#if memory serves me this isn't the first time this has happened- if someone can find a screenshot I would be ELATED

[feral-bird-enjoyer]

[ckret2]

Chapter 51 of human Bill Cipher is once more the Mystery Shack's prisoner: Dipper and Mabel try to figure out what the Axolotl's poem means; Dipper gets the hang of astral projection; and... whatever's going on up there happens.

####

Ford and Dipper came back into the shack through the gift shop; Ford didn't want to risk crossing paths with Bill. While Dipper went into the house, Ford went down—returning to the safety of his subterranean study.

Once Ford had put on the old black trench coat he'd worn during his multiversal travels and gotten comfortable at his desk, he pulled out Journal 5 to document the events of the last few days. In a cheap ballpoint pen, he wrote, I've lost my #1 Grunkle pen (and favorite coat) to the waters of Lake Gravity Falls. And then, deciding this didn't adequately express his feelings, he drew a small frown. That coat had served him well for decades, and he'd really liked that pen. It did write excellently, and it had reminded him of his gniece and gnephew.

He spent three pages documenting the eclipse—what happened, what readings he'd taken, what he and Dipper observed—and then another four pages talking about Bill. What he'd told them, why Ford had dismissed it; his claims about a trans-dimensional axolotl distorting gravity with its migration; the statue, the rescue, the breakdown.

The act of writing always helped Ford clarify his thoughts and untangle mysteries; it wasn't until he was writing that he realized the limbs Bill had said he couldn't feel were the ones that had broken off the statue.

He listed the rules of the chess variants he could remember Bill inventing. He drew Bill huddled in front of the board, grim, tear-streaked, exhausted; and then scratched out his face, embarrassed at the thought of immortalizing such a raw moment for his private viewing.

He wrote, There's still a slim possibility that the entire "eclipse," start to finish, was Bill's masterfully-orchestrated scheme to make us pity and trust him; but it's unlikely. Although Bill is fiendish enough, he isn't currently powerful enough, and his lies certainly aren't elaborate enough. If he could pull off such a byzantine ruse, then he could just as easily escape—and if he can escape, why hasn't he? Bill may be insane, but he's never been THAT irrational.

And so, even as twisted as Bill's idea of "friendship" is... for the very first time, I'm convinced that he was telling the truth all along when he said he wants me as his friend. It's not an act. He risked his life to save someone who's an active threat to him.

And at the end of it all—though I'm grateful to be alive in spite of my own stubbornness—do I like him any better for it?

Ford leaned back and shut his eyes, sifting through the inner tumult of anger and old hurt that defined most of his memories of Bill, looking to see if anything had changed.

There was a sore, tender spot in his emotions, a place beginning to rot with remorse; when he prodded at those emotions, he found that it was shame over his own harsh conduct of the last couple of days. But he was only ashamed of how cruelly he'd acted; he wasn't ashamed that Bill was the one he'd done it to.

Outside of that tender spot—regret over his own behavior—nothing else had changed.

No. I still hate him. I'm grateful to be alive, but I hate him. He hasn't undone anything he did to my family and me, and he never will. Forgiveness can't be purchased with favors.

I'm only relieved at the certainty of it. Bill has committed an act that can't possibly be a lie. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he's shown me the truth; and the truth is he'd rather see me alive than dead. Whatever other lies he may tell, I can hold on to that fact.

Bill's miserable eyes peered out at Ford between the scribbles he'd drawn across his face. It was truly a pity that Ford had to hate him. Pity that Bill hadn't been somebody better. He could have been better.

Ford couldn't find it in himself to be embarrassed that he'd filled four pages talking about the monster he'd already wasted so many more on. Bill had been right about him: You might hate me to my face, but behind my back you're as obsessed with me as ever. The only thing Bill didn't understand was that hatred and obsession weren't mutually incompatible.

####

"Hey, Dipper," Mabel said, unfolding the living room sofa bed. 

"Hey, Mabel," Dipper said, passing through living room on his way to the stairs. He climbed up to the attic.

He came back down from the attic. "Mabel. Why's Bill asleep in your bed."

"He really needed a nap," Mabel said.

"Okay but why on your bed?"

Mabel pouted. "Dipper, do you realize he's never slept on a real bed? Ever?"

Dipper tried to imagine sleeping on a couple couch cushions on the floor every night. "Yeah, okay, that does kinda suck." Even if it was Bill's own fault he wouldn't sleep in the living room.

By unspoken mutual agreement, having a Bill in the bedroom followed the same law as finding a centipede in the bathroom. The law was "that's the centipede's bathroom now." So once the folding bed was set up, they sat on it to serve as their hang-out spot for the evening and caught each other up on what they'd done the last couple of days.

After Dipper & Co. had left, Grenda had come over to take advantage of the low gravity to retrieve the kite that had been stuck in a tree near the Mystery Shack since last summer (it was, tragically, too tattered to salvage), and then they'd gone over to Candy's house to photograph each other performing feats of impossible strength. (Mabel would be sending some pictures to their parents to confuse them, and adding the rest to her summer scrapbook.) She'd spent the next day breaking the trampoline world record until Soos came outside and said gravity was probably too low for it to be safe to be up in the air anymore, if Bill's warnings about being off the ground when gravity hit zero were true; at which point Mabel had hung around inside air-swimming until she suddenly slammed against the ceiling, and then the ground. She was fine. She just had a couple of bruises. She showed Dipper her bruises.

In return, Dipper told Mabel about how their quest had gone: the checks for micro-rips, Bill's increasingly frantic warnings, the lake—

("You got to see a bajillion magical axolotls and I didn't?!")

—the cliff, the Axolotl, Dipper's near-death experience, and what he now knew about his out-of-body dreams.

"Seriously?" Mabel hissed, eyes bugging out. "And he had us looking up lucid dreaming books! What a jerk!"

"I know! He could have just ignored the whole thing, we didn't even think it was anything but dreams."

"And I'd thought he was being so helpful, too! Like he was really trying to make up for giving you 'nightmares'!" Mabel laughed in disbelief and flopped down on the flimsy mattress. "All that because he just didn't want us to know how it was really his fault? Biiill, ugh."

His fault. Dipper hesitated, wondering whether he should tell Mabel what Bill had said about Mabel's Fault; then decided against it. Bill had probably been telling the truth when he'd said he only wanted all the credit for Weirdmageddon.

But—Dipper did tell her about Bill saving their lives. He would have felt like a liar if he hadn't—like he was trying to trick his sister into thinking Bill was worse than he already was. He hoped Ford wouldn't mind; but how could he not tell Mabel?

"He could have just let you die and didn't?" Mabel turned that over in her head, processing this sudden shift in Bill's behavior. "Wow. I'm impressed."

He also told her about their previous encounter with the Axolotl. Considering the other lies Bill had told recently, anything he said about them meeting the Axolotl was dubious at best; but Dipper could remember the Axolotl, so maybe some of it was true, even if Bill had twisted as much as he could. ("The Axolotl said hi, by the way." "Aww. Tell him hi back!" "Yeah, I... don't know how to do that.")

Dipper laid out his journal between them on the folding bed, and Mabel read over the couplet a few times. "'Sixty degrees that come in threes, watches from within birch trees'..."

"It's got to be talking about Bill," Dipper said. "Equilateral triangles have three sixty-degree angles. I just don't know why the Axolotl wanted to talk to us about him."

Mabel frowned at the lines. "I think... I remember meeting him too," she said.

"You do?"

"Kinda. Like in a dream," she said. "We were in some kind of futury space race car. And he had a really comfortable beanbag chair."

"Yes! I remembered the beanbag chair, too!" And he hadn't mentioned it in his journal. "This is great! Talking about it must... must cause us to remember, somehow. Maybe since the universe where we met the Axolotl doesn't exist anymore, our memories of it are... detached or something? Psychically floating around between dimensions until we try to remember them?" He took in Mabel's skeptical frown and shrugged. "I don't know!"

She scrunched up her face. "Ugh. Last summer's first-grader time travel was complicated enough. This is like college-level time travel. Maybe we can ask Bill how it works?"

She said it so easily, like she thought it was actually a good idea. Right after she'd heard about the lucid dreaming thing, too. "I don't think he'd help." Dipper lowered his voice. "He really didn't want Grunkle Ford and me to find out about the Axolotl—and he kept telling me not to think about what the Axolotl told me. He's trying to cover something up."

"Oo-oo-ooh." Voice dropped to a whisper, Mabel said, "Do you think it's some kind of Space Axolotl conspiracy?"

"It could be," Dipper said. "All I know is he was trying to tell us something important about Bill. Some kind of prophecy, or... maybe a warning...?"

He trailed off. Mabel had stopped listening to Dipper. She was rereading the couplet Dipper had written, moving her lips like she was murmuring under her breath—but whatever she was saying, it was much longer than the couplet Dipper had written down. Distractedly, she said, "Do you have a pen?"

"Yeah, here." Dipper quickly handed over the pen he kept in his vest.

Mabel clicked it, went to the bottom of the page, and wrote: A different form, a different time.

Dipper sucked in a sharp breath as the words snapped into place in his mind. "That's it! That was the last line! What else do you remember?"

"That's it," Mabel said. "It was free form poetry with a bunch of rhyme pairs."

"I don't think free form poetry rhymes."

"Pbbbt." Mabel blew a raspberry and shoved Dipper's face. "Whatever! You know what I mean." She pointed at the last line. "Do you think the poem's about why Bill's here? He time traveled to the Mystery Shack in a new body..."

"Exactly! Bill must be back here for a reason. He's got all those powers—or, used to, anyway—and he knows more about the multiverse than anybody on Earth... Maybe there's some kind of big threat coming, and Bill's the only one who can stop it, and—and the Axolotl wanted us to know...?"

"I like the sound of that," Mabel said. "That'd basically make him a hero, right?"

Dipper grimaced. "I mean. I guess? But we're talking about Bill. If he does help us stop a threat, it'd be like if a serial killer picked up a hitchhiker and killed him, and then it turned out the hitchhiker was an even worse serial killer."

"That still sounds kinda heroic to me."

"Pfff, okay." He looked at his journal. "But... what is he here to do?"

Mabel considered what they'd already written. "Maybe we can use him to spy on our enemies through birch trees!"

"Thaaat's probably not it."

"No, I think I'm on to something. I can feel it."

There was a lot of empty space between his couplet and Mabel's line. "There's more we're missing, though. Maybe the rest of the poem describes the threat? Or what we need to get Bill to do?"

"I can't remember anything else, though."

"Me neither."

They stared at the page together, waiting for something to come to their blank minds. Mabel looked at the fish tank. "Hey, Primrose! Do you know anything?"

The pet axolotl in the tank ignored her serenely.

Dipper said, "'Primrose'?"

"Yeah, last summer Grunkle Stan said her name is Freakface, but I thought she deserved a cuter name. She's primrose color!"

"Ford says he originally named him Nikola."

Mabel gasped. "Nikki..."

Dipper twisted around to look at the axolotl. "Do you know anything? Do you... get messages from the Axolotl's heralds, or anything...?"

Nikola slowly opened his mouth, and slowly closed it.

Mabel said, "Hey. The Axolotl's one of those dimension-crossy time-travely guys, right? He probably wouldn't have given us a prophecy in the wrong timeline and then made us forget it unless he knew we'd remember it in time in the rightdimension!"

"I guess," Dipper said uncertainly.

"So we don't need to worry about it! We'll remember it when we need to."

"Unless this timeline's going to branch, and the only one where we survive is the one where we put all our effort into trying to remembering—"

"Shhh!" Mabel put a finger over Dipper's mouth. "Uh-uh. No college time travel. We'll be fine!"

Dipper pushed her over. "Okay, but we should at least try a little to remember what the Axolotl told us."

"What if we work on it separately?" Mabel propped herself up on an elbow. "Instead of just sitting around thinking about it. And whenever we remember a line, we can tell each other and see if it makes anything click."

"That might be faster," Dipper said, stroking his chin. "We're already remembering different lines."

"Yeah! And that lucid dreaming book said something about focusing on a problem before you sleep so you can figure it out in your dreams! We can just work on it in our sleep and we'll remember it all in no time!"

Dipper laughed. "What? No way, I think lucid dreaming is just one of those made up pop psychology things. I didn't get it to work at all." Either it didn't work or Bill had deliberately recommended a terrible book.

"I did! I can remember like... eighty percent more dreams. And I can tell when I'm dreaming a lot more often!"

"Huh." Or, maybe Dipper just wasn't doing it right. "Maybe I need to start over from step one. Do you know where the book we were using went?"

"Over here!" Mabel had set a couple library books on the end table next to the sofa bed; she pulled out the second one, which had a glittery pink bookmark with a cat on it stuck two-thirds of the way through. "Just don't lose my bookmark."

"Thanks." He'd reread the first step before bed. "We should probably be getting ready for bed anyway, huh?"

"Seriously?! It's barely bedtime!" And when the adults weren't watching, official bedtime was an hour and a half before Actual Bedtime.

"I'm exhausted. I just hiked up and down a mountain and faced down death."

Mabel pointed at Nikola. "You faced down a big salamander."

"Close enough."

They went upstairs, brushed their teeth, went to their bedroom...

And stopped in the door. Bill was still asleep. "Oh. Right," Dipper said.

He was curled into a ball on his left side, facing the wall, covered with only the zodiac blanket and his borrowed/stolen top hat sitting on the side of his head. He didn't use a pillow; he'd pushed Mabel's pillows and dolls behind himself to form a squishy makeshift fortress.

"Please don't wake him up," Mabel whispered. (She'd already set up the folding bed for herself; she'd clearly planned on this.) "He's had a really really hard time the last couple of days, and I think he needs as much sleep in a real bed as he can get, and it's just for one night, and I'm sure he'd rather sleep than do anything evil—"

"He said something, didn't he?"

Mabel paused. "Yeah. I think seeing his body really messed him up."

Dipper sighed. "We were trying to keep him away from it." He didn't want Mabel to think they'd forced him to stare his own death in the face. "But he did that... eye thing and looked through the trees, and..."

Mabel nodded.

Well. Dipper couldn't kick him out now. For Mabel's sake.

As children, occasionally when they got hotel rooms with a bed too few, their parents would stick them in one bed with a barrier of pillows in between them. At age thirteen and without two crabby parents trying to get them to just go to bed after a long plane flight, they unanimously vetoed that plan. Dipper decided against asking Stan if he could sleep in Ford's unoccupied bed, both because he suspected Stan would just go upstairs and drag Bill out of the room and because he didn't want Stan to think he was scared of Bill. He wasn't scared of Bill. Not anymore. He could handle one measly night in the same room as him. Anyway, somebody had to make sure he wasn't unsupervised in their bedroom all night, right?

Dipper and Mabel quietly set a floor mirror and old lamp next to Mabel's bed, draped a sheet between them, taped on a pink poster that said "WARNING! TRIANGLE ZONE!" and was covered in stickers of triangular objects, and decided Dipper was adequately shielded. If Bill did get up during the night, he'd probably trip through the sheet and wake half the house before he got anywhere near Dipper.

Dipper went to sleep with a baseball bat in his hands.

####

"Okay," Bill said, hands on his sides, "what am I looking at here?"

The feral band members of Sev'ral Timez turned toward Bill, eyes reflecting in the dim light. They were squatting around Bill's petrified corpse like a pack of apes examining a sleek black monolith.

"Hey girl," Creggy G. said.

"Hey," Bill said. He looked down at himself. His onyx black feet hovered over the ground and the yellow glow from his exoskeleton illuminated the clearing. "Lemme cut to the chase, is this gonna turn into a raunchy dream? My corporeal love life is about as cold and dry as Antarctica, I keep hoping one of my dreams will get a little hotter and wetter—"

"Nah, G," Deep Chris said. "Mr. Bratsman got us fixed."

"Aw."

"We're here to pay you reverence for freeing our minds from the chains of the conventional," Greggy C said, gesturing to Bill's corpse. Leggy P was kneeling and bowing to it and Chubby Z was posing for it. "We want to help free you like you tried to help free humanity."

Bill's eye narrowed. He tapped a finger against the edge of one brick as he considered this offer. Finally, skeptically, he said, "Fine. I'll bite. Why should I think you can help me?"

"Because we can give you the understanding your heart's been missing, girl. You're just like us," Chubby Z said. "A horror never meant to exist, born of a dream to construct the perfect golden idol, forced to dwell within an unnaturally-fabricated human shell."

Bill tilted his head thoughtfully. "I'm with you so far."

"We want you to join us," Deep Chris said. "Cavort with us in the silvan night, G. Shun the harsh light of the spotlight for the healing salve of moonbeams. We'll get drunk on the sweet fermented summer berries, uncaring of how the brambles prick our flesh. We'll dance in a frenzy of ecstasy and only sleep when the morning sun lifts the dew from the flowers and the sweat from our skin. It'll be straight Dionysian, boo."

"We can kiss the hot trees," Creggy G said.

Bill grabbed his shoulder. "Oh, you're the human that keeps making out with birch trees! I knew your face was familiar!" He paused. "So... are there any eligible ones around here?"

"Sure, girl, just downstream."

"If I'd known, I would've polished myself first."

"Say you'll join us, Bill girl," Deep Chris said. The band crowded around Bill to either side, posing around him—the backup dancers for the star singer. "You'd be one of us."

"We're already exactly the same," Creggy G said, holding up a mirror so that it reflected his and Bill's faces beside each other. In Bill's human face were two empty white eyes with pinprick pupils and pale blue irises, exactly the same as the eyes of the Sev'ral Timez boys.

He sat up with a gasp, hands flying to his face. There were still green boughs at the edges of his dreaming vision, blending into the wooden boards of the Mystery Shack's attic. Before sleep had fully fled his mind, he seized up the zodiac blanket draped over his body and stared into his embroidered eye.

The eye stared back at him. Through it, he could see his horrified sleepy face, and his normal slitted yellow eyes. His connection to the blanket's eye disappeared as he finished waking up.

He heaved a sigh of relief and flopped back down. He'd been lucid, but he hadn't been in control of that dream. He still needed practice.

He rolled toward the light of the window, groped around beneath it until he found his journal, grabbed up his crayons, and flipped pages blearily until he found the first blank one. He started writing down his dream, pausing only briefly as he tried to figure out how to translate "Sev'ral Timez" before settling on a sufficiently goofy way to misspell "several times" in Plaintext.

He made it halfway down the page before he stopped. Hold on. This wasn't his beautiful journal. These were not his beautiful crayons. He checked the cover and grimaced in displeasure when he saw a pine tree rather than a hand. Dipper's journal. Bill ripped out the page, ate it, and set the journal and Mabel's crayons back on the table  under the bedroom window.

"What was that," Dipper asked, "some kind of Morse code?"

Bill yelped and twisted around. Dipper's soul was hovering above Mabel's headboard, watching over Bill's shoulder.

"Hey! Back, foul ghost!" Bill snatched up Mabel's pillow and swung it at Dipper.

"Ow—Hey! How did you hit me, I'm in the mindscape—"

"I said back!" Bill swung again, chasing Dipper off the bed. "Back into your fleshy tomb!" He climbed off the bed, stumbled into Dipper and Mabel's trap, tripped through the sheet and probably woke up half the house.

He yanked the sheet off and flung the pillow at Dipper by its corner. "Now get back in your body, go to sleep, and leave me alone."

"I don't know how to get back in it. I just wait until it happens by itself," Dipper said, floating irritably over his sleeping body, arms crossed. "Why do you think I just wander around every time I have this dream?" He paused. "Right—it's not a dream, is it."

Bill sighed heavily. "Try putting your body on like..." He almost said like an exoskeleton, remembered his audience, and amended himself: "Like it's clothing. I usually start with the hands. Just like putting on gloves!"

Dipper looked at the cold fingers wrapped tightly around the baseball bat. "How do I put hands on like gloves? There's no opening or—"

"Just try it, would you?" Bill sat tiredly on the edge of Mabel's bed.

Dipper shot him an irritated look, but pressed his ghostly hands against his fleshly ones, passing through the skin until one set of fingers rested inside the other. A fingertip twitched. 

Bill gestured with one hand, continue. "Now the sleeves."

"I know how to get dressed." Dipper laid down in his body, forearm into forearm, shoulder into shoulder—until he was wholly back inside. He sat up, awake. "Huh."

"There, see?" Bill said. "And if you want to take it back off, just do the same thing in reverse. Like degloving your body from your soul!"

"Did you have to phrase it like that?" Still, Dipper tried it, peeling out of his body from the fingertips up. He left his body sitting upright as he hovered over it.

Bill chuckled tiredly. "Lookit your face, staring at nothing. Stupid looking."

"Shut up." He slid back into his body, more quickly now that he knew what he was doing.

"Great," Bill said. "Now that you know how to get back in your body, never do that again." He flopped back onto Mabel's bed and rolled over to face the wall. "It's a pain in my base having you wander around all night."

"Then you should've thought of that before you ripped my soul out of my body," Dipper grumbled. "Can you reattach me to my body?"

"Sure, easy." He lifted a hand to point down at his regrettably human form. "Not like this, though. Wanna help reattach me to my body?"

"Never in a million years."

"Then come back in a million years. There's nothing I can do for you until then." Bill dragged Mabel's zodiac blanket back over himself. "So sorry. Go to sleep. Leave me alone."

Dipper bet Bill could do it and was only saying he couldn't to try to trick Dipper into helping him. But he lay back down—clutching his bat again—and shut his eyes.

After a moment, Bill asked, "Where's Mabel? Sleepover?"

"Sofa bed in the living room."

"Right."

And then there was silence.

Several minutes passed. Dipper nearly fell back asleep. He heard Bill climbing out of bed and creeping across the room; but the footsteps didn't approach Dipper's bed, so he didn't open his eyes.

A few minutes after that, Dipper heard him come back, walking more heavily. He cracked open an eye to see what Bill was up to.

He was carrying Mabel, who was still asleep; his arms were trembling from her weight, but even at that Dipper hadn't known Bill was that strong. With a quiet grunt, he set her on her bed, then haphazardly tossed her sheet and zodiac blanket over her. He picked up his top hat from the bed and put it on; and then he wandered off, footsteps quiet as a ghost, and Dipper heard the creak of the door as he left the bedroom.

That was a lot nicer than Dipper had expected from Bill. Maybe he did care about Mabel in his own way.

Mabel rolled over and latched on to one of her dolls. Dipper shut his eye and fell back asleep.

####

(My favorite part of writing this was Bill dreaming about Sev'ral Timez saying the most absurdly flowery things imaginable. Anyway, let me know what y'all think about this week's chapter! And reminder that I MIGHT skip next week or the week after because the next couple chapters need heavier editing than usual.)

[nofomogirl]

We need to talk about body snatching

I'm not a massive fan of the 1827 minisode - if you're curious why it bothers me, I've explained it in my post about two GO canons - but there's no denying it does an amazing job at exploring the complexity of morality and moral choices. It starts with a very black-and-white two-dimensional image and gradually adds shading and perspective, making it harder and harder to judge as we go along.

I think it's worth digging into (pun not intended but I'll take it).

Layer 1: body snatching bad

We learn someone did something

It's those first few seconds where we see a person robbing a grave, and since we know that robbing graves is a crime and generally not a good thing to do, we can quickly form a tentative conclusion that this is wrong.

Okay, in this exact instance, we immediately get enough context clues to see that this kind of judgment would be oversimplistic and superficial. Only Aziraphale, who for some reason acts as if it was his first day on Earth after a thorough memory wipe, is ready to condemn Elspeth based on just that.

Nevertheless, this is the first layer - the deed itself with no context.

Layer 2: body snatching acceptable

We learn about the person who did the thing

That's the whole journey with the first dug-up body where we get to know Elspeth and become privy to her circumstances - she's desperately poor, she has another person depending on her, she robs graves to survive. Aziraphale's suggestions that she might earn her living by selling books, weaving or farming just serve to prove how inaccessible more honest and dignified professions are to her. In turn, her comment about how she's not hurting anybody who isn't already dead hints that from the realistically available options, Elspeth could have chosen something much worse.

Technically this layer is a significant step up from layer 1 but it still isn't really challenging. Things are spelt out really loud for us, and most importantly everything we learn about Elspeth is just attenuating circumstances. To top it off both she and Wee Morag are immediately endearing. The takeaway is that sometimes things that in theory are bad can be excused which is important but the verdict still comes without any second thoughts.

Layer 3: body snatching complicated

We learn the larger context around the thing

This mostly happens when Aziraphale and Crowley discuss body snatching with Mr Dalrymple. We learn that the stolen corpses are used for a medical study that can advance human knowledge and make it possible to save living people and that surgeons have no legal means to obtain enough of them for their research - hence their need to buy them from body snatchers.

At first glance it's just more of what we got in layer 2 - more agruments in favour of body snatching that aren't all that nuanced and don't really give us any pause - just from a larger perspective, beyond Elspeth's individual experience. But if you glance more than once you'll notice this is when things stop being straightforward and easy to judge.

The moment we enter a proper grey area is when Aziraphale asks why Mr Dalrymple doesn't acquire the bodies himself. This is a very valid question - while we might easily agree that studying the human body to further medical knowledge is a good thing, and with just the slightest hesitation admit that it's acceptable to resort to using stolen bodies if that is the only way the research may continue, it's not as easy to excuse taking advantage of the poor and the desperate to do the actual stealing that we know is very dangerous.

The moment we know without a doubt we are in a proper grey area is when Mr Dalrymple laughs at Aziraphale's concern.

Objectively, the surgeon is right that it's more effective if he doesn't risk his own life in the graveyard and uses his time on actual research, teaching students and saving lives. But it's also clear he doesn't exactly see people like Elspeth as actual human beings and feels he has every right to use them. On the one hand, he is paying, on the other, he happily benefits from the cruel class system and is not even one bit remorseful about it. On the one hand, he takes risks too, on the other he has a chance of rewards Elspeth will not benefit from. It's not the poorest whose lives will get bettered by the progress of medicine, even though they're the ones who pay with their lives for that progress. And if Mr Dalrymple gets lucky and is knighted for his work (we know he wasn't in the end but it was a possibility), the poor still won't be pardoned for stealing for him. Nevertheless, he has no issue with that.

As I said, things get nuanced.

Layer 4: it's different when it's someone you know

The thing actually happens in your life

I think you'll all agree that the turning point of the minisode is when Elspeth decides to sell Wee Morag's still warm body. This is what finally leaves us speechless.

That's because up until now we've been approaching the issue intellectually. It's not that we didn't care about the characters, but we were allowed to keep a safe distance. The whole thing was like a problem to be solved - "Is body snatching right or wrong? Discuss in 500-1000 words" - and everything we've learned so far was data for this assignment. I believe that one of the reasons why this detachment came naturally was that there was a very thick line between people involved in body snatching and the bodies that were being snatched. The former were, well, people, obviously. The latter were inanimate objects.

It isn't until Wee Morag is to be sold that we are forced to see a person in a dead body. This is also when real emotions enter the equation.

This shift forces us to question our judgment for the first time. It was easy to justify Elspeth when she was selling a nameless corpse. But the fact that she decided to sell her closest companion - and most likely lover - shocks us. Something inside us strongly objects to how quickly she makes the decision.

And then there's the transaction, and it is also different when it's someone we know. The fact that we knew Wee Morag fully exposes Mr Dalrymple for the heartless jerk that he is. The way he treats Elspeth is the absolute worst and if you haven't realized he was a hypocrite earlier, you should be disillusioned by now.

But at least Elspeth is not a hypocrite, right? It may seem cold that she sold Wee Morag but it just proves she simply believed it's all right to sell a dead body, doesn't it?

Well, about that...

Layer 5: it's different when it's you

You are forced to face the thing happening to you

This layer is reached when Elspeth plans her suicide and asks Aziraphale and Crowley to bury her "somewhere where no ghouls will ever dig her back up again".

It turns out Elspeth McKinnon really was a filthy liar.

Not long ago she was insisting that body snatching doesn't hurt anyone who isn't already dead, and asking why she should let Wee Morag rot in the ground when she starves. But she wants to make sure it doesn't happen to her own body. The idea that someone might dig her up terrifies her and she calls people who do it ghouls. So why was digging up other people okay again? Why should she rot in the ground while other people suffer? There were other people living in the street where she and Wee Morag hid. Why not ask Aziraphale to give the money to them? Or just anybody in need? Why not ask to sell her body as well and use the earnings the same way?

Also, if you look at it from a certain perspective, Elspeth betrayed Wee Morag in the worst possible way. Wee Morag believed that if someone's body gets cut, that person's soul cannot enter Heaven. Yet Elspeth sold her to Mr Dalrymple, claiming that Wee Morag would have wanted her to have the means to survive. Perhaps she was right. Perhaps Wee Morag would have made that sacrifice. But then Elspeth decided to kill herself and use the money she got for Wee Morag's body for her own funeral.

But does it make Elspeth wicked? Certainly not. She's simply torn by grief. I seriously doubt she's been planning to commit suicide when she was taking Wee Morag to Mr Dalrymple. She might have genuinely tried to carry on but the reality of what happened caught up to her. Mr Dalrymple's cruel words certainly didn't help her cope with a personal tragedy. I even suspect one of the reasons she sold her friend was that she had no idea what else to do with a dead body.

Does this excuse her actions? Kind of, but not really.

Elspeth was a tragic character, not an innocent lamb with a heart of gold.

The point is - can any of us really judge her?

Which, coincidentally, is a question that the original Good Omens book toyed with quite a lot.

If you've reached this far, thank you for reading!

[cirilla-fiona-riannon]

The Beast Wants to Tempt the Little Rabbit (Matias vs Clavis)

Translations may not always capture the exact nuances or tone of the original text. Expect grammatical errors and inaccuracies. Not proofread.

Part 2

Clavis: "This is rather unsatisfactory."

(!?)

Matias: "Is it? This is the first time I've been welcomed this warmly."

Clavis: "Haha, you should aim higher. After all, you should be welcomed by all the citizens."

Clavis: "But unfortunately, I've noticed some of them not paying attention. Therefore..."

Emma: "It's almost lunchtime!"

I grabbed Clavis' hand as he was about to put it inside his coat.

(I'm pretty sure he's going to come up with some kind of outrageous trap.)

Emma: "Prince Matias, are you hungry?"

Matias: "Now that you mention it, I do feel a bit hungry."

Emma: "In that case, let's have lunch!"

Emma: "Prince Clavis, your guest has a request. As your tour guide, I suggest we eat."

Clavis: "Hmm, you really know how to handle me."

(That's because I've made every mistake imaginable back when I was Belle.)

Clavis grasped my hand lightly with a pleased expression, his golden eyes gleaming seductively.

Clavis: "I've already made arrangements for lunch. Let's head there."

Emma: "Thank you, but what's with this hand?"

Clavis: "I'm just responding to your passion. You want to hold my hand, right?"

Emma: "I never said anything like that!"

Clavis: "Come on, don't be shy. Let's hold hands."

Emma: "I don't want to. Hey, your grip is too strong!"

Matias: "Are you two...?"

Emma: "No, absolutely not!"

Clavis: "Matias, stop asking such a bold question. You're making Emma embarrassed."

(This guy is trying to get back at me.)

Clavis gently held my hand and started walking, leaving me feeling embarrassed under the sympathetic gazes of the people around us.

(I tried to regain my composure and think about lunch, and yet...)

Clavis: "Now then, I will treat you to my homemade cooking."

Emma: "Why? Just why?"

I almost collapsed to my knees.

The place Clavis chose was one of the most famous restaurants in Rhodolite.

I thought that for entertaining a distinguished guest like Matias, he would have prepared dishes made by top-notch chefs, but for some reason, he declared that we were going to the kitchen.

Matias: "Miss Emma, you look pale. Are you alright?"

Emma: "Yes, I apologize for causing concern."

Emma: "I just remembered a lot of intense memories from the past."

(I've had Clavis' homemade cooking a few times before that's why I can say this with confidence: his homemade dishes are too unconventional to be served to a distinguished guest.)

(If by any chance someone got food poisoning and it turned into an international incident, then...)

For the royals, poison was the most important thing to take into consideration when it came to food.

(If I were to give up now, there would be no one to protect Matias.)

Clavis: "You should rest. When you're able to eat..."

Emma: "Prince Clavis, there's a dish that I really want Prince Matias to try."

Emma: "It's a classic Rhodolite home-cooked dish, but I thought there might not be another chance like this, so please, let me cook this time!"

When I said this in one breath, the two men widened their eyes, perhaps taken aback by the momentum of my words.

(My cooking isn't something that should be served to state guests, either, but I think it's better than risking an international incident with Clavis' unconventional cooking. Or at least, I want to believe so.)

Matias: "Home-cooked dish..."

(Hmm?)

Matias: "Clavis, I'm also interested in her cooking."

Again, I thought I heard him mutter something, but Matias' serious expression didn't change.

(I can't believe he's so interested.) 

Clavis: "I see. Come to think of it, you've always had a fascination with home cooking."

Clavis: "Very well. Emma, I appoint you as our tour guide and personal chef."

Emma: "Thank you! I'm honored!"

(Thank goodness, I managed to avert the worst-case scenario.)

Clavis: "I thought something like this might happen, so I actually had an apron prepared for you."

Clavis pulled out a white apron from the cupboard.

When he unfolded it, I noticed it had a bunch of frills.

Matias: "A frilly white apron, huh?"

(What's with the occasional sigh-like voice I've been hearing?)

Even when I glanced at Matias, his expression remained unchanged.

(Well, whatever. I have a feeling I shouldn't pry.)

Gathering my courage, I put on the apron I received.

I pushed aside the suspicious ingredients on the counter and picked up only the safe ones.

Matias & Clavis: ".........."

Matias & Clavis: ".........."

Emma: "Since this will take some time, would you two like to chat elsewhere?"

Matias: "No, if there's something I can help with, I'd like to assist. I'll stay here."

Clavis: "It'll be lonely here by yourself, so we'll stay and keep you company."

(It's awkward and nerve-wracking!)

Still, I couldn't exactly chase them out, so I worked while receiving their intense gaze.

Clavis: "By the way, was your queen also good at cooking?"

Matias: "Yeah, it all begins with watching my queen in the kitchen every morning."

Matias: "Cooking together, tasting each other's dishes to understand the flavors, and laughing together after waking up."

(So Matias is already married. He looks so in love, it makes me smile.)

Matias: "But you know, even if she's bad at cooking, it's still fine."

Matias: "It makes it more worthwhile to cook together, and it'd be nice for me to cook for her and serve her as well."

Clavis: "Isn't there a royal chef at Acroite?"

Matias: "Of course there is, but the idea of homemade cooking is just romantic."

Clavis: "Haha, you're really saying that?"

Clavis: "I'm relieved to see that you still have the same perverted qualities you had as a student, even more so than me and Jin."

Matias: “I'm not a pervert. I'm just a regular guy who is devoted to his ideals."

(What's that supposed to mean?)

Their conversation was so outlandish that I couldn't help but stop.

Emma: "Prince Matias, you're married, right?"

Matias: "No, not yet."

Emma: "But a queen?"

Matias: "I'm talking about my future queen."

Emma: "Ah..."

(I see.)

(I've always wondered why such a kind-hearted person would be friends with Clavis, but maybe it's because they both walk their own paths and understand each other.)

Realizing this, I resumed cooking as if nothing had happened.

Matias: "Miss Emma, you're an undeniable genius."

Clavis: "Right? She really is a genius."

(Though it's not much of a dish, being praised like this makes me feel a little embarrassed.)

The main course was a simple beef and vegetable stew cooked in cream, accompanied by mashed potatoes with butter. 

I also prepared a soup and salad consisting of tomatoes, and edible roses.

For dessert, I made simple madeleines.

It might seem lacking compared to the dishes the princes usually eat, but both Matias and Clavis were eating so happily that it made me feel happy.

Matias: "Rhodolite is a wonderful country. To be able to enjoy such gourmet food as home cooking is amazing."

Clavis: "Right? We should praise Emma even more."

Emma: "You've already praised me more than enough!"

Emma: "Anyway, Prince Matias, why did you come to Rhodolite?"

Feeling embarrassed, I quickly changed the subject, and Matias placed his cutlery on the table.

Matias: "I was invited as a legal advisor."

Emma: "Legal advisor?"

Matias: "Acroite is known as the country of snow and law, and I'm called the guardian of law."

Matias: "I'm well-versed in the laws of not only my own country but also those of the major nations, including Rhodolite."

(That's amazing.)

Matias: "I've heard that several new laws are being considered in Rhodolite this time."

Matias: "However, these new laws have few precedents. Setting them up requires the establishment of various systems."

Matias: "That's why they invited me. They seek the expertise of a legal specialist."

Clavis: "Originally, Jin and I were already good friends with Matias, so when I sent him a letter, he responded warmly."

(Ah, so that's why Clavis is personally putting so much effort into welcoming him.)

This was not a story that is irrelevant to me, either.

The law is a set of rules that everyone living in Rhodolite must follow.

Emma: "If you've come for the sake of Rhodolite, then we must put even more effort into welcoming you."

(We have to do our best this afternoon.)

Matias: "No, quite the opposite."

Emma: "The opposite?"

Matias: "I should be thanking you."

Matias: "This falls under the Asbrink family's 23rd precept, which states that one must always repay kindness received."

Matias: "So, could I have some of your time this afternoon? I want to repay your cooking."

Emma: "Please don't worry about it. Your sentiment alone makes me happy."

Clavis: "The Lelouch family also has a similar motto."

Emma: "Yours is just nonsense."

Clavis: "Haha! What are you saying? It's not nonsense. I just decided on it now."

(See? Nonsense.)

Clavis: "So, I also want to repay you for your cooking."

Emma: "Your gratitude is more than enough!"

Matias: "Clavis, I brought it up first."

Clavis: "Unfortunately, Rhodolite doesn't have a 'first come, first served' law."

Clavis: "We can't let a guest like you repay your gratitude."

Clavis: "So, let me express my gratitude to Emma on your behalf."

Matias: "Fair enough. But then it loses its meaning. Shouldn't you respect the will of your guest?"

Clavis: "Hmm."

Clavis: "Emma, what do you think?"

Emma: "What do I think?"

Clavis: "Between me and Matias, whose gratitude would you like to accept?"

(Huh? Is this what this is about!?)

Part 1 ╎ Part 2 ╎ Matias End ╎ Epilogue

[angelinthefire]

There is a “would Dean kill Cas to save Sam” poll going round I think you’d find interesting and which compelled me to unleash thoughts at you. I often wonder why fandom (both hellers and bronlies) ignores the fascinating examples in canon where Dean’s “Sam before anything else” ideology is threatened by Castiel. the BEST example of this is when Cas premeditatedly and with full agency breaks Sam’s wall as collateral damage — and Dean forgives him in the blink of an eye! If that were anyone else who’d done that to Sam they would be a dead man. Yes Dean was mad about it, yet the next season (BEFORE Cas redeems himself by taking on Sam’s hell trauma) Dean literally tells Cas “you were doing the best you could” (girl…).

Other key examples: Dean staying in Purgatory for an additional year to find Cas (rather than prioritising going back to find Sam, and this is after Cas broke Sam’s brain mind you); deciding to basically kill himself in s13 after Cas has died (despite Sam being alive and well); telling Chuck he’s wiling to kill Sam if it’ll bring Cas back. If the Bronly tenet that all Dean needs to be happy is Sam then hell, why does Dean beg Sam to let him die in the series finale.

I will note that Dean kicking Cas out of the bunker in s9 is thrown around constantly but there was literally a gun to Sam’s head at that point. Dean was tormented about it and still snuck off to see Cas although it may have been unwise in that situation.

Also interesting to note that Sam isn’t the only one; Castiel has also served as a threat to Dean’s other representations of family. in s6 Cas ~betrays Dean by colluding with Crowley, who kidnaps Lisa and Ben, which eventually leads to Dean deciding to memory wipe Lisa. In s14 Dean literally *blames Cas in part for Mary’s death*! And yet still forgives him?? (As s13 showed, Dean can live better without Mary than he can without Cas.) This is really intriguing/toxic element of Destiel that is hardly explored in fandom, which is that Dean associates Cas with danger to the rest of his family/his role as protector of his family and therefore his relationship with him is a weakness that he will regret. Add to the fact that Cas has proven time and again to not be a safe/reliable object of affection (see above examples, and also repeatedly leaving/dying) and it’s very plain why Dean would have reason to fear/suppress/compartmentalise romantic feelings between them — because they would be an even greater source of pain.

Curious to get your thoughts on this!!

Thank you for the message!

Regarding the first point: I think there's a fairly typical thing going on of fan simplifying characters and their motivations. Does Dean love and care about Sam? Yes. Was Dean's duty to Sam something that was drilled into him as something that he had no choice over? And something that was reinforced through their forced isolation from the rest of society? Also yes. So what happens when Dean has someone that he has grown to love on his own terms? And who he never has to worry about alienating, someone who could actually be part of his life? Something very interesting!

I looooove the s6/7 example so much, because Dean really isn't ever angry at Cas for hurting Sam, he's angry at Cas for not listening to him. And even then, not really - his anger at Cas in 7x01 is much more something that Dean is using as a sheild, something to cover his own hurt, than anything else. And then the second it looks like Cas is going to turn around and come back to him, all that anger evaporates.

s8 was soooo vindicating as well when it aired, because all summer the bronlies were like, "Dean's motivation in Purgatory will be that he's trying to get back to Sam!" And then it WASN'T. This is another thing too, that bronlies will try to make it out like Sam is the only one that Dean will go to extreme lengths for, that Dean isn't a *generally* nurturing type of person who *wants* a bigger family and to not be so socially isolated. But throughout the entire show, Dean is constantly drawing people around himself. And we do see how Dean is willing to go to great lengths for Cas. Of course, a lot of the time, Dean is convinced that he's powerless to do anything when it comes to saving Cas, but Purgatory was one time when he wasn't, and we see what happens.

(And the thing is I do get where the bronlies are coming from in their understanding of the show, in an abstract sense. Like objectively, if someone were to tell me that there's a story about two brothers, that only have eachother against the world, and they have a super-intense relationship, and all they care about is each other and fighting monsters, and there's a dark, gothic vibe to it, I could see why someone would be into that. Like it's not my jam, but abstractly, I see it. But the thing is, that reading of the show does not hold up to contact with canon - and none of them want to admit that.)

The series finale is so weird when you think about it. Because bronlies hold it up as a win. But it is Dean taken down to a place where all he has is Sam and hunting, and then deciding that he has nothing to live for.

s9 was just a mess. Kicking Cas out of the bunker was so contrived. And then what everyone forgets is how incredibly happy and jazzed Dean was when he thought Cas was going to be living with them. The thing I'm most bitter about is that they couldn't have given us at least one episode of Dean and Cas being absolutely goofy happy around each other before constructing a situation to get Cas out of the picture.

Your last paragraph is interesting, and something to think about. The way I see it, is that Cas has entered a special tier of relationships with Dean, where Dean will hold on to him no matter what. I don't think Lisa and Ben are a good example for your point, actually, because I think Dean blames himself for what happened to them more than anyone else, which is reflected in his final interaction with them when he says he hit them with his car and is happy they can go on with their lives (or something of that nature, I forget).

Mary's death is interesting though. The only thing comparable to something like that happening before is when Dean blames Sam for Charlie's death (and what Dean says to Sam - "I think it should be you on that pyre instead of her" - is actually way more harsh than what Dean says to Cas). But Dean does forgive Sam, and he does forgive Cas - again, they're on a special tier, where Dean values them no matter what. And you see that throughout the divorce arc, where Dean keeps checking in on Cas and showing concern for him, in spite of how he feels at the moment - like he knows througout that the rift him and Cas are going through isn't going to last forever.

I think all of Dean's closest relationships are toxic, just as a result of the way he was raised and the kind of life he leads. With Sam, John, Mary, Jack, and Cas. The relationships that aren't toxic are the ones where they aren't physically around each other that much (like Charlie), or with Bobby, who has the level of experience to not get caught up in bullshit. With all of them, the death toll doesn't really matter (like Mary endangered Cas too, and Dean forgave her). Dean just tends to not let go of the people around him.

I think a big barrier for Dean and Cas is actually neither of them having any kind of reference model for what they are to one another. All of Dean's romantic relationships have been filled with secrets, and the knowledge that his partner cannot share his life with him. Dean calls Cas his "brother" in s6 and s11, because to him, that's the closest you can be to someone. That changes to "best friend", which is better, because it doesn't have the same connotation of obligation and responsibility - your best friend is someone you actually like being around. And it's a title that is uniquely Castiel's.

And in general he has trouble categorizing Castiel. Like he keeps trying to put Cas in human boxes that he doesn't actually fit within. He repeatedly indicates that he thinks of Cas as just a guy, and then Cas acts in ways that defy that category.

So yeah, I guess I don't really think that Dean sees Cas as unsafe. It's more that Dean just isn't thinking of romantic relationships as a possibility for himself. And he doesn't quite know how to categorize what he and Cas are to each other (and the fact that Cas is a dude may or may not play into that, depending on how much you think Dean grapples with internalized homophobia). And they're both generally fucked up.

It's an interesting idea, though, that Dean sees Cas as a danger, that I'd be interested in seeing explored more in posts or fic.

[hauntedestheart]

Security Measures - Bodyhoppers

Entry 2 in the Security Measures series- the stories of a boy named Trevor as he attempts to protect his possession-prone boyfriend Andy from snatchers.

I'm not entirely sure what bodyhoppers are and I've never met one that's keen to offer me specifics, but all the layman needs to know is that they're humans who have an innate ability to take over other people's bodies by slipping into them through their backs. Some that I've met have hinted that there is some sort of larger community of hoppers but I've never seen more than one in one place- they're often solitary and nomadic, spending their days completely unattached and living little snatches of other people's lives for fun.

It seems natural to compare a bodyhopper to a ghost since both will try to possess people but after spending a lot of time dealing with each type I've actually come to the conclusion that they have very little in common. The main difference is that bodyhoppers have something that ghosts completely lack: subtlety.

A visit from a ghost is pure chaos, from their bombastic entry to their explosive exit, they're out for trouble. In comparison to that, getting hopped by a hopper is almost peaceful. A good hopper will slide into their target like they're taking a dip into a pool and depart without making a ripple, leaving their targets only dimly aware that anything happened at all. You yourself might have been hopped at some point and not even realized it!

Luckily for us the first hopper we encountered was an inexperienced one so he was easy to spot- Andy took ten minutes to come back from the bathroom and then I found him dancing on a table without a shirt, so it was pretty obvious something was up. I thought he was a ghost until I confronted him and a very scared looking young guy slid out of his back, and a hopper is far less threatening when you can face them from the front so thanks to a bit of intimidation we were able to pump a lot of good information out of him that's served us well.

Unlike a lot of forms of body snatchers, hoppers actually prefer a challenge- I think they take some pride in being tricky. Usually they'll strike in a public place, singling out a target and waiting until they're alone to slip in and carry on as if nothing had changed. You can stop a hopper with physical force if you catch them in the act (Andy's fists can attest to this) so the best way to guard against a hopper is to be vigilant, because once they're in, they're in.

I'm still experimenting with different methods of forcing a hopper out but as far as I can tell conventional exorcisms and spells won't work- whatever it is that they're using to hop people, it isn't quite magic. The most reliable tool I've found is, strangely enough, just kind of talking to them! A lot of hoppers treat it like a game so they'll usually move on after being called out because it "spoils the fun," and they're also very concerned about their secrecy so if push comes to shove, threatening to expose a hopper can scare them off. They don't want trouble any more than you do.

But I must stress that you absolutely do not want a hopper to be angry with you... with their powers there's no telling what they'll do.

The oldest, most seasoned hoppers in particular scare me because with enough experience a hopper can learn to access their host's memories, which makes identifying them near impossible. One time Andy was hopped on his way back from class and I didn't notice it for a week– I shared a bed with this hopper and I didn't even realize it until he slipped up while picking his favorite ice cream, of all things. Remember, just because a hopper has access to someone's memories doesn't mean they know what's important, so little details matter!

But to close it out on a more positive note, at the end of the day, hoppers are still people, and people can be cool sometimes! Andy and I do keep in contact with one hopper that we met– we got to talking after he left Andy's body and it turned out we had a lot in common. He still plays Destiny with Andy, the two of them do raids together. They get lunch together every now and then... though it's a bit confusing because he's in a different body every time.

He said I can always call him if I need to force a hopper out, which I've fortunately never had to do. But it's a good option to have in our back pocket.

[angelofthepage]

Memory Joey - What is your source?

Hi I did not get my full eight hours of sleep, and I am chomping at the bit with a new thought, so prepare for a slightly unhinged Kat theory about Joey.

Last night I was chatting with my partner in crime Beth about a number of Bendy things, but one of my many takeaways from that conversation was a new angle of looking at Memory Joey. So, recently I shared that I was frustrated with the narrative shift of Henry and Allison being ink copies, because it feels like it cheapens the original BATIM and doesn't do anything to serve the Joey Drew Redemption Arc (tm) narrative. We as the player know the man has a body count. Even if you take these two characters out of the mix, he's still responsible for the deaths of multiple other characters, mostly in the books, but like, come on, the whole "I own thousands of them" comment about souls in BATIM? The coffins with secret names on them? Joey you ain't slick. We spent too long establishing that Joey used his employees for their souls across MULTIPLE MEDIUMS to suddenly throw all of that out the window, and I don't entirely buy the idea that these two aren't the real deal. Granted, it still leaves us with questions about how the ink demon works given, there was also time dedicated to establishing that he was imperfect because he's soulless, but that's for another day.

But then, last night we talked about how none of these characters know Audrey is the daughter of Drew. And if they did know that, would their reactions be different? Would they still try to help her? I'm not sure. But it got me thinking about how there's a lot of things we the player know/believe that the characters don't. And that's when it hit me.

Memory Joey's story wasn't for us. It was for Audrey.

Now, that sounds obvious, like no duh, he's talking to Audrey for the whole scene, of course it's for her. Memory Joey doesn't know we as the players exist, he's got nothing to prove to us. But hear me out: that sequence wasn't meant to give us as players new information or prove he's a changed man, we weren't the ones who were supposed to believe in it. Audrey was. He has EVERYTHING to prove to Audrey. That's the daughter of the man he came from, his precious little girl, the first time he made something with the ink machine out of love, and she doesn't even remember that he's her father. Joey Drew, throughout his lifetime, cared a lot about how people saw him. Having shoes and a suit that didn't make him look poor, appearing financially stable to investors, the nasty things he had to say when he thought he wasn't being recorded, acting like he had control when everything he knew was falling apart, Joey was always trying to keep up appearances. And while I'll believe that he can mostly let go of that with time and growth, I don't think he could deal with Audrey, his daughter, seeing him as the bad guy. Especially when she doesn't remember Joey? Trying to make a good impression, sharing that yes, he did bad things, but he wasn't all bad? That he changed? That's covering Joey's ass something fierce.

Audrey isn't aware of Joey's body count. She doesn't know what happened to his employees. How Sammy became a cultist, how Susie was mistreated and manipulated to be desperate to be Alice. The entire story of Buddy Lewek and Norman Polk. She knows NONE of it! She doesn't know what he did. She doesn't know there were so many teenagers, just a little younger than her, that DIED because of his machine. And until you get the note about the kids that came before her, she has no idea she's not the first.

I often give Memory Joey a pass, he doesn't strike me as someone who would want to lie, especially to Audrey since he clearly cares about her. He delivers his slideshow presentation so earnestly, it feels like he truly believes this is what's true. But then I'm left questioning, what is his source? Why does he believe that they're clones? But maybe...maybe he is lying on purpose. I think it could be an equal opportunity for both. Joey was a liar in life, he lied about so many things (which is frustrating when he's the one giving us most of the information we look to to figure out how the heck ink works, Gent can you please give us some notes to cross reference?). Why wouldn't he lie to appear better to his own daughter? Memory Joey making that distinction for himself, that he himself cares for how Audrey sees him and Joey, would be a really valuable detail for his character, but him not knowing and believing all the information that someone like Joey left behind for him (since I'm assuming that's where his understanding of the cycle comes from) would also be interesting for his characterization.

But here's the kicker: by introducing the idea that Henry and Allison are not truly their human counterparts, if that turns out to be untrue, you've made a grave mistake Memory Joey. Audrey doesn't know any of these people were human before they became ink. I mean maybe she can deduce that other humans are in here given Allison's whole "I remember my first day" speech, but then Memory Joey throwing this at her, Allison is a creation rather than someone who was once alive? Who's to say she'd think twice about it? Wilson treats everyone like they're just ink and not worth caring for after all. But if she finds out about the sacrifices? That many of these ink creatures were once human? Oh Broseph my dude, you are gonna have a lot to answer for, more ways in which her trust in you will be utterly broken. That is a very messy, delicate balance. I kind of want to see that. I want to see him have his world view turned on its head, learning that he was wrong about Henry, and have him genuinely not know that he was fed bad information. Let him process that, let him struggle, and let Audrey grapple with the truth too.

Yeah, I don't necessarily think Henry and Allison are clones. Inhuman, yes, but clones? I think we need more than Memory Joey's word to know that for sure. So I ask again, sir, what is your source?

[reddbuster]

I've talked about this before but I don't think I worded it all that well so I kinda want to try again to articulate what it is that bothers me about Dahlia's writing cause I have some thoughts.

We really aren't supposed to like Dahlia. The text does not like her. She is supposed to be an evil, manipulative girl. A wolf in sheep's clothing. This is made very clear. From the moment we are introduced to her character, Mia herself very clearly doesn't like her. She is written to be a difficult and frustrating witness, having already wrapped most of the courtroom around her finger. Cross examining her is even more of an uphill battle than usual. The first time we beat her in turnabout memories is satisfying to the player, because we know justice is being served. Even when we learn her story, we aren't really lead to closely examine or to sympathize with it. Because Ace Attorney is not a game in which we decide if someone deserves to go to jail. It's a game where we deduce whether or not someone is a criminal. And Dahlia, by definition, is undoubtedly a criminal. She's a liar, and a manipulator, and a serial murderer. Mind you, the game isn’t COMPLETELY unsympathetic to her situation. Iris, her twin and narrative foil of a sort, Is an example of the kind of person Dahlia could have become if her circumstances were different. Iris even says as much herself. Ace Attorney acknowledges that Dahlia is a victim of her circumstances, at least to an extent. But it also treats her as if she’s too far gone to be worthy of any kind of closure. And more than anything else that's what bothers me about her story. Because if you take a minute to think about her at all beyond this very orthodox formalist lens she's SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT. She's suuuuch an interesting and complex and compelling character if you look below the surface but the game really doesn't encourage you to do that and that makes me really sad honestly. From a psychoanalytic lens I personally think that agency (or the perceived lack-thereof) is a big point in her story and that more than anything is what makes me want to write about her from a feminist lens, because agency is a really big point of feminist literary theory.

I've seen a couple people say that they don't think Dahlia needs to be thought about deeply because they see her as a cartoonish sort of villain character like Manfred and Engarde. And obviously this isn't an objectively wrong reading, anyone who follows me knows that I'm the first person to tell you that are multiple good and valid readings of a text. But PERSONALLY I disagree with this. I think Manfred is easier to read like that because he doesn't really have an.. understandable reason for any of his crimes? Like lets be real the murder of Gregory Edgeworth was petty as hell. Personally I think he's pretty interesting himself and worth thinking about deeper esp after watching the anime but I also thinks he fulfills the role of capital V Villain in the game really well so you don't need to if he doesn't compel you that much. Engarde imo is much more interesting as a character if you view him as a culmination of the game's themes, or as a device to cause conflict within other characters. Ofc you can psychoanalyze him to hell and back if that's what you wanna do, but you really don't need to at all. Dahlia on the other hand.. way too much has happened to her for me to comfortably read her as just Girlboss Manipulator Villain™. The more I think about Dahlia the more I appreciate her as a character, and it makes aa3 even better to me. Of course it also brings to light some of my issues with the game, but even so everything just hits harder when you consider the ending of aa3 from everyone's perspective. It's just such a bittersweet conclusion it hits me in the feels very time.

anyway TLDR I support women's wrongs and I personally think Dahlia deserved better from the story. I dunno the more I think about her the more her story just makes me sad and I just wish they gave her some kind of closure in the end. This is just my take tho don't come after me ok thankies

[amarizuu]

It was more than a deal of money.

Note: This is referred to this video from my channel. Aftermath of what just happened after Yuu threatened the mercenary. Yuu's pronouns will be used as They/Them. Tried to keep them all in character. And not proofread! With a small lore drop!

They didn't like how that man spoke about Queen Grimhilde. They sighed, dropping their hand back to their side. "Let's not talk about this meet-up. Spread it and expect that your death isn't because of those blot monsters," Blot monsters are creatures made of black ink and take the form of the caster's darkest fear. Recently, blot monsters have been appearing. They heard that these blot monsters are usually created if a mage's magic has lost its control, it would have been a small problem, only taking the form of a slimy figure. But it slowly evolved to the point where the ink takes control of the user's body, taking control of their negative emotions.

"I swear-- I won't say a word about this, I promise! Just don't hurt me" The man begged, not wanting to anger the mercenary who was known to gain the favor of the Queen of Hearts and the Thorn Fairy. At first, people thought it was someone in court, but it was later revealed it was a mercenary. The same mercenary who saved them multiple times in battle or when their kingdom required help.

"Fine then. Leave, and make sure to cover up the wound you got" They didn't blame themself for hurting them it was just a small warning to never try to recruit them into doing such a thing, it is their duty during that day-- "Did they pay you that much to keep you on their side?!"

The mercenary asked, who would want to serve a queen who is obsessed with their beauty. But in a few seconds, he was pinned back against the rocky wall with another dagger. The dagger was thrown hard enough to dig through the hard surface of the wall, making the man unable to easily remove it with his strength alone.

"It was more than a deal of money" They trailed off, turning their back on him as he shouted for their help. They hate when someone judges only the surface.

"It was because I knew the queen trusted me. That is more than what money can give me"

Yuu remembered a memory of that look on the Queen's face, they knew that they put their trust in them more than her guards on that day. They knew they couldn't disappoint her.

With a faint memory of Yuu kneeling down in front of them. Even with a pretty face, how could you see those fake masks they wear.

[rookie-chenford]

Dream a little dream of me

Description: Based on Season 4 Episode 17. Some things are the same and some things are my own added flare. So I hope you enjoy!

Words: 2617

Warnings: mentions of anxiety, lots of tears, mentions of what happened to Lucy. If there is any other warning I should put in here, please let me know!

A/N: This is a long one, so strap in for the ride!

Lucy emerged from her bedroom and stopped in the doorway. "What is that smell?" she asked cautiously.

Tamara smiled. "Breakfast. I saw this recipe on Cliptalk and wanted to try it." She placed the food on a plate and handed it over to Lucy.

"Ooooh, okay. It looks interesting." She takes a bite, contemplating all the flavors bursting in her mouth. "Okay, it's not bad; it has some uniqueness to it. For once, I can say this Cliptalk recipe isn't all that bad. What's all the fuss for?"

"I just want today to go well for you. I can't imagine having to tell the same story repeatedly and feeling like I'll never stop telling it."

"Well, I've told the story to my therapist a hundred times. I don't think one more time will hurt."

"I know, but it just seems so unnecessary for you to go through the worst moments in your life just so the D.A. can slap some more charges onto her time."

"All I have to do is tell the D.A. everything so they can prove Rosalind was an accessory in Caleb's crime."

"But is it even worth it when she's already serving four life sentences?" Tamara asked, concern and confusion laced in her voice.

"It's essential that she is held accountable for what happened. Most of her victims aren't alive to tell their stories, and I'm fortunate enough to do so." Lucy said with a bit of sadness in her voice.

Tamara nodded. "Fine, but I'm coming with you. Is Tim going to be there?"

Lucy let out a small chuckle. "You don't have to, and why would Tim be there?"

Tamara made her way around the counter, gathering up her stuff so they could leave. "I'm coming with you. That way, if you get upset, I'll be on standby with cute puppy videos and your favorite snacks. And I just figured he'd also be there to support you, like me." She smiled.

Lucy shook her head, a sad smile appearing on her face. "No, he won't be there. He's working today." She took a deep breath and grabbed her stuff. "Come on, let's go."

Walking into the main lobby of the ADA's office, Lucy took a deep breath and looked around, trying to come up with a small lie to have a moment to herself. "Umm, I am going to look for a restroom. I'll be right back."

"Do you need me to come with you?" Tamara asked with concern.

Lucy chuckled. "I think I can handle it. Will you let someone know that I'm here?"

"Sure thing."

Lucy quickly walked off and opened the first door that she saw. The lights were off when she entered, but she looked around to ensure she was alone. When she saw no one around, she leaned against the wall, her breathing becoming ragged. All the memories of Caleb and what happened to her quickly flashed through her mind. Her lip quivered, trying to keep her tears at bay. She squeezed her eyes shut and slid down the wall, trying to get the memories to disappear, a single tear making its way down her face. Once she felt she was okay enough, she wiped her face, got up, and exhaled a shaky breath. She cleared her throat and made her way out into the lobby.

As she entered, Tamara gave Lucy a soft smile that quickly dropped when she saw Lucy's red eyes. Tamara quickly dropped the conversation with the guy she was talking to and made her way over towards Lucy.

"Hey, you okay?" Tamara asked, concern lacing her voice.

Lucy looked around, trying to find Sara, the ADA she was supposed to be talking to. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." She waved her hand, dismissing Tamara.

Tamara could see the whirlwind of emotions in Lucy's eyes, but she didn't want to push her, knowing she'd already be going through a lot. Tamara nodded and squeezed Lucy's hand, letting her know she was here with her and was not alone during this difficult time. Just as Tamara was fixing to speak, she saw Chris quickly approaching them.

"Hi," Chris said, a little worriness written on his face.

"Hey, do you know where Sarah is? I'm here for trial prep."

Chris cleared his throat, his face a little paler than usual. "Umm, she is out sick today, and they asked me to step in. But it seems awkward, given our relationship. We can reschedule if you'd like?"

"Uhh, no, it's okay. We're professionals. We'll just be discussing the details of the case." Lucy said, stumbling over her words a little.

"Okay then, follow me."

Lucy turned to look at Tamara, a little bit of worry on her face. Tamara squeezed her shoulder and gave her a reassuring smile. Lucy nodded and followed Chris to a conference room.

They sat across from each other, an awkward silence filling the room as Chris pulled out the files from his briefcase.

He cleared his throat. "Alright, let's get started. Did you ever hear Caleb talking to Rosalind on the phone?"

"Mm, no." Lucy's eyes cast down at the photos sitting in front of her.

"Did he talk about her as if they were communicating?"

Lucy took a deep breath before answering, her eyes now meeting Chris's "No."

"So, how do you know he was working with her?"

Lucy chuckled disbeliefly. "B-because she told me herself when I visited her in prison. She repeated the song I sang in the barrel. How would she know that if she and Caleb weren't communicating?"

Chris's voice faded into the background as she looked back at the photos, resurfacing memories of that day—memories of her tattoo, getting into the barrel, and trying to fight her way out.

"Lucy, I just want you to be ready."

She finally snapped out of it. "I'm familiar with the concept of trial prep." A hint of anger in her voice.

"I know," Chris said softly. "Uhh, how about we take a break?"

"Yeah," Lucy said, a little softer this time.

They left the conference room and made their way to the break room, where Tamara and her new friend were hanging out.

"I was wondering where you went," Lucy said as she entered the room, a smile forming.

"Two watered-down coffees coming up," Chris said in the background.

"How's it going?" Tamara asked.

"Uhh, great."

"This is Austin. He's saving the planet."

"It's Good to know someone is trying to. You can go; you don't have to stay here."

"Mmm, I don't know. I'm finding this whole law thing fascinating." Tamara said, trying to convince Lucy.

Lucy can see right through her, a knowing smirk appearing. "Uh-huh. And what exactly is so interesting?" She chuckled.

Before Tamara can answer, Lucy's face drops, tears forming in her eyes. Tamara's face turns into confusion, wondering what suddenly made Lucy's mood drop. She raises an eyebrow at Lucy, waiting for her to say something. Lucy turns around as Chris continues singing the song she sang in the barrel. Lucy hears Tamara ask if she's okay but doesn't answer. Her breathing picks up, a million questions going through her head.

Chris's face immediately drops at the realization, and he quickly turns to face Lucy. "I—I am so sorry. It was stuck in my head, and I wasn't thinking. It was thoughtless and stupid, and I'm sorry."

Tamara and Austin quickly exit the break room, and she quickly whips out her phone to call Tim. She wasn't sure what to say to him but knew Lucy needed his support for the rest of this trial prep.

"The- the uhh song was stuck in your head because you've, you've seen the video." Lucy's voice was shaky, trying to keep her tears from falling.

"Well, yeah. It's evidence."

"Ri-right. No, of course, you did. You're in the D.A.'s office, and it's evidence, so… you've…" Lucy's voice cracked, tears threatening to spill at any moment.

"Look, I should have told you I'd seen it. I'm sorry." Chris said as he walked towards Lucy.

Lucy stepped back as he approached her, making him stop in his tracks. "No, you said that part already." Lucy swallowed thickly. "Umm, I, I just need a minute."

"Lucy, please-'

Before he could say anything else, Lucy raised her hands. " Please, can you…" She stopped, unable to say anything else as her throat became tighter from holding back her tears.

Chris nodded and whispered a yeah as he walked out and closed the door. Lucy paced the floor, groaning and breathing heavily. She couldn't believe Chris would be so careless about singing a song that once brought her joy and now brings back her worst nightmares. She sat on the couch, her head in her hands, lightly pulling on her hair to relieve some tension.

After being in the break room for a while, Lucy lifted her head as a knock formed on the door. Tamara softly opened the door, her face falling when she saw the tears staining Lucy's cheeks. "Sorry to interrupt, but Chris just wanted to know if you were ready to continue."

Lucy wiped her face with her sleeves. "Yeah, I'll be out in a moment."

"Okay," Tamara whispered as she shut the door.

Lucy took a deep breath and stood up from the couch, fixing her clothes as she went to the door. She turned the knob and took one more deep breath before opening it and making her way back to the conference room. When she entered, Chris was already in there waiting for her. As he heard her walk in, he quickly put his pen down and stood up.

"Again, I am so-"

"Sorry. Yeah, I know." Lucy said, not wanting to hear another apology from him.

She reached the other side of the table and pulled out her chair. "Umm," She cleared her throat. "I- I need you to do something for me."

"Yeah, anything."

"I need to see the video."

The barrel video?"

"Yeah. You've seen it; half the lawyers in this building have seen it, and I haven't."

Chris took a deep breath. "Lucy, it's… It's incredibly hard to watch."

"I need to see it." She said with a more demanding tone.

Chris nodded his head and turned toward his briefcase. Pulling out his laptop, he opened it up and clicked the mouse several times before placing it in front of Lucy.

"Should I stay or…"

"Mnh-mnh, no. Umm, thank you."

Chris made his way towards the door and opened it, looking back at Lucy before leaving.

Lucy's hand hovered over the mouse momentarily before a knock interrupted her. She quickly moved her hand away from the laptop and looked up to see Tim opening the door. She pulled her eyebrows together, wondering why he was there.

She quickly stood up from her chair. "What are you doing here? You're supposed to be at work."

"Tamara called and said you were upset, and she wasn't sure why. She was worried about you." He said, a look of concern on his face.

"I'm fine. She shouldn't have called you." A defensive tone laced in her voice.

Tim cocked his head. "Clearly you're not fine. I can see the redness in your eyes. You've been crying. Tell me what's going on." He pleaded as he made his way to Lucy, standing before her.

She looked down at her hands as she fiddled with her fingers. "I-I… Chris started singing the song I sang in the barrel as we took a break. He said it slipped his mind. I-I just hadn't put two and two together that he and probably every lawyer here has seen the video."

"Excuse me?" Tim questioned with disgust in his voice.

"He apologized already. Don't go all Tim on him."

"I should give that prick a piece of my mind. How do you let something like that slip your mind?"

Lucy could feel the anger radiating from Tim's body. She sat down in the chair facing the laptop as he paced the room momentarily, trying to keep from walking out the door and causing a scene.

After a moment of calming himself down, he looked over at Lucy. "What are you doing?"

"I need to watch the video."

"Video of what?"

"Of me in the barrel." She whispered.

Tim made his way over to the chair next to her. He spun her chair to face him. "Are you sure you want to do that?" He asked, grabbing her hands.

Lucy looked into his eyes, so he knew she was serious. "Yeah, I am."

"Do you want me to stay?"

"Will you?"

A small smile formed on Tim's face. "Of course I will."

Lucy took a deep breath and turned back to face the laptop, her hand hovering over the mouse. She looked at Tim, who nodded, letting her know he was ready. With one more deep breath, Lucy played the video.

It started playing, and the sound of her fist slamming against the barrel startled her. Tim quickly placed his hand on her shoulder, squeezing it to let her know she was safe. Lucy couldn't sit still. Her hand lightly scratched her forehead, kept moving her hair out of her face, and finally, her finger rested on her top lip, rubbing it back and forth. As she closes her eyes, the video continues to play in the background. She bounces her leg, her anxiety becoming heavier as the video plays. A single tear slips down her cheek. Tim looks over at her, bringing his hand up to wipe her tear away. This makes her break down into a full-on sob. He quickly wraps her into his embrace, rocking her back and forth and whispering that she's safe and he's here. He's doing anything and everything to get her to calm down. His heart breaks for her, hating that she put herself through this, but he also knows she had her reasons and won't ever question why.

Long after the video ends, Lucy finally calms down enough to pull back from Tim's embrace. She stares at her feet while he looks directly at her, waiting for her to speak.

"Thank you." She finally croaks.

Tim placed his hand under her chin, lifting her head to look at him. Her red and puffy eyes finally met his. "I am always going to be here for you. No matter what."

"I know," Lucy replied with a small smile. "Umm, I don't want to testify anymore. I don't want to keep reliving that day over and over again. I want to leave it where it belongs, in the past."

Tim nodded, shut the laptop, and grabbed Lucy's hand. "Then you don't have to testify. No one is going to think less of you. Now, come on, let's get out of here."

They made their way to the door, Tim opening it to let Lucy out first. Tamara turned around at the sound of the door opening, happy to see Tim bringing out a happier-looking Lucy.

"Everything okay?" Tamara asked.

"Yeah, it will be," she said with a smile. She turned to look at Chris. "I've decided I don't want to testify."

"Understandable." He nodded.

"I've been trying to prove how strong I am, but… I survived that. I don't have anything to prove." Tamara walked over to Lucy's side and hugged her.

"You don't have to explain yourself. We have enough evidence to convict her without you. I promise."

With that, Lucy, Tamara, and Tim walked toward the elevator and left. Leaving everything behind and never looking back at this day again.

[renegadesfic]

i said this on my main blog but i have Opinions on sonetto's character growth already thru just the first 4 chapters so here are some of my thoughts.

first of all, despite everything we learn about her and vertin's history in chapter 3, sonetto treats her at the start of canon not even as an equal but as someone to be revered. this makes sense because vertin is the timekeeper, which is a highly respected position, but i think it goes beyond that. it seems like sonetto has barely interacted with vertin since what happened at the end of the flashbacks in chapter 3 - she acts like she barely knows her. to me that makes it feel like she hasn't been closely interacting with her in a while, probably since she became the timekeeper, which means that there's a chance this is one of their first times working together. at this point sonetto is still very focused on the official tasks at hand, trying to deal with the whole regulus thing, focusing on Doing Her Job. this is pre-her being appointed as vertin's assistant so it makes sense that they're working in conjunction with each other instead of sonetto helping her in such a close way.

however. in later chapter 1 and chapter 2, where we really start to see the proper story pick up, sonetto is becoming increasingly connected to the outside world. she befriends sotheby, the first person she's really connected with outside the foundation. the foundation has been her whole life for as long as she can remember, but now she's meeting Real People and making Real Friends. this, naturally, is a Big Deal - this is what starts to turn the gears in her brain that we see finish turning in ch3/ch4, where she goes to bat for vertin directly, going as far as to raise her voice on vertin's behalf. at this point in the story she's finally seeing what vertin wants Everyone to see - that there is so much more to life than serving the foundation.

and then!! sonetto, always following rules, always obeying instructions, is put in a position where the timekeeper Isn't There. she's gone, she's with the manus, and sonetto has to step up as the interim leader of the mission, since she is now the timekeeper's assistant. and she DOES!!! supported by her New Friends!!!! i personally think it would've been extremely difficult for her to make these decisions if she hadn't already been separated from vertin and met sotheby in the forest. already, her personal growth is being spurred on by being outside the foundation in a much freer context.

so not only does sonetto step up, but she makes several crucial decisions, including saving marian. this is a thing i think some people would brush off as just a "protect the peace of mankind" thing but it's more than that to me. right now sonetto is desperately trying to fix the Timekeeper Being Gone situation and she explicitly chooses to find marian, who she knew was being kept somewhere due to the traces of potion, even though there are objectively Bigger Problems. imo this isn't just her following the mantra the foundation promotes, it is also showing that she has already started to Really care about people outside of the main mission and goal at hand. she doesn't need to do that, she could just help the timekeeper get out, but she feels an obligation to not just the foundation's stated ideal of helping the people but to her own developing moral compass, her desire to protect people vertin considers important. that is crucial because we establish very early that vertin considers Everyone important, hence the photo wall and all the memorial stuff she shows regulus. so sonetto saves marian, jeopardizes her own safety, to follow her idea of what the foundation's motto should mean, instead of acting as if the mission is the only thing that matters. she's developing her own view of what protecting the peace means.

and then the end of chapter 2. sotheby, sonetto's first real friend outside the foundation walls, loses her caretaker, the person who was tasked with her safety. she is so far in over her head and instead of sticking with vertin, keeping her head down until the storm is done, and holding herself in place, she goes to comfort her. not for the first time, she leaves vertin's side - in this case the seat next to her at the table - and goes to the other side of the table to sit with sotheby and comfort her. this is representative of more than just her desire to comfort her friends - her leaving vertin's side at the table is a metaphor for her slowly peeling herself away from the rigid conformity the foundation has forced on everyone in it, choosing to stand on her own with the friends she has made in the Real World.

and then, of course, sonetto goes back to the foundation, realizes people are fucking with vertin, and gets Mad. sonetto is notable for being extremely passive unless she's protecting the timekeeper, but this goes well beyond that. in this case she is not standing up for vertin against critters or the manus - she's standing up for her against the people she's listened to without exception for her entire life so far. and she's doing it for vertin, because vertin is not just her boss, she's her Friend, and sonetto Takes Care Of Her Friends. so for probably one of the first times in her entire life sonetto raises her voice at someone in charge of her. she shows resistance against the people who she thinks are hurting vertin, and who she thinks are hurting the rest of the friends she's made.

at the very end of chapter 4, sonetto seems like she wants to say something about everything that's happened, but chooses not to. i have a feeling that she's not making that choice because she doesn't value her contribution. i think she's making that choice because whatever she was going to say was something she thought constantine wouldn't like. and she's starting to understand the concept of going behind someone's back to do things that are really important.

[eerna]

okay wait actually now that we're on the book-series-strengths-and-shortcomings-train what do you love most about tlt and tlc? (multiple answers bonus)

HOHO A COMBO

TLC: 1) Friendship not being secondary to romance!! The series' main theme is love. In the grand finale the big bad taunts the MC about love... but she doesn't use her boyfriend, no, she uses her best friend. This is made even more powerful because by all means, the best friend was meant to be the secondary love interest by all rules of 2012 YA, but NO he is JUST A FRIEND and it is not treated as "something less". 2) Team building!!!! Oh my god!!!! Building onto point 1, but it needs its own point. Rarely does a fictional team of main characters feel as natural as the Rampion Crew. This is even more impressive because the 9 of them don't appear in the same room until the end of the series. Even though the team consists of 4 couples and 1 single, everyone has a dynamic with everyone, they have arcs that aren't tied exclusively to their partner but also someone else on the team, they interact with each other freely. 3) The wide range of characters! I am a sucker for a "team of girls totally different from each other saves the world" setup, and TLC does it perfectly. I think this is one of the best YA series out there because of how much it empowers different kinds of girls. The guys are also easy to tell apart even at first read, and I sooo appreciate that at least one of them isn't conventionally attractive (anymore). 4) It's so funny. I love these books and how funny they are. They hit the perfect balance between a fun teen adventure and a heartfelt emotional story. 5) This is one of the least "Here's what REALLY happened" series I've read. A bunch of times major things influence characters' thoughts and opinions, but those things are fake and never revealed as fake, OR the characters never learn some big things that could change their opinions at all. Seeing how impacted Winter was when she realized Levana truly loved her father, when I KNOW what really happened, always shakes me to my core - and Winter never learns the truth!!! Everyone who could explain what really happened is dead!! Winter will forever go on thinking at least her father had a marriage of love!!! And why should she learn the truth, really, it would only serve as yet another sad plot twist that traumatizes her even deeper. 6) Levana. I am not usually a villain girlie, but Levana absolutely slaps. She is simultaneously disgusting, horrible, and pitiful. Usually if I like the villain it's because he has something smart to say, but Levana doesn't, I can't relate to her or see things from her perspective... But the leads can! Levana seems to carry all the trauma and complexes of our leads, but she crumbled under them, showing Cinder what she might have become if not for her loved ones.

TLT: 1) Isn't afraid of people not getting it!! Do you understand how refreshing this is to see in a mainstream popular series??? The book doesn't act like you are an idiot, it acts like you are some sort of a genius, and you feel illiterate until you realize NO ONE got it the first time around and you're gonna have to do lots of rereading and thinking to get it. This makes it impossible to get into for some people, but so what. So what!!! What matters is that it rewards those who stay and put in the work!! 2) Absolutely bonkers insane relationships. No one can be "just a friend" in these, we need 1000 different layers of trauma and tenderness surrounding everyone. 3) Pathetic women. These books are the epitome of all the worst parts of yourself laid bare. These characters act out the most shameful, horrible memories and impulses of your heart, all the while spouting poetics about the entire situation. And it is pure catharsis!! It is so rare to see female characters depicted this pathetic without it being torture porn. 4) Writing style. It's the perfect example of how realism doesn't matter if you're good with your words. No one in these books talks like a real life person, but they are all distinct from each other and filled with personality. Every book has several lines that have the power to reduce me a to a sobbing mess just from hearing them. Just. The writing style is so good that I even enjoy reading INTERVIEWS with the author, she has a way of speaking that keeps you engaged and makes her sound so smart. 5) Each book is its own thing, keeping you on your toes, but they all still feel cohesive. It also means that even if the final book sucks, I won't have any hangups about it, since I will just be able to reread the first 3. Honestly even if AtN never comes out, I won't feel like I wasted any time, because the books are so fantastic and so worth reading that the end of the journey doesn't even matter to me that much - and if you've been here a while, you'll know what a radical statement that is for me. It is so nice to relax and enjoy the ride instead of stressing over my thoughts and opinions aging badly.

[basmathgirl]

You were sitting out in your garden and writing fanfiction?👀 I’m definitely looking forward to new basmathgirl stories. Yay! 🥳

On another note, I want to ask you about two details concerning the newest Doctor Who episode “Rogue”.

First off, one thing which confused me quite a bit, is the fact that the Doctor wasn't willing to take Ruby's place in the trap, like Rogue did (or did he not realize he could do that?). If memory serves me right, in the past the Doctor was willing to sacrifice himself/herself to save a companion, a planet or even strangers (e.g. Forest of the Dead) multiple times. I know we can't lose our main character, but why did it seem he accepted Ruby's fate so easily? Maybe I misunderstood the scene?

The other issue concerns the Doctor’s comment about Ruby being his best friend. I don’t have a problem with this statement overall, because every Doctor said about the current companion that they were their best friend. Therefore I certainly don’t think that there should only be one particular person (as for instance Donna) who is entitled to be called the Doctor’s “best friend”. And overall I’m a big fan of Ruby. She is one of the companions who won me over the fastest. However as a viewer and given the episodes we’ve got so far, I didn’t believe the claim that they are best friends. Friends surely! But I didn’t feel the deep connection the show wanted me to feel, when the Doctor said it and when they showed the flashback of him talking to Carla. I believe the Doctor and Ruby feel that they are each other’s best friends, but it doesn’t feel that way for me. So after all this babbling, I think I want to know if I’m alone with this impression?

Hello kind Anon

It's a pretty grey day here, threatening rain, but this time last week it was gloriously sunny so I made the most of it. Have notebook, will travel, whilest writing fanfiction.

Thank you for the anticipation! You gladden my heart. 😘

Right, back to the question. Rogue. I rewatched it again before answering this because there's always something about an episode that I miss. I think the key scene is the flashback to the Doctor promising Ruby's mum, Carla he'd keep her safe. If he sacrificed himself, how would Ruby get back home? He may have called her his best friend but does the Tardis accept that. I mean, he could have set up the HADS system to return her home, but we don't know for sure. Plus, he was holding the button to the transmat device, so would it work if he attempted to take Ruby's place? Lots of questions to ask here. All we know is that he hesitated a long time to make the final decision, forcing Rogue to do so for him.

As you say, if you don't take his tears into consideration, you'd be hard pushed not to think he was accepting Ruby's fate quite easily. A lot of the drama in this season seems to pivot on the push of a pressure button. Strange that.

Ah, the 'best friend' statement. Miles too soon to make such a claim; I completely agree. They may think it but I was left thinking 'When did that all happen?!' It all feels a bit false, to be honest.

Like Ruby's accent, which definitely isn't a London one. Why haven't we had an explanation for the geographical move? What life experiences has she had so that we can believe she understands the Doctor? If she constantly volunteered at a homeless shelter, say, than I'd believe it more. Carla's numerous foster children were mentioned, so I can easily believe she can cope with small children and babies. But otherwise, someone only 19 would not have that maturity to do what the script claims she can. I'd expect her to ask a heck of a lot more questions.

We've been told that the Doctor has had his trauma therapy, so why is he reverting back to having just a youthful, eager companion who wants nothing more than fun, like the Nineth Doctor did with Rose Tyler? There should be more depth to it. And so far I hardly know any more about Ruby (from the Christmas special) beyond she has Joe90 earrings and goes to The Spinning Wheel with her mates.

Incidentally, it's a bit of a stretch for RTD to make it the same place Jackie Tyler went to, since Jackie lived the other side of London to Ruby [Jackie's postcode was Peckham and Ruby claims she is in Notting Hill]; but then his maths was never that good.

Back to the point....

"the Doctor and Ruby feel that they are each other’s best friends, but it doesn’t feel that way for me"

no, you are not the only person with this impression. I actualy exclaimed, "Since when?!" when it was said.

Hopefully Saturday's episode will help dispel that feeling? Then again, it'll probably end on a massive cliffhanger, and we'll be none the wiser.

If Triad Technologies end up as having cloned Rose Tyler or some other companion hybrid in a laboratory, I won't be at all surprised. Disgusted maybe, but not surprised.

We can only wait and see.

[sennenpharaoh]

It was a quiet walk home. It was a quiet and long walk home.

Between navigating his way home through the map on his phone and figuring out how roads and pathways worked in the Modern World, he had no time to process all that has happened. That, and he dare not show anything here in the wide open public. At least the traffic and sounds of the outside world could drown it out for the time being.

Once he was inside and the door shut... everything was quiet. The only sound hear loud and clear was the ticking of the clock on the wall. He didn't bother to remove his jacket or take off his shoes, instead immediately walking to his room... right next to his studio... where his eyes met the painting.

It was a spur of the moment capture, a way for him to express what he was feeling right then and there when asked about Roy. Roy... a friend that he made without any help. A friend he made because of Atem, not just because he was Yugi's friend first. A friend who wanted to get to know the present Atem, not Pharaoh Atem. Someone he wanted to get to know more and more and possibly become closer and closer.

Even though at the end... it will all have to go away. This wasn't Roy's home, this wasn't his world. Eventually... he will have to go back home. Away from him.

"...Atem... If I leave... then I won't get to see you anymore."

"I know." He whispered, answering back to a silent thought as he just stared at the painting.

"Do you... really want that?"

"It doesn't matter what I want. Being selfish serves no one and that's..." He could feel his voice begin to catch in his throat and his eyes well up. Had he been in the presence of Roy he'd swallow it down like he had done already earlier but now... with the luxury of privacy, he can let it out however his body wanted to.

"...that's not fair to you. That's not fair to anyone. It's not right."

It tore him up when he heard Roy seemingly beg and plead for Atem to not leave him.

"I'm scared that I'm going to lose something no matter what I do... I'm going to lose you."

But what struck him the most was when Roy grabbed him by the arm. One thing that Atem valued highly, his "love language" one might say...

Touch.

"Please don't go..."

"Why did you say that?" He brought his arm close to his chest, not even realizing (or caring) that tears were freely running down his face at this point. There was no one to see him, just as he wanted. "Why put me above the others? Why was I the only one who saw the bigger picture?" He had to take in a breath as his voice choked up again. "No matter how you say it, the ending is the same. How we feel is irrelevant. How I feel is..."

He trailed off, just looking at the painting through blurred vision. All that was going through his mind was the memories he had made with Roy already. Going to the lounge, spending time at the park late night, even the rush of feelings that led to creating that painting. That right there was proof of his feelings. They were right there.

"No... I can't be selfish." He felt himself tremble a little, knowing exactly what that endgame would mean. No more nights together, no more random talks at the park. No more Roy. Falling to his knees, he tried to fight the one feeling he didn't dare admit. "I can't keep you here, this isn't your home! As much as I want you to stay, as much as I don't want you to go..." His eyes widened as soon as he heard the words come out of his mouth.

He didn't want Roy to leave him. He wanted Roy to stay.

"No. No. No no no no no no no. Why did I..." He couldn't fight it anymore. He could barely keep it in front of Roy, why hold back now? He said it. It was an ugly thought, a selfish thought, an honest thought, but he said it. Wrapping his arms around himself he layed on the floor, tears flowing nonstop at this point and his voice just choked up.

"No... it shouldn't matter what I want! Asking you to stay is selfish! This isn't your home! This isn't fair to them! Just because I want you to stay it... it shouldn't matter! My feelings... shouldn't matter. My feelings..."

He couldn't finish it. He knew exactly what he was feeling. He didn't want Roy to leave. He wanted Roy to stay here, with him. He knew how ugly, horrible, and selfish these feelings and emotions were, and he hated it.

But they were there.

As he just curled up and cried quietly to himself, Roy's words rang again in his mind.

"I'm scared that I'm going to lose something no matter what I do... I'm going to lose you."

"So am I, Roy." He whispered as much as his sobs would let him. "So am I."

[aegonbeingfakeisracist]

hi!

Can you talk more about Arianne and Daemon ? Seriously they are my favorite couple I even have a headcanon that Arianne will be pregnant with Daemon I mean it's more a parallel with Asha's possible pregnancy (pairs between Martells and greyjoys) and Daemons are so fertile hahahaha (Daemon Targaryan Daemon Blackfire) even begin another family but Martin chose the same name and Daemon Sand's father has twins in addition to him...

Anyway I don't see any chance of marriage/ engagement or Arianne's love interest in Aegon it just won't be happening,I see them having a friendship relationship and a strengthening of the family bond , with Ari being a guide for his cousin ( so much potential). This is a bullshit she doesn't want to be queen but Dorne anda her father love. I just want Arianne to be able to be happy white someone who respects her and see her more than just a pretty body and face, and Daemon strikes me as perfect.

I really don't want Arianne to be pregnant because it seems to me like needless drama and just all around bad timing – she's serving as an envoy. There's a war going on. And I feel like her words to Elia kind of apply to her, as well – kiss all the boys you want when you're home in Dorne, but this is so not the time. Sure, she propositions Daemon, but she didn't actually sleep with him. Also, Arianne canonically uses moon tea for birth control. So I'm hopeful there will be no baby unless she lives to the end of the series.

But I think her relationship with Daemon is just so unique in terms of all the relationships we see in the series – they were children doing this entirely on their terms. They were the same age. They just liked each other, and so engaged in a relationship without fear over consequences.

I think in recent years, there's been a weird rise in people forgetting that tropes are tools and not fundamentally good or bad. One of the ways this manifests in particular is hating "childhood friends to lovers" or people winding up with their first love. I don't have hard stances on the kind of relationships in fiction I find interesting or boring. Mostly for me, it's contextual – what is compelling in ASOIAF to me is not the same as what's compelling in another work. And while I certainly agree that there are situations in which a childhood friends to lovers angle may be boring, I think in the ASOIAF context, Arianne and Daemon's childhood sweethearts angle is actually extremely compelling.

For a start, this isn't a people-staying-with-their-middle school-boyfriend-forever scenario. It's the fact Arianne and Daemon had a relationship, broke up, lived near a decade having separate lives with Arianne certainly having other relationships and Daemon probably also doing the same, and are potentially coming back together.

For another, I really, really like what Arianne/Daemon would mean for Arianne as a character. I've said before that she's my favourite ASOIAF character. But even outside of my own personal bias, think about the type of fics that get written about her. It's hard to identify this for certain, because AO3 tagging is just so messy, and navigating through Arianne's tag is a lost cause, but mostly, fic!Arianne is just three sliders of stupidity, horniness, and ambition. Which is just so, so not book Arianne, at all.

Arianne is unique amongst the most important female characters of ASOIAF. She's is not the heir presumptive, she's the heir apparent. Dorne will be hers. And she is a descendant of Nymeria, the most recent in a long line of rulers of Dorne. Her family is central to Dorne's cultural memory, as it was Nymeria and Mors that turned the collection of states into a unified nation. So unlike, say, the Tyrells or Freys, who determinedly pursue these grand matches in a way of compensating for their relatively recent history, Arianne...doesn't really need to do that? Like, she can just marry a bannerman and it would be totally fine.

Furthermore, Arianne clearly has more rights of refusal than most women, and she is not shy about using them - these are real rights she has. I can imagine her feeling more pressure to accept if offered a candidate that wasn't clearly a joke, but given the setting, this is true for everyone. The fact remains, Arianne has options, and since she's going to be a ruling princess, those options are broad.

But despite all of this, her marital prospects are a huge theme. Doran offers her elderly suitors. Daemon and Drey wanted to marry her. There was an entire marriage pact that no one bothered to tell her about. Arianne intends on bartering her own hand, and thinks about how whoever she weds would rule Dorne by her side.

How does all this connect to Daemon? Because he's a nobody. Okay, sure, that's a little extreme – he's a knight, the son of an important lord, and the former squire of a prince. But even though that is the case, he is still a bastard. His father has at least two legitimate children. This isn't a case like Ellaria, in which the set up makes it extremely reasonable to think that her father's land and title will one day fall to her and her daughters - Daemon will not inherit anything. Meaning if Arianne were to marry him, or even just obviously choose him as her partner without a marriage? It would be for her.

There might be some political benefits, given that Daemon is clearly on good terms with his father, but very indirectly, and not nearly to the extent that would be the case with other marital candidates. It cannot be considered anything resembling a political move. So Arianne choosing Daemon would be her taking control over her life, making the choices she wants, for her. It would be her choosing a Dornish spouse that has ties to her family beyond just her alone. It would be her in a position where she can safely choose to make her life with a person that she loves, that isn't the best political choice.

It would be her choosing someone that is deeply, fundamentally tied to Dorne - not just because he's Dornish, but because he is a bastard, because he was once a child in the Water Gardens, because he attended the feast for Balon Swann and did not drink upon the toast to Tommen. Arianne drank. Doran drank. But Daemon did not. Daemon is clearly still in love with Arianne. There is a reason their relationship was never the same after Doran rejected him for her. He loves her enough to serve as her sworn shield and beg her to allow him to go into a dangerous situation in her place. But he has his own mind, and his own beliefs, and his Dornish identity is a big part of that.

We've seen very little of Daemon. But from what we have, he sees Arianne in a way that few do. Doran didn't understand what was going on with her at all. Arys and Areo both clearly had images of her in their heads that didn't quite align with reality. But Daemon, despite their relationship having never recovered fully and despite Doran being so much like Arianne that one would really think he should understand her more than he does, gets her more than anyone else. He understands the strained relationship with Quentyn and that Arianne maybe isn't so desperate to have her little brother return. He sees bits of Arianne in Elia. He literally finishes some of her sentences.

Of all the people Arianne could ever engage in a relationship with, I think Daemon, more than any other character, represents her making her own choices and coming into her own as the ruling princess of Dorne.

[johnwickb1tsch]

Rambling time again because-✨ late night thoughts ✨

So with each new chapter of bittersweet, (and the tex+john collab, which I could also ramble on for hours probably 😂) it's becoming more and more clear that John and the reader's relationship is currently like a stretched out elastic band. They're both very clear on what they want, they're both very stubborn about it, and aside from little sweet moments - or not so sweet moments 😏- here and there, they're basically getting pushed to the limits of their patience and sanity.

And it especially struck me with John, because let's be honest- The man is terrified of letting us go, letting our leash go in a metaphorical sense, in terms of something getting our of his control. It makes absolute sense with the life he lived, and especially with the amount of people he lost, Helen being the most relevant. Despite working for Ruska Roma and serving the Director during his early life, John has been in control for the most of his existence. He usually stays very cool and controlled from an outsider's view, but someone like Winston can easily see through him, and knows that he's anything but. He's calm, sure, but he's also impatient when it comes to things, hotheaded even if you look at the second movie - or any of them really - and what he did to Santino (who fucking deserved it, and I wanted to tap-dance on his corpse 😂). He's stubborn as a mule, and most importantly, he's not afraid to break the rules. Ever. Due to his skills, there really isn't many people who could hold his responsible if he does happen to break the rules either, and this also plays hand in hand with the fact that he was born and raised a morally dark/grey character. While all of this helps him a lot because he's practically unstoppable if he puts his mind to something, it also means that he is irrational, maybe even slightly delusional.

Have I mentioned that he's also very emotionally driven??? Look at him during the first 2 movies. The man went fucking bat-shit-crazy after people NOT disturbed him, but disrespected his late wife's memory, and pretty much ripped everything away from him that still tied him to Helen, - aside from their memories and his feelings - the very person who prompted this emotionally driven action from him to actually get out out of the life he once lived.

So now.. We have this extremely stubborn, and also extremely emotionally attached person, who lost pretty much everyone close to him, and is in fact very much so aware that his reputation means a death-sentence to pretty much anyone who interacts with him, INCLUDING little ol' us. So on a basic level, he is rightfully cautious and terrified, because people will not stop to consider whether they're bringing an innocent into this or not, they just want leverage over him.

This, combined with the fact that we, the reader, are also extremely stubborn (too), with a great amount of self-respect, an incredible display of self-esteem, and a set of although grey, but also pretty strict moral code, - where the lines do blur here and there depending on who does what, and why they do it - which he LOVES, however it also means that we're unpredictable. Attracted to him? Sure. Emotionally attached to him? Absolutely. But we're a strong individual and a free spirit, and that definitely made him doubt whether we would stay with him early on, (jealous!John intensifies 🤤) and is in fact actively making his paranoid that if he slips up, let's his defenses down, or maybe even becomes more lenient, we might be able to just slip out of his grasp, not that he'd ever allow it of course.

Buuuuuuuuuut- All of this is playing against him, against both of us really. While we might be able to get some kind of leverage over him the more he reveals, and the more time we spend learning the game, if there is to be a genuine relationship in the future like he wants there to be, like both of us want there to be really, he's doing this the wrong way, because he's basically trying to force it on us, and cage a free bird, thus the elastic band being stretched. And as we know, you can stretch an elastic band quite far, maybe even past it's limits sometimes, but at the end of the day, it will rip and it will snap back three times as hard, which is what I imagine will happen. Maybe not today, or not even tomorrow, but there is a limit to everything, including the patience of both characters, not to mention that John is already showing the signs of being tired with our constant stubbornness, (latest chapter 🤤) and if say.. He were to snap instead of us, it may very well snap us out of our helpless emotional state, in case he maybe were to overstep a line that he definitely shouldn't have.

Same goes for the reader. Poor girl is extremely strong, so, so strong, with an incredible sense of self-worth but there is a limit to that as well. She still hasn't quite processed that her family and friends practically abandoned her, and it's not like John's back and forth, their little cat and mouse games, or being punished for not behaving a certain way - which makes John an absolute hypocrite because unless he wants to change our personality completely, he should not be punishing us for showing signs of what he fell in love with, of who he fell in love with in the first place - are helping.. So honestly- I await whatever you have in store for us because it is going to be WILD.

Spooooky! LOL once again I have to ask if you've been rummaging in my WIP??? 😂 You make so many excellent points!

Especially that John's excessive enemies would definitely fuel his paranoia for keeping this girl under lock and key, after EVERYTHING he's lost. 🎡🏹 It's like it's just not enough to be John Fucking Wick. These idiots keep testing him, even though they should absolutely fucking know he's going to kill them all in the end. BUT that doesn't help you if you're the collateral damage...

AND he IS such a hypocrite because of course he fell in love with her for her independent nature, but he wants to be the one to bring her to heel, for his own peace of mind? I think she's into it to a point because she's never really met anyone who could do it (and still retain her love). It's new and mysterious but once the shine wears off and she gets her feet (because shit what are we on? Like day 2? 3? He's going to find out how stubborn she can really be. You're right, something's going to snap.