#if anything it is a little sad to consider this plot is pretty much the first time she's faced with real life harshness directed at her

[thatscarletflycatcher]

*And another one*

I don't hate Rory, but I still think Mitchum was right, and I also don't think he was conspiring against Rory and Logan's relationship, and I also don't think he was extraordinarily mean and harsh (read extraordinarily as "beyond average experience of people in such a situation").

First thing: neither Mitchum nor Rory when speaking of her career are speaking of her becoming an average, serviceable, or even a competent desk research journalist. All references we get to the sort of job Rory aspired to is the kind of aggressive, go get it journalism: running through war zones, uncovering conspiracies, relentlessly pursuing the news and truth, demanding it, tearing it from people that don't want to give it.

And in that, Mitchum is right: Rory doesn't have what it takes. She's a kind, shy, sensitive people pleaser. She works well in structures where her duties and perks are delineated, where she receives encouragement, support and praise. She's not an entrepreneur the way Jess is, for example.

And her internship proved it. She did not push Mitchum to give her what she needed, she did not take every opportunity to showcase her talent, she just looked around and settled for the secretarial and managerial tasks no one else was doing. Which I think are important tasks that require skills that are not as easily found as you might think (punctuality, asiduity, patience, a well organized mind, manners and words that make other people cooperate with you and with each other, ability to recognize people's talents and put them to good use, comprehension of the big picture as a whole and in its details, all traits that Rory showed excellence in also later on in the DAR and as editor of the Yale Daily News).

Mitchum didn't tell her she didn't have what it takes to be successful in general or to work in journalism in general; he told her she didn't have what it takes to be a top dog aggressive reporter. And the series proves him right. Rory never becomes that, but she does become, an extraordinarily talented editor there where someone like Paris failed miserably.

As for the harshness, I'm not saying it is desirable, this is not "people need toughness to become good". But I was made to cry three times a year for three years as a student teacher. Every evaluation was a devastating list of all my failures in teaching a class. That wasn't the thing that made me a competent teacher, but I can attest to you none of those professors had any personal beef with me.

They weren't harsh or unfair for some secret motive. They had evaluated hundreds of students and I was just one more; the tearing to shreds of my classes was not personal. Mitchum is the owner of several newspapers and an empire. Rory is not the first person he has mentored, and given Logan's track record where he slept and fooled around with his sister's bridesmaids when his relationship with Rory had a couple months hiatus, Rory also isn't a specially distinct face in the universe of Logan's lady friends. We are so used to everyone seeing Rory in the show as super special, and also because she's a main character, but that doesn't mean everyone in her universe sees her that way.

I'm not saying that it's contradictory to canon the idea that Mitchum might have had second motives, but it's also not a given, and the opposite is as arguable and as plausible.

[hyunniesgirl]

Bad intentions | Part 1

Pairing: nerd!Han Jisung x popular!reader(afab)

Summary: you thought you could turn Han Jisung into the perfect boyfriend material so you can get revenge on your cheating ex. Little did you know that you would end up getting much more than just a guy to show off.

Genre: fluff, angst, smut(for the story in general, this part has no smut)

Words count: 8,056

Slightly inspired in the movie She's All That

*This is the second fic to my series Love is a mess. The stories can be read as standalones but they are all connected so some details mentioned may sound off.

Disclaimer: Jisung is proud asf, OC has kind of a sad backstory and has anxiety(not explored very deeply but there are descriptions of her symptoms), this part is just suggestive so no smut

Part 2

This story is NSFW and is going to have +18 themes so MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

A/N: okay for the sake of the plot let's pretend for a moment that Han Jisung can be considered anything other than smocking hot, alright?

A/N²: My idea was for all the stories from this series to be oneshots but I just kept writing and writing and this one was almost 13k already and I haven't even gotten to the good part so I thought "I almost never read anything over 10k" so I split the oneshot for the sake of my readers attention span.

Jisung likes to think that he's better than all the guys fawning over you, he likes to think that even if he had a chance, he'd never lust over you. But well, sometimes a strong denial turns out to be an implicit affirmation.

It all started in social studies, he was trying to go over his notes for the test but the conversations happening at the same time didn't let him pay any attention to what was written in the sheets. There were five different conversations happening at the same time, but they all had the same subject: you.

Apparently, you had a boyfriend who cheated on you with a girl from a rival university? Or some trivial shit like that. Jisung doesn't understand why that matters to anyone but you and the said boyfriend. He doesn't understand why everyone feels like such a painful experience is any of their business. But he guesses it comes with the job.

Everyone knows you, you're the classic cheer captain, who dates — or dated — the infamous quarterback in the football team. People envy you, cherish you, they want to be you and he always thought they loved you, but after hearing so many snarky comments about you in the last 20 minutes, he's actually starting to pity you.

You wanted to kill him, Seunghoon, that bastard. He destroyed a relationship of a year just to get in someone's pants? Fucking idiot. You hate him so much for cheating on you, but you hate him the most for not showing up kneeling at your door and asking for forgiveness. Who does he think he is? He would never have gotten his position on the football team if it wasn't for you, everyone knows that.

It's an understatement to say you are always the best in everything you put your mind into and if you're not the best by nature, you work hard until you become the best. You are smart, pretty, popularity is your thing, you're used to getting everyone's attention wherever you go. Everyone loves you, or at least they pretend well enough.

So when you started dating this guy, who was a nobody it was pretty shocking for everyone else. You turned him into the most popular guy so he could stay by your side, so you expected a little bit of loyalty from him. Guess that was expecting too much from a horny dog like him.

You did love Seunghoon, you wouldn't have dated him for a year if you didn't. But his character was always questionable, that, you won't deny. There's that saying that love makes you blind but you knew that he's no good and yet stayed with him, that's on you.

You can't stand the pity looks people give you when you walk down the hallway, they could at least pretend they are not talking shit about you behind your back.

To think the semester has only just started, you wish you could take a year off to make sure things die down nicely. But if you do, you'll definitely lose your position as cheer captain, there are too many people willing to get rid of you so they can get your title.

It's best for you to try and get rid of these thoughts, so you hold your head high turning on a corner, decided to pretend everything is okay. That's when you bump into someone, dropping the books you have in your hands and your phone screen down on the floor, gasping immediately, the last thing you need right now is a broken phone.

When you lean over to collect your things, the person who bumped into you does the same, going for the phone at the same time and touching hands with you. A strange wave of electricity makes your whole body shiver by that touch, making you snap your head in the direction of the person.

You know him. He's one of the members of 3racha, a music group everyone loves. Curiously, this is the first time you have seen him outside of a presentation. He's clearly different from the other members, wearing baggy clothes and displaying a hair that's undeniable too long with some questionable choice of colors on it. You can't even really see his eyes, however, he has something about him that makes you refuse to take your eyes off him.

He grabs your book and phone, ignoring your shameless stare. Standing up and handing your things to you.

“Sorry, I can pay for your phone's repair”, he says and for the first time in a minute you can divert your eyes from him, looking at the screen, absolutely shattered and sighing.

“No, it's okay. I was the one who was distracted”, you smile, tucking your hair behind your ear. Why do you feel the sudden urge to flirt with him? He's not even your type. Or at least, that's what you think.

He hums, not really interested, taking a paper out of his bag and writing something on it.

“Here, this is my number if you change your mind”, he gives you the paper, saying goodbye and disappearing somewhere in the hallway.

When you finally meet Seunghoon, he doesn't even apologize, actually, he doesn't look regretful at all. He has a smug smile, as if what he did is not serious, as if he's better than you now.

You always had a thought in the corner of your mind that maybe he had some kind of inferiority complex when it came to you, but you didn't think he would go as far as to cheat on you just to prove he is better in some way.

“You don't harbor hard feelings, right?” He smirks, chin up. “I know you're much better than me, I'm sure you won't mind what happened and we can still be friends”, he's mocking you, you recognize that tone.

You're grasping the fabric of your skirt under the table, did he really pull you away from your practice to say this? The audacity of this man.

“Of course I don't mind”, you smile kindly, acting as unbothered as you possibly can. This is something you learned in so many years of having eyes on you all the time: pretend. You won't give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry or even get mad. If you are able to pretend you don't care at all about him, that's what you're gonna do.

“I'm glad-”, his smile falters a bit, you are sure he expected you to break. That shows how little he knows about you, you would never make a scene in public.

“Actually, I'm even seeing someone else already”, you blurt out, trying to make him more baffled and it works, he frowns and the look of confusion in his face is priceless.

“Well, that's great for you”, Seunghoon clears his throat, trying to regain his composure. “We should definitely go on a double date sometime”

“Of course, I'd love that”, you nod, standing up. “I'll be going now, but it was great seeing you”, you lie, turning around and walking back to the gymnasium.

When it sinks in what you just did, you want to hit your head against the wall. What the hell was that? Why would you even tell him you're seeing someone when you're not? For fucksake, you're sure he's too proud to let this go, he'll try to find out who it is that you're seeing and when he finds out you lied, you'll be done for, faced with utter humiliation again.

“Why would you tell him you're seeing someone?” Mina asks, looking at you like you are the dumbest person alive, and honestly, you do feel like that at the moment.

“I don't know”, you cry out, “I guess I wanted him to feel miserable”

“And look where that got you”, Miyeon says, worriedly.

“I know, I'm an idiot”, you tell them and your friends nod, making you glare at them. “Well, I guess I'll just have to find a new boyfriend”, you say, dreadfully.

“You know it's not that easy”, Mina says, “you built Seunghoon from the scratch to the guy he is today, it won't have the same effect if you get just anybody that people already see everyday, it has to be shocking”

“Well, I don't know”, you sigh, “is there even someone like that here?”

“I don't know”, Miyeon says, “you need someone charming, someone who people can't take their eyes off”

“It won't be good if he's already known, it should be someone who's usually invisible”, Mina completes.

You sigh, there's only one person you can think of who instantly fits that description.

“What about him?” Miyeon takes you out of your thoughts, pointing to someone behind you. “Isn't he part of 3racha?”

“I mean, he fits what we are looking for”, Mina says.

You turn around, finding the guy you bumped on a few days ago sitting at the table behind you, you're sure you can remember his name if you just try a little harder. He's sitting with Changbin, the other guy from 3racha who is kind of your friend.

“But is there something for you to do there?” Mina looks at him with squinted eyes, trying to see how you could improve him.

“He's cute”, you check him out shamelessly, nodding to yourself.

“I'm not sure if you could make Seunghoon jealous with cuteness”, she shrugs.

“He's not just cute”, you bit your bottom lip, thinking hard. “He could use a different haircut and maybe a new wardrobe but I see a lot of potential in there”

“Well”, Mina sighs in defeat, “let's make a bet them”

“Are you in middle school?” You ask her, rolling your eyes.

“If you can make Seunghoon regret cheating on you, I'll give up on trying for cheer captain next semester”, she ignores your question, stretching her hand for you to shake it.

“As if you were going to win anyway”, you joke.

Of course she could win, Mina is your best friend and also the best dancer you know, she could easily steal your position if you didn't try so hard to keep it, so you do what you have to do, shaking her hand even though you don't have a good feeling about it.

It's been a few days since you decided to make Jisung your new boyfriend, you just haven't figured out how to approach him. For starters, you can't even find him in this damn university, how the hell can a member from a trio as popular as 3racha just walk around without being noticed? That's a mystery you'll have to solve later.

“Jisung? Why would you want me to set you up with him?” Changbin asks, confused.

“Well, I find him cute”, you shrug, that's not a lie.

“He's not your type, he's totally different from Seunghoon”, he stares at you with a brow raised, sipping from his drink.

“Why would I want someone like Seunghoon? My reputation is almost ruined because of that guy”, you say.

“You got a point”, Changbin sighs, “let me talk to him first”, he can feel something is up but with all the mess happening in his life already, he doesn't have the energy to dig any deeper.

Jisung stares at his friend for about five minutes, no words being said. Why would someone like you want to go out with someone like him?

He's pretty popular because of 3racha, but not near as popular as you or your friend group. Everyone knows he's an awkward guy, when he's on stage his personality changes, he's confident, it feels great, like he could conquer the world, but when he goes back to real life, he just doesn't feel the need to be perceived. Jisung doesn't have a reason to be popular outside of the stage, he's fine with being invisible.

“So, what do you think?” Changbin asks.

“I don't know”, Jisung shrugs.

“Think carefully, it's not everyday that someone like y/n wants to go on a date with an ordinary guy”, the older one insists.

Well, maybe he likes being ordinary. He always thought he wouldn't be like those guys who would do anything for a pretty girl, now it's his chance to prove it.

“You can tell her that I appreciate the thought, but I don't think it's a good idea”, Jisung says, confidently. Even though he wants to punch himself after saying it.

Changbin sighs.

“If you're sure about it”, he shrugs, standing up and walking to the kitchen.

What if he's just letting his prejudice get in the way of meeting someone nice? He sighs to himself, there's nothing he can do about it now.

Well, that's unexpected. Did you go so low as to be rejected by just anybody? How could Jisung not even accept a single date with you? Are you ugly? No, you're sure it's not that. Are you boring? It's not that either, of course. You don't think there's a single thing that would make him turn you down. Maybe you're not his type? No, you're everyone's type.

You won't give up, though. Han Jisung has too much potential for you to just leave him be, you're sure you can make him be even better than Seunghoon ever was. So you march to social studies, you asked Changbin who reluctantly told you that Jisung takes that class.

You enter the classroom earning a few glances, smiling kindly at the people you know and introducing yourself to the ones you don't.

Jisung is seated in the corner, writing something on his notebook, earbuds on. You walk up to him, sitting by his side and waiting for him to notice you, which doesn't take long. He feels a presence too close to him, making him turn to look at you.

He frowns, taking his earbuds slowly, trying to process your present so close to him.

“How can I help you?” He asks and you tilt your head, he's even cuter up close.

“I heard you turned me down”, you say, leaning over the desk to watch him.

“Yeah, sorry”, he shrugs nonchalantly, hurting your pride even more. He should feel at least a bit apologetic, shouldn’t he?

“What do I have to do for you to go out with me?” You push more. You even came here looking for him, you're not going to be discouraged just by a bit of indifference.

“Why do you want to go out with me anyway?” He frowns, it’s not that he doesn’t want to say yes, it’s just that every time that he feels tempted to actually lust over you his pride gets a little more hurt, did you think there was no chance of you being rejected by him?

“Well, I like you. You're cute”, you tell him as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

“You don't even know me”, he scoffs, ignoring the fact that you called him cute.

“That's exactly why I want to go out with you, dummy. So I can get to know you better”, you smile, knowing he won't be able to get out of this situation without telling you why he won't go out with you.

“Well, you’re not my type”, he clears his throat, adjusting himself on his seat and trying to sound convincing, you’re clearly everyone’s type. “And I don’t think we would have much to talk about”

You’re going to fight him on this, argue that you’re a very interesting person that can talk about a lot of things, but the professor enters the classroom, eyeing you and tilting his head in confusion, since you passed this class last semester.

“I’m going to let it go for now”, you stand, “but don’t think you’re getting rid of me”, you huff, walking out of the class. He sure is stubborn, but you’re more.

Jisung feels like he's in those movies with a stalker following him around. You know, when the protagonist is sure that someone is watching them but every time they look around there's no one there? Except that in his case, you're always there. Every place he goes has you in it, glaring at him.

You're not actually glaring at him, even though he thinks you're. You're just shocked that he still hasn't come around to accepting going out with you, so you have to stare at him because you have to understand him. Why is he so different from the other guys? Of course you don't think you're better than anyone, but since news of your break up with Seunghoon broke out, your phone has been blowing up with texts from guys you didn't even know had your number, saying weird things and asking you out. So why is the only person you want to hear from, not giving a shit about you?

You ask Changbin's help but he refuses to meddle anymore than he already has, saying that he knows your intentions are not entirely good so he won't help anymore.

“Did you know we have a class with your new crush?” Mina says while looking at herself in the mirror of the clothes store you're visiting.

“What?” You take your eyes out of your phone to look at her, you have been staring at your screen for thirty minutes, trying to fight the urge to just call Jisung. He gave you his number so you could charge him with the repair of your broken phone but you already had it fixed, maybe you could use that little incident to your advantage.

“We have French with him, you chose Spanish, right?” Miyeon asks, looking around to see if she likes anything.

“Are you for real?” You ask and she looks at you, nodding. “Do you think there are still open spots in your class?” You ask, lost in thoughts.

“You're not going to switch classes just so you can get close to him, right?” Mina turns around to look at you, a brow raised in questioning. “Right?” She presses after you don't answer.

“I kinda prefer French though”, you smirk, standing up. “The school's office is still open now, isn't it?” You ask and both of your friends exchange looks, sighing and shaking their heads, sure that you're a lost cause.

It was not difficult to switch classes, you used up all your charm with the office’s secretary so she wouldn't argue too much about it. You just need a warm smile, some tiramisu and to compliment her nails.

You enter the class smiling victoriously, seeing your friends seated side by side and finding Jisung sitting alone in the back. You waltz over there, putting your things on the desk and sitting by his side.

Jisung takes a deep breath, side eyeing you for a moment.

“Are you serious right now?” He sighs, “you know you can't just keep coming to my classes, right? That's lowkey stalking”, he argues, making you chuckle.

“I don't know what you're talking about”, you shrug, “I'm enrolled in this class”, you tell him, pulling a paper with your schedule printed on it and showing it to him. “This is the only spot available”

He looks around to check, biting his bottom lip, embarrassed. He should have checked before assuming things but that doesn't change the fact that you have been around him too much lately.

“Okay”, he sighs, fidgeting on his seat.

“If I'm really making you uncomfortable I can find somewhere else to sit”, you say, even though you want to make him give in and accept to go out with you, you don't want him to feel genuinely bothered by you.

Jisung on the other hand feel likes he can give in at any moment, the second time he saw you looking at him he wanted to stand up and just go to you, telling you he would accept to go out with you, fuck his pride.

“It's okay”, he clears his throat, “You can sit whatever you want”, he says, making you smirk.

“I mean, are you sure?” You lean in his direction, glancing at his lap.

Jisung chokes immediately, coughing so much he thinks he's going to die, you didn't mean what he thinks you do, right?

Class starts before you can mess with him a little bit more, you didn't think you would have so much fun teasing someone.

Jisung stands up and leaves as soon as the professor says the class ended, he doesn't want to stay close to you for a minute more. He couldn't pay attention to class because your scent kept coming his way. He would glance at you and you wouldn't even be acknowledging him, paying 100% of attention in class. It did make him upset that he didn't seem to cause the same reaction in you as you do to him.

Except that, as stated before, you're very good at pretending. You really wanted to tease him every time you caught him staring at you, you could see everything he was doing with your peripheral vision and you wanted to giggle with every time he pouted while looking at you.

That's proof enough for you that not being his type it's not the reason why he's reluctant to go out with you but you didn't even think about the possibility of him not liking girls at all.

“As far as I know, he does like girls”, Changbin tells you. “I'm not sure about guys though, maybe he does too?”

“Well, that's good then”, you sigh, crossing your arms and nodding to yourself, lost in thoughts.

Changbin stares at you for a moment, with a brow raised. “Binnie, can't you help me out? Just this once” You plead again, giving him puppy eyes.

“Nope, I'm not sure what your intentions are but what I know is that you don't do things without a reason”, he shakes his head.

You sigh, poking the inside of your cheek with your tongue, you know how to convince Changbin but it's the first time in your life that you have to resort to such dirty methods.

“You know, I met someone really nice one of these days”, you tell him, smiling friendly. “She's really cute and she has been helping me in a class we have together”, Changbin glares at you. “I think you know her, but she doesn't seem to like you at all…” You pout, making a show.

“What are you trying to say?” He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I'm trying to say that if you help me out, I can do the same”, you shrug, “you have so many virtues, Binnie, I'm confident I can make her see you in a different light”

You can at least try to convince her that Changbin is a good guy even though she's absolutely sure that he's bad news.

“Are you saying I should sell out my best friend so you can help me?” You see Changbin hesitate and that's when you push a little more.

“Come on, it's not like I'll do something awful to him”, you say, “I just want one date”

He sighs, nodding.

“Okay, alright”, he grunts. “I'll help you out just this one time and that's it”

“You're the best!” You say, clapping your hands excitedly.

This is definitely not how you thought the help would happen. The sun is burning your skin and the giggles of people around you are making you stressed. A pool party, why did he think this was going to be a good idea?

Just because you're at the same party as Jisung it doesn't mean you'll get a chance to talk to him or even accomplish your goal but even though the odds are against you, you are still going to try.

The day is too hot, the pool is bustling with people and you're uncomfortable in your bikini. In most days you love your body, you think you're pretty just the way you are but sometimes you have bad days, where you feel like everyone is staring at every single flaw you have.

You came to the party because you couldn't lose the opportunity but you can't see Jisung anywhere and your anxiety is only growing bigger. So as soon as you get the chance to escape, you do it. You wander around the frat house, looking for a place with no one, maybe Changbin's room is empty since he pretty much doesn't live in the house.

You walk up the stairs, swerving in the middle of the crowd who are talking and laughing with drinks in their hands, it's very overwhelming.

The corridor where the rooms are have less people, so you walk until the end to find Changbin's nameplate on the door. You knock twice to make sure there's no one there, the music in the pool is pretty loud so you can't hear if there are voices in the room but you wait a few seconds so people can get dressed if there is someone fucking there. You open the door slowly, finding the room empty. Hurrying inside and closing the door so no one sees you going in.

It's a pretty huge room with things that suit Changbin's personality to a T. There's gym equipment all over the place, a big bed in the middle, a door you can only guess leads to a private bathroom and a TV that you're not sure was ever used. But again, your friend only comes by the house once in a while since he lives in an apartment downtown with Chan and Jisung.

Changbin managed to convince Jisung that it would be a good way to promote 3racha if they threw a party and it didn't take much convincing to the frat president since that guy loves partying.

You sit by the bed, trying to take deep breaths. The burning sensation in your chest is easing a bit with the calm and silence of the room. Silence that is immediately interrupted by the door of the bathroom being opened, just to show a half naked Han Jisung coming out of there with just a towel wrapped around his waist.

You two stare at each other for a minute, both not sure what to do next, both frozen. You manage to stand up, turning your back to him, face burning with embarrassment.

“I'm sorry, I didn't know there was someone already here”, you clarify. “I- I knocked on the door”, you inform him as if that could change anything.

Jisung finds your reaction funny, he didn't take you for the shy type, who gets flustered by seeing a man like this.

“I was showering, I didn't hear the knock”, he says, walking to Changbin's wardrobe to get some clothes he leaves there for eventual emergencies since the frat house is closer than his house to the university.

“Yeah, I guessed that”, you gulp, trying to calm your beating heart. You didn't get to take a good look at him, but the little you did made you quite surprised. Jisung is pretty athletic and hot.

“You can turn around now”, he says. You do it slowly, still embarrassed.

“I'm sorry again”, you sigh.

“It's okay, it can happen”, he shrugs, sitting on the bed. He can't help but look at you too for a moment, you're wearing a deep green bikini that goes perfectly with the tone of your skin. You have a thin transparent shirt that doesn't leave much to the imagination making him bite his bottom lip. If you try to make a move on him again right now, he won't be able to say no.

However, his not very pure thoughts are interrupted by your uneasiness, shifting your weight from a leg to another, hands trying to cover your thighs. Did he look at you for too long? Did he make you uncomfortable? Jisung diverts his gaze from you immediately, he's always proud to say that he's not the same as the other guys who are just horny and nothing more, but look at him now.

“I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable”, he stands up, ready to leave the room, “I'm sorry”

“No, you didn't make me uncomfortable”, you say, taking a step closer to him to stop him from leaving. “I was already feeling not great”, you clarify.

“Did something happen?” He asks, worried.

“No- I-”, you stop yourself from talking more, why do you actually want to talk to him about your problems? You don't even know him. “I'm having a bad day, my self esteem is kinda low so I feel like everyone is staring at every single flaw I have”

Jisung stops for a moment, malfunctioning. His head tilting to the side as he stares at you with furrowed brows.

“Exactly which “flaws” are we talking about?” He asks, making quotes with his fingers.

“I don't know”, you glance down to your feet, feeling embarrassed. “There are so many girls here who are much prettier than me”, you sigh, “oh, I'm not jealous of them, they are great. I'm a huge activist of women hyping up other women”, you add quickly. “Usually I won't let myself compare to other people, but when I'm having one of these days I just can't help to think things like: is my hair pretty enough? Should I go on a diet? Maybe I should hit the gym more often so I can look like that”, you sigh, you sound ridiculous. You are supposed to make him want to go out with you, not scare him with all your insecurities.

Jisung stares at you for a few seconds, realization hitting him. So you're human too, he already knew that, but seeing the pretty and popular y/n come out of the pedestal people built for her, makes him believe that maybe you're very different from what he thought about you.

“I'm sure you don't need me to tell you this”, Jisung clears his throat, trying to not sound like an idiot, “but I think you're pretty and even though you may have some flaws, everyone has. I can assure you yours are not in your looks”

You feel your cheeks growing hotter, that's surprising, a guy never managed to make you blush.

“But you said I'm not your type”, you pout, seizing the opportunity to tease him.

“Well, I had to say something so you would stop coming after me”, he sighs, “clearly it didn't work”

“So, will you go out with me?” You ask, hopeful and he sighs.

“Why do you want to go out with me so badly?”

“I already told you, you're cute. Also, you make me feel at ease”, it's not a lie. Jisung is the first person other than your friends that effortlessly makes you comfortable.

“Fine”, he huffs, “I already gave you my number so just text me”, he tells you and you smile, is this finally happening? Did he finally say yes?

You planned a whole date in an amusement park, it's cliche for a first date, although you never really went on a date there. You have never done this before for any guy you dated, but there's something about Han Jisung, you just want him to like you.

He's waiting for you in front of the park, looking nervous while scrolling through his phone. You bend down a bit, tilting your head to make him notice you.

“Hey”, you smile waiting for his greeting that doesn't come. Jisung is not easily impressionable but you just leave him speechless every time, he always takes a few seconds to take in your beauty before his brain starts functioning again.

That's the reaction you wanted from him and you are glad you managed to get it. You spent almost four hours getting ready, changed outfits at least ten times and did and redid your makeup over and over. In the end, you chose a natural look. You put on a tight high waisted skirt, a tank top and sneakers since you would be walking a lot. Your hair is down and your make-up is light, so it won't get smudged by hot weather.

“H-hi”, Jisung says, trying to recompose himself, he's not sure if he should comment on how pretty you look or if that would make you uncomfortable.

He can't help but think that it's wrong of him to be there with someone like you, someone totally out of his reach.

“What should we do first?” You ask excitedly, it's been years since the last time you went to an amusement park with your family.

“I think we can walk for a bit and see what catches our attention”, he says and you nod, walking into the park.

There are so many people, Jisung can't help but notice how you're looking around like a child getting to know a new place.

“Do you come often to these kinds of places?” He asks.

“Hm, not really”, you answer, turning around to look at him. “The last time was when I was a child probably”

“Oh?” He frowns. “You seemed excited, I thought your ex boyfriend must have brought you here at least a few times”

“Yeah, well, he was not really the romantic type”, you shrug, a sad smile on your lips.

Jisung doesn't like that, you always look confident and happy, he doesn't want to see you sad again.

“He is an idiot then”, he avoids your gaze, looking around while speaking, “If I had a girlfriend like you, I would move heavens and earth to make her happy”

You feel your heart skip a bit, your cheeks growing warmer and in a few seconds your whole face is burning. You can't believe Han Jisung is making you blush again, saying these words that are messing with your heartbeat.

“Should we go to the haunted house?” You ask awkwardly, trying to change the subject, pointing to the building at the end of the park. You try not looking at him, not sure if your cheeks are still red.

He hums, not really understanding why you look so flustered, he's sure you must hear this kind of thing all the time.

You two enter the house, looking around while walking into the dark. You were very confident in the beginning, you love horror movies, but jump scares are really not your cup of tea and that's the problem. The moment a doll(you assume) holding a knife with a ghost face mask pops out of nowhere you jump… into Jisung's arms. The way his arms immediately wrap around you in a protective position does something to your heart and honestly you feel hot all over.

You didn't even notice the little scares he got, or how he squeezed you every time some scary character showed up. The only thing you noticed was his unexpected strong arms embracing you the whole time until you left the haunted house.

Jisung didn't want to let you go. The moment he felt the cold breeze touching his skin, he knew he had to step back, you are not scared anymore. But he just doesn't want to. You look fragile, shy, endearing. Jisung shakes his head, he shouldn't be thinking this, he thought he would be immune to your charms, but it turns out that he understands now why all those guys fawned over you.

He tries taking a step back, threatening to get away from you but you snuggle closer to him, a hand swinging fast to your shoulder so you could grip his hand in place.

“Can- can you keep holding me for a bit?” You ask awkwardly, not really wanting to look him in the eye.

You had no idea you missed being touched this much, you never noticed how cold Seunghoon’s touch was until you felt Jisung's warm hands on you. You're embarrassed for looking so fragile in front of him but not enough for you to let go, not at that moment.

“Yeah, sure”, he tells you, coming closer again and squeezing you against his chest. “Should we walk around for a bit?”

You nod, too lost in his scent to say anything.

Jisung felt strange for a moment. He's not used to letting his instincts take control, he's a very restrained guy. But he can't help but peek at your thighs when the skirt you're wearing rides up a bit, you're tiptoeing while trying to shoot the target with the water gun you have in your hands, like that would help you win.

“Do you really want that plushie?” He asks when you lose once more. “You could probably buy a better one with the money you're spending”, he points out and you pout.

“Where's the fun in that?” You cross your arms in front of your chest. “It's so much more exciting to win the prize”

Jisung finds you cute, you are just so different from all the rumors and how he thought you would be. Other than being someone who's high and mighty or arrogant, you're cute and funny.

Defeated, he sighs, paying for another round. This time he's the one trying.

It's difficult the first time. He never played this game so he has to get used to and understand how to win.

Jisung doesn't notice but you're not looking at the booth or to the target, you're looking at his face. He looks more handsome when he's focused, he has his lips pressed in a thin line and his grip on the water gun makes you shudder just thinking about how that grip would feel on you.

After a few tries, Jisung wins, asking you to choose what plushie you want.

“That one”, you point to the big quokka hanging in the wall. “It looks a bit like you”, you say when you get the plushie, lifting enough so you can compare it with Jisung.

“I'm cuter”, he pouts.

“Definitely”, you assure him, hugging your new plushie while Jisung’s ears grow hotter.

“Should we go to the ferris wheel?” He asks, looking at the time. It'll probably be your last ride since it's already late.

“Yes!” You jump excitedly, “I never had the chance before”, you say while you two walk in the direction of the big attraction.

“Not even when you were a child?” He asks, remembering you said that was the last time you went to an amusement park.

“My parents are not very fun to be around and my little brother was too young”, you say, shaking your head, “I was never very proficient in doing things by myself so I just didn't go”, you shrug.

Jisung feels that there's more to unpack into that topic, but he's not sure if you want to talk about it with him or right now. So he just slides his arm over your shoulder, surprising you by his bold move. You can feel your cheeks growing hot, are you blushing again?

When you hear the gears turning, excitement spreads all over your body but as soon as the cabin stops in the air, you're not so confident anymore.

“It's quite high, isn't it?” you say, looking down, feeling a little dizzy.

“Are you afraid of heights?” Jisung asks, panicked, seeing your face turning pale.

“No, of course not”, you shake your head frantically while shrinking in your seat, “I can't, I'm always at the top of the pyramid in our cheer stunts”, you tell him.

A sudden wave of air brushes over the cabin, making it shake slightly and you turn even more pale if that's even possible.

“You know it's different right?” He grabs you by the arm, pulling you closer to him. Jisung slides one of his hands on your waist, squeezing you close to him and with the other hand he cups your face, making you look at him. “Keep looking at me, you don't have to look down”

Jisung doesn't know why he feels this urge to protect you, of all the people he knows, you're probably the one he thinks needs the least protection. You keep staring at him, he is pretty, his lips are plump and inviting.

“Are you going to kiss me?” You ask when he licks his lips, huge doe eyes staring at him and waiting.

“Do you want me to?” He asks back, not really sure of what to do. Jisung is not certain, his heart is beating fast and his hands are sweating, you look so beautiful, so close to him.

So when you nod, he just loses control of every part of himself that was holding him back. He's sure after this, there's no going back, he's lost forever, but maybe he doesn't mind if it means it's you he's lost in.

His lips are soft, clumsily pressing against yours. You can tell he's unsure of how to proceed then why does his grip on you make you burn? He's squeezing your waist against his body like you're going to disappear if he doesn't hold you strongly and the hand he has cupping your cheeks, slowly slides to your hair, pulling it lightly, making you whimper.

In an instant his lips are not on yours anymore, he's trailing kisses down to your neck. You shiver, feeling his warm lips against your cold skin.

“Ah, Ji-Jisung”, you gasp when he bites your neck, sucking the area so deliciously it makes you bite your lips so you won't moan.

He hears your plea, kissing you once again and you notice you are the one that didn't know how to proceed. You've been squirming in his hands this whole time without touching him at all. You take a hand to his face, caressing his cheek and the other goes to his hip, pulling you even closer to him but before you can go further, the shake of the cabin going back down takes you out of your haze. You're in public, you had absolutely forgotten about that.

You stop the kiss, giving a peck on his lips before moving away. He looks disheveled, lips swollen and eyes searching for yours in an attempt to know exactly what you are thinking. Did you like it? Did you hate it? Now that he got a taste of something he should have remained oblivious to, he's not sure he'll be able to let go.

The ride home was awkward, to say the least. You are silent the whole time and Jisung is freaking out. He can't help but think he screwed up really badly. How the hell could he make you lose all interest with just a couple of kisses? Did he go too far by giving you a hickey? Maybe you don't like this kind of thing, you're a cheerleader after all, your image is important.

You on the other hand, have too many thoughts running through your mind, never did a man make you feel so desired with just a kiss. The way he embraced you so possessively was too much for you, Seunghoon never did anything like that. You were always the one searching for his touch, for some affection but it was never quite enough. His touches never really gave you what you wanted, you always thought it was weird, you thought maybe there was something wrong with you.

But how could Jisung make you feel so many things with a simple touch? A simple kiss? You're so lost in thoughts that you don't even notice when the car stops.

“We’re here”, Jisung says, not really looking at you.

You look at him, seeing him biting his bottom lip while squeezing the wheel.

“I had fun”, you tell him, shyly. His head snaps at you, a deep scowl on his face.

“You did?” He asks confused and you giggle, tilting your head.

“Yeah”, you bite your bottom lip, leaning over him without breaking eye contact. “I thought I made it clear by almost melting in your arms while you kissed me”, you tease, seeing his ears growing red.

“I thought maybe I did something wrong, you were quiet”, he looks at you waiting for some more reassurance.

“I'm sorry”, you cup his face, caressing his cheek, “it's been a long time since I felt the way you made me feel, I needed time to recover”, you tell him, pulling him in for a brief kiss.

“Wait, but what about-”

“That's what I'm telling you”, you chuckle, bitterly, “can you imagine feeling more in a night than you ever felt in a year with someone else? It really makes a girl think”

“Ah”, he nods, understanding what you're saying now. “Then, can I call you when I get home?” He asks eagerly, now that he knows that you did enjoy your time with him.

“I'd be mad if you didn't”, you give a peck on his lips, getting out of the car and walking to your front door, waving goodbye to him.

Walking into your empty house you come back to reality. For a moment, just a moment, while having fun with Jisung, you forgot how lonely you really are. It's always been like this, you're already used to it.

Your parents always wanted a boy, so it was disappointing for them when they had a girl. They tried for years to have a boy, getting more and more frustrated as time went by. You were five when they finally made it, their desired son was born and you were left aside.

It's not like they gave you any attention before, but after your brother was born, you were completely forgotten. The first time you went to an amusement park was when you were eight. It was your birthday and you begged them to take you there but in the end you couldn't really enjoy anything. Your brother was too little to play in anything and your parents didn't really want to play with you.

You feel a single tear run down your cheek but you shake your head, you shouldn't be doing that right now. You had fun with Jisung but that's that, you don't want another heartbreak the same as with Seunghoon.

You feel your phone buzzing, taking it out of your pocket to see Jisung's name lightening the screen and an involuntary smile grows on your lips, completely ignoring what you just thought.

“Hey, did you arrive safely?” You ask, walking up the stairs.

“Yeah”, he says, not sure why exactly he wanted to call you. He already said goodnight to you, did he want to hear your voice again? Why is he being so weird tonight?

“Okay, that's good”, you chuckle, putting the phone on speaker to start undressing.

Jisung sits in his bed, he knows you're probably tired but he doesn't want to hang up.

“What are you doing?” He asks, hearing the shuffle on the other side of the line.

“I'm changing”, you answer nonchalantly, not knowing how red his whole face turns the moment you finish saying that.

He doesn't say anything, making you look to the phone to check if he's still there.

“Want some pictures?” You ask playfully, making him choke on his own breath, coughing violently.

“No, I mean we- we just had our first date- I- I don't want you to think- it's too soon”, he rambles saying all that in half a second, making you laugh genuinely while you wander around your room.

You snap a picture of yourself, sending it to him and he freezes when he sees the notification. When he opens the text though, you're wearing a cute pajama with bees stamped on it, making him laugh too.

“You're cute”, he says and you stop in your tracks.

“It's been years since someone last called me cute”, you pout, sliding under your covers.

Jisung guessed that much, your type of beauty is not on the cute side. You have sharp features, most people could say you're on the sexy side and he would too, before tonight. Now, under the cover of a popular hot girl, he found a girl who's hot and popular but can be cute and funny too.

“Goodnight, y/n”, he says, throwing himself back in the bed.

“Goodnight”, you say, feeling your eyes heavy after hearing his goodbye.

Part 2

A/N: If you like what I write please reblog or let me know in the comments, feedback gives me motivation to keep writing.

[ja3hwa]

♡ 𝐃𝐚𝐲 𝟏𝟓: 𝐂𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐮𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 - 𝐊.𝐇𝐉 ♡

God Isn't Here

【sʏɴᴏᴘsɪs】 : Bad Boy Hongjoong wanted to change for you. Be the better man you deserved, but what if you ended up changing more than him?

『ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ』 :  3.70k

-> ɢᴇɴʀᴇ: Slice of Life. Toxic family. Smut. ANGST. Sad Stuff.

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: BadBoy!Hongjoong x Religious!GoodGirl!Reader

[ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢs] : Heavy religious background. Mention of a cult like life. Lots of trauma. Pet names. Swearing. Corruption and slight manipulation. Thigh riding. Dry humping. Oral. Crying turned to sobbing. (I'm sorry this is a shit show). Fingering. Sight sir kink (I can't help myself). When I say this is messy....this is MESSY, FILTHY, DIRTY. Breast play. Clothing is literally being ripped apart. Slight ass play and mention of anal. Hickies. Mention of sex toys. There is way too much dirty talk cause Hongjoong has a filthy mouth. Use of the name slut. So much sobbing please forgive me I was in a mood. Cowgirl. Unprotected sex. Loss of virginity. Spanking.

Thank you, @historyinmybed , for requesting Hongjoong. Also, thank you to my anony for requesting the plot ♡♡♡

Note: I want to point out that this fic this is no way hating on any type of religion. I came from a very religious household, so I get the idea of internal hatred to yourself and 'god'. But please take this fic with a grain of salt. Believe what you want to believe and practise what you wish to practise. No one should tell you what you can or can not worship. That's your life. Not there's.

Masterlist | Navigation | Kinktober List

Perfection. That was what your family described you as. Their perfect little daughter. Naturally pretty, above-average smarts and a people person. Well, that was what your parents dressed you as. They weren't half wrong to be fair. You wanted nothing more than to be the sweet daughter that your parents wanted. But once your heart fell for the mysterious man that stumbled in the back of your bookshop one day. Perfect was no longer the description to view you as.

Rough, mysterious, heartbreaking bad boy. He looked like he jumped straight out of a dark romance novel. He was everything you were not and when he laid eyes on you, he knew he wanted to know you, have you, hold you. To fuck the innocence out of you. But he proceeded with caution. Not wanting to scare you away. He was known as a player, someone that fucked around and partied most weekends…

Yet he changed.

Changed for you. He dotted on you. Followed you around like a loving puppy that found his favourite thing in the world. Which he had. You were his everything and the love of his life and he would do anything for you. And he made sure you knew that every chance he could. Bringing you flowers to your work or gifting you with a home-cooked meal even though he wasn’t the greatest cook. He wanted you to know that he loves you. Forever and always. And when you were cuddling on the couch in your shared apartment―the apartment your parents didn’t know you had―one night, Hongjoong couldn’t seem to keep his hands to himself. He tried not to do something you didn’t want but fucking his fist to the thought of you was no longer working. He needed the real deal. And tonight he tried his luck. His touches were slow, sensual. You almost didn’t notice them while you were so focused on the new show Fionna and Cake in front of you. But when his fingertips grazed the end of your sleep shorts, your head snapped to him seeing he was completely focused on you, not even paying attention to the TV.

You gulped looking at him with such wide innocent eyes. The tingle in your gut made you confused but it also intrigued you, wanting to know what it was but you were also scared it might be considered unholy. You see, you were fighting an inner battle. Yes, you had left your family's practice and ran away with Hongjoong after he convinced you of your family's toxic lifestyle. You wouldn’t ever consider your life being involved around a cult-like community but yet it was all you knew. And when you opened a bookshop in your hometown your parents made sure to monitor the shop like hawks but neither of them would have thought someone like Hongjoong would stumble into the doors of the sweet establishment. Without even realizing, that day you starting losing your faith in god, if you even had any. It was just a way of life to you and you didn’t know any better back then but now you explore the world day by day with your sweet lover boy and god definitely didn’t have anything to do with that.

“W-what are you doing?”  As if you couldn’t sound any more cute than you did right this minute. His eyes darkened, sucking in a breath as he watched you squirm. Your doe eyes watched him intensely, your hand snaking down to grab his, holding him still. Did you really not know what teasing was? Then again you didn’t know most things until he came along. When he first kissed you, he still remembers the shocked expression you made and how you slapped his chest slightly saying ‘We aren’t supposed to do that.’ But now all you do is kiss him. Morning kisses, hello and goodbye kisses. If you walked into the room he would grab you for a smooch. He loved kissing you and even though you would not admit it, you craved them too.

“I’m just wanting to touch you, Darling.” His soft voice sent shivers down your spine. You gulped, not knowing what exactly he meant. You gave him a confused expression, and it finally clicked in his head that you didn’t know what was going on. “Can I touch you, baby?”

You smiled letting his hand slip into your own, tilting your head “But you are touching me Joongie.”

Oh fuck, you look so goddamn cute and it made him want to pin you to the couch and fuck you into next week. He wanted, needed to teach you this side of life you didn’t know about. Take it slow, Hongjoong repeated to himself, placing his hand free hand on top of yours. He closed the distance between your lips but just kept enough space to let you pick whether or not to actually kiss him. And when you gave him a simple smile before sealing your soft lips on his, he took it as a green light to push you further.

“I mean touch sensually...” He peaked your lips again. “Touch you where the ache it.” He kissed the corner of your mouth as both of his hands got free, letting his finger graze your top thigh before slowly slipping towards your inner thigh. Your eyes never left his, eyebrows knotting in anticipation. Your brain was screaming at you, saying what you were about to do was sinful and bad. But your body craved to see what he could do. Could he really help take that ache that pulses in your stomach? The idea of giving yourself to Hongjoong more than frightened you… it excited you.

“What are you gonna do to me?” You didn’t mean to sound so seductive but Hongjoong drank every word you spoke. And the way you said it would have any man eating out of your hand, yet you didn’t even notice. Merely thinking you were simply asking an innocent question.

“Oh, Darling.” He dipped his fingers further up your thigh helping you open your legs without a thought, too focused on what Hongjoong might say. And he thought, for maybe two point five seconds on what he might say. Does he ease in and take it slow like his brain has been repeating for the past month or does he just drop his filter and see how you react?

He chose to fuck around and find out….

“I want to put my fingers deep inside your pussy.” Your eyes widened at the lewd words that spilled off your lover's tongue. “I want to know what it feels like to fuck you, make love to you.” His fingertips graze your covered core and it makes you jump, whimpering out. You gripped his wrist trying to stop him but you didn’t move him away, too curious to see what he’d do. “Would you let me see what your cunt feels like angel?”

“Y-you can't make l-love to me yet. We aren't married.” That was what you took out of his whole confession, man has got his work cut out for him. He had to laugh a low deep grumble making you shiver. His fingers were still playing with your covered core, trying to pull at the buttons of your pants. “We haven't decided if we want kids yet.”

“Kids?” Okay, now he was the one confused, “Who said anything about kids, darling?”

“Y-you know…” damn now you feel stupid, of course, this was another thing your parents taught you wrong. You tried to learn things on your own, only just recently finding out what a male privates were called. You felt so small in this outside world and you tried your hardest not to let Hongjoong see just how closed off you were growing up but sometimes it slips out, just like now. And the only way to get out of this was to explain yourself. “You only mate to have bare children. No pleasure or love… it’s a ritual that a married couple preform to conceive kids.”

Hongjoong tried to not look shocked but then again he really wasn't. When he found out you were living in cult-like conditions he did everything in his power to get you out of that situation whether you liked him to or not. He couldn’t just leave such a sweet thing like you to be devoured by the jaws of a sick bastard who played a so-called god. “My sweet, sweet baby. There is so much more to love-making than bearing children. Do you want me to show you?”

He gave you one last slow kiss, holding your cheek with his free hand keeping you in place. You sigh in the kiss, feeling a kind of relief and safety. All he wanted to do was keep you comfortable and not do anything you were unsure of. But now you wanted to give back. Give back to his kindness and understanding. You wanted to know, to know what it felt like to be with someone completely. But your mind kept playing the idea that you were betraying your god. You were fighting an inner battle and you didn’t know what to do. “Y-You can s-show me Joongie.”

He shifted his weight, turning to look at you straight on. He placed both hands on either side of your face before asking again. “I need you to say yes baby. Do you want this? Are you sure?”

“Yes.” You might have said that a little too quickly for your liking but Joong. Oh, he’d been waiting for this moment and it couldn’t be any more perfect. Grabbing your hips he pulls you up onto his lap. Your face was flustered a bright red. Your hands instantly gripped onto his shoulders as his own snakes under your loose top, feeling your bare tummy. He kisses you on your lips, then a peck on your cheek, then jaw. Before moving down to your neck. His hot tongue licked a long strip against your skin making you shiver, digging your fingers into his shirt. He chuckled feeling your hips wiggle, trying to subconsciously relieve the ache.  He held your hip with his right hand, helping you move slowly, letting you take control, for the moment. He wanted to ease you in, let you find your rhythm. “J-joongie I f-feel.”

“Feel what baby? What do you feel?” He pulled away to look at you, using his free hand to slowly move down your navel before landing just above your core. Your eyes stayed closed, rocking your hips slowly. Your clit was brushing against your jeans just right and it was sending your head into a spin. You didn’t know how to describe the feeling but it felt, good. Right, almost. And then he cupped your pussy making you jump.

“I feel hot… I think I-I’m sweating d-down….” You looked down, seeing his hand holding your core. He looked down to, knowing exactly what you were saying. Chuckling against he rubbed his two middle fingers along your covered slit.

“It’s not sweat Darling. It’s called cum. It comes out of you when you’re feeling good.” he continued to rub you making your mouth fall agape slightly. He leaned towards your ear kissing the top of your neck before whispering. “and it tastes delicious too. Can you give me a taste baby?”

You hesitantly nodded, “Yes, but is…” He looks at you in your wide eyes. “ W-what about g-gods way…”

“Fuck god. He doesn’t know a good thing if it was staring at him in the face.” His voice was laced with aggression. But his lips against your neck were soft, gentle. “Forget god, baby. It’s just you and me.”

You and me…. Something he has said to you since you met. Sneaking out he always said it was you and him against the world and the day you had packed your bag―with what little you had―and left while your parents were out you knew he’d be there for you. You still wonder if your parents even read the note you left them. But then again they most likely would have thrown it away, not caring for a sinner like you anymore. “I don’t know if I c-can…Hongjoong…”

He stopped. For a moment. Anger was surging through him. Your family fucked you up so much and all he wanted to was find each and every one of those preachers and kill them where they stood. He wanted to protect you, hold you. Love you. “Yes you can angel. You can do anything you want. You are so strong.”

And with that you kiss him, taking in a big breath in through your nose. He pulled away first making you chase his lips but as his body sinks onto the floor, you watch with curiosity. He sat on his knees, never breaking eye contact with you. His hands find the buttons on your jean shorts, helping you loosen them before ultimately slipping them off. Everything was happening so fast yet so slowly as well. your body was shaking, feeling exposed without your pants but as his gaze switched from yours to your core between your legs, you couldn’t help but whimper. “Hongjoong…”

“It’s okay baby I’m going to make you feel good. I promise.” He lent in pushing your panties to the sides and finally getting a good view of your soaked cunt. “Fuck, you are so pretty baby.” he wasted no time in licking a long strip along your folds making you make a high-pitched noise that was music to Hongjoong’s ears. He got to work, suckling, biting and tending to your core. You had thrown your head back against the couch, grabbing your lover's thick dark hair and spreading your legs wider for him without realizing. A strange feeling was brewing in your lower tummy and you couldn’t find the words to explain it. You were feeling all types of emotions, happiness, guilt, hatred, lust and everything in between. And then Hongjoong took his fingers against your core making you jump.

“Hongjoong, w-wait…” But your lover didn’t listen cause he knew you’d just start talking about god again. He needed you to listen to him and if words weren't going to work. Maybe a demonstration would. His mouth cages your clit while his finger begins to sink into you slowly and you felt electricity surge through you. Everything you did for your parents. The little girl that “raised right” was slowly slipping away and it was terrifying you. Tears started prickling down your face, feeling so good but so guilty at the same time. Why did your parents have to do what they did to you? Why couldn’t they have raised you normally? Were you could make your own mistakes. You hated them. You hated everything. Everything except Hongjoong. “G-god…”

You didn’t know what you wanted to say but you knew he wasn’t going to listen, in fact, he snapped instead making a chill pool inside you. “God isn’t her baby, now let me have my meal. Got that?”

“Yes sir…” You cried, feeling him put another finger inside you.

“Fuck say that again…” He groan against your clit.

“S-Sir…” You obeyed, feeling his fingers thrusted in a harsh pace making you scream out, tears pouring out of you more and more with your mouth spilling out saliva onto your chin.

“That’s right baby. This is my pussy yeah? I get to play with her―Fuck her whenever I want. Do you understand?” He chuckled, nibbling on your puffy nub.

“Y-yes sir. Please, have me whenever you’d like. I’ll be good. I promise. Fffuuck!!” You’ve never sworn before but it felt like a word needed for this occasion. A band in you snapped, feeling yourself clench around Joong’s fingers. He slowed down until he came to a stop, but not pulling his fingers out just yet. He had to see your face, the way your nose scrunched up when his thumb pressed firmly on your clit and fingers slowly slipping from inside you helping your ride out. Hearing you swear was single-handedly the sexiest thing you could do. He stood up quickly, grabbing your wrist so he could pull you up making you stand. But your legs didn’t want to work so he hand to hold you up.

“Don’t worry baby. You’re always good baby. My sweet girl.” he pecked your nose making you smile. He rubbed away some of your tears with his left thumb. You both stood there for a moment letting you catch your breath. But without you noticing he undid his belt and jean buttons, shaking his jeans off. You only then noticed when a hard object poked your tummy. Looking down you see his appendage under his boxers. You had to gulp worried as to how it might fit inside you. He licked his lips watching you inspect him, he had no shame, slipping his thumb under the band of his boxer before pulling it down, letting his cock spring free.

You gasped seeing his dick whack his navel. Its red angry tip leaking out some pre-cum and twitching just at the thought you’d touch it. You looked back at his eyes with wide doe eyes, almost silently asking what was going to happen next. He swung you both around so his back was facing the couch before taking a seat on it. He pulled you along letting you take a seat on his lap. The feeling of his hot cock against your pussy made you clench around nothing. Your nerves were shot and you were shaking with a mixture of fear and excitement.

“Ready?” He simply asked, snaking his hands under your top tugging on the fabric slightly. You nodded, answering with a small yes before he took the end of your shirt and ripped it down the middle. You gasped, moaning without thinking. Your chest was suddenly exposed to him, leaving you completely bare for him. He had a sadistic smirk painting his features, leaning down he licked your left nipple making you whimper out his name. Your hands found his shoulders, letting him attack your chest with harsh red and purple marks. His hands that layed on your hips moved behind you. One grabbed a hand full of your ass while the other one glided toward your asshole. He put pressure against your hole and it made you wiggle in his grasp. He lived for your reaction.

“Sensitive Doll? I wonder what I would feel like to fuck this tight little ass too? Hmm.” His dirty words made you feel filthy in the best way. His thumb slipped into your puckered hole for a moment sending a new feeling through your system. Anything he did was pushing your buttons correctly. It was like he knew your body better than you did. “You’re just a dirty girl, aren’t you? Wanting to be fucking in the ass? Bet I could fuck this pussy while I have a pretty dildo up your ass. Hmm. Would you like that? You want to be my little slut?”

“I-I’m not dirty…I..I..” You didn’t know what to say feeling conflicted in his words. But he couldn’t care, your body was reacting perfectly to his words and that’s all he needed.

“Don’t worry baby. I’ll fuck you nice and full. And then we can go shopping. I plan on showing you all the pleasure you’d been missing out on.” his laugh was lewd, almost cruel sounding and you couldn’t help but moan in response. He lifted you up slowly without you taking much notice, only focusing on his finger thrusting in your asshole softly. It was only when a sharp pain started forming in your front you snapped your eyes open looking down.

“F-fuck…Hongjoong!!” he helped you sink down slowly until you had him completely nestled inside your aching cunt. You were crying again. But it was different this time. The pain was only slight, you actually didn’t mind the pain. But it was the value of what you had just done. Wrapping your arms around his shoulders you sobbed. Crying from all the frustration. All the anger you had against your parents. Against your community. You had now completely turned your back on the god you once worshipped. All your life learning certain things was for nothing.

“Shhhh. It’s okay.” he rubbed your back, feeling a tingle in his gut. God, you felt so good, your pussy was clenching him perfectly but he felt sorry for you. You had lived only one way and he came in and changed your life in a blink of an eye and it wouldn't had been easy one bit for you.

He had made a promise to himself that night. While his hips started to move and your body started to stutter with him. While his lips were on yours or sucking sharply on your neck. While his hands smacked your plump ass helping you ride his cock at a desperate pace. And when he bent you over the edge of the couch so he could fuck you from behind while you creamed all over his cock for the fourth time. He was going to love you, now and forever. He was going to teach you new things every day and always make sure you were the best version of yourself. And he was going to also fuck you in every room of this house…

That last part might of just been more for his sake but it’s the thought that counts.

- ♥︎

[phosphorus-12]

so i've always wondered how hiccup's tiny little cut stayed as a scar for over 20 years

and while scarring is common when a baby is cut, that was a very very small cut

it looks like a papercut

and while this could just be a plot tool.

I think it's something better.

I think at some point, they mentioned he was a pretty sickly kid right? I wouldn't doubt it. He was a pretty tiny kid, too, which probably meant he got sick easier.

And who knows what exactly was on Cloudjumper's claw?

It probably got infected, considering Stoick was grieving, rebuilding his house, chiefing, and all sorts of other stuff, so it is likely that he didn't think about it.

Until Hiccup gets sick.

He probably worried so much that he was going to lose Hiccup too, just after Valka. Which is really sad.

But I look for angst in everything, so who am I to say anything?

[shiny-jr]

Could you do a piece of the octotrio(individually) where they confess to the reader but they reject them because they don't like them,the whole chapter 3 situation, and the reader knows that they obviously do even more shady shit? Like Jade and Floyd are pretty much confirmed part of the fish mafia, Azul is a slimeball capitalist and by relation to the twins will do even more deplorable shit. Kinda like what you did for Malleus, Kalim and Leona,please?

Warning: Yandere. Gender-neutral reader.

Characters: Azul Ashengrotto.

Summary: You already had a handful with adjusting to life at Night Raven College, what you didn't need was the extra attention from a curious student of Octavinelle. Those of Octavinelle were bad news, and you did not need whatever bad news they decided to deliver to you with a bouquet of flowers.

Note: Anon, as soon as I read this request, I made a face. And not a bad face. It's hard to describe, but to assure you, I immediately muttered, "Now that's what I'm talking about." I'm so terribly picky with accepting requests, and I hate it, but this one managed to catch my eye immediately. Man, do I love rejection requests. Rejected sad and crazy boy hours are here.

Added: I drafted this up months ago and haven't touched it until now. I've been struggling on Floyd's part, so I just decided to finish Azul's part and put that out.

When you suddenly awoke in a floating coffin and miraculously became a student at this magic school, you expected surprises but not like this. As if trying to go through the daily motions while wondering which student would snap next wasn't enough, now you had a particular fellow lurking about and watching you. It would only be a matter of time before they grew tired of waiting and would decide to strike.

Oh, would you look at that. This greedy merman now has his sights set on acquiring your love. How did this happen? Why is this happening? It's difficult to tell, but for now you can only hope that he isn't concocting some terrible plot for you.

He's terribly intelligent and much too cunning, then he has his business facade to top it off. But so many times, so many times, his facade has nearly cracked around you. In fact, you wouldn't exactly call him "cool and collected." There's a little desperation in his tone when he asks for your time in a worthwhile exchange, he states. Or how his hand grips yours and lingers for much longer than is necessary whenever he has an excuse to shake your hand. And the freebies, oh god the freebies. You don't trust anything "free" from him, but he's always offering an abundance of goods, a token of goodwill, he says. Not that you trust that either.

Azul generally seems like a talented and clever guy destined for success. But, you prefer to have no affiliation with him. It's his methods to success that you can't exactly approve of. The scams, the tricks, the intimidation, every bad deed was done in such a meticulous way under certain circumstances he sets so that he faces no repercussions in the end should something go astray. Which is why when you caught on to his desire to be close to you and give you gifts, it placed you on edge as you anticipated the big moment he would act on those feelings.

"Why, hello, dearest. What a pleasant surprise seeing you here! You do know you are always welcome in my lounge." Azul exclaimed in greeting, as if the twins hadn't herded you here. The dorm leader stood in front of your table, serving you the food you begrudgingly ordered once you realized you wouldn't be allowed to go off the hook so easily. "I hope the meal is to your liking. Now that the opportunity has presented itself, I'd like to speak with you. I must admit, I've taken quite the liking to you, so please, I implore you, consider the rare proposition I'm about to offer." Azul flashed that award-winning business smile, as he held up a bouquet of flowers decorated with colorful pastel shells. He had practiced his speech for hours, and now he was awaiting your response. However, when he noticed your hesitance and obvious discomfort, his heart stopped.

His smile became more strained as he went off script, attempting to further convince them that he was a worthy suitor.

"I assure you, I will be a wonderful significant other. Not only am I the head of the Octavinelle dorm, but I am a top student as well. As you know, I also own the Mostro Lounge and have a great many connections to students across campus."

With every second that passed, he was growing more desperate. That much was obvious.

"If you desire gifts, I will deliver gifts. If you wish for affection, I will drown you in my affection. If you ask for praise, I will pen poetry that rivals literature venerating the most coveted figures in the land and sea's histories!"

Well, this was awkward. You did not anticipate him to have the brazenness to confess publicly. It felt more like a business proposition than a confession. Maybe this was a part of his plan to profess his affection in his lounge, a controlled environment, where there was a higher chance you would accept under the pressure of the many eyes of other customers taking notice. His smile faltered the more the unease festered in his gaze as each second passed.

The answer was no. You wouldn't date him even if the deal included a weekly allowance, because you had a lot more to lose. You weren't sure what category Azul fell into. Acquaintance? Yes. Friend? Possibly, but that was pushing it a bit.

The owner of the lounge was greedy, cunning, and conniving. No matter what he had, it never was enough. Even when he swiped the powers of countless fellow students, he still wanted more. If you gave him an inch, he would take a mile. And you weren't exactly quick to forgive him for his many past transgressions.

Even if he's claimed to have mended all his ways, repented, seen the light, and made a switch, Azul remains a business man above all. And honestly, you'd rather not be dragged into his affairs, especially since you're fairly certain that some of the things he's done may be unlawful or accomplished by going through loopholes in laws. All of his attention and time was consumed by his academics, his business, and creating other deals to earn a profit. These were the three that took up his time the most, and it kept him incredibly busy. That was one thing, the other was this: How long would things be sweet before he allowed his desire to sour the relationship? Sure, at first he may shower you in gifts, cash, and affection, but you're sure that eventually the relationship would become bitter by his possessiveness and bottomless greed.

So... you're declining... I see. Perhaps the incentives aren't enough. Allow me to offer you something more. He felt humiliated. The rejection gave him flashbacks to primary school and his constant refusals then, but this one hurt ten times harder. Back then those were just silly childhood crushes that were worth nothing, this was different. This was worth more than all the cash in his vault. Eventually, he improved himself in his youth with stubborn determination, and that's how he would win again. He would use charm, manipulation, underhanded tactics, wit, and stubborn determination to ensnare your heart.

[oncewhenalongtimeago]

Hii, i just found your work and I'm obsessed!!

Been wondering if you have more of "Sorry, but I Think I Lost Your Plot"

Thank you a lot for your work!!

 Sorry, but I Think I Lost Your Plot pt 9

Pairing: Onesided!Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III x Modern!Fem!Reader

Words: 1058

You and Hiccup conversate. Again.

Tags: Time Travel, Reader into Movieverse, DoB:Live and Let Fly, first rule of fight club, unedited

<Previous - Next>

“The green fin didn’t work out?” You asked, eyeing Toothless’ proud blue. Toothless was making it a point to whip his tail so that you could see it in its full glory, fins spread out all the way.

It seemed that Deadly Nadders weren’t the only dragons who were vain.

“Meatlug tore it,” It seemed Hiccup was back in his red tunic, which you had washed, folded and returned just the other day. He had his frog apron tied around his waist, dust and smoke smudging his face and rolled-up sleeves.

“Working on fixing up the green one. I was going to repair it, but…” He laughed awkwardly, following your eyes and rubbing his sleeves with his knuckles, maybe to try and wipe off the smudge or just self-consciously, you couldn’t tell.

“Oh, well,” You trailed off with a hum. You didn’t know blue pigment was so expensive. You figured that in town the other day, bartering with one of the old folks down by the docks. You felt sort of bad for giving Hiccup the tip, for a little while, but it seems he managed it pretty well. He probably had to do a fair bit of haggling for it, though.

“It looks really nice.” You complimented, shaking away your jitters.

Toothless snuffled at you from where he was besides, sidling up to the counter to flash his fin at Hiccup, for what was probably the millionth time.

“Yeah, bud, I see you,” Hiccup rolled his eyes.

You leaned your head away, shifting the pail in your hand, watching curiously as Toothless blew into your hair indulgently. 

Hiccup glowered sourly over your shoulder. Toothless gargled back.

The pail was for Flishlegs, filled with rocks for Meatlug,though you weren’t sure if he still needed it. You were falling slightly behind. Mrs. Ingerman might appreciate having the rocks in reserve if Meatlug ever got the bright idea to try and start eating at their nice, polished stone floors again. 

You would bring it up in conversation with her again the next time you had to do any laundering. She usually was kind enough to do boots for you if they weren’t yours, the one article you refused to touch on your own.

Speaking of jobs, and casual conversation;

“Do you know where the Thorstons… The twins, are? They said they had a job for me, or something.” You shrugged.

You had a point to coming down here, though you really did want to talk yourself out of asking for it.

“The twins?” Hiccup asked. 

Peering over the counter, you could tell he was fingering a small box. You wondered what it was for.

The weirdness only upped itself tenfold with him, sometimes.

You were glad he had to mind not to just stare and drool, like that one time. He was pretty supped up on Zippleback gas, then, and you still weren’t completely sure that the lightning strike hadn’t done anything to his brain. So you didn’t hold it against him.

“Yeah,” You confirmed, sighing with false casualty, “They’re really hard to find, though. Honestly, I thought their father was bad enough on his own.”

“Their father?” 

You nodded and hummed in response, “He’s never where he needs to be, according to Mrs. Thorstong, though I’m not sure how deeply I should be trusting in her word, considering all she does is talk about how big your dad’s muscles are.”

Toothless sad back on his haunches, finding something much more interesting in the ferns lining the stone platform the forge was built on.

“What?” Hiccup balked, “Really? That…”

“Sure is something, I know. “ You nodded sagely, “By the way, how have your burns been? I know Johannes has been having an issue with the blisters. Something about needing ointment. I think Gothi just made a fresh batch, he told me, so if you need to go up the spire…”

You remembered how awkward it was trying to haul Hiccup up the ladder to Gothi’s after the lightning incident. It was an exercise in strength you didn’t have. In the end, you had to get help. So maybe it was better that the two of you had Toothless. Or not, what with the flight ban and all.

You still felt pretty bad for the acid burns, though. 

“I-no, I’m totally fine. Great, even! Unless you wanted to come, then-ah… I guess I could…” Hiccup fumbled with the box, arms contorted at an uncomfortable angle, digging his nails into the space between the lid and body in a place he probably thought was just out of view, “Really, I was wondering if…” 

“So what’s the deal with Flight Club?” You blurted out. 

You bit your lip anticipatorily, counting the seconds as they dragged by between you asking an answer. You really, really wanted to ask. The twins had been talking about it, and pretty openly at that. 

You just hoped it wouldn’t compromise your position as primarily plot-unrelated in the meantime.

“Well, I- Oh-” Hiccup fumbled for an answer. He tried to step to the side in a move that was probably supposed to be casual, though he only managed to trip against the counter, and pretty awkwardly at that.

You heard something fall to the ground, as he must have knocked something down, setting off a loud clicking noise, before something large and fast bolted past your head, displacing hair. 

Toothless hissed and jumped, tail wrapping tightly around his four legs. He nearly knocked you over with the force of it all. 

You stiffened bodily as you heard a loud crash. The hairs on the back of your neck were definitely standing.

The bola must have burst through the roof of one of the large houses behind, as you could hear the beginnings of a long chain of muffled shouts from off in the distance.

“Ouch,” You winced.

“So, Gothi’s?” Hiccup asked, stumbling around the forge counter.

You looked back and forth around the empty clearing. It was actually very empty. What was usually bustling made up quite the ghost town. Unfortunately, you were afraid that soon, that would no longer be the case.

 “We should probably get going.”

“Yeah,” Hiccup nodded, hurriedly trying, and failing, to undo the knots of his apron.

You set down your pail, shaking your arms out and brushing your hands down your skirt. 

[dokidokitsuna]

New Game?

So recently I was scrolling Twitter’s dying remains and found out that Kirby character “discourse” exists (which is just hilarious to me…how can you look at these adorable friends and decide you need to use them to start arguments).

And while I was laughing, I was reminded of something that I did find weird about the Magolor Epilogue: the idea that it’s supposedly Magolor’s ‘redemption arc’. Even in the game, one of the pause screen descriptions mentions something about ‘atonement’...

But I dunno, maybe it was an error of localization, maybe it’s just my bad sense of humor, but nothing that Magolor says in the game mode gives me the impression that he’s the slightest bit sorry about anything he’s done. ^^;;; Like, that little ‘sad sigh’ that we all saw in the trailer and used to extrapolate the tone of ME (which turned out to be hilariously inaccurate) was pretty much it. After that, he’s just like “screw this, I’m getting my powers back” and that sets the mood for the rest of the game. Determined, resilient, triumphant…those were the vibes I got from Magolor Epilogue. ‘Apologetic’ or even just ‘regretful’ was not among them. XD

The little dialogue blurbs he does when he’s upgrading his Magical Skills (you can read them here) were what really convinced me-- they’re 100% Magolor’s usual cute, funny, conceited self; if you read through them without knowing the plot of Magolor Epilogue I don’t think you could figure out that this character is supposed to be at his lowest point. ^^;; He’s still making world-domination jokes, even! THIS LITTLE--

…I hope I don’t sound angry; I actually find it really, really funny and fitting for the character; personally I wouldn’t have it any other way. XD But yeah, I’m not seeing a redemption arc here. The whole time I was just thinking “THIS BOY DIDN’T LEARN A DAMN THING” over and over as I watched…he hardly seems to feel sorry for himself, let alone for what he almost did to Pop Star. Essentially, it would not feel out of character at all for him to just go back to being a villain. 

In fact, I have to wonder…if he didn’t go through another dimensional rift at the end of the game mode…if he destroyed the Master Crown and was just stuck in interdimensional purgatory, left to figure out what to do with his life…would he consider it his second chance? Like, maybe he’d realize he never needed the Master Crown…his little anti-hero’s journey taught him that he has the potential to become an evil overlord all by himself~

[lunatic-fandom-space]

You know what its past midnight Im gonna make a post critisising acotar despite never having the read the series, the only book of SJMs ive actually read was crescent city but I spend a lot of time in anti acotar circles bc its fun being a little hater sometimes and I think I know enough by now to atleast critise some of the themes. I definitely know more about this series than I should, like I know about that immortal horse whose horse wife tragically died in horse childbirth and then Im pretty sure he died of horse sadness. And yet, despite cari can read being pretty good at explaining magic shit, I still dont know what the hell syphons are or why illyrians have them or why they matter so you really never stop learning huh

Anyway, I wanted to talk about the misogyny within the universe of acotar because its really bad, both in the sense that its just annoying and insufferable to read about even second-hand and in the sense that its badly written. The thing that inspired this was this short piece of flashfiction by @feynessupremacy about an unnamed girl from the hewn city being married off and having a horrible time living in this endless cycle of misogynistic abuse that her mom is still in and that her dauggters will end up in, all powerless to do anything against this kind of systemic sexism. I thought it was good and made its intended point pretty well but it also made me once again realize how borderline comical this series portrayal of misogyny is

Like, okay, once again, I have not read these books myself but it very much seems like the sexism in this world just materialized in the second book, from the summaries Ive watched it straightup seems like it was just not there in the first book. I mean hell, the entire plot hinges on the fact that Tamlin was sending all these fae disguised as fucked up creatures out so that they would hopefully be killed by a woman so she could break the curse, which implies that women being hunters was pretty normal. (Also, dont come at me with any kind of "oh, it doesnt specify the gender of the person who needs to break the curse a guy couldve done it as well", sjm is too insufferably heteronormative to consider that)

So basically what Im saying is, from my perspective it very much seems like sjm put not only systemic misogyny but like, incredibly violent systemic misogyny to the point where women being brutalized is basically completely normal, in her fantasy series for the sake of making a man look good because hes a wittle sad :( about it sometimes which is honestly pretty funny to me

But it gets even funnier because it doesnt even seem like sexism is really a widespread thing ? Like, i have never seen anyone else directly address this but its all I can think about: in the Nightcourt, the misogyny and institutionalized violence against women is literally the worst it possibly can be with genital mutilation and everything and then in the rest of Prythian its just like, not there. There are plenty of women with political power, the queen of adriada comes to mind first, Im pretty sure I read something about a woman from the wintercourt who was in a similar position of power, its unclear to me what all these fuckin priestesses do because theres no focus on the religion at all much less the institution(s) behind that religion, but they have to have some kind of power if theyre anything like priests in our world (although tbh they seem more like nuns to me functionally just with a diffrent name), especially Ianthe who was like a high priestess and directly in charge of Feyre, who shouldve been the most powerful woman in the springcourt by virtue of being with the high lord, Amren and Mor seem to be well respected outside of the NightCourt, their only deity is the MOTHER. Sure, there arent any "official" High Ladies but if being a High Lord entails being chosen by the magic of the land or The Cauldron or The Mother or whatever other kind of magic bullshit and women just dont get to have it for some reason, is that really indicative of the broader culture being sexist, or is that just God, Who Canonically Exists being sexist? Idk about you, but Im leaning towards the latter option

Thats not even mentioning the mortal lands which seem to be ruled by queens exclusively at the time of the story taking place, or Hybern which had Amarantha and I think her sister as well be these high-ranking generals and it wasnt presented as anything unusual. Like, are you telling me that the kingdom whose only value is "we love slavery, we would like to have slavery back" is more progressive than the court of fuckin Feminist King Rhysand?? I Am Going To Turn Into The Joker

Anyway, I think thats all I have to say, please correct me if I got any of this information wrong I cannot stress enough that I have not read these books and dont plan on reading them anytime soon, atleast not in english because reading the term mate a 1000 times sounds like too much for me to bear, atleast in german theyll probably use a term like "Gefährte/in" which doesnt make me think of actual animals

[cartoonrival]

I ALWAYS GET SO SAD WHEN PPL USE THE DECLARATION OF WOMANHOOD EP AS PROOF AKANES CISHET. Like i get that they wanna defend ranma from akane saying transphobic shit throughout and attacking her at the end, but i'm begging them to rewatch and consider her pov: up until that point she had been able to tell herself "i'm not REALLY bi because ranma's not a real girl" and now suddenly that excuse is pulled out from under her and guess what? She's STILL very clearly attracted to ranma and she panics bc she's 16 in japan in the 90s. she'll insist ranma's a boy one minute and then buy her an expensive dress and take her to get ice cream the next. she's literally not even mad at ranma for being a girl when she chases her at the end, the thing that sets her off is ranma dismissing her when she's worried about them not being able to get married as girls. homegirl did not handle it smoothly bc she was also going thru it hardcore

look man. ive talked about this episode before. i know its widely adored but i personally strongly dislike it because ranma acting so wildly out of character really annoys me even though the ice cream shop conversation is objectively revolutionary. because ranma acts so ooc throughout that whole episode i consider it to have very little bearing in terms of tgirl ranma support. but that episode is BIBLICAL for bisexual akane. the staunch refusal by fans to see anything from akane's perspective is fucking nuts. from akane's pov the PLOT of that episode is essentially EXACTLY what you said: ive been using "hes not ACTUALLY a girl as my excuse for being in love with him this whole time but now suddenly it seems like he IS actually a girl and it turns out im still very much in love with him, and im terrified to face what that means". also honestly i think akane was also annoyed that ranma was acting cowardly... bisexual or not it is true that this isnt really the person she fell for. because ranma was acting weird. so i think we should give her a little credit for that reasonable frustration as well. but in that ep she so very clearly thinks girl ranma is really cute and pretty and wants to do stuff that makes her happy and see her in pretty dresses and to be quite honest that bit at the beginning where boytype ranma is trying on her clothes and getting frustrated and dysphoric that they dont fit her right, and akane says "they dont fit me right either" makes me a little craaaazy that solidarity between cis and trans people wrt body image.... anyways everyone wants to hate akane so bad and read her in bad faith but for some reason insists on bending over backwards to read shampoo as gay

[writing-frenzy]

Beautiful Disaster AU- 2:

:P so the gremlins for this AU won't let go it seems; fitting as I eat noodles I get the author man himself, along with his favorite hater.

:3

Edit: I almost forgor to put a link for part one

Here is another poem/quote thing :3

I'm beautifully broken,

perfectly imperfect,

beautiful in my flaws.

All together I am a Beautiful Disaster.

By Unknown

Again, this fits both SQH and SJ so much :3 This will be set kinda after the Moshang extras, just without the ship happening so far (because rebuilding trust and care, and loyalty takes time, Mobei being patient enough because SQH is worth it, with SQH learning he is indeed worth it, more than worthy.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Despite what most think of the An Ding Peak Lord, the glorified immortal secretary/janitor of the Cang Qiong Mountains never misses any time. He has more months, years plotted way in advance then anyone would dream, dates and times printed into his mind with an ever ticking constantly echoing his steps. He plans weeks ahead of anything he can afford to, considering people and patterns he has noticed, procuring orders before they were ever thought to be sent, knowing his martial siblings won't noticed the needed thing until it is too late.

But even he is not all knowing, author god he may be, so when things run out faster than he expected (Ah, embezzlement or incompetence, take your pick of what it could be! Maybe even both, it could be one of those days.) He takes days at a time to get these 'urgent' orders filled, replaced, fixed, or cared for to the best of his ability.

And he can assure you, that you will find no better than him when it comes to time and logistics; he has it down to the minutes it takes him to eat a bowl of noodles, to the seconds it takes to wipe the blood from his hands from yet another sad little assassination.

His days, like any An Ding Disciple, are numbered and ruled by the water, sand, and hands of a clock.

(Needless to say, Airplane sometimes thanks himself for his lazy writing, for example; that regular clocks do exist here, even if they are usually only for the holier-than-thou nobles/too rich to ever think types. It had been one of the first ever things he bought with his hefty Peak Lord allowance, and one of the few expenses he never regrets.)

No, Shang Qinghua never misses any time; he just chooses to skip inconveniences so that he could be spending his valuable time on things that actually do need his attention.

Of course, not like he'll ever let anyone know the difference.

"Liu-Shidi, there shouldn't be any meeting today? I'm pretty sure the next Peak Lord Meeting is when Peak Lord Shen comes to his Peak Next week?" Shang Qinghua whines, feeling the drag on his pale blue An Ding robes as the Ban Zhan War God drags him to the meeting that was in fact today, but knowing his transmigrator bro, will usually put off to next week because Yue Qingyuan is a fucking pushover.

(The man literally let Shang Qinghua back; sure yeah, probably until he at least trains a successor, but the pale blue robed Peak Lord would bet money it was partly because his head disciple terrifies all the other Peak Lords. Not that he can blame them, seeing as Bai Weizhe has finally forgiven him for leaving him behind; the young man's talent and temper is a legendary thing to witness, almost seems a shame he's wasting away at An Ding.)

"There's been a development; Mount Tonglu has settled." was the grim reply Liu Qingge gave, voice tense as his body was, never letting up his grip on his clothes, getting firmer in fact, as if ready for a runner.

"... oh... oh.. OH FUCK!" Shang Qinghua lets himself curse in English, digging through his sleeves for a paper-ah, the good talisman paper, good, good, and his lucky specialized pen he had made just so he could write everywhere, "We're gonna have to hold a conference with the other sects, aren't we? We'll-fuck, have to prepare relief efforts for the common folk, patrols will have to be bolstered and increased-Damnit! We'll have to get offerings ready for the Heavenly Officials just in case..." mumbling to himself, he sends his hastily written note to his Head Disciple as a paper plane, still muttering to himself as Liu Qingge continues to drag him forward to the meeting room, only dropping him once they get inside, knocking him from his stressed filled muttering.

Just to see all Peak Lords are in attendance, with a bonus Luo Binghe even right next to Cucumber bro all grim faced.

AH! Why is there so much work?! Mountain, why now of all times and places do you have to settle? Couldn't have done until Shang Qinghua died or somehow fucking ascended? But Shang Qinghua says nothing, just letting out a pathetic whimper to the disgust of a few of his fellow Peak Lords, though a few do give a sympathetic glance.

Heck, Fan Qingxue of the Alchemy Peak Shoushan and Yao Qingli of the farmers peak Dong Ye look like they want to join him in it; Ah yeah, those two ladies were the ones deathly afraid of ghosts. Since they've always been pretty cool and the ones who gave him the least shit to worry about besides Mu Qingfang, Shang Qinghua thinks he can spare some of his good calming teas and drinks...

Or they can just go straight for Zui Xian's harder spirits (ha).

"As I'm sure everyone knows why we are here, let us get down to business." After Zhangmen-shixiong cuts through his usual bullshit with that simple opening(surprise, surprise), the immortal carries on, "After all these centuries, Mount Tonglu settling bodes ill omens, with it's last settling the precursor to a plague and famine that almost wiped the mortal plane from existence." with those grim words spoken, the atmosphere gets chilling.

"If I recall Zhangmen-Shixiong, it took thousands of desperate prayers and many more offerings before the Heavens answered the call of the people, putting down the cause of it all; a Ghostly Calamity." Yi Qingyao, Peak Lord of the beast taming peak Yanlin, says as her pale, scarred hands reaching up to sooth the twittering little bird on her shoulder. "Will we have to once more rely on their power?" Will they answer us goes unsaid in her words.

While the Heavenly Officials have been quiet for a long time, it is obvious that they are still there, what with prayers still being answered and merits still being met; just more undercover, detective style really. At least, that's how Airplane had wrote it out in PIDW; had to get a few goddesses in the harem some way after all, and having the Heavens be like secret agents in his mind had been funny at the time.

(Though it does put into a new perspective the harem overthrow and everything; hmmm, feels like he should do another house cleaning around now, just in case...)

"As nothing has happened so far, it wouldn't due to try and summon those from higher plane when we don't even know what we will be up against; with no intel about the threat, we don't know if we will need a Martial or Spiritual God." Liu Qingge states, the war strategist coming out in full swing. "It would just be a waste of resources and manpower to offer without any knowledge, especially since we do not know how long the Calamity has had time to settle into their power."

"What do you mean time to settle?!" Fan Qingxue asks, alarm coloring her face even paler than before, hands clenched into her handkerchief; like this, she really does look like a dainty little princess, all big eyes and perfect brown hair, no one would think she would be a treasure hunter the like of Indiana Jones.

"From what is known, Mount Tonglu can be open for years, centuries at a time before the gates of the City of Gu Close, the true regulators of the mountain; it never settles, only until years after a Calamity is reborn does it finally rest, all its energy spent on the new, cruel rebirth." Sun Qingfu, Peak Lord of Ku Xing, answers her with a frown, his regular smile lines stressed from it as he does. "If I may ask, does anyone know just when the Gu City gates last opened?"

By the quiet that happens, the grim face of those who do know, it is not going to be an answer they like.

"... From what was found, it was almost eight years ago." was spoken ever so softly, Shang Qinghua feeling his own eyes widen as his mind does the math;

Almost eight years ago? When Cucumber-bro...

Here, the Ban Zhan War God seems to twitch, jaw clenching for a minute before it smooths away, all emotion erased as he turns to the resident Demon Lord.

Ah, while Shang Qinghua has an idea of just why Luo Binghe is here, sitting at the table with no one bothering to comment on it; considering the Demon Emperor's vast influence, and still in control over a certain, foretelling/divination talented sect, he inwardly pleads with his Shidi, hoping it will get through.

Please do not get into a fight here with the protagonist son! (May his Protag also not start anything please!)

"Has Huan Hua Palace managed to gleam any information about the upcoming Ghostly Calamity at all." Liu Qingge asks Luo Binghe, Acting Grand Disciple of Hua Hua Palace still, even being a Demon Lord as he is. (Though, his son is more of a figurehead then anything, what with Huan Hua needing all the help they can get, at least until they restore their reputation just enough to 'promote' another.)

"... From what the Divinators have said, not much has been managed to be gathered, something seemingly blocking their sights and tools." Luo Binghe says, before looking to the sect leader, a question seemingly in his eye, to which he gets a short nod.

"It seems that both Huan Hua Palace and our own Divination Division have been trying to qualify the Calamity coming to little ends; very few details have been gathered, but I'm sure you have received details of the same city?"

That gets a stark frown on his Protagonist's face, dark eyes flashing a gloomy red before he says those damming words. "Jinlan City."

Eight Years.

Jinlan City.

... Oh Fuck his life with a rusty spoon; this is not the fucking time for a god dammed plague/famine thing!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You two bit, sell-out hack of an author! How in the fuck could you leave out such important world building! Just for fucking sex plots!" is ranted when they're alone in the bamboo house on Qing Jing Peak, Luo Binghe being in high demand to work with the other sects as the current head of the golden cultivators. Damn, but is Shang Qinghua glad that's not his problem anymore, even if he feels a bit sorry for the Hua disciples he revived just to take over his paperwork duties.

(What, it's not like he could have used that plot device for himself, considering that the Sweet Dream Seven Petal Rose could only be used on righteous, young souls, both of which he is not. Gongyi Xiao and his little bunch are doing great last he checked, even if they now have a newfound hunger for spiritually dense rocks and plants; still a surprise to have that many good nuggets in such a gilded, slimy place like Huan Hua.)

"Hmmm, more focused on what could get me my rent money at the time, you know, like an adult." Shang Qinghua sasses back, looking over all the reports constantly being sent to him, signing something there, double checking there, burning that paper here. "And considering how Calamities need actual, real deal gods to handle their fucking business, I made the executive decision to just not include them into the story."

"Binghe wouldn't lose!"

"..."

"... No, he wouldn't! He the- He's your protagonist..." here Shang Qinghua looks over to his bro, being hit once more just how young the other actually is, green eyes wide as they take him in.

"Calamities were not named lightly bro; they earn that title through pain, agony, and a resentment that refuses to ever fucking die." Here, Airplane comes into full swing, rambles of a favored topic only an author can understand dumping out, "It was one of my favorite things to plot out in my original draft, I did so much research and writing for what I was going to have as a neutral recurring character for an arc or two here or there, someone who could make the Luo Binghe bow in respect. Calamities were a part of the whole for the reason pure blooded Heavenly Demons were wiped out." he explains, only for Shen Qingqiu to interrupt.

"Because very few Demons or Spiritual Creatures can affect ghosts, so that the protagonist could show off fancy cultivation tricks with his companions or wives." his green clad bro finishes, a death grip on his fan.

"Yeah, had to justify at times why my protag would bother leveling his human side, considering how op his demonic blood was. I figured ghost would be an even playground, while not effecting demons much, couldn't actually be effected that much in turn." Shang Qinghua shrugs, wincing at the pops and cracks as he does, before going right back to his paperwork; he really should have went back to his peak, he really would get more done, but with his favorite hater's memory, it would be worth the cutting into his time if it could jog his own memory of his story.

From what he wrote in Proud Immortal Demon Way, Mount Tonglu was only in one arc of his story, his son having to find the ghost of one of his favored wives to revive her, who ended up being sucked up into the mountain. Luo Binghe had to struggle hard, getting the aid of a sexy Ghostly Cultivator and a Demonic one to help him along the path to find the ghost of his wife. It was a race against time and enemies, ghosts who would rip anyone to shreds, and to ensure his ghostly wife wouldn't gather too much energy from the place so that she couldn't leave.

Thanks to his Sexy helpers, plot amor, and general bullshit plot devices, Luo Binghe saves his dear wife's ghost, revives her, and has some sexy papapa times with all three ladies from the adventure. (Though the two don't actually end up wifed to Luo Binghe from what he remembers.) But despite all the bullshit, Airplane remembers at the time he only wrote the group going as far as the second level, just in the mountain proper, and sure as hell nowhere near the really important parts; the ancient city of Wukong, and the Kiln that attracted all the ghosts in the first place. Otherwise, he would have had to write a fight scene that Luo Binghe could not win.

And couldn't pay his bills; so thus, Mount Tonglu and all its possibilities got shafted, just another plot thread left dangling among the many others he had in the wind, taunting his readers as it were.

One that gives context, but no longer any help with their situation.

After that bit of thoughtful silence, Cucumber bro begins to say something, only for a knock at the door to interrupt them.

"Shizun, apologies for interruption, but the Head Disciple from An Ding Peak is here." that sweet voice can only be from one of his sweetest characters, one Ning Yingying.

"Ah, you can just come on in Bai Weizhe, I don't think-ah!" Shang Qinghua calls, before sputtering as his bro proceeds to spit take all over him, "Gross, seriously gross bro."

All that gets is the stunned, incredulous gaze from his friend, before his rather stunning Head Disciple comes in, looking like he should be the Peak Lord honestly. Really, he makes the light blue and grey of the HD Uniform look like the highest fashion, with those highly noble features and crystal grey eyes. The young man is just missing a crown in that silky black hair, and bam, he'd look the part.

Well, then he'll get that look in those usually gentle eyes and then he'll look more like he should be the Ban Zhan or Qing Jing Peak Lord; just like now, a storm brewing clouds as he takes in the two Peak Lords before him, darkening as they look to his dripping Shizun.

"This disciple hopes he was not interrupting anything? There is unfortunately much work for Shizun to do, and so little time to do it." His disciple says, face perfectly bland even as he ignores any of the custom greetings one should do before their elders, especially those way above in seniority. Raising an eyebrow at his disciple, as while Shang Qinghua could let him get away with murder, decorum and manners are not something his disciples skip on, a tool he has trained them to practically weaponize.

But Bai Weizhe merely smiles like sugar won't melt in his mouth, completely transforming that handsome face into a truly devastating attack, his raging eyes the only give away. Hearing Cucumber bro choke beside him, Shang Qinghua makes to stand up, sighing once more.

"Ah well, just another storm to weather through, maybe if I'm lucky I can just hide away on my Peak or the Northern- I'm not lucky am I?" Shang starts hopefully, only to see the darkening of his disciple's eyes.

"...When the Divinatiors were divining into the future, they managed to find out one more thing." Here Weizhe's eyes flicker, looking down for a minute before back to him, the only sign he gives off he is worried, "When looking to see who would go to investigate, Long-Shigu only kept getting omens of death, no matter who was drawn from the lots..." Here, his disciple takes a deep breath, Shang Qinghua himself now worried for his student, putting a hand on their shoulder to ground them, calm them however he could (along with himself).

"It's only when Shizun's name was drawn to go that the omens lightened at all."

... Fuck, if Long Qingyu, the Zui Xian Peak Lord, the best Divination Master this side of the Jianghu that wasn't part of Huan Hua said so, then it was so...

Damn it to planes and noddles, but he's already missing his bed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I look at you, and I just love you, and it terrifies me. It terrifies me what I would do for you."

By Alexandra Bracken

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shen Yuan can fully admit, if only to himself, that he might just be, slightly, just ever so slightly, terrified.

Of course, he'll admit this too no one; despite how OOC the System has let him become, how it stays in 'standby mode', some habits have just become too ingrained at this point to change, forged as they were into his shield. It has been both a boon and a bane as it were in his day to day, keeping him together through most storms in his life, even if it's left him sopping wet afterwards.

But in the end, at least he still has someone to warm him up, a calm within that storm to rest his weary body for a time... Even if they truly aren't an actual escape from said storm.

"Shizun, is there anything you need? Anything I can do?" His Binghe fusses, those clear dark eyes of his not able to hide the tightening worry scrunching them, face still beautiful even as full of negativity as it is.

"Just be as ready as possible; we do not know what to expect, with assumptions being a foe that could blind us when we least expect them." Shen Qingqiu speaks, truly trying not to think about it, about just what kind of situation they are about to be walking into, the ruins of Jinlan City just a bit before them damningly, the Base Camp the Cultivation Sects pulled together to create rest less then a mile away in the distance.

'Oh, but how hard it is to not make any...' the transmigrator can't help but think, grimacing behind his fan as he can just notice the stares from others around them, some judgmental, other pitying, but all still obviously looking at them.

After all, eight years ago was the day he first 'died' in this world. Combined with the issues with the Sowers, then the resulting destruction of said city... it didn't paint the best of pictures.

As expected of a protagonist; even after the 'happy ever after', there was still no rest from possible story lines. (Shen Yuan honestly at times was just... tired of them. Didn't he and Binghe, especially his Binghe, deserve a rest?...

He'd rather be caught in a wife plot even at this point.)

"... A-Yuan?" was whispered rather lowly, right into his ear and behind his fan, so no one with advanced cultivation could hear or see what he was saying, "Is this some sort of... event?" His disciple asked, making his Shizun pause in his fanning for a moment, before returning, not even so much of a twitch on his face.

"...That has not made any signs of movement beyond what it has told me and your Shang-Shishu." Shen Yuan answers carefully, ignoring the brief twitch of disgust on his husband's face at the mention of the other man, "It has been quiet since a year ago." At least, from what Shang Qinghua has told him about his months long misadventure.

"... I see." there, just slightly, is a bit of relief in Luo Binghe's face, Shen Qingqiu unable to stop his own weary smile at the sight.

Despite everything, despite how he will never, ever tell his fellow transmigrator, he is grateful the man convinced him to tell Binghe as much as he could about their transmigration.

Even if it felt like a kick in the teeth at the time.

("... Bro." Shang Qinghua has a look in his eyes that makes Shen Yuan freeze, fully reminded, in that moment, in that time, that for all his fellow transmigrator plays around and whines, the man has earned his Peak Lord title, and all that it entails. "You know the tropes, the clinches, the story; what part of keeping all those secrets to yourself seems like a good idea?"

Here he couldn't help but bristle, "And in what story do you see a character actually talk about being from another world, hmm? What can I even say?!" He stops himself from going to hit the other with his fan, the urge stifled as he sees those brown eyes darken as they narrow.

"I've found that as long as I kept it vague, I can get the general idea of what happened across. I've experimented with My King and my Head Disciple, and the only time I was stopped was when I was about to mention the System directly. Otherwise I was good to go..." here the older man pauses, before he sighs even as Shen Yuan gaps, honestly stunned the other man actually tried something like that.

"Look, Shen Yuan, do you want your relationship with Binghe to work out?"

"!! Of course!"

"Then tell him; tell him before it is too late and you really become a foil for Yue Qi and his Shen Jiu." here, hearing his name and the mention of those two, Shen Yuan cannot help but pale, seeming to stop and stare at the bitter author god before him.

"Wha-"

"... Cucumber-bro, for all you remember about my stallion protagonist webnovel, you seem to always forget it's a tradegy at its core..." here the other man just looks so tired, staring into his teacup instead of directing those all too knowing earth colored eyes to him.

"And the promis of love was always meant to be Binghe's greatest weakness.")

"Ah, greeting from this Disciple to Shen-Shishu, Lord Luo." was greeted, Shen Qingqiu nearly jumping if he hadn't already noticed his husband was looking over, even if he did look stiffly over to the voice.

One Bai Weizhe stood there before them, not a hair out of place, his face neutral, calm and as if he probably wasn't plotting how to slit your throat in your sleep. Like he isn't secretly some powerhouse that could probably go toe-toe with Yue Qingyuan and even toy with the man if he felt like it.

"Ah, good day Bai-Shizhi, has everything been completed and set up?" Shen Qingqiu asks, fanning himself lightly, doing his best to pretend that this is just a regular disciple, that their is nothing wrong with them, that he is just a wrong word from breaking out into a cold sweat.

"Yes, this disciple was sent to gather all the participating Peak Lords coming from Cang Qiong Mountains; all preparations have been made, Long-Shigu and Huan Hua Palace saying soon will be the best time to enter the city. I'm sure that these Lords can find the way their themselves?" Shen Qingqiu nearly frowns at this subtle though pointed disrespect, having to gently tap his fan on his husband's shoulder before he can say anything.

"These Lords are capable of it, though it would do Shizhi well to remember their manners; I'm sure your Shifu has taught you better than that?" The Peak Lord comments, knowing if he doesn't say something, then Binghe will-

And while that face is still as calm as before, those eyes giving nothing away, there is something about that pause that says Shen Qingqiu has said the wrong thing.

"This disciple will keep it in mind, Shen-Shishu. Please pardon me, I must go and find the other Peak Lords joining the scouting force." With that, and a shallow boy just respectful enough, the young man hurries along, the pale blue and grey of his robes fluttering in the wind as he goes.

Outwardly, the Qing Jing Peak Lord seems as calm as can be, soothing his fussy husband as they walk over to the main tend of the Camp, not even flustered a bit by the altercation.

Inside on the other hand, Peerless Cucumber is just 'aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, Airplane of all villains you picked up, why him!? Why him as your HD?!'

Now, while Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky had made plenty of low IQ and forgettable villains in the story, it just meant that when he actually pulled out the good ones, he made them unforgettable. From the beloved 'Big Brother' Pan Shan, a villain only in protection of his family, to the literal 'Calamitous Beauty' Tan Xifeng, a woman so proud and strong she rather turn to ashes forever then be trapped in the Harem, Bai Weizhe was just as up there, the calm 'True Mastermind' in the name of revenge in PIDW.

In the set up, The Bai Family is a very high ranking Cultivation Family, just as high if not more so than the Liu family, said to be descended from heavenly beings, granted power and weapons of that level because of it. But over the years, with less and less powerful Cultivators coming from the family, the Bai Family head got desperate, making his son marry multiple women to try and birth a hopefully powerful heir. And seeing how much of a playboy the man was, with plenty of bastards beforehand, it wasn't too hard for the man to put out it seem. Of his many spawn, two ended up as wives to Bingge and of course a few becoming villains for the arc.

But Bai Weizhe, when first introduced, it shows one of his half-sisters, a future wife, trying to defend him from another of their siblings who were attempting to torture him. All throughout the arc's mystery, one learns more of the future wives alongside this weak bastard son of a maid and the Family Head's son, learning they were little more than a slave to the Family Head and his Son's whims.

Bai Weizhe had seemed like a helpful, if slightly talented npc, being more of an awkward emotional support then any seeming threat, even if things seemed ever so slightly off about him, most of which could probably be excused by just how abused he had been. In fact, many thought the man would become a little brother character, Binghe taking in the poor bastard son as a future assistant or something because of how intelligent he was (with rotten girls going even farther and saying he would become part of the harem.)

But when the plot twist was revealed, with it turning out the murders and almost complete alienation of the Bai Family was all his doing, daringly using the protagonist to do his dirty work for him... it had been as shocking as it was satisfying to the readers, some actually rereading the entire arc with eyes wide open to take in all those little clues and cues to the real monster hiding behind the mask.

But of course, Luo Binghe being Luo Binghe in Proud Immortal Demon Way, Th Bai Bastard meets his end and Bingge gets the Bai Family twins and some family treasure as a bonus... (Though, from debates and such, it actually has been argued that his death may have either been faked or the man had a back up prepared.

Knowing PIDW and all it's bullshit plot devices... he can see it, especially after meeting him.)

But coming to the tent, Shen Qingqiu pushes all thoughts aside, face grim as he looks over his fellow gathered Peak Lords.

Yue Qingyuan. Shang Qinghua. Mu Qingfang. Liu Qingge. Qi Qingqi. Himself and his husband.

"Both the best and worst team to send." Long Qingyu's bitter words spoken broke through the tents atmosphere, making everyone tense as she did. The Zui Xian Peak Lord took a gulp from her bottle, truly stressed if she was drinking in front of them, "I cannot say much, or do anything else but offer this one last advice; make sure you actually listen." she stresses, golden hair slipping from her messily made bun as she pushes it back even as she takes another swing of her drink, mismatched brown and green eyes closed as she does.

"Listen to what?" Liu Qingge asks, eyeing the woman as she finishes her drink with a mournful look.

"Just as I said; listen. Do not assume, do not judge, do think before you damn well speak-" Here she stops herself, teeth gritted as she breaths through them, before opening her eyes once more, "I can say no more, not unless I want the omens to darken even further. Just get ready to go." with that, the woman is gone as fast as she came in, closing the tent behind her with a loud snap.

Staring at everyone, meeting eyes with a few before looking to his Binghe, Shen Qingqiu starts to prepare himself, checking just in case for anything that could have been missed.

Come what may, he and the others will be as ready as they can be, going against the Calamity as they are.

It'll have to be enough.

(Oh, but they will never be ready, unknowing of the poisonous green eyes watching, waiting for them all this time.

They've waited long enough.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author's note:

And here we have our favorite disaster bi's, Airplane and Cucumber-bro! Man, both are great characters, my bias being Airplane, but Shen Yuan is also such an interesting character to delve into, being one of the favs I both want to hug and just smack over the head :>

The second quote I found I feel can really seem to resonate with Shen Yuan, when our boy stops repressing and actually lets himself feel.

Also, while I like BingQiu... boi, does that relationship have issues, ones I really hope they did indeed talk through when they could (They have a fuck ton of time to do so, so here I had Airplane help and kick them into gear; nothing like be reminded of tropes and the fact that your hubby is a fucking Tragedy Protag. :> )

Anyways~

Airplane: *Revives a bunch of disciples because he does not want to deal with the paperwork* ... why are you looking at me like that, stop that, go back to your sect.

So many OCs this chapter, I'll just do a spot light for one because then this chapter will just be author's note. (not too mention how he kept worming his way everywhere, just smiling at me as he did.)

Bai Weizhe: Means Outgoing, great sage because I like it; little fun fact, how I have my OC Bai Weizhe: he was actually a high IQ Villain in PIDW, (think if Lan Zhan and Jin Guangyao had a baby, he'd be that baby :3 ) the bastard son of a great cultivation family where Luo Binghe was doing the 'acting like a pig to get the tiger' sort of deal. He was actually a genuine, hidden boss level threat for at least one-two arcs before he had to get fridged for papapa plot (tho.. more like a faked death, Airplane always had a soft spot for his villains after all :3). In fact, it was mentioned in Villainous monologue that he had went to join CQM sect, but due to sabotage by his family, never got the chance in PIDW.

In SVSSS, Airplane was still in the process of working on his 'applying by application' process to An Ding (because I love this headcannon, it gives me fucking life, I am still mad for losing the bookmark to the story that inspired it.) so he still picked disciples by the digging test for a while. He sees this one poor little guy digging despite looking like he's gonna pass out any minute, powering through it with sheer determination and spite, the other Peaks Lords and Disciples already dismissing them, thinking he has low cultivation/poor prospect.

Shang Qinghua though doesn't care about all that; he very much wants that determination (and spite, gotta respect it) He can use all he can get! *After the kid cleans up and gets the drugs out of his system, Shang Qinghua blinks, double takes* WTF when did I have a talent on my peak??

Bai Weizhe: *Smiles like butter won't melt in his mouth* I've always been here Shizun.

(Does Airplane remember him? lol nope, but Shen Yuan sure does :D)

Also, none of the An Ding disciples really 'care' about Shang Qinghua's betrayal (Anyone on An Ding? Oh, they've dreamed of much worse; so much worse~) :) They Just :) Are a bit Upset :) about being Left Behind. :) But its all good; their Shizun came back :)

(And if the sect knows whats good for it, he'll stay where he fucking belongs.)

[dunnodontask]

First Time pt. 1/?

Mike Schmidt x Ness the Waiter, securitywaiter, dreamtheory

Mike is emotionally stunted, its endearing and sad.

Somehow, this ended up not being smut. Just a buildup lol.

CW: none 👍

The transition from friendship with Ness to a romantic relationship with Ness was gradual and nearly imperceptible. Mike couldn’t pinpoint when everything changed.

When “Welcome back, sugar”’s became “Welcome back, sugar”’s with a kiss on the cheek.

When sleepy “good mornings” stopped occurring in the kitchen and instead switched to sleepy “good mornings” while curled together on Mike’s bed.

When opposite side of the couch movie nights became sharing a blanket movie nights, which became Mike’s hand on Ness’s thigh under the blanket just because he wanted his hand there movie nights.

They just sort of became that way, as time passed. Not that Mike minded. It was nice. That last one did scare him a little bit though. Not because he didn’t want it. He did, really. He wanted more, actually. But he didn’t really know how to broach the subject.

Mike was a virgin. He didn’t really have the time or emotional preparedness for relationships much of his life. He had a lot of baggage and it wasn’t a secret that most people found that to be a deterrent. And Mike was fine with that. Lonely, maybe, but fine.

But now he had Ness, who had somehow seen that baggage and decided to pursue Mike anyway. Why exactly, Mike wasn’t sure. But he certainly wasn’t going to question it.

So Mike wanted to take things further with Ness. Desperately. But he didn’t know how. Was he just supposed to ask? Or make a move? What kind of move? What did he even want? What was the next step?

Those were the kinds of questions swirling around inside Mike’s skull as he absent-mindedly rubbed circles on Ness’s thigh with his thumb that evening. It was late, nearly 11 pm, and some shitty late 90s horror film was playing on the tv. It served as little more than background noise to the conversations Mike was practicing in his head. Ness seemed interested in it though, so he didn’t have to worry about explaining his distracted silence to the other man. Not than Ness would likely mention it, if he noticed. He was pretty good at detecting when Mike’s social battery was nearly or completely empty and taking over a conversation so that he could just listen. It was one if the ways Ness just got him.

Ness shifted suddenly, drawing Mike’s attention towards him.

“This is so dumb, the plot doesn’t make any sense.” Ness murmured, reaching for the remote. “Do you mind it I turn it off?”

Mike nodded.

“I wasn’t paying attention to be honest.” He replied.

Ness hummed in response, as he powered down television. “You didn’t miss much.”

He replaced the remote on the table and sat back, leaning into Mike’s sturdy frame. “Everything okay, sugar? You’ve been quiet all night.”

Mike swallowed thickly, his cheeks turning pink as he searched for a good response. “Just thinkin about stuff I guess.” He managed, shrugging half-heartedly.

Ness hummed again. “Anything interesting?” He asked, tone light, almost teasing.

Mike’s brain stuttered as he tried to come up with something to say. He had the perfect opportunity, but he didn’t know how to use it. He felt his palms start to get clammy as his nerves got the better of him. Would Ness feel it through his pants? Mike considered pulling his hand away, but wondered if that would imply he didn’t want this to happen. IF anything was happening, which he wasn’t sure if it was.

He must have been quiet for too long, because Ness spoke up again, voice now concerned. “Mike? You alright?”

Ness placed a hand on his forearm, the touch light but excruciatingly tender. It made Mike want to scream, mostly at himself for stalling. Instead, he made a low, exasperated sound, that sounded a bit like a whine and a groan at the same time.

“I can’t- I don’t know how to do this.” Mike groaned, burying his head in his hands.

“Do what?” Ness asked, tone more concerned now. He searched for some kind of explanation to Mike’s statement. “Are you… breaking up with me? Or I don’t know- are you dying?”

“No!” Mike protested, than cringed at his own volume. He listened for movement in the next room, fearing he woke Abby. Hearing nothing, he sighed and continued. “No, nothing like that, I promise.”

Ness looked somewhat relieved, but still very confused. “Then what is it?”

Mike felt his face flush, and was thankful for the darkness of the room. “I- I want to move things forward… with us.” It was the best he was going to be able to do.

Silence. Mike felt his stomach cramp as his nerves took hold again. Did Ness understand what he meant? Was he upset? Did he-

“You mean like have sex?” Ness’s voice broke his train of thought.

“I- I mean yeah. But only if you want to!” Mike assured.

He felt a sudden smack to his shoulder, followed by Ness’s exasperated voice. “Mike! For the love of-“ Ness’s own laughter interrupted him. It wasn’t a cruel laugh, like Mike worried it would be. (But, when had Ness ever been cruel?) “I thought something was wrong! You had me worried for nothing!” He scolded.

Mike smiled sheepishly. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” He apologized. “I just… I really like you, Ness. And I don’t want to ruin this.”

It was excruciatingly open, especially for Mike. He had spent a lifetime building these walls, tearing them down wasn’t easy. But he would do it, for Ness.

“Oh, Mike…”

Mike felt arms reach around his neck as Ness leaned forward to kiss him. It was chaste, lacking the heat Mike desired so badly, but had a sweetness to it that made his heart flutter.

“You aren’t going to ruin anything. No matter how hard you try, you’re stuck with me.” Ness teased, running long fingers through Mike’s hair. “And I do want to have sex with you.” He continued, lowering his volume slightly. “All you had to do was ask.”

Mike shrugged, a bit embarrassed in hindsight. “I know… I just. I’ve never… done anything like this before.”

Ness paused, fingers midway through another sweep across Mike’s scalp. “Wait- you’re a virgin?” He asked, leaning back to gauge the other man’s reaction.

Mike hesitated, than nodded slowly.

“Oh.” That was not what Ness expected at all. Though, it made sense. He wasn’t sure why he was surprised. “That’s okay!” He assured as the other mans face fell. “I was just curious, really, it’s not a big deal or anything.”

Mike shrugged, embarrassed. “I know, it’s just kinda lame. But I only have myself to blame, I guess.”

Ness frowned. “It’s not lame… lots of people are virgins. Like I said, it really isn’t that big of a deal. “Pluuuus…” He drew out the ‘uh’ sound as he tangled his fingers back in Mike’s dark locks again. “I can teach you.” A grin spread across his face as he spoke.

Mike felt his ears become warm as imagined what Ness had in mind. “Oh?” Was all he could manage.

Ness hummed in confirmation, before leaning forwards to kiss Mike again. There was more heat behind it than their earlier kiss. Mike’s heart thundered in his chest, and he wondered briefly if Ness could hear it. If he could, he didn’t mention it.

Continued in part 2

[rantceratops]

Hey so like, I'm looking at your post about still believing in Luz and Hunter as siblings. I'm on board for that too obviously, and am thinking of the part where he's in The Collector's palace and feeling like no one is waiting for him. I guess I'm trying to rationalize somehow...why he wasn't thinking of her words "You're family now" right after he sent Willow off to her parents. I get why the writers wanted to include Luz's narration of "And if someone thought they had no one waiting for them, well, they were in for a nice surprise", yet I'm sort of telling myself that perhaps Hunter didn't want to burden Luz and Camila at that time or something. If he's Luz's sibling he could just walk to Eda's house and join them there after making sure Gus and Willow are reunited with their family. Maybe that's what he, Darius and Eberwolf did offscreen after they reunited. Hm..

Honestly, I almost don't get the point of them including the "You're family now" line in TTT if they weren't going to follow it up with something a little more solid. Then again, one of my major gripes with the last three episodes in general are them constantly bringing up plot points that don't ever get any real follow-up("You're family now"; Hunter's flashstep powers(why did he even get them if they weren't going to be used in the finale in a major way? Seems like an odd writing choice so late in the game. And I am a FAN of him still having the flashstep, but I'm still pointing this out as a weird choice); Hunter not getting time to grieve at ALL; no Wittebro/Evelyn lore(I think TTT should have done a proper delve into their past. I don't necessarily think it's a good choice to leave it unexplored, but I'm kinda torn); Hunter's fear over the others finding out he was a Grimwalker getting glossed over with two lines when it was SUCH a Big Deal to him and he needed a proper conversation about it - that one's a BIG beef; probably several more I'm forgetting).

And like, back on Hunter and Luz Siblings, as I've said, it doesn't have to be straight up adoption papers or anything, it's found family, it doesn't have to be traditional anything. I just think it's so weird to have this really significant moment where Luz calls him that and he literally bursts into tears over it because he has no one at that point, but then there's not like, any other pay off or mention of it? (Camila also called him 'baby'.)

Imagine if Hunter had been looking sad after Willow ran to her dads, then Camila(and Luz maybe, even though she was still with Eda at the time), came up and smiled at him and hugged him? Really cementing that found family thing that was brought up with them. (And just to be clear, none of this means I would have wanted Hunter to live in the Human Realm, I was never a fan of that idea. I just want him to be Luz's sibling and visit the Human Realm often because he has a PLACE there that will always be there for him when he needs it.)

I pretty much figured they'd go for Dadrius, and I'm not like... livid about it or anything. I just think if they really wanted to go that route then they should have built it up more, and I personally would have also needed an apology from Darius to Hunter about how he treated him in ASIAS was wrong and how he's going to be better from there on out, etc, before I feel like that scenario would have any actual meaning or pay-off. (I am not bashing Darius, I like Darius, but he treated Hunter like shit in ASIAS.)

All this being said, I don't think the ending negates Hunter being Luz's sibling, even if Darius straight adopted him(I don't think he did), it doesn't mean he's lost his place with other important guardian/parental/mentor figures in his life. I think that's the most beautiful thing about found family. I think most of my salt just comes from them not really following a thread that was seemingly started in TTT and seemed like an awfully Big Damn Deal to the boy, considering how hard he cried.

I'm being salty and I have my critiques, but don't mistake this for me hating on the show or anything. I still really enjoyed the finale, but as a fan I have issues and things I didn't like.

[sadistpet]

Meet the Writer

it's munday everybunny you know what that means

ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘɪᴄᴋ ᴜᴘ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴜʀʀᴇɴᴛ ᴍᴜꜱᴇ(ꜱ) ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ?

i love choosing muses that aren’t very. canonically fleshed out. it gives me a lot of opportunity to make them into my own ig :3

raikov is generally a pretty blank slate besides the little we know about him ( being violent / sadistic, being in love with volgin, u kno ) and i think he's potentially a really interesting character from what little we see of him. im personally not ascribed to the eva theory bc i think its kinda silly and robs him of a lot of his personal agency, but it is a common theory, so i kinda wanted to build up a characterisation that was more. faithful to canon rather than fanon u kno. plus sometimes my autism just latches onto specific random characters for no reason and in this case it was raikov JDSFHDFKJ my partner loves raiden and when we were scrolling his wiki page for the funnies obviously raikov's page comes up at the top as a "maybe you meant this" and i just kept coming back to him

ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ?

SURPRISINGLY ENOUGH i hate writing anything with like. eating?? which is ironic considering . raikov . but i just never know how to word it BUT aside from that i think combat is really the only thing ! just cause i feel like it relies heavily on input from both parties and i constantly feel like im overstepping kjshkfjhg

ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ?

fluff angst smut grins. they just come a lot easier to me, especially angst because i always have a LOT to say about silly little internal thought processes and i love writing sadness and pain ^-^ it makes me very gleeful ironically jdkhfdjhg i get very emotionally invested in angst especially. smut is a little bit harder? kinda like with combat ironically it heavily relies on the input of both parties but i do feel for the most part its pretty open ended fun :3

ʜᴏᴡ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴜᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴꜱ?

i just know. BUT NO SERIOUSLY sometimes it's just Vibes, sometimes it's through reading canon stuff and linking it back to my backstory for him, sometimes it's through interactions with others. there's a lot :3 i do put a lot of thought into my headcanons though, maybe like. too much lmao. but i enjoy it i really love doing a lot of analysis to get to my headcanons

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ɪɴ ꜱɪʟᴇɴᴄᴇ ᴏʀ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀʏ ᴍᴜꜱɪᴄ?

a bit of both ! rn i'm writing in silence and i think last night i was mostly writing in silence on my phone and then listening to music while i finished stuff on pc. i think it depends ? sometimes i just get really distracted when listening to music and end up completely neglecting actually writing HDFJGHED so i think overall i prefer silence, or something in the background that i've already seen before so i don't need to pay much attention to it

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀᴇᴘʟɪᴇꜱ ᴏʀ ᴡɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇᴍ?

i love winging it :3 i like the unpredictability of it but i think i tend to like. outline ? replies before i actually write them properly. ive never really plotted with anyone besides a vague kinda outline or premise, because i do really like the unpredictability :3 but im always open to plotting grins cutely.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ꜱʜɪᴘᴘɪɴɢ?

Yes. not just romantic shipping; sexual, enemies, rivals, whatever, idgaf I LOVE CONNECTIONS!!!!!!! i love being able to write relationships between characters. even if its like, familial relationships or whatever, i think it's SO FUN like ourgh. grins really big

ᴡʜᴀᴛ'ꜱ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴀʟɪᴀꜱ/ɴᴀᴍᴇ?

frances ! it’s not my irl name but the one im most comfortable using online. i also go by rosalind, neo, and vanya :3 one of these is closest to my irl name but youll never guess

ᴀɢᴇ?

22, 23 this year somehow

ʙɪʀᴛʜᴅᴀʏ?

september 17th !

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ᴄᴏʟᴏʀ(ꜱ)?

pink. fairy tale pink. baby pink. any shade of pink

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴏɴɢ(ꜱ)?

UM im not sure ?? of all time maybe dysph.oric reverie by [redacted] and the art of suicide by emilie autumn and valley of the dolls by marina atm though its a stranger i remain and holding out for a hero

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴍᴏᴠɪᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ?

the thing (1982) !! oh it was so fucking good i really really enjoyed it. theres a bunch of old classic horror films ive never seen so im glad i could tick one off the list :3 the effects in it were absolutely stunning my goodness

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ?

i think it was blue eye samurai ?? i gen dont remember

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱᴏɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪꜱᴛᴇɴᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ?

im so sorry for my crimes but it was the stains of time and then holding out for a hero

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜰᴏᴏᴅ?

meat. and sweet things. i dont think i really have any favourites in particular besides liiiike caramel

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴇᴀꜱᴏɴ?

spring ! all the other seasons make me depressed in some way somehow

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ ʙᴇꜱᴛ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ?

i have avoidant personality disorder so im too scared to explicitly call anybody my friend in case they hate me so unfortunately i will not think of us as friends unless yuou tell me we are. but if i talk to you / interact with you regularly just know i consider u a friend ok. snf

[vendetta-if]

Sometimes my MC (Daciana Pavlovich Morozov) shows her meanness to her uncle but kills him in the feels with very sweet and mushy stuff. So here is a random amount of my head cannon I think my Mc would do that is not related to the plot

One: My mc was a gothic kid when she was younger. Now I'm unsure if it was puberty or loss of her beloved dad but I like to think when she goes through teenager age she took a dark alternative style and Ash and her uncle Luka got to bond over black dark clothes and maybe go to a hot topic? Or a clothing store that sells grunge and punk clothes.

(pss: my mc now as an adult doesn't wear clothes like that as she wanted to be taken more serious and authoritarian when taking over as head to the family. So her clothes now are business casual or business themed but if uncle Luka brought her creepy gothic plushie she still has on her night stand)

Two: My mc has handmade shrines dedicated to her dead family members {ie: dad, aunt that can't remember her name, grandmother}. It's completely homemade by the wood and picture frame; each shrine is dedicated to the person who passed away and has their picture from time where they are the happiest or very memorable moment, and covered by either their favorite flowers or flower that represents their personality with different tokens (ie: their favorite perfume, jewelry, or anything that reminds her of them)

Three: My mc megamind tendencies. Yeah this is basically explanatory from my previous post/ask but I can see **whenever** the wedding for Luka and Jackal happens whether that's a small wedding or big event or off screen for sequel or end this game. If not the wedding planner she definitely would recommend an alternative to wedding rings (ie:like getting them tattooed or in scripted dagger with their wedding vow I'm looking at you Jackal) and then her making either special weapon for Jackal to celebrate him getting into the family

Aww love these headcanons so much 😭 Yeah, Luka will certainly still buy your MC some creepy gothic plushies and stuff, and maybe even some dark alternative style clothing. Other than it being some kind of an inside joke/knowledge between them, I feel like it is also Luka's way to cling on to the little MC he has always been protecting 🥺 MC and Ash grow up so fast, Luka just can't catch up.

And the lil handmade shrines... That's kinda sad but also sweet. I think that's a good way for MC to kind of "talk" to them about their day or about what's been happening in their life without having to go visit the cemetery at the edge of the city.

As for Luka's and Jackal's wedding, it would most likely be a pretty small party with only his family, closest friends, and maybe some of the more important people in the city attending (even the latter one is pushing his limit 😆). You might hopefully be able to see it in the Epilogue since I think that's a pretty neat segue kind of to the sequel later on where you play as his kid.

And ooh, the idea about the alternative wedding ring being tattoos 🤔It's so dramatic and extra, I kinda love it and you know Luka and Jackal are the type to actually consider doing that if your MC suggests it 😂 Now, Jackal won't have to worry about accidentally losing their wedding ring while doing missions, and none of them can "take off" the rings; it'll be a part of them at all times.

[kaeyx]

somno poe <333

adding onto the fucking Poe in his sleep part y'know what would be weirdly funny. Him noticing how sore you are in the morning/the next day or two. and KNOWING you fucked someone, but he didn't visit you last night. so he gets jealous but also anxious because. what if he WON'T get a chance with you at all & he's losing you. He knows he cant do anything too drastic because he wants you to love him, trapping you in a book can wait until he knows for absolute certain who your partner is , if it wasn't just a one night thing

whoever you slept with must have done a damn good job, you seem pretty happy.

even better if you fuck him in his sleep multiple nights

he either makes more frequent visits to you at night or just kinda. tries?? to be more friendly w/ you, getting you gifts & staying close to you and making sure he has your attention when he can, without it being too suspicious.

But, we know Poe's smart. Ranpo beats him, yes, but he's Ranpo. We really need to see Poe go against other detective people. but anyway thats beside the point

point is, eventually he'd connect the dots between; 1) he can't find anyone else's items in your house other than people he knows don't fuck you, 2) he sleeps deeper the nights before he notices that you're visibly sore & he's more tired/groggy in the morning, 3) he swears you've been looking at him a bit differently. he can't tell if you're plotting something [when you should fuck him next] or if you're almost admiring(?) him, and 4) no one else has been acting differently around you. there's no giveaway for who the hell you could be fucking.

it'll probably take a while to actually consider it for long because he doesn't see why you'd actually want him, but eventually he realizes he was the one you fuck. instant flustered mess & instant horny.

I wonder if he'd start plotting down the days you do it so he can find a pattern, & the next night that you do it he just pretends to sleep; he's figured out what exactly you keep slipping the sleeping pills into, as well, so it's easy to avoid sleep by not taking the drugged drinks.. he wants to catch you in the act, just to be absolutely certain~

...this ended up a lot longer than i meant it to and i have no clue how

YEAH IT WOULD BE SO GOOD!! Poe feels terrible at first, like he's going to be sick, he even contemplates trapping you in one of his books. Whoever fucked you must have done such a good job, you look so happy... and you walk a little funny and wince when you sit down, he can't bare to look at you. He can't stop thinking about how you might have looked, sounded, how your perfect cunt would have stretched so wide and been filled so deep.... until you were dripping cum and your cervix was all bruised, and it wasn't even him who did it. He mopes around all hay, half hard because he keeps imagining you getting fucked but also miserable because because it wasn't him that fucked you. And every time it happens he does the same thing, wakes up groggy after sleeping a bit too much and finds you skipping around, smiling at him, walking funny as if you've just had your guts rearranged.

But no matter how much he investigates he can't figure out who the hell is fucking you! And yeah Ranpo is the better detective but not by that much, Poe should have figured this out by now! He's so sad and frustrated and still he's obsessed with getting his hands on you, jerking off every night while dreaming of you, sighing when he blows a fat load all over his hands and stomach, getting the sheets messy, wishing he was dumping all that cum deep inside you instead.

I don't know if he'd figure it out or not but eventually Ranpo would have to tell him, probably kick some sense into him too because Poe will be in denial. Ranpo already knows what you've been doing even if you haven't confided in him, and he can guess when you're planning to strike next. He tells Poe to not eat or drink anything after lunch, not even out of a sealed packet and especially not anything you make, and then pretend to sleep and wait. He knows his friend is in for a happy surprise.

[thelordofgifs]

please tell me more about maedhros in part 30 of tfs beloved 🌟🌟🌟

(director’s cut ask game)

Oooh excellent question ty!!! Part 30 of the fairest stars is probably one of my favourites and I have SO many ramblings I can do about it. Under the cut for spoilers.

There was a lot riding on part 30: I wanted it to be very sad, and also very suspenseful, and to function as a character study of Maedhros while also not revealing to the reader what he was actually planning to do. Which was tricky! I think I managed to pull it off, but it was definitely technically challenging to write (also emotionally challenging, it made me so sad ok).

Not long after I realised that the third arc would end with Maedhros going to Sauron, I also realised that it would be best not to reveal too much of his thought processes: so, although he's the most central character of the arc, he actually gets very little point of view in it. He narrates a couple of lines in parts 23 and 24, but the last proper extended pov he gets is in part 22 – which worked quite well, because as the arc progressed I wanted to hint at his gradual mental deterioration without alarming the reader too much. In part 30, on the other hand, you are meant to be extremely alarmed. Interestingly, Maedhros himself, who is very wedded to the idea of himself as Logical and Sensible and Always Right, does not really have any idea of how bad a state he is in during part 30.

There's stuff like this incident, for example:

“No – no – you’re wrong,” Maedhros says, a little wildly. “Finno is good, he wouldn't—”

Turgon watches him, not unsympathetically, as he struggles for words, and then fetches him some water and waits until he has regained his composure.

He did pretty much have a panic attack in front of Turgon there, but without acknowledging it to himself.

Or this one:

Still, cowardly, he finds himself dawdling; after leaving Fingon’s chambers he wanders through the corridors for some hours.

(It is hard to keep track of time these days; he might blink and realise that it has grown dark outside without his noticing, or else that he has no memory of coming into this part of the fortress.)

Maedhros. Baby. You are having a severe mental health crisis.

It’s not that he’s unaware of this! Which comes across mostly clearly in what is imo the single saddest line of part 30 and possibly of the entire fic:

If Maedhros said, No, it is all dark inside my head, and I cannot see a way out— If he said, I know what I must do, but Valar curse me, I am afraid, I am so afraid— Or even if he said, Káno, help me, help me, help me—

It’s just. he’s so close. If he had only asked for help – you only ever have to ask!! – all the tragedy could have been averted; and Maedhros knows that! He knows that Maglor would do anything to make him feel better, but he can’t bear to keep relying on his brother any more, and so does not do the sensible thing and reach for help.

(A lot of Maedhros’ thought processes in part 30 were written to feel like those of a suicidal person. That was deliberate for many reasons: of course Maedhros is the only named Elf who canonically does commit suicide, and for me one of his defining traits is a very… unelvish instinct for self-destruction – consider also the fact that he begs Fingon to kill him on Thangorodrim. Then there was the simple plot-and-suspense reason that I did want the reader to maybe get the inkling that the ill-advised decision he is planning to make is to commit suicide: in a way it is, because he isn’t expecting to ever leave Sauron’s captivity, I don’t think. So this is why he states explicitly that he “cannot see a way out”, and why too he is so concerned that Fingon does not blame himself when he finds out what Maedhros has done. When your mental state is this bad, it’s very easy to start thinking in black-and-white.)

Hmm what else. Of course the first two thirds or so of part 30 are really about Maedhros trying to set his affairs in order before he leaves (again… he really does feel like he’s dying, in a way), and in particular to tie up loose threads in the two relationships that most define him, his relationship with Fingon and his relationship with Maglor. So first of all he talks to Lúthien about the Silmaril in Doriath, which he frames to her as wanting to win for Maglor’s sake – which is not strictly true, of course. Maedhros wants the Silmaril because of his Oath. But convincing himself that he needs to fulfil the Oath because Maglor deserves to be free of it is… a rather convenient way of putting it to himself.

Then he talks to Turgon about Fingon, and asks him not to hold a grudge against Fingon on Maedhros’ account.

“On your account,” Turgon repeats. “You do rather think everything is about you, don’t you?”

Here’s another Hard Truth for Maedhros, after Lúthien’s insights about the nature of the Oath: he’s not the main character! He needs to stop thinking that he’s the main character! (I do think the failure of the Union in canon was mainly because Maedhros saw himself as the protagonist of the fight against Morgoth. He’s just so utterly unable to recognise the shape of his own narrative.)

Turgon is right in this conversation, but he’s also pretty harsh on Maedhros. In particular, he attacks the one conviction Maedhros usually takes as gospel, which is his belief that Fingon is a good person:

“Alqualondë,” says Turgon, with an air of dreadful finality. “You know as well as I do that he would not have leapt into the slaughter were it not for you! He followed you into it, and he will follow you to his doom just as blindly. Will you stop him, Maedhros? Or will you drag him down with you into whatever accursed acts of evil your damned Oath compels you to next?”

“No – no – you’re wrong,” Maedhros says, a little wildly. “Finno is good, he wouldn't—”

The thing is! Maedhros loves Fingon very deeply: and he is fundamentally unable to see the people he loves with any degree of objectivity (see also: Maglor). This came up all the way back in part 8, when he is worried that Fingon might launch an invasion of Doriath:

“Finno,” says Maedhros, “you don’t – you won't—”

Fingon kisses him. “It’ll be alright,” he says.

Maedhros trusts him, of course he does. But he is also frightened.

A lot of his general worldview is predicated on Fingon being a good person.

So Turgon's accusation sends Maedhros spiralling. Although he wasn't expecting to succeed in convincing Turgon to forgive Fingon, he also wasn't expecting to have to reevaluate something so fundamental.

He does not know whether he has succeeded in softening Turgon’s opinion of his brother; his thought was to mend the breach between them, smooth out the little anxious line that appears between Fingon’s brows when he sees Turgon from afar – but he should have known it would not work, he who ruins everything he touches.

But could he ruin Fingon? Does the taint in him truly run that deep?

It is not possible. Fingon is all goodness and light and purity, the shining hero, the Eagle-rider, who brought Maedhros back from his living hell and drove Glaurung away from Hithlum and – and slew the Teleri at Alqualondë, and – kissed Maedhros on the field of his victory as though he were truly nothing but the spoils of battle—

his internal monologue is... very fucked up here, to put it lightly. Maedhros has spent a long time talking about himself as "corrupted" and "tainted" – very dark and loaded vocabulary which he does fully buy into. (This is a relic of Angband. I've long thought that one of the most destructive things to do to a person, far worse in some measures than physical torture, is to make them believe that they are evil and irredeemable – and Maedhros, who had very recently become a murderer at the time he was taken captive, must have been such a prime target for psychological manipulation of that sort! Easy to hurt, indeed. And then the events of tfs – most notably the stabbing – have done nothing to disabuse him of that notion.)

While I was writing this part, I was working off a list of Reasons Why Maedhros Makes His Decision – I didn't write it down anywhere, but in order of priority they probably go something like this:

he wants Maglor to hate him

he thinks he deserves to suffer

he doesn't want to be Fingon's trophy and if he is nothing but a trophy and a lovely thing to be admired, then he might as well be Sauron's

he has a plan to get the Silmarils back (it is not spoiling much to say that this plan is very, very stupid. but it's there)

he needs to leave so that he doesn't snap and accidentally kill Maglor

NEW!! he needs to leave so that he doesn't make Fingon evil

he needs to leave because he is hurting Maglor by relying on him so much

he needs to leave because he is politically toxic for Fingon, as the fallout from the kiss has shown

once again!! he is so so so fucked up!! But, back to Turgon: he pretty much sends Maedhros into crisis by pointing out that Fingon is in fact a three-dimensional and morally rather flawed person, a fact which Maedhros prefers to ignore – but in the end, instead of taking the right lessons from his conversation with Turgon, he just concludes that he is the entire problem here and if only Fingon were free of his terrible corrupting influence he would be as good and heroic as Maedhros knows he actually is. You idiot that's not how any of this works!!

He calms down a bit once he has managed to wrangle this realisation into another reason why he should leave, though, and manages to keep a pretty cool and collected mask during his conversation with Fingon.

“Well, he was right about one thing,” Fingon says softly. His eyes are fixed on Maedhros’ face. “I do love you best. I would put you above any of them.”

Maedhros does not flinch.

“Very romantic,” he says, endeavouring to sound wry, “if perhaps not a sentiment you should express in public.”

look at him deflecting!! wouldn't it be nice if he actually said what he was thinking for once. oh well.

There's also this:

Maedhros squeezes his fingers, and meets his eyes as earnestly as he can. “You are not – you are not cruel, Finno,” he says. “You are not – like him. You are not.”

(Sidenote, but – and I've mentioned this in previous director's cuts – Maedhros is usually pretty articulate and well-spoken, the diplomat, the linguist's son; when he starts stumbling over his words, or speaking in sentence fragments, it's a pretty clear tell that he is in a terrible state mentally. In part 30 it's so bad that even his thoughts and internal monologue are full of em-dashes and incoherent half-clauses and clumsy repetition. I put thought into this ok!)

Anyway, this is actually Maedhros just talking to himself, trying to convince himself that Turgon was wrong, that Fingon isn't evil (which isn't what Turgon said but ok Maedhros), and that he is not like Sauron, one impulsive adrenaline-fuelled kiss beside. Unfortunately, Fingon is not really giving him the reassurance he needs, mostly because Maedhros won't tell him what's troubling him:

The last time they kissed, Fingon tasted of blood. The cold metal of his gauntlet left deep marks on Maedhros’ cheek. Now his mouth is sunshine-sweet, and he twines his bare hand in Maedhros’ hair, drawing him closer, inhaling him, possessing him, and Maedhros lets him—

Maedhros lets him.

You will lead him to his ruin, said Turgon.

They break apart at last. Fingon rests his forehead against Maedhros’ and looks at him like he has never seen anything lovelier.

This is part of the weird little tangle Maedhros has got himself into, which goes something like: kissing me knowing I didn't want him to was bad and something Sauron would do = Sauron said I am easy to hurt = being in a relationship with me is going to turn Fingon into Sauron because he can't help but hurt me and I am too weak and corrupted to stop him, which is messed up and victim-blaming and illogical and wrong on SO many levels, but yeah. Anyway, that phrase, "he has never seen anything lovelier", was pretty deliberately chosen, in light of Maedhros' statement in part 29 that he does not want to be merely "a doll, a trophy, a lovely thing to be admired"; and Lúthien, too, signals to him that she understands this hyperspecific fear of his, when she tells him, "It is very hard, I think, to be treated as nothing more than a lovely thing to be admired." So here, with Fingon's adoring gaze on him, Maedhros is worrying once again that loving him is bad for Fingon, and is making him into a worse person. In a very convoluted way, because, again, he isn't thinking clearly at all.

(Starting to realise I could write another entire post on the russingon dynamic in parts 28-30, and I have plenty more of these director's cut asks to get through, so I'll cut it short here lol.)

Anyway, the last and saddest of the conversations Maedhros has is, of course, with Maglor because I am soooo normal and ordinary about these two. Maedhros isn't actually intending to talk to Maglor before leaving:

Maedhros only means to look at him, but then Maglor glances up and notices him standing in the doorway. “Nelyo! I did not think you were sleeping here tonight,” he says. Then he looks at Maedhros more closely. “Another nightmare?”

This is mostly because Maedhros is worried that Maglor, who makes a habit of noticing his every minor tell, will start to suspect that he is planning something; but in the end he can't leave without giving himself a goodbye, even though neither Maglor nor the reader know that it's a goodbye. (The reader probably could tell? Unsure.)

Anyway, this last scene was mostly about fleshing out all the Maglor-related reasons from Maedhros' list above; namely, making it clear that he does know exactly how badly he is about to hurt Maglor, and is going through with his plan not despite that fact but because of it, because he needs Maglor to hate him. I've already written an entire essay about their dynamic in the third arc, so I'll keep it shorter here, but basically: Maedhros has become all too aware of how codependent and unhealthy his relationship with his brother has become, and has hit upon a very, very bad solution to this problem.

I mean.

When Maedhros found Maglor in the cave, his brother was moments from death, so weak he could not lift his head; and his white face lit by the Silmaril was filled with bereft despair, for Curufin had abandoned him.

In his secret heart Maedhros long thought it the cruellest of all Curufin’s deeds. How could anyone willingly hurt Maglor – how could anyone leave him?

Maedhros: my brother has abandonment issues. I think abandoning him will fix this,

Oooh yes also that reminds me! Maedhros spends a lot of time in part 30 thinking about Curufin: and this is really the crux of it, the fact that Curufin's decision to leave in part 20 and Maedhros' decision to leave in part 30 are parallels of each other. In fact the approximate train of thought of mine that led to this plot point, back in May when I first conceived it, was "everyone keeps being mean to Curvo for being so so stupid but you know what. I think Maedhros can be stupider actually."

Anyway, unlike the three other conversations he has in part 30, Maedhros doesn’t go into his conversation with Maglor with any particular goal he would like to achieve. He just… loves him. And, as he tried his best to play the devoted lover with Fingon, he slips now into the role of the responsible elder brother, telling Maglor to go to bed and scolding him for staying up too late. (Not to get on the suicide parallels again, but sudden calmness/more cheerful behaviour is a somewhat common indicator that a suicidal person has made a decision to end their life.) And, also, I think a part of Maedhros wants to leave Maglor with a good memory of him, even though that's contrary to his actual goal, which is to make Maglor hate him. (This is also why he tries to refrain from touching Maglor throughout the conversation, although he isn't ultimately able to.)

The very last bit of the scene:

Even so, the tune is recognisable: a lullaby Maglor wrote for Maedhros by the shores of Lake Mithrim, in the very early days when Maedhros was too terrified of it all turning out to be a dream to even close his eyes.

Maglor sang it again when he saved Maedhros’ life from Carcharoth, moments before the wolf leapt upon him, and again in Himring with Maedhros’ knife sticking out of his abdomen.

Hearing it now, he takes Maedhros’ hand, and listens attentively; but eventually his eyes drift closed, and Maedhros watches as his breathing eases into sleep.

idk something about the parallels here. the fact that Maglor sang this lullaby at the times when Maedhros hurt him (not that he was actively involved in the Carcharoth incident, but he blames himself for that anyway) and that Maedhros sings it to him now, just before hurting Maglor yet again... I just like the image.

I was rather pleased with the way the scene ends on a very gentle note; Maedhros literally gets up to leave seconds after this, but I knew I didn't want to show the actual moment he walks away, and leave his POV still on this very peaceful little tableau.

Then there's a little interlude in which Fingon and Maglor Find Out, and then we return to Maedhros' POV for the fun final scene of the arc. There isn't a lot to say about Maedhros' walk through Dorthonion; mostly what I was trying to do was to trick the reader into thinking he was walking to Menegroth lol. (Which doesn't actually make any sense, since he can't pass through the Girdle. But I wanted to lead you into considering the possibility anyway.)

One thing I do want to highlight:

Hard to feel very thankful about anything, when his feet are drawn inexorably forward, as though he is walking downhill, although the ground is flat here.

He was vaguely worried, in the dimmed and distant way he feels anything right now, that he would not be able to find his target. It is not exactly marked on any maps, after all.

But he should not have been concerned. Some ugly core of him knows the way he is going.

and also

Ancient instinct pushes him to his knees.

I was deliberately using very passive language here: Maedhros' feet are being drawn forward, he is pushed to his knees. (Also, "some ugly core of him"! He's so convinced that he is fundamentally evil and corrupted!) He has basically completely relinquished any idea of his own agency here: this is inevitable, and he was always going to end up here, at Sauron's feet, and there is no other way the story could ever have gone.

He's wrong, of course. He did have a choice, he had so many chances, and he didn't take any of them.