#if anyone wants to join me it will probably be my first concert alone actually i don't know how i feel about that

[gabriellovescandy]

FINE I'm buying a concert ticket to see Måneskin

[raaorqtpbpdy]

Brotherhood (2)

Directly following the events of Double Helix, Danny enrolls in Bayville High school and joins the Brotherhood of Mutants. He's not sure if they actually believe he's a ghost and not a mutant, but at least they don't care enough to challenge him on it, and that's good enough for him. This is a direct sequel to Double Helix (linked above), and some parts may be confusing without the context of the original fic. I suggest you read that first.

Written for @crossoverdanuary Week 2024, Day 5: The Owl House X-Men Evolution | Shell

I have seen exactly two episodes of The Owl House, and that was like four years ago or something, so I was not confident in my ability to write a crossover for it. Also, from this chapter on, it's unedited and I'll come back to edit later. I just want to actually finish this fic tonight.

I tried to work in a theme of both Danny and Wanda "coming out of their shell" throughout the fic. You can also read it on AO3.

Chapter 2: Transition

Previous

[Warning for mental institutions]

"You guys got any plans for the long weekend?" Lance asked as he sprawled out on the shabby couch in the board house. "Kitty told me she and some of the X-dorks are going on an educational retreat to the California redwoods. They decided on it yesterday. Can you imagine being able to just up and fly to the other side of the country on a whim."

"And for educational purposes, yuck!" Toad agreed. "If I had my own jet like they do, I'd go to Vegas!"

"If you could afford a jet like they have, you wouldn't have to go to Vegas," Lance said. "You'd already be rich. If I had my own jet, I would use it to go to all the concerts I'd normally miss because they're too far away."

"I don't need a private jet to go wherever I want," Pietro bragged. "If I want to go to a concert, I'll run right in past security and no one will even know."

"And if that concert is in Europe?" Lance asked. "Or Asia? You know, across a massive ocean? Can you run there?"

"Okay, point taken, but why would I wanna go to a snooty European concert anyway?" the speedster scoffed. "What about you, Danny?"

"What do I need a jet for? I can already fly," he said. "Not that I use it for major travel much. Maybe I should. That's what my cousin does. She flies all over the world."

"Hey! We should do something fun this weekend!" Toad declared. "Maybe sneak into a concert, or go somewhere cool! Show those X losers we know how to have a good time while they use their fancy private jet to go learn things."

"Sure, I'm down," Lance agreed.

"Sorry guys, I'm gonna pass this time. I actually do have plans this weekend," Danny said. "I'm gonna fly upstate and visit a friend. I haven't seen her in a few weeks."

"Her?" Pietro repeated with a smirk. "This wouldn't happen to be a girlfriend would it?"

"It's not like that," Danny said. "She's a friend. She's a girl. That's it."

"Uh-huh... sure," Toad said, sounding unconvinced. "You dog."

"Lay off," Danny said, rolling his eyes. "Come on, we gotta get to school. Long weekend's not here yet."

Toad groaned.

"Buck up, we've only got one more day," Lance pointed out.

When the long weekend finally arrived, Danny filled his pockets with all the things he wanted to bring, said good-bye to the Brotherhood, who barely acknowledged him as they argued about what to do that weekend, and took off. He flew north, toward the mental institution. It had been almost three whole weeks since he'd last been there, but he remembered the way.

Honestly, he hadn't expected to go back so soon, and Wanda probably wouldn't be expecting him either, but it wasn't like he was gonna be an inpatient this time. He would turn invisible and pop into Wanda's room to hang out with her. It hadn't even been that long, really, but he missed her.

Thinking about her in that room all alone again, without anyone or anything to distract her, it almost made him regret leaving in the first place. He should have been more considerate. Even though she said she'd be okay, leaving just because he didn't like Xavier was selfish.

When, after almost a full day of flying, he finally caught sight of the building, resentment gripped his chest. He hated this place. If it weren't for Wanda, he wouldn't have even stayed as long as he had. And if it weren't for her, he definitely wouldn't have come back, ever. No matter what.

But he did. He came back. For Wanda.

Sneaking in went just as planned. No one saw him. No one heard him. He was a ghost, after all. The moment he saw Wanda, he realized that he'd missed her even more than he'd thought.

"Knock knock," he said as he appeared in her room.

She jumped in surprise, but when she saw him, she smiled. "You scared me."

"Should I have said 'Boo', instead?" he asked. "I totally should have. Missed opportunity."

She chuckled slightly and shook her head.

"You seem to be doing pretty well, all things considered," he noted.

She was still wearing a straight jacket, but it looked looser, like whoever had put it on her wasn't as worried about her getting out. Her small smile still seemed genuine. Three weeks on her own again hadn't sent her straight back to her darkest place, it seemed.

"Yeah," she agreed. "I've been taking your advice. Whenever I notice myself getting stuck thinking about the bad memory, I try to think of three good ones. It's hard sometimes, but I think the more effort it takes, the better it works, because it keeps me distracted for longer. Yesterday, I remembered reading that book with you. You know the one. I tried to imagine an ending for it where they were both arrested as war criminals instead of having a happy ending. Do you want to hear it?"

"Absolutely," Danny confirmed.

In truth, he hadn't even thought about that trashy romance novel in ages. It was largely forgettable for him, but if it helped Wanda better navigate her emotions then hell yeah he wanted to hear her ideas for an alternate ending.

In her version of the ending, there was a huge trial. The kings of both sides agreed that the Warlock and Sorceress were guilty of crimes against Arvenia, and sentenced them to live the rest of there lives in a deep, dark dungeon where the lovers could only communicate by having rats deliver notes between them.

Then, after years of planning their escape one note at a time, they broke out and took over the world together, killing the kings and terrorizing the people of Arvenia to keep them in line.

"Ooh, plot twist!" Danny said when she got to that part. "I like that you made them the villains in the end. They should have been the villains from the beginning."

"I agree," Wanda said. "It was stupid that the book just gave them another villain to blame for all the bad things they did and fight off, rather than acknowledging their crimes."

"Totally!" Danny emphatically agreed. "Oh, I just remembered! I brought you some stuff."

He reached into his pockets and pulled out all the stuff he'd brought. He pulled out a deck of cards, a book of MadLibs and a pen, a sheet of stickers. He wasn't sure what they would have the most fun with, so he'd just  brought a bunch of random junk. Lastly, he pulled out a necklace, a black choker with an ankh charm.

"What's that?" she asked.

"Your first goth accessory," he said. "I found it in a random box in the attic where I'm staying now."

"No, I mean what's that symbol?" she asked, repositioning herself so Danny could put the necklace on her.

"Oh, it's an ankh. The Egyptian symbol for life, I think."

"Life, huh? Doesn't sound very goth."

"Well, you would be wearing it ironically," he said. "Most of the other gothy stuff I found had crosses, and seeing as your Jewish and all...." He shrugged. "Felt like it would be disrespectful. So, do you like it?"

"Yeah, I like it a lot," Wanda said. "You know," her voice became suddenly softer than before, like she was nervous. "Professor Xavier is going to come tomorrow. I think tomorrow might finally be the day he takes me with him."

"You think?" Danny asked, excited for her despite his hatred of the professor.

"Yeah," she confirmed. "I've been doing a lot better lately, and I have a really good feeling about it."

"That's awesome, Wanda!" he told her. "In that case, let's call the necklace a good luck charm. I'm rooting for you. I know you can do it."

"Thanks."

"You know, I also found this totally sweet red leather coat when I was rooting around in the attic," he said. "Ankle-length, flared collar, and it's your favorite color. Once you're ready to give up the straight jacket, I'll bring it to you as a congratulations present. What do you think?"

"I think you're really trying to motivate me."

"What can I say? I miss my friend."

"Then we have a deal," she agreed. Tomorrow is gonna be the day. I just know it."

Danny grinned widely at her. 

For the rest of the day, they mostly played MadLibs. They tried a few card games, too, but with Wanda's hands restrained, the only thing they could really do was collaborative solitaire, and that got old fast. Danny stuck little ghost and bat stickers on all the latches on her straight jacket while he told her about the school he was going to, and the board house. How he'd picked the same city the Xavier Institute was in so he could see her again when she enrolled there.

"They're all mutants at the board house," Danny told her. "I don't know if they actually believe I'm not, but they don't push it. They don't even call me a mutant by mistake. I don't know, maybe it's 'cause they're afraid I'll do something, or maybe it's 'cause they just don't care enough to argue with me, but either way, that's better than I ever got from Xavier."

"I'm glad you found people who accept you," Wanda said. "I hope when I go to the professor's school, I will too."

"Me too," Danny agreed. "And hey, even if you don't find them there, you'll still have me."

She smiled at him. Her smile was always small, burdened, a little sad behind the eyes, but it was honest. Danny liked that about her. She never tried to hide anything.

That night, he crashed in her room. Despite being fully padded, it was not very comfortable, but it was better than trying to fly through the night and ending up sleeping in a tree somewhere. He said 'see ya later' and left early in the morning to make sure he wouldn't be seen when the orderlies came to get her for her meeting with the professor, and promised to meet up with her again soon.

Then, he spent another day flying back to Bayville.

"You're getting back a little late, aren't you?" Lance observed when Danny finally returned to the board house. "Did you get to spend some quality time with your girlfriend?"

"Again, not my girlfriend, but yes, I did," Danny responded. "How was your... whatever you guys decided to do this weekend?"

"Oh, we ended up not being able to decide, so we just ordered pizza and stayed here all weekend," Lance answered. "So that was... that."

"Oh, yeah, those X-Men are gonna be soo jealous of the weekend you had."

"Shut up!"

It wasn't until a couple days later that news reached the Brotherhood of the X-Men's newest member. It came by way of Lance's budding relationship with Kitty.

"Really!? The X-Men have a new member?" Danny repeated excitedly when he heard the news after school.

"That's what Kitty said," Lance confirmed. "Apparently she's not gonna start at Bayville High for another few of days so she can get settled, but yeah. I don't know anything about her, though."

"I'm pretty sure I do!" Danny said. "I gotta go!"

"What?"

Danny didn't bother to explain. He went ghost, made a quick pit-stop in the attic to grab something and then flew straight for the Xavier Institute. He'd never actually been there before, but Tabitha told him where it was a while back. Apparently, she used to be an X-Men trainee before she joined the Brotherhood, and she was still friends with some of them.

Turrets rose up out of the ground the moment he got past the gate. Probably motion-activated. Danny easily avoided getting hit by turning intangible and staying that way until he'd flown straight through the front door. It actually took a while. The grounds were huge.

By the time he got through, there was a group of mutants waiting for him, suited up and ready for a fight.

"Relax, I'm not here to fight," Danny said. He held up the paper bag he'd brought with him. "I'm just bringing a friend a gift."

"Who are you?" demanded a guy with a weird visor. Scott, probably. He seemed like Scott.

"What do you mean who am I?" Danny asked. "You know me!"

"Like, I've never seen you before," Kitty said, crossing her arms. 

How they expected to protect their identities when they didn't even wear masks, Danny had no idea.

"What are you talking about? I—" He stopped himself abruptly. "Oh yeah, my bad," he said, and let the rings of his transformation wash over him, revealing his human form. "Recognize me now?"

Judging by their gasps, the answer was yes, but they didn't stand down.

"What are you doing here?" Jean asked. "I thought you didn't want anything to do with the Xavier Institute."

"I don't wanna join, but it's not like I hate you guys or anything," Danny said. "This just isn't the place for me. And I already told you why I'm here. I'm brought a congratulations present for Wanda. She's your new member, right? Or trainee? Whatever."

"How do you know that?" asked a fuzzy blue mutant that Danny didn't recognize until he started talking. That German accent was unmistakably Kurt.

"Well, when I saw her the other day, she said she felt really confident that she was going to be able to join you guys soon, and then Lance said Kitty said you got a new member, so I figured it must be her."

The others all glared at Kitty.

"What?" she asked. "It's not like it was gonna be a secret for long anyway. We, like, all go to the same school!"

"I wasn't aware you and Wanda were so close," came a familiar voice.

Danny turned to see the professor wheeling in and had to school his face to avoid scowling at him.

"We're friends," he said. "Can I see her or not? And keep in mind if you say no, I'm just gonna find her anyway."

"As long as you haven't come with ill intentions, I see no reason why you shouldn't be allowed to see her," the professor said. "We're all mutants after all, and a sense of community is important."

"I'm not a mutant," Danny muttered, his scowl finally breaking through.

The professor responded with a tight smile. "Jean, why don't you show Danny to Wanda's room."

"Of course, professor," Jean agreed. "It's this way."

She headed up the stairs and Danny followed.

"So do you and Wanda know each other from the institution?" Jean asked. "I mean, sorry, that's probably personal. I hope you don't mind me asking."

"It's fine," Danny said. "Yeah. Security couldn't exactly hold a guy who walks through walls, so I would sneak into her room sometimes and we'd hang out. She always wanted to be able to come here. I could never really understand it, but I'm still proud of her, you know? I may not agree with you guys, but you're good people. For the most part. I'm not quite sold on Scott, yet."

Jean chuckled. "I guess we can't really ask for more than that." She stopped in the hallway and knocked on a door. "Wanda, you in there? You have a visitor."

The door opened seemingly on its own.

"Danny!" Wanda's voice called. "I didn't think you'd be here so soon."

"I came as soon as I heard, and I guess word travels fast," he replied. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah, come in," she said.

"I'll leave you to it," Jean said, as she backed away into the hall and closed the door behind her.

"You look good," Danny said.

Her clothes were a bit mismatched, but it was the first time he was seeing her without a straight jacket, and that was a huge improvement. She was also wearing the choker he'd given her. Her hair looked recently washed, and was neatly combed and tucked behind her ears. 

Even the way she held herself was more confident, happier. Not being in that rotten mental institution was already having a positive affect on her, it seemed.

"I brought something that'll make you look even better." He held up the paper bag.

"The coat?" she asked, rushing forward excitedly to take the bag from him.

"I hope it fits," he told her. "It looked about the right size."

She let the bag drop to the floor as he pulled the coat out and smoothly slid it on. It looked like it might be a little wide in the shoulders, but other than that, it fit like a glove.

"It's perfect," she said.

"I also found some earrings that match the necklace," he said. "I slipped 'em in one of the pockets. I know you don't have pierced ears, but I figured if you ever did, you might like to have them."

She patted the pockets until she found what he was talking about and smiled when she pulled them out. Then, she laid them gently on her dresser.

He didn't think he'd ever seen her smile so much, and so unabashedly. It wasn't the tiny, hesitant smile she'd worn before. She was really coming out of her shell.

"Careful," he said. "Looking at you now, I'd almost think you weren't consumed by rage."

Her smile fell. 

That had been the wrong thing to say.

"I am still angry," she said. "I can't stop it. But... you were right. I didn't need to control my anger. I just had to stop letting my anger control me. Now I can be angry and happy at the same time. Angry and excited. I feel more than just anger now. It feels good."

"I'm happy to hear it," he told her. "So how's this place treating you so far?"

"I have a roommate!" she replied instantly. "Her name is Rahne. And tomorrow, when they're done with school, she and some of the other girls are gonna take me to the mall for new clothes so I don't have to wear stuff from the lost-and-found anymore."

"That makes sense," Danny said.

"Do you wanna come?" she invited.

"I... would... but I might ruin the mood," he said apologetically. "Some of them don't trust me since I'm technically part of the Brotherhood, and we're... enemies? Rivals? Something like that. Plus, you don't want a guy tagging along on your first girl's shopping trip. Trust me. You'll want the full experience."

"You have a point...."

"I'll enjoy the surprise of seeing your new wardrobe when you come to school in a few days," he said.

They hung out and chatted for a little while until Wanda's roommate came back and Danny figured that was his cue to go. As he left her new room, he had the distinct pleasure of telling her he'd see her at school.

He could feel eyes on him until he was all the way off the manor grounds. They may not have hated him, but these X-Men sure as hell didn't trust him either.

Whatever. He didn't care what they thought about him. As long as they took care of Wanda, and left him alone, they were alright in his book. So far, so good.

[sparkles-oflight]

If not for you

One time I claimed "If not for you" by Måneskin was a BoKris song and I'm here to "sell my fish" (this expression makes absolutely no sense in English but alas).

Setting: This happens IMMEDIATELY after the Stožice concert. Literally in the backstage. Bojan is pondering about life and some homo shit happens (I hate doing synopsis). It's sort of cute? Idk. Feelings, man.

Disclaimer: Please think of these as characters and not the actual people. I don’t encourage anyone to send this to any of the actual JO members nor do I encourage people to force any type of relationship between anyone.

♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩

“Everything ended so quickly”, that’s what he thought.

He was sitting down alone on the couch, with his costume on his body still. He enjoyed the feeling of the fabric against his sweaty skin, as his heartbeat calmed down and the adrenaline disappeared...

They really did it, didn’t they?

So... why did he feel tears running down his cheeks? Were those happy tears?

- BOJAN! – a tall man entered the room – Come on! Everyone is waiting for you outside. WE HAVE A PARTY!

The small man looked up at the owner of the voice...Kris.

- Hey, man...are you crying? – Kris finally noticed what was going on.

- I’m fine. – Bojan quickly tried to wipe his tears off.

- Do you want me to call Martin? – Kris kneeled in front of Bojan, holding his hands – Maybe he knows better how to deal with these types of s-

- No. – Bojan protested by holding his hands strongly – No need to call Martin. I’m fine.

Kris looked in distress. He really was lost...why was Bojan crying? They just filled a stadium- no, they filled THE stadium with a crowd of people who came to see them and their band. If he thought too much about it, he would probably start crying too, but he didn’t want to bring the mood down. He just wanted to party. He had time to process his feelings later...

Kris just failed to understand that that was exactly what was going on in Bojan’s brain. The big difference between them was that Bojan actually chose to let his feelings out first instead of bottling them up.

- Kris... – Bojan was the one who broke the ice – do you remember how we met?

- Okay Bojan we need to get you dressed. – Kris was not letting him talk about it...he really didn’t want to cry.

- It was so funny seeing you burst into our rehearsal to criticize us... – Bojan’s lips formed a smile – You were a hater from the beginning, weren’t you?

- If you actually knew how to play the song, I wouldn’t have to intervene. – Kris was starting to unbutton Bojan’s shirt, avoiding eye contact.

- But if I had played it well, we wouldn’t have met, would we? – Kris didn’t reply, so Bojan kept going – And it was...amazing how I inspired you to play music. Not THE Miha Guštin but Bojan Cvjetićanin.

- To be fair, I just wanted to get girls' attention. Lift your arms. – Bojan lifted his arms as Kris removed his shirt – Though it seems I’m only a lesbian icon now...

- Even so... – Kris got up and folded Bojan’s shirt and then put it away – It was the first time I ever inspired a young person to do music.

- Bojan, I’m one year younger than you.

- Listen, Krisko, when I was your age, I used to respect my elders.

- No, you didn’t.

- No, I didn’t. – and the smaller one kept his rambling going – You took a while to accept my request to join our band...but I’m glad of how things turned out...because... “If not for you, I wouldn’t sing anymore” – Bojan softly sang.

- What? – Kris returned.

- It’s a song... – Bojan decided to sing as Kris untied his shoes – “There’d be no summer...There’d be no spring, if not for this love of mine”.

Kris didn’t say anything, he just enjoyed the singing.

- “Thornes without flowers... Bars with no drinks, if not for this love of mine” – Bojan thought his tears had dried...he was wrong – “All the lights, all the parties will just fade out... Shut them down”.

Kris finally started recognizing the melody of the song, though he couldn’t quite remember where from.

- “If not for you, I wouldn’t sing anymore” – and the tears flowed from Bojan’s eyes down to his cheeks and his throat...and some of them dried on Bojan’s bare chest – “If not for you, I couldn’t get off this floor”.

- Yeah, I’m literally helping you get dressed. – Kris couldn’t help but make a snarky comment.

- But it’s true, if it weren’t you, I wouldn’t be singing anymore. – Kris got up to put his shoes away.

- Why do you say that?

- Because of that day...the day you sang Gola to me. – Kris finally stopped on his tracks.

He was not facing Bojan, but Bojan knew something had broken inside Kris’ brain.

A bunch of coincidences brought them together, but it was Kris who made their bond stay intact. It was Kris that made it possible for them to have what they have now.

- I wanted to go solo, but you asked for one last chance – Kris knew all of that – and you made me stay...with just a guitar, your voice and passion...

Kris didn’t need a recap of their relationship...he didn’t want any of that...and the more Bojan talked, the more Kris just wanted to run away...

- Kris...I need you to know – Kris didn’t want to face those feelings right now – That I’m thankful for all you’ve done for me. For all of us.

Still not facing Bojan, the tall man let the tears run down his face. He just nodded.

- I’m crying because...we made it, man. – Kris really had it with him.

He quickly wiped his tears and faced Bojan. He was done.

It took him years to reach a state of confidence he felt when he was in the arena...years of building up, of feeling comfortable with his own body and image. Years processing feelings and burying down some of those...

- We need to get you drunk. – he projected onto the singer.

He quickly unzipped Bojan’s glittery pink pants...he just wanted this chat to be over. He was done reflecting on his past insecure self.

- Hey! – Bojan grabbed Kris’ hands before he could start taking his pants off.

The guitarist finally looked at the singer. The younger one had red eyes, a slight blush, and frustration in his gaze.

- Are you blushing because your hand is near my dick? – Bojan tried to tease him, but he didn’t understand his frustration at all.

- No! – Kris tried to free his hand, but Bojan didn’t let him.

- Uhm... – Instead, the brown-eyed boy got close to his face and stared at the guitarist’s eyes, his guitarist – There’s something going on, isn’t there?

- Fine! – Kris abruptly yelled, but Bojan didn’t let his hand go, he was used by now – Do you want to know so badly!? – Bojan didn’t reply – What if...

- What if...?

- What if I was down for you...? Really badly.

- You...

- Yes, Bojan, I liked you.

- And what changed?

- I did.

- And you can’t have feelings for me because of that?

- I don’t want my old self to exist anymore. We are two different people. – Bojan finally let go of Kris’ hand slowly - He helped me reach this far, but that was it.

- But he existed. I think that’s the beauty of it.

- What would you know about it? You’ve always been comfortable in your own skin, thoughts, and feelings. You were always social, open, and confident. You don’t know what is like to be me!

- I don’t, but I don’t think you should shit on your old self.

- Why do you even fucking care!?

- Because I felt the same.

- What...? – Kris didn’t understand a word – What the fuck are you talking about?

- I also liked you.

Kris stopped for a couple of seconds...he needed to process what just happened.

- Why?

- Why wouldn’t I? The moment you burst through the door to yell at me I was immediately showered by your energy. – Bojan wasn’t going to shy away from eye contact, but he certainly fidgeted with his fingers out of nervousness – It’s a different energy from Martin or Jan’s or any of the other guys...

He looked at a loss of words, so Kris made the question this time.

- What changed?

- I did. I grew up to be more anxious and careful.

- That doesn’t sound like you at all.

- Because I can’t let go of my past self. Both versions of me coexist and I can accept them both, with their faults and virtues. No use in crying over spilled milk.

They stayed in an awkward silence for a while before Kris got too annoyed with it.

- What now?

- First of all, close the door. I can’t believe you started undressing me before even closing the door to the hallway.

Kris looked behind him. The door was wide open.

Did anyone listen? At this point: who cares?

- Now? – he said after closing the door.

- Wanna go party with the other? Or...

- Or?

- Do want to help me undress me some more?

- You are fucking unbelievable.

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"Why do you like having your characters naked, high and or drunk when they confess feelings?" It's a metaphor for vulnerability (I grew up watching sailor Moon)

I hope you somehow got past my shitty "synopsis" (I didn't even attempt to write one really) and made it this far. Byee

Polaroid Photos Universe | Recommended next: If not for you (Version 2)

[differentkettleoffishalltogether]

I’m On Fire [Chapter 1]

Summary: With her sister’s wedding fast approaching and her Mom hounding her about finding a date, Y/N makes a terrible decision that lands her and her least favorite genius in a confusing situation.

A/N:  This is the first part in a series, I’ve written the first few chapters already so I’m hoping to update pretty regularly! I hope you guys enjoy, and any feedback is always appreciated! ❤️

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem Reader

Category: Fake Dating, Enemies to Lovers, (Eventual) Smut, Fluff, Angst, it’s a Slow Burn Baby

Warnings: None really for this chapter, cursing? Mean-ish Spencer

Word Count: 6.5k

Next Chapter

Series Masterlist

Masterlist 

I wasn’t at the BAU long before it started to feel like home. The team became my family, pure and simple.

Having been recruited by Hotch at only 22 I'd sort of fallen into the roll of the little sister to the team without really meaning to. It's not that I was naive, or particularly sheltered even. I know I'm good at my job, and I'd want to be, given how my life's revolved around it almost entirely. But the team seemed to adopt a protective mindset over me right off the bat.

When I first joined the FBI everything was terrifying. I worked so hard for my PhD, trying to get into the unit, but there's almost nothing that can actually prepare you for the real thing. Being out in action in the field, working the cases out in real time. Sometimes they had a smooth, easy conclusion followed by loud obnoxious drinks together. Then there were the others, the ones that kept me up for days after and felt as though they owned little pieces of my heart still.

It was JJ that helped the most on those horrible flights back on the jet. Noticing my anxious ticks and uneasy disposition after that first case that had ended badly. JJ had been through it all before, taking too many cases home with her. Seeing her son's little faces in the kids that we couldn't help. If I was the baby of the team JJ was the big sister, looking out for everyone.

Morgan on the other hand was the outrageously cool older brother, the one you just wanted to be. Early on he'd helped my weak self with the ruthless fitness regimen the FBI required, he offered to pull some strings and get the test written off. But I couldn't accept that, there was something in me that just wanted to impress Morgan, and honestly still does. Like somehow if he thought you were cool, then it became true. So I passed the exam, but getting up a flight of stairs was near impossible for a week after.

Emily was probably the fun aunt. The one that would sneak you booze at the family gathering, or take you to your first concert. Emily was actually the one who'd found me, digging around colleges for potential recruits she'd had me picked out for a while I later found out. Insisting that Hotch give me a shot. It was reassuring to know I had someone who would stick up for me from day one.

I was an tech analyst, among other things, sort of a counterpart for Garcia in the field. So it was no surprise to anyone when the two of us hit it off as though we'd known each other forever. We weren't the same by any means though. Penelope was bold, and bright, and confident beyond measure, where I've typically felt like more of a blend into the background type. I've always thought of myself that way, despite my achievements. I'd also always believed I was fairly inoffensive, no one I'd met had ever had a huge problem with me, 'till I got to the BAU that is.

Every rose has its thorn I suppose.

That thorn in my side was Dr. Spencer Reid.

It wasn't that Dr. Reid was a bad agent, or even a bad person. I hadn't actually met him before that first day in the conference room, but I'd known who he was for a long time. Before I came along he'd held the mantle of 'youngest ever recruit' in the unit, while I was studying I'd read any of his work I could get my hands on because of that fact.

I figured it must've been some sort of hazing when he looked me up and down that first day I was introduced, and then proceeded to blank me entirely for a full week. Up until I'd wrapped my first case.

The whole team went straight from the jet to the bar. Proceeding to get far too drunk. Spencer joined, which the rest of the team found unusual, and I probably should've taken as a sign of things to come.

That case went well, and everyone was in high spirits but Reid had a sour disposition, at least it seemed that way every time he looked at me. After a few too many drinks I went outside in an attempt to sober up in the cold air, unfortunately Reid must've snuck outside not long before.

"Ugh" was all he said when he first caught my silhouette approaching him. The night was unusually cold so it had been deserted outside the bar that evening. I wasn't really sure why it made me nervous to be alone with him like this, the two of us leaning back against the same small area of brick wall, looking out at the cold night.

"Nice to see you too doctor" was all I could muster, I was drunk enough that I let my sarcastic tone leap out, "you can relax, I'm just trying to get some fresh air, it's too stuffy in there, and loud. I'm not here to talk to you or anything."

"Well aren't you a sensitive thing" he responds in kind, at that point I wasn't really sure if it was a coincidence or if he'd been genuinely avoiding me, but things were starting to clear up.

"I'm sensitive, that's a fun take on things" I joke, taking a long sip of cold water from my glass.

"And what's that supposed to mean, newbie?" his emphasis on the last word all but confirms my suspicions.

"Fuck man, what's your problem with me? Is it because I'm new, or because I beat your stupid record?" I quip. hoping that at the very least it might coax him out of his shell. Dr. Spencer Reid getting angry at me could honestly be better than the nothing I'd been experiencing from him until now.

"What stupid record?" he sounds genuinely confused

"I'm the youngest BAU recruit now?" I didn't know why else he could be so sour. He'd never met me before last week, and since he'd ignored me that first day I'd done all I could not to step on his toes. So if he had a reason to hate me this much, it wasn't something I'd done on purpose.

He takes a few moments to respond, raising his eyebrows and considering the information. He chuckles. He fucking chuckles.

"That's funny." he says, his voice leveling out, "I didn't peg you as funny newbie" that word sets something off in me again. Something about it is dismissive, or belittling. Before I could fight back he starts to move, maneuvering around me and heading back inside. A little too tipsy to think of anything constructive to say, I just mutter "Fuck you Spencer."

He swings open the door, as he walks inside he just says "See you Monday, Newbie" without even looking at me.

And that was only the beginning.

----

"You know I'm just trying to make sure you get enough rest sweetheart. There's no need to get so defensive!" it was far too early in the morning to be dealing with this call. Since joining the BAU a few years ago this was a standard call from my Mom. Equal parts well meaning and over-bearing, and generally asking far too many questions.

"I'm not getting defensive Mom, I get plenty of rest, my job is just very important to me and you know that." I knew she was right to be at least a little worried, this job was consuming, and in all honesty I wasn't sure how people like JJ were married and still here. It seemed like an impossible feat.

"Fine sweetie, how are your co-workers doing then? How's Penelope? Give her my love" she loved Penelope, I think she thought that Penelope tethered me to the normal world, and in a way she was right. She kept me sane, and fun, and made me eat pizza and do face masks once a week at least. Even when I didn't think I wanted to.

"Pen's great Mom, everyone's good. Well, the usual ones get on my nerves, but I'm fine." As I say it I glance across at Dr. Reid, the only person who's also in as early as I am most days. I'm not sure if he can hear me but he's tapping his pen so loud on his desk that it takes all of my energy not to walk across the bullpen and stab him with it.

"Y'know what Mom, I'm actually just after getting to work and it's a busy day so can I call you back later?" I chance, getting her off the phone is always an ordeal.

"Fine, fine, I'll let you go. But wait one last thing!"

I knew what was coming. It was always coming.

"Are you seeing anyone, Margot's been wondering too, just thought I'd check in?"

Pinching the bridge of my nose and trying not to scream down the line, I just sigh out the frustration instead.

"No Mom, believe it or not, I've made no progress on that front since you asked me all of 3 days ago."

"See you are being defensive!" she snaps

"I gotta go, bye Mom. Love you!" I say, hanging up quickly before dropping my head down into my arms on my desk, resting like that for a few moments in silence.

Hearing Garica chuckle behind my ear I perk up and spin around. She's holding a small paper cup of coffee and hands it to me. I look at it confused, "Sorry about the paper, I couldn't find your mug in the cabinet" she apologizes, looking over at Dr. Reid and rolling her eyes. Now I know he can hear me from his seat, he takes that moment to sip from my mug and place it gently back on his desk.

It hadn't taken long for him to start toying with me. It was always stupid childish things. Things I couldn't get genuinely annoyed at, that would give him far too much satisfaction, knowing he was getting to me in any real way. This was one trick he liked to play if he got into the office before me, he'd take my mug and make his coffee in it, just to spite me I guess.

"Why does he even do that, it's so stale" she said, just a little louder than normal to make sure he could hear. Garcia and Reid were still good friends and team-mates but she liked to stand up for me when she could. He liked to avoid me as much as possible so he'd usually go to Garcia before me if he needed help with something. Even when the two of us were out in the field together. Which was obnoxious but it was just another thing I'd gotten used to over time. And as long as it didn’t interfere with the case I just forced myself to let it go.

"I know it's such low grade bullying isn't it?" I shot back with a chuckle.

"So I'll take it that was Mommy dearest" Penelope gestures to my phone. She knew my Mom, and she knew about her general overbearing energy. I let out a groan thinking about the call again, and the calls that were to come.

"Isn't it always Mommy dearest?" I joke

"So she's still on your ass about the wedding then?" I'm sure Penelope was almost as sick of hearing about it as I was,

"Margot's getting married in like 4 months now, and every time Mom calls there’s just some new hometown loser she wants to set me up with Pen. It's fucking exhausting" I take a sip of the coffee she made me, savoring the bitter taste. She sits down on my desk for a moment, leaning in.

"Honey, did you ever think that if you got out there and found someone, she wouldn't be on your ass at all?" I don't want to think about that, about how she's completely right. All I can do is let out another small groan and lean back down onto my desk.

"Too early Pen" I say, it's muffled by the desk but she gets the message. Hopping up and heading to her own office as some more people start to arrive for the morning.

Leaving me alone to make a start on my paperwork that had built up throughout the week. Fridays were usually slow like this, giving me a little too much time to think. I couldn't shake the thought that my Mom and Penelope were actually right. Maybe I was a bit too invested in the job, and maybe that was a pretty big factor in why my last relationship imploded but I wasn't about to admit that to anyone.

----

After that the day crawls by, thankfully no cases pop up so the weekend might actually be free. Trying to make sure I clear up all of my paperwork takes a little longer than I'd hoped and leaves me alone in the bullpen. It seems like everyone's gone home by the time I've packed up and I'm ready to leave. Which wasn't as out of the ordinary as I'd like it to be really. Everyone else seemed to have somewhere to be on a Friday night.

Waiting for the elevator to arrive my phone started to ring, I could see my Mom's caller ID on the screen. If I just let it go I know she'll call back later, may as well get it out of the way. I take a deep breath in anticipation before I answer.

"Hey what's up?" I answer, stepping inside the elevator as the doors ping open.

"Hi sweetie, I've got good news! Do you remember David? That lovely boy, he helped out your Father that summer in high school?" I know what's coming and rub my temple, trying to stifle the headache I know is coming. As I answer a hand slides between the elevator doors, popping them open again.

Dr. Fucking Reid walks in, and he looks about as happy to see me as I am to see him. I make eye contact and look away just as fast, willing him away with my mind. "Yes Mom, I remember him, why are you telling me this?" I already know the answer but I'm fed up, she still sounds excited when she responds.

"Well you won't believe it! I ran into him at the market this morning and I thought you'd like it if I passed on your phone number to him, maybe for the weddi-" it took all I had not to shout into the receiver, and maybe I would've had the elevator been empty.

"Mom! Jesus!" I have to reign myself in, but I have a bad idea, "You know what, I'm actually sorted. I've got a date lined up now" I'm not sure why I said it with no real plan in place. She sounds even more excited than I've ever heard her.

"Oh my, that's amazing sweetie! That was fast, I can't believe you found one since this morning, it's someone from work so?" she assumes, and I'm just not thinking fast enough to correct her.

"Mmhmm, yeah" I'll figure out the logistics later I rationalize.

"Oh! Is it that boy you're always on about, the one who teases you?" she asks, and her voice is full of joy, and it makes me feel horrible that I'm lying already, and that I'm going to let her down.

"Yup, that's the one, look Mom I gotta go, I'll talk to you later! Night" I blurt out so fast it has to be obvious I'm nervous.

I can hear a stifled chuckle behind me. Fuck. How loud is my phone speaker. Could he hear that. Surely not. But this elevator was completely silent. The doors open and I have to stop myself from running to my car at top speed. Instead I walk out just a little faster than normal, turning around to shoot him a small wave goodbye. And he's got this devious smirk on his face that makes my stomach turn.

Sitting into my car I pull out my phone to text Garcia immediately.

I'm on my way to yours right now. It's urgent.

——

Traffic's light so it takes maybe 10 minutes before I arrive at Garcia's place. My mind's racing and my body takes me there on autopilot. Why did I say any of that, why did I even answer the damn phone. Why did I wave goodbye to Spencer, I never usually did that. Maybe that's why he had that look on his face. Maybe he was just thinking of something funny that happened earlier and it had nothing to do with me at all. That was something he'd do to mess with me for sure.

How was I going to walk this back with my Mom, she was just gonna have more questions that I couldn't answer. Fuck.

Garcia buzzed me up and her door was open for me by the time I got up the stairs. This little purple apartment had become my second home. It was where I spent most of my evenings off, laughing on the same sofa I was collapsing face first into right now. Garcia nestles in beside me and runs her hand over my hair, "Hey sweet pea, what's happening? I don't want to sound too concerned but you're not giving me much to go off? Are you dying, is there drama? You're going to have to tell me what's so urgent before I burst a blood vessel?"

I let out a muffled, "is drahmuh" into the pillow, Garcia shakes my shoulders.

"Sit up babe, damn!" I have to heave myself out of the pillows, sitting upright on the sofa beside her, clutching one of the pillows in my arms.

"It's drama" I repeat,

"Well, out with it then, you know I'll take all the drama I can get! Spill, spill" she rushes me along. I'm already apprehensive, Reid's her coworker too, but if anyone would understand why this was such an issue it was gonna be her.

"Okay, I'm after doing something stupid and I think I really need your advice" I cringe already, thinking back to the elevator, throwing out my words faster, I continue the story, mostly trying to get it over with, "my Mom called again when I was on the way out tonight and she was trying to set me up with this guy, and Reid was there, and I got all flustered, and I told her I had a date already" I throw my head down into the pillow again.

"Wait why was Reid there?" she looks like she's trying to fit puzzle pieces together and she's getting nowhere, "And what's the drama?"

"Shit Garcia, it was in the elevator and it was all quiet, and maybe he heard the call, maybe he didn't but he had this fuckin' look on his stupid face" I can't shake the smug little smirk, it's burned inside my eyelids. Garcia's face falls in what looks like disappointment.

"Ugh Y/N! That's nothing chill out, why does it matter if he heard your call? I know you guys are all weird but none of that is any of his business anyway!" she shoo's her hand in the air, dismissing the whole situation.

"No Garcia, it is his business now" I have to close my eyes when I say it, I can't look at her "I told my Mom that he was my date, well, I didn't say his name or anything, she assumed it was someone from work and so I just agreed, and then she suggested that it was him and then I fucking panicked Pen, I fucked up so bad. What do I do?"

I finally opened my eyes to look up at Garcia. She was sitting in pure silence, pursing her lips in what seemed like contemplation. The puzzle pieces finally slotting together. It's as though a light bulb goes off behind her eyes and she bursts out in fits of laughter. Doubling over on herself before finally taking a few breaths to calm herself down. I'm honestly not sure why she finds the whole thing so funny, she know's how needlessly annoying he's made my life, she's seen it first hand and heard me talk about it over and over again in this very apartment over pizza.

"Garcia, this is not fucking funny! This is serious!" I try to calm her down, I need advice not whatever this is.

"I'm so sorry Y/N, I love you dearly. But this isn't funny, this is hilarious. It's like you're Sandra Bullock in some mid-90's rom com. I love it" I don't love it, in fact I hate it. I nearly snap at her but pull myself back.

"Pen, come on, help me out. What do I do with this, how do I fix it?" I plead.

She stops laughing and pulls out her phone, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'm going to order us a pizza, and we're gonna sort this thing out together, sound good?" I just nod and collapse back into the sofa. I think I feel better now that I've gotten it out in the open.

----

Penelope makes us tea while we wait for the pizza, she keeps lemon & ginger in her cabinet for me, just like I keep mint for her. The warm mug and the steam calm me down. After a few minutes alone to think about it I start to figure it out a little better. I figure I can just lie to my Mom for a while, it might suck but I can pretend for a bit and then make up some excuse as to why he can't come closer to the time. Then I can just bring Garcia instead and everyone's happy. I'm about to float my plan to her there's a knock on her door. I was so caught up that I hadn't really noticed quite how starving I'd gotten. Leaping up of the sofa to grab the door.

I swing it open but it's not the pizza guy. Somehow it's the opposite of the pizza guy, my worst nightmare is on the other side of the door. He must notice my eyes blow completely wide. "Y/N!" he says, more of a statement than a question really, like he's telling himself that he's actually seeing me in the doorway. I'm not as gentle.

"What the fuck are you doing here Reid?!" I can't even disguise my anger. He seems a little flustered, like he's got absolutely no idea how to proceed.

"Um, uh, is Garcia here? I can, um, I can just come back later?" he swallows hard and shakes his head, before I can agree and tell him to get lost Penelope races to the door, pulling it wide open.

"Nope, that won't be necessary Doctor! Come on in, you're right on time sweetheart" she waves him in and he walks past me, his demeanor changing almost instantly. He's smug, like he's won whatever battle this was. And I hate it. Though he's still as confused as me despite the newfound attitude. Reid sits down on the sofa, right where I had been sitting. I bite my tongue and sit on the opposite end.

"Are you okay Garcia?" he asks with a genuine concern, "What's going on, what was the emergency?". He's not stupid, he knows she's not in danger now that he's here. But he wants answers. I don't know that I've ever seen him this confrontational with anyone, well anyone but me. The entire time I’m staring her down as she sits in the armchair opposite the two of us. My keys are in my pocket and my car's right outside. I could just jump up and make a break for it. Escape.

"You know what Doc, you won't believe it but I'm not actually the one with the emergency" she takes a beat, and I'm starting to think that I might understand why people murder other people after all these years, "Y/N has something urgent she needs to talk to you about" she's silent for another moment, and she almost looks giddy, "Actually Spencer, you might already know a little something about the matter already, now that I think about it" she smirks, and it's pure joy.

My keys are in my hand ready to bolt when the doorbell chimes again. "Oh, that'll actually be the pizza this time, if you two will excuse me" she hops up out of the armchair and races to the door, leaving the two of us alone in a horrible silence. The tension is almost too much, I want to speak but I really have no idea what to say, or how to even start saying it. But he starts.

"Y/N what's going on, I feel like I'm out of the loop here? What am I missing?" he asks, and there's something uncharacteristically genuine about the way he says it, but he can't turn to look at me as he speaks. I almost want to let my guard down and just have a conversation but I can’t force myself to do it. "Shut up Reid." is all I mutter, folding my arms across my chest.

He turns sharply on the sofa to face me. "Hey Y/N. Believe it or not I'm about as happy as you with whatever kind of Parent Trap situation Garcia's got going on here. But from what I'm picking up on you've got a problem and I'm supposed to be able to help with it. So do you want to tell me what's going on or not? I can just go?" I can see that there's an anger bubbling right below the surface, threatening to burst. I know I shouldn't but I let him stew in silence for a little too long and he jumps up off the sofa.

"Y'know what, typical" he mutters, rolling his eyes as he says it, "this is all about you." he throws his bag over his shoulders and begins to walk towards the door. Something in me just snaps.

"All about me?! Are you fucking kidding? I've been tip-toeing around you for years, ever since I joined this damn unit!" I shout as Garcia comes back into the room, pizza box and plates in her hands.

"So, who's hungry?" Garcia asks, trying to break the tension, or pretending there's no tension at all. Reid shakes his head in disbelief and rubs his temple before he speaks again, "Actually I was just gonna head out" he gestures to the door, "I'm clearly not wanted here so I'm gonna leave you guys to it." Spencer makes a move to leave but Garcia grabs the strap of his shoulder bag, yanking him back ever so slightly before he really has the chance to escape.

"You are going absolutely nowhere kid" She points back to the sofa, "get back there" she glances to me, staring with far too much intensity. "You too, sit." Her voice is more stern than I've ever heard it, even while we were on a case. I can't help but obey her command and I sit back down on the sofa in silence. Followed by Reid, clearly processing the same uneasy feeling of a serious Penelope.

She sits opposite the two of us again. "Y/N, Spencer, I love the two of you with all of my heart, albeit separately, and I would die for either one of you. But you've got to chill the hell out!" she says it like she's had it bottled up forever. The tension that releases from her as she says it looks euphoric.

She opens up the pizza box and lays it on the coffee table and takes out a slice for herself. Taking a bite she leaves the two of us in stunned silence. Once she finishes the mouthful she turns to me specifically, "Y/N you tell him, or I will." dead serious. And the feeling in my belly is like I've just fallen down an elevator shaft.

My stomach is in knots as I turn to Spencer on the sofa next to me. His face is puzzled and I think I might be able to make out pure terror in his expression. I don't know that I've ever been looked at like this before and my stomach screws up tighter. I have to take a deep breath and I can't believe I'm about to say it. "Fuck it" I have to take another breath almost immediately so I just have to force the rest out, "I don't know if you heard the call I was on while we were in the elevator earlier?" I look up to gauge his reaction and I can see his face relax, and worse than that, one corner of his mouth lifts into a sort of smile. It's a look of pure smug satisfaction and I think I might scream. I have to close my eyes because I really don't think I can look at that face as I say the next part.

"My sister is getting married in a few months and my Mom's been on my ass to find a date for the wedding and she keeps trying to set me up with these losers, so I fucking panicked, and I told her you were my date." by the time the sentence is out my eyes have screwed up so tight it feels like I have to pry them open.

He sits in silence for too long. Thinking, maybe?

"So I'm the boy who teases you then?" he grins. So he did hear. And he did laugh. He looks far too self satisfied. Now he knows he's right. He knows I've talked to my Mom about him, that he's gotten in my head. I can tell from his smile that he's savoring the moment. Mostly because I can't slap the smug smile off his face I drop my head into my hands. In an effort to disappear I guess.

"So," he says, taking a moment, "is that all you wanted to say then?" he asks, lighthearted and obnoxious, back to his usual self. I snap back to reality, shooting my head back up.

"What do you mean is that all?" I throw back genuinely shocked,

"Is that all you had to say Y/N? Can I go now? It's a long bus ride home y'know" he smirks but makes no effort to move. He can't possibly be making me do this.

"Well no, obviously!" I stutter, "I mean, are you, will you, uh?" I can't bring myself to say it out loud. He leans in on the sofa looking directly at me, refusing to break eye contact.

"Did you have something you wanted to ask me Y/N?" I just want to smack that fucking look off his face,

"Fuck you Spencer Reid" I almost whisper under my breath, but Garcia snaps me back to reality.

"Hey!" she looks at me, stern again, "Ask him." it's not a question, or a suggestion, it's a command.

"Fine okay" I scrunch my eyes up again, "Will you come to my sisters wedding with me as my fake boyfriend?" I curl up into myself as I say it, I can almost feel the bile rising up from my stomach. Like I'm having a biological reaction to the whole thing.

Reid crosses his arms and sinks back on the sofa, like he's performing the act of thinking. He's considering my offer to make me squirm.

When he finally speaks he says "Well I would Y/N, but I really fail to see what's in it for me" he's after getting cocky now.

Garcia pipes up, excited, "Oh, Oh! I know! I have an idea!" she interjects, "Spencer remember how a while ago, back after your apartment flooded you were all all worried about your antique books and prints and stuff?" he nods, "Well Y/N could digitize the collection for you as a back up? I know you're a technophobe? C'mon Y/N, you know you could do that no sweat, and it would take you a lifetime alone Spencer?" I really don't want to admit it but she's right. Even I knew Reid was adverse to any technology that wasn't vital, but it was your specialty. And maybe that was a good trade off, a job like that would be near impossible for him to pull off without help. I take a glance over at Reid and he seems to have had the same train of thought as me. He lets out an exaggerated sigh and relaxes his posture.

"Fine, I guess that's a fair trade. I'm in." he resigns and I almost can't believe it. I'm barely processing the whole conversation as he sticks his hand out to me, I'm confused for a second before I grab it and shake it firmly. Condemning myself to whatever's about to happen. And it's not the time to be thinking about it but maybe this is the first time Spencer and I have ever touched? But I shove that thought away.

Garcia's positively beaming and she's not even trying to hide it. "Now it's like you're both in a Sandra Bullock movie, oh, but you're Hugh Grant maybe?" she points to Reid.

"Don't push it" I shoot in her direction, taking a slice of pizza, now that my anxiety stomach has sort of passed.

Once the pizza's been eaten in near completely awkward silence Spencer stands up off the sofa. His unsure demeanor has returned and he looks nervous. "I actually should get going this time" he says but Garcia pipes up to protest,

"No, it's not even late!"

"It takes me a while to get back home, thank you though Pen. For... this?" he gestures to the whole living room, "Night" he waves. He's almost made it to the door before I stand up out of my seat. I'm not really sure what comes over me, maybe it's gratitude, maybe it's guilt, or maybe I'm just exhausted.

"Wait Spencer. Let me give you a ride home?" I ask and it's like it's not even me saying it .

"Thanks, but I think I can make it home just fine" he dismisses, and there’s an antagonizing tone in his voice that snaps me right back to our usual rapport.

"I'm trying to do a nice thing here, fuck! Just let me do something nice!" I snap, and he throws his arms up in surrender.

"Fine alright, if it'll make you feel better"

"Fuck you Reid" I mutter under my breath and I sort of hope that he does hear me really. If he's gonna be hostile about this I can be too. I give Garcia a hug goodbye but I'm going to scold her for this whole thing later.

----

I lead the way outside and climb into my car, Spencer hops into the passenger seat and it feels as strange as always to be alone with him. Especially because it's not an accident, and it's not in work. Maybe this was a horrible idea. He seems like he's unwilling to break the silence, so I just get it over with.

"Where the hell do you live man? I'm gonna need directions." I say, as deadpan as I can muster, which probably isn't all that intimidating.

"Sorry, yeah, so you're gonna want to turn on the ignition" he teases. I definitely wasn't intimidating enough.

"Don't push it" I say, turning to give him a cruel stare, he just reacts with a smirk, that same one from the elevator earlier.

"Oh, I'm pushing it?" he asks, feigning disbelief

"I'll kick you out of this damn car" is all I can think to say. He barely responds, he just lets out a soft chuckle. I want to ask 'what's so funny' but he speaks before I can get the words out.

"I can't believe you talk to your Mom about me" he continues to laugh. That's enough.

"You know what Reid, of course I have! I work with actual murderers on a daily basis and somehow you've been the only real source of friction in my life since I joined the BAU!" He stops giggling a little, but not entirely, he looks like he's making an effort to contain himself.

"I'm sorry. I guess I just never knew I got to you like that" he still finds the whole thing amusing, but I sure as hell don't.

"Directions, now" I demand, looking straight out the front windshield.

"Fine, keep going straight on this road for a while and I'll tell you when to turn" he says, finally playing nice.

The two of us drive silently for most of the journey, the radio playing softly in the background. Eventually we arrive outside his building, and it's nicer than I thought it would be. But I have no idea what I was really basing that on. For some reason it hadn't occurred to me that Dr. Reid lived in an actual home, I had pictured him sleeping upside down in a cave maybe, or in a cryogenic chamber with all the other life-like genius robots.

"So," he says, breaking the silence, "When is this wedding?"

"4 months from now, in and around" I respond, matter of factly. Spencer nods, taking it in.

"Alright, so I've got 4 months, in and around, to learn enough to convincingly pass as your loving boyfriend. Doesn't sound so difficult." he jokes, his tone harsh and sarcastic.

"Look Spencer, I know this is insane and honestly kind of stupid. But in all seriousness, you can back out right now if you're not on board with whatever this is. I'm telling you this is the last exit ramp." I try to say it with sincerity, giving him a genuine out if he's not comfortable with the weird set-up that Penelope pulled on us both. He thinks on it for a moment and shakes his head.

"So how are we gonna do this?" he asks, and I really thought he was going to back out. So I don't have an actual answer.

"Well, I uh, I haven't really given a plan much thought. How about I come over and start working on some of the stuff you want digitized like Garcia mentioned and I can use the time to give you the footnotes on my life?" I suggest, at least that would make it easier to knock things out all at once. Rather than having to spend even more of my free time with Reid than necessary. He looks content with the improvised plan.

"Alright, sounds good." he undoes his seatbelt and opens the door to hop out of the car before turning back to me, "Are you coming inside or what?"

— —

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[dirtycccat]

the demon bros+ undateables showing their love

thought about this for 5 min then had to write it out so enjoy

lucifer

first off you notice he treats you differently

and by differently i mean like you’re his favorite child  sibling

you get away with anything??? and he’s softer with you than with the others (which is canon)

then you see that?? he keeps buying you stuff you said you wanted when he was present

and you’re ofc impressed

but you’re more impressed by how open he’s around you

he’ll leave most of his walls down around  you

which means you’ll get to experience unfiltered lucifer

he’ll laugh around you more, make dumb dad jokes, nap with his head in your lap, complain drunkenly about his work and bros, give you sloppy cheeks and forehead kisses

you find it rly cute though

if you’re in the human world he’ll 100% take this chance to send you beautifully written letters asking you how you are and leaving some verses that reminded him of you on the back like a 19th century vampire

“dear mc, how is your life? mine is filled with woe and unease since i do not  have the light of my life around anymore...anyway here’s a poem about being horny and alone by a 18th century romantic author hope to see you soon, xoxo lucifer”

you try to respond in the same way and send him memes on the back instead of  poetry (or real poetry depends on your mood)

mammon

protective of you 100% will throw hands with anyone that even glances weirdly your way

but also wants to show you off? like look at this human!!! this is MY human!!!

gives you random thoughtful gifts that reminded him of you

wants to be around you 24/7 so he invites you to all the events that he thinks you’ll like

you wanna party? perfect. you wanna go on a weird ghost stories tour around the city? cool. you wanna waltz in one of those old people parties? he’s already reserved two tickets. you just wanna lay around and nap? he’s already on your lap.

it doesn’t matter if you’re in a romantic relationship or not this man WILL serenade you outside your window

rapunzel style with an acoustic guitar or with a boombox like a rebel 80s kid

anyway here’s toxic by britney spears babe this is for YOU

levi

considers you his bff ofc

but also at first he’s still really awkward around you and doesn’t really know what to do for you and feels bad thinking only you do things for him

until you reassure him you enjoy just being around him so it’s fine

he blushes and starts inviting you more to his room to game/ watch stuff

at some point he starts buying two tickets to all concerts he goes to and invites you along

but also? he asks you what you’re into and starts marathoning your favorite animes/ movies/ series so he can talk with you abt them

you feel really moved that he’d do that for you???  like??? bruh...

your relationship is basically friends respecting each other and wanting to know each other the best through their passions even if it means getting into some weird shit

it’s rly wholesome tho

if you’re romantically involved he’ll totally do roleplay as your favourite character and you do the same for him and it’s really cute

also imagine: artistic collabs. you make fanart together??? you can program games together???? you do cosplay together??? the possibilities...

satan

he’ll hate to be compared to his dad brother but he does show how much he trusts you by showing his unguarded side too

when he first talked about lucifer without the filter of his nice guy persona you were pretty shocked

like he was really going at it

but then you realize? he’s just like that when he’s comfortable

and it’s not all mean spirited, he just has,,, a strong personality and a lot of opinions about stuff (which you sometimes share with him)

but you also found out it’s really fun to gossip with satan

since he knows all the juicy gossip from his multitude of ties (he’s sharing the title of gossip queen with asmo that’s why they get along so well tbh)

also if you even find a teacher you hate he’ll tell you all their embarrassing moments to make you feel better

he also recommends you books and poems and sends you quotes that made him think about you

so you sure as heck don’t need to buy books while you’re in the devildom bc he’ll buy you an entire library 

asmo

compliments you without comparing you to himself which is the highest compliment he can give

like mammon he’s more into the showing everyone his favorite human around while also protecting them

he’ll take you to his parties and gatherings as a guest of honor, he’ll make you meet all kinds of people and open up opportunities for you

he’ll be the one that pampers you

you’d think lucifer is the sugar daddy of the family but nope it’s asmo

he’ll buy you cute clothes, shoes, beauty products everything that he saw and imagined would look bomb on you

if you’re not into clothes he’ll buy you art supplies, books, anything you want but he’ll still probably  buy you at least some clothes he thinks are cute

if you’re romantically involved,,,, he’ll buy other toys for you as well which you can try together wink wink

beel

cooks for you

no questions asked when it’s his turn to cook he’ll think about what YOU would like to eat first before making something

which is??? really touching coming from beel

and also means sometimes he’ll make the same dish three weeks in a row and annoy the others while you just get excited bc ??? you get to eat your favourite dish??? again and again???? 

thank you beel you truly know how to touch someone’s insides

also opens up to you and talks to you about his fears and thoughts

expect to get 4 am msgs from beel if he had a nightmare

which would end up in you coming to cuddle him (and belphie also joins sometimes)

which tbh is that even a thing you can complain about?

belphie

is more baby less murder when you’re around

naps on your lap, naps on your shoulder, naps with you anywhere

but also let’s you nap on HIM

besides being soft around you he actually opens up to you too

and talks to you about his traumas and issues

which he has in common with his twin what can you do

so you have weekly cuddle parties with him and beel where you talk about shit and actually make them resolve their issues instead of just,,, ignoring them

also if you’re into each other you probably tease each other and flirt really shamelessly in public while the others cringe and or blush at your language

are you a cowboy? because i want you to ride me all night 

simeon

writes you fancy letters with poetry like lucifer, but his ink is scented and  his envelopes contain pressed flowers more often than not

if you’re together you even do letter sexting if you’re into it

creates characters based on you in his stories (which you don’t believe even if levi points out you that the two of you are kinda similar)

asks you to spend more and more time with him and luke

invites you to picnics, reads to you while your head is in his lap, cooks you snacks

if you’re a theatre kid too,,, you do musical love confessions too,,, sometimes by just reciting the lyrics of really popular musical theatre songs in a death panned voice

cough a heart full of love from les mis but read like poetry through the fence of the house of lamentation cough

asks you cryptic shit hannibal style like “tell me mc what does it mean to want to be consumed whole by another? is it a desire to become something bigger than yourself or is it related to our need to become one with our loved one like some cultures pointed out before?”

you’re either really into his cryptid talk or just roll your eyes and smooch him

diavolo

invites you around to his castle all the time

sometimes he even pulls some weird shenanigans just to make you spend more time with him

expect tea parties with him luci and barbatos in no particular combination

gives you compliments 24/7  even in public

remember how he treats lucifer? he’s that for you too but he’s learned from the lucifer experience to focus on complimenting you as a person more than how you look

if you’re into pda he’ll touch you all the time

if you ever wanted a gomez - morticia romance, here’s your goth big titty himbo that’s way too full of love

if you’re lovers expect to be pampered, i feel like? he doesn’t buy a lot of gifts and such because he’s probably tired of material things but he will make time in his busy schedule for you and spend a lot of time with you

which means more to him than gifts

(we will buy you anything you ask though)

barbatos

actually talks with you about stuff outside rad, the demon bros and diavolo

also invites you to alone time tea or wine time

where you drink and gossip

if satan and asmo are the crowned queens of gossip barbatos is the king of gossip but he doesn’t share his knowledge to most people so nobody knows what he knows

but he knows,,,, a lot

and not only that he knows a lot about people nowadays,,, but imagine the things he knows about like historical figures and such,,, 

so prepare for story time with barbatos where he  talks about how oscar wilde was almost summoned by drunk inccubi during a party once, or how  diavolo cried when he was a kid because he sent a letter to caravaggio asking him to paint his portrait and he said no

also if you get drunk together expect really energetic talkative barbatos destroying DESTROYING everyone (except diavolo ofc)

“lucifer please i once saw you crying because you thought diavolo was ignoring you when you actually forgot to press the send button to your messages ”

if you’re romantically involved diavolo will always be first in his hear but that just means you’ll have to invite diavolo along on your dates which  just means you’ve got a new lover and a new bff

solomon 

he invites you on all kinds of wacky adventures

you  visit witches, go to weird magical forest parties or orgies if you want, you go travelling the mountains for rare herbs

it’s like you’re faust and he’s mephisto  haha the irony and he’s showing you another side of the world you never knew 

ofc the others know about all this but??? they thought it’s normal and didn’t even consider you know nothing about it

but solomon knows what it was like to be just a human

and since he likes you he empathizes with your situation

he also make you meet all kinds of people

since he has 72 contracts and hundreds of years of doing wack stuff he must know some interesting people

and now his friends are your friends 

i feel like romantic solomon would be just him?? but less shady with you especially since now you understand him better 

but also he’ll probably bring you weird shit from his alone expeditions

did you ever want the tears of a mermaid? a carnivorous plant that feeds on emotions? a crying portrait? no? well too bad because now you have a room full of weird items

...that you love and treasure thank you very much

[charliedawn]

How would they react if you ask them to dance?

Freddy :

"Heck yeah !"

Freddy is one of the only slasher that is musically cultured. He can spot good hard rock from a mile away. He is a rock and roll fan to the end. Just, put on any hard rock song and you will see his eyes literally sparkle in delight. He would dance with you until the end of the night. Literally.

" Come on darling, let me turn your world upside down !"

He would pretend having a guitar in his hands and laugh while shaking his head up and down with the rhythm. In rare moments, he would actually forget where he is and start singing with the lyrics.

"~She's got a smile that it seems to me

Reminds me of childhood memories

Where everything was as fresh as the bright blue sky

Now and then when I see her face

She takes me away to that special place

And if I stare too long, I'd probably break down and cry..."

Surprisingly, Freddy has a great voice and, when given the opportunity, will make the slashers enjoy a live concert of his. In those moments, not even Pennywise dares make fun of Freddy. Freddy understands your love for old music, and god, does he got the moves ! You swear that when he is dancing, you forget all about who he is and who you are. If you weren't dancing before, you certainly are now. 😂

Surprisingly enough, Arthur would not join right away. He would first see you dance and enjoy himself watching you having fun with the other slashers. But once he is sure that nobody will judge him ? He will join and dance to his heart content. Many people have ways to express themselves, hobbies that help them de-stress..But unfortunately for the slashers, that hobby was mostly killing people. You try to make them see that they can do the same in many different ways. Joker, however, is a very special case, because he actually tried to escape with dance and jokes..People destroyed his dreams. Now, you have to help him get back his hope and the dreams he lost. The first step to do that ? Make him remember what he loved, before becoming the Joker.

" Why do you want to make me believe in something that is gone ?"

" Because I believe in you, Arthur."

He waited for someone to actually believe in him for so long that he can't help but cry at your words. He would then take you for a dance and make you laugh for the rest of the night. He doesn't mind you old-fashioned taste, as he prefers old songs as well, especially the catchy ones.

" Dance ?! Dancing ! Yesss !"

Penny screams while throwing his hands in the air. He loves dancing. It was the only thing he had when he was alone and penniless. He was dancing in the street in his old clown costume, hoping for some generous souls to find him entertaining. However, when he became Penny, his dance became the last thread of his old life he hanged on to. It may have been a way to lure his victims in as well, but it was also much more for Penny. He loves dancing. He is also very good at it, being a very flexible person with a great creativity. His dance may look childish at first, but it's only because he never got the proper training. You asked the hospital to give him some lessons, but unfortunately, they didn't want the dance teacher to become dinner. This is how you had gotten the idea of Friday's dancing nights. It allows the bond between the slashers to strengthen and for Penny to learn more about what he loves.

" Penny dances ! Penny is so happy !"

Well, just make sure he has the dance floor to himself, as you wouldn't want any of the slashers to receive a slap or a kick on accident..He doesn't really care about the music, as long as he can dance on it.

Dance ? What is dance ? When he sees you and the other slashers dance, it makes him think of those teenagers at Crystal lake. He is not too fond of dancing. He will however stare at you and sometimes, even nod his head up and down with the music if he likes it. But, if you try to make him dance with the others ? He will freeze. He is not used to dancing and never cared enough to learn. For a long time, it had only been his mother and him, therefore he hasn't had the chance to make friends or open up enough to dance at parties. He likes watching though. Most of the time, he will stay with Five or Michael, the only ones to understand his predicament. Plus, he doesn't know or understand most of the songs you're playing. He tried to ask you what they meant, but most of the words you used to answer him only made him more confused. Love ? Hope ? Loss ? He doesn't understand them. However, he does understand grief and sorrow. Those are feeling he can relate with as he felt them when he lost his father. When a sad song comes in, he will pay more attention and feel a tug in his chest.

" My boy. You have to live your life as you intended. Don't let anyone tell you what you should or shouldn't feel. One day, the ones who bullied you and called you names will see how amazing you truly are."

The words of his father echo in his head as he listens to the music. He has nearly forgotten about his face, but his voice is still with him, advising him wherever he goes. He just never took the time to listen to him until now. He always thought that his mother was everything he needed, that she was the only one who loved him, but maybe was he wrong after all ? Maybe other people could accept him ?

*internal panic*

He knows how to dance, that's not the problem. It's just that it's been so long that he's afraid he's gotten a bit rusty. This is why you will most likely find him hidden in a corner, watching over you all. At this point, he is more likely to play the role of the quiet big brother who is making sure none of his siblings accidently hurt themselves or have too much to drink. However, if you really insist, he will try to enter the game and make a few tentative steps on the dance floor. But, dont expect too much of him. He is embarrassed enough as it is. However, he will help in the kitchen if you need to bake something of prepare some snacks for the slashers. Another thing to know about Michael, is that unlike Jason that doesn't mind raising his mask a little to eat or drink, Michael will prefer to wait until everybody is gone or asleep before letting himself do the same. He is very keen on his mask and doesn't want anyone to see him without it. So, maybe prepare a little space away from prying eyes for him to have intimacy ? As for the music, he doesn't mind. Everything is fine with him.

Unlike Penny, Pennywise is not that much of a dancer. Penny is a dancing clown, Pennywise is a grouchy clown. He would rather be sarcastic all evening than partaking in the fun. However, something that he is good at is inflating balloons. He will help organize the party and will try to entertain Penny as much as he can. Pennywise may not be a dancing clown, but he cares about Penny. Penny is the closest to family he has left, and even though he would never admit it, he would do anything for him. He is protective of him and if it meant making Penny happy ? He wouldn't mind playing the clown for a night.

" Stop looking at me like that. I'm not gonna dance. You can't make me. Invite Penny instead. He's far more excited to make a fool of himself than me.."

He would reply when you invite him to dance. He doesn't care about the songs, as long as they don't have any curses in them. He loves cursing, but he doesn't want Penny to follow his example. He wants him to keep the little innocence he has left.

(couldn't find a gif with Five, so imagine it's Five in the second gif.)

He will not dance. Not even if you beg him. He will be happy if you leave him alone with the drinks. He will mostly stay with Michael and drown his bad mood in alcool and most likely complain.

"Goddammit. Can't we have decent whiskey in here ?!"

However, if you really insist and he has enough alcool in his system ? He may follow you and make some moves on the dance floor. Maybe.

" I swear you all suck. It seems I'll have to step up to level the game. It's not because I'm having fun or I like any of you, it's just because you bunch of idiots can't differentiate good dancing and monkey dancing."

Five got many classes on how to be the perfect spy while being trained. Let's say that there were some more enjoyable classes than others. He knows how to dance as a result and will steal the dancefloor when given the chance.

[spacedikut]

starstruck ; spencer reid

pairing: spencer reid (criminal minds) x f!reader

summary:  “Can I request some age gap Spencer x reader. Maybe he’s nervous about approaching her for a relationship bc she’s younger, but he’s so goofy for her it’s he’s in love obvious. Pretty pls 🥺💕” 5222 words

a/n: i didn’t specify ages cause i wasn’t sure what people would be comfortable with so i just mentioned an age gap and leave the rest up to you!! i would happily date someone twice my age but i also have daddy issues so :)

masterlist

The day has finally arrived.

Mollie can call you a nerd all she wants, but you know the second she lays eyes on Derek Morgan or Emily Prentiss she’ll change her tune.

This event has been in the university’s calendar since the beginning of the semester. At least two members of the FBI Behavioural Analysis Unit were promised to give a talk about their department, even taking you through a solved case like an interactive documentary, to encourage students to consider joining the academy post-graduation. There was whispers they’d even stick around after to answer some questions.

Your other friend, Jen, the one that understands your excitement, wrote your names down for tickets immediately. You’ve had a countdown on your phone ever since.

“They’ve announced a last-minute guest,” She beams, just as giddy as you. You’re wasting time at the coffee house near the auditorium, waiting for Mollie to arrive.

“Oh, really? Who?”

“Doctor Spencer Reid.”

You almost drop your cookie in shock and stare at her, pupils blown.

“You’re a big fan?” She smirks.

As nonchalantly as you can, you lean back in your chair, “I’m a fan of his work, yes.”

“Oh, his work?”

“Don’t start.”

“I bet you love his work.”

“He’s well-versed and his papers are super interesting-“

“His papers are super interesting-“

“You are a child.”

Just then, Mollie appears, checking her watch. You wish you could kiss her in thanks for saving you from the teasing that would likely never end. “We’re gonna be late for your morbid seminar if you two don’t stop bickering.”

Jen downs the rest of her drink, you shove the last of the cookie in your mouth. Mollie watches your excitement in amusement – your heart starts pumping, whole body buzzing, the same nervousness you felt when you were a preteen right before your first ever One Direction concert. It’s the kind of nervousness that makes your palms sweaty.

Is it evolution or devolution to go from sweating over One Direction to sweating over FBI profilers?

+++

The seminar goes on for an hour, including the questions people ask throughout. It’s everything you could’ve asked for, entertaining and so, so informative and although you weren’t considering joining the FBI before, suddenly it’s all you can think about. Guest speakers have that affect, don’t they? They make you wonder if you should drastically change everything you’ve been planning.

Even Mollie, who you had to threaten to tag along, ended up enjoying herself. “Maybe I learnt a thing or two,” She’d said, rolling her eyes playfully.

You and your friends are some of the last to leave. There’s quite the bustling outside, which you assume is just post-seminar chatter, but you and Jen falter in your steps when you see the exact profilers that had been onstage several minutes ago in front of you, happily interacting and talking to fellow students.

“Oh, man,” Jen whispers, her and Mollie making eye contact across you. “I have to see if I can talk to Emily.”

Mollie encourages her with a frantic, “Go! Go!” while you’re rooted in place. Mollie jabs you with a pointed nail, “You in there, Y/N? I’m sure you have loads of questions for them-“

You stutter and shake your head, “N-no. I’m good. You can try and hit on Derek, if you want.”

You give a half-attempt at a smile, barely lifting the corners of your lips. Mollie recognises that look. She wants to stay with you, check you’re not too overwhelmed, but you shoo her away and send her towards Derek. You breathe a sigh of relief – you’ve been friends with her long enough that she knows when you need space.

There’s something about seeing people you admire so abruptly that totally throws you for a loop. All you had prepared for was seeing them from afar and subsequently talking about it forever, but nothing beyond that. In some circumstances, it’d be a pleasant surprise, but for someone that struggles around strangers and especially around people as admirable as profilers, you are not mentally prepared for this and have therefore shut down.

But then you see him.

He’s shuffling in place in the corner of the room, close to a large potted plant like it’s his only friend. He’s nibbling his lip as his eyes flutter around, never staying somewhere for longer than a second, looking increasingly uncomfortable.

Why is no one talking to him? He’s Spencer Reid.

There’s a couple of people surrounding Emily, fully entranced by whatever story she’s relaying, another few people around Derek, chortling at a joke he just made. Spencer glances between them and their audiences, and you can’t help but wonder why he isn’t right next to them, chatting away, too.

Does he not want to talk to anyone?

You should talk to him.

No. He probably wants to be alone.

Or what if he doesn’t and no one else is talking to him which means you can have a one-on-one conversation? What about that?

Are you insane?

…

You have to talk to him.

Before you can change your mind, you’re approaching him with a tight grip on the handle of your bag, pushing it higher up your shoulder. He spots you and makes eye contact just as you stop in front of him, and you notice he momentarily tightens his grip on his satchel.

Was this a bad idea?

“Hi,” You breathe, “I’m Y/N. A big fan.”

His eyes widen a fraction, which you don’t understand because why else would you be here, but he smiles nonetheless, “Hi, I’m, uh, Spencer Reid.”

“I know.”

“Yes, you know. That makes sense, because you were in the seminar. I saw you.”

Now you’re shocked. For as long as you can remember you never sit in the centre of a room, where most attention seems to go, so how did he-

“I-I always scan the room I’m in its.. it’s not a creepy thing, I swear. I’m not creepy.”

A laugh escapes you at that, making him visibly relax. “I don’t think you’re creepy. There was just.. a lot of people in there, so I’m surprised you remember my face.” You shrug.

I couldn’t forget such a beautiful face.

You don’t know what happens, but Spencer suddenly tenses up. His back straightens and he looks alarm, stiff.

Did he just think that? What.. why did he think that?

You wonder if you’ve said something wrong, so you try to change the topic.

“I-I have a question, if you don’t mind answering.”

Spencer nods with an of course, and when the question rolls off your tongue, his mind is still reeling from subconsciously calling you beautiful in his head. It’s not untrue, but it feels.. inappropriate. He doesn’t know why. But you are beautiful.

As he scans your face, now much closer than in the auditorium, he realises yeah, you are incredibly beautiful.

You wave a hand in front of his face, “Doctor Reid?”

“Sorry, yes, sorry. What are you studying?”

There’s a light in your eyes that Spencer recognises when you say, “Psychology.”

“Thought so.”

“You probably talk to a lot of psychology students. I-um. I almost went to Caltech,” Spencer raises an eyebrow, "After I read your dissertation, it really inspired me to look into it – your dissertation is incredible, by the way.”

Spencer smiles bashfully, a futile attempt to not allow the grin to overtake his face, and thanks you, “I appreciate it. Actually, I was sixteen when I wrote it.”

“Are you kidding me?!” Your eyes widen, “You’re insane! You’re amazing!”

The praise bursts from you, and his blushing face makes you oddly proud. On the other hand, Spencer feels like you’ve set him alight, his blood pumping loudly in his ears, as he’s unable to tear his eyes away from your smile.

He desperately needs to change the topic.

“To answer your question…”

Derek notices you two interacting across the room. Mollie sees him looking and hums, “Oh, that’s Y/N, my best friend. She really likes Spencer.”

Derek raises an eyebrow, “Looks like he really likes her.”

“Don’t tell her that. She’ll collapse.”

They both watch you for a second, Spencer flailing his arms as he explains, you eagerly adding to his rambling, asking a question here and exclaiming some kind of encouragement there. It’s sweet, Derek thinks.

“Hey..” Mollie begins, a scheming look in her eye, “We’re planning to hang out in the campus bar later. It’s open to all and the drinks are cheap. If you and Emily happen to find yourselves looking for something to do and you drag Spencer along.. I’m sure Y/N would like it.”

“I like the way you think,” Derek says, “I’ll see what I can do.”

+++

“She’s getting hit on. Again.” You giggle, gesturing for Jen to turn around and witness Mollie get your drinks paid for by a random guy.

She’s always been a people person – it’s saved you hundreds on nights out.

All Jen does is glance over her shoulder, scoff, then turn her sceptical eyes to you.

“I saw you and Spencer Reid.” She says, twinkling eyes. She’s trying not to look smug.

“I almost proposed to him.” You joke, taking your drink from Mollie with a mumbled thanks.

“Oh, I bet you did,” She laughs, “You two looked sooo good together.”

“Alright,” You slide a shot to each girl, “I know you’re making fun of me, but I’m taking that compliment and cherishing it. Spencer Reid is cute, what of it?!”

You clink the shot glasses with your friends and down them, all wincing at the taste and giggling at Jen when she takes a gulp of her cocktail to wash away the taste of straight vodka.

“How did talking to Derek and Emily go?”

And then Jen starts chattering away.

You miss the bar door opening behind you, But Mollie notices. She’s been watching the door since they got here, conveniently choosing the table with the best view, just in case some profilers decided to stop by.

Derek catches Mollie’s eye and winks.

“Well I never,” Mollie fakes shock, “Look who just walked through the doors.”

You turn and choke on your drink. Emily and Derek look relax, like they’re home, but Spencer?

He looks just like he did earlier: like there’s a million places he’d rather be.

He’s lost the blazer he was wearing earlier, leaving him in a fitted purple shirt with a matching tie. With the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, you can see his firm hands and the silver watch that rests on his wrist – is it possible for a watch to be sexy? Or maybe it’s just cause he’s sexy?

That shot must be getting to you.

“What the hell are they doing here?” You hiss, a sharp whisper piercing the air as you turn and (terribly) try to hide your face.

But Spencer’s seen you. He spotted you the moment they came in – he recognised your clothes and your hair – and the second he did he turned right back around to exit the bar. Derek’s arm stopped him at his chest, like he does to unsubs, forcefully turning him around and laughing when Spencer tensed up.

“What, Reid? Scared of a pretty girl?” Derek teases, much like he’d been doing since he spoke to you earlier.

“I am scared of college girls, yes. Last time I was in a college bar I was twelve and downed shots of apple juice.”

“What?!” Both Emily and Derek stop short, looks of disbelief at the revelation. “You’ve never mentioned that.”

“It’s embarrassing.”

“We,” Derek places his hands on Spencer’s shoulders, directing him to your table, “Are just gonna have a few drinks and talk to a few people, and then you’re gonna explain that apple juice story in explicit detail- hey ladies!”

Jen and Mollie look overjoyed at the new company, while you stare rigidly with distinctive what the fuck eyes.

“Would you mind if we joined you?” Emily asks, with a sparkling grin that no one could say no to.

“Of course not,” Jen grins, like it’s the most obvious answer.

The empty seat next to you is taken by Spencer (Derek discreetly shoves him) but right before he’s firmly placed on the stool, Emily calls out, “Spence, why don’t you get us some drinks? You still owe us after you lost that game of gin..”

“I didn’t lose.” Spencer huffs indignantly, “You cheated.”

Despite his grunts, he stands to make his way to the bar, but not before-

“Y/N!” Mollie beams, “It’s your turn to get the round, if you’d be so kind.”

You know that look on her face. You hate her, you realise, but you also love her because being alone with Spencer sends a thrill through you.

Alone with Spencer. What the hell are you supposed to say to him?

You follow him to the bar. He leans against it with an awkward smile.

“Hey, Y/N.”

“Hey.”

“It’s uh.. it’s been a long time since we’ve seen eachother.” It’s a half attempt at a joke, followed by instant regret. But then you giggle and everything feels right in the world, even Spencer’s sucky joke.

“It has been a while, Doctor Reid.” You say. The bartender approaches, takes your orders, then you turn to Spencer, “What brings you to a college bar, of all places?”

“Well,” Spencer glances over your shoulder to your table. He makes eye contact with every single person there, all watching you two interact, and they all sharply turn and try to play it off like they’ve been talking casually. Spencer’s brows furrow a little. “Derek said the drinks are cheap and our hotel is only a couple blocks away. I don’t know, maybe Derek likes college girls.”

You laugh again, and Spencer has to take a second to realise you’re not laughing at him but at what he said about Derek. “Yeah, Derek seems like a real ladies man.”

“Oh, you don’t know the half of it.” Spencer grins, “We once timed him to see how long it would take to get a girls number and he did it in five minutes. And he said he was having a bad day.”

The drinks are placed in front of you. Neither of you notice.

You unconsciously lean closer, saying, “Have you timed it to see how long it takes for a girl to approach him? That’s gotta be, like, maybe ten minutes?”

“Eight minutes and twenty-three seconds.”

“Well damn. Has he always been so…” A hand gestures in the air, looking for the word.

“Promiscuous?”

“I was gonna say free.”

“Free?” Spencer giggles, “That’s very nice of you.”

You shrug, “I don’t judge.” Spencer agrees, and it slips out, “What about you?”

You wish you could shove the words back in your mouth. Even more so when his expression changes. You can’t entirely make out what it is, but even in the dimly lit bar you can see the flush of heat that spreads through his cheeks to his ears.

“Are you asking me if I’m free with the ladies?” He murmurs, suppressing a grin.

You give an awkward laugh, wondering if you’ve overstepped a boundary, “Yeah. But that’s kinda weird to ask, so-“

“I’m so popular with the ladies it puts Derek to shame.”

You can’t hide your surprise. “What? Really?”

Spencer caves. “No. Is it that hard to believe I’m a ladies man?”

“Compared to Derek? Yes.”

Spencer scoffs.

+++

“As adorable as they are, it’s been thirty minutes.” Emily sighs. “I want my drink.”

“They’re bonding,” Jen sends a wistful look, “I’m so proud.”

“I’m guessing Y/N isn’t the most social either?” Derek asks, proudly watching you interact.

“She’s the best, just a little shy sometimes.” She smiles at you, even though you can’t see, “She’s an idiot, but our idiot, you know?”

Both Emily and Derek laugh airily, nodding with a, “Yeah, we know.”

At once, three phones vibrate throughout the bar – Emily, Derek and Spencer. They’re instantly filled with disappointment; Derek can’t watch Spencer attempt to flirt with a girl he’s obviously interested in, Emily still hasn’t got a drink, and Spencer has to leave you and he can’t think of anything worse.

He’s clearly hesitant when he looks at his phone. How does he say goodbye? Does he ask for your number? Would that be weird? That would be weird.

“Uhh…”

You channel every ounce of liquid courage you have in your body and offer, “Would it be weird if I gave you my number? Just.. for anything. Anything at all.”

Spencer nods, a gentle look in his eyes and a smile on his face, “Yeah, I’d like that.”

You mumble an alright, accepting Spencer’s phone and creating a new contact for yourself.

Please text me. You think. Please text me.

+++

He doesn’t text.

It’s been a week. A week. You know how cases are, some take longer than others and some are solved in literal hours, but it’s been a week, Spencer goddamn Reid, so why haven’t you texted me.

That’s when the doubt creeps in. Your friends keep telling you he’ll text, that he’s just busy (“He’s an FBI agent, Y/N. If you start dating you’re gonna have to get used to lapses in contact.” To which you’re too distracted choking at the mention of you two dating), but you can’t help but wonder if he took your number simply so he could leave quicker. He had a case to get to, after all. He had people to save.

Now you feel guilty. You forced your number on him, didn’t you? Oh God, he hates you. He hates you and you forced your number on him and he hasn’t texted you because he’s filing a restraining order against you because he hates you.

Mollie tells you you need a nap.

+++

Spencer spends the time on the jet back from the case staring at your number. He has it memorised, of course, and has had it memorised from the first time he read it, of course, but he can’t bring himself to do anything with it.

All he’s done is change your contact picture from the standard first letter of your name to a cute picture of a frog Garcia sent him. It reminds him of you.

Derek lowers his headphones, “You texted her yet, Pretty Boy?”

“Huh? Uh, no. I don’t think I will.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know,” Spencer shrugs, locking his phone and placing it face down. “I don’t think anything would come from it.”

“Kid,” Derek leans forward, eyebrows furrowed, “You two talked for well over thirty minutes in the middle of a college bar about God knows what. Maybe I’m easy to impress, but that seemed pretty special to me.”

“How is talking in a college bar worth anything?”

“Because you’re Reid, who, most of the time, has to be physically dragged into a bar. You hate talking to strangers about anything other than work. Y/N? A stranger. What did you two talk about?”

“We talked about you a little.”

“Uhuh. About how good I am at my job?”

“God, no,” Spencer scrunches his nose, “We talked about your charm with the ladies.”

Derek falls back in his chair and scoffs, “I’m flattered, but that doesn’t sound like work-talk to me. So you’re comfortable with her. I saw you laughing, so she makes you laugh, too. Sounds pretty great to me.”

Spencer stares. Derek’s right, but..

“So what is it, Reid?”

Spencer licks his lips. “Do you think she’s too young for me?”

Derek rarely looks taken aback, but he does now, “Too young?”

“She’s in college. I’m-I’m-“

“A legal adult. As is she.”

Spencer slumps. “A 2014 Current Population Survey found the average difference for a heterosexual couple is two-point-three years, with the man older than the woman. Even if you double that, that’s still less than me and Y/N-“

“Four years isn’t a lot, Spence,”

“You just.. you don’t think it’s weird?”

“No. Do you?”

“No. Yes. I don’t know.”

Derek’s conviction gives Spencer some reassurance, but he can’t help himself when he thinks that.. maybe.. you’ll find him boring. Most people seem to, with all his statistics and figures and facts, but with the added element of you living it up at college.. how could he compete?

“I think you’re worrying over nothing, Reid. You haven’t even texted her, and you’re already worrying about stuff like age gaps?” Derek crosses his hands and looks at Spencer with determination, “She gave you her number. She initiated it. She knows who you are, so she knows how old you are and it doesn’t seem to make her uncomfortable. So, why should it make you?”

Spencer just grunts.

“Are you worried people will say things?”

“I guess.”

“People always say things. You know that better than anyone. So screw ‘em.”

Spencer feels a smile creep onto his face.

And Derek relaxes. He’s planted the seeds, that Spencer is fretting over nothing, now all he’s got to do is wait for Spencer to let it sink in and allow the flowers to bloom and, next thing you know, Spencer’s gonna have himself the perfect girlfriend.

And Derek will take too much credit for it.

+++

“Heeeeeeeeey my precious Doctor…”

Garcia looks like her hand was caught in the cookie jar.

Spencer’s back straightens. “What did you do?”

She looks embarrassed, fiddling with the fluffy pen in her hand. She smiles awkwardly. “Derek may have told me about a pretty little college student that captured your heart, and then he told me you also haven’t texted her yet, so I did a little digging and…”

“You cyber-stalked Y/N?” Emily asks, casually. JJ seems unphased at the discussion. Does everyone in the office know about you?

“I did. I’m guilty. I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist.” She’s speaking a mile a minute.

Emily spares Spencer a glance, “Did you find anything?”

“Well…”

Concern fills Spencer. “Did something happen?”

“I just found some stuff she’d probably only tell a close friend and I feel really bad about it.” Her shoulders are by her ears as she tries to fold in on herself out of guilt, “But other than that she’s a genuinely sweet girl who volunteers at pet shelters and the college library in her free time and we have really similar music tastes so I think we’d make great friends.”

They all look to Spencer, waiting for his reaction. What? Is he supposed to be surprised that you’re the epitome of perfect? He’s not. He studied you the entire time you spoke.

“She’s also written several incredible papers on child development that I think are revolutionary and I totally emailed them to you because I think you should read them. She’s also a genius.”

Spencer’s hand twitches. He ignores the sudden need to check his email.

It’s silent as they just stare at him. He doesn’t say anything and tries not to react, but he does. They notice how his eyes flicker to his phone, how his leg fidgets, the longing in his eyes.

Emily brushes her hair back calmly and asks, “Hey, Pen, when does Y/N work at the college library?”

Penelope doesn’t catch on at first, casually replying, “Oh, basically every day from five pm onwards. They’re a twenty-four hour library and she combines working and studying.” When she sees Emily pointedly look at Spencer, she goes ohhh.

“Good to know,” Emily nods, “Good to know.”

+++

Spencer finds himself at the college library that night.

He wants to say it was an accident, or that he just happens to know there’s a special edition of a specific book here, but he’d be lying. He read your papers between reports, and found himself having a deep appreciation for the way you write – he wants to ready everything you’ve ever written. Every essay, every note, every formal and informal piece of work you’ve ever done.

He’s already fallen in love with the way you write. He doesn’t think he’s far from falling in love with you.

He wanders around the lower floor of the library. It’s impressive, he must admit, and he’s disappointed in himself for not visiting earlier. There’s students everywhere, but he notices some other people mixed in too – professors, businesspeople, as well as parents with their children.

He feels a little less weird for creeping around now.

Not that’s he’s creeping. He’s just.. there. To see a certain someone under the guise of looking for a book.

He moseys for a while, from the fiction section to the non-fiction to comics to autobiographies. You’re nowhere to be found – not between the rows of books, not working on any of the desks, not at the centre reception desk.

Until you’re suddenly behind him.

“Spencer?”

He jumps, looking up from the book he’s reading. Your voice is as calming and smooth as always.

“Y/N. Hi.”

“Hi,” Your brows are furrowed, but you’re not disappointed by the unexpected visitor. “What are you doing here?”

He lifts the book he’s holding, an Arthur Conan Doyle, giving a light lipped smile. “I’m just looking. I didn’t realise the college library was so plentiful – did you know the oldest library in the world dates from the seventh century BC?”

“I do, actually.” You point to a poster behind him, which displays that exact fact, “I thought dotting facts around the library would be interesting for the kids. They seem to like them.”

“Learning in young children is socially mediated, so good quality learning environments outside of their schools is crucial for children’s development. So, in a way, you’re enriching their lives beyond understanding.”

You’re flattered at his somewhat far-fetched attempt at complimenting you. It makes your heart flutter.

Why didn’t you contact me, you dimwit?

You open your mouth to ask another question, ask if there’s something he needs help finding, when he beats you to it.

With a firm grip, he slams the book he’s reading shut and says, “I’m lying.”

“Oh?”

“I didn’t come here to.. look around. I came here to see you.”

“Oh.”

Spencer doesn’t know what to make of that. You haven’t awkwardly looked away, or stepped back to increase the distance between you. That means something good, right?

“You didn’t text me, so I assumed you weren’t interested.” Your brows twitch, and you back-pedal, “Unless you purposely didn’t text me because you actually weren’t interested and you might be here to see me but for something book-related rather than me-related and I’ve totally humiliated myself.”

“No, no. You’re right. You’re right.” He fiddles with the book in shame, “I should’ve texted you. I just didn’t know what to say and.. Well, it’s stupid.”

Your head jerks a little to the side, something he’s noticed you do a lot, looking patient and too pretty for him to handle. “I’m sure it’s not stupid.”

Spencer thinks back to his conversation with Derek, specifically the reminder that you gave him your number which means you initiated this so yes, you are interested in him.

It’s just.. when he looks at you, he struggles to believe it a little. You’re breath-taking.  

“I’m worried I’ll bore you.” He starts light, easing you into what’s been troubling him. He’s emboldened by the fact you’re clearly frustrated he didn’t text you.

You give him a look of horror, “The first time we met I told you I loved your dissertation on geographic regression. I definitely do not think you’re anything anywhere near boring.”

“Okay,” He nods, “What about our ages?”

You’re confused. “What about it?”

Spencer mirrors your expression. “It doesn’t.. bother you?”

“Does it.. bother you?”

Usually, answering a question with a question is a sign of deflection, a sign of hiding something. However he doesn’t know why, but Spencer trusts you with his life. Maybe not his life. Maybe his heart.

“Does that silence mean yes?”

He shakes his head, “No. It doesn’t bother me. I just worry that, you know, college years are the so-called best years of your life and I don’t want you to regret being with me, someone older than you, and resent me for it, or something-“

“I think you’re getting way in your head, Spence.” You laugh a little, “We haven’t gone on a single date and you’ve convinced yourself of so much already. For the record, no, your age doesn’t bother me in the slightest. It never has and I doubt it ever will. I think you’re the most fascinating and interesting person on this planet, and if anyone is getting bored with anyone I’m pretty confident it’ll be you getting sick of me. And,” You take a breath, “I think I’m old enough to know what I want, who I want, and what I want is you. If you want me, too.”

Spencer shoves the book back into the bookshelf with a satisfying sound, then turns and quickly places a kiss onto your cheek. It’s completely unexpected and, quite frankly, not something you’d expect from Doctor Reid, but you blush and there’s a definite red colour to Spencer’s cheeks, too.

“I will never, ever, get sick of you.” He says, voice small but firm. “But I don’t want you to regret being with me. Promise me you won’t.”

You give him a look that tells him you think he’s ridiculous. “I promise that I won’t regret being with you. I’d like us to last as long as possible, if I can be picky.”

“I’d like that, too.” He murmurs. The thought of you wanting him for as long as possible almost sends him into a frenzy. He wants to kiss you all over.

You stand close and talk quietly for a while, a little more discussion on a possible date that weekend and a constant stream of compliments from you to Spencer and vice versa, before you realise the time.

“I should probably go. I have a paper to finish.” You smile sadly, a tiny pout forming.

“I understand. Do you think I could read it? When you’re done?”

Your eyebrows shoot up, “Do you know how terrifying the idea of the Spencer Reid reading my work is? But yes, anything for you.”

Anything for you. Are you trying to kill him?

You turn to leave, refusing to admit how sad leaving Spencer makes you feel, when you stop, “One more thing.”

Spencer hums. He’s not fully paying attention, praying to whatever Gods exist that killers take a break on the weekend so he can take you out on the sweetest date.

“If age is a sore area for you,” There’s mirth in your eyes and Spencer prepares himself, “Does that mean the nickname old man is off the table?”

His lips purse and move towards his nose as he narrows his eyes, giving you a look of faux annoyance, “I am not an old man.”

“Sounds like you’re sensitive, old man.”

As you walk away, you jokingly blow him a kiss to add insult to injury. His pretend glare lasts until your back is turned and he feels his gaze softening to something akin to love.

Spencer thins if the rest of his life is this, you teasing him with that twinkle in your eye and smile on your face, then life is truly the most beautiful thing.

[anntoldst0ries]

None shall sleep (Ethan x MC)

Book: Open Heart 3, post Chapter 5 Pairing: Dr Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr Noelle Valentine) Word Count/Rating: ~1.8k, T Summary: In the privacy of the diagnostic's office, Ethan & Noelle reflect on recent changes around them. Category/Warnings: Fluff, None Trope: And there was a bit of Hurt/Comfort

A/N: This chapter reminded me of things that have never been addressed... so this is a story of how things left unsaid all collided in my head. Hope you enjoy.

Also - yes, Ethan Ramsey can sing arias. Is anyone still truly surprised by the fact that this guy can do anything?

There is something mesmerizing about watching the lights of day go out, overpowered by darkness, ablaze with colours - from the depths of blue, through indigo, navy and all the way to pitch-black.

About how, in a sense, it washes away all the bothers and allows you to start anew with the next rise of the almighty sun.

Ethan Ramsey was hoping for this exactly, maybe more than ever, but all the signs showed it wasn’t in the cards for him.

Or at least not today.

He stared into the void, interwoven by occasional human figures passing by through the front lobby. No voices of the day were able to reach him on the 7th floor of his kingdom. Behind the glass wall, he was almost in a different world.

It had been yet another day that brought him more gritted teeth, holding himself back and resigned sighs, than actual satisfaction from helping those who counted on him. All these ‘activities’ were not only annoying but also highly energy-consuming.

Bringing the index and middle fingertips to his pulsating temples, he started to compress and massage them in small circles, trying to soothe the pounding inside his skull. He could hear the blood rushing through the highways of his veins, the sound almost drowning out all external stimuli.

But there were certain sounds his expert ear was trained on, the ones he would’ve recognized even in his sleep.

Like the one reaching his ears right now, the sound of the door handle being pressed.

With his back facing the door, he couldn’t see who was trying to impose on his much-needed solitude. But since the unexpected guest did not precede their ministrations by knocking, the possibilities narrowed down significantly. There were only two people on the premises of Edenbrook who could invade his personal space without a modicum of manners.

“Can I help you?” He modulated his voice to ensure the tone was expressing two things: annoyance and irony in the otherwise polite question.

“I’m sorry.” From all the voices, this one he did not expect to hear now. A melodic tone was joined by a scuffle of retreating steps. “Do you want me to go?”

Ethan curled his lips in a tiny smile. They both knew she wasn’t apologetic and that he wanted anything but her to leave.

“No, it’s just that there are only two people in this hospital that wouldn’t bother knocking and I thought it was one of them paying me a visit.”

“Let me guess… Zaid and Baz?”

“No, but in terms of concept, you were actually close…just another type of evil ‘twins’."

“Oh, you mean his majesty King Bloom & his annoyance Dr Carrick?”

“Even as a joke, it sounds creepy and horrible.”

“Well, count me as a third now. Heads up though, I will only stop knocking after twilight.”

It was clear as crystal Ethan’s already specific sense of humor had less than ever space for amusement.

“I brought you this.” She put a brown paper bag on his desk, which immediately revealed the aroma of something delicious. “I figured you’re probably gonna stay here all night, so I thought I’ll pop over and check on you.”

He didn’t say anything, staring into the darkness. Not because he didn’t want to - he simply didn’t know what. This simple gesture was very touching and filled him with gratitude. But he was lacking the right words.

Then, for the first time since she’s interrupted his train of thought, he turned around to look at her. Tired and with puffy eyes, she’d still put everyone else to shame. Even on the worst of days, the light radiating from her turned heads and made the room brighter.

She extended a hand and when their fingers touched, he felt this weird, tingly feeling that has traveled from his palm, through his arm and neck, and then straight to his core.

Pressing him gently against the edge of the desk, she took his glasses off. Then loosened his tie and nonchalantly disheveled his hair. Ethan wouldn’t let anyone else in the world touch them, let alone put them in a state of such disarray.

With her, all the rules existed only to be broken.

“Do you want to tell me what’s going on in this big brain of yours?”

“Smart move, Valentine. You’ve pacified me so that now I will have no choice but to tell you whatever you want to know.”

“You always have a choice, let’s just hope you’re gonna make the right one.”

Ethan nodded, no sound escaping his lips. She knew she’d have to take it upon herself to get any information out of her stubborn converser.

“So, how are you holding up? I want an honest answer."

“I’ve been better.”

“I thought so.”

“It’s just that… Tobias is driving me crazy. His presence really tests my patience… I don’t know if I would’ve stopped myself from punching him had it not been for you.”

“Why thank you, I didn’t know my therapeutic services were that good.”

“They are.” Ethan cleared his throat. “But it’s… not just that.”

Dead silence lingered between them and he knew he had no other choice but to continue.

“The only reason why I haven’t wiped this ridiculous smirk off his face yet is that whenever I look at him, I… I see you in that room with Travis. I’m trying to remind myself that, as much as I hate to admit it, he was crucial to finding the cure on such short notice.”

“Ethan…”

“I already told you” - he interrupted her as if not to stop the words from flowing, afraid they may be trapped forever otherwise - “that there was so much more at stake last time Tobias set foot in Edenbrook.”

She took a deep breath, her eyes going slightly wider.

“The truth is, for me… everything was at stake. I would’ve done anything he’d asked me to, I’d have forgiven him if it meant saving you.”

Elle turned still, all her body movements, her breathing and even her blinking ceased.

It was one of those moments that mean so much but leave you with so little to say.

Using the power of non-verbal communication and their deep affinity, she bestowed on him the most gentle, loving and grateful expression her face could muster after yet another exhausting shift.

Ethan extended his arm and before she realized it, her back was gently pressed to the older doctor’s chest. Having wrapped her slender frame with his broad shoulders, Elle inhaled his familiar aroma. He smelled of comfort and felt like a safe harbor. He nudged her hair with his nose and placed a featherlight kiss on the crook of her neck. She smelled of calmness and felt like coming back home from a long journey.

“So,” - he murmured directly into her ear - “whether you like it or not, I am using you to soften the blow every time I look at Tobias’ face.”

“I think I can live with that.”

“But I can’t guarantee it will always be enough, he is a cocky son of a bitch.”

“Let's make a deal then. I see how much it costs you and I’m not telling you to trust Leland or forgive Tobias, I still believe you should be cautious. Let’s just wait and see where this goes, I think we’ll know sooner rather than later. In the meantime, we should focus on what matters the most, our patients.”

“Where is the deal part?”

“If it turns out you were right, I will hold Tobias and you will punch him. Deal?”

“I believe it should be the other way round. Declan Nash’s face told me your right hook is exquisite, Rookie.”

They both laughed at the memory which seemed so distant now, almost as if it's happened in another lifetime.

But Ethan went quiet again and she felt his body tense up, his arms tightening gently around her. It wasn’t very obvious, but she knew. It still came as a shock how well she actually knew him.

“Ethan? What is it?”

“Nothing.”

“Ethan.”

“I’m sorry, I am not the most cheery companion today. You’re probably better off not spending too much time with me before you turn into a cynic.”

“Dr Ramsey, what a pathetic attempt of trying to get rid of me. You’ve never been the most cheerful type and I’ve survived your gloomy companionship, hell, I think it grew on me over time. So I should be ok today, too.”

It looked like silence was very much their third companion today.

“I’m thinking about Francis.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“I’m thinking about how hard it would be not to see. So many beautiful things, colors, all turning into nothingness.”

“I take it you mean the opera?”

“That too, but let’s just say I’ve learned to appreciate things that are right in front of my nose… literally and figuratively.”

The butterflies started somersaulting in her stomach.

“I didn’t want to add more to your plate at the time, but I’ve already felt this way… when we diagnosed Caroline and Leland.”

It was funny that, despite his obvious animosity towards Bloom, whenever his wife was in the picture, he spoke about both in an almost affectionate way. His doctor’s instincts were kicking in, because first and foremost he was a doctor who had his patients’ best interest at heart.

“The thought of not being able to touch you…it reminded me of touching you through the layer of hazmat suit. And now with everything Francis has been through, I just can’t be bothered to think about anything else but you. This is my true personal connection to this case.”

It was her turn to be speechless.

Ethan tightened his grip over her once again, this time protectively rather than out of stress. Slow hum started filling the air, the melody soon joined by lyrics, which he sang in fluent Italian; a private concert, performed for her and her only.

Tu pure, oh Principessa

Nella tua fredda stanza

Guardi le stelle

Che tremano d'amore

E di speranza**

She remembered their patient’s face, which seemed calmer once Ethan started singing the aria before the depths of illness contorted it with pain.

Francis' husband's words echoed throughout her head.

Even though the man holding her in his arms didn’t say it, there was no need.

She knew.

He will always be here.

And she will always be here, too.

-----

** Lyrics - aria "Nessun Dorma" (‘None shall sleep’) from the opera "Turandot".

Translation:

Even you, oh Princess,

In your cold room,

Watch the stars,

That tremble with love

And with hope.

Tag 🔖 list: @starrystarrytrouble @genevievemd @sophxwithers @maurine07 @lovingramsey @iemcpbchoices @oldminniemcg @schnitzelbutterfingers @archxxronrookie @jamespotterthefirst @the-pale-goddess @queencarb @fireycookie @qrkowna @coffeeheartaddict @utterlyinevitable @gryffindordaughterofathena @xxsugarplumfluffsxx @wingedhairstylemusicweasel @mrs-ramsey @tsrookie @fayeswiftie @mercury84choices @lisha1valecha @lucy-268 @stateofgracious @danijimenezv @alina-yol-ramsey

@choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 27)

The closer we get to the end, the more nervous I am, and maybe you are too, because things are going to go horribly awry and only suffering is to come. Fate is adamant that a specific twelve year old must die, and we really have no choice but to watch it all unfold.

In this part, we will discuss the chapters building up to the New Year's Concert, where Reo will attempt to assassinate the ESP.

Chapter One Hundred and Forty-Six

Ruka finds Natsume in the snow. He asks where he’s been, and Natsume responds that he went to see Mikan. Natsume imagines that Ruka will be jealous, because he feels guilty. He’d been putting his own wants first this whole night, and he hadn’t even considered Ruka.

Expectation vs. Reality. Ruka, best boy.

But Ruka is not jealous, or he’s very good at hiding it. He beams at Natsume, offering only congratulations and support. He’s happy for them, that both of their wishes came true. In fact, Ruka was also wishing for it, that Mikan and Natsume could find each other.

Natsume apologizes, because Ruka’s cheerful support only makes him feel more guilty, but he doesn’t tell him for what. He will not recount the details of the night, particularly of the many kisses shared between him and Mikan.

There’s a happy moment between Natsume and Ruka until, of course, Natsume starts coughing violently. He coughs up blood again, and when Ruka asks him if he’s okay, he’s ready to downplay it, already hiding his hand so that his best friend won’t worry. But Ruka grabs his hand and looks at the blood on the glove, and there’s a somber moment between them. Natsume tries to talk, but Ruka knows he’s just going to try and downplay it again, so he interrupts.

The best friendship in all of fiction. I stand by this forever. You can't change my mind.

Ruka has watched Natsume suffer the whole time they’ve been at the academy, even before then. He might not have had all the details, but he’s known that Natsume’s life was agony. He was helpless, and even became a burden (in his own view, not Natsume’s). He pleads with Natsume not to hide from him anymore. They’re meant to be best friends, and all Ruka has ever wanted was to be Natsume’s support system, but Natsume shut him out in the guise of protecting him. He keeps all his pain locked away and deals with it on his own.

Watching someone you love suffer and not being able to do anything about it is a tremendous pain, Ruka says. Natsume must sympathize. He will say something similar later on about Mikan’s situation.

Ruka loves Natsume. Natsume might have thought that he dragged his only friend into a bottomless pit of despair but Ruka asserts he’s never once regretted following him to the academy, not even for a second.

Ruka is confessing now. Natsume must know now that his existence is important to at least two people who love him unconditionally, but he doesn’t internalize it. Maybe he can’t. He’s too stuck in the role of martyr that straying from it would go against the very fabric of his own identity. He exists and has always existed to protect others. Protecting himself or even considering himself doesn’t align with that identity. No matter how much Mikan and Ruka plead with him to keep himself safe, he can’t abide. They’re more important than he is. He fails to see how much heartbreak and sorrow he will leave in his wake of self-destruction.

Natsume can’t internalize it. He can’t take it in and change course. It’s too late for that, in his mind. But he can tell Ruka the truth, because supporting Natsume is all Ruka wants.

He confesses too. He’s afraid. He doesn’t like thinking about the future, not even a year from now, because he’s scared he’ll be dead by then.

He says his secret fear out loud, that he won’t be able to protect her, and it’s still so heart-breaking that he still only sees his own value in how much he can protect people. He will shorten his own life to get her out of the darkness she’s ended up in. He doesn’t see worth in his existence just for the sake of living, of breathing, of smiling and laughing and crying and existing. Instead, his value is conditional. He is only so good as he is able to protect others and when he can’t anymore, then he is no longer valuable. It’s a glaring sign of a ridiculously low self-esteem.

He wants to choose life! He wants to live! Oh, this makes it worse...

But something has changed. He doesn’t want to die. He wants to live and be with her forever. He can’t be with her if he’s dead. It’s a selfish thought, and as I’ve been saying, that’s a wonderful thing. If only that selfish impulse were stronger, than maybe things wouldn’t be so doomed in the coming week. But Natsume’s ingrained martyr complex is stronger than anything, and his new flicker of selfishness doesn’t stand a chance.

Ruka promises he’ll do anything to support Natsume and Mikan’s future together. And so Natsume asks Ruka to protect Mikan if he’s no longer able to.

I personally don’t think he’s handing Mikan over here. This whole conversation’s context is specifically about protecting Mikan, and how Natsume wants only to keep her safe, even at the expense of his own life (though he’s actually more cavalier with that than he lets on, so it’s not much of an “even”, is it?). If Natsume is dead, he wants somebody he trusts to watch over her and prioritize her as he has. Who better than Ruka, who loves Mikan too and will want to keep her safe as well?

Or. You could just. Not die. Just a thought.

Natsume has never treated Mikan as an object to be won. He’s in fact made several comments about not “competing” at all. If he was able to give Mikan to Ruka, those two would be together now already and Natsume wouldn’t be the one holding Mikan’s alice stone. He is not any more capable of giving her away then he’s been before, and he’s less motivated to now than he’s ever been. Mikan is his, after all. Why would he “give her away” so soon after promising to be together forever?

He’s only concerned with Mikan’s safety and freedom here. If he dies in the pursuit of that, which he will, then someone else needs to make sure she’s safe and free. What she does with that safety and freedom is not in his or Ruka’s or anyone’s hands. I imagine Natsume, who got jealous of Mikan thinking of all her important people when making her alice stone would also get jealous at the thought of Mikan falling in love with somebody after his death. It might occur in the distant future, but it probably wouldn’t be any fun to imagine.

You may disagree with me, but I just can’t see it that way. I just don’t see it.

Chapter One Hundred and Forty-Seven

It’s New Year’s. Mikan’s birthday. There’s a celebration happening in the dorms, just like last year, but Natsume isn’t dressed in traditional garb to welcome the new year and feast like all the other students.

Instead, he’s waiting for Narumi in a hallway.

He wants all the information he can get, so he can get Mikan out of her cage sooner. Narumi isn’t talking, always willing to act dumb to get out of things. But Natsume knows better. He saw Narumi in the flashbacks, and knows how much Narumi loved Yuka. He would’ve done anything for her, even if it resulted in his own death. Narumi should understand how Natsume feels, then. He knows Mikan is suffering and in danger, but he can’t do anything about it. He says something to the effect that he shouldn’t even be living at this point, again reiterating that his life only has value if he’s able to protect people, particularly Mikan. If he’s unable to do that, then he might as well die. There’s really no difference, he says.

Jeez, kid, relax.

Narumi tries to point out that Natsume is dying, as if perhaps the kid is unaware of this, but Natsume grabs him and declares that he will not end up like him. Natsume seems to understand Narumi (probably more than I can! Haha) and that his life has been empty and soulless for a long time. Narumi is full of regret and has been for years, but Natsume won’t be like that. He won’t live with regret. He’ll do anything he can to save Mikan, and he’ll die without a single regret. He also claims he won’t give up on the idea of sharing a future with Mikan, and that makes the inevitable doom of their romance all the more tragic. Natsume isn’t planning on dying. He’s not imagining that he doesn’t even have a full two days left to live. He’s thinking he’ll push himself to the end of his rope, save Mikan, and then live happily ever after. It’s naive and childish and ridiculous that he really believes he can have his cake and eat it too, but he does with his whole heart.

"I want to live," is enough for me. I stopped reading after that. LET THIS KID LIVE.

Natsume tells Narumi to stop underestimating him for his age. But Narumi agrees: he doesn’t want Natsume or any of the other kids to end up like him and his generation did. He wants things to be better, for the new generation to have a happy and hopeful future to look forward to instead of surrendering to a life of misery and regret.

Chapter One Hundred and Forty-Nine

Natsume and Ruka are something like partners-in-crime now. They both know that taking out the ESP is the only way to free Mikan. They are spying on Reo, who has come under the guise of performing for the New Year’s concert, who spills that Z wants to assassinate the ESP.

Tsubasa and Tono quickly join the conversation, although they’re somewhat unwanted.

Reo keeps talking, and now all four of them are privy to his plan. Tono scolds Natsume for trying to get involved when it’s obvious Z is already on the case. Let them do it, he says. Keep yourself safe instead of putting everything on your own shoulders. Naturally, this is Natsume we’re talking about, so no amount of logic will get into his head, but it was worth a try, Tono.

Natsume's little face here is my favorite. His little angry expressions are always the highlight of any page.

Hearing this warning, Natsume can see the sense in it. He doesn’t want to leave his fiancee alone and heart-broken by his loss (more proof that he doesn’t really believe he’ll die) tomorrow, but to his horror, Koko was reading his thoughts aloud.

Natsume is embarrassed to be put on the spot, and he didn’t want to hurt Ruka’s feelings, so he takes out his anger on Koko. Then he punishes Tsubasa for teasing him about how fast he’s going with Mikan when Tsubasa is actually just slow with Misaki. Then it’s revealed that Tsubasa did finally confess to Misaki and got the answer he wanted, which only pisses Natsume off more, inexplicably. He’d be angry either way, just because it’s Tsubasa. He probably just wants to take the focus off himself and the fact that he’s already proposed to Mikan.

Tsubasa was in fact inspired by Natsume’s commitment to protecting Mikan. He confessed because his kouhai was so determined. But he also expresses concern for Natsume’s recklessness. Protecting people is a worthwhile pursuit, but so is valuing your own life. Other people depend on him and love him, and losing would hurt. He doesn’t have to do everything on his own. Working as a team can ensure his safety and keep him living longer. They’re all on the same page, after all, so why not join forces and get it done more efficiently without Natsume being the martyr again?

Yeah, Natsume, go to therapy. Like, yesterday.

But as the group splits up, Ruka holds Natsume still. He wants to talk about what happened on Christmas, but Natsume doesn’t. He’d rather keep that to himself, not at all willing to hurt Ruka’s feelings after he’s been nothing but supportive.

But he can’t lie, and Ruka has expressed interest in hearing all the truthbombs Natsume can dish out, so he comes clean. They exchanged alice stones. It looks like it pains Natsume to admit it. He’s consumed by guilt for the role he’s played in hurting Ruka. But Ruka is still just happy for him. He again offers congratulations, and all is well until Koko announces that Natsume and Mikan kissed a lot too. Apparently, Natsume has been thinking about the kisses so often and shamelessly to the point that Koko is concerned.

Ruka gets upset, but not out of jealousy. He hits Natsume rather pathetically, adamantly demanding that he be honest and tell him everything instead of keeping secrets all the time. Ruka doesn’t care that Natsume has been “selfish” and has kissed Mikan and gotten engaged with her and met with her. He is a fan! He’s Team NatsuMikan now too! He just wants Natsume to stop lying to him, not even to spare his feelings. If Natsume can’t be honest, then Ruka can’t do his job of supporting him. Friendship is a two-way street and can’t work if the friends can’t rely on each other for help and support. Going through good and tough times together is the key to any lasting relationship, and for that to work Natsume needs to talk to him instead of holding back.

Ruka is so cute here. Absolutely adorable. I shall adopt.

Natsume apologizes and the chapter ends on a light note, with the four of them teasing each other and laughing.

But tomorrow will be a different story. Many horrible things will happen tomorrow night, and the bright future Natsume has finally allowed himself to consider will burn up and die.

Conclusion

In the Rapunzel story, the prince was blinded and forced to walk around the forest unable to look for his lost love. I imagine that's why the chapter title image for Chapter 147 has his face covered in bandages. The story of Rapunzel is a tragic one, but it ends in a happily-ever-after. The consolation we have is that the story of NatsuMikan is more like the story of Rapunzel than of Romeo and Juliet, though it certainly doesn't feel like it for the next thirty-something chapters.

I didn't reread this at all before posting because I'm really tired. Thus, I claim no ownership over any mistakes. They can't be helped.

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[ddarker-dreams]

How would the team react to SR reader taking them to a trip back to their home? For instance, I'm from NY, so I would definitely take them or M&M world or something fun 😊.

NONNIE THIS IS SO CUTE !! SR Reader would want to take everyone to an area she thinks they’d like!! It’d be a very chaotic trip. Maybe an Everyone Lives AU type of special. Lemme go over my thoughts...

If you’re travelling with Giorno, you’re gonna be travelling in style. Man is packing the big bucks. He just tells you to bring him wherever you want. Might be a bit disappointed that the others are tagging along at first, but still has plans to get alone time with you :) he’s the least likely to want to go anywhere specific. He’s gonna be harshly judging any of the food you recommend, but doesn’t ever tell you lmao. Just flashes you a charming smile and says it’s wonderful while going on an internal Gordon Ramsey monologue over the flavors and presentation. He’d secretly like places that specialize in sweets, and should you catch onto this, would make feeble attempts at dismissing it. Despite all the fancy food he can afford, he has a soft spot for smores you made for him!! Thought it was the cutest thing ever :’)))) especially when you were blowing on the marshmallows to set the fire off. The moment was ruined by Narancia mourning his marshmallow that fell into the fire...  

Mista is going to want to visit Hollywood 100%. This man is a cinema addict and nothing can convince me otherwise. He’s going to be finding areas that appeared in his favorite movies and dragging you (and maybe a few other unlucky people, probably Fugo) along for the ride. Sex Pistols are gonna embarrass him by reenacting his favorite scenes lmao. He’d want to go to Griffith’s Observatory to reminiscence about Rebel Without a Cause and won’t shut up about the movie the entire time. Mista fits in with the lackadaisical air of LA a little too perfectly, and you keep telling him to change out of his sweater because it’s gonna be hot. But he doesn’t. Mista is gonna be so tilted when he finds out his favorite Clint Eastwood doesn’t have a star on the Walk of Fame... you didn’t have the heart to tell him at first. He’s also sad that he can’t legally drink in the states LMAOO

“[First], so let me get this straight. I can carry my pistol around openly here, but I can’t legally drink?” 

“Couldn’t have explained it better myself, Mista.” 

Narancia is another person who would be excited to visit areas in California the most. He’s more into music, so he’s going to want to tour all the big studios (and gets bored when he doesn’t spot any celebrities like he expected). Also the most likely to be disappointed with California prices. When you explain to him how much he needs to pay in USD for a meal he’s gonna gape at you like you have two heads. 

“W-what? That much for a burger and fries? This has to be a crime! Bucciarati, come talk some sense into this guy!” 

“Narancia, no, don’t beat up the Americans--” 

He’d also be interested in New York!! Specifically in areas that hold cultural significance for hip hop like the Bronx. He thinks it’s the coolest thing ever. Might stand out a little too much but it’s okay he’s having fun. Narancia would be suffering on the east coast, since a lot of people there are prickly. If anyone bumps into him in New York, you’re gonna have to deescalate lmao. He’d also want to visit places like Hershey Park, Six Flags, etc... you’re gonna have to explain to him that they’re all very far apart. Narancia wants to drag you on rollercoasters, god help your soul ... (if you refuse, he’ll settle on Mista joining him. Emphasis on settle). You might need to get him a shirt that says “If lost, return to [First]” for him, and a “I’m [First]” for yourself. 

Trish is another one from the group who is most interested in visiting New York. She fits in perfectly, unlike Narancia. She can keep up with the walking speed there too lmao. Trish is gonna drag you into countless fashion stores, and take selfies with you at Times Square. If anyone tries to cat call her... well, she’s gonna have you defending her honor. Trish is gonna want to go to Tiffany’s, and Radio City music hall to see a concert. She actually speaks English pretty well! She has a cute little accent on some words, but when you tell her that, she gives you a >:( look. Anyways you’d both be looking like models next to one another. A few people have come up to Trish, asking if they’ve seen her in magazines or something... smh... it’s your job to flirt with her so you shoo them off in English >:) 

God... Bruno would be so adorable. He wants to explore the beaches!! When you’re asking where he wants to go, he’ll mention these places. The Outer Banks, Ocean City (until you tell him he’s gonna be greatly disappointed if you go there), Honolulu, and the Santa Monica beaches. He likes sitting on the piers and feeling the ocean breeze, and trying the boardwalk food!! He thrives the most in Southern states since he likes the warmer places. 

The state I see him liking the most should he visit is Maryland. He’d be prancing around the inner harbor, enjoying all the outdoor cafes and feasting on seafood. Just be sure to teach him how to eat crabs properly :’) the gang eating crabs is a mess. The waiter brings wooden hammers, and Narancia starts SMACKING the FUCK out of that steamed crab. You have to explain to him it’s not meant to be used like that... Mista tries using it like a judge’s gavel to make you laugh. Fugo and Abbacchio are leaving the table so as not to associate with them... 

Fugo is gonna be embarrassed by everyone else’s shenangins. He fits in the frigid temperament a lot of East Coasters have. He’d be the most interested in visiting Boston for its historical importance, and touring the various colleges there. He prefers Boston over New York and LA, he’s a bit of a snob... is gonna be internally screaming over the stupidly complicated way of getting around. Why is the train system here so archaic?? Who designed this?? He wants to have a word with them. Fugo isn’t big on city life though, so he might want to visit somewhere more rural. Perhaps... Florida... ahaha... jk... unless? 

Abbacchio is going to want to visit New Orleans and nothing can convince me otherwise. I headcanon that he’s a big fan of jazz. So he’ll be hanging out in notable jazz clubs, sipping on fine wine, enjoying the music with you. He appreciates how the music transcends language. Especially since he feels weird constantly badgering you or Fugo, the best English speakers, to translate stuff for him. He might be a little bit smug that he’s able to drink alcohol unlike Mista, who is still greatly offended by not being able to drink. 

[sturchling]

Salt prompt where there are a few transfer students from Italy attending Francois Dupont for three weeks and as soon as they see Lila one breaks down in tears, another starts screaming at her, and the last one stares at her in horror and hatred. Reasons why are up to you.

Here you go! Sorry it took a while, things got kind of hectic for me these last few days. Anyway, hope you like it!

Marinette thought this would just be another day in class. She had given up trying to expose Lila to the class. The class wouldn’t listen to Marinette, so she would just wait until Lila exposed herself. In the meantime, Marinette just avoided hanging out with the class when she knew Lila would be around. Things in the class were still ok. Marinette was still friends with the class and they all got along. Things only got tense when Lila came and tried to turn everything Marinette said against her. Marinette was looking forward to the day that Lila would be exposed. Little did she know that today would be the day that began Lila’s down fall.

 ----------------

Marinette actually arrived to school early for once and was flagged down by Mrs. Bustier. “Good morning Marinette. I wanted to let you know we are going to have some foreign exchange students join us today. They will be studying here for a month, and three of them got assigned to our class. Since you are class rep, I will expect you to be a good example for them and help them get used to how things work at the school.” Mrs. Bustier walked towards Mr. Damocles’ office, probably to talk with him about these exchange students, and Marinette went to the class room to wait.

  ----------------

When Marinette walked into the class, she saw that Lila had already started her show for the day. Today’s headline lie is how she helped the president of Italy pass a law to improve the carbon emission rates of the country. Marinette just walked to her seat and ignored the nonsense the Italian was saying. While Lila continued to entertain the class, Marinette wondered about the new exchange students. Mrs. Bustier walked in a few minutes later and got the class’ attention, “Class, I have some exciting news. For the next month, we will be joined by three exchange students from Italy.” That made Marinette pause. It was a very small chance, but what if these kids new Lila? What if they know she is a liar? Would Marinette gain some allies for this month?

----------------

Lila was terrified. She was hoping that these students weren’t from her old school. If they knew her, this could ruin everything! Mrs. Bustier continued, seemingly not noticing the shift in the mood, “I expect you all to make them feel welcome here, and help them if they need it. Their names are Emilio, Carina, and Alessa. You three may come in now!” Three students walk into the class room. One is a taller boy with black hair and brown eyes, who must be Emilio. The girl standing in the middle is a shorter girl with blonde hair and green eyes, who introduced herself as Carina. Finally, there is a tall girl with auburn hair and blue eyes, who must be Alessa. Everything seemed normal, until the three new students see Lila. Then all hell breaks loose.

  ----------------

The moment that the three new students see Lila, chaos descends on the class. Carina bursts into tears the second she spots Lila. Alessa starts yelling at Lila in rapid Italian, that the class couldn’t understand. Emilio pulls Carina behind him and just glares at Lila with eyes full of venom. The class is beyond confused. It is obvious that Alessa is yelling at Lila, but why do these three seemingly not like her? Mrs. Bustier is trying to gain control of the class again, but it takes a while. Finally, Alessa pauses in her tirade long enough for someone to speak. Alya speaks up, “Wait! Why are you so angry at Lila? And why is she crying?” Alya asked, gesturing towards Carina. Alessa turns to Alya, “Mad doesn’t even begin to cover it. I despise that girl for what she did to Carina. She used to attend our school. She bullied Carina horribly. Constantly tripping and threatening her. She even tricked the school into suspending Carina by saying that Carina had destroyed her project for science class. She tried to ruin Carina’s life, all because Carina was the first to realize she was nothing but a liar.” That is when chaos descended on the class once more.

  ----------------

The class began yelling at the new students, trying to defend their friend. The class was sure that the new exchange students were lying. Afterall Lila wouldn’t lie to them. Carina, Alessa, and Emilio quickly realized that this class was completely under Lila’s control. They all believed Lila’s every word. It was too much for Carina, who rushed from the room. Alessa, and Emilio followed after her to try and help her calm down. Lila took this opportunity to bust out the crocodile tears, and come up with a story about how those three were actually the bullies. “They used to be mean to me back in Italy. They were part of the reason I was glad to leave. They tried to frame me as a bully because I couldn’t get them tickets to a Jagged Stone concert.” While the class comforted their friend, no one noticed Marinette slip from the room. She walked into the hall and saw the three exchange students sitting on a bench. Carina seemed much calmer, now that they were out of sight of Lila. Marinette definitely felt empathy for Carina, she had gone through almost the exact experience. She approached the small group, and when they noticed her approaching, they seemed to tense up. Emilio was the one to break the silence, “What do you want?” he asked defensively. Marinette smiled kindly at them, “I just wanted to make sure you were ok. I know how rough things can get when dealing with Lila.” The group of three looked shocked. Carina quietly asked, “You know about her?” Marinette nodded, “That she is a liar? Yeah. She did the same thing to me. When she realized that I knew about her, she started harassing me too. It is nice to have other who also know about her. Adrien, the blonde boy in the front row, also knows she is a liar.” The group seemed to relax, knowing that Marinette believed them. Marinette returned to the classroom for a moment to let Mrs. Bustier know that she was going to show the new students around the school and then left to rejoin Alessa, Emilio and Carina.

  ----------------

Days went by, and Alessa, Emilio, and Carina stuck closely to Marinette. The rest of the class was still treating them coldly, but they were happy to have a friend in Marinette. While the small group wished Lila had been exposed in the initial encounter, they knew it would take some more time. They didn’t realize it, but Lila was about to make a major mistake and expose herself. Lila was nervous that the class would start listening to the new Italians in the class. Lila decided that she had to make sure the three would keep their mouths shut this time. She waited until she saw the weak link go to the restroom alone. Carina was just about to leave, when Lila walked in and cornered her. “Hello, Carina. I just wanted to make sure you still remember our little rules from Italy. If you dare breath a word against me to anyone but your loser friends or try to expose my lies to the class, I will destroy you here, just like I did back then. I already destroyed Marinette, and she was their best friend. So, they will obviously believe me, their close friend, over you, a stranger that just joined the class. They will believe whatever I tell them. Be sure to mind what you say.” Lila didn’t waste anymore time on this loser and went back to the cafeteria where her court awaited.

  ----------------

What Lila didn’t know is that Alessa had spoken with Rose earlier. Rose seemed the kindest of their new class and Alessa thought she would be safe to approach. She asked Rose if she would just humor her, for the first 15 minutes of lunch. Alessa knew that Lila wouldn’t be able to resist the opportunity to approach and threaten Carina, if she saw Carina alone. She told Carina, Emilio, and Marinette the plan and they all agreed. Alessa, and Rose waited inside the stalls in the bathroom. Carina made sure to leave the cafeteria alone, in full view of Lila. Lila took the bait immediately. Alessa had also made sure to hide her phone to record the whole interaction, so they had proof for the class, in case Rose’s testimony wasn’t enough. Rose was shocked by what Lila had said. She couldn’t believe their sweet friend could sound so mean. When she and Alessa emerged from the stalls and went into the locker room, they saw Carina sitting with Emilio and Marinette. Rose teared up, thinking of how Lila had mentioned Marinette. She quickly apologized, not just to Marinette, but Carina as well. Rose got the video from Alessa and sent it to the rest of the class, except for Lila of course.

  ----------------

The class was horrified by what they saw. How could Lila do that? Lila was really a liar? Marinette had been right all along. The class went back to the class room, looking for the lying Italian who had left the cafeteria earlier to ‘work on her newest proposal for Prince Ali’. Lila had been sitting alone in the classroom for about five minutes. Mrs. Bustier was still out for lunch, and Lila was looking at some official looking fake documents, in case someone came in. Little did Lila know, the class was already on their way and they were furious. As soon as the class walked in, Lila felt a chill go down her spine. She looked up into the venomous glares of her classmates, shocked that they were looking at her like that. What had happened? The class started yelling at her, everyone at once, and Lila couldn’t make out what they were saying. She looked behind the mass of angry faces to see Marinette, Emilio, Alessa, and Carina smirking at her. She knew instantly they had done something to cause this.

  ----------------

Lila eventually found out exactly what had happened. She had no idea that anyone else had been in that bathroom. If it had just been Alessa, Lila could have done something, but the group had thought ahead in recruiting Rose as a witness. A teacher eventually heard the commotion and came to figure out what was happening in Mrs. Bustier’s room. Alya showed him the video and he immediately took Lila to Mr. Damocles’ office since the video showed her obviously threatening a student.  Lila’s mother was called and was horrified to hear what her daughter had done. Mr. Damocles’ spoke with Carina, as well as Emilio, Alessa, and Marinette. When everything Lila had done to the group came to light, Mr. Damocles’ was speechless. Since threatening and bullying other students is a major violation of the student code of conduct, Lila was expelled. The rest of the class apologized to Carina and the others for believing Lila. They also apologized profusely to Marinette. They may not have turned on her, but they also didn’t believe her. They felt horrible that they didn’t even listen to Marinette’s concerns. Everything was forgiven and class became very close once more, happy that the lying Italian was gone from their lives for good.

[softxhariana]

34+35 live stream

description: ariana’s live stream before debut of 34+35 remix music video.

word count: 2.22k

A/N: little piece based off this live stream that ariana did in the countdown to her releasing the 34+35 remix music video with doja and megan. obvs not included every question but just a few fun bits and harry mentions for you x

also disclaimer, this is NOT real, if u don't wanna read about these two then don't, i’m not tryna act like they’re together it is fiction.

❤ anywayz hope u enjoy luvs xox

❖   "HELLO EVERYONE! thank u for coming to this premier,” ariana smiled sweetly at the camera, as the video cut to a shot of her for the beginning of the countdown.

“we had so much fun making this 34+35 remix video for you, and uhh, we hope you love it.” she continued, playing with her hair. no matter how long she did this for she swore she would never cease to get slightly nervous in these situations. where it was her alone, in front of a camera. but her fans made her feel at ease, and she felt she owed them something, as she hadn’t done many quarantine interviews like other celebs have.

“i thought i would come celebrate and join the countdown with you guys. which is something that I've never done before, but i’m very happy to be here and i was very excited to get some questions from you all...” she held up the sheets of twitter questions she had received, “um that i’m gonna be answering while i’m here so, i cant wait to celebrate this together and countdown and answer some of your questions!” she finished with a smile.

and it was genuine. a real smile that her fans were thrilled to see.

ariana was genuinely so happy and content with her life right now. with her family, her music, her friends, harry. harry her FIANCE!! might she add.

everything just felt perfect, and after all the shit the last couple years had thrown her way, she appreciated the break.

 she got her love back, she was making music that she fully loved, and put her whole soul into, and she had fans who had stuck with her and supported her through some of the darkest times in her life, that were now able to experience her happiness and personal growth with her. so truly, little things like this, felt like the least she could do for them.

“ohh this is a good one because its 34 35 related” she tucked her hair behind her ears, “@noirgrande said ‘ummm its just i wanna the end of 34+35 is it awww shit or nooo shit, i just wanna sing the song right”

“umm it is indeed no shit” she confirmed, smiling matter of factly at the camera before reciting the closing line of the song.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“@arianalocks1223 said ‘will we get to see the track list before the songs release?’” she paused for a second to process - which turned into a few more seconds, she was a bit slow today. she had told harry with full sincerity that she thought it was because she was getting old but he had just cracked up at her absurd statement, and told her that if that was the case he’d still think she was a milf

“you will!” she nodded with certainty, “indeed. ummm... i can tell you them now” she blurted, oops.

“i suppose thats not like... is that against the rules? can i do that?” she turned, to question scooter who was supervising off camera, not wanting to get her label mad at her for releasing too much information, something she has a tendency to do. 

after getting the nod of reassurance from him she turned back to the camera, “so out of ‘POV’, you go into, um, an interlude called ‘someone like u’. after that is a song called ‘test drive’, after that is the 34/35 remix with doja and meg” she smiles lightly, “and after that is a song called ‘worst behaviour’, and after worst behaviour is... a song called ‘main thing’...” she finishes, a shy smirk forming on her face, dimples appearing, “so that’s the tracks.” 

continuing with the countdown, ariana felt her heart warm at the love her fans were giving her and this album. she loved interacting with them and making them happy and proud of her so knowing she had done just that, was an amazing feeling.

“umm hesbloodsline... @hesbloodsline ... i’m really fond of this question because its really to the point, ‘where's the pig and where the fuck is harry?’” she smiled, holding in a laugh.

“piggy’s here, she's great, she's really doing so well and life is really good for her right now, she's really thriving and doing her thing” she ranted, a hint of sarcasm in her voice, “um, i make her big salads everyday that she likes, she's doing really great. she asked me to stop posting her as much because she's actually really offended by a lot of your jokes that you make on twitter, she asked me to have a word with you guys” she continued to joke, well aware that she probably found herself more funny than anyone else did right now.

“she doesn't like the jokes about being eaten, they really hurt her, umm yeh, and she asked me to convey that... no she’s great...” she finally decided to answer, “and harry, is on set today, so um, yeh thats where he is... but don't worry i will tell him to keep you in the loop, i’ve got you” 

ariana unconsciously let a small smile take over her glossed lips when talking about harry. he had been so excited about this new project and seeing him passionate and happy about anything he’s doing, always made her happiest.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“nicole! @nastyctrl. nicole said ‘who helped come up with the concept for the positions music video, love u sm ari’ love you so much to, i love you so much more” she paused, she loved this story,

“um this is actually a really funny story, dave and i had been going back and forth on several different concepts, and i couldn't, like... marry one... i couldn't really, like, really commit to one, i wasn't 100% sold. and it was missing a certain element of empowerment. and i kept, you know, trying to think of things that would make it more impactful cause i wasn't loving what we had...”

“anddd then me and harry were on this huge hike, and he just turned to me and was like, ‘what if you were the president?’ which was like, not at all fitting cause i was dying and complaining the whole time. but i was like,” she tried to imitate a shocked face through her smile and laughed 

“and when i called dave he was like ‘oh... kay, ill call you guys back’ and had the whole production team redo everything, and i had mimi pull completely different outfits and we completely started over cause that idea was what i was, craving and missing. and i was like, wow, thats so perfect” she smiled, shrugging her shoulders, “so yeh, honorary directing credit to harry styles, if you liked that”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“this is from @borderlinevinyl, who said ‘how much of the album was recorded at your little home studio?’ ummm..” she sang, looking off camera in thought, everything in quarantine had honestly just blurred into one so she was struggling to remember what exactly she recorded where,

“um... a lot of it was... i think i did parts of everything here and parts of things at tommy's i know i did, um, the final chorus ad-libs for positions at home” she began listing in her head, “i know i did all of off the table at home... i know i did the final chorus of my hair at home because we- i-” oops. she had to control the laugh threatening to leave her lips at the lack of subtlety in her correction

“-i got out of the shower and he was like ‘oh your whistles are really here right now’, and i was like y’know what... yeahh they are aren’t they” she laughed as she squinted her eyes and recited that part of the conversation, even trying to imitate his deeper accent.

she had been singing in the shower - as she always did - and harry joining her never seemed to stop her from belting out any whitney or old one direction classic she wanted to. he would even join in sometimes and they'd end up with their own mini concert, dancing around naked, shampoo and conditioner bottles in hand singing their hearts out to everything from high school musical to nicki minaj to fleetwood mac.

while it felt like too bold of statement to make as she truly revelled in and enjoyed everything they did together, showering with him was truly one of her favourite’s. whether it was steamy shower sex that had all glass surfaces in the room fogging up or letting loose and dancing and singing under the pouring water, every moment felt so intimate and sacred. it truly made her feel like they were they only people in the world. 

of course he would claim she was out singing him every time she whistled and would jokingly try to replicate the note but he was truly just in awe off the sounds that came from her mouth (in all senses of the word;)

"-and so i opened ‘my hair’ and just randomly did that” she continued, “um what else did i do here, i did the a lot of the backgrounds and ad-libs for 34+35 here, um, obvious was done at home, a lot of six-thirty was done at home”

caught in her own thoughts she only realised she had probably been droning on for too long when she caught scooters eye across the room and with a blush she shook her head as if to clear it, “this is an annoying answer, everything was kind of all over the place but i did a lot, a lot, a lot of the vocals for the album at the house" she finally finished the long answer, moving on quickly as she realised she didn't have long until the premiere and she wanted to answer as many of the questions as possible.

“ok, second last question from hannah, ever- @everdxystxless, im sorry i don't know how to pronounce that” she laughs looking up at the camera with wide eyes, not sure how exactly how she was supposed to go about pronouncing the username, 

“im sorry, um, but anyway she say’s ‘ari baby, how do you feel about harry getting to do a movie with florence pugh, we know your a big fan of hers, ps. i love you so much!’ well hannah, i love you too” she replies, as she thinks back to when harry first introduced the two, after she had gotten over the initial fangirling, the pair became amazing friends. florence struck ariana as such a genuine, loving person and they shared the same dry sense of humour. plus ariana might of been just a little obsessed with her accent - not that she would ever admit that and scare the girl off.

“and... um, yeah, it literally, made me beyond happy, i was fully like, fangirling when i met her the first time” she laughs as she plays with her hair, “she honestly, probably was like, ‘who the fuck is this girl? what is she doing?’”ariana imitated, a faux scared/weirded out look on her face, playing the part of a mildly pissed off florence - which she luckily had never been on the receiving end of, “im sure i was being the opposite of subtle about it but, no, she really truly is the sweetest, kindest, most beautiful, talented human being” she emphasises, the thought of any news outlets of fan’s trying to spin a ‘jealousy’ story about this making her internally role her eyes,

“midsommar is, like, one of my all time favourite movies, and she's amazing in it, and harry’s like so fucking lucky its crazy. so yeah, thats insane”

~~~~~~~~~

"...so yeah... thank you so much! this was so much fun!” ariana exclaimed as she wrapped up the Q&A, smiling wide at the camera, she knew her fans were going to love the music video and she couldn't wait for them to watch it, plus interacting with them in this way always made her happy.

“i love you guys, i miss you” she reminded, “i am so appreciative of everything you've done for this album, for these singles, for this music. i hope that, um, that this makes you super happy, i hope it makes you smile...we had so much fun shooting it and um, the girls are so fantastic, so i hope you love this and i hope you love the deluxe!” 

ariana didn't know how many more ways she could say thank you and express her gratitude but she still had over a minute and a half so she’d have to come up with something, even if it meant she’d sound like a broken record

“i am so thankful for everything and for the love that you've shown this music i cant even begin to articulate it properly so, thank you! i appreciate it so much” she breathed out all in one, “but anyway, the video should be starting soon, so... i hope you like it, don't refresh! it’ll be here soon... i promise... just don't refresh” she urged dramatically, she was really dragging this out, “but yeh” she got out through laughs “the video should be starting anytime now, i love you guys” she blew a kiss to the camera before moving as close to the lens as possible “byee”.

🖤 there u go!! i hope you liked it, and any feedback would always always be welcomed and so so appreciated pls and thanku x 

[angelikook]

Yoongi As Your Brother

Everyone knows how soft he is with the boys.

He's also like that with you, multiplied by 100.

Because you're his only sister.

And you were born right when he wanted to have a baby sister.

He's also overprotective because of that.

So overprotective he never lets you meet the boys.

Like ever.

But you're determined to change that.

“Yoongi, why don’t you ever bring me to work? I want to see you practicing.”

“No. You're just going to annoy us."

"I won't. I'll stay quiet."

"We all know you can't stay quiet."

"Touché. But just give me a chance. All the boys' siblings have seen BTS except me."

"You don't need to see them."

"But I want to know if BTS is like what the media portrays."

"I'm BTS."

"It's different. Please, Yoongi just this once."

In the end, you win much to his dismay.

Because you know there's no way he can say no to you.

Since you both were young, you only have each other because your parents are busy making money.

That's why if you have a problem, you'll come to him and vice versa.

"Y/n, do you have some time to talk?"

"Sure. What is it?"

"Lately I just feel not good."

"Like what?"

"Like I don't know what I'm doing."

"You know, I felt the same thing too."

"What did you do to overcome it?"

"I just focus on the things that I like doing. What do you like to do?"

"I don't know…"

"There's your answer. You need to find what you like to do first. Then you'll find your purpose and you'll feel better."

"Thanks, bro. I owe you one."

"Yeah you do. Buy me food."

"Again?"

"You said you owe me, though?"

"Sure. Whatever."

You constantly annoy him just cause.

But he just lets you.

Only you, though.

"Yoongi, what are you doing?"

"Working on my album."

"Can I listen too?"

"No."

"Come on! I'll tell you my opinion on it too."

"No, thanks."

"Yoongi, please."

"Y/n no."

"Just this once."

"And you won't annoy me ever again?"

"Well… I can't really promise that."

"Fine. Here, I'll play it for you only once."

"Yeay, thanks!"

Misses you 24/7.

Especially when he's on tour and has no time to call you.

"Why are you so glum?" Jimin asks one day.

"He misses Y/n," Namjoon answers.

"Just call her now. You still have some time before we go up."

"Jimin! You're a genius."

"Your welcome."

Unfortunately, you have a class when he calls.

So he slumps back into his chair, disappointed.

But after his concert ends, you call him back.

"Yoongi! Sorry I was in a class. What's up?"

"I just want to check up on you, mom, and dad. How are y'all?"

"We're good. Just focus on your job."

"I am. Do you have some free time before the tour ends?"

"Why? You want me to visit you?"

"If you can."

"I wish I can. Exam is coming up, so I need to study. Maybe mom and dad can come, though."

"But what about you? Will you be okay at home alone?"

"I'll be fine. Have you forgotten that I'm a grown up?"

"In my eyes, you'll always be that stupid kid who fell into the toilet."

"Hey! I thought we're way past that."

"It's too funny to forget."

"In my eyes, you're still the same evil Yoongi who chased my boyfriends away in middle school."

"You deserve much more than just those rowdy boys."

"Whatever. At least now you're on tour so I can date anyone I want."

"You're still not allowed to date until you're 30!"

When you're sick and he's still on tour, he panics.

He can't focus on his performance at all.

"What's wrong?" Jin asks after the concert ends.

"Y/n's sick and I haven't been able to call her."

"Tell our manager, I'm sure he'll let you visit her. We have a couple of days before our next concert."

After getting his manager's approval, he flies the first flight he can get.

Only to see you at home watching TV while eating popcorn.

"Y/n! Mom said you're sick."

"Why are you here?"

"Answer me first."

"Yes. I was sick, but now I feel better."

"You made me worried sick. You didn't even pick up my calls."

"Sorry. I just don't feel like opening my phone."

"Don't do that next time."

"Sure. Now that you're here, let's go eat pizza."

"Are you sure you're sick? You have a big appetite for a sick person."

"I eat to cope. Let's go."

"Only because you're sick."

He remembers you all the time.

Even when he's on vlive.

He likes to talk about you.

"Someone asked 'how's your sister?' to me."

"She's fine and healthy, thanks for asking."

"She actually was sick a couple of days ago."

"Thankfully she recovered pretty quickly."

"That brat got me worried, I flew back home as soon as I heard the news."

"And only to find her chilling in front of the TV."

When he's with the members, he still likes to talk about you.

"Y/n just finished another semester."

"Wow, that's great! I'll call her and congratulate her."

"No need, Jimin. I'll deliver your message to her."

"Why not? She's not busy or anything, right?"

"She might be sleeping, though."

"It's funny how she likes to sleep, just like you."

"It's because a genius brain requires more energy."

"So she's smart?"

"I'm her brother, of course she's smart."

"Interesting."

"Yes. It's interesting how she's way out of your league."

"Stop being so overprotective. She's already in college and probably meets a lot of people."

"True. But I told her not to date anyone until she's at least 30."

"Isn't that too cruel?"

"Nope. She's my baby sister and will stay that way forever."

When you have a fight with him, he holds your hand.

It's a technique he knows can calm the both of you down.

(And he uses it when he has conflicts with the members, too)

"Where have you been? It's midnight, Y/n."

"Out."

"With whom?"

"Friends, of course."

"I told you not to go out too late. What if something happens?"

"Nothing happened, Yoongi. Look! I'm perfectly fine and at home right now."

"Still! There are a lot of bad guys trying to get girls like you."

"I can keep myself safe, thank you."

"No you can't! You're just a girl."

"I'm a woman, for fuck's sake! Stop treating me like I'm a baby."

"Y/n, hold my hand."

"What?"

"Just hold my hand. I'm sorry, okay. I don't treat you like a baby. I'm just scared something bad happens to you."

"I'm sorry, too. I don't mean to lash out on you."

"Next time just tell me if you're going home late, okay?"

"Okay."

He never tells you how much he cares about you.

But you still know from the way he treats you.

He buys you your favorite food when you're PMS-ing.

He sits beside you quietly when you're sad, waiting for you to tell him your problems.

And when you start telling him everything, he's not even once interrupting you.

But if you're not ready to tell him, he'll just leave quietly after patting your back a bit.

When you're happy, he's also all smiles.

He buys you little gifts on your important days.

Like your birthdays, graduations,

Or even when you passed the exam week,

Or when you're alone on Valentine's day (partially because of his no-dating-before-30 rule).

Basically, you're his little princess and he doesn't want it to change. Ever.

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[mrsseverussnape]

Love Is You - chapter 10

    David Bowie concert in the last week was the best day Scarlett had in a while. Severus has offered her to have dinner in London before the concert and she has gladly accepted it. Before they left Hogwarts, Carina has insisted to take a photo of them because they have worn matching outfits without talking to each other and in Carina’s opinion they looked so cool. Her mother was wearing a long black tule skirt with a black jacket combined with a leather beret and long leather boots, her red hair was curled and her makeup was just a simple red lipstick and black smoky eyes. Professor Snape was wearing black trousers and a black turtleneck with a long leather jacket and he has put his hair in a messy bun. Carina has never seen him like that before but she was quite impressed by it. Then Severus and Scarlett apparated to London and their first destination was an Italian restaurant they used to go a lot. After having their dinner, they arrived at the concert hall. Severus has bought front row tickets and Scarlett couldn’t be happier. The moment David Bowie came up to stage, Severus realized Scarlett still didn’t have any self-control for Bowie but he was happy since Scarlett was having time of her life and actually losing herself in the moment and thinking nothing else but the music. After the concert they had a walk around the area and Scarlett insisted to treat Severus with a dessert as a thank you gift when she saw an open patisserie after the midnight. Severus had no choice but to accept it because Scarlett couldn’t take her eyes off the glass where they were showing the desserts. It was such a fun and needed night for both of them in the end of the day.

    This week would be Scarlett’s moving week; she was ready to move into her old house after living with Carina at Hogwarts for over a month by now. Carina wasn't willing to let her go yet but Scarlett needed her own place and privacy since she always loved to be alone, also she didn’t want to be a burden for Carina anymore. Furthermore she wasn't feeling much depressed anymore so she was trusting herself about not doing stupid things like over drinking or trying to kill herself...

    Scarlett has left their family house to Sirius even though she loved it so much but the last memories she had there erased all the good memories that the house held over the years. So she was moving the house that her parents bought her as a graduation present when she was 18. It was a Victorian style small duplex house with light blue and white exterior. The house had a small front garden where she has planted nothing else but roses. Scarlett has lived here with Severus for a year and with Sirius for 2 years until they got married. The house was already furnished, and she wasn't planning to change it at all except the bedroom. Also she has gotten her personal stuff from the family house and needed to place them too.

    Leo and Scarlett have gone to shopping for bedroom in weekdays and today; Saturday, Carina joined them too to decorate the house. Scarlett was decorating the bedroom all over again while Carina was taking care of the kitchen and Leo was emptying the boxes which Scarlett brought from the family house in the living room. Then he found a rather big, fancy trunk; It was emerald green and there was a snake wrapped around a rose design carved on the centre of the lid. Leo has never seen it in his life before but since his mum brought it here it must have been important to her. He couldn't help but wonder what was in it so he tried to open but it was locked as he has suspected.

"Carina, come here for a sec." he called out for his twin.

"Yes?" She walked into the living room and she saw the trunk in front of Leo. "What's that?" She questioned curiously, it was such a pretty looking thing.

"I was hoping you would know..."

She sat down the floor next to him and examined  the trunk. "That carving looks familiar to me but i dunno from where..."

"Alohomora." Leo whispered suddenly but the spell didn't work on the emerald trunk. "Well, now i am even more curious..."

"Leo! Maybe she has very personal things in it. We can simply ask her and not try to open it secretly."

"We've never seen it and it's locked with a strong charm apparently. Do you really think that mum will "simply" say what's inside the trunk?"

"Then maybe we shouldn't unlock it! What she could possibly put inside it, anyways?"

"That's the point. Don't you wonder what's mum hiding!?"

"Maybe i do, a little..."

"Do you have any idea about where the key is?"

Carina thought for a while. "You know she keeps the bank vaults’ keys and some other important ones in the same keychain. Maybe it is also there?"

"I think the keychain is still in her bag because we went to Gringotts yesterday. So the plan is you will go upstairs to distract mum from coming down here and i will try the keys on the lock. She has left the bag in the doorway."

"Okay fine but if you can manage to unlock it, call me for help or something and i will come to see. But don’t be suspicious."

"Okay, let the mission begin!"

Carina made her way to the upstairs when Leo went to the doorway to check the bag. It wasn't hard to find the keys in the bag. There were 5 keys in the keychain; 2 of them were for the bank, 1 was for her own vault which she keeps in the house that Leo knew. So there was 2 other keys left. Leo tried to first one but it didn't even fit the lock. The last one was smaller than the previous one, he still kept his hopes high and tried the last possible key. And then he heard the click when he put it inside the lock. He carefully turned it and the trunk unlocked itself. Leo snickered to himself and opened it slowly. There were many kinds of things in the trunk but the big purple photo album with velvet cover caught his eyes the most. He took it out carefully, he was trying not to move anything in the trunk that she could notice later, then before took a look inside the album he called his twin as he promised. Carina came down running excitedly after couple of seconds.

"Mum is not coming anytime soon, she is so lost with the clothes right now." She whispered and sat next to him.

"There are so many things in it! It is like a memory box but bigger version. Probably the presents dad got her when they were dating or such because there are some jewellery boxes." Then he showed the photo album he took out. "Are you ready to take a look inside?"

She was looking unsure and having second thoughts. "I don't feel very comfortable about doing this behind her back to be honest..."

"Oh c'mon Carina, we made it this far and i saw how excited you were while coming here! Some mischievousness won't hurt anyone, be daddy's girl for once!"

She rolled her eyes at his statement. "Fine fine, open it!"

"NO WAY!"

"Is this...?"

"YES! MERLIN’S BEARD!"

"Be quiet Leo!" Carina slapped his arm.

They looked through the photos in silence and shock for a while until Carina broke it.

"I have told you that there is something between them, i felt it from the very first moment I saw them in the same room!"

"You did but i wasn't expecting THAT. Some big love is happening here! Professor Snape and mum… I would never imagine this pair in my wildest dreams, bloody hell!"

"I wonder why she never mentioned it before, we talked about relationships countless of times and she was like dad was the first and the last. Mum literally acted like she doesn't know Professor Snape for years!"

"Maybe the breakup wasn't smooth. But I remember whenever you talked about Professor Snape which you did frequently; dad was always annoyed and mum was avoiding talking. I bet there is some drama here. " Leo put the photo album back in the trunk. "I am locking it, this shock is enough for today and apparently it is very personal..."

She nodded. "I will learn their story soon."

"How will you do that exactly?"

"Leave the job to the professional and don't worry about the rest." A mischievous smirk appeared on Carina’s lips.

Taglist:

@snapefiction @lizlil @elizabeth-baelish @misselsbells06 @mais-e @lunnybunny12 @anfre109 @entirelymesmerising @wolvesofwinter13 @mrssnivellussnape @mestin-writes

If you wanna be on my taglist, let me know!

[jovialyouthmusic]

Double Trouble

Bastien’s foster parents come to meet the twins, and he receives a gift that brings back painful memories...

Word count 2774

A/N You may need a tissue at hand for this one, Bastien is reduced to tears himself. There are a few Greek words here, but I’ve tried to make them obvious or translated immediately afterwards. My favourite was the word for grandmother, which is pronounced ‘ya ya’. You may notice I’ve chickened out from writing a chapter devoted to their wedding - at least for now...

5 Parents, old and new...

‘They’re here – the guards at the gate just rang through’ Bastien announced. Sophia cast an eye around the apartment to check all was spick and span.

‘Does it look right?’ she queried. ‘If it’s too tidy it will look like we’re not taking enough time with the twins, but if it’s untidy it looks like we can’t cope.’ Bastien walked over to her and kissed her forehead.

‘Don’t worry, theà mou’ he soothed ‘Althea will understand. She’s fostered plenty of babies as well as older children. She knows a little disorder isn’t a bad sign’

‘Did you ever get drafted in to looking after any younger ones?’ she asked.

‘One or two, but she never left me alone with them. Being totally responsible for small babies is a task for an adult.’ He went to the door just as a wail started up on the baby monitor. Sophia grimaced.

‘They certainly have a good sense of timing’ she said ‘I’ll go and see who it is and what they need.’

‘I’ll go down and greet our visitors. Don’t be worried about feeding them, they wouldn’t bat an eyelid, but if you want to stay private, stay in the nursery and I’ll check with you.’ He kissed her again and went to greet his foster parents, there to see the twins for the first time.

They lived only a few hours drive away in Greece but said they’d wait until the couple had settled into parenthood. Sophia’s parents had booked their flight from the Channel Islands and would be there the next month. If it hadn’t been for various video calls, her mother might well have demanded that she and Bob move lock stock and barrel to Cordonia, but Sophia had told them they weren’t sure they would be staying in the tiny European country for good. She had received a job offer from Edinburgh and had deferred it until the twins were older, and there was a lot of support at the Palace. They didn’t have to worry about cooking, laundry or cleaning, and Hana had volunteered to help too. She had experience with Savannah’s children, and would most likely go on to help the Queen when she gave birth to the heir.

She went into the nursery to discover that Theo needed a nappy change, and she was in time to get that done before his wailing woke his sister, who was a determined and deep sleeper. Changing him was an easy task compared to his sisters indignation at being messed around.

As she worked, she remembered that the last time she’d seen her own parents was at their wedding. It was a small affair, and her mind went further back to when they’d discussed getting married, some time after Bastien had proposed. They were taking a break at the villa in Greece that Costa and Althea owned, this time entirely on their own. They lay out in the sun after a swim in the clear blue sea.

‘Mum asked me when we’re getting married.’ Sophia said, reaching for a cool drink.

‘Then we should probably set a date’ Bastien replied. ‘That is, if you think we should do it’

‘It’s odd’ she said ‘I like the idea, but we’ve made our commitment to each other already. I don’t need a ceremony to know we intend to be together for the rest of our lives’

‘But perhaps other people have to acknowledge it’ Bastien pointed out ‘Plus it’s better legally, if anything should happen to one of us’

‘I could never understand my friends who started planning their weddings when they were teens’ she had said. ‘My best friend had a scrapbook and she’d collect pictures of dresses, think about venues and colour schemes and so on. I don’t think she cared who she married, and she expected it to happen before she was twenty’

‘How did that turn out?’

‘She did actually find a really nice guy to marry, but she was the original Bridezilla. He got fed up with her tantrums and stood her up at the altar – or in her case, at the beach. In Jamaica. He’d never even got on the plane to go there. Her family and friends had a wonderful holiday, but she spent the whole time crying and cursing him until one of the waiters caught her eye’ Bastien sucked his breath in between his teeth.

‘Did that put you off, theà mou?’

‘Just a little. But my wedding day wasn’t the apex of my expectations. I wanted to find someone to share my life with – and I have’

‘So what do you think we should do? What do you want?’

‘I don’t want a big wedding. A registry office would do – and a minimum of guests. In fact, just you, me and a witness would be enough. But my mother would never forgive me’

‘May I make a suggestion, then?’

‘’Of course, Bas. Fire away’

‘Why don’t we get married in Guernsey? That would please Edith, and it would keep the guest list down. We could always have a reception back here after a short honeymoon’

‘That might work. Wouldn’t Costa and Althea want to come to the wedding though?’

‘Hmmm. They’d understand if I told them we’d want to keep it small’

‘We, Bas? Are you happy with that?’

‘I think the same as you. It’s a formality – a legal piece of paper. It doesn’t compare to what we already have together. I’m happy to do whatever you want’

‘Well aren’t we a pair’ she had laughed ‘The reluctant bride and groom’

‘But enthusiastic lovers’ he joked, and swooped down on her, kissing her and picking her up to carry her inside.

So it was that they travelled to the tiny island where they had a small ceremony at the registry office with a reception at a four star hotel, arranged by her father. Some of his work colleagues attended as many of them had been impromptu Uncles when she was growing up, and a few of her school friends went too. Drake went as Bastien’s best man and representative of the Crown, being the third party in King Brad’s Cordonian marriage. It had been decided that he and Lucy would not attend, to keep the wedding low key. They had a short honeymoon on one of the smaller islands, and on their return King Brad had insisted on a lavish reception party in the Palace Ballroom. He had flown the happy couple back for the occasion in the Royal jet along with Bob and Edith.

After that, they had briefly discussed having children and decided to try as soon as they could, due to their age. Bastien had visited a sperm bank when he had a vasectomy on joining the Guard, and they were advised to try using that whilst waiting for his medical procedure to heal and his count to go up. Despite being told it would most likely take a few tries, the very first treatment worked, and Sophia had to defer taking up a job offer at Edinburgh University.

As she buttoned up Theo’s romper suit she heard the apartment door close and there was the babble of conversation in the main room.

‘You don’t look hungry, little man’ she cooed to the baby ‘Come and meet your pappous and giagià’ She picked him up, peeking into Beatrice’s cot, but she slept soundly. She resolved to come back for her, to keep the twins in synch with their naps. She had barely entered the lounge before Althea had plucked Theo from her arms with cries of delight.

‘Oh, mikros’ little one she gushed ‘I giagiá sou eínai edó’ your grandmother is here ‘Aren’t you such a delicious creature, I could eat you all up’ She turned to her husband ‘See how he looks like his father’ Costa nodded gravely, pursing his lips.

‘He does’ he said shortly, leaning over to appraise the baby. He looked up at Sophia.

‘And here is his mitera’ he smiled, and walked over to kiss her cheek. Althea only had eyes for Theo, rocking him and speaking in rapid Greek. Theo was mesmerised and gazed at her, entranced. ‘You look well, Sophia’ he said ‘I hope our Antras is looking after you and his mikra’

‘He’s very attentive. It’s good to see you, Costa. I hope the journey was okay’

‘It was very quiet – when Althea fell asleep’ he said, dropping his voice to a stage whisper.

‘You think I don’t hear you, old man?’ Althea cried ‘You’re lucky I’m holding our foster grandson. And where is his sister?’

‘I’ll get her’ Sophia said.

‘Let me come with you.’ Costa offered, and she led the way.

‘I’m sorry you can’t stay with us’ Sophia said as they went. ‘As you see, our spare room is occupied.’

‘Don’t worry my dear’ Costa boomed in his deep voice. ‘I know better than anyone how tiring Althea is to have around. We won’t stay long, we have friends to visit in the Capitol.’ As they entered the nursery Beatrice was stirring. Costa made a cooing noise as soon as he saw her.

‘Oh mikros – little princess.’ he clucked ‘Here, come to Pappous.’ and leaned over the cot, tenderly picking her up. Sophia held her breath, not knowing how she would react. She made little squeaking noises as she woke, her eyes opening to an unfamiliar face. She squinted and opened her mouth to protest but the sound of his voice lulled her as he crooned to her. He turned to Sophia.

‘They are both so dark.’ he said, referring to the shock of black hair that both children sported. ‘Your lovely blonde hair has not come through.’

‘It’s only natural.’ she smiled ‘We knew they would probably take after Bastien.’ They returned to the lounge, where Althea declared she would have to split in two in order to make the most of the babies. Costa stood facing her, and they rocked and sang to them together, doing a little dance. Bastien looked over at Sophia, whose face had lit up with joy to see the charming interaction. Theo gazed at his entertainers with fascination while Beatrice made odd little expressions and noises, waving her little starfish fingers randomly.

‘This one is musical, see?’ Althea said ‘She has a sense of rhythm. She will be a great singer or a concert pianist, just you see.’ Costa laughed.

‘Theodore is quiet and stoic like his father. Perhaps he too will be Captain of the Guard’

‘It’s a dangerous job, Pateràs. I wouldn’t wish it on him.’ Bastien commented. At that moment Beatrice decided she’d had enough of being joggled about and started to grizzle.

‘Your little princess needs her materà.’ Costa said, handing her over carefully. She made a face as if she was searching for a nipple.

‘Do you mind…?’ Sophia asked.

‘Go right ahead, I may never have fed one myself, but I would have if I could.’ Althea replied, so Sophia settled down to nurse. Theo remained in Althea’s arms, sucking his fingers and gazing back at her. ‘You need your strength, Sophia, so I brought some food for you.’ Althea sat close to her. ‘I know the palace kitchens cook for you, but I don’t think they make proper Greek food. It’s like medicine – my pastitsio will cure anything, and my moussaka would satisfy a giant.’ She nodded toward Bastien’s broad frame ‘Even our àntras there. How do you think he grew to be such a mountain of a man?’ Bastien rolled his eyes.

‘I think we might have to get a freezer of our own to store all the food Althea brought for us.’ he said drily. She turned toward him.

‘Look in the cooler bag – there’s Greek salad and dolmades and olives, and bread I baked this morning.’ Bastien shook his head, smiling.

‘You shouldn’t have, Althea’ he laughed ‘But it’s very welcome’

Before too long the dining table was set with a Greek feast, and Costa sat with Beatrice resting on his chest, making little circles on her back to bring up any wind, and Bastien had given him a napkin in case of accidents. Sophia sat nursing Theo, and Althea hovered over her with a plate full of finger food.

‘Eat, eat’ Althea urged her ‘The babies will grow fast. Start getting bigger clothes for them, you will see’ Soon it was Bastien holding Beatrice to wind her while Sophia sat at the table to eat, and Althea fussed with plates and food as if she was the host, not her foster son and partner.

At last they had done justice to the food, and Costa was the one to wash the plates while Althea played with Theo.

‘Oh, I almost forgot.’ she said suddenly, addressing Bastien. ‘I brought you something.’

‘Althea…’ he protested, but she had already handed the baby to Sophia and was rummaging in a bag. She brought out a small package and handed it over. Bastien took it curiously, and carefully unwrapped it. It was a small piece of fabric – a flowered pattern with a satin edge. He stared at it for a moment, and Sophia was shocked to see his eyes watering, hand resting on his cheek in shock.

‘Materà.’ he said, choking with emotion, struggling to keep his composure ‘I didn’t know you still had this.’ Althea went to him and put her hand on his arm. He grabbed it and kissed her fingers, tears running down his cheeks.

‘We found it when we cleared out some old boxes. I knew you’d want it.’ Her usual brusque tone was soft and tender.

‘I thought – I thought it was lost’ Bastien choked. Sophia was baffled, and she suddenly found Costa at her elbow, patting her arm. She put her hand on his, looking up in query. He spoke quietly as Bastien covered his face, shoulders shaking with silent sobs.

‘It’s from a dress that his mother wore.’ he said in a low tone. ‘He kept it under his pillow until it got lost – we’re not sure exactly when. It’s the only thing that belonged to her that he had.’ Sophia already knew that Bastien had been fostered when his mother had become a drug addict and died tragically when he was a teenager.

Bastien got to his feet and shakily left the room. Costa went on to tell her that Althea had made the keepsake for him and quietly left it in his room when he was a surly and unruly teenager. They had noticed an improvement in his behaviour soon after, even though he had never acknowledged her kind action.

‘Go, he needs you.’ Althea said softly ‘The twins will be fine with us.’ Sophia handed Beatrice to her and got to her feet to follow him to the bedroom, where he sat holding the piece of fabric, tears still silently flowing down his cheeks. She sat next to him and handed him a tissue. He slowly calmed and mopped his eyes, taking a shaky breath.

‘I hated her when I was younger.’ he said hoarsely ‘But later on I realised it was a sickness that changed her, bad people who made her make the wrong choices. She never meant to hurt me.’ He turned the fabric over in his hands. ‘I wish every day she’d been stronger, been around to meet you. Now I feel as if she’s here.’ She took his hand and squeezed it.

‘She’d have been proud of you, I’m sure. I’m only just starting to understand what it’s like being a mother. I know if anyone tried to hurt our babies, I’d go out of my mind.’ He nodded.

‘Not everyone can cope with being a parent, even with the best intentions.’

‘You never had any doubt about whether you’d be a good father?’ she asked gently.

‘Of course I did, but I had Costa and Jackson to emulate’ He blew his nose. ‘And you had good examples, so I never had any doubt about you.’  

‘Althea should have been more sensitive.’ Bastien smiled weakly, his eyes red but dry.

‘It’s okay Sophia, it needed to be done. They’re here to look after the twins while I process it’ He took her hand and squeezed it ‘and while you support me. It was a good time to do it’ He got up and held out his hand. ‘Speaking of which, we should get back before they need a nappy change’

‘Something tells me that wouldn’t phase either of them’ she smiled, and rose to embrace him and kiss his cheek.

@sirbeepsalot @katedrakeohd @fluffyfirewhiskey @kingliam2019 @rainbowsinthestorm @camillemontespan @texaskitten30 @bascmve01 @nomadics-stuff​

​

[crygimethydgoode]

Lover’s Fantasia Chapter 1 (Crystal Methyd x Gigi Goode RPDR12) Cruel Summer

no rules in breakable heaven 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32286397/chapters/80027176

June 28th, 2021

Amsterdam

It was a fresh start. And it was exactly what Gigi needed after finally starting to feel like herself, finally seeing the sun without her smile. It was a new city bustling with new people and new experiences. It was perfect timing too. Soon after Biden was sworn into office, vaccines were being rolled out. By spring Gigi was fully vaccinated, she could finally go out with her friends and feel the sun beating down on her skin. Her best friend had just won Drag Race, and in late May they celebrated with a trip to Mexico. Gigi was performing again, living again. She breathed in the fresh air that was once masked with a piece of cloth. Everything was finally going back to normal.

Well, almost everything.

Because some days Gigi still went to Venice Beach to sit alone for a moment, allowing herself to bask in the almost nostalgic feeling. Allowing herself to feel that ache in her chest she had fought so hard to push down the past year. But she knew that feeling wouldn’t last, so she’d leave, telling herself it was for the best. Then the sun blinded Gigi through her curtains early one morning when she got a call from Jaida Essence Hall and Michelle Visage offering her a gig for the summer in Amsterdam. And Gigi couldn’t help but hope. It was Hunter who ultimately convinced her to go.

“It’ll be good for you,” he said. “It’s new. It’s nothing she’s… touched.” And Hunter was right, so that night they booked a ticket to Amsterdam. Gigi was excited, she really was. What could be better than spending nearly three months with Jaida and Michelle while they prepared for the iconic Amsterdam Pride? It was the perfect opportunity.

So why did Gigi’s chest ache as she made her way through customs? She decided to ignore it, which was something she had gotten used to doing. The Schiphol airport was much different than LAX. It didn’t have the same white interior and harsh lights that always caught Gigi in her worst moments, no, this airport was different. It was modern, but not artificial. With plenty of art, places to sit, and excitement. It was enough to make her nerves settle.

Gigi’s eyes scanned the horizon through the large windows, and if she squinted she swore she could see Amsterdam, her home for the next few months. She saw The Man in the Clock and quickly took a picture, captioning it “surprise!” before sending it to her story. She decided to keep Amsterdam a secret from the fans, mostly because she couldn’t promise that when the day came, she would be able to get on the plane.

“Don’t be dumb,” Symone said to Gigi as they walked into the airport, Hunter trailing behind. “This is a good thing, Gigi, you’re gonna realize it as soon as that plane takes off.”

So Gigi boarded the plane, not wanting the last time she saw Symone for a while to end in a fight. And she made it to Amsterdam, but now she wasn’t exactly sure what to do from here. She decided going to baggage claim would probably be a good start.

As Gigi walked to the baggage claim, she decided that Symone was right, and this really was the best thing for her. It had to be. She stood waiting for her suitcase when a flash of color caught her eye. Her heart dropped into the pit of her stomach, hoping her eyes were just playing tricks on her. It wouldn’t be the first time. Sometimes she’d see a head of curls on the street and her heart would skip a beat, and the sensible part of Gigi’s mind would remind her that they were worlds away.

Gigi assumed it was just her wishful thinking and continued to look for her suitcase and waited for the tightness in her chest to go away. But then the flash of color Gigi had seen came into full view. A hot pink suitcase covered in various stickers with a leopard print scarf tied around the handle. Suddenly her heart shot up from the bottom of her stomach into her throat. Gigi blinked a few times, trying to wake herself up from this nightmare. ‘It couldn’t be,’ Gigi thought. ‘There’s no fucking way.’

“Excuse me, pardon me,” a small nasally voice said. ‘No. Nope. This can’t be happening. This cannot be happening. Fuck this. It’s not her, it couldn’t be.’

“Excuse me, thank you- Gigi?”

Fuck. Gigi took a deep breath and grabbed the pink suitcase, as well as her own. She turned around.

“Hi,” Gigi said.

“Hello?”

Summer 2019

Drag Race

Gigi paced around her hotel room, deep in thought. It was her first day off after the first challenge. Gigi had been stuck in her room all day, just expected to sit around and do nothing. Just expected to ignore the longing in her chest for her friends back home. Hunter, Symone, Rosy, Marko, who were just a short car ride away, technically. But Gigi was locked in her hotel room, being told to enjoy some time off. In solitary confinement. What a way to celebrate the fact she had just nearly won her first challenge of Drag Race, placing in the top two of the very first challenge. Gigi was on cloud nine, relieved that she made a good first impression.

And that the judges liked all the helmets.  

But Gigi was so lonely, all she could do was lay in bed and watch weird daytime television. She tried to watch the shitty soap operas but they were just so boring and corny, she couldn’t stomach them. She didn’t have anything to work on, anything to read, nothing. She even attempted to work out, jogging around the tiny hotel room. That lasted for thirty seconds.

Gigi knew the obvious solution. One of the first things she had noticed in her hotel room was the conjoined door, which led right into Crystal’s room. Crystal Methyd. Probably the weirdest person Gigi had ever met. Not just because of her crazy bright drag, clown makeup, and outrageous but perfect amount of jewelry. No, she was shocked by how drawn she was to Crystal. She really was unlike anyone Gigi had ever met.

When Jackie asked Crystal if she was a fashion queen or a comedy queen, and Crystal just responded with “Fashion queen, comedy queen, I’m a TALENTED queen,” Gigi was completely fascinated by her. And then she actually got to talk to Crystal and get to know her a little bit, and Gigi knew in a heartbeat that Crystal was special. She was bright, sociable, and funny. But also really quiet, drawn into herself. Gigi couldn’t quite decide what it was, but Crystal had something the other girls didn’t. She needed to be her friend. So Gigi came up with a game plan.

She obviously couldn’t just knock and say she was bored like a loser. What if Crystal didn’t want to be bothered? What if Crystal hated her already? No. Gigi had a feeling Crystal just wasn’t that kind of person. Maybe she could ask to borrow sewing supplies, saying that she wanted to polish up one of her runway looks. And then she would just... charm Crystal into having a conversation with her? That could work. It’s not like Gigi had many options.

So she walked to the door that went into Crystal’s room. “Go before you’re ready bitch,” Gigi said to herself. She took a deep breath, raised her fist to the door, and before her screaming mind and pounding heart could stop her, she knocked. She could hear rustling coming from Crystal’s room, probably her crawling out of bed.

‘Do you have a big sewing needle? Do you have a big sewing needle? Do you have a big sewing needle?’ Gigi said over and over in her head. And then, before she was ready, the door swung open, and there she was. Crystal Methyd. Gigi’s breath caught in her throat and she prayed Crystal didn’t notice.

Crystal’s mullet had been put into two messy space buns on top of her head, little tendrils of curls framing her face. Gigi could tell that Crystal had hastily shoved her glasses on; they were lopsided, slowly slipping off her nose. There was only one word to describe the person who was standing in front of Gigi, being engulfed in an oversized One Direction concert T-shirt. Adorable. Her game plan flew out the window, and she was left there, speechless, looking like an idiot. What did she want again?

“Hi,” Gigi blurted lamely. Crystal’s face split into a grin, and Gigi could tell she was trying not to laugh.

“Hello?” Crystal asked in her sweet voice. Maybe it was her soft appearance. Maybe it was the fact that Gigi was too bored to care. Or maybe it was Crystal’s kind smile and bright eyes that made Gigi immediately relax. This was just Crystal. The same dork who had a One Direction tattoo on their chest in Arabic. She’s just... Crystal.

“I’m so fucking bored,” Gigi sighed, letting herself smile.

“Oh my GOD, me too! I thought about knocking on your door but I didn’t wanna bother you. Do you wanna come in?” Crystal offered, stepping to the side. Oh. That’s it? That’s all it took?

“Yeah,” Gigi grinned and stepped into Crystal’s room. Gigi’s heart was still pounding, her stomach still felt like it was in her throat. And there was Crystal, already climbing back into the bed, beckoning Gigi to join her. It felt like… it felt like Gigi was truly seeing Crystal for the first time. And her heart was still pounding. It felt good.

Amsterdam

Gigi had imagined what it would be like to see Crystal again for the first time, she had thought of scenario after scenario. Maybe she would enter the Werkroom for All Stars and there Crystal would be standing, a bright grin on her face. Or maybe one day they would be randomly booked for the same gig and they’d bump into each other backstage. Gigi also had wondered what it would feel like to see her again. She expected it to feel like a punch in the gut, or maybe like she was drowning, gasping for air while trying to find the right words to say. But as Gigi stood in the middle of the Schipol Airport looking into Crystal’s brown eyes, the only thing she found crashing over herself was a wave of relief. Crystal was still... Crystal. For some reason, Gigi assumed Crystal would be different, or maybe Gigi assumed she would feel different. But she stood there and felt as the familiar fire began to burn in her chest.

“What are you doing here?” Crystal asked, a slur of emotions ridden on her face.

“I-”

“Oh good, you found each other!” Jaida’s voice called out. Gigi and Crystal’s heads both whipped to see Jaida and Michelle Visage.

“Welcome to Amsterdam bitches, it’s about to be the best summer ever!!!” Michelle ran to them, giving them each a hug, Jaida following suit. Gigi felt like she had just been slapped in the face, but she put on the best grin she could, and Crystal did the same.

“Look at us, top three reunited! I can’t believe it’s almost been a year since Drive n’ Drag,” Gigi’s breath hitched in the back of her throat and she hoped no one noticed.

“Totally,” Crystal said, voice falling flat.

“So excited.” Gigi managed a smile. Jaida cocked an eyebrow.

“You two okay?” Michelle asked. Gigi was anything but okay.

“Yeah. I just got to go to the bathroom before we leave,” Gigi said. She heard Jaida and Michelle questioning Crystal as she walked away.

“She’s probably just jet-lagged,” Crystal shrugged. Gigi walked faster. She rushed to the bathroom, locking the door behind her.

“Fuck,” Gigi exhaled, fumbling for her phone, not exactly sure why. Who would she even call? If Gigi told Hunter now, the rest of the day her phone would be blowing up with messages. Besides, it was around 6 AM in LA, Hunter wouldn’t even be awake for another few hours or so. Gigi decided to just splash some water on her face, hoping she didn’t worry Jaida and Michelle too much by running off.

And Crystal.

God, what could Crystal be thinking right now? Gigi took a deep breath and stared at herself in the mirror. “You got this.” And with that, she walked out of the bathroom, head held high.

“Y’all ready?” Jaida asked.

“Ready,” Gigi nodded. With a loud whoop, Michelle and Jaida started towards the exit of the airport, Crystal and Gigi trailing slightly behind. After a short walk through the parking lot, they arrived at Jaida’s rental car. Gigi put her suitcase in the trunk and tried to ignore Crystal, who was clearly watching her. Jaida was driving, Michelle had taken shotgun, which meant Gigi and Crystal would be sitting in the backseat together. Great.

Crystal and Gigi sat in their respective seats. They didn’t lean in and talk to each other, they didn’t slowly find themselves inching closer and closer until their shoulders were pressed together, they both just busied themselves by looking out the window at the flatland that seemed to go on forever. Luckily, the drive was only about twenty minutes into the city. They made some light conversation, but it was clear that Crystal and Gigi couldn’t match Jaida’s and Michelle’s energy.

“Oh! There’s this long-ass tunnel coming up. No, Michelle, I’m not talking about your throat,” Jaida said. Gigi tried to see Crystal out of the corner of her eye. She had a worried expression on her face. ‘It’s not my problem,’ Gigi thought to herself. ‘ It’s not my job to make sure she’s okay.’

Gigi knew that. But that didn’t stop the sick feeling rising in her stomach as the tunnel appeared in the distance. She bit the inside of her cheek, Crystal shifted uncomfortably in her seat as they entered the tunnel. “Weee fuckers!” Jaida cackled. Crystal forced an uncomfortable laugh.

“Can we put on some music?” Gigi folded. Crystal visibly relaxed.

“I thought you would never ask!” Michelle said, handing back the aux cord. “Who wants it?”

“Crystal, you want it?” Gigi said, trying to sound as neutral as possible. Crystal just nodded, plugging her phone in quickly. Before they knew it, the car came out the other side of the tunnel, being filled with sunlight once again.

“Oooh, ladies we are getting close! I’m so excited for you guys to see Amsterdam. You’re gonna love it here,” Michelle said after a few more minutes of driving.

“Wait, how close? Because I have something very important I need to do,” Crystal laughed. God, Gigi missed Crystal’s laugh. She had almost forgotten the way it could fill and brighten the room.

“Well this is our exit, so do what you need to do, girl,” Jaida said, taking the exit. Gigi waited, wondering what Crystal could possibly have planned. Suddenly, in the distance, the tops of roofs appeared as the busy highway turned into a bustling street full of cyclists cutting through the road, causing Jaida to scream. The buildings changed from modern, glass exteriors to faded brick masonry.

Citizens and tourists alike walked the cobblestone streets freely, other people driving didn’t blink an eye at the cyclists who truly ruled the streets. Everyone was going at their own speed, each person had their own tempo they went to. It was refreshing, seeing everyone just doing. Gigi was almost emotional, this was still her fresh start despite… everything. She could actually see herself calling this place home.

Just then, she heard it. “Boom, Clap” by Charli XCX started playing out of the car's speakers, and Crystal was wearing a shit-eating grin. Gigi tried desperately to force back her smile, but couldn’t. They turned down road after road, slowly finding their way into the heart of the city. It was fucking gorgeous, it almost felt like they had gone back in time as the vintage buildings captivated them completely. Gigi felt the excitement rise up in her chest, she couldn’t stop grinning. She stole a look at Crystal, who to her surprise, was looking back. A feeling rose within Gigi, hope, maybe. And then Jaida slammed on her breaks, causing everyone to lurch forward in their seats.

“DAMN IT’S LIKE THE VANS ALL OVER AGAIN!”

Drag Race

Once all the queens had gotten out of drag, they were escorted to the vans, which brought them back to the hotel. Gigi soon found that one of her favorite parts of being on Drag Race was oddly the van rides to and from the studio. It was about a fifteen minute drive in the mornings, but a 45 minute drive when they had to go through heavy L.A. traffic. But Gigi enjoyed it. She liked sitting with Crystal, just shooting the shit. Sometimes all the girls would make up stupid road games to pass the time, which annoyed the hell out of the driver.

But most of the time, Crystal and Gigi were off in their own little world, foreheads nearly pressed together, hushed whispers about whatever stupid random thing they were talking about, two giggling messes. But things were different tonight. The challenge was Snatch Game, and Gigi was going through a whirlwind of emotions. She had just WON Snatch Game, which was totally unexpected but meant everything.

But she had also gotten into her first “TV fight” and it wasn’t as glamorous as she had expected. If anything, she just felt like shit for coming after Heidi’s makeup out of nowhere. Yes, she looked cracked, but Gigi wished she had just kept her mouth shut.

BUT SHE HAD JUST WON SNATCH GAME.

‘I’m not just a fashion queen anymore, bitches,’ Gigi thought gleefully. And then her attention turned to the queen who was walking to the vans slower than usual, head cast down. The night had been so hectic, Gigi had only been able to talk to Crystal a couple of times since the runway. Poor Crystal. If Gigi had a bad night, it was nothing compared to hers. Crystal’s Snatch Game didn’t go so well. At all. It was shit.

No one but Gigi had really understood it. While Crystal’s Poppy was accurate, the judges didn’t find it funny. Gigi thought it was amusing. Entertaining? Well,  at least her performance wasn’t as bad as Aiden’s or Britta’s.

The queens climbed into the vans, all going to their unassigned assigned seats. Gigi, Crystal, and Jackie sat in the way back, Crystal in the middle. Gigi couldn’t help but smile as Crystal slid in next to her, shoulders knocking together.

“Hey,” Gigi whispered, tilting her head to look at Crystal. She just gave Gigi a sad smile, resting her head on her shoulder. Gigi’s stomach immediately dipped, her whole body on fire. ‘Is my heart really beating that fast?’ she thought, feeling the pounding against her chest. She prayed Crystal didn’t notice. If she did, she gave nothing away. She just nuzzled her head closer to Gigi’s neck, letting out a sigh. Gigi could practically feel Jackie smirking at them, but couldn’t be bothered to care. She loved these van rides for a reason.  But they couldn’t know that. So Gigi just gave a soft chuckle and leaned into Crystal. “You good?” She whispered. Crystal gave a small nod.

“‘M just tired,” Crystal murmured. The vans took off, and they were immediately stuck in L.A. traffic. Within five minutes Crystal was fast asleep. Gigi allowed herself to relax for a moment, just thinking about the person that was practically sleeping on top of her. Things with Crystal were... interesting. It was weird how fast they clicked. The minute Gigi had built up the nerve to knock on Crystal’s door, they had become nearly inseparable. Of course they were close with the other queens, but Crystal and Gigi had each other on lock, painting next to each other, working on their challenges together, riding in the vans together, always.

And nearly every night since had been spent in each other's hotel rooms; practicing the lip syncs, sewing costume pieces together in silence, or just talking about everything and nothing. They were just there for each other. Within the span of two weeks, Crystal had become one of Gigi’s favorite people in the world. Gigi couldn’t help but wonder if the feeling was mutual.

Suddenly the van hit a huge bump, causing everyone’s heads to smack the ceiling.

“Did you hit a fuckin dog?!” Gigi heard Jaida ask the van driver. With a soft laugh, Gigi turned her head to see Crystal was awake now, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

“We hit a dog?” she whispered, still half asleep. Gigi chuckled and shook her head.

“No, it was just a bump,” she replied. Crystal let out a breath, laying her head on Gigi’s shoulder again.

“Your snatch game was so good,” Crystal muttered dreamily. Gigi could feel her face beginning to heat up, but tried to keep her cool.

She’s just Crystal. Just Crystal.

She’s just... Crystal.

“Thank you,” Gigi replied softly. She wasn't sure why, but something gave her the nerve to reach for Crystal’s hand, giving it a light squeeze. Crystal laced their fingers together and didn’t let go.

“I’m just so happy for you. You’re killing it, Geege. You’re gonna go all the way,”

“Yeah well, I’m not going anywhere without you. So you better do good next week. I need you,” the words came out of Gigi’s mouth before she could even think to stop herself. Crystal raised her head, turning to look straight into Gigi’s eyes.

“You will not see me in the bottom again,” Crystal said, a determined look on her face. And Gigi believed her.

“I know.”

The vans pulled up to the hotel, and everyone was escorted to their rooms. Crystal and Gigi said a quick “goodnight” in the hallway in front of the producers and went into their respective rooms. And then Gigi heard it. Her knock. Gigi opened her conjoined door and there Crystal was, looking like she was holding back a shit-eating grin.

“Was my Snatch Game really that bad?”

“Crystal...” Gigi trailed off. And they both burst into laughter. And it was nice.

Amsterdam

It was nice to laugh with Crystal again, nice to feel carefree and happy with her again, driving through the streets of Amsterdam as Jaida and Michelle pointed out a few of the clubs.

“You bitches aren’t ready to see your apartments! We’re all in the same building, Jaida and I are a floor below you,” Michelle said excitedly, turning back in her seat as Jaida turned down a narrow road.

“Y’all are on the top floor. Michelle and I didn’t wanna go up all those stairs. Sorry bitches!” Jaida cackled unapologetically. So not only did Gigi have to spend two months in Amsterdam with Crystal, she also had to live right next to her.

‘This is fine. Amsterdam is still my fresh start. This is fine. I will be alright,’ Gigi repeated over and over in her head until Jaida parked on the side of a busy street, her car parallel with one of the many canals in Amsterdam.“See that coffeeshop?'' Jaida pointed at a tall building across the street that was much wider than the other ones. There was a coffeeshop on the bottom floor, the storefront painted bright turquoise. All along the windows were tiny versions of all the different pride flags waving in the wind.

Looking through the windows Gigi could see walls covered in art as people sat in booths, passing joints around with dazy grins on their faces. And Gigi couldn’t help but grin too. “We’re living right above it! Pretty good gig, right?! Me and my girl Michelle tiptoe down the stairs every night, we smoke a little, laugh a little, and stumble up into our beds. You two are gonna love it, I know,” Jaida explained as everyone helped unload Crystal and Gigi’s suitcases. Gigi could tell Crystal wasn’t paying attention, looking around the city in wonder.

Jaida and Michelle started to cross the street towards the apartments, but Crystal was still standing in the same spot, watching the hustle and bustle of Amsterdam.

“Crystal,” Gigi called, not wanting to cross the street without her. Crystal’s head snapped in Gigi’s direction, and she immediately ran towards her, suitcase in trail.

“Sorry. Thanks. It’s just all so...” Crystal trailed off as they followed Michelle and Jaida into the apartment building.

“I know,” Gigi muttered, giving Crystal a tight smile.

“Right,” Crystal said, her voice barely above a whisper. They walked up a narrow stairway behind Jaida and Michelle. After climbing four long flights of stairs, they finally stopped. The four stood on a small landing, barely fitting. There were two doors across from each other, the one on the left labeled 28, the one on the right 27. “I want 28!” Crystal blurted, eyes wild. Gigi had to hold back a laugh.

“That was your apartment anyway, dipshit. Michelle, if you wanna give Crystal a tour of her apartment, I can show Gigi around hers,” Jaida said, and pulled Gigi into her apartment. She looked around at the narrow but long room. Immediately to the left, there was a door that led to the bathroom. Gigi stood in front of the door, looking at the small kitchenette before her, knowing she would never use it. But there was a small table with four chairs that Gigi immediately knew she would use to organize all of her drag stuff. To the right, there was a huge bed with fluffy white pillows and a matching comforter. And right next to the bed was a door that led outside.

“THAT’S RIGHT BITCH YOU GOT A BALCONY!!!” Jaida exclaimed as she dragged Gigi outside. She was immediately blown away by the sight. The balcony overlooked a small canal, jutting over the water. There was no road, just another set of apartments on the other side. But to her right, Gigi could still see the main street where Jaida’s car was parked, tourists and dutch folk alike going in and out of the small shops and restaurants. “And you get to share the balcony with Crystal! You two will have fun out here,” Jaida winked at her. Gigi saw another door right next to hers, which she guessed led to Crystal’s apartment. Conjoined balconies. Cute.

Jaida walked back inside, leaving Gigi no time to dwell on it as she went in after her. “Anyways, not much of a tour, there’s not much to see, but I just wanted to help you get all settled in! At like, 7, I thought we could get dinner? Go explore the city a little?” Jaida stood at the door, a glint in her eye. She knew.

“Yeah. That’s great,” Gigi replied easily. Jaida opened the door, and Gigi couldn’t help but stop her. “You left out some key details when you invited me here, Jaida. I didn’t know Crystal would be... joining us,” She tried to sound as casual and pleasant as possible, but she gave Jaida a pointed stare.

“Oops must’ve slipped my mind!  SORRYBYE,” Jaida winked and practically ran out of the apartment. And Gigi was alone.

“Fuck,” she said out loud. “Fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK!” Gigi collapsed onto her bed and immediately took out her phone to FaceTime Hunter. “I don’t care if you’re sleeping, bitch, pick up,” She whispered, waiting to see Hunter’s face. He finally answered, still in bed. Gigi could see Marko’s sleeping body next to him.

“Geege it’s so fucking early whaaaaat,” Hunter groaned. ‘Oh just you wait bitch,’ Gigi thought. No matter how miserable she was, she couldn’t wait to see Hunter’s face when he found out.

“Guess who’s joining me, Michelle, and Jaida in Amsterdam?” Gigi said in a false cheery voice. Hunter just looked at her for a moment, and she could see the realization slowly dawn on his face.

“No.”

“Hunter...” She said, feeling the familiar tightening in her throat.

“No,” Hunter said again, and Gigi was surprised to see tears in his eyes. Fuck.

“Yeah,” Gigi said lamely, now trying to fight back her own tears. She had almost forgotten just how shitty her situation was. Almost.

“Gigi...” Hunter whispered, hand clasped over his mouth.

“Hunter...” Gigi’s voice cracked, and fuck she was crying again.

“A whole year of progress, of you finally... finally being your old self again. It’s all-all gone. And those assholes didn’t even tell you?!” Hunter was pissed now, getting out of bed and pacing around the darkroom.

“No, but it’s okay! I’m still me. This is still my fresh start, I can do this. She doesn’t matter,” Gigi said fiercely. And she wanted to believe herself so badly. But Hunter didn’t look convinced. And she wasn’t either.

“Gigi... what are you gonna do?” Hunter asked, still shell shocked.

“I don’t know. I don’t know. I guess just... keep my distance? I don’t know, Hunter,” Her voice cracked.

“Hasn’t the universe put you through enough?” Hunter implored, desperately trying not to break. Gigi had also forgotten how hard everything had been on him. How he was left to pick up her broken pieces.

“I guess not,” She answered lamely. She just looked at Hunter for a moment and watched as he took a deep breath, collecting himself. And then he went into momager mode.  

“Okay. Here’s what we’re gonna do. You are not going to be alone with Crystal. Ever. You have worked on yourself way too much to throw it all away for her. Okay? If you feel like you’re gonna do something stupid, call me. I don’t care if I’m sleeping, I don’t care if I’m at a rager. I don’t give a shit- Fucking call me. You can’t do this again Gigi. We can’t do this again,” Hunter ordered Gigi, giving her no room to object. And she easily agreed, even though a small, secret part of her didn’t want to. Not long after Hunter hung up, going back to bed. As Gigi stared at the ceiling, she knew she was utterly fucked. After all, when had Gigi ever actually listened to Hunter?

Drag Race

When Gigi heard a knock on her door, she wasn't exactly surprised. Crystal had been coming to visit every night since the Political challenge. And every night Gigi dreamed in screaming colors. At first, she tried to blame it on the excitement of being on Drag Race, but Gigi knew she was just lying to herself. She opened the door and of course, Crystal was there. Her mullet was pulled up into a top knot with a scrunchie, a mischievous grin had taken over her face, one hand behind her back. Needless to say, Gigi was ready to say yes to whatever Crystal had in store.

“What’s behind your back?” Gigi cocked an eyebrow.

“Well, I told you I was saving a joint for my first win...” Crystal sang, revealing a joint and lighter in hand.

“Oh my fucking god,” Gigi laughed, a rush of excitement crashing over her.

“I figured if we turn on the steam-fan-thingy in the bathroom and smoke in there everything would be fine, right?” Crystal asked. It was a bad plan. Definitely a bad plan that could get them both in trouble. But Gigi couldn’t be bothered to care.

“I’m in,” She grinned.

“Okay, we have to go to the vending machine first though,” Crystal said, and then “I already begged the producers to let us go together, be thankful it’s Annie and Noelle babysitting tonight.”

They walked down the long hallway, visibly excited. Gigi leaned against the side of the vending machine, peering at Crystal through the glass as she punched in item after item.

“Are you a peanut butter gal? I kinda am. It’s not my first choice but also not my last choice, you know? God, I wish they had Swedish fish...” Crystal kept on rambling about candy, but Gigi couldn’t hear over the pounding in her chest. The artificial light shone in Crystal’s face, and Gigi had to force back her smile. As she got lost in Crystal, Gigi couldn’t help but feel as if she was breaking out loud, the way she never did. “That should cover it,” Crystal said, arms full of snacks. The smile Gigi was forcing down shone through. “What?” Crystal asked, looking shy. Gigi smiled.

“Nothing. Come on, let me help,” she said, taking some of the snacks. They went back into their respective hotel rooms before Gigi entered Crystal’s room through the conjoined door. Crystal turned on the fan, it was a little annoying, a little loud, but didn’t matter at all to Gigi. Crystal threw all the snacks in the tub, and Gigi saw the lightbulb in Crystal’s head.

“I just had the best idea-”

“One step ahead of you,” Gigi laughed lightly, already going to sit in the bathtub. Somehow, their legs ended up in a tangled mess, but neither of them moved. Gigi grabbed the joint and cleared her throat. “This joint is being smoked tonight to honor the one and only Crystal Methyd’s first win!” Gigi said. Crystal cheered for herself. “I will now do the honorary lighting. Miss Methyd, if you would.” Crystal held the joint between her lips. Gigi had to hold her breath as the flame reached the joint. Crystal inhaled deeply then exhaled through a grin.

“Finally!” Crystal laughed, passing the joint to Gigi. She took a hit, sending all the smoke into her lungs then back out. They passed the joint back and forth a few more times until Gigi could feel the familiar buzzing in her chest and the tingling set underneath her eyes. She found herself giggling as she watched Crystal take another hit, coughing as she exhaled.

“Okay!” Crystal coughed. “First impressions of each other, go!” Gigi took a second to think. She had replayed the first time she met Crystal in her head over and over, but it was hard to put what she felt into words.

“Uhm... I remember you walked into the werkroom, and I thought ‘What is this thing-’” Gigi started. Crystal immediately started laughing, shifting to face Gigi. “And then you introduced yourself, and you talked about your One Direction tattoo, and I... I don’t know, I feel like I immediately could just be me around you. You were just... I don’t know. Yeah,” Gigi finished. Crystal passed her the joint.

“I thought you looked like Kelly Mantle at first. And I absolutely thought that you were going to hate me,” Crystal laughed. Gigi’s jaw dropped.

“Crystal-”

“I’m sorry.”

“You thought I looked like Kelly-“

“It was the hair-”

“-Mantle? Bacon dress girl?”

“Only for a second! And she’s a VERY talented Drag Queen!”

“Why would you think I’d hate you?”

“Because you were like... pretty. Not pretty, you were stunning. And stunning people sometimes don’t like me or don’t understand my drag. I don’t know, I just thought you’d hate me. People do,” she shrugged. Gigi didn’t know what to say. “I don’t know. You just made me... nervous? Then I heard you knock on my door on our first day off, and I got so excited because I just really wanted you to like me,” Crystal giggled, but there was weight behind the words.

“Crystal Elizabeth Methyd, there is no world where I could ever hate you,” Gigi said. Crystal looked at her differently for a second.

“Did you just call me Crystal Elizabeth Methyd?” Crystal chuckled. Gigi didn’t even realize she had called her that.

“Yeah...?” she said. Crystal just burst out laughing.

“I love that! That’s my name now. Crystal ELIZABETH Methyd. I sound fancy!” Crystal giggled.

When Gigi got the call saying she made it on Drag Race, this was the last thing she thought would happen. She didn’t think she’d find herself opening up one stitch at a time to Crystal. Yet as the smokescreen faded in and out of view, legs tangled, something screamed from within her. Crystal took a hit, then exhaled the smoke onto a piece of chocolate.

“Gigi, look! I made you an edible!” she laughed. Something screamed from within Gigi, and it screamed “This is exactly where you should be.” They finished the joint and ate all the snacks while swapping stories and laughs back and forth. Gigi learned a lot about Crystal, she learned about Get Dusted and all the work Crystal did for the drag community in Springfield with her friends. Gigi couldn’t wait to meet all of them. She also learned about Crystal’s fear of tunnels.

“Like, there’s cars above you, and you’re just stuck and I get all claustrophobic… it’s just not good,” Crystal explained. Gigi loved learning about Crystal, she loved watching her eyes light up as she praised her friends back home, about everything she accomplished with the Get Dusted girls. And Gigi loved as Crystal listened to her long-winded life story that she had definitely already told her before. But Crystal paid close attention, gasping in all the right places, listening intently. Hours had passed without either of them realizing it.

“Shit. It’s probably three by now,” Gigi groaned, rubbing her tired eyes. Crystal sighed.

“This is my least favorite part of the night,” she said. Gigi cocked an eyebrow. “Saying goodbye.” And again, Gigi saw a light bulb appear in Crystal’s brain. “You could stay the night!”

So Gigi crawled into bed with Crystal and tried to ignore the butterflies in her stomach. She dreamed of Crystal in the glow of neon signs, her hair, her glasses, her hands, her. When Gigi woke up, the silence of morning couldn’t be louder.

Amsterdam

At some point, Gigi found the motivation to get out of bed and stop moping, worrying about how she was going to avoid Crystal all summer. But Hunter was right. She could do this. Why would she ever be alone with Crystal anyways? All she had to do was lock herself in her apartment. Never go out on the balcony. Always make sure she was with Michelle or Jaida. Gigi could do it. And if she ever felt like she couldn’t, she would just FaceTime Hunter. She could do it easily.

But still. A small part of her didn’t want to.

Gigi shoved that intrusive thought down real fast and got changed for dinner. At 6:45 Jaida and Michelle came knocking on her door, and soon the group of four was off to dinner. Gigi had no idea where Jaida and Michelle had taken them. All she knew was that the booth was way too cramped, her arm nearly brushing Crystal’s. She thought this would be the worst part of dinner. But really it was Jaida and Michelle’s lame attempts at small talk.

“So. Crystal,” Jaida began, looking at her expectedly. “Why did I hear a little rumor that Widow is babysitting your cat?”

“Um... because she is,” Crystal giggled awkwardly. And then they were right back to that awkward silence. They soon finished up their meal, and Gigi didn’t look at Crystal the rest of the night,  knowing she couldn’t. Knowing it would unlock something too strong. Something she couldn’t just push down and forget. But then Crystal was walking on the edge of a canal, arms spread, trying to balance. Fucking idiot.

Gigi found herself slowly inching closer to Crystal, knowing she was tipsy and stupid. She noticed. The minute Crystal could feel Gigi’s presence, her head whipped to look at her. And then she stumbled. In a flash, Gigi’s arms flew out, one hand clutching Crystal’s elbow, the other one pulling her by the shoulder. Crystal stumbled into Gigi, but at least she didn’t stumble into the canal. Crystal regained her footing, quickly pulling away from Gigi after muttering a lame “thanks.”

Gigi’s mind was going crazy, her heart was pounding, her body on fire. That was the first time she had touched Crystal since... that was the first time Gigi had touched Crystal in ten months, just short of a year. It was all too much. That was the first time she had seen Crystal in a year. The first time she had spoken to her. She had been cut off from Crystal for nearly a year with absolutely no contact, just trying to forget about her. Could Gigi really do this? She thought she could. She hoped this would get easier.

“Y’all wanna smoke before bed?! I think it’ll be magical,” Jaida turned. Crystal hummed in agreement, Gigi just gave a silent nod. They soon made it to the coffeeshop they lived above and walked in. The inside was decorated with all kinds of weird shit. There was no specific lighting source, just a bunch of random, probably thrifted lamps scattered across the shop, casting different shades of light across the floor. There was a bookshelf filled to the brim with books and magazines. Gigi swore she could see the Harry Potter series next to some old Playboy magazines. One wall was covered with vinyl records that had been painted over. Every record was different, painted by different Dutch artists. Gigi’s favorite was a sunset over the desert, a car driving past with a U-haul trailer attached. She knew this would become one of her favorite spots in Amsterdam.

Crystal, Gigi, and Michelle sat at a table while Jaida went up to buy two joints for them to split. She came back shortly, an excited grin on her face.

“Just a little nightcap ladies,” Jaida sang, and Gigi had to chuckle. At least she had Jaida. Jaida put the joint between her lips, lighting the end of it. Gigi watched the top burn away as Jaida deeply inhaled. As she blew out her smoke, Jaida gave Michelle a lazy grin and passed it to her next. Soon Crystal had the joint, taking a hit.

“Blow O’s!” Jaida cackled as Crystal obliged. Gigi fought back a smile. And then Crystal passed her the joint. It fit easily between Gigi’s fingers, but she was confused. All she saw was the back of Crystal’s head. It was turned, looking down at her phone. And then she realized. Crystal wouldn’t look at her. And all Gigi could think was, ‘What have we done to each other?’

Eventually, they finished passing the joints around and followed Jaida through a side door that led to their apartment building entrance. Gigi gave long hugs to Jaida and Michelle on the third-floor landing, not caring that they had blatantly lied to her about Crystal being there. It wasn’t worth it. And maybe this would end up being a good thing. She hoped to god it would.

Crystal didn’t say goodnight, just ran up the stairs and went into her apartment without a word. Gigi didn’t know how that made her feel. Relieved? At least she wouldn’t have to say an awkward goodnight to Crystal. Yes. This was good. No Crystal is a good thing. So why couldn’t Gigi stop thinking about her as she got ready for bed? Why couldn’t she stop replaying everything over and over in her head? Seeing Crystal for the first time since...

Gigi was supposed to be okay without Crystal. She thought she was. She had gotten better in L.A. It didn’t hurt every time she thought about Crystal, just more of a dull ache. Gigi had let herself let go, move on to a life without Crystal. And she was hoping that she could do the same thing in Amsterdam, despite seeing her every day. But it was only day one. And all she could think about was Crystal.

Crystal at the airport, Crystal in the car, Crystal walking along the canals, Crystal passing Gigi the joint, refusing to look at her. Her mind was all just... Crystal. And she just wanted to forget. But that was impossible. Crystal had found a way to burrow into the deepest depths of Gigi’s brain, refusing to leave. Did Gigi really want to let go?

How do you let go of someone when you’ve spent the last year desperately wanting them? When you’ve spent the last year replaying every moment together over and over in your head, wondering what you could’ve done differently, wondering where it all went wrong. How do you let go of someone when for so long, it was the last thing you wanted to do? How do you let go of someone when your heart is screaming at you, begging you not to, no matter how much you know you should?

As Gigi brushed her teeth, she heard Crystal opening her balcony door and stepping out onto it. She peaked out the window and saw her lighting a joint, sitting in one of the chairs. A year ago Gigi would’ve joined her on the balcony in a heartbeat, complaining that Crystal hadn’t invited her in the first place. Now Gigi was just utterly... confused. How do you let go of someone when she’s right there on your shared balcony, and all you want is to just be with her, no matter how much she might hate you?

‘Maybe I should call Hunter. He’ll stop me from doing anything stupid.’ But Hunter was worlds away, and couldn't really do anything to stop Gigi. A part of her knew this was coming. She knew she’d cave eventually and try to talk to Crystal. Why? Why did Crystal have so much power over her, still? And why was Gigi trying not to smile as she heard Crystal coughing outside? Even when things were so different, even though everything had changed, Gigi couldn’t help but admire Crystal, who was now just scrolling on her phone, lazily holding the joint between her fingers. Absolutely wasting bud, if Gigi may add.

Gigi’s feet started moving before her mind could scream at her to stop, going before she was ready. Her hand slowly went to the doorknob,  just hovering there. Was it worth it? Was she going to throw it all away for Crystal? All the tears, all the talking, all the driving, the countless days where she forced herself to get out of bed, knowing she would forget about her someday? All the days where Gigi really had forgotten about her? When she felt like she could finally breathe again? Gigi felt that familiar burning in her chest. And she knew. There’s no way to let go of Crystal Methyd. Not when Gigi swore two summers ago she never would.

LAX

Gigi felt the knot forming in her stomach when she passed the sign that read “LAX 5 MILES AWAY.” Crystal had the same sad smile on her face as Gigi. It was really about to be all over. The summer of competing, crying, laughing, smoking, sneaking into each other's hotel rooms, lingering glances, and shy smiles. Why did it have to end like this? In Hunter’s Jeep, Rosy blasting “ Cruel Summer” by Taylor Swift, all the windows down, letting the music rumble through the speakers and through their chests. Crystal and Gigi’s shoulders pressed together even though there was plenty of room in the backseat.

Why did it have to end at all?

Hunter took the exit, and Gigi started to feel sick. Crystal was supposed to have one of the vans bring her to the airport, but couldn’t refuse a ride with Gigi, Hunter, and Rosy. And Gigi hoped that Crystal accepted the ride because she too, couldn’t stand saying goodbye just yet. Just yet.

It was bittersweet. Of course, Gigi was happy to go home and be with her friends and family, but she couldn’t shake the sense of dread ringing throughout her body.

“You want us to drop you off at the front, Crystal?” Hunter asked.

“I’m gonna go in with her,” Gigi blurted, knowing she couldn’t say goodbye... just yet. Crystal looked at Gigi, beaming. “I don’t think Crystal could drag five suitcases around an airport by herself.”

“Oh sure,” Crystal murmured, nudging Gigi slightly. Crystal didn’t notice Gigi blushing, but Hunter did, sending her a knowing look in the rear-view mirror. Hunter found a parking spot after about ten minutes of looking around.

“It was so nice meeting you, Crystal! I absolutely adore you my fellow Aries,” Rosy said, grabbing Crystal’s hand and giving it a parting squeeze. Gigi caught Hunter’s eye again.

“I’m sure we’ll talk soon, but it was really nice meeting you,” Hunter said.

“Thank you guys so much for giving me a ride, you’re literally the best,” Crystal said. And so she and Gigi dragged the suitcases out of the Jeep before walking into the airport together. It was packed with a lot of people going home after spending their summers in LA. Gigi didn’t dare look at Crystal, scared she would see right through the brave face Gigi was trying to maintain despite the tears threatening to fall. Gigi watched from a distance as Crystal checked in and got her ticket, breathing slightly shallow. She knew what was coming next, she wasn’t stupid, this was always inevitable.

“All checked in!” Crystal tried to sound her usual cheery self, but Gigi could hear the sadness in the back of her voice.

“So this is it...” Gigi said, looking anywhere but Crystal. Crystal grabbed Gigi’s hand.

“I’ll see you soon. I promise,” Crystal said, voice cracking slightly. Gigi chuckled, tears stinging her eyes.

“Don’t cry cause I’ll start crying,” Gigi said, blinking back her tears.

“Geege...” Crystal put her hand on Gigi’s face, her thumb gliding across Gigi’s face. Chills ran down her body.

‘don't go, don't go, don't go’

“You have to go, you have a flight to catch,” Gigi said, composing herself quickly.

“I know, I just-”

“I know.” Gigi looked Crystal in the eye, who had tears streaming down her face. “Believe me, I know.” Crystal threw her arms around Gigi, and Gigi held on. She held on so tight her chest felt hollow. It was inevitable. There was nothing Gigi could say to make Crystal stay, she knew that. But that didn’t stop her from trying.

“You could just stay for the weekend, you know?” Gigi said into the hug. Crystal hugged Gigi tighter.

“I can’t, I gotta get back home to Paul and Tictak,” Crystal whispered.

“Paul?” Gigi asked, though the pessimist in her already knew the answer.

“My boyfriend,” Crystal said. The knot in Gigi’s stomach burst, now feeling empty and gutted, utterly hollow. Of course. Gigi pulled out of the hug.

“Oh. Well, um-”

“He’s just very um- private. He asked me not to talk about him on the show... And then it... just never came up I guess,” Crystal said, sounding slightly guilty. Crystal shouldn’t feel guilty, she owed Gigi nothing. Gigi knew that. She kept repeating it.

“No, I get it. I just uhm-”

“Shit, I’m sorry I got to go through security or I’m gonna miss my flight. I hate goodbyes. I hate that this is happening-”

“It’s okay, Crystal,” Gigi gave Crystal’s hand a final squeeze. “We’re gonna see each other soon, remember?” Gigi said. Crystal’s lip was trembling, she nodded quickly.

“Yeah. I’ll see you soon,” Crystal said. And that was it. Crystal walked away. Gigi couldn’t bear to watch as the person who completely captivated her left to go be with someone else. And Gigi just hoped she could smile long enough, just until Crystal turned back over her shoulder, finally ripping her gaze from Gigi. She waited, a painful smile on her face that made her cheeks ache, waving Crystal goodbye. Goodbye, for now.

Alas, Gigi didn’t bother wiping the tears streaming down her cheeks as she walked back to Hunter’s Jeep.

“Hey!- oh god she’s crying,” Rosy said, getting out of the car to wrap Gigi in a hug. She immediately started crying in Rosy’s arms. Hunter stood, a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“You really like Crystal, don’t you?” he asked gently, which made Gigi hurt even more. She tried to answer, tried to form a sentence, tried to say it’s just a crush or we’re just really good friends but she couldn’t admit that, not yet, so instead she said.

“She has a fucking boyfriend.”

And as Gigi stood in the middle of the LAX parking garage crying in Rosy’s arms, she only thought one thing. ‘I will not let go of you, Crystal Methyd. I will not let go.’

Amsterdam

Gigi’s hand landed on the doorknob, and she knew Crystal heard it. ‘Go before you’re ready bitch,’ She turned the doorknob, and felt the warm summer air on her face. And there Crystal was, looking up at Gigi with a dumbfounded expression. “Hi,” Gigi said softly, smiling at Crystal. She watched her visibly relax, returning the smile.

“Hello,” Crystal grinned, putting down her phone.

“We should probably talk about... everything.”