#idk amara was always off putting to me

[samsno1]

idk is its just me but the kiss dean and amara shared disgusted me so much

their """"love"""" was only based on the moc and i feel that amara took advantage of dean's vulnerability in that moment

i hate it, that scene made me sick to my stomach, this whole storyline made me physically ill, everytime amara "seduced" him, be it unintentionally or not, i would have to stop watching for a few moments because their whole dinamic was forced and it looked wrong

idk man, it was so weird to me and i dont think i would willingly watch that again, it was horrible, i felt horrible. just remembering it sends shivers up my spine

[thehighladywrites]

— “Do you eat pussy like that?”

☀︎ — pairing: nerd/tutor azriel x bimbo/ditzy reader

☀︎ — summary: you’re ovulating, insanely horny and thinking about putting your hands down his pants in the middle of the cafeteria

☀︎ — warnings: smut, nsfw, public display of affection, Azriel is a little stern, like a tiny bit, pussy eating, riding, ovulation

☀︎ — amara’s note: this was so fun to write, i love freaky bimbo reader, she’s so fun. also very realistic bc i too would wanna put my hands in azriel’s pants. and don’t mind the fact that this is complete nonsense. idk wtf is happening💗

series masterlist

You should’ve known azriel was an eater.

Whenever he ate, he did it like he was out of breath, inhaling his food and munching on it. He did this thing where he’d lean over his plate, shuffle food into his mouth, head tilting a little to the left, eyes closed and everything. It reminded you of the way he tilted his head when he kissed you.

He ate with such need and energy that you couldn’t help the dirty thoughts in your little brain. But it’s not even your fault, it’s his. Who the hell eats like he does?

You can't help but giggle whenever you watch Azriel eat, finding it very cute that he devours his food. It’s like, he really loves his meals, you know?

But then you remembered last night when you jumped on him while he was working on his computer. He looked so cute and focused, but his hands... so fucking hot, they looked so good. Like, seriously, how can hands be so attractive? Maybe it was the ring, maybe it was the bracelet or maybe it was because you wanted to gag on them.

You knew you were ovulating, it was no surprise. You basically turn into a succubus, hellbent on getting slutted and fucked. Azriel is there, so naturally you want him to take care of it.

I mean, who else could help you? Getting off yourself is so much work and doesn’t feel nearly as good as when he does it.

“Azzie, i missed you sosososooo much!!” you strolled towards him with a massive smile. Azriel turned around at the sound of your pink, fluffy heels klicking against the cafeteria floor.

He gave you the kindest smile as you approached him, lifting his arm so you have room to lean against him. You had different classes in the morning, so you met him for lunch. you sit next to him, scooting as close as you can. If you could, you’d sit on top of him but you were in the cafeteria so you had to settle for leaning with your face nuzzled against his neck.

There he was, eating like he always did. But today, you couldn’t stop your thoughts. He was eating too good. You wanted to tell him, so you did.

“Hi, my sweet girl. I hope you had a good lecture. What do you want to do after classes?”

You sighed. You were dangerously horny, it was a miracle you didn’t put your hand down his pant, honestly.

“Hmm, I wanna be fingered, i want my pussy ate then i wanna be fucked for hours, pretty please?” you mumbled against his neck, kissing and licking a stripe.

Azriel started coughing, nearly choking on his food.

“And, uh, another thing. D’ya eat pussy like that?” you asked with hope, a french tip pointing to his plate.

“Oh my god, uh — okay, so, baby, you — you can’t just say stuff like that in public, okay?” he exclaimed, his cheeks flushing as he glanced around nervously.

“Why not? I want my boyfriend, there's no shame in it!” you declared, pursing your glossed lips, with your hands folded over your half-exposed tits.

Azriel nervously glanced around as you put a leg over his thigh. “Please help me, i’ll totally die if you don’t.”

“Okay, sure, but why are you so — um, frisky?" Azriel asked, his voice tinged with curiosity and a hint of nervousness. A nervousness that increased as you pressed your tits against him.

“I don’t know what that means.” You replied, tilting your head slightly in confusion, your ditzy demeanor showing through.

“Um, sexually charged,” Azriel tried to explain, his hands moving mid-air in an attempt to convey his meaning.

“I’m ovulating, Azzie. aka i need you inside, like right in this moment — like in this second, now.” your nail tapped quickly against the dining hall’s table, a sign of your impatience. “Please stop talking nonsense, i don’t know about sexually charged, m’just horny.”

“Right, right. I read about that. Okay, let’s go. Do you want my dorm or your apartment?” Azriel questioned as he stood up, lifting you from the bench.

That little move of him lifting you without hesitation or struggle made your jaw drop. Your hands automatically moved towards his belt, and a sweet expression crossed your face as you stared up at him, completely flustered.

“Yours.”

Azriel stopped you before you could bend down and blow him infront of people. He led you by the hand, your thoughts completely cleared, except for one thought.

You were SO gonna get it.

—

He’s so gentle. The way the flat of his tongue drags between your folds is ungodly to stay the least, the lewd squelching of his tongue flicking your glistening, throbbing clit.

“You okay? Holy shit you weren’t lying, you’re incredibly wet,” his fingers come to touch you, almost slipping in with no difficulty.

“mm-yeah, m’so good. J’st keep your mouth riiiight there,” you hummed, dragging his head back as you shifted his head a little to the left. He inserted one finger, then added another before curling them, just like he was taught.

You felt his tongue press against your clit at the same time, your hands gripping his shoulders in order to not writhe away.

“ ‘s really s-sensitive, ‘nd it feels so, so good, az.” He flushes, cheeks reddened at your sweet, whines and moans.

“so sweet.. you’re so sweet, baby.” he doesn’t stop when he speaks. instead, he continues to lap at your cunt, his face evidently beginning to get wet from the mix of your slick and his saliva.

It’s so messy, but he’s loving every second of it even when your juices wet his chin and entire mouth. You’re so close to sliding off his bed with the way you’re writhing away. But it’s like you have to! If he keeps his work up, you’ll cum all over his face in seconds.

“Stop tryna run away, you haven’t even finished yet.” He drags you closer to him by your thighs as he locks his arm around your legs.

“A—azzie! s-slow down, ‘m gon-gonna cum too quick if you keep goin’.”

He doesn’t slow down, and he definitely doesn’t stop. Instead you feel his tongue lap your cunt as he sneakily bring his hand up to your clit rubbing it softly.

When you cum, he just moves you on top of him with no warning. You had been begging to ride, whining about how you’d feel fuller if you were on top. As much as Azriel loves you, your whining was making him wanna check you.

“There. Now will you be good and ride? Hm?” He squeezes your waist as you put your hands on his toned stomach with a smile.

“Mm-hm, I’ll ride.”

Azriel is left damn near paralyzed after. He is sweating, trembling, dying.

You on the other hand couldn’t possibly be more content. He had given you a good dicking :)

🏷️: @ithan-holstroms-girl @whatdoyxumean @honeybeeboobaa @to-be-written @sidthedollface2 @stasiereads @amara-moonlight @thescooby-gang @linoisqt @mischiefmanagers @tortured-artists @scoobies @caroline-books @kalulakunundrum @meshelleexplosionmurder @danikamariewrites @clairebear08 @redbleedingrose @jeannineee @nocasdatsgay @v3lv3tf0x @liati2000 @teenageeggscissorslawyer @impossibelle @stonerpersona @dreamlandreader @djaaaa @callmeblaire @thelov3lybookworm @polli05927 @ahitsalyssa @evergreenlark @thegirlintheshadows101 @saltedcoffeescotch @acourtofladydeath @acourtofwhatthefuck @readychilledwine @daycourtofficial @azriels-shadowsinger @sapphicmsmarvel @hungryforbatboys @justasillylittlegoofyguy @luvmoo @emryb @meritxellao @mochibabycakes @artists-ally @azzieslittlebunny @berryzxx @sweetshifter @lilah-asteria @hannzoaks @throneofsmut

if ur username is in bold, i couldn’t tag you ;(

[jokingmisfit]

Heyaa I was wondering if you could please write a yandere Silas from tvd fic?

Sorry it took so long to respond. I got a puppy, my phone got shut off, my puppy ate the WiFi, and I found out I was allergic to weed. Anyways I fucking got you! 😼

Warnings- Kidnapping, reader is a vamp, i don’t know how good i captured his character but i’m open to advice, idk but tell me if i missed something

What Is Wrong With You?

It wasn’t like my life wasn’t always in danger anyway, but something about this situation seemed much more… Deadly? Scary? I really don’t know. All I do know is that it felt like if I made one small mistake I will never see anyone other than this man again.

It made no sense! Why is a man who spent years upon years just trying to get this girl back just suddenly flip and turn that obsession on me? I just don’t get it!

I sat on the bed in the middle of the room. If I dwell on the interior it looks like it belongs in a castle. Dark blue tapestries and bed sheets with complementary white and grey color accents. I had to admit that the bed was more comfortable than any I’ve ever laid in. The room was like that of a dream. It doesn’t take away the fact I’ve been kidnapped.

I’ve been here long enough that I’ve just grown more confused and more bored. He won’t explain why he’s acting like this, and I don’t think he even knows.

The doors swing open showing a very happy Silas. He walks to me with what I only describe as pure glee.

“Good morning, Sunshine!~” he said, flopping onto the bed.

Sighing, I turned to look at the sky through the dark curtains. “I don’t like the day.” I don’t want to please him with too many words.

He turned to lay on his stomach. “Oh, don’t be like that. You know I can just read your thoughts.” He says.

I glared back at him. “What is wrong with you?”

Silas smiled and tilts his head in mock confusion.

“None of this makes any sense,” I say, “You are in love with Amara, that’s obvious. So why are you kidnapping me, calling me cute nicknames, stealing my daylight ring, tying me to this stupid bed, and wanting me to feel happy with your perverted flirts!” 

Silas stares at me. It’s a calm, demanding look. A large jump from his taunts and jokes. “You,” he starts, “are so kind, you always give people your hand even when they have a bad past. Even when you know they’re going to hurt you, you try to help them.” He grabs my hands gently. “Amara isn’t the same, she isn’t afraid to put herself first.”

I cut him off quietly. “She’s been through a lot.”

He laughs. “See there it is again always sympathizing. Strong yet so sweet. I hate to admit, but over the time we’ve interacted I’ve realized you are the true epitome of perfection. And to this,” He motions to the ropes and room. “I knew you would never pick me first. You’re too scared…” Silas smiles again and pats my leg. “But that's no problem, I'm going to get you good. It’s only a matter of time before you fall for my charm!”

He’s thought about this more than I thought… I don’t know what’s more frightening, him thinking this is alright or that he really thinks I’ll love him.

“Don’t be like that Dovey. There’s no need to be so negative.” He pouts mockingly. 

Silas stands and leans to kiss my cheek. I try to pull away but he grabs my wrist and pulls me to him.

He straightens. “Well I have some annoying friends to take care of. You’ll wait here for me won’t you.” He laughs harder and walks out the room.

I start to lean into the bed, but he pops his head back in. “Love ya!” He says with a wink.

I truly am screwed.

[lahotelbellamuerte]

𝐎𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐘𝐨𝐮 - v. eternal love [永遠のラブ]

— ❀ series masterlist ❀ —

pairing; Han seoul-oh x amara!oc warning; fluff, mostly none, not proofread word count; 2.4k notes; this was just an extra content bit, before the start of the fast 6? i think... or seven—eh idk rn. but it does pick up after this.

IT HAD BEEN A NORMAL DAY, when Han knew he would marry Amara.The girl he had underestimated when he first arrived in Tokyo. Meeting her in a dingy small restaurant wasn't the best first impression of what she was capable of. The only thing that drew him closer to her was curiosity.

He found her rosy cheeks, glossy lips, and confidence, adorable. Nothing more, nothing less. That was until the girl offered him a night he would never forget. That night just so happened to be the day he finally walked into the underground business of Tokyo. All because of a blonde schoolgirl.

He was sitting above at his shop watching the blonde below.  Black overalls tied to her waist as she took apart the engine of a car. Hair tied up in a messy low bun, while her gloved hands removed a hose putting it aside. Unscrewing more bolts and putting them by the ridge of a windshield. Learning further on the car, she wiggled the piece in question. With a loud clang, the alternator fell to the floor. Pushing herself off the car she smiled and lifted the car a few inches to grab the old rusty alternator.

It was fascinating watching her work. He would've never thought she was that talented. Thanks to her father who was also a car fanatic she had someone to learn from. Making sure she would never need anyone's help. He admired that from her. Even though her image was completely the opposite of what she knew how to do. She dressed in bedazzled clothes, short skirts, and shirts. Her baby face was surrounded by the heavenly blonde hair, her rosy cheeks, and to top it off her always glittering lips, lined with lip gloss.

Mesmerized, he watched as she put a new alternator back, and begin putting piece by piece back. It wasn't like he was watching her for a few minutes, everyone could notice his eyes not leaving the blonde. They had yet to know if the two were together, but didn't want to question it.

Walking to the driver's door, Amara stepped on the clutch as she started the car, slowly letting the pedal go. Smiling as she heard the engine rumble properly, the way it should've. Turning it off, she moved to close the hood. Holding it with one hand, she removed the prop stick and let it fall with a snap.

Taking a breath she nodded and headed upstairs to where her secret boyfriend sat. His hands are occupied with an empty beer bottle. She furrowed her eyebrows at the sight, "You do realize there is nothing in that bottle?" she asked him sitting on the chair next to him.

He looked down and noticed she was right. Having been watching her for so long, made him not realize that it was empty. He chuckled and placed the bottle on a nearby table, "I knew that Princess," he replied.

Reaching for a water bottle she chugged it for a while, "Well the Skyline runs as good as new," she commented her eyes trailing to the blue Skyline below.

He nodded and looked over at her, "Want to go for a drive?" he suddenly asked her. The sudden need to be around her took over him.

"Sure mine or yours?" she asked referring to their cars.

Getting up he dug the keys from his pocket, "Mine, let's go," he said fighting the urge with himself to hold her hand. They had yet to come out to the whole public about their relationship. He knew people suspected the two, but no one ever had the guts to ask or call them out.

The two hopped into Han's Mazda, the very one she had gifted him. Driving off he reached for her hand kissing it slightly before moving his to the shift knob.

"Where are you taking me this time?" she asked her eyes on the long-haired man beside her.

Han glanced over at her for a second before smirking, "The place we love the most," he said looking forward.

Amara squealed, "Tokyo Disneyland?" she asked excitedly, not knowing it was the wrong answer.

He looked over to her, "You're joking," he said in disbelief.

The blonde shook her head, "No, why would I be joking?" she replied hoping they were going there.

Shaking his head he sighed, "Only for you Amara, only for you," he said, changing lanes to merge onto a highway that led them towards Urayasu, Japan. The corner of his lip lifted slightly as she squealed once more, leaning from her seat to plant a kiss onto the corner of his mouth, as he was driving.

"Love you Han!" she said turning to look at the outside move in a blur as they drove half an hour away from Tokyo.

"I know princess, love you too," he mumbled his hand still on the steering wheel as he maneuvered his way around other cars.

There was nothing more perfect he found about Amara. A young woman who was sweet as a cherry, but anyone who messed with her, knew she was hard as the pit to the cherry. He had grown to love the spontaneous blonde.

More often then not, he would see the Skyline swerve to the side and ask him to get in. Each time took the duo going to new places he hadn't seen. Never had he been more thankful for a woman like her.

He remembered the first time he saw her in her school uniform. It had been months since his move to Tokyo, already having something established for himself. Going to pick his money from certain areas that he now began to claim. He froze as he grabbed the cash, his eyes trained on the walking figure.

Her long blonde hair blew softly in the wind, her face showing no emotion as she walked forward.  His eyes moved down to her white button-down, her tie hanging loosely around her neck. As the blazer with the school crest on her shoulder, and not forgetting the plaid skirt ending around her mid-thigh. Her black socks match her mary janes on her feet.

After school, Amara wasn't the one to care about her surroundings, wearing the stuffy uniform all day made her a bit snarky. Her bag slung against her shoulder as she slowly moved past people.  He felt sick to his stomach when the thought of her looking attractive crossed his mind. The girl wasn't even twenty and he was thinking things he shouldn't. Turning from her direction he grabbed the cash and entered his Skyline he had brought with him, from LA. 

The teen never knew that Han had seen her that day, and never would. Not ever knowing the moment Han started to fall for her. He kicked himself for days after that. Ignoring her as he would see her at races with her friend Neela and Takashi.

The blonde not helping with wearing her short flowy dresses to the shows. Her pretty shiny pink lips along with her doe eyes briefly glancing at him. Making him look or walk away from her. Not wanting to face the facts that he had gained feelings for her.

It wasn't until a few days after, that Amara cornered him in an elevator. Pressing the emergency stop button to talk to him, "Why have you been ignoring me?" she asked her hands resting on her hips. A short plaid skirt hugged her hips, leaving a sliver of her waist to show as she wore a lilac cropped tank top.

Han sighed knowing he couldn't run away from this, "I'm sorry Amara, but we—" he paused to shut his eyes for a second before glancing the ceiling light, "—I can't be near you, I'm not good for you," he said believing that she shouldn't be near an older man like himself.

Amara snorted rolling her pretty brown eyes, that he couldn't look away from, "Please, that's a lie and you know it, " she said crossing her arms leaning on one hip.

The man didn't move for a while, he just looked at her in front of him. Not once did she shift under his gaze, not once did she look uncomfortable. She was everything Giselle wasn't. She wasn't some girl that knew her way around danger, wasn't an expert driver, didn't know her way around cars as she had. But boy, was he very wrong about that. And just like all the men that crossed in her life, he would learn who Amara really is. Han Seoul-Oh had a type and he had yet to know.

Without a moment's thought, the school girl closed the gap between them. Sickeningly enough he kissed back, loving the taste of the cherry lip gloss on her mouth. He moved his large hands to her waist as she moved hers to the back of his head running and pulling on his hair.

Realizing his actions he pulled away breathlessly, he watched as Amara started the elevator again. Digging to her skirt pocket. She pulled out a tube of lip gloss, unscrewing it she began applying it to her pink lips. As her eyes never left his. The elevator dinged as she capped the tube, "See you soon, Han," and said waving her fingers walking out of the elevator as nothing had happened.

He was stunned by the boldness of the girl. Chuckling to himself he knew maybe it wasn't going to be all that bad chasing after the blonde schoolgirl.

"Disney!" Amara squealed as she could see the tall castles from a distance, "Han we're here!" she said leaning towards the window.

Pulling to the park, he handed the cash over for the parking, not minding the small price. For his girlfriend who was basically jumping up and down her seat. Pulling the car into a space, she flew out of the car. Running over to his side and pulling on his hand as he locked the car.

For the next few hours he was pulled from ride to ride. Amara laughing as the wind flew past her hair for most of the rides. Han just loves the sound as he smiles softly following her around.

The entire time a smile never left her face, letting her almost unnoticeable dimples appear on her face. His second favorite thing from that day besides her smile was the rides he didn't go on with her. She was unbothered as she was a very sociable person. He watched from afar as men were enamored by the blonde that spoke Japanese. Flushing from the fact that someone like her was on the ride with them.

The blonde didn't think anything of it, sharing the ride with most often men, who have seen her in the single riding cart. After the ride, most of the men tried talking or asking if she'd like to join them. But Amara just bowed and thanked them for their time. Each of the men watched as she walked over to a long-haired man leaning on some fence grabbing his hand.

He loved the confusion that fell on their face. All of them disappointed that she had been taken, by an older man nonetheless. Jealousy and embarrassment joined soon after the realization.

When night finally fell on the park, the two gathered around with everyone else to watch the fireworks. The loud colorful bangs joined with music surrounding the park. His hands around her body as she leaned back into his chest, looking up at the colorful sky.

In the middle of the show, she turned to face him. Her head looking up at the taller man, "Thank you for today Han, I love you more than you know," she said leaning forward to hug him.

He hugged her back and kissed the top of her head, "And I love you, there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you," he replied meaning every word. Smiling knowing the day he would marry this woman and he'd make the best decision.

The ride back home was quiet, a comfortable silence sat between the two. The lights from the outside made her at peace. Something about the neon lights brought her peace. Turning her head towards him she spoke up, "Can I sleepover at yours?"

Han glanced at her briefly and nodded, "Sure thing princess," he replied and made his way towards his apartment with Amara falling asleep on the driver's seat. Her head faced him as she had done so.

Parking the car he opened his door and made it around to Amara's, "C'mon Am," he said softly placing her arms around his shoulders, reaching for her thighs, subconsciously she wrapped them around his hips, as her head nestled into his neck. The small girl was light as he carried her.

Shutting the door, he locked it. Making his way up a few stairs to his door. Opening the door, he made his way through, closing it behind him. Walking down the hallway, he made it to his room the window open letting in the light from the neon signs. Laying Amara down, he untied her creased black Nike high-tops.

He leaned toward her, "Do you want the overalls on?" he asked her softly, his finger lingering on the zipper. 

The blonde mumbled shaking her head. Her consciousness between being asleep and awake. Reaching he untied the sleeves from her hips, then unbuttoned them, lowering the zipper he hooked his fingers on the hem and pulled them down her thighs. Her legs kicking to get them off.

Han chuckled at the sight of her white cotton underwear with a watermelon slice on her hip. Going into his closet she pulled out a shirt of his laying it beside her. As he reaches for the hem of her cropped shirt, "C'mon doll," he mumbled as she arched her back and lifted her hands as he slid it off her. Shaking his head as her breast were bare to him, nipples hardening from the cool air. Slipping her arms through the arm loops, he pushed it through her head. Struggling to bring it down all the way to her body.

"There you go pretty girl," he finished letting her finally get comfortable under the sheets.

Han made his way to brush his teeth and removed his clothes to throw on a pair of sweats. Then joining the blonde in bed. He felt her shift in the bed, turning to shove her face into his side as her leg wrapped around him. For a while, he just looked at her. The red neon signs casting a soft glow on her smooth skin.

"One day I'll marry you, Amara, making me the happiest man," he whispered into the air.

—well thank you for reading once again. I will see you in All too Well, there rest of the fast saga.

[wigglebox]

Okay Chuck won theory

That means Amara and Jack are still in him right???

Here's what pisses me off about Amara' story

She was happy, she liked her life, she was doing fuck all and LOVING IT

Why in the FUCK did she give up all that in the end??? Why is she "gone" inside Jack?

If that's Chuck inside Jack then Amara knows and she's gonna fight her way out THIS IS MY TRUTH

yes! also sorry for the late response i always ALWAYS forget to circle back on my messages but yes!

and i agree that it seemed to be a little TOO easy to get Amara [in the perspective of Chuck] and Jack would, I hope, still be there. If not, then Jack is most likely in The Empty.

Regardless, the thing walking and talking looking like Jack is not Jack. To me there's just too much evidence pointing to that, and with 15x20 it was kinda easy to also go "well, maybe COVID some how—" but naw fam they put him in The Winchesters and it was WEIRD but like in a good way. And one of those weird things is that if that was Jack, would he not try and find a way to get Amara back out?

And yes it is my UTMOST DESIRE that she would fight her way back out! Idk how, I know it was like, Chuck absorbed her? Eew, but you get what I'm saying — however it is my UTMOST DESIRE for her to like, somehow fight back and fight her way out.

It's all I want lol.

[sortasirius]

“Despair” and Dean and Cas

Well well well, winning is my favorite thing.

As usual, this is going to be as long as hell. And fair warning, it’s extremely emotional.

So here it is, the thing that we have been barrelling towards for years, literally years.

Just want to point out this.  Also, I will NEVER allow someone to speak negatively about this writing group, EVER.

Team Free Dads starting off the episode is so sweet, so scary.  Cas’ calming, Dean’s fear, Sam’s desperation, really just hammering home how much they love Jack, how his pain is pain for them, how losing him is unbearable.

“I can’t stop this.  I’m coming apart.  I don’t want to hurt you.  Don’t let me hurt you.”

Oof.  If you’ve ever question whether Jack is a Winchester, this line should shut that shit down for you.

When I tell you I was PISSED when Billie sent Jack to the Empty to EXPLODE?????  PAIN.

“Yeah the Empty can’t come to earth, not without being summoned.”

Hello Bobo, clue number 1.

The fact that they only had Jack in limbo for like five seconds was great for my heart health, thank u very much Bobo.

Also Dean wielding Death’s scythe?????? KING?????

Man, Sam and Dean’s growth.  The way that they’re able to, idk, actually speak on how they feel without death looming or fear or pain.  It’s just a conversation, just an honest conversation of Dean admitting his mistakes, admitting how he felt.  Admitting that he fucked up, and Sam forgiving him for it.

CHARLIE AND HER GF CHARLIE AND HER GF CHARLIE AND HER GF

Also...hunters and their “dates.”  Two hunters who are happily together, who are happily fighting monsters.  Hm.  Sounds like a Saileen/Destiel parallel to me boys.

You ever wish Cas would look and the mirror and take the great advice he gives others?  Because I do.  He’s always tried to be “useful” for Sam and Dean, for Jack, always tried to make sure that he’s useful enough that they keep him around.  But what he doesn’t understand, what he’s never understood, is that they need him because of who he is, not because of what he contributes.

Remind y’all of anything?

And here we have Clue Number 2

And then, Sam’s realization.  Eileen.

Did I begin full tilt screaming no in my apartment when he said her name?  Who’s to say?

How can a lock screen cause me this much pain????

Okay but: Charlie loses Stevie, Sam loses Eileen.  Clue Number 3.

I feel like I don’t talk enough about how much Sam loves Eileen.  About how obvious it is that they are endgame, about how happy he is when he talks about her.  This just feels like a blow to the stomach, but we’ve barely even started.

Sam immediately shifting into protective leader mode?  He is the love of my life.

Dean’s simple nod, like it’s a given?  Enough to do me in right there.

This is another episode where it’s just so clear that Sam is the leader of the North American hunters.  Everyone knows him, everyone is willing to follow him.  He’s knowledgeable and kind and fair and just and an incredibly capable fighter.  Once again, I don’t believe his work on earth is done.

Can we also please talk about how FRIGHTENING IT WAS for Jack to kill that plant???  I don’t really have much of a comment on it because I was literally just like ?????

With Billie saying that it’s Chuck, the way that people were dusted, very similar to Becky and Amara, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised, especially with Donna getting taken off the board.  It’s like I said last week, I don’t buy that he’s taken himself off the board, he’s too invested in the unraveling of this story to take a step back.  He’s gotta break them before he can defeat them, that’s the only way.

And here we go, into one of the most painful and surreal things I will ever write about.

Dean’s speech.  His guilt, his regret.  The shame of not only trapping himself, but the pain, the horror of trapping Cas.

“I just lead us into another trap.  All because I, I couldn’t hurt Chuck.  Because I was angry and because I just needed something to kill, and because that’s all I know how to do.”

“Dean-”

“It was Chuck all along.  We never should have left Sam and Jack, we should be there with them now.  Everybody’s gonna die, Cas.  Everybody.  I can’t stop it.”

His narrative arc.  Tied up in a bow.

“She’s gonna get through that door.”

“I know.”

“And she’s gonna kill you and then she’s gonna kill me.  I’m sorry.”

Cas smiles.

Cas knows.  He knows what’ll get them out of this, and he knows that he would do anything in this Universe for Dean Winchester. The human man he fell for.

“When Jack was dying, I made a deal to save him.”

“You what?”

“The price was my life.  When I experienced a moment of true happiness, the Empty would be summoned and it would take me forever.”

“Why are you telling me this now?”

“I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I’ve wondered what it could be, what my true happiness could even look like.  I never found an answer, because the one thing I want, it’s something I know I can’t have. 

“But I think I know, I think I know now...happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in just being.  It’s in just saying it.”

“What are you talking about, man?”

The most selfless thing Cas does in this, and he does a lot of selfless things, is to tell Dean Winchester how impossibly good he is.  To tell him that he is worthy, to tell him that he is adored.

“I know, I know how you see yourself, Dean.  You see yourself the same way our enemies see you.  You’re destructive and you’re angry and you’re broken and you’re daddy’s blunt instrument.  And you think that hate and anger, that’s what drives you, that’s who you are.  It’s not.  And everyone who knows you sees it, and everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love.  You raise your little brother for love, you fought for this whole world for love.  That is who you are.

“You’re the most caring man on earth.  You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know.  You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you outta Hell...knowing you has changed me.

“Because you cared, I cared.  I cared about you, I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack, I cared about the whole world because of you. 

“You changed me, Dean.”

“Why does this sound like a goodbye?”

Dean���s greatest fear. His fear of those loving him leaving him. The terror of being alone.

“Because it is.

The head shake.  Don’t love me.  Don’t love me if it means you’ll leave me, don’t love me, everyone I love leaves me.  Don’t leave me.  Don’t love me.  Don’t leave me.

“Don’t do this, Cas.”

Just like I always thought.  One last look at Dean before the Empty takes him.

“Cas-”

“Goodbye Dean.”

And Dean is left, broken on the floor, unable to answer Sam’s calls, unable to do anything.  It doesn’t matter to him that Chuck has wiped everyone out, it doesn’t matter to him that Sam and Jack might need him.  It doesn’t matter.  It doesn’t matter, because the thing that mattered still hangs on his lips, still waiting to be said, and now he won’t get another chance to say it.

The fact that I am writing this, even with all my spec, with all my analysis of the writers’ room, of their text, of the way Dabb and co had approached this story, nothing could have ever prepared me for this.  Nothing could have prepared me for a three and a half minute, uninterrupted scene where Cas confesses not only that he loves Dean, but that he has always loved him.

I talk a lot about how these writers don’t get the credit they deserve.  Unfortunately, from most of this fandom, they never will.  We will likely never know the fights with the network they had, the steps backward they had to take, the way they had to beg and fight and claw to get this on the screen.  But they did it.  They did it for these characters, they did it for this dinosaur of a show, and yeah, they did it for us.

It was not easy, I can promise you, to get this greenlit.  They had to fight for this, they likely had to call in favors and make threats and quite literally put their careers on the line (you may scoff at that, but WB is a BIG company, especially in the TV/movie world) for this story.  This story of Dean and Cas, the man dragged out of Hell and the angel who fell for him.

I have tons more to say, and will likely have several more posts about this, but I want to leave all my babes who are worried that that was the end for Dean and Cas with some takeaways.

Sam is missing Eileen.  Dean is missing Cas.  That is no longer a fun subtextual parallel, that is it for them.  Their respective endgames are missing, and they will not know their peace until they get them back.  Chuck will not win.  That’s not the story being told, and right now?  He’s winning.  He’s broken them, left them with nothing, left them with an empty world and a hole in each of their hearts where their person (or angel) used to be.

Our show is going to end with “contentment.”  “Contentment” isn’t from Sam and Dean being filled with grief and hitting the open road.  It isn’t Sam getting Eileen back and leaving Dean with no one.  “Contentment” is Sam and Eileen, Dean and Cas.  Together.

[archillean]

WHOS UR FAV BORDERLANDS CHARACTERS……

also here’s this to make you smile (also borderlands related)

https://youtu.be/LMXI64gWmMk

i'm trying extremely hard not to choke on laughter, that video is Gold sdfgh-

AS FOR FAVORITE CHARACTERS... oUoughgh, there's barely any character in this series that Isn't a blorbo, so I segmented these into different categories (and predictably went on some some tangents in a few columns, so enjoy and/or suffer through my infodump thoughts <3) which resulted in this being Hella long, so have a readmore-

• Favorites in general (for so many reasons) are Timothy, Maya, the entire Tales cast (pre-BL3. We especially don't talk about BL3 Vaughn; they did my man SO dirty), Lilith (oOOOOO I could go the fuck off about her character for Hours on how she was (inadvertently or nor) being so perfectly set up as the series' next Big Antagonist, which I Might Just Do in another post)), Hammerlock, Scooter, Ellie, Moxxi, and gA H, I'm just gonna end up listing the entire cast. And Mister Torgue.

• Favorites from a pure design standpoint, Fl4k, Amara, Lilith's BL3 design, and BL2/Tales Zer0. (BL3 Zer0 just feels.... idk, a little too "rounded-off sleek" to me. BL2's more grungy look is more my style lul) Also Mordecai & Brick, specifically because of how well their designs contrast and compliment each other, but also. Mordy cool. Bloodwing & Talon are such sickass creature designs. And Brick buff. Have man tiddy, and I am gay. Also Lorelei my beloved.... i love them so much from a design standpoint, and I'm Frustrated that their character is so one-two-note in the actual story. I also wanted to like The Twins' designs for a Long Ass Time, but they're so... try-hard, even with all context removed. Troy is the cooler of the two bc Beeg Focking Robot Arm, and I'm always a sucker for Beeg Focking Robot Arm(s), but idk. It wasn't even like... used in any way, iirc? I'd have to go back and look to see if it actually IS used for anything, or if it's Just for aesthetics. Like, Gaige's prosthetic arm for example; serves an in-universe purpose (storing DeathTrap's digistruct information & general prosthetic that Just So Happens to be able to smash through concrete) and has a backstory (in-universe ECHONet logs explain how she got it), but it's also a visual cue for what her gameplay & character role is - that being the techy mechanic. Troy just Has A Robot Arm. Why? I'unno. I have read it's to sort of infer that he & Tyreen were born conjoined at that shoulder (which Is a cool concept, all things considered), but like.... if that's the case, why doesn't SHE have any signs of that as well? Why isn't it USED in any way?? Like, goes without saying that some designs elements are just "because it looks Badass As Fuck." I like shit like that! But at the same time, I like when design elements have an in-universe purpose. We can have both, just LOOK at Fl4k. I could say the exact same thing for Rhys' arm, but then again, he Actually Uses It, alongside his ECH0Eye. It serves more than one gameplay function, and Looks Sick. I don't think we ever get an explanation on where it comes from/how he got it & the eye, but not all the boxes (gameplay use, in-universe use (be it for mobility, combat function, or a mix of both), Looks Sick As Hell, and origin)) need to be ticked. Hammerlock ticks two or three (in-universe use & origin, as well as Looks Cool depending on your taste in prosthetics), after all!

• Favorite playable VHs, Gaige my beloved for nostalgia, Zane for gameplay. Companion and movement speed go brrrrr- I also liked Amara's gameplay (and still kinda do?) for a while, but Wonderlands' melee system just puts her to shame sgdjdah- Also a fan of Moze, simply because Mechs Are Cool and her mechanics are Neat, next question.

• Favorite antagonists, Jack obvs, but also Nisha. Both from a design & personality standpoint, but specifically her BL2 look. She's just... a really fun character imo, and I ADORE her dynamic with Jack. Well, more like the implied dynamic between them, bc we never get to Actually See Them Together, but I'll NEVER be over Jack's reaction to her death. It's about the implications. Also a Butcher Rose enjoyer (Bounty of Blood). Idk, she just scratches some kind of itch for me. (That entire DLC was so good & is Absolutely one of my favorites. Highly recommend if you want wicked cool art direction and a fun western story!) Maybe it's because she wasn't trying to "be better" than past antags, but whooo reaallyyy knoowwsss 8/ can you tell i am Still bitter about the twins- Honestly, btoh her and Pretty Boy were really fun villains in their respective DLCs. Eleanor (Guns, Love, & Tentacles) was pretty good, she just isn't a favorite- Also Also Piston (Campaign of Carnage), mostly bc he's just a fun villain, and because his "How many Pecs you got? Two?? I HAVE THIRTEEN" quote never fails to make me laugh- ALSO ALSO ALSO CAPTAIN SCARLET....... ma'am, i am...... looking......

• Favorite characters due to their story... Tina, hands down. Specifically pre-BL3, and Especially in Wonderlands. No spoilers, but the expansion on her and Roland's relationship is so good. (If you know, you know.) Also Krieg, Janey, and Athena !! Athena more due to personality stuff, because I kind of find her original/first intro cringy as hell (It's Such a Bad Character Backstory Introduction asDFSDFGH) but oddly... endearing?? Like, BECAUSE it's so blunt and awkward. Literally just "Hi, I'm an assassin because this conglomerate military corp tricked me into killing my sister. Name's Athena, by the way." jUST aSDFG- ALSO Burton Briggs !! His questline is really good, and his amnesia curse was written pretty well from what I remember. Wasn't strictly "Hur Dur, I forget" jokes-

• Honorable mentions include Juno (Bounty of Blood), Roland, Maya, Felicity, Gortys, Loaderbot, and Marcus !! I say "honorable mention" because I can't really put into words why I love 'em. I just rotate them in my mind.

[finalgirlbrainrot]

I wanted to write a fancy meta with quotes and screencaps and stuff about the difference between sam's reactions to dean keeping secrets from him and dean's reactions to sam keeping secrets from him (because I've seen a lot of dean stans calling sam a hypocrite for being mad at dean for not telling him about jack dying in 15x16) but I'm too lazy, so I'm just gonna go into incoherent ranting, but anyway, thing is

whenever sam is mad at dean for keeping secrets from him, it's always about stuff that either affects sam directly (like john's last words or the gadreel possession) or stuff that directly affects people sam cares about (dean killing amy or jack dying)

but dean gets mad at sam for keeping secrets about himself, secrets that in no way affect dean, which is his god given right (like him using his psychic abilities or drinking demon blood or his friendship with ruby)

also something else I want to point out is their reactions when the other one is being honest and tries to open up

whenever dean is being honest and opens up to sam about anything, sam is unconditionally supportive (like when he told him about what the amara bond or about what he did in hell)

but whenever sam is honest with dean, dean is rarely, if ever, supportive. when sam told him he let amy go, he went being sam's back and killed her. when sam told him about his hallucinations, dean was upset that sam hadn't told him earlier and acted as if sam's mental illness was a personal affront to him and used said mental illness to justify amy's murder. when sam told him about his visions and about getting infected with the darkness sickness, dean used him getting infected to dismiss his visions and mocked his faith

when dean confessed to being suicidal in 8x14, sam responded by praising him and telling him that he's not a grunt. when sam confessed to being suicidal in 8x23, dean responded by making it all about himself and about what HE DID FOR SAM

honestly, if I was in sam's place, I would've stopped telling dean anything somewhere around s4

there's this thread in particular where op was complaining about how everyone is allowed to keep secrets, except dean (looool like what show have you even been watching mate) and they used these examples: sam in s4, cas' deal with the empty, jack's death

okay

*looks into the camera like I'm in the office*

*inhales*

OKAY KIDS REPEAT AFTER ME!!!!!!!!!!!

SAM KEEPING HIS FRIENDSHIP WITH RUBY, HIS POWERS AND THE DEMON BLOOD (THINGS THAT ONLY AFFECTED SAM AND RUBY AND THE DEMONS HE WAS EXORCISING AND IN NO WAY AFFECTED DEAN) A SECRET IS HIS GOD GIVEN RIGHT

CAS KEEPING HIS DEAL WITH THE EMPTY (SOMETHING THAT ONLY AFFECTED CAS AND IN NO WAY AFFECTED DEAN) A SECRET IS HIS GOD GIVEN RIGHT

JACK KEEPING HIS DEATH A SECRET - okay, this is a bit more complicated, because jack is still a child and he SHOULDN'T keep something like that a secret, BUT IT'S STILL NOT THE SAME AS DEAN KEEPING SECRETS ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE

DEAN KEEPING SOMETHING ABOUT SAM'S SON (AND NO, THE FACT THAT DEAN DOESN'T CONSIDER HIM FAMILY DOESN'T CHANGE THAT) A SECRET FROM SAM (AND NOT JUST SOMETHING MEANINGLESS, BUT THE FACT THAT HE WAS LITERALLY SENDING HIM TO HIS DEATH, SOMETHING THAT DIRECTLY PUTS HIM IN HARM'S WAY) AND USING THE EVERGREEN "BUT YOU COULDN'T HANDLE IT, I WAS PROTECTING YOUUUUUUU" (WHICH IS COMPLETE BULLSHIT) AS AN EXCUSE IS FUCKED UP AND CRUEL AND IN NO WAY COMPARABLE TO THE EXAMPLES ABOVE

HOW IS THAT SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND?

*drops mic*

also this is kinda off topic but during the whole "jack has to die in order to kill god" thing, I've noticed this really interesting parallel:

in 5x13, anna wants to kill sam because she thinks it's the only way to stop lucifer, since nothing else seems to be working. now I say this as someone who loves sam to death and will defend him to my last breath, but anna's logic makes sense. even if it's awful, killing one person to save the world is... reasonable. and we all know that sam is more that willing to sacrifice himself for the greater good and he even proves it once again in that same episode: he asks cas if anna has a point, cas says no, but he looks at dean before answering, so I don't think he was being truthful. anyway my point is, objectively, anna's logic here isn't wrong. and yet she's demonized by the fandom because of this and I've seen a lot of people even saying that she became a villain in this episode

now fast forward 10 years later. s15 has dean more than willing to send jack (a literal 3 year old child, who's so desperate for dean's approval he's willing to kill himself to get it) to his death so he could kill chuck. not for some greater good, not because chuck was literally destroying worlds, but because dean wants to be free from chuck's influence. and even after sam tells him that if the plan succeeds, pretty much everyone they know will die, he's still okay with it as long as chuck is gone. and yet the fandom will literally bend backwards to defend him

idk just some food for thought

[laufire]

Mary/Castiel xDD

You know I love my lesbian!Mary headcanon. I'm attached to it, I want to explore it how it deserves, I have my little ships with it (Amara/Mary, Anna/Mary, and Billie/Mary), and it's present in every story I write her in even if I don't explicitly say it*.

But I would set aside this headcanon, momentarily, for the absolute joy that ship arrangement would be to me xDD

First of all, I thought there were some nice moments in their canon dynamic, but the show did something I always resent seeing: some (usually male) writers have a slightly older female character alone among a group of men and promptly decide she's Mother to All, no matter how little sense it makes -like, for example, when "all" includes a millenary celestial entity idk. My reaction in these cases tends to be, "oh yeah? well, this mother has NEEDS so I'm going to read the dynamic that suits me best as romantic, fuck you very much" XDD (see my reaction to Diana-Victor when I saw Justice League in theatres). And Castiel/Mary (Marstiel? Marystiel? lol) is definitely the best option here xD

But also, you know how HILARIOUS it would be to play this dynamic off against the Winchesters' patented daddy issues?? Honestly, I think the show missed an opportunity when it didn't play off Dadstiel (aka Castiel and Jack's bond) against their daddy issues. I think Sam should have shed some tears watching how Castiel is with Jack; I think Dean should've been made to feel awkward and ashamed over it. But this set-up is even MORE hilarious, with Castiel dating their mommy?? Castiel being their step-dad?? Mary getting a new step-son?? I live for this shit lmao. And imagining the version of this world in which John briefly appears and have put Dean & Sam in a position to have to choose Step-Dad Castiel and Step-Brother/Surrogate Son Figure Jack over Dad John is añsldfkjasdf. "I have a family, dad." Yeah, you do, Dean. You do xD

(*remember that I told you in the Belastiel AU I have Bela going with them in 5x13 and meeting young!Mary and John? It's from Bela's POV so we obviously don't see it, but in my head, poor Mary was feeling some dormant, suppressed attraction for Bela the whole time. Why wouldn't she xDD)

Send me a ship and I’ll give you my (brutally) honest opinion on it

[wendibird]

SPN 15X17 Observations

Well, watching this week went pretty smoothly (and I was actually able to get my little bluetooth keyboard thing to talk to my tablet so I was able to watch on my big TV screen and type up notes fairly easily. :) 

And just to clarify, sometimes my notes as I took them were VERY brief, and in some cases I’ve gone back and added in a few details or explanations to make clear what I meant by what at the time. 

I’ve also come to the conclusion that I don’t always remember to take notes, especially if Important Things are happening. (Do people even like the notes section? Or would you just prefer reading my odd takes on everything after the fact?) 

Anyway, here’s what I have for 15X17 “Unity”. Well, I do have more thoughts drifting around, but I’m always concerned that I’m going on too long as it is. *LOL*  (Under the cut for length and spoiler aversion)

Okay, going in I’ve heard rumors that this is a “Sam Heavy” episode, so we’ll see. *fingers crossed* 

- wow, is Chuck starting in on this world already?

- Silent treatment.

- I wonder if she’s guessed.

- fuck you Dean!

(but I’m not surprised. it just confirms what I’d already suspected about how Dean really feels about Jack.)

Commercial Thoughts:

Yeah, so, I’m firmly in Sam and Cas’ camp here. Jack may not be family to Dean, but he is to them. He’s their Son. 

I also think that though he hasn’t talked about it, Sam regrets his part in the Drama Coffin plan involving Jack last season. Think it’s one of those cases where he realized too late he was on the wrong side, and he doesn’t want to be there again.

As for Dean… I get that he wants to see the people he cares most about make it out of this. (Sam and Cas.) And I get he’s doing the tunnel vision thing. I think he knows that Sam’s right but he won’t let himself admit it.

- Wow….. The fanangels are kinda creepy.

- They’ve lost all their nuance with Chuck. Or my theory is right and Chuck has actually shifted darkside.

- Oh wow…. Amara is really going to bat here.

Commercial Thoughts:

Still not sure how much she’s (Amara) really guessed. She’s acting as though the whole “trapping him” idea is still a go, but what she’d said to Dean, as pointedly as she did, it seemed like maybe she suspected what was really going on and was still trying to give him the option to go a different way.

And even if this is Chuck having shifted dark, it could still be written with more nuance than this crappy villain schtick.

I mean, even in S11 when he’s all but given up on humanity and existence and was going to let Amara win, it was written with there being a depth to him about it.

- Don’t know if Dean’s trying to convince himself that he doesn’t care as deeply to make this easier or what.

- HOw is ADAM still alive?! And she’s an angel?

- Interesting behavior for an angel. *LOL*

- “Then he moved on to our sons.” Hints of Cain and Abel?

- Okay, so the angel kept him alive. (Sure, I can buy that.) 

- Pretty Crystals!

- He’s (Dean) heard those lines before. And Dean’s feeling uneasy about it.

- Amethyst! (Sorry, always had a thing for Amethyst and it’s my birthstone)

- (oh, okay, all of them)

- Ewww….. Open heart surgery

- Rib!

- Dean doesn’t like being rail-roaded.

- Talk time.

- I don’t like this…… (Jack using the rib and starting the suicide-bomb process.) 

Commercial Thoughts:

Okay, so, what Dean said, I’m glad he said it. And I have been getting hints of that feeling from him the whole season, about feeling disconnected because of what they found out about Chuck and their lives. I just… I still think he’s willfully blinding himself to what’s really going on. That even this version of “Free Will” is a script that he’s following. (Well, I think he’s starting to have misgivings about that.)

- Uh-oh! Ideas! 

- I love two researching nerds!

- Were we supposed to understand the Latin? *LOL* I caught “Mortem” in there a few times.

- Yey door!

- “your internal compass is functioning perfectly”

- I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!!

- Who dat?

- Dead someone or other

- W section.

- Reapers maybe?

- Who’s thinning the ranks?

- Empty!Meg!

- Sam is good! (At bluffing the hell out of an ancient cosmic being.) 

- IT’S A LITTLE LATE TO STOP IT!!!!

Commercial Thoughts:

*FREAKING OUT!!!*

Jack already started it! OG!Adam said that once started the reaction couldn’t be stopped.

Okay, deeper thoughts. Everyone’s playing chess. Still. The game is just bigger.

OG!Adam wants God dead because of stuff that happened. And Billy is following his plan? (Did I get that right?) The plan will make Billy the next God. (Not surprised there honestly.) Her world will be a lot more “orderly” no doubt.

The Empty just wants to sleep. (Honestly, can relate.) 

But everyone’s just using them all as gamepieces again. Dean’s getting that feel from things OG!Adam and Whatserfaceangel said. Sam knows now too. They’re still stuck in someone else’s story. They’re still not gaining true “Free Will”. I’m hoping that the route they take will actually get them off this train track.

- DUDE - WHAT (was in reference to Dean pulling a gun on Sam)

- Go Sam! He’s not letting this one go. (Referring to my feelings on Sam feeling bad about Jack and the Drama Coffin thing from way before, and him NOT settling for Dean’s plan this time, him sticking to his guns and saying what he feels and taking action.) 

- Chuck played her (Amara) too.

- Not again! (Oh Jack, will this forever be your fate?)

- FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!

Holy shit! That episode!

Okay, it actually did a good job of wrapping up a lot of ideas. Like, big-picture ideas that have been themes throughout the run of the show. 

Also, apparently this was the only world where Cas and the Winchesters broke the mold? Didn’t play by their roles?

Also, minor point but it made me happy: Chuck pointed out how it’s Sam who needed to find things out. Sam who kept digging. I made mention of it last episode how Billy kept going to Dean, because he was easier for her to manipulate. But Sam asks more questions. I think part of it is what Cas said about his internal compass. I think another part is his experiences. He’s been the brunt of the cosmic plot-lines a LOT of the time. So he does keep asking questions because of all the times he hadn’t and things went badly. (Like end of S4 with killing Lilith.) 

And let me be clear, it’s not that I think Dean is dumb. He isn’t. And he and Sam both make decisions a lot based on their feelings. (Sometimes it’s all you have to go on.) But he’s shown a tendency in the past several years especially to be more likely to make them based on anger. And he doesn’t get called on it often. And I don’t know if this is TOO meta (is that even a thing with this show anymore? *LMAO*) but I feel like part of that is written into the script. Of their world. Even when Dean’s wrong he’s often proven “right” by the narrative. He very rarely is made to face up to his mistakes. (Not saying he never is. But it definitely doesn’t seem to happen as often.) And I’m wondering, is that because up till now, he was Chuck’s favorite? We saw that Chuck can manipulate a LOT of things. And events, and even some people. 

How often have we noticed and commented on how the Narrative backs Dean up so much of the time, even when he might be in the wrong? Or even just questionable? Or morally grey? How much of that is possibly now supposed to be due to Chuck’s meddling? Because I’ve also seen it mentioned (and have also noticed) that although Sam winds up the “wrong one” a lot via the narrative, he’s actually HAD to learn and grow because of that. But because Dean is rarely shown as wrong, he hasn’t had to, and his character has stagnated a lot in the last several seasons. Of course, in reality, that’s due to the writing/show-running/powers-that-be making those decisions, but in-show could it possibly be something to do with Chuck? Maybe at first because he liked Dean more? But as time grew on, and he kept trying to set up his Cain and Abel plot with them, maybe it was to reinforce Dean’s self-image that he’s Right? 

And also by contrast, we had the end of last season where so many of Sam’s decisions which had been made with best intentions and best information/resources at the time wound up blowing-up in his face. As if to say "Ha-HAH! That's what you get for thinking you could lead people! That's what you get for thinking you could save Jack! That's what you get for thinking someone like Nick could be redeemed! That's what you get for talking your brother out of the Drama-Coffin plan!" It felt like it was specifically intended to make him severely doubt his own judgement. And it worked. After all that shit went down, one thing after another, culminating with their mother's death, he didn't trust himself. He didn't believe in himself. So he put all his trust in Dean. And Dean was full of RAGE. (I don't blame him. His Mom has been a keystone of his life, even when she wasn't there.) But Sam didn't give the objections he normally would have to Dean's plan to box-up Jack. Even though it was CLEAR how much he didn't like it. How wrong it felt to him.

Basically, what I’m trying to say is, I think Chuck has been nudging and manipulating a LOT of things in order to get the Winchesters to behave how he wants them to. 

IDK. My head is hurting from some of these meta thoughts. *LOL*

SO! Back to what happened in the actual episode.

I thought the format was interesting, focusing in on the different POV characters for their spans of the story until it all came together. (Wondering if this is going to continue into the next episode…) 

I liked that we got a lot of reveals about what is (possibly) really going on, in regards to the grand schemas. Because there are several at play here. But now we're at least getting glimpses of them. 

Even though we didn't see Billy, I thought the reveal about her plans were interesting, but definitely fit with her character as established so far. I know a lot of people are saying she's gotten drunk with her power or she's "turning evil" but I don't think that's the case. It's true that she hasn't told them everything about her plans, but that's because she's also using them as pieces in her game. But her goal is the same as it's always been since we first met her. She has ALWAYS been about the Natural Order. She never liked how the Winchesters (or anyone else) flaunted death again and again. So once she's in charge? Everyone and everything goes where they belong. The demons stay in hell, the angels stay in heaven, souls go where they're meant to, people from other universes go back (even if there's no universe to go back TO. Tough shit, they'd be dead anyway according to her) and those who have already died and been resurrected? They go back to wherever they should be. (At least, I THINK that was the implication made, with Sam asking Dean if he'd be willing to trade HIM to take-out Chuck. Sam was definitely realizing a LOT when Empty!Meg told him what Billy's plan was.) 

This isn't her turning Evil like has been done with Chuck. It's more, her becoming a more extreme version of what she already was. When she got her promotion, she found out a LOT more things. Including this option of events for taking Chuck out and putting things back to how they belong. And it even started with Dean's aborted Drama Coffin plan. Which eventually fails, because Sam, but it then leads to Jack sacrificing his soul to take out AU Michael, which eventually leads to Mary's Death and Chuck's opportunity to manipulate things more and so on and so forth until we wind up here. 

(Also, just wanna say, absolutely LOVED Rachel as the Empty again!) 

And also, having just watched that scene again, can I just say again how awesome Sam is? He straight-up told the Empty that even if he WAS lying, their best bet is to let him go with the book. And it couldn't really argue with that because he was right! (Well, if it had killed him then and there, Dean probably wouldn't have known right away and probably would have been able to carry out the plan. So there is that. Buuuuut none of them knew that either at the time.) 

And in general, I love how Sam just would NOT give up. This is the Sam Winchester I've come to love. He could feel in his bones that this plan was wrong so he was doing everything he could to not only stop it, but to find some other way to get what they truly wanted. 

I also loved his and Cas' interactions. They were supportive of each other and both were trying to find a way to save their son. (Dean has officially forfeited his Dad-Card in my book. Hell, in his book too.) Also, I remember hearing someone from production, or who was maybe on set or something mentioning something about the Holy Grail in this episode? Well, in that scene where Sam and Cas are looking through those old crates and trunks and boxes, when Cas finds the key Sam is holding this really old looking chalice. Wonder if that's supposed to be what that is. *LOL* I mean, the Spear of Destiny (or at least, the head of the spear) was there in the Bunker, so why not I guess? *LOL*

We didn't get a lot of Sam and Jack interaction, but I liked what little we had. Sam made it clear to Jack that he wants to save him. (I'm really hoping we get SOMETHING more of them in the next episode or two but... yeah. Not a lot of time left.) 

I could go on for some length about my feelings on Dean and how he's been this season. But I don't want this to turn into a fully anti-Dean rant. I will say though that I'd definitely gotten the impression before this that Dean has different categories of people he cares about, and in his mind, he also has them ranked according to how expendable they are. And I'm not just talking about Jack here, though he is a major part of it. But at the end of the episode when he and Sam are having it out, Dean says he's basically willing to sacrifice EVERYONE to get what he wants. 

(I don't think he's actually willing to sacrifice Sam for it though. And yes, I know, he was waving a gun in Sam's face. But I don't believe for a moment he had any intention of killing his brother. Not when Sam asking point blanc if Dean is willing to trade him for killing Chuck, and that seems to be what causes Dean to start listening to what Sam's saying. Also, in the past, Dean hasn't been above threatening people to get what he wants. Like with Kaia. Also in S8's "Trail and Error" when he and Sam were talking about taking out the hellhound, Dean pretty much said if Sam even tries to get close to it, Dean would shoot him in the leg. Now, we never got to see if he actually would have or not, but regardless, it was a case of Dean being willing to hurt Sam a little in order to protect him from something he saw as a bigger threat. In that case it had been taking on the trials. In this case, it would have been to win their shot at freedom. At least in Dean's mind. Not saying I approve! Just, I think that's where his mindset was.) 

And this is a far cry from the Dean who, just a few years ago was willing to be a kamikaze bomb in order to save the world. And yes, Dean has mentioned "Saving the world" this season too. And I'm sure he means that too. But when he was at his most emotional, what he was talking about wasn't saving the world and everyone in it. It was freeing him and Sam from being Chuck's entertainment. And he's willing to sacrifice nearly anyone to accomplish that. At least, he was up til now. I hope that they're going to give him a change of heart before the end because I really REALLY would like the show to end with me not despising Dean and what he's become. Yes, I'm a Sam-girl, but I do care about Dean too. 

Also, I feel bad for Amara and what wound up happening with her. Like many other characters, she fell victim to Chuck's manipulations, and now I'm guessing he's even stronger than before. But also, Chuck wasn't the only one manipulating her. And maybe if they, (Dean especially, since she had a soft-spot for him) had actually been trying to find another way earlier, she wouldn't have fallen to despair when finding out the truth. 

Aaaaaanyway, I think I've rambled enough about this episode as it is. Thank you to whoever actually bothers to read all of this. *LOL*

[gryphonablaze]

so i wrote a lil thing. takes place post-fuster cluck

i like ava and her potential for development and growth as a character. i know a lot of people hate her, and even though i don’t know why i do, i like her. i know she’s not well written. i already know so please don’t come at me with that. idk why but i don’t really care how she’s badly written. i like her okay. alright i just wanted to get that out of the way

‘Wait.’ 

‘What is it?’, Zane asked, rubbing his head. 

‘Maya was there? In-in his mind?’ Ava pressed. 

The vault hunters paused. 

‘Ava,’ Tannis spoke, ‘She’s not… really there. She’s about as real as the margarita in my hand.’

‘But… you don’t have a margarita...’

‘Exactly. I want to have a margarita, and I can visualize the margarita, think of what it looks and tastes like, but it’s not really there. The Maya in Kreig’s mind is just as material as she would be if you pretended she was standing next to you.’ 

‘Actually, she, uh…’ Amara started, ‘Well, the… the things that were happening in that… in there, were pretty independent of his intentions.’

‘He’s not exactly in control of the place,’ Moze finished. ‘Everything in there kind of has a ‘mind’ of its own.’

‘Ironically.’ FL4K added. 

‘Hold on. Let me grab an echo.’ A recorder flew across the room and stopped to hover beside Tannis. She clicked it on. Without touching it, of course. ‘Are you saying that, memory though she may be, Maya is functioning as an entire consciousness within Kreig’s mind?’ 

‘It seemed like--’ 

‘I don’t care!’ Ava cut Amara off. ‘I don’t care if she’s ‘really real’ or not! Let me see her!’ 

Tannis sighed. ‘Fine. Ahem--Kreig? Do you mind hosting another guest for a little while? ………Good. Because I don’t know if I’d be able to keep her from trying to worm her way through my technology, misusing it, condemning you to permanent and debilitating brain damage and erasing her own existence from the universe, anyway.’ She turned back to Ava. ‘Alright. In you go.’ 

……………

‘Uh, welcome, I guess--’

‘Where’s Maya?’

‘Hold on--Ava?’

‘MAYA!’ The girl immediately sprinted off toward the sound of the Siren’s voice.

‘... Nice to meet you too.’ 

‘FRIGID FROGS.’ 

‘Yeah, that was a little rude…’

Maya nearly fell over from the force of Ava’s tackle-hug. 

‘MAYAAAAAAHAHAAAA!!’ 

It was a good five minutes of sobbing and borderline strangulation, if that was even possible for, as Maya put it, ‘whatever this is,’ before Ava let go. 

‘You-hic-you look weird. I don’t-hic-I don’t care!’ 

Maya snorted, but was holding back ghostly tears of her own. ‘Observant as always. Did you miss me?’ 

‘Don’t… don’t tell anyone I cried, okay?’ 

‘Won’t tell a soul.’ 

…………… 

The two Sirens were sitting side-by-side on the ground, leaning against the tree outside the portal to Maya’s memory.

‘I’m sorry I didn’t take your training as seriously as I should have. I just wanted to be a Vault Hunter so bad...’

‘Well, now that you’ve got my powers, now that you are a Vault hunter’ Maya grabbed Ava’s left hand and held her arm up, ‘How does it feel?’ A little snarky, she added, ‘Is it everything you dreamed?’ 

‘Yes! It’s amazing! It’s everything I’ve ever wanted since… well, ever! I love it!’ 

Maya almost seemed taken aback for a moment, but then covered it up with a grin. ‘I’m glad you’re enjoying it.’ Her smile fell. ‘But… about how I left you on Sanctuary when the Vault Team and I went to Promethea.’

‘I don’t want to talk about that.’

‘We need to talk about it.’

‘...’

‘I’m sorry for leaving you behind. Honestly, though, for the Vault on Promethea, if I had to make that choice again… I’d do it. But just because that was a very specific situation. In general though--I never wanted to leave you out, or deny you adventure. But you do know why I did it, right?’

‘You were trying to protect me… but I can hold my own! I could--’

‘Ava. It’s not that I don’t trust you or your abilities. It’s just… danger is everywhere. Troy and Tyreen took Lilith’s powers. They overwhelmed even me. Both of us were experienced, seasoned fighters, Vault Hunters, Sirens. If they can do that, I don’t even want to think of what they could do to you. But I do. I can’t get it out of my head. I tried to keep you out of the fight because I didn’t want those things to happen. You’re not invincible.’

Ava looked down. 

‘But... I should have taken you with me. Not to Promethea--but everything else.’ If they had been together in battle, then Ava could fight, practice, learn, but Maya would still be there to keep her safe. Ish. Safeish. Safer, at the least. ‘I just want you to know that if I could do that over again, I would. So, I’m sorry.’ 

Ava leaned more onto Maya’s shoulder. 

‘I’m sorry too. I should have listened to you more.’ 

‘Yeah… I feel like I had to cut so much out of your training… buuuuuut, now that we can talk, even if it is in Kreig’s crazy Psychoscape… ’

‘We can continue training?’ 

‘Yep.’ Both smiled. 

‘We can’t do this, like, all the time though, because Kreig’s brain--hold on. Have--have you even met Kreig yet?’

‘Uh… not really.’

‘Oh. My goodness. Okay, come on.’ Maya stood up and grabbed Ava’s hand and towed her over the the area where Kreig’s split psyches were chatting. 

‘Alright. Favorite person number one, meet favorite person number two. Kreig, this is Ava, my apprentice. And Ava, this is Kreig. Vault hunter, Crimson Raider, and my boyfriend.’

‘Oh,’ Blue Kreig stood up. ‘So you’re the kid she told us about? Huh. Nice to finally meet you. I’m the sane side. And that guy over there is the--’ 

‘SQUISHMEAT FLESHSLAYER!’ 

‘Yeah. That.’ 

The three talked so long that they lost track of time. Not that time could be tracked easily in the weird void-like space anyway. But they shared stories of that one time, that one guy, the place with the thing. Tannis is a Siren, by the way, got her powers from an ‘Angel.’ Troy and Tyreen are dead too, the Great Vault was real. They opened two more vaults, went to Nekrotafeyo, met Typhon DeLeon, used an ancient Eridian Machine. The Destroyer was destroyed, Lilith blew up the moon. 

Eventually, Tannis decided that it was time for Ava to come back to the real world. The reason being that Team Vault was meeting to discuss plans, and you should be there, since Lilith technically passed leadership down to you, but honestly leaving planning up to the group was one of the best decisions you’ve made, no offense to you of course,

‘It… it was really nice to see her again. Hey, Kreig,’ 

‘What is it?’ 

‘Can I ask you a favor?’

‘Anything.’

‘Promise me you’ll take care of her?’

‘Of course.’

[urproblematicfav-arsonk]

There's a lot of things about Borderlands 3 that makes it kinda a garbage game. And all of those things are valid and true but a aspect of bl3 that deeply bothers me isn't something I've really seen people talk about?? Maybe they have but I missed it but I want to say my interpretation. (Also like, spoiler warning throughout all of this post)

To start off with: hi, I'm a autistic afab nonbinary person and this is relevant for this little rant I'm bout to go on.

I want to begin by stating why I love this franchise so much.

Borderlands, whether you like it or not, is INCREDIBLY queer. And not in a coded kind of way, it's just flat out gay as fuck. And that means so fucking much to me. Borderlands 2 was one of the first times I ever felt fully represented in a game. Zer0 being this dumbass making Yugioh references and generally being a fun garbage boy and also being nonbinary meant a lot to me and I adore him to this day (nonbinary people can use gendered pronouns fuc off). And getting more and more into this series and finding out that basically every character was on some level queer was really cool to me. Maya being asexual and most of the characters being attracted to multiple genders so honestly and off handily was so refreshing and amazing to get to play through. The casual mentions of a woman's wife or some man's husband in the echo's you find or Moxxi talking about her ex girlfriends was one of the reasons I loved this so much.

Another thing I loved particularly about Borderlands 2 was how feminist it was. I can not tell you how quickly I lost my shit at Mr. Torgue talking about the friend zone being misogynistic(it is btw). And the repeated jokes about fully murdering men for being rude to women was some of the highlights of my first playthrough. Punching a guy till he explodes because he disrespected a sex worker?? Fucking immaculate.

SPEAKING OF SEX WORK.

Mad Moxxi is a icon. She is a mother of MULTIPLE children, a survivor of rape and assault and a fucking bad bitch who runs a now intergalactic titty bar. Getting to have not only a sex worker be respected in a narrative, Moxxi is fun and a genuinely complex character who isn't defined by her job or her appearance. She is emotional and strong and funny and flawed but amazing person.

And then there's the way the male characters a represented and treated. I'll be honest here, I haven't really played Borderlands 1, mostly because have been spoiled by auto pick up and also I just didn't feel like it. So my idea of most of the men are based entirely off of Bl2, the pre-sequel and Tales. Anyway, Mordecai in particular is a character I really liked upfront. I love how a lot of his motivation and character is driven by his love of animals and Bloodwing. He's kind and though troubled knows when to get his shit together and be there when he needs to be. His casual "are you okay?" After the latter falls in the Arid Nexus was such a nice moment and the way he genuinely tries to be there emotionally for all of the people around him who he cares for is so fucking rare to see in a male character. And his arc of giving up alcohol to focus on being a better bird dad and you getting to help Brick make Mordecai a special gift to celebrate his sobriety is so amazing and I'm so proud of him.

Mr. Torgue is my dad and I love him. As mentioned, he is normal and believes that the friend zone is absolute garbage talk is ICONIC™ and the best scene in that game fight me. Torgue is a crybaby. He is an emotional person who is not afraid to express his pain and hurt when people are mean to him. He respects women and loves unicorns. The fact that is physical appearance is a big muscle guy who screams but is the literal opposite of toxic masculinity will forever make him the best male character of all time and I love him and he is my dad.

Roland was a character that I was never in particularly attached to but I still respect him and did enjoy his presence. I really appreciated his leadership style being primarily based on empathy and logic as opposed to him being a big meanie man with a HUGE dick who yells at people. I always really resonated with the echo from Tannis talking about how she came to Sanctuary. Roland going out of his way to bring Tannis to safety while completely respecting her autism and struggle with socializing really made his death hit harder when Tannis was very obviously distraught by losing him. It really seems that Roland was the only one who didn't treat her differently. And as someone who's autistic, finding people who legit 100% understand and respect you and just let you live the way you want/need to is kinda hard and those are the qualities I'd personally want in a leader.

Angel is also a big spot of affection for me. Handsome Jack being a irrefutably horrible person who Angel flat out says gaslights people and killed her means a lot to me considering 99% of Bad Parent stories end with "I forgive u" getting to see an abusive victim take that narrative and say fuck you was powerful and meant a lot to me coming from my own abusive home life.

There's a lot of other things I love about Borderlands but if I keep going I won't stop lol so let's get into why Borderlands 3 makes me so uncomfortable.

One of the main things that bothered me was the sexism. Its nothing too horrifying but given how feminist bl2 was it was really shocking and a bit hurtful the number of times women are called bitches or made to seem crazy. If you recall I brought up how you punch a man to death for calling a woman a bitch? Yea no, in this game we mock women for having boundaries and opinions because lol she's just a CRAZY BITCH who just needs to stop acting so hysterical am I right guys?

Yea the whole mission with that stupid bear thing and his ex robot girlfriend made me insanely uncomfortable and upset. I kept waiting for the gotcha moment where it says actually this bear guy is a dick and he shouldn't use language like that but no we just,,,,,, are supposed to laugh along. I hate it.

Even though Borderlands 3 is still very much queer, this game introducing 2 new trans characters as well as a whole DLC about a gay marriage and one of the playable characters being a lesbian there was this some shit that bothered me.

The mission where you crash and ruin a lesbian wedding.

That mission made so upset and uncomfortable. I hated how traumatized and hurt Tumorhead was as I murdered her family and wife. I hated how unfulfilling the mission was where PLOT TWIST the lady was actually a spy or whatever. I hate how there's a mission about ruining some poor psycho ladies wedding. I would've much more preferred a mission where Idk Bloodshine asks you to help her kill a spy who's causing problems and then fucking go around Promethea collecting wedding decorations or something. OR MAYBE JUST NOT A MISSION WHERE YOU KILL LESBIANS FOR NO FUCKING REASON.

I'm mad, anyway.

I also hated how Tannis was treated in this game. Under absolutely no circumstance would Doctor Patricia Tannis ever willingly take up a position of leadership. She is a severely autistic woman who gets nose bleeds from talking to people she wouldn't just be like "I'm in charge now pls talk to me!!!" Fuck off. And the joke about her dating a minecart isn't funny. The whole thing with the chairs, though funny in its absurdities was still a very important and powerful moment of character exploration. Tannis is insane. She is traumatized and hurt and in a moment of severe torture, she humanized some inanimate objects to cope. Tannis crying over the echo over Phillip is a heartbreaking moment of true vulnerability. It is also funny, because that's how good dark comedy works. It can be both hysterical and emotionally ruining at the same time. So what exactly does Tannis divorcing a minecart mean? What is this saying about her character? Why is it funny? Because lol lol reference??? Again, fuck off.

I hate how the Calypso twins childhood is handled. Troy implies it was horribly abusive and traumatic. But when we met Typhon whatever, he acts like it wasn't that bad??? He acts like he just didn't buy his kids the latest iPhone and oh no whoopsie now they're evil, my bad guys. It feels super weird and I don't like it.

Speaking of abusive parents. THEY DID MY GIRL ANGEL DIRTY SO BAD. This was literally when I decided I hated this game. Angel being the one who killed her mother and not Jack was fucking horrible. Especially after the literal foreshadowing in borderlands 2 implying he did. The fact that Jack is treated like a fearful man making what he thought was the right decision was insulting. I get that MattPat manipulated the fandom into thing Jack is a uwu bean but fuck you, you're the writers and you should fucking know better. Handsome Jack saw his daughter had power and turned her into a living battery for him to use as he saw fit. He was not scared and he was NOT right. Fuck you and fuck you for framing child abuse as chill and ok if your spooked enough like that. And the mission directly contradicts the echo's in Get To Know Jack. If Angel killed her mom why does she ask Jack where her mommy is when he's putting her in her chambers?? Why is it in the echo Jack is aggressive and forcibly and hurtfully makes her go into her chambers but in the memory, he's quiet and passive about it?? That's literally just flat out bad writing. Also fuck you.

Anyway,

I think that's really all I wanted to say about this topic. Obviously, there are also things that suck about bl3 but I'll try to chill and not make this too long.

I mostly wanted to make this to see if people cared/are bothered by the same things I am. I've seen how some of the fandom treats the more emotional and gay aspects of this franchise(the people throwing a fit over Amara, the friend zone line, not respecting trans peoples pronouns, sexualizing and being gross about Moxxi)

Anyway that's it byeeeeeeeeeeeee

[dodger-sister]

Disclaimer: I stopped watching mid S9 & only just came back for this last run of episodes, post-the-Covid-break. So I’m not well versed in the current mythology, though I gather Becky says there will be two endings.  Ever since the end of Despair (s15e18), I’ve had this visual in my head of an ending.  I’m not quite sure how to get there, since again, I’m not up on current mythology.  But I wanted to write this down for myself.  It's not a Dean/Cas romance ending, but a friendship ending, and a good ending for everybody and yeah, kinda Dean heavy, but I know what I'm about, idk. But I just had a visual and for the first time in what feels like 1,000 years, I had something in my head that I had to get out through writing, and once again it's SPN, so like...here’s what I’m picturing:

First of all, Jack defeats Chuck.  But it drains all his power and leaves him powerless & more or less human.  Idk who becomes God then…Amara?  Michael? No one?  But when Chuck is defeated, everyone comes back – all the people Chuck deleted, all the Apocalypse World people, all the people like Eileen who died & came back.  Everyone.  And The Empty, as a gift to the boys for ending this nonsense, spits Castiel back out – (as a writer, I know it was actually a good ending for Cas, his pure happiness, but as a fan I won’t stand for it to end that way).  Then angels & demons are suddenly sucked back up into Heaven & Hell, to put things right.  As this happens, Dean turns wild-eyed to Castiel, thinking he’s being taken…but he doesn’t go.  He stays. And it’s in that moment they realize he is human now, blessed to be part of the humanity he loves now. (From this point on Cas’ outfits consist of button-up shirts with the top 2 buttons undone, black slacks, no tie & no trenchcoat). And then somehow we find out – if Amaara is God or whatever, she gives them the 411 -- that angels & demons are on lockdown and unable to return to Earth.  “At least for a millennium or so.  But that doesn’t mean there aren’t still things that go bump in the night, boys.” (Also, idk enough about what’s up with Adam, but pls insert your own happy ending in here for that boy, he fucking deserves it, the poor kid).

Then, for some reason – idk, maybe when they came back all the people in the world realized something had happened, things don’t just pick right up where they left off, everyone is a little dazed – a bunch of people are at the bunker with the boys, Apoca-World people & stuff.  And there’s kind of this montage, with a score, maybe a folk-rock song, idk, but like people slowly getting their bearings and heading out; the family with the two daughters, bags slung over their shoulders, shaking the boys’ hands in thanks and then heading up the stairs /fade them out to the next scene/ Sam & Eileen sweetly kissing /fade them out to the next scene/ Jody & Donna & the girls hugging the boys goodbye, heading up the stairs /fade them out to the next scene/ Dean setting a burger down in front of Cas, who smiles softly because there are some things he missed about being human /fade them out to the next scene/ Garth saying goodbye to the boys, heading up the stairs /fade them out to the next scene/ Sam & Eileen having amazingly hot sex /fade them out to the next scene/ Jack trying out his powers on a houseplant, nothing happens, he nods, accepting this is permanent /fade them out to the next scene/ Charlie & Stevie, with one of those great Dean-&-Charlie hugs where he cradles her head, omg /fade them out to the next scene/ Sam & Eileen in bed together, facing each other, hands pressed palm to palm, fingers interlocked, gazing loving at each other /fade them out to the last person/ Bobby gets a hug from Sam & then Dean, Cas goes to shake his hand and Bobby gives him a gruff look and then pulls him in for a back-slap hug.  “You boys stay in touch.”  Sam’s all, “Always, Bobby.”

Then all that’s left is the four guys + Eileen.  Sam says to Dean, “I’m gonna take Eileen home, get her settled.  I’ll be back in a few days.”

Dean says, “Or you could stay, you know?”  He looks like it’s hard to say, but he’s also happy for Sam.  “It’s not that far.” (Is it, idk, where does she live?)

Sam’s all, “You mean, like move in with her?  Naw, man, naw.  We aren’t there yet.”

Dean goes, “That’s not how it’s seemed this last week around here,” with a waggle of his eyebrows.

Sam blushes, so soft, a soft baby.  “No, Dean.  I mean…we aren’t there, *yet*.”

“Attaboy,” with a slap on the arm.

Then we get Dean hugging Eileen goodbye, she and Sam head up the stairs, Dean turns to Cas & Jack at the table. Cas stands up awkwardly, says, “I suppose I should consider getting a place of my own.  Humans do that, yes?”

Dean goes, “What? No. Are you kidding me? Sam’s gonna be spending a lot of time – and I mean a *lot* of time /suggestive tone/ with Eileen.  You’re not gonna leave me to clunk around this place on my own.”  Then he pauses, can’t quite meet Cas’ eyes, so not good with emotions that he knows what Cas said before The Empty took him but Dean can’t quite acknowledge it.  “Unless, like, that’s something you need.  For yourself, I mean. To not be here. If you wanna move out…”

Cas, firm and sure, “I do not.”

Dean looks up, a smile of relief on his face, “Well, alright then.”

Then Dean turns to Jack.  “What about you?  You gonna try to bail out on us?”

Jack, confused, says, “No, not at all.”

Dean asks, “Then what’s your plan? One day at a time?”

“Actually,” Jack says, and slides a pamphlet over that’s been sitting with a stack of papers on the table, “I hadn’t had time to give it much thought, but I was thinking this.”

Dean picks it up.  It’s a college pamphlet. “College, huh?  Following in Sam’s footsteps?”

“*Community* college,” Jack emphasis.  “So I could live here &, idk, try it out.  See what I want to do next.  The pamphlet says there are many options ahead of me.”

Dean gives Jack his patented half-smirk/half-smile.  “Alright, we can work with that.  What do you need?” He reaches in his back pocket for his wallet.  “Money for books?  A credit card?” He may have taken a while to get onboard the Jack-train, but he’s there now, proud Uncle Dean.  

“I think I’ll need a birth certificate and a, uh,” he glances at a list he’s been making on a piece of paper, “a social security number?”

Dean nods.  “Okay.  I can take care of that. I know a guy.”

He’s happy with both Cas’ and Jack’s answers.

/fade out to the next scene, scores starts back up, idk maybe we use a rock song here?/

There are a few wide shots of regular people going on about their lives, animals in the fields, people walking the streets, life going on, etc.  Then we start to see all the people we know who are still alive, living their lives…Garth, Charlie & Stevie being happy and domestic, Jody & Donna & the girls, Bobby, other people idk, Jack walking onto campus with a backpack over his shoulder & smiling on his first day of college, Sam and Eileen cooking in her kitchen & cute-kissing & being adorably cute together like so smushy cute.

/fade into  the next scene/ Cas is at the kitchen table researching, Dean walks in and heads to the fridge.

He asks, “You got anything, Cas?”

Cas says, “I think there is a nest of vampires in ***insert place*** and a poltergeist in ***insert place***.  You could probably take care of one and hit the other on your way back.  And for your pleasure, you will pass by ***something like the world’s largest ball of string***.”

Dean grins, thrilled about the cheesy tourist trap idea, “Oh, I’m down with that.  You in?”

Cas gives his doubtful face.  “It’s Jack’s first week of school.”

Dean nods, “Say no more.  I’ll call Sammy.”

/Final scene – music starts, Ramble On by Led Zeppelin/

Dean is standing outside Eileen’s apartment, at the back of the Impala, with the trunk open.  Sam comes out with a duffel, tosses it in the trunk among the other weapons.  We see the classic shot from the trunk POV of the two boys.  Sam smiles, content, ready.  “We got work to do.”  The trunk slams shut.  We see the boys get in the Impala, shut their doors at exactly the same time.  The view is from the back of the car as it revs up and starts off down the road.

Ramble On plays as we watch the Impala drive off until we can no longer see it.

Cut to credit screen that reads – “Carry on, my wayward sons & daughters.  Thank you for 15 years of memories.”  - Love, Eric, Jensen, Jared, Misha and the entire SPN cast & crew.

Boom, bam, credits roll.

(Sorry, I can’t for the life of me figure out a Read More break)

[sortasirius]

“Inherit the Earth” and the Fakeout

Absolutely genius.  Amazing, iconic, legendary, something only our showrunner Andrew Dabb can pull off.

"But Lilly, the episode was so bad!  It was just the brothers, they didn’t look for Cas and Eileen!”

YES.  THAT IS EXACTLY THE POINT.  THIS WAS A FAKE ENDING, THE END OF THE SEASON, NOT OF THE SERIES.

Let’s get into it.

An empty world.  No one left but Sam, Dean, and Jack.

So Dean ran, he somehow managed to pick himself up off the floor of the dungeon and meet up with Sam and Jack.  That jacket was this silent reminder.  Remember what I’ve been saying, Cas has occupied the negative space all season, this is no exception.

Dean can’t look either of them in the face, he’s doing that thing, where his eyes move everywhere BUT where he should look. 

“I couldn’t save anybody.”

Sam couldn’t save the world and Dean couldn’t save the one person that means the world to him.

“Where’s Cas?”

“Dean?”

I think it’s there, in that pause where Dean tries to push down the emotions, continue the fight, not think about the memories he left in the bunker, that Jack realizes what must have happened. Jack is the only one that knows about the deal, he has to know what Cas not being there must mean.

“He saved me.  Billie was coming after us.  Cas summoned the Empty.  It took her...and took him.  Cas is gone.”

This may shock you, but I am GLAD they didn’t talk about Cas, especially with what happens at the end of the episode.  Cas is allowed to just take up unsaid space.  It’s obvious he’s missing with the way they blocked things, obvious he’s missing here.  This whole “oh well they don’t care about Cas because they didn’t talk about him”?  Malarkey.

“Jack I’m sorry.”

Guilt.  Regret.  Pain.  Dean will carry this with him for the rest of his life.  Not only that he lost Cas, but that Sam lost Cas, that Jack lost Cas.

That SHOT, with the distance between Jack and Sam where Cas is SUPPOSED TO BE, and then a zoom out to...THE WORLD.

Okay, as usual, Bucklemming has the subtlety of a sledgehammer lmao.

Jack crying???  Praying to Cas????  Bruh?????

Also it’s just straight-up frightening for everything around my boy to die he is my baby son.

Also not to point out the incredibly obvious, but Dean starts drinking immediately, and continues drinking throughout the whole episode.  Grief arc 2.0 babey.

“We can what, Dean?  There’s no one left to save!  Everybody’s gone!”

“You can’t just give up.”

“What other choice do we have!”

Idk why, but for Sam, who’s the constant, the one who’s always had hope, through everything, through all these years, when he finally says this, when he finally loses his hope?  It hits the hardest.  Sam is the leader, so not only is he grieving the loss of Eileen, he is a general grieving the loss of his soldiers, his friends, the world that he feels the duty to save.

When they go to meet Chuck, I just can’t get that image of Dean, leaning against the car, handprint still on his jacket, staring at the ground out of my head.  It takes him a few seconds to catch up to Sam, like he’s pulled out of thoughts like deep dark water.  Remember friends, it doesn’t have to be loud to be powerful.

Chuck wearing BLACK?  FEAR.

“That’s right, the whole Cain and Abel thing.  Us dead, whatever.  I’ll kill Sam, Sam’ll kill me, we’ll kill each other.  Okay, you pick.  But first?  You gotta put everything back the way it was.  The people, the birds...Cas.  You gotta bring him back.”

Willing to kill his brother.  Willing to die.  Tears in his eyes, begging God to bring Cas back.

And Chuck?  Chuck doesn’t care about their surrender, he knows he’s already got them beaten.  He cares about their pain, he cares about them suffering, because to him?  That’s the entertainment.  He’s not entertained by their found family, by their happiness, by their joy.  He wants them to suffer, all of them.

“Eternal shame.  Suffering.  And loneliness.”

And he leaves them with just that.  No hope, no family, just the three of them, broken, alone.  Jack locked in his bedroom, Sam trying desperately to make life “normal” again.  And Dean.  Dean who drank so much he passed out on the floor.

He doesn’t feel terrific, he feels like shit, because not only is he dealing with the shame of an empty planet, he’s dealing with the guilt of being back in the place where the Empty took Cas.

This whole thing with the dog was just absolutely heartwrenching shit and if I didn’t hate Chuck before, him snapping Miracle right in front of an already fragile Dean would seal that deal.

I just want everyone to know that this is a Jake Abel stan account.

“Daddy’s boy” is a big insult for my boy Dean to use considering his own past with his trash abusive father but I’ll allow it.

I do think it’s interesting, ending of his arc aside, that Michael is willing to help them now.  What changed?  Sure, he ended up trying to help Chuck, running back to his father, but why get back in the game?  I wonder if it has anything to do with the loss of Adam.  It’s an interesting parallel, a man loses his angel while an angel loses his human.

Everything is so DARK in the Bunker now too, even the lighting is loud.

When I tell you I lost my shit when I saw Cas was calling Dean, when I heard Misha’s voice??  I knew it didn’t make any sense but I didn’t care, I would’ve been one step behind Dean as he sprinted towards the door.

Fuck you, Eugenie.

I mean it’s torture not only to Dean, who looks beyond fucking crushed when it’s damn Lucifer at the door, but for us too.  Who the FUCK wanted Lucifer back?  And to tease Cas???  Garbage.

I mean...fam.  Listen, we know who’s writing this episode, this whole Betty thing is just like blatantly unnecessary but again, Eugenie loves Lucifer, gotta distract her with a shiny toy lmao.

It was cool to see Michael and Lucifer onscreen together.  It was a cool dynamic that we rarely got to see.

The whole episode is just twist after twist.  Listen, it’s their last episode so I guess they needed to fit in a season worth of twists in one episode.

Bye Lucifer.  We know Eugenie can’t bring him back.  Blessings to all.

This scene with Adam is the FOURTH scene where Dean is drinking...big yikes to my guy’s liver.

Here’s the thing about Michael.  He’s a mirror for Dean in season 5.  Loyal to an absent father.  He has never changed, but Dean has.  Dean is able to acknowledge now, the trauma that his father put him through, he was able to move past the need for pleasing him at any cost.  Michael and Chuck?  Are John and Dean, if Dean had never been allowed to grow.  And Chuck proves, like John did, that he would always put his wants (in John’s case “the mission”) over his children.

Also not to beat a dead horse but Michael’s death was also peak Eugenie.

Sam getting to punch Chuck in the face?  Thank you, he deserves that.

Obviously I don’t love any scene of my boys getting brutally beaten.  But what I love, what I will always love about them, is what Chuck hates about them:  they won’t ever give up.  They know they won’t win against him, they don’t even land any hits, but that’s not what matters.  What matters is their controller doesn’t control them anymore, that they really are free.  No matter how hard they get hit, the get back up.  It is their choice to stand up to him, no matter the cost.

The moment where Sam and Dean are supporting each other, covered in blood, and they look God in the face, and they laugh.  That is why I will love them unconditionally for the rest of my life.  That is who they are, they will never cow to the villain, whether that’s Azazel or Alastair or Zachariah or Lucifer or Amara or Death or Metatron or Cain or God.  They will always choose to stand up.

“Why are you smiling?”

“Because.  You lose.”

Chills.  What a line.

And Chuck is left, small, human, no longer a villain, no longer anything.

Gotta be real, woulda been nice to, idk, not see all this essential plot in a flashback, but I know I can only ask so much of Bucklemming.

For Dean to walk away from killing Chuck, right after he’s called him “the ultimate killer” is quite simply the most beautifully heartwrenching thing I could ever ask for.  Because that’s who Dean was under Chuck, that’s who Chuck wanted him to be.

And he would have before:

But he’s heard some things since then, heard some things about how others see him.  Not as the killer, not as a monster, not as angry and broken or his daddy’s blunt instrument:

I’m not saying that Dean doesn’t kill Chuck for Cas.  He doesn’t kill Chuck because he doesn’t think he has to anymore, he doesn’t kill Chuck because he listened to Cas, he took Cas’ words to heart.  He made the choice not to be the killer.

“See that’s not who I am, that’s not who we are.”

And Chuck is angry, because he thought, after everything, even after losing, that he would still know Dean well enough to know that he would kill him.  But Chuck has never really known Dean, he has never understood where he’s really come from.  Cas understood, Sam and Jack understand, but Chuck never did, and writing off Dean as angry and broken is his biggest mistake, because that’s never been Dean.

“It’s not his power anymore.”

And it’s not just his physical power, it’s his power over the story, over the boys that’s the real power taken from him.

For Jack to be the one to bring everyone back, for him to be the hero of the story?  That’s poetic right there.  Now, I will say, I don’t think this story ends with him as God, because for him, the child, to take on this burden, it doesn’t make a ton of sense to me for his arc, but we shall see next week.  It felt pretty tied up, but there’s one major loose end: and that’s Jack seeing Cas again.

“Just you and me, going wherever the story takes us.  Just us.”

“Finally free.”

This doesn’t feel triumphant to me, it doesn’t feel like relief.  It feels like they’ve settled, like this is the best they’re going to get, so they might as well make the best of it, at least they have each other.

For Cas and Jack to be carved into the table?  I cry.

And for the montage, very similar to “Swan Song” to be set to “Runnin on Empty”?  Sorry but that’s just too sus to be ignored.

They packaged this episode as an ending, because for many, it might be.  The season’s story, the season about fighting Chuck is over.  So, you might be asking (or, well, screaming, judging by my replies lol), what’s left?  And that’s a good question, Chuck has been defeated, so what is left?  What’s left is what’s really mattered all season: the relationships that have been crafted over the years.  Dean and Sam’s unhappiness at the end of the episode, where “just you and me” sounded more of a grudging acceptance than anything else, is one of the clues that has to be looked at.  Why didn’t Sam find Eileen, why didn’t Jack bring back Cas?  Those two characters specifically are the ones we need to watch out for.  As I’ve said over and over again, peace, contentment, satisfaction, those don’t come from Sam and Dean on the open road together anymore.  They have a family, more of a family than they did when they started hunting together all those years ago, and that family is what holds them together.  They need each other, of course, but each other isn’t enough anymore.  Sam needs Eileen, Dean needs Cas.  That is where they will find their peace.

This episode, as many written by Bucklemming was sloppy, rushed, packed full of shit, and had little gems that we can talk about forever, but that was the end of the season, and next week?  Andrew Dabb brings us home, where Dean and Sam will finally be able to choose what they want for themselves, and that, my friends, is Eileen and Cas.

[samclownchester]

The day is June 15 2020

The time is 3 am

The situation is that the world has fallen into a pandemic of Covid-19, and my job closed down in March, leaving me with lots of time on my hands. Despite my doubts, I fell back into Supernatural, deep into it, and I am now rewatching it. I thought it would be fun to try and see how much I could remember from earlier seasons before I watch them all

I have watched up to 1x14 at this point, so those episodes are fresh in my mind, but lets see what else I remember

Season 1

“Dad’s on a hunting trip, and he hasn’t been home in a few days”

“Saving people, hunting things, the family business”

Sam’s girlfriend dies just like his mom did

Their dad is the point of the season but is only actually in like 3 episodes

Sam and Dean break up but get back together

Sam has VISIONS and moves things with his MIND

Meg is a demon, Sam has a bit of a crush on her

They find their dad, but don’t kill the demon

colt

Season 2

Dean dies in a car crash, John sells his soul for him and dies

Bobby Singer is best dad

Ellen and Jo and Ash exist

Purple Nurple

Gordon?

Lots of psychics! Sam can make friends??

Jk, it’s the hunger games

Sam gets stabbed in the back

Dean sells his soul for him

They kill Azazel I think??

“I have … demon blood in me?”

Season 3

Saving Dean from his demon deal

Groundhog day episode where Dean dies everyday

Gabriel?? (trickster)

Blonde Ruby (let’s hear it for Laurel Lance!)

Very short because there was a writers’ strike that year

Hell hounds

Season 4

Dean was “gripped tight and raised from perdition” by Castiel

Sam has a new gf! (Surprise, it’s Ruby in a new body! :o)

Why does she pretend to not know Dean when he first shows up? Is she lying to Sam about who she is this whole time?? Hmmm I wish I remembered

Time travel?? (Sam doesn’t get to come ☹ )

Demon blood

Demon blood detox ☹

Let’s kill Lilith

“Because it had to be you Sam”

“The boy with the demon blood”

Season 5

Dean is the Michael sword

Sam is messed up, trying to quit demon blood

Cas rebelled, and he did it, all of it, for Dean

Adam Winchester is a person who exists

Also I think this is the season with Jesse the antichrist who never shows up again it’s fine.

He only existed so they could have important conversations about nature vs nurture which honestly they should’ve just saved from when Jack was born but they didn’t know that was gonna happen

More time travel??

Future

Cas likes drugs

Team Free Will

Samifer

Fall into the cage

Dean goes to live with Lisa and Ben

The end?

Season 6

Cas is working with Crowley and spying on Dean but not talking to him like the pining idiot that he is

Dean can’t help but inspect monster happenings in town

Soulless!Sam

Dean finds Soulless Sam

Hanging out with some old dude?

Get Sam’s soul back

Meet Death?

Find out Cas is working with Crowley

 O: Ultimate betrayal

???

Season 7

Leviathans

Godstiel?? Why?? Idr

Hallucifer

Please give Sam therapy

Sam goes to an asylum

Cas takes Sam’s trauma??    

More leviathans

Dick?

Charlie!

Kevin!

Garth? Did we know him before. Idk, we know him now

Dean and Cas go to purgatory!

When does Cas die and walk into the lake? That’s before they go to Purgatory, right? Hmmmm but how does he come back

 Cas is Emmanuel and has a wife? Is that in this season?

Season 8

Dean gets out of purgatory!

But no Cas

Sam had a girlfriend and a dog! Nice!

Not nice, he ignored Kevin and didn’t look for Dean

Like they agreed on, but whatever ok sue him for trying to be happy

Dean has a vampire boyfriend

Not so high and mighty about killing every monster are we now, huh Dean?

Right? I don’t remember, this is a conversation that happens though

He does end up killing Benny though, doesn’t he? huh

Cas is back from Purgatory! But he’s got Secrets ™

“I’m gonna become a hunter”

Then he stays in the old folks home and next time we see him he’s all wacky and likes to watch the bees?

Megstiel

You’re just playing sorry

Am I right?? I don’t remember, but all of this happens at some point

Who even is the big bad? What are we fighting? Idk

Oh we have to save Kevin from Crowley and he reads the demon tablet. Only eats hotdogs, doesn’t shave. I love him please keep him safe.

Spoilers, they don’t

Right! The trials, Sam does the trials, they “purify” him

The angels fall, but Sam doesn’t complete the trials and almost dies.

Season 9

Sam almost dies, Dean is like “right, nonconsensual possession is clearly the best answer for this”

Human!Cas, he drinks lots of water. Steve.

§  “you can’t stay here” :o

Abaddon I think?? What was the point

Crowley is sort of our friend now and I think we meet Rowena? Idr

Kevin dies ☹

“What is the upside to me being alive” – Sam

§  Maybe in this season, maybe not. Who knows?

Cas is a cannibal (eats grace) and becomes and angel again at some point

§  Hannah exists

We all hate Metatron

Cain??

Metatron stabs Dean and Sam puts his dead body on the bed

Demon!Dean

Season 10

Demon!Dean and Crowley are living it up!

Sam and Cas try to cure Dean

Charlie and Rowena interact a lot I think

Book of the Damned

When did they find the bunker? Men of Letters? All that? Idr, anyway they have it at this point

Dean kills lots of people

Charlie dies ☹

Dean blames Sam which is unfair and I hate it

They get the mark off and The DarknessTM is release

Season 11

The Baby episode exists

Really weird sexual tension between Dean and Amara while she’s still kind of a child, no one knows why. Please stop.

Cas gets called expendable and then makes poor life decisions

Lbr, though, Misha is the only other one who can play Lucifer with the same spirit as Mark Pellegrino. Sorry Jared, it’s the truth.

Eileen!! <3

Chuck is God :o

Let’s kill Amara!

Except we don’t kill her, she just needs to bond with her bro.

Here, have your mom back

Season 12

Mom????

British Men of Letters

Lucifer F*cks

Boy I didn’t think this would turn into what it did, let me tell you

Winchesters escape from Federal Prison

Cas says “I love you”

But like, the plural you. No homo.

Sam admits he lost his drive to lead, then finds it again and leads hunters against the dang brits! Hooray!

Oh shoot Lucifer wants custody of his kid!

FIGHT

Fatality – Castiel

Fatality – Mary

Oh no wait she didn’t die she’s just trapped.

Season 13

Jack jack jack jack jack

3 dads, all at various levels of dadding

Actually 2 excellent dads, one dad who is too emotionally damaged to dad but he tries sometimes

Yeah Cas pisses of a cosmic entity. That won’t come back to bite him

Jack just wants to be good

Wayward sisters was not picked up which sucks

Apocalypse world

Rowena is our friend now

Custody Battle!!! Who wins? Not Lucifer

We saved the day! And a ton of people

Literally they made a whole deal of the people being like “We won’t leave our home or our cause” and then they got back to Sam and Dean’s world, didn’t have archangel grace and were just like “meh, actually this place is cool. We don’t have to worry about going back”

Psych! We’re not done yet! Luci wants his kid

And Michael wants his planet

Season 14

Michael! Dean

Jack dies

But it’s ok, we fixed you, just don’t use your powers

Oh shoot he used his power

Nick is somehow alive

In love with Lucifer

Burn his ass!!

Oh Mary disapproves

RIP Mary

RIP Dean being a father, now he’s gonna murder

Hi Chuck, nice of you to show up

Oh no.

Season 15

Chuck sucks

Dean and Cas break up ☹

Sam has visions again

But he’s not psychic, it’s just the piece of his soul inside Chuck

Resurrect your girlfriend! Yeah!!

Jack is eating hearts, but it’s ok, Death told him to do it.

Garden of Eden?

Get your soul back boy!

 And cry

Honorable mentions (Aka these happened but idr when)

Sam falls in love with a werewolf and then has to kill her and MAN Jared really brought the tears

AU where Supernatural is a TV show

Finding out Supernatural is a book series and the author is Chuck!

Crowley becomes helpful mostly

Crowley has a son??

 Meet grandpa

Ellen, Jo, and Ash die

Bobby dies

literally everybody dies

Kill Hitler

They meet that Jewish guy with the Golem who pretended to flirt with Dean at some point.

Jimmy Novak was a devout man who deserved a lot better than he got

Claire Novak is so cool

She moves in with Jody

When do we meet Jody? She’s just always kinda been there?

Gabriel, I don’t remember anything about Gabriel

The council of the Gods’ happens and then I think Gabriel dies in that episode?? Idr

The Four Horsemen

Death, Pestilence, War, Famine

“You’re not hungry Dean”

 I literally do not remember what was happening with these guys

Also, they killed Death, killed a reaper, that reaper became the new Death. I remember when all that happened I just didn’t feel like putting it in the timeline.

[blackmuzak8484]

nortey dowuona’s best of 2020

to be completely honest, I decided to do this entirely for TSJ. otherwise, I wouldn’t have bothered at all. Best end lists are for music nerds and billboard chart nerds and industry vultures, and i happen to be subscribed, in the discord and in the comments of the youtube vids of these folk. so, i decided to pick 10 out of random from the big best of 2020 i was compiling for the whole of the year, which I was gonna post to this Tumblr at the end of the damn year, but I guess I can just post the link to the playlist in the bottom of this post. Here, i’m gonna write about 10 songs I personally love, and pick out a few artists i specifically loved:

artist of the year.

RAP Ferreira put out his best album and best verses in a year everybody either stagnated, fell off or got rendered irrelevant by the world at large. He was ebullient, hilarious, thoughtful and even surprisingly honest. I enjoyed the fact that now he’s begun to create a real platform for many talented folx, and I hope he continues to do that in the margins and make even more beautiful music in the years to come.

rookie of the year.

Enny by a mile. Everybody else who debuted this year got hamstrung by the pandemic but she created 3 great songs, each thoughtful, insightful and a joy. Apparently she just started publicly releasing music to a large audience, and I hope she gets better and better, and even gets bigger than J-

most pleasant surprise.

Vic Mensa’s V Tape. An artist who I though had no more moves left completely turned around his whole career with a fantastic performance at Lollapalooza, a fantastic fleet of features and tis gorgeously produced EP which had some of his most brilliant songs on it. I love it all, Vic Mensah is well and truly back. Welcome back bro. (ALSO, DROP THE DRILL TRACK.)

GREAT THING A GHANAIAN ARTIST DID.

Strongman Burner, Amarae, Okunta Kinte, Vic Mensah in general.

cool things my friends and classmates did.

Justine Darcenne’s #4TheBaeless. Valencia Rae’s Siren thyhomebodies’s Coming of Age. (Phil, a producer in the group, made his own studio!) Brad built his own computer. petit abri put a track on APT9 Record’s compiliation album Volume II. khaalid anderson’s transitions. (khaalid will also be performing at Beats & Brunch on January 23, 2021 at 11 am.) Yannick Paul’s Bear Fruit. The Big Climax’s This Is Ya Boy kxng jetson’s Waves (ft. Kokko Williams & Mike Mezzl) Nicole Gonzalez performed in The Composer’s Melody. Victoria Marie released a bunch of beaufiful covers on her Insta, @toriiii_marie @ph0ssy_jaw works as a counselor online. Pay her at her PayPal. Johnny Aperano Yoba was on People AND Vogue. Dalitso is a wonderful pianist at his church back home in Zambia. Kobina is a fantastic drummer at his church. Kayla graduated with a BS in Music Technology and Industry! Damian been cookin on his insta. Travis graduated! (Look out for Clan of Dragons.) Rorghino Flores made a documentary! Francis (and Animax FYB) put out Mmofra on AmaLexPrime! (play it with yo kids.) A Hype has been dropping crazy all year, roll by his SoundCloud and check out Persistence Of Memory. Reina H been doing great covers on her Insta, @challenges_inlife. Hannah placed music on C. B. S.

best albums of the year (that nobody’s written about).

Maya Huyana -1991 DaWeirdo - Broke and Ugly $ilkMoney - Attack of the Future Shocked, Flesh Covered, Meatbags of the 85 VI Seconds - Because Why Not/Never Knows Best Erik Cain - Heart & Soul Vol. 2 Dimitri & the Scarecrow - Messenger is Sender (from 2015, finally got released onto streaming this year, still pretty great and another great Zimbabwean rapper for us to all fawn over, just like billy woods) Flowking Stone - Gifted 1 The Hoodies - Incommunicado Jayy Grams - Every Gram Counts Domo Genesis/Mike and Keys - Just in Case1/2 Madwiz - God’s Gold Teeth Maez301 - Hasaan Daara J Family - Yaamatele Dai Burger - Dessert EP TeePhlow - Road To Phlowducation II Tef Poe/Blvck Spade - Preacher in the Trap Terrell Hines - Portal One: The Mixtape redveil - niagara Nyukyung - Trap Harmonix AdrianXpression - Sucka Deante Hitchcock - Better (Deluxe) maassai & jWords - ve.loc.i.ty tobe nwigwe - cincoriginals everything Kelsey Lu did this year.

strangest things happening in music in general.

vic mensah actually making a great record. goldlink going through a narcissistic collapse and winding up making the best music of his career. redveil blowing up off Fantano calling him wack. pharoahe monch finally making a rock pivot and it actually works. meet me@the garden coming 10 years too late for my 14 year old self. RAP Ferreira being in the NYTimes, selling a vinyl record for $72, creating an actual nostrum grocers in a video game so we can listen to his next record. The entirety of the playboi carti phenomenom. The entirety of the lil uzi vert phenomenom. The entirety of Chance’s instagram EP being far more money worthy then the entirety of the Big Day and yet being released on Insta and not immediately monetized. Deante Hitchcock releasing a great album and being completely forgotten armand hammer releasing their underground kings wayyy too early. my ass continually not actually looking into amapiano despite always loving it when I review it. several good songs needing to be tacked on to a prior youtube vid as an ad for me to find them instead of actually listening to the artists. santan dave still releasing good verses after he made his illmatic. (expect his new album to suck.) slowthai becoming cake. (we let that go way too far.) Guapdad and BfB Packman being wonderful. Finding out BfB PAckman is a better rapper than Sada Baby. John Boyega putting on Ego Ella May. Having to admit Young Dolph was good all this time and i missed out like a fool.

best tv performance.

Chance The Rapper’s “A Chi-Town Christmas.” IDK’s “Change The Channel.” Sa-Roc’s Tiny Desk Concert. Chika in general. Robert Glapser’s “This Changes Everything (ft. Denzel Curry).” SZA at the Roots Picnic. Sampa The Great at the Roots Picnic. RAP Ferreira in general. Umi’s “Introspection Live Show.” Alexa Esperanza’s cover of “Is It A Crime.” Bad Bunny in general. the jwords, nappy nina and MIKE performances at Satellite Syndicate

most embarrassing piece of music i love with all my heart

Logic’s No Pressure. In all sense of the words I should not love this album like I love my siblings but I do. It is beautiful.

best 10 songs of this year objectively

1 - RAP Ferriera - An Idea Is A Work Of Art (ft. Mike Ladd) [prod. by Kenny Segal, mr. carmack and Mike Parvizi]

I know, I know. In all honesty Doldrums should be here. Then Noz put it on his best list and I had to be all ChiTown Go-Getter and pick the next better thing: this. And in all honesty, it has the best lyric RAP spits on the album: “we build better answers.” But it’s not just that, it’s RAP’s most animated performance, the most dexterous piece on the whole album and the most gorgeous beat, a loping bassline sliding behind the flatfooted drum, allowing Mike Ladd, his musical father, to gently drift through, saying, “what if royalty depised us?” and knowing the only gold is soul and giving it to all of us, all us maggots and vultures and locusts and weevils, to hold to the light so we can finally see. On the quest to get open and free, we continue.

2 - Chika - U Should [prod. by Lido]

I heard this the night it dropped and shot 2 insta videos playacting as it played. But apart from that, it’s a intimate, beautiful song about getting to know a new lady love, so tenderly sung it might melt and disappear if not held gently, with a sweeping guitar lick and purring trumpets sliding all over the place, Chika softly holding each frayed piece together into a considered, gorgeous piece - wait, she’s talking her shit.

3 - Issa Gold - Boys Don’t Cry [prod. by Kingjet & Sherwyn and Matt Zara]

The only reason this isn’t number one is because it dropped on Christmas Eve. But otherwise, it’s a openheart letter to us all. “it’s a lonely path being different,” Issa says, swimming in the melted ice caps as he once danced happily on the edges of melting glaciers that failed to drown him, looking at the world that keeps hurting his heart, yet he still opens his eyes and smiles, and dances. The heavy drums are so bouncy the whole song suddenly flies, formerly a hidden murmur becoming a bright sunlit flight across the sky so we can all see. I can’t wait to see Tempus, if it’s anything as good as this was.

4 - Deante Hitchcock - Growing Up/Mother God [prod. by Brandon Phillips-Taylor]

In all honesty, “Growing Up” is really not the best song on Better. It’s a sweet, happy song with a smooth, crackling bassline with soft, ghostly synths, but still kinda ok. It’s the song added at the end, “Mother God”, that has warm, sizzling piano chords and gorgeous singing in the back. It’s one of the few time I’ve ever heard a man pay homage to the woman in his life and to the God above while being entirely sincere and not faking the funk. The way he praises his mom, his lady, remembering the women in his family taking care of him and him foolishly neglecting Breonna due to his overburdened mind feels full of details, remembrances, explanations and praises. Plus, it actually makes sense that God, if she exists (she does) is a woman since -

5 - Yana Perrault - whiskey and weed [prod. by slate]

Apparently, Yana Perrault is verified now. Excellent. {YES YES MY GOD YESS}, It means more folks know about how great this song, and Yana herself is. If I had any sense, I would’ve written up 12:21 as the best song of 2018, but such is life. Anyway, we have this smooth, bass heavy slinker with shimmering percussion and lumbering drums about hooking up with a former flame who’s “sober” yet keeps on calling Yana to break their sobriety, “know we ain’t talked in a while but you still know my address,” she wryly mentions. As the beat sprints away under a warm cocoon of accapella echoes, it mirrors a relationship so tenuous it might disappear into the wind. Yet still strong enough to have whiskey on call.

6 - Marlon Craft - Culture Sick Freestyle [prod. by Cormill]

Apparently this was supposed to be a shot at Flex. And since Flex is a woman beater and a lame, good for him. Shouldn’t have even gone on Flex to be honest, but then again neither should Jay Critch or Tyler or Black Thought and besides, I watch those freestyles too. And on the freestyle, Marlon frankly put things in perspective. “You don’t want us to better, you just want to be cool still.” This describes all of rap media to be real. And tellingly, it only has 310,000 views. Methinks nobody really wants real. But I do. Thank u Marlon, you continue to be the best white rapper alive. (Nowhere near the best rapper tho, and if Token hadn’t fell off -)

7 - Miah - Cascades [prod. by Cedes]

I’m sideeyeing the boy Miah cuz I had to search up his Audiomack to find the producer’s name (it’s Cedes, and they have a really great avalanche of Drake Type Beats is you like that kind of thing). Were you trying to trick folk into thinking you produced it yourself? You don’t need to do that shit. Especially since you’re writing stuff like “back in high school all my peers were tryin to hit the league / until the league too far from reach so they tap dancing over beats.” When you can frankly break down life that clearly, don’t be trying to hide producer’s names unless you actually learn to produce too. Plaster your name all over that shit.

8 - Justine Darcenne - Off Days [prod. by Mikhail Miller] / Enny - Peng Black Girls (ft. Amia Brave [prod. by Paya]

Justine is indeed my classmate, but that’s not why this song is here. it’s here because it’s a nice little guitar driven song with a spellbinding bridge that’s the best thing I’ve heard her do yet. And I’mma keep it short cuz I already wrote this up at the Singles Jukebox.

Enny released this soft, cushiony record with washed out synths over bulky drums and floated FLOATED over them without even trying to run in the tar, saying frankly, “He said to me, 'they put guns in the streets, that’s what they wanted for me.’ And I said, ‘G, someone can fix you a plate but no one can force you to eat.’” After all, why not try to live for something greater than what the world has expected you to be. And Amia sings, “We’re gon be alright, ok?” with the joy and excitement of someone realizing the words coming alive on their tongue. One of the best songs of this miserable year, and it’s kinda funny watching Jorja accidentally Drake out Amia and even Enny (and by funny I mean irritating.)

9 - Tobi Lou - okay (ft. Dreezy) [prod. by Matteo Woods & Dilip]

Fun fact: Dilip did some great songs with Otxhello, a producer who recorded and mixed 2 records on my first album. That again is not why this song is here. The warm, swinging synths and heavy, bouncy drums are why this is here. Oh, and Tobi’s goofy, silly lyrics and his surprisingly effective Missy Elliott tribute are great too. But obviously, the verse that vaulted this into top 10 was Dreezy, which opens with such a openhearted line, “i can’t help it, it’s too hard to say I’m sorry.” And every line is harder than the last, until she closes with “and I ain’t talkin frontals but we got the city sown up.” Absolutely amazing.

10 - Strongman Burner - Pilolo (ft. KelvynBoy) [prod. by Nixie]

The sweet, gooey synths are poured over the soft, zipping and smooth drums as the wiry bass whirls between Kelvyn’s soft, thin crooning as Stoneman tap dances over the drums, both desperate and defiant, trying to salvage a sinking relationship that he knows is already gathering coral and snappers. It’s the best afropop song of the year and yet it still has a Nigerian on it (well, I put 4 Nigerians on here, next year I’m rectifying that.) And they even did a song together last year , not as good as this. At all. (still pretty good tho.)

best 10 songs i love (but not enough to write full paragraphs for, I already put 10 in and this is already 5 goddamn pages)

11 - Logic - Heard ‘Em Say

best song on the project that isn’t Dadbod but at least it isn’t tempting fate.

12 - Deqn Sue - Creep

I already love this for having a gorgeous bridge, and is cute af. Yes Sue, you can creep.

13 - Quelle Chris & Chris Keys - Sudden Death/ka - i love {moms, mimi, kev}

QUELLE CHIS CAN SANG SANG./ka can heart heart write.

14 - IDK - Square Up (ft. Juicy J)

I don’t know why this is here either but this slaps regardless.

15 - Nappy Nina - Modestly (ft. Maassai)

Maassai is creating some of the best raps out here. so is Nappy Nina.

16 - Kehlani - Lexii’s Outro (ft. Lexii Ajaii)

Let’s celebrate our great rappers when they’re alive (and this includes me. Pls Chika, don’t win Best New Artist.)

17 - Samad Savage - Goodnight

What Travis Scott should’ve tried to be instead of what he is now. Samad still dope af regardless.

18 - Bad Bunny - Si Veo Tu Mama

The way Bad Bunny actually hits that last note makes me feel so excited and alive.

19 - Fat Tony - Back In The Saddle

I fucked up. But I’m getting back in the saddle, back in the saddle next year. NO NIGERIANS ALL NIGERIENS. #ENDSARS tho.

20 - Lady A - the truth is loud

Why am I the only one who has this on a best list? I have 34 bot followers. Vibe, step it up.

best of 2020 music right here folxs.

worst music things of the year:

The Pop Smoke album. Just in all areas. (Better win that Grammy tho.) Travis Scott in general. (So loud and empty and boring.) Big Sean’s Detroit 2. (why does this exist? Just put out Deep Reverence and Detroit Night Cypher and leave everything on the cutting room floor fo the next album.) Remembering all the great rappers who are dead or incarcerated. No Kendrick album (just leaks. Not good enough.) J. Cole and Noname beefing and Noname getting strung up by twitter. Jay Rock pushing being anti-vaccinations. The realization that Normani might never drop a single record ever again. Tory Lanez in general. Joyner Lucas making actually good songs and falling off almost immediately. Cardi B in general. Anything positive being said about steven Universe songs. Luzamity shipping (until it’s canon please stop! Willuz is RIGHT THERE!)