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bestillmyslashyheart · 5 years

Text

The Red Name pt 4

part one || part two || part three

The bed was cold when Michael woke up. The sun was high in the sky and Alex was long gone. All that was left in the whole cabin were the sheets on the bed and Michael’s phone on Alex’s pillow. The notification light was blinking and Michael already didn’t care about what anyone had to say to him right now.

He unlocked it anyway when he saw the new email icon. He never got emails.

It was from Alex.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

We should’ve talked. That was always our problem, if we’re honest. Too much sex and not enough talking.

I’m glad we didn’t though. You were right, we’d just make each other sad and angry and that’s not how I wanted to spend my last night with you. Because that’s what it was. Regardless of what happens on my deployment, we both know this thing between us is in the past and it’s time I gave up and moved on like you’ve managed to do.

Over the last two years I wrote you a lot of emails. Basically whenever I wanted to talk to you but couldn’t I’d write an email. I’m not sure why I’m doing this now but I just sent all of them to you. You can read them or delete them, it’s up to you, I guess.

I love you. That hasn’t changed and it never will.

Goodbye Michael.

Michael blinked away the sudden tears that sprung to his eyes. For all that he’d shoved Alex away over the last few years and flaunted the fact that he could move on, Alex telling him goodbye broke his heart. Michael wasn’t sure how they’d gotten to this point. It felt like one thing after another just piled on until there was no hope left. He wanted to fix it, even when he’d been with Maria part of him had wanted to fix it, he just didn’t know how. And now it was too late.

Rereading the email, he spotted the part about new emails and quickly exited out of that one. And there they were. Michael scrolled down to find the oldest one but it was impossible to tell. They didn’t seem to be in any particular order so he just clicked one and then another and then another.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I saw you at the Pony today. You looked like shit. Have you been sleeping? Eating? Or are you just existing on alcohol and acetone?

I hope it’s making you feel better because it’s not helping anyone. Not your sister, who really needs you right now by the way, not me, not Maria, and certainly not Max.

I wish you’d let me help you.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You drive me crazy sometimes you know that? First, you want nothing to do with me or Project Shepherd. And now it’s all you care about. Well, Project Shepherd at least. You still don’t seem to want anything to do with me.

Am I suddenly that repulsive to you? Because of my father? Fuck him. Seriously, Guerin, fuck. him. Don’t let him do this to us.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You could’ve at least done me the courtesy of telling me you were dating Maria instead of letting me find out by walking in on you two.

Fuck you Michael

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You need to pull yourself together. Your sister is drowning and she needs you and you don’t even notice. Liz and I should not be the ones keeping her afloat. She needs her brother, dammit.

If only I could get you to stay in the same room as me for longer than 2 seconds

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I can’t decide if you’re oblivious or stupid or just plain cruel

I get it, okay. You moved on. You’re happy. I’m happy you’re happy but I really don’t need a front row seat to you sticking your tongue down someone else’s throat okay? Would it kill you to cool it on the pda?

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Max is back. You weren’t there.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I’m drunk. I shouldn’t bother with this it’s not like you’re going to read it anyway but I’m drunk and I’m lonely and it’s my birthday

Ten years apart and you never missed my birthday but now that I’m back you can’t be bothered? I want to be mad at you but I’m too sad to be mad

What did I do wrong Michael? Why are you doing this?

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You ever throw something anywhere near the vicinity of Maria again and I swear to god I will knock you on your ass

Don’t touch her. Don’t even get close. I don’t give a shit how drunk you are

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

It’s the anniversary of Caulfield and I don’t want you to be alone but you won’t let me near you

I hope you told Maria what day it is or Isobel or someone. I hope you’re not alone.

I’m sorry

I’m so sorry Michael

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You look happy

I miss you

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I never thought of us as having an anniversary, not really, but if we had one it would be today

I was ready, Michael. I was fucking ready dammit. Why’d you have to pick then to finally be the one to walk away? I mean I know I deserved it after all the times I left you but your timing sucks.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I got my new posting. Also got new orders to deploy. I’m leaving Roswell and I don’t think I’m coming back this time

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You came by today. I’m pretty sure it's the first time you’ve been out here since you told me in no uncertain terms that we were done. You wanted more info on Project Shepherd, on the Alighting that Noah mentioned. You could barely look me in the eyes. It was like I was just a colleague and not even one you particularly liked that much and it hurt.

I get that we’re never going to be together but why can’t we be friends? Is it really that impossible? We’re either fucking or not looking each other in the eye? No in between? That’s bullshit

Why do you get to decide everything? When do I get a say in this? What if I want more? Do you even care what I want?

Don’t answer that. It’s pretty fucking obvious you don’t.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I had lunch with Liz and Rosa and Maria today. It was awkward and painful. I’ve never hated you before but I think I hate you for fucking up my friendship with Maria. She was all I had for years and now it’s ruined because of you

Be happy with her. Make it worth it

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

It’s not your fault. Me and Maria I mean. We fucked that up all on our own and neither one of us have really tried to fix it. You played a part, yeah, but don’t blame yourself for this too. You put too much on yourself already, you shouldn’t add this to it

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You make a beautiful couple

Better than we ever did. Not that we were ever a couple. Not like you and Maria

We wouldn’t have worked right? That’s why you left? Because we would’ve crashed and burned?

Merry Christmas Michael

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

For someone who got angry every time I mentioned the Air Force you really didn’t seem to care that I re-upped. I don’t know what to make of that.

I’m going to protect you Michael, I promise. My father will never get his hands on you or your family ever again.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Why can’t I get over you? I’ve tried fucking other guys, dating other guys, it doesn’t matter.

I’ve never been able to get over you. I don’t know why I thought now would be any different.

All I want is you. All I’ve ever wanted is you.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Full disclosure - I’ve had a lot to drink. Liek a lot

Did you know that your people essentially mate for life? Yep. Turn 30 and the true essence of your heart will reveal itself on your skin and name the person you love most. It will stay there forever. Cant be cut off or inked over. Cant change neither. Once its there its there

Your turning 30 in a few months

I wont survive seeing her name on you i wont

I filed papers for a transfer today. Project Shepherd is basically dead and by the time the transfer comes through it will be really dead and i cant stay here anymore im not strong enough. I need to be not here when her name comes

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Its my name. Fucking hell Michael its MY name??

What the fuck have the last two years been if its mY FUCKING NAME?

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

It hurt before when i thought you’d truly moved on but this? Oh this takes the cake

You love me. More than LITERALLY anything. And you still dont care enough to be with me

This is…

You should’ve left me in Caulfield and just saved yourself

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You left a birthday present in my car. Why?

Thank you

I love it

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Her name is Mara.

She used to sing to the other prisoners when they were scared. She had such a beautiful voice.

You won’t let me tell you about her but I think you should know. This was your mother, you should know who she was.

I’m sorry you didn’t get the chance to find out the right way. I really am.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I saw you on the street today. You were outside the jewelry store.

I wish you both a long happy life together. You both deserve it.

There were more. So many more. Michael had to stop and pace himself or he’d start breaking things.

It took him weeks to get through all of them. Some made him cry, some made him smash every fragile thing in Max’s house (he owed him new windows), but some made him smile.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I got a dog. Her name is Buffy. If anything happens to her I will kill everyone involved and then myself

Pics attached since I don’t know when I’ll see you.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Wilson’s getting married, can you believe it? I would’ve bet good money he’d die a happy bachelor. It’ll be so good to see the squad again. He invited everyone, even O’Brien.

He’s making me wear a tux, though, no uniforms :(

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I think you’ve cursed me. I used to very happily not give a shit about football fuck you very much

(Eagles made the playoffs fuck yeah)

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

There’s this new prosthetic prototype the military wants to try out and somehow I landed on the shortlist of candidates to get it

It’s supposed to be so amazing you don’t even know. It’ll be waterproof! I can stand in the shower!

(its the little things sometimes)

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I’ve really fucking missed Rosa. I know you miss your brother and I’m sorry but I never really let myself process how much I missed her

I promise to do everything I can to bring Max back. I owe him one

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Rosa doesn’t like the jacket. She’s gotta go

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I’m going to LA Pride next week. I’d ask you to come with me but you seem a little busy passing out on the floor of the Pony every night

I’m taking Isobel instead

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I’ve got this new project at work that’s actually really interesting. I keep staying late to work on it and so Project Shepherd is falling behind but fuck Michael I love it

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

There was a crazy meteor shower last night. You would’ve loved it

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

The sunsets out here are unreal. I’ve been in a few deserts and seen a few coasts but nothing, NOTHING, beats this view

Its beautiful

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

It’s cheating on the Wild Pony, I know, but if you go over to Dexter there’s a great little bar that does open mic night on Thursdays.

It’s been a long time since I sang. I’ve missed it. You should come sometimes.

Michael missed out on a lot while he was with Maria. He never wanted to miss those moments again.

In the five weeks it took him to get through all of the emails, no one heard from Alex. He’d warned them he’d be out of touch but it was still jarring. Michael took to driving out to the cabin or bugging Rosa to let him play with Buffy just so he could feel close to Alex.

A week after he finished Alex’s emails he started writing his own.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You’ve been gone six weeks. I miss you. I’m pretty sure I lost the right to say that but I don’t care. I do.

I read all of your emails

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I thought about responding to some of your emails individually but then I thought maybe just one would do it.

I’m sorry. I was a colossal jackass and you didn’t deserve any of it. I never should have blamed you for what your father did. You aren’t him, Alex.

There are only two people in my life that I trust to always be there: Isobel and you. Even when you walked away you always came back and I got used to that, I guess. When everything was spiraling out of control I needed someone to be angry at and I needed it to be someone who wouldn’t leave. Isobel was already going through hell so I picked you. I pushed you away as hard as I could and you stayed. You re-upped to protect me. You stayed in Roswell because you knew I needed you even though I refused to admit it. I put you through hell and you never said a word. Thank you. I should’ve said it a long time ago and I’m sorry I didn’t.

I’m sorry I finally pushed hard enough that you had to leave. Roswell’s your home and these people are your family. When you get back from your deployment you should come home and see them. I can leave if it’ll make it easier for you but you shouldn’t leave them just because I’m an ass.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I think Liz is actually dating both Kyle and Max. I’m also pretty sure Max and Kyle are not dating each other. Sometimes though...how sure are you that Kyle is straight?

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I can’t decide if it’s too weird or not weird enough watching my sister and my ex girlfriend try to date.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You said you didn’t love me. Why did you say that if you did?

I don’t know that I would have done anything different but I’d like to think I’d have been more considerate about Maria had I known. I thought you were over me. You said you were.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

It’s been three years since Caulfield and I’m alone. One of your emails mentioned that you didn’t want me to be alone but I am. I always am. No one understands. No one can possibly understand.

Kyle gave me a bottle of whiskey this morning. I’m trying to drink less but now that I’ve got a doctor’s seal of approval, I might just need to enjoy it.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I left my mom to die for you. I don’t think I would’ve left for anyone else.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I miss you. I think I’ve been missing you for years but you were right there so I didn’t realize it

Be safe. Come home

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I’m a little obsessed with my mark ngl

It’s in my own handwriting but I wish it was yours. So it would actually be a piece of you with me

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

It’s crazy. When you were here all I could think about when I saw you was your dad and your brothers and Caulfield. I know it’s not fair and it’s not right but I can’t control it

But now you’re not here. And I look around the cabin and all I see is you making breakfast or burning the popcorn that one night we tried to watch a movie and ended up making out instead. I can’t sleep at the Airstream without thinking of you. Did I ever tell you that you’re the only person I ever brought home? Every other person I ever hooked up I either went to their place or found somewhere else. But not you. You came home with me.

Liz wanted a group outing to the drive in. But I said no. I can’t go there anymore.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

My eyes are burning. Too much naked sister

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

First I see my sister having sex and now my brother’s asking me for gay sex tips

I can’t

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

When we broke up Maria accused me of being with her because I loved her less, because then she couldn’t hurt me. I thought she was crazy but now I think she had a point. I literally just walked in on her in bed with someone else (I’ve completely blocked out the memory of who it was) and it didn’t hurt. I’m just...happy for her. She smiles more these days than she has in a while

It's nothing like when I saw you on a date that one time and had the sudden urge to beat the guy into a bloody mess with my bare hands. It's a nice change of pace

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

It’s been four months since anyone’s heard from you. I hope you’re okay and just not allowed to contact anyone.

Please be okay Alex. I don’t know what I’ll do if you’re not

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Some idiot decided to put in a record store on Main St. Who even buys records anymore?

It has open mic night almost every night though. You’d love it

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I seem to have moved into your cabin. Oops

The bed doesn't smell like you anymore :(

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

It’s Valentine’s Day and you’re not here and I don’t even know if you’d want to see me if you were but let me just say this:

You’re an asshole and I love it

You care so much about people, about your family (the real one not the jackasses named Manes), and you give so much of yourself for other people I’m constantly in awe of you

You named your dog after a vampire slayer; what a dork (next one should be Faith)

You are the strongest person I know. I put you through hell and you’re still standing and you somehow still love me. I don’t understand but I can’t complain

I miss watching movies with you even if your constant commentary can be annoying as hell

I can’t eat omelets at restaurants anymore, you’ve ruined me for life

Your voice is breathtaking; you should never stop singing

I love you

Happy Valentine’s Day Alex

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Please just tell me when you’re home so I know you’re safe

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Rosa has a boyfriend. It’s weird. We can’t talk around him. Too many secrets.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I broke the ship. Most of its still in the bunker but I scattered some pieces around town. The Airstream, Isobel’s, Max’s, the Crashdown, the Pony, other places too

The biggest piece is right here at the cabin. I needed it to be with you

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Jenna’s back

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Happy Birthday Alex

I’m sorry I missed one. I promise not to miss any ever again.

They probably don't have any good cake where you’re at so I’ll just have to take you out for some when you get home

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I’ve co-opted Buffy from Rosa. She’s not getting her back

Over six months after Alex left, Michael received his first new email.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: YOUR EYES ONLY

You’re unbelievable. Asshole

827 Willowbrook Cir #231

Marlow Heights, MD 20746

P.S. Don’t forget Buffy

#malex fic #rnm #my fic #this one is 100% malex #ch5 will be 0% malex to offset it #next time i decide to format a fic/chapter like this somebody punch me #i've had to reformat it 3 times and im DONE

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mamaladykt · 4 years

Text

Quarantine Q&A

I was tagged by @queenrisa14 which whaaaaaaa!? God when will the Sally Fields "they like me!!!" feeling go away when ever I am tagged in anything? Does it ever? I'm always stunned people are aware of my existence. Thanks girl! Anywho!

Are you staying home from work/school?

Soooooooo, about this. Hehehe. I was working. I was considered essential. To the point that my 4 day a week job turning into 7 days a week, 12 hours a day for TWENTY days straight. It took a toll. On me and my kids. So, because my kids are now out of school for the rest of the school year, my schedule not allowing for any flexibility or a leave of absence, I put in notice last week and my last day was Monday night. I felt really good about it, felt free, came home tuesday morning and filed for unemployment on grounds of childcare needs (which was immediately flagged 🙄😭) and slept. Today was a new day, started cleaning my house for the first time in over a month...... and it went down hill from there. Horrendous night and not feeling great about the uphill battle that will be getting my kids (and husband) back on track. TL;DR yes I'm home, it's a mess.

If you're staying home, who's with you?

That would be my 5 children, my oldest daughter is 11 (dear God tween hormones are no joke!) and my 4 sons, who are 9, 7, 5, and 3. My husband is still working and I miss him during the day and wanted to boot him out tonight. Sigh.

Are you a homebody?

Yes!!! I'm an introvert. If I was well and truly alone, I would never need to leave my house. I have no issues with the idea of ordering groceries online, I just ordered my first ever iPad online and I'm trying to navigate buying glasses and contacts online (PM me with links of websites if you've done this and had a good experience). I just need Amazon to get their shit together and ship my stuff! This isn't the 90's it doesn't need to take a month to get me something. Gah! Also, if I could figure out how to get my ADHD diagnosis from home via telemedicine that would be greeeeeeeeat. Seriously never want to leave my house again.

What movies have you watched recently?

Hahahahahaha!!!!!!! Omg you think I watch movies... That's adorable. Yea, noooo. The last movie I watched was Frozen 2 when it hit Disney+ a month ago. I am, however trying to gear myself up emotionally for watching Avengers Infinity War and Endgame this Sunday. It's been a year..... I'm still not ok. And I haven't watched since that fateful day in the theaters. No seriously, I cried last night just hearing the opening notes to the IW TRAILER! The trailer y'all. "There was an idea....." 😭😭 Ugly sob.

Shows?

Umm, I was watching Outlander at work. I binge watched the first four seasons in like a month back in January. Couldn't wait for season 5 and lost all steam once it started. I dunno. I think it's the Brianna story line. Other than that I honestly throw on Downton Abbey or Victoria again when I need something to watch. (can you tell I have a thing for accents...) I'd love to binge watch in order from the beginning The Big Bang Theory! If anyone knows where I can get the series to stream, let me know. I've watched it out of order for years and years and love it so much but seeing it start to finish sounds like a perfect quarantine activity.

What event was cancelled that you were looking forward to?

My kids going to school on a daily basis?? Lol. No, you know what's funny. I've never gone, didn't have plans to go, but I actually shed a tear when they cancelled Comic Con 2020 in San Diego. I was hoping to go next year so it was a mix of disappointment over not streaming this year's panels/the historical significance of there not being one and feeling like next year is now unattainable because all the 2020 ticket holders will get that one? It's weird and all hypothetical and stupid. Honestly I'm a mom and I don't get to do anything. The most exciting thing on my "to-do" list that was postponed was the Black Widow movie. I have waiting 10 goddamn years for my girl to get a solo movie! TEN YEARS!!!! I needed this to distract from the 1 year anniversary of losing Tony Stark Endgame. Gah. I'm also holding my breath that Sailor Moon Crystal the movie doesnt get postponed from September to God knows when. And my October trip to Orlando for Girl Scouts USA Convention isn't canceled. I'm going to Disney World!! If Florida isn't stup.... Yea ok. 😑😒😞

What Music are you listening to?

My Seiya playlist. I have a playlist of music that I think Seiya would sing. Cuz I love him and he's cheeky and in my head he's a weird mix of Adam Levine and Brendon Urie and that's what the playlist is full of. And this one song by Dermot Kennedy called Outnumbered that is just, IMO Seiya's parting words to Usagi. That and I'm kind of obsessed with Dance Monkey by Tones and I.

What are you reading?

Other than articles about the CARES act regarding unemployment benefits, reviews of cases and accessories for my new iPad Pro (it's the 12.9 and I had no idea I bought the big one and that it's basically a touch screen iMac and I'm overwhelmed with trying to find something to protect it from my children....) or homeschool tips and tricks for kids with autism.......

So help me God, I am reading The Unintentional Seduction of Chiba Mamoru if it freaking kills me. It's been on my to-read list for freaking ever and I am dying that I haven't read it yet. And kind of hating myself. Come on KT, get your ish together sis!!! I'm sorry @floraone !!

What are you doing for self-care?

I quit my job for one. That was the ultimate self-care move. That and for my kids.

Also, Online shopping? I have purchased things for myself that I have never done before. Makeup which is so fun. Like I bought the whole Sailor Moon makeup collection from Colour Pop. I got my first Morphe palette. And big girl concealer from Tarte. Yaaaaas! My iPad and all the pink accessories I can find. A pink throw blanket because my kids have a million blankets but we have no throw blankets for the couch. What the hell? And my favorite thing, I bought a bunch of stuff from teepublic with my profile picture on it from the artist @briannacherrygarcia (seriously her work is amazing! Go check her out, I can't get enough) that created it. I mean, how cool is that. I'm usually too poor to support the content creators for which I am so grateful for. After working three 84hr weeks, I figured I deserved to splurge on something that wasn't in anyway shape or form a need. A pure joyful want. Cant be excused as anything else. It felt so good. I got stickers and an art print and a coffee mug (because coffee mugs are my favorite thing and I somehow do not have enough of them so if anyone wants to send me pretty coffee mugs!) And a hoodie!! I'm so excited.

That last question is amazing. I was feeling so down and overwhelmed by just how bad my home and everyone in it was doing after I was working so much. I am not exaggerating saying it going to take weeks to put this back together and help my kids get used to having rules and structure again. Because it wasn't gonna be a quick fix I was hating life. But listing all the ways that I managed to take care of me, something I never do, because that's what I needed the last month to literally survive, reminded me that I am in a good place and that I have time now to get this done. It took a month to get to this level of chaos it only stands to reason that it's probably gonna take a month to put it back. And shit it's not like we're going anywhere. What's the rush? ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Thanks @queenrisa14 for this! This was great and fun and so needed for my psyche. I tag anyone on my follows list who hasn't done this. Do it and say I tagged you.

MamaLK says take care of you and the rest will fall into place! 😘

#quarantine activities #self care #we got this #tagged

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taronfanfic · 5 years

Text

Fast Forward

A/N: This series will contain themes that some readers may find upsetting. It links on from my past series Rewind which can be found under my Masterlist. It’s not vial that you’ve read Rewind first, but it may help.

Chapter 2

The alarm on your phone was wasted as you woke over an hour before it was due to go off. You got up as quietly as you could and moved your bag out into the hallway so you could leave Taron to sleep peacefully. The slice of toast you’d made had long gone cold before you’d finished eating it but that was the least of your worries. No new messages had come in from your Mum overnight, so you fired off a quick text to let her know when you’d be with her and ask if there was any further news. There was nothing else to do but wait to leave. The wait was always the worst bit. You felt so helpless. Minutes took forever to pass and before long the sight of your flat was doing your head in. The reply from you mum saying there was no update yet was equally as worrying and you just needed to get out, even if it meant moving your wait to the station instead.

I’ll be back by Sunday evening and I’ll call you when I can. Love you. X

You placed the note you’d written for Taron on his bedside table and left a soft kiss to his forehead before admiring how cute he looked with his bed hair.

“Love you.” He half mumbled as he stirred slightly, turned over, and went back to sleep. You found yourself smiling a little because of him and you knew instantly that it would be the last time you’d smile that weekend.

***

It didn’t matter where in the world you were, hospitals always felt the same. The smell was the same, the harsh light was the same, and the endless void of corridors never got any less echoey. As you walked up to the ward your Dad had been moved to over-night you felt your phone vibrate in your pocket.

T: You made it there ok? What’s the latest? I miss you already. Xxx

Y/N: Yes, just walking to the ward now. I’ll let you know in a few mins. Xxx

You replied instantly to Taron’s text, making sure it had sent before you pushed open the door into the small room where your parents were. Your mum didn’t even look up as you entered, her gaze stayed fixed on her hands as they held your Dad’s softly, minding the wires and tubes that were strung between him and the machines which surrounded his bed. He looked pale and exhausted. A fraction of his usual self. You felt the tears building in your eyes and blinked quickly as you tried to supress them.

“Still no news?” You swallowed hard as you forced out the question.

“The doctor should be in any minute with the results from the scans.”

“Okay.” The feet of the chair scraped along the floor as you pulled it up closer to the bed and sat down opposite your mum.

T: Everything will be fine. Xxx

Repeating those four words over and over in your mind helped you to stay calm. You closed your eyes for a second as you pictured Taron sat next to you and the voice in your head switched to his. He would always be there, no matter what.

“Still glued to that bloody phone.” The harsh mumble from you Mum broke you out of your thoughts and as you looked up you could see her bitter, judging expression.

“It was just Taron checking I got here alright, and asking if there was any news on Dad yet.” You explained.

“I don’t know why he cares.”

“Charming.”

“You know what I mean.” Your mum replied harshly. “We’re not his family.”

Finding a response to that was difficult. You wanted to throw shade and sarcasm back, but you knew it wasn’t the time or the place; everyone’s stress levels were high. You also wanted to tell her that he felt like family to you, that he’d be part of the family in time and that you’d be creating your own family somewhere down the line. But you knew that wouldn’t go down well either.

“He still wanted to come with me today.”

“Really? Hardly the best time for meeting the family is it!”

“I know, that’s why I told him not to.” You defended.

“Good. I can’t be dealing with that hassle too, and it’s not like any of your boyfriends ever stick around long enough to make it worth meeting them.” Your mum laughed and you could only lower your head as your throat tightened with the emotions that grew painfully in your chest.

“Jane…” Your dad finally spoke, the sympathy clear in his voice despite the weakness to its volume. “You’re upsetting her.”

“I’m just messing.” Your mum replied with a smile before looking back to you. “It is nice you’re here. Just a shame we’ve not seen you since Christmas… a shame that it took something like this to get you back.”

You felt your eyebrows raise in disbelief that you could still be on the receiving end of so much grief when your family were stuck in a horrible situation. It was mad that they couldn’t see the reason why you didn’t visit them more often. You were saved from having to respond when the door opened and the consultant entered the room carrying a file which contained the images from the scans.

***

The fresh air hit your face as you rushed through the automatic doors and turned left out of the hospital. You didn’t know where you were going but you knew you had to get away. That tiny room might as well have been hell for how it made you feel. So many emotions were raging through your body, shouting out to be felt, processed and dealt with, but you didn’t know where to start. A secluded doorway faced you as you rounded the next corner, offering up a place to hide for a little while. You crouched down and let your back rest against the peeling blue paint as you gripped your phone tightly and waited for Taron’s number to dial.

“Hey, you.” He answered softly.

“I can’t do this.” The first sob escaped your trembling body and as much as you didn’t want Taron to hear it, didn’t want to cause him to worry about you, you knew you needed him more than ever. He stayed silent for a moment longer as he took in your sobs and worked out what to say.

“Do you want me to come up there?”

“No.” You replied instantly. “It’ll make everything worse and it’s already shit enough.”

“What’s happened?”

“I can’t… oh god.” You pulled the phone away from you as you buried your head into your knees and continued to cry. It left Taron thinking the absolute worst, but you couldn’t find many words. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok, I’m here. I’m not going to hang up on you so take your time. Take a deep breath or two and try to calm down a bit for me, yeah?” You listened closely to his voice and followed his instructions, forcing yourself to breathe deeply and take things in small steps. “That’s better, you’re alright and I’m here. So, tell me what’s happened?”

“It’s a tumour.” Two fresh new tears rolled down your cheeks and made you pause. “They’re going to do a biopsy.”

“Right.” There was a sigh of relief which followed Taron’s reply to hearing your dad was at least still alive.

“We won’t get the results of that until the middle of the week. No one’s said it yet, but we know we’re all thinking the same thing.��

“Cancer?”

“Fuck.” Hearing someone say it out loud was like a new blow all over again. It confirmed it was real, it was actually happening and wasn’t something which could be swept under the carpet and never spoken of again.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry. I wish there was something I could do.”

“Me too.” Another silence fell between you and it couldn’t have felt more awkward. You knew Taron didn’t want to say the wrong thing, but his silence was even worse. No words were going to change how you felt, but anything was better than nothing. The last thing you needed was for him to back away.

“So… how is he at the moment?” Taron finally spoke cautiously.

“Erm, alright. Weirdly calm.”

“I guess it’s out of his hands though, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. Doesn’t make it any less terrifying though.”

“No, of course. I guess you’ve just got to be strong for him. Nothing is set in stone yet. It might not come to the worst, and if it does they’ll have a plan. They deal with things like this every day, love, so they’ll know what’s best.”

“Mmmm.” You hummed in response.

“Chin up, little one.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. You have nothing to apologise for, and you know you can call me whenever you want to. In fact, how about I call you later tonight? Give you something to aim for for the rest of the day?” Taron made his suggestion and it was the one thing that gave you even the smallest ounce of warmth and love; it left you feeling calmer.

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Good. We’ll do that.”

“Thank you.”

“Anytime. Literally!” He giggled. “I love you so much.”

“Love you too. Speak later.”

Taglist: @egerton-sweetie @amanda-tallmadge @lizziespidiepridie @leanimal90 @anantheminmyheart22@aynsleywalker @bohemianrhapsody86@butterfliesslugswormsandothershi @manners-maketh-taron @livingincompletesilence @marvelmakeuplover @ohsosmutty@misspygmypie @manners-maketh-a-kingsman @courtmr@baileythepenguin @thomaslefteyebrow @witchymarvelspacecase@samanthasmileys @nellietara @i-cant-remember-my-old-login@wheresmylightinthedark @kurtis-conner @hoe4dior @toky-9101@mayaslifeinabox @fluentlyspeakingtreason @yallyallblanchett@whiskeylipsx @emmaelizabeth2014 @primaba11erina @fightuntilyoucan

#Taron Egerton #taron egerton fanfiction #taron egerton imagine #taron egerton fanfic #taron x reader

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winchester-reload · 6 years

Text

I accidentally drunk-posted this to ao3 last night, so I might as well post it here too since it’s episode-related. There’s a second half I’m not done with yet, but this bit stands on its own as a coda, or whatever.

Pairing: Dean/Cas

WC: 1400

tags: first, kiss, angst, episode 14x12 pre-coda

also on ao3

Cas came into the bunker like a thunderstorm, expression cloudy and eyes hot enough to start brush fires. He dropped the big book that’d been tucked close to his chest onto the library table in front of Dean, and it coughed dust as the water-warped pages accordioned together, fluffed up again. Kicked the old, thread-bound cover back, revealing the yellow vellum page; Possessionem, atque tutelam &, Vatican Ed. 1723, it said.

Dean uncurled from his book, hands slipping to the edge of the mahogany as he pulled in tight. Cas wasn’t supposed to be back yet. Last text Dean got said maybe Tuesday would see him in Kansas, and that meant Dean wasn’t supposed to have to deal with this. He should have already been gone.

Wonderful.

He cleared his throat. “Who’s your friend?” he asked, trying to keep it light.

“Oh, that?” Cas puffed, carelessly spilling into the chair opposite Dean. The airiness of his response was drowned out by the vinegar he had pickling his words. “It’s a book, Dean.”

“Well, shit, Cas. You don’t say—?”

“Yes. It’s a book that Jack and I managed to track to— and retrieve from—a catacomb in New York. Now, ask me why we went to all that trouble.”

Dean hesitated. Then, “Why?” because he was nothing if not a glutton for punishment.

“Well, because we heard it had some particularly potent protection sigils, which, might— ” He pecked an elbow onto the tabletop, twisted his hand in an overly-animated open shrug “—hypothetically—be beneficial to someone harboring an unwanted invader. Why? What did you do this last week?”

It was baited. Dean didn’t need the all caps, period-after-each-word, version of it to see that. He chewed his cheeks, slid his copy of Vonnegut away. Dog-eared pages flat against the table now until someone else bothered to pick it up. “Okay,” he said scratching his neck. “I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess you talked to Sam.”

“What would give you that impression?”

“Cas, it’s a ma’lik box—”

“Yes—” Cas said, mocking, “I’m familiar with them.”

It triggered that little muscle twitch at the back of Dean’s jaw. “Okay, here we go—” and Cas shot back out of his chair.

“Jack and I were out trying to find literally anything that might help you, and all the while you were out building some stupid, secret box to go bury yourself in— And you weren’t even going to tell me—? So, yes, Dean. Let’s “go”,” he spat, throwing the quotes. “Why are you so impossible?”

“Alright, back off—” Dean bristled. He wanted to keep it civil—fuck, he needed to. The last thing he wanted was to have to ruminate on a fight with Cas for the next forever-billion-years, but the asshole was a button-pusher. Always had been. “I get it, okay? You’re pissed. You wanna be pissed, be pissed, but it ain’t gonna change anything. Billie said what she said.”

Cas rounded on him surprisingly quick, leveled a look so dark, it practically bred its own shadows. “No,” he said, flat, “you’re right, of course, it doesn’t change anything. But do you know what does, Dean? The fact that you’re lying!”

A fingernail of shame suddenly surprised Dean, twisted into his chest. “No—” he stumbled. This was getting away from him quick. Too quick. He scoffed, smiled, tried to brush it away. “Uh, no. You’re wrong—”

“Uh, yes. I’m right—” Cas contested. “See, because if Billie’s answer was to bury you with Michael at the bottom of the Pacific, there would have been no death note to hand you— because, in that scenario, Dean, you’d never die! And maybe Sam doesn’t know that, but I do!” He plucked his chest, tie swinging as he leaned in. It dredged up all those old, angelic chills Dean had filed in the archives of his memory; the weight Cas carried with him like churning ozone when he was all keyed up. “So, why don’t you tell me what the book really said?” he suggested with a low growl. “What you’re actually running from.”

Dean swallowed, tried to hold Cas’ eye, failed. They were close enough now that Dean was all but boxed in his chair, and butterflies played his pulse in response, kicked his heart up into his throat. “Okay, you’re—” he started. Then, “But, that’s totally—” and he stopped, watched Cas’ balled fists turn white at the knuckles. Fuck. “Did you tell Sam?”

“No, but I will tell him. I’ll tell him right now.”

“Don’t—”

“Then what did it say?”

“It said I die old,” Dean muttered, and it was like prying nails from his ribs just to get it out. “ It said I die happy. Natural causes. No Michael. No monsters.”

Cas blinked, caught off guard. The anger in his face diffused then fused again into something so much more knotted up. “I don’t understand—”

“There’s nothing to understand because it doesn’t matter! All the rest of ‘em said I die bad, Cas. All of ‘em! Michael burnin’ me out while he destroys the world—!”

“How does ignoring this one spot of hope fix that?”

“That ain’t hope! I don’t know what to do with that— I don’t even know where to begin to try to make something like that happen! The box is what fixes it! The box, I know how to do!”

Cas’ fingers spread, hands coming up like he wanted to strangle Dean, but couldn’t bring himself to get close enough. “Did it ever occur to you—?” he said slowly. Eyes rolling closed before peeling open again. “—that, maybe, your first step in accomplishing a happy ending, is to stop running? To stop this— suicidal ideation? To just... love, and let people love you?”

Dean shook his head, Cas’ words pooling at the hinge of his jaw and making it hurt. “It wouldn’t matter,” he said, looking at the bookshelves, the corners. Anywhere but Cas.

“Why—?”

“Because no one's gonna love me—” Dean spilled. “Who’s gonna love me like this? An archangel stuffed up in my attic and the rest of me so fucking screwed to hell, I can’t even sleep on a good night!”

Cas balled hands into his own chest, shoulders high and body tight like they were both about to go over some invisible cliff if he didn’t stop the vehicle soon. “I love you!” he pleaded. “Sam loves you! Your family— You are not unloved, Dean!” He had tears in his eyes, but it was easier to ignore them.

Dean shut his eyes, heat washing him. The image of Cas dying on an old couch at the back of the barn flared fresh in his brain— I love you, I love all of you— He tried to swallow it, but it was too sour. Tried to rub it away with the heel of his hand, but it only spread, made speckles. He shook his head, instead, pulled his already loose collar looser. “No, I… Not that kinda love,” he said quietly.

Cas suddenly deflated, arms falling to his sides, weight shifting between his feet. He sunk to the floor at Dean’s knees, looked up, face raw and open and done. “Sam loves you,” he said again quietly. “Jack loves you. Your mother—”

“Cas—”

“—loves you…” He suddenly touched Dean’s knee, stretched up onto his own, wedged between Dean’s legs, quiet and hot, cheeks wet with tears as he pulled all that electric energy in. “But, I—” He grabbed Dean’s face, cradled it between his hands as Dean’s fingers clawed into the fabric at Cas’ sleeve— holding him there, holding him back, he wasn’t sure which. “I love you,” Cas whispered. Something in Dean cracked, split open. He let their foreheads brush. Their noses.

Let Cas kiss him, soft and slow.

Cas kissed like he’d imagined it a thousand times, mapped it. Studied it over and over and over again, until every jump of his lips timed with the thrum of Dean’s heartbeat. The curl of his fingers at Dean’s jaw.

Then it broke, quick as it started, but Cas and all his hasty energy didn’t move back. Neither did Dean. “I don’t know another way to say it,” Cas admitted to the small space between them. His voice finally wavered, broke. His hands uncurled, flat palms drying the tears Dean didn’t know he’d lost. “You have to tell me because I don’t know.”

Dean suddenly remembered to breathe and it came in sharp and unsure. It came in with the smell of Cas and a hit of his blue eyes close enough to taste. Dean swallowed the salt building in the back of his throat and dug his voice out of Cas’ rubble. “That was it,” he whispered back. “You just said it.”

And it seemed utterly ridiculous how everything suddenly felt so simple.

#destiel #destiel fic #first kiss #season 14 #canon divergent #episode coda #idk what this is #i have destiel anxiety okay #I need something canon tonight #14x12 #14x11 #its been a minute since I posted some fic #so take this i guess

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vicsep7250 · 5 years

Text

@ren-amamiyaa and their (he/she?) Golden Heist, Thief Nanako and Cryptid Chaser aus flooded my brain and now Im making this post bc I cant fit all of this in asks!!!

All right, so, idea. Cryptid Chasers, Thief Nanako and Golden Heist are all connected righr???

CC acts as a prequel, TN becomes the inbetween starring Nanako and Akechi, and GH stars a broken and older IT and slightly jaded PT.

So far CC has Yosuke and Naoto forming the brotp that fanon wanted through silly Saturday Night Ghost Chasers Shenanigans, Akiren is bein' a lil shit at midnight bc he needs an outlet and exercise to Phantom Thief. While this goes on, Akechi's ghost/spirit/rement/heart/whatever pulls pranks and shenans along with Joker (hiwever that happens).

As the Cryptid Chasers keep going out of their way to confront Joker about Arsene (bc even he likes to mess around) the other IT in Inaba start to try and stop them from disrupting the peace (read : harassing a known criminal) and this somehow leads to a falling out. Mayhaps Naoto and Yosuke break a few laws and Chie busts them, Kanji wants to know why theyre stalking his student/protege, and Yukiko just wants to keep the rumors about the inn in check bc jfc Yosuke STOP SCREECHING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT IN THE LOBBY THERE IS NO GHOST ON THE TV!

Maybe eventually they call it quits or dont bc Naoto dug this hole too deep to climb out themself and Yosuke is having the time of his life since Partner isnt around and hasn't come back to visit yet (Not sayin' souyo is canon and there but-). And the Cryptid Chasers arc probably ends here with there being some animosity towards their shenanigans , but the IT are all still friends.

Now fast forward to like, uhhh (*flings dart at wall of calendars*) 2014 during winter and Akiren's cryptid acts are now fully accepted and maybe exposed, who knows. Nanako is like 10 ~ 12 (P5 is maybe three/five years post P4 I believe) and is just going through the motions of public education. I.E. go to class, do work, get good grades. Dojima is still the same as he was before Yu came but is at least doing better at being a dad, not much but better. Yosuke and Ted aren't around as much bc Junes, Chie is transferred to Tokyo, Yukiko is busy managing the Inn, and Kanji is busy with work (as a teacher and crafts business owner). Rise unfortunately cant come visit and Big Bro now visits every other year.

Nanako starts to look back and wonder how things started to fall apart amongst the group and recalls that "delinquent" who came back at the same time the Cryptid^tm showed up and ruined the group. So now she starts to remember the good times when Big Bro came by and starts to notice some blanks around winter... Why was she in the hospital when she got kidnapled? Why does she remember these weird flashes of Big Bro and his friends and some monster?? And how come she tried to ask them anything about it they brushed her off each time???

The TV in her room flashes and soon she starts hearing things. She starts to move closer to the tv, as if she was in some sort of trance, as the sounds start to become voices to her. When she's directly infront of the screen she sees something... someone on it...

Nanako doesnt show up for breakast, or to school, and nobody seems to have seen her.

A full year passes on after that day. It starts off with a big search party of the IT and Social Links for the first two months, then after ankther three something stange happens... are people forgetting that Nanako existed or something? Everybody's starting to act like completely different peoplw than who they are too, some even end up hospitalozed due to severe headaches and such, and start claiming that Nanako was never around when she vanished or that she left Inaba or was already deamed dead or missing. This rings alarms in the IT's mimds as they search for answers, eventually all fully reuniting for the first time in years/months.

Naoto and Yosuke blame themselves bc they piece together her disappearance with the Cryptid + Ghost case and immediately get scolded for trying to pin their stupid kids game on a missing person's case - especially now with Nanako missing and possibly in danger again! Afterwards the IT are a bit on edge and a bit broken with the whole thing. Meanwhile Akechi can hear the tale ends of "missing person" and "literal disappearnace" and starts looking into this weird limbo metaverse he's in bc some shit is kinda fucked in here now for some reason. They're pretty much only together as a team to rescue Nanako.

GH in the PTs POV starts when Akiren invites the group to the Amagi Inn thanks to licrative money grin- I mean training. He comes clean into having seen something weird on the tv one late night and wants to let the gang know.

Midnight rolls around and Akechi shows up on the screen and the Thieves losing their shit is an understatement - numerous noise complaints were filed that night. Anyways Akechi decides to just play the role of "hey moron, some shits fucked come help fix it" and ends up informing them of a missing girl and this weird TV Mementos world he is in.

I would like to note that Akechi is not at all bitter or confused at everyone's circumstances in life, no of course not Joker stop crying I know its been a while but shutup theres a kid in trouble rn and youre the only ones who can possibly help her.

When the PT figure out a plan to reach this other world Goro is in (Arsene : THOUARTTHEESTICKYOURHANDINTHETVDOITDOITDOITDOIT) the IT eventually come to the very sad conclusion that Nanako moght be in the TV world and that opens a whole can of worms and burnable bridges to cross.

While in the TV world, I'd like to imagine that due to Akechi having been there for a good while it has been shaped to reflect his heart and be the new overall theme of that world. It all still looks like Inaba, but it all holds themes to Akechi and his no good terrible life. However due to Nanako having been in that world as a kid, and now for an uncertain amount of time, the world now holds motifs to the Heaven area from P4, but it's all sorta ruined and kinda darker.

When both teams get together and enter the weird Tele-Mentos world (IT in a Junes storage and PT at either Ren's pad [bc he moved out obvi] (OR bith teams enter from seperate TVs at the Inn so SHENANS!)) Yu and the IT go through Akechi's influenced world/TV Palace, finding out about his tragic backstory and involvement with the PT, but anything that can and could reveal their true identities is blurred and staticy or missing bc Akechi aint gonna snitch out who ruined his sperm donors life (also I guess saved the world too yeah). While going through the Palace the Team starts to think that finding Goro will just be an "if it happens" sort of deal bc he's been missing for years already, what if we just leave him here bc M U R D E R E R.

Cue a sudden appearance by someone in some sort of fallen angel garb who starts whipping out a full on Metal Gear Villain monologue about how hypocritical the IT are when they find the truth about Akechi's life and disappearance - they claimed to want to live in a world where no one hides in the fig, was that all a lie? Are they going back on their word, and hiding behind a shriud of lies and falsehoods once more? "You've gone and lied and hidden the truth already, what's to say you won't continue?"

Meanwhile Akiren and the Thieves enter at the very top of the Heaven TV Set and have to climb all the way down. As they do so they start seeing little murals or epitaphs about memories and people in this girls life. They see all of these memories of a happy girl who had such a loving family - both found and by blood. As they go further and further down the ruins start to look like an actual Heaven, and the scenary becomes more bright and colorful. Eventually they might run into Crow in his Black Mask clothes and give the bastard a slug on the arm and a group hug or two, bc man he doesn't deserve to suffer anymore like this.

Now that the Phantom Thieves have been reunited (Akechi : I can't leave this world The PT : FUCK, MORE PLOT) they end up thinking up ways to get Akechi out until this weird angel priest looking dude shows up and starts babling about how they are criminals and how they've done more bad than good and blah blah blah. Everyone is just all "We're the good guys, we do the right thing even if its morally grey/ambiguous!" and oh look! Another crazed maniac wants to kill us for our "injustice" *Crow has the decency to look away and not say anything* annnnnnd Heaven is locked off. Perfect.

Now maybe the Phantom Thieves and Investigation Team run into each other somewhere in Akechi's Palace and "You have Personas?!?!" "The hell is a Palace?" "YOU'RE THE CRYPTID OF INABA!!?!?" "And Im the 'Ghost' that follows him." "Wait you followed me as a ghost?" "WAIT WHY ARE THERE TWO AKECHIS??!??!!"

Oh yeah, Shadows... Akechi is still kinda in denial about the whole friends and justice thing...

And now the Dark Priest is back great ("Good name Skull" "Well I've got my moments right?").

Annnnnnnd now I have no idea what happens next and Im all burned out but AAAAAAAAA this entire AU crossover thing is so GOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!

#persona #persona 5 #persona 4 #golden heist au #thief nanako au #cryptid chasers au #this is all one big idea made of a communities own ideas #its like the zelda timeline all over again #byt good!#ren-amamiyaa

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scaryscarecrows · 6 years

Text

Roots and Leaves, Pt. 8

All done!

“-son. Master Jason.”

Fuck, Alfred’s dead? The end is extremely fucking nigh.

But, if he’s going to be selfish (which got him into this, you’d think he’d learn)…at least he has company in…wherever this is.

His hands still hurt, though, which he finds very unfair.

“You are no better at feigning unconsciousness than you were at fifteen, sir.”

He’s not tryin’ to…

Why does Death look like his old bedroom. Is this some sorta ‘ease into it’ area?

“There you are.”

“Alfie?”

Alfred hasn’t changed one bit. Jason will bet that his mustache hasn’t even grown, or shed a hair, or anything.

“How are you-”

Alfred.

He hugs him and he hasn’t changed, not one goddamn bit. Alfred hugs him back, one hand cupping his neck and the other moving firmly up and down his spine. Alfred’s here, everything’s gonna be okay, at least for another minute…

The hand on his spine moves and his head’s tilted up with a soft, “Oh, my boy.”

It’s over. Any dignity he had is gone. He presses his face against Alfred’s chest (fabric softener Earl Grey home) and doesn’t even try to pretend he’s not crying. He’s never been able to keep anything from Alfred anyway.

“M’sorry.”

“Oh, my boy,” Alfred says again, and those sturdy hands press against his head and neck. “There is nothing to apologise for.”

He tries to take a few deep breaths, to get himself under control for fuck’s sake, and can’t. He can’t do it anymore.

But Alfred is a literal saint, and he doesn’t try to coax him to talk or to sit up or to do anything at all, even after his jacket must be soaked through. He just sits there, marginally more slumped than he usually is, and rubs a hand in slow, steady circles over Jason’s shoulders.

At some point, he senses a presence in the doorway, but before he can straighten up it’s gone again and now, without that motivation, it’s easier to just stay here where it’s safe and warm.

He eventually runs out of tears but his face is now wet and swollen and hot. His nose feels like it’s swollen shut and he’s been reduced to careful, thought-out breaths that rattle in his throat and burn in his chest. Sitting up is too much work.

Alfred props him up anyway and rubs a cool washcloth over his face before letting him take it and hold it against his now-puffy eyelids.

“That’s it, Master Jason.” If Bruce is Sherlock Holmes, then Alfred is Watson. They don’t deserve him. “That’s it. Deep breaths, there we are.”

“M’sorry, Alfie,” he forces out, voice strangled. “M’sorry-”

“That’s enough of that.”

“But-”

“I won’t hear any more of that.” Oh, boy. That’s the ‘you’re on thin ice and should just shut up’ voice. Even now, it’s scary and he doesn’t have the courage to go against it.

A straw presses against his lips-limeade-and Alfred continues, a little gentler now, “I cannot imagine that you purposefully buried yourself for any reason, Master Jason. Am I correct?”

He laughs. He can’t help it. It sounds so nice put like that.

“No. No, I…I didn’t. I didn’t.” He is not going to start crying again. He refuses. Sheila flashes behind his eyes, blonde and blue and red, and he presses the washcloth down hard enough to hurt. “I…she s-said. She said she was out. Sh-she said she was out, Alfred, I thought…just once…”

“From the beginning, Master Jason.” Calm, but making it very clear that he doesn’t have a choice. “Who is ‘she’?”

He swallows, knows he’s imagining something squirming at the back of his throat. Alfred waits.

“Sheila Haywood,” he finally whispers. “I…Bruce’s files…she might have been my mother.”

He doesn’t have to look to know Alfred’s got that little frown between his eyebrows, the one that says he’s deeply upset. Jason presses the washcloth tighter against his eyes, sparking colors, and his wrist is tugged at until the colors die off.

“I just…she approached me, Alfie, I swear, I didn’t…I just thought…” He swallows again, forces himself to let the washcloth fall to his lap. “M’tired of bein’ second choice, Alfred.”

He doesn’t have time to brace himself before he’s pulled back down and somehow…folded…so that he’s tucked against Alfred’s chest like he’s thirteen again and still fits.

“Jason Peter Todd,” Aw, shit. “you have never been second choice, do you understand?”

But…

Look. He’s very well aware that he wouldn’t be here if Dick hadn’t had that fallout with Bruce. And oh, boy, has he ever learned the Joys of Being the Second Child-‘Dick did this’, ‘Dick did that’, and on and on and on. He’s come to terms with that fact, it’s fine, whatever.

But arguing that point (or any point) with Alfred is a Bad Idea.

And. And he’s here, now, because Bruce…Bruce came to pick him up, when he asked. So. That means something, doesn’t it?

His head hurts.

Alfred sighs at his non-answer but lets it go for the time being.

“What happened with Miss Haywood?”

He’s not moving. He’s staying right here until this is all over.

“Some moron tried to hold up the grocery store…”

* * *

Jason feigns sleep for the rest of the day, until Bruce is out on patrol. Sneaking past the Batman isn’t impossible, but it’s definitely hard and with his hands almost completely useless, well…

The last thing he wants or needs is a lecture on Trust and Rushing Into Things and Dammit, Jason, This is What Got You Captured by the Joker. He knows that, thanks, Bruce.

(And yeah, okay, he knows lectures are Bruce’s way of saying I Love You, but some people swear a punch to the face is an I Love You, so.)

Sneaking past Alfred, on the other hand…now that really is impossible.

He’s halfway down the stairs when there’s an irritated, “A-HEM,” from behind him. Crap.

“I was thirsty?”

Alfred gets this expression that Jason will swear means he’s envisioning smacking him upside the head with a rolled-up newspaper. Yeah. Okay. Game’s up.

“I just…I need some time,” he says, eyes fixed on a knot in the wooden banister. “I can’t face him, Alfred, not now.”

Not for a long time, probably. Not without a massive blow-up on both sides and it’s better if no one else is around to be caught in that crossfire.

And besides. Right now, he just…his apartment may be kinda crappy, but it’s not haunted by a stupid kid who swore up and down that

“Being Robin gives me magic!”

“This is the best day of my life.”

There’s too many ghosts in this house.

Alfred comes forward and pats his shoulder.

“At least permit me to provide you with a few easy-to-reheat meals.”

“I’m okay-”

“Humor an old man.”

That is a trap. That is a trap, it’s just better to nod and neither protest or nor agree. And he’s got time, before Bruce gets back.

“Thanks, Alfred.”

“Hm.”

He’s ushered towards the kitchen. It hasn’t changed a bit-still homey and warm and with those same comfy stools by the counter. He remembers having after-school snacks there and chattering a mile a minute about ‘so Mister Pierce set his desk on fire in chemistry and it was so cool I gotta try that y’think B’ll let me-?’

“If I hear one word about you being out before those hands have healed, there is no power on Heaven or Earth that will spare you, is that clear?”

He believes. He believes.

“Yeah.”

“Good.” An icebox appears out of nowhere. “Do you need a ride?”

“No, I, uh…I called an Uber. I didn’t think I could drive.”

“Wise choice.” Alfred sets the icebox down and grips Jason’s arms. “You will always have a home with us, Master Jason. Remember that.”

He is not going to start crying again. He is not.

“Thanks, Alfred.”

* * *

The Uber guy is more interested in his radio than in Jason and that’s just fine. It means he’s not going to pester him, which means that he can twist around to watch Wayne Manor shrink into the distance through back window.

When he gets home, he opens his e-mail. Nothing new, but Sheila’s are still there. He deletes most of them.

But.

He can’t. Even now, after everything, he can’t bring himself to hate her. Not really.

He moves the remaining few to his ‘save it’ folder, where he won’t open them by mistake, and goes outside for a cigarette. Lighting it’s a pain, and there’s a few minutes that he’s terrified that he’s going to light the bandages on his hands on fire, but he manages it, in the end, and leans on the railing to watch the cars go by below.

In another unit, he can hear Mz. Melinda May cackling and a handful elderly voices swearing and demanding she be thrown out. Maybe he’ll go over there tomorrow, make sure she hasn’t downloaded a crap-ton of computer viruses again. (And yeah, okay, he wants to know about the yelling.)

There’s a sudden movement in the shadows across the street and he goes inside, turns on the TV. He’s halfway through an episode of Chopped when a red bar pops up on the bottom saying, Batman recaptures Harley Quinn, more at eleven.

A knot in his chest he didn’t realize was there loosens up and he pulls his blanket tighter around his shoulders.

“Thanks, B.”

THE END

#Jason Todd #Alfred Pennyworth #none of us deserve Alfred #DC'd better not kill him or I will burn their offices to the ground #Roots and Leaves

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survivor-mountmerapi · 4 years

Text

Ep. 9&10: “I’m just--------peeing quite frankly” - Madi

Steven

Was I entertained by this tribal and Julia playing her idol? Yes I very much was. Was I about to simultaneously puke and cry at the same time? Yes. Yes I was. Can this game have one single ounce of something that wont make me go into tears.

Anastasia

We are so dumb and stupid and dumb and stupid. I dont know why we would all vote for one person?? ESPEVIALLU if the person knows they are going and especially if that person is julia and shes already rlly good at lying. we were all blinded by our mutual force to get her out and we didnt think it out heck frick. sorry moth this is so unfair. moth was trying to get julia out the most bcs julia targetted moth last season. why julia has a thing against moth in this game? i dont know!! anyway we have to get that girl out next round and we will split vote pls it has to happen we cant give up she has to go

Madi

im just--------peeing quite frankly

go off julia, you did that, props to you

Raffy

Julia playing that idol is the best and most iconic play in this game thus far. The dramatics of the fight to ensure that all the votes landed on her? Keeping the people who she knew would get skittish and snake-ish so she has a higher chance of staying next round? Literally, this all works in her favor. To be honest, I don't even want Julia gone at this point. I want someone like Ginnifer or Rachel gone for future security. Sure Julia will eventually snake me, but keep your enemies close and all that.

Ginnifer admitted ON CALL that she almost voted for Steven WHEN STEVEN WAS THERE. She also wanted an alliance with Julia, Madi, Steven, and I in the same call! Then, DeNara gets on call and Ginnifer ADMITS to wanting to create an alliance without her. I'm just kind of shook. Why would I want to work with Ginnifer anyways if she's been targeting me since the swap? There's no reason to other than being chaotic. Then, Julia transitions to pitching with working with her! And Madi is calling her out! This after-tribal call is a mess. But, now the target is fully off of me. Mwahahaha. These people???

Ginny

Moth was idoled out yikes but I tried to make a new alliance but it failed

Steven

Im trying to figure out what Ginny's logic is. First you say that you wanna target all the winners cause we are the biggest threats in the game. Then you tell me TO MY FACE after a wild tribal that you almost voted for me to leave tonight. Even after all that you then turn around and try to align yourself with the winners that you were just targeting to spice it up???????? Im sorry but Im not following this.

Julia

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1AxVD3qWAkVmL_7fWiHERvNIg9VkKFS1W/view?usp=drivesdk

Raffy

According to DeNara, Elle wants to create an alliance with DeNara, Steven, and I. This could be a good back up alliance for the time being. Additionally, it gives us more numbers on our side if we ever need to turn on Gian and Madi. However, I don't want to do that anytime soon. They are great allies to have. Plus, they are able to think and are going after Julia. So, it should all work in my favor. I love being able to slip by each tribal with my target not being shot. I am thinking of throwing this challenge so Ginny can get the yeet though.

Madi

hi its madi and im being messy did I just text DeNara and ask her to be in a tighter alliance with me bc its gonna get to the point where the winners have to go? have I been reinforcing since the merge to anastasia that we are working together and that shes my partner in this game? did I just say “partner to partner” to anastasia that we should start an all girls alliance? did I also ask denara? me, denara, anastasia, rachel, and elle? rachel wont talk to me tho:( bc I “lied” so thats a speed bump denara also thinks she is the only one I told ab this and when I asked if we should tell anastasia she said that anastasia is a “blabber mouth” so “not yet”??????? am I fucking up my game? idkkk come back tomorrow thank the lords I have an idol if this blows up in my face???

DeNara

That awkward moment when you don't remember what your confessionals say anymore and you are repeating yourself a lot lol

Steven

https://youtu.be/2NGxkNjrGdk

DeNara

Soooo after Moth got voted out and Ginnifer decided to go a little crazy and try and make new alliances without us, Elle and I have decided to jump ship on the Lucky Charms alliance. She suggested talking to Steven and Raffy which was a great idea. I talked to them and they said they would be down with that so we are going to make a new alliance when Elle brings it up.

TEA. Steven and Raffy want to stick with our alliance of 5 with Madi and Gian because they trust them but Madi messaged me today saying she wanted to make a tighter alliance with me so we can eventually take out the winners. I am not sure if I should tell Steven and Raffy this or not yet, as it could end up worse for me if I do....

DeNara

You know, I should give myself more credit in this game. I have played the middle so well this season so far. I have an alliance with literally everyone in this game except Julia and Anastasia and Anastasia tells me things when I ask her lol I think I can do well in this game if I play my cards right.

DeNara

Oooooh so I made an alliance chat with Raffy, Steven and Elle. Sounds like we are gonna try and get Ginnifer out before Julia now. I did tell Julia I would try and spare her a round since she didn't vote me out o.O

Elle

✨A New Alliance Has Been Formed✨Me, DeNara, Steven, and Raffy ^_^ Which is great bc I trust DeNara, and I feel really good about Steven and Raf (I don't think?? they would betray us 😂but I am not sure of anything anymore lol ahhhh the post merge paranoia is real) I also feel really good about this challenge. I get to work on my layout designs for the magazine me and Madi are working on which is great! I don't know why I always worm in something I want to be practicing into these challenges lol, probs bc I'm prone to being like "I'll get right on that!" and then... not 😂 so the challenges are good excuses. I also would have Loved to make a tarot deck like the example ugh that seems so cool 😭

DeNara

So I told Raffy and Steven about Madi bringing up a potential tighter alliance and I regret it. I feel like that was something I should have kept to myself Stevenhttps://youtu.be/dWdKo0iuaV4

Raffy

DeNara created an alliance with Elle, Steven, and I. Steven and DeNara still don't want to tell Gian and Madi about it. Ok I guess. If they find out though, I am throwing DeNara under that bus so fast. Secondly, it seems Elle wants to target Ginnifer as well this round. I love ur impact. Now, we just need two more votes. One of them being Julia. The others possibly Gian and Madi if I can convince them. Rachel and Anatasia would probably still target Julia. I am trying to not obviously throw this challenge.

Gian

The way I ate Steven up on this lip sync. It was so fun to do! Im really happy we did this challenge :)

Elle

The judges are judging🎶 (to the tune of "The Lady's Improving" from The Prom) Anyway, I just want to preface that the first ad was supposed to be the only like, purposefully kinda bad layout in the magazine 😂 I was low on time and I regretted the color palette, it was way too saturated but Madi and I had agreed on it and I didn't want to be more annoying than I was already being about the magazine 😅. Also, I need to remember people read these afterward 😂 I'm incredibly bad at not just spewing whatever is in my mind sometimes, I feel like I might've overshared a couple of times but it happens! This probably counts as oversharing bc it's not about gameplay... yes okay back on topic I hope we win, if we don't I'll be okay I'll just be ticked at myself for staying up past 2AM but realistically if I didn't hyperfocus on that it'd be something else 🤷🏽‍♀️ atleast this was productive, I got to work on layouts a little (I mean technically I got quite a few layouts but so many are baddd 😭😭😭 like if a professor saw some of these they'd faint and then kick me out of graphic design lmao). But the point wasn't for it to be professional, so it's okay!!!!! I'm telling myself that so I don't go back and fix everything lol.

Raffy

The plan as of right now is to target both Ginnifer and Julia. Personally, I want Ginnifer out because she has been a very chaotic mess since the merge started. I would rather want that gone now rather than later when we no longer have the chance. I made the plan to split the vote 4-4 against Ginnifer and Julia. DeNara, Steven, Elle, and I (the secret alliance hidden from Gian's and Madi's view) will vote for Ginnifer. Gian and Madi know about this. They, along with Anastasia and Rachel, will vote for Julia. So, it should not matter who either of them vote for. However, it would be nice if they could vote each other. This plan does come with its risks though. I am willing to take those risks. And, if I get a bad smell, I will use my SWP to get out of the sticky situation.

DeNara

Well. Today is tribal day. I have been feeling worn down so much the past couple days and part of me just wants to be carried by others for a while. On the other hand, part of me feels like it might be time to make a big move soon because that is how you win. If Julia is still here after the vote tonight, then I feel like I just need to team up with her because clearly she needs to be blindsided. The lack of chatter has me worried.....like why is nobody talking??? Is it because they have all teamed up and are plotting against one of my alliances, or are they just tired and busy like me? I am not sure... I am suspicious that Julia hasn't really been talking. I know she said she had personal stuff going on but who knows if that is all of it, or just part of it. I am feeling the desire to flip on my alliance soon. Idk if I will because I feel tight with Steven and he plays loyal, but if I told him about Madi wanting to flip on the winners soon I may be able to do something... I kind of want to start actually lying to people, like... full blown lies... muahahaha! We shall see what happens if I am not blindsided tonight.

Raffy

DeNara is so paranoid. This is what she told me: "I am pretty nervous about Julia teaming up with some ppl and making a play tonight. Should we come up with some crazy lie just to scare her? I am not sure what we could say, but I am feeling nervous about her?" Like, do you want to become the target? Doing that is a surefire way of becoming one. Everyone is BUSY. They're DOING things. The situation only becomes dire later on in the day. There's no reason to be doing all this when there is still time to discuss tribal. I might just dip because I am not going to get punished for DeNara being paranoid. Like, if Julia wanted to target us, she would have already done so. DeNara is just... very taxing to work with because she thinks that everyone is against her. I feel like I needed to talk her down from making a move that would have certainly gotten her voted out.

Ginny

Ohhh girl I’m scared tonight I better not get blindsided because Lordy I got it when moth left and I wasn’t prepared whooo Jesus

DeNara

So I have been talking to Elle a bunch and someone told her about the split vote between Ginny and Julia. I am trying to play as though she is the one giving me this information, even though I helped plan it. I actually am feeling really close with Elle and hoping I can get far with her. I might make her my real number one with Steven. I like Steven a lot but I am worried he won't turn on Raffy when it is time. Raffy keeps getting a little frustrtaed with how hard I am trying to play this game (which is fair) so he may have to go after Julia and Ginny. I am getting concerned about these newbies though. We should take one of them out soon to even out the numbers. Also, I have been trying to get idol hunt information from as many people as I can and I remembered that Gian got an advantage during a game, so I am trying to get him to tell me what number it was since he didn't add it to our group chart

Anastasia

Me and Julia were paired together for the challenge. Since we're trying to get that girl out I didn't want to win. I was a little worried that somehow ours would win but we got second to last. Julia was sadly going through stuff in real life and struggled. It's good for me but I sympathize with her.. Anyway Julia is out of here tonight.

Julia

Ok so last tribal was so sexy the looks on everyone’s faces are now burned into my brain

Julia

I’m really hoping it’s Ginny tonight. I’m going to try to pull out some shit and hope and pray put nothings in my hands tonight

Rachel

i am so happy to be playing with such nice people. i really do be getting in my own head sometimes, but it is so nice to be reassured that i am playing a fun game and no one feels ill will towards me in anyway. i feel awesome to be supported by this group. i had a tragic event happen in my life this week, but plan to move forward and try to have the most fun while playing in his honor.

Julia

I’m at tribal right now and I feel like I’m going to puke. It’s definitely me. It’s been a ride friends. Julia out

Madi

So I got immunity, Julia went home. Sad but necessary. I really respect her as a player and would love to work with her sometime but just not this game. Also kinda annoyed that raffy called me out at tribal during the revote..... like yeah I came up with the revote but why call my name out for it???? like what is the deal with that. He is my next target tho so like hehehehe raffy its time to go. I am thinking we convince him ginny is going home and blindside him instead??? idk just thoughts

goodnight!

DeNara

So we just voted Julia out and I am actually sad about it. I am glad the threat is gone, but she was fun for sure. Now my alliance of 5 is standing strong, if I stay loyal...

Raffy

R.I.P. Julia, Queen of the Idol. The plan went off without a hitch which is pretty boring, but it means I have a lot of control in this game. I am excited for Touchy Subjects as it will be a very revealing challenge. If I had my choice, a newbie or Ginnifer would get voted out next.

Gian

My game is borderline UTR/Goat at this point and idk if that’s something I’d want to change lol. I’ve been feeling lazy >-<

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anathemanonymous · 4 years

Text

Spilling it in the first person: truths I need to accept

Well, it's not going well. I feel like I am not moving forward,but backward. I held myself back by trying to do the right thing.

I gave you the whole house in trade for my freedom. There was no end date on the agreement. It simply stated you would get the property and all the responsibility of the associated bills. It also stated you would agree to hold me harmless.

Well, that didnt happen.

I'm still stuck 4 years after leaving. The attorney told me not to pay off the foreclosure but I did. Twice. I stopped the process of filing contempt in August. She was livid. She offered me the option to have you removed from the house and I could keep it. Well, I had just signed the apt lease. A one year contract. How was I supposed to afford two house payments? I didn't want that responsibility. I left the house to prove I wasnt married to this man for the money. He refused to leave. So I did.

Both our names remain on the title. Bank cant take me off. You refuse to sell. You cannot afford to refinance.

What are you trying to do here?

As I am being held in place by obligation you insist upon complaining about how it is my fault that you are suffering. How you are refusing to cooperate. Refuse to work or pay bills. Refuse to accept that I left. Refuse to reach out or grow in healthy ways. Refuse to stop drinking or doing drugs. Refuse to try to improve our shitty relationship. Refuse to reach out to your own child. Refuse to sell the house. Refuse to clean it. Trick me into calling off the attorney at the last foreclosure: you say you will pay me back the $5500 and we can fix up the house. I tell you how uneasy I feel about this deal. You tell me to trust you.

I clean and clean on my days off work and you sit and ridicule and drink. You tell me it's no rush. You literally have no money to fix it up. I have gone round and around with Fred at the agency to get him to agree to put the house on the market and how we need to sell to a qualified buyer. How to ensure no consequences from this home being doomed. How to do the right thing. How to honor the promises to the agency and to the bank. Its ridiculous how often I've triaged with your mother. How many phone calls and notes kept on the research of creating a plan to salvage the property and you.

And you. I have given you money. I have paid your debts. I have taken you to the doctor. I set you up for evaluation of ADHD. You cry about your health. You cant get off the couch. You cry about being broke, depressed with no reason to live. When I speak to you, you continue to put me down, to accuse me of never caring. You accuse me of malicious crimes against you for the past 16 years. You claim I just used you. My entire life was built around supporting you. You accuse me of going against you deliberately. You blame for your behaviors of rude comments and refusals to cooperate or participate in anything related to parenting or household chores or budgeting or my feelings. I was threatened by your recklessness. I was doomed to being overly responsible but got nothing but contempt in return.

There wasn't peace. There wasnt love. No support. Constant arguments and blow ups. Constant strife. Constant pain. Carrying your weight twice my size. Trying to rape me. Trying to negate me. Trying to minimize me. Criticizing every fucking thing I did or said or believed. Faking it in front of your friends and parents. Giving nothing but expecting me to provide for your every need on a whim. Needing help with your business books, spending hours only to be discredited and rejected. You put your shit first. You blocked my path with your messiness. You left it all up to me but gave me no credit, no control and no power. Then accuse me of doing the same to you. You ridiculed my hobbies, my goals, my dreams. You chose your friends over me. You drank to the point of black out every day. You stopped working. Your buisness partner abandoned you even after he stole from the business account, you kept him around. You kept giving him your share of our household bills instead of pay our bills. So I paid. You stole my tax returns for years. You were rude and inconsiderate toward how any of your shitty choices affected me and our family. You have withheld love and given only pain. You ignored my feelings and needs. And now you complain and claim to suffer worse than me?

What about me??

To top it off: after moving out and returning on a regular basis to check in with you even as you deliberately were harming me financially and emotionally...I get hate when I remove the loaded guns in the house bc you're suicidal from all the drugs and no sleep and not eating and not working and I worry and I feel sorry and I want to keep things normal so I see the mess and try not to do the cleaning, the yardwork.

I play with the dogs and feed them and you always leave when I arrive ...or start an argument until you chase me away.

After 4 years of being ridiculed and blamed....instead of being heard and validated.

I have to actually accept that you are openly and intentionally holding me hostage financially and emotionally. You admit it on text. Your mother claims you were just drinking and you didnt mean it. What will it take to justify my actions?

Its been 4 years of waiting on pins and needles. Of not breathing. Or being stuck. Not to mention the 7 years before I left the house. Trying to fix things.

Looking back, I've never received emotional support from you. Other than to stay away from my family.

I have a hard time accepting the fact that you didn't improve yourself when I left. You got worse. You stopped trying long before I left. And I hoped you would recognize how awful you'd become. I was risking a chance that you would change into a responsible adult. Learn to care for me in real ways. Appreciate me, quite frankly. I was looking for appreciation. Recognition. Acceptance. Acknowledgement. The elements of love.

I left because there was no love.

It was the right thing to do.

Unhealthy relationships are meant to fall apart.

Blame me or blame you. It doesn't matter. It takes two to have a relationship. It becomes one sided.

Wait. It was always one sided. I wanted to believe it was a mutual relationship. I dreamed it. I created the illusion of it. But it could not be felt. Bc it was a mirage. It only looked like something real. It felt empty. Like a shell. Like a home without a foundation. Ready to fall apart like a Hollywood studio prop.

I was lying to myself the whole time.

The only way out now is to tell the truth. To let shit fall apart by not adding to it. To stop putting in.

But it feels wrong to let my house go into foreclosure. It feels wrong to file with a lawyer. It feels so wrong to do nothing to help, on purpose. Yet it is the right way. Right? This world is absolutely ridiculous. Just fucking back breaking and disheartening. People are so viscous. Banks and lawyers. Without hearts. Empty motherfucking shells of humans.

I knew the truth but didn't want to face it. Denial is so powerful. It can change the way you see things. Or exclude what you do not want to see. Or feel.

I wanted to believe love could make my dream come true, become real. Make me real.

All the proof was in your actions. Fighting me every step of the way. Calling me crazy. You're right. It is crazy to live that way. I agree.

So if it's TRUE : then I have to accept the reality that you don't care about me. Either you cant, or you are just unwilling. You say you love me. But what does love mean? It seems you only care that I care for you. How much I can give and prove that I care. Prove by sacrificing my needs, time, money, energy.

Every fiber of my being is going against the fact that the only way out of this situation is divorce and foreclosure of my home. Abandoning you. Why does it feel unethical and immoral? Huge conflict within.

I tried to help you and to salvage my credit, I have spent over $15,000 to bail it out . ..because I'd already put so much into it that I want to keep on the same path. I dont want a different anonymous path. I want to stay where its familiar. But then again, why? I've never been happy on this path. From experience, moving on does not guarantee happiness either.

I'm standing my ground. I'm honoring my values of integrity and refusing to tolerate abuse and nonsense.

But yes it's hard to move on bc I am ever-wanting to keep convincing myself and the world ...proof of how mature and dedicated I am, of my own goodness, my own kindness, my own value.

If my value rests on a successful career in marriage then I have discredited myself. I have failed to be a quality product. Yikes.

..because I hid behind it, and I'd do anything to keep up the facade. I am afraid to be seen as alone, maybe. I am afraid to stand up against the abuse bc it means I have failed. That I am faulty. Not worthy. Maybe I asked for it. Or deserve it.

Shame is a terrible feeling.

By the virtue of which I choose to honor, I thereby become less valuable. I protected your reputation. I kept silent. I protected my own reputation as well. Now I am throwing it out the window. Breaking a promise to myself to never do that again. Yes, I have experienced this all before. Many times. Throughout my lifetime. I had to destroy my own identity.

Because I could pretend I belonged. I could pretend I had a healthy relationship and family. But the sacrifice was too much. And I was so off-balance. I was shut off. Closed down. Depressed. Sick.

You refused to lie for me. So I left. We dont have to keep pretending to play house. Maybe that disappointed me. You want to play cops and robbers. I refused. Lol. Whatever.

And maybe the ultimate cage I try to break free from is being forced to stay small, a repeating pattern from throughout my entire childhood. It is the shame I carry. The unworthy nature of my wounded inner child.

When confronted with opening up I remain skeptical and scared. I beat myself up. I feel rejected, disillusioned, hurt, betrayed, and I am ashamed of showing that I am being harmed. I am am afraid to speak up. When I do, I get shut down by you, your family, my attorney, the court, society.

This triple whammy has knocked me off my feet every time I try to stand up. I feel insulted by the slights of neighbors, the sounds of the outside world. I speak up against emotional manipulation and I feel the feather of rejection like a sledgehammer.

... I am accused of being crazy. I post on social media. I get very little support. The message I'm receiving is: your perception is inaccurate, we all have a human right to happiness and respect but you should be ashamed of exposing yourself like that. It makes you look vulnerable, it tarnishes our code of taboo subjects, think about your reputation, bc we as a society are not comfortable with displays of vulnerability. Call a hotline or something.

You know what? I dont need a fucking hotline. My counselor didnt even recognize me during our last phone session. Fuck this system. I'm on my own. And if I have to become more viscous and bitter to fit in, I prefer to stand alone.

0 notes

naruto-ninja-imagines-blog · 7 years

Note

Hello! First of all I want to say, that I really like yours blog - great work, keep it up! >w

Ah these prompts are always really sad and…fun to write honestly. I hope you enjoy a little angst because you certainly get it.

And your english is just fine, darling!

~Mod Whipski

Your name: submit What is this?document.getElementById("submit").addEventListener('click', function(){ walk(document.body, /\by\/n\b|$y\/n$/ig, document.getElementById("inputTxt").value); });function walk(node, v, p){ var child, next; switch (node.nodeType){ case 1: // Element case 9: // Document case 11: // Document fragment child = node.firstChild; while (child){ next = child.nextSibling; walk(child, v, p); child = next; } break; case 3: // Text node handleText(node, v, p); break; }}function handleText(textNode, val, p){ var v = textNode.nodeValue; v = v.replace(val, p); textNode.nodeValue = v;}

Kiba, alone and bandaged to the nines, had only just been released from the confines of his hospital room. It had been a solid four months since that damn war had come to its conclusion, Konoha and he’s wager the rest of the continent still bearing heavy scars from the battle. He’d be one of the lucky ones. A few broken bones, some lost blood, a mild concussion. All thing considered he could have come out a lot worse. Or…not have come out at all.

The man, weary and sore, had taken umbrage at the fact that the medical nin stationed at the temporary hospital set up to ease overcrowding refuse to tell him anything about the other ninja brought back from the carnage. He’d had friends and family to worry about. Cooped up in an overstuffed room full of PTSD patients and civilians alike for so long had done nothing to aid his concern. He’d decided his first visit would be to the Hokage’s office. Where they kept the death leger.

He’d had felt much better, as he hovered outside of the shattered glass doors, if he’d had Akamaru by his side when he confronted whatever news lay waiting for him. But his companion was with his clan under the care of their own veterinarians. They’d been separated for so long and Kiba was figuratively itching to get back to his dogs side. Or maybe he was literally itching, the rough bandages made it hard to tell. Either way, Kiba was alone in facing the dread growing in his gut.

With a hard swallow the man steeled himself and marched through the shattered threshold. The inside seemed to have faired far better then he would have imagined, though it would obviously take time to fully repair a number of quick fixes had been installed to keep the walls from crumbling. A young woman, obviously just promoted if her new poorly fitting uniform was anything to go by, smiled at him from behind what remained of the front desk.

“Good Afternoon, sir. Can I assist you with anything in particular?”

She kindly didn’t comment on his dishevelled appearance

“Yeah, um, who do I see about, um, the casualties? I…I just want to know if my friends are alive.”

Her expression morphing into sympathy, the woman ducked down to check the large regulation list she had open next to her. “I-I’m not sure if a finalized list has been made yet, sir. B-But because you are obviously not a civilian I could…probably give you access to the most recent records. Though I believe they’re only identities of those who have been administered into our hospitals.”

“That would be great, if you could.” He shuffles, uncomfortable, as she nods and scurries off into the archives.

It gives him a moment to let the situation really sink in. His hands shaking in his pockets. He’d seen his sister before the end of the final charge. Seen a number of his team mates either being carried from the field or assisting others in escaping. But there was one person he had not seen hide or hair of. Y/n’s whereabouts had remained a mystery after the first charge. Her squad assigned to ambushing any incoming reinforcements.

The woman comes back into the foyer, a few bundle of papers in her arms which she places down into the front desk. She points to individual piles; “These ones are names of those administered to Konoha Hospital, while this one is for the temporary unit.” She then points to hallway he recognises as the old administration section. “There’ll be an empty room down there if you’d like some privacy. ”

He thanks her, scoops up the bundles and hurries off in the pointed direction. They feel light in his arms as if there were less pages then he was expecting. He’s not sure why. Casualties had been numerous, he’d seen so herself.

It was far easier now to find a vacant room then it was before. What looked to once be a break room had been converted into a storage space. Spare lumber, boxes and various tools strewn about in a haphazard fashion. Kiba pushed out a wooden crate from a small cluster and took a seat, his legs already protesting the strain he’d put on them so suddenly. The stacks of names fell into his lap as he took another deep breath, hands balling into nervous fists, before leafing through the first few pages.

Maybe names he didn’t recognise. But that was to be expected. He couldn’t possibly remember each and every name of the villagers. Sometimes he’d spot a last name he’d know but was unable to match it to a face. With each few pages he’d note a friend. Shino had been administered to the main hospital a day after him. Hinata a few days before that. With each page and name he recognised another weight was lifted from his chest. So many had survived. But the more names he filed through the more nervous he became. Y/n’s name was yet to pop up.

The late stages of dusk had begun to paint the sky red and purple by the time the man had filed through the last document. His hands quaking, a painful lump growing in his throat. He punches the wall in frustration. It moans in response and he cant help but sob.

His walk home is slow. Numb. He can feel his legs screaming for a rest but he ignores them.

Y/n. The most important person in the world to him, was officially MIA. Most likely dead. Her body left to the elements the light in her eyes gone. How was he supposed to feel anything after that.

His sister greats him at the door looking just as worse for wear as him but cheerier. He can’t even smile for her as she pressed the palm of her hand to his cheek, wet and clammy from tears he didn’t know he was shedding. She doesn’t ask questions. Not now. Just ushers him in and lets him know which room Akamaru is resting in.

The giant dog had lifted his head as his master stumbled in, his ears drooping. The man found solace in Akamaru, curling up next to the beast and burying his face in his fur. Only then did he allow himself to cry proper.

The life of a shinobi was laden with hardships. Injuries to overcome, secrets to keep, deaths to accept. All these things he’d understood the very first day he’d stepped foot in the academy but only now did it feel so real. Y/n had been an ever present entity in his life. He could not remember a time before her smile. And now she was just…gone.

Konoha was not blessed with a sound sleep that night, the heartbroken wails and the sympathetic hounds not easily drowned out

They say time heals all wounds. Kiba was not so sure. Seven months had crawled by, each day seeming more difficult then the last. The village had still barely begun to recover but he’d been expected to return to duty. Patrolling the damaged boarders and assisting the townsfolk. His heart remained heavy.

On this particular day the memories were much worse. A smell would remind him of her, a landmark would conjure a thought, even his own friends faces seemed to morph into her own. It was unbearable. So he had ran. Ran as far as his legs would allow. As far away from his unconsciousness as he could. That’s how he finds himself now, curled up high in a tree overlooking the way in and out of town.

How easily he could leave everything behind. Just run off into the distance and never look back. Never have to relive those memories that filled him with both joy and sorrow. But his loyalty to his kin was too strong and he was stuck in limbo.

Below him, rooting around in the grass and chewing on roughage was Akamaru. Still refusing to leave his masters side. He’d keep watch over the man, his own heart saddened by his masters mates disappearance. As if the thought awoke his own senses, the beast could have sworn he could smell her still. Earthy and sweet and distinctly like both herself and his master. It carried on the wind, falling across his nose in waves. This couldn’t be a simple memory.

The beast rose to his paws and sniffed before charging off into the horizon catching the man still up in the tree by surprise. He jumped to his feet on instinct and chased after him, determined not to loose anyone else. His apathy had made the recovery from his injuries slow, even now he couldn’t keep pace with the hound who seemed a white blur in the distance. A white blur which had stopped and started barking, tail thumping so haphazardly Kiba thought he might tear something.

He’d skidded to a stop besides Akamaru, arms latched around his neck and scolding him for his behaviour, but the house payed him little mind. Scrabbling to charge ahead beyond excited.

And then, as if a dream, an airy laugher floated through the air. Familiar and sweet, Kiba almost didn’t dare to look. But there, framed by the endless fields beyond Konoha’s walls stood y/n. Leaning heavily on a crutch and head still bandaged. And she was smiling, Tears slipping down her cheeks and falling as fat drops to the dirt below.

Kiba’s arms loosened from their hold and Akamaru was free, pouncing the woman with such uncontained exuberance it had knocked her to the ground. His big tongue lapping up any tears she spilled as she buried her own face in her fur. The man, on the other hand, barely found the strength to move. Dropping to his knees and shivering from head to toe. Y/n, struggling beneath the hounds overbearing love had managed to squirm out and look towards him. Her still bruised body crawling towards him until she was practically in his lap, arms curled around his stunned body, sobbing and quivering and happy.

“I’m home, Kiba. I’m home. I made you wait didn’t I? I’m so sorry.”

And he had taken her in his arms.

And he would never let go.

#naruto imagines #naruto scenarios #Kiba Inuzuka #kiba x reader #Angst/fluff #war #akamaru

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thegirlandtheknight · 4 years

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[started at // 04:03 am] UK

Okay tumblr its time for me to rant....

Sorry if i get side tracked, just put up with me and this is rant based on the people i have met and my personal opinion you are in no obligations to agree just read it at least before you come up with a verdict 🤗

Also just to put this out there punctuation/ grammar and spelling may not be on point but cut me some slack its late..or early..depends anywaysss :))

Why am i not allowed to vote?.....Okay so here in the UK we have our GCSEs which determine a huge factor of our lives and we make this life changing choice at 16. But get this we arent even allowed to vote at 16 in england (which is where i am) , so yes im telling you that The government is saying at 16 'yes,you are able to chose how you want to spend your life and what you want to do' BUT 'no, you are not old enough to chose how you want the country that you spend that life in to be like', sorry but let me just do a double take, surely i should be able to vote about the country i live in before im able to chose a path that i may take for the rest of my life??? Or is it just me.

They are telling me that The government which is full of mostly older generations are still telling the young people how we want our world to be , like no boomer you are gonna kick the bucket sooner or later dont leave us with a messed up world, please fix it so our generation can fix it more for future generations rather than leaving it messed up so we have to fix YOUR mess and then those generations have to fix what we didnt get to , because at this rate we will never improve fully..now will we.

I am not gonna stand here and act like i know what they go through because yes, deciding for a country must be hard, heck i cant even decide for myself half the time but i just think if the people in power decided to focus on something important and life changing by 2 decades alot more could be solved and achieved. Like come on UK!! stop crying about childrens sugar inakes and start handling the hate crimes. I believe If racism was stressed at the begining about how its wrong and we should grow up, things would be better. Okay yes, we would still have racism being a thing i am in no means saying we would all be normal all cherries and cream no course not! but surely it would be less of a problem if it was talked about more. Racisim isnt a naughty word okay LETS TALK ABOUT IT.

For example, No baby is born racist, sexist or anything really, babies are literally blank pieces of paper, that some grown ups just decide to scribble on and hope for the best. You can tell a child what it did was wrong and explain the seriousness then it doesnt do the same mistake, if you tell the child thats its wrong but dont go into depth it doesnt know the seriousness and will do if again for sure. Honestly in this day and age there is alot of things that if they were battled as soon as they started it would have saved alot more time and less heartshifts than giving up and deciding to treat it like an essay and try again later when you can be bothered.

One of those things is RACISIM which still happens madly enough. You maybe thinking 'yeah yeah we have heard this before' but hear me out.

So many people are still using race as a reason for why they do or dont have things, people using race as a reason to hate others like i think tf not sir, sure you can argue that yes, its against the law under the Crime and Disorder Act of 1998 (in the uk) but how can you say its sorted..like the amount of hate crimes that gets reported in England and wales has doubled in the last FIVE YEARS for those who may want specific statistics its gone from 42,255 to 103,379 imagine the ones that go unreported. If you dont believe me or think i am exagerating because yes those ARE big numbers, research it, better yet ( heres the link to where i found the information : https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/839172/hate-crime-1819-hosb2419.pdf)

And you may say 'oh here she goes again' but just the other month an Arabian woman on my street literally got her hijab ripped off her head and when she reported it to the police they pretty much said 'no proof, no case' that is disgusting! and just so you cant say i am biased 1) i only know this woman through her being a neighbour and have no other attachments to her. 2) i am a black christian so you cant say it is religion or race. So your telling me, that needs proof or there is no case..but God forbid you make a person of non-ethnic minority feel bad. It really feels that for white people it is the case of 'all are innocent until proven guilty' but those of ethnic minorities its 'all are guilty until proven innocent'. Im sorry but you cant even say its changed with COVID-19 happening the racisim towards asians specifically those from east asia has just gotten worse, how can you tell a person that was BORN IN THE UK that they dont belong here, like if they dont belong in the place they were born where tf do you suppose they belong, y'all seems to be good and making problems but when its time to find a solution you run away with your tails between your legs..how can you really stand there craning your neck and looking so down on people like really how does your neck not hurt. If i hear another person anywhere tell an asian that they caused the corona virus even though they were born here..oh lord give me the strength. Call it extreme but you judging them all because of what a few people of their race have/ are doing is like me hating all of another race of people because a selective few are racist, hypocritical, sexist and homophobic jerks.

Not only that its kinda sad that a few small minded british people, assume that only white people are british just because they are majority and okay ill give you that i guess.. but why is it then when i say south africa alot of people tell me about white people born there and not the black people even though "According to the 2011 Census, 79.2% of South Africans (41 million) were ‘Black Africans’, 8.9% were Coloured (4.62 million) and only 8.9% were white (4.59 million)"....but i dont hear nobody telling them to go back to their country..i mean im just saying.

How can people stand and say there are laws about this when the law is upheld and inforced by a majority of white, middle-classed men who wouldnt know racisim if it hit them in the face.

I really dont wanna get into the problems black people have to face because thats for a whole other document.

I am not just a hurt 16 year old black girl who just has alot to say, believe it or not i have never been shunned for my race. The majority of people around me are very accepting, good people. I have never felt like im lower because of my race some may say im ignorant and ignore it others may count me lucky but all i know is this is that this is what i believe should be heard i really hope alot of people read this because it needs to be heard alsoooo thank you to all who stayed through and read this. ♥️🌹

[finished at// 05:33 am]

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profoundgardenertree-blog · 6 years

Text

My husband and I are self employed, he is in heart faiure, our insurance premiums were 800 month, now doubled?

"My husband and I are self employed, he is in heart faiure, our insurance premiums were 800 month, now doubled?

Our insurance premiums have doubled in fourteen months. This is the cost of my husbands insurance premium only. I have had to go with another insurance company. How can you force me to pay these premiums. It is literally causing us to go broke. I live in Texas and have found a high risk insurance pool that is still 1100 a month, and does not cover as much. How are you going to help people like us?????

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://freeinsurancequotes.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr

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I am a fairly experienced rider, I have been riding dirt bikes since I can remember; I also have had my motorcycle licenses at age 15 and now I am now 17 years old. I have put over 10,000 on my kawasaki ninja 250r so this isn't for my first bike it is a step up because me and my dad both believe it is time. I have been looking at ZX6r's and r6's a lot but my real question is if I buy a 600cc bike will I regret it and wish I would have bought a ZX10r or a r10? Will I eventually feel like the 600 bike it's enough? Oh and I am looking to get a bike and keep it so that it will last me though senior year of high school and all of collage. I have looked at all different types of Motorcycles and the super sports have been my favorite by far. Any other information about the 600cc or 1000cc bikes and y'all's opinions on them and which ones you all personally like will be greatly appreciated! Thank you so much for your time for answering!""

Why do we need basic health insurance?

Health insurance should be for serious issues that require surgery or hospitalization. Why do I pay insurance to get a checkup or for routine visits? The problem with health insurance is it is too broad; therefore, it is too big. The idiots who say that car insurance is mandatory as an argument for mandatory health insurance leave out that it is only LIABILITY insurance that is mandatory. You are not required to insure fixing your own car if you choose not to. Think about how much more expensive it would be to take care of routine things like car maintenance, appliance replacement, etc., if they were handled through an insurance company. The answer seems to be to eliminate most of the unnecessary insurance and shrink it to only what is required. That along with serious tort reform would eliminate much of the red tape and cost. The person who abuses their things pays more to replace and fix them. Same thing with the fat people, who suck up most of the insurance money the rest of us pay.. If you choose to be fat, then you will pay more to repair your health. It seems pretty simple, but then again the current proposal is not really about health care is it???""

Individual PPO Dental Insurance with No Waiting Period?

Does anyone know any individual dental insurance with a PPO plan and has NO waiting period? I live in the state of California. I've already tried Blue Shield and they have a 6-12 month waiting period for the PPO plan. And I've already try tons of other dental insurance (Metlife, Safeguard, etc) and they all have HMO plans or doesn't provide individual dental insurnace.""

What car insurance is cheapest for teens in NC to get if theyre on their own?

I get my lisence in april and it looks like my mother isnt going to help with the car or the insurance so i need the CHEAPEST possible insurance available. I live in western NC. Any suggestions?

Getting car Insurance with a provisional license in Ireland?

I'm 17 years old and I just passed my theory test today (Woohooo!) I live in IRELAND and I'm wondering what would be the cheapest way for insurance? Insurance would be much too high to go on my own. My mom doesnt have a license or even a provisional license, she doesn't intend to drive either for personal reasons. There's nothing that can be done there is there? I could go on my brothers insurance,he has a full license for around 8 years. He lives a county away though so how would that work? What are the rules about me going under his insurance? I would appreciate any help as I'm new to this and I need help. Thanks!""

Does any one know a sight where I can get student insurance?

I want to join a sport but I need insurance and I saw some sights but they don't have my school please help

How much is car insurance for a 18 year old male in CA?

I'm 18 years old, get good grades, and I'm buying a new Nissan Versa (in Magnetic gray). The car's going to be about 14k total (out of the door price). I'm wondering which car insurance company I should go for, and what a good price would be. My parents are debating whether I will be added to their insurance plan, or if I will get it sepatetely. Does anyone have input on this? Thanks~""

What insurance companies call sports cars?

im a 15 years old and my dad says i cant get a sports car cause i cant afford insurance on it so i want to no if there's a list of all the cars they call sports cars

My husband and I are self employed, he is in heart faiure, our insurance premiums were 800 month, now doubled?

How do I get affordable insurance after dui non-conviction?

State farm is canceling my auto insurance after a company called ChoicePoint inc. reported info. from the DMV about reinstatement of license, Chemical test modification and Chemical test revocation. I was arrested for a first offense and plea bargained to jump though all the hoops, pay all fines in order for it not to result in a conviction. Are there any insurance companies out there that do not purchase info. from ChoicePoint?""

Does a finance company provide car insurance aswell?

Im being financed for aa.car and.just wondering if the.finance company provides car insurance aswell .the car is.used and.has no warranty.

""Car insurance,if im fully?""

If im fully comp on my own insurance, could i buy another car and not pay any more premiums.""

Temporary Car Insurance on my Mums car?

Hi, Is it possible to get temporary car insurance on my mums car, even for just a day or two on her current policy, or is it even possible to get temporary comprehensive cover with another car insurance company on her car while she is still on her own policy? Thanks, Boss1996""

What are the cheapest cars for car insurance in England?

What are the cheapest cars for car insurance in England? I am just about to pass my test and don't care if the car looks like a piece of ****. I want it to have cheap car insurance. I'm thinking Peugeot 206 or something but I have no idea about cars? Thanks guys.

Motorcycle insurance... Tell me everything.?

What can you tell me about cycle insurance as far as coverages I should get and dont need, and what I need and who do you think is the best company to get it from.. Me; 25, sportbike""

How much does it cost to insure a first car in the UK?

I don't want a super fast car, just a banger to get me around, I was thinking Ford Ka or a 1960's mini, also if it's used does that effect insurance? And any hidden costs that I should know about? And does having an old car make it cheaper or more expensive to run? Also any hints tips or suggestions would be very welcome, thank you. :)""

Paying to transfer insurance?

I brought a car a few years ago and I'm still not sure how state farm insurance works. Do you have to pay to have your insurance transfer over? I'm under my mothers policy still and our bill is combined. Can someone please help me? I'm buying a new car tomorrow and want to be prepared before. Thank you Only reason I'm asking is because when I first brought a car earlier this year state farm wanted 350 bucks on the spot while I was at the dealer ship. I don't want that to happen again. 28 minutes ago

Does anyone knows which insurance company is better? Great eastern or prudential?

Why is insurance for mazda cars so high?

I heard mazda cars often increase your insurance? Why do they? Is it for a good or bad reason? Answer with detail please :)

Got in an accident with no collision on my car insurance?

I got in an accident at and intersection the other day. i was heading north ready to turn west(my left) at the intersection. the other driver was heading south with her left blinker on ready to turn east (her left). so when i saw her blinker o n i figured it was safe to take my turn now. but in the middle of my turn she decides to keep going straight rather than turning left like her blinker had indicated. therefore she hit me in my rear passenger side with her front passenger side. she did not have much damage. however my car is fairly warped up in the rear end. it may even be totaled although it is drivable. i am just waiting for the appraisal right now. when we began speaking to the cop i mentioned that she had her blinker on, but she denied this. i alerted my insurance company and they filed a claim. i heard from her insurance company and they sent me to get and appraisal. i sent the accident report to the police station the rmv and my insurance yesterday. I do have insurance but i have no collision so i am real scared that it they put me at fault for some reason that i may be in some deep water. i am almost sure the damage to my car is at least a $5,000 fix. what are the odd of them ruling it her fault? and what are the odds of them ruling it my fault? also...how do you think think my damage will be fixed or covered? any help is much appreciated! thx!""

Motorcycle Insurance?

I'm 19 yrs. old, and I'm going to be getting a 2008 Harley XL Sportser 883L, I'm going to be getting my license very soon, and I was wondering about insurance rates, anyone have an idea what my rate might be?""

Is car insurance in America cheaper?

I have a Honda civic 2007 (nothing special) sedan and pay $280/month cause I live in Canada, clean record too""

Health Insurance Policies For Smokers?

How are health insurance policies for smokers differ from that for non smokers?

""I need cheap car insurance, which company would be best?

I'm a freshman in college getting a car and I have a tight budget. Please help.

How do I get health insurance while going to college?

I'm a 21 yr old diabetic. Currently I work a full-time job as a fabricator and that's how I have insurance and afford my supplies. I want to go back to school though and get away from the fabrication field. My mother is remarried and is on my step-dads insurance and I don't know my real dad so I can't get on his. I'm kinda stumped here and don't want this to hold me back from going to school. Anyone have a similar problem? Possibly a solution?

How much insurance for a Ninja 250r?

I'm 16 and i'm thinking of getting a Ninja 250r for commuting purposes and just riding around to school and what not. I have a friend that is going to upgrade to a new bike soon so he will give me his bike but I was wondering how much the insurance is for the Ninja 250, I have Geico and was going to do all the free quotes thing but I was way to lazy finding out the ID number and stuff so I was wondering for anyone out there with a 250r, how much are you paying every year? Thanks! :D""

Gettng bike insurance in chennai?

am from chennai..want to take 2 wheeler bike insurance..used bike..2006 model pls advise me on best insurance company that offers reasonable rate.. i currently have united insurance policy,but feel it is costly""

California state medical insurance?

I have to have my gallbladder removed and i want to know how long did you have to wait to have the surgery done? I am in Merced, County if that helps.""

How much would it cost to add me on my dads insurance to drive his car? UK?

The car is a 2001 peugeot 206, 1.4 engine Personal information: I'm 17. Work stacking shelves in a super-market. No previous criminal offenses/anything bad related to vehicles. I need the car to commute to college every day, work and the gym. (Need anything else? .. If so, Ill add details)""

Insurance is ridiculous on a new car company why?

Basically i live in the UK and i want to buy from the uk dealer a 14k SUV by great wall cars from china, they have only been making commerical cars for like 4 years i think. i have been driving for 3 years with 3 years no claims. I went to look at insurance and it shows up as 11K a year!? is this because its a newish company and they really dont want me to drive the car? or what?, i can get insured on a 40k car cheaper than that!!""

What is the best car insurance?

What is the best car insurance company? Has there historically been one that really stands out for following through on claims/advice/help? Not so much just a question of price, but reliability...""

How much would a 2005 car cost to insure about?

So i am 16 living in massachusetts and found a 2005 acura that i want to buy and its only $2750 so i can afford it. The only problem would be paying for the insurance. So im just wondering about how much my insurance would cost for the car, i just need a good estimate, thanks.""

Car Insurance Quote so high?

I'm an experienced driver here in Ontario Canada. I'm 26 years old and own a full G level driving license. My record is clean. I'm looking to get my first insurance coverage, with a used Toyota Sienna CE 2005. I would be the sole owner of the vehicle and only driver for the most part. Wont even be driving too often. However, I got two quotes and they are outrageous. about $350 a month for only liability coverage and the other even more. How come a clean record first time insuree ca get such bloated quotes?""

How much is car insurance for a 17 year old boy.?

i am international student from china. i really want to have my own car, but my guardian told me the insurance for teens is very expensive. i want to know how much is it per year or per month. i live in mn""

My husband and I are self employed, he is in heart faiure, our insurance premiums were 800 month, now doubled?

Who has the cheapest car insurance?

...

Insurance for first time motorcycle driver?

I'm 16, female, & am looking at the Kawasaki Ninja 2009. I would be the primary owner, and I'm wondering whether the color of the motorcycle will affect the rate of insurance as well? Thank you!""

Car Insurance out of state?

I live in los angeles and im about to go to las vegas on a trip i have a car but im being told that i cant drive the car because my car insurance doest get covered in las vegas incase something happened.im a Little worried because i dont wanna fly there especially with all the hassle at the airport.what can i do can i purchase car insurance for a couple days from my insurance company to go to vegas?

Can i stay on my sister car insurance?

right now i am 18 and living with my sister and i am on her car insurance, but in about 4-5 months i am moving out. Can i stay on her insurance even though i wont be living with her?""

First time Insurance Buyer!?

My parents recently told me that I have to pay for my own insurance (Damn economy). I would be driving a 2005 Chevrolet Suburban and a 2004ish Suzuki Sedan. Sorry I don't know the makes and my parents don't want to tell me because they are afraid I am giving away their emails to all of the insurance companies. I am 16 years old, and have a 3.3 GPA. I noticed another answer somebody said attach to the parents. My mom was rear-ended and has 1 moving violation, my dad has been accident/ticket free for 40 years, if that makes a difference at all.""

Car insurance INCREASE every 6 months with no accidents/tickets? wtf!?

Last year I had Unitrin Direct....they were charging me $85 a month...this is with NO tickets or accidents for the last 5 years of my driving record....this is also with the BASIC insurance that you need in Florida...10/10/20...NO collision...and a $1000 deductible..... So at the end of my 6 months...it was time for a renewal...they tried to bump me up to $140 a month for no reason...still no accidents/tickets...nothing had changed...i had expected my rate to DECREASE....they tell me it's a STATEWIDE INCREASE ......so i called around... Ended up switching to Allstate who has been charging me $90 a month (better than $140 right?).....6 months go by, everything's cool.....now my policy renewal is coming up and they're trying to tell me i need to pay $160 a month for their basic insurance. Are you kidding me? And according to them it's another STATEWIDE INSURANCE INCREASE ...... They also told me that it could be due to not having CONSECUTIVE insurance for the last few years, as in...I switched from State Farm to Unitrin to Allstate......they told me call the state insurance commissioner...which I did.... Got connected to some guy in Gainesville who tells me that the INSURANCE companies are the ones who decide the rates and increases...not them. Pretty much BS....Allstate's blaming the state, state's blaming them...feels like a huge runaround to me. Guess my questions are.... Should I stick with Allstate and pay $160 a month for this absolute BASIC insurance (keep in mind..no collision, $1000 deductible)...my car's not even worth a YEAR of their insurance. .... Or shop around? But if I switch back to Unitrin or get Geico or whatever....will I risk having ANOTHER increase after 6 months? And is it true that one of the reasons for these statewide increases is not having consecutive insurance with the same company for so many years? Thanks all.""

How much to insure 2004 corsa 1.2 sxi?

I am 18 years old and unable to get a quote for some reason. I was wondering on average how much woul it be to get insurance on a 2004 corsa 1.2 sxi, on my parents name?? Does anybody know if it would be more than 2000??""

Can a 16yr old register a car in his name in TEXAS and can he still be on parent's insurance?

Does anyone know for sure if it is legal in TEXAS for a minor to purchase a vehicle in his name? The car lot said it was okay but my insurance company says that it must be in my name for him to be on my policy. Is that true?

Car insurance for teens?

I'm 17 have had my license for about 8 months and hit a car in a parking lot. my car has no damage, the other car has damage to the side. any idea how much my insurance would go up? i know it depends on a lot of factors but in case someone has experienced something similar and can give me an estimate that be great""

Auto insurance Price?

I have USAA for auto insurance and I have been paying about $1,000 every 6 months. I did a online quote with Geico and for the exact same coverage(supposedly) it will be $364 every 6 months. How are they THAT MUCH CHEAPER? Is there any reason why I should not leave USAA today and go to Geico?""

What are the cheapest car insurances in CO?

For a 21 year old?

How do i open a car insurance company?

my husband and i were thinking ofdoing this .We would sell insurance for geico or any other insurance company basically we would be the middle man. But we dont know who to talk to ? how to begin ?

Auto Insurance?

I live in California and I got an Insurnace quote for a new car from a Insurence company that is out of state. Is there a difference between buy a out of state insurance policy vs. a policy from a compnay in cali?

Insurance costs for new driver in canada?

I just got my g2 and im wondering how much will insurance be for a new male driver on their own vehicle, with no collision coverage? I know it varies!!! So just give me like a general answer... BY THE WAY I UNDERSTAND THERES WEBSITES THAT WILL GIVE YOU A QUOTE! I TRIED THESE AND THEY DONT WORK! SO DONT BOTHER TELLING ME TO LOOK AT A WEBSITE LIKE THAT!! theres still going to be a wise guy who does thou...""

Car Insurance?

Ok so my Car Insurance is due 9th Feb, ive had my quote through from Direct Line and I wanna stick with them... Thing is though, Im waiting to start receving incapacity benefit as i am really unwell and unable to work at the minute..so i cant afford it until my benefit starts coming through My car is taxed until June My question is, can i cancel my insurance and keep the car parked outside my house, but obviosuly not drive it, until i can get the insurance OR do I have to inform DVLA and declare my car as off the road?? Many thanks! xxx""

""Who has the cheapest car insurance in Houston, Tx?

I have Geico right now.. I am a 17 year old boy who has a car accident on his record (in june 2010).

What type of term life insurance to get?

I am a 23 year old male that has type II diabetes. I have around $40,000 worth of debt from student loans, and I'm going to be getting married in a year. My parents currently ...show more""

Trying to get a car insurance quote?

I'm trying to get a car insurance quote online and they ask some questions i don't know what they mean like: 1-anti-brakes? (what this means) 2-defensive driver course? (what this means)

Insurance for a street bike?

how much is insurance for a street bike starting out

Health Insurance for the self-employed?

After 13 years with my husband, he is leaving me. I have always been on his health plan because I am self-employed. Can anyone offer me any advice on where to find providers? I have no idea where to start.""

What would the insurance cost for a 2002 Audi TT?

Just looking for a quick estimate. I'm a 20 year old male with a moving violation that happened two years ago. It would be a California car. Probably would drive about 8,000 miles a year. Also would it matter if it was a roadster(convertible) or coupe? Thanks""

Do you get rid of your car insurance when you get a DWI?

I don't understand,.. when you get a DWI and license taken away, wouldn't you not need car insurance anymore for a year since you won't be driving your car? All the talk about having insurance go up etc, and $1000 added onto the bill every year, does the receiver of the DWI have to keep their insurance or something?""

How much would it cost for insurance for a 2001 Lamborghini Diablo? Haven't found anything online.?

Me and my friend were just online looking up Lamborghini prices and was wondering what the insurace would be. Couldn't find anything online that would give a quote. Anyone know where to go or know this?

Dodge charger car insurance?

How much of a difference in car insurance would there be between my 1998 Honda Accord and a 2007 Dodge Charger? Im a 17 year old male. Please dont answer unless u know wat ur talking about.

What do you think would be the insurance costs for a vehicle in NJ?

Age 18 Cars looking into (Under 35k) Dodge Charger (4dr base or higher) 2009 BMW 750Li 2009-or higher What would you think would be the average cost per year?

My husband and I are self employed, he is in heart faiure, our insurance premiums were 800 month, now doubled?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/car-insurance-payment-per-month-jayden-tucker/"

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foulfurywombat-blog · 6 years

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California Auto Insurance Cancellation?

"California Auto Insurance Cancellation?

How soon after an insurance company cancels an auto policy for non-payment will they report that cancellation to the dmv? I understand the electronic notification, but how quickly will the insurance company actually notify the dmv that the party is no longer covered? I have yet to receive a notification from dmv and my policy was cancelled 2 months ago. Unfortunately, I was involved in an accident (my fault) and although I provided a copy of my policy info, I found out later that I was not covered at the time of the accident. I had the policy Rewritten the day after the accident (a different policy number). The other party reported it to their insurance, although we agreed to settle with cash & no insurance. They are requesting me to file an SR1 file. What do I do? The info I provided had good dates of coverage on it but I found out later that my policy had lapsed. Do I submit an SR1 with the old info or new info? Will my license be suspended now??? IM DESPERATE!

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