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kookslastbutton · 6 months

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what love feels like ༓ myg (m)

✑ Summary: Being a mother to a beautiful baby girl and wife to an adoring husband is the most rewarding feeling in the world. But you also work a full-time job, are overtired most of the time, stressed, don't have any alone time, look very different than eight years ago, and sex? Well, that hasn’t happened in weeks. The gravity of the situation weighs on you until one day, all of your deepest insecurities rear their ugly head–that your husband might not love you as much anymore and someone could take him away from you.

Pairing: husband!yoongi x reader

AU/genre: angst, fluff, smut, marriage au

Rating: M, 18+

Word Count: 6.7k+

Warnings: swearing, both Yoongi and oc are in their 30s, mom and full-time worker!oc, reserved!dad!yoongi, lack of intimacy, mentions of body insecurities post-pregnancy, mentions of fear of abandonment, mentions of jealousy. irrational worries, built-up stress, light fighting, silent treatment, stubbornness, lots of reassurance, nightmares, cute backstory of how they met, a lot of ily, Yoongi and oc being good parents 🥹, Yoongi calls oc doll, and explicit sexual content

sexual warnings: swearing, kissing, neck kisses, pleading, banter, dirty talk, doll petname, asking for consent, b**b squeezing & sucking, hair threading, penetration, f*ngering, big d*ck!yoongi, growling, missi*nary, eye contact, tearing up, c*ming together

Now Playing: Breathing by Anne Marie

a/n: Okay this was for Yoon's bday. Based on the poll, husband!Yoon won. Was intended to be a Drabble but well...heh 😅 Anyway, I had a lot of fun writing this fic and Yoon is just such a good hubby for responding well to these very relatable insecurities. (Low-key love this couple...) I'm sorry for any typos or warnings i missed! I checked and double checked but a few might have slipped. Enjoy! Anyway please enjoy! 🥰

“So, you're Jia's father, huh? I don’t think I've seen you here before, and I’m sure I would have recognized you.”

With his back straight and arms folded, Yoongi gives the woman in front of him a quick once-over. Mid-40s, freshly single, and definitely in need of some companionship. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out; she’s been talking his ear off for the past twenty minutes like he’s some kind of remedy to all her problems.

Honestly, he just swung by to pick up his four-year-old from daycare after another grueling day at work. But the moment he walked in, it was as if all the single moms latched onto him like a flock of hungry geese. This one’s name is Sandra in particular.

It reminds him of his college basketball days, how the cheerleaders all too eagerly swarmed around him after sinking the winning shot at the championship game. Shame he was too busy eyeing the girl in the stands to care, her face buried behind a book twice as big as her head. Who reads an 800-page novel during the playoffs anyway?

Fate, as one may call it, intervened about a week later when his best friend became said girl’s lab partner. Yoongi didn’t make any sudden moves at first, but well, he did make her his wife three years later.

“It’s just so nice to finally meet the father of such a sweet child. Especially considering how many dads tend to take a backseat in their child's early years.” Is she still going on? Yoongi does his best to stay present, though it’s proving unsuccessful. “And Jia truly is an angel! It’s clear you’re doing a wonderful job raising her, even with a full-time job and all.”

Yoongi’s eyebrows knit together at the somewhat odd choice of words. “Thanks,” he drawls out, noticing her pupils dilating with every breath. “Most of the credit goes to my wife though. She’s a great mom to Jia.”

“Jia’s m-mom?” Sandra stutters, her mouth slightly agape. Yoongi senses the gears turning in her head as she struggles to process the unexpected presence of his wife. Tempting as it is, he holds down a smirk. Of course, he’s a happily married man–for nearly eight years now.

“Yeah,” he replies simply. “She’s usually the one to pick up our daughter from daycare, but she’s been working a lot of overtime lately. I thought I'd come instead so she can get some rest."

“Oh, well that’s very–“

“Daddy! Daddy, you’re here!” The sound of a familiar high-pitched voice, along with a light pattering of feet, diverts both adult’s attention.

“Hey kid.” Yoongi effortlessly lifts the small child once in front of him, securing her in his arms. “Have fun today?”

Jia gives an enthusiastic nod, bright red ribbons in her hair bouncing cutely as she does. Proudly, she shows him the drawing she made.

“See? It’s me, you, and mommy!” She makes sure to point to each part of the picture with her pointer finger.

Yoongi gently takes the artwork from his daughter’s hand and lets out a soft chuckle. “Now this is what I call a masterpiece! Mommy’s gonna love hanging this one on the fridge. How about I hold onto this and you go grab your backpack, okay?”

As soon as Jia’s feet touch the carpeted floor again, she races off to her cubby in the far corner of the room. Yoongi shoots Sandra a final glance before slowly following behind. “We got to get going, but nice meeting you.”

“You…too.” Sandra’s response is more than disappointed as she watches the father-daughter duo make their way out of the building. Evidently, Min Yoongi isn’t the single dad she originally assumed. Funny, she swore there wasn’t a wedding band in sight. Maybe she missed it.

“No, I’m sorry but I’m certain we haven’t used any of your services in the last six months. My husband canceled it in late October.”

With one hand, you grip your cell phone up to an ear while the other pops open the dishwasher. You’ve been on the phone with the cable company for half an hour, trying to make sense of an unexpected charge that appeared on your bank account this morning. You consider yourself more patient than most, yet after working all day, a pile of laundry waiting to be washed, and dinner threatening to burn on the stove, the last thing you have time for is arguing with your old service provider.

“I understand, ma’am, and I apologize for any confusion. I’m taking a look at my records and they’re all showing me that—oh wait a second.”

The young man on the opposite end of the line interrupts his own thought, piquing your concern in the process.

“What did you say your last name is?”

You answer and in an instant, you’re met with a thousand rushed apologies; something about getting the account names mixed up in their system. It’s difficult to decipher everything you hear with the front door being thrust open that very moment.

“Mommy, where are you? We’re home!” Your daughter not so subtly announces her presence from the foyer. She kicks off her shoes, hangs her backpack on the designated wall hook, and then rushes to the kitchen upon catching a brief glimpse of your shirt.

“It’s alright, these mistakes happen.” You hang up the call and turn around to find Jia only steps away, a big goofy grin on her face. Infectious, you break out into a smile yourself and swoop her up.

“Hey honey, I missed you so much!” You kiss the side of your daughter’s head as she wraps her small arms around your neck. “You look so pretty with all these ribbons in your hair! Daddy did a good job, didn’t he?”

Being that you were called into work earlier than usual this morning, Yoongi was the one who got Jia dressed and ready for daycare. You’re delightfully surprised by the results.

“Mmhm,” Jia nods, twirling a couple of strands of hair between her thumb and forefinger. “But Daddy pulls too much!”

“Maybe if someone had listened and stopped fussing when I told her, I wouldn’t have accidentally yanked on her hair when I was reaching for her favorite Hello Kitty scrunchie.” Yoongi joins you both in the kitchen, walking over to press a quick peck on your lips while tenderly caressing the small of your back. The gesture soothes you of your earlier frustrations. “Who was that on the phone? Cable company?”

“Yeah, they canceled the charge. Wrong account.” As you reiterate the entire mix-up, your eyes wander all over your husband. He’s especially handsome tonight, given his perfectly tousled black hair and navy blue blazer flowing over his body. It’s tastefully oversized with a clean, white top paired underneath. You, on the other hand, are sporting a raggedy old t-shirt and stained sweatpants.

There was a time when you used to put a shit ton more effort into your appearance. It was before you got pregnant with Jia, back when you and Yoongi were going out on weekly dates. Neither of you has that kind of time anymore, or energy for that matter. You didn’t believe the other moms when they told you the romance takes a nose dive after you have your first kid. Yet here you are, proven wrong again.

Being parents to a beautiful baby girl is likely the most rewarding feeling in the world for you and Yoongi. You don’t remember the last time the two of you got real quality alone time though. And sex? Well, that hasn’t happened in weeks. The gravity of the situation weighs more on you with each passing day to be honest. Sure, you’re not the same person you used to be eight years ago, but shouldn’t you and Yoongi still make time for at least a little intimacy?

“How was picking up Jia by the way?” You look at Yoongi who merely shrugs nonchalantly in response.

“It was fine. Nothing too out of the ordinary,” Yoong gives you another peck before heading up the stairs to your bedroom. “I’m gonna go get changed. Why don’t you show Mommy the drawing you did Jia?”

“A drawing?” You shift your attention to your daughter whose eyes sparkle like diamonds upon mention. “We should put it up on the fridge then. Let’s take a look hmm?”

“It’s in my backpack! My new friend and I were drawing together. Her name is Mi-Sun.” Jia continues telling you all about her friend Mi-Sun as you make your way to the front door where her backpack hangs. You’re fully engaged until the very end. “Daddy made a new friend too!” she joyously claps her hands together, not realizing the depth of her remark.

“Oh, who’s Daddy’s new friend honey?” You ask, staying as calm as possible.

“Ms. Cho! They were talking for a really long time today.”

Ms. Cho? You think back to all the moms you’ve met at daycare. Somehow you can’t recall ever hearing or meeting a Ms. Cho. She must be a single mom, you deduce. Was she new? What did she look like? And why didn’t Yoongi mention her when you asked?

This has to be nothing but a little small talk, an acquaintance at most. Besides, the moms at Jia’s daycare are quite a chatty bunch and Yoongi wouldn’t dare overstep any boundaries.

“Do you know what they were talking about?” You don’t enjoy asking your child for details about your husband, yet you can’t seem to help it this time.

“I dunno,” she shrugs her shoulders. "Daddy was laughing a lot."

Suddenly, the self-assurance you gave yourself earlier slips away; seemingly useless given the queasy feeling building in the pit of your stomach.

For the remainder of the night, you purposely dodge every attempt your husband makes to kiss, touch, and hold you. You’ve even begun responding to his questions in one-word answers and at times, with nothing at all.

Yes, you’re being petty; more than usual. The silent treatment frustrates Yoongi to no end and it isn’t very mature of you, but neither is refusing to tell your wife that some single mom was flirting with you in front of your kid! Okay, so maybe that's an exaggeration. Maybe it all sums up to a harmless conversation, but it’s not like you know either way with Yoongi being as reserved as he is. It brings you back to your early dating days when he wouldn’t think to tell you about various aspects of his day; who he ate breakfast with that morning or the one classmate of his that wouldn’t leave him alone for two semesters.

Truth be told, you're simply hoping that your husband will bring up the topic first, without having to be the classic nagging wife. You’re a jealous person by nature so it’s not a simple task. Even now as you fold the first batch of laundry on your shared bed, him on the other side doing the same, you struggle to keep from blurting everything out.

“So,” Yoongi fluffs up a clean pillowcase before sliding it onto one of the bed pillows. “How was work?”

What a basic question, you grumble internally. Is that all he’s got? “Was okay,” you reply. “The usual.”

“You must be tired from the day. Did you get to lie down at all?” Yoongi picks up another pillowcase, repeating the process as before. When he glances your way, it’s clear something’s on your mind. You’ve started pairing Jia’s socks far more aggressively than normal and you’re holding back your responses. “Did you hear me, doll? Or am I going deaf here?” The sarcastic chuckle distracts you from your task, forcing your attention.

You’re about to respond when your eyes briefly flicker down to his hands, his left one in particular. Where's his wedding ring? Yoongi always wears it no matter what. The same sick feeling from before returns tenfold. No wonder that Ms. Cho was all over him–she must have thought he was single.

“No, I didn’t get to lie down Yoongi. I worked all day, came home and made dinner, called the cable guy to get that stupid bill figured out, and now I’m doing the second load of laundry. I’m really just not in the mood to chat.” It comes out a blur as you snatch the empty laundry basket and head for your washer and dryer, your eyes welling up with tears.

“__, wait.” Yoongi tosses the last pillow near the headboard and stops you in your tracks, his hand firmly gripping one end of the laundry basket. The intensity of his stare softens as he speaks. “I'm sorry if it seems like I'm forcing you to talk. I know you've been losing a lot of sleep recently between work, Jia, and upkeeping the house. We just don't get a lot of time to see each other anymore and I miss you…I miss talking to you."

With every ounce of self-control remaining, you hold back any tears that risk spilling out. You don't know why you're acting like this, why you're crying over something that seems so small and insignificant to the rest of the world. Yoongi loves you. He's said it a million times and proven it to you over and over again, for eight years now. He wouldn’t cheat on you, yet you still get so worked up about the idea that someone could take him away from you. Someone half your age, more attractive, or hell even the opposite sex if it means fewer dark circles under their eyes.

"Why- why aren't you wearing your ring?" Your naturally confident voice dwindles to the whisper of a mouse. It's completely out of character, nevertheless, here you are.

"I..." Your husband's voice wavers. His gaze flickers to his left hand, where his ring should be, but isn't. "Shit...I took it off in the shower this morning," he confesses, frustrated by his forgetfulness. "I was in such a rush to get Jia to daycare, and me to work, that it completely slipped my mind. I'm sorry—I fully intended to put it back on." He pauses, then perks up. "It's still in the bathroom. I'll be right back, okay?"

You watch as he makes a beeline for the master bathroom, eager to rectify the situation as soon as possible. You should have kept silent what you say next, but you don't.

"No wonder the moms at Jia's daycare were so drawn to you."

"What?" Yoongi stops in his tracks. The dumbfounded expression on his face tells you that you've caught him off guard again.

"Jia told me about someone named Ms. Cho," you reluctantly continue. "The two of you were laughing and talking and–"

"Baby, don't worry about that." Seizing his chance, your husband walks back over to you and sneakily pulls the laundry basket from under your arm. He sets it on the ground after, then reaches to take your hand in his, but stubbornly you cross your arms.

"Her name's Sandra," he starts explaining. "She's a new mom at the daycare and she didn't know anyone, so she started talking to me. I got the sense she was a little overly friendly but it was all small talk, nothing more."

Still largely unsatisfied, you remain unmoved. "If it wasn't a big deal then why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"Because nothing serious happened. The majority of the conversation was her venting about her ex-husband and me wishing you were right there next to me. Please believe me. All I could think about was finally being able to come home to you after a long week with Jia in our arms."

"Really?" Well, now you're feeling guilty for avoiding him in nearly every way tonight. Guilty for believing such wild assumptions that he'd leave you for someone else over one measly conversation. Guilty for letting yourself get so worked up over a situation you, quite frankly, knew few details about.

"I mean it doll." This time, when he reaches out to grasp your wrist, he succeeds. He intertwines his fingers with yours and leads you to the edge of your bed, gently pulling you down to sit on his lap. "Do you really think I could look at anyone else the way I look at you? Or think about you the way I have for the last eight-plus years we've been married and known each other?"

You hesitate your answer, averting his eye contact. "I know but…"

"No, don't finish that. Look at me," he intercepts. "You and our daughter are the only women on my mind–24/7. I can't get either of you out of my head and I don't want to. I'm so sorry I forgot to put my wedding band back on this morning, and again tonight. I feel awful about it and I'll be more careful from now on. And another thing, when Sandra and I were talking I mentioned you multiple times. So, it's clear to her that I'm a happily married man."

The last bit of information manages to perk your ears. "You talked about me?" Your eyes widen as you finally shift your full attention to him. Yoongi eyes widen with you, amused by your sudden change of heart to look at him.

"I said my wife is an amazing mother, works too hard for her own good, and needed to rest today. Give or take a few words."

That's all? You huff to yourself. Would it been nice if your husband also thrown in that you were beautiful or stunning in that mix of compliments? Yes, yes it would have–again, you're pettiness clouds your better judgment. You're not as pissed off as before, but rather semi-irritated.

"Okay…well I guess it's fine then. I'm sorry for being short with you earlier. I shouldn't have made those rash conclusions about the ring and that woman from the daycare. It wasn't reasonable of me." You get up from his lap, yet Yoongi isn't entirely convinced that you're okay.

"There's still something you're not telling me. I can tell."

"No, there's nothing else." You waive him off, placing your hand on your bedroom doorknob "You told her you had a wife so it's fine. I need to switch the second load of laundry.”

"Come on, doll. Let's not leave things unsaid now."

Sighing at his plead, you find yourself giving into all your repressed thoughts and emotions. It swallows you up, like a tidal wave you can't stop. "Look at me Yoon. I'm sweaty, I have dark circles under my eyes, stretch marks, love handles, my hair's a mess, and all I wear are old sweats covered in stains. I'm nothing like I used to be! No wonder we aren't intimate anymore."

Yoongi rises from the bed at once, offended by the sudden digression. "Is that what this is all about? It’s not even about that single mom from daycare is it?" The truth of the matter sinks in as he speaks.

"I guess maybe so…though I'm still annoyed about that too." Great, you're back to square one again.

"Come with me, I need to show you something." Your husband gestures you to follow him, which you slowly concede to.

"What are you doing Yoon?" You both walk into the master bathroom, stopping in front of the large mirror above the sink.

"I'm showing you the woman I'm in love with and have been in love with for nearly eight years now. Sweats and all." Yoongi makes you face the mirror directly, hands around your shoulders. You have trouble stomaching the sight.

"Yoongi please, I can't. The laundry ringing off." You avoid looking into the mirror and make a move to leave the bathroom.

"Just stay with me a minute, please?" Your husband refuses to loosen his hold on you, turning your body so you're looking eye to eye. "No, you're not the same person as you were and neither am I. We're parents to a beautiful daughter now, who we love and adore. We're also overtired 90% of the time, juggling a million things at once. But there's one thing you can count on to always stay the same–my loyalty to you. I'll always be in love with you __, no matter what age you are or however way you look. There's nothing you can do to change that, so why fight it?"

Dammit. A single tear rolls down your cheek as you take in his heart-melting speech. It's not his words alone, it's the sincerity behind them. How he's repeated similar countless times before throughout your entire relationship.

"I love you, Yoon..." you choke out the words, composure fleeting.

"I love you so much, doll." He wipes the wetness of your tear with his thumb. "As far as us not being as intimate anymore, that's my fault. I don't ever want you to feel like I don't desire you every day. Why don't we send the kid to my parents this weekend and let me start making things right hmm?"

"I don't know if we can this weekend. Jia has a playdate on Saturday."

"So, I'll ask Mom to take her. She'll be happy to, trust me. We can finally watch that movie you've been dying to show me since what? December?"

"You're serious?" Your eyes light up at the mention of what is essentially a movie date. The show Yoongi's referring to is one you've been craving to see for months, yet neither of you has found the time to watch. "I've been talking about it for so long, Yoon."

"I know you have, it's why I suggested it. I've been wanting to watch it too with all the trailers you keep sending me. Plus, I'll be able to keep my beautiful wife in my arms for over two hours. That's a lot for us, especially with you being such a busy bee. I can never get you to light in one place! What's up with that, huh?"

Feeling your natural self re-emerging, you throw a playful swat to his arm and scowl at his teasing comment. "You're one to talk! You're basically a workaholic! Besides, you knew who you were marrying when you met me."

Yoongi chuckles and brings both hands to cup your cheeks, squishing them slightly. "A cutie who reads 800-page novels at a basketball game?"

"Stop babying me!" You pull his hands off your cheeks and rub them, trying to regain some composure. "I don't regret my choices, I like books. It's why I'm such a boss at work!"

"Okay, boss," he laughs. "What about what I suggested before then? I can call Mom tomorrow and ask her if she could watch Jia for the day. She'll take her to her playdate, then they can spend the rest of the day together."

It does sound nice, having the whole day with your husband.

"Okay," you agree. "Let's try."

"Good." Yoongi slides his hands down to your hips and pulls you flush against his chest. "How about we seal it with a kiss now?" You nod and he leans his head down, pressing an amazing, tender kiss to your lips. It makes you both giddy on queue.

"Read one more story, Daddy!" Jia leaps off her small, twin bed and bounds for her bookshelf. She lets out a series of giggles when a large pair of hands catch her, lifting her high into the air.

"I already read you three books kid," Yoongi says, planting a kiss on her cheek. "Bedtime." He then tucks her into her fluffy comforter, plugs in her teddy bear nightlight, and closes her bedroom door.

The next second, Jia comes running out of her room, latching onto his right leg. "I don't wanna go to bed. I wanna play!" Figures she'd be hyper at this hour.

Yoongi sighs and picks her up. "Daddy told you to go to sleep, it's not playtime. You'll have lots of time for that tomorrow when you get to see your friend." He then carries her into her room, yet she fusses in his arms; thumping her tiny fists into his chest.

"No, no, no, Daddy. I want to play!"

Sighing, Yoongi looks at his child with sharp eyes. "Jia–"

"Hey," you interrupt, entering your daughter's bedroom upon hearing the commotion down the hall. "What's going on?"

"Kid doesn't want to go to bed."

You give an empathetic look and saunter over to the pair, gently taking Jia into your arms. Yoongi places his hands on his hips as he watches you reason with your daughter.

"Jia, you know tomorrow's a big day right? You and Sana are going to go to the playground together." The child nods. "You don't want to be tired when you're playing do you?"

"No..." She shakes her head. "I want to be awake!"

"Then you need to listen to Daddy and go to sleep. That way you'll be full of energy tomorrow when you and Sana go on the swings or slide down all the big slides." You smile as Jia starts rubbing her drowsy eyes, yawning in the process.

"But I...okay," she slowly concedes, eyes fluttering shut as she gives into her sleepy state. Unsurprising to you and Yoongi, she was tired all along. But like most kids, hated going to bed.

"See?" You lay Jia in her bed and pull the covers up near her chin, giving her a light kiss on the side of her head. Yoongi bends down and does the same after you. "You just gotta talk to her a little, she'll typically fall asleep on her own."

"But I read her three of her favorite books." Yoongi shuts off the overhead light, along with the door to Jia's room, and follows you to your bedroom.

"That's different Yoon," you argue back. "Books excite her."

"She takes after you that way then." Yoongi pulls his t-shirt off, leaving him bare-chested, and climbs onto his side of the bed. You join him shortly after with your head resting on his chest and an arm thrown around his waist.

"I'm so exhausted," you yawn.

"Go to sleep, baby. I'm right here." Your husband places a hand over your wrapped arm, sending you off into a deep slumber.

Well this is just ironic. Almost 2 A.M. and you're wide awake.

What initially started as a nice, relaxing dream quickly turned into a terrible nightmare. In the dream, you woke up alone. Yoongi was gone. Jia was gone too. You can't exactly make sense of it, except for a vague memory of Jia calling another woman 'Mom'. You couldn't see her face very well, so it could've been anyone. You couldn't speak either, so even when you tried approaching the three, they couldn't hear you. You've had nightmares plenty of times, but this one is new. It's a clear projection of all the underlying concerns upheaved from earlier; insecurities, abandonment, loss, and it has you unsettled.

You glance over to your husband's side of the bed. He's fast asleep, no longer cuddling you due to you both flip-flopping in your sleep. You decide to slide closer to him, needing to watch him for a while. It might sound weird, but you love watching him sleep. He's so handsome and you feel a great deal of comfort doing so. Maybe if he was awake, you'd tell him about what you dreamt. Then again...maybe not.

"I love you Yoon," you whisper as quietly as you can, tracing his every facial feature with your eyes.

"'m, I love you too."

Is he-was he awake? As if caught red-handed, you quickly flit your face away in favor of the blank ceiling above. You weren't expecting him to answer at all, and in such a hoarse voice too. You're a little turned on by it to be honest.

"Can't sleep?" he speaks up again, eyes still closed.

"No, I''ll be okay though. You can go back to sleep. Don't worry."

He grunts, a tad unhappy with your dismissal of him. "Do you want to talk about it? Your dream?"

You whip your head in his direction. "How–" You pause, seeing his eyes blink open.

"I didn't meet you just yesterday, doll. I know they keep you up. Just know, I'm always here okay? Always." He reaches for you with delicate fingers as he continues. "Now, come here. Seems we got separated in our sleep."

You accept the offer and cuddle into him again. This time your noses nearly touch and his arm wraps around your lower waist. You feel the growing urge to kiss him, wanting to forget your nightmare entirely. But perhaps silly, you ask permission first, seeing as he's close to drifting off again.

"Yoon?"

"Mm."

"Can we kiss?" Your cheeks flush a little at the request. Why are you acting like this? You've been married for years.

"Sure, 'm tired but I could go for a make-out right now." A small smirk graces his lips as he teases you. You give him a classic 'Yoongi!' in reply. "I'm kidding. You don't ever have to ask me that," he finishes.

"Hmm, maybe I don't want a kiss anymore." You feign stubbornness, just to see his response. And a response he gives you, more than you're prepared for.

"You're ridiculous," he grumbles, capturing your lips in one fell swoop. He moves his lips against yours as the hand on your waist grips tighter. The tiniest of moans escapes your lips.

You attempt to break the kiss first, thinking it will only last for a few seconds. Yet Yoongi slips a hand behind your neck to bring you into another kiss. One that's deeper than the last. You feel your breath being taken away little by little, especially when his tongue licks into your mouth. God, you haven't kissed like this in an eternity. A wetness soon gathers between your thighs.

"'m, Yoon," you gasp when his cool fingers sneakily make their way under your shirt, tickling your bare skin. They travel the expanse of your waist, stomach, and up along your back. "So cold."

Yoongi pulls away from the kiss and retracts his fingers. He then lazily moves his body until his chest hovers over your own, rolling you on your back in the process. He's a bit of a blur due to the dimness of the room, yet you can see the whites of his eyes a bit better than before.

"Help me warm them then," he says, folding his hands on top of yours from where they rest on your stomach. "You're really burning up, doll."

His observation is right. Ever since you woke up, you're body's been hotter than normal. The stress is clear and it's only increasing due to the unexpected turn of tonight's events; your husband seemingly wanting to make love to you in the middle of the night.

"So I am," you reply, staring straight into his eyes. "Must be because of all the sudden surprises today. My body's finally responding to it all."

Yoongi nods, following your implication. "Well let's do something to calm it down, shall we?" He waits for your final go before making any abrupt movements.

"But...you haven't seen me–"

"Naked in a while?" he predicts your next words, unfazed. "I've seen it all, each time better than the last because I love you. You're beautiful to me, no matter what. Let me love you __. I've missed you. I've missed us."

"Okay...please," you sigh, desperately needing his touch. "It's been so long since we've been this close."

Neither of you has it in you to delay another second as you dive into another fiery kiss, your hands wandering up and down each other's bodies. You love his hair the most, so you run your fingers through it repeatedly. Your husband's soft grunts remind you that it's as pleasurable for him as it is for you, and as if to counter, he latches his lips to the curve of your neck.

"Yoon," you moan, shivering at the feeling of being peppered in open-mouth kisses. Your eyes automatically roll up as well.

Yoongi nips at your jaw next, featherlike, yet deadly to you nevertheless. He doesn't allow himself to linger more than a second, though, preferring to keep you on your toes. So with careful fingers, he begins lifting the bottom of your shirt.

"Can I?"

You hum in approval and lean forward for him to remove it.

With your nipples now exposed to the brisk air, stiffening due to arousal, Yoongi brings both his hands up to caress your boobs. He's incredibly gentle, telling you how beautiful you are once again until his thumbs start circling your peaked nipples. A rush of sensation shoots up your spine as he rolls them harder, flicking them once in a while.

"Fuck," you swear.

"Feeling good?"

All you do is nod fervently in response, which Yoongi takes as his signal to lower his head to your chest. He squeezes both breasts in his hand before wrapping his mouth around a nipple, licking and sucking relentlessly. He repeats the same to the other.

"Yoongi, I need you. Please." You're core tightens, thighs struggling not to rub together, as you plead with your husband to relieve you. You are so wet and getting wetter.

"I'm here, doll, I got you. Fingers first hm?"

He pushes part of the comforter towards the foot of the bed, then gestures for you to raise your butt. Any shred of mystery of how worked up he's gotten you slip away as he pulls your underwear and pants down your legs. They both get tossed on the floor, per usual.

Bare pussy exposed, Yoongi guides your legs further apart and brings a hand down to your entrance. One of his long, slender fingers traces up your folds so smoothly that you buck your hips upon the touch. He smiles lightly at the subtle response, pleased that you're finally enjoying yourself; too often you put your needs last. His finger slowly sinks into your well-lubricated pussy, velvety walls clenching around it.

"Oh, g-god," you give a shaky moan as his finger pumps and curls in you, stimulating your g-spot. "Need you now, Yoon, so bad."

"Mm not yet, we need to stretch you out. You haven't taken me for a good three or four weeks," he smirks at your eagerness, sliding a second finger next to the first. "This pussy is drenched but not enough. I need you to come. Can you do that for me?"

Fast, quick movements follow suit as your husband works you up to an orgasm. Oh fuck, oh fuck, you chant in near whines. Your pussy is spasming around him, walls tightening with each push and pull. You know when he draws his hand out that it's covered with your come. Messy, sex is messy and both of you are too far gone to care; the pleasure sweeping over you.

Finally, in what feels like an endless tease, you have your first orgasm of the night. You feel your body relaxing into the mattress again, yet your breath remains short. Yoongi, on the other hand, groans seeing your release dripping down your thighs and onto the sheets. For a split second, there's a slight darkening in his eyes while he takes in your post-orgasmic form. The two fingers that had been inside you are sensually brought to his lips, slipping between the seam before being cleaned off.

You're taken aback by the action, though you've witnessed it before. Something about watching your husband willingly follow through with a gesture so lewd makes your head spin–you want him to fuck you right this instant. He must share the same feeling because you don't even need to sound the words due to his hands already making quick work of his pants.

"You drive me mad, you know that? Can never get a break with how sweet you taste. Your lips, your come. All of it makes me go mad." His full length comes in view, hard and tip leaking with pre-cum. You try not to let yourself stare at the thickness but hell, you must've forgotten the extent of your husband's size. You don't remember it being this big before.

"Well," you gulp. "You're not making it easy on me either, looking like this."

Yoongi climbs over to you again, settling into a straddled position, and looks deep into your eyes. "Who's fault do you think that is?"

"It's your fault." You bend your legs and wrap them around his mid-section. You can feel the tip of his cock tease at your entrance. The anticipation is beyond grueling.

"No," he says, aligning himself up to your weeping hole. "it's yours." He then thrusts his hips forward, his length sinking into you so perfectly it has you completely satisfied.

"Y-Yours," you whimper out, unable to form a steady sentence.

"Fine." He picks up his pace. "Let's just agree we both fuck each other up on a daily---ah fuck!" Yoongi growls and gives you a suspicious look when he feels your pussy suddenly clench around his length.

"I didn't do it on purpose this time! You're fucking me too good is all."

"Really? You're not just teasing me?"

Yoongi is slow to believe since you've purposefully clenched countless times before, simply out of playfulness. Tonight is different than those nights though because you're telling the truth–he's truly fucking you so good.

"What the hell," he concedes. "You feel so fucking fantastic, I don't even care." He continues his movements, thrusting into you with deep groans and labored breaths. His fingers grip the mattress harder with the veins in his neck bulging out.

Both your bodies move in sync as the familiar sound of skin slapping on skin echoes off the walls of your bedroom. You do your best to keep your moans low, not wanting to risk waking up your daughter.

"Yoon, fuck! I need to come, it's gonna-fuck-happen soon," you swear, pussy throbbing at the feeling of being so full after weeks of abstinence. You can tell you're reaching your high with the bundle of nerves in your core threatening to snap at any given moment.

Of course, you're wet too, extremely wet.

"I'm. Nearly. There." He barely sounds the words out, jaw clenching. "Just another minute, and we can finish together."

Your eyes, which haven't left his since he entered you, begin to glass over with tears. It's overwhelming; his love for you. No matter the doubts that tell you the opposite, you can't give in to their ugly lies. You'll continue to struggle, naturally, but you won't ever let them win. Yoongi's never once given up on you, and neither should you.

"I love you, Yoon...I love you with all my soul," you choke the words, falling apart all at once. "I'm sorry for today. How jealous and irrational I got."

"Don't apologize, doll. I shouldn't have let it go so far, our lack of intimacy and alone time. I promise we're going to make it all right okay?"

Giving you one last thrust, you both have your release at the same time. Yoongi helps ride your orgasm out by lazily continuing to grind into you. Yeah, you might need to shower and switch out the sheets after tonight, but you don't regret it one bit.

"In all seriousness baby," Yoongi speaks up, guiding your legs back on the soft mattress until you’re comfortable. "Don't feel like you have to apologize for everything. I understand your feelings and where you were coming from. I will say, the silent treatment kills me though. I'd rather you yell at me than not talk to me at all."

"It's not easy for me to raise my voice like that, Yoon." You throw your arms around his neck and sigh softly. "But I can try talking to you more, or at least tell you I need some time to process before I'm ready to have a conversation. I don't know, am I making sense?"

"Plenty of sense. I'll share more about my day with you and who I'm talking to as well. We'll also carve out time to have together. I love our daughter, but I don't see the harm in reaching out to our friends and family to babysit once in a while."

"Well, this sounds good to me," you hum.

"Me too." Yoongi smiles wide and goes in for another warm kiss. Your eyes flutter shut in unison.

This is what love feels like.

a/n: LMK what you think 🥰

Masterlist | Requests: closed | Taglist | Fic Recs

no reposting, copying, or translating my work– © kookslastbutton

#yoongi smut #yoongi fluff #yoongi angst #yoongi x reader #yoongi fanfic #bts imagine #bts smut #bts fluff #bts x reader #bts fanfic #bts scenarios #bts au #fic:whatlovefeelslike #kookslastbutton

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libraryofgage · 11 months

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Good Vibrations Two

This AU got a lot more attention than I expected actually hfjdks I'm so glad everyone likes it!

Anyway, here's part two! We get some concert, some peeks at how Robin helps Steve navigate social situations, and a little Eddie having an itsy-bitsy crisis over Steve's fashion choices.

Have fun! And, as always, if you see any typos, no you didn't (especially for this one since I wrote most of it on my phone actually lmao)

----

Steve stares at the shirts laid out on his bed, arms crossed over his chest. Choosing jeans had been easy, but choosing a shirt is giving him trouble. What do you wear to a metal show at the local dive bar for a small-town band in which the lead singer is a long-time and way-out-of-your-league crush that you've been holding a candle for since the first time you saw him laugh on top of a cafeteria table?

You definitely don't show up in a plain black shirt, that's for sure.

The lights in the hall outside Steve's room flicker, switching off and on three times. Steve just barely notices, which means he doesn't get his pants scared off when Robin appears in the doorway, grinning at him while pocketing the key to the front door he'd given her months ago into a messenger bag. "Hey, dingus," she says, striding into the room and flopping onto the bed.

Steve rolls his eyes, yanking the shirts out from under her and laying them once more over Robin's stomach and legs. "What shirt should I wear?" he asks.

It takes a few seconds for Steve to look from the shirts to Robin, and she patiently waits until he's staring at her to say, "Just pick one. Nobody's gonna care what you're wearing."

"I care," Steve says, frowning as he looks back at the shirts. For the aforementioned crush reason, Steve cares very much about the shirt he wears. "What says 'Hi, we've never talked before but your music is the only thing I can hear and I think your hair is in desperate need of quality shampoo and also I've been halfway in love with you since, like, sophomore year'?"

Robin considers the question for a long moment before picking up a red sweater. "This one says 'I'm horny'," she offers.

Steve blinks, staring at the sweater for a few beats before laughing. "But I'm not," he says.

Despite looking at Robin, she happens to angle her head toward the sweater, and her response is lost on Steve. He frowns, waits until her jaw has stopped moving, and says, "I didn't get that."

After Robin first learned about Steve's deafness, he'd been overly anxious about asking her to repeat things. Somehow, it was worse to constantly ask when the person knew he couldn't hear well, if at all. But Robin had never shown annoyance; she'd just adjust her posture, make sure Steve could see her lips, and repeat her words. She does all of this now, and Steve gets to read her joking response, "Yeah, but you will be."

And, yeah, she has him there. Steve huffs and collapses onto the bed beside her, sacrificing the shirts. "I'll need a jacket," he says, turning his head to look at Robin so he can read her response.

Instead of words, though, he sees her face light up, and she jumps off the bed. Steve sits up, watching as she digs in her messenger bag before pulling out a t-shirt. "Remember when I stayed over a few weeks ago? And you let me borrow a shirt? You should wear it!"

Thankfully, Robin waits until she's done talking to throw the shirt in Steve's face. Honestly, he only understood a few words ("remember," "borrow," and "wear") but he's gathered enough context clues to get the gist of things.

He spreads the shirt out, humming at the Iron Maiden design. It's not one he wears often; for the most part, it's a shirt he wears on lazy days at home because of how soft it is. But as he's studying the design, Steve is suddenly hit with a stroke of pure genius.

He quickly changes into the shirt and then grabs a varsity jacket (not his letterman, but one he'd seen at the mall and bought on a whim because it used a nice shade of yellow) off his desk, tugging it on over the shirt but leaving it unbuttoned. After a few more seconds of digging around, he finds sneakers under the bed and tugs them on.

"Okay," he says, turning so Robin can see the outfit from every angle. He comes to a stop when he's facing her once more, hands buried in his jacket pockets, and asks, "What do you think? How's it look?"

"I think you'll give Eddie a crisis," Robin replies, wrinkling her nose at the varsity jacket. "Not, like, a bad one. But he'll probably ask where you got the shirt from."

Steve grins, thinking that sounds about perfect, and turns to study himself in the mirror. It's a surprisingly solid blend of metal and jock, and it makes him feel oddly confident, the same way he felt the first time he did his hair just right and everyone complimented it.

"Perfect," he decides. "Let's go."

----

The ride to the Hideout isn't exactly quiet, but it's not like Steve can talk and drive at the same time. So it's filled with music blasted as high as it can go on his car stereo, causing the whole vehicle to vibrate with each beat. When he finally turns the car off after parking, Robin grimaces as she rubs her ears.

She waits for Steve to be in front of her before saying, "We're putting the windows down next time."

"Oh. Sorry," Steve says, rubbing the back of his neck a little awkwardly as Robin dismissively waves off his apology.

"No, it's fine, I'm just saying. Now, let's get inside before they start."

With that, she loops her arm through Steve's and drags him into the Hideout. They're hit with a wave of cigarette smoke, spilled beer, and sweat as they walk through the door, the combined smells making Steve dizzy. He frowns, leaning closer to Robin as she squeezes his arm. He feels her thumb tap him twice, their code for asking if the other is okay.

"I'm fine," he mumbles, nodding to a table in the corner. "Let's go sit. I just need to get used to...everything."

The lights are weird, too. Despite the place being dim, the few lights that are on are flickering, and Steve is having trouble processing all the new information his (working) senses are taking in.

Thankfully, Robin pulls him over to the table he pointed to, a small circle near a stage of dubious sturdiness. It looks like it can barely hold the instruments, much less those plus the people who will play them. There's an amp on the side of the stage near the table, which means they'll have the perfect spot to feel the music's vibrations. Steve slides into one of the chairs there and closes his eyes, resting his arms on a table that is surprisingly not sticky.

He feels Robin move the other chair next to him, slide in, and start pulling things out of her bag. When Steve opens his eyes again, there's a notebook between them and a variety of pens in all different colors spread out across the open pages. Robin has already picked up a red pen and is writing with it as Steve chooses a purple one.

When Robin is done writing, she taps the page so Steve can read, "Want something to drink?"

"I'm not sure we can trust the glasses here," he writes back.

"The fact you're calling them "glasses" tells me everything. Just sit tight."

With that, Robin drops her pen, winks at Steve, and heads over to the bar where a woman is wiping the counter. Steve watches her for a few seconds before looking around at the other people in the place. Most of them are sitting in groups, talking amongst themselves. Most of them also have mustaches or beards, making it downright impossible for Steve to read their lips.

Instead, Steve just gets a dull kind of rush in his ears, an ever-present background noise he can't escape. Soon enough, maybe because he's thinking about it too much, a high-pitched ringing starts up in his right ear, growing and growing in pitch until it's all he can focus on. Steve grimaces and looks down at the notebook, trying to keep his shoulders relaxed so he doesn't look as tense as he feels. The ringing persists, and he rubs his ear like that's going to help.

His ear is still ringing, though it has started to diminish, when a water bottle is placed in front of him. Steve jerks, forcing himself to calm down as Robin slides into her seat again with a mug of beer that's more foam than anything else. "They're about to start," she says, waiting until Steve has nodded once to show understanding before taking a sip.

Steve looks up at the stage and wonders how he missed Eddie and his friends arriving. As his friends are setting up behind him, Eddie is resting one hand on the neck of his guitar and using the other to hold the mic close to his mouth. Steve can't read his lips, but Eddie's grin is a little contagious as he says something to a guy by the bar. The guy must say something back, because Eddie bursts out laughing, his head thrown back to show off a neck Steve wants to bite.

A tap on his arm brings his attention away, and he looks at the notebook to see Robin has scrawled out a transcript:

"Eddie: Thanks for coming out tonight, everyone

Guy: Fuck off, Munson

Eddie: Love you, too, Jeremy"

Steve snorts, looking up to see Robin's equally amused smile as she continues to write on another page. When he glances at the stage, Steve sees Eddie still talking into the mic, his eyes roaming over the audience until they reach Steve and Robin. Eddie seems to grip the mic tighter, and he holds Steve's eyes for a few seconds, giving just enough time for Steve to wave awkwardly before Eddie looks away. But his smile seems a little bigger than before, and Steve is happy to let himself think he caused it.

When he looks down again, Robin has finished writing, and she nudges the notebook closer to him. Eddie must talk fast, because her writing is almost indistinguishable from chicken scratch in dirt that a cat got dragged through. Thankfully, Steve is an expert at this point.

"Eddie: Anyway, you know the drill. We'll start with some Metallica, treat you to Iron Maiden, throw in a dash of Black Sabbath, and then grace you with a Corroded Coffin original. If you don't like it, not my problem."

Steve feels the beginning of the set as he finishes reading. He sits a little straighter, planting his feet firmly on the floor and placing his palms on the table with his fingers spread. Robin is still writing next to him, most likely transcribing the bits and pieces of conversation she can hear for Steve to read later and laugh at. She doesn't try to get his attention while she does, already knowing it won't be worth it after Steve has shifted into Music Mode.

In the same way that people can tell what song is playing based simply on the first note, Steve can sometimes tell based on the strength and length of the first vibration. In the same way people know the lyrics of songs after listening to them enough times, Steve knows the vibration patterns like the back of his hand. In the same way people who hear their favorite songs played live can tell when a note is wrong or a lyric is sung too fast, Steve can tell when the drummer or bassist makes tiny mistakes that wouldn't be caught otherwise.

And Steve loves it. He loves how his entire body thrums with each vibration that travels from the amp. He loves how he can close his eyes and picture a story based on the music, one that probably doesn't match the lyrics but tends to replace them in his heart. He loves that this is something he can still share with his friends, even if most of them don't realize how different his experience with music is.

So, for all the little bumps and dips that occur in the vibrations as Corroded Coffin plays, for all the tiny slips that certainly go unnoticed by anyone else, and for all the fact that Steve doesn't get to hear Eddie's voice, he can confidently say he loves the show. He's never heard the songs played like this before, and it helps diminish the gut-deep desperation for new music.

And then Corroded Coffin starts a new song. It's one Steve doesn't recognize, one with vibrations that are completely foreign to him, and he jerks his head up to watch Eddie play his guitar in an opening solo. It thrums across the floor, climbing up his legs and spreading in waves from his palms on the table. Steve feels goosebumps chase after it, a new wave washing over him when the guitar solo ends with a particularly strong vibration that's immediately followed by the drums and bass.

Eddie throws himself into the music, moving and twisting and strutting around the stage like he's playing to Madison Square Garden. Steve can't look away, the lyrics incomprehensible but replaced by the jerk of Eddie's hips and the tilt of his head and the little half-spin he does on his heel.

It ends too quickly with one final, reverberating strum that lingers in Steve's bones, burrowing into his marrows as Eddie pushes his hair back and grins into the mic. He says something breathlessly, his shoulders rising and falling rapidly as he tries to catch his breath, and Steve knows he's gone.

He's hopeless.

He's desperate.

He needs more Corroded Coffin, more Eddie, in whatever form he can get.

----

For the first time, Corroded Coffin gets genuine applause after playing. Usually, the patrons of the Hideout will politely clap (if they even notice the set is over) for about two seconds. Tonight, however, Eddie and his friends are graced with excited clapping, a few shouts, and one very strong whistle from a small table to the left of the stage. And it spreads because even rough biker dudes can fall to peer pressure when it's that enthusiastic.

So, yeah, genuine applause all because of Steve Harrington and Robin Buckley who, Eddie thinks, is surprising company for the former King of Hawkins High. No matter how unexpected, he should still thank them and ask what they thought of the set now that it's over. He carefully sets his guitar on a stand and glances over his shoulder, catching Jeff's gaze and flashing a grin. "I'll be right back," he says before jumping off the stage and heading over to Steve and Robin's table.

As he gets closer, he notices the notebook and pens spread out, colorful writing filling the pages and Steve grinning with amusement as he reads it. Robin is watching him like she's waiting for him to understand an inside joke already so they can laugh about it together. If Eddie didn't already know Robin was like him (band camp, summer after his junior year, during an unfortunate game of Seven Minutes in Heaven where they awkwardly stood in a closet together before Robin commented on his black bandana), he'd wonder if something was going on between them.

"How'd you like the set?" Eddie asks when he reaches the table, suddenly nervous enough to tug on a lock of his hair and pull it in front of his mouth.

Robin looks up, but Steve doesn't. He's still reading the notebook, snorting at whatever is written there like he didn't hear Eddie. It's not until Robin elbows him that he raises his head, eyes widening when he sees Eddie. "Sorry, could you repeat that?" Steve asks, his gaze dropping to Eddie's mouth (Eddie definitely isn't imagining that) and faltering some.

"I asked if you liked the set," Eddie says, frowning slightly as Robin grabs a pen and scribbles something on the notebook. It's too small for him to read, but he doesn't miss how Steve glances down for less than a second before his eyes light up with realization.

"Oh!" he says, looking back at Eddie and flashing a charming grin. "It was great. You guys are so loud, and I've never f-uh, heard anything like your original song before."

Eddie catches the way Steve fumbles, faltering like he wanted to say one word but forced himself to say another. Something is tugging at the back of Eddie's mind, but he can't quite grab onto it just yet. For now, he leans forward, placing both hands on the table so he can be closer to Steve. "You listen to metal often, Harrington?" he asks.

Steve stares at his mouth for a few seconds before nodding, and Eddie feels the thrill of learning something completely unexpected. "I like Black Sabbath best, but Judas Priest and Guns N' Roses are close seconds," Steve says.

"Yeah?" Eddie asks, "What do you like most about it?" He wants to know. Does Steve Harrington (King Steve, Steve "The Hair" Harrington, Steve fucking Harrington) like metal for the same reasons he does? Does he like the stories and the passion and the heavy theatricality of it all?

Steve seems to hesitate, possibly thinking about how to answer, before finally saying, "I like how it's music I can feel. When I listen to metal, it digs into my bones. Other music doesn't."

Somehow, Eddie's grin gets impossibly wider, and his cheeks are hurting from the sheer force of it. He's about to say more when Robin glances at the clock and swears under her breath. "Shit, I promised Mom I'd be home ten minutes ago," she says, grabbing the pens and recklessly throwing them into her bag.

It's the movement that seems to catch Steve's attention, and he looks down at Robin's hands before looking up at the clock. "Oh, fuck, your curfew," he says, looking at Robin like she hadn't just said the same thing two seconds ago.

"Yeah, no shit, dingus," Robin says, pausing long enough to speak while looking straight at Steve before throwing the notebook into her bag, too. She jumps to her feet and hauls Steve out of the chair, making his varsity jacket fall open to reveal an Iron Maiden shirt.

And Eddie thinks his heart just about stops. He doesn't know why, but seeing Steve in a metal band shirt under an undeniably jock jacket makes him feel....something. This is, like, sacrilege, right? How dare Steve Harrington allow Metal and Jock to meet? Doesn't he know the two styles clash? Or, well, they're supposed to clash, but Steve somehow wears them well, and Eddie thinks he's upset and annoyed by the fact.

Before Eddie can analyze that feeling, Steve says, "Sorry to run, Eddie. You played really well. Let me know when the next show is."

There's a lot to unpack there, too. Steve Harrington wants to come to another Corroded Coffin gig. Steve Harrington is sorry he has to cut the conversation short. Steve Harrington thinks his band played really well. Before Eddie can say anything in response, Robin is dragging Steve away, throwing a goodbye over her shoulder.

Eddie doesn't want Steve to go without something, though, some kind of departing word, so he shouts, "See ya later, big boy!"

Steve doesn't look back, but Robin nearly trips over the doorway. She then pauses long enough to say something to Steve, watching with sheer delight as he splutters and glances at Eddie before dragging her through the door. Eddie couldn't stop the grin if he tried, and he didn't try.

Later, when Eddie is sprawled on the floor of his room, staring up at the ceiling and thinking about Steve's stupid combination of Metal and Jock, he'll be struck by a sudden, consuming thought. What if Steve was wearing just the Iron Maiden shirt? What if he wore just the jacket?

Eddie swallows around the sudden lump in his throat, his mouth going dry as he scrambles to his feet and gets ready to take a very, very cold shower.

----

Tag List (the tag list is completely filled up! There definitely wasn't enough room for everyone who requested a tag orz

Please follow the tag "good vibrations Steddie" or put on notifications for my blog to see when new parts are posted :D)

@hallucinatedjosten, @queenie-ofthe-void, @r0binscript, @jewellthebooknerd, @paintgonewrong, @vacantwatchers, @newagemyth, @gutterflower77, @just-a-tiny-void, @littlebluejane

@whenindoubtb72, @different-tale-student, @sharingisntkaren, @current-steddie-brainrot, @willim-billiam-byerson, @nuggies4life

@lostgurl-12, @anomalygal, @synonym-for-strange, @sani-86, @missmagillicuddy, @ilikechocolatemilkh, @thoughtfulbreadpolice, @harringrieve, @awesomeimportantfan, @fredtheemoplant, @warlordess, @therealscarletpumpernickel, @gsvshsjsbs, @mightbeasleep, @mollymawkwrites

@lil-gremlin-things, @honorarybrit81, @sonny-ray-of-goth, @potent-idiocy, @fandomcartographer, @heartsong18, @lingeringmirth, @ko0kyco0kies, @ccomandercody, @spiderman-stilinski, @l0st-strawberry, @xxsky-shockxx, @stilesstickitinme, @boxsam, @thepansexualsnake, @37-screamingfrogs, @yourmom-isgay, @brainsteddielyrotted, @plasticcrotches, @hannahhook7744

#steddie #steddie fic #steddie fluff #good vibrations steddie #deaf steve harrington #eddie munson #robin buckley #steve harrington #stranger things #my writing

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circusinthewalls · 5 months

Text

Semi-NSFW Poly 141 Ramblings - MDNI, AGELESS BLOGS DNI [Masterlist]

Admittedly, you're not really one for drinking. Too picky, maybe, or simply too busy to have much of an idea for what you actually like. You wouldn't dare miss a night out to celebrate a successful mission, though, so here you sit.

You have your drink cradled in your lap, idly tracing the edges of the sweating glass while you watch Gaz absolutely wipe the floor with Soap in a game of pool. Price is watching, too, from where he's sat on your left, and you can feel his chest rumble with a low chuckle against your side when Johnny loses yet again. A shame, honestly. Who knew Gaz was so good at the game?

You hum and take another sip of your drink, eyes flickering over to the side when Ghost slides back into the curved booth. He retakes his place on your right now that he's got his second whiskey in hand. You eye him for a moment as he hikes up his balaclava just enough to take a drink, but then your gaze is forward again.

Johnny is moping, unsurprisingly. He trots off, briefly exiting your private room to get himself another shot at the bar.

While Kyle is setting up the pool table for what feels like the hundredth time your captain turns his attention to you, pulling you a little closer against him, thumb hooking beneath your waistband to stroke over your hip. You're a tad buzzed, mellowed out by what you've had of your alcohol, but the touch isn't unwelcome. Leaning back further into him, you rest your head against his shoulder, casting a questioning glance up in his direction.

"What, bug?" he asks.

Your eyes crinkle at the affectionate nickname, but you just shrug.

"You're the one staring," you mutter, to which he laughs.

"'Spose so." He leans down, brushing his forehead with yours. "Just checkin' on ya."

When his lips meet yours, you can taste the bitterness of whatever hard cider he's been drinking and initially grimace. Tastes like shit, but then his tongue pushes into your mouth, and you don't seem to care anymore.

Price gives a satisfied groan at the way you practically melt. He sets down his drink, instead using the now free hand to grope at your thigh, tugging a bit in between squeezes like he's debating pulling you into his lap. You can only whine into the kiss, lost in it all.

That is until Simon's voice pierces the fog in your mind.

"Fuckin' hell, save some for the rest of us."

Kyle chuckles, cutting in from across the room.

"Can't even make it back to the hotel," he comments, "and leaving poor Johnny out, too."

Price reluctantly pulls away to speak, but his hands don't cease their movements.

"Never said we couldn't share."

Well fuck. Maybe tonight would be better than you'd expected.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Blehhh, sorry for any typos and whatnot. It's late and I didn't feel like proofreading.

Will probably write up a short part two for this in the morning, but that will be proper smut. Do be on the lookout if interested? Feel free to ask to be tagged, too. o7

Writing not permitted for reposting, transcription, translation or to use with AI technologies.

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risingsuntarot · 5 months

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1--2

3-4

General Messages & Advice !!

⚠️TW Quick mention of s*icidal ideation⚠️

I honestly had no set plan for this reading negl so I kinda just pulled out some cards to describe the collective energies and give them some advice sorry if this is long !! This took me quite a while so any love would be greatly appreciated!! Thanks for reading 💜

Excuse any typos :+//

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

Pile ONE

---Cards pulled---

Ace of cups/Queen of Coins/2 of Coins

---Clarification---

9 of Coins/7 of Coins/8 of Wands

I see you're able to either barely able hold onto your emotions and new beginnings or you manage them quite well no inbetween

Youre extremely intelligent, patient yet fast and direct, dedicated and multifaceted it may have taken a lot to get to this point although

Im sensing a lot of emotional sensitivity yet you are perceived as stone when you feel like glass

"Petite, Cute, Princess, Marilyn monroe, Dainty" maybe youre described as such?

Strong sense of justice and very dependable, able to maintain balance

Maybe you feel lost inside? S*icidal ideation ? Or loneliness is a big factor

Possible lack of belief in change and self confidence

Im getting Hopeless romantic or dissatisfaction in love life if im being honest

No inspiration for life :'+(

Unstable Family background or relationships

Youre extremely pessimistic arent you? Im so sorry but i feel genuine pain hurt and the urge to cry almost? But something wont allow me to

Suppressed emotions or memories :+((

---ORACLE/ADVICE---

Eagle "see from a higher perspective"

Air Gaurdian "Shift your perception"

Lord "Take charge with authority"

High Priest "Intend ans Create"

There is a need for the sun and nature for playing a huge part in your healing, maybe its seasonal depression or simply anxiety or the "no inspiration for life" thats here

Bed rot could be a thing

There is a need to release old habits desires and ego

Confide in a masculine figure in your life or a masculine figure sees your distress (Gender doesn't matter its all energy)

Protection is needed and maybe a nice cleanse, maybe a cedar bath?

Again seasonal depression is coming up lol

You could be either a pieces or one of the Air signs

Take pride in your appearance, in the card she has long flowing black hair and stunning eyes!! Piercings too? Specifically a left nose piercing

Over thinking/pondering lol

Possible past friends or connections have ended badly?

Opportunities will only open up when you open your eyes and see that what you choose to see in the world if what youll perceive and experience

Lord of the rings/DND/Elden Ring/LARPing?

Rams could be significant or Aries sign!!

Learn a new instrument!! Make more art but with your own style ? Maybe youre in a art achool that doesnt allow for much individuality? But being a proud ab your individuality here is important!!

Birds are an important sign here, look out for feathers, hawks or eagles!!

If youre indigenous/Native/Aboriginal you may be receiving an Eagle Feather from an elder or during ceremony?! What an honor oml

Willie Jack from reservation dogs Vibes !!

---Channeled Songs---

LVL up - David strickland, Drezus, Aspects, prognosis

This came on during writing the eagle feather bit a lyric that caught my attention was

"Been a problem, Still a problem

But problems are what you need to grow"

Runaway - Lil peep

"Everybody act like they care, Why the fuck do everybody act like they care"

When I'm Gone - Eminem

"Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling

And I didn't feel a thing,

So, baby, don't feel no pain

Just smile back"

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PILE TWO

---Cards pulled---

The hermit/Knight of wands/8 of wands

---Clarification---

9 of cups/The Empress/Strength

Im getting like lost rebellion? And being unhealed and hurt inside from past trauma's specifically abandonment, neglect or betrayal from authority figures or those you had trusted

Feeling empty and misguided despite only trusting yourself, and no one seems to want to listen to your advice/experiences leading you to feel isolated and forgotten in a way?

Maybe you're a party animal, possible drinker and/or just popular/known in social settings

There is heavy overindulgence in emotionally fufilling things, specifically overspending and maybe other possible addictions (sleep, food, drugs etc)

Mother/Feminine figure is very important in your life

You look to them for approval of many things but they may have been not caring about your emotional needs or satisfaction rather they cared more about your hidden strengths and "beast inside" ?? Or even how "weak" they perceived you, they may have been disappointed at your strengths and abilities, n maybe they put you in some kind of martial arts or boxing despite your disinterest in it?

Quick to move on from situations!! Yet indecision and regret is coming through Strongly

Impatient with skills and talents that dont turm out they way you wanted so perfectionist type vibes

You are a clear communicator but tend to be rather impulsive with decisions or say one thing and do a completely different thing

Extreme harshness towards oneself and heavy judgement too :+(

Feeling exposed? Like all eyes are on you yet you dont want them

I feel a facade of confidence but there is true confidence coming through by the tiniest bit? yet it's heavily based on the feminine figures perspective in your life one with authority also your own perspective on yourself

Lots of self hatred and anger

Family oriented, getting protective yet detached energy tho

Cancer by my chemical romance came on so that song may be relevant?

---ORACLE/ADVICE---

Wise One "Grow within your current situation"

Mountains "Stand your ground"

Stargazer "Set your sights higher"

Direction guardian "Choose your path"

Owls maybe significant to you and other avians such as ravens

The wise one card depicts a woman with feathers in her gray hair, description of someone possibly?

Also a crescent moon is atop the owls head so maybe Athena or Greek mythology is important to you

I sense there was a lot of hardship in your life, ups and downs, peaks and valleys yet you choose to persevere and stay strong

I see you have may have been passed down a gift having to do with dreams, keep a journal and look into meanings of those dreams!! Also maybe astrology is something you love to look into or have an interest in ?

Although something is blocking this gift from its fullest potential i believe there is healing or a cycle to be closed off before youre allowed to fully tap into it !! It'll take time and work on your part

As of now you have many choices to make in many areas of life, youre heavily protected by your guides and loved ones, the direction guardian is depicted with a Seraphim as described by the hebrew prophet Ezekiel!!

Specifically in Ezekiel 28:11-19 is where the seraphim is described

You have choices, this card is to remind you that YOU have the power of your own path and direction

---Channeled Songs---

Cancer - MCR

"Baby I'm just soggy from the chemo

But counting down the days to go

It just ain't living

And I just hope you know

That if you say (if you say)

Good-bye today (good-bye today)

I'd ask you to be true (I'd ask you to be true)

'Cause the hardest part of this

Is leaving you"

No place to hide - Korn

"Some will look at the time I looked back into my life

You wanna touch me to see what's in my eyes

Why do you make me remember my hate, all this shame?

Don't you hate me? Sometimes"

I-E-A-I-A-I-O - SOAD

"Mine delusions acquainted,

Bubbles erotica,

Plutonium wedding rings,

Icicles stretching,

Bicycles, shoestrings,

One flag, flaggy but one,

Painting the paintings of the alive."

Although this seems like nonsense many fans believe its abbreviations or like code!! Soo...

M D E = Media and so on

The sentence comes together as:

"Media back-end power is bullshit, opposing force for the power of propaganda"

Stole this^^^ from genuis btw lmao

Theres the "lost rebel" part lol

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

PILE THREE

---Cards pulled---

2 of swords/The Chariot/10 of Wands

---Clarification---

Ace of Swords/Knave of Coins/6 of wands

I feel more a message for this pile? And i do apologize but it is quite shorter than the rest but I will try my best to deliver both tho

You seem to be a very balanced person with clear morals and judgement, you have an ability to see all shades of gray in a black and white world maybe you work in the justice system? Or are dealing with the justice system ?And this stresses you out greatly yet you maintain hope for all that you see and deal with even if you see repeating injustices to those around you

Maybe PTSD is a factor here too, overthinking your own trauma or others

Anyways despite your position here you choose this pile for a reason !! You offer people truth and often give closure to cycles that needed to end

With the 2 of coins tho i think there is some imbalance between what you can and cannot do ? If that makes sense, like you can heal others or give them justice but cannot do the same for yourself :+(

Anyways the message i sense from this pile is pretty straight forward, you are giving someone (or yourself!!) the chance or closure to heal once more and whatever you may be waiting for is coming in quite quick although I feel there may be someone who may come in to sabotage the whole thing so be careful about who you choose to reveal this information to

They may offer a trade of some sort?

A deal, hush money or simply intimidation

Up your protection and be aware of fake friends yet still remain hopeful about the outcome because i see it turning out in your favor

---ORACLE/ADVICE---

Snake "Shed old skin"

Protection Guardian "Drop your Shields"

Winter "Take care of your needs"

High Priestess "Harness mystic power"

Again straightforward, beware of fake Friends and deals with strings attached my advice here is to up your protection and stand your ground!!

Drop your gaurd with those who you KNOW you can trust, you may need ro let out some stresses and emotions? Because the card winter is all about needs and hibernation so sleep well, eat and take some time to relax !!

Also might be an indication that whatever this situation is it may have happened in the winter/colder months

While in this time of self care and healing strengthen your knowledge and strengths learn how to master them !!

Your dreams and own special psychic gifts are important and potent !! Use them for yourself at this moment in time use that healing energy for yourself

Have confidence in yourself and know and own your protection because again you are heavily protected at this time you will most likely know who to stay away from very soon

Follow you intuition and what it tells you !!

---Channeled Songs---

The bird and the worm - The Used

[Whispered Post-Chorus] "Don't tell on me, don't tell on me. No, don't you tell on me, please. It's okay, don't tell on me, please..."

I find it interesting that its not the actual audible lyrics but if you listen to the song this is what the whispers are saying so...take it as it resonates

Spiders - SOAD

"Approaching guiding light

Our shallow years in fright

Dreams are made, winding through my head"

Bad dreams might be significant to you? Please try to relax good things are coming !!

Mama - MCR

"You should have raised a baby girl

I should've been a better son

If you could coddle the infection

They can amputate at once

You should've been

I could have been a better son"

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

Pile Four

---Cards pulled---

5 of cups/4 of wands/Knave of coins

---Clarification---

8 of wands/6 of cups/Knave of wands

I believe there currently is dissatisfaction with your love life or offers within love at this moment or even just impatiently waiting for your current partner/interest to "make a move"

There isnt a lot of hope or faith in the connection on your part but i do see this person is interested they just operate differently and have some concerns

Mostly having to do with being used for their material gain, name position and/or authority

They do see this connection quite successful but they hate being put on a pedestal, due to this they wont have the guts to come forward if they do!! It will most likely be impulsive or very confusing and indirect which might leave both of yous flustered mainly them

This might be over drinks because my face is warming up lol

They see you as the four of wands and 6 of cups what a wonderful pair of cards together!!

But they see your disappointment and or pulling away from their energy which is turning them off easily but they still have their eyes on you

They have no time to be a chaser or to be chased this person is quite serious in their relationships so dont play childish games, play stupid games and win stupid prizes right?

They have come to a decision on their own but its also up to them when this information is revealed to you directly

Also there seems to be a sort of distrust with relationships on either sides which needs to be addressed before hand

Communication maybe be an issue

---ORACLE/ADVICE---

Medicine Guardian "Be open to healing information"

Elder "Healing through lineage"

Peacekeeper "Harmonious resolution is possible"

Lady "enjoy growth a reap rewards"

I feel like time is needes to open up tp yourself and heal some issues on your side first, become the best possible version you can before you can move on with this

I see that this connection may heal cycles in your family and generational trauma possibly?

Its your job to keep cool despite the circumstances now and remember to mediate and that peace is always an option. Not every battle is worth fighting

However this goes you will be happy with what you see in the mirroe nonetheless!! Enjoy your hardwork and healed state

---Channeled Songs---

Fed Up - Ghostmane

"I'm fed up with the fame

I'm sick of reading my name in any other way than I intended

Fed up with all of these motherfuckers misunderstandin' me

I'm fed up with the ones that try to say you a fan of me

But then they turn their back and mothafuckers abandon me

You think I'm sitting high with everything, but now can't you see?

I'm livin' in reality, a struggle, not fantasy

I'm in a million-dollar couch, back then I was in a van"

No you girls - Franz Ferdinand

"Sometimes I say stupid things

But I think, well, I mean I

Sometimes I think the stupidest things

Because I never wonder

Oh, how the girl feels

Oh, how the girl feels"

Driven Under - Seether

"Must be something on your mind

Something lost for me to find

Do you know I'm faking?"

I feel this is more the distrust with their previous relationship possibly?

Also this lyric

"We have to succumb to the feelings we can never face

I need you, I breathe you

I can't go through this all again

We have to succumb to the feelings we can never face

I need you, I breathe you

I can't go through this"

Also pile 3 may have some messages?? I accidentally typed pile three for this one? :+//

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

#daily tarot #pick a card reading #fs pac #love pac #pick a picture #intuitive messages #detailed pac #tarot reading #tarot #tarot cards #pac #pick a card

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didyoulookforme · 6 months

Text

nsfw alphabet: cute & soft matty healy x fem reader

so, i'm not a writer whatsoever, but i have thoughts (a lot of them smutty tbh) about a certain matty healy and wanted to jot them down as i need to try and get them off this brain of mine.

i have a type and it's middle part sometimes straight hair sometimes curly silver chain baggy clothes wearing matty, who in my head appears shy and innocent at first due to his fidgety demeanour (eg. running hands thru his hair constantly, mindlessly biting his bottom lip, repeatedly tapping his foot, etc.) but is actually very opinionated and witty with the people he’s close to, including you. he’s been your bff for years but is afraid of taking it further because he adores you and doesn't want your friendship to be ruined due to his big feelings towards you. he loves to hug you to feel you close and breathe in your scent, but honestly, he doesn't (or tries to not) have much physical contact with you otherwise because his mind, heart, and body cannot take it. he's enamoured by you and has been for years now to the point where he is 96.7% sure he's really, really in love. that's how it all starts and you do eventually end up together, but it takes some time... oh, and he has a crazy sex drive and lots of dirty thoughts about you. a shy romantic horny opinionated man who is mostly a sub.

nothing super unique, just mostly here for the soft bf matty vibes because we all deserve one of those.

(sorry in advance for all the grammatical errors, typos, and run on sentences. i'm not a proofreader.)

warnings: 18+, lots of smut with some fluff. this is too fucking long lol

(not quite) sfw version here

matty healy masterlist here

--------

a = aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

this boy lives and breathes to take care of you, before, after, and during sex. anything he can do to make you feel safe, loved, satisfied. but his favourite form of aftercare is, hands down, using his mouth and tongue to make sure you're all clean. after he does so, the little ritual continues by spending time just softly kissing each other's lips. you both indulge in the lingering taste of each other's cum, but there's nothing dirty or aggressive about it. it's all gentle, a sweet reminder that you belong to each other.

b = body part (their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

if matty were to choose his favourite part of his body, it would be his arms. after all, there's a reason why he keeps decorating them with tattoos. makes him feel confident about himself and, honestly, doesn't mind all the compliments either. bless him. but he also has grown to appreciate his unruly curly head of hair, the reason being that he knows how much you like it after all the tantrums you throw whenever he cuts it. before you get together, you only play with it when you're too drunk or high, but when you do so it makes his heart grow.

his favourite part(s) of your body are your hands. so delicate with silver rings adorning almost every finger. it's difficult for him to not watch when you rub them against each other when you're nervous. or how your hand finds itself in front of your mouth whenever you laugh too hard at his nonsense. he knows you prefer dark nail polish vs. lighter coloured ones. he has imagined countless times how your hands would feel on him. sigh. he worships those hands of yours and would kiss then every single second if he could.

after you do get together, he realizes that, as cliché as it sounds, he loves your cunt. for one, when he first saw you completely naked he thought he could just die happy right then and there. but that was until he got to taste you and decided he'd much rather be alive as he could never have enough of your sweetness. and how it perfectly fits around him? he swears he’s the luckiest motherfucker alive.

c = cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

oh god. don't let the shy boy act fool you. he is FILTHY. it took a few months for this side of him to show, but you are over the moon when you find out how enthralled he is when he sees his cum dripping out of you. it all started one afternoon when you were riding him (his fav position of course, see letter f below). he finished inside you, his head thrown back over the couch while trying to catch his breath. after a few minutes, you raise your hips to pull away and carefully sit right below his stomach, making sure not too hurt him. once his breathing is back to normal, he looks back at you with those sweet tired eyes, gaze travelling down your body and ending at your spent core, where he notices beads of his white cum running down your cunt. the sight is almost too much for him, poor matty. he bites his bottom lip hard to stifle his whimpers, but somehow gathers enough courage to ask if he can touch you ("sorry sorry sorry i know it's gross. fuuuck. forget i said anythi--" "matty, calm down, baby. my sweet boy, it's okay. you can do it. i want you to.") his mind goes haywire when he brings his thumb to touch you, picking up a bit of his cum which he then rubs on your clit in small, gentle circles. sigh. but yes, cum is involved and you both love it. that's that.

d = dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

before you were officially dating, you once left a black shirt at his place, one of your favourites in fact! don't really know the specifics of why or how it happened, but you left it there and he found it. his sensitive soul found it difficult not to immediately grab it and put it against his face to smell your lingering scent. but it didn’t take long for his horny mind to take over and wrap the piece of cloth around his cock and get himself off. before he realized what he was doing, he had already stained your shirt and the shame he felt was unreal to the point where he could not look you in the eye next time you saw each other. “oh, btw, i think i left my top at yours. do you think you can bright it next time?” his face had never been more red in his entire life lol. it wasn’t until you were together that he confessed to it when you were playing an nsfw version of truth n dare in your living room because you were both drunk as fuck.

e = experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

okay. so believe or not, this matty doesn't really do hookups. he's in a famous band, yeah, but he's not really looking to get off with people just for one night. he will only do it if he feels a spark with someone on some level other than physical attraction, but he prefers the intimacy and closeness that comes with a relationship. because of this, he hasn't had too many different sexual partners, but during those few relationships he worshipped his other half and did everything he could to learn every single little thing about how to please her in the best way possible. it takes him time to get there with every gf, but once he knows what you like, you will never be dissatisfied. tl:dr not too much experience when it comes to body count, but will excel A++++ all around with the partner he's currently with.

f = favourite position (this goes without saying)

without a doubt, you riding him while he’s sitting up. can be on the sofa, your favourite dining chair, the edge of your bed (his preferred place), the back of the tour bus, you name it. this man loves close skin-to-skin sweaty contact. he is eager to keep you near when you grind yourself on him, one arm tight around your mid back, the palm of the other gripping your ass, guiding your hips back n forth. this way he can also keep kissing your face, neck and shoulders whenever he wants to and feel your tits against his chest. it also allows him to look up at you as you bounce up and down his cock, this which might be one of his favourite sights in the entire world, just as if he were worshiping you.

g = goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

for the most part the sex is a calm, sensual endeavour, but if something happens like his fingers getting tangled in your hair, him kissing your teeth, you accidentally tickling him, he'll be adorable and smile, letting out a soft laugh. you love that he's vulnerable enough to chuckle at a small mishap rather than him getting frustrated. he's too damn cute. you can barely handle it.

h = hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

sweet matty knows you love going down on him (which he thanks his lucky stars is a real thing as he cannot get enough of your lips around him) so he tries to keep himself trimmed down there. you couldn't care less tbh but it's cute and rather hot to see him that invested in thinking of what will be best for you and your pleasure. funny enough, you would've never thought he did so given his current nonchalant way of dressing (baggy clothes, torn band shirts, messy gelled hair). but this boy does like to keep you guessing after all.

i = intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

he cannot possibly be close enough to you (re. his favourite position being you riding him). you are his world and will hopefully always be, even if he had to wait what felt like a lifetime to finally have you romantically and sexually. both of you prefer slow and sweaty sex whenever possibly, filled with lots of sweet words and love you's and him nuzzling his head into the crook of your neck while you run your fingers through his hair. he's a shy horny romantic at heart.

j = jack off (masturbation headcanon)

our boy here has undoubtedly gotten off at the thought of you many, many times before you get together. whether it is him reminiscing about a certain memory and/or looking at photos of you, he's certainly done it. he's also been caught by adam when he's not-so-silently moaning your name while he's no-so-silently jacking off during tour. but because adam is a sweet soul and understands the hardships of missing the person you love, he doesn't give him too much grief over it (unless matty is getting on his nerves).

now, when you do end up together, there's a time when the two of you are high (you do that a lot), giggly, care-free and the topic of masturbation comes up for some reason. this is when it is confessed that you both had (obviously) gotten off at the thought of each other pre-dating and that ends up turning both of you on to the point where one of you suggests if you can watch each other do it. so that happens and mutual masturbation continues to be thing in your relationship.

and of course, matty still masturbates many times while he's away because you end up sending him short snippets of you pleasuring yourself. so he cannot help himself.

k = kink (one or more of their kinks)

it’s all about praising. he loves it. you love it. it's a win win situation for both parties involved and it couldn't be more perfect. because he can sometimes get nervous, your praises make him feel at ease. call him a sweet boy (his fav) and you’ll have him at your mercy. on the other hand, if you refer to him as a good boy, he will almost devour you alive.

one summer you were playing fetch with mayhem in the park “aww! who’s a good, sweet boy!?” and for some reason matty started chocking on the coke he was drinking “are you okay?” “yeah yes. cough. ‘s nothing. wrong pipe” “hm, okay if you say so.” five minutes pass and mayhem is cuddling with you while you scratch his ear “such a sweet, pretty baby boy, aren’t you mayhem? yes, of cour—wtf matthew, are you sure you’re alright?” you look back at him as he’s trying to aggressively clean the coke he spat out and landed on the crotch of his pants. after that you notice that he not-so-subtly tries to readjust his baggy jeans ever so often. you get a sneaky suspicion of what might’ve happened, but it isn’t until you are together for a few months that you test out your theory and praise him and he literally comes undone seconds after the words leave your mouth. he’s almost too much <3

l = location (favourite places to do the do)

vanilla answer, but your bed. the fact that he can have you in the place where you sleep just drives him crazy with lust. it's your space. it smells like you. you spend endless hours there resting, facetiming him, watching tv, (as well as pleasing yourself). so yes, your bed is a sacred temple to matty. amen.

m = motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

before sex: wear any of his clothes and that's almost a sure way to get him turned on. especially his jumpers and shirts. once upon a time you two + the rest of the band went swimming. after you got tired of everyone cannonballing into the pool (because they're grown men boys), you stepped out and wanted to get out of your wet swimsuit asap because you hate the feeling of wet clothes on your skin. without really thinking, you just grabbed his jeff buckley shirt (i love jeff buckley btw), put it on, and since it is way larger on you that it is on him, you thought "lalalala i'm just gonna remove my swimsuit here since this shirt is roomy and no one will be able to see anything." as you're doing so, george has matty in some sort of headlock (because, again, boys) but as he's struggling to get out of it, his eyes end up in your direction as you're pulling the suit bottoms down. this makes him tense up and freeze in place, so now george has the upper-hand and submerges him underwater. when matty comes back to the surface, he's outta breath, huffing and puffing, and none made easier because (unbeknownst to you) your wet body and swimsuit have made his white jeff buckley shirt see though. and since then he cannot get enough of you wearing anything of his.

during sex: pull on his hair when you're riding him and it's game over. he'll immediately get a goofy toothy grin on his face while bitting his bottom lip and adoringly look at you thru half lidded eyes as if there is nothing better in this life (because of course, nothing compares 2 u).

n = no (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

absolutely nothing that could possibly hurt you too seriously. you two eventually get into some harsher tendencies and kinks, but it's always consensual. he'd never forgive himself if he caused you unwanted pain.

o = oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

he absolutely loves both. he swears there is no better feeling than having your warm mouth around him but he's never too pushy or needy about it. you of course enjoy it too, but the best part about it is just seeing him come undone as he gets loud, sweaty, and shaky which is a sight you'll never grow tired of. and as mentioned on letter b above, he enjoys your cunt A LOT so he'll never miss an opportunity to go down on you. that tongue of his? unreal. but he's definitely noticed that your favourite is when he sucks on your clit so he spends majority of the time doing that. imagine you sitting on the edge of your bed, him shirtless kneeling down with your legs over his shoulders, and his head between your legs while his lips are wrapped around you, gently sucking and licking while you gently pull on his hair and tell him he's your sweet boy. it's heaven for the both of you.

p = pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

more often than not, it’s slow and sensual as that’s something that both of you really enjoy. from one romantic to another, you cannot get enough of the passionate sex.

HOWEVER, fast and rough comes into play whenever he gets jealous as he cannot help himself. but it's not in a hard, mean dom type of way. more in a "i'm all yours. i want to make you feel so damn good and please you so you don't look at anyone else. please do anything you want with me" type of way. the first time he ever wants to have rough sex, he acts all shy and nervous when asking you if it's okay as it's not his norm. but you're there to guide him through and make it easy for him. <3

q = quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

not really your or his thing, tbh. reason being that if you have sex, it never ends up being quick. you'd much rather be late to the event or appointment than to rush it. the amount of times he's been late to soundcheck is alarming, but it's not like they can kick him out of the band, right? one time when he walks into the rehearsal, flustered and with hair all over the place, he sees george about to mock him but matty beats him to the punch. "before you even fucking start, yes, i was having sex before this. yes, it was amazing. yes, i know i'm late again. that's it. i'm sorry. let's carry on." but the thing is that a sexually satisfied matty = amazing gigs, so the others cannot fault him.

r = risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

he’s down to try anything but only if you discuss it first so both of you are comfortable. again, he may look and act shy most of the time (especially with people he doesn't know too well) but he's known you for years so he's super comfy with you, thus he's game to do anything which might bring you pleasure as long as he doesn't seriously hurt you (as mentioned in letter n) because he wouldn't be able to deal with causing you any sort of lasting pain.

s = stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

tbh one of the other main reasons he goes to the gym (see letter x) is so he can last longer for you. you both have insatiable sex drives (see letter y) so he wants to keep fit in order to try and fulfill any and all desires you might have. once you get together, it's no secret to any of your friends that you have a VERY active sex life that they can only dream of and matty loves to remind them that they’re just jealous when they do make fun of him for it. he’s cute.

t = toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

he didn’t think much about them at first UNTIL that one night he was over at your place and opened up your bedside drawer, hehehe. so hear me out... our boy loves getting high (especially with you) so he asked if you had any weed as he very surprisingly (i know, i'm shocked, too) forgot his own. you just looked at him with wide eyes like “whoa, wait. you forgot? are you okay?” while you jokingly felt his forehead to see if he was ill. he gently swatted your hand away and squinted in mock annoyance, “fuck off... but really, do you have any?” :insert big brown caramel puppy eyes: you motioned over to your bedroom and told him that your stash was in the drawer of your bedside table. he struts over, nonchalantly, humming a tune that’s been stuck in his head since that morning because you’d been listening to it nonstop. he gets to your room, stares at your comfy bed wishing he could sleep with you, in both senses of the word, because he's head over heels for you. he'd do anything and everything you'd ask him faster than the words could even leave your mouth. he sighs, knowing that couldn't happen because you weren't his gf :( anyway, he bends over to open the top drawer of your left bedside table and start shuffling around to find nothing but books, notebooks, photos (including one of him napping, awe). he moves on to the second drawer to find a black lidded box which he opens and to his surprise (or dismay) finds your toys which causes him to almost drop the box altogether. his eyes gaze over each of the vibrators and other small devices in there and he cannot help but think of you using them on yourself. siiiiiiiiigh. a "did you find it, matty?" is screamed by you which causes him to instantly come back down reality. the box is put away and he speed walks out of the room, heading straight for the kitchen to get a glass of water to hopefully rehydrate his desert dry throat after his discovery. "well, did you find it?" "nope, changed my mind. don't want any weed. i'm okay. i'll just drink my water. here. in the kitchen." when in reality he was standing behind the bar so you couldn't see how rock hard he was. fast forward to right before you go to bed that night, you want to get yourself off so you go to find your fav toy when you see that the box is on a weird angle with the lid not fully closed. then it dawns on you why matty had to very abruptly leave that evening.

BUT ANYWAY, after you get together and your enjoyment for toys is out in the open, he loves using them on you which is a huge turn on for you because it shows that the seemingly shy boy is actually super confident when it comes to your sex life together.

u = unfair (how much they like to tease)

much like the cum play (see letter c), it took a bit for matty to feel comfortable enough to be a tease while you were having sex. he's not too much of a dirty talker (if you haven't noticed yet, he's a sub in this world of mine, sorry) BUT he eventually finds out that you love begin edged. so yeah, he has fun with that, going down on you over and over again until you are screaming.

v = volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

poor matty tries to stifle his moans, whimpers, and any other sounds that come out of his mouth but it doesn't work well for him as he always ends up being the loudest out of the two of you. this is another thing his bandmates always tease him about, as they can always hear when he's getting off on the tour bus or having sex with you in another room. and this is another instance where he reminds his mates that they're just jealous because of his amazing sex life.

w = wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

remember how i said i have a type and he's a chain wearing matty? well, once you both start having sex, he very quickly finds out you fucking love pulling on that chain to bring him closer to you. he also notices how you tend to kiss around the area where in sits around his neck. your obsession about it becomes 100% confirmed when he sees that the background of your phone is a photo of him shirtless but still wearing that silver chain. so he knows that he always has to wear it, a quiet sign that you control him. but one morning after his shower, he comes running to the living room, huffing and puffing that he cannot find his necklace until he looks at you. you just smirk and wink at him when he sees the chain around you. oh, he doesn't know what he's in for.

x = x-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

he once heard you say how you were starting to find "more conventional, muscular men" attractive so he took this as his cue to immediately look up the number of the best and closest personal trainer he could hire. fast forward six months and you're at his flat, drinking and listening to music with the band. who knows what happens (probably george's fault) but matty ends up spilling his glass of wine all over his shirt. UGH. "fuck me. it's embarrassing how many clothing items i've ruined 'cause of this expensive habit." you laugh loudly at him, obviously, but karma gets you once he takes off his ruined top so he's just standing there in his dangerously low rise grey joggers. that shuts you up as you just stare at the muscles on his back and the mostly defined v shape above his crotch. matty leaves the room to get a clean shirt without noticing you basically drooling over him. however, perceptive handsome ross does pick up on the vibes and teases you for the remainder of the evening.

y = yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

high. higher than anyone you've ever been with and you're thankful for it. albeit it is PAINFUL when he's away on tour for months at a time, especially when you cannot go and see him :( no matter how many photos or videos you send each other, it's never enough to satiate you desire to have him close to you. the only silver lining is when you both do end up back together, as you both know you won't be sleeping that night and won't be going anywhere else the day after.

z = zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

once the soft making out session is done (see letter a), he's gone. he's a sleeper. he's a napper. he's the big spoon and holds you close, lazily kissing the back of your neck before he settles himself against it. again, he's all about that close contact, gotta love him. but give him 3 minutes MAX and he'll be out. a tired boy has to rest, i guess <3

--------

ALRIGHT. that's enough for me rambling. not sure if anyone will see this but my mind feels about 12% lighter for now. until the next brain rot takes over.

if you happened to make it this far, you're a gem. thank you. you're the best. and i'm always free to talk about this man and smutty thoughts about him!

#still in my smutty feels #get this man outta my head #but actually maybe not he's too precious #this is TOTALLY not me projecting #this is way too long lol i'm so sorry #i like to ramble okay?#matty #matty healy smut #matty healy x reader #headcanon #matty healy headcanon #smut #i swear i still like their music but my brain cannot stop #bf matty #bf matty blurb #mw

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 8 months

Note

AITA for creating and running a gimmick blog?

A few months back, I was bored and decided to hop on the trend of gimmick blogs. Since I don't have any crazy skills like identifying cars or programming bots, I settled on something I thought was extremely simple: correcting typos. So I'll sometimes reblog posts that have typos in them and comment with corrections. I would only do this on posts that were already lighthearted or joking in tone; I would never derail a serious post with it. And I really haven't used it very often - maybe a couple times a week at most, just when I happen to notice a good candidate.

Well, recently I was inundated out of nowhere by a bunch of anons telling me this was a horribly offensive idea. According to them, I was insulting dyslexic people, non-native English speakers, people without access to education, and a whole bunch of other groups with these unwarranted corrections.

I had honestly never considered that angle, and I've paused using that blog so I can try and reflect on it. But when I replied to a couple of the asks asking for a better explanation of exactly how this was harmful - because I genuinely wanted to be informed - the vast majority of the replies, with few exceptions, were obscenely rude to me. I've been called classist, ableist, racist, and a lot of much worse words I don't care to repeat here. I blocked exactly two people because they were being extremely hateful in my notes, while still trying to engage with the more polite ones, but of course I still got accused of blocking and ignoring everyone I disagreed with.

The truth is, I'm still not sure whether or not I disagree with any of them on the actual subject at hand; I just can't deal with people being bitter and rude and assuming the worst of me. I tried to make it clear that I was more than willing to listen and have a conversation in good faith, but that has proved impossible.

So now I'm really hurt and really, really confused. I'm not going to just blindly trust a small group of hypocrites on the internet who claim they're worried about people's feelings while at the same time trying to completely villainize me as if I don't have feelings too. But I also understand that they might have a point. Sadly, politeness is not always correlated with correctness.

I absolutely do not want to continue running this gimmick blog if it's truly harmful and offensive to people. I've just never encountered this take before, and it was delivered with such vitriol that I had to take a break from tumblr entirely just to recover my sanity. So I'm hoping a much broader and less biased sample size will help to clear this up. I know an AITA poll isn't perfect, but it should do.

If I get a YTA verdict, I will delete the typo-correcting blog and stop immediately, no questions asked. If not, I'll know I just angered an extremely vocal minority that has no idea how to deal with conflict.

AITA?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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she-lovesmovies · 1 year

Text

Sodo × fem!reader

She/her reader

Words count: 2 486

Summary: You have a fight with Sodo and he gives you the silent treatment after that.

Warnings: hurt/comfort, angst/fluff. She throws up at some point but it's short and not details. She also eat less for a short time so TW for ED.

Notes: English is not my first language so some lines may be grammatically incorrect, + typos, sorry.

(Pic coming from Pinterest)

"Mountain I don't know what to do. I feel like he doesn't want to talk to me. At first I understood: he's angry, l'm not gonna talk to him, l'm gonna wait. But it's been hours and I really feel like we need to talk about it... "

"Honestly, I personally don't think what you did was that bad. He's just annoyed by anything and everything. You should try to talk to him."

"Ok..? You sighted.

Rain was looking at you, shaking his head no.

But what could you do, really?

You had walked on his guitar and broke two of the buttons. Not just broke in the he could put them back on way, but you had crushed them.

You couldn't even remember how it happened.

But you remembered how Sodo had looked at you.

How the atmosphere of the room had instantly changed. For the long time you had been with Sodo, or hang out with him, you had never felt that.

It was your fault, clearly. You knew your boyfriend was always leaving his things on the floor so you should have been careful.

After your initial shock, you had fall to your knees and tried to put the pieces back. But he had harshly told you to leave the room. You had quickly complied. And he hadn't talk to you since the incident.

You hadn't even had the chance to apologize...

You trusted Rain. But you had to talk to Sodo.

————————————————

So here you were, in front of his door.

"Sodo ?"

You knocked on the door and opened it. Discreetly walking inside.

He was sitting on the floor, his back to you. His ears and head twitching at the sound of your movements.

His tail was moving violently.

He looked like an animal.

"Sodo ? It's me….. Ijust wanted to say l'm sorry."

"Get out." He growled.

Ok.

So it was gonna be a hard one.

"Sodo, I'm really sorry, can we talk about this ?"

"What about ? You broke my guitar. I won't be able to play it. That's it. Get out.?

"I'm not getting out until you're looking at me. You're clearly not well and I'm not leaving you like this."

He angrily turned around and looked at you dead in the eyes.

He wasn't wearing his mask so you could see his eyes. And now you knew why they were ghouls. Why people thought of them as demons.

"And why would I want you being the one to help me?"

"Because I'm your girlfriend…..?" You answer quietly, forced to look at the floor under his cold scary gaze.

He laughed sadistically and you knew it had been the wrong thing to say and you were both gonna get hurt now.

" You're just a girl I fuck and hang out with. I could do it with any other siblings or sisters. Do you think you have anything special? Because right now apart from breaking my guitar, you didn't do much around here."

He doesn't mean it.

You knew he didn't mean it.

He is just angry.

He loves you.

You knew he did.

After everything you went through together.

But it still hurt.

"You don't mean it. You're just angry.."

"Just angry? Just angry? I could fucking kill you right now! don't know why i'm not doing it. Probably because my brothers would murder me after that. But trust me I would fucking rip you apart if I could. You're fucking useless in the clergy. Copia is being nice to you because that's who he is. He doesn't care about you. I don't care about it."

"No, you don't mean it..." your lips started shaking.

"I- mean- every-words- I- said." He articulated.

At this point your whole body was trembling.

"Stop fucking trembling. It's pissing me off!" He harshly said before turning back to his broken guitar.

"Sorry." you muttered.

He doesn’t mean it.

He doesn't mean it.

Both of you didn't say anything for the next two minutes.

It can't end on this.

This conversation can't end like that.

How can I arrange it ?

How can I fix his guitar?

"Sodo, tell me what should I do...?"

You could hear the tears in your own voice.

You knew his guitar was the thing he loved the most in this whole world.

He always had play with this guitar since he stopped being a bassist.

"Fucking leave me alone and don't talk to me again. I don't want to see your face."

You couldn't just stop talking to him.

Or hang out with him.

Did that mean you both were nothing now.

"Are you breaking up with me ?" You ask with a quiet voice.

He didn't answer.

You were in the wrong.

He had every right to not talk. He had asked you to leave him be and you were in the wrong.

So you turned around, defeated, and walked out of the door.

You were in the wrong.

He didn't answer...

——————————————-

4 days had passed since your fight with Sodo.

You both hadn't talk to each other.

You were trying to reach him but he just kept avoiding and ignoring you.

You had heard from Aether that he was in the studio, talking with Copia.

So you ran to them, knowing he couldn't avoid you if he was talking with Copia.

You entered the studio.

Copia glanced at you but Sodo kept talking not acknowledging you or the sound you made.

He probably heard or smell you coming.

"Sodo...”

The ghoul kept on going on.

Copia looked at you, then Sodo.

"Sodo. Please can we talk ?"

No answer.

“Sodo answer me !” You yelled.

Copia looked at you and opened his mouth to say something to Sodo but the ghoul was faster.

"We can keep this conversation elsewhere if you're distracted Papa."

Copia looked like he didn't know what to do.

The silence grounded itself in the room.

“Please talk to me." You whispered, your voice shaking.

Silence again.

Then Sodo started talking with Copia again, who clearly wasn't listening but just looking at you with pity, extending his hand toward you to reach you.

“My dear maybe if...”

Tears rolled down your face and you whimpered just before running out of the room.

You were embarrassed.

Being treated like that in front of Papa.

Being treated like you were nothing.

Like you were useless and didn't exist.

You arrived to your bedroom and locked yourself into your bedroom.

You ran to your bathroom and toilet.

You started throwing up.

Your mouth and throat were sour because of the vomit.

But the way Sodo treated you had triggered some background traumas you had.

You've been through similar things in middle school.

You had to endure those type of behaviors from people you loved.

And it had leave the child you were, traumatized by some specific things.

You couldn't help the way your body was reacting.

And for the next 3 weeks, you had been throwing up every night.

After your duties. After all the pressure was gone. Your body was letting it all go.

But it hurt you.

Your stomach, your throat, your head was hurting you.

Your whole body was exhausted by throwing up for hours. So after the first week you started eating less to vomit a little less food.

Your body kept trying to vomit something and it hurt, but it wasn't as painful as when you were eating.

You also had sleeping problems because of that. It was not often that you were throwing up in the middle of the night and apart from thinking too hard about everything that was going on, you frequently were woke up by nightmares.

You had learned from Rain that Sodo's guitar had been fixed a week ago. You were glad. But the silent treatment kept going on. And honestly it was almost like you had accept it, it pained you everytime you saw him, but you were getting use to it. It didn't mean you were more happy. Getting use to it didn't arrange anything. You still felt miserable. Wandering in the corridors, doing your tasks like a ghost, you still felt useless.

Right now, you were trying to eat your breakfast. The only meal you had everyday.

Thinking about what you could do today.

You knew how it was gonna go: you were gonna go to your bedroom, lay in your bed, start thinking about Sodo, about your relationship, about everything you did, about how you did the same as when you were young, about your last relationships, about how in the wrong you were. About how apart from the guitar you were just a pain in the ass and uninteresting.

About how you knew Sodo was stubborn but if he really loved you he couldn't avoid you for that long.

About how he had always been right: he was saying the truth and didn't want you.

And you would throw up, and cry. And wish someone was there, but at the same time wished no one would see you like that, and wished to only disappear and die.

"Y/n. I know you want and need some time alone, but we're really worried about you.."

You didn't dare to look at Mountain while eating your cereals.

"Hm."

"He's right, you don't look good." Agreed Swiss.

"So that's why you all decided to sit with me this morning? Then that's really kind of you, for once, to sit with me. But don't worry I'II be able to achieve my duties. So you can tell Copia to stop sending his ghouls because whatever my mood and state I'll do my job. I don't want to get thrown out of the clergy."

You stood up from your chair and took your bowl.

But before you had the chance to walk away, Mountain's tail grabbed your forearm.

"Y/n, you need to talk to him.” Mountain muttered.

You started laughing hysterically.

"He's been giving me the silent treatment for 5 weeks. At this point he just doesn't want me in his life. Plus, last time you told me talk to him and look how greatly it went. It's okay. I fucked up. It was stupid of me to think he cared and loved me. You all don't have to pretend. I’ll just stop annoying everyone."

Cumulus tried to speak:

"Y/n it's not what we-“

You didn't let her finished as you took your forearm back and quickly walked out of the cafeteria.

"We need to do something. Sodo is fucking up all the rehearsals and she clearly is not doing well?”

"I don't care about the fucking rehearsals Aether. She's gonna kill herself if she keeps going on like this." Said Mountain.

"We need to talk some fucking sense in Sodo's ego and brain." Agreed Cirrus.

——————————————-

You were in your room.

In your bed.

Under your white sheets.

Your head below your pillow.

Your head was hurting you so bad.

You didn't know if the pillow was suppose to take the pain away, to cut yourself from the outside world, or just suffocate yourself to die instantly.

The tinnitus in your ears was so loud you didn't hear your door opening.

"Y/n.."

You groaned. Still deaf from the person entering.

"Y/n, it's me, Sodo."

You were on the verge of passing out.

The bucket for throwing up next to your bed was almost full.

You didn't know why tonight was that bad.

"Talk to me, please?

Sodo thought it was only fair that you were giving him the silent treatment back, after what he did to you. But he couldn't stop himself from getting worried at the sounds leavingg your body.

He rushed to your bed when he clearly heard cries.

He pulled the sheets and you shriek.

You curled on yourself even more than before, as if trying to protect you.

Sodo took in the sigh of you.

You were pale.

Really pale.

It looked like you hadn't eat for days.

He kneeled next to the bed, where your face was now resting and caressed it.

"Y/n open your eyes."

You shook your head and he stood up, just to sit on your bed and tried to pull you up so you were sitting.

You were just limbs and as you sat up, your head fell past his shoulder. Your chin resting on it as your chest was laying on his.

"Sodo." you finally whimpered.

You had recognized him.

"Yeah, it's me darling."

"You're talking to me." She sobs.

And Sodo’s heart couldn’t hold it anymore.

It broke on itself and tears started to well up in his eyes.

And a sudden wave of immense sadness and pain washed over him.

He was overwhelmed by sorrow.

It took him a second to realize it was your pain he was feeling.

His arms encircled you and he hugged you like he had never hug anyone.

"I'm so sorry. l'm so sorry. I was being immature. It was never your fault. For anything. I let my guitar lay around. I was an asshole to get angry at something so stupid. It was just buttons. I didn't mean anything I say. Please believe me. I love you. I love you so much. Please."

You closed your eyes from relief.

Your head was still hurting you like hell therefore the need to vomit was starting to vanish.

But then your mind reminded you of those past 3 weeks.

"Why? Why did you do that to me? For 3 weeks. You're lying. You don't love me.."

You tried to get out of his embrace but you were just too weak.

"I'm sorry. I was angry at myself. And then I thought you would never forgive me. That you were just better without someone so immature. I'm so sorry. I don't want our relationship to get toxic. l'll never do that to you again. I'm so sorry. l've never been more miserable. Please come back."

You cried even harder as you heard Sodo's own cries.

"I don't know. I don't know. I'm so tired Sodo. I love you so much. But right now I'm too tired to think."

"Okay, okay don't worry darling. I brought you some biscuits so you can eat and then we'll just lay down and talk about all this tomorrow. Do you want me to go ?”

"Please. Stay. I need you to hold me."

Sodo nodded. He didn't loose his grip on you as you both laid down on the bed.

He hugged you from behind.

"I love you so much. I'm so sorry. So sorry." He sobs quietly.

"I know Sodo." whispered as your mind drifted into unconsciousness.

The ringing in your ears had stopped.

#sodo ghoul x reader #ghost band #shitghosting #be gay do drugs hail satan #sodo x reader #dewdrop x reader #dewdropghoul #mountain ghoul #swiss ghoul x reader #aetherghoul #cardinal copia #cirrusghoulette #cumulus ghoulette #rainghoul #ghost fanfiction #ghost

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shoyudon · 5 months

Text

BEFORE YOU FOLLOW !

i am a pro palestine blog, if you are a pro-isr@eli or support isr@el in any kind of form and way. please go ahead, exit my blog, and block me. there is no space in here for you :)

this is a sfw blog for jujutsu kaisen, most i'd do is a little suggestiveness !

i mostly write female readers !

i have no update schedule, i am a college student with an actual life going on — please, do not rush me to update or to do your asks.

english is not my first language, i apologize for any grammar mistakes or typos.

i reblog other writer's fics and post things which are definitely not fics here, so feel free to block certain tags. thank you!

DO NOT INTERACT !

basic dni criteria.

zionists, pro-isr@eli, do not interact with me or my posts.

porn link posters (i don't mind smut— but literal porn links are different, you can't tell me otherwise.)

PLAGIARISM. and if you justify it, honestly, what's wrong with you?

interact with me if you are 15+ please, do not message me if you are under the age of 15- or 25+ — feel free to interact with my posts but refrain from interacting with me, thank you. my posts are fit for 14+ for pure fluff. but slight suggestiveness will be fit for 16+

hi, if you think you fit any of the criteria above, feel free to block me. don't bother coming into my ask to bash me about what i can or can't do in MY own blog.

OHO, GET BLOCKED !

i'm setting my boundaries here in my blog, if you get blocked, that's your part to find out WHY. because, i don't block people for no reason.

you reblog + post porn links. honestly, that's just weird, idek why they're a thing (no offense). i don't care if you're a mutual, i will HARD BLOCK you. i don't mind if you reblog + post nsfw content as long as it doesn't consist shit like stepcest / incest / r@pe / sexual-assault / aging up a canon minor character to write smut about them / etc.

you justify and do plagiarism. it's pretty self-explanatory, right?

you write + reblog stuff like incest, step-cest, r@pe, sexual assault, intense age gap (pedophilia), etc. romanticizing these stuff doesn't make you look cool, it's weird and disgusting. seek help :)

the anon feature is not a place for you to be a coward and start hating, the least you could do is turn the feature off and start hating!

blank + ageless blogs. i know this is an sfw blog, but still, convince me you're not a bot; don't come at me for blocking your account by justifying that "you're just a reader". thanks!

SPAM LIKING 5+ POSTS. reblogs are very much appreciated, it means a lot to us. tumblr will think i am a bot and will throw me into the shadow realm, that's not a great experience!

hating on my works. let's keep the blog peaceful!

tag abusers. i don't want to see smut on the fluff tag, or an "about me" post on the tag meant for fluff or angst, get blocked.

straight up problematic. honestly, if you instigate drama or if you troll for no reason for the sake of gaining attention — that's just really not cool. i've had my share of experiences having a mutual "faking" their deaths for attention and then getting caught on different platforms, it's just embarrassing.

telling me to help you + support you in a drama you made. no. just no. i don't like drama and i'm not going to help you or support you in a situation that you created on your own, you're on your own (unless you didn't and you have solid proof).

PRIVATE MESSAGES !

feel free to message me as long as you're respectful about the approach, i'll be glad to reply to you :)

DO NOT message me just to ask me to support you because you're in a drama, or if you need support to do any other problematic things. or to ask me to go report someone else because you're losing the fight you made.

DO NOT message me to ask me or force me to be mutuals with you, i follow who i want.

DO NOT message me to ask if me you can translate my works in other platforms, i used to allow that thinking there was no harm. boy, oh boy was i wrong. i do not allow translations or reposts on other platforms.

i don't want to be related in dramas or discourses, so let's make this blog a peaceful and anti-drama one!

MUTUALS !

like i said, i follow who i want to. so please don't force me to be your mutual.

if you have a problem with me, talk to me. don't go all pissy and talk shit about me in your blog when you have the option to directly talk to me regarding it.

if you WANT to break the mutual line, HARD BLOCK me. this is like unfollowing me from ig without removing me as your follower. don't soft block me so i do not refollow you or interact with your posts by accident.

if i cut the mutual line, i will HARD BLOCK you. i don't block people without a reason, so if i did break the mutual line — it must have been something you have posted, said, or done. DO NOT try to reach out to me from another account because i will block that account as well. if i did block you, i do not want anything else to do or to be associated to you.

please remind me if a mutual of mine is someone problematic or have posted, said, or reblog any that fits in here so i could be aware immediately. thank you :)

keep in mind to NEVER associate me with the people i used to follow / supported before or were mutuals before. i only associate myself with the people i follow NOW. thank you :)

𝜗𝜚 . back to navi ⋆ masterlist !

#𝐒𝐇𝐎'𝐒 𝐑𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 #PLEASE READ BEFORE INTERACTING

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somniumfaults · 5 days

Note

Hi! I just read your omega fic of Leo, Towa, and Haku. I was wondering if you could do one of them as alphas instead where they help you through your heat? It was literally the only thing on my mind the entire time I read it. Thank you! 😊

sorry for the delay!! Here's some alpha Leo, Towa, and Haku helping you through heat! :D in hindsight as I paste this into tumblr and read over what I wrote... Maybe I have a thing for crying? 😭

Sorry for any typos! I had to type this out on my phone bc my laptop is getting fixed :\

UPDATE: edited Sept 18th, 2024 for typos

omega vers here!

WARNING: NSFT under the cut!

Alpha Towa

Oh, he would have 100% be more possessive of you if you were the one going through heat. Don't get me wrong, he would probably love exhibitionism and showing you off when it's his rut, but it's a whole different ball game when you're the one smelling that good and tempting every alpha in vicinity. You won't be leaving Jabberwock under any circumstances until your heat is over. He's the only one who will get to see your fucked-out, crying expression as you fall apart on his dick or fingers from how overwhelmed you are. Never let it be said he left your needs unattended... Put simply, he's clingy (and wants so much cuddles), and even when things are said and done, you can be certain you aren't stepping out of that room until you're smelling exactly like him.

On the flip side, despite having an insane libido to rival an omega in heat (RIP you when he's in rut), during the moments in when he's not absolutely demolishing you with his dick, he's extremely sweet and fusses over you to the point of being overwhelming. If you aren't the happiest Omega on campus, it will be raining that night. He'll be feeding you the sweetest fruits he can find all while trying to cuddle you with his dick still in you if he can get away with it. You have to be careful not to look too fussed over anything or else he will read it as him doing something wrong and try to rectify it in the most excessive way possible.

Alpha Haku

Haku is in many ways the same as if the were an omega. He tries to have restraint, really. He probably takes suppressants for his scent and/or to help control when his rut is. If there's anything he doesn't want, it's to be caught unaware like that. He's also well aware that it's not healthy to repress his body's needs like that though, so what better way to make sure he takes care of that than to knock out your heat and his rut at the same time? Honestly, the amount of self-restraint he can show towards you even then is admirable.

As he waits for his rut to set in, all attention is on you. His hands on your hips trailing down to your legs, tucking himself between them so he can press kisses against the fat of your thighs. It's sweet... until he decides to make a move. He's not the type to be afraid to eat you out and make sure you feel good, and that's absolutely what he does. With both his hand and mouth being put to work, it would be any wonder if you weren't screaming his name and grasping at the sheets or his hair for dear life. Well, for as long as you can get his name out anyway. Despite being ever such the gentleman and prince charming, Haku does so love to see you fall apart for him. The messy look of tears tripping down your face as you sob and gasp for breath... To him, you're gorgeous like that. You're perfect. Beautiful. So good for him.

And well, his self-restraint can only last for so long. Especially with your scent starting to suffocate him as you fall further into your heat, desperation and depravity teasing him until there's nothing else on his mind but to bury himself in you. Rest assured, your thighs will be burning by the time both of you are done with your respective hormones. He'll be railing you in every position the both of you can think of, but especially any ones where he can stare and admire at just how beautiful you are when you're taking him do well.

Alpha Leo

If you're relying on Leo to help you through your heat, rest assured it's going to suck (in the best possible way ofc). Leo is nothing if not a tease, and this isn't going to change just because you're a sad little omega in heat. Asking him to be the one to help you is nothing short of an ego boost for him, because of course you'd come to him. Who else could possibly know how to ruin you like he does, hmm? He'll push and push your limits until you can't take it anymore, and only then will he finally indulge you in what you really need — his knot. Sure, he'll come to your room and lock the door behind him, but you'd be silly to think he would just show up and fuck you.

He's going to sit there and watch you desperately try to take care of yourself in whatever way you can first, whether it's with your fingers or toys. Put on a pretty little show for him if you're so desperate, omega. If you don't have any toys on hand already, don't worry. He'll make sure to bring along anything he wants to see you tormented with. Say "thank you" ❤️

When his own self-control starts to wane, maybe he'll finally deign you worthy of his touch... maybe. He'll look at your teary eyes and make you beg to have his dick in your mouth, even if he clearly wants nothing more than to fuck it himself. If you're good and he's feeling nice, maybe he'll even touch you while he does it too!

Eventually, once you're exhausted and desperate, hair plastered to your face from sweat and tears, he'll give you what you needed from the start. Neither of you will last long by this point, but you'll be damned if the relief doesn't hit hard. And as an added bonus, he'll make sure to have a nice warm bath drawn up for the both of you afterwards. God knows after all that you won't have the energy to walk.

#tokyo debunker #tokyo debunker x reader #leo kurosagi x reader #haku kusanagi x reader #towa otonashi x reader #leo kurosagi #haku kusanagi #towa otonashi #writing.ddz #cw nsft #cw omegaverse #tkdb.ddz

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eldritch-nightmare · 11 months

Text

yandere sully headcanons.

a/n: don't look at me i couldn't help it okay i'll work on requests soon just let me have this. dear god it's been so long since i've written anything i hope i still know what i'm doing uhm i listened to stockholm syndrome by erra on repeat while writing this (i am obsessed w the song okay) so if that influenced it a bit then yeah it's 5am ignore the messiness and typos i just Had to write this in one sitting.

warnings: gn!reader, yandere behavior, obsessive behavior, thoughts of kidnapping, actual kidnapping, thoughts of cannibalism, kinda slight possessive behavior, scopophobia, mentions of restraints, technically a precursor to the yandere sully bot now that i'm looking at this.

He's oh so confused when he first starts feeling things towards you. It's only a brief burst of confusion, only because he's never felt this way for another person before.

Sure, he'd burn the heavens and hells for Liu, and he's pretty buddy-buddy with Eyeless Jack but this? It's new to him.

The confusion doesn't last long, that's for sure. Sully knows exactly what he wants, and he's rather in tune with his emotions so he's able to figure things out quickly.

The intensity of his love certainly surprised him though. The first time he thought 'I want to lock you up and make you mine', he took a step back and was like 'Hey man, that's pretty strange...' but he gets over this pretty quickly, obviously, or we wouldn't be here.

Besides, it's not like he's going to act out on these thoughts, right? I mean, sure, you're the most fascinating person he's ever met but he has restraint. He has a lot of restraint, thank you very much.

Haha... well... about that...

You see, Sully does have a lot of restraint, so he doesn't actually act out on these thoughts and desires for a really long time. He's fine with watching you from afar.

And also because if he did, it could lead to trouble.

He also knows that Liu would be very unhappy with him if he acted out on these desires, and Sully actually really cares about Liu and his boundaries and stuff. Sure, he could totally keep it a secret since they don't share memories and whatnot but still.

So he's content with just watching you from afar and having these thoughts. Shall I provide some examples of the thoughts he has about you?

They'd look so cute chained up and in tears.

God, I just want them to say my name like a prayer.

They're so adorable when they laugh... it makes me want to eat them.

I wonder how they'd react if I took them away from here just so I could keep them all for myself. No one will know where they are except for me... they'd never be able to get rid of me...

Wouldn't it be cute if they realized I want to make them mine? They'd probably run, but that would make things so much more fun.

I honestly think I'll kill anyone who tries taking them from me. They're mine, and I have to protect what's mine.

I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you.

He loves literally anything and everything you do. You could never bore him, even if you try really hard to. He could listen to you talk about some topic he doesn't care for for hours because it's you who's talking.

Honestly, I'm not entirely sure if he'd bother hiding his obsession with you from you. He definitely hides it from Liu, Liu cannot find out, and the others, but I feel like it's so obvious that Sully wants to just devour you.

The way he looks at you certainly sends chills down your spine, and there's something in you telling you to keep your distance, for your own safety.

He doesn't even care to be subtle when he's watching you. You can always feel his gaze on you whenever he's around, it's almost as if you're the only thing he can focus on whenever you're around. It would be kind of cute if it didn't unnerve you so much.

But it's not just that.

It's... the way he looks at you. The... the pure smitten look in his gaze as he watches you do such mundane tasks. The way his gaze always lingers whenever something or someone else needs or wants his attention. His eyes feel like they're going to consume you whole if you look into them. It's only with Sully. You never feel like this when you're around Liu.

He's well aware that you're uncomfortable with his gaze, and he thinks it's adorable how you avoid interacting with him and how you try hiding away from him whenever you're forced to be around him.

God, he could just eat you up.

And it's so hard for him to see you getting along so well with other people. He just wants to pull you away whenever you get too close to someone.

Oh man he's so very casual with all of this as well. You think it's weird and disturbing, he thinks it's romantic and a part of everyday life.

You've thought about mentioning this to Liu a few times but... what could he do? It's not like he can control Sully. Besides, Sully hasn't done anything that makes you feel as if you're in any immediate danger, he just... watches you. And smiles, occasionally, in a way that makes you unnerved to imagine what he could be thinking about.

Well, until now, that is.

What can he say? He has restraint, sure, but even he can't help but give into his desires every once in a while. And this time he just... decided to take you away.

Not while you were awake, of course.

No, he would never let you be awake for something like that. It's also just easier snatching you while you're peacefully asleep, blissfully unaware.

And you're so cute when you're sleeping, did you know that?

He lets out such a dreamy sigh as he watches you sleep on the bed he set you down on. He had brought you deep into the woods, keeping you in a neat little abandoned cabin that he managed to fix up nicely in his spare time.

Only he knew about this place. He didn't share it with Liu. It was his place. And now, yours as well.

Sully thought about restraining you to the bed... he even has a decent-length chain just for that, but...

Not yet.

He knows the chances of you running when you wake up are incredibly high, and honestly? He wants you to run. He'd love to chase you, it'd be fun for him.

You entertain him in ways no person has ever been able to. You make him feel things he's never really thought of or felt before. You're... interesting to him, which really says a lot.

He's never been so intensely interested in something before, let alone someone.

You're just special like that, he supposes, and he can't wait for you to wake up so the real fun can begin.

The only real concern that Sully has is Liu. Liu, bless his heart, would never approve of this. He's too nice, too compassionate. He wouldn't want Sully to keep you captive in a cabin in the middle of the woods. He wouldn't understand.

So, Sully does intend to keep this a secret from Liu. And the others. It's not like they'll suspect him of doing anything.

After all, he's just the guy uninterested in his surroundings, why would he have anything to do with your disappearance?

#sully x reader #sully x you #creepypasta x reader #creepypasta x you #yandere x reader #yandere sully #yandere creepypasta #yandere sully x reader #yandere creepypasta x reader #scheduled.

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iamknicole · 7 months

Text

Chapter Ten

A/N: Two chapters in 24 hrs! Look at me! 😂😂 but enjoy! ⭐Comment, reblog & share!⭐

Warnings: Cursing, strong emotions ahead, typos, 18+ MINORS DNI!

Masterlist

Chapter Nine

Another three days passed with Zilla staying with Bronco. He would sneak to the apartment late at night to grab clothes when he knew Moriah was asleep. Watching her sleep gave him a dull ache in his heart for her. It wasn't fair that Nadine had made so many unjust decisions for them. There was nothing anybody could say to him that would make him ever forgive Nadine. Before he left the apartment, he made sure to fill her work cup with ice and put it in the freezer for her and put snacks in her purse because she always forgot. He was honestly surprised she didn't notice but then again she never did.

Slipping back into Bronco's house, he tried to move as quietly as possible so he didn't wake Bronco's little brother. As he moved towards the living room he heard a soft squeal.

“Aye you good in here?” He called out as he walked through the doorway then quickly turned his back seeing Toni sitting top less in his friend's lap. “Oh shit, my bad, B.”

Bronco laughed wrapping the throw blanket around her. “You good, shoulda been in my room anyway. You got what you need?”

“Yeah, I got it. Nice to see you again, T.” He chuckled with his back still to them.

Toni hit her boyfriend, who was still laughing. “It's not funny, Bronco. Nice to see you too, Zilla. Where were you?”

“You really wanna know or you askin cause it's awkward?”

“Both,” she laughed getting off Bronco's lap, “Answer please.”

He held up his bag for her to see. “Went to get clothes from the apartment.”

“So you saw Rye? Did everything go okay? Well of course it didn't if you're here.” Toni rambled on until Bronco moved to stand behind her and gripped her shoulders. “Huh? Sorry, I'm talking too much. I'm just worried.”

“Ain't no need to worry. He ain't wake her, she don't know he been there.”

Securing the throw blanket around her torso, Toni moved closer to the younger man and turned him around to face her.

“It's been damn near a week, Zilla. How long are you gonna do this? She already thinks you hate her, this is not helping.”

“That's what I been tryna tell him,” Bronco added, making Zilla suck his teeth.

“Fat know I don't hate her. I text her. We good, T.”

“That might work with Bronco but that does not work with me,” she fussed. “She doesn't know that because besides you texting her that you love her, you don't say anything else to her and you're not at home.”

He huffed shifting his weight from foot to foot. “Listen, I appreciate you being there for Fat and all that but we straight. I got it.”

“You got it? Yeah, okay. I understand that you're hurting and processing right now but you're literally doing exactly what her mom said you would do. You left her by herself, Zilla. She's alone every day and every night while you're here with your friend every night.”

Toni pushed past him, going to Bronco's bedroom careful not to slam the door.

“Damn, she kinda feisty,” Bronco chuckled, “But you know she's right. You can't keep runnin, bruh. You gotta talk to her at some point. Good night, man.”

Getting back to the guest room, Zilla got situated for the night and responded to a few texts he had. Jon had invited him and Moriah to the house for a cookout, even though he told him no the first time Jon continued to ask until Zilla gave in. As they were talking a facetime call from Arthur came through. He debated on answering for a few moments before ultimately answering.

“Damn you wasn't gon answer the phone?”

“I was gettin in the bed. What's up?”

Arthur knew his little brother well. He could fool their other brothers and occasionally their mother but it was very rare that he could get past Arthur.

“You tell me. What's going on with you?”

“Nun, wrestlemania season so it's busy.”

“Now that you got ya lie out ya system, let's try the truth, Isayah. You know whatever you tell me don't go no further.”

Zilla couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped him, it was dipped in sarcasm. “Oh trust me, I know you can keep a secret.”

Arthur's face scrunched up, giving his brother a confused look. “It's obviously something you wanna say so say it. Get it off ya chest.”

“Why you ain't tell me?” He asked after a minute.

“Tell you what?”

“About Angel. You knew and ain't say shit.”

Arthur sighed, wiping his free hand down his face. “This ain't what you wanna hear but that wasn't my place to tell you, Isayah. It wasn't my business to tell. That was for Moriah to tell you.”

Zilla rolled his eyes. “Okay so why not tell her to tell me before?”

“Do you think she wanted to hold this shit in this long? No, she didn't. She wanted to tell you but she been terrified to tell you since the moment that test came back positive.”

“I hear you.”

“If you're acting this way with me then I can only imagine how you acting with her about this.” Arthur paused to gather his thoughts. “That's why y'all ain't been answering our calls. She told you and you lost your shit, didn't you?”

He sucked his teeth hard. “I ain't lose shit. She told me and I left.”

“The hell you mean you left? You left the room? That's what you better mean.”

“Left the apartment. I needed to get away from the whole thing before I took it out on her.”

“You got air then what?”

“That's it. I ain't been back since and before you start I'm not tryna hear shit about it.”

Arthur chuckled under his breath. “I don't care what you don't wanna hear. It's fine for you to want space after hearing that but running from it won't change it. You do know that, right?”

“I know that, Arthur.”

“I know that look on your face so tryna say anything else to you is pointless right now so ima go. You call or text me when you wanna talk.”

Before Zilla could say anything else, Arthur disconnected the call. He could add another person to the list that felt his anger that didn't deserve it. The whole situation with Angel was eating at him, the person he wanted to take his anger out on was nowhere near and he wasn't calling her. Not yet at least.

Zilla

12:45am

Remember u said if I ain't find 1, u would fine 1 fa me?

Aunt Kami

12:45am

Yup.

Zilla

12:46am

I ain't find 1

Aunt Kami

12:48am

Gotcha. I'll let you know when your appointment is.

Zilla

12:49am

Thank u. I owe u

Aunt Kami

12:50am

No you don't. Is everything okay?

Zilla stared at the text trying to figure out how he wanted to answer. He knew Moriah is the closest to her Aunt Kami and her Aunt Gabi but he wanted her to have control of how much she wanted them to know.

Zilla

12:55am

Not really but ion wanna talk about it.

Aunt Kami

12:56am

That's perfectly fine, Zilla. But if you do, you know I'm here. Go to sleep, love yall

Zilla

12:56am

Love you 2

Getting out of bed was hard for Moriah and going to work was even harder. Having to act like everything was okay especially in front of Thomas so he didn't raise suspicion to her mother was tiring. Zilla buying her a car made it a little easier since he hasn't picked her up from work since. Even though Thomas worked her nerves, the kids on the pediatric floor gave her a little joy.

Entering her five year old patient's room, Moriah got sanitizer and approached the bed with a smile. She greeted her parents softly then laughed seeing her patient faking sleep.

“Nia's sleeping? I thought she was up.”

The mother smiled, her eyes crinkled in the corners. “Thought so too. Guess she fell asleep.”

“Well I guess I have to give this pop it game to my other patient then,” Moriah playfully started to walk backwards.

Nia's eyes popped open followed by her giggles. She reached her hands out. “Noooo! I'm awake! I'm awake!”

Her parents and Moriah laughed along with her. She approached the bed again, taking the game from her pocket to give to the five year old.

“The gopher game! You found it!”

“I did, I told you I would. I got you, girl.”

“Thank you! Thank you!”

Moriah started to check her vitals. “You're so welcome, friend. I talked to Dr. Harris and he told me that you can take it with you to pre-op while you wait.”

“Yes!” She squealed excitedly.

“And when you come out of surgery, what would you like to eat?”

“Anything?”

Moriah winked at her. “Anything, friend.”

“Spaghetti and meatballs!”

“You're gonna turn into a meatball, Nia.” The dad joked.

Moriah finished up and went to grab more sanitizer. “Spaghetti and meatballs it is, friend. Mom and Dad, Dr. Harris and another nurse will be in shortly to talk to you a little more about her surgery then take her to pre-op.”

The mother stood quickly. “Wait, aren't you going to surgery with her?”

“Well, no ma'am. I'm sorry.”

“Could you?” She asked, grabbing Moriah's hand. “Please. It would make us and her feel much better if you did. You've been so good to us the last few days, she just adores you.”

Moriah rolled the thought around in her head. “I'll check with the team and make sure it's okay. Alright?”

Leaving the room, Moriah walked around the floor looking for Dr. Harris. She found the slender, salt and pepper African American man engulfed in a conversation with Thomas. The sight of him repulsed her but she pushed it aside for her patient.

“I'm sorry to interrupt, Dr. Harris. I wanted to run something by you about Nia Whitfield's surgery.” Her eyes shifted momentarily to Thomas. “In private.”

Dr. Harris smiled, he was always a jovial man. It's why the kids in the pediatric floor loved him.

“Of course, Nurse DeBreaux. And it's okay if Gardner stays, he's going to be in surgery with me shadowing.”

It took every bit of willpower for Moriah not to roll her eyes at that.

“Isn't that … great. Nia and her parents would feel more comfortable if I went into surgery with her. I know you had another nurse scheduled with you and I understand if we can't change it but I wanted to try.”

Dr. Harris waved his hand dismissively. “Never be fretful to ask to switch in my surgeries. I want my patients and families to be as comfortable as possible,” he explained. “If they want you then they got you. I'll meet you at her room in fifteen minutes.”

With that, he walked off towards his office she presumed leaving her with Thomas. He stepped closer, she took two steps back and held her hand out to stop him.

“Stay out of my personal space, Thomas.”

“Our first surgery together. Aren't you excited, Moriah?” He asked, smiling from ear to ear.

“Not at all. You need to focus on not messing up in there instead of on me.”

He shrugged. “It's just a hernia removal. Piece of cake. In and out in an hour tops.”

She rolled her eyes.

“You heard what I said.”

“How's your boy? One of my patients had the show on last night, he's not bad.”

Moriah turned to walk away from him, mumbling to herself. Getting transferred back to the emergency department wasn't happening quick enough for her. Between the rift with her and Zilla and Thomas always in her face at work, she was more than tired.

Hassan pulled up to the house he knew Tamera would be showing in the next couple of hours, parking discreetly behind hers. He grabbed the flowers he had gotten her before jumping out and heading for the porch. The door was open, he knocked on the door frame as he entered. He didn't have to wait long for Tamera to come out, her heels clicking against the impressive marble flooring. Her smile grew wider seeing Hassan.

“What are you doing here, Hassan?”

He gave her the flowers then kissed her cheek. “I was in the neighborhood and decided to stop by. Happy to see me?”

His heart swelled as he watched inhale the flower's scent excitedly.

“Yes of course I'm happy to see you. But in the neighborhood, sir?” She laughed. “You live forty five minutes from here.”

He pulled her into a tight hug. “Not the point. You mentioned you didn't have flowers for the house today so here I am.”

“Thank you,” she grabbed his hand, pulling him with her through the house to the kitchen. “I'll put them in a case. They're very beautiful, Hassan.”

“Just like you.”

Their eyes met, her eyes flickered with a very familiar flame that Hassan acted like he didn't see. The flame in her eyes was the same flame that burned inside of him but he wanted to make sure she knew what she was getting into with him. Gabi and Moriah would say that he was stalling but he hadn't and didn't plan on asking them.

“You are slicker than can of oil, Mr. DeBreaux.”

“And you, Ms. Jefferson, are sweeter than honey.”

Tamera checked her watch then glanced back at Hassan, a smile rose to his face again.

“Two hours until your appointment, Tamera.”

She hummed, filling a vase with water. “Guess we better put those two hours to good use then.”

His phone rang interrupting their stare down. Seeing his ex-wife's name made him internally groan but he excused himself and stepped out of the sliding door to the backyard.

“How can I help you, Nadine?”

“Am I interrupting you or something? You sound irritated.”

He chuckled. “You know I don't enjoy talking to you, Didi. What is it?”

“Well that's rude, Hassan. I was just calling to check on Moriah. Apparently she's blocked my number.”

“You say that like it's a surprise. She meant it when she said she was done.”

Nadine scoffed into the phone. “Anyway, how's my baby? Have you talked to her today? I heard she's going into her first surgery today.”

Hassan took the phone away from his ear to stare at it for a moment. “No, I haven't talked to her today but she's fine. How the hell did you hear that?”

“I have my ways. Later on, you need to call and ask her about it. And tell her to call me, this is something we need to talk about.”

He took a few deep breaths to calm his nerves. “I'm not telling her anything, she'll call if she wants. Whatever person you got keeping tabs on her at that hospital needs to stop.” He spat harshly.

“If you think I'm gonna just stop looking out for my baby because she's upset with me right now then you're sadly mistaken,” Nadine fussed. “This isn't the first time, she'll get over it. She got over that damn baby, didn't she? Exactly so she'll be fine.”

“That damn baby was your grandson, Nadine! He was a part of you and you took his life! You took him, you traumatized our daughter, who is also a part of you and you act like it was nothing!”

“Oooh,” she cackled, “I struck a nerve if Hassan is yelling. Not cool, calm and collected Hassan getting out of character over that bastard baby.”

“You would stoop so low and hurt our daughter because you're pissed at me? You're pissed at me for something that didn't have to change anything about our lives, Nadine.”

Laughing, she mocked him, not bothering to give him an actual response.

“What if she would've hurt herself? What then?”

“Oh please that girl is weak but she's not that weak. She would never.”

He chuckled bitterly. “Because you know her so well, right? Nadine, stop trying to hurt my daughter. Leave her alone, let her be and let her live her life.”

“Your daughter?” She snorted.

“Yes, my daughter.”

“Goodbye, Hassan.”

The urge to chuck his phone into the pool a few feet away from him was strong. Instead he stuffed it in his pocket and took slow, deep breaths to calm himself down. No one could make him as angry as his ex-wife and he hated it. Some would say it was because he was still in love with her and reached to be her but they didn't know him. He hated who his ex-wife became right before and after their divorce, he didn't know her. Feeling hands on his back, he jumped a little then relaxed remembering he was there with Tamera.

“Didn't mean to scare you. Just wanted to check on you. You looked stressed.”

He wiped a hand down his face. “I'm sorry about that, it was my ex-wife. I'm alright though.”

She gave him a small smile, taking his hands in hers.”You don't have to be sorry, I understand about exes. We can talk about it, if you want. Or not talk.”

“Not talking sounds good,” he smiled.

Bronco and Zilla sat on the floor in front of one of the practice rings with a few of their peers listening to Booker and Regal talk to them. Since their interaction after the run in with Thomas, Zilla and Booker hadn't said much to each other if it wasn't work related.

“Getting TV time doesn't mean you stop practicing and working hard to get better,” Regal informed looking at each of them. “The goal is to stay on TV. Right?”

The group acknowledged him with an answer.

“So if you all know then why are we here right now?”

Silence.

Booker ran a hand over his locs, stepping in to add his own thoughts. “It's great that yall go to promo class, it's great that you're getting TV time but what's not great is yall either half assing it during drills and practice or not showing up at all.”

Zilla honestly didn't understand why he had to be in this conversation. He went to practice, he went to class and he did his thing on TV. With everything he had in his plate, the lady thing he wanted or needed was to be chastised about something he wasn't doing. The whole time Booker spoke, he rolled his eyes and scrunched his face up which didn't go unnoticed by the older man.

“Is there a problem, Zilla?”

He sucked his teeth. “Nah, mane. Go head.”

“You sure? Cause the eye rolling and facial expressions is telling me something different.”

Again, he sucked his teeth. “Man, go head. I ain't say nothing, did I?”

“This is something I need everybody to understand right now. Don't take me for no sucka, I don't disrespect any of you so don't disrespect me,” he moved closer to Zilla as he spoke until he was in front of him and snatched the younger man up from the floor, ripping his shirt in the process. “Cause if you wanna get disrespectful, I can show you how I handle disrespect. Is that understood?”

The two men stood nose to nose with no intentions of backing down. Zilla's chest puffed out from his heavy breathing, his jaw tight and his eyes burned. Booker maintained eye contact with him, seeing the tears in his eyes. Bronco watched the interaction wanting to step in but he knew it wasn't his place and he knew his friend needed it.

“I asked a question. Is it understood?”

Zilla scrunched his face to keep his tears at bay and choked out a ‘yeah’. Booker turned him around and pushed him gently towards the door, letting Regal know they'd be back. He guided the younger man to his office, closing the door behind them, then went to sit on the corner of his desk as Zilla dropped into one of his chairs.

“Let it out, man.”

Zilla choked back a sob, wiping angrily at his eyes. “I'm good.”

“You ain't. Ain't no way you are. I looked into your eyes, man. You're not good.” Booker said softly.

“I am. My bad for what happened.”

“I accept your apology but man it's okay to not be okay. Is everything okay with you and Rye? Or is this about your dad?”

Pulling up the end of his now ripped shirt, Zilla wiped his face with it. He cried softly, unable to hold it in anymore.

“Both,” he mumbled beneath the fabric of the shirt. “This shit is hard, man.”

“I know it's hard, I know it is but turning on the people trying to help you won't make it any easier, Isayah. Your people love you,” Booker explained, moving to kneel in front of the younger man. “Lean on the people that love you instead of leaning away. I know it's hard to be vulnerable but sometimes it's necessary. Alright?”

Zilla nodded, pulling the shirt from his face. “Aight.”

With a smile, Booker stood then pulled Zilla up and into a hug. “Go change your shirt and come back to practice. But understand I meant what I said, I'll put you right on your ass if you do that again.”

Zilla chuckled and agreed.

They left the office going in opposite directions, Booker back to the practice rings and Zilla to the locker room to change shirts. On his way, he went ahead and pulled the ripped shirt off, stuffing part of it into the front of his doors, letting it hang.

“Hey, Zilla!”

Not stopping his stride, Zilla threw his hand up at Gia. “What's up?”

She jogged a little to catch up with him. “Damn you walk fast. Why you in such a hurry?”

“Gotta get back to practice.”

“Your face is red,” she observed stepping in front of him to stop him, “Are you okay? You wanna talk?”

“I'm good, just hot,” he lied, wanting to get away from her. “Ain't nothin to talk about.”

“I feel like you're lying. You can talk to me, Zilla. I'm a good listener.” She smiled, rubbing her hand up and down his bare arm.

He moved her hand off of him, placing it back at her side. “Like I said, I'm good and if I'm not, I talk to my lady or my mama.”

“That girl of yours must have you on a short leash,” she joked. “I mean I can't blame her, I'd wanna hold on to you too.”

He scrunched his face. “I ain't on a leash. I respect my lady and our relationship.”

“Sorry, sorry. I'm just saying every time I talk to you, she comes up. I know she's there, you don't have to worry I'm not gonna try anything. I can appreciate a good looking man and be respectful.”

Shaking his head, Zilla moved around her and went to the locker room. After he changed his shirt, he checked his phone to see if he had any notifications.

Aunt Kami

9:33am

Saturday @ 10am. I'll send the location. You can take Rye if you want.

Zilla smiled a little at the message.

Zilla

1:15pm

My bad, been workin. Thank u, Auntie!!!!

He exited their thread then went into Moriah's. His smile grew a little wider.

Moriah

11:30am

Just wanted to let you know that I'm going into my first surgery in 30 minutes! It's a short one, not more than a hour but I'm so nervous and excited!

Zilla

1:20pm

I'M SO DAMN PROUD OF YOU, FAT!! I know u did amazing, baby. I love u

Zilla tucked his phone away and locked his things back up before he left the locker room. He opted to run back in order to avoid Gia, in case she was lurking around.

After surgery, Moriah stayed with Nia long enough for her to wake up so she knew Moriah had been there the whole time. When her parents came in, she slipped out to go grab the food she had delivered for the young girl. She sat it up in Nia's room with Toni's help.

“You need to get your man to go on back home.”

Moriah chuckled softly. “If I could, I would, Toni. What happened?”

“He walked in on us last night. Interrupted my moment.”

Moriah laughed, taking a peek at her friend's face. “A moment that you swore wasn't gonna happen because yall are just friends?”

“That is not the point, ma'am. The point is, it was interrupted.”

“I got more than a I love you today so maybe he'll be back soon,” Moriah shrugged, putting the parents’ food to the side. ��Tell me about it though. Did you finally get some? Cause if you did, I'm gonna need him to try again you still mean.”

Toni wadded up a napkin and threw it at her friend. “I am not mean. No, we didn't. After that lil run in, the mood was killed.”

“Damn, I'm sorry. Try again tonight, at your place.”

“We can't leave his brother by himself, Rye.”

Moriah thought for a moment. “He can spend the night with me. I could use the company and I'll take him to school on my way to work tomorrow.”

“Sounds like a plan. Two birds with one stone. I'll let Bronco know.”

Before Moriah left the hospital, she stopped by Nia's room to check on her and to let her know that she would see her in the morning. She stopped by the store to get something to cook for dinner and snacks for him before she went home. She texted Toni to let her know that they could drop him off whenever they were ready.

A facetime call interrupted her music as she cooked. She answered it quickly, seeing Arthur's name.

“My favorite!” She said excitedly.

“Hey, sweetheart. How you doing?”

She propped her phone up so they could see each other while she cooked. “I'm alright, Art. How are you?”

“I'm okay. Worried about you though.”

She smiled briefly at him. “I'm okay, no need to worry about me.”

“If you lie to me, I can't help, Rye.”

Setting her tongs to the side, she leaned against the counter behind her and stared at the phone.

“I'll be okay, Art. It'll be okay. I promise.”

“I talked to him. He told me you told him about Angel and he left. Why you didn't call me, manamea?”

She shrugged. “I didn't think he would be gone this long. I thought he would've come back the next day and when he didn't … I don't know. I just didn't wanna talk. He's so mad.”

“He's mad, he's hurt, he's angry but not with you. I don't know if he bit your head off but he tried to bite mine off,” Arthur chuckled, “But he knows it's misplaced anger. He knows.”

“Yeah,” she said softly, wiping her eyes. “It's been a week but he's texting back now at least.”

Arthur wished he could teach through the phone and hug her because he knew she needed one. This is what she had been terrified of all these years and it was happening.

“What did he do when you told him?”

“He asked questions, he would barely look at me. He yelled at me but he apologized right after. I was frustrating him.”

“Frustrating him?”

“He asked me what happened to Angel and where he was and I was telling him that I didn't wanna tell him.”

Arthur sat quietly for a moment, he wanted to say that his little brother shouldn't have done that but given the situation and the emotions in that moment, he could understand it.

“You weren't frustrating him, the situation was, Rye. Do you want me to come out there? I can clear my schedule for yall.”

She shook her head moving back to the stove. “No you don't gotta do that. We'll figure it out.”

“I hate this for yall but I'm proud of you for telling him, Rye. And I know you're glad you were able to tell him before Nadine did.”

The doorbell going off interrupted their conversation, she let him know that she would call him later and went to get the door. She smiled seeing Javier standing there with his bookbag and overnight bag. She hugged him then invited him in, she took his bags sitting them beside the sofa.

“I'm so glad you're here Javi. Dinner is almost ready. You didn't eat yet, right?”

“No ma'am, my brother told me you were cooking. Thank you for having me.”

She cooed, going to pinch his cheeks. “Awwe, you're so polite. You can call me Rye, okay? You don't have to say ma'am, I'm not that old yet.”

He laughed going to sit on the sofa. Moriah went to close the door but was stopped by a hand. She panicked for a second then noticed the ‘630” tattoo and breathed a sigh of relief as she opened the door back for him. They locked eyes as he stepped inside, pushing the door closed with his hand.

“Hi,” she greeted softly.

He greeted her just as softly. “What's up, Fat?”

She wanted to hug him but she honestly didn't know if she should or could so she played with her fingers to keep from touching him.

“I'm gonna go finish dinner.”

He nodded. “Ima shower real quick. You need anything before I get in?”

She shook her head.

“You sure before I get in?”

She smiled a little at the familiarity. “I'm sure, Zay.”

Again, he nodded then turned his attention to Javier. “Aight, Javi, make sure she don't burn our food, man.”

The trio sat on the sofa eating dinner and watching one of the John Wick movies. Moriah sat between them, trying to ignore her boyfriend's eyes constantly staring a hole into the side of her face. He would look away long enough to take bites of his food and catch a scene or two but that was it. At least she knew he'd missed her as much as she'd missed him. When they were all done, Moriah took their dishes to the kitchen and cleaned up while Zilla showed Javier how the shower worked and set up his blanket and pillows on the sofa. He was done before Moriah so he went to lean against the breakfast bar to watch her.

“How did the surgery go?”

She jumped and squealed, turning to face him. “Dammit, Zay. I forgot you were here.”

“My bad,” he chuckled.

“It's alright. It went really good. It was a hernia removal on a 5 year old.”

He frowned. “How does a 5 year old get a hernia?”

“When their intestines bulge through the abdominal wall inside the belly button they can develop one.”

“That sound painful. How was it seeing it?”

Moriah smiled as she wiped down the counter. “It was really cool honestly. It was crazy to see how big it was. She was a trooper though.”

“Yeah? She went home today?”

“Uhn uhn. She'll be there two more days and she's excited about it cause she doesn't wanna leave me.”

He chucked. “I bet you love that.”

“A lil,” she laughed.

He let her finish her cleaning in silence, keeping his eyes on her. Javier came back out to the living room and got comfortable on the sofa, remote in hand.

“You got your alarm set, Javi?”

“Yup, all set, Rye.”

“Your phone on the charger?”

He sat up to check it. “Yup, it's good. Can I watch TV?”

“Sure,” she smiled, “If you want a snack or drink, you're welcome to whatever is in the kitchen, Javi.”

He grinned at her before turning his attention to the TV. “Thank you.”

Zilla approached Moriah, speaking softly. “Can we talk outside, Fat?” When she agreed, he grabbed her hand. “We gon step outside for a few, Javi. Yell if you need us.”

They sat beside each other on the first step, shoulder to shoulder. The night breeze gently whipped around them.

“First, let me apologize for walkin’ out like that and not lettin’ you know I was aight. No matter how upset I was, that wasn't right.”

“I accept your apology, Zay.”

“Second, I don't hate you and I'm not mad at you so get that thought out your head. You my Fat and I love you.”

She nodded, blinking a few tears out. “I love you too.”

“I can't imagine how scared you was that whole time and the pain that must've caused. You needed me and I wasn't there, I'm sorry, Moriah.”

She laid her head on his shoulder, crying softly. She wanted to tell him that he didn't need to apologize but she needed to hear that.

“Thank you for apologizing. I gotta be honest, a part of the reason I was so mad at you and refused to come see you was because of Angel.” She admitted softly. “I knew that my mom would've probably still did what she did if you weren't locked up but I wanted you there. I needed you, Angel needed you and you left us.”

His face scrunched as he tried and failed to keep his tears at bay. They betrayed him, slipping from his eyes in rapid succession. He moved the arm she laid on, wrapping it around her and pulling her closer to him.

“I regret not being there for you and him, it's something ima spend the rest of my life tryna make up for. I appreciate you been honest with me, Fat. I gotta be honest with you too.”

“I'm listening.”

“I love you and I don't wanna lose you but if you let your mom back in your life, I can't promise that ima stay. My love for you is the only thing keepin me from doin anything to her. I can't have her in my life, Moriah.” He spoke honestly. “She took our baby from us and probably any possibility of having another. She took what would've been a piece of my pops from me and my family. Do you get that?”

“I got it, Zay. I do.”

“That's the only thing I'm asking of you. Keep her out of our lives. She don't want shit but to tear us down and tear us apart. You got me, my family, your dad and the rest of your family … you don't need shit from her.”

“I'm done with her. She's not coming back unless you and I decide that she can. I've washed my hands of her. I promise.”

Nodding, he put his finger under her chin tilting her head back. He wiped the lingering tears from her face then kissed her softly.

“I love you, aight?”

“Aight,” she giggled softly. “I love you more.”

“Damn I missed you.”

“Not as much as I missed you, big head.”

“Two more things though.”

She raised a brow waiting for him to finish.

“We changing your number tomorrow.”

“Okay, second thing?”

“Since Zilla can't get you pregnant right now, can Zilla throw his condoms out?” He laughed.

“Boy,” she laughed, “They're tied not burnt but I guess you can throw them out.”

“What that mean?”

“It means that there's a small chance that I can get pregnant but very small. And if we want I can reverse the procedure but it's not guaranteed to work.”

Zilla pecked her lips a few times making her giggle. “Well guess we gon find out how small that chance is.”

#aao #Zilla & Moriah #zilla fatu #the samoan dynasty #the bloodline

62 notes · View notes

ceilidho · 8 months

Note

Sorry to dump this here, but no one in my immediate and/or accessible circle reads as much as I do and this conversation came up at the right time.

I don't read a lot of romance and I started reading some popular ones last year to ease my way into it. I feel like such a snob to say this, but the plot and writing are never fully fleshed out nor are the characters. None of the romantic actions I see people swoon over are ever explained well enough for me to understand the hype. A scene in which there should be an emotional inner monologue is shorted to a paragraph and if the character is toxic (I understand a lot of people enjoy toxic/dark men, but romance books never write them well enough) and destroys the other character's life/says a relationship-ending lie/any other cliche, there is never enough explanation, justification, groveling, or any thought process behind the reconciliation.

It's always just one half-written and half-baked trope after the other.

Again, apologies for dumping it here, but I think there are such damning consequences for women (the main demographic of romance readers) who read things like this and don't give constructive criticism or thought when facing these problems.

no but you're 100% right. i mean, this is one annoying bitch's opinion (mine LMAO) but trad publishing is in the absolute pits right now. that's not to say that there aren't still some good books coming out because of course, every now and then you're going to get a gem. but i think the environment has become outwardly hostile to good writing.

i mean, i know this has been discussed a ton, but the "fast fashionization" of books has become a huge problem. every time there's a new microtrend or whatever, every author rushes to push out a book to meet the demand (see: the hockey romance trend). this, obviously, means that the editing time is severely compressed and you get books published by like harper collins and penguin with typos, grammar issues, and more.

i got some flack for this when i posted about it on twitter ahah but i honestly do not understand why the sequel to "fourth wing" came out so soon (not even getting into the messy qualities of the first book). sequels used to take a year or more to come out to allow for the book to go through several rounds of editing and fine tuning! what happened??!!

i think authors now feel compelled to get their books out as soon as possible out of fear that booktok/readers will simply move on after the initial hype and they'll lose their reader base. there's like an anxiety about being left behind in the current publishing world.

this is kind of in line with what i was talking about the other day with Bo actually - writing romance and smut is actually way harder than people think. you can't just use the same 5 recycled porn dialogue lines and call it a day. you have to care a little about the story you're trying to tell, not just churning it out to make a buck or to make people pay attention to you. i'm not saying belabour every single action and decision made by your main character or go crazy on description (i still think the sweet spot for a published book is between 250-300 pages, and maybe more if you're writing a genre specific book that involves a lot of worldbuilding), but as a writer you need to want to be writing that book in the first place.

no one who's legitimately excited about what they're writing is going to resort to cliches and overused tropes - they might lean on tropes they like, but there's inevitably going to be something original and exciting there.

also my lil controversial opinion about the state of trad publishing lately is that i think it's 100% influenced by this weird pervasive strain of purity culture that's on booktok where people feel like any enjoyment they get from reading a particular thing has a direct reflection on them as a person and their values. rather than it just being a book.

(by the way i actually completely agree with you that even dark romances are as bad as everything else we've been talking about - that's another conversation lol. i also kind of agree with the idea of more romance books coming with content warnings on the front page - this hasn't really caught on yet except with some dark romance authors but i think it's a really good idea)

i don't think there's anything wrong about people getting excited about books on tiktok and instagram and youtube btw. i think it's a fun way to share recommendations, commentary, and interests. what i think is the big problem is that the publishing industry has almost become beholden to trends and online perception because they've seen how much profit they can generate by catering to it, and i think that's why books now just feel bland and soulless. they're tapping into a FOMO on both the authors' and writers' side, of either being left behind and not being able to make a living, or missing out on what everyone else is reading and talking about.

#today is the day that i cannot stfu apparently

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laylasmoonchild · 1 year

Text

“Are You Okay?”

Sam Kiszka × Reader NSFW 18+

Author's Note:

I have no idea what l'm doing or what possessed me to write this... That's partially a lie- There's no Sam Fics out there, and this is compiled of some requests l've had/Requests l've seen on other blogs. This is loosely inspired by Daisy Jones & The Six (The Amazon series, not the book, the book was better though hehe), Basically when Camilla was seeking out attention during a rough patch with Billy. I'm Layla, let me know what ya think, or don't. Just be nice! Sorry if there's typos, this took me hours to write on 2 separate nights, l'm not an amazing writer, just out here trying new things!

Summary:

Sammy's girlfriend (Y/N) is under the impression he is cheating on her and not only gets drunk to mask her feelings, but seeks comfort in Jake... Yup, it's messy, folks. Also, there's sex, read the warnings!

WARNINGS:

Angst, Topics of Cheating, Arguing W/ a S.O., NSFW, Sex, Spit Kink (this is a common request on Sammy blogs, if you're not into it, close your eyes or keep it pushing! my page is a no judge zone!), Unprotected Sex (Wrap it up, or don't, it’s not my business… prob wrap it up though.)

Word Count: 7,149

——————————————————————————

I was looking out the window of the plane that was taking me to God knows where. All I knew was that I was on my way to the love of my life.

Sam’s been on tour for a few months, and honestly, I’ve been starting to feel a distance. I’m assuming it’s more on my end, I’m working a high stress job while trying to make my art my main one. Sam’s understanding of it and I think it’s time I show him just how much I appreciate that of him.

As the plane is landing, I start to write out a text to Jake, who’s going through a major rough patch with his girlfriend. Sam mentioned they were on a break, but I won’t pry, I just want to tell him to let Sam know that I’ll be at the hotel in about an hour…

“Hey! Could you let Sam know I decided on taking an uber? I think his phone’s dead, I’ll be at the hotel in an hour!”

“I haven’t seen him since last night, but I’m sure I’ll run into him, be careful, sweet girl…♥️”

Sweet girl… Jake’s nickname for me since we first met… He always said I was too sweet for Sam.

As I gathered my bags from baggage claim and made my way outside to my Uber, I started thinking about how Jake mentioned he hasn’t seen Sam since last night… I never think about Sam’s whereabouts, I know most girls would be itching to know what their traveling, rockstar boyfriend was up to, but he’s never given me an inkling of a feeling that the rumors about guys on the road and his past were true. And I was far too busy career wise to think into those thoughts.

But I’d be lying if I said the reason I was tapping my foot in the backseat of this Uber wasn’t because I was starting to believe it.

————————————————————————

I got the keycard from concierge and made my way to Sam’s room. For some reason, I couldn’t stop thinking that the distance I’ve noticed wasn’t just me, and maybe he wasn’t as trustworthy as I thought…

I shook away my thoughts while the elevator chimed it’s arrival on his floor. I walked out, luggage trailing behind me, and anxiously speed walking to his door. Suddenly I was picturing the scene behind that door. A Penny Lane wannabe enthralled with him between the sheets, while he tells her I’m the last thing on his mind. What was wrong with me? I knocked on it, holding my breath.

I heard rustling behind the door, and feet lazily lugging themselves across the floor. It swung open, and there he was.

“Hey,” He pulled me in for a half hug, out of breath, hair a mess. He smelled like the floor of a dive bar.

“Hi, baby” I entered the room, it was in decent condition considering he’s been here for at least two nights.

“Room looks clean…” I huffed as I released my bag from my hand in the small walkway.

Sam looked around, yawning a bit while running his hand through his tendrils.

“Yeah, I guess- Haven’t really slept in here.”

I tried to ignore the pit in my stomach, telling myself not to read into it as I kicked my shoes off.

“Crashed at Danny’s or something?” I asked, trying to remind myself that he has 3 other rooms to end up in if he pleases…

I tried to look for his eyes as he sat on the foot of the bed. He looked guilty. This wasn’t in my head anymore. Suddenly my extremities went cold.

“Sam?” I said, firmer than usual. My chest was rising and falling at this point.

“What?” He practically spat at me. He looked at me like he’d been found out. His eyes blinking with a dullness behind them that felt inhuman.

“Sam… Where were you last night?”

“Y/N…” He held his face in his hands, rubbing his eyes.

“Sam. Answer me.” I felt tears beginning to sting my eyes.

“Y/N, I was at Danny’s, okay?” He stood up now with his arms open in defense.

“Look, I’m hung over, I really don’t want to be questioned by my girlfriend right now.” He walked past me to make it to the bathroom. As I turned to watch him slam the door.

Sam was the most attentive man in my life. Never leaving me when I’m upset, always letting me cry it out to him and absorbing every word I had to say.

Instead, he started the shower.

A few tears made their way out as I unpacked my outfit for tonight, feeling stupid as I pulled out each piece that I was so excited to wear for him. A cream colored, see through, lace dress with a slit up the leg, dark brown cowboy boots and a dark brown slip to wear underneath it.

I continued laying everything out when I saw something peeking out from underneath the duvet. Assuming it was one of Sam’s shirts, I pulled it, with the intention of folding it and placing it to the side. Except it wasn’t his shirt. It was distinctively a woman’s blouse. Orange chiffon, staring back at me. I stared back at it in my hands for a second. Hoping it would disappear from my hands and maybe I would wake up from a dream. Suddenly, I had no tears, my throat was too dry to speak.

He stepped out of the bathroom in a towel and I shoved the damned piece of fabric into my luggage. His eyes were softer now.

“Love,” he called out softly.

I nodded, eye’s fixated on his. He walked towards me, he took my waist into his hands and pulled me close to him.

He brought one hand to the valley between my jaw and neck, resting his thumb on my cheek.

“Y/N, I love you, I just had a rough night. I’m so happy you’re here, I’m sorry okay?” He looked me dead in my eyes, and something about that made my stomach turn. He’s lying to me, while looking into my eyes.

“Okay.” Was all I could manage. I felt a sense of serenity, or extreme numbness. He looked puzzled, looking for the rest of what I could say on my face.

“You love me, right?” Sam said, matching the hand that was on my waist to the one on my face.

“Of course,” I smiled, insincerely. “I have to shower now.” I motioned my head towards the bathroom door.

He leaned into kiss me, I moved my head slightly to where he could only kiss the corner of my mouth.

“I feel gross from the plane, sorry.” I said acting like everything was fine. He nodded and let me go.

————————————————————————

After my shower, I immediately started getting ready. It was all so robotic.

Sam knocked on the door to let me know he’d be going to the venue for soundcheck, which he’d been late for. I put my hairdryer on to drown him out mid speech. I heard the hotel door shut, and my phone lit up on the counter.

“Baby doll I left for soundcheck, I don’t know if you heard me♥️ See me before the show like you do?”

I “thumbs’d up” his text and continued my hair and makeup.

While doing my makeup, I suddenly felt thirsty. I opted for every alcoholic nip in the mini fridge.

————————————————————————

I finished getting ready and Ubered to the venue. I drunkenly vowed to myself that Sam will not make a fool out of me. If he was going to realize what I was being short about, it will be on MY terms. Not his, and most certainly not on my emotion’s terms. The alcohol has numbed every emotion, and I was thanking the heavens for that.

While I got into the building and was escorted backstage, all I could think about was another drink.

Entering the green room, I made a beeline for the bar cart while everyone mingled and were making the last touches to their outfits. Danny, Sam and Josh were gathered around the tour manager while Jake was off to the side, looking rather uninterested.

I poured myself a drink and sent my happy-fake smiles to the tour crew as they passed by, cheerful to see me. As I sipped my concoction of liquor, I began to feel disgusted with them too, knowing they could smile at me while they probably know of Sam’s girl on the side and smiled the same way at her.

I felt a tap on my shoulder, as I turned around, I was met with the soulful eyes I so dearly loved. It was Jake. Who reeked of rum. It broke my heart that we were drinking for similar reasons.

“Hey, my sweet girl!” He pulled me in for a hug, squeezing me extra tight and letting his hand linger on the small of my back as he positioned himself to the side of me. A classic Kiszka hug. The kind of hug that makes girls wonder if it’s flirtatious but it’s really just their loving nature.

I beamed for the first time all day. Jake and I were the kind of close where we didn’t need to speak all the time to keep the friendship alive. We often found ourselves on late nights after shows talking about everything while everyone was off to sleep. As I look into his eyes, I’m realizing he might know me more than Sam does.

In my drunken state, I didn’t realize my smile faded till his eyebrow became crooked.

“Are you okay?” Was all he said, my extremities went cold once more like they did earlier.

“I-“ I felt an arm snake around my waist and someone kiss my cheek from behind. I knew who it was.

“Baby doll, come with me before I go on, talk to Jake later” Sam said, all too normal.

I smiled weakly at Jake and he gave me a concerned look. He must’ve made eye contact with Sam because his concerned look quickly became a forced, tight lipped smile. And with that, he caught up with the rest of everyone, who waved at me, unaware of the situation at hand.

Sam led me down a dark walk way, the route that takes them to the stage. The opening act was on and I could feel the bass in my chest.

We stopped walking and Sam pulled me in for a kiss. I barely kissed back, uninterested in his lips on mine… Knowing they were on God knows who’s the night earlier.

“Y/N, kiss me,” He said running his hands up my sides then to my neck, pulling me in again.

“Sam, I’m not in the mood.” I slurred.

“Y/N, I told you I’m sorry for before. I still am.”

His eyes were looking through me at this point.

“Sam, this isn’t about you, okay? Really, it’s okay!” I amazed myself with how natural it was to pretend that I didn’t find another woman’s article of clothing in his hotel room. I grabbed the sides of his face and kissed him. He began to melt into me, pushing his tongue into my mouth.

I faintly heard the opener end their set, they would be getting off on the opposite side of the stage so I wasn’t worried about stopping him. Even if I didn’t want to kiss him right now, a part of me wanted to make him think I was okay before his show.

“I love you so much-“ He said in between kisses. I kept thinking of him talking like this to another woman. It made me sick. I pulled away. Staring at him plainly. His eyes were dull with lust and confusion.

The boys started walking towards us, getting ready to go on stage. I turn to them and smile.

“Good luck tonight,” I blew them a kiss and smiled while they said their thanks and blew kisses back. Jake watched me intently as I started to walk backstage, not daring to turn around and look at Sam.

“Hey,” Jake grabbed my hand.

I turn back to him and look for his eyes, that are fixated on my hand, and work up to my face.

“Sweet girl’s on my side tonight, yeah?” He winked with a grin. His thumb rubbed my hand, all of this making me blush. This gesture was more comforting than flirting.

“Of course.” I said, bashfully.

Jake smiled once more, and I looked back towards Sam. His face was stone cold at the interaction.

————————————————————————

The concert was amazing as always. Jake made it a point to wink in my direction and blow me a few kisses during their set, all of which Sam saw.

I was still, naturally, upset. Drinking as much as I could, stumbling in the crowd a bit. I was trying to blend in with the stands but of course some of the fans recognized me, I’m embarrassed to admit I was probably too incoherent to hold any sort of conversation with them.

We were now at an after party backstage, celebrating the tour or something, I could barely tell in my inebriated state.

Sam was on his phone, frantically typing and trying to stay focused on the conversations around him. I assumed that was her on the other end of the text screen. He put his arm around me while Danny and their roadie went on about an equipment mishap. Before Sam could reply to the phone vibrating in his pocket, I turned to glance at the tour crew & opening band dancing in the middle of the room. Jake was on the other side of the dancing bunch and caught eyes with me.

“I’m gonna dance-“ I said while breaking free of Sam, who said something in return but I couldn’t hear him over the music. I walked through the moving bodies and put my hand out to Jake, who took a good swig of his drink and slammed the glass on the table beside him. He took my hand and pulled me into what felt like the music itself engulfing me. We danced, innocently. Singing the lyrics to each other as we swapped dancing partners and laughing gleefully like little kids. I felt someone grab my wrist.

“Gonna save a dance for me, right, little girl?” Sam husked into my ear.

Feeling incredibly prideful and cocky, I danced with him, and as he leaned into me, I moved my mouth to his ear.

“Tell that little slut to get her cheap shirt before tour’s over.” I said in a tone only he could hear. Sam’s grip on me loosened.

“Y/N,” His face was pale, and his feet were suddenly glued to the floor. I kept dancing.

He reached his arms out for me when I started dancing too far from him and he pulled himself into me.

“You’re not going to make a fool out of me, Sam. I’ll play stupid for everyone around us right now, but trust that I won’t let you continue this. I’m not going to be the other woman in my own relationship.” I said still quietly but snidely.

“Listen to me, Y/N,” Sam said as he tried to pull me out of all the dancing, swiftly and without causing suspicion.

“Good idea, I need air.” I said, walking towards the tunnel that lead to the parking lot.

“Even better, I’ll come with.” He said following behind.

“No, stay! Please, enjoy yourself!” I said in a tone where he knew I was sarcastic but people around us would assume I was genuine if they overheard us.

Jake came up between us and put an arm out to distance Sam.

“I’ll go with her, don’t worry!” I couldn’t tell if Jake realized what was happening or if he really thought he was just helping ease Sam by following his drunk girlfriend who needed to get air in a sketchy parking lot.

Either way, I locked arms with him and smiled.

“Thaaaank you! Enjoy yourself, Sam.”

Sam’s eyes started to get glassy. Those around us would probably assume it was from weed or the alcohol, but he was on the verge of tears. His face was hard, stoic as he watched his brother whisk me away.

————————————————————————

We made it outside. Surprisingly no one was around, just the empty trailers, cars, and tour buses.

I started running to the middle of the lot & began spinning with my arms stretched out, basking in the cool air. I heard footsteps coming towards me, increasing speed.

Jake ran up to bear hug me, I yelped.

“You’re too drunk to go exploring, let’s go closer to the building, Y/N!” he laughed as he pulled me towards the brick wall. I tried to protest but I was too weak and he was too strong.

We reached the wall and I turned to him. There was that concerned expression again. It made me shiver.

Jake started to take off his jacket, he laid it gently on my shoulders.

“Better?” He asked. I’m assuming he thought my slight shiver was from being cold, considering my outfit choice, but the truth is that my blood is boiling from anger and alcohol, I can’t feel a thing.

I nodded and gave him a tight lipped smile.

“Are you okay? And answer me this time. You drank like a sailor, and you don’t do that.” He waited for me to respond. Suddenly I was too scared to speak again, like my voice wasn’t going to be strong enough to carry these feelings into solid words.

“Are you okay?” He repeated.

I teared up, flicking away the single tear that dropped on my cheek. I ran my fingers through my hair, pulling it out of my face, taking a deep breath.

“I’m fine.” I said, knowing he wouldn’t believe me.

“You know I know that isn’t true.” He said, leaning closer to my face. I smelled the dark rum on his breath.

“How do you know that?” I said sarcastically as a few more tears left my eyes. He got closer.

“You know things are pretty much over in my relationship… I know the signs.” Jake’s lips stayed parted and his eyes focused on my mouth.

I steadied my back against the wall, backing away. He moved closer again.

“How long has it been going on?” I asked him, scared to hear the answer.

“Hm?” He seemed genuinely confused.

“Sam and some girl…” I said quietly.

“What gir-… Wait, he’s sleeping with her?” With that, the tears flowed more. He pulled me into him and left he sob.

“Let it out, Y/N, I’m so sorry, I had no idea. I can’t believe he did this to you. None of us wanted her around but he said he was just trying to help.”

He was rubbing my back, and suddenly, I was not only devastated, but curious. Who was this girl and why was he trying to help her?

I brought my head up to ask these circling questions and Jake looked at me with his tender eyes.

In this moment I felt like Jake was looking at me in a way that only women he’s been to bed with have experienced. I felt frozen, I was nervous that I was so low I’d dig myself deeper, even when I wouldn’t want to stoop to Sam’s level. I looked down, avoiding Jake’s eyes.

“I’d never do that- to you,” Jake said, letting out an awkward and breathy laugh, an attempt to lighten the meaning of his words.

I nodded, still looking down. This can’t be happening right now. I started thinking about how Jake would taste on my lips… His rum mixed with my liquor… I physically shook my head to attempt to metaphorically shake these thoughts in my head.

Jake’s single finger lifted my chin to look into his eyes. His other arm lifted, planting his hand on the wall.

“Wanna get out of here?” Was all he said.

Like clockwork, my phone started vibrating. Text after text, and the night was too quiet to ignore it. Jake waited for an answer, trying not to look down where my phone was located, inside the calf of my boot.

My face was plain, not able to answer him. Saved by the bell, his phone in his jacket pocket started ringing, I reached for it and saw Sam’s contact photo. I handed it to Jake, an attempt to make him get his finger off my chin.

He sighed, then muted it and put it into his back pocket. My phone continued to vibrate. Jake looked into my eyes once more. It felt like he was trying to subconsciously communicate that he could take me away from it all, and take care of me, even if it was for the night.

“Jake,” was all I could let out before he leaned his face, inches from mine.

“You’re my sweet girl, you know that?” He said looking at my lips. I’m not sure why, but I nodded, looking up at him.

“I love him though. No matter what.” My eyes watery.

“I know, I’d never ask you to change what’s in your nature,” He paused. Taking my hand into his. He brought it to his mouth, giving my knuckles a light kiss, staring into my eyes as he did this. “It just breaks my heart that you’re so loyal to someone who was entertaining someone else, even if it’s my baby brother.”

Suddenly, the curiosity was getting the best of me. Who was this girl?

“Jake, just tell me who she is.” I took my hand out of his and rested both hands on his chest. Practically pleading and trying to change the subject away from his earlier question. Surprisingly, he let me.

“You know that ex girl of Sam’s? James’ girlfriend’s best friend?” He adjusted his jacket that was falling off my shoulder.

James was one of the openers who has opened for the guys every couple of legs of their tour. His girlfriend introduced Sam to his ex girlfriend, they dated for awhile. I was told through the grapevine that she would get into Sam’s head, make him choose between her and his tasks for the band… When he finally left her, he knew he would see her again on tour, but always made it a point to let me know that it wouldn’t be by his choice. She’d be there with James’ girlfriend and he didn’t really have much to say to her, so he would just avoid her.

My stomach was in knots. Thinking of him with her again. Someone he was so badly hurt by is who he chose to break my trust with. It’d hurt less if it were someone new. I lightly sobbed, moving my hands from Jake’s chest to around his neck. Hugging him tightly, he held me.

“Jake, how could he?” I looked up, trying to find the answers for Sam’s infidelity on his older brother’s face. He gave me the kind of look that told me he didn’t know what to say.

I sniffled, trying to collect myself. I thought about Jake’s previous offer. Getting out of here… with him. As we looked at each other, I knew that he knew what was going through my head. Us, going wherever he had in mind, and losing ourselves in each other.

If anyone saw us, they would think they were interrupting, and maybe they would be, but I wouldn’t dare move till he did.

“Let me take care of you.” He said, each word laced with lust, his hands were underneath the jacket he leant me, and on my waist.

I let out air through my nose, furrowing my eyebrows and frowning my lips. In a way that said “We can’t do this, I still love him.” without saying it.

We must’ve been lost in this moment because I didn’t hear the footsteps coming from the entrance of the tunnel that led to the parking lot. Until I did.

Jake and I both turned our heads to see one of the tour bus drivers. He awkwardly smiled at us and went to start the bus.

We let out a sigh of relief, knowing that if anyone else saw us, or God forbid Sam, we would be dead.

“Now or never.” He said, pulling my face to look at his. I quickly nodded in response.

————————————————————————

We made it back to the hotel after a silent ride. As we walked through the lobby and made it into the elevator, I couldn’t believe I was doing this. Jake held my hand and gave it a light squeeze. I felt him looking at me watch the floor numbers ding on the monitor. I turned to him and smiled lazily. He smiled back, and kissed me on the cheek. He lingered there for a bit before moving to my ear.

“I’m going to make it better.” He whispered.

I felt a pool begin between my legs. It felt so wrong. My boyfriend’s brother, making me feel like this. But Sam was wrong too. I hated him as much as I hated myself in this moment. But I was so detached from reality. So drunk, so lost, and so hurt. The doors opened.

We walked out, walking past Sam’s room. My eyes followed it as if he was going to come running out of it. Jake opened his hotel door, the one conveniently next to Sam’s, softly saying my name, and pulling me into the room. He closed the door behind me.

I felt him behind me as I entered more of the room, knowing I was entering the biggest mistake of my life and my body couldn’t turn off autopilot. He came up behind me, holding me. He kissed my shoulder and rubbed my stomach. I let out a sigh, I hate to admit it, but I was turned on at the thought of what he was going to do to me.

Even though my body was vibrating, my chest was aching, and a few tears escaped. He spun me around, anticipating what would be our first kiss, but he was met with my eyes, full of tears. His face was surprisingly comforting. He pulled me in for a hug. The kind of hug he always gave me.

“We won’t.” He said, as I fell apart beneath him. He kissed my forehead and held me close. I let out wailing cries, mourning what was once Sam and I, and what I almost allowed to happen. I was sick with myself as much as I was with him. I was trembling, and my throat felt raw from the noises escaping it.

A string of words kept flowing from me, “Jake what did I do? I’m horrible! I lost my best friend, I love him, how could he do this to me? I love him, Jake, I love him!”

He lead me to the bed since I began falling to the floor in his arms. He shushed me, rubbing my back.

“You didn’t do anything, I did this. Sam’s at fault, I’m at fault. Not you.” He said firmly.

I weeped. Picturing what almost happened and what transpired with Sam and his ex in the next room the night before.

“Y/N, I am miserable right now. I almost took advantage of your vulnerability because I lost the love of my life. I betrayed my brother, don’t blame yourself right now. Please. I will make this better.” The last sentence was said in a new tone than it was in the elevator.

———————-————————————————

I woke up to knocking on the door. The room was pitch black, my face was damp, and my throat was sore.

The knocking turned into banging.

“JAKE, LET ME THE FUCK IN. YOU PIECE OF SHIT, OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR.” The banging persisted, and the voice was familiar. It was Sam.

My body was frozen, I felt Jake rustle beside me.

“Stay here.” He said, making his way through the dark, turning on a lamp on his way to the banging door.

I sat up, and looked at my phone on the nightstand, I tapped it to see any notifications. My phone was completely blown up from Sam and even a few texts and calls from Danny.

“Please answer Y/N”

“Y/N”

“Hey”

“Y/N, Sam is trying to call you, he’s going crazy right now, he’s not telling anyone anything. What happened? Are you with Jake? He’s trying his phone too. Just let me know if you’re okay.”

Jake opened the door, and Sam busted through, immediately attacking Jake.

“YOU THINK I WOULDN’T FIND OUT?” Sam yelled as he threw a punch at Jake, who was dodging his fists, telling him to calm down.

“YOU LET YOUR RELATIONSHIP FALL APART SO YOU TAKE MY GIRLFRIEND? DID YOU FUCK HER? THE FUCKING TOUR BUS DRIVER TOLD ME HE SAW YOU WITH HER.” He pushed Jake up against the wall. Sam hasn’t even looked towards the bed, where I was.

Sam had Jake by the collar of his shirt, I was frozen.

“Sam.” His name escaped my lips, raspy.

He turned around. Eyes blood shot, hair a mess. He let out a breathy, sarcastic laugh. He turned to Jake and raised his fist, aiming for his face. Jake, again, dodged his brothers fist, and finally used his strength to throw Sam to the floor.

“JAKE!” I screamed, finally being able to jump up. Jake looked at me while Sam struggled beneath him, cursing at him. Jake gave Sam a firm gaze, holding him down.

“YOU FUCKED HER? YOU FUCKING TOUCHED HER?” Sam yelled.

“I could’ve but I didn’t. Because I fucking love you, and I love her. And YEAH, I am miserable right now, I wanted to take her from you because of it, but what the fuck is your excuse?” He spat through his teeth. Sam writhed underneath him.

“I DIDN’T CHEAT ON Y/N, I WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO HER,” Sam yelled “Y/N, PLEASE LISTEN TO ME.” Jake let Sam go. He stood up in front of me.

“I didn’t sleep with her, I didn’t kiss her, I didn’t even hug (her name), PLEASE believe me, listen to me, LOOK AT ME.” He said, tearfully, shaking me by my sides as I struggled to keep eye contact.

I finally caved. I nodded in return. Waiting for him to continue. Jake gave me a kind smile, and patted Sam’s shoulder. He told us he’d be in Josh’s room if he needed us, and left.

Sam led me to sit on the foot of the bed. He held my hands and continued to speak.

“She was on tour, like I said she would be. She told me that one of our roadies and her had a fling after her and I split two years ago. She said she wasn’t expecting to see him again and it was hard to avoid him because he was working close with James’ team.” He looked into my eyes, waiting for me to let him continue. I nodded.

“She said she was scared of what he would do if they were alone because he threatened her, I told her she could hang around us. I have no say in who’s fired, I tried to relay it to our tour manager but he said that the roadie was one of his best employees and wasn’t dropping him this far into tour because of something that can’t be proven. I was stupid. It was a way in. Last night she said he said something about knowing which room she was staying in…”

Again, I nodded. He hasn’t broke eye contact, or tried to retrace his story… He was telling the truth, and I let him continue just that.

“I didn’t want to deal with her, believe this. But our tour manager was being a dick, I know she’s not the talent and doesn’t have needs in their eyes, but I felt obligated to help. I told her to come to my room, stay there the night, and I’d go to Dannys… She came to my room, and immediately, I knew something was up, Y/N. She started asking about you, and how serious we were. I asked her what her intentions were. She joked to get me back. I told her to get out, but she wouldn’t. She insisted that the story about her and this roadie was still true, and she wanted me to protect her. I left her in my room, and I slept in our photographers room. I knew that if I slept in Danny’s, she wouldn’t end this till she got in. And as for her shirt, one of mine was missing from my suitcase, I assumed she took one of mine to sleep in and left hers for me to find. And baby, I’m so sorry that you found it. That’s awful.” He put his hand on my cheek, forcing me to look at him.

“You don’t have to believe me, I know this sounds like a load of bullshit. But please, ask anyone. Anyone you want. They’ll tell you what impression I fell under.” His eyes pleaded with mine. Even though it was hard to give into him after this entire day, my gut was telling me that he was telling the truth.

“Sam,” I tried to find what I was going to say next. That I believe him and that I love him of course, but I couldn’t say that without being honest about what almost transpired between Jake and myself. He waited patiently.

“I almost did something unforgivable tonight, to spite you.” I continued. His chest physically sunk, and his eyes welled up.

“Almost? Not just Jake?” He spoke, loosening his tight grip on my hands.

“I’m not proud.” I teared up. My voice was still raspy.

He cleared his throat, letting out a sigh, opening his mouth to ask “How far?”

“He asked me to come here and I did-“ I started, but Sam put his hand on my thigh, trying to get me back on track.

“Baby, how far?” He said firmly, but still sadly, nonetheless.

“He kissed my cheek in the elevator… when he got to the room, he kissed me here from behind.” I ran my fingers along my shoulder, showing him where. His face was stoic. He looked at my cheek and then my shoulder.

“He stopped when he realized it’s not what I wanted. I promise he did, Jake is not at fault. He feels like he is, he says he is. He’s just lost right now. He doesn’t want me like that, nor do I want him. I never did. It’s always and only been you, Sam. I was in such a bad place. My life felt like it was over.” I began to weep again.

He pulled me into his lap, let me cry, and held me… Like he always did. He kissed the top of my head while I soaked his shirt in my tears.

“It’s okay. Him and I will talk, but you and I are okay, baby.” Sam let out. I was relieved, but still felt like it wasn’t.

“I’m so so-“ I tried to reply, but he stopped me with a kiss. He let me go and looked deeply into my eyes.

“Don’t you say sorry. I’m sorry. I could’ve told you from the jump. But I was so in my own head about that night and I took it out on you.” He kissed away what tears were on my face and stroked my hair.

He always knew how to make me feel at ease, and right now I did… For the first time all day.

“And by the way, I was texting her earlier to never show her face around me again. You’re more than welcome to look-“ He said, reaching for his phone, but I shook my head in protest.

“Not now…” I said softly, looking into his eyes. He placed his hands back where they were, supporting me in almost a cradling like position.

“Sammy.” I spoke out. Knowing he knows I only call him ‘Sammy’ when I’m feeling soft.

“Yes, Baby doll?” He tucked my hair behind my ear.

“Take me to bed?” I rasped. He smiled and leaned forward to me, into a passionate kiss. His tongue dipped between my lips, searching for mine. I let out a small whimper, and he let out a deep moan in return.

He kicked off his shoes, while I transitioned from his arms to straddling his hips, wrapping my arms around his neck. I started to grind my throbbing, clothed pussy onto the denim covering his hardening bulge. His hands made their way onto my ass, guiding me on top of him. We let out moans and soft laughs in between our passionate kisses.

I took his bottom lip between my teeth, earning a low groan from my beautiful boy. He lightly tapped my ass.

“Lay down, baby.” He instructed, and I did as I was told. Resting my head onto the pillow, I looked up at him… He was undoing the buttons on his shirt. I leaned forward, helping him. Once the buttons were undone, I worked it down his shoulders. I went to undo the buckle on his belt, but he moved my hands away, and had me lean back by gently pushing me.

“I’m taking care of you.” He said firmly. I thought of how Jake said this earlier, but the truth is, only Sam could.

I blushed under his gaze while he removed his pants, leaving him in his briefs. His cock was rock hard, Sam caught me looking at it pulse for me. I bit my lip lightly and went to cover my face, squirming my legs beneath him.

“Don’t be shy, now” He let out a little laugh and so did I. He began undressing me, removing my dress, then my slip. He looked down at me in my bra and panties. Completely flushed and exposed, just for him. I opened my legs while he got between them.

“Sammy,” I began. His eyes traveled up my body and landed on my bashful gaze.

“Hmm?” He hummed, running his hands up and down my thighs.

“I love you too. I didn’t really answer you before…” I said, still trying to make things right.

He smiled lightly and pushed air through his nose.

“I know you do, my girl. Don’t worry.” He replied looking up at me. He began to slowly remove my black lace panties. Once they were discarded, I let out a shakey breath… Sam laid down next to me and gave me a tender kiss. He spread my legs wider for him. He took some of the wetness from my core and dragged it to my clit.

He began rubbing it just the way I like it. Immediately, I’m saying his name over again. He dips his skillful fingers into my pussy, toying at my g spot. He alternates between my clit and pussy while kissing my mouth, and slowly moving open mouthed kisses down my neck.

I pulled the lace of my thin bra down, exposing my hardened nipple. I start squeezing the sensitive bud, suddenly it’s replaced with Sammy’s wet mouth. His hand is solely focused on my clit while his tongue works my nipple. I reach my hand down to his throbbing cock. I cant think of anything more intoxicating than the thought of him deep inside me.

He moans onto my nipple, creating vibrations that intensify the sensation.

“Sammy, I need you, please.” I let out, desperately.

He releases my nipple and doesn’t let go of my clit while now, starting to lean over me.

“Aw, look at you.” He says, looking down at me, grinding into his hand, squeezing the nipple he just had in his mouth between my fingers.

“My girl wants it rough, huh? My pretty girl wants me to cum inside her perfect little pussy, right?” It doesn’t matter how sweet Sammy can be, he loves to see me fall apart for him. He wants to see me cry for him, beg for him. Always loving a show put on for him.

“Yes, Sammy, baby please, I need it, give it to me.” I moaned out, feeling like I could cum just watching him drool at the sight of me. He removed his hand from my clit and removed his briefs. His cock sprung up for me. He positioned himself between my legs.

He kissed my forehead, lining himself up with me, before sinking into my aching pussy. The sounds alone from my wetness were enough to prove how much I needed him. He fucked into me, bringing his hand to my clit once more.

He kissed me deeply, pulled away, and looked into my eyes.

“I love you,” He groaned while pumping in and out of me.

“I love you too.” I moaned, unintentionally tightening my walls around him. My arms were around his neck, while his chains danced from his chest onto my neck.

We both moaned into each other’s mouths, he brought up his other hand to relax my jaw into a more opened position.

He let a slow, string of spit into my mouth, earning a pornographic moan from me as I swallowed it. He mouth hung open while watching me do so as he continued to fuck deeper into my pussy.

His fingers sped up on my clit and he sped up his pace while hitting my g spot. I felt a familiar knot in my stomach, and he could tell I was close by my walls clenching and face alone.

“Cum for me, baby, cum on my dick, let it out, little girl, let it go for me.” He cooed as I came. I wrapped my legs around his torso, tightening them with each second of my release.

I felt his cock twitch inside of me.

“Cum inside me, Sammy, give it to me, please, please-“ I panted. And with that, he came deep inside of me. Moaning and panting, sweat beads on his forehead, pressing his to mine. He found my lips and kissed me hungrily, like he was starving for my mouth.

Our eyes were still teary eyed from earlier but extra teary for the passionate love making we just shared. He collapsed on top of me. Pulling himself out of me, he rolled onto the side of my body, now pulling me into him.

“I love you, so so much, Y/N.” He said softly.

“I love you so much more, Sammy.”

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