#idk summer is just a weird transition time

[non-un-topo]

See I would try to socially transition for a few years first, except no one refers to me as he/they

[rahleeyah]

What's your take on why SVU has been referring so much to Johnny D and William Lewis this season? Two different characters naming them outright in different episodes, and also all the trial parallels with the Lewis trial. Do you think they're building to something specific in the finale this week for Benson?

I would like to think that they are; in the dgraz era they have been much more intentional about their choices and much better about follow through and it feels like there has to be a Point, even if we don't know what it is yet. I do think there is also a possibility that given the short season and extremely short period for writing and filming that perhaps they do not have the time to get to the Point this season, and are instead laying groundwork for something to happen next season (if they're allowed the room to actually act on it). It is never outside the realm of possibility that they end the season on a cliffhanger, and if I was them at this moment in time I would, just to have something to keep people talking about the show over the summer. Now what that something might actually be, I have no idea, it's not like they've given us anything to go on in the trailer.

But if I may put on my clown shoes for a moment and make a bonkers suggestion:

Can you imagine if the SVU finale ends with Liv at Elliot's door saying "there's something I need to talk to you about?"

Now I do think that's unlikely just timing wise - are svu and oc happening concurrently? So would Elliot even be home? There's no way, I think, that they pick up that conversation in oc bc oc has a lot of plot to wrap up in their finale and can't be devoting time to svu drama and the transition from an svu that ends with eo together to an oc that doesn't acknowledge it would be weird.

But it is I think not impossible that Liv comes to a decision on that - talking to Elliot, in general or about Lewis specifically - in the svu episode. A phone call would do it.

IDK yeah I think they are going somewhere I just don't know where and I don't know how much of it we're gonna see on Thursday and how much will have to keep for later.

[daughter-of-sapph0]

quick question, what's an era 2 tumblr user? we have eras??

it's sorta something I made up myself. tumblr has gone through various shifts in presentation and tone that dramatically affected how people use the website. honestly idk if anyone besides me actually uses this system, but I'm gonna use it anyway because it's funny

so Era 1 is from the start of tumblr until dashcon. this is where the dashboard had those weird lines on the side of reblogs, was the hight of superwholock, allows editing other people's posts, and was filled the overwhelming prevalence of fandom. back then, tumblr wasn't very mainstream and most people who used it were big nerds (affectionate). so there was a strong sense of community between people who had shared interests.

Era 2 starts after dashcon in summer of 2014. this was a disaster of an event that sorta boosted tumblr's popularity for better or for worse. this is also when I first joined in late 2015 as an undertale blogger originally (my first blog has since been deleted though). this is what I'd call the meme era of tumblr. it's when most of the most popular jokes are from. it's when massive inside jokes and tumblr references started. and it's the time where the most people were active. and it lasted until about late 2018 with the porn ban

Era 3 was kicked off with many users deciding to leave tumblr near the end of 2018 beginning of 2019. tumblr's policy on porn up until then had been "go nuts. show nuts" until it was bought by virison who tried their best to make it "family friendly". the whole thing was handled very poorly ("female presenting nipples") and didn't even get rid of all porn, just porn from sex workers and artists who sold nsfw content to make a living. most of those people left for sites like twitter, and many other sfw artists (and also people who just used tumblr for free porn) left with them. for a while, tumblr was pretty empty. but not entirely. there were still very close knit communities, arguably even closer than Era 1 even. and honestly, this is when tumblr was at its most usable. it was quiet. the only thing that you had to worry about was the occasional porn bot (and staff's growing authoritarianism, but we'll get to that). it's hard to argue when exactly Era 3 ends. I like to say it's when elon musk bought twitter, but I also think it might have started a bit before then. it's more of a slow transition that happened sometime between early and late 2022

Era 4 is the return era. when everyone who went to twitter came crawling back. this was sorta kicked off with staff starting to be more lax with their porn restrictions. but don't think that staff was having a change of heart and suddenly nice. for the longest time, they had been overstepping boundaries and abusing their authority, such as banning mainly Black and leftist users calling them "Russian psyops". it was also around this time that people discovered that there were several terfs on the development team, and that was likely the reason they didn't ban nazis and terfs despite both being in clear violation of the tos. tumblr staff tried to distract from this controversy by adding a bunch of gimmicks. the crabs for April fools, blazing posts, checkmarks, tumblr live. this for some reason actually worked, and a lot of people just forgot or didn't care about staff any more, and it actually brought in a lot of new users. I have no idea how long Era 4 will last. all the Eras have been kicked off with a massive change in how social media operates that becomes more dramic and impactful each time. so short of the us government completely banning tiktok for good, I doubt Era 4 will end any time soon.

sorry this turned mostly into a rant against staff near the end. as you can obviously tell, I'm sorta biased towards Era 2 and 3, as that's when I had the best experiences with tumblr. and a lot of the problems I have with the site today can be traced back to staffs stupid decisions and abuse of power and authority.

but yeah. I hope that makes sense.

[dangerously-human]

Bible study bestie asked me when I saw her on Friday for her husband's birthday dinner if I was feeling Some Type Of Way about this summer ending my time with the young adults group. And I said no, it feels a little strange but I know I'm ready to join a new group, and she expressed relief and added that some people had been saying things like "are you really going to kick Rachel out just because she's turning 31" and heavily implying that I was unhappy about it. To which I replied, "You are the person I am closest to; if I was upset about something, you'd be the person I'd come to about it anyway, but even more so if I was somehow upset with you for enforcing this rule - I think we're pretty good at addressing things directly." Which, like, I guess maybe, if I were a petty person, I could consider it being on her - before she and her husband took over, the group never really had a stop point, it was just assumed to be thirty-something, and I happen to be the first person officially aging out. But that's a completely reasonable expectation, and she and I have been talking about it all year, planning for the future, and we're going to join the next group together (while she keeps running this one), so it doesn't especially feel like a big deal. I think she feels a tiny bit guilty, because usually when people have moved on, it's because of getting married/having kids, but there are plenty of single women in the women's group, I'm not worried about that.

She was relieved, anyway, and it kicked off a good conversation for us; but I guarantee you the worry attributed to me was coming from the young whippersnapper, who's been kind of freaking out about losing me lately, I think. Well, I know, actually, because part of his confession letter was this whole thing about how he panics a little whenever I talk about moving after I graduate and starts thinking maybe he should just come with me. (Oof.) I know he's operating from a schema of friend abandonment, and I've been trying to reassure him he's solidly stuck with me - while also putting some temporary distance in place to give him space to move past his crush, so on review, maybe it kind of seems like I don't mean it. As always, I'm a little frustrated by the unearned possessiveness while sympathetic to where it's coming from. Oddly, though, BSB seemed to imply this was coming from more than one person, which seems strange to me, because the only other people I'm close with in the group don't really come anymore, so I'd be surprised if they voiced concern about me not being there. Sort of the opposite, even: I've thought for a while that my "graduation" might end up being the final kick for the adventurer to stop coming, not exactly because of me specifically, but it's kind of far since he moved, and we've been the older pair for quite some time now - teased fairly often as "Mom and Dad" - so without me there, he might feel less like he belongs. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Idk, the whole thing is weird - not bad, just strange. It's a transition, and I have to be intentional about making time to see these friends when we won't automatically cross paths every Wednesday, and I should make it clear to them that I do plan to do that so it doesn't look like I've outgrown them. And I don't really love that my only real Bible study options from here are sex-segregated, but that's not really a requirement, it's just that the only other combined ones are during the workday, so mostly for retirees. I do think that's a weird pattern in churches, though. This post is getting so long and I'm not even sure I'll actually post it after all, I'm just having lots of thoughts and August is the time to be thinking about endings and beginnings and the melancholy in between, isn't it?

[rrxnjun]

okay (cracks knuckles) ik whipping out the laptop means serious business for people our age, so thank you bar🥺 and you answering everything made me emotional so lemme reciprocate......yes I like u, more now

Yes they both are your only smuts and not so explict at that and being non explicit is again wholesome for me and hence more delusion inducing. I love both the type of smuts though, explict because oof it's hot and detailed and it makes me distant enough to not get too attached but if it is emo or angsty then I am doomed. Smut makes me go like ew the characters did the bad and dirty stuff and are not so pure and angelic ewww (for me to not live under their skin XD and be sane). I like smut without plot for sure but verrrry short in length, just for giggles yk, and not like 10 chapters of pure fucking (idk how ppl do that😭), then I need plot because where is the buildup and story and feelings. Implicit because it makes me yearn when I am in the mood to not be sane and detach from reality. But I get your point, usually people feel that way i guess, i m weird and horny bxdjnf.

And oh you did NOT like Liebestraum, whyyyy >:( if i may ask (omg sweet(est) anon let me kiss your feet snjhdd) but thanks so much for actually putting it up here (online friends and meeting ur tumblr anon 3 times irl?????? U live in a movie??? R u not real??? I feel it's possible). And oh OH OH, this is why OMG i get it now!!! because ur own feelings are resembled in Jisung's monologue and summer feels like THAT for you, it felt more real to me. As I said I was born in summer and rain, so it's like a part of me, an essence of mine, to feel and connect so much with the summery blues, so that and ur own resemblance made it suureal and easy for me to connect so deeply (i am SLIGHTLY dramatic) Because yk how usually with y/n fics, I resonate or try to at least with the y/n's feelings or imagine from a 3rd pov but this made me feel what Jisung was feeling throughout as my own feelings 😭🥹🥹, I felt like I was left behind without that last meeting instead of Jisung GODJDJSJSJSJSJ, please I will cry, I even told my roommate about this fic and Liebestraum and everything so randomly (she doesn't even follow kpop now and has only read bts fanfics in the past ), please let me kiss u :3 (My fav season is actually the transition from winters ending to spring to summers (spring is kinda short where I live and fall is even shorter otherwise it would have been my favorite too) so yes basically summers approaching because they are not as hot and I don't have to shiver all the time and I see the sun but to an extent that is pleasant) I feel like where I live it gets super duper hot in summers so ppl lean towards winters more.

And no by ur carrd being cute I didn't mean JUST the template but what you wrote, that was cute, u r cute. And IKR, ik so many 03 liners irl because of class but online? They do not exist. One year older? Yess, one year younger? Tons but same age? NAH . And oohh cool, I just completed my bachelors and now I feel lost, gonna go for Masters Clinical prolly but yes idk what I will do after that either and I dread research and therapy even so yeah maybe diagnostics lol. (I am ahead of u, but probably gonna take a break this year, let's get at the same level then :D). You make me wanna re-test my mbti it's been a while ;)

And I am probably gonna read Potential or the self sabotage one, Chenle yes, I rarely find good stuff about him. Wish me luck, I saw people sobbing in your asks regarding Potential 😭. (Thanks for not getting mad but it's understandable even if u do)

I do not listen to Dominic but I will check that song out, for you, to try n feel what you said <3

Let's be friends, can i try sliding into your dms time to time🤸🏻‍♀️

hihihi happy to hear u like me more now 🫶🏻 i like you too 🤭🤭

AHAHA okay i get you but also i definitely read smuts that made me delusional before... this one smut i read i cannot stop thinking about it IT WAS PWP TOO 😭😭😭 sigh. Yeah 10 chapters of pure fucking is not really my cup of tea either. Its like when the smut count in a fic goes past 2 im like well this is too much isnt it🤨 (and then i realize real ppl fuck and im just being a virgin.)

I will tell my friend u wanna kiss her feet /j HAHAHA yeah we met last october for the first time!! She lives in a country next to mine so periodically we take turns and take a train to each others capital 🥰 it definitely feels like a dream like wow life didnt end at 17 i am 21 now and meeting online friends and travelling and wow. And yeah kinda!! Also i feel that i dislike most of my angst for some reason ??? And i dont really know why if im being honest TT its like maybe i feel a bit pretentious ?? I have no idea its a whole thing 😭😭 but once again i feel very honored that you connected so deeply with a work of mine 🫶🏻 its still baffling to me haha. TELLING UR ROOMMATE IS ALSO ANOTHER LEVEL WHAT

omg i actually dislike spring but also like it at the same time ?? I was born in spring! but i dislike the unreliable weather but also theres something abt seeing the sun after months of winter that cures ur depression a little doesnt it😭😭 it gets crazy hot in summers here too!! Like next wednesday its supposed to be 36°C 😀😀😀😀 im gonna d*e. I would say i prefer winter to summer but i think u couldve guessed that from my previous reply HAHA

DJDJS me? Cute? 🤭🤭 no, YOU are. but you are SOOO right i see so many 04 liners online its crazy. Most of my mutuals on here are 04-05 liners it makes me feel OLDDD. Omg thats so cool 😯😯 i think clinical is too far from my abilities LMAOO but then again idk idk. When i was little i wanted to do psych because of clinical but then i got into uni and realized how difficult it is and how i am a gifted child burnout so :// and i feel like therapy isnt for me it would burn me out too much. I was thinking of art therapy perhaps ?? but the easiest way to get emploeyed would be school or educational psych here so we'll see maybe ill go for that ?? tell me what ur mbti is after!!

AAAA self sabotage i dont really like either (i seem to dislike a lot of my work LMAO) but potential is one of my most fav fics ive ever written 🤍 i didnt really think it was THAT angsty but i kind of treated it as my therapy session lmao so...,.,,. Yeah maybe thats why. hope u like it! I am very proud of it,, it was a spontaneous work of mine but im happy with how it turned out :,)

what kind of music do u listen to?? :oo i am a HUGE dominic fan no one underastands the sunburn album the way i do </33 hope u like it if u listen to it:)

LETS BE FRIENDS !! u can slide into my dms any time altho i am uhh not really as active on this blog lately ((since i made my other one this has been collecting dust. Shame on me 😭😭😭😭) but i will try to get back to u asap !! (Or we can talk on discord?)

[borom1r]

hmmm 3, 5, 6, 11, 14, 20, 22, 26, 38, 40 for the fun questions meme <3

ooooooo ok these’ll b inchresting :3

3- 3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?

th lotr trilogy (duh), I Saw the TV Glow, The Last Unicorn :3

5- what made you start your blog?

THIS blog? suicide bait on my old blog :3

tumblr in general? a friend showed it to me in high school n i made one n my life was irreversibly changed lmfao

6- what’s the best and worst part of being online/a creator?

ATTENTION. double edged sword. like ok i try not to let myself care abt attention and try to be rlly careful now abt who i interact with but at the same time it rlly is validating when things Get Attention. some of my favorite fics have little to no engagement :( n like yea its not healthy to create FOR engagement (fast track 2 burnout) but its also like very disheartening to put time n effort n passion into sth only for it to fizzle out in the void

but whatever. ill make weird art forever

11- what do you consider to be romance?

THIS IS SO FUNNY 2 GET bc soooo much recently has made me reevaluate like. how I perceive this lollllll

anyways short answer: idfk man!!!!!!! close friendships n romance r incredibly cloudy in my mind cuz ive got a bad case of dogbrain!!

long answer is i just don’t quantify that stuff the way neurotypical ppl do :3 ties into th autism + nonhumanity. i also think cis ppl being attracted to me is gross lol. ideal romance for me is bein held n tended to like a noble knight tends their sword. I feel love like a dog feels abt their human!!! dogbrained!!! romance is being a guard dog, being a Really Good Boy but just soooo disconnected from like. idk allosexual/neurotypical quantifiers of “romance” for me lol

+ i don’t use th label rlly but im def somewhere on th ace spectrum lol like physical intimacy is only rlly “safe” conceptually when its completely disconnected from th realm of possibility. like thirsting over celebrities or like th knight i have a crush on. + cis ppl desiring me is rlly like.. ew 😒 don’t look @ me anymore man

14- what’s something you’ve always wanted to do but maybe been to scared to do?

UM. funnily enough im gonna do th Big Thing this summer :3 im going 2 th renaissance festival shirtless this year now tht im post op

s’gonna be scary showin off my scars but i rlly wanna go all out n celebrate finally havin top surgery. like im alive!! despite everything im alive n im happy ^_^ so cis people be damned, im gonna run around like a lil wolfguy for the first weekend!!!!!

20- favourite things about the night?

i love the moon :3

i also love how still n quiet things get

22- say 3 things about someone you love

ITS SO BRAVE!!!!!!!!! ITS LITERALLY THE FUNNIEST GUY I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM SO PROUD OF IT FOR HOW MUCH WORK IT DOES TO BETTER OUR COMMUNITY N PROUD OF IT FOR PURSUING TRANSITION + CANT WAIT TO SHARE MORE TRANS JOY W/ IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(hiiiiiii Ly hehe!!)

26- fave colour and why?

when i was a kid my favorite colors were neon yellow n neon pink :3 they still kinda are but now i usually stick to like lime green or bright red paired w black. forest green + dark blue r gr8 too

38- fave song at the moment?

DONT ASK ME TO PICK JUST ONE???????

here r some I’ve had on loop lately: Far Away (Roadside Ghost), Anthems for a Seventeen Year Old Girl (Broken Social Scene), I’m Already Gone (Baroness), Sex for Homework (MSI)

40- any bad habits?

oh yea i have dermatillomania lol

it doesn’t rlly bother me to talk abt bc i think “gross” stuff like that deserves to be less stigmatized— my shoulders n back are COVERRRRREED in little scars + scabs

[clockswatches]

I think my dad just made a transph0bic joke but it was...kinda bizarre?

there was a dust devil, and apparently they've been happening a lot lately, so I figured it was because it's just Weird Weather Time since we're transitioning into summer

and my dad was like "like el niño to el niña? that's been the cause of a lot of weirdness lately"

like I get he was probably responding to me saying "transition" but I still felt. baffled. idk if I'm just being Autistic about it but like. if you're gonna be an asshole, at least be coherent

[whentherewerebicycles]

I am really tired of being in a bad mood!! I wish I were having a fun week at work doing the job I love instead of wasting all this time! I hate being stuck in a negativity spiral but I’m just so socially overstimulated and annoyed I can’t quite manage to wrench myself out of it. going to gently cajole myself into saying five good things:

I bought several pairs of cute pants today that I hope will alleviate some of my clothes anxiety esp as we transition into fall. I kinda maybe need to start making myself go on dates again and removing the outfit anxiety will make that a little bit easier on me.

I got to have hot pot for dinner with liz and alex because now they live five minutes away from me and I can have dinner with them anytime I want 😭😭😭😭😭 we giggled a lot and also the food was so good

I didn’t want to walk the dogs when I got home because it was so dark and wet out but I felt bad for leaving them alone for so long today. we just took a short walk around the neighborhood but I felt better

I had a really nice time talking with my work bff today when we were both skipping one of the sessions. she’s just interesting and funny and fun to talk to! we have clicked since day one despite our age difference and I feel like we’re probably going to become actual friends and not just work friends. we were supposed to coordinate our hybrid schedules so only one of us would be in our shared office at a time but we agreed that we like sharing the space so much we want to keep coming in on the same days. anyway it’s just nice to have somebody you like hanging out with at work.

I had a couple intense downswings into Very Bad Feelings today that felt out of proportion to the situations at hand. this was not a good thing in itself haha but it did feel like the kind of volatility I associate with PMS. my tracking app thinks I should be starting my period tomorrow or the next day and I am just like. on my knees praying we are about to start things up again. I think the weather is going to be nice again but today it was an intensely gloomy rainy day that really felt like The First Day of Fall and idk I just like the symbolism of my period arriving as a way to mark the end of this weird intensely unhappy summer and (hopefully) the beginning of a different season of my life. who knows! please beam START BLEEDING energy in the direction of my uterus thanks!

[tame-a-messenger]

Re: the last ask but only about the smosh games part, because I don't have fully formed opinions on pit tbh

I feel like with the amount of videos smosh games puts out, they couldn't do "love is blind" type videos 3 times a week. Logistically, energy wise, and financially.

The guesses videos are just a lot easier to produce and I feel pretty confident about saying that they need to do that to keep up the posting schedule. (Technically not those specific videos, but formats in that ball park.)

If they should is another question but probably they have to, because money. Idk how much profit smosh makes, but their margin must be a lot slimmer than people imagine. All the salaries they have to pay, etc. And yk how shayne and stuff talked about feeling like smosh would had to shut down if Anthony didn't come back. That makes me feel like they were barely turning profit in those times and now it prob is better, but not extremely more.

Smosh games is simultaneously the one that makes the best and the most boring videos. From all smosh channels, it is least consistent, and I think it very much has to do with the amount they produce. And realistically, that won't change.

They good thing is that you can skip a bunch of uploads and still have multiple new smosh games videos you can watch per week.

But yeah if all those considerations weren't on the table the perfect smosh games would be a lot of gaming content mixed with high energy character videos (love is blind falls under that too). And of course the pinnacle, characters playing video games.

Sadly my wish won't come true, because of what I just stated but also because the types of videos I enjoy typically get the least views on top of that (not always but yeah). I suffer from too great of taste djkds.

I think what you said about them having to turn profit is the sole reason they do so much of the "lackluster" content like the Guesses videos. Those videos get consistent views for all uploads (averaging about 600k views which I believe makes them "roughly" $18k if monetized) and are really easy to make, for filming and editing.

Like I've said and am sure everyone is aware of, they make a lot of videos because they know it'll get a certain number of views. Look at Reddit Stories! Whereas if one-off videos don't get views they don't do them again typically.

The topic of why they decide to certain videos isn't really what I'm the most peeved about. (even though it DOES peev me! It's at the least understandable why they do it)(we talked about how they could transition to doing other videos without loosing money here)

The main thing I want from Smosh is for them to better focus on what the ACTUAL community wants! somebody has to watch their content so they can make money? I don't understand why it's far and between when they do stuff for the fans. We've been saying that we want the Summer/Winter Games back since it's been gone, it's like whoever runs the creative directing(?) (whoever decides the video concepts) pays almost no attention to comments/generally anything Smosh related on the internet. It's like they only focus on their personal timeline and the trending tab.

(Rant incoming!->

Full shade, I really don't think the social team takes their jobs seriously. Something has to be going wrong behind the scenes for so much shit to come off so weird. Mainly talking about the disaster with Sword AF S2, idk who's idea it was to let the community know they couldn't do it WHEN IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE RELEASED. Their is no good reason they couldn't let us know sometime before. (however I am open to what they have to say) It just felt like they didn't really care about people that were excited. I had popcorn ready and my schedule cleared for the day so I could watch it :( waiting on the clock to watch the upload, just to get-> "Ooopsie! teehee! We didn't finish it! So sorry lol!" ...

They still haven't teased/released any further info about when it's coming back which makes me think they FOR SURE knew it wasn't gonna be ready by the date THEY FUCKING SET THEMSELVES, which again if they knew they couldn't do it in time why not announce like a week before? even an hour before would have been fine! but no, they sent out the community post at 10am pst when they were supposed to drop S2..)

The only thing the social team (if they handle this even) is the YT shorts and the Tiktoks. Pretty much everything else I can think of they could do better in my opinion

Sorry to rant about stuff I've already talked about, but this is really just to easy of a fix to not point out when I can.

Pay attention to what your community wants. You WILL get rewarded for it.

[coffee-at-annies]

1, 4, and 9 for the end of year ask meme?

1. song of the year

My top Spotify song for the second year in a row was Put ‘Em Up by Priory

My top song that came out this year is either something off of sm(f)s (idk which it’s been a hot minute since I listened to the album so they’re all blurring in my memory) or Get Happy by Matt Maeson

4. movie of the year

I wanna say Godzilla but I still haven’t seen it. (Curse the holidays for no free time, terrible-never-want-to-leave-my-house-again weather, and every other excuse). Hopefully I’ll get to see it this week. I don’t think I’ve seen a lot of new movies this year but it’s probably a coin flip between Asteroid City or Barbie.

Reason why Barbie: it’s so good and pink lovely and everything I wanted from the Barbie movie. Is it high art? Doesn’t need to be. It does what it set out to do and looks fabulous doing it.

Reason why Asteroid City: if you like Wes Anderson this is the most Wes Adnerson movie and it works basically any way you shake it. It pulled me in, got me on board with the framing device immediately, and sold me on whatever story it was trying to tell. Plus the alien is wonderfully weird and should take me out of the story but if anything it draws me in. If you like Wes Anderson you’ll like this. If you don’t like him, don’t watch this. If, like me, the most Wes Anderson you’ve watched is his early stuff during a hs film class, try him again his current stuff - while still very stylized - is much better than his early stuf f

9 best month of the year for you

Glancing through my camera roll I’m gonna say July. I don’t remember anything too headachy from work. I started that month with free Hawaiian shirt night at PNC park and ended it with Yinzerpalooza. In between I drove down to Charlotte and visited my cousin and saw Fall Out Boy live. Barbie Movie came out and I think that’s around when I saw Asteroid City. Based on the memes I have saved I think July 1st was free agency which means Jars re-signing. So yeah. That feels right. My mental health is just better in the summer when I can see the sun. The summer seasonal depression was minor this year (so either I got better at managing it or it was caused entirely by the sudden end of school and any associate routines) and July being in the middle has always been a pretty transitional month without feeling like a blink and it’s gone.

[bayofwolves]

rachel berenson headcanons bc i love that girl.

loves loves loves cassie. would die for cassie. (they have been known to make out on occasion)

they met when they were 8 at a summer camp in santa monica; cassie had just moved from virginia and and rachel had just moved from los angeles. coincidentally, they would be going to the same school in the fall. rachel started off thinking cassie was pretty weird, but she defended her from some bullies (like a champ) and spent a bit of time watching her poke around in the dirt, water the flowers and talk to the birds and the butterflies. by the end of the week, cassie had asked rachel to be her best friend by making little friendship bracelets for the two of them.

rachel ALWAYS wore her bracelet, and i mean ALWAYS. it's just plain beads, leftover accessories from when cassie had braids to decorate, but rachel never cared if it didn't match her outfit. she ALWAYS wore that thing. eventually they had grown so much that the bracelet was too small to be worn on the wrist, so rachel switched to wearing hers around her ankle and has been doing so ever since. it's so old and worn that it has snapped (she tied it back together haphazardly) and lost beads (she didn't mind), but she refuses to let it go.

she's actually left-handed!

big 3 battle morphs: grizzly bear, elephant and bald eagle.

favourite morphs (aside from big 3): cheetah, cat, german shepherd.

no pets, but she wouldn't mind a cat or a large dog like a husky. she isn’t big on either, though.

she doesn't want kids bc she feels like she's already had that experience with her little sisters. and it's true; especially since the divorce, rachel's been like a second mom to jordan (two years younger) and sara (five years younger).

she wants to drive a sports car or a motorcycle when she's older and honestly she'll probably do both.

guaranteed weak spots: her little sisters, cassie.

even mean rachel never snapped at cassie not ONCE! the most she did was glower and grumble in her direction tbh.

light golden-blonde hair, lower back length.

her eyes are like, fuckin electric ice-blue. please get her brown contacts

she is 6′0 and the tallest of the animorphs.

her ears are pierced yes BUT she ALSO has a silver nose ring. idk the backstory behind that one but it's there.

she was so overjoyed when cassie got faux locs. "girl finally you're doing something with your hair." of course, cassie proceeded to keep them tied back 24/7. "it's so they don't get in the way when i work!" "you work around the clock?" "pretty much...?"

she does like how cassie uses her own bracelet, the one matching with rachel's, to tie the locs back, tho. she took special notice of that.

this girl is a femme lesbian !! i know it when i see it. she and cassie are like a textbook example of femme4butch.

she's an aries.

she was born just a month before jake. throughout the war they came to see each other as brother and sister really

usually she HATES physical touch. like "get off me or in three seconds i will vaporize you." she can stand it with cassie who is a big fan of cuddling and being vulnerable and all that. but most of the time hell nah. her love language is quality time alll the way.

rachel is a BIG FAN of cass as a nickname for cassie. she tends to save it for when they’re alone together tho.

cassie’s nickname for rachel is rach. it was their special thing but marco didn’t gaf and started calling her rach too. so did jake (he picked it up from marco)

rachel and marco were actually quite close before he transitioned. they grew apart, then grew back together during the war. they are an Unstoppable duo. their chemistry could blow up the world.

she is jewish yes this is canon but i feel like it's not touched upon enough. it's very important to her! she is ethnically and culturally jewish, but an atheist!

rachel’s last words, “i love you”, were directed to ALL of the animorphs. cassie, tobias, jake, marco and ax. i just think it feels right.

please someone bring this girl back to life so she can go home and marry cassie with jake as best man Thanks.

i do have an au where the ellimist stopping time for rachel at the moment of her death actually meant something (he rewound the tapes a bit and let her live). thumbs up

[woodsdyke]

im not much of a ~sign from the universe~ person but i've had some recent experiences and thoughts that have like really suddenly culminated in a 'huh. i think it's time to leave colorado' revelation. which has been in the back of my mind for a while now but just this morning i think i completely decided and it seems right

(long weird post under the cut)

i'm leaving in october (september maybe) and probably going to washington for a bit, taking a year off (i mean, just no school, obv i have to work) to apply to doctoral programs and chill on the beach for a year. i've wanted to live in the PNW for a while and one of my best friends lives in seattle. and then after that i'll go wherever the hell my Ph.D takes me

i haven't had one of these big transitions since 2017 when i moved out here to colorado. it's weird. i'll miss my friends and my favorite little coffee shops and my neighbors and going swimming at crater lake in the summer and taking photos in the backcountry but i will not miss this city

i like moving around, i feel like my method is getting to know a place as well as i possibly can and then decide it's time to go. and it's been 6 years but yeah. i know denver very well by now and i appreciate what it's done for me but we've reached the logical conclusion.

idk! a lot to think about lately. i just came out of a 2 month depressive episode (bipolar rules) and i guess my brain is working overtime to make up for how useless and blank it was for a while

it sounds cheesy but i'm ready for a new adventure ig. looking forward to it

[peachcitt]

hey 💕 just wanted to say that I'll finally convinced one of my mutuals to read metamorphosis and i'm so excited to see them experience it.

And it just reminded me how in a way metamorphosis will always mark such a period in my life and like idk it feels special that it pinpoints such a time in my life when a lot was going on and I'll always remember those changes and new experiences because it was framed around the time of metamorphosis.

It's honestly one of my favourite fics ever and just reminds me why I love fanfic so much. Like metamorphosis for me is the epitome of what I want in fanfic; if someone asked me "okay but why do you read fanfic I don't get it" I'd point them to metamorphosis. THIS is why people read fanfic, this is how amazing fics can be this level of quality is why people are obsessed. It just feels like a masterpiece to me it makes me feel so much and just gives me everything I could ever want. Too tired to properly explain it but yeah I just think metamorphosis is the perfect example for writing that will make you feel so much and destroy you and make you squeal and scream at the characters and want to shake their shoulders but also hold them softly in your arms and tell them that they are enough to not be so hard on themselves. @anna-scribbles gets adrien on such a personal/deep level and from reading this it's so clear how perfectly you write him as well. Your Adrien is so human and real and complex and in character; I read metamorphosis and I feel like I'm in his head that you have managed to captured his existence effortlessly. Idk I'm just obsessed with your writing of adrien in metamorphosis as I think many others are and I think you're one of my favourite writers of adrien ever in fics.

I'm also obsessed with all the other fics I've read of yours (unfortunately have not read them all cos you've written so many omg like a crazy number it's insane how have you managed to write so many and each so wonderful I'm sure??!) the ladrien fic this summer that was such fun to read; also chrysalis broke me and was also just so true; the fic about the whole plan for Mari's first real kiss they're so silly and I adore them so much and the one where they're drunk and do the quiz to see if they fall in love at the end I love your humourous fics so much and they are both so dear to my heart and now I want to go reread them right this second and there's also so many more I could mention but then I'd be here for days.

Also your playlist for metamorphosis I love it so much I should go listen to it again I found so many songs I really loved that I mightn't have otherwise you have such good time one that stands out to me is music by Armors/Olen (did they change their name or something what's the story there) listened to DOA cos I liked their music so much and it's a new fave

Anyways wishing you all the best and yeah just so glad you've been so kind to share your brilliant work with us. Thanks for bringing so much joy into my life and enjoyment to all of us during metamorphosis summer 💕

thank you!!!!! i think metamorphosis also came at such a transitional period for me, and so it’s nice to think that my fic that’s all about moving on and moving forward was able to convey that sentiment to others.

and also yeah. according to anna i get adrien adrien agreste “to such a degree.” he’s my weird little boy

and thank you!! i put a lot of work and thought into my fics (even the silly ones) and so i love hearing when people love them

also im so glad i was able to help you find new music especially (!!!) olen/armors. (and yes there is a story behind the name change basically olen is the lead singer and his other bandmates gradually left the band and this summer olen finally decided to make the change and use his own name. i support him fully although it does make me sad. he’s working on new music)

thank you so much for all your kind words and thoughts and im honestly so thankful to have people like you reading my fics<3

[skylinebeemine]

mini gender ranting/venting post

So while I’m in college I’ve still been living with my mom who I’m not out as trans to. Long explanation short she would probably be fine with it however i’m way less sure about her republican boyfriend who is now also living with us so I’m holding out rather until after the election or whenever I move out whichever feels better.

Anyways because I’m not fully socially transitioning and partially because of her nagging I’ve regularly shaved my legs during the summer months and semi regularly afterwards even after I realized I was trans. however, before this summer I went maybe ~9 months without shaving my legs and it’s such a small thing yet I felt so proud/confident in myself over it. I’ve always hated wearing shorts plus it was cool enough that’s I could wear long pants the entire time and not worry about weird looks/comments.

However we went to the beach at the beginning of June and I hate having body hair whenever I wear a swimsuit. Whenever I wear more “feminine” clothes (ie a short dress/skirt) I feel like I HAVE to shave so I finally did it. I fucking hated it. Usually I can get away with the mild dysphoria by trying to have fun wearing “girly” clothes but I just couldn’t this time.

As soon as vacation was over I decided I wouldn’t shave the rest of the summer no matter what. I finally got longer shorts that I actually prefer wearing shorts over jeans so part of me was low key nervous to finally make the change I’ve been wanting to do for years, but as soon as I started doing I started liking my body more. It seems so silly but this gives me the tiniest feeling of having control over my body. It’s not even close to being as long as it was (stupid thigh hair taking forever to grow) but it still feels more right then what I was doing.

All this to say I’m going to have to start all over and shave again in October for our trip and low key I don’t know if I can do it. It’s such a small part of it but it’s got me dreading this vacation that I should be super excited for.

Anyways this is such a nothing rant but I’m just sitting here dreading what’s coming while also considering just coming out but also I know that could end so badly so idk

[homotron900]

oh crap it’s 4 am and i’m thinking again!

Don’t ask what my sleep schedule is like I don’t know either all I know is good God I need to fix it. I thought Mexico would help it but in reality it made it worse.. I just stayed up talking with my cousins instead of scrolling through Twitter (There’s no way I’m calling it X.) and TikTok or watching TV.

I have no inspiring thoughts (I don’t believe I ever have, this is just a bad transition that’s always usually mostly for myself lollll) I’m unfortunately thinking about him again though. I’m not really thinking of him the way I was last night -I woke up and saw my post then audibly sighed but left it up for.. idk fun?- I just can’t stop thinking about the person I might be without him.

When we met I was very shy and I kept to myself. We met in 8th grade, in our homeroom class of that year (In our old middle school you’d get assigned to a new advisor every year until high school). He got sat across from me and he asked me about a stupid drawing I have since kept because of the emotional attachment. It was a dumb little drawing of Zomon (Sonic Lost World had recently come out and I thought he looked soo funny). We started talking about video games and he asked me what classes I had. I don’t think I had talked to anyone in that class before that day besides the teacher. After that I started looking for him when I walked in and we started talking, getting to know each other very quickly. One of those friendships that evolves so rapidly you don't even know how you are suddenly on his bedroom floor in the middle of summer home alone because his home is like your home. Thats me being a bit dramatic (That did happen a few times though) my point is we were close. It just became us against the world. When my mom would say something shitty and get into a screaming match with me he was who I called. When my dad kicked me out (briefly..) because he thought I was gay (He is right but still wtf) I went to his house. He took me in without hesitation. I've cried in his arms countless times but I've laughed until I cried with him even more times.

And my point is that I really can’t comprehend who I might be if he’d never spoken to me that day, if he ended up speaking to me later on then what if I’d never come in contact with him whatsoever. It’s a weird feeling and not having him as close anymore makes that feeling really scary if I’m being honest. Like I don’t know who I even am when he’s not around. Man I don’t want this to be a “Mystery Boy” fan page so I think he’s out of my blogging system for a while now.

Anyways I’m going to hang out with my older sister “tomorrow” (technically in a few hours) so at least I have that to look forward to. She knows better than anyone how weird this all is so I don’t have to worry too much when i’m with her. It’s nice.

[1d1195]

Sam my love I am so glad you’re at a slightly better point! It sucks that you haven’t been feeling well :( I know it’s not easy to just “relax or calm down” but really I am glad that you did take some time for yourself! PLEASE CONTINUE TO DO SO! Don’t feel bad about not posting any new writing too! Honestly if you decided to not post anymore for whatever reason, it’s okay because you're still a person behind the screen. As long as YOU are okay or trying to get there, that is enough! You're never being dramatic, you know your body and feelings! 

Ive had such a busy weekend and I started my summer courses today(monday) which is why i haven't been on here as much :( Weekend was busy since I went thrifting and got some new skirts which I am excited about! And I went to a vintage car show! I love looking at older cars but I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THEM! I just like the vibes lol 

I also have not finished the bear yet, I'm only 4 episodes in 😭 and girl don’t get me started on how i think about the whole claire or sydney thing because I feel like I can make a whole ass dissertation on the bear HAHA especially with this new season I have MANY thoughts lol But I do agree that the first episode was an interesting watch. I think that it was an attempt to give some more backstory especially with Carmy’s training but I think that the transitions from past/present were hard to follow. But the changes were very stuble so it can easily be missed. The way I knew was by looking at his hair?? Idk maybe im reaching lol  Oh I would cry too! I didn’t grow up with so much yelling and I hate confrontation so it would not be a good environment for me lol I'm also a perfectionist so I simply would die :)! Anyways I'm hoping to have more time during this week to finish it! 

How was your weekend? Hows’ the week starting out?!

Sam you're literally the SWEETEST how would I not be nice to you😭?! I love you!!!-💜

I didn't realize you were taking summer courses! I thought you were free! I feel like we discussed that you were and like a goldfish, I forgot immediately 🤦‍♀️ (it's slowly coming back, you're making up for some lost time perhaps?) How long are the classes and are you excited about them? I actually loved my summer math classes in grad school (maybe more than my regular season classes). They were like 👌 the right amount of time and the right amount of work.

New skirts! Are they long skirts or short skirts? Any fun patterns? I also know NOTHING about cars. I would rather walk. The vintage car shows are cool though! (Sounds like another great story meet cute to use 👀)

I just finished ep 5. I think as a whole the season is weird but I'm still invested. I like it a lot. I feel like Sydney doesn't want to part own it. I'm thinking she's seeing Carmy spiraling and she's like "Maybe I don't want to tie myself into him (and the restaurant)" Idk just my prediction. OBSESSED WITH THE FAKS. "How many Faks are coming?" "At least two, less than five." Literally amazing. I think Carmy's obsession is also a little too much this season. Maybe that's the point (obvi, his non-negotiables are/were a lot). Him wanting a new menu every night is a lot for me. I'm stressing about it. I feel like I've mentioned but my bf is pretty into cooking and he thinks Carmy is modeled after Marco Pierre White (I forget his reasoning; even though it's been said The Bear is not based off a real person) but if my bf IS right, it doesn't bode well for Carmy :/ I'm obsessed with the character arcs of some of these characters. Richie and Tina for example. TINA omg I could have killed her at the beginning. What a queen. I'm trying to be vague and also not spoil anything so hopefully I didn't. But I apologize if I did.

Totally agree with you on the perfectionist front. It's rough out there. I would sob into my purees lol

Omg I don't even remember the weekend. I think it was relaxing lol I was so nervous about school stuff. Because of the 4th I'm done with the first week of school so I'm feeling much better now. Mother Nature made her appearance as well and I shouldn't have been surprised since I mentioned last week I wanted to jump into traffic which is a good signal. But anyway, I'm thriving now. Need to do some chores and I'm writing something hopefully to post for tomorrow! I want to read and go for walks as well!

Hope your classes are good, your week is good, and you're enjoying the rest of The Bear LOVE YOU! 💕

xoxo