#but because nobody seems to have ever told her it is something that happens to people

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I told a very poor person to stop asking me for money?

(🧍‍♂️💸 for ez finding, names are fake for obv reasons)

I (21, any prns) met Pink (21, she/they) in a fandom-specific RP server about a year ago. Everyone was (and still is) very nice, including Pink, the server owner. Pink and her family are very poor, barely even making rent, and she often plugged her donation posts in the server announcements channel (this happened a lot. at one point there was even a donations channel just for her). I didn't really mind because desperate times call for desperate measures, ya gotta do what ya gotta do, y'know?

About nine months ago (mid september) I decided to pay something for her (it was either the remains of her rent or her meds, I forgot which). I did it because I felt like it, and it wasn't much. I figured if I could make someone's life a little easier, I might as well. Then about a month later (last week of October) she DM'd me, also about meds. She seemed apologetic and honestly kinda desperate. I figured if she was going this far it was probably by necessity, so I sent money again. She asked about paying me back, but I declined the offer since when I give people money I pretty much expect it to be Gone lol. She asked me again for money twice within that week for some Emergency Essentials. I obliged the first time but gently refused the second. I work retail, I'm not made of money...

She didn't contact me again about this until early December, due to an overdraft. I declined because of a vet appointment and also Xmas shopping. Plus, I was in kind of a tight spot myself at the time (from around Nov-March I had to be really careful with my spending). She asked again in mid-December for rent money, to which I obliged. It was the last time I gave her anything. She then had *another* rent emergency at the very end of December, which I refused because I Have Bills. I should mention that some of these emergencies were not posted publicly (i.e. in the server) - she was asking me, personally, for help. Nobody else, at least as far as I know. Maybe she DMs everyone who sends money her way. I have no way of knowing.

In mid-January she asked me again for rent money, to which I politely declined due to my own financial struggles, and stated that I probably wouldn't be in a better position to donate until April. She seemed to understand and wished me well.

...until recently. She's made a habit of asking me for money again. Not as frequently as before (about once every 2-3 months. she did this in late May and again around march), but it does happen. I thought about telling her off the first time, but I wanted to compose myself lest I say something really mean, but by the time I felt like responding, she deleted it. Maybe she realized it was embarrassing? I don't know. This also happened with the May message. I was super inactive in the server by then due to being busy with Life Stuff. I've wanted to chat in it again lately because everyone else (including Pink, at least in overall demeanor) but it's kind of awkward when I have the literal owner DMing me for cash every few months.

At this point, I'm at the end of my rope. I want her to stop. It makes me seriously uncomfortable how she only ever contacts me to ask for money. Not even my closest friends of almost a decade - who also have financial struggles of their own - would ask me personally for money, and Pink is barely more than a friendly acquaintance. But at the same time I know she's only doing any of that *because* her situation is so desperate. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and it feels rather two-faced to turn my back on her now.

WIBTA?

[thatscarletflycatcher]

*And another one*

I don't hate Rory, but I still think Mitchum was right, and I also don't think he was conspiring against Rory and Logan's relationship, and I also don't think he was extraordinarily mean and harsh (read extraordinarily as "beyond average experience of people in such a situation").

First thing: neither Mitchum nor Rory when speaking of her career are speaking of her becoming an average, serviceable, or even a competent desk research journalist. All references we get to the sort of job Rory aspired to is the kind of aggressive, go get it journalism: running through war zones, uncovering conspiracies, relentlessly pursuing the news and truth, demanding it, tearing it from people that don't want to give it.

And in that, Mitchum is right: Rory doesn't have what it takes. She's a kind, shy, sensitive people pleaser. She works well in structures where her duties and perks are delineated, where she receives encouragement, support and praise. She's not an entrepreneur the way Jess is, for example.

And her internship proved it. She did not push Mitchum to give her what she needed, she did not take every opportunity to showcase her talent, she just looked around and settled for the secretarial and managerial tasks no one else was doing. Which I think are important tasks that require skills that are not as easily found as you might think (punctuality, asiduity, patience, a well organized mind, manners and words that make other people cooperate with you and with each other, ability to recognize people's talents and put them to good use, comprehension of the big picture as a whole and in its details, all traits that Rory showed excellence in also later on in the DAR and as editor of the Yale Daily News).

Mitchum didn't tell her she didn't have what it takes to be successful in general or to work in journalism in general; he told her she didn't have what it takes to be a top dog aggressive reporter. And the series proves him right. Rory never becomes that, but she does become, an extraordinarily talented editor there where someone like Paris failed miserably.

As for the harshness, I'm not saying it is desirable, this is not "people need toughness to become good". But I was made to cry three times a year for three years as a student teacher. Every evaluation was a devastating list of all my failures in teaching a class. That wasn't the thing that made me a competent teacher, but I can attest to you none of those professors had any personal beef with me.

They weren't harsh or unfair for some secret motive. They had evaluated hundreds of students and I was just one more; the tearing to shreds of my classes was not personal. Mitchum is the owner of several newspapers and an empire. Rory is not the first person he has mentored, and given Logan's track record where he slept and fooled around with his sister's bridesmaids when his relationship with Rory had a couple months hiatus, Rory also isn't a specially distinct face in the universe of Logan's lady friends. We are so used to everyone seeing Rory in the show as super special, and also because she's a main character, but that doesn't mean everyone in her universe sees her that way.

I'm not saying that it's contradictory to canon the idea that Mitchum might have had second motives, but it's also not a given, and the opposite is as arguable and as plausible.

[inkskinned]

so while i was writing the book, i became violently suicidal.

this was mostly due to the fact that i had a very bad reaction to some meds and my brain stopped producing any serotonin. also i was in the last semester of grad school where it's actually illegal to feel anything but dread. so it wasn't going well.

somewhere in the fog of it i became aware i needed help. nobody was taking clients or my insurance. i didn't want to do inpatient care - it wasn't right for my needs. there's not really an "in between" stage between "inpatient" and "no care," but i was trying to do the right thing. i was trying to activate the chain of command that was my emergency plan. i knew i needed help now.

i used betterhelp.

i know, i know. i'm a straight-A student and so smart and so clever, how could i ever use something so blatantly bad. to be honest with you, i didn't feel particularly keen on it from the getgo - things that seem too good to be true usually are. also, if something online is free, the price is usually your privacy.

the thing is that there was kind of a global pandemic happening at the time and i worked 5 jobs alongside of being a fulltime student and also like writing a book on the side. it is a miracle that i even thought about getting help. i would love to tell you i had the mental wherewithal to like, process whether this was the right choice for me. mostly i was desperate. i was so suicidal that i was trying to find a reason to stay inside of fortune cookies. i was the kind of suicidal that looks like splatterpaint. i hadn't been that bad in an entire decade.

they took my data. i gave them it freely. somewhere out there, they have a dossier on me. on everything i survived. my story in little datapoints, scattergraphed beautifully.

the first woman told me that really i should be grateful, because (and this is a direct quote): "at least you're not anne frank." i said that i felt that statement was antisemitic, as anne frank's life and experience shouldn't be compared to like, a nonbinary lesbian in western massachusetts. the therapist said that i should try to use lucid dreaming to try to picture myself in an actually scary situation, like running from nazis.

i applied for another therapist. i was willing to accept the possibility that there was a bad apple in the bunch. the next therapist and i even laughed about how inappropriate that statement was. and then, in our next session: the new therapist said if i was struggling with body image issues, i should just work harder on my appearance. she spent 3 sessions in a row talking about how she was grieving, and made me memorize facts about her grandmother so "she can live on through my clients."

i am a three's-a-charm kind of person. okay, so what if the last person made me uncomfortable. i figured it was just a misunderstanding of priorities - she had felt she was sharing with me, i had felt like i had to take care of her. i applied for another therapist.

the last woman asked me to help her pray. she bowed her head. i stared at her, frozen, while she said: lord, i beg you: cure her. take the pain of being gay away from her.

i spent somewhere between 2.5 and 3 months on betterhelp. in that whole time, i was not getting the professional help i so desperately needed, even though i was fucking trying.

in the end, i survived this because i finally could get off the meds that were literally killing me. a request for a real therapist finally went through. i survived because my friends saved my life. because nick let me sob myself dry in his arms. because maddie took the razors out of my room when i asked them to. because grace slept over in my bed for like 3 weeks in a row since nobody trusted me not to hurt myself when i was alone. i survived because i got fucking lucky. because even when i was desperately suicidal, i was too old and too self-aware to take "you need to be prettier" as good advice.

the thing is that there's a 19 year old me who isn't like that. who would have heard "just think about how grateful you should be" and said - oh, i see. i would have assumed that is what it means to be in therapy: the same thing my abusers used to tell me. that i am just pretending and lazy. that i am ugly and unworthy.

betterhelp positioned itself to take advantage of an incredibly vulnerable community. it preys on desperation. it knows it is serving people who are not doing well mentally. it saw that there is a huge need for real, immediate, compassionate mental health care: and then it fucking takes your money and privacy.

i still get their ads on instagram. last night i watched as a woman in a pool pretends to talk to a different woman. they discuss her anxiety.

there's a 19 year old version of me, and she didn't survive this. she was too tired, and drowning. i almost fucking died. this thing almost fucking killed me.

in the ad, the woman playing the therapist takes a note on a clipboard and then nods once, sagely.

i have to admit it's a pretty scene. the steam and light coming off the pool water lands on the actresses. like this, it almost looks baptismal, holy.

[bet-on-me-13]

Wes ruins everything

Wes had finally done it, he had finally realized why nobody ever belived him about Fenton and Phantom! It made so much sense now, he had been looking for an answer for years, thinking he was going crazy because everybody refused to see the Obvious!

He was Cursed!

He literally had an Ancestoral Curse on his Bloodline that made it so that all those born with the gift of Prophecy would be ignored! A Gift of Prophecy that he apparently had.

It was Cassandra's Curse, the one from Greek Myths. Apparently she was his Great×1000 Grandmother and passed down the Gift (and Curse) of Prophecy to him. And he knew how to break it!

All he needed to do was gather the right resources, chant the correct incantations, make sure not to accidentally summon a Demon in the process, and he could just foist the Curse onto some other poor schmuck. Sure it would suck for them, and he would loose his Gift of Prophecy, but Wes had been ignored for Years at this point, he needed validation!

So he did the Ritual, and he didn't mess it up, and he managed to get rid of the Curse.

Now all he had to do was convince everybody that he was right for the first time in his life! This was going to be great!

...

Cass didn't know what was going on.

A while ago, she had started getting these...gut feelings that she couldn't explain.

She would look over the details of a Case her Family was working on, and see a patern that the others were seemingly ignoring. Like when she realized that The Penguin was about to raid the Docks on the East Side, but the others were convinced it was going to be on the West.

But when she had tried to tell them, they had brushed her off. "We've already concluded that he will begin the Raid on the West side, no need to go to the East."

She had gone anyways, and low and behold she had been right. But nobody even acknowledged that she had been right at all, they had just wondered how they had missed the signs, not even questioning how she had known.

It wasn't limited to Cases either. Even small things, like telling her brother's where the TV remote was were brushed off, and hours later they would still be looking, never even having checked where she told them.

It seemed that no matter what, nobody cared about her point of view anymore. They kept brushing her off, telling her she was wrong, actively ignoring her ideas.

And it was getting worse. They were starting to ignore her more and more, forgetting she was in the room, not calling her down for Dinner, even forgetting to check in on her during Patrol.

She knew that there must be something going on, Magical or otherwise, but when she tried bringing it up with her Dad or JLD, they would also Brush her off.

Her Family was forgetting her. And they didn't even realize it.

...

Danny was not okay at the moment.

When he had gone to school a few weeks ago and noticed everybody staring at him, he didn't give it much thought. Maybe Dash or Paulina had spread another Rumor about him again, not too out of the ordinary.

When his name had been called over the Intercom, he hadn't thought much of that either. His grades were falling even more than usual, so he assumed his Guidance Counselor wanted to have another talk with him.

When he walked into the Principals Office to see both of his Parents and some GIW Agents, that's when he realized something big must have happened.

He didn't have much of a chance to react when the Shields went up, but he did react when the first Ecto-Blast scorched the wall behind him. His Parents began to scream at him as they fired their Blasters, something about replacing somebody? He didn't know, he was pretty preoccupied at the moment.

It took more effort than he cared to admit to escape the Room, but a stray shot to the hidden Shield Projector under the Principals Desk proved to be his saving grace. Unfortunately the moment he escaped the Office, he was met with a veritable Army of GIW Agents, all armed to the Teeth with Weapons he had never even seen before.

He managed to get away for a moment, hiding in the Bathroom as the Agents chasing him passed it by. That's when he met Wes.

He obviously hadn't been expecting him, but the moment he saw him Wes put on a smug look. "Oh hi Fenton, trying to get away from the other students?"

Danny had replied with confusion, "What the hell are you talking about?!"

"I finally managed to convince everybody about you, now everyone knows that you're Phantom! I'll bet you're hiding from all of the other Students hounding you for questions right?"

"...it was you?"

"Yeah, so? I finally get to be right!"

"...You absolute MORON-"

That was the last Danny got to say to Wes before an Ecto-Blast launched him through a Wall, seeing his face morph into a look of Shock just before the dust cloud covered it up.

Since that day, Danny had been on the Run. Nowhere was safe anymore now that the GIW knew both his Human and Ghost's faces, but he had to keep running. He crossed state Lines already, and was on his way to the next Ecto-Rich City he could sense, somewhere in New Jersey.

He cursed his Fenton Luck every day. Why had everybody believed Wes this time?! Nobody had ever belived him before, nobody even seemed to acknowledge his existence after a while! What had changed?

Danny just wanted to rest already.

...

Cass had taken to Patrolling alone recently. She had taken to doing a lot of things alone, actually.

After the first month, it seemed that nobody could remember that she was in the room with them, even if she was within their eyeline, she just faded into the background. By the 2 Month Mark they had stopped talking to her entirely, although occasionally she would get a Text or two from her dad. By the 3 month Mark she was completely invisible, and By the 5th she had been forced to get used to it.

She didn't know what was going on, was it a Meta Ability? Magic? Alien Tech? She had no idea.

She had begun to cook for herself after the first time Alfred forgot to set her Plate at the Table. The same with Washing her own Clothes, Cleaning her Room, and Paying her Phone Bills. At the very least the Automated Allowance Payments to her Account had kept up, or she wouldn't have been able to go to her favorite Cafe anymore.

It was bittersweet for her. She used to go to that Cafe every week with Alfred, but he didn't even come on his own anymore. Had he only come for her? Did she really mean that much to them? It hurt, she finally had a family that cared for her and suddenly she didn't exist to them.

She sat alone at a Table, ignored by everyone in the Cafe as usual, when a new face walked in. He looked about her age, a little roughed up, walking with a sort of cautious gaint, as if he was scared of something. His Body Language seemed to agree with her assessment, as his body practically screamed "Worry" in its movements.

Cass stopped watching at that point. Just another Gotham Teen, probably worried over something like getting not having enough money or getting mugged on the way home. It was a Common sight in Gotham.

She attention was pricked again for a moment when she heard a voice speak up. "Uh, can I sit here?"

She ignored it, he wasn't talking to her.

"Um, excuse me? Miss? Could I sit here?" He repeated.

She ignored him again, he wasn't talking to her. Nobody talked to her.

"Hello? Do you have Earbuds in?" He said, and he waved his hand in front of her face.

Her face. He waved his hand. In front of Her Face.

He was talking to her.

She looked up at him sharply, seeming to startle him for a moment before he asked, "So, is that a no?"

"You can see me?" She asked.

He looked a bit bewildered, but replied "Uh, yeah? Why would I not? Are you...a Ghost?". That last part sounded a bit suspicious.

"No. Not a Ghost. But nobody sees me. Ever. Nobody remembers me." She replied. She had never spoken this much to anybody outside of her Family, but in the past few weeks she had been starved for interaction.

He seemed slightly interested, and sat down at her table. He looked her in the eyes, and said "Do you...talk about it?"

She smiled. He could see her.

[verstappen-cult]

# IN A WORLD OF BOYS, THEY’RE GENTLEMEN | MV1 & CL16

summary: people always like to jump into conclusions and you are the internet’s newest victim, the ‘slut playing with two boys’. little do they know, there’s more to the story.

pairings: max verstappen x fem!reader x charles leclerc. content warning: kaia gerber as fem!reader, cursing, toxic fans, tiny bit of angst because i like to make them suffer, f1 grid because they need their own warning. inspired in the song slut! by taylor swift.

# INSTAGRAM

Liked by user01, f1wagsnews and 152,840 others

paddockgossip Max Verstappen and a mysterious girl spotted in Monaco this afternoon. This is the second time we’ve seen them in a span of two weeks. We still don’t know who she is, but they seem pretty close. Is Max Verstappen finally taken?

View all 9,738 comments

user01 not paddockgossip calling max’s childhood friend a ‘mysterious girl’ loool

user02 she’s been getting so much attention ever since they started dating

user03 we don’t even know if they’re actually dating

user04 i’m sure i’ve seen her before 🤔

user05 that’s because you have! she was seen with charles leclerc like a month ago but no one talks about it bc they haven’t been seen together after that user06 she’s friends with max AND charles????

user07 is this really max wearing non redbull merch???

user08 the girlfriend effect is real user09 ffs we don’t know if they’re dating

user10 no one’s asking the important question here: who is she?? do we have an instagram, twitter, something????

user11 she’s @/yourusername user12 no way she’s THAT pretty

Liked by maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc and 63,734 others

yourusername tummy hurts don’t talk 2 me

View all 9,738 comments

user13 so this is max’s new girlfriend?

user14 shes one of us.

user15 SHE LIKES MAX VERSTAPPEN AND LANA DEL REY? SHE’S JUST LIKE ME FR

user16 and she has stomach issues too. it’s like looking at myself in a mirror

charles_leclerc but i was omw with some goddies, what do i do now?

yourusername tummy don’t hurt anymore 🥺

user17 i didn’t know charles and y/n were that close

user18 girl haven’t you seen the photos? user17 WHAT PHOTOS

maxverstappen1 i won’t say i told you so but i told you so.

yourusername you’re no fun at all

user18 oh to be y/n and have not one but two formula 1 drivers flirting with me in the comments

# TWITTER

# INSTAGRAM

Liked by maxverstappen1, redbullracing and 135,767 others

yourusername book nerds! 📚 we have some really exciting changes coming for our book club in the next couple of weeks — but in the meantime, i want to share that the incredible @/lauradern will be joining us to talk about “honey, baby, mine”, a collection of conversations between laura and her mom… grab a copy and join us next thursday!

View all 12,658 comments

ana_d_armas This is amazing! 👏👏 can’t wait to join you and know more about this amazing book.

user19 Reading now!

user20 is that-is that really max verstappen?

user21 max verstappen? like as in formula one champion max verstappen? THAT ONE?

user22 what is max doing with her?

user23 do u think he knows about what’s going on with her and charles? think about your gf cheating on your face with your so called ‘friend’ user24 he has to know otherwise that’s pretty sad. user22 think about your gf cheating on you with your friend and having to see that friend every weekend… that’s so fucking awkward!

user25 where is charles? you got tired of him already? 😂

redbullracing You said he was gonna join your book club but all I see is Max napping. Bad. Very bad behavior.

yourusername sorry admin i tried!

user26 i need an explanation, like i would settle for anything at this point i just wanna know what is happening with them

user27 stop freaking out! they’re probably just friends

user28 yeah right nobody believes that

Liked by user29, francisca.cgomes and 254,122 others

paddockgossip New photos of Max Verstappen and Y/N L/N out and about in Barcelona. There are multiple witnesses that saw the couple ‘very cozy, they couldn’t stop touching each other’ inside the restaurant — this comes after the pictures of Y/N with Charles Leclerc kissing on his yatch just a week ago. We don’t know what is happening, who is cheating on who, but we do not support this kind of behavior.

View all 19,767 comments

user29 this is disgusting

user30 what is this chick playing at?

user31 oh shut up you all. you wish you were her.

user32 WHAT IS GOING ON WHY IS NO ONE SAYING SOMETHING ??? user33 probably because this is bullshit

user34 you don’t know anything. is actually so fun seeing you all losing your minds over this.

user35 I NEED ANSWERS

user36 they look good together ngl

francisca.cgomes 😂

user37 kika what does this mean

user38 they’re sick

user39 she’s jumping from one driver to another it wouldn’t surprise me if the next one is lando.

user40 at this point i think she would pretty much crawl into anybody’s bed

user41 she’s just looking for fame

user42 that’s what i’m saying! just look at her followers now, she gained like 100k user43 oh i hate her so much

Liked by user44, wags_news and 534,665 others

paddockgossip Well, well… We really thought we wouldn’t get any more news about the chaotic mess between Y/N L/N and Max Verstappen & Charles Leclerc, so, we were a little surprised to see Charles’ latest instagram story (second slide) where he tagged Y/N! It’s a beautiful picture but then we have Y/N’s story: a conversation between her and Max Verstappen. So, what do you think is happening here?

View all 25,736 comments

user45 OH MY GOD LOVE OF MY LIFE?????

user46 are they-are they soft launching their relationship?

user47 nah it’s mpossible these boys don’t know y/n is playing with them

user48 oh bestie that is so not what’s happening here

user49 I KNEW IT BUT NO ONE BELIEVED ME

user50 what the actual fuck

user51 she’s such a slut

user52 she’s cheating and she doesn’t care. iconic

user53 i’m gonna throw up

user54 they need to get out of there asap

user55 SHES DATING BOTH OF THEM

user56 OH MY FUCKING GOD SHES DATING BOTH OF THEM. SHES DATING LESTAPPEN

Liked by maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc and others

yourusername you really thought you knew it all, uh?

View all 886,728 comments

maxverstappen1 loves of my life.

liked by author and charles_leclerc

user57 WHAT THE FFFFFFFFFF

charles_leclerc my pretty girl and pretty boy.

liked by author and maxverstappen1

user58 THEY ARE DATING??? THE THREE OF THEM??

carlossainz55 FUCKING FINALLY.

user59 LESTAPPEN IS REAL WTF

lilymhe i love you all so much. 🩷

pierregasly you can finally stop moaning to me about wanting to be public. i was just about to commit murder.

user60 i never thought i would see the day where charles and max would be kissing

user61 not only that but also dating user62 in a poly relationship*

francisca.cgomes my favorite throuple. 💜

user63 this is so NOT what i was expecting

landonorris can you adopt me?

oscarpiastri me too, please.

user64 the fifth pic??? i also wanna kiss both of them pls

redbullracing Can we celebrate now? 🥺

scuderiaferrari My house? 10PM?

alex_albon this is such a surprise to me. i’m shocked.

danielricciardo MY PARENTS. 🤩

user65 look at that last slide 😭 they really were destined to be together.

Comments on this post have been limited.

[hirukochan]

Can I please request a snape smut fic? The reader and him have been friends since school and she is in love with him only he does not know it or realize his feelings till Sirius is flirting with her and it leads to a fight between them leading to them confessing to their feelings. Maybe some dirty talk biting and rough smut

Sooo...I got a bit carried away with this...definetly not the roughest smut I've written, but I hope you like it anyway.

Severus and his sunshine

Pairing: Severus Snape x fem!reader

warnings: Smut, loss of virginity

Wordcount: 7402 (oops...)

Read on Ao3 or below the cut:

“To the youngest Professor in the history of Hogwarts!” You cheer and raise your glass clumsily into the air, spilling half your drink down your arm. “Oops-” You giggle. 

It’s not the first drink of the evening and not the first time you toast to Severus’ new job - and certainly not the last. It bears repeating after all because how fucking awesome is this? You have always known that Severus is the most intelligent and brilliant and ingenious person you’d ever meet! It’s unfair - no, a bloody shame! - how many people never realised it just because Severus’ is a bit awkward and rude and- alright he’s a downright cunt sometimes but he has every bloody right to be with the road his life has taken so far! With a father like that and that awful Potter and his stupid goons!

“We need to cut you off.” He drawls, the corner of his lips curling, and tries to snatch your glass from you. You jump off the chair you're standing on and cradle your drink protectively to your chest, firewhiskey dripping down your arm.

“Try and I’ll bite your finger off!”

“You’re drunk.”

“No, I’m not.” Severus shakes his head but doesn’t try to get your drink again, instead focusing on his own (the second of the evening - what a bore). The pub is crowded and loud, nobody pays any attention to the two of you sitting at a table in the corner.

You plop back down on your chair and take a sip of your drink. 

Severus’ eyes have gone distant again. That happens a lot lately. Like something is on his mind that he lacks the words to tell you. Social interactions aren’t his strong suit. You’re the ‘Severus-translator’ Lily used to joke when you three were still friends because you always knew what Severus wanted to say but couldn’t. You always made sure he was included in conversations, told others to shut up so he could speak or smooth over his rough edges whenever someone didn’t get Severus’ dry and dark sense of humour. 

One look at him from across the Great Hall during breakfast and you knew whether he was in a good or bad mood. You knew when he had a nightmare the night before and needed a gentler touch or when to bluntly tell him he’s being a cunt.

This you can’t seem to figure out. 

He smiles less these days. Even less than usual. The four years since you finished school have been hard, especially for him, especially with the war. 

Emotions are not Severus’ thing.

His long black hair falls into his face, hiding his grave expression from the world and you. His face has lost its boyish features. His jaw is more prominent, complementing his high cheekbones. His hooked nose suits him. It’s something about the proportions or symmetry of his face - you can’t quite put your finger on it. Most people seem to be put off by his appearance, but to you he has always held something uniquely beautiful.

He taps his finger against his glass repeatedly. His fingernails are still painted black…You made him let you paint them last time he was at your flat. It suits him.

You place your hand over his, stopping his fidgeting. You wish you’d know what’s going on in his head, clearly whatever it is puts him on edge, but you trust he’ll talk to you when he is ready. 

“You’ll be great.” You say. “I have no doubt. You’re a bloody genius, Severus! These kids are so lucky. They can learn so much from you!”

“I am certain they will share your attitude.” He says sardonically and you snort. Severus downs his drink and takes your empty glass to get another round (and probably a glass of water for you because he’s such a mum sometimes). You smirk as you watch him make his way through the crowd. 

He sticks out like a sore thumb in these new robes he got, but you think they too suit him. It’s probably the first time he isn’t wearing hand-me-downs. He’s wearing all black of course. The most colour you ever saw him wear was at Hogwarts in the form of his emerald green school tie. 

Severus looks intimidating. It makes him look older, stronger somehow. It’s such a stark difference to the beat up jeans, the The Cure bandshirt you gifted him one Christmas and the shabby leather jacket.

But not in a bad way.

He looks good. 

Maybe it’s the fact he has grown taller since graduation. He’s a head taller than he used to be and shed his bend over posture. Escaping both Hogwarts and his recently deceased father agrees with him. That and your continued effort of forcing him to eat three whole meals a day, every day.

His wide shoulders and dark hair disappear behind people and you rip your eyes from the spot you last saw him.

So much has changed in the last four years but that little flutter in your heart whenever you look at him has not changed. When it first started in your fourth year you didn’t even realise what it was about. You’d start stammering around him, earning you silent glares and raised eyebrows from Severus at which you’d blush. After an embarrassingly long time you finally accepted that you had developed a crush on your best friend. 

You’re too terrified of losing him as a friend to ever tell him though.

Severus isn’t good with feelings. They are too complicated. Too messy. He doesn’t need messy. His life is messy enough and so you swore to yourself to never tell him.

Your friendship was already a miracle. You are his polar opposite. You are outgoing and friendly, polite - too polite sometimes - bubbly and optimistic. Severus is - well Severus. He is grumpy and quiet and rude.

You decided to befriend him in your first year. You saw him during the sorting and something about him pulled you in. You really wanted to get to know him and when you heard him talk during your first potions class you made the decision to gain his friendship however long it would take.

You started by sitting at the table next to his in the library. You’d sit there everyday, quietly doing your homework and when he stopped shooting you irritated looks when he thought you weren’t looking, you moved to sitting at his table. You simply smiled at the befuddled Severus and did your work. 

You approached befriending Severus like one might approach gaining the trust of a wild animal. Over the year a truce-kind-of study group had formed between you.

Towards the end of term he asked for your help collecting some things from the forbidden forest - Lily would never break school rules, but you are certain Severus didn’t actually need help, he just didn’t know how to tell you he wanted to spend time with you.

During the summer you send him letters, even after not receiving any back from him and when you saw him by himself in the Hogwarts Express in September you sat down next to him and you’ve been friends since.

You know a romance is even less likely than your friendship was.

“Merlin! I almost didn’t fucking recognise you!” A familiar voice says and you throw up a little in your mouth.

“Black.” You say monotonous. As if he owns the place Black sits down opposite of you on Severus’ currently empty chair.

“You’re hot! How come we never snogged in school?”

“Because whenever I am forced to face the fact that you exist I want to smash my head against a wall.” You say with a honey-sweet tone of voice at which Black’s grin only grows. He doesn’t get the hint. 

“How come you’re drinking alone, gorgeous?” Black continues undeterred, a poised and arrogant grin on his lips.

“I’m not.” His grin wavers ever so slightly but Sirius Black has always believed himself so utterly irresistible that such small details don’t matter to him.

“I don’t see anyone.” He is wearing muggle clothes, trying just a tad too hard to look like a rockstar, but he talks and holds himself like a pureblood still. He might have run away from home but he is still living off of his family’s wealth and he hasn’t changed one bit since school.

Black is (as usual) utterly unaware that he isn’t welcome. Black’s eyes roam over your face and down to your chest like he is appraising you, determining how much effort you are worth putting into seducing you. 

“I think it’s fate we meet like this! You look-” He licks his lips and a shiver of disgust rushes over your arms. “So different. Bet you cut loose that tosser Snivellus. He was clearly dragging you under. A frown on such a pretty face should be considered a fucking crime.” You clench your fists under the table. You have your wand in your boot. It would be so easy to hex him-

“Someone as stunning as you- Oi! I was about to head to this club in Dublin that recently opened to meet Moony and Wormtail - You should join me!” He winks.

“As I said - I am here with someone.”

“But you could be with me!” He laughs as if he just made a joke but you know he is dead serious. He thinks you’d gladly ditched whomever you are here with for the chance of spending time with him. “Bring her too - the more the merrier.” There is a not so subtle suggestive tone to his words and he wiggles his eyebrows. “Come on gorgeous! Someone as sexy as you should not be so uptight! Let’s have some fun, let loose a little - it’ll be worthwhile to you, I swear.”

“What a compelling offer.” Sneers Severus and your heart drops. Great. “I wonder how many you made that promise to, Black, and how many you left disappointed.” Black’s grin falters for a split second.

That’s right.

Severus is different.

He stands taller. He’s fierce and strong and you aren’t at Hogwarts anymore where it’s four against one with the teachers turning a blind eye. You have no doubt Severus would pull out his nastiest curses on Black given the chance.

“Let’s leave, Sev.” 

“Come on, gorgeous!”

“That’s not her name, but one can hardly expect a simpleton like you to care for such fine details as names.”

“Sev.”

“No wonder she looked like somebody was fucking murdered in front of her eyes when I found her - how Lily could bear being close to you for so long I’ll never understand.” Black turns towards you. “Kick this dick to the curb - I’ll buy you a drink, gorgeous.”

“She does not need you for that-”

“I can buy my own drinks.” You hiss and when Severus still makes no move towards leaving, you grab your jacket and storm off. Let them duel like little children if they want, but you won’t get in the middle of that. 

The cold hair of the night hits you while you run down the street. Tears sting in your eyes and you feel so stupid and pathetic for crying. Nothing even happened. You don’t know what’s going on- that’s a lie. Severus sounded like he was about to suggest you’re with him and therefore don’t need Black to buy you drinks which…it’s not wrong. You were at the pub with Severus and you were going to make him pay (he’s a Professor now after all and from what Sev let on the pay isn’t bad) but it wasn’t a date. And Severus suggesting or intending to suggest that hurts. You want it to be a date goddamn! You’ve wanted it for over eight years!

Severus calls your name but you just wrap your arms tighter around yourself and continue down the empty street on the outskirts of London.

“Just wait!” He catches up to you. “What a fucking wanker.” He huffs.

“Mh.”

“What did he say to you? I should have hexed him! I knew it!”

“Drop it.”

“No, I will not drop it! He made you cry- come on tell me what he said and I’ll-”

“What?!” Abruptly you stop walking and spin around to face Severus. He looks at you perplexed, his cloak billowing behind him in the breeze. “You’ll go and start a duel? Why? I told you to drop it.”

“He’s a fucking cavemen! Just the way he looked at you-” Severus grimaces. A muscle in his jaw tenses and he flexes his wand hand.

“Why the fuck do you suddenly feel the need to defend my honour?! You just ignored me in there- nevermind. I’m tired. I want to go home.”

“Don’t let Black ruin our night-”

“You ruined our night! I asked you to leave, you ignored me. I ask you to drop it, you ignore me. I don’t want you to fight Black! We aren’t at school anymore - you’ll get arrested!” Something you have never before seen crosses through Severus’ eyes. Something dark. A cold shiver runs down your spine and you take an involuntary step back.

“I wouldn’t be arrested, Sunshine.” He says, voice low, rumbling like thunder, a muttered promise of destruction and ruin and heat pools in your belly. That he called you by his nickname for you which he uses very sparingly, if ever, doesn’t help the matter. Severus takes a step forward. The heat morphs into a twisting, curling mass that takes your breath away. Severus looms over you, shadows dancing over his pale skin, drawing his cheekbones into an even sharper contrast and you gulp.

“You think Luci is going to come and rescue you?”

“Lucius? I don’t need Lucius for that.”

“Do you even fucking hear yourself?!” Your voice echoes through the empty streets, thrown back off the house.

“He made you cry!”

“Why does it matter?!”

“Because-” He clenches his jaw, his fists shake with suppressed rage. His nostrils flare and for a split second a tingling sensation winds around your heart at the expression in his eyes - the softness in the middle of a raging storm. A lone, untouched, unbothered island in the midst of a roaring ocean. 

Severus exhales. Tension falls off his frame and the expression is gone.

“Fine.” He says quietly. “Let’s go then.” And he walks past you.

“No.” You can hear his steps stop behind you. Tears drip over your cheeks and you stubbornly wipe them away. “Say what you wanted to say.”

“I thought you’re tired.”

“Say it.”

“It’s- it doesn’t matter.”

“I’m not moving until you say it.” You cross your arms in front of your chest. Behind you Severus sighs and you can practically hear him pinch the bridge of his nose like he does whenever you annoy him.

“You sound like a spoiled child.”

“Good practice then. You’ll have to deal with a lot of those, Professor.”

“Are you- I have the feeling you’re angry with me.” You spin around and glare at Severus. He’s not good with emotions, sure - but now he’s just being dense.

“What made you think that?” You deadpan. He rolls his eyes and his disregard for your feelings drives you mad. 

“Black’s a bastard-”

“This is Warren all over again!”

“Yeah and I was fucking right about Warren wasn’t I?” A vein on his forehead pulses, but you don’t give a shit. Warren was your first boyfriend and Severus behaved absolutely rotten towards you.

“Warren was a huge mistake, yes - but he was my mistake to make! What- do you actually fucking think I would ever fucking touch Black? Just the thought gives me an STD!” The barest flicker of amusement flashes over Severus’ features. “I just- I don’t get why you overreact like this everytime I talk to a guy. And it’s not like I was engaging Black there! The fucknugget is just to stupid to get a hint!”

“I-”

“There it is again! You did it again! What is it that you can’t tell me? Come on Sev! You can tell me everything. When did you start having secrets from me?” It’s a hit to your ego as much as you don’t like admitting it. 

You have always been Severus’ safespace. 

He told you things he never even told Lily! Something you didn’t know until third year when Lily asked whether Severus’ parents are ‘fighting again’ when you knew Tobias dickward Snape beat Sev with his belt the day before the Hogwarts Express left for the new term. You fucking healed him in you compartment because his ribs were broken and she asked whether they were fighting. 

Why can’t he tell you this?

Another tear slips over your lower lid and slides down your check. Your bottom lip quivers. You suppress a sniffle and nod. 

You have never felt further away from him than you do at this precise moment. It feels like Severus is sand slipping through your fingers and the harder you try to hold onto him, to the way it was before, the faster he slips away. Maybe too much has changed. Maybe he’s too different. Maybe this unlikely friendship was doomed from the beginning.

You know you’re about to start bawling and that’s the last you want Severus to see.

“Alright…I see.” You whisper. “Life’s different now. We’re keeping secrets now…”

“Sunshine-”

“No- no, ‘tis fine-” You roughly wipe your eyes. “See you- see you sometime….congratulations again.” You turn around to find a quiet alleyway to disapparate to your flat and break down there like a pathetic little teen that got her pathetic little heart broken without ever even working up the courage to confess her pathetic feelings. 

Your steps sound horribly loud in the dark, cold night and with every step you take away from Severus you feel like you’re losing him more, every step is another crack, another break, another insurmountable obstacle between you. The cold wind cuts through your clothes with ease and you shiver. 

“I love you.”

You stop dead in your tracks. Your heart skips a beat or two or maybe it forgets how to work entirely. 

Severus’ voice is quiet, uncertain like it has not been since second year when he thought you didn’t want to be friends with him anymore after he lashed out at you.

“Sunshine- I knew Warren would only hurt you. That he’s not good enough for you. He bragged in the Slytherin common room that you showed him your boobs- He said all sorts of awful things and I- I just sat there. I should have said something, defended you, made him shut up but- Warren was two years above us and…” He takes a shuddering breath, dispelling old shame and insecurity from his voice. “Black’s just like that. He never cared for you before and now all of a sudden he is dying to go out with you? You don’t even realise it, Sunshine but- you- you are stunning. You have changed so much since school, you are- fuck I don’t know- words-” He sighs and rubs his hands over his face. 

You feel numb and like you’re on fire at the same time. Of course you knew Warren spread some shit about you around, it’s why you broke up and broke his nose in the process for good measure, earning three weeks detention with McGonagall, but you wished you would have known sooner... 

And- Severus loves you? No- that can’t be right- He’s in love with Lily- it’s always been Lily-

“You’re happier somehow- you- you’re radiant and beautiful and- you’ve grown up so much and- and- I love you. I’ve loved you for years- I want to protect you. I want to guard your happiness and yes I’d go back to knock out every single one of Black’s teeth for talking to you like that. You just have to say the word - sunshine - I’m pretty sure there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. And I know I’m not bloody good enough for you- I am rude and surly and miserable to be around - I don’t expect you to feel the same…I- fuck I don’t know-”

“You love me?”

“I love you.”

“I thought you love Lily.”

“Lily is- was- still is- I have no goddamn clue- she’s like a sister. I love her. And I think marrying Potter was a huge mistake and that she’ll divorce him in about three years - if she manages to stand him that long and when she does I hope- I hope we can mend our friendship…maybe- but- but I don’t love her like that. Not like I love you.”

Severus loves you.

Has loved you for years.

Severus loves you… You swirl around and before your anxiety can overpower your heart, screaming and aching and thrashing about in your chest you cup his face with your trembling hands and press your lips against his.

Severus stiffens. For a moment you just stand there, on your tiptoes to be able to reach him, holding onto him, feeling his heat against you, your lips exploding with electrifying tingling. Your stomach clenches and twists, flip flops and gives birth to a thousand erratic butterflies and all flutter around in a whirlwind of emotions that are too colourful, too many, too intense to ever find words worthy of describing the sensation.

Cautiously Severus puts his hands on your back and moves his lips against yours. You’re still crying, tears stream over your cheeks and run along the curves of your face to your lips. 

As if woken from an enchanted slumber, Severus drags you against his chest and kisses you fiercely. One arm wrapped around your back and clutching at your waist, and one hand cradling the back of your head, long slender fingers threading through your hair. You grab the front of his robes and cling to him. 

You both stumble a few steps and your back hits the brick wall of a house. Severus licks along the seam of your lips which you happily part for him. Your kiss grows sloppy and desperate. Your tongues meet gingerly at first but soon the slight air of discomfort and wariness at this development vanishes, flies away into the cool air of the night, gone and forgotten, as unimportant as your stupid fight.

Severus is kissing you. You are finally kissing Severus. He loves you. He has loved you for years.

Everything is good.

“Sev-” You whimper against his lips between two kisses. You try to break them, to wrench an inch of air between you but Severus is like a man dying of thirst that finally found a water source and is clenching his burning thirst. “Sev-” You push against his chest. Severus releases your lips, but doesn’t move away, doesn’t let go of you. 

He leans his forehead against yours and blinks back at you, his dark eyes seemingly trying to pervade yours, to find a direct path to your deepest thoughts, a link between you and him that is untouchable by anybody else, that runs deeper than any other connection between two people.

“Don’t you want to invite me back to your place?” You murmur and tug playfully at the button just above his throat. Severus’ eyes darken. A muscle in his jaw jumps. Your cunt clenches around nothing. Needy, desperate, wanting.

He clears his throat and steps back. How the fuck does he still look put together? How can he manage to reign in that storm in his eyes so expertly, so fast and clean while you’re a panting, sweaty, needy mess after just a few damn kisses?

“You won’t like what I’d do then.” He says, voice heavy with what he leaves unsaid. You push yourself off the wall and wrap your arms around his shoulders. You trail a few chaste kisses up the side of his jaw and flick the tip of your tongue over his earlobe. Severus inhales sharply and flexes his hands again.

“I don’t break easy, Sev.” You whisper and press a kiss to his ear. “You should know that.” He takes another shuddering breath and just when you think you’ll have to deal with the aftermath of his kiss on your own while picturing him nestled between your thighs (once again), he pulls you against his chest and holds you in a bone-breaking grip. You feel the familiar pull of side-along apparition and in the next moment you smell the even more familiar, dusty scent of Severus’ house. The smell of books is new, added after Severus renovated the house enough to evict his father’s influences and put his own touch to it - namely by adding a shittone of books.

Severus doesn’t give you time to catch your breath. He grabs your hand and pulls you up the stairs. You giggle and run to keep up with him. He practically kicks the door to his old room open (you know for a fact he has not even touched the door to his parents room since his father died) and crushes his lips against yours as soon as he pulls you over the threshold.

The burn marks from where Severus used to zap flies with his wand are still on the ceiling. The little pencil sketches you made near the baseboards are as well. He replaced his bed though. A brand new double which you are being steered towards now.

“Severus-” You moan against his lips and tear at the buttons of his new robes.

“Is this real?” He whispers back and leans his forehead against yours again, watching you struggle with his clothes. “I’ve pictured this so many times- thought about how I would feel to have you here- is this happening? Or am I sleeping?”

“It’s real.” You say, lips against his recently freed throat. “I’m here.”

“You’re here…”

“Severus-” You hesitate and pause your quest of revealing Severus’ body to your eyes. “I’ve never done this-” Suddenly you feel shaky and overwhelmed.

“Warren-?”

“Is full of shit. He lied- about all of it. Have you-” He nods, but there’s a distant expression in his eyes that tells you it’s not something he wants to talk about. Probably something he’s ashamed of. You know the kind of company Lucius, Mulciber, Rosier and the other’s like to keep and don’t pry further.

“I’ll trust you then.” You murmur and sit down on the bed, pulling Severus down with you.

“I’d never want to hurt you, Sunshine.” You kiss and between kisses scoot up the bed until your head is resting on the soft pillows and Severus’ lean body between your thighs. “I’ll take care of you.” He mutters against the corner of your mouth and kisses your cheek. “Such good care.” He trails down your jaw. “Like Black or Warren never fucking could.”

“I never wanted them.” You moan. Your body moves on its own, knowing precisely what you want and need even if your mind has yet to catch up. Your legs wrap around his hips, your back arches, pressing your breasts to his chest. You thread your fingers through his silky hair. “Only you.”

“Me?”

“Only you. Always you. Whenever I thought about it…when I pictured how it would feel while touching myself I only ever pictured you.”

“Oh sunshine-” He groans and rolls his hips against you.

“Sev-” Severus draws his wand and mutters a quick spell. Something curls in your stomach, it’s the weirdest sensation and for a second you are utterly confused, but then your gaze meets Severus’ and you understand. Contraception spell. You didn’t even think of that. Of course Severus did. You smile. 

He mutters another charm and your clothes vanish. You squeak, blush and hide your face behind your hands.

You can hear the clanking of wood hitting wood as Severus tosses his wand onto the nightstand.

“You- fuck…” Cautiously you peek between your fingers. A faint pink tinge has spread over Severus’ cheeks and nose, down to his now fully exposed neck. He looks cute. Adorable. You take a deep breath and drop your hands. This is Severus. Your Severus. There is nothing to be afraid of with him. “You put to shame all great beauties of the comprehensive history of this world.” His words brush over your skin like a tender caress and make you shiver and burn with embarrassed heat at the same time.

“Severus-”

“It’s true. The old greek masters wish they would have had a model like you sit for their marmour statues. Such beauty has to be preserved for the ages - but you…you are just mine.”

“Who are you and what have you done to my stammering, cute, insecure Severus?” You tease. Severus’ eyes are still pinned to your breasts. He visibly snaps out of his thoughts and looks up to you. There he is. Flashing through his impossibly dark eyes for the flicker of a second before they return to the heavy gaze, consumed by carnal desire that has been ignored for too long and has now broken free with demanding force.

“He knows he’s about to find out how you feel.”

“Come and find out then.” You shoot him a challenging grin. Severus kisses you in response. He kisses you and settles more of his weight on you. His very much hard cock presses against your exposed cunt. You gasp and clutch at Severus.

“Shit- Severus- that won’t fit!”

“It will.”

“You sure?” He chuckles, his eyes lighting up with amusement like they do so rarely and you relax.

“I’m sure.” You trust him. You love him. You want him. He’ll take care of you. 

You let him take control. Severus kisses you more. He seems determined to cover every inch of your body with all the confessions of his love he has missed out on. All the elapsed opportunities. All the kisses you could have shared if you both had had just a little more courage. But it doesn’t matter. You are here now. You are together in his bed, skin pressed against skin, breathing the same air, staring into each other’s eyes longingly while his hand slips between your thighs.

You’re soaked and whimper when his slender fingers gather your slickness, brushing your aching cunt with featherlight touches. He draws gentle, slow circles over your clit. Pressure and heat build in your belly and deep inside your cunt fast. You cling to his shoulders, digging your nails into his skin without even noticing.

“I wondered so many times how you’d look…” He murmurs. His lips brush over yours as he speaks. His breath dances across your cheeks.

“...in the throes of pleasure.” Severus’ voice is deeper than you’ve ever heard it. A smoky rumble that goes straight to your core.

He teases your entrance until you’re squirming and rolling your hips against his touch before finally plunging a finger inside you. “I wondered how you’d sound…how I would feel knowing it was me making you feel like that…” You give him the answer promptly. Moaning and whining, gasping for air.

“Sev!” You throw your head back and arch your back. The pressure keeps building and building, beyond anything you ever managed yourself. He adds a second finger and with it a delicious, stinging stretch. He curls his fingers and presses the heel of his palm to your clit. You squirm under Severus’ intense gaze that seems to look right through you, through your skin down to your very soul. He watches every flicker of pleasure and desperation he paints onto your face with utter, devoted, undisturbed attention to you and nothing else. Nothing else matters.

Severus knows you like no other. It feels right to share this with him as well.

He loves you.

You still can’t believe it. 

“Sev!”

“Cum for me, sunshine. Cum on my fingers. I want to know- I’m done wondering. I want to know.” You do. Crying out and panting his name, thrashing about beneath him as waves upon waves of intense pleasure run havoc over you, but it’s fine. You can let go with Severus.

“I need you Sev- please-” You gasp even before your orgasm has released you from its clutches. “Please please please- Sev-” He groans. 

“Fuck and I thought you sounded needy in my head.” Severus mutters and aligns himself with you. He takes his time, giving you time to adjust to his girth, slowly pushing deeper and deeper into your still spasming channel, forcing it to give way to him. He grunts and whispers praise, how tight you are, how good you feel for him, how well you’re taking him. You whimper and hold onto him, leaving red streaks across his back. Severus doesn’t even bat an eye at it.

He buries his head in the crook of your neck and savours your every sound, every twitch and throb of your cunt finally, finally gloved around him.

“Sunshine-”

“Severus…” More words aren’t needed. He rests there, deep inside you, his body pressed to your trembling smaller one, shielding you from the cold of his room and the world itself and you know there is a promise in there somewhere.

“I can’t believe it-” He murmurs and kisses your collarbone, down to your sternum. He kisses and licks, sucks, grazes your skin with his teeth. “You feel…incredible…you’re so good for me sunshine-” He kisses your breasts, flicks his tongue over your hardened nipples, licks broad strokes and teasingly closes his lips around them.

When Severus finally moves again he does so in slow, measured thrusts. He watches your expression with hidden wariness, watches your every reaction. He can’t hide from you though. He is waiting for you to regret this. To tell him to stop. He’s afraid of letting go, afraid of scaring you off, of losing you.

But he’ll never lose you.

You buck your hips and whine impatiently. “Come on Sev.” You whimper. “Fuck me like you really want to fuck me.”

“It’s your first time I will not-”

“It’s done, Sev. Bye bye virginity! That train of stupid little things society places far too much worth in has left the station indefinitely. Now fuck me.”

“Sun-”

“Severus Snape! Fuck. me. properly.” He groans. His eyes roll to the back of his head.

“Fine.” Severus grunts and a rush of excitement pulses through your stomach and drenches his throbbing cock in more fluids. “I warned you.”

The bed creaks dangerously under his thrusts. His hips slap against yours with a wet, fleshy sound that drives you crazy.

“Oh fuck yes- yes- just like that- that’s-” You babble more nonsense, moaning and shredding Severus’ back with your nails. He fucks you mercilessly into the mattress, spearing you open with his cock with each hard thrust. Your entire body trembles under his thorough attention. Your cunt yields to him in wet, fluttering excitement. It cherishes the promise of soreness his thrusts leave behind. 

Any attempt at grasping for and trying to hold onto one of the many thoughts rushing through your fuzzy, hazy mind is a fruitless endeavour.

“Fuck! Ahhh- so good…” Severus mutters against your collarbone and plunges his cock into your drenched cunt again before pulling out almost completely and driving back in with such force he knocks your head against the headboard. You both laugh.

“Sorry-”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” You weave your fingers through his hair and pull him down into a sloppy, passionate kiss. You gasp and moan into the kiss and drink up the way Severus continues to lose the iron grip on his emotions he had cultivated since graduation, revealing more and more of the love-starved, unapologetic, fierce man you know him as. The man that feels so freely, so intensely, so deeply that it hurts him so much.

Every thrust, every kiss, every exploring hand gliding over your sweaty skin, squeezing your breasts in testing, careful motions is a testament to how deep his feelings for you run and have been running for so long. 

It breaks free of him in violent bursts and buries you beneath roaring pleasure. 

Severus is not good with words.

But he will be damned if he doesn’t show you what he can’t figure out how to say.

“Severus-” You moan, joining the creaking bed and his grunts, the symphony of your love. This would not be a pretty, romantic, fairytale like love. You are both messy and broken in your own ways. It will be hard. It will take work and compassion and will seem impossible at moments, especially in the midst of a war, but Severus is worth it.

To you he is worth it.

He always was and will always be.

You whine in protest when Severus pulls out of you but before you have a chance to voice it otherwise or even glare at him, Severus flips you over.

“Put your hands on the headboard.” He rasps in your ear. You are shaking and struggle to keep yourself upright, but Severus’ arms around your waist stabilise you. You hold onto the headboard so tight your knuckles turn white. Severus is kissing your neck, nibbling and sucking, painting his marks onto you as if to say ‘I was here’ or maybe ‘back off’. Maybe both. Maybe more.

He fills you up again, reaching much deeper than before and you gasp at the unfamiliar, intense feeling.

“Your cunt clutches me so hard-” He grunts and bottoms out. “Sucks me in- all soaked and desperate.”

“Sev-”

“Hmm…yes. I’m here…” He sucks the delicate skin on your neck into his mouth and bites down gently, at which a loud, wanton moan breaks free of you and he bites down harder. 

You meet his thrust with your hips, his cockhead hits a spot inside you it previously missed and you fall apart. His grip around your waist turns bruising and Severus pulls you back. Your grip around the headboard goes slack. You melt into his touch, twitching and shivering, whimpering, mind fuzzy with always new, higher, stronger, more intense levels of pleasure.

Severus holds you to his chest, your thighs on either side of his, useless, hands helplessly holding onto his arms, and moves your body up and down his hard shaft. Using you and the fluttering of your cunt as your orgasm continues to coarse through you. He grunts and bites your shoulder, harder than before and a particularly strong spasm shakes your body. You drop your head onto his shoulder, melting further against him.

“Again-” You rasp and present your neck to him. A grin flashes over Severus’ lips. Sweaty strands of hair stick to his forehead, his eyes are glazed over with hazy lust.

“My pleasure.” He coos, but instead of indulging you, he kisses you. One small, chaste peck after another. You squirm against his grip, claw at his arms, painting more red streaks on his pale skin.

“You never told me you got a tattoo-” You murmur. The sight of the jet black snake and skull on Severus’ left inner arm pulls your mind out of its haze and into a brief moment of clarity. Severus hesitates ever so slightly in his thorough, teasing attention he’s paying to your neck. Something about the tattoo unsettles you, though you can’t exactly decide why.

“Must have forgotten. It’s new.”

“Hmm…very metal.”

“I don’t like it.”

“Why’d you get it then?”

“I thought I would.” Severus sucks on your neck and that plummets you back into mind-numbing, all-consuming, ecstatic pleasure.

“Maybe we should go to Dublin after.” Severus purrs in your ear. “Show Black all your pretty marks.”

“Idiot.” You giggle.

“I’m going to cum-”

“Cum inside me.”

“I don’t have to.”

“Please, Sev! Cum in me.” Severus pushes you forward and you fall face first into the mattress with a tiny outrages squeal. Severus laughs at you and grips your hips, adjusting them to sit flush with his own. He fucks you roughly into the pillows. You clutch at the sheets. Severus loses more and more of what little composure he still had. He mutters things you can’t make out.

His thrusts are accompanied with lewd, wet noises and the headboard hitting the wall.

“Severus!”

“I’ll fill you up ahh- with my cum- leave you dripping-”

“Yesyesyes-” He moves your hips with each thrust, pulling you back into him as he buries his cock inside you. His balls hit your sensitive cunt. His fingers dig into your skin, sure to be leaving bruises. 

Severus cums with your name on his lips, tumbling over them in a low, reverent, lust-drenched prayer which you join with your own faint, desperate whimpers.

Feeling the hot spurts of cum hit your inner walls violently kicks you over the edge for the third time. Severus slumps above you, pressing his forehead to your back between your shoulder blades, panting and spent.

You stay like that for a while. Both of you trying to catch your breath, relishing in the buzzing glow of your aftershock and the feeling of each other’s love on your skin and warming you from the inside.

Gently Severus pulls his softening cock from you and lies down next to you, pulling you into a tight embrace.

“Sorry.” He murmurs in your hair and presses a tender kiss to the top of your head. “I hurt you.”

“I liked it.” You murmur back and place your hands against his chest, nuzzling your face to his neck. “Why did it take us so bloody long to finally do this?” He chuckles. He tugs a strand of messy hair behind your ear. You look up to meet his gaze. It’s heavy with emotions, a swirling storm of love and care and fear. You reach out to him in a futile attempt of soothing it. The pads of your fingers meet his cheek and he shudders under your touch, before leaning into it. His eyes fall closed and for a brief moment he looks at peace. Content. Home.

“I-” He opens his mouth as if to say something but closes it again. His brows pull together into a frown, a deep crease forming between them. His lips go white as he presses them together into a thin line. His jaw tenses. “I’ve made a terrible mistake-” His voice is hoarse from unshed tears and the effort of suppressing them. He loses. One escapes from between his closed lids and slides down his cheek, meeting your fingers. You wipe it away, but more follow. 

“I’m trying to fix it- I am! But I-”

“It’s ok.” You whisper and press a tender kiss to his jaw. 

So he did it…You had your suspicions, of course you did, but a part of you refused to believe Severus capable of those horrible acts committed by the Death Eaters. And you were right. The pain, regret and self-loathing is so evident in his face. He can’t bear to look at you.

“We’ll fix it. Together. It’ll be fine.”

You are there when the Aurors storm his house to arrest him. You were sitting on the threadbare sofa in his arms as he read to you. 

You tell him not to resist, to not tell them anything.

You send an owl to Dumbledore.

You are at the trial, sitting on one of the benches. Severus looks miserable sitting in the middle of the courtroom, deep shadows under his eyes, a tremor in his wand hand. The chains of the chair are wrapped tightly around his arms. He avoids your eyes.

Dumbledore defends him passionately. Recounting Severus’ turning spy for him, reporting you-know-who’s steps to Dumbledore, how invaluable his intel had been. He recounts the dangers Severus was willing to face. He demands he is released. And he is. The Wizengamot clears him of all charges and you walk out of the Ministry with him, holding his still trembling hand in your own.

“Is this real?” He whispers and you bite the inside of your cheek to not start crying. You want to be strong for him.

“Yes.” You kiss his cheek and wrap your arms around his neck. “It’s real. You’re a free man. I’m here. I will always be here. We’ll figure this out.”

“Together?”

“Together. I love you, Severus.”

“I love you too, Sunshine.”

[danveration]

What if I told you I'm a mastermind? And now you're mine.

Parings: Dark!Creepy!Vox x GN!reader

Summary: Vox has a plan to finally make you his

Word count: 3145

Warnings: Stalking, obsession, manipulation, delusion, self-delusion, reader getting hypnotized by Vox against their will, mention of death, mentions of cannibalism (cannibal town), being watched while naked, reader being hurt by Vox physically

Part one

A/N: GUYS. I have a part 3 planned out but it’s REALLY fucking dark😭. Also, I was listening to the song “Mastermind” by Taylor Swift while writing this. (Hence the inspiration for the title)

Vox is getting impatient.

It’s been two weeks since he met you face to face. Two weeks since he gave you the laptop in which he’s been watching you through the webcam, and still all the cameras. Two weeks since you have been getting paranoid.

Ever since you’ve been using the laptop, you’ve noticed it’s been sparking with electricity whenever you use it. You kind of brushed it aside though because maybe this is normal for VoxTek technology.

But little did you know, it’s not normal. None of this is normal. Vox has been watching you and seeing what you browse on your laptop 24/7. He has had little no breaks. Valentino and Velvette have been giving Vox the side eye as of late, looking at him with pity/concern. He doesn’t care though, he just thinks they’re the crazy ones. This is completely okay and normal for him! How is it wrong? Nobody could prove him otherwise.

Vox must admit, seeing you face to face on the laptop camera other than angles from the cameras that are far away, is completely different. This is a millstone for him. He gets to admire you up close and take in every single detail of you. A couple days ago, you forgot to close your laptop that was on a table in your room, facing your bed. That was a fantastic day for Vox. He had a field day. He isn’t ashamed of what he did, he’s proud. He did it for you.

You’re currently sitting on your bed with your laptop, scrolling through Hell’s news feed. You’re bored, you want to do something but honestly there’s nothing much to do in Hell that doesn’t have a 90% death rate. You decide to close the laptop and go downstairs.

Vox is up. He’s been up. He had two cups of coffee beside him and he’s been awake for.. What is the hour now? He’s lost count. He just doesn’t want to miss something happening in your life! What if you wake up with a nightmare? What if bad people want to hurt you suddenly when you’re outside or asleep?? There’s so many things that could happen. He needs to be there and alert to protect you.

“Fuck sakes, Vox. You’re still on this? Clear your head, dummy!” Velvette says with a roll of her eyes.

“Shut up. My head is clear, Velvette. I’m as sane as I’d ever be!” He says.

“Uh huh.. sure. Whatever you say.” She says, walking away.

Vox shakes his head and chuckles. “People are crazy.”

He looks back up to his screen, watching you go downstairs.

You get downstairs and see that everyone is down here.

“Ah! Y/n! Goodmorning!” Charlie says with a smile.

“Morning, Charlie.” You say with a smile, waving.

“Good morning, dear!” Alastor says to you, while he’s sitting on a chair.

You look over to where he is. “Morning, Al!”

Vox’s eye twitches.

Angel and Husk are talking at the bar, and Niffty and Sir Pentious are talking. Well.. Niffty seems to be telling him something and he’s standing there in shock, looking terrified. Typical reaction for when Niffty is telling you something.

Vaggie is cleaning her spear in the lounge area, and Charlie is writing on a paper.

“Sooo, now that everyone’s here I have an announcement to make!” Charlie says, looking up from her paper. “Today.. We are doing group activities! Yay! Haha so, basically I had the great idea for all of us to go out on the town together and just spend time with one another. Doesn’t that sound fun?!” She says with excitement.

A day on the town. Honestly, that sounds nice. You’re bored out of your mind today so anything goes.

“Eehh.. I dunno. I had plans alrea-“ Angel starts but Charlie cuts him off.

“Oh come onnn! It’ll be fun, I promise!” Charlie says.

Everyone is silent so she takes that as a yes. “Alright! Great! Everyone meet here in an hour and off we go!”

You go upstairs to get dressed.

Vox listens intently to what Charlie says. A day on the town? He’s been racking his brain on how to talk to you in real life again. This may be just the thing! What if you two “accidentally” run into each other? Perfect. He notices that he’s not in the best physical state at the moment. He’s in sweat pants and a stained t-shirt. And he hasn’t showed in... A couple days. He has an hour to freshen up. He bolts out of the room to take a shower, brush his teeth, and put on his classic suit outfit.

You’re getting out of the shower and you pick out an outfit to wear. Fixing your appearance, you notice you left your laptop open again. Damn, you’ve got to get on closing that. It’ll lose its battery!

Vox steps out of the hot shower, looking at himself in the mirror. He winks at himself and goes to pick his suit outfit. After getting dressed and ready, he glances at the screen and sees you naked, about to get dressed.

“Fuck.” He says, eyeing you up and down. He feels he’s in a trance, which is ironic.

“All mine.” He whispers. Shaking his head quickly to gain composure, he sets off to go to the hotel. He will watch you guys from afar until you arrive somewhere where it’s likely where he’d be at too. Then, his mastermind plan will layout.

———————————————————————

You get downstairs and everyone is there, which is surprising. You’d expect at least Angel or Alastor to sneak off, not wanting to do this.

“Allriiggghht!! Let’s go.” Charlie says, walking to the entrance and opening the door for everyone.

“Where exactly are we going?” Angel says.

“Yeah, I’m not looking to walk no marathon.” Husk joins in.

“Wellll, I was thinking we’d just go to..” Charlie trails off. “Umm..”

“Charlie, do you even know where you’re taking us?” You say with a chuckle.

“Well…. Not yet. But! This isn’t about the destination. It’s about spending time together!” She says with a smile.

“I ssuppose you’re right.” Sir Pentious says.

Alastor’s ears twitch upwards and he says, “I have a marvelous idea! We could go to cannibal town! It’s truly a wonderful place. Remember, Charlie?” Alastor suggests.

“Hmm.. You know, that’s actually not a bad idea!” Charlie says.

Everyone gives them looks.

“Cannibal? As is.. Cannibal?” Sir Pentious says with shock.

“Ooohh..” Niffty laughs. “I’m SO excited!” She says, jumping up and down.

“Yeah! It’s not as bad as it sounds, I promise.” Charlie says with a smile.

“Whatever you think is best, babe.” Vaggie says, holding onto Charlie’s arm.

“Cannibal town it is!” Charlie says, leading the group.

———————————————————————

Vox is overhearing the conversation. “Cannibal town? Are you fucking kidding me?” He whispers, walking a safe distance away from you guys. Even simply seeing you exist is driving him crazy. You’re so perfect. “Cannibal town it is then. The things we do for love.” He chuckles to himself.

The way you walk is so memorizing to him. Look at you. He feels electricity spark around him, knocking over a electric pole next to him, making a loud noise.

“Shit.” He says, glancing in front of him, seeing you all stop for a moment, about to look back.

He quickly looks to his left and jumps out of the way. He waits a few seconds and then peaks out, seeing you all keep walking forward.

He sighs and goes back to following you.

What he didn’t notice was that Alastor was no longer with the group, instead, he teleported himself behind Vox. He notices, of course he does. He smiles to himself at the fact that he now has the upper hand, he has something to now hold over his head.

Teleporting back to the group, he glances over to Charlie.

“My dear, there it is!” He points.

“Ahh! Guys, we are here!” She says.

You all look around in shock. It’s actually.. Really nice there. Nicer than any place you’ve seen in Hell since you arrived. Everyone seems very polite.

Angel goes off to flirt with people, Husk looks around for the nearest bar, Charlie and Vaggie take pictures together, Sir Pentious is looking around paranoid, and Niffty is.. Where’s Niffty? Oh well, she’ll show up sooner than later. And Alastor is chatting with a lady. You think her name is Rosie? You saw her on an overload poster the other day.

You see a water fountain and go to sit by it.

Vox looks around. He’s pleasantly surprised. This isn’t the kind of place he’d choose to go, but it’s still not as bad as he thought it would be. He thought it would just be people violently eating and killing each other.

He sees you sitting on a bench beside a fountain, and walks up from behind.

You’re feeling kind of thirsty so you get up to go find the nearest store. Hopefully they sell things other than human remains.

Vox takes this as his chance, he walks swiftly beside you and then bumps into you on “accident.”

You jump and look to your side.

Vox..?

“Oh shit sorry!” He chuckles, looking up at you.

“Oh you’re.. Y/n, right?” He says with a charming smile.

“Yeah.” You chuckle awkwardly.

“You come here often?” He asks.

“To cannibal town? No, haha. Me and some friends are just visiting.” You explain.

“Ahhh.. I see, I see.” He stares at you in admiration.

You can’t help but feel weird around him. You’re not sure why. He seems like a nice guy, but.. There’s just something about him.

“Well..” You say. “I’ve got to get going.”

“Mind if I join you?” He says with a smile. “Wouldn’t want anyone eating you or anything like that.” He laughs and starts walking with you, not waiting for an answer.

“Soo.. How’ve you been? Have you been enjoying your new laptop?” He asks you.

You can’t seem to find a store that would sell water so you just stand there, turning your head to Vox to make conversation.

“I’ve been pretty good! Bored, but good. And yeah actually, I’ve been using it a lot.” You say, smiling.

“Oh that’s good, that’s good.” He says, nodding.

His heart is beating out of his chest right now.

You try your best to put aside your feelings of uneasiness towards him. It’s probably nothing. He’s just a new face and you gotta get used to that! He didn’t do anything wrong, it’s just your brain being annoying.

Little did you know, you have every single right to feel uneasy.

“Have you enjoyed all the features?” He asks, wanting to know more about what your thoughts are on the laptop. But more or less, just wanting to hear your voice and make as much conversation as he can with you.

“Yeah! Though.. I’ve noticed something weird. Is it.. normal for the laptops to spark electricity?” You ask in question, remembering how whenever you went on it, you saw sparks aka Vox watching you.

Vox smiles and says, “Absolutely! That’s completely normal. We thought it would be a cool idea, you know? It’s completely harmless!” He says in a convincing tone.

You feel relived at that. “Ohh alright, good!” You smile.

Vox wants to ask you out on a date. He wants to just take you. He want you. All of you. He just doesn’t know how to approach this. It’s overwhelming for him.

“Vox?” You say, “What’re you doing here?” You ask in question, wondering what sort of business a powerful, popular man like himself was doing here.

“Hm?” He starts. “Oh! Right. I’m just here walking the streets. Browsing.” He answers with an awkward chuckle.

“Ohh, nice.” You ask, looking behind him to see Niffty chasing someone with an arm.

“Oh my- Will you excuse me, Vox? I have to go do something.” You say, stepping away from him.

He sparks and steps in front of you, blocking you.

“W-wait! Hold on. I wanted to ask you something.” He says with a smile.

You look at him with a raised brow.

“Uhh..” He says, shifting his feet and looking away and back at you, seemingly nervous.

“Haha..” He awkwardly scratches his neck and thinks over how exactly he wants to say this.

Just as he was about to talk and ask you to go out with him, Charlie steps in the way.

“Y/n! We were going to head back to the hotel now and do some more fuunn group exercises!” She said smiling.

She looks over to who you’re talking to and tilts her head.

“Hello! Who might you be?” She says smiling at him.

Vox stares at her, annoyed.

“This is Vox. He owns VoxTek and he’s one of the VVV’s.” You cut in.

“Oohhh well it’s SO nice to meet you, Mr. Vox.” She says.

“Yeah, yeah. Nice to meet you too. Me and Y/n were just-“ He mumbles but gets interrupted by Niffty running between his legs and accidentally hitting him with the arm she was waving around.

His eyes go red and electricity goes around him, showing that he’s mad. He’s had enough. This was supposed to be a swift move. He comes in, wipes you off your feet, you fall in love with him, and you’re his. But in his mind, all these fucking bitches keep interrupting his time with you. He’s had it.

He snaps and grabs your arm, pulling you away from everyone. Charlie just looks in question, but walks away when she notices Vaggie calling her over.

You’re shocked and confused. What is going on? You barely know Vox. You feel a spark as he grabs you, and you hiss out in pain.

“Y/n.” He says, looking at you. His eyes are manic wide and he’s smiling at you possessively.

You try to back away but he holds you firmly by his wrist.

“Just listen. Everything is okay. I was trying to ask you if you wanted to go on a date with me.” He explains calmly, despite his not very calming state.

You now feel better that you had an uneasy feeling about him. It was deserved.

“Uhh.. Yeah, I don’t know about that. I’m sorry.” You say hesitantly.

He stops. Letting go of your arm.

“What did you just say?”

He looks at you in shock, anger, and determination.

You back up and say, “No. I don’t want to go on a date with you, Vox. I’m sorry.”

You walk away, meeting Charlie and the rest of the family. You guys walk back to the hotel, leaving Vox there to spiral.

Vox stands there, frozen. Did you just..? Say no..? To him? The love of your life? What has gotten in your head? He’s in disbelief. He shakes his head, laughing.

“No. This isn’t right. Don’t worry, Y/n. I’ll clear your head in no time.” He says with a smile, calming walking back to his headquarters.

———————————————————————

You’re back in you room, ready for bed. Yawning, you open your laptop to check your messages before you go to sleep.

Vox is smiling as he sends hypnotizing message through the screen. Trust him, love him, and feel sorry for how you treated him.

All of a sudden, you see sparks on the laptop again, but this time, you feel something.

Your head spins and your eyes go foggy for a second. All you can think about is how much you messed up by declining Vox’s offer today. How dumb can you be? Why would you do that?

You snap out of the trance and frown. A wave of regret and shame fills you. Vox of VoxTek, one of the most important people in Hell, the guy who gave you a free laptop, the charming man who asked you out on a date, when he could’ve asked anyone else but he asked you.. and you said no?!

You panic and begin to have anxiety. You have to apologize to him. In person.

Getting up, not even changing out of your pyjamas, you leave your room and go to walk over to the VVV tower to say sorry to Vox and see if it’s not too late to accept his offer.

All-while, Vox is sitting back smirking while watching you on his screens. See?! Now you have some sense talked into you. You just needed a little push. His lovely is on his way to see him, as it should’ve been. You just needed some reminding of how you really felt. Vox is excited to see you again. And this time, it won’t get interrupted.

You get to the VVV tower, entering the place. It’s pretty cool there. You look around and go to the reception desk.

There’s a young man there, you have the idea to ask him if you can speak to Vox.

“Hey um.. Am I able to see Vox? I have something to say to him.” You ask.

The man laughs at you and just stares.

“Oh, you’re serious?” He asks. “No can do! We can’t just let random people walk in and talk to him.” He says in a “are-you-dumb” way.

Suddenly, Vox enters from the elevator.

“Y/n! Hello, you.” He says with a charming smile, walking over to you.

“V-Vox! I just um.. I wanted to say something to you. If that’s okay..” You start.

He shushes you and tells you to wait while he brings you up to his room for more privacy.

As you two get to his room, you look around. It suits him. There’s a lot of screens and all the colours that match his usual outfits.

“So, what is it you wanted to tell me?” He says smugly, knowing already.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry for how I acted when you asked me out. I shouldn’t have said no.. I just.. I don’t know what came over me.” You say apologetically.

“Oh my dear, dear, Y/n. Thank you for your apology.” He says. “Do you have a different answer now?”

You feel a twist in your gut. Half of you is still saying no, but half of you is saying yes. You don’t know which one to lean into. It feels like your brain is confused and that you can’t even trust yourself.

Vox notices you thinking hard, so he helps you. Using his hypnotizing “power,” he puts sense into your brain.

Your head goes dizzy for a second and all comes clear to you. You don’t have to trust yourself. You can just trust him. The answer was staring you in your face all along.

“Y-yes! I do have a different answer. I’d say yes. I want to go out with you.” You say quickly.

Vox smiles.

“Oh course you do.” He whispers.

[asapeveryday]

The Last Time Pt2

Paring: Paige Bueckers x Reader

Warnings: Mentions of sex/hooking up, casual culture, unnecessary miscommunication 😇

Summary: Months later,you attempt to distance yourself from Paige in hopes of calming down the intense feelings you harbour. Paige is uneasy from the intimacy of your relationship.

A/n: sorry guys this one is all plot…and the next one too I think. But dw it’ll be worth it in the end. Feel free to point out any mistakes !

Minors DNI under the cut!!

It was a mutual understanding you two had. Paige didn’t mean for you two to keep meeting for this long, but the unintentional intimacy the two of you shared with every linkup was enough to keep her craving.

Paige Bueckers can’t be tied down, especially with an NCAA championship on the line. Ball first and girls second. For you, you prioritized school above all else. The one day you went out to have fun, Paige set her eyes on you and it’s been history since then. First casual hookups in party bedrooms, then in her car on the way back from practice. Aggressive after a bad game or slow and sensual after a good one. You even visited her dorm when nobody else was home, and she had slept over at yours. it’s all fun.

Until Paige noticed you stopped texting first.

Paige Bueckers, who receives constant comments from thousands of people on the daily begging her to look their way, was constantly asking you to fuck??

“Nah…I’m not chasing.” She says, trying to convince herself more than her teammates.

Azzi scoffs. “This is actually embarrassing.”

“Lemme see!” KK attempts to grab Paige’s phone from Azzi, who swats her hand away. Paige rubs her forehead, exasperated.

“Holy shit!” KK practically screams. “No way this girls puss is so good she got you texting like that.”

Paige says nothing, but grabs her phone back and scrolls through her texts with you. Was it really that bad?

Her eyes graze over texts from the past 5 months. Every time it’s Paige asking to meet up.

“Yo, wyd?”

“Practice sucked. U busy?”

“Did u see our game? I feel like celebrating.”

“I’m picking u up in 5”

“Come over tmr?”

And you respond every time with some variation of yes or maybe.

That seems pretty bad.

Paige thinks back to the last time you guys met up. Despite your lack of initiative and your dry responses, you always showed up for her wet and ready, usually showered and shaved if it wasn’t short notice. You genuinely seemed interested in her life and she had become slightly infatuated with yours, especially since she only ever talked to you face to face. Plus, Paige knew for a fact you enjoyed every night you spent with her, she made sure of it.

It was a vicious cycle that she was stuck in. She’d meet up with you to fuck, then you’d entrance her with a fun outing, or a deep question. She’d have the night of her life, then throughout the week Paige would convince herself it was all casual. That she could stop whenever she wanted.

Paige told her teammates you guys were hooking up. She did not mention the late night talks and restaurant runs. Mostly because she never did that with the other girls, so KK and Azzi would probably get the wrong impression. Plus, she’s supposed to be focusing on basketball, not you.

“She prob has a roster or something.” KK shrugs. “Doesn’t seem like you’re the first priority to her if she ain’t texting first. You got yourself a playaaaaa!”

“Hold on though.” Azzi interrupts. “She responds to every booty call?” Paige nods. “Okay, so that’s not much of a player move on her part.”

“Maybe it’s not that deep.” KK says. “She wants a fun night with you, but not enough to text you. That’s it.”

“That, or she thinks you suck but doesn’t know how to say no.”Azzi says, smirking.

“It’s all casual anyways. No biggie.” Paige grumbles.

The truth is she’s not content with the fact that she’s not satisfying you enough to make you text her, especially since her roster is basically bare with the exception of you. When did that even happen? She shakes off the realization that she hasn’t had sex with anyone but you since you two met.

She wondered if you’d even had a night where you laid in bed and thought, ‘damn I wish Paige were here to fuck me silly.’ Because she would’ve been lying if she were to say she never thought of you. The proof was on her phone. She wasn’t gonna stand for this.

-

The actual truth was that you had those nights too often. The first time you hooked up with Paige was magic to you, she was a stranger who you wanted to know back to front. Something about the way she smiled like she knew everything she needed to about you.

And that freaked you out. Like, a lot.

You wanted to be casual, you really did. You hoped being casual meant you could be pleasured while detached and focused on your own goals, but it was easier said than done. The next dozen times you met up with her you hoped your fantasies would be flattened, but with every night in bed, or party escaped, or car seat reclined you only wanted her more. You couldn’t help but ask questions about her life. A life that was so different from yours. She didn’t seem to mind either. She wanted to hear you talk about where you hope to be after all your work pays off. She wanted to hear your dreams. You wondered if she did this with every casual hookup?

You decided to stop texting her, in hopes that she’d forget about you and move on to someone else, but every week without fail she’d texted you herself and then the cycle continued. You’d waited out your late night urges, and she would continuously seek you out. When you told your friends about it they weren’t much help.

“I wouldn’t text her.” One said. “You’re just gonna get more attached. This is Paige Bueckers we’re talking about. From what I heard, she just wants a good fuck. If that’s not enough for you I think you should find some nice girl who maybe isn’t a D1 athlete or something.”

“Maybe you should tell her you don’t want to see her anymore. She’s focused on her future. What happened to you being focused on yours?” Another said.

Your best friend was the only one who was remotely helpful. “I wouldn’t listen to them, they’re so obsessed with academics they forget how it feels to like someone like you do.” She smiles. “But if you’re not planning on telling Paige about how you feel, then I don’t think it’s good for you to keep meeting with her every time she asks you to.”

You thought about it. At first, Paige had made it clear she wasn’t into a relationship, and you feverishly agreed in hopes of focusing on yourself. Despite that, you sometimes felt her stare was a little too longing. The way she would happily be vulnerable with you didn’t seem very casual.

It didn’t matter about that though, because you also knew Paige wanted to be sought after. It was a miracle that she was still texting you, even though you hadn’t texted first in months. Soon enough her ego would get a bit too bruised, and she would end it herself. Maybe that was what you needed.

Then one day she did what you predicted. Laying in your dorm spread eagle, totally fucked out. You had just finished and it was late, but unlike Paige’s usual routine of staying in bed with you for a while, body squeezed comfortably into yours, fingers brushing through your hair, she immediately started to put her clothes back on. You turn to look at her with a questioning look on your face, and her face turned into an uncomfortable expression.

“Yeah, um. I don’t think I’m gonna see you for a while.” She says sheepishly.

You sit up. “Oh.” Unsure of what to say, not wanting this to end but also not wanting to cling onto her.

“I mean you’re like, great. I just think, well.” She seems like she doesn’t exactly know what to say.

“I gotta focus on Basketball now, so this’ll be the last time.” Paige shifts on her feet.

You want to roll your eyes at the basketball excuse, but you know this is partially your fault. Paige is a confident person, and you challenged her by never showing too much interest. You just decide to give a tired smile and wish her luck in the upcoming tournaments.

“Thanks.” Her posture visibly shrinks, but she says nothing else and leaves.

As you hear your door close you feel a sinking feeling in your stomach. With the exception of your constant attempts to detach from her, confrontation free, you knew you couldn’t be happy.

You learned about her life as an athlete, the struggles of being a female basketball player, the ups and downs of media attention, all the fun she has on away tournaments with her teammates who are practically family.

At the same time she had intently listened to your ambitions, how hard you worked to get where you are and the next steps you have planned out to be as successful as possible in your field. That’s something you two had in common, ambition. You both mutually understood that being driven and working hard was an unbeatable formula to getting what you want, you both had cracked that code. The late night fast food runs were pretty good too.

Groaning into your pillow, you realized you made a mistake by trying to be detached. It shouldn’t have mattered what anyone said. You like Paige, a lot. Even if she doesn’t want commitment, you know for a fact she likes you too. Your life doesn’t have to be on pause just so you can focus on your career.

Letting out a big breath you didn’t know you were holding, you decided to do the one thing you tried so hard to avoid.

Chase after her.

[onceuponastory]

one single word - bucky barnes x reader

Plot: In a world where the first thing your soulmate says to you is somewhere on your body, Y/N soon realises that hers is not what she expected... or what she wants. (Soulmate!AU). Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader Warnings: Just some swearing and reader worrying she's going to end up alone. As always, if I miss any triggers, please let me know. Notes: This is my piece for @lunarbuck's Soulmate AU writing challenge! Congrats on 2k! Also can't believe it took me so long to use a pic of Seb from this day because he looked SO GOOD. Not beta’d, so any mistakes are my own.

“Has your word shown up yet? Just got mine!” Wanda’s text comes in. Groaning, Y/N types back a reply.

“Yup.” Immediately, Wanda sends another.

“It’s that bad? I’ll be straight over.” She promises, and Y/N goes back to staring at herself in the mirror, unable to tear her gaze away from the word which is now on her side. From a young age, Y/N and everyone else in this world were told that when they got older, the first words their soulmate said to them would soon appear on their body somewhere, disappearing only when they met the soulmate in question. And of course, it led to a lot of excitement and nervous apprehension as people wondered what words would be there, and imagined what scenario they’d meet their soulmate in. 

None more so than Y/N. As she grew up, she became an author, which meant that writing loving words about others became her job, and something she now has a huge amount of experience in. All day every day, she writes paragraph after paragraph of people describing how beautiful their partners are, how much their heart beats whenever they’re around, and how they want to spend the rest of eternity with them. And the entire time, Y/N’s own soulmate is in the back of her mind, as well as her hope that their first meeting is as romantic as her stories. So obviously, Y/N had grown to expect that the words - her words - that her soulmate would end up having on their skin would be something beautiful, like poetry.

Unfortunately for Y/N, though, it seems her soulmate didn’t have the same consideration for her.

Because there, on her side, emblazoned in huge letters is one single word. “Fuck.” “It’s not that bad.” Wanda soothes as she studies the word. Thankfully, she showed up soon after receiving Y/N’s text for moral support. 

“Yes, it is! Today I wrote someone saying their lover’s eyes are as bright as the stars, and with them they feel whole. And do I get that? No, I get ‘Fuck!’”

“Maybe he’s saying ‘Fuck.’ but then he says ‘you’re the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen’?”

“Or it could be ‘fuck’ because they stepped on my toes. Or maybe they dropped coffee on me? Or-” Y/N shakes her head, trying to shake herself out of her panic. Yet, it only intensifies. “And besides, it’s such a general word! What if I get confused and think someone else is my soulmate?”

“That isn’t going to happen. Personally, I think we have a strong, intense emotional bond with them, so we’ll just know it’s them when we see them.”

“You’re such a romantic, Wanda.”

“Says you.” She rolls her eyes. When Y/N freaks out a little again, Wanda shushes her with a gentle: “Calm down. You’re going to give me a headache at this rate. And besides, it could be worse! Mine is ‘Hello there’. What even is that?!” she groans, taking another sip from her drink.

“Oh please, yours is suave and sophisticated.” Y/N argues. “Maybe it’s a ‘Hello there.’” She mimes a smirk, looking Wanda up and down. “And then he says, ‘may I just say that you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen?’”

“Either that or they’re doing a horrendously bad Obi-Wan Kenobi impression.” Wanda counters, making her and Y/N dissolve into fits of giggles. “But seriously. You don’t know what causes him to say that. Nobody does. That’s the beauty of soulmates.” She grins reassuringly. “And besides, I’m sure it’ll be a funny story to tell your kids one day.” 

And for a while, her reassuring words worked, and Y/N's feelings about the word permanently inked onto her side improved slightly. But the longer time went on without meeting her soulmate, Y/N started to think they don’t exist at all. And what’s worse, she’d be stuck with this single word on her side for the rest of her life, an enduring reminder of her failure to find her true love.

A few months later,

Y/N walks down the street, preoccupied by her phone call. Her publisher has been ringing her almost every day this week, desperate to know when they can expect her next manuscript. The same manuscript that’s been sitting incomplete on her laptop for the last several months. Understandably, love hasn’t been high on the list of Y/N’s priorities ever since she realised what her soulmate’s first word to her was. 

When she catches sight of herself in a shop window, noticing the hem of her sweater has ridden up, exposing the k and most of the c of the word on her side, it makes her feel worse. Of course, she still hasn’t found her soulmate. Nothing like yet another reminder of how you’re failing in life. Quickly rolling down her sweater, covering the word that seems to be burned into her skin by this point, Y/N keeps walking. In a last-ditch attempt to find some productivity and get this fucking manuscript finished, she’s decided to visit her favourite coffee shop. That and she just really wants an iced coffee. 

“When…if I ever find my soulmate, I’m going to give them a piece of my mind.” She huffs, reaching out to grab the door handle to the coffee shop. Before she can open it, the door slams open, almost hitting her in the face. Luckily, Y/N manages to dodge the figure that almost crashes into her. This is the last fucking thing she needs right now. She rounds on the man, ready to give him a piece of her mind, to ask him, no, demand that he looks where he’s going next time, and be careful!

That’s what she wanted to say. What she should’ve said.

The beautiful pair of blue eyes she suddenly finds herself staring into stops her. As blue as the sky on a gorgeous summer's day, as blue as the ocean, inviting her into their depths. This man is gorgeous. His muscles bulge out through the blue shirt (the same colour as his eyes) he has opened over a vest top. His brunette hair is pulled into a man bun, a few loose tendrils sticking out. The man’s eyes widen as he takes her all in, realising how close he came to spilling his coffee all over her. 

And then he speaks.

“Fuck.” He murmurs, his voice just loud enough for her and only her to hear. Immediately, Y/N registers her heartbeat stop.

“What did you just say?” She gasps. Instead of repeating his words, the man’s eyes widen even more, almost bulging out of his head. He rolls down the sleeve of his shirt, displaying the slowly fading words printed on his shoulder. 

“What did you just say?”

“Does yours say ‘fuck’, by any chance?” The man chuckles, still clearly in shock, and wordlessly, Y/N nods, lifting her sweater to show him.

“Oh, my god.” They both speak at the same time. The man holds a hand out, which Y/N shakes. “I’m Bucky. It’s wonderful to finally meet you.” Nervously he rubs the back of his neck, and Y/N notices a burst of pink spreading across his cheeks. “Can I just say you look absolutely gorgeous?” He stammers a little. “Sorry, I’m not entirely sure what I’m supposed to say right now. It’s not everyday you meet your soulmate.”

“We have a strong, intense emotional bond with them, so we’ll just know it’s them when we see them.” Wanda’s words echo in her mind, and Y/N’s shock turns into a smile, all thoughts of giving her soulmate a piece of her mind gone as quickly as the word on her side. At first she brushed Wanda’s words aside, but she’s actually totally right. Being with Bucky, it finally feels right. Like the missing pieces she’s spent so long looking for are finally in place.

“I know.” Y/N nods. “But it’s completely understandable. To be honest, I’m still in shock too. I’m Y/N by the way.” 

"Y/N." Bucky smiles.“I am sorry for almost spilling my coffee over you.” He chuckles, and Y/N giggles. 

“Already forgotten about.”

“I, um, I need to head off, but how about we grab some dinner tonight?” Bucky grins. “We have a lifetime to catch up on.” 

“Sounds wonderful.” Y/N smiles.

It may not have been the most perfect meeting… at least, not compared to her romance novels, but Y/N doesn’t care. Because it turned out to be perfect for her.

Please follow @onceuponastory-library and turn on notifications to be notified when I next post!

[just-my-type-x]

Heyy just wondering if you do requests, if so I was wondering if you could do a Colby brock one where they are in the shadow man mannor in wales and the reader is colbys 2 months pregnant gf, but like they haven’t told anyone she was pregnant yet, and she’s a medium and stuff keeps happening to her and the spirt box tells everyone she’s pregnant just like a very scary and worried and protective colby requests please.

Spoiled Surprise

We start the investigation in one of the upstairs rooms, looking for the tall, dark shadow man that seems to scare the owners and the visitors of the house. I let the boys walk forward and I'm between Colby and Kat, her amd Stas being the last ones. We enter the room and a cold breeze washes over my face.

"Woah", i take a step back, almost stepping on Kat's foot. I capture everyone's attention. "Didn't you feel like a cold breeze hitting you?"

"No?", Colby answers and we keep on walking until we reach the center of the room. "So stuff starts happening already, we should hit things off. We have an emf reader, the well known spirit box and our ovilus.", Colby points to the devices that me and Sam hold. The small space of the room would normally make the air between us warmer. But now... I start shaking and the girls hug themselves, shivers running through our bodies.

Sam starts pointing the emf reader around the room, proving that none of our devices are at fault for the spiking.

"Woah, woah, point to that corner", i point with my finger to the corner of the room.

"Why? Do you see something?", Sam asks panicked

"I saw a tall, dark shape right there, i can't see it anymore but i still feel it.", from an instinct, i put a hand over my belly as a protective act and take a deep breath. The room got colder and the emf spikes to red. "Told you", i smirk

"That's insane", Colby smiles proudly at me and i bump into him playfully. "Are you feeling alright?", he asks me almost whispering. We kept my pregnancy a secret and we intend to do so because we want to make sure everything is safe and sound until we make the announcement to our friends and family. Nobody knows except us and it's so hard to keep things hidden, especially when the morning sickness kicks in and the four of us are having breakfast. Colby found out that i am pregnant when i was already a few weeks in and i took the opportunity of not having Sam and Kat one night around. I cooked dinner and made a type of date at home. After we ate, i told Colby i have something for him and reached for a gift box, where i put the smallest pair of shoes, my pregnancy test and a note saying "come back to us after ghost hunting". There aren't enough words to express his happiness when he realised what was actually happening. We both cried happy tears and ever since then, our relationship became even stronger. He's very protective over me and loves taking care of me. It was so hard for him not to call his parents and tell Sam about the baby, but we both knew it is for the best to have it a secret.

"I'm great baby. The place just freaks me out, that's all", i assure him and i put my hand back on my belly for a split second.

"Let's try the spirit box. Y/N said she's still feeling him, maybe the shadow man will come through", i nod at Colby's words and he turns on the spirit box.

I cross my arms at my chest and Kat does the same, both of us leaning on the wall with our backs.

Hi Sam

"I'm sorry what", Sam's eyes grow wide and tries keeping his calm. We laugh at his reaction.

"You're not coming back to Vegas", Kat jokes and we laugh even more.

Corner

"Are you in the corner?", Colby asks but i shake my head no before he would get an answer

"He's not there. He's closer to us, i just can't see him", i look around the room, but can't see anything out of the ordinary

Be careful

You carry something *interference* valuable

"What?", Colby asks, unable to comprehend the whole sentence

"Something valuable?", Sam frowns. "We have money, do you want us to leave you some dollars?", he looks around the room

I look at Colby who's just as concentrated as Sam.

Engage

Y/N

"Engage myself, what?", i chuckle

"i think conversation wise", Colby points out and we laugh.

"That makes more sense", i say and take a step forward. Cold air floats in the middle of our group. "Hi, I'm y/n and I'm a medium. I would love it if you would come forward so i could see you. We mean no harm, we just want to understand your world better", i look into the camera that Colby holds. "It's weird every time i say that". He chuckles behind the camera.

You should go home

Not your place

I'll harm *interference*

"You can't harm any of us. We'll leave when we have more answers", i say and i get dizzy all of a sudden, but play it cool.

You have a baby

Keep it hidden

My face goes as white as a wall and look to Colby whose eyes were wide and his bottom lip starts quivering in anger.

"What baby?", Sam asks confused and looks at Kat

"Don't look at me?", she frowns at him

Both Colby and i keep quiet and wait for something to happen.

Y/N

"Well fuck", i nervously laugh. I massage my forehead with my fingers.

"Wait what? You're pregnant?", Kat asks loudly and i look at Colby who starts laughing from behind the camera. He puts the camera on a chair and comes by my side. He hugs me from behind and puts his hands on my growing belly. Colby shows the shape of my barely noticeable bump and they hug us one by one, congratulating us.

"When did this happen?", Sam asks colby

"Almost two months ago. We wanted to keep it a secret until we made sure everything is going the right way.", he kisses the top of my head.

"We're so happy for you, this is insane", Kat says and holds my hand in support.

"Thank you, we love you", we have a group hug and go back to investigating. Sam takes the camera while Colby stays close to me.

"Can you give us a sign that you're here?", Colby asks and a loud bang is immediately heard. "Thank you. Can you use this device to talk to us?", he points to the spirit box once again

Leave

You're not supposed to be here

As the second sentence is said, the dizziness becomes heavier and i lean on Kat for some support.

"Are you ok?", she asks worried

"I'm fine", i lie, but she grabs my hand

"You're burning", she says and puts the back of her hand on my forehead to check again. "Yes you are", the boys stop the spirit box to check on me. Colby puts a hand on my back.

"I'm fine", i lie again and i clear my throat when i feel like i can't breath. I move away from Kat and Colby and try taking a deep breath but fail. I loosen the collar of my blouse and try taking a deep breath again, choking for the need of air.

"Leave her alone!", Colby's deep voice echoes in the room, but i manage to exit it before i see any improvements of Colby's demand on the ghost. I sit on a chair. "Y/N, baby", he comes and kneels in front of me, while i try to catch my breath as i feel like running 5 miles.

"I'm ok now.", i say and lean my head to meet Colby's lips. We both get up and we hug each other. "My neck is burning, tho"

I realise there's something wrong when he gasps and his angry look takes over. "You have finger marks on your neck", his voice breaks and my mouth falls open. Sam comes to check on me too, shocked of how real the choke hold looks. As we talk, the chair i sat on earlier, falls on the ground, hitting the back of my leg. I jump in surprise of what happened. Colby grabs my arm and pulls me into his arms, protecting me.

"You are not allowed to hurt any of us anymore", i shout and a loud bang is heard again.

"The door just shut", Sam says trying to keep his calm. "He doesn't want us back there"

"He's right there", i point behind Sam and we all freak out.

"Is he doing something?", Colby asks

"No, but he's very angry", i feel nauseous and i clear my throat to shake the feeling away. A sharp pain under my abdomen makes me wince in pain. I put my hands over my belly as to protect the baby.

"Let's go, now", Colby almost shouts and starts running with me down the hallway to get me out of there. I take a deep breath when we arrive in the garden, already feeling better. "Hey, you ok? Do you need anything? We can go to the doctor, there's definitely someone working this late", he almost says everything without taking a breath. I kiss him and he relaxes under my touch.

"I feel good. We can go for a check up just to make sure, but I'm feeling alright, babe", he sighs in relief and kisses my forehead.

"I don't know what i would do if something happened to the two of you", he hugs me tightly and his body shivers.

"You're going to be the best dad in the world.",i assure him, knowing he struggles with this thought ever since he found out about the baby.

"I really hope so. And i want to be the best husband in the world too", he smiles and i blush.

"You'll definitely be.", i say and kiss him once more.

[il-miele-che-scrive]

Sebastian vettle being a totalbsf to love to lovers type of situation with the reader who's a driver for another team

This took me shorter time than expected and I enjoyed writing it so much. In my head it takes places around the time where Sebastian was driving for Red bull, the fic is about 2k words long

The deafening roar of the crowd echoed in the air as Y/n crossed the finish line, her heart pounding in her ears. She couldn't believe it, she won. It was not only her first win, but also she managed to do it in her rookie year. When she stepped out of the car, her team rushed towards her, their faces expressing happiness and pride.

That was the moment Y/n had dreamed of ever since she stepped a foot on the track for the first time. Hell, it was something she had dreamt of ever since she was a little kid. People told her she would never make it that far. Well, these people could go to hell now. Y/n was so proud of herself, that day she proved something.

Sebastian watched Y/n's team celebrate her victory. Even if she was on a rival team, she was still a friend of his. That was something nobody knew. It was their mutual decision to keep the friendship to themselves, just in case someone decided to accuse Y/n of making a career in motorsport thanks to her friendship with Sebastian. She deserved that win, she fought hard for it. In the past Y/n had to make choices, had to sacrifice a few things, a few friendships, one relationship with a guy who, according to Sebastian, didn't deserve her. But it all led her to where she was now - the first place on the podium. And Sebastian has been with her through all of this, they sticked together, quietly supporting each other, carefully staying out of cameras' sight. Of course people would accuse them of dating if they ever discovered their friendship.

He was so proud of her. He couldn't take eyes off her. Once she took her helmet off and Sebastian could see her face lit up with pure joy, she looked even more beautiful than ever. Their eyes met across the busy pitlane. Gosh, she was gorgeous. Maybe it was the way she smiled at him, but Sebastian felt his face turn red. Was she always that beautiful?

Just minutes later Y/n found herself running towards Sebastian. They didn't have much time right before the podium ceremony and between interviews.

"I did it, I did it!" Y/n exclaimed, almost causing her friend to fall over when she crashed her body into his, closing him in a tight hug. "Seb, I won the race!"

"That's great, Y/n. I'm so proud!" He managed to say despite being quite shocked. What happened to keeping the friendship a secret?

Not going to lie, it didn't feel real. It certainly made Sebastian's heart skip a bit. Of course, he didn't let his confusion ruin Y/n's mood. He reciprocated the embrace, putting one of his hands on Y/n's back and the other on the back of her head. Damn it, her hair was so soft, even after spending so much time in that car with her hair trapped under the helmet, it didn't lose the softness.

What the hell was he even thinking about? Why was he thinking about it? And again - what happened to their agreement? They were probably already caught by some camera and Y/n didn't seem to care even a tiny bit.

"Y/n..."

"Yes, Seb?"

"We... weren't supposed to display our friendship."

Y/n slightly pulled back out of the hug. Her smile was a little smaller now, after Sebastian pointed that out.

"I just..." She tried to explain, her voice soft with uncertainity. "Do you think it matters now?"

"Well, you started that. You didn't want people to know about our friendship for the sake of your career and I agreed. Because I... care about you."

Y/n's breath got stuck in her throat, she stayed silent for a longer moment. He cared about her. Of course he did, they were friends, he cared about her the same way she cared about him. That's what friends do. They care about each other. But... the tone of his voice. There was something in the way he said these words. Almost as if they had a secret meaning.

"I know. I never doubted that." She said eventually, ignoring her thoughts. "Thank you for being here for me. Sorry you didn't make it to the podium today."

"That's okay," Sebastian smiled, "now go, they're waiting for you. We can talk about the privacy of our friendship later."

Y/n nodded and headed towards the podium. She smiled, waving at people. Somehow, Sebastian's words hung in her mind. He cared about her. His words carried an emotional depth. Y/n knew there was a second meaning, but she had to yet figure out what it was.

The cameras did catch them that day. The whole world saw Y/n running towards Sebastian. Hugging him. And him hugging her back. But that was alright. They decided that from now on their friendship wasn't going to be a secret anymore. They kept supporting each other through ups and downs, to victories and defeats, and it was way easier when people were aware of their friendship.

Friendship. Whoever was close to them could easily tell that word didn't describe the bond between them well. It evolved into something more than that. It was subtle at first, hidden in fleeting glances or lingering touches that sparked a warmth in their hearts. It were the little things. The way Sebastian's gaze lingered a second too long, the way Y/n's heart raced whenever he was near. That spoke volumes. As days turned into weeks and weeks into months, the truth began to reveal itself.

Y/n and Sebastian were falling for each other, slowly and inevitably, without even realizing it themselves. The love grew between them slowly all along, but the both of them brushed off any evidence the other one could feel something more. Maybe they unconsciously sabotaged what could happen if they confessed their feelings. So many things could go wrong. Their conversations were filled with banter and jokes, trying to mask the tension. It was as if they were dancing on the edge of a cliff. One wrong move and everything goes down, including them.

At some point, it became frustrating. It wasn't even like tiptoeing around their emotions. It was like walking on eggshells. Their friendship became suddenly so fragile. They were heading towards something they were trying to avoid so desperately.

Sebastian decided to put an end to this. He had enough, he didn't want to continue tiptoeing around their feelings, pretending that everything was normal when it clearly wasn't. They needed to have a conversation about this.

It was evening. Another race weekend had passed and on the next day they were heading out of the hotel. Just as Y/n changed to pajamas, ready to sleep, she heard knocking on her door.

She sighed to herself, nor expecting any guests. Being the nice person she is, she decided to see who might have had a need to see her. She didn't necessarily expect to see her best friend.

"Sebastian? It's a bit late."

"I know," he walked inside the room, not waiting for an invitation, "but I'm sick of it. I can't keep going like that."

"What are you talking about?"

The girl knew what he meant, but she tried to avoid the topic like she had been avoiding it for the past few months.

"You know what I'm talking about," Sebastian ran his hands through his hair, "we can't keep pretending. We need to talk about us, Y/n."

Y/n felt her heart speed up. It was about to start pounding as fast and hard as it did the day she won her first race a few months ago.

"Seb, no." She refused, knowing that this conversation had been a long time coming, but that didn't make it any easier to face.

She knew him. She knew Sebastian was the kind of person who always had to get what they wanted. And now he wanted to talk. He wanted to have a serious conversation with her and he was going to have it.

But despite her reluctance, Y/n knew that she couldn't keep avoiding the inevitable. They needed to address the tension between them, to lay everything out on the table and finally confront their feelings.

"Alright, Sebastian," she said, trying to keep her voice steady. "Let's talk."

Sebastian took a deep breath. He had never been one to shy away from speaking his mind, to assertively pursue what he wanted. So why did he feel so vulnerable in this moment?

"Okay, fuck it." He said that rather ti himself. "Y/n, I think I am in love with you."

The words hung heavy in the air, filling the hotel room with tension. With desire. The silence was deadly.

Y/n felt the same, of course she did. She didn't know how or when it happened, but she was in love with her best friend. She had no idea why no words left her mouth that time. It felt as if something was stuck in her throat, nit allowing Y/n to make a sound.

It was just so overwhelming for her to have Sebastian admit his feelings just like that. He laid his feelings in front of her and now the choice was hers, the next move depended on her.

She wanted to tell Sebastian that she felt the same, that she had been longing for this moment as much as he had.

"I..." Y/n paused, god knows what for, "Seb, we can't. We can't be together. You're my best friend."

Her heart ached at the weight of the words she spoke. For a moment she wished she hadn't said that. But she did and she couldn't take that back.

"The healthiest relationships start with friendships. Y/n, I am in love with you and don't even try to tell me you don't feel the same." His eyes bore into her. He wasn't the man to give up easily and he certainly wasn't going to give up on a chance with the woman he loved. And he knew she loved him too, even if she was scared to admit it. But he needed her to say it.

It was obvious. He felt it. In the way she spoke, in the way her behavior changed around him. The both of them felt something more than friendship and it was evident.

As Y/n met his gaze, she realized that he was right. Even if she was running away from that thought, even if she was hiding this from herself, he was right. She was in love with him.

In that moment, Y/n knew that she couldn't deny the truth any longer. She was in love with Sebastian, just as he was in love with her. And no matter how hard they tried to resist it, their hearts were bound together, beating in the same rhythm.

"I don't know what to say." She admitted.

"The truth." He said softly. "Or don't say anything. That's okay too." His voice was filled with some kind of warmth, so familiar to Y/n.

"I don't wanna lose you, Seb."

"You won't. Our friendship is the foundation, we'll never lose that. I'll make sure of that. You mean everything to me." His gaze never left her. He appreciated how vulnerable she was being right now.

Y/n knew in that moment that she could trust him with her heart, that he would always be there for her no matter what.

"You mean everything to me too. I... I love you too." As she spoke these words, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her chest. A sense of peace washed over her body.

Y/n closed her eyes, feeling the tears approaching the surface, and she felt her best friend closing her in an embrace. Surrounded by the warmth of Sebastian's such close presence, Y/n knew that their love was stronger than any fear or uncertainty.

Together, they would defeat any storm that came their way, bound together by a love that was undeniable and strong. And now they weren't going to hide it. Not anymore. They were proud of their feelings and they were going to let everyone know, celebrating victories together with romantic gestures on the podium, everybody was going to know Y/n and Sebastian were together. The whole world could be against them, but it didn't matter as long as they had each other.

[mannaima]

I was thinking about a dark joel x reader with smut she's innocent and still kind of sheltered from the world (doesn't go out that much) maybe because her father is the leader (of fedra or something), then one day on the rare occasion she happens to be out and Joel sees her and he has to have her and he has an unhealthy obsession to make her his. And he manipulates her into having sex with him then he tells her "you're mine forever".

My Best Friend Joel(part one)

Summary: Joel sees a pretty little thing and takes advantage of a girl who knows nothing better.

Authors note: WOOOOO this is so hawt. Dark! Joel is a such a sleazy little bastard when he wants something, and this time all he wants is a sweet girl to warm his DICK!!! Also have u seen that tiktok that says Pedro Pascal would guide u thru it,,,,,,, Yeah. This is kinda based on that LOL.

I also decided I wanted to make this a two parter. Create tension. Hehehehe

Word count: 4.3K

Warnings: Dub-con(ish) ( joel manipulates), age gap (reader is 19 and Joel is 56), stalking, generally creepy Joel, reader has no idea how friendship and joel takes advantage of this by making her think suckin dick is how you say hello.

“What do we do when someone knocks at the door and doesn’t use our secret knock?” 

“Hide in the cupboard.”

“Good. Do we ever look out the windows in the daytime?”

“No, we do not.”

“Well done. Lastly, where do we never go?”

“Outside.”

Your father kissed your forehead, his FEDRA uniform draped his body as he waved off, shutting the door behind him as you locked the many different locks. Your father had instilled the fear of the outside world to you since day one, you were to never leave the home under any circumstance. When you were small, you listened to his long list of rules, you didn’t so much as peek through the curtains as long as the day was bright. But as you got older, you slowly began to understand less and less of your fathers worries. He told you stories of the zombie-like creatures that lay beyond the walls, the people fighting for something as simple as sleeping pills. You were fascinated at first, but it slowly began to bore you. You grew tired of the home you spent your entire life in, not even being able to go to school throughout your youth. Even now, at nineteen years old, you were old enough to have your own apartment, but your father insisted on just one more year, he told you it wasn’t safe.

You looked through the sheer curtains, watched the people walk along the dirty and destroyed streets. Dirty, tired, exhausted, and yet you envied them. You wanted the feeling of freedom, even if it meant that freedom guaranteed you danger. What was the point of living if you didn’t experience fear once in a while? You sighed, and continued to watch the people below you, you didn’t care anymore. Just once, you wanted to feel the fresh air, hear the chattering of people up close, maybe even meet a friend. But your dreams stayed dreams for so long it didn’t seem possible to even see the outside. You stood up from your seat next to the window, in anger, you were tired of being cooped up. You paced around the room, your mind conjuring up the idea to escape, even just for one day. You finally decided on a decent enough plan.

You would leave, just for a few hours. You could wear a disguise, maybe a head covering and large enough jacket, and explore. Feel the air and make a friend. You would leave thirty minutes after your father left, and leave the door unlocked. Nobody had ever tried to knock on your door for the past nineteen years, so why would someone do it now?

You nodded to yourself, the pieces of the plan finalizing in your head. You walked to your bedroom and began to plan an outfit, something practical but also not to draw attention. You settled on a pair of bootcut jeans with a plain t-shirt, covered by a large jacket, and a black scarf worn over your head. You had seen enough people every day to understand the average outfit, you nodded once again to yourself. This was perfect.

-------

“Alright sweetie. I’ll see you tomorrow morning, they have me working the night shift. Be safe alright?” 

“Yes father.” You nodded, and he kissed your forehead and you waved him off. The night couldn’t have gone any slower, your mind racing in excitement. You hadn’t accounted for your father working an extra long shift today, so that gave you even more relief in leaving. You had to make sure you got home no later than 4 pm, a quick glance at the clock showed it was 10 am. Leave at 10:30 am. You had plenty of time, you didn’t have to worry. You paced around the home, too anxious to sit down and wait, you checked the clock periodically, hoping for it to be time soon. The second the clock hit 10:20, you marched into your room to put on your clothes. Slipping on every single garment, you finished with a pair of red converse, your breath hitching in excitement. As you looked at yourself in the mirror, you couldn’t help but feel a tinge of guilt. You were betraying your fathers rule he made for your safety. But the other side of your brain told you that he couldn’t keep you here forever. You shook your head, as if to rid the thought rotting your brain, and you took one last look at the clock on your wall.

10:30.

You had to go now.

You made your way to your front door, hand shaking as you reached for the knob, why were you so nervous? You’ve waited your entire life to do this, can't stop now. You pushed open the door, and your eyes shut a little due to the brightness. You closed the door behind you and descended down the stairs, very carefully. You were in awe, you had never felt so small in your life, the world being so big around you. You wanted to run, frolic, and enjoy the wonder of the outside world. You didn’t care how destroyed it all was, how the cracks in the streets made people trip, or the smell of firewood that burned through your nose. No, it all felt like such a privilege, you had never known such freedom.

You walked among the people, trying your best to blend in, make yourself appear as normal as possible. Your biggest fear was being mugged or hurt, and then your father would never let you out of his sight again, maybe even tie you to your bed. You smiled, a rare joy among the faces of the depressed, no more were you a prisoner.

Vendors selling shoe laces, patches of cloth, and other things you didn’t quite understand, but still appreciated nonetheless. You wanted to get a closer look at a small doll-like figure made of cloth, so you reached your hand out to grab it. As you did, another hand did as well, causing you to both flinch.

“Oh. I’m sorry sir.” You noticed the hand was much larger than yours, with hair that began to go slightly gray.

“No, my fault sweetheart. Go right ahead.” You peered your head up to look at him, right away you noticed he was much older. He was dirty and had a look of an unknown emotion. 

“Thank you.” You quietly said, before reaching to take a look at the doll, small, and it had a small smile on her face. It was made out of scrap clothing or cloth, and it had a strange texture, yet it was so cute to you.

“Five ration cards, miss.” The vendor told you, and you immediately froze. Ration cards? You didn’t know what that was, having never known about stuff like this. 

“I. I- Um. Sorry.” You slowly began to put back down the doll, embarrassed of your actions. A hand pushed your hand back, however.

“Here you are sir.” The large man next to you handed the vendor some cards, leaving you confused.

“I- Uh. Thank you sir.” You looked up at him, holding the small doll to your chest. You hadn’t had a doll since before. Ever.  

“It’s not an issue at all, sweetheart. I take you don’t have a job?”

“Haha. Yeah, I guess you could say that.” You didn’t really know what to say, but he nodded at your answer.

“So where you off to?” You both walked into a direction you had no clue of, but you just shrugged.

“I dunno. I was just walking around. Just exploring.” You were not confident in your answers, unsure why this man stuck to your side. 

“You don’t know?” He questioned you. You stopped and debated your next move. 

“I-I’m gonna go home.” You turned on your heel, and walked in the opposite direction, leaving the man to watch you go back. You were scared, mostly, you didn’t know how to respond, and he was a stranger! You collected your breathing, as you were hyperventilating. Your feet hit the gravel heavily, you couldn’t wait to get home. You finally entered your home and slammed the door shut, making sure to lock every single lock. Slamming your bedroom door open, you tore off your clothes into a box under your bed. You groaned, in defeat, maybe your dad was right after all. You were too scared of the outside world, and the people asked so many questions! Overwhelmed, you decided to slip on a large shirt and go to sleep. Cuddling up under the sheets, your eyes slowly fell into slumber

—-------

Over the past few days, things were normal. Well, at least your version of normal.

Your father came home, but he was much more distant these days, not even giving you the usual spiel every morning, just leaving. You assumed he was more stressed as “smugglers” became more frequent. You didn’t understand it all, but every day you watched the people below, wishing you were them.

Knock. Knock knock. Knock. Knock

You stood up from your chair by the window, confused, as it was still day time, why was your father here? It was the secret knock, but it was far too early for him to be home. You warily made your way to the door, taking your time to unlock the many different forms of protection. As you opened the door, a foot was placed between the doorframe and the space open. You looked up, and you were met face to face with the man from earlier.

“Let me in, sugar.” You stood in shock, allowing him to push past your hold, and allow him in. He shut the door, loudly, behind him.

“Lovely home you have here…” He trailed about the apartment, hand rubbing against furniture and knick knacks.

“W-what are you doing here?” You backed up slowly, your mind racing, how did he know the knock? That was between you and your father only. 

“Can’t pay a visit to a friend?”

“I-I. I don’t understand...” You tried to hide the fear in your voice– keyword, tried. 

“Aw c’mon don’t act like that sweetheart. I see the way you look out that window, I know you’re all lonely here. I know you need someone. And that someone is me, darling.” He sounded deranged, the more he spoke, the weirder you felt. Why did he know so much about you? But, he was right, you were lonely. With no friends to call your own.

“How did you know the knock?” He chuckled and walked closer to you.

“Don’t worry about that sweetheart. Now, how about we go out?” You raised an eyebrow at this suggestion.

“Out?” He was close enough to touch you now, his boots slamming against the floorboards. He was putting his arm around you now.

“Yeah. You drink?” You shook your head, causing him to chuckle.

“‘Course you don’t. Well we can go back to my place and talk, I could make you some food. I got some books you could read.” He pulled you close to him. You looked up at him, a small smirk was on his face as he looked down. You slowly nodded, feeling your insides warm up. A friend! He might’ve been a little creepy, but he seemed so nice. You slowly pulled yourself out of his grip, his arm going up as you moved.

“L-Let me change, first.” You rubbed your hair nervously, and he took a seat, legs spreading wide.

“Take as long as you need to, sweetheart.” You nervously smiled and walked to your bedroom, your nerves making you forget to close the door all the way. You didn’t notice the eyes that watched you remove your shirt and pants.

—-------

You walked by the side of the larger man, you felt so small compared to him. You blurted out the first thing on your mind.

“You never told me your name.” He looked down at you, a small smile creeping on his face.

“Joel. What about you, sweetie?” You told him your name, to which he nodded. You kept looking around at all the people, some giving you a strange look. Joel eventually wrapped his arm around you, keeping you close to him. People never stopped staring at you, it made you slightly insecure. You knew you would stand out. Joel began to rub circles into your back, as if he knew what you were feeling.

Step by step, you grew closer to his apartment, making you nervous, what if you did something wrong? You never had to deal with people. As he pulled out a small key to unlock his door, your heart was thumping in your chest. 

“Home sweet home.” He let you enter first, and you took in the sight around you. It was much dirtier than yours, but not entirely his fault. Everything seemed to be used, or very old. You kept quiet as you eyed the room.

“Come, sit.” He said, very authoritatively. Your feet began walking towards him without any thought, you learned to obey commands like that with your father.

“You want any water?” As you sat, you muttered a small ‘yes please’, which prompted his hands to come up to your chin, making you look at him.

“What was that, sweets?” Your eyes widened slightly, he was very close to your face.

“Y-Yes Joel, please.” He let go, a satisfied smile on his face as he turned around to fix you a glass. Was this friendship? You didn’t know it would be so touchy, but I guess that was normal? You watched him pour the water into a small glass, your eyes fixated on his figure. 

“How old are you, Joel?” You swung your feet in the chair you sat in, waiting for him to come back.

“Well aren’t you curious.” He walked back with a glass of water for you, and a smaller glass of brown liquid for him. “I’m fifty-six. How ‘bout you?”

“Nineteen…” You didn’t realize he was much older than you, he was older than your father!

“Quite a big girl. And you don’t have a job?” Shaking your head, you felt slightly embarrassed.

“My dad won’t let me go out. Never got to go to school, or have friends even. You’re my first.” Joel’s cock twitched at your choice of words, but his demeanor remained nonchalant.

“That’s a shame sweetheart. You’re old enough to have a family, and your dad still won't let you leave?” You looked down, saddened at the reality.

“Does he know you left the house today?” You shook your head, prompting Joel to stand up.

“Such a bad girl. Leaving the home with a stranger.” He drew closer to you.

“I thought you were my friend.” A chuckle left his lips.

“Right. But you still left without permission. That makes you so naughty.” He lifted you up from your seat and made your legs wrap around him, making you jump a little at the touch of his hands against your ass. His face was so close to your own.

“Mmmm. You’re so pretty.” Your face was red, you felt tingly. His lips got close to your own. He placed them on top of yours, you just looked at him while his eyes closed and his tongue moved around. He pulled away and looked at you. He smiled to himself.

“You’ve never kissed anyone, have you?” You shook your head, and he brought you close to his face.

“Move your lips with mine, open your mouth slightly when you feel my tongue.” He whispered to you, softly. Again, he placed his lips against yours, but this time you followed his movements, his mustache tickling the top of your lip, making you giggle. He smiled against your lips before swiping his tongue against your bottom lip. You opened your mouth for him, as he said, and his tongue pushed through your mouth. His tongue swirled with your own, drool coming down your chin. You stayed like this for a while, his hands on your ass, holding you up, your mouths connected one another. He finally pulled away, your body feeling weird as you watched a trail of saliva connect the both of you. Joel put you down on the floor, allowing you to stand.

“Do friends usually do stuff like that?” Joel stayed quiet, for a moment, before nodding.

“Yes, but only friends like me and you. You can’t do that with anyone else, understand?” You nodded, his head patting yours.

“Good girl. Let's get you home before your daddy finds out you left.” 

“Okay Joel.”

—------

You had made it home before your dad came back, sighing in relief. Over the past few days, however, Joel managed to come shortly after your dad left. You two would go over to his home, talk, do more “friend stuff” as you liked to call it, and he would drop you off.

Today was no different. He knocked, normally, and you knew it would be him. Opening the door, his smile made one appear on your face.

“Joel!” You gave him a large hug, face buried into his beefy chest. He laughed and ruffled your hair.

“Hey sweetie. Look at you, all ready.” he pointed to your outfit as you pulled back, and it made you giggle. You wore jeans, a tight white shirt and a dark green zip up jacket.

“Mhm! I was waiting all morning for my dad to leave so we could hang out!” He laughed and bent down a little, to get to eye level with you.

“Where's my kisses, huh?” You smiled and closed your eyes to kiss him, his tongue slipping in, as you two sloppily kissed for about a minute. He pulled back up and wiped his lips, face looking very satisfied. You giggled at his expression.

“Let's go then, sugar.” He held out his hand for you to grab, which you did, and he led you out of the apartment.

The entire time walking to his home, you never failed to get weird looks. Joel gripped your hand, but you stared at your feet to try to ignore the looks.

“Don’t worry about them sweetheart, they’re jealous.” He led you to his apartment, and let you in. You walked towards the table but he stopped you.

“Come to my bedroom.” Your face was a little confused, but you trusted Joel. Without him, you would be friendless and still alone in your bedroom, rotting away. Following him to the bedroom, you noticed how different he was acting. He seemed more touchy, much more than usual, his hand rubbing your back as you walked in the room, and touching your leg as you sat down.

“I’m gonna teach you something important today.” You paused, very curious to what he was talking about.

“About what?” Your head cocked to the side.

“Male anatomy.” You stared at him with wide eyes, very intrigued at what he was talking about. Your father never taught you much about your own body other than periods. Let alone talking about the male body.

“Okay.” He smiled at you, his hand now on top of yours. He placed it on his lap.

“This right here,” His hand began to move around, your hand feeling a soft body part not attracted to anything. It moved around with your hand, which made him tense. “This is a cock. It’s what men use to go to the bathroom. But it has another purpose. It makes me feel very good.” You were so curious, but as your hand moved at the puppetry of Joel, the body part began to get stiff and harder. Joel groaned under his breath.

“And when I get excited, it gets hard.” You hummed, very intrigued at the idea of that happening.

“Do you wanna see it?” He whispered, your hand still moving against it. 

“Y-Yeah…” He moved your hand to the side and undid his belt, undoing the buttons, and finally unzipping his zipper. Moving his boxers out the way, his cock sprang out, making you jump. It was so. Big. Your eyes widened, you had never seen anything like this before.

“Woah… It looks. Big.” He chuckled at your comment, his cock twitching slightly.

“Give me your hand.” You looked at him, giving him your hand as he held it in his. He put your hand against his cock, your fingers wrapped around it. It was so warm. He moved your hand up and down, the head of his cock disappearing and reappearing under his foreskin. He groaned once more, you looked away from his cock to look at him, making sure it wasn’t hurting.

“Is this okay?” You were unsure of it all, worried that he didn’t like it.

“More than okay, baby. Fuck, you do this so good. But I know how you could make this better.” You stared at his features, his Adam's apple bobbing when he swallowed, his eyes staring at your moving hand.

“How?”

He moved your hand and lifted you up from your seat on the bed, and placed you on the floor, ordering you to be on your knees. Your face was now at eyes-level with his cock, and you could see it much closer. The base was covered in hair, some gray ones mixed in between the black ones. There was a little bit of liquid dribbling out of a small hole at the top of it.

“Come here, princess.” His hand grabbed a fistful of hair, gently, and pushed you towards his cock. 

“Put your mouth on it. Kiss it like you do me.” Your eyes never left it, it was so large and warm, you remained curious about it. You brought your lips to it, and gave it a small kiss. He groaned, the grip on your hair slightly tighter. You began to move your lips across it, and you swirled your tongue around it, making Joel groan louder. You kept doing that, small amounts of drool tracing down his cock, the tip as wet as could be. Joel seemed to grow impatient or was just really excited because he slowly pushed your head down his length. Your mouth felt filled instantly, stretching to accommodate his size. You got no more than three inches down before you started to gag. You tried going back up, but he kept you down there.

“Stay like that, sweetheart, be a good girl for me.” You sputtered and drooled, gagging once more. You had tried to wiggle out of his grasp, but his hold on you was tight and firm. Eventually, he pulled your hair, making you move back up, making you cough from lack of air.

“You’ll get better at that eventually.” Joel grabbed your hair once more, and pushed your mouth back on his cock. He bobbed your head up and down, making sure not to go further than what you couldn’t take. You were drooling so much, his entire cock became wet over how much drool there was. His groans filled the room, bed creaking over how fast he moved you. You shut your eyes and tried to ignore the pain in your jaw, wanting to please your friend Joel. He suddenly pulled your hair back, very roughly, and his free hand began to jerk off in front of your face. You didn’t have time to question it before a semi-white liquid poured all over your face, and almost in your eyes. You flinched and closed your eyes as more of it sprayed on your face, jumping in surprise at each flick. It was warm, and the small amount that got into your mouth was salty. After Joel’s long moans seemed to quiet down, and you no longer felt sprays on your face, you opened your eyes to meet Joel’s. His hand reached your chin as he made you look slightly up towards him.

“Fuck… You look gorgeous sweetheart.” Your cheeks flushed at his words, you felt so confident whenever Joel complimented you. He got up for a second, then handed you a small rag.

“Wipe your face sweetie.” You took the rag, and noticed his cock was still out. While still large, it was smaller now, and more floppy, not as stiff as before. He pulled up his boxers and buttoned up his pants again. He sat down in front of you, your face now clean from his release. He pulled you up to sit on his lap.

“What was that at the end?”

“That's called cum. It happens when I get really excited and I reach the end. It feels really good.”

“Can I do that?”

“Well, not the same way I do. But yes, you can cum too. Not today though, that’s a lesson for another day.”

“Okay Joel….” You smiled and buried your head into his large chest, his hand petting your hair as you snuggled into him. You really liked Joel, your best friend. 

[inkskinned]

before you know about women, you hear that you do not need to love the man, just that you need to love him through his manhood. which is to say you have seen the future painted in lamb's blood over your eyes - how your mother shoots you a look about your father's inability to cook right. how your aunt holds her wineglass and says i'm gonna kill em. men, right! how your best friend bickers with her boyfriend, how she says i can't help it. i come back to him.

you learn: men are gonna cheat. men aren't going to listen when you're talking, because you're nagging. men think emotions are stupid. they think your life is vapid and your hobbies are embarrassing. men will slam things, but that's because men are allowed to be angry. if you get loud, you're hysterical. if a man gets loud - well, men are animals, men are dogs, men can't control their hands or their eyes or their bodies. they're going to make a snide comment about you in the locker room, about your body, about how you're so fucking annoying. you're going to give him kids, and he will give you the money for the kids, and you're going to be running the house 24/7 - but he gets to relax after a long day, because his job is stressful. the man is on stage, and is a comedian, and says "women!"

and you are supposed to love that. you are supposed to love men through how horrible they are to you - because that's what women do. that's what good women do. wife material. your father even told you once - it'll make sense when you're older. it was like staring down a very lonely tunnel.

it feels like something's caught in your throat, but it's all you know, so. it's okay that you see sex as a necessary tool, a sort of okay-enough ritual to keep him happy, even though he doesn't seem to care about happiness as-applied-to you. it is relationship upkeep. it is kissing him and smiling even though he didn't brush his teeth. it is getting on your knees and looking up and holding back a sigh because he barely holds you as you panic through the night. it's not like the sex is bad and you do like feeling wanted. and besides! he's a man! like... they're another species. you'll never be able to actually communicate, right. he isn't listening.

you just don't get it. you don't feel that sense of i'm gonna climb him like a tree. mostly it just feels fucking exhausting. you play the part perfectly. you smile and nod and are "effortlessly" charming. and it's fine! it's alright! you even love him, if you're looking. you could have good life, and a good family, and perfectly happy.

in the late night you google: am i broken. you google i'm not attracted to my husband. you google i get turned on by books but not by him. you google how to get better in bed.

the first time he yells at you, it almost feels like blankness. like - of course this is happening. this is always how it was going to end up. men get angry, and they yell, and you sit there in silence.

you mention it to your friend - just the once - while you're drunk. she shrugs and says it's like that with me too, i just try to forget and move on. men are always gonna hear what they want to. pick your battles and say sorry even though he's in the wrong. you play solitaire online for a month. you go to your therapist appointment and preach about how you're both so in love.

after all, you have a future to want. nobody lied about it - how many instagram posts say marriage is hard. say real love takes work. say we fight like cats and dogs but the best part is that we always make up. how many of your friends say happy anniversary to the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. if you really loved him - loved yourself too - you'd accept that men are just different from you.

the first time she kisses you, it's on a dare at a party. something large and terrifying whips through your body. you wake up sweating from dreams where her mouth is encrusted with pearls and you pick them off one by one with your teeth. fuck. you sit at the computer and your almost-finished game of sim city. you think about your potential perfect life and your potential future family. you google am i gay quiz with your little hands shaking.

you delete each letter slowly. you don't need to love him. you just need to keep going.

[adventuringblind]

Oscar the Matchmaker: part one

Oscar Piastri x Reader x Max Verstappen (because I can and nobody is stopping me)

Genre: fluff

Summary: Max has always been labeled as things. Angry, temperamental, weird, goofy, etc., but now he doesn’t know what to label himself. When Oscar signs with McLaren and his possible next teammate is determined to figure him out, his whole world is turned upside down.

Warnings: hints of past bad relationships

Notes: nobody stopped me so I did things. I would date both of them because both are baby.

Masterlist

Oscar Piastri. One of the best upcoming talents in the sport.

Max remembers when he used to have that title. It feels like a lifetime ago now.

Now staring at the papaya clad Australian, he can't but feel sentimental. The younger males personality is much different then his own. How is he always calm when his car sucks?

To be fair, Max was a teenager when he was in his rookie year. His hormones were all over the place.

But then next to the rookie is her. She's also a rookie with alphatauri this year. A possible teammate for him later on down the line. She'd proven herself by making it into the points this year.

It's ridiculous, he thinks, how two rookies could be so good with awful cars. It just dosen't make sense.

There have been rumors that the two are in a relationship. The endearing looks and slight touches not going unnoticed by the media. Yet, with all the critics out there, they don't seem to mind much. Another thing Max can't seem to do. They seem happy just being in eachothers company.

Oscar is more of a mystery to him than the girl. She's made it her personal mission to be in his life. His habit of holding people at arms length is apparently intriguing to her. More specifically, him as a whole intruiges her.

Which is weird because she has a boyfriend already, right?

~

The girl throws herself onto the bed in the hotel room. The race was awful, and now she had successfully embarrassed herself at the stupid after party.

Oscar trails behind her. Laughing his ass off at her mishap earlier. He'd tried to stop himself, but it was honestly ridiculously funny.

"Stop laughing! I've just ruined everything!" She yells. Thought the sounds are muffled by her face being pressed into the bed.

"You haven't ruined everything. I don't even think he noticed." Oscar sits down next to her and runs his fingers along her back.

She'd come out to him not that long ago. He still remembers the anxious looks and fumble of words. The worry he would be disgusted with her or wouldn't understand evident.

It's not something he would have ever thought about for himself. But he could see why she would want that.

When he met her, she had the biggest heart. She had too much love for too many people, and it ended up getting her hurt during their time together in Formula 3 and 2. The worst part is that nobody seemed to understand her. Her past partners left her as soon as they thought she was getting too close with another person.

When she had told him, everything made sense. She seemed like she was stifling something in herself. All because she didn't want him to get upset with her.

He'd told her then that he didn't mind sharing her. Encouraged it even. It was nice to see someone with such a love for people.

They'd both agreed he'd be involved because she had a tendency to be used and taken advantage of. That was the last thing he wanted to happen, so he wanted to he involved. And what so bad about having more people around who love each other.

Then along came Max Verstappen.

Both of them had always been fascinated with him. Who would be? He's a world champion and holds records in the sport.

She fell hard through spending time with him. Being with redbulls' sister team meant they spent a good chunk of time together.

She was determined to figure him out and understand why he keeps everyone at a distance.

To say she is crushing hard is an understatment, and now she'd just outed herself to him. Tipsy with the alcohol in her system, she'd manage to spill that her love preferences extend further than one partner.

"I don't think he cares. I think he is drunk and won't remember come tomorrow morning."

She looks up at him with teary eyes. Her cheeks are still pink from her earlier drink she downed after the mishap.

"I know so." He reassures. "Now, do you want help getting ready for bed?"

"Yes please."

~

Max woke up with a major hangover. He'd gotten absolutely trashed last night.

He wasn't trashed, and he somehow managed to remember the events prior to him blacking out. The reason he thought he might need to.

Her. The girl who'd been getting close to him. The girl who made him conflicted about everything he knew.

Now his perspective has changed. He may have an actual white with her. But what about Oscar? Are they not together?

His head hurts too much for that.

He stumbles out of bed and attempts to find the advil. Then he clumsily gets a glass of water.

Should he text her? Should he call her? How is he supposed to approach this?

He needs to talk to someone about this. Lando is out of the picture because he's loose lipped. It's not his fault, but he'd rather not expose the girl he's interested in.

He pulls out his phone, wincing away from the bright light.

Daniel.

He pulls up his contact information and dials his number. Praying he answers and is coherent enough to help him get out of his head.

"Max? Hello?"

"Oh, sorry, are you free right now?"

"Yeah, I just got out of the shower and have zero plans for the day." He can hear the award winning smile on his face.

"I need you to explain something."

"Anything."

Max flops back on the bed and suddenly loses his words. "Do you know what polyamory is?"

"You mean having more than one partner, yeah?"

"I guess." Max inhales before continuing. "So let's say I like this girl but but she possibly has a boyfriend already. Then you find out she is all about having more than one partner, and now you realize you could have a shot but have no idea how to approach anything anymore." He's definitely word vomiting, but he prays Daniel got the idea.

"I think you need to talk to her... or them, I suppose."

The last suggestion he wanted was Daniel's first choice. The Dutch had never been good at communicating, and it's not like he'd had a good role model for it.

"You're right, I'll just try sending a text."

~

She woke up to Oscar making breakfeast. Her hangover isn't as bad as she thought it would be. Maybe she just can't hold her alcohol after three drinks?

The previous nights nightmare came flooding back to her, and she wanted to scream. Maybe Oscar is right, and he'll just forget it. One can only hope.

She reaches for her phone off the nightstand to check the time. Only, she's greeted with a message from the male in question.

She doesn't open it. She can't open it.

She bolts out of bed to Oscar. The nauseous feeling in the pit of her stomach making it uard to breath.

"Whoa, love, slow down." Oscar sets his arms around her in an embrace. Her panting pacing form now stuck with nowhere to go. "What's the matter?"

"He texted me."

"... and what did he say?"

She pauses. Technically, she didn't know if she had reason to panic yet. However, the thought of Max texting her now of all times makes her want to cry. "I don't know." She confesses into Oscar's t-shirt.

Oscar holds her close. His hand on the back of her head to pull her closer into him still. "Do you want me to open it?"

She shakes her head yes. The vulnerability makes her want to curl up in a ball. Oscar had been through this with her before. She left herself open to the world with too much love and empathy to give, and the world sought to take advantage.

He slips the phone out of her hand and opens the message. "He's not upset." He body goes rigid in his hold. "Actually, he wants to meet up to talk about things."

~

Oscar had seen her this panicked since she signed her Formula 1 contract. The excitement mixed with fear making for a mixture of responses that he helped her navigate.

She'd done the same for him when he signed his contract. The Alpine drama had been a mess, but she was there with him every step of the way.

Now he watches as Max awkwardly leans against the wall, y/n is pacing still, and the Australian is doing his best to mediate the situation.

The key words here are: doing his best.

"So, I'm confused. Are you two together?"

"Yes, we've been together for a little over a year now." Oscar smiles warmly at the ball of anxiety walking the length of the room.

Max hums in understanding. His eyes trail the girl for a moment before landing back on Oscar. "Is this normal for her?"

"In some ways, yes. But in her defense, the last time she was in this situation, it didn't end well. That's her story to tell, though." Oscar gets up from the chair and scoops up the pacing girl in his arms. He sets her down in her own chair and gets on his knees in front of her. "If this is too much, I will walk Max out the door, and we can figure it out from there."

She shakes her head no. She wants this, but the fear is taking hold in this moment, making it hard for her to get past the wall formed in her head. The one that stops her from making the same mistake as last time.

Max watches the two with endearment. The way Oscar is so gentle with her makes his heart melt. His longing for something similar to what the two have almost overwhelms him.

Finally, she gets her breath steadied and looks at Max. "I'm sorry for what happened last night."

"Don't apologize for that. It's not like you did anything wrong." He takes a gentle tone. Careful not to scare her away from him. "So you're... open to having more then one partner?"

She shakes her head yes, refusing to look him in the eyes. Oscar sets himself back in the chair and places a hand gently on her knee in reassurance. A calming reminder of his presence.

"And you like both me and Osacr?"

Again, she nods her head. She looks away like a child in trouble with their parents. It hurts both males for different reasons.

"I also like you." Max moves to then crouch in front of her. The usually confident racing driver is now shrinking into herself. The girl who was determined to break through the Dutchs shield is now struggling to let down her own. "You have this way of making me feel safe when I'm around you."

She left her eyes towards him. Not looking directly at him, but it was encouraging to the blonde nonetheless.

He looks at Oscar for approval. The Australian nods him along. "I think I'd be willing to try this if you'll both have me?"

It didn't dawn on Oscar that Max would want him involved. Shock flooding his system at the mention on it.

Their both looking at him. He didn't realize he was zoning out until she said his name. The first thing he'd heard from her since Max came into the room. "You want me involved? Like completely?" Q

She looks frantic again. A string of explanations falling from her lips incoherently. Trying to smooth over anything that could be misunderstood.

Oscar squeezes her knee to let her know he's not upset, just processing. "I'd like to be involved. With You two, I mean. I hadn't thought about it for myself, but I'd be willing to explore."

~

They spent more time together as the three of them. Going out or staying in, it didn't matter. Oscar felt himself falling into a pattern with them that he enjoys.

After everything that's happened in their own lives individually, they deserve just to have each other.

Next ->

[euphoricimagination]

Falling asleep on top of them

Feat. Kenma, Atsumu & Akaashi

Kenma

You were hanging out in Kenma’s place after his practice was over, something typical between the two of you. Kenma wasn’t a fan of going out, and while he did some exceptions for you – like going to the cinema or a cat café – he much rather stay inside. Not like you minded really, your relationship was super chill and you liked being with him.

Sometimes you two play together; sometimes he plays while you watch, always explaining the lore of the game; sometimes you two sit there doing homework together; and sometimes, like today, you were hugging him by the waist cuddling him while he plays on his console lazily.

“Babe look, the monster that I told you appeared” he says enthusiastically looking at the screen. He was explaining you the game just a few minutes ago, about how rare one of the monsters was. However, he only received silence, unusual from you. Even if you didn’t care about the game, you always responded “Babe?”

He looks down to his chest where he found, in his opinion, the most beautiful sight ever. You squishing your cheek on his chest with a soft smile, stirring slightly when you heard his voice. His eyes went wide before lowly shushing you back to sleep, not wanting to wake you up.

He quickly turn his console volume down, staying completely still while questioning what to do. Should he wake you up? No, that wasn’t a good idea, it was 21:46 and you were tired, definitely not because he loves the sight, not at all. So he did the only logical thing, the thing that he would do only for you.

He turn off his console before shooting a text to your mom saying that you would stay with him. After that was done he slowly move the both of you, ending up with him lying down in his bed with you cuddling even closer to him.

“Goodnight babe” says kissing your temple, turning his light off before hugging you back. He could use a good night of sleep anyway.

Atsumu

Being Inarizaki’s manager and Atsumu girlfriend was definitely exhausting, but everything was worthy at the end.

Today was a particularly long day, you had to wake up extra early to have a talk with the coach, two exams and now the guys practice was running longer than expected.

You were sitting in the gym floor when they decided to take a break, it was past the time they usually finish but none of them didn’t seem to care. Atsumu immediately coming to your side as soon as he could.

“Are ya okay angel? Ya have been awfully down today” he says sitting down next to you

“You noticed?”

“Of course I did, I’m yer boyfriend. What happened? Are ya tired?” you nod sleepily, closing your eyes while lying on his shoulder.

His eyes widen a little at the sudden movement. He was used to affection, he was always hugging you whenever he could, but usually it was him initiating skin ship. He pass his arm through your shoulders, pulling closer to his chest to hug you tightly.

He lets you accommodate yourself in his chest, which you gladly do despite the sweat, at this point you were used to it. He feels your breath even out, so he kisses the top of your head in hopes you can relax more.

He can’t help the feeling of proudness that starts rising in his chest. The fact that you feel so safe to fall asleep on him makes his shoulders rise to the sky; nobody has trusted him this much before.

“Atsumu, go back to pra-”

“Shh, coach, my baby sleeping” he interrupts him, right now he doesn’t even want to go back to practice “can I practice tomorrow? I don’t want to wake her up”

“… Sure” says the coach taken aback.

Miya Atsumu has never denied practice, but for you, he will do anything.

Akaashi

These past few days have been hectic to say the least, between helping around your own club, cheering your boyfriend in his practices and your classes. In fact, all of your classes were getting so much harder that your stress was going to the roof.

Right now you were sitting in the grass of the Fukurodani gardens next to your boyfriend. His practice was pushed until much later, so he decided to help you out studying to spend time with you.

After a few minutes you began to get fidgety, and Akaashi being Akaashi noticed right away.

“Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah, just tired. It has been a long few weeks”

“In that case let’s stop. Come here” with that he took your things away from you and slightly pull you towards his lap. You don’t try to fight him, you know that you have not chance of winning when he set his mind on something. Also, you get to lay in his lap, which doesn’t happen that often.

You soon find yourself relaxing in his legs, his hand running through your hair helping you immensely.

Akaashi’s plan was to let you relax for a few minutes, but he didn’t really expect you to fall asleep there; he didn’t knew you were that tired, if so he would have force to sleep a lot earlier. He looks down to you, noticing how you were hugging his leg tightly with a relax smile on. He can’t help to smile at seeing you before looking at his watch; he has a few more minutes before going to practice, he supposes he can let you relax. He leans down, pressing a light kiss in your forehead

“Sleep tight love”

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

Roommate Blues

Pairing: Dean Winchester x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary:  Reader is a grad student in college trying to work hard for her degree while maintaining a long distance relationship with Dean Winchester. But what happens when Dean isn't there? This is part two of my "Before You Go" series, but it can be read as a stand alone fic. (I'm so bad at summaries, please forgive me!)

Part One

Tropes: Angst, Fluff, Age Difference, (Reader is early to mid-20's and Dean is probably early 30's), Protective Dean, Established Relationship

Word Count: 7K (I have an addiction don't judge me)

Warnings: I'm going to label this 18+ just to be sure, because this fic contains attempted sexual assault/ dude being super creepy and sleazy. There is some swearing, mentions of sex (not explicit, but it's there), references to past sex, Dean might be a little bit OOC.

Note: This is told from Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal monologue is in italics and is in first person.

Masterlist

****************************************************

You dragged yourself through the front door of your apartment shaking rain from Dean’s oversized green coat that was wrapped around your shoulders and stomping your black rain boots on the welcome mat. He left it the last time he came to see you, a welcome surprise, given that it still smelled like him, but it made you miss him even more.

He hadn’t been by in a month, not for lack of trying. It seemed that every time he got ready to make the six hour drive from the bunker to your apartment, there would be an emergency, but you tried not to be disappointed. You understood that what he did was equally important if not more that what you were trying to accomplish at Med School. And at least Dean made an effort to keep your long distance relationship afloat. You remember before you got serious with him, when he wouldn’t call or text, just show up out of the blue and leave after a few days, breaking your heart every time. You were thankful those days were over.

Those days had been hard, when each day you hoped he would show up only to be disappointed, when you turned down dates from others because there was only one person in particular you were waiting for, when each time he showed up you felt your heart warm, and when each time he left you felt it sink in dismay. You hadn’t expected Dean to give in to an exclusive relationship when you gave him an ultimatum, but now 3 months in you were happier than you’d ever been.

Even if it was just long distance.

The late night phone calls, flirty texts, and the occasional picture kept you both in touch. Of course none of that could replace how you felt when Dean was with you. You missed waking up with him, watching a movie in bed, going out for pie, driving around in Baby and all the other wonderful things that you did with Dean.

But this was the deal you made when you started dating, a fact that you had to remind yourself of often. You wouldn’t make Dean feel bad about his job and you would finish school. When you graduated you could think about moving closer to him, but until then you were stuck. And missing Dean.

“Hey y/n!” Your roommate, Suze, crows from the couch as you enter the living room.

Something animated plays on the tv, bathing the room in brilliant white and blue light, but when you raise your eyes from the mat to look at her, you’re surprised to see that she’s not alone, her boyfriend Cooper sits next to her, his arm thrown around her shoulders.

You try to not look disappointed. Cooper and Suze had been dating on and off for a few months, and you always tried your best to either stay in your room or out of the apartment when he was there. It wasn’t that he was mean to you, it was that sometimes he made you uncomfortable. Like the time he “accidentally” walked into your room while you were getting changed and proclaimed that he didn’t know where the bathroom was, as if finding it in a two bedroom apartment required a masters degree, or like the time Suze left early for work and Cooper asked you to go to dinner with him or like right now when he traced his brown eyes up and down you form as if trying to see through your clothes.

You shudder into the jacket, thankful that it was bulky enough to cover your body.

“Hey Suze. Cooper.” Your smile is more tight lipped than you want it to be. “I didn’t know you were coming over.”

You hadn’t told Suze. Yes you were roommates, but sometimes it felt more convenience than friendship.  You both didn’t go out of your way to spend time together. Another reason why you were looking forward to moving out after graduation to start your residency.

“Well I didn’t want to stay away from my girl for too long.” His hand raises from her bicep to rest directly between her collar bones, closer than you would have liked to her chest.

The urge to vomit rises in the back of your throat.

I mean, Dean is handsy sometimes, but not in a creepy way. At least he doesn’t make eye contact with someone else when his hands drift. Dean's usually looking at me. You think to yourself with a frown.

“Uh-huh. Well, I’m just gonna go-uh- study.” You lie.

“Didn’t you have a test today?” Suze leans further into his touch making you even more uncomfortable.

“Yeah, but I don’t want to get behind, plus Dean is coming this weekend and I don’t want to have to study the whole time he's here-"

“Hasn’t he cancelled on you the last few times?” Cooper asks.

You blink. Why did he remember that?

“Yeah. Family emergency.” It was the excuse you always used when someone asked you why Dean couldn't make it.

“What is it this time? His mom has a cold or something?" Cooper chuckles at his joke. "Kinda sounds like he’s with someone else and he doesn’t want to be here with you.” He shrugs. “Maybe you should break it off with him, consider your other options." Cooper's smirk turns into more of a sideways grin that makes your stomach turn in knots.

“I'm good.” You say as monotone as possible, lips pulling down into a frown.

You turn and walk down the dark hallway, thankful that Dean's jacket is big enough to hide your figure.

As soon as the lock on your bedroom door clicks, you fall onto the bed face first with a loud groan, dropping your backpack along the way.

Your room was small, smaller when Dean stayed, but you always welcomed that. When he was here it felt more like home and less like a way station. The mediocre study-sleep-eat-work cycle was becoming a mantra and it seemed that the only time you were actually in your apartment was to sleep or change

There was that one time when I camped out in the library. You think to yourself remembering exam week.

It was 24/7 and you stayed after your shift to study for exams but nodded off. Dean had been mad about that though, upset that you slept in a public space where anyone or anything could have walked in. You thought that it was hypocritical for him to condemn your sleep schedule when you knew for a fact he went days without sleep.

Plus it was easier to sleep in the library instead of making the trek in the morning.

You sit up to look around the room. It was small, just big enough to fit a full-sized bed in, the thought made you smile. Dean barely fit in the bed, he was too tall and broad, and each time he would groan about how Baby’s backseat was ten times bigger and that you both might as well go sleep in there. However, you knew he secretly liked how small the bed was. The small size of the bed meant that you had to practically sleep on top of him, and Dean was not one to complain about cuddling. He often coaxed you into bed to study instead of at your cluttered desk because it meant you used him as a pillow while he watched tv and you tried to understand Metabolic Pathways and commit anatomical structures to heart.

Of course Dean always made the joke that he could help you study anatomy more than a dusty old textbook could. Your cheeks redden thinking about the last time he helped you “study.” It had been beneficial, but you didn’t need to have the memory of what you did to study distract you from the test questions. But what a wonderful distraction it was. The proctor of the exam had asked if you were okay because you looked a little flushed. Dean of course thought it was hilarious when you told him after he picked you up.

The room served its purpose. It had a small desk in the corner covered in textbooks and papers, a small closet, a cassette tape player that Dean bought you so you could listen to mixtapes he made, the ones he brought whenever he’d come visit with ridiculous names scribbled over the label and the ones you’d listen to when you missed him the most, and a dresser that was spilling clothes out of the drawers with a small T.V sitting on top. A purchase that happened after you started dating because it meant that Dean and you did not have to sit in the living room on the couch to enjoy a movie together.

You turn over on your back and fish your cellphone out of the deep pockets of the jacket, before calling Dean.

"Hey Sweetheart, how was the big test?" Dean’s voice washes away any sour feelings you have from interacting with Cooper.

“Harrowing.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.”

“It was 156 questions.”

“Shit.”

"It’s okay, but my brain feels like mush." You groan pressing your fingers to your temple.

“Don’t joke about that. Sam knew a guy that died from mushy brain syndrome.”

“I don’t think that’s a thing.”

“Oh I’m pretty sure it’s like Mad Cow-“

“I haven’t ingested human flesh recently so the possibility of me having that is low.“

“If you ever do let me know, because that could be any number of things.”

“I don’t know. I think if I told you I’d suddenly developed a craving for human flesh, you’d shoot me. I’d rather just keep it under wraps and hope that I didn’t eat you by accident.”

“I’m sure I’d be delicious.”

“Dean!” You snort.

“What? You were thinking it.” You can practically hear the smirk in his voice. “I also wouldn’t shoot you.” He laughs.

The laugh is enough to make your heart jump and buckle in your chest followed by a wave of loneliness.

I miss him. You think to yourself as you burrow further into the jacket with a sigh, and reach for a pillow to hold against your chest, wishing that it was him. “Oh right, you’d make Sam do it.”

“No. I’d lock you up and have Cas deal with it. Work some of that angel magic shit or whatever.”

“How are they?”

You had met Sam a few times and Cas only once. Learning that he was an angel was a bit of a shock. Despite listening to Dean's stories, sometimes you wished he was kidding about there being another world of dangerous supernatural creatures.

But you thought that Cas was sweet.

 Your cheeks flush with embarrassment remembering the first time you met Cas, when Dean was undressing you in his bedroom and Cas teleported in because he forgot about normal things like knocking. Dean couldn’t stop laughing at you when you fell off the bed with a squeal at Cas’s appearance.

Of course he laughed. He wasn’t the one who was naked. And he wasn’t the one who had to have the awkward conversation with Cas later about the importance of knocking.

“Sam’s geeking out as usual, and Cas is-“ Dean pauses. “I don’t actually know where he is.”

“Did you lose him?” You laugh into the phone.

“No I think he said he had something he had to take care of. I wasn’t paying attention.”

“You really have to work on those listening skills babe. So, what’s the monster of the day?”

“Sam thinks Vampires.”

“Well he’s usually right.”

“Don’t tell him that. It’ll go to his head.”

You hear a metallic clink in the background and imagine Dean standing at the back of Baby, sorting through the arsenal of weapons.

There are so many red flags that I choose to ignore about this man. You think to yourself. The trunk of Dean's car was probably the biggest red flag, or it would be if you didn't know what Dean did for a living.

“I’m sure Sam already knows but let me text him real quick.”

“Y/n.”

“Please be careful.” You sigh tightening your grip on the phone. Trying not to worry about Dean was hard given the family history and his stories about what had happened to him already. The thought of one day getting a call from Sam to tell you that Dean was dead haunted you.

"I'm always-" Dean begins to say.

"No. No you're not."

"I am."

"Dean."

"I'm careful enough."

At least it’s only vampires. You reason to yourself with a sigh. I can't believe that's something I've ever thought.

You hated it when Dean told you about some of the worse creatures out there, hated everything that he had been through over the years. But vampires were easier, you guessed, or at least he never seemed to be too worried about vampires.

He will be fine. He's with Sam. Sam knows what he's doing, Cas will probably show up and help.

The sound of your roommate and her boyfriend watching T.V bleeds through the thin walls. Cooper mumbles something to Suze that makes her giggle.

Why can’t they just leave?

"I can hear your frown on the phone. What's wrong?" Dean asks.

“Um." You bite the inside of your cheek to avoid saying what's on your mind. You and Dean had never talked about Cooper before. Dean knew that Suze was "dating" someone, but he had never met him.

"Y/n? You still there doll?"

"Well, my roommate's boyfriend is here and there are thin walls." You begin slowly.

"Oh so you get a front row seat to all the reunion sex." Dean laughs. “Probably payback for whenever I stay with you.”

He thinks he’s so clever.

Your cheeks flush bright red. "Well yes, but at least we try to be quiet. They’re really loud." You press your lips together in a tight line, briefly wondering where your noise canceling headphones are. "But, it’s not funny. He's kinda creepy-"

"What?" Dean's tone changes from flirty to serious. "What do you mean?"

"I don't know he's-" You shrug as if he can see it. "He's okay."

"You're gonna need to give me more detail that that sweetheart,"

Dean's silver ring warms between your thumb and forefinger as you bite your lip. You had begun wearing it around your neck on a chain. It was comforting, a reminder of the promise he made to you 3 months ago that he hadn't broken.

"Well, the last time he was here I kinda thought he was coming on to me." You confess.

"What?"

"I mean, Suze had just left for work and he asked me if I wanted to get something to eat. But it kinda felt like he was asking me out. And then there was this other time when he walked in while I was changing-"  You shut yout eyes, waiting for Dean's response.

“He came into your room while you were changing?” You can hear the clench of Dean’s jaw in his voice.

Dean was always fiercely protective of you, a trait that you had never found attractive until you met him. It made you unafraid when you went out late to a bar together or when he sat with you in the library in the middle of the night, or when you went on a pizza run at 2 am. Knowing that Dean was there made you fearless in the best way.

“He made a mistake and he apologized.” You wave a hand in front of you as if trying to brush away the thought. “Plus he’ll be gone in a few days and then you’ll be here. You are still coming this weekend right?"

You think about the sneer and the taunt Cooper gave you when you got home about Dean blowing you off. You knew that Dean wasn’t cheating. Sure he was flirty, but you trusted him. If anything Dean probably worried more about you cheating, but you wouldn’t do that to him, couldn’t do that to him, not after everything he’d been through.  You couldn’t imagine yourself with anyone else, didn’t want to. Perhaps that scared you a little, how much you needed him. You’d never needed anybody else before.

"Yes. I’m only two states away and I promise I’m going to make it this time.” The plea for understanding is clear in his voice. “I’m sorry about last time-“

“You don’t have to apologize, I understand. I really miss you though. I wore your jacket today but it doesn’t smell enough like you anymore.”

“You’re weird.”

“You love it.”

“Yes I do.” His voice is softer when he says it, sending pins and needles across your skin. “Did you eat today?” Dean's voice is tinged with worry.

He knew your tendency to forget something like that, especially when you were studying or stressed about a test. Whenever he’d visit, Dean always showed up with food and a bag of snacks that he shoved into your room by your desk so you would remember to eat something when he wasn’t there. It was the question he always asked you because he knew that no matter how intrenched you were in studying it would be enough to pull out of the hole and send you into the kitchen.

“Not yet.”

“Doll-“

“I know. I’ll go out and get something in a bit.” You fiddle with the ring.

“I’d feel better if you ate something now.” Dean says.

“It’s okay I just forgot-“

“Y/n.” He sighs your name, but you still love the way it sounds.

“I know. I’ll wait until Cooper and Suze leave, they’re still watching T.V. I don’t really want to walk out there again.” You press your lips together in a tight line remembering his eyes on you and what he said about considering your options.

Yeah, not going to mention THAT to Dean.

Dean doesn’t say anything for a second. “Who is this guy again?”

“Someone she met at a frat party forever ago. Basically on and off fuck buddy until something better comes around. At least for him anyway.” You remember the last time they broke up and what a mess Suze was. It had made you feel guilty enough to sit with her one night and watch a few rom coms and hold a box of tissues.

No one should go through a break up alone.

“Uh-huh.”

“I don’t know he’s just kinda creepy. Sometimes I think he’s staring at me or whatever. Maybe I’m paranoid.”

“You should go to the bunker for a few days-“ Dean begins to say.

“I’ve got class- plus it’s nothing I can’t handle.”

“Y/n, I don’t want you staying there with him.”

“Come on it was you that taught me a few maneuvers to get someone to back off.” Your smile turns more into a smirk. “I actually remember you teaching me a few other things too, but I don’t remember those being used to push someone away. I remember those things being better when you’re really close to someone. Might need a refresh when you get here, as I recall I was a good student, very eager to learn.”

“Don’t tease me right now. I really miss you. It’s been too long.” Dean groans into the phone.

“I know. I miss you too. But you’ll be here in a few days and my brain will no longer be mushy and I’ll be all yours.”

“Can’t wait.”

"Be careful."

"I will."

"Tell Sam and Cas I say hi."

"Okay. Text me when you go to bed and please get something to eat.”

"Okay. I will."

"Bye Sweetheart."

"Bye Dean."

When you hang up you feel the weight settle in the pit of your stomach again.

All I have to do is last til the weekend. 3 days, more like 2 1/2 because Dean will be here on Friday. You think to yourself with a sigh.

You lay on your back for a minute thinking about what you planned for the weekend. There was a vintage car show happening only an hour away and knew that Dean would not want to miss that, especially if it meant showing off Baby and spending time with you. When you first started dating officially, Dean had taken you to one a few states over, and had been surprised when he realized you knew almost as much about cars as he did.  Your dad’s obsession with them lead to a childhood of car shows and junkyards and meant you had a healthy dose of car knowledge. You probably would have been a mechanical engineer if you hadn’t liked medicine more.

But then that meant you never would have met Dean. You wouldn’t have been living at the apartment where he collapsed in the hallway with jagged scratches up his chest and a bite mark on his shoulder.  That meant that you wouldn’t have dragged a complete stranger inside and treated his wounds while he complained like a baby and lied about how he got them.

Dean never got better at lying to you. You smile at the memory that's quickly followed by the one of when he chose you. However, you didn’t know that he had chosen you the day that a complete stranger pulled him into their apartment and began to take care of him better than anyone ever had.

The sound of Cooper and Suze laughing pulls you out of your head for a second and brings the weight back down on your stomach.

You just had to survive to the weekend. How hard could it be?

****************************************

The next two days trickle by. Another test rears it's ugly head, a pop quiz darkens your doorstep, and an overnight shift at the library causes you to drag your feet all over campus. But you welcome it. It meant that you weren't in the apartment long enough to be around Cooper. A welcome bonus to having a busy week, because you couldn't find your noise cancelling headphones and one night was enough.

Dean hadn't been able to call, only text you to let you know that he was still coming and that he was alive. It wasn't the same as hearing his voice.

But you made it to Thursday night, that meant that you would be seeing Dean in less than 24 hours and the anticipation was killing you. You could hardly wait to see him, wished that you could sleep through the next few hours and wake up with Dean.

The apartment is quiet when you creep into the kitchen for a late-night snack, quiet enough that you figured Suze and Cooper had gone to bed a while ago. You couldn't figure out why he was still here. He did not often sleep over, usually Cooper would stay for a few hours and then high tail it to whatever rock he crawled out from under.

The kitchen was small, divided from the living room by a large bar bolted to the ground that ran from one wall and jutted out into the beginning of the hallway that led to your room. It meant that there was only one way in and out of the kitchen, past the refrigerator. Suze's room was directly across from the living room and the front door while yours was further back in the apartment down the dark hallway that also held the bathroom.

You stand up on your toes to reach into the cabinet for the peanut butter. Suze was taller than you and often forgot to leave it on a lower shelf, despite all the times you reminded her.

Come on. Your hand finally closes around the jar-

"Hey." A voice says behind you.

You jump up and hit your head on the cabinet door. "Ow." You groan turning around with the peanut butter jar in your hand, and rubbing the bump with your other one.

Cooper is leaning against the refrigerator door shirtless, wearing a pair of dark boxers that are slung low on his hips. His appearance makes the warm feeling of excitement that you have over seeing Dean so soon fizzle up and die.

I don't have time for this right now.

"Cooper. I didn’t see you. Um- where’s Suze?" You keep your voice even as you look away to get a butter knife in the drawer to your left.

Maybe he'll just go away. You hoped, but honestly you knew it was wishful thinking.

"She’s asleep." Cooper runs a hand through his reddish hair to push it back from his face.

"Oh. Did you need something?" You continue to act like you don't care that he's there, when it's taking all your willpower not to go back to your room. You don't like how dark it is in the kitchen, or the way that his eyes keep tracing your frame. It wasn't that you were wearing anything revealing, you were wearing one of Dean's soft t-shirts that hung past your waist and a pair of gray sweatpants.

But under his gaze you felt, naked.

"I just thought that I’d come talk to you." He sounds casual, nonchalant.

"Why?" You spread peanut butter over the piece of bread before moving it back towards the jar.

"Well, I thought we should talk about us."

Your knife stops halfway in its path. "Us?"

"Come on. It’s obvious that you’re into me."

"What?" You look up at him, face scrunching in confusion.

What the hell is he talking about? You think about all the times you left the room immediately when he walked in, and think about whenever he tried to start a conversation and you smiled tightly and nodded before coming up with an excuse to leave. When have I ever acted like I was into him? If anything I've made it painfully obvious that I don't like him.

Cooper is watching you with the same smirk he had two days ago when he asked you to consider your options. "You’ve been avoiding me because you can’t stand to see Suze and me together."

"No I haven't."

"You have." He smirks wider. "But it's okay. I get it."

"Get what?"

"I get why you're into me. Everyone is."

"I'm not." Your mouth turns downward into a frown.

You don’t have to pretend.” He traces his eyes up and down your body once more, causing a shudder to travel down your spine. “Because I’m into you too.”

“Cooper-“ You breathe, hand tightening on the knife in your hand that is still frozen in the air in front of you.

The temperature in the room seems to have dropped fifty degrees.

“Don’t try to deny it. You always get that cute little flush in your cheeks when you see me.”

“I don’t.”

How many times do I have to say no to this idiot? Is he really that stupid? You wonder to yourself.

“Sure you do. It’s adorable.” Cooper rolls off the refrigerator to take a step into the kitchen. “And I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?”

“Sorry that guy Dean is jerking you around. I’d never do something like that.” His eyes flash in the dim light coming from one of the lamps in the living room.

“He’s not jerking me around-“

“He keeps disappointing you. Let me make you feel better.” Cooper puts his hand on the edge of the bar. He’s still a good 4 feet away, but it’s enough to block you in.

If you wanted to leave the kitchen, you’d have to push past him. And the thought of you touching him or him touching you sends another shiver down your spine.

“Look Cooper. I’m not into you. And as for Dean, our relationship is none of your business-“

“Some relationship. He comes up with those stupid family emergency excuses and ditches you. Do you have any idea what I’d do to you if you were all mine? I’d never leave you ever-“

His confession makes the disgust come roaring back through your chest, followed by the sour taste of bile when you think about what's going to have to happen if he doesn't move out of your way.

You take in a deep breath, standing tall to face him. "But I’m not yours, and I don't want to be yours ever. I’m saying no. No to whatever warped reality you’ve come up with in your head. No to you and me doing anything further. No to me being into you." Your eyes narrow. "And that means two things can happen: one, you go back in that room with your girlfriend or two, we’re going to have a problem. Honestly,  I hope you pick door number one because I’m really tired.” Your hand tightens on the knife.

The truth was you weren’t afraid, more disgusted. If you screamed loud enough Suze would hear you and you also still had a knife in your hand hovering between the two of you. It was more the principle of what was happening that was disturbing, his inability to listen to you, to hear you say no.

“Well I think a know a few ways to wake you up baby.”

"I'm not your baby." You snap.

"You could be-"

"Hard pass."

"Aww come on don’t be like that. We both know you want me." Cooper moves forward a step dragging his hand along the counter.

You back up so that the drawers are biting into your back, knife covered in peanut butter clutched in your hand.

Just because you had taken an oath to heal people didn’t mean you were going to let him walk all over you.

"How many times do I have to say no?” You shout, not caring if you wake up Suze, not caring if you wake up the whole damn apartment building.

"Come on it’s been a while for you hasn’t it? That guy Dean’s been stringing you along, hasn’t been taking care of you. I bet he's selfish, doesn’t take care of your needs. You’re saying no to me for him? I guarantee even a few minutes with me will be well worth it. I bet you I can make you feel things that guy can’t.” He takes another step forward so that you’re almost chest to chest. “So why don’t we go back to your room and I’ll-“

Cooper’s body is yanked backward through the air so fast you get whiplash, cutting off his next words.

What the-

Someone is standing there, hand on Cooper’s throat, pinning him to the black refrigerator so tight against the metal that you’re sure it'll leave a dent. The magnets scatter at the feet of the two men, clattering against the floor sharply.

“She said no asshole.” Dean’s low growl vibrates through his chest and you realize the figure towering over Cooper is your boyfriend.

Your wonderful, sweet boyfriend, who told you he was going to be here in the morning, but wanted to surprise you. Relief courses through your veins at his appearance and you let out a shaky breath to compose yourself.

Dean towers over Cooper, who isn’t tall enough to look over his broad shoulders, let alone be as intimidating as Dean. Cooper's gangly frame and short stature made him look like a hobbit compared to Dean's muscular and tall body.

The heat of Dean’s anger burns through the air of the small kitchen as his eyes narrow, staring Cooper down with pure hatred.

“What the hell? Who are you?” Cooper sputters, clawing at Dean’s grip, but Dean doesn’t move. Scarier still is the fact that Dean is acting like Cooper weighs nothing at all, holding him a foot in the air so he can look into Dean's rage filled gaze.

"Cooper, this is Dean, my boyfriend." You say, finding your voice. "The guy that you said has been 'jerking me around.'" You form air quotes around the words. "Maybe you'd like to discuss our relationship with us, since you have so many interesting suggestions."

Cooper's eyes widen when he realizes who Dean is. "Whoa wait a minute I didn't do anything!"

You'd only seen Dean lose it once before, when you were at a bar late and a guy shoved you out of the way to get a drink at the bar. Dean broke his pinky on the guy's face, but he had looked so good doing it. You told him so as you set his pinky later.

Cooper gasps. "I didn't touch her-"

“What you did was enough.” Dean's face is contorted in fury.

“Wait a minute, come on. She’s acting like a fucking tease! You’re never here, she’s always prancing around in these little outfits-“ Cooper lies, grasping at whatever he can to save his own skin.

“Not her style.”

"Please I didn't know you were here-" Cooper twists his body with his plea, but Dean doesn't let go.

"Even if I wasn't, it doesn't give you the right to touch her." Dean spits.

“Cooper?” You turn your head towards the voice and notice Suze standing in the doorway of her bedroom with wide eyes. Her gaze traces over Dean. “What happened?”

“Hey baby.” Cooper smiles at her, his eyes still wide. “We just had a little disagreement that’s all-“ His hands find purchase against the front of Dean's red flannel shirt.

“A little disagreement?” Dean seethes. “Your asshole of a boyfriend was coming on to my girl.” His hand tightens on Cooper’s neck.

“What?” Suze looks Cooper wide eyed before looking at you. "Is that true?"

"Yes." You say gesturing with the peanut butter knife that you forgot was in your hand, before you place it down on the counter, no longer needing it.

Dean's got this.

"Baby come on." Cooper looks at Suze. "Do you think I would do something like that?"

Suze stands there for a minute looking from Dean, to Cooper, to me. "I don’t know.”

“You know me-“ Cooper smiles despite the situation, hoping that she can get Dean to back off. “You know I love you. You think I would throw you away just because a slut like her comes on to me-“

It’s enough for Dean. The sharp crack of Cooper’s nose breaking beneath Dean’s fist fills you with an ungodly amount of pleasure.

Suze's scream pierces the air as she watches the blood begin to flow down Cooper’s chin and onto his bare chest.

“If you ever talk to her, look at her, or try to touch her again,” Deans voice is a growl. “I’ll break more than just your nose.” He drops Cooper, who slides to the floor holding his broken nose.

Dean then grabs your arm and hauls you through the kitchen and into your bedroom, ignoring the string of curses that pour from Cooper’s mouth.

As soon as the door of your bedroom closes behind you, Dean pulls you against him. You can’t help but melt into his warm embrace, the disgusting feeling that rose with Cooper’s attempts to get you in bed fading away.

"Are you okay?" Dean's voice is tight with the force of his anger, but one of his hands moves up and down your back in a soothing motion.

"Yeah." You breathe, cuddling further into his chest.

The smell of leather, metal, and something spicy that you ascribe to your boyfriend makes the hole that opened in you while he was away close. It soothes whatever residual anxiety you had over what almost happened in the kitchen. You rub your face against his warm flannel with a smile, but when you turn your gaze upwards, you realize that Dean isn’t staring down at you like you thought he would be, he’s staring at the door. You can hear Suze and Cooper shouting at one another and it's quickly followed by the slam of the front door that you hope means that Cooper is gone and wouldn't come back ever.

“Dean?” You whisper.

“I should go out there and tear his fucking head off." Dean growls, tightening his grip on your waist.

"Hey. It's okay-"

"No it's not." Dean spits looking down at you. "Nothing that just happened is okay."

"I know." You soothe. "But it's okay. You handled it. I'm pretty sure that Cooper is never going to bother me again-"

"If he ever shows up here. I don't care if you have classes or a test, you call me immediately and come to the bunker. I don't want you here with him." Dean says, his green eyes piercing. "Promise me."

Dean knew better than anyone that you never broke your promises, no matter how big they seemed.

"I promise."

"Okay." Dean's jaw is still tight, but the tension in his shoulders loosens for a second when he looks at you, until finally he sighs. "I missed you." Dean's thumb brushes against your cheek.

"I missed you too. It was such a nice surprise for you to come early." You smile at him, before arching upwards to kiss him, but as soon as your lips meet, Dean winces, his right hand tightening subconsciously on your waist.

"Ow." He hisses, face scrunching up.

"Dean what's wrong?" Your eyes widen with worry. You reach up to cup his cheek, but Dean makes a face leaning away from your touch.

"Vampire got a few lucky hits in." Dean groans.

"What?" You turn on the lamp on your bedside table.

Both the kitchen and your room had been dark enough to hide the discoloration and swelling of Dean's face, but now that he was in the light you understood why he moved away from your touch. As soon as you turn back to look at him, your mouth drops open noting the split lip, the ugly purple bruise that circles his right eye, and the swelling of his jaw. "Dean!"

"I'm okay sweetheart." He tries to smile, but his lip twitches.

"Where else does it hurt?" You ask him gently touching his face where the skin is bruised.

"Just my ribs-"

You immediately grab the bottom of his shirt, pulling it up and off him with a gasp when you see what's underneath.

"Little eager aren't you doll?" Dean tries to laugh, but winces with the movement.

Black and blue marks mar the muscular skin of his abdomen and curve around the right side of his rib cage in a sickening pattern.

"Oh Dean." You whisper, heart breaking for him when you imagine how much this must have hurt.

"I'm okay baby." He says again, thumb stroking against your waist. "You just gotta be gentle with me tonight."

"You might have a broken rib or a perforated lung-"

"Y/n." Dean sighs. "I'm okay."

"This is more than a few lucky hits." You pull yourself reluctantly from his grasp and walk around him to see his back, following the black and blue trail with your gaze. "THAT’S A BOOT PRINT!"

"Don't shout-"

"What happened to being careful?" You whisper yell looking up into his eyes.

"I was. They ambushed us." He shrugs, but winces again.

"Is Sam okay? Cas?"

If Dean looks this bad what about the others?

"I got the worst of it." Dean half-smiles, but you don't like the way his lip twitches when he does.

You wonder how much pain he was in when he pinned Cooper to the fridge, how much of it he was willing to ignore because you were in danger. The thought warms your heart. He was willing to endure the pain if it meant protecting you.

“Stay here. I’m going to get you some ice-“ You turn towards the bedroom door, but Dean blocks your exit.

“You’re not going back out there.”

“You need ice.”

“Don’t care.”

“Dean-“

“I promise it doesn’t hurt that bad.” His hands find your waist again. “I missed you.” Dean says again.

"I missed you too." You can’t help but smile back moving to hug him, but you stop when he winces. “Dean-“

“I’m fine.” He leans down to kiss you but groans in pain as soon as your lips brush against his. Dean sighs, pressing his forehead against yours. “This is not how I wanted tonight to go."

“And how exactly did you want it to go?” You smirk up at him.

“Well for starters I didn’t want it to begin with that asshole trying to-“ Dean’s jaw clenches so tight together that you’re afraid he’s going to hurt himself. His eyes darken with anger, as he remembers what almost happened in the kitchen.

“Dean I’m okay.” You whisper again. "But thank you. It means more to me to know that you were hurt and yet you were still in there protecting me." Your hand traces over his chest as soft as you can without hurting him.

"I'll always protect you." Dean presses his forehead against yours. "I didn't like the way you sounded on the phone the other day and I wanted to come see you early, didn't want to leave you with him alone."

"Thank you. I'm glad you came when you did." You kiss him on the neck, because it's the only place that you can without hurting him.

Dean sighs. "I can't believe those damn vampires jumped me. I've really missed you." He puts his head on your shoulder, crumbling into you with a sigh.

You sink into the warmth that comes from his body, dragging your hands through his hair while he tightens his arms around your waist with a groan.

"Baby is it okay if we just go to bed? I know that you wanted to-" Dean trails off, mumbling into your shirt.

"Yes it's okay if we just go to bed." You laugh. "I care more about you having broken ribs or a concussion than having sex with you."

"Really? Because we could try-"

“No. I don't want to hurt you, plus I'm also kind of tired. I had a long few days." You soothe. Your hands continue to slip through his hair. "But if you're not going to let me get you some ice, please at least take some Tylenol.”

"Fine." Dean grumbles into your shoulder.

When he falls asleep, you stay up and watch the gentle way his breath moves through his chest and watch how the wear fades from his face leaving him years younger. Worry still tugs at your heart as you examine the bruises and discoloration of his face and you stop yourself from dragging a fingertip over his features for fear of hurting him. Instead, you tuck the covers up around him, settling against him. His arm tightens around your waist in his sleep, pulling you tighter against his bare chest with a sigh. And as you curl into his chest you forget the events of the night and allow yourself to be lost in feel of his heartbeat against your hand and the soft sound of Dean's breath.

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