#don’t understand how i’m the only person in the whole school who is freaking out about this

[gor3sigil]

About being a freak, queer, trans etc.

In all the years I've spent going back and forth with my gender, being sure one day and unsure the next about how I wanted to present, if I wanted to be more fem or masc, if I wanted to be neither of them, there's one thing that I never wished: I never wished to be born cis.

There's something so magical in being trans. To me it's like a never ending childlike wonder of myself and others. I see my body as a white canvas I can do anything with and as a playground for me to explore and find secrets at every turn. It's shedding so many times that I had hundreds of silhouettes and I'm not even 30. It's seeing the most deepest and honest smiles when you hang out with your peers, and they're fully themselves and you are fully yourself even if it's just for one moment.

Being trans is being more naked than ever. My understanding of my own flesh at its core like I'm dissecting it once a year is so whole and complete. Noticing the patterns, the intricate map of my skin, how it grows and stretch with every change even well before HRT as I was practicing new poses and expressions and clothes.

I don't see myself as a flower, I see myself as a whole garden, with bees and critters everywhere, bursting with life in the warmth of the sun under a sky as blue as the cleanest seas.

Regarding the way others see me, mind you, I always was, and I mean ALWAYS, all my life, seen as a freak.

Try to picture this, even tnough you maybe can because this is the story of a whole bunch of us: growing up as a goth, queer and undiagnosed autistic girl, in a little shitty town, the last child of a family of disabled and neurodivergent folks that everyone saw as a family of, well, freaks. The teachers at school knew your brother who was bullied, and your sister who always caused troubles. They don’t know which of these paths you’re going to take but they sure as hell don’t like you. And the only other queer kids you know are a couple of girls who’d chugg down vodka before class in middle school because they were not accepted at home and bullied during recess.

My first queer relationship, also in middle school, was the typical “I loved her to the moon and back but she only wanted to experiment” and it tore down my soul. It took me years to recover from this. I think that, apart from my longest relationship to date, I never put that much of myself into someone I loved. But she was just goofing around and I mean, fair, we were kids, but man did it hurt. I resented her for years after. Now I just hope she’s happy and doing the job she always dreamed of doing.

Anyways, all that to say that I was used to being seen as an outcast. I hated that for years and tried and tried again and again to fit in. It doesn’t work. Because this in not the answer. Remember when I said that my family members were always all disabled ? My father espacially was physically disabled (and probably also autistic but undiagnosed), and he’s still to this day one of the most ableist person I’ve ever met. He knew his kids weren’t “normal”. He fought tooth and nails for us to fit in. Because that’s how he survived. But despite it all, it never worked. Because you can’t force your way into society’s standards.

I never felt more free than when I just gave up trying to. If I was going to be seen as weird anyways, might as well go all the way. Dress as I please, date who I wanted (another story for another time but it didn’t go as planned), enjoy the shit I enjoyed, unapologetically. And guess what ? It stopped the bullying. Because I gained confidence in myself and most of all, pride. I grew proud of being an outcast, so much so that people just started to be like “well, they’re like that anyways” and left me the fuck alone.

I’m rambling lmao but I think it’s important to be aware that nobody will live your life for you. Being your weird self, it’s so hard, butn so rewarding. More rewarding than anything. You’ll start making new relationships based on you TRUE self, you’ll go all the way for your passions, and trust me, you’ll be more free than anyone who bent themselves to fit in the mold and still need to painfully stretch their limbs everyday to keep the act on.

I know that sometimes it’s something you have to do to survive, and that’s perfectly okay. But don’t forget to keep your true self close and to let them out from time to time, okay ? Water down your inner garden. That’s the only way you will truly live.

[idontplaytrack]

“All Mine.”

Janis ‘Imi’ike x overweight fem! reader

Warnings: coarse language, mentions of violence, eating disorders, bit of angry & protective Janis, smut ending

Part 2 of “Don’t Say Forever”, Janis returns to school the next day and goes up against the apex predator. The one who started it all, the one who made school like hell for reader. But all’s well that ends well.

The next day, you stayed home from school, heeding her advice You were simply so done that you didn’t even think of going to school. So when she told you to stay home, you almost immediately agreed. At least you’d have a day of peace instead of having to face those feelings and people. And so, she gets picked up by Damian and they drove to school together.

“Did either of you get any sleep last night?”

“Oh, she slept good.” Janis says with a soft sigh, “I didn’t really sleep.”

“Girl, why the hell not?”

“Because I was up thinking about what to do about the whole bullying/name-calling situation since the school refused to do anything and is still allowing it all to happen right under their noses.”

“Mrs. Norbury did after you both left— Regina was speechless. Everybody was. It was quiet for the first time since everything started. Like— I’ve been telling people to shut the fuck up, you have too, but they never really lasted. But yesterday? That was something else.”

“Regina wouldn’t just stop like that. You don’t know her like I did.” Janis scoffs, “The only way we can win, is by overtaking her on the ‘food chain’.”

“And how do you suggest we do that?”

“We poach her girls.” Janis answered confidently, “y/n told me that Gretchen talked to her yesterday. Saying that Regina calls her what, ‘little miss overthinker’ while talking shit about her— she knows. She’s not that stupid. She’s not that bad. We can convince her to come onto our side instead.”

Damian nodded, “Okay, good. Let’s…do that. And I feel like Aaron can be on our team too, honestly. I’ve seen him check on her and just…glare at some of those miserable minions.”

“Great, more people on our side the better. I still need to talk to that bitch directly though. I tried to once and remember? She screamed bloody murder and tried to get me into trouble.”

“Oh, honey that was a fucking mess.”

“Like— okay, after all of that, I get why y/n’s keeping quiet about this with me. It’s a difficult thing to be going through and sharing but I would rather she talk to me so she can get it off of her mind than have it constantly weighing down on her, you know? I tell her that all the time and she says okay but it never really works.”

“Be patient with her. I know you are doing that but please continue to be.” Damian says.

Janis only nodded then looked out the window.

“Is anyone at home with her?”

“Her Mom is, for the morning. We talked late last night— I finally told her who started the whole bullying thing. But that y/n’s alright at the moment…I’m hoping. She knew that y/n was getting bullied because y/n told her. Not in detail, though. But that’s changed now.”

“Right, it’s good that her Mom’s aware so she can help instead of being upset that y/n’s acting all ‘distant’ or upset. It’s so good that she understands.”

“She told the school first. They claimed there was nothing going on.” Janis recalls, “Then we told them— one ‘investigation’ later? Nothing and yet here we are.”

“Mrs. Norbury risked her job to talk to the school during assembly. That’s ridiculous— she’s doing the right thing.”

“The school’s fucked up. What’s it gotta take for them to finally listen? Lost lives?”

The remainder of the drive was silent, with Damian’s playlist being the only thing heard for the next ten minutes. Damian parks his car then they both walk into school together. The very first person Janis sees…is none other than Regina George. Just the person she needed to see.

“What, freak?” The blonde snarked.

“You are so pathetic to have to find meaning in your life by demeaning other people.” Janis began, “We’re one foot out of high school and you’re still acting like you’re better than others? Shit, the real world sucks and you’d better pray your eyes open up soon enough for you to see it. You wouldn’t last a day in the shoes of anyone else.”

“In the real world, not everyone’s gonna like you.” She said back cockily.

“Yeah? Sure. Not everyone’s going to be bullying someone just ’cause they have nothing else to say so they pick on their weight, and every little thing. No sane person pays that much attention to someone they claim to hate!”

Janis immediately went on her to homeroom with Damian after that, not wanting to let Regina have a chance to respond. When she approached the room, Ms. Norbury was waiting outside. She then stopped her from entering so they could talk. Damian went right in and greeted Mr. Duvall as he walked to his desk.

“I talked to the students yesterday. A lot of them spoke up against Regina, some stayed quiet but they chattering stopped after that. If you or Damian, or y/n hear anything about anything or anyone. I will not hesitate to report them. Every single one of them. If I have to type or write their names until my hands fall off, I will if that’s what it takes to make the school safer.”

“Thank you.” Janis says. Today’s been the most peaceful day in months— no murmuring, pointing of fingers and snickering. But yet, Janis was still furious. “I take it she won’t be coming into school today. Tell her to take all the time off she needs— I’ll have her teachers send her homework home with you.”

“Regina started it. Right in front of our faces.” Janis tells her, “On y/n’s very first day back after her time off last year due to her eating disorder. So, Mrs. Norbury, I am very angry. I am very protective of the girl I love. She has been through enough.”

“Janis, I understand your frustration and it’s absolutely justified. Please don’t engage with Regina anymore. We’ve called for her Mom to come down so we can talk.”

“What’s talking gonna do?”

“We’ll suspend her. She could even be facing expulsion.”

“I talked to her earlier. I didn’t threaten her, I did not hit her. That’s it, i just talked. I had to say something.”

“Okay.” Mrs. Norbury acknowledges.

“Okay.” Janis nodded curtly then walked into class and say down beside Damian.

While Janis and Damian’s days have started, you’d barely just woken up from your sleep. You washed up and trudged downstairs to see that your Mom had made you breakfast. “Morning, Mom.”

“Morning, darling.” Your Mom smooches you on the cheek. You sat down, grabbing your cutlery and digging into the food.

“Janis must’ve talked to you, hasn’t she?” you asked knowingly. Why else would she still be at home on a Wednesday morning? She worked 9 to 5.

“I asked her about it. She didn’t tell me everything because that’s up to you— she said. She did however tell me who started the bullying.”

“Oh.” That’s all you said, not knowing what else you could reply with. “Thanks for breakfast. I’m sorry I’ve been in a bad mood lately, it’s just been really draining to have to go to school and deal with Regina and everyone else.”

“I’m relieved you’re here with me. And that you guys are letting me understand the situation. Don’t worry about it.” She assured. “I get that things like that are really hard to share, but whenever you’re ready, you can talk to me about it. Even if you just want me to listen, alright?”

————

After breakfast, you curled up on the couch to watch some TV. Janis gave you a call around noon, right before her lunch break. “Hey.” You answered the call.

“Hi, love. Whatcha doing?”

“I’m lying on the couch watching The Big Bang Theory reruns.”

“Did you have breakfast yet?” Janis asked.

“Yes.” You assured, “My Mom ate together with me.”

“I’ll be right there after school.” She says with a smile, “Okay?”

“Okay.” You chuckle, “How’s school?”

“Actually good. Regina has been suspended and we now have Aaron and Gretchen in our little friend group. They were the first one to speak up against Regina when Mrs. Norbury talked to all of them during assembly.”

You scoff, “Wow. Okay, um— that— that’s good, I guess.”

“I’ll see you soon, okay? Bye-bye.” Janis says, “I love you.”

“Love you, too.” You replied and she hung up.

You didn’t have anything to do so you eventually dozed off on the couch for the next few hours. The break was much needed after all. You were a little shocked by how long you fell asleep for, because when you woke up, Janis was already in your house. “Oh, shit.” You gasped, clutching your chest, “You’re here.”

“Didn’t mean to scare you.” She grins, “I brought you some— oh, no, baby. What happened to your hand?”

“She dropped a mug while making tea for herself, tried to clean it up but the shards ended up cutting her palm.” Your Mom walked in from the backyard, “Hi, Janis.”

“Hi.” Janis gave her a little bit of a smile. “You’re so clumsy.”

“I know.” You laughed, sitting up properly. Janis sat down beside you and turned the TV back on, handing you the bag of cookies. You took it and got one out of the bag to eat. Naturally she pulls you closer and you just laid your head on her shoulder while the both of you watched TV. She had an arm snaked around your waist as she turned to press a kiss to your head. You smiled, which she saw.

“I saw that.” She teased, giving you another kiss just for the heck of it. She ends up peppering your whole face with kisses which made you laugh. Probably the first genuine one in weeks and weeks. Now face to face with her after she’d stopped kissing you, you see her eyeing your partially eaten cookie. Then, she just ate it right out of your hand. This silly little action made you laugh a lot harder than you probably should have. “I love you so fucking much.” She says while chewing the cookie in her mouth.

“I love you more.” You say back, smile still plastered on your face as the two of you leaned closer foreheads resting against each other’s.

Janis mirrors your smile, hand rubbing your back soothingly.

“Where’s my homework?” You broke the silence. She nearly cackled, “In my bag. Chill, baby. Let’s just relax for a little bit. You’re not behind on your assignments.”

Later on, your Mom headed out to get groceries for dinner tonight, leaving you and Janis home alone for a while. “Hey.” You say. “Yeah?” She asks, putting her phone away.

“You look good in my clothes.” You replied, fingers tracing random shapes on her chest as you watched her eyes.

Janis bites back a grin, cheeks flushed just a tiny bit. “Are you doing what I think you’re doing, babe?” She composed herself quickly. Given your current position where you were laid down on her stomach first. You very easily straddled her, legs bracketing her on either side. Your face inches away from hers, she keeps a firm hand on your back so you wouldn’t fall. You studied her face and eyes for an answer, she does so by putting her lips against yours and her free hand under your chin.

“Not that I’m complaining, but why—”

“Honestly, I don’t know.” You said, “Just suddenly felt in the mood.”

“Maybe we should move this upstairs.” She suggests. You nodded eagerly, climbed off her and ran up the stairs while holding onto Janis’ wrist.

“Made a little pit stop at my place after school.” Janis revealed, “I brought some toys over.”

You locked the door and shut your curtains. As you sat down, emptied her bag. It was the same bag she used for school but was now only containing the sex toys. “Three options. Take your pick and I’m gonna take my time with you.” Janis looked at you while you pondered over the choices, “I can use all three of them on you, too if that’s what you want.”

You were just suddenly…horny and she was more than happy to help you. Not that she doesn’t, but this was just a little different because she usually initiated it. And this time, her eyes…they tell you that she was patient. Not so much in a rush to touch you all over the place. She wanted to know what you wanted, then she’d do it. Usually, things heated pretty quickly, but this was going to be something else. Janis had caught you at the very beginning of your getting in the mood to be intimate.

You picked the strap and a vibrating wand. She left the insertable vibe alone, got ahold of the wand and told you to lie down. You did, and then she carefully slid off your pyjama pants and underwear. “Legs open, baby.”

You automatically did as she told you to, looking up at the ceiling in the midst. Hearing the vibrator get switched on, it gets held against your clit in the next few seconds. You kept your eyes closed in order to feel it more intensely and have that be your main focus. The buzzing sensation was then mixed in with pleasure as it started to course through you gradually. You knew Janis was watching you grow wetter, she will always do that. But now her attention was being a great help in having your arousal grow. “Does it feel good, my love?” Janis chuckled over her words, moving herself down she could start kissing you at the same time. You whined as a reply, instantly giving her all she needed to know. She keeps the wand at the same speed but pressed it harder against your clit every now and then to make you squirm.

“Do you want me to use my hands?” Janis asks, while breaking away from a rather long kiss. You hummed and nodded your head in approval, kissing her again immediately. The kiss keeps deepening, the vibrator gets put down on the bed, getting replaced by her fingers— pumping in and out of you at just the pace you needed.

Janis broke away after awhile and chose to sit down between your legs, fingers still hard at work. Well, she was actually being so very gentle with you. It kind of made you a little crazier than her more common approach. You sounded like a needy little girl under her touch, yearning for more of her despite what she was already doing. This felt more sensual than sinful, if it had to be described.

“Are you sure you want to try the strap, my love?” She asks softly, fingers starting to go deeper with each thrust. “Mm— mhm.” You managed to tell her. “Okay.” She said back, one hand starts to massage your breast. You let out a low moan that you quickly tried to stop by chewing on your lower lip.

She was probably going so slowly because she had guess that you’d be afraid you Mom would be able to hear you two if she were to get home before you finished. But it was exactly what you wanted anyway— you swear, it was like this girl could read your mind or something. When your noises became more frequent, she slowly pulled her fingers out and gave you the wand to hold against your clit. “I’m just gonna put on the strap. I’m not going anywhere— you can see me.” She promised. You nod your head, watching her with semi-closed eyes. The constant, steady pleasure was so satisfying, and absolutely relaxing for you.

Now with the harness securely on, she took the wand away and her fingers returned, so did her kisses. So tender, but purposeful. You were a whiny mess, she was being so soft with you, it riled you up even more to be seeing this side of her.

“You’re all mine, princess.” Janis chuckles into the kiss, “All mine…I’m so lucky.”

Fuck. You whimpered into the kiss and your tongue slowly slid into her mouth, she reciprocates, kissing you back with the same fervour.

“Are gonna keep making those cute little noises for me?”

As if you could answer that. Janis smirked, continuing to kiss you a little while longer before you feel her moving the tip of the silicone shaft along your folds. You licked your lips, pursing them together while watching her in anticipation. You sent a nod of approval her way, not knowing what to expect having never tried it before. You feel everything, the stretching as it enters you, how bizarre it seemed to be, and how uncomfortable it was. Janis saw your face contorting and just stopped moving. You yelped. “It hurts.” You told her honestly. “Okay.” She backs away and the toy leaves you. “Do you wanna stop?” She asks, worriedly.

“No.” You decided, taking in a deep breath.

“Alright.” She agrees, “Let’s try a different position, okay? After I get the lube.”

“Okay” You muttered. The pain didn’t make you lose interest in finishing, you still felt aroused, just maybe ready to never use the strap again after today if it was still uncomfortable. Not everything’s going to work for everyone, after all. There was a lot she could do to achieve the same results. Janis very quickly returns and squeezed some lube onto the silicone, then onto you. You feel it drip onto your cunt then you feel Janis spreading it with her fingers, which dipped inside you just fleetingly. She feels you tighten a bit around her fingers, you see her brows raised for a moment before she flashes you a smile. “You don’t have to do this if you don’t like it.” She caresses your thigh. You nod, “I know. I just wanna try it and see if I do.” “Okay, babe- let’s try it again alright?” She said back, “On your hands and knees, y/n.”

You get into position and she lines up the strap with your entrance using her hand. You feel the tip again, then a similar stretch, less painful but more so uncomfortable. “Can I keep going?” She asks, words laced with worry.

“Yeah, do it.” You replied, she grabs your hips while pushing forward. You moaned lowly, mouth hanging open while you tried to get used to this entirely foreign sensation. “Ooh, such a good girl, baby. You’re taking me so well.” She laughs huskily while rubbing your ass, it sends a chill down your back. Janis stays still to let you adapt to it, you start to realise the tip of it has been pushing against your sensitive spot deep inside, causing the pleasure to course through your body without you even explicitly realising it. She started bucking her hips leisurely to keep things at the same intensity as it has been. You’ve been very quiet though and Janis was starting to want to hear more from you.

Every time Janis bucked her hips, you feel yourself getting closer to your high, and your ability to stay quiet die down bit by bit. More and more noises started to fall from your move with each of her thrusts, as a result of the increasing pleasure.

You weren’t sure about how much time had passed since your Mom left the house. Maybe it’s been forty five minutes, or an hour. Either way, your anxiety of getting caught in this situation was in the way of your making noise for Janis. She deliberately pushed into you harder to force the noises out of you, not giving you the time to worry. What’d you do? You grabbed another pillow and hoped it would do the job of stifling the noise that were just about to spill from your mouth.

“Take it, take it.” Janis panted, thrusting into your cunt harshly, but her pace was still pretty relaxed. “Take it, baby. I’m not done with you yet, are you close?”

You groaned into the pillow, giving her a muffled ‘maybe’. She pulls out the most she could after hearing what you said, then no longer pushing into fully to deprive you from what you needed for a short time so she could build up your desire. You knew what she was doing, and why, but of course, with your orgasm approaching you weren’t happy about the idea of edging because you needed hell of a lot more than what she’d been giving you, to come already.

“I need to come.” You told her pathetically, your cheek pressed against the pillow. You feel feeling yourself aching and clenching around nearly nothing— those weren’t nice feelings to be experiencing.

“Say please?” Janis cooed, “Be a good girl and say please, then I’ll let you.” She was still thrusting inside you, but not even halfway through.

You cried a little bit as much as her pet name for you made you blush. You were feeling so damn desperate and wound up that you only had the goal of a release in your mind. The pleasure was immense, but the ache was what made you frustrated. She knew you were like that— she knew what made you squirm, what made you whine and whimper and moan and she was doing all she can to let the frustration build and build to the point where you had no choice but to beg.

It was beginning to feel infuriating. You mumbled something but you yourself weren’t even sure what it was.

“Speak up, love. I can’t hear you.”

That really ticked you off even though it was the truth— she couldn’t hear you.

“Make me come.” You huffed, giving into her request because it seemed to be the only way. Even though technically, no because she knew you were so close without a doubt. Janis was simply being a fucking tease. “Please.” Immediately, she slams into you, making direct contact with your g-spot easily. You cursed and swore, trying not to fall flat onto your stomach at her sudden movement while an incessant string of noises spewed from your mouth like no one’s business. Janis had a smug smile on her face, you saw it through the peripheral vision. And it clearly did something for you because you very quickly unraveled. Way harder than you’d expected to. Way harder than you did yesterday, shocking both yourself and Janis.

“Holy shit!” She shouts in a whisper, “That is so gorgeous. Damn.” You gave her a shaky whine as she continues to pull you in and push you away, stimulating you to the point where you saw stars. You were still coming— you could feel the damn slick dripping down your thighs. Bordering on overstimulation, the ache in your cunt became more evident, the tears pricking your eyes? A couple of them fell against your will.

Hearing how fucked out you were, Janis pulled out completely after a few minutes and letnyou catch your breath. Ditching the harness, you were then met with the warmth of her tongue. Slow and soft teasing flicks going over each and every part of your overheated pussy. She was absolutely just savouring you like you were a goddamn full-course meal. Now this, was your last straw, the most intense and intimate thing — in your opinion that she’s done since the start of this ‘session’. It did not take you even half as long to come a second time, it took Janis by surprise, but she happily continued and even cleaned you off the same way— being extra, extra gentle of course.

“How was that?” She asks while lying on you, on her stomach as she grins. You bounced your leg, giving her a tiny taste of what you felt. “You’re amazing.” You stated, hand combing through her hair.

“So are you, baby.” She presses a kiss to your lips, you inevitably tasted yourself on them. Though for some reason it startled you and it made her laugh. “Aww.” She teases, brushing the slightly sweaty hair out of your face, “Maybe I should get you used to tasting yourself, what do you think?”

“I’m thinking maybe I should return the favour.” A smirk started to form on your face, “I know you talked to Regina, so don’t even try to deny it. Thank you.”

“Ohh.” Janis looked at you with slightly wide eyes, “I’m not gonna say no to that, baby. Like I said, I’d kill for you. Talking to her is no big deal.”

“Please don’t do that. That’s not good.” One could argue she was joking, but was she capable of something like that? Absolutely. Were you worried? A little. Would she do it? You hoped not.

“I promise.” Janis chuckles into the kiss. “I love you too much to get myself into shit like that.”

🏷️ Tag list:

@ashecampos @auliisflower @cheesysoup-arlo @frogs00 @reneeswif3 @ludoesartnstuffs @pda128

💭A/N: I honestly only started this draft bc I was bored so it is honestly not up to my usual standard at all but hey, enjoy😙

[veryferaldistributions]

Autism is Not “Fun”

(Brutal honesty ahead.)

I think when autistic people such as myself get defensive about certain behaviors or personality traits “not being autistic,” we’re not trying to gatekeep, we’re telling it how it is.

I myself get really aggravated when certain kinds of people who would have been vicious bullies towards me and other autistic peers back in grade school become adults that then turn around and go “omg, autism is cool now! So this innocuous thing I did as a kid MUST be an autistic trait.”

No, it’s not. Autism is not cool. It’s the furthest thing from cool.

Autism is painfully uncomfortable, autism is gross, autism is lonely, autism is isolating, autism is embarrassing.

Autism is slow processing, and looking stupid in front of your class because you don’t understand the material. Even if you’re considered “gifted.” Or not being able to debate friends because your brain isn’t working fast enough.

Autism is having a full crying meltdown in front of your whole class because the fire alarm won’t stop going off or because your science class is using balloons and you’re terrified of them. In high school.

Autism is seeing another autistic kid wearing headphones all day and thinking “god, I don’t want to be equated to that freak.”

Autism is throwing other weirdos under the bus in self defense because “at least I’m not that bad. Maybe if they bully him, they won’t target me.”

Autism is your whole class laughing at you because you’re “freaking out” for seemingly no reason. Then forgetting you even exist the next day.

Autism is picking your nose and eating it or chewing your nails because it’s the one habit you can’t break. And doing it unconsciously in front of your peers.

Autism is having college-level writing skills and first-grade math skills simultaneously.

Autism is constantly being seen as “stupid” or “not applying herself.” And also being on honor roll.

Autism is sudden, violent rage that gets you sent to ISS for verbally threatening one of your bullies.

Autism is the teacher saying your handwriting looks like “chicken scratch.” In front of the whole class.

Autism is fighting with your mom because she wants you to dress “appropriately” but the fabric of the jeans is too overwhelming and all you want are ugly sweatpants.

Autism is being a terrible and possessive friend because you’re so scared of being alone again.

Autism is not having voice modulation, and shouting when you’re nervous.

Autism is not understanding why the class is laughing at you when you mispronounce “Uranus.”

Autism is not ever being able to enjoy fireworks because your brain equates it to being shot at.

Autism is never going to loud concerts and missing out.

Autism is not being able to stand working in retail because your brain fixates on the music until it drives you bonkers. Autism is constant miscommunication with customers.

Autism is not liking the feel of deodorant, so you smell like BO until a teacher calls you out on it.

Autism is farting in class because you don’t know you’re not supposed to do that.

Autism is not knowing you’ve bled on yourself until ANOTHER teacher points it out.

Autism is not being able to look teachers in the eye, even if it’s for something good, because it feels humiliating.

Autism is knowing, deep down, there must be some kind of disconnect, some kind of reason that you only gel with the other autistic kids, but your parents and counselors not having enough knowledge to help you.

Autism is your friends not knowing that THEY are also autistic, or are in denial about it. Even as adults.

Autism is your parents being in even deeper denial about it, because you’re so “high functioning.” But your therapist saying you are, beyond a shadow of a doubt, autistic.

In closing, I don’t completely hate being autistic, I don’t want to be cured, but I’d never say I’m “glad” I have autism. Life has gotten easier not being in public school, but the workforce still sucks with autism. It is what it is.

[ravs6709]

Brilliant Muse- Yoohankim

Word count: 2.1k words

or: read on ao3 here!

For @orv-gotcha-for-gaza!!! Prompt was yhk high school au, and I couldn't help but think of @/jomeimei421's yhk post so i couldn't not write it. Lemme be real i'm a vv tame person (unlike these fucking freaks) and so it's a little hard for me to write them but like. it's also so fun??? ty @sarcasticmirage for providing the prompt!!

its mostly pre-relationship but i did add a post getting together snippet for funsies <3, its a 3+1 (+1) style fic, lots of sillies

God I wish I knew more webnovel tropes. But so far orv is my first and only webnovel so cant say tm about leaning into clichés...

Warnings: swearing, minors making jokes about sex

•~•~•~•~•~•

“Han Sooyoung,” Kim Dokja said, placing his phone down on his desk. “What is wrong with you?”

“What the fuck did I do???” she asked, teeth already bared at him.

He sighed, resting his elbow on the desk and placing his chin into his palm. “Yoo Joonghyuk would not say that.”

“Who the fuck told you this was Yoo Joonghyuk, stop fantasizing about him you freak—”

“His name is Yoo Joonhyun, you are so uncreative—”

“Say that again, I dare you—”

He didn’t even have time to respond before she reached across the desk, hands grabbing at collar. When he pried one of her hands off, she scratched at his hands. What was the need for nails that long in the first place? Kim Dokja was convinced she grew them out with the express purpose of torturing him. It wasn’t like she ever let her nails stay long for an extended period of time, so clearly it wasn’t for some aesthetic purpose.

“We’re in a library,” he reminded her.

Her grip loosened on his collar, pulling them away with a sigh. “Fine, we’re leaving. My place. And I’ll buy us snacks.” She reached into her backpack and fished out a whole stack of bills.

“How gracious of you to spend your hard-earned money on me,” he said, picking up his backpack. “Always humbled to be in your rich presence.”

“I could always just buy for myself.”

“Do it, then.”

About half an hour later, they arrived in her room, tossed the bag of snacks they’d bought off to the side of the bed and sat down.

“Why are you writing Yoo Joonghyuk fanfiction?” Kim Dokja asked, getting straight to the point.

Her cheeks puffed and her jaw clenched. “His name is Yoo Joonhyun.”

“Still too close.”

“Whatever. You keep talking about him every day, so I’m writing out the fantasies I know you’ve been having about him.”

He gagged. He never once thought of Yoo Joonghyuk like that.

“Yeah, I’d gag too. The fuck is your deal with him anyway, huh? You’ve got his name haunting my nightmares and shit. Be grateful I’m catering to your dogshit taste. Nobody else would ever write your Yoo Joonghyuk fanfiction."

He raised an eyebrow. “I thought you were insisting that it wasn’t?”

He instinctively raised his arms to block an impending lunge but to his surprise, she didn’t charge at him like a wild animal.

“This shit is specialized for you, you better appreciate it well, you asshole.”

He opened up his phone again, looking back at the first chapter draft that she’d sent him. It wasn’t nearly as polished as all of her other stories she’d written and posted were, but…

“Are you going to continue writing it?” he asked.

After a few seconds, she crossed her arms. “I’m sure I can find time for at least a chapter a week. You know, ‘cause I’m a genius writer.”

He resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

~•~•~•~•~•

⸢Yoo Joonhyun faced the constellations and smirked. “If you want to play games, then fine. I’ll play your games, hahaha.”

He was the <Ruler of Amusement> after all, there was no game that Supreme King would ever lose.⸥

“Hey, why’d you stop scrolling?” Han Sooyoung asked, frowning at him.

He frowned back. “Why is he laughing?”

She sighed. “Of course you wouldn’t understand. Don’t you get it? No, of course he would never normally laugh like that. But do you ever think about how Yoo Joonghyuk would feel throughout his lives? Gaming is his comfort, given that he always wins.”

He ignored how she didn’t even call her character by the proper name. ‘His name is Yoo Joonhyun’, what a joke. “I still don’t think he would laugh like that.”

“You’ve seriously got no sense of a character’s emotions, you know that? I’m a writer, I know full well.”

“I’m a reader.”

She scoffed. “Yeah yeah, I know that. Ugh. Whatever, I’ll maybe see to reword the scene, though I make no promises.”

He hummed, reading it over and now further on. The more he read on, the more he imagined being Yoo Joonghyuk, the more he could almost see her vision. Almost. At the very least, he could see where she was coming from. Han Sooyoung said nothing else, and he could feel her gaze heavy on him as he continued to leave comment after comment on the document.

Once he was done, she nodded, seemingly satisfied.

~•~•~•~•~•

As she figured, from the smug, cackling guys exiting the alleyway—the cackling pissed her off, so she beat them up—Han Sooyoung found Kim Dokja on the ground in said area. She stood a few metres from him as he composed himself, brushing off a few loose pebbles from his jacket.

Ugh. Annoying. Did he think being blank faced made him look cool or something? He looked pitiful, if anything. Every day she questioned why she hung around with a loser like him.

“Quit trying to act like Yoo Joonghyuk,” she said, turning out the alley.

“I'm not him,” he scoffed, “why would I ever want to act like that bastard?”

Despite his words, Han Sooyoung knew what he was probably thinking. He very much wanted to be Yoo Joonghyuk—pretty faced, strong muscles, whatever things men were aspiring to have and all that. But more importantly, to be untouchable. Nobody messed with Yoo Joonghyuk.

Probably because he's too much of an asshole for people to want to bother with, she thought.

“Ugh, speaking of him,” she said, walking on. “He’s been getting more fangirls lately. I've been seeing more people talk about him, and follow him around.”

“I know. People have been learning about his gaming and tournaments.”

“Right. You'd know, you're his number one fangirl.”

“I'm not a fangirl.”

“Sorry, number one stalker.”

“I don't stalk him.”

She rolled her eyes, even though she knew he wouldn't be able to see it. “Where's his place, from here?”

She turned to him. Obviously he wouldn't answer it, so it was up to staring at his dumb face in order to read him. Which didn't really say much, but she figured that he did know anyway.

“Whatever. I'm turning him into an animal for a few chapters, got suggestions?”

He hummed. “A wolf, maybe?”

She turned to him, disgusted. “I'm not fueling your omegaverse fantasies. I don't need your sex dreams, don't even tell me which you want him to—”

“Han Sooyoung, why was your first thought omegaverse?”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Don't make him a cat, I can already tell you were going to project—”

“If I was a furry, I wouldn't be a cat, I'd be a dragon, excuse you. But I guess a wolf would fit Yoo Joonghyuk.”

~•~•~•~•~•

Han Sooyoung had just recently finished her next chapter—a more action-packed one. Honestly? Not her greatest stuff, but Kim Dokja seemed to be eating it up.

Of course, even a good author needed to make use of scenes with less emotional value or common tropes. It was about tying it all together, relating to the themes of the story. And Han Sooyoung was a genius of an author, so naturally Kim Dokja would enjoy what she wrote. She'd have to kill him if he didn't, given she put too much effort into writing it.

“Why Yoo Joonghyuk, specifically?” she asked.

He glanced up at her briefly, then went back to his little fanfiction.

“There's plenty of strong guys in the school. Or girls. Like Jung Heewon or whatever,” she continued.

He still didn't bother looking up at her. “Don't involve Heewon-ssi in your writing, she doesn't deserve that kind of treatment.”

Annoying.

“I bet I could take Yoo Joonghyuk on.”

“He goes to the gym, three times a week, and practices kendo with Heewon-ssi. The most I ever see you do is an occasional jog.”

“First off, fuck you. Second, you know I can fight, I beat up people all the time.” Beat up the people who bully you, went unsaid. “Yeah, he has size, and knows kendo, but this is a fistfight, and I will bite him."

“Gross. Don't tell me about your biting kink—”

She shoved her chair back and dove at him, hands grabbing at his collar. “Wanna die??? Want me to prove how strong I am?”

“Han—”

In the blink of an eye, her hands were pried away. She was spun around, hands now grabbing at her collar, lifting up with a stupid amount of ease.

“The hell are—”

Her eyes flitted up to see a face she hated. Stupid pretty face belonging to an asshole.

“Are you Han Sooyoung.”

She flailed, clawing at his arm, but he didn't even flinch. Bastard. What the hell was his arm made out of, metal?

“I assume you are,” Yoo Joonghyuk continued.

He turned to look at the side, and she followed his gaze, realizing that there were many pairs of eyes on them. From Kim Dokja on the floor staring up with pathetic, awestruck eyes, to Yoo Joonghyuk holding her in the air, they were drawing too much attention.

He seemed to think the same thing, leaving the library, still carrying her. What the fuck, why was he acting like she was just a bag of rice? He full on walked outside of the school, pushing her against a wall.

“I have questions,” he said.

She couldn’t even move her body enough to bite his fingers off, damn it. She gave up, looking up at his eyes. “Fine. Go on. Ask.”

He narrowed his eyes. “Why are you stalking and spreading information about me.”

“Huh? I’m not spreading anything about you—”

“Someone leaked the fact that I’m going into gaming.”

You weren’t exactly keeping it that much of a secret, she wanted to say, but held in her tongue. Kim Dokja barely had to do anything to find that out. “Your name would spread eventually the more you play. And that wasn’t me—”

He leaned closer, hands gripping tighter. “I know it was you. I have asked many people, and it all eventually leads to you.”

She sighed. “I’m not stalking you, and I don’t have a need to know whatever bullshit you do in your spare time, leave me alone.”

A second. Two. “You’re ly—”

Kim Dokja ran into the area, panting. And he had the nerve to insult her physical capabilities.

“Why are you here.”

Kim Dokja’s stupid wide eyes finally shone more normal. “What?”

“Wasn’t she bullying you. Why are you back. Leave. I have business with her.”

“Kim Dokja, fuck off,” she said. She was definitely gonna fight this guy, but she didn’t need Kim Dokja to see the possibility of her losing.

Yoo Joonghyuk turned back to her. “Because of you, people think that I am… a furry. They will not leave me alone.”

She blinked, twice, three times. “Pft. Don’t be rude to the furry community.” She knew full well how this whole thing was going. “Wolf? Be grateful you’re not something worse—” wait, shit, “not that it’s my fault.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“I don’t know shit about you, leave me alone.” 

He glared, then lowered her down. “I am going to keep a close eye on you. Both of you.” He added, glancing at the silent Kim Dokja, then turned around and dramatically left. She could imagine an imaginary cape or trenchcoat swishing.

Ugh. She needed to avoid him at all costs.

~•~•~•~•~•

(He stuck annoyingly close. Closer than he ever had the right to be.)

~•~•~•~•~•

(Han Sooyoung opened her laptop, loading up one of her older documents. She pinched Kim Dokja’s side, trying to get his attention. As always, he was on his phone. She pinched him again, then turned her screen to face him better. “Should I rewrite this? Yoo Joonghyuk is too lame to say things like I wrote.”

“Didn’t I tell you he would not say that?”

“I’m talking about the shit you did approve of.” She huffed, leaning in to bite the exposed skin at his side.

He shoved her off of his lap. “Don’t bite me.”

“Too bad. As I was saying, I need to rewrite Yoo Joonhyun’s—”

“Are you two still writing that bullshit.”

She looked up, saw him towering over them. “What, you think I stopped just because you found out about it? A certain reader here is still desperate.”

“Don’t blame me for what you write.”

Yoo Joonghyuk turned to Kim Dokja. He bent down. “I am right here.” 

Han Sooyoung watched as he placed a firm kiss to his lips, the resulting noise muffled. “Gross. Keep that to yourselves.”

He turned to look at her again, then walked away. He didn’t even kiss her. Bastard.)

•~•~•~•~•~•

orv taglist: @subrosasteath

Want to be added/removed from the taglist? Just let me know!

[lov3rsrck]

COWBOY LIKE ME |

Chapter two: Make The Deal

Mattheo Riddle × Hufflepuff!OC

Series trope: Fake Dating

Chapter two summary: when confronted by Mattheo about his letter, he and Cordelia strike up a deal.

Warning: none

Author's note: sorry for taking so long to post chapter two, I’ve been in such a depressive state lately

Enjoy reading and feel free to give me helpful criticism :)

Overall masterlist | series masterlist | chapter one

“CAN WE TALK?” Cordelia's eyes stayed focused on the envelope in Mattheo’s hands rather than his eyes.

“Uh…no?” Cordelia turns to rush away when she feels a hand on her arm, stopping her.

She shuts her eyes tight. This is not happening, oh my god.

“Look, we really need to talk.”

She stayed quiet.

“Listen, i'm not freaked out by the letter or anything, but we really need to talk.” he reiterated once again.

Cordelia took a deep breath as she looked at the ceiling.

“Fine, Fine. About what?” She turned to look at him again. Obviously she knew it was about the letter, otherwise why the hell would Mattheo riddle be talking to her? Why would the scariest slytherin be standing in the hallway asking her to talk?

Mattheo looked around at the students throughout the hallway surrounding them before speaking,

“Maybe we should go somewhere else,” his mouth changed into a joking smirk, “I mean, unless you want everyone who doesn't already know to find out about your little letters.”

Cordelia cut him off with a swift no, and agreed to find somewhere else to discuss this whole mess.

THAT’S HOW SHE and Mattheo end up sitting on the ground in the courtyard, partially hidden behind the rose bushes.

Cordelia waited for him to speak. After all, it was him that wanted to talk about the dumb letter.

“I’m flattered, really I am–” Cordelia scoffed at his cocky tone.

“That letter wasn't even supposed to be read by you–or anyone–so don't get too excited.”

Cordelia crossed her arms over her body. She wanted to crawl into a hole and die. She wanted to fold inside her own skin and disintegrate completely.

“This might be…confusing, I guess, but your little letters could be a good thing for the both of us.”

“Please, how could the whole school knowing I wrote love letters to people I had crushes on be a good thing for me? That sounds more like a death sentence.”

Mattheo rolled his eyes at my negative words, “Give me like five seconds to explain.”

She sighed but let him continue to explain his reasoning behind bringing her here to talk privately.

“I need someone to date that's gonna piss off my father. You need to get Cedric and whoever else got a letter off your back.”

Cordelia blinked once, then twice, then furrowed her brows. “I'm failing to see how those two things are at all connected or relevant.”

Mattheo groaned as his hand ran over his face, acting like he said something extremely simple for Cordelia to understand.

“I’m saying that by getting this,” he said, referring to the letter in his hand, “it is going to solve both of our problems.”

“You,” he exaggerated and pointed at her, “are the exact type of person that my dad despises. You’re not a slytherin, you’re not a death eater, and you’re a mudblood.”

Her eyebrows raised at that word. Mudblood. Jesus, his dad is more of a jerk than I imagined.

“And who's a better person to keep Cedric from telling everyone about the letter or being weird about it than me? This whole damn school’s scared of me. Nobody’s gonna talk shit about you or the letters if you’re with me.”

Cordelia thought hard about what Mattheo was saying. Was he seriously implying that they date? That's a ridiculous plan, even for him.

“Nobody’s gonna believe that we are together. Come on, you and me? Dating? That's the most far-fetched idea I've ever heard of.”

“If you have a different plan, then I'm all ears.”

But she didn’t have another plan. She could only think of dropping out, but that would be crazy to do over something like this.

“Come on…Cordi.” He smirked at the nickname.

“You don’t get to call me that.” Cordelia shut him down quickly. Only her real friends got to use that nickname.

She stayed silent for a minute before sighing, “Fine, I'll do it. But there has to be rules.”

“Rules?” She nodded.

“Yes, rules,” she grabbed a small piece of paper and her quill from her bag, “since we’re not actually dating, there are certain things that we can’t do.”

Matteo leaned closer to her to examine the list as she wrote it, “like what?”

“Well for starters, you can’t kiss me—”

“Wait, wait, wait. How is anyone going to believe in this,” he motioned his finger between the two of them, “if we never kiss.”

Cordelia bit her lip as she thought about it.

“...We’re just going to have to show them we’re ‘together’ in other ways.”

He thought for a moment before he gave her his idea, “Are you against holding hands? What about tie switching occasionally?,” his mouth grew into that dumb smirk he always seemed to do as he thought of something else, “that’ll give people the impression that we spent the night together, if you know what i mean.”

She scoffed at his inappropriate words. Of course he'd make it dirty, its mattheo riddle.

“Okay, gross, but I guess it could work. But you can't go around saying we…do that. And no, i'm not against holding hands.”

Cordelia began to scribble out a list onto the paper:

1. No kissing

Mattheo grabbed the paper and quill from Cordelia when she finished, writing his own thing down.

“What are you writing?”

Mattheo didn't answer her at first, scribbling down words that she couldn't see from her spot across from him.

“There’s a quidditch game tonight, and you have to go to it,” he began.

“Okay? i go to all the quidditch games–” he cut her off, finishing his own sentence.

“And you have to cheer for me and wear my jersey.”

The game tonight was Hufflepuff vs. slytherin. She looked at Mattheo like he was crazy, “Wait, I can't cheer for you?! The Hufflepuffs will all but disown me if I cheer for the opposite team.”

“Oh yeah, because they’re totally not going to ‘disown’ you for dating a slytherin?”

Cordelia hadn't thought about that. They were going to look at her badly anyway. Between the letter to Cedric to her now being with Mattheo, whether it's fake or not.

“Oh, right. Fine, whatever, I'll cheer for you.”

2. Cheer for Mattheo at all quidditch games

Codelia takes the paper back and writes as she speaks.

“Obviously we can't tell anyone if we want people to believe we’re really together.” Mattheo nodded his head in agreement.

“And I want you to walk me to all of my classes.”

“Why?” Mattheo’s brows scrunched up at her request.

“Because it's romantic, that's why. You were the one that said we need to make this as realistic as possible.”

He sighed but nodded his head. Cordelia went back to writing the list.

3. Tell nobody

4. Walk me to my classes

“Anything else?” Cordelia looked up from the paper at him. He was already looking at her.

“Nope, don't think so.” Cordelia fiddled with the quill in her hand at the awkward silence between her and Mattheo.

After what felt like forever, He spoke.

“So it's official, we have a deal?” Mattheo asked and the two of them stood up from the ground finally.

Cordelia folded up the paper with the list on it and placed it into her bag before looking at him.

“Yes. We have a deal.”

CORDELIA SAT IN the corner of the library after the whole exchange went down, staring down at the list she and Mattheo made. There was one thing that she felt was missing.

5. Don't fall in love

After all, she wrote that love letter about him for a reason, even if it was when she was younger.

overall masterlist | series masterlist | chapter three (coming soon)

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

I feel like we’re not appreciating Eddie and Nancy’s friend dynamic nearly enough as a fandom

Obviously the lack of screen time is heavily to blame, but I think there is some fun stuff to work with.

From the word go, Eddie understands and does not question the fact that Nancy is in charge.

Now remember, this is the girl who dated Steve Harrington for a full year and then broke up with him to be with fellow freak Jonathan Byers. Granted, I don’t think he and Eddie were friends, but there was likely a mutual understanding of each other’s outcast standings within Hawkins. All this to say that Eddie is likely aware of Nancy and mildly confused on how the school princess ended up with Byers.

And then Upside Down stuff happens, turns out she owns guns, plural, and oh, I guess that’s how that works.

Meanwhile Nancy is likely only mildly aware of Eddie and knows him to be the guy who runs Mike’s nerdy D&D group. She’s one of the few people in Hawkins who understands that D&D is just a dumb game and Eddie Munson is mostly harmless. She’s faced down worse than him and so it doesn’t even occur to her to be intimidated by his persona.

Nancy is one of the few people who can cut through the bullshit with him and get him to answer a question like a person. In turn, I feel like Eddie straight up trusts Nancy from the start which is rare for him. He can go to her with a legitimate problem and knows she’s going to give him a straight answer.

I just think the idea of Mike complaining about something, Nancy shuts him down so he looks to Eddie and Eddie is like, “no, I’m listening to your sister, tough luck dude”.

Now to be clear, I don’t think there is anything romantic between them. I’m not even sure how often they would hang out individually as opposed to with the whole group. I just think they can make a surprisingly strong duo if given the opportunity.

[kasienda]

yin and yang, chapter 4, “Adrien somehow made it through the whole day.”

Adrien somehow made it through the whole day. Marinette had never shown up. He had texted her, but she hadn’t responded yet. He tried not to panic.  “Do you think she’s okay?” Adrien asked Tikki.  Tikki smiled warmly. “I’m certain that if she wasn’t, you’d be the first person she would call.”  He let out a sigh of relief. Tikki was right. He normally got pulled from class for a day for all sorts of reasons. There was no reason to freak out.  But he missed her. Her presence had a way of soothing his anxiety if only because she could give him hints through every interaction.  He slipped through the doors of the bakery. Marinette’s mother was at the front and smiled at him brightly. Something in his chest squirmed. Marinette’s parents were so nice.  “Hey sweetie! How was school?”  “It was great!” Adrien assured her with a smile, but Sabine’s smile actually faltered. “Come here, Xīngān.” Adrien stepped around the counter, every muscle locked in tension as his heart pounded in his chest, once again completely uncertain as to what he did wrong. Sabine’s arms wrapped around him and pulled him into a hug. “You don’t have to pretend, you know. Not when you’re at home.” “Pretend?” he echoed. Had Sabine already figured him out? He didn’t think so. She was holding him and referring to him by the sweetest of Mandarin nicknames. She wouldn’t do that if she knew.  “Pretend that you’re okay,” she said, like it was obvious.  Adrien didn’t know what to say. What was she asking him to do? Break down into tears in her arms or whine about his day?  Neither would have been tolerated by his father.  She was stroking his hair, and he finally felt himself melt into her embrace. “I know, m-maman,” he said, trying hard not to stumble over the familial title and failing. After a week, it hadn’t gotten any easier. “I’m just tired.” Sabine nodded. “Well, if you want to take a nap, I’m sure your papa would understand.” “What?” “It’s Wednesday! Did you forget?” “I guess I just lost track of the days. He’s in the back?” Adrien pointed towards the bakery.  Sabine smiled. “As always,” she said. She kissed his forehead. “Have fun, okay?”  Adrien entered the back room of the bakery with only a little trepidation. Sabine has just told him to have fun, so it couldn’t be anything bad, right? Was this an every Wednesday thing that Marinette had forgotten to mention? Or a this Wednesday thing? Marinette didn’t have a calendar telling him where to be and when.  He was rapidly discovering that he didn’t know what to do with himself and all the unstructured time.  Tom’s whole face lit up when Adrien entered. It was surreal. Adrien’s father never looked at him with such open joy.  “There you are, cupcake! How was your day?”  “It was fine,” Adrien said. Tom was in the middle of decorating cookies and there was obviously a spot right next to him, waiting for Marinette to fill.

At some point, I had read an article about people who grow up in abusive dynamics - where a lot of the time they actually have a hard time in healthy relationships because their brain doesn't believe that it's real. They're actually more stressed out because they're waiting for the other shoe to drop at all times and when it doesn't, that just puts them even more on edge. I was trying to capture a little bit of that dynamic in Adrien's interactions with Marinette's parents.

He's always ready for his father to start in on the criticism, he's bracing himself for it at all times. So when he's Marinette with her parents he's still expecting that to happen at some point. That he's going to make a mistake at some point and they'll come down on him hard. This is all exacerbated by the fact that he's trying to pretend to be Marinette at the same time and is nervous about them figuring out that he's not.

Then it's all made just a little bit more stressful by the fact that his own mother is not around, and so just addressing anyone as mom brings all that up for him. And that in some ways, this is what Adrien wishes his family life was like. So he wants it, craves it, but is also terrified of stealing it from Marinette. ... Director's Ask Game if you want me to do another scene/snippet from any of my fics!

Link to the fic if you want to keep reading! Haha!

[numbknee]

Enough of the suffering thru the asks abt all the other cartman ships, what abt your brain rot? 🥺 what *are* your thoughts on kyman?? Go ham dude

ooooh dear... where to begin with the kyman brainrot....... I guess I’ll start at the beginning. VERY LONG POST under the cut. this is basically my kyman meta magnum opus lmao

I’ve talked about this ad nauseam before, but I really, REALLY didn’t want to get into south park. I had only ever watched like 2 full episodes before 2021 and I simply did not understand the appeal. I just thought the draw to the show was the shock factors: gross-out humor, children swearing and committing violence, and blatant bigotry played for laughs. I didn’t understand how it could be so popular other than “well I guess there are lots of horrible people out there who like this horrible show.” 

I grew up in a very WASP-y town and had peers in elementary/middle school who learned about the existence of antisemitism and other bigotries through south park. because kids are stupid and don’t understand satire, many of them took it at face value and were able to have shittons of words added to their vocabulary to put people down and insult them. it was horrible tbh. and I hated the show for that, even as a young kid. I personally wasn’t perfect by any means but even as a snot-nosed, extremely sheltered little white girl I knew that you just shouldn’t do that shit. our school system in particular lauded the “golden rule” constantly (we had to do a school-specific pledge after the pledge of allegiance every day... yeah I know, very american) and I was like “cmon, you guys can’t even follow that ONE RULE to be a semi-decent human being?? really??”

anyway at the end of 2021, my younger brother asked me to watch the post-covid specials with him and he was very excited about it. I was immediately hesitant, especially because in recent years he has become alarmingly incel-y and took a hard turn to the right while I became a leftist. I reluctantly agreed to sit through it to try to understand him more because, even though his political ideology sucks ass, he’s still my brother and I do love him. 

so I watched the specials, and I came out the other side of it shell-shocked with how surprisingly good the writing was. THIS stupid show, the show that all this time I thought was bottom-of-the-barrel comedy, was... GOOD??? particularly regarding CARTMAN?? 

the only things I knew about cartman going into it were the following: he’s fat, he says the name “kyle” weird, and he’s a horrible antisemite. and they made him grow up to be a freaking RABBI. it completely caught me off guard and *gasp* actually made me laugh???? what???? 

there were plenty of other things I loved about the post-covid specials, like my depressed ass relating WAAAY too hard with stan, the extremely on-the-nose satire of the state of advertisement/capitalism with the stupid “denny’s applebee’s max” restaurant chain gag and all the old people being shoved into a giant prison retirement home once they aren’t productive anymore, kenny getting sick of the gang’s bullshit and writing “FUCK THESE HOES” on a beloved childhood photo, butters become a snake-oil salesman for NFTs, kyle being told to “think like a kid” and like 2 seconds later realizing they need to look up kenny’s ass. I could go on but you get the point. 

I liked it way more than I thought I ever would. and obviously, I often find south park funny for different reasons than my brother does because matt & trey are very good at toeing the line of appealing to both sides of the american political spectrum, but it’s become a point of bonding between us in the year since I started watching the show and I’m grateful for that. 

of course, since i’m terminally on tumblr and ao3, I also started to dive into the fandom of south park. I had heard about the whole creek thing years ago and waved it off as a stupid gag but then I realized wait, holy shit, there’s actually a GIGANTIC shipping culture around south park??? at first I got into style because of the interesting concept of post-covid kyle and stan reconnecting after decades apart and not being the same people they used to be but trying to make it work anyway (I even wrote a fic about it ahahaa...) 

but after a while I got tired of the ship because as I watched the rest of the show, I realized their relationship just wasn’t as interesting as I thought it would be. like they’re best friends but... why? because they’ve known each other forever? they both like video games? they make fun of cartman together? the fact they’re “super-best-friends” is kind of taken for granted by the show and the audience, but imo matt and trey never really explore the intricacies of their relationship very much. y’all can disagree with me on this but idk, all I know is that I got bored with style as a ship after like 2 months.

while scrolling through ao3 and tumblr, I ran across kyman fics/fanart for the first time back in february or so. at first I was appalled because... why the everloving fuck would you ship the blatant antisemite with the jewish kid??? really???? isn’t style a much better choice??? but sheer curiosity got the better of me, so I did what I always do when I’m curious about a ship: select for fics with kyle broflovski/eric cartman, sort by kudos, and read the first result (or in this case the second because the first had creek as the main ship). y’all know which fic that is if you’ve even slightly gotten into kyman. it was interesting, but I personally didn’t see them as the actual characters from the show in that fic. they were fandom versions of kyle and cartman, with their personalities changed enough to fit the standard mlm shipping dynamic that’s popular in fandom spaces (particularly regarding dom/sub aspects). I’ve seen it happen in plenty of other fandoms so I wasn’t surprised, but I still couldn’t see how it could possibly work if one were to use their canon character depictions. 

all the while I was making my way through episodes of the show cuz it’s long af, and over time I became more and more intrigued with kyle and cartman’s relationship. cartman quickly became my favorite character in the show because of how fucking complex and layered his personality is (see my tags on this post), and though kyle despises cartman in countless ways, he still is the only one who consistently tries to find goodness in him, tries to make him change for the better, saves him when no one else will, and remains his friend despite everything. it’s a remarkably complex dynamic.

little hints of kyman started creeping up on me: cartman being frequently queer-coded as a closeted gay kid. kyle getting extremely jealous of cartman and heidi’s relationship. both of them on separate occasions saving the other from death or injury without wanting any credit for it or lording it over each other. “we've been through a lot together, and... maybe that alone doesn't make us friends, but it makes us something” 

needless to say, I started to get it. and then I encountered the straw that broke the camel’s back: “know your enemy” by elsen on ao3. I’m not exaggerating when I say I’ve read that fic probably over a dozen times. it was shockingly well-written and so in-tune with the style and tone of the show that I was like “is this person spirit-channelling trey parker or something wtf???” and all of a sudden, I could see how, in a different universe, kyman could actually be an endgame ship. 

what sold me on it the most was how in-character it seemed for cartman to be a repressed, denial-ridden sub, especially regarding his desired relationship with kyle. there’s plenty of canon evidence that cartman has a secret crush on kyle (see this vid by johnny 2 cellos), but there’s no way that kyle could reciprocate those feelings, right?? imo kyle would probably rather die than enter a romantic relationship with cartman where he had to submit to him all the time, but if cartman would want kyle to be dominant over him??? where kyle has control and is able to curb cartman’s problematic behavior as he sees fit??? that opens up a whole other door of possibilities.

I think what kyle wants more than anything else in the world regarding cartman is for the goodness he sees deep down inside him to come to the surface, and for kyle to be the one to guide him (or force him when necessary) to becoming a better person through love and patience and inherent understanding of his fucked up little head??? I can definitely see kyle wanting that (especially since I see kyle as a repressed, denial-ridden sadist/dom lmao; see this post for my thoughts on that). 

it was all downhill from there. I found tons of other cool kyman shippers on tumblr and twitter whose writing and fanart helped suck me in even more and I’ve been stuck in kyman hell ever since. special shoutout to the asker for her kyman analysis posts that inspired this fic I wrote! love u boo <3

ANYWAY that’s how I became a whore for kyman lolololol ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿ have a nice day everybody

[thelewdpokemanik]

Miu iruma, junko enoshima, or Kaede Akamatsu .

Which one is the most fitting of the "ultimate bimbo" according to makoto ?

Thank you @cowedeacumootsu for both the ask and the images! Love Love <3

"Ah well, I think it depends on what you're looking for in a bimbo, right? For example, Junko's got the style down pat."

"The make-up, the clothes, the hair, she's not the Ultimate Fashionista for nothing. I know she's always wearing that thick lipstick just to leave rings around my cock. But that's also a big flaw of hers for some people I would think. Very much a free thinker, forward planner, and go-getter kinda girl. Can't say I don't see the good in that myself, but some people think a good bimbo should be an obedient one, and I can understand that too.

Can't count the number of times my plans were waylaid because Junko ambushed me in a hallway, or was waiting for me in my dorm room.

If you prefer your bimbos more docile, then you'd probably prefer Miu."

"That girl won't be trying anything, and if she does, she'll fold if you so much as raise your voice at her. Manhandle her for a bit, and she'll melt. Give her a good spanking, and you'll have a love-struck slave on your hands for the next few hours.

I learned how to handle her the hard way if you will. Miu was a tease and a bitch when I first met her, or she was acting like one at least. She kept pushing me and pushing me, until I finally gave her what she was asking for.

A few hours later, Miu had learned that teasing me meant me being horny and that I wouldn't hesitate to put the slut in her place to satisfy myself.

That doesn't mean she doesn't still try, but we both know she's simply trying to rile me up to fuck her. And if I don't feel like it, or am busy with another slut, simply telling her to 'go masturbate in a corner' will have the blonde scampering to obey me.

But another issue that both those girls have is that I think they fail to be bimbos on a more base level. Oh, they might look and act like bimbos, but they don't think like one.

Both Junko and Miu are Ultimates. They may act like bimbos, or dress like one, but they will always be their Ultimate before anything else.

That’s probably why I would personally say Kaede’s the best bimbo.

When Kaede first entered this school, she was scouted as the Ultimate Pianist. She was known pretty widely as the Piano Freak, a girl who would regularly play until she passed out, either from lack of sleep, or hydration.

But the moment I saw her, I saw something special

With her determined attitude, her single-minded passion, and the way her tits strained against her sweater, I saw a girl who wasn’t operating at her full potential. And as her Senpai, I decided I had to help her out. Give her proper guidance, if you will.

A few hours later, Kaede was drowning in my cum, and her brain was like wet clay, ready to learn at my feet.

Later that same day, Kaede was walking into the headmaster’s office, begging him to let her change her talent to train and become the Ultimate Bimbo.

It’s been a few months now, and I’m pretty sure Kaede couldn’t care less about piano, unless you were talking about fucking her atop one. The only thing she cares about nowadays is cock and cum and sex. She’s been making good use of Hope’s Peak’s facilities to train both her body and mind to become a proper sex toy every day since we first met.

And, well, the results speak for themselves, don’t they?"

"Like I said, the girl’s driven. She knows what she wants, and she wants to do it until she physically cannot anymore.

Problem is, not just anyone can handle the new Ultimate Bimbo. Once, she invited her whole class, boys and girls, to an orgy, where she fucked all of them into the ground. Thankfully, the Ultimate Nurse was on site, or Hope’s Peak might’ve been in trouble with all the broken pelvises and dehydrated students.

Even luckier, I was close by to fuck the cow into unconsciousness before she could attack the nurse.

Though the experience did nothing to slow down Kaede’s training. If nothing else, the school was even more invested in seeing just how far she could push herself, and, well, now they also had a boy to keep her in check.

Can’t say if I really deserved the title of Ultimate Stud after that incident, but most everyone agreed, so I didn’t try and resist when they gave it to me. I think it’s mostly honorific until I actually begin making use of the training Hope’s Peak has offered me, though I don’t see much of a reason to do so.

I also didn’t protest when they moved Kaede to my room, for me to fuck into a babbling mess every night, lest she sneak into some unsuspecting victims’ room for the night.

And I can’t deny that Kaede deserves to be called the Ultimate Bimbo either. Usually, I have to go through two, maybe three, sometimes four girls before calming down enough to put my pants back on, but Kaede isn’t afraid to match me thrust for thrust.

By the time I fuck her to exhaustion, I’m feeling pretty winded myself. Not ‘tired’, of course, but still. Enough that some of the other girls are starting to feel backed up themselves now that I no longer need to go through half the student body every week.

All of them, Kaede included, whenever she’s coherent enough to speak actual words, have been asking me to go through the Ultimate Stud training Hope’s Peak is looking into. I haven’t been too interested, to be honest; I’m fine as I am, and while sex is fun, and great exercise, my libido is more of an issue than anything else.

But, I can’t deny that I might have to. After destroying all the girls of Hope’s Peak, it wouldn’t do to not take responsibility, and train until I could actually satisfy them all, even as Kaede’s own training allows her to keep going for longer and longer.

Yeah, the more I think about it, the more I think it’s a good idea; I need to make sure I can both satisfy the Ultimate Bimbo and all the other Ultimate sluts that are begging for my cock.

And, well, Ultimate Stud is probably better than Ultimate Lucky Student, right? Can’t deny that the benefits are a lot better, at least."

[purplerose244]

Watched the first two episodes of LEGO DreamZzz: LOVED IT!!!

I just caught up with the latest season of Ninjago to prepare for the next era (Dragon Rising, ANYTHING IS BETTER IF YOU ADD MORE DRAGONS 😍), then I noticed this new LEGO show and I went for it. I watched the trailer some time ago and it genuinely didn’t click for me, the show didn’t seem all that...

MAN I WAS WRONG

FIRST TWO EPISODES AND I’M IN LOVE

I know the full season should be out on Netflix, which I have, but I’m following the release from the LEGO Youtube channel so I can pace myself... for, like, the first time in my life 😅

I like doing these thoughts diaries so I might do it for the following episodes as well. Obviously SPOILERS for people who didn’t watch it!

So... THOUGHTS ON "AWAKENING" AND "DREAM CHASERS" GO!

I know it’s a little thing but I’m a huge fan of Giles Panton, I followed him through all of Nexo Knights and his villain role in Ninjago, so even with a little role I’m ecstatic to hear him! 😍😍😍

Also this character is curious to me, who was he? Why did he appear specifically in Mateo and Izzy’s room?

Love the little conflictual situation, they’re middle school children so only fair to see a bit of that. It seems that Cooper got a new friend who’s a bit of a jerk, Mateo got defensive because of that, Logan clearly isn’t super used to have polite people around him, Cooper just wants everyone to get along... like, this seems like such a middle/high school situation, it makes me appreciate their age more 👌

Yes I'm a sucker for drama why do you ask

Hermanito? Is this a Latino family? I’ve been following so much of Ninjago I never considered seeing different cultures in LEGO works, this is genuinely super cool!

I keep seeing these breakfast burritos around, is this like California? I'm from Italy so I never had these for breakfast 😅

I want to try one though

VINCENT TONG’S CHARACTER! WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO HIM! ❤️ I loved Kai in Ninjago, I loved Jestro in Nexo Knights so you bet your LEGO claw hands I’m gonna love whatever new character mah boy Vince is voicing this time! GO GO GO!!!

Is Logan Asian? I’m seeing the eyes are differently shaped from the others, that’s really cool seeing these differences!

I don’t know if it’s obvious, but having an artist to be a creator of dreams? Love it love it love it

The fact that he's got a tablet too, I like that it feels close to this age

Izzy is a delight 💕💕 Like, such a bubbly personality, she watches anime, she is so optimistic and energetic, and she seems to watch Mateo’s back and that’s nice to see

Wait

WAIT

IS THAT THE ZANE ANIME MOMENT FROM NINJAGO?! Are you freaking kidding me this is amazing 😂😂😂

I LOVE Z-BLOB I LOVE Z-BLOB I LOVE Z-BLOB I LOVE Z-BLOB

Yep, saw Cooper inside the belly cage of the giant monster... which actually reminds me of Nexo Knights? Merlok inside of Monstrux' belly cage... in the virus season... the one that never came to be as the show ended early before that... DON'T CRY 😭

Next episode, saving Cooper?

DO NOT TEASE ME WITH AN ARCHER I HAVE A WEAKNESS FOR ARCHERS YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH I LOVED AARON IN NEXO KNIGHTS AND ZANE IN NINJAGO DURING HIS ARCHERY PHASE (granted it didn’t last long) 🤩🤩

I thought this girl was already part of the whole secret dream organization from the trailer, instead she’s a solo girl? Interesting, I'm guessing we'll get development

Also she’s totally the girl Mateo was checking out at the burrito stand, I don’t think it’s supposed to be a secret 😂😏

IZZY NARUTO RUNNING I’M DYING I LOVE HER SO MUCH 😂😂😂

IT’S A MECHA Z-BLOB!!!!!!!!!! 🤩

The resolution between Mateo and Cooper was so “awkward boys who don’t really like showing too many feelings as they're still a bit young” and honestly that has its own adorableness in it 💕

Aaaaaand Logan gets his reality check, I’m actually looking forward to how his character will develop through the series! LOVE ME BULLY DEVELOPMENT 😍

HEEEEEYYYY NINJAGO MURALE EVERYONE!!!! 🔥☄️❄️⚡️

Wait, the owner of that hourglass is a she? Lunia he said? I thought the last person to have it was a he since it was voiced by Giles, was Lunia the person before him or was it her but hiding her identity? ... was it Mateo and Izzy’s mother?

Yes I’m insufferable about missing parents troupes and yes I wondered about their mom the moment I only saw the dad

I WILL KEEP BEING INSUFFERABLE I AM NOT SORRY ABOUT IT

If you give me the sad mom is not with us anymore I will be happy, I’m sorry it takes me very little to be satisfied. I’m a girl that knows what kind of angst to order from the internet 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

...

Dude

DUDE

YOU’RE SERIOUSLY GIVING ME THE “MAIN CHARACTER IS WOUNDED AND NEEDS HELP WHILE EVERYONE IS SHOWING HIM WORRY AND CARE” TROUPE?!? I’M A FANWRITER I’M THIRSTY FOR THIS I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!!!! 🤯

Logan even opening the door while Cooper and Izzy brought Mateo in the car! IT’S THE LITTLE DETAILS YOU GUYS! I WILL REWATCH THIS SCENE A LOT!

Izzy keeps giving me reason to love her, look how much she loves her brother and wants to be sure he’s okay! 💕

Cooper also being a real bro, although he’s the one I know the least of aside from being Mateo’s friend. I’m looking forward to see what kind of person he is, I did see some kind of gun in the poster

LOGAN BROUGHT SOUP THAT IS SWEET! Am I getting a “gifts is my love language” from this boy? Because it’s super cute 💜

This whole show reminds me a lot of Nexo Knights, but with better animation and attention to details for the background and characters. It feels like going back home a bit in that sense, since I was absolutely obsessed with NK and this is very fantasy-like, but I’m genuinely curious to see where this show is heading to 🤩🤩

Heeeeeyyyy, Tommy is in this! He just left Ninjago so it’s so wholesome to me to see him between the executive producers! 🥳

I'M SO LOOKING FORWARD FOR MORE!

[delightful-to-be-read]

Cliffhanger - Jacqueline Wilson (6/95)

I can’t find my library card for where my parents live and my borough doesn’t have Libby so I’m currently reading these books using my Dad’s card. They have Cliffhanger and Buried Alive as ‘Biscuit Barrel’, so that’s where I’m heading for the next JW books I read as a kid. I was maybe nine when I read this, maybe eight.

I started with the Girls books because those were the ones I identified with. I generally didn’t identify with her characters as a child. But if there was ever a kid I didn’t identify with, it was Tim. I was eight when I went on my first adventure holiday without my parents. I would have begged my parents to go on this holiday - and also, if I hadn’t wanted to go, they certainly wouldn’t have made me. I didn’t like watching telly much, unless it was sport, because it was a whole lot too much sitting still - and when it came to cricket, even the fact that it was sport wasn’t enough to justify the sitting down time. I did have kiddy things, such as cuddlies, beyond the cool age (older than nine - nine shouldn’t be beyond the cool age for a teddy and isn’t in the book) and I was teased a bit for that on school trips, but not over the line. And I certainly loved reading.

The point is, I read a book with a boy who is rarely a protagonist in children’s books - even more rarely then - and understood that the children who discarded and mocked him were making unkind choices and that was not the person I wanted to be. Incidentally, I also understood that the fat-shaming was a thoughtless choice made by a boy I did not want to be like, while cool Jake always shut them right up.

I did also understand that the girl who was A Bit Much and very keen and excited and a bit annoying was basically not doing anything to hurt anyone. In the era of no girls being diagnosed with ADHD ever, this was nice.

I need to remember that Tim is nine, not thirteen as in the books I’ve read so far.

Tim is described as a ‘mummy’s boy’ and I hate that phrase to the ground, with or without the homophobic implications. It’s sexist and values all the wrong things. His Dad’s a bit of a bully and his mum is pretty stalwart in his defence, and this is his Dad’s way of undermining that. My brother is a pretty sensitive soul and super close to my mum but I can’t even begin to imagine my dad ever saying that, even as a joke now he’s in his thirties.

HOWEVER we torture kids through all the academic subjects at school. My personal experience is that with great care and time (and not torture), all children can become successful at them. Exercise, sport, PE, games, are not less important and children should be made to persevere with them - with great care and time (not torture) to support them to achieve.

Incidentally, I remember the first time I got The Fear was on an adventure holiday when I was thirteen and we were climbing. As I was going up the wall, I suddenly got a bit freaked that it was a bit high and I had to really force my legs to move. When I got down, K (who is there in all my memories forever) gave me a hug and said they could all see my legs shaking. The Fear has inconsistently turned up here and there since but I reckon if it had turned up four years earlier, I would have been more sympathetic towards Tim.

Buried Alive - Jacqueline Wilson (7/95)

Only kids, or kids with much older siblings, make fabulous mates because their parents will fork out to take a friend on holiday with them for the peace and quiet. My parents were saved this by having two close together who liked the same sort of thing, and managed to get rid of both of us at least a week each a year. Once or twice, they based our family holiday around wherever one of us was and picked us up from there to spend a week or two together. This is how Tim’s family end up taking Biscuits.

I love Biscuits. I don’t remember, but I reckon if my mum ever read this to me as a bedtime story, she loved Biscuits too.

More context to Tim’s family is added here. His mum and dad get on better than it seems in the first book. Tim’s dad is also affectionate and parents the best way he knows how but Tim is his mum’s little mate and she finds it difficult that he’s growing up and wants to have other mates that aren’t her. He’s also growing into having his own opinions and choosing his own friends which is satisfying to read from an adult point of view.

[fisherpiers]

Seems you have problems with Amity so how come you ain't a fan of her?

okay lemme take a deep breath and gather up my receipts. hope you’re ready for a whole fucking essay.

do i think her designs cute? yeah sure. she’s adorable. and marketable. easy to slap on disney social media posts during pride month.

do i like that her attraction to girls is treated as good and natural and not scary? yes. for the owl house’s message, and helping kids grow up without thinking they’re monsters, this is good.

okay now that i’ve pointed out the good, lemme tell you why i hate her.

and this got too long so here’s the shortened version. the reasons she most rubs me the wrong way. and it’s still too fucking long lol

1. first things first. she’s the hexsquad’s bully. she was horrible to willow and luz and she never really puts in the work to make up for this. well. she does for luz. not willow, however. her main victim.

AMITYS VERY FIRST APPEARANCE IS TREATING WILLOW LIKE SHIT AND DESTROYING HER CONFIDENCE. WITH NO PROVOCATION. okay? and then that episode ends with ames trying to get luz dissected.

it’s not even an “amity let bosha, her best friend that she replaced willow with, terrorize willow and thus is responsible as a bystander” situation. no, amity is shown personally going out of her way to be an asshole.

and then in that fucking library episode she says “i know what you are now, luz. you’re a bully!” like bitch?? excuse me? you were literally regular and cyber bullying luz and willow in the episode previous to it. literally she bullies them and then the very next episode calls luz a bully (for some shit her siblings were doing, not even luz)

and then she just assimilates herself back into the friend group, as if nothing happened. willow and gus tolerate it bc they’re not assholes. but the tension is there. on screen even.

like that whole hair braiding scene. wtf was that. amity braiding willows hair does not make up for years of her making willows life a living hell. willow frowns while it happens. and the whole reason amity even came to talk to willow in the first place was to talk about luz. she is only there bc she needs something. it was all about her relationship with luz, not willow.

i know i’ve said this many times before but i think willow should get to clock amity in the jaw. at least once.

and willow should’ve been fucking pissed when luz started getting romantically involved with amity. luz and willow should’ve had a fight about it.

they call back to the tension again in “thanks to them”. the scene in the museum. they feel the need to have to reassure the audience that things are fine between the kids, totally no tension at all. you know bc amity hasn’t actually apologized and they just sort of swept everything she did under the rug.

(another part of “thanks to them” when she tells hunter to go change his silly outfit. not an egregious sin but it’s still mean.)

“understanding willow” wasn’t enough. all amity does it throw out her little sob story excuse for first abandoning willow and then bullying her. probably only bc luz was there to make her feel bad about all of it. which is not a proper apology. WHICH LEADS ME TO MY NEXT POINT.

2. and here’s where it gets personal. amity’s sob story is that she has shitty parents. cool. me too. and i ain’t ever bullied anyone bc of it.

i’ve got literally the same parents. a manipulative control-freak mother and a father who just sorta lets her terrorize his children and make all the family’s decisions bc he’s too busy or scared of her to care. all the same pressure to do perfectly at school and weird fixation on my hair, even, and i’m just fine. my mother belittling me every time i breathed didn’t make me feel the need to make other kids’ lives miserable. get better coping mechanisms.

and i know the “amity doesn’t even try to fight it when her mother gets the hexsquad expelled in ‘escaping expulsion’” thing is a reason other people don’t like amity for, but no i understand this one. i would’ve been too afraid to cross my mother too. so she gets a pass on that ig

oh and mentioning that ep, bonus round. 3. that scene where she walks into her house and immediately throws her clothes on the floor for the butler to pick up pisses me off

sigh. it’s not that i think people can’t change, in fact i’d be perfectly fine with her if she actually made things right with willow. i just wish she would’ve. on-screen.

[idontplaytrack]

Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?

AJ Campos x chronically ill fem! reader

Warnings: coarse language, descriptions if chronic illness + symptoms, smut ending

Reader’s significant moments in life while being ill. And only having the one person who’s always been by her side.

I just wanted to write this after hearing that one part of song trending on Tiktok. Evidently triggered some memories I tried to push down🤐

July.

“Hey, you’re not in school, babe?”

“No, I’m not feeling too good.” You told her honestly.

“I’ll be by after school with your work and some things for you, okay?”

“Okay, thank you.” You told her, swallowing thickly when you felt another wave of pain hit you.

“See you later, babe. I love you.”

“Love you, too.” You answered, she hung up. You put your phone down and curled up into a fetal position in your bed where you stayed until she got here later that day. Well, you fell asleep, but there you still were. In that same place all day, practically.

Your Mom peeped into your room a few times but as always, like it’s been for the past month or so, she’s been checking in on you less and less. You don’t blame her, she’s done all she could. No matter what, you were still in pain.

You’d just walked out of the bathroom down the hall from your room when you heard AJ’s voice come from downstairs. You stood at the top of the stairs, waiting for her. You were happy to see her. Locking eyes with you, she smiles, picking up her pace.

When your constant hospital visits started to happen, she didn’t exactly question it, or your change in pretty much everything. She just went with the flow, quietly helping you in any way she could. The girl was observant, she doesn’t say much, but she knows a lot about what’s going on without being told explicitly. Like how, you’ve been to the hospital three times in the last month. Each time being sent home with no answers and same medication. Like how, after every hospital visit, the light in your eyes seems to dim more and more. Like how, it takes anyone more and more effort to make you smile. She knew you’d be faking at times, she knew you were going through a lot that she couldn’t exactly understand. A part of her wanted to know more but she knew you weren’t ready to share. Another part of her also knew you couldn’t tell her much— you didn’t know a whole lot about what was going on with you. Every day since four weeks ago, she wishes that you hadn’t gone to the clinic that morning. That’s how this whole situation started. The doctor discovers you had a lump in your stomach, and sends you to the emergency department that evening to get checked for what he thought was appendicitis. Spoiler alert, it was not appendicitis. It apparently also wasn’t anything.

That one supposedly straightforward visit to your regular doctor for a missed day at school due to an upset stomach was the very beginning of a terribly long fight. You didn’t want to share that much with her seeing that you had only started dating her three months ago, and yet, here she was with you, without any complaints while you were moody and ‘sick’.

~~~~~

“AJ?” You managed to say, “I can’t do it. Will you come pick me up?”

August. You nearly fainted at your summer job because of a sudden pain in your chest, freaking out your coworkers and shift leader. Which prompted them to send you home. They asked you to go see a doctor, but you didn’t want to. Of course. Why would you go back to those people who laughed at your pain?

“Sure, baby. I’m on my way, okay? Sit down, I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

Thankfully, you worked near home so it didn’t take long for her to come by. Once she saw you, however, she immediately had the same idea as your coworkers. “You are so pale.” She points out.

“They’re not gonna find anything.” You said flatly.

“Your chest hurts. And you nearly fainted, I’m not joking with you right now, y/n. This has to be checked out.”

“Would’ve been dead by now if it was anything that serious.” You sighed, looking out the window as she sped towards the nearest urgent care.

Because of your symptoms, you were prioritised. And were seen fairly quickly, but you were still pissed off because again, you were told there wasn’t anything they could do but let it improve on its own, with the help of that one kind of medication they seem to love giving you. Three hours, one x-ray, physical exam and EKG later. They say, “It’s just an inflammation of the cartilage of your ribs. It’s self-limiting and should go away within a week or two. Just try not to do too much of what triggers the pain for you.”

You bite back a scoff. ‘Great, now I can’t go to work too?’

AJ sensed that you were upset so she didn’t talk to you for the ride home. Your mom sees you walking in with a bag of the meds and stops you to ask what happened, you didn’t want to talk, because you knew you’d lose it and start screaming so you handed her the bag which also contained a memo from the doctor so she could read it for herself.

“Oh.” You heard her say while walking upstairs. That was it, nothing more. She didn’t say anything else. Nothing. You hear footsteps behind you: AJ’s. You knew. “AJ, go home.” You told her as calmly as you could.

She doesn’t say anything to you but continued to follow you to your room. “Change your clothes.” She hands you a baggy t-shirt and your favourite pair of shorts. You changed out of your current outfit without resistance, simply doing so in silence. Next, you climbed under the covers and closed your eyes…trying to ignore the lingering ache and not-so-occasional waves of pain in your ribs. While you tried to drift off, AJ stays awake for a little longer, going on the internet to find out more about this diagnosis of an inflammation of one’s ribcage cartilage.

AJ couldn’t find out too much more of what she hasn’t already been told, but she did read that some people find that heat or ice helps. So she kept that in mind to have you try out the next day. Which you appreciated, but didn’t exactly show it. The lack of sleep made you terribly irritable. Still, she made sure you at least tried using the heat pack. It gave you some relief allowed you to get a couple hours of good sleep. AJ’s comforting back rubs similarly lulled you to sleep, but you made sure to ask for cuddles for when you woke up.

“Sure, baby.” She smiles, stroking your hair while you laid on her, heat pack on your back, currently kept in place by AJ’s hand.

~~~~~

August came and went without too much trouble apart from the ribcage pain flaring up two weeks after it died down the first time. September was oddly calm for you, but nothing prepared you for the atrocity that was October. Hours of waiting in the ER for test results, waiting for a proper bed but ending up sleeping in the ward corridor for the entirety of your stay. Having to leave the hospital one morning to take an exam, then go back to the hospital to be readmitted so you could wait for more test results. Which were inaccurate. Until you came back in a second time after getting discharged just a week prior. “You’re saying, your previous hospital did not keep track of the growth?”

“They said it wasn’t necessary.”

“And why?” Your new doctor was baffled.

“Because they ruled me crazy and every doctor since then saw that in my file and decided I was. And that I was there to avoid my life and responsibilities.”

“The ‘lump’ is the size of an egg, y/n.”

“Well, what could I do? My parents chose to listen to those doctors instead of me. I would too, because it is crazy, everything that I’ve had to put up with.”

“We need to get a biopsy done as soon as possible to determine whether it’s malignant or not.” Your doctor says.

“Okay?” You sighed, “Tell my parents that. They will be thrilled to have to spend more money on me.”

The panic didn’t set in until you were in bed for the night, at AJ’s. You somehow just needed her with you, and it didn’t click in your head why. You told her everything that night. Everything. Through tears and all, but she listened attentively, eyes never even leaving you for a second. Once you stopped talking, she took you into her arms and just held you until you stopped crying, rubbing your back comfortingly.

“You will always have me by your side. Okay? Always.” She says softly, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

You sniffled, “I’m sorry. That was a lot.”

“You never have to deal with that alone, y/n. I’m here. I’m your girlfriend. I’ll always be here for you. I promise.”

Her declaration only made you cry like a baby, practically inconsolable. “You’ll be okay.” She whispers, “Hm? I’ll make sure of it.”

Words were just…words. Nice to hear, but realistically, what could she do? She was your age. She’d just be a companion, be there for moral support. You didn’t think it was fair to put her through this hell of yours, you were ready for her to dump you. But she did the opposite of what you were expecting. That night, you were simply emotionally exhausted and just crashed, almost immediately falling asleep in the safety and comfort of her arms. You couldn’t even resist it and tell her no, that it wasn’t supposed to be like this. That you shouldn’t be her burden as well.

~~~~~

Your parents left to go on a business trip two days after your biopsy. Which, the doctor said it was perfectly fine because it wasn’t a major procedure, per se, it sucked not having anyone around just in case. It was now the end of October, weather was getting chilly and you were anticipating another flare up of your pain in the ribs. You hadn’t talked to AJ since the morning of the biopsy and you didn’t plan to any time soon. You just didn’t want to. You didn’t feel like dragging her on further in the mess of a life you now had. She hasn’t texted you since two nights ago, anyway.

You were suddenly pulled out of your thoughts when you heard a string of knocks on your front door. Lazily getting up to go open it after vaguely seeing a familiar face in the peephole, AJ walks in. “How are you feeling?”

“Like shit.” You told her with a straight face, “I’m in pain all over somehow and bloated from all the gas they had to pump into me to separate my bowels from the location of the tumor. So I’m nauseous. But hey, you don’t need to know that. You shouldn’t need to know that.” You went off on a tangent about how she shouldn’t be caring so much because you couldn’t give her much, how she should just go live her life instead of spending so much time with you moping around.

“y/n, you are so—”

“I’ve heard it all already, you don’t have to tell me again: ‘whiny, weak, disgusting, lazy, stupid, crazy’. Take your pick, AJ.”

“What?” She stops you, holding onto your wrist, you flinch because of a bruise left by failed IV plug setting attempts.

“I don’t need love. What I need is a fucking break from this fucking life that’s turned into some sort of survival game.” You scoffed, “Let go of my wrist.”

She immediately loosens her grip, watching you with eyes filled with pure concern and heartache.

“I have been poked and prodded probably hundreds of times in my week in the hospital. Most I’ve ever had been in my entire life, I’ve never felt more worthless because of how much of my dignity I’ve thrown out of the window. I cried to my nurse, my mom found it hilarious. I was in pain, trying to sleep when some other patient started spewing their guts so I got a panic attack. My mom scolded me for it, she didn’t want to be there. She wanted to be at home. I’ve never spent so much time away from home, my family. People who were supposed to care about me. They left me there alone, the first chance they could. No one texted me to check on me, I felt like I was just abandoned there. Then you come in here and do everything the opposite— I don’t know how— to take it. I can’t— I can’t do this to you, AJ. You deserve better than this.”

She started to cry the more you revealed to her, absolutely heartbroken and horrified by nearly every word you said. Still, she tenderly held your face in her hand, swiping your tears away. “I love you. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t, I wouldn’t have been anywhere with you if I didn’t.”

You shook your head, swallowing that painful lump in your throat, backing away from her.

“Listen to me and remember what I’m telling you.” She stepped forward, looking at your hands then taking ahold of them, “I love you. I don’t care what the fuck life throws at you, I will be here for you. I can’t take your pain away but I will do whatever I can to make your day better. If you need anything, if you need me there, call me. Text me, show up at my door. I don’t care. You are not alone. You are not going through all of this alone. I care. I fucking love you, y/n. Don’t give up.”

The rest of that day was a complete blur. You cried until you couldn’t and probably passed out. In her arms, yet again. When you woke up again, the sun was about to set. “Hi.” She greets you with a smile. “Hi.” You mumbled.

“What’s the matter? Do you feel sick?” Instantly, she picks up on it, rushing to your side.

“A bit. I don’t know why—”

“It’s okay.” She rubs your back, leading you to the couch, kicking the plastic trash can to your feet in the process.

“I don’t want to.” You sniffled.

“I’ll be right here, baby.” She says softly, still rubbing your back, “I got you, you’re okay.”

The sickening feeling kept building up, and it eventually gets to the point where you could no longer fight it. Bending over, you spilled what little you had in your stomach into the bin. Tears pricked at your eyes and fell against your will, your arm splints your sore procedure sites and stomach. AJ was not the least bit fazed, continuing to rub your back and tell you that you were fine. You got that bin out of your sight as soon as you felt okay enough to not need it anymore, then, she was beside you again. “Do you think you can stomach some water?”

You shrug, curling up in a corner of the couch and staring into blank space. “Popsicle?”

“Okay.” You exhaled, “I’ll…I’ll try.”

She got you comfortable in her embrace, flipping through TV channels for you to get your mind off things. You wanted nothing but her, being in her arms was the best feeling you could ever have.

~~~~

Over the next year, you suffered from two recurrences of the tumor, or disease— used interchangeably by your doctors. And so you and AJ have become incredibly familiar with the processes. Pre, during and post-procedure. You detested the familiarity, you’ve had enough. You were numb at this point, but now had a fear of hospitals and having to be admitted. Some days, you questioned it all. But AJ was there to make sure you were okay. You also made sure she was okay on days where you were feeling better. You were surprise to have made it past a year with AJ, but you were feeling so immensely grateful for that girl. She was your rock through it all…someone that was once a stranger, was now the single most important person in your life. Your parents were there, but only because they had to be there, because they had to sign the papers, to pay for the appointments and procedures. They may ask how you were, but you could tell they weren’t willing. And you got that, you would be sick and tired of that too. You couldn’t blame them, but you were hurt.

This day marked your second clear MRI scan, no sign of recurrence. You were the happiest you’d been in awhile, once home, you immediately attacked her with a kiss which turned into a heated makeout session. Then, more.

“Are you sure?” She asks, palm resting on your stomach.

“Yeah.” You confirmed, “I want this.”

“Okay.” She agrees. “Sit up, and lean against the headboard okay? I don’t want to hurt you by straddling you.”

You do as she tells you to, and she starts to pepper kisses all over your body. Every single inch of it, slow and gentle and so, so loving. AJ was practically worshipping your body, it made your head giddy with pleasure soon enough. Smoothly, she slide of your shorts and underwear, then your shirt. It was clear she wanted to do more, and she did. “You okay?”

“Yep.” Your breathing hitches when she starts to suck at a certain spot on your neck. She picks up on that and keeps working that spot over.

You exhaled harshly, “Fuck.”

“Is that good, baby?”

You nodded, throwing your head back more to allow her easier access. Her hand makes its way to your chest, pushing your bra down on one side, she decided to give your tit a squeeze. You yelped, chuckling eventually. She grins, pinching your nipple and easily drawing out a soft moan which she quickly swallows with a kiss, “That’s it, baby. Let me hear you.”

Fuck.

The wetness between your thighs becomes so noticeable, it made you terribly shy. So much so that when her hand finally makes its way down south, your cheeks were flushed with a deep red hue. AJ laughs, “Aw.” Her middle finger teases your folds as she speaks, making you whimper, rutting your hips against her hand needily. “Let me do the work, baby…” She purrs, “You just sit there and make those pretty, pretty noises for me? How about that?”

With that being said, her hand leaves that area between your legs. And she presses a trail of wet, passionate kisses to your torso. Knowing that your scars were all in plain sight to her made you feel a little…ugh. But then again, she was driving you nuts cooing and complimenting everything about you. No one’s ever made you feel so wanted. “Hey.” She says quietly, “Look at me, baby.”

“No.” She licked your lips, looking up at the ceiling while she was on her stomach, face comfortably between your legs.

“Look at me, honey.” She repeated, “I get that it’s hard, so I don’t want you to feel like you have to finish. Or do anything more than this. I can stop. Alright?” Her hands caresses your inner thigh, you feel that warmth. You’d sobered up a little, but enough to fight the desire for her to make you climax. For the very first time. You locked eyes with her, she looks at you, patiently waiting for an answer. “Keep going.”

“Yeah?” She asks, hand squeezing your thigh lightly. You simply give her a nod, she instantly starts to work you up again, then you soon feel her fingers teasing your entrance. She pushes one in smoothly, hooking it upward to hit your sensitive spot inside. You whine softly, she keeps doing it and you got louder. Once you felt ready, in came her second finger without a hitch.

“Just…just like that.” You moaned, “Oh, God, AJ—”

“Keep going, baby. Sounds like music to my ears.” She says lowly. Oh, shit. That really made you feel something.

With her fingers steadily pumping in and out of you, and her thumb hitting your clit and just the right amount of pressure. You were closer then ever to that climax, feeling that fluttering in your core.

“I— oh, my God— oh— so good, fuck.” Your hips start to lift up, and she pulls her fingers out. You objected with a whine. But not for long, because holy shit, she puts her mouth on you. You saw it, you felt it. But you couldn’t exactly believe it. It felt like you had ascended into an entirely different dimension. How gentle she was. The warmth, the closeness. Her gaze locked in with yours. You were going feral, and becoming like putty beneath her without much effort. Your mind was emptied, and filled with nothing but the need to come. The need to feel more of her.

You twitched in her mouth, feeling yourself clenching around her fingers. She groans at the abrupt tightness but then grins, picking up her pace just enough to chase your high. Your knuckles turn white from gripping the sheets, breathing slowly getting heavier by the second as you approached the edge. You feel the coil tightening quicker and quicker, until you just had to let it go. “AJ, I’m gonna—” You couldn’t even finish your sentence, toes curling as you unraveled, “Shit—”

She begins slowing down gradually to let you ride out every last wave of it, eventually caressing your inner thighs and peppering kisses all over them before working her way up to your lips while wiping her mouth off with the back of her hand. “That was intense.” You laughed deliriously.

“I know.” She cracked a smile, “Do you feel alright?”

“Mm, yeah.” You hummed, kissing her again. She cups your cheek, smooching you again too. “That was amazing.”

She grins, “You were pretty fucking amazing.” You blushed, she said, “Oh, look at that.”

You chuckled in response, she slowly eased you onto the mattress properly so that she could cuddle with you. “I told you. You’ll be okay.” AJ says, “And you are. No matter what, I’m always here.”

“I don’t say this enough and I’m so sorry.” You snuggled closer to her, “Thank you. For everything you’ve done for me, for every minute you’ve chosen to spend with me. You mean the world to me and I can never thank you enough. I love you so much.”

“I know you do, baby. I know. Don’t be sorry about things you can’t control. I know you love me, you may now tell me that but you show it one way or another: making sure I don’t sleep through my alarms even on days where you’re not feeling your best, making me a drink, my favourite meal, running me a bath…just about anything you do means so much because I know how much effort and energy it takes you to do them, but you still do them. You still wake up, most days by my side, living another day. You are so strong, my love.”

“Fuck.” You laughed but end up in tears, “I love you, AJ. I love you so fucking much.”

“I love you more, honey.”

🏷️ Tag list:

@ashecampos @auliisflower @cheesysoup-arlo @frogs00 @ludoesartnstuffs @pda128

💭 A/N: I wasn’t sure if I wanted to post this fic because of how personal (and traumatic) some details are. It started off as a draft for me to vent, but I simplified most of it and decided to share it after all. Hope it wasn’t too much🤧 ok g’night, I’ve got work tomorrow afternoon and it’s past midnight🤡

[lottiecrabie]

Let's discuss families 🙏🏻

On Matty's side, his parents would love girlie cus she's really nice, my girl is educated, obvs has good grades in school and most important brings the best of his emo teen and she loves him. I'd like to think that Matty has a decent to good relationship with his parents, I feel like he'd ask for advice if he feels like something it's not going well in his relationship with girlie

On girlie's side, that household feels like living hell, no wonder why girlie has mommy issues😭 I feel like she's close to his father, maybe she has enough trust to talk to her dad about certain things, like relationships at her age and she has a little interest outside of church an blabla, maybe it's a secret between both. I feel like he's more chill than his wife. On the other side, her mom freaks out easily and has zero chill, she'd be like 'i just want the best to my girl, that's why I'm very strict w/her's but this restrictions only work to turn your kid into 'the black sheep' of the family. She'd have a heart attack if my girl is dating someone outside of church (Matty) and would take her to the confessionary every week😭

This little rant was linger than I expected 😫

i think matty has a decent relationship with his family that is a bit more strained rn as he’s deep in his teen angst. it’s pretty normal for teenagers to distance themselves from their family and go through the whole no one understands me😫😫 phase and, on top of that, i think he’d resent being moved to the us, meaning he’s not on the best terms with them at the very moment. although, there is genuine love between them and he knows they’re there for him if he needs it.

i don’t think he would talk to them much about his personal life. when reader and him officially start dating, she would make sure to present herself officially to his parents (and not just be the girl that’s sneaking out of his room in the early morning😭) and that’s the only reason they know he’s seeing someone. they would 100% love her bc she’s, as you said, sort of this ‘perfect’ good girl they Never expected matty to go for, but also because she mellows out his most intense personality traits, mainly his ‘fuck everyone nothing matters’ teen angst. and she genuinely seems to make him happy. his parents would Love telling all sorts of embarrassing stories about him to her.

on her side, it’s obviously completely different. i’ve made it pretty clear that she has mommy issues as her mother is a very domineering, controlling woman. she’s a nagger who’s obsessed with apparences and constantly nitpicks at reader’s every doing. i think her dad is just as strict but in much more quiet, sober way. he’s very much an enabler. i tried to mimic the stereotypical family dynamics were the dad is barely involved and only comes in to have the last word, generally agreeing with whatever the wife said. ofc, it’s hard to show family dynamics when most of the fic is straight porn so i’m very aware it doesn’t much show! the one moment i managed to sneak in is when the mother says she doesn’t where reader’s dirtiness came from and he basically just answers ‘not me!’ (it’s interesting to me to learn how you see her father bc while writing pfms3 i was like…. damn did i make him too nice.. i really didn’t want to blame all the family issues on her mother)

anyway they would obviously pop a blood vessel and faint when they find out she’s dating matty. like he’s Everything they’re against and don’t want for her. it would create many many fights inside the house (obviously always keeping this smiling, mindlessly happy front outside). just screaming at her to break up, that he’s no good, that they’re Not allowing her to date, that she’s grounded, that they’re immensely disappointed in her, that it’s not the little girl they raised, etc etc. they would rly try to break them up and get even More appalled when, bc of their even stricter rules, reader starts sneaking around and doing more forbidden things (ie. drinking, smoking, partying, etc.) i see reader as absolutely Not backing down, even going as far as refusing to go to church if they don’t stop threatening her. it’s an extremely messy, imploding family affair. you know the whoooole town is whispering about it behind their back

i think the conflict would get resolved by her straight up just moving out for college. they can’t control her from a distance and the longer matty sticks around, the more they’re forced to accept he will just Be There and he’s a permanent fixture. they slowly chill even though they Never fully warm up to him and always have some clear disdain, no matter how long they’ve been together or how successful he is. they know how to hold a grudge!

[50cal-fullauto-astarion]

For the OC ask game 💖

10, 14 and 17 with Rivka

2, 9 and 25 with Stallard

KEZ MY BELOVED THANK YOU FOR INDULGING ME 🥰🥰💖💖

Rivka:

10. What’s an AU that would be interesting to explore with your OC?

FALLOUT AU. FALLOUT AU. FALLOUT AU. Oh good lord, any of them, really. Fallout 3? Sour unpleasant child raised in a vault with no memory of her parents, her grandmother is the vault’s Overseer, and she busts out of her own accord after she’s assigned to be the admin path to become the next Overseer. Selfishly wreaks havoc across the Capital Wasteland, picks up a dogmatically loyal Ghoul bodyguard (König, ofc), falls instantly in love with one another, and decide to fuck over the BoS who took over her parents’ work on the water purifier for their own gain.

Writing this I’m realizing I could have this au carry her through all three games hehe. New Vegas: made it across the country with their ill gotten gains, picks up courier work, ends up shot, buried, and separated from König, and the game is them both brutally tearing apart the Wasteland to get back to one another. When they reunite, it’s a whole thing. Riv has gone more than half ghoul-y bc of all the unchecked radiation in the area, and just when she thinks König will see what’s become of her and decide no, he surprises her. He’s elated—they can be together forever now. And they bring the libertarian Wunderkind Robert House back to power, with the sole intention of returning someday and violently overthrowing him to rule Vegas themselves. The only reason they don’t do that immediately is bc—

Fallout 4: the Brotherhood of Steel is back in business in Boston, Massachusetts, and there is something rotten in the state of Denmark when it comes to Synths. There’s some dickhead Sole Survivor running amok with the do-gooder Minutemen faction, Stallard something, running around with her own rotten asshole that goes by the name of Ghost, so spooky. But they aren’t doing shit-all about the Brotherhood, so Riv oh so kindly inserts herself in the situation and makes sure it goes the fuck down in flames—literally.

Then, upon returning to New Vegas, she takes her place as the leader of the independent city, improving where others had failed miserably, and protecting her claim like the cold blooded warlord she is, providing König an ultimate life of luxury. 🥰

14. How does your OC want to be seen by other characters?

Ohhh this is an interesting question, because Riv doesn’t really take the perception of other people into account. She has solely lived in her own world since her parents were killed, and the only person who has ever gotten close enough to be welcomed in is König. He’s the only one that matters. For him, she wants to be a safe haven, and a soft place to crash. She wants him to look at her and know that as long as she’s alive, he’s got a home, and that he’s protected.

The world at large? Again, she doesn’t pay it any mind, but if pressed, she needs people to understand that she is capable and she is not fucking around. She is not casual, she will commit to the bit and return Someone being funny with her being hilarious.

17. What is the worst thing you have put your OC through story-wise?

DFHHDG I’m a very mean creator and it’s still her parents being killed. She came home from Hebrew School to an open door and a house that reeked of blood, listening to two thugs comfort one another over their brutality, and seeing her father’s severed feet—still in black alligator skin Chelsea boots—sitting six feet away from his legs poking out around the side of the stairs. She was struck in the back of the head by one of the thugs, who further freaked out, and was beckoned by her mother to come over where she lay dying in the sitting room.

Teàrlag Zabludowicz had gotten her face bashed in by the same weapon that caved in the back of Rivka’s skull, and with her last breaths she pulled her daughter’s body under her own to hide her. Her jaw was so destroyed that her tongue lapped at Rivka’s cheek when she tried to speak comfort, and she bled into Rivka’s mouth and eyes. Rivka can still feel her mother’s tongue against her skin when she’s stressed.

Stallard:

2. What’s something about your OC that people wouldn’t expect just from looking at them?

Her favorite author is Jeanette Winterson, and she’s read Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit and Lighthousekeeping to Simon and for herself more times than she can count. She loves to sing, even if her voice is shit, and she misses her mother, even though she’s still alive. She misses her twins more than she’s ever loved her little half-sisters, but obligation would’ve had her kill herself before admitting that for decades on end. She still feels like a little girl and wishes she didn’t feel as constantly, back-breakingly lost as she always has. She’s a little old fashioned and would like to be treated like a lady more than she is. She’s dreamt of Simon so many times that she swears he’s visiting her in her sleep. At one point in her life, her greatest wish was only to marry him.

9. Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC?

OH BOY DO I.

The entirety of Gold Dust Woman by Fleetwood Mac is a song for Stallard, and here’s a pull from the lyrics!

As well as Marie Douceur, Marie Colère - specifically the cover by Manon Hollander. Verses in English:

25. What is your favorite thing about your OC?

Ohhh ;;;;++++++;;;; VERY good question. I love a lot of things about Stallard—how she endures, how she holds her soft vulnerabilities to her chest. But I think my favorite thing about her is that despite the fact that her rage has burned down to dead cinders over the years, after what feels like lifetimes of abuse, after the fatigue has settled in so heavily that it could kill her, she nurses a bead of compassion and kindness and patience that she could very easily let drop and die to give way completely to apathy and misanthropy.

But that’s anathema to her nature, it’s unthinkable to her to the point it literally never crosses her mind as an option. She’s got a motherly streak at her core in a most basic sense, and she cares deeply about people that fall under her purview as if they were her own, despite the fact she’ll never have children of her own, nor does she want any. But she wouldn’t be herself without it.

[katiesharms]

you want everything live (you want things you can touch)

fandom: top gun maverick pairing: phoenix/halo rating: G wc: 2.2K

a/n: i wrote this in an hour on my phone so ignore any typos or awkward wording please and thanks. read on ao3!

Natasha is 15 when she meets the boy she will marry.

She chooses him the same way she chooses her lunch every day, with a brusque evaluation of the options and a logical determination of the best one. According to her friends, Andrew is the only cute boy in their grade with any kind of brain. So when he asks her out after third period Honors Chemistry, she agrees.

She doesn’t decide she’s going to marry him until after their third date. By then, she knows he’s nice and funny, respectful of her enough to ask to kiss her and stop when she wants to. He’s Catholic, so her mom will approve, and planning to go to Stanford, so her dad will as well. They make sense together; both are similarly ambitious with compatible life plans.

Natasha doesn’t tell Andrew all of this, of course. She knows enough about teenage boys to know they tend to freak out about mentions of marriage and the rest of their lives. But internally she accepts it. She’s happy, to have found the man she’s meant to spend the rest of her life with so early on. Her parents didn’t find one another until they were 30, but Natasha got the nasty business out of the way quickly. No stumbling through her early 20s making terrible decisions; she’s figured out this aspect of her future.

They’re steadily together through the rest of high school, even winning prom king and queen. Andrew’s by her side through the entire application to the Academy and she returns the favor for his to Stanford. They get their acceptance letters on the same weekend.

That Sunday, as they’re staring at the sheets of paper that represent their dream, Andrew decides to derail her entire life plan.

“I think we should break up.”

“What? Why?” Natasha’s primary emotion is confusion, but she’s sure, if she digs deep enough, there’s some hurt.

“Nat, we’ll be on other sides of the country from each other. And then you’ll be in the Navy, and I’ll be going to med school. We won’t be able to be together until we’re 30.”

So? Natasha wants to ask. She doesn’t really see a problem with that. That’s the whole point of this plan - to find the person she’ll be with when she’s 30 instead of stumbling through her 20s without a clue.

“If we’re getting married, does it matter that we won’t see each other until we’re 30?”

Andrew lets out a disbelieving laugh. “What are you talking about? We’re in high school.”

“So?” she does say this time. “We’re extremely compatible. Do you really think it’ll get better than this?” Because she can’t see how it will, how she’ll find another mind as smart and understanding as Andrew, who respects her at every turn.

“Nat, we’re 18. It’s definitely gonna get better than this. Do you really think I’m the person you want to spend your life with?”

“C’mon Andrew, you’re great.”

“And so are you. But we’re 18,” he repeats, emphasizing the point. “Can you really say that you want to live the rest of our lives like this?”

“What does that mean?” she asks, defensive.

“I like being with you, hanging out with you. But I don’t think we have the kind of love built to last. Can you honestly say you love me?”

Natasha opens her mouth to dispute it, but finds she can’t. It feels stupid; they’ve been dating for three years. She should know what love feels like; she should be able to feel it for him. When she doesn’t answer, Andrew gives her an understanding look.

“I think there’s some things we both need to learn about ourselves. But if you’re 30 and still want to get married, give me a call.” He shoots her one of his easy smiles. “Maybe we’ll still be compatible.

-

Natasha is 19 when she meets the woman she will marry.

She doesn’t know it at the time; she won’t know it for another better part of the decade. But sophomore year of the Academy, she’s bunked next to Callie Shen.

Callie is whip-smart and confident, but she’s not a show-off. She’s a quiet achiever, always top of their class but never bragging about it.

They fall into an easy friendship with no obligations to each other. They do their homework together in the student lounge, walk to class at the same time, and sometimes, if there’s a movie Natasha wants to see, she’ll ask Callie to go with her.

They’re not really friends; Natasha has a feeling once they graduate, they won’t keep up with each other. Something about Callie leaves Natasha on edge around her, unable to relax the way she usually does and slip into a genuine friendship. Natasha feels nervous around her, intimidated by her easy-going nature and natural charisma. Callie can captivate any room she’s in, but she has the social awareness to know when to do so. She’s just as comfortable fading into the background as she is taking control. Natasha admires it, envies it. She’s never been able to sit back. Throughout high school, it appeared on her report cards: smart, but domineering, unable to cede space to others. Callie does it easily, without a hint of bitterness.

So, even though they’re friends, they never talk about anything too real. Natasha itches to peel back the layers of Callie Shen and discover who she really is. But she’s too apprehensive about doing the same, worried about showing something to Callie that’s too raw, too real.

One night in the library, cramming for their Physics final, Callie mentions off-hand the classes she’ll have to take next semester to prep for the aviation track.

It’s the first time Nat ever gets a glimpse into what Callie truly wants, and it shocks her that it’s the same thing Natasha wants.

“You’re aiming for the aviation track, too?” Natasha asks. She can’t tell if the nervous feeling in her stomach is from excitement or worry about spending her career with Callie.

“Yup,” Callie answers, smiling as she thinks about it. “I can’t wait.”

“So you want to be a pilot?” Everyone wants to be a pilot, Natasha included. She can’t think of anything more exciting than the prospect of flying.

“Nah, I’m gonna be a WSO,” Callie answers casually like it makes sense.

Natasha furrows her brow. “Why do you want to be a wizzo?” For the life of her, she can’t comprehend why anyone would want to be a backseater when they could be a pilot.

“Someone’s gotta look out for you hotshots out there. Make you all look good.” Callie winks, that quiet confidence on display.

Absently, Natasha thinks she wouldn’t mind having Callie as her backseater.

-

Natasha is 23 when she meets her best friend.

Bradley Bradshaw (and what a fucking name that is) is warm and jovial, the life of any party he walks into, and unbelievable kind, if a bit spacey. He’s four years older than the next oldest of their flight training cohort, and Natasha has a feeling that relates to the undercurrent of bitterness that sometimes runs through Bradley.

She and Bradley are instant friends, attached at the hip through training. They push each other and support each other, understand one another with an intuitiveness that Natasha has never encountered before. Sure, Bradley isn’t the most forthcoming, but he’s funny and kind and handsome enough if she ignores his pathetic excuse for a mustache.

So she makes another logical decision. Bradley has a life that fits with hers, similar career goals, and an understanding of what it takes to achieve them. Because that’s where it went wrong with Andrew, right? It make sense to ask him, one night when they’re in his bunk going over flight details, to go out with her.

Bradley laughs in her face.

“What the fuck?” she asks, cheeks heating with embarrassment.

“Nat, you can’t be serious,” he insists. “I’m gay. Aren’t you?”

“What? No!” She feels something like fear shoot through her, but she tamps it down. “I’m not gay,” she says because she isn’t. “I had a boyfriend,” she insists, because she did.

Bradley’s face shifts from amusement to something like deep sympathy. “Right, right,” he agrees, though Nat feels he’s just placating her. “Sorry, I guess I just assumed.”

“Why?” she asks, hot with an emotion she can’t quite understand.

Bradley runs a hand through his hair. “It’s just you never flirt back with any of the guys; I don’t even think you know they’re flirting. And besides your high school boyfriend, whom you barely talk about and never with that much fondness, you don’t seem to have any men in your past. I guess I just assumed you were keeping on the down low.”

“I’m not gay,” she repeats, tone on the edge of frantic. It does nothing to change Bradley’s expression.

“Are you sure?” he asks because he has the subtly of a sledgehammer and no tact. “Just maybe, I dunno, think about it. I’m here if you ever want to talk.”

She does think about it, off and on over the next few years. Bradley was right in that she’s never been interested in boys, certainly not in the way her friends always were. But that doesn’t mean she’s gay, that she’s a lesbian. There’s never been a girl who piques her interest in that way. Well, she supposes there was Hayley in her in-take class and Jennifer in freshman year bio. Mia Hamm when she was young, and Sarah Michelle Geller during her Buffy phase. And Callie.

But Natasha, now Phoenix, doesn’t have time to figure out her sexuality. Not when she’s one of the few female fighter pilots in the Navy, trying to make a name for herself.

-

Natasha is 27 when she re-meets Callie Shen, now Callie Bassett.

Training for a suicide mission is not the ideal time to ask her about the name change, but Natasha can’t help it, not when the dim lighting in the corner of the Hard Deck makes Callie look 19 again, makes Natasha feel 19 again.

“Ah,” Callie says wryly, “I got married. Took her last name.”

Natasha doesn’t miss the use of ‘her’ nor the way her stomach swoops as she learns Callie is married.

“Oh,” she answers dumbly. Just like back in the Academy, Callie has a way of reducing Natasha to monosyllables.

“It only lasted eight months,” Callie continues. “spent more time getting divorced than we ever did married. Navy just hasn’t gotten around to changing my name back.”

“So I can still call you Lieutenant Shen?” Natasha can't help but tease.

“You can call me whatever you want.”

The way Callie looks at her reminds her of the time the two of them went out to a bar with the rest of their in-take group back in Pensacola.

It had been oppressively hot and muggy; Natasha’s black t-shirt was stuck to her skin unpleasantly, and her thighs stuck to every surface she sat on. But in the dark club they had found themselves at, Natasha could forget it all as she danced. She and Callie ended up dancing together, pressed up to one another. Natasha threw her arms over Callie’s shoulders, and Callie wrapped one arm around Natasha’s waist, pulling her in. They moved perfectly in sync, and Natasha couldn’t think about anything except the way Callie was looking at her. Not the heat, not the press of other people’s bodies, not the G-force training they had the next day. All she could think about was how Callie looked like she was going to kiss her. Natasha didn’t know what to do with it then.

She knows what to do with it now.

Two weeks later, after they land on the carrier and everyone is miraculously alive, she thinks of Callie.

Natasha waits a few days, waits until they’re on dry land, and the celebrations and adrenaline have died down. She doesn’t want to rush it, not like she used to. Trying to plan for the future hasn’t always worked out well.

After their debrief with Cyclone, Natasha stops Callie in the hallway, waiting for the guys to clear out.

“I was wondering,” she starts and realizes she sounds breathless. Natasha squares her shoulders and takes in a breath to steady herself. “Would you like to go out for coffee sometime?”

Callie smiles, and Natasha’s breath shutters. “Is this a date, Trace?”

“Only if you call me Natasha.”

Her grin widens. “Okay, Natasha. Let’s get some coffee.”

-

Natasha is 30 when she gets engaged.

Callie is the one who asks, in the middle of their kitchen, while trying to teach Natasha how to make beggar’s chicken. Her hands are covered in clay as she covers the wrapped chicken, giggling at the absurdity of it all, when she turns to grab some more and sees Callie down on one knee.

Natasha brings her hands up to her face on instinct, forgetting what she was just doing and smearing clay along her cheeks. Callie laughs fondly at the sight.

“Yes,” she says before Callie can even ask.

It’s not even a question. Yes, they make logical sense, but Callie also makes Natasha the happiest she’s ever been. If this can be the rest of her life, then she’s excited, thrilled. When Callie slips the ring over Natasha’s finger, she thinks briefly of Andrew. She’ll have to call him just to tell him he was right.