#if its bad ill just make fun of it. LOL
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new mh book put the fandom in shambles
#elisey speaks#ill probably read it out of curiousity#if its bad ill just make fun of it. LOL#mh having poorly written books isnt new the difference is that this ones pandering to older g1 fans by trying to make it really edgy#but not really understanding what g1 fans#want...?#byt also i dont really care about protecting the sanctity of monster high
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awusume ssaw comic numbr THREEEE!!!!!
ngl making a shitty ms paint comic after work each day ois a great calming activity when i have a shitty miserable customer service job. like yessss... done with shitty job... time to draw the beast
N E WAYS
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#awesome #awesome #awesome <- 3 awesoms bcs its the third one
#total drama#td scott#a part of me feels bad for putting these in the main td tags but another part of me is having so much fun#n if u dont like my shitty comics u can just block me anyways LOL#also our partner insists we put them in the main tags so its basically nawt even my fault guys..#lol anyways ill make another update later. mal reveal soon... get hyped guyes....
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hey gamers sorry im always dead BUT in a fit of inspiration im working on making a game (????) hopefully ill finish it but whatever if i cant
and naturally kuyas there too but i havent drawn his clothes yet (and really dont want to)
here are the sketches. a little sad i cant use them bc im limited by pixels but you all can have it
#my art#nu carnival#sorry for putting this in the tags once again#its just for organizational purposes so feel free to ignore it#the premise of the game is really short#just like this fucked up thing ive had in my files for a while#<- guy who is exceptionally down bad for kuya#BUT. excitingly i found out how to do pronouns in rpgmaker!!!!! so thats fun#thatll let me do a lot for the game#if i ever finish it#i happened to get hit with Inspiration at the worst fucking time possible#kuya nu carnival#eiden nu carnival#its really not very interesting#its more of like. a multiple choice fanfic lol#i just need to get it out of my head or ill die#i NEED to make this.#i already have the thing written so its just visuals from here
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a friend who'd wait :)
#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops.#and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can!#and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol#finn's ocs#finn's art#i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me#and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun#i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here:#barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past#he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it#he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned#which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them#they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore#but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird#and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place#though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library#and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together#since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door#eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement#barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time.#barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate#but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd#he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself#but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done.#and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies.#and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them)#and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances''#from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov#sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3#but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh
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MAN your art, but especially the latest pieces of Walking Fire Friend and Sparkle Dog really have the vibes of like, sanrio?? I want stickers and half a dozen accessories with them plastered all over so bad
!!! thank u for the kind words!! im playing around with the halftone effect, i like how it makes it look like a newspaper comic ^_^
#i also wanna design stickers so sososo bad.. id love to make some skip to loafer stickers with the main four <3#i dont reallyknow much abt the process itself though.. and i dont have a paypal or any way to send or receive money in the first place orz#im sure ill do it once i figure it out but i appreciate the sentiment!!!#its been my dream to make my own custom motivational stickers with little dogs.. like the ones i used to get in grade school lol#im not sure if ill keep going in this direction with my art bc its all experimental but its been really fun playing around with it#its bothered me for the longest time that im just ass at rendering or putting detail in my art. but at the end of the day i just dont#care enough to go thru with it and i prefer to keep things simple anyway so that reflects my own tastes ig...#this is probably the closest ill get to a soft render that i like to see so if i could do more for that ill definitely try...!!!!#yapping#ask#answered#doodles#sona#puppysona
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had an odd dream that i was reading a comic book. sketched a couple of the pages i could remember.
#i might adapt this into an actual story because i am SO SO SO mad that it isn't a thing i can go back to reading#oc#im definitely keeping the concept of save-bot i fucking love save-bot he's just doing his best. i love a robot who wants to help people#im not equipped to be writing about underground rebellions with any sense of real tact though#besides its in a superhero universe/story so you know it would just be so sucks lol#sketch#god the colors were so interesting. the teal parts were all very precisely crosshatched and the fire was this gorgeous brush pen looking#colored inks that just seemed like they were MOVING#and i mean some of that was because i was dreaming but god even in my halfhearted copy you can see some of the movement#it was a bad scene but a really really REALLY fun dream. i love when a book can *get* to me so i was really enjoying it#put it aside so i could take a break and woke up. instant fury at the universe for not having it be a real book instead#ill reblog with details if anyone's curious. i can explain this scene but i dont feel like it#the green people are in a secret basement though. hiding from the government. blue jacket guy is a speedster robot named save-bot who does#rescue stuff with every fire department so fire suppression technology is not very good because save-bot "can just save you''#however they're badly over their legal occupancy and the secret basement has One (1) exit so everyone is like really fucked here.#includinig save-bot who is going to do his job until he dies because he is an ai without any sense of self preservation and he cares#which i didn't even CATCH until i woke up and started tryin to frantically note everything down#and then i was like wait. the glitter on that last page before i realized i needed a glass of water to keep reading... what WAS that...#(it was tears suspended in midair because save-bot goes so fast and also knows he's so fucked LOL)#seriously i'm so mad someone else didn't make this.
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r u the grew up poor never being able to buy the little things in life u always wanted as a kid so now u buy whatever little thing u want as an adult and struggle with saving for the big mandatory thing,
or the grew up poor never being able to buy the little things in life u always wanted as a kid so now u just never buy anything small bcs u had to learn to live without it and constantly try to save for the next big thing in 500 yrs
#everyones been asking what i wanted for my bday and i always say nothing#like i hate the feeling of getting somebody smthing just to get them smthing like personally#it needs to come from the heart for me. if it's for smthing big like a bday#now like getting someone a coffee judt to get them one on a random day is dif bcs it's just smthin random on a random day i can understand#but idk like as a kid into adulthood the only bday my relatives / guardians have ever celebrated was my adopted brother's n my dad's#the dad bcs hes a hyperconservative dictator lol n the older adopted bro is cus hes got higher needs#so everybody gets more money taking care of him n stuff so u gotta act like u care abt him according to the guardians#but like i never even knew bdays were that big to people. like i mean i know OTHER PEOPLES bdays are big to them#i find ppl who rlly love their bdays to be rlly cute. like i dont think theyre selfish or make fun of em cus theyre judt having fun#n like u only get one x yr bday so have fun with it!!#but for ME? my bday was never anything special n i dont think it is now#everybody feels bad or smthing for me or for not getting me nothing today but it's like?? this is the norm??? im cool with it#ive been thinking abt other stuff like i just dont have time to think abt the pleasures rn. i have to double on the pain or smthing#like my friends always laugh abt how i dont drink coffee/tea or alcohol bcs u cant be in the medical field without a lil smn smn#& it's like idk ! i like ppl that do do that kinda stuff but like! i never grew up with that & it just feels odd to do it now kinda thing#idk im very cheap but also i will use the fact that im cheap on the small stuff to justify wanting to make a big purchase#i have a weird relationship with buying things for myself vs for others like 4 others i will buy watever u want bro#sugar papi ted#hey heres this idk insert raccoon bracelet bcs u like raccoons n love wearing bracelets so i thot of u n bought it#but if i buy smthing for me it has to have a dual purpose or smthing#i got to have a free dessert today n chose the churros over the tres leches cake slicr cus u can judt make the cake#but i dont own a deep fryer so i cant make churros n storebought churros just arent the same#like im just always idk comparing or needing to know the use of things yanno#if i do smthing. i have to see it thru. & it has to have multi purpose#i mean just look at my username jrue ships or jrue's hips like#im unwell when it comes to that#idk is anyone else like this#anyways yea this whole new thing of getting stuff on one day is hard for me like it just never matches up with my time#of course ill see stuff id like to have but like. ill just make myself forget it n by the time stuff like this rolls up it's like idk#i COULD get a new laptop but i got one that works just fine. i got an ipad on its last legs but can i still turn it on? alright
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were you on a hiatus?
there were people here who used to make gordon-barney work i liked, and then they stopped because they either saw or were subjected to toxic fandom behavior from people who also like those two guys. it really soured things for me. still kinda does, tbh. but what can you do
#sorry about awkwardly specifically avoiding the ship name i dont want my negative post to show up in the search for it lol#im pretty sure i havent even drawn something for this ship in two years. but i do check up on my notifications every once in a while#unfortunately i still think these two video game guys are hot and its fun + easy to make stuff up about them.#its been long enough that maybe if i try rly hard i can pretend all those types o people moved on to gacha games or fnaf by now or somethin#the problem with just blocking ppl is that you have to see them make bad takes first and seeking that stuff out makes you ill in the brain
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idk if i want to do art fight anymore. i feel a little bad for saying that lol
#author makes a speech#its not for anything bad its just i realized ill get super overwhelmed and it would suck the fun out of it lol
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good news for all my haters: im not coming back. not properly. i think social media and being around ppl in general is destroying me so im gonna just focus my energy on other stuff
ill probably still be a little bit active occassionally but for now i think il just stick to posting art etc. im moving to sheezy.art (which is down for maintenance rn but opens for registration again on fridays!) bc the energy there is much nicer for me.. but ill still post on here and insta. im also gonna be working on building my own website again!! so bookmark it and maybe some day itll have cool stuff on it.... :]
#idk ill see how this goes but ive been like lurking here for a couple days and every time without fail it makes me feel shitty#may not be a permanent thing but i have a couple safeguards in place now to stop me from getting sooooo bad. i think#i deleted all the apps off my phone. which has helped a lot esp deleting insta for reels#and i actually made another blog for like if i ever go Cazy again. for like vents and stuff . altho if im not on social media at all it#shldnt be a prblem#i wont share that but u can ask for it if u want. tho unlikely ill post for a while idk#for the record my neocities has like nothing on it rn. its essentially a series of tests from when i started last yr#and got nowhere lollll.. but im hoping to have a lot of fun with it soon#lol this whole thing is a little stupid. and i feel bad but just know its all my own fault. my own issues etc#its happened b4 itll happen time and time again i think. so im just gonna part ways w it#from now on if im gonna overshare it has to be in a lengthy edited well written blog post !!!!!!!!!!!#oke. bye#i do actually have smth to post later on my rnm blog but whatevaaa#oh ill start up my queues again too
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Phone appointment in like 20 minutes wish me luck i will need it
#was supposed to be yesterday. had a panic attack. bad. but they had to reschedule anyway.#i feel erm. not as bad. right now. power of xanax. hope its enough.#i think im stressed cuz im bad at communicating especially when anxious and communication is a little difficult with this dr to begin with#and yeah ill be honest my mom just straight up making fun of my speech issues yesterday morning probably caused it all LOL BUT ITS FINE.#the kat goes meow
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one of the (admittedly many) reasons i love love love LOVE my uf and ht self inserts i think is because all the shit i hate about myself is amplified with them and i LOVE them for it. theyre weird gross perverted overbearing annoying creeps who nobody really feels comfortable around. and its the BEST!!!!!!!!! like yeah they suck shit. they dont know anything and theyre genuinely disturbing and disgusting people. arent they just the BEST
#cherry chats#i happen to love girls who are the worst ever. is the thing#when my ht/uf inserts make everyone around them uncomfortable and gross people out and when nobody likes them i think its so awesome and fun#they both suck so bad. theyre awesome#they dont KNOW shit they cant DO shit theyre weird nasty FREAKS#theyre overbearing and clingy and creepy and selfish and completely fucked in the head. and theyre everythinf 2 me#^____^#i love my fucked up little self inserts. they are so not okay over there#had a visual image of my uf self insert lighting they and sans’ bed on fire cause he annoyed them. lmfao#blame kiss with a fist That song is everything in the world to me Ok#btw speaking of which i should really give my most common self inserts nicknames#because going ‘my uf and ht self inserts’ every time is a pain#like. my trollsona although i dont talk about them much is a favorite too and their name is zairku Cuz troll names etc#and in my head i nicknames my horrortale guy 207 for. some fuckin reason#ermm. whadda hell do i call that underfell freak then.#……………… cherry???? bc thats qhat i used to go by way way WAY back in the day???#and it. SORTA fits the general uf aesthetic…..???#well. just like how 207 was a placeholder that just became their nickname i guess cherry would be the same#if i called them that as a temporary placeholder while i think of something else itd just end up being their name anyway. lol#okie dokie hehehee thats good then ^__^ i think ill add that 2 my pages when i get out of bed#which is. very soon bcuz i wanna smoke. so im goin outside. its -4° out
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Fuuuck I wish I did more than draw and play games I am so fucking. Yeah I need that sleep.
#ramblings#i was gonna make sides for dinner but idfk anymore man i am not having a fun afternoon LOL#talking with my brother helped but im tired so i know everything i try to do on my own is gonna piss me off so im not even gonna bother#tried playing fnf for like 3 mins and had to quit out its Bad#ill be fine of course ^_^ just irritated at how things are in the head tonight#might write i think thats abt all ill be able to do#might end up making pico extra moody but whatever its not like this was a fluff fic#(its not angst either i feel i should clarify that he is not getting put through the wringer tonight)
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my butch "it can't be that hard" gene is kicking in again (impulsively decided i'm making myself some armour for the ren faire)
#just a shoulderpad but! i think i can pull this off. probably#foam is cheap and i have an extremely basic understanding of patterns. i think i can manage this#i have lots of shit i can glue to it to look like hardware too. and lots of paint#and if i cant figure out making decent arm straps w the foam alone ill buy a belt for cheap and glue the pad to that#worst case scenario i wasted 4 bucks on foam. best case i look really cool for a day :)#this is what happens when i dont get enrichment in my enclosure. i start just Making Shit#its fun anyway. my brain has been p bad lately so it at least feels nice to have smth to do w my hands#levi.txt#i really hope i. actually get to go lol. otherwise i WILL have actually just wasted money and gotten my hopes up for nothing again#its like. one of only two things i had my heart set on doing this summer. the other being smth for pride#i guess if not ill find a way to repurpose it for halloween?
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...
#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol#except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade#plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me#god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set#looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u#the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno?#it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control#executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont#wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral#sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive#lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not#forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho#my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly#need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im#dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter#what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by#my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything#interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to#fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i#described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that#idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean#ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said#she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the#parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the#disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage#but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain#just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked#unrelated
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the best thing about teaching toddlers is that the kids take a two hour nap in the middle of the day right after lunch and i get to spend most of that time doing nothing on my phone <3
#i spent part of it on my lunch hour today bc they went down while i was gone#and then i didnt have to do lunch time cleanup either#i just came back from my lunch hour a few minutes ago and they're literally going to be alseep for another hour and a half or two hours#and i just get sit sit here :)#usually there's some kinds of tasks to do during naptime but not today for me#but even when there's tasks its still basically an hour extra break after that#which is needed when working with kids tbh#anyway#i love getting paid to sit on the floor in the dark and scroll on my phone lol#so glad im done being horribly ill#if only this job paid better it would be the perfect job tbh#def going to start my own home daycare someday#its tiring but basically my job is to be fun and silly and make sure the kids are safe lol#also change diapers and wipe their noses all day long but its not that bad except for getting sick#i do change diapers when they start waking up from nap so i dont get the whole two hours off but still#its a very nice extra break
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