#idk how i feel about weed/thc

[a-lil-strawberry]

My brother vapes THC nearly every night, and usually I don't see any big difference in him. He's just kinda chill. But tonight I went downstairs and offered him this bag of cookies I had bought that I didn't care for, although all I said was "do you want this?" and he turned and immediately said "yes" before barely looking at them, and his eyes were red lol. He always asks with much skepticism whenever I offer him food. This man caught a glimpse of a bag of something during his weed munchies and was delighted lol. I get it. I devoured a tin of cookies very similar to these once or twice when I was high. Suddenly it was like it was the best thing I'd ever eaten

[paper-mario-wiki]

my experience with weed has been one (1) singular edible at a college party but ever since seeing stuff about weed has made me feel a little bit anxious (even though my experience with that edible was good and if given the opportunity i would get high again? idk). i was just wondering if you have any advice about getting rid of that knot of anxiety in my chest around weed? because i really don't want to stigmatize it for myself. (weirdly enough i've been around people who've done coke and i don't feel anxious about that. it's literally only weed and mentions of drug use that don't mention the drug)

Recognizing that your fear stems from a singular event is a pretty solid starting point.

Try to break down exactly what about what you experienced made you uncomfortable. Did your senses become too sensitive? Did you not like that your thinking faculties were clouded, so you weren't in full control of yourself? Or maybe it was the party itself that made you anxious. Or maybe the edible was poorly cooked and there was a way higher dosage than a beginner should have taken, or it gave you food poisoning if it was something like a baked good made using bad eggs.

Whatever it is, try to pinpoint the exact reason you distinctly remember disliking the experience. And then, think about how you could control those variables should you ever want to choose to experience weed again.

Like, you can only remember weed in the periphery of your memory. Of course you're scared of it, you can't control the fact that it freaked you out once, and you'll never be able to not have been freaked out by it. The only way to curb its power is to reconcile with it in the present to form new experiences where it doesn't and can't hurt you.

That doesn't mean ya gotta smoke some, but like. Maybe read a wikipedia article about how crossbreeding strains of weed works. Like, how they get the different flavors. Did you know that turpenes, the little crystals that are on the weed, can mimic any flavor profile? It's true!

Or you COULD smoke weed! You could go to your local dispensary and ask the budtender "Hey, I'd like a preroll that's got a really low THC content, something that'll get me a little high but I'm still in control", and that'll get you something really easygoing! And the best part? You don't even have to smoke it! You can just like. Smell it. And look at it. Or like, unravel it and look at the weed. Or you can just flush it down the toilet!

Ah fuck I just reinvented exposure therapy. Fuck my bad.

Anyway, the point is weed is awesome and you'll be cooler if you smoke it.

[frenchfrywrites]

would you ever write weed headcanons for the twst 3rd years like you did for the obey me cast?

Getting high/high hcs for the twst 3rd years

Cater

He loves to smoke a blunt

He has a huge collection of cute and pink and pretty roach clips

He can do a couple of smoke tricks (he thinks he looks so cool 🙄)

He gets high often. 

Well as often as one can when your housewarden is riddle lol

Speaking of housewardens, he sneaks off and smokes with others outside (due to riddle and rules)

(finds himself hanging with Che’nya, Lilia, Kalim, and surprisingly malleus most often me thinks)

He’s a total social smoker, and is so fun to be around

If he's alone he'll sometimes he’ll bring out a clone to help him with something that he wants

And then he forgets why he did that and just ends up hanging out with himself lol

Trey

I’m tempted to say he doesn’t get high, and is the sober bestie

BUT! I can also see him being into edibles

He could make his own :)

And they taste soooo good

He’s very smart about his edibles too

You could never catch him taking more because it hasn’t hit

Always stacks up on munchies too

Because oooh man eats his weight in snacks and drinks while high

He’s not terribly giggly, but he gets all dopey and lost in thought

You’ll look over and he’s just smiling looking at you- completely lovestruck hehe

Leona

All he needs is catnip hehe

Kidding!! 

Unless…

No fr I’m kidding, he has big bong energy to me

I mean I can see him dabbling a bit in everything

But to me he has intricate very fun and swagful bongs

And he doesn’t get high too often

So that every time that he does get high, he feels it 10x more

I think he could get SO giggly

He’s so playful and joyful :) you can tell when he is(n’t) high due to how bitchy he is

Rook

He likes shrooms <3

Either that or he’s the sober friend

Idk he seems like he would love hanging around with people who are high

He’ll mess with them a little bit

But mostly he’s a good sober friend!

He’ll take care of you and listen to insane ramblings and enable said insane rambling

He just wants to have a silly fun time :) 

But yeah when/if he does shrooms he usually microdoses just to have a bit of euphoria and delight

If he does a big trip he does it alone and is well prepared

Vil

I don’t think he gets high too often

But he certainly indulges from time to time

I see him doing edibles to preserve the quality of his lungs

Okay.. yall know the drinks with thc? I can see him fucking those uppp

He pops open a can and pours it into a fancy glass teehee

He’ll watch a movie and think that he understands literally everything about it… the nuance.. The depth 

Meanwhile he is just so far gone that he’s usually pulling something from nothing

He does NOT get high socially

If anyone asks, he’s never gotten high in his life!!!

Idia

He’s only ever taken a hit or two off of Cater’s blunt 

(partly to get out of the social situation, partly to try it out)

He didn’t think that he got high, but he was gone

That being said, he wants to try getting high more often, but he’s too shy to figure out who to ask for it

When he gets high with you it hits him quick and hard

He still insists that he's not feeling anything

Very silly guy and finally relaxed and at peace

maybe if he does enough he'll finally admit it's effecting him, but as long as you're there he's not freaked out at all

Malleus

Has also taken a hit off of Cater’s blunt

It did not get him high 💔

Idk his dragon fae ass has some weird shit going on and he needs powerful wizard weed to get any meaningful high

That being said, he’s gotten high a couple of times in his life

He likes it a lot and wishes he could do it more often

It relaxes him soo deeply

He gets all sluggish and cuddly and cute

It’s a damn shame he doesn’t get high more often 

Lilia

He’ll take anything and everything!!

He loves getting high and has done just about anything and loves it all

I can see him being someone who gets high with others, but he also has fun by himself :) 

He gets sooo giggly

You might not see him but you’ll hear fufufu coming from somewhere lol

When he does decide to show himself, he rambles on and on about anything that comes to mind

And boy does a lot come to mind

You might not be able to follow his trail of thought lol! It’s all over the place

[tourniqitty]

i think the worst thing, like for me specifically, when it comes to weed, is that there are actual health benefits i could reap from it but it has also become a bad habit, as in i could start chain smoking again

i haven't had any to roll for i think a year and a half now and i've been fine, i get cravings every now and then but i'm fine ya know i can deal with it thankfully

the part where it gets terrible is when my i'm having pain flare ups that last weeks which leads to a fatigue which i then have to recover from for a few weeks and i just have to hope that i don't have more bad pain days during that which would prolong it. regular otc pain medication doesn't put a dent into how i'm feeling, but i would take a few puffs and i'd be good for most of the day, idk what it is about thc specifically but its the only thing that could ever consistently alleviate my pain and could also help me get a good night's rest

[weirdmageddon]

you aren't in canada by chance? because i do have some experience ordering online in canada. As far as strains go, it's probably going to be more of personal preferences, other than the classic indica v sativa divide. As far as dosing goes, what was the dosage on your 1:1 gummies, and how did you enjoy them?

no i’m not in canada i’m in florida

i dont have 1:1 gummies, i never tried 1:1 THC-CBD

my edible experience has exclusively been

1.) gummies from nicks nugs (10mg Δ9 THC & 75mg CBD per gummy) though i cut it into quarters and dose based on vibes, never really a full gummy at a time. that ratio is 1:7.5, not 1:1. im not sure if it’s indica, sativa, or hybrid but i assume it’s primarily indica? they were from my friend and she uses them to sleep so i assume it’s primarily indica. but dosing wise i usually go for half to three quarters of a gummy with these parameters. half a gummy is 5mg THC & 37.5mg CBD. three quarters is 7.5mg THC & 56.25mg CBD.

2.) my neighbor also let me try a indica-sativa hybrid 5mg Δ9 THC cookie with no CBD and i liked the feel i got from it a lot. it felt new, like when i got high for the first time and my endocannabinoid receptors were THC virgins. it was more uplifting, i suppose with the greater bit of sativa mix in there. CBD seems to dampen or mediate the effects of THC so it also felt stronger than half a gummy (5mg) of nick’s nugs but it was good.

but the thing is i dont wanna take weed to go to sleep, but the friend who gave me them is very energetic and they help sedate her, and those nick’s nugs make me sleepy. i suppose finding the right strain for me is about figuring out what i like or want out of the high?

i like:

the sensory component of THC

having 60 fps interpolation for my sensory neurons and proprioception. the way music sounds, the way things look like they’re in 4K on my phone when im under the blanket

associative mental activity with physical relaxation

the infectious “2am at a sleepover” type of giggles

mild tactile hallucinations / hug feeling at higher doses

enhanced pareidolia

probably more i cant think of

i could do without:

being couchlocked

having munchies since im trying to lose weight (but i often fall asleep before i can even eat anything with nick’s nugs lol)

the next day “hangover” (sleepiness) where i’m not as alert

idk what concoction of terpenes would be for me

[rabiesofficial]

How did you get into weed, any advice on how to get into it ?

Part of it is gonna be on whether you live on a legal area or not. I live in an area where I can have it delivered to me so it’s super easy. If you live somewhere where you need a plug, idk if you want take that risk.

I would also not recommend smoking if you’re a minor or easily hooked onto things. Weed won’t have you overdosing on the floor or anything, but it’s bad for the developing brain + may be psychologically hard to kick for some people.

Apart from that I just started buying like, a gram at a time and using those little one hitters you can get for like, $5 at a smoke shop. I use a bong now because It’s less harsh on my lungs, you could probably get a 6” one for $20-$25 online [+ shipping) but my preference is closer to a 10” bong so that you don’t burn your hair or eyebrows tryna light your weed lol. Imo do NOT get ice catchers/honey comb ice catchers in your bong. Just makes it harder to clean + cold air (ice/water) actually makes the tips harsher and you’re more likely to cough. When you breathe in you’re inhaling slow/med-slow speed. If you go too fast you’ll cough. Take smaller hits to start, if your hit is too big you’ll cough. Once you have your small hit, try to inhale it into your lungs, the way I’ve seen it described is imagine someone just walked in on you smoking and you gasped/inhaled in shock lol. Then hold it for 7 seconds max, that’s just flexing at that point. Tbh 3 seconds is probably good but y’know :3

Some people are gonna be wayyyy sensitive to weed and some not at all. I knew someone who could only smoke indicas (downer) because sativas (upper strains) and hybrids (mixed lol) would freak her out. Tbh edibles are a great and awful way to get started. My suggestion if you want to start with edibles is buy one that is in 5 mg doses (most packages have 100 mgs total so that’s like, 20 gummies). The standard dosage is 10mg, for a beginner I’d say go with 5 mg. If you’re terrible unlucky like me it won’t hit you at all no matter what dosage you take. If you’re even more unlucky, you’ll eat too much + have it hit you and have the worst weed experience of your life. Edibles last longer than smoking because of the way your body processes it, so eat your dosage (5mg-10mg depending on when you want to start) and wait about an hour to two hours. If it doesn’t hit eat another small dosage. I’m serious you don’t want to eat too much, you’ll end up throwing up and having an awful time. If you’re paranoid, have pure CBD gummies around. CBD counteracts some of the too high feeling of thc, it’ll just make you suuuuuper relaxed you might end up napping. I think this is all I remember for now 🤔 lmk if you have more questions

[oceanlandworld]

how it feels to hit the dry herb vape #weed #drugs idk if that method still works for filtering posts but i dont want to put my posts in the Weed Tag u feel. also i keep thinking about that poll of weed consumption methods and how most people on this site who use thc use primarily edibles which makes sense but also i dont typically like edibles that much compared to vaping or smoking..... also whyy do so many people primarily or exclusively smoke from paper i stg get some glass.... you will understand the distinctions between strains if you smoke out of glass or get a dry herb vape..... Blease ok good night everybody

[willsweedwords]

something i like about weed is that it like... slows my brain down and quiets the noise so i can just live in the moment - whatever that moment might be

for example: tonight, before getting in the bath, i washed my hands and thought "oh, i should brush my teeth". now, normally, what would follow is something of an.. idk... anxiety spiral? anyway, my entire world would stop as i calculated the likelihood that i was able to eat later vs how (physically) shitty i would feel if I had to go to bed without brushing my teeth - because what if i was too tired to brush my teeth again and i didn't want to get up? vs how (mentally) shitty i would feel if i sabotaged an opportunity to feed myself later by presenting the easy distraction of "i already brushed my teeth" vs the ingrained Way Things Work that has been wired into my (im beginning to realize is maybe ND in different ways than i thought it was?) ((discovering new things every day!)) ) brain, which in this particular instance is: food - brush teeth/wash face (the order of those two can change) - lay down - sleep.

but! instead! i got as far as "but what if I get hungry later", and my THC-relaxed brain was just like "cool, that'd be great" and *MOVED ON*

it was not until about 45 min later while soaking in the bath that i even realized how differently things had gone

^_^ so just like, yeah

it's really... really nice, that's all.

okay, time for lay down and bed, goodnight folks

[bengeskosmokes]

Vanilla Taffiez

Definitely not the first strain I've tried, but it is the most recent, and what I've recently used, so first review it is!

(Disclaimer: Vanilla Taffiez is a rather new strain, so not much is known. I will update with relevant info/links as I get them)

Vanilla Taffiez is grown by SOL, and processed by Entourage Cannabis. (I reached out to them to inquire about the strain's genetics.)

Indica Dominant Hybrid, genetics (currently) unknown.

THC: 69.90% (nice)

CBD: 0.13%

Terps: 12.78%

beta Myrcene: 3.369%

beta Caryophyllene: 2.555%

Limonene: 1.923%

Total Cannabinoids:

THC: 69.90%

CBG: 1.56%

THCV: 0.32%

Smell: I use a smoke buddy, so the smell is minimal, I only exhaled a little to get the smell without irritating the neighbors.

The smell is less skunky/piney, and actually smells like hay when it's almost dry and has that grassy, sweet musky smell. It's actually quite pleasant.

Taste: On the inhale, it tastes like it smells, and on the exhale there is hints of something sweet like frosting, and little bits of citrus. It's not bad but it is odd because the aftertaste is a mix of both inhale/exhale so there's a juxtaposition of WET HAY and limonene frosting.

The High:

The high starts in the head and radiates out and down, and leaves a pleasant buzz in its wake. Limbs feel floaty, head feels blissfully empty, and after an hour, if a task is picked up, focus is very intense, and there are no errant or random thoughts.

Multitasked by drawing and watching a show- and did not bounce around to other things, like switching to a new tab, or scrolling media. Just drew, and half watched the show, and retained it/was able to follow the plot, because I could actively focus on two things at once. Only get that with Vyvanse, so I definitely enjoy this high.

Was also very calm, content, and VERY easily amused to the point of wheezing from laughter. Good mood booster.

Also made Gino like 30000000000000% times cuter, idk how that's possible, or maybe the weed lets me glimpse the true reality of how cute he really is.

9/10 for the high- knocked one off because it did chair lock me, and I forgot to pee for like 5 hours.

The physical:

Was very surprised by this one. Almost every strain I've tried end up giving me a stuffy nose, which results in dry mouth. This one did that around the time I took the hit, but quickly faded after 20 minutes or so.

Eyes were a bit itchy, a bit dry, but I'm experienced enough (especially with hEDS) to put in a drop of artificial tears in each eye before taking the hit, so the itchy/dryness was minimal.

(Also, will sound weird, but rubbing a very thin layer of cocoa butter on your eyelids beforehand helps, too.)

Did not give me the munchies, but it DID make my cheap ass mac and cheese taste like heaven.

7/10 for the physical.

Pain:

Brings my pain to a level where I can easily ignore it in favor of the focus it gives me on whatever task I'm doing.

Migraine remains to be seen, but it DID chase off the lingering tension headache that followed a five day migraine I recently got over, so I already am loading it into my arsenal of migraine remedies.

Despite being an Indica dominant, it didn't make me drowsy, just chair locked, which I didn't mind, except for the fact that I didn't notice I needed to pee for five hours.

6/10 for pain.

Overall rating: 7/10!

[nathank77]

6/4/24

12:48 a.m

I'm trying to remain unbiased on the white mulberries. Idk. For one I'm going to 4 pills aka 2000mg next week assuming I don't get side effects.

I feel like it's worse right now. I mean okay, is it more intelligent, louder or more creative? Nope.. but it's more repetitive. It's always repetitive... but I feel like it can chant more effectively... idk. I got to give it a little more time but i may return it and stick to the brand I know. I can get it on Amazon for around the same price.

I always have to think my voice is the auditory hallucination.. but I feel it's worked better on the other one. Idk. I'm trying to give it time.

All I know is I got enough sleep. I took them within 24 hours. And I haven't smoked any weed still. Although I'm probably going to smoke weed tomorrow with a red bull day.

I'm bored/have a low mood everyday until I see how thin I am. i dont want to stop smoking pot permanently tbh i want it so bad right now it's taking everything in me to not smoke it. And Idk why I even want it that bad right now what makes today different than any other day..

Cbd feels like taking a suger pill. I mean I feel nothing when I take it. Idk if I'm getting my medical card or not. All I know is my thc vapes expire in August and I don't want to lose 160$ and once August hits I won't have any weed.

Idk what to do. I'm going to reserve judgemental on the white mulberries and take them for about 5-7 days and see if everything stays the same. Technically if we are being real, businesses can't sell something fake. But yea.

Throwing in weed won't help me judge this supplement fairly... but if I find it's the same quality- I'll keep it. I won't smoke everyday all day long. If I find it to be lower quality- I'll return it and would have gotten almost a weeks worth of white mulberries for "free." So it's a win-win either way. Then I can return it and resume the original bottle and purchase the same brand from Amazon.

[finsterhund]

Damn so even though it made my mental health so much more better yesterday I am not going to make a habit of that and will seriously reconsider before doing it again. I'm pretty sure I burned through my entire government tax return thing yesterday and I have no real memory of doing so.

It was one big Andy indulgence. Literally had three meals, treated myself, had fun. Spent my money on me and felt no guilt about it. Listened to music and enjoyed. It wasn't all positive either. I listened to music that reminded me of Cazza and I cried and cried and cried also but it didn't physically drain me like normal. It felt healthy.

Ideally in the future I won't be taking medicine I use exclusively for pain once every couple weeks on an empty stomach again so I'll be trying to avoid this and I know in the future not to have it happen on accident. I'm more so still shocked there's a way for me to actually get high from it. I didn't think I could because of how PTSD has wired those neurotransmitters.

Still I do feel guilty now. Because I intentionally did it yesterday after it being an accident the day before. People smoke and drink for pleasure all the time I don't know why I have to be the one to feel guilty for a tiny amount of THC in my CBD gummy but then again my brain defaults to thinking I'm wrong somehow. I'm so adverse to drugs dictating my life but I need to remember I am already reliant on drugs. I literally take antipsychotics every morning and shit to help me sleep every night. And before the CBD I was taking double the daily recommended amount of alieve which I'm pretty sure is worse way worse.

But yeah. Someone needs to be the responsible one so I need to be a good boy and not do drugs haha. So it's in my best interest to have full tummy always.

Now I'm wondering with some research if this couldn't be an actual working cure for PTSD. I didn't think that was possible until now. Thought only cognitive behavioral therapy would have any real result but yesterday my fight and flight and my psychosis were practically nonexistent. Maybe not accurate but that's how it felt. I did not feel afraid. I did not feel violent. I did not feel shame or guilt or trapped or in pain.

The pain relief effects were stronger too?

Anyways next doctor appointment I'll be talking about it. I know I am at a heightened risk of addiction but I've been good about it now and this was better for me than all the liver killing paid meds I use regularly.

Maybe if I actually got it as a prescription I wouldn't feel guilty about it? But idk. I guess I'm back to normal today because I'm feeling guilty about it. I shouldn't feel guilty about it though when there's literally people who drink alcohol and how normal alcohol is and that is so much worse than weed.

[horce-divorce]

So it turns out I DO like edibles? I just have to find, for example, chocolate with a 1:1 thc:cbd ratio, and then eat the entire bar for it to work :) LMAO

[custom-emojis]

heyyyy,,,, idk if you're up for talking about drugs rn but I'm making and eating edibles with a friend soon. have you ever had edibles and are they any different than smoking? (theyre gonna be brownies if that changes anything)

Yeah totes. I’ve had plenty of edibles. If you’re making your own try your best to measure out accurately so you don’t like. Put too much. Also unless you’re using dispensary bought THC oil, expect it to kinda taste like weed. It tastes funky so I strongly recommend brownies bc it masks the flavour. If not brownies than peanut butter cookies for same reasons.

Do not eat a full one off the bat

It’s better to eat a quarter or half (depending how big they are) and then wait 30 mins to an hour. If you still feel nothing you can eat the rest.

As for what it does for you, yeah it’s a lot different than smoking. Smoking gives you a ‘head high’ while edibles give you a ‘body high’. A body high is more likely to make your body feel heavy or numb and like jelly. It’s a good time! Good luck with you and your friend and I hope it goes well!

[dread-and-despair-dyke]

Hey I saw what you said about vision changes etc w weed. Those symptoms sound like an ocular migraine (which i have had, im not playing internet diagnosis here). Odours, particles in the air, stress, what you've eaten recently, all environmental factors play a part in triggering them. You could try going off weed for a couple of weeks, cleaning your house, then smoking in a stress free environment to see if anything changes. Or don't its your life idc

oh, yeah i get migraines very badly (not so bad now bc im on pizotifen for it), ive never had the flashing and vignette effect when i get them though? or the overheating... idk they cld still be connected but also my head doesnt hurt when i smoke . so i dont think its migraine related . howeverrrr a lot of mental problems run in both sides of my family , and i only feel these effects when consuming things with thc in them (smoking cigs or weed low in thc is fine for me), so i worry that its the thc fucking with my brain. also with the overheating i guess thats just increased heart rate, but i think it shldnt increase so much that the heat feels painful..

unrelated one time when i was on shrooms i thought i was madotsuki , bc everything looked like black and white checkered tiles.... but that isnt even how it looks in the game smh, thats just kind of what the little image on her shirt looks like. also i thought my hoodie looked pink . im rambling rn i just woke up from some weird dreams i guess

[h-r-tea]

It's later than I should be up the night before a big day, but I'm anxious and can't sleep.

Tomorrow is supposed to be the day I get my very first testosterone shot.

My trans nonbinary journey began last year with 3.5 months on low-dose androgel. I stopped for the following reasons:

1. Instead of ceasing, my periods got much much worse. For the past year I have been getting 1-2 heavy periods per month and significant PMDD. Beyond this, my emotions are insanely out of control because my body and mind want to reject the hormonal surges. It has been awful.

2. I gained 25lbs on T. Even though I was working out 5-6 days a week. Back then I was not observing my own nutrition well and craved/ate anything at any time. With my microdosed gel, the only changes I observed were a massive appetite and serious libido increase. This wasn't the androgyny I wanted and I mistakenly blamed T for my own lack of self control

3. I was seriously high on cannabis from the moment I woke up to when I slept. Every day. High THC medical dabs. I am an asthmatic so this seriously fucked with my body. And it gave me serious social issues- I was forgetful, I was too anxious to accept phone calls (even from my pharmacy which caused T supply issues) and the goddam munchies man.

4. My wife. She wasn't keen on my transition in the first place and is just now starting to accept my name and pronouns even though I came out as nonbinary years ago. It has been a struggle. She still doesn't want many of the changes I face with T and was the one who encouraged me to stop taking androgel.

I did not stop because I wanted to give up on my transition, I just knew I needed time to work on myself. I wanted to move to a higher dose. I was ready for injections. Given my breathing condition and fear of covid, you could say I've had plenty of time to work on myself past 11 months off T. I have been quarantined for literally years. In preparation for tomorrow I have:

1. Gotten the hang of diet, nutrition, and exercise. I safely and slowly entered into a caloric deficit over the past few months. I am now in the best shape of my life and know how to maintain it. I would like to see more muscle growth and other changes on T, but have learned to stay lean and strong.

2. I quit smoking weed. The day after Christmas (32 days ago) It was hard. I lost a friend and a family member recently and did not relapse. I have not smoked in 2022 and am so proud. I quit drinking alcohol 4 years ago and can now proudly say I am 100% sober. I am learning not to repress my trauma through drug use. I took a THC pee test and passed. I enjoy the clarity I get from sobriety, and I am less and less tempted each day. I wanted to do T right so I can accurately monitor my changes and communicate better about it with others.

3. I have educated my wife and she is starting to understand more who I am and her acceptance, though slow, is progressing. I am proud of her for sticking around.

I am so ready for this. I have wanted it for 4 years now... tonight feels like the night before a Christmas where I'm getting everything I ever wanted.

I cut and dyed my hair, got my clothes ready, thought about this nonstop for the past month since making the appointment. It's all I can think about.

They actually made me wait a long time to get on T at first and my biggest anxiety/concern is that they will not give me an injection tomorrow. I know what I want: 50MG every other week. I am not afraid of needles, I tattoo myself. I just need them to write the script, show me how to use the needle, and I'm good to go. But if they tell me I have to wait for more blood panels or therapists or anything else idk dude it would make me so sad and angry.

Tomorrow. 8am. I hope this goes well.

[idkmynameiskat]

Long vent ahead: mainly about parents and childhood trauma- would suggest scrolling by if that’s a trigger.

It’s such a weird thing to see your parents change into the people you wish they would have been for you when you were younger. It’s such a bittersweet but painful feeling.

My dad seriously joked about wishing his gift was weed today (he thought the box said THC) and instead of laughing like everyone else did a memory instantly replayed in my head of when he slammed on his breaks in the middle of a road and quite literally kicked me out of his car (into the middle of the road) while threatening to press charges/call the cops on me because he insisted I just smoked and was high and then proceeded to make me walk home. I was 100% sober.

They are better people now for the most part and I know they regret some of the things they did (they completely changed up their parenting style with my little sister after me). The fact that my mental health and their shit parenting is all swept under the rug and I’m expected to be a “normal”part of the family is such an odd feeling when I’ve never once been apologized to for everything they put me, and only me through.

This felt really good to type out. Idk why the last few months have really made me realize how much unresolved childhood trauma I have and I think venting it out on here hopefully might help get some of that frustration out.