#if she was im sure hed be like “oh! im proud of you but you still killed Peter >:(” | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

imahoeforsokka · 5 months

Text

TTPD LIVE REACTION

1. Fortnight

I AM SO SAD

THIS HURTS

POST MALONE YAYAYAYAY

bro fucking cheated

WTF HAPPENED IN FLORIDA

2. TTPD

oh my god he fucking cheated

is he insane

genuinely

NO-FUCKING-BODY LMAO

CHARLIE PUTH AWW

this is so awful

i’m drowning

YOU TOLD LUCY WHAT????

SHE TOLD JACK WHAT?!!!!!????

he would not marry her i hate him

who else decodes you is insane

3. my boy only breaks his favorite toy

oh?? this is hot??

ok lana del rey relax

OH MY LORD

PUT ME BACK ON MY SHELF???

SAND CASTLES

THIS IS SO PRETYY WHAT

HE SAW FOREVER SO HE SMASHED UP.

HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND.

not ken

HE TOLD ME IM BETTER OFF BUT IM NOT. OUCH OUCH

4. down bad

ooooooo pretty

cosmic love ok

I MIGHT JUST DIE IT WOULD MAKE DO DIFFERENCE

HEAVEN STRUCK

HOW DARE YOU THINK ITS ROMANTIC

FUCK YOU IF I CANT HAVE US OH MY GOD

jesus he’s gone

5. so long, london

already brutal bc it’s a track five

rip london boy

oh this is COOL

OH MY GOD HER VOICE

oh the tragedy

YOULL FIND SOMEONE

GAVE YOU ALL THAT YOUTH FOR FREE.

ILL FIND SOMEONE.

quiet resentment

not sure if he wants to be THERE

YOU SWORE YOU LOVED ME, WHERE WERE THE CLUES?

I DIED ON THE ALTER WAITING FOR THE PROOF. OH MY GOD OH MY GOD.

cause i loved this place for so long, london.

that was insane holy fuck

6. but daddy, i love him

wait

is this about

no way??

is this

i feel like im wrong

ok update i was wrong

oh my god this is ouch

BEDROOM EYES LIKE A REMEDY

this is strangely fearless coded?

like mature fearless

this feels like love story got punched in the face?

BITCHING AND MOANING YES

VIPERS DRESSED IN EMPATHS CLOTHING!!!!!!

this is so pretty wow

but brings lovers,,, closer

okay wait i might have been right earlier omg

TRAVIS?

WILD BOY

i’m having is baby is HILARIOUS i love her

i think that was the transition of joe to travis and i’m obsessed

7. fresh out the slammer

ok wild west

pretty baby

another summer, taking cover

he was with her in dreams OK JOLENE

for just one glimpse of his smile

swirled you into all of my poems omg

AMERICAN DREAMS

IMAGINARY RINGS

i did my time

wow.

jack is KILLING IT HOLY HELL

8. Florida!!!

im already scared from track 1

weed or little babies is crazy

is one hell of a drug

hey florence

CHEATING HUSBAND DISAPPEARED

NO ONE ASKS QUESTIONS HERE

is that a bad thing to say in a song? OH MY GOD

ok DRUMS

they have a fun mix woah

ok we like florida cool ok

cool cool cool

shitstorm in texas

that’s so cool omg

9. guilty as sin?

ok hey drums

i have a love song inkling?

oh this is so pretty

mine on my upper thigh omfg

ok this is gorgeous

romantic asf

hey bible

i keep recalling things we never DID

ouch

downtown lights 😭

10. who’s afraid of little old me?

why is bro killing her geez

ok SPOOKY

what scandal

i’m so invested

we could all laugh until i cry

real

oh you SHOULD BE BITCH

ASLYUM

DRUNK ON MY OWN TEARS

oh this is CAMP

ok blank space

her VOICE god

that did not feel like 5 minutes wow

wow.

11. i can fix him

i’m so scared omfg

hello FOLK

this is so pretty wow

ok we are talking’ TEXAS

this shit is SOUTHERN

he just hadn’t met me yet

my man

wow

her VOICE

oh this is HOT

hey jack missed you

WOAH? MAYBE I CANT?

oh my god that was so

wow

12. loml

i. am. scared.

the time i was away??????? rep????

i felt i was better safe than STARRY EYED. OUCH

ONE KISS TO GETTING MARRIED

THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE

A MILLION TIMES

you took me to hell too

cinephile

black and white

YOU SHIT TALKED ME UNDER THE TABLE

BRAIDS OF LIES

ILL BE NEVER LEAVE NEVER MIND

LOSS OF MY LIFE.

JESUS.

ARRON GOD DAMN YOU

13. I can do it with a broken heart

hey pool

ok mastermind

oh my god tour

this hurts

geez

BITCH SMILE

HE SAID HED LOVE ME ALL HIS LIFE

CROWD WAS CHANTING MORE

IM SO DEPRESSED I ACT LIKE ITS MY BIRTHDAY

IM OBSESSED WITH HIM BUT HE AVOIDS ME

SHE IS SO PRODUCTIVE

i love the voices in the background so much omg

i’m glad she’s proud of herself

CAUSE IM MISERABLE!

AND NOBODY EVEN KNOWS!

ok that was awesome

i laughed out loud

14. the smallest man who ever lived

i’m scared

again

oh god

Jehovah’s witness suit lmao

ha they ghosted him

oh damn.

RUSTING MY SPARKLING SUMMER

OH DAMN

the breath christ

NOT THE PUSH PENS

showed her off barely

this hurts actually

i’m scared for the bridge

oh hello bridge

WOW

A GUN UNDERNEATH OUR BED

WOW

WILL THIS ALL BE DECLASSIFIED

WOW

YOU CRASHED MY PARTY AND YOUR RENTAL CAR

NORMAL GIRLS ARE BORING BUT YOU WERE GONE BY THE MORNING

holy

actual

frick

wow

15. the alchemy

hey beat ok

touch down ha

ok comeback song

THESE BLOKES WARM THE BENCHES

THATS HILARIOUS

hey LOVE SONG

she had her american revolution song

16. clara bow

i’m scared pt. 3927237

ok guitar

aww cute

hey taylor! pls don’t die, thanks!

DAZZLING

STEVIE NICKS

oh wow

this is stunning

demanding ‘more’

it’s hell on earth to be HEAVENLY

WOW

HEY TAYLOR SWIFT

you’ve got edge she never did

is crazy

ok that’s all bye (until 2 maybe?)

EDIT:

OKAY MAJOR UPDATE SHES INSANE

15 MORE

17. the black dog

oh my god

his location

it’s A BAR

i just don’t understand how you don’t miss me

she’s too young to know this song

do you hate me

was it hazing

six weeks of breathing clean air i miss the SMOKE

wow

18. imgonnagetyouback

ok skirt

you knew the price going in ohmygod

get him back olivia rodrigo??

this is so pretty

oh god the BRIDGE

ERAS FADING INTO GREY

19. The Albatross

ok hey FOLK

CROSS YOUR THOUGHTLESS HEART

oh my god this is GORGEOUS

this is so evermore???

idek

her voice wow

19. Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus

this opens quick wow

just say “i loved you the way that you were” christ

jesus

this is so beautiful wow

THE GLINT IN MY EYE TRACED THE DEPTHS OF YOUR SIGH

WOW

SCARLET MAROON

this is wow

will i always wonder

20. how did it end

we herby conduct this post mortem!!!

southern accent maybe a little??

this is so pretty wow

oh my god OW

DIDNT YOU HEAR THEY CALLED IT ALL OFF

THE BRIDGE OUCH

d-y-i-n-g OK JUST STAB ME TAYLOR

wow wow wow

21. so high school

CUTE???

SMOKING YOUR JOKES ALL NIGHT

this is so 90s???!???!??!

YOU KNOW HOW TO BALL, I KNOW ARISTOTLE!!;!,!,!,$;$;

TOUCH ME WHILE YOUR BROS PLAY GRAND THEFT AUTO?,?,!:!,,$,’

ok this is so cranberries

AMERICAN PIE IS SO CUTE

WOW

this is like making me giddy

ok AWWW

22. i hate it here

QUICK QUICK

AHHH

i’m there most of the year cause i HATE IT HERE

the 1830s w/o the racists and bids real

electriciTEE

obsessed

23. thanK you aMIee

okay here we go

i’m fearing for kim’s life

hometown

hey bully

fucK you aMIee is so funny

kim is shaking

this is kinda country

taylor is so sweet

DAMN ANDREA

that there wouldn’t be this if there hadn’t been you

wow

beat my spirit black and blue

wow

LMAO

AND SO I CHANGE YOUR NAME AND ANY REAL DEFINING CLUES

NORTH LMAO

okay she’s bat shit crazy for that

24. i look in peoples windows

pretty

hey jack!! (found him)

down down down down

im addicted to the “if only”

GOD

one more time

25. the prophecy

oh, but it’s gone again

I GOT CURSED LIKE EVE GOT BITTEN

ok we are in our religious parallel era wow

god WOW

still dream of him

howl like a wolf at the moon

coven around a sorcerers table

NO SIGN OF SOULMATES

GREIGE

sweet lord

26. cassandra

wow wow

i have nothing else to say

just

WOW

do you believe me now?

THE CHRISTIAN CHORUS LINE

not a single word was heard

27. peter

is it something i did?

god

promises oceans deep, but never to keep

this is beautifully tragic

you said you were gonna grow up

28. the bolter

oh my god.

town car speeding!

slam of a door, then he’ll call her a WHORE!!!!

ouch

this is so different

there’s escape in escaping

then came out alive

29. robin

you have no idEA

this is so bittersweet

wilder and lighter. for you.

30. the manuscript

hey piano

i’d give you my heart if you needed it

but soon it was over

and couldn’t sleep unless it was in her mothers bed

wow

ouch

all that’s left is the manuscript

ok i’m done that’s a perfect album

#taylor swift #the tortured poets department #ttpd #the tortured poets department the anthology #double album #taylor’s version

3 notes · View notes

dyketubbo · 1 year

Note

Transfem CWilbur hcs. Now.

why anon i am so glad you would honor me with this request

i think that cwilbur would probably keep her name because she looked up like name meanings and shit and was like hoooolllyyy shit my name is cool as fuck actually. i do also like the idea of her having a name based off of one of wilburs songs though. i admittedly misremembered vienna as sienna but i think both are cute so either of those also work as names for her

cwilbur to me is very like. obviously she knows about trans people her son is trans (i also like to see cclingy as trans but ctommy would have not transitioned yet and ctubbo just doesnt think to tell anyone if they dont think its necessary) and shes very proud of him! but shes also like. well at least fundy enjoys being a man because i sure dont this is miserable and everyone within a 5 mile radius immediately raises an eyebrow. i think being in pogtopia fucked her up about it because she started seeing people as being Afraid of her and for a reason she couldnt place being a Big Scary Crazy Man hurt in more ways than one but she was spiralling too hard to really analyze those feelings

and then in limbo all she Has is her own thoughts. and she comes back and shes manic and she considers telling everyone but but but but. tommy is looking at her with a shocked expression and tubbo isnt even talking and the new kid is trying to shield tubbo from her and suddenly all the feelings from pogtopia start rushing back and shes like oh. not enough to stop the mania but enough to sting hard enough, like a pin that she puts in the thought itself for another time

i thought the utah reveal was very funny. i also wish wilbur got to talk to more people, and i think that itd be interesting for him to talk to ghostboo whos like god i was SO scared for people to know this "real me", the me that everyone would be scared of, but now that i dont care about any of that anymore im free!! and wilbur would also talk to like. idk various others including more genuine convos with eret and with all of it eventually shes able to get to a calm resolution of. i need to be somewhere else when things are good enough that i can leave

and cdream dies (<-fully talking in terms of my rewrite now) and wilbur makes sure tommy is okay and everything and Then something similar to the utah reveal but like. slightly less mentally ill happens. wilbur is still sorta vague and tommy gets panicked and pissed thinking wilburs about to commit suicide again and wilburs like oh god no i just. i need to be somewhere else to change without everyones eyes on me. i dont like this me i think theres something deep inside me thats broken and im trying to repair it but i cant repair it if im This me. and tommy talks about how its all just One wilbur, just going through changes like everyone else but tommy and the people who matter love wilbur, no matter what kind of wilbur hes being, because hes still himself and thats the person they love, no general or president or ghost from the past, just wilbur. whoever he wants that person to be yada yada

and it sort of Clicks for wilbur in a sense. oh, this is all just one me, and im in charge. and people stick by me because im me no matter how much i change. and i think i know what changes i need to make (around this point is like. i think this would trigger the acceptance of ghostbur in a sense. i have complicated feelings about the ghosts but just know he and wilbur would truly be the same person through and through now). but i still need to go away for a bit. just a little. and tommy trusts her and she leaves for a bit and takes hrt and takes a while just to know that she likes the changes and when she does know she likes the changes she decides ok. this is who i want to be. this is Me. and comes back eventually to heal with everyone else too

misc hcs: i think she would actually prefer relying on hrt and breast forms to full top surgery. also dont think hed care about bottom surgery. she would still like her big coats and sweaters but she'd also wear skirts more often. maybe not dresses though unless its a formal event. also think she would grow out her hair a bit but not that much. in general like.. she doesnt change That much. shes still wilbur soot. but shes happier now and she looks more comfortable, like this is the self that she wants to be. i think she would feel like whatever broke inside her was slowly being patched back together

(and eventually, she realizes there was never anything broken about her in the first place. and she sits on a balcony and she still gets an intrusive thought about jumping but she knows she doesnt want to, not anymore. shes alive, and shes herself, and shes making the most of it.)

#angel answers #wilbur #dsmp #transfem c!wilbur #ig i may as well make a lil tag for her huh #vienna soot #<-just for tagging purposes if i talk about her in the future #jubilee is also a cute one but that would be very mentally ill to get her name from the song directly about suicide #even if itd be interesting as a 'death of the old self' type metaphor #but i think wilburs story works best as an acceptance of the self. no more suicide. no more death. just learning how to enjoy life again.#or maybe even for the first time

15 notes · View notes

hatgame · 1 year

Note

UMUMUM *shakes sputters shakes sputters*

HI IM THAT ANON THAT REQUESTED U DRAW MOONJUMPER THAT ONE TIME *i still cry in happiness abt that everyday btw thank you!!!*

BUT UHH...CANN U TELL ME MORE ABT UR THOUGHTS ON SWEETENED DEAL? (Snatcher x Cooking Cat) I THINK ITS REALLY CUTE OKAY BYE THANK YOU! *peddles away on my Dora big wheel bike*

oh hello :) im glad you liked that drawing! & sure ^_^ glad you like it too

i commonly see it interpreted as snatcher n cc acting as hats parents and while that's sweet its not how i see it at all. i like them a lot more as her adult friends who take care of her every now and then but ultimately leave and trust her to handle her stuff, not taking that much responsibility. im not sure what thatd entail but older sibling snatcher (to hat) is kind of fun i guess. EMPRESS IS BOWS AUNT FOREVER THOUGH this im hellbent on.

ok i think i wanna talk about how ccs relationship w hat n snatcher developed. i always thought of cc as someone hat is the most verbal with, relying everything that's happened to her to him. while enthralled, proud and concerned, i dont think ccs that protective of her, hes shown to be much less responsible than people usually write her as tbh. she trusts hats capabilities n skills but still definitely recognizes that she is a child in need of support, and shes certainly warm and affectionate with her, but at the same time its not intruding or obligate, like a parents affection.

i think cc would be somewhat intrigued by what's up w snatcher because their behavior is so puzzling, probably especially so from hats retellings. once snatcher becomes a regular on hats ship (not his territory=cant assert hinself as much as he does in forest), where they probably meet, i dont think shed be intimidated at all, because i dont honestly think hed try to create that impression (it certainly didn't in the cut cafe scene. like, youd expect them to force someone to pay for them, but they're just kinda docile. they cant even get the people around them to answer their question lol)

i think snatchers like immediately completely pacified by ccs presence. i dont think theyd speak at all either. its lije those silent films where you have to rely on expressions and body language to tell what means what. its a little funny abd disarming because its clear they DO want to get something across, and thats a friendly gesture. it signals engagement abd cintact being established. snatcher would probably struggle with non scripted speech so this sort of communication would probably feel the least threatening. also would add to their already strange and interesting image in ccs mind

while idk how likely snatchers would be to actually do that ive been imagining him curling up in the pillows and napping only to wake up to cc sleeping either on top of or near them, since cuddle piles are probably common among cats + ccs impulsive. they probably would straight up forget to react. maybe they wake up to cc kneading them, make eye contact. one of them remembers cat social cues and slow blinks. other one slow blinks back. snatcher lies back down allowing itself to be kneaded. cc lies down on it. it changes position to be closer to it. not a single word said the whole time. its never brought up again but not forgotten.

uhh if they do eventually begin dating and hats there to witness it she probably wouldnt care much. bow would go awwwww Aawww though. mu is disappointed in ccs taste but probably warms up to snatcher eventually since they have a lot in common + snatcher mu friendship real and important to me

Ok this is not all but ill stop now. hope you enjoyed :) thank you for the ask. i really really loved dora the explorer as a kid

#text #dove dont look #sweetened deal

12 notes · View notes

lolita-lollipop · 3 years

Note

Hizashi and Aizawa kidnapping a young teenage girl, and her bonding and quickly finding comfort with Hizashi, leaving Aizawa to awkwardly attempt at being super soft and all the more gentle to his sensitive little girl, his heart panging with pain every time she flinches or cowers away from him. “You don’t need to be scared of me, kitten.. please”

your little acts of favoritism weren’t necessarily intentional, you hated both of them. they were your brothers teachers, and whoop dee doo, they kidnapped you. but... you liked hizashi more.

it was just something about him that made you believe he was some form of comfort item, probably because he wasnt brooding, and didnt have a mean face, and he was the first human yud ever seen in this place, that all combined into one and he became your rock, your shoulder to cry on. he was just... so nice, although his quirk was loud, somehow he managed to speak softly with you. it was such a bright contrast to at home where two firey blondes always scream at each other, and your father tries to calm it down.

on your first night ever here, you had tried to jump out the window, and were captured by the thick scarves you once admired, hed lectured you, yelled at yiuu even, all you could see were those red eyes of his, and hear his voice. and he scared you, he scared you so much. i guess it justtranslates to now, first impressions are everything, and to you, he looked like a big scary man who would yell at you.

eventually, you stopped caring about how you hated him, or how you wanted to leave, as you clearly never were. so, instead of glaring at them, or crying, you accepted the fact that he was taking care of you. hizashi, hizashi was taking care of you... aizawa though? no way in hell, he was just so... you'd never seen him with a smile, he never tried to talk to you, he just kinda watched you, and it freaked you out, at some point you started believing he was trying to kill you, don't even ask how you came up with that conclusion.

you just couldn't manage to warm up to hi as you'd done so quickly with hizashi, and it showed. you were always tense when alone with him, like he was going to jump out at you any second and stab you, you didnt talk to him , sometimes you felt so anxious around him that you would outright start crying, shaking in some form of fear, or hide yourself under a blanket. although hizashi was proud that you loved him so much, he knew that this was hurting his husband, that his own little girl was scared of him.

so he would always try to coax you into doing things with him, saying things like "can your papa come and help" or "how about we have papa do this with you while I make lunch?", just trying to get him included so you would feel just as comfortable around him as you were with his own self. Sometimes he just left the room to let you have alone time with him. He’d even lectured his husband about how he always looked angry, and that he has to smile form time to time, and not the creepy “I’m gonna kill a villain” smile.

And so Aizawa started trying, not trying to be like hizashi, even that was too much for him, but trying to be nicer, he was a gentle person when he wanted to be, so this came with ease for him, he would tuck you in at night, read you stories, hold you if you cried, feed you, help you bathe (which you usually liked hizashi to do, and in general, inserted himself as a gentle roger in your life. You would expect taht this would work, that because he was so nice to you, because he was so sweet like hizashi, you would accept him as your father.

But nope! Again, first impressions are everything to you, and now, he was written off as the villain of you story, now, you jsut ran off to papa whenever he was around, and didn’t even give him the chance to hang around you, it just made it worse honestly, because now, not only did he look scary, but he also looked fake, which is never good. Every time he would try to if you, you would clutch onto hizashi for dear life, acting like his hand would do nothing but burn you.

Tears would cloud your vision, and he would pulle back, not wanting to cause you any more pain, and jsut stare in. Pure jealousy at his husband, who cooed and gave you a hug.and guess what? You hugged him back, and hid yourself in his chest, willingly, without a fight, without a tear, instead with a smile, most of the times mic wouldn’t interfere, wbatigg ns this to everyone a safe space for you, a place where you should naturally do things, but sometimes, he would give you little bushes int he right direction. Like disappearing completely for my he house so you’ll be forced to talk to Aizawa.

This is one of those times.

Yo been wandering the house for about ten minutes now, waking up form a nap, to find mic absent from his usual place in the rocking chair at your bedside. It was a little after lunchtime, and they’d only given you a small cup of fruit for breakfast (intentional, from mic), you were fairly hungry, and usually he was there to give you food, but you had no idea where he was, you had heard the… other one on the phone in their shared office, but you did not want to talk to him right now.

Aizawa could tell you were awake by the fact that all of the cats were meowing like crazy, and little pattering footsteps had followed his hearing around, mic had left abruptly, probably some little plan of mischief again, he was hizashi after all. He was just waiting for you to either 1: go back to bed, or 2: come to him for help. Mic had specifically told him to follow these rules for after nap time, so he did. And grew progressively more worried as over twenty minutes, trying to read through his students grading work, too distracted by the urge to go find you to accomplish anything.

His worries dissipated though when he saw your little head poking through the door, cat in hand, confused and tired looking, small tears beginning to prick th corners of your eyes, little sniffling sounds left you. His wha specked up form the desk, you’d given up walking around the whole house, your restarting had slowly pent up, you couldn’t manage to find him, and you were so hungry.

“Oh- hey honey, I didn’t know you were up. Do you need something?” He questioned, smiling intently at you, you just inched back into the door frame, breathing heavier by the moment, your hands shook and your head felt like it was going to explode at any point. Youbcontenoajted runnign back to your room and waiting till mic came out where you could hear him, but your stomach grumbled, reminding you how hungry you really are.

“I’m- im looking for daddy. Where is he.” You spoke, a very hushed tone overtook your words, making them almost inaudible for him. His face sunk slowly, he tougher you were actually gonna come for him, but the he remembered taht patience is key, and that he shouldn’t get mad, because it is t your fault taht you’re just a little sensitive, too fragile to handle more than one attachment, he gets it. He jsut at least wanted you to look at him, instead did your little feet, I’m Ayer if you could meet his eyes the. You would see how much he loves you.

“Oh, he left a. Little while ago. Is there something you need from him? Your papa can give him a call if you want, you could even talk to him!” He exclaimed excitedly, plastering that happy smile across his face to seem more inviting, liek mic had told him to do. He stood out of his chair, rounding up the papers and putting them in his file folders.you tried to sink back furthers, almost disappearing behind the doorway, you shook your head aggressively, almost running off, then yet again, your stomach made another noise, and forced you to stay.

“I- no. I’m- im hungry-“ you spluttered, not caring if it was embarrassing that you were stuttering so much, you just wanted food. And calling mic would just get you a lecture on how you could’ve just asked your papa, the same thing would happen whenever you went to uncnecesary lengths to avoid the man, your daddy would make sure you knew that it made him feel bad, while you’d at there bored. Not caring, at all.

“Oh- well you should’ve told me sooner kitten, if I’d known I would be up already. Cmon, let’s go to the kitchen, your daddy made you some food earlier” he spoke, rising from his chair slowly, you cowered slightly as he walked over, clutching the little kitten right to you for comfort, he mewed and snuggled closer, completely asleep. The man sighed when he saw you backing away from his grasp, he knew you were still scared. But he was just so impatient… he was tired of waiting, he wanted to hold you, even if it was jsut foena few minutes. He needed it feel you there with him.

Is he acted quickly, moving in a matter of seconds, he swooped his arm under your leg, and hooked his other around your torso, pulling you straight up into his grasp. Youu huh froze, his hands felt cold as ice on your skin, like they were burning you, immediately after he started walking, it snapped you out of it and you threw a fit. You dig your fingernails into his skin, and kicked and flailed in a panic, still trying to keep the little kitten in your lap safe. A full blown panic washed over you, clogging all your senses.

The dam holding back tears form your eyes crashed, and immediately you were sobbing, biting at his shoulder to let you go, he tried to rub your back to calm you down a bit, but just made it worse, as his hands felt like living anxiety creeping up and down your spine. He didn’t know what to do, let you ride it out, andkk no possibly have you get sick because of how much your crying in an empty stomach? Or let you down and go straight back to square one.

Your veined felt like pure ice had flooded in them, and it felt liek someone was repeatedly jabbing you in the head with tiny needes, fear was jsut so prominent in your sense, it overcame you, and made you whimper and scream.

“Whoah, breath for me alright? I just want to hold you. I’m not going to hurt you okay? I would never hurt you. Kitten… you don’t have to be scared of me” he spoke, trying to keep a proper computers, he wanted to cry with you, he wasn’t a very soft or emotional man but honestly, he was so upset with himself already, this was jsut pushing him for the edge. You cried, and cried, at some point you weren’t even crying and screaming at him, more with him. He held you close, you’d stopped the struggle almost five minutes ago, letting him hold you. It was odd. It almost felt… nice.

“I-I’m sorry. I’m being stupid again” You alien through your remaining little hiccups, shove my your face into his shirt, smelling the woody scent he carried around with him. He cooed, letting you hide yourself from him, savouring this soft moment was of top priorirty in his head… you jsut looked so sweet, so different from those harsh cries that would sound usually whenever he came around.

Who would think, shouts aizawas hand couldn’t feel nice? The same ones that had just been burning you, the ones that made you scream, felt like a breeze on a spring day, he actually felt warm, he felt like happiness, like contentment.

“No hon, it’s not stupid. Your scared. I know that, we all get scared and it’s not a bad thing, I love you, I really, really love you kitten. Just know that” he continued on with his little speech, leaving down to kiss you in the forehead, Jsut to be suprised when you didn’t flinfh, you were too tired to be scared; and too hungry, plus, he was really warm, the cat had pretty much snuggled up to him already, who says you shouldn’t.

“I- um- I love you… to?” You spoke, more of a question than anything, you’d spent so long Harding him that you didn’t know if you even could love him, it didn’t even feel possible, then again, you litterally cling to hizashi like a koala, and your mental state has relaly said “swoopity swoop” and scattered itself everywhere. Maybe having two comfort items was actually better than one… huh.

“Well, let’s go eat then. All taht crying probably made you tired, I’ll let you watch a movie in my office, you can watch pinto again, I know you love taht one. Cmon, let’s go” he spoke, and started walking again, you cuddled closer to him as he did, smiling slightly at the warmth. Hizashi was very extravagant, exiting, and hyper, this man felt very cool, calm, it was such a dark contrast, but it worked so well. You jsut… you Jsut liked it.

Well… now we’ll just have to wait and see who’s the favorite

———————————————————————————————————

Thank you for requesting! It was super fun to write and had me feeling super happy when I finished :)

I’m thinking about doing yandere todoroki family asks, because I’m litterally in love with @i-cant-sing one… so, requests are open for those if you want to put them in (please do I’m begging)

Anywho, have the most wonderful to days today! Goodbye!

#platonic obsession #platonic yandere #soft yandere #yandere my hero academia #yandere platonic #yandere #yandere poly #yandere erasermic #yandere Aizawa #yandere hizashi #yandere hizashi yamada #yandere shouta aizawa #yandere present mic #yandere eraserhead #yandere x reader

788 notes · View notes

words-for-holland · 3 years

Text

Always Yours

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Sometimes dating a celebrity is hard...but Tom & Y/N have always said no matter what happens they could get through anything. Some angst but a lot of fluff.

A/N: So sorry for leaving yall hanging! Life is just crazy right now and this blog needs a lot of TLC tbh!! Also ehh I def dont think this was my best work but enjoy?

“Oof” Y/N lets out as she plops on to her boyfriend who was lying comfortable on the couch. Tom groaned at the impact with a cheeky smile on his face, his arms instantly wrapping around Y/N’s frame.

“Y’know..there are empty seats right there.” The soft brown-eyed boy gestured with the flick of his thick head as Y/N raises her eyes looking down at him, pretending to be slightly offended.

“Oh I see how it is then. It’s cool...Ill just cuddle with Tessa instead. I know she would welcome me with open arms instead of—” As she slowly starts getting off his chest, Tom is quick to pull her back in, securing her with his strong arms. “No baby, I was just kidding. I want you right here, and Im never letting you go.” he pleas.

The only thing Y/N could manage was letting out a fit of giggles into his chest, a sound that Tom adored and would do absolutely anything to hear every minute of every day. They stay like this for a while enjoying the feeling of each other as they both run their hands into each others hair, the feeling of their chests moving up and down, the subtle thumps of their heartbeats, and the little slips of adoration that came out of their mouths. It was peaceful. A moment that nobody could really take a way because it was theirs.

Y/N casually pulls up her phone, and scrolls through Twitter when she noticed a particular tweet on her timeline. Her eyebrows furrow, as she read the 160 character message.

Why Tom Holland Should Be With Aaliyah Cole and Dump Y/N: A Thread.

She knew it wasnt a good idea to open up the thread. She knew very well that everything within the shallow string of tweets would be a complete waste of her time because it was made up by fans who just wanted to satisfy their fantasy of shipping Tom with his co-star. Who can blame them? They always had great chemistry, but it was part of the job and thats all it would ever be.

“You’re awfully quiet.” Tom murmurs, as he places soft kisses at the crown of her head. “Whats going on?” She was lucky her phone was facing away from Tom, quickly closing the app and pretending to be on one of her many tabs in Safari.

“Mmm..nothing.” Y/N lies softly, a tight-lipped smiled plastered on her face.

“Absolute bullocks. Youre not a very good liar.” He chuckles. “Tell me darling. Whats on your mind?”

Y/N rolls her eyes in response. She’s heard that comment one too many times in her life from everyone shes known. After not giving it much thought, she gives in, sighing heavily. “Dont judge me for what Im about to say.”

“Mmm...I think it might depend on wha— Ow” Tom reacts as he playfully rubs the side of his chest that Y/N hit. “Okay too soon for jokes. Go on.”

Again, Y/N sighs as she props herself up. “Its just ... well a lot of your fans keeps talking about wanting you to get with Aaliyah.” She looks down trying not to make eye contact with Tom, who she’d imagine was looking at her with annoyance.

Tom rolls his eyes at the ridiculousness. Not so much at Y/N but the fact that some of his fans just didnt want to accept the fact that he was happy with Y/N. If it had to come from his mouth to stop the stupid rumors and give his girlfriend peace, then hed gladly yell it from the rooftops for everyone to hear. “Thats it Im making a statement about it.”

Y/N’s eyes widen in fear, scrambling to prevent him from grabbing his phone on the table next him. “No no no no.” She repeatedly declines. “You’ll only make it worse.”

“Darling, Im not going to stand here and watch you get all insecure because of their delusional ship.”

“Yeah well Im not gonna be the reason your fans hate me because Im getting in the way of your friendship with Aaliyah Cole.” She fires back.

Tom was ready to open his mouth only to be cut off once again. “And you know better. That is how your fans will always see it.”

“Okay, are you done?” He calmly asked, cautiously observing her. Rarely did Y/N ever get worked up about anything, but when she had her tangents, Tom always made sure she got off everything she needed to say before he becomes her voice of reason.

“Yeah, I guess.” she says feeling defeated. “Look its whatever and Im tired, can we just let this go and forget this whole conversation even happened?”

Tom was unconvinced, but didnt want to push her further. So reluctantly, he gave in and wrapped his arms around Y/N as they both tried to lull themselves to sleep.

***

Y/N wasnt sure how she ended up in the Tube. It was strange how the lights flickered off the rusted tile floor. The train was no where to be seen, but off to the side of the railroads was pitch black, she could hardly see beyond. To her right she noticed herself standing in the corner of the room, and to her surprise Aaliyah was there. Her milk chocolate kissed skin, and fashionably long frizzy hair dropped down past her shoulders. Her figure long and poised, as she wore a rain jacket and sweats. An outfit only she could pull off and make it look like she was a model for Vogue. Aasliyah smiles brightly at Y/N.

“Hey Y/N.” She says cheerfully as a genuine friend would.

To Y/N’s surprise she greeted her back in the same tone. “Hey Aaliyah...uhh whats going on?” Y/N wasnt sure if she wanted the answer of how they both ended up in the Tube or if she truly wanted to know how her day went.

“Well Im getting ready to present at the Oscars.” She replies, a smile plastered as if she was so excited about it, almost too excited like she was keeping a secret.

“Really? Oh my god, that’s amazing! Im so proud of you Aaliyah! Who are you taking?”

Aaliyah pauses for a few moment looking back and forth, making sure no one else was around. “Okay can you keep a secret?” She whispered.

Y/N nods her head slowly, not having the slightest clue of what was going on. “Im taking Tom. I think he really likes me, and well...I like him too! Do you think maybe I should ask him when we go?” Aaliyah asked genuinely. It was almost like she had no recollection of Y/N and Tom being a couple. “I think we would look good together. Everyone is already making rumors and ships about us.”

Y/N backs aways lowly only to bump into a broad figure. As she turns around she sees Tom, emotionless and almost sad. “Y/N.” He speaks out. “I dont think this is going to work out. Im leaving you.”

Y/N’s heart quickens, and her breaths become shorter as she tries to find a way to run. Running and running into the darkness, until all she could hear was Tom’s faint voice calling out her name.

***

“Y/N! Y/N! Baby wake up please.” Tom cries as he gently shakes his girlfriend from her disturbed sleep.

Quickly Y/N opens her eyes and clutches on to Toms hoodie firmly. Back home, and in Toms arms. It was a dream was all she thought. A sigh of relief escaping from her mouth.

“Darling...” he speaks softly, worried about his girlfriend. “Are you okay?”

Y/N looks up at him and nods frantically. “Mmm..bad dream.”

“Yeah it seemed like it. You were so frightened...I was scared. What happened?” He’s looking at her, trying to read her saddened eyes, wanting to desperately understand what scared her so he could make it all go away for her.

Y/N looks down at her fiddling hands, as she sits on the couch. “I uhh...” she lets out a chuckle, thinking of the ridiculousness of it all. “I uhh...dreamed about Aaliyah going to the oscars and saying how she loved you and how you two are perfect for each other. When I turned around I saw you but you werent happy and said you were leaving me.”

Tom doesnt say a word, all he could think about was how sorry he felt to put Y/N in this position. Though both of them knew, It wasnt Toms fault, or anyone’s for that matter. Feelings are feelings and that was okay. No human being was ever born perfect and without insecurities.

Y/N always tried to be a good sport with situations like this knowing every shippers theory and evidence were hardly ever true, but at some point there was only so much she could take before it all came out like an oil spill. Maybe it was a sign that she wasnt good enough to be with Tom if half of his fanbase thought this way as well.

Tom cradled her into his arms again, holding her tightly and kissing the top of her head. “Darling, I know youre still doubting yourself about all of this, but please believe me when I tell you that I love you so so much and no matter what happens...Im always yours.” He whispers gently in her ear. “It was only a dream and these ridiculous rumors and theories are just that. No one woman in the world could ever make me feel the way I feel for you.”

Y/N blinks softly, as she stares into space. Afraid and in a weird way ashamed, its funny how something so small and so minimal could affect her self-esteem so greatly. Tom gently brings her head up, so her eyes can meet his. He rolls his thumb on the bottom of her soft lips. “Hey, I love you.” Tom smiles.

Time stopped for the both of them the moment Y/N looked into his eyes, she felt safe. All the bad words and thoughts slowly disappear. Tom was right, none of the things that anyone said about their relationship mattered. She knew Tom loved her, and how much she truly loved him. Isnt that enough? Of course not. It was more than enough. A smile slowly forming on Y/N’s face. “Theres that smile I love so much.” He comments.

“Im sorry, for being such a —”

“No. Its okay. You have a right to feel the way you did.” He picks up her hand and leaves a gentle kiss.

“I love you so much Tom.” She says pressing her lips to his. “I dont deserve you.”

“Darling, its me that doesnt deserve you. Im always yours.” Tom proclaims as he kisses her back.

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #peter parker #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader

288 notes · View notes

adpiratecore · 2 years

Text

Got sent a ton of numbers from the ask game post by the ever lovely @rovah17 via pm!

So here we go!

4. What are you looking forward to?

My camping trip! My birthday is next week, so me and the Boys are driving all the way to Utah (22 hrs) to camp and hopefully dig for crystals!

5. Is there anyone that can always make you smile?

My lovely fiance and partner :)

6. Is it hard for you to get over someone?

Absolutely. Still not over the girl i dated freshman year of highschool, genuinely thought she was an ethereal being and had full plans to marry her.

10. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

Sure! If you dont know me. Once uget to know me my shit is obvious lol

11. Are you listening to music rn?

Nah im listening to asmr lol

12. What is something you want right now?

I want a giant minecraft creeper plush. Like. Body pillow size. (Oh my god what if there was one of those overly sexual body pillow covers but with a creeper--- i would buy that ngl. As long as it wasnt super sexual lol)

13. How do you feel right now?

Honestly? Kinda depressed. Ive been in a weird funkrecently.

15. Personality description

I dont ever post about it, but I've actually got DID (dissociative identity disorder) so that one's hard to pinpoint? But i guess the "singletsona" or the mask we put on for basically everyone we're not close with is "chaotic nerdy punk"

16. Have you ever wanted to tell someone but you didnt?

Well, my partner (as mentioned above) is a fairly new relationship. Not even a month yet new. And we went to this convention together! Anime midwest! And we were sitting out by the fountain in the area where cars pull in for drop offs and deliveries. And all i could think about was "this would be a perfect area for a first kiss" but i chickened out and thoughtit was too soon and what if they get weirded out and--- they still dont know.

17. Opinion on insecurities.

So honestly? I think its good to have some insecurities. Like i think if everyone walked around thinking they were perfect all the time, there would be no growth as human beings, emotionally i mean. I have plenty of insecurities myself, BUT this reminds me of how many people ask me for fashion advice! I dress very alternatively and really adore my fashion style and ive yet to get a negative reaction from someone. Besides the point though, i once answered that question with "Wear what makes you want. If it makes you happy it looks good, and if someone's staring it means your hot." That just kinda randomly spewed out of my mouth and the person was like "wow thats kind of inspiring"

20. What is your favorite song at the moment?

Oh gosh good question!! Kind of depends on the vibe really, but the one i get most excited for and always sing along to is Flight Of The Crows by Jhariah

21. Age and birthday?

21!! 22 on july 26th :D

23. Fear(s)

That everyone secretly hates/dislikes me and is only keeping up relationships bc they want something out of me :)

25. Role model

Honestly i dont think i have a role model atm! I try not to compare myself with people, so my brain has turned that into dont try to be like anyone. If i reeeeeally had to choose though, my elementary school (?) Art teacher. He not only helped me with the first art project i was ever proud of, he also would be playing guitar as we walked into class and when he stopped and we thought he was done and started clapping, hed start playing again. He even played behind his head if i recall correctly!

27. Things i hate

I hate cringe culture. I also hate fast fashion. I also hate anything that makes fun of children for their interests.

28. I'll love you if...

My love language is touch, and i have chronic pain, THEREFORE, if you give me a massage im legally required to marry you. Before we started dating, i was making waffles for my partner and complained about my shoulders. They randomly came up and gave me a massage! They're stuck with me forever now (sorry babe i dont make the rules)

31. 3 random facts

AAAA I TELL THIS ONE TO EVERYONE! Any bees you see outside the hive (aka worker bees) are female! All the males are drones and only serve as reproduction matter. Had a (female) boss tell me "thats not true, they're called "worker" bees" n i looked at her, at her job, and was like "what are you doing right now"

Link, from legend of zelda, is canonically androgynous! He was designed to be able to connect with on a personal level, and therefore whatever gender the player wanted him to be

My initials are MEM and i have a friend who wanted me to marry someone whos last name started with E so we could hyphenate the last names and make my initials MEME

32. Are your friends mainly girls or guys?

Mainly girls and nonbinary folk!

33. Something you want to learn

BLACKSMITHING

34. Most embarrassing moment

Idk if this is the MOST embarrassing bc memory bad but i was on my first date with my last ex, we were bowling and it was a double date with two of their friends. They get up to bowl and as theyre trying to head to the ball dispenser, i move to touch their butt as a joke (they didnt mind we were both v touchy) and they moved away right as i did so i missed and fell off the bench. They didnt even notice lol!

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

I want a farm. Not any sort of big thing, just enough acres for a few animals, a nice garden, and some bees. And maybe a blacksmith workshop.

On that farm, i want a divination shop! Just a little building with a front room for supplies and such, but the main attraction are the two back rooms. Decked out with tapestries and blankets and pretty fabric decorating the walls and ceilings, super comy couches or chairs around a beautiful table where we host readings of all sorts. Tarot, rune, bone throws, ect.

As soon as the farm starts up this one will likely be done, but to fill the time between now and then (bc farm is end goal) id love to be a theatre costume designer! Head honcho would be best, but honestly I'll take any position sewing :)

40. Favorite memory

Again, memory bad, but a good one is taking pictures of the highschool ex i thought i was gonna marry. I was in a photography class, and at the time planned on being a photographer professionally, so we ran around her neighborhood (she lived in a really nice area) and took pictures! Theres one of here where the sun speckles in and makes a bunch of "orbs" and it looks like shes surrounded by faeries.

51. Starsign

Leo sun, gemini moon, libra rising

52. Something you're talented at

I dont really think im talented at anything, but if i didnt say singing i think my friends would have me on a stake lol

53. 5 things that make me happy

Bees, stuffed animals, finishing costumes, my partners, and puppets!

55. Tumblr friends

Honestly i rlly dont have people i talk to consistently here, but id definitely say @rovah17 is one of em!! Thanks for being sweet bro :)

59. Why i joined tumblr

I was 14 and my friend i roleplayed with every single day told me i had to check this site out. Idr her reasoning, probably smth about fandoms, but ive been stuck ever since. I wish i could remember my first url lol!

That was long and i talked far too much but that was really fun to write!!!

#scouts log

2 notes · View notes

sanchoyo · 3 years

Text

danny phantom season 2, eps 1-5 thoughts! opening the new season with episodes like these kinda blew me away. we had multiple serious episodes INCLUDING a two parter!! also, valerie :)

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-I don't know what I expected s2 to open with. but danny portal incident in more detail was not it. (also, I hate to break it to you, sam, but danny's parent's bigass ghost hunting rv def chugs more gas than those vehicles, lmao. unless it runs on ectoplasm or something...)

-WHY WAS DESIREE IN THE SEWER? HAVING TEA WITH IT DOWN THERE?? Her making the giant cow come alive is a boss move, we've almost had all of my fav animals as ghosts now <3 I also don't like how sam was expecting danny to just, haunt the place so the cars wouldn't get sold? I KNOWWW I know she's 14 (and I had a very annoying phase like this, I think I mentioned in a previous post, I GET IT) but they're HIS powers, and messing with (1) dealership will not really put a dent in sales overall because they can just move the cars to another sales lot, and it certainly wont change the industry anyway, it's more of a minor annoyance for (1) location. Also, usually people who work at car sales places work on commission, so if they dont make a sale, they don't have money to pay bills, or eat. sam baby if u wanna be an activist you need to like, actually look into these things. with as much money as her parents have, she could be doing a lot..more useful things for causes she cares about? it's frustrating to see someone with resources who doesn't know how to use them. but shes 14 so again. cannot be really upset :/

-IS THIS A PREDATOR VS TERMINATOR VS FREDDY KRUEGER MOVIE BUT THEYRE ALL WOMEN?? you know, sam is so right to be excited about this. /I/ want to see this movie. that rules

-paulina inviting danny and friends to her quinceañera, aw! even if it is just to get phantom to show up :') and there'll be a meteor shower, and we KNOW danny wants to be an astronaut!! there's not a meteor shower every night!! the tickets are non-refundable, but..she's rich? like. gotta agree with danny, they never get invited!! I KNOW it's the principle of keeping promises, but if she was that upset, she should've said something. directly. I hated how she was like, passive aggressive about it through the episode, like you SAID IT WAS FINE, THAT YOU'D GO TO THE PARTY TOO. MOVIES SHOW FOR A FEW WEEKS IN THEATERS. IF YOU HAD A REAL PROBLEM YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT. WE'VE HAD THIS PROBLEM BEFORE, SAM. YOUR FRIENDS. ARE NOT. MIND READERS.

-MR. LANCER GOING AFTER THE GHOST WITH THE FIRE EXTINGISHER LMAO

-this outfit is everything . anytime the show does an over the top cutesty pink outfit i WANT IT. it looks like shit I wear JKASDHF I HAVE a bow like that and a pink sweater. I need leg warmers </3

-SAMS GOTTA RE-HALF-KILL HIM??? thats fucked up. but also, he finally got his logo!! it took until s2!!! this episode was lowkey very fucked and I felt like it glossed over a lot. does sam have guilt about like. kinda KILLING HIM?? I know, he also agreed and walked into the portal. but. she made the choice to redo it SO quickly (even if it was because someone had to beat desiree) and danny, during their fight, brought up a lot of stuff sam's done in the past, meaning he was holding onto those memories and resentment was building. (I KEEP SAYING HE LOWKEY NEEDS THERAPY, BUT I THINK MOST EVERYONE IN THIS SHOW KINDA DOES) which...is a red flag? and then they didnt even GO to the party URGH I know she tried to make up for it, but it really felt like Sam fucked up and barely faced any consequences and got everything she wanted in the end. I KNOW it's a kids show obv they aren't going to go too in depth, and she undid the damage, kinda, but...I DUNNO how to articulate it but it rubbed me the wrong way.

-but on a note about desiree, her powers of wishes were STRONG ENOUGH TO ERASE NOT JUST THEIR MEMORIES, BUT DANNY'S POWERS?! fuck, if I was danny I'd be like, trying to make friends with her. I know they always have horrible side effects as most genie-granted wishes do, but...c'mon, I'd at least TRY to be like 'I wish no ghosts would hurt anyone in my town' or 'I wish vlad would lose his ghost powers forever no matter What and also forget about my mom' LIKE. SHIT DESIREE IS SO POWERFUL. rewriting reality powerful, basically!! appreciate her. respect her.

-aww, sam helping tucker pass the nurse's office so he wouldn't see because he's afraid of medical stuff? very sweet. I also don't like medical stuff, I've gotten a lot better at handling it tho. but seeing blood and needles still makes me feel lightheaded x_x

-FOLEY, BY TUCKER FOLEY. I want to make my own perfume, that's so cool. even if his first attempt isn't good, he's pretty consistently shown to have an inventor/entrepreneur streak in the show, so like. I can see him inventing or making something (or several somethings) that make him $$$ when he grows up :) proud of my creative son

-I know the 'creepy abandoned hospital on the edge of town' is a joke and the creepy hospital trope is so Worn Out, but in my town we actually DO have a hospital like that! my dad was born in it, but its not in use and hasn't been for, like, 20 years! it needs to be torn down but I think the city doesn't wanna pay the money. the inside is horrible, spray painted and broken glass and shit everywhere. but there's still like, rusty equipment and fucking DOLLS all over the place. the cops drive by it pretty frequently to make sure no one is like, breaking in. (because of water damage, some of the areas really aren't safe. also, asbestos, but people still go in anyway) but also, some of my town was used in a filming for a stephen king show. So it's lowkey spooky all over. just a fun personal tidbit :) to lead into saying, any hospital abandoned for any period of time is NOT safe to quarantine these kids in JKSAHDKF like I KNOW it's a ghost trying to do this, but NONE of these parents are even like, 'well, why dont we keep them in the regular, working hospital'....YIKES. this hospital looks pretty accurate to the one in town. grungy and spooky.

-fentons are tax evaders confirmed by jack's fear of being audited, lol no one is surprised

-ghost sickness via ghost bugs. horrifying concept. I actually expected it to be a new villain, not dr. spectra again! this is a very elaborate scheme. her new form rules, love the new costume. the way none of the bg kids seem to recognize her as their old school councilor. did we just forget about that completely?

-dash watching romance movies in the fucked up ghost hospital. same.

-'oh please, you're ghosts, do you have any idea what YOU smell like?' no, tucker, what DO ghosts smell like? I genuinely didn't know they would even have a smell, I actually want to know now.

-it feels like a while since we've seen jazz!! i was happy to see her again, even if she was a head in a jar for most the episode. I want another jazz-focused ep!!

-we finally see danny doing space-related stuff!! him and his friends stargazing to open ep 3 of s2. cute :) until, GHOST PIRATES!!!!! ...ghost pirate captain is a small child?? VOICED BY TAYLOR LAUTNER???

-oh, the easy listening is ember's song instrumental slowed. 'vapor drone' THEY VAPORWAVED HER!!! ember in a pirate outfit tho >>>>. and the cruise being called m.bersback JKASDHJK. ember adopting a little pirate brother is also pretty cute. concerning this teen and little kid have such bad opinions of adults, like, who hurt you?? (how did you DIE ALSO?? im always lowkey curious about that. we know desiree died at an old age, but her ghost form is young, probably mid-20s, so I wonder how that sort of thing works...its a more mental thing, isn't it?) but ghost team-ups are always cool to see, even if ember bailed after danny took her guitar. I guess she probably thinks youngblood can handle it (which, he's been owning danny this far in the ep, so...fair)

-tucker got that sponsorship from nasty burger for their radio!!! again, opportunistic money maker king, love to see it!!!

-danny taking control of the kids SO FAST. he makes a pretty great leader. no one is surprised, im pretty sure I said I think he's the most mature of the trio, once again, correct, because he's taken on so much responsibility already. all the teens suiting up in the jumpsuits to go save the adults and taking the ship over with a BLIMP. OKAY LETS GO. this feels like it should be a mid finale or straight up finale.

-...speaking of finales. why is ep 4-5 of s2 combined into a 50 minute episode? I havent even clicked play and im concerned. weird placement, like, this season JUST started and we're getting a two parter? okay...why are the episodes placed like this? why not put this at episode 10 or something, for a mid-season thing?

-this is also a cute dress. possibly my fav dress so far. can her parents give ME cute dresses, I'LL wear them.

-it turns out the castle fright knight was in is called pariah's keep and there's something worse than fright knight in there! lovely! fuck off vlad wtf are you doing <3 your hubris <3 is going to literally get you killed <3 'ring of rage' and 'crown of fire' are great names tho. ...vlad turning into a super polite guy when he was scared of mr. pariah was hilarious. and fright knight doing the same...I mean, it makes sense, he's a knight, he serves a king? happy to see fright knight again either way :) vlad telling him to call him tho, lmfao. you WISH HE WOULD. (I wish hed call me, too. 😔)

-so...jack being genuinely concerned about vlad...maddie really didn't tell him what happened at the cabin, did she. damn. if I was her id immediately come home and be like 'YOU WONT BELIEVE THIS SHITTTT THIS CREEPY GUY--' like, I feel like that stuff you need to tell your partner!!! I know she didnt want Jack to think she was an irresponsible parent putting danny in danger at that time, but STILLLL. maddie spilling boiling tea on him. get his ass. how is jack this oblivious to his wife's discomfort with vlad!! ughhh

-fenton wipe (tm). trademarked toilet paper.

-DANNY AND VALERIE BEING FRIENDS??? :D that was a cute moment. 'hey val <3' and 'if you like him like him, make a move, or someone else will ;)' at sam...damn!! I love her. valerie go for it girl!!! I hate how sam and tucker treat val also, like I GET IT YOURE PROTECTIVE AND DONT TRUST but if anything him befriending valerie will help when she finds out or he tells her like I feel like she'll be more understanding that they think! ALSO I feel like her reason for not liking ghosts is valid, like you haven't really explained the full story to her anyway! she doesn't seem to have any other friends after being booted from the a-listers so im like :( but seeing them kick butt together again was nice <3

-the ghosts all RUNNING FROM PARIAH DARK IS NOT GOOD, I thought he sent them to attack or something, but no. why doesn't someone just tell desiree 'hey i wish pariah dark would die' lol. once again I think she can solve every problem <3 but seeing all the enemies in one place, being civil and hiding together? love it.

-you just know danny's gonna have to clean up vlad's stupid mess. also, jack being willing to put on the ectoskeleton pants to help maddie, as soon as vlad heard it could kill him, he suggested jack do it instead of helping maddie himself? this is why jack got the girl, my man.

-ghost skeletons. how do you end up as a skeleton ghost in your afterlife instead of a humanoid like most the ones we've seen? lmao

-the ghosts just making new homes in various stores. I'd totally be setting up in an expensive clothing store if I was a ghost.

-valerie's dad is possibly the most useful adult so far, with that ghost shield expansion!!! and valerie saving vlad and danny, even tho shes been thru it already, shes still so good!!! this family rules.

-danny: *gently caresses valerie* :)

-*then he immediately TELLS HER DAD ON HER. and his first response is 'are you okay?' :'( such a good dad...

-*me every time fright knight breathes* youre doing SO great sweetie :)

-the fenton suit thing is so silly looking. does anyone take this thing seriously

-ALL THE GHOSTS FIGHTING WITH DANNY <3 AAAAA. and the fact that pariah isn't perma-defeated, but just locked away again. yikes. he'll probably get out again, won't he? it wasn't too clear, but if vlad DID make a pact with fright knight, I am rabid. I will beat vlad to death with the fenton bat (tm). YOU DONT DESERVE A COOL KNIGHT.

-valerie being direct with sam and challenging her? kinda love that, even tho I normally don't like 'catfight' type situations. because sam has been very passive aggressive about it which is annoying. valerie knows wtf she wants and wasn't even embarrassed to tell sam, but she did tell her, giving sam time to make her own move! and sam denied it and got embarrassed/mad! and sam did have a chance when danny was about to go off and fight, and she hesitated and didn't tell him. I feel like she's hesitating because they're friends and it might make it weird between the trio (poor tucker would be third-wheeling) but if u snooze u lose, u gotta GO after what u WANT girl. smh this is a No Tsundere Zone. 😤

#sanchoyorambles #dp thoughts #danny phantom

12 notes · View notes

normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

Note

I. t. a

Ahhshshsh I had forgotten how much I loved Diego and Vaaryn <3

I have so many questions about Vaanti traditions but I'm also glad pb didn't went into too much detail because I just don't trust them 😬

Also no, with junior I meant Alesteir (but I DIDI IT! In book 1 he was like "grace, mc, you both are the only worth saving here" and I was like "yes, i won these interaction"... though in the second book I think I spit on him lmao)

And Gurgi was nice, i loved those interactions are like,, very normal but in weird situations Ahshhshs

OMG WE GET TO SPIT ON HIM???? ICONIC CANT WAIT. when grace slapped his face it was so <3 god i miss grace sm. its chapter 6 of the 3rd book WHERE IS SHE

also ugh i wish i were u i love diego and varyyn so much what the fuck

also im proud to say that now for the first time i actually have a theory re: what the hell is going on. i just got to the part where we crash that weird timeless vaanti party and the clockmaker explained to us the thing about the island's heart and i think that we (the MC) are said heart. mostly because she said that the heart came in the form of that spirit and that spirit is us, because

it looks exactly like us dudndidm

im pretty sure its meant to look like us because when craig thought zahra was the ghost thatd make no sense because the ghost's form looked so different from zahra's, BUT it would make sense considering choices always operates assuming the MC will be female even when they give us the option to not make it so, and female MCs' form's options did look like zahra if all u had was the outline

but i also have other reasons for believing that, such as:

we were born in la huerta (and didnt even know it) on jan 1st (pretty emblematic date, the beginning of all or whatever) and we seem to have no discernible past. even rourke couldnt find anything about us, and we seem to have, like, no memories or family or anything from before this trip

the endless/we can control and reset time within the island and ONLY IN THE ISLAND as hes said in book 2's epilogue

we are canonically immune to time loops

we changed the island's hearts without a problem but when quinn did she got possessed by the bizarre screaming thing

so yeah i think we are the island's heart (not sure how exactly we took human form and ended up in college but it's a work in progress okay) and i might be wrong but hey at least ive managed to fucking put something together for the first time!!! jdndjdndixn and thatd be a pretty good plot twist but idk

also oh my god that scene where craig thought zahra was dead was so heartbreaking wtf, one m/f couple. ALSO ive just met kele and i really hope choices doesnt pull some bullshit with him because i love him and im pretty sure hes the only native american character choices has had so far. also not to be a ho but hes so pretty 👀👀👀👀

on a sidenote ive been a little disappointed by most of the embers of hope 😔 other than raj's most seemed kind of flavorless, altho im very happy that in craig's he didn't miraculously get drafted and instead his happy future showed him that it was okay that it didn't go the way he expected and hed still make it big. and it still showed him struggling with his depression but overall doing better which i quite liked. it was no miracle future

but i felt like sean's could've been so much more and diego's was straight up disappointing like dudndi 😭 i wanted at least diego to be able to stay in the island. literally why would anyone want to go back to capitalism when they can stay with the vaanti. especially since diego said many times that he felt like home in elyys'tel and that he's never felt like this before, and his family are pieces of shit anyway but then its like "he got famous and then his family wanted him back!" bruh. thats not exactly a happy ending

a n y w a y sorry it took so long to reply i was really busy and then i forgot until u sent me the other one and then i forgot to reply to that one too 😭😭😭😭 its fine I'm fine

#ask #identity thief anon #endless summer #es

6 notes · View notes

tomdiddlyumptious · 3 years

Note

i know youre just as obsessed with the save your tears song as me, please make a fic with peter of it🙏🏾😭

lololol sorry i got this a while ago, but yes. i have an unhealthy obsession with this song.

P.P~ Save Your Tears

warnings: none?? language??

words- 1.8k

You and peter...you and peter were special. When there was peter, there was you. No matter where you went, no matter where he went, you both were with each other, until you werent.

“Y/n, i love you but i need this college, it means so much to me, tony wants me to go-” “tony wants you to go? He matters more then me? Peter ive been with you since forever” you said, tears pooling from your eyes, standing up in his room while he sat on his bunkbed- his cheeks and nose red as he looked at you. “So this is what its about, making tony proud? What about me peter? What about me?!” you waited for his answer, but when he didnt say anything, you just gave him an empty, sad look, a shocked look,”so this is it, huh? You go to college and you leave me and may in shitty new york, and for what?” you chuckled, “to make your” you did quote on quote “dad proud?” he became angered, staring daggers at you. “He cares about you but i clearly care more, you wouldnt even be thinking about college if it wasnt for me. Youd be stuck as spiderman still trying to make him proud!” you laughed.

“Peter, did you hear what i said, “STILL PROUD”. He doesnt even give you fuckin validation. You know what. Fuck you, have fun in missouri, i hope you make him proud” you said, stomping out and slamming the door behind you, power walking out and accidently ignoring may with your own crowded thoughts while you walked out.

But that was 2 years ago.

You went to a college in Atlanta, peter long forgot, you and ned decided to go together. So there was a huge party in Atlanta, Harry knew about it causing Peter to know about it too.

“Yeah theres this huge party in atlanta and i wanted to go” he said, in the kitchen of the apartment, eating chips as he looked at peter, who had his textbook in his hands and his glasses on, he looked at harry “your going out of state...just for a stupid party?” he said, his eyebrows furrowed. “Yeah i go every year,” “and your telling me this….for?”

“I want you to come with me” harry smiled, walking over and hopping on the couch while peter set his text book on the coffee table “i dont think so” he said, “oh come on! The most baddest chicks are their peter! And you need to get over y/n-” “shut up, harry” peter looked at him with a clenched jaw, your name was his kryptonite, making him weak in his stomach and his knees woozy as if they were gonna fall out. “Look, your doing it again” harry called him out. “Ive dated her for over 7 years harry, what am i supposed to do, toss her in the trash?” “Yes actually” he shrugged, making peter grumble before taking off his glasses and setting them down. “i’ll think about it” “i’ll pack your bag” harry did a quick grin at him before standing up and tossing the chips at peters chest.

So there they are, moving into another apartment for three days, only taking out a few pairs of clothes and leaving it on the bed. “Party is tomorrow, we need drinks and stuff” “if its a huge party what do we need to buy stuff for?” peter asked, harry said, “You're too innocent” before walking off.

“Ned! I do not need a plus one!” “it wont be a plus one it’ll be a plus two!” “im not going in there as a throuple” you turned to him, he didnt want you to look lonely inside of the party, so why not just go on an open date with betty and him? Because it weird, or thats atleast what you thought. You picked out your dress, your body has changed since senior year, making your curves more evident, which you didnt mind, it was nice. The dress was quite tight in the right places, making you feel confident, you asked betty how it looked, she said if she was a lesbian shed try to dig, which was unusual for someone like her to say that, but youd take it. “Are you sure, y/n?” he asked, genuinely, you turned to him and sincerely nodded. “Yes, thank you”

And so there it was, harry and peter went to buy the drinks, two bottles of each just for home, which harry made peter try, peter wasnt pleasant but harry said hed need it.

So there the party was, harry helping peter pick something out, making sure it wasnt too “nerdy” which ended up in harry having to give peter something to wear, an oversized orange shirt and jeans, a black hat backwards and some of peters normal shoes, vans. “Im proud of my creation” harry said while they both looked in the mirror, peter sighed in disgust “i hate you” “love you too bud”

You and ned got ready, helping him out with which colognes he should use, you made him help you out with the makeup, it was a simple black dress but there was no harm in trying to pop it out, “red” “red? Are you sure? Does it bring out my skin??” you said, he nodded “wear it! And hurry! We have to pick up betty!”

It was 9 o’clock, the party already started as you and your best friends pushed past people to get something to drink, but one drink turned into two, and then to three, and then continuing on. Ned ended up with red lipstick and lip marks all over his face and a tie around his eyes, everyone cheering him on when he was in a drinking competition with the famous gregory, of course ned won, making the boys chant his ned “ned ned ned ned!” and you were in the front row with betty, a red cup in your hand and everyone letting out a deep “wooooo!” and whistles when ned stuck his arms out in the air before taking the tie off, you laughed as the party stopped the challenges and it was dancing time, so betty pulled you to the dance floor, you let out an “ahhh!” as in you didnt wanna dance but she gave you a stern look “loosen up” she smiled, dancing around and her grin widened when you started to slowly loosen up, drinking the forbidden juice in your cup before you threw it wherever.

Peter and harry finally arrived, drinks in hand as he looked around, “there really is hot chicks” peter said making harry laugh hysterically before grabbing a cup for peter. “Just make sure you leave before i do” “yuck” harry passed the cup to peter, and he took a sip, his throat burning before he looked at harry “dont give up, the party has just started! I have to use the bathroom” harry walked off, peter looked around at the different sections, he could sit on the couch but there was people making out there, he could join some of the shot gunning but it was clear they were already thirty drinks in, which left him to the dance floor.

Dancing in the crowded hall, stood you, as before, his stomach turned and his knees felt woozy as his mouth slightly opened, it was really you. Your hips moving loosely with a huge smile on your face, you looked so much more happier without him, he started to feel bad, his mind coming to memories before you caught him looking at you, making your movements falter. Your mouth open with shock, a single tear coming down your face before he called out your name, you ignored him walking the other way. “Dammit!” he said, placing down the cup he didnt need before pushing past people, he could see the back of your head, he groaned when a girl pushed him “watch where your going dumbass!” she said, peter ignored her and came upstairs still following you, now into an empty hallway “Y/N!- Y/N- i know you can hear me theres literally nobody else in this fucking hallway!” he said, his walking stopped as yours did to, you looked back at him, turning to him. “Please” you made eye contact with him, your face empty as no words came out of your mouth, you walked to him, a hopeful smile on his face, until you walked passed him, your shoulder thumping against his that made him fall, he looked back at you and furrowed his eyebrows, his heart shattered in pieces as he swore he heard it break like glass, it was already cracked.

You could have asked him why he broke your heart

You could've told him that you fell apart

But you walked past him like he wasn't there

And just pretended like you didn't care.

He ran away from you and now it was your turn, you told yourself not to cry, to save your tears for another day, or for another, he wasnt worth it, at least thats what you told yourself. He watched as you disappeared, sadness engulfing him as he sat against the wall. “Fuck” he ran his hands through his hair before he looked your direction again, tears threatning to roll down his cheeks as he couldnt believe that happened, but it was his fault, and once he noticed that, he broke down in tears.

he made you think that he would always stay

He said some things that he should've never said

He broke your heart like someone did to his,

And now you won't love him for a second time.

He didnt know it would make you cry when he ran away, he didnt even know why he ran away. He wanted to chase after you, for you to take him back because this time he really wanted to stay, two years, much too late. He didnt deserve you, you deserved better, not someone who left you for someone he didnt even talk to anymore, tony.

“Save your tears, y/n” you told yourself, but you couldn't take it, you ran to your car and opened the door, getting in the driver's seat you cried, slamming the door shut as your back hunched and you hit the hunk, kicking and hitting the steering wheel until you couldn't anymore, tears ruining your makeup as you looked at yourself through the rear view, your hair a mess, your eyeliner ruined, you, ruined. you couldn't save your tears, you couldn't save them for another day, or another. Peter, the love of your life, ran away, and you cant love him again, because, he broke you.

#peter parker x reader #college!peter parker #peter parker smut #peter parker imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland smut #peter parker angst #peter parker fluff #mcu imagine #tom holland imagine #peter parker fanfic

25 notes · View notes

narcosmx · 4 years

Text

pacho herrera being a dad would include...

a/n: here’s some pacho stuff because the idea of him being a dad has me heart eyes!! i’ll leave the how pacho got the child up to your own imaginaiton; could be adoption, surrogacy, idK anyways here we go

calls his kids rey o reina honestly especially if he has a girl he calls her reina de mi corazon because princess doesn’t describe how important she is but i honestly fucking adore the idea of him having a son

i cannot with the idea of him being wrappes around his kid’s fingers because he so would be, fuck i think he’d even be aware of it... doesn’t give a shit is so happy to be a dad he’d give his kid the entire world

god i am crying at the idea of him caring for a baby or infant because he would be as much of a hands on dad as physically fucking possible

hed be the dad laying on his stomach on the floor as their baby has tummy time, being at their level, playing with them

hed get so excited, whenever the baby did anything he’d be gasping and cooing about how they’re doing a good job, clapping for them

like his baby literally melts him, he would literally anything for that baby

would be the proudest dad ever, he knows what it’s like to have a father that didn’t stand by their kid so pacho is dedication to making it clear how happy and proud he is to have this child

like when they say their first words he’s fucking losing it, he’s cheering for the baby, clapping his hand, making the baby giggle and like squeal scream

soccer would def be part of this kid’s life and i am here for it

like he has little jerseys for them THAT MATCH HIS OWN WOW I AM SOBBING

as soon as they baby can walk he’s putting a soccer ball in front of them

becomes team mascot for when pancho goes to play has likle 30 times more security so he can play without having to panic about the baby every ten seconds

and i just the kid cheering for pacho, whenever he makes a goal he’s going over to hold the baby up in the air, giving them their besitos before going back to the game

straight up has a whole soccer field out in his backyard so he can play with the kid, and as they get older pacho is always playing against them, having them practicing skills, running drills, lowkey coach dad

i feel like he’d be a really sporty dad, one that is in the backyard running the drills with the kid and i just

lowkey feel like the kids nino would be gilberto because they mean a lot to pacho because they took him in and accepted him as part of their little fam

oH SHIT OR CHEPE IM CRYING YES in conclusion they would have a big part in that child’s life and

pacho asking gilberto for dad advise why am i crying about this

they would all be the kid’s tios i 🥺

gilberto would be the extra as fuck tio/nino that would always have new toys or treats for the kid whenever the kid comes to vist like the little kid coming in and jumping straight into gilberto’s lap

chepe would be such a playful and silly uncle like i can see him throwing the kid up in the air, giving pacho a lowkey heart attack, also he makes silly voices to the kid

miguel would just be fucking awkward as he is but like ruffling the kids hair playfully, buys then ice cream or some shit like small stuff

why do i get the vibes that pacho would sing to his babies like when the baby can’t fall asleep and pacho is walking around the house with them in his arms, he’s holding the baby to his shoulder and rubbing their back

and pacho patting the baby while he’s singing to them but just barely audible whisper singing :(((((((

and when the kids get older he’ll sing to them when the kids sick :(((( like sitting at the edge of their bed while he rubs the kid’s back and signs to them gently

him having the kid help him cook with they’re old enough like pacho with the kiddo sitting on the counter top and getting to help throw things into bowls, help them mix and most importantly taste to make sure it’s ready to go

i am sad because he would be the dad that would tell his kids he needs to eat his veggies before ice cream... and they pout up at him and pacho sighs softly and is like okay but you have to eat some of them !

this goes without fucking saying but he’d be such a protective dad but pacho would so readily die for his fucking kid it makes me soft

like if he was out here ready to burn norte del valle down for his brother, good fucking lord he would absolutely murder anyone that thought about thinking about his kid

but keeps the life as far away from his kid as possible, would even be conflicted about the kid seeing the guards with guns

whenever they’re passing the guys out front doing security, pacho is cooing at the kids like ‘mira a papi, mi reina/rey’ or distracting them somehow i just

i just he always has his kid on his hip or like beside him holding his hand ... he’d be the child’s best friend and pacho couldn’t be happier... the best thing that ever happened to him was being able to have a child that he could surround with the love, security and acceptance he wasn’t given

#narcos imagine #narcos imagines #narcos #pacho herrera x reader #pacho herrera

266 notes · View notes

dahniwitchoflight · 4 years

Text

Homesquared Chapter 16

Alrighty, that was a fun tangent, now back to John it seems?

Oh, no, Narration of John (So Actually Dirk, speak of the devil and he shall appear and all that etc etc)

“ leaving John with one final touch on the shoulder. John leans into it in response, though he’s a bit ashamed of chasing down a sliver of physical affection so soon after obliterating Karkat’s evening like he had. “

pfft lol so Im not the only one that thought it would be funny if that scene was interpreted in a Pale Romantic light, even though that really wasn’t what was happening

OIh! but we still get Roxy, just the other version of Roxy

Roxy subtly being like “hey!! shit has apparently gone down, were not exactly close atm but I feel bad about you dying to want to know if youre still alive so im gonna message you while trying to make it look like i dont care about it as much as I do”

JOHN: trying to align my memories of my youth with whatever is happening right now so

and the wonderful question is, what IS going be happening with you now John?

Roxy looking nice and casual, but also yeah narration, why are you making this ominous, its not like Roxy’s out here to double spy on behalf of Jane, I don’t think Roxys on her side THAT much

ROXY: may have to do a smidge more if my old bff decides im next on the list for bombing out

ROXY: but so far so good

ROXY: just a coupla exploded cars in the yard from some shenanigans our dear son and his friends were in but u kno it is what it is!!!

Roxy once again being a master of hiding how shes feeling, even when trying to open up, feeling pretty stressed about whats happening with Jane, understandable, the exclamation points give it away lol

The narration is really trying to make John nervous though

OH lol that was the implication haha no lol John it obviously wasn’t that

“John feels his shoulders unbunch. Of course. Yeah. He’s almost embarrassed by how relieved he feels. So what if his ex wife wanted to hook up? Shouldn’t that be a situation he could navigate? Don’t people like to find solace in human physical connection during dire times? Why did the idea of it make his mind white out in panic more than, say, any number of the traumas he just experienced? He doesn’t know, but he believes Roxy that he must look pretty haggard. He probably feels haggard? Maybe sitting down will feel better.“

lol once again, Dirk has no idea how to read Roxy at all and just trips over himself and his assumptions XD

Yeah, looks like Roxy not on the Jane train and is doing some takesies backsies, shes glossing over her feelings on the matter still though, I know thats par for the course of how Roxy tends to handle stuff too but I wish shed open up a bit more, but maybe shes playing the smart game, yknow, knowing that Dirk has a hard time reading her, so glossing over stuff is how you protect yourself against the narrative force, confusion and vaguery in the narrative and her actions only helps her to keep control over it, because at any point, you can decide to “clear up” any narrative “miscommunication” or “confusion” and lay down what is it thats actually happening with you any time you want

Void working in the behind the scenes to do what they want

JOHN: like it’s my HOUSE.

JOHN: but mostly it always felt like my dad’s house?

JOHN: and when i started living there after i moved out of here, it was like i crammed myself back into whatever was left of my kid self?

JOHN: and it didn’t feel good, but it at least was familiar, you know?

JOHN: like living there let me feel closer to my dad, trying to be like the way i remember him, or like how i remember him wanting me to be, or something?

JOHN: and i didn’t realize how much i hated doing that until i saw it all go up in flames.

JOHN: so i guess i could have used my powers to stop the fire and save whatever was left of the place, but i couldn’t bring myself to do it.

JOHN: like some fucked up part of me was glad i got there too late?

JOHN: so i just sat there, watching, trying to figure out why watching my house burn down felt like i was being released from prison.

JOHN: and even now i keep trying to explain it away, as though it’s because of how fucked up everything else is that it made me feel good.

JOHN: but that’s just bullshit.

JOHN: it DID feel good.

JOHN: i DO feel free.

JOHN: sorry.

ROXY: no need 2 apologize

ROXY: we just delved in2 my whole gender thing last time so it seems fine for u to have a turn

JOHN: i didn’t say it was a gender thing.

Im pretty sure you’re talking about a gender thing John, like, very 100% sure now this is what’s happening

because if you were actually a girl, of course you’re dad leaving all these notes about how one day hes gonna be so proud of the man youll become, yeah, that can feel a little pressuring, even if your dad didnt mean it like that, since he was unfailingly the kind of dad just bumbling around trying to understand their kid as best they could and leave encouragements everywhere, thats what his intent was, but all his notes come off a bit wrong in particular issues

remember the note under the fridge that was all like “SON. IF YOURE READING THIS NOTE, YOUVE FINALLY BECOME STRONG ENOUGH OF A MAN TO PICK UP THE FRIDGE.” not exactly that but that was always the vibe Dad’s little notes always had

Yeah, i can see how John would view it as a bit off, but if he hadnt the self awareness to realize it was a gender thing at the time, hed be understandly confused as to why such a thing would bother him

now though, he’s realizing, maybe, he doesn’t exactly want to be the man his dad always encouraged him to be

John does seem a lot happier here in his convo with Roxy than he did on his own when the house was burning, that conversation with karkat left me wondering if John was about to start dissociating he was so down, but here he says he feels freeing and happy about it?

ROXY: but like now that u mention it

ROXY: *meaningful pause*

JOHN: …

JOHN: i

JOHN:

John’s beginning to question stuff, or acknowledge that he’s questioning stuff, cuz it’s true, and hes feeling happy about it, in a way that he wasnt before, but he hasnt quite connected the dots here between the happy feeling and what exactly he has to be happy about

ROXY: aight then no wind bending just use your mangrit

Roxy flexes, the corner of her mouth pulled up into a familiar grin. John feels his guts, so recently calmed, twist up into knots again. Her eyebrows shoot up and the smile loosens. He must have shown something on his face.

ROXY: ok or just like push when i push

ROXY: we both got sick muscles

ROXY: no other adjectives necessary

JOHN: yeah ok.

Yeah Roxy’s 100% picked up on it, and maybe Dirk has as well if the narration is commenting on it

Alrighty then, to the secret lair under the bed!

oh I just noticed how kind of cute and interesting Roxy’s nickname for Harry is, “Lil H A” Harry Anderson shortens to Ha like laughter haha

and if Harry had Roxy’s last name, it’d be Harry Anderson Lalonde

Lil HAL

lol what is Callie doing under Roxy’s secret bedchamber XD

This whole secret bedchamber thing is turning into one big metaphor isn’t it?

That thing behind the curtain kind of looks like the Attic Portal shape from Hiveswap though

that’d be neat if that was it, like obviously we knew one of the cherubs had to have something to do with that portal just going by the design of it alone

Honestly it makes sense that Callie is doing it under the curtain of Roxy’s Void, it’s honestly the safest place to do something like that

lol Calliope has grown past writing fanfic about shipping and being in love, now the drama of broken relationships and divorce is all the rage XD character growth? haha

CALLIOPE: besides, hUman divorces are even more fascinating than i had ever imagined, and being able to witness yoUrs in motion was an honoUr.

CALLIOPE: so i consider Us aboUt even at this point.

Calliope just burned him harder than his childhood home’s destruction

CALLIOPE: ah right, right. yoU're probably a little cUrioUs as to where the dickens we are.

have you been talking to Jake lol (I mean, probably Original Grandpa Jake tbh if that portal is actually the portal)

Alright so John is getting caught up on the major plot points, Earth C is indeed in the large black hole, his choice didn’t matter since both choices happened anyway yadda yadda

CALLIOPE: think of it like a coin flip.

CALLIOPE: the series of events that led to Us being trapped beyond the event horizon of an Ubermassive black hole could be considered "tails", while the events which would have occUrred otherwise could be considered "heads".

CALLIOPE: since both were possible, and paradox space is the way it is, they actUally both happened. and we jUst "happened" (hee hee) to get tails instead of heads.

yup yup yup pretty par for the course of timesplits in homestuck so far

CALLIOPE: not at all! since both possibilities depend on one another's existence, it really doesn't make sense to call them "right" or "wrong". they both just "are".

yup, this is true, the ending’s of both referenced the others, so it’s disingenuous to say one is “canon” while the other isn’t

one is simply in the realm of actual possibility, the other is in the realm of unlikely possibility

More than likely, John would have chosen to leave and go die and be the hero like in Meat, but there was still the possibility that he would stay, even if it was unlikelier than the other, but since both were possible choices for him to realistically make, both actually happened for real

CALLIOPE: anyway, the reason i went on this tangent in the first place was to explain that the space we are standing in right now has a special significance, in that it is the location which corresponds to the black hole's singUlarity

that’s interesting, so there’s the original meteor that crashed into the surface of Earth C, and it’s in here that the singularity of what I don’t wanna call the Green Hole to match the Green Sun when I wanna talk about this specific Black Hole lolol

but yeah, here in this meteor lies the crux of the paradox it seems, interesting, also interesting again, this is where that Hiveswap Portal is

Hiveswap does have a plot point of “Joey must do thing in 11 days otherwise Earth and Alternia will be destroyed” and the only known destruction event of Earth and Alternia so far in canon is the Green Sun’s Creation from the destruction of both universes (and then later Callie’s destruction of the green sun into the black hole) so is Hiveswap gonna be a factor in the green sun’s destruction/creation as well? (Joey has the symbol of the Green Sun for a reason, I’m super curious as to what factor Joey has in relation to the Green Sun’s Existence, We still don’t know what the fact those black monsters are too, they’re like nega-first guardians, the kind of things that look like would come out of a Black Hole that came from the Green Sun tbh)

It’s all inter-related I tells ya

ROXY: ur not gonna enter a weird time vortex and change the trajectory of a little girls life with the power of love

JOHN: aw.

You say that now but

CALLIOPE: it's not strictly speaking "bad" for Us to be inside of a black hole, mUch thoUgh that contradicts most of what anyone knows about them.

CALLIOPE: of coUrse, if we had fallen into it, that woUld be a whole other kettle of fish.

CALLIOPE: the tidal forces woUld have stretched Us all into spaghetti and then ripped us apart!

CALLIOPE: bUt the natUre of oUr arrival was more akin to simply "being" here, sUddenly. one moment we were not, and the next moment we were, and somehow always had been.

yeah that’s basically how this multiverse’s reality works, the future is a thing that already physically exists, just in a different location in the universe somewhere else

time travel and spacial teleportation could be said to be the same thing all along

that’s why violating the events of the future has actual consequences, because its like asking to go somewhere that doesn’t exist but how has to exist because it’s the future, too much of that and reality starts cracking at the seams to make room

same thing happens with sessions and playing sburb

the planets and dreaming moons and all that simultaneously have always existed here, and started existing only because the player played the game and the planets were generated upon entering a session, but to the player involved, it looks and feels like you are just being teleported to a different location in the universe, because you also kind of are

CALLIOPE: i mean, the natUre of space and time is a little finicky in here, bUt for the most part it doesn't seem to be anything too oUt of the ordinary.

CALLIOPE: bUt beyond that, it means that we are sealed away from the rest of existence.

CALLIOPE: oUr sphere of inflUence is limited to the sphere of the black hole's bounding horizon.

CALLIOPE: as far as everyone else is concerned, we might as well not even exist!

So you’re just in a little seperated bubble, that’s not connect temporally to any other place of existence, you aren’t anywhere in the past or the future of anywhere else

nowhere leads here, and here can not lead outwards either, theoretically, and yes it exists, so it must also

JOHN: is there no way we could let anyone know that we're in here...?

CALLIOPE: almost certainly not!

CALLIOPE: there are very few ways for anything to escape the kind of predicament that we are in right now. one of them is to be an all-powerfUl being with control over the very fabric of space, with the energy of two Universes at yoUr disposal.

CALLIOPE: in which case, escape woUld become rather trivial, if a little Unscientific.

JOHN: ok. i am going to assume that we can't just do that.

CALLIOPE: yoU've hit the nail on the head, UnfortUnately. U_U

CALLIOPE: the method i described was the one employed by my alternate self, who yoU may recall crashed through the event horizon in the body that once belonged to jade harley.

CALLIOPE: she departed through a pUnctUre she created in the black hole's surface shortly after consUming my brother, a deed which provided her with the necessary "oomph", and which was frankly rather breathtaking to watch. =u=

CALLIOPE: bUt Upon her departUre, the rift closed for good. as far as i can see, there's simply no way for Us to commUnicate with the world oUtside the black hole.

CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly be very sUrprised to find oUt that anyone had managed sUch a thing!

So someone else definitely has managed to do such a thing

JOHN: knowing that we're inside of a black hole... does that actually change anything?

JOHN: like, can't we just go on living like normal?

CALLIOPE: oh absolUtely not.

CALLIOPE: i don't know if yoU've noticed john bUt this world is on the brink of a total cataclysm.

JOHN: oh.

CALLIOPE: oUr exclUsion from the overarching coUrse of events which governs all reality means that oUr existence here is liable to dramatic and violent Upheaval.

CALLIOPE: to pUt it another way, becaUse nothing in here "matters", we are likely to be sUbjected to things which are a bit bats in the belfry, for no reason other than it's totally insignificant to the wider canon of reality.

CALLIOPE: and mUch thoUgh i am personally titillated by some of the conseqUences of this predicament, it is a degrading way for Us to live. u_u

JOHN: that's... certainly one way to put it, yeah...

yeah, so because here in the black hole neither affects the past or the future of anywhere else, being so disconnected, they are technically free of the reigns of the Alpha Timeline that exists elsewhere in the multiverse

the Alpha Timeline now being understood to simply mean, The Narrative

Things are the way they are because they are thus written to be so

CALLIOPE: at first, i believed that this was simply necessary. Us playing tails to oUr coUnterparts' heads, the black to their white, and so forth.

CALLIOPE: bUt over the years i have come to the conclUsion that this is simply not kosher.

ROXY: its total bs is what it is

CALLIOPE: right, yes.

CALLIOPE: a steaming pile of bUllshite.

CALLIOPE: and so we have decided that something needs to be done aboUt it.

Hmmm. It’s a dangerous idea to be playing with for sure, to decide all the black pieces in the game of chess suddenly become white, it is a very flip turning of reality upside down to be sure

To be honest, I’d think you’d need a powerful Doom player at your disposal to even try something like this

or actually, a powerful Doom user would be most likely to shut this entire thing down, knowing how bad of an idea it’d be, maybe it’s more you need a powerful Life player to do something like this instead

is that also why Dirk viewed Jane as an ally then? She would technically have the kind of power to upend the black and white doomy laws of reality if driven to her full potential, i mean obviously yes, we know this already because of the candy colored I-can-do-whatever-I-want-with-no-consequences lollipop

Is this what Calliope hopes to achieve with the Hiveswap Portal then? her goals for Joey and friends are to be the ones to prevent their universe’s twin destructions, and thus the Green Sun’s initial existence and then also the destruction into the Black Hole after the fact? that would be one way to prevent the Black Hole from existing, making it so the thing that creates the black hole never exists either

and that's certainly a canon event that would be difficult to tear asunder without major consequences

That would be a “Re-writing Homestuck from the very beginning” level of canon event

And if I’m correct, Joey is theorized by me to be a Mage of Life, if any classpect at their full potential was gonna do something like that, or have the impossible knowledge to something impossibly paradoxical like that, well..

ROXY: but u dont need to worry abt busting us outta space jail tbh

ROXY: thats not ur problem to fix

JOHN: oh.

JOHN: i'm... not sure i follow, then.

ROXY: i mean yeah ur gonna obvs facilitate it in a sense

ROXY: but only by going and busting the person who can actually help us outta normal earth jail

CALLIOPE: we need yoU to free vriska from the clUtches of oUr misgUided friend jane, and bring her here, to the singUlarity.

ROXY: weve been calling it the plot point

CALLIOPE: yes, the plot point is a key part of oUr plan.

CALLIOPE: as far as we have been able to sUrmise, the only remaining method for escaping oUr grim confinement depends on leveraging the UniqUe properties of this location to create an event of sUch catalcysmic proportions that it simply cannot be contained within the black hole any more.

CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it.

CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak.

CALLIOPE: and to liberate her, who better than the embodiment of the aspect of freedom itself?

I mean yeah! makes sense! Johns major factor here is Freedom, Vriska’s is Importance

and yeah, I can think of no other wholly dramatic event that to mess with stuff with the Green Sun, everyone will have eyes on that, they have to, their whole existence the way it is relies on it

But, they could also mean something else, its only condition is that it has to be something so imflappably impossible, something so not-canon and so outrageous that it basically horse-shoes around to the other end of the canon spectrum to being something that truly exists again

and that could be literally anything and it’s nerve wracking and exciting to see what thing theyre gonna come up with to just directly kneecap Homestuck itself

ROXY: thx babe

ROXY: oh is it 2 soon for that joke or

JOHN: no, weirdly enough, that one’s fine.

(yeah that’s because Babe can be construed as feminine June)

so, I’m basically convinced they’re doing June Egbert now

that to me was like, pretty severely on the nose

John: Hey Roxy, what it does mean when you find a sense of freedom when all of the symbolism of the masculinity surrounding your childhood burns down around you

Roxy: idk It’s probably a gender thing man

John: I didn’t say the word gender-

Roxy: It’s ok babe no pressure, we can hash it out later

John: Hmm, later then. :)

Roxy: (Turns and looks towards the camera with a knowing smile)

shit all that imagery makes me think of Roxy as that picture of the small kid smirking at the camera while a house burns in the distance XD

#Homesquared #june egbert #john egbert #yeah theres no way there not gonna bring up June Egbert as a apossibility now #Roxy couldn't have quirked her eyebrows harder at the fourth wall if they had tried #Homestuck #I'm basically convinced now lol #that plus my reaction to chapter 14

21 notes · View notes

vanityloves · 4 years

Text

anyways im gonna listen to/read the fuckin...rise of the ogre shit bc ive been putting it off 🪓🥴 im gonna put stuff under the cut bc im gonna be TALKING n dont wanna make a new post everytime

piss

ok he performed for 2 pounds 50. which is basically $3 today i- well it was absolutely a power play on his father behalf that also had the promise of money so.

also lol he said Rejection fueled my ambitions which, yknow,, i already knew but it still hurts and i will continue to talk ab it xoxo

AH HELP. "...if ebay had been invented at the time he would've sold me online there and then,"

"man hands on misery to man, yknow"

THEN PROCEEDS TO CONNECT IT TO MUSIC/HIS CAREER. this man said :) the one thing i truly have a passion for. the one thing i fucking like.

oh yeah. bullied by students AND teachers.

oh god hes 42ish during this interview? ok.

the fuckin school bully saying he wouldve acted differently if he knew what hed become

getting called "faceache", then proceeds to call 2d that. jfc he really does just repeat what everyone says. really "treating others how i was treated/how they treat me"

maybe thats why? hes kinder to fans? bc :] you support me and like me so, ok ill return that energy

MURDOC GETTING HIS ASS BEAT N PARADING HOME LIKE WELL I WON BC 'I PISSED YOU OFF' SJDJD

a real rowdy boy. absolute nasty boy. fraud and arson... shooting ppls windows with his air pistols

black sabbath being a huge inspiration? fucking absolutely.

became a satanist n shit at age 16? "it fitted me like a glove" "heavy metal and devil worshipping became my favorite past times" ajsj funny that ppl in trying times often seek religion or following of some sort

heavy metal being his favorite, n loving the clash, while hannibals was more punk based

hannibal breaking murdocs nose for the 2nd and 3rd time for playing his music on hannibals turntable

he doesnt sound that bitter? ab hannibal? he doesnt sound incredibly fond but he talks ab how he got him into a lot of music. so, i imagine they we're a bit closer than i thought?

international baccalaureate in antisocial? anthropology?

MURDOC IS ACTUALLY SMART HE WAS JUST. NOT INTERESTED IN THE SUBJECTS? I GUESS? (also,,, he literally Built cyborg noodle and i think he had a PhD too lol. but its always nice to hear hes actually...yknow, interested or good at other things)

alright but murdoc having a fascination w/ other cultures - or at least some interests, that lead him to actually study the damn subject and "pass with flying colors"

'fuck college though. im gonna be a rockstar'

he sold his soul at 18ish? whenever the fuck he got kicked out but college was mentioned so my brain goes to 18ish idk

he lived with his father still and paid rent via low paying jobs one including 'part time dressing as santa'

help he was ab to take a Personal Job for quick cash and uhh well, "still made me call him sir though" he really said 20 dollars is 20 dollars, huh "that story was totally true"

alright, 1997,,,

2d stuff

loves zombie stuff? thats really cute, and is freaked out by the way they move. god he rambles

both he and murdoc are horses in the chinese zodiac

[[jfc ok if the official shit compares them a lot i understand why ppl ship them but Dont. its a narrative foil and that doesnt always mean Romance jfc.]]

SUMTHINK.

truly... a lil stinker. super cute bouncing baby and a "bit thick" which is stull so endearing to me. hes just a happy man!

excitable 10 year old and would dance around his room

jfc the fact he has normal/caring parents. i kinda forget how opposite hes supposed to be from murdoc but i think thats another thing jsjsysg (murdoc said why isnt my tragic story making me famous why does he get to be the Star. no wonder he acts like a loon)

i still dont get how gettin bonked by a tree branch made him go bald and also turn his hair blue

big tiddy nurse mommy,,,

went to the same school as The Cure and got decent grades despite hittin the noggin quite hard. WANTED TO BE A STORM CHASER... OMG??

oh thats really cute, hed bond with his dad by building keyboards toegther 🥺💕

messed around with paints and graffiti? artistic king

MURDOC AGAIN: QHDJ 'VILLANOUS' GANG HELP

oh yeah d day...new instruments, new band, new singer - and 'had to be the best or no dice' and absolutely CONFIDENT that his songs were bangers ajsjd

but on that same note, had absolute faith (or desperate) in 2d which i love

ransacked the fucking music shop jdjdj and 2d said he was Just Standing There behind the counter the whole shift hdhdh

"thats when your eye came out, yeah" "yeah!-" HELP WHY DOES HE SOUND SO HAPPY AB IT ?? yes he said ut hurt but he sounds...ok

jfc murdoc ragdolling this poor mf around. dunking him and slapping him around. actually? so incredibly terrible and abusive and i hate him for that 🔫 im sorry 2d stans. we dont condone that behavior here ong.

how and why the FUCK did 2d's parents allow that fucker near their child after that i??? help. wtf. his moms a nurse why didnt she just have murdoc sit in plain view of other people. god damn.

2d flying out the window n hitting the curb "whoops"

"just two black holes...[ah] it looked great...a blue hair, blacked eyed GOD- the girls would go wild-" "pretty boy looks" ???? HELP. HE DOESNT GO LIGHT ON THE COMPLIMENTS, HUH

RUSS TIME

oh yeah, he straight up kiddnapped this man help. idk how he managed that, russ is a Big Man??

AND MURDOCS MUSIC WAS SO FUCKING SEXY GOOD that russel said hm alright ill stay, :] out ifbhis owm free will im screaming.

"oh this is one of them febreeze commercials" "uh . yeah sure. *murdoc turning on his Sick Tunes*" but that either means? it was just his guitar playing the convinced russ? unless he and 2d recorded sumn?

"2d was the looks, murdoc the brains, then russel truly was the heart"

'while 2d and murdoc liked music, this man was a MUSICIAN' god fucking bless this book holy shit ny man russ getting some respect. he said back hurts from carrying this band.

murdoc basically heard this guy had big trauma that gave him So Many Skills n said "thats what i want" ok idk thats actually really? inch rest ting to me. seems that murdocs fine handing out compliments but i guess that where his charisma really helps out yeah?

"he was going to be in my band whether he liked it or not" ...murdoc-

HELP. 2D IS LIKE BRO GO ON IM LISTENING 🥺 despite hearing the story 50-60 times and murdoc said fuck off you lil shit.

ok irrelevant but i love his voice! its super comforting n nice to listen to 🥺

HELP MURDOCS SO BITTER. "NOTHING THAT HAPPENS TO US IS NORMAL" WELL YEAH. THIS IS TRAUMA CENTRAL.

idk how/why he sucked up all his friends souls though ... how are they all possessing the same person. they said "its my turn on The Russ"

DELL IS HIS ACTUAL, LITERAL SOULMATE...KING...😭

went to a private school,,, and was already possessed? and the thing where he gets bigger and smaller is a reoccurring thing?

was in a coma for 4 years?

hiphop machine...time and history...the ultimate set i guess.

his knowledge was infinite and hes a "Renaissance man" hes so fucking smart our king. jack of all trades but a master of drums. he said i know im good and what of it

PAULA.

HELP. HE RMBRS THE STALL: CUBICAL NUMBER 3 🥴 IF I DO RECALL 🤤

yes russel our king. fuck up his nose 5 more times. probably stunted his growth too. he shrunk after russ gave him a wallop im sure

why dies paula sound like tracer overwatch

also only dated 2d for 2 months before joining the band?

HELP SHE REALLY WAS THE FIRST MURDOC FUCKER: "but when i saw murdoc with his thick greasy hair, green teeth and yellow skin i thought 'oh this is the ine for me!'" "OH HES SUCH A DANDY-" HELP ME IM HQJDHD

sick in the head...like i want to hurt people help girl. shes fucking Crazy. but she rly said damn i didnt hear back from him again 😭 and my purse is gone JSHHD

MURDOC: SHE WAS DEPRESSINGLY UGLY *still fucked her*

NOODLE TIME

"small japanese person!"

2d: we werent gorillaz until noodle arrived!

im dying the reason he chose gorillaz. 'swinging through the jungle baring my ass'

noodle really said "im just happy to be here" and she balanced everyone out 😭 "she gave off pure love and the fact that she could laugh at murdoc REALLY helped too" RUSS... IS BABY

JFC MURDOCS SO FUCKING CONFIDENT IN THIS BAND IM LIVING FOR THAT. HE SAID YOU WANT US SO BAD IT MAKES YOU LOOK STUPID. THE CHARISMA

2d rambling ab some girl he met and "ssSs" "whats the s stand for hawhaw" "i dont know!".

THE RECORD LABEL GUY.

one song is all it took i ❤ good for them

just murdoc talking ab the party that they threw for thier deal and saying "you dont know how much of a dick i felt like [when carrying one of those huge checks]" like oh thats whatll make you a dick? alright.

A FOOD FIGHT THAT WENT SO HARD THAT IT KNOCKED 2DS TONSILS OUT? WHAT THE FUCK

ahshdj damon and murdoc not getting along bc of Rival Band One Uppery + damon calling murdocs cuban heels crap since ge wore steel ones with gold spurs.

MURDOC FEELIN EMBARRASSED BC HES 'QUITE PROUD OF HIS SHOES'

but the band and damon getting over music and their ambitions and became a "paternal figure"

HELP MURDOC SAID AWIOGA @ RACHEL WHICH MADE HER THROW HER DRINK IN HIS FACE AND SPLIT FROM 2D. kinda sad actually, she said i still like 2d but murdoc kinda ruined it by trying to get it in with me, it put a strain in our relationship :/ oh god murdocs That Dude

nov 31 1998: started recording :]

40 tracks that got cut down to 15 holy shit

KONG STUDIOS 🤲

hooking up cameras in every room ejdjsu

webby artist of the year in 2006? holy shit

noodle learning ab kong studios omfg

JFC. YES I KNEW KONG WAS BUILT ON/IN A CEMETERY BUT I DIDNT KNOW PPL FOR THE FUCKING PLAGUE WHERE THROWN THERE HDJD

built in 1739?

the ghost of the first owners ghost still roams around in the kitchen in the early hours and moans 'aaa glass of water'

theres some rotting bullshit near the studios and in the summer its fucking TERRIBLE

the former owners were a biker gang, and they all died in a fire

murdoc said this place has bad vibes. i want it.

grim weather

the building feels impossible to escape from huHgg

#rip lol i feel annoying but my blog my rights ig #brainworm ivy #gorillaz rambles

15 notes · View notes

kendrixtermina · 4 years

Text

Now here's an all new theory for where the procrastination comes from

Like the uni councilors thought of like generic selfhate insecurity or like spineless ppl pleasing (nope an anime cured me of that when I was 13 - thst sounded more like what that ladys own problems might be), fear or failure & wanting to spite my father, eveb that getting ahead through "talent" was an unfair advantage bad tainted and evil, or that "talent" meant being beholden and controlled by others (definitely somewhat right - we worked on that, it helped, the second guy was defs much much more helpful & compatible cause he focussed a lot more on strategies than wannabe-maternal pep talks) but there was always something else there that wasnt getting touched

In tje end I dont think I have talent and in any case what really matters is attitude toward "living the examined life" for example whst you do. What you notice.

Now I did notice that things get harder to do precisely because I actually want them(whereas a lot of ppl get distracted from stuff because they dont really want it) - at the same time I can totally function or pick up new habits in day to day life its not like I have some "hardware problem" like, say, ADHD or the like.

Like of course its some emotional knot it couldnt be anything else but I feel they didnt identify what kind of knot? Certainly not that first lady. If im trying to get clarity and you give me reassuring pep talks you just freak me out more for the love of god tell me whats happening. Nothing worse when a Doctor says "it will be over soon" rather than explain the procedure

Fear of/ distraction from wanting itself never really occured to me thats not a common stereotypical fear that ppl talk about.

Let me get this straight I never thought I was better than anyone I knew very well that I'm not. I thought of both those things as ways not to get bullied, maybe get somewhere where I feel that im in the right place.

If I look back at really breaking experiences it was times I really really wanted something and then I couldnt do it or some outside party stepped on my fingers. That Tori Amos Music Video where she escapes from a psycho killer's trunk and then the passerby's dont help her? That was my most favorite music video in the world for years maybe still is.

Like I was told I could maybe skip third grade and I poured all my energy and passion and strenght into that everything I had to do well, make friends with the new class i was so highly motivated I aced all the exams I felt so happy & fulfilled just being in thst flow state all the time... i wanted this more than anything. Maybe it was the first time I really wanted something beyond vague dreams or base desires. But the homeroom teacher hated my guts and put the kibosh on that; Probably because I was unwittingly repeating some of the artogant classist shit my father spouts without realizing how hurtful it is. my parents thought it wasnt worth going to the higher ups for that but having to essentially redo 4th grade in a crap school in the different town we moved to was one of the worst times of my life. Also I didnt find out that the teacher had hated me/acted in a petty way until years after I thought I just failed. That there was a possible place I could have belonged but turns out I really belong nowhere after all.

All my effort was for nothing. It was such a joy - i mean these days even getting code to work or solving math problems has that same joy - but all that effort and joy and wanting did was that... im tearing up and searching for the words to even process this tbh. I think I denied that joy, told myself that I was just a stupud kid thinking I was a special snowflake. It didnt even matter.

Rather than insist on staying up late to make sure my homework was done I just stopped caring and hardly did another piece of homework in my life just faking it on the spot or coasting through. It could have gone another way maybe if it werent for the bullies and my father the chief bully or if only I was more determined but it was like "okay I dont care anymore I just dont care" and I think thats stayed my default response to dissapointment to this day.

This TV show didnt turn out like I wanted? I dont care its just a tv show.

My father treated be with hatred all my life? Its okay I dont care about him and I dont want his love anyway.

Like there were other times when I thought I could be happy.

Like I really wanted to go to this boarding school for gifted kids. Again I thought maybe incorrectly that this would be a place where I can belong and not be bullied it was never about being better than anyone.

Again I wanted it I clamored and cried and made noise nonstop. Maybe I still hadnt wholly lost contact with willpower back then. I still thought of myself as strong willed.

And my father made me regret it. It was around the same time that mom briefly considered divorce maybe I was just the stress valve. Or he took it personally as wanting to get away from him. Duh he abused me of course I wanted away from him. He was such a suffocating control freak! Mom said yes first then he spoke to her and suddenly she followed everything he said. Thats when I really realized how emotionally manipulative was how abusive... i mean one of my first conscious memories of him is thinking "oh crap I will be just like cinderella" but he really laid it on so thick so transparently even a 10 year old could tell its manipulation. If you do this you dont love your mom. If you do this you dont love your siblings. If you dont obey me your mom will kill herself. No she wont you jerk even my 2 year old self could tell youre abusive.

The most cruel thing he did was briefly say yes. Again I got so happy. So invested. Just bending all I was towards that even though he bombarded me with abuse and mental torture.

And then on the day we were supposed to leave he said no youre not going.

Maybe I actually did say I didnt want to go because of one time he was doing this constant scientology type torture on me

That same reaction: "I dont want it I dont want anything so please please let me be"

Ppl think of bad childhoods as a game that you win if yoz turn 18 -or 28 maybe - without killing yourself. But its not. Every year you live it can take away from your potential. Every day less than you have to live it

He sure didnt let me have sucess with his overcontrol and abuse. Anything I was proud of he rules. When I graduated from school with a fairly good but not perfevt final score he humiliated me. When I turned 18 he humiliated me. Everything I did was a burden even just feeding and washing me. Hed give me unwanted white elephant gifts then bitch about how giving them to me ruined his life cause he had to work so muxh "Ingrate Ingrate Ingrate" Butch I never asked for anything I want nothing!

But as I had to eat I did in fact have to ask things of him and I hated it so much.

No wonder that I turned out afraid of wanting things eh?

Hed seen some poster when we went to see tje school I wanted to go to - not by the school by an individual student - about the history of abortion portrayed in a positive way or at least that was his official reason why I couldnt go. Again I had wanted something badly with all my being and again all my being availed nothing. Irrelevant like I didnt exist. All my screaming gone unheard.

And this is so silly cause im not a child anymore I have control and if I were to stop procrastinating I could have money and gave even more control.

I havent even spoken to him in years now hes no longer relevant. Its not about him its about thus bad pattern I picked up.

I like how this books handles it with the idea that certain experiences dont create the type but that it nakes you uniquely suceotible to certain kinds of hurt or certain misunderstandings.

Because with all this discourse about bad message free media ive really come to think that while it can and should be minimized its not possible to eradicate cause human mibds are so quicl so fallible to extract overgeneralizations and make it mean something abput themselves

Like an immature statistical learning model easily overtrained by noisy data.

Another time I was nearly happy was when I started looking for work, doing my thesis...

Same pattern I was engaged, happy to be engaged talking to ppl at both work and in the uni work group loving it all so much...

my life had started to feel meaningful again. And it had gotten to that point in part because of my ex-fiance. Yes the councelling heloed taking up meditation helped, getting high on morning glory that one time helped a whole lot got more self esteem from that than I ever got from my father.

But that all started because of my ex fiance.

He was an i tellectual type and he had a sense of purpose about him like hes a legendary character and everyone around him became legendary too. And he found me useful! Others had called me "walking dictionary" with mockery and scorn he called me his google and it meant love and admiration. Maybe I got a bit of an ego trip off of tjat but I also really stupidly dumbtastically loved him I bragged of him to anyobe who listened everything he did seemed fascinating abd interesting and meaningful, but also I just loved the sweet gentle warmth of being next to him in the morning. Once again I was happy and everything was joyful even when it was hard, I felt strong and meaningful and useful and I let myself openly want things.

And then it all blew up. Worse yet i was so mistaken abozt him it really shook my confidence in my own judgement or any sense of clarity. I was si confused during the fucking breakup like I hadnt been since I left my father's house.

Google hah! More like his personal Alexa! It turns out he didnt respect or like me at all.

I couldnt even be sad or angry cause it was all my mistake. The one feeling I allowed - and even that took me weeks to identify - is dissapointment. Heavy leaden dissapointment i didnt even kniw that was a feeling you could feel so strongly. I didnt even do anything wrong you have to open yourself to have love. He could habe choosen to love me he just simply didnt. He probably thought he did but he wouldnt evebn do something as simple as not make fun of my voice or clean when I am sick.

Once he started putting me in the "wife" role he just became unable to see me. His loss really cause I think he wanted to keep me from all those annoying texts and email he had the nerve to write.

By all means I was right to trust but also right to leave later but still my sense of certainty and purpose and meaning was totally shaken. He did the sort of romantic stuff I didnt think was real. I knew I loved him when we had this conversation about water on mars. He got me the perfect books for my birthday! He said I was pretty and a genius and looked just like an actress. He got me this titanic esque heart pendant with stars. We were stuck at midnight in a train station that one time and he pulled out a picnic rug two plastic glasses and a shampain bottle. It never worked out but he said he might take me to see the LHC! I really thought we would be buried in the same hole folks!. He had read that same steven Hawkings book that I loved. One of the rather few books he actually read as I would find. Sigh.

And I fell right back into that same old pattern. Dont care about anything dont want anything it would be stuoid unrealistic and silly to want.

When I first came to uni I also had this feeling of hapiness and belongingness and wanting, I was putting in an effort, talking to ppl more.. and when things went wrong the slightest bit I pulled by hand back from that like from an open flame.

And here I am years later most the sucess or contact I get is comments on my fanfictions.

I thought I was doing that, or drawing, because its Stakes/Evaluation-free (going by the fear of failure theory) or because at least with the ffs gratification/payoff for effort is immediate compared to original stuff or uni work. Its a nice little niche at least.

I mean I do care about it its not "just" distraction but maybe ive been profaning it in that way... and so etimes I dont even do that and go for full unadulterated undebatable distraction; Line to 7 I guess. Tje only reason I spoke face to face to anyone else than the delivery guy this week is that I had some doctors appointments.

But not its distraction from stuff Im too lazy to do or even from pressure like I always thought. But from wanting things.

So the original fiction went great while it was a distraction from school not so much when its one of the things I most want and actually have the time to do it.

Even thought thats the most practiced skill I have that I never stopped working on since I was 10. 🤦‍♀️

I mean they already explained that its basically like meditation. Or weeds. Or popup ads. Youve got to click them away as they pop up.

I always told myself thst I didnt have to be happy... and thats not even untrue actually but it would sure be neat to be happy again one of these days.

#enneagram #enneagram type 5 #feelings #enneagram 5w4 #5w4

5 notes · View notes

floatingpetals · 6 years

Text

Peace and Quiet?

Pairings: Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings: Angst-ish, language, the reader makes a poor decision, fluff as well

Word Count: 5900+

Request: “I seriously love your longer one shots! Could you please do a Cap (or Bucky) + reader, where the reader is kinda loud/outgoing because of not wanting to be forgotten or something? And the reader figures they make him uncomfortable and shuts everyone out, leading to him confessing he likes the reader? Fluff please?” @homeybadger

A/N: Wow so uhh, this has been a request that’s been sitting in my inbox for sooooo looonnng. No seriously, like super long. I feel so bad that it’s taken me just now to get to it. I wanted to do something nice with it, but I just couldn’t get it right, then I forgot it was there and then I remember and scrapped the whole thing. I hope you enjoy this story and I hope the length makes up for it! I did not mean to take so long on this! I hope you all enjoy!!

**I’m also debating on doing a second part, but it all depends on the feedback I get. So please let me know what you think! ❤

Gifs not mine, credit to the creator!

“Oh, bad luck. You landed on Boardwalk,” Sam smirked, a giggle beginning to bubble in his chest as the rage that was settling on Y/N’s face across the table. She glared at the double dice, a freaking snake eye, that had been against her the entire game. “And if my math is correct, with my three houses you owe me $1400. And from the looks of your very sad pile, you’ll have to sell everything on top of declaring bankruptcy.”

“I hate this game!” Y/N screamed, throwing down the $300 hundred she had left.

“Hey, don’t hate the game!” Natasha shot back, grinning behind her beer bottle. Y/N shot her glare.

“Oh, shut up! You and Clint have been cheating the entire time and you know it!” she growled. Clint gasped but was cut off by a sharp jab in the ribs by Bucky. He grumbled and pulled out the chance cards he had stashed away, and nudge Natasha to pull out the money she had hidden away. “See! This game sucks!”

“Now, now. No need to go all green on us.” Tony grinned. Bruce made a noise before letting out a puff of air. Irritated with both the game and how smug everyone was acting, Y/N exploded with a primal battle cry.

“Fuck this game! You people are all cheaters!”

Everyone had enough time to grab their drinks off before Y/N flipped the table, the pieces flying everywhere. Bucky and Wanda both doubled over in their seats, howling when Y/N began to scream at Tony, who jumped up and was yelling back at the same volume. Clint and Natasha were grinning like idiots as the mayhem grew. Bruce rolled his eyes when Sam jumped in, normally the tone the room shifted would set him on edge, but this wasn’t unusual. The only person that wasn’t reacting, save for Vision who had no idea why tensions were so high over a silly game, was Steve.

He had decided to sit this game night out. After the Mario Party debacle, he wasn’t ready to jump back in the ring. Thor spun a wheel and tossed a dart to cut someone’s stars in half. He landed on Y/N’s. While she was once in the lead, that cut her stars in half and she was suddenly in last place. That was fine. It was when she was hit by Bowser, who Tony was playing as when they managed to let him loose of his little prison that she flipped her lid. The team got a kick out of her raging at the games, and all banded together to see how quickly she could snap. Steve, however, didn’t see the charm in it.

To put it lightly, Y/N was a lot to handle. She was everywhere all at once to begin with, her voice carrying through walls. There wasn’t a single mean bone in her body, aside from her intense competitive streak. She seemed to win over anybody. Steve still wasn’t sure. He’d admit, she was sweet and everyone else seemed to love her. Steve thought she was cute too, sometimes she would fall asleep on the couch and he’d find himself taking advantage of her stillness to stare. But she never stopped to breathe once it seemed. He couldn’t recall a time where she wasn’t talking loudly about something or practically bouncing off the walls from excitement. She was a lot more than he was used to. Y/N made his head spin. It wasn’t terrible, but it was a bit exhausting after a while around her. It also didn’t help that sometimes her power manifested with her growing emotions. Which is what was happening right now.

“You’re the one who wanted us to play this stupid game!” Tony accused, rolling his eyes.

“Did not! I specifically said that I thought it was a stupid idea because I always end up flipping a table! You’re the one who then said we had to play it since learning that bit of information.” She countered pointing a finger at him. Tony stopped, a sly grin spreading across his face.

“Oh yeah.”

“Ugh!” She grumbled. “You people are so frustrating! Why do you do this to me?!”

“Because it’s fun.” Tony grinned, his eyes flashing with glee. That was the wrong thing to say. Now Y/N really was angry. She grits her teeth and balled her fists at her side. If this was a cartoon, she’d have steam coming out of her ears she was so angry. Unbeknownst to her, her powers started to manifest with her mounting fury, afflicting the others in the room.

Y/N’s power was special and even a bit strange considering how specific it was. Since she could remember, Y/N always had the gift to control the aura around her to suppressed others authority and leadership skills. It was a power that had come handy in her life, but also hindered her more than it helped. She had a rather strong grip on it at all times, but sometimes that control slipped. Tony’s face paled, and everyone else around her started to shift uncomfortably.

“Uh-Y/N.” Wanda reached out, her fingers gently brushing against the back of Y/N’s arm. Wanda flinched, the contact enough to send her the full force of Y/N’s strange power, but she fought to stay strong. Y/N blinked, quickly realizing the shift in the room was because of her. Her shoulder’s dropped and the suffocating aura surrounding her disappeared. The room sighed collectively in relief.

“See. This is why you shouldn’t poke the bear.” Y/N huffed, crossing her arms against her chest. Tony chuckled and shook his head.

“It’s nice to know you’re aware.” Sam let out a laugh as well, grinning widely at her. She grumbled under her breath and turned to sit back in her seat. As she did, she scanned the room and noticed a spot empty. Standing straighter she glanced around the room.

“Hey, where did Steve go?”

The group collectively turned around, just now noticing the empty seat their Captain once took up as well. Bucky frowned and shot a look to Natasha, who seemed on the same page. Slowly, he turned to back to Y/N.

“Uh... Maybe he decided to turn in early.” He tried. The team seemed to take it, albeit skeptically. He had been doing this a lot lately, getting up at disappearing without a word. No one wanted to say it aloud, but they all noticed it happened around the time Y/N came to the team four months ago.

Y/N stilled, her eyes hardening for a split second before they seemed to glaze over. Shaking her head, she heaved a sigh.

“I’m gonna turn in early too. Sorry, this little outburst just took a lot out of me.” She said, stepping over the discarded pieces and was out of the room before anyone could argue. The room had shifted into a subdued atmosphere, everyone thinking the same thing.

“Someone needs to talk to him.” Wanda murmured. Bucky nodded, letting out a sigh.

“I’ll talk to him.” He said. The rest all murmured in agreement, slowly trickling out the room since game night clearly was done for the evening. They could only hope tomorrow would end on a better note.

~~~~~~~

Y/N sat on her bed, clinging to her favorite stuffed animal wondering just where she went wrong. Since she joined the team a few short months ago, she had been trying her best to get close to the rest of her teammates. Naturally, she was a bubbly person. But her gift made it harder for her to get close to anyone. Her parents thought it was odd, the power came from nowhere when she hit the age of three. It took them time to figure out that it wasn’t because she was incredibly intimidating and that she was unintentionally suppressing their confidence level.

They spent years taking her to doctors and specialists that might be able to help her control her powers. It wasn’t without consequences. Because she struggled for so long to control her powers, she spent a lot of her life unintentionally hurting those around her.

Her classmates didn’t know what exactly, but they knew something was wrong with her. She spent the majority of her school years alone in the corner, shunned from taking part of anything in her classes. If anyone tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, something always went wrong. They were terrified of her. The fear turned to indifference and eventually, they paid her no mind. No one wanted her in their lives. But for Y/N, she wanted nothing more than to be accepted and included.

Which might explain why she was the way she was today. It took years to master her control, but she did it. And now that she was an Avenger, she was surrounded by people who were like her. Special and unique. Nowhere else could she be herself as she could here. This was her last chance of being free and she never wanted to be forgotten.

It didn’t take her long to win over the others. They were more than aware of what she could do. Not a one batted an eyelash, no one shrank away in fear they’d be subjected to the smothering fear she could plague them with. If anything, it fascinated them. She was the one who they’d send in to interrogate. Whether on location or in a holding cell, it didn’t matter. Her power was a gift to get the tightest of lips to talk. For the first time in her life, Y/N felt as though she had finally found her calling.

Y/N was proud of how far she had come. It was years of uphill battles and year left in the shadows. But now, she had it all, friends, her family and a job she loved. All except the acceptance of Steve. He was polite, but he always had an air of discomfort around her. Not with anyone else, just her. Y/N hated to admit it, but it hurt.

Since the day she met him, Y/N fell hard. Who couldn’t though? He was charming, cared for his friends and protective of his family. But for some reason, he just didn’t seem like he enjoyed being around her. Perhaps, she thought, it was something she said to him. She couldn’t recall anything that might set his teeth on edge, but she was at a loss.

Letting out a heavy sigh, Y/N set her stuffed animal down on the bed and swung her legs over the side. She knew she shouldn’t dwell too much on it. He could very well be in a bad mood, and it could confidently only be when she’s in the same room. She snorted. Yeah, that was it.

No, she thought, there was something more about it. Thinking back all the times she noticed he’d got running, realization hit her like a freight train. Every time he ran, it was because of something she did. It was her. A broken sob crept it’s way up her throat. She was the reason, that was the only thing it could be. Steve Rogers, the man who unknowingly held her heart in his hands, was uncomfortable with her. She clenched the sheets of the bed and held back her tears.

Y/N had to change. Her behavior had always been a problem, she knew that. She was so terrified of being left alone and forgotten again, she let her eagerness go too far. Falling back on the bed, she stared at the ceiling and came to a life-altering decision.

~~~~~

“Hey! There you are!” Natasha grinned motioning Y/N over to her mat. “I was wondering if you’d ever show up or if I’d have to go up to pull you out of bed.”

Y/N didn’t respond with her usual quip, just sent her a tight-lipped smile and a soft apology. Natasha blinked her lack of typical response slightly off-putting. Where was her boisterous hello and never-ending pouts of energy? It was one of the fun things about working out with Y/N first thing in the morning. This wasn’t usual of her at all.

“Okay.” Natasha drawled, looking over Y/N to try and decipher her new attitude. “Well, let’s get started on stretching you at, then we’ll get on the mat to spar.”

Y/N wordlessly nodded, moving over to where the yoga mats were laid out waiting for her. Natasha took up the spot next to her, keeping her eyes especially close on Y/N. Aside from her uncharacteristically quiet demeanor, it didn’t seem like there was a hair out of place on her. Although, her movement seemed a bit on the robotic side. Y/N was just going through the motions, getting done with her stretches before wordlessly making her way over to the mats without a glance to Natasha.

Natasha sat up and watched Y/N leave without a word, flabbergasted. Things seemed fine last night, aside from Steve’s abrupt disappearance. As far as Natasha knew, Y/N had gone straight to her room to sleep. And everyone was either here in the gym or Tony and Bruce in the lap. So, what happened to Y/N?

“Hey, you okay?” Natasha asked, catching Y/N’s elbow.

“What do you mean?” Y/N tilted her head to the side, brows furrowed.

“I don’t know,” Natasha said slowly, her gaze narrowing the longer she stared at Y/N. “You just seem… off today.”

“Oh.” She uttered simply. “Yeah. I’m good.”

Pulling her arm away from Natasha, Y/N wandered over to where Sam was now standing with Bucky. Their smile grew at the sight of her, both unaware of Y/N’s new behavior.

“Good morning sunshine!” Sam beamed at her, wrapping her up in a hug. Y/N let out a faint giggle as she hugged him back. Bucky grinned and tilted his head in greeting.

“Morning doll. You sleep okay last night? I didn’t hear your snores through the paper-thin walls last night.” He teased, nudging her with his shoulder. Y/N huffed but surprisingly bit her tongue.

“Morning Bucky. Yeah, I slept fine.” Y/N shrugged, her face showing little to no emotions. “We ready to get started.”

Both men were stunned, completely thrown off by her sudden change. They shot Natasha a startled look, who could only shrug. She hadn’t the faintest idea either what happened. Y/N wasn’t supplying them with anything either, so all they could do was continue as if nothing was wrong. It didn’t mean they weren’t going to question her later of course.

Getting done with their training was odd, uncomfortable even. Y/N didn’t speak unless spoken to, and even then they were short simple answers. There was none of her usual spunkiness that fought back with each quip Sam sent her way. He even tried to rile her up, he almost pulled out all the stops in a hope to gain a reaction from her. But she didn’t move an inch. Bucky tried to get her to react when he threw a punch harder than necessary her way. They thought they had her, there was a spark of fury in her eyes after she picked herself up, but she quickly wiped the expression on her face.

In the end, Y/N went through the motions, doing what needed to be done without her usual flare. At one point, Wanda had even commented on how unusually quiet she had been. When Y/N left to head to the locker room, she cornered Bucky and Sam.

“What did you two do?” she hissed, jabbing a finger in Sam’s chest. He made a noise in the back of his throat offended at the accusation.

“What the hell makes you think we did anything?” Bucky crossed his arms across his chest. Wanda turned her narrow gaze to Bucky.

“Well. Something happened to her. And I know Natasha wouldn’t do anything to hurt her.”

“Oh and we would?” Sam snapped, shaking his head. “We didn’t do anything to her Wanda, she was like this when she came in.”

“He’s right.” Natasha interrupted, siding with the two men. “She’s been like this all morning. I have no clue why.”

The door the locker room opened, Y/N walking freshly out of the shower and a new change of clothes. She stopped short when she saw all four eyes locked on her across the room. Awkwardly, she waved to them before heading to the exit. Right as she reached it, Steve swung open the door, towel in hand. His steps faltered and a tight-lipped smile passed on her face.

The group couldn’t see her face from where they stood. All they could see was her nod her head once before stepping around Steve with a wide berth to head out the exit. Steve was left stunned. It wasn’t normal to not have his ear talked off when it came to Y/N. Blinking rapidly, he wandered over to Bucky, brows furrowed in confusion.

“What she say?” Wanda asked. Steve’s mouth fell open to answer but couldn’t find the right words.

“Uh… Nothing.” He shrugged.

“And you don’t find that strange?” Wanda asked the group, pinning each of them with her stare. Bucky bristled at the insinuation, his hands balling into fists.

“We never said it wasn’t. We just have no idea what’s wrong with her.” He snapped, stepping up with his back straighter and shoulders set. Wanda glared right back, red seeping into her eyes. Natasha wiggled her way between them, grumbling under her breath.

“Alright. Alright, enough.” She held her hands out to both, pushing them back. “Wanda, we have no clue what happened. Y/N walked in like this. It’s probably nothing and she’s just having an off day. Why don’t we just let whatever happened run its course and see how she is through the rest of the day. No point on biting each other’s heads off when we all did nothing wrong.”

The group grumbled their agreement, still not at ease with how the morning had turned. Steve was just as concerned as the rest. It was odd that she didn’t greet him with her megawatt smile when he walked in the gym, and it was odd how her face seemed to tighten at the sight of him. All he got this morning was a tight-lipped smiled before she ran out the door. What was even odder was the fact that she seemed to give him as much space as possible. As if she didn’t want to get too close.

Steve turned to the door, his brows creased and mouth in a tight line. Something was going on with Y/N, but who was he to worry about her?

~~~~~~~~

Things hadn’t gotten much better with Y/N over the next few days. She had stopped taking part in the loud discussions that always managed to start up in the kitchen or the living room. Her words were short and few in between, but she didn’t seem upset. Just much more subdued than usual. When someone would speak to her, so would she. But it was never the same volume as before.

Sam and Clint both made it their mission to get her to snap. They did everything from switching her sugar to salt in her coffee to going into her room and putting baby powder in her hair dryer. Nothing worked. She would just sigh and turn her back to them, shoulders tense. They thought she’d give up and go back to her old ways, but nothing worked. Not even Natasha could get her to admit what was wrong.

Steve, however, was taking her attitude change harder than the rest. Don’t ask him why he didn’t even know. He thought he’d prefer her at a lower decibel, he assumed she would be more manageable and easier to get along with. But this, this wasn’t what he thought it would be like. To him, it almost seemed creepy. This wasn’t the Y/N he had come to know. The wasn’t the same woman in the slightest. It was as if someone else swapped personalities with her.

Y/N hadn’t shown any improvement in her attitude in the field either. Actually, she seemed to be less productive now. One of the ways she managed to get people to confess was using her power and then releasing it. There she’d act like a good cop, bargaining with them for information and if they didn’t give her what she wanted, she’d switch her powers back on again. Now, she just threw herself into it. There was no build up, no false sense of security.

Just last week they needed information about the next hit Hydra ordered. They apprehended one of the agents and sent in Y/N to get out the information when he wouldn’t fess up. The team assumed the old Y/N would come out now that she was in the field. Instead, she walked in and used the full force of her powers on the man. She was already so powerful, but she had a strong grip on her control. When her power flared to life, even with the thick walls it suffocated everyone.

The agent instantly started sobbing, blubbering like a small child before it grew to mindless screaming for mercy. As it turns out, her power can actually break the human spirit and shatter their sanity into a thousand pieces. It only affected the man in front of her, but it still rattled the rest of the group. Steve was furious.

“What the hell was that?!” He snarled, dragging Y/N into a conference room. She blinked, her face unmoving despite the rage rolling off him in waves. Tony, Fury, and Maria both sat around the meeting table, their mouths pulled into thin lines. She tore her gaze away, refusing to look at anyone in particular as Steve raged on. “You ruined any chances of getting information out of him!”

“Actually Cap, she ruined any chance of him being a normal human being again,” Tony interjected, pulling up a hologram of the doctor's report. The mental status report had been sent in a few moments before Steve dragged her in. The poor man couldn’t remember his name let alone the information they needed.

Y/N pinched the bridge of her nose between her fingers and let out a heavy breath. When she opened them, their faces hadn’t changed a bit. Settling on a point at the table, the brief glimpse she caught of their expressions was burned in her mind. Steve was livid, Tony seemed borderline irritated with a hint of amusement, while Fury and Maria both had a hard expression that told her she was in for it for the next few weeks.

“Look. I’m sorry. I let a few personal matters get to me and clearly, I didn’t handle it well.” She said calmly. Steve flinched at how lifeless she sounded when she mentioned her personal matter and shot Tony a concerned look. Tony tilted his head in acknowledgment, he too aware of the pain she seemed to be suppressing. “I can’t promise it won’t happen again by accident, but I’ll make sure to put more training in to ensure it doesn’t.”

Fury shifted in his seat, folding his hands on his crossed knee. His single eye narrowed as he looked her over and gave her a curt nod.

“See that it doesn’t agent. Dismissed.” He said curtly. Y/N’s eyes fluttered shut for a spilt-second before she jerked her chin and spun at heel to leave the room. After the door shut behind her, Fury grunted.

“What did you people do to her?” He accused, leveling Steve and Tony with a stare. Both men frowned and glanced at the other.

“We didn’t do anything.” Tony snapped, narrowing his eyes. Steve set his hand on the back of a chair and sighed.

“She’s been like this for almost a week now. This is the first time she’s actually admitted something wrong.” Steve replied, his brows furrowing at the tightness in his chest at the idea. It wasn’t like Y/N to keep everything bottle up inside her like this.

“Well, whatever’s wrong with her, fix it,” Fury ordered. “She needs to be in complete control and that can’t happen when her minds on other things.”

Pushing back the chair he stood, Maria right behind him. Not waiting for a reply, he grabbed the folder off the desk and briskly left the room with Maria following. Steve flinched when the door snapped shut behind them. Tony scoffed.

“You can get rid of that sad puppy dog look, Captain.”

Steve frowned, his head snapping up to Tony.

“What’s with the tone, Tony?” He asked. Tony rolled his eyes and leaned back in his seat.

“We all know you don’t like Y/N, you put up a good front though.” He waved a hand absently. “But when you dart out of a room anytime she comes in, or you won’t sit to talk with her when she comes to find you, it gets pretty noticeable.”

Steve stood taller, his mouth drawing into a tight line. He opened his mouth to argue, but it dawned on him. He hadn’t been the most welcoming person to Y/N in the few months she’s been here. Was that really how everyone perceives him? Tony smirked and shook his head.

“To put it simply; you’ve been an ass to our Y/N, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it was something you did.” Groaning softly under his breath, Tony stood and grabbed his tablet. Steve’s face fell, the notion her change might have been because of him made his stomach turn. Tony clapped a hand on his shoulder, his mouth pulled into a tight line. “Like Fury said, we’re going to fix this. But don’t worry. We won’t waste your precious time.”

At that, Tony left Steve alone in the conference room, the sting of his words lingering behind. Steve’s shoulder slumped. Maybe this had been his fault. But when? How? He really didn’t think it would have been that big of a deal to leave early after the game. Maybe he thought wrong and she did take it wrong. That wouldn’t mean this complete 180 though, would it? It wasn’t the first time he escaped a game night gone wrong, and she didn’t seem upset them. Perhaps it was something else. That had to be it. He really hadn’t done anything wrong, at least he didn’t think he did.

“Hey FRIDAY,” Steve called. Immediately, the AI system responded.

“Yes, Captain?”

“Go back to the last game night, the one with monopoly, did anything happen to Y/N between the time I left, and she went to bed?” He asked. Silence met him as the computer searched the data.

“No, it doesn’t seem like anything happened. She never left her room once she entered either.” FRIDAY replied. Steve frowned, even more, confused than before. So if there wasn’t anything that happened to her then what was with change?

Clenching his jaw, Steve knew he needed to get to the bottom of this. Not just as a Captain to his team, but as a way to make up for being such a shitty housemate. And maybe even as a way to start an actual friendship with him. Now that he’s seen this side of her, he realized how judgment and close-minded he was. He needed to find her and talk with her.

~~~~

Y/N had just stripped out of her suit and into her PJs when there was a hesitant knock on the door. She frowned. She wasn’t expecting anyone tonight, especially not after she just got her ass handed to her. Reluctantly she went to open the door and was surprised at the person on the other side.

Steve stood there awkwardly, his hands in his pockets. She blinked and took a step back.

“Uh… hi?” she greeted cautiously. Steve smiled hesitantly and shifted from foot to foot.

“Hey. Can we talk?”

“W-Why?” She clutched on the handle and shifted behind the door in an attempt to hide behind it. Steve noticed and his smile fell. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

“I know I’m the last person you want to talk to. I’ve not been the most welcoming and I want to apologize. Can I please come in?” He asked earnestly. Y/N was caught off guard at his sincerity. Nodding numbly, she pulled the door open and let him in her room.

Steve glanced around the room, noticing the number of pictures she had hanging up on her wall, pretty fairy lights cascading down the walls illuminating each photo. Her comforter was a light lilac with stuffed animals on the bed. He eyed the little knickknacks matched the rest of her décor on her desks and shelves adding to the warmth and homey feel her room had. Realization hit him that he really hadn’t taken the time to get the real her.

“Go ahead and have a seat.” Y/N waved to the bed before sitting on the other end. Steve sank into the plush mattress, taking a moment to look over Y/N. She refused to make eye contact, to busy wringing her fingers together to notice him staring. Once again, he was struck by how beautiful she was, and how poorly he handled everything.

“Look Y/N, I don’t know what happened the past few days and why you’re acting different, but somethings changed. We all can see it.” He said. Y/N opened her mouth to argue but thought better of it. Steve continued on. “I don’t know what happened, but it hurts all of us to see you like this. It’s like you’ve lost a huge part of yourself and we’re seeing this empty shell. I mean, Sam and Clint both are losing their minds because what ordinarily would work on getting you riled up is doing nothing. And Bucky’s beside himself, Natasha and Wanda are worried sick, and Tony is pissed because-.” Steve stopped short, his face twisting into a pained expression. “He thinks I’m the reason.”

Y/N tensed, her breath catching in her throat. It was minuscule, but Steve caught it. He sat taller and his stomach sank.

“It is because of me.” He whispered sadly. He tore his eyes away from her to stare blankly at his hands. Y/N closed her eyes but didn’t deny it. “I’m sorry. I know I’ve not been accepting. I didn’t mean to hurt you though.”

Y/N nodded slowly, biting her lower lip as he kept talking.

“Truth is, you intimidate the hell out of me. I’ve never met someone who was so sure of themselves and so incredibly proud about it. You held nothing back and you’re so willing to put your heart on your sleeve, I kind of envy you a little. People loved you right of the bat and your just so sweet inside and out. I mean, you didn’t let anyone tell you to chill out before. Which leaves me to ask, why now? Why did I affect you so much that you changed everything about you?”

That caused Y/N’s face to heat up. No way was she going to admit it aloud! It was already embarrassing enough Steve knew he was a reason why she changed, but for him to know what the full reason was mortified her.

“Y/N.” He gently took her hand in his, the corners of his lips turned up. “You don’t have to tell me. I just want you to know that no matter what you think, I don’t hate you. I never did. Matter of fact, I really like you. More than I thought. It didn’t hit me how much I’d come to admire and appreciate your take on life until now. I miss hearing you bicker with Tony about the best brew coffee first thing in the morning or when you and Bucky gang up on Sam. I know Natasha and Wanda miss having their best friend. And game nights will never be the same without you threatening and then following through with flipping a table.”

Y/N giggled and ducked her chin. His grin grew, finally seeing a glimmer of her former self.

“I’m not asking you to forgive me for how I’ve behaved. I can only ask you’ll give me a chance to make up for being such a shitty person.” He grinned.

“Language, Captain.” Y/N teased.

“Is that ever going to die?” Steve groaned and rolled his eyes. “Wait you weren’t even there!”

“I know but hate to break it to you, it’s here for the long haul.” Y/N giggled and shook her head. Steve’s laughter joined hers, his smile stretching from ear to ear. He titled his head to the side after a beat before letting out a sigh.

“So, are you going to be okay?” He asked hopefully. Y/N let out a deep breath, for the first time all week feeling lighter. She was so drained from keeping her emotions in check, it took every ounce of her strength not to react to the attempts at making her snap. She knew it was ridiculous trying to change, but she really thought it was for the better. Turns out, it not only damaged her but everyone she loved.

“Yeah. I think I’ll be okay.” She spoke confidently. Steve patted her thigh and quickly stood.

“Good, because Tony discovered some new game called The Jackbox Party Pack or something along those lines.” He extended a hand and waited for her to take it.

“Wait, right now?” She asked surprised. He nodded and took her hand.

“Yup. Come on. Team bonding time.”

Y/N laughed, letting him pull her up and drag her out of the room. He looked at her over his shoulder, his breath catching in her throat at the way her face lit up from her grin. Turning back quickly, he hoped she didn’t notice the way his ears turned pink. He was an idiot for not taking the time to get to know her. He wasn’t going to ruin his chance with her a second time. Maybe it wasn’t going to easy, but for Y/N he knew it would be worth it.

Perma Tag: (CLOSED)

@dolphinpink310 / @breezy1415 / @hymnofthevalkyrie / @sebbyismyking / @vivideley / @cherrynat / @heelsandfaces / @lovely-geek / @libbymouse / @the-crime-fighting-spider / @dkpink123 / @moderapoppins / @chuckennuggets1213 / @jack4xx / @witchymarvelspacecase / @xxxunluvablexxx / @mannatgalhotra / @kingslaxerpark / @xxashy999xx / @silver-starburst / @cartersbarnes / @thinkwritexpress-official / @feelmyroarrrr/ @m-a-t-91 / @pizzarollpatrol / @sea040561 / @thefridgeismybestie / @sergeantjbuckybarnes / @jasura / @palaiasaurus64 / @teller258316 / @disagreetoagree / @lazinessisalliknow / @palaiasaurus64 / @bfuckjames / @sxdapxpcutis / @doraola / @kkaos15 / @tylerrose931617 / @mummy-woves-you / @claraoswinns / @buckybarneshairpullingkink / @delicatelyherdreams / @thisismysecrethappyplace / @dsakita / @look-to-the-stars-and-wish / @tomhollandtrashtm / @delicatelyherdreams / @cuddle-me-muke / @joyfulzipperpersoneclipse / @lisadickenson / @revenqers / @dannydelay / @musicgirl234 / @iamwarrenspeace / @breathlesspeter / @thebunkerofatlas / @geeksareunique / @ravennightingaleandavatempus / @mcdesij / @unlikelygalaxygiver / @tranquility-or-chaos / @bandbooktvaddict / @mywinterwolf / @piensa-bonito / @nevernotfangirling / @cutie1365 / @harryngtonewithyourshit / @slytherinqueenie / @famouslastlove / @riseandshibe / @blizzbx / @electra-hxart / @lianadelphius / @steebrogurz / @foundthezucchini / @bi-bi-bi-bisexualz / @whileinparis / @for-the-love-of-the-fandom / @delva-stardust /

(Let me know if I missed you, the strike means I can’t tag you for some reason.)

Steve Tag: (Open)

@biologik / @screamimalive / @ahsokastarwars / @bucky-smiles / @robfangirl /

(Let me know if I missed you, the strike means I can’t tag you for some reason.)

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers fanfic #steve roger fic #steve rogers #captain america #captain america fanfiction #captain america imagine #captain america fanfic #marvel fanfiction #marvel imagine #marvel fanfic #marvel fic #reader insert #steve rogers angst #steve rogers fluff #steve rogers imagine

1K notes · View notes