#idk what’s gotten into my dreams lately can i go back to chilling with the characters

[crazyw3irdo]

why can’t i just dream i’m meeting a character i like why must i dream that i’m meeting the actor who plays the character and i try to be so so normal interacting with them

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

okay whatever!! I'm doing NaNoWriMo I guess!!!

I'm fully expecting to fall off the wagon at some point, probably this coming weekend because I'll be at a conference, but idk I like having structured writing motivations. and it's a YA thing with a VERY informal conversational voice so hopefully I can just chill and have fun.

first 1800ish words here. meet Cara, she's 18 and a werewolf and not doing so hot.

Where do I even start?

That’s not a rhetorical question, I have no idea. I’ve never really done this before, you know? I’ve never actually had to explain myself to anybody. Growing up, everyone always knew exactly who I was and what was going on.

Well, not everything. I mean, a lot of people actually had no idea what was going on with me for a really long time. That was actually part of the problem.

So suppose I start with the day that everything started falling apart? It makes as much sense as anything else.

That was the day we were supposed to be getting back to school from winter break. I remember really clearly that I slept in so late that Dad had to come and tell me it was time to get out of bed, which I he hadn’t had to do since I was a little kid and still adjusting to the routine. Every morning since I was thirteen, we get up early together to make breakfast and go patrol around the town. 

Sorry, do you know about… I mean, you obviously know what I am. That’s not what I’m talking about. But how much do you actually know about the werewolf thing? Most people don’t really know much unless they grow up in a town with a local wolf around. It’s a lot simpler than most people think it is but it’s also a lot more complicated, in other ways.

I don’t even know if I’m making sense. You remember what I said, about not being used to having to explain myself very much? 

Okay. Um. Just let me know if you have a question, I guess. Basically, what happened that morning is that Dad came and told me I had to crawl out of bed and I scrambled up and got dressed in the warmest, baggiest clothes I could find, and then we had some oatmeal together, and then we both went out back on the porch and turned into giant wolves so that we could run around the town borders and make sure nothing spooky was afoot. Got that?

Cool.

Like I said, we’d been doing that a long time. Every morning since seventh grade started, when I finally started getting a handle on my wolf stuff. And I was a real pro about it, even though I love being in bed, so I guess Dad probably thought it was weird that he had to tell me to get up. It wasn’t like I had been sleeping in over Christmas vacation; we never get a break just because of holidays. I mean, monsters don’t care that it’s Chrisitmas. Heck, the year before that we had to deal with a bunch of snowmen that came to life and started attacking people up at the ski lodge.

Did you hear about that? We did kind of blow up the lodge, but it was an accident. And it worked, so… You know.

Sorry. Am I avoiding the subject? I don’t know, I don’t think so. We haven’t even gotten to the hard stuff yet.

Me and Dad. He made oatmeal with strawberries and cream for breakfast, it was great. And then we went out to circle around Silver Falls and make sure everything was normal, which it wasn’t, but we didn’t know it yet that morning. Normally we can smell it coming miles away, right? I sort of mean that literally, because the sense of smell when you’re a wolf is like… I can’t describe it. I’ve never known how, when I’m human. It’s like having an extra eye open up seeing stuff you can only kind of squint at normally, and everything that’s usually fuzzy or invisible is suddenly so obvious. And then you change back and it’s just gone, like trying to hang onto a dream after you wake up. And our hearing is great too, which also helps. It’s hard to surprise us.

But there’s also just, like, a sense. Like a feeling, like when the town is in trouble we can feel it as clearly as if there’s something creeping up right behind us and breathing down our necks. My friend Ruby says that normal people learn not to pay attention to it when they have a feeling that something’s following them or they can’t stop glancing over their shoulders, because in normal people that’s just anxiety or paranoia. You take pills for it and go to therapy because it’s bad for you to feel like something is out to get you all the time, so you make it stop. But Dad always taught me and my brothers to listen to those instincts, because when werewolves feel like they’re in danger they’re usually right.

That morning everything was normal, though. All of the tracks in the snow were normal animals, ones that we knew. And no strange scents in the air. It was just a nice run with my dad, a good way to start the day off.

Most days actually are quiet, you know. For every day we’re tearing around town trying to catch a monster before it can kill someone, there are dozens of mornings that we just get to go for a run and stretch our legs. We can’t talk when we’re wolves but it’s still nice, hanging out. Sometimes Dad will stop to point out something cool he doesn’t want me to miss, like some baby animals or a pretty sunrise or flowers growing when it’s warm. I always get what he means. And I appreciate that he does it. We go fast when we’re wolves, like, faster than anything else can run. So it’s easy to miss things. And he always says it’s important to actually pay attention to the land and everything living on it, so that we remember why we do this and what we’re protecting. Because if you lose sight of why you do it, then you get… I don’t know. Weird?

I definitely ended up getting weird.

But we made it back to the house with no incidents, which was great. We were definitely thinking it was about time for something to happen soon, though. We never go more than a few months at a time without something cropping up in Silver Falls. The last big thing had been some gremlins at the trade school, gathering up scraps to build a mech suit. That one was… it was fun, honestly. I had never fought anything like that. And Hector thought it was really cool, because he likes robots and stuff like that. It was actually kind of downhill after that? I mean, not really, but we had kind of been getting worse since then. Like the gremlins were the last time we had something in common.

Hector was sort of my boyfriend, by the way. Or my fiancé, sort of. I don’t know, I hate that word. We weren’t even technically engaged, I guess. He had never actually proposed, but everyone knew what would happen after we graduated.

Do we have to talk about this part right now? I’m going to get to it, I swear, but there was other stuff. I swear I’m not avoiding it.

I was avoiding Hector, though. Not on purpose, it had just kind of happened over break. I don’t know, we’d been hanging out less and less, and then over break it was just so easy not to see him at all. He’d gone back to Florida with his mom for Christmas, to visit their family there, and I didn’t want to bother him. Or think about him at all, really. He’s a nice guy, really, but it was…

No, hang on. I’m doing this so out of order. We’ll get back to Hector, I swear.

Okay. Okay. So I got back home from this patrol where nothing happened, and we were running a little behind because I’d taken so long getting up, so Mom and the boys were practically already out the door. Um, I’ve got three brothers. Colin, Caleb, and Cooper. My parents liked the double C name so much for me that they just kept on rolling with it. 

The boys are all normal. Only the firstborn in each generation gets the wolf gene, and it only bounces if something happens. Like, my dad actually wasn’t supposed to be a wolf, but his brother died when he was a teenager fighting some tree monsters with my grandma. It only shifted to Dad after that, on the next full moon after his brother was gone. So Colin would only be a wolf if I died too young to have a successor, which is… I don’t know. I won’t let it happen. Colin doesn’t need to worry about that. 

It’s weird, actually. Colin was fourteen when all of this happened, and Caleb was twelve, which was how old I was when I started wolfing. And when I was twelve I felt so mature and ready to start taking all of those responsibilities on with my dad. I was so impatient for it, and I hated that it felt like I took so long. Like, I was kind of a late bloomer. But I think back to Caleb being that age, and even Colin being fourteen, and I don’t know. They’re babies. They’ve always seemed like babies to me. But I would look at my brothers and their friends and how young they were, and how totally clueless, and it just seemed crazy to me that I was already running off to life or death fights at all hours when I was their age. 

Sorry, I got sidetracked. Anyways.

So Mom was already dressed for work at school, and had the boys wrangling all of their books and lunches together and stuff, and she told me if I wanted a ride with her then I needed to move fast, so I told her not to worry about it. And she said:

“If you see Ruby before I do, give her a hug and tell her congratulations for me.”

And I didn’t know what she meant, which was weird, because Ruby was always doing something that deserved a hug and congratulations, but I also always knew what it was because Ruby was my best friend and I thought I knew about everything going on with her. But I was confused and Mom could tell, so she went:

“She got another three acceptance letters over break.”

And I said, oh, right, yeah, like I had known all about that, so Mom dropped it and gave me and Dad little kisses goodbye and left. Which was kind of silly in my case, I guess, since she worked at my school and my school wasn’t huge, so we would definitely see each other again before too long. But it was sweet, though. I don’t want to sound like I was complaining about my mom loving me or anything.

[kryptoniancape]

Caryl moments you're looking forward to/hoping for in the spinoff (besides the obvious!) - for me it's Daryl teaching Carol how to ride the motorcycle :)

Oh boy, have I been waiting all day to write this. *Cracks knuckles*

Any motorcycle stuff is good tier; Daryl hovering over her with his hands over hers on the handlebars while he shows her the clutch/brake, Carol straddling him on the bike for a quick passionate makeout before they drive off somewhere—In fact that last bit is my ultimate crackheadcanon for the final scene we see of them in the main show. (I dream big)

Helping each other dress down for the night/get dressed in the morning and pausing to kiss each other’s scars. I especially see and love the idea of Carol doing this.

Cuddling and telling stories by a camp fire. And just like, more of them acting domestic as they move from campsite to campsite. The haircut scene from 9x07 was one hell of a teaser and I’m awaiting the feature.

Speaking of hair, Daryl playing with strands of Carol’s hair.

If they end up in another place with running water at some point: mutual shower time, obviously. (Other couples have gotten shower moments on this show, Caryl will be overdue for one or two!) And like, I see them falling into it out of pure convenience initially, because they’re naturally such a unit they’d think efficiency first and foremost :)) Honestly it doesn’t even have to be a traditional shower, they could just be trying to clean up wherever and it turns flirty.

This one’s kinda corny but I’d love to see Daryl take to a pet name for Carol, since she already has one for him. I imagine a standard term of endearment, but coming from Daryl it would be hilarious and adorable no matter what.

Getting stuck holed up somewhere until a threat passes but they find an old bottle of whiskey. And it tastes like shit but it gets them past the time with genuine laughs and carefree canoodling

For that healthy dose of angst, an episode or so where some kind of danger spirals into them getting separated by accident, and leads one or both of them to believe the other could be seriously injured, in trouble or worse, and then the absolute tooth rotting fluff moment of them finally finding each other unharmed, in a deperate embrace of emotions.

Acting super overprotective of one another/threatening potential hostiles they cross paths with for breathing too close to their respective boo

Making cigarettes and smoking them together

Nursing each other after an injury and being just a lil overbearing and cute about it

Turning random tasks into playful contests (just like acorn kick the can) and like making petty bets and shit too that may or may not involve sexual favours :)))

Obviously want to see Caryl + visiting iconic North American landmarks; maybe the grand canyon, and some Mayan ruins would be sick if they end up going that far south. If they come up to Canada and start tearing it up in my neck of the woods I think I would die lol. These would also be such priceless Daryl moments, because our bby has never seen anything outside of the southeastern states.

Stealing neat trinkets and stuff to give to each other as gifts, and being excited to surprise each other with it. Maybe they even give each other matching stick n pokes at one point, Idk

Okay lastly, (and this is sort of a specific headcanon I have that stems all the way back from that image of Melissa holding the guitar, lmao) They stumble across a safe-ish area late one night that has super weird western vibes, and surprise! It’s actually a fucking bar, with a bunch of burly scary lookin people on edge. And just when it seems like they’re all about to throw down they’re like, we’ll chill in exchange for one song. Daryl blinks and Carol is like, fuck it I’ll sing something for y’all if that’s what it takes for us to crash here tonight, so be it :) A couple of dudes with beat up instruments are already at the ready in an elevated corner of the room, and Carol sings some knockoff accoustic piece akin to Ride by LDR. The entire room is just hollering and thoroughly into it, and Daryl stares on with heart eyes and amazed bewilderment at what is transpiring. Cue some flash cuts afterwards of Daryl and Carol smashing beers with these complete strangers and all of them genuinely enjoying each others’ presence. 🎬

Whew, that was a full ted talk. They will be the death of me. I swear, I could watch another decade of their adventures together and it would never get boring. Caryl truly are in their own league. I’m enthralled by the proximity of just seeing them existing, basically.

[marveloussupernerd]

The Flu - SakuAtsu

Writing this for my wonderful friend’s bday !! Sorry it’s posted so late whooops also this is short af bc I might do a part 2 or something idk

Summary: Omi gets the flu, which is a rare occurrence, and Atsumu goes to take care of him. Pure fluff

Background: Sakusa is attending college in Tokyo and Atsumu is still playing volleyball in his home town so like still a commute for them

Omi never got sick. Man was one of the most careful people in the world — he always wore his mask when he was out and about around large groups of people, carried hand sanitizer with him and sanitizing wipes to clean off any surface he may have to touch (the handles on the train, for instance), and made an effort to keep his home spotless, even wiping down groceries as they made their way through the door.

So when he did get sick, it kicked his ass.

The last thing he needed was to get sick now, with an exam in a little less than a week. He had outlined what he needed to study, but hadn’t actually gotten to studying yet. And it wasn’t a cold... his high fever, chills, and congestion made it very clear to him it was the flu.

What was he going to do though? He had to skip class. At least today was a Friday, so he could spend the weekend recovering. He grabbed his phone and texted Komori, begging him to bring some medicine because he couldn’t imagine pulling himself out of bed.

He hated asking people for help, or showing any sort of weakness. That’s why when Atsumu texted him, he proceeded through their conversations like usual, trying to conceal the fact that he was sick until he finally passed out from exhaustion, leaving Atsumu’s texts hanging.

Omi never left the conversation abruptly. It made Atsumu uncomfortable, but he ignored it. He was probably studying. Still, he sent him a few messages to get back to him as soon as possible.

When a few hours had passed, he asked Komori if he knew what was up, and that’s when the cat was out of the bag: Sakusa Kiyoomi was sick.

It was the weekend, so it wasn’t like Atsumu had any priorities. He packed his bag, strapped on a mask, and took the train to Tokyo.

He always traveled this trip with a mask for Omi. His boyfriend was always so careful that he’d feel like a jerk for giving him a sickness he picked up on the trip because he hadn’t been careful. His boyfriend had, admittedly, rubbed off on him just a little—trains were gross and unsanitary and he couldn’t help but think about it from time to time during the trip.

His first stop in Tokyo was at a pharmacy near Omi’s house. He purchased some canned soup (there was no way he’d be able to make anything from scratch... he was... himself), medicine, a few boxes of tissues, the hand sanitizer Omi liked, and some ice cream for good measure. The next stop was to Omi’s place.

It was a good thing they had gotten locked out that one time and his boyfriend told him about the key he hid in the flower planter. He didn’t have to wake the sick man up at all to enter the house.

“Omi Omi!?” He called, not actually expecting an answer. It was pretty clear that he had been napping, and was likely still asleep. He just hoped his boyfriend wouldn’t hear him moving around and think someone had broken in (although technically, he had).

He went to the kitchen and wiped down his groceries with Clorox wipes to make sure they were sanitary before putting them away. He pulled open one of the drawers to grab a piece of notebook paper to write to his boyfriend.

Hi Omi <3 I’m in the shower. Love you lots.

Tsumu

That would be fine for now. He slid the paper under Omi’s bedroom door and went in the direction of the bathroom. He had to make sure he washed away anything he could have picked up on the train.

He liked using Omi’s body wash — it smelled like lavender. He had never been huge on the scent in the past, but now it made him feel all warm and fuzzy, associating it with his boyfriend’s scent. He made sure to wash every square inch of his body, leaving nothing up to chance, but still tried to get done as quickly as possible. He didn’t want to keep his boyfriend waiting (more like even though he knew his boyfriend was sick, he couldn’t wait to see him... it had been two months already since their last hangout).

He turned off the shower and shook some water out of his hair, going into his bag for a fresh, clean pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. He pulled on the outfit then made his way to his boyfriend’s bedroom, knocking quietly on the door before entering.

Omi was passed out in bed, his phone next to him, blanket covering half his body. Atsumu strolled over to the bed, taking a seat on the edge of it next to his peaceful-looking boyfriend. He very gently placed his hand on the sick boy’s forehead, then put his other hand on his own forehead to compare. Yep. He was definitely warm. He tucked a stray hair off of Omi’s forehead and gently took his arm away.

He was going through a crisis of whether he should wake his boyfriend and inform him of his presence or not. He looked so relaxed, and it was probably hard to fall asleep to begin with. But also, he was very worried Omi would groggily beat the shit out of him when he woke up because he was afraid he was an intruder.

Yeah, sounded like his mind was made up.

He shook the man’s shoulder carefully. “Omi,” he whispered, trying to wake him gently. Luckily it worked, as the latter’s eyes peeled open slowly. “Hi,” Atsumu whispered.

“Tsumu?” He asked, his voice hoarse.

“Ya coulda told me you were sick,” Atsumu playfully complained, leaning forward to kiss his boyfriend’s forehead. “I was all worried.”

“I’m okay,” he frowned, but he knew that playing it cool wasn’t working. His throat felt all ticklish and he started to cough.

“You haven’t gotten sick since what? Middle school? Ya need someone to take care of you.”

“I don’t wanna make you sick...” Sakusa whispered, his eyes shutting.

“You won’t. Even if you do, though, I’m a big boy and get sick all the time too, so I’m used to it.”

“Fine. I don’t want you making me more sick because you were out,” Sakusa grumbled. It was clear he was actually concerned about his boyfriend’s health, but sometimes speaking this way was the only way to get it through to Atsumu. Tsumu was somehow the most arrogant and selfless jerk he had ever met.

“I wore a mask on the train and everything! Sanitized the groceries, took a shower before I came in here. All for you Omi,” Atsumu explained proudly, his back straightening a little bit as he spoke.

“Mm whatever,” Omi mumbled. He still hadn’t opened his eyes from when he shut them earlier. “Can we go to sleep now?”

“You want me to too?”

Sakusa reached out and grabbed his boyfriend’s hand, pulling it closer to him. “Cm’ere and lay down. This is the only time in your life you get to be big spoon.”

Atsumu carefully clambered over his boyfriend to the other side of the bed, plopping down beside him eagerly. He was trying to not make too many motions that might shake the bed and make his boyfriend nauseous, but he was extremely cuddle deprived and would be lying if he said he wasn’t on cloud nine. He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, pressing a kiss to the back of his neck. “Sleep tight Omi. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Omi slept like a rock for a few hours. Atsumu took a nap with him, woke up, went on his phone, checked up on his boyfriend, and those sorts of things. It had probably been about three hours when Sakusa started moving, tossing and turning and trembling.

“Omi? You okay?” He asked, reaching over to feel his boyfriend’s forehead for a temperature. It felt even warmer than before.

Atsumu clambered out of bed, rushing to the kitchen to get an ice pack and a glass of water. When he returned, Omi was now mumbling in his feverish state.

“Atsumu...”

Atsumu rushed to his side, sitting on the edge of the bed. He carefully put the ice pack on his boyfriend’s head, holding it in place despite Omi’s sudden movements.

“I’m here Omi. It’s okay.”

“Don’t...” he whispered.

He pushed the sweat-coated hair off his boyfriend’s forehead so he could get the ice pack on well. “You okay?”

“I’ll be better...”

“Omi? Are you dreaming or talking with your eyes shut? You’re freaking me out.”

“I’m sorry...”

“That’s not helpful for my question honestly.”

“Don’t go...” he sniffled, inhaling heavily, the congestion making it hard to do so.

“Dreaming it is.” Atsumu shook him gently, trying to wake him up. “Get up Omi, it’s just a dream.”

His eyes snapped open, then blinked furiously, a few tears escaping as he did so. “Tsumu?”

“It’s okay. I’m here. It was just a dream,” Atsumu cooed softly, dropping the ice pack and opting cup his face gently and stroke the tears off his cheek.

Sakusa sat up, scooting to his boyfriend to give him a hug, burying his face in the crook of his neck. “Had a dream you left. Said you didn’t love me,” he muttered. “I was still sick and everything.”

“I’d never do that.” Atsumu kissed his cheek. “I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t do anything.”

“I know. But I’m sorry Dream Atsumu did that.”

Omi laughed, a pitiful laugh that sent him into a coughing fit, but a laugh nonetheless.

“Oh! Let me check your temperature. You feel warm,” Atsumu remembered, scrambling out of his boyfriend’s grip to run to the bathroom cupboard and grab a thermometer. He quickly returned to his spot, sweeping his legs to plop down on the bed. He held the thermometer out towards his boyfriend. “Say ‘aw’.”

Sakusa sighed, rolling his eyes, then opened his mouth and let out a small ‘aw’. Atsumu put the thermometer in his mouth and waited patiently, silently, as the temperature was being read.

“102. Why is your thermometer in Fahrenheit?”

Sakusa laughed. “I didn’t realize it was when I bought it.”

A Google search later told the two that it was, indeed, a fever, but he would be okay.

“You sure you’re alright? You wanna take some more medicine and go back to sleep?” Atsumu offered, laying back on the bed.

“Not yet. I don’t think I can sleep anymore.”

Atsumu paused, a small smile forming on his face.

“What is it Miya? You’re scaring me...” Sakusa asked, averting his gaze from the blonde’s.

“You know what’ll help your fever? Ice cream. If you’re up for it, I bought a pint.” Atsumu offered, looking up at his boyfriend with a very small pleading look that said ‘please give me ice cream or I’ll cry’.

“Okay,” Omi smiled. “It’s going to help me get better, so how can I say no?”

[ihopethisendswell]

My Computer Is Terrible So I'm Stating My Story Ideas Here Part 10: The Part 2 of the other Part

So so so

Part 2 of the other part which is part 9 and this is part 10 so it's a sequel part

Okay okay okay

Here we go!

Going full ramble again! You have been warned!

So right now Leon, Sonia and Raihan aren't on the best terms after their Big Fight™

So except some back handed insults now and again.

And soon they get to the point where they're just tearing at each other

But not yet

That's for later :)

But they still have to co-op to together if they want to save their kingdom

So yeah they're pretty sour at the moment

They eventually reach the sea side where the ordered(?) a ship to reach to Eternatus. Cause it's on a isolated island

And the ship captain is none other than Nessa, the most feared captain of them all.

She takes after her cousin Archie

Yes I'm making them cousins in this Au fight me

She is often called The Siren given her beauty and deadliness

So why would she be the one to help a royal like Leon

Well she was the only one willing to go and Leon had to pay a lot to get her to cooperate so-

Yeah

But you'll never guess who else is one the ship

Hop and co!

The only reason they're even on I'd because Piers is friends with Nessa

They go way back

So it's like a favour or something

Now Hop didn't know that Leon was going on this specific ship

So you could imagine the reunion

Leon isn't happy btw

Bede is being smug about it like " I told you so" but Marnie shuts him up

Piers tries to defend Hop which honestly cause Leon to relent

So now not only Sonia is with them, but now three teenagers and a thief( I decided to make Piers the head of a big thieves guild....and possibly former duke?)

Which is just so many casualties

This is the part where we really drive home that Leon has this unhealthy way of thinking that he has to take care of everything as king.

This as always been a thing, since his parents died and Rose ( unintentional or not) telling him that everything is on him, and only him.

He didn't even want Raihan to come since he feared how would get hurt or worse

But Raihan is a strong fighter, the best in the kingdom so he can count on him

But Sonia? Sonia quitted becoming a knight a long time ago. She may know the basics but she can't really hold her own

At least that what he thinks

And now his precious little brother is one the same ship with him plus Roses mentor and two thieves( though they do seem chill)

He can't risk them getting hurt. He can't

But we don't have time to unpack all of that!

Cause ya wanna know who else is on the ship? Alexis and co! Boom!

But they actually snuck on because they heard this ship was going where they needed to go to save Naomi and honesty they rather not pay so-

Sneaking it is! Though it's hard cause N is very tall and green hair is quite noticable

But they manage

Until Alexis hears Hop trying to explain why he's on the ship in the first place

And he mentions word of a girl named Naomi

Who is his cousin( I should mention that in Alexis' and Elliot's dream Naomi tells them her name for reference)

Tis triggers something in Alexis and causes his powers to go haywire

Causing him to expose himself and the other two

And everyone is about to attack him cause he's an intruder

And Elliot gets defensive cause " that's my brother you fuckers!"

And N is trying to calm the situation down ( as a means to not get anyone hurt and to atone for his actions as a former prince)

Then Leon is like " wait your the guy from the market!" And before Alexis can respond his powers end up sparking a lot which causes him to double over in pain

And by this point Elliot is panicking cause her brother could possibly die

N is trying to heal him but him alone isn't enough

Then Bede says he could help!

And it's revealed that the boy is half fae!!! Since his hair covered up his ears most of the time!!!

He was told to repress his fae side by Rose in fear of getting hurt( and that having a fae would cause some chaos that he can't control and Rose must have control over thingd to make sure things are good)

So Bede and N heal him, Bede being half fae REALLY helps

So much so that it seems that whenever Alexis uses his powers they don't hurt him as much as it did before

Which is cool and all but he can't really in a child forever that would be wrong

So for now it's a temporary solution

Now everyone is a bit calm now, minus the million questions that Hop and Sonia is asking Alexis

Eventually the two parties( Alexis and Hop) spill they're story and when Alexis confirms that Naomi is very much real Hop is overjoyed and is like " See!!! I told you!! I told you she was real!!!" And everyone rightfully apologizes to Hop

Honestly the revelation that Naomi is in fact real made is already terrible mental state worse cause that means he's been discouraging his little brother for so long and he starts going through what Alexis went through in game canon as " What if I was a better brother,"

And Nessa is over here a bit annoyed that there's a bunch more people than expected but Leon reassures her that they'll pay more and Sonia suggest that they'll work on the ship as well and Nessa ain't complaining to that!( Especially because one of them is a cute red head)

So now bonding time!

Leon, Raihan and Sonia still aren't on the best terms

In fact they've been avoiding each other a lot

They're all stubborn

Though they do miss each other a lot

Hop and Sonia bombard Alexis with questions that he honestly doesn't know the answer to

Elliot is a bit of flirt, flirting with both Nessa and Sonia

She managed to get Nessa flustered at some point and will never live it down

But then she notices that the two of them have a connection and she's like " oh I see" and she's not even mad about cause that just means she has more victims to tease endlessly

Which also somehow worked into them getting together but that's for later

Marnie forces to Bede and Hop to talk out they're issues cause she's grown tired of it, and they do and reach a better understanding of each other

Hop the tells them about Naomi and about his dreams

They take it the wrong way, because of course they do, but he assures them that he only see's her as a friend.

Marnie is shown to be the most curious about who Naomi is.

Raihan and Piers start to bond

Piers was a former duke of a failing/dying nation(? Idk what to call it) and had to resort to thievery the keep things a float. Hence meeting Nessa

He doesn't hate Leon by any means but is always ready to point out his privileged lifestyle before bonding with Leon himself as older brothers

He also bonds with Alexis and Elliot for their mutual love for music

This is where the shipping starts

Alexis and Leon haven't properly interacted before this point. It's mostly small talk

But! Leon has always been fascinated by Alexis, given his tendency to keep to himself and his curse

So one night on deck Leon wakes up( woke up from a nightmare of loosing everyone. Y'know. The usual) and was about to go back to bed when he hears singing

At first he thought it was Piers,as he's known to sing and they've all heard him sing before BUT!

When he listens closely he realizes that it's not Piers

So he goes out to investigate

And it's revealed to be Alexis!!!

And his voice is so beautiful!!!

It's a contrast to his speaking voice , while still quite, his singing voice is more softer and smooth.

His singing voice is much more sadder than his usual stoic monotone voice

And Leon is completely enamored.

Not to mention that Alexis isn't wearing his cloak that covers the majority his body, so this is the first time Leon has gotten a clear view of him and

The man is , mm, I would say infatuated. A small crush begins to form

Alexis' song is a sad one

He sings about the pain he's going through and how he wishes he didn't involve those he cares about

Which really spoke to Leon. Like a lot

Because parelles babeyyyy

But when Alexis notices Leon's snooping he calls him out, pretty embarrassed

Cause the only person he ever sang in front of is Elliot, Cheren, Bianca and his parents

So having Leon there, a stranger,is embarrassing

Not to mention that he's not very proud of his appearance via the curse

He's been called a monster by someone on the ship prior and while Nessa was quick to snap at that person it still took a blow to his already low self-confidence

Leon begs to differ but he doesn't know that, and even if he did it's more of a him thing that he needs to get over .

After a quick back and forth they end up talking and just....spilling everything

Alexis talks about his time as a chosen one, his battle with Ghetsis, his scar his curse, and especially his want to do this alone to protect others

While Leon talks about his fight with Raihan and Sonia, the disconnect between the three, how he feels like an awful older brother to Hop, the pressure if being a king after his parents, the guilt he feels for dragging everyone into this mess

Both of them don't know why they're saying this. They're both pretty secretive about how they truly feel, but it's incredibly late, and the two are in a vulnerable spot so it kinda just comes out

After a while they both go to bed with a strange but welcomed friendship!

I just wanna say, if I ever do write this, it's not gonna be entirely romance focused.

The ships will be there, but like, the amount of character set-up I did prior demands a lot more attention soooooo

Especially with Sonia, Raihan and Leon's whole conflict!

I hope I didn't misrepresent their characters here!

But yeah

This got very long very fast so part 3 is in order!

TDLR: Leon and Alexis needs a hug, and I feel like this is going to be a series within a series

[blisslilywrites]

𝑓𝑎𝑖𝑟𝑦 𝑑𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑚𝑠.

➵︎ You’re a fairy who accidentally wound up in this world, but with the help of a human you met, you’re hoping you’ll be able to find a way back

Pairing: Tsukkishima x Fairy!Reader Word Count: 1.6k [one-shot] Genre: fluff(?), fantasy Warnings: none

A/N: yepp this is pretty late but ive been busy lately plus i wasn’t rlly happy with how this turned out but figured might as well just post it -lily 

The ground glowed blue. Fallen leaves and loose pieces of grass started swirling around you. 

This is not good.

You saw a flash of white and suddenly fell through the ground. 

The world became dark. 

You screamed and flailed, flapping your wings out of instinct. It proved futile and you soon realized your surroundings were devoid of air. You were just… falling. 

As soon as you realized this, everything became light again and you saw the grassy ground approaching fast. You hit the ground with a thud a second later and knocked yourself out. 

When you woke up, you groaned and slowly got up. Turning around, you took in your surroundings. A few bushes sprouted here and there, grass that extended in all directions, and a smooth gray pathway that cut through the vibrant green. 

That’s odd. There aren’t any pathways like this in the fairy kingdom. 

You shrugged. Ah well who knows what projects the higher-ups are cooking up. This might just be another one of them.

You didn’t actually think it was some project the senior fairies were working on. It was just a way of trying to reassure yourself, and it wasn’t exactly working. The moment you woke up, you knew you weren’t in the Fairy Kingdom anymore

The scenery here wasn’t that different from the ones at home but there was still something that felt off about it. Maybe it was the pathway, or maybe it was the way the wind that blew in your face smelled a bit old. It didn’t seem to have the same freshness as the wind from back home. You tried your best to brush it off and come up with a plan.

Deciding the best thing would be to follow the path, you spread your wings, picked a direction, and let the path guide you.

After what must’ve been hours of flying, both wings were exhausted and you resorted to using your legs. The sky had become a palette of reds and oranges. 

It’s dusk. That means the night folk should be coming out soon.

You shuddered remembering the last time you had a run-in with one of the night folk. Not wanting something like that to happen again, you picked up the pace.

A while later, you spotted two lights in the distance. It was coming closer and closer at an alarming pace. You froze on the spot and couldn’t move until you heard a loud, blaring sound and instinctively dived out of the way. 

The lights zipped past and you could see they belonged to a shiny moving box of sorts. It wasn’t a creature you were familiar with and the fear that was inside since you fell through the portal started to grow. 

You hurriedly got up and continued walking. The further you went, the colder it became. You huddled your thin wings around your arms and continued forward, not wanting to stop until you found something, anything, that could serve as shelter. 

The pathway sloped downwards and you could make out faint lights coming from the valley below. Hurrying forward, you spotted what looked like a town and immediately uncurled your wings and flew down to it. 

Upon closer inspection, this town was nothing like the towns of the fairy kingdom. Lights came from strange places and gave off a white tang. There wasn’t any grass here, save for a few patches here and there. Instead, the ground was all smooth. There weren’t many trees either and you wondered what these creatures used for their homes. Did they live in the huge blocks that covered the area? 

You were curious to know what creatures lived here, and even more so, if they were welcoming.

-----

Practice had just ended and Tsukkishima was all ready to go home. Yamaguchi had stayed home sick so it was just him walking home today. He put on his headphones and strode out of school and onto the sidewalk leading home. 

He was well past the school when he noticed a few street lights flickering. This area of town always gave him the chills. At this time of night, no one was out and the streets were ominously empty. It was also very quiet, which didn’t exactly bother Tsukkishima but always struck him as a bit off for some reason. 

He was about to turn a corner when he bumped into someone. Looking down, he saw something, or rather someone, fumbling to get up. The force of walking into Tsukkishima had knocked them down so he begrudgingly gave them a hand. Begrudgingly because he was Tsukkishima, because he didn’t know this person, and because they were dressed head to toe in what looked like huge leaves and flower petals. 

The oddly-dressed person ignored Tsukkishima’s hand and jumped up on their own. It was then he saw the insect-like wings protruding from their back. 

Thinking this person was probably just another dedicated cosplayer, he muttered an apology and continued making his way back home.

-----

You stared at the creature you had just bumped into. This one was unlike the shiny moving box in that it had features similar to fairies. 

It had a nose, two eyes framed by something unfamiliar to you, a band that extended across its head and covered the sides of it, two arms and two legs clothed in interesting-looking garments. It didn’t have wings but was carrying a sack of sorts over its shoulder. The creature was quite tall, taller than you by much, so you had to look up towards it. 

Before you could say anything, he muttered something lost to you and turned to walk away.

“Wait,” you called out, going after it.

The creature didn’t turn around so you kept calling. It finally did and looked at you with what seemed to be extreme perplexity.

“What do you want?”

You paused, not quite understanding what this creature was saying but sensing it was somewhat annoyed. 

Ohhh we don’t speak the same language. You smacked your head, ashamed of not realizing it sooner.

In one fluent motion, you took some golden-colored dust from a pouch by your side and sprinkled it on your lips, murmuring an incantation while doing so. 

“Can you understand me now?”

The creature looked unimpressed and merely looked at you before repeating, “What do you want?”

“Umm..well you see, I’m lost. Could you tell me where we are..?”

The creature looked even more unimpressed and in a sarcastic tone he answered, “Japan.”

“J-Japan..?” 

You’ve never heard of this Japan place before and you were starting to worry more.

“What? Don’t know what Japan is?”

You nodded sheepishly regretting not paying much attention in world studies class.

Now the creature just seemed to look shocked.

“Where are you from then?” it asked.

“The Fairy Kingdom,” you replied almost instantly. 

It narrowed its eyes and scowled, “Where are you really from?”

“I told you, the Fairy Kingdom.”

-----

Tsukkishima had no idea why he was still talking to this person. They were clearly unhinged. He told them they were in Japan like the smartass he was but they seemed to have never even heard of it. 

The Fairy Kingdom? Wings? Clothes made out of plants?? Yeah, they definitely needed help. 

He was about to walk away, again, when they flew in front of him. They flew, with their insect wings that were apparently not a prop. He blinked once, twice. 

“Could you--”

“You’re an actual fairy?” he interrupted.

“Uh yeah.”

“And you’re from the..Fairy Kingdom?” 

“Yes. That’s what I’ve been saying,” the fairy pouted and flapped their wings in a huff.

Tsukkishima found that action a little cute but kept it to himself. He was still processing all this.

You stopped pouting and fluttered to the ground. 

“Umm, so it seems I may have gotten myself a little lost and ended up here.” Looking up at him, you asked in your most pleading voice, “Could you maybe help me find my way back… please?”

He hesitated. He’s heard stories of deceiving fairies and how people said to not get into deals with them. Or maybe that was another fictional creature… Either way he wasn’t about to risk anything without the prospect of getting anything in return.

“What do I get? In return for helping you?”

“The satisfaction of doing a good thing?”

He shook his head, “Not good enough.”

“Ummmmm… I’ll owe you?”

“Hmm interesting offer,” he said with a smirk. “We can discuss that in detail later. For now, let’s go. It’s getting late.”

“Wait so are you going to help me?”

“Possibly.”

You cracked open a wide smile and jumped up in the air, flying alongside him as he walked down the path. 

“Thank you… What was your name? I didn’t quite catch it.”

“You can call me Tsukkishima.”

“Tsukkishima..that’s kinda long. I think I’ll just call you Tsukki,” you said with a grin. “By the way, my name’s Y/N. Nice to meet you.”

He cringed internally wondering what he had just gotten himself into. 

It’ll all be fine though. There’s no way this could be real. This was just some dream or hallucination brought on by his exhaustion from practice. Yes, that was it. He’ll gladly humor this fairy. It was just a dream anyway.

The next morning when he woke up, the first thing he saw was your face, wide-eyed curiously peering down on him.  

He let out a yelp and quickly reached for his glasses. 

Taking a deep breath, he calmed down and realized two things: he was late for school, and you were still here which meant… it wasn’t a dream after all.

A/N: qksnkd okk not my best fic,,, it feels incomplete somehow? idk maybe if i get some inspiration in the future i’ll consider writing more parts. also hoped tsukki wasn’t too ooc;-;

[neerasrealm]

POV: Jeff the killer kidnapped you and is venting to you about his internalized homophobia

I COULDN’T THINK OF AN ACTUAL TITLE SO I WENT WITH THAT

Anyway hi this is a jeffxben fic told from jeff’s POV. a little bit angsty but mostly just cuddles and comfort. and one-liners. lots of one-liners. The ending is a lil messy and idk man I didn’t know how to finish the fic so- ignore that

Based on one of these story starters.

Word count: 1907

There are three things you need to know before you read this.

One; hi, I'm Jeff. Nice to meet ya.

Two; I killed my parents three and a half years ago. I know that's a lot to dump on you immediately but it'll be important later.

And three….I'm...gay. There. I said it. I like guys. I'm attracted to men. I want to kiss guys. Or specifically- one guy. 

He has blonde hair, dark skin and bright blue eyes. And also pointed ears. He's a ghost, specifically one that's latched onto a Nintendo 3DS and a cartridge of Majora's Mask 3D. He looks like Link- but I'm not attracted to Link. Link is a twink and that's not my style. 

His name is Ben and Ben? Ben is a bro. He's my bro. He's everyone's bro- he has that natural charisma that makes everyone like him. He's friendly, polite, funny and laid-back. He's always down to hang out with you or invite you into his room to play videogames. Everyone likes Ben. But me? I love Ben. As in- love love him. I want to kiss his goofy face. His lips probably taste like cheetos and beef jerky. Gross. I hate how much I think about how his lips would taste. 

So now you're probably thinking "hey Jeff, why are you just vomiting your gay thoughts on me? Go tell him you love him."

But There's A Problem.

My parents- the dead ones- were really homophobic. Being gay just wasn't something you did. And it still feels wrong to me- which is weird considering the fact that my new adoptive parents are two gay men and my foster siblings are mostly homosexuals. But it still feels wrong. No matter how much I'm exposed to it I still feel that slight guilt whenever I catch myself admiring Ben while he trash talks someone, and I want to punch myself whenever I wake up from a dream about cuddling him. 

So that brings me to this situation. 

Picture this, okay? I'm sitting on his bed with a controller in my hand. We're playing smash bros and having a great time. I'm having...not a good day. You remember the dead parents thing? The trauma I mentioned? Yeah that's been haunting me all fucking day and I'm not feeling good. At all. And of course I'm not gonna tell anybody about it, because that means I have to address the problem. And I never, ever, address problems. Ever. They'll fester in me till the day I die. Like maggots.

That's gross I apologise.

But- yeah. I'm not feeling good and I'm hiding this fact from Ben because he cheers me up way better when he doesn't know I'm sad. 

"Hah! Gotcha!" 

"Shit-!" I swear as my character (king k rool, in case you wondering) flies off the stage. Ben laughs and woops beside me in victory. I shoot him a glare.

"Man you suck at this game." He laughs.

"I don't suck." I spit back. "You're just really good."

"Suuure you are." The smug look he gives me makes me wanna punch him. My hand curls into a fist in my lap. I grunt at him in response. He laughs and nudges me. "Hey it's alright Jeffy," I hate that nickname with the burning passion of a thousand suns. "You'll learn how to play soon enough."

"Lay off, man." I mutter back. I drop the controller and he snickers.

"Aww c'mon don't tell me you're rage quitting on me."

"Shut up dude just-" I shoot him an agitated look. "Just shut your stupid mouth okay?"

His smile drops. "Hey, you okay man?" Shit. He sounds worried.

"I'm fine." I grunt back. He puts his hand on my shoulder and squeezes it. "Get off."

The hand withdraws. I hear him shift on the bed next to me. "Hey, dude-" he frowns. "Are you feeling alright today? Do you- need to talk or chill or…?"

I glare at Ben. He's being nothing but supportive and kind and what am I doing? Being an ass. "No I don't need to fucking chill." I growl at him. "I'm fine, alright? Just fine."

"Alright…" it's quiet for a bit while Ben turns off the game. Eventually he speaks again. "You wanna watch a movie or something? I'm tired so…"

This is a trick. He's tricking me into taking care of my mental health. Fuck you Ben, I'll be as mentally ill as I want. 

‘’I’m gonna go to my room.’’ I stand up and immediately get YANKED back onto the bed by my hood. Ben’s noodle arms wrap around my waist and hold me tight. ‘’Dude-!’’ this is getting a little tOO HOMO-EROTIC, BENNY BOY.

‘’Stay.’’ he murmurs. ‘’I wanna keep an eye on you.’’

‘’Why?’’ I snarl. ‘’Because I’m a stupid kid that can’t look after himself?! Huh?!’’

Ben flinches. ‘’Jeff-’’ he murmurs. ‘’It’s not that I don’t trust you it’s because I know that you need the company right now.’’ he frowns. ‘’Just- lemme keep an eye on you, alright…?’’

Fuck.

Fuck.

fuuuuUUUUUCK.

Why does he CARE SO MUCH. I HATE IT. I’m gonna slam my head into a wall. Gimme a minute.

…

Okay wall slamming accomplished. Back to my predicament. 

‘’Fine.’’ I grunt. He (unfortunately) lets go of me. It’s silent. And uncomfortable. I pick at my fingers. He tilts his head at me.

‘’So- anything you wanna do?’’

I wanna hug you and kiss you and tell you I love you please Ben I’m gay and homophobic at the same time. ‘’Not really.’’

Ben puts a hand on my shoulder and scoots closer. He rests his hand on my other shoulder and...oh god I can fucking smell his hair from here- that’s creepy. Why am I creepy. Actually don’t answer that one. He looks up at me, bright blue eyes shining with kindness. ‘’You wanna talk about it…?’’ he asks gently. Normally I wouldn’t talk about my problems. Ever. But Ben is giving me puppy dog eyes.

‘’...I’m just thinking about mom and dad.’’ I mumble. He nods. ‘’They- treated me like shit. And I keep thinking about the shit they’d say to me-’’ I look down at him. He nods encouragingly. ‘’It’s like...they fucking hated me for all the shit I did- and now I’m here and people are understanding? And Slender- is actually trying to learn why I’m like this? Like- diagnosing me and shit to try and help…’’ I frown. ‘’And I’m just thinking like- if they’d sent me to a therapist would it be different? If I’d just gotten diagnosed or something-’’ I shake my head. ‘’I dunno man…’’

He sits up a bit. He hugs me, pulling me against him. My face goes fucking red. ‘’Maybe things would’ve…’’ he murmurs. ‘’But we can’t change the past...there’s no magic ocarina to take us back in time unfortunately.’’ of course he made a zelda reference. Of course. ‘’We just gotta accept what we got now,’’ he smiles. ‘’And we got each other, right? That’s something to be happy about, isn’t it?’’

Oh god Jeff don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. Not here. Not in front of the man you love. 

…

And you’re crying. Good job Jeff.

I’m not a loud crier. But I am a gross crier. I get all snotty and stuttery and can’t get my voice out properly. Tears prick at the corners of my eyes and silently roll down my gross scarred face. Ben reaches over and brushes them off with cold fingers. He feels cold as he hugs me but I don’t care. I wrap an arm around him and tug him closer. I can feel his breath on my neck as he gently shushes me. He sounds so caring, so...loving. Like a parent should treat their mentally ill kid. 

‘’B-ben-’’ I stammer out. He’s rubbing circles in my back. ‘’I lo-’’ wait what am I saying. ‘’I l-love-’’ WAIT HOLD ON- ‘’I love you…’’

SHIT

FUCK

NO

WAIT-

He hugs me tight and I shiver in the coldness of his body. ‘’I love you too…’’ his voice is soft and gentle. I believe him. I believe that he loves me. Genuinely- like I actually matter to him. He’d miss me if I was gone. And that- that’s a lot. I’ve spent my whole life feeling like it wouldn’t matter if I disappeared off the face of the earth. You wouldn’t care, my parents wouldn’t have cared. But Ben? Ben cares…

Which is why I proceed to squeeze the life (or lack thereof) out of him and sob into his shoulder. He holds me tight until I’ve (kinda) calmed down. He pulls away and tilts my head up to look at him. As gentle and as loving as I’d dreamed him, he wipes tears out of my eyes. I sob horsley and stare at him. He cups my face in his cold hands and smiles down at me.

‘’There you go…’’ he murmurs. ‘’See? I knew you just needed to get it out.’’ he smiles at me. I just- told him I love him. And he’s not making a big deal of it. That’s good, right?? That means he accepts me- right?

Right...yeah. Yeah, Ben accepts me. Ben doesn’t judge. 

‘’Yeah…’’ I gulp and look away from him awkwardly. ‘’Hey uh- do you wanna-’’ I fiddle with my hands again. ‘’Do you wanna...watch a movie or something? Together.’’

He nods and smiles. ‘’I’d love to.’’

And so- we end up watching not one, not two, but three movies, late into the night. And the entire time he’s curled up in my lap, comfy as can be. As the credits on our last movie roll, he looks up at me.

‘’Hey Jeff?’’

‘’Yeah?’’

‘’I love you.’’

My face goes bright fucking red. I don’t need to see it, I can feel it. I bury my face in my hands out of embarrassment. I hear him laugh at me like the bastard he is. I shoot him a glare from in between my fingers. I want to say it. I really do. I want to tell him I love him back but- it’s- it’s hard. He reaches up and pulls one of my hands away, letting him see me.

‘’You don’t have to say it back. It’s okay. I know.’’ He hugs my waist and rests his head against my chest. ‘’I can wait...until you’re ready.’’

It’s at this point I start crying. Again. 

Ben shushes me gently and runs his hand through my hair. And...as I looked down at him- it finally clicked. I don’t have to put the shield up- not around him. Ben is different. Ben...Ben is good.

Yeah.

Ben is good.

I guess...the reason why I’m telling you this- well...not telling, I guess- writing. The reason why I’m writing this is because...I feel like it’s something important. I need to remember it because...it’s a step. A step in me learning to accept myself. It sounds corny yeah but- fuck off okay? I’m full of trauma and insecurities. I’m allowed be a little sappy.

I don’t know who’ll end up reading this- I mean I’m literally scribbling it into a notebook I found in his drawer. There’s only two people who I really want this to be seen by. Ben, because he deserves to know how much he’s affected and helped me, and two...my brother. Though I doubt he’d ever find this- heh- 

I...love Ben. And that’s okay. At least- to me, I think it is.

[stressed-crow]

i didnt exactly get tagged, but @lieberts​ said the “whoever wants to do it” thing (like 4 moths ago but i just found it in my likes) so here i goooo

also i tag @krchov​ @cowardlylearningtobebrave​ @feathereddamsel​ @gruntie​ and @luwucifer-s​ but like, only very vaguely. feel free not to~

1. MUSIC TAG MEME 

Rules: Post your first twenty songs in a playlist on shuffle

Mama (My Chemical Romance)

Stigma (BTS)

Man Who Sold The World (Nirvana)

End of Spring (ONEWE)

Love Maze (BTS)

I’m so afraid (Holland)

Dear my friend (agustd)

O-O-H Child (The Five Stairsteps)

Go Go (BTS)

Time is Running out (The Muse)

Movement (Hozier)

Les Passants (Zaz)

The Witching Hour (ODJBOX)

Feelings (Hayley Kiyoko)

0X1=LOVESONG (txt)

YAYAYA (Stray Kids)

Empire (Of Mice and Men)

Problems (Mother Mother)

Question (Stray Kids)

Kill Your Heroes (AWOLNATION)

(i do not take any criticism on my music taste, least of all a costructive one)

2. Rules: MAKE A NEW POST, bold what applies to you and tag whoever you want to get to know better.

APPEARANCE 

I’m an I-need-to-pull-the-driver-seat-all-the-way-in kind of a person // i wear glasses or contacts // i have blonde hair // i prefer loose clothing to tight clothing  // i have one or more piercings // i have at least one tattoo  // i have blue eyes // i have dyed or highlighted my hair // i have gotten plastic surgery // i have or had braces // i sunburn easily // i have freckles // i paint my nails // i wear makeup // i don’t often smile // i am pleased with how I look // I prefer nike to adidas // i wear baseball hats backward

HOBBIES & TALENTS 

i play a sport // i can play an instrument  // i am artistic  // i know more than one language // i have won a trophy in some sort of competition // i can cook or bake without a recipe // i know how to swim // i enjoy writing // i can do origami // i prefer movies to tv shows // i can execute a perfect somersault // i enjoy singing // i could survive in the wild on my own (if it was like... chill wildreness. i mean i can get a fire going and shit like that i cant fistfight a bear or whatever) // i have read a new book series this year // i enjoy spending time with friends // i travel during school or work breaks // i can do a handstand

RELATIONSHIPS 

i am in a relationship // i have a crush // i have a best friend i have known for ten years // my parents are together // i have dated my best friend // i am adopted // my crush has confessed to me // i have a long-distance relationship // i am an only child // i give advice to my friends // i have made an online friend // i met up with someone i have met online

AESTHETIC 

i have heard the ocean in a conch shell // i have watched the sunrise // i enjoy rainy days // i have slept under the stars // i meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // i enjoy the smell of the beach // i know what snow tastes like // i listen to music to fall asleep // i enjoy thunderstorms // i enjoy cloud watching // i have attended a bonfire // i pay close attention to colors // i find mystery in the ocean (i dont like it tho the sea scares me) // i enjoy hiking on nature paths // autumn is my favourite season

MISC 

i can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // i am the mom friend // i live by a certain quote // i like the smell of sharpies // i am involved in extracurricular activities // i enjoy mexican food // i can drive a stick-shift  // i believe in true love // i make up scenarios to fall asleep // i sing in the shower // i wish i lived in a video game // i have a canopy above my bed // i am multiracial // i am a redhead // i own at least one dog // i have a cat ---------

3. THIS OR THAT TAG GAME (1)

sage green or baby blue | moon or stars | paperback or hardback | piercings or tattoos (i want a new one... both piercing and tattoo) | drawing or writing | saturn or jupiter | line without a hook or mr. loverman (what does this mean??) | ancient greece or ancient egypt | prague (yo i live here thats wild) or amsterdam | dark academia or light academia | indie aesthetic or cottagecore | stargazing or late night drives | strawberries or watermelons | rings or necklaces | extrovert or introvert | dragons or griffins | ocean or mountain | silver or gold | dawn or dusk | creative or free spirit | early bird or night owl | cook or bake | dagger or sword ---------

4. THIS OR THAT TAG GAME (2)

indoor plants or gardens // cloud-watching or star-gazing // water or fire // paperback or hardcover // running or hiking // sleeping with socks or without socks // fruit or vegetables // hanging plants or succulents // dark wood or light wood // handwritten or typed // instagram or pinterest (i dont do either) // braids or pigtails // books or movies // oceans or meadows // forests or fields // sweet or salty // ice cream or chocolate // hoodies or sweaters // long hair or short hair // piercings or tattoos (new!! both!!) // summer or winter (both suck) // boots or sneakers // cars or motorcycles // curls or straight hair // castles or cottages // sunny days or storms // reptiles or birds // disney or nickelodeon (am european) // strawberries or watermelon (im using this opportunity to pick the other one yes) // essays or posters // phones or laptops // glass or stone // dark or light // photos or paintings // circuses or theaters // reading or writing // dogs or cats // poetry or novels // monsters or ghosts // thrift shops or libraries // fiction or non-fiction

5. Post one picture from my camera roll (no new downloads) to sum up my personality! u get two bcs they are v good

6. 30 QUESTIONS TAG GAME 

RULES: Answer 30 questions and tag others

Name/Nickname: lucy 

Gender: female 

Star Sign: leo

Height: 170 cm 

Time: 22:04 

Birthday: july 1  IS WHAT I WROTE INITIALLY bcs i cant fucking read and thought it just said “date” lol anyway its 11th of August

Favorite Bands: bts, stray kids :)

Favorite Solo Artists: sunmi, taemin :) and hozier i cant betray him 

Song stuck in my head: la la la la vie en rose

Last Movie: def some horror movie but i forget which lol

Last Show: probably the untamed lmaooo did not even finnish it 

When did I create this blog: december 2013 apparently 

What do I post: kpop babey 

Last thing googled: i gotta fact check lots of shit for work so probs smting sports related (but make no mistake i dont know a single thing abt sports) 

Other blogs: what for i dump everything here

Do I get asks: no

Why I chose my url: self-explanatory

Following: 100

Followers: ???

Average hours of sleep: about 8 hours 

Instruments: none 

What am I wearing: pink pajama shorts with kitties, black shirt torn beyond decent wearability and this dark green... jacket,,, hoodie...thing.

Dream job: village witch 

Dream trip: me @ japan: 

(i was supposed to go study there starting winter 2020 :) im abt to lose my fucking mind :) so yeah you get a dead meme for this) also new zealand, iceland, and going back to sweden sometime

Favorite food: pizza bithc its versatile, also cereal coz im a child

Nationality: czech (rip) 

Favorite song: black swan (bts), levanter (skz), take me to church (hozier), noir (sunmi) (those are from the top of my head current favs theres way more but here u go)

Last book read: MIMOZEMŠŤANÉ V ČECHÁCH (= aliens in czechia) by idk, some married couple thats probs wanted whatever xfiles had but low budget, its pure nonsense, best read of this year, dont regret a single second

 Top three fictional universes I’d like to live in: magnus archives bich i dont give a fuck; middle earth to blaze it with hobbits; i wanna be one of those lil shaky-head-tree-things in mononokehime

[ilkkawhat]

All the numbers. (If not all then pick and choose a handful to answer).

lol you’re really going for it anon, huh?? 😂 bless your heart. I’ll do all of them and then idk. if anybody wants to send any again, I’m sure I can have a different answer

(I did just answer 7 & 22 so I’ll leave those out. rest below the cut)

1) is there a story you’re holding off on writing for some reason?

I guess if you count all of my active WIPs that have been sitting dormant for months or years, there’s those since I like. I know what I’m doing in pretty much all of them, just as I know what I’m doing in some of my unpublished WIPs, but I think I just need to be in a certain mood/energy to do certain ones (ie, Agony esp is a very heavy fic so I gotta be able to Deal with that)

2) what work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?

I deleted those 😂😂😂 but some of my reeeeeealllllly old stuff is still out there and I cringe thinking about that and though I could easily delete those too, I’m keeping them just since the harddrive that has the docs for it is corrupted lol

3) what order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?

Just all over the place these days tbh. Even chapter to chapter it’ll change, I’ll write snippets in future chapters--and I’m talking like three or four chapters ahead--just to get it out there. But then there’s other days where I’ll sit and just write and not stop.

4) favorite character you’ve written

Nick Stokes, of course 💜💜💜

5) character you were most surprised to end up writing

Any of the Macgyver characters outside of Jack. Cause though I’ll claim not to all the time, I do know that I know the CSI characters (though I’m surprised I’m able to write in their POVs outside of Nick.) I grew up with them. I have a bond with them. The mac characters? I’ve only known for like. two years now and not even that well anymore since I’ve stopped watching the show. 

6) something you would go back and change in your writing that it’s too late/complicated to change now

Expanding on details. Almost every fic I write, I’ll read it again later and be like “ah shit I should have run with this idea...” but I guess that’s how I can do a sequel/missing scene

8) favorite genre to write

hurt/comfort (emphasis on the hurt, really I mean we’re talking like borderline horror)

9) what, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

See I haven’t really honed in on any one particular thing that inspires me to write. It comes out of nowhere, and the following list of things doesn’t like, always work. When I’m listening to a song. When I’m driving in the car. When I’m watching something unrelated to the source material (totes got some inspiring vibes watching Falcon and The Winter Soldier yesterday tbh lmao) When I dream. When I go on a walk. When people send me asks and I just go the fuck off and suddenly ten chapters later I’m writing a fic that they probably didn’t even want (coughSpecimenStokescough)

10) write in silence or with background noise? with people or alone?

I think the last couple times I’ve like, really written it’s been in silence. Definitely alone. Don’t got people to write around, really lmao (unless you count my parents being in other rooms with obnoxiously loud televisions and tablets)

11) what aspect of your writing do you think has most improved since you started writing?

All of it. And I’m sure it’ll keep improving.

12) your weaknesses as an author

Dialogue. I don’t know how people talk 😂

13) your strengths as an author

Detail, description, and I also like to think--emotion? but idk. It’s hard for me to assess my strength tbh

14) do you make playlists for your current wips?

Oh YES! At least for the longer WIPs like Last Breath or Agony. And listen to it on a loop when I’m trying to brainstorm or write if I want to write with music on. I’ve been starting to link the playlists when I’m doing with the fic (which is not many so far)

(I think Hellbound is the only one-shot I made a playlist for that I didn’t share)

15) why did you start writing?

I honestly can’t remember, cause I think I’ve been writing stories (fan fiction or not) ever since I was in middle school?? Maybe even elementary? But I do feel like I had gotten more encouragement for it than drawing from the few people in my life that did actively cheer me on, and there’s just something about writing that is so...fulfilling? Esp since I can’t like. Just manifest the images or make the “movie” in my head, at least I can write them down and hopefully convey what I see/feel in my mind through words.

16) are there any characters who haunt you?

All my neglected OCs lmao. I did and I guess on some level still do want to make an original series.

In a chilling way Veronica also haunts me cause I realize how much of that like, darkness in myself I put in her. 

And Nick, well, he’s just always on my mind.

17) if you could give your fledgling author self any advice, what would it be?

Just fucking go for it! Don’t give a shit if anybody will read it or not. Take your time, flesh out those details. Describe what you see, what they see, what they feel. 

If you think you’re going too far...you’re not. 

keep going

18) were there any works you read that affected you so much that it influenced your writing style? what were they?

I mean any fan fiction I read in the past has probably influenced me on some level. I know that when I came back to CSI in 2018, reading all of kristen999′s nick whump def encouraged me cause I was like “oh...there’s others like me who like to see him hurt!?!?” and I do think that maybe sometimes after I read a fic, I might like. Try to incorporate those styles I see. The way words are described, sentences constructed. Not like, copy of course but I feel like a long time ago my writing wasn’t really idk, novel-like? very short, almost read like a script whereas now, since I’ve seen the way people write their stories (some novel length stories, too), I flesh mine out a lot more.

19) when it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?

I don’t 😂 Thinking of my bigger projects like Agony, I do just kind make up some of it as I go with a rough outline although sometimes it is a bit more detailed--like First Flight actually has a super detailed outline but I know that once I start writing, something might come up, some twist I didn’t think of before--or even one that somebody suggests to me, but idk I feel like I do have a way of tying everything together regardless? Cause especially with those bigger WIPs I will try to go back and re-read if something seems familiar or if I’ve forgotten a detail, or if I’m planning on diving back into it after a long break from it. 

20) do you write in long sit-down sessions or in little spurts?

Depends. I feel more accomplished with the long sit down sessions so I target that, but lately it’s been little spurts with maybe one big dump at the end of the week.

21) what do you think when you read over your older work?

Mostly cringe, but there are times I’m like “holy shit this is really good???” 

like I remember recently I re-read Agony and loved it, when I wanted to delete it maybe like. a week before that. I think it honestly depends on my frame of mind, and why I’m going back to read the fic? Cause I’ve had times where I’m like “wait what was this one?” and then I read it and laugh at how bad it is, but then other times where I’m like, “I wanna read that one fic I did...” and then I do and it makes me happy.

But, I will always kinda criticize at the same time--”aw, I could do this better, I could have expanded on this,” etc

23) any obscure life experiences that you feel have helped your writing?

My life is suuuuuuper boring so. not really lmao. One of my earliest CSI fics that actually created what I consider to be my number one OC (she’d be the lead in that original series I mentioned earlier) came out of me sitting and staring into a campfire lmao. 

also there was this teacher I had (one of those good IRL supports) that told me a story of something that happened to her (or was it her daughter?) and I turned it into a story (back in my teen days) so. I guess there are somethings. 

24) have you ever become an expert on something you previously knew nothing about, in order to better a scene or a story?

Expert? No. But I will do numerous google searches to try and figure some stuff out and get lost in a rabbit hole of “research” for a while and hope that when I do write it, it comes off as I know what I’m doing when really, I do not lol.

25) copy/paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud of

haven’t really written much in this past week, and certainly nothing to be proud of, but this line hit me like a ton of bricks for Specimen Stokes and I’m in love with it:

“Because, my dear specimen, I wanted to see if you loved the danger...or if you loved me.”

[shibalen]

[1/3] Hi~ May I pls request a Magi + KnY romantic male matchup? I'm a 5'0 hetero fem. I love to draw & sing especially! (I sing opera & I wanna be a voice teacher) I often take endless pics of the sunset and sea bc it's so pretty. I dislike bossy ppl. Quirk: I have a red birthmark on my arm shaped like Alaska lol! To strangers, I'm quiet, shy, friendly, and kind of a loner bc I'm rlly awkward (plus I value my time alone) I easily open up to funny ppl tho.

[2/3] In private, I'm more chill, funny & playful, especially w/ family. I can joke around them a lot. I have a short temper but I forgive just as quickly. I tend to smile or laugh a lot if I'm feeling embarrassed, sometimes I feel stupid for doing so :( I can be hard on myself yet I feel it's necessary to improve. I'm an appreciative person so I'll say thank you like 1000 times lol! I like to be straightforward in relationships even tho I still may be shy. I highly value family & honesty.

[3/3] I'd prefer a s/o who is family-oriented, devoted & genuine. It'd be great if they have a sense of humor too! I'd be the type to sing softly to my s/o while we're alone and close together. Maybe try to lull them to sleep, hehe! Thank you so much! Sorry it was so long, please take your time! I appreciate your hard work! Stay safe and healthy!! (*´︶`*)ﾉ"=͟͟͞͞♡

♡︎ matchup for @ne-nene-ne

bonjour! omg we sound so much alike? idk maybe it's just me? hehe

anyhowdies, thank you for your patience and popping up in my notifications so often! here is your mauchup~

|| magi: i match you with . . .

koumei ren

• since Koumei is not fond of loud and lively people, he would love all of your qualities! you're quiet but still easy to get along with, playful but value family as much as he. someone as well-balanced is a good match for him.

• he completely understands the habit of being hard on oneself. i feel like he's like that as well (hence all those hours of work) while he can appreciate your need to improve, he never fails to check up on you, ensuring you're not being overly critical of yourself.

• you wish he could do the same for himself because the words 'enough sleep' and 'self care' do not apparently belong into this man's vocabulary. you gotta gently remind him to eat and take a bath.

• also pls lull him to sleep, he needs it. all those late nights planning military strategies have done their part so your heavenly voice is the only thing that can put him at ease.

• you can just be talking and he already finds himself relaxing.

• he's eternally grateful to you for coming into his life ♡︎

• Komei is incredibly devoted and would never dream of betraying you. if he comes back late, know he was not out doing anything unfaithful but once again got emerged in planning tactics.

• he knows you get angry at him sometimes for it so he will try to make it up to you by any means!

• your first meeting was at an arranged marriage. your arranged marriage. it was something neither of you wanted at first and honestly it was pretty awkward with both of you being more reserved (ーー;)

• it wasn't until you bumped into each other in the drawing room that you began talking about your shared interests and growing closer.

• since then drawing became reserved for spending quality time together and relaxing.

• Koumei got a tad insecure though when he realised he had fallen in love with you although you were already married. he knew he was inferior when it came to appearances and quite sloppy in mannerisms compared to his brothers, poor thing.

• thankfully you caught onto that quite quickly and reassured him you loved him just the way he was ♡( ◡‿◡ )

• for someone so smart Koumei had no idea what to do except stand there with butterflies in his stomach and heart warming up so much the heat reached to his cheeks.

• he may appear like a gentleman, but once you've gotten past that layer you'll find out he has quite the sense of humor.

• you can joke around with him all you want as long as it's about nothing too inappropriate. you should also expect some light-hearted teasing, hehe

• i'm sorry to say this but occasionally your height will be targeted, he can't help but rest his hand on your head. it's cute, it's vulnerable, it's free real estate!

• if you get annoyed by this he'll just feign innocence . . .

• "could you stop using me as your armrest?"

• "armrest? what are you talking about? i am simply expressing my love for you through physical affection, my dear :)"

• more than teasing though, Koumei likes complimenting you. he will ruffle your hair affectionately, tell you what a good job you've done, how pretty you you look. you might think it's just flattery but rest assured all of these come from his heart!

• look no further because Koumei will use his status to show you the most beautiful sceneries in Kou.

• sunsets from high towers, a wide view of the ocean from imperial ships. when you've got a bit more time he'll carry you through the skies at twilight with his djin equip.

• sneaky bastard might just do a few stunts to have you cling onto him tighter (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

• he prefers staying indoors during his free time so he'd be more than happy to listen to you practice opera singing.

• sometimes he goes outside to feed pidgeons and invites you along. those are such peaceful moments when you can talk about your worries or just admire how nice the weather is.

• Koumei lowkey prays you won't get into fights with Kouen or Kouha because they're both really bossy and you have a short temper.

• but because family is important for them as well, you'll learn to get by. he's so happy.

• though when will you start to think about having your own family? that's a question for later date because at the moment all Koumei wants is to live a happy, comfortable life with you ♡︎

runner up: Alibaba Saluja

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

|| kimetsu no yaiba: i match you with . . .

tanjirō kamado

• you guys have such matching sweetheart energies that i had to put you together!

• you also have the same values of family and honesty which makes your relationship all the stronger. you both respect each other and there is nothing but trust in your communication.

• your first meeting happened when you were teamed up together for a mission along with Zenitsu and Inosuke. Zenitsu immediately, of course, got googly eyed for you and feral boy Inosuke wanted to fight you.

• you started feeling awkward with so much going on but Tanjirō quickly got them to give you space.

• he approached you so kindly, understanding you were shy in this new situation.

• it took little time for you to open up to the Kamaboko gang, seeing as how bizarre they are, but Tanjirō was special from the beginning. needless to say, he was curious about you as well |ω-o)

• you two hit it off so well and continued to hang out after the mission. he never pressured you to talk and his patience felt almost godsent. with every new bit he learnt about you Tanjirō found himself becoming more and more enamoured with you.

• he finds your playful yet relaxed mannerisms so pleasant. you're like his sanctuary whenever he needs a break from the restless world around him. he knows he can tell you everything and anything and you'll listen.

• Tanjirō absolutely loves pampering you! you're such a lovely person that all he wants is to make sure you receive back all the positivity that you spread around.

• he won't judge you for your short temper, i mean he's friends with Inosuke after all. he'll only ever look at you with sweet, loving eyes.

• if you do have a small argument, you both end up apologising a million times and laughing cause neither of you will stop saying sorry. it's the cutest thing.

• Tanjirō is a bit on the serious side, and it's canon that he's insecure about the trait. it would be so wholesome if you taught him how to loosen up and joke around!

• he'd be clumsy at it at first but gradually get the hang of it.

• his jokes would still be so bad, poor child. you think it's really adorable though and laugh anyway ♡︎

• that proud twinkle in his eyes when he sees he succeeded making you smile is just— asdfghjk so full of love

• will assure you there is never anything wrong with laughing or smiling. your laugh is one of the most beautiful sounds to him so be prepared for a lot of silly jokes.

• please teach this boy to draw, i'm begging

• you and Nezuko are basically like siblings already. Tanjirō's heart swells every time he finds you with Nezuko, braiding her hair, singing to her or even simply giving her headpats.

• it's during times like those especially that he knows he wants to spend the rest of his life together with you.

• won't not brag about it aloud but Tanjirō likes he's the only person that get to hear you sing (aside from Nezuko) it's like your little secret, something that's reserved for him alone

• Zenitsu always grits his teeth seeing what lovebirds you are. though you were both a little shy about it at first, there is almost always some physical affection between you: hand holding, leaning against each other, cute, fluttering kisses.

• his favourite places to kiss you are your forehead and lips. he may get a bit flustered if you do it to him though but that's because he's so happy ♡︎

• !sharing cool scar/birthmark stories!

• "see, it looks like Alaska!"

• ". . . what's an Alaska? is it an animal?"

• "no, it's a land, silly. a very faraway land."

• "oh, i see! we should go there together some day. it'll be great!"

• your dates include many walks and picnics in the forest. he wants to show you all the best views of sunsets and oceans there are!

• i know this sounds corny but Tanjirō will 100% gaze at you instead while you're admiring the scenery. your reaction is just so precious and you look absolutely stunning in the soft light. you can't really blame him for being smitten ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

• he will remind you every day how dear you are to him. with daily but meaningful displays of affection, Tanjirō lets you know he will never leave your side ♡︎

runner up: Kyōjuro Rengoku

i hope you enjoyed! i admit i haven't seen magi in ages so i don't know how well it turned out ㆆ﹏ㆆ but thank you for the kind wishes, and make sure to take time off to breathe ♡︎

[onthevirgeofdestruction]

So I've been reading your fics for a while and it recently occurred to me, how would the painful death crew handle the events of break? Would it pan out the same way or do you think it would go down slightly different?

How would the PD Crew handle Break? As in one of them is Break!Virgil or as in being around when shit goes down? 

I’ve got Ram (PD!Remus but make it a fictive) here with me so... 

Ram: 1,Dante is a chill bro, and I stan them. We have the same music tastes and Dante is kind of amazing, anyway. I would die for polterdante/j 2, I would have ab-fucking-ducted Break!Virgil and/or PD!Virgil from that situation if I was around it if I didn’t fucking snap and try to kill Zillah for doing it. Like how does anyone not have the biggest fucking mental breakdown of their lives when they find that shit out? Rem says ‘same’. 

The thing about Vesper(PD!Virgil) is that if he was in Dante’s(Break!Virgil) situation, he might also put up with it until he found a safe way out. I mean I’ve met Zillah and the dude is kind of sneaky. He’s really nice with the kids and acts really normal other than murdering Dante on main on a fucking regular basis, giving me weird second-hand trauma? Dae says he regrets not going more into how Zillah acts in public vs. private? “At the beginning of the story they were at point of their relationship Zillah was isolating Virgil, so there wasn’t much opportunity to do so, but it would have enhanced the dismal atmosphere and shown more ways abusers isolate their victims.” 

Anyway, Ves in particular would have run off, eventually. He’s not great at finding red flags but he believes takes his friend’s word for it and would be more likely to listen to Logan when he notices things weren’t right. He’d run off without asking for help and just meet up his friends later like “my name’s jared i’m 19 and i’m now fucking homeless”. Rem would have thrown a bitch fit and started a fight. He would have gotten out of it bruised but got out nonetheless. He only tolerates that shit from his dad because minors don’t have many rights (Also just Rem’s ex-dad’s job). I think I’d be the most at-risk in that situation because stress obviously fucks up my mental state and I won’t make great judgment calls. Dante only hallucinates in the sensory dep thing. I, on the other hand, hallucinate all the fucking time and trust me that it’s really easy to let the delusions suck you up if you don’t have someone who can ground you. The delusions might of left me stuck in that situation for life. Oof. Vesper could have gotten me out, though, but I’m not allowed to go into why. Damien would have called the police on Zillah or fucking leave before he got in too deep. He’s just smart and capable like that. Dorjan (Break!Janus) was only in it for a few months before he fucked right out of that abusive relationship. I don’t think Damien would let a single thing pass, he’s got a serious amount of self-respect. Also, D’s parents are very nice. Part of Dante’s shit is his upbringing with his parents giving them a bad impression of how people should treat each other. And that’s not spoilers, it touches on it in the video call chapter.

My brother is a fucking flake but it is 5 in the morning so maybe he gets a free pass for not answering on his half of the cast. Something-something crying, I guess. Roan(Ro) might also be kind of at-risk since he really needs people to like him on a kind of dangerous level sometimes. I think Kal(Pat) and Liam(Logan) wouldn’t tolerate being in that situation as long as Dante did. Kal’s parents are actually decent and he knows red flags, and Liam is basically always looking for red flags. Paranoid little dude sometimes. They’re pretty ride-or-die for each other so they’d probably fight to get each other free, too. 

I agree with Break!Logan in that the only proper response to that situation is to get a spiked baseball bat and go ham. Though the security system on that house is extra and the narrative game for break kind of goes through why most of those options are a bad fucking plan. Poor Dante’s got it bad, even now. 

If we were backing up Dante we’d be rolling up with fucking swords and sweet, sweet dragon magic to take Zillah’s ass down. And Maybe also take Dante down to check them into residential. Imagine that conversation, though, right? “Hey dude we’re from another universe and this guy’s been abused and tortured for two years, please assist” and then we just fuck off back to our own dimension. Wild. Dae says he refuses to write crossovers, so my answers are technically “noncanon”, but I have a pretty good fucking idea, okay? Okay. He’s letting me answer because I’m answering “as an alter”, blah blah blah. IDK like I know Ruy and Ras aren’t old enough to read Break but I’d be interested in an adult Dreaming!Roman in that situation? I mean he’s tolerated some shit but those little fucks are creative and will likely do something completely over the top to get roman out because you know Ras would be like “are you serious with me get the hell out of there”. Maybe they’d somehow get the fucking plea vampires up in there??? You know Tempest and D aren’t letting Zillah get out of that alive. 

I’ve read Break and like what the fuck Dae but honestly we been knew that he’s a sick son of a bitch so that’s not news. Rebuild is wild as shit, too, have fun with that, guys. Daeram says it’s “difficult to edit because of the nuance of Dante’s situation”, but there’s a lot of chapters already.

Anyway, rephrase the question if I didn’t answer it right and maybe I can try again. Or whoever, I’m just the PD fuck that fronts the most lately because I’m supporting my bro Steve’s gay shenanigans.

Vesper wants everyone to know he will ascend to a new dimension when the Among Us update comes out and wants to play it with everyone ever. Also if anyone is willing to play the Arsonist mod with us until then, we’d love that. Hit us up on the server.

Ayri again and oh rain two ADHDers confronted and ascended to a place where time doesn’t matter but now the sun is going to fucking rise. I put in the fictive’s sources because Ram always calls them by their new names and pronouns. hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh just adding that yes Daeram doesn’t believe in doing crossovers for our AU’s but the fictives interact from time to time and they certainly don’t mind answering questions about that stuff. Dae’ll stop them if spoilers. Fictives don’t front super often but like most of my asks sit in the box for months anyway because tumblr keeps not alerting me they exist. I’ll get to the other asks I found tomorrow if I remember. I think Ram kind of went overboard but he stands by what he said so whatever have fun with it? 

[judesstfrancis]

so I was late to asking u things and I don't want u to have to repeat yourself so answer all the questions in the thing that you haven't already answered thank u 😌

the way I had to pull out my laptop to answer these bc I couldn’t keep them straight on my phone clipboard................ fdskjfsdkj I think I’m gonna put most of these under a read more so they don’t take up too much dash space. thank u!! <3

zinc white; how are you really feeling today? no one-word answers please!

honestly I’m great! it is currently almost 2 in the morning but my day was nice, I got some new clothes, did my laundry, made a good dinner...good vibes all around, loving it for me rn

yellow ochre; name an artist/band whom you just discovered & can’t get enough of!

I haven’t really listened to a lot of new music lately dkfjskj I think the most recent new artist I started listening to was orville peck?? but that was back in like february

naples yellow; where do you feel most at home?

uhh when I’m at home. yes I’m a homebody <3

raw sienna; with whom do you feel most at home? 

truly it’s with the thots I just feel so at ease

golden ochre; describe the relationship you have with your closest friend.

it’s just easy, u know? like no matter what we’re doing, even if we’re just vibing on our own together, it’s nice. I can tell them absolutely anything and it’s not weird and I don’t have to force it out at all

cadmium orange; what do you like to do on your days off?

ok first I always see if any of my friends are busy fkdjsfkj and if they aren’t I see if they wanna just chill or w/e but otherwise just like. turning some music up and sitting in my room with a book/a couple movies I love is ideal for me on a day off. I am very simple I just like to chill

orange lake; do you have anyone you can turn to when you’re sad?

yes! there are two whole people in this world that I spill absolutely everything to bc I trust them with my life and esp when I’m sad bc they always make me feel better. talking to them when I’m having A Day is like I vent and instantly I am normal again. they know who they are I’m sure but for transparency’s sake, it’s u (robin) and maya, no one else gets to unlock my tragic backstories <3

titans; do you prefer slow mornings or relaxing evenings? 

relaxing evenings!

shakhnazaryan red; are you currently binge-watching anything? 

actually I am currently rewatching cycles 1 through 22 of america’s next top model, I’m on like cycle 5 rn I think. having the time of my life, thanks for asking

red ochre; are you more right-brained (creative) or left-brained (analytical)?

I am very much more into creative endeavors, like work-wise, but I feel like the way I think about things is much more analytical. like I prefer Making things, writing or various crafts or what have u, but even when I create I think about the things I’m doing like analytically?? so ig left-brained

burnt sienna; is there a painting that brings you peace when you look at it? 

boy with squirrel by john singleton copley. I love him

english red; what animal do you relate to most?

interesting question! I have no idea. maybe birds? like a finch, maybe. they seem like they have fun

cadmium red; do you have a “type” when it comes to a significant other? 

this one is hard for me to answer bc like. I truly have no idea what a “type” is idk if that’s an ace thing or what. no? maybe? all the people I’ve had crushes on have been vastly different, in terms of like physical looks so probably not actually. I’m not attracted to muscular people tho bc I don’t think they have feelings <3

carmine; what does your ideal second date look like?

once again I have never pictured a date. I just want to hold hands! I think for the ideal first date question I said it just had to be going somewhere where we could Do things together, like walking around a museum or going through shops downtown or something, and that does still apply here, but for the sake of shaking it up, uhh...idk maybe staying in and watching a movie. like not at a theater no one needs to know my business like that but like. at a House. whoever’s, I’m not picky, again ideally I just want to hold hands.

madder lake red; would you ever kiss someone (or accept a kiss) on a first date?

yes. literally if the first thing u do is kiss me I am okay with it. I’m 23 someone just take the shot and kiss me already I’m going crazy over here

quinacridone rose; what’s something you’re really looking forward to? 

really looking forward to the holidays personally I got everyone some really good gifts this year and I can’t wait to hand them out. also my copy of 13 storeys is supposed to finally ship out this week, for real this time! so that’s exciting too

violet rose; what does your dream house look like? 

u know that idealized house with the yellow paint and the white trim? yes. just small and cute and homey

violet; is there any place in particular you’d like to settle down? 

I guess not?? I’d like to be somewhere near my mom bc she’s important to me but like. as long as I’m living with someone I love it doesn’t really matter where I don’t think

blue lake; what would you like to do/accomplish before you settle down?

uh. settling down to me equates to like falling in love and living together so honestly that could happen any time. I need to get a job before we live together so I can like Help Out but like. really any time

cobalt blue spectral; what is the most beautiful place you have ever been to?

I have not been to a lot of places! I’ve been to new york, and san diego, and like. phoenix outside of where I live so. actually if I can include like buildings in places I would like to say that one opera house I went to in new york. I learned I wasn’t a fan of operas BUT I also learned those chandeliers were cool as hell

ultramarine; when was the last time you were in a good mood? do you know/remember what sparked it?

I’m usually in a good mood, I think? my baseline mood is genuinely just like. happy/chill, pero I think the last time I felt Euphoria (tm) was a couple days ago when my mom and I made a really nice dinner together and my brother was there and we just played board games all night

blue; what’s the most recent dream you remember?

I have this recurring habit of waking up from dreams but only barely so when I fall back asleep it feels like I just woke up within the dream? anyway the last one was like that but in one of the times I ‘woke up’ I looked out the window and instead of outside there was like this. static photo of buffalo grazing in open fields?? and it was like green screened kinda, so when I move the image moved with my line of sight it was weird. that’s how I knew it was a dream and woke myself up again, only to immediately fall back asleep and feel like I was waking up from a dream within a dream again

bright blue; what does your dream family look like? any kids or pets? how many of each?

I think living with friends would be cool. like I want to have a significant other I live with but also if we lived with other friends that would be fun. kids, maybe! would be something I’d have to discuss with whatever partner I have in the future. if yes to kids, max two. also I don't want babies, preferably I would adopt older children. pets absolutely, however many doesn’t matter. I’m open to just living in a house with the love of my life and like twelve dogs, that’s ok with me

blue cobalt; do you like your name? would you give yourself a different name if you could?

I do like my name! I think it’s nice and it feels like it fits me. I don’t think I’d change it ever, but if I did I think maybe I’d go with jude bc yes I do love to project <3

prussian azure; what’s your favorite scent?

it’s a tie between suntan lotion and the lumber aisle of any hardware store

azure blue; what’s your favorite type of tea, if any?

vanilla rooibos tea supremacy!

turquoise blue; if you could start a garden, what would you plant?

lots of flowers, first of all. also some kitchen herbs. maybe some fruits!

cerulean blue; if you were guaranteed to have a viewership, would you start a youtube vlog?

yes <3 I want to force people to listen to my pretentious horror opinions and get paid for it

glauconite; describe your body without using any negative adjectives.

look I just have to say it: I’m hot. last night I took a photo and saw my nose from the side and went “omg who IS she” like it’s cute. I’M cute. I’ve seen my ass in the mirror and nothing can top it, sorry

yellow green; picture yourself walking in a field. what do you see & hear in this scenario?

all I’m getting is those scenes from horror movies where eerie whistling starts and like birds start going crazy

green light; are you in a comfortable place in life? if not, what do you think might make it better?

I think so?? I’d like to be more financially secure, pero. I think for the most part yeah I’m alright

green; name three countries you want to visit; do you have any actual plans in place to visit any of them?

ireland and greece for sure, ireland is the one I have most planned out in my head. ig maybe england for the third one, just bc I know my mom wants to go and also I’m very bad at geography so I don’t know what counts as a country. I had to look all these up, I do want to visit them tho, genuinely! esp ireland

emerald green; do you speak any languages besides english? are there any additional languages you want to learn?

the one I’m most fluent in is spanish! and I’m still cracking along at russian, currently I can hold a conversation with like a 4 year old and we can understand each other, it’s pretty cool. I really wanna get into learning irish!! I have a few resources downloaded onto my phone I just haven’t gotten around to it yet

oxide of chromium; what’s your favorite book?

a little life <3 yes I hate it when things are sad just to be sad yes this is my favorite book I contain multitudes

mars brown; what’s a movie that always puts a smile on your face/makes you laugh?

the burbs! I’ve seen it so many times but it always hits

burnt umber; what’s something you plan to do before the day is over to take care of yourself?

the day IS over it’s like two thirty am now but uh. drink some water before I sleep probably

voronezhskaya black; what or who is your go-to outlet for when you need to vent?

I post the “kirby’s fucking pissed” meme on twitter and then I ask u (robin) if I can yell for like five minutes and then I feel valid and then I am normal again

payne’s gray; describe your aesthetic?

it’s a little bit jock and it’s a little bit 1980s skater boy but the best way I can really Describe it is just “gay”

[dirt-cup-draco]

Can i get the holiday prompts 1 and 14 with Bucky

Hell yeah! Idk how holiday-ish this is though :/ My brain ran away from me

“I should’ve told Tony to stick it up his grumpy ass when he asked me to come on this damn mission,” You grumbled, arms rubbing at your arms in a hopeless attempt to bring some warmth back to your body. It was an easy mission, or at least it was supposed to be. You supposed it still was, except for the fact you and Bucky were trapped without a way to communicate because you were so buried in the snow that any attempt to call for help resulted in static that only gave you a headache. 

“C’mon doll don’t be like that, he didn’t know we’d get snowed in like this,” Bucky reasoned and you rolled your eyes, pacing in the underground bunker that was only getting colder as time passed. 

“Buck, it’s winter. In Russia. It’s going to fucking snow,” 

“Language,” He warned. God he’d been around Steve too much. 

You gave him a grin and your middle finger. 

You sighed and paced, wishing that your body would kick into gear and just warm you up. You wanted to be in bed, with some Nat King Cole on, wearing fuzzy pajamas and drinking hot cocoa. You wanted to be decorating your Christmas tree that you’d abandoned for this mission. You wanted to be baking chocolate chip cookies and building gingerbread houses. But instead you were in an underground tin can with the Winter Soldier-or well, Bucky. You knew he wasn’t that person anymore. He never really had been. He was softer now, had kinder eyes. He’d gotten help, he’d found himself. Now if someone could come and find the two of you. 

With another grumpy huff you blew hot air onto your fingers, flexing them to get your blood pumping. You were feeling a little sluggish. Like the blood coursing through your veins had turned to slush, moving as slowly as it possibly could. In a frustrating moment of vulnerability you kicked the wall as hard as you could and then sagged to the floor, your forehead pressed against your knees as you pulled them up to your chest, your arms wrapping around your shins so you could comfort yourself. Bucky probably thought you were a fool.

You were emotional, you’d admit it. You could act rationally. Frustration was always around the corner for you and sometimes you could be childish. It’d taken many years for Tony to believe you were ready to be an Avenger. You understood why. When emotions ran high, people did stupid shit and that meant bad news for everyone else. But sometimes, you couldn’t help it. And no one was shooting at you so it was fine, right?

After a couple of minutes you heard Bucky slide down the wall next to you, his arm coming to rest heavy around your shoulders. Why was he so much warmer than you? You shivered and burrowed into his heat, lifting your head to find the crook of his neck, your forehead pressed against the warm skin. His back straightened for a moment before he relaxed but then he was shifting, sliding his arm under your legs as he tugged you into his lap. 

“You’re freezing, come here,” He stated, his flesh hand coming to rest on the back of your neck, pulling you tighter against him as you shook. You were going to bite back with “no shit sherlock” but he was being kind and this was the warmest you’d felt in hours so you wanted to play nice. Besides, you didn’t like being so snappy. You weren’t usually but you were very grumpy at the moment. Bucky was your friend, sort of. He was sometimes more, and sometimes it felt like he was less.

You often found yourself up late at night waiting for him to knock on your door, and he always did. He’d come in with tired, droopy eyes and an apologetic smile and youd let him crawl under the covers with you. You’d sometimes play with his long locks, braiding it or just running your fingers through the soft hair. Sometimes he asked you to sing even if it embarrassed you. And occasionally the two of you would drop your guards completely and his lips would find yours in the darkness and you’d be intertwined until the sun peaked up and bathed the world in pastel pinks and subtle oranges.

 The next day it would feel like nothing had happened. It’d just be soft smiles and casual conversations. No touching, no speaking of anything from the night before. Any conversation had would be forgotten. Any touch given freely would now be off limits. You had come to hate the morning and love the nights. You wanted to be close with him. You loved him, in all honesty. You couldn’t say you didn’t understand why he held back, you tried not to take it personally. It wasn’t you, it was him. Or at least you could imagine him saying something like that if you ever confronted him about your not-quite-a-relationship relationship. 

“Hey, doll,” Bucky spoke gruffly, shaking you a little, “Y/N, don’t sleep,” You startled a little. You hadn’t even realized you’d started to drift off as you’d let your mind wander. 

“Sorry Buck, ‘m just tired,” You said nuzzling your nose against the column of his throat. He gulped. 

“You can rest once we are back to the tower, take a nice hot bath, drink some hot cocoa. You just gotta make sure you stay awake,” He encouraged his legs bouncing underneath you softly to jerk you back to the present. 

“If we get back to the tower,” You replied moodily, wiping at your nose as it began to run. You sniffled and frowned. “My fingers are numb.” 

Bucky gathered your hands in his and rubbed them softly, breathing on them with his hot breath. It helped a little. Not much. 

“Don’t say stuff like that doll, we’ll be back soon. I’m sure they’re almost here. They wouldn’t let us die out here,” You nodded glumly and apologized again. It felt like all the fight had left you. You were cold and grumpy and tired and Bucky was comfortable and you just wanted to close your eyes. Maybe if you did the next time you opened them you’d be back home. He shook you again. 

You groaned and glared. “Buck, I’m not gonna die if I close my goddamn eyes for a second,” 

“You’ll lose heat quicker than you can produce it,” 

“I’m not producing any currently, I still see no problem with a power nap,” 

“Stop arguing,” His jaw ticked in annoyance. Why did you have to be so stubborn? You knew he was right yet you had to keep fighting him. Yet he couldn’t be too upset. He knew you were uncomfortable. He was too, the cold reminded him of the cryo. In the warmer months he could keep those memories, the terrible flashes that came from the chilled feelings in his bones, at bay. They weren’t as potent, weren’t as suffocating. But when autumn and winter seeped in, covering the warmth and freezing out the world he tossed and turned nearly every night. 

Bucky had taken to joining you at night, curling up with you and listening to your even breaths as you cared for him. The soft spot he’d had for you when youd joined had turned into much more. He loved you without a doubt. You kept him warm and happy. You grounded him. He hoped he did the same for you. But he felt inadequate. He was a broken man, he’d built himself back up but he’d torn down a lot more before then. He may be different now but that didn’t erase the past. Of course, you didn’t hold anything against him, yet he feared that he wouldn’t be enough for you. At the very least, his excuse was that you deserved more. 

Even when he caved and found himself pulling you to him until there was no space left and his lips slanted against yours, swallowing your gentle whimpers and the sighs of his name. He couldn’t bear to hear them. It almost sounded like love when you gasped into his mouth and cuddled closer. But it was too good to let himself believe. So every morning he’d go back to being your teammate, your friend. Nothing more, nothing less. 

And now you were a shaking mess in his arms, doubts filling your mind as time passed and communications were down. He had his own doubts too. Neither of you had been able to get word to any of the team after you’d been snowed in. You last update had been nearly three hours ago. Surely they had to be coming for you two. But he had to cancel out those doubts. He had to be strong for you. He could handle the cold, he could handle anything. You were softer. Not fragile or breakable, god no, never that. But you hadn’t been worn down to nothing and built up into an unbreakable force. You still allowed yourself vulnerabilities. You were wonderfully human. Sometimes Bucky felt like he didn’t really fit in that category. He was closer to a monster. 

He winced at his train of thought and you glanced up with bleary eyes. “What’s wrong?” You said, trying to become more aware. The cold was making you sluggish. He assured you it was nothing. You didn’t quite believe him, yet you couldn’t ask because the next second the earth started shaking, the walls of the underground bunker shaking violently as something assaulted the ground above. Your eyes were wide now, your hands gripping Bucky’s tactical suit tight. Stiff from cold and frozen in place it seemed. 

“Friend or foe?” You questioned as Bucky stood, grabbing your hand in his and tugging you to the corner of the metal room. “Not sure yet,” He grunted, hand going to the gun resting in his thigh holster. You armed yourself too, refusing to hide behind him cowering if it wasn’t your friends. 

With another blast you heard something clang hard against the hatch on the ceiling. You and Bucky had tried exiting hours earlier but it had been frozen shut, the weight of the snow also making it impossible to budge. But now there was a metallic whine as the door was yanked open, bright light funneling in. “Barnes! L/N!” You heard Tony shout as he lowered himself down, the heat from his hands and feet flushing the room in a gust of delicious warmth. You were pushing past Bucky, hands shoving at Tony’s iron suit. 

“Fuck you Tony, but also thank you,” You relented, throwing your arms around his waist. 

“Of course kiddo, I wouldn’t dream of letting you down,” You were like a daughter to him. 

He nodded to Bucky and blasted out with you in his arms, taking you to the quinjet. Bucky followed behind. When he got into the jet you were changed, a heavy blanket around your shoulders, the heat going strong. He was thawing out too. He was sure his nose and cheeks were just as red as yours. 

He sat next to you and Tony reclined back as you began your journey home. 

Comfortable silence ensued until your much warmer hand intertwined with his. “Thanks for taking care of me Bucky, I didn’t mean to be such a pain in the ass,” 

He kissed your temple in a rare show of affection before the sun went down. “You always take care of me, I should return the favor more often,” There was something in his voice that had you staring into his eyes, searching for anything that might be the confirmation you needed. He noticed, obviously. He’d always been able to pick you apart. Bucky Barnes knew you better than you knew yourself sometimes.

His hand never released yours and his lips came to brush against your cheek in another quick move to ease your mind yet it only made your heart pound and your heart race. Your blood was thrumming through your veins a lot quicker now. “We’ll talk about it tonight” You frowned. 

“How about tomorrow morning?” You asked. You were tired of hiding in the comfort of the dark. You wanted to face Bucky in the sunlight, wanted to be with him. Close calls always brought things into perspective, you supposed. 

“Sure Y/N, tomorrow morning.” Bucky said softly, hopefully. 

The next morning, Bucky was still in bed with you. The sun was bright against the snow outside and you woke him up with ticklish kisses. His hands sleepily roamed your back as he pulled himself from sleep. 

“Hey Buck,” You whispered, afraid that things would go back to how they always were. 

“Morning doll,” Bucky grumbled. He breathed in deep and your heart stopped. Then he pressed his lips against yours. It felt like the first time in the light of the morning. At least you knew with more surety that it wouldn’t’ be the last time. 

You weren’t so mad at Tony after all for putting you on that mission.

[ljnuwu]

heartthrob!jeno

summary: heartthrob!jeno wants his habits to die but all his attempts to show you always seem to go wrong

genre: fluff(?), angst

warnings: cliche, like SUPer cliche, horrible grammar, cursing, kinda long(?) depends the kind of reader you are ig, not proofread

lee jeno amirite

alr so naturally being lee jeno everyone loves you

like how could you nOT love him its like impossible

now there are like a few people who don’t and that’s ok just live your life yknow

now lee jeno is like really really loveable

you know those situations where people are so nice that you want to kill them? that’s like everyone @ jeno minus the wanting to kill

instead it’s wanting to protect him at like all costs which is reasonable

ok so onto his dating life

jeno has a record of dating someone for like a solid one to three-ish weeks maybe the longest he’s ever dated anyone was like five weeks everyone thought he’d stay with them but it ended up breaking up so like :/

no one knows why jeno is like this like he drastically changed like kinda in the middle sophomore year 

like he went from a shy boy who couldn’t even look at a girl without blushing to this like confident boy that could make anyone’s heart flutter by just breathing

ok so like onto you

you actually were partners with jeno on a project in like the first half of sophomore year so like you know the og jeno yknow 😔

you also had like a minor crush on him at that time but we don’t talk about that

at first, you didn’t believe the rumors but then you saw/heard it with your own eyes & ears

you remember it so vividly like woah 

it was like maybe march or april of sophomore year when you were late to class and just didn’t bother going lmao 

so you were wandering around the school building and you thought you were the only one bc everyone had a class at that time so like you were kinda shocked to hear some voices in the hallways

so you wanted to be nosy bc like why not jsjd 

alr so this is what you heard 😳

“hyejin, what don’t you get? why do i have to repeat myself so many times to you?!”

“because i don’t get it! we’re literally perfect for each other!”

at this point you kinda regret eavesdropping so you try to leave quietly 

“it’s simple i don’t love you, i never did and i never will. please, did you think this would last forever? i only date for the thrill and when it’s gone so am i”

as much as you hated to admit it, you felt a little pang in your heart when you heard the boy’s words

how could someone live like that? but then again, who were you to judge how someone lived their life 

“screw you, lee jeno!” 

your eyes widen when you heard the name that was yelled out by the girl 

lee jeno?? the shyest boy on earth broke someone’s heart???? really??

at this time you didn’t know jeno was gonna be a new resident heartthrob at your school cause you’re kinda slow with news 

your friends weren’t even surprised when you asked why there were so many sad girls, seeing as you can be pretty oblivious sometimes :// me too dw 😔

so they were like jeno became like a fboi/heartthrob/heartbreaker something like that over night 

and you were like :0 bc you knew as jeno as the like really shy and nice guy who’s smile was like so adorable and made you want to protect you know 😔

alr so now to the present like two-ish years later it seems that jeno’s goal is to break like every girl’s heart at least in your grade yknow he’s going a grade at a time guys ghksd 

so you were his next target *sad emoji* how did you know this? well it seemed that he popped up next to your locker like everyday since school started back up after summer break lol

he’d usually greet you with a good morning or pickukp line

today’s was “aside from being absolutely breathtaking what do you do for a living?”

“well, i don’t really have a job but i am a student which means if i spare you any more of my breath i’ll be late to class. see you later heartthrob!” 

with that you zoom up the stairs and to your next class 

so class is over and it’s the ONLY class you share with jeno and like a third of his friends

the class was,,, overwhelming to say the least

from the girls swooning at literally everything jeno does to his friends being loud

yall know how loud like three of the members in dream are so 😔🖐

ok so this teacher is pretty chill and lets students like sit wherever which you at this moment realize is a mistake so you’re just hoping some girl at least tRiES to grab jeno’s attention and convince him but it seems luck isn’t on your side and all of the girls just seem to starstruck by jeno breathing

so he sits next to you surprise surprise 

and every time he’d tried to talk to you you’d ask the teacher a question, pretending not to hear him every time

at this point jeno got kinda annoyed but he just inhaled and exhaled, he could do this

when he was going to ask you something or flirt with you the bell rang

you didn’t pack up quickly like jeno expected- no you wanted to confuse him or maybe annoy him furthermore so when you’re practically done packing up you turn to him and say, “i miss the old shy and sweet jeno, don’t you? isn’t this whole heartthrob thing kinda tiring at times?” 

and jeno was like shook no one’s ever said that to him like woah yknow

he just kinda stayed frozen looking at you he was like: 👁👄👁 lmao jskfdj

so you just offer a smile and rush to your next class instantly regretting all your life decisions and when you get to your next class you sit down and your shoulders slump and you just bang your head on the desk yknow like jinsoul in that one live yeah :/

meanwhile jeno is still in the classroom stuck standing at that same spot and just staring at space

“hey jeno you alright bro?”

“jun shut up i think he’s having a realization moment”

“wtf is that?” 

“idk i just wanted to tell you to shut up”

and so renjun and hyuck start fighting and then jeno was like

“guys, do you miss the old me?”

“you mean the shy guy in freshman and like the first half of sophomore? nah you’re way cooler no-”

“hyuck literally shut up for oNCE oh my god”

“why should i”

“he doesn’t mean it you know we all miss the old you jeno, but who you choose to be is all up to you”

“woah that’s some deep shit renjun”

“i know bro” 

so like time skip to lunch everyone starts whispering when you enter the cafeteria and you were confused but then you sense a presence next to you and you can’t help but roll your eyes

does this guy just not give up?

so you sit at your table with your friends who give you pity looks and they eventually scoot a bit away from you and jeno 

some friends they are 😔

and you just start eating ignoring jeno because you don’t really know what to say?? like ok jsjf 

you’re kinda awkward and don’t know how to start a conversation with someone who wants to break your heart so it’s obviously gonna be a bit awkward yknow ://

then jeno just like clears his throat and is like “we were partners for a project in sophomore year, yeah?” 

to say you were surprised that he remembered that is an understatement but like your pride got the best of you and so you were like, “you can remember that but you can’t remember the last three girls you dated? interesting”

jeno poor boi chokes on his food like jaemin in that one video yknow 

but he just nervously laughs and decides he should just give up but like his pride man

“why don’t we go somewhere after school?” 

“are you asking me on a date lee jeno?”

“yes i am, you do know i’m not as shy as before, right?”

“trust me, i know that all too well” you mumble giving a tight smile you think jeno didn’t hear but he did and he thinks back to your words, it has gotten quite tiring and not to mention lonely doing this whole heartthrob thing

“well, are you going to answer my question?”

“hmm sure why not”

jeno was surprised by your answer but you just gave in knowing he won’t stop annoying you until you give in and you’d rather have a very peaceful school year

so time skip school is over and everyone collectively sighs in relief when the school gates are open 

you’re not surprised when you see jeno at the school gates waiting for you,,,,, with a bunch of girls surrounding him, asking him questions in their honey voices so you just stand there and watch him suffer at his attempts to tell them he’s got somewhere to go or smth like that 

he catches you looking at him and his situation laughing, i mean you were pretty amused by his situation but eventually you got bored and walked out of school and on your way to a cafe where you usually go to study

you don’t expect jeno to show up next to you out of breath, looking like a lost puppy

“finally got out of the hands of your adoring fangirls i assume?” you ask

you couldn’t help but smile at your own comment

“wouldn’t you like to know”

“actually i wouldn’t”

“so where to now?” jeno asks looking ahead changing the subject

you giggle again and quicken your pace

jeno finds your giggle,,, what’s the word... cute? 

no impossible

all the girls he’s been with had cute giggles

so why did he feel butterflies erupt in his stomach when you giggled? werid lmao

so yall made your way to the cafe and once you get there you immediately get your notes and stuff out

once you got everything settled and stuff you mumble a quick stay here to jeno so you can order and jeno can save your spot bless him 

so you order and stuff (i don’t really go to cafes and places like that often so that’s why i’m so awkward sorry)

once you settle back down in your seat you offer a sip to jeno and he reluctantly takes the cup and sips the drink he’s surprised at how good it is tbh same 😔

so once he sets your drink back down next to you you look up at him expectantly

“good, right?”

he simply nods and looks like he’s trying to solve all his life problems (me too bro)

you quirk your brows which jeno found REALLY CUTE LIKE REALLY REALLY CUTE HOW IS SOMEONE SO CUTE but shrug it off and go back to reviewing your notes while jeno contemplates the world’s exsistence

“so was that indirect kiss intentional or?”

you look up at him while you’re drinking your coffee with wide eyes but unlike jeno, you don’t choke you just set your drink calmly at least that’s what it looks like but inside you’re screaming 

“if we’re going to be talking and possiblly even dating for two weeks might as well become more friendly” you respond looking at him dead in the eye 

and at this moment jeno realized you had guts like bro no one he’s ever dated was that bold

and so he just smiles yknow that smile i’m sure you know that smile 

and so once you’re done studying and stuff idk you go back home and jeno offers to walk you home and you were like sure bc it’s not like he’ll take no for an answer

so the next day ! 

and on his way to school he thinks about all his life choices so far

and one of them is this heartthrob thing

is it really worth it? does he really want to continue committing to his goal i mean is the goal that important

deep shit like that yknow

and then he decided he’ll continue his goal bc why not

so when he got to school he waited at your locker for a WHILE

jeno almost gave up waiting but when he saw you rushing through the school doors his face literally lit up and he stood a little straighter

he’s whipped wbk

so he looks down at his phone rereading the pick up line he found on the internet 

when you opened your locker you were like, “sorry to keep you waiting, i missed the bus and just made for a run for it. sorry for being late, babe.”

hfhsjk i just cringed typing that hNGn ok 

so boi jeno was like shook and made that noise yknow the eH  

and you just smile and it seems your timing is always perfect bc then the bell rings 

so time skip to like a week later

by this time you’ve gotten used to jeno and jeno has gotten used to you and how you can sometimes be bold like REALLY bold lmao

and you get used to jeno being awkward and cute and his pick up lines but i mean you got used to it immediately bc that was how the old jeno™ 

so you guys are just walking with ice cream (cliche i know 😔)

so there’s this ice cream parlor that’s pretty close to your school and a lot of students go there so that’s why you’re not that surprised to see a bunch of familiar faces as you walk out of the parlor but you become aware of the fact that you are walking and holding hands with the lee jeno™ and so you kinda loosen your grip on jeno’s hand and look down at the ground

jeno notices this and immediately grabs your hand again, lightly squeezing it to reassure you everything is fine :)

and that’s when you hear it

“lee jeno got a new girlfriend already? guess i was too late” 

“don’t worry they probably won’t even last two weeks”

“how much you wanna bet they won’t even last one week”

and then your mood drops even more :(((

you think that jeno doesn’t hear it but he did and he’s >:(

and that’s when he decides that you will be first person he will love and no one else his first and last amirite

it’s not like he’s forcing himself to love you bc he’s well one his way 

everyone can see how he’s whipped for you but they still doubt it’ll last :/

so while he’s deep in thought he doesn’t realize that you’ve just stayed in that same spot after hearing those girls and when jeno realizes this he rushes to your side and takes your hand in his

then you look up at him in somewhat surprise and he just smiles

“i promise you that i will love you and only you, you’ll be my first and last love” (can you hear me dying and cringing while typing this?)

you can see the sincerity in his eyes and voice when he says this to you and you were like, “ayyy that’s a bit cringe even for you heartthrob no?”

he just chuckles softly and you can’t help but smile

believing him at that time may have been your worst mistake 

“soooo, how would you feel being my girlfriend?”

“why not, heartthrob” 

scratch that, that was you’re worst mistake

so a week later everyone is surprised to see jeno pursuing a girl for that long yknow i don’t even know what this is anymore shfjls ok 

so when it’s revealed you are official the whole school starts placing bets to see how long yall would last and although you’re kinda :( you immediately go :) bc you remember jeno’s words and decide no one needs to believe yall would last only you two. yknow cliche and cheesy stuff like that bc love has you blinded sis 

and so when you finally get to your locker you see jeno,,,, followed by a bunch of girls begging to break up with you and get with them and he just smiles and nods 

cause that’s all the poor boy knows, smiling and nods and then he spots you and his face immediately lights up and you just give him a tight smile and a questioning look bc how are you gonna get to your locker with all these girls in the way

you don’t want to be rude or anything so you just try your best to push through the crowd

when you finally get to your locker jeno’s attention goes to you and what you start doing, ignoring all the girls trying to get his attention lmao

eventually the crowd thins out and you just look to him with a slight smirk

“the heartthrob title seems to follow you everywhere, huh?”

“i really wanna drop it for you, yknow”

“hmm i can tell” 

you both just share a knowing smile and it’s so cute omg uwu

and so time skip to like lunch and you’re sitting with your friends after you had an agreement with jeno to let you sit with your friends this time around and he just obeys like a little puppy jskj

“what did he tell you that has you so whipped?” your friend finally starts with a slight smirk 

and you’re just like hmm? and look up from your food 

you aren’t necessarily into love but neither are you heartless you get me?

so you explain to them what jeno said to you that day in the shortest way possible and they just look at each other 

and you’re left clueless like, what?

and finally one of your friends speak up

“you don’t believe him right? he says that to like every girl when they’re unsure if they want to get with him”

and you’re just like ‘oh’ and look at your food

you can’t believe you actually believed his words

you’re mad at jeno, sure but more mad at yourself for believing him so you just nod at your friends

as if to tell them you understood

so skip to where you confront jeno :0

“you think you can lie to me and just simply get away with it?” you look jeno dead in the eye and he’s just caught off guard by your words and your voice 

“w-what do you mean?”

“don’t play games with me lee jeno. you know i thought something could actually come out of this, if not a relationship then at least a friendship! all you know is how to lie to someone jeno. i’m not going to waste my time on a relationship built off of lies.”

jeno is left speechless, what did you mean? why are you suddenly acting like this? wasn’t everything fine last time you guys talked

you seeing his confused face you decide to explain furthermore

“that whole first and last speech was just something you recited to every girl, wasn’t it?” 

jeno doesn’t respond for a while and just looks at you, searching for what you’re feeling but it seems he can’t figure out what it is you’re thinking

you take his silence as him agreeing with your question

you scoff and decide you’ve had enough of lee jeno today and start walking home

you weren’t surprised when lee jeno didn’t follow you 

the next day at school you don’t see jeno at your locker and you just shrug it off 

when you open your locker an envelope falls out and you hesitantly pick it up

you open it and start reading it because your curiosity got the best of you

dear y/n, i’m sorry for not following you home when it’s pretty dangerous for a beautiful girl like you to go on your own. not that you aren’t perfectly capable of protecting yourself but it would calm my heart a bit if i knew you got home safely. i just want you to know that i wasn’t bluffing when i told you that. i may have said something along the lines of those words but that doesn’t mean i didn’t mean it with you. you are probably the only person that has told me they missed the new me. when you told me that you really put me through a spiral of thoughts. one of them being what happens if i just drop this whole heartthrob thing? then what will happen. maybe i can actually find love in this highschool, highschool sweethearts are always interesting stories to tell. that’s when i realized that it could be you. someone who has seen the old me and even misses it. which, if i’m being honest i kinda do too. this is getting too long ahhhh. what i’m trying to say is that i will truly love you and only you. 

sincerely, lee jeno

you hear someone clear their throat next to you and you look up to see jeno himself with a single rose which you gladly take lmao

“give me another chance?”

“three dates starting tomorrow, all at the diner we went to. don’t be late”

“r-right of course”

the next day was a saturday and you were waiting for jeno

“hey! i know you said not to be late but something came up with my family and i couldn’t get out of helping-”

“i get it, it’s fine jeno” you smile, letting this slide

you get it, family situations are always hard to get out of

the second day was sunday and you were waiting for jeno

you start regretting ever talking to that boy, it seemed like he didn’t even care at this point

maybe that letter was nothing but lies as well

you hear a bell ring, signaling someone had entered the diner 

you look up and see jeno searching for you with worried eyes

he was about to open his mouth to give you a reason but you just nod and smile, “it doesn’t matter right now, what matters is that you’re here now”

jeno just nods his head and reluctantly agrees with you

the third and final day was monday and you were once again, waiting for lee jeno

it just so happens that he ended up getting detention today so he was going to be late

at least that’s what he texted you

when you hear the door open you see jeno and you decide he’s not worth your time anymore

jeno tries his best to explain to you why he’s got detention but all you can look at are his crinkled clothes and the lipstick stains all over his face and neck. 

he realizes you’re staring at his face. he raises his forefinger hesitantly up to his left cheek and looks down at it, only to realize what you’ve been staring at this whole time. 

when he looks up to where you stood, he tries once again, to explain but it seems the words are just stuck in his throat. 

“it’s okay, old habits die hard.” you spoke, offering him a smile and walking out of the diner, leaving a defeated jeno.

he really wanted this to work

he really wanted to give you all the love you deserved 

but nothing seems to go his way

being known as a heartless boy who gives up on trying to love or even having a relationship seems fitting for him, right?

a/n: this is crap and the ending was kinda rushed sorry :( this is my first bulleted scenario and i really enjoyed it! it turned out to be longer than i expected it to be lmao but please do drop some more requests!1! hopefully this will be a filler til i get my phone back jsjdf (part two? i’m jk skks)

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #302

“heaven ain’t close in a place like this”

What color are your eyes? Grayish blue. What's your favorite type of milk? If we're talking the basics, ig 1% is fine. What would you change about your appearance if you could? Oh, hunny, you got time for an essay? What would you change about your bedroom if you could? I need to fucking finish decorating it... It's not finished by no fault but my own laziness. Are you rich or poor? We're definitely pretty poor. Are you double jointed? I don't think so. What's the most physically painful thing you've ever experienced? I once had a large infected cyst that had to be drained by applying pressure to it, and I swear to Christ I don't know how I didn't faint. They gave me morphine and multiple numbing shots, but none of that did SHIT. I'm not even embarrassed by the fact I was shrieking and sobbing and swearing because I'm pretty fucking sure any sane person would've cried out many times. I'm convinced they either didn't numb me enough for someone of my size back then, or I should've just gone under for it. I have no words for how painful it really was. Do you like shots? Uh, given that nobody LIKES getting a shot with a needle, I'm going to assume you mean like, taking shots of alcohol, in which case I've never tried, but I can almost absolutely guarantee you I'd hate them. I hate the taste of alcohol (hence why I only drink sweet and weak stuff), sooooo, I've got my doubts I'd enjoy something so potent. Are you afraid of spiders? Yes and no? Small ones don't tend to get to me, and I LOVE tarantulas. Big spiders are absolutely fascinating and I love *watching* them, but if I was surprised by a sudden spider, I'm going to probably cry out and jump/scramble away. But on a real note, respect your spiders, whether they scare you or not. They are so important to the ecosystem. See one in the house, take it outside if you can. Have you ever had an allergic reaction to something? To some earrings, yes. I have to wear ones that don't have silver in them. Do you like to read? Yeah, but not nearly as much as I did as a kid. I'm even slacking on WoF lately... Do you know what your purpose in life is? *SLAMS FISTS ON TABLE* BITCH I WISH I KNEW What's something you would like to improve at? Not being a socially anxious catastrophe. Do you believe you have great potential? Everybody does. You just have to use it. What is the most beautiful scenery you have ever beheld? Probably the mountains when driving to Tennessee. Or New York? I really can't recall either so clearly as to have a favorite. Are you flexible? Noooot anymore. Back in my WiiFit days, I was a gotdamn snake. List a song lyric that you like. Oh Jesus, don't make me think. Uhhhhh there's so many. Flipping through artists in my head with lyrics I tend to love, there's Otep with: "hey, hey, NRA, how many kids did you kill today?". Simple, but spine-chilling to me. Huh, time to listen to it actually, lol. That song murders me with the goosebumps. Do you meditate? No; I can't. You can't tell me to "free my mind," man. It's way too hectic at all times up there. What's one place you've been to that you want to visit again? I'd love to go back to Chicago one night when I actually learn how to do nighttime urban photography. What's one place you want to go that you've never visited before? I always answer "South Africa" to questions like this, so for variety's sake, I'll say the Bahamas. But a conspiratory bitch is afraid of the Bermuda Triangle, so... lmao. What's your favorite type of tree? I like big, impressive weeping willows. How many times have you seriously injured yourself? Only two occasions I can think of immediately. Maybe there's more, but idk. Did you attend Sunday School as a child? Yeah, even though I hated it. What is the longest your hair has ever been? Maybe a little passed the small of my back? What about the shortest? (not including being a toddler or baby): How it is now and has been for a couple years: shaved short on the left side, and it transitions to a length near my chin as you go to the right. Have you ever smoked a cigarette? No. Are/were you in the school band, and if so, what instrument did you play? I did, and I played the flute. I'd choose the saxophone if I could go back. Who does the grocery shopping in your household? Well, it's just Mom and me, so her. If you were to donate to charity today, what would you donate to? One that focuses on ovarian cancer for Mom. What is your favorite card game and when was the last time you played it? Even though I was never great at it or knew every single rule, "Magic: The Gathering" is honestly really fun, and I loved looking at the card art. I haven't played it since I was with Jason, so at least five-six years. Would you consider yourself to be good at spelling and grammar? Yeah, but I've somehow gotten worse with time???? I question the spelling and tenses of words I write a lot. What is your favourite seasonal candy? (only available at certain times): Probably like, chocolate rabbits. NOT hollow. Way to break my heart. Or gingerbread cookies. What was the last chocolate bar you ate? I think a Hershey's? It was a while ago. Who was the last person you talked to on Skype/video chat? I was in a Zoom session with multiple people for my partial hospitalization program. Have you ever dreamt about sleeping with someone other than your partner? If so, did that make you feel embarrassed? I've never had a dream like this while in a relationship. The last time you had butterflies in your stomach, what was the reason? I have no idea. Has anyone told you that they miss you recently? No. Has anyone ever asked you out or told you that they liked you, and you rejected them? Can you explain why you didn’t like, or didn’t feel attracted to that person? There was this one guy in the 4th grade who asked me if I would go out with him so much it almost became like a joke. I just... didn't like him like that. Then there's Juan; I'd just been warned that he had a bad rep by a very reliable adult, and the idea of dating him was kinda... intimidating anyway. Plus he was a smoker, which was and still is a no-no for me. What part in a movie would you love to play? The clinically insane villain or something because I feel with my history, I could channel that very well IF I actually wanted to act in the first place. What piece of furniture have you replaced the most? The couch. What’s the best part of your favorite movie? When Simba walks up Pride Rock in the rain and roars and all the lionesses join in. Chilling. What do you think is the most over-rated candy ever? Candy corn is repulsive. What was the highlight of your day? My mom was raving to one of my therapists in the PHP about my art and how badly she wants me to just get everything out there. I was smiling really big but looking down with how shy but also flattered it made me. Do you know anyone who is anorexic? I don't think so. Who has hurt you the most this year? Ha, myself. What's the last insult someone said to you? Hm. How much did your car cost? N/A What is the last picture you received on your phone of? Uhhh Mom mighta sent me a meme or Sara showed me a drawing someone made of Suriza, I think. Have you ever let someone go because you thought they deserved better? No, though I've felt that way before. Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now? I'm still not over the fact Dad was a druggie before me and my sisters, apparently. It's almost like... hurtful in some weird way? Idk exactly why, it's just something I know I feel. What do you hear right now? I have Motionless In White's cover of "Somebody Told Me" playing in another tab. Do you do anything to help the environment? I do what I can as someone who isn't financially independent and reliant on another person for transportation. I won't litter for anything (and this includes shit like letting balloons go in the air, fucking stop), I'm trying to use my metal straw always in place of plastic, and to use less plastic bags, I try to spread out the times I clean Roman's litterbox to a few days; not to the point it's disgusting or uncomfortable for him, of course, though. Three days without is pretty much max. When's the last time you did something you knew was wrong? Ha, a little while ago... I was trying to avoid eating the two last biscuits Mom made for dinner 'cuz I really gotta lay off the carbs, but Mom "joked" that "it's your birthday, you get to do whatever you want," so I kinda just said fuck it lmao. Do you think that you have a pretty smile? No, because my eyes squint badly, and I also hate my teeth. When's the last time you cried over a guy? A few days ago a little bit, actually. I was reminiscing too much and recalling some of the warmest memories. Are you scared to lose the person you fell the hardest for? I already did. Oh well. Is there someone you wouldn't mind kissing right now? Yep. Do you have any friends that actually model? No. Do you care about the last person you kissed? A fucking lot. Do they care about you? Yes. Is there someone you wish you were with right now? Yes, just because of past birthday memories. I keep hoping a "happy birthday Britt" pops up in my FB messenger, and I hate myself for it. Have you ever imagined how it would feel kissing a certain someone? I legitimately just huffed in humor, guess, lmao. What are the bad things you've heard people say about you? That I'm a martyr, going nowhere, lazy, not trying hard enough, y'know, all that good stuff. Do you flirt a lot? Definitely not. What phrase or saying do you use the most? Probably "oof" lol. What mood are you in right now? I'm doing pretty all right. Kinda dreading Miss Tobey coming over, mean as it is, but I just... don't wanna deal with her and her judgments on my birthday. But I'm looking forward to seeing my sisters, and therapy went very well. Have you ever kissed someone that was high? No. Do you have a good relationship with your mother? Yep. How many exes do you have? I only consider two exes "serious," as I've only been in two deep and long-term relationships, but if we're counting everyone who's had the label of "boyfriend" or "girlfriend," there's six. Do you want to be single or with someone? Ugh, I don't know. It's probably better I don't 'til I figure my shit out, but I really do miss the companionship a lot. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? Because I love her and I was leaving her at the airport. Does your mom think you’re a virgin? She doesn't know for the same reason I don't, really. I think she leans towards I am, but idk. Is there someone that wants you to give them a second chance? I don't know. What size bra do you wear? Uhhh I genuinely don't buy bras enough to know this exactly. C-something. Does the person you last kissed still like you? I don't know if she still like-likes me. Are your parents still together? Noooo. Was your first time good or bad? I dated an Italian, if u kno what I mean. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Which friend-turned-enemy do you miss the most? Colleen, sometimes. Have you ever used an epi pen, and it worked? I have not. What is on your top priority list for today? Make this fuckin' day for me. I'm trying to not let the depression sink in and make me feel worthless on today of all days. So I'm trying to stay in a positive headspace. Do you own any sand art in a jar? Omg, those are so cool! But no. Does the sun come in your window in the morning or at night? Not really; there's houses in the way. What was the last piece of art you created? A drawing of a meerkat with its mouth open angrily, done with colored pencils, against a black background. It's on my second dA. What time of day do you take medications? I have prescription meds for when I wake up and at bedtime. What's your newest hobby you've started? A new hobby? Huh... What are some things you wanted to do that your parents didn't let you do? They wouldn't let us stay home alone until a certain age, we had a timer on the TV at bedtime to shut off after a while, we weren't exposed to certain music or shows, no cursing... stuff like that. What YouTube channels do you recommend? This is a BAD question to ask me, 'cuz I could just about recommend channels for just about any niche. I watch soooooo many. What is your favorite day of the week? Tuesday, because it's reset day in WoW, haha. Meaning, I get to do my stupid mount farming raids again for the week. Blackhand, gimme your FUCKING clefthoof already. Ballet or cheerleading? Ballet is beautiful. What are your favorite sports to watch? Only dancing, really. Were you ever in the marching band? No. Which holiday has the best decorations, in your opinion? My contrasting aesthetics make this hard, haha. I love Christmas with all the beautiful light displays people can make, but let's not sleep on Halloween, y'all. I loooove Halloween decor, like c'mon, that's where I get shit for my room year-round, lmao. What do you want to be known for? It'd actually be kinda cool if I built up some sort of rep in the vulture culture community with my photography of roadkill. For how few shots I actually have on there and minimal interaction, my Instagram for it is doing quite well, if you consider those factors. They've gotten some pretty decent attention on dA, too. I would love for people to know why I do it though, of course: awareness and respect for the animal's life. How often do you wear make-up? Almost never nowadays. Think of the person you are jealous of...what are you jealous of them for? She's actually making a career out of her photography. Do you have art that you made in high school? Oh, plenty. Do you have trauma in your past? *clears throat* take a fuckin seat Favorite type of frosting? Chocolate. Have you ever tried cake decorating? No. One of my sisters is actually one, though! She's great at it. What clubs are you a part of? None. What was your favorite book that you had to read for school? The Outsiders. 6th grade, to be exact. Do you like to read classics, or do you usually read new arrivals? I don't prefer one over the other, honestly. Were you a big partier in college? No, I never partied. Is your college one you would recommend? My most recent one, fuck yes. They're amazing and care so deeply for their students. Would you go camping in the woods alone? Yikes, no. Would you name your kids after anyone? If I had a son and I had my way with the name, he would be named after the Most Selfless Man in the World, Damien from WKM. :'''''( Do you have any supernatural gifts? No. Are there any good churches in your town? You're asking someone who has a bad relationship with religion. Do you want an indoor or outdoor wedding? It really depends on the season and venue my spouse and I pick. Do you think you would be a good salesperson? HEEEEEEEEEEEELL NAW fam. I ain't pressuring people to buy shit.

[xparadisexlostx]

So yesterday I was mindin my own business, writing something else, and @graunblida and I got on our gay shit. So I stopped all of that to write a 3.5k drabble about the fact that Beck wakes Lexa up in the middle of the night to do stupid witchy shit like catch moonbeams. 

This could definitely use some editing and another draft. I’ve never really written Lexa before and idk why I chose to try for this but... For some reason all of my drabbles seem to be like this??? Why do I do this to myself??? 

She couldn’t remember ever having someone shake her awake. Ever since she’d been brought to Polis, Lexa had been a perpetually light sleeper. That had only gotten worse after she’d become commander. After she’d lost the woman she loved to Nia’s sadism. Perhaps that was why she didn’t react with immediate murderous intent to the hand on her shoulder gently rocking her back into consciousness.

Lexa jolted upright so quickly that she nearly headbutted the little woman standing above her. She took a breath to steady herself. “What are you doing?”

She wasn’t sure what else to ask. Beck didn’t appear to be distressed, and the streets outside her window were quiet. Nothing seemed to be in disarray. Except for the fact that the moon was still high in the sky over Polis, and that her door had been locked and guarded, and that the the witch was supposed to still be on bed rest unless absolutely necessary, but there she was, her unbound hand still lingering on her shoulder, barely illuminated by the light of a candle she’d forgotten to extinguish.

“Come with me.” The witch whispered. The witch’s fingers trailed down her arm to grasp her wrist and gently tug her forward.

Lexa, who was still blinking away sleep and confusion, allowed herself to be coaxed up from the comfort of her furs and into the cool night air. She wasn’t dressed to go anywhere, and she needed her sword. Were they under attack? What was happening? 

Beck kept gently leading her along until she was awake enough to feel the irritation growing inside her. 

“Tell me the meaning of this.” She demanded. A cold breeze blew her nightgown flush against her body and Lexa crossed her arms. The chill wasn’t that bad, but it’d been a long time since anyone had seen her in this state, and she felt exposed. “Are we in danger?”

Beck gave her a bewildered look,  “Of course not. I need your help with something.”

Another tug on her hand, and Beck was wearing that ridiculously unapologetic smile that lit up her whole face. Lexa felt a flutter in the pit of her stomach, and some of her annoyance waned. It couldn’t hurt to help the witch, right? Surely her task was important if it warranted being out of bed at this hour, especially with her injury. And it wasn’t safe for her to wander the woods around Polis alone; the witch was no warrior. It was better than returning to her fitful dreams and frequent nightmares.

“Wait.” She demanded as the witch began to head for the door. She went to her dresser and rifled through the drawers to find something more suitable to wear. Beck was bouncing impatiently on her heels, but to Lexa’s surprise she was at least listening. She strapped her hunting knife to the thigh and while she was fastening the sword on her hip she looked back to her guest. “What is it I’m helping with, exactly?”

“I’m going to catch moonbeams.” The witch replied. Lexa waited for a long moment for her to break out into a laugh or to roll her eyes to show that she was being sarcastic. That moment never came. Beck was looking at her with utter sincerity and enthusiasm, still smiling, rocking back and forth on the ball of her feet with thinly bridled anticipation. 

Beck was a creature in constant motion. She buzzed with a persistent energy that threatened to spill over into action at any moment. The witch would sway back and forth in conversation, or swing her legs while sitting in a chair, and the guards had found her sleep walking twice since she’d come to Polis. Sometimes Lexa found herself resisting the urge to lay her hands on the woman’s shoulders to see if it would quiet her, but she never did.

“You want to catch---the moon?” Lexa said slowly.

Beck nodded eagerly. “Not all of her. Just a few rays. She doesn’t mind. I promise.”

She could only stare in bewilderment. If this was a jest... The irritation started to come back to her. 

“Beck-”

The witch must have heard the tension in her voice, because she cut her off. “Please? You need two hands to hold the bowl. I’ve only got the one. It’ll be fun. I promise.”

Lexa looked at the witch’s arm, still tightly splinted from where the healer had reset it only days ago. There was probably still a nasty arrow wound in her leg as well, and a menagerie of bruises on her skin beneath her clothes. Azgeda had not been kind to her when they transported her to the capital. She needed to be in bed.

But short of dragging her there forcefully, there wasn’t much she could do to stop Beck from wandering off on her own. It was well within her ability to do that, but she wouldn’t. The witch was not her captive, and if she wished to leave, so be it.

She let out a soft sigh. “Very well.”

When she turned to follow, Beck had already bent down and picked up a basket sitting by the door that Lexa had not noticed. She precariously lodged it between her hip and her good arm as she slipped out the door into the dark hall. Lexa followed silently, unsure what she could even say to fill the silence if she’d have wanted to. In the light of a torch at the end of the hall, she could see the witch was still limping slightly, but she was still walking quickly.

“My healers said your leg was still injured.” She said, broaching the subject carefully. In her short time of knowing Beck, she had learned the witch didn’t take kindly to being told what to do.

Beck shrugged, and Lexa’s eyes lingered on the way her golden curls glinted in the light of the torch for just a little too long. “It’s doing just fine.”

She was certain if Beck lifted up her long skirt the arrow wound would still be red and swollen, that if the healer assessed the injury he’d send her back to bed to rest, but she didn’t argue. If she were injured she’d do the same. Weakness was not a luxury she could afford. Did witches also value strength? Were they made to cover up their pain for fear their own people would judge them for it? Beck seemed so open and carefree, but was that persona just a mask to hide behind?

The guards by the Tower door stood stiff with confusion as they saw the pair rounding the corner, and Lexa raised her hand to dismiss them. They would tell Titus, and he’d be irritated with her, but as much as she didn’t want to listen to his constant complaints come sunrise, she didn’t like the way Beck tensed and drew back away from her guards. It was obvious that they made the witch nervous, and Lexa hardly blamed her after Azgeda had dragged her across the coalition lands, beaten, filthy, and half-starved. After that if Beck didn’t assume that all of her people were brutish and cruel it’d be nothing short of a miracle. Her trust would be hard earned, as Lexa’s would have been if she were in her shoes.

They stepped out into the night air, and Lexa scanned the quiet streets for threats while Beck hobbled forward without a second thought. She couldn’t afford to hesitate. If she blinked Beck was likely to be gone by the time she opened her eyes. 

“The city is so quiet here at night.” Beck said. A trail of silver breath trickled from her lips in the chill of the evening. It was too late for even the seediest mead hall to be serving patrons. Perhaps somewhere in the depths of the city where she could not see, there were a few people lingering by a candle, but they would be few and far between. Despite living in the city, most people still rose early to hunt or fish. Soldiers weren’t afforded the luxury of sleeping in. Craftsmen had to rise with the sun to get their wares in order in their stalls. Spending the evening wandering the streets in the light of the full moon was a senseless waste of energy.

“Do witches not sleep?” She asked, mostly joking. Though that was hardly clear from her tone. But Beck let out a soft, musical laugh and tossed a bit of hair behind her shoulder as they walked, and Lexa felt that jittery sensation flicker to life again at the sound. 

“Eventually everything has to sleep.” She was looking off into the distance with a wistful smile on her lips. “But it’s not like this. Some witches prefer the night. Some even specialize in spellcraft that is most powerful under the moon. Others get up to collect spell materials and alchemical supplies that aren’t there during the day or they fight off sleep to finish working on a project. There’s always folks singing around fires and dancing to the tune. Night markets pop up somewhere new every evening, and you have to find your way there by the smell of street food and the glow of crystal lanterns.”

Lexa felt both an intense curiosity and a pang of sorrow at the wonders the witch described. “Polis must bore you.” 

The witch leaned her weight off of her bad leg and spun in a circle, looking up at the night sky and then around to the quiet city. If Lexa hadn’t seen her when she’d first been brought to the capital, she’d wonder if the smile ever left Beck’s face. Moonlight shimmered off of her hair as she twirled, and glowed silver along her cheeks. 

“Not at all. Everything here is different.” She began to walk once more, headed for the woods behind the city. “I can feel them all dreaming here. All at once. And when I dream with them I feel their power in the dream realm spread out like a beacon. Power they aren’t even aware they wield. It’s---harmonious. Beautiful. Foreign. Peaceful. How could it possibly bore me?”

Lexa couldn’t be sure what any of that meant. She had received visions before, dreams from the previous commanders showing her wisdom, but she knew nothing of a realm of dreams. But as the witch described it, quiet, breathy, and reverent, Lexa felt as if their emotions were bleeding together, and that even if she did not have a rational explanation of the witch’s words, she understood by feeling.

They walked out of the city and into the woods in silence after that. Something peaceful had settled inside her chest, and Lexa clung to that rare feeling desperately. She focused on the sound of their muffled footfalls on the dirt path and the whisper of the wind gently stirring the brush. Animals wandered the forest unperturbed by their presence. An owl preening itself on a branch right above her that did not fly away as they passed, and a small herd of deer grazing on the tender grass at the edge of the path walked alongside them for several moments with no fear for their speckled fawns. It felt like a dream, and Lexa feared that if she spoke, it would be shattered and she’d wake in her bed---warm, comfortable, but terribly alone.

Beck gasped and drew her back to reality. Lexa found her hand gripping her sword handle and searching the forest for threats. The woods were shrouded in darkness, and she couldn’t hear anything. When she looked back to the witch, she was kneeling by a cluster of flowers that were glowing faintly. Her fingers gently lifted the petals without breaking them from their stems, and her thumb tenderly stroked their edges.

“What are these?” 

“We call them natshana yongon.” She explained. The little bell shaped flowers grew all over her lands. She remembered being young and sneaking out of the tower with the other nightbloods to gather armfuls of them. She remembered Luna’s hands over hers teaching her how to grind them into a paste, and painting glowing pictures on the tower wall that would fade before Titus ever had the chance to see them. That was so far behind her now that it felt like a different world. They were all gone, all but Luna. Luna who had ran. Luna who had at one time been her closest friend. Luna who hated her so much that she couldn’t bear the sight of her now. But even if the memory had turned bittersweet in her mouth, she still cherished it. 

“Natshana---yo-gun?” 

“Yongon.” She corrected gently. “Moon children in the Maunon tongue. They only bloom at night.”

“Can I take some of them?” Beck asked, looking up at her with an unnecessary plea in her eyes. 

Lexa nodded. “They will fade not long after you pick them. 

Beck began to gently pluck the flowers and tuck them away into an apron she was wearing over her skirt until it was puffed and full. She looked up at Lexa and held out her hand. “Will you help me up?”

It was such a small request, but the flutter in her stomach was back. It was a cold night, but the witch seemed to radiate a warmth. Her gaze gentle and unguarded, her smile soft and ever present. Lexa took her hand and felt a shiver rush down her spine that she desperately tried to cover up as she helped Beck back up. The witch rocked unsteadily and Lexa instinctively reached out and gently grasped her hip when she stumbled forward. Unable to steady herself with her broken arm, Beck couldn’t stop herself from swaying into Lexa’s chest. 

The world came to a crashing halt around her. She could smell the perfume of freshly picked flowers, and feel the tickle of golden curls brush against her neck. Beck was all soft curves and warmth, a refuge from the bite of the evening air around them. She could feel her chest shaking and hear the sound of laughter bubbling through the air.

“I’m so sorry.” The witch said, and as she pulled away Lexa could see her face was flushed. Lexa couldn’t bring herself to laugh. Her heart was racing like a spooked horse, and it was all she could do to keep her breathing steady. She felt Beck squeeze her fingers and then step out of her grasp entirely. “I can’t even stand on my own two feet anymore.”

“It’s fine.” She finally managed, her voice gentler than usual. To give herself something to do other than stare stupidly at the witch, Lexa bent down and scooped up the basket that Beck had dropped while picking flowers. 

“You’re sweet.” Beck reached out and took back her things. “Thank you.”

The sincerity of the complement took her off guard. She’d been called many things in her life---but no one had ever called her sweet. No one other than Costia. 

This was going too far. She needed to get back to the tower. Away from the woods, away from the wild eyed witch. But Beck was already headed down the path again, humming softly as she went. There would be no coaxing her back to the Tower, and she couldn’t bring herself to leave her out in the woods alone. She would just have to control herself.

Beck stopped them by a large pond where the surface was quiet and the reflection of the full more was undisturbed. She sat her basket on a rock and pulled a large bowl and a few small glass bottles. After handing the bowl to Lexa, she removed her apron and reached up to unbutton several of the buttons on her shirt, revealing two large flat crystals hanging from a leather cord on her neck. She tugged on them until they came free, and with careful fingers she took them off her necklace and placed one in the bottom of the bowl. Lexa bit down on the inside of her cheek and fought to keep the stony expression on her face while Beck rearranged the little crystal to her liking. The top of her shirt remained unbuttoned, and Lexa was trying to look anywhere but the dark stain of the tattoo between the witch’s breasts. 

Her voice was barely more than a whisper when she spoke, “What do you want me to do?”

Beck poured the contents of one bottle into the bowl and then took hold of Lexa’s wrist. She wanted to say that this was unnecessary, that if the witch would just give her direction she’d follow, that they shouldn’t be doing---whatever this was. But the words never left her throat. She allowed herself to be pulled out into the cold water until it was up to her hips. 

“All you have to do is hold the bowl still. I’ll pass the crystal over it.” 

Was it her imagination or were her fingers lingering again? 

Beck lifted the crystal above her head and passed it directly over the reflection of the moon in her bowl. A tingling sensation went up through her fingers, and Lexa furrowed her brows. Beck had begun to sing a strange, unintelligible song in a high, breathy tone. Once more she passed the crystal over the bowl and this time the vibration was stronger. The bowl felt---lighter somehow, and it was getting hard to keep her breathing even. Her eyes were locked onto the witch, whose head was tilted up toward the sky as she sang out her spell. She rocked with every slow swing of the crystal, and the water rippled and whispered with the movement of her body. Was all magic so---entrancing to witness?

As far as Lexa knew this was the first intentional magic she’d seen the witch do. She’d seen---something on the day of Beck’s arrival when they had visited her healer, but it had been brought on by fear. There had been no purpose to it. And Lexa had felt like an outsider merely observing the phenomenon. Now she felt the effects of the spell merging with her, running through her body as she held the bowl in her hand.

When the witch finished her song she continued to silently sway for several minutes, soaking up the light of the full moon until the magic waned and she came back to herself. Her lashes fluttered as she blinked the trance away from her eyes and returned to herself. And then the warm smile returned to her face and she looked down into the bowl.

“That should be more than enough.” She said, fishing her crystal from the bottom of the vessel and returning both of them to the leather cord they came from. “Here, help me pour it into the bottles.”

Lexa followed her carefully back to the shore. She wasn’t sure what if anything would happen should she spill the bowl of freshly gathered “moonbeams” and she didn’t intend on finding out. Beck carefully collected the water in her bottles and corked them, then put everything back in her basket. They had just turned to leave when a soft glow caught her eye.

“Wait.” She scooped down to pick up the apron and shook the debris from it before placing it in the basket as well.”

The walk back was quiet. Beck didn’t bombard her with questions or ramble on about something that she didn’t understand like Lexa was used to. She was content to hum softly as they made their way out of the woods and back to the tower.

“I’m glad you came with me.” Beck said once they had crossed the threshold and entered into the city proper. 

“I…” Lexa wasn’t sure what she should say. There was a knot of confusing emotions sitting in her stomach. Desire, longing, loneliness, and fear were all fighting for her attention, and she wasn’t sure which to give into. “I owed you as much, after what the Azgedan forces did to your arm.”

“Well then consider your debt paid in full.” The witch teased, and then she held Lexa’s gaze, her playful expression giving way to something else. Something sincere and hopeful. “Maybe next time you’ll tag along just for fun.”

She couldn’t bring herself to tell the witch that she had no time for fun. That every part of her was meant to belong to her duty. Titus would say it later, once he found out about their midnight tryst. He’d tell her that if she truly cared for the witch that she’d send her home. It would be better just to accept that now. To put an end to her hopeless desire before it truly began. And yet…

Lexa gave the witch a slight nod and turned back to the Tower. “Goodnight, Beck.” 

That playful air seeped back into her tone. “That wasn’t a no.” 

It was still dark when she woke the next morning, but a faint glow greeted her as she opened her eyes. Sitting in a small glass bottle on her bedside table, brilliantly and impossibly shimmering with life, as a twine-bound bundle of the natshana yongon. She propped herself up on an arm and reached out to stroke a shimmering petal, and she felt the magic dance along her fingertips just as she had the night before. And in the privacy of her quarters, she allowed herself a smile.