#idk. i have a whole summer before everything changes entirely. everything will be okay

[arthur-r]

arthur fact as of today. high school graduate. not doing that whole thing anymore

[yellowloid]

my experience at am's show (rock in roma, ippodromo delle capannelle - 16/07/2023)

SO you know the drill by now this is the compulsory recap post i need to write because i'm terrified of forgetting about things and i also have so much more footage this time around (i basically recorded the whole concert while in paris i kinda did but idk i had much less stuff it was my first time so i was just too overwhelmed ajfnwidjsj). you knew it was coming i just needed to sort my thoughts out and i know some of those things have already been said but idc i'm writing them down anyway + i rewatched all my videos so i have a lot to say so LET'S GO

• first of all i want to preface this by saying that it was +40° degrees in rome and gates were opened at 3pm. opening bands started at ~6:30 and am came on stage at 9:40. needless to say everyone was cooking under the sun and slowly losing our collective minds i swear i've never drunk so much water my entire life and still felt like i was shrinking

• it was also my first proper concert standing in a pit + i was lucky enough to have tickets for the closest section to the stage and kind of a decent view despite the fact that i'm literally 5'2

• still i confirmed my opinion that i very much prefer seated tickets (not a big fan of standing in a crowd i must admit) ESPECIALLY when it comes to summer concerts because there was literally NO AIR just weed smoke and most importantly sweat i swear i couldn't breathe. we were fairly close to the stage but at what cost

• i wasn't particularly excited about the opening acts (as i wasn't for inhaler back in may) BUT i have to say they both slayed so hard??? willie j healey was so fucking cute and thoughtful with the crowd (we were under the shadow of the stage but the more far back section of the pit was directly under the scorching sun his whole set and he kept asking if they were okay) and the hives hyped up the crowd so fucking much??? their stage presence was incredible everyone loved them

• the breaks in between opening acts and am were filled with the festival replaying the same harry styles/rosalia/*random italian trapper* songs over and over again and at some point the crowd was about to riot because FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TURN THAT SHIT OFF not even joking when i say we heard the same hs song at least 30 times i swear dante alighieri used that as inspiration to write his inferno

• everyone was sweaty dirty tired and kinda fucked up from the sun and by the time am was about to come on stage i was contemplating my chances of not passing out and praying to god clinging to the bit of energy i still had in me to hold on for just an hour and a half more

• just making it clear this wasn't in any way their fault they came on at the time they were supposed to and everything turned out fine it was just. concerts in rome in the middle of july are.........something

• BUT ANYWAY after hours of us slowly decomposing it was finally time for am!!!!!!!!!

• they opened with sculptures and honestly THANK GOD because (maybe unpopular opinion? idk idc argue with the wall) that is just how it should be. not a big fan of brianstorm as an opener

• alex introduced teddy picker by saying "haven't you heard? teddy is back!"

• he also introduced the view with "let's go back to the very beginning" at which my heard did a bit of a !!!!

• after the view and before 4/5 he randomly went "feeling professional... 🎶 tonight 🎶

• he was feeling sooooo silly the whole show (<3) but he really went crazy with the spoken antics during 4/5

• he clapped his hands as he sang "with coloured old grey whistle test👏 lights👏" which weirdly scratched something just right in my brain

• "and that's unheard of... here in roma or anywhere else for that matter... nobody's done that!"

• he changed the lyrics and went "the only time that I stop laughing is to breathe or steal a kiss" and then proceeded to send a kiss to the crowd

• "four stars out of five... why don't you put that in your [pile]? / four stars out of five... ten times out of nine"

• "four stars out of five... that's right... that's why i like it! 😜" at the very end, said in the most adorable tee-hee way i can't even begin to describe it

• the piano interlude before high was sprinkled with the saddest series of "why... why... why..." ever uttered by man 💔

• after high he said " fantastic! ... what a night"

• "i wanna tell you about a girl that i made up... 💁‍♂️ ages ago 💁‍♂️" as an introduction to arabella

• i'm sure you've seen the video going around but during arabella he noticed a fan was (i think?) crying and asked "are you okay?" before resuming his singing

• "the horizon tries but it's just not as kind on the eyes...... ‼️RRRRRRROMAAAAAAA‼️......... as arabella"

• after the song ended he thanked the crowd by going "good work everyone... jolly good. grazie"

• he thanked the crowd a lot, said grazie/grazie mille a lot, and frequently said roma instead of rome (idk why i found that cute but yeah <3) and his way of rolling his r's when speaking italian was just too adorable i wanted to put him in a blender and drink him as a smoothie

• the version of do me a favour that they've been playing lately sounds slightly softer than the original and i'm all for it. it amplifies the vibe of exhausted resignation that lingers in the lyrics and it just sounds so devastating i love it

• he lifted the mic stand during the song +  pretended to break something in half during the "to start to break in half" line and yeah. that was also what he was doing to my heart

• no he did not have a mullet he just arranged his hair in a way that made it seem like it for a split moment. why did i see people on twitter hoping for the mullet........DON'T GIVE HIM IDEAS

• "tremendous.... thank you 💅"

• also about that rumour going around of him pointing at louise during the "may i call you her name" - he literally acted out the whole line, pointed to himself, then at a random hypothetical you, then sidestage; he was not pointing at anyone specifically + why would anyone want that song dedicated to them lmao like. did the people saying it's romantic read the lyrics or

• also you know who else was in the general direction of him pointing? that's right everybody. mr jamie cook himself. maybe he uses he/she pronouns and alex wants to call someone jamie's name. have you considered that

• okay i'm sorry enough with the bullshit

• he said something during cornerstone and right before dancefloor that i caught on video but i can't really understand what he says so i'll probably end up posting those bits to see if we can figure out wtf he was on about

• "crawling back to you..... ‼️OH‼️ ever thought of calling when you've had a few"

• "🎶 ~rooomaaaaa~ 🎶.... thank you for having us everybody, what a beautiful audience.... soooo predictable i knowwww what you're thinkiiiing"

• he was so obsessed with crooning "roma" every chance he got <3 the silly <3333

• "lone ranger riding through an open space... THANKS A LOT in my mind when she's not right there beside me"

• now a list of random things he does at nearly every show that i still found very endearing:

- the "squeezed me very tightly" bit which is always so 💞💞💞

- "NO! you can't call me her name" with the NO said in the most 'child throwing a tantrum but make it cute' way

- the way he directed matt during the mirrorball intro and matt going 'y'all hear sumn?'

- "5......0......5......"

- him swaying his hips in a way that made everyone's knees buckle in a 10-mile radius

• about the interactions with the others: he didn't interact with them that much, i think he didn't even scissor with jamie during the body paint outro :( BUT we got the directing matt bit before mirrorball + a shout out to tom rowley

• i think in paris i noticed it less because i was seated, or maybe i just noticed it in a different way because i got some different songs (star treatment with the green/purple lights, pretty visitors with the red ones), but still - the lights are incredible and the fact that they create different lighting games for each song (like the blue ones for body paint or the golden ones for am songs) is so cool and fascinating i was mesmerised

• about the crowd: i made the mistake of getting into a telegram group of people who were going to see them and most of them were such casual fans they even believed the fake setlist that was going around a while ago as a joke on twitter 😭 the one with songs like the jeweller's hands. my brother in christ that's never going to happen

there were people going like "if they play r u mine i'm gonna die" and like bruh i appreciate the naivety but it's so painfully obvious they're gonna play it at least have a bit of creativity with your wishful thinking 😔

generally speaking the crowd was really REALLY hyped for am classics and wpsia/fwn oldies, while they were mostly completely dead during the car tracks it was disappointing to say the least. once again i was the only one popping my pussy

• BUT LET'S TALK ABOUT THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS. i was so fucking scared they wouldn't play cornerstone and perfect sense but mostly the latter bc it's much less likely to be played... and it meant so much to me to hear them live, i didn't get either of them at the paris show so i just. ugh. they're in my top 5 am songs if not my absolute favourites and they just mean so much i fucking needed to hear them

• AND THEY PLAYED THEM BOTH. they did it for ME. cornerstone had me so emotional and i'm not joking when i say perfect sense had me ugly sobbing while singing along

• i just. i love that song so much. he just looked so small on that stage singing such vulnerable lyrics, and even tho the crowd was mostly dead (rude if you ask me) he still finished the song by sending a kiss and saying the nth "grazie mille" and i just wanted to hug him so bad i was literally devastated i love him so much

• we also got the jet skis/star treatment/iwby mashup!!!!! most of the tiktok fans had no idea what was happening and kept singing the original lyrics while i once again popped my pussy rapping along with him. i'm so glad he decided to do it and i got to hear it live!!!! it just sounds so damn good ugh

• the setlist as a whole was everything i could've wished for i was so satisfied with it

• the show ended with him sending and catching kisses and just smiling so much i just wanted to tear him to pieces what who said that

• as usual they all sounded and looked INCREDIBLE and alex was just.......... ugh. the most gorgeous of boys. he's so beautiful it makes me SICK. the crowd was literally hypnotised by him, his charm and stage presence is CRAZY and everyone just can't help but stare at him in awe and reverence because his aura is just something else. no one does it like him fr. leaves me speechless every single time

• they're all so fucking beautiful and talented and seeing them feels like a fucking out-of-body experience every single time

• i miss them like air I MISS HIM LIKE AIR....... the pcd is hitting hard and i honestly have no idea wtf i'm gonna do with myself once tour is over and they yeet themselves out of the public scene for god knows how long i don't even want to think about it

• long story short i love them so much it literally hurts it's not even funny and i already want to see them again </3

• also bonus: after the show ended there was a HUGE traffic jam due to the fact that 35k people were trying to leave the place all at once SO we spent the next two hours (TWO HOURS) stuck in the parking lot exhausted dirty sweaty and still dying in the heat bc it was literally 1am but it was still so hot it was hell. then danza kuduro came on the radio and it was so random that was the last straw to send me k.o. for good

• overall crazy experience but yeah i love them so much i want to see them again sooooo bad </3 PLEASE COME BACK </3333

• so yeah that was my experience at rock in roma i hope you enjoyed my ramblings xx

[venacoeurva]

Okay so some specific questions abt wren

you once mentioned that wren's lip color was poison with wax to protect his own skin. how does that work??? wouldn't it affect him when he eats/drinks/etc?

what does he do to his hair to make it look like that?

how did he get a hold of keening and put that in his prosthetic leg? how has he achieved this (presumably) without Wraithguard? how did he lose the leg in the first place? does the Dwemer danger prosthetic work the same as a regular prosthetic (just. more dangerous) or what? i'm very interested in his false leg.

you've talked about his scars if i recall correctly, but does he have any tattoos? peircings?

where does he get his clothes? they look altered from the regular Morrowind robes, or maybe a really loose translation of one of them shirts (what a low poly source does to a mf) so whats the story behind that design?

how does he fake his death? you've probably answered that before but idk i haven't seen it so I'm asking now. what does he do in the ~200 years where he is entirely unaccounted for because of his fake death, before the events of Skyrim?

has miraak stopped bullying teldryn yet.

and also what is YOUR favorite little thing about him that maybe no one has noticed yet?

sorry for a flood of questions. your Nerevarine is interesting and i like him a lot.

This is a long one so I'll number everything.

Lipstick--He wears a layer of wax under his lipstick to protect himself and doesn't really eat or drink with it on unless necessary, but he also keeps the actual poison away from where his lips meet and microdosed the ingredients for a few years to get used to it lest he ingest some. A little paralyzed or sick is better than immediate organ failure, yknow? In most events his targets will be compromised even if he suffers side effects because he opened their throats or they have the aforementioned organ failure. So basically don't kiss him if he has that lipstick on...

Hair-- His hair is naturally very straight and silky, he's just really lucky with cutting his own hair. The texture and color changed a ton by 4e because he faked his death to get away from the empire blackmailing more work out of him and some experimental spells had a weird side effect and cutting it short made it that kind of springy you get with that. Give it another 50 years or so and it should be back to normal! The reddish tint is natural, gets a bit more prominent in the summer.

Keeningcap-- Oh I could talk about his leg for days! He amputated it himself (the doodle of him doing that is accurate), because he had chronic pain it in post-corprus and after the above mentioned spell side effects it was starting to deteriorate even more. He would rather deal with what he considers an inconvenience of losing a leg and having to adjust to a prosthetic to dealing with the increasingly unbearable pain (also a bit of a personal projection wrt bad legs). Someone tried to kill him and he killed them in return one-handed while healing his own slashed throat before, so he has effective intense self-restoration down to a T and knew that would (probably) work again. Technically in game he can wield Keening without dying for a WHILE because he has like 10k health (for some reason), so it would hurt but not kill him as long as he put it back away quickly. He uses this as an intimidation tactic. He ended up losing the whole set while faking his death but got them back during the events of Skyrim since there's that quest to get em. There's also a good chance the Skyrim Keening is counterfeit since it won't actually borderline-instakill you, though, or perhaps it's heavily damaged? So that nullifies any potential danger once it's integrated in his leg. Accidental contact with his leg stump doesn't happen because the amputation happened upper thigh and keening is store and spring loaded to pop out with twisting his leg 3 times in his front lower leg. Aside from weaponization, the leg works as a robotic prosthetic would IRL, just with more magical bullshit as opposed to electricity and wires to the brain. It is kind of heavy, though, so he opts for conjuring a leg back if he's not expecting combat.

Scars/Tats/Piercings-- By the 4th era he has pierced ears, but finds tattoos a bad idea to have if you're reliant on not being identified, let alone if one of your methods for doing your job involves getting naked and someone else might see.

Clothes-- The blue robe is a major redux of the extravagant robe (specifically he wears poisonmirror, not even for the statboost anymore it's just been with him all this time), but lorewise for him it's a family heirloom alongside his spear and dagger and he blackmailed someone in prison to get them on the ship to Morrowind. The boots, gloves, and armor underneath are mostly improvised to fill in his design since I didn't want him to be too complex to draw. I didn't put much thought in, I made him in mw then eventually Skyrim and went "okay let's draw you" and he happened the way he did

Faked Death-- He knew the Empire was using him for their own gains during the crises in Morrowind, on top of hating them already beforehand, and that they'd get him to do more work for them if he stuck around or risk being put back in prison. So, after the Oblivion crisis, he faked a skooma addiction, found a dunmer bandit that was about his size who had ties to the skooma trade, burned the cavern dwelling with them in it, and left most of his stuff behind with them to make it look like he got in with a bad crowd and got burned (heh) for it. Despite the irony of the story being a dunmer who burned to death, he did that then he used some experimental alteration spells to alter his hair and eye color but the texture and slight saturation stayed in his hair and his eyes went back to normal after about 2 months. For the rest of the 3rd era he mostly wandered around Tamriel and did freelance contracts, spending a lot of time in Elsweyr and eventually returned to Cyrodiil during the Oblivion crisis. He met Shimmers-In-Shallows (my HoK) and helped her out for a while and moved on (and faked his death). When the Red Year happened, he was so grief-stricken he couldn't prevent that he had a breakdown and shut down emotionally for a few years. Guilt isn't a particular feeling he likes expressing, because it's weakness. If you asked him what he did during that, he couldn't tell you for most of it. He did to back to Morrowind and help out both on the mainland and off (and hooked up with Teldryn at some point while he was there, though if either of them remember is debatable). Eventually, he made his way into Skyrim and met Dusk, who through which he also (re)met Teldryn and then Miraak. He's had a more decent and continuous support system, since and less likely to blow himself up trying some stupid shit

Miraak Stop Sending Teldryn Flying-- Character story wise, yeah they get along somewhat. In game, no :(

Fave thing-- I don't really know, his persistence maybe? He just keeps on truckin. That, or his lack of fear makes him fun to write/draw.

[awhst-alt]

I HAD THE BEST BYLER DREAM LAST NIGHT AND I REALLY WANNA SHARE IT WITH YOU ALL

it's so long (literally 2k words) so im gonna put it under the cut haha <3

so basically this would take place after mike and will start dating or something, idk exactly the time frame (i picture them being like 18 or something and this is the summer before college) and will goes to this summer arts program for like 2/3 months (i dunno how long american summer is but something like that) and its all the way far from home so there is dorms and stuff and he's "not in hawkins anymore" (no pun intended)

mike and will decide after will finishes his school they'd go to college together (cuz they're gonna be comic book artists together bc thats boyfriend shit) so throughout these months he's practically just waiting for will (<333333)

so one specific scene i remember from my dream involved will and mike getting off the bus to the school and then they hug and then mike grabs wills hand and brings him behind the bus and then he gives will a biggg kiss bc he won't be able to kiss him for 3 months. then they say they love each other and will gives him another quick kiss and is like "two kisses". they agree they'd call each other every day.

so will goes inside and mike goes back on the bus and goes home.

and basically the whole day is a whirl, until the end of it, in which mike is sitting in the kitchen near the phone waiting for like 3 hours for will to call, and will doesn't end up calling.

AND THEN IT GETS SPICYYYYY

so meanwhile at the arts program will asks like the front desk or something if he can call mike and they say phone is offlimits and they don't let him call mike

so then will goes to sleep and he's paranoid that he thinks mike is gonna hate him or something like that

mk than the next day in class there is this girl (they didn't reveal her name in the dream, ill call her stella) so stella is basically looking at will the entire class but will doesn't know it

so when they exit the class stella's like "hi" and will says "hi"

then stella says "i like your painting."

will is like rlly weirded out so he goes "thanks?"

"i um- hope this doesn't sound weird but i have no friends, do you want to be mine?"

"sure"

and then end of scene (this does not sound like a normal conversation but it's my dream so it doesn't have to make sense"

so BACK AT HAWKINS mike is still sleeping even tho it's like 3 pm because yk depressed boyfriend shit but then the PHONE RINGS and mike gets out of bed frantically and goes to the phone and he picks it up and is like "will?" and then it answers "it's el, idiot"

i feel like this is important for context but el speaks english very well now and hoppers back and she lives with hopper and not the byers anymore. ANYWAYS

el says "how's will?"

mike says "idk he didn't call"

"he didn't?"

"no, he didn't"

"okay. well maybe he will call later"

"yeah mb"

"wanna come over"

"ok"

so mike hangs up and gets changed and goes to el's house bc they r a couple o' besties and when he gets there it's like a therapy sessions bc mike usally talks to will every single day and he can't for like 3 months (unless will calls, but he's not going to) so he accepts he's gonna be depressed for 3 months and he's just talking to el about how he's gonna miss him so much and no be able to see his face and that shit

so el's like "well do u wanna do something to take ur mind off of him"

and mike's like "no im not gonna replace will" (I SCREAMED IN MY DREAM SRSLY)

but than el says "okay. guess im gonna go to the mall by myself" (ig starcourt is rebuilt by now)

and than mike bolts up and is like "fine"

"we can by something for will"

"okay yay"

so then they go to starcourt yasss!!

anyways back at the art school will is having lunch and stella is with he friends (even tho she said she doesn't have any friends) and one of her friends is like "omg did you see _____ he's so hot"

and another friend says "YESS! but ____ is cuter"

"what abt u stella? who do u have ur eyes on"

she says "byers" BUT NOOOOOOO WILL IS MIKES MAN

and they say "ew that kid who came back to life"

she says "yea. but he's cute, and shy, and once i wrap them around my finger i can get them to do anything"

so then she goes to sit down next to will at lunch

"hi will"

"hi"

"hru"

"im good"

"okay. good." and she gets upset because will goes ask how she is but she keeps her urging rage inside. and than they have this weird conversation and will is uncomfortable the whole time bc shes all like flirting with him and will is seeing someone obvi

but then she puts a hand on will's shoulder and he's shaking and then says something (idk what it is it wasn't explaining in my dream) then will stands up and runs to the bathroom. so he's just sitting in the stalls crying.

okay back at starcourt this part wasn't shown in my dream but im just gonna make up that mike and el go looking around starcourt for something for will (sort of like the mike/lucas/will montage where they were looking for stuff for el) and then i guess they find something for will and i don't have the slightest idea what they could have got for him BUT THEY GOT HIM SOMETHING GOOD

so mike's all happy but they'res still that depression inside of him lol

so fast forward a week, it really isn't explained but ill just make up that will still hasn't called mike, and he's super sad and all sleeping in but decides to look through his good ol binder full of will's drawings and in the arts school will and stella have a few more interactions im sure which are still very uncomfortable

okay so it's lunch again in the cafeteria and somehow will and stella are talking again but somehow it ends in stella kissing will and will like pulls away immediatley and is like "what is wrong with you!?"

and she says "what?"

"i'm seeing someone!"

"oh i uh- i didn't know."

the whole cafeteria is staring at them

so will's freaking out almost on the verge of a panic attack "idk what to do, he's gonna hate me and-"

"he?"

will has the look on his face like shit shit shit oh fuck no

"you're gay?"

"i-"

and will runs off once again. and everyone in the whole cafeteria knows that he's day and ofc with everybody being homophobic will knows it's not good at all bc everyone's gonna bully him

so then the next day he goes to class and the teacher is like "does anyone care to tell me where ___ is?" (it would be like a math question like 'where x is' but in art idkkk) and then the teacher calls on "will? can you tell me where ___ is?" and they'res a pause and then the teacher says "or perhaps you'd want to find your boyfriend instead?" (giving me anne with an e vibes prolly cuz i did a rewatch last weekend but i won't explain more in case some people haven't watched it but) anyways will stands up from his seat, everyone is looking at him, and he's shaking and so concerned but then he goes "fuck. you" badass will yeaaaa thats my boy

so then he runs out of the classroom and out of the school in a really cool montage way but then he realizes he's like 2 hours away from home but he runs and runs and he goes to a random bustop (it's not even garanteed if it takes him to hawkins but whatever) he gets on and tries to go back to hawkins.

and soon enough, he gets there, and immediatley goes to the wheelers because he needs to see mike and apologize for everything. so he's at the wheelers, and rings the doorbell, realizing he's still in his uniform lol but karen answers and mike is upstairs in his room sulking (i picture it would be 8 pm by now) so will asks for mike and karen calls mike. mike groans obviously because he doesn't know it's his boy, but he comes down, karen gets out of the way and as soon as he sees will they have a really big hug and it's super sweet and my heart UFHEIOSKA

mike says his usual "are you okay?" and mike is still confused as shit but will says "i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry" and mike says "you don't have to be sorry for anyrhing" but will says "ill explain"

so then they go to will's room, side-by-side on his bed and will starts explaining everything

(this is mostly improvised by me but it's still pretty similar to the dream)

"i hated it."

"the school?"

"yeah. there was no you, (mike blushes lmao), everything was terrible, i felt so lonely, they didn't let me call you-"

"what?"

"they said the phone was off limits. i wanted to talk to you so bad and i thought you'd hate me"

"i could never hate you, will, even if i tried." will smiles

"and then there was this girl, and she hit on me and i didn't know what to do bc i'd be the face of the school if i told her i was dating you and was gay and today she kissed me"

"WHAT"

"im sorry im sorry i didn't kiss back and i was so scared bc i never was in a relationship before and i was so scared it was considered cheating-"

and mike LAUGHSS

"what? mike? what's wrong?"

"if you don't do anything back, it's not considerd 'cheating'"

"oh. good. are you mad at me?"

"what? no! no never!" so mike opens his arms and says "come here" so will and mike hug or something like that and then mike says "do you need me to beat her up?"

and will says "you can't even beat eggs. besides, your noodle arms wouldn't be able to do harm to even a fly"

so mike laughs and says "i'm glad your home"

so will blurts "i cursed out a teacher"

"you? cursing?"

"yes."

"might have to start calling you a bad boy now"

will just smiles and says "i love you"

and mike says "i love you too"

AND THEN END AND IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF BC I LOVE THIS DREAM LIKE I CAN'T BELIEVE MY BRAIN THOUGHT OF THIS BUT IM OBSESSED

ALSO ONCE I FINISH WYBMFFAE ILL PROBABLY WRITE THIS INTO A FULL BLOWN FIC BUT AHIHFUSAH

edit: i have no idea what mike did with the present him and el bought for will but i guess they ended up giving it to him lol

[snarkwrites]

ssw | sweetpea; wondering what his kiss feels like. | fluff.

NOTES:

Okay, so.. Apparently my brain likes to torment me. Because earlier, I was going to outline the next chapter for my Sweetpea x Andrews!OFC fic Gangsta and my brain threw out a casual, “But have you considered.. Using the Lodge!OFC you were planning to use with Reggie Mantle.. With Sweetpea?” and this kind of.. came.

So.. if enough people are interested, I may be considering actually writing them a fic or doing more of these little things based around them.. and trying to delve more into possibly pairing Alyssa with Reggie? Because when I wrote their oneshot I felt like there was potential there too... Also, this one shot is a direct result of me, watching dirty dancing reenactments on tik tok and my love for the movie + the fact that Riverdale does musicals every season...

Anyway, enjoy?

PROMPTS:

taken from either [ HERE ] or [ HERE ] give or take. It could be one or the other or a mix of both at my own choosing.

the way he says your name / his fingers sliding between your own / wondering what your kiss feels like - these are the inspo prompts used for this oneshot.

FANDOM / CHARACTER

Riverdale / Sweetpea x Lodge!OFC, Marlena

OTHER WORKS SWEET PEA X MARLENA ARE USED IN

None BUT.. That could change, idk..

WARNINGS

Intense sexual tension. Arguing back and forth as a love language until someone snaps. Mutual crushes that turn into something more.. This one is absolutely safe for the kiddos aside from a few swears and the like.. Oh and one barely elaborated on incident of thigh riding / dirty dancing.

TAGGING

There’s absolutely no one on my Riverdale taglist. If you want to be on it, please let me know. Or add yourself to the link below.

OTHER STUFF

[ faq | sfw masterlist - safe for the kiddos but read with caution | tag list ] 

“I swear to God, if she doesn’t give me more, I’m going to fall asleep. Is this really all we could find to participate in the musical for you guys?” My sister's question drew me out of a silent stare war with Sweetpea across the auditorium. He rolled his eyes and I stuck out my tongue at him before turning my attention back to my older sister, sighing as I glanced in the direction of the stage up front. “ She’s not that bad.. I mean at least she had the guts to try out for a part?” I mused quietly, shaking my head. Disappointed at myself because I hadn’t signed up.

Stage fright is one hell of a deterrent. And I knew that if I had tried out, no matter how well I knew the movie we were doing our musical adaptation of this year, when opening night came and those curtains opened and I saw all those people sitting out in the seats? I was going to freeze. I’d completely ruin the show. I didn’t want that.

The best I could do was at least offer to do costumes for Kevin. I told myself that behind the scenes was still helping and being supportive but deep down, ugh.. I wanted to do so much more.

If I were half as brave as my older sister Veronica is when it comes to this kind of stuff… Everyone has their fears though. Mine just happen to be public speaking in front of large audiences. My sister tells me constantly that it doesn’t make sense because I can go all over competing in dance stuff and there’s a crowd there, but.. When I’m dancing, I’m focused on footwork. On steps and the music and the way it makes me feel. I don’t have to speak.

This is also ironic when you take into consideration I am not a shy girl by any stretch of the imagination. I’m actually quite vocal. But when it involves speaking in public?

I freeze. I shut down and in turn, I wind up looking like an idiot.

I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I didn’t notice that Veronica had gotten up out of her seat and walked over, taking the seat right beside Kevin. They were whispering back and forth. I laughed softly because knowing my sister, she was probably telling Kevin that Leah needed to find a better attitude or Kevin needed to find a better person to play Baby Housemann.

Oh, if only I had one tenth of a clue.

My sister came back over, sinking down into the seat next to me. “Feel better now?” I asked her, barely hiding my amusement as I said it. She giggled and nodded. “Much better. I want you to remember how much you love me…” she muttered.

I raised a brow. “What’s that even mean?”

“Just wait.”

“What the hell did you do, Ronnie?”

“You’ll find out, Marlena. Just wait.” Veronica wouldn’t give me any more of an answer than that. Grumbling to myself, I settled back in my seat and tried to focus on the ongoing argument between Leah and Kevin from the stage.

Rolling my eyes at her audacity. Literally anyone could’ve done her part better and she had the nerve to demand Kevin to change everything to fit her? Refusing to work with him on anything? Putting down the script when it was the same one they used in the movie?

Just the thought of it had me shaking my head and muttering to myself about the entitlement and audacity. Veronica gave a soft laugh and leaned in, mocking the way she’d delivered her last line and the fact that she wanted pretty much all her dialogue changed and constantly needed reasons why her character did anything they did.

“Marlena! Hey, Marlena, where are you?” Kevin was calling my name. I looked up from the whispered conversation I’d been having with my older sister Veronica and raised my hand, waiting.

“C’mon. I want to try something. Leah’s just not cutting it for me as Baby.” Kevin called out to me as he gave Leah an irritated dirty look. Leah threw down her script and walked out of the auditorium in a huff. “This is a stupid idea for a musical anyway. Nothing’s gonna top what the seniors are doing. Good luck, jackass.”

Veronica gave me a nudge and with a soft laugh, she leaned in, smiling as she whispered into my ear, “You were born for this, Marlena. Dirty Dancing is your all time favorite movie.”

“Excuse me? I thought we both established it was Crybaby. Then Grease. Then Dirty Dancing.” I teased, standing in a hurry. My sister’s rebuttal to this was to point out with a soft laugh that I definitely had my own special vibe and type of guy. I poked out my tongue at her and turned away. Making my way towards the front of the auditorium where Kevin stood.

Once I was up there, Kevin pressed a copy of our class’s script into my hands. “Congratulations, you’ve been promoted from costumes.” he smirked at me. “I have a feeling about you and this part. As a director, I’m going to go with my gut.”

“But I didn’t sign up..” I shuffled my feet. 

“ Yeah, well, the ones who did from your class obviously don’t care enough to bother showing up to practice or don’t care enough to give their best when they actually bother to come and we’re rehearsing.” Kevin shrugged. Taking his seat.

Alex, the guy who’d been cast as Johnny Castle, walked over. Wrinkling his nose at me as soon as he stood in front of me. Arms folded over his chest as he asked Kevin in a snobbish tone, “So we’re seriously just letting stage crew have parts now, Keller? Is that what this is? I thought you were going to help us make our musical better, not make it a massive failure.”

“Asshole.” I muttered under my breath, rolling my eyes as I stepped up to him, jabbing a finger into his chest. Giving him a piece of my mind because holy hell did his holier than thou attitude ever irritate me, “I’ll have you know, I probably know this movie line for line. I can probably do all the dances blindfolded, in a wheelchair. Who the hell do you think you are anyway? I saw you in Romeo and Juliet. I have never fallen asleep so fast in my entire life.” I smirked as I went quiet, rolling my eyes at him.

Alex chuckled and rolled his eyes right back at me, making the dismissive remark in response, “Did I ask you to speak? Did I address you directly? No. I didn’t. I was talking to the director. Don’t you have costumes to make or something? You’re holding up rehearsals.”

Out towards the back of the auditorium, I heard my sister cheering me on. Clapping and whistling. Telling me to give him hell and telling Alex he was awfully full of himself for someone who got a thumbs down by a New York theater critic over the summer.

I took a deep breath and glanced down at the script in my hands. Starting to read over it. Ignoring the argument between Kevin and Alex for the most part. Just trying to get myself in character while I waited. 

Alex grumbled and stormed back over, standing near me. His posturing tense and a supremely annoyed look in his eyes as he gave me half a second’s glance. Kevin gave the cue to start and Alex read his line first. 

“Look, spaghetti arms. This is my dance space. This is your dance space. I don't go into yours, you don't go into mine. You gotta hold the frame.”

Before I even got a chance to read off my line, Kevin was standing up. Making his way towards us. “You two are supposed to be dancing together. Marlena, you need to stand closer. Alex, you need to deliver the line in more of a teasing tone. Like you’re trying to taunt her. Playful. Not like you’re actually being an asshole. Like you’re flirting with her.”

“She’s not my type.” Alex rolled his eyes as he glanced at me. I glared up at him, a hand on my hip. Dangerously close to exploding all over again. I kept everything I’d been about to say to myself though, and with a deep breath, I listened as Kevin gave us both advice. Smirking to myself a little when he lit into Alex for being a drama queen.

After Kevin finished telling us what to fix, we prepared to try again. I stepped closer. Found myself glancing out in the crowd. My eyes settled on Sweetpea. 

I found him watching the whole thing play out with an amused smirk. His arms folded over his chest. Holding my gaze boldly. Daring me to look away first. I refused. If  I looked away first, that gave him the upper hand. I was not about to give him that.

,, That jackass. Look at him. All smug.. Ugh, I just wanna punch his stupid sexy face.” the thought surfaced and I quickly did my best at shoving it out again. I found myself thinking about a heated argument we’d had in the hallway earlier.

I found myself kind of drawing parallels between him and the character Alex was supposed to be playing but doing a terrible job at playing. I couldn’t work with the performance Alex was giving, he wasn’t giving me anything to work with. 

Somewhere in the midst of it all, I found myself replaying my earlier argument with Sweetpea. Stepping closer to Alex. Doing my best to play at a lack of experience in dance, despite my vast experience and love for it. Getting immersed in the role. Imagining myself as the character Baby.. And not Alex but Sweetpea as Johnny Castle.

Alex delivered his line a second time. His delivery wasn’t much better. Kevin grumbled to himself and made his way over yet again. This time, Kevin’s problem with the scene had absolutely nothing to do with me.

He addressed me first. “Please, please please.. You have to play Baby. You have to.” he gave me a pleading look. “I’m prepared to beg, okay?”

I pretended to mull it over. Smiling as I nodded. “Okay, alright.. I can still do costumes though, right? Because I already have a ton of ideas drawn up..” I shuffled my feet, giving Kevin a pleading look.

“Yeah! Definitely. You’re the only one I trust to do the costumes right, Marlena.” Kevin answered quickly.

He turned his attention to Alex and they got into a heated argument. Alex blamed his performance on me and the fact that I seemed standoffish and that I wasn’t up to his level and shouldn’t even be sharing a stage with him to begin with. Insisting that Kevin should at least give Josie McCoy a chance to play Baby in our play. She already had her hands full with the senior class musical and her performance during intermission and Kevin pointed that out.

“Josie can’t do both musicals and intermission twice, Alex. That’s asking way too much. Even from her, man. Marlena is Baby. You can adapt to that or you’re welcome to leave.” Kevin stood firm in his decision.

Alex eyed me and I stood taller. Smirking up at him. More than a little amused by the entire thing. He chuckled. Shrugging as he tossed down the script he’d been holding in his hands. “Fine. Try to find somebody else to do a better job at playing Johnny. See how that works out. I’m done. I refuse to participate in this mockery.”

He stormed out of the auditorium.

My sister Veronica and Josie McCoy shared a look and a nod. Veronica stood. Josie shot up out of her seat also and the two jogged over to Kevin. Getting him off to the corner of the auditorium. As the three of them whispered back and forth, I stood there, shuffling my feet. Reading ahead in the script.

Taking it all in.

Honestly enjoying the fact that I was going to be playing Baby Housemann in the junior class musical immensely more than I thought I would. ,, until opening night when you’re on stage in front of everyone and you either freeze, bolt out of the room or throw up everywhere.” my mind taunted.

I shoved out the intrusive thought.

Kevin chuckled out loud. Getting so excited that he didn’t keep his voice down when he spoke up. “Your minds, I swear. Yeah, we’re gonna try that. Right now, actually.” Kevin told my sister and Josie. They smirked at each other and as they walked past me, Veronica gave me a wink.

And almost as soon as she did, I braced myself. Because I have the sneaking suspicion that my sister was up to something. And if that something had to do with a certain Serpent reading against me as Johnny Castle?

I was literally going to die. I’d be totally doomed.

,, maybe not.” and even the surprise optimism had me laughing at myself because I knew better.

“Sweetpea, can you come up here, man?” Kevin called out.

I tensed just a little. Took a deep breath. Suddenly I knew exactly what my sister had been up to but my question now was why had Josie taken part in the whole idea? I thought she was dating him? They were hot and heavy at Cheryl’s party a few weeks ago and they went places together a lot …

I prayed for a portal to another dimension to open in the stage and take me out. If my sister has even slightly hinted that I may or may not have feelings for the giant jerk to anyone I swear to God.. I’ll die.

Sweetpea hopped over the chair in front of him and walked down the long aisle, stopping where Kevin sat in the front row. The two were whispering back and forth and more than one time, Sweetpea glanced back at me. Smirking. Chuckling as he listened to what Kevin was telling him and rubbing his chin as he pretended to think something over.

Sweetpea looked over at me and shrugged as he answered Kevin. “I can try. I’m not makin any promises though because I don’t dance and I’ve never seen this movie.”

“Just trust me. You’re as Johnny as Johnny gets, Pea.” Kevin encouraged. I wanted to kick him so badly at that moment. Did he seriously have to encourage Sweetpea? There had to be someone else… anyone else. Someone I didn’t have a massive crush on and yet also want to strangle.

I pretended to stick my finger down my throat and gag, as per usual when Sweetpea locked eyes with me again as he walked towards where I stood..

 ,, because God forbid you let him even get an ounce of suspicion that you have a crush on the guy.” my brain was at it again with the taunting. I pushed it all down deep and took a deep breath or two.

“You did this just to be an asshole.” I muttered.

“No, I did this because Kevin’s my friend. Not everything I do is about pissing you off, princess.” Sweetpea chuckled as he said it. Adding in a quieter tone, “Just because you’re Marlena Lodge… That doesn’t make everything about you.”

My jaw set and I glared up at him. Taking a deep breath or two. Reminding myself that despite Sweetpea now reading as Johnny Castle, I still loved this movie and I wanted our class’s play to be worth watching. That I couldn’t mess this up. I couldn’t let Sweetpea taunt and torment me into messing this up either.

I didn’t want to disappoint Kevin because he was one of my best friends. He was depending on me to at least try to do my best here.

Kevin gave the signal for us to start from the top of the scene.

I stepped closer. My body brushing against Sweetpea’s. Sweetpea mirrored this and grabbed hold of my arms, pulling them out in front of me just like Patrick Swayze did in the actual movie as he recited the line.

And the tone in his voice, oh my god.

“Look, spaghetti arms. This is my dance space. This is your dance space. I don't go into yours, you don't go into mine. You gotta hold the frame.”

I responded with my line. Stepping closer, even throwing in an accidental mis-step on the top of his foot on my own. 

Kevin continued to sit, watching us rehearse. By the time we got to the scene where Johnny is telling Baby that he got fired, I could feel more people’s eyes on us. And I swallowed hard, trying not to focus on being watched and how that felt, but instead, on the script. On what I had to say and how I felt like it needed to come across.

And maybe, in my own mind, I was imagining how I’d act if I were in Baby’s shoes. Having just argued with my father about the guy I was in love with only to turn and find out that despite my own optimism at convincing the guy to do the right thing, nothing worked out the way I wanted at all.

Sweetpea must have caught on to my anxiety because he muttered quietly, “You good, princess?” as he covertly brushed his hand against mine. Clearing his throat to get my attention and keep me from getting nervous and blanking out or bolting off the stage.

I gazed up at him a second or two, finally nodding. Managing to ground myself somehow and I tried my best to convince myself it was not because Sweetpea’s fingers laced through mine. Almost as if he’d caught hold of my hand to keep me from leaving.

,, He’s just doing that because it’s in the script. You’re supposed to be having a heated discussion and you’re about to walk away upset. That’s the only reason he grabbed your hand. It has nothing to do with the fact that you kind of freaked out a little and lost your focus.” I reminded myself grimly as I caught up to where we were on the page and took a deep breath, preparing for my turn to speak.

As I delivered my next line, “So I did it for nothing.I hurt my family, you lost your job anyway-- I did it for nothing!” I wanted to disappear into the stage floor when my sister stood up in her chair, clapping and whistling. But the way I said it sounded so wistful. Disappointed and bitter. Like I was truly hurting.

Sweet Pea said his line. “No, no, not for nothin', Baby! Nobody has ever done anything like that for me before.” and I paused. Staring up at him. Blown away because he sounded so sincere too. Like for a second or two, this was really taking place and it wasn’t just some silly rehearsal. Like he meant what he was saying.

But I knew he didn’t. We tolerate each other at best. At our worst, we’re at each other’s throats constantly. Finding any and all excuses to rip into each other or push the other’s buttons. Because it’s just what we do.

But his tone. The look in his eyes when he delivered the line. The way his eyes fixed on me, searching. Waiting.

“It’s your turn, princess.. Cat got your tongue?” he muttered under his breath to draw me out of my own inner turmoil.

I took a deep breath and scanned the page. Finding my next line. “You were right, Johnny. You can't win no matter what you do!” and I could feel him staring as I said it. Biting his lip when I lazily punched at his chest because it felt like the right thing to do in the heat of the moment to show how upset the character was. I shook my head and dropped my eyes. “You were right.” I muttered in a quieter tone.

Sweetpea reached out, rough fingertips gripping my jawline. Guiding my eyes back up to meet his as he replied with the next line, “You listen to me. I don't wanna hear that from you. You can!”

And again, it sounded so real. Emotional. Like we were really having this argument. I was really getting into this. Probably a little too much for my own good. I sighed and shook my head sadly. Biting my lip as I stepped away a little and continued to shake my head, arguing back, “I used to think so.” and after a second or two, adding in a quieter tone, “Now I don’t know anymore.” even though it wasn’t in the script.

Sweetpea was staring at me. Thoughtful. Intent. Almost as if he were actually seeing me and not all the stupid things he’d written me off as from the word go on the first time we met. He cleared his throat and that shit-eating smirk was back again. “Not too bad, huh?”

“Jackass.” I muttered, mostly to myself. Still a little dazed.

Kevin called for a break and made his way over.

“Okay, we’re going to take this all the way from the beginning tomorrow. I wish I’d done this sooner. We’re going to have to practice the lift next. Because the lift is iconic. We have to pull that off or I’m gonna want to punch myself in the throat.” Kevin was excited, rambling away a mile a minute.

Sweetpea spoke up. “What about my part in the senior musical?”

“You can do both. We’ll move the junior musical to a different night. You have to do this. C’mon…”

Sweetpea grumbled and finally muttered with a shrug, “Okay, alright. Fine. Shit. I’ll do it. But I’m not wearing tights, are we clear?”

“You really haven’t seen the movie at all… have you?” I scoffed as I gazed up at Sweetpea. He mimicked me and shrugged. “I’ve seen bits of it. But I know one thing and that’s dancers wear tights. I’m not wearing tights. Not happenin.”

“For your information, you big idiot, Patrick Swayze does not wear tights a single time in this movie. At least not that I remember and I’ve seen it a thousand times... Suit and tie, maybe.”

Sweetpea grumbled and raised a brow.

“Not for the whole movie, damn it.. Black jeans and a black shirt will suffice for most of it. You can even wear your leather jacket, you big man-baby. Johnny Castle wears one in the movie.” I answered. Stepping closer to him to sort of get a visual read on his measurements so that when the time came I at least kind of had an idea of what worked. Sweetpea chuckled, dragging his fingers through his hair as he gazed down at me. “See something you like, princess?”

“I’m trying to figure out what I’m gonna need for your costume, dingus.” I replied as calmly as possible.

“Ya know, you could always just measure me… Right? Or ask me my size?”

“Oh you’d enjoy that entirely too much. And I’d have to touch you. No, nope. No thanks, I’ll pass.”

“I’m gonna have to touch you anyway. That lift or whatever it was that had Kevin rambling just now.” Sweetpea barely hid his amusement as he stepped even closer. A hand at my hip. Lingering.

For a second or two, I was lost in his eyes and totally oblivious to anything going on around us and then Kevin shattered that by starting the last song of the musical and calling for everyone to take their places.

And from the crowd, Fangs spoke up.

“Hey babe.. What if we got all the extras from the clubhouse scene to come in through the crowd? Just like the movie?” Fangs was smirking at both Sweetpea and I as he spoke up. Enjoying this entire situation way too much.

“Fangs, you brilliant and beautiful man, this is exactly why I love you so much.” Kevin smirked as he rubbed his chin and called out. “Okay, if you were an extra in the clubhouse scene, go to the doors of the auditorium. When Fangs gives the signal, you’ll come in. Dancing.”

He turned to Sweetpea. “You go with them.”

Sweetpea managed to break the staredown we had going on and he nodded. Grumbling as he walked towards the front of the auditorium.

Everything went pretty well until we got to the part where I was supposed to run to Sweetpea and he was supposed to lift me over his head. I took off, running towards him.

I missed the mark. Wound up with my legs wrapped around his waist, clinging for dear life while he staggered back just a little. Both of us arguing about whose fault it was that we messed up.

Kevin cleared his throat.

“You guys need more practice. Maybe you could rehearse together?”

Sweetpea and I glanced at each other, mulling it over.

“Fine.” Sweetpea ground out through a jaw tightly clenched. A glance at Fangs revealed that the reason he agreed without a huge fight was probably something to do with the way Fangs was giving him a demanding look.

“Fine.” I answered. Swallowing hard.

Trying to pull myself together because frankly, I was still all sorts of stirred up from the way he’d actually caught me and the fact that no, I hadn’t wanted him to put me back on my feet at the end, either.

I spoke up again. “We can do it at the bunker.” I suggested. Trying to think of a neutral place that didn’t favor either of us heavily. A place we could hopefully be alone and focus. And probably scream and shove and storm away to cool off if things got too heated.

“8 work for you or does daddy let you out past your bedtime, princess?” Sweetpea taunted, smirking at me when I glared and rolled my eyes.

“ I do what I want.” I scoffed at his parting jab. 

From behind me, my sister spoke up. “Are you ready, Marlena?” as she looked back and forth between Sweetpea and I with an amused grin.

“Yeah. We need to get going.” I answered.

 As my sister and I walked out of the auditorium, my sister gave a soft laugh. “That wasn’t so bad, huh? I knew you could do it.”

“Oh shut up.” I grumbled, managing a weak smile. “We haven’t made it to the night of yet. Don’t jinx this. Remember what happened last time I had to get up in front of people and talk in any capacity?”

“Marlena, that was kindergarten. Maybe it’ll be different.”

“Veronica, I threw up everywhere. And not gracefully, either. It was a full on projectile vomit.”

“That was something. The chemistry between you and Sweetpea in there. I felt like I was actually watching the movie.”

“He’s an ass. And he hates me, remember?”

“Yeah, well.. It didn’t look that way to me, Marlena. If he hated you, he wouldn’t have been standing so close the entire time… or the way he grabbed your hand?” my sister questioned.

I shrugged it off. “Can we change the subject?”

“Why? Afraid I might be right?” my sister teased, as usual.

TIME SKIP

“Okay, if he’s not here in ten minutes, I’m leaving. This place gives me the creeps.” I muttered to myself almost the exact second that I managed to find a spiderweb with my face and shriek about it.

Low chuckling from behind me had me turning. Finding myself body to body with Sweetpea as he tried not to laugh.

“Do you talk to yourself a lot or do I make you that nervous, princess?” he taunted. I gave a light shove and stepped away, pouting up at him. Quick to argue that he didn’t make me nervous, not at all, not even a little.

Despite knowing that the truth of the matter was yes. Yes, he made me extremely nervous. Because he was so distinctly my type and I just longed for what I knew wouldn’t ever work out between us because we were entirely too different.

“In other words, yes. I make you that nervous.” Sweetpea’s jaw set in a line and I flinched a little. Not wanting to fight with him.

I quickly changed the subject, nodding to a little tv and dvd player I’d rigged up earlier and the brown paper bags with Pop’s logo on the front.

“We need to rehearse. Not whatever this is.” Sweetpea was still irritated.

“Yes, well.. You’re never going to realize just how huge a part of the story Johnny Castle is until you’ve seen the movie.”

Sweetpea rubbed his chin in thought. “How long is this fucking movie?”

“Maybe two hours? C’mon… Or do you have a hot date waiting?” -the hint of jealousy that crept into my tone was enough to make me tense up a little. Pray to God he hadn’t picked up on it. Lucky for me, he didn’t seem to, instead, he was already digging into the grease stained paper bags, grabbing himself a burger and fries.

Sprawling on the little twin sized bed.

I dug out my own food and sat down, close to the edge of the bed, careful not to sit too close to him because I didn’t want to crowd him or annoy him or give him the wrong impression.. Or in my case, the right impression though I’d die before admitting that to him. 

After hitting play on the DVD player, the opening title splashed across the screen and I smiled, settling into my chosen seat just a little more comfortably.

About thirty minutes into the movie, I could feel his eyes fixed on me. I turned to look back at him, a brow raised. “What?”

“You know every single line.”

I felt my cheeks burn a little, shrugging it off as I nodded. Answering through a mouth full, “When we were little.. Veronica and I used to watch this movie whenever it was raining or we were sick. We’d get cozy in one of our rooms with snacks and blankets and we’d just like… imagine life being that simple. Doesn’t help that Johnny Castle is - to quote my sister, “Totally your kind of man.” “ I gave a sheepish laugh and took a handful of my fries, raking them through my milkshake.

Sweetpea rose to sit. Leaning in a little. Extending his arm and wiping his thumb over the corner of his mouth as he cleared his throat. “You had some milkshake…” before falling silent all over again. Staring at me for seconds that seemed to stretch infinitely. It  felt like everything fell away. All that remained was that thick tension. The flickering of the candles I’d lit earlier against the wall. The tension got to me. It had everything I wanted to say but couldn’t find the nerve threatening to come out.

“I don’t bite, ya know.” he muttered quietly. Pulling away a little. That look in his eyes again. 

It hit me. He honestly thought I disliked him. Or thought that I was better than him. Nothing could be further from the truth and realizing how he must have felt and what probably fuelled most of the comments and the arguments between us was the fact that he thought I viewed him as a lesser person somehow… that really got to me.

“I, uh.. I didn’t want to crowd you.” I managed to get the words out after a few seconds. Not daring to look at him. Desperate for a rewind button so maybe I could go back in time to when I first met him and salvage everything.

Desperate to tell him how I really felt.

Especially when I remembered what Veronica mentioned earlier about the way Josie just shut him out.

“Oh.”

The movie caught our attention again. After a minute or two of sitting poised right at the edge of the bed like I’d been and longing to really get comfortable, I settled in the sliver of space next to him. Trying not to think about the fact that the bed being as small as it was gave us literally no space and we were forced to touch.

Thirty minutes passed. Sweetpea sat up.

“ I think I get it now.” he muttered.

“Yeah?” I was getting lost in his eyes all over again.

“Mhm.” he affirmed. 

I sat up and so did he. “It’s cheesy as hell, but… I get it. Kinda know how the guy feels.” Sweetpea’s gaze settled on his hands and he chuckled to himself, the sound almost bitter.

“I’m sorry. I heard about you and Josie breaking up.”

“We didn’t. You can’t break up with someone if they never wanted to be with you to begin with.” Sweetpea answered. He tensed up a little and I sighed. Wishing I hadn’t opened my mouth.

That tension between him and I doubled.

In an attempt to make things just a little lighter, I slipped off the bed. Held out my hand.

Sweetpea eyed it warily. 

I insisted, “Oh come on, please? Just one dance. You did say we had to practice. And I dance, so I can definitely tell you that if we don’t at least somewhat connect, we’re going to be awkward and it’s going to look bad.”

Did I really just do that?

The scene where Baby goes to Johnny’s cabin and spends the night was just beginning and I swallowed hard as soon as I glanced back up at Sweetpea and realized that he was staring at the television in a daze. I cleared my throat to get his attention.

“You want me to dance with you.. Like that. Okay.” Sweetpea towered over me. Closing the space between our bodies before I had a chance to back out of what I asked of him. His hands went straight to my hips. Holding my body in place against his as he chuckled, looking down at me. “You’re the one who wanted to dance, princess.”

“Yeah.” I managed to stammer. Breathless. Helpless thanks to the way his fingers dug into my hips and held me against him. But when they started to move up and down my sides, oh… I felt myself shiver at the touch. Melting against him on my own. I’d been trying my best not to give in and do that.

I trained my eyes on the front of his plaid shirt because I didn’t dare look up at him.

His leg slipped between mine and I bit my lip. Breath catching in my throat all over again as I rubbed myself against his thigh. My usual careful,guarded filter was gone.

All I cared about was doing whatever I could to show Sweetpea that what he thought I felt towards him wasn’t true.

His hands settled across my ass. Fingers digging in as he gasped quietly. A groan slipping out as he muttered in a daze, “You really are a good dancer, huh?”

“I, uh… I compete. My parents are huge on pushing my sister and I into competitive activities, whether we want it or not.” I babbled.

It must have bothered him that I wasn’t looking at him because he gripped my jaw, guiding my gaze up. “But you like dancing. I can tell.”

,, maybe it’s just dancing like this with you.” the thought came. I stopped just shy of actually letting it slip out. I sighed and smiled, nodding in agreement. Because that was so much easier than everything else I wanted to do or say. ,, besides,” my brain continued to taunt, “why on Earth is he going to want you when he could have literally anyone else?” and the thought had me pouting a little.

I didn’t think he was aware of it.

“What?” he asked. Tensing a little. Loosening his grip on my body just a little bit. Seeming as if he wanted to step away from me. Before I had the chance to talk myself out of it, I melted against him all over again. Raising my arms to slip them around his neck.

“Nothing.” I answered after a few seconds.

“You were pouting again. That’s kind of a thing you do when you’re upset, you’re not getting your way or you’re annoyed.”

The fact that he picked up on that had me raising a brow. Scoffing. About to argue that I didn’t pout all the time, but keeping quiet because I knew he was right.

But how -and when, had he noticed?

“Dreading the fact that I’m going to get up there on stage and see everyone watching and I will panic.” I muttered quietly because a half truth was better than the whole truth or a complete lie.

If I told him the real reason I’d been pouting, well.. That would’ve opened up a can of worms that I’m not sure about opening. God I want to. But if I just lay it all on the line…

I can’t.

Sweetpea raised a brow. He started to say something but he went quiet on me. Thinking.

“But you’re so loud.” he finally spoke up.

I pouted up at him, giving his chest a light smack. “I ought to step on your foot, sir.”

“Won’t hurt. Boots are steel toe.” Sweetpea smirked as he said it. Sticking his tongue out at me.

He dipped me and I hadn’t been expecting it. I gasped and he chuckled. “Not so bad at this dancing shit, hmm?” he questioned as he pulled me back up. His hands moved up and down my back before settling on my ass again. Squeezing when I rocked myself over his thigh just a little before I could stop myself because what he was doing was getting me worked up.

I sighed a little. Melting all over at the way he touched me and held me. Admitting with a quiet laugh, “You’re actually not. And I can teach you more..” trailing off and going quiet.

“You can, huh?”

His voice was this perfect mix of gravel and silk and I had to clench my thighs just a little. Found myself praying to whatever God might exist that I didn’t get too excited and leave a wet spot behind on his jeans. Because that would definitely seal the embarrassment and awkwardness factor. And I didn’t want that.

I was staring intently at his chest again when he tucked his fingers beneath my chin and tilted my head. “Careful what you say, princess. I might actually take you seriously.”

“I’m being serious. I don’t mind at all.” I babbled and instantly, I wanted to punch myself in the throat for it. This awkward version of myself wasn’t me but for whatever reason, Sweetpea seemed to bring it out. All my insecurities seemed to come rushing to the surface. Taunting me with the knowledge that there was no way he’d ever be interested in me beyond the convenience of a good screw. Knowing that even if he were, something would go wrong somehow.

He dipped me again. This time when he pulled me back up, our faces bumped against each other and when my mouth brushed against his, I couldn’t stop the quiet gasp that came. His fingers dug into my body just a little more and we were staring at each other.

Dazed.

“Pea?”

“What’s up, princess?” he muttered after a second or two. Blinking as if he were trying to focus.

“Nothing.” I muttered. Losing my nerve and my train of thought. Pushing down everything I’d been about to say all over again.

“ Why do you do that? Just say whatever it is you want to say.”

“Oh, I don’t think you want me to do that.” I muttered, mostly to myself. My gaze trained on anything and everything but his. He guided my face up and licked his lips, his eyes darting down. Settling on my mouth. “What if I do?” he muttered in response after a few seconds.

“Okay, fine. I was wondering what..” I trailed off. Frustrated. Laughing at myself and shaking my head. “Forget it. It’s stupid.”

“Tell me, woman. Damn.” his tone was firm and I swallowed hard as I looked up at him.

He was going to keep at it until I said something and right now, I was drawing a blank on any other convenient things I could say that were less controversial than what I’d stopped myself from saying.

,, maybe if you say it, he’ll know that you don’t hate him.” the thought came.

I took a deep breath. Shaky.

“I was wondering what your kiss feels like.” I muttered, my voice dropping so low that for a second, I didn’t think he heard me.

His jaw dropped. One hand left my ass and raised. Dragging through thick dark hair as he tugged. His mouth opening and closing.

“What? You kept asking… I.. You don’t have to. I didn’t want to make it weird.” I babbled nervously. When he started to chuckle, I looked up at him with a brow raised. “Gee, thanks.” I pouted.

Stepping away. Because if I didn’t put some distance between us right then, I was going to keep digging the hole deeper.

He reached out and grabbed me by the hips, pulling me against him all over again. Rocking himself into me clumsily. His face inching closer and closer to my own. Our mouths were on a collision course and neither of us bothered to stop it from happening. His lips settled against the corner of my mouth clumsily. His tongue traced the outline of my lips and I shivered and melted against him like I’d been before. Clinging. My arms around his neck again. Fingers toying with the hair at the nape of his neck before settling my hand across to rest and pull his mouth back against mine.

My lips parted, granting him access. His tongue slipped past my lips and he melted into me this time. Deepening the kiss. Using his grip on my ass to pull me up his body slightly. I sighed as the kiss broke, my tongue rolling over kiss swollen lips. Staring at him as I tried to wrap my head around what just happened.

How badly I wanted it to happen again.

“Well?”

I bit my lip. Trying to formulate words. Anything. My brain must have short-circuited because I came up with nothing, despite all the opening and closing of my mouth as I attempted to answer.

I’m not sure what possessed me to do it or why I thought it was a good idea, but I was grabbing hold of the back of his neck. Pulling his mouth back against mine greedily. Taking total control of the kiss this time around. Making him chuckle into the kiss. 

As we pulled apart to breathe, he repeated his question.

“Better than my wildest dreams.” I blurted out quietly.

“So you dream about kissing me?” he asked, tucking his fingers beneath my chin so that I couldn’t do what I tended to when a subject got to be too uncomfortable for me… I swallowed hard and admitted in a hushed tone, “Among other things.”

He growled out the word “Fuck.” and pulled me up his body completely. Deepening the kiss to a point where I almost forgot to breathe a time or two. I could feel myself getting light-headed. The kiss broke and we pulled apart, breathing heavily. I melted against him, dazed. Still trying to get my head around the turn the night had taken.

“It’s getting late, princess.”

“It is.”

“I should probably get you home.”

I pouted a little. Holding onto him just a little tighter. “Unfortunately.” I muttered.

He scooped me off the table and carried me out of the bunker. Sitting me on the back of his motorcycle. I wrapped my arms around him and leaned against his back, the Serpent patch scratching at my skin a little.

The drive back to the Pembrooke took almost no time and as soon as his motorcycle stopped at the curb, I pouted a little. Rolling my eyes at the literal ivory tower.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” I asked as I slipped off the back of his motorcycle.

 He grabbed hold of my hips, pulling me against him. Leaning down and stealing another deep kiss. “Mhm. Definitely, princess.”

I practically floated up the stairs leading into the lobby of the building. And I leaned against the wall, waiting on the elevator. Trying to pull myself together. Smiling like an idiot.

[watchyourbluesturngolden]

songs that make me think of vampy and why

this is for drea and leyla ONLY thank u

daylight- taylor swift "i don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you, i don't wanna think of anything else now that i thought of you" bc vampy loves her so much he only wants her 😔 midnight love- girl in red "I know I'm the last one you try to call but I always give in to give you it all" "your silver is my gold" bc miss chiropractor treated him terribly but he loved her with everything and would have gone back to her no matter what watch you sleep- girl in red this one is obvious: bc vampy watches bloodbag sleep :) also "the scar on your spine, you fell off a roof when you were nine" is all appreciating the tiny details about someone and that is definitely something vampy would do :( paper rings: taylor swift "i hate accidents except when we went from friends to this" line without a hook- ricky montgomery "oh baby i am a wreck when i'm without you" bc vampy loves bloodbag so much he just wants to be with her always 😔 dead girl in the pool- girl in red this one is kinda weird but i feel like bloodbag is gonna die at some point and then vampy will just be like "theres a dead girl in the pool (or wherever her corpse is laying slfjskldfjkldsj) i don't know what to do" and then he's gonna make this face

bad habits- ed sheeran bc he was just slutting around before he met bloodbag demons- imagine dragons dont make fun of me for this I KNOW but fr it's vampy renegade- taylor swift "you wouldn't be the first renegade to need somebody" he needs bloodbag 😔 starting line- luke hemmings i can't really explain this one but it's like how you always talk about how his happiness is overshadowed by the fact that he's a monster or whatever million dollar bills - lorde "theres nothing i want but money and time" and vampy has literally all the money and time :) solar power- lorde this is harrys hot girl anthem idk happiness- taylor swift "there'll be happiness after you, but there was happiness because of you" this is him reminiscing on miss chiropractor i wanna get better-bleachers "i didn't know i was lonely til i saw your face" "I didn't know i was broken til i wanted to change" come on 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 good 4 u - olivia rodrigo this is his fuck u song for miss chiropractor my tears ricochet- taylor swift "if i'm dead to you why are you at the wake" it's ironic innit 😌 what a feeling- one direction "what a feeling to be right here beside you now, holding you in my arms" please 😔 "everybody needs someone around" 😔😔😔 "but i can't hold you too close now" bc he has severe attachment and commitment issues :) all you had to do was stay- taylor swift "had me in the palm of your hand, then, why'd you have to go and lock me out when i let you in" omg miss chiropractor really hurt him 😔 king of my heart- taylor swift "and all at once you are the one i have been waiting for" bloodbag @ vampy 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 cruel summer- taylor swift "I love you ain't that the worst thing you ever heard" bc he knows getting close to bloodbag will ultimately only lead to pain for everyone involved "i don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you" bc he can't tell bloodbag everything about him even tho he probably wants to :( thank u next- arianna grande this is weird BUT if miss chiropractor hadn't fucked him up so much he never would have met bloodbag tear in my heart- 21 pilots again don't make fun of me for this I HAVE AN EXPLANATION "you fell asleep in my car i drove the whole time but that's okay i'll just avoid the holes so you sleep fine" if bloodbag fell asleep in his car he would definitely do this :( shape of you-ed sheeran "now my bedsheets smell like you" his room probably smells like honey and lavender all the time now and he's probably foaming at the mouth constantly cowboy in LA "let's skip the club, lets skip the crowd, i wanna take you on a date" bc they both hate clubs!!!!! "I'll hold your hand I'll hold the door bc that's how i was raised" he's a gentleman 😔😔😔😔 & burn- billie eilish "i'll sit and watch your car burn with the fire that you started in me, but you never came back to ask it out" idk for some reason this has vampy and miss chiropractor vibes take me to church- hozier religious trauma babes 🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼 speechless- dan+shay "i'm speechless, staring at you standing there in that dress" love 😔 yours- russel dickerson "i came to life when i first kissed you, the best me has his arms around you, you make me better than i was before, thank god i'm yours" SCREAMING AND CRYING AND SHAKING tolerate it- taylor swift "i know my love should be celebrated, but you tolerate it" MISS ******** DIDN"T APPRECIATE OR CELEBRATE HIS LOVE MIA- anarbor "thinking about my life and everything i did wrong along the way"😔 lay low- josh turner for when bloodbag and vampy go to a cabin in the woods for a week and just love each other 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 who can save me now- anarbor "you stabbed me in the back" this one is pretty literal LSKFJLKSJFLKDSJ "you could have at least been kind enough to let me turn around" ouch 😔 dopamine- anarbor "i'm hooked on your dopamine" vampy and bloodbag ugh lie to me- 5sos this give me vampy and ******** vibes "i wish we never met, cause you're too hard to forget" "while i'm cleaning up your mess i know he's taking

off your dress" bc she probably cheated on him while they were together 😔 and he would have stayed with her if she told him she loved him, even if he knew it was a lie 😔 cotton candy- yungblud it's just a happy song with good vibes like bloodbag and vampy currently have :) small talk- niall horan i don't even have to say anything here pillowtalk- zayn "so we'll piss off the neighbors" chappy 9 vibes dancing with our hands tied- taylor swift "i loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us" vampy rn 😔 once in a lifetime- one direction vampy will live a million lifetimes but he will only ever have one bloodbag 😔 holy ground- taylor swift "tonight i'm gonna dance for all that we've been through but I don't wanna dance if i'm not dancing with you" they've come so far omg 😔 since we're alone- niall horan "you can show me your heart, if you put it all in my hands no i swear no i won't break it apart" crying if i could fly- one direction "for your eyes only i'll show you my heart" rollercoaster- bleachers again i can't explain it but it makes me think of him 😔 so long- niall horan "so if we knew all along why did it take so long" good question bestie current location- LANY "i need your current location to be my current location" they're idiots in love and want to be together all the time 😔 why dont we go there- one direction "hey i don't want you to be the one that got away i wanna get addicted to you you're rushing through my mind i wanna feel the high i wanna be addicted" well hes already addicted to her blood so might as well like you lots- LANY bc they both have issues and can't say love lmao too much to ask- niall horan vampy though wanting love was too much to ask of miss chiropractor 😔 walking in the wind- one direction this one just has his vibes man 😔 heartbeat- carrie underwood "dancing to the rhythm of your heartbeat" bc vampy is obsessed with listening to bloodbag's heart (fan behavior if you ask me) idfc- blackbear this is vampy and ******** bc "tell me that you love me even if it's fake" city of angels- 24kgoldn "i sold my soul to the devil for designer" yes this made me laugh the woods- olivver the kid "waking up in the middle of the woods" "don't you wanna get out of here, out of the woods" flashback to when he was dead in the woods oop "you brought me down to the river, and you pushed me in, hoping that the white rapids would challenge my ability to swim" bc... she's a murderer omg this verse is talking about leaves and i'm freaking out it fits 100% this is crazy "You pick up two handfuls You tell me they're all dried up & dead You know that's nothing like us We'll live forever instead" just a little bit of your heart- ariana grande vampy bc he loves so deeply and completely that he will give all of himself to someone even if they won't do the same my strange addiction- billie eilish bc he is addicted to her blood :) cross your mind- niall horan this is vampy and ******** "love the way you hurt me and it doesn't even cross your mind" "leaving me in pieces (literally lmao) but i swear it's worth it every time" everywhere- niall horan that scene where vampy smelled some perfume or soap or something and it made him think of bloodbag 😔 everything makes him think of her now 😔 "swear it's hard to think it's hard to breathe when you're in the air" put a little love on me- niall horan "you're the only one i need" 😔 bend the rules- niall horan VAMPY AND ******** ALL THE WAY "i'm not saying that you're lying but you're leaving out the truth" heartbreak weather- niall horan "all of my life i've been sleepwalk living, running around the same bars i've been in, it can be so lonely in this city, but it feels different when you're with me" bloodbag and vampy 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 mr loverman- ricky montgomery "i miss my lover man" vampy is probably dramatic like this all the time now that they're official 😔 bad blood- taylor swift again, just for the irony 😌 vapor- 5sos "i want to breathe you in like a vapor i want to be the one you remember i want to feel

your love like the weather all over me" they're so in love like this 😔 catch fire- 5sos "all my life i've been waiting for moments to come" he's been waiting for bloodbag his entire life 😔 beside you-5sos "i wish i was beside you" they want to be together all the time 😔 black and white- niall horan "that first night i was standing at your door fumbling for your keys then i kissed you" ARE YOU KIDDING ME not in the same way- 5sos this is vampy and ******** just bc they were so toxic lkfjskldfjsdlkjf lonely heart-5sos "and i haven't slept in days" lmao ghost of you-5sos "my feet dont dance like they did with you" thinking about when vampy danced for bloodbag and what if they break up 👁️👁️ why wont you love me- 5sos vampy at ******** 😔 he just wanted to be loved 😔😔😔😔😔 fool's gold- one direction "i let you use me from the day that we first met" "i know your love's not real, but that's not the way it feels" STOP IM SAD last first kiss- one direction "let me be your last first kiss" i want them to be together forever 😔 truly madly deeply- one direction "foolishly completely falling and somehow you kicked all my walls in" bloodbag really snuck into his heart huh 😔 fireproof -one direction "nobody saves me baby the way you do" ugh 😔 long story short-taylor swift "clung to the nearest lips long story short it was the wrong guy" (or in vampy's case the wrong vampire) gold rush-taylor swift "and the coastal town we run around has never seen a love as pure as it" bloodbag and vampy are all i want 😔 no judgement- niall horan bc vampy would never judge bloodbag 😔 daddy issues- the neighborhood again im not even gonna say anything here new angel- niall horan "the touch of someone else to save me from myself" this is vampy 😔 god is a woman- ariana grande vampy after he brought bloodbag home the first time something like this- the chainsmokers "just something i can turn to, somebody i can kiss" ALL VAMPY WANTS IS LOVE sweater weather- the neighborhood idk this song makes me think of him all of me- john legend "all of me loves all of you all your curves and all your edges all your perfect imperfections" KSFLKSDJFKLDJSFLJSDKLFJDSKL i like me better- lauv "i like me better when i'm with you" she makes him a better person 😔 sex- eden "oh no, i think i'm catching feelings" vampy when bloodbag went on a date with someone else half a heart- one direction bc bloodbag completes him 😔 theyre so disgusting 😔 only angel- harry styles "turns out she's a devil in between the sheets" woman- harry styles vampy when she was on a date with someone else bc hes a jealous moron temporary fix- one direction this has chappy 1-2 vibes a.m.-one direction when they first started falling in love and he wanted to be with her more often 😔 something great- one direction "i want you here with me like how i pictured it so i don't have to keep imagining" through the dark- one direction just all of this song 😔 happily- one direction "you know i wanna be the one who holds you when you sleep i just want it to be you and i forever" 😔 electric love- borns "i can't let you go now that i got it" canyon moon- harry styles they're just happy like this rn 😔 sunflower vol. 6- harry styles "kiss in the kitchen like it's a dancefloor" "mouth full of toothpaste" when they brushed their teeth together 😔 adore you- harry styles obviously

[dinosaurtsukki]

housemates with shiratorizawa

helloo!! new headcanon series here hehe. i hope you like this very long set of headcanons!

how you ended up in a house with these guys:

they're such a tight-knit bunch considering the fact that they've been living in a dormitory throughout high school

it was probs semi or kawanishi who suggested getting an extra roommate to help with the rent (tendou and goshiki are accident prone they need someone to help pay for repairs)

so ushijima made and put up an ad for an extra housemate. although he didn't disclose the fact that you'd be rooming with 7 other dudes

you were kind of desperate for some housing at this point so you just went with it

the person who greets you at the door is shirabu. but its more like he saw you, your bag, and went back inside the house leaving the door open

you stood there for a whole ten minutes before kawanishi came up to invite you inside

you're instantly greeted by goshiki and semi cleaning the house like crazy. semi was punching a couch cushion so that it looked an extra soft pillow

tbh the only normal you see are ushijima and reon. they're probs the ones who interviewed you to see if you were a good fit as their housemate

despite how weird your first impressions of some of your housemates were, you were still keen to move in

and then that's when tendou decided to come home from the pet shop with an iguana

living there:

you're roommate ends up being shirabu because no one else wanted to room with him (jk they all drew straws and he was lucky)

he's a pretty good roommate: clean, keeps to himself, doesn't play music too loudly

except the fact that he ALWAYS HOGS THE UPSTAIRS BATHROOM

the bathroom might as well just be his because it's FULL of beauty products. also shirabu takes a million years to get ready that at this point, everyone uses the downstairs bathroom

lmao y'all get your revenge tho by using some of shirabu's products when he's gone

its particularly you, semi, tendo, and kawanishi who like to do that

kawanishi: *walks past shirabu*

shirabu: bitch, did you use my fucking Splash of Pomegranate with Exfoliating Sesame Seeds: Rainforest of the Sun Bath and Body Works shower gel?

kawanishi:...no?

semi and reon are both roommates and are probably the most normal people in the house which is saying something

also idk why i feel like they both have a thing for scented candles but they're too shy to tell anyone

like,,, they have a closet full of scented candles and everything

reon: hey, want me to light up Spring Lake or Summer's Kiss?

semi: Summer's Kiss all the way

that's why they always keep their door locked and whenever someone knocks, they quickly snuff out the candle and fan the smoke out of the windows

you: whoa, why does it smell so nice here?

semi: ...air freshener

is kawanishi the only sane, normal person in the house? yeah, probably

he's the one who remembers to get groceries and buy toilet paper and shit and he's so happy he has you to help him out

the thing is though, he's a NOTORIOUS prankster. like, nobody suspects him because they assume its tendou who put packets of ketchup under the toilet seat but no, it was kawanishi

but his favorite person to mess with is his roommate: goshiki

okay goshiki is a Heavy Sleeper and one night you and kawanishi decided to draw criss-cross stocking marks on his legs with permanent marker

goshiki is an alright housemate. he's polite, does his assigned chores, rarely gets into your privacy

but oh my god every morning at 5 am he wakes up the entire house BY BLENDING PROTEIN SHAKES

you and shirabu considered soundproofing your room or chaining goshiki to his bed

ONE OF THE HOUSE'S GREATEST MYSTERIES: how does goshiki cut his hair?

tendou knows you've been dying to know why so one day he's all 'do you really wanna know?' and you're like 'HECC YEAH' and he takes your arm and brings you to goshiki's room

in there you find him with a bowl on his head and cutting along the rim with his scissors

shirabu is also with him but he has a ruler for his bangs

its the only time they ever get along

tendou and ushijima has hands-down the most chaotic room set-up

for one, half of it, ushijima's half, looks like a traditional japanese house

you know that scene in BNHA where todoroki was showing off his room? yes that one

y'all are like 'how was he able to bring tatami mats in his room?'

and then tendou's half looks like a weird-ass storage room complete with an iguana tank (yes he kept it)

tendou probs has those color-changing lights too

and the funny part about it is that both ushijima and tendou are completely okay with the set-up

also tendou has the most irregular schedule ever. like,,, circadian rhythms just wasn't installed in the being that is Tendou Satori

like,, he'll be making mac and cheese at 3 am and just enter your room asking if you want anything

you: WHY WOULD I WANT MAC AND CHEESE AT 3 AM???

shirabu, who's still awake because he's a med student: i'll have some

ushijima on the other hand has such a set schedule and daily routine. he's the definition of 'working like clockwork'

you guys even use him as your clock because why not?

you: guys what time is it?

reon: ushijima just left for his morning run so probably 7am

the only thing is that ushijima,,, generally doesn't cook??

and by that he likes to eat raw vegetables. no seasoning, no nothing

and he always offers to make people snacks and he does it so sincerely that you can't help but accept his snacks

*insert scene of you eating raw carrots at 11 pm while studying*

house incident: everyone being a closeted fan of Naruto

everyone in shiratorizawa is a closeted naruto fan (except for a few but we’ll be discussing) and no i don’t accept criticism on this

goshiki MAY have rock lee’s signature bowl cut and sometimes walks around the house in leg weights but he doesn’t say who he copies them from outright

but EVERYONE ELSE 

you started having your suspicions when you walked into semi and reon’s room looking for a pencil and found semi sitting in bed with a pile of tissues around him and his laptop on his lap

you guys stare at each other for a while and semi just quickly yells “I WAS WATCHING PORN”

you: I DON’T NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU’RE WATCHING

my boy semi was actually crying to that part in naruto when zabuza and haku died

his roommate reon on the other hand has a secret tattoo

it’s a sharingan tattoo and its on his back, just between his shoulder blades, which is why he doesn’t go around shirtless (his favorite character is itachi don’t @ me)

reon probably owns an akatsuki cloak too

kawanishi has an ENTIRE playlist of the naruto opening and ending tracks that he got from youtube and converted into mp3 format on youtube mp3 converter which he then downloaded and organized into a playlist with the album art when he was thirteen

sometimes you’ll hear him whistling Ikimono Gakari and everyone in the house is all 👂👂👂

tendou is the only one not lowkey about it but he’s not lowkey about anything he likes

and then one day you and tendou are in the kitchen and ushijima decides to watch tv while eating breakfast

while flipping through the channels he comes across the rock lee vs. gaara fight and he just decides to watch while eating

tendou’s like ‘wakatoshi? do you,,, like naruto?’

ushijima: is this naruto? it looks pretty cool

AND THEN YOU AND TENDOU JUST AMBUSH HIM AND GO INTO A TED TALK ABOUT HOW AWESOME NARUTO IS 

while you’re busy ranting about it, semi, goshiki, and reon, who recognize the unmistakable Sounds of Naruto, creep downstairs

semi: oh, cool. it’s naruto

reon: yeah, used to watch it when i was a kid

goshiki: hmm, seems like an alright show

and then USHIJIMA LOOKS AT GOSHIKI AND THEN AT ROCK LEE AND JUST GOES

‘hey, you remind me of that guy’

AND GOSHIKI ALMOST CRIES 

reon and semi end up sitting on the couch, trying to hold in their middle-school selves while watching 

and then kawanishi comes in and he’s just like OH MY GOD NARUTO!!

now almost everyone in the house is watching. at that part when rock lee drops his weights reon and semi jump off the couch and cheer

they can’t hold themselves back anymore

last but not the least, shirabu, who came back from class, walks into the living room to find all of his housemates cheering and crying in front of the TV that’s playing naruto

shirabu: omg u guys are lame

goshiki, sobbing: WE’RE NOT LAME IF WE FOLLOW OUR NINJA WAY

shirabu: welL, OBVIOUSLY THE BEST FIGHT SCENE IS WHEN NARUTO AND ROCK LEE GO AGAINST KIMIMARO YOU UNCULTURED FUCKS

and then he runs up to his room before coming down with THE FULL BLU-RAY DISC SET OF NARUTO ALL THE WAY UNTIL SHIPPUDEN

basically you guys end up watching naruto all day and semi finally admitted that he wasn’t watching porn the day you came into his room

taglist (still open to anyone who wants in!): @montys-chaos​ @miyumtwins​ @strawberriimilkshake​ @pocubo​ @sugawara-sweetheart@akaashisbabydoll @laure-chan@therainroguefanfiction@atetiffdoesart@stephdaninja@oikaw-ugh@charliefredb@dramaqueenweeb1469@tremblinghearts@applepienation@doodleniella

[runin-reads]

❛ s o l a r s y s t e m ❜

— hinata harem drabbles and reader insert

SYNOPSIS: my thoughts on various hinata ships, plus my take on what it would be like to marry the sunshine himself.

PAIRINGS: kenhina, kagehina, atsuhina, oihina, hoshihina, tsukkihina, hinata x reader.

A/N: I would add wayyy more ships but I didn’t want this to be too long. I may add a part 2 depending on the feedback I get.

MANGA SPOILERS

☆ﾐ KENHINA

— the only sugar baby and sugar daddy relationship that matters

— shoyou says he likes something off-handedly only for  kenma to buy it in bulk the next day 

— “if you get boring, I’ll stop ;)” that’s it that’s the sunmary. need I say more to describe their dynamic?

— Kenma and him fight a lot to cover the bill, only for Kenma to pay for it secretly on his way to the bathroom 

— honestly just such caring boys to each other. Kenma is so intune with how Shoyou feels and will lay down just about anything to make him feel better. Shoyou brings happiness and energy to Kenya’s life and makes sure that he takes plenty of breaks from the screen, so he can rest. 

— he’s part of the pretty setter squad, what can I say.

☆ﾐ KAGEHINA 

— literal representation of yin-yang. They balance eachother out in the best way and work perfectly together

— volleyball dorks that wanna bring each other to new heights. Constantly noticing improvement (namely Hinata’s) in each other and instantly being filled with joy at the sight of it  

— like seriously. Kageyama was the first to see potential in Hinata, and was willing to put effort into drawing his talent out. Before Kageyama there was no one who would do that shit, and i honestly can’t imagine Hinata without his influence 

—romance aside, their friendship and teamwork is something we all want in life. They’re intune with the others needs and characters, they’re a POWERFOUPLE and everyone acknowledges them as one

☆ﾐ ATSUHINA

— wow, he can jump. That’s it, we wilding now 🤪

— deadass saw him play for one match and decided “ah yes. I want this one” LMAO 

— Atsumu made a promise to toss for him and actually fulfilled that oath 6 years later. King really did THAT. 

— okay but Atsumu casually staking claim over Hinata as HIS wing spiker, really brought out his protective bf side. You can just tell how much pride and trust he has in Hinata as a teammate, enough where he’ll call him HIS wing spiker at any given time.

— I just love the way Hinata encourages Atsumu and his jokes that go over everyone else’s head. 

— “Atsumu-san! I found it funny!” :D

— hinata comes thru when no one else does. We love to see it 

— Atsumu being the stressed mom friend of the jackals and Hinata either adding to the stress, or helping him out.

— hinata being one of the few people that matches Atsumu’s energy for constantly thinking of new moves/techniques for volleyball. Will stay long after practice just to work together and play the sport they love.

☆ﾐ OIHINA 

— DO NOT TELL ME THAT OIKAWA DIDN’T MAKE SEVERAL TRIPS TO RIO TO VISIT HINATA AGAIN. DO N O T.

— oihina spent several days in the honeymoon phase. Going to restaurants, building sandcastles, playing beach volleyball, taking selfies to piss old rivals off. And this is Brazil we’re talking about. They 100% went to bars and danced in the streets, drunk off of the alcohol and the feeling of being close to each other. If this doesn’t scream “forbidden summer romance, I found a piece of home away from home” energy, then idk what does.

— they met as two homesick boys that left the country to pursue their dreams. Both of them were feeling lost and had no idea where to go from there, but then they saw each other and their vigor was restored. I’ll say it again, THEY FOUND A PIECE OF HOME INSIDE EACHOTHER. THEY REMINDED EACHOTHER OF THEIR ULTIMATE GOALS AND THAT VOLLEYBALL IS A SPORT WHERE YOU HAVE FUN.

— oikawa definitely needs reminding that he is enough, that he is skilled and hardworking, and most  importantly to take care of himself. Hinata would definitely be able to provide this support to him. He is a fountain of endless praise and validation, and what makes it better is that it’s all sincere and only based on the truth. 

☆ﾐ TSUKKIHINA

— Tsukki would fucking punch himself before catching feelings for Hinata. Which is what makes this ship even funnier.

— it’s just Tsukki back at it again with his salty inner-monologue to himself and denying his feelings, only for Hinata to waltz right in and change his view of everything 

— the type of couple to be arguing and all up in each others faces, only to be like “holy shit he’s close,” and be reduced to a blushing mess

— when Hinata actually sasses back yall better be behind Tsukki to catch him as he burns. This man will either clap right back or short circuit from the shock alone. 

— he probably develops a hunch from holding hinata's hand all the time and crouching down to give a hug. Mans looking like Quasimodo but it’s okay, he’s in love.

☆ﾐ HOSHIHINA

— not really a fav ship of mine, but I gotta give appreciation where appreciation is due

— they’re so alike yet so different in so many ways 

— I just love how they’ve finally found someone to relate to, someone who knows exactly what it’s like to be underestimated at first, only to completely soar through their expectations in order to reach higher heights 

— they’re a great reference to each other, and they clearly love seeing the other improve and try out different things. They have a deep respect and sense of rivalry, and they most definitely are the dumbest-and-dumbest couple that can’t figure out shit outside of volleyball 

— they compete over the pettiest shit. Will race each other to get into the shower first, or put on their seatbelts. Chaotic energy can be sensed from miles away. Can’t be left alone to do anything without the building collapsing smh.

☆ﾐ HINATA X READER 

— ngl you got the entire volleyball scene jealous 

— like you managed to snag the most versatile and sought after player in the whole of Japan. You really did THAT.

— Shoyou is definitely the type to give you a one-handed hug and a kiss to the forehead every time he has to leave for something 

— will sling an arm around you from behind and ask you about your day. Asks you quick fire questions like, “have you eaten yet?” “Have you drank water?” And is overall a super attentive lover 

— “hey, I’m Shoyou Hinata and this is my spouse!” Cue the blinding grin that’s brighter than the sun 

— Like they do for Hinata, players like Hoshiumi and Ushijima address you by your full name, and you and your husband find it hilarious. 

— “OI HINATA” - kageyama 

— the both of you turn around 

— all chaos ensues

— I feel like Shoyou wouldn’t be the type to flirt with you at first, he’d just be really upfront with it. Will dead ass head straight towards you after practice or something, and say, “hey! Wanna go back to my place after this?” 

— he’d say this with the BRIGHTEST SMILE, and I bet he’d blush a lot too

— he would still blush, even once yall are married and everything 

— everyone cries at your wedding. You don’t know if it’s tears of joy, or they’re all at a loss because they wanted Hinata all to themselves. And honestly? Same.

[cucumbers-and-olives]

When All Is Said And Done

⚠️stop! have you read part one, the winner takes it all yet? if not, click the link and read it cause idk if this will make much sense!

Summary: You slowly repair you relationship with Reggie as you get closer to the end of the show.

Category: high school au, musical au?

Fandom: JATP

Paring: Reggie x Reader

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings/Includes: mentions of cheating

A/N: this is for @reggiepetersappreciationweek day 5? whatever yesterday was, i have a trash memory, and i forgot to post this so... whoops!

(also @williexmercer asked to be tagged in this so.... ta da?)

Mandatory Thanking of the Betas: ahhhh ty so so much @wrhen for helping me give this story the ending it deserved, i had no idea how to end it, so thank you!

AO3 link here (nope)

Please don’t repost my work without my permission, in part or whole. My work can also be found on AO3 under the same username. Thank you!

Here's to us

One more toast

And then we'll pay the bill

Closing night was always a sad thing. But after the last three months, all of the drama, and the nightmares… You could tell that the smile on Reggie’s face was his, and he was happy. Truly happy.

Deep inside

Both of us

Can feel the autumn chill

“Y/N, I’m sorry. I’ll be better. I want to explain, so I’ll be at our spot at 7 pm tomorrow.” You listened to his voicemail over and over, trying to decide if you should trust him this time. You got one of these voicemails every week on Monday. It had been a month since “the incident” and he wasn’t giving up.

“Y/N, I’m sorry. I’ll be-” You tossed your phone at the wall as hard as possible, but with your bad luck it landed on the soft white sheets of your bed and you let out a scream. It was loud and heart-wrenching, and you collapsed into the shag carpet. The soft blue carpet he had bought for you when you found out you had landed the role.

And from your spot on the floor, there was the photo of the two of you that you had framed after your second date. When you knew he was the one. He had taken you to the fair, and one of his friends had come over to take a photo of the two of you, but someone had bumped into him, and there was a ton of bright pink cotton candy in his hair. That was your favorite moment with him.

You rolled over, and like a bad omen, your phone played the voicemail again. “Y/N, I’m sorry. I’ll be better. I want to explain, so I’ll be at our spot at 7 pm tomorrow.” You had crawled onto your bed to turn it off when you heard him whisper something he hadn’t in any of the other voicemails. “I love you.”

As you lay down to sleep that night, your brain looped his words. I love you, I love you, I love you. I. Love. You.

He hadn’t ever said it before.

Birds of passage

You and me

We fly instinctively

The cast all had slight tears in their eyes. Most of them were seniors, including you and Reggie, so this was your last show at a school you had grown to love.

When the summer's over

And the dark clouds hide the sun

Neither you nor I'm to blame

“Y/N and Reggie.” Your science teacher moved on and continued calling out other pairs to work together.

He moved to where you were sitting. It seemed as if his personality had changed. He was no longer the confident, happy boy you knew, but a shy, quiet one. “I- I can ask for a different partner. You probably don’t, don’t want to work with me.” His eyes were transfixed on the desk.

You don’t know what led you to do this, but you slipped a finger under his chin and tilted his face to look at you. “We have 5 minutes left in this period, and then we have rehearsal. You have that long to come up with a convincing argument as to why I should trust you, go it?”

He nodded softly, and you released his face. Now you had that long to figure out if you should trust him again.

As the bell rang you began to pack up your stuff when a note fell out of your bag. You picked it up and began to read it.

“Y/N. I kissed him. I’m not trying to cover for him, it’s the honest truth.” You looked up at your teacher.

“Y/L/N, get to rehearsal, or at least get out of my classroom.”

“Yeah, sorry!” You said, hurrying out of her classroom. You stepped into the hall, and you continued to read the note.

“I know it sounds like I’m covering for him. I’m not. I came into his dressing room, I kissed him. (I’ll spare you the details) But you two are an amazing couple, and he’s been a mess without you. There’s a hole in his heart that only you can fix.”

And just like the “I love you,” those last words rang in your head through rehearsal.

“There’s a hole in his heart that only you can fix.”

When all is said and done

In our lives

We have walked

Some strange and lonely treks

He crossed the stage and looked back at you. The strength it would take the entire cast to not laugh like children would be incredible.

Slightly worn

But dignified

And not too old for sex

We're still striving for the sky

No taste for humble pie

“Thank you.” He said, passing you a coke. “The pie will be out in a second.”

The booth in the back of the diner was a quiet one, but there were so many memories here. Your first date, your first kiss, Reggie asking you to be his girlfriend, and getting cast as Donna and Sam. You had found out sitting in this booth.

The waitress came over. “Two slices of apple pie, enjoy you two,” She said, with a little wink.

You took a fork and stabbed the pie like an enemy. “Talk.”

“I didn’t mean to. She came in, and she started it, I-” You shoved some pie in his mouth. His face was alarmed for a second, and then he smiled.

“Not about that, idiot, about the project. We have to present tomorrow.” You took a bite of your pie.

“I thought…” He was lost in thought for a moment and then he spoke. “I was thinking we could alternate slides? Or if you just want to do the chunks you wrote, that’s cool too!” He said, eating some more of his pie.

“That sounds good, we can alternate slides. Also, could you help me with my math homework? I’m- well, I’ve got a D. Can you help me? I brought it with me if you want to now, I have it with me, or we can do it later?” You rambled off.

“Scooch over,” He said, standing up. As you did, he sat down next to you. “Okay, pull it out, and show me what you’re struggling with. We’re not leaving till you have it down.”

He smiled at you, and you knew you were back to normal now. Or at least, a new normal.

Thanks for all your generous love

And thanks for all the fun

Neither you nor I'm to blame

As he sang that line, you both glanced into the audience where your former-best-friend-now-acquaintance sat. Your relationship had healed over the last month. He and you were clearer, and when/if anything happened, you both gave each other a chance to explain your side of the story. It was better now.

When all is said and done

It's so strange

When you're down

And lying on the floor

“Okay look up when you open your eyes,” He said, removing his hands from your face. You looked out at the beautiful rolling hills and then up. Up to the sky, and the shining stars. You gasped as you saw them, each one more beautiful than the last.

“Woah, Reggie this is so beautiful, I-” You turned around to face him. He had a picnic all laid out. There was a full apple pie and ice cream, along with a bunch of your favorite sweets and some popcorn and pretzels.

“Reggie, when did you have the time for this? It’s almost tech week,” You said as you sat down next to him. “Not that I’m ungrateful but seriously, when did you-” He cut you off as he stuck a bit of pie in your mouth.

“Did you?” He nodded. “You bought a full pie from the diner?” You smiled at him so big. And it was a wonderful night.

How you rise

Shake your head

Get up and ask for more

Clear-headed and open-eyed

With nothing left untried

Standing calmly at the crossroads

No desire to run

“I’m scared Alex.” It was Reggie’s voice you heard as you walked up to the garage. Over the past 2 and a half months, your relationship had changed, and now, it was the Saturday before tech week.

You froze outside the garage as you listened to Reggie.

“I- I, I messed it all up before, and I keep feeling like I’m gonna mess up again,” Reggie said. His voice was shaking if it was even possible for a voice to do that.

“Reg,” Alex said. “What happened wasn’t your fault. They came in and kissed you.”

“I should’ve stopped it. I should have stopped them.”

“Reggie, she forgave you. And trust me, Y/N wouldn’t be with you if she thought you had done it on purpose.”

You knocked on the garage door. “Reg, you in there? We’re gonna be late to rehearsal!”

“Yeah- yeah, I’m coming, I’ll meet you in the car babe!” He hollered back.

There's no hurry anymore

When all is said and done

Then he did something unexpected. Something unscripted. You just felt him pulling you in and dipping you down, and for a moment in one amazing kiss, the audience wasn’t there.

You pulled away, smiling and breathless as the audience cheered.

~

Send me an ask or fill out this form to be added to my tag list! Send me an ask to be removed from my tag list!

JATP Tag list: @screwunsaidemily @crybabyddl @n0wornever @crybabyddl @dream-a-little-bigger-x @crybabyddl @badwolf00593

Reggie Tag list: @willex-owns-my-heart

Everything: @funsizearsonist

[slimcicle]

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤTomorrow Never Cameㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤoneshotㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Summary: Din said he would be back tomorrow morning, and you keep waiting.

Warnings: talks about depression and dead.

Din Djarin & fem!reader

word count: 1.3k

A/N: It’s the first time in years that I write here! this is totally inspired by Falling of Harry Styles and Tomorrow Never Came by Lana del Rey. I was feeling so sad and I don't know why. Also, idk if doing this with multiple chapters. Anyways, enjoy and forgive me if something is wrong with the fic, English is not my first language.

You didn't want to know anything about him. You didn't want to think about him again. You wish he was dead by this point, but knowing him, you knew that you would die first to see him dead. You missed him the most, your pillow stayed wet every night for as long as you could remember. You didn't want to miss him. Every part of your body ached when you woke up and he wasn't by your side like he used to be. You hated the way he used to make you feel when you saw him coming from afar. Happiness ran through your whole body and those cloudy days turned sunny with just that little smile that he gave you every noon that he returned. You didn't want to love him, but after all, you kept doing it even when you had been seeing someone else. It killed you to know that none of those people was him. That none of those boys felt as good as him. That none of them made you feel happy. You hated him for not letting you love again.

"I brought you food" Mariel spoke, who was at the door of your room "I also brought coffee but I was not sure if you would like it" her sweet voice was the only thing that encouraged you to move off the position.

You were in your bed, doing absolutely nothing and just looking at the ceiling of the cold room you were in. The empty glasses that lay on the floor by your bed. Your hands squeezed the sheets under you. Your eyes were red, and your lips were parched. You didn't know how long you had been in that position. You had lost hope in everything, in your own life. He had taken your life on that ship the day you last saw him. Your friend Mariel had been going to your house for the past few years, worried that one day you wouldn't be looking at the ceiling and would be looking at the drawer where you kept your pills. She feared that one day she would come in and her best friend would have left with everything she ever promised that man. You would die before him, was the only thing going through your head. Mariel had insisted on putting his clothes in a suitcase and throwing them into the river near your house. But after all, you needed to feel like he was still there. You hated yourself for allowing you to feel this way. What if he left because it was the only way not to break your feelings? Didn't he think about how you felt? Was it something you said? Or was it something you did? You were falling into the same abyss of the last four years.

'' What day is today? '' Mariel looked at you in amazement. It was the first time in years since you said something to her. She walked over to the bed where you were lying and she gave you a huge hug.

You could hear how she was crying, she was crying on your shoulder. '' It's Wednesday ''. Her voice trailed off. She pulled away from you wiping the tears that flowed nonstop from her brown eyes. "I want you to feel better, please"

You didn't say anything to her. You didn't want to promise again. You didn't want to fall again. You just sat on the bed, you were too weak to do anything else. "I'm fine”

Mariel changed her smile to a face of anguish. You couldn't even fool yourself with the things you said to yourself every day. "You're not," she murmured, taking your hands. "Do you want to tell me about him?"

Your fake smile disappeared in an instant. You had been writing too much about him of things you only knew. But in all this time, you've never told Mariel, your best friend, about him. You didn't want to talk about him again, but there were so many things you wanted to let go of with someone. "His name was Din" your voice came out hoarse. Without emotion. Mariel took your hands, giving them a light massage. "He was ... everything I had dreamed of"

The more you thought about him, the more the tears wanted to come out again. You were going to talk, but you couldn't find a way to do it. "He promised ..." was the only thing that came from your lips and then again, you were crying on Mariel's shoulder. "He promised me that he would be here tomorrow"

Mariel didn't know what to say. She had no experience talking to depressed people, oh maker, she had never seen anyone like this. "How did he look? Tell me about him, don't get quiet.” The only thing she understood was that the more you talked about him, rethought the situation, and learned from it... you were gonna be okay.

"He was a Mandalorian." Your shaking hand took the sheet from under you and squeezed it. It hurt to think of him.

"How did you two meet?" her right hand caressed your damaged hair. And the other caressed your arm trying to relax you.

"He ... he came looking for a place to stay," you said without opening your eyes. "We both fell in love and ... and he stayed here with me" you breathe heavily before continuing. Mariel smiled at you. “He was everything to me"

She laughed. You looked at her without understanding what was so funny. "You were a couple?" she asked, taking the bag of food.

"We were engaged." For the first time in years, you felt relaxed. "Two years after meeting and being together." Mariel nodded. You knew she wanted to hear what happened next, but you didn't know if you were ready to talk about it.

"I'm sorry." she apologized, looking at you again. "I guess it was difficult to bury him." you looked at her without understanding. She thought that he was dead, inside you, you expected the same. 

"He's not dead," you said without looking at her. You looked at the door in front of you. That door where he used to lean himself every morning with a cup of coffee that would get cold with the time they used to be in bed. "We didn't have enough credits to do a wedding, so he would leave and return at noon.

You remembered seeing him arrive when you were in the garden harvesting. You saw him take off his helmet with the safety of his home, being away from everyone and living on such a beautiful path that was as neglected as you. His brown eyes looked at you with such joy and his arms around your waist felt as warm as a beautiful summer afternoon. The way his lips tasted like coffee. Those happy, bright days. “He told me that he would go one last round and then he would have enough credits for the wedding. He told me to wait for him on the bench in front of the house, he told me he would arrive tomorrow morning. " your eyes stopped seeing the door. Mariel was looking at the nightstand that you had to your right. "Tomorrow never came" 

Mariel sighed. She looked at you again and showed a small smile. The two of you didn't say anything, just ate in silence. The tears stopped coming out of your eyes once you finished speaking. Someday he would come. You would be in your garden and you would see him coming. His hands would touch your entire body and his lips would kiss your face without stopping. "I have the feeling that he doesn't need me anymore," you said with a smile. A smile that you haven't let out in years.

The garden lay lifeless since he left. You caressed the only flower that was still alive. The only flower that never gave up. You dropped water on her that she surely hadn't felt in years. You had given her life back, you had given her hope. You had regained your hope. 

[iceeckos12]

tma fic recs

I’ve seen a couple of fic rec posts floating around. since ive been reading so many excellent fic recently, i thought that id make one as well! please note this list is going to be 99% jonmartin. also buckle up, because this is going to get long.

Completed

the umbrella by Wildehack (tyleet)

"And to think—all of Jonah Magnus’ carefully laid plans, the centuries of scheming, the murders, the sacrifices, all of that work could have been completely undone if Martin Blackwood had gone back for an umbrella" - holdthosebees

Notes: This is probably my go-to fic if i want an apocalypse never happened scenario. The jonmartin is wonderful, as is the h/c.

Diary and Prenon-nous la main by luftballoons99

Diary summary:

Not for the first time since they ran away together, a camera reel of all the things they don't know about one another whirs behind Martin's eyes, and he can't help but look at all the sprawling magnetic tape and wonder if they’re going to wind up a romance or a tragedy.

or: Office parties, garage bands, and the joy of being known.

Prenon-nous la main summary:

They still haven't talked about it, any of it, not even to pass the time on the long train ride to Scotland. Instead, Martin fell asleep in the seat next to him, pressed into his side from shoulder to knee, and Jon thought about love confessions and verb tense and how the two fit together when you think you're dying.

or: Good cows, mediocre poetry, and other crucial topics of discussion.

Notes: Do you love impeccable safehouse jonmartin characterization? do you love characters grappling with the mortifying ordeal of being known? do you love softness so tender that it makes you want to weep? please read these fic. im begging you.

i’ll tell you about all the times i’ve smiled because of you by cryptidkidprem

Summary:

Martin thinks about their shoes, sitting beside each other on the floor by the bed. Thinks of the way Jon wears Martin’s cardigans more often than he wears his own, the way Martin’s started keeping elastics around his wrist because Jon always forgets his own when they go out.

He thinks about all the gentle touches and fussing over each other they’ve done, and how much is still to come over the next… however long Jon will have him.

They have a long way to go, an entire life to build out of the wreckage Jonah Magnus and Peter Lukas left them, but laying together in a comfortable, sleepy quiet, Martin thinks they’ve got a good start going.

Or, Jon quits the Institute, saves the world, and it turns out to be exactly what he needs in order to heal and start moving forward towards building a life with Martin.

Notes: how many times have i reread this fic? more than i can count. jon quits the institute and it’s just full of soft jonmartins. they get married! god i love them.

go softly by doomcountry

Summary:

And there is nothing else besides this.

Notes: every time i remember this fic i reread it. please heed the tags because martin is blinding jon, but he’s like. blinding jon in the most heartbreaking way possible. idk how the author made this so tender but i know i was certainly crying so!

The Reverb in These Holy Halls by  Wolftraps (AlwaysBoth)

Summary:

Undoing the apocalypse would have been enough for Jon, if all his people survived. Without them, Jon's only recourse is making it so it never happened in the first place. He's going to do better this time.

Notes: Do you like time travel fixits? i sure like time travel fixits. reverb is an excellent one. heavy on the h/c, I wanted to hug jon so so badly. 

Yesterday is Here by  CirrusGrey

Summary:

"Who the hell are you?" Jon could feel his hands shaking. The man laughed, taking a step forward and raising a hand to point at him. "I'm you, from the future!" he said, then swayed, eyes going unfocused, and collapsed to the floor in a dead faint. -------- Post-season-four Jon and Martin time travel back to the season one Archives.

Notes: Yet another time travel fixit! also excellent. the teasing was HYSTERICAL. also Im just going to say this now - CirrusGrey in general writes incredible tma fic. You can’t really go wrong.

unassigned supplementals by  bibliocratic 

Notes: I won’t put in a summary just because it’s a long series of oneshots, but bibliocratic’s writing is amazing. Again, you can’t really go wrong with one of their fic!

let the soft animal of your body by autoclaves

Summary:

Standing in the warm kitchen, slats of sepia light filtering through onto the counter in front of him, Martin doesn’t know what to do with his hands. He half expects them to go through the countertop entirely, glossy and solid as it is. He isn’t used to any of it, yet. The safehouse. Jon. Beams of sun pouring into his hands. After being deprived of everything of significance for so long, the longing that crashes over him is almost painful in its tangibility. He wants to laugh, to sob, to scream and hear it echoed back against the neat, square walls of the safehouse.

In the end, he doesn’t do any of these things. He makes eggs instead. He can do that, can’t he? Use his hands for something simple and plain and good.

(Or: In the safehouse after it all, Martin starts cooking.)

Notes: this fic really speaks to me a) because i project on martin like crazy and b) because food is also my love language. this fic is incredibly soft and it’s all about cooking!

“Have you tried turning it on and off again?” by shinyopals

Summary:

I hope you find your new role as Head of the Institute as rewarding as captaining the Tundra, wrote Elias Bouchard, to Peter Lukas. There are so many people working there: all with their own interesting lives, and all desiring your attention and support. I'm sure you will relish the challenge it will bring and enjoy every moment spent with the fine men and women of the Institute. In time I'm confident they'll become like a family to you.

The Magnus Institute has a new boss. The Magnus Institute also has a new tech support technician. These two facts are unrelated, except they both happen at the same time.

Meanwhile Jon's woken up from being dead for six months and for once he's trying his best. He just wishes Martin would stop avoiding him and answer his messages...

Notes: if you’re looking for a good laugh, this fic is SO SO SO FUNNY. i was dying. basically the magnus institute being an absolute bureaucratic nightmare.

hello my old heart  by  firebirdsuite

Summary:

Peter’s wrong, of course. When it’s all over, Martin does still want to tell Jon everything. It’s just—well, there’s a few things they need to work through first before they can get there.

Martin and Jon find each other again in Scotland.

Notes: it’s all about the yearning. and trust me, the yearning in this fic? im just. i sure do love jonmartin, and this is such soft, loving jonmartin it just makes you want to cry

two ships passing by pyrites

Summary:

Gerard Keay is 10 years old the very first time he tries to run away from home, right around the time that Jonathan Sims has just come into possession of his first Leitner.

Or: One dropped stone can change the way the whole ocean moves.

Notes: again, JONGERRY. MY GOODNESS. this fic is beautiful, the writing is absolutely breathtaking and it owns my heart. im so in love with it. the author said you’re going to have emotions about jon and gerry and jongerry and i said OKAY

Terminal Sight by viv_is_spooky

Summary:

Spider silk weaves through the visions of two Seers. Monstrosity is dawning on them both.

Notes: I’d never read a gerryoliver fic before this, but the execution is EXCELLENT and now im sold on the ship forever. This fic has wonderful prose and great characterization and i love it a whole lot.

Incomplete

assistant archivist au by  PitViperOfDoom

Notes: I won’t put a summary since I’m reccing an entire series, but. it is absolutely no secret that i adore jongerry. pit’s assistant archivist au slapped me over the head with some gorgeous jongerry oneshots and then gave me the gift of the main fic (which is still in progress) about head archivist martin. i love this au so so much

dustsceawung by  callmearcturus

Summary:

Martin had always been favored by the summer courts, and moving up north to the little village of Lacuna is a difficult adjustment. It's rainy and lonely and everyone seems to have a strange, distant relationship with the local faerie court.

However: there is a strange man in a cloak who walks past Martin's remote little cottage every few days.

However: there is a moth that keeps getting stuck in Martin's house during the rain.

These events are not as disconnected as they first appear.

Notes: you ever just read a fic that you didn’t know that you needed until after you read it? yeah. featuring the fae and moth jon and excellent characterization.

Illicio by ThatOneGirlBehindYou

As the new Archivist debates between life and death, the Eye ponders on what to offer him in order to avoid an encore of the unfortunate situation with his predecessor.

-----

Gerard Keay opens his eyes at what feels like fuck-ass in the morning, inside a room with far too little space and far too much dust.

Notes: This is also the moment where I reveal that im a sucker for jongerrymartin. please read this fic. gerry is brought back from the dead in s4 and everyone is far better off for it.

where there’s a will, we make a way by bubonickitten

Summary:

"So, what does happen if an Eye learns to See within itself?

What happens is this: the Archive Beholds the Watcher – and the Watcher blinks first."

________________________

Jon goes back to before the world ended and tries to forge a different path.

Notes: this time travel fixit is shaping up to be an absolutely incredible read. i love the way this author writes jon so so much, and the characterization is spot on. this whole fic just satisfies some little part of me. god. also!! bubonickitten’s writing in general? beautiful. please check out their other works.

The Timeline of Theseus by Applea

Jon tries to force the Spiral to send him back, but the Sprial's corridors never twist things quite the way you want them to. Back in 1996, Elias has no idea why or how the Eye made such a powerful Avatar out of an 8 year old, especially when said 8 year old doesn't actually know he has any powers at all. Clearly such a child cannot be left outside the Institute's care. 

Notes: This fic is legitimately brilliant. The author manages to capture the big ADHD mood and the precociousness of baby Jon while managing to write a wonderful storyline. Time travel! Elderly lesbians! A Jonah who is wildly in over his head but was walloped over the head with paternal instinct! Baby Gerry! What more could you possibly ask for?

rooms full of people who do not love each other yet by seaer

Summary:

“Wanted to ask about a book.” The boy has his hand on the counter, and he leans into it, nonchalant. The library is air-conditioned, but by no means frigid, and Jon can’t help but feel sweaty just looking at the layers he’s wearing; what looks like old leather over an olive-green Magnus pullover over his school shirt. “Do you have A Journal of the Plague Year?”

Jon says, tetchily, “We’re about to close.”

“I know. Do you have A Journal of the Plague Year?”

Notes: I am so in love with this author’s writing style and the way they write the characters!! The jon and gerry friendship is PERFECT and the character interactions are all darling.

if you read these fics please send the authors some love, they definitely deserve it!! 

[johannas-motivational-insults]

Coming out as non-binary is weird because at least for me there’s like... stages to it? On non-binary day this summer I said on facebook that I id as such but it didn’t really change how I wanted people to treat me, as I have always wanted to not be treated a certain way for my gender. But of course even if I want that it’s never going to happen, our society is obsessed with this shitty made up system and doesn’t know how to treat people who don’t nicely fit. And now I have decided I want to change my legal name, which tbh has to do with a lot more than the enby stuff but that’s part of it, and I also feel I’m now okay with any pronouns. Which almost feels like a second coming out, because at first I was like it’s nbd but now I’m realizing maybe it is a big deal after all. I didn’t want it to be. But now the more I hear my old name the weirder it feels, and I’m starting to feel more and more uncomfortable not being honest about this.

I have started telling people I know irl, but I’m conflicted over how to break this to my parents. I was planning to lead with the name change and downplay the gnc/enby part of it, point out that they both had family members who chose to go by their middle names so even if it’s disappointing that I’m dumping a name they gave me it shouldn’t be that big a deal for them to call me something different based on my preference. Now that feels kind of dishonest, and if I tell them that then I have to be slower about telling everyone else that I’m okay with any pronouns now, or at least announcing that publicly. But I also think they will be more resistant to the name change and more likely to deadname me on purpose if I relate it to the enby stuff, because now they’re not just losing a name, they’re losing their little girl.

And I just know it won’t go over well, you know? My mom was weird about Elliot Page coming out and I know even if I’m not coming out as trans in quite the same way it’s still going to elicit a similar reaction. Not gonna repeat the exact things she said in a public post because it was disrespectful (accidentally... maybe?) and could be triggering, but now it’s like... I would feel terrible for making her feel bad but at the same time what else can I do? I’ve never really been their little girl, and they know that even if they won’t acknowledge it. I’ve always been gnc and maybe they can’t write it off as a cute tomboy phase anymore but they were always trying to mold me more towards the feminine and it didn’t work (and it was hurtful, not having who I really was acknowledged). Idk, they already had two daughters before I came along and my dad probably wanted a boy anyway if they were gonna have a third kid, maybe he will come around faster to having a son/daughter. But my mom always takes everything so fucking personally, and she named me (my middle name, which I am also changing) after her grandma. So that will not be received well.

So like, ugh, no matter how I slice this it will be dramatic, but if I am completely honest it will be worse. I was gonna wait until after Christmas but now Christmas is ruined by covid anyway so I might just get it over with sooner. But I’m... not scared exactly, but dreading having to do this. I’m an adult and even though I live with my grandma it’s kind of a mutual support arrangement as opposed to me being a dependent, and I don’t think they’re gonna disown me or anything over it (if I was a transman I would be less certain of that tbh), but god I just do not want to deal with this, you know? But I also can’t not move forward, because now that I’ve started thinking this way about myself it feels right and I feel cramped in the closet again after being out for almost half my life. Anyway, maybe if I point out I don’t care if they use she pronouns and refer to me as their daughter it won’t be so bad. I still id as female even if I don’t feel like a woman so it’s not a lie. But at the same time I’m not sure I want them to rely on that my whole life... I want them to accept me as both a son and a daughter (or neither, in a way) and acknowledge that about me. And besides, those pronouns could change in the future. This whole thing is kinda in flux.

Anyway this has stopped being entirely coherent but I just needed to get that off my chest. Long story short, I’m super stressed about this and idk if this will lead to me producing more or less content but for now it’s really affecting my ability to concentrate so like... that’s what’s going on with me. I didn’t lose interest in fandom stuff or die or anything, I am just dealing with a Big Thing right now and I kinda feel like I’m drowning or it’s eating me from the inside or some other shitty dramatic metaphor. I had some weird gender confusion/dysphoria the other day and it made me feel like no matter what I do the way I present myself will feel fake because our society is not built for people like me. And of course that led to more general dysphoria because of my depression so yk... it wasn’t a good time. I’m not having a good time.

This song has been making me cry for 22 years and counting...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_BtlAw4trg

[perpetually-forgettable]

Chapter Seven

Chapter Summary: Reader’s POV for the movie incident and an explanation as to why she chose that specific shirt/ additional backstory.. Things heat up as they share a bed for the night. 

Warnings: Swearing, explicit sexual content, smut(?), half asleep orgasms(?), detailed description of horror movie.

Word Count: 3,596

A/N: I’M SO SORRY!!!! Seriously. I did not mean for the huge wait in between chapters but some serious life stuff happened and I got an awesome Mother’s Day present and have been doing lots of digital art. Lol. This is the first time I’ve ever written smut (is this considered smut?) so please be gentle. Enjoy!!

Here you were, curled up next to Bucky as the movie played, frightened out of your mind. This movie was absolutely horrific and yet you couldn’t tear your eyes away from the screen. You wanted to know what the deal was with this house and why this family was being tortured by these unseen entities. You hated how invested you were in this stupid movie. It was almost…. almost enough for you to ignore the feeling of Bucky’s fingers tracing the skin of your shoulder. You couldn’t decide if it was a blessing or a curse that you didn’t change clothes before coming over to his house, it wasn’t a conscious decision, you just didn’t think about it beforehand. You kind of had a lot on your mind when you headed to his house. Steve had just asked you to homecoming, that’s kind of a big deal. And you felt a little bad about the whole situation, you’d never feel towards Steve what you feel with Bucky. But you knew you couldn’t be with Bucky; you just couldn’t take the chance that it would ruin a lifetime of unforgettable memories and friendship. You could be with Steve, and even though you never thought of him in a romantic sense before, you did enjoy his company, he was a decent friend and he made you laugh. He had high aspersions for himself, he planned to go to college and join the military as an officer. Him and Bucky attended the military summer camp together, it’s what helped them form their own friendship.

As your mind went over and over everything you still watched the movie, maybe not as attentive as you would be literally any other time, but you paid enough attention to know shit was getting real. You didn’t realize it but your breath came quicker and quicker, your body tensing to prepare for your fight or flight response. And then it happened, the moment you saw the terror on the screen you closed your eyes so tight you saw stars, one arm instinctively reaching out for comfort, landing on Bucky’s thigh and he made a noise you couldn’t quite place, and your other hand splayed across your chest in a desperate attempt to keep your heart from beating out of your chest.

When Bucky spoke you barely registered it, you heard him but couldn’t quite make out the words. You barely heard anything other than the blood rushing in your ears, the combination of fear and adrenaline making your pulse skyrocket. But you felt it when he placed his hands on your arms and slowly trailed the length of your arm with his fingertips, only to grasp the hand that was leaving bruises on his thigh and bringing it up to his mouth to place a soft kiss on the back of your hand. You were frozen still although it wasn’t because of the movie anymore. Bucky’s fingertips felt like feathers as they followed the path of your other arm in between the valley of your breast to lace his fingers in yours over your hand. The way he proceeded to kiss each knuckle made the muscles deep in your belly clench. You still could not force your eyes open, it was all too much, the terrifying sounds from the TV, the way Bucky was being so…. sensual. It was too much, your body was in overdrive with no direction to go. And then his hands held your head and he kissed you everywhere but your lips almost, and it was enough for you to consider taking that leap, ruining it all to feel his lips on yours, to find out how he tasted. When he begged you to open your eyes the illusion was shattered, seeing his blue eyes jolted you back into the moment and away from the fleeting thoughts of lust. You couldn’t, you just couldn’t. So, you told him you were okay. You tried hard not to move your mouth too much in fear of accidentally brushing his lips, knowing that would let the floodgates of passion open.

He finally let you go, and you fought to not literally sigh in relief. You curled back up next to him, doing your best to force your thoughts back into friendly territory but it was difficult, extremely difficult. You did your best to focus on the movie and eventually, you became enthralled again. Too focused on the woman tied to a chair and the couple trying to rid her body of the evil possessing it, you didn’t notice your breath becoming borderline panting. All evidence pointed towards a climactic event soon, the way the score swelled, the way the camera panned to each member of the family in quick succession, the way the couple raised their voices over the demon screaming inside this woman’s body. You barely registered when you took in a deep breath the moment the vile being was finally revealed because in an instant you were flat on your back on the couch with Bucky crouched in between your legs, his hand covering your mouth, his face close enough you could see the barely-there stubble indicating he recently shaved but would need to again soon. Your mind went blank. All thoughts of the horrors on screen forgotten as you register the position you were currently in, as it was EXTREMELY compromising. And arousing. His hand over your mouth hit at a dark part inside of you that you hadn’t known even existed and it made what little fabric covering you as underwear completely soaked, thankful for the pillow between you and Bucky as there would be a hard time explaining that to him if it were discovered. You quickly realized you were breathing heavily for another reason now entirely and noted Bucky was too, for whatever reason. He still said nothing and didn’t make any motion to move so you tried to wiggle to get him to at least say something as you couldn’t with his hand over your mouth, and you barely saw as his blue eyes rolled to the back of his head as he leaned his forehead against yours. It took everything in you not to moan underneath him as the look on his face was etched into your memory, as you quickly realized that this, whatever it was that happened tonight, seemed to be affecting him too. He was turned on with you beneath him and the slight movement you made thoroughly pleased him. You were shocked, a million questions running through your mind. But you knew, YOU KNEW that Bucky was turned on right now, you just didn’t know why. You tried to speak, and it took Bucky the longest time to peel himself off of you and move back to his side of the couch.

After finally being able to speak you questioned him with just his name, without looking at you at all, almost like he was ashamed, he indicated that if you screamed it would wake his parents up. Which made sense, it just didn’t quite explain everything. You somehow noticed the movie was still playing and asked him to turn it off and he did, dousing the room in almost pitch-black darkness and silence. Not being a fan of either, especially with the movie still fresh in your memory, you fought your better judgment and curled up next to him and hugged him. In his arms, you timidly asked if you could stay the night. You knew it was a bad idea because of the crazy sexual tension but you were legitimately scared, and you knew you couldn’t sleep by yourself. He agreed easily enough, saying he needed to shower first. Sitting on the edge of his bed you asked Bucky if you could borrow a shirt after realizing exactly how little you had on, and he agreed. When he asked if there was a specific shirt you wanted, you knew exactly which one you wanted and told him you’d get it while he took his shower. And you did. You went into his closet once you heard the bathroom door close and reached for the dark blue shirt with just his last name on it. You always enjoyed seeing him in it, even before you wanted to jump his bones. Holding it in your hands, admiring the softness of the cotton and the lingering scent of Bucky and washing detergent you sighed and took your tank top off and pulled his shirt over your head, throwing your tank to the side, not really caring where it landed.

You sat on the edge of the bed again, your mind a whirlwind of emotions and questions. You kept replaying the night in your head. Was Bucky flirting with you? And if he was, why? How do you tell Bucky that Steve asked you to Homecoming? And that you said yes? Would he be mad? Why was Bucky so turned on when he was practically on top of you? The image of his face as he rolled his eyes above you in obvious pleasure made your heart stutter and your face grow hot. Speaking of that…you looked down and realized your panties were utterly drenched. You couldn’t get in his bed and cuddle up next to him like that. But it’s not like you could take them off…could you? You bit your lip and looked around the room trying to figure out some kind of plan when your eyes landed on the window. It was a dumb idea. No denying it. But you stood up and quickly took of your tiny tiny shorts and underwear, putting your shorts back on and balling your underwear up into a ball, you opened the window and tried desperately to throw them into a discreet plan close to your house, vowing to get them when you wake up in the morning.

Making your way back to the bed, you sat down with a defeated sigh. Lost in thought, you didn’t hear the shower end and Bucky come in until he spoke.

“See you found a shirt to wear, huh?”

You looked down at the shirt in question and a smile found its way to your lips. “Yea.”

After spending so much time with someone, you learn things unconsciously. The same goes for you and Bucky. You didn’t even have to think about which side of his bed either of you’ll sleep on, you automatically fell into the same rhythm you have countless times before and soon found yourself in his bed, your head resting on his chest and his arm underneath you and resting on your side, very near your hips. You’d been in this same position more times than you could count and while it still made you happy, it also brought forth another emotion you couldn’t quite place. You felt and heard Bucky laugh and couldn’t fathom why he’d be laughing right now so you asked.

“Nothin’ babe. Don’t worry about it.” He smiled down at you.

What. The. Actual. FUCK??? You thanked your lucky stars that he quickly put his head back down and closed his eyes, his free arm bent behind his head on the pillow, a shit-eating grin plastered on his face. That way he couldn’t see you staring up at him, your mouth gaping open like a fish out of water. He has never called you that before and it surprised you for one, but it also felt amazingly good hearing him call you that in his stupid sexy, husky, tired voice. You laid your head back down and tried your hardest to calm the storm raging inside of you. How on earth were you going to be able to sleep now? With everything that had happened the past few days, you asked yourself if maybe Bucky liked you…as more than a friend? Or were you picking up on things because of your own attraction and revelation that you were in love with him? Should you ask him? Should you tell him how you feel? You were a jumble of nerves and questions, and you couldn’t quite figure out what to do about everything. Because he’s been acting weird lately, right? Are you imagining things? What do you do?

“Y/n…. you need to stop fidgeting so much and tensing up.” His deep voice startled you.

He hadn’t moved his head or made any indication he was still awake at all.

“I know the movie scared ya doll, but I’m here.” He squeezed you tight. “I won’t let nothin’ getcha. I swear.”

He leaned down a bit to place a kiss on the top of your head and you sighed. It wasn’t a sigh out of annoyance, or frustration. It was a mix behind a happy, content sight and a breathy sigh…you know the kind. You didn’t even realize it had slipped out until you felt every muscle underneath you tense, you could both hear and feel Bucky’s heart beating in his chest and his breathing halted. Shit. You were screaming on the inside. Should you say something? Own up to it? Play it off? Yea…that sounded like a good idea. Right? It was all you could do so you fake yawned loudly and stretched a bit, hoping it would come across as just random sleepy noises. You leaned up a bit to kiss his cheek and said goodnight before you rolled to the other side, your back to side, and curled up a bit, hoping to fall asleep as quickly as you could.

You felt the bed move as Bucky turned to his side, keeping his body away from you as he curled his arm across your ribcage and underneath you to hug you tightly to his chest, laying his head on the crook of your neck.  

“G’night doll. Sweet dreams, yea?”

Damn that voice of his.

“I’ll try. Sweet dreams to you too Buck.”

He huffed a small laugh and rolled over himself, his back to yours. You laid there, questioning everything until you heard the telltale sign of Bucky asleep…his light snoring. You were thankful Bucky was a light snorer, you’d probably have a lot fewer sleepovers if he wasn’t. But knowing he was actually asleep brought you some peace. You could finally breathe a little easier, you weren’t so tense. What the hell were you gonna do? You had to get a handle on this shit. It’s not like you could go on like this forever, it was driving you insane. Maybe you should come clean to Bucky and explain this weird attraction you had to him all of a sudden and say you needed some distance, so you didn’t fuck things up. He’d understand, right? With a billion different scenarios going through your head about how to proceed, you drifted into a sleep that was consumed by the boy sleeping next to you.

You were hot. Stiflingly hot. You were in that haze of still being asleep but barely conscious enough to take in certain things from the world around you. You tried to shift to a cooler spot on the bed and you couldn’t. Something heavy kept you immobile. You tried again and were rewarded with a groan and hot breath on the side of your neck, just under your ear and it made your insides clench and heat pool below your belly. Still not fully awake your brain couldn’t stop your body’s response, you nuzzled closer in hopes of being rewarded again, letting out the breathiest whimper unwittingly, and you were. This time you felt the vibrations on your skin, and you tried to arch your back out of pure instinct, your body doing its own bidding when you found much-needed fraction where you wanted it most without even trying to. You let out a small moan and moved again to relieve the pressure mounting inside you.

Still more than half-asleep, he was annoyed by something and groaned in response and was met with more annoyance and then the most beautiful sound he’s ever heard. There was no mistaking it. He was fully awake now but kept his eyes closed, his body still so as not to betray him. He found that y/n was asleep on her back, both arms above her head, her right leg was bent while the other lay straight. Her whole body at an angle on his bed, taking up most of it. His head was in the crook of her neck, her face turned the opposite direction, his hand was splayed under her shirt, touching the soft skin just under her left breast, he could feel her ribs and the slightest curve of her breast, his fingers reaching her side, feeling her ribs while his thumb was just below the valley of her breasts. The leg she had angled was in between his with his right leg in between hers, he was practically laying on top of her. The position of their bodies now realized he let out another groan, unwittingly. Big mistake. It made her move in such a tempting way, her back arched, pushing her breast out and her hips seemed to search for something and when his knee hit at the apex of her thighs she moaned. A full-out moan. It took everything in him not to do the same, she was straight up grinding him. With his hand on her bare skin, he could feel the vibrations of each little moan she made as she kept the contact between her heat and his knee. Her breathing was picking up and he couldn’t stand it anymore, he gripped the skin where his hand lay and groaned, out of frustration and arousal. That seemed to only egg her on more and she tried to find more contact. He slowly pulled his hands from her torso and slid it down her stomach, admiring the way her belly rose and sunk with her breathing and the way the muscles clenched the lower his hand traveled. His hand was below her belly button, his pinky finger dipped underneath the band of her shorts as he just admired the scene he was in. It was a godsend. She was underneath him and the sounds she was making were sounds he’d never forget for as long as he lived. He breathed in her scent as he leaned in closer to her neck and slid his hand over to her left hipbone, just under the waistband, and squeezed the flesh there, eliciting a throaty sigh from y/n. He ventured further and cupped her cheek in his whole hand and squeezed harshly as she instinctively rolled over more to give him more access. They found themselves both now on their sides, her leg was now draped over his as he kept kneading the tender flesh there as she leaned her head back to moan. He finally felt brave enough to open his eyes and the sight before him exiled all other thoughts but her and him right now. With her head leaned back and her back arched she was pressed up against his chest and he had better access to her throat, which he took full advantage of as he softly nuzzled her neck from her collarbone to just behind her ear with his nose, planting a soft kiss there at the end of his journey. He wasn’t sure how she was still asleep, but he thanked whatever kept her that way as she hiked her leg up more to grind her pelvis against the tent in his pants and they both let out moans of appreciation at the welcomed friction. He couldn’t believe his luck, but he didn’t take this opportunity for granted as he ground into her more and placed a wet kiss on her pulse point, sucking gently. Her breathy moans and pants were music to his ears. He gripped her hips hard enough to leave bruises as he rocked her into him, he couldn’t care less about himself right now, he wanted…no he NEEDED to know the sounds she made when she came undone, he had to. He used the hand under her to pull her head back by her hair and planted kiss marks across her neck and collarbone, urging her on.

“Mmmm….Bucky.”

Dear god. The way she said his name stopped his heart, the breathiness and obvious lust laced into it was almost enough to make him finish right then and there. He removed his hand from her hip and slid it across her bare skin under her shirt, resting only after cupping her breast and squeezing gently. She felt amazing, she fit perfectly in his hand. With her hips still moving on their own accord, her breath becoming fast and faster he knew she was close, all the signs were there. He leaned into her neck again and grazed her earlobe with his teeth.

“C‘ mon babydoll…come for me.”

And she fell apart in his hands, his name falling from her lips as she found her release. It was the sexiest thing he’s ever seen. The way her mouth parted, and her body shuddered with the intensity of her orgasm, the way her nails dug into his bare chest unconsciously was too much for him, his head rolled back, and his eyes screwed shut as he quickly found his own release, a guttural sound of pleasure unleashed from his deep in his chest. With his eyes still closed and his body coming down from pure bliss he hadn’t noticed y/n was finally awake.

“B-Bucky?” She squeaked.

Oh shit.

Previous Chapter Next Chapter

[handonhaven]

So a few things popped into my head, and will most likely stay there for a while.

1. This whole long hair thing with Landon. I refuse to believe they went through all that trouble just for a ten second scene. I believe they did all of that because we're gonna get a flashback episode so we can find out what happened to Landon and how malivore ended up possessing him. And I think this because I like to thing that episodes Aria wasn't in at the beginning of the season/or episodes he was in only a scene or two that's when he was filming the flashback episode. Because sometimes they do film episodes out of order for whatever reason. And I will go on believing this until October when I'm either proven wrong or hopefully proven right.

2. When this thought popped into my head I got mad and sad all at the same time. Because this is now the second time they've separated Handon from each other for months at a time. NOT once but twice they did that. First with Hope jumping into malivore and everyone forgetting her. So the whole summer and a couple months into the new school year they were away from each other. Then again when Landon ended up in malivore. So they were separated again for another two, two half months maybe. I refuse to believe it's any long than that. Since seasons 2&3 are one school year. My reasons for thinking that is because the season 2 final(3x04) was Handons 1 year anniversary and they started dating about half way through the first school in season 1. But anyways I don't I'll ever be able to forgive the writers for doing that to them. Just like I don't think I'll ever forgive them for giving us a whole season without the real Landon.

3. So I have this theory. So you know how there's been this pattern the last two season finals with either Hope getting separated from Landon or Landon getting separated from Hope. Well I think if they keep up with that pattern then the real season 3 final will be Handon getting separated from everyone else. I'm not sure how or why it'll happen but I think it might. But I like to think that when they get malivore out of Landon, Handon leaves to follow some type of leave. Or maybe Clarke does what he tends to always do and he screws them over and they somehow end up in the prison world or trapped in a alternate reality(I think that could be fun to see).

4. What is up with people trying to say that Landon is dead just because malivore is possessing his body. That's not how possession works, the person doesn't just die because someone takes over their body. That's never happened in the history of posseson in the TVDU(or any other show I've seen). And if Landon was really "dead" then what would be the point of those Handon flashbacks during that inspirion scene? I mean come out is peoples dislike and misplaced hatred for Landon run that deep and they'll try to come up with anything just to kill him off? You know what let me not good down that rabbit hole.

5. Okay I don't mind maliLandon being a thing for now. But I just don't want it to last very long. Because I want to real Landon back. And for him to finally be out of pain(again I don't think I'll forgive the writers for putting him through that). I know malivore will be more active in season four but just let it be in a different body not Landons. After this season I want him to be done going through trauma for a long while(and Hope) like just give him half a season with nothing bad happening to him or even a whole season with nothing bad happening to him. I know the chances of that happening are very slim but I can dream can't I.

6. So I saw this theory and I'm not sure how they came up with that or even if they were kidding. But they think that Ethan might be one of Malivore kids. I don't think that's the case, I truly believe that Ethan is just human. I feel like he couldn't be one of malivore's kids because he can be compelled and because his mom was never erased from peoples mind. And Landon can't even before he activated his powers back in season 1. And honestly I just want Ethan to be the one human teenager on the show. I know this show is about supernaturals but that's doesn't mean every character we met should be or has to be supernatural. But maybe that's me. Any thoughts on this theory?

7. You know I wouldn't be agaisnt seeing more of malivore's kids. We know for a fact that Landon is the youngest and last kid malivore had(at least we know that as a fact as of right now. They might change their minds about that). And Clarke is the oldest out of all his childrens. But what about the others kids malivore had. Are any of them still alive and if they are where are they? Are they all like Clarke personality wise or are some of them like Landon? I don't know I feel like that could be fun and nice storyline to do at some point if they ever decide to.

8. I feel like triad might be making a come back for next season. Because this season triad was mention a quite a few times. So maybe they'll come back into play next season. Like maybe MG finds out about another facility from his mom or something.

Wow that got longer than I meant too lol. Came here to talk about 3 things and ended up talking about eight. Lol my mind just got the better of me and I just needed to keep going.

I’ve thought the same thing. If they really pinned his hair back for all those months just for that one brief scene, I’m gonna laugh. Because why on earth would they go to all that effort for a small detail like that? It’s not like they’ve been consistent or realistic about other little things like that, so it had to have been for flashbacks. And my thoughts exactly. I had also wondered if that’s why he wasn’t in 3x14 or 3x15, because apparently, some contracts require the actors to have episodes off (which was why he wasn’t in 2x14 I guess). So if he had been filming flashbacks earlier on, maybe that’s why they were required to give him time off during 3x14/3x15? But it would make sense if he had filmed back during like 3x07 or something when his hair was long. That’s really what I’m hoping. And yeah, if we don’t get it in October, I’m gonna cry.

Ugh, yep. I realized that as well, they separate them every season. The writers are cruel. Yeah, literally, it’s like every summer/into the new school year! And yes, I’m not sure exactly how long with Landon though, but it would’ve had to have been at least a couple months? But the whole timeline for season 3 has made no sense. I had thought season 1 started in like February or something, since the twins’ birthday is in March (1x06), so I figured Handon got together like middle/end of March (1x08). Then Hope would’ve jumped into Malivore around April/May, then we got a new school year throughout season 2. But then 3x04 is when it gets confusing, because I figured that was probably around April, since 2x15 would’ve been mid-March because it was the twins’ birthday again. But then with 3x05, they had the “3 weeks later” and then in 3x06, it seemed like a new school year was suddenly starting? And not long after, they were dressing for colder weather in coats and stuff, so what happened to the summer? They should’ve just said “3 months later” in 3x05, that would’ve made sense. So I have no idea what time of year it is in the show now. Some people thought it was spring again because of some posters at the high school? So who knows how long Landon was actually gone, I’m confused... sorry to go off on a tangent about the timeline haha. But anyway, they’ve still been separating Handon every season for way too long, and it’s terrible. I don’t think I can forgive them either, and same thing with Landon! I still can’t believe we went almost an entire season without him! I’ll never be over it.

Ooh, interesting... okay, I would actually love that haha. If they’re gonna be separated again, let it be together. I’ll take it! But yeah, it could happen. Maybe something will go wrong or they’ll get screwed over, but they’d be together this time around. But I feel like them ending up in a prison world again would be so repetitive, but I wouldn’t even be surprised haha. I think it would be fun to see too though. I had actually thought that might happen in 3x04 when they both were in the prison world, but that did not last long. But who knows, it’d be nice to see something different though, but I’m not sure what other alternate reality they could end up in. But I’m sure the writers could come up with something. Even if it was like a chambre de chasse or something where they had to be put in one of those for whatever reason, that would also be nice because they could get a break and be together that way. I think as long as they’re together and not separated from each other again, I’ll be happy (I think haha). And if they could finally have a break on top of that and be able to recover after everything, that would be ideal.

And I have no idea. Exactly, have they not seen the rest of TVDU? That didn’t happen, and I don’t think I’ve seen that happen in other shows either. So true, we saw Landon’s memories in that scene, that came from Landon so he can’t be gone. Yeah, those people are just so desperate for him to be gone, they’ll try to come up with anything to give themselves hope. They thought he was dead for good after he was stabbed by the golden arrow too. And after they spent an entire season showing how much Hope loves Landon, idk how anyone could possibly think they’re just gonna get rid of him.

I’m a bit torn when it comes to Malilandon. Because on the one hand, I feel it needs to last a significant amount of time. They’ve been building up to it since season 1, this is the main villain of the show finally achieving his goal (part of it anyway), so it’s a huge deal. And I feel they shouldn’t rush through it, plus Aria does such an amazing job, I want to see more of him playing that. But on the other hand, I need Landon back now. I want him out of pain too because I cannot believe all that the writers have put him through. I just want him to be okay again. And one of the issues as well is that he has been possessed for a long time, at least a few weeks now, maybe even a month or so, but they didn’t show it when I feel they should have. But I feel like they could make up for that by showing flashbacks of what Malivore has been up to all this time, and that way we would see more Malilandon, but they could get Malivore out of Landon sooner without it feeling too rushed and like we hadn’t seen as much of Malilandon maybe? Idk, them keeping Landon’s time in the prison world and Malilandon a secret made for some good plot twists, but I’m not sure it was worth it tbh. Because now there could be problems with us not seeing as much of that as we should. I would’ve preferred them letting the audience know what was going on with Landon and showing it throughout the season, while still keeping the other characters in the dark. But yes, if Malivore is still a big part of season 4, he had better not be in Landon anymore. I can’t imagine he will be though. And I completely agree, they better leave Landon alone after this. He and Hope shouldn’t have to go through anymore trauma at all, but at the very least, they need a break. True though, unfortunately, I don’t think they’ll let them have a whole season without something bad happening either.

I can’t see Ethan being one of Malivore’s kids. I think, besides Landon obviously, most of Malivore’s children would be pretty old. And they’ve implied throughout the whole show that Landon is the one child of his that was actually born, which took a very long time for him to achieve. I just can’t imagine he would’ve done that twice around the same time since Ethan and Landon are probably around the same age? At least within a couple years of each other? Plus you’re right about the compulsion thing too, that’s a big giveaway. And also, I think his mom would’ve mentioned something about it, like how Seylah knew, if that had happened. But she wasn’t at all aware of anything supernatural before. So if that ended up being true, that would be extremely weird I think, and would feel very forced and out of nowhere. And I’d like for Ethan to stay a human too. True, I feel like they could bring more humans into the show without everyone being supernatural, so it might be a nice change to have a human as one of the mains.

I’ve thought about that too, and I don’t think I’d mind seeing other children of Malivore either, as long as it was done well, of course. Because yeah, what happened to the rest of them? It’d be very interesting to see if there are others who are still around and if they also hate Malivore and want him gone, or if there are some who would side with him. That could make for some good new characters or villains. And if there were some who were good like Landon, I’d like to see Landon interact with them and maybe have some sort of sibling relationship with them too. So I agree, there’s definitely potential for some cool storylines.

Yeah that could be true. They really just kinda dropped triad after season 1. Where did they all go? They’re still out there somewhere so you’d think they’d go back to that at some point. And yes, something could happen with MG and his mom. And also, is he not curious what happened to his mom and the rest of triad? You’d think they’d try to find out what’s going on with them after what happened when they’ve supposedly disappeared. So yeah, I’d say there’s a chance they’ll bring triad back at some point.

Haha, I feel that though. There’s just too much that goes on in this show, it’s easy to go on about it.

[yyxgin]

stray kids as girl group songs because i can't sleep on a monday night

series of the few girlgroup songs i know bc i only stan boygroups and mostly listen to just that,, followed by a short cute scenario inspired by that said song bc it's the middle of the night and i can't sleep 💫💓❣

all of the blurbs are like 100 words at most, no warnings i think ?? yeah :') mostly fluff. enjoy.

bang chan as really really by cherry bullet

okay but the lyrics to this are so cute and so chan 🥺🥺 like there's a line that goes like "even my insecurities turned into confidence" and if that doesnt scream channie to you then i don't know what will. like the song sounds just so cute and warm and like a warm hug in spring 💫☁️💓

"i really, really like you." you hear chan say, making your mouth hang open in surprise.

"me?" you ask.

"yeah, who else?"

"n-no, that's- i'm not that likeable-"

"stop it, y/n. you are the most likeable person i know and you bring me so much happiness and comfort every single day. so stop doubting yourself, you silly, okay?"

minho as not shy by itzy

you feel the blush on your cheeks deepen as he deletes the space in between the two of you, enveloping you in a tight hug. you see a butterfly fly around, much similiar to the ones in your stomach, making you softly giggle. "i like you too, chan."

okay is it just me or do itzy songs just scream minho energy ?? we stan confident queens. also their dance--- queens. okay. well, this song captures minho's confident attractive side the most i feel like 😎 like imagine a confident confession by our boy minho over here ??

"what do you even want, minho?" you furrow your brows in frustration and confusion all at once, waving your hands in the air.

"i want you." he says, gazing deep into your eyes.

you are left with no words in your mouth, breathing quickening at his gaze, his aura capturing you in a way you didn't know it could before.

"minho-"

your words are soon cut off by his mouth on yours, but you're glad, because you didn't really have anything to say anyway.

changbin as witch by the good girl cast

this song is a whole ass vibe my girls jiwoo and jamie snapped in this 🥵🥵 it's just has that badass dark vibe changbin radiates at all times (except from when he's in his soft zone lol) and like some good mafia aus can be written with this vibe but i don't do those so yeah here's a little something confusing

"what did i do?" asks changbin in the arms of the police, a deep smirk sitting on his lips.

"oh, you already know, young man." spits the policemen, bringing him into the car, leaving you watching him with eyes fierce, insides burning. this again?

"wait for me, babygirl, yeah?" yells changbin your way, his blonde locks falling into his eyes.

you ignore his calling. "i'm gonna come back. as always. yeah?" smirks changbin.

he's not the bad guy. or is he?

hyunjin as psycho by red velvet

ummmm- are we even surprised ?? no. he owns the psycho cover and i watch it at least 3 times a day for good luck and clear skin 💫😎 but like this song is about someone coming to ruin you and like be honest did hyunjin completely ruin you or are you normal

you dry the tears off your cheeks, a sad smile coming onto your features, feeling like a psychopath again, falling for his games and for his tricks, just like every time.

"you just love me too much, right?" smirks hyunjin, placing a hand onto your cheek, rubbing small circles onto it to comfort you.

you sniffle, scoffing. you are pathetic. so, so pathetic. but you're never going to change.

because you're never going to stop loving him.

"yeah."

jisung as fancy by twice

okay are we even surprised part 2 ?? he ate that shit up, like that 💫💓dalkomhan chocolate ice-cream-cheoreom nogabeorineun jigeum nae gibun so lovely☁️💟 lives in my head rent-free 24/7 and i listen to the fancy cover literally every single day (while aggresively skipping wooj*n's face) and i am not even joking at this point. and the VIBE ?? the VIBEEE ?? jisung and you being your each others first love and dhskskdn omg my heart-

"i like you so much." mumbles jisung into your neck, planting a soft peck on it in the process, making you giggle.

"i know. you tell me every single day." you say, looking into his eyes, feeling like you see the whole entire universe in them, gazing into them as if they answer the questions to everything there is in the world.

"okay. let me change it up a little, then," giggles jisung, pecking your lips, "i love you."

you stare at him in awe, euphoria of hearing him say those words for the first time taking over you, a wide smile appearing on your mouth. "i love you too."

felix as hip by mamamoo

okay are we even surprised part 3 like ummm that boy ate the choreo up 🥵🥰 umm yeah but hip and mamamoo in general are so cool and so is felix lmao (btw hip is the song that got me into kpop this march 🥺🥺) and like hip is about being who you are and respecting and loving someone with everything they are 💓💫

"sometimes i even wonder why you're dating me in the first place." you mumble, your hair greasy and your loose t-shirt falling over your hips.

"what? why would you think about something like that?" felix furrows his brows, confused about your sudden confession.

"well, a girl like me is no fit for a boy like you. you're all cool and stuff and here i am with my oily hair and loose clothes..." you gesture to your body, feeling embarrased by even bringing it up.

"you're cool too, stop that. i love you just the way you are." he smiles, pecking your lips, suddenly making all your worries dissapear.

seungmin as lovesick girls by blackpink

okay i don't know what it is but this song just screams seungmin to me,, like the idea of knowing you'll get hurt by love but still wanting it nonthless, needing love and desiring it... also,,the vibes of like the evening summer city just sit so well with seungmin in my opinion

you put your legs out of the window of the going car, singing at the top of your lungs, passing the lamposts and counting how many of them are on the long highway.

you turn around to look at seungmin on the driver's seat, humming the song with you, looking at you once in a while, his heart beating fast at the presence of you in his car this late at night. he promised himself he's not going to fall in love again, but you weren't making it any easier for him. he was born to be alone, but you make him feel like loneliness is not the answer.

"i never want this moment to stop." you blurt out, amazed by the empty highway.

"yeah," sighs seungmin, watching you for a just a few seconds to still drive safely, feeling his heart combusting at the way your hair blows in the breeze, "me neither."

jeongin as la di da by everglow

retro vibes and jeongin = 💫💫💫 yes yes yes. anyways, umm idk this song just makes me think of like the hated couple walking along the night city when it's the carnival or something and everyone's just staring at you and gossiping bc they are jealous,,but you two don't care bc you just love each other too much 🤪❣

you turn your head to kiss him in the line for the carousel, seeing the disgusted faces of your classmates gossiping somewhere in the distance.

"people are staring again, jeongin," you whisper, looking to the ground.

"they are just jealous, baby. let's go, it's our turn." he giggles, taking you by the hand and pulling you to the carousel, making you laugh in the process as you get on and get prepared to yell your lungs out on the ride.

yeah, jeongin was right.

they are just jealous. let them know how much you're enjoying yourself.

[maybankiara]

Some angsty Topper? Like Topper x Ex-Girlfriend? Idk I just love topper

LIGHT THEM ALL UP, KISS THEM GOODBYE

pairing: Topper Thornton x Reader

summary: The Thorntons invite your family over for dinner and considering their son is your ex-best friend and ex-boyfriend whom you haven’t spoken to since the breakup almost a year ago, you think there’s only one way the night could go down. Except you’re wrong.

word count: 4k

warnings: mild cursing

additional: heavy angst; i genuinely don’t know how this turned into an absolute monster but hey, i loved writing it.

requests are open

In retrospect, you should’ve told them something closer to the truth – but hey, hindsight is 20/20, right?

  When your phone rings, you’re at the shopping mall with your friends on the mainland. It takes about twenty seconds of the phone call to ruin your entire day, all in an eight-word long sentence.

  ‘The Thorntons invited us over for dinner tonight.’

  You’re told to wear something nice, and you tell your mother that she doesn’t need to worry about that. She asks if everything’s alright, and you lie through gritted teeth, saying you’re getting frustrated with being unable to find anything nice at the mall.

  She buys it. You’re in the clear, at least with her. When you walk out of the changing room and your friends see your face, the only explanation you give them is, ‘My family is going over to Topper’s for dinner.’

  They nod, sigh, gasp, and let you rage in silence for the rest of the trip as you wrap up sooner than planned, so you’d have enough time to get ready.

  Mentally more so than physically, but somehow it’s almost the same thing.

  It’s been almost a year since you broke up with Topper – or he broke up with you. You’re still not really clear on what happened, mostly because you decided to erase the whole thing out of your memory.

  ‘You okay?’ your best friend asks.

  Wind blows into your hair as you’re on the boat for the island, and you know you’re going to need to wash it to get it all nice and prepped for the dinner.

  You nod, because it’s half-true, and that’s enough. ‘I’m not too worried. It’s just one dinner.’

  ‘Don’t do anything stupid.’

  ‘Nah,’ you say, pulling a smile from somewhere. ‘I’m too tough for that.’

  It appeases her enough so she doesn’t ask you any more questions, and you breathe out when she isn’t looking. The rest of your friends are chatting, and you join in from time to time, just enough so they wouldn’t question you again.

  Nobody knows the whole story. Literally nobody, considering not even you and Topper know what happened.

  One minute things were good, and the next you were screaming bloody murder at each other’s faces, and then never spoke again.

  Truth be told, you don’t even know if you ever ended things. Topper just began dating Sarah Cameron sometime later, and you would hook up with both Kooks and Pogues at the keggers.

  And now…

  ‘You sure you’re okay?’

  You nod, smile again, and say that you are.

  The more you say it, the more likely it is you’ll end up believing it.

  Your friends drop you off at your house and you enter with three shopping bags, all filled with clothes that you somehow managed to like. You’re picky, usually – but as soon as your mom called about the dinner, you decided to go shopping for the best of the best.

  ‘Hello, Y/N!’ Your mother walks out of the conservatory, holding a book in her hand. ‘How was the trip?’

  You raise the bags in response. ‘What’s the dress code?’

  ‘Casual fancy, I think. They weren’t specific.’

  ‘In that case, I got some stuff for tonight,’ you tell her. ‘I hope you don’t mind.’

  She smiles, earnestly, like she always does – she has no idea what’s going on in your head right now, but it’s not her fault. ‘I’m sure you’ll look great. Topper will be there, so you won’t be alone with the adults.’

  You raise an eyebrow. ‘Since when is my brother considered an adult?’

  ‘Since he turned twenty-one, Y/N. Don’t be like that.’

  Whatever, you think, because you thought at least you’d be able to count on your brother to keep you away from the Topper mess. Turns out that’s not the case, because your brother is a big boy now, swimming in the open waters, and it’s time for him to be thrown to the sharks.

  There’s less than three hours until the dinner, so you hurry into the bathroom. You do all the preparations – shower, hair wash, blow drying (you make an attempt at a salon blowout except it really does not look like one) and prepping your skin for makeup.

  ‘Go light,’ your mother told you before you went to get ready.

  It’s not like you’d go any other way – there’s no one to impress there.

  So go with almost minimal makeup, just fixing up your blemishes, knowing it’s not worth suffering the heat with makeup on just for the Thorntons.

  Just for Topper, your mind corrects, and you groan.

  The dress you got for the occasion is a burgundy summer dress, made out of light material and loose below your waist, with short feathery sleeves and a modest cleavage that no one is going to give you shit about.

  In it, you look and feel pretty.

  A fleeting thought goes through your head; Is Topper going to care?

  The car ride is quiet, but that’s the usual for your family. Your brother’s on his phone, texting someone; your dad’s dealing with business things on the passenger seat; and your mom is making sure you don’t crash as she drives.

  It’s going to be a fun night.

  As soon as you enter the Thornton mansion, memories begin to overflow your thoughts, and you have to blink them away. Topper’s father welcomes you and his expression softens when he sees you, and that’s how you realise that Topper hasn’t told his parents the truth, either.

  A couple of liars – that’s what you were.

  ‘Hello,’ he says, ‘it’s lovely to see you all. Y/N, you look lovely.’

  ‘Thank you, Mr. Thornton.’

  You smile at him and he smiles right back, leading you and your family into the dining hall. Did Topper tell them we remained friends, like I did? Your families were too interconnected to fall apart because of the two of you.

  A couple of liars.

  You’d know your way around here in your sleep.

  The dining room, when you enter, is filled with chatter of Topper’s family and his siblings. There’s three Thornton children, and your ex-boyfriend is the middle one. His older brother is your brother’s age, and his sister is about ten years old. They’re all bringing food from the kitchen, and you’re assuming Topper’s the one maneuvering everything – he’s good at that.

  You take a seat, and so does the rest of your family, and the Thorntons are as lovely hosts as ever. The polite chatter is keeping on and you’re smiling through the nervousness, ignoring the unease in the pit of your stomach, because you’re cool. You can stick through this.

  And you manage to convince yourself of that – until Topper walks in, wearing a suit with the tie that you bought him for his seventeenth birthday, and his lands on you and everything just kind of…

  It drifts away.

  All you see is Topper. He’s standing at the doorway, frozen mid-step. His eyes are staring right into yours and your mind is replaying every single instance in which this has happened before – you see him right before your first kiss, before the first time you slept together, after you cried when your dad was in a car accident, after you consoled him when Rafe leashed out on him.

  It all comes back in a single moment, and you inhale, sharply.

  Topper looks away. The spell is broken.

  It seems that nobody else has noticed what happened between the two of you, so the dinner continues as normal. You are sitting opposite Topper’s little sister and your brother is sitting opposite Topper’s older brother, and you don’t have to see Topper’s face throughout the whole dinner. Your parents make conversation, you smile and answer politely when asked; you know better than to let anyone know that you are deeply uncomfortable.

  Thankfully, both your families consider themselves above the law, and you and Topper are allowed to drink despite being underage. You drink champagne, glass after glass, and out of the corner of you eye, you see him doing the same.

  Where the fuck did we go wrong?

  It’s been over an hour when the eating part of the dinner is finished. Topper’s sister miscalculated and the dessert she prepared is going to take longer, so the adults decide it’s time for chatter with alcohol.

  It’s all good, until Topper’s father looks at you. ‘You don’t have to be with us, kids.’

  You smile. ‘It’s all right, Mr. Thornton. I don’t mind.’

  ‘Oh, no need to be so polite, Y/N,’ your mother chimes in. ‘You don’t have to stay with us old people.’

  ‘Your mother is right!’ Topper’s mom says, grinning wide, alcohol already hitting her a little bit. She nudges the champagne bottle in your direction. ‘You kids go have fun.’

  Your eyes meet your father’s, but you don’t find what you’re looking for – he’s not opposed to the idea. Your brother, on the other hand, seems a little bit bitter about you having the ability to go away, and he doesn’t even know how much you’d pay to be able to switch places with him.

  Topper is the one who takes the champagne bottle. ‘Thanks, Mom. Tell us when the desert is ready, will you?’

  Once this is arranged, Topper looks at you – he doesn’t say anything, not for a second, but you see the question in his eyes.

  Are you okay with this?

  You don’t say anything. He smiles at you, a charade for the families, and asks, ‘Shall we?’

  ‘Yes.’ You smile back.

  It’s painful.

  Topper’s sister follows the two of you to the upper floor, and you walk her to her room. She shuts the door in your faces – the classic Thornton behaviour. You chuckle, because this is far from the first time she’s done this to you, and then you stop yourself as soon as you become aware of what you’re doing.

  ‘Look—’

  ‘I don’t want to talk to you right now,’ you say.

  Topper presses his lips together; you see him being on the verge of speaking up, but he doesn’t. He leads you to his room instead, gripping the champagne bottle in his hand.

  You’re glad you’re the one carrying the glasses.

  The moment you enter Topper’s room, closing the door behind you, is the moment the illusion you’d forced yourself to believe in shatters.

  This is the place where you were in love.

  Topper walks up to you and motions for you to hold the glasses upright. You do that, and he pours champagne in them. The bottle is almost full, but you have a feeling there is going to be nothing left in it by the time the two of you are called back down for dessert.

  ‘I didn’t have a choice,’ you tell him, without looking at him. ‘My mom just told me that we’re coming here.’

  He doesn’t say anything. You raise your eyes to look at him, but he’s turned to you with his back, looking out of the window with a glass in his hands.

  You feel awkward, out of place, and definitely somewhere you aren’t supposed to be.

  The alcohol in you makes you chuckle; Topper turns around, looking at you with curiosity on his face.

  ‘Never thought I’d be back here.’ You motion to the room, but you mean the situation, and you feel like he knows. ‘Last time we were here—

  ‘Yeah,’ Topper cuts you off, ‘it wasn’t nice.’

  Before you manage to think through your actions, you plop on the bed, sitting on your knees. Topper joins you, sitting right next to you, and you try to block away the memories you made on this exact bed.

  You look at him and catch him looking at you. Your lips part and you’re almost about to say something, but it runs away from you.

  Instead, you look at him, for the first time in almost a year.

  His hair is a little longer, a little more loose and carefree. It’s blonder, too, and that’s from spending a lot of time in the sun. His cheekbones are more prominent, his jaw more chiselled, his lips fuller, his eyes bluer. He looks more grown up, less foolish, less likely to fuck you over.

  You clear your throat. It’s not good to dwell on things that are no longer.

  ‘How’s you and Sarah?’

  Topper holds your gaze for a second, then looks away, taking a big gulp out of his glass. ‘We broke up, over a month ago. Left me for a Pogue. Thought you’d heard.’

  ‘My friends know better than to talk about you.’

  ‘Wow. Nice.’

  You’re the one who takes the big gulp, this time. Maybe it wasn’t the right thing to say that – but your mind is a little fuzzy, and all the things you’ve never said out loud are coming back up again against your will.

  Maybe it’s the same for him. Maybe his mind, too, is going through the last time they were in this room together, trying to figure out what went wrong, trying to remember.

  You finish the glass. Topper pours you another one, then does the same for himself.

  ‘Topper.’

  ‘Hm?’

  It takes you a long second to shift in the bed so you’d be looking at him. You realise you don’t know what you’re about to say – it’s not your head saying it, it’s your heart, but you decide you’re beyond giving a fuck.

  So you shrug and take a sip. ‘I’m sorry for being a shitty girlfriend.’

  ‘Don’t say that.’ He shakes his head, leaning against the head board. His shirt is wrinkled and the tie you got him looks a little off, but he looks exactly the way you remember him. ‘It wasn’t you who fucked it up.’

  ‘You’re wrong. I couldn’t – It was too much.’

  His eyes hold your gaze again, and you feel the world slow down. You think of the screaming match and it’s the first time that you manage to recall what happened.

  It hurts. It fucking hurts.

  Topper chuckles, but it’s the dry kind, humourless. ‘No. I didn’t understand what I was doing. I thought I was doing all the things I was supposed to be doing, being caring and loving, and the only thing I was, was overprotective.’

  You look at him, at notice that he isn’t looking at you. His eyes are glassy and his Adam’s apple bobbles as he swallows, clearing his throat. ‘I kept doing things that weren’t okay and I blamed you when you thought they were too much. I accused you of – of things that I shouldn’t have seen as bad.’

  ‘Top, hey—’

  ‘Don’t, okay?’ He turns his head to you and the weight of his gaze is almost too much for you to bear. ‘I liked the idea of loving you, taking care of you, more than I was actually in love with you.’

  You look away. His words echo in your head, and each time they do, it feels as if a part of your soul is being cut.

  I liked the idea of loving you more than I was actually in love with you.

  You feel sick, and it’s not the alcohol.

  Time wears on and you don’t know if you’re getting more drunk, or if the tension between you two is going into an odd direction. It’s not uncomfortable, per se – it feels almost as if there’s something fundamentally wrong about the whole thing.

  ‘Fuck this, Topper. What the fuck were you thinking?’

  He glances at you, shaking his head. ‘I don’t know. I thought I was doing the right thing. But I keep fucking up. I didn’t even realise what I was doing.’

  ‘I was pissed off at you because you never listened to me when I said I was okay,’ you tell him, finally, for the first time. ‘I’d tell you that you don’t need to worry about me, but you’d go ahead and do it, and you’d tell me all those things, and I didn’t know how to react, and it got to the point where it was all too much to handle, and…and…Fuck, I don’t know anymore.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he says. ‘I’ve been trying to keep you from getting hurt and…’

  You nod, chuckling, just as drily as he had before. ‘And you ended up being the one doing it.’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Fuck,’ you say again. You haven’t sworn this much in a long time, but it’s pouring out of you. ‘I couldn’t be with you because I thought you were too in love with me. Turns out you weren’t in love with me, at all.’

  ‘What?’

  You glance at Topper, lazily, feeling the weight of the glass between your fingers. He looks a little hazy and it makes you smile; it makes you think of all the other memories you have of him looking hazy, and all of them fill your heart with warmth.

  ‘It’s okay,’ you reassure him. ‘I don’t think I would’ve let you love me, anyway. Even I couldn’t love myself back then.’

  Topper stares at you for a long second, as if comprehending what you’ve just said. ‘No. No, Y/N, you’ve got it all wrong, and I have no idea where all this is coming from—’

  ‘Shh.’ You put a finger against his lips, giggling. ‘Stop talking. You’re going to ruin everything.’

  Your fingers slips and Topper sighs, moving on the bed to be closer to you. You can smell his cologne – the fancy shit he’s always worn, the one that you loved the most.

  ‘What am I going to ruin?’

  ‘Everything,’ you whisper.

  Topper shakes his head. ‘I already have.’

  ‘Not this moment. That’s still ours to take.’

  ‘You’re drunk,’ he states, and you laugh.

  He leans his back against the headboard again and you’re the one who comes closer this time, leaning your head against his shoulder. It’s a gesture that’s as natural to you as breathing; his warmth feels as if it’s never gone away. When his arm wraps around your shoulder, holding you steady, you close your eyes and pretend the last year never happened.

  Topper’s fingers slither beneath the short sleeves, rubbing circles into the skin on your shoulder. ‘I never said I wasn’t in love with you, Y/N. I just thought it was a different thing.’

  ‘You don’t know what you’re talking about,’ you murmur into his chest.

  ‘I do, because of Sarah. I treated her the same, until I realised I just liked how people saw me when I was with her. With you, it was a completely different thing. I preferred being alone with you, to being seen, but I overdid it. It’s – I regret it. Every day.’

  ‘You weren’t in love with me.’

  ‘I was,’ he says. ‘I am.’

  You open your eyes, staring ahead of you. Your mind processes the words Topper’s just said – it can’t be real, right? You’ve spent the last year of your life believing he thought of you as his possession, as a trophy to be won, but somehow it doesn’t feel like that anymore.

  His fingers are still rubbing circles on your skin, and it soothes you. It’s not possessive; he doesn’t make you look at him and tell him you heard what he said.

  He doesn’t expect anything from you. Not anymore.

  You empty your glass and put it away. Topper does the same, and you notice that you were right – the two of you have managed to finish that bottle of champagne.

  When your hands reach for his, intertwining your fingers, it happens without a thought. It’s a mere instinct, based on years of confiding in the person you’re with, something that goes deeper than romantic love could. You’re best friends – you were, before you dated. You grew up together. You knew each other better than anyone else in the world.

  And then, you ended up loving each other too much how to deal with that.

  ‘We were young,’ you say, quietly. Your thumb traces over his, and you feel how he doesn’t know how to react. ‘We were foolish. Dumb. We thought we had everything figured out.’

  ‘It fucked us up.’

  You raise your head and shift backwards, so you could look at him. He’s looking at you with tears in his eyes, and you know there’s tears in yours, too. ‘We’re never going to have everything figured out.’

  He just nods, waiting for you to continue.

  You don’t even know what you’re going to say, but you still manage to find words. They come from a place you didn’t know existed – a place you thought you buried months ago.

  ‘We didn’t know how to love each other and we thought we did,’ you whisper. ‘We thought too much. Maybe if we don’t…’

  ‘I know myself,’ Topper says. His finger stop circling on your skin and instead hold you, safely. ‘I know the difference between the person I was when I fucked up and I know who I am now.’

  ‘Me, too.’

  He smiles at you. You forgot how much you loved it when he’d smile at you, except this smile was sad – please, don’t make me plead.

  Topper’s already confessed his feelings. You shouldn’t be thinking this way.

  You lean into him again, letting your body react to his in all the ways that feel like home. ‘I couldn’t let myself be in love with you because I couldn’t figure out how you felt about me. I always felt like your possession.’

  ‘And I treated you like one. But that’s not me anymore.’

  ‘I know. I can tell.’

  ‘You can?’

  ‘Yeah.’ You smile in his chest, pulling his hand up to his abdomen, so you could see it. You know you shouldn’t be doing this, but you can’t ignore how right it feels. ‘I’m still in love with you, too, Top.’

  You hear him breathe out; you feel his body relax underneath you.

  ‘Do you think we could not hurt each other again?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ you admit, ‘but we’ll never know, if we don’t try.’

  ‘Yeah?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Do you want to?’

  ‘I don’t know. I think I do.’

  You shift away from Topper, fully separating from him for the first time since laying your head against his shoulder. You shudder at the lack of his warmth surrounding you, but you smile at his face – at the way he looks at you.

  His lips are parted a little, and his cheeks are a little wet, and you remember the Topper you used to date would never allow himself to be vulnerable in front of anyone, not even you. Now, his eyes are glassy but full of excitement, of thrill, of all the same feelings that are in your chest, too.

  Topper reaches for your cheek and you lean into his touch. It’s all too familiar, and all too new at once; you’re excited. It feels Right.

  His thumb brushes the edge of your lips and he straightens his back, but he doesn’t move. He’s always been respectful – before, it was because it was expected of him. Now, it feels as if he understands it.

  ‘Let’s try not to break each other’s heart again,’ you say.

  Topper nods, and smiles, but it’s cautious, as if he’s waiting for the moment to burst. ‘Are you sure?’

  Instead of a response, you press your lips against his, and when he pulls you into his arms, against his chest, you feel at home again.