#idk i just. how are we supposed to root for them when we know NOTHING about her or them as a couple

[slightlyobsessedwitheverything]

it’s still wild to me that in between marisol’s first major appearance (at which time, she did not even have a name, nor was she being set up as a love interest) and her second major appearance (i will repeat. her second major appearance. which was her MOVING IN WITH EDDIE), she had just over 2 minutes total screentime

TWO MINUTES TOTAL. and they moved her in with eddie. wild

[updownlately]

if you’re gonna waste my time (let’s waste it right)

| leah williamson x reader | hurt/comfort | 3.3k | disclaimer: mentions of anxiety, self loathing, negative thoughts, and depression -this delves into some slightly heavy topics so please read at your own discretion! | a/n: got this ask a while back and an idea struck to me while driving! first fic in a while that i've written in one sitting so let's see how this goes! honestly started off really strong but then idk where we went. anyways, not proofread as usual, but happy reading! take care amigos! and just know that each of you are loved, cared for, and cherished by those around you, even if you don't know it! 🫶

~~~

Fight, flight, or freeze.

They say that every human has these three survival instincts built in.

Instincts meant to protect, to escape, but most importantly, to survive. 

Responses meant to make sure that one would make it out of harm’s way, preferably unscathed. 

Fight, the mechanism that evoked adrenaline. That helped you battle your way through the toughest of encounters. 

That did its best to make sure you were well equipped to tackle any scuffle, minor or major, to the best of your ability.

Flight, the mechanism that helped you run- escape before you couldn’t anymore. 

The one that ensured that you got out before you could be attacked- before you could be hurt.

And then of course, freeze. 

Rooted to your spot, immobile as harm directed itself towards you, one only praying that you could be so still that harm skipped right past you, practically avoiding you as you let it pass. 

Freeze, that left you with a pounding heart, blood rushing in your ears.

Freeze that meant you couldn’t move, body rigid, feet planted, mind stopped in time.

Freeze that kept you stuck. stuck in an endless loop of agony, of shaky breaths, of paralyzing fear.

Freeze, considered the weakest of the three. 

So as you stood there, eyes wide, muscles tense, body frozen, you cursed your mind and body with all that you could, wondering why of the three instincts, freeze was what you had done in order to try and survive.

~~~

There’s something terrifying about the voices that ring in your head.

How they so scarily sound similar to the people in your life, past and present.

Voices reminding you how you aren’t good enough. How you’ve let them down. How maybe if you weren’t there, the world would be okay. That it would move on without a hitch, without a second thought, because when it came to it, at the end of the day, maybe, just maybe, you didn’t really matter anyways.

Voices that sounded like your mother, reminding you of dark nights of you hidden in your room, the harsh words ringing in the four walls of your bedroom, what was supposed to be your safe haven, now tainted with feelings of regret, of disappointment, of outright disgust.

It’d be better if you didn’t exist.

Voices that sounded like your father, angry yells late into the night, enough smashed dishes that left your hands littered with scars that’d never cease to remind you, enough nights spent under your covers silently wiping tears as you prayed that you were quiet enough.

What a waste of air.

Voices that sounded like past coaches and management that knocked you back with each word spoken, each push forward sending you feet yards back, support that felt like hindrance more than anything.

You’d be lucky if you got to play past the little leagues. It’d be a miracle that’s for sure.

Voices that sounded like fans- people that were meant to support you- but you couldn’t force them to. Hundreds if not thousands of comments left, each asking for you to be traded. Hell, they’d take a sack of potatoes if nothing else. 

I can’t believe that we wasted our money on this. Can’t we just, I don’t know, get rid of her? She’s the reason we suck. Maybe if she was half a decent player we’d actually be somewhere in the league.

Comments that repeated your worth. Ingrained it into your mind. Over and over and over again. 

You weren’t good enough.

Sentences that etched themselves into the forefront of your thoughts, always ready to haunt you at the slightest notice. 

You weren’t good enough.

Not now, not ever. 

Not for your own mother or father, never mind your siblings. 

Not for your teammates, nor the fans.

It was a miracle you were even playing professionally in the first place.

God if they took one good look at you maybe they realized how poorly they fucked up by signing you. 

You weren’t a good footballer, barely even a decent one. How you managed to play for this long was a miracle.

They’d notice soon enough though. They had to. They always did.

They’d notice soon enough that you weren’t good enough.

And then?

Then you’d be left with nothing, as you always were.

~~~

You didn’t know when you were led inside to the locker rooms- when that absolutely terrifying moment of being in front of the opposing team’s stands had gone from you taking a corner to being absolutely pelted by random junk. 

From empty bottles (plastic thankfully), to empty food containers, balled-up programs, signs, merch, all being hurled your way, never mind the onslaught of assaults- the stands only repeating everything your mind ever told you, every, single, day. 

You didn’t hear when the ref blew their whistle, nor when the rest of the girls dressed in red crowded you, some chastising the fans along with the away team, others wrapping around you protectively, quickly leading you towards the benches. 

You weren’t there as you were subbed off, your mind still frozen, much like the rest of your body. 

All you knew right now was that you could smell the familiar scent of your girlfriend’s perfume as the heel of your palms pressed harshly into your eyes in an attempt to cease the uproar in your head. 

Breaths getting heavy, you tried your best to calm yourself down.

You weren’t a stranger to panic attacks, and even in your hazed state, you could very well recognize the oncoming situation.

Bringing your arms to wrap around your own stomach in a futile attempt to bring yourself some sort of comfort, you felt your breathing pick up as the sharp lights of the room seemed to get darker. 

Room spinning, the voices in your head louder, you could only bring your knees up to your head, body now practically in fetal position as you rode out the attack.

Even with the hundreds you’d had by now, you hadn’t been able to come up with an effective method to deal with them. 

So you sat there, huddled into a ball, body shaking, mind louder than ever as Leah stood above and watched helplessly.

The blonde had been there in the stands to watch you get abused, immediately making her way down to the pitch because ACL and league rules be damned, that was her girlfriend for fuck’s sake. 

She stood by the sidelines, ready to receive you as the obvious substitution occurred, an arm coming to wrap around you as she led your ghost of a body to the locker rooms.

She watched as you mindlessly sat in front of your locker, not a single word uttered from you, not a single response to the quiet comforting words the blonde had whispered to you gently in an attempt to rouse you from your clearly distressed state. 

She itched to reach out and touch you as she saw you slowly curl into a ball, you getting ever so smaller as she could only helplessly watch, you unknowingly  flinching the second she touched your shoulders in an attempt to comfort you.

It was only when your heavy breathing died down every so slightly, nearly fifteen minutes later if the blonde’s perception was right, that she tried again, slowly coming to sit beside you as she gauged your reaction. 

Seeing your shaking start to slow as well, she slowly wrapped an arm around your shoulder, her own body tense as she watched you stiffen up before you relaxed slightly, letting her pull you into her side as her other hand came to hold your left one.

And long after you had buried yourself into her side, body defeated with the rollercoaster of emotions you’d just experienced, too tired to think of any of the consequences of your actions, you let Leah led you- helping your pull on a hoodie and your jacket and change out of your cleats as she gathered the rest of your gear.

Helpless except able to nod in agreement as the blonde suggested you leave early from the game, you followed her quietly, not a word said from you, as she led you out of the ground and to her car, where you fell asleep within seconds.

It was only when the car pulled up to her house, a place you’d been to many times, your relationship long past new to the both of you, did you rouse, mind still not present and following the blonde.

Leah was good. You trusted Leah. Leah was safe.

The words repeating in your head, you believing they were true like all the other words that crossed your mind, you let yourself sleepily be led up the stairs and up to the ensuite. 

Standing there awkwardly as you slowly came to the situation, the lights in the washroom waking you up, your shoulders sunk as the embarrassment from earlier set in. 

God you were an embarrassment. First a panic attack in front of the English skipper, and now this- you stood helplessly in her bathroom like you were broken, waiting to be fixed.

You watched in dread as the blonde flitted around the joint closet, quickly gathering a change of clothes for you before she stacked them neatly on the countertop, handing you a towel and starting the shower, not meeting your eyes.

What you didn’t know was that she didn’t want to scare you off, intimidate you as her heart ached at the shameful look in your eyes.

“Take a warm shower, yeah? We’ll get you some food after, and then how about a nap?”

Unable to do anything but nod in response, your fear of upsetting the blonde, of anyone really, making itself known, you followed her instructions, locking the door as she left and starting to remove your sweat covered kit. 

~~~

It’s nearly twenty minutes later when you emerge from the shower, your dirty clothes held precariously in your hands, your eyes wide as you see Leah sprawled across her bed, scrolling aimlessly on her phone. 

A small smile unknowingly escapes you as you watch her nearly throw her phone, very much caught off-guard at your appearance.

Smile tightening quickly as you realized it rested on your face, your eyes met the ground, ears sharp as you noted the footsteps headed towards you.

Before you knew it, the mess of dirty clothes was swiftly taken from your hands, your gaze snapping up as you watched Leah take your dirty kit and toss it into her own hamper before turning to you. 

“Alright. I’d rather you eat, but I’m not going to force you to, yeah? We can take a nap, maybe just reset, or if you wanna sit down and watch a movie or a show we can do that too…how’s that sound?”

Feeling your eyes water at the blonde’s gentle tone, feelings still overwhelming from earlier, your sights met the ground again as you meekly nodded. 

Blood rushing in your ears, you felt the vibrations as Leah stepped towards you again, her hands gently taking yours. 

“Nap?”

Taking her chances at guessing which you preferred, the tender tone in her voice had you easily nodding again, tears you’d been trying to hold back now escaping. 

And as the blonde led you to her bed, you winced as the voices in your head picked up once again, mind baffled at why someone was treating you with this much kindness, this much care.

Choosing to ignore them for now, you smiled shyly at the sight in front of you, Leah having rounded the bed to go on ‘her’ side, the skipper tucked into the sheets, arms wide open as she shot you a soft grin, eyes sparkling with glee as she waited for you to join her. 

Gingerly approaching the bed, you hesitantly pulled back the covers, eyes meeting Leah’s every few seconds to make sure you were okay, before entering, unsure of whether you were allowed to hug the blonde (even if a part of you so desperately wanted to do so). 

Your question was answered for you, however, Leah was unable to see you lying down in such a stiff manner, taking matters into her own hands and hooking an arms around your waist and pulling you into her.

And as you slowly got comfortable, moving millimetres every minute until you finally found yourself resting with your head on her chest, arm wrapped around her midsection as her hand came to wrap around your waist, one running through your hair, you let yourself sink into her hold, brain quietening every so slightly as the familiar presence and scent had you relaxing.

It was only when you were on the verge of sleep, minutes later, did you hear Leah’s voice whisper into the air between you two, her lips pressing a tender kiss to your forehead as an apology as she realized her mistake of rousing you from your sleepy state.

“There’s a lot that goes on up there,” with a small nod towards the top of your head, she continued, “but it doesn’t have to stay there y’know?”

Holding her breath as she felt you shift slightly, you turning your body to listen better, she spoke again.

“I’d be more than happy to stay here and listen to you when you need it. Really, any of us would. All of the girls love you and care for you, and despite whatever people might say, you add to the team, yeah?”

Feeling you nod hesitantly at the words, Leah waited as she sensed your jaw move, anticipation killing her as you sounded out the words silently before they left your mouth- and even then, you winced slightly.

“I don’t want to be a burden…don’t wanna waste your time…”

There was something in the way the words quietly rolled off your tongue, no doubt said many times before, the sincerity behind them proving you meant them wholeheartedly- that you believed you were an inconvenience, that broke Leah’s heart.

You weren’t a burden. You weren’t.

She wondered if you’d ever seen yourself the way other’s saw you. If that coloured glass that you saw yourself through was tainted any other colour than black. Whether it was ever yellow so you’d see just how much of a ray of sunshine you were on the stormiest of days, often cheering up your shared teammates with just a single smile as you’d skip into the change rooms.

Or if you ever looked at yourself through the rose coloured glass, the same hue that would coat your cheeks as you’d interact with fans post-game, giving each and every one your undivided attention, making them feel special, and loved, and cared for.

Or whether you ever saw yourself through green, breathing life to even the dullest moments, standing tall, unwavering, as players would try to take you down on the pitch over and over again, you getting back up each time, a force to be reckoned with, one that not even the rainiest of days nor Mother nature could defy.

You weren’t a burden, and the blonde needed you to believe it, because it was the truth and nothing but the wholehearted, honest-to-god truth.

It’s why her honest admission just tumbles out, the words spilling before the defender could stop them.

“If I could hold you all night and all day, I would, without a single doubt or any hesitation.”

Her grip tightening on you as the words are spoken clearly and strongly, her placing a gentle kiss to your temple before continuing.

“If you think you’re gonna waste my time by talking to me when you aren’t doing well, then just know, that listening to you as I try and comfort you and get the chance to hold you in my arms? It’s the best waste of time I’ll ever have in my life. It’s one I’ll cherish till the end of time, because it’s never, and I mean never, a waste.”

Taking a deep breath in, the blonde felt you nod at her words, your own grip tightening around the blonde as you pulled yourself closer into her, closing your eyes in an attempt to believe her the best you could.

Leah could sense your struggle though, not ignorant to the way a small, trembling breath escaped you, frustration clear.

“You don’t have to believe me now, or any time soon really, but just know, it’s the wholehearted truth- and I’ll spend as long as you need reminding you, because you’re good enough. You’re more than good enough, and worthy of love, and a good life, and good things. You deserve love, even though your brain tries to tell you otherwise, yeah?”

When you didn’t say anything, it clear to the blonde that you were silently taking in her words, contemplating them, doing your best to believe them, she let you be, revelling in the silence as took in the feel of you being in her arms, one of her favourite feelings in the world.

The blonde could almost feel you turning her words over in your head, examining them from top to bottom as you inspected them for any indication of a lie, surprised when there wasn’t one.

Content with the way you hadn’t spoken out yet in disagreement, Leah decided to take her chances and bite the bullet.

Proposing her next idea, the blonde held her breath in anticipation, heartbeat slowing dramatically as she hoped you’d agree to her words.

“I’ll always be here to hold you, but I think it might just help if we see a professional, yeah? You and me, both of us, we’ll go, and just give it a crack?”

Feeling your hesitancy this time, the blonde pulled you closer to her gently, turning onto her side as her eyes met yours. 

One hand now carefully resting on your cheek, she placed a loving kiss on your forehead, then your nose before continuing. 

“Three sessions is all I ask. If you don’t want to go after that, then I won’t ask again, ever. But, just give me three sessions, and I’ll be there for each one if you want, and if nothing changes, then you’re off the hook, deal?”

There was an audible sigh of relief that escaped Leah’s lips as you hesitantly nodded in agreement.

Deciding that that was good enough for the time being, Leah smiled softly to herself, more than happy with any baby steps of progress being made.

“Just want you to love yourself the way the rest of us love you. The way I love you…”

The words were punctuated with another gentle kiss on your head, this time her lips lingering as you both basked in the touch, the blonde well aware that physical touch was your love language. 

Nodding to yourself as your girlfriend’s arms wrapped around you at the end of her sentence, heart feeling just a tad bit lighter as her embrace sucked you in, you let out a sigh of relief at the quiet in your mind and warmth in your chest.

Snuggling further into Leah’s hold, you let out a shaky breath as the emotions of the day filtered out of you, you weren’t going to lie, you were terrified for the future- absolutely scared shitless for what it held. But, with Leah by your side, on your team, cheering you on, a spark of hope nestled quietly inside you, filling you with a refreshing breath, a new goal to work towards.

Not now, not soon, but slowly and surely, you’d work your way through this. You wanted to. for your sake and hers.

After all, with your girlfriend to remind you that you were human, someone that could live and not just survive, maybe you could finally teach yourself it too.

[extasiswings]

Also idk if it’s a timing and scheduling thing or they just didn’t have the room for it but I find it odd that Eddie has been with Marisol for how long now? And we’ve had no significant scenes with them two at all. Like Tommy showed up swept Buck off his feet and smooched his ass in like an ep or 2. But like we’ve seen crickets from Eddie and Marisol. the story has to be that they’re gonna eventually break up because truly and honestly what has there been that would even have us remotely root for them lol. And she’s definitely showing up next episode but I sincerely doubt that they’ll be able to get people on that train. Which brings me back to the point that we are not supposed to think that they last because genuinely why would they

Yeah, not to put too fine a point on it, but regardless of how compressed a timeframe they're working with, if they wanted us to care then they would be trying to make us care, and they just aren't. If her coming back in 7x05 was intended to be anything other than the beginning of the end for them (and if this was intended to actually be a relationship instead of a plot device for Eddie's development), they would have made at least a bare minimum of effort to reintroduce her and their relationship. They could have given her more than a one line drive-by appearance in 7x01, but they didn't. And that's not because they didn't have the time, no, it's just that they made a choice to dedicate a solid 1/3 of the episode instead to Buck/Eddie/Christopher and Shannon, which basically tells the audience "this woman doesn't matter, but these relationships over here, those are the ones that are important." Eddie mentions that Marisol watched Chris twice while he was out with Tommy, but similarly, Buck finds that entirely nonthreatening - Chris spending time with Tommy and thinking he's cool though? That sent Buck into a whole spiral. Also similarly, Eddie's relationship with Tommy has had more screentime and development than his relationship with Marisol. And yes, that's partly because it was key to Buck's bisexuality arc, but still - it's signaling what they care about and what the audience is supposed to care about. And right now, Eddie's new friendship with Tommy - shown through both screentime and discussions of their shared interests - is substantially more believable than his relationship with Marisol who we don't know anything about as a person let alone anything about their relationship. Which...considering the title of 7x05 is "You Don't Know Me," I have an inkling we're going to find out that Eddie knows about as much about his own girlfriend of several months as the audience does. A whole lot of nothing meaningful. And if it seems at all like Eddie's just going through the motions or has doubts? There's no coming back from that when the audience doesn't care about her in the first place. So, yeah, even if it takes a few more episodes, they're donezo.

[mamadarama]

Just curious on your opinion here do you have any thoughts on the way Madara is being written? Recently I came to the realization that enstars writers aren't all that great,, and I notice that Madara at least in my opinion has had very little development and progression as a character but I'm genuinely hoping I'm wrong but I don't see much difference. And I do hope I'm wrong cuz I definitely haven't read every single story ever in Enstars and it could just really be Madara's character but it feels like he hasn't budged an inch and when DF rolled around it seems like he's gonna progress only for the writers to make him wanna split up literal months after (SS) and it was fine the first time since we explored that part of his character but right after that we got the Spring event and he's?? Back on his bullshit as if whatever happened during Secret Service didn't have much impact. And I do understand his character and all but I often wonder how much of that is just his character (immovable mountain with deep roots that will take years of continuous effort to move) or just the writers half assing because they can't think of a more compelling narrative for double face other than Madara wanting a breakup. It's especially sad to me with Last Mission because as much as I can understand DF being temporary and meant to end, it feels like nothing has changed in Madara during !! Era. I'm hoping that new gen Madara can change that since he's already featured in the new shuffle and scout story, and it does look like he's changing the vibes a little. Idk what are your thoughts and genuinely no hate here I love Madara and I'd love to hear your opinion :)

i think the writers do a pretty good job with the story actually !! i ended up spending a few hours writing like 3 pages of stuff so this one gets a readmore ^^;

theres a tldr at the end though if you dont wanna hear me talk in circles like some kind of maniac (understandable i dont either)

at this point madaras story is a tragedy and hes not really supposed to be a satisfying character . youre supposed to be some degree of frustrated with him like all the other characters are. the story isnt over yet though and maybe he will get a satisfying happy ending someday , but this is all buildup. having madara go through negative character development while the rest of the 3rd years have significant positive character development puts emphasis on one of the main points of his character: you cant help someone who doesnt want to be helped . shu wanted to become more empathetic. eichi wanted to unlearn his bitterness. kaoru wanted to leave his playboy reputation behind. izumi wanted to learn to control his emotions . madara has two sides to him that refuse to coexist— anger and misery. the angry side of him has given up on himself and leans into his perceived role as a villain because he believes alienating his friends is the only way to save them and for once be the hero. the miserable side of him is the sad and "selfish" part that keeps him returning to his friends again and again despite believing hes a bad influence on them, because he still seeks acknowledgment and praise from others and doesnt want to believe its too late for him. he bounces between these like a metronome . (maybe thats another layer of reasoning behind double faces name, idk) so, he doesnt know if he wants to be helped. he thinks he doesnt deserve it. pulling someone out of a ditch that deep requires some legwork on their part too, and if they wont put in that legwork, well... then there's nothing you can do. madara isnt quite a rooted mountain that takes a long time to move... hes more like an injured tiger pacing in its pit , so fixated on looking for a way out that it wont look up and see the entire top is open where its keepers are waiting to take it out and treat its wounds . now suppose this tiger is sentient enough to worry it might hurt someone on impulse when the disinfectant stings its wounds. additionally, lets say the tigers wounds came from falling and cutting itself on something in its habitat while making a risky jump , and it believes it deserves to be hurt for such a stupid misjudgment. so even when it notices the top of the pit is open, it will continue pacing pretending like it didnt. thats where madara is at right now .

madara broke up double face partly out of self sabotage, and partly out of a twisted attempt to "save" kohaku from him. kohaku and madara are an interesting contrast because their characters are set up in a very similar way. the difference between them is that kohaku doesnt hate himself even close to as much as madara does, and as a result he IS getting better. kohaku believes hes always going to be part of the underbelly of society doing dirty work and hes resolved to that like madara is, but he doesnt believe that means he has to do it alone . he acknowledges that hes not alone, he has the rest of alkakurei, the sweets club, jun, his sisters and tsukasa.... and madara. the first part of beating loneliness is recognizing youre not alone. madara thinks no one understands him (which in itself is its own kind of loneliness) and that if his friends understood "what he really is", they wouldnt love him. so in a way their presence eases one kind of loneliness and reinforces another. in his mind the only person who understands him is himself and therefore the only one who can save people from himself is also him.

theres a scene in last mission where madara says his reason for disbanding double face is something along the lines of wanting kohaku to live where he can feel the sun on him , and kohaku asks "what about my feelings?" . that pretty much sums up madaras entire thought process and why he isnt making any positive progress .

tldr; madara does have character development between es! and es!! , but its not positive. to have such a stubborn self loathing character make positive progress without a slow burn of warring with themself and dragging their feet would soften those traits. they want him to stand out and make you to go "ohh ok so this guy is MISERABLE miserable" .

so anyways i dont think its lazy writing its just character loyalty. but the fact that you noticed all that means youre reading him the way hes intended to be read. so congratulations!! you now understand what its like to be kohaku oukawa :) if he does get positive character development i hope its really slow though cuz if its too fast it would feel kinda abrupt. it needs to feel like hes fighting the writers for it to truly be madara

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I the asshole for how my previous 'situationship' ended? (I genuinely do not know what to call this situation so that's gonna have to do).

Okay so I (20F) met a guy that we will call Chris (21M) on tinder in Oct 2022. We were at the same uni, and we had good rapport over text, so we decided to meet up. He was pretty awkward but once we actually got talking he was a good chat. Nothing romantic or sexual was discussed/acted upon.

We hung out a few times after that. I kissed him once after a night out, which he didn't reciprocate or ever mention again. Given the complete lack of romance/sexuality coming from him, and the fact that he is a very socially awkward person, I took the hint that he wasn't interested and didn't know how to tell me. I felt that i made the fact I was interested clear and he hadn't taken me up on it, so I just dropped the subject. We continued talking as friends, and I genuinely thought that's all it was.

Come Feb 2023, I went on a night out with a different group of friends, during which a friend of mine, we'll call Tom, kissed me. I nearly had a one night stand with Tom, but I ended up not sleeping with him and just going home because I was too drunk. Being drunk and cringe, I made a pretty crude post to my tumblr before I passed out which was something like "someone is actually attracted to me? Nail me to a wall!" (Long deleted because drunk me is an embarrassment lol).

I woke up to texts from Chris, who had seen my tumblr post and was upset. I was pretty confused because 1. He doesn't even use tumblr, 2. I don't remember ever giving him my account name but it must have been in a screenshot at some point, and 3. I was not under the impression that we were dating... I let all that slide like an idiot because I was really hungover. Chris and I then had a chill discussion about what we were, and agreed to be friends. Cool! I thought that was the end of the drama. We chatted and hung out afterwards with 0 difference to how it had been before.

Cut to May, and I sent him good luck wishes before an exam. He says thanks and I just didn't think about it again, normal exchange.

Over three weeks after I'd wished him good luck, I woke up to a wall of text he'd sent me at 3am where he went into detail about how i had strung him along and wasted his time; that he thought I was manipulative and playing "mind games" with him for that good luck text, which he took as me trying to psyche him out before the exam and make him fail the module; that he didn't want to 'just be friends anymore' because the knowlege that i strung him along hurt too much; that I "ignored him as he walked past" (I still have no idea where or when this happened, I straight up did not see him wherever it was). He also went into detail about physical and mental health issues he'd been going through (that I wasn't aware of before the wall of text) saying that I'd been a great help with them during first term, then "ruined his second term". He went off that my lack of communication skills is a detriment to everyone around me.

I was completely blindsided by all of that, and honestly really hurt that he'd accuse me of trying to make him fail his exams, but I'm not sure that he's not got a point? Looking back, yeah maybe I should have straight up asked him if he was interested back in Nov. But idk I'd say kissing someone is a pretty fucking clear communication that i was interested, and he made 0 reaction to it, what was i supposed to think? I'm not in the habit of pushing people when they do nothing in the way of reciprocation. But, one of the issues he disclosed to me was that he had gotten an autism diagnosis in April and I can see how not being 100% clear and verbal in my communication may have been the root of the issues here, given that he was undiagnosed autistic for most of the time I knew him.

Anyway, was my lack of communication an asshole move?

What are these acronyms?

[moe-broey]

MEANWHILE. In another realm. I've revisited Alear's FB's

I FEEL LIKE. Alfonse's problem isn't so much that he's emotionally guarded, despite, you know, being extremely emotionally guarded. It's that He Isn't. Like. At the same time.

Consistently, without fail, Alfonse puts himself in situations where he's amicable and helpful. Their C support consists of Alfonse helping Alear see to her own odds and ends, having been brought to Askr with nothing but the clothes on her back. A common situation! He gets her a ring case to put all her rings in. So here, he's helping. And when Alear shows him the rings, and tells him the lore/significance of the rings, he takes an interest -- because of course he would! That sort of thing is right up his alley. And so he's not only amicable enough to be approachable, he's also showing interest in the things she's interested in, and having a spirited conversation about it.

Their B support consists of more of the same, just getting into the details of how Emblems work. HE DOESN'T REALIZE IT YET. But he's bonding with Alear. This goofy ass motherfucker doesn't realize this is literally how friendships are formed. Like I'm convinced he's thinking they're just talking lore and stuff and it's a casual conversation between casual allies and surely nothing emotionally charged will come out of this. He's just being friendly (without NECESSARILY becoming Friends) and there's nothing more to it, there Will be nothing more to it.

A support.

She voices A Problem. TWO things about Alfonse. 1) He was built in a lab to be a fixer (juries still out on his methods/solutions) and 2) He takes things SO personally when he relates to it. PVP enabled he's going to fucking get your ass about it. He is sooooooooo emotionally distant Up Until you fucking provoke him (AND THIS. ISN'T EVEN ENTIRELY TRUE. BC WHAT HE DOESN'T REALIZE IS GENUINELY BONDING OVER SHARED INTERESTS COUNTS TOWARDS BECOMING INVESTED IN THAT PERSON which is HOW he ended up in The Situation in the FIRST PLACE).

Which leads to him "helping" (POORLY.) (Because in all of this he IS still wired to help people)

Which just pisses him off even MORE, believing he has the Correct and Inevitable perspective and desperately wants to get Alear to see it the same way, doubling down.

(Bro I am going to hit image limit again before even making my point..... AUGH)

Alear's next lines, "That's true, but won't keeping my distance mean I appreciate them less while I have them?" / "Is that how you see your relationships with Heroes? With me?" / "No matter how much time we spend together, you'll always keep me at arm's length for when I have to go?"

Here, I think Alear is expressing to him she already sees him as her friend. I don't think Alfonse picks up on it though, trying again to get her to see his side of the issue -- as if, in his mind, they're just debating and not having an emotional conversation.

Alfonse's next lines: "Consider it from my perspective. If I am too attached to you, and you leave, I could lose my will to fight." (ALFONSE. ALFONSE. COME ON MAN.) (LIKE. Idk man if you're saying shit like that I think it's too late. It's so over for you.)

THIS ONE THOUGH. I THINK. PLEASE staywith me but it is the root of it all

Euden's (named Milo here lmfao Milo jumpscare) next line: "Do you not feel the same way about us?"

Alfonse's lines: "My apologies, but no. The forming of friendships is a thing I don't take lightly." / "It's true that I rely on the assistance of Heroes summoned from different worlds when fighting, but that is wholly different."

Alfonse lines (continued): "I have a duty, and can't afford such hurt. So if I grow close to someone, I do so accepting the potential consequences."

AAAAUGHHHH WHAT IS MY THESIS. WHAT THE FUCK AM I TALKING ABOUT. I HAVE MORE CONNECTIONS TO MAKE. AND FOR WHAT‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

SOMEHOW. His Book 1 (p sure they're from Book 1) lines to Kiran that go, "I suppose we don't know much about your world. And how rude of us to not ask until now!" / "What? Your world has buildings that scrape the sky? And what do you mean by 'cars'?" / "Like wagons... that run without horses... and are made out of metal? Fascinating." <- THESE LINES. Combined with his smiling sprite. TO ME are a direct parallel to his C and B Alear conversations, HOW, he's taking an interest in Kiran and without realizing he's growing a fondness for them.

Something SOMETHING about his cognitive dissonance about how he can be friendly without "being friends", how he's afraid of caring too much when it's clear he already cares at least a little ESPECIALLY SHOWN. In how, Alfonse doesn't realize he could have hurt Alear's feelings until she directly states it: "I understand. Still... it makes me sad."

ONLY THEN he gets his panicked(?) sprite, replying, "I apologize for upsetting you." It's here I think he finally realizes, OH. THIS IS. An emotional conversation and not like a debate of ideals and I feel bad for hurting you. BECAUSE!!!!!!!! HE'S COME TO CARE ABOUT ALEAR!!!!!!!!! IN ALL OF THIS!!!!!!!!! Whether he's fully aware of it or not, whether he LIKES it or not, he cares about her feelings and wants to make it right. Into, expressing (again that PVP "Well I took that personally" reaction he has): "I suppose it's just that, when you talk about the Emblems, how you worry, I feel as if I'm hearing my own voice."

Which S support, sets up for a resolution and mutual understanding peace and love all is well with the world 👍

ALSO the parallel to Euden, since this is the very start of what would be analogous to support conversations (side story content unlocked by powering up the character), Euden takes Alfonse's response to him in stride -- since, there's no real emotional stakes. Aside from, Euden wishing they could be friends (since he's just built like that), but ultimately giving Alfonse space and respecting his feelings about it. The Point: While they've been working together, Alfonse hasn't Quite developed that fondness yet I don't think (esp from what I remember from the main plot of the crossover event, which is next to nothing LMFAO). It develops later!!!!!!

If I hadn't hit image limit I would insert the What the FUCK are you two talking about meme here like. What the fuck AM I talking about. Can someone else make this post actually I don't think I'm qualified 😭😭😭😭😭😭

MAIN POINT.

I look at Alfonse and I go I think I hauve covid.

[yeahiwasintheshit]

watched asteroid city, and man am im getting tired of wes anderson and his wes anderson-ness. style over substance. i got nothing out of it, other than beautiful visuals, wonderful production design and that he knows how to frame and where to place a camera. which brings me to my thoughts on wes andersons later movies... theyre all emotionally hollow.

clearly anderson likes that kind of sort of detached dry performance, because its been in all his movies. like bill murray in all of wes' movies. and i think it can work when other actors play bigger. but now all his characters act like that. so its almost creepy to not see any variation in the performances. like invasion of the body snatchers kind of sameness.

that kind of dry performance can also work juxtaposed against big emotional storylines. you felt the loss the family felt when royal died in the royal tennenbaums, here in asteroid city the mother had died, but its barely a blip, and the family barely reacts to it. they all react in that wes anderson-ness detached way and its just kinda off putting. all 4 children just kind of blindly stare, and you think there will be some emotional catharsis at the end for them. nope. it veers off to something completely stupid i wont spoil. the point is, theres differences in performances in his earlier movies, and now theres this smear of sameness with all the characters. which i find hollow.

also, his earlier movies were rooted in reality, theyre out on a boat in the water in life aquatic and it feels real, but now anderson has built this huge stylistic artificial world his characters are in, which magnifies the hollowness of their performances. he tries and throws sorta big emotional situations at the characters but the world is so artificial, and the performances are dry and detached that all together it just feels like nothing. i get nothing out of the movie... asteroid city and the last one, french dispatch

in asteroid city, theres this framing device where its a television show about a stage play that is being acted on screen, or something idk, but its just another layer of distance from any real emotion of the movie. i just dont get anything other than pretty pictures from these later wes anderson films.

also, i think its supposed to be a comedy, and i didnt laugh once.

[acourtofthought]

I’ve been thinking about this for a while, I think I’m up to something. Lucien was forced to leave his home twice already with basically only what he had on his back. We know that Tamlin basically packed his stuff and shipped them off and those are all the belongings he has. So I always wonder what is Lucien’s financial situation. It’s impossible to try to figure that out since he has a salary and can afford to rent an apartment in Velaris but he has no land or like property and he’s sharing an old mansion with two humans rn. He always speaks about being the seventh son of a high lord as nothing to brag about, he loses a lot of his titles so I always assume that he is very aware that he doesn’t have much to offer Elain in terms of property/living situation or even a court. I always assumed that comparing himself to Graysen (a very wealthy nobleman’s son), he thought he’d come up short. And if he is aware of the thing between Azriel and Elain, he might also think that he has nothing to offer compared to Azriel who is basically a high lord’s brother and right hand man. Elain is also surrounded by wealth and practically anything she could want, so I think Lucien would find himself at a disadvantage from this perspective too. Even if he wanted to take her, where could he? In an apartment in Velaris that’s not even on the nicer side of town? Or his shared manor in the human lands? He’s currently not doing well with Tamlin either. I really don’t think he’d ever just claim Elain, especially knowing that she was meant to be a wealthy noblewoman. And I find it especially interesting from this perspective that he keeps calling her Lady. Lady is the female version of lord. It is interesting to me that Lucien is showing respect towards her with that specific title. Not to mention that no one seems to care about Lucien’s heritage (the known one or the Helion one). It just feels like Lucien doesn’t see himself on the same level as Elain and her family. Idk this was a big ole rant you might have some ideas about it though so I thought I’d share 👀

I love how much thought you put in to this!! I'm thinking Lucien has money as he chose an elegant apartment in Velaris and dresses well but I agree that to him, that's maybe not the same thing as having roots and anything to offer someone. To him, what could he offer Elain? It's a little bit of the Cassian / Nesta situation. Cassian knew that Nesta grew up intending to marry a prince and regardless of the income he makes from Rhys, he had no title to offer her. Similarly, though Lucien is the 7th son of the High Lord of Autumn (or at least to it's Lady), Beron tried to have his other sons kill Lucien and chased him out of the court, Lucien doesn't stand to inherit a territory in Autumn. Yet he knew Elain was engaged to someone of some importance in the human lands, she was destined to become a Lady there. He hops between the Night Court, Spring Court and the human lands. I imagine he doesn't think any female would want that sort of nomadic lifestyle. I'm not even sure if Lucien knows what's going on with Az but I do think his struggles with his own self worth ("And a whole lot of nothing") and not feeling like he has anything to offer anyone has played a role in his hesitation to bridge the gap with Elain. I think when you add that into what happened to the last female he loved, that she was murdered by his "father", there have been a lot of things Lucien has struggled with upon realizing that Elain was his mate. That he was given this amazing thing (the bond) and what can he even offer to the person he probably wants to try to offer everything to. No home, no real title, and to some degree he probably fears for her safety and his ability to protect her against a High Lord. It doesn't matter how powerful someone is, the High Lords are supposed to be "power itself" and right now, Lucien doesn't realize he could stand up to Beron and actually win.

[ca-suffit]

I say "attempted to change it" (about the origin of the harlequin portrayal) because S2 ep3 promo I've seen so far treats the introduction of Lestat playing that character as super cool and awesome and Armand seems to have swooned over him via Lestat's attitude in portrayal of this character. Which is unhinged because Armand of all people would likely know the racism inherent to the harlequin.

And also I think I've seen an interview, but don't quote me here because it could very well be fandom bs, where Sam(?) talked about the difference between Lelio and Harlequin and the only thing he expressed was the trickster nature of the Harlequin vs the lover's nature of Lelio or smth. Nothing to aknowledge Harlequin is blackface and maybe Lestat had those racist biases as a human/fresh vampire (very possible) or etc.

Which is why I'm so serious when I say I hope he comments on the situation, least AMC are utter fools and trying to pull an "It's not racist when WE do it because, um, reasons!!!"

thank u for explaining! I don't want to doom spiral so I can't say anything before seeing the episode. It's a bunch of theatre ppl making the show tho and the racial commentary is usually good, I don't see why they'd skip over a mention of it. It's not surprising it hasn't been brought up in interviews before the episode has aired tho. Sam also is never gonna be the one to deep dive into racial topics lol.

Idk anything about this stuff so I went looking on youtube to see performances and general videos. This is *always* mentioned somehow when talking about the character and the mask, so it's not rly hidden info once u poke around the tiniest bit.

I will say tho that I don't think ur supposed to see Lestat in that role as being very positive tbh. We've basically been told that it's Armand switching the roles for him in the play in his version of events and he's supposed to look goofy. I always took it to be intentional for Armand to try and downplay his desire while still clearly being overtaken by it. The plays are book canon so I don't see anything outright problematic about how this is set up in terms of what it means for Armand and Lestat. It doesn't suddenly make them good or bad ppl by itself. There's limited characters to pick from in the play. They're old, popular plays with multiple influences and versions. Pretty much *everything* is also rooted in racism tbh, especially hundreds of years ago in France. I'm not trying to tell u how to feel, I'm just saying I'm not gonna get angry ahead of time with a show that's already mentioning racial history in every scene we see. Daniel's always ready to blurt out some racist shit to Armand as it is and show off his white, liberal knowledge about history so I can p easily see this being a setup for that.

Sorry the part about Lestat "maybe" having racist biases made me lol too bcuz....of course he did. He still has them through the entirety of S1! He's white and French from 17whatever. He thinks racism is an American problem. He'd be saying slurs all over the place if this show wanted to be authentic about it. We're getting the toned down version of what would rly be "book accurate" for those who want that lol.

Anyways here's the videos. Most of the commentary about race stuff is near the end of all of them.

[tadpolesonalgae]

i've read the last chapter twice and i honestly thought things would go a different way? idk i thought even if running away didn't work with the magic that maybe she got at least a bit of a backbone, it kinda feels like running to eris and have all that guilt on top of the one she already had was all for nothing. i wanna root for her but at a certain point she's really doing all this to herself. i thought the reunion would warrant some well deserved anger from both parts like a climax of sorts, i guess it did it was just more depressing and defeated than the anger i was expecting. kinda wish we'd seen azriel or even mor tell the others too

and i'm sorry but how did she pick the weirdest way to off herself 😭 like there are so many easier ways, even just with the arrow just stab it through your heart, she definitely wouldn't hit azriel like that and she remembered the wards but didnt think to mind speak to call rhys and feyre? like i get she was in shock but i just dont know how she's so smart but keeps making the dumbest decisions. i also thought the prophecy meant she'd kill him with her powers not just this

i'm sorry if this sounds a bit critical, the chapter was beautifully written as always, you're really amazing at conveying emotion, the reason it's so frustrating to see her stay stuck in her self pity is because of how well you write it but i just thought there would be more happening when she came back - 🧶

Okay…I have some thoughts drifting around in my head so I hope I’ll express them in a coherent fashion 😬😭🧡💛 (though this did get a little long, sorry 🫣🫂)

So, first of all, I think some people probably were expecting anger or some kind of emotional detonation, but in my experience anger and frustration take a lot of energy to sustain and I don’t believe reader—where she was at that moment—was capable of directing her resentment anywhere but herself? She’s exhausted from being alive; she doesn’t have the energy nor the instinct to become angry with Azriel or any of the IC.

I know this is a fanfic, so it would be quite simple to have her ‘fixed’ after visiting Eris, but that scene was supposed to be the first moment of catharsis, where reader is able to physically exhaust a portion of her magic that has been straining on her. It’s mentioned (I think in acomaf, and we also see it with Nesta in acosf) that Rhys has to constantly have magic in use to relieve the pressure it puts on him or else it will drive him insane, so reader needed to have some kind of release moment since her magic wasn’t able to manifest correctly.

I’d also like to mention that I think it might seem underwhelming or anticlimactic in some lights because it is frustrating in a way to see someone continuously be unable to stand up for themselves and just kind of melt into a puddle on the floor? Particularly if they aren’t entirely deserving of certain behaviours and it would be simpler to fix if the person just took a stand and stopped muddling about the place 😭

‘kinda wish we'd seen azriel or even mor tell the others too’

With this, do you mean that reader ran away to Eris, or that she tried to end herself, because I’m pretty sure both of those will be spoken about in chapter 16 if that’s any consolation! 🧡💛

Okay, onto the method of suicide! (Yes, I acknowledge it was a weird choice, certainly a more unintentionally flamboyant approach)

So, since she’s fae (I can’t actually remember if decapitation works?) I’m pretty sure ash is the only thing that can actually kill her? Which limited the options quite significantly? I suppose she could have taken a large dose of faebane to reduce her healing and then ended herself in a more ‘human’ (?) way?

Personally though, there were a couple a reasons I wanted to use the crossbow and arrow!

First of all, using a crossbow, letting reader set it up, knowing she just has to knock into a book and then it will be out of her hands? It’s passive. She’s again letting things be taken out of control—I didn’t want her first moments of real autonomy to be trying to end herself (though that might have been very impactful for a different direction of the story) (I’m also not counting her giving away the earrings since that wasn’t something she did entirely for herself)

Secondly, the Crossbow itself was lying inside the House of Wind, along with various other weapons and blades that the IC are just too accustomed to—I want a specific reason for the IC to understand what sort of problems are happening with reader. While I don’t feel it’s expressly their fault (again, I feel it’s passive, not active—they didn’t intend for their distance to have a negative impact on her, though it did anyway) they will feel responsible that she used something of theirs to hurt herself with.

Then, Eris was the one who gave reader the ash arrow and I would like to have a reason to elaborate on what’s going on in the background (which I’m scared I won’t do well 🫣)

Admittedly this is a slightly strange reason, but I think from reader’s perspective and without being able to understand az’s side, he’s seemed quite cold/distant from her due to external pressures and I wanted this to serve as a reminder that despite how bad things are right now he does still care about her? Not romantically or anything obviously, but he doesn’t want any of the people he cares about to be hurt where he can help it so this felt like a good circumstance that would set their reconciliation (not reconciliation, but their distance closing I guess?) in motion and give them a reason to actually pay attention to one another and figure out what’s going on

(Lastly, this one is more an allegory than anything, but being shot through the heart by an arrow is usually something done by Cupid. So revolving around her love for Azriel and how it’s kind of messing her up? This is definitely a more indulgent reason though 😭)

For the mind speaking thing and why she didn’t call out for Rhys and Feyre—I’m not sure if I expressed it incorrectly but reader was suffering through an onslaught of pretty debilitating inclinations revolving around ending herself, and then the solution to those urges was stripped away from her when Azriel took the arrow instead so she’s having to grasp with the fact she’s still alive, she’s now responsible for murdering someone rhys, Feyre etc. love dearly, she’s killed someone she loves dearly, while also dealing with small glimpses from the war—she isn’t in the right headspace to think outside of those problems.

Also, I don’t feel daemati abilities are explained very clearly, but in my mind Azriel, Cassian, Mor etc. who aren’t daemati would be familiar enough with it (through speaking with Rhys) that they know roughly where to push within their mental expanse to search for a connection point. With reader who has only been fae for two years, has little to no experience with speaking mind to mind—I don’t feel it would be at all possible for her to figure out how to call for someone mentally when she can barely control her own magic and when neither Rhys nor Feyre would have a reason to be checking on her mentally when as far as they know she’s safe and with Az.

With the prophecy/vision that Elain got, all she explicitly sees is Azriel on the floor with blood around him then a flash of green. He looks dead but that’s not something Elain can determine just through visuals just yet—no, Azriel is not dead, but he comes close enough to imitate it!

‘i'm sorry if this sounds a bit critical, the chapter was beautifully written as always, you're really amazing at conveying emotion, the reason it's so frustrating to see her stay stuck in her self pity is because of how well you write it but i just thought there would be more happening when she came back - 🧶’

I think it was critical but I don’t think that’s a bad thing at all and really appreciate it!! 🧡💛 It wasn’t malicious or mean and I really enjoy hearing your opinions on cbmthy’s storyline because it helps me adapt and shape the direction of the plot—seriously, I love getting to hear your thoughts, thank you so much for taking the time to articulate them, it’s such a massive aid 😭🧡💛 I hope none of my replies felt too harsh or absolute, and I would love to know if you have any other thoughts on the storyline!! 🧡💛

[mokutone]

Your tags on this post made me think that if there's any childhood pics of Yamato, they'd be absolutely cursed. Most of them probably progress and experiment contexts... and then for some reason there's one where, idk, it's just a tiny Yamato holds a kunai in his hand and the first (and only) time Kakashi stumbles upon it when he goes through the ROOT files he has a sudden moment of recognition and connection and then makes sure all those files will never ever be opened by anyone again.

oh this captured my imagination a little bit. hoo hoo. here, have something i don't usually do, write:

“Hey, Tenzō. Look at this.”

Yamato glanced up from his lunch to see Kakashi hauling a dense looking box of papers and folders onto the already-crowded Hokage desk.

“Taking on additional responsibility, I see,” Yamato said mildly, leaning back against the window behind him to get a better angle of the boxes sides, see if there’s a label. “How bold of you, Hokage-Sama.”

“There’s nothing which aids procrastination better than additional, unrelated work,” Kakashi said, dispensing his ill-gotten wisdom with two smiling, inky-black eyes. Yamato smiled back crookedly, and put his lunch to the side, finally rising to join Kakashi in whatever this new distraction was.

The box had dense chipboard sides and top, and hints of discoloration from unhindered mildew around the corners, and by the lip of the lid. There was a label on the lid’s front, but it was rusted so thoroughly that the paper had been eaten and stained so thorughly that it was unreadable. When he touched the sides, it was colder than the room they were in.

“Sai found it,” Kakashi said, as Yamato lifted the lid.

Ah. This was from Root, then. The dismantling of Danzō’s organization demanded a lot of cleanup, a lot of compiling and collection of Danzō’s libraries and resources and re-allocation of them into Konoha’s information, library, and data collections. If Kakashi was bringing this one straight here, rather than letting the experts notate, collect, label, and distribute this information, it must have been something he wanted privilege over—something too sensitive to immediately be shifted into Konoha’s resources.

Taking a guess, Yamato slid his hand among the side of the papers, feeling for the slick, cardstock texture of a photograph among the typewritten papers.

“Well, would you look at that,” Yamato said, as he felt Kakashi’s keen gaze slip from him to the image in his hand. It was of a sallow, gaunt creature that had never seen the sun, with long brown hair, wetted and slicked by preservative biofluids so that it was nearly black, legs that must have been trembling at the time of the photo which stuck out like twigs from beneath a thin, rough-textured cotton medical gown. The eyes that stared out at him though, were familiar, curious.

“It seems like they’ve finally declassified my baby photos,” Yamato said, and he tried to keep his voice light and humorous, but he tripped over a lump in his throat.

Yamato could feel Kakashi’s eyes leave the photo, and return to him, and so he turned, and pressed the photo into Kakashi’s hands before stepping back to his seat on the window, and lifting up his lunch again.

“We could burn them,” Kakashi suggested.

“That sounds like a bad idea,” Yamato replied through a wry smile. “Thanks for the offer though, always good to know you’re willing to destroy state secrets for a friend.”

“If being the hokage means I can’t even destroy my personal guard’s formerly classified medical documents anymore, then I don’t even know why I left Jōnin,” Kakashi replied, though he started picking through the box again.

Yamato resumed eating, finding himself colder and hungrier than he had been even minutes ago.

“What do you want done with it, Tenzō?” Kakashi eventually asked.

“I don’t particularly care. It can enter Konoha’s forbidden documents division, I suppose. There’s probably important details about how I was created in there, they might be of use for Konoha down the line, I suppose. Perhaps the next time, the experiments can be done consensually, and with less casualties, and perhaps without the more dehumanizing elements of all that.”

“Grim,” Kakashi commented.

“Pragmatic,” Yamato countered. He was fairly sure that there would be a next time—even if Orochimaru somehow miraculously died, even if he was somehow stopped, there would be someone else. There would be, once again, a demand for an otherwise extinct Kekei-genkai.

“I know how easy that section is to break into. I don’t know. Do you really want it in there? Even Sakura and Naruto could probably get in, if they tried, and you know how bad they are at stealth missions.”

“And whose fault is that, Hokage-sama?”

Kakashi gave him a sour look, probably about his continued use of the honorific. Yamato knew he was getting to Kakashi a little bit. “Yours. Don’t you still train new Anbu recruits? They’re not up to par.”

Yamato bowed deeply without leaving his seat, so that his nose brushed his knees, holding his meal aside with one hand. “My most sincere apologies, Hokage-Sama, I w—”

“Piss off,” Kakashi snapped. “You know you’re pretty much the only person in this village who still calls me that?”

Yamato sat back up, very pleased with himself.

Kakashi sighed, and looked back down at the box, and Yamato watched as he did, one of his hands leaving the white, voluminous robes to pick through a couple files at random, and then shuffle them back in.

“You were very young,” Kakashi said softly, looking at another document, which seemed (by a paperclip at the top) to have another photo attached.

“Most children are young,” Yamato noted, after another bite. “You probably were too, I imagine.”

“I suppose I was.”

“You’ll likely find mostly medical files and Kinoto and Danzō’s notes on my progress. I don’t think there’s much else to be recorded in there.”

“You don’t want to see any of that,” Kakashi guessed.

“I know what it will say, I lived it. As for the stuff that I don’t know, I’m happy not knowing.”

Kakashi tapped the edge of the box. “Does me looking at these bother you?” He asked.

Yamato looked out the window, where the afternoon sun was lowering but hot and bright and golden. Did it bother him? He didn’t think so.

“I understand why it’s interesting—but I’m not in that box. Whatever we would find in that box isn’t me. You know? Whatever you want to do with it, I don’t really care.”

Kakashi nodded, and put the paper in his hands back into the box, then placed the lid back where it had been.

“I’m going to put these somewhere very safe, for a while. I don’t think these should be back in circulation,” Kakashi said. “Not yet. Not for a while.”

[theluminoussunflower]

hi

I always felt kinda weird about the dps 'novel' and thought it was so strange how many people seemed to love it. (And how often nancy kleinbaum was credited for quotes she had no involvement in..)

Like.. i'm glad if people enjoyed it. But at the same time i was crushed that i couldn't form a connection with it? Because all i yearned for was a long and detailed book of dps, but the book we've got is just a (worse) version of the script, where all the characters feel off.. finally someone put into words what i had trouble articulating.

So... thanks!

(And if i may ask: what do you think of the 'deleted scene' where mr. keating comes to the cave? It obviously doesn't have much to do with the book (just like everything else it was part of the script), but for me personally it was the first time i had encountered it.. do you think it adds to the story or not?)

Anonymous because i have a horrid fear of being misunderstood :) have a nice day

anon you and i are on the exact same page. i think within the fandom it's generally disliked on some level, but i see a lot of people who aren't in the trenches with us who praise it. and it's like, i think they just like the movie, but quoting from a movie isn't aesthetic enough or something? so they quote from the book? idk i have never liked the book, i don't understand the appeal of it at all.

there is another universe where the dps book is what you want: thorough, detailed, maybe even expands on the characters in minor ways (like we finally find out what clubs meeks and pitts are in). unfortunately, we live in the darkest timeline

i have quite mixed feelings about that deleted scene tbh. there is some context to it and i even see the vision that schulman was going for when he wrote it. to my understanding, that scene where todd reads out his poem was supposed to be intercut with the scene of neil going into his father's office. it's a pretty sick juxtaposition: todd, the character who could barely form a sentence at the beginning of the film, is reading out his own poem to his friends! and neil, who started all his friends on the dps path after being inspired by keating, isn't there because he's committing suicide at home, ending his life because there is nothing to live for if he can't seize the day. the thing is, in the original script, todd's character arc was a bit more complete in my opinion. he stands up to mr nolan and his parents and he doesn't sign the contract which terminates mr keating. he see him put keating's advice into practice and the effects/consequences of that (for some reason, todd does not get kicked out of welton in the og script, not sure why). but in the film, he is presented with the reality of not being able to follow mr keating's advice (yet), so he has to sign the contract. thus leading to the epic finale of the film where he thanks mr keating for his lessons and then we just presume they all put those lessons into practice. (dps 2 me thinks). now, for the film, weir wanted that grim/tragedy ending, so he cut a lot of that stuff with todd out. it still works, just not in the traditional way.

in terms of the rest of that, like everyone singing and dancing together... doesn't really do much. again, it was supposed to be intercut with neil's suicide, but neil's scene is harrowing enough without seeing his friends not know what's going on with him.

so there is a world where that deleted scene works, but they deleted it for a reason.

if i could for a moment talk about knox's storyline relating to that scene. i hate that his relationship with chris comes to a screeching halt when neil commits suicide. literally, after the play, we don't see or hear from her again. in that deleted scene, they kiss or whatever. still doesn't really wrap it up. now i'm not saying i'm rooting for them, because i'm not. but i think it would have been interesting like.

okay imagine chris' boyfriend chet finds out that she went to the play with knox (or kissed him). and chet is furious so he marches up to welton, set on punching knox into the ground. only to be confronted with a guy whose friend just killed himself. and what if knox, much like todd in the film, relents. and says "you can have chris, i can't seize the day anymore, my friend is dead" and we see him lose. knox, who has been pining after chris the whole movie, has to give up. i think that may have just reiterated the point, so maybe that's why it's not addressed. idk it was just always odd that knox didn't get a proper ending. not that he deserves it.

i don't know if that actually answers your question or not. i guess in short, i don't really think it should have stayed in the film as it was, but i see how it could have worked.

end post lol

[noahtally-famous]

favorite new gen ships?

I'm assuming you're cool with canon and fanon ships (bc if it's just canon ships then uh...it's just gonna be rajbow lmao).

I'll have you know this was painstaking for a multishipper like me, but here we are!!

disclaimer: I've personally only watched four of the episodes (I'm tryna find time to watch the rest 😭); the rest that I know of abt the characters and/or dynamics are bc of tumblr lmaoo

(also if you have a problem with any of these, don't bother commenting, I don't need the hate)

rajbow (raj x bowie): o b v!! can't have one of these asks without these two, tbvh, I adore them and from what I've heard abt them, I love how Fresh handled them--the fact that the only canon gay ship is also on the list of the healthiest ships is wild and I freaking love it!! they're so adorable together too--and let me say I noticed the connection between Bowie getting crowns and Raj's name meaning 'king' immediately and it made me love them more! I can't wait to see more of them next season, and I hope Fresh doesn't fuck around with them like they've done with other ships 🤞

emwayne (emma x wayne): while I understand where the zemma shippers are coming from, I'm gonna have to say that I can see them as a pairing, but mostly I see zee and emma as friends than lovers. moving onto wayne and emma, I've seen a couple of rlly cute fanart abt them that roped me into rooting for them; also, I saw this tumblr post that talked abt wayne helping emma see that her and chase aren't right for each other bc of the break between bowie and emma's friendship; I thought it'd be cute that emma realizes what an actual relationship is supposed to be like based on the way wayne treats her and the two grow closer as he helps her come into herself more. overall, really cute pairing!!

nichaxel (nichelle x axel): MY LESBIAN BABES!!! ever since I saw that one scene where they interacted, I was HOOKED, I'm SO SO on board with these two getting together, ugh, I can just imagine how badass and amazing they'd be!! axel teaching nichelle to fight so she can make her comeback next season??? nichelle helping axel tune more into her emotions and her heart??? sign me tf up!! they'd be unstoppable, legit, I want this so bad! seriously, I hope Fresh does smth with them next season and if they don't get them together, I hope they at least let them be friends, goddammit!

damien x priya (idk their shipname 😭): from the screenshots I've seen of the two, I think they're cute together!! wonder if next season will involve them more 🤔 it's funny too bc it's the guy who doesn't have a clue abt total drama with the girl who knows everything abt it; like imagine priya getting damien to watch the prev seasons and damien returning next season like a fricking icon with his newfound knowledge. honestly I'm on the fence abt these two; I like them as a pairing, but also I think they're great as good friends too! (also I've seen a lot of ppl talking abt millie x priya; I personally don't have an opinion abt that, I haven't gotten that far to have one. So, to me, they're just good friends!) (on that note, for the scary girl x damien shippers, I personally see them as friends, I just can't see scary girl with anyone sorry 😅)

chazee (chase x zee): okay, hear me out on this one. before the season came out, when all I knew abt everyone were those random pics of episodes, I remember wishing chase to be gay (or bi or smth that isn't straight or he realizes he's not straight while in the show) bc it'd break that stereotype which I thought would be cool--and I shipped him with zee like offhandedly, nothing extreme, just lowkey. like I thought their shipname was cute (chazee?? hello?? literally adorable?? and I've found out that ppl are calling them cheese now too and fdhdjf that just makes it cuter). then I started watching the season and got to know chase's whole personality, I was like 'ehhhh' and this pairing just...got shunted to the far corners of my mind. THEN I came across this freaking adorable fic of these two (it's this one!) that somehow converted me back to shipping these two??? then I started thinking up random scenarios involving the two and yeah imma say I adore these two. idk I feel like zee would be good for chase, like their way of viewing the world would be pretty helpful for someone like chase?? (plus the whole sexuality crisis can still exist on chase's end bc imo zee is the kinda person to already be aware of a lot of things abt him (their gender, their sexuality, etc) but not put much emphasis on it, y'feel?), and maybe chase's way of expressing himself would balance out zee's??? who knows?? idk I feel like this ship has a lot of potential and it's worth exploring-

mkulia (mk x julia): they'd be the queens of meet-uglies lmaoo but no rlly, they'd be rlly great together, I feel! they give off alenoah vibes too, which I think is pretty neat! idk much abt them rn bc I'm only a fourth in the season, but I will def let you know my thoughts once I do!

I think that's it! these aren't all the ships I ship obv, but if I had to pick favs, it would be these ones!

oh, btw, as a treat, let me talk abt my least fav character in the season after I talked abt my fav ships fhjdfhI okay so I genuinely dislike ripper so much lmfao, like in the beginning he was 'meh' to me and he just plummeted the more I watched the season. I would not subject anyone to the pain of being shipped with him at all (the only ship I can tolerate is chipper but even then it's shipped ironically and I've hardly any interest in it; sorry chipper fans lmao)😭 literally hope he gets eliminated early next season--it's what he deserves after the whole deal with axel's elimination this season.

[mzannthropy]

I absolutely agree that Camilly>>>> Daisybilly. Also Edmila. I'm just gonna pretend none of the cheating happen. Also, what do you think about fics that make Billy a bad father? I hate them lol. Billy was there for Julia's plays,soccer games, and to see her grow into an adult. You can tell he loved her.

(This got long...)

Thanks, it's good to see someone still cares about Billy x Camila! Tbh I've been thinking that I probably misunderstood the story, which is not unlike me with the way my mind works, but the thing is, I was only in it bc of Sam Claflin. I would never have had picked the book up if he hadn't been cast in the series. I barely care about real 70s bands, never mind fictional, and I didn't know anything about Fleetwood Mac (in fact I only started listening to them bc of DJATS and, funnily enough, I saw that 1997 performance on TV which they just happened to show at the time when the filming of DJATS was going on--but I didn't think anything of it. Don't those two hate each other?). That's my kind of longwinded way of saying that I had no idea I was supposed to ship Daisy and Billy, especially as I rooted for Camila right from the beginning. I'm also much older than majority of the fandom and have one failed marriage under my belt already, so I see things differently.

I think that Camila liked the rockstar side of Billy, hence why she was able to overlook some things (after all, this was the 70s), bc she knew he would always come home to her. Relationships are laundry and taxes, not omG tHE wAY thEY LooK aT eAcH OthEr on stage, but I guess that's not cool enough for the show. I'm not a fanfic person, actually, I read maybe about three a year (and that's only short ones) and with the exception of Jane Eyre, I don't write any (I prefer writing original). Occasionally I check AO3 for some particular piece of media or a ship, just to see what's there (in fact I did so twice in the last week, once for a particular pairing in a L.M. Montgomery book and once for all The Count of Monte Cristo fics, Sam's next project). I've never looked at any DJATS fics ever and I'd rather not know. So I didn't know there were fics that made Billy a bad father. I suppose people can write what they want, if they need to make Billy worse for their preferred ship to exist, well, they're free to do so, if it makes them happy. I loathe cheap, lazy plot devices and villainisation for the sake of making the protagonist look better, or making the reader/viewer care about the author's favourite pairing. I tend to feel the exact opposite of what the writer(s) want me to feel. So merely hearing about the Billy as bad father fics makes me hate them, lol.

It's not true, anyway. The show didn't exactly do Billy any favours with erasing the twins, bc in the book, he was with Camila while she was giving birth to them, holding her hand etc, in contrast to Julia's birth. But even so, we have some evidence of him being a better dad, like when he rang Camila while on the Aurora tour and wanted to hear Julia just sleeping. They could have done more and I suspect they really did, that there were more scenes that they eventually cut. Idk, but this picture just makes me think there must have been more. Who knows...

So while he may not have been the world's best dad, he was not a bad one either. After all, as I started saying lately, (about real people but it goes for fictional too), people can be more than one thing.

Saying that, Eddie gives me mild incel vibes. If Camila wanted to be with Eddie, she'd be with him. "I'd choose you over everyone" means nothing, it's just words. It was a bit of a lazy shortcut for Camila to cheat with him, but that's just one of the show's sins. They gave Camila a creative profession and then did a fuck all with it, like why couldn't she have connected with a fellow photographer? Like that dude she talked to in the dark room or whoever it was.

I wonder if soon we'll start seeing articles on Screen Rant et al about how "wrong we were to ship Billy and Daisy and how emotional affairs ruin the lives of everyone around them" or something similar. More likely, though, the show will fade into obscurity which I will honestly be thankful for. I'm glad that Sam got what he needed out of it (he talked about it in interviews) and I'm glad Camila got some recognition, she just won a breakthrough award at Critics Choice and I'm glad Suki and the others got to be in it and the songs are good, and I wish them well, and I wish the writers a very hope your pens break and drafts get deleted and I hope Hello Sunshine burns down.

[skydigiblogs]

sky and company continue to be mad about tri

man, i just started tri: loss, and that whole starting montage capped off with that ending inquiry by the narrator--- the "what happens to those who are not chosen?" could have been pretty interesting if tri seemed at all interested in talking about the existence of apocalymon beyond being meicoomon's macguffin dad :/

[this got stupidly long so i'm putting it under a readmore]

like idk? having yggy be the enemy at the root of tri's conflict, retconning the ultimate enemy the original digidestined fought to just be the dark masters (but now they don't talk and piemon just t-poses menacingly at you), and then still having that question be a surface-level part of your movie series is just... frustrating, man.

i know i'm apocalymons georg over here, yeah, yeah, not everything has to be apocalymon, but like. this is supposed to be the adventure canon, and tri did bring his ass into this with meicoomon's entire existence. so???

if you're going to ask "what happens to those who are not chosen..." don't y'all already know?? lmao??? at least with digimon, they get forgotten and coagulate in death to become depressed polyhedrons of flesh and machinery

tri had the opportunity with a lot of its toys to ask some very interesting questions about how the world is structured in the adventure canon, and imo the question of "what happens to those who are not chosen" obviously brings in apocalymon, but also gets at something i think 02TB really nailed.

that's to say, tri wants you to ask this question but really doesn't give you anything interesting to think about with it, despite obviously wanting you to think about himekawa and tapirmon as "those who are not chosen," but from my understanding (i'll correct myself if i'm proven wrong), besides just being pissed at homeostasis and then dying in a field, himekawa doesn't actually... do anything to really ponder that question for the audience??? she just exists to be cartoonishly evil and suffer to suffer, like. come on bandai.

this is contrasted by 02TB, which takes from this idea of destiny and tries to flip it on its head. whether we believe rui and ukkomon's interpretations of events is something i want to read a bunch of essays on (god i enjoyed 02TB but i also feel like i need to really dig into some good posts talking about translation theory before i touch it in an essay of my own). that said, it also asks this same question to a degree: what happens to those who are not chosen (when there becomes no such thing anymore)? we choose our own destiny.

(also yes i know it's funny i say himekawa exists just to suffer when rui's backstory is Like That, but also. i would argue that at least rui is a character. himekawa gets 3 movies of screentime before loss and all i can tell you about her is that she doesn't like being called himi, her partner digimon is dead, and she's okay with lying to people for her goals. we know nothing of her backstory beyond tapirmon being dead so she can suffer. what was her adventure like? what was she thinking while she OKed the shit done to meicoomon in the name of her dead partner? tri does nothing to answer this, while 02TB at least tries to tell a story about rui and his relationship to his Maybe Dead, Maybe Not Dead partner ukkomon.)

in tri, himekawa never gets over the loss of tapirmon, and gets duped by gennai (Sith Ver.) into helping trigger a reboot, but like??? characterization wise, i want her to actually engage with this question, since she's the one who uttered it before the narrator echoes it in the intro to tri 4. is tri's answer to its own question really "those who are not chosen wallow in their own misery and make it the problem of those around them?"

apocalymons george is a statistical outlier and---

i really wish there had been much tighter writing with tri and its attempts to setup and engage with the themes it brings up on a surface level, because i do think, actually, having himekawa's basic sketch of a character could have been very interesting had it been handled better. i actually think the idea of exploring a similar theme to what apocalymon's whole deal was (those unchosen wallowing in their misery), especially thanks to the libra being from his code (if that also wasn't just a mystery box symptom like the digimon kaiser outfit for dark gennai), could have been a very good way to tie together tri's thematic core.

but like also, so far, as i'm starting movie 4, i don't even know what tri's thematic core is!!! and i've watched this whole movie series before!!! what do you want to be? what is your identity?

like okay, maybe the throughline really is "suffer, then," because they execute meicoomon in the final movie so she can die for the memories of others! they martyr meicoomon like they martyred tapirmon, and i still don't think that's a satisfying discussion of that theme if that's the question they want to ask! augh!!!

i know a large part of this has to do with how tri was produced but like. man.

man.

[multiplicity-positivity]

Hey! I’m an alter who was formed to be a protector (im not familiar with did terms, but I think “protector” is the right word). I fronted during traumatizing events and I front sometimes to handle triggering situations or to take over the body while another alter experiences ptsd/any other Bad Things

I haven’t fronted very often since we moved out of our abuser’s home (years ago) and I’ve never fronted for more than a few days. Usually when I front, our gatekeeper will kinda be there with me and talk to me (idk if that’s co-con). But right now it’s all quiet. I can’t hear anyone, I can’t talk to anyone. And I’ve been fronting for almost a month.

I’m older than the body (and most alters) and I know I’m supposed to be the one that has everything under control, but right now I’m stressed beyond belief and no one will talk to me. I’m the one who fixes stuff but I got thrust to the front with nothing to fix, and I just don’t know what’s going on.

hey, we’re so sorry to hear you’re going through something like this!

we know this probably isn’t too reassuring, but from what we understand it’s common for many systems to experience extended periods of silence from the rest of their system sometimes. this could be for a multitude of reasons, and unfortunately we worry that the best way through it is to try and wait it out!

maybe you could try poking around your headspace (if y’all have one), compiling collections of things that remind you of your system members, and occasionally reaching out internally, even if you feel like you’re alone, to see if you can get a response. we know it’s not much, but maybe one of these things could help you discover a headmate, feel like you have a bit more control over your situation, or at least help ease feelings of loneliness and isolation.

from one protector to another, i (kip) really understand how scary and difficult it can be realizing that you don’t have as much control or ability to fix situations in your system as you used to or once thought you had. i also know how exhausting it can be fronting for much longer than you had ever expected to! we want to reassure you that you’re not alone in your struggles - there are lots of systems out there who have been through very similar situations.

if you are out to anyone in your life about your system (a therapist, family member, friend, etc), it may be helpful for you to tell them about what’s going on and how you’ve been handling it. even if they don’t know much about system experience or how to help you, it may be beneficial just for you to speak about this to someone who knows and cares about you and your system. sometimes just vocalizing our struggles and sharing them with a friend can do so much to ease inner tension!

regardless, we truly are so sorry you’re having to go through this difficult situation alone. we hope that your headmates will resurface soon and you won’t be alone for much longer!! in the meantime, please do your best to take care of yourself and not beat yourself up for things that are outside of your control. we’re rooting for you, and we wish you the very best!

🐢 kip, 💫 parker, and 🌸 margo