Tumgik
#idk what ill even tell them??
qzse-rtv · 5 months
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Some sgt told me they got a email saying they had problems with me during the two weeks i spent at the 'driving school' thing???
And like, they havent told me anything about it when i was there ??
Ill know more about it next week but im going to get fuckign shit on for nothing im going to scream
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shima-draws · 6 months
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Normally Sanji is the most put together person between him and Luffy. He’s probably the most put together person on the entire crew besides Robin. Meanwhile Luffy is a walking disaster, chaos is naturally drawn to him and he’s ALWAYS getting into trouble. When it comes to their actual romantic relationship tho. It’s COMPLETELY flipped lmao
Luffy will walk out on deck with his hair slightly tousled and his vest a bit askew but that’s normal for him. He looks smug as hell but that’s also normal for him. Nobody bats an eye. Then Sanji comes tumbling out of the galley. Shirt untucked and buttoned up the wrong way, hair thoroughly ruffled, clothes rumpled, looking utterly fucking disheveled. His nose is bleeding, he’s stumbling like he’s drunk and his neck is covered in hickies. Everyone on deck proceeds to lose their goddamn MINDS
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so-very-small · 1 year
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the tiny, inside the walls, hyping themself up: It’s totally fine. Everything I’ve seen from this human shows that they’re kind, level headed, and normal. There’s utterly nothing wrong with this human, and I can totally befriend them! I shouldn’t be scared at all!
the tiny: *peeks out hole in the bathroom wall, looking up at the giant before them*
the giant, in front of the bathroom sink, obliviously doing their nightly routine: *removes their dentures*
the tiny, has no concept of what dentures are, who just saw this behemoth remove all the bones and flesh from its own mouth in one swift pull, without a flinch of pain: what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck
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ropes3amthoughts · 1 month
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Kabru Joins Laios’ Party
Description: What if Kabru was able to join Laios’ party. That’s it that’s the whole fic. I just like putting Kabru in situations.
Relationships: Laios & Kabru, Laios & His Party, Kabru and Laios’ Party, Kabru & Rin
Words: 9,637
Chapters: 1/? (Probably never gonna be finished)
Rating: Teen
Warnings: Swearing? Trauma? Drinking? I don’t really think there’s anything like big that needs a warning but if you guys think I should add one I can
Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergent, Takes place Pre-Canon, Dungeoning? Idfk, Kabru being a little freak /affectionate, Eating monsters (sort of), Kabru suffers more than Jesus, Friendship, Kabru being a fake ass bitch, Kabru and Laios are like the main guys but the other party members are there too, By other party members I mean the ones from pre-canon, Very brief appearance from Rin, Author does not know anything about alcohol or cooking or much of anything in general really, Wait now that I think about it should drinking be a tag because there is a scene with drinking even tho it’s like small drinks and nobody gets drunk, man idrk what to say about this like read it if you want to and if you don’t then don’t, I have never posted fanfic before, No Beta
A/N: I don’t have AO3 so that’s why I just formatted this like AO3 but on here. I am not much of an author lol so please do not have high standards for this at all. I planned for this to be like five chapters but it was really hard to write just this one so I don’t know if I’ll write the others. This is written kind of awkward but hey it’s just for fun and posting something is better than nothing or whatever the saying is. Anyways, fic under cut.
Kabru’s sole purpose in life was to prevent anything like the Utaya tragedy from happening again. He was lucky enough to have been spared, he would never make the mistake of taking that for granted. He would always feel indebted to whatever force decided that Kabru, the outcast kid with monster eyes, who only caused others trouble, was worth saving when everyone else had been slaughtered mercilessly.
The only way to be worthy of this life was to spend it saving others, doing something now when he did nothing then. After all, what would be the point of his survival if he did not use his dedicate himself, his knowledge, his life to preventing an incident like Utaya from ever happening again? That incident that took his world, shredded it into little pieces, and left him behind, let him live when he didn’t deserve life. It’s not something he’d wish on anyone else, it’s something he could not let happen to anyone else.
He’s on the right track now though. He had situated himself on an island off the shores of Kahka Brud. It was a cursed island with a growing dungeon and a Mad Mage responsible for it all. Kabru was going to be the island’s savior, defeat the Mad Mage, lift the curse, seal away the dungeon and its monsters, and prevent a tragedy from unfolding again. He was going to protect people. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he failed.
He also couldn’t just let anyone else do this, since whoever defeats the Mad Mage would become king, and a selfish, uncaring, immoral ruler, or the elves taking power, would not work in the interest of the people. Those types of people didn’t know what they were doing. They didn’t understand the short lived races, they wouldn’t make the right decisions, they had no good intentions. Only a certain type of person would be fit to rule. That person was certainly not Kabru, but with the way things were going, he might have to step up or else the wrong person would.
Kabru wasn’t stupid, he knew he needed a strong, well rounded party to even be able to descend into the dungeon to find the Mage. There were plenty of strong parties, but finding a party to join, however, was difficult. Not only were these groups tight knit and hard to get into, there was the larger issue at hand, that these parties were greedy, corrupt, and morally bankrupt. Kabru had no intention of working with a filthy party, he was only willing to work with someone who was committed to killing monsters and dispelling the curse over the dungeon.
Kabru follows many leads, but every single of the parties he observes is unforgivably corrupt in one way or another. With the constant failures over the past year, he’s been considering giving up on finding a party and instead making one of his own. He hasn’t given up yet, however, since he’s been hearing interesting rumors as of late; rumors about a selfless party, the Touden party.
The Touden party consists of six members: Laios and Falin Touden, the leaders of the party, Shuro, an Eastern man, Namari, a dwarf warrior, Marcille, an elf mage, and a halfling, Chilchuck. Kabru has heard many rumors of them and personally observed them himself. From what he’s heard and seen, he, frustratingly, can’t come to a conclusion about the party.
It’s difficult to figure out because he sees good things, like the the Touden party compensate past party members, but then he also sees those past party members use the money to fuel the black market. He hears that the Touden party has done great things in return for nothing, but he also hears that they’ve made things worse for others. He can’t get a definitive answer, at least, not from being a mere observer. He needs to talk to them directly.
It is the Touden party, but, from what he’s heard, Laios Touden is the main leader. He’s the one calling the shots. If he conquered the dungeon, he would be king. Is he someone Kabru could trust with that responsibility? Is he someone Kabru would want to assist or someone Kabru needs to take care of?
Kabru really has no idea. He just needs a window to talk to him. The Touden party is often seen around town and frequenting bars before and after heading into the dungeon. Before they go on their next dungeon expedition, that’s when he’ll talk to him. That’s when he’ll get his answer.
That’s what Kabru had foolishly thought, anyways. To his shock, Laios had payed him no mind, no matter what he did. Kabru could ask to talk to him directly, he could sit next to him, he could steal Laios’ gold and pretend other man had dropped it, he could pretend to accidentally bump onto him, he could ask for directions, he could bat his eyelashes and flirt with him, he could say he recognized him from somewhere, he could offer to buy him something, he could say he needed help, and none of it would work.
Every time, Laios would simply brush him off, ignore him entirely, or tell him he’s busy. Nothing got a reaction out of Laios, he was simply uninterested in Kabru, no matter what he said or what persona he put on. At first, Kabru wondered if Laios was egotistical and he thought he was too good to be talking to people like Kabru, but he saw Laios talk to a handful of other people who Kabru himself didn’t even know. Maybe Laios really just didn’t want to talk to Kabru and only Kabru. If that’s the case, why?
When he tells Rin about his poor luck with the Touden party, she goes on an angry rant about how Laios should respect him more. She tells him that he’s a great person and Laios should consider himself lucky to even talk to him. Kabru is amused by her outburst, but he thanks her nonetheless. She promises they could make a party of their own if things don’t work out. He says he’ll try a bit longer, but if not, he’ll take her up on it.
He has been trying for a while now. It’s been months since he started investigating the rumors, a little over a month since his initial attempt at conversing with Laios, and a week and a half since his conversation with Rin. He’s had no luck getting Laios’ attention and it has been far too long. Kabru can’t give up though. Laios is a promising lead, the only one he’s had actually.
He’s sitting in the bar again today, eyeing Laios and thinking of how he could approach him. Laios is with his party right now, so Kabru would have to wait until they’re separated. He thinks he’s in luck when Falin starts to get up, but none of the others move.
He sighs, but then the realization starts to set in. Falin, Falin Touden, has gotten up and is sitting at the bar counter by herself. Falin Touden from the Touden party is all by herself and could easily be talked to.
Kabru is struck with an idea. Laios may be the leader, but Falin is also a Touden, so there’s a chance she holds power over the party too. And here she is, all by herself, with empty seats beside her. If he couldn’t get anything out of Laios, maybe he could get it from Falin.
Kabru takes a seat next to her as casually as he possibly can and orders something. While the bartender is working, he looks over to her naturally, as if he were simply looking around at his surroundings. She picks up her glass, sips at her drink, makes a little mmm sound, and turns as if she is going to stand up and leave.
“What did you get?” He asks her, thinking maybe small talk would work on her when it failed with her brother. Falin jumps when he speaks to her, and then turns to look at him.
“Oh. Uhm. I got the uh…bourbon.” She says quietly and awkwardly, but she speaks to him! She listened to him and responded to what he said! This is way more progress than he made with Laios, but he doesn’t know if she’ll continue to talk to him. Kabru tries not to get his hopes up too high, but he at least hopes talking to her will make her stay at the counter with him for a minute or so and he can get even a little info.
“Is that one good?” He asks nonchalantly.
“Y-yeah. I uh like it.” She stutters, fiddling with her glass and looking away from Kabru. The bartender hands him his drink and a silence starts to fill the air. Kabru takes a sip of his own drink and thinks how he can keep this conversation going.
“Oh! I had a feeling I knew you from somewhere! You’re Falin, from the Touden party!” Kabru exclaims as if he had suddenly come to the realization and not intentionally approached her for this reason. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m Kabru.”
“Nice to meet you too.” She says meekly.
“I’ve heard a lot about you and your party. Good things of course. How’s adventuring going?” He looks to her
“It’s good.” She says, taking a sip from her drink.
“That’s nice.” He smiles, then takes a sip from his drink. “Hey, your party wouldn’t happen to need any help, does it?” He asks as if he had randomly thought of it while drinking. It did come up in his mind while he was drinking, but truthfully he had considered joining the party to gather information for some time. While he was unsure of whether or not he wanted to join the party for good, it could be a good way to figure things out.
“Uhhhh no? I don’t think so?” She answers.
“Well, if you do, I could always lend a hand. I’m proficient with a variety of weapons and I have experience with dungeons.” He says trying to sound casual. He doesn’t want to give her the impression that he’s full of himself.
“That sounds useful, but I’d have to ask the others.” She tells him. She takes a big sip of her drink to finish the last of it, sets the glass down gently, and stands up.
“Alright then. Good luck with adventuring.” He tells her. He gives her a smile and she awkwardly waves goodbye to him before returning to her table. He does his best to watch the party indiscreetly as he finishes his own drink.
When Falin sits down, everybody’s eyes are on her.
“Oh, there you are, Falin!” Laios greets her, breaking the awkward silence. “You were taking a while.”
“I didn’t mean to.” She says apologetically.
“Who was that guy?” Marcille interrogates her, leaning in close.
“I don’t really know.” Falin answers truthfully.
“Really? Why was he talking to you so much then? What were you guys talking about?” Marcille continues to press, she’s always been rather nosy.
“Have you never seen someone get hit on in a bar before? It’s pretty obvious that’s what was happening.” Chilchuck speaks up.
“No way! Falin wouldn’t have stuck around if he was flirting with her!” Marcille starts bickering with Chilchuck.
“Was that guy really flirting with you?” Shuro asks.
Laios hasn’t said anything about the guy, but he’s looking at her curiously. She looks around at the party. Marcille has shushed Chilchuck and is looking at Falin expectantly. Chilchuck just grumbles and returns to his drink. Namari isn’t interested in the drama either, so she’s also focused on her drink. Shuro has an odd expression on himself. It’s like everyone, minus Namari and Chilchuck, wants to know.
“I don’t think so.” She answers.
“What was he saying to you?” The elf asks.
“What did you say?” Shuro asks before Falin is able to respond to Marcille.
“Uh, well, he wanted to join the party? I told him I’d ask you guys.” Everybody all looks over to the guy who wants to join the party after she says it, sizing him up.
“He doesn’t look very strong.” Namari remarks.
“I feel like I’ve seen him somewhere before.” Chilchuck says, making a contemplative face as if he was trying really hard to remember where he’s seen him.
“I think I do too.” Shuro states.
“Really? I don’t recognize him at all.” Laios says.
“Why does he even want to join?” Marcille asks bitterly.
“Uh, he said something like he heard of us?” The short haired mage replies.
“That’s a stupid reason. Tell him no.” The blonde huffs.
“I can’t do that. He seemed like he really wanted to join, I’d feel bad if I said no.” Falin admits.
“Ugh. I’ll tell him then.” Marcille stands up and walks over to him.
“Wait!” Falin follows after her.
The others have started to get up too now because they’re curious and/or their drinks are finished.
Kabru, meanwhile, is frantically planning out what to say to everyone. He’s never gotten this far so he has to make sure he says all the right things. He composes himself and pretends as if he doesn’t notice the party walking up to him.
“Hey! You!” The elf, Marcille, confronts him. He turns around on the stool to look at her. “Whatever your name is!”
“My name is Kabru.” He introduces himself with a polite smile. He hopes maybe that will help him because Marcille sounds pissed. He hopes he didn’t leave a bad impression on Falin that consequently warped the party’s perception of him.
“Ok, Kabru.” She says a little flustered, much to Kabru’s relief. “Well, we were all talking and no, you can’t join our party, so leave Falin alone.”
“Uh, she doesn’t mean that?” Falin says squeakily.
“I do mean that.”
“Marcilleeeee, he seems nice.”
“Kabru.” The halfling takes the chance to talk to him while the two girls are distracted with talking to each other. “Why do you want to join our party?”
“Your party is renowned for its strength. I admire you all, I want to help you.” He says it sincerely, although he doesn’t quite mean those words. “I already have my own gear. I know some basic spells too, so you wouldn’t have to worry about using mana on me. Additionally, I’ve been to the dungeon before, I know how to handle myself. I think I could be a valuable member of your party, if you’d be willing to have me.” He says, hoping he sounds convincing.
“Well, it’s Laios’ decision.” Chilchuck shrugs.
“Wait, we should talk about this first!” Marcille squeaks. The party gathers in a vaguely circle shape, not at all far away from him, and whispers about him. He hears only bits of it, like “…wouldn’t be efficient,” “I don’t care,” “…bigger party is better, right?”, “Do you see him? He…”, “…maybe he…”
After about a minute, the party separates from the circle.
“We’re going to delve into the dungeon. We’re going to fight a dragon on the seventh level. Is that something you can handle?” It’s Laios who talks to him this time. Laios is finally talking to him. Kabru needs to make the best possible impression he can.
Kabru stands up from the stool. He makes unwavering eye contact with Laios and says “It is,” in the most intense voice he can manage. Kabru has never made it further than the third level and he’s never even seen a dragon before, but he says those two words with the conviction of someone who has killed dozens of dragons before.
“Well, I guess he can join.” Laios says with a shrug. Kabru feels like a weight has lifted from his shoulders. He feels so light. He feels dazed. It’s finally happened. He’s in. Everything else goes by in a blur, he hardly even remembers filling out the paperwork.
“We’re going back to the dungeon tomorrow at eight.” Laios tells him.
“I’ll be there.” Kabru says.
Laios nods and then just heads out of the bar. The other party members give him a look, some say bye, and then the rest of them head out too. The door shuts and Kabru is left alone in the bar.
Now that he is alone, Kabru is overwhelmed with all the things he needs to do to prepare. Tomorrow? He did say he had gear and was prepared, and he was, but that was rather soon. Well, if they were planning to go tomorrow, then he really wasn’t to throw off their schedule. He should be glad they let him join on such short notice. He rushes off to gather his things, get more supplies, and tell Rin where he’s going.
Kabru wakes up at five in the morning. He packs his things as if the party is leaving in three minutes rather than three hours. By the time he’s packed and gotten himself ready, it’s only five seventeen.
He decides to head over to the market. He wants a book about the dungeon so he’ll know what to expect. He has a few, but he needs more knowledge, knowledge about what to expect deep in the dungeon. It would be terrible if he was jarred by everything the party encounters on the lower floors, he needs to be as prepared as he can for someone who’s only been to the second level.
He finds a book for a fair enough price. By the time he’s bought the book and headed over to the meeting spot, it’s only five twenty six. He’s the only one there at this time, so he decides to read the book in the meantime.
If he’s going to help them kill a dragon, he really needs to know more about dragons and their weaknesses. He flips to the chapter about dragons and skims the contents, trying to commit only the key words to memory. Dangerous breath, huge, some have impenetrable scales, jaws that could bite clean through bone, weak spot under the neck.
“Good morning.” A voice says, causing Kabru to tense up, startled. He looks up from the book and realizes it’s Shuro. He puts the book away and stands up straight.
“Good morning to you too.” He greets back.
Shuro must not have planned to say anything else after that because there is only silence. It’s just the two of them there, maybe he could take this opportunity to get to know him better.
What Kabru learned from yesterday is that he has to work his way up to talk to Laios. Laios only talked to him after Kabru had spoken with Falin, then Marcille, then Chilchuck. Kabru needed to secure his position in the party to get Laios’ attention, and the way to do that was through the other party members.
Shuro was probably the second easiest to talk to, since he had not been against Kabru joining the party and was willing to talk to him. Falin was probably the easiest to talk to since she had been the one willing to talk to him and vouch for him last night, but he had a feeling if he got too familiar with Falin it would ruin his chances of getting close to Marcille.
Marcille was probably the second most difficult to talk to, second to Laios. Marcille seemed to be angry with him, which would make getting close to her difficult. He thinks the reason she’s angry with him is probably because she feels protective of Falin since the two are such close friends.
Namari would probably be fairly easy to talk to, since she didn’t seem to dislike him, but then again, she didn’t approach him. He thinks Chilchuck would be the third most difficult to talk to. Chilchuck seemed to be suspicious of him, but he was willing to have a civil conversation with him. He seemed to be the “smart one” of the group, so he might be hard to get close to.
That being said, Kabru has a perfect opportunity right now to be friendly with Shuro, and if it goes well, which it probably will, it will make the others feel more comfortable with him. Then he’ll slowly be able to bond with the party members until he gets to the top, where he’ll finally be able to figure out who Laios is, what makes him tick, and if he’s someone worthy of defeating the dungeon.
“I don’t think we properly met yesterday. My name is Kabru.” Kabru introduces himself again, just to be polite. He offers out a hand.
“Nice to meet you, I’m Toshiro.” Shuro? Toshiro? says, shaking his hand.
“Sorry, you said your name is Toshiro?” Kabru asks to clarify.
“Yes. Why do you ask?” Toshiro questions his question.
“I swore the others called you by a different name is all.” The shorter man says.
“Ah, they call me Shuro. Laios told them that was my name and I never had a chance to correct them.” Toshiro explains awkwardly.
Kabru feels like he’s won at cards. Toshiro has opened up to him, he knows his name when nobody else does, and he learned something about Laios as well. He wonders if Laios is uncaring for his party members if he didn’t bother to learn Toshiro’s name.
“That’s terrible.” Kabru says sympathetically. Suddenly, he gets an idea. “Do you want me to tell the others?”
“You don’t have to. It’s really not so bad.” Toshiro reassures him.
“Doesn’t it bother you, though?” Kabru asks, curiously.
“Somewhat.” He mumbles.
“If it would make you feel better, I could definitely tell them.” He offers again.
“It wouldn’t be a bother to you?”
“Not at all!”
“Thank you. I appreciate it.” Toshiro says gratefully.
Kabru smiles. People are a lot like safes. You want to get close to people like you’d want to get into a safe. You can’t just open up a safe, however, you need a key, a password, the right little gadget or combination to open it up. With people, you need words.
If you say the right things, people will open up to you and that’s when you can get close to them, find out what they’re thinking, figure out their motivations, understand them more than they could even understand themselves. When you say the right thing, it’s a feeling like a safe clicking open, you know you can get in.
Toshiro thanking him is like that click. Toshiro isn’t going to be totally loyal and open to him now, but he has a basic level of trust for Kabru. He has a positive impression of Kabru and is more likely to be on his side. He can use this, he thinks giddily.
About an hour later, at seven fourteen o’clock, Chilchuck shows up.
“Good morning.” Toshiro greets Chilchuck.
“Good morning, Chilchuck.” Kabru also greets Chilchuck, wanting to be polite.
“Hi.” Chilchuck responds simply.
Chilchuck is much more closed off, harder to talk to. Kabru thinks of a way to tell Chilchuck about Toshiro’s name, but not too awkwardly and bluntly, and also give a positive impression. He thinks for a few minutes, but then he’s got it.
“Do you know if the others are coming anytime soon? Toshiro and I have been waiting for a while now.”
“Half the party is always late.” Chilchuck huffs. “You guys will probably-wait, what did you say?”
“I just said that Toshiro and I have been waiting for a while now.” Kabru repeats innocently, putting a subtle emphasis on Toshiro’s name.
“You mean Shuro?” Chilchuck questions, looking between Kabru and Toshiro.
“Kabru is right. Shuro isn’t my name, it’s Toshiro.” The long haired man admits.
“Huh? Then why did you-Laios.” Chilchuck says Laios’ name with disdain.
Kabru is going to ask what about Laios, but then Marcille shows up.
“Hi!” She says cheerfully.
“Marcille, did you know Shuro’s name is actually Toshiro?” Chilchuck asks her, still appalled. Kabru feels relieved that the other party members are spreading the word so that he doesn’t have to.
“What?! Is it really?!” The elf questions Toshiro, who nods in response. The three of them start animatedly chatting at this revelation. Kabru simply listens.
“I can’t believe we’ve been saying it wrong this whole time.” Marcille remarks. “I can’t believe that Laios told us your name wrong…actually I can believe it.”
“Is Laios…not a good leader?” Kabru asks, trying to think of the most nuanced way to phrase it.
“He’s alright, he just doesn’t really notice little details.” Marcille answers.
“He doesn’t notice big things either. That guy is dense.” Chilchuck adds.
“He has good intentions, he just doesn’t… execute them well.” Toshiro tells him.
“He’s awful with people, but when we’re in the dungeon, he’s competent enough. He’s an ok leader.” The halfling concludes. The others seem to agree with this.
At eight o’clock, there is no sign of either of the Toudens or Namari. The others reassure him this is normal, albeit annoying.
At around eight forty, Namari shows up. This is, apparently, earlier than she usually shows up. Namari talks with them too after she learns of Toshiro’s actual name.
At nine thirteen o’clock, more than an hour after the original meeting time, the Touden siblings finally arrive.
“Wow, everyone’s talking today!” Laios exclaims.
“It’s because Shuro’s real name is actually Toshiro.�� Namari tells him.
“It is?” Falin asks, opening her eyes in shock.
“Laios told everybody the wrong name.” Marcille says, giving Laios a flat look.
“He did.” Toshiro confirms.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Laios asks, he sounds a little hurt.
“You always talked over me.” Toshiro says. The whole party is looking in an accusatory way at Laios now.
Something about this situation, Laios being doubted by his whole group, makes Kabru ecstatic. The whole party has probably lost some respect for Laios over this. He has an idea now, if he can put pressure on the party’s relationship with Laios, not enough to break the party apart, but enough to strain it, he can knock Laios down a few pegs.
When Laios is down, he’ll be more willing to talk to Kabru, he’ll be desperate. Kabru can promise to restore his image, which will gain Laios’ favor and trust. Then, Kabru will finally be able to get to know him. All he needs to do is get close enough to everyone to be able to encourage them to speak out against Laios, then his plan will fall into motion. It’s perfect.
“I’m sorry I got your name wrong.” Laios apologizes sheepishly.
“I forgive you.” Toshiro says.
“You should be sorry for being late too.” Chilchuck scolds. “Do you know how long we had to wait for you?”
“I’m sorry I made everyone wait.” Laios apologizes again. “Let’s go to the dungeon now.”
The party seems to accept this, but there’s still a bit of tension in the air. Kabru feels immensely giddy. This is all going as he planned.
When they’re in the dungeon, Kabru makes sure to volunteer himself as much as possible, thought not to an obnoxious extent. He offers to kill small monsters in the way and the group lets him. He’s definitely making his way up the ranks.
After hours of traversing the dungeon, Laios calls for a lunch break. They’ve made good progress, they’re a good way through the second floor and it’s only the first day. Getting through the dungeon is a lot faster when Kabru has a skilled and coordinated party who can easily defeat monsters and navigate their way through the dungeon.
The party sits down in a circle in a little tucked away area, somewhere the monsters probably won’t find them. Marcille makes a magic circle to warm up the meal. The party chats a little bit and Kabru watches their dynamics closely.
Marcille sits at the middle part of the circle so she is able to tend to the magic circle. Right next to her is Falin, who’s helping out. Laios sits next to his sister and is unloading some things from his pack. Toshiro is sat next to Laios, he has an expression on his face like he’d rather be sitting somewhere else. Kabru himself is in between Toshiro and Namari. Namari is next to Chilchuck, who is next to Marcille’s other side.
After a few moments, the meals are heated up and distributed. It’s nothing fancy, just some rice and meat in a bowl. Kabru eats it without a word, the others have also fallen into silence as they eat.
Everyone finishes with their meal fairly quickly. After a mere half an hour, they had prepped a meal, eaten, and then packed their things back up and were ready to travel again. The party was making lots of progress and with very little trouble. Kabru thinks that maybe the party could actually push through the whole dungeon and defeat the Mad Mage.
They travel a few hours longer, until the dungeon started getting dark. It’s strange, how the second floor appears to have a sky, and with it, day and night cycles, even though it’s deep underground. They’re a bit more than half way through the second floor, they could probably make good distance on the third floor by tomorrow. It wouldn’t take long for them to reach the lower floors at all.
Kabru doesn’t feel tired at all, he never feels tired at night. He has a feeling of restless even more so than usual, however. He needs to keep up appearances, he needs to get close to the party members, he needs to impress them, he needs to be informed, he needs to do so much.
The party sets up their bedrolls and heads to sleep, reassuring Kabru nobody needed to keep watch and such an early level. While the others settle down and fall asleep, Kabru lies still in his bedroll, wide awake, for maybe twenty minutes. He listens to the breathing of the others’ slow until he is sure everyone is asleep.
When he’s absolutely sure, he slips out of his bedroll as quietly as he can, grabs his book, and walks off a small distance away from the party. He knows a simple light spell, which he casts, summoning a small glowing orb. He only needs a small light, large enough to read but not large enough to disturb the others or attract monsters.
Speaking of monsters, he’s going to face a lot of them, and as they head to lower floors, he’s going to be more and more unfamiliar with them. Monsters are only a problem if you don’t know what you’re dealing with or you freeze up. If Kabru can just figure out their weak points, he can deal with them easily, like solving a puzzle.
He flips the book to the third floor pages. He’s read about the third floor a few times before, but it wouldn’t hurt to refresh his memory. This floor is maze-like, consisting of winding stairs, and it has lots of tricky monsters and undead. Nothing seems to be too much of a problem, plus the other party members are probably equipped to taking out monsters like these.
Kabru has a much less intimate knowledge of the fourth floor, but he knows the basics. It’s a floor mainly consisting of water, with water walk spells being the only efficient way to traverse it. Kabru knows how to cast water walking, so he can handle himself just fine. The monsters there are all aquatic and can maneuver around in the water quickly, which can be rather difficult to fight.
The smaller ones shouldn’t be so difficult. The fish monsters can just be cut apart and with mermaids he can always just cover his ears and avoid them. The bigger ones might pose an issue, but then again they all have vital organs that can be stabbed, similar to the way an animal would. No matter the size, they can be killed. He would kill them.
He flips to some of the illustrations of the monsters and thinks to himself how he could kill some of them. Cutting off the heads would probably work for most of them, most living things need them, but it wouldn’t prove effective for ones with, for example, two heads or ones that were large enough that it would be difficult to get a clean cut.
Demi-humans would probably be easy. The anatomy and organs should be relatively the same to humans, although they were monsters, so he couldn’t know for sure. Even if the vitals weren’t exactly the same he could probably-
“Is that a monster book?” Someone suddenly says right next to his ear, making him jump to the point he drops the book on the ground and lose control of his light, causing it to fizzle out. He inhales sharply, reaches a hand for the dagger on his side, and spins around to look at whoever is speaking to him. They probably could’ve killed him anyways if they were that close, but he couldn’t know for sure.
He squints his eyes to adjust to the dark. When he realizes who he’s looking at, Kabru is stunned. It’s Laios, he thinks. Then, he thinks shit shit shit.
Kabru thought he may have gotten caught. He had thought of some excuses for if he was caught but the book went unnoticed, like he was keeping watch, he was going out on a walk, or he had to go to the bathroom. If the book was noticed he’d say something like he wanted to refresh his memory or you could never be too prepared.
The thing was, he planned the delivery of these excuses for someone else. He’d have thought maybe Toshiro or Falin would have looked for him if he was missing since he’s talked to them, or maybe even Chilchuck since the halfling had been suspicious of him, but Laios was not someone he prepared for. Laios was the last person he expected to go looking for him.
After all, this was Laios, who had ignored him for months on end. Laios whom he had never properly talked to. Laios, whose party Kabru had just joined the day before, and given the party’s discussion in the morning, he didn’t seem like someone who would notice if one of the members went missing, especially not Kabru. He hadn’t expected to be able to talk to Laios for at least another week.
“Oh no! Your book!” Laios says, picking up the fallen book with the same tenderness most people would use to hold a small wounded animal or perhaps a newborn baby. He gently brushes the dirt off its pages and, rather than handing the book back to Kabru, starts squinting to see the illustrations in the dark.
Kabru starts to panic. What if the reason Laios is out here because Laios is onto him? What if he knows Kabru really isn’t all that experienced with dungeons and he’s trying to act more skilled than he is? What if he knows Kabru just joined the party to try and get an opportunity to talk to him and isn’t quite sold on his leadership or really anything about him?
What would he do if Kabru didn’t think he was worthy of being king? Most adventurers were cocky and thought it was some inherent right of theirs to conquer the dungeon. Would Laios be upset? Would he try to kill him? Kabru keeps his hand near his dagger, just in case.
It’s been only a few seconds, but Kabru can’t just sit here quietly. He needs to say something, do something. He has to seize this opportunity to talk to Laios.
A question of why Laios is here has started to form in his mind, but he’s interrupted by Laios asking him “Why do you have this?”
“Just in case, you know?” Kabru responds almost immediately, giving a casual smile as if to make the excuse seem more natural, despite the fact it can’t be seen very well in the dark. He wasn’t sure if the excuse would work with Laios, he wasn’t sure of anything about Laios at all. “Why are you out here?” He decides to ask, hoping maybe he can better understand Laios.
“I woke up and I realized someone was missing. I was a little worried, but then I saw you over here with a monster book and I was curious.” Laios says nonchalantly, not looking up from Kabru’s book.
What is there to be curious about? Does he know Kabru doesn’t really know how to handle
the dungeon? Does he know Kabru wanted to test him, peel back his mask and see what kind of person Laios really was? When Kabru was trying to figure out Laios, was Laios really onto him first? Was he in control of everything all along?
“Can I have that back?” He asks, hoping to take it away before Laios can come to any conclusions as to why he has it.
“Yeah.” The blonde replies, looking at the pages a bit longer before handing the book back over to Kabru. Kabru feels like sighing in relief, but he doesn’t dare make any sort of indication as to what he’s thinking or feeling. He’s rooted in place still, wondering if he should start heading back or not.
Laios doesn’t quite seem to know what to do next either. He’s still just standing there, maybe contemplating what to say. It’s silent for a few moments, the two of them just standing there, facing each other in the dark.
“How do you feel about monsters?” Laios finally speaks up.
Kabru hates monsters. Monsters are violent disgusting beasts that kill people without rhyme or reason. If he could, he wouldn’t be anywhere near them, but he has to in order to kill them; kill them before they can kill others like they did at Utaya.
He doesn’t say that aloud though because something about Laios’ question makes him think. It’s phrased casually, but there’s an undertone to it that makes it seem like Laios is looking for a specific answer. He thinks if he answers it correctly, he could get closer to Laios, weeks early than planned.
Most people hate monsters, it’s only natural. Monsters kill humans of all races, what reason is there to like them? Logically, the answer should be something like “I hate them” or maybe even a more passionate and detailed answer regarding his distaste for them, but then again, is Laios Touden most people?
“Sorry, can you say that again?” Kabru asks. He heard him perfectly well the first time, but maybe if he pays close attention the second time, he can figure out what Laios is thinking.
“Uh, I think I said what do you think about monsters?” Laios answers, sounding unsure of himself. That was in fact, not what he asked the first time. “It’s just…you were reading a monster book where nobody else could see,” He continues. “I’m just curious why you’d do something like that.”
Kabru’s heart skips a beat. Oh shit, is he on to him? Does he know Kabru is not some experienced adventurer, but rather a novice has barely scraped his way to the third floor with a party of his own? Does he know that Kabru has spent a ridiculous amount of money on revival fees because he’s died to monsters so many times before? Does he know that Kabru really doesn’t know what he’s doing in this dungeon?
Kabru is usually good at thinking of quick excuses on the spot, but he’s completely out of his depth right now. He doesn’t know what Laios is thinking. He doesn’t know the right words to say to Laios. He really doesn’t know anything about him at all. The whole point of trying to get his attention and join his party was to figure that out! And now everything might be ruined, just when they had started!
“I didn’t want to wake anybody up with the light.” Kabru manages eventually, after a suspiciously long and awkward pause.
“But why a monster book?” Laios asks. He wonders if he could sneak away or hit Laios over the head and then, in the morning, convince him it was a dream. Shit, he’s so screwed. “Sorry if it’s personal, I won’t tell anybody.”
“I was reading about monsters because…it’s-they’re…interesting.” Kabru tries. He has a feeling that answer won’t be enough for Laios. Laios, instead of pressing more, is dead silent for a few moments. Kabru wonders if that was the wrong answer.
“You like reading about monsters too?” Laios asks. Like is absolutely not the word he’d use to describe it, but it’s the word Laios would use, so Kabru has to agree with it. If he pretends to have something in common with him, Laios should open up to him.
“I do.” Kabru lies.
“Oh.” Laios says. Kabru is unable to tell what that’s supposed to mean, which causes him to panic internally. He thought he answered what Laios wanted. Did he say the wrong thing? “You-do you like monsters?”
A normal human would ask a question like that in a shocked and derogatory tone because it’s strange and appalling to like something like a monster. Laios asks it in a way that sounds shocked, but it doesn’t sound like he means anything bad by asking it. He seems genuinely curious and Kabru isn’t sure what to make of that.
“Why do you ask?” Kabru decides to deflect.
“Can I tell you a secret?” Laios asks, possibly deflecting his deflect.
“Of course.” The more he learns about Laios, the better.
“I’ve never told anybody this before, but I really love monsters.” Love? Monsters? “I love the way they look, the way they sound, the way they live. I’m really curious about them, I think they’re really cool.” Laios admits.
At first, he’s relieved because Laios was not onto him and he really just wanted to tell him this. Then, Kabru thinks that’s the weirdest thing he’s ever heard anybody say. He wonders why Laios feels that way. Did a monster save him as a child? Actually, a better question would be: did he get hit over the head as a child. How could Laios see anything worth loving in monsters?
Kabru has so many other questions. He feels like he understands Laios even less than he did before. There’s only one way to figure it all out.
“I never thought I’d meet someone who feels the same way.” The lie feel clunky on his tongue. The implication that he loves monsters leaves a sour taste in his mouth, it feels wrong to even imply such a thing, even if it’s not true.
Laios looks at Kabru as if he is every star in the sky, a strip of the universe folded neatly into the shape of a human. Kabru feels immensely relieved. It seems as if that had been the best possible thing he could have said.
“I have a monster book too.” The blonde says quickly. He fishes the book out of the neck piece of his armor. “Can you make a light again?”
That’s probably a good idea, squinting at Laios in the dark is exhausting. Kabru murmurs a few words under his breath, causing a small light to spark to life once again.
Kabru is surprised to see Laios’ book looks like a children’s picture book. It also looks like a cookbook? He wonders what to say first about it.
“I can show you some pages.” Laios says, getting close to Kabru’s side so that their shoulders are touching, and opening the book up in between them.
The pages are covered in small notes. Curiously, the notes seem to be strategically placed to ensure they didn’t overlap with the original text or images. The pages have recipes and flavors on them, making Kabru almost entirely sure it is a cookbook.
“Is that a cookbook?” He asks, amused.
“Yeah!”
Kabru wants to laugh at how absurd this all is. He’s finally talking to Laios and it’s going like this? Laios loves monsters and Kabru is pretending that’s how he feels too. And now Laios wants to eat monsters too? And his basis for monster cuisine is in a children’s book? It would be funny if Kabru wasn’t going to have to pretend that’s what he wants too.
“That’s really cool.” Kabru smiles as he lies. “I’d love to try some sometime.”
“You know,” Laios starts, a glint in his eyes, “we might be able to right now.” Laios animatedly flips through the pages and Kabru can feel his heart sink in his chest.
“This section is for the second floor.” The blonde tells him, slowly flipping through the pages so Kabru can see them. Kabru wearily eyes the contents. He’s got to say something to deter him.
“But how would we eat monsters if we can’t cook them?” Kabru tries. He thinks that’s one of the weirdest things he’s ever said, just about every single sentence he’s said in this conversation is one of the weirdest things he’s ever said.
“Hmm.” Laios goes, scrunching up his face in thought. Kabru thinks he’s safe, but then Laios lights up. “Man-Eating Plant salad.” He says, holding up the page. “You don’t have to cook salad.”
“That’s so nice and convenient that you found a monster that you don’t have to cook.” Kabru says optimistically, but really he feels the exact opposite. He wonders if it’s too late to hit Laios over the head and run.
“I know, right? I’m pretty sure there are some Man-Eating Plants just over here.” Laios says, standing up and tucking the monster cookbook back into his armor. He motions for Kabru to come with him and Kabru reluctantly follows. Kabru desperately hopes that Laios is wrong and there are no Man-Eating Plants.
Very disappointingly, Laios is correct. There are lots of Man-Eating Plants, actually. Kabru hopes he can sneak away when Laios isn’t looking.
“With all these, it might be difficult to pick off just one.” Laios remarks, turning back to look directly at him. So much for getting away.
“Should we go back then?” Kabru asks, sounding like he’s asking a genuine question, but really feeling immensely desperate.
Laios doesn’t say anything right away. He looks over at the plant monsters, which are softly illuminated by the light spell. His eyes are following a small monster that creeps near the Man-Eating Plants. Kabru watches too, trying to figure out what he thinks is so interesting.
The small monster reaches for a fruit and yanks it off. It begins to nibble on it. The Man-Eating Plant which the fruit had come from grabs it with its vines and traps it. The small monster cries out and squirms, but it is snared too tightly to escape.
“Oh!” Laios says, excited once again. “Those fruits seem like they come off really easily!” That’s what conclusion he got from that?
“How would we even get them?” Kabru asks, dread settling in his stomach.
“I could distract them while you grab a fruit. If you grab it as sneakily and as quickly as you can, there shouldn’t be any problems, but if they do get you, I could cut you down.” Laios says confidently. Kabru wants to try and point out a flaw, but it is very unfortunately a solid plan.
“Alright.” Kabru says, accepting his fate because clearly nothing can deter Laios from eating monsters. He slips off his armor to be quieter and neatly stacks it in a pile. The two of them quietly approach the Man-Eating Plans.
Kabru creeps closer while Laios stays back. Kabru steps low and quiet until he’s reached the monster fruits. He tries to pluck one off, but it is, unlike Laios had exclaimed earlier, very difficult to pull off. The Man-Eating Plant shifts above him. Kabru swears in his mind.
Suddenly, Laios starts making a bunch of weird whistling noises and waving his arms around. Kabru stares at him in disbelief and wonders what the absolute fuck that man is doing. Kabru then remembers he’s supposed to get the fruit and go. He pulls out a knife, slices it off, and then bolts away.
He thinks he’s made it, he’s almost back to where Laios is at a safe distance, when suddenly he’s pulled off the ground.
“Laios!” He calls out as he’s being pulled further and further from the ground.
“Hold on!” Laios shouts back, running past him. Kabru bitterly wonders if Laios is going to leave him to die. Maybe Laios was someone who was cold and selfish all along and, even though he was interesting, there was nothing worthy about him at all.
Then, the vines unfurl and Kabru starts to fall. Laios starts rushing back his direction again, awkwardly sheathing his sword as he goes. He holds out his arms as if to catch Kabru, but Kabru hits the ground about a half a minute before he even gets over there. It wasn’t too bad of a fall, nothing is broken, maybe not even bruised, but it still hurt.
As he sits up, he realizes he still has the monster fruit in his arms. He’d have thought it would’ve gotten crushed, but no, it’s practically in perfect condition. He really can’t escape this, can he?
“Are you hurt?” Laios asks him.
“No.” Kabru says.
“That’s good.” He looks at the damned monster fruit still in Kabru’s arms. “The fruit! You saved it! Nice job, uh...you.” Laios says awkwardly as if he was going to say Kabru’s name but had drawn up a blank.
“Did you forget my name?” Kabru asks him.
“…No?” Laios says, very obviously lying. Kabru doesn’t know why he expected Laios of all people to remember his name. Laios didn’t know Toshiro’s name despite knowing him for months, after all.
“I’m Kabru.” The dark haired man reintroduces himself.
“Kabru.” Laios repeats, trying to familiarize himself with his name. He’s silent for a moment, then says, “Hey, now that I think about it, we don’t have any bowls, so it would be kind of hard to make salad.”
Kabru is a little pissed they did all that for nothing, but he thinks he could pass out from relief at the fact they aren’t in fact going to eat monsters.
“We can still have the fruit though! Fruit is pretty tasty on its own!” Laios says cheerily. Kabru wonders why he even bothered getting his hopes up. He makes a mental note that Laios is awfully resilient and good at problem solving, for better or for worse, though in this case it’s for worse. “Can you give me that fruit? I’m gonna cut it in half.”
Kabru defeatedly hands him the fruit and goes to put his gear back on. Laios places the fruit on the ground and slices it with his sword. Laios did a terrible job of cutting it in half, it looks much more like seventy-thirty than fifty-fifty, but Kabru can’t complain when Laios gives him the smaller piece.
“You can try it first.” Kabru says because if anybody is dying tonight from food poisoning from eating monster fruit, it’s not going to be Kabru.
Laios takes a big bite out of the fruit. “This is really good!” Laios says with a mouth full of fruit. “It’s like sweet, but then sort of sour? It sort of tastes like a normal fruit, though. I expected it to taste different since it’s from a monster.” He sounds sad when he says those last two sentences.
Kabru watches him warily. He doesn’t seem to be dying or having any sort of side effect. Plus if it were like a normal fruit, it shouldn’t be so bad. Besides, the fruit is from a monster, not a monster itself, so it’s really not that weird to be eating it, right? Laios is looking at him expectantly.
Kabru waits a few seconds, just in case Laios suddenly falls over and dies. He does not. He seems completely normal and healthy, in fact. Kabru is unfortunately forced to take a small bite of the fruit (that isn’t a monster and is barely even related to monsters at all and is almost just like a normal fruit). It’s overwhelmingly sweet at first, but then it does have a sort of tangy aftertaste. It vaguely reminds him of pineapple.
“It’s nice.” He says, taking another small bite of the totally normal fruit. It’s pretty good, actually. Laios has almost eaten half of his fruit piece already.
“Do you think the flavor is different depending on what the Man-Eating Plants eat?” Laios wonders aloud. “Like if it was eating lots of giant rats, do you think it would gradually adjust the flavor to more effectively attract them? Maybe this is some monster’s favorite type of fruit and that’s why they taste like this.” Kabru feels like spitting out the fruit after being crudely reminded of its monster origins, but he manages to swallow it.
“You think the flavor is like this because it’s some monster’s favorite?” Kabru asks him, amused.
“Well, it had to have been liked by something the Man-Eating Plants eat.” Laios reasons. “Maybe it’s a combination of flavors that multiple monsters liked to attract more of them! That could be why it’s sweet and sour!” He’s talking quickly and his pupils are dilated, he seems to be really enjoying this conversation. Well, it could hardly be called a conversation when Laios is doing all the talking and Kabru is just nodding along. He rambles a bit more, cutting himself off occasionally to bite the fruit.
Laios finishes his fruit and looks up at the dark sky. “We should probably go back soon.”
“Good idea.” Kabru stands up, abandoning his barely eaten fruit. He really wants to rush off back to the camp, go to sleep, and pretend this wasn’t as weird as it was. He walks slowly next to Laios, though.
“That was fun.” Laios says. He’s looking at Kabru like he wants him to say something.
“Yeah, it was really nice.” Kabru half lies. He was glad he got to find out more about Laios, but he didn’t enjoy being attacked by a monster and then eating monster fruit.
Laios is still looking at him funny, like he wants him to say something else. Kabru is unsure what Laios wants from him.
“Uhm.” Laios says, stopping a little bit before the camp. Kabru stops as well, looking at him curiously. Laios is still giving him that weird look.
“What is it?” Kabru decides to ask instead.
“Well, that was fun right?” Laios repeats himself, awkwardly.
“Yes?” Kabru repeats his response, but in a more concise and confused manner.
“So…maybe we could do something like that again? Well, there’s probably not gonna be anything like Man-Eating Plants on lower levels, but maybe we could just look at monsters? Or talk about them?” Laios asks shyly. Kabru is struck again by how weird this all is.
“That sounds great. Let’s do that.” Kabru says with a smile. Laios looks like he’s going to say something, but he ends up just smiling and nodding.
He starts walking back to the camp again. Kabru follows. The shorter of the two dissipates the light again as they get closer.
“Goodnight, Laios.” He says as they reach the cave.
“Yeah.” Laios says in response as he heads over to his bedroll. Kabru wonders if Laios even heard what he said. He hears Laios snoring softly not even a minute after, so maybe he was just really tired.
Kabru settles into his own bedroll and stares up at the ceiling, thinking about what just happened.
Kabru hates monsters, he’s always hated monsters and always will, but he’s so intensely curious about Laios’ affection for them. He just has to know, he needs to know, why and how Laios sees them like that. Laios loves monsters, but he kills them. He loves monsters, but he wants to eat them. It’s a unique type of adoration that Kabru can’t connect with anything else. It’s fascinating.
Sleep catches up with Kabru eventually. His eyes are heavy with drowsiness and his head heavy with thoughts of Laios’ feelings about monsters. As he drifts off, he finds himself thinking not about why Laios likes monsters, but rather what had happened in an entirely non-analytical manner, he was just simply recalling the fresh memory.
He closes his eyes and sees himself sitting down in the grass, with only the small light illuminating himself and Laios, the taste of sweet and sour (not technically monster) fruit in his mouth, and the sound of Laios excitedly rambling on about…well, monsters. He couldn’t really avoid the subject of monsters when it came to Laios, but that’s good. Kabru is figuring out what he likes and what he’s thinking, he’s making so much progress with him.
Even if Laios is rambling about things like the taste of monsters, everything is going smoothly, in Kabru’s favor. He’s on the right track so things aren’t so bad. When he thinks about it like that, it’s almost pleasant.
Kabru is figuring things out, figuring Laios out, figuring out if he’s worthy of conquering the dungeon. Kabru will decode him and, when he does, then maybe everything will be alright. Maybe Laios will be a good person, conquer the dungeon, and become a good king, with Kabru supporting him every step of the way. Of course, Kabru will be prepared to face whatever reality he’s met with, but, just for a moment, it’s nice to dream.
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mtsodie · 2 months
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also tomorrow verona is finally ( maybe ) going to the vet
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r0zzk1ll · 1 month
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"this man, is weird.. CRAZY weird.." "he was always very bright.."
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#i think abt this soo often u have no idea#no one understands them like i do.. sighh..#platonic or romantic idc There is something Happening there#this also implies that sammy doesn't hate norman/displays some form of positive feeling towards him#bc it's shown in canon that he doesn't rlly like many ppl in the studio#and despite sammy's descent into insanity norman still appreciated him for who he was#they way norman talks abt sammy in his first audio log feels so personal too#probably kicked his feet and giggled abt him idk man#like okaayy what u kno abt him pooks... something u wanna tell me.. twirls my hair/..#IM SO ILL OH MY GODDDDDDDD#CAN ANYONE HEAR ME#i could go on a full 2 hour youtube rant abt how tragic they are#both together and as separate people#and dont even get me STARTED on the reason for norman's heart obsession while in the cycle and why he collects them#UGGHHHHHHHH KICKS THE WALL PUNCHES THE FLOOR I HATE THE FLOOR#been mentally ill about them since 2017 ❤ we up#at least until my pea sized 8 yr old child brain found out normmy was a thing#finding that shitty ms paint ship art changed my life..#theyre literally my og otp 5eva nothing will top them ever#smushing their faces together like barbies type shit#i do wish they had some kind of interaction actual gameplay wise in batim (or even batdr)#idc what kind i just need to see them in the same room together interacting in some way#batim#bendy and the ink machine#normmy#sammy lawrence#norman polk#norman x sammy#rosey rambles#I LOVE DOOMED YAOI
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puppyeared · 4 months
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who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it
#id have to be waterboarded before i can talk abt how i see a lot of my adhd and personality in mitsumi iwakura let alone post it#idk how to talk abt this without feeling like im talking over or invalidating ppls experiences relating with a character#someone was talking abt how ppl tie laios' autism to special interest and social difficulties but not much else which kinda flattens it#and then went into a respectful in depth analysis of other autistic behaviour that laios exhibits and it wasnt phrased meanly#its fascinating and important to me to hear someone explain a little bit abt traits that they recognized and often go overlooked#because it does help me learn more about it. but i think thats also where hesitancy kicks in when it comes to depicting it accurately#like i have adhd and some of my adhd symptoms overlap with autism (time blindness and pattern seeking behaviour) but that only means#it feels familiar to me even without having autism. on top of that traits arent always cleanly determined as being /caused/ by#a disorder. to understand my environment i compare it to something unrelated but similar to make it more familiar and for the longest time#i thought that was a personality thing and not an information processing thing since i loved playing pretend in my head as a kid#so if you make a character who experiences that hoping to reach people that also experience that and tell them its not weird or#smth youre making up like. thats the goal. ppl who dont get it arent expected to it just means it doesnt cater to them but it helps them#become familiar to it yk? since i dont have autism myself i dont feel confident i can depict it properly or explain it in my own words#but that doesnt mean im trying to dismiss it or try and cut it out completely.. ill just leave the floor open to someone who /can/#a lot of issues around fanon depictions are when smth is baselessly popularized or a characters personality and behavior is flattened#especially to fit them into a trending meme. its harmless and its supposed to be for fun but it gets tricky when you drag things that#need to be carefully explained beforehand or else it gets lost in translation. like that tweet abt 'hyperfixating' on cooking pasta#once it becomes popular language usually the original meaning is left out for the sake of simplifying it for everyone that when it#circles back theres a sort of hesitancy like. am i using it the way it was intended or am i unknowingly using the popularized version of it#actually thats probably why i felt wrongfooted during diagnosis bc it felt like i was misusing the words i heard to describe what i felt#i /know/ i see a lot of myself in mitsumi because our minds are always somewhere else and we tend to put good faith first and for me#that personal connection is enough. but idk it feels like its always gonna have to be 'palatable' first before i can talk abt it openly#mad respect to writers and creators who stick to their story even if theres the looming fear of ppl misinterpreting it and letting them#have it.. its been almost 2 weeks and i am so close to deleting that m3 dunmeshi drawing bc ppl keep saying chilchuck wouldnt have 200 HP#IT LITERALLY SAYS I MADE IT WHILE WATCHING EP 1. I USED EARTHBOUND LOGIC AND I WASNT EVEN TAKING IT SERIOUSLY CHILL#yapping
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oifaaa · 1 year
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Wait is the reason people use the tag dc comics over just dc bc you have a place in America that's called dc
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zarovich · 5 months
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messed up how having a traumatic childhood still affects me and makes me unable to express my emotions properly
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rockafirevevo · 8 days
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has anyone noticed the world is getting so much smaller lately
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lupismaris · 16 days
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#nothing makes me truly reaffirm my commitment to being poly like the day after a rugby match#i love my bf. i love them wholly and truly for who they are. i dont want them to change outside of healing. y'know that being the best you.#but i dont want them to be someone else. so the fact theyre not a coddling caregiver isnt something I'm ever going to change in them.#they bring me coffee and check in on me and set reminders for my meds and tell me when they have to leave for errands with mum#but they always have to see to other responsibilities because they are that person.#and I love them for that. i love them for being a dutiful son and a pragmatic foreman who prepares for the week.#what does this have to do with polyam james you may ask? well ill tell you-#im learning as i have been for a while now#that as i am a chief caregiver for many ppl in my life including bf and now the ruggers (im a board member)#i deeply deeply DEEPLY want/need care when im in crisis or at a low point and theres no low point quite like post match#when your systems are coming down from adrenaline and everything fuckin hurts like hell and whats worse you're injured#im not good at being taken care of i acknowledge that. but to be coddled and handled with care rn?#have someone to sit with me and make me food and eat with me and help me stay tethered and hold me a bit and smoke with me#idk not even in a sex sense just to be held and cared for#thats why poly am is a thing for me. i love my partners and I dont want to change them i dont want to force all this on them#certain needs can be met by certain ppl in certain ways etc but love is love it is always love its just shown differently#as i was writing this bf called to say he was bringing home nonalc beer for me. i know he loves me. i know he cares. it's just different.#tbd im so very tired and achy and weepy today dont mind me#the match was great for the squad but im not thrilled with myself#hence wanting to curl up in a hole and not come out
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voidscreamns · 1 year
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#i dont think i’ve talked my nonverbal!Diluc hc on here yet#but i keep seeing posts abt disability/chronjcally ill/neurodivergent hcs for genshin characters so here’s one from me#idk i feel like after That Night™️ and being on the run from the Fatui/working with a secret organization#diluc not just learns the ‘value’ of keeping secrets and staying quiet but also internalizes his guilt and trauma of saying smth that could#hurt people#it started with him telling Kaeya that he’s not a Ragnvindr anymore and then is exacerbated by his 3-4 Year Fatui Murder Rampage thru Teyvat#and with all ghat trauma and self-deprecation and paranoia he just. stops talking.#he picks up sign language in Fontaine and still writes but at some point he just stops talking and never speaks again#when he comes back to Mondstadt it was hard to adjust to for both him and the people around him#Kaeya initially assumes that Diluc just refuses to talk to him until he later hears gossip abt how no one has ever heard him speak since he#came back. he goes to Adelinde and/or Elzer abt it and they tell him that they neve even hear Diluc so much as hum or grunt#afterwards everyone changes up real fast— Kaeya and Venti drinking at the bar and seemingly just talking at Diluc but they’re always#observing his reactions and body language even when they’re drunk#Jean tries her best to be patient but she has a hard time reading him bc he’s changed so much in the time he’s been gone#Adelinde & Elzer and the winery staff are the most communicative he’s with— Diluc is far more likely to write with them to communicate#at some point Diluc has a business meeting with some rich dude from Fontaine or smth#Kaeya walks in bc he has an actual important mission thinf to discuss and he sees Diluc and this Fontaine dude and the dude’s wife#moving their hands so fast and with all kinds of gestured and stuff#and it’s the first time Kaeya sees Diluc look so EXPRESSIVE— he’s frowning and raising his eyebrows and mouthing words and all this#and Kaeya just goes ‘what’#turns out the Fontainian dude is deaf and both him and his hearing wife know sign; she helps interpret this to kaeya for the dude and Diluc#and Kaeya is like ‘oh okay’ and goes to the kitchen like ‘i’ll just wait here till yall are finished’#and he sees Adelinde and Elzer there with stoic faces and they just. stand there in quiet for so long.#Kaeya finally says ‘…..so. sign language huh’ and Adelinde and Elzer have the most pained looks on their faces#later that week Diluc finds like everyone around suddenly doing basic signs with him#he later learns that the winery has ordered a shitton of signing books from Fontaine and are trying to learn#+ Kaeya and Jean too with help from Lisa bc like dont you know learning several languages is a requirement for graduation from the Akademiya#soon the use of sign starts spreading in Mondstadt— there might be some small communities where they have their own native sign but it’s not#as standardized nor widely known as it is in Fontaine#this is getting really long so I’ll stop here but yeah. nonverbal Diluc who signs fjskdjs
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cryolyst · 2 months
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#they speak!#it's probably just the illness that's making me extra irritable but like.#roommate kept coming up to me this morning going oh did i wake you up? i'm sorry if i did. did i do that or no? i'm really sorry.#and i kept telling him to stop saying sorry because i didn't have the brain power to phrase#'you could've been more considerate of your volume but you also have the right to use the common space so it's whatever'#but he said it to me again before i went to my room just now and it's like. ok. shut up.#if you actually cared that much u would've just been quieter in the first place actually.#anyways. annoyed. there were some annoying customers in the store today but it was whatever.#i feel like my fucks to give had already worn out with all the ppl in my social circle/my parents and the recent ongoings of that#[redacted] was being passive aggressive to me in the group chat and it's like. ok! idk what u want from me.#and i'm grateful for them for coming over and helping me with cleaning last week#and it's those sorts of actions that let me know they care and want good things for me#but like. i haaaate telling them anything because even innocuous non-private things get turned into judgement with them.#also. more and more i can feel how i'm drifting away from h and now with retrospect i can see how we mutually hurt each other :)#i keep coming back to this one period where i really wanted to take them to try dimsum and they kept saying they were too scared to try it#and in their new friend group they regularly go out n get dimsum together. which on the surface is like. why didn't you want to go with /me#i told you i wanted to share what i liked and i would explain what things were and i could do the talking and you still said no#but it's also very much a reflection of how i always rolled over and enabled them. i never challenged them. i was always passive.#i also feel like i'm heavily neglecting e and a recently and i can tell how the physical distance is affecting us and idk. it's weird.#anyways. another post that should've been a journal entry! lol!#when [redacted] helped with cleaning they also buried my journal under my like#300 packets of sesame candies and i can't be bothered to dig it out. also my bandaids are missing now. <3#ik this also sounds passive aggressive but genuinely appreciate the help i just kinda hate how they think hidin everything in boxes is good#'we need to get you some more storage boxes and containers!!' actually i think that will be the opposite of helpful.#i need everything visible and on open surfaces so i can 1) remember they exist for me to use and 2) not have barriers for me to get to them
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someguyiguess · 3 months
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i didnt plan far enough ahead so now instead of like. a karaoke bar or a gay bar or some fun shit im spending my birthday at an arcade bar. which like. sure whatever. but. not my thing, y’know. i coulda done karaoke in my slutty little dress but no im stupid and lack foresight.
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p-inkbrush · 3 months
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brynn-lear · 3 months
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I never got too deep into enstars but there are days where I miss Mama 😔
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#no one should ever be surprised that I main Boothill >:( /silly#yeehaw partner /jjjjjjjjj#i also like eichi for the aesthetic. he's like if you mix dain's face and ayato's mindset. actual warcriminal emperor-#and i think in terms of singing kaito slays 🔥🔥🔥🔥 I'm sorry.#actually in terms of songs in general imho it's valkyrie and akatsuki HAHAHAH#then idk i think i vibe with most undead songs though i wish there were like valentine eve's nightmare-#PERFECTLY-IMPERFECT 🔥🔥🔥🔥#fORBIDDEN RAIN- okay ill#stfu abt undead songs HAHAH#me typing these tags just slowly but surely reminds me I actually very much enjoy adonis' voice#in terms of trauma I think I got it most from Eden songs HAHAHAHHA the fricking apocalypse dance shit i forgot name but THAT#i love how i went “oh i like undead too but not as much i guess” and then proceeded to talk about undead songs more than akatsuki#and valkyrie HAHAHAHHA I'm a fricking liar#HEY HEY i mostly like valkyrie cuz shu's voice is mesmerizing- and every song in akatsuki slays because of their vocals even if I'm not th#e biggest fan of their genre leave me alone my biggest taste in men depends on their voice 😭😭😭😭😭#though in terms of friendship MaM/DoubleFace CrazyB and alkaloid for sure we'd be friends absolutely-#i played the music!! one not the original and nothing got me as hyped in the story as the fricking crazy roulette HAHAHAHA#GOT ME FEELIN LIKE I WAS IN THE CONCERT#never be a loooooSAAAAAUURRRRR *breakdances*#kiss of life is also mwah they're all my children. i know nothing on properly playing this game but i know i tried to main the christian guy#produce? forgot name but HIM I also love his voice and I have one of his priest card so he fricking dances with the priest uniform HAHAHAH#random confession: i don't have a 5 star mama card. orz.#anyways back to regular chaos in the tags omg aira i remember him what a mood and also the phantom oh frick forgot his name but i have his#sanrio card HAHAHHA 😭😭 i haven't leveled it up. i don't play this religiously-#the grind feels so overwhelming and i understand nothing I'm still on the work task 2 thing HAHHAA 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#most importantly i want to mention my redhead son i forgot his name but i love him very much my pretty son and his chaotic older bro i#support them both amen#as for fine. i don't really like most their songs that much...? okay this time I'm not lying like with Undead HAHAHAH I do vibe with#tempest nights for SURE absolute bop my dear blue haired clown is my fave fine member (as you can tell i love my loud girlies HAHAHHA)#most knight songs are bops and I like all the members- specially mister ensemble stRaws musiC (my other red haired son)
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