#if the cat dies im gonna freak out

[buntobeans]

delirious venture after tooth surgery

warnings: blood, venture is like HIGH from anesthetic nothing much else

idk if anyone has written this but it's so cute seeing all those videos with people after surgeries being absolutely ZOOTED and having no idea what planet they're on

also i am NOOTTTT a dentist by any means im just going off of my fanfic delirium.... it's 4am this is a pretty bad work but i GAWT TO BE ON MY VENTURE GRINDSET

sooo we all know how sloan has a chipped tooth, right? not entirely sure what it's from, their chipper highlight intro or them eating a rock- either one is funny as hell

to say you freaked out was an absolute understatement, there was blood everywhere and sloan was just looking at you like:

:D

"amor, look what i found!" they hold up the rock in their hands so proudly like a cat that's brought back a dead mouse

"SLOAN, YOU'RE LITERALLY BLEEDING."

you force them to drop the rock/artifact or leave it with the wayfinders, ensuing in a very pouty sloan

one trip to the emergency room later sloan is ZOOTED

literally space ranger the way they are NOT on earth

you go to pick them up, they're in the waiting room

you're relieved by the fact that they're okay but you're absolutely not prepared for what comes next

the medical staff informs you that they're very out of it, slyly adding along that you must be "the partner with (e/c) eyes that sparkle in the sunlight"

the what

you enter the room to see them having an extremely animated conversation to anyone that will listen, whether it's the doctors or the potted plant on the table next to their seat

as soon as they namedrop you you feel extremely embarrassed

they're describing your exact appearance (like if you have brown hair, none of that brunette shit, they're saying "they have #5C4033 hair")

they describe your first meeting and first date in way too specific detail and the middle-aged lady next to them in the waiting room is just like "uh huh yeah if this mf dont stop talking they're gonna be in the emergency room AAGGAAAIN"

"SLOAN SHUT UP"

your partner takes a GOOD LONG LOOK AT YOU

like 30 seconds of just gaping, you really can see their chipped tooth in its full glory

"sloan, we're going home"

they gulp and stare up at you like their big wet eyes

"i can't go home with you"

"why not"

"my partner will get jealous"

"."

"by the way, my partner has the prettiest smile. i miss them" they're looking so sad as they said that, like you fucking died

YOU'RE RIGHT THERE

"sloan.."

"whoa.. how'd you know my name?"

"i AM your partner"

they blink

it's like they're seeing you for the first time again

their eyes are sparkling and they look like they're falling in love all over again

they give you a crooked smile, kind of slumping back in their seat cause you took their breath away, cheeks hotter than before

"hey there!"

you're exhausted from worrying over them and their tooth but they're looking at you like you're the most radiant being in the world- no- the universe

"oh dios mio.. see i was tryna be loyal but you came in looking really pretty and i thought (for only a second i promise, like, one second!) about cheating.. thank goodness we're together tho"

what

your heart does a few flips in your chest

suddenly you're kinda pissed that they had to get injured in their mouth because you want to sloppily make out with this rock munching idiot

the car ride home is almost abysmal

they're belting out stupid songs, randomly screaming deez nuts jokes even when you don't fall for them then cackling at themselves because it's funny to THEM, mumbling things in spanish you don't understand (you swear you hear a "te amo" in there)

it's stressful as HELL for you because you have to constantly check that their seatbelt is still on because they're excitedly looking out the window like a dog with its tongue out

they're also randomly shouting and pointing out shit outside like they're playing road trip bingo

you're thankful when they quiet down eventually until you hear

"Can we get married? I proooomise I'll take care of you.." They sniffle. "I've got the moneeeyy.. 'n I really think you were made f'me.. I jus' wan' t'be t'gether forever... I loooove youuuu..."

you nearly crash the car

JESUS SLOAN

you tend to them at home and it seems like all their object permanence has vanished

gone from this world

because whenever you leave the room to get them water that THEY REQUESTED, they start crying

"AMOR, WHERE DID YOU GO"

they regain their senses the next day and you realize

it's not REALLY that different

they're still a goober

though with less (full) teeth than before

but they're your goober :)

still, using that little marriage speech against them has them flustered because they've really been thinking about it, it wasn't just a whim from their anesthetic-fueled delirium

[peachy-wolfhard]

dating yuta okkotsu

a/n: wowzers more than one post a year??? also HAPPY BDAY YUTA LUB U BABYBOY

Warnings: swearing, sims death, yuta gets elbowed accidentally, a little angst

Word Count: 823

My literal bf

He's so in love

Heart eyes whenever someone even slightly mentions you

Yuta will be talking to someone and if they slightly mention something you like he starts rambling about how amazing you are and how much he loves you while blushing and borderline giggling and kicking his feet

He's so sticky too like anything you do he's right there like a shadow

Yuta is also really quiet when he is being your shadow so 99% of the time he ends up scaring you when you turn around 

One time after a mission, you're nerves were still on edge and Yuta just happened to walk behind you and ended up getting an elbow to the eye (Rika beat ur ass sorry)

Yuta isn't that big of a gamer himself but he LOVES to watch you play the sims, especially if you made you and him

Speaking of the Sims ! Whenever Yuta is away for missions you always update him about what's going on

hi yu! Update ab our sims…OUR SON DIED HE DIED IN A FIRE IM SO SAD!!!!!! BUT ITS OK WE CAN MAKE A NEW ONE ;) wink wink anyway we moved to a farm and ITS HAUNTED. ok bye bye baby ilysm MWAH

VOICE MESSAGES!! Yuta can't get enough of them he loves sending them to you and he loves when you send them

yuta

“Hi honey, I just saw a really cute cat that reminded me of you. I swear it looked almost one hundred percent like you, not even joking…ok i gotta go bye i love you!”

Facetimes are another thing that is pretty regular. Its either you walking around campus showing him to all your friends or him show you around wherever he is

“Yuta, look at these freaks. They’re going crazy without you here…me too honestly”

“I know I'm losing my mind not being around you guys but especially you.”

Another thing he loves is sending random pictures to each other

*picture of yuta being cute* 

y/n

OMG IM SOBBING MWAH MWAH IM GONNA EAT U I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND

*picture of you doing something*

yuta

Cries sobs screams throws up I MISS UUUUUUUUUU <333333 :333

ONE LAST THING

Yuta barely uses emojis, he's an emoticon boy :3

He always brings you presents back from wherever they send him

There's always a big dramatic reunion when he returns. Running into each other's arms, fake loud crying, one of you carrying the other (translation: you carrying Yuta) …the works

Nights after he gets home are very chill. Ordering take out and watching reality tv while just enjoying each other's company. Ending the night by cuddling each other to sleep

Yuta has a note in his notes app of EVERYTHING you like and dislike

Everytime you slightly mention something you like or dislike he makes a mental note to write it down

Even if he doesn't write something down, he memorized it. Remembers what kind of candy you like, what your favorite flowers are, your orders from take out and restaurants

While your guys relationship is lovely and amazing it does get hard sometimes with Yuta always being gone and you having missions and school

Going days without hearing from the other because the two of you are so stressed and busy then having to update each other all at once in one message then repeating the process

Trying to facetime each other but when he's in an entirely different timezone it's hard. You'll be almost asleep and his day is just starting

After a while it started to get to you, that your boyfriend was away for so long, you weren't able to see him, and when you were you had to prepare for him to leave just a few weeks after

Even though you were surrounded by your friends and teachers that love you, you felt so lonely

Finally you talked to him about it, about how all his traveling made you feel so alone and he agreed with you. That he too felt so alone (because most of the time he was) and that he just wanted to stay home for at least a year

Loves snuggling with you but only in private (Maki beat his ass)

Holds you so close at night to the point it feels like he's trying to get into your skin

Seems like the type to either wear minimal clothes to bed or pajama sets, no in between

Kicks the blankets off then curls up to you when he inevitably gets cold

Yes he's very sweet but he still likes to mess with you ESPECIALLY at night

His favorite thing to do is putting his cold hands or feet on you and asking “are my feet/hands cold”

ONE LAST THING

He 100% gets you guys those Lego roses so you can build them together

Overall he very much loves you and cant get enough of you

[testdummie]

CELEBRATING MY VICTORY OF TAKING OVER THE MULTIVERSE!

Hey guys it’s meee!!! Striker the all powerful god of the world~ your new master for all of time~ and we are having a big celebration for my successful takeover of this world! And I have all my (currently caught so far) slaves and my friends here~! 

Here are my three bakers~ and they decided too (was forced) to make us all a beautiful cake~!  Extra chocolate~ extra everything~ my three amazing chefs did so good~ so everyone you better thank robot, flower and cat~

everyone’s real happy to be here~ because they are totally not forced to be here~ we are gonna party all night long~ NO SLEEPING FOR ANYONE. And at 12…. We are gonna have one massive fun event~ an event full of very ironic karma…. So chat, everyone here remembers the fireworks on forth of July right~? Since I couldn’t think of anything for cash bot to do…… and I’m still very annoyed with six horns… GRRR! I CANT GET HER TO REACT TO ME DOING ANYTHING!!!!!! SO MAYBE SHE WILL REACT TO THIS…

Last time she tied the Clyde to the fireworks…. SO NOW THE CLYDE IS TYING HER TO THE FIREWORKS!!! BAHAHAHA! I hired the Clyde to do this and make sure she doesn’t get away!!!! I told it to make sure the ropes are extra tight!!! NOW THAT WILL GET HER FREAKING OUT!!! NO MORE BLAND LITTLE TO NO REACTION FACES TO ME!!! NOW SHE WILL GIVE ME MY ATTENTION I DESERVE!! I WAS gonna tie P to the fireworks too but since he started talking and giving me what I want… and he made such a good cake….. he shall be spared tonight. :)

And don’t worry for six horns, if she dies or gets hurt I can just snap my fingers and fix her right up! Like no injury ever happened! 

Also weird thing that keeps happening, for some reason there was this note in front of the castle saying “ohhhh dad im coming for you, I have questions and your giving me answers” or smth like that…. Was someone trying to rizz me up? Was someone calling me their daddy? 

Whatever, if this I’m assuming is a rizzler comes in, it will take forever to even find me. This place is MASSSSIVVEEE! I don’t even know where everything is! I stole the place from someone damn it! Idk though- there’s cameras everywhere and I keep seeing the motion sensor activate but no one is there…. Maybe someone’s using magic to mess up my cams, Or maybe someone hacked them…. Oh well! I’ll deal with it after the party!

[roosterm3attrash]

101 ways to kill Barney Calhoun

I ended up making this list by going through multiple servers and people so here cuz I found it in my phone notes

Anyway the brilliant minds of the half-life fandom

1.) Waited pressure plate with tnt under it

2.) im going to leave mines under his mattress

3.) i’m setting a rake on his floor so he steps on it and whacks his face

4.) I'm giving him a bomb disguised as a cigar

5.) barney death 3: he ate what elvis presley ate….

6.) I would kill Barney Calhoun by slapping him so hard on the ass that it gives him cardiac arrest

7.) I drop him onto a pit of venomous snakes

8.) Im going to give Barney a beer but instead of beer it will be filled with deadly neurotoxin

9.) “now gordon, ive been keepin an eye out on this combine hideout for a while. they seem to walk in a certain pattern when crossing over to the entrance, which makes me think theyve buried mines all over the place. now, ive memorized the pattern, so im just gonna sneak on over, and you follow my lead, alright? dont worry, i know exactly where all the mines are.” and then he explodes

10.) that one episode of sponge bob where he eats the exploding pie and explodes

11.) set up tripwire then he falls into a tiger pit

12.) I type kill npc_barney into console

13.) slap the boobies off his chest so hard them fly around the world and hit the side of his head like water balloons

14.) i could marry him and slowly feed him mercury over a span for 3 years until he dies of mercury poisoning

15.) He tries to become a wwe wrestler but gets killed in a freak accident mid match

16.) I would kill him by making him a pizza but it’s covered in big chunks of lead but it’s hidden in the sauce and it’s a Chicago style pizza

17.) bring him to a highway and kiss him so hard he gets knocked onto the road and gets ran over

18.) Peeling him apart by the dna strand and eating it like spaghetti

19.) barney gets trampled by a stampede of horses

20.) giving him under the counter off brand viagra

21.) put him in a washing machine and turn it on

22.) shark attack

23.) pit of sharks

24.) barney gets criticized so badly he dies

25.) barney sits in an uncomfortable chair for too long

26.) He gets his arm caught in a bear trap w a beer used as a lure

27.) HE BECOMES THE CAT THAT TRAUMATIZED HIM. HE….YKNOW…..

28.) he gets stuck in a swimming pool like hes in the sims and dies from getting exhausted and drowning

29.) barney roasting marshmallows but his stick ignites into flames and he burns to death

30.) ATTACH SO MANY BALLOONS TO BARNEY HE FLOATS AWAY INTO THE SKY NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN

31.) barney gets rejected by gordon and he gets so sad his body shuts down

32.) I kiss him so tenderly on the lips that he melts into a puddle and dies

33.) i throw him in to a volcano so that he melt into a puddle and dies

34.) "I’ll turn him into a flea, a harmless, little flea, and then I’ll put that flea in a box, and then I’ll put that box inside of another box, and then I’ll mail that box to myself, and when it arrives…I’ll smash it with a hammer!"

35.) stick a bottle of beer into his throat, the whole bottle

36.) give Barney Calhoun a beer can full of poison

37.) hang a piano over the toilet and wait

38.) i think barney should have his spine ripped out through his mouth

39.) he goes to a bar and tries flirting with the bartender and the bartender takes out a shotgun and kills him on the spot

40.) punch him so hard in the penis that he shatters like a brittle glass

41.) bite him in half

42.) I'm grinding him in a giant shredder

43.) bro took a bath in hot mac 'n cheese

44.) i put him ina giant caldron full of water and i begin boiling him down to gelatin and broth

45.) barney accompanies the crew to the borealis and he steps over thin ice and gets dunked into the below zero water and freezes to death

46.) barney calhoun gets carried away by a tornado

47.) took barney on a vacation to Hawai’i and pushed him into a volcano

48.) He dies and he's never mentioned again and nobody cares

49.) died of tummy ache

50.) Stepped on by a strider

51.) shrinked until he disappeared completely

52.) blasted into the sun

53.) Stab him with 300 pencils made with real lead

54.) slip and falls and dies

55.) put him into a Minecraft furnace

56.) Barney ignores the wet floor sign and slips and cracks his head

57.) while swimming in the swimming pool he swims to fast and smashes his face against the pool's wall

58.) he gets a concussion and drowns

59.) i want to put him through a lunchmeat slicer

60.) He falls off a dumb huge cliff

61.) he lives his life to the fullest and at his deathbed at age 93, June 29th, 6:12 am he passes away

62.) he eats a burgie with too much grease and gets a heart attack

63.) testicular cancer

64.) He should get sucked into a fan while trying to fix it at Black Mesa and literally no one comes looking for him

65.) The Pita Bread Room

66.) slipped on a Banana peel

67.) ran over by a crap ton of shopping carts rolling down the hill

68.) barney overheats in a fursuit

69.) he has sex so bad that he dies

70.) Barney dies because i fucking kill him with a shovel 🖕

71.) barney eats the gas station sushi

72.) barney faints via twirling around and holding his hand in front of his forehead, and then slowly lying down with a flower in his hands to indicate death

73.) When they turn off the suppression fields he just blows up

74.) barney gets crushed by a giant boulder thats all i got son

75.) barney goes to the beach that makes you old

76.) His head spontaneously combusts and pops like corn

77.) erectile dysfunction

78.) we should also have him get carbon monoxide poisoning

79.) barney gets gaussian blurred into nothingness

80.) he eats 20 year old expired mcdonalds burger and contracts the worst case of food poisoning youve ever seen

81.) Have we done tying him to a train track like a damsel

82.) he dies in a glue trap

83.) barney develops lactose intolerance over the years of combine occupation and he drink milk and then dies from shitting hinself to death

84.) he should chocke on his favourite food

85.) barney gets lead poisoning from a 1990s garfield glass mug

86.) he chokes on plastic

87.) barney gets thrown throw a glass window from a 15 story building

88.) gordon gives barney a wedgie so bad that he splits in half and dies

89.) gordon and barney divorce and barney dies from heartbreak

90.) alyx and gordon have enough of barney’s snoring so they smother him in his sleep with a pillow

91.) he trips while walking with gordon and impales himself on gordons crowbar face

92.) if he were the size of an ant he'd be ok instead he blows up like a watermelon and his remains are fed to lamarr by a very delighted kleiner. he fucking hated barney

93.) dog roughhouses with barney and accidentally obliterates his spinal cord

94.) barney gets poisoned to death by his own chumtoad

95.) coats him in eggs and flour and fries him

96.) snatched by a hawk and eten alive

97.) barney gets to participate in a danganronpa killing game and gets executed

98.) barney opens the love-letter-for-you.txt.vbs file and it kills him

99.) elaborate rube goldberg machine to drop an anvil on barney

100.) barney dies in an Iron Maiden

101.) we should put barney under those old timey stone tablets meant to squish and torture people and make them talk

[cluelylikesporn]

Hii so this is somewhat my first time doing a request so I’m sorry if it sucks or sum 😭😭 Could you do Mike schmidt x babysitter! reader? Where Abby teases the reader in front of Mike for having a crush on him? srry if it doesn’t make sense or sound like sum interesting I just thought it would be cute 😭

RAHHH first of all thank you for your suggestion!!

second, its legit so cute wtff😭 dont even say it sucks

ALSO DISCLAIMER I KNOW IVE BEEN SAYING ILL POST FOR LIKE FUCKING 5 MONTHS AND THE FNAF SHIT HAS DIED DOWN BUT GUYSSS CMONN COME BACK

Im a lazy cunt😭

word count:

mike shmidt x babysitter!reader !!

gender neutral reader (correct me if i fuck it up)

mentions of y/n. literally once.

word count: 637

I WROTE THIS AT 2AM FORGIVE ANY MISTAKES OK GOODNIGHT

mike walked inside after his first shift at freddy’s, slightly rattled by the dream he had.. but glad to be home to finally get some freaking sleep.

when the door opened, he was BLESSED by the sight of you. abbys babysitter. if he had maybe a drop of self respect or confidence he could ask you out, maybe even date. but lets be honest hes a complete wuss and his best excuse is “not wanting to ruin the thing they had now” which was an occasional awkward exchange of the same 5 phrases such as “hello, good morning, how are you? im ok. how are you? good, hows abby? good. good.” and then a super awkward silence. but in the recent days, when he still worked at the mall he and you actually had nice conversations that didnt feel forced. mike had hope yet.

“hey, y/n.” he said as he put his keys down, observing abby as she swung her feet in excitement from the table, watching you as you made her pancakes.

“hi mike !” you say, turning to him slightly and cracking a smile before you looked away to put the pancakes on a plate and pass them to abby. luckily you looked away when you did because your eye contact was enough to make mike look like a tomato. “i hope you dont mind i made pancakes, if you want some, theres a little more i was gonna put away !” you said, reaching for a plate. “im ok, thanks. and dont worry about it.” he said, sitting next to abby who was looking between him and you, plotting an evil, DEVIOUS, horrid plan with a grin comparable to the cheshire cat. mike gave abby a terrified look as he began regretting even MENTIONING the idea of you in a romantic way to abby. he began mouthing pleads of her to show an ounce of mercy but she already turned to you and began to open her mouth.

“are you busy this weekend?” abby said while making direct eye contact with mike and snarfing down pancakes.

“uhm.. i dont think so? my only plans from now and the unforeseeable future is watching you so if your asking to hang out chances are ill be with you already, weirdo.” you said, as you begin washing up the dishes used to cook.

“not for me, silly! for mike!" she says innocently, batting her eyes and grinning like a madman to me.

god, ive never been more terrified by a fucking 10 year old. trying to brush off the comment of a date to a child, you piece together a response.

"uhh, if im babysitting you.. and its a weekend.. mike would be there too..!" you said awkwardly, trying to just scrub a damn pan.

"but, what if i was at a friends house?" abby added

"then i wouldnt be there." you say.

"but mikes so lonely..! he has so friends-" abby begins, before mike puts his hand on her mouth.

"abby, stop being weird- what the hell!" he says before being interrupted by abby licking his freaking hand.

"thats so unhygienic, dont do that." he says as abby giggles evilly, and you begin to speak.

"well if mikes sooo lonely, he can.. i don't know... just maybe.. ask? if i wanna hang out? because id.. say yes?" you say, looking at mike.

he blessed the skies above that you were actually confronting and he didn't have to face the awkward rejection that haunted him.

the kitchen was finally quiet for a moment, until abby break the silence.

"do it, do it, do it." she chants silently.

"would you.. wanna go out.. with me.?" mike said silently and awkwardly, cursing himself in his head for being so nervous when she literally confirmed she was down.

"sure, mike schmidt."

[darkwitchingflower]

I've lost count but here's another "Sht my friends say as pjo characters" pt like 7???: Also side note sorry if I'm repeating these idr the last one i did lol:

Jason: I opened my glasses case and started panicking because I couldn't find my glasses... I'm literally wearing them

Leo: if I ever have a son ill take every chance to laugh at him

Reyna: Thalia the love magnet. She got b*tches (romantic) when all she wanted was b*tches (platonic) (Gojolover69, see last quotes post by @wraith--2)

Leo: so you're a ho*n't (same person above)

Piper: Stole scientific equipment and everything and we found out the smallest thing in the galaxy is the size of our patience because we gave up the search and stole a gazillion dollar dildo ( @wraith--2 )

Leo:....calculator

Reyna: You're a calculator

Leo: are you calling me smart?

Reyna: no I'm calling you a tool

(I'm Leo and @thatonelazyghost is Reyna here)

Piper: Coach keeps going on about ppl who aren't in and he's like and then there's Annabeth who's broken her ankle ( @wraith--2 )

Will: I'm gay, I have the spidey sense for rainbow things ( @indecisivenb)

Nico: it's not gay if it's from behind

Nico: I'm ready to leave now

Nico: like I'm done

Nico: too peopley

Nico: nvm coach gave me a maulteaser

(Me on my last day of college)

Annabeth: You absolute bean of a human

Piper: Hi its me, Percy, a twink! ( @thatonelazyghost)

Leo: I put Frank down because he's lactose intolerant (me)

Leo: dismember my body and stick me in a lightning McQueen coffin ( @wraith--2 )

Nico: what's your sexuality

Ghost swings it back and forth*

Nico writing down bi: Ah you swing both ways ( @wraith--2 )

Reyna about Leo: DAM bros balls didn't drop

Leo: ...and the tip was empty

Mr D about Connor and Travis: ITS THE F*CKING TWINS!!! WANNA KNOW HOW I KNOW THAT?! THAT GUY HAD THE F*CKING ZOOMIES HE HAD PLACES TO GO AND PEOPLE TO SEE

Nico: is anyone gonna pay attention to the fact Leo's dead?

Leo: THANK YOU!

Nico: You're dead shut up

(Nico is @thatonelazyghost and I'm Leo here)

Luke: I'm no p*ssy ill skin my victims infront of the lifeguard ( @wraith--2 )

Leo: like do you moan daddy, mammy or parental???

Playing stardew valley*

Nico: I love Willy

Everyone dies*

Percy: I love cream in my mouth! (Ider the context for this I just know the sake friend said the quote above this one too so it may be smth to do with that idr)

Leo: I don't need a psychiatrist I- ( @duckbakery)

Piper: you need God (Gojolover69)

Playing DnD*

Leo: I also successfully charmed a woman at the bar, then Nico ( @duckbakery ) goes

"The woman leads you away"

Everyone else: "ohh wait hold on ooo whats going on, dayum"

Nico: "you come back 2 minutes later"

Everyone dying laughing

Nico: "you went into a private room but couldn't stop talking about pirate ships so she gave up"

Alex Fiero (I think that's their name? I haven't read Magnus yet): Oh so YOU'RE the gender goblin ( @thatonelazyghost )

Mr D: I'm literally the god of gender identity, furries and monsters

Piper: I want someone to yippee on my body ( @thatonelazyghost )

Leo: Leo you should know better its because of your feminism you f*cking freak

Annabeth: Freaky feminists have got to be my favourite breed of gender (she was totally talking about Thalia here) ( @wraith--2 )

Calypso: Leo always finishes early

Leo: ye I do- WAIT WHAT?! ? ( @duckbakery )

Playing stardew*

Piper: LEOS A WOMAN

Piper: OMG HIS NAMES EMO-LY

(Me about another friend)

(Pic of character at end of post)

Nico: do you have any food?

Hades: Nope ( @duckbakery )

Nico: guess I'll die then

Thalia: I have a dead cat in my shed

Hazel: OMG PICS

Thalia: Read that again

Hazel: OH OH NO OH NO OH NOOOOOOOO I DIDNT SEE THE WORD DEAD

(I was Hazel here)

Rachel: I do other stuff than being ginger ( @duckbakery )

Percy: If you don't sleep rn im gonna call you tickle tipsin

Annabeth: ... what ( @duckbakery )

Nico: call me what now (me)

Percy: it's from the "it's been a year daddy" video you freaky f*cks

Nico: it's a beautiful day outside... f*ck- (GojoLover69)

Playing stardew valley*

Piper: annabeth ya know he likes pickles right?

Me: ya

Hazel: who like pickles?

Piper: Harvey

Hazel: divorse him!

Piper: ye he clearly likes men

(I'm annabeth and @duckbakery is piper here)

(The text was sent too early)

Percy: sorry I'm late I got blown

Percy: into smithereens

( @duckbakery )

Percy: This is more zesty than Piper and that's saying something ( @wraith--2 )

Leo to Jason: F*cking senile b*tch

Jason: I'm older and wiser except I'm not smart ( @duckbakery)

Piper: forget the fact I split a gay man in half in the gc ( @wraith--2 )

Coach Hedge to frank: why did you feel the need to @everyone about percy and annabeth getting 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 ( @thatonelazyghost )

Annabeth: oooh eloquent 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 ( @wraith--2 )

Reyna: Perchance you can suck my d*ck ( @wraith--2 )

Leo: Perchance you can commit tax fraud with me (Gojolover69)

Piper: Perchance we can stab ppl together ( @wraith--2 )

Percy: Perchance. Get on the f*cking boat and let's hunt 😈 (Gojolover69)

Rachel: perchance 7 half bloods shall answer the call to storm or fire the world perchance must fall with an oath to keep with a final breath perchance as foes bear arms to the doors of death perchnace (me)

Nico to will: Perchance you and me should fall into tartarus ( @wraith--2 )

Thalia: perchance we should all hug and kiss in a platonic way ( @thatonelazyghost )

Reyna: Perchance that is an excellent suggestion (Gojolover69)

Reyna: Perchance I shall kiss Thalia completely platonically ( @wraith--2 )

Percy: perchance that platonically is bs (me)

Reyna: Lies I'm off at sea and don't see Thalia every morning ( @wraith--2 )

Percy: i know for sure you've found a way regardless ( @thatonelazyghost )

Reyna: I feel like this is bullying ( @wraith--2 )

Leo: guys we need to do among us in real life ( @duckbakery )

Annabeth: That's already a game Leo, it's called mafia ( @thatonelazyghost )

Percy: I see you've grown a brain can you share (friend from work)

Thalia: the need to refer to eachother as "love", "dear" and "pookie" is strong but the aro is stronger ( @thatonelazyghost )

Piper: this whole group is secretly but not very secretly a big polyamorous relationship ( @thatonelazyghost )

Reyna: So glad the sex aversion in me is strong cause imagine the stds going round this place my God ( @wraith--2 )

Annabeth: i'm iconic i'm quotable and i'm autistic ( @thatonelazyghost )

Leo: Are you a heinz baked beans, extra rich tomato sauce-sexual? (Gojolover69)

Percy: So my mam booked me and my sister a swimming lane for tmr morning, and I'm like oh dear God mother, u do know I'm currently blasting liquid magma from my a*s, which travels at super sonic speeds, do you reckon this is safe for public health? (Gojolover69)

[floydsglasses]

𝗜'𝗺 𝗦𝘁𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝘀𝗼 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲'𝘀 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗛𝗮𝗽𝗽𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗦𝗮𝗱 𝗗𝗮𝗴𝗴𝗲𝗿 𝗛𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗰𝗮𝗻𝗼𝗻𝘀

This is gonna be bad im just warning you im freaking tired and stressed, they are gonna be Sad and Happy and UNHINGED.

Bradley has a little Rooster figurine in the front of his jeep, he got as a gag joke and was gonna leave it at whatever house he got it at but now has emotional attachment to it.

Jake's go to song in Karaoke when he is sober is Queen, he will belt out We Will Rock you, but when he is drunk enough he will sing Dolly Parton's 9 to 5 with every bit of southern twang he can

When Bob is really angry he will drop his midwest accent and go full on southern, like deep south

Natasha lost a bet in high school and had to get a bad tattoo, said tattoo was something like a duck with a cowboy hat, or stupid quote, you decide

Mickey unironically sings the lyrics to Taylor Swift's Love Story, like he will sing the bridge at the top of his lungs going sixty on the highway.

Rueben is the kind of guy to say he won't rage quit a video game then will toss the controller after failing two time's.

Javy would be the kind of guy who would let a kid paint his nail's, pink purple yellow, he does not care he will flaunt it off it because it makes the kid happy.

Bradley would somehow get a cat or dog, like one of those distribution system's like on tiktok, he would say he would foster it but end up keeping it naming it something human like, Kevin or Betty

Natasha say's she dosent like country music, but wont admit she would get down to some Luke Bryan here and there because who wouldn't

Bob seems like if he was put into a situation where him and his friend's got lost, he would be the calm one but on the inside he is panicking, he will see an exit sign with a restaurant and be like. "Guy's its okay there's burgers."

Javy will pull over when he sees cows and take there picture's. No joke would even try and pet one.

Rueben and Mickey are the worst people when it comes to trivia because they are so good at it, when they get an answer right they increasingly get more competitive.

Jake cried playing RDR2 when Arthur died and he also despised Micah like the rest of us.

Rueben is great at bowling, so good that most of the time no one play's with him

Bob will doodle little drawings on sticky note or notebook's when he is bored and give them to any of the dagger's, He drew Natasha a sketch of bird, she kept it in her locker.

Bradley has a mixtape from his dad, Goose, titled "Song's You Need to Hear Once", it's all filled with songs from the Sixties to the Eighties, all classic's from Rock to Motown, after his mom died he didnt dare to touch it, after the uranium mission he starting listening again.

Natasha has bracelets from her little cousin's that she wear's for good luck, they are bright yellow and purple string's, she never take's them off ever

Jake collects stickers from each state, his dad used to bring him a sticker from each of his trips before he got too busy, so he is trying to finish them off himself.

Mickey has a tattoo to honor his family, a way to have a piece of them everywhere he goes. A small quote in Spanish on his side stating Por aquellos que amo me sacrificaré/For those I love I will sacrifice

Reuben like to sleep in a hammock sometime's under the stars, reminding him of his childhood and growing up in the south, when he would play outside with his siblings

Javy is a momma's boy, in a good way, this man will always call his mom or text her about the thing's going on his life, before a big mission or detachment he calls her, tell her he loves her.

Jake has stepped on a jellyfish on a beach, after saying "oh they dont sting'" just for him to get shocked

Bradley broke his arm doing stunts on his bike as a kid, he has permanent scars on his forearm, he did in fact do it twice till Carole told him to not do it again.

Natasha and Bob learned the Rasputin Dance from Just Dance

Mickey has argued with people that pineapple belongs on pizza, he will full on go tooth and nail to defend his claims.

Reuben has knocked the Radio off in the Rec room, and has blamed it on Hangman, it was a whole debacle

Javy has a fear of snake's, he found one once and he took of running leaving his friend's to deal with it.

OKAY THAT IS ALL SHE WROTE, I know some of these dont make sense but I dont care i needed a stress reliver before another stressful week. AND THATS ALL SHE WILL WRITE BECAUSE THIS FAILED AGAIN

[smaeemo]

15x18 "Despair" Quick Brainrot Summary

Jack is totally #bombmaxxing and they are like we gotta GTFO or totally magic this shit away

Billie pulls up to the function and is like "Y'all done." scythe in hand totally looking legit cray and is like "You bitches were sooo close"

The winchesters are then like "But bro, Chucky bear was the one behind this all along!"

Then Castiel out here begging please billie, " jack is so gonna detonate, pls fix my boy"

And Billie's like "This shit is bad, ig he's gonna lowkey explode, but I can like send him to a special little place" then proceeds to zap Jack into the empty, and is like "He's in a place that will absorb his shock #rubberwalls"

As soon as Jack finds himself in vemon's innards he like totes EXPLODES

Cut back to The team freaks, and Billie is like "Oops there she blows! Also I sent Jack to the empty" and they are all like "Oh that's not-" and then Cas is like "Is he like LiveMaxxing rn?" and Billie straight up "Idk" emotes.

Then Billie just goes like "The empty, shes.. large and vast... but she is gonna be PISSED if Jack is livemaxxing, and like we are already beefing so I banned her from earth and she like needs to be summoned or whatever" Then she's like "Jack for God's death book, good trade? good trade?" and they are like "YOU BASTARD, YOU LIED" and totally felt #betrayed. And she starts to peer pressure sam into giving her the death book.

Cut back to Jack, because he is "Live" Maxxing!!! and the empty now has beef with him too and is like "YOU DUMB BITCH IM GONNA KILL YOU-"

Cut back to The winchesters, and Sam gives into peer pressure and is like "here's the book" as he throws it on her #desk #customerservice. And Billie gets her fingers in there are #reads and is like "hmmm.... by god! there's a new ending" then channels her inner Villian and gives us the "Interesting..."

Cut back to Jack and the empty is like totes peeved and is like "YOU WOKE ME UP YOU CUNT, LIKE THAT'S SO NOT GLAZING" then like lowkey lunges, but before the violence can ensue Jack is star trek'ed back to the bunker

Then Billie is like "This bitch mine" and has a full ass custody war before Dean grabs her scythe and slashes her and she like cat hisses, uses the force, and then /resets her character back into her domain.

Jack like faintmaxxes and Sam is like "Omg! The book! It stuck!"

TIMESKIP

Dean and Sam work out their drama per usual and are like Bitchboy Michael is totes ghosting us.

Cut to a reaper going up to Billie and being like "The place has been secured from the EMPTY" and still peter griffin seething Billie is like "OMG! TYSM"

Cut back to Winchesters/main plot where the apocolyspe people TM/Ressurected hoes are like dissapearing, and they are like "Ugh, that girl is still doing this shit??" (Billie)

Then Charlie (Apocolyspe edition) who they are visiting because her bae was /kill @e'ed, and Charlie is like "these mfs know something" and so tfw is like "Billie is beefing because Dean stabbed her and everyone is gonna die"

Then sam has a lightbulb moment, and is like "Eileen!" so they haul ass over to her, but were too fashionably late and all that was left was her phone (sad face)

Sam gets like 2 min grief before going "Lets make a bass and ward that hoe with bedrock atp, yk for all the apocalypse people and #resserecters"

Then they are all like "Omg yes!!!" But then Dean is like "Im gonna go back to the bunker and kill Billie for being a HATER" and Cas is like "Baby don't go alone, I'll #tagalong"

Everyone thumbs up the message and they like go their separate ways

Sam and Jack go to a creepy ass Silo and totally ping everyone give their location, #send ur ETA

Everyone/most get to the silo and the crew is warding that bitch UP and they lowkey doing all the cheats to keep the tresspassers OUT. Then Jack goes near the plant and the plant #dies and Jack is like "Bruh" and then when they think they are safe, the uno reverse card is totes played and everyone starts tragically dying (besides sam and jack) and jake is like "omg wtf" and sam is all "sad face"

Cut back to Dean and Cas: They get back to the bunker and Dean grabs the Scythe and uses a key to go back into Billie's pad, and is like "Lets make her SWEAT" so they walk around looking for her and #destroying things/

Then they find her and dean lowkey stabs her and is like "Wasn't trying to kill you. so like stop killing all my pals" and she's like "Girl that's like not even me doing that, its chucky, doy"

And Dean and Cas are lowkey #shocked! Then she uses the force on them aka channeling her darth vader, then grabs her scythe.

Then she's all like "When you slashed me, you pulled a hamlet and basically poisened me to die, which is so not #nice" and then she's all like "IDGAF abt dying, its inevitable, so Im gonna complete my quest and KILL YOU DEAN" then Cas and Dean are shaking in their boots and try to out run DEATH and make it back to the bunker.

After they get back into the bunker Dean is like ok ok wtf do we do, and then Billie shows up yet again Darth Vader style, using the force to like stop Dean's heart.

And Dean and Cas start running, and Billie is like "Hoe, I have your heart wtf r u even gonna do??"

Then they make it to a store room and Cas uses his blood and makes a sigil that is anti-billie, then Dean's heart works again and

Billie is like standing out side of the door knocking on it like so annoyingly this whole time

Dean is like "Im so sorry, I am a vengeful piece of shit and now both of us r gonna totes die. But like me first" and then he's like "We should been with Sammy and Jackie and not here, Im lowkey apologetic"

And Cas suddenly is like "Think think BRAINBLAST" and is like "Well... there is someone who can stop her... someone strong enough to end her for GOOD" and Dean is like "tf?"

Then... Cas spills the beans about his deal and Dean goes "You what?" feeling #betrayed

And Cas is like "the deal was my life for his, that the empty would take me at my moment of true happiness" which is so lowkey PETTY

And Dean is like "Y r u tell me rn?"

So Cas goes: "I know. I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive, and you're angry, and you're broken. You're "daddy's blunt instrument." And you think that hate and anger, that's... That's what drives you, that's who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you see it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. (he smiles, crying now) You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell... Knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack... I cared about the whole world because of you. (sad laugh as a tear rolls down his cheek) You changed me, Dean."

And dean is like "Y this sound like a goodbye????"

Then cas goes "bc it is" leaving dean #speechless

Then before dean respondmaxxes...

Cas goes "ily" and dean is like "nah don't do this Cas..."

Then the random squelching of knockoff venom comes up behind him and Cas goes "Goodbye Dean" and SHOVES that boy into the corner, leaving a #bloody handprint TM on his shoulder (similar to the burn from when he GRIPPED him TIGHT and PULLED HIM from perdition)

Then Billie BUSTS into the room and the Empty takes both of them into the mysterious goo world. and Dean is like "yo wtf" and starts #sniffle maxxing

Then Sam starts calling him, and Dean ignores it and starts #sobmaxxing

All in all

Apocolypse people/resurrected died L

Cas #confessed to Dean then got eaten by knock off Venom alongside billie

And Dean won a crying competition

The end.

[isaactheterrible]

could you write about sniper and demo bragging to each other about how many cryptids they’ve seen,, and then eventually arguing about which cryptids are real or not? I think it would be swag,, also I like your header

Thank you so much! (Also this request is freaking awesome, I hope I did a good job).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Demo + Sniper: The Cryptid Discussion

Sniper didn't like the cold. But it was simply one of these nights. The wind blew cold air that invaded his van and the road outside was freezing. He hated these nights, cold and alone, desperately holding onto a far-too-thin blanket for any semblance of warmth.

But tonight was bound to be different. To Mundy's surprise the Scotts Man, Tavish had decided to come on by, probably looking for his drinking buddy for the night. The tall man came in , closing the door quickly but carefully as to not damage the two bottles of whiskey he was holding, one in each hand.

"Nice place ye got here, the cobwebs are a nice touch." Said Tavish as he made himself at home, sitting down on Sniper's table. To his dismay it appears his drinking buddy seemed tense, paying little mind to the Scotts man.

"What's up Mundy? Not in a talkative mood are ye? C'mon sit down lad, I got a story to tell ye." He insisted, gesturing to the seat beside him. Mundy did as he was told which Demo took as a signal to start his story.

"Well ye see, I reunited with an old friend recently, I was visiting me mum and I decided to go out with some lads I hadn't seen for a minute, the lot of us went out to get pissed (drunk) and next thing we know we're out on some dock, so I open me eyes to take a look around and you'll never guess what I saw! There's freaking Morag out in the water!"

"Morag?" Sniper asked clearly confused

"Ye know dirty dark brown skin, long neck, serpentine head, 20 feet long, Morag!" He said looking almost baffled at Sniper's ignorance

"Wait, is that some kind of cryptid you have over in Scotland?" Sniper tried to clarify

"Aye, I guess it makes sense ye wouldn't know 'im. I've seen 'im before, back when I had both me eyes, I was a wee (young) lad back then tho. In me paw's (father's) boat, the damn thing swam around us like it was gonna attack us! Gave me a bloody heart attack! Almost peed meself!" Demo joked

"Ye know I understand if ye don't believe me or think I was just a wee lad or drunk. Most people think I'm full of it." Demo said, looking down at his whisky, appearing a bit ashamed to have said his story aloud.

"Don't worry I believe ya mate. I... I've had my own fair share of... Bizarre experiences." Mundy said tensing up a bit.

"I used to go hunting with my ma when I was younger but one time I decided to go out alone, ya see in Australia there is the myth of the Yowie. You see it's said that out in the Australian wilderness there is a large hairy dumb bipedal creature, kinda like bigfoot. A big but harmless cryptid, a gentle giant but I know the truth. It ain't stupid and it sure as shit ain't peaceful."

The pain in Sniper's voice was evident but Demoman knew Mundy had difficulties talking about things like these, maybe if it was later in the night or maybe if the pair was drunker they could talk about it but not now, not like this.

"Ye know, Morag ain't the only spook I've come across." Demo joked, receiving a hesitant chuckle from Sniper.

"Ya seen any other creepy critters?"

"Have ye heard of the Alien Big Cats?" Demoman asked playfully

"Spooky motherfuckers, black cats the size of cows! They killed me mum's sheep." Demo proclaimed proudly

"You sure it wasn't a wolf or hell even a panther?" Asked sniper

"Panther? In Scotland? Ha! Don't make me laugh lad, these spooks ain't no panther and they sure as hell ain't no wolf. I've seen 'em stalking their prey with their biddy yellow little eyes... They attacked me friend Jean!"

"Ah is she alright?"

"Nah she died, it was cancer tho not them damn cats. She fought 'em off! Hit 'em with her cane! They didn't know who they were messin with!"

"I'm sorry for your loss mate." Sniper said awkwardly, not really knowing how to console someone.

"Is alright lad, Jean was a strong lady, fought it to the very end, those damn cats never stood a chance! Attacking a woman with a cane! Those damn felines!" Demo joked

"Hehe, damn cats. Ya know me and my dad got attacked by a cryptid once. The two of us were returning home from the cinema when a damn 6ft tall lizard came at us! We had to hole up in a damn public loo (toilet)! Waiting for that thing to get bored and leave!" Sniper explained

"That's not a cryptid, that's a damn Komodo Dragon!" Demo complained

"Says the guy who lost sheep to a glorified bobcat!" Sniper responded angrily

"I told ye already it ain't no bobcat, it's an alien!"

"Bollocks! What, these animals build their own spaceship to travel to earth? To do what exactly? Eat some sheep and get beaten up with canes?" Mundy argued

Demo looked away shyly, failing to come up with a witty comeback or an intelligent argument. Sniper had to admit it, it made him ashamed to hurt his friend, even if his friend started it. He didn't mean to put Demo in a difficult position.

"Ya know, I was young when the lizard attacked us. My dad probably told me it was the Megalavia to make me feel better, it was probably a croc or something." Sniper said, trying to improve his friend's mood.

"I thought these only existed in Florida." Demo joked

"Maybe they're an old-wives tale. A myth." Sniper said, a sly smile on his face, showing off his crooked teeth

"Ha! that'd explain how big these bastards get! Toothy fucks!"

"You're a good sport, mate."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did y'all spot the ICP reference?

[noodleshark]

Terror fam Headcannons 3

or i guess facts, since theyre my ocs now.

Raffi has an animal special interest

He has thought about what animals him and his family would be VERY IN DEPTH

Sori is awful with names

She named herself after her special interest(her name is sound in korean and her special interest is music)

She heard paru say the japanese word for friend before and picked up on it, you'll never guess what she came up with when yujin asked for a new name

When they get a cat, he names it the korean word for CAT

oh speaking of sori knowing korean: Raffi is Malaysian, Raine is brazilian, Yujin is british, sori's korean, obviously, and paru is japanese and british

Sori does not know shes korean

Raine can't spell in english and sori cant spell at all

Raffi likes bugs and refuses to wear bug spray. but then he'll get annoyed about being itchy from bites

During any holiday with fireworks he throws those popit things at raine's feet.

Raine would wear shoes in bed if paru didnt tell her she wont snuggle with her if she does that

Sori does that thing where sometimes if she wants to cuddle she'll just go inbetween those 2

one of the things from being a monster for a lil bit(design change pending), she can purr now!

When she was little she had a cat but she got seperated when she was 6

when raffi sees yujins eyes for the first time he just goes "harbor seal"

in july raine started to try to teach sori how to swim

Sori had an ED for a while so when one day he(nervously) asked raine to make something specific for one of their meals she was like "🥺 yeah of course!!!"

she always made them what they wanted when they asked for like 2 months

Along with the ED it also helped with sori's issues with control!!!

Oh related to the harbor seal comment: When Yujin saved sori from the bullies(name and lore change is an eventuality, those names are stand ins) she had a concussion and could see his eyes she was just like "kitty!!!"

Raine has seen multiple kids die from sicknesses so she gets very anxious when one of the others get sick

she usually can't sleep and just sits by their bed just to know they're still breathing

Yujin has a BIG sweet tooth

but he CANNOT handle sour stuff

whenever raffi has some sour candy he begs for some and raffi always warns him, yet yujin eats it anyways. everytime

When they have campfires together people switch out to sit with yujin because he's afraid of fire

Paru has picked up on some portugese from raine's flashbacks

she cant converse in the language though because its only stuff like "die" "died" "dead" "parents" "theyre dead" "im gonna die" "help (me)" "theyre gonna kill me"

Sori gets mobility aids when she's 11

Yujin likes outer space

he probably has a space blanket and telescope

Sori has a weighted blanket!

She puts it around herself when shes scared or upset about something that makes touch feel gross at the moment

Sori loves plushies and probably has the most cat plushies out of any animal or anything

She kept an orange cat plushie the broadcaster got when she was in the radio station with him

when raffi has flashbacks or freaks out really bad in a way that isnt a sensory meltdown, sori hides under a blanket or leaves the room so she wont freak him out more

one time she didnt, either it took her too long to realize what was happening or the first time it happened and he screamed as soon as he saw her

Raffi's worst sensory expirence is usually bright lights while Sori's is loud noises

Raine sometimes sings sori to sleep

When sori is cuddling with someone, espicially raine and paru but this also applies to yujin, it is SO hard for them to move bc they'll make a sleepy grumbly noise and also theyre baby, this is even worse during bad pain days

Raine eventually just started to carry sori around.

one time paru and raine had to have a serious conversation(about one of sori's traumas that paru just found out about and raine knew for a while) but sori was laying on paru's thigh so she just covered his ears

Yujin had a tough time transitioning to having his own room bc fears about being alone so he slowly adjusted by sleeping in sori's room a lot and slowly started to sleep in his more

Paru thinks that curly-afrotextured hair is fun to style to she likes to mess around with raine's

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

This is mostly just a vent but. Im so deep in burnout i cant go to work. i wake up and get ready and dressed and then i freak out and have a meltdown bc its overwhelming and i end up thinking of everything im fucking up by calling in to the point my boss tried to call me to talk and i just never responded bc i dont know what to do. im looking for a new job but idek if thats gonna help. my bf and i just got our first apartment and im able to make rent rn with literally no money left after and i feel so guilty bc it's causing him so much stress too. i have a therapy appt set but im so scared to ask for the help i need bc idk how to tell a professional i think im autistic and have adhd without sounding like im begging for meds. and to top it all off i just got home from my parents and my cat that i left (for my little brother) has a hematoma that parents could probably afford vet care for if they really tried but they wont and i cant even think about paying for that rn. im so scared shes gonna die. shes 8-9 and has been getting matts lately and shes already practically blind and im so scared. i skipped school for almost 2 weeks when my last cat died idk wtf im gonna do.

Hi there,

I’m so sorry about your kitty. I lost my childhood cat last year. Her name was Alice. I called her Allie for short. Here she is:

As for the apartment issue, I can’t really help with because I’ve never lived with my significant other (but I’m hoping to in the future).

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Maybe my followers can give some advice or tips on this.

Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

[icarus-showmethemoon]

its 4am and the fire alarm in my building went off and i couldnt get all my cats to cooperate and wasnt about to leave them behind so i got really really fucking scared and it turned out to be a false alarm, like 4 firetrucks pulled up outside but they turned the alarm off after they came in and then the left pretty quick but like. it made me realize im drastically under prepared for an emergency here, i dont have a big enough kennel for my cats and i dont know where the evac point is for my building and i couldnt get one of my cats out from under the bed bc i freaked her out and holy fuck i wouldve died if it was a real fire bc i didn't even realize it was the alarm until the fire trucks pulled up. in my defense this building has a weird ass alarm system that makes a different sound than most others do but. thats worse.

tldr i havent been this scared in a while and i need a hug. i dont know how im gonna get back to sleep and i have work tomorrow.

[oexen]

cw hoarding + mentions of animal and child neglect

is it really gonna take me telling my mother its extremely concerning to have PILES of cat waste just. around. in the house

like i know shes going to flip the fuck out at me in some way or another, be very angry or sad or hurt or some secret other option and like. she misgenders and deadnames me as if i never shared the info with her, the crux of our relationship is financial and thats even pretty minimal. like yeah maybe its sincerely not my problem and i KNOW you cant help someone who doesnt want to be helped, but i dont want to inherit a cat piss soaked infested brick.... thing. no fucking way dude. that shit realistically probably has to be gutted ngl, its fucking awful. shes a hoarder and never really touched my old bedroom so i have some stuff there, stuff id actually like to take even, but the smell is literally pervasive to the point that books smell like it on the fucking inside.

like shes actually at the point her neckbeard nest doesnt register as a problem to her. even with... another person who is not me having to actually go inside of the house??? i like cannot fathom whats going on inside that god forsaken head of hers, she asked me why i was wearing a mask inside and turned around and walked away before i could even say anything, lmfao.

i couldnt spend more than one night in her house and had a mask on the whole time because it fucking blew so hard to be in there. this fucking idiot got 3 huge WORKING dogs (pyrenees and a burmese mtn dog) because its "in her life plan" (news to me lmao!) and tldr she impulse bought them because theyre cute. shes never fucking home, works 9-5 and theyre crated a lot of the time and its fucking horrible to see, i freaked the absolute fuck out on her when i first heard that she had new puppies like what 2 years ago? fucking neglecting the elderly dogs she already had in favor of getting these for some fucking reason, "no more dogs after this one dies" turns into 3 giant stupid fucking untrained, neglected mistakes. the singular saving grace is that they have a big yard to run around in, but that doesn't do a hell of a lot of good when it's hot and this idiot refuses to walk them when shes home anyway. couldn't possibly be because theyre untrained and will drag her stupid ass down the street fr. i think im going to literallt snail mail the next door neighbor or maybe even both of them because like.... what the actual fuck is she doing with these dogs. GET HELP.

ive been telling this absolute knob for YEARS she needs to chill out and do something else (like 3 of her closest blood relatives died in the past several years, 2 of which she was literally caretaking, and she still volunteers at a fucking hospice and has NEVER SOUGHT BEREAVEMENT COUNSELING, LET ALONE COUNSELING IN GENERAL), she keeps saying shes fucking fine and we have LITERALLY had the exchange where she says it to my face and i gesture around and say CLEARLY!!!!!

Anyway. the dogs. shes going to get worse and i know it and im just so disgusted by the prospect of having to like lay it all out probably because no one else will, and i guess i care because its literally affecting me, i sat and wrote all this because im cleaning stuff i took from her house like books and SEALED ITEMS THAT ALSO SMELL LIKE CAT PISS ON THE INSIDE OF THE PACKAGING????????? and got triggered. but whatever. this woman treated me like shit and neglected me for my entire childhood and turns it around and goes WHATDIEVERDOTOYOU if i so much as refuse a hug even this far down the line, its been nearly 10 years since ive lived with her, and like. holy fuck. and she doesnt have a single fucking clue lol like idk its also just like pathetic and sad to see a person go through this, even though she gives me mmmm essentially nothing but feelings of disgust when i really think about it. its just fucked and everyones dying or doesnt care or doesnt feel like they can say anything and im like. idk. i could literally bring this up to lots of people she knows, i could find a damn way, but like yaknow..... it fucking sucks so hard to have to do all this bc this woman is literally severely mentally ill and needs a fucking hand but it sure as shit isnt going to be mine, at least not physically. god.

[growling]

Bungo stray dogs but they're actually dogs. Sigma is a Borzoi

i could see that actually however- to me, as my third pet freak (the others being francis and mushi) i also see him as one of those tormented wolfdog hybrids with several behavioral issues and a certain misery and profound emptiness in their eyes neither able to belong as a pet nor in the wild. how fucked up would a borzoi and wolf hybrid be actually i don't want to find out

some other dogs as dogs: (i don't know many dog breeds in depth im not a very dog kind of guy)

Fukuzawa is a huge, retired & traumatized former military belgian malinois that is mostly apathetic to every other dog and sometimes stares out thoughtfully into space and lets out the world's longest sigh for no reason, but he REALLY loves cats. which are however mostly apathetic to him

Atsushi is not a dog he is a tiger!! NYAR!!!!!11!!1

Kyouka is a previously abused puppy that has lost the ability to feel safe around people after the horrors but with enough time and care you can help her recover her trust and joy and discover she actually prefers your cat over you

Akutagawa wants you to love him and he will turn to destructive behaviour if he ever thinks you're abandoning him again (going to work in the morning) he has brutally mauled every single mailman they sent out to your house until they just kinda stopped coming

Kajii is some sort of greyhound. Good lord. That is all

Jouno is a shiba inu that finds great amusement in the suffering of poor people but you don't know that because dogs don't talk about their feelings. has really passionate beef with the neighbourhood dog and it took like ten entire people to pull them off of each other once

Gin is not your dog she's somebody else's dog. doesn't really care about you

Mushitaro is that 1000000 fucking dollar expensive rare breed one of those fluffy nearly shaped like a perfect orb ankle-biter yappers with nothing behind its void-black eyes that's just shivering with hatred every waking second of it's life. the high maintenance as fuck kind that's gonna start screaming and pissing and tearing the paint off your walls and fucking dying if you don't give it exclusive pure $60,000 Acqua di Cristallo Tributo a Modigliani water to drink and a cleansing bubble saltwater bath every single day. he doesn't actually need those but he is trying to convince them that he does and it's working because the kind of owner who would get this kind of weird fucking dog is either one or the other A) utterly fucking spineless and lets the hellhound do whatever with zero training because it's small and thus its anger is meaningless and utterly harmless or B) has a blast treating it like shit and continuously annoying it on purpose because it's small and thus its anger is meaningless and incredibly hilarious so they can make tic tac videos of them saying their dog is a demon while its having it's third panic attack of the day in the corner. i got off track. anyway they had to stop taking him out on a leash whenever they wanted to get on a plane and carry him around in one of those dog backpacks because the airport falcons were constantly mistaking him for some sort of rodent

Ranpo is a border collie

Kunikida is a well-trained border collie

Lovecraft is a bedlington terrier because they look fucking terrifying I don't know if and how that's a living breathing creature we created do not fucking google it jesus christ

Kyuusaku is a pug because they're constantly in pain from just being alive

Fyodor is a very big rat that barks but occassionally says something very ominous in fluent russian when nobody is around. he can also read. he's like remy ratatouille but fucked up and evil

Chuuya would fit as a human that is just utterly in love with every single one of the above listed as he's (semi)canonically a crazy dog person. However if not, he could be an afghan hound with his luscious fucking locks

other dog enjoyers feel free to add on

[cloudy-zephyr]

Bakugou x Shinsou + dadzawa

No cws, just fluff!! Some scenes of "oh god aizawa can't know" (but he does hehe)

Dad- aizawa

Papa- hizashi

- in hitoshi's dorm-

"Shut up, fucker. You're way too loud," Bakugou snorts in the dark room, a room he wasn't even *supposed* to be in so if his boyfriend wants him to *stay* then he better shut the fuck-

"But Kats,,, im cold as fuck and you won't get closer," said boyfriend pouts and attempts to scooch over on the bed.

"No, it's too hot just lay down oh my god," he rolls his eyes, "you're gonna get us caught and in trouble."

"No im not! If you cuddled with me we wouldn't even be here and-!" His ramble is cut off by a knock on the door. Shit.

"Hitoshi?? You okay?" It's aizawas voice.

Aizawa is Hitoshis dad and doesn't know he and bakugou are together,, much less *together* past curfew.

"Yeah!! Just talking to myself about this uh show I have on!!" Hitoshi lies, hoping its enough to get his adoptive father to leave him alone.

"Okay, goodnight toshi"

"Yeah, goodnight,"

"Holy fuck, he's so stupid," bakugou scoffs but finally relents and holds Hitoshi close.

-at the aizawa-yamada residence-

"Hey, dad and papa?" Hitoshi stood in the kitchen one Saturday morning.

His dad hummed and glanced in his direction, prompting him to continue.

"Is it okay if Ka- ahem,, uh Bakugou comes over?" *great job, stupid you almost just told them.*

"Sure. Just don't be too much noise, we have to work from home and do paperwork and grade," papa says as he eats his toast.

"Thanks!" Hitoshi runs off to his room to text his boyfriend.

🐱💥 cat-suki

Mind freak 💤: you can come over :)

🐱💥: ok

💤: okaayyy??? Hurry tf up >:(

🐱💥: don't tell me what to fuckin do!

💤: oh stop whining

🐱💥: open your front door before I turn around and go home

💤: bitch you better not 😦😦😦

🐱💥: whore.

💤: damn. Omw

Hitoshi laughs and goes to open the door and let his boyfriend in, making sure his parents aren't in the room and give him a quick kiss.

"Cmon, got a new game the other day."

The couple heads up to Hitoshis room, Aizawa and Hizashi sharing a look after seeing their sons smile and his *friends* soft look.

- at school, specifically aizawas class-

The class is loud, per usual, but something has Kaminari especially wound up.

"Kaminari, would you like to share with the class or be quiet so I can continue the lesson?" Aizawa stood at the front of the room, looking incredibly bored and slightly irritated that Kaminari won't stop passing notes to his friends and giggling.

"I know a secret sir and it's eating away at me!" Kaminari yells, then slaps a hand over his mouth and looks over at bakugou.

If looks could kill, then fly high kaminari because Bakugou just killed him.

"Hmm, and is that secret more important than your education?"

Kaminari is practically vibrating in his seat, and opens his mouth, "Hitoshi is dating a loud blonde!" He yells, and immediately puts his head down.

Hitoshi looks mortified, and Bakugou is about to go in for the kill.

Aizawa just laughs, and everyone goes dead silent.

"Kaminari, you said you had a secret. A secret is something no one knows, and I think everyone knew my son and Bakugou are together. Now you can join me for lunch detention for yelling and disrupting the class. I suggest next time you blurt out someone's secret, tell me something I don't know."

Hitoshi is pretty sure he died of mortification, and bakugou even looks a little sheepish.

AAAHH i love shinbaku so much please 🤲 accept this offering shinbaku nation

[devotedtosadpoetry]

Geez I think might be my first ask, not gonna become an anon cause I want you to know who asked this question, and also theory cause yis also just so you know how messed up or calculating my head is.

Okay, question first littered with a few tiny questions: Did we know how exactly Bishop knew about the turtles/ Leo? Like the invasion or something like that cause im not entirely sure if we know it (or we do and I'm just stupid and I wasted your time) like Also how did you come up with this idea (im pretty sure you answered this, again im sorry, bad memory) also im so happy your in the comp! I wish you luck, and I hope you win!

Now onto the theory I guess, so I think I know what's going to happen in the following days, like leo is gonna die in like 4-5 days if he don't get that drug, also it would be foolish of bishop to not put a tracker on Leo, so I assume he has a tracker, any even if he doesn't or donnie deactivates it, leo is a feral beast at this point (poor child) with some things being permanent (probably his eyes and his DAMN POOR SPINE) so I think what's going to happen is one of two things, one: leo is gonna freak out (already happening) and trying to run back to his "mother" (I hate saying that) or two: bishop is gonna make a deal, cause the turtles don't know that they have been feeding leo DAMN DEATH DRUG! Like I said before, it's only a matter of time before leo dies, which is HOLY MOLY BAD! I also wonder if one of the other turtles is gonna get captured, you said in another ask that's its gonna be comfort, THEN DEAR GOD THE ANGST, then back to some comfort, in e9rried about the chapters that follow now.

TL;DR leo is gonna try and escape, or bishop is gonna make a deal, or the other turtles are gonna get captured by damn bishop.

Sorry for the long ask, have a cat for powering through it!

hi leon!! thank you for le ask don’t feel bad that’s it’s long, long asks or long comments always make me v happy so thank you for the serotonin and the cat <3

How Bishop met the turtles is a VERY GOOD QUESTION to ask, one you definitely should be asking, especially because it hasn’t been revealed. your answer shall come soon enough.

i came up with the idea one day when i was doing a one week job that required me to be away from home, so it almost felt like a writing get away. i was in a really sadistic mood and couldn’t write any of my current works so i just decided to let it all out, and since i didn’t want to torture any of my characters i picked on leo. the surgery scenes came first, and then suddenly i got ideas for what is happening with the brothers and then it expanded into the big drama we have going on now.

i’m happy i’m in the comp as well. i do not expect to win lol but my goal is to at least make it past the prelims and i’ll be satisfied 👍 and if that doesn’t happen i’ll put all my rage back onto leo again

your theories are valid, they certainly make sense, and as for my response, you get this emoji: 🤐

thanks for the ask leon 😚