#if anyone has suggestions for better categories send me those as well

[savebylou]

Create your own ranking of Louis outfits!!!Louis always like to have a different outfit for every show, but each fan has favorite looks, so I thought it would be fun that everyone could do their own ranking for the first leg of the FITFWT (USA & Canada), I will do others versions in the future.

Instructions: you just have to access this link and start moving the photos in each category (if you are in mobile in your browser put the view as desktop site). When you are done you download the image and create your own post on tumblr sharing the image with the tag #louis tomlinson (maybe we can trend it?) you can also add the tag #rating louis outfits , don't forget to tag more people and link this post.

Some outfits they couldn't show that well because of the site, but in case you want so see more details, just check the name of the city and check this link for more photos.

It would be lovely to see everyone ranking of the outfits and I think is a fun game now that there is not a lot of things on the fandom. Please reblog this.

[falcor-thee-luck-dragon]

Let Chaos Reign

Chapter 3- Don’t Provoke The Bear

Summary: After getting your shit rocked by the Avengers, you now wake up in a strange new place even more pissed off then you already were. Also that one pretty looking dark haired guy won’t leave you alone.

Warning: reader being chaotic, Bucky trying his best

Masterlist - Chapter 2

Eyes still closed you can feel a soft pressure holding you up, slowly parting your eyelids, you’re soon greeted by the sight of bright lights circling you overhead, though they remain unmoving. On further inspection, once you force yourself into a seated position, you take notice that you’re in some kind of flat spherical glass holding cell.

Blinking groggily, you look down to find your clothes are all still on your body, suddenly a pang of fear hits you at the thought of your mothers necklace. Reaching for it, you’re relieved to feel it’s still with you. Thanking whoever will listen for that bit of good fortune in this otherwise adverse predicament.

Shifting your gaze back to the current situation of the room, you’re able to see around to some sort of large cavernous lab area with a multitude of that armored man from earlier, though you can tell there is no vital life that stirs within them. Guards maybe? Decoys? You have no idea.

Suddenly your eyes catch movement from the left door, a dark skinned man in black clothing and a single patch over his left eye appears. “Good morning. I’m Director Fury.” He smiles with a friendly nod, arms clasped behind his back while he walks over to you, “Or should I say afternoon?”

Getting off the elevated bed, you wander towards the thick glass keeping you from him, “Where am I?”

Fury nods, “Better question you should be asking is how long you’ve been out for, cause damn, you can sleep.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

He chuckles knowingly, “I almost couldn’t believe it myself when the team told me. But wow, holding back both Vision and Wanda for as long as you did. I’m thoroughly impressed.” He boasts for you, genuinely fascinated by your daring feat.

Right, those two.

You frown, gaze hard set and intimidating, “Where the fuck am I?”

“Well for one, you’ve been out for a whole 15 hours since they found you unconscious but alive after getting blasted by Vision and Wanda. Weren’t sure if you were gonna make it, seems the universe has yet to take you out.”

Pursing your lips together in irritation, you glare through the glass at him, “Well I’m not exactly from here so....doesn’t matter. Tell me what this place is and where the fuck I am!”

He holds up his hands, “Alright no need to get heated.” Before clasping them behind his back as he begins pacing slowly back and forth in front of you, “You’ve created quit the stir since arriving in Ireland. My intelligence first received a message indicating a storm greater then a category four hurricane, which by our standards is pretty damn massive. Soon a fun little video of you throwing some busses around like rag dolls peaked my interest. And give or take a couple days, here you are.”

Giving him a deadpanned stare, you cross your arms, “The mystery of the century. Where am I?”

“Alright fine I won’t leave you in suspense, you’re in New York State. In a very secure and safe facility home to the Avengers. Nice place huh?” He smiles, dark eyes looking elsewhere as he gives a little once over of the room.

“I’m in a cell.”

“Yes. But it’s a clean cell.”

Suddenly you slam your left fist against the thick glass causing him to flinch, “You have no right to hold me here! Release me. Now.” You growl darkly, golden irises appearing to almost glow with your building vexation.

“Can’t do that.”

“Alright then, if that’s how it’s going to be. Then I’ll do it myself.”

A second later he’s genuinely startled as you cock your arm back before slamming it into the clear thick glass. With the power of bending the material and your people’s strength, the glass cracks into a fist sized area. Satisfied with this, you do it again and again before a voice startles you.

[Miss, please refrain from breaking that. Mr. Stark has requested that you stop immediately.]

“Agreed.” Says Fury as he hustles over to the far wall, bringing his arm up to his mouth, he speaks but you can’t tell what he’s saying. What nonsense is he even doing?

Ignoring both of them, you punch the glass a fourth time before the voice interrupts again. [Miss. Please suspend your advances. Mr. Stark is on his way.]

Halting your fist from punching a fifth time, you take a step back and bring yourself to the center. Positioning yourself in a fighters stance, legs slightly bent, arms held about 90 degrees; you thrust them forward causing the metal contraption to creak and whine in protest.

Holding your arms close to your body now, you make two tight fists before violently punching at the air; the metal holding in the glass slams forcefully against the far wall. Destroying a couple of those stoic armored sentinels in the process.

“What the fuck?!” Yelps Fury in surprise as he falls to the floor from the force of the impact, “Hey! You better stay right the fuck over there!” He warns while cowering in the corner, nothing to really threaten you with but his voice. That is until he pulls out a stunted black gun, like the ones you have seen on the Norwegian police. You ignore his threats anyways.

Taking your first steps out of the desolated cell feels almost euphoric, your body embraces how strong and dangerous you feel among this place and what has presented itself to you within her walls. A man and his words, a disembodied voice telling you to stop fighting your way to freedom. Ridiculous, they have no idea who you are.

You take a single step left when the man, Fury, shouts loudly, “Stay right there!” Your eyes find the gun held tightly within his grasp, “I will shoot!”

You don’t care for this shallow warning, there are things in this universe more important then a mortal mans fearful intimidation. Opening up your palm, the gun flies out of his hands while he gasps with a start, eyes wide and panicked as you turn the short nosed barrel towards him. Closing your fist, the gun combusts to nothing more then destroyed metal and hard plastic as it clatters to the floor.

He watches in disbelief as you then turn to your left before taking the first door that reads exit above it; you wander past a long hallway until you come across a door leading to a long flight of stairs to some floor with a sign reading - Parking Area - the door is obviously closed.

This is too easy, you think suspiciously, somethings not right.

Opening up the door, you’re greeted by a large cavernous glass and metal room holding a large black aircraft on the far end, a couple more vehicles parked in various areas spread about the place. And not a soul in sight.

Hustling along into the room, you’re able to reach the door on the other side, opening it, you cautiously stick your head out. Ahead of you is a large green yard stretching all the way back to a tree line with trees placed neatly along a road leading up to the facilities main entrance area.

To your far left is a large river, but still, you have no idea where New York is. This is all unfamiliar territory to you, so finding the Ancient One is going to be a tough fucking job.

Not seeing anyone, you take your first couple steps into the open. Soon you’ve made it halfway across the grass headed for the tree line before the sound of gravel crunching causes you to pause and turn around to face the intruder.

So close. The woods are right there.

Clenching your fists, you keep a defensive stance as you stare him down, this man is undoubtedly familiar. He’s dressed in boots, jeans, a pair of cloves for some reason, and a faded grey t-shirt that’s mostly covered by his forest green jacket, while his long dark hair is washed and sits handsomely around his face. Blue eyes staring at you apprehensively, “We’re not here to harm you.” Cautiously says the man in a soft tone of voice, hoping not to provoke you again.

“Then why was I just locked in a cell?”

He pauses for a moment, “Uh, okay, yeah that looks bad.”

“Precisely.

You turn to leave, yet his voice makes you stay, “You don’t have to be on your own you know. I don’t know what you’re looking for, or who....but doing it alone will only take longer. We could help you, if you want.” He suggests with the tiniest hint of a smile. You don’t trust him.

You look towards the lake before finding his gaze yet again, your golden eyes admittedly sadder as you softly answer him, “No one can help me.”

He takes a step forward, face softening, “I felt the same way once. Alone and confused, not sure where to go, no one to trust. Believe me, it sucked......so, I’m just hoping you’ll listen. That’s it.”

“Well, I don’t particularly like any of you. And so far you’ve all gotten in my way and fought me....I have no reason to trust a thing you say.”

He purses his lips together and nods, you’ve got him there, but nonetheless he takes another step forward, “Sorry about that.” He mutters while rubbing the back of his neck, “Uh, let me try and start over....I’m Bucky. And I am definitely not here to fight you. Promise.”

Eyeing him up suspiciously, you take a step back, “Y/N Lavpranthus..of Vanaheim.” You finally reveal, albeit with a smidge of apprehension, however you are not one to hold back your own name if someone is to speak freely theirs.

Bucky nods, incredibly grateful for your calm demeanor for the moment and this first bout of information given willingly by you, though he has not a single clue where Vanaheim is, this is progress. Good progress; perhaps the team was right to send him out first as their guinea pig against the big bad wolf.

Stupid in retrospect, but so far it’s appeared an effective strategy instead of Tony’s idea which was to have Vision and Wanda knock you out again. Not an efficient way to make friends who can throw busses around like its nothing but a bag of grapes...and all without even touching them.

Bucky reveals the flash of a smile as you slowly calm your once defensive stance, though you’re still wary of his true intentions, “Y/N.” Repeats Bucky with a genuine grin as he tests out your name on his tongue, “Never heard that one before, it’s beautiful.

Taken aback by his kindness and sincere compliment to your name, you finally let your guard down, “My mother gave that to me, it was her sisters name, though she died before I met her. Guess it doesn’t matter now...” He frowns as you share a dismal look with the ground, remembering the events that brought you here in the first place. 

Family.

Soon your anger rises once more as you think of your brother, that conniving piece of shit, “Bucky....I-I can’t stay here. I have to go, you wouldn’t understand. And I don’t want you to be involved....fuck....he probably already has scouts hunting for me.”

Bucky’s brows furrow in confusion, who would you be talking about he has no idea, “Y/N, no one could hurt you here, alright. This place is pretty damn guarded. I mean, we are the Avengers.”

Shaking your head you take a step backwards, “No, none of you understand how dangerous he is, I’m lucky he didn’t kill me when he had the chance.”

“Who tried to kill you?”

Finding his worried gaze once more, you back closer towards the woods, a knowingly loathsome look crossing your features as you frown, “My brother.” And with that do you make a swift exit into the trees, out of sight in an instant.

Bucky takes a hasty step forward before looking back at the base where all of the Avengers are watching from the windows, they collectively make a go-get-her motion with their hands, indicating that Y/N is now his problem.

Fantastic, he thinks sarcastically, half the team can fly and I’m going after a demigod with family problems.

——

Jumping over fallen trees and ragged roots alike, you’re swifter then a young leopard under the treetops, it’s admittedly incredibly freeing that you almost get lost in the rush of it all as your boots pound against the leafy ground.

Arms pumping you quickly along while you run deeper into the woods, you can’t remember the last time you’ve felt so free, though your fun soon comes to an abrupt halt when something hard latches onto both of your legs, instantly you begin falling towards the quickly approaching earth.

With lightening reflexes, your hands are thrusted outwards while you emit a blast of air that saves you from suffering brain damage or a bruised face. The wind aids your body in stabilizing itself once again; now standing with your lower legs tied collectively by some metal clasp, you quickly clap your hands together before focusing your release.

The metal clamps rip apart from off of your legs, freeing you in an instant, “What the fuck was that about?” You mutter to yourself when what would you know it, there’s Bucky standing not even twenty feet from you, an apologetic look on his annoyingly handsome face.

He raises his gloved hands into the air, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know how else to stop you...”

Shaking your head in disappointment, you take a step in his direction, “Bucky, you’re going to really wish you didn’t just do that.”

“Uh.” Is all he’s able to mutter before you send him flying backwards with the force of a small windstorm, you watch in amusement as he breaks some branches on his way to the ground.

“You really don’t like following orders now do you?” He hears you chuckle, “I like that. You’ve got a brave heart I’ll admit.” He watches as you walk into view, a knowing smirk adorning your beautiful otherworldly features, “Courage, it’s good. Even after what I did to you a couple days ago, you still came to speak with me when no one else dared, it’s valiant. You would be a noble warrior in my homeland.”

Bucky could have blushed if not for the stick poking uncomfortably into his back, “Thanks....you seem like...uh....an experienced...woman.” Mutters Bucky, mentally cringing at how unbelievably stupid that just sounded in comparison with how gloriously divine you are.

You snort, “Easy on the eyes and a skilled fighter. Guess conversation is too adept for even the likes of you.”

Bucky shows you a cheeky grin as he jumps to his feet, “Well....uh...you don’t really know me that well yet.”

You laugh at his weak flirting skills, “Too bad I’ve got elsewhere to be. I bet you’re fine company.”

“Right...right, yeah...” Mumbles Bucky with a nod, not really confident he’s gonna be able to sway you completely to his side, he just needs you to come back with him to the base. That’s it, well, in a calmly manner. “Uh...do you even know where you are?”

You open your mouth to speak but pause as you actually have not a single clue where you really are, brows furrowed you answer, “Upstate New York.” Your accent dripping strong with a tinge of uncertainty that greatly annoys you.

Bucky smiles, “Do you know where that is?”

“Well.....not completely but I’m willing to find out, elsewhere. I don’t need help, believe me.”

Bucky throws his hands up, “I believe you. It’s just....I don’t think you’re gonna find your brother without a little guidance here...”

“Don’t patronize me!” You snap angrily, eyes practically glowing gold as you fill with irritation; he’s trying to distract you from your goal, you don’t need any help from anyone. Your brother would never dare ask for such a thing if he was in your place, he probably would have killed this man in the facility yard without a second thought. “You’re all just prying little bastards, I have no business with any of you when my personal quandary is concerned!”

Clearly noticing he’s struck some kind of nerve, and remembering he’s been tasked with gathering as much information about you as possible while striving for the end goal of a truce. Bucky stupidly pressures you further, “Your brother can’t be that terrible, I mean.....what did he do?” Asks Bucky with a casual shrug, a sudden pang of fear flashing through his eyes as you send him a nasty glare.

You don’t even give him a moment to react before his forest green jacket is ablaze from your quick thrust of flame out of your fist, Bucky instantly yelps in surprise before swiftly throwing the burning fabric off of him before he catches fire himself. The jacket falls to a flaming heap on the forest floor, “What the hell?!” Yells Bucky, eyes wide at your incredibly abrupt act of hostility.

Whoosh!

And Bucky’s flat on his back with you right on top of him, kneeling down to meet his startled gaze, his breath hitches as you forcefully grab his stubbled jaw. Your eyes two golden coins of tempered rage, “You have no idea what he has done to me or my realm, you’re lucky I’m not like him or you’d be a burnt corpse adding to the ash of the universe. Pray you never meet him.” Your lip quivers in angered emotion as you lightly squeeze his jaw, “And if we meet again, I assure you someone will die.”

Bucky keeps still as stone as you finally release him from your admittedly powerful grasp, soon you rise to your full height, giving him one last conflicted look before sauntering off into the bushes.

He lets out a breath he didn’t know he had, chest rising heavily as the adrenaline rush of the fire and you touching him brings him back to reality. He’s on the ground in the woods and you’re absolutely no where to be seen. Soon he jumps to his feet and jogs in your direction until he reaches a gravel road leading back to the Avengers Facility.

You’re gone, just like a phantom in the shadows, gone.

Shaking his head in frustration, Bucky treks back to the base where Steve, Tony, and Natasha are waiting for him outside, all equally curious as to what the hell happened.

“Looks like you were unsuccessful, Barnes.” Quips Tony as Bucky throws him a dirty look.

“She’s...just.....complicated.” Mutters the tired Winter Soldier with a frown as they follow him to the front doors.

——

Bucky slouches comfortably into the back of the lounging rooms giant plush couch, a heating pad seated blissfully against his bruised back from all the times you knocked his ass to the ground today. Sam, Tony, Steve, and Natasha seated in various areas around the lounging room as they give him a break to rest.

Though the peace is soon broken by the sound of Tony’s irritating voice, “You at least get a name to hold against that psycho?”

Bucky throws him an annoyed glance, “She’s not a psycho, and her name is Y/N....I can’t remember her last name. It was something Middle Earth-like I don’t know.”

“Y/N?” Repeats Steve, “That’s different.”

Bucky’s face shifts to concentrated puzzlement, “Yeah, I know....it’s just, she said Y/N of Vanaheim or whatever that means....not sure but she’s definitely not from around here.”

“Really? What drew you to that final conclusion.” Jokes Sam as Bucky mutters an incomprehensible fuck off while the Falcon chuckles.

Natasha’s voice suddenly enters the conversation, “So she’s after her brother?”

Bucky nods, “Yep.”

“And doesn’t appear to know her way around this world either?”

“Yep.”

Natasha hums in thought as Sam speaks, “Damn. I wonder what happened to her before she got dumped into our world...”

Bucky suddenly sits up, “It’s just....she said some people are probably already after her, uh....her brothers guardsman I think?”

Steve takes a step forward, eye brows raised in interest, “Guardsmen?”

Tony nods, “Or are these some type of glorified assassins? I’m just putting this out there, but we really need to get this shit under control before she ends up destroying a building next. Or these, whoever is after her, decide to...oh I don’t know...kill some civilians while they’re at it.”

Bucky’s face shifts to puzzlement, “Dammit. It’s kinda my fault she ran off.” They all give him a varying amount of intrigued expressions as he sighs, “I was just trying to get more info out of her and then I talked about her brother and she set my jacket on fire, before throwing me to the ground and roughly grabbing my face to threaten me, she was really mad too.”

Sam smirks, “Did you enjoy it. Getting manhandled by a pretty lady in the woods?”

“Sam.” Mutters Steve like a disappointed father reprimanding his son.

“Come on Buck, it’s okay, you can tell us. Was it nice?”

Bucky throws him a deadly glare, “Actually it was, I felt very loved and comforted.” He quips, voice dripping in sarcasm before a more thoughtful expression crosses his features, “But she didn’t actually hurt me. I don’t know, she almost looked conflicted to leave....I don’t know it happened so fast.” He mumbles, closing his eyes as he falls back into the comfort of the couch.

“Well as much as I’m enjoying this time together with all of you...” Says Natasha, “We now have a person from an unknown world on the loose with incredible power and the means to use it as she wants. We all know where that can lead us.”

“With more collateral damage then what Ultron gave us.” Adds Tony, “Fortunately this time it won’t be my fault...like that makes a big difference I know. Still, she’s the Avengers newest problem now and we don’t have a damn clue where Miss. Anger Management is.”

“Uh, not exactly.” Starts Bucky as they all turn to look at him. Sam raises an intrigued brow, “What do you mean, not exactly?”

“I, well uh-when she was threatening me, well one of the times she was threatening me...I was able to plant a tracker on the inside of her one pocket. Then she pushed me into the grass and ran off into the woods, I couldn’t keep up even if I tried. She was just gone, but at least I was able to do that. It’s something.”

“Barnes.” Says Tony slowly, “And you’re just telling us this now? When we could have been sending some intelligence or agents or even ourselves out to find her.”

“Sorry but I was recovering from getting beaten up by a beautiful demigod to remember so soon,” Sasses Bucky, “but yeah, that aside, she’s got a tracker on her so all I’d need to do is pull it up on my phone and I’m good to go. Well, as long as she hasn’t found it yet.” 

“If it’s just like that, you’re sharing with the rest of the class.” Says Tony while he wanders over to the television mounted upon the wall, “I’m gonna have you link with the tv, I don’t wanna miss a second.”

With a dramatic sigh does the Winter Soldier lean over to grab the thin metal device from off of the coffee table in front of him while Tony flicks on the large tv screen. Once all is set correctly and synched up, the others watch on in curiosity as he scrolls around a bit before finding the app and clicking on it, a couple passwords are sent in and accepted when the screen then shows one option labeled -Unite_1P - between two white bars within a sea of black.

He taps the label and the screen changes to a view of North America resembling that of google maps, but the screen soon shifts to zoom in on a moving pin point in red that’s traveling a couple miles far northeast of the Bronx, where it appears that Y/N happens to be trekking through some forest heading downwards towards that designated part of New York City.

Steve’s eyes trail over the red pin point, “So that’s where Y/N is going?”

“Seems like it. And she hasn’t a damn clue where she’s actually going either.”

Sam keeps his gaze locked onto the map as well, “And what does she want exactly?”

 “She said something about finding her brother but that’s honestly it, I tried to help her but it was almost pointless. She’s on her own mission now, and no ones going to get in her way.”

Steve sighs, “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

“What?”

“Y/N. Someone getting in her way, someone just trying to lend a hand and she takes it the wrong way and then...”

“I know man, but I don’t think she’d do that to some innocent person. At least I don’t think she would.” Worries Bucky while everyone takes a moment to process and stare at the screen, red pin point still moving slowly towards New York City. The creak of wood is suddenly heard and all five Avengers turn their heads towards the abrupt noise of Director Fury who’s found himself a spot to stand in the large room.

“Unfortunately we don’t know that. And as the worlds mightiest heroes. It’s your collective duty to always assume the worst. She’s strong, has a goal, and appears able to get it if she tries hard enough. It’s admirable, and yes she’s no Loki...but she is a danger to Earth the less we know about her true intentions and the longer she’s out of our reach.” Explains Fury, “Barnes you’ve done incredibly well. But our apparent need for you has increased as well, so I suggest you smack on a band-aid because we’re going to have a nice civil conversation with her whether she wants it or not.”

“Me?”

“Yes you. You’re the only person she hasn’t tried to send a chunk of metal at, you got close, you got the information. We need you to do it again.”

Steve looks to Fury, “I don’t know if that’s a good idea. What if she...”

“I’ll do it.....” They all give Bucky a collective array of questionable facial expressions as he shrugs, “What? I think she’ll listen, maybe, okay I’m not one hundred percent sure if Y/N will hear me out. But I gotta try right? She’s conflicted inside, she’s hurt and alone....if I just have a moment, another moment, I think I could get to her. I think she’ll listen.”

Fury smiles as Steve lowers his gaze, “That’s what I like to hear Mr. Barnes. And don’t none of you worry alright. We’ll be close, at a safer distance of course, but close in case anything goes south. Now the day is still young and we have a demigod to find, I assume you all know what to do.”

Steve looks to the array of assembled heroes, “Suite up..well actually...just Bucky.”

The designated man of the hour rolls his eyes, “Yeah, yeah, I’m going.”

-

Tagged: @buckylokisimp @diegos-butt @minigranger @bibliophilewednesday @holyhumorliteraturelight @lilacs-lavender  @a-girl-who-loves-disney @bizarrebibitch @starkssnarks @vikingqueen28 @jmstz @thehornytitties @staygoldsquatchling02 @cleverzonkwombatsludge @mischiefmanaged71​ @noragracebrewer   @atomicpersonacheesecake  @thescarlettvvitch @shawnartmendes​

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Mon 15 March ‘21

FIRST TIME GRAMMY AWARD WINNING ARTIST HARRY STYLES!! From the bottom of the stairs to the top of the fucking world baby, get itttt!! He won Best Pop Solo Performance for smash hit Watermelon Sugar-- the other two categories he was up for went to others but he was a dark horse for any of them so getting one is awesome! Yeah the grammys are shit but I’m so happy for him to see him receiving validation and acclaim from the industry that has never appreciated what he (and his bandmates) are and can do as artists, it’s a fucking start you know? We can enjoy the moment! Harry did! His acceptance speech was short and it feels like he was blindsided and forgot everything (including not to swear on TV and as pro as he is you know that means he was absolutely reeling, I love that) but later he said “I want to thank my fans for giving me an environment to be free to make the music that I want to make and supporting me along the way the last ten years”, yes that’s right we have helped you find a place to feel good, and “this is an incredibly sweet icing on the cake of what I get to do everyday so thank you.”

But that’s not all! He also performed, and wore things! Say what you want about Harry (or better yet please DON’T at least to me but that’s a losing battle) we always get so hyped up about even just seeing his outfits and he does not let us down! BLACK LEATHER, TITS FULLY OUT, DICK BANANA CHARM, AND A MUPPET BOA? Yeah he did that! Shirtless under a patent leather suit, I mean: wow. Very glam rock, very… well listen it’s just very GAY in like so many different ways??? Harry Lambert said they wanted “something darker, sexier, and more unexpected” which is definitely about that look I’m assuming and not the pastel thrift store rummage bin hodgepodge he wore later, unless Harry(s) and I have very different ways of interpreting “darker”. (Harry L also said “free the nipple” and we can all see that he MEANT it.) Harry red carpet-ed and accepted his award in a lavender muppet boa, tits slightly less out but still cleavagey, and with a seemingly random collection of other garments YES BABY OKAY you just WEAR THAT THEN! About that Harry L said, “we wanted to do something that felt British and eccentric, a little bit rock ‘n’ roll and a little bit camp,” but the people have spoken and they said ‘we think he looked like Cher from Clueless’ so, sorry Harry(s)! Esquire struggling to describe the look-- “the kind of thing that Styles seems to make wearable” klasjdlk the doubtful ‘seems’ is sending me. Either way we can definitely all agree on the camp part, and that the matching face mask (as seen in the audience shots and in adorbs pics of him camping it up with Lizzo backstage) is amazing, love that (even if he does spend way too much time nervously pulling it on and off omg just LEAVE IT) and it even went also with outfit number THREE (or at least it did as well as any of his anything went together lol) which was a big floppy orange coat and plaid pants and a THIRD BOA, a dignified (haha JK NOPE it’s still a muppet) black number this time.

It seems the performance was filmed in advance rather than done live-- there were clues suggesting this might be the case, but the real giveaway was when a picture from it leaked before the broadcast, lol. Way to make it so we “can’t even tell if it’s live or not” Ben, and why is he STILL so obsessed with trying to gaslight us anyway my god just say what’s prerecorded it’s fiiiine. ANYWAY Harry played Watermelon Sugar and only WS; well after all it is his GRAMMY AWARD WINNING SONG. Plus it was a really nice version, all smooth and funky, with a highlight of the night being Harry’s full on 60s girl group choreo move with the backup singers, omg. Those backing vocalists were the duo G.A.W.D., and there was extra accompaniment by fellow nominee Devonte Hynes aka Blood Orange (who also directed the performance and no I do not know what that means) and “Spencer and Josh” on horns (the closest I can find to someone crediting them so, apologies guys). Anyway! All of them (regular HS band included) were decked out in matching gucci black leather too and looking good. And Harry looked so happy to be up there performing, just beaming like a lighthouse, so overall- good good stuff, I just keep on dancin!

The real bombshell of the performance though was subtle and needed confirmation after for the excitement to really hit-- it was Sarah drumming  decked out in tight black leather and visibly pregnant!! That’s right, band drummer Sarah Jones is PREGNANT by (Grammy Award winning) guitarist Mitch, there’s a HARRY STYLES BAND BABY on the way!!!! WHAT A NIGHT! It wasn’t enough for Harry to find love in his own band, he’s somehow cupid-ing that energy all over the place and spreading it around, AMAZING!

And Liam comes through with not just a sweet congratulations for Harry (“what a huge moment, proud to be your brother” awwww) but also the final word on the performance look- goddammit it IS one of the rejected Best Song Ever video looks, LMAOOOO. But did he tag HSHQ instead of Harry directly in acknowledgment of how the awards system really works and that they are all to be congratulated or simply because it was easier? We will never know.

Additional tidbits-- bassist Hynes was apparently playing creative director Molly Hawkins’ dad’s bass- did we know her dad was a famous bassist who played with Fleetwood Mac and many other 70s stars?! If I did I had definitely forgotten! And more Molly news-- she’s also pregnant!! Harry will soon be surrounded by quarantine babies, dreams really coming true huh? Harry posted a pic of himself with Mitch and Devonte looking very cooool, we saw the ceramic watermelons label execs were sent for the WS release last year, and Rebecca Ferguson who knows 1D from way back when (and has recently drawn attention for talking frankly about how fucked up the industry is and about having seen unnamed boy band members literally slammed against the wall by their management) congratulated Harry and posted a couple of baby pop star Harry pics, cuuuute. Louis’ merch handlers, in response to no complaints whatsoever, sent out emails apologizing. They say they’ve run out of lanyards which were meant to be sent out so they will “be adding a freebie which we know you’ll enjoy” to affected customers’ orders. That is sucky about the lanyards but that’s customer care! Niall posted about his cool bright limited edition merch to remind that it will be gone gone gone tonight and also shared a pretty and touching picture from a the large anti violence rally held in London to protest the killing of Sarah Everard today. And finally some good advice from Bebe Rexha, loved by larries; she says she loves us right back but please don’t kill anyone for not streaming her new song! Yes good plan.

[path-of-my-childhood]

How Aaron Dessner and Taylor Swift Stripped Down Her Sound on ‘Folklore’

By: Jon Blistein for Rolling Stone Date: July 24th 2020

At the beginning of March, the National’s Aaron Dessner traveled back to the United States from Paris, where he’d been living with his family, to shack up at Sonic Ranch Studio in Tornillo, Texas to work on the next Big Red Machine album with Bon Iver’s Justin Vernon. Those plans - obviously - soon shifted, as the reality of the COVID-19 pandemic set in. Dessner and his family were able to relocate to their home in upstate New York as lockdown orders went into effect, and the musician soon settled into a groove of homeschooling his kids and able to focus fully on music in a way he hadn’t in a while, due to the National’s regularly rigorous touring schedule.

In the middle of what Dessner describes as one of the most productive moments of his career, Taylor Swift called. A longtime and avowed fan of the National, Swift asked if Dessner wanted to try collaborating on a few songs remotely. He said of course, and asked if she was looking for anything in particular. He noted that he had plenty of material at the ready, but acknowledged he’d been in a more experimental mood, due to the Big Red Machine sessions; not to mention, Dessner added, he’d never really ventured into the pop world Swift has dominated for well over a decade. She told him to send everything he had.

“I think she was interested in the emotions that she feels in some of the music that I’ve made,” Dessner tells Rolling Stone.” So I just sent her a folder of things I’d done recently and was excited about. Hours after, she sent back a fully written version of ‘Cardigan.’ It was like a lightning bolt struck the house.”

Over the next few months, Dessner and Swift crafted the bulk of Swift’s eighth studio album, Folklore. Dessner spoke with Rolling Stone about working with Swift, their instant chemistry, how the album developed under a thick cloud of secrecy and more.

When Taylor first reached out, did she have a specific vision in mind for the album? She was a bit cryptic. I didn’t know that we were actually working on a record for quite a while. It just seemed that she was seeking me out to collaborate. And then we were both feeling very inspired by it. Once there were six or seven songs that we had written over a couple of weeks, she said, “Hey can we talk?” Then she said, ‘This is what I’m imagining,’ and started to tell me about the concept of Folklore. Then she mentioned that she’d written some songs at an earlier stage with Jack [Antonoff], and they felt like they really fit together with what we were doing. It was a very inspiring, exhilarating collaborative process that was almost entirely remote. Very sort of warp speed, but also something about it felt like we were going toe-to-toe and in a good pocket.

After “Cardigan,” how did these songs develop and do you think she pushed you in any new directions as a songwriter? When you’re working with someone new, it takes a second to understand their instincts and range. It’s not really conscious. She wrote “Cardigan,” and then “Seven,” then “Peace.” They kind of set a road map, because “Cardigan” was this kind of experimental ballad, the closest thing to a pop song on the record, but it’s not really. It’s this emotional thing, but it has some strange sounds in it. “Seven” is this kind of nostalgic, emotional folk song. Even before she sang to it, I felt this nostalgia, wistful feeling in it, and I think that’s what she gravitated towards. And “Peace,” that just showed me the incredible versatility that she had. That song is just three harmonized bass lines and a pulse. I love to play bass like that - play one line then harmonize another, and another, which is a behavior I stole from Justin Vernon, because he’s done that on other things we’ve done together. And actually, that’s his pulse, he sent me that pulse and said, “Do something with this.” But when she wrote that song, which kind of reminds me of a Joni Mitchell song over a harmonized bassline and a pulse, that was kind of like, “Woah, anything can happen here.” That’s not easy to do. 

So, in the morning I would wake up and try to be productive. “Mad Woman” is one I wrote shortly after that, in terms of sound world, felt very related to “Cardigan” and “Seven.” I do have a way of playing piano where it’s very melodic and emotional, but then often it’s great if whoever’s singing doesn’t sing exactly what’s in the piano melody, but maybe it’s connected in some way. There was just some chemistry happening with her and how she was relating to those ideas.

“Epiphany” was something she had an idea for, and then I imagined these glacial, Icelandic sounds with distended chords and this almost classical feeling. That was another one where we wrote it and conceived it together. She just has a very instinctive and sharp musical mind, and she was able to compose so closely to what I was presenting. What I was doing was clicking for her. It was exhilarating for us, and it was surreal - we were shocked by it, to be honest [Laughs]. I think the warmth, humanity and raw energy of her vocals, and her writing on this record, from the very first voice memos - it was all there.

Do you think that chemistry might’ve had something to do with her being a National fan, and you being a fan of her music? We met Taylor at Saturday Night Live in 2014, or whenever that was that we played and Lena Dunham was hosting. We got to meet her, and that was our first brush with a bona fide pop star. But then she came to see us play in Brooklyn last summer and was there in a crazy rainstorm, like torrential downpour, and watched the whole show and stayed for a long time afterwards, talking to me and my brother. She was incredibly charming and humble. That’s the nice thing about her, and a lot of people I’ve met that have that kind of celebrity. It’s great when you can just tune it out and be normal people and chat, and that’s how that felt. So, we knew that she was a big fan, and we really got into the 1989 album. Our Icelandic collaborator, Ragnar Kjartansson, is a crazy Swiftie. So we’ve kind of lived vicariously through him. I’ve always been astonished by how masterful she is in her craft. I’ve always listened to her albums and put them in this rarefied category, like, “How did she do that? How does anybody do that? How do you make ‘Blank Space?’” There was an element that was intimidating at first, where it just took me a second to be like… Not because I think her music is better than what we’ve done, but it’s just a different world.

Were there particular songs, albums or artists the two of you discussed as reference points for this album? “Betty,” which is a song she wrote with William Bowery, she was interested in sort of early Bob Dylan, like Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan, I think. “Epiphany,” early on, felt like some weird Kate Bush-meets-Peter Gabriel thing. I think we talked a little about those things, but not a lot. Actually, I think she really trusted me as far as my instincts to where the music would ultimately go, and also the mixing process.  We really wanted to keep her voice as human, and kind of the opposite of plastic, as possible. That was a bit of a battle. Because everything in pop music tends to be very carved out, a smiley face, and as pushed as possible so that it translates to the radio or wherever you hear it. That can also happen with a National song - like if you changed how these things are mixed, they wouldn’t feel like the same song. And she was really trusting and heard it herself. She would make those calls herself, also.

You mentioned William Bowery - who is he? He’s a songwriter, and actually because of social distancing, I’ve never met him. He actually wrote the original idea for “Exile,” and then Taylor took it and ran with it. I don’t actually know to be totally honest.

We’ve been trying to track him down, he doesn’t have much of an internet presence. Yeah, I don’t fully know him, other than he wrote “Betty” and “Exile” with her. But you know she’s a very collaborative person, so it was probably some songwriter.

So it’s not an alias for anyone? No, no, no. I mean, I don’t know - she didn’t tell me there was a “Cardigan” video until literally it came out, and I wrote the song with her [laughs]. So I don’t know. But I’m pretty sure he’s an actual songwriter. She enjoys little mysteries.

With the National, you and your brother write the music, Matt Berninger adds the lyrics, and then you fuse it - was it a similar process on Folklore? Taylor is very collaborative in that sense that, whenever she sent a voice memo, she would send all the lyrics and then ask me what I thought. And sometimes we would debate certain lines, although generally she’s obviously a strong writer. So she would ask me if I liked one line, and she would give me alternate lines and I would give her my opinion. And then when she was actually tracking vocals, I would sometimes suggest things or miss things, but she definitely has a lot of respect for the collaborative process and wants whoever she’s writing with to feel deeply included in that process. It was nice, and was a back and forth, for sure. And she would sometimes have ideas about the production if she didn’t like something, especially. She would, in a tactful way, bring that up. I appreciated that, too, since I wanted to try to turn over every leaf, take risks and sometimes get it wrong. That always takes a second, to get over and then you start again.

You mentioned earlier that once you had six, seven songs, she was able to describe a concept behind the album. I’m curious what that conversation was like. She would always explain what each song was about to me, even before she articulated the Folklore concept. And I could tell early on that they were these narrative songs, often told from a different… not in the first person. So there are different characters in the songs that appear in others. You may have a character in “Betty” that’s also related to one in “Cardigan,” for example. And I think that was, in her mind, very, very important. It doesn’t seem like, for this record at least, that she was inspired to write something until she really knew what it was about. And I think I’m used to a more - at least lately - impressionistic and experimental world of making stuff without really knowing what it is. But this was more direct, in that sense. That was really helpful, to know what it was about and it would guide some of the choices we were making.

Every time she would send something, she would narrate a little bit, like how it fit, or what it was about. And then when she told me about Folklore as a concept, it made so much sense. Like “The Last Great American Dynasty,” for example, this kind of narrative song that then becomes personal at the end - it flips and she enters the song. These are kind of these folkloric, almost mythical tales that are woven in of childhood, lost love, and different sentiments across the record. It was binding it all together and I think it’s personal, but also through the guise of other people, friends and loved ones.

You were working in secret - how did that affect the process? Was that a difficult burden? It was. I was humbled and honored and grateful for the opportunity and for the crazy sort of alchemy we were having. But it was hard not to be able to talk openly with my usual collaborators, even my brother at first. I didn’t know if I could really tell him, because we normally… Ultimately, he helped me quite a bit, he orchestrated songs. But we always help each other. But eventually, we figured out how to do it. Towards the end of the process, I said to Taylor, ‘I really feel that I need to try a few experiment and try to elevate a few moments on the record because we have time, and we’ve really done a ton of work here, and it all sounds great, but I think we can go even further.’ And then she said, ‘Well what does that mean?’ And I explained how that would work, and the way that we work. Our process is very community-oriented, and we have long-time collaborators that we have a good understanding with. So I was able to say, to my friends, ‘This is a song I’m working on, I can’t send it to you with the vocals, and I can’t tell you what it is, but I can explain what I’m imagining.’ And the same with my brother, he knows my music so well that that was very easy for him to just take things that we were working on, add to that, and do his kind of work. So it was all remote and everyone was in their corner and we were shipping things around. It was incredibly fast because of that, because you didn’t have eight people needing to come to the studio. You had eight people working simultaneously - one in France and one in L.A. and one in Brooklyn. This is how it went, and it was fun. We got there.

When were you able to tell everyone who contributed that this was the Taylor Swift record, what was their reaction? You can imagine. I think they realized it was something big because [of] the confidentiality, and they were like, ‘It could only be a few things.’ I couldn’t tell them until, basically, when she announced it. Just in the moments after she announced it, I basically told everyone. I was like, ‘By the way…’ And they were thrilled. Everyone’s thrilled. Nobody seemed mad, everyone was thrilled and honored. Even Justin Vernon had not heard anything else except “Exile,” even though the pulse of that song “Peace,” he gave that song to me. It was important to have it be a surprise, and you know how it can be with someone in her position, with all the speculation, and she’s always under a lot of pressure like that. So it was really important to the creative freedom she was feeling that this remained a secret, so she could just do what we were doing.

Being such longtime friends and collaborators with Justin, what was it like hearing “Exile” for the first time? His voice and Taylor’s together? He’s so versatile and has such a crazy range, and puts so much emotion… Every time he sings when I’m in his presence, my head just kind of hits the back of the wall. That’s the same on this song. William Bowery and Taylor wrote that song together, got it to a certain point, then I sort of interpreted it and developed a recording of it, and then Taylor tracked both the male and female parts. And then we sent it to Justin and he re-did obviously the male parts and changed a few things and also added his own: He wrote the “step right out” part of the bridge, and Taylor re-sang to that. You feel like, in a weird way, you’re watching two of the greatest songwriters and vocalists of our generation collaborating. I was facilitating it and making it happen, and playing all the music. But it was definitely a “Wow.” I was just a fan at that point, seeing it happen.

Are there any moments that really stick out to you as particularly pivotal in shaping the sound of this record? The initial response. When we first connected, and I sent a folder of music and Taylor wrote “Cardigan,” and she said, “This is abnormal. Why do you have all these songs that are so emotional and so moving to me? This feels fated.” And then she just dove into it and embraced this emotional current. And I hope that’s what people take out of it: The humanity in her writing and melodies. It’s a different side to her. She could have been every bit as successful just making these kinds of songs, but it’s so great that she’s also made everything that she’s ever made, and this is a really interesting shift, and an emotional one. It also opens other doors, because now it’s kind of like she can go wherever she wants, creatively. The pressure to make a certain kind of… bop - or whatever you want to call it - is not there really anymore. And I think that’s really liberating, and I hope her fans and the world are excited by that because I am. It’s really special.

[kirksfattitties]

asks you can smell the privilege and internalized ableism radiate from

(tw for ableism and other bigoted implications)

i’m bad at reading tone but even i understand that this is 100% you being condescending and trying to cover it up with smiley faces and false sincerity. and i don’t appreciate that.

before i get into deconstructing your shitty ableist argument, i want to explain the reasons i believe in self diagnosis (self-dx):

even professional diagnosis doesn’t start with a doctor diagnosing you. there has to be a reason for seeing the doctor. some people see a doctor in their adult life because they’re struggling, some people are taken by their parents, some people are referred or suggested that they see a specialist. whatever it is, you don’t just see a doctor and they magically give you a neurodivergency. people have neurodivergencies before they see doctors and even if they NEVER see a doctor.

the psychiatry system is flawed in MANY ways and to say that it isn’t means you’re denying the experiences of people with less privledge than yourself. also like psychiatry isn’t gonna suck your dick. you don’t have to be a bootlicker lol

in many places (hi hello i’m from america where our government tries to indirectly kill us by not providing us with adequate healthcare! i and many other people have many issues we can’t get fixed because simply our government cares more about the economy than us), seeing a psychiatrist or a therapist or going to a mental hospital or WHATEVER is INCREDIBLY expensive. and to assume that everyone has access and enough time/money/energy/transportation/whatever to do all of that is classist and elitist.

ANYTHING medical (including mental health) is biased towards white cis men. most studies are done on white cis men/boys. because of this, people who aren’t white cis men (or people who aren’t perceived as white cis men) are often not diagnosed. the system is racist. the system is sexist. the system is transphobic. people don’t know how to diagnose autism or adhd or personality disorders or other neurodivergencies or even mental illnesses in black people and other people of color, in women, in trans people, etc. and GOD FORBID someone be in multiple (or all) of those categories. saying “just go get diagnosed :)” is a privileged statement to make.

shocker! the psychiatry system is also ableist. if you’re already diasabled (whether it be mental or physical) and you see a doctor about ANOTHER disability? the doctor is most likely going to shoot you down. or at least be weary about someone having mutliple disabilities.

also most people who diagnose are neurotypical. they have never and will probably never experience neurodivergency so they can never fully understand it. they operate off of stereotypes of neurodivergent people and usually only stereotypical behavior of neurodivergent white cis men (which, as i mentioned before, is problematic for anyone who isn’t a white cis man). neurotypical diagnosers don’t know the neurodivergent culture and aren’t trained to recognize very common things (like masking for example).

a professional diagnosis can also be weaponized. not everyone can get a professional diagnosis because there are some neurodivergencies (such as autism and personality disorders) and mental illnesses (like depression) that can have legal and medical respercussions to have in your record. trans people can be denied medical and legal transition for being professionally diagnosed. people can lose custody battles for being professionally diagnosed. a professional diagnosis can be used as justification for taking away someone’s body autonomy (especially if that person is also physically disabled).

a LOT of neurodivergencies also have some type of symptom (or symptoms) that make it difficult to interact with people. troubles recognizing facial expressions, troubles understanding certain phrases and types of speech, paranoid about people, audio processing issues, being nonverbal in an environment that doesn’t accommodate for it, overstimulation, extreme social anxiety, discomfort in new situations, problems with eye contact, and a lot more. because like. for many nd people, interacting with people is very difficult and stressful. and hey. if you want to get a professional diagnosis? take a WILD guess what you have to do? FUCKING INTERACT with people! LIKE?? JEHDJJDKEKKDKDKDS. do you know how many professionally diagnosed nd people i know who made their appointment COMPLETELY on their own without help from a parent or family member or friend? LITERALLY ZERO! and i know A FEW nd people who have professional diagnoses! so if someone has social issues that prevent them from doing tasks like calling and making an appointment, showing up for an appointment, talking during the appointment, etc and ALSO doesn’t have familial or friend support (because newsflash! people who are friends/family of disabled people can still be ableist)? almost impossible to get a diagnosis! plus, the diagnosis process is TIME CONSUMING. not everyone can focus on a task for that long and not everyone can miss work/school for that long.

so those are the reasons i support self-dx. (although there’s probably more that i’m forgetting but i have adhd and it’s hard for me to remember things!)

so hopefully you now understand my reasons for believing in self-dx, and perhaps even you’re pro-self-dx now because before you were just uneducated on these issues and how they impact people who aren’t you.

but in case you’re still anti-self-dx and probably hate already-marginalized neurodivergent people, let’s talk about this horrendous ask (series of asks, actually) that i got sent. i feel like i can feel the self hatred and internalized ableism OOZING from this ask and into my inbox, so thanks for that i guess /s

“Sometimes people who self diagnose can take away from those who are actually nd, even sometimes from themselves.”

starting out strong with the ableism on this one by separating people into “self diagnosed” and “actually nd” people. self diagnosed people ARE actually nd

there’s not a limited number of nd resources. this isn’t a math equation of only x amount of people can be nd because there’s only y amount of resources. more people realizing they’re nd will actually MAKE more resources for nd people and will bring more awareness to being nd

even IF someone self diagnosed, and they go back on it later, what harm was done? they learned some coping mechanisms? they made some nd friends? neither of those are problematic and i think they’re both actually very helpful. i think nt people SHOULD learn more about nd people and stuff because i think that will lead to WAYYY less misunderstandings and WAYYYY less ableism

“There are many people who fake nds for attention,”

hey anon, what fucking world do you live in that nd’s are cool enough to fake having? because i would LOVE to live there. like, i literally had a post about my personality disorder (which i will not be specifying) i had to delete because people were sending my anons about how i was “scary” and “threatening” now that they knew i had the personality disorder i have. last year i left a discord server because the ableism i was recieving from not only the members of the server, but the mods as well. there are very few people i know irl who i tell about my personality disorder, but when i tell people about my adhd, they start treating me different. they infantalize me and make fun of me and use “jokes” about stereotypical adhd behaviors to alienate me and they even TELL OTHER PEOPLE without my permission. i was SEVERELY bullied throughout elementary and middle school for being nd. i have been refused job and educational opportunities as well as literal medical attention for being nd. people aren’t “faking” being nd, and if they were they probably wouldn’t be doing it for long because it’s not something that’s EASY to deal with.

kinda ironic that you’re saying people can’t diagnose themselves but that YOU can tell when someone is faking their diagnosis. that’s both hypocritical and a double standard.

masking exists. if you think someone isn’t “acting nd enough” they’re probably masking because they’ve been fucking bullied and harrassed. also you’re probably basing whatever you think nd is on stereotypes. not every nd person is sheldon cooper lol.

this is a side note but can we talk about how you’re literally just taking transmed rhetoric and molding it to fit nd people? like. you really come onto MY NONBINARY NEURODIVERGENT blog and expect me to validate your recycled “but what about the REAL [insert group] people?” ??? like grow up, elitist. you’re not better than anyone else just because you lick some boots 🥾 👅

“and claiming that self diagnosis (and this is just what I interpreted) is just as valid as professional diagnosis”

it is 😌

the only difference between self diagnosis and professional diagnosis is that a professional diagnosis can also get you medicine. not every neurodivergency needs meds and not every neurodivergency can be treated (at this time or even ever). for example, my pd (self diagnosed) doesn’t have a specific treatment but multiple symptoms of the pd (all professionally diagnosed) have specific treatments and medicines that work, so patients are given/diagnosed with/prescribed those instead. also, medicine doesn’t work for everyone! and sometimes people are allergic to or take medicines that will conflict with any new medicine.

“can really devalue the account of someone who actually has a disorder”

here we go again with that “self diagnosed” vs “actually nd” bullshit. literally just say you hate poor people n minorities and leave lol

someone having a different experience than you isn’t devaluing you, but if you’re the one who always has the spotlight maybe you should use your privledge uplift other marginalized people instead of feeling angry when everything isn’t all about you 100% of the time

“I have a second ask”

i don’t want it

“Plus it can be damaging for a person if they self diagnose wrong.”

how? what if they learn information that they wouldn’t’ve otherwise known like coping mechanisms that help them with their own neurodivergencies? that’s definitely not a bad thing

i think it’s funny that you bring up that people can self diagnose wrong and don’t even MENTION that doctors can diagnose wrong. like. you know. the people who GIVE OUT MEDICINE to people. i think it’s MUCH more dangerous when a PROFESSIONAL diagnosis is wrong. what are self-dx people with wrong diagnoses gonna do? read up on nd tips? maybe smoke some weed? drink some coffee? that’s about all they can do with a self-dx. but if a MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL gives you an INCORRECT diagnosis, they can ACTUALLY fuck you up.

“I was recently diagnosed with PTSD, a disorder which I would have never considered I’d have.”

that’s great about your professional diagnosis! i don’t know you but i’m glad you’re finding out about yourself and getting the help you want and/or need /srs

sorry if this sounds blunt, but honestly i’m not surprised you never considered you could have PTSD. based on your asks, you sound like you have a lot of internalized ableism you need to work through and a lot more research about neurodiversity you need to do. being anti-self diagnosis is a common belief among a lot of people with internalized ableism and a lot of these same people are the ones who have no issue with and even SUPPORT auti$m $peaks. many nd organizations that are run BY nd people (like asan) actually support self-dx.

“If I had of diagnosed my own symptoms and then started treating myself or taking precautions based on my self diagnosed "condition", it could of really hurt me.”

how? taking precautions to preserve your mental health is NEVER a bad idea. i’m not ptsd, but someone i care deeply about DOES have ptsd and has shared a lot of the precautions and coping mechanisms for ptsd with me and honestly they’ve been incredibly helpful. it’s almost as if different neurodivergencies and/or mental illnesses have overlap and that’s why there’s a whole community for us to be able to share these resources and information with each other!

the same person was rejected a formal autism diagnosis because of their ptsd, plus the fact that they’re transgender and the fact they have symptoms of adhd. it’s not really my place to talk about their experience with professional diagnosis, but i’ll send this post to them and allow them to add on their experience in a rb if they’re comfortable with that. but it’s almost as if their experience with the professional diagnosis process was unhelpful, harmful, ableist, and transphobic 🧐 and unfortunately this is a pretty common experience

“Also, by self diagnosing, I devalue the account of a person with the disorder l assumed I had.”

how? if someone thinks they’re nd, they have a legitimate reason for thinking so. either they have another neurodivergency than the one they thought they had, or they’re neurotypical and need to figure themself out and have a need for support. either way, they learned more about the specific neurodivergency, more about the nd community, and more about themself. i don’t see how that’s a bad thing.

if you think self-diagnosed people’s experiences inherently have less value, that is straight up ableism. especially considering that other marginalized identities and minorities have trouble getting professional diagnoses, you might also be bigoted in some other way. or at the very least, refusing to acknowledge your privilege.

“only one more I promise”

i don’t want it

“I understand that doctors are expensive and professionals can get it wrong,”

okay. if you understand this, then dm me your information so i can bill you for the cost of my professional diagnoses, the cost for my therapy sessions, the cost for my medicine, and the cost for transportation to and from all these places. PLUS the cost of the work and school i’ll be missing for these sessions. 🤲

“but self diagnosis can be really harmful to yourself or others.”

nah, you’re just ableist and a gatekeeper lol

“If you feel like you have a disorder, go see a psychiatrist, you may have it.”

[remembers when i went to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with two major symptoms of a personality disorder and said i had other symptoms of the pd as well but refused to diagnose me with the actual personality disorder because i was a minor at the time and he told me “kids don’t have personalities so they can’t have personality disorders”. i understand being weary about diagnosing children with personality disorders because they aren’t fully developed but this dude straight up told me that i didn’t have a personality. this man literally only worked with children so that means he literally never diagnosed personality disorders. this man was literally just lazy and didn’t care about his patients. this man also refused to believe me when i told him the medicine he prescribed me made my symptoms worse and even made me hallucinate. he ignored me and refused to change my medicine so eventually i just changed psychiatrists and they put me on a new medicine that DIDNT make my symptoms worse and DIDNT make me hallucinate. also i looked it up after our session and apparently ONLY people with my pd and related ones experience hallucinations on that certain medication. it’s almost like his refusal to diagnose me and ignoring my symptoms/concerns harmed me. this man also constantly misgendered me and told me that homosexuality and transgenderism should’ve still been in the dsm. like golly, it’s almost as if being queer and neurodivergent in an extremely conservative state is harmful and dangerous. and that psychiatrists aren’t immune from being homophobic and transphobic and ableist.] but yes :) perhaps i should see another psychiatrist in this conservative state :)

“I don't want to undermine anyone's actual experiences, but it can be dangerous.”

then stop undermining people’s actual experiences :)

no ❤️

“If you feel like something's wrong, go see a professional.”

the whole point of the neurodiversity movement is that there IS no such thing as a “normal” brain, so saying that neurodivergent people have something “wrong” with them is ableist.

💰 🤲 hand it over

“I don't want to offend, I just don't want anyone to get mislead or hurt. :)”

you absolutely meant to offend. you literally said that self-diagnosed people’s experiences aren’t valid and have less value than people who have professional diagnoses

i know more people who have been (and personally have been) mislead and hurt by professionals than by simply existing as a self-diagnosed person

also i want to say that being pro-self dx is NOT being anti-professional/formal diagnosis. i think that people should absolutely get a professional diagnosis (if they are able to without negative repercussions)! being pro-self dx is more inclusive of marginalized people (like people of color, women, lgbtq+ people, people with multiple disabilities, etc). pro-self dx is simply just saying that professional diagnosis isn’t the only option

(neurotypical people and anti-self dx people don’t add anything; pro-self dx neurodivergent people are allowed to add with their experiences if they want)

[bellakitse]

could i request #4 from the prompts list please 🤗💕

Moments Worth Waiting For

After TK has an accident at work, Carlos waits with his crew to see if he's okay.

Grace sits with him, lending him a shoulder to rest on.

Carlos Reyes sits in an uncomfortable chair at St. David Medical Center, staring at a closed door of the hospital where his boyfriend once again lies after another brush with death.

“I’m going to kill him,” Judd mutters angrily next to him as he fidgets in his seat. “After we bubble wrap him within an inch of his life, I’m going to kill him. Damn kid is going to send all of us to an early grave from worry.”

Carlos doesn’t say anything, but he understands the sentiment. It’s only been five months since TK got shot, five months since they decided to be together, making them the happiest months of Carlos’ life. Five months and here they are again, scared shitless as they wait to find out if TK is okay after a beam fell on him while answering to a fire in a downtown building.

Getting the call from Captain Strand telling him that TK was in the hospital after an accident had caused his heart to drop to his stomach – hours later, without the chance to see TK yet, his heart hasn’t returned to its rightful place.

“Bubble wrap and caution tape,” Judd continues his ranting, turning to look at him. “You probably have some in your squad car, right, Reyes?”

Carlos opens his mouth only to close it again, not really sure how he should answer the man. Luckily for him, Grace, Judd’s wife, places a hand on him, drawing his attention.

“Judd, darling, why don’t you go get us some coffee,” she says kindly even as her tone lets them know it’s not a suggestion. “You can keep planning to baby proof TK when you come back,” she finishes saying sarcastically.

Judd pouts at Grace’s blatant mocking but still stands up to do as she asks, leaving the space between them free.

“Sorry,” she says to him with a kind smile. “He gripes because he’s worried, it’s just Judd’s way of showing affection.”

Carlos gives her a half-smile to be polite before his eyes stray back to the closed door of the hospital room. Owen had gone in there with the doctor over twenty minutes ago and still nothing, he was slowly going insane.

Grace continues to look at him, a warm tentative look on her pretty face. “How are you doing, sweetheart?”

“I’m fine,” Carlos says on autopilot, grimacing when Grace shoots him a look that calls bull shit on his response. “Grace – “ he starts again, only to quiet when Grace’s expression turns no-nonsense.

“There is no one here that understands better than me what you are feeling,” she tells him, her voice serious. Her eyes lock with his, and Carlos can’t look away. He feels his heart catch at her next words. “To be so in love with someone who is always in danger. To have them in a hospital bed and not know if they’re going to be okay. I get that fear better than anyone.”

Carlos swallows hard, the word love echoing in his ears. He knows he loves TK, there isn’t a doubt in his mind of that, but this is the first time the word has been used when it relates to them, and it’s neither of them using it.

“We haven’t said we love each other yet,” he says quietly, giving voice to his thoughts. The smile he gets from Grace in return is as tender as it is amused.

“Sometimes things are obvious even without the words, sweetheart,” Grace says knowingly as she reaches out to take his hand in hers, laughing softly when he gives her a shy smile, feeling bashful at how obvious his feelings are. “But,” she continues with emphasis. “Holding everything in doesn’t help, you know?” she tells him with a raised eyebrow. “You should tell him.”

“Tell him what?” he questions quietly, looking around the waiting room again before landing on the door that remains closed despite his silent wishing for it to open already. “That I’m completely and hopelessly in love with him, or that I lose years of my life from worry when he’s in danger. Or maybe, that the idea of losing him makes something in my chest squeeze so hard it seems impossible to catch my breath?”

“I think all that falls under the hopelessly in love category,” she says kindly, chuckling again when he shoots her an exasperated look. She squeezes his hand, letting out a small sigh. “That feeling you described just now, that ‘can’t catch your breath’ feeling?” she questions with a sad, understanding smile on her lips. “I know that feeling all too well, Carlos. It’s exactly how I felt when Judd and the 126 had their accident. It felt like there wasn’t enough air in the room as I waited to see if Judd would wake up, I felt like I was dying.”

Carlos licks his lips anxiously. “Does that feeling stop?” he asks, his spirits lifting when her sad expression brightens.

“It did,” she tells him, her eyes shine with unshed tears; it’s obvious the memory still causes an emotional reaction out of Grace, but she smiles through it. “He opened his eyes and looked at me, and it was like there was oxygen in the room again. It will probably be the same for you.”

Carlos goes to speak when the door of TK’s room opens, a doctor walks out, followed by Owen, who looks around the room as everyone goes to attention.

“He’s okay, he’s awake,” he says, letting out a deep breath that’s echoed by everyone in the waiting room.

The volume in the room goes up as TK’s crew asks to see him, but Owen just shakes his head before turning to look at him. “He’s asking for you, Carlos,” he tells him as the side of his mouth lifts. “Won’t stop, actually.”

Carlos lets out a shaky breath as Grace pats his hand once more before he stands, breaking her gentle hold.

Walking towards the hospital room, he pauses at the door when Owen reaches out and squeezes his shoulder in support before moving to the side to let him in.

He finds green eyes already on him as he steps into the hospital room. TK is sitting up on the bed, white gauzes circle his head, and there are scratches on his face and left arm along with some light burns from the beam that fell on him.

“How are you feeling?” he asks TK, his voice thick as he tries to control his emotions and not sound as scared now as he’s felt since Owen called. The way TK’s gaze on him goes impossibly soft lets him know he’s not very successful.

“I'll feel much better when my boyfriend comes closer,” TK answers, his lips tilting at the corners when Carlos scoffs softly even as he walks towards the bed.

Once he’s within touching distance, TK does just that, and reaches out for his hand.

“And I’ll feel even better when said boyfriend I’m crazy about leans down to kiss me,” he continues, his pretty green eyes dancing with amusement as Carlos shakes his head.

“Needy,” he murmurs, feeling lighter when TK bobs his head in agreement before tipping his chin up, waiting for his kiss.

Carlos brushes his mouth against TK’s, keeping the kiss soft, not wanting to hurt TK’s injured body any more than it already is.

“I was so scared,” Carlos confesses against his mouth, not pulling back even as he sits at the edge of the bed.

“I know,” TK answers, his voice no more than a whisper, his face remorseful as he rests his forehead against Carlos’. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, baby,” Carlos whispers back. “You were just doing your job.”

“I know,” TK sighs, pressing his forehead a little harder against Carlos’ for a moment before pulling back to look at him. “I just hate making all of you worry,” he continues as he raises his hand, running his thumb over Carlos’ brow. “Especially you, sweetheart. I hate it.”

“I can’t help that,” Carlos says, almost apologetically. “I always worry about you.”

TK smiles softly at him, his eyes shining with affection and love. It echoes the feeling inside his chest, and Carlos remembers Grace's earlier advice.

“TK – I,” he starts only for TK to lift his hand, covering his mouth.

“I know,” TK tells him, and if his expression was full of love seconds ago, it’s nothing compared to now.

“I know, Carlos,” he continues, smiling that special TK smile of his that Carlos loves so much. “And I feel exactly the same way.”

Carlos touches TK’s wrist, bringing the hand over his mouth off his face. “Then why…” he trails off, lifting the hand between them.

“I don’t want the first time we say those words to be here,” TK explains; he brings their clasped hands to his mouth, pressing a soft kiss over Carlos’ knuckles. “I don’t want it to be while I’m in a hospital bed, and you’re worried about me,” he continues, frowning gently as he looks up at him. “I think we deserve better than that baby, don’t you?”

Carlos looks at TK, takes in the marks on his face, the tiredness of his eyes as the day’s event starts to take its toll, making them take on a haziness to their usual bright green, and he realizes TK is right. They do deserve a better moment for their first I love you’s than this. He continues to look at him, the man he loves, and even without the words, knows loves him too, banged up, but alive, and he thanks his lucky stars that they’ll have a chance after today to say those words.

“Yeah, baby, we do,” he agrees, his heart fluttering when TK smiles beautifully at him. “We do.”

TK is still smiling when he tugs him in closer, and he’s still smiling when they kiss. “We’ll get that moment, sweetheart,” he whispers against his lips before kissing him again.

A week later, when TK is safe and out of the hospital. When he’s in his arms as they get ready for bed and TK says those words, pressing them into the skin below his ear, his heart feeling fuller than it’s ever felt before, he knows the moment was worth the wait.

[haikyuuvbc]

Chapter 10: Sibling Day

It’s About Time!

Taglist: @jasminedesu @elianetsantana @thefangirl54

     Growing up, you and your siblings had a deal: if any of you, for whatever reason, needed a day off from something, the others would make sure that it happened, no matter the situation. Miwa cashed in her “getaway” card a few times in high school, resulting in you begging Asahi to call her school and pretend he was the dad of the family (he had a relatively deep voice for a middle schooler), and this time it was your turn. You texted Miwa during class when Daichi thought you were finally replying to the GC. (you weren’t, and you refused to check the messages). Within the remaining 30 minutes of class, you see a teacher come into the doorway of the classroom, distracting your classmates. The man gestures to your teacher, interrupting his lecture. You’re already packing up your stuff because you know what’s happening. 

     “Miss Kageyama?”

     “Yes sir?”

     “You’re dismissed from school, we received a call from your sister.” You nod, and silently thank Miwa for being so dang quick with the follow-through. It was easier not to turn back to see the four pairs of eyes boring into you from your friends and instead head towards Tobio’s classroom, pulling him from school too, otherwise it would raise suspicion. Your brother raised his eyebrows but didn’t verbally question the event until off of school property.

     “What’s going on?”

     “I need a sibling getaway day,” you explain, “I’ll explain further but I need to leave school.” He nods, processing the information. You had never called for a “getaway card” before. Both he and Miwa had, but this is the first one you called. He knew something was wrong and his main feeling was grateful that you insisted he come with you. After dropping your bags off at home, you suggest going to a cafe that was a few blocks away. Tobio didn’t argue and let you lead. Along the way the setter messaged his captain and apologized, explaining that he wouldn’t be at practice.

     Even after arguing with your brother you both enjoy your dessert immensely. After each of you has eaten your fair share, he looks at you expectantly. The seats at the café are comfortable, which you’re grateful for because the situation is far from comfortable. Sighing, you knew this was coming. You promised to share what warranted your first ever getaway day, and it was time to own up to that. He was missing practice, for god’s sake, and this was a boy who was serious about his practice. But it was also a boy who was serious about his sisters, which is something you and Miwa were always grateful.

     “The background of this starts in middle school,” you start, and he gives you his full attention. “When Tooru and I were dating,” he cringes at this, wanting to forget you ever dated his senpai, but doesn’t interrupt, “His fan club was growing more and more every day. At first they didn’t mess with me because anytime I was near them, I was near Tooru and none of them wanted to seem ugly or rude in front of the person they admired.” The weight in your chest that had been haunting you since the movie night grew bigger as you continued your explanation. “For the most part at the beginning, they didn’t mess with me. When they found out that you were on the team, also a setter, Tooru’s fan club made a nasty accusation that I was only dating him because he was your senpai.” Tobio’s eyes widen, but he still stays silent. 

     “So they started calling me names, sending me nasty messages on social media, so on and so forth. At the beginning, it didn’t bother me too much. Later on, though, they started to say things like that you were only getting so much playing time because of my connection to Tooru, which of course was false because you’ve always been talented enough to stand on your own. But the words and insults started happening at my school. They made friends and connections with fellow students and I started getting bullied in my hallways. It was overwhelming.” You feel a sense of relief as you finally share this with your brother, and a sense of dread. You never wanted to drag him into this mess, but in a way, you’re protecting him with the knowledge rather than from it.

     “What really pushed me over the edge is when they assumed that it wasn’t getting to me and they started to threaten to go after you. That’s when I decided a break up needed to happen no matter what, so I went to talk to Tooru about it.”

     “Was that when you walked in the gym after he tried to punch me?” You take a deep breath, glad you didn’t have to be the one to voice that incident.

     “Yeah. I had already planned on breaking up with him, but that gave me a better reason to do so. I was actually a bit grateful when Iwa informed me of it. I told Tooru’s fan club that we had broken up and they had backed off.”

     “Wait, had?” This was the part you were really not wanting to explain, but you needed to. 

     “You picked up on the fact that I like Daichi,” you rush out, avoiding eye contact as you cheeks flush. Tobio takes a moment to process what you said, and he goes, nonchalantly,

     “Yeah, you’re not super secretive about that.” 

     “Thanks. Mei, Asahi, and Suga agree with you on that, and they planned a get together on Sunday at the mall with the five of us and completely bailed on Daichi and I for the sake of an ‘impromptu date’.” Tobio is following along still, not surprised there’s so much info to catch up on. You’ve never been one to share. In fact, this situation has taken longer than you had anticipated, your drink melting in the process. Customers have come and gone, but you and your younger brother have remained in your seats. You continue on with the story, nearing the end.

     “While it wasn’t an actual date, one of the fan club accounts saw us having fun and started sending me hateful messages about it. Pretty much saying the same things they said back then, that I’m only interested in Daichi because he’s your senpai, that I don’t actually have real feelings or anything, and the accusations hurt even though I know they aren’t true.” Tears start to well in your eyes and it’s obvious that it’s affected you more than you’ve ever let on. “I don’t want to deal with this again, and I don’t want anyone dragged into the mess, so I needed this day to process and accept that nothing’s going to happen between me and Daichi.” You say with such a finality that Tobio knows he can talk, although, he’s not sure how to share his thoughts kindly, so he does it how he always talks. Bluntly.

     “That’s unfair to Daichi, Y/N, and you know it.” You give him a quizzical look, thinking your brother would be on your side. He continues in his normal agitated voice, “This doesn’t just involve you. He has feelings for you too, and I’m sure he’d be hurt if he knew you weren’t going to pursue something, even though you really want to, solely because of the fact that you’re scared.” This sinks in for a moment.

     “You’re scared, Y/N, and that’s okay. Those fangirls were mean to you, are terrible to you, and I know it’s easier to run away, but since when are you someone who does something because it’s easy? Why are you trying to protect people without asking for their input?” He stares you down as he adds, “I appreciate you wanting to protect the people you care about. I’m so lucky that I fall into that category, but I’m not in middle school anymore. I’m not incapable of defending myself, and neither are your friends. If some Oikawa fan wants to say that I got where I am because of who you’ve dated, let them. We know the truth and that’s what matters.” Tobio may be the least emotionally intelligent one of your siblings, but it’s moments like this that remind you he is an expert in you and Miwa.

     After the emotional talk was over, you both switched back to topics like school and volleyball, with you promising to help him study, learning that Hinata isn’t doing so great either. You offer to do a study group for both of them together, and he agrees, saying he’ll bring it up to Hinata the next time he sees him. Eventually, it was time to go home and explain what happened to Miwa, not because she would pry, but because you were tired of keeping this from the people you loved. On the walk home, Tobio brings up one more thing.

     “Y/N?” 

     “Hm?”

     “I really think you and Daichi would make a good couple, but either way, he deserves the truth.” 

     You sighed, but you know it’s the truth.

Prev    Masterlist    Next

[arbenia]

The other day on the BBC news I saw a young, educated and eloquent Serbian woman speaking about the life of ordinary citizens under the NATO bombing. The Serbian citizens are afraid, she said. Normal life is more and more difficult. There are power cuts, and people are forced to go several days without access to the Internet. There is also a cigarette shortage. But yes, they are trying to live normally. They go to work, they shop, and they sit in cafes. Of course, the bombing turned the Serbian citizens against NATO, not against Slobodan Milosevic. After all, “bombs are dropping from the sky.”

Clearly, this young woman, like so many Serbs, does not want to understand that her country is at war. They still seem to be thinking, What has all this to do with me? I know this mechanism of denial, because I have seen it before. Serbs by and large ignored the wars in Croatia and Bosnia. It was always happening somewhere else, to somebody else, and they were not involved. It was the Serbian army, the police, the paramilitaries, but not them, the ordinary citizens. But now, when it is happening in Serbia and affecting all of them, they are still somehow surprised.

The young woman on TV used the expression “Serbian citizens,” but her use of this phrase suggested that these Serbian citizens are people struggling to maintain the normality of their daily lives. By “Serbian citizens” she evidently meant only Serbs. Others–that is, Albanians–are simply never mentioned in that context. Their problems are not addressed, by her or other Serbs. In the perception of ordinary Serbs, Albanians are not included in the category of Serbian citizen and therefore are absent from the language as well.

Why? The problem is that Serbs–or anyone else, for that matter–cannot identify with the suffering of others if they are not able to see them as equals. In Yugoslav society Albanians were never visible. There was no need to construct their “otherness”–as, for example, with Jews in prewar Germany or recently with Serbs in Croatia. The Albanians were never integrated into the country’s social, political and cultural life. They existed separately from us, barely visible people on the margins of our society, with their strange language that nobody understood, their tribal organization, blood feuds, different habits and dress. They were always underdogs. What was their place in the Yugoslav literature, in movies and popular culture? What famous Yugoslavs were Albanians? Because of that estrangement, not many voices were raised in protest during the past ten years, when Albanians in Kosovo lived practically under apartheid.

For the older generation, the only visible Albanians were people in white caps coming from Kosovo to their cities to cut wood in the winter. For my generation they were people selling ice cream all over Yugoslavia. They spoke our language with a funny accent and never could pronounce “lemonade” properly. They lived among us, but we chose to ignore them. If we did happen to notice them, we despised them, laughed at them, told jokes about them. I never had an Albanian friend in Zagreb. No one I knew married an Albanian. But the difference between Croats and Serbs was that Croats did not really have to deal with the Albanians; we had no Kosovo.

It was clear that they belonged to a different category from Serbs, Croats, Macedonians, Montenegrins or Slovenes. Serbs could even fight a war against Croats, but they never perceived each other in the same way they both perceive Albanians. The prejudice against Albanians can be compared to that against Jews or blacks or Gypsies in other cultures. Today every Serb will tell you that Albanians multiply like rabbits–that this is their secret weapon in the war they are waging against Serbs in Kosovo. This is not nationalism; this is more or less hidden racism.

The woman on the BBC the other day may be only an ordinary person, but there are other Serbs who should know better and who can’t use the excuse of innocence so easily. They are the people in the opposition. But all one hears from them is their lament about the destruction of democracy and civil society in Serbia. The NATO bombing is to them a savage attack, a terrible act of aggression against a sovereign state–they all use the language of Milosevic’s propaganda. There is “the other Serbia” they say, a better Serbia of the brave people who fought Milosevic all along.

Surely there is another Serbia that will surface once Milosevic is gone. And surely everyone can understand that opposition people are afraid now. One is tempted, however, to ask, Exactly what opposition, what civil society, what “other Serbia” are we talking about? The one that for more than a decade was not able to produce a democratic alternative to Milosevic? The one that never established contacts with Albanians from Kosovo in order to work together for the common future of both nations? If the opposition, political as well as intellectual, ever had anything in common with Milosevic, it was in its attitude toward Kosovo. Kosovo Albanians were a litmus test for the opposition all these years, and they always failed it. Now they are engulfed in self-pity.

An open letter from Vladimir Arsenijevic, a young Serbian writer of some renown, circulating on e-mail, is a striking example of this invisibility of Albanians. In his answer to a friend from Zagreb, who reproached Serbs for their lack of remorse over the situation of the Albanians, he wrote: “On account of lack of pity for the fate of Kosovo Albanians, I know (from my own experience–and I know that I have no bad feelings whatsoever directed toward anybody, least of all Albanians) that it is very hard to care about somebody else’s problems if you are personally experiencing major problems of your own at the same moment. There is no favoritism in this society. Everybody is too busy surviving here to be able to feel any remorse…. Remorse is a privilege of the well-nourished, clean and civilized. And we are all Albanians here. All of us: Serbs, Montenegrins, Hungarians, Slovaks…. Poor, underfed, degraded, oppressed. And I mean ALL of us, even those who have supported Milosevic with all their heart through all these years of terrible hell.”

There is something almost obscene in this sudden “visibility” of Albanians, in the Serbs’ desire to achieve the status of victim through this kind of identification. Albanians remain an abstraction, an empty notion with no real substance, used solely as a means of adding visibility to Serbian suffering, thus denying the Albanian identity once more. I can see this young writer sitting at his computer (there must have been no shortage of power then) in his Belgrade apartment: He sends his e-mail letter, checks the latest war information on the Internet and goes to bed. Meanwhile, his Albanian counterpart, with whose suffering he identifies so much, sits in a tent somewhere in Albania or stands in the mud, waiting to cross the Macedonian border. His house is burned down, his computer–if he ever had one–has been taken by Serbian paramilitaries and he doesn’t know where his family is.

If the young writer considers himself an Albanian, why is he not fleeing to Macedonia or Albania as well? How cynical–or young or innocent or perhaps stupid–do you have to be to say that? It is as grotesque as if the Germans, after World War II, had said, “We were all Jews.” After all, had they not suffered occupation, bombardment, rationing?

The writer means to say that if the Serbs are victims, then how can they possibly have anything to do with the responsibility for this war? Or for the Milosevic regime? War goes deeper than bombardment, and the more we pretend it doesn’t concern us, the more it invades us. War is destructive of the human soul. It corrodes human beings, bringing out things we didn’t know about ourselves. And when he says that remorse is a privilege of civilized people, he puts himself and his nation on the level of people without pity. He is justifying the inhumanity of his people, and that is terrible.

This is what the war is doing to the young writer. But like the woman on the BBC, as well as ordinary people and opposition intellectuals, he is not able to realize that. Precisely this denial, blindness, unconscious racism and cruelty toward other human beings, this lack of remorse (but no lack of self-pity!), is what war is doing to Serbs, and it is much more devastating than NATO bombs. Living with Milosevic’s regime and the war for so long takes its toll. It has changed Serbs in the past ten years, and the rest of the world is witnessing this only now, still puzzled and bewildered by it. It is hard to understand that our acquaintances, our lovers, drinking buddies, philosophers, our once dear friends, are different people. It is even harder to understand that they themselves let that change happen.

`(Slavenka Drakulic, a Croatian-born author, is a Nation contributing editor. Her latest book is A Guided Tour Through the Museum of Communism.)

[rpbetter]

a vent (feel free to ignore if it's too much!): so recently i've noticed psd makers getting anon asks on whether they're ok with people who write certain topics (mostly rpf, incest, rape, underage, the usual "problematic" topics) using their recourses. now, i don't roleplay any of these subjects on tumblr, so even if a content creator said not to use their stuff, it's not even something i need to worry about - but, and maybe this is me overthinking it, what if i, someday, write a noncon fanfic on ao3? i'm still not using their resources on the subject or writing it on tumblr, but i'd probably feel weird about it, like i'm crossing some boundary. what if a psd maker whose content i've already purchased suddenly goes "actually don't use my psds if you rp abusive relationships", which is probably the closest to what people consider "taboo themes" of the things that i roleplay. it just feels like a fine line between personal boundaries and a shitty situation for a customer - not wanting to cross boundaries but already having PAID for something previously, when no such rules existed. it's making me want to 1. block everyone i see saying this, because even though i don't personally roleplay the topics above, i don't feel SAFE around people who tell others what kind of fiction they are allowed to enjoy and 2. just quit using people's resources and spend years learning to make my own psds so i won't have to worry about this shit. it's just stressing me out, as someone who has been harrassed and bullied online for speaking against censorship. i've had literal sock accounts made just to spew targetted harrassment at me on twitter. i've been accused of being a pedo and supporting incest and this is??? literally for saying "i don't think real people should be harrassed for fictional shit", i've not even shipped underage or incest ships. both make me uncomfortable. but fuck, antis make me 1000000x more uncomfortable than people who ship these kinda ships. i digress, this got rambley, i just. do you have any advice on what to do with the potential psd situation, or am i really just overthinking it? (always worried i accidentally send stuff like this off anon. help)

I need you to know that I actually had to rush-scroll back up and just double check that you did submit on anon lol! I always get worried I'll miss the one person who accidentally didn't use anon, if it makes you feel any better! When someone does submit with their URL attached, I message them first to be sure they are okay with them having it posted that way/it wasn't an accident ;) That's what I would want someone to do!

Alright, so, anyhow...

I've also noticed that becoming a more common thing and it's been on my (maybe huge) list of things to look into for a bit because I really do try to make sure I'm not just noticing things in my areas of the RPC/failing to notice things that do not impact me. Since I do all my edits and graphics, it falls into the first category for me. So, thank you for moving that up the list and informing me that it really is more prevalent and not my imagination!

My take on seeing it was a combination of business logic and anxiety, not going to lie.

On the first: charging to do a psd that is just that, just a psd file being used as a template/to act as an easier version of a photoshop "action" in a way, that's 100% legal and fine. Absolutely no muddy waters there. However, charging to do things like icons, edits, etc. that include images of celebrities and stills from movies (or gifs) is quite muddy. Legally, it's not legal. It's a thing we're allowed to do and use (on most platforms) because we're not making money off of it, we're not claiming to hold rights to the images, and so on - it's ignored but illegal. Charging money for it, however, even when phrased as "for my time" (which, absolutely valid feeling), is a more serious form of illegal and potentially attention-getting. This all gets more iffy though when we add donation instead of direct commission/purchase when working with these copyrighted materials. You can ask people to donate and suggest a donation based on your time spent, and that is always what I advise people to do.

Okay, so, that preface is necessary because the thing about stipulating use-rights is that they're iffy, too, there are variables present.

Often, these same people are charging for things like icon packs as well, meaning that even if they're only charging you for a template-style psd file sans imagery they don't own, they've kind of shot themselves in the foot. Not to mention, it's exceedingly damn hypocritical to pitch a fit about someone violating your rights when you're literally using other people's copyrighted materials lmao And that does tend to occur to me, yeah, it's a consequence of attorney friends and running businesses.

The other issues with this are that usage rights have to be stated at the time of purchase and morality clause-style shit, as pertains to products, is not legally binding.

When you purchase something like a psd file, that purchase acts as a sort of contract.

Think of like...buying a photoshop brush set - the person selling it puts very simple rules as to its use, such as: non-commercial use only, brush pack cannot be resold or distributed for free, separate brushes from the pack cannot be resold or distributed for free individually. Meaning that you own the brushes you bought, but you are not legally allowed to make real-life money from anything you use them in, and you cannot send the whole pack or files individually to friends for free or charge other people for them. By buying these, you have agreed to these stipulations of use and ownership.

If the person sells psd's and you agree to what they've stated about the use (you can't use them to do commissions you make IRL money from, you can't give them away to friends, etc.), that's binding even somewhere as casual as RP Land. The exchange of real currency makes it that serious.

However, there are limits to stipulations of use! One of those things is when you agreed - this person cannot, even one literal second, later change their terms of use and retroactively hold you to them. If they were okay with you not crediting them anywhere or using them in works you will gift others or charge others something like game currency for at the time you purchased, then that's it. Tough shit for them, not you, when they decide a month later that they want credit given where the work appears, that they do not want finished products gifted, or don't want you to make even in-game currency from them.

And that absolutely would apply to the morality wank, yes.

Except that this very morality wank comes with its own issues. Reality is not tumblr. In reality, at least in most instances and countries, you can't throw in a fucking morality clause regarding the buyer, use of item, or finished product.

Think of this in this way: Chik-Fil-A starts denying chicken and waffle fries to anyone suspected of being queer. They're legally allowed to run their business (as a private business, everything does have variables) with some things that are morally objectionable that they feel morally aligns with their religious beliefs. They're not allowed to deny queer workers a job or queer customers service, however, in accordance with overarching laws.

While "being gross" online in fiction is not like, making anyone a protected status person lol this is just an extreme example to drive home the point. Legally, when it comes to items/products be they digital or physical, your rights and responsibilities as the seller don't include your moral policing.

What your right is, is to make people uncomfortable to a degree, yeah. You absolutely can do that. You can state some nasty shit about prospective buyers you don't want. For example, they should (I mean, they should just grow up and get some real concerns, but) be stating that they would not like to see their psd's used by people on this following DNI list of idiocy, and they will block those users if possible to prevent interaction and purchase. That's really it, that's what they can do and the least immature way to proceed.

On the second: none of this logic would make me feel comfortable about interacting with them and their psd's in the future once they had outed themselves as morally objectionable and dangerous to me with this nonsense. And I would still feel anxious about using things I had previously bought because once harassed...it doesn't really go away, does it? It would just give me some ease about the latter with things I'd already made. Like, I could keep using the icons I'd made with those psd's with a little bit more comfort knowing that they honestly have not a leg to stand on outside of their harassment.

I might have the tendency to respond to harassment without much upset, but that doesn't mean I want to be harassed. Especially when I am not doing anything that draws that kind of attention. Not that harassment is warranted over anything, but when I make a PSA or answer an ask that I know is likely to get their attention and piss them off? That's an acceptable risk I am knowingly taking. When I'm just going about my life as a RPer, it isn't.

So, I don't feel like you're overthinking it or being too concerned! In no way did you sign up for getting unwanted attention, and because it has happened before, of course, you're trying to insulate yourself from having it happen again. That's totally reasonable!

Now, what you could do about it...

It's another of those situations in which we're only truly capable of controlling ourselves. Everyone else is kind of a NPC.

You don't have to do anything I'm suggesting, but these are things I would do!

I would block the shit out of anyone saying these things/trying to make them stipulations, yes.

By that, I mean that I would also visit blogs they appear to interact with and they'd be blocked as well. We can all reblog something like resources or a shit post from a user we do not agree with without realizing it, but when it's frequent reblogs, direct support, and friendly vibes going on, it's safer to assume that they are aware their friend sucks. More importantly, that they do not think their friend sucks and support their views.

Even if that is not the case, do you want someone else's repeated inattention to expose you to bad actors? Nope! So, don't run the risk of paying and otherwise interacting with the one resource blog in the group that doesn't express these views/"requirements," but does involve themselves with those who do.

Try to find people selling these resources, that are not connected to the problem ones, who do not have those views. Once a trend starts, it is very hard to stop until it has run its course naturally, so, this might be difficult and take some extreme effort. You might want to consider asking like-minded friends who use psd's where they got them so you can check those users out for yourself.

If they're all the same, problem, people...

Look for users well outside of your corner of the RPC(s) who are not asking to be paid. I know it sounds wild, but there really are RPers out there who just enjoy making things for others! I can think of at least one right off on my dash. They might not be advertising for doing psd's or psd packs, but either they might be willing to do so (especially if they do not appear policing-positive) if you explain what is going on, or they could at least fill some requests for you for fully made icons and such. Hell, people who love doing this work usually know others who do as well, and anti-policing people quite reasonably stick together. They could have suggestions for someone not vile selling psd's.

Depending on what it is you want your psd's to do, I promise you that it wouldn't take you very long to learn it. I know...I know lol that's both really easy for me say when I've been doing it for over twenty years and am about to piss some people off. The latter because the most common settings on popular psd's are extremely simple shit, a lot of that is the kind of thing you're expressly told not to do in design work. Like ramping up extreme contrast, pixelating the fuck out of an image, and turning up the primary colors only. Once you get to playing with photoshop or an equivalent, you will totally see what I mean. You can accidentally make an icon look identical to something that is on trend in the RPC. If that was what you were going for? You've hit the mark, and it's just repetition and tweaking it here and there!

Once you start playing with it, too, it's actually pretty intuitive when it comes to the basic things like resizing, adjusting colors and contrast, and doing easy effects like blurs and sharpening. Frankly, playing with it is better than half the tutorials you'll find because they get unnecessarily complicated when all you want to do is crop your muse's face, overlay some color, and add a damn dotted border. Listen, like I said, I have a lot of experience...and I find many tutorials frustrating and overwhelming!

It is not just you, you're not dumb or anything. People get very comfortable with something and when they try to explain it to others, they use terms and methods that are more advanced or specific to them than they realize. That's all!

If you have friends who make their own things, ask them some very basic questions about what you want to do. They know you, so, they'll know better how to explain to you, specifically. Just keep it simple until you've had some time to experiment! Ask things like, "I want to take this image, resize it to be an icon, and add an orange tint to the image while sharpening only my muse's features...how would I do that? Easy mode?"

And! You don't even have to pay for photoshop or pirate it anymore! Photopea is as an exact copy as possible entirely located in your browser for free. It's all overwhelming at first, a real case of too many options and ways to do the same thing, but the only way it gets less overwhelming is just diving into it. Dive in, get a little frustrated, have some successes, make some awesome discoveries, it gets a bit addicting in short order. Then, the tutorials and tips are so much easier to figure out and expand on, too.

If you'd like, you can always send me a pm here and ask me. I'm happy to try to explain how to do things, zero judgment or impatience. Just an additional option if you both decide to try learning and would feel comfortable doing that. Zero judgment as well on not wanting to do either of those things!

Okay, this one is much harder than learning PS basics because it's honestly a bit terrifying...the way these people are, they're going to take issue with you no matter what you do, and in the end, if they notice you and feel like bothering you, they will. There's literally nothing you can do about it. All you can do is try to buffer yourself, stay away from them, and be aware that you are not the problem.

Like with the AO3 thing or writing what could be viewed as toxic relationships. You can never write or be interested in a single, solitary thing that they're on about (and accusing you of doing in real life when the burning Eye of Moron turns your direction), but to them, you supporting the right of other people to do so is just as bad as doing it yourself. To them, the toxic relationships not only would be problematic, they'd be problematic enough. Being uncomfortable with their policing and feeling unsafe because of it is, to them, a red flag of how problematic you are. Writing anything they've deemed objectionable (or reading or viewing it, for that matter) anywhere, doesn't have to be on this platform or RP-adjacent, doesn't have to actually utilize any of their materials, is enough.

They're absolutely including you in who shouldn't use their shit. That's part of the "logic" and methodology of policing. Everyone is problematic, so, everyone can be labeled a pedo and harassed without too many people getting up in arms about it. No one is safe, so, everyone better behave. You don't actually have to be engaging with or enjoying things like underage, non/dubcon, rape, abusive relationships, etc.

It's gross, it's bullying, it's actually a problem...and there isn't much you can do.

All that is truly up to you is making an effort to avoid them, though, this is very often unfair and likely to get more unfair as resource blogs of all sorts deal in it more. At least, in this case, you do have some small bit of actionable power - by not ever buying from them. They wouldn't be charging if they did not either need or want the money, not giving it to them is a bigger hit than things like simply unfollowing/blocking, reblogging PSA's, and so on is!

Nope, it isn't like you're denying them some extreme amount of money by yourself, but every three, five, ten dollars is felt pretty hard when you desperately need money and/or are saving for something.

I know, I mean, I personally do know, that it's impossible to "get over" bullying, Anon. I'm in no way telling you to just get over it and move on, find some great well of not caring somewhere! What I'm saying is that there is power in not giving them power. The power to make you anxious, uncomfortable, unsafe, when you have every right to be here doing your thing and are not hurting anyone. And it might seem to be a deeply contrary sort of logic, but realizing and accepting that there are people out there who irrationally dislike you for literally no reason, that you cannot infallibly escape or avoid, despite doing nothing wrong is a bit empowering. Because it puts into perspective the things you can control, and when we know what is in our control, it's easier to just enjoy our time here without constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. If it drops, we can go put it back in the closet where it belongs.

It starts to put a positive spin on the whole, damned if I do, damned if I don't feeling, if that makes sense? I'm probably way too tired to try to be explaining this lol I'm sorry!

Anyway, again, I'm not implying you can or should do any, let alone all, of those suggestions! I just really hope that something will help you feel even a little bit more at ease. It's an unfair situation, it isn't right, and you have every reason to be uncomfortable and stressed. If I could make it happen, you better believe that every policing asshole out there would be writing heartfelt apology letters and sending donations to everyone they've upset lol but...since I can't make that happen, all I can do is say what I, personally, do, would do, or have done.

[egotistixx]

Regulations ::

First of all, i would like you to check out Adrianna’s [ Identity ] page and read through at least her main verse [ Venomous Viper ]. Additionally, i’ve drawn a comic explaining in better detail the nature of her quirk, which can be found here. This explanation is actually is very well kept secret and your muse shouldn’t know about it. We can plot it out and maybe they could come to find out after a longer period of time, but otherwise please be mindful of this aspect.

This is a OC muse i adapted to the BNHA verse. I’m open to interact with canon muses, AUs and OCs with a BNHA verse. I will not rp with personal blogs, blogs without an About / Rules page, or blogs that do not cut their threads.

Activity will be low, but i will lurk around lots, will post art whenever i do it and will chat ooc with other people. I love plotting and headcanons, and i’m open to a lot of things.

I’ll be mostly mutuals, but don’t feel threatened. Just IM me or send an ask and i’ll probably follow you back and we can go from there. I won’t be able to give everyone the same amount of attention because i am a human being and my energy resources are so low, man.

There will be NSFW themes on this blog. Foul language, violent themes, triggers and sexual content, depending on what we plot out. I will not rp NSFW themes out of the blue, we need to talk those out before hand. And i will not rp NSFW themes with minors. I will try to tag everything appropriately so i won’t upset anyone.

HOWEVER! I will not rp sexual/suggestive NSFW on Adrianna’s UA Student verse [ Vestal Vengeance ]. this is not up for discussion, sorry not sorry. Other themes, such as violence/angst/gore need to be plotted out before engaging.

Speaking of NSFW themes, Adriana is complicated when it comes to shipping. She does not care much for labels, but if i were to put her in some box she’d probably fit into the pansexual / demisexual / demi-romantic category. Basically, while she is quite a sexual person on the outside, she doesn’t care a lot for sexual intimacy. and when it comes to romantic intimacy, she finds it very, very hard to recognize and express it. Whatever ship she might be in will be a slow burn and it will require quite a bit of chemistry.

This might be petty but i’m most comfortable with anime/cartoon FC. real life people are just weirding me out and kill my drive.

Shipping would be fun, but it needs to have the chemistry and it has to make sense.

Last but not least, all imagery of Adrianna belongs to me. I drew out all the icons and the art of her, unless stated otherwise. So please don’t use it for your own personal use.

[ts1989fanatic]

How Taylor Swift reset her image with Folklore

In her surprise quarantine album, Taylor Swift ignores the haters and embraces her crown as one of pop’s great storytellers.

By Constance Grady on July 24, 2020 3:50 pm

On Thursday at midnight, Taylor Swift dropped her surprise quarantine album, Folklore, with only 17 hours’ notice. It’s been greeted with rave critical reviews. The Guardian gave it five stars. “This one won’t require an album-length Ryan Adams remake to convince anyone that there’s songwriting there,” said Variety. Rolling Stone called it “headspinning,” “heart-smashing,” and Swift’s “greatest album — so far.”

The rapturous acclaim Folklore has amassed is a sign that the press is at last ready to make nice with Swift after years spent debating her pop culture villainy and/or victimhood. And it suggests that Swift, who declared in January’s Netflix documentary Miss Americana that she was done seeking public approval, has finally found it again.

Folklore announced itself as something different from the traditional Taylor Swift album before it ever arrived. Swift has the release hype cycle down to a science at this point: Her last album, 2019’s Lover, came after months of teases coded into her social media presence and a countdown clock ticking toward the official album announcement. In the months leading up to 2017’s Reputation, Swift’s team plastered her face on UPS trucks across the country. But Folklore — which Swift conceived and produced all while in quarantine as the Covid-19 pandemic forced lockdowns all over the world — made its way into the world less than 24 hours after Swift announced it. There were no Easter eggs embedded into Instagram posts, no national print ad campaigns.

Moreover, Folklore was not preceded by any singles, and contains no songs that sound like the classic Taylor Swift Top 40 hit. That’s a departure from Swift’s increasingly bifurcated album strategy. Her past few album releases have all been preceded by slick, radio-friendly pop tracks that sound as though they’ve been mathematically calibrated to play through the listener’s head on an endless loop. Singles like “Shake It Off” and “ME!” can become massive, ubiquitous earworms, and they show off Swift’s ability to craft an unsinkable pop hook, but they’re also simple, shallow, and often critically smeared.

Swift’s full albums, meanwhile, tend to contain songs richer and more contemplative than those early singles would suggest. And it’s those quieter songs — like “All Too Well” or last year’s “Cornelia Street” — that tend to become both critical and fan favorites, and to be cited as examples of what makes Swift one of pop’s great storytellers.

Folklore is an album full of Taylor Swift in “All Too Well” mode: intimate, lyrical, and vulnerable. None of its songs have that telltale Max Martin hard edge of precision pop engineering. Instead, they’re shaggy and rambling. They don’t drive themselves into your head. They steal their way in.

That subtle, gentle stealth is foundational to the way Swift is currently building her image. She doesn’t need to be the untouchable aspirational pop princess who is also your teenage best friend anymore. Right now, she’s a musical storyteller at the peak of her craft.

Taylor Swift has always struggled to combine intimacy with control. With Folklore, she succeeds in balancing the two.

In 2017, I took a deep dive into Taylor Swift’s star image from the early days of her fame onward. What I found is that the central tension that has defined her image, driving both its highs and its lows, is one between intimacy and control.

Swift is always building a sense of cozy best friendship with her fans — sending out care packages, having them over for cookies — but she is also obliged, as a major celebrity, to consider her image carefully, to calculate and craft the way she presents in public. When her calculation shows in public, as it seemed to during that Kanye West feud, the public reacts as though she’s betraying their trust. So many people seem unable to reconcile the sense of intimate friendship Swift encourages with the evidence of the control she brings to her career.

One of the ways this tension traditionally plays out with Swift is in the single-versus-album split in her songcraft. “Her music mixes an almost impersonal professionalism — it’s so rigorously crafted it sounds like it has been scientifically engineered in a hit factory — with confessions that are squirmingly intimate and true,” wrote Rolling Stone in 2008. Her mathematically exact pop hooks sound exquisitely controlled. Her confessional lyrics feel achingly intimate.

When the combination works, it’s what makes Taylor Swift great. But when it doesn’t, people start to feel like she’s lying to them. That’s part of why the press cycle of the Reputation era was so unfriendly to Swift.

With Folklore, Swift has found a way to make the split work again. She’s still a pop songsmith in control of her craft, and it would be both facile and insulting to say that Folklore is uncontrolled. But in moving away from radio-friendly Top 40 pop and toward the looser structures of indie pop, Swift is allowing the vulnerability and intimacy of her lyrics to take center stage. She’s drawn a veil over the rigorous control she brings to all of her work. For the first time in a long time, she’s making it look natural and easy.

Swift has also found a way to create intimacy with her audience without mining material directly from her own life. In Folklore, she plays with characters: She narrates “Betty” as a 17-year-old boy named James; in “The Last Great American Dynasty,” she tells the story of her house’s former owner in a tale that reflects only obliquely on Swift’s own time dating a Kennedy.

These songs still have the visceral emotional connection that Swift’s fans expect from her, but they no longer seem to be encouraging listeners to trawl through the details of Swift’s life to figure out who she’s subtweeting. The focus is on the storytelling rather than the gossip.

And that means the critical conversation about Swift’s work can shift away from outlining all her relationships — the petty feuds, the flings, the question of whether some of those flings were staged for publicity — and toward the craft. That shift is easier for the press to perform now that the infamous Kanye tape has been released in full, exonerating Swift in the scandal that briefly turned her into a pop culture villain. But a turn away from gossip seems to also be just what Swift wants for her image right now, and it’s a direction she’s been trending in for all of 2020, even before the tape became public.

There’s a scene at the beginning of Miss Americana that might double as a thesis statement for Swift’s career right now. It’s January 24, 2020, the day the Grammy nominations come out, and Swift is sitting tensely by her phone, waiting to hear how Reputation did. Then the news comes: It hasn’t earned a nod in any of the major categories.

For just a moment, Swift’s face falls. It looks as though her world has crumbled.

Then a look of steely reserve marches across her features. “It’s okay,” she says, like she’s trying to convince herself. “I’ll just make a better album.”

Folklore has critics ready and waiting to tell Swift she pulled it off.

[riverllama]

Making A Story In Record Time!

Pretty much what the title suggests, I’m going to be showing you the step by step of how I make a story.

First I’m looking through my bookmarks because I know I have helpful things in there.

I found this blog: https://www.bryndonovan.com/category/writing-inspiration-and-resources/ and looked through it to find articles I think will be helpful.

Character motivation: https://www.bryndonovan.com/2020/08/17/50-character-goals-with-character-motivation/

Character worksheet: https://www.bryndonovan.com/2019/11/21/an-easy-character-development-worksheet-plus-one-secret-to-making-readers-love-your-character/

Names: https://www.bryndonovan.com/2019/09/30/how-to-name-a-book-character/

Flashbacks: https://www.bryndonovan.com/2019/01/10/how-to-write-flashbacks-so-they-arent-clunky/

No more perfectionism: https://www.bryndonovan.com/2018/10/29/how-to-overcome-perfectionism-and-finish-your-draft/

Fight scene prompts: https://www.bryndonovan.com/2018/10/11/50-fight-scene-writing-prompts-and-ideas/

Annoying characters: https://www.bryndonovan.com/2017/03/31/argh-25-creative-writing-prompts-to-help-you-annoy-your-characters/

Embarrassing characters: https://www.bryndonovan.com/2017/02/21/cringe-25-creative-writing-prompts-to-help-you-embarrass-your-characters/

How to show a character is in love: https://www.bryndonovan.com/2017/03/20/three-great-ways-to-show-that-your-character-is-in-love/

Next, I’m going to look through writing prompts. I never take a single one, that either feels that it gives me too many or too little restraints, so instead I use multiple and find a way to interlock them.

Young adult writing prompts: https://www.bryndonovan.com/2018/12/28/50-young-adult-plot-ideas-and-writing-prompts/

“A college student desperate for tuition money secretly works at two different full-time summer internships at once, two city blocks away from one another.”

This is absolutely hilarious and I see a lot I could do with this.

“Two boys on rival basketball teams develop romantic feelings for one another.”

There are two reasons I chose this one. The first is that it’s gay. I’m gay, and I love writing gay stuff. The second is that according to my best friend I’m very good at writing romances, even though I kinda hate the genre, so this could work.

“A teenager is pressured to shoot a buck on his first deer hunt with an older relative, but he can’t bring himself to do it.”

I think that this could be really emotional and a sign of character development, which I love.

“A teen attempts to make his whole fractious extended family get along and have a nice Christmas for once in their lives.”

This is absolutely amazing. I watched a movie that gave me these sort of vibes, it’s on Amazon Prime, it’s called Lez Bomb (highly recommend it, by the way).

“A teen copes with both a hopeless crush on his best friend’s older sister and a younger girl’s crush on him.”

I’m starting to see a way I can tie these all together, but I’ll ignore that for now.

“A girl discovers a secret passageway in one of the office buildings she cleans at night, but nobody else seems to be able to access it.”

It just wouldn’t be a me story without a little mystery, of course.

“Two boys discover treasure in a local cave.”

So, now that we’re at the end here, I think it’s a good idea to tell you my ending story. Or, well, story idea. This is nowhere near done yet. I haven’t even started. I don’t have names yet, so I’ll simply give everyone a letter of the alphabet until I’m done.

A and B have been best friends their whole lives. B has two siblings, an older brother (C) and a younger sister (D). D has a crush on A. A is an only child. A’s family is not poor, but can’t exactly afford to send him to the school he wants to go to, so he works two full time internships, two city blocks away from each other. He’s also full time in college and is on the basketball team. He can’t tell anyone he’s doing all this, because they will be mad at him for overworking himself. A and B go to the same college, but C goes to the rival one. C is on the basketball team. Along the course of the story A and C start to develop feelings for each other. At one of A’s internships he drops something and goes to pick it up under a desk. He sees a trapped door on the floor under his boss(E)’s desk. He goes to open it but E calls his name and he picks up the paper and leaves. The next day he tries to open it, but is unable. Once A and C start dating, they sneak away to go have a picnic in a cave so no one sees them and come across a trapped door similar to the one A found under E’s desk. This one can open. The not shooting a buck, and Christmas things are subplots.

Now, I know my basics, but I don’t actually know my plot. For example, where do the trapped doors lead? Do they lead to each other? If so, why? Is there something magical about the cave? Does E know about the trapped doors? So, as you can see, a lot of questions here are unanswered. To fix this I’m going to look at more writing prompts, but this time horror, or fantasy. Let’s start with horror.

Horror writing prompts: https://www.bryndonovan.com/2016/09/19/50-spooky-writing-prompts-for-horror-thriller-ghost-and-mystery-stories/

“Frightening events in a small town lead its citizens to dig up the grave of a deceased inhabitant.”

I make no promises on using this yet, but I think it could be interesting.

“The television switches to another station of its own accord and plays footage of something horrible that happened long before the technology existed to record it.”

I like this one quite a bit, and I think that it could tie well with the one above it. Maybe the town had a horrible incident that happened long ago. Everyone knows about it, but no one talks about it?

“Weekend adventurers explore a cave and can’t find their way out again. Then they encounter something terrible…”

I was actually thinking about this one all on my own, maybe the original entrance A and C took to the cave closed up, so they had to go through the trapped door and see where it leads?

“Authorities go through the cluttered apartment of a deceased man who lived alone with no known friends or relatives for decades and find something disturbing.”

Maybe the trapped doors lead to the same place and someone lived there? No, I don’t like that.

Wait, actually. Maybe E was at the horrible event that happened? He could have caused it, which would explain why he has a trapped door under his desk. He takes the victim’s remaining lifespan and adds it onto his? Like if they would only have died from natural causes when they were 76 and he killed them when they were 32, he’d get 44 more years of life? But to do that he had to eat them? All the victims are in a cave that both the trapped doors lead to. The one in the cave leads there because that is where the horrible thing happened and he needed an easy way to dispose of the bodies, and the one in his office leads there because that is where he lives? I don’t know, this is just brainstorming. Once I’m done with this I’m going to post a more accurate synopsis of what the story could be. For now I’m going to look at fantasy prompts, because those will (hopefully) be less messed up than this.

Fantasy prompts: https://www.bryndonovan.com/2017/03/06/50-fantasy-plot-ideas-and-writing-prompts/

“Miners discover stone spheres with strange markings.”

A and C can see those in the cave? Maybe they’re keys to the trapped doors?

“His magical powers don’t work when he’s drunk.”

I don’t know if I’m going to involve magic in this story yet, but if I am I’m 100% making this a thing.

“The bite of a particular animal may kill you, or it may give you new powers.”

Maybe this is how the person got them?

Okay, I think I’ve got something. This story has vampires, werewolves, zombies, etc, etc. Nobody knows about them. E is a werewolf. He made a trapped door in the cave to another one so he could hide from the full moon and not kill anyone. One night he was running late and was transforming as he went to his hiding spot. He tried to make it to the trapped door, but one of his friends was throwing a party there. He tried to push through the people, but there were a lot and it took a long time. When he finally got there he realized he dropped his key in the crowd. He tried to find it but couldn’t. His friend distracted him and soon E was a full blown werewolf. His killing extinct kicked in and he killed everyone at the party. He ripped the trapped door off its hinges and started piling the bodies into his hiding spot. When he became human again he put the door back on, but didn’t even look for the key. He didn’t want to remember what he did. There are three trapped doors, one in the cave, one under his desk, and one in his house.

I’m going to write a better description of the story I’m going with soon, but until then enjoy my brainstorming process!

[iwanthermidnightz]

“Not a shot. Not a single chance. Not a snowball’s chance in hell.”

Taylor Swift — who, at 30, has reached a Zen state of cheerful realism — laughs as she leans into a pillow she’s placed over her crossed legs inside her suite at the Beverly Hilton Hotel, leaning further still into her infinitesimal odds of winning a Golden Globe, which will zero out when she heads down to the televised ball in a few hours.

Never mind whether or not the tune she co-wrote, “Beautiful Ghosts,” might actually have been worthy of a trophy for best original song (or shortlisted for an Oscar, which it was not). Since the Globe nominations were revealed, voters could hardly have been immune to how quickly the film it’s a part of, “Cats,” in which she also co-stars, became a whipping boy for jokes about costly Hollywood miscalculations and creative disasters. Not that you’ll hear Swift utter a discouraging word about it all. “I’m happy to be here, happy to be nominated, and I had a really great time working on that weird-ass movie,” she declares. “I’m not gonna retroactively decide that it wasn’t the best experience. I never would have met Andrew Lloyd Webber or gotten to see how he works, and now he’s my buddy. I got to work with the sickest dancers and performers. No complaints.”

If this leads you to believe that the pop superstar is in the business of sugarcoating things, consider her other new movie — a vastly more significant documentary that presents Swift not just sans digital fur but without a whole lot of the varnish of the celebrity-industrial complex. The Netflix-produced “Taylor Swift: Miss Americana” has a prestige slot as the Jan. 23 opening night gala premiere of the Sundance Film Festival before it reaches the world as a day-and-date theatrical release and potential streaming monster on Jan. 31.

The doc spends much of its opening act juxtaposing the joys of creation with the aggravations of global stardom — the grist of many a pop doc, if rendered in especially intimate detail — before taking a more provocative turn in its last reel to focus more tightly on how and why Swift became a political animal. It’s the story of an earnest young woman with a self-described “good girl” fixation working through her last remaining fears of being shamed as she comes to embrace her claws, and her causes.

Given that the film portrays how gradually, and sometimes reluctantly, Swift came to place herself into service as a social commentator, “Miss Americana” is a portrait of the birth of an activist. Director Lana Wilson sets the movie up so that it pivots on a couple of big letdowns for its subject. The first comes early in the film, and early in the morning, when Swift’s publicist calls to update her on how many of the top three Grammy categories her 2017 album “Reputation” is nominated for: zilch. She’s clearly bummed about the record’s brushoff by the awards’ nominating committee, as just about anyone who’d previously won album of the year twice would be, and determinedly tells her rep that she’s just going to make a better record.

But she suffers what feels like a more meaningful blow toward the end of the film. In the fall of 2018, Swift finally comes out of the closet politically to intervene on behalf of Democrats in a midterm election in her home state of Tennessee. As the Washington Post put it, this announcement “fell like a hammer across the Trump-worshipping subforums of the far-right Internet, where people had convinced themselves… that the world-famous pop star was a secret MAGA fan.” Donald Trump goes on camera to smirk that he now likes Swift’s music a little less. The singer is successful in enlisting tens of thousands of young people to register to vote, but her senatorial candidate of choice, Democrat Phil Bredesen, loses to Republican Marsha Blackburn, whom she’d called out as a flagrant enemy of feminism and gay rights.

“Definitely, that was a bigger disappointment for me,” Swift says, pitting the midterm snub against the Grammy snub. “I think what’s going on out in the world is bigger than who gets a prize at the party.”

It was not always thus for Swift — as the detractors who dragged her for staying quiet during the last presidential election eagerly pointed out. If you had to pick the most embarrassing or regrettable moment in “Miss Americana,” it might be the TV clip from “The Late Show With David Letterman” in which the host brings up politics and gets Swift to essentially advocate the “Shut up and sing” mantra. As the studio audience roars approval of her vow to stay apolitical, Letterman gives her what now looks like history’s most dated fist bump.

Thinking back on it, Swift is incredulous. “Every time I didn’t speak up about politics as a young person, I was applauded for it,” she says. “It was wild. I said, ‘I’m a 22-year-old girl — people don’t want to hear what I have to say about politics.’ And people would just be like, ‘Yeahhhhh!’”

At that point, Swift was already starting to record isolated pop tracks, taking baby steps that would soon turn into full strides away from her initial genre. But whether she had designs on switching lanes or not, the lesson of the Dixie Chicks’ forced exile after Natalie Maines’ comment against then-President George W. Bush had branded itself onto her brain at an earlier age, when she’d just planted her young-teen flag in Nashville and overheard a lot of the lamentations of older Music Row songwriters about how the Chicks had thrown it all away.

“I saw how one comment ended such a powerful reign, and it terrified me,” says Swift. “These days, with social media, people can be so mad about something one day and then forget what they were mad about a couple weeks later. That’s fake outrage. But what happened to the Dixie Chicks was real outrage. I registered it — that you’re always one comment away from being done being able to make music.”

Maybe the most transfixing scene in “Miss Americana” is one where Swift argues with her father and other members of her team about the statement she’s about to release coming out against Blackburn and — it’s clear from her references to White House opposition to the Equality Act — Donald Trump too. The comments were so spontaneous that Wilson wasn’t there to film the moment, but the director had asked people to turn on the camera if anything interesting transpired, and here it most certainly did.

“For 12 years, we’ve not got involved in politics or religion,” an unnamed associate says to Swift, suggesting that going down the road of standing against a president as well as Republican gubernatorial and Senate candidates could have the effect of halving her audience on tour. Her father chimes in: “I’ve read the entire [statement] and … right now, I’m terrified. I’m the guy that went out and bought armored cars.”

“I needed to get to a point where I was ready, able and willing to call out bullshit rather than just smiling my way through it.” TAYLOR SWIFT

But Swift is adamant about pressing the button to send a nearly internet-breaking Instagram post, saying that Blackburn has voted against reauthorizing the Violence Against Women Act as well as LGBTQ-friendly bills: “I can’t see another commercial [with] her disguising these policies behind the words ‘Tennessee Christian values.’ I live in Tennessee. I am Christian. That’s not what we stand for.” Pushing back tears, she laments not having come out against Trump two years earlier, “but I can’t change that. … I need to be on the right side of history. … Dad, I need you to forgive me for doing it, because I’m doing it.”

Says Swift now, “This was a situation where, from a humanity perspective, and from what my moral compass was telling me I needed to do, I knew I was right, and I really didn’t care about repercussions.” She understands why she faced such heated opposition in the room: “My dad is terrified of threats against my safety and my life, and he has to see how many stalkers we deal with on a daily basis, and know that this is his kid. It’s where he comes from.”

Swift was recently announced as the recipient of a Vanguard Award from GLAAD, and she name-checked the org in her basher-bashing single “You Need to Calm Down,” which was released as one of the teaser tracks for last fall’s more outwardly directed and socially conscious “Lover” album. Part of her politicization, she says, is feeling it would be hypocritical to hang out with her gay friends while leaving them to their own devices politically. In the film, she says, “I think it is so frilly and spineless of me to stand onstage and go ‘Happy Pride Month, you guys,’ and then not say this, when someone’s literally coming for their neck.”

A year and a half later, she elaborates: “To celebrate but not advocate felt wrong for me. Using my voice to try to advocate was the only choice to make. Because I’ve talked about equality and sung about it in songs like ‘Welcome to New York,’ but we are at a point where human rights are being violated. When you’re saying that certain people can be kicked out of a restaurant because of who they love or how they identify, and these are actual policies that certain politicians vocally stand behind, and they disguise them as family values, that is sinister. So, so dark.”

Her increasing alignment with the LGBTQ community wasn’t the only thing raising her consciousness to a breaking — i.e., speaking — point. So did the sexual assault trial in which judgment was rendered that she had been groped by a DJ in a backstage photo op (for financial restitution, Swift had asked for $1).

Her experience with the trial was crucial, she says, in finding herself “needing to speak up about beliefs I’d always had, because it felt like an opportunity to shed light on what those trials are like. I experienced it as a person with extreme privilege, so I can only imagine what it’s like when you don’t have that. And I think one theme that ended up emerging in the film is what happens when you are not just a people pleaser but someone who’s always been respectful of authority figures, doing what you were supposed to do, being polite at all costs. I still think it’s important to be polite, but not at all costs,” she says. “Not when you’re being pushed beyond your limits, and not when people are walking all over you. I needed to get to a point where I was ready, able and willing to call out bulls— rather than just smiling my way through it.”

That came into play when Kanye West stepped into her life and publicly shamed her a second time. In the video Kim Kardashian released in 2016, you can hear the people-pleasing Swift on the other end of the line sheepishly thanking him for letting her know about the “Me and Taylor might still have sex” line he plans to include about her in a song — only to regret it later when the eventual track also includes the claim “Why? I made that bitch famous.” The boast, of course, referred back to the moment when he interrupted her and stole her spotlight at the MTV VMAs six years earlier as she was in the middle of an acceptance speech. West’s is not a name that ever publicly escapes Swift’s lips, so it might be surprising to fans that these events are recapped in “Miss Americana,” although Swift says the filmic decisions were all up to the director, who explains that Swift’s reaction to the episode was important to include.

“With the 2009 VMAs, it surprised me that when she talked about how the whole crowd was booing, she thought that they were booing her, and how devastating that was,” says Wilson. “That was something I hadn’t thought about or heard before, and made it much more relatable and understandable to anyone.”

“I see the movie as looking at the flip side of being America’s sweetheart.” LANA WILSON, DIRECTOR OF “TAYLOR SWIFT: MISS AMERICANA”

Swift acknowledges how formative both incidents have been in her life, for ill and good. “As a teenager who had only been in country music, attending my very first pop awards show,” she says now, “somebody stood up and sent me the message: ‘You are not respected here. You shouldn’t be here on this stage.’ That message was received, and it burrowed into my psyche more than anyone knew. … That can push you one of two ways: I could have just curled up and decided I’m never going to one of those events ever again, or it could make me work harder than anyone expects me to, and try things no one expected, and crave that respect — and hopefully one day get it.

“But then when that person who sparked all of those feelings comes back into your life, as he did in 2015, and I felt like I finally got that respect (from West), but then soon realized that for him it was about him creating some revisionist history where he was right all along, and it was correct, right and decent for him to get up and do that to a teenage girl…” She sighs. “I understand why Lana put it in.”

Adds the woman who started her recent “Lover” album with a West-allusive romp that’s pointedly called “I Forgot That You Existed”: “I don’t think too hard about this stuff now.”

What’s not in the film is any mention of her other most famous nemeses — Scooter Braun and Scott Borchetta of Big Machine Records, with whom she’s scrapped publicly for several months. “The Big Machine stuff happened pretty late in our process,” says Wilson. “We weren’t that far from picture lock. But there’s also not much to say that isn’t publicly known. I feel like Taylor’s put the story out there in her own words already, and it’s been widely covered. I was interested in telling the story that hadn’t been told before, that would be surprising and emotionally powerful to audiences whether they were music industry people or not.”

Still, the way Swift has been willing to stand up politically for others parallels the manner in which she stood up for herself in regard to Braun, et al., at the recent Billboard Women in Music Awards, where she gave an altogether blistering speech, naming names and taking no prisoners, going after the men who now control her six-album Big Machine back catalog. Certainly Swift was aware that, along with supporters, there were many friends and business associates of Braun among the VIPs in the Hollywood Palladium who would not be pleased with what this very reformed people-pleaser had to say.

One thing everyone who was in the room agrees on is that you could hear a pin drop as Swift used the speech to get even bolder about the meat of these disputes. Some would say it’s because they were riveted by her boldness in speaking truth to power, others because they just felt uncomfortable. Says one fellow honoree who works in a high position in the industry (and who’s worked with some high-profile Braun clients): “People were excited for her at the beginning of the speech. But once she started going in a negative direction at an event that is supposed to be celebrating accomplishments and rah-rah for women, I felt it fell flat with a good portion of the room, because it wasn’t the appropriate place to be saying it.”

Wasn’t it intimidating for Swift, knowing she might be polarizing an auditorium full of the most powerful people in the business? “Well, I do sleep well at night knowing that I’m right,” she responds, “and knowing that in 10 years it will have been a good thing that I spoke about artists’ rights to their art, and that we bring up conversations like: Should record deals maybe be for a shorter term, or how are we really helping artists if we’re not giving them the first right of refusal to purchase their work if they want to?”

“Obviously, anytime you’re standing up against or for anything, you’re never going to receive unanimous praise. But that’s what forces you to be brave. And that’s what’s different about the way I live my life now.” (Braun’s camp did not respond to a request for comment.)

One thing Taylor Swift can’t bend to her determined will is her family’s health. She revealed a few years ago that her mother, Andrea, a beloved figure among the thousands of fans who’ve met her at road shows, is battling breast cancer. Swift addressed the uncertainty of that struggle in an anguished song on her latest album, “Soon You’ll Get Better.” Many who view “Miss Americana” will look for signs of how her mom is doing. The subject comes up in a section of the film that includes a relatively light-hearted scene in in which it’s shown that one of Andrea Swift’s ways of saying “eff you” to cancer recently was to break the mold and bring a canine — her “cancer dog” — into a famously feline-friendly family.

The real answer may come in Swift’s touring activity for “Lover.” Whereas typically she’d spend nine months in the year after an album release on the road, she plans to limit herself to four stadium dates in America this summer and a trip around the festival circuit in Europe. This may not be 100% for personal reasons: “I wanted to be able to perform in places that I hadn’t performed in as much, and to do things I hadn’t done before, like Glastonbury,” she says. “I feel like I haven’t done festivals, really, since early in my career — they’re fun and bring people together in a really cool way. But I also wanted to be able to work as much as I can handle right now, with everything that’s going on at home. And I wanted to figure out a way that I could do both those things.”

Is being able to be there for her mother the main concern? “Yeah, that’s it. That’s the reason,” she says. “I mean, we don’t know what is going to happen. We don’t know what treatment we’re going to choose. It just was the decision to make at the time, for right now, for what’s going on.”

In her case, it’s as if her manager had taken seriously ill as well as the person she’s always been closest to, all at once. “Everyone loves their mom; everyone’s got an important mom,” she allows. “But for me, she’s really the guiding force. Almost every decision I make, I talk to her about it first. So obviously it was a really big deal to ever speak about her illness.” During filming, when Andrea’s breast cancer had returned for a second time, “she was going through chemo, and that’s a hard enough thing for a person to go through.” Then it got harder. Speaking about this latest development publicly for the first time, Swift quietly reveals: “While she was going through treatment, they found a brain tumor. And the symptoms of what a person goes through when they have a brain tumor is nothing like what we’ve ever been through with her cancer before. So it’s just been a really hard time for us as a family.”

Compared with that, nearly any other topic the movie might address would pale. But it finds weightiness in addressing other kinds of unhealthiness, like the physical expectations that are placed on women in general and celebrity women specifically, Swift being no exception. In this department, she has her own heroines. “I love people like Jameela Jamil, because he way she speaks about body image, it’s almost like she speaks in a hook. Women are held to such a ridiculous standard of beauty, and we’re seeing so much on social media that makes us feel like we are less than, or we’re not what we should be, that you kind of need a mantra to repeat in your head when you start to have unhealthy thoughts. I swear the way Jameela speaks is like lyrics — it gets stuck in my head and it calms me down.”

Swift’s collaborator in this messaging, Wilson, was on a list of potential directors Netflix gave her when she expressed interest in possibly doing a documentary to follow the concert special that premiered on the service just over a year ago. You could discern a feminist message, if you chose to, in the fact that Swift chose a director most well known for a documentary about abortion providers, “After Tiller.” Swift says she was most impressed, though, that Wilson’s docs look for nuance and subtlety in addressing subjects that do lend themselves to soapboxes, and their first conversation was about their mutual desire to avoid “propaganda” in any form.

If there’s a feminist agenda in “Miss Americana,” Wilson and Swift wanted it to emerge naturally, although the director admits it was pretty blatant from the outset, given that she set up the film (which is co-produced by Morgan Neville, the director’s “sounding board”) with an all-female crew. Or nearly all-female, says Wilson, laughing, “I will say that we did always have male production assistants, because I like trying to show people that men can fetch coffee for women.”

Adds Wilson, “When I started filming, it was before she’d come out politically. She knew that she was coming out of a very dark period, and wanted collaborate on something that captured what she was going through and that was really raw and honest and emotionally intimate.” The political awakening, the director says, “was a profound decision for her to make. In that, I saw this feminist coming of age story that I personally connected with, and that I really think women and girls around the world will see themselves in.”

“The bigger your career gets, the more you struggle with the idea that a lot of people see you the same way they see an iPhone or a Starbucks.” TAYLOR SWIFT

The film borrows its title from a song on the “Lover” album, “Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince,” that’s maybe the one fully allegorical song Swift has ever released — and, in its fashion, is a great protest song. The entire lyric is a metaphor for how Swift grew up as an unblinking patriot and has had to reluctantly leave behind her naiveté in the age of Trump. Her partner on that track, as well as other message songs like “You Need to Calm Down” and “The Man,” was a co-writer and co-producer new to her stable of collaborators this time around, Joel Little.

With the song “Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince,” although the lyrics are cloaked in metaphor, “We like to think it was a very clear statement,” Little says. “There are lots of little hidden messages within that song that are all pointing toward the way that she thinks and feels about politics and the United States. I love that it uses a lot of classic Taylor Swift imagery, in terms of the songwriting topics of high school and cheerleaders, as a clever nod to what she’s done in the past, but tied in with a heavy political message.”

“Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince” doesn’t actually appear in the documentary, but the director says the film’s title is understood by fans as an obvious reference to political themes in the number. “Even if you don’t know the song,” Wilson says, “I see the movie as looking at the flip side of being America’s sweetheart, so I like how the title evokes that too.”

The doc doesn’t lack for its own protest songs though. In the wake of her midterm disappointment, Swift is seen writing an anthem for millennials who might have come away disillusioned with the political process. That previously unheard song, “Only the Young,” is seen being demo-ed before it plays in full over the end credits; it’ll be released as a digital single in conjunction with the doc. Key lyric: ““You did all that you could do / The game was rigged, the ref got tricked/ The wrong ones think they’re right / We were outnumbered — this time.”

“One thing I think is amazing about her,” says Wilson, “is that she goes to the studio and to songwriting as a place to process what she’s going through. I loved how, when she got the Grammy news (about “Reputation”), this isn’t someone who’s going to feel sorry for herself or say ‘That wasn’t right.’ She’s like, ‘Okay, I’m going to work even harder.’ You see her strength of character in that moment when she gets that news. And then with the election results, I loved how she channeled so many of her thoughts and feelings into ‘Only the Young.’ It was a great way to kind of show how stuff that happens in her life goes directly into the songs; you get to witness that in both cases.

So is the film aimed at satisfying the fan base or teasing the unconvinced hordes who might dial it up as a free stream? “I think it’s a little bit of both,” Swift says. “I chose Netflix because it’s a very vast, accessible medium to people who are just like, ‘Hey, what’s this? I’m bored.’ I love that, because I do so many things that cater specifically to fans that like my music, I think it’s important to put yourself out there to people who don’t care at all about you.”

In the wake of the last round of Kanye-gate, stung by the backlash of those who took his side, Swift took a three-year break from interviews. The mantra of her 2017 album “Reputation” and subsequent tour was “No explanations.” But her Beyoncé-style press blackout was a passing phase. With “Lover” and now, especially, the documentary, she could hardly be more about the explanations. Although this interview is the only one she currently plans to do about the documentary, it’s clear that she’s come back into a season of openness, and that she considers it her natural habitat.

“I really like the whole discussion around music. And during ‘Reputation,’ it never felt like it was ever going to be about music, no matter what I said or did,” she says. “I approach albums differently, in how I want to show them to the world or what I feel comfortable with at that time in my life.” Being more transparent “feels great with this album. I really feel like I could just keep making stuff — it’s that vibe right now. I don’t think I’ve ever written this much. That’s exhibited in ‘Lover’ having the most songs that I’ve ever had on an album” (18, to be exact). “But even after I made the album, I kept writing and going in the studio. That’s a new thing I’ve experienced this time around. That openness kind of feels like you finally got the lid off a jar you’ve been working at for years.”

Cipher-dom never could have stood for long for someone who’s established herself as one of the most accomplished confessional singer-songwriters in pop history. “I don’t really operate very well as an enigma,” she says. “It’s not fulfilling to me. It works really well in a lot of pop careers, but I think that it makes me feel completely unable to do what I had gotten in this to do, which is to communicate to people. I live for the feeling of standing on a stage and saying, ‘I feel this way,’ and the crowd responding with ‘We do too!’ And me being like, ‘Really?’ And they’re like, ‘Yes!’”

Swift believes talking things up again isn’t a form of giving in to narcissism — it’s a way of warding off commodification.

“The bigger your career gets, the more you struggle with the idea that a lot of people see you the same way they see an iPhone or a Starbucks,” she muses. “They’ve been inundated with your name in the media, and you become a brand. That’s inevitable for me, but I do think that it’s really necessary to feel like I can still communicate with people. And as a songwriter, it’s really important to still feel human and process things in a human way. The through line of all that is humanity, and reaching out and talking to people and having them see things that aren’t cute.

[frenchibi]

hey, so i thought maybe you could tell us a little what you're currently interested in? ♥ like, what have you been doing during quarantine, are there any new shows you watched that you enjoyed a lot, did you maybe take up a new hobby or something? :)

Hello!! I did not forget this lovely message, I was just in no state to answer (who’d have thought that recovery from surgery is, y’know, taxing) BUT I’M BACK NOW and ohhhh do you know what you’ve unlocked by asking me this question...?? I cannot give you a comprehensive list but I can tell you a couple of the things that I got into during quarantine, and the things I am currently super passionate about! My memory is, uh, not great but thankfully I do journal and write down things so I am confident I can answer this for you :D (plus I do always love recommending things so - aaa??? Thank you for this ask????)

Putting things under a cut because I physically cannot chill but if tl;dr I want you to take away one thing from this it’s that everyone should read Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir. Thoughts below.

(Also. I would love to go off about my interests more on here but am not sure what... shape that should ideally take? Text posts? IDK pls give me suggestions, help me out?? dfhasjkldf)

Movies

I have not seen many, but I can and will scream about The Old Guard over and over because... it was everything I never knew I needed in an action movie?? I don’t reblog many things about it anymore but I love love LOVED it!!

Also, upon recommendation by one of my friends from India, I have been delving into the world of Bollywood movies and WOW Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara was so fucking good??? idk if it’s on Netflix in every country but it is in mine and I highly recommend it. It’s thoughtful, honest, emotional and shot absolutely gorgeously, and it also has that cheesiness that is just... so good... sometimes you just need the cheese y’know???

(Side note, 2020 was the year I saw Pride and Prejudice (2005) for the first time and I am a changed woman. It is now my ultimate comfort movie. Please see it if you have not, I cannot believe it took me this long. I saw it for the first time on an airplane (in january... a lifetime ago) and have seen it many, many times since.)

TV Shows

So, to everyone’s shock but especially my own, I have not really been into TV lately? I watched The Boys because my brother recommended it (it’s good, but gorey and pulls no punches, the R rating is deserved), and recently started watching Jujutsu Kaisen because my sister recommended it (I haven’t watched a new anime in like a year which is kinda wild to me? But I am enjoying this one - the opening SLAPS and what I’ve seen so far has been fun! Plus I’m watching it with my sister and I like sending her reactions xD),,, and that’s pretty much it for this category?? I am aware there is a LOT of good shit out there I just.. .don’t seem to have the attention span for multiple episodes of a Thing these days. Meh. I’m sure it’ll come back to me eventually ^^

Musical Theater

One of the main reasons I think I haven’t been big into TV is because my Musical Passion is in FULL SWING (haha get it). Probably because the only thing that has remained for me during this quarantine is my singing lessons (and lemme tell you... over skype, that shit is ROUGH but still better than not singing at all) and I have been obsessing over learning new songs and finding shows through recommendations and compilation videos on youtube... So.

Shows I listen to a lot these days include Starry, Anastasia, The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals, Come From Away (I made a post recently specifically about musicals, you should be able to find it under #French speaks) - specific songs in my range that I am currently learning and obsessing over include “Bring on the men” from Jekyll and Hyde, “The Mad Hatter” from Wonderland, “Show Yourself” from Frozen 2 (I liked it ok I DID), and “Go Tonight” from The Mad Ones (this one makes me cry... I’m making my sister duet it with me bc I can’t stop thinking about it).

Also, if you’re interested in hearing me sing things, head over to my instagram where I post covers (and also art)!!

(Musical people, I am curious to hear opinions about Great Comet, and also The Count of Monte Cristo - two shows I’ve been meaning to check out!)

Video Games

Listen. Animal Crossing New Horizons is awesome and I’m glad I have it (...give me Brewster back, Nintendo, or I WILL RIOT), but I have been branching out into other games for the Switch (might as well make this purchase worth it amirite) - current faves include Celeste (which is SO HARD but also SO FUCKING FUN) and Spiritfarer which I specifically bought to play at the hospital bc I knew I was going to be there for a few days, and let me tell you - best decision of 2020. Please watch the trailer if you haven’t heard of it, it’s GORGEOUS and beautiful and emotional and I loved every second of it. Both of these can also be purchased for PC and I think they are definitely worth the investment!!

In other news I’m back on my Stardew Valley bullshit. It’s just so calming.I revisit it a lot lmao

Books

So... I have been reading. A LOT. I read over 70 books this year, which for me is... average tbh? I have had some less productive reading months but overall I have torn through stuff and BOY do I have recommendations if you want them?? For the sake of brevity I will only mention a few here:

Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir “Lesbian necromancers explore a haunted gothic palace in space”. That is all. This was my first five star fiction book of the year and I will never be done screaming about it. There is a dedicated but smallish fandom here on tumblr and it deserves SO MUCH MORE. Please, please please. Everyone should read this damn book. It’s confusing in the beginning but I promise it’s worth it IT’S SO GOOD!! And also the sequel is out and it’s also confusing and SO GOOD!!!

Educated by Tara Westover. This is an autobiography and it’s one of those books that like. Stick in your mind for months after you’ve read it. It’s about how this woman escaped an abusive household that was religiously oppressive and also like... survivalist (prepping for the apocalypse) and avidly believed in conspiracy theories - by educating herself, working her way up to going to Harvard. Nothing I say could do the emotional impact of this book justice - and also just, the perspective this book gave me?? Incredible. Education is the most powerful tool and this woman grabbed it by the hair and did not let go and I was FLOORED. Everyone should read this. I don’t even usually read biographies but DAMN.

The Winternight trilogy by Katherine Arden.(Book 1 is called The Bear and the Nightingale). This is a bit of a slow burn type deal - it’s a retelling of a Russian fairy tale (I think?? Or like a folk... story? Something like that) and it is just. So magical. It’s not fast paced but it works up to FANTASTIC moments, the focus is on family and magic and change and “making your own way” and all three of these books were wonderful. It reminded me of Naomi Novic’s Uprooted and Spinning Silver (both of which I also loved back in 2019 and would highly recommend) and they are PERFECT winter reads if you’re looking for something to get cozy with. I liked book 1 well enough but books 2 and 3 knocked it out of the park. Fantastic. Loved them.

I have many more recs but this will do for now hahah

Music

Gonna keep this brief too - my music taste is all over the place, but here are some songs I have been obsessed with recently!! Beware of genre whiplash though because these are Very Different from one another (and different from the musical theater stuff above)

Factories - Autoheart (that bridge gets me every time, idk why. This is one I could have on repeat for hours and not get tired of it either. Something about it just gets me!!)

History Read - The Altogether (The lyrics!! Tbh the entire Silo album is GREAT, but this one is my fave. Their music is so... mellow, in the best way??)

Weather Man - Valley of Wolves (ok this one is just a banger. I’m a sucker for a good sing-along-able hook (that’s not a word. you get me though right) and this fucking DELIVERS. I also just think “I make these dark skies blue, I make these mountains move, let the rain come down, I’m pushing through.... [pause] ... ‘cause I’m the weather man” is such good execution of a concept?? That PAUSE GETS ME it’s just SO FUN?!?! idk man I like a good upbeat banger and this is that.)

I believe (get over yourself) - Nico Vega (this one is just a callout at myself tbh?? “you’re a fool” I AM and I needed to hear it?? It’s also SO FUN to sing!!! We love a banger.)

Kiss me you animal - Burn the Ballroom (mentioning this mainly because it reminded me, lyrically, of Gideon the Ninth and I need someone to confirm this for me before I go insane?? “everybody knows that home is where your teeth sink, love” - I mean c’mon??? Also it’s a banger. I do like some rock from time to time... and this also has a killer driving bassline. This is super fun to drive to, too!!)

((If we have overlap and anyone wants to exchange playlists with me - I am SO here for it. Always looking for new music!!! I mean it!!))

Youtube

Last and certainly not least... meet my newest hyperfixation!!! I have always loved watching video essays, and booktube videos, and arttube videos - and my current niche of favorite creators is the Polygon video team!! They made videos about video games and board games and anything gaming-related and I just. I’m only peripherally a “gamer(TM)” but I love anything and everything they create. (Also you don’t have to know much about video games to enjoy all of their content!! A lot of it is still accessible to Non-Gamers(TM) or casual gamers!) BDG is my new favorite creator, the Unraveled series he does on the channel is a work of genius - but I have also started watching their streams and older series and I am enjoying myself SO MUCH! I love boardgames so their series on them, Overboard, is so fun and entertaining (and I already know a bunch of games I want to buy based on seeing the gameplay), and it also made me invested in the other creators - particularly Simone, I would die for Simone?? And Pat? And Jenna? They each have their niche and they work really well together too and their videos are my Main Serotonin Machine in these trying times(TM), thank you for coming to my TED talk.

Also. If you’re already following me here and you are familiar with Polygon things I BEG YOU TO COME AND TALK TO ME ABOUT THEM because I am like, bursting, but I also don’t want to flood my dash with stuff that 99% of my followers are unfamiliar with y’know??

...I think I’m going to leave it at this - it’s already a lot!

But thank you once again for asking and for letting me Go Off about things I am interested in!! I just... I very often wish I could do this more, but I’m not sure how to go about it? Should I just do text posts about things?? Would that be interesting to anyone?? Or is that like, annoying? Should I start a review blog or something? dhfajkldhf I just want to talk about things that excite me, but whenever I’m here I often just stick to reblogging other people’s stuff... help?? What do y’all want to see??

[jamesbuchananxsteviegrant]

Make It Stop | Bucky x Steve x Reader (Angst, Fluff)

Category: Angst, Fluff (Suggested) Age: 16+ Trigger Warnings: Physical abuse (past relationship), harassment, stalking, physical violence Ship: Bucky x Steve x Reader, Platonic!Tony x Reader Summary: Reader’s Abusive Ex Comes Back To Haunt Her Request: “Idea!! So reader works for shield and is dating steve & bucky and is just an absolute sweetheart that everyone on the team adores. One day she starts getting messages from her ex and clams up— she ends up having to tell her boys that she was in an abusive relationship before them and tony getting her the job at shield kinda saved her ass from that life. So she blocks her ex but then he shows up at the tower and some protective!stucky ensues” Contains Spoilers for: N/A Word Count: 3,967

---

[13:42] Unknown Number: Hello, darling. Long time no speak.

Everything around the woman fades out as she reads over the text on her phone screen. There’s no way it’s him, right? But deep down she knows it is. She knows. Because no-one, no-one, calls her darling. Nobody except him.

But, why? Why now? Why is he messaging her.

[13:44] Unknown Number: I was thinking about how much I missed you and realised that I need you back

She gulps. She gulps because she knows what he means. Whenever he wants- needs something, he will stop at nothing to get it. The thought terrifies her.

[13:45] Unknown Number: So, dinner tomorrow? On me? That Italian place you love on third?

A shiver shakes her body to the core. Her body is trembling at this point. No way. There’s no way.

[13:47] Unknown Number: Don’t ignore me, you know my only flaw is my patience

Only flaw… The thing about working for SHIELD is that they know everything about the woman’s physical body. All her medical information. They have stored every single time she was taken to hospital because of accidents.

(Y/N)’s life dream was to work with SHIELD and she knew they would run background checks, so anytime she knew she’d have to go to the hospital for the battering that he left on her body, she moved to locations and rang the ambulance for a better story. The side of a road with no CCTV footage - hit and run. Outside a bar - drunken antics. Near the minimal farms nearby - animals. All these excuses because SHIELD couldn’t find out about him.

So, when Tony Stark saw her fighting techniques for the first time, he was swept off of his feet the same way he was when he first met Natasha. Pepper could only laugh and assure him that she was too young and way out of his league. He became like a father to her from that point on and she has the honour of being an Avenger.

[13:51] Unknown Number: Meet me outside at 7

He stops texting her after. She can’t tell anyone at SHIELD because they’d kill him. That’s how much she means to the team. Clint is like her brother, and Natasha like her sister - they’re such a kickass trio on the battlefield. Tony, as mentioned, is more or less her father - given her own died in an assassination and the Avengers were too late to stop. He feels like he owes it to her. To be there for her because he couldn’t save her own father. Pepper is like her mother in that sense too.

The rest of them, bar the two super soldiers, are all her best friends. (Y/N) never fails to bring happiness, enthusiasm, optimism and support to the team and they adore her for it. They’ve all definitely concluded that she’s the best thing that happened to them. They’d be so lost without her. Wanda and Bucky confirm that fact especially - she helped them when they were having the most self-destructive thoughts about the actions they’d done. She assured them it wasn’t their fault with words that they managed to truly believe. They’ll never be able to repay the debt for that. Not that (Y/N) expects them to.

Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes are the woman’s two boyfriends. She remembers when she first fell for both of them. It was literally both at the same time, she knew she was fucked. She entered the common room to meet all the team and when her eyes locked with the two pairs of gorgeous, ocean blue, looking at her with just as much surprise and adoration, she knew she was a goner.

(Y/N) later learnt that Steve and Bucky were already in a relationship, and despite the fight she was selfishly heartbroken, she was also extremely happy for the couple and showed them her support constantly. It truly made their hearts swell. Until the night of Tony’s New Year’s Eve party. Her first ever one.

*** Flashback ***

She caught eye of The Winter Soldier across the room, leaning against the bar, looking absolutely dashing in his suit, and she couldn’t help but lick her lips, followed by her biting her lower one. Bucky saw it and he mirrored the action himself as he eyed up her curves. The way the red dress clung to her body. They met each others gaze and they were silently questioning one another. Until Bucky gains the confidence to gesture toward the balcony with his head, watching her immediately nod and sit her empty glass of champagne down on the table beside her.

She gets there first and turns around, watching him stride through the crowd, eyes only locking with hers, not caring about anyone else. She has no idea what he wants her out here for. Her head is running around with wild ideas but she knows none of them are true. Well, she thought she did until he didn’t stop until his hands were on her hips and his lips were on her own, tongue instantly invading her mouth. She moans. Hands reaching up to grasp at his blazer, pulling him impossibly closer.

They lost all patience and they forgot where they were, Bucky reaching his hands down to her thighs, lifting her up and feeling her legs wrap around his waist, dress hoisted up around her own. Her back hits the wall beside the door and their lips are still yet to part.

Meanwhile, Steve had come back from the bathroom and eyes the room with furrowed brows as Bucky is no longer where he said he’d wait.

“He’s on the balcony with (Y/N).” Sam’s voice catches his attention. “Nat and I made a bet with Clint about what they’re doing.”

The way he wiggles his brows makes Steve smirk.

“I want in on this bet.” The blond mutters, turning to his friend.

“Yeah? What’re you betting?” Nat asks, approaching the duo.

“That he’s starting without me.” The Cap winks at the woman and strides toward the balcony, leaving an amused Natasha and Sam behind. “You know there’s almost a thousand people on the other side of that wall.”

The voice doesn’t stop Bucky and (Y/N) from their heated make-out session in the slightest, only makes the woman moan before reluctantly pulling back and looking at the man.

“Makes it all the more exciting, Stevie.” She grins, assuming that her encounter with Bucky wasn’t going to hurt him since Buck didn’t stop.

“Can’t argue with that, sweetheart.” The man takes a step forward to kiss his brunet lover, only pulling back when her hears (Y/N) mewl and ogle the sight. “You alright, doll?” Bucky grins, still holding her up.

“Steve…” Is all she whispers. He raises a brow and keeps an amused smirk on his face.

“Yes, angel?”

She whimpers again, moving her hips against Bucky’s, prompting him to groan.

“I…” She can’t even finish her sentence, suddenly feeling self conscious.

“Say it, baby.” Bucky breathes, using one arm to keep her up against the wall whilst the other tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

“Kiss me.” Her voice is breathless and Steve immediately complies.

“God, this is the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.” The Winter Soldier admires. “Doll, what would you say if I told you that we wanted you properly?”

(Y/N) pulls back and looks absolutely surprised but so pleasantly surprised.

“Yeah, we want you.” Steve answers her unspoken question. “That is, if you want both of us.”

She nods, instantly.

“Yes. God, fuck, yes, oh my God.”

The men grin.

“The second we laid our eyes on you, my God…” Bucky comments.

“Likewise…” (Y/N) smiles, kissing them both once more.

“Ooh, Tony’s gonna love this.” Sam’s voice speaks up once more, prompting the trio to look over and see him stood there with Clint, Nat and Tony himself.

“I swear to Christ…” The billionaire groans.

“I feel like I’m missing something?” (Y/N) whispers, Sam and Clint laughing as Nat smirks, Tony covering his face.

“The day Tony caught the lovely stain that those two left on the black sofa.” Sam smiles, (Y/N) giggling.

“I swear I’ll clean up after ourselves.” She laughs.

“I DON’T EVEN WANNA IMAGINE YOU-“ Tony cuts himself off with another groan.

“She’s in her mid-twenties, Tony. The woman’s gonna have sex.” Nat comments, smirking,

“SHUT UP!” He yells, everyone laughing as he storms back inside.

*** Flashback End ***

The mistake (Y/N) made was not going to that restaurant at seven. Because then it didn’t stop. She blocked numbers but then he added her on social media. She blocked all the accounts but he made new ones and added her quicker than she could block them. She could call the police for harassment purposes but she’s scared. She’ll have to go to court and it’ll be all over the news. She can vision it.

AVENGER, (Y/N) (L/N), IN COURT FOR HARRASSMENT CASE?!

She doesn’t want to deal with that and she can’t put that reputation onto SHIELD. Not after everything Nick and Tony have done for her to get here.

What scares the others is the little differences they notice in her attitude but just assume she’s tired. They have all undeniably been fighting a lot recently. What triggers her is the most that comes through. The letters.

“(Y/N), you have post.” Clint calls, throwing the envelope across the room to her. She catches it and rips it open, curious as to who’s sending her letters, but then her eyes widen as she looks at two images. One of her half-way through getting dressed, taken through the balcony doors in her room, and the other of her sitting in her favourite coffee shop in town just on the phone, hand wrapped around the mug contains hot chocolate.

Her eyes are wide and she’s trembling. Turning the photo over, expecting no less, there’s a note:

I know everything, darling. I know how much of a whore you are for those soldiers. Wait til I get my hands on them. Or they remain unscathed if you come home to me

Fortunately, the message doesn’t frighten her because she knows that Dec, her ex, couldn’t do anything to even scratch her two super soldiers. They’re not at risk in the slightest. Declan is just a regular citizen, it’s just a message to scare her, but it won’t work. Thinking tactically, she heads to her room and stores the photos in the box. The box that also has printed copies of every single text message he’s ever sent her. She can’t stop the tears that overflow, or the sob that escapes her as she looks at all of it.

She doesn’t know what to do. She knows, she knows, that she needs to tell someone. At least Steve and Bucky, but she can’t. She’s scared. So scared. She doesn’t know what of really.

Weeks pass and she receives more and more photos. More and more messages. She loses it one day. She’s just having one of those days where you feel like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders and you just want to lay in bed and do absolutely nothing. One of those days. But then Steve and Buck come strolling in from their mission and smile at the girl who’s standing at their balcony doors, staring out.

“Hey, doll face.” Buck smiles.

“Sweetheart.” Steve adds, watching her turn around and smile, effortlessly lighting up their whole life once again.

“Hey! How was the mission? As easy as it sounded?” She grins, watching them nod, removing their heavy gear.

“You know it.” The brunet grins. “This came for you by the way.” He adds, watching her face contort into absolute fear.

She takes a step back and hits the glass doors of their balcony, shaking her head.

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no, please, God, no more.” She whispers, tears forming and the men are instantly panicking.

“Hey, hey, hey, woah, it’s okay, you’re okay.” Bucky coos, dashing to her side as Steve does the other.

“Look at us, sweetheart.” Steve murmurs, watching her shake her head as her eyes remain locked on the envelope Bucky dropped on the bed.

He gulps and looks back at it.

“Baby, what is it?” His voice sounds scared himself.

“Please,” She whimpers, glancing from one soldier to the other. “Please, make it stop.”

The sound of how broken her voice is, on top of the fact she’s begging them to help her with something they don’t know about scares them and infuriates them at the same time.

The pair know she’s gotten a lot of post over the last month but they just assumed it was a friend or something. Nothing they desperately need to know about.

“Please.” She repeats, watching Steve turn and grab the envelope.

Her eyes meet his and he looks at her for some form of permission to open it.

“Make it stop.” Is all she says.

“Let’s sit you down on the bed, doll.” Bucky suggests, helping her to do so, sitting off the edge as he sits beside her, Steve remaining standing as he opens up the envelope.

The sight makes Steve’s eyes widen and his jaw drop. There’s about ten photos, all about the average post-it note size, of (Y/N), his girl, in random places. The fact that they’re all mostly zoomed in on her assets - her bare legs, up her skirt as much as possible, her breasts, cleavage, ass - makes his blood boil. He notices the black ink on the back of all of them. A variation of messages.

Come back to me or I’ll make you

Those soldiers will not last a second if you don’t do as you’re told

Be a good girl for me

Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes. Soon to be deceased.

I thought we’d learnt about being disobedient

You’re still as sexy as ever

They don’t deserve you

Remember how submissive you were for me?

He stops reading and snaps his head up to meet her scared expression.

“What is this?!” He asks, voice tense.

Bucky snatches the envelope out of his hand and also looks over the photos and messages, eyes ablaze with a fire that nobody could even attempt to put out.

“Please make it stop.” (Y/N) simply sobs, Steve crouching in front of her and taking her shaking hands in his own.

“(Y/N), sweetheart, I need you to explain this to us.” He mutters, hoping to ease an explanation out of her.

She releases a shaky exhale and looks over to her closet.

“There’s a box in my wardrobe.” She whispers, Steve nodding and heading over to get it, finding it with ease.

“May I?” He asks, gesturing to the lid. She nods, watching him tense up all over at the sight of even more photos. Ones of her half-dressed.

Explains why she no longer likes the curtains open.

He scans over all of the snapshots of texts and accounts and numbers that she’s saved. Bucky also leaning over to look at it all.

“Who is it?” Bucky asks, voice strained. She gulps.

“My ex.”

“We’ve got to tell Tony and Fury, (Y/N).” Steve comments, glancing up at her fearful eyes as she nods, more tears escaping.

“I know. I know, just please… Make it stop.”

“Hey, hey,” The Winter Soldier coos, wrapping his arms around her, side on, and holding her close. “We’re gonna make it stop, baby, I promise. We’re gonna make it stop.”

(Y/N) nods and curls herself into him.

“I swear, we’re going to make it stop, sweetheart.” Steve adds, resting his hands on her knees from his crouched position. “FRIDAY, call Tony into the conference room and get Nick on call - tell him it’s urgent.”

“Director Fury is in the tower, Captain.” The AI responds.

“Even better, bring them both.”

///

“What’s going on?” Fury asks as the two soldiers enter the room, (Y/N) curled up in the arms of Bucky.

“What’s wrong?” Tony adds, standing up and looking at the girl, worriedly.

Steve throws the box on the table, it slides toward Tony and he stops it with his hand.

“Look in it.” The blond growls. Bucky sits the girl down on one of the chairs and kisses her forehead.

“What the fuck is this?” Tony breathes, scanning over all the photos, the messages, the usernames, everything.

“(Y/N)’s ex has been sending her these for…” Steve trails off, turning to look at his girlfriend for an answer.

“A month.” She whispers.

“(L/N), can you tell us who he is? Where he lives? What he does?” Nick quizzes, sounding interrogating but the look on his face holds care.

“Declan Anderson. He’s my ex. Dated for four years. He-“ She chokes up.

“It’s okay, doll.” Bucky soothes, stroking her back.

“FRIDAY, can you pull up my medical history - hospital trips.” The girl calls, the AI complying and displaying the items on the screen. “All of those reasons are lies.” She explains, gesturing to the reason she ended up in hospital.

“It was him.” Tony whispers, eyes wide as he turns back to look at her.

Sure, he’d seen these files before, but this, this was learning that someone dared lay their hands on her.

“He hurt you.” The billionaire repeats, Steve and Bucky also staring with wide eyes at the screen that displays the images of bruising on her skin.

She doesn’t react, just stares at the screen with teary eyes.

“Oh my God, sweetheart.” Steve utters, turning to look at his girl.

“Please, make it stop.” She repeats for the nth time. Tony and Fury look at the woman in shock of how vulnerable and how desperate she sounds.

This is the woman who daren’t ever ask for anything and never complains about a thing. The woman who can take on Loki and probably HYDRA single handedly, and yet this bastard can break her down to a scared little girl.

She could look death in the face and not be scared.

“We will. I promise.” Tony says with a firm nod of his head.

///

The next couple of weeks are a bit better because Tony goes through all letters for (Y/N) and opens them before they get to her, keeping the images.

That is until one day when she needs to go down to reception of the tower and pick up some documents and she sees him.

“You should know better than to keep my waiting, darling.” He grins, the entire threatening look on his face having not changed at all since she last saw him a couple of years ago, before she joined SHIELD. Before Tony found her and brought her here. Saved her.

“What- What’re you doing here?” She whispers, but he hears her.

“Coming to collect what’s mine.”

What he fails to realise, amongst the busy reception where no-one is batting an eyelid, is that Happy is watching the entire thing from the door. He doesn’t know who the man is but he knows enough by (Y/N)’s facial expression that she doesn’t want him there. Despite this, the reasons for that are unbeknowst to him and therefore he doesn’t want to get involved if it’s just a small argument. Stark would hate him.

He calls Stark but it goes straight to voicemail.

“FRIDAY,”

“Yes, Mister Hogan?” The AI responds on his watch.

“Get Tony, Steve and Bucky down here. Tell them it’s urgent - it’s (Y/N).” He states.

“Of course.”

And then he approaches the duo, hoping to hear their conversation.

“Please, leave me alone.” (Y/N) pleads, her voice quiet. Scared.

The man, Declan, laughs.

“Not a chance. I leave here with you or not at all.”

(Y/N) flickers her eyes around and meets Happy’s questioning, worried glare. Suddenly, as if remembering where she is, who she’s with, the woman gains confidence.

“No. I’m not going back to you. I refuse to let you control me again. I’m an Avenger now and you’re pushing your luck by even being in this tower so I suggest you leave before I make you.” She demands, and just when she thought she’d won, the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a photo.

Smirking, he holds it up and shows her, and it’s that picture. The picture of when she was with him and he tied her down to the bed and absolutely tore her apart. She’s naked. Completely and utterly nude. Tied up. Battered and bruised.

“Should I publish this?” He grins, watching her confidence shatter as quickly as it came.

“Leave me alone.” She whispers. “You fucking asshole.” Her voice is tense as she tries to keep her tears at bay. “They’ll kill you.”

He knows who she’s referring to but also doesn’t give a shit.

“I’m taking you first.”

“Like hell you are.”

“You stupid bitch.” He hisses, striding forwards and raising his fist, (Y/N) widening her eyes and squealing.

It echoes across the entire reception but no-one sees the follow up of what could’ve been as a metal arm grasps the man’s raised fist.

Arms wrap around the girl and turn her so she’s facing their chest. She inhales. Steve.

Bucky has to calm himself before he can react any further. He’s about ready to kill all over again after seeing this bastard raise his hand to his girl. Seeing the fear and shock on her face as he did.

Steve keeps his eyes on Bucky’s to keep him grounded and it works. The brunet nods as a thanks which Steve returns.

“You son of a fucking bitch.” The Winter Soldier growls, twisting the man’s hand until he hears the wrist snap. The cry that rips from his throat catching nobodies attention as Happy and Tony had got them all out and closed off reception temporarily.

Tony comes over and doesn’t hesitate to wrap his hands around the man’s throat and shove him up against one of the walls. Dec’s eyes are wide as he tries to fight the CEO but it’s useless.

“You’re the bastard that’s been torturing her. That’s hurt her. That’s threatened her and torn her apart, and yet she’s still stronger than you. How does that make you feel?!” He roars, not letting his grip loosen at all.

“Tony…” Pepper whispers from aside, but he simply narrows his eyes.

“Why her?!” The man hisses, Declan fighting for oxygen.

“I love her!” He gasps, and that’s when Tony throws him onto the ground.

Bucky follows up with a large punch - with his metal hand - straight to the man’s face. Twice. Knocking him out.

“I wanna kill him.” He growls, Steve reaching out with the arm that’s not around their girl and pulling him to them.

“I know.”

Tony turns to look at the trio.

“(Y/N),” He calls, watching her turn her head that’s resting on Steve’s chest. “He’ll never contact or see you again.”

She nods, Steve hating the trembling that he feels all over her body.

“You’re safe, doll, I promise you.” Bucky whispers, leaning down to kiss her lips.

“I love you.” She whimpers, turning her head up to glance at Steve, and then Tony. All of the men understanding.

“We love you too, sweetheart.” Steve murmurs.

“So very much.” Tony smiles, glad that the woman he sees as his kid has the two super soldiers to protect her and keep her safe and sane.

The two super soldiers take (Y/N) upstairs whilst Happy and Tony stare down the unconscious man on the floor.

“What do we do with him?” The security guard asks.

“Take him downstairs and tell Sam, Clint and Nat that we got them a new punching bag.”

[professorofcrimeratigan]

Petition Town Board for something! A new business? A new law? Anything!

Petition: To Rename “Yellow Brick Road” 

PETITIONER: Pedram Ratigan

OTHER SIGNERS: 

PETITION: 

To the members of the Swynlake Board and to anyone else to which this may concern, 

This petition is in regards to the street that has been named, “Yellow Brick Road,” running parallel to Main Street on the southwest side of town and leads from Everafter Boulevard out to the farmlands. I am suggesting that this street be named something more apt. 

From my understanding the name is derived from the saying that was originally used in the fictional work of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum, an American author that was then turned into a movie by MGM in 1939 under the title The Wizard of Oz. The phrase then became popular and has been used in various forms of popular culture, such as the musical the town performed this past summer (2020) of Wicked. 

To my understanding, Swynlake has always been a welcoming place for Magicks. It is well known as being the only place within Great Britain that is openly friendly to the kind. This town takes great pride in this fact and the people within its community often cite it for why they have decided to live here at all. So why have we allowed this town to name a street from a phrase that comes from a piece of media that is not friendly to Magicks? 

Within the book and the more well known and popular movie version of this story, the depiction of witches is abysmal, as they often are in media. They play to the stereotypes that have accumulated around sorceresses and allowing the term witch that has been turned into some sort of insult when discrediting and persecuting these women. Depictions such as the Wicked Witch of the West are harmful as they reinforce stereotypes that reinforce Mundus-Magick inequality and marginalize sorceresses. Not only that, but the young sorceress who have had to listen to the Mundus tourists walk down that road singing the song from The Wizard of Oz are reminded that even within a town they thought they were safe in, the town itself is still capitalizing on these hurtful depictions of them within popular media and have done nothing to amend this. Stereotypes do not evolve out of thin air, they have a history. Sorceress who no longer served purpose to men having become widows when their husbands died as they could no longer perform their duties as a wife, and having grown old in age which would not allow them to produce any offspring, were considered evil. Without a man’s word to protect them from these allegations they were prosecuted and punished for these signs of wickedness. The depiction of witches seen in literature, art, and media were once point interpretations of how witches looked. They gave physical attributions that correspond with age, socioeconomic status, or deviance were used as tools to incriminate these women who fit into those categories. 

Also within this story a Mundus man is depicted as pretending to be a powerful sorcerer known at The Wizard. This is another harmful character to for Magicks as this character is shown to lie and con his way to a place of power. When he is found out to be a Mundus with no powers he is not punished, he is only given a stern talking to by the main protagonists before proceeds to give the characters the things they asked of him by presenting them with ordinary gifts with the message that what they wanted, they had the whole time. This is a harmful message to send to Mundus who could potentially be using false claims to earn them a place of power. It also must be disheartening to Magicks to see a character that they supposedly had something in common with in a place of power, only to find out that it was a Mundus the whole time in a time period when they do not get to see themselves in such places due to legislation. 

One could argue that the town is using the phrase to take back The Wizard of Oz and claim it for Magicks. The summer musical took the more Magick friendly version of the story that was told from Elphaba’s point of view, adapted from the books. Already this is a step in the right direction as they have bothered to giver her a name instead of referencing her by her horrid given title. The books use the same inversion but both offer different experiences as their forms of storytelling is not the same just as the time in which they were written was not the same. Neither of which are perfect forms of media that depict Magicks either, but one could argue it has better purpose than its counterpart. But I find that the reference to the yellow brick road would bring up the latter rather than the former for most people, including Mundus who are probably more aware of the story in The Wizard of Oz than they are the story of Wicked. 

A name of a street may not seem like a big deal. Perhaps it isn’t. But if Swynlake is going to continue to promote itself as a beacon of light for Magicks and Mundus to live together in harmony then we should rename the street to something else. Using a phrase for one of our main roads that is derived from a piece of media that has popularized the stereotype of the wicked witch and a Mundus calling themselves a Magick to claim power for himself when it could be used to commemorate something else is a missed opportunity. 

I would suggest that the Board put out a call to the community for new names for Yellow Brick Road. The Board can then chose its top picks and allow the community to vote on these until a winner is found. 

Thank you, 

Dr. Pedram Ratigan

BUDGET: Whatever it takes to legally change a street name, put up new signs, and rename everything on maps.

(this came from me reading Jean’s hc post about people singing on the street so this petition could be alternatively titled “Ratigan has had enough of listening to bitches sing this movie/musical’s songs due to that street and wants to put an end to it.”)