#if i didn't have that safety net my life would be VERY different

[historicity-was-already-taken]

wisdom i've accumulated in my almost-35 years on this planet: success = hard work + privilege + luck

never let this late capitalist hustle culture bullshit convince you that your lack of "success" is your fault.

[aethelwyneleigh27]

Nothing's New...

Can't help but think of:

"You were a wonderful experience.."

"And you were... everything..."

With Sunshine!Reader and Ghost

To you, he may have just been an experience, but you were everything to him. Doing everything he never expected anyone to do. You were new, something different from what his whole life had offered him.

You were safety, you were warmth but most of all.. you were his. You were there when he needed you the most, his safety net. Taking care of him when everyone else was busy fending for themselves. You took care of almost everyone but who took care of you?

Though he never was blatantly obvious, Simon cared. Maybe too much, finding ways to make your life easier or at least make you smile. Simon who took it upon himself to make your safety his priority despite all the risks that come with working along side you.

You meant the world to him, he'd do anything to rewind time. To see you, talk to you and be with you for so much more than he already had in hopes it would be enough.

A petty fucking argument, that's what caused this, it wasn't your fault. It was an accident, yet he called you carelesss. Maybe it was true, what people used to say...

No one would ever truly care if you were gone, you thought about it, how it seemed like they cared very little, how he cared very little. Not bothering to even acknowledge you exist even when you're trying so hard to communicate, he went cold, like he never had before.

You knew 141 cared but not enough, that your disappearance will be easily taken and that at some point they'll replace you and be content there.

if only he can take back the shit he said.. It was too late, the last words he heard from you...

"Bomb my location, Captain.."

Unbeknownst to your static radio, you didn't hear how Simon begged and pleaded Price not to. Never had Price seen Ghost so vulnerable, but that wasn't Ghost, it was Simon.

Those dreaded letters next to your name..

"KIA"

He thought he was used to it by now, but like in old fashion you proved him wrong. Just like how you proved him wrong when he thought he himself was unlovable.

He failed you, he fucking did. Just like everyone else in his life he lost, just a glimpse of it all. You felt like a distant memory, he is never going to be as happy as he was with you. Never again will he see that smile that lifted the world from his shoulders. That's the second time someone left his life... Yet the feeling was far worse..

Nothing's new..

A/n: Apologies to everyone, I wanted to write something good but this seems so half-assed.

[imacowboy3]

Headcanon that every angel has a demon who's their soulmate (romantic or platonic)

That one being they can trust and be themselves with, someone who can be their safety net and help them break their conditioning from their respective sides (I'll make a post with more on the conditioning later)

Till now we've seen:

Aziraphale has Crowley

Gabriel has Beelzebub

And there's been some speculation and shipping of:

Muriel and Eric

Michael and Dagon

(I only mentioned shipping cause those seem to be popular as romantic pairings but they could also easily be read as platonic!)

Now going to my point: I have this headcanon that metatron is just taking advantage of the systemic problems of heaven and spewing more and more bullshit to the angels to manipulate them into doing "what God wants" and has taken over by this point (mind you he is not necessarily THE problem of heaven, he's more of a representation of what is wrong with the system as a whole while also representing real people who are in positions of power and take advantage of a broken system to meet their own interests).

Now what if God,knowing that would happen, decided to pair the angels and then made half of them fall so that they'd have different points of view? Which yes is cruel and again a representation that God is kinda fucked up and so is her system and you might ask why do that? Why make all of them go through all this suffering to learn a lesson that wouldn't even be necessary in the first place if only she hadn't created the very problem the lesson was about?and my answer to that is: go read any passage of the Bible, that's just how God is,with all of her trials and tribulations...

But anyways, back on track: since they'd be fighting they would need a middle ground that didn't belong to either side (earth) and as they'd compete for human souls they'd end up meeting their soulmates and together they'd hopefully get closer to the humans and would start a process of deprogramming (I'll dive more into it on the conditioning post), cause that's pretty much what's happening with Zira and Crowley, is what happened with Gabe and Bee, they met their soulmate and started learning to enjoy life outside the feud between heaven and hell,they started learning that there's nothing wrong with just being happy and finding out who they want to be outside the limitations of their sides

So yeah

God knew shit would go down because she designed it to happen and decided to pair them all up to have some support on their journeys

[soraviie]

they told you to go and you did.txt

━ type: bts x gn! reader ━ navigation

━ about: heavy angst ━ pictures taken from Pinterest

━ c/w: mention of mental illness, implied emotional cheating, falling out of love, smoking

━ previously posted on soraviii

NAMJOON: If you'd still talk, you'd ask him if "disappointment" is the right word. It's not pain. It's actually hard to describe what is this familiar pang, the stab that almost feels like a bruise made yesterday. It's not pain. It's the sad realization in your heart of hearts that this would happen eventually. It's a disappointment because once, just this once you allowed yourself to believe it'd be different. And you were wrong. Or rather you were right all along. He's just like that and you're you and the rest is a story that writes itself.

Picking yourself up is hard work, hence perhaps why they call it falling for someone. Falling is not a threat, people fall all day long but a fall from the last step of stairs no matter how scary is not lethal but falling in love, unlike a blunder through the dark, is getting up into a skyscraper and then placing all the trust that the other person will provide a mat big enough to cushion the fall. But he had pulled your safety net away. You'll rebuild yourself, from scratch if needed but some part of your trust in all people will forever be cracked. If a forever person becomes temporary...it's a bizarre, ungainly feeling that unevens your footing and makes for many, many quiet afternoons spend in the company of your lonesome, staring out through the windows and thinking was it always meant to end like this.

"You were supposed to be there," you breathed out, shaking. Out of anger, out of cold, who knows.

"And I said I'm sorry," he growls back, shoving the laying laundry into the washing machine.

"Sorry? "Sorry" is not going to cut it! For weeks - weeks! - I've asked you, I begged you to be there! It was one of the most important events in my life!"

"What do you want me to do here?" Namjoon asks, exasperated and the wrinkle between his eyebrows mars his features into someone...unrecognizable. A stranger almost. Since when have you had to beg to be heard?

"I don't know," you reply truthfully but slowly something in your gut begins to work. Why are you feeling like the villain? You shouldn't be.

You shouldn't be is the chief thought.

"Do you even care about me?"

"What?"

The look in his eyes...you know, you just know, he doesn't understand. He doesn't understand this profound feeling of being tired. Being proven right that, in the end, you will always have this - begging to be heard and understood and it's tiring. It's draining the soul right in front of his eyes, ones which do not see the obvious.

"Do you even care about me?"

He scoffs.

"Take a walk so you clear your head and don't ask stupid questions."

In hindsight, a very small part of you is grateful. The comment was cruel and cut like the end of a sharpened knife but it gave you a leeway. It gave you the thought that if you had to go, you didn't have to come back.

And it's like a bit of fresh air after that. Dizzying, confusing, the feeling of being lost in a way never leaving but you're finding your legs so to speak. You didn't owe him anything, there is no legal law that would force you to explain. You walked right out. A walk to never return, a walk to self re-discovery. You eat what you like, you go where you like and when you feel like dying because there your lover is not on the other side of the bed, you turn around and pretend he was never there.

He was after all rarely there, to begin with.

Right or wrong, who cares, you could just leave and while you're alone, at least you don't have to beg. At least, you understand even if it's yourself.

YOONGI: Lillies, as Yoongi finds out, are not long-lived flowers. They fall most often in clumps of petals. Not elegant and refined like those in drawings but dropping almost half of themselves in one swift move. In one second, losing nearly all they had, remaining then barren and partly lifeless. He didn't know enough about flowers to know when exactly are they pronounced dead. But he'll be here. He'll be here because he's done nothing else but watch them shed, clump by clump.

"I told you," he'd said with a smile of all things. A cold, mirthless smile but still. "I told you it'd be hard, that you wouldn't be able to handle it."

"That's...that's not it all," you deny and maybe you hadn't been lying. All he knows is that the fear had gripped him so hard he couldn't even breathe then.

"No, it is what it is," he'd cut back sharply, decisive, leaving no room to argue because if you'd argue you'd do the same magic you'd done when he first fell in love, he'd listen and do everything exactly how you want it. He didn't want to listen at that moment, he'd just wanted to be angry.

"Then go, just go. Go back 'cause I know you want to."

Tears rose on your waterline and suddenly he felt like a bad guy which in turn, of course, made him more vicious.

"You're being cruel," you breathed faintly. "You're just being cruel."

He scoffed harshly.

"I'm just being honest. Face it, you can't handle being with me," a pause. Critical hit. Cruelty for cruelty's sake. "You can't handle much at all."

And if he had even a little bit of a brain left he'd see the change. The exact moment where you fell out of love with him and it happened just then.

You took a step back, breathed in exactly once, calmly, sombre even.

"Okay," is all you said and unbeknownst to him, that would end up as the last thing you'd say to him. "Okay" is what could kill love - a supposedly unkillable thing.

The flowers are what he brought to ask for forgiveness which would not be granted. There was no next time, no do over, no apology. You'd been long gone when he wisened up to his own words and now he has a vase of old Lillies, wilting on his desk. He reaches to straighten one of the last petals but in its frailty, it just falls. It falls down, down, down and lands on his desk. He puts his hand away. The clock ticks away.

"Okay," he mutters to himself and then sinks into silence.

JIN: "They're my parents," he says for the thousandth time, driving half-blind through the dark.

"So what?!" you exclaimed. "They don't get to say all those things about my family. About me!"

"And I already told you, I warned you that they...they would be like that! They're old! Different."

"That's not being different! That's being a dick."

His eyes glinted and you flinched. You'd never fought with Jin before. Not like this certainly. But whenever you thought of forgiving him, it all came back even clearer. How he just stood there, silent, staring at his plate like a small boy would when they called you a gold digger, your family nothing but mud-trodden scammers. The spoilt rotten apple of the bad seeds. And your lover, your boyfriend, your one true fairytale prince had bowed his head in compliance.

"Careful," he growls, hands tightening around the wheel. "Mind your tongue."

He could slap you and it'd be less bitter.

"Did your mother mind your tongue?" you asked sharply, suddenly yanked harshly forth as he drove a foot through the brakes.

"I'll give you this one last opportunity," he spits and it awakens a heinous part of yourself. Or rather it extends. It extends from the scenery of not even an hour into the past, when you'd sat by the dining table listening to one hurled insult after the next. His father had been "the others", his mother and now he himself. It's him vs you. And that's...

...that's just not someone you could ever touch without shuddering in hate.

"One last chance to stop throwing a fuss. To stop disrespecting my family and myself."

"I can't disrespect it," you open your mouth, weirdly proud. It's cathartic to hate at times. "It would imply I've held any this evening."

His jaw makes an audible sound when it clamps shut. You'd hurt deep, you'd cut it where it hurts. Good, so had he.

"Get out," he hisses, clearly fighting hard to reign in his temper. "Get out of my car now!"

You do and afterwards, he speeds off, tires screeching against the cement road, fumes, in time, evaporating into the atmosphere. You touch the necklace, his gift, on your neck. Feels more like a chain now. You take it away, frown and allow yourself to think.

Gold diggers, scammers, evildoers and nothing but lowlier of the low they had said into your face. You remember your own mother's face, proud and happy, then tired after working long hours just to put food on the table. She'd be heartbroken about this, she'd cry.

And no one could ever make your mother cry. Guided by a sudden impulse you throw the necklace away and it glistens once under the streetlights.

Jin's car disappears over the horizon and despite lingering, you see no point in going after it. You could go home.

The thought fills you with comfort.

You could just go home.

Your mother picks up after one ring.

"Hey, I'm just letting you know, I'll sleep over, is that okay?"

Your mother's voice comes frazzled but she attempts to make it soothing. No, she should never meet those people. Those people who would hate her without a reason, who raised a son you fell in love with. Past tense.

"Of, course, it's okay," then, softly, cautious. "Did it go awry? What about your boyfriend?"

You glimpse over your shoulder. JIn is long gone. There's nothing but the dark so you turn and walk the opposite way.

"There's no boyfriend anymore," you reply, cooly but even so few, traitor tears rush into your eyes and it gets hard to breathe. "But I still got you."

"The porch lights will be on," after a moment she explains kindly and you nod. "I'll be waiting."

HOSEOK: "I just think...this will be the best of us."

That's really all you remember. At the time, the words fell distant like coming from another room. His damn present, a simple present you'd saved over the course of the summer was burning against your leg, distracting you, maybe saving you in a way. If you'd heard a flaw he had named as to why would you deserve to suddenly be broken up with, you didn't remember it. He'd been doing so well, being so good, practising and making history and you loved him so much you just wanted to make him smile. He'd been so stressed. So empty and removed. And when you heard his call, his tentative invitation to a restaurant you thought must be destiny, he must be thinking it too, you needed to be closer together. Reality... the reality was as always much different than you imagined in your head.

You'd sat politely, being really good, not quite listening due to the bracelet sitting in your pocket like a carcass, but you hadn't made a fuss. Should you have? Or did you do the right thing?

Whatever should or should not have happened will take place in the multiverse, in the infinitude of other more pleasant realities, this one was yours.

"You should cry," your friend suggests, with a frown of worry. But you can't hear her also. Flinging the pillows left and right, you try to find the damn thing. The receipt is nowhere. You couldn't have just flung it into the trash, right?

"Honestly, fuck this guy."

Right, fuck Hoseok. But when you remember him, you don't suddenly learn how to hate him. That was...that went against everything you knew.

"Just please go," he pleaded, you'd open your mouth to at least give him the bracelet. It was after all a present. Why had you been so hyper-focused about it? You can't remember that also.

"Just go. Don't make this any harder than it has to be."

But what it did have to be? What did you do? Or not do? What was so wrong with you that he kicked you away?

"He left you for his career," your friend scoffed. Her pride was your pride and vice versa but at the moment you couldn't even appreciate her indignance. The receipt was gone. You did not have it. And as such the bracelet, his bracelet, the one you worked so had to buy for your own money, could not be ridden of.

"Plain and simple. You were distracting him, whatever that means. What a prick."

You had not thought the same then and you didn't think it now. Coming to a stand you wonder how long will it take to unlearn someone. Hoseok must have learned it quite quickly. He'd not even spared you a glimpse as you stood there, with the bracelet in hand, suddenly turned into a parting gift not one of gratitude. If he saw it, he hadn't cared. And so you went, as he asked, clutching the bracelet in your palm. Hoseok must be a quick learner, you reckoned, leaving the bracelet to lay on your nightstand table.

JIMIN: "Already back?" a neighbour, a smarmy twenty-something who thinks he's just the thing because he has a couple of tattoos on his arm, asks. You light up the cigarette already put between your lips and scoff in his direction.

"Yeah. Now quit hanging around in the stairway, you look like a predator," with that you enter your apartment. It's disgusting to smoke indoors, that you admit, but right now it was time to think and smoking for some reason made your head clearer. Navigating through the dark, you stumbled out into the balcony, breathing out a sigh of relief. Flicking the ash into the makeshift ashtray you thought and thought and thought.

"When?! When will you be ready?!" he'd practically screamed. You hated when people raised their voice and he knew that but he still did it. A fact you wouldn't forgive anyone but this was...Jimin and he'd been the exception for a long time. Longer than he should have.

"I don't know! When we got together, I told you I'd be difficult! I'm...ill!" recalling how your lip had wobbled, you sneered to yourself. One cigarette down but you bought a new pack so there was plenty.

"Stop using that as an excuse!" he'd snarled, fists curling out of anger. You had thought then that if he truly wanted to marry you, he'd stay true to his word to be understanding. Of understanding that your mind did not always work the same way most people were used to, it did things, often ones you couldn't grasp full control of, like fear, fearing everything and most of all being yelled at for this very same fear.

"It's not an excuse!" you shrieked. "It's the answer! When someone has a cold, do you reprimand them for coughing? Why is this illness any different?!"

You were objectively hard to love if mental illness was easy it wouldn't be an illness. You required work, work done by yourself and by your partner and you had told him that, you'd told him fair and square, come clean with all that you were and Jimin had promised to love you all the same. He was, it seems, a beautiful kind of liar.

"You won't ever be ready," he'd continued, a hard scowl warping his features. "You know why? Because you hate yourself so much you can't even wrap your head around the idea of not self-sabotaging yourself for once."

And it was the truth. Objectively speaking. But you didn't mind the truth. It could be harsh and unapologetic but you could swallow it down, just not cruelty. Anything but cruelty. Coming from the one man on earth you thought could not be cruel. See what you meant by beautiful? Beautiful, convincing, angel of a liar.

"And I can't handle it anymore. I can't handle your..." he raised his hands out of frustration, letting the fists rise to his own chest and shake there before it happened.

"You're just too much. So just go away because you're just too much for me."

Pushing the bud of the cigarette against the glass jar, you put out the last light on the balcony. It's dark now and you sit, arms crossed, still thinking. You know what to do, you'd done it plenty of times before but...you just thought, you assumed, had the delusion that..he'd be the one, you know. That he'd be...different. But the nature of liars is to lie, you suppose.

TAEHYUNG: It is sad and horrifying to realize that you're becoming one of those couples. Those couples that do not talk, that sit on the bed silently and sullenly, waiting for it to be over, couples who did not touch each other, who forgot each other's bodies, voices and minds. Those couples who you always looked on with pity, wondering to yourself why didn't they just break it off. What was the point?

But the point was that, of course, once upon a time you loved Taehyung and you think he loved you too. You almost saw him, the younger him, the one that charmed you with the promise of timeless romance only to let the very same time deteriorate it away. As you walked up to the cafe, you saw him there, laughing with a friend you did not know he had. They're both laughing in fact, clearly enjoying their time and you can't help but feel like a creep, like an onlooker peeking into the lives of a happy couple even if it's your boyfriend sitting there. He'd brought them flowers. You don't remember when was the last time he'd given your flowers. The promise was every Wednesday, the reality was sometimes after the first six months, anniversaries after two years, never after five.

He pulls the chair closer to the friend. You saw the other person's blush in the candlelight and then with even more horrifying realization, you grasp that you're the other person. The one brushed to the side when they're of no other use.

"Those are pretty flowers," you reckoned, mostly just to start a conversation. An ice breaker for a lover, strange isn't it?

"I guess," he offers a non-committal grunt.

"Should I meet you after work? We could go somewhere?" you almost sounded hopeful then. How naive.

"Don't bother," he says, not quite even looking at you, more so focused on the mirror to fix the tie the other other person was twirling between their fingers. "I'll be busy and late tonight. Just go home."

Standing on the street and passively watching your love slip away, you figure you'll do just that. You won't be one of those people, you thought, standing straighter and leaving the window side, you won't cry yourself to sleep, you won't find someone else's scent on his shirt, you won't have your heart any more broken. You'll just go home.

And Taehyung was not home anymore.

But it's okay, you tell yourself, stumbling unsteadily through the neon-lit streets, you'll find a new one. You'll be okay.

JUNGKOOK: You used to love his jokes, his confidence, his assuredness that you were meant to be. But after some time, you don't quite know when, it stopped being funny the way he brushed off your worries, always so assured that in the end, it'll work out. That no matter what you'll forgive him anything.

You stopped loving his jokes.

And you stopped loving his confidence.

And you stopped loving him.

You just wanted for him to listen but he was so smug, so assured that you wouldn't leave. You just wanted for him to listen just once.

But he never did.

"If I'm so horrible, then just leave," he tossed over his shoulder, tugging harshly on Bam's leash. "Just leave!"

But he did it first, slamming the door behind and dragging Bam with him.

Maybe it's selfish, really childish, quite unhealthy but in a way also victorious. You drag your clumsily arranged suitcase, stubborn. You miss him. But a him that's not even here. Can a person die while still living?

But even if it's selfish, childish and unhealthy, it becomes easier with the next step. You're just leaving, just going. You still miss him, you miss Bam and others, and all the funny toys on his shelves, and his kitchen towels and the laughter on Fridays and movies on Mondays but even more you miss yourself. The street is long and you wonder where you'll end up next, once upon a time, it brought you to Jungkook and now it'll take you away from him. You can find plenty of sadness about it but not enough regret to turn around. Whoever's fault it was, even if it truly was a fault, it doesn't matter now. It's over, it was good for a while and now it's over. You're free to go where you want and so is Jungkook and when enough time passes you know you'll wish him nothing but the best.

© soraviii/soraviie 2022-2023

[archivus]

MAG[REDACTED] - Lights out in the Circus

Statement of Frank Gabriel regarding his development of a fear of heights. Original statement given January 3rd, 2018. Recording by Arcturus Walker, head archivist of the Magnus Institute, Budapest. Put to tape March 25th, 2024. Statement begins:

The stage is my life, or better yet, my life was flying above the stage. Throughout the different phases of my life I always wanted to perform, so now working for the national circus is a dream come true. Was a dream come true.

It all started months ago, I don't know exactly when, but I started having a recurring dream. The dream consisted of a simple jump high up on the rope, maybe a meter or two across, where I reach for the trapeze I'm supposed to grab but it isn't there. It's not like I'm jumping into thin air, I see the rod clearly. I know my limits and the jump is possible, but I hold out for it and it seemingly jumps out of my reach. And then I fall. I fall and I keep falling way below the ground. I sometimes wake up mid fall. Sometimes only when it feels like I'll hit something. But it always just feels like it. I'm falling into a dark abyss, my stomach in a knot and I can't *see* the end.

I normally don't mind the feeling of freefall, I feel like if I found it unpleasant that would be a serious drawback in my line of work. I quite enjoy falling on the practice trampoline, the mat or the safety net if it's part of the performance. Sure, when it's unexpected it's not the nicest, but I also know nothing will come of it. But the feeling in my dreams is akin to anxiety. I *feel* something coming, that recognizable sense of impending doom hits me. I'm jumping to my death and I can feel it. I am falling towards my end in the infinity before I'm jerked awake. And it kept happening, again and again every night. First I woke up properly, then it just turned into a transition from REM cycle to REM cycle, dream to dream, but the dream was always the same.

It didn't affect me at first. The dreams, at least, I could definitely feel the effects of the lack of sleep taking a toll on me. But we only had a few weeks left of the season, so I soldiered through somehow. But off season I was stuck inside, with nothing to take my mind off of my strange dreams I relived them whenever my brain had any spare time. Which was admittedly a lot. I found myself starting to be terrified of the idea of climbing the platform, afraid that the trapeze will escape my grasp for real this time. The idea of the safety net didn't help either...

Every tuesday and friday the circus was open, each performer could go practice as they felt like. Last year I went every week, but this time I found myself avoiding it. I still went the first few times but then I started to hit the snooze and stay in. Still did my daily stretches though, but I don't have access to heights at home, of course.

So when I couldn't procrastinate further and had to climb the pole I was nervous, shaking a bit. Rationally I know nothing could happen, I was there when the safety net was fastened and I know very well that it was just a trampoline, but when does rationalizing our fears ever actually resolve them? I so wish it did. Deep down I was glad I was alone, no one saw my hesitation. No one could, except for the guy responsible for lighting, but he wasn't looking my way. Not yet. I haven't paid much attention to him before, but I noticed the lights were different during the shows, not bad, but noticably cooler toned.

He was a new hire, average height which made him look small among the acrobats, wore his dark hair in a half-up, his general style is as you would expect from someone that works the mixer. Hearsay said he took it up as a gig and will be gone soon.

Not soon enough. I was up on the platform, slapping my palms into the chalk, my sweat mixing into a sticky goo with the powder, I grabbed onto my trapeze and just hung there a for a bit and started swaying. I synced with the rythm of the lights blinking above me. I did my practice routine on a single handle, no jumps yet. Once it felt awkward to procrastinate any further I swung out and let go, reaching for the stationary handle as I noticed something in my peripherals.

The lights were on at the mixer booth and I could clearly see a figure watching me. The desk is off to the side, but he was facing the glass head on this time, towards my direction. As I could predict it my hands couldn't even touch the trapeze as I began my freefall at once, this time for real.

I had my back down, I closed my eyes bracing for the soft impact on the safety net that never came. I tumbled towards nothingness again, reopening my eyes to complete darkness. The air suddenly smelled fresh and a bit like ozone, as much as the pressure let me breathe and it was cold against my face, even past what the velocity would cause. I kept on falling for what felt like an eternity. I was turning my body, figuring out how it was most comfortable. I kind of just accepted my faith, not expecting it to end anytime soon when it did, suddenly and all at once. I got that distinct feeling that always woke me up before, but I didn't hit the ground. I came to my senses the moment before letting go of my trapeze, without time to react my body took on the pose I had tumbling down the abyss and I found myself sat on the net underneath, the shock of "hitting the ground" still weighing heavily on my chest.

I looked over to the mixer booth too late. The new hire wasn't in the room anymore. The stage was dark. I rest my head on the net for one deep inhale and climbed off. I packed my stuff and headed home.

I didn't go back again. I liked the circus a lot but I knew I couldn't continue what I did before. I collected my paycheck at the start of the new season and asked if I could take a break, maybe work a role that didn't involve heights. Their response was a dismissal.

Statement ends.

It's not often that I don't have to run statements through the team nor do a follow up, but this one needs no explanation to me. I worked a gig doing lighting for the national circus at the time. And I also know that the performers gossiped about me. My brother told me. Like that matters. I didn't have anything against Frank specifically, he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. Alone. As a freshly hatched avatar I needed people to test my powers on and who could be better than those trained at freefall? Those working with heights? And those that enjoy it? I didn't mean to traumatize this poor man no less get him fired.

Guess that's in the past now. I searched him up, but no new workplace was listed on any of his social platforms. Wish I could feel remorse, but I sold my soul to the entity of insignificance so, guess that won't change. He was a good test subject though, I enjoyed his dreams.

Statement ends.

If you enjoyed, you can check out the other episodes here:

The Flesh The Stranger The Dark

@transbot-brian, @theseuscloud, @cult-of-the-eye thanks for the nice comments on my previous post! Future episodes will be posted over on this account, hope you enjoyed

[highhhfiveee]

omg hi!

EVERYONE!!! 'tis i, faire, back with some news (and general words lol)!

what's up with me? quick little life update: working full time (we been knew) but got a new job i start soon! to be completely honest, this and the exhaustion i feel from it have been keeping me from writing ]: i am so tired after a day of work, i can't come home to use my brain again. i also have terrible time management skills due to my anxiety and depression BUT! i have started medication! i was already a little nervous to just because i didn't want it to make me feel weird, but i told myself that i have to try things before i write them off, especially if i want to improve my health [,: i took my first lexapro last night and it made me hallucinate lowkey so lets gooooooo!!!! lmao

what's up with safety net? safety net p5 is COMING YALL OMG. i know i've said that a million times, but in (once again) complete honesty, i was STUCK with this part. part 6 is honestly where everything kind of happens, so trying to make this part the set-up for that was driving me insane bc i didn't know how i was gonna do it. when i tell yall that i have so many drafts of different things that i wrote, plus the original outline that would've ended at maybe 10k words if i'd written it just like that. maybe one day i'll expose my different plans, but after weeks and weeks and weeks of ruminating over rewrites and other avenues to take, i finally made a final (very concise) outline that gives us the best of everything and i'm so exciteddddddd (literally brainstormed everything as a method of dissociation at work LMAO). it's a mix of what i intended originally with a new twist that adds a little bit more depth to the characters.....we're about to get into it y'all. everything isn't rainbows and glitter in this story after all

what's up with other fandoms? been watching invincible lately, and was wondering if anyone would be interested in some mark grayson stuff? his whole going off to college and not being able to be normal kind of made me start thinking....(really it was...something else that made me start thinking but i don't want to spoil anything for anyone watching s2 currently lmao WHY IS IT OVER ALREADY?????? just been thinking ab stepping away from jhutch a little (i still haven't watched detention, i'm so sorry) and doing different stuff to get myself back into being consistent on here! i'm also gonna start doing more bulletpoint headcanon stuff cause i can always just list things and blab lol.

sorry if there's any typos in this but that's about all from me at the moment. things are in the works [: see you all soon, hope you're all doing okie

[fuck-you-upmusicbracket]

We're Just Worried, You Know (Gracchus)

Please, trust me, I'm aware/It's not like I don't care/I don't need the net/If I never look down

"That feeling of knowing you only have one chance to do something and there's no safety net, so you just forge on because if you look down, you will fall"

Hello, World! (Blood Blockade Battlefront)

Now the world is brightly painted/With colours that I chose for it/But I wonder what the scars I didn't choose would even mean/Thinking I'm the only hero/The center of the world I know/But until the end, and without rest, up on the stage I'll be What can I do?/I can't even pretend that I'm empty

"A lot of the lyrics in this song talk about choosing to go on living life, and living life to the fullest. All the experiences you've gone through and how they've changed you, and how your own world can look so different after your perspective and mindset changes over time or after something impactful. For me, the very music and singing and the way it's sung gives me this feeling of someone bearing their soul for all to see, and it makes me quite emotional yet happy, as I connect very deeply to themes of chosing to live my own life and seeing the world differently over time. I also love the visuals for this opening of the anime, because it both articulates the song perfectly, as well as the story and vibe of the show!"

Hello, World submitted by @puppet-limbo

[hoardingpuffin]

Autistic Person reacts to Autistic Representation in Young Royals Season 2

Spoiler Warning for Young Royals Season 2

Soooo I just finished Season 2 of Young Royals and oh boi, I have thoughts. In general, but about Sara in particular. I was curious about her arc in the second season, purely cause she is one of the most complex autistic characters I have seen in recently produced media, even though I couldn't relate to her particularily much.

This has changed now that I have seen Season 2 Episode 6. I will be honest, for the first 5 episodes, I didn't like what they did with Sara. I really didn't. I thought her arc with August was weird, though I did like seeing a driven autistic character who does things to get what she wants instead of being a flimsy, quirky kid who doesn't know what she is doing, but episode 6 changed that for me.

One thing that many autistic people experience, is that we take people at face value, until we don't anymore. Most autistic people have been victims of bullying and emotional manipulation, without realizing. We tend to be literal, and in general - unless we learned differently, usually as a follow-up to us being told to not always say what we think - we are very honest and blunt. In return we expect other people to act the same. This continues until the point where we realize that this isn't true, that people don't always say what they mean. In many cases, including my own life, this realization doesn't come until a few times of believing someone was our friend only to have them humiliate, betray or hurt you. And from that point on we tend to turn into metaphorical snails pulling back into our shells. If we don't put ourselves out, we cannot be hurt again.

Sara to me seems like someone learning this lesson at the end of season 2. She genuinely believed August because she, in her mind, didn't have a reason to think he might not mean exactly what he was saying. This was made worse by her maybe also wanting to see good in him, as per the metaphorical rose-coloured glasses of being in love. So whilst she made a mistake, a grave one, and made a lot of things worse with her actions, I don't think she meant to. I think she honestly didn't think August would do what he did. And honestly, the scene where the other girls, and especially Felice call her out, in very direct and hurtful words, she became relatable to me. I never was in her exact situation, but I was in a situation where I thought I did something the way I was supposed to, and ended up being called a liar and other nasty things. Some context: In sixth grade, I made up a boyfriend, because every girl talked about the boys they liked and I felt like I needed to belong. It seemed like a rule nobody had thought to inform me of, but that everyone else knew. So, I tried following the rule, and I lied up a boyfriend named Tom. Not smart, sure, but I was 12 or 13 and hadn't gotten to a place where I was happy being the weird kid yet. When it came out that I had lied, my classmates called me out in front of everyone and painted me out to be a manipulative liar and a fake friend and I felt terrible. I felt like I had ruined every chance at ever being anybody's friend ever again. And again, that was me at about 13. I had already had two friendships end badly, and some very traumatic experiences before that point. So I came to the conclusion of "if I don't put myself out there nobody can hurt me or use me" very early. Sara, evidently, comes to this conclusion at 18.

I don't want to defend her actions. I just think there might be more to this arc for her than many people seem to see. I have seen posts about Sara being a cunt, a manipulator, a terrible friend, a piece of shit - those are all quotes. I wish I was lying. I think Sara genuinely regrets it - her mistakes, because they were mistakes. She is not some cunning, terrible person, a mastermind trying to ruin her brother's and her friends' lives. She just made a mistake because she believed the wrong person, and she pays the price. She lost her friends, her safety net, her relationship with her brother is ruined. Trust me, that is punishment enough. I have been there.

It's also nice - well, not nice, but realistic - to see how her allistic friends react. They don't believe her, they are confused how she could possibly have been so "stupid" to believe a guy they all thought was so obviously terrible. They also don't try to see it from her point of view. To them, it is a clear-cut case. Because yeah, that is a realistic portrayal of how allistic people often act toward autistic people making a mistake, especially when they themselves don't understand much about autism.

I think that is all I got to say for now, about this. Just one last message, to the allistic Young Royals fans who are currently on Tumblr, Twitter, Tiktok, shaming her character for being so very terrible, I implore you to think. To reseach on autism a bit. To listen to the autistic people in this fandom. And to take a page from the book of autistic people and take her word at face value when she says that she didn't realize August was lying to her, and that she is sorry.

[emberfaye]

ooooh for the weird writers asks:

8. if you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?

12. if a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into lorem ipsum, i don’t make the rules

17. talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

<33333333333

<33333

8 if you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go? answered already, i do an action based fic and it'd go fairly well i think?

12 if a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into lorem ipsum, i don’t make the rules --the keyboard typing speed of 15 year old faye roleplaying in aol chatrooms with her friends. because damn that girl could type so fucking fast. I can still get fairly fast, but it's nowhere near those speeds--i don't know if my hands just don't work that way anymore, if all the keyboards are different, or if i just have slowed down in my old age. --the perfect instrumental playlist that i didn't have to create, of all my fave writing songs especially the ones i don't remember the names of --drag and drop text programs for when i need to change things around, and selecting/copy/paste doesn't work well enough while trying to picture where it actually belongs in the section

17 talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text. which wip? I have so many T_T the last one i was actively working on is paying the price, my gift for the wonderful dumpsterfire. It's where chay needs a lil encouragement to believe that kim loves him, and then regrets the actions he's taken.

the title is a reference to once upon a time, where rumplestiltskin says "all magic comes with a price". I based the witch's name on old fluffy bunny jokes of choosing pagan names. Chay in this fic is very hurt, he's very scared, and more than he has ever been in one of my fics. he's afraid of change and afraid of stagnation, but he's no longer able to put himself out there without a safety net.

When he thinks that safety threatens kim's agency (and deludes kim's feelings) the thought was that chay tried to fix things, but he was unlucky in life, of course magic can't fix that either. The third chapter isn't out yet so I don't want to really spoil much, but I wanted to make this whole fic surreal---is chay a reliable narrator? is kim? when does a dream turn into a nightmare, and when does a nightmare ease into a dream? This is a chay who has regret lingering on his skin no matter what he does or chooses, and that plays into his actions and feelings more than he noticed.

weird writers asks

[donnerpartyofone]

In addition to this morning's insane medical shenanigans, I have discovered that I have no idea who my financial advisor is now. My financial advisor, a professional who I never would have needed in my life, but who I urgently sought out after I got all this stock from my last job at [redacted evil megacorp], and after my grandmother died and I had to spend no less than three years sorting out her affairs (and I'm still constantly looking over my shoulder waiting to get yelled at by some new and obscure institution I forgot about, or penalized for something I didn't know was supposed to do, etc). Like I have no idea how money works, and I WANT to, I WANT to be responsible for my own life, but I'm just not smart enough to understand anything I read or hear. And I HAVE to understand it because if I don't, the IRS comes after me for $$$$ for something I didn't even know happened, or something similarly bad goes on. I know I'm making myself sound like a rich person right now, but that's not really how it works, I mean I appear to have some sort of safety net on paper, but it's not like cash on any level, it's like some radioactive elephant foot thing that if I ever touch it even by accident, there's an extremely good chance that someone will appear with a horrible punishment they have devised for me, and the whole thing is just a source of constant terror, like an extremely dangerous job that I did not apply for and that I am not qualified for and cannot get better at but that I am not allowed to quit. So I hired this financial advisor, who my friend told me is responsible for turning her poor carpet salesman uncle into a millionaire, and then at least I had someone to talk to if I had questions (whether or not I understood the answers) and everything seemed fine. Then I went to email him about some concerns I have about moving to a more expensive new apartment (something I can't really avoid at present), and the email bounced back. And I found out he had moved to a totally different firm, and like maybe he actually told me this and I just didn't understand it because I'm dumb, but I have only a vague memory of it and it did not come with any commentary like "Here's what you need to do now." So now I'm like OK but who is my financial advisor now? Same guy? Other guy? Anyone? I reached out to the assistant guy we worked with before and he had absolutely no information, but offered to become my "new" advisor. And I'm like OK I guess that's good, I want someone who knows me (and how stupid I am) and who knows something about the extremely complicated history of these accounts which I could never explain to a new person. And he's like OK just send me the most recent statements from your accounts and we'll figure out where we have to transfer them over from. And I'm like...but I just pulled statements from the website of YOUR COMPANY, where they have been this entire time. Is that like...does that even make any sense? Is anyone in charge of this now? So I had to cyberstalk my original guy to get a current email address at the very least, and it's starting to sound like everything is technically in the same place but in different "channels" now (that's a word I've never heard in this context, who knows what it means), and all I have to do is keep interrogating various people until someone admits that they are responsible for talking to me if I have any questions.

This entire morning has been about discovering that I am missing major pieces of information about my health, finances, and work life, and probably someone should have told me about these things at some point but nobody does because nobody considers it their job and then it's up to me to just GUESS what my unknown-unknowns are by feeling around in the darkness until I hurt myself.

[cryptidshadows]

Hey. Just recently saw ur post abt being able to be aksed abt questions on being trans.

I realised I might be trans (ftm) a few years ago but i don’t really experience gender disphoria so much, especially bottom disphoria. I’m really scared that i might be faking being trans or that what if i really am trans and i come out to my family and everybody i know would leave me. It’s really scary.

I just wanna ask how was your whole disphoria thing? How did you deal with coming out to your family (if its not too personal)?? And do you ever feel like you didn’t want to be who you are???

Sorry if i’m bothering you.

You're no bother at all, anon! It's okay to take your time with figuring yourself out, and at the end of the day, only you know yourself well enough to decide if transition's the path that's right for you.

I described some of my dysphoria experience in this post, but I can say that while my bottom dysphoria was extremely intense since early childhood, that's not the case for a lot of trans guys. Many trans men are happy with HRT and top surgery and they're comfortable with the rest of their equipment. I started HRT like a decade ago and I've not had top nor bottom surgery, and I don't plan to at this point. Your transition doesn't have to tick off all the typical boxes and it's important to take things at your own pace.

Can you do a few things for yourself that are discreet, that might help you figure out if it's something that's right for you? Like getting clothes that feel right, a binder, a packer (or make one)? Do you have a close friend you can trust, who would be okay with using a different name or pronouns for you when you're not in a public space?

I have a distant but strained relationship with my parents and I am not in touch with the majority of the rest of my family post-transition. That's not to say that it will always end that way, many people have accepting families! Coming out was very hard but regardless of how family reacts, there will be other people in your life who will love you for who you are. Just be sure that if you are uncertain about reactions, have a plan in place so you know you have a safety net and have stability!

When I first realized I was trans, I did have a breakdown. I didn't want to be trans. It's hard being trans, it's scary at times, it's a royal pain in the ass to be honest. But I also knew it was a necessary thing in order for me to live my life as who I am.

Take your time to figure yourself out! It's okay to take small steps, and it's okay to backtrack if you find it's not what suits you. We all change and shift throughout our lives, it's no rush to make a big decision like this - but you gotta make that choice based on your own needs and wants, and not family, nor friends, nor anybody else's! Wishing you all the best!

[issylra]

🧠 Hob Gadling! <3

🧠 Pick a character, and I'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them.

Oh man, I have so many. I think that's the beauty of Hob as a character. Because he's lived so long, and has so many traumas/experiences, it's easy to apply different traits, hobbies, etc, to him and have them still make sense with canon. SO, I'll give you couple that I can sneak type while I'm at work.

Hob's cupboards are always full of food. He spent one hundred years starving, and I think there's so many ways that would have changed him. I like the idea that he always has non-perishables on hand just in case. I also see him as the guy who always finishes his plate. Does he need those last four bites? Maybe not, but he's having them anyway. He's also the least picky eater you will ever meet, and will try anything once. This 100% comes from my own experience as an early 20's single person living on my own who went through a year span of not being able to afford groceries. I sometimes went weeks only eating the desk snacks a coworker brought to share. Not having for any length of time makes you VERY aware when you do have. There's no way a century of that didn't shape Hob in some way.

I love the idea of Hob collecting odd things. His flat isn't full of material things worth tons of money (though he undoubtedly does have a lot of that as well) but with things that remind him of the people he's known and who he's outlived. That quilted blanket with fifteen holes in it should probably be thrown out, but it's the last thing left of a friend who passed one hundred and fifty years ago. That person lives on every time Hob curls up on the couch with that blanket.

The last one isn't really a headcanon, but one of my favorite things written with present day Hob: Hob's best friends are a lesbian couple. I just love it because it reminds me so much of my own experiences. A good example is the symphony of what we are by @tiltingheartand (you should read it if you haven't, it's one of my favorites!). I can't fully put into words why I like it so much, other than there's something special about that community safety net experience. It's what got me through so much in my own life, and I love the idea of Hob having that. I could read it a thousand times over.

[saffronapplemanga]

Let's Talk AI Art

I've seen the famous, "I strongly feel that this is an insult to life itself" quote from Hayao Miyazaki. However, I've never seen the full context for that quote. After I saw this video, I just... wow.

I don't know what possessed me but I wrote a whole post about it.

I haven't been super vocal about this topic since I didn't really have much to add to what everyone was already saying. Also, I was marinating on my opinion after learning more and hearing both sides.

This is going to sound cheesy but it's true, so here goes nothing. Art is inherently human. It’s one of the earliest forms of human expression and communication.

I think about this cave painting every day. I mean, look at the line weights, proportions, and composition. The way just a few lines can convey an image and life experiences of the artist.

I don't know Miyazaki that well and some people have the impression that he's a grumpy, nihilistic old man. Whether you love or hate him, that’s not what I’m here to talk about today. Just what’s in this video. His comments could be interpreted as very harsh. Personally, looking at this video, I think he's just critically thinking here. Whether he's right or not aside for a moment, it’s clear he's given it decent thought (which seems to be much more than the presenters themselves but more on that later). I took it as he just feels so passionately about art and he was watching something that was painful. Something that is the antithesis of art.

"We humans are losing faith in ourselves." Why are we trying to automate the things that make us human and life worth living? Watching the presentation gave me the ick and felt so soulless, and not because they suggested it could be used in a zombie game.

The presenter says, "We don't mean to do anything by showing to the world." And there’s the problem.

This is a short clip with snippets of the meeting, but from what’s shown, the whole time they were presenting I kept thinking, “Okay but where are you going with this?” Then Suzuki says, "So, what is your goal?" and I was like, that's what I'm saying! They seem to struggle to respond and say, "We would like to build a machine that can draw pictures like humans." Okay... but why? There are plenty of humans out there that already draw. Then what?

It’s more accessible than ever, it just requires effort like most things, contrary to popular belief.

It needs to be “should” before “could”

People need to sit down and have an honest conversation with themselves about why. As someone who's honestly tired of having to constantly explain why I do what I do and why I care about the things I care about, I'm not saying you have to explain yourself to justify anything. But at least within yourself, you should know or at least be looking for that answer. You don't owe anyone an explanation but yourself (the presenters kind of have to because... they're presenting their work and need to talk about it, but you know what I mean). Of course, doing something just because you want to is valid. Not everything needs to be profound and deep, but you have a responsibility to consider the consequences of your actions. Let's take a moment to consider if something should be explored and make efforts to prepare precautions in an effort to prevent adverse effects.

Not everything needs to or should be automated. There’s a world of difference between using technology to produce more of a product for the sake of increasing profit versus using it to make safer working conditions. Mundane jobs or those that could be automated, shouldn’t be. This is exacerbated under capitalism where the only goal is to exponentially increase profit and there's a lack of a safety net for the most vulnerable.

"It's like that one episode of Spongebob," I say every chance I get.

The presenters here seem like they're trying to optimize animation and decrease the need for people instead of adding another tool to the toolbox for artists. The only "pro" I can think of for this is to make more money, faster. They see art as a commodity instead of a vital part of the human experience. Consume, consume, but no savoring. What's the point of automating everything? Then what? What are we left with when all of our agency is taken from us?

I’m sure OP didn’t mean it like, “It’s okay if blue collar jobs get automated,” and I want to interact in good faith. Like I mentioned, tech should be used to make safer working conditions. What’s the goal with these “innovations” guys? Be honest with yourselves.

The “human touch”

This isn't a case of a crotchety old man who fears change and innovation. While Studio Ghibli is known for its hand-drawn animation, they have utilized things like CGI. I don't think he's anti-technology. He may have been hesitant to use it at first, but being hesitant about the unknown and unfamiliar is a normal human reaction. We all do it. Refusing to listen and learn about the unfamiliar to eventually reach an educated opinion is where things can become a problem (but that opinion can still be in opposition after being educated on it). The CGI they utilized is a tool. So what makes that so different from what the presenters showed them? It lacks "the human touch." It's trying to remove human input from the equation as much as possible. It's not the technology, but the intent behind it.

In this clip we can see that Miyazaki isn't adverse to technology. It looks like they're using some CGI that has settings to calculate various factors. He suggests tweaks and is open to using it.

In Howl's Moving Castle, a 3D model is used as a tool to help them realize their vision. It's used to create a reference and then tweaked to add more weight to the castle's movements.

I think art inherently has something to say. Yes, even the cave-painting bear. That's the human touch, the human experience, and what provides meaning. What are the presenters in the video trying to say? I'm not sure they know either. Their AI model isn't inherently evil, but the intended implementation is out of touch.

While I'm sure there's something to be said about the potential threat to artists' livelihoods, that's not what I think pained Miyazaki and Suzuki the most. It was the lack of soul and meaning.

When Miyazaki started talking about his disabled friend, it hit me somewhere deep down. I couldn't figure out why, or rather I couldn't coherently explain it. The dehumanization? Words often fail us. I'm sure someone out there put the feeling into words more eloquently than I could.

This is something I don't really talk about publicly much, but the reason I have this maddening urge to create is because I have something to say. And I draw heavily on my life experiences, some of which are unique to me, the stories and ideas of others, and things that I love and want to share.

Sometimes bluntness is kind, and being nice is not

Do I think Miyazaki went too far or was too harsh? Honestly, no. I don't know if I could have been as calm and well-spoken, not even by a fraction. My frustration would consume me in the moment. There's nothing wrong with challenging someone in a civil manner. In fact, it should be done more often. Civilly of course! This isn’t a pass to be an aggressive ass. Hearing the thoughts of all types of people is vital to becoming a well-rounded person. You don't have to agree with them. But listening to someone and considering a different perspective is a healthy thing to do. I'm a big believer in being kind, but being "nice" to avoid hurting someone's feelings when they need to hear something is in fact, not kind. This was a perspective they needed to hear. I’m going to make the assumption they aren’t super involved in the art world, so they need the perspective of someone who is a part of that world.

Side note, I think a lot of this can be applied to the issues of the AI art that Frankensteins existing art and images. Obviously, art theft is an issue, but other than that it has a lot of the same issues as the ones I’ve already discussed.

In summary, art and science can and should coexist. But like most things, there needs to be a balance.

[specificfuckery]

Mother's Day is complicated for me. Most years I just celebrate my husband's mom, the mothers of my good friends, and stay quiet and thoughtful in my own small space. But this year?

My mother probably wouldn't have chosen this. She could have been one of your abortion argument thought experiments - this young white woman from a proud family was sexually assaulted by a brown immigrant and, whether by willing choice or community pressuring decided to keep the pregnancy. I suspect she was too depressed to do anything until it was too late, I suspect if she hadn't been fat and poor there might have been more help for her, more justice. (I point out my biological father was brown and immigrant because this is the chosen demon of the Right; I'll never know him but I know damn well he's not what other brown men are, and you should know that, too. Even if the Right won't accept it.) I do know that with family pressure she chose at the last minute not to give me up for adoption. This cost her. I raised myself almost as much or more than she did, and I often felt responsible for pulling her out of depressive episodes.

I would not have blamed her if she'd chosen abortion instead. She could have chosen to have a child in her own time, on her own terms. A child she could have been emotionally available for, to nurture and teach. I taught myself to read out of neglect and boredom, an elementary school teacher taught me to tie my shoes. These are the less embarrassing memories. She did her best, but it often wasn't enough.

I think she clocked me as some kind of queer early on. I remember I had a crush on a girl in kindergarten, maybe it was that, or maybe it was even earlier. She volunteered to work with and in support of AIDS patients when I was very little, and I came along when she worked. I didn't know then, but I get now that there's a different energy when there's a child in the room, and I'm glad I was able to bring that to my queer uncles and aunties. I volunteered officially when I was old enough, and eventually came out as bisexual. Mom was gracious enough to pretend it was a delightful surprise. I never got to come out as genderqueer to her, I don't know how she might have taken that.

I missed a lot of vital social training only being raised by white family. I think she tried? I had Jewish family and Middle Eastern friends she liked to bring me to visit, but ultimately most of what I learned about how to be a brown kid came from elsewhere.

She only lived to be 60. Between poverty and trauma, illness and creeping disability, she didn't last long. I'm angry the world couldn't have been better to her, kept her a little longer, even if it was often unhealthy for me to have her in my life. She deserved better. I'm still glad she missed the last 6 years.

Her story is important right now. The Right is literally attacking everything that she was and I am. She didn't choose it herself but she was vocally pro-choice, pro-gay (not just pro-gay but pro-trans; she explained pronouns to me at my first pride parade,) pro-safety net for everyone at the margins and otherwise vulnerable. She deserved better.

Understand that it's no coincidence attacks on Roe v. Wade are not coincidentally happening at the same time as attacks on trans/queer rights and bodies. There's no coincidence this is happening in the wake of state violence on black and brown bodies, of the normalization of "retaliation" against AAPI folks for a disease they had nothing to do with, a resurgence of anti-semitism, ongoing anti-islamic sentiment and attacks, and ongoing attacks on indigenous communities across the US and new attacks on ICWA. None of this is isolated. These are rising and unfortunately mostly successful attempts to curtail the rights and personhood of the most vulnerable in the US.

First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out — because I was not a socialist.

Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out — because I was not a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out — because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me — and there was no one left to speak for me.

Pastor Martin Niemöller

[mooifyourecows]

Alrighty, advice anon here! Thanks for agreeing, but please feel free to delete this if that changes!! This situation isn't dire or anything, I'm just sort of conflicted.

So I have this fandom friend I made a 4 months ago after they drew something for my fic and we hit it off in the tumblr DMs. We mostly just talk about our fandom together, so it's been really easy to be careful about internet safety- they don't know my age, I don't know theirs, that sort of thing. And the fandom we're in is a murder mystery web series that doesn't have an age restriction warning thing, so there's no reason they SHOULD think I'm older, right. We just vibe.

I'm 16. I guess I always thought they were older? I'd just assumed I guess, though they have a similar texting pattern to me. There was no real reason for it. But recently I wrote a fic for them and two things happened at once- they dropped a platonic "I love you", and talked about being in class with their professor, therefore showing me they're old enough for college.

I guess my problem is, I don't know how they'll feel now if they DO know my age. I'm worried our friendship would change since they didn't at least know I'm a minor before dropping an l-bomb, because while I know adult-teen friendships are super real and important I feel like they should have probably had that knowledge? And the thing is, I do love them. In the way you can love a fandom friend you don't know very personally, I guess. They're great and funny and I love being their friend. It just feels like I'm lying or something now even though I never claimed or did anything to make me seem older.

And I wanna stress that it WAS a platonic I love you. We're both aro, first of all, and second of all they specifically said they loved me the way our fav platonic pairing in the fandom loves each other. I've been really careful and cautious- I'm not being groomed, I'm not being preyed on. But I just feel bad. I don't know. This could all just be super silly since they might not even be in college if I'm wrong, or they could be like, 18 at the youngest. My instinct is to not tell them and continue being friends if anything for my safety as a minor. But I don't know if that's just me being avoidant :/

Thanks for letting me send this, sorry it's super long! Wishing you the best Moo <3

How much information you give to people you meet online, even if they're your friends, is totally up to you. I'm a big supporter of minors picking and choosing the details they give to strangers (or friends) on the net. Hell, I'm even a supporter of minors LYING about themselves to the people and circles they join on the internet.

Nobody is entitled to information about you! Especially since you are a minor and are more vulnerable to the types of people who would try to take advantage of you. It's okay to lie, to be vague, or even downright avoidant about giving any sort of info that you don't feel completely comfortable giving. And anybody that makes you feel bad about that does not have your best interest in mind and should be dropped immediately.

If you do feel comfortable with this online friend and want to share with them that you are a minor, don't worry about them feeling betrayed or lied to. Like you said, it's not like you partook in any activities/conversations that were inappropriate or for adults only, so I don't think they would react poorly to the information.

Adults and minors CAN be friends and honestly SHOULD be friends. There's so much to learn from people who are not in your close age group! So long as a relationship doesn't cross any lines or have an imbalanced power dynamic, I think that these types of relationships are some of the most important out there.

When I first started getting into fandom and talking to people online who I didn't already know in real life, it was a bit of a shock that there were so many different age groups who all enjoyed the same thing that I did, especially since I grew up in a super small town where I was pretty isolated in my interests and passions. The few other people that DID like the same things as me just weren't the type of people I found myself drawn to IRL, so it was a pretty lonely experience. But the internet is amazing and it's so easy to stumble upon social circles. It's only natural that the people you meet would be from all over, of all different cultures, who've lived wildly different lives, and who have been around for different amounts of time.

If you want to tell your friend, just be open and honest, let them know that you weren't trying to deceive them and were just keeping your online safety in mind by withholding that information. I think the fact that they didn't outright ask for your age means that it's not a super important factor for them, as it isn't for a lot of people.

But don't feel obligated to "come clean"! You don't HAVE to tell them. So long as your relationship remains respectful and doesn't begin to cross those lines that minors and adults shouldn't cross with one another, then I don't see the harm in continuing your friendship as it is and not worrying too much about whether or not you owe this person your whole life story.

Stay safe out there Babe! Don't tell anybody anything that you're not comfortable sharing! But uh, even if you are comfortable sharing it, don't ever tell someone your address and social security number or exact location at any given time or other things of that nature. People who wish you harm aren't always very obvious about it. Sometimes they come disguised as friends.

You seem pretty knowledgeable about the dangers of talking to strangers online, but it's never a bad thing to be extra cautious when it comes to your safety and well being 👌🖤

[missvifdor]

SATURDAY JULY 2, 2022:

I had a super interesting dream, but there is one part that moved me the most!  And there were real sensations!

The beginning referenced the Umbrella Academy and I kind of had to fight to survive a certain ordeal.  It was a "training" but for me it was more like survival.

Then we come to the part that I liked the most!

I believe I was working for a very big agency and we were supposed to host several world famous K-pop groups!  They were all together for vacations or promotions, I think.  In any case, it was their last days in France and miraculously, all the groups had to meet on a bit of lawn to take a promotional photo where they were all grouped together.

It was to promote our agency and show future clients how much they had all enjoyed their stays with our company.  And the most incredible thing is that it happened a few steps from my house!  Right below my bedroom window!

My favorite band was only a few steps away from me!

Of course, such a gathering obviously attracted every possible fan.  But they were very respectful, giving space to the Idols and shouting their appreciation to them with pure joy.

As I was an employee of the company, I was able to pass the safety nets and the bodyguards with my badge.  I was super excited, I was shaking with my whole being to be so close to them, to BTS who had helped and accompanied me during the darkest and saddest moments of my life thanks to their music that always made me feel  better.

The Idols have all gathered, we smile for the photo.  And me, I was posing next to a girlsband I think, but I don't remember too clearly.

Then when it was all over, everyone started to disperse.  And I wanted to find the members of BTS just to have the chance to see them in person, just to have the possibility of passing by them.

I was too nervous and shy to strike up a conversation.  I was afraid of looking weird and boring them.  I would not even have dared to ask them for an autograph or even worse, a photo!

It was far too reckless for me.

I walked past Namjoon and my breath caught for a moment.  I was so moved when he glanced at me and smiled kindly that I almost cried.  I smiled shyly back at him.

Then I think I ran into Taehyung and Hoseok.  Taehyung didn't seem to notice me, as he instead walked over to the small appetizer buffet that had been set up for everyone.  But Hoseok smiled happily at me as he went to join him.

I waved goodbye and smiled back.  Hoseok lit up even more.

Then finally, I saw my Ultimate Bias.  Park Jimin was right in front of me and I think that's when I really started shaking and not knowing what to do with myself.

Jimin, who was talking with some female employees from the same agency as me (I think they were fans like me who were just as lucky as me to be here.), looked up and said  look in my direction.

I think he felt my gaze on him and it made him look at me.

I don't think I've ever been so red in my life and my heart almost exploded in my chest!

Jimin's eyes widened and gleamed.  He apologized to the ladies and ran up to me, a certain emotion in his eyes.

And then... We were so close to each other!  More than I ever imagined in my wildest dreams!

Jimin told me "It's you!"  With so much surprise and hope that I almost wavered and fainted.

May I add that he spoke really good French with a super adorable light accent.  And that her perfume smelled super super good.

I complimented him on his impeccable French, he thanked me saying that he was making a lot of effort to learn while waiting for the day to meet me.

Then he feverishly asked me if we could take a picture together, as if I was the Idol and he was the fan!  I was really close to collapsing with emotions!

I said yes, of course.  A chance like this will not happen every day.

He pulled out his phone and leaned over me so we could be about the same height.

That's really how I realized our height difference. Although Jimin is of average height for a man, I am really short for a grown woman, only 1m50 tall.

We took the photos and Jimin promised to send them to me. He even took the opportunity to hug me.

Can you believe it!?

Him ! It was he who initiated the contact! Not me because I would never allow myself with any celebrity to exceed this limit!

From somewhere, I heard Jungkook shouted that Jimin had finally found his soulmate jokingly, and I turned tomato red. Jimin just sent Jungkook away to see if we were there, laughing.

He seemed genuinely happy at the prospect. And then that part of the dream stopped and it referenced Merlin BBC.