazz even though hes been killing himself trying to be the best for them but its still not enough (pigeon projecting? more likely than you think)

“every time that i miss you / i feel the way you hurt / and i dont deserve you / you deserve the world / though it feels like we were built / from the same dirt.” man. hes dead lol. he misses the L’Manburgians. not only were they his supporters, but they were all his friends too. every time he misses his friends he feels their pain of when he first blew up L’Manburg. he feels like because he caused them all pain that they dont like him and that they never liked him and that he is undeserving of their friendship. he still wants to be friends with them. he still loves them. he still wants the best for them. he thinks theyre so much better than him even though they all created L’Manburg together. in reality they are all the same, but their actions impact each other and he feels that his actions make him worse than them or less than. fuckisonmdfnpbhife

“and i hate to say it / but your sister was right / dont trust english boys / with far too much free time” sister is dream mayhaps. fuckngeionsfjg that hurt sorry uhhh anyway yeah sister is dream?? he did say that wilbur would be a shit president and he believes that hes a shit president so he thinks they were all right about him being a shit president  fbhjebinfnejg. maybe sister is just everyone who didnt believe in wilbur. man....

“a fucking waste of time” do i even need to explain this one? he fr doesnt belive hes worth it anymore and that hes literally a waste of time. hjkfbhnfve

- La Jolla

this one feels pretty far into train station limbo to me as well. namely from “and im lonely / there i said it” this could either be him being lonely as president and feeling like he doesnt have anyone to talk to really because hes too busy trying to hold himself together for everyone. either that or hes lonely in the station and didnt want to admit it because this is what he wanted. he wanted to die. he wanted to be dead because he believed thats what everyone else wanted and he just wanted the best for them. 

“i could go away / i could pack my things and be gone before you wake” he could leave if they asked him to. he would do anything for them. 

“you know ive tried hard to love me too / it always seems to fall in, through” this line already physically pained me but now it hurts even more having to relate it to a character i love. we already know that his mental state was declining as his presidency continued, but this would confirm that hes just trying to love himself even though he can never seem to get it right. 

“my own personal sunset” this is just the ‘this is my sunrise’ line but different. my man misses the sun. fuck. 

- I’m Sorry Boris

this song is almost definitely from a long ass time in the limbo. 

“and im sorry / but, boris / im leaving / im not good for anyone here” boris represents L’Manburgians!! hes talking about how hes leaving the world by planning on killing himself. fuck. 

“we reached the end of a decade” mans been dead for a decade. sheesh. 

he then goes on to say that he cant believe hes leaving, he doesnt think he wants to leave them, but he thinks its whats best for them.

he talks about how they do all of these bullshit things before helping you and i know its in reference to london but for the sake of my sanity its about the presidency role and how it will fuck you up before bothering to help you not want to kill yourself.  

should i do a separate post about how i visualized it/about how i thought about the song in paragraph form like a lowkey explanation? idk how to explain it but in this one i wanted to just cover some of the lyrics of the songs and my thoughts on them. i think c!wilbur wrote these in the limbo after he died. i know this is also shit and Not Good, but i really just needed to get my thoughts out before it killed me. i also didnt reread this. its probably repetitive and shit yk. i do Not Care. id also love to hear thoughts on this if yall want to. if you made it this far i love you please hydrate and eat today and youre so sexy ahaha 

“and even though im finished / im not quite done with it” even though hes finishing his symphony by blowing it up, hes now realizing he wished he hadnt blown it up and that he hadnt killed himself. man. 

-

[lunarnoona5342]

So I had a second attempt at a Pokémon X nuzlocke and beat it this time

For those who don't know, a nuzlocke is a self-enforced game mode of Pokémon where you can only catch the first Pokémon you encounter on a route, you must nickname them to encourage closeness, and if the Pokémon faint in battle, they are dead: you can no longer use them. I added an extra rule onto the route rule: I can catch the first Pokémon that comes from a rock smash on a route, since that's something that can rarely be done on routes anyway, and also I'm prone to killing Pokémon so I needed a fighting chance at this. With the rules sorted, we can move onto my second attempt at a nuzlocke (with my best friend Mar (@serpentine-fxrtune) beside me to help name my Pokémon and mock my dead ones with bonus friends Bread and Ariel (@catboy5000))

I played as a male named Takehiko because me, Mar, and a couple other friends have a Pokémon fan project thing going on between us and Takehiko is one of my characters who is Kalosian. When I was offered to be nicknamed Big T at the beginning of the game, I could not refuse. I picked Froakie to be my starter and already had naming issues, so I consulted Mar for a nickname. She suggested the French word for frog, and I just went with it because, yanno, Kalos is based on France. And so, I gained my first Pokémon, Grenouille. I go to route 2 and encounter the obligatory Pidgey (which doesn't count as my first encounter, I don't have any Pokéballs at this point) and sit through Serena teaching me to catch Pokémon (who btw I forgot existed in this game) by talking to Mar about something I remembered.

Me: I just wanna talk about SKZ's English names, specifically Changbin's name. Like it's normal, it's just Lewis, but CHAN TRIED TO CONVINCE HIM TO BE CALLED BARTHOLOMEW, THAT'S LIKE IF I TRIED TO GIVE BREAD AN ARABIC NAME AND CHOSE TO NAME HIM ABDUL RAHMAN, THAT'S NOT EASY TO SAY.

Me: Should I name my first Pokémon Bartholomew, for what Changbin could have been?

Mar, ever the enabler: Sure, I can't really stop you.

So I named the Weedle I caught Bartholomew, and proceeded into Santalune forest.

So we move on (and I'm just ignoring rival battles because they're just not it) and out to route 3, where I caught a Fletchling. Following on from my SKZ English names talk from earlier, I named the bird Sky, because Seungmin's English name is cute goddammit. So when I got to Santalune, I ran into a problem: I had no Pokémon that could be super effective against Viola. I head over to route 22 nearby after grabbing the roller skates to try and get Riolu for a first encounter. Instead of that, I got a Bunnelby.

Me: You are not Riolu... so you shall be named Not Riolu.

So instead of fretting over the type advantage Viola had on me, I chose to grind for higher levels to beat her Pokémon up with power instead; this is when the first casualty came in.  Sky, the poor child, got killed by a Riolu using counter because peck didn't do the job of making it faint. Sky was the first to join the graveyaed (yes this is how I spelled it in game). Sky, though you were technically not Seungmin since you were female, you will be missed.

Also forgot to mention: Batholomew is a female too. Moving on-

So after spending a long time grinding, being a bit more careful this time, I finally felt like I was ready for Viola, and I was. I swept the floor with her, Grenouille carrying the team as he was a higher level than the rest. Upon reaching Viola's sister, Alexa, before route 4, I got an exp share, and then she reminded me of what happened in my first attempt at the nuzlocke.

Me: *says a thing about something being sad*

Me and Mar, at the same time: Alexa, play Despacito.

Mar: Name the Pokémon you catch on this route Despacito.

Me: Okay *gets a Flabébé*

Future me: *pockets memory for future Flabébé*

On route 4, I encounter a Skitty, but as I mentioned earlier, I am prone to killing Pokémon and end up killing the Skitty before I could catch it, so I just make my way over to Lumiose to get a Kanto starter after beating up all the trainers on the route.

So this was my conversation with Mar about which Kanto starter to pick (I have a grudge against Ch*rmander okay), and through this I chose its name too: Zekrom 💙

So on route 5 I catch a Furfrou that I nicknamed Floof because it floof and made my way to Camphier, where I went off with Shauna to get the Poké flute to get rid of the Snorlax blocking route 7. I collect the item, and on the way back I catch an Oddish that Mar named Pea for me. I got rid of the Snorlax by running the moment I interact with it - there was no way I'd fight that thing. Onto route 7, where I go into the purple flowers in hopes I get a blue Flabébé, but instead I got an orange one. Regardless of the colour, it was gonna be called Despacito.

In the connecting cave, I catch a Zubat that I named Ciel because I wanted to honour Sky by naming a bat the same thing, just Italian. I move on to route 8, where I get Shelly the Bagon, Shinju the Cubone from the Glistening Cave, and Itzy the Amaura from the fossil I got. It was on the other side of route 8 where the first of 2 rock smash Pokémon emerge, and I'm not sorry for killing the Binacle, it was Dwebble or nothing. In the Twitter thread I forgot to mention that I also caught a Helioptile that I nicknamed Frilly on route 9, but enough of that, now to Grant, the gym that killed my first Pokémon X nuzlocke...

Grant scared me a lot because of how I've always struggled to beat him even when I played normally: he's way too strong to just be a second gym leader. However, thanks to way too much grinding, I was able to beat Grant without any casualties.

So I can't remember how it happened, but at some point in route 10, Shinju died, I can't remember what caused it but it happened and ig I wasn't sad enough about it to remember. On route 10 though, I did get a Snubbull that I named Berri (Mar wanted to name it Ugli but I said No.)

So skip over Geosenge and off to route 11 and Reflective Cave, where I got Zappy the Dedenne and I then killed a Roggenrola by accident because, despite its sturdy ability, it still got hurt by Despacito's rocky helmet and fainted. Unfortunately this is where I lost 2 Pokémon. Kumi died to a Wobuffet that, idk what it did since I wasn't looking at the screen, but I'm assuming Kumi just couldn't take the counter, and fell to the same fate Sky did. Then, Itzy died too, by means I can't remember, but tbh it's me I probably did a dumb type matchup.

Either way I started making Itzy jokes to ease the pain of losing 2 Pokémon consecutively, like "maybe she just wasn't Icy, just on fire all along", and Ariel goes "perhaps she was just a wannabe... 💔".

By this point, my team consisted of Grenouille the Greninja, Zekrom the Charmeleon, Frilly the Helioptile, Despacito the Floette, Pea the Gloom, and Not Lucario the Diggersby (I renamed him from Not Riolu since it evolved).

Eventually, I get to Shalour and get the Lucario from Korrina, who I appropriately named Not DiggersB (Not Diggersby didn't fit so I improvised), and replace Not Lucario. I beat her in battle (without trying either I hadn't noticed I won until I was talking to Korrina again).

I gave up my route 12 encounter to get the Lapras the Pokémon breeder gifts you at the beginning of the route if you speak to him, and Mar named him Lettuce (because iceberg lettuce), and quickly grab myself a Tentacool from Azure Bay that I named Booze because it's water poison. It's when I'm grinding on route 12 for Ramos where I get my biggest casualty so far: Zekrom. Zekrom, the fully evolved Charizard, ready to take on the world, got killed by a Miltank that survived 2 hits from Zekrom and was able to land a bide on him.

Mar asked about Zekrom earlier because I got mocked for his death, and idc about it now but like, it hurt when it happened (yes I did threaten murder but my threats are empty, I'm not edgy I just swear a lot).

So I went and got rid of the Pokémon population of route 12 before *almost* going to Ramos. I noticed that I could go to route 13 before battling him, and it was there I could get a Slugma from the second (and final) use of the rock smash rule I had in place.

*over call*

Me: I'm gonna go take a risk and hope that I can get a Slugma on route 13 using rock smash.

Mar: Slipknot?

Me: *laughing* No, SLUGMA.

Mar: Oh, well you're naming it Slipknot now.

Needless to say, I got very lucky and got a Slugma on first encounter, and named it Slipknot. Unfortunately for me, however, catching Slipknot meant even more grinding for levels. Luckily, Courmarine is where you can get a lucky egg, which gives the holder more exp from battles, and with the use of Pokémon Amie, Slipknot caught up in no time (and evolved into Magcargo). Tbh the thing that took more time was bringing up Slipknot's affection on Pokémon Amie since you literally can't pet Slugma, which eliminates the main way to gain affection. The amount of times I played Tile Puzzle and Head It was quite a lot (never liked Berry Picker, stressful).

So I beat Ramos after pulling a risky move to protect Slipknot from Gogoat's ground move by bringing out Lapras and using ice beam to beat it. I bring the lights back to Lumiose city and go to beat Clemont, where the next big casualty happens - Not DiggersB. I had overestimated Not DiggersB's defense and lost him to an Ampharos that used thunder punch a bit too hard. This was a really bad death since I had a whole ground type in my box just sitting, waiting to be used, but nooooo, I had to used the fighting steel type with bone rush.

Not Lucario, in revenge for his counterpart, destroys Clemont's team, and we're off to Laverre. On route 14 I immediately catch a better ground type (Not a Fish the Stunfisk) and Not Lucario is relegated to the box again, the dirty HM slave. This means more grinding, passing the lucky egg over to Not a Fish, more PokéAmie, and more destruction of the Pokémon population (while also tryna level up both Pea and Despacito enough to get giga drain and moonblast respectively before evolving them into Florges and Bellossom).

To explain Pea and Despacito quickly (and Zappy too), they only evolve into their final forms when they are met with a sun stone (for Bellossom specifically and Heliolisk) and shiny stone (for Florges). I did have a sun stone but used it to evolve Helioptile int Heliolisk so I had to wait until I got to Anistar to get another sun stone, and I only got a shiny stone at the end of route 13, so I saved it until Despacito reached the right level for moonblast, then evolved it (thank you Mar for being the one who knew this info, I'm actual shit at Pokémon).

Anyway, I make it to Laverre, beat Valerie (and almost lose Pea that battle gave me a heart attack), beat up team flare in the factory, get master ball and big nugget, blah blah blah, get better clothes for Big T (which isn't much better male clothes in Pokémon is shit). I get a Foongus on route 15, consult Mar on a name because, once again, naming issues, and she names it Amanita for reasons I've honestly forgotten, and go over to Dendemille, where I redeem heart scales for better moves for Grenouille and Slipknot, and beat up more team flare.

Before I make my way over to Anistar though, I quickly go to route 16 to collect an obligatory Pumpkaboo (that I called Jack). I did (or tried to do in some cases) Pokémon Sword runs for my part of the fan project's E4 and on every file, I've caught a Pumpkaboo so it's tradition.

On route 17 I failed miserably at trying to catch a Delibird, which I wasn't upset about. I use the place to grind a bit more before I make it to Anistar. I grab the sun stone there to finally evolve Pea and just completely destroy Olympia with Grenouille.

So the game's plot "thickens" (aka Lysandre outright says he's the one in charge of team flare) so I do my protag thing, saving the world, when I have to deal with the most heartbreaking and stupid death ever.

Xerneas: *appears*

Me: Okay just master ball it.

Me: *accidentally picks quick ball*

Me: it might be okay it's the first turn anyway-

Xerneas, not expecting to battle so had moonblast ready for fun:👁👄👁  *kills Grenouille*

Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

This genuinely hurt me so much I wanted to cry, I was so close to getting Grenouille through it all and he dies to a misclick?! Luckily I got Xerneas in a master ball immediately afterwards. Since it counted as it was the only Pokémon I got in Geosenge, I aptly named it "YOU KILLER".

So I grind a bit more for Xerneas and make my way over to Snowbelle. On route 18 I got a Durant that I named Ditant because I couldn't spell, then got a Sliggoo on route 19 while grabbing sludge bomb for Pea so that she, along with Despacito, can be called the fairy killer.

Despacito the Dragon killer and Pea the Fairy killer honestly sounds so intimidating until you find out they're just a big flower patch and a weed, but they are scary, and can and will kill you without hesitation. I make it to Snowbelle and have to make my way to the Pokémon Village to grab Wulfric to be swept by a heavy metal band, and get myself a Trevenant I named Tree on route 20, and a Zoruark, that immediately replaced YOU KILLER in my party, from the village, and I named him Nuh. Nuh is basically the Muslim name for Noah, as in Noah's Ark Noah, so I did a grammatical joke based on that.

Nuh's Ark = the ark that belongs to Nuh

Nuh's Ark = Nuh is (Zoro)Ark

So I spend my time on route 21 accidentally killing the Ursaring I could've had and then ridding the waters of Lombré and Floatzel for Nuh using Pea. If someone had told me at the beginning of my nuzlocke that my star Pokémon would be a Bellossom, I would've laughed. After a while though, I felt ready. Pea, Despacito, Lettuce, Not a Fish, Slipknot, and Nuh (who I got a heart scale for to learn foul play) were all ready to go down Victory Road and beat the Pokémon League. On the way, I caught a Lickitung, my final Pokémon, that I named Balloon.

(I did have to leave victory road a few times because there's bits where you need to use strength, so I had to fetch Not Lucario because there was no way I was teaching any of my party a HM move this late in the game other than Lettuce learning surf and waterfall).

Going up Victory Road was a breeze (minus the multiple encounters in the caves), and I quickly made my way over to the Pokémon League. I went in, after healing my Pokémon, with an abundant amount of full restores to use freely (I had like P300k the money wasn't going anywhere).

I took on Siebold first, since he's the poetic guy and I wanted to show off Takehiko's abysmal fashion to him first. Needless to say, Pea beat him to a pulp (with Lettuce coming in clutch for his Gyrados by using thunderbolt). Siebold was by far the easiest E4 member.

Next was Wikstrom, whose Probopass had always worried me. It had sturdy, so every time Not a Fish tried to beat it, it'd just survive. Eventually, Wikstrom ran out of full restores, leading to it's untimely demise. Slipknot and Not a Fish cleared out the rest of his team easily.

I took on Malva next, who I legit didn't care about, and just had Lettuce spam surf until I beat her. It worked, of course, so that meant I only had one more battle to go: Drasna the dragon lady who, fun fact, is related to Iris, and is also therefore related to Leon and Hop!

I already knew Drasna would start with Dragalge, a danger to my dragon killer, so I sent out Not a Fish first just to get rid of it. I then sent Despacito out for her Altaria and Noivern, of which Noivern was actually able to land hits on Despacito, getting her in the yellow. Luckily for me, I had Pea learn Dazzling Gleam just in case I needed it, so I switched out Despacito for Pea when Druddigon came out, just to protect my big flower. Pea quickly handed Druddigon its ass as she beat it up without a hitch, and with that, I had finished the E4.

When I was checking if I needed to use my not so abundant amount of ethers and elixirs on my Pokémon, I was glad to find that I really only had to use it for Not a Fish's earthquake: I didn't have to use many moves against the E4, and earthquake was only down because of Wikstrom.

With my Pokémon healed up and ready, Despacito leading the party, I was ready to take on Champion Diantha. Her Hawlucha was up first, of which Despacito beat using moonblast in one fell swoop. She then went to beat up her Tyrantrum, who also fainted to a moonblast. She brought out Amourous next, aka what Itzy could've been, and Despacito used petal blizzard to beat it. The Amourous survived but didn't cause problems. I went to use petal blizzard but Diantha switched out for her Goodra, whose attack got boosted thanks to the grass type move.

Unfortunately for Diantha though, Goodra was a dragon type, so that thing fainted immediately afterwards thanks, once again, to moonblast. She brings back Amourous, who finally faints after a second bout of petal blizzard, and next up is her Gourgeist. It's at this point I finally let Despacito rest, bringing out my newly acquired Nuh, who comes out disguised as Slipknot. Nuh beats the Gourgeist in one move, meaning that Nuh's illusion is still up. Diantha brings out her final Pokémon, Gardevoir, and the battle is almost over.

I think the funniest part of the entire game for me was messing around with Nuh, because when Gardevoir used a psychic move: "It doesn't affect Slipknot..." Which is very funny considering it SHOULD affect Slipknot, it just doesn't affect Nuh, who's pretending to be Slipknot. Nuh takes the opportunity and uses foul play (as Slipknot, which also looks very peculiar) to take down Diantha's Gardevoir, and with that, I had beaten the champion. The nuzlocke was over...

Or was it?

Me: *getting fussy because the other 4 Sycamore pupils were getting credit for me single-handedly beating team flare*

Mar: NOONA THERE'S STILL A BATTLE LEFT, YOU NEED TO BATTLE AZ!

Me: oH

So the nuzlocke was *almost* over.

AZ was very very easy, the only issue I had was Lettuce not being up first to beat his Torkoal. His Sigilyph and Golurk were both very easy to beat, and nothing else really happened in the battle. With that battle over I had truly beaten my second attempt at a Pokémon X nuzlocke.

If you read this far, congratulations! You have read the equivalent of 75 tweets in (possibly) one sitting! Twitter kept capping me off every 25 tweets, so now I understand why Twitter au writers don't post abundantly. This was honestly so much fun, even though I did grieve over my dead Pokémon.

I wanna thank Mar for sticking with me the whole way, even though I was such a nuisance for asking every single time, without fail, what beats poison type Pokémon whenever I encountered one. When I said I'm shit at Pokémon, I wasn't lying: I'm Very Bad™ at the game.

I also wanna thank Bread and Ariel for just popping in during my run every now and again, even if all you wanted to do was mock me for Zekrom's death (which btw I don't get why you're still holding that to me? I'm more shocked you're not talking bout Grenouille lmao).

Would also like to thank my team, Pea the Bellossom, Despacito the Florges, Not a Fish the Stunfisk, Slipknot the Magcargo, Lettuce the Lapras, and Nuh the Zoroark (who, despite being a super new addition, pulled his weight very well). I wouldn't've won of not for y'all  (Idc that they're fictional and can't read my thanks, I love them okay???).

Anywho, thank you for reading this if you chose to!

[starksinthenorth]

What was your dream ending to Season8?

hahahahahahahahaha very much not what we got

I’ve mentioned this elsewhere, but this fan written script is ideal IMO. I’m also working on a semi-rewrite here but I’m trying to use as much of show canon as possible so it might not  be what you’re looking for.

Some general points because I could vent on this FOR AGES and I am assuming based on this question that I have to accept up to S7 as canon:

Ep 1  

Instead of her stupid intro, Dany says something like “the North is more beautiful than I saw from dragon back when I went beyond the wall. I look forward to working with you, Lady Sansa, to protect our people.”

In the intro where the Northmen accuse him of bending the knee, Jon points out that actually, he did it after Dany offered to save the North. He doesn’t try to retcon that conversation.

Tyrion makes a comment to Dany about Cersei being beautiful and vicious and not being surprised that Sansa no longer trusts beautiful people after what she’s been through

Bran tells Jon halfway through who his parents are, he avoids Dany for the rest.

The Ironborn go to Dragonstone to protect it for Dany’s return because THAT MADE NO SENSE. Theon still goes to Winterfell.

Golden Company has elephants.

Episode ends with Jon saying “I have to tell you something” to his family (not Dany), right as the horn blows.

Ep 2

Sansa, in the catacombs, impresses Missandei when she goes to comfort a crying Meereenese woman and either leads the people in songs or gives some rousing speech. Either way, Sansa does something useful. Like the Battle of the Blackwater, their interactions breaks up the tedium of the fighting and helps our budget.

Idc about the outside battle tbh, it was fine. It can pretty much be what happened. Losing all the Dothraki / having everyone outside Winterfell was colossally stupid though.

Arya fights a White Walker one v. one and kills it. A few other of these fights - at least one or two ending in death - would also be good.

The crypts come alive. Sansa, Missandei, and co. are forced to flee the crypts as they’re overwhelmed by the dead. Sansa has the idea to set the crypt on fire based on something Jon said last episode in a battle meeting. Missandei helps her and maybe pulls her out of the line of fire at the last second. 

Grey Worm, Jorah, Tormund, Thoros, all die at some point. Also probably Lord Royce. 

Generally, minus a few good dead WW, our heroes are losing. There’s a final charge that takes out a bunch of the people we know and love. Jon and Sansa run into each other as she’s fleeing the tunnels, he says they have to abandon Winterfell, it’s super dramatic, “we just got it back, we can’t!” type fighting.

The White Walker’s walk past Jon, Sansa, et al. towards the godwood. They both look at each other: “BRAN!”

We have roughly the same set up with Bran in the godswood. We see a scene intercutting him seeing something about the background, history, creation, whatever of the White Walkers - what do they want? Why are they rising? - with men falling for him.

Finally, Theon falls. We hear / see Sansa screaming as Jon and Arya pull her away from Winterfell

Drogon and Dany appear, seemingly out of no where, and grab Bran out of his wheelchair

Dany starts flaming the Night’s King

Sad music swells as people are shoved onto horses, behind Dothraki, into wagons, anything that can move. We see a small force fleeing Winterfell. Sansa’s on a horse next to Jon, we see her looking at the people being picked off by the dead and Dany’s attack on the godswood. “we have to burn it. All of it.”

Jon nods, calls for Drogon, joins Dany in torching Winterfell

We get confirmation that Arya made it out okay because she stops to swoop up some child (the one from the opening) onto the back of her horse

Ep 3

sad as hell. everything is dark and night.

Cersei gets word that the North has fallen, but night has not recovered in the south either.

dissent among Cersei’s ranks because of all these signs

Jon explains his parentage to his FAMILY not his LOVER, huddled around a fire together. Arya reinforces you’re still our brother, Sansa agrees, but worries what Dany will do if she finds out. Jon assures her there’s no problem

The camera hovers on a little child in the shadows of the fire, staring at them, who then runs off.

Later, same child appears and reports to Varys. Varys talks about things with Tyrion.

Missandei grieves Grey Worm with Dany

War council where Arya’s knowledge of the Riverlands comes into play, somehow; also she hooks up with Gendry in this episode

This is probably the shorter episode of the season as they flee South.

Ep 4

this is also still in darkness

Varys tries to stage a coup, somehow. I don’t have details because this thing was so poorly staged and he should have died eons ago, but roughly what happened in show canon. tries to convince someone they’re following a madwoman to war and she doesn’t know what she’s doingDany is incredibly hurt that Jon didn’t tell  her the truth.

at some point, there’s growling on the edge of their camp. Arya is nearby, comes out with her sword drawn to attack whatever beast lurks. Its Nymeria and her whole pack. Arya claims her as a rider / bonded human and they now have 500 wolves to fight the dead

this is also when we run into Jaime again

Dany is less weird about things, but still weird

they get to King’s Landing, host another council to discuss issuesDany says the lights aren’t coming back on, asks Cersei to let them defend the city. Together.

Cersei refuses, but Dany, Sansa, Jon, Arya + co. set up shop outside anyway, ready to die for humanity.

At some point, Bran cryptically tells them that only the end of light can bring the darkness to an end.

Ep 5

In the still before the battle, Jon and Dany have a chat about futures, children, etc. what this whole war (and show/series) is about and what later looks like. He admits he didn’t tell her because of Sansa’s fears and what she expected anyway.

battle is brutal, the WW easily break into King’s Landing, killing people, raising the dead, etc.

Jon and Dany realize, based on their earlier conversation, that the dragons have to die to save the world and fly them into the curtain of light at the end

at some point, Cersei and Jaime die

episode ends with the sunrise

Ep 6

a lot of mourning - like that speech Jon gave in show 804. 

Eventually, great council tries to figure out the world and who will rule it.

Sansa gives her independent North speech and names Bran their king, inviting the remaining Dothraki and Unsullied to come populate it in Dany’s memory. The other realms scatter as well.

our last scene is a montage:

Sansa instructing builders around Winterfell as they raise some tower, some faceless/generic man comes up to her and sets a hand on her belly in a hug from behind, then a little redhead comes crying “momma, momma, look what I can do!” or something

We pan over Arya teaching some dark-haired child how to fight, then it gets leaped on by a little wolf

Bran sitting under the tree, smiling creepily, and we pan up into the sky.

There’s obviously a lot of details missing and a lot that doesn’t make sense, but oh well such is life.

[demonsofhunting]

All My Sins - Chapter 16

Pairing: priest!Cas x demon!Dean 

Summary: Things are getting really bad for our desperate lovers. How the hell are they supposed to fight these hellhounds, including the one demon that is left? Everything is falling apart...

Warnings: sweet aaaaaand terrifying ANGST, lots of blood, the strong violence continues once more...XD

Words: about 1200

A/N: I`M BACK OMG AHAHAHAHAHAHA! :D I know that I left you at a horrible cliffhanger last chapter and I'm so sorry for that. XD I just needed to take a break. ;) But now everything is coming back together, and I'm heading in a great direction. I hope you forgive me haha, and I'm sending tons of hugs your way once more! <3 Soooo, another chapter of sweet torture. *evil laughter* They almost made it through, don't worry. XD From now on I will update normally, so every Friday. I love u guys! <3

PS: I know that there are three hellhounds in the gif, but only two in the fic. But the gif captures this chapter perfectly, so...we have to deal with that XD

Catch up here ( Masterlist ) :D

I hope you`ll like it! Enjoy! Aaaaand let me know what you think! <3

Dean Winchester closes his eyes. He inhales, deeply, followed by a slow exhale. He doesn't want to open them again. Ever. But he does anyway. Ready to fight. I have to. "What up, asshole?" he mutters, slowly walking backwards. The hellhound growls, low and terrifying. Dean's heart skips a beat and he stops breathing for a moment. Well shit. The hand, in which he still holds Meg's blade, starts to shake, uncontrollably. Suddenly, it seems small and unnecessary. It's way too small to beat the hounds of hell...I'm fucked. There are two of them, still just having a strange kind of staring contest with him - while growling and drooling onto the ground. They wait for me to make my next move. They want me to run away, want to hunt me down...want to feast on my flesh. Or not. In this exact moment, the bigger one of them crouches down, just to jump into Dean's direction, who cries out in surprise and attacks the monster in hurry. The young man even manages to stab the beast right into one of its red eyes. Black blood spills on his clothes, and he quickly makes a run for it, as the other hellhound begins to approach him too. The adrenaline, that pumped through his veins before, is suddenly just gone without a trace. Trembling fear takes its place. "CAS!" He doesn't even care anymore. Just wants to save the only thing he has left. I have to get him. What if the other demon already got to him. What - He can feel his throat getting all sore like he's about to cry. But he doesn't. There is no time. He just runs as fast as he can. Runs for his life. Once again. "CAAAAASSSS!" Am I that for away from the place where I lost him...? I don't even know anymore. Everything looks the same! Then he hears a familiar voice shouting in the distance, desperately. "DEAN!" Relief makes his muscles relax for a stupid second.                                                Cas is okay. And that's everything that matters. I wanted to get away - just to save him. But I can't do that. I need him. He needs me. I'm gonna - He is so happy to hear his love's voice that he suddenly forgets everything around him...and stumbles. He falls to the ground, tasting the dirt and mud with sudden brutality. "Fuck!" That's all he can say, but it's already too late. Suddenly, huge claws are everywhere, ripping him apart... He never felt that much pain in his whole life. But all he can think about is Castiel Novak, the man who did everything for him - until the very end. I just wish that I could say goodbye to him... --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"CAAAAAAASSS!" Castiel hears Dean's scream and freezes, immediately. Keep running, idiot! He escalates again, even though he is more than just a little out of breath. Dean... "Angel...where did you go, honey?" the demon mocks way behind him. At least Cas managed to get some room between him and his enemy. Yay. His chest feels like his skin is getting ripped off, slowly, and it gets worse with every single step he takes. Nothing compared to the screams that he hears out of Dean's direction, though. He can't help it. "DEAN!" A few more meters...almost done... Every step takes an eternity. "Angel...I'm coming to get you! I'm gonna eat your heart!" the demon screams, his voice echoing through the dark trees. He is getting closer and closer...looks like he finally understood that he might actually lose Cas if he doesn't try harder. "WHERE ARE YOU?!" Oh no. Now he's getting angry. The priest opens his mouth again. "D - " In the moment, he hears the most terrifying scream he ever heard. Filled with unbelievable pain and sorrow...absolute despair. It makes his eyes water and his blood run icy cold. His limbs are numb, he just somehow stumbles forward. A few more steps, made like he's captured in a horrible trance of death and gore. Then he sees it. Them. Dean is lying on the ground, fighting against two horrible monsters. They look like big dogs...monstrous dogs. And they are literally ripping him into shreds. His clothes are nothing more than bloody materials without any shape, his chest is covered in claw marks. Blood is streaming out of several wounds. An hour ago, Dean Winchester had it all together somehow, even though the situation was that what you could call pure shit. But now he is screaming like...well, like he is getting skinned. Castiel is about to just pass out, but he fights it.                                     Dean...I'm...I have to do something! He sprints forward, tackling the biggest monster of them. He doesn't even think about it, not even a bloody second. Just does it. Recklessly. His mind has been shut off, to exhausted by all the traumatic things he had to go through during the last days...weeks. The priest collides with the living monstrosity. It hurts, god, it hurts so bad. Like he ran right against a stone wall. "C - Cas!" Then the other big dog hits him in the face, brutally. It smacks him to the ground - obviously, not before throwing him backwards against a tree to cause more damage to him. Castiel could swear that he just heard his spine break as his back collided with the hard wood. Now he lies on the ground, unable to move. I...I can't breathe. His face feels like it's on fire. He can't see anything. There is just a dark, disgusting red. Dean... Cas makes a weak attempt to get on his feet, or at least crawl away...but he doesn't make it. Before he can realise anything - or gain his sight back - two firm hands grab him, and pull him up, violently. He tries to get free, but the demon is way to strong for him to handle. Especially in this poor condition. "Gotcha!" the creature purrs, then the priest feels a sharp pain in his shoulder and screams. "And? How does it feel, huh? Actually, we wanted to kill you in front of Winchester, but things have changed, I guess. Let's just improve" the demon giggles, and turns the knife around that is sticking out of Castiel's flesh. The cut is deep. That's it. At least I tried. Tears are streaming down his face as he bites his bottom lip until he can taste his own blood. Then so it be.. At least Dean and I can be together when I'll join him in hell...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Enough!" A firm voice, followed by a loud gun shot. Two shots. Three. Four. Five. Then the demon begins to scream, terrifyingly. He loses his grip, and the priest sinks to the ground, almost about to pass out. He blinks, trying his best to clear his sight. "D - Dean...?" he rasps. But it's an unfamiliar voice that answers. "He's badly hurt, but he's strong enough to make it. Don't worry. He's going to be okay. The hell are you guys doing out here?!" 

( A/N: Next chapter on Januray 24, 2020 <3 )

That was chapter 16! Thank you so much for reading, and if you would like to leave a comment or reblog this shit, I will ove you forever! <3

Tag lists are open!

Destiel/Forever Tags: @adoptdontshoppets​ @rebeloftheseas @ablavalba​ @smodernlife​ @ignis-glaciesque​ @certaindeanwinchesterforcastiel​ @xsghn @helpmeluci​ @trenchcoatsandfreckles​ @legendary-destiel​ @leahslovelyibrary

'All My Sins' Tags: @emodestielshipper​ @emumag​ @waywardtricksterangel​ @didntwanderstillgotlost​ @angel-e-v-a​ @too-old-for-fangirling-but-idc​ @justanotherfangirl511​

[moshofmuses]

Da Rules

⚠️ = A pretty important rule on my blog. If you’re in a hurry, just read these bullets. The rest is basically either common sense or not very important.

—-

⚠️This blog has gone through many changes recently. As of right now, Grimm is the main muse. Main muse gets most of their drafts published right away. While side muses are slower and go through the queue most of the time.

⚠️None of the icons belong to me (a few do, but idc if they’re credited or not.) If you are the artist, let me know if you want it taken down. I DO NOT accept people who are NOT the artist telling me to take it down. Do not speak for others.

⚠️I try to stay with one thread per muse with your muse. If you want your muse to have a thread with each of mine, that fine and I encourage it! If you want 15 of your muses to rp with one of mine, that’s fine too! AUs are also fine! I just don’t want 50 threads between the same muses. When you start a new one, I will drop the old one unless I am really into it (if that is so, i will keep both.) CRACK + ONE LINERS are not included in this. Feel free to reply to any crack and I will keep any threads we have still!

Opens are for anyone! Too timid to approach and ask for one? Just look on the open pages for the muses, and see if there are any that floats your goat, go ahead and reply and I’ll get back to it when I can! Honestly I encourage replies to opens.

⚠️NSFW is allowed, but not smut really. I don’t like smut really, but things like violence, gore, and all that is fine and I like it. I also don't like fighting RPs

Any age is welcome to my blog. I will be honest, I have a LOT more patience with younger folk than adults.

⚠️If you send me an IM, don’t expect a reply back, or at least for a while. I would really prefer NOT to use IMs, as it causes anxiety and I just don’t like it. I only answer IMs on breaks at work (which is early morning.) If you spam my IMs, it’s automatic block. To contact me (and preferred and quicker) ask for my discord. I will pretty much give it to anyone, mutual or not.

    -If you have me on discord, and you message me on IMs here, I will not reply. IMs are for people who don’t have discord or wish to build up trust before adding me.

⚠️Please only ask about a thread if you have actively seen me replying to threads. And keep this in mind before you ask me; Would I want to be asked this soon? If the answer is no, then probably don’t ask. All that I ask, is if you do ask, do so once. I don’t like to be poked a lot. This goes the same for PMs. Also I do not want any poking regarding threads, this includes: Liking the post after a day or so (unless you are saving it) asking if I got the thread, asking anything about the thread, reblogging the thread again. Etc. DON'T DO IT.

⚠️Generally, please wait about three days before asking.

I usually don’t reply to tags. It’s not that I am ignoring you, I just forget due to me drafting everything asap.

This blog is no longer mutual only. I will RP with anyone. No matter your skills or characters. Though keep in mind, if you do taboo things such as god mod and such, then I will NOT RP with you.

I will no longer RP with personals. Due to events on my previous blog that made me move, I don’t want personals interacting with this blog at all.

Me unfollowing you will happen for the following; You have untagged stuff I don’t want to see, post too much ooc (I am perfectly fine with ooc talk, but if you’re reblogging pictures and random posts that has NOTHING to do with your muse, I will PROBABLY unfollow (unless it amuses me or I don’t mind it.) WHEN I UNFOLLOW it means I will STILL RP with you. I just didn’t want your stuff on my dash.

Blocking= You give me bad vibes, I don’t like the way you talk to me, you vague post, issues that are with YOU and not the blog. WHEN I BLOCK SOMEONE, I will NOT RP with them or talk to them or anything. I give no warnings, cuz I don’t have to.

I will never soft block someone.

I will RP with ANY fandom. Whether I know it or not. (I honestly like to go in blind. My muse doesn’t know yours so it makes it more realistic and I learn things with my muse.)

Mun =/= Muse.

Paragraphs > one liners. That being said, most of my starters will be one liners.

I REALLY do NOT like RPing nothing but one liners. I don’t mind it here and there in an RP when it’s just a paragraph, but nothing but one liners.. I can’t focus on them and I lose interest, thus I will drop it. Sorry if you can’t do longer threads, but I can’t do nothing but short replies.

    Note: If you do do one liners, I will make an honest attempt to keep the thread going. I can keep one going if the other person tries as well. It’s called effort and I can work with effort.

I ship with chemistry. Please don’t be hurt if I don’t approve of a ship.

This blog is mutliship.

I usually stay away from multi threads. (Unless with multi muses and it’s with a different character.)

Don’t like a starter call if you don’t intend to reply. I don’t remind people due to anxiety.

No god modding, auto hitting, etc. We all know that stuff. Don’t do it. Unless you get permission of course

I do not send pass words for rules read. I admit, I DO forget, or I’ve read so many they blend together.

Mun is a potato.

Mun uses he/him pronouns himself, however, I really do not care what you refer to me as. Whatever you see me as is okay by me~. (He/him/she/her/they/them. It all works.)

⚠️If you make a starter in my ask, reply to it in a separate post. Honestly if you don’t do this, there’s a big chance I won’t reply.

⚠️Please do not spam me. Whether it’s asks or IMs. I don’t mind continuations off of a message, but spamming me is a no no. As in don’t send another message after your 2nd message to me. This ALSO includes like spamming. That will get you blocked. (Unless it’s a friend trolling me or something.)

This blog does contain considerable amount of OOC posts, they are tagged as ‘Ti speaks.’ or if it’s a pic of video ‘not rp’ or ‘ooc’

Do not reblog RPs you are part of.

⚠️I AM NOT YOUR THERAPIST. Please do NOT come to me with your problems. Only very close friends may vent to me that I feel comfortable with. I’m sorry this sounds mean but it really affects my own health when I start helping random strangers. If you come to me starting something, I will probably ignore it.

I AM FLEXIBLE, I CAN and WILL make exceptions! Just ask about whatever is on your mind.

I am perfectly fine with RPing with someone who doesn’t use icons. I use mine out of habit and it doesn’t feel right NOT using them. But I imagine pictures and scenes of what’s happening in my head.

⚠️I work a full time job. I am at work for nine hours or more, five days a week. I work from 10pm-7am PST. I sometimes have very low energy at points and don’t do much. Work seriously affects my mood to write. If I have a good day, I have an easier time writing, if I have a bad day, it’s hard to write. Please understand I also have a low social battery, I am not a social creature, and if I talk too much, or talk to too many people, I get drained and that leads to bad depression. So please do not poke me too much for replies. Doing so will upset me very much, and I will withdraw. And that is not fair to everyone else.

⚠️And the most important rule on this blog– HAVE FUN!

—-

If you have read my rules, please either like this post, or reply to it with your side blog urls. I will be more understanding to people who have read these.

If someone doesn’t read my rules, and breaks them, I will simply say ‘read my rules.’

-Ti

[tenacityblitz]

all the numbers u haven't done

roleplaying habits questions.

1. what’s a grammar rule you find yourself breaking or ignoring a lot?

Offhand I can’t really think of anything?? English is my first language so I don’t knowingly break any grammar rules anyway. Unless possible excessive use of commas counts bc I use commas a lot.

2. are there any languages besides english in which you think you could comfortably roleplay?

Unless Gibberish counts bc I learned that stupid crack language back when I was a kid but good lord I would not have the patience to actually type out a reply like that. 

3. how often do you reach for a synonym dictionary when writing? how about mentally?

Sometimes but not too frequently. Depends on how flowery I’m trying to write something or if I’m thinking of a word but I don’t like the first descriptive word that came to mind for what I’m trying to express.

4. how often do you need to translate your own or the other’s writing with a dictionary or google when writing and reading replies?

Never tbh. Especially since I don’t RP in any other languages, all my RP partners have a good enough grasp on English that I can always tell what they were at least trying to say in their reply.

5. do you listen to music while your write?

I used to need music playing in the background to help me focus on doing drafts, but nowadays I need more silence than anything to help focus and produce what I think is a quality response to a longer thread. Short one or two liner things idc what’s in the background. 

6. do you have ideal writing circumstances when you can do a lot of drafts or tackle really long ones very easily?

I can fluctuate with when I best write. Typically I write better at night when the house is quiet and any noise happening in the house is a noise I make, but I’ve had writing inspiration hit me at any time of the day before.

7. are you a morning, day, evening, or night writer?

Bold of you to assume I’m awake during morning hours that don’t include 5 AM bc I’m still awake haha. When I’m not swamped with commissions to do I typically write better during the day or at night when I’m the only person awake in the house and I don’t have any outside distractions from a person IRL.

8. how does tiredness affect your writing?

Not overly so sometimes, I know there’ve been times in the past where I powered through replies even though I wanted to go to bed just because I was riding the motivation train and I didn’t want to lose it and not get to those last replies for who knows how long. But on Discord at least I often have reply to Discord threads be one of the last things I do before I go to sleep so I go to bed knowing I don’t owe anyone a reply on there.

9. have you ever written a serious reply intoxicated?

Not a serious reply anyway. I’ve been on the dashboard before while intoxicated (ColossalCon East was a prime example haha) but I’ve never really RP’d while that intoxicated

10. how much do you proof-read as you are writing vs. proof-read at the end?

I’ll proof read as I go but also give it one last read before I actually hit publish.

11. when you are writing a reply, how much ahead in the thread do you plan?

Entirely depends on the thread. I could write it on the fly or I could have days to think about it from external factors keeping me from getting to the reply as soon as it comes back to me.

12. is there ever been a time when you’ve had to drop a roleplaying partner because you’ve found their writing style exhausting?

Yes actually, gather round for RP horror storytime haha. Flash back to 2013 while I was still in the Black Butler fandom. I stupidly decided to give writing Sebastian a try at the request of a Ciel I’d made friends with (probably through my old Alois or Lizzie blog). She was a nice enough girl, close enough to my age so she seemed plenty mature, and had been what I thought was a good enough writer to warrant trying my hand at a muse I wouldn’t have otherwise thought to try. Legit within days of me making the Sebastian blog she was getting super clingy in her IC posts making Ciel a whiny baby missing Sebastian, would try and guilt me in IC posts to get on and write with her, and I dealt with it for about two weeks before I deleted Sebastian’s blog without warning and deleted the girl off Skype. To this day it’s the only blog I think I’ve ever consciously deleted.

13. does writing roleplay things in public spaces make you uncomfortable?

Not really? I wouldn’t be crazy about a stranger reading over my shoulder while I was writing bc that’s just weird, but I’ve gone to Starbucks or one of the local malls before on my off days (back when I was still at my last job) and I’d do RP stuff there just to get out of the house.

14. how often do you need to change the icon in your reply while or after writing the reply?

Typically I don’t put in icons until I’m done writing the reply unless I go into the reply knowing exactly which one I want to use, or think of a good one while I’m writing it out.

15. do you first get in the “zone” when writing, or do you start writing and “enter” it that way?

Nowadays I just start writing and then get into the zone after I get the first reply done. Discord replies I can chug out any time of day without difficulty, but for whatever reason Tumblr I have to be in the right mindset for. 

16. what is your biggest obstacle to writing every day, if time doesn’t count?

Back when I was at my last job, it would be getting a lot of writing muse while I was busy at work and unable to get on my own laptop or sneak onto Tumblr on an office computer and at least type out the bulk of a reply (yes I was employee of the month many times haha), and by the time I was able to get to my own computer or be safe enough to get on a work computer, that writing muse would be gone.

17. what’s your inbox count currently? what did you do to get it so high/low?

Right now I have 15 IC asks. I won’t lie, two of them are from last years Valentine’s Day bc I was away at Katsucon at the time of receiving them and by the time I got home I still just never got around to answering the asks, but I didn’t want to delete them either so I just kept them for posterity. Some are from this past Christmas that I was terrible and haven’t answered yet bc I’ve been so swamped with commissions, some are from other random meme’s I’ve reblogged and gotten an ask or two for and also just never got around to. I’m horrible at replying to asks most of the time and I know it but I always appreciate whenever people take the time to send me an IC one.

18. how many drafts is a paralysing amount?

I’d guess I’d say over 15 like para thread replies would make me be like -insert meme song- ‘how could this happen to meeeee’. I’m not quite at that point yet but I’ll get there eventually if I’m not careful lol.

19. if you are writing a wrong reply that’s not working out, do you save what you have to be continued at another date, or do you scrap it and rewrite?

Usually I would just draft what I have and go back to it. I can’t remember the last time I scrapepd an unfinished draft and completely rewrote it.

20. longest reply you’ve ever writen on mobile?

N/A because I don’t do replies on mobile. I’ll send asks on mobile but I never reply to actual IC things while on my phone unless it’s something stupid and cracky or one-liner-ish.

21. does the total amount of threads you have going on matter to you, or just how many you owe?

Doesn’t really matter. I can have one thread with one person, I could have five threads with one person. @shinvcho is an example of the latter lol

22. what’s your thought process when you format? any unspoken rules you follow?

I’ve kept to the same formatting for years and years tbh. I’m too lazy to do excessive formatting beyond italicizing and/or bolding specific words for emphasis and spacing out the start of a new paragraph. Anything more than that to me is just tedious and unnecessary; I don’t want to make it difficult for my partners to read.

23. how does your follower count affect your mood?

Anyone who says they don’t appreciate or enjoy even a small spike in followers is a liar, because we live in an age where validation is held in high regard and it feels good to get the validation of seeing more people enjoy what we do on our blogs enough to put us on their dashboards. But it also doesn’t really matter to me when I lose followers because I have a mutual checker so I can unfollow a mutual back if they did so first so I don’t feel uncomfy still following someone who no longer wanted me on their dash lol.

[helly-watermelonsmellinfellon]

Fantastic Beasts: CoG Thoughts and Observations

*SPOILERS* Press ‘J’ if you want to skip to the next post.

Grindelwald is a badass. I don’t even like him and yet he’s a fucking badass. He was in fucking prison for 6 months and they had to change his guards multiple times because he’s so damn charismatic that he kept luring the Aurors to his side!

He then got out long before he was supposed to be transported and literally took out everyone on the transport team. And he drove the damn carriage and without even looking behind him, directed bolts of lightning to take out some of the Aurors on their brooms.

He did not come to play.

Newt is still my adorable child. He’s so awkward and still feels like he did in the first film which is great. A lot of people whined about how he wasn’t ‘manly enough’. Because Newt shows compassion on the regular and is more soft-spoken and not interested in ‘manly professions’ or some shit, so he doesn’t fit the ridiculous type of masculinity Hollywood shoves down our throats and dudebros can’t relate to him.

“There are no strange creatures, only wicked people,” is a great line and should be used in reference to animals as well since some people still walk around acting like sharks and pitbulls are evil incarnate. I really love Newt.

Leta knows him well enough to know what he’d say in response to her comment. They have an awkward air of camaraderie about them.

Newt stood up to a teacher with that line of his and got a month’s worth of detention. Leta left a dungbomb in his office to get back at him so she could join Newt. Good friends fight the intolerant assholes in charge of your education together.

Theseus gives off this smarmy vibe. I seen people praise him as a good brother but at present just the way he stands annoys me. And it makes me sad that Newt feels like he can’t be himself in order to be rightfully treated like a human being should be treated.

The dude playing Theseus really does resemble Eddie though, so props for getting that right at least. I can believe they’re siblings.

As usual the Ministry is useless. Grindels is literally the reason NYC got fucked up. Him and his messing with Credence. Newt made some mistakes but actually worked to fix them and then saved all their asses in the process. Why is he getting blamed with misinformation? Even in the 20s Magical Britain’s Ministry is full of morons.

There’s a black dude in a high Ministry position. I think there are more POC in this film than all the HP films combined, jfc. ‘bout time!

Also, they never told Newt that Credence is alive and are now using that fact as a way to try and guilt-trip him into joining the Ministry. Cleverish I suppose, but I still don’t like them.

Some dude just referred to Credence as an IT. wtf? Credence is a wizard who, because magical people suck at getting abused children the help they need, ended up a massive mess. He’s not some thing to be treated like shit!

The brothers are arguing and Newt starts spouting off things he’s mostly likely heard from Theseus and his parents. I will admit Theseus seems less annoying now that he’s spoken a bit, but the fact that Newt starts saying, “Okay, right, here we go, selfish, irresponsible-” speaks of somebody who is used to being compared to another and having what others consider to be ‘faults’ shoved in his face and complained about. That sucks a lot.

Okay, Theseus isn’t as annoying as I expected him to be. He does seem to care for Newt and understand how his mind works to an extent. He isn’t offended that Newt doesn’t go to hug him back. Newt is just awkward with physical contact from humans. He’s always seemed to be on the spectrum for me and I’ve only recently found out that others feel the same, which makes his character more interesting imo.

Grindels is in lift shoes! Needs that extra height that badly? 5′10 isn’t short or anything but he really needed that lift to 6′0″? XD

At least Grindels and the Gang are only using AKs(silently btw). I don’t get why everyone always acts like AK is the absolute worst spell in HP when literally it’s just a quick and painless death. There are a bajillion others spells that are actually terrifying.

Newt easily noticing that he’s being followed and fucking with his stalker is the best. People who say Newt is weak are effin stupid.

I would not take the hand of some random glove hovering in my face. Now way, no how. idc who it might belong to, that’s some shady shit. I don’t trust people.

Though we have to admit that the glove forcibly Apparating him, even if it’s a small distance is pretty cool. Dumbles annoys me but as Phineas Nigellus will say in the future, “He’s got style.”

The fact that Newt knew it was Dumbles makes me wonder if Dumbles has done this before.

Dumbles literally just summoned a big ass fog to cover the city! I don’t like him but he keeps impressing me! It’s annoying! Stop it!

“A Phoenix will come to any Dumbledore in desperate need.” Interesting.

A wizard doing sleight of hand. Oi vey. Dumbles is a drama queen to the umpteenth degree.

God he was a cryptic asshat even back then. It’s very easy to believe this dude becomes the Dumbledore we all know. I think people are just bitching because they refuse to see Dumbledore for who he is. Lots of people whining about ‘how manipulative Jude’s Dumbledore is’ not realizing that HP-Dumbles is literally a Master Manipulator.

Baby Nifflers are effin adorable and I love how well Newt knows them!

Newt literally has someone working for him. And he’s been nothing but reassuring in his own way. He especially tells her to avoid the Kelpie because he doesn’t want her to get hurt. I have seen several people whining about him ‘being mean’ to her and I just have to ask, are y’all fucking stupid? He knows his creatures and when he tells her to not go near one alone because of how dangerous it is and she might lose a finger, he’s not being mean. He’s being a responsible employer. I know some of your bosses don’t give a shit about your well being, but Newt is actually a decent bloke. Chill the fuck out.

She’s flirting with him and is really bad at it. But it’s kinda funny at the same time.

Also can we just stop and talk about how talented Newt is that he can create such realistic habitats in such seemingly small and cramped places? He’s really good at magic.

Queenie and Jacob are cute. And to all the people whining about how ‘unnecessary’ he is to the plot, can y’all chill? He is there for a reason. To show how fucked up MACUSA is when it comes to dealing with Muggles. Queenie will literally be imprisoned if they find out she’s with a Muggle. It’s ridiculous and his character is supposed to show how even the American wizards are messed up.

Queenie calling Newt, ‘honey’ is sweet. I swear she’s the Molly of this new group of friends. Seems like she wants to take care of people and just adopts everyone who comes along.

God, even the magical gossip rags are shit even back then. They deliberately made it so it looked as if Newt and Leta were a thing. Though tbh nothing really happened between Newt and Tina in the first film so her being all offended over him possibly marrying another woman is ridiculous.

These weird shots that are supposed to be directly from someone’s point of view are a bit annoying, I must admit. It’s kind of like watching through a somewhat less annoying fish-eye lens, but still annoying anyway.

Newt is very smart. He notices very quickly that Jacob is out of sorts and that he hasn’t been acting normally. He deduces very quickly that something is up and then stops it.

I really like how level-headed Jacob is about everything considering all the crap he’s just thrown into. He cares enough about Queenie to not want her to be imprisoned/possibly killed for breaking a stupid law. I got really emotional at that part because MACUSA is full of idiots.

Jacob is right though, she’s not being sensible. There’s a lot at stake and it isn’t smart for them to marry yet no matter how much they want to. 

Jacob looks at the bird thing and then’s just like, “I got my own problems.” He’s been through enough shit to just not care atm.

And now everyone’s basically going to Paris anyway.

Walking through weird barriers into new places should no longer impress me but it still does!

The magical circus looks kind of awesome but the I’m also not a fan of how circuses are handled. So it’s this cross between amazement and annoyance at the inhumane way animals(in this case creatures) are being handled.

Literally, they are kept locked up in filthy places, I am unhappy! Also Claudia Kim, who portrays Nagini, is so very beautiful and I am so very gay.

Nagini’s hair has that little serpent-like curl at the end as it rests against her neck. It’s such an awesome little detail to throw in there.

Her transformation is really cool btw.

Wow! You treat the creatures like shit and mock them, and get all confused when they attack you? I hope pain was dealt.

What is it with all the bad guys in everything having to incorporate skulls into their dirty business? Is this supposed to be a play on the whole skulls and crossbones thing meaning death?

Though Grindels does make it more interesting than some wiggly tattoo at least.

Dumbles is considered the greatest threat to his cause when he’s practically been doing nothing but playing teacher. That’s some high praise I suppose.

He’s already known as ‘The Great Albus Dumbledore’! What did he do to gain such belief in his prowess? He’s like 46!

Newt’s asking Jacob for advice on what to say when he sees Tina again, and Jacob gives him great advise. “Best not to plan these things.” It’s good. And then Newt’s like, “She has eyes just like a salamander,” and Jacob’s tune changes immediately! XD “Don’t say that!”

Jacob is a good friend. I really like him!

Jacob’s reactions are the greatest because he’s literally like an in-universe representation of the fandom when we saw magic in the movies for the first time!

Do people know that Eddie Redmayne actually licked the ground?

Newt talking about how narrow Tina’s feet are and Jacob just being like, ‘okaaaaaaay’ is the best!

Queenie must be so lost. Hearing all these thoughts and not knowing the language they’re in. And it must be stressful to not only be in an unfamiliar place but also be completely unprepared for everything going on.

That is the perfect moment to trick her. Literally, I don’t get how people can’t see that she’s emotionally vulnerable and a prime target for manipulation right now.

Credence is just a mess. He needs friends. Glad Nagini seems to be filling in that role but honestly he needs a few more. Those who are ‘cursed’ in essence, like he is. So they’ll understand him.

I really love Jacob’s character. He’s just so amazed by magic and all the things it can do. ^-^

Newt! Knows how to tame and capture creatures he’s never even met before! Zuowus are cute imo.

Hedwig’s Theme, I am crying!

Also, Hogwarts brings back my feels.

Very confused about the McGonagall thing unless this involves time-travel which idk how advanced that was at the time.

The fucking Aurors just break into the class and Head dude’s like, “I can go wherever I please. OUT!” And all the kids just standing there and look to Dumbledore for direction. It’s fucking hilarious that they won’t even listen to the dude who could imprison them with whatever excuse he can make up. 

Now, there seems to be students of all ages in this classroom, which makes me wonder if it’s actually a class or Dumbledore has a Dueling Club set up, because he’s literally teaching a Gryffindor how to not make the same mistakes in a duel, right before owning his ass. idc what anyone says, no class of 17/11 year olds will have multiples students the size of first/seventh years in it. People are either really really tall or really really short. So I vote for a Dueling Club happening.

The Gryffindor who just lost the duel gets up in the dude’s face and is like, ‘he’s the best teacher we’ve got’. Props.

Dumbledore is way better than this Travis dude. And I mean by power and presence. I don’t like him any more than I do the Travis dude. Meaning not at all, But you get what I mean. Dumbles is far better for the good guys than this hoity toity asshat who thinks that because he’s Head Auror he can do anything he wants. Him ignoring Dumbledore’s warning is going to get a lot of people killed.

“We were closer than brothers.” How else can anyone take that? What is closer than a familial tie? A romantic one! Duh!

He’s banned from teaching DADA. But he isn’t banned from teaching any other class! Travis should have been more specific! This is probably how Dumbledore ended up teaching Transfiguration during Tom’s time at school since he doesn’t fight Grindels until 1945. I love loopholes!

Are the candles in the Great Hall just lit all the time?

I for one, think that ‘Talk Shit, Get Hit’ is a very wonderful saying to take to heart. So when people were talking shit about Leta, she damn well deserved to tear them a new asshole over it! I applaud her for cursing that gossiping little bitch’s mouth shut in the corridor. She deserved it. I am a blood-thirsty bitch!

Young-Newt literally looked like a young Eddie Redmayne. Superb casting on that part, God damn! He even got all of Eddie’s chosen mannerisms down!

You know, I’m not shocked that Leta’s being harassed by Gryffindors. The whole school treats Slytherins like shit the moment they’re Sorted. Even when they aren’t raised on the magical side and know nothing about Slytherin’s reputation.

I have mentioned how annoying I find the weird fish-eye-like lens view, right? ‘Cause it’s annoying me again.

BTW, I will always firmly believe that Hufflepuff/Slytherin friendships are the strongest. That is a deadly combination right there.

Albus admits that he didn’t love Ariana as much as he should have. Age does somewhat remove that veil from the eyes, doesn’t it?

I really, honestly think that people just decided that anythngn they saw in this movie was going to be horrible and that’s why y’all are being a bunch of whiny bitches over everything. Queenie didn’t just up and decide hey, I’m joining Grindels! She’s honestly at the end of her rope and is getting manipulated. Y’all are fucking ridiculous. Don’t pay for tickets if you intend to find fault in everything the movie has to offer.

The good sis stands up and points her wand at Grindels despite knowing full well she wouldn’t be able to do shit to him. Temerity ftw.

You gotta give Grindels some props. This dude knows how to play on everyone’s soft points. He just sees them and immediately goes in for the kill. Was Voldy like this in the 70s? It makes more sense that people would follow him if he acted like this before ‘dying’ the first time. ‘Cause after his resurrection he wasn’t follow-worthy imo. Too frantic and mad to take seriously.

He literally tells her that she’s an ‘innocent’ and that ‘he doesn’t wish her harm’. He then tells her to leave, which puts her under the impression that she’s safe from him and can make her own choices. This is a prime manipulation tactic because she’ll come back eventually once she remembers that he supposedly gave her a choice and no one else will. She told Jacob he wasn’t giving her a choice, and now Grindels, the supposed bad guy, is doing just that. And he makes it like he understands her suffering in her desire for love without restriction. Even good guys make mistakes. Y’all want to kiss Dumbledore’s ass for every shit thing he did by saying he was trying to save the world, so you can get over Queenie having a lapse of judgment during an emotionally and mentally trying period.

Ah, the Mirror of Erised, in which you see your heart’s greatest desire. And Dumbledore sees him and Grindelwald alone.

Also, I’m just saying that pressing their hands together would have been enough to make the blood mix. Linking their fingers is not necessary at all.

Finally it’s just Grindelwald as he currently is, staring him down with an innocent expression. And Dumbledore’s sad smile is the only thing we see as the scene fades to black.

Newt is so good with creatures, I love him!

Every time he comes out of that case I am reminded of how slight Eddie is.

Newt asks Jacob to get the tweezers from his bag, but after the mishaps in the last film where British and American English were proven to be different to a degree, he goes on to explain what they look like and both Tina and Jacob are like ‘we know what they are, dude’. XD

They disinfect the unconscious dude, Tina gets her info and heads off. And Jacob tries to get her to come back and then looks at Newt and is all, “You didn’t mention salamanders, did you?”. XD

Upon Jacob’s insistence he goes after Tina and tells her she’s different from other Aurors because she’s got Middle Head, in reference to the middle head of a Runespoor which is said to be a Visionary/Dreamer and doesn’t argue like the heads on either side of it. Tina doesn’t want to kill Credence like everyone else which makes her a different kind of Auror.

So that whacky black shroud that covers the city is Grindels’ way of calling his peeps together?

Grindels’ appears before Credence and tells him he ‘wants nothing from him and wants everything for him, that Grindels never had’. He and Dumbles are perfect for each other. Master Manipulators. A certain kind of Dynamic Duo. Grindels even uses the whole ‘my boy’ thing!

The shot is on Jacob. His stomach growls and it pans down and then up. And Flamel is right behind him when it comes back up! Shit like that always gets me in films! The only kind of jumpscare I’m not into. I don’t like my back being exposed so shots like this kill me.

The Flamels don’t keep food in their house. What exactly was the exchange for living so long? Like, I just thought the Stone kept them youthful and stopped their aging, you know? Apparently they have no need of food. Wouldn’t living that long be boring as hell when you can’t even enjoy the basics of life?

“You don’t look a day over 375.” I love Jacob! XD

Seriously though. Nicki looks like he’ll fall apart at any moment. Is living forever like this really worth it?

Nicki “Hasn’t seen action in 200 years,” OMG!

Newt Polyjuices himself into looking like Theseus and calls him ‘an Auror and a hugger’ in this long-suffering but fond tone.

Theseus and Leta are literally right there too!

It was all going so well and then Theseus looks down and isn’t it always like that? The plot must continue on somehow? I’m dying! XD It was a good plan until that happened.

Tina gets him down with a flick of the wand? The War Hero? Really? Good for her!

Newt is such an awkward turtle. I love that they didn’t insist upon Eddie changing up the way he portrays him!

Newt describes Tina’s eyes as “Having and effect in person. Like fire in water, dark water,” and if that isn’t the nicest way to describe dark brown eyes idk what is. HE’S TRYING SO HARD NOT TO SAY THE SALAMANDER LINE! XD

SHE SAID IT INSTEAD! XD How she got that I have no idea. I don’t know shit about salamanders.

And Leta finds them and runs with them. I wonder if Tina is feeling awkward.

He’s known the Zouwu for so little time and it’s already cuddling up to him! The Snow White of fucking wizards, everyone! He is a cinnamon roll and must be kept safe!

Honestly I am proud I kept up with the whole Lestrange family tree business because holy shit it was convoluted!

The Lestranges are so sexist. Only the men get recorded on the family tree, what bullshit. Leta’s father Raped her mother via Imperius and never loved her. Frankly, a child being jealous of a new sibling that he did love shouldn’t be surprising. Kids make mistakes all the time and hating her for making a rash decision she didn’t fully understand at that age, is ridiculous. She didn’t even mean to get him killed. It’s not like she’s some super horrible person for that.

Newt gets this! He literally gets it! And she tells him “You’ve never met a monster you couldn’t love”. I hurt. She’s not a monster, she’s a fucking human being who made a grave mistake when she was like 7 and it haunted her for the rest of her life.

Nagini doesn’t trust Purebloods because, “They kill the likes of us for sport”. Her life must have sucked.

And here’s where is all leads up to. The literal Crimes of Grindelwald. And not in the sense of law-breaking, although there has been a lot of that. The title means in reference to an act of of great offense which isn’t illegal but still considered morally reprehensible, against another person or persons. He’s spent this whole time manipulating the hell out of everyone and doing things both illegal and simply sinful. Lying isn’t against the law, but the way he’s doing it is wrong, and it helps him commit his ‘crimes’.

Also what the hell is with evil people and graveyards/tombs? Is this a requirement in joining the dark side?

Grindels finds muggles “Not disposable but of a different disposition.” He’s really workin’ it because he knows the kinds of people who showed up to this little speech thing of his and he’s getting all of them at once.

He’s literally showing them a vision of what will happen in WWII with the bombs in order to scare them into joining his side. It’s what will ‘rise up’ from the muggles, and Jacob understands it instantly. Scare tactics ftw! He has a point in a sense. Could we really say that the leading governments of our world wouldn’t try to enslave magicals in order to have the most power over all other countries?

The Aurors are called down to face the crowd and Grindels knows just what to say to stir up feelings of distrust. Though they’re cops so it’s not shocking. They’re all power-hungry and with the experience a lot of the people have with Aurors, plus Grindels sweet-talking them all, of course some chick just up and moves against them and get murdered on the spot. Not even detained. Cops kill first and ask questions later, not shocking magic ones do the same.

Auror used an AK without hesitation. But you know, everyone says that is the most evil spell in HP, right? And no one, not even Aurors, should use it?

And as expected, it all plays in Grindels’ plans. I’m not shocked. “Spread the word. It is not we who are violent.” Right after an Auror just murdered someone. Talk about playing on the emotions.

The fire Grindels’ conjures is blue, compared to normal fire. Which means it’s hotter. Voldy’s fire was also blue. Is this just because they’re magically powerful or are both Dark Lords?

Grindelwald uses magic like he’s a conductor. It’s interesting because everyone else but Voldy has only ever had a death grip on their wands. Voldy holds his wand more gracefully and loosely.

Nagini does not side with Grindelwald. And she has a point. He knows what Credence is, not who he is.

Okay, so a lot of people died in the blue fire, but Newt was able to hold the fire off from consuming him several times. My child is so powerful! He’s just never violent with it! *APPLAUSE*

Queenie’s desperation makes me so sad. She and Jacob love each other but go about it very differently.

I can’t tell if Leta was saying ILY to Newt or Theseus. Maybe to both but with different meanings? Romantic Love isn’t the only kind of love out there. One is her long-time friend whom she could have romantic feelings for if their bond is deep enough. The other is her fiance though her bond with him doesn’t seem that deep. Confusing and shot deliberately like that to confuse us too.

She tries to kill Grindels knowing it won’t work. I like Leta. I don’t get why people don’t like her.

He’s literally using his fancy Fiendfyre to destroy Paris. This dude aims big!

Flamel is a genius and a bunch of people, most who aren’t trained Aurors, just had to put out some powerful magic that would have destroyed a whole city.

Newts hugs Theseus!

The Niffler lives and got the Blood Pact thing from Grindels! How did he not notice it?

Queenie’s skills are very useful to Grindels in how to deal with Credence without scaring him off. He knew what he was doing in manipulating her to his side.

Grindels and Dumbles agreed not to fight one another. Wonder what would happen if they turned their wands on each other with intent to do harm. Pain? Or maybe... their spells being directed elsewhere by some unseen force and hitting nearby things(*cough* Ariana *cough*)? 

So here’s where I am confused but I have many thoughts. A.) Percival Dumbledore died some time after 1890 but no date is given. He was in Azkaban during the time and immoral things happen in prison. He could be the father. B.) Kendra Dumbledore died in 1899 and Credence was born ‘circa’ 1901(meaning around that time frame but no specific details are known) so she could have birthed him. Albus wouldn’t know since he wasn’t very present at home and was distant to his siblings. Kendra isn’t actually a Dumbledore but she had the name, Credence doesn’t know the details, and Grindels could have sent the Phoenix in some way. C.) Grindels is just lying altogether but he’s really believable. D.) He used the word ‘brother’ to mean family, like how he addressed the people as his ‘brothers and sisters’. His fellow magical people. So perhaps he meant as in like Credence’s kin. So he could be a child of Aberforth who would be old enough to sire a child(teens do it all the time), or of their Aunt Honoria who could have had a kid for all people know.

Dumbles is the one to tell us all about the Phoenix thing first. Grindels strengthens that fact later on, making it not just some children’s tale. It’s all left to us to wonder if he’s lying about Credence or not.

I observed a lot.

So for the cinematography, it was really well done save for the fish-eye lens crap. I really didn’t like that. But I am a sucker for panning from above. Also clever use of the camera while certain people speak. Angles can do wonders to tell a story.

I thought the plot was very easy to follow. I’ve seen people whine about it not making sense but literally, in stories about multiple people, the POV shifts. A lot. In order to understand why everyone is doing what they are doing, you need to know what is going on from their ends. So yeah, why is everybody just randomly in France of all places? Paying attention lets you find out!

I do have one really big annoyance and it’s more for it taking this long instead of it happening at all. In the original HP films there really aren’t a lot of non-white actors portraying characters, even if they’re just extras to fill in for other students and such. In this film there were extras of all kinds of nationalities. I saw a lot of Black and Asian folks just filling up the background. And I’m glad the universe now seems more realistic and diverse. It’s just annoying that the most diverse of all the films in this fictional world, is the newest one and kinda makes the others a bit disappointing since the 20s were less progressive than the 90s.

My initial opinions on certain characters did change. Naturally I hate Dumbledore as a character no matter what but he’s more interesting than before. And I don’t really like Grindels all that much but he is a badass and watching him is interesting. Theseus and Leta grew on me with such little time. I cried for both of them. I’m disappointed but not shocked or angry at Queenie’s actions. I cried for her too. Flamel creeps me out still. I like Nagini. She’s been through some tough shit and is mildly distrustful of everyone. And now she’s away from possibly her only friend(I got not romance vibes between she and Credence btw).

I liked all the story-telling. There were a lot of creatures. A lot of talking. A decent amount of action. And humor spread out here and there for some levity.

I thought it was a fine film. It was good. I’d re-watch it with the first without hesitation. I had moments where I laughed, moments where I cried, and moments where I wasn’t sure what I was feeling at all.

Grade: A

[misha-moose-dean-burger-lover]

Prompt! You said detailed would make things easier, so I tried to make things specific, if its more than you meant, idc if you change stuff lol Sam&Gabriel under the stars. Gabriel misses his family in heaven, not that he'd necessarily give his brothers hugs if they showed up, but he misses how things used to be. He feels guilty about telling Sam beause Sams obviously not the biggest fan of his family (especially Lucifer+the cage) & he's happy with Sam so he feels ashamed of missing his brothers

Thank you for the prompt! I got to it finally, and it got very long, and kind of disappointing because I realized it had gotten too long and ended it - but I hope it’s as per your liking, dear anon! Thank you very much for suggesting me a prompt in the first place ^-^

***

“Sam,” Gabriel tried saying, and the hunter turned his head to face him, with a ‘listening’ expression on his features. It wasn’t often, at least these days, that Gabriel got to see Sam without the worrying frown, or the anxious crease in his forehead. But, for once, he was actually relaxed - a mild smile playing on his lips, and a mellow twinkle in his eyes.

It could have something to do with Gabriel laying next to him, with Sam’s arm tucked under him - pinned by his head resting against the plush grass.

Or, it could have something to do with the stars. The night sky that they were sprawled out under, twinkling with an infinite array of starry bodies - the moon giving her responsibilities away to the constellations as she rests behind a billowing grey cloud, and the starlight becoming instead what lights up the Earth that night.

Sam loved this, he knew. Of course he did - perhaps the stars and the sky made it impossible to worry, by telling you that there were greater forces of nature battling the Universe for order and peace - and that until the Sun rises and everyone has to go along their workaday world, you should get stop worrying yourself about the consequences and let go.

“Hey,” Sam reminded, his voice gentle as it cut through his reverie. Gabriel remembered that he’d just taken Sam’s name - was about to say something to him, rather than just muse in a poetic lingo in his head about the absence of Sam’s brooding lines.

Sam loved this, Gabriel knew. Which is what made it even harder to start speaking of what was in his mind.

It was not that Sam was getting impatient, but he repeated himself nonetheless. “Hey,” Once again, soft and comfortable. “You were saying?”

Gabriel looked at Sam once again, his loose-lipped smile and wide, concerned eyes. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t tell Sam.

“No,” He substituted, turning on his side to get closer to Sam - it did take away his view of the stars, but a view of his tall, strong hunter in plaid, smiling like he finally could, was more welcome to him, at the end of the day. “Said your name for no reason. Nevermind.” He forced a reassuring smile so practised, that Sam couldn’t read through it at the moment and believed him.

“Don’t wear it out,” Sam said, his dialogue carrying an intonation of humor, using his arm’s restricted movement to stroke Gabriel’s back. His eyes stayed on the archangel for but a second, before they flickered back up to the aweing sky, and Gabriel didn’t mind, because Sam was still smiling at the sky, and this was all Gabriel needed to be happy.

*

Except when it wasn’t.

Except when the voices in his own head rebelled against the rest of his conscience, and yearned for a familiar face, the sound of a brother’s voice, the touch of one of his kin.

Yet Sam’s arm around him elated him, and he was never not exhilarated to have this man next to him - close to him, as they were now. Stretched out on a meadow in Nova Scotia, under the vast and dark sky, without a care in the moment and Sam’s happy.

It’s all he needs to be happy, Gabriel promises himself, it truly is.

Except when it isn’t.

*

“Sam,” Gabriel says, even softer this time, as if to see if the hunter could even hear him.

He did, and lifted his head to look Gabriel in the eye. “Yeah?”

Gabriel swallowed.

What are you even going to say? 'I’m sorry you’re having fun here and are happy with me and the sky and the stargazing but I’m not and I need to talk to you about it because you’re the only person I can talk to, but I don’t want you to be upset - so can you please hear me out whining about my brothers in a perfectly objective sense and not as if I am not happy with you?’ Is that what you’re leading with? Awesome. Do it. Ruin the one thing you have going for you. Upset the one man you trust and love. Wipe that smile off his face.

“Huh,” He cleared his throat, trying to get rid of the nagging in his head. “I was just saying…” His voice trailed off, unthinking. Where were words when you needed them?

There was a pause. Sam waited, and blinked at him.

And then he didn’t wait anymore, and used his free hand to lift his head and shoulders off the ground, and twisted in the air, and dipped - to get to Gabriel’s lips, and capture them in a chaste, caressing kiss.

Gabriel instantly closed his eyes, losing himself to the momentary buzz of everything, and the familiar tingling under his skin of every time Sam kisses him, especially that inconspicuous and melting, before Sam pulled off gently and got back in place, on his back next to Gabriel.

“It’s like you read my mind, Sammy.” Gabriel joked, pursing his lips to preserve the traces of Sam on them. “I love how we just understand if the other needs some sugar these days.”

Sam grinned, his dimples lighting up Gabriel’s world. “You need the other kinda sugar too, Gabe? We brought food, but have just been lying on the ground silently, for hours now.” He breathed out a small laugh, at the sound of that.

“Guess when you’re with me, nutrition is a forgotten trivial issue.” Gabriel supplemented, because if he didn’t add to Sam’s dialogue with a joke of his own, it would be suspicious to Sam as proof of his not-okay-ness. And then he’d ask him, with his caring voice and pleading eyes, to tell him about it. And Gabriel didn’t know how to.

“I still don’t feel like getting up.” Sam confessed, his leisurely voice in contrast to where Gabriel was at.

“Is that cue for me to insist that you ought to?” He bit his lip. “Or, is it cue for me to conjure up some food and shove it down your throat in a way that you don’t choke?”

“Neither.” Sam muttered. “Just stay put.” He shifted his arm around Gabriel to pull him closer still, until he was pressed against Sam’s side, warm and there. “I don’t care about food if you don’t. The World’s not ending, you’re right here, and its enough.”

He sounded like he meant it.

“For me too.”

*

Except when it wasn’t.

Except when his traitorous thoughts fled to his family again. To Raphael, who grew up next to him - now dead. To Michael, who raised him - now gone. To Lucifer, who knew him like no other, and made him all he was today - now, no more.

Yet the close memory of Sam’s lips on his, his palm still held to Gabriel’s spine, comforting - his voice so smooth and words so lovely - he, who said that Gabriel was enough, now back to looking at the skies and not his eyes, giving the coward in Gabriel the opportunity to flee to his pathetic family again.

Each time someone mentioned being happy, Gabriel couldn’t but think of them. The first fleeting images in his mind’s eye were of Sam, and the moments they’ve spent together - there were Cas, Dean, Jack, the others - but these were followed by an unending montage of his brothers, and the past.

For the time he spent with Sam may be the best part of his life ever - but it was hardly a millionth fraction of the time he’d spent without him. Aeons had passed when he’d only known the company of his brothers, and those had not been perfect, but they were something. And it pained him to realize, that it was a part of his happiness, to be with them; as much as he wished to be content.

It was a curse, and he didn’t know how he could live knowing that ugly truth about himself, unless he told it aloud to someone, and didn’t it always, alwayshave to be Sam?

*

“Sam,” Gabriel mouths, wishing that his voice goes unheard, but Sam dutifully turns his head to meet Gabriel’s eyes, and blinks in a manner of saying, yes?

Third time’s the charm, right?

“I need to tell you something.” Gabriel goes on, riding out the adrenaline when he can, and Sam instantly begins to sit up, the crease back in his forehead and Gabriel balks.

This is exactly what he didn’t want.

“No!” He yelps, and almost pushes Sam back down. He goes easily, and downright socials at Gabriel now.

“What?” He demanded. “This sounds like a sitting-up conversation.”

“I don’t want it to be,” Gabriel protested, and he sounded so pathetic that Sam calmed down instantly.

“Fine,” He said, in a soothing voice, his eyes looking although he regretted momentarily raising his voice. “Talk to me, Gabriel.”

I need you to stop frowning. Keep smiling, and keep telling me to tell you this, and maybe I’ll get it out.

Gabriel groaned, frustrated with his own head. “I’m going to.” He swore, inhaling deeply.

“You wanting to 'talk’ talk to me,” Sam continued. “Is the best thing I’ve heard all day.”

“Yeah, I know healthy communication is your kink,” Gabriel let out, as a means to lighten the mood.

Sam didn’t even object. “What is this about?”

Its about me being a greedy sonuvabitch who isn’t happy enough with the greatest man ever lying next to me and kissing me and smiling at me - and missing my family and needing my brothers to complete the picture before I can be content!

“I don’t know.”

Sam’s mouth poised in displeasure. “Something is bothering you. Is it about us?” He looked almost afraid.

“No!” Gabriel almost leapt to his feet in protest at Sam keeping up the sad eyes. “Don’t say that! It’s not! It’s just -”

I miss my brothers. Yes, the ones who destroyed your family, and even killed you! The Michael who almost drove your brother crazy, and possessed him! The Raphael who killed your best friend, Cas! The Lucifer who -

He couldn’t do this.

He can’t tell Sam, that he missed his family. Because that would mean that he missed Lucifer. And Lucifer, to Sam, was…

He couldn’t do this.

“You know what, Samshine?” Gabriel blinked a couple of times to regain his composure. “False alarm. Nothing to talk about.”

Sam narrowed his eyes at him. “That’s not how it works.”

“But it did,” Gabriel convinced. “I’m all good. Seriously. Stop thinking about it.”

“Gabriel,” Sam tried to coax. “Talk to -”

“I promise, Sammy,” Gabriel swore, his eyes wide and frantic unknown to him. “I’m happy!”

Are you?

“I don’t wanna poke, or make you uncomfortable,” Sam said, cautiously. “But I want you to know that you can always talk to me. About anything, Gabriel. Know that I’ll listen, know that I’ll not mind anything you have to say, and know that I care about you and everything that matters to you.”

Gabriel didn’t deserve Sam.

*

Gabriel didn’t deserve Sam.

Sam deserved someone with less baggage. Sam deserved someone who was as wonderful as he was - or at least, close, since equal was probably not possible.

Gabriel knew he was happy with Sam.

He knew he was.

But he also knew that he missed his brothers. He did and that made him unhappy and that was the truth.

He needed to try a different approach maybe.

*

“Wouldn’t you miss Dean?”

Sam blinks, and there’s suddenly a sharpness in the look he spares in his direction. “Why would I miss him?”

Gabriel chewed on his lip. “If he wasn’t here, wouldn’t you feel bad about it?”

“Dean’s back home at the bunker with Cas, and I’ll meet him when we get back after tonight, right?” Sam explained, a little confused. “So, it’s more like ‘good riddance’ rather than ‘I miss him’ - because it’s Dean.”

Gabriel swallowed. He was gonna do this. Sam may get mad at him, and he had no idea what he’d do if Sam began to hate him - but he also sorta knew that he wouldn’t get angry at him for sharing something like this because it was Sam, and that was one of the millions of good things about him.

I miss my family.

He was ashamed of himself, nonetheless. He misses how things used to be, and he misses his brothers. But he’s happy right now. How does he tell Sam that, in the same breath.

I miss my brothers, but you’re family now.

It was true. The Winchesters and Cas were more or less family now. Sam was everything. Except he was everything good, and Gabriel longed for ‘everything’ everything.

“I miss them.” He finally got out, and paused for an overly long moment. Sam was looking at him cautiously, and patient. “Michael, Raphael, Lucifer.” He choked on saying the names aloud, after so long hearing them roll off his tongue. “I’ve been thinking about them, I dunno why. Maybe it’s the sky that reminds me of my brother’s wings, or the -” He paused, again. And looked up at Sam, who was staring back at him intently.

“Go on,” Sam prompted.

“I miss my family in heaven, Sam. I wouldn’t exactly hug them if they showed up, but I miss how things used to be - before everything.” He stopped abruptly. “I don’t wanna make you feel bad.” Gabriel admitted, looking down. “Can you please not think that you’re not perfect for me, because I’m telling you I miss them?”

Sam rolled his eyes incredulously. “Where’s the connection between those things?” He went on, in a more understanding voice, as Gabriel’s words began to ring in his head as making sense. “You don’t need to feel like I’m everything to make you happy, Gabriel, why even would you think that?”

Gabriel was honestly perplexed. “But -”

“It’s a thing we say.” Sam sighed, speaking of humans, to an archangel. “And yeah, Gabriel, you make me happy and I’m seriously happy right now with you - but that doesn’t mean that if Dean needed me, or Cas or Jack needed help, I’d not freak and leave at once! It goes without saying! They’re family, Gabriel, and you don’t prioritize within families.”

“No! I get that!” Gabriel protested. “It’s just that - I’m not supposed to miss them! You’re not a fan of my family - especially, uh, Lucifer, and - everything. They’re not - they’re not exactly the… best.”

“But you’re allowed to,” Sam muttered.

“They hurt you.”

“They hurt you too. And it’s not about me right now. This is a part of you, that’s separate from me in this aspect - and families work like that, Gabe.” Sam answered, as if it was that simple. “I’ve gotten hurt plenty, but that doesn’t mean I can turn off the switch of missing my family altogether.”

“Are you really telling me that it’s fine for me to miss my brothers, who’ve hurt, tortured and killed you and your family, just because I do?”

“Yeah.” Sam nodded. “That’s what I’m saying.”

“How can you be so - how do you not hate me right now?” Gabriel frowned, genuine and sincere. “I’m talking about some archangels who wanted to end this World! Can you stop being so good to me about it?”

“Can you stop beating yourself up over this?”

Gabriel shook his head, with a hint of a sour grin.

“Can you stop wanting me to be upset over this?” Sam proposed alternately, and Gabriel drew in a long breath, and nodded. He moved closer, putting his head on the latter’s chest, kinda so he didn’t have to look him in the eye. “I know what it feels like, Gabriel. There was a time when I missed Ruby, you know. And she wasn’t a good thing - but I did, and I got over it - but what I mean is that you’re allowed to have these feelings because they’re feelings - I trust you enough that you’re not gonna try to free Michael from the cage or wake..Lucifer in the Empty - but as long as it’s about you missing your brothers, Gabriel, that is fine.”

He was close to tears. Sam was the most perfect thing to ever happen to him. Sure as hell, he didn’t deserve Sam Winchester - but he happened to get him, and he couldn’t ask for anything else.

Even if he did, it was apparently okay to Sam. Because he was goddamn nuts, and also the best person on the planet, and Gabriel loved him for it all.

“I don’t like missing them.” Gabriel confided, after a moment of silence when the tension eased from the air and a comfortable vibe settled into their veins. Sam had his lips pressed to Gabriel’s forehead, and he was running a hand through the curls at the back of his neck. He didn’t stop when Gabriel began to speak. “I don’t know how to deal with it. There was Loki before, and then Asmodeus, and then the alternate universe crap - but now, there’s you and me, and there’s peace, and there’s an opportunity for me to think about them, and I wish I didn’t have to. There’s this pang of longing, and I can’t voice it to myself even, because yeah, I miss them, and I’ve never had to do it before.”

“I get it.” Sam murmured. “But, I know something that might help.” There was a smile in his voice when he continued. “Talking about it helps.”

“I don’t wanna talk about missing them, it’ll be worse -”

“No. Tell me what you miss.” Sam urged. “Tell me stories about heaven, tell me of the things which stand out. Tell me about your favorite brother, and your best day with him. Tell me your tale, I’m listening, and I know it’ll make you feel better.”

“You really wanna hear about the most dysfunctional family in the Universe?” Gabriel teased. “We even drove God off, so.”

“I do.”

“What if I tell you about me and Raphael helping Father in his workshop,” Gabriel’s voice rose with excitement, the vibrations running through Sam’s being too. “Oh, wait, the moon! The craters in the moon! I could tell you how, uh, Lucifer was partially responsible for it!”

“You could,” Sam repeated.

“Will you tell me weird stories of you and Dean in return?” He conditioned.

“No,” Sam laughed. “Tonight’s your night. Don’t start feeling obligated to listen to me, as a compensation for me listening to you - and we aren’t doing a couples’ sharing activity. I wanna hear about you, and you’re gonna tell me - and on a completely unrelated date from today, I’m gonna tell you about Dean and Baby and his obsession with pies and fear of flying. But today, you talk to me.” Sam ended, with a slight brush of his lips on the top of Gabriel’s head, and Gabriel began to speak as Sam turned his eyes back to the sky, and smiled while he listened.

“Well, are you more interested in the origin of platypuses or walruses, because they’re both awesome stories!”

[acuppellarp]

We’re excited to announce that Jeanne has decided to level up Haley Sterling from a mumu minor character to a main character! Please go through the checklist to make sure you’re ready to go and send in your account within the next 24 hours. 

OOC INFO

Name + pronouns: Jeanne Age: 24 Timezone: EST Ships: Haley/Chemistry, Haley/Nerdiness Anti-Ships: Haley/NoChem

IC INFO

Full Name: Haley Nicole Sterling Face Claim: Virginia Gardner Age/Birthday: 22 / September 17, 1995 Occupation: Social work student at NYU, gymnast at NYC Ultra Gymnastics Center, telemarketer Personality: Competitive, impulsive, determined, naive, ditzy Hometown: San Francisco, CA Bio:

Oh, the Sterling family. If there was ever a group more fitted for a reality TV show on TLC, it was them. That’s how an outsider would see it, at least. For Haley, it was just her family. The first few years of her life were spent loving her parents and little sister, and then her second mom and her second dad came into the picture. Whenever she went over to her friends houses growing up, they introduced her to their parents. Haley did the same, it just so happened she had a few more parents than them. It wasn’t the picture that she saw on TV, but that didn’t really matter. She had a family that loved and doted on her, that’s what mattered. She was an incredibly content child - set her out in the backyard to run around and play, and she was a happy camper. Or set her up in her bedroom, playing with her little sister (once upon a time, Jemma really did play with barbie dolls properly). She was content, and she was friendly, always running up to strangers and asking if they wanted to be her friend. Needless to say, her parents had to have the stranger danger talk with her more times than she can count, but the fact remains that Haley has always been a people person, easily able to settle into a crowd.

Dedication isn’t a word many people would associate with Haley even today, and it never has been. She comes across as having her head in the clouds 9 times out of 10 and she wasn’t exactly a contender for valedictorian. She’s not the person you to go if you’re looking for reliability, and that’s why a lot of people are thrown off when they find out she’s been honing her skills as a gymnast since the age of 4. It wasn’t some kind of “love at first sight” moment, where Haley knew she wanted to make it her life from day one. On the contrary, she remembers crying in frustration when she couldn’t get a somersault down as easily as the other kids in her class (granted it was within the first week of classes, but Haley’s child mind didn’t care about that).

That’s why it was so invigorating when she finally nailed it by week two… Haley’s never been known for her patience, you see, but the one thing she’s got going for her is that she doesn’t quit. She doesn’t quit because of that same excitement she got when she perfected that first somersault right, followed by her first cartwheel, her first handstand, mastering her first forward tuck and everything over the next few years as she climbed up the levels. She was 8 years old, level 9, when she got her first first place award on the uneven bars, subsequently helping her team take home the win as well. That, my friends, is when Haley fell in love with the sweet taste of victory.

There wasn’t time for Haley to ever cultivate many other areas of extracurricular interest. She’d arrive at school an hour before classes started to make use of the gym’s empty weight room for strength and conditioning, and immediately after school she would make her way down to the gymnastics center for more hours worth of practice. Her dedication and prowess in the sport are what helped her lock in a scholarship offered by NYC Ultra, a gymnastics club located not too far away from NYU’s campus. The school itself didn’t have a gymnastics program, but NYC Ultra had scouted her during her final meet during high school and offered to help fund her higher education if she joined their team upon moving. And its a good thing they did, because her grades certainly wouldn’t be earning her any academic scholarships.

Leaving her family had her balling like a baby, but Haley found herself settling in to New York City life eventually. It was a much different pace than San Francisco, that was for sure. Still, Haley prides herself on never really feeling like a fish out of water, especially since she quickly made friends with the other members of her gym and then at school. Social work is a demanding field and it can come as somewhat of a shock that the ditzy blonde chose it as her major, but Haley doesn’t understand the surprise. She grew up in a very unconventional family that, despite the tribulations and disruptions later on, was filled with love for the most part. Haley wants to help ensure that other people get to experience that same level of love and support in whatever way she can, or at the very least bring them a sense of safety. It helps that she is actually able to focus on her major work better than she ever could her high school and general education credits.

See, the thing with Haley is that if she isn’t interested in something, it falls to the wayside. But once she finds her passion and groove, she is all in. That’s the reason why she can’t sit through an algebra class without daydreaming, but she’ll give you a point-by-point breakdown of why Laurie Hernandez should’ve taken the gold for the Women’s balance beam during the 2016 Olympics, or make an entire PowerPoint on why Digimon trumps Pokemon (she’s still gotta catch ‘em all though, make no mistake). She knows what she loves and doesn’t waste her time or energy on things that won’t end up bringing her personal happiness and fulfillment. Is that a good way to be successful in life? Probably not, but has it helped Haley get through the last 24 years with minimal sadness and reason to say she didn’t give something her all? Absolutely, 100%, a thousand times yes.

Pets: Haley has had iced coffees last longer than some goldfish. She’s pretty much given up on trying to keep any kind of pet alive at this point, so instead she has her bedroom windowsill decorated with succulents. They’re less likely to ruin her carpet and lose her her deposit.

Relationships:

Jemma Sterling — She’s the first person to admit that Jemma is far from perfect, but she’ll also attempt to rip anyone’s head off who dares insult or undersell her baby sister. Watch it, folks. Haley adores Jemma, even if she does worry her from time to time with just how… we’ll say just how “free” she can be. It’s probably not the best idea, but she trusts Jemma wholeheartedly. In a way, Haley is a little envious of how open her sister is with everything, but that’s a story for another time. She still loves her to the moon and back and then to the moon and back again.

EXTRA INFO

mmmhalebop ☄️ / HaleyStorm / I’m secretly the fourth member of Hanson:

Five latest tweets:

@HaleyStorm: @marvelstudios pls call my insurance company and tell them you’ll cover the surgery to have the heart you ripped out of my chest replaced @HaleyStorm: manny santos hiking up her thong will always be iconic #whateverittakes @HaleyStorm: #gymnastsecret - if you see me hold a position on the bar too long, it’s bc i 100% blanked on the rest of the routine @HaleyStorm: is crimped hair still in style?? asking for a friend @HaleyStorm: update - i am that friend and idc. get ready to see me rocking lizzie mcguire hair today #ifoundcolorfulextensionstoo

[pokefanbri]

1st I have to say this b4 I repeat the post from fb. This is a place where I can speak my mind freely without judgement, speak my peace even. Which is exactly what im gonna do so prepare for a read. So think what u want idc, but the last thing I wanna do is tick some1 I know off cause on some level there's a mutual appreciation & respect regardless of my impression. And anyone that reads this isn't obligated to understand my opinion & I dont expect u to. With my brain its my thought process to let information out of my head so I can put things aside, observe & absorb more lol. Writing is another tool or coping mechanism for my anxieties & other psych ailments, treatment for my mental health depends on it & other hobbies in other words, especially during shutdown, something to focus on. Heck even youtube is recommended by my doctor if it keeps me happy lol. But because ill be working again, I may not have time to do alot of things I like sadly..idk i just wouldnt want to be burnt out & focus on more important things. I have a high respect for anyone working around people during this time & it must worrisome for u too, means I have to keep on my toes as well soon..its a scary world out there for an introvert but I was killin it in NY too. It was just a slow steady process with all the limitations & moving my life up there wasn't easy to begin with but I pulled through & did it all...only for it to be taken away.

So, I'm an Irish, German, Canadian,British Mut from tucson. Maternal & paternal immidiate families lineage mixed made me, including my NY blood from my bio dad. The rest is all over Europe but u get the idea. Tucson may be where i was born & my 1st home without a father & raised not knowing (were mardi gras babies btw 😒)

But NY is & will forever be my 2nd home i dont care what any1 says, I felt I belonged there. Its the other half of me quite literally.Theres a memory that's really been bugging me. Last day b4 i left it, a bald eagle flew across my path in the sky no joke going NE & I was departing back to the SW. I chose the eagle years ago cause I identify with it. including the background symbolism in different phases of my life that included them lol, but to actually see one was just amazing.

They symbolize strength+freedom in general despite it standing for the country from sea to shining sea lol. Also Braviary was always in my pokemon team besides pikachu since its gen came out lol. I've always been strong, whether some believe it to be true or not is their problem, only I know the things I've gone through. Point is different ends of the spectrum its always been with me throughout in some way & im glad i got to share it with someone that gave me the freedom I needed.

But yea I experienced what its like to be there & got to know that part of me even if I didn't find him & maybe didnt care...I feel I was meant to be there. I was in touch with my roots, lower Temps & above sea level rather than high temps & below sea level 🤣 I loved everything about my time up there. It'll always be a part of me, & I hope to see it again. But I digress.

But in regards to the relationship itself, emphasizing on what i said b4. Just as it i got "settled" in it was gone & I had no clue what was happening without my knowledge, the whole plan to bring me back, all of it, the whole chain of events that unfolded the way it did starting with leaving a marriage in the 1st place to be with him i mean come on lol. Chasing a dream that didn't play out the way we had hoped. I took leap of faith & I ended up starting over twice in 1 year with no benefit of the doubt. I still have my ny health insurance for the rest of the yr, I have to add it to my list to apply again in az. Ive been wearing the wrong prescription glasses for 6 months under quarantine & they're just now getting to stage 4 of opening lol. Just understand how frustrating that actually is for someone like me & u totally get it 😅 U want to take care of business but sometimes you're limited & gotta work around it. had all that covered there & then was told I settled, wrong thing to say & its no wonder I didn't blow up in his face right there & then 😒. But I have retraint & can control myself. Though it was out of my hands the new relationship didn't have to go sour, been just as long if not more, could've actually thrived given the proper balance with room to grow. Idk, Sometimes I honestly don't think anyone believed in me. I mean I have no debt, no record, no kids, im a clean slate type of girl lol. Yes I did end up feeling unappreciated, underestimated, a bit neglected, insecure about my body, ashamed for being myself, & I shouldn't have to feel that way at all & if that happens there obviously something off. I just didnt know what it is he wanted & needed, i wanted to help & be a good partner to this dude but why is it bad to ask the same in return? I shouldn't have to drastically change myself to fit someones standard i know, but...i needed the old him back, I missed the old us & wanted to get back to that.. Was always so closed off & probably ended up in his own head who knows, maybe there was guilt for some of the things he did & didnt want to hurt me anymore, spare my feelings any more than it did b4 it was too late.idk whatever the excuse i still don't know what triggered it all to fail so easily & i don't think i ever will. But ending up with the conclusion that I was the problem, its narcissistic to even believe that & i won't accept it. Not when he can't confront his own issuse & put blame onto himself too.. it was a low blow & literally felt like my heart was pierced at the sound of it. If im to blame its the other way around as well. My point of view wasn't acknowledged so this is my take & experiences of happened so plz dont hate me for speaking my truth.

But yea I can tell when somethings not right & feel strong empathy for others emotions. I knew something was different, there were signs everywhere since the mistrust started & during the last half of that time with him I questioned everything but sat in my own headspace as well as he did just thinking about it. If anything we failed eachother, the blame is on us both but idk what else i could've done to get through to him. That's the stubbornness, he wouldn't budge. Despite how things went down..Leaves me to think, what was the point of having me there in the 1st place, to not follow through with our shared hopes & dreams but instead spiral into such resentment for me that the interest faded. But at the at the same time...even if it ended early for him, I didn't give up & I fought to keep us okay which it was for the most part. Hindsight is 20/20, it definitely wasn't negative all the time. In fact things were great between us & acted like goofballs together, that right there is a friend despite if the stronger feelings weren't mutual. Nobody with hate in their heart acts like that, he was good, the best, cheered me up when I was down, shared interests & did things for eachother. But that alone makes me question what was truth & what was fiction sometimes ever since the trust between us started to fade. Am I in the right to feel what im feeling right now? Im angry & upset yes very, but the kindness he had throughout..he did care in his own way...which makes things so much harder.

Tripadoodle if some way you're listening, I hope u know now where im coming from. For your own benefit & quest to be a better man like you always wanted...actually try. Head my advice. Making yourself better shouldn't be put on a womans shoulders to do for u without her getting lifted in return...its alot of weight to handle for 1 person to carry lol. Get off your ass & build on yourself, learn from everything that happened & become better for yourself & the sake of others, Because it starts with u. Go to church if possible or watch them, it really does help. Even from across the country I still want u to do just as good & help u as a friend. You promised we could remain friends & im holding my end of the bargain whether u like it or not lol it was your idea during the ride here. All I wanted in the end was to not lose u in my life completely...but i should be patient i know.. Theres more space, im not contacting u directly & respecting that, eventually ill stfu lol but I feel I need this rn. I should hate u,but I cant hate u, I do still care, u had that affect on me so much that I can't really listen to others when they say ur a douchbag lol, u were still my rock the whole time even if u didn't feel the same after a while & u did help me alot as well. I see the good in people & u are good, with well balanced snarkiness & humorous sass to boot. light a fire under ur own ass & ull be okay lol. Never stopped believing in u. Ive seen what you can do, you're very smart & know your sh*t, u will go far lol. And as a friend I'd lend u my strength if I could but the most I can do is pray for things like safety/protection, healing, forgiveness, guidance, etc. Leave it to God if u feel compelled to. Give zanabell a hug for me.

God i talk way too much 😅 No im not doing any of this for attention, I want my voice to be heard as well as a possible learning experience if it had that effect on anyone. The things we learn build character & help us understand a little more about ourselves. Probably shouldn't share cuz its nobody's business, yea ive thought of that too.. But its a blog lol, Tumblr allowed it to be that space, opinions and rants are allowed & encouraged. Nothing wrong with that 🤷‍♀️ so who gives a crap.

These are pictures of the NY sunrise & AZ sunset. Clouds always get me cuz of the shapes, used to to take pics of them all the time. once saw mario holding a hammer when I was a kid 😂 3rd & 4th pic is a split rainbow, never seen that b4...either someone found the gold or its deciding whether or not to connect. Probably was connected but I missed it lol. But then I looked behind me after the split 1 disappeared & a double rainbow was forming. Nature can be scary but also beautiful

[punkscowardschampions]

Drew & Carly

Drew: doing my head in Carly: record time Carly: wanna swap seats Drew: funny Drew: sitting next to ro, remember, not ali Carly: shes alright Drew: don't think she's down Drew: soz babe Carly: ha Carly: k but shes not dtf you either Carly: poor baby Drew: fuck off Drew: how would you know Carly: your mood is a giveaway Carly: i kno when youre frustrated boy Drew: bet I won't be by the time this trip is over Carly: idc Carly: make that bet w your gf Drew: lies Drew: poor baby Drew: don't reckon she'd appreciate that Carly: ha Carly: why would i lie Drew: 'cos even if you do care, can't have what you want Carly: i can fuck you whenever i want Carly: rn if i wanted to Drew: weren't talking 'bout me Drew: but nah Carly: k Carly: now youre lying Drew: nope Carly: you didnt come into my inbox to cry about your gf Carly: or did you & your that lad now Carly: embarrassing Drew: don't be a bitch Drew: looking for some peace and quiet is that so much to ask Carly: from me yea Carly: you kno i dont do quiet Carly: not w you Drew: ha Drew: cute Carly: & true Carly: arent you bored Carly: dont you wanna have some fun this trip Drew: i told you i'm going to Drew: w ro Carly: yea Carly: get out my inbox then i gotta make my own Carly: plenty of lads on this coach Drew: and girls Carly: nah Carly: back to boys you kno Drew: shame Drew: good times Carly: yea but youre boring now Drew: fuck off Drew: nah i ain't Drew: ali is Carly: tell your missus Carly: ali can still party Drew: not with us Carly: yea Carly: if she wanted Carly: youre the one on a chain Drew: i do what i want Drew: whenever i want Carly: do something then Carly: be fun Drew: whaddya want me to do on this packed coach Carly: the bathroom is free Carly: but k youre too scared to start the party Drew: not scared Drew: just not a moron Carly: k Carly: ill ask someone else Drew: u do that Drew: know it won't be as good as me Carly: ha Carly: maybe used to be Carly: reckon youve lost your touch Carly: married life will do that like Drew: you reckon? Drew: you wish Carly: i kno Carly: its written on you Carly: bored & boring Carly: you couldnt turn me on now Drew: yea yea yea Drew: otherwise written all over your face, babe Carly: ha no Carly: check me out as much as you want you wont see that Drew: so up yourself Carly: cuz im not gonna waste my time w you k Carly: my das more fun than you rn Drew: know you're a traveller like Drew: but that's sick Carly: you cant even slag me off proper these days Carly: who are you Carly: sad Drew: 'cos I don't need another bird doing my head in Drew: all chat but you're the same as her, like Carly: fuck off Carly: nothing ive said i wouldnt follow through on Carly: youre the one thats being a pussy Drew: yeah? well you're a nag Drew: I don't wanna fuck you, get off my dick Carly: get out my inbox Carly: you came pouting to me Drew: 'scuse me for thinking you were different Carly: what do you want boy? Drew: forget it Carly: nah Carly: ask for it Drew: Already did Drew: just be a laugh, yeah, don't get on at me Carly: k Carly: whats in it for me tho? Carly: genuinely asking Drew: idk Drew: didn't promise there was Carly: least youve finally stopped lying Drew: ugh Drew: thought we were getting somewhere girl Carly: im only saying Carly: dont get in a mood Drew: i ain't Drew: who are u sharing a room with Carly: nobody Carly: the numbers are off Drew: lucky Carly: you should be more like me & people wouldnt wanna share w you Drew: always have caleb Drew: banging on and on about his girl Carly: no thanks Drew: didn't think so Drew: nightmare Carly: welcome to the other bed Carly: unless your gonna call me a nympho over it Drew: teachers won't be down but might take you up on that Carly: idc Carly: dont think they were down for me being on this trip Carly: but i paid my money Drew: yeah, that's all they care about Drew: though they were all out there with the behave or you'll get kicked threats Drew: standard Carly: yea Carly: try & send me back home my ma & da arent there Carly: be very irresponsible like Drew: they never are Drew: but they don't need to know that Carly: news to them i had a passport Drew: yeah, only last 5 years don't they? Drew: guess when you was 10 they couldn't always piss off without ya Carly: ha Carly: youre funny when youre not sulking Drew: shut up Drew: 'cos you're alright when you're not being a bitch Carly: ive not been a bitch to you since i was making you work for your 3way Drew: well that was hot so acceptable Carly: k so i can be a bitch if im hot yea Carly: ill remember that Drew: goes without saying Drew: fit girls can get away with anything Carly: so you do think im fit Drew: you know you are Carly: yea but idk what you think Drew: gotta keep you guessing, babe Carly: please Drew: please what? Carly: please do Carly: im bored Drew: same Carly: i can pass you my water bottle if you want Carly: all i could smuggle tho Drew: realtalk Drew: no one's smuggling over borders Drew: not worth the aggro Drew: you'll get stuff here no doubt, i'm losing a week's wages 😒 Carly: its a holiday Carly: itll be worth it Carly: especially if you arent all talk Carly: your gf be losing her v like Drew: i ain't but she is Drew: gonna be hard to get her to 🤐 but if anyone can Carly: in it for the challenge Carly: i get it now Drew: what's to get Drew: she's hot Carly: k Carly: but uptight Drew: better than loose Carly: nah Carly: dont tell me you dont want a girl whod let you do anything Drew: not if she's let every cunt do the same, nah Drew: besides, can train a girl like Ro Carly: she isnt stupid enough to blindly follow commands Carly: or you around Drew: 🤔 we'll see Drew: not that its stupid Drew: i'm not fun to be around? Carly: you were Carly: before you got a wife Drew: not asking for ya Drew: but see, you know what you're missing Carly: youre a good fuck ive never denied it Carly: fun when you want Drew: exactly Drew: its Ro's turn to find out Carly: so go chat her up Carly: you love foreplay Drew: don't reckon she wants her first time to be in the coach toilets Carly: ha Carly: didnt mean you had to do it now boy Drew: you know Drew: work fast Carly: yea Carly: thats romance Carly: dont keep a girl waiting Drew: I am capable Drew: if the situation calls Carly: dont waste that info on me Drew: never Carly: seat swap w me tho Carly: up the front is not a party Carly: you throw up once cuz your hanging & get stuck there for life Drew: 😂 Drew: diddums Drew: alright Drew: can chat up woodfield Drew: caleb will be buzzin' Carly: shes got a body under those new jeans Carly: a goer i reckon Drew: you would Drew: only boys my arse 😏 Carly: gotta do something Carly: bored enough to break a few rules Drew: i see u Drew: MY girlfriend, remember? Carly: what do you think you see Drew: just sayin', asking to move, then saying you're gonna lez off Drew: not that thick 😂 Carly: but obvious Carly: as fantasies go you could do better Drew: been there Drew: done that Carly: not w her Carly: shes no ali but thats mean Drew: again, doubt she'll want you there to help with the devirginizing Drew: try not to take it person Carly: i dont wanna be there Carly: the first time is always shit Drew: nah Drew: not with me Carly: ha Carly: youre not that good Drew: pshhh Drew: don't be bitter Carly: im not Carly: its facts Carly: shell be so nervous youll be lucky if you get more than the tip in Carly: probs shes a crier too Drew: shut up Carly: its not your bad Carly: just how it is Carly: itll get better Carly: maybe good Drew: well it's off-putting Drew: men don't need to know about that stuff Drew: keep it to yourselves Carly: k Carly: just trying to help you be more than all chat Drew: yeah right Drew: like you wanna help her Carly: why wouldnt i Carly: i said shes alright Drew: still, no need to be that charitable Drew: why d'you care? Carly: not offering to warm her up for you babe Carly: ive probs hung out w her more than you have Carly: why shouldnt i care Drew: 'cos she ain't your girlfriend Drew: between me and her, not the fucking committee Carly: unlike you i can care about people im not fucking Drew: 🙄 Drew: whatevs Carly: why do you care if i talk about her or not Carly: that i kno her Drew: 'cos i know what girls are like Drew: always talking Carly: me and her arent bffs Carly: i wouldnt be talking to you if we were Drew: i'd hope not Carly: so dont cry Carly: im not telling her anything Drew: stop acting like you give a shit then Carly: im not acting anything Carly: thats all you babe Drew: fuck off Carly: nowhere to go Carly: busy coach remember Carly: what do you get out of being w her? Carly: she doesnt put out & she does your head in Carly: why bother Carly: there are other virgins in town, i think Drew: idk Drew: she's nice Carly: that it Drew: nah Drew: she's good girlfriend material Drew: you can see, idk why you want me to sing her praises to you Drew: masochist, like 😂 Carly: im only asking Carly: why dont you wanna sing her praises to everyone Drew: i'm not that sorta bloke Drew: cringe Carly: yea Carly: its sweet tho Drew: if you say so Drew: just makes me feel 🤢 Carly: ha Carly: better get up the front boy Drew: deffo Drew: any escape from the caleb and ali show Carly: true Carly: ms woodfield will distract you Carly: shes looking thirsty might offer her a drink Drew: queue for that toilet getting longer by the minute Carly: yea Carly: as if caleb & ali arent in there Carly: slacking Carly: like i taught her nothing Drew: probs just jerk him off in the seats like Drew: not backrow coolkids but still pretty standard Carly: aw Carly: cute Drew: how is that cute Carly: theyre in love Carly: dont be jealous Carly: youd like it if your girl offered to do you Drew: no they ain't Drew: she was with you not that long ago Drew: be on to the next soon Carly: nah Carly: she loves him & its mutual Drew: things change Drew: we don't need to make a song and dance every time someone gets with someone else like Carly: who is Carly: its no big Carly: but its still happening Drew: i'd rather just ignore it 'til it goes away Drew: not like you up in my business 😜 Carly: im not up in any part of you Carly: relax Drew: mhmm Drew: lie harder Carly: nah Carly: i wanna be but im not Carly: facts Carly: id be lying if i said i didnt want you Drew: i know Drew: prove it though Carly: how Carly: what do you want me to do Drew: brave the queue 🤳 Carly: k Carly: [Sends pics and video also because she knows he can't watch it in front of the squad] Drew: tease Drew: swap seats with me so ms woodfield can watch too Carly: prick Carly: youre a bigger tease than me tho Drew: no way Drew: i got the evidence to prove it now Carly: if i was a tease id have given you nothing Carly: let you sweat it Carly: like you are to me Drew: you ain't asked for anything Carly: but you kno what i want Carly: give me something Drew: [Sends ab pic that was just his last Insta] Carly: come on Carly: dont be like that Drew: what? Carly: such an arsehole Carly: im not begging Drew: 😂✌