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fallinfl0wers · 2 years

Text

if you knew, you would understand. (you wouldn't).

fandom: genshin impact characters: xiao reader type: female summary: xiao has lost you far too many times. when the perfect opportunity is set up by fate, he doesn't let you go. genre: angst no comfort. warnings: yandere, non-consensual kissing (once). death (reader's. like many times, in different ways: crushed to death, falling to death, he has to kill you once, i don't think it's too graphic though...). notes: this is not very halloween-ish, and i don't think it's creepy? almost everything is written in xiao's pov, so it's kind of his descent into yandere-ness? but even then i'm not really sure if it's okay HAHAHA, please let me know if you think i missed something for the warnings and i'll add it asap!!! wordcount: 2905

The first time Xiao met you, he didn't think much about you. You were a human, like many others he'd seen through the ages. There wasn't anything outstanding about you; you were simply the youngest daughter of a family of farmers and there was nothing that made you stand out, in between the waves and waves of normal people, you were just another one.

This happened long, long ago; back when the powerful Conqueror of Demons wasn't the last standing Yaksha, at a time when the Archon War still hadn't come to an end anywhere, including what we know today as Liyue.

The first time Xiao fell in love with you, he could dub it as an accident.

You didn't catch his eye because you had unparalleled beauty (not to say you weren't beautiful to him, however, as far as he cared, aesthetics and beauty standards weren't something to spare a single thought. He has never been one to truly care about such things, perhaps out of his deeply rooted feeling of unworthiness and repulsiveness, he considered himself to be the last thing to have a right to judge someone's outer appearance). In fact, he didn't even know your name during the first four years his feelings for you started to bloom.

It was commonplace for humans to place food offerings for the Adepti, and although he wasn't fond of human food apart from very specific tea blends with a very specific amount of sweeteners, sometimes one of his siblings would convince him to at least be there with them when this happened. It was during one of those times that he first saw you, all on your own, arriving at the same time as he and his brother did. You couldn't have been older than twenty nor younger than sixteen- for the era that elapsed at the time you could be consider one of the luckiest people who got to live a long life, but Xiao looked into your eyes and all he could see was a soul far too young and innocent, like this was the first live you'd lived. Upon their appearance you, being the well-mannered, respectful woman you were raised to be, bowed deeply to them in greeting.

It mattered little to him, as he was busy blinking owlishly at the strange, fluttering sensation that ran through his chest. It didn't hurt, so it couldn't have been karmic debt. What was it, then?

Looking back, it was love at first sight. He knew not enough to come to this conclusion back then, but he, with a nod of acknowledgement, accepted the ceramic bowl with almond tofu you intended to give as an offering before leaving for your home. Absentmindedly, he picked up the eating utensils left with the bowl, and put a small piece of the sweet treat on his tongue. Immediately, his eyes widened in shock at the familiar texture and the amicable, welcoming sweet flavor of the dish; a replacement for sweet dreams, it was. A replacement, but a very good one.

Xiao showed his gratitude to you for introducing him to such a delightful dish, something that quelled the ache on his tongue and his need for a sweet dream without having to harm anyone, and the way you smiled at him while saying you were only doing what you had to made his heart take a leap.

Looking back, he should've known- it had been love at first sight. A sweet, innocent crush he would've nurtured and looked after had he been anyone but who he was at the time.

The first time he lost you, he hadn't been there to see the moment it happened.

An enemy attack, as those were common at the time. Just this time, it had been a strong enemy who attacked the settlement of Rex Lapis' domain.

Only after everything was said and done, a victory for the mighty god of contracts, was when he saw you within the casualties.

As humans and adepti lifted up rubble to try and find survivors, or to give a proper funeral to those who had fallen, he saw you.

His breath got stuck on his throat for a moment, and his heart clenched painfully at the sight of your body, broken and bloody, crushed underneath the rubble of a building and rocks, skin sickly pale, eyes unfocused and void of light.

That day, he learnt your name.

The first time Xiao lost you, you were twenty three, and you had been about to wed a man you knew since childhood.

At the time, Xiao didn't understand why that knowledge made his chest hurt more. Was he feeling sad because you didn't get to marry the one you loved?

No, if he looked back, it hurt more because now that he understood his feelings, he would've lost you anyway. Wed to some man he didn't know, when all he could do was catch sight of you from afar once every moon...

(Xiao wishes to say he would've rather had that, having you spend your life married to someone who wasn't him, loving someone who wasn't him, instead of having you dead. Once upon a time, he would've. But now...?)

The second time Xiao met you, he couldn't believe his eyes.

It was perhaps a hundred or two hundred years after your first death.

He saw you as one of the many refugees that arrived from the lands of a different god; a far cry from the regular, kind woman you were when he met you for the first time, yet, physically you were mostly the same, and so was your name and voice.

Unlike the first time, this time you reminded him of his darkest days, before he was taken in by Rex Lapis. Flighty, scared of everything, malnourished, with dark bags beneath your pretty eyes. And he knows, because he took the time to check on you, without your knowledge... he knows you had recurring nightmares about whatever horrors you faced out there.

(If Xiao fought harder and harder than he usually would when going against that god's soldiers, no one could get a reason as to why out of him.)

"...!! W-who... who are...?" Your trembling voice asked him back then. Xiao, without stepping forward, spoke: "If you awake to a knife at your throat, if monsters dig their claws into you, if death comes knocking at your door... call out my name. Adeptus Xiao. I will be here when you call."

You called his name.

Once. And only once.

You called him, but it was too late. You were too slow.

Xiao thought he was the one who came too late, when it was you who called him a second too late.

As if slipping through his fingers like grains of sand, you fell. Out of reach, to your death.

That was the second time he lost you.

The third time he met you, he swore to him self he wouldn't let you be hurt again. Perhaps it had been his involvement with you, however small it was, that had cursed you. So this third time, he was going to keep more distance between him and you, only protecting you from the shadows, sending whatever small blessing he could your way.

And it worked.

Until you turned around and smiled shyly, looking around.

"I know you're there... and I know you're the one who's been protecting me this whole time. I'm not scared of you. Just... thank you, whoever you are."

Xiao hadn't been able to resist back then.

He stepped out of the shadows, and allowed you to talk to him. You were brighter, and warmer, when up close. He didn't bother trying to hide the pink blush that spread on his cheeks, merely looking at you in awe as you giggled at his expression; gently beckoning him to accompany you on a walk.

He said nothing, most of the time; unsure of how to interact, unsure of what would be appropriate to say, and unsure of why he was thinking so hard about what to say. Maybe it was because of his love for you, that he wanted oh so badly to do the right thing. But the poor man knew nothing of the intricacies of a human's mind and heart, knew nothing of the courting rituals one was supposed to follow in order to show interest to the object of one's affections. So instead, he kept providing what little he could to you.

His protection.

Sometimes, he would pick up flowers on his way to visit you. Other times, he would bring bright pieces of shiny minerals he knew humans seemed to be fond of, and you always accepted gladly all his gifts. You always responded by smiling at him and placing your hand on his face, gently caressing his cheek, letting him nuzzle into your warmth momentarily.

This part of his routine was what he loved most. To be near you, to listen to you speaking, to be able to show you he cared, to be able to protect you, to share what little peace still remaining on his life he had with you.

But, fate has never been kind to him.

Soon, you start falling ill. You cough and cough, and you tell him it's okay, just a cold. But then your illness doesn't stop, and you're too weak to go out like you used to.

It is not fair, he thinks, you're still young, you shouldn't have to be bedridden like that.

And the third time Xiao lost you, he knew it had been his fault.

He stared in horror as you whrited in agony in your bed, holding onto you head, crying and screaming and trying to scratch something off yourself, surrounded by a heavy, dark energy he knew all too well that spread through your veins all along your body, unable to speak or think.

His karma. His fault.

As much as you moved and howled, you were already dead by the time he found you. This was just the remnants of what you used to be, soul corrupted and torn apart from inside out in consequence of his existence and involvement with you.

He puts an end to your suffering, feeling as though a part of him is dying when his spear pierces your chest, and silently, tears run down his cheeks, and unto your cold and still, dead body beneath him.

He's dizzy as he stares at the husk of what used to be you, mind numb and noisy all at the same time, his eyes unfocused and zeroed on the blood that spills from your wounds and then your empty eyes, eyes that used to look at him with adoration and love, staring into nothing. He can't hear anything as he cradles your cold body close to his, wishing he had never gotten involved with you, wishing he could've prevented this, wishing you were still alive and well, with him.

This is the third time Xiao has his heart broken and a piece of his sanity cracking.

And it is not the last.

Years pass and pass without mercy, and no matter where he goes, he finds you again or you find him yourself.

It's a vicious cicle of you being there, being your beautiful, so easy to love self, Xiao loving you a little too much, and being unable to save you from an untimely end be it at hands of others, of your own nature, of yourself or even he himself. Whether he keeps his distance or not, he could never do anything for you.

Not protecting you.

Not saving you.

Not having you.

And perhaps, that was what hurt the most.

Because Xiao, flawed and broken as he was, loves you. From your first life and even now that he's lost you once again, he's been in love with you and everything you represent in his mind that losing you every time makes his soul break just a little bit more.

Xiao desperately wanted to hold you tight.

He wanted to live with you.

He cursed at his own existence, blaming his karma for everything that happened to you.

Every time he met you again he kept on thinking about how different things would be if only he had been anyone else but himself.

If only he wasn't the dull, pathetic excuse of a weapon he was.

If only he could be stronger.

If only he could be human.

If he were human, maybe he wouldn't have doomed you to this cicle of endless violent deaths and rebirths.

If he were human, maybe he would've been able to properly love you and make you happy instead of cursing you for his attachment to you.

The last time Xiao meets you, he stares.

He hears that blond traveler call you by the name he knows by heart, and he sees you laugh with her and it's the sound of that pure laughter that always makes his heart flutter. He looks at you, and he knows it's you.

He briefly sees the traveler walking away after whispering something to you and pointing upwards, and he can hear his name in the wind.

"-guy named Xiao. Please hand it to him while I finish my commissions."

And once you're there, standing in front of him, holding a ceramic bowl with almond tofu, asking if he is 'this guy named Xiao' and telling him that 'Lumine was too busy but she would come later', his mind goes blank.

Because, unlike the past, when he'd only feel his heart fluttering and breaking at the sight of you, when he'd only find himself craving your presence and touch, this time, the ever present, pulsant agony of karmic binds was no more.

Dull. Silent. Gone.

Just because you were there, it disappeared.

Like you were cleansing his soul.

If his karma stops when you're around, that must mean something. It must mean this is a dream. And if it's not, then it must mean he can't harm you anymore.

But he's not the only reason why he's lost you in the past. Illnesses that could've been easily prevented, battlefields you should've never been present at, disgusting humans you should've never crossed paths with-- this world had taken you away far too many times for him to trust it with you.

You flinch, seeing how tears silently start falling down from the corners of his eyes. Yet, you can't bring yourself to be fully concerned for his wellbeing, not when his piercing gaze is staring at you, as if looking straight into your soul without any emotion being shown on his face or body language.

Shivers run down your spine, and Xiao doesn't see it.

No.

Xiao doesn't see you taking a step backwards, because he moves forward towards you with his mind reeling.

He's lost you far too many times.

This world has taken you away far too many times.

And if this time, by some miracle, you're immune to the harm his karma brings...

The only thing he can do, is take you away.

"W-wait... what are you--?" "I'm sorry." "What do you me---" "I won't lose you again. Not this time."

Before you can blink or scream or do anything, he's taken you somewhere you don't recognize.

It's a tiny room. Dark, and without windows. At least you think so, you can't see much before you're rapidly thrown down. Breath is knocked out of your lungs when he pushes you down against the floor, careful not to hit your head, holding you close and pressing his lips against you with desperation, tears dripping onto your skin as his inhuman strenght makes it impossible for you to fight back and you're scared, scared beyond belief, not knowing who this is, or what he wants or what he'll do-

But to Xiao, this is paradise.

Holding you close, kissing you, this is all he wants.

Perhaps to your relief, he doesn't wish (or perhaps, doesn't know it's possible) to go further than that, he just hugs you tightly, clinging onto you for dear life, frantically mumbling incoherencies about how this time it's going to be different, this time he'll take care of everything and won't let the world hurt you.

Xiao doesn't let go of you, even hearing the taquicardic rhythm of your heart and feeling your body shaking.

You're afraid of him.

But it's okay (it's not, please don't look at him like that, please stop shaking, please stop giving him that look please love him again)

You just don't know anything yet.

He'll tell you everything eventually.

Surely then, you'd understand.

Surely then, you'd understand and know he is the only one who can keep you safe, the only one who can make you happy.

Surely, once you know... you won't blame him.

Surely then, you'll smile at him again, and look at him with the same love you used to all those years ago.

Surely then... surely then... if he does this all, then surely...

...he can... keep you forever, this time... right...?

When Lumine goes up to the balcony, she feels unsettled at the sight of a broken ceramic bowl and spilt almond tofu on the floor.

She calls out Xiao's name in concern, and for the first time, he doesn't come.

No matter how many times she calls, he never comes.

fallinfl0wers. 2022.

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sweaterkittensahoy · 3 months

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Prompt: A and B try to figure out who can make the other person blush first/the hardest.

Pairing: RosieLemmons

[I didn't hit the prompt exactly, but I made them both blush a couple of times. Consider this a missing scene to There's a Part of You Always Standing By (Mapping Out a Sky.]

Robert tells Ken all about his family during the war. His parents live in a two-story house with his grandparents and his sister. Robert had only recently begun looking for his own apartment before he signed up for the war. Ken had smiled at his stories, liking how similar it sounded to his own life. Except he's from a farmhouse that looks off-center because rooms have been added as needed over the years. But he grew up with his parents and grandparents and siblings all in one house, too, so getting grabbed by the face by Rosie's mom the first time he meets her makes him beam.

"Mrs. Rosenthal, it's a pleasure," he says.

"It's Ma, and you know it," she says and shakes his face between her hands. "Oh, you're so cute my boy must have blushed like a new rose the first time he saw you."

"Ma," Robert groans.

"The photo doesn't do you a bit of justice," she adds, dropping her hands from Ken's face and ushering him to a wall of photos. On the wall in a shiny new frame is the photo Robert and Ken had taken after Robert had surprised him with the camera. Robert in his uniform, Ken in his coveralls. They look like themselves, Ken thinks, but he knows better not to say it. Mothers like to say things like how handsome you are when they meet you in person.

"Well, it almost does Robert justice," Ken replies.

"You be quiet, too," Robert says and grabs for Ken's waist to pull him close. "I'll kiss you 'til you're pinker than me."

"Dare you," Ken murmurs as Ma laughs and walks out of the living room.

Robert gives him an amused look, and drops a smacking kiss to his cheek. "You're more trouble now than on base, I think."

"Well, you married me, so you're stuck now," Ken replies and loves the way Robert looks at him, eyes soft and smile wide.

"Oh, there you are!" Matilda shouts as she walks into the living room. She beams at Ken. "It's so nice to see you again!"

"You, too," Ken replies.

"What about me?" Robert jokes.

Matilda glances at him and shrugs. "You I've seen plenty," she says.

Ken snickers when Robert squawks in faux-outrage and threatens to tickle her. Matilda threatens to pop him one, and Ken enjoys the show as they taunt each other while Matilda leads them both into the dining room.

Robert's grandparents have serious faces that remind Ken of his granny, though they look different in every other way. He's never seen his granny in anything fancier than the dark blue dress she keeps for important events. She'd worn it to Ken's grandpa's funeral and also to his courthouse wedding to Robert a few weeks ago. The moment the guests had left the house after the post-wedding celebration, she'd changed into her usual faded floral dress and put her hair back into its long braid.

Robert's grandparents, on the other hand, are wearing older clothes like his granny, but his grandmother is in pastels, and his grandfather in a clean, white shirt and dark green slacks. His grandmother's hair is set in a careful upknot, and his grandfather's hair is combed into a careful shape so his curls stay at the back of his head.

"This is Ken," Robert says to his grandparents. "Ken, my grandparents, Mr. and Mrs. Matas Rosenthal."

"Lovely to meet you," Ken says, offering his hand to Robert's grandfather. He relaxes a little when Matas takes his hand without hesitation and gives it a good shake.

"Robbie says you're going to keep working with your hands," Matas says. "That's good work."

"Thank you, Sir," Ken says. He glances at Robert's grandmother. She's smiling at him. "Ma'am," he says.

"Camilla," she replies. "What did you work on before those big planes?"

"Farm equipment, mostly," Ken says as Robert leads him around the table and holds out a chair for him to sit.

"I worked on my family's farm as a girl," Camilla says. "I was very good with carburetors."

"A deft hand on sewing machines as well," Matas says. "That's how we met."

"I'd moved to the city to get better wages," Camilla says with an ease that tells Ken they've told this story many times. It makes him smile. "Matas created the patterns for the suits. I got into an argument with him one day about what fabric he wanted to use because I knew the machines couldn't handle it."

"I thought she was wrong," Matas picks up the story. "So, I made her prove it. The needle snapped halfway through the first seam, and the machine smoked as if to call me a fool."

"It made you see sense, and it took no time to fix," Camilla replies, patting his arm. "The screw on the arm had been pushed out by the force of the work. Common problem. I had it fixed in no time flat."

"And I was in love," Matas says, smiling at her.

Ken glances at Robert and feels soft at how happy he looks watching his grandparents tell this story. "That's a great meeting," Ken says. "I was just up in some landing gear and Robert came to look at his fort."

"And then the most handsome man I'd ever seen jumped out, and I was in love," Robert replies.

Camilla and Matas chuckle. "Oh, there's so many ways to fall in love," Matas says. "It took us a little more time."

There's the sound of the front door opening and closing, then a booming voice calls out, "Is this house suddenly empty?"

"Ken's finally here, Papa!" Matilda calls from the kitchen off of the dining room.

"Oh, well, then I'll come to you!"

"He's this dramatic every evening and knew we were arriving today," Robert murmurs.

"It's nice," Ken says. He leans against Robert as the younger Mr. Rosenthal walks into the room. He's wearing a nice suit and has a large mustache. His eyes are as blue as Robert's, but his is rounder. Robert pops up from the table to meet his father in a hug, and Ken likes how much they both smile. He stands up from his chair so he's prepared for proper introductions.

"Oh, welcome home again, my beautiful son" Mr. Rosenthal says to Robert. He pats Robert's cheek, then turns and kisses Ma as she walks over to him. "My beautiful wife," he says, then leans down to kiss Matilda on the top of her head. "My beautiful daughter." He walks over to his parents and kisses each of them on the cheek. "My beautiful parents." And then he stops a few feet from Ken and holds out his hand. "And my beautiful son."

"Sir," Ken replies, shaking his hand. "It's an honor."

"Johann," he says. "Or Papa."

"Ken or Kenny's fine by me," Ken says in reply.

"Ken fits fine," Papa says. He pulls Ken into a one-armed hug and gives him a shake. "After dinner, I'm going to pull out some letters our Robbie sent and make sure you know how he loves you."

Ken laughs even as he feels a blush take over. "My sister did that to me," he says. "Made me sit there while Robert got an earful."

"It was great," Robert replies, and he's blushing, too. "I'm happy to return the experience."

"I already feel at home," Ken says because it's true. Robert's smile makes his own widen. "House full of good smells and everyone sitting down to dinner."

"You're after my mother's heart with talk like that," Papa says, giving Ken one more squeeze before he lets him go. "That's good. Family's important. Keeping it going and growing, that's worth all kinds of hard work."

"I agree," Ken says as he sits again. Robert sits next to him and leans over to kiss his cheek. "We didn't have a regular courtship, but I look forward to having a real happy marriage," Ken adds, which makes Robert duck his head. He takes Robert's hand and squeezes it gently.

"You two did a lot of hard work to get here right now," Ma says as she walks into the room with a pitcher of water. "You got through more fear and sorrow and worry than some couples see in a lifetime."

"Lucky them," Camilla says, and Ken likes how she sounds truly glad some people have it easier.

"An easy time is a lovely time, but weathering hard times and coming out together, that's what builds a family," Matilda says, clearly reciting something she's heard a lot. She's smiling.

"My granny always says you gotta be in it together to get it through it in one piece," Ken replies.

"Another similarity," Robert says, and Ken smiles at him, understanding what he means. They're so different on the surface, but in so many ways, they were brought up the same.

"Lucky us," Ken says, and Robert nods in agreement.

#rosielemmons #masters of the air #rosie rosenthal #ken lemmons

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psianabel-writes · 2 years

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Brain & Player 2 - Secret letters

(But Psi you can't just write things setting in Missing Link when you don't even know what this game is about - you're right but watch me anyways. Uhhh, they/them selective mute Player. The possibilities with Brain and Player 2 .... yeah. Player is a real name sshh.)

--------------------

"Master Brain…?"

With blinking eyes Brain looked up from his seat on the bench across the Fountain, putting down the book he held into his lap.

"Player. Good to see you."

A small smile played on Player's lips, taking their hat off as they set for a small bow in front of him.

"Mind some company?" They signed to him, and Brain's eyes widened - quickly he removed his loose papers and quill from one side to put it to the rest of his belongings on the other, making space for them.

He still wasn't quite used to seeing this familiar style of signing, but the feeling of home was always a welcome sight. Especially coming from them, all things considered.

Player gladly took the offered seat and Brain lifted his leg up to have the book in his lap a safer position as he signed. "Finished all tasks for today?"

A small hum came from them, followed by a simple shrug. "Wasn't much, Sigurd needs more faith in me."

"Hah, I'll make sure to tell him that."

"Wait, no no -" Player waved frantically in front of them, simply earning a chuckle from Brain. "He'll just give me more tasks -"

Oh no, this was the opposite of what they wanted - Player let their arms dangle from the edge of their seat, sighing deeply. But Brain patted them on their back, still having that smile on their face.

"No but, what brings you here? Don't you still have to check in with him?"

"Oh!" Player quickly lifted themselves up and patted over their pockets, finding the right one after the second try. They took out a piece of folded paper and handed it to Brain. "I, uh, … found this on my way here, I think it's yours."

Curious Brain took the paper and unfolded it, taken aback by the sight of his own handwriting - he quickly rummaged his notes at his side, and, really, it wasn't there.

He leaned backwards and rubbed over his forehead. "Wow, I really must have lost it then. Thanks"

Player smiled with a nod. "No one else writes with these letters, and … I didn't read further than the first line, so …" Their eyes briefly met and Brain immediately avoided them. " … your secret stays with me."

Brain let out a deep breath. Out of all things he could have lost, deep personal writings were definitely not on that list.

His gaze fell onto the statue in front of them - Player briefly followed his gaze and then went back to face the ground again, fumbling with their hands in their lap.

"... But, I suppose, all things considered -" Brain leaned over to Player and laid his arm over their shoulder, holding the piece of paper in front of them. "... I wasn't quite done writing to him, so …"

Player was silent, their gaze switching between the paper and the statue.

"... so if you want to say anything to him, I can still add it."

For a while Player didn't move and Brain gave them the time to decide, and eventually their hand moved again.

"Maybe … there are some things …"

Brain took out his quill and ink and prepared himself, as did Player as their hand never left the spot over their heart.

So many things left unspoken, where should they even begin?

#kingdom hearts #khml #kh brain #kh player #fanfiction #my work #hhhhhhh anyways #i think Daybreak uses different letters that is all

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fancifulpurposelesslovely · 2 years

Text

Andreil - Touch - The King's Men

Notes:

It's here. It's time.

Once again, absolutely some editor discretion happened here. Deciding who was touching who and if it was important Not Touching or casual or whatever took... some effort and guessing.

If you know of any moments I missed, please please please let me know, I'd love to add them here and to my notes.

Chapter 14 will always be my favorite.

There are times I count touching clothes as touching and sometimes as not-touching. If clothes are chosen specifically to avoid touching skin, it's counted as not-touching.

This post is long. Like longer than you think it is. Probably longer than that. Beware when opening.

I don't even want to think about how much time I spent on this specific task, but I'm really happy with it and I hope others enjoy it too!

Andrew Touches Neil

Chapter One

He shouldn't have been surprised that the first thing Andrew went for was the bandage on his cheek. Aaron and Nicky had looked past it, not even noticing it amongst the rest of the gauze and tape. Andrew had spent too much time watching Kevin's back to not put the pieces together. He scratched up a corner of the tape and ripped the bandage off like he wanted to take Neil's face with it. Neil braced himself for violence, but Andrew's blank expression didn't change at the sight of Neil's new tattoo.

“Riko let you go," Andrew corrected him. "We are doing too well this year and your feud is too public. No one would have believed you willingly transferred to Edgar Allan mid-season." Andrew smashed the bandage against Neil's face again and pressed the tape flat with hard fingers. "You weren't supposed to leave Kevin's side. Did you forget?"

…Why did you go?" Neil didn't know if he could say it. Thinking about it was almost too much. Andrew was waiting, though, so Neil choked back his nausea. "Riko said if I didn't, Dr. Proust would—" Andrew clapped a hand over his mouth, smothering the rest of his words, and Neil knew he'd failed.

Chapter Two

He didn't remember putting his head down and definitely didn't remember falling asleep. Fingers digging into the back of his skull startled him awake. He grabbed for a gun, for a knife, for anything close enough to buy him room to flee, and sent the computer mouse skidding across the table. Neil stared blankly at it, then at the screen in front of him. Fingers clenched into a fist in his hair and Neil didn't resist as Andrew forcibly tilted his head back. "Is your learning curve a horizontal line?" Andrew asked. "I told you yesterday to stop making my life difficult." "And I told you I wouldn't promise anything." Andrew let go of him and watched pitilessly as Neil rubbed at his head. Neil sat up straight and started shutting his browsers down.

Andrew dug a fingernail into the hollow of Neil's throat until he had Neil's undivided attention. "Sit down and be still."

Shut up," Wymack said. "When you're sporting fewer than fifty stitches I'll consider letting you on my court again. If I catch you so much as looking at your gear before then I will bench you another week out of spite. Do you understand?" "But—" "Give me a 'Yes, Coach'." "Coach—" Neil forgot the rest of his argument when Andrew pinched his wrist. A bolt of fire popped through his fingers and he snatched his hand away as fast as he could. Neil flicked Andrew an irritated look, but Andrew didn't even look at him. Neil wrapped his arm around his stomach to get his hand out of Andrew's reach and sullenly turned his attention back on Wymack.

Chapter Three

On Neil's right shoulder was a burn scar, courtesy of getting smacked by a hot iron. Andrew put his left hand to it, fingertips lining up perfectly with the raised bumps the iron's holes had left behind. His right thumb found the puckered flesh from a bullet. Neil had slept in his bulletproof vest for almost a month after that close call, too scared to take it off. His mother had to bully him into shedding it long enough to wash up. "Someone shot you," Andrew said. "I told you someone was after me," Neil said. "This," Andrew dug his fingers harder into the iron mark, "is not from a life on the run." "My father gave me that. People came by asking questions about his work. I didn't say anything, but I didn't sit still enough, either. He hit me as soon as the door closed behind them. That's why I gave you 'Abram'," Neil said. "I don't want to give you my father's name because I don't want anyone to call me it ever again. I hated him."

Chapter Seven

"Revenge is a motivator only for the weak-willed," Andrew said. "If you believed that you wouldn't be planning how to kill Proust." The doctor's name still tasted like acid, burning Neil's tongue and throat, but it wasn't enough to put a dent in Andrew's calm expression. Andrew gazed at him in silence for what felt like an eternity, then propped his cigarette between his lips and motioned Neil closer. Neil was sure he was stepping forward into a knife for bringing Proust up again, but he obediently closed the short space between them. Andrew caught the back of Neil's neck in a bruising grip to keep him from retreating. He pulled Neil's head toward him and blew smoke in Neil's face. "This is not revenge," Andrew said. "I warned him what I would do to him if he touched me. This is me keeping my word." He waited a beat to make sure Neil understood, then let go. The next time he raised his cigarette to his mouth Neil took it from him. Neil broke it between his fingers and let it fall to the asphalt by their feet. Andrew watched the halves roll away from each other and turned an unimpressed look on Neil. "Ninety-one percent," Andrew said.

Chapter Eight

Neil dropped the helmet to the pile at his feet and punched the back of his locker. His fist hit plastic instead of metal, and Neil wrenched the broken bag off its hook. When he turned to throw it Andrew caught his wrist. Neil hadn't even heard Andrew cross the room toward him. Neil stared at him and through him, heart pounding in his temples. "It's ruined," Neil said, voice ragged with an awful rage. "It's all ruined." Wymack burst into the room with Nicky on his heels. The sight of so much blood stopped him short for a moment before he strode for Neil. "Is that yours?" "Coach, my gear," Neil said. "It's—" "It's not his." Andrew let go of Neil and went back to his own locker. "He's fine."

Chapter Nine

Andrew dug a finger in Neil's cheek and forcibly turned his head away. "Don't look at me like that. I am not your answer, and you sure as fuck aren't mine." "I'm not looking for an answer. I just want—"

"No one asked you." With that, Andrew caught Neil's face in his hands and leaned in. Nicky's drugged assault aside, Neil hadn't kissed anyone in four years. The last girl was a scrawny French-Canadian who'd held him with just her fingertips and kissed like she was afraid of smudging her tacky-bright lipstick. Neil couldn't remember her name or face anymore. He remembered only how unsatisfying the illicit encounter had been and how furious his mother was when she found them. That awkward peck wasn't worth the punishment that had followed. This was nothing like that. Andrew kissed him like this was a fight with their lives on the line, like his world stopped and started with Neil's mouth.

He hadn't figured out which way to lean before Andrew pried Neil's hand off his coat. "Let go," Andrew said. "I am not doing this with you right now." He practically shoved Neil's arm away from him and leaned back out of Neil's space.

Chapter Ten

Neil took the pint from Andrew's unresisting fingers, stacked it on top of his, and leaned in. He stopped shy of actually kissing Andrew, not daring to touch him until Andrew gave him a green light. Andrew's expression didn't change but there was a subtle shift in his body's tension that told Neil he'd gotten Andrew's attention. Neil lifted a hand but stopped it a safe difference from Andrew's face. Andrew caught hold of his wrist and squeezed in warning. "It's fine if you hate me," Neil said. It was the truth, if a bit of an understatement. So long as Andrew was only physically attracted to Neil, this was safe to experiment with. Neil's death wouldn't be more than a faint inconvenience to Andrew. "Good," Andrew said, "because I do." For a second Neil thought Andrew would push him away and be done with this. Andrew did push, but he followed Neil down. The short carpet was rough against Neil's knuckles where Andrew pinned his hand over his head. Neil couldn't complain when Andrew was an unyielding weight on top of him. He started to reach for Andrew again but stopped himself halfway there. Andrew snagged that hand too and held it down out of the way. "Stay," Andrew said, and leaned down to kiss him. Time was nothing. Seconds were days, were years, were the breaths that caught between their mouths and the bite of Neil's fingernails against his palms, the scrape of teeth against his lower lip and the warm slide of a tongue against his. He could feel Andrew's heartbeat thrumming against his wrists, a staccato rhythm that echoed in Neil's veins. How a man who viewed the world with such studied disconnect could kiss like this, Neil didn't know, but he wasn't going to complain. Neil had forgotten what it was like to be touched without malicious intent. He'd forgotten what body heat felt like. Everything about Andrew was hot, from the hands holding him down to the mouth steadily taking Neil apart. Neil finally understood why his mother thought this was so dangerous. This was distraction and indiscretion, avoidance and denial.

Chapter Eleven

Andrew set the beer aside without taking a sip and closed the fridge door with his foot. It took two steps to close the small space between them and Andrew stopped as close as he could get without actually leaning against Neil. His fingers were cold from the can when he curled them around Neil's chin.

Yes or no?" Andrew asked. "Yes," Neil said. Andrew sent a significant look down at Neil's arms where they were folded across his chest. It took Neil a moment to catch on, and then he dropped his arms and stuffed his hands in his jeans pockets. Andrew waited until he'd gone still before kissing him. Neil stopped thinking about classes, Exy, and Kevin's liquid spine and let Andrew kiss him senseless. He was cotton-headed and unsteady by the time Andrew pressed his other hand flat against Neil's abdomen. Every nerve ending from his chest down seemed to twitch in response. Neil clenched his hands into fists like that would keep them where they were and let Andrew back him into the wall.

Andrew pushed him harder into the wall, mapping him out through his shirt from shoulders to waist and back again. He'd had his hands on Neil's bare skin just a couple weeks ago when he saw Neil's scars, but this felt completely different. This was Andrew learning every inch and edge of him. His hands had never felt this heavy or hot before. Every press and demanding slide of his fingers sent heat curling through Neil's veins. It made Neil restless, made him anxious, made him lean a little deeper into Andrew's kisses and made him too aware of the denim trapping his hands at his hips.

Neil couldn't remember the last time he'd put hands on someone. It wasn't the girl in Canada—maybe the girl before. For the first time he considered touching Andrew like that and learning Andrew's body the way Andrew was memorizing his. He wanted to find the places that made Andrew give ground. He hadn't said that aloud, but as if on cue Andrew followed Neil's arms down to his wrists and poked his fingers into Neil's pockets. He was making sure Neil's hands were still there, Neil guessed, so Neil twisted his hands deeper in response. Andrew caught hold of his wrists and squeezed to stop him. After a moment's consideration he pulled Neil's hands free and held them up by his head. He kissed Neil like he wanted to bruise his lips and leaned back to fix Neil with an intense stare. "Just here."

They didn't talk at night, maybe because they'd talked at practice or maybe because it was late and they were only stealing a few minutes before much-needed sleep, but night was where Neil had the most questions. They niggled at him when Andrew pinned him against chilly concrete and worked hot hands under his shirt. Being curious about Andrew wasn't anything new, but the gnawing importance of these answers was. Kissing Andrew changed things even if Neil knew it shouldn't. He wanted to know where all of the lines were and why he was the exception. He wanted to know how Andrew was okay with this after everything he'd been through and how long it'd taken him to come to terms with his sexuality after Drake's abuse. Neil stole the cigarette as he sat down beside Andrew and turned it over in his hands. Andrew blew smoke in his face in response, so Neil flicked ash at him and made as if to stub the cigarette out. Andrew pinched his wrist and took the stick back.

"That's a first," Neil said. "Do I get a prize for shutting you up?" "A quick death," Andrew said. "I've already decided where to hide your body." "Six feet under?" Neil guessed. "Stop talking," Andrew said, and kissed him.

Chapter Fourteen

There was a crash behind Nathaniel, the unmistakable sound of a body slamming into wood. He turned as Andrew forced his way into the room with Wymack right on his heels. Kurt grabbed at Andrew but lost his grip when Wymack shouldered past him. Nathaniel had only a second to see the handcuffs locking Andrew and Wymack together, and then Browning reacted to the violent entrance by reaching for his gun. He tried straightening, but Andrew caught his shoulder and shoved him to his knees. Nathaniel went without argument and cradled his wrecked hands in his lap.

Andrew's expression was deceptively calm, but there was iron in his grip when he seized Nathaniel's chin

He dragged a finger along the lines of tape keeping the myriad of bandages in place as if looking for the best place to start. He tore the gauze off Nathaniel's right cheek first, exposing the striped lines left by Lola's knife. He favored the stitches with a cursory glance before moving on. The tape on Nathaniel's other cheek hurt like hell coming off, since it pulled the skin around his burns, and Andrew froze with his hand a few scant inches from Nathaniel's face.

Andrew pressed two fingers to the underside of Nathaniel's chin to turn his head. Nathaniel let himself be guided and said nothing while Andrew looked his fill

He caught hold of Nathaniel to turn his face forward again and shot Abby a look so vicious she stopped in her tracks.

…I don't want—" he started, but that wasn't fair. "If you tell me to leave, I'll go." He didn't say it would kill him, but he didn't have to. Andrew hooked his fingers in the collar of Nathaniel's sweatshirt and tugged just enough for him to feel it. For a moment Nathaniel was months away from this moment, standing in the darkened front hall of Andrew's house for the first time with a warm key digging into his palm. It felt like coming home, and it was enough to take the edge off his fear. "You aren't going anywhere," Andrew said: the same words, the same promise.

Andrew tugged Nathaniel's hoodie and said in German, "Get rid of them before I kill them."

Neil sat in the backseat with Andrew and toyed with the bandages on his face. Andrew popped the back of his head when he realized what Neil was doing and ignored Neil's scowl.

Neil didn't know what sound he made but Andrew's fingers were a sudden and unforgiving weight on the back of his neck. Andrew pushed him forward and held him down. Neil tried to breathe but his chest was as tight as a rubber band ready to snap.

Chapter Fifteen

Andrew studied his chest with a bored look, but the fingers he pressed to Neil's scars were a heavy and lingering weight. Neil waited to see if he had anything to say, but Andrew hadn't spoken to anyone since they checked out of the hotel in Baltimore. Neil doubted the others had noticed, since Andrew rarely talked to even Kevin or Nicky now that he was sober, but Neil wasn't used to the silent treatment.

A hand in his hair jarred him from his thoughts and he cracked his eyes open to see Andrew standing in front of him. Andrew hadn't bothered to get undressed aside from stripping his bands and shoes off. Water plastered his black shirt to him, and small streams raced down his temples and over his cheeks to drip off his chin. Neil reached for his face, remembered the bags just in time, and frowned a bit in annoyance. Andrew pushed his hand aside and yanked the shower curtain closed. Andrew got Neil's hair washed efficiently, if not gently, but by the time he moved on to Neil's body there was more kissing than cleaning.

Chapter Seventeen

Finally Andrew looked back at him, but for a moment Neil didn't know who he was looking at. In the space of one breath Andrew's expression went so dark and distant Neil almost retreated. Then Andrew was back, as calm and uncaring as always, and he caught Neil's wrist to push his hand to his side. He dug his fingers in before letting go, not quite hard enough to hurt, and said, "That's why." Neil stopped when Andrew told him to. It wasn't much, but it was more than enough. Neil managed a nod, too numb to speak, and watched Andrew walk away from him.

Chapter Eighteen

The club was too loud for Neil to hear Andrew's approach, but suddenly Andrew was pressed into his side by the crowd. Roland looked from Andrew to Neil and back again, brow furrowed a bit in badly-concealed concern. Neil realized then he was looking for a sign they were all right after what he'd let slip back in January.

Chapter Nineteen

The darkness should have hidden the jittery wreck he'd become, but Andrew wasn't fooled. He jabbed Neil's shoulder on his way back out of the room. Neil tore his gaze away from Kevin's unconscious form and followed. Andrew pushed him up against the wall with heavy hands and hard kisses. "Junkie."

Neil Touches Andrew

Chapter Two

Matt made the mistake of stopping to look. Andrew didn't even hesitate but punched Matt hard enough to knock him off his feet. It should have been impossible to topple him; Matt had more than a foot on Andrew and could out-press any of them at the gym. Andrew had the advantage of surprise, though, and didn't stop when Matt fell. He smashed his fist into Matt's face as soon as Matt hit the ground. Dan was on her feet in a heartbeat, but somehow Neil made it to Andrew first. He didn't even remember deciding to move. He used his body and momentum to shove Andrew back. He expected Andrew to hold his ground, but Andrew let himself get pushed and flicked Neil an unconcerned look. Neil put his hands up between them in case Andrew tried to go around him.

Chapter Eleven

Andrew watched the phone bounce off the couch and skitter across the carpet. It was a toss-up whether or not he'd ask. Neil kissed his neck, hoping to distract him, and was rewarded with a startled jolt. That was enough reason to do it again. Andrew pushed his face away, but they were standing too close together for Neil to miss the way he shivered. Andrew kissed him before Neil could say anything about it.

"Okay," Neil said, and dug his fingers into Andrew's hair as soon as Andrew's grip went slack. It wasn't much but it was a desperate relief having something to hold onto. Maybe that low rush in his gut was from being trusted enough to reach out at all. Neil would figure it out later. All that mattered now was how easy it was to pull Andrew in for another kiss.

Chapter Twelve

"Are you ever going to tell them?" Neil asked. "I won't have to," Andrew said as he slid out of his seat. Neil would have reached out to stop him, wanting to hear the rest of that, but Andrew wasn't leaving. Instead he helped himself to the other half of Neil's seat. Neil turned to face him as Andrew explained. "Renee says the upperclassmen are betting on your sexuality. They're split down the middle." Matt had said they were betting on Neil, but this wasn't what Neil expected them to be putting money on. He floundered a moment, unsure how to react, but said at last, "It's a waste of time and money. They'll all lose. I've said all year I don't swing and I meant it. Kissing you doesn't make me look at any of them differently. The only one I'm interested in is you." "Don't say stupid things." "Stop me," Neil returned. He buried his hands in Andrew's hair and tugged him in for a kiss. It was easy to forget this endless ride and tonight's game with Andrew's hand on his thigh and teeth on his lip. Andrew pulled away too soon and got to his feet. Neil knew this wasn't the time or place, but that didn't stop him from feeling cheated.

Chapter Fourteen

"I was going to tell you," Nathaniel said. "Stop lying to me." "I'm not lying. I would have told you last night, but they were in our locker room." Nathaniel still had his hands up by Andrew's face, so he lightly tapped a thumb against the bruise at Andrew's eye. "I didn't know they'd staged a riot."

"Get away from us," Andrew said. "Andrew," Abby said, quiet and careful. "He's hurt. Let me see him." "If you make me repeat myself you will not live to regret it." Nathaniel had never heard that murderous tone from him. It made his hair stand on end but somehow eased some of the lava in his chest. It was Nathaniel's fault Andrew's self-control was in shreds, but it was also for his sake. Andrew's bottomless rage would never hurt Nathaniel, and that made all the difference in the world. Nathaniel gave Andrew's hair a cautious tug. Andrew resisted the first two attempts but finally let Nathaniel drag his attention back where it needed to be.

Nathaniel kept one hand buried in Andrew's hair but finally lowered the other. In quiet German he said, "Did they tell you who I am?"

"My uncle executed him," Nathaniel said, wondering. He crossed a precarious line and pressed two fingers to Andrew's chest over his heart. The memory chilled him to the bone, and he couldn't suppress all of a shudder. "I spent my whole life wishing he would die, but I thought he never would. I thought he was invincible. I can't believe it was that easy."

Chapter Fifteen

Andrew made the mistake of turning his face away at one point, so Neil chased water down the side of Andrew's neck. Andrew's fingers clenched convulsively on Neil's sides as a shudder wracked Andrew's frame. Andrew tried to recover with a ground-out, "Your neck fetish is not attractive." "You like it," Neil said, unapologetic. "I like that you like it." He bit down to prove his point and Andrew turned his head into it with a sharp hiss. Neil smiled where Andrew couldn't see it.

Chapter Sixteen

Andrew preceded him out of the room, but Neil snagged his sleeve as he tugged the door closed behind them. Andrew obediently turned to face him.

Chapter Seventeen

Neil stared at his empty palms, mystified, then reached under the hems of Andrew's long sleeves and caught the edges of Andrew's bands. He knew there were sheathes in Andrew's bands and had handled them before, but the weight still caught him off-guard.

Neil let him get to the railing overlooking the campus pond before catching hold of Andrew's elbow. Andrew wrenched out of his grip but stopped moving.

Chapter Eighteen

Andrew took the stool so no one could get between him and his drinks, and Neil stood as close to his back as he could

Mutual Touching

Chapter One

Neil was the first out and he caught Andrew's door before Andrew could close it. Andrew didn't move, but there was just enough room for Neil to lean in and get his binder. He straightened and turned to find Andrew had shifted closer. There was nowhere for Neil to stand except up against Andrew, but somehow Neil didn't mind. They'd been apart for seven weeks but Neil keenly remembered why he'd stayed. He remembered this unyielding, unquestioning weight that could hold him and all of his problems up without breaking a sweat. For the first time in months he could finally breathe again. It was such a relief it was frightening; Neil hadn't meant to lean on Andrew so much.

Chapter Eleven

Andrew slowly let go of his wrists and placed a hand flat on Neil's chest. They stood like that an age, Andrew testing Neil's control and Neil content to kiss their mouths numb. Andrew's hand between his legs was an unexpected weight. Neil didn't realize how tight he twisted his fingers in Andrew's hair until Andrew bit his lower lip in warning. Neil grumbled something incoherent and forcibly loosened his death grip. He thought he tasted blood, but it was a fleeting tang quickly forgotten as Andrew got his button and zipper undone. Andrew wasn't gentle, but Neil didn't want him to be. Neither of them had the constitution for tenderness. This was ruthless, almost angry, Andrew's hand taking Neil as far and fast as he could go. Neil tried pulling Andrew closer, but Andrew kept a hand flat on Neil's chest to keep space between their bodies. Neil barely managed Andrew's name before Andrew pushed him over the edge and kept going. Andrew smothered his frantic gasp with a last hard kiss and finally let go of him. They stood cheek-to-cheek a minute, an hour, a day, Neil's heart pounding in his temples and overloaded nerves shuddering. Coherent thought came back in lazy, fractured pieces and the first thing Neil was really aware of was how tight Andrew's fingers were digging into his chest. Neil tried to look down, but Andrew gave him a short shove in response. "What about—" Neil started. Andrew cut him off with a low, "Don't." "You can't go back to Kevin and Nicky like that." "I said be quiet." "You said 'don't'," Neil said. Neil flexed his fingers in Andrew's hair, fixing his grip so he could tug Andrew into a short kiss. Andrew tolerated it for only a moment before leaning back. He wiped his hand on Neil's shirt before tugging at Neil's wrists.

Chapter Fifteen

Neil leaned in to kiss him, needing to know if Andrew would lean away or push him back. Instead Andrew opened his mouth to Neil without hesitation and slid his hand up Neil's chest to his throat. Kissing hurt his injured cheeks but Neil fought to ignore that twinging pain. It'd only been a couple days since those kisses on the bus but right now it felt like forever.

Maybe Andrew felt the twist of his lips against oversensitive skin, because he tangled his fingers in Neil's hair and pulled his head away. Andrew put a hand flat against Neil's abdomen and pushed, backing Neil up until he was out of the spray and pressed flat against slick, chilly tile. Andrew bit the question into the corner of Neil's jaw. "Yes or no?" "It's always yes with you," Neil said. "Except when it's no," Andrew said. Neil put a plastic-wrapped finger to Andrew's chin, guiding his head up for another kiss. "If you have to keep asking because—I'll answer it as many times as you ask. But this is always going to be yes." "Don't 'always' me." "Don't ask for the truth if you're just going to dilute it."

Andrew clapped his hand over Neil’s mouth and kept it there until going to his knees meant he couldn’t reach anymore. Andrew ghosted kisses across Neil’s hip before swallowing him whole. Neil caught at Andrew’s hair, but his injuries and the plastic bags made it difficult for him to get a good grip. He scrabbled at the wall instead, but it was too slick to offer much leverage. Andrew pinned him against the wall with a hand on his hip, which helped, but Neil still felt like he was falling.

“Do you want—” he started, voice ragged. Andrew kissed him to shut him up. Neil grimaced a little at the taste on Andrew's tongue but was happy to burn it away. Andrew braced himself with a forearm against the wall, keeping a few comfortable inches between their bodies. Neil let him have that gap but crossed his aching arms behind Andrew's head to keep him close. Neil didn't notice the absence of Andrew's other hand until Andrew's breath caught against his lips. It confused him for a second, to the point that he was almost stupid enough to pull back and look down. It'd been weeks since kissing Andrew became a regular thing, but every night ended the same: with Andrew getting Neil off and then sending Neil on his way. He wouldn't even unzip his pants when Neil was still around. Neil didn't know if this break in routine was grudging trust or determination to not let Neil out of sight again. Neil didn't care right now so long as Andrew stayed. Neil hummed something into Andrew's mouth that could have been approval, could have been encouragement, and got a faint growl in response. Andrew wasn't amused by Neil's support, but he wasn't annoyed enough to pull away, either. Neil held tight until Andrew finally went still. Andrew took a couple seconds to catch his breath, then pushed at the wall until Neil obediently dropped his arms and let him go. Andrew rinsed his hand in the spray before getting to his feet and helping hoist Neil up.

Chapter Seventeen

Neil locked the door behind him and crossed the room to Andrew's side. Andrew let him take the vodka away without argument or resistance. Neil screwed its cap on tight and set it where neither of them could knock it over. Andrew was ready when Neil turned back to him, and he caught Neil's collar to pull him down. Neil planted one hand against the rough carpet to keep himself leveraged off Andrew's body. The other he buried in the beanbag near Andrew's head. Andrew dragged a hand down Neil's arm from his shoulder to his wrist. "Last I checked you hated me," Neil said against Andrew's mouth.

Neil ignored that dismissal because Andrew was already pulling him down again. They kissed until Neil felt dizzy, until he wasn't sure he could hold himself up anymore, and then Andrew pulled Neil's hand off the beanbag chair. He held it up away from them for an eternity, then slowly pressed it flat against his chest and let go. Andrew tensed up underneath Neil's hand but relaxed before Neil could pull away. Neil wasn't fooled. Andrew had made it very clear the first time he kissed Neil how important an actual "yes" was. This casual surrender wasn't genuine consent. Andrew was doing this because of what they'd said on Wednesday, but Neil wasn't sure which one of them Andrew was trying to convince. It'd only been three months since Proust's abuse and four months since Drake's attack. Neil didn't know when Andrew would be okay with this but he knew it wasn't today. Neil left his hand on Andrew but refused to move it from that spot.

Not Touching

Chapter One

...If you are worried about dying of exposure you're a little late." Andrew raised a hand to Neil's face but stopped with his fingers just a breath from Neil's skin. Andrew wasn't looking at his injuries; he was staring at Neil's unguarded eyes. "Did I break my promise or were you keeping yours?"

Chapter Five

Andrew started to turn away, so Neil hooked his gloved fingers in the netted head of Andrew's racquet and gave a careful tug.

Chapter Six

"That's enough," he said in German. He was close enough to grab Andrew, but Andrew had warned him he didn't like being touched. He held his hand out over Renee's head instead and waited for Andrew to flick it a hooded look. Satisfied he had Andrew's attention, Neil said again, "That's enough, Andrew."

Chapter Nine

Neil's heart stuttered to a stop at the first hard press of lips against his and he reached up without thinking. His hand made it as far as Andrew's jaw before he remembered Andrew didn't like to be touched. Neil caught hold of Andrew's coat sleeve instead and knotted his fingers in the heavy wool. The touch was a trigger. Andrew leaned back just enough to say, "Tell me no."

Chapter Eleven

Neil obediently let go of him and didn't miss the way Andrew watched him lower his hands. Neil didn't know if he could get them back in his pockets without brushing up against Andrew, so he tucked them behind his back instead. Andrew eased back out of Neil's space and dropped his hands. "Go," Andrew said. "Where?" Neil asked. "Anywhere I can't see you," Andrew said. Neil wouldn't live long enough to understand all the broken layers of Andrew's sexuality, but he at least knew better than to be offended by that dismissal. He waited until Andrew was far enough back that he could step away from the wall without bumping into him. The room was set up so his desk was partially out of sight from the door, but Neil went to the bedroom instead. He dug the knuckle of his thumb into his swollen lower lip and winced a little at the sting. He peeled his shirt over his head, bundled it up to hide the mess, and stuffed it into his laundry basket. He traded his jeans for sweats, scrounged up an old tee to wear, and leaned against his bed to wait.

Chapter Twelve

Neil heard the click of a lock coming undone and knew the referees were opening the door. Andrew wasn't moving yet, but Neil still put an arm in his path to keep him where he was. He pressed his gloved hand to the wall and leaned in as close to Andrew as he could with all of his bulky gear on. "I'm asking you to help us," Neil said. "Will you?" Andrew considered it a moment. "Not for free." "Anything," Neil promised, and stepped back to take his place in line again.

Chapter Fourteen

Andrew's fist went back, but he didn't take the swing. Nathaniel knew it wasn't because that was the hand cuffed to Wymack; Andrew's arm actually shook with the effort it took to not knock Nathaniel's head off his neck. Nathaniel said nothing to tip the balance either way. At length Andrew uncurled his fingers and let his hand hang limp from the cuff. "Say it again and I will kill you," he said.

Chapter Seventeen

"How is this okay?" "It isn't a 'this'," Andrew said. "That's not what I'm asking. You know it isn't. Andrew, wait," he insisted, because Andrew was turning away like he couldn't hear Neil anymore. Neil reached for him, unwilling to let him leave without a real answer. "No," Andrew said, and Neil's hand froze a breath from Andrew's arm. Andrew went still as well, and they stood for a minute in awful silence.

#aftg #fox reads aftg #all for the game #andreil #andrew minyard #neil josten #andreil touching #aftg research project #all the king's men

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i-love-an-alcoholic · 1 year

Text

Story of M: How things went to hell, Part 2

CONTENT WARNING: Drug addiction

Antabus was a miracle drug for me in many ways, but it has one major flaw: it only prevents alcohol use. I had conditioned myself to the general feeling of being on something, be it alcohol, weed or other substances and my brain was not ready to give up that. While I had succesfully given up alcohol, I quickly replaced it with excessive weed smoking. After about six months I stopped taking Antabus and began drinking again, although not as much as before.

Remember the troubled guy I was in a "relationship" with? From now on I'll refer to him as Shitty Boyfriend. Our relationship was transactional: I gave him money (he didn't work) and he gave me drugs. At some point I felt like I needed to help him gain some control of his chaotic life, so I gave him money for a psychiatrist. He saw one, and got a prescription for an anti-anxiety medicine (a benzodiazepine) which he quickly became addicted to. The meds did nothing to improve his life: he just took a pill to temporarily feel better about things so he didn't need to actually change anything, and whenever the effects wore off he'd pop another one. He gave pills to me whenever I asked and I would take them with or without alcohol (this is a dangerous combination, don't do it) and I regularly gave him more money so he could get his prescription renewed. Edit: I should add that he saw the doctor at a private practice and therefore had to pay out of pocket.

Our friend group at the time was very drug-seeking, so there were a lot of various substances to try. I tried everything except strong opioids (I'm scared of them). Every time I visited Shitty Boyfriend we would gather and spend an evening playing video games, board games and doing drugs. I'm not going to lie: I sometimes miss those times.

I still went to work every day like a normal person, but as soon as I got off and closed my apartment door behind me I'd pop some pills or blaze it. As I've said before, I justified this by the stressful nature of my job. Eventually the facade began cracking and I got in trouble at work for my erratic behaviour. A lot of things happened and as a result I was transferred to a different deparment, which turned out to be insular and toxic. I was already in a bad mental state, the working environment worsened things and I began using amphetamines to cope.

For the next few months I lost all my savings, so I began taking payday loans to pay for my addiction. I even lied to my parents to get money from them. My life revolved around speed: it was all I could think about. After nine months I weighed around 48kg (106lbs), my mental health and finances were in shambles and I was seriously considering IV use (never did though, thank deity). Then I woke up.

I clearly remember that day. I had gotten my pay on friday and after paying rent, utilities and some of the the payday loans I had about 100€ left until next payday. I gave the money to Shitty Boyfriend who was visiting, and he went to buy us drugs for the weekend. By sunday evening all of it was gone and Shitty Boyfriend had left. I was sitting in my kitchen with no money and no drugs. It was almost like an out of body experience: I suddenly saw myself from outside and realized what I was doing was wrong. My lifestyle was unsustainable. My behavior was unhinged and I had gotten in trouble at work again because of it. I basically had two choices: either to quit or to become a full-time drug addict. I would lose my job. I would lose everything that really mattered to me. I would lose my life.

On that day, at the age of 30, I quit drugs.

#i love an alcoholic #tw drugs

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astralsweetness · 2 years

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hellooo, i am here to annoy you a little bit with the suju ask game 💙

1, 11, 12, 42, 70, 99, and 100? spill all the details, and add anything you want, i'd love to know :3

This is referring to this post. Yeah sure! Absolutely not annoying me at all, it's fun! I wish more people would talk to me about Suju :( Put beneath a read more cut bcs it will probably be long haha

1. When did you become an ELF? This is sort of hard to quantify, bcs even now I'm not totally sure if I'd consider myself a hardcore enough fan to call myself an "ELF". I first got into Suju when they released Don't Don, bcs that was 100% my shit - rock/metal with a VIOLIN? And a pretty boy screaming??? Bro. So good. When Hangeng inevitably left though I sort of stopped paying attention to them closely - I felt like they were probably going to go through more difficulties and I didn't want to get attached. I kept an eye on Heechul though, bcs I have always loved his voice and tone, whether he's doing screamo in Don't Don or singing rock for M&D or astounding us with rock ballads with Kyunghoon. So if anything I guess I'm not technically an ELF but can classify myself as a Petal since I am definitely a fan of Heechul and always have been. I am only really getting back into them now, so I guess you could say I've been a baby-ELF since Don't Don era and have just never progressed out of that stage haha

11. Your ult bias? & 12. Your bias wrecker? So, @funkywinkyboy and I talked about this recently but I feel like with Suju there aren't ult biases or bias wreckers! I've decided there's a whole different classification for Suju:

The "first and forever bias"

The "they appeared out of nowhere and like a cancerous growth have irrevocably ruined me forever" bias

The "I don't even find them physically/mentally attractive and yet I am drawn to them like a moth to the fucking imploding sun" bias

And then "electron biases" that just float around forever as your little baby (plural) but are not aggravating enough to become the moth to the sun one but also make enough sense that they aren't the cancerous growth one

So if we're following my new classification system lol, Heechul is my first and forever bias, Hyukjae is the cancerous growth bias, Kyuhyun is my moth to the sun bias, and Donghae is my electron bias!

42. Sexiest song or performance? You had to see this coming, considering it's.. well, me, but Hyukjae's VCR from their STYLE tour where he has all the sex toys and bondage equipment and men in heels with floggers chaining him to a bed, etc. That VCR has a grip on my fucking soul. As a domme it is one of my favorite things in the world, and I like the opening performance he does as well, with the chains. You can see the VCR + intro I'm talking about here if you're interested. I am actually in the process of taking screenshots from that VCR and color-correcting them + unblurring them bcs I am so obsessed with it. I'll make one post with them later when I'm done lol, so not gonna add them here 👀 Just gotta keep an eye out for them when I'm done!

70. Funniest or most iconic SuJu moments? God, there's so many. Suju's comedic sense is absolutely phenomenal. Shindong in particular is great at really out of pocket comedic lines. Currently I think my favorite lil moments are Donghae's incessant "Hyukjae~" during their 'Bout You performances, or Leeteuk fighting for his life during No Other while trying to find the camera. Just lil cute things like that I like a lot. Honestly any of the energy of watching Heechul's solo MV behind the scenes too, they're all so unhinged, he just absolutely does not want to be seen as vulnerable and the mental gymnastics he will go through to avoid that is funny lol

99. If SuJu could do anything you wanted, what would you want them to do? (E.g, perform a song live, bring back a member, etc.) I miss Hangeng and Kibum 😭 And ofc Sungmin, but if he was wanted by the group to come back that would have already happened. I feel bad for Kibum bcs he really missed out on all the success Suju had, and Hangeng... just a shitty situation all around for him. I am glad he seems to still be on good terms with the boys tho, and is leading a happy life! Let's see, aside from that... I want SM to do SOMETHING with Zhoumi omg, he wants a Suju-M comeback, give him one :( I also would like a sub-unit with Heechul and Henry doing rock shit, so like.. M&D but with a violin. Obviously that won't ever happen since Henry left but.... pls give me more rock songs! And with violins! ...Man I miss M&D. Pls revive it Heechul, it was so good, I listen to your two albums on repeat still

100. Your favorite thing about SuJu? Burn the Floor? Lmao but seriously, I think my favorite thing about Suju is how they are clearly more than just an idol group. They were originally only supposed to be idols as a sort of back-up to augment their other skills in things like acting and comedy, and it really shows, bcs they excel at those things now too. I love my groups that are attached at the hip and have a close-knit bond that's more than a family, but something about Suju's realistic relationship with one another, where they've grown up and don't always see each other but still (for the most part) get along is nice. It's like being able to see the more realistic side of the industry while still keeping the rose-tinted glasses since they still like one another. You've got to have both to survive I guess - on the one hand you have a group like Pentagon, that will literally waste away into nothingness if they have to be apart from one another, and then on the other hand you've got a group like Suju who is like... I haven't seen one of our members for MONTHS now, I assume he's alive 😂

#god this was fun #talk to me more about suju i dare you #elf-bot #ask #<33 ily thank you

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lifetimeshipper · 2 years

Text

Cursed Bond

Chapter 9

---------------

After a couple of days of being cooped up in Med Bay, Arcee was finally free to leave it and get back to staying in Megatron's room again, though she would rather continue staying in Med Bay. But she knows she wouldn't be allowed to. She lays on the large berth for who knows how long. She wanted to be with her team, she missed the time she would spend with Jack but most of all, she missed Wheeljack.

Megatron had been setting up a sort of date for him and her and it was finally ready. He goes into the room to get Arcee, "Come with me, I want to take you somewhere."

With a sigh, Arcee got off the berth and followed Megatron. Not like I have much of a choice.

He leads her to the Ground Bridge control room to get a Ground Bridge to the area. They go through the Ground Bridge and arrive at a beautiful meadow, she sees a Cybertronian table and chairs set up with Energon cubes sitting on the table. Taking in the view she felt like Megatron was up to something, "What's all of this about?"

"Consider it a way of apologizing for beating the scrap out of you, I shouldn't have gotten so angry like that. So I set this up, sort of like a date."

"The view is nice, I guess," she says as she looks out to the meadow.

This better work. Megatron thinks to himself as he walks over to the table, "Come sit and drink the Energon," he says in a soft tone as he sits down.

I don't know what you're planning, Megatron, but I'll play your game, for now. Arcee thought to herself as she took a seat. Megatron picks up his Energon cube and starts drinking as he watches her. Arcee stared at the Energon, it didn't look like it had been messed with. Picking it up she slowly took a sip.

"Don't worry, my dear, I wouldn't put something in your drink."

"You wouldn't have to, you could just force me to do whatever you want."

"Like I've been doing."

Arcee didn't say anything as she drank her Energon. Megatron brought out the bracelet device to give it to her, "This is for you, to add to my apology." Looking at the bracelet she noticed the ancient Cybertronian writing, it was beautiful. She wondered how Megatron had gotten something like it. "Do you like it?"

"It's beautiful."

"Go ahead and put it on."

A small part of her was telling her not to put it on but it was just a bracelet. Ignoring the nagging voice she put it on her wrist. Megatron smirked behind the cube as he took another drink from his Energon. Not seeing the smirk she went back to drinking her Energon.

She's gonna be all mine. Soundwave programmed the bracelet himself so I know it's gonna work.

Finishing the rest of her Energon she suddenly felt light-headed. Trying not to look weak in front of Megatron she did her best to ignore it but the light-headedness grew into a processor ache. Megatron saw her shake her helm then saw her grab it as she leaned forward to set her elbow on the table, "Are you alright, Arcee?" He asked her sounding concerned.

"I'm fine, just got a processor ache," she muttered.

"Maybe we should head back then so you can lay down and rest." He finished his Energon then got up and went to help Arcee up. Arcee accepted Megatron's help, even though she didn't want to. He helped her back to the ship then to his room and he laid her down to rest. "You rest now, I have to check on everything. I'll be back later."

Laying on the berth she slowly drifted to recharge.

Megatron left the room and headed to the main control room, "Did you give her the bracelet, my lord?" Breakdown asked when he saw him.

"I did."

"Think it'll work?" Knock Out asked.

"She's already starting to feel the effects. When she wakes up again she will be in love with me."

"That's good," Breakdown says while Knock Out looks sad. His spark went out to the femme, she shouldn't be forced to love a mech that she doesn't want to love.

"Have you heard from Airachnid or Starscream?" Megatron asked them.

"Not a word, Lord Megatron, they have been gone for some time now," Knock Out replied.

"I'm sure they're fine."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Starscream was kneeling in front of Wheeljack who was guarding him while the rest went after Airachnid. Wheeljack kept his optics on the seeker, his servos twitching, ready to grab his swords if he needed to. He still found it rather interesting that Megatron chose such a scrawny-looking mech as his second-in-command, then again, Starscream was a smart bot.

Also, he's heard rumors and stories about him and if any of them is true then he would be a very dangerous bot. Starscream looked up at him, "The Wrecker Wheeljack I presume."

"What's it to ya, Screamy?" Wheeljack growled the question.

Starscream scowled at that nickname, he always hated that nickname, "I'm just curious, I've heard a lot about you."

"Good things I hope," Wheeljack said with a smirk.

"Quite good," Starscream said with a smile.

"Good." Wheeljack placed a servo on Starscream's shoulder before suddenly slamming him to the ground, "Now, let me tell you about some of the bad things."

Starscream just looks up at him wondering how he's gonna get out of this predicament. Glaring at the mech, Wheeljack got off of him, taking a few steps back. "You're going to tell me where the Decepticon warship is."

"I'm not telling you anything!" He snarled back.

"I was hoping you would say that." Wheeljack smiled as he unsheathed one of his swords.

"No, please don't hurt me. I couldn't tell you where the warship is even if I wanted to, it moves and there's no telling where it is now."

"How dumb do you think I am? You're Megatron's second-in-command, practically glued to his side a majority of the time."

"But I don't want to be at his side anymore I want to leave that. All he does is beat me and downgrade me all the time"

Before Wheeljack could say anything else, Bumblebee comes running up to them and tells him what happened. Wheeljack pulled Starscream off the ground and followed Bumblebee to the others. They soon manage to get the other bots, who were stiffened still, and Starscream back to base. "Is there any way to reverse the effects, doc?" Wheeljack asked as he tapped on Bulkhead's head.

"Yes, there is," Ratchet replied as he got to work on reversing the device, he soon got it and was able to unfreeze the bots. They stretched to get their armor and systems functioning and moving again. Optimus looks over at Starscream, "We need to know where the warship is," Optimus said in his stern tone.

"I already tried that, he said that he didn't know where the ship was," Wheeljack huffed as he crossed his arms.

"Easy way around that, we just access his navigation systems and find out."

"Ohh no, you are not messing with my navigation systems," Starscream practically whined as he held his helm as if he was trying to protect it.

"Then search it yourself and tell us where the ship is."

Starscream growled in frustration as he accessed his navigation systems and searched for the ship. He'd rather search for it himself than let these Autobots mess with his processor. The bots stood by waiting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On the warship, Arcee woke up, the bracelet had done its work and changed her processor while she was sleeping so she now believes she's in love with Megatron. Megatron walks into the room and Arcee looks up at him and smiles, "Hey."

"Are you feeling better?" He asked as he watched her.

"Yeah, thanks for helping me back. I don't know what brought on the processor ache."

"I'm just glad you are feeling better." She gave him a smile he had never seen before, it made her look cute and sexy. The look was new to him since she's always given him scornful looks. "It's been a while since I've seen that smile." He liked this side of her.

Still sitting on the berth, she grabs his servo and pulls him to go down on his knees, "Come down to my level."

Moving to one knee he looked at Arcee, wondering what she was planning. A rare soft smile formed on his lips as he held her servo. She put her other servo on the side of his face and leaned forward, she brushes her lips against his in soft kisses.

His optics widened for a moment before he closed them, he placed a servo behind her helm as he deepened the kiss, practically devouring her mouth. She wrapped both her arms around his neck and he wrapped his arm around her waist, pressing her body against his. His grip tightened just a little as he got up, picked her up, and laid down on the berth, pulling her on top of him.

Arcee pulls back from the kiss and looks at him, "I love you, Megatron."

"I love you too, Arcee, I have for a long time." He smiled as he caressed her back.

"Do you have some business to attend to right now?"

"Not at the moment, I just want to spend some time with you."

She smiled as a slight blush crossed her faceplate. She leaned in to whisper in his audio receptor, "Then maybe we can do some business of our own," she whispered in a seductive tone.

Megatron felt himself shiver at her sweet tone, "I would gladly do some business with you." He kissed her neck and she giggled as she let her servo roam over his broad chest down to his stomach. Sweet merciful Primus. He let out a soft moan under her touch.

"Are you enjoying it?" Arcee asked as a slight chuckle slipped out.

"Ohh yes," he sighed with bliss.

"Good," she whispered as her servo slid down to his interface panel. She rubs on his panel as she kisses him again. Megatron moaned softly as he bucked his hips into her servo. She pulled back again, "My turn to pleasure you," she whispered to him.

Megatron smiled as he placed a gentle servo on her cheek, "I'm sure you will be amazing."

She just smiled back as she continued. They proceed on to have the most pleasurable time they've ever had.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 1

Next Chapter

#fanfic #transformers fanfic #transformers prime #tfp #wheeljack #arcee #megatron #tfp wheeljack #tfp arcee #tfp megatron #wheeljack x arcee #wheelcee #romance #one-sided love #obsession #forceful mating #cursed sparkbond

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simsrecordkeeping · 2 days

Text

final thoughts

Happy tenth, Sims 4. It was nice knowing you

I'm not starting a new game.

I considered it for a while, but ultimately, I just don't want to. Not this one. It's not a horrible game, but it's certainly not a great one, and it's probably the worst of The Sims series. If I'm gonna start anew, I'm going back to 3. I'll even pay for them again. (Not likely)

I loved all of it, don't get me wrong, but it's not a rational or justifiable love, and dedicating time and attention to it when there's other, more desirable sandboxes for me to play in feels like a bad decision. It's pure nostalgia that would keep me there and I just don't have the rose tint strong enough.

I liked lots of things. The scientist career in get to work was my favorite. I liked the aliens, too, and seasons. I liked the genetics, to the extent that I think they should have gone farther. I liked the aging options. (Only played house)

But it left a lot to be desired. For instance, I had to play aging like I did because the neighborhood didn't do anything without me. The AI is trash and the commands still fall off at random and need me to pry the sim off the computer. There still is no Fertilize All. They still go turn on the radio to dance in the sleeping baby's room. They still leave the dishes in the floor.

And that's just stuff that isn't supposed to be like that. There's shit like, they're fucking impossible to kill. It takes them six hours to eat breakfast and do homework even when the command chain doesn't get lost or the animation never gets locked up and confused. Pets take up household member spots. None of the wood grain on the walls matches any of the floors and neither of those matches any furniture.

The game is massive. It's massive and I have maybe a grand total of ten add-ons. I can't imagine how much computer I would need to hold $4k of it. (I can't remember how much it actually is, so I be hyperbolic.)

And then EA is just getting worse. Stuff packs and kits are bullshit, bugs run rampant, and the only thing they can do to fix the bugs is fuck up the mods applied to fix the fucking game.

This most recent news has not helped. I won't say I was looking forward to 5, but I certainly didn't want to hear that they were just going to keep bloating this game and try to dip their hands into the creators' pockets. And I certainly don't want Multiplayer. I can think of one way anyone even would, and I don't even want to do that. (Minecraft server-y where you share the same file and build and work on the same worlds/families)

I lost my save and I was sad, but I'm not really sad to see this game out of my life. I love the stories, going with little gobbo thoughts and sparking affairs and shit, but without a previously existing investment, I don't want to put anything new in.

I am gonna leave this blog here. I might finish up everyone's eulogies.

Not gonna miss the game. I am gonna miss that save.

Happy anniversary everyone. Have fun!

-Freya

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writer86 · 4 months

Text

... how long has it been?

Selene jolts awake and scrambles to her feet. It was dark when they were crashing, now the sun is... nearer to setting than to rising, she thinks. Water to her right, some kind of river, and to the left, the wreckage of the Nautloid. She's looking for something, anything familiar when -

*As you wake, the tadpole squirms in your skull.*

She breathes slow, steady through the discomfort, and when it subsides to a dull sense of something behind her eye, she considers her surroundings, tries to assess whether anything looks familiar, some kind of landmark, but,

*The chaos of the crash site confuses the landscape. You'll need to find a settlement or a landmark. And you'll need to do it quickly. The tadpole is a death sentence, and the clock is ticking. You need a cure.*

Selene begins running through a list of priorities when she realizes she is not, in fact, alone on this beach.

Shadowheart, unconscious but breathing, that strange trinket still in her hand. Again, Selene wonders what it is, but perhaps answers will be forthcoming eventually if she wakes Shadowheart. The other woman draws in a sharp breath as Selene kneels and shakes her gently. She rises to her feet quickly, stammering,

"You're alive. I'm alive. How is this possible?"

The question of the hour, Selene muses in mild amusement. "I was hoping you might know that."

Shadowheart's expression turns contemplative.

"I remember the ship, I remember falling... then nothing."

It's interesting, then, because Selene remembers a little more, remembers not slamming full-speed into the sand. She remembers being rescued, though not by whom. She wonders for a moment if... but no, her sire wouldn't have wasted the effort. She got herself into this mess, she'll have to get herself out.

"Do you have any idea where we are?" she asks.

"No... I don't recognize this place. But anything's an improvement on where we just came from."

It's both optimistic and true, Selene muses with a faint smile, as Shadowheart continues: "First thing's first - we need supplies, shelter, and most of all, a healer. We might have escaped, but we still have these little monsters in our heads."

A fresh thought occurs to Selene, and she pauses, again considering their surroundings. "What happened to our gith friend?"

Shadowheart looks mildly amused. "You might want to reconsider calling her a friend - looks like she ran off without us."

A snap judgment Selene might have expected from Shadowheart, given her attitude toward the gith while still aboard the Nautloid. All they can confidently say at this point is that their gith ally is not on this stretch of beach. They may yet find her, and Selene files that away for later.

"You want to stay together, I take it," Selene observes. After all, Shadowheart has already given a list of their priorities.

"We need each other," Shadowheart agrees, "and we both know what's at stake. I can't think of better company."

Selene is accustomed to traveling alone... but she's also accustomed to being able to travel alone without concern for her own well-being. At the moment, she still feels battered and weak from what they went through on the Nautloid, and considering how many other things it feels like she's missing... perhaps she needs allies now.

"Alright, let's get moving," she says, already turning her head to look for a suitable camp site - if she has to be honest, she's still feeling exhausted, and judging by the position of the sun, they don't have much daylight left either.

"One thing, just before we go," Shadowheart adds quickly.

"I wanted to thank you again, for freeing me. It would've been all too easy for you to run right past my pod, but you didn't. I'll remember that. Lead the way."

#Writer plays Baldur's Gate 3 #OC: Selene Windcaller #Shadowheart acquired!#gonna cut this one off here because otherwise it's gonna get REAL LONG #Also the next thing really IS a separate event so

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madeimpact · 2 years

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Headcanon / meta: Structure of the Underworld.

This takes what we know about the Underworld from canon and combines it with lore from Greek mythology to fully flesh out what happens in the afterlife.

The Underworld is structured fairly similarly to its mythological counterpart. Souls are ferried across the River Styx, past Twinbellows, and to the City of Souls, where excess souls await the verdict on their final resting place.

From there, they may be sent to one of four places:

Tartarus, where the wickedest souls are punished for their deeds;

The Vale of Mourning, where those who were consumed by unhappy love dwell;

The Asphodel Meadows, where the “neutral” souls live, not wicked enough for Tartarus but not remarkable enough for...

The Fields of Elysium, a paradise for exceptional souls. A soul can choose to remain here, free of toil, or choose to be reincarnated. ( Souls that choose the latter would drink from the Lethe to forget their previous lives. Ooh, segue! )

Several rivers flow in and out of the different areas of the Underworld, not just limited to flowing water, but also fire and excess souls. If there are more souls coming into the Underworld than can be ferried across the Styx at a given moment, they simply stream directly into the City of Souls without any sort of divine protection. These souls might fade away...or be consumed. Normally, there’s not much more than a stream of excess souls entering the City of Souls this way, but during the events of Uprising, the fighting and death in the Overworld causes this stream to become a torrent.

Hades himself is responsible for dealing specifically with the souls that end up in Tartarus, but in the events leading up to his appearance in Uprising, his lust for power drove him to target any and all souls entering the Underworld, preventing them from reaching their intended destinations.

Other places of note include:

The Underworld Castle, where Medusa ( and presumably also Hades and his other Commanders ) preside over the Underworld;

The Rewind Spring, located on the outskirts of the City of Souls, capable of reversing the effects of time on anyone who comes in contact with its waters. Or completely erasing their existences if they linger for too long. The Lethe flows from here.

#OKAY...I THINK THIS IS SOLID #if i think of anything i missed or left out or didn't consider i'll add it #obviously this is flexible depending on my rp partner's hcs #but there was an itch in my brain that was like ''hold on; what are souls normally supposed to do w/o hades interfering with them''#❛ worldbuilding: kid icarus.#i also tried to make this accessible for ppl who haven't played the games!!

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spookydrreid · 3 years

Text

Chapter Seven: Reassurance

Paring: Unsub!Spencer x fem!Reader

Content Warnings: unprotected sex, penetrative sex, spitting, coming on demand, daddy kink, slight degradation mixed with a little praise (let me know if i missed anything!)

Word Count: 1.4k

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...

How much I love him terrified me to my core. I needed him so bad and if my mother were here she would smack me upside the head. My mother was strong woman, literally telling my father she didn't need him for anything. She was super woman in my eyes and all I wanted, as a child, was to be just like her.

'Now remember, sweet girl, righty-tighty and lefty-loosey. Okay?" I would nod and help her fix whatever it was. And though she reminded my father of how independent she was, there was no doubt in how much they loved each other. She would've done anything for that man. Same as I would do anything for Spencer.

I guess, in a way, maybe she would be proud of how much I love him. I would like to think so, anyway. Because I loved him with my entire being. I would give him whatever he wanted at the drop of a hat. I was his and he was mine. We were inseparable. Till death do us part.

I pleaded up at him with wide, puffy eyes, begging for him to touch me and numb the hurt I felt inside. I had doubt and fear clawing my insides, ripping me open and forcing me to bleed out inside. I needed him to put pressure on my metaphorical wounds. And when his lips met mine without pause and hesitation, I felt the blood start to dry.

His hands gripped my hips, bunching up my top so he could put his skin on mine. It was like he could read my mind. It was like he knew exactly what I needed. Of course, I'd told him I wanted proof, but this was more than proof. This was love and desire. It was care and comfort I'd never fully seen from him. It was vulnerability.

I ground against him with need, small whimpers leaving my lips at the desperate friction. My hands quickly unbuttoned his shirt and pushed it off his shoulders. I needed more; I craved more. More skin, more kiss, more sex, more Spencer.

He smirks against me, flipping us with ease and care. He looks so beautiful when he's on top of me. It makes me wish I had a memory like his so I wouldn't ever forget the way he looks. His hair falls into his face just a little and I start to notice he needs to cut it again. I remind myself to bring it up later.

"Please, daddy... touch me," I beg with a whine.

He laughs, "is that not what I'm doing right now?" To be fair he is touching me, one hand resting on my waist, but I need more.

"Please daddy! I-I'll do anything you want!" Its then that his lips meet my neck and I take a shaky breath. I feel like I'm on fire, his lips gasoline on a flame.

He nips at my earlobe, his breath now right in my ear, goosebumps littering my body as he whispers, "be careful what you wish for, sweetheart." And just as quick as he was there, he's climbing off me.

"C-come back!" I can feel tears prick my eyes and I curse myself while I try to blink them away.

He starts to strip, pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it on the side, my eyes take him in. "Oh relax, sensitive girl. Can fuck you with clothes on can I?"

I'm left dumbfounded and a little embarrassed, but I cant help myself. I want to love him while I had him. He promised me he would always be here, but we both know that's a promise he'll eventually break. And I'm positive that his end with also be mine. I cant live without him and I'm willing to go with him if it comes time. But, for now, I want his cock inside me and my chest pressed against his.

I feel too overdressed by the time he's stripped, his lean body looks divine in the dim light of my apartment. I pull off my shirt, leaving me bare to his equally hungry eyes. He looks like he's going to swallow me whole, and I cant wait.

"Fucking hell, you're gorgeous," he whispers as he makes his way up to me, forcing me to lay back once out lips connect. "Look at me, pup." I do, eyes wide and filled with love and lust for the man above me. "You don't cum till I tell you, got it?"

I nod, "yes daddy."

He smirks at me, "and I want you to be quiet. You make a noise and you don't get to cum. Got it?"

My jaw drops. I wasn't really one to keep quiet while he fucked me. In fact, he made it ridiculously hard to keep silent. And I know he's going to make it even harder if I agree. But if I don't agree, then I don't get what I want.

"H-how will you know if I'm enjoying it though?" I ask in a small voice. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't absolutely intrigued by his preposition.

That makes him laugh, "I know you're body, pet. I know when you're enjoying yourself. I don't need verbal confirmation."

"Th-then I got it... n-no noise."

"Good. No noise starting right now. Only allowed to call safe words. Do you understand me?" I nod, not breaking eye contact. "Good little whore."

Spencer's lips find mine in a soft, sweet kiss and I have to swallow my urge to whine into it. Same when his hand finds its way between my legs and between my slit. "You're so fucking wet for me, sweetheart! Don't even need my mouth on you!"

At this point, I'm so desperate to feel him fill me, that I don't even care if he eats me out or not. 'Another day' I think to myself. But my thoughts don't stick around long as he settles between my legs, the head of his cock pushing against my hole. I grip his bicep as he pushes in, biting my lip so I don't moan or whimper. I'm determined to get my orgasm.

"Fucking hell, pretty girl!" He groans, "y-you always just feel so fucking good, baby. S'like you were made for me." He sets a hard, deep pace and I find just how hard it is to keep quiet.

'I was made for you' I whimper in my mind. I swear we are twin flames. Two halves of a whole who vowed to find one another in every single life time. Maybe next time we'll meet under different circumstances.

"Fuck! I like when you're whore mouth is shut! Cant bitch about how hard I'm fucking you." I feel my eyes roll in the back of my skull as he fucks me harder, his cock bumping the deepest parts of me with each thrusts. I can feel the knot in my stomach already getting tighter with each thrust. My pussy squeezes him as I fight the orgasm that's quickly approaching.

"Aw is the little whore going to cum already? Must've really been needy. Typical of you isn't it?" He squeezes my cheeks, forcing my mouth open. I open my eyes just in time to watch his spit fall onto my tongue and, again, I'm forced to fight my moan as I swallow it.

"Do you wanna cum, sweet pet?" I nod. I know he's trying to trick me, but it wont work. Not this time. "Do you want daddy to cum inside this pussy? Huh?" I nod furiously.

"Sorry, I cant hear you?" But I don't give in, I want to cum so bad and I know I'll explode if I don't get it. So I nod faster.

He reaches his hand between us and finds my clit with ease. I'm forced to bight my lip to keep silent once more. "Ready, my pet? Fuck! Cum! Right now!" And I do, my body unable to hold back, forcing me to moan loudly.

"D-daddy!!" I cry, my arms clawing at him to get him closer. And it's not long before he follows after me.

"F-fucking hell, didn't know you could cum on command?" He mutters as he brings us both down from the highs. I'm out of breath and can barely answer.

"M-me either..."

He pauses for a second, "let's make you do it again. And this time? I want you to be extra loud for me."

"Y-yes daddy."

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