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#idk how i didnt pick up on that but that makes way more sense
opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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#ay ay ay. now that the soul crushing project is done ive elected to spend the week managing data#which is decidedly more chill than what ive been doing for the last month but also isnt not doing anything and it isnt getting stuff done#for when i have to move. so thats annoying. and ive been drawing again at least but i can feel the escalation in my controlling behavior#so its now very frustrating trying to draw anything. coloring is gonna take a million years rip.#also suddenly everyone wants to b social rn? like tomorrow my boss is organizing a thing with an old lab mate and this weekend a#collaborator is having a retirement party. and next week my lab mates wanna do a trivia night. and i kno that i should go to these things.#and i will try but i really dont want to go to any of it. mostly for driving reasons but also im a husk of a person rn. but the more#devastating thing is that uh next week one of the kids i grew up with is getting married to a rich girl lol. and like we werent that close#bc i was and am such an asocial freak but after the wedding my parents r picking up their new camper and camping their way across the#country with my sisters. and im sure someone probably told me the dates of these things at some point but if u tell me dates i will#instantly forget them. so thats. ya kno. happening over basically the next 2 weeks while i have to kill myself over measurements for a#different study i dont care abt. and like. its fine. ill see them mid may for a different planned trip. it just makes me kinda sad#a product of living halfway across the country i guess. im just inherently more disconnected to everyone. i would suspect thsts semi#intentional subconsciously. u cant b upset abt not being able to connect with ppl if you create enough physical distance that u never see#them in the 1st place. u cant misunderstand me if i make myself absent and unknowable. idk. i was explaining to my mum that i didnt realize#the timeline and she was like. understandable whatever u wanna do! and idk y that upsets me so much. i guess its just that i dont want to b#doing this. its causing me pain but dont kno how to articulate it in a way that makes sense. whatever. my mouth hurts. my lips r so chapped#that the irritation is spread past my lip line. probably doesnt help thst i keep rubbing at it lol. anyway things r still annoying#less soul crushing thsn last week but still frustrating#unrelated
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toastsnaffler · 11 months
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actually ive been thinking abt this a lot lately like basically for years i assumed i was very (cis)het passing and only recently ive become aware that i am in fact. very obviously perhaps almost comically gay to other queer ppl. like lmaoooo ok then
#i think its bc a) when i came out at like 15 everyone was super surprised so i assumed ppl still found it unexpected even now#+ b) im not super aware of social cues generally (autism) so dont tend to pick up on stuff like that unless its explicitly said#+ also c) ive never felt like i physically appear very conspicuous bc i dont have any piercings/tattoos/never dyed my hair etc#i only cut my hair short relatively recently too..... so idk i just assumed i blended into the background for everyone#but now im interacting with ppl outside of my tighter social circle more often ive become more aware-#of how ppl might perceive me. or rather ive become aware of just how UNaware i am of how ppl might perceive me#and its really funny how many odd interactions ive had in the past suddenly make sense if u assume the other person clocked me as gay#like strangers that have gotten flustered around me that might be bc i was giving off strong dyke vibes etc#the other day i was in a bookstore and the guy behind the counter was very stiff + quiet until i replied to smth he said and suddenly he-#became way more animated + started talking to me more casually + that was the first time i realised i probably sound gay as fuck#like i think i kinda have a stereotypical gay mannerism/lilt to the way i talk... no wonder i used to get called a fag so often lmfao#or like i remember trying to find a lab partner in 3rd yr of my degree + i had to do it on call only bc of covid + there were a bunch-#of us with similar lab interests but it got sorted SO fast bc this one other student seemed to gravitate immediately towards me#and i remember thinking afterward that it was odd how quickly we resolved that. esp bc we didnt even meet it was just voice call#anyway yeah i found out she was a dyke much later but i think maybe she clocked me straight away bc of how i sound....?#and that was why she warmed to me so quickly... but god i remember debating for ages with my ex abt whether she was gay or not#like my gaydar is truly terrible i suck balls at picking up on cues so its funny that to some people im reeking signals#also i met up with an ollldddd old friend last week + 30 secs in she was like oh fuck you must use different pronouns now#gesturing to Me. like oh..... im visibly gnc......? or maybe behaviourally???? idk. also shes v femme which made me realise that-#i rly do come across kinda masc/butch nowadays. even tho ive never really thought abt it that deeply before or made an effort to#i mean yeah i do identify along those lines but ive never directly considered how to flag that to other people etc im just doing me baby#ANYWAY this has been a rly long ramble idr what point i was getting at but just find it fascinating to think abt how im read in public#bc im just genuinely so unaware of it. its weirdly rly validating to find out that im automatically recognised as dykey + a little masc#boosted my confidence a lot as well tbh ive felt rly comfortable in myself lately. partly also cuz im getting a little muscular ;^)#ANYWAYYYYYY enough of all that i need to go sleep if youre reading this ily goodnighttt xoxo#.diaries
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spookberry · 1 month
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Shadow High series 3 my new beloved
I didnt even like most of em until i saw them in person, but the knowledge that they'll probably never be in the show has my brain in a "well its free realestate" kinda mood
Random list of information cuz ive been plotting out friend dynamics and background lore
-i like to pretend Rainbow High/Shadow High are actually Rainbow University/Shadow University cuz im in art college Right Now and i think it makes more sense with the whole dorm room situation. And also major makes more sense than focus IMO
-I changed Pinkie's major from film to just undeclared. I think she eventually does land on Film. She just has a lot of interests! Her dream has always been to one day direct films, and I think she comes to love them even more while developing ideas her with the group as she winds up in a Director/Producer position for most of them. BUT also every time she takes a class in a different program she cant help but fall in love with that way of making art too. So she has a hard time picking for a while and changed her major a couple times before landing on Film.
-Pinkie and Berrie bond a lot over a shared interest in vocal synths (tho Berrie knows more about them than her).
-The two made Pinkie's vtuber model together!
-the fandom wiki says PJ is from germany?? Idk how canon that is tbh but ive decided to embrace it i guess
-Rooney's canon name is Scarlet Rose, but i thought it was kinda lame especially when Rosie Redwood is also in this line sooo I renamed her! Stuck to the color name puns tho. Mar Rooney. Maroon. Haha
-Speaking on her though i love that shes from texas and likes writing scifi mystery type stuff and that being said i just Know deep in my bones that she was a Voltron Legendary Defender fan and Keith was/is 100% her favorite. She has a continued fondness for mothman specifically cuz of this.
-PJ and Rooney actually talk about fandom and shows/movies ALL the time. They dont have a ton of overlapping interests, but where they do? The two literally never shut up.
-Rosie is such a random character, like outside of her design she feels very poorly considered. So I scrapped the cosmetology thing and made her an illustrator instead! I think it works better with her love of making art in nature. I can see her being really into illustrated guide books. I think shes a bit snooty when it comes to art too. It takes being friends with other artists to become more open minded.
-I like the idea that Rosie is mainly friends with Rooney and Berrie ontop of that. The three of them often tag team storylines and how theyd interpret them into different mediums. Rosie will draw up a bunch of concept stuff while Rooney writes up a pitch bible and Berrie will start making shit move and throwing in her own ideas on camera angles and character designs.
-as an animation major Berrie was required to take a sound design class early on, which is where she met Oliver! Hes very laid back, and likes to go with the flow, but functions a little like the "mom" of the group. Often reminding the girls to take breaks, drink water, stop looking at their screens lest they get eye strain etc. He's multi-talented tbh but Music is his one true passion and he likes how the girls are always giving him collaboration opportunities.
-Oliver and Rosie like to talk sports a lot, both having played a bunch when they were younger and throughout high school.
-Lavender Lynn is Oliver's number one "person who needs constant reminders to settle down" she is in a constant buzz of trying to get the best shots and is utterly obsessed with the process of artistic documentation. Everything must be documented.
-the whole school loves her for this actually, she has a whole side gig where other students hire her to help photograph their projects. She saves everything she earns from this for her future dream plans to visit paris. She has it set really, many of the artists who she helps photograph now will remain steadfast clients of hers forever onward.
-PJ and Lynn actually took a print media class together at one point. Which didnt at the time spark an everlasting friendship. But it did give PJ an easier in to ask for Lynn's help documenting a project the group was working on. One of Lynn's first times photographing them work happened to fall on a day where Rosie had planned to trick everyone into going on a nature walk sans devices... Lynn wound up really appreciating this outing and decided to continue hanging around the group even after that project had ended.
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hadesnumber1daughter · 4 months
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Pretty like the sun
Pairing: Percy Jackson x Apollo daughter OC (she classes as an oc cause I gave her a name but you can just read it like your name or Y/N if you want, I just feel better when I'm writing and the characters have names :)
Summary: Percy has always felt something for you, something that you had felt aswell. These quests of life and death finally knocked some sense into you two.
Warnings: Blood, Pain, Agony, Violence, Weapons, Wounds, Wound treating, Curse words, Oblivious idiots, Fluff, Angsty??, Sexual tension, Mutual pining, Almost death, Non-Canon, Hugs, Kisses, Holding hands, Ooc Percy??? Cerberus as a violent dog (ik she isnt really but this is my imagine so idc), Not proof-read, GUT-WRENCHING LOVE, IDK how i wrote this considering I've never been in a relationship OR have ever had an actual crush in my 16 sad years of life
Words: 6.3k
Notes: This is my first imagine so I'm sorry if its bad😭😭. Also if anyone would be willing to give me a few pointers when it comes to working this app as a creator please do cause, yeah I've been using this app for years but I have no idea how to use it when it comes to posting things. I would be very grateful. ❤️❤️❤️. Also, if anyone wants to request something else for me to write I would love to write something for either Percy or Luke, I'll probably make a list of people who I'm willing to write for later today cause it is 10am rn and I haven't slept so I'll just go bed after this 😭😭😭
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As soon as percy got handed this quest, with Grover being part of the cloven council and Annabeth being gone to spend time with her family, Percy knew his immediate first choice would be Aurora, there was no doubt about it. The Apollo girl had a spark about her that has drawn him in the second he laid eyes on her.
He had deemed it because she was a daughter of Apollo so there would always be some sort of light that would draw him in, but he hasnt been very sure of that for a very long time. Every time he laid eyes on her, it felt as though time stood still and she was the only source of light and happiness in this dark, gloomy world. 
They had became extremely close when he first came to camp, she taught him the ropes in archery as to put it plainly, he was absolutely shit at it. He had no aim and his stance was awful, in her own words.
When she first said that to him, he wanted to throw her in a dumpster, but then he saw her, he properly saw her. He didnt know what Aphrodite looked like, but he was sure she would be a spitting image of the girl. He was even more sure that she was a daughter of Aphrodite but instead she was not, which made sense as to why she was hanging around the archery booth. From that day forward, she helped him freshen his archery skills, and he helped her with her sword skills.
He has never understood why she wouldnt ask Luke as he was the best swords-man and would probably be a better trainer. However, when he brough it up to her one time her cheeks flushed the tiniest bit and she stated how she was helping him, so he should do that same.
That's how they have ended up here. In the middle of nowhere, trying to find and 'kill' a beast that has been accidently lost and let out from the underworld and send it back. Although quests always have 3 people on them, the oracle specifically stated that this was only a 2 person job. Percy had never been so sure in picking Aurora at that moment in time. 
🌊
"Are you sure we are going the right way Perce, I swear I've seen this tree 3 times already" Aurora stated this time taking a dagger and marking said tree with an X so if they do cross it again, she would be right.
"You never trust my navigation skills sunshine, why is that, is it cause you always get lost in my eyes" he says turning to look at her with a smug smile on his face. The girl abruptly stopped at his turn and could feel the blood rush to her cheeks in that moment, her honey-brown eyes immediately locked with his water coloured eyes and she broke the gaze, not letting him have the satisfaction of being right.
"You wish seaweed brain" she muttered and walked past him knocking into his shoulder in the process which led to him letting out a dramatic gasp.
"That hurts sunshine. Where are you going, it's getting dark, we should stop, set up camp and get some rest so we can re-think and re-strategize." The girl slowly stops her steps and turns her back to the boy who is standing there leaning against a tree with his arms crossed giving her a cocky glance that makes her want to die and kill him at the same time. 
The two had a stand-off for a bit before one decided to speak up.
"As long as I don't have to scavenge this creepy forest for wood then its fine by me" the girl said walking back to him while his eyes following her every movement till she was a few steps away from him. The girl went to grab something from her pocket with her left hand and with her right, she grabbed the boys arms and dragged her hand down it, to his hand which automatically opened up. She placed something cold into it with her left hand.
He looked at her and she had a glint in her eyes he hadn't seen for the past 12 hours, looking to his palm, he was a coin. Not just any ordinary coin or ordinary drachma. It was a coin from sea life, the one coin they give to one another which can be used for many thing, they talked it over before the quest. The coin can only be used for 2 things during this quest, to make sure the other doesnt die, or the person who has been handed the coin has to do what the person giving the coin wants no matter what.
He looked up at her with a confused look but seeing the mischief in her eyes gave enough away. Sighing he pocketed the coin and stepped away from the tree which only left 3 steps in-between the two. 
"What do you want me to do" not even bothering arguing.
"I want to see you fail at making a fire" she said just giving him the brightest smile, basically oozing sunlight from her. The boy felt like a deer stuck in headlights in that moment, he almost forgot the reason for her heavenly smile. He wanted to tell her he loved her right there and then, that he could never get enough of her, that he searched for her in every room he ever walked into, that she was the one and only constant source of light in his life, that she was the sun and he would orbit her in every universe no matter how close he got, no matter how much it destroyed him. He was utterly inconsolable without her. He loved her.
"Aurora" the boy started to say, in a serious tone which immediately made the girl's smile falter as she looked into his eyes, he didnt need to say anything. His eyes spoke more words than he would have liked, enough for the girl to get the message and understand him. All of the glances, the subtle touches, the comfort of each other like no other. She felt and understood it all. 
He was about of continue when a roar sounded, echoing in all directions and rustling the trees. The two could hear the howl of Cerberus all around them. Percy immediately uncapped riptide while Aurora unclasped her bracelet which turned into a bow and an unlimited supply of arrows. 
The both circled back to back, covering each others blind spot like muscle memory. They could feel the ground shake with each step the otherworldly creature took. 
"How are we going to do this?" the girl asked while keeping an eye on all of her surroundings. 
"You distract with your arrows as they are long-range and while she's focused on you, I'll go for the kill shot"
"She can't die" she could feel him rolling her eyes as the words left her mouth.
"You know what I mean" 
They could hear the low growl from the side of them. The three-headed beast emerged in all its glory with its 6 menacing eyes ready to rip these two teens to shreds and send the wrong beings in this equation to the underworld. Percy turned to stand next to Aurora and the girl grabbed his hand and squeezed to which he immediately responded. There were many unspoken words that had been said in the past 10 minutes and this was another addition 'dont die, be safe, come back to me'.
Slipping through her fingers, his hand left hers and quietly stalked away before the beast could get any idea there were 2 of them. Wishing the best for the boy, she instantly got the dogs attention by shooting an arrow at the middle head's nose. 
It did not like that.
They all barked at once and got ready to run at the girl. She didn't like to admit it but she was fucking terrified. Cerberus ran at her and she leapt to the side and ran as fast as she could not looking back until she could feel he's a little away from her. She got another arrow ready in her bow and blindly shot it behind her. 
She heard a small whimper which brought a smirk to her face but that was immediately wiped away as she heard the barking intensify. Hiding behind a tree the girl caught her breaths and looked for the hound and she couldnt spot it or Percy. She got another arrow ready and looked behind the tree once again but was faced with the thing she was hunting. 
Fear spread to every part of her body and she had no time to brace the impact as the dog clawed the tree which in return clawed her. She let out a bloodcurdling scream as she was flung into another tree. The bark from the destroyed tree splintered her, her head hit against a tree on impact and the large gash on her side felt like a fire that was melting her skin off. The girl felt her breath stick in her throat, she felt as though she was dying as immense pain filled her and black spots invaded her vision. Only one other thing was on her mind.
Percy.
The ocean eyed boy lost sight of Cerberus immediately as it began to chase Aurora, his Aurora. He followed as fast as he could not wanting anything bad to happen to the girl he loved before he got any chance to be with her, to confess and to just live a life content with his feelings. 
As he heard, the whoosh of Aurora's arrows increase, he could feel himself being uncapable of keeping up with the beast from the underworld and he cursed himself for it. He lost sight of Cerberus and it scared him, it was too quiet. He couldn't hear the creature or the girl he loved. 
His heartbeat quickened as he looked all around him trying to see a glimpse of either of them. 
Then all blood drain out of his face when he heard the one sound he wished he did not have to hear, ever. Aurora's scream made his heart almost leap out of his chest. He didnt know what to do, he didnt know where she was, he couldnt see the hound, its his fault, she going to die because of him. 
She most certainly is going to die if you dont get a fucking move on, that one voice in his head said. And he pushed all the doubts to the back of his head and focused on 2 things. Defeating Cerberus and finding Aurora. 
He could hear the three-headed dogs footsteps and instantly ran to it. It didnt see him coming and it's tail was on the ground so he didnt the best thing he could think of. He ran up the tail onto the body of the beast.
This elicited loud barking from the beast and Percy could only do one thing. Repeatedly stab the dog until it dissolved. 
Now... admittedly, this was not a good strategy. It was fucking awful. There was no thought to his stabs, they all just angered the beast and considering she was quite resistance to stabs, it wasnt helping. He was just tiring himself out. 
He then has the genius idea of stabbing the beast in the eye, or eyes. He started with the left head. The beast let out a large whimper, and stumbled which cause the boy to almost loose his grip on it. He wasnt going to stop now, he needed to send Cerberus back and get to Aurora.
Aurora. Her scream was echoing in his mind. Bouncing around his skull like he has no brain inside, only her gut-wrenching scream.
He subtly shook his head. As much as he was dreading where she was and if she was okay. He needed to secure Cerberus and he needed all attention to so it as fast a possible to get back to his sunshine.
He then stabbed riptide into both the right heads eyes. Percy knew what to expect this time so he braced himself and held on as tight as he could. He could not fail now. He was too close.
The dog slumped onto the floor which made percy's last task much more easier. With agility and caution the boy leapt onto the middle head and punctured the eyes out which evoked a whimper which made the boy feel bad for the animal and it slowly turned to dust. 
In an instant the boy caught his breath and his mind raced with only one thing. 
Aurora.
"Aurora! Sunshine! Where are you?" The boy felt as though he could not breathe. His head was spinning trying to find her in the mountains of trees and in the darkness of this forest, he has never needed to see her more now than any other time. 
"Aurora! Please if you can hear me make a sound! Anything so I know you're alive" He would never leave her. He would die before he left her to rot in these woods. He would never be able to face the guilt and loss.
"Please! Say SOMETHING" he could feel himself getting frustrated. "HELP! SOMEONE, ANYONE" tears welded in his eyes trying to find her. 
There was a rustle of leaves from the left side behind him. He was running to the sound before it even registered in the back of his mind. He kept hearing the rustling and a small whimper. 
He saw a faint glow of light behind a tree and he held his breath for the sight that was to come. He skidded to a stop and fell on his knees infront of her.
His heart dropped to his stomach when he saw her. Her face was significantly paler than when he left her and she had a wood splinter sticking out of her thigh and worst of all, the 4 claw marks across her abdomen with blood everywhere, it seemed to have stopped pouring, but it was a nauseating sight to see. He didnt know what to do. 
"Aurora, darling, open your eyes" his hands reached her cheeks and his thumb rubbed circled on her cheek and his two fingers made their way to her neck to check her pulse. He let out a sigh of relief when he felt a pulse. It was faint but not too faint to the point it would slip too far out of his grasp. 
He reached for his bag on his back to get some first aid supplies, ambrosia and nectar for the girl, when she let out a pained gasp.
The girl had barely an recollection of anything, the only thing on her mind at the moment was the immense pain shooting through her whole body, It felt like she was on fire and couldnt breathe. She wanted to die.
Then her vision cleared and she saw the golden haired boy looked at her like she was the only thing in the whole world, he held so much worry in his eyes that she thought for a second if she was already dead and it was her spirit seeing his reaction to her death.
"Gods, Aurora, you're okay. You had be so worried, I was terrified, I cannot lose you. If I lost you I would lose myself" The boy held one hand to her cheek while speaking so intently to her.
In that one moment she could feel his stare, like clockwork, bubble something inside of her. It almost made her forget why she was on the ground, why she could taste something metallic in the back of her mouth, why she couldnt move her right leg. It almost took it away. Almost.
That fire spread throughout her body again and she couldnt stop the wail that left her mouth. The pain was nauseating. A flood of curses left Percy's mouth as he grabbed the bottle of nectar and opened it.
"Okay, sunshine, I know you're in a lot of pain but I'm going to give you some nectar, you need to drink it but you need to sit up a little straighter." The girl immediately shook her head as a no in response to the boy. 
"I know. The amount of times we've both had to do it but you know deep down that its the only thing that will fix it." The girl tried to harden her stare at the boy but she was too weak to even look at him properly.
"O-okay, but... I can't" she inhaled sharply as she tried to move the slightest bit. She didn't have to finish her sentence for the boy to understand what she was trying to say. He took one his flannel button ups from his bag, scrunched it up and gave it to her. She could only give him a confused look.
"Put it in your mouth, bite down hard cause I'm gonna move you into the right position and its gonna be a pain. I'm sorry sunshine but I have to." She took it with her shaking hands and was about to put it in her mouth when she smelt it, sea salt and musk, then the girl really looked at what the item of clothing was. 
"this is yours" she said in a hoarse voice, looking up at him, confusion plastered all over her features.
"Well I dont exactly know where your bag is so next best thing." he gave her a weak smile and moved closer to her but she weakly grabbed his hand.
"I'm scared" she whispered so pathetically but the boy understood, he knew her. He knew that he needed to keep talking to her, to make sure he is doing something close enough to her for her to know that she's still alive. 
He only interlaced their fingers and pressed a kiss to the back of her hand. 
"I won't let go, I promise. You aren't leaving me, not after everything we have been through together" the girl's eyes welled with tears but she nodded and stuffed her mouth with Percy's flannel. 
He wrapped his arms around her from the side, where he was sitting and placed a kiss in the hair before counting down.
"3...2..." the boy didnt get to 1 before he pulled her up so she was sitting not laying down and with the movement came muffled screams and tears that flowed down the girls face. He was whispering sweet nothings in her ear as she lent into him and he repeatedly kissed her hair or forehead. 
"I'm sorry sunshine, I really am. When you're all better I promise you can hit me" he tried to uplift her but she could barely hear him. Her body shook and agony filled her every sense. He couldn't even express the guilt and regret he felt for the girl, immediately grabbing the nectar, and slowly taking his flannel out of her mouth. 
"You're doing great sweetheart" he says while slowly pouring the nectar into her mouth. Her head is resting against his shoulder as she swallows the drink down in small sips. After she drank it, Percy put it away and the girl began to close her eyes.
"Hey, hey, sunshine you can't be doing that right now. Come on I need to patch you up and then we need to get back to camp, I'll call blackjack. I know how much you like riding on him" he lifts her head off his shoulder and places her on the tree, but this time sitting up so he has easy access to her abdomen. 
She opened one eye and slightly smiled at the boy.
"You're gonna call blackjack?" the girl asked a bit delirious but seemingly in less pain. This brought a instant smile to him as he let out a chuckle, nodding his head while grabbing gauze and 2 bandage rolls.
"I promise I will, but you have to make sure to keep fighting okay. Once this is over, I have something special to tell you" He came loser to the girl and her breath slowed for a moment. 
He looked at her abdomen and a thought crossed his head that made blood rush to his cheeks, he was thankful the girl was delirious and it was dark or else he would simply wallow away. He cleared his throat and looked back up to the girl.
"I'm going to have to cut your shirt off so I can access the cuts and clean them properly" he looked into her eyes once but couldnt face her after that.
"okay" she whispered in return, locking her eyes onto his every move. 
The boy went back into his bag and grabbed a pair of scissors then faced the girl again. He could feel her watchful eyes on him the entire time and he hated to say it but that small voice in the back of his head was wishing she was a bit more delirious right now so he wasnt under her scrutiny while undressing her. Clearing his throat again, he begins to speak.
"Just tell me when to slow down or when to stop, if it gets too painful for you and I'll stop and slow down, okay" he looked to her for reassurance and an okay, to which she nodded.
He didn't know how to position himself so he just opted for kneeling next to her, facing her. He then grabbed the scissors and started to cut her top. Starting from the bottom to the top. As he reached the first claw mark the girl hissed as the shirt was stuck to the wound due to all the dried blood. Percy automatically stopped what he was doing. 
"No, no, keep going, don't stop now otherwise we will never get this done and I can't go back to camp cause I'll be dead" her honey-brown eyes were glossed with tears and the boy just wanted to hold her in his arms until the end of time in a place where they aren't fighting monsters all the damn time and in a place where they can settle down, have fun and just enjoy their life like regular teenagers.
"Don't say that so casually, you are not going to die. Not when you have me. Not when I'll always be here for you, patching you up, nursing you back to health forever. I will never in a million years let you die. I swear on the river Styx." 
She couldn't say anything to him, he will always render her speechless. She just nodded her head as tears cascaded down her cheeks to which he wiped away and placed a kiss on her forehead. Feeling the warmth off eachother brought a sense of peace to them that no one else could ever fill. 
He finished wiping her tears away and then continued cutting her shirt away from the wound. Every time she hissed, winced or flinched, the boy had the overwhelming urge to stop everything he was doing as long as it stopped bring her more pain. Whenever this would happen, the girl would softly squeeze his knee, as her hand was resting there to make sure he was still close to her and was still okay and breathing. 
This reassured him immensely but it did not stop him from the guilt that was drowning him. This would not have happened if it wasn't for him. She would not be in this position right now if he just chose someone else to go on the quest with. She had almost died due to his decision making. He chose her, he told her the plan, the plan that put her straight into danger, he didnt even second guess his choice, he put her into the battlefield without even asking her properly. Whatever he said went. 
The boy had not realised that during his intense self-loathing session, he zoned out and stopped the task at hand.
"Perce?" the girl asked while bringing her hand from his knee to his bicep. "Are you okay? whats going on in your kelp filled brain?" she said with a half smile as the boy looked up at her.
"Nothing, its okay. Just zoned out for a sec" he replied in an instant, looked away from her and continued to cut her shirt away. He was almost at her breasts and he could feel himself getting a bit hot. Obviously, there was no reason to in this situation but just being so close and intimate to her in a non sexual way made him flustered, he couldn't even imagine of it was in a sex- STOP. He shouted at his brain.
She let out a whimper of pain and a few laboured breaths as Percy carefully peeled her shirt of off the biggest wound she had. Her hand squeezed his knee harder than he would have liked her to but it didnt matter, not anymore, not when he caused this, not when he was the reason for her pain. 
He finally got it off the biggest cut and last cut and now he just had to cut the rest of the shirt off. No big deal right?
WRONG. 
The boy was telling himself to suck it up and just cut the rest of her shirt off but he was flustered. It was times like this that made him remember he was just a boy. He was just a boy with a silly crush. Except it isnt a 'silly crush' he was utterly in love with the girl. He tried to clear his head and at the same time, cleared his throat while he cut higher. 
He could feel her eyes watching him, he could feel how fast her heart was racing and he could feel how fast his own was racing. It was as though their hearts were in sync. Every beat was the same. 
Yes the girl felt flustered in this situation, she also couldn't help but want to tease the boy she loved. The girl had always grown up with a life where she never 'loved' anyone, not truly. To her love was always a very strong word in her dictionary but whatever she felt for Percy Jackson it was so powerful she felt as though she needed a word more meaningful than love. 
A word that expressed how everytime she thought of him, that specific memory of him will be branded in her brain forever to the point where even Hera could never make her forget him or forget the way he makes her feel.
He makes her feel alive, the most alive shes every felt in her 16 years of life.
"Are you blushing water boy?" the girl asked him with a half smile on her face and eyes half opened as she felt a sharp pain run through her, while also trying to control her own breathing at the same time. Percy didn't respond, he only kept cutting her shirt off, fingers lightly brushing over the material of her bra. 
She held her breath when he did that, whether it was on purpose of not, the feeling it sent through her body made her want to repeatedly bash her head against a solid wall while ripping her eyes out... in a good way of course. 
Percy finally cut her shirt fully off and it just slid down her arms and bunched at the bottom, near the tree. She felt exposed and could feel the goosebumps on her exposed skin. Percy didn't waste any time and grabbed a clean towel and his water bottle.
Before he could drenched it in water, she stopped him by kicking him with her uncompromised leg to indicate he needed to stop. This instantly stopped him and caused him to look at her. 
"Give me the water bottle before you soak the towel, if the water is warm it will work better and not hurt as much so i'll just heat it up" Percy thought about it for a second before he retaliated.
"You already aren't well enough to get off the ground, how on earth are you going to make it back to camp if you drain yourself of more energy. I know its going to hurt but it will either way, but getting you back to camp is the priority at the moment" Percy didnt want to say those words to the girl, he felt so bad for her and he couldn't help but blame himself. And when he looked into her eyes, like really looked into her eyes after he said that, he wished he could take it back.
Just looking at her made him want to give into her. 
"I can take it, I promise, I'll be okay enough to get back to camp, but I'm telling you now Percy, if I feel anymore extreme pain, I will just end up passing out. Please just let me do this." she tried to move closer to the boy but forgot about the fact that she literally could not move a single inch without his help. 
This just lead the boy to wrap his arm around her back and lent her against the tree again. He looked at her with a stern look.
"Okay, you win. But you have to promise on the river Styx that you will preserve every other bit of your energy for the ride back home." 
"I swear on the River Styx that I will preserve every other bit of my energy for the ride back to camp" He gave her one last look before giving her the water bottle. She focused some most of her energy to her hands and they started to glow. She took the bottle from percy's hand and he could feel the warmth radiate off of her. 
He looked at her in awe but if anyone else was there they would have told you that the boy was love struck. She opened her eyes and made sure to not boil the water. As it was simmering, she gave the bottle back to the boy and he instantly uncapped it and poured the, now warm, water onto the towel. 
"This is going to hurt... a lot, and by a lot i mean a lot, you might want to brace yourself" the boy said as he gave his flannel back to her and some ambrosia for her to eat before they start the painful part of fixing her up.
Aurora took both and muttered a small thanks under her breath before eating the ambrosia which was very pleasant to chew and then stuffed percy's flannel in her mouth again. She felt so weird but if she didnt and someone heard her scream bloody murder, they would get caught and the police would want them... again.
His ocean blue eyes met her honey eyes and he shared a look of regret and guilt before he wiped the dried blood away, starting from the bottom of her abdomen. She instantly clenched her jaw and recoiled as agony ran through her and her hand immediately shot out to grab Percy's wrist in a painfully tight hold to stop him from further cleaning the wounds that caused her pain.
"Sunshine, I know its painful, but I have to do this, I'm going to do this as fast and gently as I can but I will have to be rough at times" he gently takes his freehand to clasp over hers and took it of him and intertwined them while speaking to her. 
In his favour, it seemed that the energy it took the girl to warm the water up finally caught up with her as her hand lost most of its grip and her eyes closed slightly. He chuckled slightly and placed her hand back down next to her before continuing what he was doing.
He carefully but efficiently cleaned the areas surrounding her wounds while she was rejuvenating. He would hear muffled noises from time to time but other than that she was essentially knocked out. As he finished she seemed to feel less tired and her eyes opened wider than they did before.
"I'm almost finished sunshine, did you like your nap?" the boy questioned with a smirk but deep down he was glad that she kept her promise and she would have enough energy to go back to camp.
The girl nodded and looked at her abdomen. It was really clean and the wounds were barely bleeding anymore but she was fucking freezing. She shivered a little bit and percy could tell instantly.
"I've just got to bandage you up then you can put a jumper on. Okay?" he reassured her while taking the sterile dressing, he placed it over the 4 slashes and began to unwrap the dressing to bandage her up.
They both soon found the position to be quite awkward. 
Percy needed to bandage her whole abdomen which needed him to wrap the dressing over her back but she was lent up against the tree without a shirt on and unable to move to do it herself. He stopped to think of a good way to do this.
"Okay, I've got it. I'll lean you up against me and bandage your abdomen from behind." The girl thought for a bit before she agreed and the boy got up so he was only seen in her peripheral vision. He hooked his arms under hers and moved her along the ground to sit inbetween his legs. The position felt very compromising for both of them but it needed to be done.
She could feel his warm breath on her cold neck and she felt the urge to pass away because if thats how she passed, she would not mind. She held her breath as Percy begun wrapping her abdomen, she could barely feel the pain cause all she could think about and feel was him.
His breath on her neck, his fingers brushing her skin, how carefully he was handling her, like she would break at the wrong touch. He was everything she wanted, everything she needed. Everything they both deserved.
He quickly finished wrapping her up and he mentally called Blackjack from where ever he was right now. Before he could move or start to get things sorted he just looked at Aurora. She was peaceful. She looked ethereal under the moonlight, though she did look better under direct sunlight.
He decided to just stay still for a bit and wrapped an arms around the girl loosely as to not injure or hurt her more. They just needed some rest, no matter how long or short it was.
Both Aurora and Percy could hear the flap of Blackjacks wings so he quickly moved the girl back to lean against the tree while he packed everything away. Not before making sure to torniquet the girls leg where the wood piece was still protruding out of it. He made the decision before to not take it out as they both did not know how severe the injury underneath it was.
Percy grabbed a warm, woolly jumper from his bag and a blanket and gave both items to the girl before zipping it up.
"I'm going to find your bag and your bracelet before we leave, and before you say anything. I'm going to call Blackjack here to be with you before I look for them" he stated as he got up.
"Thanks a lot Perce, but before you look, how am I meant to put this jumper on without raising my arms and disrupting my bandages" Percy felt like an idiot. He dropped his bag back on the ground and knelt next to her carefully putting the jumper through one arms hole, then the next, then her head through.
Percy would never admit it there and then but he always loved when the girl would wear his clothes. It sent a warm fuzzy feeling through him knowing she was wearing his clothes, especially when she was willingly wearing his clothes. 
Similarly, Aurora would never admit it there but having Percy help her get changed into his clothes and help clean her up made her fall even more in love with him if that was even possible. She felt as though she was just falling into deep pit everytime he did anything for her or even just looked her way. 
He finished by wrapping her up in the blanket and chuckled when he saw how she looked... Exactly like a burrito. 
Blackjack came down and the girls eyes instantly widened at the sight of the creature. To which the boy just smiled at. Before he left to retrieve her bag and bracelet which were very easy to find. He quickly arrived back to the girl and Pegasus and was met with an adorable sight.
The Pegasus was on the floor next to the girl and was almost hugging her with its wing. Percy didnt think he could fall in love with the girl again but she has gone and proved him wrong, like always. 
"I've got your things sunshine, and I know its going to hurt but I'm going to have to pick you up to put you on Blackjack. Is that okay?" He knelt next to her and she nodded.
He wrapped an arm around her back and one under her knees, making sure not to hit the piece of wood and picked the girl up, quite easily, bridal style. It make them both feel fuzzy and warm inside. Even blackjack could feel the warmth.
He placed her sitting on the Pegasus so she would be infront of him when he got on. He then grabbed both of their bags and got onto blackjack himself. 
"You'd normally need to hold on tight to blackjack but I'll hold you okay? Just rest" The boy whispered in her ear as he gave her a peck on her cheek while she slowly drifted off and leaned her head back onto the boy's shoulder.
"Blackjack, No crazy flying today. We aren't at war today, its a rest day. Just take us back to camp, quick but not to the point we normally fly." Blackjacks reply left Percy with pink staining his cheeks and they made their way back to camp.
______________________________________________________________
OH MY FUCKING DAYS, I AM NEVER WRITING ANYTHING THIS LONG AGAIN
(such a fucking lie)
But I have to honest, apart from the small mental breakdowns. This was really fun to write. I love these two soo much.
When I went into this, I wanted to actually get them back to camp and I wanted them to confess but it was getting tooooooo long for that so if anyone wants a part 2, I'll gladly make it. Please dont critique me too much, this is still my first imagine 😭😭😭
I LOVE YOU ALL ❤️❤️❤️
unless you piss me off
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melissa-titanium · 2 months
Note
HELLOOO CAN I TALK TO YOU ABT DOLL
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do you think that like, her being at school let her have some escape from her home and her revenge plans, like in this picture she is smiling and it looks way more like a happy smile than here
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SHE IS HAPPY TO GET HER REVENGE, BUT SHE LOOKS SO TIRED, EVEN HER LAUGH IS TIRED
its like shes getting worse from the kills, in her house there was enough oil for her to not kill any other drones, yet her plan had to work, but it didnt, and only let her feeling more guilty
EVERYONE IS ALLOWED TO SEND ME SHIT ABOUT DOLL ALWAYS AT ANY TIME EVER FOREVER AND EVER. I LITERALLY NEED HER. SHES SO FUCKING COOL. BUT OMG HI YES HOLD ON
thats such an interesting take on pilot doll omg HI???? YES I CAN TOTALLY SEE THIS CONSIDERING WE DONT SEE DOLL IN SCHOOL OUTSIDE OF THE PILOT. HIIII YES OMG ok ok.
i havent actually thought this much about this. i personally think her in the pilot vs her in promening was like. not really a Whole big difference but like...the fact that lizzy now has access to v set her off. shes always been a little unsettling, a little fucking deranged but maybe something happened between ep 1 and 3 thatr was like. lizzy came to her like... hey, one of the disassembly drones came by my bunk the other day. was this the one? (shows doll a pic) and doll just FUcking Loses it . i think she was actively vengeful during the pilot too but YES like ur saying its almost a .grounding thing. everyone here is real and alive. and then at the end of the day she has to go back and face dozens upon dozens upon dozens of corpses that are there because of HER and its liike. idk i imagine shes 18-22 . shes young as hell. and that FUCKS WITH YOU. this is doll to me:
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they know damn well her parents are dead but she's just under being eerie enough that no one really suspects her for anything going on. she's relatively normal around lizzy & not aggressive but not outgoing with other students. like to everyone, shes just a normal kid who lost her parents. plenty of kids have lost their parents, considering the murder drones lurking *right outside the bunker.*
i think she would get tired. yeah. she held onto the all consuming debilitating hatred for these genocidal war machines that killed her parents and countless others. then heartbeat happens, and suddenly people are Okay with them??? that would fucking set her OFF. so long, so fucking long shes been holding onto her anger and not being able to do anything about it . BUT NOW SHE CAN. ough ok but then theres those conflicting feelings bcos of uzi. u can see in promening she has SOME sense of... for lack of a better word, humanity in how she treats uzi (hell even tossing lizzy out of the way when she started killing people.) i think she picks and choses who she cares about and then is usually consistent in how she treats them. basically; dont get on her bad side. she's conflicted at the end of ep3 after learning uzi has the solver; but uzi is siding with the murder drones and thats HER loss for being SCHTUPIDDDDDDDD!!!! but then again, she finally has someone who understands what shes going through... but also AUGH..! i have to kill v i HAVE to kill v ive gotten so far i cant give up now FUCK!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!! i think there would be so much of her being conflicted between uzi knows what i feel. but also uzi is siding with the bitch who killed my fucking parents. i think she would just spiral and spiral until dead end comes along and she has a decision to make. and she makes it. and uzi is Fucked and v is Fucked and n and tessa are FUCKEd AND OK TYHIS IS GETTING LONG IM DONE
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doll jumpscare
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cumulo-stratus · 7 months
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BAU autism headcannons
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(GIF NOT MINE)
(male reader)
CW: possible swearing, mentions of meltdowns and overstimulation, lemme know if theres anything else!
A/N: sry i havent rly posted in a while, i started a school recently and its been a rly big change for me so ive just been emotionally/mentally exhausted like all the time, but i dont wanna abandon u guys so i decided i would get something up, even if its not super good, thanks for y’all’s understanding <3
i think both JJ and Emily would become sort of mothers to reader
(not that they werent already mothers to the rest of the team but reader especially)
like JJ would totally have a motherly instinct for readers needs (like a sort of spider sense)
like if your ever nervous about something being too much or being overwhelming, jj would kinds know this and either make arrangements for accommodations or make sure you know you dont have to go if you want to.
and like she definitely wold put herself in charge of keeping your safe foods stashed on the jet and at the office
emily is more of a mother in a protective way than jj is
like this girl will not hesitate at all to go off on someone for maybe being disrespected to about stimming your chair while thinking
or like if you dont want to shake a police officers hand when your being introduced, and you get dirty/weird looks for it, or anyone comments on it? BOOM this girl will stare at them with so much animosity they’ll be scared of her shes so hot oml
anyways i thinks he team would be super accepting of you, especially if you joined after reid like they would already have some experience with autism
and like if you weren’t ent comfortable telling anyone other than hotch(i feel like it would be like a in ur file thing idk how the government works tho) spencer would defo be able to tell and confront u privately abt it (our respectful king <3)
and if you are comfortable telling the team, everyone would be respectful
i think like rossi/gideon would be a little clueless but like trying their hardest
like rossi would have no idea what stimming is but understands that like you move in certain ways or make certain noises when ur excited
and like with all his money he wouldnt hesitate to spoil u with any fidget toy u need/want or like a rly nice weighted blanket (its insane how expensive those things are)
and like gideon despite his profound understanding of others (hope yall got that ;)) he wouldn’ t get why sometimes you dont feel like/cant talk but totally respects it
omg garcia is our autism ally QUEEN im telling you
always has a big basket of fidgets/stim toys sitting on her desk and when your having a rough day shell leave you a little goodie in a brightly colored and decorated bag
i firmly believe that she is the queen at finding brands with clothes that not only fits your style perfectly but is also sensory friendly
i think she would definitely say that if she never ended up working in the FBI she wouldve started a clothing shop for sensory friendly clothing/accessories
spencer would totallllyyyy be your best friend when it comes to being under-stimulated
he will totally info dump on you and vice-versa
spencer (like penlope) would totally recommend clothing brands that are sensory friendly, but sock brands in particular
and everyone makes fun of you for nerding out over everything
also spencer would definitely get in the habit of grabbing your hands in his when you start to pick a t your nails and cuticles
like he didnt even realize what he was doing the first time but now he does it without thinking about it and for the team its normal
“hey,” and he would gently grab your hands to stop you from picking at them
“sorry..”
”youve nothing to be sorry for” (with that little reid smile oml rf[osifjgturhv)
and i also firmly believe that morgan is the best people to go to if your having a meltdown
he would stop you from harmfully stimming
“hey sugar, unclench those pretty little hands for me. there we go… good job kid.” he would have the softest smile and voice
and when he takes your hands to stop you from hitting yourself his grip is rly firm but gentle
but hotch is the best to go to for when your overstimulated
like he would make sure you know his office is always a quiet place you can go to with out questions
and he would secretly have a stash of like stimm toys in his office that he stole from garcia
his couch is always open to you, especially like late at night if you are really tired his fatherly instincts will kick in and force you to come to his office for a break
he would would hand you and blanket and a stim toy
”sit. sleep”
thats all he would say in his cute little stern but actually caring voice <3
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fandomstickyy · 9 months
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Watching A Movie With A Rape Scene
Angst/COMFORT
18++ MDNI
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CW: mentions of rape, NOTHING GRAPHIC, comfort from these menzes
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Au: I'm a bit of a film nerd so I'm always looking for indie/low budget bangers and a few movies I've seen have straight up r#pe scenes! Idk why I terrorize myself. Thought of these scenarios to ease the pain 💀. ANYWAY this post is probably super random but I've seen a lot of wild fics on here so whatever it's not too bad.
It's all fluff!! <3. Take care of yourselves !! Don't read if you're not up for it
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Deku
° wants to turn the movie off completely
°is super mad if the scene feels unnecessary to the plot. Really sensitive ab it. Even if it makes sense for the plot he's still mad.
°Rethinks his opinion on the entire movie
° if you don't wanna watch it anymore then he is zooming around to get snacks and put on something cute and/or comforting.
°"you want an extra blanket? We have chocolate you want chocolate??"
°"izuku please sit down, I'm okay."
°very touchy the rest of the night. Almost as if physically apolozing for you having to see that 🥺. Touches are light and needy
Bakugo
° he's REALLY uncomfortable
° I mean it goes to say they all are BUT he seems like the guy to freeze up at first
° mind RACING
°body stiff
° 0-100 instant stress. Just thinking "UGH WTF! I didn't know this shit was in the movie when I picked it out! I hope she knows i didnt know" "👀 damn do I turn it off!? Would that be weird ??" "Is she uncomfortable-"
°he'll blurt smth out about the @ssaulter being a piece of shit or smth.
°he pays a lot of attention to how your reacting to his statement. Wants to make it clear that he would NEVER think that's okay. He can be rough around the edges even sharp at times but he would never cross that boundary w you or anyone else nor does he think that's okay (goes w all of them but I feel bakugo knows he's a little more aggressive than the rest I can see him being a little insecure that anyone would possibly THINK he would sympathies with or do smth so shameful and cruel)
° if he sees you're really affected by the scene, he will pull up every reason that the movie is "actually trash" and that the filmmakers are "demented"
° would turn it off if you're really not feeling the movie anymore
Kirishima
°similar to bakugo there's an instant panic. It's that tense in their muscles, that shift in their eyes to you, to the tv, to you, to the wall.
°there's more hesitation with kirishima because he wants to protect you but doesn't want to treat you like your some kid that can't protect themself
°back and forth, back and forth, back-
°"He- hey baby I don't think your eyes need to see that, right??" Reaching to fast-forward with an awkward laugh which makes you laugh hard
°why this man can't stop stutterin ????
°you adore the way he's so caring about it but the act was just too wholesome not to laugh
°"What?? C-comeon I don't want you to see that. .. it's not beautiful.. and you should only witness things that are beautiful .." (BRUH PLEASE-)
°holds you tight the rest of the movie
°giving small kisses on your head, arms, shoulder
° when the movie is over, just wants to hold you close for a moment in silence
° maybe asks if if you're okay after seeing that even though he fastforwarded through
Denki
°instant reaction
°covers your eyes !!
° "LALALA!! how was your day baby??"
° closes his eyes too!
° he might as well just fast forward or smth, but he kinda just dived over to you before thinking ab it <3.
°yall 100% get caught up in the conversation, hands over your eyes and everything. Maybe he brings up a funny moment when yall were hanging w friends recently or the way the bathroom door looks like it has a face and he's judgey and his name is Willfred the III
°laugh until you snort when yall realize the r#pe scene is over and has BEEN over
°bored w the movie anyway and change it to Shrek
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rzyraffek · 1 year
Note
Hey! It’s my birthday today, I was wondering if I could have some birthday headcanons for some slashers? Like what the boys would do on their s/o’s special day. Include your favs, I love them all! (Especially Otis he’s my pookie <3) Ty! 🖤🦇
Yoo happy happy birthday! Somone is a Taurus i see. Sadly I dont write for Otis :( but I can write for other slashers!
Ghostface
Mans will print whole album with their photos and maybe give them something shiny too. Like nice earrings or that necklace s/o was looking for everywhere. But hes top tier stalker so he totapny knows what's important to them so if they have any cool hobbies he will probably buy something from that topic for example you like painting? Boom brand new paints! You enjoy gardening? Yoo new pots just dropped
He wants to take them out to nice restaurant, later maybe watch a movie or something
It doesnt matter how he spends this night as far as s/o is happy with it really
To be honest im 100% sure he will trow a party if s/o is extroverted person! Music food and party hats!
Micheal Myers
This guy will walk up to them while they are calmly sleeping like lil bebi, grab them and drag them to kitchen. "Wha- Micheal it's way to early for dinne- S/o didnt finish cuz they saw huge cake on the table.
It was clearly stolen but untouched and pretty! With strawberries on top!
He didnt say anything he just 👁👁 very much so. Plase say nice things, the nearest cake shop is like 20minutes away he had to work so much for it.
He also will fallow them everywhere, like more than usually??
Jason Voorhees
Men will pick up any flower in 30meter radius and then give them all to them
Also he may catch a frog accidently and decide thats a great gift too
He tries his best to be good boyfriend/husband material🥰
He will try to make is as romantic as possible! Whatever s/o wants will happen today😈
Thomas Hewitt
My dude gonna be in kitchen since 6am cuz the breakfast he made has delightful AND he woke them up by brining it to bed?? Come one Thomas you are spoiling them
He will probably just make a lot of good food for them!
Also he decided to do huge step in their relationship and begged Luda to buy some ALIVE chickens. Now they have baby chimkens to raise on the farm how cute.
Asa Emory
This goofball had difficult time deciding what to give them😰
He wanted to give them some pretty moths or butterflys but he didnt want to make it obvious
But at the same time it would make a great gift? Like its very iconic for Asa to collect bugs so it would make sense to give them to his loved ones? Idk man he just wants them to by happy
He will buy some takeout food and eat it together while watching some animal planet stuff
Also he decided to give them some cute beatles🥰 (if s/o doenst like dead animals he acually bought lil glass box, plants and made acuall lil home for lil beatle buddies)
Sorry if it feels rushed i wanted to hurry up so you can read it on the day of ur b-day🥰
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dollfaceirene · 3 months
Text
50 DAY SC CHALLENGE: UPDATE 1
SO it's finally time for the first update of the 50 Day Self Concept challenge that i started to improve my mindset!
𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝟏: so i listened to some new SC affirmation tapes that i found on youtube and relistened to my SC playlist and i've noticed a calmness in my mindset ngl. I just felt meh about my mindset. 𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝟐: icl i've seen a sense of calmness in my mindset which is good. Been affirming i was a master shifter and could shift on command (becuz respectfully, i fcking can lol), i've noticed when i was on call with one of my friend's friend, i was actually really talkative & funny, my mum is nicer to me, i feel soo good 𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝟑: so i saw some video of some shiftoker that i have been keeping up with recently and she minishifted after her 2nd day of reprogramming her subconsciousness and that made me spiral and cause a dip in my mindset because "she was making more progress in her 3D than me" and i started having feeling of jealousy and such. Regardless, i kept persisting even though i lowkey felt shitty and then near the end of the night, i listened to some SC affirmation tapes & shifting subs 𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝟒: ever since seeing that video of someone minishifting on their 2nd day of their mental diet, i’ve just been wavering thinking “why not me?” “how long until its my turn” and its just sent me in some spiral. It doesn’t help that lately i’ve been just home all day so i get bored very easily and start wavering on my self concept aswell. Idk, but i just need to pick myself tf up and stand up because if i keep wavering, ill never get out of the cycle of persisting in my SC and being a master shifter, focus on the 3D then start affirming the opposite. Nuh uh! because i promised myself this year ill shift and no more fucking excuses because if other people can do it then there is absolutely no excuse to me doing it 𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝟓: So after reading a really eye opening and wake up call loa post on tumblr at 12AM, i decided why tf was i allowing myself to become a victim of the 3D when its the effect and my 4D is the cause?? So i kept persisting in my affirmations and woke up feeling sm better. Overall, i manifested some stuff and even something didnt go my way in the 3D and i found it sm easier to not react to it.
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Hiiii :3 heres my pack of losers (my x-rank team) because i needed ghost to actually have a team :]. heres a link to all my splatoons on toyhouse
seperate refrences, little blurbs about them and color alts where they all share eachothers colors below the thang v enjoy my word vomit idk how to write character stuff out teehee
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sorry his ref is a year old and rushed for artfight </3 also the age is wrong i think i changed it to 23
he's from around where the deepsea metro is/was. had to leave because of unstable surroundings from an unknown to him cause. he's best friends with Rust and her kids, im gonna be honest i haven't actually thought through how they met and ive just realized this oops. since he spent most of his life underground and now lives in the splatlands he gets sunburnt way too frequently to not be covered up constantly, though he wears thing like tank tops and shorts during splatfest since those mostly occur during the night.
He met wisteria and ember first and then 72. they didnt apoint him as leader nor do they really care to have one but he's the tallest so everyone assumes its him. he's the most softspoken out of the 4 of them but thats a really low bar, he has a hard time making decisions but once he does he will die on that hill
(since its not on his ref like the other three)
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72 escaped the metro before agent 8 went through it, he had found a memcake that was dropped after a test giving him just a clear enough mind to think for himself some. he ended up finding his way out after a while of accumulating a couple more memcakes, barely any where his though so hes walking around with memories that aren't his. It also took him a while to get used to the fact he isnt a soldier nor a test subject anymore. If he saw another sanitized mollusk he'd probably hide or run away </3.
72 met Ghost while after wandering around the area for a while, and ended up crashing in his car the whole time on ghosts way back to the splatlands (he thought 72 was like, drunk or something since he was tumbling around and seemed to be not the most coherent). he doesnt blink or breath unless hes actively thinking about it :[.
he had a hard time discerning things for a while but hes gotten better, at first he thought ember was just a weird octoling because she wears the old octoling goggles. we beat the evil soap with friendship in this house!!!
personality wise hes pretty hyper and cheerful which isnt usually your first thought upon seeing a zombie, forgot his age but hes an adult, he was encouraged to pick his own birthday :]
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I have the least down for him at the moment, there will be more on her prommy </3 she's 21
She's a callie superfan with a vulgar sense of humor, usually the one who purposefully makes other players angry. born and raised in the splatlands she knows all the places to hide and get you lost in.
he's been friends with ember the longest, they where online friends until ember moved to splatsville. was introduced to ghost and 72 later by ember, he likes to antagonize 72 (think sibling antagonizing, theyre both in on it). down to fist fight you in the back of a waffle house
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Originally from the inkopolis outskirts, they're 31
Ember's both a video game and turf/anarchy streamer, she has camera in their goggles for the latter. bad habit of talking in twitch/internet lingo outside of streaming. Once she has eyes on something its nearly impossible to get her to do something else. Very friendly outside fighting, will give you nice words and a pat on the back after a game whether they won or not.
met ghost while playing turf war in a random que, he was, in her words, "a bit to intense to be playing in turf" and told him after the game that he should try out anarchy, he was scared of it since he was new to the area. they ended up teaming up and playing a couple games together, later inviting wisteria and eventually 72.
theres def more to these guys but it will take me a long time to get the words in my head to cooperate 🙏im better at answering specific questions about things then coming up with what to write myself
have some color alts :3
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chuubbles · 1 year
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farm boy!heeseung x country girl!reader
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w. fluff, suggestive, mentions of food(?) | t. friends to lovers | lower case | author’s note: guys i had an idea in mind i swear idk what happened 😭 i hope you enjoy either way!
🎶: valentine, laufey 
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you and heeseung go way back. like, waaaaaay back. hes basically your partner in crime. 
it all started off when you were at the ripe age of 3, moving into the country side. your parents said it would be good experience. they said it was a “test-run”, but you still ended up living here. there weren’t that many kids for you to hang out with when you were 6. there were no playgrounds, kids on tricycles, and princess parties. horrible, i know. 
you were crying on the dirt floor on a rainy day. you dont even remember what you were so aggravated about. it was raining hard and was slightly dark, and puddles began to form. your mom let you go outside to jump around, leading to your current situation. your face red from crying so much, and it also feeling puffy and numb. you didnt have the willpower to get up from the now forming puddle under you, so you just sat there sniffling and whining. constantly rubbing the bottom of your nose with your hand hand. until you heard a frog croak. you snapped your head around, to only be greeted with a short boy in a blue raincoat, holding the noisy frog. 
you looked up at him, now sunlight beginning to rip through the cloudy skies. his face had some mud stains, and his hands looked as though he scooped up dirt and pebbles. “do you wanna play with frogs with me?” the boy managed to ask. he was definitely shy, and he was definitely grateful you couldnt see the blush on his cheeks. you managed to stifle a “mhm”, before he helped you up and ran with you to a nearby pond. 
that’s how you met lee heeseung. through frickin’ frogs. i know. 
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youre both now older, him being 17 and you being 16. youve basically grown up together.   heeseung could just barge into your house from the back door and go through the fridge and your parents wouldnt do anything. thats how close you guys were. you were always invited to sleep over at heeseung’s house, or have dinner with his family. 
you inhaled, letting the cold weather and breeze fill your senses. you were currently sitting on the edge of a fence, watching heeseung talk to cows. his straw hat was connected to a string currently around his throat, the hat off his head. he was in a dirty pair of baggy overalls and a sleeveless white shirt. dont forget the red working gloves. he was about to round up the cows soon to go inside, until he saw you. “hey heeseung!!” you waved from across the field. he stood up properly and waved back with a smile. how cute. i mean-
you shook your head for letting your intrusive thoughts win. recently, youve been noticing how… attractive heeseung has been looking lately. apparently this is the age where you start to become attracted to people? you dunno what your mom was trying to tell you with that. 
the way his arms would swell up with his veins showing whenever he’d pick up a baby lamb. or how his voice became deeper with every grunt with bending down to feed chickens. raking the hay around the big barn and outside. even his face becoming more chiseled and defined, an adam’s apple already formed ready to bob up and down. 
maybe you were just desperate for a form of love? who knows. 
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you woke up the next day to the sound of a rooster. your hair was a wreck in the mirror, but you didnt care. you didnt bother to change out of your pajamas, wearing sweatpants with a big shirt. downstairs, you yawned, “hi dad and mo-“ 
until you stopped in your tracks, only to see heeseung cooking something. it wasnt unnatural for him to be in your home at random times, but seeing him make breakfast for you was a first-time thing. 
he turned his head to look at you, a soft smile cracking out of his face. “your parents had to head out super early for some work stuff, so they called me over late last night to hang out with you.”
your ears were now turning pink, realizing that heeseung was shirtless. his body nicely toned, except he had a really bad farmer’s tan. man, he was hiding a lot under those thick sweaters and tank-tops. he was wearing grey sweats too, hanging a little loosely showing his black underwear line. not only that, but he was sleeping in your home yesterday. you tried to not stare at his chest, clearing your throat and looking around the kitchen. gosh, the universe really must’ve granted one of your dozens of wishes. he chuckled softly while reading your expression. 
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heeseung knew the effect he had on you. when he taught you how to feed the horses, he’d subtly put his hand over yours. or, his lips almost touching yours whenever he leaned over the table to grab his keys. randomly creeping up behind you and grabbing your waist like it’s an everyday thing. he even blew you a dramatic kiss when he had to go out with his parents to the city. a couple weeks later he came back with expensive trinkets for you. matching bracelets, too. he knew he was driving you mad. and he loved every second of it. 
i mean, how could you two even be described as friends? the elders on the farm sitting on the rocking chairs outdoors drinking or knitting while gossiping about you and heeseung.
“i assure you theyre not friends. i bet you my best sheep on it.”
“oh please, theyre just friends!”
“gosh, gerald, look at their bracelets and the way they look at each other.”
you overheard them once — taking their comments into consideration. what were you and heeseung really? normally friendships had boundaries and a line drawn, but this friendship had too much of a squiggly line. too many boundaries have been crossed. he even kissed you on the cheek when you guys were like— 9.  crazy.
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it was now dark, and you were lying down next to heeseung on a pile of hay. you both were currently in your family’s barn, on the top shack looking up to the roof window. the sky was a beautiful grey and black, with little bright stars sprinkling above. and those thoughts were still clouding your mind. does he really like me? what if this is just platonic? maybe he’s just shy… you said to yourself while you fiddled with your “friendship” bracelet. your cat, mittens, was lying down on your chest, heaving up and down with every intake of breath you took. heeseung was holding a brown chicken (please excuse his weirdness), petting it like it was a dog. you let out a chuckle seeing the way he babied it. 
he sighed, and eventually looked around. he hitched his breath, slowly moving closer to you. your bodies now touching, radiating body heat and aching to feel one another. you could feel your head spinning, beginning to feel drunk off the feeling of his warm arm and wooden-scented cologne. 
an awkward silence entered the space for about 10 minutes straight. just the sound of crickets, hay rustling, purring, and the chicken clucking. it was getting pretty late, and your hopes werent going any higher; but were instead dropping. today was an uncomfortable evening, both of you wanting to say something but not knowing what. 
while sitting up slowly you spoke hesitantly, “well, it was nice hanging out with you hee-“
until he grabbed your face. like, full on grabbed and sat up quickly. he looked at your eyes then lips, hastily pulling them in for a kiss. you could feel your heartbeat speeding up and it traveling to your brain. your ears cancelling out any sound, and your mind going blank. after holding out the kiss for a while, he drew back slowly. he rubbed his nape, now looking embarrassed and ashamed. his mind suddenly back in his head. “sorry, y/n. i should’ve- i should’ve spoken or warned you fir-“ 
now you cut him off, the taste of your soft lips lingering once more onto his rough lips. strawberry chapstick. heeseung could feel his eyes trying to roll to the back of his head. he muffled some random words, not knowing where to put his hands. you slowly held his hands, now facing each other. he eventually placed his hands behind your jaw, deepening the kiss. mittens jumped away at this point, there were small and large pieces of hay in your hair and on his shirt, and the chicken was now sitting in a corner watching this romance story unfold. how interesting. it felt ethereal for him. like it was a dream come true. he’s glad he didn’t chicken out now. (pun intended)
after some soft kissing, it eventually escalated. your body becoming hotter, trying to go closer to heeseung’s body. it soon turned into tongue mixing with tongue, teeth knocking on each other, and a couple slight changes in movement. wow, this escalated far. 
you were now in heeseung’s lap, your hands in his hair and his hands roaming your back and waist. after kissing for about 9 minutes, (from just breathing out of your noses), you let go of the kiss. a pop sound was heard from the disconnection of your lips, and you took in heeseung’s appearance. his lips visibly swollen, and no longer chapped. they were stained a pinkish-res, matching the color of your lipgloss you had on earlier. 
your hair was disheveled, and your sweater falling off your shoulder. 
“i like you, hee. wait- no. i think i love you.” you said shyly, turning your face. heeseung just chuckled lightly, and pulled you into a tight embrace. his nose was against your shoulder, his hand patting your back slowly. “i love you, farm boy” (<3), you said with a huff. you began to wrap your legs around his waist, holding onto his neck with both your arms. the moon now showing through the window, and the stars shining brighter than ever. 
“i love you too, country girl.”
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GUYS IM TELLIING YOU I HAD AN IDEA IN MIND. LIKE- HEAVY INTENSE BUILDUP TYPA IDEA… except i got too impatient and just got to the good/important part 💁‍♀️
anyways, tysm for all the love on my enhypen holiday post! i love all you so much<3
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astroyongie · 2 months
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i honestly feel like i was born in the wrong era. either im too old for something or someone or im past the point of being able to achieve something. then when looking at how all these kpop groups are so young yet successful and talented just makes me question why i didnt do something like that.
we didnt have kpop in my school time but why couldnt i have just picked something and stuck with it? on top of it i believe im never going to fit anyones ideal type so whats the point in existing cause no one gonna truly get to know me.
unless i can somehow pass away before im 50 then i dont have to continue to think about all this shit and how i shouldve done better or i shouldve picked such and such a career and i shouldve tried to put myself out there more but in my age theres really nothing out there to seek when its all handed to younger generations.
and i would want to have my own success based on my own effort but have fallen short in so many ways its impossible to not find something i could do about it bc im too far behind and it does get to a point where you think that it is too late bc in order to gain any talent you have to have done it from a young age.
i dont want to rely on someone else to do it for me but i couldnt do it myself due to personal situations. yet i feel like thats an excuse cause once again all these young idols seem to be ro have something about them that makes their life a success. like yes the end inudstry is far from perfect but thats what people have been seeking themselves so it cant all be that bad all the time for them if these groups including older age groups have went out got success and even they get all the benefits of the super rich lifestyle but at the same time money doesnt bring true happiness and it seems a very shallow way they live sometimes, they have a supply and demand contract with their audiences and rely so much on social media which although i use it im not attached to it and i cant relate to obsessing over latest dance trend. i also want to stop the woe is me narrative but its really fucking hard to not feel so ashamed, behind or negative about things.
the most advice people gove is bog standard like if ur bored, go out more but its hard not to feel left out, if ur loney go find someone, if u dont have an income go get a job its literally never that simple. even in education you still have to pay for it as an adult meaning you have to already have a job but even then theres still means of you getting misjudged for your age and classmates have already done that to me before it wasnt that fun. its like saying to someone depressed to go take medicine to take away the feeling.
idk what im doing anymore besides waiting to randomly pass away so i can be done with this shite. sorry for ranting so much but idk who else to speak too bc no one else never seems to understand my frustrations with the way things have panned out.
Comparing yourself to others people archievement is the worst thing you can do. because we are all different, we all go through different shits (just like you rightfully said) and not all of us have the same opportunities presented. beating yourself up for that is a cruel thing to do wishing yourself.
It does also seem like you struggle a lot with self worth, self love and that is probably because never once someone complimented you for the things that you have achieve (to this point were you believe you havent achieved anything).
Love, hatred that you carry is a motivator, and you need to accept one thing. as long as you are breathing nothing is to late to archive, as long as you are here you should be kinder to yourself. because why are you comparing yourself to idols? I often say this here but when was it the last time you appreciated life? when was the last time you went out, stared at the ocean, at the night sky, breathed into a forest, when was the last time you felt a sense of peace? seek that out. dwelling on what we could have been is cruel hun, and not helping you in any kind <3
its okay to rant, dont worry, I hope I dont sound to harsh either, its just that I pains me seeing you guys going through so much suffering when I promise you all, darkness cannot live without light. just find your way back to it, often you dont need a big reason. sometimes the most tiny thing can be a source of happiness, seek yours !
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sixosix · 14 days
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haiii pookie snukums muah muah cherry pie :3 idk i just wanna give thoughts (and maybe recieve some from u too 👉👈) from the new trailer bc im bored and i feel like im being toasted alive... mainit
FREMI💀 no bc he looks like he can be blown away from a lil breeze. like a sneeze can turn him into dust💀 BUT BRO BLOCKED A WHOLE ASS HIT FROM ARLECCHINO WHILE ALSO HOLDING LIKE A 30 KILO CLAYMORE💥 HOW BUFF IS HEEEEE😭 (lyney at the side like a damsel)
speaking of lyney,,,,i saw somewhere, idk if its canon or not, but i read that lyney is canonically weak. not weak as in "cannot fight", more like, "brains over brawn" type of weak. his main strength comes from his big fat brain and i think thats hot (lyney as brains, thawed!mc as brawns. an unstoppable duo if i do say so myself)
Im just gonna say, arlecchino DID NOT MISS❗❗ when she chose lyney as the successor. bc think about it, the house's main objective is to adopt kids to make them into soldiers(or other stuff). so why are the children not doing anything about it? because they are blinded by father's "love". they've been provided a home and a family that they can love, ofc theyre going to do whatever they can to repay her kindness. i say "blinded by love" bc its most probably not genuine. arlecchino will only do things if it benefits her. so, in short, the children are being decieved into loyalty and submission.
and what is one of lyney's biggest/ most prominent trait? being able to decieve others very easily. he's a magician ffs😭😭 (this is probably why thawed!mc is hesitant/ doesnt believe him whenever he does something bc she knows that its probably not genuine. and bc of this, they're both miserable.💀)
like, he may not be physically strong, but that brain and charisma can bring you to your end in a snap. and that hot.
i only heard childe's voice but i feel like he's important to the lore. my manz been to 3 countries, and hes hasnt retrieve a single (1) gnosis😭 pack up boy ur no harbinger all u do is look pretty and get your ass handed to u THRICE😭 (i love him tho muah)
WIDNTRACE omg windtrce FINALLYY😭😭uueuedhhsuwh
ur so cool bc i just saw the ask asking if theres thawed update tmrw, and ur gonna do RESEARCH???? this is why i love u. marry me. pookie idc how long it takes, everything u write is so delicious. quality over quantity is so real ily. and i dont want thawed to end so soon....
i think thats all of my brain barf today. congrats again on 5k!!! ily muah♥️
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HI AKAAGIIIII i did. i did see. i watched it from zy0xs livestream. first of all, ARLECCHINO IS SOOO COOL her presence… unmatched….. the lore ?! im so excited as a player and as a thawed writer!!!!
I KNOW FREMINET WAS INSANE THERE HAHAHAH the way he didnt fall back.. King. king behavior. LYNEY TOOOO HELLOOO THE LORE BOMBBB the throwback to him being chosen as the next King AAAAAA my brain was going overdrive (thawed!mc being brawns shes so stupid i love her)
and yes!! your thoughts on lyney and arlecchino are so true. arlecchino picking lyney makes sense in her perspective but the fact that lyney doesnt want to do it says so much about his character! lyney is such a well written character im so in love
i was so surprised to hear childes voice i was like oh gosh the thawed is writing itself?????
AND YESSS RESEARCH AAA i rlly rlly want to wait and see what the House lore is all about before i write thawed because i think i could really use it. not only for ideas but for keeping it feel like it could easily be an actual genshin quest.. TY AHAHHAA ILY TOO we shall have a spring wedding, like taht post about artists asking permission to draw fanart from writers (thats me)
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I cant believe your're the only person ive seen talking abt wylan being played as autistic in the show? Thats immediately how it read to me and im surprised more ppl didnt pick up on that? I honestly never read him as autistic in the books, but i think it was a genius acting decision to portray a lot of his wide eyed/"nervous" moments as autistic traits instead of "uwu soft blushy boy" moments? Like, wylan is so often woobified by fandom, but jack wolfe was having NONE of that! He was so full of agency and spark right from the get go, while still very in character. And idk i think the autistic take helped make that agency come across better in a way? Like, he doesnt come off as "uwu innocent baby", he just comes of as an autistic dude? If that makes any sense? And like, yeah hes a bit out of his depth but he also knows what he wants and gets it, and has both soft and badass moments and obviously hes cute but still gives as good as he gets and like? Idk he was just brilliantly played and i loved jack wolfes take on him, ngl its probably my favorite version of wylan now
thank you anon for just spitting straight facts, like I know autistic, i am autistic, my friends and family are mostly autistic and there were SO MANY little characteristics that had me going like ...... i would act that way if I didnt have to mask all the time
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pbelfz · 10 months
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PB OMGGGG?!?!?! i’ve been so obsessed with tto lately and oh my gosh the most recent chapter was AMAZING!! i’m so excited to see where the story goes from here!
there’s one thing i cannot for the life of me shake out of my head whenever i read it: how deku and katsuki treat y/n,,, sort of like a /daughter/. ik it’s a bit strange and i could definitely be reading into things differently because of past experiences but omg especially in chapter 14 with katsuki’s whole “family meeting” and whenever deku says something like “sweetie” i just keep thinking “wow they’re like like y/n’s dads!” …except the two of them have a relationship and sex with her LOL. it’s so strange but so fascinating their dynamic.! i just can’t shake the thought of maybe deku n katsuki taking her in to help their relationship in the same way some couples think having a child will save their relationship :/
also in a previous chapter where deku picked y/n up after she went drinking and he told her to keep track of how many drinks she has reminded me of how maybe a parent would want to raise their child to be different from themselves/another parent (katsuki in this case because of his drinking problemo). it was giving very much father-figure attitude.
and just the way y/n’s person is sort of like an afterthought to them (especially in chapter 14), sort of like a baby to a parent; as in, like, the baby is just an extension of the parents and it’s the parents deciding every aspect of the baby’s life. except with babies, it makes sense lol because they’re literally babies. but y/n is an adult which makes the dynamic a bit unhealthy.
idk i could definitely be reading into this weirdly but i just thought it was interesting. love your work sm!! ty for blessing us with your writing, pb <3 hope you have a good rest of your week!!
(same anon who had the whole fathers-daughter analogy for to's katsuki/izuku/y/n dynamic btw) ALSO I WAS SO IRRITATED WITH IZUKU THIS CHAPTER BECAUSE HE DIDNT APOLOGIZE UGH. so excited but also scared for what the trio's future holds like from the beginning the unhealthy traits the characters have were there and i'm not sure what to expect.
Mhmmm! They are her sugar “daddies” after all.
You bring up so many great points, and it gives such an ill, pitted feeling in your stomach when you realize they’re completely aware of how they treat (Y/n). We’ve seen in this most recent chapter that, while Izuku is more vocal, Katsuki is not innocent either. How much puppeteering is being done behind the scenes?
I think a few readers have wondered Izuku and Katsuki’s motivations for not wanting (Y/n) to drink, and Izuku getting upset with her when she didn’t know how much she drank. Comparing Chapter 14 to Chapter 13, (Y/n) drinks alcohol with them at dinner, and there is no problem, Izuku even jokingly “allows” her to, so why is it such a problem if she drinks when she’s out with her friends?
The issue is about control.
There are a lot of issues about control in this relationship. Keep your eyes open for some other examples.
And yes! Izuku didn’t apologize! What do you think that could mean? Apologies often symbolize remorse. Hmm.
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spiteless-xo · 6 months
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TIFF
Omg. Thank you so much for TBAW.
I had the best time. And the tuesday group chats with @shepnicolo and @theragethatisdesire just made it even better.
I really enjoyed the story and the way you planted hints all along was amazing. I haven’t figured out yet what the one big hint was that you said you put in, but hopefully i will catch it while rereading. And i will reread. I might never have the words to properly express how much i admire your writing, but i do. I do so much. I cannot fathom how you mamnged to write 300k words and had the restrin to post it chapter by chapter, every week. But thank you.
Now that it’s over: I remember you mentioned in an ask that TBAW was inspired by a book series from the 2000s that you didn’t want to name because you thought it might spoil the ending. Can you tell me what series you meant? I have been dying to know ever since then.
!!! oh my god that’s so adorable i didnt know you guys had a lil group chat 😭🥰 that’s so cute
i’m glad you enjoyed it and good luck!! 🙊
ok, and this is going to sound so unhinged but BARE WITH ME!! the book series that inspired tbaw was……….. THE HUNGER GAMES
ok so. the thing that i like the most about thg’s love triangle is that it really isn’t a love triangle. each boy kinda represents a choice/path that katniss can make, where gale represents kinda staying in that same cycle of war and peeta represents change and peace. so katniss can’t be with gale if she wants peace and vise versa so whoever she “picks” ultimately is the person that represents how she wants her life/future to look.
and i really liked that!! so i wanted to incorporate that into tbaw. we can see now that it’s finished that eren represented change and forgiveness where jean is like “doing what you’re expected to do and life is inevitable so there’s no point trying to change”?? i feel like there’s a more concise word to use to explain that but it’s escaping me atm
reader has always been about change and forgiveness because that’s exactly how she treats jean. she’s constantly trying to change the dynamic of their relationship and forgiving him for not measuring up because she thinks he can change and be better.
but then, at the same time, she treats eren based on jean’s mindset. like oh, he’s just a fuckboy so all he wants is sex. he said we’re fuck buddies and doesn’t do relationships so i’m not even gonna CONSIDER that thought. so even though eren is actively changing in front of her, she’s stuck on that thought that “eren is who he is and he’ll never change”.
it’s only after she leaves and has the chance to think for herself that she realizes that what she’s looking for in jean (and how she ultimately wants to live her life) is what eren has always given her.
i hope that makes sense?? i was so scared of revealing that The Hunger Games inspired tbaw because i feel like eren really FEELS like peeta and jean FEELS like gale and i thought it would give away the ending but idk if that’s just my perception as the author.
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