#autistic trauma

[b00knerd1o1]

If you begin a study with the intention of curing Autism, it's not going to be accurate.

[cutting-the-strings]

Autistic school trauma is:

knowing you’re disliked, but not being able to know why

consistently being called out for your stims because they’re “disruptive” or “annoying”

trying to simply mesh in with others to avoid getting targeted

suppressing your anger to the point that you feel it’s not justified

never being able to form connections no matter how hard you try, and thinking it’s your fault

being able to form connections but never being able to be true to yourself or set boundaries since you’re so used to being disrespected

witnessing ableism from classmates but not doing anything about it because they’ll just invalidate you

never feeling like your opinions can be validated because you’re “weird”

being outcasted by your classmates constantly

having classmates either let you know outright or subtly that you’re disliked

eventually believing that you deserve to be disliked

suffering from chronic low self esteem that affects your grades, your ability to function, and even your ideas of love

frequently getting into toxic/codependent friendships

having teachers criticize you constantly for your symptoms

living from a complex of never being good enough

feeling like you have to reach a neurotypical standard on a daily basis and if you don’t, you’re incompetent

if you’re feeling any of these things because of school, autistic or not, know that what you are experiencing is trauma, and that your trauma is valid. You don’t deserve to be in a school environment where you are consistently criticized or made to feel like you don’t belong nor can’t be good enough. You deserve an environment that makes you feel safe enough to be neurodivergent, to be yourself. You deserve to feel loved, to feel cared for, exactly as you are, with no strings attached.

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

Childhood trauma culture is being grown and still getting really into whatever was popular with kids/teens when you were that age because you feel like you missed out

[kyubertty]

is anyone else deeply ashamed of their own interests even if there's nothing "wrong" with them because you're so used to being bullied for liking things a little too much or is it just me and my demons

[nonbinary-gothb1tch]

[velvet-vox]

The paradoxical nature of Qilby: part 2

Going back to the end of the previous part where I declared Qilby an autism icon, it came to me the realisation that autism is really the only way to justify some of Qilby's actions and odd behaviour; as a big brother and autistic person myself I also would force the people I care about to engage in my interests, I understand on a subconscious level that what I am doing is wrong, but I just care about it so much that I need to share it with them at all costs.

(Even though I would never go as far as starting a war with another species just to force my race to go on a family trip with me).

And like, no offence to Yugo or the Elatrope council but it is my theory that all the Yugo haters have begun popping up due to some people head cannon that him and his family is inadvertently ableist, which (although I might agree considering their dynamic and who their mother is) I don't think it's completely warranted; as someone else pointed out if mental health and psycho analysis existed in the Krosmoz then Nox would have never come to be; if somebody explained what autism is to Yugo then maybe he would be more lenient on Qilby (or maybe not, after all he is his brother), Nora also doesn't know about autism but she is more accepting of Qilby's oddities even if she doesn't like them, and Qilby SURE AS HECK DOESN'T KNOW WHAT AUTISM IS.

Side note: Shinonome is not necessarily autistic, since my sister understands me perfectly and she isn't on the autism spectrum herself, but she clearly has inherited her more passive personality from her mother while Qilby has probably taken more from his father meaning that even if she was she probably wouldn't go about it in the boisterous manner of his twin.

However all of this is just a head canon and not the focus of this post. What I instead want to point out and analyse is the list-like approach of Qilby to anything and how that reflects the way many autistic people approach mostly every conflict in their life. Let me explain:

The way this list-like methodology works is entirely centered around a priority system, so basically Qilby schematizes in his head what he needs to do and say in which order and he has to follow it religiously in order to get anything done, so like on his to do list there is:

First: Confront Adamai and Grougal. Second: Get Rushu's army and alliance. Third: Confront Yugo and Phaeris and take them out. Fourth (interchangeable with third): Get the Dofus. Fifth: Go the Emrumb to get the children. And Sixth: Leave the planet.

And he has to do them in this order because this is the way that he has envisioned them.

This is also reflected in the way that he goes about science and space travel: he reaches a planet, discovers his species, analyses them, classifies them, compartmentalizes them, collects some, rinse and repeat in the next world.

And finally, I want to bring up his two most famous sentences of season 4 to showcase how this priority based thought process carries on to his speech pattern and family view.

"My dear Yugo, we are brothers, before being enemies"

See?

Qilby realises on his relationship list that Yugo is its enemy, but that before that he is its brother, that's what has the biggest priority for him in this moment and in general. But that's not even the most interesting part:

"Farewell Yugo. My brother, my king."

This phrase of course has been plastered all over the fanbase, but like.... did anybody ever think about how weird this sentence is? You would expect Qilby to say brother as his last word, as a final acceptance nod to the fact that deep down he does care about Yugo. But no. Instead he says:

"Good luck"(the situation's dramatic, so he's giving Yugo an encouragement as the first thing)

"My brother,"(Yugo is his demigod brother born from another Dofus)

"My king."(lastly, Yugo is also his king, as sentenced by Chibi in a previous life)

Qilby could have just called Yugo brother as his last word to show that he cares, but instead he decides to call him king, a title that means very little to him on their relationship chart, to show that he values him so much that he is going to use a term that means very little to him just to let Yugo know that he is willing to acknowledge the part of their brotherhood that he doesn't care about as a substitute acceptance nod to the aspect of their dynamic that he values the most.

[helen-magpies]

Little rant:

Don't you all just hate it when your family say that you should lie, be manipulative, get a better attitude, have a nicer tone, stop rolling your eyes, stop being aggressive, stop yelling, and overall just berate you about being autistic and acting autistic because you are autistic and they refuse to listen to you when you say that you are autistic? I try to explain that i cant hear my tone, i dont roll my eyes, i physically cant lie, i refuse to be manipulative, im not yelling im just slightly raising my voice out of excitement or passion or frustration, im not aggressive im just unmasking...they say i just need to "learn" to essentially mask better...literally related to idiots :/

I am so sick of this ablism!

I am so sick of getting introuble for unmasking and being myself, im so tired of being lectured for my "attitude" and autistic traits. Im so angry at continuously being called weird because i dance like a bug, screech like a pterodactyl and call out unjust and harmful behaviours in others! I AM SO ANGRY AT THIS STUPID HIERARCHICAL SYSTEM I DON’T CONFORM TO! I WILL NOT CONFORM TO YOUR IDIOTIC SOCIAL NORMS!!

GENDER ISNT REAL! FEMINITY AND MASCULINITY ARENT REAL! SITTING PROFESSIONALLY ISNT REAL! NOT MAKING EYE CONTACT BECAUSE ITS RUDE ISNT REAL! MAHAHAHA YOU CANT STOP THE AUTISM! WE WILL DESTROY THIS STUPIDITY >:D

[v01dg0th]

I hear a lot about the autistic tendency towards honesty and authenticity, but what where are the other autistics who had their honesty and authenticity repeatedly and/or severely punished early on, and now feel conditioned to be inauthentic and insincere in social situations as a mask? It’s not that everything I say to others is an outright lie, but almost everything I say is very carefully tailored to be as watered-down, vague, inoffensive, passive and palatable as possible. It’s like I have such an intense, irreparable lack of understanding for what is expected/acceptable in every given social situation that I have to overcompensate by obsessively policing my own words and being myself and saying my genuine thoughts/feelings/opinions as little as possible.

It’s like knowing you’re supposed to color in a coloring page, knowing from experience you’ll be punished if you don’t, but not being able to see where the lines are drawn, so you color in as little of the page as possible in hopes that maybe you’ll be able to stay in the lines and avoid punishment, even if your art (or in reality- your self worth, ability to connect to others, etc) suffers as a result.

[noballoonsinspace]

Just saw someone defend an abusive teacher by saying “pretty sure you wouldn’t get into teaching if you didn’t specifically care about children and want to help them” and while this may be true it is dangerously dismissive of the fact that many adults have quite frankly very fucked up ideas of what is helpful to children

[smeetlinglord]

"There are no stupid questions, no, none at all! Unless, of course, you're autistic. Then every question you have is stupid, because they can easily be translated into long-winded judgments based on things you never said or did or even thought, and these judgments will get ran into the ground. Oh, and don't bother mentioning this habitual behavior to anyone, because even your loved ones will look at you like you're wearing a tinfoil hat. Surely you're so emotionally dysregulated because of the autism, not because of the way people treat you. Don't you know that you're the problem? That you're so freaky and weird and stupid? That you're a big dummy dumb numbskull? You ought to react less and start embracing all of the violence used against you. It would help our cause a lot if you let us win. What the fuck do you mean you have brain damage?? Brains don't get damaged. Organs are made of plastic. My source is *sharts with reverb*"

[b00knerd1o1]

Boycott Autism Speaks!

[disabled-dinos]

when noah kahan said “I’m still angry at my parents for what their parents did to them” I felt that in my bones

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

As a kid my family used to make fun of me for stuff that is apparently exclusively reserved for “old people” like rolling across the room in a rolly chair to grab something (instead of getting up and taking three steps) or sitting down at a table to do quick food prep like cut fruit or scramble an egg (instead of just standing at the counter for 90 seconds) TURNS OUT what they called laziness was just disability all along haha TURNS OUT I just needed a mobility aid yet here I am today still without one because they gaslit me into believing I was “just lazy” and it took me decades to finally understand that’s not true. haha who knew

[lifeonkylesfarm]

autism acceptance month is for all of us.

it's for the autistic kids that are being abused in ABA, and for all autistic kids

it's for the undiagnosed autistics that are wondering what is wrong with them, and for all undiagnosed autistics

it's for the autistic people of color that have faced increased trauma and violence for their intersecting identities, and for all autistic people of color

it's for the autistic afabs and women that faced difficulties with getting diagnosed, because people only think of little boys when they think of autism, and for all the autistic afabs and women

it's for the autistic lgbt people, who feel othered within the lgbt community because of ableism they've faced within it, and for all the autistic lgbt people

it's for the autistic trans people who feel that their gender intersects with their neurotype, and for all autistic trans people

it's for the autistic people who have been abused at school

it's for the autistic people that have been alienated and othered

it's for the autistic people that have been abused and othered by their families

it's for the autistic people that have been hated by neurotypicals because they are different

it's for lonely autistic people

it's for autistic people that fear and hate neurotypical people for what has been done to them

it's for the nonverbal autistics, who are treated like they understand nothing, and for all nonverbal autistic people

it's for the autistics that are working on unmasking, and for the autistics that still must mask for their safety

it's for the autistics who use mobility aids, and for those who need them

it's for the professionally diagnosed autistics, and the self-diagnosed autistics

it's for the autistic picky eaters

it's for the autistic people that have high support needs, and are dehumanized by others for it

it's for the autistic people that have low support needs, and are seen as less autistic because of it

it's for the autistic people who have been infantalized and dehumanized

it's for the autistic people with trauma from how they have been treated for their autism

it's for the autistic people who have meltdowns and the autistic people who shut down

it's for the autistic people recorded having meltdowns

it's for the autistic people who have been treated inhumanely during meltdowns

it's for the autistic people that self harm during meltdowns

it's for the autistic people that lash out during meltdowns

it's for the autistic people who feel empathy and for those who do not

it's for the autistic people who have taken their own lives

it's for the autistic people that have been killed by their caregivers and parents

it's for the autistic people who have been assaulted and harassed

it's for the autistic people that have been bullied

it's for the autistic people who are ashamed and for those who are proud

it's for the autistic people that are loud and for the autistic people that are quiet

it's for the autistic people that are hypersensitive and for those who are hyposensitive

it's for all the autistic stimmers out there, who stim in every way there is

it's for the autistic adults that have a hard time finding the support they need

it's for autistic boys, autistic girls, autistic enbys, autistic women, autistic men, autistic people of all genders, trans autistic people, nonbinary autistic people, gay autistic people, queer autistic people, autistic people of color, autistic people of all races and nationalities and ethnicities, autistic disabled people, fat autistic people, thin autistic people, mentally ill autistic people, and every other autistic people I could list

it is for all of us, because all of us live in a world that does not accept us

and we deserve to be liberated

[arcalx]

♤ I wish it was talked about how the concept of trust is such a hard concept to deal with as an autistic person. I'm not saying the act itself is difficult persae, no, because it's not. Autistic people often trust too much, too easily and that's what gets us hurt. No, I'm talking about how the constant bad experiences that can lead to such a hindering level of distrust.

As an autistic person, I no longer know how to take things at face value because no one tells you shit and I can't trust anything. I don't know when things go wrong and can't even trust when things feel right because people don't tell you when they don't like you, when you do something wrong, when you were rude or mean, the problems they have with you. They don't tell you that they don't want to be around you or that they hang out with you out of guilt, convince, pity, etc.

Too many times did I think that we were friends and that maybe I mattered to them when in reality, they couldn't care less or there were other people who held more importance over me. Too many times did I try my best to do everything right, to be exactly what they wanted at the expense of myself only to be thrown away without word or reason. Even when people do fulfill those roles, seeming so genuine, even going as far as to do kind things for me, to spare me some gentle words, even telling me how they supposedly think, I can't trust it. People always find ways to be cruel despite some goodness they display, to leave when they promise they won't.

How am I supposed to trust when everything seems like a lie? When people aren't always honest and open, keeping their intentions hidden at all times? Even seeing others be betrayed by the ones they trusted, the one they thought they knew; I don't know how to believe anyone.

But, god, I wish I could.