#if anyone actually read this please i’m begging you there are nice things to do

[laikabu]

re: my thoughts on laios’s sexuality (long post ahead lol)

let me start this post with this. first, this contains a lot of references to the new adventurer’s bible world guide book released last february. i can read japanese, but i’m sure they’re translated somewhere. general spoiler warning in case. also… i am ESL, so sorry for any grammar errors

second, if you’re on the team that insists laios doesn’t care about humans enough to form relationships, either read the manga again or at the very least read this thread.

last, please don’t chime in with your acearo headcanons on this post. there’s already a majority of posts here that insist laios is acearo and that anything else is impossible. i don’t like it the same way i don’t like when someone declares they hc marcille as bisexual to a poster who reads her as lesbian. i already have enough people here who declare he’s ace on my own art. at least people on twitter of all places don’t do this sort of thing to me. nothing in this manga is canon, you can headcanon anything i won’t get mad if you hc him as bi or something. just. don’t be weird on my post.

okay. trust me, i love women, and i love the idea of making my favs women lovers but the idea of laios being gay really appeals to me because of his background. this isn’t fueled by yaoi since i don’t even ship the only m/m relationship i bring up here, i just think it adds a nice layer to his disconnect with his own humanity

i do think laios has a very abstract relationship with his sexuality for a multitude of reasons. he grew up in a very conservative backwater village. he has a hard time recognizing his own feelings towards others just as much as vice versa. i don’t really care for the “laios is a monsterfucker” agenda people are pushing but i do think he’d engage in sexual thoughts in his own weird way, i won’t deny his deviantart fetish shit

as an autistic person myself, i relate to how he’d prioritize his special interest over social interactions. after all, he was fixated on monster food so he’s distracted from dark thoughts. he’s not an actual glutton

he’s shy around women, but i don’t think it’s out of attraction. i just think it’s because he’s awkward and doesn’t want to be seen as a threat. there’s a couple of times when, out of armor, he deliberately tries to make himself look smaller and nonthreatening.

he didn’t show any interest towards ashivia (the hubby hunter girl marcille replaced) and just humored her because she wouldn’t leave him alone. his other party members thought he was giving her special treatment so he had to tell her he “doesnt want to give her special treatment anymore”(even though he never did), so she left

ashivia did her best to butter herself up to laios and he didn’t care, but laios thought shuro was his bestest friend in the whole world because he was too much of a pushover to reject him. ironically… what ashivia did to him parallels what he was doing to shuro

also… yeah sorry i keep bringing up that one comic of laios saying if he were falin he’d marry shuro and then begging him to take him back to his country, or that comic of laios wondering why he doesn’t like him(and then the first two questions he asks the magic mirror was what if he or shuro were women). i don’t even ship them! but it’s not a reach to assume that he likes men because of this, even if it’s kinda played like a joke(after all,a lot of people like chilshi even though their ‘shippy’ interaction was played as a joke)

of course, given the setting, i don’t think knows he’s gay, he wouldn’t have the vocabulary to label himself. i do want to dance around with the idea of him forcibly confronting his own sexuality after years of yaad pressuring him to produce heirs lol. laios might not be cishet but he’s a king so he rdgaf about that right now. i’m open to him having female consorts for political reasons, but i don’t think he’s into women, is all.

before anyone brings up his succubus… god forbid an author makes hetbait. a part of the plot twist was that not-marcille wasn’t the only succubus enticing laios, his other party members were copied too. she was the only one who approached him. also… succubi aren’t always inherently romantic. once it realized marcille didn’t work, it switched to appeal to his desire to be a monster.

[babyhatesreality]

Hi if you take request I just have this in my mind:

Sometimes when you are somewhere outside (like in a mall) you get distracted by all those people and colorful stores. And if you don’t hold your daddies hands you will easily go another way.

So what if she is to distracted by something and Steve and Bucky just further without noticing that she didn’t follow (maybe they are stressed or smt like that) and she just follows someone who looks like one of her daddy’s and she only notices later that this was not her daddy and she was lost.

Okay so first things first, I'm old and don't know how to put the two similar asks together nicely so here’s a screenshot and get off my lawn. :P (edited to add: Also for @justme1234456 who requested this too!<3)

Second, I had to alter both asks a bit to align it with what I see as canon in my AU. I really hope that’s okay, and I’m sorry if this isn’t what you were looking for. I have to be honest about what I think could actually happen in this little world I’ve created otherwise I just can’t write it truthfully. If that offends anyone, I’m truly sorry for hurting feelings, and I encourage you to find what you’re needing with many of the other insanely-more-talented-than-I-am writers on this site. 

Break Away

Pairing: Daddy!Stucky x little f!reader

Warnings: DDLG (SSC), language, pet names, praise, scared reader, angst, tears, large and pushy crowds, overprotective Papa and Daddy, fluff fluff fluff and did I mention fluff? 

YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN MEDIA CONSUMPTION. THIS STORY IS SFW- THE REST OF MY BLOG IS NOT NECESSARILY SO. MINORS DNI. I DO NOT CONSENT FOR MY WORK TO BE STOLEN, COPIED, OR TRANSLATED ONTO ANY OTHER SITE BUT MY OWN. Likes, comments and reblogs are deeply appreciated. 

What started as a nice walk in the park quickly turned into one of their worst nightmares. 

It had been raining for days in New York. Normally you wouldn’t have minded, having a massive pile of toys to play with and books to have read to you, and an endless supply of other family members in the tower to keep you entertained. But you were fidgety, constantly needing to be on the move. Your daddies had taken you to the big gym floor and set you loose on the giant running track, they’d taken you to the Olympic-sized indoor pool, and they’d even managed to convince Tony to let them take the Quinjet on a quick spin around the state. All of which managed to keep you satisfied...for that day. Then the next day they’d find you with your nose pressed up against the sliding glass door to the patio, watching the pouring rain, asking politely if you could go outside. Four thousand times in a row. 

Finally the rain let up right before your bedtime, and the ground became okay enough to not be a giant puddle by morning. You were so excited about going outside, wiggling around so much, that Bucky later grumbled to Steve that it had been easier escaping from the German army than getting you into your coat and rain boots. 

“We goin’ to the park, we goin’ to the park, we goin’ to the PAAAAAAAAAAARK!!!” you sung at the top of your little lungs, running back and forth with joy as you held onto Steve and Bucky’s hands, walking through the hallways of the tower. You squealed in delight when they both lifted their arms in tandem, swinging you into the air. “Again again please!!” you begged, laughing uproariously with delight when they obliged. 

Steve grinned down at you as you giggled gleefully. He was craving the fresh air just as much as you were and felt as joyful as you did. “Okay, so when we get to Central Park, what are you going to do, angel?” he asked you. 

“Hold your hand always!”

“That’s my smart girl. You hold my hand or Daddy’s hand at all times. And what happens if we get separated and you don’t see us?”

“Look for a ‘Venger to help!” 

“Right again! I’m so proud of you!” You giggled and blushed, wiggling around extra hard to let Papa know how happy his praise made you. “Now. Last one. If you don’t see someone who can help you, what do you do?”

“Light up shoes and stay PUT!”

“Great job, baby!” Steve cheered, suddenly swinging around and lifting you up into the air while you laughed crazily. All the littles in the Avengers Tower had light up shoes with tiny trackers in them, so if anything ever happened to them outside the tower and they were in little space, they’d always have a tracker on them that a caregiver could follow. It wasn’t too hard to convince any little to wear the shoes that lit up when they stomped; in fact, you all had gone through several pairs of light up shoes, delighted at the light up features. Hey, the system worked. 

Bucky grinned at the two of you, reaching back out for your hand the moment your feet touched the ground. “Good job remembering the rules, Trouble,” he said. You wiggled with joy and blushed again, making him chuckle. He looked up at his husband. “You sure you wanna try this without caps and glasses?” he asked again, raising his eyebrows. “No disguises at all?”

Steve smile warmly at his worrywart husband. “We’re not undercover, Buck. We live in this city too, and everyone already knows it anyways. It’ll be okay, and if it’s not, we’ll just ask people to respect our space or we’ll go a different direction. It’ll be fine.”

Bucky kept the smile, but tightened his grip on your hand. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little while later, the three of you were enjoying the birds singing, the fresh, cool breeze blowing through the trees, and the hum of human activity all around you. It was so lovely, it seemed like everyone in New York City was trying to get outside to see the sun. You held tight to your daddies’ hands, but your head was constantly whipping around, trying to take in all the sights at once.  

Suddenly, there was a scream in the distance. Bucky and Steve’s heads snapped in the direction of the sound automatically, their grips tightening on yours. Out of nowhere, this group of seven or eight teens came barreling at the three of you, all with their phones out, screaming about Captain America and The Winter Soldier. With the speed of light, Bucky tucked you underneath his vibranium arm, cuddling you against his body to keep you safe. This meant you had to let go of Papa’s hand, and you tried to turn your head to make sure he was okay, but Daddy’s grip on you was too strong and you couldn’t see him. 

Before you knew it, the crowd grew suddenly larger, and you heard people pointing at the group of teens in recognition- they were something called a...’influencer’ or a ‘TikTok star’ or something...you didn’t understand all the yelling. You got very, very still, hanging desperately onto Daddy’s shirt as he tried to be polite- Avengers had an image to maintain, especially the ‘reformed’ ones like him- but get these people to back off. 

One of the boys grabbed onto the vibranium arm that was holding you, screaming about how cool it was. It scared you so badly, not seeing this boy until his hands were reaching right where you were at and the loudness, that you stumbled backwards, causing you to slip out from underneath Bucky’s arm.

 Bucky’s head whipped around the second he lost contact with you. “Steve!” he hollered over the melee as he tried to move the kid away from you. “Get her!” All you caught was a glimpse of Steve’s searching blue eyes before a tidal wave of people crashed into you. It was insane- some sort of mob mentality had taken over. Between the two famous Avengers and the internet sensations surrounding them, everyone lost their minds. You tried to push against the tide, tried desperately to keep your eyes on either of them, but the crush of the crowd was too much. Your throat choked up in fear- you couldn’t even call out for them. You were carried away by the wave. It seemed to go on forever and you couldn’t stop it as it pushed you farther and farther away. 

Finally there was a break in the people that had been crowding you, and you pushed with all your might to get free of the mob. Trying to keep calm and be brave, you looked around, remembering Rule #2 as hard as you could. Your heart leapt when you saw a long mane of red hair a distance away, and you instantly ran towards it, thinking it was Aunt Natasha. Just as you were about to throw your arms around the woman, she suddenly turned. It wasn’t Auntie Nat. You mumbled an awkward apology and ran in the other direction, embarrassed. 

Gulping hard to try to keep your scared sobs inside, you came to a halt. You looked around and didn’t see anything you recognized. There was a pretty, tall fountain with an angel on top close to you, but you didn’t remember it from before. “Light up shoes and stay put,” you whispered to yourself. “Light up shoes and stay put.” You stomped your feet as hard as you could, seeing the rainbow lights activate. You looked around desperately, waiting for them to come and rescue you. You stomped harder and harder, the tears building in your eyes. No Papa. No Daddy. You slowly walked the few steps to the fountain and carefully sat down, the tears now running down your face. Every now and then, you stomped your feet to keep the shoes lit up. “Please find me,” you whispered tearfully, pleading into the air. 

Suddenly, there were shrieks and gasps coming from in front of you. You looked up to see people suddenly rushing to the sides, looking like they were dodging to get out of the way of a speeding train. And they were. A speeding train in the form of Daddy. 

Bucky came racing towards you faster than you’d ever seen anyone run. You could almost see the flames coming off his feet. The crowd parted for him, but he didn’t give two flying fucks if he ran any of them over. With barely a bend of the knees, he came flying over the stone balustrade walls surrounding the fountain, his eyes locked on your tiny form. All you could do was reach your hands to him before he reached you, scooping you up and crushing you to his chest like he was never going to let you go again. 

You just clung to him, still too frightened to do anything else. “Hey, it’s okay baby, it’s okay, Daddy’s here. Daddy’s here and he’s not letting you go,” Bucky was murmuring into your ear, so fast you could barely make out the words. “I am so sorry baby. Daddy will never let that happen again, you hear me? Never again. Never, never again. I’m right here.” You just whimpered and nodded, your tears soaking the front of his shirt. You heard another set of feet come to a screeching halt near you, but you were still too worked up to turn to see if it was Papa. You knew if it wasn’t, Daddy was going to keep you safe, and that was all you could handle at the moment. “Deep breaths, baby, can you do that for me? Can you take some deep breaths?” Daddy asked frantically, tilting his head back to look at you. “Can you take some deep breaths with me? Some deep breaths with Daddy?” You managed to nod again, and relief flooded his face. “That’s my good girl. Okay, we’re gonna sit down and take some breaths together.”

Bucky sat on the edge of the fountain where he’d found you. He turned you in his lap so you could see Steve sitting next to the both of you. Your left hand shot out instantly, needing to touch him too. Steve took your hand, covering it with his other, stroking and patting it, his eyes a warring storm of fear and relief, while Bucky held you tight, 

“Okay, baby, let’s breathe together. You remember how we breathe when we’re scared?” Daddy asked, looking down at you, his tone a bit calmer now. You could see he was still struggling too, and that gave you the nudge to be brave enough to breathe together. You nodded. “We can do it. We’ll do it together, Daddy and Baby. Okay, here we go. Breathe in.” You two locked eyes and breathed in, Bucky counting as he inhaled. “One, two, three, four,” he said on the air, then nodded at you. You held your breath with him as his lips moved, counting to four again, but not letting any air out. “Breathe out, one, two, three, four, five, six,” Bucky said, keeping his eyes locked on you while you went through the exercise together. He silently counted to six as you held your breath again. You went through the cycle three times together, feeling better and better each time. When you finished, Daddy smiled proudly at you. “I knew you could do it, Baby. Daddy loves you so much.”

“Love you too Daddy,” you said, tucking your forehead into his chest again, happy that he was okay now too. You brought Papa’s hand up to your face. “Love you too Papa.” You squeezed his fingers, pressing them in to your cheek.

“Papa loves you so much,” Steve responded, his voice tight with emotion. “Are you okay honey?” You pursed your lips for a moment, but nodded. 

“M’okay. Big peoples.”

“Yeah, that crowd was crazy, right?”

“Too loud.”

“Definitely too loud. I’m so sorry baby, that should never have happened.”

“They all go away?”

“Yeah, they’re all away now. You remember how Uncle Tony says that he can watch everybody everywhere?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, he saw on his cameras that the mean crowd was bothering us and his flying suits came to help.”

“WOW.”

“We’ll have to thank him when we get home.”

“Okay, I help.”

Both your daddies chuckled, relieved that you were starting to sound like you again. “What do you think, Baby? Do you want to go home?” Bucky asked, bouncing you a little, trying to gauge how you were feeling. 

“Um,” you said. Now that you were over the fear, you weren’t QUITE ready to be back inside just yet. “We look at duckies please?” The men exchanged a quick look, checking in with each other, before they turned back to you, smiling. 

“Okay, Trouble, we will go look at the ducks,” Bucky said softly, before placing a kiss on your forehead. “Good manners.” He stood up and was about to tell you that you were only staying at the park if he carried you for the rest of the day, but the iron grip you had on his tee shirt and the way your legs locked around his waist let him know that you had no intention of being set down, anyways. He pressed another kiss into your hair. 

They walked to a quieter section by the water, grinning and laughing as you insisted on pointing to each and every duck, naming them one by one. After about ten minutes, Steve got a pedicab to get you all back to the street so you wouldn’t have to walk through all the people again. You’d made a full recovery by the time you all got back to Avengers’ Tower, babbling excitedly about all the ducky friends you’d made today and making plans to bring them bread tomorrow.

But Bucky still didn’t set you down for the rest of the evening. And you were okay with that. 

[justagalwhowrites]

Prompt 89 please

Hi Bestie!!

Thank you for this request! This was a fun one, I decided to do the DBF!Joel and Reader I did a one shot about a few weeks back. You can find that here for context but you can definitely just read this sucker all on its own.

Long Distance

You and Joel have been making long distance work but this week, things hit a bit of a snag.

Written from Prompt 89: “YOU SENT ME PICTURES OF YOU NAKED WHILE I WAS IN A WORK MEETING!”

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader (Same couple as DBF!Joel from Homecoming)

Warnings: SMUT! Masturbation (female), Oral (f receiving), unprotected PIV sex (wrap it up y'all!) No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ only

Length: 2.5K

If you were going to make a list of things that sucked, you knew exactly where you’d start. 

It used to be delays on the L making you late for work and the grocery store around the corner from your apartment being sold out of your favorite wine. 

Now? 

Distance. Long distance. 

Long distance really fucking sucked. 

Especially when you were stuck working with your ex and - not that it was a competition - but you’d totally won the breakup. Joel was so much hotter than your ex it wasn’t even funny. 

Well, it was kind of funny. 

It was also kind of funny how much better he was in bed, even if he had more than a decade on you - and anyone else you’d ever dated, for that matter. 

Not to mention the fact that you were fucking crazy about the guy. Even if he was your dad’s best friend and you were trying to keep the fact that you spent half of your visits home to Austin across the street at Joel’s getting absolutely destroyed a secret. 

“Your daddy’s gonna fuckin’ knock the shit out of me one of these days,” Joel muttered, still panting for breath as he lay next to you on the living room floor on your last visit. “I’ll deserve it, too, all the things I do to you…” 

“All the things I beg you to do to me you mean,” you smirked a little. 

“Fuckin’ dirty girl,” he growled. 

You glanced at him, wicked gleam in your eye. 

“Only for you,” you smirked. 

“Damn right only for me,” he said, and he was on you again. 

Normally, you made it work. You talked every day. The distance had been kind of nice for actually getting to know each other better. You hung out plenty when you visited but there was a limit to just how much you could get away with not being with your parents when visiting your parents. At least not without having an excuse - an excuse that neither you or Joel were ready to give quite yet. And when time was limited and Joel was there, his arms on display in those t-shirts that had to be tailored they fit so goddamn well and his eyes looking at you like he was starving and you were his favorite meal, talking wasn’t always on the top of the list. 

You were kind of surprised at how fast he’d become your best friend considering he lived more than 1,000 miles away. You’d become experts at the watch party function on Amazon Video, the two of you regularly watching a movie or working your way through a TV show while video chatting (frequently needing to rewind a few minutes when you got sidetracked talking) and you now had a usual way to set up your tablet at your breakfast bar so it was like the two of you were having dinner together. 

This week, however, he’d been all but MIA. He was still texting you periodically - always a good morning and good night and a check in part way through the day to see how things were going - but your usual phone dates had been ditched. 

“I’m so sorry, I’m just too slammed tonight,” Joel texted one night, only about 10 minutes before the call was supposed to start. “I have to get this project plan done.” 

“It’s pushing 9,” you texted back, trying to not sound like a total ass about it. 

“I know,” he replied. “Trust me, I ain’t happy about it either.” 

“Have fun with work,” you texted back, grinding your teeth. 

You’d checked the group chat you had with your girlfriends and saw where a few of them were going out that night. You put on a cute dress, did your hair and make-up and went to the bar. You took a selfie with one of your friends and cocktail in your hand - your tits looking particularly good in this dress -  and posted it to Instagram with the caption “Ladies nights are the best nights.” 

Joel texted you 20 minutes later. 

“Low blow, Princess.” 

You smirked and texted back. 

“Don’t know what you mean.” 

He’d canceled every other night that week, too. You got the feeling he was keeping something from you and you didn’t like it. You had a three day weekend that weekend and had mentioned maybe coming down to visit weeks ago but Joel had asked you not to. 

“Not even really worth the trip,” he said. “Don’t want you goin’ through all that trouble…” 

Your boss let you off a few hours early Thursday afternoon and you went home, a little frustrated about the fact that you didn’t have plans for the weekend. You’d been kind of hoping Joel would reach out and see if you wanted to do a movie marathon or something one day but it hadn’t come up. But you’d left the weekend wide open. Like an idiot. 

“So stupid,” you muttered, unzipping your skirt and unbuttoning your silky blouse. But when you caught sight of yourself in your full length mirror, you felt… well, like you looked damn good. Your hair and makeup were surprisingly intact after your commute home, the bra you had on was one of your favorites… 

You left your thigh high stockings on and slipped your feet back into your heels and you struck a pose in front of the mirror, your shirt open to reveal a glimpse of the black lace bra with matching panties. You snapped the photo and texted it to Joel. 

“Hope your day is going well.” 

You took off the shirt and turned around in the mirror, so you could see just how well the black lace thong highlighted the shape of your ass. You took a photo of that, too.

“I got off work early,” you typed, sending that photo along, too. 

You posed carefully, looking up at the camera almost like you would if you were on your knees in front of him to suck him off, aligning things so he had the perfect view of your cleavage. 

“Too bad I don’t have anything to do.” 

You took off the bra then and got one of your more… sizable toys from your nightstand, the one that reminded you most of Joel, and you lay down on the bed. You carefully arranged things and framed up the shot, making it so he could just see the burgundy tint of your lips, the way your necklace fell into the hollow of your throat and the toy set between your breasts. 

“Figured I’d take care of things myself since you’ve got better things to do.” 

You tossed your phone to the corner of the bed and slipped off your panties, fantasizing about everything Joel had done to you the last time you’d come to visit, fucking yourself hard but not feeling particularly satisfied when you were done. 

You sighed and cleaned the toy and put on some leggings and a tank top with a hoodie you’d stolen from Joel and realized that you’d spent the last two hours in your own head with your fingers rubbing your clit and you had no idea what to have for dinner. You retrieved your phone from where it had gotten kicked onto the floor mid-orgasm and realized you had a bunch of missed calls and texts from Joel. 

“Going better now, Princess,” the first text said. “But take it easy on me, heading into a meeting.” 

“Oh shit,” you winced. He was probably somewhere without great signal, everything was showing as sent on your end by the time he started replying. 

It only got worse from there. 

“Baby, you are sexy as hell but now ain’t the time,” the next text said. “Please listen and cool it, I have to present.” 

“What did I just say?” 

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?” 

“ANSWER YOUR DAMN PHONE PRINCESS.” 

You checked your voicemail, putting it on speaker as you winced.

“YOU SENT ME PICTURES OF YOU NAKED WHILE I WAS IN A WORK MEETING!” 

Yeah, you had. That… that was exactly what you’d done. 

“I get that you’re pissed at me right now, Baby, but fuckin’ hell, you can’t just do that shit! Next time I see you, you’re gonna regret that.” 

You tried to call him back and apologize - or at least explain - but it went straight to voicemail. 

“Apparently not that important to you,” you muttered, tapping the phone on your hand and going to find a movie to watch, one that Joel would hate so you’d keep yourself busy and not feel like you were missing out. 

When you started feeling hungry, you went in and ordered enough Indian food on Uber Eats to last you the weekend and went to pick the next movie to watch. But it was only about 15 minutes after you’d ordered that there was a knock on your door. You frowned. 

“That was suspiciously fast,” you muttered, going for the door and not bothering to look through the peep hole. 

But it wasn’t the delivery guy standing there. 

It was Joel. 

“What!” You yelped, launching yourself at him, throwing your arms around his neck. He caught you, his arms going around your waist as you kissed all the parts of his skin you could reach. “What the hell are you doing in Chicago? I thought you were busy this weekend…” 

“Tryin’ to surprise you,” he muttered into your shoulder. “Been tryin’ to cram a week’s worth of work into four days so I could see you…” 

“Joel!” You leaned back from him and he set you back on the ground. “You should have said something!” 

“Now where’s the fun in that?” He asked as you pulled him into your apartment. He set his bag down on the couch and draped his jacket on the back of one of your bar stools. “Now, you really sittin’ up here thinkin’ I was losin’ interest? That why you sent me those photos?” 

“Maybe…” you said, sheepish. 

“How about I go fix that,” he said, tugging you tight to his body and kissing you deeply. 

You pulled him back to your bedroom, pulling at his clothes on the way. He slid the hoodie off of you and frowned. 

“This mine?” He asked. You shrugged, smiling a little. “Been lookin’ for that.” 

“I look better in it,” you replied. 

He laughed. 

“Well that’s the fuckin’ truth.” 

He pushed you back onto the bed and immediately pulled your leggings down your body, tossing them on the chair in the corner before he all but dove between your legs, spreading your thighs wide. 

“Look at this,” he ran a thumb over your wet slit. “My messy girl, takin’ matters into her own hands…” 

You whimpered. 

“Thinkin’ you might have gotten your fill earlier,” he said, brushing your clit with his thumb. “Thinkin’ this should all be for me, now. Since you sent me all those dirty pictures and I haven’t had a chance to take care of a damn thing. Been hard for you for fuckin’ hours…” 

He licked along your seam, from your grasping entrance up to your clit before thrusting his tongue inside you, the move harsh and insistent. 

“Joel!” You gasped, your hand going to his head, fingers digging into his curls. He just moaned against you, his thumb working your clit as he devoured you. 

He knew exactly how to get you off and he did everything to bring you right to the edge before pulling back again and again, your whole body tense and needy. You whimpered and keened as he unzipped his jeans, pulling his dripping length out and rubbing it while kneeling between your thighs. You squirmed, trying to find something - anything - to give you some friction. 

“Havin’ problems there, Princess?” He asked, his mouth shiny with your slick. “Wonder what that’s like, bein’ stuck lookin’ at exactly what you want and not in a position to do a damn thing about it…” 

“I’m sorry,” you moaned. “I didn’t get your texts until after all mine had sent, I swear I wasn’t trying to be THAT mean!” 

“Oh, so just a little mean?” He asked, lowering himself so his cock was brushing against your sex. “That all?” 

“Just…” you panted and rocked your hips, trying to get him to properly fuck you. “Just wanted to make you want me…” 

“Always wantin’ you,” he said, snapping his hips forward and filling you totally in one move. You gasped, your cunt starting to squeeze and pulse around him. He grunted at the feeling of it, one of his hands flying to your clit, working you through your orgasm. “Fuck, that’s right Baby, take it…” 

“Fuck, Joel,” you moaned, almost crying with the force of your orgasm. 

He started to fuck you - really fuck you - before it was over, your body immediately tightening around him again, not even a second of relief from your release. 

“Told you you were gonna regret it,” his voice was harsh, rough. He lifted your legs so your ankles were by his shoulders, running his hands over your calves and thighs, getting even deeper into you with his new angle. “Fuck you feel good, not gonna last long…” 

He drove into you hard and unrelenting, like he was trying to push himself fully into your overwrought body. One of his arms wrapped around your thighs, holding the backs of them to his stomach, while the other had reached between your legs to work your clit and you cried out at the contact, the feeling almost too much, your body almost too tight around him. 

“Gonna cum on those perfect fuckin’ tits,” he panted. “Make sure you know how much I fuckin’ want you, even when I’m not around…” 

You came around him with a pathetic cry and he fucked you through this orgasm, too, before he all but ripped himself from your body and leaned over you, jerking his cock with your slick just twice before spilling himself over your chest. He collapsed beside you, panting for breath. 

“Jesus Christ,” you said once you were able to form words again. 

“Missed you too, Baby,” he said, still a little breathless. 

You smiled a little. 

“So you’re saying that if I want you to come and fuck me senseless, all I have to do is send you nudes when you’re busy?” You asked, turning your head to look at him. He looked back, glaring at you. 

“Swear to God Princess…” he looked like a predator about to pounce and you felt the heat that you’d thought you’d exhausted gather low in your stomach again when there was a knock at your front door. 

You laughed. 

“That would be dinner,” you said. “Would you mind getting that? I’m a bit of a mess…” 

He pulled his pants on and grabbed his shirt. 

“Saved by bell,” he winked. “But I think we’re gonna need to finish this conversation later…” 

You smiled. 

“Looking forward to it.”

[writing-for-me-at-this-point]

Found You | Danny “Jed Olsen” Johnson | Ghostface, Dead By Daylight

Sum. Jed Olsen watches as you seemingly fall from sanity, watching in amusement as you attempt to run from the killer. You have no choice but to attempt to save yourself, but as you lose hope, you realize that in the end, you have no choice.

Warnings. paranoia mentions, cursing, intimacy with a killer(?)

Word Count. 2127 words

Reader. fem!reader

A.N. i haven’t actually written anything in almost a year so pls be nice yall :’) i tried my best and ill have more things coming out soon

There's something in the way Jed keeps his eye on you, that leaves you feeling odd, feeling… pinned.

i.

His gaze is friendly, it's warm, and empty. The way his pupils seem to see a bit too large, lulling the naïve or those under the social contract into a mutual agreement of silence, and leaving you unable to rip his gaze from the back of your head. You felt like prey, being stalked, hunted.

But Jed is just so great.

He's an amazing writer, brings in hundreds of thousands of reads, and makes meaningful connections for his career. He’s got a great sense of humor. He’s good-looking. He’s a great conversationalist. He puts on a great show.

A show.

Jed Olsen is a liar, an obsessive man.

You feel his eyes on your body as you stand in your coworkers office, in a small group of four, chattering away about deadlines and word choice, propaganda, and anything else to do with your friends' writings and stories ready to be sent in and revised. You only half-listen, your cheeks felt like someone lit a match to them as your body screamed in fear, begging you to leave the room with walls of glass, to get his gaze off your body.

You excuse yourself, and walk to your own office, the hunt is on, and while you feel the eyes fleeting from your body, the sensation of being prey never leaves. You’re clocking out early. That's it. You’ll work from the safety of your home. Away from the deep coffee eyes that can’t remove themselves from you. You shove your shit into the small backpack you have, hurrying as you send a message to your boss about needing to take some time off, and how you’ll be working from home. The stress seems to calm as you're ready to leave, calming as you weave through the other offices and wait for the elevator to come up, the feeling of eyes on you go.

Your heartbeat suddenly picks up as the door opens, filling your ears, and you hold your breath. Your name is called by the devil himself as you walk in, a hand on the doors, his figure taking up the entirety of the entrance. It’s ominous, how large he is, with such a nice face. A wolf in sheep’s skin.

“Hey there, you seem a little tense.” Jed smiles, before standing in front of the buttons, hitting P1 before asking you for your floor.

“The lobby, please.” You keep it short. 

“Oh? Leaving early? I hope you're feeling well.” His smile doesn’t reach his eyes, so he does it manually, like an AI attempting to mimic emotion. You don’t like this, being so close, it's suffocating. The elevator is only so big, the air is thick with tension, and his gaze is eating you up as it flickers up and down your figure.

“Yeah, I’m okay. Heading out of town for a couple days.” You lie.

“Sounds exciting. Are you leaving with anyone?” He’s expectant.

“My boyfriend. We’re visiting his mother for a celebration.” You lie, again.

“Boyfriend? Lucky man. Hope you have fun.” His smile is a bit strained, and his eyes are narrowed, jaw tightening at the word boyfriend.

The elevator opens to the lobby, and you're thankful to take the train home, something public. Where the safety of the herd keeps you safe, the social contract comes to mind, and you sigh with a real smile on your face this time.

“Yup. Well, thanks for the talk, see you around, Jed.” You step out quickly, and the doors start to close, his body moving to the center of the elevator, his eyes still on you as you turn to face him again.

The tension leaves as the door closes more, the air thinning, but the way his face rests sends a chill down your spine, and his eyes speak a thousand words. You know better than to speak out loud, to complain about him, to ask for help. 

Running is your only option.

But that look, the obsessive one, speaks to you as you watch the doors close.

I know you’re lying to me.

Your heart leaps from your chest, and you berate yourself mentally as you dissect every part of that conversation, that interaction. Why didn't you just ignore him? Just keep it simple? Why did you lie? Fuck, you should’ve taken the stairs, the next elevator. Do you not go home? Spend the night in a hotel? You have the funds, but is your paranoia getting the best of you? Or is this the beginning of something you know will haunt you? 

Fuck it. It seems to be your motto of the day. You pull up the hotels near the innermost part of the city, something nice, expensive, and good security. Your mind has been running all day, your survival is on the line, and you can’t even remember the morning you spent in your own apartment. Your memory is shot, and Jed Olsen is running around your mind and something about his fucking eyes-

Cold. Primal. Yearning, even.

No, don't think like that. This isn’t a time to look into things, especially since your emotions are running so high, your heart is racing and you feel like throwing up at certain points of your journey. 

But Jed-

Whatever that thing is, it’s not Jed. Jed is a façade. A fake. A personality. You can tell. From the way, it takes a moment, a split second, for him to answer his own name. The way he reverts to someone else when he's alone, calm, or thinks he's not being watched. Jed only comes out when he's interacting with people. When he wants something. To be liked.

To be normal.

“Are you checking in?” You snap back to reality, and suddenly your wallet is in your hand and you're speaking with the concierge, he’s looking expectantly. 

“Ah, yeah. I made a reservation? Under, shit, let me get my personal card.” You muttered, telling him your name and how you’ll only take a quick second to fish out your card, sighing in relief when the red plastic is free and between your fingers.

“Alrighty. And the room is a King Bed, skyline, and room service? Anything else you’d like to add or change?” He smiles, and your mind blanks once again, and you could only smile and shake your head before accepting the keycard.

The lobby is beautiful, golden and marble, open, and calm. It makes you feel revered and elegant but on your toes. Like a show is to be put on, but you decide to make your way to the elevator, and your body starts to relax, and you think that your days off will give you some peace.

Peace. Calm. Your head is spinning. Your body feels heavy as the adrenaline leaves your body. The cold wall of the inside of the elevator is welcoming, and the doors start to close, and you feel your body chill immeasurably.

Walking through the large, glass doors, is the thing you’re trying to escape.

How… how did he… find… me…?

Jed Olsen only smiles as he looks around, and spots you, before stopping to give you a small wave.

Your heart stops as you realize.

He’s smiling for real this time. At you. For you.

ii.

And you couldn’t help but melt.

The skyline view absorbs your attention, the door of your room is locked, your extra lock that is hooked around the deadbolt makes you feel something. But you couldn’t say it was safe. Your mind is empty as the same question runs through your mind over, and over, and over again.

How did he find me?

Me? How? Why?

Find me? How? How’d he… do that.

The sun starts to set, and the warmest colors fall behind the horizon as the Golden Hour soaks into the room, giving your body much needed warmth that gives you the semblance of comfort.

But you remind yourself this is a waiting game.

Do you cry? Should you cry? Will it make you feel better that you can’t escape the being that is him? 

Helplessness settles in, and your body falls into itself as the weight of your situation crashes onto you, laying down on your bed and letting a long breath escape your mouth. A few silent tears manage to escape, and your numbness only grows as you hear a card slide from the other side of the door, a small ping signaling the unlocking, and footsteps coming in slowly as it is locked behind Jed.

You hear muffled breathing, and don't bother to move, your fatigue and hopelessness crushing your body further into the mattress. The footsteps started again, heavy, confident, and in stride with confidence. 

“Hello, darlin’, I know you’re not sleepin’ there.” The voice is smooth, but doesn't sound quite right, and it's quite clear that a voice changer is being used.

A voice modulator.

Just like Ghostface was known to use.

Muffled breathing.

It was blocked by a mask.

You couldn’t help but let a loud laugh out. It was short. Loud. Obnoxious. And you couldn’t help but keep laughing. Your small giggles slowly turned into cackling as it became hard to breathe, your cheeks aching and your stomach started to cramp from the pain as your lungs burned.

You only heard a soft sigh, before the killer moved, watching as you rolled over on your back on the bed before he slid onto the mattress next to you. He’s sitting up, pillows against the headboard cushioning his back as he waited, knife sheathed in its holder as he looked straight ahead.

His eyes watched you intently, through the mask in his peripheral, taking a deep breath as he watched you slowly start to calm down.

“Hehe, wow.” You prolong your fake exclamation of surprise.

“I never would’ve thought… Jed Olsen… hehe, I really was naïve. Let my paranoia get in the way.” You spoke breathlessly, exciting the killer ever so slightly, fingers twitching at the sound of his name. His breathing is heavy, and you noticed the small signs, but you couldn’t care for the danger that lay next to you in the bed.

“Jed… why me?” You asked, calming down after a few moments, hands on your stomach as you lay flat on your back. He slowly turns his head in your direction, looks down, and tilts his head. A gloved hand moves slowly, from your wrist up your arm, and his body turns; he switches arms and leans in his left side, his right arm coming up to push your face towards his mask.

You only hear deep breathing again.

And ironically, you’re not scared. You can’t even feel your heartbeat, and you’re lightheaded, unable to think as you simply watch the Ghostface move slowly as he touches you. It was tender, curious, and predatory.

“Danny.” He’s curt.

“Danny? What happened to Jed?” You asked quietly, voice barely above a whisper, peering into the inky darkness of his mask.

“Jed isn’t real, darlin’” He’s slightly forceful in his speech, and you only nod, his hand cupping your face as you start to move.

“What is it you want from me then, Danny?” You asked, and his head tilted again, before he moved to slowly climb on top of you, knees on each side of your hips as his hands sunk into the area around your shoulders, barely touching you while the mask moved closer to your face.

“Do you really wanna know?” He’s musing, his breath is shaky, and you can only seem to hold your own.

If he wanted you dead, he would’ve done it, right when he walked into the room.

Ghostface liked to play with his prey, but not like this.

“Yeah…tell me, Danny.” Your voice is soft. He lets out a soft groan as he listens to his name slip off your tongue, not his fake one, but his real name- years since he’s been called Danny.

“Let’s keep this short then…” He trailed off, moving to sit on your pelvis, keeping most of his weight on his own legs that pinned your hips tightly under him. He chuckles just a bit, and something lifts in your head, still numb, but more interested.

“I just can’t seem to get you off my mind, and I really can’t bring myself to kill you.” He sighs.

“And since I can’t kill you,” He breathes deeply, bringing a hand to the mask, slowly pulling it from his face, his hood staying in place as the darkness of his eyes swallows you whole, a horrifying glee filling his face.

“I’ll just have to keep you, all to myself.”

[kneelingshadowsalome]

I read your fic Anhedonia a couple days ago and lemme tell you IT STAYS ON MY MF MIND. How she gives him absolutely nothing and he’s begging like ‘wtf can I do to get a reaction, a sound, anything’ I’m hhhhhh; obsessed, to say the least.

So I just basically wanted to know what it was like for Ghost and how he reacted when he was finally able to catch her before her morning diddles and really get a reaction out of her?

(Please I’m hungry, I’ll take crumbs at this point)

Aahhh I'm so glad! That fic is one of the meanest things I've written 🫣 Crumbs below the cut!

As almost always in my stories, we only see reader's pov but it's quite clear Ghost is just smitten with this soldier lady.

When she gets injured, it rips Ghost apart because even if he appears cold and calculative, he wants to ensure that no one gets hurt under his command. It pains him as a leader to see that his subordinate came so close to death; it pains him as a man to see that the woman he has a soft spot for almost got killed.

We can see Ghost's true feelings in his behavior: he tries to protect her, visits her when she's recovering, asks how she is, mourns how hard it is to get to know her and quite literally offers himself to her. He actually begs her to become his sweetheart and pet.

But what does she do? She returns the favor by hurling insults at him, playing games with him, telling half-truths etc. I think reader in this story is almost like a woman version of Ghost: she doesn't show weakness, doesn't show her cards, is cold and even mean, keeps everyone at a distance... but on the inside, she's suffering. And Ghost sees that. I think in some way, he's trying to redeem himself by saving reader from her own cruelty.

So, when Ghost sees what her "trick" is and what a petty, stupid thing it is to do in the first place, he's riled. And not just riled; he's fucking PISSED.

Why the fuck did they have to go through all this fuss when all he wanted to do was cherish her and make her feel good? She could've just surrendered to his command, on the field and in the bed – everyone would've been happier! So why in the bloody hell did she make them both go through all this stupid bloody mess?

His reaction is summarized in this line: “-- he pleasures himself, angry as fuck and as relieved as anyone could be when they find out that their heartthrob is just a delightful little minx instead of a cruel, heartless woman.”

Ghost has tried to be nice and gentle with her, but she makes it so damn difficult. He finally retaliates when she’s helpless and leaves her on the bed in a degraded and humiliated state - he's been played long enough and thinks it's only fair that he gives her a taste of her own medicine for once. (A good call because it works like a charm!)

The SECOND she calls for him and shows some fragility, the minute those walls crumble, Ghost returns. That’s the actual shift in the whole story, I think. She finally confesses that he’s a good leader, and he returns her authentic kindness tenfold. The first time they share a bed together is not to have more mad sex but to have a hug, some cuddles and a civil, adult conversation. She falls asleep from exhaustion and relief, and Ghost couldn’t be happier that this firebrand of a woman has finally stopped fighting (because that means he can stop fighting too).

When reader wakes up, these two are finally able to meet each other without pretenses. I'm sure they will have the most emotional, intense, slow, sloppy, tender sex, perhaps even share a laugh or two! And I just know Ghost will tease her when she surrenders to him – literally lies under him while he pushes himself inside.

"Why did you have to be so bloody difficult," he might say, followed by "Could’ve had all of this days ago, you silly little minx..." And she can see he’s smiling because he’s lifted the mask just enough to kiss her in between the thrusts – and there’s no more competing, no one’s on their knees, there’s no mirrors and no toys, there’s just them being wholly present. She might answer something like "Guess I had to make you work for it…?" (which of course turns Ghost into a grunting puddle, but this time, he’s not angry, only very much in love ❤️)

[sassydefendorflower]

To survive the AO3 down time, want to write about Al sending letters to Ed while he's traveling to Xing? (Bonus points if Ed's doing something interesting too ^^)

Hi :D I don't know if this is what you imagined when you sent me this ask... but I had a surprising amount of fun with this! So... here goes nothing <3

+-+-+

Dear Brother,

It’s so good to hear from you! Who knew West Aerugo could be this interesting? Just don’t drink too much – and tell Darius and Heinkel that I miss them too! As for how I am doing… Xing is a lot more different than I expected it to be. From what I can tell, people just aren’t as tall as I’m used to – and that even though I am no longer as tall as I used to be! Ling invited me to stay at the palace, but I don’t think court life is for me. At least not yet. I joined a caravan to the northeastern part of the country instead, pretending I don’t know that Lan Fan is following me. The food is utterly delicious, and one of the old men in my group told me that the Tsang clan has developed a type of alkahestry that allows them to grow trees taller than some mountain peaks. It might be worth checking out.

Until your next letter reaches me

Alphonse

~

Brother,

Why did Brigadier General Mustang sent me a telegram informing me you started an international conflict on the Beruskan border? I don’t care how interesting their research is and how nice their pubs, we’re no longer the kind of people who just start chaos and let someone else deal with it. I hope this letter finds you in good health and not in a jail cell – and please excuse my language in the telegram I’ve send ahead. I love you, you idiot.

Alphonse

~

[Telegram sent on the 12th of December 1923 from Xio, Tsang Territory of the Great Imperial Nation of Xing, to Balka, Aerugo-Beruskan border facility]

YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKING IDIOT .stop. IF YOU GET ARRESTED I WILL .stop. PERSONALLY HUNT YOU DOWN .stop. YOU BETTER NOT BE IN .stop. ANY TROUBLE

~

Brother,

While I am glad to know that you are no longer held by Aerugan officials on suspicion of terrorism and counterintelligence, I do beg of you to lay low for a while. My blood pressure won’t stand for another incident like this. But while you were busy arguing for better accommodations in a jail cell, I did uncover something interesting. The Tsang clan has grown trees big enough to build houses in. The stories weren’t lying – this has to be some sort of alkahestry. But it feels different from the things Mei taught me. Oh, which reminds me: I finally figured it out! I can read the Dragon’s Pulse – and these trees are bursting with life’s energy. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say it feels almost magical.

Best wishes and happy returns

Alphonse

~

Dear Brother,

Yeah, that’s why I said ‘if I didn’t know better’ – I am aware that magic isn’t real, you didn’t have to scream at me for half your letter just to make a point. Then again, it is in character for you to make a big deal out of something so small. (please don’t waste your next letter on another rant just because of a little joke between brothers) I think I’m going to move on from the Tsang territory over to the Ang clan – there’s been some unrest because of the policies Ling implemented recently, so I might have to travel by foot. Don’t worry if I don’t write for a bit. Address your letters to Lan Fan and she’ll get them to me once I settle down again – I’ll tell you my next mailing address as soon as I know where I’ll be staying.

Tell Winry I said Hi!

Alphonse

~

Ed,

It’s okay. It was just a tiny bit of poison. I’m fine.

Alphonse

~

Dear Brother,

If you come to Xing just to be an overprotective idiot following me around, DON’T. Please stay where you are – I have everything under control. I need to finish my research here. I think I’m getting somewhere. I can’t tell you via my letters because I fear someone might read them along the way and realize what I’ve just figured out but… this could change the world. Not that I actually plan on ever telling anyone just how far the scope of this reaches. Not even you. I hope you can understand why I am doing this. And don’t worry for my life – Mei joined me on my travels and her fighting skills are beyond what I could have hoped for.

Love

Alphonse

~

Brother,

The Ang Clan was very welcoming, and their food was otherworldly, but I don’t think we’re going to stay here for much longer. The more I look into the Dragon’s Pulse and its possible connection to tectonic movements, the more confusing it gets. I meant what I said in my last letter – but maybe I don’t have to worry quite as much. There is a very real possibility that the two of us might be the only people who could ever even understand what is happening here. By Truth, life is just a never-ending quest of wonders, isn’t it?

Take care.

Alphonse

~

[Telegram sent on the 26th of April 1924 from the Imperial Palace, Great Imperial Nation of Xing, to Munk, Hala Territory east of Creta]

I AM SO SORRY EDWARD .stop. BUT WE’VE LOST CONTACT .stop. WITH ALPHONSE .stop. SOMEWHERE BETWEEN NANNING .stop. AND LIPU I AM SO .stop. SORRY YHELY

~

[Collection of unsend letters by Alphonse Elric]

Ed,

I don’t think I’ll get a chance to post this letter. Someone’s following me and Mei. I told her to get back to the palace or make contact with Lan Fan, but it might be too late. There’s something going on with alkahestry here – I think it’s only happening in the northeastern part of the country. It’s nothing like what we went through, I promise, but in the wrong hands… it could kill thousands. I am so sick of this art we’ve dedicated our lives to being used to ruin it instead. They could heal and flourish, but no… you know what the worst part is? I’m the one who discovered how to use it as a weapon.

I love you. I miss you.

Alphonse

[and]

Ed,

I think they’ve got Mei. What am I supposed to do? I don’t know. Dammit, I won’t send this letter, but at least it feels as if I can talk to you. As long as I write it down, you’re not gone – what did you say you were doing the last time we’ve talked? I think you were in Munk. Isn’t that a seaside town? Do you think there is alchemy connected to the sea? The tides? That would be insane. Is that what you were researching? I hope it went well. You can’t even swim, idiot. I hope you didn’t drown.

I miss you.

I miss Mei.

I think I messed up.

Al

[and]

Ed,

They won’t get me. And they’ll pay for whatever they did to Mei. I’m getting her back. I’m doing what is right.

Please don’t hate me for this.

Alphonse

[and]

Ed,

They won’t be a problem any longer. I took care of them. I’m so sorry. I did what I had to do to survive. But now blood is staining parts of the Duyun forest, and only some of it is mine. I won’t ever tell you this in person, but this is my confession. I broke our oath – I hope I can make it up to you by coming home.

Al

~

[Telegram sent on the 5th of August 1924 from the Imperial Palace, Great Imperial Nation of Xing, to Kanda, Independent Republic of Ishval]

WE FOUND ALPHONSE .stop. OR RATHER HE FOUND US .stop. BLOODY AND THIN .stop. BUT ALIVE PRINCESS .stop. MEI IS WITH HIM . stop. THEY ARE ALIVE YHELY

~

Dear Brother,

Thank you. Thank you for traveling all the way to Xing. Thank you for waiting for me. Thank you for being there for me when I came back. Thank you for listening. Thank you for leaving. Thank you for letting me keep some of my secrets.

I love you.

Alphonse

~

Dear Brother,

I think I might take on a journey across the ocean – just to see where the world ends, and the future begins. There are so many secrets out there still left to discover. So many things unknown. I’m definitely writing it all down. At least the good stuff. The things we can use to change the world for the better. And I do think that it’s possible – for things to get better, that is. I won’t be gone forever. In a few years I might just be ready to play politics at the court next to Mei and Ling. But until then? I crave another adventure.

Best wishes

Alphonse

.

..

.

Hey Al,

Mind if I join you?

Ed

[send me a prompt/snippet request while ao3 is down]

[welcometololaland]

Fic Origin Story aka. Hyperfixations: the Original

A bunch of you tagged me back in this which is...fair because I should probably do my own if I'm going to expect people to tell me their life fic story. I'm SORRY I'm so obsessed with knowing about people it's a problem.

I'm living for all your responses please keep going I beg!

1. What was your first fandom (reading and/or writing)?

I don't think it's a secret that I once upon a time wrote for the fandom that shall not be named, but my first fandom was actually Veronica Mars. I read fic on some website that no longer exists but was devoted entirely to LoVe (Logan/Veronica).

I never wrote and never left comments like a complete dick, but I was also 14 and it's like common knowledge I was a complete asshole as a child.

2. What was the first story you ever wrote (even if it was never posted) and what made you decide to write it?

For fic, it was a ridiculously terrible self-insert Veronica Mars story (except I inserted myself as a best friend not a love interest...interesting choice). I remember my character surfed and made people eat Vegemite. Which...I can't surf and I'm not even going to address the Vegemite thing.

I think I was 14. It never saw the light of day thank GOD.

3. What's a piece of advice you would give to your younger fic-writing self?

Wait, and find something you're really passionate about. I'd get stuck on a bunch of chaptered fics that seemed like good ideas but I had no real fire for. Then Speak for Yourself happened and I was like damn, this is what writing is supposed to feel like.

Also, don't write in the second person. Who does that? (me, I did that)

4. What's an early fandom interaction that stuck with you (be it a nice comment, a friend you made, a fic that got a lot of feedback etc.)?

A. The day @everwitch-magiks left me a comment and changed my life by ushering me into a group of fandom friends and lighting the RWRB fire.

B. The day @rmd-writes dropped into my inbox with a gentle 'hey, do you want to let me in your doc for beta purposes?' and then took up residence and never left my G drive / heart.

5. Post a sentence or two from one of your older fics, and a sentence or two from a newer one (if you want).

I have regret for accepting this suggestion. The below fic is a Hunger Games fic I wrote originally in 2013? but i reposted it to Ao3 in 2020 (shame - why did I do that). Also, note use of second person - a bold fucking choice that did not pay off 😂:

Time is something that you seem to forever wish for, and never seem to get. It feels like your whole life has been spent trying to grasp time with a firm hand and will it to stand still. It seems like you race against a clock ticking more rapidly with every day that passes. As all humans, your days are finite. But as the particular person that you are, chosen to lead a sick, twisted life of triumph and tragedy, the days slip by you so fast it feels like it is over before it has really had the chance to begin.

This is from my newest fic (which is somehow approaching 40k and only 3.5/10 chapters) 😬😬😬

TK rolls his eyes. “You’re pretty unobservant for a private investigator,” he murmurs. “If one more person offers to buy you a drink, I’m going to buy you a wedding ring and force you to wear it.”

“You’re— What?”

“I’m jealous,” TK says drily, arching an eyebrow in Carlos’ direction. “Didn’t realise I needed to spell it out for you.”

Carlos frowns. “Of annoying hedge fund managers trying to buy me overpriced drinks and talk me into heli-skiing?”

“Hedge fund managers in Austin?” TK smirks. “Oh baby, you found a good one.”

Not tagging anyone because I already spammed a bunch of people but tagging @reyesstrand @carlos-in-glasses @rmd-writes because you tagged me back and @clottedcreamfudge because you taught me how to be ridiculous and now you must deal with the consequences of your actions.

[ciaossu-imagines]

KHR Romantic Match-Up for Peach

Hello there, my dear! Before we get into the match-up, I just wanted to say thank you for sending in an ask 😊 I hope you’ll enjoy the matchup, and please don’t worry about it being in multiple messages or all over the place! Your description was very well done and thorough and I really appreciated that! And thank you for the very sweet compliment – I’m so glad you enjoy my writing!

In my humble opinion, your ideal romantic match in Katekyo Hitman Reborn is HARU MIURA!

I do see you and Haru as being each other’s first partners. She has a very romantic soul and definitely isn’t the type to rush into relationships, so I see you being her first romance. It really does start off as the two of you building a friendship before a crush starts to grow on both sides. She’s the one who does confess and asks you on a date, and the relationship just sort of smoothly progresses from there.

Haru isn’t someone who is hugely empathetic, but she is sensitive in the fact that she doesn’t ever want to purposefully hurt anyone’s feelings, so she will always be as gentle with you as she can be. She loves your smile and wants to see it every day, so she tries to help keep your world as happy as it can be. While she can definitely have a temper, she makes sure she gets into arguments or draws her boundaries with people when you’re not around after she realizes how tense and uncomfortable even the slightest bit of arguing can make you. The only time this changes is if she feels someone is picking on you or being mean to you, when her very protective nature just can’t be shut off and she can’t help but to stand up and fight for you. This happens a lot with your parents, actually, as Haru really dislikes the way they treat you. She’ll do her best to respect your parents, because she hopes to be their daughter-in-law someday, but the second they say something really harsh or disrespectful to you, she just can’t keep her tongue in control, and she has to stand up for you. However, she can also sometimes, in an almost amusing way, do this to you as well. When your insecurities get the best of you and you say something that’s really down on yourself or self-deprecating, she has no problem telling you off. Don’t you dare say mean things about yourself in Haru’s presence because she will look at you, fire in her eyes and earnestness all over her face and tell you right off because you have no right to speak that way about her favourite person in the world and don’t you realize how wonderful you are. In case you don’t, she’s going to have no problem listing off all the wonderful things she loves about you.

You and Haru really bond over your creative passions. She’s really inventive and creative herself, with various artistic passions. She’s definitely going to encourage all of your projects and pursuits, though she definitely will expect your encouragement and support of her own projects in return. She’s going to attend every single one of your plays, applauding and yelling ‘bravo’ the loudest. When you do write your short, original skits and plays, she’s always going to be so eager to read them and will always have something nice to say about them. She’ll practically beg you to let her run lines with you, because although she’s a terrible actress, Haru has always imagined herself on a stage and this practice time with you is probably the closest she’ll ever come.

I definitely do see Haru having her own love of cosplay and it’s a hobby that she puts a lot of effort and time into. It’s something that connected the two of you as friends and when you start dating, she definitely wants to do couple’s cosplay together with you. It really makes her happy, working on the costumes together and discussing the different things you could do with the characters and photographs together and the time spent cosplaying with you will be absolute precious memories for her. Though you worry about cosplaying as part of a group, she will definitely encourage you to go for it, reminding you that she’ll always be by your side throughout it all, no matter what anyone else says.

Haru loves to sing and dance herself and impromptu karaoke sessions are something she’s definitely going to bring into your life, as well as proper karaoke dates followed by supper out together (and of course, dessert!). She’ll be so incredibly awestruck by you being able to play more than one instrument well and she compliments you every time you perform something for her.

Going along kind of with that theme, idol groups and idol media are another thing that really are a shared passion of both yours and Haru. She’s going to be right beside you learning the dance routines and the words to all the songs, both out of joy of doing the thing with someone she cares so much about and because to her, these are precious moments and memories the two of you will be creating.

However, there are interests that you have that Haru really won’t have the first clue about, as there are hobbies and interests of hers that you won’t have much interest in. Because she does expect and demand that you take her hobbies and the things she loves seriously and at least familiarize yourself with them, she’s really going to throw herself into learning about the things you do love. She’ll never have done an escape room before she met you, but it becomes one of her favourite date night activities for the two of you, or even for the two of you and a couple friends. She’s not the greatest at solving puzzles but she tries her best, so please be patient with her. She also doesn’t really know most sports anime, though she’ll want to know about the ones you love and will ask if the two of you can watch them together.

Haru does get scared rather easily, but she’s also someone who can fall into a well-built fantasy world pretty easily, so despite not even knowing there are horror-themed board games out there, she’s more than willing to give one a try, especially when you share with her that it sort of bums you out a little to never have anyone to play them with. She might struggle at times with some of the more complicated or rule-heavy games, but for more simple ones, she really loves being able to do something so out of her comfort zone, plus it gives her a chance to get extra hugs and cuddles from you whenever she gets scared.

Haru isn’t really allowed a pet at her family’s home, but she does enjoy animals. She’s going to make it a point to play with your dogs whenever she visits and soon starts bringing them treats and toys when she’s over, just to spoil them (mostly because you don’t know how to react and get a little flustered when she goes over the top spoiling you, as she’s likely to do at times). When she spoils the dogs, you still get so happy but not as flustered, so she can do that every week or every couple days.

Haru actually finds you being a kind of picky eater to be a fun challenge. Nothing makes her happier than to be able to cook and bake for her partner and she goes out of her way to try all these different recipes that she thinks you might enjoy, especially sweet treats. She’s really careful about not using any spice, given that your stomach can’t handle it, but will get really excited if you even try her cooking otherwise and the euphoria from you adoring one of the recipes she made for you? It’s enough to carry her through several days.

Haru is definitely going to be a very gentle, patient, and loyal partner. She wants you to be patient with her and to not rush her in any way, so she thinks it’s only fair if she’s patient with you as well. She’s going to be your biggest hype-woman. All those things that you feel insecure about, like your autism or being hard of hearing? They’re just unique little traits that are a part of who you are and who you are is someone she loves, as she likes to remind you whenever you seem down on yourself. She’s very verbally affectionate, though she does want to be proper and wait a while for any major physical affection. I do think for the first little bit, hugs and holding hands will be the furthest physical affection that Haru will be willing to have. However, hugs are definitely a huge love of hers that will continue to be frequent things even when further physical affection is allowed in the relationship. To Haru, your relationship with her and hers with you is something she wants to last a lifetime, so she really looks forward to growing as people alongside you. She learns from you and she always approaches you for your view on things or for advice and she thanks you genuinely and with her whole heart whenever she feels like you’ve helped make her a better person in some way, and she’ll do everything she can to return that favour.

Runners Up: Reborn, Adelheid, Dino, Bianchi

[hxney-lemcn]

No One Like You — Hunter x gn! reader

Summery: Reader joins the gang as they try and stop Amity's mom from supplying the emperor's coven with any more abomitons.

tw: Spoilers for season 2 episode 20.

wc: 1.6k

Chapter Fourteen

Master List | Chapter One

“You guys almost done over there?” Willow asked through the crow phone.

I looked over at Hunter as he laid in my bed reading a book, “Yo, Hunster, you ready?” 

He looked up from his book and cringed, “Please never call me that again. But sure.”

I laughed lightly and spoke back to Willow, “Yeah, we are.” 

“Cool,” Willow breathed out. She then told us where to meet them. I looked out my window and saw that the sun was about to set.

Standing up I pulled on a light overcoat, “C’mon love, they’re expecting us, like, now.” 

Hunter stared at me, his entire being froze, and blushed like there’s no tomorrow…well that’s a possibility but let's not think about that. 

“What’s up?” I asked, tying up my shoes.

“I-I uh…” Hunter stuttered. “That’s a new one.”

“New what?” I asked, genuinely confused.

“Th…the, do you actually…” Hunter was stumbling over his sentences. “The pet name…y-you called me l-love.”

My eyes widened and I felt myself flush, “O-oh. I didn’t even notice.”

“It’s okay…” Hunter trailed off, trying to regain his composure. We then made our way down the stairs, said goodbye to my parents and left. Meeting up with Willow and Gus in the forest outside of Blight Manor.

“Hunter!” Gus shouted as we landed. “My man!” They did their little handshake and I laughed lightly. It made me so happy to see Hunter having friends and getting along with them.

“How was visiting your parents?” Willow questioned me. 

“It was nice,” I smiled. “We didn’t run into any coven scouts, and my moms were very concerned for us. But after explaining everything they understood.”

“That’s good,” Willow smiled. 

“What?” I heard Luz shout. I spun around to see her shout at someone flying away. “I don’t need a security escort!”

“Did you hear that guys?” Willow spoke up. 

“Yeah, no,” Gus agreed. “I guess we’ll have to go home. Well it’s been fun.” Willow and I laughed and we all faced her. 

“See you around, Luz the human,” I ended. 

“Wait, wait, wait,” Luz repeated, tears in her eyes. We ran towards each other for a group hug. “Of course I want you around! I’m so happy. And confused. I thought you were all hiding after what happened at Hexside.”

“They were,” Hunter chimed in. “But then they heard Darius ordered me to protect you.”

“More like he begged us to come because he’s terrified of being recognized,” Gus teased. Hunter looked down sad and I pecked his cheek in reassurance. 

“Hunter, are you really up for this?” Luz questioned in concern. “You must be dealing with a lot after learning-”

“That Belos is evil?” Hunter exclaimed in fake cheeriness. “Don’t worry, I’m A-OK!” Hunter looked towards me with that giant fake smile and I pecked his nose this time. 

“What the…” Luz trailed off. 

“This is what happens when you go missing for a week,” Willow said nonchalantly. As she walked towards us and Hunter walked to Luz, whispering something. I decided to let him have his privacy and focused on Willow and Gus. 

After they finished, we all rushed to the side of the manor. Gus used the artifact he got from Graye to check for any illusions. Good thing too, because we saw a hidden scout. Luz bound them with vines and Hunter apologized to them. We were then attacked by an abomiton and I quickly lunged for the head before it could alert anyone. Willow wrapped the arms and legs in vines, and brought them into the ground. We then continued our heist, running to the other side of the manor and stood outside a lit window, showing Amity’s shadow. Luz went up and we waited below on guard. 

“So you two…” Gus trailed off, looking between Hunter and I. “How long did you think you could hide it?”

“H-hide what?” Hunter asked, scared, clutching his staff. “We’re not hiding anything!”

Willow raised an eyebrow, “He’s right Gus. With (y/n) kissing him all the time, they’re clearly not hiding anything.” 

I covered my face with my hands and totally didn’t make the weirdest noise ever, “Shut up don’t point it out!”

Gus and Willow laughed, and Hunter chuckled awkwardly, “Right, that.”

“So you two are dating!” Gus accused, pointing at us. 

“Yeah,” Hunter shrugged, turning away with his face bright red. “What of it? You got a problem?”

“Calm down,” Willow giggled. “We’re not judging, you two are adorable!” 

Glancing up, I saw Amity and Luz looking back down. We all walked towards the front of the house as we went over the plan. We hid in the bush, waiting for Kikimora to come. And she did, in very casual wear. She has definitely seen better days. Casting an illusion, Gus made us all look like coven scouts and we hurried into the house. We stood around like we were on guard as Mrs. Blight tried to sell Kikimora on a abomitron. We split from the actual coven scouts and looked into the workroom.

“Ahem,” Mrs. Blight fake cleared her throat. We turned around. “These rooms are off limits.” 

“Mrs. Blight!” Hunter exclaimed, saluting. “Kikimora told us of your products. Such inventions would be invaluable assets to the Emperor’s coven.” 

“Yeah!” Luz agreed. “And we are all about invaluable assets.”

“Can’t get enough of em,” Gus chimed in. 

“I’m an asset gal myself,” Willow said. 

“I apologize for the trouble,” Hunter spoke up, pushing Gus. “We’ll return to our duties.” 

We walked away only for Kikimora to cut us off, “I knew I recognized that annoying voice.” 

We all bolted to the exit, only to be blocked by the abomiton and scout we took down outside. We all backed up and Gus tripped, revealing our identities. Being surrounded on all sides, we were trapped.

Literally. Since they caged us using a forcefield. Amity tried to knock some sense into her mom as she revealed that Edric and Emira tried to steal the ship. Her mother was…really something. Amity tried to break out while Kikimora taunted Hunter. 

“Leave him alone!” I shouted, standing in front of him protectively. 

“I’m surprised the human is even here,” Kikimora continued, ignoring me. “Aren’t all your friends at the day of unity?” Luz gasped. “Oh that's right,” Kikimora said offhandedly. “The Emperor has eyes everywhere, and they’re all pointed at the Owl Lady.” I felt dread as she said that. 

Luz whispered something to Gus and he agreed hesitantly. Then Gus switched Luz and Hunter, and I knew what they were up to. Suddenly the forcefield supposedly broke and Amity questioned how she managed to do that.

“No,” A voice spoke up. “It was the power of science. But you almost had it sweetie.” That must be Amity’s dad. “Odalia, the Emperor is planning to wipe out everyone with a draining spell,” He explained. “And our abominations are helping him do it.” Odalia looked at her nails like this was old news and Mr. Blight gasped, “You already knew?”

“What he does with our products is none of our business,” She replied like it was simple. “What is my business is keeping my family ahead of the rest. You’re welcome, everyone.” Mr. Blight’s face went red and Odalia just scoffed, “There you go making that face. This is why I don’t tell you things. With the Emperor's favor, we’ll live like royalty in the new world. Crowns and everything!” Okay she’s deranged. 

“This is too much, even for you,” Mr. Blight said softly. 

He used his abomitons to fight Odalia, and she fought back with her oracle magic. Kikimora took ‘Hunter’ and Mr. Blight tried to block her exit. She barreled through with her abomitron and Amity used the abomination goop to try and keep Kikimora stuck. Then Willow summoned vines to hit Kikimora, but Kikimora held ‘Hunter’ as a human shield. Coward. I then summonded a magic circle to grant me beast wings and flew towards ‘Hunter’, only for Kikimora to blast at me, causing me to tumble to the ground. Gus then used illusion magic to make the environment go dark. Shooting was heard as Kikimora finally blasted the ceiling and broke the illusion.

“I don’t need all you creteins,” She hissed. “But this one is mine.” She then blasted off using jetpacks.

“Ha!” Mr. Blight exclaimed. “The jetpack actually works!” He laughed, then groaned, “Oh. The jetpack actually works.”

Abomitons surrounded us once more as Odalia stood in front of us, “Well, since we’re finished with that little mess, let’s get back to business, shall we?”

“You!” Amity shouted in anger. “I am never speaking to you again.” “You’ll thank me later when you’re a literal princess, princess,” Odalia replied. “It’s what's best for the family.”

“What’s best for the family, is putting an end to all this,” Mr. Blight replied. He then destroyed the factory and shut down the abomitons. 

“You’re destroying our life's work!” Odalia exclaimed, enraged. “I won’t let you destroy it any further.” She stood, summoning a spirit, while we all stood defensively.

“The work is already finished,” Mr. Blight stated. “Also, I quit.” 

“Fine,” Odalia surrendered. “I was meaning to find a more competent business partner anyway. And you won’t be getting your severance package.” She then left through the steam.

“Oh Titan,” Mr. Blight cried out. “That was terrifying.”

Then Willow ran towards the abandoned ship, and we all followed. 

“C’mon stupid thing,” Willow said frustratedly, pulling on levers. “We have to follow them!” “Dad, can you use that thing to shut down the abominations at the head?” Amity asked, helping Willow.

“You’re going to rescue your friend,” He said, shocked. We all stared at him, “You’ll need a pilot. And Luz, I apologize for Odalia, you are always welcome at our home.” Mr. Blight touched ‘Luz’s shoulder, breaking the spell and revealing Hunter. “I’m confused.”

“What’s going on?” Amity asked in fear. 

“I’m sorry,” Hunter apologized. “It happened so fast. I didn’t even realize what was going on until she was gone!”

“She…she wanted to protect you,” Gus said weakly. “And Eda.”

“Then that means,” Willow whispered looking up.

“She’s being taken to Belos,” Amity finished.

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[being-of-rain]

A stream of random thoughts from my Classic Who watch, now the second half of season 20.

20 seasons down! Not far to go before the end of the year. Also I don’t know when these watchthrough posts got so long; I remember when I just wrote a few sentences for some of the second Doctor stories. Apologies to anyone who are actually trying to read these, because I do not proofread them 😂

I forgot to mention it in my last post, but I thought it was funny how Mawdryn Undead started for the Tardis team; almost all of the Fifth Doctor’s stories start with a link to the previous story, but this one had the Doctor actually giving some explanations about the conclusion of Snakedance which we didn’t get in the episode. Speaking of, is the Fifth Doctor era the one with the most stories that follow directly on from the previous? Not even the First and Second Doctors were this consistent. I’m pretty sure a lot of the gaps Big Finish and EU stories try to find don’t actually work jsdlkfj. Pretty ironic that maybe the only story to not get an immediate follow up is Time-Flight, which readers of all my infodump posts know is the one I most want a scene immediately following. It did allow Big Finish to guiltlessly slip in months or years worth of travels with Five and Nyssa though.

Onto the new stories. Terminus is another one that felt like it could’ve been an episode shorter. Or maybe two. It started to feel a bit ridiculous when you watch Nyssa get carried away from the room she was being kept in just as someone was coming to rescue her for the second or third time. The first episode felt like the best, a bit more contained than the others in a different ship, and the reveal that it’s a plague ship at the end was very dramatic (until I couldn’t stop laughing at Olvir’s delivery of “WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE” anyway). I enjoyed the Tardis scenes at the start of the story. Turlough sneaking around and breaking stuff then trying to act innocent with Tegan is great. Please give us more fucked-up bastard companions, I’m begging. Also hey! A mention of Adric! I was honestly expecting there to be a lot more references to Adric’s death, probably because authors in the EU pick up on it a lot, but I was surprised that this is basically the only one so far since the middle of Time-Flight. So it was nice to see him mentioned here, even if it wasn’t in the most meaningful way. That said, it was a very nice touch seeing the same old props in Adric’s room as there had been in Earthshock, and Tegan almost absent-mindedly taking one as a memento. Other random thoughts. The skull door turning up in Nyssa’s room was extremely goth and cool. It’s an aesthetic that did get a bit old with the rest of the plot as the story wore on, unfortunately. There was some good and rather modern-feeling anti-capitalism thrown in there though. I didn’t take not of when “I’ll explain later” started getting common in the show, but it really feels like a staple of the Fifth Doctor (classic Five avoiding difficult conversations). The garn is adorable and helpful and I cannot believe anyone would scream as loudly at the sight of him as people do in this story. The creation of the universe is such a random-feeling thing to throw into the grungy little setting, and the destruction of the universe is such absurdly high stakes. Is it really that easy to create and destroy the universe? Damn. I almost forgot that this was Nyssa’s last story. It doesn’t feel particularly notable, and she spends a lot of time captured and unconscious. Oh and predictably, I loved the character moment in the middle of the story where Turlough asks Tegan if she could kill someone. I adore taking the characters who jar against each other the most and forcing them to be stuck together, like Tegan and Turlough in the vents here or Tegan and Adric captured together in The Visitation.

Enlightenment is good! Perhaps still slightly too long, but better than most other stories before it. The space ships are a very cool setting (very Treasure Planet. Has any other media used the idea?) and they get a very good dark and oppressive tone. Not in a way that’s immediately obvious, but a subtle way that you think about how small a ship like that is, and how it’s staffed by people who can read your mind and control the matter around you. The fact that Marriner started following Tegan around and not taking no for an answer made it all feel particularly claustrophobic and horrifying for her, so I can’t blame her at all for wanting to go back to the Tardis. This is also maybe the most interesting story of the trilogy for Turlough. How he uses his charming, weaseling ways to try and help the Doctor is fun to watch, it’s so different to how most companions operate. And I love that delicious character moment near the end of part two when Turlough betrays someone in front of the Doctor, and the Doctor looks disappointed and Turlough looks ashamed, but there’s a sullen air of something else too. Like they both knew a moment this was coming, but it was still awful for both of them to live through. Poor Turlough. I think it’s a shame he doesn’t get more golden opportunities to try to kill the Doctor in the trilogy, which would’ve made the whole thing more interesting. As it is he just doesn’t get many opportunities at all, and spends most stories just causing a little bit of trouble with the hope that it will somehow get the Doctor out of the way. I’m not sure the conclusion of Turlough’s arc at the very end of the trilogy is particularly satisfying either, with a symbolic choice to hand over the Doctor for wealth. I’d adore seeing this exact plot done again in New Who honestly, with a modern-day focus on character arcs and emotional storytelling. The way the White Guardian banishes the Eternals is pretty cold-hearted. It’s always strange to see some scripts have the Doctor act as though the White Guardian is the good guy, when even back in the 70s and 80s you can see the seeds that would grow into the idea that basically everyone has about the Guardians nowadays: that chaos and order do not equal evil and good. I’d also love to see the Guardians turn up in New Who incidentally. I don’t care if they’re unbelievable or inherently cheesy. It’d also follow up on the White Guardian’s warning at the end of Enlightenment that the Doctor should beware his third meeting with the Black Guardian... something that never happened on TV. I looked at the list of EU stories the BG appears in, and almost all of them are set before Enlightenment, only the Key 2 Time trilogy is set after it, and as fun as that depiction of the Guardians is, it doesn’t at all line up with the warning here. Random thoughts. I love how when Turlough is playing chess at the start of the story, he’s playing white. The Eternals say that they apparently hid the Tardis inside the Doctor’s mind?? Now that’s a throwaway line that you could write an entire script about. Nice to have an Aunt Vanessa reference for Tegan. I’d love to see the Eternals appear some more as well (Tardis wiki apparently counts the villains from Can You Hear Me? as Eternals because some short story said so, which annoys me a little because they’re explicitly not Eternals in the episode). Five in an all-black wetsuit looks fantastic jskdjf. Finally, after the last episode, I listened to the start of some audios set soon after it- Freakshow and Cobwebs. And is it just me or is Tegan written and performed a lot more aggressively in the EU? She was a bit more excitable early in her time on TV, but by Enlightenment she seems a lot slower to get into a fight. All of her issues with him on TV, which are few are far between, are quite tame compared to her attacks on him in Big Finish. I can’t yet tell if I don’t like the audios apparent flanderisation of her, or if I can appreciate them finding ways to make the companions more engaging, which Fifth Doctor era Who sometimes needs.

The King’s Demons is only two episodes, but even then it feels like a pretty weak plot to fill it. The way it ends after the Doctor and co steal Kamelion by bundling him into the Tardis, leaving the Master and his mess behind to sort itself out is weird. It’s so funny when Turlough calls the Master “whoever you are” near the end of the story, because you realise no one’s explained it to him. The Doctor and Tegan have substantial history with this guy, but Turlough’s just like “who’s this dickhead.” When the Master has Turlough at his mercy, I think it would’ve been cool to see him tempt the boy with power or freedom or something only for Turlough to shoot it down, just to show how he’s grown spending time with the Doctor. You know, the old special effects almost never bother me in Classic Who, and I can deal just fine with the slow story pacing. But the one thing I miss from New Who is the focus on character development and emotional growth, which I’ve said before. Idk if I’m using the right terminology to explain what I mean, but yeah. I adore antagonist-to-companions like Turlough, and I’d kill to see a good showrunner do a story arc with one in New Who. Give me a villain or hired assassin who we get to see grow bit by bit into one of the Doctor’s strongest allies, or even best friends. Also, at one point Turlough says of the Master “he’s the evil one,” and the emphasis in the delivery was so weird. The line was clearly meant to be ‘he’s the evil one,’ as opposed to the Doctor being evil, but it came out ‘he’s The Evil One,’ like Turlough’s gone all spiritual and giving the Master a title. I notice line deliveries like that surprisingly often in Big Finish audios, like the actors clearly misinterpreted what the line is trying to convey, and it always makes me feel like the director should’ve stopped to correct them. I guess there wasn’t much time for that in Classic Who though. I did just remember one delicious moment in the story when the King (actually Kamelion under the Master’s control) forces the Doctor to either let the Master be executed, or let an innocent man be executed in his place. I mean, morally it’s a pretty obvious choice, but the Doctor’s face when he’s forced to consciously condone the execution of his old friend, combined with the sting of realising that the Master had created the scenario himself to force him to admit it, was some tasty drama. It’s hilarious how Kamelion is introduced like a proper companion at the end when we all know his fate and the curse of Kamelion jsdkfj. Though it would’ve been cool to see him in more Dr Who stories, I really need to get round to the few audios with him in it. And finally, the Doctor is a real dick at the end to Tegan, damn. Chill out dude. First you leave Tegan behind, then you get so attached to her that you guilt her into staying with you.

The Five Doctors! A classic. And honestly, good pacing too! At least, it feels like good pacing 😂 There might be some parts where not much happens for a while, but there’s always fun things like fan-service to keep my attention. It being edited into one long episode probably helps, as opposed to being cut into multiple episodes that draw your attention to the fact that one or two of them barely have any plot in them jfsdkljf. Also I just checked, and it looks like The Five Doctors is the longest single episode of Doctor Who. I’ve got the TV Movie at 1 hr 25 min, The Power of the Doctor at 1 hr 27 min, and The Five Doctors at 1 hr 30 min. I don’t have much to say about it as a whole, so I’ll just go through my notes more or less in order! I love the new console reveal at the start, it’s lovely. And the Tardis team actually getting free time to relax is a cute change of pace too! Turlough doing some drawing is a sweet little hobby for him to have, and (thinking of Four to Doomsday) now I want him and Tegan to do some art sessions together, maybe rope Five into it as well. Tegan’s once again very put together in a crisis when the Doctor starts having his cosmic angst. I think the Doctor must have seen the potential in her when he named her as the crew coordinator to keep everyone together in Castrovalva, she’s really grown into the role. I wonder why Borusa chose to kidnap Sarah Jane- presumably the same reason he kidnapped the Doctor’s enemies. To play on the Doctor’s curiosity and need for a good story? I don’t know, he says something about “a game within a game.” Honestly Borusa acts fully cracked later in the story, not at all like any other depiction of him. It would’ve been nice to get more reason why he was acting like that. Maybe he’s just a fan of the K9 & Company spin-off. Though it just occurred to me that he also kidnapped Susan by herself, she was just the only protagonist to be shown getting time scooped. Shame, that could’ve been cool. Also with Sarah Jane, why was she so ready to ignore K9′s warning of extreme danger? Is he the dog who cried wolf before? And when he says that the Doctor is involved, Sarah dismisses him with “well now I know you’re imagining things.” Why??? Is she that pissed off at him for not coming back to pick her up again? Girl’s got issues. Also, she was extremely not here for this whole adventure, complaining the whole time. I think I would be like that if I had my day all planned out, I barely had enough social energy to run a quick errand, and suddenly I was transported to Gallifrey for an adventure. I’d be like “can I go back to my bedroom yet.” I’ve always appreciated how location shooting from the unfinished Shada was used so that Tom Baker could still be represented with some previously unaired footage. That’s a good example of using the resources available to you when your story hits a snag in real life. Three treats the Master so suspiciously, it’s hilarious. Seeing him casually steal the high council seal is so funny especially when you know he keeps it with him until all the way in The Time of the Doctor. I also got a laugh out of “Now what do we do, fly?” and “What are we going to do now?” “Die.” Keep living your best melodramatic life Turlough. Everyone i this story has garbage eyesight. Susan and One not seeing the Tardis in an open field until they’re like 10 metres away, Five and Susan and Tegan not spotting the Cybermen until they’re somehow surrounding them, the Cybermen later getting a full eyefull of Tegan and One before they duck out of cover. The staging of some of this story is just so poor. Is this a case of bad directing? Lack of time? Bad location filming? Some bits just make me think that surely, surely that could have filmed that better somehow. Five meeting Susan was so weird. She seems very excited to meet him, but he just stares at her starstruck and dramatically, and they end up just standing there looking at each other like the world’s most awkward family reunion. I swear to god, every second Fifth Doctor story has me wanting to grab his lapels and tell him to go to therapy jsdljkfhslkdjf. It was funny and cute how everyone (except One) in Rassilon’s tomb was excited to see the Brigadier. Team Tardis’ blorbo. Later when the Master turns up, the first three Doctors do a wicked combo dunk on him which is always funny to watch, but does Two even know who he is?? I suppose you could say he met the Master recently (in the EU) and quicklly figured out this is a new body, but I think its funnier if he just sees his other selves wrecking this random dude decides to join in just for fun :3 Gosh I love companion meet-ups in multi-Doctor stories, so it’s a shame that this story, and a fair few other multi-Doctor stories, are much more interested in the different Doctors interacting than their companions. Give us companions from different eras getting to know each other, or the Doctor chatting with a past or future friend. I’m trying to think of good examples, and one that springs to mind is the final episode of The End of The Beginning. And Daughter of the Gods. Even The Light at the End. And I really have to get round to reading Cold Fusion someday. Why is the First Doctor the one to figure out the trap of Rassilon when none of the other Doctors do? It’s weird when multi-Doctor stories act like the earlier Doctors are wiser than later Doctors purely because of out-of-universe nostalgia, when surely it should be the other way around. I like when One is depicted as the flawed adventurer that he is, acting like he’s wise and forging a new path when in reality he’s still taking with him a lot of the biases and things to unlearn from Gallifrey. Daughter of the Gods is good at depicting that (honestly it’s one of the best multi-Doctor stories ever, it does so many things well). In any case, the stone faces coming alive are still such a cool and unnerving effect that help to really sell the ending of the story. Also, I’d forgotten that Two has a line earlier about how there are rumours that Rassilon was a cruel man, it’s neat to start the start of the transition of the character into full villain. Is Flavia like the only member of the high council left at the end of the story?? Why on earth did they send high council members into the Death Zone to investigate it before the start of the story? If Flavia just becomes President by default, it’s little wonder her reign is mentioned to be a bit of a disaster in the EU (This reminds me, I’m excited to one day listen to Time In Office, the audio about Five being president for a bit). The episode has a great line to end on. And I like the end credits music as well! Gotta have some cool end credits music in an anniversary story I guess.

I’m looking forward to getting into more Five/Tegan/Turlough stories in season 21! They’re such a fun team. Again, apologies for saying so, but I think that losing Adric and Nyssa has left the show with the strongest actors and the most interesting characters. I’m looking forward to seeing how Turlough is characterised, and learning more about him in his final story. Also, since I didn’t find anywhere else to say it, I do like a characteristic hand gesture like the one Turlough does with his fingertips together in front of him. Going to pepper that into my own life for a bit just for funsies.

[madraleen]

Chainsaw Man - Tatsuki Fujimoto   Ch. 98-132: A Disappointed Commentary and Overall Impressions.

LISTEN. If you’re as sensitive about your faves as I am, don’t read this. I’m bummed with Part 2 and it shows. (But, hey, I’m looking forward to reading more?)

-This Asa has had more introspection in twenty pages than Denji has had in his entire lifetime (this is a neutral comment).

-Did she accidentally squash Chicken Devil omg

-Holy shit, this escalated. Mr Tanaka, really now?

-I kinda like Yoru. And Yoru alone.

-Your goal is to defeat Chainsaw Man and mine is to actually see him... I don’t care about Asa that much.

-Oh Denji, u in Asa’s manga too?

-I like Denji, give me more Denji, omg, this is my nightmare scenario of endless chapters focused on characters you’re not interested in, I’ve feared this for a while.

-Where is everyone? Why has everyone left Denji alone? Like, in life.

-I don’t like that Denji is a side-character!

-Pls, Nayuta, save the story :’(

-At anyone who might be reading this and is enjoying the story: I am very, very happy that you do, I’m jealous. I am so disappointed though. I’m disappointed that Denji is not the MC, yes, but also, Asa is not compelling to me, there’s no side-characters with spark and just life, the setting is underwhelming - a school after Public Safety, I don’t see any interesting dynamics right now. Basically, what compelled me in the first arc just isn’t here. I see people saying to wait, that things will peak and twist and turn, and, well, yes, of course they might, but that doesn’t make up for the things that haven’t worked for me so far. But yes, please reframe those things, please, make me eat my words and shock me into adoring the arc! I beg! I beg to be wrong!

-There’s a lot of bread crumbs for the future, I won’t deny that. Yoshida’s random organization, Nayuta herself, the prophecy, the contract with Power of course, but... give us something concrete :’(.

-In a weird way though, it has me wanting to read on and on and then some, just to see Denji and see where on earth this is going.

-Why drown it, bitch. Why drown the cat, bitch.

-”Solitude and companionship... I’m afraid of both!” I mean, same.

-The Falling Devil ala chef, great, I like that.

-And you would care if the Devil’s a thief... why exactly, Denji boy?

-Yes, bb, yes, bring up Denji’s trauma, bring up Power and Aki, finally. God, I miss them. But yay, finally, quality time with Denji!

-Chainsaw be like “I wanna have sex!” and Asa be like “yeah, nvm, just let me fall.”

-They are ON A PLATE, nice. See, I’m lots more ameliorable when Denji is around and denji-ing.

-Actually content now that Denji’s been around for a few chapters in a row, lmao.

-Looking forward to seeing who “fake Chainsaw” is. An actual other Chainsaw? Denji from the future? Who knows.

-War Devil might win in the prophesy and prevent the Age of Devils, got it. Yoru, you’re up.

-And now Nayuta has the spotlight, phew, I can breathe again. And more Denji! We’re ending the binge-read on a positive note.

Overall Impressions: Part 1: Love and adoration, fun, ridiculousness, excitement, pain and heartbreak, shock and respect. Sometimes the plot gets convoluted. Denji, Aki and Power are one of my favorite gangs. I love all the side-characters, I love Denji, I love the character development, I love to hate Makima, I love the panel composition. Part 2: I’m bummed and curious. Not enough Denji, but I’m delighted when Denji and Nayuta appear. For the moment weak side-characters. Lots of hints for potentially exciting things to come. Lacks the visual oomph of Part 1 because of lackluster setting. I don’t vibe with Asa.

[herofics]

Hi , i honestly don't remmeber if i sent this request before bc i have bad memory so i apologize if i already did , CW for self h*rm , can i please request tamaki amajiki finding out his s/o self harms via scratching their arms on walls / bruising their own arms / legs as a way to deal with the guilt of not being able to control their anger better ? if its too specific you can do something less specific , thanks for your attention and have a nice day / night

Today is actually the anniversary for the last time I hurt myself, so I’ve been clean for exactly 2 years today. The relationship is pretty new in this. It’s really not my best work, but it’s okay I guess.

Tamaki was very observant, but he was always a bit hesitant to interfere with the things he noticed. He didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable or stick his nose where it didn’t belong, but he was worried about you.

You weren’t doing so well again, you felt like your anger was bubbling just beneath the surface, and it would explode out of you if anyone crossed you in any way. So you aimed it inwards, all that anger, all that hate and rage. You didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or get into a fight, you didn’t want to be so angry. It was a vicious circle of hating yourself for being so angry which fueled your anger even more.

You were lazing around in Tamaki’s dorm room, while he finished his homework. You’d already done yours so you had some time to just lay around. You were scrolling on your phone and came across some post one of your classmates had made. It was about Tamaki, Mirio and Nejire, about how they were a bunch of stuck up morons who thought they were special. You didn’t read any further, because your blood was already starting to boil. You dropped your phone on your chest and hit the floor next to you a bunch of times, way harder than necessary.

“Oh my fucking god people are idiots” you hissed as you sat up.

Tamaki was looking at you with a bit of an odd look on his face. You couldn’t really decipher what it was, but there was something mixed in with his normally anxious expression.

“What?” you asked, trying to get your anger to simmer down.

“You do that a lot when you get annoyed” he stated, putting down his pen and turning to face you in his chair.

“Do what?” you asked, tilting your head to the side, even though you knew exactly what he was talking about.

“You hurt yourself. I’m not sure if you do it on purpose or if it’s just a reaction to when you get angry but it’s not good either way” he said and got down from the chair, sitting on the floor next to you.

You shook your head, but you weren’t really even trying to deny it. You just sighed and leaned your head against his shoulder.

“I’m just so angry all the time and I don’t know how to control it without doing that. I don’t want to hurt anyone”

“But it’s okay to hurt yourself?” Tamaki asked softly, but his voice was full of worry.

“I think it’s the better option, yeah” you said quietly.

“I-I don’t want you to do that to yourself, I want to help you figure out something else that can help, something that isn’t self-destructive” he said adamantly, though anxiously.

“Can we just drop this? I don’t really wanna talk about it” you sighed with frustration.

“I don’t want to force you, but I’m sure there are healthier ways to deal with all your anger we could try to figure some out-”

“Drop it, please?” you interrupted him almost begging him.

Tamaki sighed. He knew he wasn’t good at confronting people, but at least he had told you he was aware of the situation. Maybe you could come to him the next time you felt like that.

“Okay, but I just want you to tell me if you feel like that, so I can try to help”

“I’ll try” you said, even though you weren’t really sure if you would.

[0l0x]

My uncle told me when you’re near death, you start seeing dead loved ones. They show up to guide you to the afterlife.

My mom says she saw her old dog outside the window this morning. She’s in a lot of pain, still barely eating, pissing blood, her voice is weak. I don’t think she’s going to come back from this one. There is no fucking way. I don’t know how long she has, but I’m not ready to lose her. I’ll never be ready, she’s my mom. She’s the only parent I have.

I tried all my life to save her, but she wasn’t willing to save herself. Now that she IS willing, it’s too late. I told her this would happen. I told her over and over for years, I warned her, I begged her to do better for herself, to listen to her doctors, and she wouldn’t.

Now we’re here. And she’s surprised--genuinely surprised--that her actions had consequences. It’s just like it always was, up until the end. Nothing changed.

Life wasn’t nice to her. She wasn’t nice to herself. She never got redemption for all the shit she went through. I wanted better for her. She wanted better too, but she wasn’t willing to put in even the tiniest amount of effort.

If you’re a smoker, for the love of God, stop today. If you drink heavily, stop today. If you’re sedentary, start exercising every day, starting today. If you eat junk food, throw it in the trash right now. If you’re diabetic, handle that shit today. If you’re a slob, tackle the mess today before it tackles you. If you need meds, stay on them and take them when you’re supposed to.

Do these things before it’s too late, because despite all those people offering platitudes like “it’s never too late! :)” yes, there comes a point where it actually is, and my mom is living proof. Don’t wait. Please. All those unhealthy little habits and behaviors have consequences. They will add up over time, and they will culminate and bite you in the ass one day. The time to change it is now, not when the floodgates have already opened and you’re neck-deep in shit.

I’m begging you. Anyone who happens to read this, I am BEGGING you. Do better for yourself. Treat your body like a sacred temple, because it is. It’s the only one you have. NO ONE deserves what my mom is going through right now. She’s only 62, and she’s been on borrowed time for years. All this suffering was preventable. That’s what hurts the most.

[skyward-heir]

some thoughts, because i need to purge myself:

i wish we could see a more morally complex world, them being pirates and all. not saying it isn't, but narratively it seems we're too limited to Stede's sanitized (dare i say, romantic) version of piracy: one where you can afford not to kill others—need not cast away parts of yourself—in order to survive, where your reputation isn't relevant because you don't need to board vessels for loot. protagonist-centered morality isn’t necessarily bad, but it'd be nice if s2 could change that a bit, what with Stede finally getting the "it's not about you" treatment. and please more female characters 🙏🏻

Oluwande, my beloved, i wish i was this cool. i just, i'm in awe at his common sense, his cuteness, his empathy! taking no shit from anyone! ahhhhh

congrats to Jim for having actually intelligible Spanish, for once, in an English-speaking production. i'm a native speaker (greeting from Argentina!), but my gods, why productions usually make it so hard to understand the designated Spanish-speaking character? (i know, expose yourself to other dialects outside your own, but like, sound mix teams do your job i beg you)

no thoughts, just... Frenchie 💖

didn't care at first for Lucius (might've been the sideburns i'll admit ajslkjk), but having the emotional braincell in this ship made me really like him

neither did i care for Stede, but like ✨ character development ✨ and gods he's great. love him. hopefully, the narrative will continue to push the whole 'be a little less self-centred my guy' thing. also i'd like for him to interact more with people who aren't Ed (and Ed with people who aren’t Stede). look i love their scenes together, but it'd be nice to see them outside the romance angle y'know?

Ed, honey, love you but please grow a beard again. it looks so good! anyway, been reading meta/headcanons on his Ambiguous Disorder™ and who he "really" is, but i think the outfit invites a comparison to... Road Warrior. in a world of nightmarish seas roads where "only those mobile enough to scavenge, brutal enough to pillage, would survive" and pirates gangs "took over the highways ready to wage war for a tank of juice", ordinary men like Max (a cop scared that he was beginning to enjoy the rat circus, only a badge saying he's a good guy) are "battered and smashed". despite taking his revenge, Max is the shell of a burn-out, desolate man, haunted by the demons of his past, who wandered out to a blighted place and learned to live again. (and that's like the intro only.) anyway, he lives in the wasteland, helping out only when it suits him, uninterested in companionship or a chance to rebuild his life. ("come with us." / "what are you looking for out there? [...] there is a better way!" → "i never get involved") yet there is kindness: even when he's lost everything, he can still reclaim his humanity. so where am i going with this? no idea. maybe it's about Ed being a legend, about struggling with trauma but surviving no matter what, about choosing solitude, about enjoying the violence, about atonement. that he needs to acknowledge forging himself in fire and blood, instead of handwaving it. (...also the outfit is mmgh 🤤)

how could i not sympathize with Izzy when he's out there living a Greek tragedy, victim of his own hubris, destined to fail and realize all too late he's only got himself to blame. that he's superfluous, unneeded in any way or form... least of all by Ed. ("i need you here"? where was that sentiment after the duel?) because they're not even friends, if Ed's to be believed. at "stages of fucking each other over" and all that. could there be more to their 'dysfunctional love' than the Intricate Rituals™? if so, the self-sabotage is all on him, isn't it? and no matter how 'deeply in love' Izzy is, he'll have to admit defeat to the man who's bested him in every single way that matters, who loathed him—and rightly so everyone would tell him—at first sight. (if he even lives until that point. alternatively, he'll have to fuck off for good so everyone can live happily ever after.) to admit that whatever he and Ed have matters so little that being maimed while he's completely vulnerable is acceptable. so, yeah, kinda tragic. i'd love a redemption arc for Izzy. like if the repressed white dude with far more privilege, who is consistently bad at not really seeing beyond his own needs unless someone calls him out, can change for the better, why can't Izzy? (something something palatable forms of trauma, something something Die For Our Ship at play, something something Steddyhands please askjlskj)

all three of them (Stede, Ed, and Izzy) i love precisely because they're flawed so i just can't understand the necessity of certain fans to reduce three-dimensional characters to 'never did anything wrong' while demonizing the other, instead of accepting it takes two to tango, as they say

[mikavlcs]

you dare make such a precious work based in that vague idea I gave, ma'am! I'm just.

First than anything, howdy! how you doin'? everything going alright?

I apologise for the person I'll become in the next paragraphs! sorry, not that I mean to be such a simp!

AHNDIWQERIQWEHW THAT WAS SO- okay I'm sorry but Tara ghostface is hot, idc what anyone says. TARA GHOSTFACE IS HIPER, MEGA HOT. I know I am all sick because of how charming I find blood and violence bUT TELL ME, DARE ANYONE TELL ME IT DOESN'T HAVE IT'S CHARM. I- sorry but I find it so romantic that she was so careful with the corpse for the reader I'm.. And your Tara ghostface? I.. Excuse me, ma'am, but this is doing to me things thAT IT SHOULDN'T DO. Tara? please? step on me? choke me to death, open my torax with your bare hands and pull all my visceras out, I'M DOWN TO WHATEVER U WANT. Stab me 40 times? yes ma'am, your desires are my orders. That you want to see me melt and burn to death in hydrochloric acid? please let me find a place appropiate so you don't have to clean the remnants of my corpse and you're just all chill ma'am! sorry I- my bestie sometimes tell me that I have some real trauma going on and that I should keep my violence down cause I'm hella mad but I just cAN'T WHEN YOU, YOU WONDERFUL AUTHOR, MAKE SUCH A PIECE. RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY SALAD YOU DARE MAKE SUCH A DYNAMIC AND A TARA THAT HAS ME ON MY KNEES.

alrighty! now that we're down with the simping for Tara, lemme proceed to say something before I forget cause I'm still so NJAQUWIHU.

your writing is absolutely beautiful, the way you shape all environments and dynamics, with any kind of characters, how you build your characters mind has me in chokehold. If Tara has me on my kness, allow me to tell you, author, you have me in the floor begging to be destroyed, stabbed and crushed by your absolutely precious writing. I am just such a simp for the way you describe so accurately how Tara's mind works that I actually feel like I am inside the thoughts of a killer. (a very hot one, that is NJDAWE) and I am in love with it. All chill.

sorry! I said that Tara's simping was over, not the simping over your extremely wonderful writing! again, didn't mean to be this person, but you see, when you do word things like that, how can I not give in to the simp that resides within me? Have a nice day! see ya when I give in to the simp I am for killer ladies, ma'am!

hi! i’m doing ok and no need to apologize, this was great. i’m glad you stuck around long enough to actually read the story you requested, sorry for the wait 😭😭

and SDJKHAF the mixture of simping and compliments was so funny to read. thank you for reading and requesting!! i'm glad you enjoy my interpretation of ghostface tara<333 (though maybe i should be worried about how much some of you enjoy it-)

[admhawthorne]

“Ma’am, I’m going to need you to take this seriously,” Detective Anderson’s frustration was clearly evident in his tone. “We are conducting a murder investigation, and you ARE a key witness.”

Taylore Jackson glanced to her lawyer, who gave her a small, approving nod. “Yeah, I get that you think that, but the thing is, I was there, but I wasn’t really there, do you get me? Like, there were A LOT of people at this party, okay? We’re talking at least fifty people, and, yes, I was in the same room where it supposedly started, but, like, I wasn’t really paying attention to Kaplan.  because there was this amazing, free chocolate fondue bar…”

“Yes,” the detective said in exasperation, “you keep saying that, but I find it hard to believe that you’d be so focused on a fondue bar that you would miss a man literally begging to be murdered and then that subsequentially actually happening.”

“First of all,” Taylore replied, holding a hand up in protest, “it was a free chocolate fondue bar with every single food item I’ve ever wanted to dip in chocolate just out there ready to be dunked in the most amazing milk chocolate I have ever had in my entire life.” She dropped her hand but kept staring daggers at the officer. “Second of all, you can believe what you want, but I literally didn’t see anything.”

Detective Anderson sat up in his chair and looked at his notes as he began reading off a list. “You mean to tell me that you missed a fight breaking out?”

“Never noticed it,” she confirmed with a shrug. “Too busy eating chocolate covered cheesecake bites.”

He shook his head. “Multiple people allegedly screaming to go more boards?”

“I thought they were talking about fondue boards. You know, with, like, more stuff to dip in chocolate? Honestly, I agreed. We needed more fondue boards.”

Anderson sighed in frustration. “The sound of someone being forcibly attached to said boards and then dragged out into the backyard?”

“Man, I don’t know what to tell you; there was a lot of screaming; it was a party, and you know how often my generation screams things like, ‘Dear God, kill me now’ or ‘I just wanna die?’ Like, that is our national anthem, okay? I hear that shit all the time, and, let me tell you, there were plenty of us screaming about the chocolate fondue because it was the most amazing…”

 “Ms. Jackson, please.” Detective Anderson rolled his eyes, trying to maintain his calm.

“Please what? I didn’t witness a murder, unless you count the killing we did at that fondue table,” Taylore replied followed with a click of her tongue for emphasis.

“The fondue buffet was located right in front of the windows looking out over the backyard. You would’ve had a perfect view as you were dipping your cheesecake bites to see this group set Kaplan’s restrained body on a bonfire.” Anderson dropped his notepad onto the table between them. “You’re telling me you didn’t see the fire blazing outside in the backyard?”

“Did I notice a fire? Yeah, but, it was there when I got there last night, and like I’ve been saying, I wasn’t paying attention to it because of the free chocolate fondue! Look, I didn’t see the murder. I saw free chocolate fondue.” She rolled her eyes at him. “Do you know what I do for a living, Detective? I’m a waitress. I work for tips, and it sucks. Like, I barely make ends meet and sometimes I don’t. It’s hard for me to pay the bills and have anything left over for something nice for myself, even just a bar of chocolate. When I got invited to this party, it was the first real break I’ve taken in months. I’ve worked two months straight with no days off just so I could go to this party. I had to put in a request TWO MONTHS in advance just to get the night off. When I saw that free chocolate fondue bar, that was it for me. That’s where I was going to be all night because I wasn’t interested in talking to anyone. I talk to people all damn day at my job. Fuck them people, man. I was here for the free food and free booze. When I heard someone start yelling about wanting someone to kill them, my only thought was ‘Man, me, too,’ and then I went right back to the free chocolate fondue bar.”

Detective Anderson looked from his supposed witness to her lawyer, who only shrugged. Sighing, he asked again, “If you heard that, then you did see the murder of Kaplan Yates last night, correct?”

Taylore let out a roar of frustration. “Look, man, I cannot stress this enough; I did not see the murder because there was this amazing, free chocolate fondue bar…”