#if I could live one day from my life over again it would be when we all went to see RotS

[5sospenguinqueen]

Terrible Two | Max Verstappen x Hamilton! Reader

Summary: Lewis hates the idea of Max dating his sister. Not because he's overprotective but because he’s trying to save the younger driver from the insanity of his sister. Or the one where Y/N terrorises the Grid OFF the track and Max terrorises them ON the track.

Warnings: Swearing. Fluff. Not 2021.

Female reader with various faceclaims. Pics found on Pinterest.

Requested by @shelbyteller

Main Masterlist

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YourUserName just posted

liked by maxverstappen1, georgerussell63 and others

YourUserName race day with my favourite hamilton (oh, and lewis was there too, i guess) 💚 tagged: roscoelovescoco, lewishamilton

9,457 comments

User 1 i live for the hamilton sibling shade

lewishamilton i miss how peaceful my life was before you were born

→ YourUserName i miss how peaceful my life was before i was born too

→ User2 oof, felt that

roscoelovescoco loves you aunty y/n

→ YourUserName and i love you my sweet boy. i’m already planning my next attempt to kidnap you

→ User3 i love that she wastes no time to pick on lewis but plays along with his roscoe account

→ YourUserName i don’t play when it comes to my fluffy man

User4 miss thing, you are not slick. we all see the red bull in the last slide

→ User5 omg and they were seen chatting outside the space between the two garages earlier

→ User6 she was also seen talking to charles, pierre, valtteri and george but i don’t see any of you linking them together?

→ User7 her and Charles tho

→ User6 ffs 🙄

mercedesamgf1 you and roscoe are also our favourite hamiltons

→ lewishamilton i just can’t catch a break

charles_leclerc thank you for letting me into the garage to see the baby 🐶

maxverstappen1 always nice having you around the paddock

liked by YourUserName

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YourUserName just posted

liked by alex_albon, lewishamilton and others

YourUserName another weekend, another flex 🏁. also, thank you to @ nike for literally being the reason i get to chase my brother around the world tagged: lewishamilton, georgerussell63

7,669 commnets

georgerussell63 will you stop eating my snacks

→ YourUserName no, you don’t need them. your trainer says you’re getting fat

→ georgerussell63 don’t tell lies!

lewishamilton shoes on the bed!!

→ YourUserName they never touched the bed! and they’ve never even touched the ground!

→ YourUserName get off my post!

→ YourUserName go lose some races!

→ lewishamilton just like you’ve lost my love!

→ YourUserName i never wanted it in the first place!

→ roscoelovescoco that hurtses my feelings

→ User8 not lewis using baby roscoe against y/n

charles_leclerc perhaps you could wear red next?

→ landonorris nah mate. papaya all the way

→ maxverstappen1 i think she'd look better in blue

liked by YourUserName

mercedesamgf1 thank you for being the most entertaining member of the garage

→ georgerussell63 admin, how could you? i thought i was the best 🥺

User9 i'm living for y/n's sponsored post for work literally leads to her terrorising half the grid

→ User10 and the fact that it usually leads to admin and the grid terrorising themselves

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User1 no because the way this woman had him blushing and kicking his feet outside his own garage earlier, he’s smitten

→ User2 omg i saw that, he was fumbling over his words and everything

→ User3 i was in the paddock and no joke, he giggled!

User4 um i highly doubt max is flirting with y/n to mess with lewis, if anything, lewis asked y/n to flirt with max to mess up his game

→ User5 i bet you’re feeling real foolish about this comment now (race day tweet)

→ User6 agreed with user5, if anything the flirting fuelled max because he won with an 8 second lead

User7 no because they would be far too hot for any of us to handle

YourUserName oh look at that, I’m trending again

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YourUserName just posted

liked by maxverstappen1, danielricciardo and others

YourUserName thanks for having me @ redbullracing. it was a different perspective of the track, that’s for sure. well done on your 1-2 tagged: maxverstappen1

10,347 comments

mercedesamgf1 but you’re still a traitor 💔

User8 why tf is she in red bull. like could she make her disdain for lewis any more obvious

→ User9 what drugs are you on. the company she works for were invited by red bull and she went as their rep. lewis was seen waving at her from mercedes

→ User10 literally i swear all you lewis girlies look for any chance to hate on his sister like his sister isn’t the light of his life

lewishamilton i missed you

→ User10 you tell 'em, lew

→ YourUserName @ lewishamilton you’re so needy

→ YourUserName but i missed you too

redbullracing our good luck charm

→ georgerussell63 back off. you can’t have her

→ mercedesamgf1 @ georgerussell63 you tell ‘em, boo

maxverstappen1 it was a delight to have you

→ User11 dude you need better rizz than that

charles_leclerc ferrari in the future?

→ lewishamilton no

→ georgerussell63 no

→ mercedesamgf1 no

→ maxverstappen1 no

(this comment has been deleted)

danielricciardo i tried getting you to visit me there for years but max comes along and asks ONCE

liked by maxverstappen1

→ User12 omg max invited her

→ User13 omg she was there for work

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YourUserName just posted

liked by lewishamilton, maxverstappen1 and others

YourUserName he said he liked my curls so I let him take me for a drive

6,669 comments

yourfriend okay but the hair is looking fire

lewishamilton who’s car is that

lewishamilton where are you

lewishamilton who are you with

lewishamilton I know you’re on your phone. stop ignoring my comments

→ User1 lewis is killing me

→ User2 she’s really making him work up a sweat

yourfriend2 these pics are killing me. salivating

→ yourfriend3 agreed. bark bark woof woof

liked by YourUserName

liked by maxverstappen1

User3 okay but doesn’t that look a lot like max’s recent car?

→ lewishamilton show me the evidence

→ User3 omg no way you replied

→ User4 you literally can barely see the car but okay?

maxverstappen1 was he at least a good driver?

→ YourUserName i don’t know. he hit the curb and was a bit on the slow side

→ User5 you ain't slick, sis

landonorris omg you promised you wouldn’t tell anyone about us

→ YourUserName omg but you kept asking me for curl care routines. how could i resist?

alex_albon i mean the curls are nice but i don’t know how he can put up with your personality

→ YourUserName @ lilymhe dump him

→ lilymhe but he’s losing? so i feel like i have to wait until the season is over

→ alex_albon babe!

User1 do they need a third

User2 omg i called it. i called it. i called it

User3 everybody stay FUCKIGN CALM!

User4 okay but the way he holds her when he kisses her 🥹

User5 can somebody check on lewis? i feel he may not be able to handle this

→ User6 i can't handle this. let alone anyone else

User7 omg omg omg

User8 anyone else think these photos are an absolute invasion of privacy? how disgusting

→ User9 oh agreed. we hate that this was done but we're also so happy that they're together

User10 mom and dad

User11 the dream team. one can terrorise the grid OFF the track and one terrorises them ON the track

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YourUserName just posted

liked by maxverstappen1, carlossainz55 and others

YourUserName when bae is thirsty so am i 💦

11,342 comments

User12 is this a hard launch

→ User13 no, i think the paps did that for them

→ maxverstappen1 she had a 10 page document of plans for a soft launch as well

→ User14 um miss y/n, we'll still take those posts please

User15 does this mean we’re going to be getting y/n in the red bull garage from now to on and not Merc :(

→ georgerussell63 we were told we had to have shared custody

→ mercedesedamgf1 toto and christian had to sign a contract

lewishamilton i don’t like this. i'm happy for you but i do not need max verstappen thirst traps all over my feed

→ YourUserName well, i know you much prefer the real thing but you’re not allowed to drool over that anymore

→ lewishamilton how do i disown you?

→ YourUserName i've been asking myself that question for years

danielricciardo woohoo maxie. i wasn't familiar with you like that. she’s far too pretty for you, mate

→ maxverstappen1 i know

User1 not y/n being the thing that makes max active on socials

charles_leclerc it's nice to see the two of you finally together so that max stops talking to me in the cool down room about your beauty

→ maxverstappen1 shut the fuck up.

→ YourUserName @ maxverstappen1 aww you think i’m pretty

→ maxverstappen1 of course I do

landonorris how could you do this to me. i thought we were forever

→ YourUserName we weren’t even for 2 minutes

→ danielricciardo she only likes champions, mate

redbullracing going to need these blown up and out in the garage

→ YourUserName already on it

User2 petition for y/n to become max’s official photographer

→ maxverstappen1 agreed

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YourUserName just posted

liked by mercedesamgf1, nicorosberg and others

YourUserName just a couple of besties aka my brother wants to steal my boyfriend tagged: maxverstappen1, lewishamilton

7,555 comments

danielricciardo i think you mean MY boyfriend

→ YourUserName max told me your little fling meant nothing to him

→ danielricciardo @ maxverstappen1 you bitch!

→ maxverstappen1 i'm sorry but y/n means more to me than our night together

→ danielricciardo take it back

→ YourUserName your head game just wasn’t that strong

→ lewishamilton @ YourUserName i hate you for making me read that

georgerussell63 why don’t you take pics like this of me with lewis 🥺 i like him more than max does

→ YourUserName @ lewishamilton you’re upsetting all of your boyfriends tonight

→ lewishamilton i hate you

landonorris does this mean you’re free for me to hit you up

→ maxverstappen1 watch your back on the track

→ redbullracing @ maxverstappen1 christian said you’re not allowed to say that online anymore

→ maxverstappen1 for legal purposes, my previous comment was a joke

maxverstappen1 you’re the only Hamilton for me, schatje

→ YourUserName love you baby

→ maxverstappen1 love you too 💕

→ charles_leclerc @ maxverstappen1 i miss when you loved me

mercedesamgf1 please stop posting these. you’re making the rest of the grid jealous

mclaren please stop upsetting the grid by revealing their affairs. now they’re all crying

williamsracing @ YourUserName for the sake of the race, please stop stealing max from his boyfriends. they can’t drive through their tears

redbullracing we need more content like this, please. if the other drivers are too heartsick, there’s nothing standing in our way

→ redbullracing for legal reasons, this is a joke

[stylesispunk]

'I love you, it's ruining my life' | Part ii

Joel Miller x f!reader

part one | part three

summary: The aftermath of your confession and how all it ended, for now.

w.c: 3,9k

warnings: angst and just angst. Perhaps grammar mistakes cuz even when I edited the chapter, I tend to be stupid.

a/n: As I promised, part 2 is here! Thank you so much for all the love you gave it to the first part, I'm really happy you loved it despite the messy writing. This part will not be the end, so a third part is already in the works to end this mini story since I had to talk about the aftermath of the events in part 1 and I couldn't fit everything here, you know. Part iii may have a time jump. Happy ending or sad ending for these two?? Make your bets after reading this part. Happy reading 💌

dividers by @/saradika-graphics

After what had just happened, you closed the door of your house with a slam, as if that would help you to silence the thump of your heart cracking with anguish. You didn't even get to savor the taste of Joel's lips on yours; they felt tainted by poison and treason creeping from the unfaithful actions of two people in a vulnerable state. You felt completely dirty by your actions; the tears streamed down your face, washing the warm hands of Joel over your checks away, with the salty rustling of his skin on yours.

After a few seconds, you recovered your composure, inhaling the smell of your soon-to-be ex-home. You looked around your living room; there were boxes containing all the memories you had made for the last eight years of your life inside, saved from the postmortem state. All the days, seconds, and years seemed illicit and foreign, and you could not stop crying.

You sat by the door, head on your knees, next to the window, stealing glimpses of a frantic Joel, who was now walking towards his car, getting away from you for real. Your heart broke even more because you knew that your confession didn’t matter and that you were destined to recall things you never did. He had made his choice. He was going to get married to another woman, and you weren’t going to witness such torture. 

You stood from the ground towards your bedroom, still crying from the hope you had that he was going to love you that way, but he didn't, and you couldn't blame him. He was a good man, one who knew how to love but not how to receive, or perhaps he didn’t want it from you.

As you retreated to your bedroom, the weight of your actions bore down on you like a crushing wave. Each step felt heavier than the last, burdened by the knowledge that you had irreversibly altered the course of your life and Joel's.

The tears continued to flow unabated, leaving a trail of salty bitterness in their wake. You collapsed onto your bed, the sheets offering little solace from the storm raging within you.

When you made your way upstairs, you didn’t know that Joel turned back towards your house, hoping to catch a glimpse of you again. His mind was a whirlwind of emotions. Guilt gnawed at him like a relentless beast, tearing apart his insides with every breath. He couldn't shake the feeling of betrayal that hung heavy in the air, suffocating him with its weight.

Every fiber of his being screamed at him to turn back, to run as far away from the mess he had created as possible. But something, perhaps a glimmer of hope or a desperate longing for closure, propelled him forward, urging him to face the consequences of his actions.

You loved him, and he loved you too. He had waited to hear those words for so many years, and now they felt like treason, and he felt like a villain.

With a trembling hand, he opened the door of this car and drove towards Tess’s house, not knowing this would be the last time you would be sleeping next to his house.

As Joel arrived at Tess's house, he was greeted by the warm glow of the porch light and the familiar scent of her perfume wafting through the air. But instead of feeling comforted by her presence, he couldn't shake the sense of unease that settled over him like a dark cloud.

As he stepped inside, Tess's worried expression immediately caught his attention. She approached him with a furrowed brow, her eyes searching his face for answers.

"Joel, I'm so glad you're here," she said, her voice tinged with concern.

“Of course, what seemed to be so urgent?”

"I...I called you because I needed to talk to you about something." She spoke.

Joel's heart skipped a beat as he listened to her words, a sense of foreboding settling over him like a heavy weight in his chest.

"What is it, Tess?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Tess took a deep breath, her hands trembling slightly as she spoke. "I couldn't shake this feeling, Joel. The thought of you spending the night after our wedding with...with her," she paused, unable to bring herself to say your name. "It just didn't sit right with me.” She paused, “We’re getting married tomorrow, and I just need to know that she won’t ruin our lives.”

“Why would she?” Joel asked, feeling an urgent desire to defend you.

Tess hesitated, her eyes flickering with uncertainty as she struggled to find the right words. "I don't know, Joel. It's just that there's always been something between you two. Something I can't quite put my finger on."

Joel's heart sank at her words, the weight of guilt settling heavier upon him. He felt his heart exploding from the shame. He looked down at his hands, taking his time to gather all his courage and act like a man.

“I kissed her.” He confessed, and the silence sliced the skin of both. “I kissed her because I wanted to do it.”

As Joel uttered those words, a heavy silence descended upon the room, thick with the weight of his confession. Tess's eyes widened in shock, her hands trembling as she struggled to process the revelation.

The air hung heavy with tension as Joel's words echoed in the space between them, the truth of his betrayal leaving a bitter taste in the air. He could feel Tess's gaze boring into him, her expression a mix of disbelief and hurt.

"I... okay," she whispered, her voice barely above a whisper. "We’ll pretend it didn’t happen, but she is not coming to the wedding, and you won’t see her again.”

Her attempts to mend an already broken trust were being stabbed with a knife.

"She won't because there won't be a wedding, Tess," Joel said, his voice filled with resignation. "I can't go through with it, not like this. Not when I know that I've already destroyed any chance we had at happiness. Not when I don’t know what I feel.”

Tess's eyes widened in shock at his words, her heart lurching painfully in her chest. She had never imagined that their love could unravel so completely and that the future they had planned together could crumble before her eyes.

“And you deserved a man who didn’t put his love for you in doubt when the woman he waited to love confessed her feelings to him,” Joel said.

Tears welled up in Tess's eyes as she looked at Joel, her voice trembling with emotion. "I...I don't know what to say," she whispered, her voice barely audible above the weight of their shattered dreams.

Joel reached out to her, his hand trembling as he gently brushed away her tears. "I'm sorry, Tess," he said, his voice thick with regret. "I never meant to hurt you. I just... don't know what I want anymore."

Tess felt a surge of anger rise within her at Joel's words, the pain of his betrayal still raw and fresh in her heart. But beneath the anger, there was also a sense of resignation, a realization that their love had been built on shaky ground from the start.

"And what about her?" Tess asked, her voice tinged with bitterness. "What about her? Do you know what you want with her?"

Joel looked away, unable to meet Tess's gaze. "I don't know," he admitted, his voice barely a whisper. "I don't know anything anymore."

Tess felt a lump form in her throat at Joel's words, and the next thing Joel felt was a slap on his cheek.

Joel felt a pang of sorrow shoot through his heart at Tess's action, as if all her resentment had consumed him with the hit of her hand on his skin. Tess turned away before he could even realize it. Withit tears streaming down her cheeks, Joel knew that he had lost her for good. And though it pained him to admit it, he knew deep down that he deserved every bit of her anger and resentment.

And his thoughts drifted to you. For him, it was a feeling in his heart at the thought of not having you in his life anymore.

He had broken the hearts of two women last night, and he couldn't bear that feeling.

Joel woke up at noon the next day. There wasn't going to be a wedding that day. He had told Tess he had kissed you because he felt it. There were tears, yelling, slurs screaming at him, and even a slap when it was completely deserved.

He lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling, the events of the previous night playing out in his mind like a never-ending loop. The tears, the yelling, the slap—it all echoed in his ears, a constant reminder of the pain he had caused.

Joel knew that there wasn't going to be a wedding that day and that the future he had envisioned with Tess had been shattered beyond repair. And as he lay there in the silence of his empty house, he couldn't help but feel a profound sense of emptiness.

But even as his heart ached with longing, Joel knew that he had to face the consequences of his actions. He had hurt Tess, shattered her trust, and broken her heart, and he couldn't ignore the pain he had caused.

With a heavy sigh, Joel dragged himself out of bed and made his way to the kitchen. He poured himself a cup of coffee, the bitter taste doing little to chase away the bitter taste of regret that lingered in his mouth.

As he sipped his coffee, Joel knew he had a long road ahead of him. He had to find a way to make amends and earn back the trust and forgiveness of those he had wronged. And amidst it all, he vowed to do whatever it took to hold onto the love he felt for you and to fight for a future where you could be together, despite the odds stacked against them.

Joel had met Tess two years ago. At first, it was something cosmic and faster, like spending some time together after he had fixed her house, but then the pages between them started to get written and Joel began to spend less time with you. You tried to dismiss the gut-wrenching feeling consuming your void inside, but you promised him to take care of Sarah, while he had taken the chance to bet on love once again.

He deserved it, but you wanted to be the one, and you consumed yourself into your own pity just for one glimpse of his smile, hoping someday he would notice you that way.

It was two months later when Joel invited you to meet Tess for the first time. As you stepped into the cozy café where they had arranged to meet, a pang of bittersweet emotion tugged at your heart. You couldn't deny the twinge of jealousy that gnawed at you, knowing that Joel was introducing you to someone who could potentially become his wife someday.

Despite the ache in your chest, you plastered on your best smile, determined to be supportive for Joel's sake. After all, you had promised to always be there for him, no matter what.

As Tess walked in, her eyes lighting up at the sight of Joel, you couldn't help but feel a pang of envy. They were already sharing a secret language you would never get to understand. She was everything you weren't—beautiful, confident, and effortlessly charming. And as Joel introduced you to her, the weight of his hand on your shoulder felt like a silent reassurance, a reminder of the bond you shared as best friends.

You exchanged pleasantries with Tess, forcing yourself to push aside the tumult of emotions swirling inside you. You laughed at her jokes, engaged in small talk, and did your best to be the supportive friend that Joel needed you to be.

But beneath the façade of your smiles and laughter, your heart ached with a sense of loss. You were already grieving your friendship with Joel, as if you were feeling the distance growing between you both, as if his introduction of Tess marked the beginning of a new chapter—one where you would no longer be his sole confidante and companion.

And as you watched Joel and Tess interact, their laughter mingling in the air like a melody of happiness, you couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to stand in her shoes—to be the one who captured Joel's heart and made him smile in that way.

But despite the ache in your chest, you pushed aside your own desires and fears, burying them beneath layers of friendship and loyalty. Because in that moment, all that mattered was Joel's happiness, even if it meant sacrificing a piece of your own.

You made sacrifices for the people you loved.

As Joel's thoughts drifted back to the present, he tried to recall all the times he missed the way you glanced at him full of love, and he didn’t even notice. Even when he was the one looking out beyond the simple glimpses,.

He felt like a fool. Joel sat in the quiet solitude of his house, contemplating the light of the sun creeping through the window. His thoughts drifted to you once again and again. He knew that he needed to come to talk to you later to make amends for the pain he had caused and perhaps even begin to write a new chapter in your relationship. But deep down, he also knew that he needed time to heal himself and mend the wounds of his own heart before he could hope to repair the damage he had done to yours.

Lost in his thoughts, Joel was jolted back to reality when the sound of the door opening caught his attention. Turning his head, he watched as Tommy stepped into the house, a tired Sarah sleeping in his arms. The pitying glance that Tommy shot him didn't go unnoticed, a silent reminder of the wreckage of his almost-married life.

Joel offered a weak smile in return, his heart heavy with the weight of his own guilt and remorse. He knew that he had let everyone down—Tess, you, and even himself—and he couldn't shake the feeling of disappointment that hung over him like a dark cloud.

But as he watched Tommy and Sarah disappear into the other room, Joel knew that he couldn't wallow in self-pity forever. He had to find a way to pick up the pieces of his broken life and move forward, even if the road ahead seemed daunting and uncertain.

Lost in his thoughts, Joel didn't notice when Tommy returned to the living room, his expression a mix of concern and confusion. "Hey, Joel, why didn't you tell me?" Tommy asked, his voice tinged with worry.

Joel blinked, snapping out of his reverie as he turned to face Tommy. "Tell you what?" he asked, his brow furrowing in confusion.

"Why didn't you tell me that “bubu” was moving out?" Tommy clarified; his tone was laced with concern. "I saw the moving truck leaving.

Joel's heart sank at Tommy's words, a wave of realization washing over him. He remembered now—the conversation from last night, your tearful confession that you were leaving for good. "She couldn’t be serious," he had whispered, the words heavy with disbelief and desperation.

Without another word, Joel stepped away from the couch, his movements heavy with purpose as he made his way towards the door. Ignoring Tommy's calls behind him, he pushed open the door and stepped outside, only to be met with the emptiness of your house next door.

The sight of your empty home, stripped bare of all its memories, hit Joel like a punch to the gut. The realization that you were truly gone, that he had let you slip through his fingers without a fight, left him feeling hollow and alone.

With a heavy heart, Joel sank to his knees on the doorstep, the weight of his regrets crushing him beneath their unbearable burden. And as he gazed up at the empty windows of your house, he couldn't help but wonder if he had lost you forever.

It was a warm summer afternoon when Sarah said her first word. You, Joel, and Sarah were lounging in the living room, playing with her favorite toys.

As Sarah babbled and cooed, her tiny hands reaching out to grasp at the colorful shapes before her, you couldn't help but feel a sense of joy and wonder wash over you. Watching her grow and learn had become a highlight of your days, a bright spot in an otherwise ordinary existence.

“Bubu”

Joel's face lit up with pride and joy as he scooped up his daughter, a mixture of awe and amusement twinkling in his eyes. "Did she just say her first word?" he exclaimed, his voice filled with wonder.

You couldn't help but laugh at Joel's playful jealousy, knowing that he was only teasing. "Oh my god, baby!" you cooed, reaching out to gently stroke Sarah's soft cheek. "You're just too clever for your own good, aren't you?"

"Bubu," Sarah repeated, her eyes sparkling with innocence as she reached out towards you, her chubby fingers grasping at the air.

"I can't believe she didn't say 'father' first," Joel joked, a playful grin tugging at the corners of his lips.

You chuckled at Joel's comment, feeling a surge of warmth fill your heart at the playful banter between father and daughter. "Don't be jealous, Joel," you teased, giving him a gentle nudge. "I'm 'Bubu'—that's a tough title to beat!"

And as Sarah continued to babble and coo, her laughter filling the room with its infectious joy, you couldn't help but feel a sense of belonging there.

From that moment on, "Bubu" became your nickname, a term of endearment that Joel had bestowed upon you in honor of Sarah's first word.

And though the years had passed since that day and Sarah had long outgrown her baby talk, the nickname had stuck. It had become a symbol of the bond you shared with Joel and her, a reminder of the love and affection that had blossomed between you over the years.

Back in the present, Joel sat alone in his bedroom, the weight of his regrets heavy on his shoulders. The memories of the events that had unfolded in recent days weighed heavily on his mind, filling him with a sense of profound sorrow and remorse.

As he sat in the quiet solitude of his living room, Joel couldn't shake the feeling of emptiness that seemed to permeate the air around him. The absence of your presence in his life had already left a void that seemed impossible to fill, a gaping wound that refused to heal.

And your letter on his hands weighs like the steam of a rose, making his hands bleed as the words written on it punctuate deep wounds in them.

“Joel,

As I sit down to write this letter, my heart feels heavy with the weight of everything that has happened between us. There are so many words I want to say and so many apologies I want to offer, but I know that mere words can never truly express the depth of my regret and remorse.

I want you to know that I never meant to hurt you and that every choice I made was made out of fear and confusion. But I know that my actions have caused you pain too, and for that, I am truly sorry.

I know that things between us may never be the same again and that the trust we once shared may be irreparably damaged. But I need time and space to heal and to find a way to live my life away from you.

I want you to know that I love you, Joel, more than words could ever express. You have been my rock, my confidant, and my closest friend, and the thought of losing you fills me with a pain that is almost too much to bear. My biggest expression of love is letting you go.

Please know that I will always cherish the memories we shared together, the laughter, the tears, and the moments of joy and sorrow that we experienced side by side. And no matter what the future may hold, those memories will always hold a special place in my heart.

I hope that one day we will be able to look back on this time with a sense of gratitude, knowing that it was the challenges we faced together that ultimately brought us closer. Until then, know that you are always in my thoughts, in my heart, and in my prayers. And know that no matter what happens, I will always love you, now and forever.

Have a wonderful wedding and a happy marriage with Tess. I hope you know you deserve to be loved.

I’ll miss you and Sarah so much."

With all my love,

Bubu or you can just call me by my real name now.

As Joel read the words of your letter, each sentence pierced his heart like a dagger, reopening wounds that had barely begun to heal. The weight of your words pressed down on him like a suffocating blanket, leaving him feeling numb and hollow inside.

He hadn’t gotten married, and you thought he had. You left thinking he got married to another woman.

The realization that you were truly gone, that you had made the agonizing decision to leave him behind, sent a wave of despair crashing over him. He felt as though the ground had been pulled out from beneath him, leaving him adrift in a sea of uncertainty and pain.

Tears welled up in Joel's eyes as he read the final lines of your letter, your words of farewell echoing in his mind like a haunting refrain. The emptiness of your absence loomed large in the room, a stark reminder of all that he had lost.

With trembling hands, Joel clutched the letter to his chest, as if holding onto it could somehow keep you from slipping away from him completely. But deep down, he knew that no amount of pleading or begging could change your mind, that you had made your decision, and there was nothing he could do to change it for now.

You were truly the biggest loss of his life; there was too much to grieve and yet so much to hold onto. He was going to go back for you, but he had to heal that part of him that pushed you away from him and let you find yourself before he could come back into your life again.

.......

I'm tagging people who asked me and those who asked for a part 2, if you want to be removed you can tell me 💌

💌 taggs: @immywonderdefender @sarahhxx03 @powellssaturn @ifall4dilfs @harriedandharassed @skysmiller

[onri42]

how I manifested my dream life after years of overconsumption

hello! after being in this community for many years, hopelessly and endlessly trying to manifest the life of my dreams since i was a young teen, i can finally say i did it. i'm living the life i always wanted. this is my success story ٩( 'ω' )و (very long and detailed! + mentions of heavy topics)

how i did it: the journey

i initally found out about manifesting from a friend who told me about subliminals, then i became invested in law of attraction and soon, law of assumption.

for years I was in a nonstop cycle of overconsuming information, deciding to put my foot down and say "this is it", only go back spiraling in my negative thoughts & old story hours or even minutes later. this cycle lasted for years. i felt like the law could not be this easy, and heavily relied on my 3d for evidence/signs of my desire. i felt like there was always something else to do in the 3d (subliminals, scripting, vision board, etc) and was not satisfied in just believing in the unseen.

eventually, i became sick of it. i wanted my dream life so badly, i would cry myself to sleep some nights because of how badly i wanted to be free from my old story. i hated my old life, and was desperate for my new one.

i constantly reread the same edward art posts, tumblr posts, and success stories about the law and craved for something new, but at this point i already knew all i needed to know about the law. i had some success with the law of assumption in the past (manifesting my acceptance into uni, talking to a cute boy etc.) but getting my entire dream life felt like it was impossible. i knew i can get anything and everything i wanted, but honestly i was scared and felt like there was a barrier between me and my desire. yet, i held onto these feelings for years. at some point i even felt childish and the need to "grow up and be realistic" about what i wanted since everything around me was changing and i wasn't getting any younger. but i still held onto my dreams and desires, it was planted into my heart for a reason and I really wanted it to come true.

one day i was clearing out my phone and came across blushydior's success story of how she manifested her dream life in hard circumstances. i read her post again and really internalized what she said about the law.

in short, life is a blank canvas. the minute you decide what you want, it is done. there is nothing stopping you from getting anything you ever wanted because it is already finished. just keep persisting and accepting that it is done because it simply is; nothing else left to do.

so i decided to go all in. i didn't do much: just affirm that i had my desire when i thought about it and embody the state. during the first few days, i felt a wave of happiness and excitement whenever I affirmed for my desires. i knew i had them, and it made me happy. i didn't ignore my 3d, i simply lived through it. i did whatever i had to do in my 3d while still thinking "oh i already have my desire! nothing can stop me, it's all done!"

over time, the feelings of excitement faded and it became more of a feeling of security and calmness. i would still think thoughts like "oh yeah i have my desire, oh well whatever" and simply move on.

i will say though, in the middle i did kind of cave and want to fall into my old ways. i had the feelings of calmness but felt like there was something else left to do. i logged onto tumblr and scrolled over some of the posts i had saved, but didn't read them and rely on them for info. i had to force myself to snap out of feeling like I didn't have it and remind myself that i had it. when i felt overwhelmed with my 3d or faced something that i didnt like, i would remind myself of my desires being complete.

at night i'd also imagine romantic scenarios about me and my sp to fall asleep but i didn't do anything like try to get into sats or void (i tried them before and found them quite boring lol)

eventually after sticking to the assumption that i have my desires, regardless of what i see in the 3d, nothing can stop me from getting my desire because it's already done, i got them all. woke up with everything i want. this is what it means to persist: to take the leap of faith, go all in, and just keep on believing that you already have it!

the old and new story:

old story: I grew up in a very restrictive lifestyle with little freedom and privacy in my house, as well as super traditional and religious parents that made me feel uncomfortable in many areas of my life. my life was primarily just me taking care of my annoying younger siblings and studying to get good grades so I could make my parents happy. I did not have much success with maintaining friendships, no luck in the love department, and disliked who I was as a person for much of my life. I was completely dependent on my parents and wanted their approval for everything; it felt like I was living and doing all of these activities to make them proud, even though they never told me they were. anything that I wanted to pursue I shut down before even trying because I knew they would not approve. I was also constantly being pushed into these religious spaces that made me super uncomfortable due to their beliefs and have been verbally and physically abused in the name of so-called religion. I was living a life that I did not want, by finding the law it gave me an opportunity to live my own life for once.

new story: appearance transformation from head to toe, apartment and houses of my dreams in my desired cities & countries, talents, skills, and knowledge about topics I was curious about, language fluency, ideal wardrobe with all my dream clothes, items on my wishlist, having financial freedom, being free, independent, and in charge of my life, having the boyfriend of my dreams (guys he is so fine like omg), completely revamping and rewriting my past, having a tight knit friend group and the biggest one of all, the thing i wanted for so long -- being a famous musical artist in one of the biggest girl groups in the world <3

i am so so so glad i never gave up, it really is easy.

the law in summary:-

decide what you want to manifest

have faith and know that you already have your desire, it is done and nothing can stop you from getting it (remember! methods are optional)

just persist, do not give up. it will manifest into the 3d! nothing else left to do.

good luck everyone, you can do it and i believe in you <3

[feralgoblinqueen]

Silly Goose

Simon “Ghost” Riley x fem!reader

MDNI please and thank you

Warnings: Dirty humor, mentions of masturbation, slightly dark humor if you squint.

A/N: Let me know what you think. All feedback is appreciated since this is the first fic I’ve written and posted for others to read in years.

———

It started when you joined Task Force 141. Price had not considered adding another member to their already reputable team. At least, until your impressive file managed to come across his desk. Most notably the praises of former team and squad mates. You raised the morale of every company you joined as far back as your first deployment. Your previous CO could only sing your praises as Price sat and listened to him over the phone.

It was an easy decision to invite you into the team. It was confirmed to be the right decision a week later when he joined the four of you in the mess. You were in the middle of a story, the whole table captivated.

“So we had spent the last two weeks 40 clicks behind enemy lines. It should have felt like the return to civilization when we rejoined with the company. It didn’t.” Your hands punctuated your words, you were drawing in the attention of even those at surrounding tables.

“By the time we rendezvous with the rest of the company, our supply truck had been hit. Whole company on one meal a day until we could resupply with the rest of the Battalion. I knew my squad had hit its low. Everyone has lost their fight, they weren’t battle ready.” A big, easy smile splayed across your face. Price could feel the build up to the joke as he dug into his food. Him and the rest of the team remained quiet, waiting for what you would say next.

“Soap, what do you think Santa had in her magic rucksack?” You waggled your eyebrows. Their movement already earning a snort from Gaz. Price’s lips quirked up into a smirk.

“Uh… some extra MREs?” Soap was caught off guard by your question but you bounced right off, not drawing attention to his clumsy response.

“Close but no cigar. I’d packed my rucksack full of canned ravioli and porn mags. Nothing quite boosts morale like Chef Boyardee and a combat jack.” The corse words flew out of your mouth. It was evident that you’d served around men for a long time. The humor landing with the group of soldiers. Not only was your table laughing but those listening in around you as well. All except one man.

You had worked out years ago the quickest way to be welcomed by a group was to get them laughing. In school, in bootcamp, and with your newest team. Never making jokes about others or at their expense, that was your number one rule. Well number two rule. The number one rule was don’t eat yellow snow.

You easily joked about your own experiences or shortcomings. Joining the military meant you’d lived a lot of life. Life that was full of good and bad experiences. You made the best of them all and lived to make a joke out of it.

This was the first time in years, however, you’d met someone seemingly unaffected by your charm.

Ghost was stoic and cold. Eyes always watching you behind his balaclava, never showing the slightest hint of amusement. You worked overtime trying to get him to at least chuckle or to see his eyes to crinkle through the holes in his mask. Some sort of sign he at least smiled at your jokes. Any show of humor would do.

It was another meal in the mess hall when you tried again. Soap had mentioned some of the lieutenant’s deadpan and darker jokes. Maybe that was more Ghost’s sense of humor.

“So how are you still single? You’re a laugh a minute and you’re a good lookin lass?” Soap inquired, setting his tray down and taking the seat to your right. Ghost as across from you, shoveling food in where he had raised up his mask.

“Well I think it has to do with my line of work. You know how they say the surest way to a man’s heart is his stomach?” Soap noted the change in your posture. He’d picked up over the past few weeks how you sit up straighter if you were getting ready to go into another joke or funny story.

“Aye, I’ve heard that before.” He replied, a grin already forming on his face.

“Well I’ve found going through the ribcage is a lot faster.” You say pointed a finger gun at Ghost’s chest, as if to drive your point home. Soap sat for a beat before shaking his head.

“That was awful. LT, you been sharing your jokes with her?” He chuckled to himself, returning to the food on his tray.

Once again you stared Ghost down for the slightest tell. You searched his whole body for any sign of a laugh.

Disappointment grew in your gut as he finished his meal and left the table. You huffed, fork moving bits of food around your tray.

What if he just didn’t like you? That didn’t make sense though. Soap was a funny guy and Ghost got along with him just fine. Maybe it was more serious than that. Maybe he didn’t think you were needed on the team. They four of them had been working together for months before you entered the picture. Was it because you were a woman? You’d never had a negative interaction with him. He seemed immune to your banter.

“That face you’re makin’ is scary.” Soap nudged your side. A kind grin softening his features. You shook off your stress, shoving him back enough that his seat scooted.

“Sorry, that’s my default face while I’m waiting to receive more orders from the mothership. Mess hall interferes with the signal.” Humor was how you coped with everything. It’s how you deflected serious conversations. You knew you came off as simple minded and silly but you wouldn’t have risen this high in your career if that’s all there was.

It shouldn’t have been that big of a deal for you. One person not finding you funny shouldn’t eat at you the way Ghost’s reaction, or more so lack there of, did. You dwelled on it more than you were proud of. Some tender part in the deep recesses of your heart hurt to accept that he may simply not like you. That he only tolerated you professionally because his CO wanted you on the team.

As weeks went by the lieutenant’s response hadn’t changed. Any hope you had left that his reaction was just because you were new was dwindling fast. If only you would look for more than just amusement. You focused in on a sign of a singular emotion that you failed to notice all the others. But his team hadn’t missed it.

Captain Price was the first to notice the change in him. Ghost wasn’t one who usually socialized during meals, at least not on base. Since you joined, however, he’d taken more time eating. He joined in on conversations that weren’t just work related. Johnny noticed this and more, having more time to interact with Ghost than the captain.

Ghost’s eyes rarely leave you if you’re nearby. Upon approach he’ll act like he wasn’t watching you every move, usually picking up conversation with whoever he’s with or checking his watch. Soap had teased him for it on multiple occasions but Ghost always plays it off that he’s keeping an eye on how you’re adjusting.

No the team certainly hadn’t missed Simon’s big fat crush on their resident silly goose.

———

You sat on the couch of the AirBnB, watching Ghost talk on the phone with Captain Price. The two of you had been sent to observe a target who was fencing weapons for a terrorist organization. It had been a week and you had managed to find the opportunity to tap his phone calls and laptop. Besides that it was just a bunch of watching who comes and goes from his house across the street.

“Price is calling it. Nobody besides him has came or went from the house all week. We’ve planted our bugs so Lazwell can keep an eye on his digital footprint. There’s not much else for us to do here. We’ll leave at 0700 and no watch tonight.” Ghost announced, relaxing into the other end of the couch.

You nodded, turning your attention back to the TV. The only conversations you’d had the entire mission were work related. The voice of doubt in the back of your mind telling you that Ghost would only dislike you more if you tried the usual shenanigans without the buffer of the others around. The mission had kept you occupied but now that you had the night off that pit of anxiety deep in your gut came seeping back in.

You wanted to ease yourself by making a joke. You worked your bottom lip between your teeth. A normal person would make mundane conversation. Talk about the weather or ask if Ghost wanted to change the channel from the awful 90s sitcom. Anything to lift the awkward silence you felt.

Finally it came bursting out. You’d let your guard down just enough that the old habit slipped through.

“Hey Ghost, what’s red and bad for your teeth?”

You wanted to dig yourself into a hole. Of all the things to say, your brain spits out this joke. You expected silence or for him to tell you to knock it off.

His response was neither.

“I don’t know.” He gave you his full attention, looking up from his phone. Eyes already twinkling with amusement but you were too stressed to even notice. Suddenly the room was ten degrees warmer.

“A brick.” You waited for the silence. For an annoyed huff. You’d have to meet with Price and leave the team. Surely you’d never live this one down. Not when it was just you and Ghost alone.

A rich roar of laughter came from the other end of the couch. So much force behind it that your cushion shook. It didn’t last more than five seconds but you knew you’d remember that sound forever. Simon’s eyes creased so much from how big his grin was that they were almost closed.

You were in awe. You needed to hear it again.

“I thought you didn’t like my jokes.” You whispered, still in shock.

His eyebrows drew up in surprise. “You’re the funniest person I’ve met!”

You mouth open and shut not unlike a fish out of water. Confusion etched into every inch of your body.

“Then fucking laugh! Holy shit I thought you couldn’t stand me!” Relief washed over you like a warm shower after a long day.

Ghost laughed again, its warmth just as surprising this time as the last. You didn’t know when you got to your feet but now you were pacing. A barrage of emotions hit you all at once and you felt they might consume you if you sat still.

A large hand gripped your forearm, stopping you.

“When I’m on base, around those that aren’t my team, I keep up the image of ‘Ghost’. The mask, the stoicism, it’s all part of it.” He explained, turning you to face him.

A small, satisfactory smile crept onto your lips.

“So you’re telling me I just made ‘The Ghost’ laugh at a dumb joke I heard in elementary school?”

Ghost shook his head, hand releasing your wrist. His eyes were suddenly very gentle while he looked at you.

“No, you just made me laugh.” Hands pulled the balaclava over his head as he spoke. You froze, watching in awe. He ran his fingers through his sandy blond hair before looking up at you. “Without the mask I’m just Simon.”

Your mouth acted faster than your brain, per usual. There was no time to stop the words that flew out.

“It’s so not fair that you get to be mysterious AND hot.” You slapped your hands over your mouth.

Simon laughed again. This time his expression in full view for you to see. Your embarrassment lost as you drank in the sight of him. Brown eyes crinkled with amusement and his pink lips grinning easily.

“So you think I’m hot?”

“Shut up, I think I’m working through the stages of shock right now.” Your sarcasm and humor on full autopilot as your brain worked overtime to process all this new information. Another laugh blessed your ears.

“I know how you can shut me up.” Simon smirked, eyes full of mirth as he leaned back into the couch.

“I’m sorry, did you just flirt with me? Let a girl catch her fucking breath for…” You couldn’t finish your sentence. Simon had pulled you down and captured your mouth with his. Your lips moved in time, tongue slipping into his mouth once you’d both relaxed.

When you pulled apart the two of you spent the night talking. Having conversations about everything and anything. And you made him laugh so much his sides hurt. He didn’t mind. It felt good to relax this fully with someone. He loved the way you’d light up as he laughed, wanting to keep that expression on your face.

And he would, as often as he could, for the rest of your lives.

[moo-blogging]

No thoughts tonight, just dad Levi in my head.

You always wanted a spring baby. You thought it represents hope, new beginnings, and endless possibilities. But your baby came at mid autumn when the leaves were falling and the sky gray. It wasn't that you would love your baby any less just because of the season the baby was born in, but you had concerns about your baby surviving the winter.

Living in the outskirts of town closer to the military camp allowed Levi to sleep at home whenever he wasn't on night duty. However this had reduced the convenience of reaching for a doctor. Levi knew about your concerns and he assured you that there was less titan attacks in the winter and he would arrange with Erwin to have lesser night duties.

Before the winter came, you and Levi had been thrifting for warmer clothes, but it was hard to get infant sizes. You learnt to strap your baby onto your chest to keep warm together. Levi had the cadets carried more logs to the cabin. You sewn clothes together to make thicker blankets, socks and mittens.

When the cold harsh winter hit, you dressed your baby in 3-4 layers of clothings you sewn. You yourself was wearing 2-3 layers too. The jacket Levi took from the military was useful when you had to go out to fetch more logs, but it was too hot in the house. Seeing your baby's cheeks red with warmth and love, your worries reduced. Your baby was the exact replica of Levi. With his hair was dark as the night, his eyes gleaming silverish blue and his pointed little nose, you loved your baby so so much you felt like your heart could explode with love.

One evening without night duty, Levi came home to you. He gave you a quick kiss, played with baby for a moment, and hit the shower. Levi always showered before you during winter to make the bathroom warm. After a hot shower and feeling warm, you walked into the living room finding Levi alone and the crate empty.

"Levi? Where's baby?" You asked, a wet towel draped on your shoulders. Turning around, you saw a big bulge under Levi's oversized hoodie. Levi insisted on buying this oversized hoodie at the bazaar. You knew Levi did not wear oversized clothing but he refused to disclose what it was for. And now you knew.

You mirrored Levi's grin as you approached him. Levi was bouncing on his toes. He leaned in toward you, pulling at his collar. You saw your baby's sparkling huge eyes staring at you. A grin started to spread across his face when he saw yours. A sharp baby-ish giggled echoed through the room. Levi had strapped baby onto him and pulled the hoodie over them. Baby was safe and warm with Levi, grinning as he ate his little fist.

Levi started to hum and rub the baby's back, lifting his eyebrows and blinking his eyes to tease baby. Baby laughed again. You kissed the side of Levi's lips. You really loved watching Levi being a dad. He was never shy or embarrassed to learn about being a supporting partner during the pregnancy. You tried to stop him for strapping the baby onto him after his long day at work. You knew how it hurts your back, but Levi insisted because "you have been carrying baby for 9 months, i want to share this with you too".

With Levi sitting on the sofa and you on the carpeted floor, Levi was drying your hair with a towel by the fireplace. The cabin smelt like bonfire, tea and baby powder. Snow was falling quietly outside, and the night was dark.

But your cabin was warm and cozy. Your husband's fingers massaging your scalp as he dried your hair. Your baby babbling happily and Levi replying with "oh really?" "you like to eat your fingers, huh?" "you think so?".

Oh, you thought, what a wonderful life this is.

[azzibuckets]

now that we don’t talk [paige bueckers]

paige bueckers x fem!reader

summary: you and paige break up and neither of you know how to move on properly with your life

a/n: decided to go for some angst again…didn’t really have an aim or a direction when writing this so not sure if i should turn this into a series or not ? lmk what yall think

word count: 1.5k

masterlist

The First Week

In the first week, Paige had fallen into her daily routine. Her moments of forgetfulness were instinctual; she’d laid a dollop of minty Crest toothpaste on her blue toothbrush before doing the same thing to your red one, leaving it hanging over the edge of the counter.

The first time she did it, she’d hadn’t even noticed. It was only when she’d turned her mouth to catch the water under the faucet that she’d spotted your toothbrush that she’d set up, ready with Crest, as if you’d pop in any moment to stick it in your mouth and start scrubbing. Paige had almost choked on the water she’d been gurgling, grief worming its way up her throat and making it hard to breathe.

Heaving, she’d stood over the sink, hand gripping both sides of the counter to support herself until her knuckles turned white. It took all her strength not to buckle over from the precipitous wave of agony that had collided into her with gut-wrenching speed.

But for some reason, Paige had stuck your toothbrush under the stream of water then placed it carefully back in its cup. And so she’d made the same mistake the day after. This time, when she realized what she’d done, it wasn’t the weight of sadness that compressed her lungs, but a brewing storm of fury. Her vision had gone red, and she’d grabbed the toothbrush and hurled it against the wall as hard as she could, with a strength that she didn’t even know that she’d still had. And this time, when Paige stared at the toothpaste dripping slowly down the wall, mocking her as it made a mess on the floor, the counter couldn’t save her. She’d succumbed to the force of her fury dragging her down, and had crumpled to the floor, sobs racking her body.

The First Month

Your room was dark, in almost sub-freezing temperatures with the windows wide open to welcome in the frosty, bone-chilling winter air that Connecticut was known for. The only light in the room came from the dim glow of your laptop screen, opened live to the UConn women’s basketball game playing live on ESPN.

At first, you’d attempted to be nonchalant whenever Paige sunk yet another basket with ease, making the crowd and commentators going feral as she celebrated with her signature moves. But as the game between UConn and USC got closer and closer, you couldn’t help but smile when Paige crossed over her defense, sending them flying to the floor and leaving her wide open to score yet another 3. It reminded you all too well of the Paige you’d met and fallen in love with, whose confidence on the court had made you start viewing her as more than just your teammate.

But any trace of smile on your face quickly vanished once you watched Paige’s post-game interview during the livestream. “You’ve had quite a run this season despite being out for most of your sophomore and junior year due to injury. Who would you like to thank for your unpredented comeback?”

“I’d like to thank God. He’s been with me through everything, given me trials to test my resilience. In fact, he’s made me stronger than ever.” Paige had paused. You’d recognized her hesitance; the way she nibbled her bottom lip, her mouth half open as she debated a response, the uncertainty in her eyes as they flickered. But she seemed to recover from any reluctance, and what she said next made your heart drop. “I’d also like to thank my girlfriend, Leslie.” She motioned to someone off camera, and soon the frame was filled with tousled brown hair and soft green eyes.

Paige pulled her in close, and your world spun as you watched Paige, your Paige, press her lips against the brunette. Your hands had reached up to tear your headphones off your head, unable to further listen to the claps and hoots of the crowd along with the cooing of the commentators without feeling the need to throw up. But before you could, Paige had started speaking again. Your hands froze. You hated yourself for it, but you had to listen.

“She’s been with me through everything, from freshman year to now. She was my number one supporter when I got injured.” She wrapped her arm around Leslie’s waist, staring intently at the camera, and never before had you been this sickened staring at the blue eyes you’d once adored, could’ve spent hours getting lost in. “But even outside of my injury, Les has been on my side. Especially with all the immature drama that happened on the court last year, she was really a clear voice in all of that. So I’m pretty grateful for her.”

Leslie’s mouth split into a grin, and she turned to pull Paige in for another kiss, and that was when you slammed your laptop so hard that when you opened it the next morning, you were surprised to see that the screen hadn’t shattered.

You were not someone who cried. Your family members, your friends, Paige could all attest to that. But the torment that was clawing its way through your body, threatening to suffocate you, finally exploded. Tears had surged from your eyes, seemingly never ending, and you’d cried so much that night that it suddenly made sense why you’d almost never cried before; it was like all the tears in your life had been pent up, waiting for this moment, for when the pin fell.

That night was the lowest you’d ever felt in your life, and possibly even the lowest you’ve ever acted - blinded by a jealous rage over the girl that Paige had always promised you not to worry about, the girl Paige was basically making out with on live television just one month after you guys had broken up (and when it’d taken her two years to show PDA with you), you’d gone on all your social media accounts and blocked Paige on every single one of them.

Then an idea came to you. An act of retaliation that would hurt Paige as much as she hurt you. So you’d reopened Twitter, unblocked Paige. You’d scrolled until you found the perfect tweet. Your thumb had hovered for a split second over the like button, haunted by images of Paige’s hand trailing your stomach, her hair brushing your eyes, her mouth on your neck, before it was violently replaced by the image of Paige locking lips with the brunette flooding your mind, causing you to jam your thumb down with ferocity on the like button. You’d slammed the final nail in the coffin by deleting the app so that you couldn’t go back and undo your action before word got around to Paige.

The First Year

You thought you knew grief. You thought you’d familiarized yourself with every aspect of mourning: the realization in the morning, when your eyes open and you lose the blissful state of dreaming and you’re confronted with the harsh truths of the world. Or the late nights, when you’re restless and can’t sleep because of jealousy plaguing your mind. Even the deep longing of missing someone’s touch so bad that you swear that you can almost almost smell their perfume.

So you thought you knew grief - until your grandma died. It had been a matter of time. She’d had breast cancer, and for years now the doctors had been saying any time. But that still didn’t prepare you for the overwhelming pain that consumed all your senses, making it hard to think or eat or sleep or even breathe.

The first few nights after you received the news, you stared at the ceiling, unblinking until the early hours of the morning when the sun started creeping up through your windows. But you couldn’t even cry; you felt like a broken faucet. What the fuck was wrong with you? Sobbing over your stupid ex that you’d broken up with an entire year ago, but unable to shed a tear for your grandma, the woman who had single-handedly raised you. You were exhausted to the point of no return. When would everything stop hurting?

You’d only torn your eyes from your ceiling when your phone had lit up. It was 4 AM, and you wondered who it could be. You checked your phone, and every part of your body froze when you read the notifications.

TWITTER

From: paigebueckers1

I’m so sorry

TWITTER

From: paigebueckers1

I just heard the news

TWITTER

From: paigebueckers1

Don’t know if you’re even active on here anymore but it’s the only way I could reach you. If you see this, I just want to ask you to not keep your grief to yourself. Isolating yourself won’t make the pain go away. Make sure to talk to someone

Your heart had ached, your phone trembling in your hand. Because Paige had cared enough to send you a message, on the same app where you’d given the tabloids a wet dream and caused the UConn fandom to go into a spiral by liking a hate tweet about Paige. She’d cared enough to disregard all that to make sure you were okay. But she still hadn’t cared enough to offer to be that someone that she wanted you to talk to so bad.

So you’d left her on read, without responding. Had slipped back into your sheets, your head pounding and your lungs aching. This time the tears fell out easily.

[riddlesb1tch]

Mattheo Riddle Headcannons

a/n: its high time I live up to my username and write for Mattheo Riddle lol so here are some headcannons for Mattheo x introverted reader!

He knows you are a very shy and quiet type of person, not a huge fan of attention, so he knows that when he speaks to you for the first time, it has to be in a place where you’re comfortable and not imposing. The best place to do this was the Slytherin common room in the evening when there were other students around. 

You were comfortably cuddled up in front of the fire in a huge chair with a blanket, doing your potions homework. 

Mattheo simply stared at how beautiful you looked with the fire illuminating half your face, giving it a radiant glow. 

He was a goner when you smiled a genuine smile at something your friend said. 

Blaise, Draco and Theo collectively looked to where you were sitting the moment that enamoured look dawned on Mattheo’s face. This called for a lot of teasing from the whole group about how Mattheo was completely whipped by a girl he had never even spoken to. They encouraged him to speak to you and he finally gathered the guts to approach you. 

It was simply talking about homework since you two were in the same potions class so he pretended not to know what was going on in that class. 

He was actually one of the top students in the class.

Not above you, though. 

He pulled a chair next to you while you explained to him the ingredients of a potion and how they balanced each other out. 

Since that day, he fell in love with your voice and often found ways to engage you in conversation so he could hear it again. 

Whenever he was having a bad day, he’d come and find you, engage you in conversation about the most mundane things, annoy you so you’d roll your eyes in that adorable way of yours and say “Mattheo, get lost,” with that cute little blush. 

He loved it when you blushed. He loved it even more when he was the cause of that pink tingle in your cheeks or the shy smile on your face. 

After two months since that first conversation in the common room, Mattheo gathered up the courage to ask you out. Honestly, he was fully prepared for you to say no since he knew you were not very comfortable around other people and letting someone in was a huge deal for you. 

So when you said yes, he was over the moon. He ran to his friends to tell them you said yes and started planning the perfect date. 

Mattheo wanted to take things slow with you so you’d never feel rushed or uncomfortable around him. 

You weren’t very comfortable with physical touch when you first met so he made sure to ease you into it. He’d always ask first before touching you anywhere, whether it’d be holding your hand or hugging you. He would always ask for consent and you would melt every time. 

A slight nod with a smile was always your response which made him grin. 

Until one day you said “Only yours to touch” and that day his heart actually stopped in his chest for a beat. Hearing you say that made him the happiest man alive cause he could say you were his. 

In crowded places, Mattheo would always be sure to keep a hand on you, whether that be an arm wrapped around your waist, a hand on the lower back, or fingers twined with yours. He would move his thumb in soothing circles, letting you know he was there and you didn’t need to feel uncomfortable.

One time, you and Mattheo were hanging out with his friends and this was the first time you were meeting them. Immediately having all their attention made you nervous and uncomfortable so you started scratching your thumb, a nervous habit. 

Mattheo instantly noticed, covering your hand with his. He brought your hands up to his lips and kissed them, then leaned in to whisper in your ear “We can leave if you want.” 

You said you did so Mattheo instantly made up an excuse for you to leave and the two of you spent the night cuddling in his bed. 

From the moment you became a part of Mattheo’s life, his friends saw a huge shift in his persona. How he seemed to be smiling a lot more, seemed a lot more empathetic. 

The most shocking part to them, however, was the way talking about you came so naturally to him. Like he could see something in a colour you like and he’d immediately be like “Y/n would love that!” or one time he saw Pansy reading a book for class that he saw you reading once and said, “If you need notes on that, Y/n has read it before, you should ask her. She’s crazy smart.”

[playboysaleen]

A Touch in the Dark. (J.O)

One-Shot

Jenna x GN!reader

Summary: Coming from a rough patch in your life, Joy; your close friend finds you an escape and takes you with her to Romania and introduces you to Jenna who is now your girlfriend of four years. Everything was perfect. You had the girl. You finally got to be seen in the music industry but what happens when the love of your life slips through your fingertips and you are stuck trying to move on?

'She was the touch that brought me out the dark."

Warnings: Im from the ghetto so- Violence, Guns, Cursing, Blood, Slight smut, heart break, fluff, gang violence, death, hella angst- all that juice lol.

Word Count: 7k<

Enjoy as i come out of my depressive episode lol.

I did include a song i've made/wrote. So i hope you enjoy that as well. (if you don't like it just keep on reading...)

-----------------------------------------

Rainy days were your favorite but today?

“No, you don’t have the damn right to ‘baby’ me after what I just witnessed with my own eyes.” You spat walking into your small shared house with the small girl hot on your heels behind you.

“Please, it wasn’t what it looked like.” She whispered, grabbing your wrist which you shoved away again. 

“Then tell me what it looked like- what i saw was you and Percy fucking kissing.” You hissed, grabbing the suitcase that sat in the corner of the coat rack. 

“I’m going through a-lot right now.” She cried out which caused you to stop shoving your clothing from your shared bedroom. You waited for her to make her way into the room but she stopped at the door with her eyes focused on her shoes. 

“I told you that you could come to me if there was something on your chest. We communicate, but you go to someone who is obvious on what the hell he wants with you.” mumbling the last few words you continued to shove a few shirts from the closet into the suitcase now. 

“What was so upsetting to you that made you let four years of our relationship go down the drain??” raising your voice now that the truth dawned on you. “Was it when I broke your favorite vase?” you pushed, grabbing a handful of your shirts that hung in the closet tossing them onto the bedroom floor. “Or the time I was home drunk when you missed our anniversary?” You grabbed a pair of shoes and threw them against the suitcase. From the corner of your eye, the small girl fumbled with her fingers now shaking in tears. 

“OR MAYBE that time I didn't take Zero out to use the restroom and he pissed on your Prada shoes that you were going to wear for the sudden meeting with Percy?” You grabbed your laptop bag tossing it onto the bed, 

“Or when-

“I DON”T KNOW IF I LOVE YOU ANYMORE”

You froze. The drumming of your heart could be heart miles away. The rain droplets hit the window as if they were mocking the way your eyes swelled with tears. You inhaled sharply trying your best to keep this mask on for as long as you can. Nodding, you grabbed your phone sending a quick message to the first person that popped in your mind and started packing everything into your suitcase. 

“Could you please just say something?” She pleaded through her cries. Ignoring her, you finished and made your way to the living room grabbing your guitar from your stand taking one last look at the small girl in front of you. 

“All I needed was communication and I would have understood, but here we are.” You laughed out the last few words as the tears started to mimic the rainfall that smacked harder against the roof. The smaller girl crashed into your arms, wrapping tight, afraid you'd disappear in a matter of seconds. Tilting your head up to the ceiling you swore you could see the memories of you two playing over and over. Gently grabbing her arms, you untangled yourself, keeping your eyes on the door. Should you leave? Should you stay and talk? Unfortunately, the little you on your left shoulder won. Grabbing the door handle, you swung the door open taking one last look at the girl that is now on her knees sobbing. 

“I wish this could be different, but I know deep down this would all be the same outcome…I’m sorry Jenna.” and with that you walked away. Closing a door you thought you’d never open again. 

Six Months Later

“Can you just shut the fuck up for one second?” You growled out slapping a hand over your eyes shielding the light coming from the window that your roommate opened. 

“Sorry dear, I cannot. Now get your ass in the studio and start on that song you gotta finish.” Joy spoke, pulling the blankets off your body then proceeding to clean up the liquor bottles from the floor. 

“I heard Wednesday is getting a Season 2.” You started, Joy turned to face you which you quickly waved your hand sending her a small smile. “It’s okay, luckily we stayed in Romania huh?” you added which a sigh of relief slipped her lips. A box was placed in front of you where you glanced at her expression. You quickly waved your finger at her shaking your head.

“No. Take it back.” You mumbled, hopping off the bed walking to your closet grabbing clothes then making your way to the bathroom pointing your finger at Joy once more. 

“Oh come on, it’s been six months. Not only is my team tired of talking to you through me…your fans miss you. Everyone still thinks you died even though I literally post with you everyday.” Joy pleaded, placing the box on your bed pointing back at you. You let out a loud dramatic groan closing the door, placing your hands against the edge of the sink. You stared at your reflection in the mirror, locking with the small scar that slightly hid behind the fresh ink along your chest. Running your left hand over the new tattoos you got a few weeks back that covered most of your neck, back, chest and arms. You were art. You are a masterpiece. Shaking out the memories that flooded your mind, you hopped into the shower starting your day. 

- - - - - - - - - - -

“The lyrics are amazing, just start from the top and for the love of god! Let me start the damn live!” Joy yelled from the other side of the studio. You sent her the finger then a thumbs up. The instrumental started to play in your headphones while you sent a glance at the screen that sat next to you showing the live stream of your fans going crazy. 

I gave what you wanted, 

Love and all my attention, 

But you broke me and strayed away.. 

“Babe! You won't believe what Percy pulled on Emma, funniest prank ever!” Jennas small voice was heard from the front door. You kept your eyes on the guitar strings that you quietly played letting her words echo to the back of your mind. 

“Why are you dressed?” She asked, stopping midway from the kitchen and living room. Your fingers stopped finally looking up at the small woman, you stood placing the instrument on its stand undoing your tie. You shook your head taking the small box from the table, shoving inside your pocket and placing the bouquet of roses on the coffee table. “I am glad you had a good time with the crew. I am going to wash up and call it a night. Goodnight and Happy Anniversary.” 

I heard from an acquaintance, 

That you lose all your patience,

And decided with him you’ll stay. 

“Y/n? Please tell me you’re here…” Joy yelled from the front door hearing her light footsteps running to your room. You laid your head against the wall as you hugged your knees. Joy bursted through the door finally catching your fatigue figure in the corner of your dimmed room. Arms were wrapped around you and you lost it. You let go. 

“It’s okay, let it out. You’re okay.” She whispered into your ear, your hands gripped her shirt tighter as your sobs grew louder. Your smashed phone flickered with the instagram post of Jenna in Percy's arms with the smile you knew too well. 

It was too late. You knew it was him all along. 

But your love, 

Hits me like a ray of pain.

And your love, 

Drowns me in vain like the waves.. 

No lifeboat, No vest. 

I have to love whatever of you I have left… 

And your love,

Drowns me in vain like the waves…

Finishing the song, you open your eyes to see Joy dancing around behind the glass which brought a smile to your face. You noticed a few unknown faces in the engineering room that you never saw before. You tapped the screen ending the live then making your way out the booth to Joy. 

“I didn’t know I would be performing for a crowd,” you joked, extending your hand out to one of the men that quickly copied your actions. You greeted each man then stood next to Joy. 

“The main guy you need to meet should be up here any second.” the man that wore a suit that screamed money spoke, sending you a warm smile. The door opened and when you turned your head to the new face you swore you saw a ghost. 

“You’re Y/n right? I heard so much about you from my girl Joy!” He smiled, you stood frozen processing the man standing in front of you. It was Brent fucking Faiyaz. You extended your hand which he laughed pulling you into a dap/hug. Pulling away, you glanced at joy toying with the engineering computer pointing at the booth which you smiled at.

“So, let's make some music shall we?” 

After a few hours of making a few beats, you gently spun on your chair humming melodies while Brent sat next to you nodding along to the beat that was playing. 

“Can you spit?” Brent spoke out cutting you from your thoughts, you laughed softly, “not really, i never-” Joy entered the studio with snacks sending you a look- “They can.” Brent laughed, pulling out his phone, sending a few more beats to the studio computer. 

“If you want me to be honest,-” you broke the silence standing up from your seat, Brent leaned back in his chair waiting as Joy sent you a small nod. “I don’t want to write my pain in one whole song, I want to throw a little in each one that I write. I want to express not only my side of what I went through but what I feel I was seen on the other…if that makes sense.” Brent's eyes widened and you swore you saw a light bulb go off on top of his head. He pressed his index finger on the space bar, dragging you along with him to the booth while the song started to play.

It ain't the time, for you to walk

If i won't let go

I can tell, that aint what you want

But it's like you can't let it show. 

Brent began to sing his lyrics while you closed your eyes, soaking in the lyrics, generating your own. After his lyrics came to an end, you started- 

Girl, i’ve tried again and again, 

To give you all of me, but you deny

“Girl that aint right” Brent harmonized with your voice which you rushed to the booth restarting your verse and starting where you left off. Brent took a seat next to you on the second mic nodding his way to joy which with no hesitation she pressed play. 

And i chose you, cause you’re all i need, 

And you chose that man, but that man aint me. 

So don’t call my phone, acting like you care

I done made my move, I know life aint fair. 

Brent started the chorus and you decided to harmonize and add your own ad-libs. Brent looked your way sending a thumbs up, you sent him a nod then turned your gaze to Joy which she again, was jumping around in the engineering room. You glanced at the Ipad on the stand to see the live stream going and one comment stood out-

“Whoever they’re singing about should be ready to see their face everywhere.” 

It was like that comment was true. Here you are two weeks later on a flight with Joy and with a last minute invitation; Letitia. Yes. Shuri- THE black panther. And yes, you did break your neck to look around to see if Michael was with her but to your luck he was not. You did get a DM from him a day later when you landed in LA. A small “My bad on not being able to join you guys on the LA vacay, I’ll try my best to see if i can make it. Best of luck bro!” 

Honesty? A DM? When you started he did reach out and you both talked for a bit before he was pulled for another movie. That was all you needed to realize that you are getting buzz. You are no longer a shadow. Hiding behind someone who welcomed all the shine, but the way you held onto Jenna made you feel like you were touching the sun. She was your star, but sometimes the sun can be harmful. You were burning but the warmth and abliss you felt from the pain had you blinded. 

“Okay you two, let's get the work out the way and we can make our way to the splurging.” You joked, making your way down the stairs of the jet Letitia happens to own. You opened the door for the women then followed behind them into the car. 

“So how does it feel to be in LA?” Joy asked, rolling her window down letting the dusk air run along her arm. Letitia nodded along with Joy, mindlessly scrolling through her TikTok. 

You hummed softly playing with your highschool ring then looking around at the scenery in awe. 

“This is actually my first time in LA.” Both pairs of eyes widen at your answer. 

“You never been to LA? What about New York?” You shook your head, 

“Just to Romania. Born and raised in Texas.” Letitia rolled her eyes leaning over to the driver showing him the new address which caused you to furrow your eyebrows. What are they up to?

“So, your first collaboration is actually here in LA and she just sent me the address.” You nodded, awaiting who it would be, “How do you feel about SZA?” Your eyes almost popped out of your head. Breathlessly laughing, you nodded again but with A LOT more energy. 

“For the love of god! Please don’t turn into a tomato!” 

Damn Joy. 

But a tomato you were. 

“Can you stop looking like you’re constipated?” Joy whispered to you. Looking up from your phone you sent her the bird but quickly shoving your hand into your jacket pocket when SZA walked into the studio. 

“I love your lyrics Y/N,” 

You only nodded, glancing at the two knuckleheads going back and forth while you sat against the high chair playing with the Audio chord. 

“Let's start then.” Whispering, SZA sent you a smile sending a nod to Joy as she pressed play. You shuffled to the side grabbing the other mic stand starting your verse,

I'll touch that fire for you

I do that three four times again, I testify for you

I told that lie, I'd kill that- mmmh..

You softly scoffed in the mic sending a shy smile to SZA continuing your verse. Joy eyed your body language as a small laugh made its way out her mouth. “They’re slowly coming back, it makes my heart happy that they finally get to express how they feel.” Letitia chuckled leaning against the desk glancing every now and then at the live stream that saw you and SZA nodding and swaying to the music. 

“So when are you going to tell them?” Letitia asked. Joy hummed, shaking her head, 

“Percy knows what he is doing and I am scared that he will try to get under their skin to get them to break.” Joy answered as she edited the EQ on your voice then glanced at Letitia. “They know. They just do not want to say anything. Y/n is still trying to open up about everything, so let's give them time.” Letitia nodded at her response, going back to listening to you and SZA. 

I do what all of them around you scared to do, I'm not

Long as you juggin' out here for me, I got it

Mobbin', schemin', lootin', hide your bodies

Long as you dreamin' 'bout me, ain't no problem

I don't got nobody, just with you right now

Tell the truth, I look better under you

Sza started her hook which caught you by surprise, a huge smile plastered on your face when she placed her hand on your arm. She closed her eyes, finishing the hook which did leave you blown away. She went and dived right into her verse and the hook again. 

In the droptop ride with you, I feel like Scarface (Scarface)

Like that white bitch with the bob, I'll be your main one (main one)

Let's take this argument back up to place

Sex remind you, I'm nonviolent, I'm your day one

We ain't had shit, yeah, it was magic, yeah

Smash and grab shit, yeah

Nasty habits take a hold when you not here

Ain't a home when you not here

Hard to grow when you not here, I'm sayin'

I can't lose when I'm with you

How can I snooze and miss the moment?

You just too important

Nobody do body like you do

I can't lose when I'm with you

How can I snooze and miss the moment?

You just too important

Nobody do body like you do, you do

You signaled Joy to keep the track going when a idea popped into your head, 

Main one ridin'

How you frontin' on me and I'm the main one tryin'?

How you blame it on me and you the main one lyin'?

How you threatenin' to leave and I'm the main one cryin'?

Just tryna be your everything

Main one ridin'

How you frontin' on me and I'm the main one tryin'?

How you blame it on me and you the main one lyin'?

How you threatenin' to leave and I'm the main one cryin'?

SZA leaned into the mic singing the hook. You nodded along adding faint back vocals which Joy was right on top of. Once the song ended you glanced at the Ipad noticing a comment that made a lump form in your throat. 

Jenna joined Y/n’s live? My life is complete.

SZA rammed into your body which to your instincts held her waist as she squealed swaying you both side to side. You laughed lightly pulling back locking eyes with SZA. “WE DID IT!” you nodded at her excited outburst. “We did, you were amazing.” now she was quiet looking between your eyes. 

“You have beautiful eyes, and your nose is cute and-” 

“Ohhhkay, SZA girl, you are a little too close to my lova!” Letitia spoke into the mic which caused SZA to shuffle back sending a playful glare at the two girls giggling. “Better cuff 'em now or I’m gonna have to take matters into my own hands!” SZA joked back that you stood frozen and for sure looking like a tomato. SZA looked back at you, satisfied with the reaction she got out of you. She leaned forward placing a kiss on your cheek walking out the booth. You glanced at the screen seeing too many hearts flying around. You chuckled, rubbing the back of your neck. 

“Please know my loves, my safe word is Pineapples and well… I'm really close to screaming Pina Colada.” Laughing emojis popped up and a name popped up with a blue check- 

Proud of you.

You hummed, eyeing the comment then moving back, making your way out the booth leaning against the desk next to Letitia. You whispered a ‘thanks’ to her which she lightly bumped her shoulder against yours nodding. “You know I got you.” 

“Alright, let's see their engineering skills Joy!” SZA hollered from the far end of the studio. She laid on the couch typing her way on her phone. You took a few steps into the studio grabbing the guitar playing a few chords. Why was she on your live? It's been months since you’ve spoken to her and you can’t shake this fire feeling in your chest that comes around when she's mentioned. Was it resentment? Anger? Unbagged feelings? 

“You just finished a song and you're already making another?” Letitia's voice brought you back from your thoughts when she took a seat next to you. Shrugging your shoulders, you continued to play the chords whispering a few lyrics. 

“She was my source of happiness and now that she is gone? This is all I have left.” You answered by playing a few more chords then placing the guitar next to you. You leaned your head on Leititas shoulder sighing softly. “Are you ready for tonight?” She whispered back, you nodded sliding your phone out your pocket answering Micheal back from his simple ‘WYD’ DM. 

“I invited my two homies in case anything pops off, they can handle it.” Leitia playfully scoffed, bumping your shoulder. “I don’t think anything will go in that route tonight, I forget how you grew up; Jenna really took you out the hood huh?” You huffed rolling your eyes as a small smile crept onto your face. 

“It was a nightmare, but here we are. Oh, Rome and Jay are on the way to the AirBnb. Let's scoop them up and we’ll go on that shopping spree I promised.” Letitia snorted, hopping up pulling you with her. You both made your way out the booth into the studio joining in on Joy’s and SZA conversation. 

*time skip*

“You take longer than a whole female bro.” Jay gasped, dramatically placed his hand on his chest. Romeo snorted, draping his arm over your shoulder placing all his weight onto you which caused the both of you to fall over the couch. “Get. off.” Laughing loudly, you rolled away from the boy mirroring your actions falling into a boxing stance. 

“I don’t see why you even try, they in that southpaw stance. You gonna get fu-” Jays words were shoved right back in his mouth when Rome hunched over holding his stomach. You hopped around smirking at the boy below you trying to catch his breath. 

“Should have listened to Jay.” You giggled when Rome rushed your way but missed terribly when you dodged his action sending him into the arm of the couch. 

“Alright you animals, let's go.” Joy yelled from upstairs coming down with Letitia by her side. Jay leaned against the bar flashing his pearly whites, “Have I told you that our kids will be the most beautiful mixed kids on this planet?” Joy rolled her eyes passing the tall boy as you sent a smack towards the boy's head. You all giggled heading down to the rental car. 

*Time Skip*

You casually lean back on the comfortable seat watching Joy and Letitia try on different clothing. Jay and Rome both were sprawled out on the bigger couch in the corner, Joy giggled at something Letitia whispered which you mindlessly ignored and kept aware of your surroundings. 

“If you don’t relax and come try on this outfit i swear.” Joy spoke which snapped you out of your thoughts. Shrugging your shoulders, you went back to eyeing the patterns on the wall. Jay eyed your body language while Rome laid his head against Jay snoring softly. 

“Y/m/n.” Joy warned. Rome jumped out of his sleep searching for the voice when he saw you sink deeper into your chair. Jay snorted, shaking his head. “She is middle naming you now, I think you should try it on.” You rolled your eyes,hopping out your seat walking to the dressing room trying on the outfit. Sighing at your reflection, you walked out awaiting for the girl's answers. 

“Yea, no. Take it off.” Joy mumbled eyeing the pants you wore. You dragged your feet back into the dressing room changing into your regular clothes. A voice was heard outside the door which you quickly buttoned up your jeans peeking your head out the door. A bright smile plastered your face when you saw who it was. 

“What's up homie!” jogging to the man, you pulled him into a hug laughing softly. “Micheal B Jordan! Who knew he would come kick it with a youngin.” he laughed holding his hands up, “I see potential and your vibe is amazing, need you around homie!” You playfully scoffed, shaking your head pulling him in for another hug. 

“Since you are here, get this flea a fit before I lose my mind.” Joy joked pushing you both out the dressing room area out the store. Micheal said his ‘hellos’ to Jay and Rome then threw his arm over your shoulder. 

“We gon’ give them something to look at.” MB jokes, dragging you out of the store and down the street into a streetwear store. A smile crept on your face when you see the shoes come into view. “Now this is me.” 

*SkipTime*

It was way more better shopping with the guys and no, not meaning the girls were annoying it was more of a get in and out gameplay. Jay hummed at your outfit as you walked out your bedroom, “You look like you’re about to go steal a lot of wives” You snorted at his comment fixing your collar to your thin shirt. You shook your foot feeling the tightness of the dress shoe which you were growing to dislike. MB noticed your expression tossing you the bag you bought earlier. 

“Wear the forces, it’ll complete the look then fit with your style.” Placing on the shoes, Rome came down stairs from your guest bedroom leaning against the rail. “Damn, who mama we takin’ tonight?” Jay snorted lobbing the football to Rome which to my surprise caught from upstairs. 

​​

Grabbing the small box from the duffle bag, you opened the box grabbing the watch that caused a lump to form in your throat. Examining the gold watch, your finger ran over the engraved name that you never thought you would come close to again. Placing on the watch you grabbed the cologne bottle spraying it onto your neck and wrist. 

“You never told me the name of that panty droppa” Jay joked walking past you towards the bar grabbing the keys twirling them towards MB. Jay tossed the keys to MB who quickly caught it sending a playful wink your way. You scoffed bumping your shoulder against his, 

“Do not get fruity on me baby boy.” MB made a face while Rome wrapped his arm around the taller man following you out the Airbnb. “But-” Jay lifted his hand shaking his head, “It’s what we deal with, don’t even try bro.” You let out a giggle opening the backseat door for Rome sending him a dashing smile. 

“For you my love” Rome placed a hand over his chest then playfully fanned his face. “What a gentleman!” You sent a fist into his shoulder which sent him stumbling into the backseat. Taking a seat in the passenger side you looked towards MB sending a small smile. 

“Now lets see how this goes”

The ride was pretty eventful with the three boys. Singing, well, horribly. Heated debates and very funny remarks. MB reminded you of one of your close cousins you grew up with back home. Unfortunately, you lost him to gun violence but Micheal was a spitting image of him. Personality and all, so it brought you instant peace once you started getting back in touch with him again. Jay aka Jaime was your ‘almost’ adopted brother; grew up with you since elementary. From standing up to the snot heads in 4th grade for you to running from the laws right by your side. He was with you through it all, he never let one disrespect you or look at you the wrong way. Romeo was your best friend. Rome is what you called him since you loved to make fun of his clumsiness, he’s always leaning before he falls. He always looked up to you. The way you could ‘hold your head high when your life was crashing down’ is what he says to you the moment he gets the call about the breakup. Now that boy can keep you and Jay on your toes. Very. VERY. hard headed. Remember the sweet moment from 4th grade with Jay then the marathon with the laws? 

“Wake the fuck up!” Jay yelled barging into your room going through your closet. Jumping out of your sleep, you snapped your head to your brother tossing a hoodie into your face. You slipped on the piece of clothing then slipped on your shoes. 

“Talk to me. What happened?” Jay huffed, grabbing the backpack you knew too well. You groaned, grabbing the end of the mattress, lifting and letting Jay grab the firearm that laid underneath the suit you placed on top. A small voice screamed for you to not do this but hey, you knew you had to do what you had to do. You followed behind Jay out the door, hopping in his car driving to the location. 

“What the dingo do now?” you asked. Jay did not respond when you knew the answer when the street sign caught your eye. He didn’t even get the chance to place the car in park when you sprung out sprinting into the alley. Three hooded figures sent kicks and blows into the person curled up on the floor. Using all the power in your arm, you sent a fist into one of the men knocking him down. Jay was right behind you throwing jabs at another, grabbing the pipe that laid against the wall you swung hitting the boy (his hood now off his head) in the shoulder. 

“Tell Carlos he got some balls sending people to come fuck with us.” You growled, grabbing the other person, shoving him into the ground. Jay knocked the last boy into the wall which sent him limping to his crew. One of the boys sent you a smile, blood coating his teeth. 

“Carlos just wanted to send his condolences, he was aiming for a close casket.” Once those words slipped his mouth Rome was quick to grab the hand that was already reaching into your waistband. Jay used his own pistol, sending shots near their feet that sent them running for the hills. Tears pricked your eyes as the words kept playing in your head. Lights flashed in your peripheral that caused the three of you to start sprinting to the car. You pushed Rome in the direction of the car. 

“GO. They won't know it's you, meet us at home.” Rome sighed at your command but was quick to catch the keys from Jay driving off. You looked at Jay sending him a sad smile. 

“Still remember the way?” You asked Jay jogging down the alley

“Like it was yesterday.”

Stepping out of the vehicle you noticed a lot of paparazzis front of the restaurant/bar. Grabbing the shades from your pocket you mentally prepared yourself for the shouting for the man next to you. 

“Bliss!”

“Over Bliss!”                   “Looking good Y/N!” 

Your eyes widen at the multiple calls of your name when MB laughed softly, 

“Since when did I get clout?” completely in shock, you started making your way up the stairway but not forgetting to flash a smile to the cameras. Jay snorted, patting your back then striking a pose with you, “You were all over shaderoom with SZA '' ahhh, that's what it was. Probably some rumors about you both being together. Well she was beautiful but realistically speaking, you could NOT handle all that… beauty. Yeah. Beauty. Laughing out loud at the thought you reached the last step watching the door being opened for you by Rome. 

“Bliss! Were you involved with the altercation with Jenna and Percy?” 

You planted your feet, snapping your head to the voice that caused your body to go into autopilot. You walked to the voice standing in front of the man. Jay missed your arm by an inch trying his best to pull you back. 

“What happened?” 

The older man's eyes widen at the fact that you were in front of him awaiting for a answer, “Last night there is footage of them two arguing and Percy looked to be a little up close and personal with Jenna and-” he did not even get to finish, you were already making your way inside to the huge table in the back to sat all the faces you knew too well but one stood out. Jenna's eyes caught your heated figure and immediately stood from her chair to stop you. Joy began to panic knowing the look on your face but before you could reach the table MB, Jay and Rome were pushing you into the doors of the huge area for the restrooms. 

“Hey! You are not thinking right now. Calm down.” MB was the first to speak as Jay had you trapped between him and the wall. Rome was keeping watch at the door making sure no one came in. You couldn't help but dig your fingernails into your palms trying your best to keep your past actions inside. 

“I just want to talk to him.” you breathed out trying to squeeze your way out of Jay’s hold to only be shoved once again into the wall. 

“This is what he wants Y/n. To ruin your image. Be smart on this.” Rome spoke, shaking his head at the window at the door shoo’ing off the person attempting to walk in. You took a deep breath realizing the truth. You can't go out like this. This is what she wanted. That is not your concern anymore. She is not yours and you are not hers. You nodded, taking a few breaths but hissed at the stinging in your hand. Jay huffed yet chuckled, grabbing the napkins that were displayed in the area and applied it to your hand. 

“Old habit huh.” you smiled fixing your collar then nodding at MB and the duo. Jay sighed sending a small smile your way starting his way out the doors. MB patted your shoulder slightly pushing you out the doors. “I really wanted to get some hits on this fine Friday evening.” Rome mumbled which you snorted, slapping the back of his head. Making your way to the table, Letitia was the first to stand bringing you into a hug. 

“You good?” Her muffled question only made you nod patting her back. Moving away, you gave everyone a smile and a simple ‘Hey’ which Emma was quick to dash out her seat jumping into your arms. “Oh how i have missed you!” She fake cried squeezing her thighs around your waist that sent a loud yelp out your mouth. Joy was quick to pull her off at the sudden touch that was quick to spark your anxiety. 

“Woah, now you look good.” Georgie commented, making his way to your side bringing you into a hug. You wrapped your arms around him, tightening your hold, he was your right hand when you went to visit Jenna on set. If Jenna was out with her girls or Percy, He’d come over or you would be in his living room playing Call of Duty Online while he sat in his gaming room streaming with you. He noticed the change in Percy and Jenna when everything was starting to go downhill. He was the first to bring it to your attention but being so in love with the girl, you ignored it. Maybe being secure makes you an easy target to take for granted. 

“You've been working out?” Georgie asked wrapping his hand around your inner bicep squeezing that sent a shock into your side that made you flinch sending a light punch into his arm laughing softly. The man sent out a small yelp holding his arm mumbling, “oh yeah, you have.” You moved down the line till you came to a face that you knew too well and no, it was not Jenna. 

“Going ghost is what you do now huh?” Johnna spoke, pulling you into a very tight hug. Patting her back, you gently pulled away and sent her a small smile. “Just needed to get away from the world.” She only nodded, keeping her eyes locked into yours. See, the thing with Johnna was she had her eyes on you along with Jenna when you came around. You were a friend of Joy’s when she dragged you to Romania after the behavior change you had once you lost your cousin. That was 4 years ago, but as you can tell Jenna won your heart and Johnna became the scout on the sidelines just waiting her turn. ‘A benchwarmer’ is what Rome said when he literally saw her watching you like a hawk in the distance. Jay cleared his throat allowing you to finally pull away from her hold taking a seat next to Joy. The gods above are probably laughing their asses off on how the seating was at the long table. Looking up to grab the menu a familiar ring came into your view. 

“Hi.” Jenna breathed out, your eyes widened at her voice quickly averting your gaze to look over at the boy sitting next to her which you regretted when he sent a smirk your way and placed a small peck onto Jennas cheek. 

“Hey.” Was all you said as you grumbled profanities, an idea popped in your head; glancing at Jay which he already caught your drift whispering in Johnna’s ear as she quickly switched seats with him and sent you a very bright smile leaning into your side. Most of the time you’d catch Jenna sneaking glances your way when you’d crack a joke and Johnna would laugh pretty loud. You did pull a dick move when you wiped the smudge lipstick on the side of her lip with your thumb, that seemed to catch Rome’s attention that caused him to choke on his drink. 

The main dishes arrived and everyone got to digging in and continuing to catch up on whatever they left off on. To your luck, your social battery was draining and the anxiety you hated so much decided to toy with you. You lifted your hand to grab the condiment yet it slipped from your sweaty palm, fell onto the plate and some landed on your shirt; Now that spiked your anxiety. The shakiness in your hands increased as you went to run your hand through your hair. Jay noticed when you quickly dismissed yourself from the table wobbling to the restroom. 

“Stupid fucking shit!” You mumbled out attempting to clean out the stain on your shirt and pants. The stain seemed to be getting worse which was now ticking at your anger, 

“You never had much patience with cleaning.” Your head shot up to the voice then snapped back to the stain cleaning it. Jenna took a few steps towards you which you stepped back shaking your head. 

“Please, let me.” your hands dropped to your side while she stood in front of you with a small cloth. 

“Dab. Don’t wipe.” You couldn’t stop the roll of your eyes. Of course she’d say that. She was never home but when she was mad she would power clean the whole damn house. You felt pressure near your lower area which you caught her hand but couldn't stop the grunt that fell from your lips. 

“Stop. I got it.” She took a small step back watching your movements but noticed the shaking in your hands. “Breathe.” She whispered but was only an echo in the back of your mind. Shaking your head, the room started to shrink which was not helping at all. Jenna knew these attacks too well when she gently placed her hands on the sides of your face locking her gaze into yours. Everything stopped. The voices. The noises. The pain. Oh how bad have you been hurting since you left her side. 

“I love you.” 

That was all that could be said. You loved her. You missed her. You needed her. It only came out as a whisper but to her, it sounded like you screamed from the top of your lungs. 

“And I love you.” 

Hearing her words an instant image of Percy popped in your head which you flinched away, moving as far as you possibly could. No. She doesn't love you. Not as much as you do. God, how you missed her. Her simple yet fancy attire really brought out the success she has done. She looked down nodding her head, “I know.” 

“Do you love him?” She was quick on her toes blurting out a ‘no’ and you were back putty in her hands again. 

“Being away from you for so long made me realize that I am deeply in love with you and I can't live without you.” she whispered again slowly pulling you closer. The height difference was very noticeable when you had to look down at the girl whose head was almost laid on your chest. 

“In love or scared of being alone?” Now that caught her off guard, she looked up to see the tired look in your eyes. She knew there were still nights you dreamed of losing your cousin and to make things a tad worse, you lost her. She knew you were in a war with your old self, trying to stay afloat. 

A knock on the door echoed through the restroom and a voice you grew to dislike caused you to move away from Jenna. “Jen? You okay?” Percy asked through the door. Jenna sighed replying with a ‘yes’ which you rolled your eyes fixing the belt on your jeans. 

The doors opened revealing Percy. Jenna’s eyes widened at the actions he's done when you were quick on your toes walking towards him. “You’re not supposed to be in here.” a smirk visible on his face, your height was a bit shorter but you’ve taken on men twice his size. He’ll be a simple sleeper. 

“Like you’re welcomed in here.” 

Jenna’s eyes almost popped out her sockets when you only chuckled, running your tongue over your top teeth. Looking at the boy sending him a small tight lipped smile but Jenna was quick to step between the two of you pushing Percy out the restroom. 

“Get your man Marie, or my crew will.” Jenna nodded quickly but Percy opened the door wide sending you one last look that you wanted to swipe off his damn face. 

“Jen, make sure your dog is tamed.” You turned, grabbing the wash cloth from the sink, running it under the water. Knuckles white, you were hoping the boys knew you were gone for a while, coming to the rescue. 

“Put a leash on that street mutt while you’re at it.” Jenna turned to Percy instantly shoving him back at his choice of words but it was too late. You had enough. 

Walking to the boy, not caring the smaller girl was between you two, you wrapped the damped towel around your knuckles sending a fist into his nose. The boy stumbled back out the doors landing on his back. Jay and Rome were quick on sprinting to the scene, grabbing you off the boy. Percy took his chance when you were struggling against Rome, he jumped up and cocked his arm back connecting his fist to your jaw. 

“You should let me go now.” You warned Rome and he released his hold from your shirt when you sprung towards the boy sending multiple jabs to his face. Letting the last punch be a reminder to not fuck with you, his body folded dropping onto the table everyone was sat at. See, simple sleeper. Gasps fell from the people's mouth when you sprung once more at the boy, but this time Jenna stood in front of you with her hands on your chest. 

“Stop, please.” 

The adrenaline faded instantly once you came to your senses. Jenna had tears in her eyes, MB was holding Rome against a wall trying to calm him down, Jay had his hand on your shoulder speaking to you but his voice was miles away. Johnna held a look in her eye, it was maybe arousal? Letitia seemed disappointed but nodded at the result. and Joy? She held a look of relief. Maybe he needed a reality check and you were the one to give it to him. Finally locking eyes with the girl in front of you, you sent a painful chuckle her way. 

“And here I thought you’d find someone better than me,” Jenna sent a look you couldn’t quite dissect when Jay finally tapped your shoulder. 

“We gotta go. MB got the whip out back.” You nodded leaning back, making your way out the back door. Letitia and Joy made their way by your side walking through the kitchen. 

“I’m sorry it has to come to this.” was all you could say. Joy scooped up a frozen pack of vegetables that laid on the board, placing it against your jaw. The SUV came into view when you slid into the front seat keeping your eyes locked on the dashboard in front of you. 

“If you all are going to scold me for breaking, save it.” You mumbled feeling a warm stream of blood drip from your lip. Quickly wiping it off with the end of your shirt, Joy snorted which caused you to turn your head in her direction to meet everyone with proud smirks on their faces. 

“I am not mad. Letitia?” Letitia shook her head, “I think Rome shouldn’t have grabbed you in the first place.” MB snorted tapping you on the shoulder, you rolled your eyes trying your best to contain the small tugging the corner of your lips. 

“Do not be mad, but you are not going back to the bnb.” MB mumbled, your eyebrows furrowed when a gate you knew too well. The huge metal gates opened when your door was opened by a man in a black suit. Leaning against the door, you mumbled to the man- “Just tell her I fell out the car a few miles back.” He only smiled shaking his head, 

“I would if I could, but she's watching the cameras as we speak. She will be arriving here shortly.” You could only groan and drag your feet up the driveway. 

“We don’t need any babies in the house anytime soon-” Jay shouted from the back window while you were quick to toss the melting bag at the boy's head which sent a ‘oof’ out his mouth. The car howled in laughter as they drove off into the night. Sighing, you reached her door by putting in the code. Stepping into her large entrance, you made your way to the kitchen opening the fridge grabbing a water bottle. hopping onto the island you looked around her kitchen to see everything was still the same from the last time you were here. Maybe from her being in Romania and filming Beetlejuice or Scream. Sliding off the island and tossing the empty water bottle into the recycle bin you walked up the stairs to a room you knew too well. 

“Damn Jenna,” you whispered, turning on the Neon sign that illuminated the entire room. You hummed and smiled when the sound echoed throughout the room. You walked to the small desk that still held your laptop taking a seat. Logging in, your last mix was still open and untouched from the last time you were in here and that was maybe a year ago. The song was complete but you felt like it deserved a slower version. Pressing play, you started your journey on changing the tempo, tune and even adding chops. What you didn’t notice after a good thirty minutes was a silhouette of the girl leaning against the door lost in your zone. Nodding your head at your results, moving your fingers with the beat and singing along. 

“You were always stuck on that song.” she finally spoke which caused you to snort softly nodding. You started the song back to mix and save the song cause who were you to pull a rookie mistake. 

“Wasn’t my type of vibe at the time, but i finished it.” you started turning to face her, “You always wondered who i was writing about, it was about you when i first saw you.” Jenna smiled your way, opening the door wider, letting the hallway light shine onto your face. Her smile fell when she noticed the dried blood on your shirt and the cut on your lip still bleeding. You stood on your feet walking out the room into her bedroom heading straight to her master bath. Plotting down on the toilet with Jenna already grabbing the first aid kit, you hummed quietly awaiting for the war you knew was about to start. 

“George told me that you broke his nose and he needed stitches for his eyebrow” she started grabbing the gauze placing it onto the top of the alcohol bottle. You turned your gaze from her actions scoffing loudly. “That's not enough.” she shook her head applying the cloth onto your lip which did cause you to flinch back. A loud sound rang through the bathroom when your elbow rammed into the toilet top. A growl bubbled your throat when you looked up through your lashes to see Jenna placing a hand on her hip watching the sight in front of her. 

“You didn’t warn me.” A hand was placed on your thigh which you grumbled spreading your legs slightly open so the girl could step in between. 

“You should be used to this by now.” She was right. You should be but you werent. Jenna met you at a bad time in your life. The late nights where you appeared at her doorstep with the sound of the constant ‘no’s’ you mumbled and bloodied clothes that were indeed yours. Broken ribs, black eyes, concussions and you promised her to not take you to the hospital. To this day, she's kept it. After applying a damp rag on your jaw, Jenna moved to grab the small can of ointment to place on your lip. Standing up, you leaned against the sink watching her movements. 

“I heard about the argument from some camera head.” Jenna hummed, keeping her eyes strained on the ointment. She shook her head but the way she was at peace caused you to lean closer towards her. “You don't deserve that Marie.” you continued, placing your shaking hand onto hers. She looked up to see your hooded eyes. 

“Then what do I deserve?” she whispered when your free hand ghosted over her hip. You shrugged, sending her a playful smirk. 

“A bliss.” 

“Oh really?” She teased. You nodded towering over her, the ointment was long gone from the both minds that only craved one thing. 

“I-”

Her lips smashed against yours, with a force that caused your backside to hit the sink. You wrapped your arms around her waist pulling her closer. So close you could feel her body molding into yours. You pulled away when your chest felt very tight, shaking your head leaning your body back against the sink. 

“We going too fast now” You whispered, placing everything back into the first aid kit. Her chest heaving from the heavy breathing, she agreed with a nod walking into her room disappearing in her huge closet. You awkwardly stood in the middle of her room not knowing what to do. She walked back out with a set of clothes that were yours, you sent her a small smile grabbing the clothes from her hands walking back into the restroom. You turned on the shower then you were back in front of the mirror with your head in your hands. Removing your shirt, you noticed there was more dried and fresh blood streaming down your side. Grumbling, you turned towards the side trying to see where the blood came from but to your luck, you couldn't see shit. 

“You’re bleeding.” Jenna spoke again, you nodded still trying to see where the bleeding was from but she could. Grabbing the rag from the sink and placing it onto your back, a satisfied sigh slipped from your lips. Her fingers ran along your back and sides causing your knuckles to turn white from gripping the counter a little too hard. 

“It should stop when you shower, let me get you a towel.” Before she could walk away you grabbed her hand bringing her back to you. “I just want to say thank you…for you know helping me and not seeing me as the bad guy.” there was a small spark in her eyes which caused everything to go dark around her. The spark you saw when she first stood this close to you when she caught you playing a pick up game with your crew after she came home for a short vacation. 

“Aye Bliss, ain't that yo girl?” Rome shouted from down the court while you were trying to get out of this weak ass lock up from Pedro. You glanced to see the small girl taking a seat on the bleachers with a small smile on her face. Two tall buff men sat next to her when all you could do was smirk. “Come on B, you ball hogging.” Pedro mumbled reaching in to steal the ball, you moved the ball to your free hand leaving him in the dust. You did a no-look-pass towards Jaime letting him drop a dime. Sending a cocky smile you pushed his buttons, “I see you missed your appointment with Dr.D since them ankles keep breaking.” Everyone laughed but then ran your way when Pedro pushed you with force causing you to fall on your back. Quickly hopping back up with Rome wrapping his arms around you moving you away from the scene.  

“Go with yo girl brah” you laughed as he pushed you her way. Fixing your necklace and sending her that billion dollar smile. “What’s good mama!” She jumped into your arms as you held her close. She wore a mask and hoodie on so no one couldn’t tell who she was but the two men gave it away for you and the crew. ‘We know it’s yo girl with all that security she got’ is what your boys would say when you would get that ‘i’m outside’ the first time you both started seeing each other. You brought her back down to her feet with your hands still on her waist. Her eyes held a spark that made your heart pick up speed. 

“I missed you.” she whispered still with her eyes locked on yours. You both didn’t dare move a muscle, you could see the things she wanted to say in her eyes. It’s like the sun knew how you both felt when it hit just right in her eyes. “And I missed you. Pull down the mask and give me a kiss, ain't nobody watching.” She let out a small giggle doing what you told and smashed her lips into yours. 

“Mane y'all take that lovey dovey shit somewhere else!” one of the players shouted when you only laughed into the kiss pulling her closer. 

It was very hard to keep your feelings at bay when the girl you loved more than words could explain when she was in your arms giving you the look that made you change to who you are today. You let her go grab the towel as you removed your pants so you were left in your sports bra and briefs. She came back and handed you a towel when she stood eyeing the new ink on your skin. 

“You finally got the ink you always wanted huh?” she started as you ran your hand under the water humming when the water was just right. “Yeah, I still have my sides to do but you know.” you answered, Jenna leaned against the door frame again chuckling softly. 

“You got time.” Your smile fell when the cries of your aunt echoed in your ears. “Time is something we take for granted. This life I live? I don’t have time, I could go any second due to the life I lived.” You spoke, grabbing the towel and placing it onto the toilet top. “That is why I spent every moment with you like it was my last. The thought of leaving this earth with us not on good terms will literally crush me even in the afterlife.” Finally looking up at the girl in front of you, tears brimmed her eyes as she moved closer wrapping her arms around your waist and burying her face into your chest. 

“You gave me the world and I still put you through so much. I wanted to take you from a place that caused you pain and here I am feeding more into it.” She spoke into your chest. Sighing, you pulled away looking down at her. 

“Let me ask you something.” You started, pulling away letting her hop on the sink awaiting your question. “What did he give you that I couldn’t?” 

“I was waiting for a time to tell you this. All those years I kept you hidden from the world that I couldn’t take you anywhere I went. It was draining not having you with me that I decided that it was time to tell the world that you were my person.” She started. You noticed it was going to take a turn when she started playing with her bracelet. “I went to my team to let them know and it went downhill. Most were fine with my decision- hell my manager was happy about it but my PR manager was furious. He wanted me to be with Percy since you were not good for my image. So I spent more time with Percy and I was blinded by wanting to get the stunt over with that being away from you made him seem like someone I could fall into.” You nodded and leaned against the wall keeping your eyes locked on the sliding glass that began to fog up from the hot water. 

“Why did you kiss him?” You whispered, preparing for the worst. You wanted an explanation and even if it was months since everything happened you wanted answers. This girl was your everything and finding out all this information made guilt engulf you whole. 

“He kissed me. A few hours before…” She motioned her hand between you two. “Everything happened, I was in a meeting and they wanted to do a stunt that involved a kiss. I hated it. I denied it so I was on the way to go see you when Emma stopped me and it was like the world wanted me to sink in a hole. Percy got word before I did and being the prick he is…He gave me a hug and kissed me.” a short breath darted out your nose. You looked to meet her eyes when all you saw were tears. 

“He knew you were there. Everything was crashing at once. I tried to explain and I admit that I said things I didn’t mean but the moment you walked out that door I realized I lost the most important person in my life. I lost my light.” She finished looking up from her hands to meet your gaze. 

“I went back home when I left.” Her eyes widened when you whispered your confession. “I went to go see my family, and if the world wanted to kill me…not only did I lose my cousin who was like a brother to me,” You stopped trying to swallow the lump in your throat. “I lost my Aunt two weeks after I got back. I fell into this dark place for a few weeks. I went to see Marcos.” Jenna whispered a ‘no’ when that name flew out your mouth. “I did some things that still haunt me at night because I was hurt. Alone. I decided to come back after being there for a good month and Joy took me in and I’ve been trying to pick myself back up since.” 

“I wanted a life with you. A family. I respected your decision with your privacy because at the end of the day I was the one you came home to. Jenna, I felt so lost when everything happened and all we needed to do was communicate.” You finished wiping the single tear that slipped down your cheek. 

“Would you leave if I asked you, could we try this again?” Jenna whispered. Due to the steam now filling the room you could barely see the small girls frown. You took a step closer. “Would you leave if I told you to give me a hundred dollars and you get a deal?” A laugh flew out the girls mouth at your humor when you moved to the switch to turn on the vent. Her hand was placed on yours stopping you, her free hand cupped your cheek and once you saw the look in her eyes you leaned in placing your lips against hers. 

Your lips moved in sync as if both were made for one another. The fireworks that no longer felt like bombs you ran from but the pure feeling of relief you searched for in the last six months. The force of anticipation in the girl in front of you caused your back to hit the wall but the warm water sent a gasp out your mouth and a giggle out of hers.

That didn’t matter after a few seconds when Jenna's hands went to her soaked shirt, removing it. Clothes were discarded and lips were placed in places you both desired. You craved her as if she was the cool hidden sanctuary in the hot scorching desert. She craved you as if you were the nectar from the flower that only grew in a place that no one could reach in this cruel world. You both craved each other in this asylum you all call home. Scientists say the earth is seventy one percent water but all the water you need to quench the thirst of happiness is right in front of you…dropping onto her knees. 

***

After a few hours of reuniting in your words, your head rested against Jennas pillow as her head laid against your chest humming softly. You sighed running your fingers through her hair, 

“So what now?” 

Jennas head lifted, her eyes staring into yours, she placed a chaste kiss onto your lips drawing shapes onto your cheek, 

“Well, if you are up for it…I am actually on a two week break as of right now. We can head to the office for a meeting and let them know.” Your eyes widen. She was serious. She wanted the world to know you were hers and she was yours. Years of wanting to make this woman your everything with a rock in your hand but this? This felt like she wanted to do it. You nodded, wrapping your arm around her, bringing her more into your embrace. 

“Okay. We can do that.” 

Jenna hummed once more, placing her head back onto your bare chest as you leaned over grabbing your phone on the nightstand. Squinting your eyes at the brightness of your phone, multiple notifications of your crew popped on the screen. Clicking on your recent missed call, ringing was heard throughout the room when you placed it on speaker. 

“Yeeeeeeoooo” Jay sang through the phone. 

“Yo, did you guys make it back safe?” there was static but a voice in the background caused you to roll your eyes. 

“Gone head cashapp me that bill will ya? They made about four babies since it's been a good four hours.” Romeo slang out, 

“I told you Jenna was their light.” Joy spoke in the background and a lot of ‘ohhs’ boomed from the phone. You looked down at the girl sending her a warm smile. 

“She was my touch in the dark.” 

[nicole-timey-wimey-stuff]

It’s always been you

Dbf Negan x fem reader

Part 1 of 2

I’m really feeling the dad’s best friend Negan atm, I really like writing him in this AU.

Synopsis-NO OUTBREAK AU

Developing a crush on your dads best friend as a teenager, slowly morphs into something deeper as you grow up. When your an adult yourself he becomes a best friend to you too, one you take comfort from whenever your husband upsets you. When lines blur and feelings arise you’ll either burn your life to the ground, or you’ll get everything you’ve ever wanted since you were 17.

Warnings- Dads best friend, Large age gap, feelings, hurt, comfort, infidelity, confessions, smut, 18+ only, P in V, unprotected sex, emotional cheating (not from Negan), I made Negan’s mean ex wife an OC because I couldn’t do that to Lucille, my terrible writing as always. Negan’s character is based more on season 11 Negan, in the walking dead.

Was meant to be a one shot but as always I ran away with it so there will be a part 2.

Word count - 6.8K

_______________________________________

Negan, your dads closest friend came into your life when you were just 17 years old. Your family had moved across states from the bustling city of Chicago to Vermont New England. It had been quite a challenge for you at the time, being a teenager and in your final couple of years of school. In that moment it had felt like the end of the world, leaving all your friends behind and going from city life to country living. You’d hated your parents originally, but over time you realised they were only doing what they felt was best for you. The job your dad was offered was more money and it came with great perks, and the house they could afford here was four times the size of the apartment you had in Chicago.

So in time you settled in, your new neighbours were lovely too. The couple to the left of you were an elderly couple who had their children and grandchildren come over every weekend. They always offered you and your little brother home baked treats, as well as inviting you over to play with their own grandkids. At 17 you always politely declined but your little brother would usually go over, as they had a grandson a similar age.

Then to the right of you there were the Smith’s, Negan and his wife Rebecca lived in a three bed detached house, even though it was only themselves and their dog living there. Both clearly in their late 30’s they hadn’t had any children of their own. Negan became fast friends with your dad, always inviting each other over for beers and game nights. He become a constant visitor in your home, his wife on the other hand always stayed home even when she was invited by your mother.

They seemed to have a somewhat estranged relationship, they were always fighting which usually lead to her getting into her car and storming off down the road, not to be seen again until the next day. Negan would then come outside and sit on his porch lighting up a cigarette, this is when you would come over to talk with him.

Talking with Negan had always been easy, when you think back to your teenage days where you would have long in depth conversation with him, and make corny jokes to get him to smile again.

“Why did the waiter give the pony a glass of water?” You ask Negan in giggles, “I don’t know kid why?” He replies, “Because he was a little horse” you laugh, watching him laugh with you was the highlight of your weeks, “God kiddo that was terrible” he groans “Hey! You laughed” you tease, he just grins at you. Job accomplished, he was now smiling again, and it always caused butterflies to erupt in you stomach that you were the one who made it happen.

His wife was a piece of work though, she expected a lot, Negan had worked himself into the ground to provide her with the life she said she wanted, but she never seemed thankful. Any small thing he did would be brought up again and thrown in his face, and they weren’t even that bad, he accidentally broke her mother’s plate, or he forgot to collect the dry cleaning. It was as if Rebecca wanted to cause an argument, even so your mum had tried to befriend her.

As time went of their marriage fell apart and by the time you were 22 they were divorced, she had moved in with her new partner incredibly fast, leaving Negan alone in the house next door to you. Your dad and him started spending even more time together from then on, becoming the best of friends they are today.

Flash forward to today, you were now 30 years old and you and Negan still had a great bond. He’d become your best friend too in a sort of way, you talked daily through text, and called him weekly to check in. If something was broken, or your car had issues it would be him you turned too, at first it was because your dad had no clue, but over time it was because you’d rather call Negan than anyone else.

He’d been there for most major steps of your life, passing your driving test, finishing high school, leaving for and returning from college, your first date, first heartbreak, fall outs with friend’s, getting your first job…… he’s witnessed it all. He was even there the day you said I do to James, the day where you weren’t really sure you were making the right decision. James was a good guy, but he was aloof and he rarely took your feelings on board, told you frequently that you were being too sensitive, which was probably true you were, but it didn’t make it hurt any less.

In these moments it was always Negan you had turned too for comfort,

He did it again, went out with his work colleges without telling me. I know it’s silly to be upset, but I can’t help it. She’s there too, it’s hard enough that he works with his ex, but he spends more time out with her than me, even if it is in a group.

I always feel like I’m right at the back of his mind.

Xx

Ping

Hey sweetheart,

No your feelings are justified, Rebecca would do things like this all the time and could never understand why I was hurt. So I completely get it, my doors open if you want to pop over.

Negan xx

You thought for a minute, pulling your bottom lip with your teeth. James wouldn’t be home for hours and sitting here alone and upset wasn’t making things any better.

Yeah ok I’ll be over in 10

Xx

Ping

Ok sweetheart, just let yourself in

Xx

Smiling at his response you throw on your shoes and jacket, grab your keys and make your way over to Negan's place.

Walking into Negan’s house was always like coming home, the familiar scent of pine, woodsmoke and tobacco fill the air. The fire in the lounge is always going during these colder months, giving the home a warm, welcoming feeling. “Negan?” You call out as you enter, “In the Kitchen sweet cheeks” he answers. Kicking off your shoes you make your way to the back of the house towards the kitchen, pausing at the doorframe to admire the sight. He’s stood over the stove, grey sweatpants hanging dangerously low on his hips, wearing his favourite Metallica t shirt. Originally the shirt was black, but after years of washing and wearing it, it’s more of a washed out dark grey now.

As he reaches up to turn the extractor fan on, causing the shirt to ride up, showing a small amount of his lower stomach. You notice his happy trail disappearing into his sweats, and can’t help the thoughts of what it would be like to run your hands down it. Gosh what are you thinking, get a hold girl, you scald yourself.

Clearing your throat you enter the room, “Hey! Watcha cooking?” You ask, “Hey darlin, I’m making spaghetti, have you eaten yet? Because I made enough for two just incase” he responds. God he’s so thoughtful you wish James was more like this, do you though? Or do you just wish James was in fact Negan.

“No I haven’t, thanks Negan” you reply, he nods at you pulling two plates out the cupboard.

Sat at the kitchen island you both enjoy your meals, laughing and reminiscing. It’s so easy, the conversation flows and you forget all about the upset you felt earlier on. “You know I saw your dad slip on ice yesterday, he did this sort of dance as he tried to steady himself. I asked if he needed a hand but he acted as if nothing happened. He must have pulled something because he’s been walking like John Wayne since” he laughs, “Oh my goodness poor dad, he never told me” you reply amusement in your voice. “He seems fine, but he was way to stubborn to ask for help” he adds. “Yeah he’s always been too stubborn for his own good” you hum.

You tell him about work and anything else that’s happened this week, listening to how his week went too, before checking the time with a sigh, “I should get back, he’ll be home soon.” He gives you a small smile, “Alright sweetheart, you know where I am yeah? If you need anything” he assures you, “Yeah thanks Negan, and thanks for cheering me up, I needed this.”

“Always” he promises.

Leaving you give him a warm hug goodbye, holding on a second longer than you probably should, before entering your car and heading home. He stands there for a minute watching you leave, sighing to himself. He hates how unhappy you are, he hates it even more that he’s not the one by your side making you happy. When you’re together everything feels right, his heart feels full, it’s where your meant to be he’s sure of it, beside him here.

_______________________________________

When you arrive home James is already back and fast asleep in your shared bed, he hadn’t waited for you. Checking your phone it was only 10:15pm, he could have waited to actually see you today.

Grabbing his dirty laundry off the bathroom floor you notice a pink lipstick stain on his shirt collar, your heart plummets, nausea hits and dizziness causes you stumble over your feet. Bringing the shirt to your face you can smell feminine perfume, but not just any perfume no, it’s her perfume, his exes scent covers the offending material.

You slump to the floor, every emotion is swirling through you as tears sting your eyes. It may be innocent she was there in the group he went out with, he was back at a reasonable time. You try to justify everything to yourself, you needed to give this time, to follow him, gather evidence and get the proof yourself before you accuse your husband of cheating.

Chucking the shirt back to where he left it to not cause suspicion, you got yourself cleaned up and ready for bed, slipping into the sheets you look over at James, soft snores leaving him as he’s blissfully unaware of your inner turmoil. Eventually you lay down and close your eyes, letting sleep take you.

_______________________________________

It’s been a week since the night you found the lipstick on your husbands shirt, and he’s spent the week being surprisingly sweet and attentive towards you. This in itself is raising suspicions to you, he’s not been this sensitive to your feelings since the very beginning of your relationship. Even so nothing since has been out of the ordinary, he’s left his phone laying around and handed it straight to you when you asked to make a call, because your phone was battery exhausted. He hasn’t left in the evenings, he’s phoned you on his way out of the office to run over any groceries he needed to grab on his way home, then arriving straight home bags in hand. So now you’re doubting anything you thought may have happened, he’s not acting like a guilty man, or one who’s having an affair, your only suspicion is how nice he’s being, and you’re starting to feel like a woman crazed.

You of course have been running it all over with Negan, explaining everything you found and what’s happening. He’d offered to beat him, which you’d laughed at but declined. You’d said you think you were just jumping to conclusions, and that you’d need actual proof before any violence was needed, he disagreed.

But all in all things were going better, the only problem was that you had this pit in your stomach, this feeling that a train wreck was starting to unfold. You couldn’t put your finger on it but something didn’t feel right. So when he messaged you later that afternoon saying he was going out with the guys, you set your plans into motion.

Hey ok,

What bar are you going too? Just so I know incase of emergencies.

Xx

Your phone buzzed on the countertop alerting you he’d responded.

We are going to the sports bar on Grange St, shouldn’t be out too late babe.

James x

You sent him back a little thumbs up, trying to act as unbothered as possible. You then called your closest girl friend Casey.

“Hey you ok?”

“Hey Case, I have a huge favour to ask you,” you plead down the phone.

“Yeah ok girl, what do you need?” You asks,

“I have a feeling James is cheating on me with his ex”

You hear an audible gasp down the phone, followed by “No! Really?”

“Yeah, I found lipstick on his shirts collar after he’s said he was out with his work colleagues. Which may be true but why was the lipstick on his shirt? Then I noticed the whole shirt smelt of her perfume” another gasp emits from your friend.

“So I was hoping that maybe you could go to the bar he said he’s at tonight, incognito style and let me know if he really is with the boys?” You ask pleadingly.

“Say no more babe, send me the bars details and the time and I’ll be there” she affirms.

“Thank you so much Case, I’ve been tearing my hair out over this” you sigh.

“It’s no trouble at all, it’s what friends are for, send me the details and I’ll call you when I have some news”

“Thank you”

Hanging up the call you smile to yourself, she’s always been a great friend. You met her your first day at school here, she showed you around that day and you’d both become best friends from then on. She was your maid of honour and you were there with her when her mum died, you’d been through a lot together and you could always rely on each other.

_______________________________________

The rest of the day went by quickly, you spent the afternoon into early evening working remotely from home, and were preparing yourself some dinner when your phone started buzzing,

“Hey Casey any news?” You ask, biting your nails in suspense.

“Well yes and no” she replies,

“What does that mean?” You ask confused,

“Well I’m here at the sports bar on Grange street, it’s past 7pm and it’s practically empty. There’s no group of guys here, and James is certainly not here” she responds.

“Oh…. That can’t be good can it?” You croak, emotions gathering a storm once more.

“They may just be late? I know you said 7, but I’ll hang around until 8pm just incase and I’ll call back ok babe?”

“Ok thanks Case” you reply.

Once off the phone you just sit there with it clutched to your chest, staring off into space while you try to make sense of the situation.

Sometime later your phone began to buzz again, you halted your pacing around the kitchen and answered Casey’s call,

“Hey Casey, I’m afraid to ask, but any news?” You ask.

“No I'm afraid not hun, it’s now 8:15 and there’s no sign of any of the guys, I’m going to check other bars in the area and see if there was just a change in plans” she offers,

“Ok thanks Case”

“It’s not a problem babe, I’ll keep you on the phone as I walk about checking bars,”

“Ok thank you, so how’s your dad?” You ask,

“Yeah he’s doing good, he actually has a date tomorrow which is great, you know it’s been 7 years next week. I think it’s time for him to live again, he’s 56 now and I don’t want him to spend the rest of his life lonely” she explains.

“Yeah I agree, bless him it’s been a while hasn’t it. He’s a lovely guy though so I’m sure his date will go great” you reply.

“Hmmm,” she agrees, “Talking about older guys, how’s Negan?” You can hear the teasing tone in her voice and it catches you off guard,

“Ooh umm” you stammer, “Yeah he’s good, well he was when I spoke to him yesterday, he and my dad are going fishing next weekend so he seems excited about that, although they will probably just sit there and drink beer, chatting and completely forget about the fishing part” you laugh.

“Yeah I bet, he still as dreamy as ever?” She jests.

“Stop it!” You laugh,

“Well this is the third bar I’ve checked and no sign of him sweets, I don’t know what to tell you?” She sighs.

“Ok Case, well thanks for looking for me, I know you must have had plans you cancelled for me” you respond.

“Nah just a date with Ben and Jerry, and possibly some Netflix, it’s all good babe”

She’s such a great friend you think, “I’m gunna walk back to my car now, sorry it wasn’t an easy fix hun.”

“No it’s ok, thanks for trying,” you assure her,

Then you hear a low gasp through the phone “What Case what’s happening?”

“ I see him….” She trails off, “So he is out with the boys, that’s such a relief thanks hunni so much….” But she cuts you off with a “No I see him with her” and your whole vision spins, “What??” You reply meekly.

“I’m so sorry babe, he’s sat in the Italian restaurant Lorenzo’s with her, it’s just the two of them and he’s holding her hand.. I’m so sorry babe, I’ll take a photo to show you”

Your silent on the other end, trying to comprehend what’s happening,

Ping

The image pops up and that is indeed James, sat holding her hand having dinner in the fancy Italian restaurant.

“I’m so sorry, did you want me to pop over I can be right there?” She offers.

“No” you choke, “ I think I just need some time alone to come to terms with this” you reply,

“Ok babe I completely understand, you know where I am if you need me yeah?”

“Yeah thanks” you hum, ending the call.

In your spiral of turmoil you do the only thing you know to do, you send Negan a text saying you need to see him, and you hurry out the door.

_______________________________________

As soon as you pull onto his drive he’s out of the house greeting you, panic written on his face, “What’s wrong sweetheart”, shaking your head you throw yourself into his arms, burying your face into his chest as you let the tears freely fall. “Hey it’s ok baby girl it’s ok, I’ve got ya” he coos as he strokes your hair and holds you close.

Sometime later after your breaths slow and you calm down he pulls you inside and onto his couch, “You going to tell me what’s going on baby girl? He asks, still concerned at your current state. You silently pull your phone out, bringing up the image and handing the phone over to Negan, “Casey took this tonight” you explain.

Negan takes in the image, bringing his hand to his mouth in shock, before running his fingers through his beard. “Shit!” He states, “Yeah shit indeed” you deadpan. “I’m so sorry sweetheart, you deserve so much better than this” you look down to your lap, fiddling with a loose thread on your jeans. “Hey look at me sweetheart” he encourages, his fingers carefully pulling your chin up so his eyes can meet yours, “You deserve so much better than this” he affirms once more. “Hell darlin you deserve the world, you’re the most incredible woman I know, and he’s an idiot if he doesn’t see it”.

Staring into his eyes you notice how close your face is to his, you could just lean in and press your lips to his, just mere inches. But he clears his throat pulling you in for another hug, “Can I stay here tonight? I don’t want to go home and I’m not ready for mum and dad to know yet” you ask.

“Of course darlin, you’re always welcome here, you know that” he assures you.

“How about I get you some comfy clothes to sleep in, and we can put a movie on?” He offers.

“Yeah that sounds good thanks Negan”

Taking a deep breath you follow him up the stairs and into his room, you take it in, from the books on his bedside table, to his neat sides, dark cotton bedsheets and pine scent, it’s just so Negan. You smile to yourself as you run your fingers over the books splayed out, Negan returns with some sweatpants and baggy t shirt, stopping at the entrance for a moment he admires the way you explore his room, a fond smile plays on his lips.

“Here these should do” he says handing you the clothes.

“Thank you”

“Of course darlin, I’ll leave you to get changed” and with that he closes the door and wonders off down the landing. You hastily change into the comfy clothes, enjoying the softness against your skin. They smelled of him and the feeling comforted you. Looking around his room once more, you catch something in the corner of your eye on the opposite night stand, rounding the bed your breath catches in your throat as realise it’s a framed photo of you and Negan together, taken at one of your dads BBQs a few years back.

You pick the photo up tracing the frame gently, when did he get this? Has it been here since the BBQ? Why does he have a photo of only you two next to his bed? So lost in thought you didn’t notice him walk back in, “I’m guessing I owe you an explanation for that huh?” He sighs. Jumping, startled by his sudden voice you gather your thoughts turning to face him, your breath hitches when you find him right in front of you, watching your face, trying to gage your reaction. “Why?” You stutter out, “Why do you have a photo of us beside your bed?” You ask.

“Well I think that’s obvious sweetheart” he states.

“Obvious how? I don’t understand” you reply, he steps closer and carefully moves a strand of hair out of your face, “I have it because I love you, I’m in love with you baby girl, and I know this is the most shittiest time to tell you this, but I’ve held it in for the best part of a decade and I can’t any more, you don’t have to say anything. I don’t expect anything from you, I just needed to tell you” he explains, water filling his eyes as he gives you a half smile.

You don’t respond not with words anyway you fumble to place the frame back onto the table, before wrapping your arms around Negan’s neck and crashing your lips against his. He freezes in shock initially but quickly regains composure and kisses you back, arms wrapping around your waist as he pulls you in closer deepening the kiss.

Your tongue swipes at his bottom lip seeking entrance, which he grants caressing your tongue with his, as the kiss becomes more needy and desperate Negan hoists you up, grabbing under your thighs and laying you down on his bed, lips never leaving yours he moves to hover over you. Threading his fingers with yours as he continues his attack down your neck to your collarbone. Wrapping your legs around his waist you pull him flush against you, raising your hips into him you grind your pelvis against his.

He pauses for a second looking down at you with such love and emotion “Are you sure sweetheart?” He asks eyes tracing you face searching for any uncertainty on your features, “Yeah I’m sure, I’ve never been so sure, I’ve loved you since I was 18” you admit. That’s all the confirmation he needs as his mouth finds yours once more. You pull at the bottom of his shirt, trying to tug it over his head, he lets out a laugh before standing up and removing it, “You only had to ask baby girl” he grins.

“Well then…” you reply, hooking your feet in his pants you give a gentle tug with your toes, “I’ll have these off too please”, “Oh will you now” he teases, grinning down at you as he unbuttons them and shrugs them off, he finds the end of your sweatpants pulling them off in one swift movement, causing an unexpected gasp from you. Throwing them to the side he joins you again on the bed, “Tell me what you want baby” he asks against your throat, while peppering your skin in sweet open mouthed kisses.

“You, I want you.” You moan, “You have me sweetheart, you’ll have to be more specific” you groan at his teasing “Negan please I need you”, “Need me where darlin?” He urged, grabbing his hand you pull it down your stomach to your panties, “Here, I need you here” you whimper. Seemingly done with the teasing he pulls your underwear to the side, running his fingers through your slick and bringing it up to your clit, causing you to let out a loud moan. “Fuck baby girl you’re soaked, this all for me?”, “Yeah, all for you, always for you”, it’s been seconds and you’re already a mess, whimpering and writhing under him.

Removing his hand he uses both to grab the hem of your shirt, pulling it up and over your head, chucking it with the growing pile of clothing. Immediately his mouth finds your breasts, mouthing, sucking and licking them, your nipples becoming hard under his touch. “Fuck! Please Negan I need you” you buck your hips into him, arching your back desperate for some kind of relief. He gives you a smirk, mischief in his eyes as he starts kissing downwards across your stomach, all the way to your pelvic bone. He laces his fingers through the material, pulling your panties down, mouthing your skin lower and lower as he does. Feeling his hot breath over your core you whine, “Negan please” you beg desperate for him to do something, without warning he dives his face into your pussy, eating you out like a man starved.

“Fuck!!” You scream, “Feeling good yeah baby? I’ve waited so long to have you like this beneath me, to feel your body against mine, you’re like a dream come true baby” he growls against your core, spreading your folds he inserts two fingers into your wet heat, curving them upwards to hit that spongy spot that sends you reeling.

“I’m gonna come!” You scream as you release all over his face and fingers, as he rides out your high. Giving your clit one last slow lick you hiss, grabbing to pull him away from your sensitive pussy, smirking he crawls back up the bed kissing you deeply, your sweet taste on his lips makes you moan into his mouth, and you fumble to pull down his underwear.

“You still sure sweet girl? We can stop here if you’re not.” He worries, “Negan I swear to god if you don’t fuck me right now I’ll” he silences you with another deep kiss before removing his boxers. His cock springs out slapping his stomach and you can’t help but gape at it with wide eyes, he’s big, really big. James was not this big and you begin to wonder if he’s gonna fit. As if reading your reaction “Don’t worry baby girl we will make it fit” he assures you, “This pussy” he continues as he starts rubbing your lower lips teasingly “Was made for me” he punctuates as he guides his cock forwards, sinking into your tight hole, “FUCK!!” You moan, back arching as you feel him split you open.

“That’s it baby girl, you’re taking me so well” he coos, as he sinks all the way in, hips flush with yours. “You ok sweetheart?” He asks as he gently brushes a sweaty lock of hair from your face, you nod hard not trusting your voice, “I need words darlin” he instructs, “Yes! Shit yes I’m good, please move” you whine. Lacing his fingers with yours he gives an experimental role of his hips, causing you to let out a low moan. Confident he wouldn’t hurt you now he began to pick up the pace, setting a strong rhythm, before bringing his lips to yours once more. Your fingers squeeze his as your pussy clamps down on him, signalling your close, your previous orgasm leaving your incredibly sensitive. Negan groans against your mouth before pulling away to watch you come undone, he brings your combined hands down to your little bundle of nerves as he encourages you to play with your yourself.

“So close baby, I need you to cum, can you do that for me sweet girl?”, you nod frantically throwing your head back as you choke his cock, letting out the most pornagraphic moan as white hot pleasure erupts through you. Negan’s thrusts become sloppy and rough as he chases his own high, before he stills realising inside your tight walls with a loud growl, the feeling of his cock pulsing causes you to moan again, wrapping your legs tightly around his hips pulling him flush against you.

You both lay there for what feels like hours, basking in the afterglow and catching your breaths. You break the long silence first “That was….. wow” you giggle. He huffs out a deep laugh, “Yeah, it was”, nose nuzzling into your neck. “Let’s clean you up and get some sleep yeah?” He offers, “Yeah ok” you agree.

Falling asleep that night in Negan’s arms you felt more loved and cared for than you have in years.

_______________________________________

Waking up to soft kisses on your exposed shoulders was a welcomed change, you mumble ‘Morning’ as you stretch out in strong arms. “Mornin’ darlin’” Negan responds, pulling you against him a little tighter. “Mmm I could just stay like this all day” you sigh, “We can if ya want baby, I’ve got no place to be” he agrees.

So you do, you spend the whole morning in bed together, tracing shapes on each others skin, talking about anything and everything and making love. Eventually your stomachs growl and you decide to get up in search of food, not before another heated session in the shower though.

As early afternoon hits your dad inevitably sees your car in Negan’s driveway and heads over to find out what’s going on. Hearing a knock on the door Negan leaves the comfort of your embrace on the coach and moves to answer it. “Oh hey Keith, you ok?” He says greeting your dad, “ I just noticed my daughter’s cars been here a while now, so I came over to see what’s going on” your dad explains, his voice questioning. “Ah yeah, well your gonna need to ask her about that” Negan replies motioning your dad to come in. Upon hearing your dads voice you quickly check you look presentable, and gather the courage to explain what’s happened.

“Hey baby, I noticed your car over here and came to see what’s going on?” Your dad comments as he comes to sit with you, “Hey dad, yeah Negan offered me his spare room last night, because I couldn’t face being at home, and I wasn’t ready to tell you and mum. But Casey caught James out with his ex last night, holding hands at a fancy restaurant, I know I should have told you but I was so upset and I couldn’t handle it last night” you ramble on, tears springing to your eyes once more.

You dad pulls you in for a hug “Oh sweetie I’m so sorry, shhhh” he coos holding you tight. “It’s going to be ok, you can come home for now, we haven’t touched your old room, just come home and we will help you take care of everything else” he encourages. “Yeah ok dad I’ll do that, I just need to grab some things” you explain. “Are you sure you don’t want us to do that? We don’t mind?” Your dad asks, “No I need to confront him and tell him it’s over, I need to do that for myself”, “Ok honey, well with your permission I’ll go and fill your mother in, and we will sort out your room for you” your dad says. “Yeah that’s fine, thanks dad” he nods at you “Thanks Negan for taking her in at such short notice, I really appreciate it man” your dad offers.

“It’s no problem, she’s always welcome here. She knows that” Negan replies with a shrug, trying to act nonchalant, when inside he’s terrified of giving something away, guilt ridden he’s keeping this from his best friend.

As Negan sees your dad out you check your phone, which has been left all night downstairs on the coffee table.

10 messages

33 missed calls

All but one are from James, which is a missed call from Casey, probably checking in on you, you made a mental note to call her in a bit.

Opening your stream with James you look at the messages.

Hey babe where are you? Xx

It’s getting really late now babe? Where have you got too? Xx

It’s now 1am, your still not home is everything ok? Xx

Fuck it’s like 3am now babe can you let me know where you are? Xx

Look just let me know your ok? Just message me back please x

I feel asleep it’s now 6am and your still not home, I’m going to go check Casey’s see if your there x

Hey I just spoke to Casey she showed me the photo, look it’s not what it looks like please let me know where you are, so we can talk about this xx

It’s now past lunch please babe I’m begging you talk to me, I know it looks really bad but just let me explain. Xx

I’ve tried calling all night and day, I’m really worried, I’m going to go to your parents house see if your there xx

Shit!!! He will see your car is next door, he will come barging over here! Shit shit shit!! You jump up in panic, when Negan comes back into the room he takes notice of your panicked state, “What’s up baby girl” he asks concerned. You hand him your phone so he can see the stream of messages, “He’s going to come here, he will see my car and he will come here and….”, “Woah, calm down sweetheart, if he comes here I can tell him to piss off, we can deal with it” he reassures you.

Just as you start to calm yourself down there’s a frantic knock on the door, you look at Negan with wide eyes. “It’s ok I’ve got it” he says before leaving the room once more. You can hear raised voices, it’s definitely James. You sigh rubbing your temples, you need to confront him, you need to have this conversation. So you take a deep breath, pull up your big girl pants and head for the front door.

“It ok Negan I can take it from here” you offer, “You sure sweetheart, you don’t have too” James scrunches his face at Negan’s pet name, “Yeah I’m sure” you nod, “Ok well I’ll be right inside if you need me, and I’m leaving the door open” he argues, taking one last look as he leaves to go inside.

“Hey” you start,

“Hey, please let me explain” he pleads.

You motion for him to go on, “Ok so I shouldn’t have lied to you, but I knew you wouldn’t understand and I didn’t want you mad at me. But Hannah’s been having a really hard time, her mum is really sick, she’s been in hospital for months now. She wanted to meet up to talk about it, and I was close to her mum once too, I just wanted to be there for her” he explains.

“Really?” You deadpan, “I don’t believe you, you were holding her hand for Christ sakes.” You shout.

“I was comforting her! That’s all!” He defends.

“I found your shirt James! It smelt of her and it has a pink lipstick mark on the collar, so explain that” you demand.

“Yeah she did cuddle into me that night but nothing happened I swear to you, she was having such a tough time I didn’t want to push her off. I can see now it wasn’t the right thing to do, but I still care about her in some way, and she’s in pain” he pleads to you.

“I promise you I didn’t cheat on you, we were in a group that night you can ask anyone.” He adds.

“James allowing her to cuddle into you, holding her hand, lying to me about being with her! That is still cheating, you may not have slept with her, but that’s still emotional cheating.” You argue.

“Yeah ok I can see that, but I didn’t mean it like that I really didn’t, I think your overreacting a bit” he quips.

“What! Overeact….. Jesus James you never see it from my side! Never consider my feelings, I��m always either overreacting or I’m too sensitive, but what you did was emotional cheating!” You snap.

“Oh yeah? Ok then so what would you call what you’ve been doing for years with Negan huh! Every time we argue you call him, every time something happens in your life you call him! When you have a bad day you call to tell him, when something great happens you tell him! Never me! You never talk to me! It’s always him! How do you think that’s made me feel! This has been going on since we met! Then last night when this happens who do you run too? Hmmm? Negan once again!” He rants.

You stand there in shock mouth open, because he’s right, everything he just said is true. He may have emotionally cheated on you in recent months, but you’ve been doing it too for years. Realisation must have hit your features because he looks at you then carries on.

“I mean for Christ sake y/n he’s your dads best friend, he’s old enough to be your dad. Yet you’re clearly in love with him, huh aren’t you?” He asks in frustration.

“Yes” you whisper, “Yeah I love him, I always have” you admit.

“Then why did you marry me!” James shouts.

“I didn’t ever think I could have him, I didn’t think it was in the cards, and then I met you and I fell for you too, I do love you too, I promise I do! Just ………. Not as much as I love him, I’m so sorry” you admit, tears now flowing down your cheeks.

He just nods sadly, “You said didn’t think it was in the cards, not don’t think, has something changed?” He asks.

“Yeah” you admit.

“Since when?”

“Since last night” you confirm.

“Christ I guess I brought that on myself huh?” He asks.

“Did you sleep with him?”

There was no point lying now, everything was out in the open. “Yes” you whisper, but he caught it and now he was crying too.

“I get it” he says with a defeated laugh, “You thought I was having an affair, he comforted you then offered you the one thing you’ve wanted most since you were a teen huh, it’s over isn’t it?”

“Yeah, I think it’s been over for some time James, and I think you’re still in love with Hannah and deep down I think you know it” you concluded, meeting his gaze.

“Yeah I guess your right, maybe I do still love her, So can we do this amicably? The Divorce I mean, we can do everything 50/50?” He asks.

“Yeah I think we can” you admit, nodding to him with a kind smile, he pulls you in for a warm hug. “Friends then?” He offers, “Yeah in time I’m sure we will be” you agree. “Good, well I really do wish you all the best y/n” he smiles, “Yeah you too James, I hope you find happiness” you reply. He nods as he begins walking to his car “Bye James”, “Bye Y/N”.

It was a strange feeling watching him walk away, he was your college sweetheart, your first real relationship, it was the end of an era in some sort of way. But you didn’t feel sad, you felt free, as if this large weight had been moved from off your shoulders, like you’d been frantically treading water for years, and now your feet have finally hit land.

Warm arms curl around your waist, soft kiss hitting your temple. “You chose me” Negan chokes, voice filled with emotion. “Yeah” you agree, turning in his arms your eyes meeting his beautiful hazel orbs. “It’s always been you” you promise, before pulling him down into a sweet kiss.

_______________________________________

[createdbytragedy]

MY GIRLFRIEND (3),(2),(1)

Pairing: Choi Beomgyu x reader Genre: Fluff, crack, established relationship Warning: Mention of marking, Gyu loves being marked with lipstick, that's it, i think A/N: This was a bit rushed and not my best work. I might edit it but bear with me right now

Beomgyu ironically considered himself an introvert.

That would be the biggest bullshit you and the members have ever heard. Him? An introvert? It was like his mouth was running from a battery that could never tire out! At least that was what Yeonjun said. You never mind the way Beomgyu blabbers. It was, in fact, the thing that made you fall in love with him. And right now it's also the reason you were in trouble.

It was common for Beomgyu to talk about you to his members and anyone within the radius of 10 feet and most of the time, it wasn't much of a problem. Not that anyone ever said it wasn't a problem at all. But it was getting hard trying to shut his mouth infront of the cameras. They needed to live a rather heedful life than the normal people but in the end, they were still humans. One among us. So, You can excuse Beomgyu for accidentally letting your name slip every once in a while, right?

In an interview

"Beomgyu - ssi, I personally love your necklace. Where did you get it?"

"Oh, I love it too!! it's so pretty, right?! my girlfriend--," a loud slap on his thighs made him hiss and stop mid sentence to glare at the boy beside him. "Me, me. I bought it for him! I'm the girlfriend!! Beomgyu and I have been dating since our trainee days, right Gyu?," Yeonjun asked, glaring at the male through a fake smile plastered across his face. "I wouldn't date you even if you were the last girl standing on earth......," Beomgyu muttered under his breath, rubbing at his thighs where there was a noticeable red handprint of Yeonjun. "You wanna say that louder, Jagi, it didn't quite reached the camera," Yeonjun said through gritted teeth, squeezing the boy's thighs and purposefully digging his fingernails into his skin. Beomgyu hisses, making eye contact with Yeonjun who innocently smiled at him ," I was saying, thank you," Beomgyu's hands rested on his knee, pinching the skin with his oh, so long nails ," very much for the necklace, Hyung," he smiled, seeing how Yeonjun's face scrunched up in pain, " but, I think you it messed up because someone else got this for me." "We have no idea what they're doing." Taehyun commented, looking at the camera. With Beomgyu's carelessness, your relationship was at risk of publicity. But, can you really stay mad at him when he looks at you like that? With those big, brown, puppy like eyes, saying he's sorry and that he'll be careful next time. How can you not give into that? It should've been no surprise when you come across his new Instagram post. Beomgyu was not sorry about his actions at all. He have always wanted to reveal his relationship with you. Wanted to show the world that you're his and he's yours. He was intentionally dropping hints.' Accidentally' mentioning your name, showing off your matching necklace, wearing low necklines to make sure the red lipstick stain on his collarbone was vaguely shown. He wanted to tell the world he was taken and you were off limits. And maybe this time, he really let his heart win. The picture was taken by him. Both of you staring at each other instead of the camera, lost in each other's eyes. His face was covered with your lipstick stain because Beomgyu loves being marked. And the photo itself was enough the shake the world. And for once, you didn't care about the consequences of his action, instead smiling when his name popped in your notification. MY LOVE <3 "Oops, sorry, accidentally posted that. Didn't mean to :(" "But, don't we look cute?" "Kinda want you to come over and mark my face all over again." Well, you could read the comments and think about the aftermath later. Right now you had priorities. You thought as you took your lipstick out from the drawer and headed for the door.

[silly-circus]

★SillyString’s story/background★

(Way long overdue lmao and long I’m so sorry guys, also made some edits because I wanted to word some things better)

I want to start off by saying she is me, me is she(Im not sure if I made it clear or not so apologies I’m kinda dumb🫰). I say “her” in my posts instead of “me” because idk it feels right since I make her look differently than I actually do. Even so, we share the same name and I do the clown look all the time when I go out to places that I get an excuse to🧍‍♂️so really it is just me but anyway,,, time to begin! This is my first time actually writing this out so I’m sorry if it’s formatted and explained terribly

First off, Silly String is my persona’s clown name. She came up with it herself, everything else was Pennywise’s idea. She was originally a human, and still looks like one and has the appetite of one(when she changed Pennywise assumed she would want to eat people. He was wrong.) She lived in texas(yee-honk) before moving to Maine literally because she thought “why not?” and ended up in good old Derry. Her life growing up wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t the best. She was always into odd and strange things, or things that most would find creepy(clowns. Love clowns. They’re so cool) so she was kinda outcasted from others at a young age but soon people learned to just let her live in peace which of course she was happy about. She did manage to make some friends, solidarity. After moving, she continued pursuing freelance photography and painting, but her full time job is as a barista in a local coffee shop(wow, how interesting💀).

The way that she met Pennywise was kinda stupid. All she was doing was taking photos of the local wildlife and next thing you know a kid is running by before she notices a fucking weird ass clown creature from hell charging straight towards her(she still snapped a photo before running). He does catch up to her and jumps her. How she managed to not get away, but the kid did, don’t ask me. She survived, her camera unfortunately did not(he gets her a new one eventually guys trust).

since then, they kept bumping into each other. He does try to kill her again but she kept managing to escape him(pissed him off more and more each time) but soon enough he starts to chill out and basically decides to learn more about her. The more she realized he was going to not continuously try eat her every time he visited she would start asking him questions about who he was as an entity and where he came from. It does start out as a weird friendship where he would mess with her at work or appear out of literally no where to hang around. He does start to enjoy her company and watching her do normal, human things since her doing it made it seem entertaining. After a while of slowly getting closer and closer they become loving parters yay(she was still human at this time).

Fast forward and they get “married” which they really call their “eternal binding.” Basically what it means is that she became a part of him. As in if he dies, she dies. She unfortunately didn’t gain any cool shape shifting and such, she just gets to live and thrive as long as he does. When it first happened she was having a hard time with it simply because she’s going to outlive everyone she knows and will continue to, but over time she made her peace with it and saw it as a privilege to watch the world change around her and of course stay with her beloved.

Also the year they met was set in the 1980s, or honestly it could be any time after that or something I don’t know yall get creative I’m just going with the flow.

That is it :) sorry again this is long, and I hope every one has a good day/night(it’s 3 am why do I do this to myself). I also hope you guys continue to follow along with me on their lover clown journey :D

AND- little sneak peek of an upcoming piece I’m working on for Mermay 😙

[ramblingoak]

Tell Him

Mushy May in Lucifer's Hollow: Day 12 - First Time

Secondo x Dewdrop

This fic is set in an alternate universe in a town called Lucifer's Hollow. It's sort of like a Satanic version of a Hallmark town. For Mushy May I'll be using the prompts to post little snippets of life for the humans and ghouls that live there 💙 Thank you to @forlorn-crows for putting Mushy May together!

~ In Lucifer's Hollow Secondo is the Fire Chief and Dewdrop teaches art at the high school. ~

Warnings: this ended up being the first time Secondo says a few certain words so there's angst and love confessions and then some smut at the end...anal sex, fingering, a bit of cum play and a dash of size kink, nsfw, 18+ only mdni, 2,600 words (thank you to @ghuleh-recs for the dividers!)

It had been a long time since Secondo had tried to woo anyone.

For one thing, he barely had time for himself let alone a partner.  Lucifer’s Hollow might be a small town but it was big enough to keep him busy as the Fire Chief.  A day could include anything from your typical accident to a fire ghoul kit still getting the hang of their element.  He always did his best to keep his crew and his hometown safe but sometimes that meant sacrificing the free time he had.  The free time he could use to focus on someone else.

Dewdrop was the one to make him change his ways.

From the moment he had met the little fire ghoul, his fuocolino, Secondo knew he was worth it.  Worth rushing through his paperwork at the end of his shift, worth taking a little extra care of himself on calls and worth the grief he got from his brothers whenever he skipped their weekly game nights.  He would do all of that and more for Dewdrop, anything to show him how much he meant to him. 

“You should tell him.”  

“Tell who what?”  Secondo squinted at his computer screen as he checked over his supply order.  “Get your feet off my desk.”

“Dewdrop.”  Terzo leaned back in his chair, the legs creaking as he balanced it on two legs.  His expensive Italian shoes knocked into a framed picture on Secondo’s desk earning the younger man a glare.  “You should tell him how you feel.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Bugiardo.”

“Fine.  Even if I did feel a particular way about him it’s none of your business.”  Liar?  Terzo was lucky Secondo had tweaked his back earlier that morning otherwise his little brother would be laid out on the floor.  “Put your fucking feet down.”

Terzo ignored him, instead knocked his shoe against the frame again.

“Whose picture is in this?”  The longer Secondo remained silent the bigger Terzo’s smile got.  “Why do I have the feeling it’s not one of your brothers?”

“Another thing that’s none of your business.”  When Terzo tapped the frame and started to turn it towards him he leveled a glare on his little brother that would have made anyone else run.  “If you have even an ounce of self preservation you will stop.”

“Oh fratello, sometimes I feel like you don’t know me at all.”  In a flash Terzo knocked the picture frame off his desk.  Secondo was out of his chair before the front legs of Terzo’s hit the floor but he was still too late to stop him from grabbing the frame off the ground and holding it up with a triumphant shout.  “Ah ha!  What a lovely couple you two ma–cazzo!”

He winced at the sound the glass in the frame made when it hit the tile after slapping it out of Terzo’s hands.  His arms were soon full of the mayor of Lucifer’s Hollow, easily dragging him from his office and out into the hallway.  He nodded at Cirrus when the pair passed her, ignoring her laughter as she followed them until they got to the large open garage door of the station.  With a shove far more gentle then he felt Terzo deserved he left him out in the driveway cursing up a storm.

After directing Aether to call Special to come pick up his boss, Secondo made his way back to his office.  With the door safely closed and locked behind him he stepped over to the frame, slowly kneeling down to pick it up.  His back protested the entire time, each twinge of pain telling him his night would now involve little more than pain killers and his heat pad.

He sighed when he turned it over, pieces of glass left behind on the floor.  Tomorrow he’d have to stop by GraveYarns for a new frame.  Secondo shook the rest of the glass out and then popped the back open so he could remove the picture.  It was a recent one, taken at this year’s high school graduation.  Primo had asked him to make the commencement speech so he had been decked out in his dress uniform.  He had even worn the old Papal face paint his family used to wear in past generations.

The same paint that Secondo knew was smeared onto his fuocolino’s skin under the clothes he was wearing in the picture.  Black mouth prints from his neck to his nipples and down his stomach to his cock.  He loved worshipping Dewdrop, loved tasting his skin that was always warm and smelled slightly of smoke.  Loved getting him to make noises, everything from breathy gasps to desperate moans.  And he loved taking care of him when they were done, cleaning him and holding him for as long as Dewdrop would let him.

Terzo was right.

Fuck.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“I told you, my ba–”

“Yeah, yeah I know old man.  You fucked your back up playing hero.”  

Secondo chose to ignore the ‘old man’ comment and remain silent.  Ever since his revelation in his office earlier that day he had been biting his tongue, afraid that he’d confess his feelings as soon as he opened his mouth.  It’s not that he didn’t want to tell Dewdrop, it was more he would much rather say it when he felt more confident his feelings were returned.  

It would hurt too much otherwise.

“I wasn’t playing hero.”  He spoke slowly, trying to choose his words carefully.  “I was just doing my job.”

“Well what the hell are the others there for?  Stand around and flirt with teachers?  That seems to be a skill firefighters excel at.”  Secondo grunted when Dewdrop pressed a little too hard on his back.  “Or maybe it’s just the Emeritus family.”

“A little of both perhaps.”  He should just tell him.  “I’m the best at it, of course.”

“Maybe not the best at it but you certainly have the best taste.  Now hold still so I can finish rubbing this in.”

“Is it supposed to smell like that?”  Just tell him.  “It smells like toothpaste.”

“Do you want to call Primo and complain about the smell?  Or should I?”

“Nevermind.”  Tell him.  “The smell is fine.”

“How does it feel though?  Is it helping?”

“Did I say it wasn’t?”  Say it.  “It’s fine.”

“Don’t get bitchy with me, I’m just trying to help you.”

“I wasn't, I just don’t need all these damned questions.”  Tell.  Him.  “Leave it.”

“Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I’m supposed to shut the fuck up while I’m spending my evening helping my boyfriend.”  

Dewdrop growled as he moved off the bed, slamming the little jar of salve onto the nightstand.  Secondo could hear his tail swish back and forth through the air like it always did when the ghoul was angry.  He gritted his teeth as he rolled over, wanting to face him but also afraid to look.  There was no anger on his face though, instead he looked almost sad and it made Secondo’s heart clench.

“Fuocolino…”  Tell him.  “Mi disp–”

“No, don’t try to sweet talk me.”

“I was trying to apologize.”  Right now.  “If you’d just give me a moment.”

“Ok, fine.”  Dewdrop crossed his arms, glaring down at Secondo.  When the room remained quiet he quickly threw up his arms.  “I’m waiting!”

“I wanted to tell you…merda.”  

Fucking say it!

“Unbelievable.  And people say I’m emotionally constipated.”

“I am glad you’re here, I’m thankful that you’re here!”

And I love you.

“Why was that so fucking hard to say?”

“It wasn’t fuocolino, there's just something else I’d rather say.”

I love you so much.

“Then say it.”  Secondo could hear the worry creeping into Dewdrop’s voice.  The same tone he’d heard the few times he had to call him and tell him he’d been injured.  “Do you want to break up?”

“Che cosa?  No!”  I never want you to go.  “Why would you think that?”

“Because you’ve been short with me all night, like you don’t want to talk.  And then you say you need to tell me something but you can’t spit the fucking words out.  What the hell am I supposed to think?”

“I don’t want to break up with you.”

Ever.

“Then what the fuck is going on?!”

“I love you.”

The room was dead silent after those words left Secondo’s mouth.  Dewdrop’s tail was still and neither one of them seemed to breathe.  He was pretty sure his heart had even stopped, like it was waiting to see if it should bother beating again.  Fear started to grip him the longer Dewdrop stayed silent and he began thinking of something to say, anything to say to try and ease the hurt of the rejection he feared was coming.

“What did you say?”

With the smallest tendril of hope tingling in his chest Secondo tried to move closer to the other side of the bed.

“Fuocolino, I love you.”  He hissed when his back protested what he was doing but he was desperate to be near Dewdrop.  “Ti amo.”

Dewdrop immediately turned towards the nightstand and Secondo couldn’t breathe again.  He gasped in pain when he moved too much, falling onto his back and blinking up at the ceiling while spots danced in his vision.  It was probably a few minutes before he was able to collect himself but when he did it was to angry murmurs from the ghoul practically petting his chest.

“...I swear to Lucifer if you die on me right now I will go to Hell myself and drag your ass back here.  Satan’s dick what did Primo put in this fucking salve?!”

“Dewdrop, fuocolino, fermare.  Stop.”  The frantic touching ended but Dewdrop kept his hand over Secondo’s heart, needing to feel the reassurance of the steady beating.  He brought his own hand up to cover it, entwining their fingers together and squeezing Dewrdop’s hand tightly.  “I’m alright.”

“Say it again.”

“I’m alri–”

“Not that you stupid asshole.”

“I love you.”

“Again.”

Secondo smiled, slipping his other hand up Dewdrop’s back and burying his fingers in his long hair.  With a few gentle tugs he got him to lower his face down so he could press their lips together.  It was a relatively chaste kiss, for them at least.  Dewdrop sucking on his tongue when he pressed it inside.  He ended the kiss sooner than he wanted but his back was still screaming at him so he was in no condition to let the kissing go any further.  

Dewdrop’s amber eyes were bright in the dim light of the room, staring unwaveringly into his own.  He couldn’t tell what the ghoul was thinking but the fact that he was still here, still clinging to him gave him hope.  

“I love you.”  The admission earned him a quick and dirty kiss before Dewdrop pulled away again.  Secondo watched him nibble at his bottom lip for a moment before he spoke.  “What is it?”

“Nothing.  I’m just thinking.”

“About what, fuocolino?”

“I was trying to decide if riding you would break your spine in half or not.”  There was humor in the ghoul’s eyes but Secondo could also see the tell tale signs of lust there.  “Maybe Primo has a salve for that.”

“Worth the risk.”

He attempted to bring Dewdrop’s mouth down to his again but the ghoul resisted.  Secondo just wanted to kiss him, even if it hurt at least the pain would distract him from the fact that Dewdrop hadn’t said those words back to him.  He knew enough of Dewdrop’s past to know those words would be hard for the ghoul to say.  And even if he never said them it wouldn’t change how Secondo felt.

“Wait, there was one more thing.”  Secondo let the hope build again as he watched his ghoul, his little flame take a deep breath.  “I love you too, old man.”

Everything was different now.

The words he had barely spoken to even family came easily to him.  Words he said every morning as he kissed Dewdrop awake.  Words he said throughout the day when the moment felt right.  And words he said at night, especially when he was buried inside of him like he was now.  His cock pulsed along with the beat of his heart as he ground his hips against Dewdrop’s.

“Ti amo.”

Italiano always felt more right in these moments, when their sweat was mingling on each other’s skin.  When they both sported marks from teeth and nails and claws.  Dewdrop was warm, he was so warm inside and out.  Even in the coldest days of winter when the old furnace in his house struggled to keep up.  And Secondo craved that warmth, he craved being surrounded by it.  He always longed to sink his cock into Dewdrop and feel him shake and shudder around him.

Sometimes Dewdrop struggled to say the words back but Secondo knew they were there.  He could see it in those amber eyes and he could feel it in every touch.  But tonight the words came out and Secondo swore he could see them ripple through the air between them.

“I love you.”  

Hearing them had Secondo moving again, practically folding the slender ghoul in half while he pushed in as deep as he could go.  He swore he could see himself moving there and he laid a hand on Dewdrop’s belly, wanting to feel it.  Wanting to feel it inside and out while he thrust his cock into him. 

There were no more words spoken.  Only the wet sounds of Secondo’s thrusts and both of their desperate moans filling the room.  It was possible Dewdrop muttered something in Ghoulish but the blood rushing in his head was too loud for Secondo to tell.  When the ghoul’s claws dug into his forearms he knew Dewdrop was close.  He picked up the pace, reveling in the sounds he was making underneath him.  The sounds he was looking forward to hearing for the rest of his life.

It was almost painful when he came, filling Dewdrop for the second time that night.  His ghoul came soon after, his cock spilling more cum all over his stomach and chest.  Secondo rubbed his hand through it and then brought it up to his mouth, dragging his tongue through the mess and managing a dirty laugh when Dewdrop made a wounded noise.

He stayed inside of him as long as he could but as he gently lowered Dewdrop’s legs he pulled out, his cock soft and covered in lube and cum.  Secondo rubbed at his stomach again while he watched his hole pulse, disappointed to see his cum dribbling out.  He used two fingers to press it back inside, groaning along with his ghoul as he did so.  Eventually Dewdrop’s tail came up and tugged at his wrist so he stopped, bringing his fingers up to his mouth to clean them off.

Secondo loved his fuocolino so much.  The way he tasted and smelled.  The noises he made when they were together like this.  But it was also so much more than that.  It was the little pictures Dewdrop would draw and sneak into his pants pocket before he left for work.  The proud texts he would get during the day of him showing off his students’ artwork.  He loved Dewdrop more than he could ever describe.

But he would spend the rest of his life trying. 

If you'd like to be added/removed from the tag list (or if I accidentally left your name off) of this fic or any of my others please leave a comment or send me a dm! Thank you 💙

My Masterlist ~ My Archive of our Own ~ My Ko-Fi Tip Jar

More snippets from this verse are on my masterlist under "Ongoing Series"!

Other Mushy May days: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12

[thisgirlwhomustnotbenamed]

MC on Philos and MC on Earth being one person in Xavier's storyline

This is my theory about MC on Philos and MC on Earth being one person in Xavier's storyline.

First, let's briefly talk about the timeline in Xavier's myth.

According to what everyone knows and the information I gathered, MC and Xavier first met at the academy on the planet Philos. The year was 214. Two hundred and fourteen years had passed since Philos was born. That also means 214 years have passed since the Earth collapsed.

Humans have replaced Earth's exhausting core with a powerful artificial core. This core holds the fragmented lands together, preventing them from dispersing into the starry sea. So, aside from more dust, cloudier days, and cumbersome travel between tectonic plates, planet Philos isn't much different from the Earth in the past.

Yes, so Philos could be Earth in the future. It is divided into continental plates and needs an artificial core to prevent the planet from breaking into many different plates.

They met, got acquainted and developed feelings for each other. Unfortunately, in her first life, MC had a heart disease and had to stay in the hospital to di***e slowly.

In the last moments of her life, MC got out of the hospital to go stargazing, wanting to fulfill her final promise to Xavier. At this time he also returned, covered in injuries, holding an energy core in his hand that he wanted to give to MC. If nothing changes, then the Aether core is currently in her heart.

MC is so weak now that she can't hold on anymore. She asked Xavier to return the core to its original place and then passed away in his arms. I don't know if Xavier later attached the Aether core to her, but MC was reincarnated with it.

In her second life, MC studied at the same academy as Xavier. He is now the crown prince. MC is trained to become a royal knight, become the king's sword and is loyal to him until de***ath.

This time, Xavier discovered Philos' terrifying secret. The artificial core has long been exhausted. So the royal family sent Lightseeker knights to the Starfall forest to feed the planet. On the surface, it was to destroy Wanderer, but in reality it was to replenish Philos's lacking energy source.

Because of this event that Xavier decided to give up the throne. He can’t sit on a throne made from his people’s fle***sh and blo***od. Especially when the royal family decided to sacrifice MC to become an endless source of energy for the planet because she has the ability to reborn over and over again. Probably due to the Aether core in her heart.

Xavier's ideal is to save everyone, not most people. He founded the Backtracker, finding a way back to the past to find an energy core for Philos. At the same time, let MC become queen so she can manage the situation in Philos and protect herself.

There are many theories that MC on Earth and MC on Philos are two different people. And MC on Philos is still waiting for Xavier to return. But I don't think so.

First, we have to mention the Backtracker. Xavier's first purpose for founding the team seems very noble. So he must find friends and teammates who also share the same ideals, justice, kindness, or at least are trustworthy enough to carry out the mission. If MC's secret is exposed, it will be very dangerous for her to be on her own.

Then why in chapter 2 of Anecdotes and chapter 8 of the main story, did he ki***ll his friends and teammates? It could only be because they have fallen, no longer want to follow Xavier's ideals, and turned into enemies wanting to ha****rm MC.

Maybe when they were initially stuck on Earth in the past, they still had the rationality to find a peaceful solution. But over time, sensing that this universe would wipe out outsiders and Philos's slow de****ath in the distance, many Backtracker teammates became desperate.

After all, it is easier to sacrifice a single person than to risk the lives of many people into an unknown future. So they chose to confront Xavier, regardless to the point that they didn't even care about their lives. They couldn’t stand a chance against Xavier, yet they tried to fight him anyway.

If people who were far away from Philos are that desperate, what will happen with MC who chooses to stay in Philos and witness with her own eyes that it is about to fall into destruction?

I feel there are two possibilities.

One is the MC, as the queen of Philos, could no longer sit still and wait to di***e, so she carried out a mission herself. She wants to travel to Earth in the past to get the energy core for Philos. Xavier mentioned Traceback 2, right? If there is 2, which means there must be 1. Maybe MC drove Traceback 1 and then got sucked into a black hole and got stuck on Earth in the past

Second, MC returned to the past with Xavier on the Traceback 2. But something went wrong midway and the two were separated.

MC's return to the past through the Deepspace tunnel was mentioned through Noah's words. Noah once said that there was a problem with space travel called slipspace during the Backtrack. The spaceship couldn’t handle the fluctuations of the Deepspace tunnel.

Noah then continued to say that MC and the Aether core had vanished, most likely dissolved into cosmic dust. Only Noah would say that after she went through the Deepspace tunnel and having an accident. He wouldn’t just mention it out of nowhere:)

Also, do you know what will happen if you fall into a black hole? According to the most reasonable theories, it would be a painful “spaghettification" de***ath. In spaghettification, the intense gravity of the black hole would pull you apart, separating your bones, muscles, sinews, molecules, and even smaller, an atoms.

In Xavier's Shinning traces card, he said this: "Humans will eventually turn to dust, each person will become an insignificant atom in the universe. But atoms can never be destroyed. One day we will meet again under the stars."

Makes me wonder if he's hinting at a reunion between them? He never believed that she is gone. Her soul, her atom won’t be destroyed. Xavier just need to find her.

MC was pulled apart and di***ed in the Deepspace tunnel. But due to the distortion of space and time, instead of being reincarnated to Philos like before, she was reincarnated to Earth in the past. Explaining how she was once a child, lost her memories and grew up as a normal person.

The second thing is Jeremiah's attitude when he saw MC. If she was just a substitute, would he accidentally say: "Long time no see..."?

Apparently Jeremiah also considered Earth MC to be Philos MC. When he could help her, he said: “I just never thought I’d actually able to help you.” In this statement I feel intimacy, respect and a little guilt. Perhaps Jeremiah was always worried about the fact that he couldn't help MC much while in Philos.

[sequinsmile-x]

Stained Glass Windows - Chapter Seventy

Life was complicated, but they wouldn't have it any other way.

-x-

Hi friends,

I cannot believe we are at chapter 70!! As I always say, I love this version of them so much, and I am constantly blown away by the love you've shown for them too.

When I first started writing SGW, I initially intended to end it around the end of season 7, and now we are on the cusp of starting season 7 in this universe...I can't imagine ending it so soon! So, as I always say - as long as you're still reading and enjoying...I'll keep writing it <3

I hope you enjoy this, and please let me know what you think!

-x-

Words: 2.6k

A full list of warnings for the fic can be found on the Series Master List.

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

Aaron frowns curiously as he closes the car door, his eyes fixed on the delivery truck parked on his driveway. 

He feels a familiar sense of relief as he steps into his home, the weight he would always carry on his shoulders in the outside world disappearing the second he closes the door behind him. 

“Daddy’s home!” Emily says from the living room, her voice full of joy. He follows the sound of it, abandoning his go bag in the foyer, desperate to see his family after being away for a few days. He smiles as soon as he sees them, all sitting on the floor together, Lily sitting between Emily’s legs with Jack opposite them, one of Lily’s favourite toys between them. Aaron is barely in the living room when Jack runs at him, his arms tight around his legs as he beams up at him. 

“Hi Daddy, I missed you,” Jack says, giggling as Aaron picks him up and tickles him, stamping a kiss against his son’s cheek.

Emily stands up and then picks up Lily, resting the little girl on her hip as she walks over, pressing a kiss to Aaron’s lips, smiling widely as she pulls back, “I missed you too.” 

Aaron smiles and leans in to kiss Lily’s forehead before he runs his knuckles down her cheek, “I missed all of you.” 

“You’re back for Lily’s birthday party tomorrow!” Jack exclaims, clapping his hands as Aaron kisses him again and then puts him down. 

“Wouldn’t have missed it for the world, buddy,” he says, winking at his wife as their eyes meet. They’d both been disappointed when the team had been pulled onto a case just a few days ago, and he’d worried he’d miss his little girl’s first birthday. He’d felt nothing short of relieved when they’d caught the unsub, using information Penelope had found seemingly out of nowhere to catch him. Aaron had decided it was best he didn’t ask too many questions, more than happy to rely on plausible deniability if it got him home in time for his little girl’s birthday.  He looks at his wife, his curiosity finally getting the better of him, “Why is there a truck in the driveway?” 

She sighs and kisses Lily’s temple before she sets her down, “Jack, can you look after your sister for me a minute?” She smiles when he nods enthusiastically and leads Aaron out of the room, coming to a stop in the hallway just outside the living room, “My mother sent Lily a gift,” she says, keeping her voice low so the kids don’t hear her. “There are two men building it in the backyard as we speak.” 

He frowns, looking back and forth between his wife and the back of the house, “Did you just say building it?”

Emily hums as she nods and presses her lips together, her arms crossed over her chest, “It’s a playhouse. But it’s huge,” she says through gritted teeth, “You could fit in it,” she says emphatically and he tries to clear his throat to stop himself from laughing, but he doesn’t quite manage it, “You think I’m kidding?” She casts a glance at Jack and Lily, satisfied they’d be fine for a few moments, and then grabs Aaron’s bicep and tugs him to the kitchen where the large pane windows give a good view of the backyard, “Look at it.” 

His response is cut off as he looks out the window, his eyes going wide as he takes in the giant, bright pink, castle that was being built at the bottom of their yard. The pieces of it dwarfing the two men who Elizabeth had sent over to build it. He looks back at his wife, whose face and crossed arms say nothing short of I told you so as she raises her eyebrows at him. 

 “Oh god,” he groans, pinching the bridge of his nose, “The neighbours are going to hate us.” 

“I know she still hasn’t met her,” Emily sighs and leans forward, pressing her forehead into his shoulder, “But said she wanted to send something, and she’s trying so I said she could,” she says, leaning into his embrace as he wraps his arms around her. She groans as she rests her cheek against his shoulder and looks back out at the yard, “But I thought she’d get her a toy or a trike or something…not her first piece of real estate.” 

Aaron does laugh this time, his chuckle lost against her hair as he kisses the top of her head, his hand back and forth as he tries to ease the tension there that only her mother could create.

“Sweetheart, it’s not that bad.” 

She frowns at him as she pulls back, “Not that bad? Honey, you could probably see that thing from space.” 

He tucks some of her hair behind her ear and leans in to kiss her, smiling as she immediately sinks into it, “We’ll get used to it.”

She hums and curls her arms around his shoulders, her hands linking at the back of his neck, “You know the worst part of it?” 

He stamps another kiss against her lips, “What?” 

“We won’t even be able to get rid of it because Lily will fucking love it.” 

___

Emily sighs contentedly as she stands in her backyard. She closes her eyes and takes in a deep breath, taking a moment to take it all in, to enjoy the beautiful simplicity of her daughter’s first birthday party. 

“Now there's something I never thought I’d see.” 

She opens her eyes when JJ speaks, appearing at her side with Penelope as they all look over the large playhouse. The doors were open just enough that Aaron and Lily were visible inside, the little girl’s laughter drowning out the rest of the party as she focused entirely on her father. 

“Where did that playhouse even come from?” Penelope asks, taking a picture of the sight in front of them, barely dragging her gaze away from Aaron and Lily playing, “It’s huge.”

Emily groans, “My mother got it,” she says, blowing out a breath, “And I hate it, and it’s ugly but Lily loves it, Jack too,” she adds, turning to look at her friends, “They were both so excited when we showed them this morning.” 

Penelope hums and looks around, her gaze shifting from the kids from Lily’s daycare, to the team, to Haley, and then back, “Where is your mother, anyway?” 

Emily smiles tightly and clears her throat, looking back at Lily and Aaron, her smile becoming real when she sees Jack has joined them in the playhouse. She still wasn’t comfortable with the idea of Elizabeth meeting Lily, and she knew her mother’s patience with it was wearing thin. She was doing better, Emily knew that, and she was sticking to her programme, but it was still hard. Years of pain and abandonment and never feeling like she was enough were hard to get past, and she wanted to protect her daughter from it until she could be sure Elizabeth would never let her down too. 

“She couldn’t make it,” she says simply, not wanting to share something she was only happy to share with Aaron.

“It’s nice you invited Haley,” JJ says, clearly sensing Emily didn’t want to talk about her mother anymore, and she smiles at her gratefully. 

“Jack asked if she could come and it only felt right that she did,” Emily says, smiling as she watches Haley and Dave talk animatedly on the other side of the backyard, “It’s…complicated sometimes, but our kids are siblings and always will be.” 

“Speaking of siblings…” Penelope says, waggling her eyebrows as Emily looks up at her, “When are you and bossman going to make another adorable baby?” 

Emily chokes on a laugh, the sound catching in her chest as she shakes her head. It was something she’d been thinking about a lot in the lead-up to Lily’s birthday, the 12 months that she’d need to wait between pregnancies that she’d been quoted by her doctor looming ever closer. She wanted another baby more than anything, wanted to give Jack and Lily a sibling, but she was highly aware that, if things had been different, if she hadn’t miscarried and the pregnancy had been safe for her to carry, she would have only been weeks away from giving birth again. It hurt to think about it, the grief never far away, but she didn’t want that to stop her from moving forward. She’d let fear stop her from having what she’d wanted too many times in the past. She looks up, torn from her thoughts, as she hears Aaron and Lily laugh together, and she smiles, warmth spreading in her chest. 

She wanted her family to grow, to give her children what she’d never had growing up. 

“We want more,” she says, putting her hand up to stop Penelope’s delighted gasp before it even escapes, “But that is all the detail you’re getting until I tell you I’m pregnant.” 

Penelope pouts but then she nods reluctantly, “Fine. If I get another adorable BAU baby to spoil I’m sure I can respect your privacy.”

Emily laughs at her friend’s sigh, the way she says it as if it’s a heavy burden, but any further conversation is cut off as Aaron calls out for her, suddenly a lot closer than he had been before, “Em, someone wants her Mommy.”

She smiles as she turns to look at him, already reaching out for a grumpy-looking Lily, “It is almost nap time,” she says, kissing the little girl's head as she takes her into her arms, “Even the birthday girl needs to rest.” 

“Mama,” Lily grumbles, sounding sorry for herself as she buries her face in Emily’s chest, drawing sympathetic sounds from all the adults around her.

“Oh, sweet girl,” Emily says, kissing the side of her head again as she runs her hand up and down her back. She looks up at Aaron and smiles, “I’ll go put her down for a little while.” 

She hums softly to Lily as she climbs the stairs, trying to soothe her to sleep with her lips against her forehead. She attempts to lower her into the crib but Lily grunts and holds onto Emily’s shirt, her tiny fists tight in the material of it. Emily chuckles and rests her cheek on top of her daughter’s head as she walks over to the armchair in the corner of the room and settles into it. 

“Okay, baby,” she says, rocking them back and forth as Lily settles against her chest, “I’ll stay here with you.” 

“Mama,” Lily cries, pressing her face into Emily’s neck, fighting sleep just like she always had.

“I know, Lils,” she hums sympathetically, “You’ll feel better if you sleep,” she kisses the top of her head, “Why doesn’t Mama sing for you, huh?” 

Lily babbles, her grip on Emily’s shirt tightening, her small, but sharp nails, digging into her skin. Emily takes that as a response, and runs her hand up and down her back, pressing her lips against her forehead as she starts to sing a song she’d sung to her little girl since before she was born.

“Au creux de ton oreiller. Un beau rêve passera, Et tu l'attraperas. Un beau rêve passera, Et tu le retiendras.”

She sighs happily as she feels Lily get heavier against her chest and she closes her eyes, trying to figure out where the last year of her life had gone, how she’d gone from having a newborn to a one-year-old in what felt like no time at all. 

She rests her cheek on top of Lily’s head and breathes her in, “Mommy loves you, sweet girl.” 

___

“I don’t think either of them have ever gone to sleep so quickly,” Aaron says as he joins Emily on the couch, his hand warm and heavy on her thigh. She smiles and rests her cheek on his shoulder, wrapping both her arms around his as she snuggles into his side. 

“It’s been a long day,” she says, humming when he kisses her forehead, “They might actually both sleep until morning.” 

He laughs, “We can only hope,” he says, placing his hand over one of hers, tilting his head to look at her when she doesn’t reply, “Are you okay, sweetheart?” 

“Yeah,” she replies, blowing out a slow breath as she looks up at him, “I’m okay. I just…” she chuckles humourlessly, the sound wet as it catches in her chest, “I can’t believe she’s one,” she sniffs, tears she doesn’t understand burning at the back of her eyes, “I don’t know where the last year has gone.” 

He unhooks his arm from between hers and wraps it around her, pulling her closer so she’s practically in his lap as he kisses the top of her head, “I know,” he assures her, “But she’s still our little girl. It’s a long time before she’ll be going off to college, or getting a job. Or dating.” 

She laughs, wiping tears from her cheeks as she pulls back to look at him, “Interesting order that you put those things in.” 

He shrugs, faking his stern expression as he tries to cheer her up, “My little Lily-Pad isn’t dating until she’s at least 30.” 

She laughs again, the sound more genuine this time and she shakes her head at him, pressing her palm against his cheek as she leans in to kiss him, “I can’t believe you’re going to force me to be the cool parent.” 

He winks at her and stamps a kiss against her lips and then her nose, “I think we’re going to be equally as protective.” 

She smiles and nods, knowing it is true. That whilst she’d do whatever it took to make sure her children were happy, she’d also protect them with everything she had. She breathes in deeply, trying to force out some of the melancholy that had settled into her lungs, desperate to feel nothing but joy on her daughter’s birthday. 

“You know…” she says, shifting in his lap, making sure her knees were next to his hips, “It’s been 12 months,” she says, leaning in to kiss him, her lips ghosting against his cheek and then his jaw, “And we’re not getting any younger,” she pulls back, her teeth sinking into her lower lip, “We should get working on another baby sometime soon.” 

He squeezes her hips, the brief flash of concern in his chest, the memory of the danger she’d been in this time last year fleeting, chased away by love and desire that burns throughout his body. He wanted this, he wanted to build their family, but he never wanted to risk her. They’d discussed it endlessly over the last few months, and he knew they would continue to do so until and after she was pregnant again. 

For now, he shakes those thoughts away, wanting nothing more than to just focus on his wife and the love they had for each other, 

“Sweetheart,” he says, his voice rough as he pulls her impossibly closer so they are chest to chest, “You have an IUD.” 

She rolls her eyes at him as she plays with the collar of his polo shirt, “I’ll make an appointment to get it removed,” she says, leaning in closer, her lips just out of each of his, “Until then we can…practice.” 

He smiles, swallowing her gasp as he tugs her in to kiss her fiercely, only breaking away just far enough to respond.

“Practice is good.” 

-x-

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[derpinette]

memory: when i was a toddler OMW back home with my mother on one of those intercity travel buses when we suddenly heard women screaming only for me to look down & see dozens upon dozens of cockroaches running up my legs & under my dress

[steviescrystals]

i seriously need to get a new job and start making money again asap bc i cannot keep living at home much longer it’s driving me insane

(wrote an entire essay in the tags without meaning to oops)