#idek if i wanna tag them all rn so

[the-yearning-astronaut]

I think.... over the last two days I think I've read just about every Murderbot fic on AO3 that meets all my (current) filter criteria... I'm pretty sure the only one I have left now is a 200k epic....

[roostertuftart]

Look I dont think youre wrong about people not listening to jewish voices but I am uncomfortable with you advocating so strongly for some groups while being shitty with others like when you liked a post by a racist justifying their use of the nword in the past and never talked about it. Jewish people need to be spoken for but how you pick and choose is suspicious and you cant expect other people to admit their biases when you cant admit your own.

??? Are you seriously trying to say that my concern for someone who was clearly in the midst of a mental breakdown makes it so that I can't support another person trying to speak about how depictions of a character are somewhat problematic???? This is. pathetic but thanks for trying to word it in the most uncharitable way possible lol.

edit: god i definitely worded these tags aggressively so I'm probably gonna make a real apology though I'm not even certain I did what anon is accusing me of??? either way my aggression is more towards them for trying to twist this situation so grossly and not towards anyone genuinely affected by whatever I apparently did (And I am not denying I did... I genuinely don't remember but like... Yeah it was definitely not great on my part if I did what they're saying even if my intentions were different, and the fact that I'm unsure is evidence enough to me that I might have)

Moreover, i have a hunch this anon has sent me bait before and I think it's nasty they're trying to twist an issue about antisemitism into whatever stupid beef they have with me. like... nasty.

Final edit: Any more asks from this anon are being deleted. I wouldn't have even published this one but I feel like that would be sort of hiding any wrongdoing i may have done at any point, but I genuinely do not believe this person means anything they're saying and are only doing this because for whatever reason they do not like me. and I. do not care lol

[citriosis]

not to vent on main but this is definitely not a void moment. i had this talk with my mom a little while ago (i have complex feelings about and a hard relationship with her but it was important).

it's weird being a black person that doesn't fit in either way. because i was raised mostly in predominantly white neighborhoods (living where i do now is my first time living in a predominantly black neighborhood actually) and, aside from things i had to learn to survive in said white neighborhoods, was given a pretty "white" childhood, i don't feel like i belong as a part of black culture at all.

but i'm also...not white. lol. but despite this, other black people tell me i ACT whit. i've been accused of BEING white in the past and accused of racefaking (once over stupid kinnie shit on vent dot co and once on twitter over Mental Illness) because i don't act "black enough", but my mutuals who have been in video calls with me and have seen pictures of me know i'm not white. and not only am i not white, i'm VERY clearly black. white people will be surprised by how i speak, and they say "you speak so well!", but leave off "for a black person". they don't see me as one of them, but they probably subconsciously see me as a whiter black person, which makes my fucking skin crawl.

i'm not black enough to feel like i'm not a fucking poser when i call myself black, but i'm not white enough to completely deny my heritage. i look black, but i have a white mouth. i feel passionately about Black issues, but i feel like i can't talk about them because i'll sound too white.

i feel like i'm some secret third thing in the worst fucking possible way. i'm not having a black experience, i'm not having a white experience, i'm just kinda...void. and it fucks with my self-image in ways that i'm not fully comfortable talking about on main.

as i was on this train of thought, i said something like "i guess this IS a black experience in and of itself, though" and she was like...yeah. and she said it confidently, even though it hadn't been HER black experience. but honestly it hasn't made me feel better because of ✨ internalized racism ✨ in many, many fucking colors.

she also said i'm not alone in this experience, and that i might find other people in my generation who relate to this because of how we were raised. but honestly that doesn't make me feel better either tbh, at least not rn. maybe i will feel better if i end up finding some level of solidarity, but idek if i'm gonna post this. i feel like i'm gonna get "not black enough"ed or accused of being fucking white! which hurts when i've NOT BEEN BLACK ENOUGH my whole life! it's EXHAUSTING. too white to be black (despite having no white immediate family and being black), too black to be white (because i'm black).

anyway idek how to tag this. maybe i just won't. i said this wouldn't be a void post but i almost don't wanna post this lol. but oh well. off to tumblr it goes.

[e77y]

Long but relatively unserious vent/rant below the cut (sorry I added this in bc I realized how long this post is oops)

Being at the center of some kind of internet witchhunt (which ik is kind of buzzwordy but) is literally my biggest fear ohhh my god. Even a small scale one… I think I would Die. Maybe it’s because I had a similar thing happen with my friend group in high school where one of them convinced the others I was like evil and spread all these rumors about me… 😭 He was splitting on me but still. That’s an explanation, not an excuse. And it basically confirmed all of my intrusive thoughts about myself, and my personality completely self-destructed and changed, and I haven’t interacted with any of those people the same way since. I isolated from them for MONTHS and just loathed myself. Bleh

The reason it’s on my mind is bc I’ve seen this happen to friends and mutuals and even just people I’ve followed in small fandoms, where the whole fandom hates them bc of this little drama and like. I KNOW that fandom drama is not the end of the world, but truly I think that would destroy me for months. And I would never be able to set foot in those spaces again :’) Getting a handful of rude comments about a fucking transfem hc I had at like 14 made me stop writing fanfic for YEARS 😭😭😭 sigh. Just bc they said it was ‘out of character for him to want to be a girl’ 🙄 (<- character who canonically felt confident when dressed as a woman btw. initially for a disguise but then she grew to love it. BUT I DIGRESS KNSHFJW)

All this to say I think that’s why I tiptoe around everything I say online… I am SO scared of ruffling feathers, but I know that fandoms are places for like! Having fun! And it’s not a big deal! And it doesn’t affect my real life! But like idk.. I just hate the idea of being hated by anyone. I’m sure that I ANNOY some people, and that’s whatever; I talk a lot and make overly personal posts sometimes (like this lol) but I don’t wanna be HATED yk? And idek if it’s better to be hated and ostracized publicly or resented in secret by people who still interact with you… :( Agh. If you ever have an issue with me, please DM me instead of letting it build up into something worse!

ANYWAY LIKE.. with fandom stuff. Idk. I want to have fun! I want to write and post things on Tumblr and AO3 etc but I am just very scared of peoples’ opinions, especially now that I have a decently popular/well-liked longfic in DnDads. For some reason I have convinced myself that writing bad or self-indulgent NSFW will make everyone hate me lmao. Like girl the POINT of fanfic is to be self-indulgent……….. sigh I need to get out more

^ light-hearted… but also kinda true haha. I stay at home a lot just bc I don’t have many reasons to go out atm and only a handful of close friends to go out with. Hopefully that will change when I move next semester lol. And whenever I get interests, they’re VERY strong and long-lasting, and fanfic writing is one of my main hobbies, so I get REALLY into online communities. And rn that is kind of my little niche fandom Tumblr bubble… which is embarrassing and probably unhealthy but whatever. I just inevitably get a lot of anxiety about things that are important/fun to me (bc OCD), especially bc I’ve never really had mutuals/‘friends’ in a fandom before this, excluding my irls

Anyway this got longer and more vent-y than I intended so I will tag accordingly, and sorry to whoever is reading this lol; I just wanted to get my thoughts written down in a public forum bc idk… Makes me feel less insane when ik other people can see it, too. Helps me not take it too seriously and spiral lol.

[b1mbodoll]

i keep getting asks regarding the blog that the anon questioned me about and i dont wanna flood my blog with this bc i feel bad so i’ll answer these here! and please don’t twist my words!!! i am allowed to feel some type of way abt this situation! at first i was giving them the benefit of the doubt bc i don’t wanna point fingers or seem like a mean person bc i wld hate to be thought of as a meanie T_T but im just gna reply to these real quick pls do not be rude or hateful to me, my nonies, or the writer!! thank you.

first: i do not know the writer at all, nonie! but i can understand why you would think that

second: i understand being upset for me, i’m also a bit bothered by this if m bein’ honest :( but i do not want anyone being rude to them or sending any hateful messages! i also noticed the emoticon and how they switched up the link titles so it wasnt exactly the same but :T there’s nothin i can do abt it T_T m too afraid of confrontation

third: i can understand why you’re upset about the “tone tags” thing! as someone who is audhd and relies on tone tags the majority of the time, it’s a little upsetting when people don’t do their research on the topic T_T but i’m not saying they didnt! i dont know them personally nor do i know if they’re nd! but i do see why you think it’s bothersome, nonie! blog tags are Not tone tags

fourth: idk if this was meant to be disrespectful to them bcz again i struggle with reading and processing tone, especially through text T_T but like i said earlier i understand being upset for me bc i am as well, considering i’ve spent so much time prettyin up my blog n making it a reflection of my personality n it makes me a lil sad when people jus’ take that from me without even asking :( it’s such a silly thing to be upset about, i know, but im rly proud of how my blog is set up n it sucks having it copied

fifth: i hate being bothered by something like this but i get where ur coming from anonie T_T this isn’t the first time i’ve noticed someone copying little bits of who i am -_- but i’ve never said anything bc like i said i hate (!!!!!!!) confrontation n i won’t say anything to this writer (and neither should you guys!!!!!!!) either :x but i have and i do notice when people take my lil phrases n terms of endearment nd blog related stuff like my tags n layout T_T n it bums me out so bad bc i try so hard to show my personality thru this account n ppl just take pieces n agh!!! idek what im sayin im jus a lil upset rn :T

anyway!!!!!! again guys please, please, please don’t be rude or mean or send hateful stuff to other creators!!!!! i choose kindness n it’d mean the world to me if you all did too <3 n sry if i seem silly for letting this bother me T_T i know it’s kinda stupid but i’m autistic and idk if anyone else struggles w this but i really really really get upset over stuff like this T_T anyway that’s all !!! rmb to be kind pls

[shankschewtoy]

✨🧡🌙SEND THIS TO TEN OTHER BLOGGERS YOU THINK ARE WONDERFUL. KEEP THE GAME GOING ✨🧡

IM JUST GONNA TAG EVERYONE AND THERES GONNA BE MORE THAN TEN PEOPLE 😭

@yaminions - you. Are. AMAZING. My fellow braincell you’re awesome and gl with Chick-fil-A 😭 I give you the power of chicken nuggets to power through the day

@error525 - YOU STALK MY BLOG AND I LOVE YOU FOR IT- you always ask for the best things and I love writing for you sm- 💜💜💜

@kikithecorgi - you’re going to make me cry with your art it’s so amazing and adorable- but sometimes it’s so fucking sad 😭 you’re amazing!! 💜💜

@sgnjimmy - jimmy you’re a kid simp and you’re awesome don’t let anyone tell you differently or else I’ll beat their asses 💀

@kerokerogecko - Darling you’re so sweet and amazing!! You love pasta man and you’ve made me love him as well :))

@sunclown - your. ART IS AMAZING. 😭 Idek what else to say you’re just awesome and I always get happy when I see you post 🥺

@datsleepygirl - your posts are so adorable I love reading them so much- especially that law one it was so cute😭😭 you’re amazing and pls make sure you take care of yourself!! 💜

@ladymoney-smut - you’re so sweet and I absolutely LOVE your requests! (I’ll always write Zoro hcs for you :)

@kimboltart - ACE AS A TINY CAT- 😭 your art is amazing and I always look at it when I’m sad to cheer myself up 🥺

@yumenofude - the ally things with law and Luffy will forever remain in my photos 💀 and it always makes me cackle at 2 in the morning- your art is amazing I love it sm!! 💜💜

@leol - deuce and ace are so adorable in your style 🥺 I struggle to not shed a tear whenever I see them they’re so cute 💜😭

All of you are so amazing I love you all. Please take care of yourselves and drink water it’s too fucking hot rn 💀

I’m chasing you bec I wanna give you the biggest hug ever. be prepared >:)

You can deny the hug but I’ll be a bit sad but that’s ok :D

[wormwizerd]

tagged by @abbenai! thanks! wow it's been a long time since i've done one of these lmao

Rules: Tag 10 people you want to know better

Relationship Status: unpartnered and uninterested!

Favorite Color: all those dark blue greens, dark green blues :)

Song stuck in your head: build me up buttercup by the foundations

Song last listened to: bro idek they play music everywhere i go but dangerous by big data was on the radio on the way home tonight! if you want more of my like intentional listening lemme shuffle thru my likeds real quick and we've got. cruel world by active child (which i actually got as a rec from my sweetest bestest buddy <3)

3 Favorite Foods: hmmmm i'm gonna go with.......... just like. stir-fried noodles n broccoli n egg......and... parfait.. and ! soft tacos. honestly these foods just have really nice feelings and memories associated with them, i probably like other stuff more but i can't think of them rn and i do love these

Last thing you googled: uhhh vivekananda mission. my mom was suggesting resources for in case i ever wanted to reconnect to hinduism n stuff ? it was a very rushed conversation cuz my day's plans were starting in like two seconds haha but OH i just remembered an interesting thing i looked up last night was how do jellyfish reproduce. it's way cool actually, you should look it up too.

Dream Trip: i just wanna road trip around tbh, idec where. i don't even necessarily want to See The Sights or whatever i just wanna stop at scenic viewpoints maybe and stay in motels and wander around towns and buy trinkets and food at small shops

Anything you want right now: hmm Right Now? i wanna shower and head to bed. i guess i've kinda got to thinking abt parfaits now, that could be really nice hehehe

hrmmm i'm so sleepy idk if i can think of that many people but uhhh tagging @kangaspark @wormsoft98 @elsecaller-jasnah @apollopotamus @go-seeking @fuckoffblogs @poparako @kitkatchonky @vaibhavi-ty @melancholicwait

no obligation! only if you wanna :)

[pomarrillo]

rant cuz im cringe and i’m free hii everybody hiiii

ok so like. i’ve been attempting to make a mother 3 piece for like the entirety of the past week and i’ve made three of them which i all hate. im showing them here cuz i feel like it’s a fruitless effort if i don’t share lol

didn’t even bother finishing the last one lololol

i. cannot get into the groove bro. i haven’t made anything i’ve really liked since april and idk 😭 i’ve tried taking a rest month since my uy fanart thinking i’d feel better after a good break but i feel like i lost more than i should’ve recovered. idek my own rendering process anymore. before it didn’t matter what it looked like in my head, but now i can’t even create a glimpse of what I want it to look like

so im just chilling rn. vibing even. im embarrassed to post those drawings but i wanna look back at this post when i feel better and laugh at it lol. mostly wrote this all for me but thank u if u read it. and if you’re one of the people who’ve ever liked/shared/followed/wrote nice things in the tags on any of my drawings... JUST. TYSM. i say it all the time but literally all of that is what makes me crawl on my hands and knees just to get something out 😭😭😭 sincerely thank uuuu 🙇‍♂️🙇‍♂️🙇‍♂️

[insert-neologism]

INTRO Post YEAHG (ppl wanted this). this is LONG but there's a shorter version now!! exciting.

g e n e r a l stuff ig

(i have never made one so idk what to put here (it's way longer than i thigght though. sorry) but if u have any questions u can ask me everything! fr)

the names that i primarily go by here r mito n tomas (bc theyre the ones in my bio thing) but I have like a lot of names (bascially every word I like. more or less) so I guess u can just call me whatever??

I love music and I listen to almost EVERYTHING so it's hard to pin down a few artists. the ones i think r most underrated are flower face and aliceband though (if u ask i WILL make u a playlist. if u send me more music i will be happy). Idk i play guitar and I want to play drums which is hard bc I dont have any. also want to learn piano like this year

other than that i write pretty much (sb beta my stuff pls) oh and I have synesthesia which is fun Uhhh i love (over)interpreting things so there's a lot of that here and I csnt spell!! but I think thats obvious.

Im queer like in general

Im posting abt a lot of stuff, main interests (rn) are: tma/tmagp, starkid/sap, and yellowjackets. and discworld. we <3 discworld (sb ask me what my fav book is)

asks/dms r always open!! I love talking.

NOTE i wont be there as much the next 5 weeks, i think but u can still talk to me (pls do) ill just answer like a bit later

beneath that thing r my tags n projects it's rather long though i think. n this is long enough alr

t a g s

mitos incredible life - basically all of my original posts. whys it called that and not smth like 'my posts'? i dont fucking remember and id rlly like to know that too but im not gonna change it now. anyways it's everything from poetry stuff to edits to complaining etc

mine art tag - stuff i make, mostly edits and sometimes writing

spine - writing stuff im basically just putting somewhere when im on tumblr anyways and dont want to open the notes app. those are real life first drafts and not good

there r more i think but ig youll get them

p r o j e c t s

basically if ive planned smth for more than 1 day it's a project to me. If youre reading this I probably got multiple going on rn

the ones that are finished always have a like wrap post thingy

tag: tomas pulls thru

then I have a current wip status post which you can find here. like bascially what's finished alr and what's not n other stuff. (probably gonna forget this exists though so. might not be accurate I just love unnecessary complicated things).

tag: current wip status (if u dont wanna click the link or smth idek)

andd the post where the finished project r listed is heree

tag: project overview

IDK WHAT ELSE TO PUT HERE it will probably be updated. very sure but not the next few weeks bc as ive said i will be gone.

[saetoru]

Hi I've been following your blog for ages and I love ur writing and I think ur spitfire personality is so funny to see on dash too hehe. I haven't really interacted before bc im shy 😭 but yday one of your rbs struck a chord with me and I thought I'd finally break the ice

That post about telling white people to kill themselves xyz idk I just think it was quite a sad statement overall and idek if you agree with that take or entertain it at all but I feel like its so common all over tumblr :/

Its 1000% fair to call out people who are entitled and privileged, esp after generations of discrimination and trauma (Im a poc too and I've had my fair share of marginalisation) but to make such a sweeping statement about a whole race of people...

Theres lovely white people, and I've met some genuinely amazing, down to earth ones throughout my life who couldn't give a shit about what colour my skin is. On the other hand there's other white people who blatantly hate you for looking a certain way.

In the same way, there's amazing poc whilst there's also terrible ones too. I worked in retail for a year and both times I cried was because a POC verbally abusing me. One of my own race, telling me I should take off my hijab because I "don't know manners" after she screamed at me to return her items and I said I wasn't allowed to because she didn't have a tag which funnily enough is also racism.

The only point I'm trying to make is that unironically the world isn't black and white, and I feel like making sweeping statements about a whole race of people just feeds into the vicious cycle of hate that we're all trying to break out of in the first place.

I feel like saying this on tumblr on your own account is social suicide because everyone's so like omg white people kys 🙄🙄🙄🙄 so I thought I'd talk to you instead because you're eloquent, have a big platform and tbh I just wanna know more ab your takes on it all

hi !! while i’m very glad you think i’m an eloquent person to talk about this, and i’m flattered you think highly of me as motioned above, i think i’ll have to drop this topic with the simple fact that i think the humor of that reblogged post was that the blog dm’d someone and explained why they wanted to block them, that they didn’t know how to block them, and asked if the other person could block them for them. it was just the humor of that concept i think that made that post blow up and the irony of messaging someone u want to remove.

i don’t tell white ppl to kts for simply being white and i don’t think ppl should do that, but i also don’t rly want to get into racial discussions rn bc i don’t think that was the real point of that post.

anyway i appreciate ur thoughts—they were all interesting points and ur experiences are all valid and i’m sorry you went thru them, and i didn’t want to ignore u, but i hope u can understand i’m not rly looking to start this discussion !!

[seelestia]

I FOUND IT >:) nyahaha take THAT tumblr

*pat pat* ofc!!! and that's fine, you gotta do what you have to do!! hot cocoa!! that sounds really good, i just had one the other day (well it was milo, but close enough-)

HELP THAT EMOTE JLFKJSKDLJFLSD I LOVE THAT SM (⁠｢⁠`⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠)⁠｢ 𒆙

WHEEZE- *sound of cyno clapping in the background* WELL i finished act 3 and 4 and i watched the livestream live... and he seems scary at first, but i think i can see why people really like him hehe beneath all that scary and stoic demeanor lies a gentle and good soul. he is indeed neat!! he's like a more cooperative version of xiao, u right

i have yet to play act 5, have you? i wanted to do it this weekend but we'll see if i feel like doing it haha

*hands you a high quality eyedrop i use to flash my puppy eyes at zhongli* i gotchu bestie /j

"heavy lore belongs in permanent quests, not temporary ones" YES THANK YOU LSDKFJLKSJDF as a non-day 1 player i find it a little annoying that i had to watch videos to experience albedo's backstory. like. are you kidding me hyv ;;;;

hehe you can always play it whenever you're free! no rush <3 and yeah.... we're all falling for the cheeky bad boy on the block *facepalms* /j

LDKJAFLKAMSLFGHSLJODLGFA LOOK AT H IM LOOK AT HOW HANDSOME H ELOKS OH MY GOD THAT SMILE IM-

meirin.exe has crashed..... rebooting............

not the uno reverse card >:| /j *pulls out dictionary* no looksie, 't' - 'talent' - "natural aptitude or skill." - synonyms: flair, aptitude, facility, gift, seelestia - YOU SEE even the dictionary agrees!!!

MY CUTEST CUPID I LOVED IT AAAAA i had to console zhongli as we speak BUT NEVERTHELESS you are right i think we would be compatible in the 'opposites attract' way hehe thank you again for the matchup <3

WOOHOOOO! i was so sad when i realized that tumblr ate your ask 😭 and apparently, it ate a fic from you too??? one inch away from giving tumblr a knuckle sandwich rn

SO TRUE. MILO IS A MIRACLE SENT FROM ABOVE. but i can't drink too much lest i get a stomachache, hehe. but idek know the difference between milo and chocolate anymore when i buy iced choco in a café 🚶 (was i scammed? was it milo that i could've bought from the convenience store all along? /j)

I KNOW RIGHT. I SAW THAT EMOTE AND CACKLED FOR AWHILE. rin jie, your hubby is so iconic he even got his own rock as an emote 💅

i saw that you completed act 3 & 4! hehe, how was it?? i love how everyone came together as a team even tho we're a rag-tag bunch, hehe. AND CYNO IS SO <3 (especially when i remember that he cracks jokes and then explains them in detail when no one laughs 😭)

yep, i did! i started the quest as soon as i did my comms because i have no more story quests or world quests left, so i gobbled that new content immediately 🏃 btw, lmk when you finished act 5! i wanna know what you think ;D OH AND i just remembered that there was quite a lot of alhaitham screentime in act 3-4, how was it? i assume you already saw the scene where he was reading a book about physics (and asked paimon if she understood it) because i loved that scene LOLLL okay, aristotle apprentice, chill. (/j)

FRRR. altho i'm not a day 1 player, i started genshin somewhat early on, but it always bothered me when they did that like the future players deserve to know this bit of lore happened 😭 and especially when the events had free weapons too! like festering desire in v1.2 <//3 i think they could've kept the events in the same way they do story quests?? claim a few keys and unlock thru the events you may have missed in the past for a few days or a week... but whatever can we do?? sigh. really sorry you had to watch albedo and subject 2's beef on youtube tho <//3 such great lore that new players couldn't experience first-hand because of that 😔

GENSHINBLR THANKS YOU FOR YOUR CONTRIBUTIONS 🙏 but fr, rin jie, we don't deserve you because good written content and good game content?? YOU ARE GIVING US THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS <3 when i say that you're the first person that came up when someone asks me for writer reccs, i mean it with my whole darned chest like seriously 😭🫶 (vv and truly /g /srs !!)

my dearest cousin, is one fanart all it takes to render you to a malfunctioning mess... me too, me too. (/lh) you sent me that little ayato with his boba addiction post and i kept smiling like an idiot fjekske AND I'M GLAD YOU LIKED THE MATCHUP <3 infj x intj duo never disappoints~ zhongli, please don't take it personally. jkekkske (fun fact: as an infj, i also find it funny that ayato is an entj 😭 does falling for e/intj's run in our family /j)

[fatummortem]

Anon asked: I haven’t seen many ships on your blog. What ships would you like or have for your muses? Accepting Curious Anons

    Y’mean on my blog or in canon? I’m answering both & this got a bit long so, read more it is~ Adding my work in progress muses on here too. Though spoiler alert I like chemistry.

   Daken with Aurora is adorable. I waited a bit to see more of them & I have to say I pretty much love it. Kinda liking the vibe that a poly relationship is going to maybe happen with Somnus, so we’ll see. I have a lot of ships, they’re just not around right now. Y’know how it is, sometimes ya need a breather from things. Donno if they’ll go back to their blogs, so I’m not listing them. Don’t wanna make them feel pressure into coming back. 

    I have an Unrequited ship with @dementedspeedster for Rosie & Rosie’s love for him seems to be shifting over to just a strong friendship. But she’s probably not gunna stop pranking his ass if it does.

     I have a ship for Daken with Deb/Sungirl that’s the one I change the URL to Circus Rose. The muns shifting blogs rn so I can’t tag her. I adore them honestly.

     There is something starting for Rosie with @symbioteburnout​ where we’re seeing where things go.

      I have a few muses I’m working on adding. Nocturne I think is adorable with Blink but I don’t care if anything comes from it in the comics. Nocturne’s been stuck in a reality for ages so I don’t have any that scream at me to get. That & there aren’t many Exiles about. Cloud well canonly I have a love for him & Aerith or Aeris but I have a fondness for a lot of things in that fandom. Even some that are in Kingdom Hearts.  I am hoping something Poly pops up I’m not listing but I usually do. I’m more of a chemistry kinda guy for my muses so we’ll where the rabbit hole leads. 

     Over the years I found Rosie’s super hard to keep ships? So most rps with her, if not all, are just angling for friendship. She’ll probably be oblivious just for the fact she’s really bad at Relationships. I did have a ship that lasted a long time with a Jason for her, which was platonic. I did enjoy her & Eddie in New Earth. Tho that was tragic.

     That’s not counting the ships i have on discord, but that’s all on discord so I’m not gunna list them all. Tho if you’re reading this & want me to list the ship on here, gimme a nudge & I will.

      I had a few things I was talking about before I went quiet so idek if it’s still down. Again if it is, feel free to thwap my noggin & I’ll add it.

[untaintedtea]

Tagged by @yennas to make my characters in this picrew!! Thank you, I love this one since it's lipstick-centric lol. Tagging fellow lipstick people @black-rose4 and @frogprincelucio as well as @elmha and @yenanng idek how much you like lipstick but yeah. but @ anyone tag me if you wanna do this bc it's so cute tbh!

Ririka Shepard/Kitty Ryder Aria Surana/Leithianel Lavellan/Grey Shirazi

It's gonna be a long time before I draw lipstick/perfume ads for them, so I'm gonna ramble about their lipstick bc I own colours for all of them (and working on perfume for some 💀) lmao. I don't expect people to read it but tell me if you do lksfjdlskfds I would read if anyone did this too negl. this is the only makeup I know about lol

Ririka: Safe Word by Smashbox. But sometimes she'll use the NARS oil-infused lip tint in Orgasm over top or by itself! So exciting. Yes I own them bc the names are hilarious and that's partly why I made Ririka use them but they're legit her style. I pixelled them before.

Kitty: Wild Spirit by NYX (portrait), but I can't remember if I eventually tossed mine bc it had a weird smell. Alternatively, Violet Fury by Fenty. There wasn't a cooler purple in the picrew, so that was closest. Fenty Clapback and Anastasia Beverly Hills Requiem for blue shades. Also I think she'd wear Wild Night by NARS for formal things lol. She's a collector so she's got a ton of different colours/finishes.

Aria: this is subject to change since I only thought about her recently lol but I think she leans darker, so I'm gonna go with Trax by Marc Jacobs. That's the only lipstick Mayari wears too, and it's my favourite dark red lipstick, but it's unfortunately limited edition. Or possibly Vin Chaud by The Face Shop, which is discontinued, but it's one of the first colours I got when I first got into lipstick. I can't find a swatch but it's like a lighter Trax.

Leithianel: def more of just a balm/tint sort of person but I think I typically colour her lips a little dark for that lol. So probably Film Noir or Antique Velvet by MAC, if anything. Otherwise realistically it's probably some random balm from Burt's Bees etc on sale bc I don't think she's too concerned lol

Grey: Dior 999 — I think mine is satin (swatch defaults to velvet; it's 4th last) but I'm not looking rn. I tend to colour darker/less saturated but I always imagine her with it anyway. Maybe in a new drawing. Alternatively Oxblood by Burberry since it's darker but not too dark? She's also a collector but everything is red and she has a bunch of lipstick that are practically identical to each other (but she'll explain to you why they're actually different).

if you're reading this thank you bc this took way too long wtf lmao

[stilydinski]

you ever just listen to a fanfic playlist and it's....so bad

[minqueee]

thinking abt getting new watercolors bc ive been using my prang ones for like 7 years now

[bunnykawa]

what are you doing, step bro? (sakusa x f. reader)

summary: To your parents, Sakusa was the greatest son. To you, he was the best big brother you could’ve ever asked for, but you could only find that out with a little force.

a/n: i literally just started college so i won't have much time to write but i have some stories in my drafts that'll be posted in awhile lol. should i open requests for haikyuu drabbles since they're short but still entertaining?? idek i feel like no one is reading this rn LOL but if anyone is reading this, lmk ;)

(edit: I HAD TO REPOST THIS CS IT WASNT SHOWING UP IN TAGS so sorry if you already liked this post)

warnings: 18+, incest, mentions of drugging,  mentions of somnophilia, mentions of parental neglect, noncon/dubcon/rape, sakusa is a dirty pervert i just don’t know how else to tag this, degradation, slight manipulation

"(Y/N), this is your new big brother, Kiyoomi," your mother said, holding tightly onto your small shoulders as you stood in front of her.

"You can refer to him as your nii-san from now on." Locking eyes with you was an older boy with long black wavy hair, two moles on the right side of his forehead, and a white face mask on the lower half of his face which blocked his nose and mouth. How odd, you thought. You could tell he was disinterested with how his eyes were blank as he stared at you.

That was the first time meeting your step brother, Sakusa Kiyoomi.

Being four years younger than Sakusa, you two never really got along. Of course you had to respect each other, but there was nothing to really talk about other than when his volleyball games were or unfulfilling small talks. Sometimes he would make snide remarks, asking if you even showered when your hair was only slightly messy or if a smart word ever came out of your mouth when you stumbled over your words. Sometimes he was just mean to you in general to the point where you would cry. You always tried to ignore it, though. That was when you were younger. You couldn’t help that you weren’t that smart and he was your nii-san after all. Your parents would brush it off.

You celebrated his victories together, only because you had to. I mean, you were the younger sister of one of the nation's top three aces in high school volleyball. There was no way your parents wouldn't celebrate. He was their pride and joy.

Smart, athletic, incredibly attractive — everything you felt like you could never live up to.

Your own biological mom so obviously and painfully liked him more than you.

Before you even entered high school, Sakusa was old enough to move out and go to college where he continued to play volleyball. When he visited during the holidays, you still wouldn't have decent conversations with him. He would still insult you. It even made you cringe when you had to call him nii-san. Why address him as your older brother when he didn't even act like it?

But you dealt with it because you had to.

Fresh out of Itachiyama Academy, you're focused on studying for entrance exams for colleges in your area rather than what would happen if you ever had to see Sakusa again. But, you were expecting to see him very soon.

Gentle knocks are heard from outside your door and before you can respond, your mom is already opening it.

"(Y/N), Omi is coming today and he's gonna be here for a week. I have to go to the grocery store to buy food and I'm gonna run other errands so it's gonna take awhile," she says, leaning her head into your room. You respond multiple times with "okay" so she can leave your room sooner.

Textbooks and notebooks are strewn across your bed with you on your stomach, trying to cram as much information in your head as possible.

"That means I might not be here in time for when he comes, so you have to open the door and greet him," she adds.

"What about dad?" you ask with a grimace. The most you would do is say hello and scurry back into your room.

She rolls her eyes at you. "He's working late again. You know that, (Y/N)." With a sigh, you agree and she finally leaves your room after bidding you a "goodbye."

You can't remember the last time you saw Sakusa, but it was probably almost half a year ago. Ever since he left for college, your parents were even more distant towards you. They probably felt like they didn't need to worry about you because you weren't doing anything important.

When Sakusa came over, he barely acknowledged you and you were okay with that because it meant he wouldn't be bothering you.

But that didn't mean his blank stare wouldn't catch your attention whenever you came out of your room to eat or use the restroom. The atmosphere felt...very odd around him. You couldn't necessarily come up with a reason why.

Suddenly, you hear knocking on the front door. It had to be at least an hour or two since your mom left and the thought of who was waiting at the door made your stomach churn.

"Nii-san is here," you mutter to yourself as you got up to open the door. Right as you open the door, Sakusa was staring down at you with the same blankness in his eyes from before with his usual face mask. His hair was shorter than you remember.

Mindlessly, his eyes seem to scan your body before returning to your face, making you feel self-conscious. You were only wearing black spandex shorts and a loose tank top. Subconsciously, you rub your arm and step back to make space.

"(Y/N)," Sakusa acknowledges you in a deadpan voice. It's no surprise to you.

"Hi, onii-san. How are you?" You try so hard to be polite, but Sakusa seemed to have a naturally dominant energy that overwhelmed your senses, even if he also seemed to have the personality of a jar of mayonnaise. You step aside so he can come in. He wore gray sweatpants and a black windbreaker that was zipped up all the way. As soon as he makes it inside, he removes his face mask, stuffs it in his pocket, and starts unzipping his jacket.

"I'm good," he hums, "Where's mom?" He places the backpack he was carrying on the couch and takes a seat as you close the door.

"She's out doing errands and dad is working. Do you want some tea?"

"Yes, please. Make sure you wash your hands before you do. Thank you," he said. You walk into the kitchen, muttering "germaphobe" under your breath at his extra request. Unbeknownst to you, he watched you from his place on the couch as you walked around the kitchen, pulling the tea kettle out of one of the bottom cabinets and looking for cups. His gaze followed the outline of your ass in those tiny shorts that hugged your bottom tightly.

"What college are you planning on going to, (Y/N)?"

"I'm not sure yet, but I'm applying to the college you're going to and three others," you replied from your spot near the counter.

Sakusa actually perks up at your answer. "Oh, cool. You'll love it there if you get in. Only if, though. You're not the brightest."

You couldn't help but let your face fall in a frown at his seemingly small comment. Quickly, you compose yourself and brush off his remark. You got the water boiling in the tea kettle and reached high for the teacups that were sitting on the top cabinets. Your stepdad definitely put them up there.

A presence looms close behind you, which makes your whole body automatically freeze and tense up. A veiny, bulky arm reaches up easily to grab the teacups while another one snakes around you to pull your tank top down as it was exposing your stomach. You're not sure if you're imagining it, but you definitely feel something stiff brushing up against your back.

"You need to be careful. Don't wanna hurt yourself, do you?" Sakusa commented, leaning forward so his mouth was right next to your ear. A blush found its way onto your cheeks from feeling him so close to you.

He usually hated being so close to people. What was so different today?

"R-right," you stuttered, "Thank you, nii-san."

Confrontation wasn't a strong trait of yours.

You guess that moment was when it started getting really weird between you two. You still had small talks from whenever he would actually see you come out of your room, but you wanted to avoid him as much as you could. However, that was hard when Sakusa insisted that you drank tea together every night and, of course, your parents insisted, too.

Your nii-san wants to spend more time with you, they would say excitedly. Better late than never!

Maybe if he was showing the slightest bit of interest in you, your parents would finally care about you. So, with much hesitation, you started drinking tea with your step brother every night. Sakusa even made the tea himself so his poor little sister wouldn't tire herself out with carrying that heavy teapot.

You're still not sure if you're imagining things, but the tea tasted different from how you made it. And you swear that the tea didn't make you so sleepy after drinking it until he started making it.

"Come here," Sakusa would say with a smirk, "Onii-san will take you to bed."

You would pass out before you even made it to bed, but every morning you woke up with sticky thighs, only blaming it on sweating while you were sleeping.

Until one day, you didn't drink all the tea that he made you. You still fell asleep, though. Your brain was hazy enough to make you lose consciousness as he helped you up from your seat in the kitchen.

Sakusa laid next to you on your bed. You were placed on your side so he could slide under the sheets right behind you to press his hardened length against your ass. This was his favorite part of the night. He spent a few minutes playing with your cunt to make it slick enough for him to let his cock break through your walls.

You barely stirred awake. Didn't even move an inch as he caressed every part of your body, from your soft nipples to the sensitive nub between your thighs.

He pushed the elastic of his sweatpants down to his thighs quickly. His cock hit your ass before settling between your folds. A satisfied moan leaves his lips when he feels your wetness coating the top part of his shaft as he rubbed it against you. He hooked his arm around one of your legs so that you were spread open enough for him to fuck you and rub your clit at the same time with his other hand.

He wanted that sweet nectar completely coating his dick. He remembers the way you tasted and how you came on his tongue the night before, despite being blacked out from the little pills he would dissolve in your drinks. You tasted so clean and smelled so fresh. It was impossible for your nii-san to control himself around you.

And when did your ass look so good? God...Sakusa couldn't believe he never noticed how cute and well-shaped you were. You weren't that little girl he met when you were both kids. You were pushing adulthood now. Still pathetic looking, still too shy, still small around him, but fuck, he definitely would have pushed you over the counter the first day he came over and fucked you until you were crying and gagging.

He continued rubbing circles onto your clit and letting his cock soak up your juices. Gently, he positions the tip at your entrances and pushes in slowly.

"There you go," he whispers in your ear, "I know it's a little big. Don't worry."

He manages to fill you up all the way, making him groan. Your walls were tight around him. He thrusts in and out of you carefully, salvaging the feeling of your slick interior.

But you didn't drink all the tea, which means that you could wake up earlier than he expected.

Sakusa didn't expect you to wake up now.

You stirred slightly as you regained consciousness. Although your eyelids were heavy, you tried to force them open only to be met with darkness.

"Mmm," you croaked, rubbing your eyes. The odd feeling of being filled up suddenly made you wake up more. "W-what's going on?"

"Fuck," Sakusa muttered from behind you. You felt a hard chest pressed against your back and...a hand on your pussy. No, something inside your pussy. And that voice was so familiar.

You quickly whip your head around when the realization dawns on you. What the fuck is happening? While your eyes adjust to the dark room, you see two familiar eyes staring straight back at you. He stopped grinding his hips against you for a moment as if time stopped.

"...Nii-san?" you hesitated. His breathing was heavy and he stayed silent.

"Nii-san, what are you doing?" you asked in a panicked voice. You quickly tried to get up from your position, only to be held down by Sakusa’s muscular arms. His hand wrapped itself over your lips to prevent you from screaming.

“Be a good girl and stay quiet, (Y/N),” he whispered. A muffled scream tries to escape your lips. He continued to fuck you slowly, leaving a burning feeling in your walls. The same sore feeling that you would sometimes wake up to within the past few days.

For a moment, you pry his fingers off of your mouth. "I don't understand...Why are you...?" You yelped in surprise, horror, and pleasure as he delivered a sharp thrust from behind you. The smack of his hips against your bare ass made you cringe and feel so disgusted with yourself. Nii-san is actually inside me.

"My poor little sister," he chucked darkly. He suddenly wraps his arm around your knee tighter and forces your legs wide open, your knee almost touching your chest. Instead of putting his hand over your mouth to shut you up, he kneads your breast. His hands were so large.

"You think you can walk around the house looking like a little slut in those tiny shorts?" He stretches you open with his hard cock with slow, yet hard, thrusts. It left your mouth agape, but no sounds left your throat except for small squeaks that you couldn't hold back. "You stupid bitch. Just as dumb as I could remember. Fuck, you don't know how much I wanted to bend you over and fill you up with my cum like the stupid, desperate slut you are."

He was satisfied as you were barely fighting him. All you did was desperately search for something to hold onto and bite your lip because you were so scared. His words were painful. "Look at you. A waste of fucking space, only good as a fuck hole. Didn't even realize she was getting drugged and getting fucked every night because she's so fucking stupid."

Weak. That was all your brain was telling you, mocking you, as Sakusa didn't stop moving against you and insulting you. This wasn't the first time. It just so happened that this time you were able to wake up.

"I-I..." you stuttered, "I'll...I'll tell mom and dad." The sheets were gripped tightly between your fingers. "I'll tell them- mmmm...what nii-san has been doing to me..."

"If you tell mom and dad, they wouldn't even care," Sakusa said in a patronizing tone. The way his hand was caressing you made you wanna cry.

“They would!”

"Mom and dad don't even treat you like a daughter, (Y/N). When was the last time they told you they loved you?" Even if his question was rhetorical, your mind went completely blank. You can't recall a moment where they ever told you they loved you.

"B-but, this isn't right! You're not supposed to be doing this," you argued. It was a surprise that your mind wasn't completely clouded by how big his cock was and how his thrusts felt almost hateful.

"You think they would choose your side? You'd be ruining your own life. Maybe you'd ruin mine. And it'd be. All. Your. Fault." With each syllable, his movements became sharper. "You don't wanna betray your nii-san by saying something, do you?"

"You love your nii-san, right?"

You do. You love him so much, even if you tried to avoid him and he never said a single good thing to you in your whole damn life.

Because you have to love him.

You stopped gripping on the sheets to the point where your knuckles were turning ghostly white to brush away the tears rolling down your cheeks. Your body shook, from both crying because of Sakusa's painful words and how hard he was fucking you. The pleasure building up in your core was overwhelming you, making that intense feeling of having to pee forced out of you.

Hearing your sniffles and small cries, Sakusa pulls you even tighter against him, but doesn't stop his relentless thrusting. It turned him on even more. He pushes your hand to brush away your tears for you, like good big brothers should.

"It's okay, (Y/N). We both know mom and dad don't love you."

A loud cry erupted from your chest. Maybe if your parents cared about you, they'd be running to your room to save you the second you started crying. But, no. Sakusa was basking in the fact that you were hurting on the inside. After years of negligent silence, you were finally letting it all out.

"But nii-san loves you," he said with a smile.

Although his words seemed to stun your entire being, you manage to choke out a "What?" Like it was the first time someone ever told you that they love you.

His torturous thrusts almost distracted you. Fuck, why did it feel so good to have your step brother fucking you on your side like this?

"I love you." He sweetly grabs your face so you can turn your head to look at him. There was a pounding in your ears coming straight from your chest. A warm feeling spreads throughout your stomach.

"You...you love me, nii-san?"

"Of course I do." He was actually smiling at you, "If I didn't, would I be inside you right now?"

His face didn't seem so blank anymore. Sakusa never ever smiled at you. Hell, he never really smiled in general. Someone actually loved you. Holy shit. And he was even pounding away at your insides like you were a fuck doll.

Is that why he's so mean? Was he just trying to hide his feelings for you this whole time? You could die laughing right now. His cock felt so damn good rearranging your guts against your will yet you were struggling to accept it.

Your cheeks naturally puffed up in happiness as you smiled so brightly at him. The flip switched in your brain so easily. Without another word, Sakusa kissed you passionately, because he knew you would let him continue to ravage your body. Your hips began to buck from the pressure building up in your lower half and you starting pushing your hips towards him, welcoming his length inside you. It felt like you needed more of him. More of his love.

Love me.

"Nii-san," you gasped against his lips. His movements never faltered, which you figured was from his amazing athletic ability and stamina.

"Be a good little sister and cum on my cock," he coaxed. He could tell you were so close to cumming from how tightly your precious cunt was hugging his length and how you were squirming against him. You were both slick with sweat. As you started squirming more violently against him, Sakusa tightened his grip on you.

“I’m gonna cum,” you whined desperately, “Nii-san, I’m gonna cum!” You grabbed his arms and pushed your fingernails into his skin, making him hiss from the sudden pain. With a firm grip over your mouth, he muffles your screams. Satisfaction settled in your stomach as you exploded all over his cock. Your sweet juices trailed down your thighs onto the bedsheets.

As much as Sakusa wanted to, he couldn’t fill up your insides and see your hole dripping with his cum just yet. He quickly pulls out of you and lets his seed shoot onto the bare skin of your ass. The shock of your orgasm left your thighs trembling, your skin wet, and your eyes drooping.

“You’re the best little sister.”

You would’ve replied, but you could barely form any words as you lost consciousness again. When you woke up the next morning, you were fully dressed and cleaned up, with no stickiness between your thighs like how you used to wake up.

Sakusa actually cleaned you up this time. You felt your heart melt and butterflies fluttering in your stomach.

Everything seemed to go back to normal between you two, with the same small talks and not really seeing each other often, but he always had a knowing smirk on his face whenever he saw you.

Whenever his eyes would trail up your body to meet yours, you could feel a warmth in your stomach spread all throughout your body which forced you to look away quickly. Whenever he insulted you, you would feel your thighs press together. Whenever you caught yourself admiring his features when he replaced his face mask for a new one, you smiled softly to yourself.

When it was time for him to leave, you couldn’t help but let a few tears shed. He was all set to go, with his backpack on and his mask covering his face.

“Hey, don’t cry, (Y/N),” he cooed, wiping your tears away, “You know I won’t be gone forever.”

You sniffled, “I know. I just hate being here alone.” Well, not necessarily alone. You just hated being ignored and neglected just because you weren’t your brother.

“If you manage to get into my college, you can move in with me. How does that sound?” You instantly perk up and dry your tears with your shirt.

"Really?!” you asked with excitement. You imagine all the things you could do with your nii-san without your parents in the picture. You could go out together, hold hands, share kisses, just about anything. He could even fuck you whenever he wants.

These thoughts about your own step brother would've made you feel sick before.

But that was before you knew Sakusa loved you. Now, you couldn't help but ask your mom when the next time your nii-san would be coming to visit. While you were waiting for his next visit, you studied hard.

College would be so much fun with your nii-san with you!

Part 2