#if not id be really grateful if someone could help me with them

[gerandor]

He looks at his wrist, at the leather bracelet and the wooden cross with the crucified Jesus on it digging into his skin. It’s the only worthless piece of jewelry he ever wore, Lalo kept teasing him about it. Called him mi Jesúsito personal as Lalo went down on him. Asked if he had been sent from Heaven to absolve him as he fucked him. Told him Jesus was a pawn, a decoy, a sacrifice as he devoured him; but his Nachito was better than that, wasn’t he? So why don’t you just take it off?

The bracelet was a gift from his father; it didn’t have any meaning beyond the comfort and the sense of calm it brought him. Nacho told Lalo he got it from the corpse of a man he strangled to death who wouldn’t just shut up during sex. Lalo laughed, took his words for it as he always did and called him mi paraíso lindo as he plowed him.

[pretzel-box]

PROLOGUE: WELCOME TO URBANSHADE

Word count: 3,3k

Tags: GN!reader, Graphic mention of surgery and experiments on a human body

Summary: You get hired by Urbanshade, thanks to your father, but every start has its obstacles. And some obstacles might feel deeper than they should be.

The time on the wall clock showed it was just a few minutes past noon. Warm sunlight gently crept into the waiting room through the tall panoramic windows of the building. A quick glance to the side, catching a glimpse of the clock, was enough to tell you that it would still be a few moments before it was time to move from the comfort of the leather chair you were currently sitting on. Your freshly disinfected hands clung nervously to your phone as you swiftly scrolled through the list of contacts you had saved over time. You were so focused that it startled you slightly when another caller ID popped up on the bright screen, displaying the picture of your father's face.

This particular man had called you a lot lately, sticking his nose into your business after you dared to ask him for a tiny favor, hoping he would help since you are his beloved only child. But one thing you didn't expect from him at that specific moment was that he would take the opportunity to call you, considering that he was somewhere on the ocean.

He works as a high-class businessman, primarily sponsoring a company called Urbanshade. You didn't know much about them, but your dad mentioned something about how they specialize in underwater mining with some high-tech inventions. This explained his temporary stay on one of Urbanshade's ships, where they were testing and showcasing another new underwater mining robot of some sort, called Trenchbleeder. Your dad had funded the whole project over the past few months, so he was more than excited to see how his money was being put to good use.

"Did they call you yet?" Despite the slight static, the seagulls, and the waves in the background, you could make out the strict tone in his voice. Of course, he was curious. You had asked your dad if he knew someone who would hire you, his child. And naturally, the first thing he applied you for was a position at one of Urbanshade's research facilities. They weren't really looking for new employees in the first place, but your dad was very close to the higher-ups, so he bought the job for you. The fact that he paid the company to hire you made your stomach twist in discomfort, but it was too late to turn back and say no. "I risked a lot by doing that for you."

He referred to the payment he had made on your behalf, and you could feel the pressure he had placed on your shoulders.

You nodded, even though your dad couldn't see it over the phone. "I'm at their building, sitting in the waiting room. We're signing the contract today." You tried to sound confident, but you knew your dad could see right through your facade. "They should be calling me into the office soon."

Your name was called loudly through the room before your dad could reply, and he would probably have given you another warning not to mess it up for his reputation's sake. "Sorry, Dad, it's time."

You ended the call with a swift push of the red button, putting your phone on mute so nothing would distract you during the meeting with one of the higher-ups at Urbanshade. The lady at the reception told you where to go, and another employee guided you to a glass room, where a middle-aged man in an expensive-looking suit was seated. His arms were crossed, and the way he scanned your application papers made your stomach turn.

The man must have noticed your little stare from the other side of the glass wall because he looked up from the file, and it wasn't hard to miss the coy smile on his lips. The previous expression on his face was quickly replaced with a more welcoming one. "Ah, we finally meet. Your father has already told me a good deal about you."

"I am grateful for the opportunity to work for your company, Mr. Wiltshire." First impressions count, especially at a company like Urbanshade. So you took the opportunity to present yourself in the best possible light, even if it meant pretending to be something you're not—in this case, motivated and interested. Your hand almost raised itself to offer a polite and respectful handshake.

"I assure you, we are the ones who are honored to welcome you to our team. Welcome to Urbanshade."

A few months passed after Urbanshade recruited you, and it didn't take long for you to get the hang of all the small details involved in your job at the luxurious office—details like how the overpriced coffee machine worked, how to sort the endless stacks of paper files, and even how to avoid getting on your new boss's bad side. At this point, you'd even admit it feels like being a well-paid version of an intern since your higher-ups only trusted you with minor tasks so far.

Despite the simplicity and comfort of the tasks, you volunteered more than once for harder assignments, showing your most motivated side in the hope of getting a little more action in your otherwise boring life. But every single time, Mr. Wiltshire blocked you off with a polite smile and a shake of his head. "You're not ready yet."

It was frustrating; you felt there was more behind it than just a lack of skills, but you couldn't force your way into the deeper levels of the job without risking ruining it all for yourself.

A high-pitched female voice suddenly pulled you out of your regular daydreams, making you aware that you were indeed not alone at the moment. "Ah, look who's here!" Your black-haired co-worker beamed at you with the fakest smile you had ever seen, making you raise your eyebrow slightly. The action didn't go unnoticed by her, and you could feel her sharp acrylic nails digging uncomfortably into your left shoulder. "Be a sweetheart," she started again, leaning in from behind and speaking directly into your ear, "and take care of my files too, alright?" She no longer tried to hide her snarky tone and instead showed you her true nasty attitude. "We don't want Mr. Wiltshire to see how much you slack off at work, right, hon?" The pain slowly disappeared as she lifted her hand from your shoulder, wiping it off on her expensive business blazer. A glance over your shoulder to meet her gaze was enough.

Her smug smile hit a nerve deep inside you, but you swallowed your newfound anger like the smarter person and just nodded without a word. In the end, it wasn't worth the drama, and maybe you could use the opportunity to score some extra credit points with your boss if he saw you doing some well-executed extra work.

The fake woman left the moment you tried to open your mouth to give her a straightforward answer, leaving you behind like some worthless object in the middle of the office. By this point, it wasn't really offensive to you since you strongly disliked that woman for her weird attitude toward you, and every second without her was surely a good second. After watching her leave and get into the elevator at the end of the hall, you turned around too and slowly made your way to the coffee machine in the plain break room, pouring yourself a nice cup of dark liquid into your favorite mug. You would surely need it if you had to put in some extra hours to get the work done. With newfound motivation, you left the room and headed to your co-worker's personal office.

It was a neat space inside a glass room, furnished with minimalist-style furniture and a nice office chair made of quality leather. Some of the woman's personal items were scattered across the mahogany table, and your lips curled up as you felt the smooth surface of the table, thinking you could earn one of those fancy offices yourself if you worked hard enough.

Then you saw the stack of brown files on the table. It was in an unacceptable, messy state, with paper corners sticking out from all sides and some mysterious stains on the front covers. Yet, the weirdly pleasant smell of cigarettes and old paper hit your nose, filling you with a strange, comforting feeling all over again. Your eyes also didn't fail to notice the bright yellow note on the stack, with a hastily written message in black ink:

"Please sort by Thursday night. Return Z-13 file to higher-up when done."

Reading it gave you a sudden boost of excitement, seeing that there must be an interesting file usually in the hands of higher-ranked people. You didn't question it but rather saw it as an opportunity to dive deeper into the business that Urbanshade conducts, sensing a way to escape the boring intern tasks and join them on the front lines, maybe even leading a mining operation in the exciting underwater world.

Your hands took the small note from the files, discarding it without a care into the bin, assuming your co-worker was aware of it since she knew about the work the files required. It was another simple job of sorting papers and making sure everything was in its place before returning them to the basement archives below the building.

The warm, rich aroma of freshly brewed coffee replaced the smell in the small office as you took a careful sip from your favorite mug. The dark liquid was the only thing keeping you grounded amidst the tension of the day. Your fingers traced the rim of the warm cup absentmindedly as you scanned the chaotic stack of files on the mahogany desk.

Determined to make a good impression by sorting through the files with precision, you placed your mug at the edge of the desk, within easy reach. You started to carefully separate the documents, making piles according to their categories, when your mind began to wander.

You reached for another file, but just as you were about to grab it, your elbow knocked against your mug. Time seemed to slow as you watched in horror as the mug tipped over, spilling hot coffee across the desk. The dark liquid cascaded like a wave, soaking the neatly sorted papers in seconds.

"No, no, no!" you gasped, frantically grabbing at the files, trying to salvage what you could. But it was too late—the coffee had already seeped into most of the pages, leaving large brown stains that spread and blurred the ink in matter of seconds. The once crisp documents were now soggy and wrinkled, some of the text smearing into an illegible mess.

Your heart pounded as you stared at the ruined files. A wave of panic surged through you. These weren’t just any papers; they were official documents, meant to be returned to the higher-ups. And that one file—about something called Z-13—it was supposed to go directly to someone important. You remembered the note and its simple instructions, now crumpled in the waste bin, and felt a sinking dread.

Grabbing a handful of napkins from the small break room drawer, you desperately tried to blot the coffee from the papers, but the evidence of your mistake would be painfully clear, no matter how hard you tried to save the files. The edges of some files were curling up, the ink bleeding out, and some of the pages were beyond saving. The more you wiped, the worse it seemed to get.

You slumped into the leather chair, your hands trembling as you stared at the coffee-stained disaster in front of you. What would Mr. Wiltshire say? Worse, what would your father think if he found out? The pressure to prove yourself, to show that you were capable of handling the job, suddenly felt crushing.

With a deep breath, you tried to calm your racing thoughts. There had to be a way to fix this. Maybe you could reprint the damaged documents, or perhaps there were backups somewhere in the archives. You needed a plan, and fast. But first, you had to get rid of the evidence of your mistake—before anyone saw the mess you had made.

Forcing yourself to think clearly, you carefully gathered the soaked files, praying that you could come up with a solution before anyone found out about the spill. And then you saw it, the important file with big red letters on the cover, slightly drenched in warm coffee. The damage seemed to be at a visible minimum, making you slightly relax despite all the panic in your body.

Your finger traced over the paper cover before picking the file up from the messy table. It was slightly heavy, and as you felt the weight of the file in your hands, a ripple of curiosity surged through you. You hesitated for a moment, wondering what kind of secrets might be concealed within these pages. But the urge to know won out, and you carefully opened the front cover, revealing a neatly typed summary that seemed to offer a glimpse into the contents of the file.

The first thing that caught your eye was a series of police reports, meticulously detailed and organized, each one stamped with the official seal of Urbanshade. They were followed by a set of photographs, their glossy surfaces reflecting the dim light of the room. The first image you saw was a clear mugshot of a young man. His face was striking, not in the sense of beauty, but in the way it conveyed a deep weariness, as if the weight of the world had been pressing down on him for far too long. His dark hair was slightly disheveled, and they censored his eyes, leaving them to your imagination.

His expression was a frown in each of the photos, a look of quiet defiance mixed with something else—something that sent a strange sensation through your chest. It wasn’t pity, exactly, but a deep unease that you couldn’t quite place. There was a coldness in his expression, yet also a flicker of something more, something human and raw, buried beneath the layers of exhaustion and anger.

You turned the page, your fingers brushing over the edges of the police reports that followed. The papers were old, some of them yellowing with age, but the text was still clear. Your eyes skimmed the lines, taking in the grim details of a murder case that had been closed years ago. The words felt heavy, each sentence a stark reminder of the horror that had unfolded.

The reports detailed a series of brutal killings—nine victims in total. The descriptions were uncensored, each one more gruesome than the last. As you read, a chill ran down your spine. The level of violence, the cold, methodical nature of the crimes, it all painted a picture of someone deeply disturbed, someone with a darkness that ran far deeper than you could have imagined.

And there, at the center of it all, was the young man from the photos. His name was typed in bold letters at the top of the report: Sebastian Solace. The name seemed almost ironic—“Solace” suggesting peace or comfort, while the man it belonged to was associated with such unspeakable acts.

You stared at the name for a long moment, trying to reconcile the tired, defiant face in the photos with the monstrous deeds described in the reports. The file mentioned psychological evaluations, interviews, and even some speculation about his motives, but none of it seemed to add up. There was a note in the margin, scrawled in a hurried hand, suggesting that the case was far from closed, despite what the official records stated.

A photo paperclipped to the back of the file caught your attention—a grainy image of a dark, empty room. The caption underneath simply read, „Day of Execution“ The picture showed the electric chair that they used in Solace his execution, but any sign of his presence was missing in it.

Then you turned the pages and the police reports changed into a large series of lab reports, endless lists of medication and a collection of pictures that left you in a nauseous state.

You read and read for what felt like hours, your eyes moving mechanically over the pages as the horrors of Sebastian Solace's life unfolded before you. Each detail seemed more grotesque than the last, painting a picture of a man who had been systematically stripped of his humanity. It wasn’t just the surgeries—those brutal, invasive operations where limbs were removed and reattached like parts of a machine. It was the utter disregard for the person he once was, the complete and total annihilation of his identity, his very soul.

The deeper you delved into the file, the more your hands began to tremble. You could feel your stomach churning as you flipped through page after page of graphic images and cold, clinical reports. The pictures were the worst—high-resolution photographs of Sebastian’s disfigured body, his skin pale and sickly under the harsh fluorescent lights of a laboratory. There were stitches crisscrossing his limbs, metal tools embedded in his flesh like cruel mockeries of life-saving instruments. His eyes—those once defiant, tired eyes—were vacant now, lifeless, as though the man he had once been was already dead.

Your breath hitched as you turned to a page detailing an experiment labeled "Procedure 17-C." The accompanying photograph showed a close-up of Sebastian's chest, where wires and tubes had been inserted into his heart, his blood replaced with a thick, unnatural fluid. The caption beneath it coldly described the experiment’s purpose—to test the viability of synthetic blood in deep-sea environments. The thought of what he had endured, of how much pain and suffering had been inflicted upon him in the name of science, made your vision blur with tears.

You forced yourself to continue reading, even as nausea clawed at your throat. The reports became increasingly more deranged, describing how Sebastian’s body had been treated like a puzzle, dismantled and reassembled in ways that defied all logic and ethics. The word "specimen" appeared frequently, a stark reminder that to his captors, Sebastian was nothing more than a test subject, an object to be used and discarded.

It was around page 35 that you couldn’t take it anymore. You shoved the file aside and staggered to the bin next to you, emptying the contents of your stomach. The bile burned your throat, but the physical pain was nothing compared to the anguish in your heart. You wiped your mouth with the back of your hand, trying to steady your breathing, but the images lingered in your mind, imprinted there like a brand.

Sebastian Solace—the name now felt like a curse, a grim reminder of the horrors that could befall anyone who crossed paths with Urbanshade. And the Hadal Blackside... it was no longer just a place. It was a living nightmare, a twisted abyss where humanity was stripped away,

The weight of the file in your hands felt unbearable as you reluctantly picked it up again, your fingers trembling as you closed the cover. The secrets contained within were like a lead weight on your soul, pressing down on you with an intensity that made it hard to breathe. When you finally set the file back on the table, it was as though you were laying down a burden too great for any one person to bear.

But even as you tried to distance yourself from what you had just read, the haunted eyes of Sebastian Solace refused to leave you. They stayed with you, those hollow, lifeless eyes, staring back at you from the depths of your memory. They were a reminder that in the Hadal Blackside, there were things far more terrifying than the dark waters and the lurking creatures within. There might were men—once human, now monsters—who had been twisted by the same forces that now ensnared you.

You were tangled in their web now, caught in a nightmare from which there was no waking. And as you sat there, in the dim light of that office room, you realized that the true horror wasn’t what had been done to Sebastian. It was the knowledge that, in time, the same fate could await you, if someone found out what you saw.

[jolapeno]

the yearly round up

so, i am not someone who tends to toot their own horn a lot, but i thought i could be forgiven since it's my birthday. if there were a party, i'd maybe give a speech, right? so, instead of talking about myself, i thought id talk about my work and some of my fave things I've written this year and a little bit as to why. for this list, i have not included late night texts purely because i gave it a lot of love on my last secret birthday. and equally, as do me yourself comes to a close during this one, i feel it's having such a hot moment in the sun, i didn't want to bore everyone. also because if you ask me anything about dmy i won't shut the fuck up. to ask anything about these just add an 🍊.

anytime javier p x f!reader

best friends who go to a wedding only to realise they're in love? sounds like jo. this story fell out of me upon seeing a moodboard by /wildemaven and god i love them. i think about them so often and it makes me want to write him like this again. just fun, easy. it helped me find my nerve to tackle him again after a break when LNT finished, so it was nice to hang with him again.

in my room javier p x f!reader

this idea lived in my head for so long, it went through so many variations until we landed on this. i loved writing it because i hadn't written him like this, and how closed off they both were was so much fun. not having a resolved ending was tough to, but it was also really nice?

i like the way you frankie m x f!reader

would it even be a list if i don't include this? it's a work that on the surface might just feel like a lot of fun. and it is, for sure. but also this fic really taught me a lot and helped create a new relationship with sex. i won't bore or dwell on sad things, but even with therapy, a solid and healthy relationship, this fic helped heal some lasting wounds with my relationship with sex. all through the eyes of two friends who were just trying not to confess they loved one another. so very jo.

up sky, low high frankie m x f!reader

im not sure why this man makes me write some incredible smut (IMO, ofc) but he does??? this one wouldn't exist without @morallyinept urging me on, because honestly i wouldn't have had the guts without her convincing me. but, god i think about this fic a lot? i write a lot of lovely romance, but the romance in this with the smut? i never EVER thought id find that balance. and i did, have, yay!

be good, be you joel miller x f!reader

never in a million years did i think this would have been so popular. and that's not why it's on this list. it's on this list because i lived with this fic for weeks. every bit of rain the UK we had, i thought of this. anyone who knows me, knows how much i love bill + frank joel, so this was like giving into an idea that i thought would only live in my head. and now, it's there, and I'm not ashamed to say i re-read it a lot.

meet you once, saw you thrice lucien flores x f!reader

who'd have thought this would make this list? not me. but it has, and god. i really tested myself with this one. creating him was days of churning over interviews of other actors, of finding who he is in the centre of fucking nothing. and then pouring my heart into it for lovely @pedgito and god am i grateful that's the moodboard i was given. i was terrified (ali will attest) but now i am so proud of it. i love it, and him. I'm almost terrified now to see the movie and watch this version die and wilt hahaha.

din and the travelling of planets din djarin x f!reader

not a one shot, but a collection, because i spent longer trying to choose than i did dwelling on choosing the rest and writing this post. i never thought id step back into star wars, but i'm so glad i did. din and his girl, seeing different planets together, letting us see the world through her eyes. there's a lot of my writing I'm proud of, but I'm most proud of the lines in this. because i get to describe in a way where i don't feel its redundant. because we're seeing it at the same time as she is. i also have so much fun each time i get to write him, and that, makes me happy.

[latenightshoww]

apart

a/n: got bored, hope they never see this cause ill sob; warnings: uses she/her pronouns, like the tiniest bit of angst, I DO NOT CLAIM THAT THEY ACT LIKE THIS IN REAL LIFE! synopsis: you and chris have been broken up for three months now but when he sees you again at a party, he can’t help the feelings that rush back to him

chris looked over himself in the mirror, fiddling around with the silver chain around his neck. he really did want to go this party tonight, he was just….

hesitant.

he hated this. he hated moping around his house like a scolded dog. he hated missing out. he hated not showing up. and he ESPECIALLY hated—

“CHRIS HURRY THE FUCK UP BEFORE WE LEAVE WITHOUT YOU,” his brother’s grating voice screamed for him.

chris let out a sigh before shouting, “IM COMING NICK!”

**********

chris screamed along with the music, he was glad he made himself come out tonight.

he leaned over to his brother, having to shout over the pounding music “HEY! IM GOING TO GET A DRINK BE RIGHT BACK!”

“WHAT,” his brother screamed back.

chris just rolled his eyes, and walked away from the dance floor.

he wanted around the unfamiliar halls of the house, trying to find a cooler or someone he knew so that he could ask them if they knew where the cooler was.

suddenly he felt something splash all over him.

“oh shit! my bad, man,” this unfamiliar dude said with a smirk.

chris was mad, he had just bought this damn shirt two weeks ago and normally he would’ve let it slide cause let’s be real it’s a shirt, he could’ve washed it. but it was the way this “apologized”, like he thought it was funny.

“nah it’s fine man,” chris said through gritted teeth.

the dude gave him a nod and wandered off.

**********

“WHERE’D YOU GO,” matt shouted.

“I WAS GETTING A DRINK!”

“DID YOU SPILL IT ALL OVER YOURSELF OR???”

“NO THIS DUDE SPILLED HIS SHIT ALL OVER ME!”

matt started to laugh, but suddenly stopped. his face went slack.

“WHAT?! YOU LOOK LIKE YOU SAW A GHOST”

chris looked behind him and suddenly felt himself go pale because right behind him standing in the crowd was you.

you looked gorgeous, hair styled just right, your makeup was beautiful, even from where he was he could see the way your lipgloss shined. the dress you had on was one chris had bought you, and it was hugging you in all the right place, he felt his heart leap into his throat when he saw you still had on the bracelet he had bought you for your six month anniversary.

suddenly he felt his feet move on their own, he was walking over towards you when he suddenly felt his brothers hand on his shoulder.

“chris, don’t.”

chris but his lip, he looked back over to you. and suddenly he felt himself boil over with rage. because in the minute he took his eyes off you, the asshat that managed to spill his drink all over him, suddenly had appeared right next to you.

and you did not look happy about it.

chris broke free of his brothers grasp and instantly appeared by your side.

“hey babe,” he said, casually wrapping a hand around your waist, “who’s your friend?”

“you know this guy,” douche bag uttered in disbelief.

“yup,” you replied without hesitation. “he’s my boyfriend.”

chris felt himself smirk at that. it felt good to hear you say that after so long.

the douchebag just raided his hands in defeat, and walked away, clearly over his pathetic attempt of trying to flirt with you.

chris felt you slip away from his grasp, he watched as you attempted to disappear in the crowd.

except he wasn’t going to let you go this time.

**********

“thought id find you out here.”

you whipped your head towards chris. you had been sitting on the curb, trying to calm yourself down.

“can i sit down,” chris asked, hand shoved deep into his jean pockets.

you shrugged, trying hard not to look at him.

you heard shuffling as chris sat down next to you. you both sat in awkward silence, not exactly knowing what to say.

“y/n, i—“

“what chris,” you let out with a huff, “what do you possibly have to say to me?!”

chris felt his mouth go dry, he didn’t think his through.

“exactly,” you said rolling your eyes, you got up from the curb completely over this conversation.

suddenly chris hand was clenched around your wrist.

“y/n wait! i just wanted to say—“

“what?! that you’re sorry?! chris do you really think one measly apology is going to make up for what you did?!”

“no but—“

“chris you left me! with no word of warning, you just left without a word! that’s not how breaks ups work! usually someone has to tell you if they’re not interested anymore! but you just gave me radio silence!”

“i didn’t mean for it to happen that way!”

“oh really?! cause that’s not what it looked like to me?!”

“I WAS SCARED, OK!”

you felt your breath hitch.

“we were starting to get serious and it scared me a lot, ok? and i know that’s not an excuse but i was terrified of getting that close to you.”

“why,” you said looking down at your shoes.

you felt chris get closer to you, lifting up your face to look at him.

“because i don’t ever want to lose you, ok? i care about you too much and i wouldn’t know what to do if you weren’t in my life. you’re one of the best things that ever happened to me and i want you to stick around for a really long time. these past three months without you have been really hard, i wake up and it hurts, i eat and it hurts, i drink and it—“

“chris,” you softly uttered, interrupting him.

“yeah?”

“shut up.”

you closed the gap in between you, kissing him. you felt his arms slink around you drawing you in closer, and you brought your arms up entangling your fingers in his hair.

soon you had to pull apart for air, and you were left entangled in each others arms.

“y/n”

“yeah?”

“will you be my girlfriend again?”

you smiled softly, “ok. but if you ever try to ghost me again, im hitting you with a car.”

[devilishlycute]

A Meet-Cute on the Subway

Shiki Souma x f!reader

"Oh god, oh god! I'm late as hell! Stupid toll booth, stupid crosswalks-!" Your eyes catch onto the train's doors about to close, the person facing the doors sees you running towards the train. With quick thinking he slides his hand against the automatic doors, holding them open just enough for you to squeeze through!

He let's the doors close behind you, worried over your exhausted state. "Th-Thank you! So much.. You don't understand how crunched on time I was!" You managed to blurt out, looking up you meet the strangers magenta-colored eyes. He blinks owlishly but his smile doesn't falter, he nods with a peppy "No problem!". He moves over and shows an open seat behind him, "You should sit and rest. It's no good if you end up getting dizzy from how hard you ran."

You stared at this stranger like he was a merciful deity offering you a better life, with a grateful smile you accept his generous advice. As you go to walk you felt your tote bag get lightly tugged back stopping you in your tracks.

... "Eh?" Both you and the stranger turn to look over your shoulder, low-and-behold: The corner of your tote was pinched inbetween the train's doors.

'I'm trapped in the most awkward situation ever!!!' You mentally panic, you do an experimental tug-- nope. It's not going anywhere. Looking back at the stranger getting ready to apologize for your carelessness, the stranger had his body turned away from you as his shoulders shook.

He soon stops shaking and turns back around with a closed eyed smile, his cheeks flushed a soft pink. "Looks like you're stuck until the next stop." He holds a hand out towards you, "My name's Shiki, Shiki Souma! May I ask for your name miss?" Looking more at his face, he looks very boyishly cute. The piercings give him a free-spirit vibe, and his hair looks like the color of his eyes from what you could see from the strands peaking from under his cap.

You nodded and go to touch his hand, "Y/n L/n. It's nice to meet you. You see I..." you trailed off and froze when you spot his pants front pockets untucked! Feeling a snicker leave your lips, you moved the hand that was going for Souma's to hide the curling of your lips from him, your gaze not leaving his pants.

"Shiki... Y-Your pockets.. pfft!" You inform him while giggling, he opens his eyes as a confused look crosses over his features. He looks down and saw his wardrobe malfunction, without saying anything his tucks his head down and fixes them so the inside stayed inside. Again his shoulders quaked, was he embarrassed? Flustered? Upset?

"Thank you for telling me, I couldn't help but laugh at myself you know?"

Oh, he was just laughing. "I know, trust me. But back to why I was running you see it's my first day at my new job-" as you explained how you mistakenly set your alarm to go off at 8:30 PM not AM and had to rush out of your house like a bat out of hell, he listens to your every word and offering a smile. "A friend of mine did that once too, but he was really mature in handling it!"

His eyes seemed to trail down your outfit, a business suit that was professional but also styled casually. "So where are you starting work? If you don't mind me asking?" Shiki sees a familiar ID card dangling below your neck, the word "Temp. Intern" printed on the card.

"Ah.. Well you see, it's a company that works in managing salaries for various projects. I'm actually supposed to be working under a Senpai, but I hear that he's actually very laid back- but I still want to make a good first impression on him!" You explained to Souma.

Souma smiles at your tenacity "What a "good girl" type." Souma thinks to himself, but he remembered something his older brother told him last night over dinner... Something about a new worker joining his company, someone that was going to be placed under Mima's care and responsibility, he remembers his brother also saying their name...

"Wait. Are you--"

"Please watch your step when boarding and exiting the sides of the train. Please make room for those leaving and for those boarding--"

The train's PA system plays the message over and over, the doors slide open and free the corner of your tote. With a sad smile you wave towards Shiki, "Well this is my stop, thanks again Shiki-san! I hope to run into you again sometime, I wish we could keep talking like this, you're pretty funny. Also, you should laugh more freely, it feels great when you just let it out you know?"

As you step off the train and onto the platform, you turn around to face Shiki once more, his heart stopped at the sight of your face. A gentle and heartwarming smile graces your face, placing your hands on the edge of your skirt you bow slightly in gratitude. The apples of his cheeks began to heat up with a soft warmth.

The doors slowly slid closed right as you stood upright, with one last wave the train began to move and leave the station once again. Shiki places his hand over his heart, replaying her words. "I hope to run into you again sometime.. I wish we could keep talking like this, you're pretty funny."

If you're going to be an intern under Mima-san eye, he can't help but smile at the thought of your wish coming true.. Probably sooner than you think.

...

"Wait.. I was supposed to get off back there. ... pfft.." Souma laughed at his own mishap. He really can't wait to see you again, you seem very kind and fun.

Any Cool Doji Danshi fans here? Please go watch it or read it, there needs to be fanfics about these cuties!! >w<

[sapphosremains]

For the Christian Ask Game! 6, 9, 14, and 25 :D

also for the anon that asked for 9!

6. What holidays and/or festivals do you celebrate/observe?

okay so i’m trying to work harder to observe more this year bc id really like that, but i used to not be aware of them! the big ones christmas and easter naturally, along with all that which comes with it (lent, holy week, advent etc). then epiphany, pentecost, and also the feast of st mary/the assumption (still not sure where i am on that but i observe the day), and i want to observe more saints’ days in the coming years.

9. Who is your favorite biblical character? If it's Jesus, who's your second favorite?

Ooh tricky. I love Mary, of course. Theologically speaking, I’ve spent a lot of time researching Cozbi (num 25), so even if she’s not someone that ought to be looked up to in a Christian sense, i feel academically attached to her. But yeah i feel a special connection to Mary! she just makes me so emotional every time i think about her - it’s why i haven’t done any research projects on her because i just cry!!

14. What is something that's brought you closer to God?

joining my church was a big step for me, and i’ll tell that story on here eventually but it was a big thing personally, and that’s helped massively. other than that, i think i’ll always be grateful to my gf who has brought me closer to God in so many ways.

25. If you could ask Mother Mary one thing, what would it be?

another really tricky one! tbf they all are! i think i’d ask her how she managed grieving the future death of her son even when he was a baby, knowing his fate. i can’t even imagine how difficult that must have made even every good thing that happened. maybe that’s a mean question to ask though.

[chevelleneech]

Re: the Oliver bi post -

I wouldn’t be surprised if Oliver was bi and just hasn’t come out to the public yet. Going by how eloquent he id and how he speaks during interviews addressing Buck’s sexuality or the inclusiveness of the show, he’s either a part of the community imo or the world’s best Ally. (Capital A)

It’s weird to speculate on real people’s sexuality, but either way I’m grateful as a bi person to have him in our corner regardless of how he identifies :)

Being the nosy bitch I am, I am rather okay with the fact that I’m always googling people’s personal lives and talking about it in some form. It’s been a long lived trait of my personality, as I tend to just want to know information about people and things. I never take it out of fandom spaces, don’t overstep by invading actual privacy, and try my best to dial my curiosity back, but as you can tell from this blog alone… I often fail on the latter.

That said, I don’t think I venture too deep into Oliver’s sexuality, because he doesn’t really give me closeted vibes. Not that I can tell one way or the other for real, but after my initial search to see if he was, I just idk… believe him saying he’s an ally. He seems incredibly comfortable with himself and doesn’t really take shit from people. And while that isn’t exclusive to allies, I do think it’s possible that if Oliver were queer, it’s something he’d refuse to take shit for. I feel like his personality would lean more toward being out and outspoken about it, because from a fan pov, he seems more than fine telling people to shut the fuck up and fuck off if they have something bad to say about him or the things he believes in.

However, I do understand the nuisance that comes with being closeted, so I can’t say what you think is an impossibility. He could very well be bisexual and just not out. To me though, if he does end up coming out, I still think it’d probably be because he realized his queerness due to being such an advocate for Buck’s. Which, maybe that’s me speaking from a slightly personal experience? Idk.

I always thought myself an ally and open minded, and I would much rather invest in queer stories than not, but I didn’t think anything was odd about that due to again, the assumption that investing in queer characters and their stories was just the right thing to do as someone who isn’t a bigot.

Nope, I’m just asexual, lol. My intrigue is rooted in wanting to see relationships play out on screen between people who don’t fit into cis/het boxes, because growing up that’s all I saw. Men and women kissing and falling in love and that being the “right way” to showcase romance. Realizing I’m ace and have very little interest in traditional romance helped me let go of a lot of hang ups that I had about myself.

So it’s possible I’m projecting like shit, but yeah. I don’t think Oliver is bi necessarily, but if he is, I do think it’s something he would most likely have discovered recently.

Sidebar: Two of his tattoos did add to my initial wonderings about him though, I will admit. He and I are in the same age group, so I feel like it’s fine to assume he also knows the rumors about his arm bands and the hollow star tattoo. They don’t mean a man is queer, but growing up in the early 2000s, those two things were like rumored signifiers. So when I saw him with them, I just assumed he was in the closet. Now though, I’m more just like, maybe that was just a point in time when a lot of queer men had those tattoos and to Oliver they don’t mean the same thing.

Doesn’t matter either way, but yeah.

Thanks for stopping by though, and not yelling at me for making a post about how I’d find it funny if his life imitated his art!

[darlinguistics]

welcome back to my inarticulate informal ramblings about important topics~ summer update edition ☀️

this summer ive been in a conflicting work position because despite technically working with kids with disabilities as well as kids in general and learning a lot about that and getting that really fulfilling and enlightening experience, im also doing it in a setting that feels designed to make my job hard? and i think this is a feeling a lot of people who work with children/in special ed and things like that feel too because as soon as i started to feel it i remembered all the complaints id hear from people in those fields that didnt fully make sense to me yet but now that im doing something similar i know Exactly what they mean. almost like at every moment where my job can possibly be supported or made easier by the very people who hired me i swear the opposite consistently happens. from my actual workplace not being as inclusive or even open to new ideas related to that as they expect and want ME to be, to the general social culture and environment here (*cough very wealthy community cough cough old money cough*) making my coworkers not really understand what my job is and having no real interest in finding out, down to even the parents of the kids i work with seemingly not even wanting me to do the job they themselves asked me to do. it makes me feel yucky like i was just brought here to like make themselves feel better and be able to say that they have someone like me working here, while also wanting me to be quiet and do nothing and mind my business get paid and leave. and the hard part is that thats kinda what im forced to do a lot of the time!! like yes i do my best regardless and i think ive done some real good here and helped and im fulfilled by those moments and grateful to be a part of them but its also very obvious to me that i could have done so much more too if i had just actually like had any of the support i expected to have here. they kinda framed this like id be joining a network of people who are all on the same team as me and have the same goals as me but its felt more like theyre tolerating me here which is so weird because.. you hired me?? to do this??? but im done here soon so!

👎: i have literally never been so regularly exposed to constant subtle classism until working here, i cried at work more than i planned to, i did not get to reach even close to my potential, had interactions with more than a few kids who made me frustrated and kinda sad about Todays Youth like some cranky grandpa and had to reassure myself with "they have so much more to learn still give them some grace" and "theyre also rich" very often

👍: glad i started developing the coping mechanisms to deal with those frustrations bc lets be real it wont be the last time i encounter them! so many newfound passions about what i want to do with my career have been uncovered or revitalized like wow, like i was so frustrated here but now im so eager to leave and start trying to like!! change things!!! i am young and full of hubris!!!! also being so understimulated at times made me get super into reading again and im grateful for that

[zaraomarrogers]

Always and Forever - 5

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Fem Reader

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, sexual content, 18+, minors do not interact

~*~

The moment Steve got into his hotel room his phone went off. He groaned seeing the caller ID.

“What is it Tony?” Steve wasn’t in a mood for Tony’s late night chitter chatter. Few rounds of beer with Bucky got him slightly drunk and he knew Tony would drain his remaining little energy with gossips.

“Who bit you Rogers? Why the sour mood?” Tony teased, earning another groan from Steve.

“What made you call me at...” Steve checked the time on his wrist watch, “11:15 pm? Did Pepper ignore you again?”

“Nope!!” Tony said popping the ‘p' and continued. “Actually, she called me this morning. She sounded so pissed because she was expecting me there, not you.”

“Fucking finally!!” Steve muttered.

“Language, Rogers!”

“Really Tony! You missed the event when you could have come, you had a free weekend”

“Calm down Rogers! You did a favour and I’d be grateful like all the other times you’d been there for me and this company.” Tony said in one breath and continued, “Its not about me attending the event, I called you for something else.”

“Judging by your tone, it’s another favour, isn’t it?” Steve laid down on bed, adjusting his head on the pillows.

“I swear I would have kissed you, Rogers, ofcourse if you were here but since you’re not I can send you some...” Tony turned the camera on on his phone, bring it near his lips and with horrible sound of muahh, he kissed the camera.

“... virtual kiss, if that works for you, bro.” Steve rolled his eyes at Tony’s cheekiness.

“What’s the favour, Tony?” he came straight to the point.

“So, I’ve heard the show was a great success. Y/n Carter was the highlight of the show not in only in terms of managing and arranging the whole event but as a show stopper for the designer.” Steve’s heart skipped a beat on Y/n’s mention. He sat up, “...her work was outstanding and different fashion outlets are approaching her.... but Pepper doesn’t wana  lose her...” Steve took a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “.... She’s one of the Pepper's most trusted employees and also her friend. The only problem is, some rivals are peeking their heads up after the success and the fact that Pepper has already lost her employees on big positions for obvious reasons and now she needs someone to make the company stable.” Tony was now contemplating his next words.

“What do you want me to do Tony?” Steve was curious to know where this conversation was heading.

“She asked for my help and I couldn’t have said no, Steve. I assured her that you’ll help her out with the company. You have experience, you’re smart and knows exactly what it takes to keep it firm on its feet....”

Whatever Tony had said  wasn’t hard to comprehend but Steve was stunned. If what Tony had just told him meant he could stay here and it would give him opportunity to be in Malcolm’s life. He wanted to thank the universe to give him this chance to be with his son.

He had planned to call Tony in the morning to ask for some days off of work but this new opportunity of working in the same place as Y/n would may be fix something between them. He was hopeful. He was happy.

“STEEEEVE?? Are you even listening?”

“I’d stay.” Steve said.

“Pardon.”

“I said I’m going to stay and help Pepper and the company.” Steve said.

“Are you sure? I mean you’re not angry or something? I could’ve asked....”

“Its fine Tony! Just send me all the details and I’d fix a meeting with Pepper first thing.” All of a sudden Steve  found a new purpose.

“Sure man! Thanks again. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Tony said gratefully.

“Don’t repeat yourself Tony, I was ignoring you the first time.” Steve smirked, disconnecting the line.

Steve was contented that his stay in Boston had been sorted out, only thing bothering him was his insignificant relationship with Peggy. He wanted to end things on phone, sure it’d be an asshole thing to do but did he care less.

No matter how much he thought would it be justified, he couldn’t do it. Sarah had raised him better. He smiled thinking about telling his Ma about little Malcolm. He’d call her first thing in the morning, he made a mental note. It had been just a day he had known about Malcolm’s existence and it brought him so much happiness. His little boy was hard copy of him but he got all his traits from his mama.

Steve chuckled looking at the  photos he had taken of his son during the day. A photo of him and Malcolm in the backyard taken by Bucky. Malcolm was clung onto his shoulders and laughing adorably. A video of them playing with a ball and Malcolm’s yelling I wuv you daddy loud and clear in it. He was already missing his little bean, his purpose of living now.

Steve wanted to thank Y/n. He wanted to tell her how grateful he was of her. She had let Malcolm known about him even when he wasn’t in their life. Steve would forever be in debt of her and she had raised their kid as a working single mother. He had never thought that there come a time when Y/n and him would act as strangers especially Y/n. He was unable to find any sort of emotion in her eyes. She was distant like she didn’t know him. Like they didn’t have anything she could remember. He remembered her throwing the coffee he brought for her in the bin. He knew he had hurt her in worst possible way but he didn’t know how to tell her that he was sorry. He was sorry because he didn’t make an effort to find her, to go after her. He was so embarrassed. He was so disgusted by himself that he thought not showing his face again would be the best thing he could  do for her. He thought he was punishing himself, he deserved this punishment but what he didn’t know was things would be so much different for Y/n and for him if he showed up. If he went after her.

He had fucked up!

 

~*~

 

Incessant buzzing of Steve’s phone on the night stand stirred him in deep sleep. He  pressed the slide to answer the call and immediately a wide grin adorned his godly features.

 

“Daddy? Where you? Call many times, no pick.” Malcolm chirped in his sweet voice.

“Good Morning, buddy! Sorry I was asleep. I have just woken up.” Steve said through smile. He heard Mal talking to Y/n, he was asking her to open the video. Steve sat up a little in bed, leaned against the headrest. He finger combed his hair and turned the video on. Malcolm was sitting in Y/n’s lap in the kitchen. Steve felt his swollen with happiness at the sight of mama and baby. Y/n’s hand was wrapped Mal for support. The little boy was obviously excited and energetic.

“Aww daddy in bed.” Malcolm giggled. Steve couldn’t help but stare at Y/n. Her hair were in pony tail. She was wearing a white t-shirt and her face had no sign of makeup. Steve forgot to take a breath.

“When see you daddy? I go pawk with mama. Pwease come.”

“I’d love that, buddy. But we need to ask mama if I can come along.” Steve could see how Y/n was looking anywhere but at the camera. She was clearly uncomfortable.

“Mama, can daddy come, pwease?”

“Yes, he can come.” Y/n said lightly. She kissed the side of Malcolm’s head.

“We go to the park every Sunday. You must have passed it yesterday while coming over, its right across the street.” She told Steve still avoiding the eye contact.

“Yeah! I’d be there in thirty minutes? Is that okay?”

“How thiwty minutes mama?” Malcolm asked now bouncing on his mama’s lap with excitement.

“Thirty minutes means half an hour. Daddy will be here in half an hour.” Y/n explained.

“Too much time, daddy. Come soon.” Malcolm whined.

“Okay I’d try my best to come before thirty minutes Mal.”

“Mal-pal, daddy needs to get ready and drive to the park. It will take at least thirty minute, sweetheart. How about we go to park and play on slides and daddy will join us.” Y/n reasoned with him.

“Okay mama.” Malcolm pouted and Y/n kissed him on the head again.

“Daddy, you pway on monkey baw with me. You howd me up up and more up and I jump. Okay daddy?” Malcolm asked Steve excitedly.

“Sure buddy. We’ll play whatever you pick.”

“Yaayyyyy daaaddyyy wuv you.” Malcolm screamed in pure joy and kissed his mama’s face.

“I love you too Mal.” Steve whispered. He didn’t know if Malcolm had heard him but Y/n looked at him first time in this video call. Steve couldn’t read her expression because she was quick to look away.

“Daddy wuv me, mama.” Malcolm confirmed.

“Yes.” She whispered.

“Hey buddy, you want me to bring anything for you?” Steve asked not wanting to break the lovely moment between Y/n and Malcolm.

“What anything daddy?” He asked innocently.

“Like something to eat. Doughnuts, pie, cookies, anything you say....”

Malcolm turned to see Y/n, his way of asking permission. Y/n smiled at him lovingly and reminded him that he had already taken breakfast.

“I eaten bweakfast al’eady, daddy. I no want anything.”

“Ohh no! Then daddy will come with coffee for him and mama. Is that okay?.”

“Is okay mama? Daddy bwing coffee fow you.”

“I have already had my coffee. No need to bring anything. C'mon Mal-pal, we gotta go to park or we’ll be late.”

“Okay mama. Daddy come soon pwease.” Malcolm said and send a flying kiss to Steve with a bye bye and disconnected the call once Steve assured him that he’d be there in thirty minutes.

 

~*~

 

“I’ve been meaning to speak with you.” Y/n initiated when Steve came to sit beside her on the bench, dusting off the mud from his shirt.

Malcolm was playing with other kids in the park. As promised, Steve had arrived at the park when Malcolm was on the slides. Once he saw his daddy, he ran to him and into his arms. Steve helped him climbing up the monkey bars. He told him a story of his childhood days when his parents use to take him to parks and different other places. They both almost had rolled on the mud and grass laughing and enjoying.

Y/n watched Malcolm having fun with Steve, something shift in her heart. She always wanted Malcolm to know his father and just be able to be with him. No matter how angry she was at Steve, she realised she’d do anything and everything to see her baby laugh and smile, just the way they were right now. It was her and Malcolm’s Sunday routine. They’d walk down the park after breakfast and spend an hour together, it was also unwinding for her.

 

“Go ahead, what is it you want to talk about?” Steve said softly, his tone still the same with her as it was four years ago. His eyes still held the same love and adoration for her.

“I need to make sure if you’re going to be in Malcolm’s life or it is just as coincidental as it seems.” Y/n’s eyes were on Malcolm, she could see him sliding down the slide with other kids.

“I want to stay. In fact, I’m staying and I’d make sure that I’d be in his life permanently.” He gently told her while trying to read her blank face.

“.... if I had known about him, I would be here from the beginning. Y/n/n, I know I’ve fucked up.....”

“That’s Y/n for you.” She harshly cut him off. “You’d be on Malcolm’s schedule if you are to stay here. I’ll send you his routine and then you can have your time with him.” Steve gulped hard, he didn’t want to show her how much he was hurting.

“Mal hasn’t started school, he goes to Alice’s day care. I don’t know if you remember, Alice runs a day care and I put Mal in there because I’m working full time, besides he’d be with Alice. I pick him up at around three in the afternoon and bring him to my work place. My boss's daughter and him are good friends and we have a small setup for both of them to play within the premises.” She gave him a heads up of Malcolm’s routine.

“If he’s spending rest of his time at your work then I get to meet him as well, daily.” A smile appeared on Steve’s face.

Y/n gave him a confused look.

“Tony asked me to help Pepper with the company.” He further explained, “I work at Stark Industries. I’m leading marketing department as their executive....” Y/n looked at him with wide eyes. She didn’t know what had possessed her heart was filled with so much happiness for him. Steve always wanted to be a part of Stark industries. It was his dream job and she felt so proud of him regardless of how things are between them right now.

“Congratulations!” She said in a small voice. “.... I mean... it’s  where you always wanted to be.” She cleared her throat at sudden awkwardness.

“Thank you Y/n. I wish things....”

“So you’re taking over our marketing and advertising, I didn’t know Pepper’s gonna take a decision.” She said the latter in a whisper but Steve heard it.

“Pepper called Tony to discuss this and Tony put me in, since I was already here for the event.” Steve explained.

“Mhmm...”

“By the way, it was a great event. You did an outstanding job Y/n/n... I mean Y/n... it was splendid. I’m so proud of you.”

They both looked at each other at the same time, holding each other’s gaze, like in a trance. While Steve’s gaze held pure love and affection, her’s had melancholy and heartache but one thing that was common between them was longing, longing for each other, for the life they’d dreamed of together.

Neither of them noticed when Malcolm tripped over and fell. Time they had spent together was reeling in front of their eyes. Y/n wanted nothing but to be in his arms again. Her safe place. Her home.

Steve was no different, he desperately needed her in his arms. He wanted to spend rest of his life holding her tightly and cherish her with every breath he had.  

Malcolm came to Y/n with a face as long as a fiddle, bringing his parents back to reality.

“Mama, I got a boo boo. You no see, why?” tears were about to spill from his eyes.

Y/n came to her senses and put him in her lap.

“I’m sorry Mal-pal. How’d you get this?” She inspected the tiny scraps on both his knees and smiled. Steve looked at Malcolm’s knees and heaved a sigh.

Malcolm didn’t answer her question, instead hid his face in her chest.

“Hey Buddy...” Steve started, he looked at Y/n for a go ahead signal and when she nodded at him, he continued. “.... Mama and I are sorry that we didn’t come to you. Because we know you’re a big boy now, and big boys don’t get upset with boo boo. Right Mama?”

“Yup! If we don’t get a boo boo, we won’t grow up Mal-pal. That’s how mama and daddy has become grown ups.”

Malcolm looked up at his mama first and then his daddy.

“I a big boy?” he asked curiously.

“Yes.” Steve and Y/n both said at the same time.

“.... and big boy gets to eat his favourite lunch.” Y/n suggested, “Dino nuggets and fries or veggie sandwich?”

Malcolm shook his head vigorously. “What daddy eat fow wunch, I eat same as daddy.”

“Daddy will have burger and fries. You want to have same lunch as daddy?” Steve said and earned a glare from Y/n.

“Yes! Mama buwge’ and fries, pwease.” Malcolm was excited.

“Mal-pal...”

“Pwease mama, pwease.”

“On one condition, you’re gonna have to eat your veggies in dinner. Promise?” Y/n hold out her hand.

“Pwomise mama.”

He jumped off her lap and onto Steve’s lap. “ ‘ets go, daddy.”

Steve roared with a laughter followed by Malcolm’s giggles. He stood up, Malcolm still clinging to him, “C'mon mama, we go with daddy.”  Y/n shook her head disapprovingly.

She followed them towards Steve’s car. It wasn’t how she had thought it would go. She couldn’t break her little boy's heart but she needed to make him understand that he’d spend his time with his daddy separately. It was going to stir many questions in Malcolm’s mind and she was willing to answer all his questions.

She had a slip up just minutes ago, she couldn’t let Steve hold this much power over her again. She didn’t want to end up hurting again. She knew Steve had said that he would stay here but how could she trust him when he promised her that he would always come to find her and he didn’t. She desperately wanted to protect her child from the same heartache and feeling of abandonment she had went through.

Should she limit Steve’s time with Malcolm?

How about only on weekends?

Or may be at her house, in her supervision....??

She couldn’t decide. She couldn’t think of anything. She needed to ask her dad or may be Alice would help her. Oh, they definitely will. But she knew what’s best for her child, she didn’t need anyone’s help.

In her conflicting thoughts she didn't realise Steve had hold her hands while crossing the road.

 

[nino-rox]

TRIGGER WARNING : Mental Health Rant

DONT READ BECAUSE ITS NOT WORTH your TIME i think

This is a rant/vent post because I’m feeling stuff? I guess? I don’t know…

So i don’t even know know why I’m posting this here but the gist of it is I just heard of Dysthymia (mild but chronic depression) today for the first time.

I searched it up and a online test popped up for it - it was a pretty small test - likely inaccurate.

It asked me some questions that had me in shock and then later diagnosed me as Dysthymic.

And I’m in Los Angeles for college far from home and I wanted to tell someone what happened and as i scrolled through my Insta/snapchat/iMsgs I realised i didn’t quite have someone to share this weird thing that happened with.

It’s not that I dont have anyone - I’m extremely blessed, have a very loving and supportive family, a few very close friends; I’m super lucky so I feel grateful to God for it - point is everyone was on the other side of the planet and I didn’t for some reason feel like sending it to them. I even scrolled through my call logs and FaceTime history and couldn’t find a single person.

Since the longest time I’ve always thought I had people I can count on for any situation - I DO, but i don’t know its just so * indescribable * ugh wtf

Anyway, the other day, my sim card here stopped working and It was when i really needed it due to some work, without internet or data it would prove complicated to make a safe Uber ride or just f anything went south id be screwed.

I needed to go to the SIM card store for a replacement sim - i couldn’t find a single person to come with me, not a single call was returned.

One person texted and they were helpful and said they’re tired so can’t go - UNDERSTANDABLE and COMPLETELY OKAY !! - yet i felt like crap hearing that because if I pride myself on one thing its being an exceptionally kind and loving social person, and even if someone who i know as an acquaintance had asked me for something like this i think i would’ve dropped everything because it was someone’s time for need. I understand that people are different, and i dont want to sound entitled by saying something stupid like they’re obligated to go out with me in a scenario like this but i felt so appalled and i felt like i didn’t really know myself or anything because I’m probably one of those people who literally knows everyone on campus, at least in my batch (2026).

Everyone always says even today that you’re so sweet and you literally know everyone - this makes it so much worse - I’m sweet and know everyone and yet i wasn’t able to cultivate a single friendship or professional relationship to the level where i could count on someone for something like this .

For the record, thanks to my family I knew people (family friends etc..) i could still call in case of a serious emergency - i didn’t feel like this was serious, it was just … ??? »????????????????

ANyway i went alone and by the end of it I told myself i was being so dramatic over something stupid like a sim.

But i don’t know

.

Either way, thats that - I’m sorry I’ve been inactive and havent had time to work on requests - ill get started soon !

IM sorry for posting this on here i don’t even know why I’m doing this lol.

Also if someone is kind enough to reply/comment to this post ; i truly do appreciate it and it means the world, but i don’t know if ill be mentally ready to reply to the comments on this post if any.

Lots of love

- Nino

[liarist]

Comedy

Chapter 3: The Identity No warnings

As I woke up, I let out a big yawn, got dressed, and checked the weather for the day. I put on a black wig with bangs, lightly applied makeup, and then wore a coat.

"I'm going out; I'll be back in a bit," I informed. "Do you need me to buy anything?"

"If you can bring coffee or energy drinks, I'd appreciate it," Jake replied.

While I was on the bus, I found another photo in Hannah's cloud. It was a picture of a cat, and I almost melted from cuteness. I sent it to Jake along with a bunch of heart-eyed emojis.

After a couple of hours, I reached my destination. I bought myself a coffee from a café and sat on the terrace. Five minutes later, someone joined me.

"This has been quite unexpected, R," P said, leaving an envelope on the table. I took it and placed it in my bag. "You're lucky I was nearby."

"I know, thank you, P," I said. "It's really important, how much do I owe you?"

"Double the usual amount," P replied. I nodded and left the money on the table. "I'm genuinely grateful for this."

"Can I ask about the other person?" P inquired.

"I was planning on taking a vacation, and unexpectedly, among other things, this came up. But it's nothing bad, or at least I hope so," I said, taking a sip of my coffee. "These… cards… are necessary for emergencies with a partner I'm working with."

"Well, everything you need is there. If you need anything else, just let me know," P said, getting up and leaving.

I finished my coffee and took the bus back.

Thomas: And?

Rebekah: What?

Thomas: Have you looked at Hannah's photos? Do you remember her?

Rebekah: I've seen them, and I was hoping to recognize her from one of my trips, but I'm sorry to say I don't. As you may have noticed, I'm not from this area, so the only way I would have seen her is if I had encountered her during one of my travels.

Thomas: Oh. Okay. I see.

And he disconnects.

Jake: Sorry I didn't message you earlier. Clue number three?

Rebekah: Yes, that's right. The second clue is a bridge in a forest, and the third clue is a beautiful cat.

Jake: Hmm, I'll try to find out some information about these photos.

Rebekah: What could be in these photos?

Jake: Metadata: where the photos were taken, when Hannah uploaded them to the cloud… The more I know, the better. Give me some time. Oh, one more thing. I have another clue for you: ID47013. The police are onto Thomas, Hannah's boyfriend. You should focus on someone else.

Rebekah: Do I have to call the number?

Jake: No, enter it in your contacts. It's at the top right where you see the messages.

I do as he says and see that the number is for Dan.

I get off the bus and stop by the supermarket to buy the energy drinks Jake requested. We didn't have many things in the house, so I should buy some more.

I made a list on my phone:

Thermos cups for coffee

Kettle

A couple of blankets because it gets really cold at night

Coffee

Sugar

Energy drinks (a lot of them)

Non-perishable food items

Gas for the camping stove

I think that should be enough, but let's be realistic—I'll probably come back with more things than what's on the list.

When I arrive home, I knock on the door, and Jake opens it. He raises his eyebrows when he sees me and helps me with the bags.

"I thought you were only going to bring coffee and energy drinks," he murmurs.

"I'm a danger when I go shopping; everything becomes important when I see it," I tell him.

We start placing the items on the table.

"Looks like these are indeed important things," he says, checking the purchases.

"Yes, I don't plan on surviving on instant food," I say. "And I don't want to be cold at night."

"Well, I guess I can't refuse," he remarks.

"Oh, I brought this," I say, taking out the envelope I had stored in my bag. "Today, I met up with my contact for documents. I had to retrieve them all soon anyway, so I thought it would be a good idea to do it now, and I took the liberty of requesting papers for you as well." I hand him his documents. "There's an ID card, passport, motorcycle, and car driver's license. There's also work information with all the details. The passport provides access to most countries, and more than 40 are visa-free."

"What about this? 'Rebekah'?" He looks noticeably surprised.

"It's for the times when we may need to escape. It helps us maintain a low profile. I can tell you from experience that I've never had any problems with this documentation; it's very reliable," I explain.

"Thank you so much, truly, thank you, Rebekah. I don't know how to thank you."

"I know what it's like to have to live on the run, and I know the relief that comes with having these papers. I feel a sense of peace with them. We're in this together, Jake," I smile.

[she-karev]

Out of Nowhere

Age Rating: 12+

Chapters: Three of Six

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy

AN: This chapter takes place in season 14 episode 9 when Jo is confronted by her abusive ex-husband. I will take one shot requests.

Summary: Amber figures out who her stalker is and helps Jo with her abusive ex-husband.

Words: 2921

I sit in the attending’s lounge talking to a couple of police officers who were called in by Andrew. Chief Bailey gave us the lounge after we explained what happened so we can have privacy. Andrew is standing by my side for which I am grateful for.

“And you didn’t recognize the vehicle in question?” Officer Royce asks, “Nobody in your building drives a black Lexus?”

“No.”

“Look the guy didn’t just follow her after work he followed her back to the hospital and waited outside.” Andrew explains.

“Sir please calm down we’re getting her statement.” Officer Jennings turns to me, “Do you have any idea who it could be? An ex-boyfriend or spouse? Someone you went on a date with recently? He usually lives in the same city.”

“No, my exes all live in Iowa and New York and I just moved here a month ago my circle is really small.” I pull out my phone and show them the message board, “I tried blocking him but he messaged me this time from the hospital in real time. He took those photos from a corner while I was working.”

“Has he approached you physically?” Royce asks, “Has he been violent to you?”

“No he hasn’t but he’s here I mean the evidence is right there on my phone.” I glare at them and continue, “Are you gonna find this guy and make him stop?”

“We’ll trace the phone to the source but odds are it’s a burner phone based on the ID. And even then, he could throw the phone away.” Andrew scoffs at Jennings, “I understand your concerned but we’ll do our best to find out who’s been calling you and bring him in for questioning.”

“We typically advise people in your situation to keep close to someone at all times so he doesn’t approach you when you’re alone. Also, you should keep a record of every incident of harassment.” He pulls out a handheld notebook that I take, “If he calls you, texts you, follows you write it down. It’s a sure way to gain credibility and get a restraining order and possibly jail time.”

“Possibly?” Andrew asks in frustration, “This guy followed her in his car last night, he could’ve run her off the side of the road and make her hit a pole or worse. Would he ‘possibly’ get jail time then?”

“Andrew calm down.” I tell him under my breath and face the cops, “Thanks for the help officers.” I lead them out of the door and close it to face Andrew who fumes, “I let you stay in the room so I could be stopped from pissing off the cops but I think I should’ve done that for you instead.”

“How are you not angry right now?” Andrew asks incredulous, “I mean the cops basically gave the guy a free pass to attack you in the middle of the pit and you don’t see a problem with that?”

“Of course, I see a problem with that but I expected this from the beginning.” I tell him this harsh reality, “A woman being followed is low priority against a murder or a hospital hacking. I appreciate your concern but the harsh truth is that other than a blocked number I haven’t given much for the cops to go on.”

“Well, you’re not just gonna be a sitting duck for this guy.” He says it with conviction, “I’m between places right now but I can get us a hotel room until the police catch this guy.”

“I told Alex and he’s offered to let me stay at his loft for a while.” I inform him and he nods.

“Okay good.”

“Yeah, it’s a loft and I’m sure it’ll be cramped.” I grin and Andrew grins back.

I chuckle lightly as a thought comes to me, “What is it?” Andrew asks.

“Normally my friends seeing me hugging you and kissing you would be my greatest concern but this takes the cake.” I grin at the cruel irony, “Do you think they would buy it if I told them you were giving me body warmth after I contracted pneumonia.”

“I don’t think even Glasses is dumb enough to fall for that.” I snort at his joke, “Qadri knows and you said she was cool with it.”

“There’s a difference she’s not awful Roy and Helm on the other hand are gonna make it their mission to never let me live this down.” I groan as I imagine their sneers, “I need to go back out there the place is falling apart and Bailey gave us the room until after the cops leave.”

“Okay let’s go back to the pit come on I’ll walk you.” I stand up and follow him back to the pit feeling calmer now that I know he’s by my side through this nightmare

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alex sits in a bench putting his surgical booties on so he can place a shunt in Frankie’s AVM. As he finishes, he sees someone he recognizes sitting on the bench next to him too. He pales as he sees the man next to him is Dr. Paul Stadler. The last time he saw Stadler he tracked him down and contemplated what to do about him and decided to let him go knowing it’s not what Jo would have wanted him to do.

Every cell in his body right now wants to beat him up but he reins it in and keeps his voice calm so as to not raise suspicion, “What are you doing here?”

Paul looks at Alex, “Hi Paul Stadler, Orlando Medical.”

“Yeah, I know who you are.” He says with a slight of anger he’s feeling.

Paul feigns innocence, “I’m sorry have we met before? You know your face looks kind of familiar like someone else’s.” Paul has a slight malice in his eyes that Alex catches and Paul continues to play dumb, “I just got in yesterday, do you have a brother or a sister?” He emphasizes the sister part making it clear he knows who he is and who Amber is.

Alex connects the dots and realizes Jo’s abusive husband is also Amber’s current stalker, making his blood boil more if that was possible. Just as he’s about to snap Helm runs outside the O.R. calling for him, “Dr. Karev, Dr. Shepherd said Frankie’s angio shows a bleed.”

“Yikes don’t let me keep you.”

Alex ignores Paul and rushes inside the scrub room making Frankie his priority right now. However, his girlfriend and sister’s safety is still on his mind as he faces Helm, “Intern what’s your name?”

“Helm. Like Hellmouth without the outh.”

“Don’t scrub. I need you to find Dr. Wilson and Dr. Karev and bring them here.” Alex tries to keep calm even when his worries skyrocket.

“You want me to call them?”

“No.” Alex says sharply, “I want you to find Jo Wilson and Amber Karev and bring them both here. And don’t leave either of their sides.”

“Why?” Helm asks annoyed.

“Just do it.” His sharp tone makes Helm walk out. Alex faces the sink tensely ignoring Amelia when she asks what’s going on.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I stretch my neck releasing the knots that formed while I helped transfer nine patients from the pit to other area hospitals. The AC was shut off by the hackers and as a result I’m wearing a layer of sweat all over my body. The blood bank is locked out as well and until emergency shipments are brought in employees are encouraged to donate blood. I decided to take the initiative as well as Andrew who is next to me filling out the paperwork.

I exhale as I fan myself with the clipboard, “If I die of heat exhaustion, I give you an order to not resuscitate me.” Andrew chuckles, “I’m starting to think that Black Mirror was on to something about technology being the end of good and honest society.”

“I wouldn’t know I’ve never seen it.” I look at him baffled by his lack of pop culture again, “I’m a doctor I don’t have time to relax and binge on Netflix. Sue me.”

“If we make it out of this nightmare alive, I am making it my personal mission to catch you up on all my favorite movies and tv shows.”

“Why do I get the feeling I’m in for a scary and bloody ride?” Andrew asks with a grin.

“You are but don’t worry you can curl up next to me when the scary parts come on.”

“In that case I can’t wait.” I chuckle at his eagerness to be close to me.

“Clear!” I look to my left and see the source is from Casey Parker who put the defibrillator paddles inside the blood bank keypad. He charges the paddles and the keypad short circuits, Casey then opens the door, “We have blood!”

I look at Andrew who is also impressed by Casey, “I guess we don’t need to give blood.”

Andrew puts our clipboards away, “Back to the pit of hell.” I groan and reluctantly walk by him in the direction of the pit. Helm sees us and runs to us with an annoyed face.

I glare at her and speak before she can, “Helm back away I don’t want to hear your opinions on us.”

“Oh, I have a lot trust me.” I roll my eyes, “But I’m not here for that I’m here because your brother sent me to find you and Dr. Wilson and bring him to his O.R.”

“What? Why?” My anger shifts to confusion at Alex’s request.

“I don’t know.” Helm looks confused too, “All I know is that he wants me to find you two and bring you to him he sounded really serious and quite frankly scary. Did word get back to him about your little moment in the elevator?”

“Helm watch it.” Andrew says sharply, “Did you find Dr. Wilson?”

“No I just spotted you and I don’t know where Dr. Wilson is, she was supposed to be working on Frankie.”

“Okay I’ll find her and bring her to Alex’s O.R.” I turn to walk away but Andrew gently grabs my arm.

“Whoa hey are you sure it’s a good idea to walk around here alone?” I see Helm roll her eyes out of the corner of my eyes but I ignore her.

“I’ll be fine I won’t be alone and I haven’t heard from him since the elevator. Besides Alex sounds pissed and as much as I want to see it I would rather Helm not be on the other side of his fury.”

“I heard that.” Helm says.

“You were supposed to.” I focus back on Andrew who still looks worried, “I’m gonna look for Jo in the gallery’s and Helm will take the lounge’s. You should get back to the pit though they’re probably still swamped. I’ve got this and I’ll call you if I need any help.”

“You promise?”

“I promise. Now go.” Andrew nods still looking concerned but leaves me and Helm in the hall, “Did you already look at this floor?”

“Yeah I checked the lounges and the patient rooms but I didn’t find her. I was gonna look at the surgical floor next, I got this you can go.”

“No, I’m coming with you.”

“Look I got this.” Helm snaps and I narrow my eyes at her, “You should go help your boyfriend in the pit god knows where else you helped him here.”

“Hey guys are the blood banks still locked I want to donate.” Qadri approaches us at the worst possible time.

I ignore her as I face Helm with an angry face, “Helm if you have a problem woman up and tell me to my face before I punch it.”

Dahlia widens her eyes, “Bad timing?”

“I would love to tell you all the problems I have with your privileged ass, but I don’t want to piss off Dr. Karev.” Helm states, “And unlike you I don’t have all the advantages handed to me in a silver platter.”

I get in her face, “You don’t know anything about me Helm. Nothing, so why don’t you try keeping your mouth shut about things you don’t know but of course that would render you a mute. My personal life is my business not yours to judge and insult, Dahlia got that when she found out and she agrees with me.”

Helm faces Dahlia in shock who looks at us in painful awkwardness, “You knew?!”

“Only for a tiny bit and it was an accident.” Dahlia explains.

Helm scoffs and turns back to me, “The only reason she’s cool with it is because you two didn’t work as hard as I did to get here.”

I roll my eyes at her, “God I swear it’s like you’re actively trying to make everyone hate you.”

“Yeah, well not everyone can be born pretty like you or have a famous last name or sleep with a senior resident.” I keep my temper even so I don’t deck her, “Some of us have to work harder than others and it makes us bitter especially towards people like you who had it easy.”

“Keep talking and I’ll make you work harder with a chipped tooth.” Dahlia gets in the middle.

“Guys can we save this cat fight for when the hospital isn’t falling apart? And besides don’t you have work to do?”

“Fine.” Helm says with indifference, “I’m not an invalid I can handle this on my own because you are the last person I want help from.”

“Well your wrong to think I’m helping you I’m helping my brother who would no doubt yell at you for stalling us and wasting time.” Helm closes her mouth at that and walks away from us. I groan at her before walking in the opposite direction. It aggravates me that Helm immediately assumes my life was easy and I had my success bought by my family.

If she knew even half the things, I went through growing up she would feel like the biggest idiot in the world. I almost want to tell her and make her eat her words but doing that would make me a pariah among the interns. I won’t give her that satisfaction, I’ll just have to beat her in an O.R.

I check the gallery above O.R. 3 and I find Jo sitting there alone observing the surgery, “Hey.” Jo looks at me with a startled expression, “I was looking for-”

Jo shushes me, “Be quiet.” I stop talking and I look to see that Jo isn’t just startled, she’s terrified. She looks at the surgery below with a frightened face that until now I’ve never seen on her. I close the door quietly behind me and take a seat next to her.

“What’s wrong?” I whisper to her to make her feel safe but it doesn’t work because she’s still looking at the surgery in frozen silence. More specifically she’s looking at the guy across from Dr. Grey as they operate on a woman. I recognize the man as Dr. Paul Stadler, I’ve researched him enough and used many of his cases for my classes to know who he is and what he looks like. I look to Jo and she’s still looking at him like he’s gonna jump up the gallery and kill her, “Jo what is it? Do you know him?”

“So Jo Wilson.” Dr. Stadler’s voice calls to me and I look down at the O.R. with her but with curiosity instead of fear, “Has she said some things about me?” Dr. Grey isn’t answering him and I begin to suspect she’s ignoring him, “I can only imagine. Was she drunk when she told you?”

“Suction and laps please.” Grey told the nurse and Stadler continues to reveal more information on what’s happening here.

“I think what Brooke craved from me was stability. I mean the way she was raised. Her mother abandoned her. She lived in her car in high school and I thought I could help her, save her. And for a few years I mean she was great.” I understand now what’s happening and why Alex wanted to find us. But I’m too stunned to ask Jo as we both listen to Paul’s side of the story intently, “But it didn’t last because she’s not stable, and she wasn’t able to hear that, ever. She would get…just awful if you tried to mention that she needed help. I wish…but she vanished with a lot of my money. Hey I mean if she’s got it figured out, then that’s all that matters. If she’s happy I’m happy too.”

I know that his words are just for show. I know this because I’ve grown up with abusive assholes like him whether it’s foster fathers or brothers and I know a guy hiding behind a peaceful persona when I see one. It takes a while for me to find the words and ask Jo what I already know.

“He’s your husband, isn’t he? The one you’re hiding from.”

Jo’s breathing goes shallow but she swallows and answers, “Yes.” I don’t say anything else I just hold her hand so she knows she’s not alone with him right now and she grips my hand for dear life as if she needs to be reminded of that too. I let her hold on to me as we observe her abusive ex husband operate below us.

[seascorchd]

.ೃ࿐ ( calum hood , cis man , he/him ) a little birdy told me TEDDY CORNISH just moved to sunset hills . have you met them yet ? they look somewhere around TWENTY-FOUR , if i had to guess ! pretty sure i heard them driving down the street playing IT WILL COME BACK by HOZIER , they sounded a little pitchy but they had the spirit ! must be their favorite or something . hey … it looks like they just moved into SUNSET VILLAGE . have you heard about what they do for a living ? someone told me they’re a MARINE BIOLOGY GRAD STUDENT , but who knows if that’s even true . guess we’re just gonna have to wait and see . nervous ? maybe you should be . sunset speaks just posted about them … apparently they’re RESIDENT ID 008? between you and me , i think that might spark some things in the community … but what do i know ! you guys might get along just fine ! ( finn , she/they , 24 , est . )

HI there !! I’m finn (she/they). feel free to hit me up here or on discord

s  t  a  t  i  s  t  i  c  s  

full  name ,  nicknames  :  jude theodore cornish, Teddy

age  ,  dob  ,  zodiac :  twenty-four  , novemeber 1  ,  scorpio

hometown  : las vegas, nevada

gender  ,  pronouns :  cismale  , he / him

orientation  :  bisexual , biromantic

height : 6′1″

relationship status :  single

occupation  :  marine biology grad student

positive traits  :   kind , patient , funny , loyal .

negative traits  :    reluctant , busy , tired , spread thin .

language(s)  spoken  :  english  -  fluent   ,   french  -  fluent

aesthetics  :   sunrise at the beach , homemade lunches , a fridge covered in kid’s art, music always playing, a winter bonfire.

TLDR: Teddy is raising his three sisters, after his mother’s passing. He’s in his first year of grad school and is trying to relearn how to be a young adult and not a parent.

a  b  o  u  t (tw: parental death)

It really all started when Josephine, teddy’s mother, met Jude Cornish in law school. He came from a long line of entertainment lawyers and had what she claimed were “good genes”. Marriage and children came from it with very little love

After Teddy’s birth, his father moved to California due to his inability to handle the pressure of being a father. It took four years before Jude would come back to Vegas, with the two attempting to fix the marriage for their image.

Three more kids and ten years later, it was clear that Jude and Josephine were never going to be the right fit for each other, ending in a messy divorce. He kept partial custody but never visited.

When Teddy was 18, his mother got into a fatal car accident, leaving him and his three sisters. Jude was given full custody of the girls, but Teddy took him to court as he felt he was unfit to have the kids in his life. With the help of his friends (who had Extremely Rich Parents), he was able to get together a legal team that eventually won Teddy full rights.

While this was great, he was then left with a twelve year old, a nine year old, and a six year old. He took two years off from college to be around for his sisters as much as he could before he went on to attempt a pre-law program.

He found himself very stressed and spread thin, leading him to make reckless and poor decisions. It took a lot of help, but eventually he realized that he did not love law and wished to go forward with his passion of Marine Biology. Moving away from the expectations of his mother helped him get back to the right path.

With his sisters permission, the four of them moved to California to allow Teddy to go through grad school. He’s stressed and overworked but grateful all the same.

[shinra-makonoid]

You mentioned numerous times that you pass. Do you have any advice? Because I mostly pass too when I'm directly speaking to people and they see the beginnings of my non consistent beard and dress up. But when they are father away or over the phone I get mistaken quite often. I started speaking in an intentionally low voice but that really comes across to me as unnatural. It doesn't help that I am very short 165cm. But I am fully transitioned and on HRT since 2018. I had mastectomy and bottom surgery (although thats irrelevant as in public no ones seeing that lol). I only mention this so you understand my chest is fully flat (I don't have manboobs either, I am fairly average in terms of body weight more leaning to being thin, but not slender).

I really don't know what I am doing wrong because often when people do mistake me and when I then begin to speak often they correct themselves by assuming I am just a very young guy, like 14 or something. (I am 24...) Although sometimes that is useful to get a cheaper ticket to amusement parks cause they don't even check for my ID it annoys me when people don't believe I am allowed to drink even when I do give them my ID.

It just annoys me in situations where people just come to the wrong conclusion and then people who didn't even question it sometimes change their perception as well. And then I have to awkwardly say "I know I have a high voice but that doesn't make me a woman" or something equally passive aggressive. Or I try to give them hints in hopes they correct themselves.

So do you have any tips to appear even more masculine? Because my clothes are not the problem, the hair also not (typical average haircut), the posture and body shape also not.

The things I would consider still feminine is the inability to grow a proper beard, my roundish head and body height and voice (although I would say it is not very high more like I understand it is ambiguous).

And I know there are people of all shapes and stuff but I really just want some pointers to what I can do even better. Because it apparently lies in all the combined details.

I would be very grateful for an answer like what you do to pass better. Maybe also some things you do subconsciously?

I'm sorry anon of what's you've been going through. I admit I'm not sure what I could tell you to pass better, because I don't really *do* much to pass. The beard certainly helps a lot, but I remember still being gendered as a male when I had to shave it to go to a part of the family I never see for a burial, and even pre T. My leg hair, my arm hair, my male pattern, my back hair, my shoulder hair, i'm basically hairy everywhere and I think all of that helps for me. And it's genetics so... Nothing you can really do about it.

My voice gets mistaken for a woman once in a while on the phone too, and I'm unsure if it has to do with high/low speech or speech pattern. People who lived as women usually have more variations in their voices when they talk compared to men, and I know I'm not very monotonous, especially since that I am happy I tend to be cheerful. I know it's because I have a "softer"/"cheerful" voice and it is something I want to keep to speak to patients. I think of it as a strength to gain trust and look empathetic and non threatening (which is needed considering the rest of my body, even with my size). On top of that it doesn't happen often because I'm rarely on the phone, so I just don't really think about it. If it bothers you on the phone, when you call someone you can start saying "hello I'm Mr. {name}" so that people have a cue on what gender you are. It's less passive aggressive too.

Maybe something you could do is work on your shoulders and arms? If they're more muscular, your hip/shoulder ratio will change and that will change how people look at you, both on the age and gender thing. No need to become a full body builder, just some more muscles on your shoulders and arms can lead to a change. I know you said that body shape wasn't the issue but I'm not sure what else you could change.

Time may change your face a bit, I know it certainly did for me in regards to my brows, even tho it's a little, I think it definitely also helps. And hair takes time to grow too.

Fat redistribution also takes time and when I was losing weight I was surprised at how much waist I lost, so doing sport can help losing the fat tissues that are still left from the pre T.

So... I hope this gives you some ideas. I've always had typical masculine mannerism so I guess this counts as subconsciously passing, but I would argue against behaving in a way you're not naturally behaving, because it's a tremendous amount of work. The same way I don't think you need to train your voice to sound unnatural to yourself.

Honestly the worst thing imo for myself is my height. I wished so much I was taller, but I'm trying to make peace with it. Actually thinking about it, two 2nd year students from medschool are my size/tinier, and it helped so much with my own confidence. Seeing other people like you is key to being comfortable in your own skin.

Hope this helps somehow.

[crapscicle]

Hello Dear, I hope you get my message while you're fine.🙏

I'm Ola, a graduate student from the faculty of science at Al-Azhar university Gaza, Palestine. I'm a dedicated and passionate student, striving to become a good researcher and teacher.

Unexpectedly, After October 7th, my life took a drastic turn with the commencement of the cruel war on Gaza, transforming me from a passionate student to a person struggling for survival. 🥺

I have created a campaign to help my family rebuild their lives and get the basic needs of food, drink, etc in these cruel conditions. And also it will help me to complete my education.

All of what I am asking of you is your support, you can support us by making a reblog of the pinned post on my page or by writing a post about my compaign, it would provide invaluable assistance in reaching more potential supporters and I would very grateful if you share the campaign link with your friends and family via mail or other social networking sites.❤️

I sincerely wish if you can empathize with my dire situation and consider supporting us. Please be certain that any help gets us closer to our goal and no matter how small your donation might be, it will make a significant difference in my family's lives.

I would be very grateful if you could follow me to stay updated, as I will always need your help.💔

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Thanks in advance for your kindness and support. I am waiting for your response ❤️

This is my GFM link:

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Please donate and/or share with others 🥺🙏🇵🇸

Sincerely,

Ola

everyone please consider helping ola!! she really needs what help you can give!!

as always if someone donates id live to make them something, write them a poem or song, make art for them etc♥️ plz just dm me

[jellyfishmika]

id like to think joel got ethos attention during 3rd life. mainly when joel came up to etho begging for food, who could blame etho if he got slightly hard from the way joel begged? those noises he made... he couldn't help it! (happens in ethos episode 2, 8 minutes in :3) he wished skizz wasn't there... but its ok! he barely knew joel at that point. impulse was so lost on who to go to. did he even have enough proof? he had the evidence of the shrine (although etho would have already moved it by the time impulse would return. he wouldn't dare destroy it, he spent so long making everything in there...) joel going missing was another good point of evidence. he doesn't actually have proof from the night he walked in on joel and etho, only his memories of it, would the others believe him?

maybe he could just go and ask etho about it directly, telling etho he KNEW what he was doing to joel. but what if impulse still somehow was wrong? maybe joel enjoyed being treated like this? he couldn't ask joel though, since he was nowhere to be seen. impulse was so stuck with what to do. maybe he'd ask bdubs if etho had ever been creepy to him, considering he knew the two were close.

oh anon... you are feeding me i love it. etho was definitely holding back then just because of skizz. joel sounded so pathetic there was no way etho didn't jerk off later just to that. he was so excited to be soulmates with joel in double life, actually having an excuse to be close to him for once. ever since then it just went downhill for joel.

etho immediately moved the shrine. he wanted to pack it all up, but he couldn't dare do that! he kept it close to where joel is now, quickly clearing out a space to make a quick room. he didn't want anyone finding it again, so instead of trying to make an elaborate redstone door, he just blocked it up. hopefully no one was going to start digging out underneath his base.

in response to this, etho spent almost all his time in joel's secret room with him. he didn't want to leave him, he was terrified. joel noticed this time, almost begging etho to let him take care of him. he wanted etho to be happy again, pay attention to him, use him, anything. joel couldn't be left alone again! he was so grateful etho was staying with him now instead of leaving, but he was worried.

after joel kept trying to get etho to open up to him, etho just told him that if anyone asks, joel asked for this. and... well, joel thought that was obvious. wasn't everything that's happened been all of his fault? if it would keep etho by his side, joel would do anything. no one else liked him, no one at all, he was nothing without etho. oh and just imagine this is the first time joel initiate anything at all, calm and collected too! he just wants etho to be okay again, it wasn't right seeing him all panicked and scared.

impulse would go and ask bdubs if etho had ever been... well strange towards him before. bdubs was just confused. etho was a great guy and an even better friend! he was just a silly guy, y'know impulse? he wouldn't do anything weird!

well... that really didn't help at all. maybe he should just go straight to etho. it wasn't the best idea, but seriously, what else could he do? etho was nowhere to be found in his own base. impulse went back to where the shrine was and... yeah, it's gone. of course it is. does etho know it was impulse that saw it? surely not. there was no way.

again, etho knew someone was in his base again. this time though? oh he left that room, joel right behind him. he told joel he had to convince whoever was there that he was here willingly, he was okay with everything happening to him. it was hard for joel to just.. adjust straight away. but he had to! if he didn't, something bad was going to happen to etho, it'd all be his fault again.

neither of them expected it to be impulse in etho's base, and impulse was just as shocked, and almost horrified to see joel there. i mean, he was still all beat up, his eye still trying to heal. poor impulse, he really should've kept everything to himself!