#idk what should be the name for the other throuple

[oneokkombat]

In the timeline where [adult]Hanzo and Satoshi join the Shirai ryu poor Satoshi is the true victim of third wheelism because not only he has to see both grandmasters yearn for his dad, he also has to hear Tomas talking about how much he misses his lizard boyfriend and demon girlfriend.

[minkyungseokie]

第一章| Getting the Job

warnings; age gap love(R: 23, S:39, T: 50), gxg, throuple, controversial age gaps, random German and Scottish pet names,

note; first chapter! Idk how many chapters this’ll have. I know it’ll include moodboards, smaus, blurbs, and specials that you guys can request!

note2; I don't really like Bianca, so she won't be appearing a lot in this series. I don't hate her, but I don't like her either. If you have an issue, don't complain, just stop reading ❤️

Taglist is open, but only for 19 more people

note3; I decided to give her cochlear implants because I want too. She’s deaf now

fc; imleslie(on a Chinese Instagram app called Xiaohongshu)

Come Talk to Me

Driven by Destiny Masterlist | Next

Autosports Masterlist | Main Masterlist | Toto Masterlist |

I do not give anyone permission to change, copy, or put my work on any other platform. It will only be on top, so if you see it, please report it. Or let me know.

Susie huffed, looking down at the sheer amount of paperwork she had on her desk. She wanted to grab a bite to eat, but she had so much to do and she needed a lot more help than what the employees around her can provide. She pulled out her phone and texted her husband, Toto, for some advice. She was a strong independent woman, but even strong independent women need a bit of advice from their spouses sometimes.

And what she got from him was beyond helpful.

A personal assistant.

She was going to hire a personal assistant to help her around the Academy. The list of requirements wasn't long, but it was specific and the requirements that were listed were important for the assistant to have or they wouldn't work well together. Susie typed out the application furiously, making sure that all her requirements were stated clearly and made sure that whoever was filling out the application knew what they were getting into. She made sure they knew what they would be doing, an estimate about the schedule, and what she expected of whoever applied.

Susie finished up and posted it to the F1 Academy website. She also made a Instagram post about it that was a joint post with the official F1 account and the FIA account. With a sigh and a satisfied smile, Susie closed her laptop and put it in her bag.

Now all she had to do was wait for the applications to roll in. She didn’t expect too many since a lot of people were only interested in watching F1 or were, since the fans were mostly men, protesting against the F1 Academy.

Y/n looked at the link that her sister, Rachel, had sent her. Y/n had told her that she needed a new job after finishing college and Rachel had sent her a bunch of applications to different jobs. They were all just random jobs she had found on the internet, which led to where she was now.

She was staring at an application to be a personal assistant to some billionaire's wife who was the leader of some academy for girls who like driving glorified go-karts. It paid more than any of the other jobs that Rachel had sent applications for. Y/n mumbled on her thumbnail, pondering whether she should aim high and apply for the PA job or should she just go for what she knows that she would be able to get.

Y/n was deep in thought when she was startled by the loud sound of her FaceTime ringtone, which happened to be one the songs from her brother's group. "Ah, shit!" Y/n yelled, nearly falling out of her chair, "Who the fuck?!" The dark haired girl growled, grabbing the phone off the table. "Hello?" Y/n answered, "Hey, Y/n. What are you up to?" The deep voice of her younger brother exited the phone as she set it up so he could see her.

"Ah, baby brother! How are you? Loving the new comeback." Y/n said, standing up to grab a bottle of water from her fridge. "I'm great. The comeback has been good so far. Have you heard the entire album?" Felix asked, "Yeah, of course." Y/n answered, sitting at the table once more. The two of them sat and talked about her brother's most recent comeback before the conversation turned to her.

"So, what've you been up to?" Felix asked, shoving what seemed like a chip into his mouth, "When did you get those?" Y/n questioned, pointing to the box of fried potato sticks. "Ah, Chan bright them to me a bit ago." Felix answered, shoving another one in his mouth, "Well, I was thinking..."

"Uh oh."

"Shut up, Lix. Anyway, I was thinking that now I finished University, I should get a new job. One that fits my expertise better, you know? So I asked Rach to help and she sent me some applications she found online..." Y/n said, looking at the open webpage. "Yeah?" Felix spoke, urging her to continue her words, "She sent me one for some F1 Academy. It pays well and I fit the requirements, but..."

"But what?" Felix urged, "I don't know what the F1 academy is and it's in Monaco." Y/n sighed. "Where's that?" Felix questioned, "It's, like, right beside Italy, I think." Y/n answered, "Okay, so what's the issue? It sounds like a good opportunity." Felix said. "I don't want to move away from our parents and sisters." Y/n set her head on her hand, using it as a way to keep her head up, "I don't think mum and dad would want you to hold back for them. Neither would Rachel and Olivia. They would want you to go. They wanted me to go." Felix spoke up.

"Felix, that's because it was your dream. Your dream was to be an idol, so of course they weren't going to hold you back from doing it." Y/n groaned. "Y/n it doesn't matter whether it's your dream or not. It's a better job opportunity for you until you're able to start modeling the way you want." Felix suggested.

Y/n thought about it. It would be nice to make money until she finds a modeling agency that wants to sign her because waiting around for something to happen won't make her any money. She needed to pay rent and keep herself fed, plus, from what she researched about Monaco, they did not collect personal income tax or capital gains taxes. There were no property taxes in Monaco, but rental properties were taxed at 1% of the annual rent plus other applicable charges.

Monaco sounded like a dream. She really didn't think that places like that existed, but knowing that she'd keep every penny of her hard earned money sealed the deal. Y/n applied for the PA position and closed her laptop, "Okay, now to wait." Y/n let out a breath as she looked around her house.

There was no way she wouldn’t be getting the job. She was once an extremely popular Formula Two driver before she ended up quitting. She had met the likes of so many old Formula One drivers who were excited to see her race alongside them when she was ready, but she unfortunately couldn’t continue due to her mother not having enough money for her to have a seat and unfortunately no sponsers wanted to sponsor her.

Y/n stood up and threw her water bottle away. She hadn’t kept up with Formula One since she had left Formula Two and she was kind of curious how her friends from karting and F2 were doing. They were obviously doing better than her since they refused to keep in contact with her, but it’s alright. She could barely remember anything about them anyway so it didn’t matter. It did when she was younger though.

After she left and they stopped talking to her, she felt like everything was falling apart for her. She was living in the UK at the time, but decided to come back to Australia to be near her half siblings and step mother and start her career in modeling or something in the industry. Of course, her plans to model next to the likes of the Hadid sisters or other popular models, had fallen through and she had only become famous as the half sister of Felix Yongbok Lee, the freckled cutie with a deep voice of the famous Korean pop group, Stray Kids.

Y/n pulled out her phone and ordered some food, hoping that it wasn't a bad decision to put in only one application for a job that might be out of reach for her. 

Oh well.

It had been a week since Y/n had sent in the application and she had been waiting for the call back. She was sitting on her couch, staring at the large flat screen TV that was playing a Sidemen Reacts video that popped up on her feed while shoveling hwachae* into her mouth when the sound of another song from her brother's band rang through the air. Y/n picked up her phone with the spoon hanging from her lips and looked at the screen.

It was an unknown number. Y/n didn't usually answer the calls of numbers she didn't know, but something within her told her to answer it, so she did. After pausing the video, Y/n hit the green button on the screen and put the up to her ear, "Uh, hello?" Y/n answered, accent thick. "Uh, hello. Is this Miss Y/n L/n?" A sweet feminine voice that was paired with a Scottish accent, asked, "Uhm, yes. This is her. How may I help you?" Y/n asked, setting the bowl onto the table and sitting up straight. "Yes, this is about the application you put in for the PA position at the Formula One Academy." The woman said.

Y/n sat there for a hot minute before her eyes widened, "Oh! Yes, ma'am. What about it?" Y/n asked, "I wanted to call and let you know that we are interested in having you in the position, but first we need to schedule an interview. Is there a specific time that you're available?" The woman asked.

"Uh, I'm currently living in Australia and not moving to Monaco until a next month." Y/n said. Truthfully, she didn't want to being that up, but she knew that it would be suspicious if she scheduled the meeting so far away. She knew that the fact she was living in Australia could possibly ruin her chances of securing such a good job, but she just didn't have it in her to lie to the very sweet sounding woman.

"Okay, um, I'll be right back. Hang on tight." The lady said, "Okay, ma'am." Y/n said. Once the woman put her on hold, Y/n put the phone on speaker, muted herself, and continued to watch her video until she heard something from the woman on the other line. 

"Uh, hello?" The woman's voice spoke up. Y/n paused her video and quickly unmuted herself, "I'm here." Y/n spoke up. "Okay, so, we usually wouldn't do this, but we really think you'd be a good fit for the position, so I'll tell you what. Save this number. My name is Susie Wolff. Once you're moved into Monaco and finally settled down, give me a call." The woman, Susie, said. "Okay, thank you, Mrs. Wolff. I'll call you once I'm in Monaco." Y/n said, "Alright. See you then. Bye." Susie said before hanging up.

Y/n looked down at her phone with wide eyes before jumping up and onto her couch with a large smile, "I got it! I got it!" Y/n cheered loudly, jumping up and down as if she was a child on a super bouncy bed. "Holy shit, I have to let Felix know." Y/n said, jumping down from the couch and grabbing her phone, which fell out of her hand after she jumped up onto the couch. Instead of calling him, she texted him since she never knew his schedule.

누나- Noona? 아, 누구세요?- Oh? Who are you? 현진- Hyunjin 릭시에게 전화기 좀 주실래요?- Can you give Lixie the phone please

⋘ 𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑎… ⋙

Y/n quickly went to the room that held the boxes that she would use to pack away her things and smiled. It was never too early to begin packing.

Susie cheered. She had finally found the person she was looking for after a week. She was super lucky that she had decided to continue searching through the online applications rather than giving up on looking at the mediocre applications and deciding to hold a hiring fair or something.

Not only was Y/n L/n the most perfect candidate for the PA position, but she had the most relaxing and attractive voice Susie had ever heard other than her husband's.

Susie cleared her throat and looked at the work she had on her computer. She had never been as excited as she was now other than the time when she found out she was pregnant, had Jack, and started the Academy. Okay, she had been this excited before, but this is different. She can tell that she was going to be good friends with Y/n and shoe couldn't wait to work with the younger woman.

This was going to be fun

↳ ❝ [Taglist] ¡!❞

@evie-119 @exotic-iris13 @alliwantisadonut @cheyxfu @xoscar03 @sunnylikesfrogs

[weeeeeekly]

quarter life crisis – ot5 tomorrow x together x afab!reader

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blurb !!! Reincarnation can bring soulmates together despite their time apart. Being a huge fan of TOMORROW X TOGETHER helped you get through the struggles of entering early adulthood. You would thank them personally if you ever could but when you possibly get the chance it’s more than what you could ever hope for.

info !!! txt are still idols, reincarnation au, soulmates au, polyamory, throuple²… they’ll all eventually date each other, mc has mental health struggles, universe assigned lactose intolerance, team no kids, glasses wearer, lives in the middle of fuck nowhere but still a city (just go with it), pet names used are “our love” and princess, & not edited.

wc: 4.1k (idk what happened)

WARNINGS !!! NSFW, MDNI, 18+, extremely self-indulgent, soft yandere!txt, mentions of mental health & self-harm (nothing graphic) for entire series

author’s note !!! This is fiction!!! this is made up!!! I do not condone breaking in, stalking, and other ulterior motives to get close to someone you are romantically interested in.

why are there not more ot5!txt x fem/afab or gender-neutral reader… mandatory note that i do not think txt act like this in real life. I also cannot come up with a blurb for the life of me, so please peep the info tags.

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CHAPTER NINE

extra warning for triggering topics for child neglect, shitty parents, & self-harm.

& general warning for SMUT and sexual jokes!! mentions of afab (assigned female at birth) body parts like tits & pussy, reader isn’t a virgin, men on men action, oral (fem receiving), fingering, handjob, cum eating, PIV (penis in vagina) sex, unhuman levels of stamina & recovery periods, sixsome (??)

You’ve always hated your birthday.

Ever since your 11th birthday, it has become an enemy. A reminder that you are half of both of your parents. A reminder that you’re still here after all these years.

That – despite everything – you’re still you and you have been through everything. Suffering through life events that most people, especially children, should never have to witness.

The memory of your mom letting go of your hand in the middle of the crowd at the busy mall so she could smoke a cigarette leaving your 7-year-old self to wait for her. Or when your dad unscrewed your bedroom door off its hinges and tossed it in the trash after you got a C on a math quiz in 7th grade. Or when your parents spent your college tuition on your 17th birthday to go on separate cruises leaving you at home alone.

You happily spent the night before your 18th birthday in a shitty motel a few hours away by bus, surrounded by two suitcases that held your only belongings. With a box of cupcakes, you bought at the store a few minutes ago, blowing out a pretend candle as you blocked your parents’ contacts to never reach you again.

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A month ago, your life changed for the better when 5 of your favorite guys moved in next door for reasons you still don’t know to this day. The 6 of you also developed a close relationship with each other in such a short amount of time. You guess it could be contributed to the pull Soobin and Taehyun always talked about.

Thinking back on it, you did occasionally get this feeling in your stomach that felt like someone, or something was trying to rip you in half from inside. Usually, you would chalk up any sort of pain in your abdominal region to be period cramp related, however, the feeling would always happen when it wasn’t near your period. The last time the pull happened was right before you left work the day TXT appeared.

You had just gotten into that stupid fender bender right before an 8 AM to 4 PM shift and started to space out around lunchtime. After you had your break, mainly your boss talking about her niece, your stomach started feeling weird after you got back to your desk.

The same feeling as the pull.

You doubt that you’ll ever get a concrete explanation for that, pushing the thought away since you had work to get to.

Watching the sunrise was one of the few positives of living in your town. The rest of the drive to your work was the same old routine as usual. You go through the rest of your motions as you clock in to work. You smile at your phone from the texts your friend sent.

roomie HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 23! I’M SORRY THAT I DIDNT WISH YOU EXACTLY AT MIDNIGHT :((( THEY HAD ME WORK IN THE NICU AND THIS BABY WAS TOO CUTE TO PUT DOWN

roomie ILL SEE U TMRW TO GIVE U UR GIFTS GOTTA WORK AGAIN I LOVE U

you i love you just as much

you don’t overwork yourself <3

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”

Your metal water bottle drops to the floor from your hands as your boss and coworkers hold a cake and birthday balloons in front of you. There’s the faint hum of a speaker playing a piano version of the “happy birthday” song as the people surrounding you have smiles on their faces.

“Blow out the candle!”

Closing your eyes to make a wish, your mind is only repeating one single thought to wish for.

I wish that everything stays exactly the way it is now.

You don’t want to leave the dream that involves TXT being neighbors, hanging, and kinda being smitten with you.

When you open your eyes, you break into a smile that hurts your cheeks. One of your coworkers hands you a neon blue napkin to wipe your oncoming tears. Letting out an embarrassed laugh, you dry your eyes as your boss hands you the first slice of cake.

It’s exactly the way you want it – cold, triple layers with your favorite filling in between, and a scoop of lactose free ice cream on the side. You never realized that someone paid enough attention to you to get your birthday cake right. Or that anyone wanted to pay attention to you.

This makes you tear up all over again.

“Since I’m the greatest boss in the entire world,” Your boss starts as they eat a slice of cake, “And it is your birthday, you’re free to go home after this to have a 3-day weekend.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah! I got cake. If everyone else leaves early too, I can go see my niece.”

“I won’t keep you from that.”

You thank everyone for surprising you, pack a big slice to bring home for your roommate and the guys, and happily head home.

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The second you unlock your door, Beomgyu pops a mini confetti canister while shouting “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, OUR LOVE!”

Your jaw drops as you take in the sight before you – Yeonjun and Soobin coming around the corner with a homemade cake with candles, Kai throwing rose petals in the air, Taehyun holding a giant gift bag, and Beomgyu taking your stuff from your hands to lead you closer to the middle of the room. Your living room and kitchen area have been decorated with streamers in rainbow colors and bunches of balloons covering the floor.

They sing “happy birthday” to you as Beomgyu hugs you.

“This is almost the best birthday gift ever. Thank you, guys, really.”

Beomgyu leans his head on your shoulder as you blow the candles out “Almost?”

“The best gift was opening my door to see TXT staring back at me.”

“Aw.”

“I really cannot thank you all enough for doing this for me. For even knowing my birthday.”

Soobin feeds you a piece of the cake he baked earlier that day, making sure to watch your expression to see if you enjoy the food. You compliment him on his baking skills as the others share the cake as well.

Since you’re sitting down, you can finally live in the moment as you start to enjoy your birthday, but just a little. It isn’t until TXT starts doing show and tell with the gifts they got you that you stare at them.

You want to blame your hormones.

That you would get your period soon.

Just biology.

But, honestly, you’re not sure what came over you this time. Maybe it was the compression shirt Kai was wearing. Or maybe it was the way Soobin kept pushing his hair back to show his forehead. Or maybe Yeonjun switching his earrings from hoops to studs. Or maybe Beomgyu wearing his glasses. Or maybe Taehyun wearing a crop top.

But it is definitely on you for opening your mouth and half joking, not joking to say, “I want Five Guys to fuck up my guts.”

Soobin’s head whips so fast towards you, “Huh?”

“You want fast food? I can order.” Kai unlocks his phone.

You stare Taehyun dead in the eyes, “Take your pants off.”

Beomgyu starts running around in a circle around the room as he yells “WOAH!” and Yeonjun’s ears turn bright red.

You let out a giggle, “Oh my god, that felt so good to say out loud.”

“Pants off?” Taehyun asks as he starts to pull down his sweatpants.

A beautiful pair of gray sweatpants.

Kai’s eyes go wide as his jaw drops, “Clothes? Off?”

Yeonjun panics as he frantically waves his hands to stop Taehyun from losing an article of clothing. Once he ties the strings into a triple bow for Taehyun, he sits you back down in your chair.

“Please don’t joke about things like that.”

“Why? Are you turned on?”

Yeonjun avoids eye contact as you burst out into a fit of giggles.

“I knew it! We can do a fun group activity! Get STI tested and then buy condoms!”

“CON–”

Beomgyu begins before Soobin smacks his massive hand over his mouth to shut him up.

“Me next.”

Soobin gives you a distraught look as Yeonjun and Kai kneel in front of you.

“I’ve had this dream before.”

Yeonjun face palms as Kai gently holds your hands, “Have you… drank or ate anything…?”

Insinuating if you were tipsy, drunk, or high. You wish, but you were 10000% stone cold sober.

“Nope! Just in a really good mood.”

“Is it okay if we touch you?”

“I consent wholeheartedly.”

Then, with the strength of Greek Gods and Goddesses, Yeonkai pick you up in a shared princess carry as they brought you to your bedroom. They put you on your bed as you smirk at them.

“Oh my god.” Dragging out the last syllable and bashfully covering your eyes, “Just discovered something new about myself.”

Soobin, Beomgyu, and Taehyun file into your bedroom too and close the door behind them.

“It’s great seeing you so happy on your birthday, but maybe we should have a talk.”

Taehyun helps scooch you against your headboard as he sits on your right side with Beomgyu on your left and the Yeonjun, Soobin, and Kai in front of you.

“We,” Yeonjun begins as he holds your attention, “like you a lot. We liked you in our past life and we like you in this current life.”

“I still don’t fully understand how we’re soulmates and reincarnation and everything else, but I like what we have right now. And I would still like you guys if TXT didn’t exist, and we met as strangers.”

“Our beautiful love.” Soobin comments as he caresses your face.

If you could freeze a moment and be able to replay it whenever you wanted it would definitely be this moment. The way the guys are all looking at you with such adoration in their eyes and their soft smiles.

Ugh, you could keel over and die from happiness.

“Speaking of beautiful things, who’s going to take their shirt off.”

“Serious?”

“Yeah. Honestly even a little shoulder peek would make me go rabid.”

And like an animal in a zoo when mealtime comes around, you go crazy when Beomgyu pulls Soobin’s shirt off his shoulder making Soobin shy and causes you to jump off the bed to do zoomies around the apartment. When you walk back, embarrassed at your actions, your bedroom door creeks open as you peek your head in to see the guys turn to look at but with Taehyun completely shirtless now.

You shut the door and run into your bathroom, locking the door behind you as the posters of them stare back at you mockingly. You turn the shower on to the coldest setting and start to take your clothes off.

“Are you okay?” Yeonjun calls from the other side.

“Y-yeah, just need to shower.”

“Okay, we’re going to head out and be right back.”

“Stay safe!”

You stay still as you hear their footsteps head to the front door and leave even hearing the lock click in place. Once their voices fade away, you drop to the ground to hug your knees.

You had always considered yourself funny and liked to make a bunch of inappropriate jokes, especially when you got close to people. Being comfortable around friends allowed you to let loose. Sometimes you felt like you were annoying and weren’t sure if people wanted to stick around, so you’re afraid you’ll drive them away eventually.

Getting back up to look at yourself in the mirror, you can’t help but grimace. You had some scars littering your upper thighs and stretch marks on your stomach, arms, and tits.

Letting out a sigh as you step away from the mirror to take off your bra and underwear to actually shower. The water was freezing cold, but you heard its good to calm down and it is refreshing as you quickly go through your usual showering routine. Heading back to your room with a towel wrapped around your body and another towel around your hair to be met by the guys sitting on your bed in pjs.

“Uh hey guys. What’s up?”

Taehyun holds up a stack of printed papers as you put your new glasses on to read what it says.

“All negative for any STIs.”

“And we paid for rapid results!”

You hold the towel closer to your chest as Soobin holds up a box of condoms and lube.

“Uh… could you guys leave my room for a minute so I can change.”

Kai leans back on the bed as he says, “Drop the towel.”

If there was a camera to stare into for your reaction you would. Your eyes flit from member to member to see their similar serious expressions.

“Do you want to have sex?”

They all talk over each other, but you pick up on the unanimous “yes” coming from each of them.

“But are you sure like you consent to having sex.” The guys all verbally agree as you continue, “Any one can stop if they feel uncomfortable at any time and be able to voice if they don’t like something.”

Taehyun quickly translates for Soobin, Beomgyu, and Kai as they tell you “yes”.

“Safe word is “americano”, okay?”

You snort at the choice of word but agree as you take your now dry hair out from the towel. “I would prefer to keep a shirt on, hate feet touching, slapping, and degradation.”

Yeonjun translates and then informs you, “Soobin hates his ears being touched, Beomgyu doesn’t have anything, Taehyun also doesn’t like slapping, Kai will also keep his shirt on, and I don’t like hair pulling.”

You give a thumbs up as you turn to your closet to grab an oversized shirt to put on. Taking a deep breath, you drop your towel which causes a chorus of “damn” making your face heat up as you slip the shirt on and turn around.

“Oh, shit one last thing. I, uh, have some scars on my upper thighs but I haven’t done it in a while.

Yeonjun solemnly nods his head as he motions for you to come closer.

He kisses your hand and puts it on his cheek, “We just hope you’re feeling better now.”

“Yeah, I am.” You tell him truthfully. “And last thing I promise, I haven’t shaved.”

“That doesn’t matter.” Taehyun says, “You’re pretty.”

And with that compliment from Taehyun, you take your glasses off, place them on your shelf, lean forward, kiss Yeonjun. You caught him by surprise, obviously, but a second later he starts kissing back and wraps your hands around the back of his head. You feel a figure start kissing the back of your neck and hear the rustling of clothes coming off.

Yeonjun breaks the kiss to take a gasp of air as a blur of blond hair snakes around your shoulder to start kissing you.

“Hi Hyuka.”

He stops kissing your forehead to give you a cute smile that makes you want to go into war for him. (You felt that before but now it’s on another level now that he’s right in front of you.)

“Hi princess.”

Your legs get weak a little as your eyes glaze over.

“You like that, princess?”

You feebly nod at Kai as you lean forward to kiss him. You open your mouth slightly wider to let his tongue in. He tastes like the mint mouthwash in your bathroom. You tilt your head back more to let him lead the kiss as you feel another pair of hands wander your body.

Kai leans back from kissing you and smiles at you before kissing your forehead, looking down to see Beomgyu without his glasses kneeling in front of you now and kissing your stomach over your shirt. Soobin then switches places with him, he doesn’t hesitate in putting your hands in his hair to pull his head back. You close the gap between the two of you as your lips hover above his.

“Wait.” You remember, “I have my STI results from my doctor appointment last month.”

Soobin barely lets you finish your sentence before he starts kissing and sucking on your neck.

Yeonjun whispers in your ear as he cups your tits over your shirt, “It’s okay, we know you’re negative too.”

You have to pause from gasping at Soobin’s attention, “What?”

“Your results are on your desk.” Taehyun whimpers out as he palms himself over his sweatpants on your bed.

Nodding your head as you go back to letting Soobin kiss your neck, you’re sure that you put the paper in a folder in your car, but you were negative for any STIs. Beomgyu doesn’t let you dwell on the thought anymore as he starts kissing your thighs.

“Can we, uh, go on the bed?”

Soobin trails kisses up to your face before giving one last peck before Beomgyu moves you onto the edge of the bed and kneels in front of you. Taehyun moves your head into his lap as he smiles down at you. Soobin and Yeonjun sit on both sides of Taehyun and start kissing his neck in turns as Kai stands next to Beomgyu.

You lock eyes with Beomgyu as he begins slowly moving his hands up your legs and stopping at your thighs.

“Can I?”

“Yes please.”

He spreads your legs open, licking his lips when your legs are open for him and positions himself so his arms can stop your legs from shutting. He gives you one last look before surging forward to kiss your pussy. You let out a gasp as begins licking at you moving his head in different directions to get the best reaction out of you.

As Beomgyu eats you out like you’re the last meal on earth and he’s been starving, Kai takes his pants and boxers off and begins stroking himself. You motion for him to get closer to you and grasp his dick in your hand. You haven’t seen that many dicks in real life, and the few you did see were okay, so you’re not sure if it’s because you’re insanely attracted to him or because he really is ethereal but even his dick is pretty. He’s slightly bigger than average and has good girth, you trace the veins as you stare at it.

“That feels… so good.”

“It’s going to feel better in a sec.”

You take your head off his dick and spit in your palm. When you wrap your hand back around his shaft, Kai lets out a sigh as you begin slowly stroking him.

You do your best to gradually speed up but you’re getting closer to cumming from Beomgyu eating you out, but you accidentally squeeze when Beomgyu focuses on your clit.

“Fuck, sorry, Hyuka.”

He hisses as you mediocrely continue jerking him off.

“It’s. Okay. Getting. Close.” He says as he bites his lip.

You feel the pressure building up and getting close to cumming, so you do your best to have Kai cum at the same time you do. Just as you’re about take your hand away to tangle in Beomgyu’s luscious locks Kai throws his head back as he cums all over your hand. Succumbing to your inner thoughts, you lick his cum off his hand as your other hand yanks Beomgyu’s hair to ride out your high.

“Holy shit.”

Beomgyu leans back on his heels as he smirks at you with a dark look in eyes, licking at his lips that glisten from you.

“Thanks.”

As your chest heaves and you lick the rest of Kai off your hand, you thank Beomgyu. “More like I should be thanking you. Best head I’ve ever received.”

Beomgyu gets up and walks out of your room probably to head to the bathroom to wash his mouth. Taehyun grabs your attention as his boner is poking at your cheek now. You sit up as you turn to face the guys – Yeonjun and Soobin are now fully making out and Kai is helping Taehyun take off his shirt.

“People would pay so much money to have this sight.”

Taehyun laughs at your joke as Kai tosses his shirt towards your desk chair. You can’t help but admire his body and how much effort he’s put into working out. The few pictures and teases he’s shown of his abs do him no justice to how crazy they look up close. You could wash their dirty pjs with his abs with how washboard they are.

God, if only they could read your insane thoughts.

“Okay.” You clap your hands together as they pay attention to you, “Who wants to go first to get head?”

They stare at you blankly as you feel embarrassment start to creep up.

“What’d I say?”

Beomgyu comes back with a washcloth in hand as he walks over to help you clean your thighs.

“Silly love.” He kisses your temple. “We’re ready to fuck you.”

Before you can let out a strangled noise, you let out a yelp as Taehyun knocks you down and starts kissing you. One of his hands gropes at your chest causing your mouth to open widen and allows him to explore your mouth with his tongue.

“I hope Taehyun isn’t being too rough.” Yeonjun whispers in your left ear.

You shake your head “no” as you continue making out with Taehyun having your hands roam his shirtless body. Taehyun trails a hand down to cup your pussy and tease his middle finger through your folds.

“You are so fucking hot.” He murmurs against your lips as pushes a finger inside you.

You rest your head against his shoulder as he works another finger inside you to stretch you out a little. It feels a little weird, but you haven’t had any action for a while. The most you’ve done is use your bullet vibe.

“Okay Tae, I’m ready.”

He kisses you again before sitting up, grabbing a condom, and rolling it on. Once it’s on, he squeezes out a good amount of lube on his dick and holds your legs up, positioning himself at your entrance. He sinks into you and you both lout out a moan.

“I have been dreaming about this.”

He slowly sinks into you, inch by inch until he bottoms out and slowly pulls out to repeat the process. After a few times, he switches up the pace and starts thrusting into you.

“Tae, it feels so good.”

“I know, princess. It feels so good for me too.”

Taehyun thrusts into you at a solid pace that feels amazing as Yeonjun whispers dirty thoughts into your ear.

“We’ve been wanting to do this for too long.”

“I missed hearing your moans. Like heaven to my ears.”

“You’re such a good girl.”

The mix of Taehyun speeding up his thrusts and Yeonjun’s last comment helps bring you closer to cumming yet again. You grip Taehyun’s shoulders as he continues fucking you.

“I’m close.”

Taehyun takes this as an invitation to sneak a hand down to rub your clit. Your eyes roll back at the incredible feeling as Taehyun leaves kisses on your face. It doesn’t take that much longer for you to cum and clench around him as he hisses. He fucks you through it as his hips stutter as he cums into the condom. His hand is still playing with your clit until he pulls out and your thighs shake at the overstimulation.

“God. Damn.”

You stare up at Taehyun as he grins at you and begins cleaning your body with the washcloth.

“Hope you enjoyed that.” He says as he kisses you again.

You hum in agreement as you back against your bed.

“I’m just gonna… close my eyes for a little.”

You close your eyes and before you know it, you’re fast asleep.

masterlist | previous | next

author’s note sorry y’all i have to promote safe sex even in fiction because sex health is important to me.

& again, everything is fictional!!! the depiction of sex is written specifically for fiction!! i am in no way insinuating any member of TXT acts like this because this is fiction!!!

[scandalouslamb]

hello it’s me again!! i just read your latest fic (obsessed) and it’s got me thinking about Diana and Alma Coin. i was wondering if you had any thoughts or headcanons about them and their relationship that you’d be willing to share?

(the fic mentioned in ask. the fic people should read before that one.)

Hello!!! Always excited to hear from you! Also for everyone who doesn't read my fics, please note that the Diana here refers to my OC, Diana Ravinstill, not Diana Ring (although she is named after her). She's Felix, Artemisia (my other OC), and Festus' daughter, (Biologically she's Felix's and Artemisia, and they're in a throuple with Festus who co-parents her).

I think I mention this briefly in All That You Can Do, but these two definitely connect over grief. Coin loses a daughter and a husband before the events of Mockingjay and her life's probably been defined by all the limitations of living underground to escape the Capitol while Diana's life is also just equally defined by things and people she's lost.

They're both weirdly comfortable with how unsure they are of each other's genuine feelings/attraction to the other. There's always this element of Diana being a major source of the funds for the Rebellion while Coin is obviously Thirteen's president and has more political power than Diana. They both need each other to ensure their own power, they're both using each other a little bit, and somehow that gives them comfort. I think it stops them from thinking their relationship is too real or serious.

Going off that point, I imagine Coin is reluctant to see herself in a serious relationship because of having lost her husband and daughter and the pain of that while Diana saw what her parents' deaths had on each of them and entertaining a serious romantic entanglement would mean (to her) that she's liable to be hurt and fall apart in the same way

Of course, Coin dies and in any world except All That You Can Do, Diana's first reaction is 'well, of course, this happens.' I think after all the loss in her life. She'd just think it was the cherry on top of the cake that as soon as she gets the revenge she's spent nearly half a century waiting for, the woman she's been seeing gets assassinated.

Since Diana's personaliy/behavior changes a bit depending on what specifically happens with her parents. Close Your Eyes! Diana imitates more of Festus' old casual and laidback demeanor to hid her hurt, and I think that means that she and Coin are closer to the bickering dynamic of Festus and Felix which these women transform into something almost antagonistic while It's Still You! Diana leans into her more into a genuine personality that engages with issues that Coin might be having so in a funny coincidence the dynamic becomes more Artemisia and Felix.

(The fact that Felix ends up being the Coin parallel is alarming to me, resident Felix enjoyer who occasionally worries that my version of him will stray so far into the morally questionable that only I'll be able to love him... <- part of that could actually be a bad summary for It's Still You)

And also because I apparently love giving characters the hardest dynamic to explain ever (and I've mentioned this in at least one Author's Note), but I can imagine a throuple situation with Diana, Coin and Plutarch could exist, but Diana and Plutarch aren't actually involved with one another, because I headcanon (or is it just canon cuz she's my OC?) that Diana is a lesbian. (Honestly, idk if I'll ever make this in-text canon in one of my fics, but thinking about the absolute mess that this would make Thirteen's government in Mockingjay makes me laugh. Soap opera-level drama happening just outside Katniss' view.)

Okay, this got pretty long lol! I love the random curveball that I had to throw at the end.

This was genuinely a very fun ask to answer, because I don't think many of these details will ever make it to an actual fic (although who knows?)! And surprised and delighted that someone wanted to know more about Diana and Coin's situationship.

[teenagemilkshakefan]

ELITE UPDATE 2: THREE SEASONS FINISHED

Ookayyy let's go so my first elite (let's say review) was after watching just 4 episodes and forming a holy shit amount of opinions for every character coz boy was I wrong..anyways I just finished 3 seasons of elite!.. like wow can't believe that. so let's talk about it. Firstly I get that this is a murder mystery show but like do we get someone or the other getting killed of in the end or like what? okay first things first I said some wild things about some of my babies and i really wanna retract my statement because these people are my babies.. guzman, lu, omar and ander lord i had absolutely no idea that there characters would be here now, like god! okay nadia and guzman I was shipping it then and I am shipping it now (although they broke up, but fuck that! they're still together for me) yeah, so like, believe me no one I repeat not a single person saw the whole nadia and lu friendship coming , like it literally hit me and I was like wha-

THE throuple ended, some people died and we got our second favorite couple - samuel and carla!! aghhh they were soo cute. love them so much! just fyi if you also love them, then don't see the short stories they literally broke up every single couple in there) now coming back to the elephant in the room- POLO*** jesus but I from a hundred miles away could not even think this was gonna happen, like my 1st update is evidence of that, I was so indifferent towards him coz I just didn't care! he was a sidekick imo but somehow this guy even after MURDERING someone made me feel sympathetic for him!! for a murderer like how did they do that!? Polo's death actually made me cry more than marina's ( never liked her but still). He was going through so much . He was in pain. like watching him struggle through life was insanely difficult and his mom supporting patriarchy after being in a lesbian relationship was another level of rage for me. But boy the guy did have a thing for throuples (I am still wrapping my head around the first one) ooh and newbies-- cayetana ,rebeka ( not sure i spelled it right), valerio (*heart eyes*) oh and emir ( idk if that's the name but carla's rich bf) These people somehow pulled the rug right out of my feet. Valerio was in the headlines in s2 and s3. Firstly s2 the whole thing with lu..ooh but that was a bit (no actually very much) weird. Let's not go there. Yeah and the whole cayetana thing..nicee ( as in story wise not in disrespecting your mother for her work wise) i don't really like her tbh but I have a strong gut feeling that I would eventually end up loving her. I still wanna say sorry to guzman. You're the best srsly. samuel I love you, but what you did to rebeka was wrong. So fuck you ( but like gently) yeah uhm rebeka.. okay so new story and lots of drama *widens eyes* obv I love her like how could anyone NOT love her. She's a total babe. ugh this is getting really long okay yeah so about my future elite plans...? none for now, I feel like s3 ended on a good note for me. And if I am being honest. I dug up a bit and found out that samuel and guzman have some beef over a girl in s4 and I am def not in the mood for seeing there friendship get messed up. So yeah for now it's a goodbye to elite. I feel like there should be one more update coz I missed some major plot points like the whole ander and omar thing, and nadia's dad and yeah lu and party scene but *shrugs* let's see.

[oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat]

Polyamory in MY Fanfic? It's More Likely Than Ya Think.

Working on a lil something for the qpp analogical au I mentioned. Got plenty of side characters n such, some ocs. There's a polyamorous triad/throuple (idk what it's called?), and they three are married. It's this short and big woman who co-owns a bakery with one of her husbands, a taller and worry-prone guy w/ a deeper voice who also co-owns the bakery w/ his wife, and this sailor guy who can be a lil reckless sometimes on his trips and worries his partners. He's a hopeless romantic kinda guy. He also gets very blushy when hearing his husband's (co-baker) voice cause he's a bi diaster.

I love these three. They're side characters to the analogical fic, but they're my fav. The woman is Maria, the co-baker guy is Galen, and the sailor is Justin. Maria is aspec, and she laughs at her husbands as they flirt w/ each other and fluster the fuck outta one another. She finds it fuckin' hilarious. She's a total queen.

When I say Maria is a big woman, I mean she's fat. She's a fat, short woman and her partners love her to death. If anyone tries making neg comments about her, those two would beat their ass. Would fight for her, would die for her, would kill and live for her. Love me some mutual healthy devotion in relationships. And they three would do the same for each other.

Yeah, so Maria/Galen/Justin is a canon ship of my ocs. They'll appear for a bit in Chpt 1 (I'm writing it rn). Maria & Galen may appear later? Maybe, maybe not. TBD.

What should I call these three... I need some sort of ship/pairing name for 'em. Hm. BakerSail? Cause bakers and sailor. Or... idk. If ya any ideas for them, put it in the comments pls.

[mulletmitsuya]

Toman groupchat

Warnings: swearing, suggestive (basically talking about sex, no descriptions tho)

Kazutora: Mitsuya do you have any tips on how to give good head

Mikey: I-

Baji: ayo 💀

Mitsuya: ...

Mitsuya: what the fuck did you just ask me

Kazutora: I asked you how to give good head

Draken: Kazutora maybe you should have dmed him or smth?

Smiley: 💀

Hakkai: uhm😕

Mitsuya: I don't get it

Kazutora: should I say it in a different way?

Kazutora: how do you give good blowjobs

Kazutora: dude hurry up I'm bout to pull up to this dudes house

Draken: bro???

Baji: 🤨

Baji: who's house

Kazutora: you don't know him

Mitsuya: ...why would you ask me specifically I don't get it

Kazutora: cause you're like, the original gay of Toman

Kazutora: which means you're more experienced

Kazutora: and you look like the type of person who's had practice

Kazutora: help me out dude

Mikey: not you calling Mitsuya a ho💀💀

Draken: dude.....

Hakkai: Taka-chan isn't a ho Kazutora-kun🙁

Kazutora: I forgot Hakkai was in the gc

Kazutora: Hakkai are there any techniques you know of from Mitsuya??

Hakkai: 😟

Smiley: LMAO

Mikey: KAZUTORA STOP 😭

Mitsuya: are you trying to start a fight or something

Mitsuya: cause just say so

Kazutora: what did I do wrong

Kazutora: like why are you mad I just want answers

Draken: go to Google

Kazutora: has Google given head before? no

Draken: and why do you think Mitsuya has????

Kazutora: he's been gay for a long time

Mikey: your logic is flawed

Draken: idk it just seems like you're causing problems for no reason😕

Kazutora: fine I'll ask your mom

Mikey: nah he didn't

Smiley: 💀

Chifuyu: dude😟

Mitsuya: Kazutora wtf is wrong with you

Draken: ....

Draken: outta pocket

Draken: way outta pocket

Draken: what do you gain from that

Kazutora: I gain you shutting the fuck up

Kazutora: Mitsuya I'm not joking just tell me

Mitsuya: even tho it's none of your business

Mitsuya: I haven't gotten to that point yet

Mitsuya: so sorry, I can't help you 🙂

Kazutora: lmao virgin

Mitsuya: I'm real tired if your shit Hanemiya

Baji: haha virgin

Mikey: guys 😭

Draken: there's nothing wrong with being a virgin

Baji: you're only saying that cause you're a virgin too

Draken: you're trying to insult me but idc

Draken: sex should be with someone special

Kazutora: oh my god

Kazutora: a hole is a hole

Kazutora: learn from your mother Draken

Baji: Kazutora it's getting really hard to defend you

Chifuyu: maybe you should just leave😁‼️

Kazutora: you're ugly

Chifuyu: 🍌🐐

Chifuyu: this you?

Mikey: what's the goat for 💀

Chifuyu: his goat like eyes

Kazutora: you have a small dick

Chifuyu: not smaller than yours

Baji: why are you guys always coming in each others throats

Baji: *for

Mikey: STFU😭

Mikey: WATCHING YOU THREE TALK IS EXHAUSTING

Mikey: YOURE ALL SO STUPID

Baji: stfu Michael

Baji: you look like an actual child

Mikey: 🤨

Mikey: you wanna get beat?

Kazutora: so no one's gonna answer my question

Baji: weren't you joking

Kazutora: no I'm literally outside this dudes house

Baji: what dude????

Baji: that's cheating tho??

Kazutora: cheating on who??

Baji: me and Chifuyu

Kazutora: what bullshit are you spouting out of your ass now Keisuke🤨

Baji: wtf we're literally a couple

Baji: well throuple

Chifuyu: huh

Kazutora: HUH?????

Draken: omfg

Mitsuya: can y'all make a separate groupchat I'm losing fucking braincells

Baji: no guys it's true tho

Baji: me, Fuyu and Tora are in a relationship

Smiley: doesn't seem like they know 💀

Chifuyu: we're in a relationship...??

Chifuyu: then why have I been trying to get with you for three years

Kazutora: what the fuck are you taking about

Baji: the letters I confessed to you with are the same ones I asked you to be my bf with

Kazutora: those were basically just random letters of the alphabet put together

Kazutora: I couldn't make out what the fuck you were saying

Kazutora: the only think you could spell was your name

Baji: what are you saying, it took me three hours to write each of those letters

Draken: this is sad

Mitsuya: wait Baji how long have you guys been "together"

Baji: about three years now

Kazutora: THREE YEARS?????

Kazutora: you got me fucked up bro

Kazutora: three years in a relationship???? without me knowing???

Kazutora: something don't add up

Baji: I thought we were taking it slow

Chifuyu: for three years..?

Smiley: stupidity is entertaining most of the time but sometimes it's just sad

Baji: so y'all telling me we not in a relationship

Baji: ayt

Baji: gonna go burn a building down don't hmu

*Baji has gone offline*

Smiley: LMAO LOOK WHAT YALL DID

Draken: someone stop him

Kazutora: so like

Kazutora: should I just leave this guy's house or?

[cobrakaisb]

dating poly! topper and rafe

a/n: i’m posting this in honor of obx season 2 and me and my friend’s chaotic ft calls :) if this gets enough likes and/or reblogs, i might make a part two 🤪

getting together:

you meet the boys randomly when you move to outer banks

it’s definitely in the middle of high school and you somehow end up going to the kook academy

topper is in your grade and some of your classes, so that’s how you guys meet. 

after a while you and topper become pretty close, like you went from “what’s the math homework?” to “let’s hang out this weekend” 

topper definitely is making all the advances for a while because he’s like that

when you and topper finally hang out, his other friends also happen to be there: rafe and kelce

you meet the both of them and for some strange reason all of you click 

rafe immediately takes a liking towards you and starts crushing hard 

topper noticed and gets so jealous 

“she’s mine rafe back off” “she clearly likes me more top” “maybe you guys should stop arguing and let y/n decide” “mind your own business kelce!” 

when they bring it up you’re like “uhhhh” because you high key like them both.

“how about we all just date lol?” and rafe and topper mull it over for a bit before deciding that that’s a solid plan 

hence, the three of you start dating

once you start dating:

now that you’re official, there are some obligations that you have to fulfill

topper makes you wear his practice jersey to his football games (because he’s the quarterback and he needs your support)

rafe wears a random football sweatshirt to the game with toppers name on it

now rafe plays hockey so you have to wear his hockey jersey to his games while topper wears the sweatshirt

their letterman jackets are now your jackets, like they are hung up in your closet now

y’all have the best group costumes that are also so cringe

one year you wore the outfit that alissa violet wore in the fall of jake paul video and the boys were logan and jake

but then the next year you went as the backyardigans with kelce and his girlfriend

the boys walk you to your classes at school and give you a kiss on the cheek before leaving you

rafe is extra clingy when he has to leave you and topper behind together

people always try to flirt with them and you get so pissed about it

the boys think it’s hilarious but you’re just like “you’re mine 😡”

the boys are also super protective of you

“why are they looking at you like that?” “idk” “well tell them to stop or ill beat them up”

if you’re drinking they don’t drink that much

you guys either drive in rafes truck or toppers jeep and you sit in the back to be between the both of them

unless you’re feeling like a bad bitch, then you sit in the front

they take you to midsummers and spoil you so much before the event

they take you to try on dresses

topper is actually productive and gives legit input while rafe just says that everything looks hot on you

obviously they bought everything for you

shoes, dress, jewels, and other accessories

the three of you walk in together with the camerons, and its kind of like your official announcement as a throuple.

people are shocked but at the end of the day there is nothing they can do about it because rafe and topper will not hesitate to beat them up

interactions throughout the obx plot:   

when it comes to the pogues, you’re on pretty good terms with them 

like when you see jj and john b at the little cafe in town, you say hi and have a small conversation with them 

if you guys see each other at parties you’ll exchange pleasantries and stuff, but never have full on conversations or plan separate hangouts 

you know the scene when sarah and topper go by the pogues on his boat?

okay well imagine that scene except rafe and topper are there with you

and you’re just like “hi besties!!” waving excitedly at them, while topper and rafe just glare at them

when you find out about topper and rafe beating up pope you need to take a step back from the relationship because that shit doesn’t fly with you

you end up taking a solid break while the boys reevaluate their life choices 

we are gonna pretend that rafe isn’t a murderer because i said so 🤪

but topper still helps john b and sarah at the church also because i said so 🤪

you’re there to comfort jj when they announce that john b and sarah are “dead”

your boys are kind of pissed about it, but at the same time they know that that’s the type of person you are and there is nothing they can do about it. 

[zevlors-tail]

Some More OC Stuff

I have SIX Obey Me OC's now this is getting entirely out of hand RIP-

So I very recently decided my Obey Me OC, Muse (first pic below), was going to have a kid with at least one of their partners.

I'm still working on all the details, but meet Aska and Silas! You can probably guess which kid belongs to who lol. Tagging @paper-trash-bag since you mentioned you liked my OC stuff! Hopefully this is just as interesting! <3

Aska (bottom left) is from Muse and Simeon, and Silas (bottom right) is from Muse and Solomon. I'm toying with the idea of giving Aska another younger brother who would look exactly like Simeon but I'm not 100% sure about it yet?

And just for context, Muse, Solomon, and Simeon all live together in the same house and are a throuple/polyamorous.

Still kind of up in the air on what eye color Silas has since Muse has all blue eyes and Solomon has SOME blue in his eyes but also a hint of brown/hazel? Idk man there's a little bit of everything in there... Unfortunately the picrew I used for Silas is kind of limited in eye colors so I couldn't find a good hazel color to see what that might look like. :(

Some other fun facts about these two:

-Simeon was the one who named Aska while Muse named Silas

-Aska looks mostly like her father but her personality is more like Muse. You can't see it in the pic but she usually wears her hair in a small fluffy little ponytail at the back of her head

-Silas looks more like Muse other than the white hair but has more of Solomon's personality. The little curls in his hair are also from Muse :')

-Aska sees Solomon as a babysitter more than a father figure (less of an annoying babysitter and more of the fun kind) but will often go to him for advice on anything that she can't confide in Muse and Simeon for

-Uriel is Aska's godfather while Claire and Thirteen are her godmother(s)

-Same for Silas, except his godfather is actually Simeon, who he does see as a second father figure

-Aska sees Luke as sort of an endearing uncle who helped raise her even though they're close in age (should mention that Luke is older/more grown up by the time this story/plot takes place)

-Silas just thinks "Luke is annoying and uptight about Celestial Realm shit" ...in his words. lol. Really he's just jealous that Luke spends more time with Aska.

-Aska and Silas aren't that far apart in age (haven't figured out specifics yet)

-Both of them are somewhat immature but Silas can save face way better than Aska can

-Silas has a TERRIBLE sense of fashion (but at least he can cook! thanks, Simeon!). Mostly this is because he desperately wants to be seen as a separate entity from his parents and wants to be his own rebellious person

-Aska is disinterested in magic and the different realms; she just wants to mix music and be a DJ or dance and sing

-Silas is dedicated to his studies and magic but hates it at the same time; he hides away his carefree side because he wants to make his parents and others proud and surpass them. But at the same time he doesn't really want that burden...

-Silas got the short end of the stick when it came to his vision because of Muse's shitty eyesight and Solomon's millennia old genes, so he has to wear glasses lol

-Aska started out more attached to Muse as a child but grew closer to Simeon the older she got while Silas was more attached to Solomon when he was younger but became very attached to Muse as he got older

-Because Muse is Agender and uses They/Them pronouns, Aska gave them the nickname "Parental Unit/Parent" in leu of "Mom"

-The only exception to this is when Aska is in peril, feels unsafe, or when something is seriously wrong; she instinctively calls Muse "Mom" and that's their way of knowing that she needs saving from a situation or person(s)

-Silas's assigned sin is Pride

-Aska's assigned sin is currently undecided :/

[batarangsoundsdumb]

hae interrogationes multae respondeant quia demens .

if you read this entire ask post you deserve a gold star and financial recompensation

Um, Obviously because when you’re adopted by a white guy you automatically become white duhhh

this is about this post lmao and yeah youre absolutely right, you have to hand your poc card in when you get adopted by a white guy.

Do you think Cass would listen to Yanni, the YouTube channel epic symphonic rock, or some other stuff? There's some cool mashups but idk if that's up your alley, I kinda feel like I'm pushing it with my weird taste of music by recommending an orchestra cover of metal, but i just love that sort of thing and mashups :P @harvestyourcherries 

i haven’t heard of that? but in my personal (correct) opinion steph listens to classical music, and then both modern and older, and then also stuff like black sabbath, iron maiden, but also hardrock and hardcore. i like the idea of cass just liking the most extreme screaming songs full of noise and then also listen to pachelbel’s 370th sonata yanno? THANK YOU for the rec tho

speaking of ur cass playlist hc...reminds of the time (yesterday) i found 2 playlists randomly on spotify from the same user. one was abt 3 hours of instrumental/classical "dark" & "nostalgic" music. the other almost 11 hours of nothing but hardcore bass/synth/electronic music. just an incredible tightrope act to put on in public. the synth one was also called like "psalms for synth sluts" which is Also incredible

tbh i LOVE synth SO MUCH like for no reason at all but then also cannot handle a poppy electronic beat lmao. but this seems like the kinda thing i’d do but just in one (1) playlist bc i just sort songs by vibe instead of genre? that’s how i end up with britney spears and billy ray cyrus in the same playlist. 

Oh, I want Kate Kane playlist next! It would be amazing if you could do one when you have time and will 🙏

how rude would it be of me to just say no? like sorry kate but idk you and also you seem way too keen on the us military for an institution that homophobically targeted you? (and also commits war crimes) but let’s unpack the fact that the institution that caused the death of your mom and sister and also got you blacklisted for being gay is still one you align with???

'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' --- when i tell you i fucking screamed LOL!!!!!!! i can imagine the cameraman not knowing if he should cut to commercial or keep it on these two weirdos fighting on stage (bruce definitely ruffled dick's hair/noogied him right?? 

about this post but yeah lmao. this cameraman just turns to like the audience to get a reaction and it’s just multiple moments of CLEAR shock.

you are the only funny person on this hellsite

how egotistical is it for me to say that i get this ask multiple times a month? bc it literally happens so often it’s hilarious to me.

Wish there was more john/Bruce content 😔😔😔 was so hungry I actually looked at canon media 😔😔😔 (Justice League Dark babeeeyyyyyy)

check out batman: damned for some mediocre content but at least it’s john/bruce (also very interesting story and stuff, just got very >:( over this weird part where harley quinn tried to r*pe bruce or something? it’s not for everyone)

dick grayson but he's nicki minaj

his anaconda don’t want none,,, unless...... 

Dick Grayson was never a cop, he played Marshall on Paw Patrol

you are SO right. also paw patrol is a fucking good show idc. that shit could’ve been the new steven universe on this hellsite.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS1lI0bLI7-/?utm_medium=copy_link

...

why do people keep reposting my CONTENT. if you are not funny yourself don’t just grab shit off of tumblr and post it on insta,,, get a life. sidenote: should i start an insta and get all these ppl to take my content down that would be funny as hell.

Might I suggest for a Gotham City Meme: something about the true crime fandom thirsting for the rogues gallery

ok can i just say something slightly controversial?? no? i don’t find true crime ppl who are into criminals funny, that shits disturbing irl im not gonna bring that into my very chill universe.

i may have never seen a 'jason cleaning guns in sink' fic but i do know he WOULD

THANK YOU

bestie im sorry to say this to you but while you can, and people do wash their guns in the sink, that is a lot of lead in a very vital part of the kitchen.

people tend to do it in the bathtub.

WHY???? like damn why do you even have guns

i dont think i read many gun sink fics exactly but i have read lots of fics where jason cleanes his guns in the living room. usualy dissembles them and cleans them with a rag i think

lmao fair enough, like i think that’s a large part of what i remember as well.

if you say you've seen/read gun sink fics I believe you. I think those of us who didn't see them are lucky or maybe didn't search for fics by tags or something idk

i mean ive never sought them out but i HAVE seen them,, like definitely i know almost for certain.

saw your tags and I'm interested in Steph/Kara now. They would be the most chaotic couple <3

literally thoooo, i have a wip where they get together in a zombie apocalypse and like UGGGHhhh i am so in love with them.

I am the Breece anon. Thanks for the recommendation; am reading now. I’ve always been a hardcore Superman fan because I love my pure himbo farm boy. My logic is, if one Bruce is a Broose, then multiple Broose are a herd of Breece. And this is a hill upon which I will perish.

fair enough,,,, like moose, meese, goose, geese, bruce, breece. i get your logic and i stand by it as well. (glad you enjoyed the comic recs!!!!)

It's a beautiful day in Gotham, and you are a group of horrible Breece

OH my god dude lmao

there only being 42 fics on ao3 for tim and bernard is honestly so sad i need more

it’s like twice that now!!! we did it lads. (tho very sad that my fic isnt number one but like number 4 :((((  )

i'm too late you already did the poll lol but may i suggest bethy (bernard + timothy)

shit dude that wouldve been so fucking funnyyyyy. think ppl have just stuck to timber tho, tim/bernard kinda died down recently and i think it’s too bad, they’re a great couple and i love them.

Wait, hear me out

Bernothy @redlightofdawn

great recommendation (lmao this ask is from like a month ago) but very sorry to announce that NARDTH is the superior shipname

Wait, we know that bernard likes milfs (Tim's step-mom) but what about dilfs? gilfs?

Wait no, I regret sending that ask

these were two seperate asks and they’re HILARIOUS. in my personal opinion tho,,, milfs, gilfs, dilfs are just about vibes and bernard is just attracted to sexy ppl who may sometimes be milfs, dilfs, or EVEN gilfs.

crime in bludhaven would drop to half if nightwing had a boob window. in this essay i will-

WHERE’S THE ESSAY ANON, WHERE’S THE FUCKING ESSAY

Wait if Barbra and Tim r at opposite ends at all times what happened to Barbra once everyone’s Tim’s ever love before started dying lol

she won a lottery ticket and spent 2 weeks on a resort in the bahamas before returning home and finding out that the joker was arrested for tax evasion and then spent a month staying at her big tiddie goth girlfriend’s house before conner came back to life and she broke her pinkie playing table hockey.

Why is the opposite end thing so funny and compelling to me. Tim comes back from his depression quest for Bruce and Babs is now a literal god

lmao when tim loses his spleen barbara reaches nirvana.

Are you still taking music recs because I have three songs that remind me of Jason that I think you'd like

send to me or lose a toe

🌸 ⭐ put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. it’s time to spread positivity! ⭐🌸😋

thanks, i wont tho on account of i wont.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMduBy3Sr/

⬆️

This is the whole of Blüdhaven and everyone anywhere.

Nightwings ass alone saves more people in a calendar year and does more for so society than most heroes do their whole career.Also u are one of the funniest tumblr pages out there. The vibes are unmatched and the memes and tags ✨send me✨.Thank u and goodnight @julia-flow 

fanksss also lmao.

That's going to be a little bit difficult to explain, but

There's some music that you listen to and you think, "oh my gosh, I can perfectly imagine Dick Grayson singing this song, with the same voice as the singer because that voice matches with Dick Grayson"?

oh yeah totally lmao. i have a lot of songs that i think are just entirely dick grayson yanno? kind of all of my playlists have that vibe, but i really find bleachers to fit with dick? idk.

"Lois lane/Superman" fics this, "Lois lane/Clark Kent" fics that, (/lh) let's get into the real good stuff. Some people ship Lois, Clark, and Superman as a throuple. Most popular fic tag for sure

yes totally, i think they’d be absolutely killer on ao3 and clark gets so fucking embarassed about it.

I miss your post, hope you’re doing okay!!

haha this was like 2 months ago, but i was doing fine then too! just didn’t have a lot of inspiration in terms of content.

Doot doot!

noot noot

I’m confused. What did DC do now? Like with nightwing? And another sibling? Please spoil everything for me

lmao they gave him a secret sister plotline where they had his dad cheat on his mom with tony zucco’s wife, bc dick’s life wasn’t traumatic enough yet.

sorry but it's so funny that batman is called "the dark knight" when the gotham city baseball team is called the gotham knights. it'd be like if a vigilante was running around new york called like "the scary yankee"

lmaooo no. but like yankee comes from dutch names or something so wouldnt it be HILARIOUS if gotham knights came from like german names and bruce would be running around called the dark KLAUS UND NIEK @graysonnightwing 

(not a batcest shipper) it’s so funny to me that the responses are “i’m a batcest shipper because i can differentiate fiction from reality and and it doesn’t bother me personally, but i understand why you oils think it’s weird” to “i wish all batcest shippers a very fucking die”

yeah lmaoo. i personally basically flipped my entire stance around to ‘i dont care please leave me and everybody else alone’ bc i think there’s really no point in starting a moral dillema over some fucking fandom bullshit. Please just,,, go home,,, log off, find a nice forest to have a little walk in and remember that somewhere in history, somebody probably died in the place you’re standing. and you will also die someday, and somebody will have to look at your internet usage and see you fighting multiple people anonymously while being named ‘nightwingsbuttchin200186′ like... calm down, we’re all gonna die this is not the thing to worry about.

so since like "wards" don't really exist in modern society almost all the batkids are foster kids, right? i used to work in the system and imagine: monthly visits from social workers and guardian ad litems, bruce having to get permission to take the boys anywhere out of state, calling their social worker at like 8 a.m. like "yeah dick broke his arm again... a gymnastics accident this time...." their poor social worker. bruce send her a huge bouquet and box of chocolates every month to stay on her good side

i imagine the social worker just getting into the case like ‘yeah let’s get this kid a good guardian’ and then ending up having to work with 22 y/o bruce wayne and his 50 y/o dad. and so this social worker is like ‘okay we can work with this, this is the best home i can find’ and then like it ends up landing on its feet and then the kid gets adopted and then they get a call a year later like ‘uhm so hi, this kid tried to steal my tyres can i adopt him?’ and like 3 years later. ‘okay so basically, my neighbours’ kid imprinted on me and now they’re dead, can i keep him?’ two years later it’s like ‘okay so this assassin child-’

ever since I saw that one post of yours, the meme that's something like "I know that abba's backup dancer got me" with a picture of discowing, I've been haunted. Every once in a while I'll be minding my own business then the image of abba's backup dancer dick grayson aka nightwing aka discowing will flash in my mind and I'll be frozen in place. Today at work I was in the middle of folding clothes and suddenly once again discowing entered my mind and I suddenly lost the ability to see anything except He. Thank you.

wow. the IMPACT.

Braver than any US marine man props to you🤝

this shit is about the time i wrote an article on batcest, like man,,, the fact that i didn’t get cancelled is MIRACULOUS. also like,,, uh if anybody on here did gossip on me,, send screenshots i’d love to see it.

Hello, just wanted to say your article was great. Thank you for taking the time to provide an unbaised answer. It should provide people with nuances they couldn't possibly conjure on their own.

May I ask where your username originates from?

yes you may (also thanks!!!) i thought it up when i was trying to find an original username bc i didnt want to be called like ‘timdrakes something something’ or ‘jason todd something smoething’ or ‘dick grayson something something’ yanno? so i thought batarangs, they sound so dumb and that’s my username story... now it’s my whole entire brand lmao.

yno that bit in kick ass where red mist asks kick ass if he wants a hit of his blunt, was that the inspo for stoner tim

no? it’s bc i think stoners are hilarious and drugs are great. (dont do drugs tho) 

How would u feel if someone actually wore one of those bruce or ollie pride shirts u edited

fenomenal next question.

Dick as lil huddy and Jason as James gave me radiation poisoning and now I’m screaming crying throwing up so thx for that

(Rico suave as Tim is perfect tho literally no changes needed)

i was so funny for that shit wasn’t i??? lmao i loved those weird ass fancasts

You're doing the Lord's work by providing us with all these Gotham/Metropolis citizens memes, thank you for being so relentlessly funny @nellethiel-aranel

you’re welcome!! i really enjoy making memes, but getting validation for my content and my memes is REALLY nice.

Bruce is such a slut in your memes and honestly i love that for him @rhodey-rhudert-rhodes-main 

he’s that much of a slut irl too dw.

Bruce and Alfred have an emergency pride flag for the batkids. Oliver Queen printed an emergency "I love my gay son" t-shirt and as soon as Roy told him he was dating Jason, Oliver started wearing that shirt everyday and Roy always cringes when he sees it. Oliver also has an emergency "I love my lesbian daughter" shirt just in case for Cissie.

lmao YES i had a post like this bc like all of their kids/family members are so gayy

stop bringing back batfam fancasts it is not real it is not real it is not- 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

oh yes it is my darling.

did discowing burn down the notredam because he hates the bees? @allulily

no he did it bc fuck the french.

im gonna beg for 1 thing and 1 thing only. please please please put physical by olivia newton john on dick's playlist

okay then beg. bc i wont. physical reminds me too much of glee and that hurts me mentally.

your playlist is sorely missing some Madonna. Specifically Into the Groove, Like a Prayer, and Vogue

i’m scared of madonna that’s why she’s not on there. she haunts me in my dreams.

suggestion: son of batman by aaron dews for dick’s playlist🤩

sorry, i listened to it and the vibe didn’t agree with me.

Hear me out, metropolis citizens sending rare pair fics of Clark Kent x Superman fics to Lois to edit

yes, absolutely hilarious. even more funny if they send like physical copies, no address attached and lois sends it back marked with red ink, SOMEHOW

Imagine all the smut Clark must of read editing the fics

clark reads smut confirmeeed

NOT LOIS READING SUPERBAT PORN AND EDITING IT A 2AM 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

hc that alfred is a meta that boosts healing factor of the people around him. if the bats are injured as much as they seem to be they would be doing bat stuff MAYBE half the year. no one including alfred knows about this. whenever the kids move out they inexplicably dont recover from injuries as fast and feel better whenever they visit the manor they just chalk it up to homesickness. bruce just thinks he heals really fast. alfred thinks everyone doesnt take care of themselves properly @finchcollector

that’s actually such a great idea, but i think that alfred would find out and learn how to concentrate it better so he can help more people, bc he’s great and i love him.

One of your dickfast posts reminded me of that tweet that goes: 'so you've had sex how many times? Yeah technically that's not a bromance' lol that's dickwally or dickroy

literally tho. like that’s all of dick’s friendships. once it gets past a certain time dick is like ‘wow i wonder what it would be like to make out with wally, wally come make out with me’ and wally’s like ‘we’ve done this like 40 times, dick, you know what it’s like’ and dick is like ‘sorry are you complaining?’ and they just make out.

superfam and batfam associations??

-batman and superman

-dick/barabara and supergirl?

-conner and tim

-jon and damian

pls enlighten me I am confused

nope,,, uhm batman and superman, but dick and superman as well, and then conner and tim, jon and damian and steph + babs with supergirl

I came across a fic in which Wonder Woman calls Batman "Stella" (like Stellaluna, the children's book) and I can imagine the batkids hop on the trend and maybe copies of the book appear at random places (aka, everywhere Bruce frequents)

sorry can’t reciprocate that was the name of my high school chemistry teacher and it gives me nightmares to think about.

good human what are your pronouns?

wouldn’t you like to know?

I need me some gothamites preferring harley over joker memes

everyone prefers harley over joker youre just very fucked up if you dont

don't understand why people try to add like veteran policy to the batfamily

dick pulling out his veteran batfam member card so he can eat first: step aside, peasants

Do you know the song Simmer by Haley Williams? It (the first verse anyways) reminds me of Jason? It's about rage.

damn yeah i LOVE HAYLEY!!!! youre right thoo

Okay so I like listen to your stoner Tim Drake playlist 24/7 but would he listen to skegss? Also I keep adding songs mentally it’s killing me 😩✋🏼 Anyways,, I literally love and worship your playlist 😃🤞🏼 And uh yeah have a good day ✨

stoner tim drake playlist is lyfeeee. also dont know who skeggs is? i’m stupid? have a good day!!

All the Robins (and Batgirl) decide to trade costumes for one night just to fuck with Batman and all the villains in Gotham. @subspacecadet 

batman knows it’s them youknow but like,,, what does he call them? he’s like ‘red hood?’ and 3 people answer and he’s not about to compromise some identities so he’s just Pissed.

I aspire to treat cops the way my dad treats them. This man is a 45 year old Asian immigrant to the US and the treats them like his pets. He talks about them like unruly children. Sometimes he pays off local cops to shut up and stop acting racist. And usually it works. I don’t know why but I can see Oliver Queen doing this

vibes... and also yes? oliver queen handing a local cop a donut to shut the fuck up lmao. but yanno i commit enough crimes to not really want to ever see a cop ever, so they kinda scare the everloving fuck out of me.

seeing as tim hasn't aged in years, that means he was 17 at peak emo tumblr era. im back on my emo tim bullshit and im not letting it go

emo tim had a wattpad account send tweet

People seem to think that batman is so dark and serious when the rainbow batsuit is right there. He wore it with no shame.

dude the 60s were a DIFFERENT TIME

dick grew up in a circus, jason grew up on the streets, and tim was probably raised by the internet

all of them cuss every other word and you cannot tell me otherwise

bitch i KNOW but dc has to change to an 18+ rating if they want to sell comix with swear words in them so we gotta deal with imagining the swear words in ourselves

thoughts on teen titans and young justice

haven’t seen teen titans on account of havent seen it and young justice was LITERALLY my favourite thing ever, tho i do gotta admit it’s not at all similar to the young justice comics unfortunately. i really wouldve liked to see timmy bart kon cassie and cissie animated on tv!!

ew ew ew how to delete batcest shippers I genuinely digust them

log off tumblr?

Okay as poc who was called racist for calling an Italian pastabrain: in the batfam are Italians bit Damian just yells various insults about the others being Italian. Just him yelling “What are you doing you moronic spaghettihead!” At steph etc

huh? i meant real italians. homeboy is telling steph he hopes she chokes on her fucking garlic.

I think it's dumb as hell to pull the batman is the best fighter in the batfam argument because like it's just irresponsible of Bruce to let his kids fight when they couldn't possibly be on his league or something

fair enough, but also like who cares they could all kill you just sit down and take a beating.

lady shiva, thalia al ghul and Selina Kyle are all milfs @notanothertimburtonenthusiastugh 

unfortunately, i have to admit,,, you’re right

why tf didn't someone give joker a death sentence already? like he's a mass murderer...give him the electric chair treatment wtf

idk i think plenty of people would have tried to murder him already (boring answer is: he is a popular character so they can’t kill him off bc he brings in lots of money)

There’s no such thing as “ copaganda”.

all american media is propaganda. happy to clear this up for you

is it bad that I find lady shiva owa owa

no. find her as owa owa as you want.

aight I'm guessing the order of your favs in batfam:

1. tim

2. Steph

3. dick

4. Duke

5. the rest

you’re wrong but it’s cute that you tried, i generally don’t have favourites, but i have a special place in my heart for steph, tim, dick and cass. bc they were like my introduction to batfam. but damian, jason, duke, bruce, babs and alfred are NOT FORGOTTEN OR UNLOVED

oh my god i was literally just readily willing to believe that italians werent white ty for clarifying it was a joke im so dumb sdkvjskdfs

i mean some italians aren’t white? italian is a nationality as well as an ethnicity, so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

since I saw so many people doing headcanons about the nationalities of batboys, I see Dick as an Italian.

dont know if youre serious or not, but sure.

super random but

jason 🤝 damian

old english

lmao fair enough.

tim absolutely has 1 gay uncle and his parents shit talk said uncle all the time so after bruce adopts him he specifically reaches out to this uncle to be like "heyyyy just so you know you majorly influenced my life yes i know i havent seen you since i was 5 and at the family reunion yes i know you dont remember my name idc thank you im gay too" and then they never talk again.

yuppp lmao that’s definitely something that could happen. i can also consider tim having no family members, like none. until he does like a dna test and he realises he has like an aunt living barely 2 miles away from him who’s like some illegitimate child of his grandpa.

I dare you one of them sends clark superman/clark fic and clark corrects the shit out of it and then goes like ps his dick is not that big, just telling as someone who has seen it. internet either explodes or goes who tf did he not fuck at this point.

i think everybody would call clark a buzzkill and try to cancel him over that.

so you're telling me Tim Drake wouldn't buy Starbucks?

no. dunkin donuts all the way

One of my favorite things is imagining people finding out jason came back from the dead and being like "oh no does he have magic powers now?!?!?" and he just pulls out a gun and tries to shoot joker

now he doesn’t even have the gun :) lmao

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

bruce gets codename ‘ugh’ everytime. he hates it.

crazy that tim being a 17 y/o ceo and a stoner who does brand deals are all actual canon things written in detective comics comics and not made up for shits and giggles by you, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb @rowdeyclown

SO CRAZY HUH?

batman au where everything is the same but his utility belt is bright pink

absolutely, but i raise you, his boots light up like sketchers when he kicks people.

unbeknownst to the superhero fandom writers in the dcuniverse, clark and BRUCE are one of the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag on ao3. clark writes the best lois x superman angst, full of unhappy endings and scenes that are a so detailed you'd think you were in the middle of a superhero beatdown. bruce made an ao3 account to fuel "the do the butts match" thing, and makes batman/bruce fics from time to time. he wrote a superbat fic as a joke but ended up making it REAL porny. @concrastinator

dude they’re WAY too busy for that. Oliver Queen and Hal Jordan on the other hand are the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag writing what is Mostly porn.

When the dining table topic gets to politics, Steph says "eat the rich" as the solution

bruce just silently takes away her fork and knife while she’s talking.

[momowoah]

Rewatching GG 2.0!

Finally, the best episode so far. EP 6 <3

Also, new GG tomorrow, I hope you're even better

This is basically a throuple episode and I love it

The Obie scene is so funny lol

Obie's Instagram is so bad

JC being a bad student? Former Queen Blair would be disappointed

"Is their name also Kate Keller?"

Nick reading GG and calling Obie "Noble O" lol

Zoya's hair looks cute

AkiMax taking care of Audrey <3

Kate replanning the entirety of Gossip Girl

I miss Spotted

Wendy's face

"it helps to take a deep breath and imagine you're-" "watching your supposed boyfriend have better chemistry with your sister?" But he really does

Obie stop going from a sister to the other challenge

Rafa stop

The fact Zobie has stan accounts lmao (and Zoya chose one of them to show they were dating like what?)

"Why don't I ever get a pep talk?" "She doesn't have your Grammys"

Love when they mention a brand or magazine the actors actually did an ad for

I love the way Nick Lott talks sometimes, don't know if it's his accent (where is it from? Idk American accents) or his voice but it sounds kinda old-fashioned

Another throuple scene I memorized

Audrey and Zoya × Mr. Menzies, love to see it

"So none of us have got any secrets here" this just makes it obvious you have many secret and I wanna hear them all

Also phonecall

"Plus all the wiretapping?" *Nervous laughter*

The subtle interrupting during the brand meeting... Wow

So you betray the only one of our children that cares about you? That's why the rest only want your money <3

I know I said time and place last time but this is hilarious

Audrey enjoying it is the best part

Ahhhh fck Rafa, making himself the victim

Somehow I thought Julien was Kate's Meryl but now I'm curious as to who actually is

It's funny to hear her talking about Sephora like that when I know it as the mega store in the rich mall

I still love Audrey holding Aki's hand and hate what's about to happen

Audrey's "oh I shouldn't have said that" face 1 millisecond after she said it...

Denial

Audrey and Zoya should be besties idc

What will they do when Zoya is the only one still in school in S5 (if there's one)? I mean, Jenny at least had Eric, his boyfriend and minions around. In new GG we don't know any kids beside the protags

Obie, really?

Lmao Jordan

He's right tho

This Obie JC scene has a bit of OG vibes, I like it

Okay I like them together for now

I love the Lotts

Just realized Audrey's call was a voice recording

He has homework? This is new for gg

Audrey Kiki scene <3

And now Max Roy scene, wanna strangle Roy

YOU STAYED FOR A DRINK? REALLY? WITH HIM?

TAKE CARE OF YOUR KID OMG

Roger Roger Roger please drown

Outing your son in national TV? All the gg guys seem to have at least one shitty parent

This scene between Aki and Obie breaks my heart

Why is he walking like that lmao

"My politics are who I am" girlie you went to the protest to see your ex

"It is a thank you to my two men" aaaaaaa I still love this scene

Throuple time

Her cute little run

I hate that video but I want Rafa to be exposed so bad (and arrested <3)

Throuple time!!!!

Waited six eps for this

"Hey"

PHONECALL PHONECALL PHONECALL AAAAA

Obie and Julien have chemistry but like... You really think this is the best place to make out with your ex? Really?

Best ep, but Thanksgiving has to be even better

Also no Lunet :(

[phoebehalliwell]

what are your thoughts on thruples? cause I keep thinking about Paige/Henry/Coop, especially with Henry and Coop's epic bromance in the comics

ooh that could be very interesting. personally, i'm game for throuples (tho i will say i Hate the word throuple i think it sounds gross just like you know moist or something so i usually just say "poly relationship") but i do kind have beef when it's like. like you know the meme "it doesn't have to be like this [blank] has two hands"? funny meme i do like it but i hate when a poly relationship is just kinda an excuse to merge two couples rather than something that like emerges as distinct relationships between all three parties. like bella edward and jacob as a couple like. shure because bella loves edward and bella loves jacob but jacob and edward really don't like have anything there it's more like roommates who share a girlfriend rather than a poly relationship. one piece of media that i think really did it well was siren on freeform which i highly recommend the first two seasons it kinda goes off the rails s3 and then was cancelled but the first two season it really spends time fleshing out all aspects of the relationships between ben, ryn, & maddie and it also actually goes canon which is lit 🤙🤙

but basically. if i were to do a paige/henry/coop, i think i would start with specifically a paige/coop bromance introduce henry into the mix & let it blossom from there so like. as previously stated. i think each leg of the triangle here needs to be strong n steady on its own so um underneath the cut is i believe a record breaking 6.6k

rip richard but we'll say richard also died in this au rip. and then, of course, kyle also died. idk if he's a whitelighter or not but the point is paige has this weight on her chest like god i can't save these people i can't save the people i love ouch everything hurts

& that's when coop shows up!

and we'll have his introduction plot be a fusion of heartbreak city and the magic hour where coop's got this relationship and it's perfect they're so in love but there's this demonic interference and it's gonna kill one or both of them so he busts down the charmed ones' door like hi you guys are protectors of the innocent right well i have some innocents in dire need of protection

to which this duty gets turfed to paige because piper idk has work and phoebe has a date and phoebe's like i can cancel it to help! and coop's like what no the whole reason i'm here is love go go find love paige can totally handle this

and paige is like :| because she really doesn't want this gig and coop's explaining it all to her how this love is going to be broken up by a magical death unless they stop it and paige is like okay look here coop let's not get our expectations up to high because in my experience almost all relationships end in a magical death and coop’s like !!!

and immediately does like a cupid reading on her and paige is trying to bat him away like ew no i do not need any love guru-ing right now okay let’s just fix your thing and then you can leave okay

and coop’s like no don’t you see? this is fate, the fact that it’s you and me on this, it means i’m meant to be here, i’m meant to help you find love

and paige is like uh no it means piper’s a mother of two and phoebe’s on a date while i am the tragic spinstress of magic school (which is still under her charge just bc it is we didn’t abandon it)

and coop’s like nope. it’s fate. and paige rolls her eyes and coop’s like come on, like you don’t believe in fate and paige is like actually i don’t! and coop just smiles at her bc he knows she’s lying and paige knows she knows he’s lying and she tries to sneer at him but it’s just insanely half hearted bc to be honest her heart kinda skipped a beat with that smile but no

absolutely not

dude, all she gets is cursed love, and now a cupid?

she can’t go through all that she can’t fight for love only to watch him die no she’s gonna ignore it he’s not that cute anyways oh fuck he totally is but whatever!!! doesn’t matter

so blah blah blah paige and coop save the day including one moment where idk there’s an explosion or something they have to dodge something hide for attackers something where they get thrown up against a wall faces inches apart from each other breathing heavy undeniably a moment which they both Immediately break because wooooah that is a little too much chemistry!! better act like that never happened

and you know next episode or whatever coop’s like okay let’s find you love!! and paige is like not now i’m at work and coop’s like in an alleyway and paige is like i need to look after my charge and then after that i need to grade papers and after that i need to order cauldrons and after that-

and coop’s like find love?

and paige is like no. i need to.... but um she forgot the rest of her list

and coop’s like find love excellent sounds great!

and paige is like anyone ever tell you you’re really annoying and coop’s like nope i’m a cupid :0)

and blah blah blah they’re arguing and something something w paige’s charge and paige is like i gotta go talk to him but coop holds her back because wait who’s that approaching him and paige is like fuck that must be his parole officer bc idk he’s doing something that is obviously breaking parole and paige is like aaaaaaa what do we do and then it’s a henry face reveal and both paige and coop are like woah.

but then paige is storming off trying to like try to fight henry and henry’s like what the fuck is this?? and coop’s running up like hi i’m also here and speed’s like i-cannot stress this enough-do not know any of these people and coop’s like you don’t know us yet and paige is like you can’t do this speed’s a good kid and speed’s like yeah!!

and henry’s like he was so very obviously breaking parole and paige is like he’s a kid and henry’s like a kid who’s been to juvie!! twice!!! and who should know the damn rules by now

and paige is like look something something clever talk bargaining whatever puts something of her own at stake and henry’s like you’re really gonna risk it all on this kid and paige is like yes. he’s destined for greatness. and speed is like yeah!! and henry’s like fine. whatever. but when the other shoe drops, you know like i’m gonna cash in whatever wager paige made here

& he leaves

and speed’s like thanks also who are you and idk we get a paige monologue something full of love and spirit and coop’s also there still and speed’s listening to this monologue kinda like um okay bc honestly? just met her five minutes ago this is kind of a lot but coop’s listening to this monologue like wow😍

so idk speed leaves and coop’s like hey so do you pick a fight with all the guy’s you find attractive and paige is like what

and coop’s like well i’m just saying you know with richard with kyle with me and now with henry i’m kinda sensing a pattern there

and paige is like did you just include yourself on that list and coop’s like i mean yeah duh

and paige kinda wants to argue back but her blush is giving her away so it’s best just to change the subject so what you think i should be going for the parole officer?

and coop’s like yes! didn’t you feel it there was a spark there passion energy something that with the help of yours truly can easily turn into love and paige is like yeah no. absolutely not.

and coop’s like come on why not he was hot and paige is like yeah well if he’s so hot why don’t you date him and coop pauses like hmm like genuinely consider and paige is like don’t do that

and coop’s like why not and paige is torn between don’t date him because i actually did feel that spark and i do kinda like him and also don’t date him because if you’re gonna date anyone it should be me but both those are too embarrassing to say out loud to her cupid so instead she just says conflict of interest

and we flash forward to later idk when the point is speed is doing graffiti on public property but not just like stupid pointing a spray can at something la la la like proper graffiti like an artform but as it is unfortunately public property that is Illegal so it breaks parole

so idk henry’s there and busts him and paige senses speed’s in trouble so she shows up and henry’s like good you’re here. i’m not actually gonna cash in the thing that you wagered because that’d be unfair, because i know the kid, i know that he always let’s you down and speed’s like hey man

but paige is looking up at the wall and she’s like don’t you get it and henry’s like ...no and paige is like it’s art. it’s a release, it’s a coping mechanism and speed’s like idk that’s all sounding a little bit pretentious for a bit of graffiti and paige is like you can’t arrest him for this and henry’s like it’s literally illegal. & i already let him walk once what part of this aren’t you getting

and then there’s like a. idk cop radio thing i don’t know how police work that’s talking about how whatever gang speed used to run with just robbed some place but they’re hot on their tail bc their getaway driver sucks and henry’s looking at speed bc speed Is the getaway driver hence the name and henry’s like how come you aren’t driving that car huh

and speed just shrugs and henry’s like no how come you’re not driving that car what you swap out one crime for another you’re getting busted either way and speed like shrugs 

and paige is like he’s creating art instead and henry’s like did they approach you to drive the getaway car and speed shrugs and henry’s did they approach you to drive the getaway car and speeds like yes man they did i said no and henry looks up at the art

and it’s some super nail on the head craving freedom thing a bird breaking free from a cage type shit and it’s gorgeous

and henry looks at paige like what are you, huh

and paige is like freelance guardian angel

and henry just uncuffs speed and speed’s like what are you doing and henry’s like go. next time you do this find a wall that isn’t public property

and speed can’t help it he kinda smiles n runs off and henry just looks at paige bc what the hell has this girl gotten into him bc normally he’s just got such a concrete shell but she’s smiling at him like he just made the right choice and he’s really gotta fight the urge to smile back. what the fuck

so he says something stupid and leaves

and later paige is doing something when boom coop is here invading her personal bubble bc that’s become their new mode of communication is there are one thousand empty chairs and coop is seated in one paige will walk over and sit on that same chair that’s how they operate bc again there’s this sense of longing for one another and they both know they can’t go for it so instead they just opt for this intense intimacy passed off as friendship

and paige is like met the parole officer again and coop’s like oh henry mitchell? and paige is like how do u know his full name and coop’s like did my research<3 and they’re talking blah blah blah idk and it’s both how to land a date with this guy and also heavy flirting at the same time. and then like phoebe walks into the room and they snap apart like magnets with the same polarity i think?? been a while since the fifth grade and their language just becomes so much more stifled

to which phoebe is vaguely aware and this is a change but we as the audience are super aware it’s a change meaning that their constant flirty banter is a choice on both parts they are both very consciously doing this

and then i don’t know there’s something bigger going on in the main plot which has been building and the main villain needs something magical from each type of being so a cupid’s next on the grocery list so idk coop is either out minding his own business getting coffee or he’s out on reconnaissance on henry when all of a sudden he’s attacked!! by idk an arrow seems convenient honestly we should do a bow and arrow an homage to in original cupid iconography

and henry’s in proximity and sees this and idk maybe they’re somewhere where there aren’t that many people just so you know u can be attacked by a bow and arrow and henry’s like what the fuck!??!?! running over to help him and he vague recognizes him as the angel’s friend but is mainly like holy shit did you just get shot with a bow and arrow and henry’s like i’ll call an ambulance i’ll drive u to the hospital

and coop’s like no no uhh can’t go with the whole i am actually a magical being i exist in no databases and also have no money so instead goes with the i have no health insurance and henry’s like hmm. fuck.

so the next thing you know coop’s on henry’s couch and henry’s doing rudimentary first aid and coop’s really trying to hobble away because if he can just get to paige she can heal this because she unlocked that power in like s5 or s6 in a more natural progression but henry’s not letting him leave because dude you have an arrow in your chest

and now we’re doing the hurt comfort schtick with the meaningful glances and also coop is shirtless bc well you know Arrow In Chest and he’s also in henry’s apartment which is offering a very weird sense of intimacy

and there’s also this kind of banter going because coop’s like no i’m fine i can leave this is fine and henry’s like dude. please let me at least try to help you and after that you can walk right out of here and go repuncture your lung. but just. while you’re. let me do what i can

and coop’s like okay because like. well i mean a) gotta keep up appearances like he’s mortal and b) henry’s kinda fine so sure he can play doctor what’s the worse that can happen

and henry’s like okay we gotta get this arrow out of you so um. any ideas on how to do that? and coops like yeah break off the feathered part and then pull the rest through

and henry’s just like yeah? you have experience with this? and coop’s like once or twice and henry’s like what do you do?

and coop’s like ... relationship therapist

and henry’s like are relationship therapists frequently attacked by archers and coop’s like yeah more often than you’d think 

and henry removed the arrow and the actual point stabby bit of the arrow is shaped like a heart just for funsies bc it’s for cupids but henry’s looking at this like relationship therapist hunting arrow??

anyways. henry is pressing some bandages against coop’s chest to staunch the bleeding and there’s a Moment there to which henry kinda falters because woah gay thoughts?? and the pressure lightens but then o shit i’m lightening the pressure don’t do that!! so he pushes hard and coop’s like aa!! and henry’s like fuck jesus and coop just kinda laughs like i guess you don’t patch up arrow wounds that frequently and henry’s like yeah actually you’re my first!!

something something something coop’s patched up and henry gives him once of his shirts because coop’s shirt had to be cut off him bc of the arrow and we get one of the classic how to i look / starstruck moments because hell yeah we do

and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah coop makes it home and paige is like where in god’s name did u get that shirt bc it looks nothing like what coop would wear in fact in kinda reminds her of

believe it or not, henry

hot parole officer henry?

the one and only

and paige is like you slept with him??? and coop’s like close. i was shot with an arrow and he patched me up

and paige is like !!! because you know main plot evil all this that coop takes off henry’s shirt so paige can see the wound and heal it and she’s looking at henry’s handiwork and it really is the old college try but that man is not a medic so now paige is laying her hand on coop’s bare chest and phoebe walks in and immediately turns on a heel like i’ll give you guys some space!!

and paige is like no it’s fine i’m healing him he was shot main plot and phoebe’s like oh

and then later phoebe’s talking with paige like okay you and coop tho. bc like. ik ik healing or whatever. but like. 👀👀.

and tbh paige has been waiting for this because she really needs to unpack bc like i know!! because coop and i have this thing and it’s a great thing but it like can’t be a thing it’s a forbidden thing but i want it to be a thing but at the same time there’s this other guy and i can’t get him off my mind and i’m worried i’m just viewing him as a safer alternative instead of coop but like. idk he was just my backup i feel like i would be more lukewarm about it. but i’m not. like. i’m really not i kind wish i was because i don’t know if i can do a relationship again especially because he’s mortal like i can’t have someone i care for die again so maybe it’s safer just to keep what i have with coop or maybe even to explore that further? and keep henry safe? but like this and that and this and that

and phoebe’s like buzzing because it’s been a while since she’s had such an interesting love mess to tinker with so the first thing she does is go to coop just to see what she can sus out there Meanwhile paige is with speed where you ask? p3. well, outside of it

speed is painting the side of the club with this amazing artwork and clearly there’s this vein of magic running through it with certain symbols all that and he’s using paintcans and paige has her paintbrush and is adding smaller pieces as well

and she’s like hey where’d you get like that idea or thing idea because they’re all like. runes or magical somethings or others and speeds like idk. saw it in a dream maybe.

and henry rolls up because he stopped at the manor looking for paige and piper directed him here and he’s just like. like he sees this amazing work and it’s a big heart full moment and paige and speed finish up and speed adds his little signature at the bottom and leaves and henry says he’s proud of him and speed acts like he doesn’t care but he does

so henry’s like hey how’s your friend and paige is like coop? yeah, no he’s totally fine and henry’s like really???

and paige is like yeah no um. my brother in law! is an army medic. so um. he was able to. yeah : ) which isn’t technically a lie because leo was he’s just also kinda frozen in a block of ice now so whoops

and henry’s like that’s good but the real reason he’s her it to like thank paige for you know like. seeing the light like maybe henry has become too bitter and jaded so it’s good to know that there are freelance guardian angels out there keeping the balance and you know watching out for these kids so thank you for just like. being a good person.

and he also looks at her art and he’s like this your coping mechanism and paige is like yeah [tragic backstory swap time!!] and both paige and henry kinda realize how they’re like almost mirrors to each other and henry kisses her and paige kisses him back but then stops because she likes him too much which means he’s gonna die

so she’s like sry i gotta go and henry’s like oh :\ because um. well. whoops. because like. god he so rarely goes out on a limb like that and for one moment there it felt like it was all gonna align like he wasn’t gonna get ditched but paige’s green punchbuggy is already peeling out of the lot so guess not

so phoebe’s determined that coop is indeed in love with paige so all that needs is a little nudging okay she’s on mission time to go

and then next thing you know paige is storming in all in a tizzy because she kissed henry and coop’s like this is great news and paige is like no this is bad news! and coop’s like ???

and paige is like no you don’t understand it’s like i’m cursed because whenever i love someone whenever i truly love someone they die and that kiss....... it was..... i can’t have henry die

and coop is like on full cupid mode idk a cupid monologue blah blah blah love <3 and it kind of heals paige both in a sense that it quells her worries but also in a sense that being around coop always seems to make her feel better like she just feels warmer feels safer when he’s around so um. she should probably. figure something out about that. esp in regards to henry. right?

anyways. coop for some reason or another runs into henry again (call it fate) and henry’s like hey r u okay? and coop’s like yeah : ) ! and thank you, by the way, for um patching me up and stuff and henry’s like yeah no problem but um look can i ask you a favor and coop’s like sure

and henry’s like you’re a relationship therapist right and coop’s like yeah 99% sure he knows where this is going and henry’s like like family and relationship counselling and coop’s now only like 40% sure he knows where this is going and he’s like sure and henry’s like great okay so um i’ve got this parolee who [plot background story idk there needs to be some familial healing something or other] is there like. anyway you can help out with that

and coop’s like totally!! and henry’s like oh thank god because like. therapy expensive.

and now we get another one of those moments like seeing someone in their element henry sees coop as he goes basically full cupid but rather than romantic love it’s familial and henry’s like in awe and he’s also kind like wow okay i’d totally make out with that guy like right now but like. like he just kissed paige. and he knows coop and paige are friends. so like. like he can’t do that right? is that too weird?

so family therapy a success and like as established forging bonds of love strengthens cupids so coop’s like word you know if you ever need this on a more regular basis and henry’s like i promise you’re gonna regret offering that and coop’s like not a chance and henry’s like i really have like nothing to pay you with and coop’s like you make these kids lives better. i don’t need payment and henry looks over and gets is Own aha moment of oh i do have a purpose and also i love my job type thing

but. there is another task at hand. because like. are you and paige?? like??

and coop’s like me and paige??? and he’s about to say no because no they’re not but now he’s thinking about it and they are kinda more than they are not but henry’s not asking about the minutiae of it so now henry’s just watching him go on this face journey before going why do you ask : ) and henry’s like no nothing i just thought like well i don’t know what i thought

and coop’s like haha yeah well you know it’s um. haha yeah! you know how it is. i mean. paige is amazing and henry’s like yeah she really is and coop’s like yeah and like she’s just got all this love in her heart and henry’s like i know!! and she’s so smart like you should see what she’s done with speed she got him this place where he can put up his own art and like blah blah blah and at this point it is just coop and henry praising paige to each other for about five minutes before they kinda realize what’s going on and they’re like hmm. well this is kinda weird. cuz now we both kinda sound in love with her.

and coop’s like listen. i know paige really likes you. like a lot

and henry’s like woah i’m gonna stop you there because um. like. i mean i don’t wanna sound weird but like. like we did kiss and then she kinda just ran off and i mean literally ran hopped into her car drove away type thing so. i don’t really think so. so :\

and coop’s like no i mean like okay yeah that did happen but dude you’ve gotta understand she’s had so much loss and henry’s like no i know she told be about her parents and coop’s voice gets real low leans in because this is Top Secret information and he’s like it goes beyond that and henry’s like what and coop’s like her past two boyfriends both died. one from a heart attack, the other was hit by a car (well, no richard was not hit by a car but when all the magic inside you fucks you up that bad evidently the wreck that’s left kinda looks like you were hit by a semi. ouch) and coop’s like so paige kinda just. thinks she’s cursed.

and henry’s like oh. because my god. that’s a lot to process. and that like. like makes so much sense because like if that happened to him he really wouldn’t be able to date again hell that did not happen to him and he’s already barely able to date bc of how afraid he is of getting hurt

but coop’s out here like henry it’s not you like i promise she really likes you i mean you’re a good man and you’re brave and you’re passionate and like you’re hot, obviously and coop theoretically starts complimenting henry from paige’s point of view but then it very clearly starts to dissolve into coop’s pov and we’re still riding that chemical high of the In Your Element passion henry has for coop added onto the good person bonus of yes i’ll continue to help you with this endeavor for literally no benefit and now he’s just rattling off compliments to henry and henry’s just like oh jeez 😳😳🥰

and there’s just like. the briefest moment of henry’s eyes darting down to coop’s lips and coop’s daze is kinda broken and he realizes that he’s just been telling henry how foioine he is to his face and there’s a moment spellbound lookin into each others eyes like damn this is kinda gay & then they’re making out

and then henry’s like ohhh my god what am i doing what have i done oh know because you’re paige’s friend you like paige and i kissed her earlier today and now i’m oh my god this is a bad idea right? this is a bad idea?

and coop’s thinking on it because like okay he has been trying to pair paige and henry together a) because they’d be cute together and she clearly likes him but also b) because he really likes her and he can’t be with her bc he’s a cupid so at least if she’s with someone else who she loves he can be happy knowing she’s happy. but now he’s here with henry and he shouldn’t be because Again he’s trying to pair paige with henry and he can’t be with henry bc as previously stated cupids can’t actually have relationships but he shouldn’t even be thinking that because henry isn’t for him but even if he was which he isn’t it wouldn’t work because he’s a cupid so um. yeah. this is a bad idea

yeah

yeah

no they’re makin out again.

anyways. l8r at p3 someone else who owns a local business sees the art on the wall outside and is like yo who did that because i would totally pay them to do idk my food truck or something and piper’s like i’ll tell u exactly who did that

so idk i think legally since speed’s a minor and a parolee henry has to be involved in the job getting process actually wait speed just turned 18. idk what any of this means but we’ll say henry needs to be there so piper gave paige the food truck guys digits and paige passes on the news to speed and henry and like. paige shows up at henry’s office to be like good news!!

and to level with you henry thought that like. after making out with coop maybe his feeling for paige would dissipate like maybe he was secretly gay this whole time and paige was just a safe route to project those feeling but paige comes in with this smile that puts the goddamn stars to shame and henry’s like nope!! still in love with her!!

and paige is like okay because like this is all set you know like this could even lead to a career in art for speed like and henry’s like yes absolutely but now that the initial glow of that has worn off they’re both kinda remembering that the last time they saw each other they kissed and then paige bolted so yeah they should probably address that

and paige is like look i want to apologize for just kind of. running out the other day. that really wasn’t. it wasn’t right and i know this sounds dumb but it really wasn’t about you i’m just i’ve been in this weird place and i do like you henry like i really do so i don’t want you to think 

and henry’s like i feel like i kind of apologize too because i kinda made out with your friend and paige pauses because like she really has no friends well i guess besides coop but like there’s and henry tacks on coop to clarify and paige just snorts laughing

like she has no idea why that’s so funny but it just kinda is like. what!!

and henry’s like yeah but it was like. it’s. he really likes you paige he really does care for you i mean i really care for you too and henry’s kind of playing both sides here because he does like. really like paige. and that’s why he wants her to be happy and it’s her choice who she feels who she’d be most happy with whether that’s hm or coop because honestly coop is p amazing henry wouldn’t be burnt losing to him because coop is a great guy and paige is just watching him ramble smiling and henry realizes he doesn’t know what he’s saying anymore so he just kind of trails off and gets kind of lost in paige’s smile because like. wow : )

and paige is just kind of there processing that information because um wow who could have seen this coming and honestly she’s still not over coop kissing henry that’s just so unbelievable entertaining to her she’s so gonna hafta prod coop about it later because dude what?? what? bro. bro. bro. like. like the two guys she’s in love with kissed like bro what!!!! lmao she would pay money to see that how tf did that happen. she would have loved to have been there. that’s insane. she really wished she was there. like. really wished she was there. hmm. should she stew on that a little more?

and henry’s like. this is awkward. i’m sorry. i don’t want things to be weird between us. and paige is like henry i think things have been weird between us since i first picked an argument with you in an alleyway. and henry’s like true!! and they’re laughing and there’s a beat and henry’s like i think i fell in love with you in that moment. and paige is like yeah?

and henry’s just. i mean like. look at her <3 but like. she deserves. like she deserves the best there is and he’s just some guy like some jaded hardass who lives in a crappy apartment and who always forgets how to do the right thing it seems not to mention all his fucking baggage like. she deserves better. 

and paige sees him kinda retreat and like she kind of pulls out of the moment too because she loves henry she does but like that fear that he’s gonna die is still there and she wants to fight it she just doesn’t know if she can but like. she really really does like him.

and now they’re both standing there again another moment turned to dust in the wind now they’re just two people standing there incredibly normal about it yep just two people nope paige is kissing henry ope okay yep they’re making out and boom someone’s knocking on henry’s office door o quick act natural because hi henry heard you needed like the legal paperwork because speed’s getting a job here you go and henry’s like 👍 thank you very obviously flushed and his coworker is like. what the fuck is going on in that office. but like. doesn’t really care enough to find the answer to that question.

so paige is like you should come to p3 l8r tonight to like celebrate speed getting a job blah blah blah blah and henry’s like i will be there

so later paige is getting dolled up in a fire outfit just adding the final touches when coop shows up bc phoebe said you needed to see me? (with phoebe’s strategy fully being in mind that paige looks hella fly right now but also is still in the manor an area paige and coop have kind of curated as their space also like once she goes to p3 it’s simply too loud too crowded to have a heart to heart like what is about to happen here which she would listen all unfold but piper unfortunately dragged her away to help with the boys but i’m sure it’s all going well)

and paige is like ....nope. and coop’s like ah. well. you look great. going to see henry? which he asks that question like he’s walking on very thin ice and paige is like yeah and i gotta say i can’t believe you kissed henry before you ever kissed me and coop just laughs like well!!

and paige is laughing too but there’s this undercurrent of you still haven’t kissed me :/ and coop’s like i take it henry told you and paige is like yep. and then made a very convincing campaign in your favor on how you’re evidently in love with me and you’re probably my better option, he loves me, too, but just can’t seem to hold a candle to you

and coop’s laughing and he’s like that sounds like something henry’d say, he’s really. he’s got a lot of love he just doesn’t seem to think he’s worth it.

and paige is like you think he’s worth it though

and coop’s like i do. you think he’s worth it too. and paige is like i do.

and there’s a moment of stillness because what the fuck are any of them doing and paige is like we can’t keep doing this. and coop’s like gonna hafta be a bit more specific there because i think i’ve broken more rules than i can count in the past 24 hours. and paige is wanna make that one more and coop’s like !? and then paige kisses him and coop’s like okay now’s the time where i would really love some clarification

and paige is like. well. i had to kiss you, right? and coop’s like sure? and paige is like because i’ve wanted to for the longest time because i keep pretending like i’m not in love with you because well you know you know me better than almost anyone else but like. i also love henry. and so i had to kiss you. as a test.

and coop’s like ...did i pass?

and paige is like that wasn’t the test and coop’s like what was and paige is like i don’t know. to see where my love is. to see if i love you or if i love henry or if it’s all just infatuation and relfections distorting how i feel and coop’s like okay. so... what’s the answer?

and paige is like i love henry. but then she kisses coop again and is like but i think i love you, too. and they’re doing that thing where they lack bubble space when they talk i mean paige’s head is basically on his chest and coop’s hands are on her waist and coop’s like okay. so where do you want to go from here.

because he’s a cupid you know his top priority is love in its purest form so if like paige’s love for henry like outweighs her love for him he will pretend not to be crushed and move on like he will. he’s saying he’ll do anything in the name of love but really he’ll just do anything for paige.

and paige is like i think you should kiss henry again and coop laughs and he’s like don’t joke about that because complete candor i totally would he is... amazing

and paige is like yeah, i know, and i’m not joking and it kind of clicks for coop like !! polyromanticism!!

anyways. paige And coop go to p3 and henry’s there and sees paige And coop and he’s like uh oh oh no because if paige chose coop like he’s happy for them he really is except he’s also kind of not because then he kind of loses paige And coop and um. that’s kind of a two hit KO. but wait!! that is not the case! what’s this??

anyways. quirky hijinks of sorts when phoebe sees that paige came home with henry and she’s like damn. my plan failed. and the next morning piper’s like i see ur plan worked and phoebe’s like yeah no need to rub it in and piper’s like ??? dude paige totally hooked up with coop last night and phoebe’s like no?? that was the other guy that was henry

and piper’s like that was definitely coop?? and phoebe’s like piper not every tall man with dark hair looks the same and piper’s like no shit do you think i don’t know what coop looks like he practically lives here and phoebe’s like yeah that’s how i know the guy paige brought home w her was Not Coop and piper’s like do you need new glasses and phoebe’s like shut up i’m right and piper’s like no ur not!!

and later that day they’re like. all brewing a potion in the attic and like while we have you here...... did you hook up with henry or coop last night and phoebe’s like because piper thought it was coop when i very clearly saw henry and piper’s like yeah phoebe hasn’t been sleeping well lately i think she’s started seeing things so go ahead prove me right and paige is just laughing like okay so i guess i gotta introduce u guys to my 2 boyfriends

[eponinemylove]

aftg tattoo/flower shop au

@essence-29

so it’s wymack’s parlor and he still technically runs it and everything but he’s tired most of the time and he lets kevin pretty much take over

kevin has almost no tattoos himself except one he got that he deeply regrets (in my mind it’s bc riko was his piece of shit ex boyf and pretty much made him get it, but however u want to imagine the backstory of this tattoo is up to you)

anyway he runs the shop with his dad. matt, renee, and seth all work there

andrew runs the flower shop around the corner (managed by betsy). he could not give less of a damn about the parlor tbh. he barely noticed it existed

he’s more of a piercings guy anyway but it’s not like he’s against tattoos

at least, he didn’t care about the parlor until him and renee became friends

i imagine they met at the flower shop when she came in and ordered some for allison. maybe they started seeing each other around more and more, and you know how andrew makes friends. he probably followed her to work one day and they went from there.

either way they’re besties and they work on the same block. so andrew goes in and out of the tattoo parlor fairly often to pick up renee or have lunch.

him and kevin obviously run into each other at some point, probably more often than not

at first they ignored each other’s presence but then andrew started to notice kevin

tattoo artist without (many) tattoos? interesting. he won’t talk about the tattoo he does have? very interesting. he flinched when someone dropped a glass of something and it shattered? now you have his attention

and of course kevin can’t help but notice the hot, 5-foot-nothing guy who comes in at least once a week to harass his patrons and distract his employees

both of which are definitely crimes andrew commits regularly around the parlor

andrew invites kevin out for drinks one night after they’ve been noticing each other for a while. it’s not flirtatious or romantic, but it does feel... weighted. kevin goes. renee and the others are there too, vaguely, but he still manages to end up spending most of the night alone with andrew

they talk. a lot. it’s really slow going because neither one of them particularly feels like talking, but they do. or they come to a mutual understanding at least

they have a weird relationship after that that none of kevin’s friends or andrews relatives can even pretend to understand, but you know what? whatever. they’re KevinAndAndrew

i don’t want to say they’re attached at the hip, but they totally are. anywhere kevin is, andrew follows, especially if kevin is drinking. and they’re not even nice to each other. that’s the confusing part for the others. just looking at them, you wouldn’t even think they were friends, much less maybe-kind of-dating?

so this goes on for a couple of months, and just when everyone thinks they’re getting used to it, neil comes in

literally no one was ready for him. he shows up at the tattoo parlor one day and just applies for a job. no resume, no interview. straight up walks up to the front desk and asks for a job

kevin wants to throw him on his ass but matt says the least they could do was interview the guy

(neil probably looks all kinds of a mess. not like insane or dirty, but just generally disheveled and exhausted and... neil. he looks like neil)

kevin still thinks this is a waste of time, but he lets neil show him what he’s got

no one was expecting neil, but they definitely weren’t expecting him to be so goddamn good

it’s hard to tell if he’s a natural or has actually had years of hardwork and practice, but he’s an amazing artist and he knows his way around a needle

so they hire him.

matt becomes quick friends with neil. seth and neil don’t get along, per se, but they’re almost the exact same brand of asshole so there is a sort of solidarity between them

renee obviously is nothing if not entirely pleasant to neil, but he still has issues trusting her

and kevin? well kevin kind of hates his newest hire

he complains to andrew about him nonstop. about how he’s stupidly talented and a complete bastard and gets along with people but in a chaotic sort of way that makes kevin anxious and annoyed and

kevin has a lot to say and andrew is more than inclined to listen

it’s a surprise to no one when andrew is in the parlor the next day, scoping out neil for himself

oh, and i should mention that neil has literally NO tattoos. not even one. (his mother would never allow something so easily recognizable)

neil barely notices andrew until he confronts him after his shift. i don’t know what he would say, but it would go pretty much like how their meeting went in the books, just probably without the racquet

a fight immediately breaks out that matt and kevin have to break up. renee knows better

yeah neil and andrew don’t get along

andrew is very interested though. so he does what andrew always does. he gets nosy. and personal. and mean

it takes him a surprisingly long time to find any information on neil. he thinks it might be a fake name and kevin assures him that it’s definitely likely, which helps exactly none.

eventually the only thing he manages to gather is that neil has one hell of a temper and could start a fight in an empty room. he also won’t take any shit from anyone, whether it’s from andrew or some random Karen screaming at one of his coworkers for giving her daughter a tattoo she didn’t approve of. he can and will tear someone to shreds, and as much as kevin hates it (“Neil that’s bad for business, you can’t verbally abuse the clients”), andrew is very amused

kevin secretly also really likes neil. it’s hard not to—he says everything kevin wouldn’t dream of and sees through all of kevin’s bullshit. also he’s ridiculously hot and incredibly good at his job, and there’s nothing kevin appreciates more than talent and competence

after, idk, a month? of getting nowhere to unraveling neil’s past, andrew invites him for drinks.

kevin is there of course and pre-approved the decision. matt comes along bc he doesn’t trust andrew in the slightest and he loves neil. renee is there to make sure no one actually gets murdered. seth just shows up bc he thinks something funny might happen, like another fight

not strictly relevant, but allison, dan, and nicky working at the bar/club they frequent??? a Concept.

andrew and kevin are both pretty surprised to find out that neil doesn’t drink. they try and “convince” him otherwise, but neil refuses and short of drugging him, there’s not really anything they can do

nothing really happens the first couple of hours. nicky flirts with neil a couple of times, neil doesn’t notice, the usual. things take a turn when neil spots kevin’s tattoo. other than that, the night was a bust

since this is an au, idgaf what’s in their past. reader interpretation, use ur imagination, go crazy. however, whatever kevin was involved with, neil was somehow tangled up in too. that part stays the same

he doesn’t mention it

he doesn’t mention it

he doesn’t mention it

and then, of course, he mentions it

it’s not on purpose or in anyway eloquent. they probably get into some sort of fight while closing up and it just slips out

there’s a moment of “oh shit”, the complete understanding that passes through the two of them

they don’t mention it

except they do, because andrew finds out

he and neil have a another “talk” bc yeah andrew might run the flower shop, but if neil brings trouble from kevin’s past back to him now, when he’s doing so much better, andrew can and will actually commit homicide

and that’s the start of their relationship!

well, no, not really. neil still takes a while to warm up to them, and a while longer to start feeling any sort of romantic attraction to them. and of course that’s after he realizes they’re even a couple, because trust me, with those two is always questionable whether or not they’re even friends. or acquaintances. or on speaking terms

also they have to eventually talk about everything. set boundaries, clear the air. neil gives them piece by piece looks into his past. it’s slow work, but it’s a little bit of trust given by someone who has never trusted anyone before.

yeah so anyways everyone thought KevinAndAndrew was confusing? well they don’t know what the fuck is going on with KevinAndAndrewAndNeil

what they do know is that kevin and neil do some of the best tattoos in the country. what they do know is that andrew and neil take smoke breaks together in the back alley, halfway between their two shops. what they do know is that andrew and kevin have adopted neil into their relationship and the three of them are so close-knit, it almost becomes impossible to find one away from the others at any given moment

what they do know is that at least twice a week, the short, blond, very scary flower-shop guy walks into a tattoo parlor and a 6-foot tall intimidating tattoo artist and 5’3 ginger with a sharp tongue and sharper attitude immediately stop what they’re doing and go meet him

that’s pretty much it. scary blonde who sells roses for a living falls for scary tattoo artist who doesn’t seem to believe in tattoos. both these idiots then fall for the (not at first glance) scary new guy who is obviously trouble, because this is a tatto/flower shop au, and everyone loves the broken badass with a heart of gold.

there’s something to be said here about the most intimidating and kick-ass power couple (throuple?) ever

also it’s funny bc based on appearances alone, everyone expects neil to run the flower shop, and kevin and andrew to do tattoos. boy are they in for a surprise though, because andrew knows every single flower you could ever think of sticking in a bouquet, and neil could operate a tattoo gun blindfolded

ALSO they all get matching tattoos at some point bc they’re idiots and in love and it probably has a whole crap ton of heartfelt meaning that i don’t want to explain bc i feel like i’ve rambled forever at this point and still said nothing significant

oh and neil 100% gives kevin a coverup, replacing his old tattoo with something else.

there’s all kinds of plants decorating the parlor courtesy of andrews shop, and neil and kevin design andrew’s logo

and betsy makes everyone flower crowns at some point. andrew refuses to acknowledge it i’m any way, but dutifully wears it regardless. neil wears it to work the entire day, and after hangs it in his office-thing. whatever tattoo parlors have. kevin straight up refuses to wear it but neil wears him down and he puts it on for like 20 minutes. there’s even pictures to prove it

[sandrinehbrt]

BARBIE MOVIE HEADCANONS

why am i doing this? oh, believe me, i am asking myself the same question. i have no idea but every time i watch barbie movies i also think of how sandrine would appreciate them and review them and yeah i guess this counts as character development and what not.

top five favourite movies

barbie and the magic of pegasus (ice skating, cute baby polar bear, kind of gay for the queen)

barbie as princess and the pauper (the SONGS the story the animation the everything, hands down the best barbie movie in the entire universe with swan lake as a close second)

barbie as the island princess (very adorable baby elephant, friendships are more important in the end than a semi pointless male interest no offense antonio but yeah full offense go away and colonize another island who cares)

barbie & the diamond castle (one word: LESBIANS)

barbie: a fashion fairytale (the terrible french accents deserve a special mention they made her laugh)

top five least favourite movies

barbie: videogame hero (it’s too high tech for this actual grandma)

barbie presents: thumbelina (the animation of the small creatures is very scary like their heads? are too big)

barbie fairytopia: the magic of the rainbow (they should have made a spin off about lesbian mermaid nori instead this was pointless laverna just go get lost for fucks sake)

barbie in the pink shoes (very confusing)

barbie: spy squad (she pays allegiance to totally spies, the ultimate female spies)

top five favourite characters

blair willows / princess sophia > princess charm school (the whole storyline is a dream: she was a waitress, won a contest to study at the royal school & ends up being the lost princess everyone thought died years ago.

annika > magic of pegasus (brave, bold & looks good in lilac)

clara > the nutcracker (she’s the sugarplum fairy, enough said)

viveca > three musketeers (very lesbian, very fashun, very hot)

sandrine > mermaid princess (for obvious reasons, also represents sandrine’s whole ‘i fall for people i can’t have’ since barbie sandrine has a lot of attitude and seems very hard to approach)

top five least favourite characters (excluding villains)

prince louis > three musketeers (sexist dumb pointless no chemistry with the main character whatsoever go get lost in your hot air balloon and complain it’s hard to be a prince bc you can’t talk to birds anymore)

the twins love interests > diamond castle (forced heterosexuality is boring make it stop)

janessa > 12 dancing princesses (she collects bugs BUGS!!!!!! nope not allowed)

eden starling > a christmas carol (great redemption arc and explanation of why she is pure evil but still, she gets a 0/10 for not being sweet like we get it eden you can sing and so does sandrine and yet she doesn't act like a diva)

stacie > great puppy adventure / great puppy chase (she's way too into sports child just chill and watch some cartoons give everyone a break pls)

best romantic relationships

liana & alexa > diamond castle (they live together they sing love songs to each other they sell flowers they find matching gems and make engagement necklaces together they lose their joy once they are separated, the whole movie is about liana wanting to date the muse melody and have a throuple and alexa wanting to keep their couple closed and alexa and liana finds out they don’t need anything else to be happy other than each other and this is gay)

odette & the fairy queen > swan lake (i feel like sandrine would call the fairy daddy for some reason, and odette bakes and dances? nice. swans are cute, good opportunity to say look at all those chickens)

rosella & luciana > island princess (full offense to antonio go back on your boat and let the two women in charge of your kingdom)

elina & nori > fairytopia: mermaidia (they “fight” for the same ugly merman but they end up having more chemistry together i stan! also nori becomes a better person and elina makes great sacrifices for her so it's perfect good girlfriends content)

geneviève & derek > 12 dancing princesses (listen LISTEN LISTEN this is prime romance, derek is attracted to geneviève, the misfit of the family despite all her other sisters being absolutely gorgeous, he gives her time, he shows his affection through small attentions, his own parrot ships them like this is goals and he does anything he can to make the whole family happy and to save them putting his love for gigi second)

in brief: sandrine your bisexuality is showing

(i disagree with the best top 5 especially but for the rest i feel like we would agree on most of this, especially about prince louis I HATE HIM WITH A BURNING PASSION like ;;;;; sir you are so flat and you have 0 personality and french monarchy? i don’t stan ~ also here’s the link to the barbie wiki page if you want context or u can ask me i’m a connoisseur phd in barbie movies i bought a barbie for my birthday does it validate my knowledge SHE’S LIKE “SWEET ORCHARD” THEME THAT IS SO ADORABLE idk what i will name her? thinking of cinnamon bc she comes with a basket of apples)

for reference:

gif 1 = liana & alexa from barbie & the diamond castle

gif 2 = annika & aiden from barbie and the magic of pegasus

gif 3 = princess annelise & erika from barbie as princess and the pauper

gif 4 = elina & nori from barbie fairytopia: mermaidia

gif 5 = geneviève & derek from barbie and the 12 dancing princesses

gif 6 = odette & the fairy queen from barbie of swan lake

[enchanted-irene-ia]

1-20 kekekeke

1. Who has been your favorite muse to play?

By far the my most favorite muse is Irene...Sorry Jinki LOL

2. Do you listen to music while you write? If so, what do you like to listen to?

I actually don’t listen to music, I tend to put on one of my repeat shows (Avatar or Criminal minds) but I have heard from others that emotional driven music helps with writing. I should try that. 

3. Are there any particular aus or plots that you’d really like to write?

Yes! I would love more fluff and even some smut (I need the practice) I would love to try maybe gore but that's the opposite of what I’ve ever done.

4. What are some of your rp pet peeves?

I’m not sure if this will make sense but I hate when others don’t add anything to a reply. They simply reply to what’s going on without moving it forward. (ex: Muse 1 ABC - Muse 2 ABC instead of Muse 1 ABC - Muse 2 ABCD) 

5. What is the most difficult thing about writing your current muse?

Irene - The non feeling...feelings. It’s hard to write a muse that had no emotions during times that they should have emotions. I feel like sometimes I’m not adding enough in my replies because of it. 

Jinki - His conflicts with others, while I personally find it hilarious seeing him struggle with others. Im such a non confrontational person there are times I have to remind myself they are arguing or are angry at Jinki and not me. 

6. What is your favorite thing about writing your current muse?

Irene - Her ditziness by far! I love writing out her ridiculous train of thought or lack thereof. 

Jinki - That would be a tie between him being sexually librial and a genuine sweetheart. I haven’t shown it much of it yet but I know it’s there.

7. Who was the very first muse you ever wrote?

Oh man this is embarrassing, my first rper was Liam from one direction LOL It was a tumblr group and he was the only one left. 

My first OC/Kpop  was a neko Suzy. I really liked that one. 

8. Have you ever written a novel? If not, does it interest you?

Uh I actually started a novel many years ago, it was horrible but did pretty well. It was about a polyamorous throuple….yeah idk we don’t talk about it.

9. Do you write fanfiction, or have you in the past?

Yes sadly I rode the aff train and wrote a couple of oneshots years ago...we don’t talk about it either. 

10. Do you like stylized icons and formatted text or do you prefer to keep things simple?

I had to ask what this was LOL I don’t do this but I do think the different fonts are pretty and I do connect it with the muse, like if was their own handwriting.

11. When did you start roleplaying?

Roleplaying I believe like 2011 or 2012? It’s a blur honestly 

12. Have you roleplayed anywhere other than tumblr?

Yes omg I’ve rped everywhere and still do sometimes. FB,Mewe,Discord,Kakao,Aim. Although everything else is/was shorthand rp nothing like the IA writing LOL 

13. Who are five of your favorite characters? (In the rp community or otherwise)

Oh easy and I honestly think these are my favorite because of how well our muses click.

Namjoon ,Merry, Wenhan,Mymy and Irene she just clicks so well with herself 

14. What are five of your favorite ships? (In the rp community or otherwise)

Honestly any G+S ships, they scarily rp so well together

Namgi Just meant for each other couple

Taekey Soulmate couple

JooJoon Best friend couple

Wenhan and Jinki (we should find a ship name LOL) FWB couple

Zimin(?) The toxic couple

15. What sort of muses do you tend to write?

Super friendly but emotionally unavailable muses. Sexually driving in some way. (Jinki just sexual and Irene nonsexual but sexual for the money)

16. Do you like to queue your replies or just post them when you finish?

I don’t queue replies but I tend to reply to everything in one sitting then mass upload them at once. 

17. Do you prefer winging it or plotting everything out?

I’m in between depending on the plot. Something light hearted and easy like a trip to the store its better to just wing but something that will include chara development like getting new powers, I like to plot out the beginning and have some sort of idea of how its supposed to end but everything in between can be up in the air. If that makes sense. 

18. What makes for a great roleplay partner in your opinion?

Honestly a great roleplayer is anyone that can help me become better LOL I swear I don’t mean it in a narcissistic kind of way! Someone that actually enjoys to rp and it's a passion to them is amazing to rp with. It helps me get better because I get excited about writing. A partner who cares about their muses and the development and not just for the faceclaim. Or just in search for a relationship. 

19. Have you received anon hate? If so, how do you deal with it?

Not as of recently but I have in the past, I tend to just delete it honestly. There was that one time I had hate when the face claim of my muse passed away and a anon said I should “let her go and delete the page” It hurt a lot more than I thought but I just deleted it I mean what else could I do.

20. If you could tell your muse something, what would it be?

You surprised me but you’re doing so well, better than I expected. Keep it up!

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 504

Let’s make this one quick, because tbh I really dgaf about Alicia and Isiah and I’m almost done with Maas’ new book so if any other’s in the Maaslander squad wanna chat about it, I have feelings.

They’re really dragging this Bonnet thing out, aren’t they. I mean, the books did too, but they could have, ya know, AdApTeD. Le sigh.

Hallo the house is the olde timey version of texting “here” when you get to your buddy’s place.

This episode could really be titled Men Suck.

I mean really. Roger? The Browns? Bonnet? Even fucking Elijah Ford manages to suck and we never even see him!

Jamie doesn’t suck much in this episode. Which is a nice change of pace for him. But he’s been headcanon’ed beyond recognition so whatevs.

Fergus doesn’t suck. Fergus is always the exception who can hang with the ladies because he’s cool enough to be in the good squad.

I just fucking love Fergus ok.

As someone who *hates* shopping, back in the day shopping seems like my exact version of hell.

Also, like, have these fuckers not learned their lessons about not communicating? They don’t need to fucking tell everyone the whole truth, but come the fuck on. They can at least give the Ridge Squad a heads up to not fuck with rando Irishmen who may show up.

I swear, they’re all so dumb it hurts.

Also, Bree, girl. You’re talking to an old Scottish lady. Maybe don’t shit on the Irish in a way that also directly applies to her.

Alicia was Mr. Darcy’s daughter on Ripper Street, right? She looks super familiar.

I’m offended on Fergus’ behalf that they’re wasting so much of his whisky with that leaky stopper, tbh.

Ah, toxic masculinity and patriarchal bullshit. Right up there with rape as my FaVoRiTe way to demonstrate that ye olde times sucked.

It’s like dialed to 11 this episode so obvi I spent the majority of it rolling my eyes.

The Jamie and Claire with the baby stuff was solid though.

And thank fuck they refer to her as Bonnie. Like, Diana is notoriously bad with names, but come the fuck on. Alicia Brown and Alicia Beardsley in like the same few chapters? THERE ARE A LOT OF NAMES IN EXISTENCE, DIANA. IT’S OK TO BRANCH OUT A BIT.

Every time something like this comes up, I remember that there’s another random Randall but like as a first name, I think, in the Gathering Without End. Because of course.

Fergus should really be a fucking diplomat. I mean really.

I am approximately 1000% over sing-alongs with Roger. Can we hang the fucker already so he can’t talk anymore?

Yay freedom! You know what goes well with freedom? An incestuous throuple. You do you, Beardsleys.

“You’re 14.” “Uh, I am clearly in my mid-20s.” “Nope, 14.” “Cool cool. Message received.”

“Congratulations, you work fast milord.” I JUST FUCKING LOVE FERGUS SO MUCH.

Seriously, this show needs more Fergus. Also more Fergus, Bree and Marsali bonding. Like, if we’re gonna have an episode about randos, we clearly could have better used the time to have the Fraser kiddos bonding.

“When in Rome...” STFU, Roger. Cosplaying your way through history like you’re on a fieldtrip isn’t cute. It’s fucking annoying. And you wonder why Jamie doesn’t like you. You are an eminently unlikable person.

Roger would def be the guest the hosts in Westworld want to kill.

The only good part about this side-quest is that there’s so much of Jamie telling Roger he sucks. And really, I’m here for any and all of Roger being told he sucks.

Ok but literalol at how badly Caitriona/Claire knocked over her mug. She like put it down fine and then tipped it over.

Oh hey, I wonder who that rando doctor who gives the weird advice is.

Lucinda is a cinnamon roll.

“Beauchamp, Randall, Fraser, now Rawlings? Ye have another husband I should ken about?” “Well, not yet, but you know your buddy who’s in love with you? Well...”

Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp Randall Fraser Randall Fraser Grey Fraser is a very respectable name.

DON’T MAKE FUN OF THE DRINK OF FERGUS’ PEOPLE, BROWN MAN.

Literally the whole time in Brownsville all I could think was fuck, I really don’t want them to do the ABOSAA bit with them next season but I know they’re gonna and I already don’t want to waste time doing fucking recaps.

I’m bored.

Fuck there’s still half an hour left.

“What sort of man would I be if I allowed a lady to sleep out with the militia on a cold, dark night?” Idk, the kind of man whose people kidnap and rape a lady? *preemptive rage intensifies*

I know I should be freaking out that Bree’s freaking out that Bonnet kidnapped Jemmy, but all I could think of is the old podsa ads for SimpliSafe.

The Ridge needs SimpliSafay.

I fucking hate this storyline with the passion of a thousand fiery suns, but I fucking love Marsali.

Omfg I know it’s Brownsville but them all being Browns is fucking like GoT shit. Like, diversify your gene pool, y’all.

Ok, glad there’s finally a Marsali and Bree scene. But I still wish they could hang and like chat about stuff like pals.

That being said, MARSALI IS A FUCKING SAINT AND I LOVE HER SO MUCH.

And of course, more violence against women. Because we can’t go two seconds without reminding the audience that the past is Bad and Dangerous for women.

Also, is Marsali still preggo? Which baby are we on? What time is it? How much longer is left in this season episode?

Cute of Claire to be like hey, Rog, Jamie’s trusting you with me! His favorite thing! Like Jamie’s not actually trusting Claire with his daughter’s dipshit husband.

Oh hey, remember how Brianna can draw Bonnet fairly accurately? Sure would be nice if there was a way to, idk, show those pics to folks on the Ridge. Just spit-balling here, but like, maybe giving folks a heads up would be a good idea. Kind of like how she fuCKING COULD HAVE DRAWN ROGER LAST YEAR BECAUSE TALKING ABOUT HER BOYFRIEND IS A NORMAL THING TO DO WITH FAMILY AND THEN WE WOULDN’T HAVE HAD ROGERGATE AND OMFG THE DUMB. IT HURTS SO MUCH.

Claire just fucking yeeted that baby lol.

For real though, literalol at Jamie like taking his coat off and being all dramatic as he prepares to... play DDR.

omega psi chi phi upsilon tau sigma rho pi omicron xi nu mu lambda kappa iota theta eta zeta epsilon delta gamma beta alpha

Drunk!Claire is back!

I fucking love drunk!Claire. So does Jamie.

The scene where they talk about raising the baby together is adorable. But also, like, Jamie, you’re grandparents now. All the good parts of parenting with none of the shitty parts! And y’all have been through enough shit in your lives that you deserve all the fluffy grandparenting!

“And Marsali and Fergus... Well, I’m sure they will keep the Ridge sufficiently populated if that’s what you’re worried about.” “ Yeah, that lass is with child every time Fergus lays eyes upon her.” WHERE IS THE LIE THO.

Joking aside though, they’d better keep giving Marsali more stuff to do than spit out babies. *aggressively side-eyes a certain author who DiDn’T lIkE wRiTiNg AbOuT kIdS*

Good on them for tweeting out the suicide prevention hotline. Literally the least they can do.

I’m barely really trying to give a shit about Alicia and Isiah, but alas, idgaf.

Literally the only good thing about this whole story line is Isiah being like “step the fuck off, you raging hypocrites” to Roger and Jamie.