#if things had been different we'd have been good friends

[cleolinda]

AITA for banning my husband and father in law from the delivery room due to their intensely stressful/creepy behavior during my pregnancy?

There’s a famous Reddit post from 2020 where a pregnant woman wrote that her husband and father-in-law were a little too comfortable with their certainty that she was absolutely going to die in childbirth just like her husband’s late mother. It was to the point where her FIL was insisting that she go ahead and put all her clothes into storage, because she was obviously going to die in the hospital and it would save them the grief of packing up her things afterwards. Like. It was WILD.

When I tell my husband [that she feels suspicious of her FIL], he calls me paranoid, but I feel like my FIL WANTS me to die; his whole life identity for the past 35 years has been “amazing single dad” (never dated or had close friends or even hobbies really), and it seems like he’s looking forward to being able to guide my husband through what he went through. At this point, I’d honestly be happy to never see my FIL again, and I certainly don’t want him in the delivery room, especially since he told me he was “putting [his] foot down” about me not being “allowed” to have an epidural…. My husband, in addition to backing his dad on everything, acts like my due date is my death date, and has completely pulled away from me.

The commenters (and me, honestly) were convinced that the husband and FIL were either going to kill her outright to fulfill this expectation, or just make decisions about her care that might conveniently let her die.

And then she never posted again.

Over the last four years, people have frequently mentioned that post, always leading to a thread of people saying, “Oh god, I still worry about that woman.” I did too. It became one of those famous unresolved posts that people always wondered about.

Until yesterday, when someone on r/BestOfRedditorUpdates dug up a 2022 update she had posted on a different account:

TLDR; I had a beautiful and healthy baby girl, and I divorced my ex-husband. I lived, obviously.

She writes that she put her foot down about having her own mother in the delivery room rather than her FIL (!), and she WOULD be getting an epidural. Her husband lost his shit. And in his outburst, he let slip--

I admittedly lost my temper, and told him that I wasn’t going to die- it wasn’t my fault his father’s trauma wormed it’s way into his head, and that he needed to fix it without taking it out on me. He yelled at me that he didn’t need therapy. That caught me a little off guard; I asked him why he went to his therapist and was given advice about my death if he felt he didn’t need it. His expression gave it away, and he caved not long after. It turns out there was no therapist. It was just his dad. During the times he was supposed to be at therapy, he was with his dad. I’m still fuming.

And that was when she got the fuck out.

I’ll wrap this up- I’ve got an adorable little toddler tugging at my leg atm. I’m alive, I’m happy, and I’ve got my baby in my arms. Life is good.

I truly never thought we'd see a resolution to this, and I feel like there's probably a good number of people who remember it, so I thought you might want to know.

ETA: Brilliantly, I put the link in at the top; here it is again for convenience.

[inbabylontheywept]

the house i grew up in was a little bit of a fixer upper. for the first 19 years, my dad just sort of slowly fixed it, but pretty early on in college, he came into a large amount of cash and decided to just do the whole thing at once. so he rented a different house for like, 2 months that was just a block down from us, and then got a bunch of contractors to fix original house ASAP. it was kind of crazy, but it compressed many years of work into like, three months.

the sitting in a new house for three months was actually pretty fun. and i shouldnt really complain at all (staying at home while in college is a sweet deal)

but.

but. my parents are fairly hard of hearing, and their bedroom in the old house was in the furthest possible annex from everyone else. wheras in the rental it was just in the middle of the house. so without going into details, i was extremely aware that my parents were having sex like, eight times a day. my dad had just retired and i guess they were celebrating, which is great i guess, having parents that really like each other is way better than the alternative, but also, it did make me envy their deafness. i kept headphones on for so long that year i got literal ear calluses.

at the same time, the house my buddy from the shoe incident grew up in flooded. turbo flooded. they burst like, two pipes at once and the damage was so severe they had to redo all the flooring and all the drywall. his family actually had homeowners insurance, which is either incredible or suspicious for a family that used the drained pool in their backyard to store rusty scrap metal. so insurance was handling the work, but in the meantime, they were crammed into a very small hotel room space. we did the math on it then, it averaged about 80 square feet a person.

so one day i got home, and i was chilling, and then six rolled around, and apparently six o'clock was sex o'clock because my parents decided to flex their cardio. i grabbed my headphones and prayed that god would do for me what he did for beethoven, but that failed to work, and then seven rolled around and my parents were still at it, which again, very impressive, but was pushing me to swap out judas for mozart in those prayers. there's a definitive point where you stop praying to be deaf and instead pray that god could take you to a nice field and pop you like a gore-balloon.

i was about five minutes away from that point when my friend called me and basically said i have been stuck in a 500 square foot space with 6 people and i didn't have many marbles to start but what few i had are gone. please. if we are friends, if we were ever friends, take me out of here just for a moment.

and i was still pretty mad at him, but i had pity on the poor guy. also helped that i was desperate to leave the house. so i drove the chickenshitmobile to the hotel and i picked him up, and then we did our normal hangout activity, which was go to food city and buy produce. his normal house was, on a good day, nasty, and his backyard was, as i stated before, mostly used to store mosquito larvae and rusty metal, so what we'd always done before was just walk to the grocery store a half block away and leer at vegetables.

so we did that and it was like old times again. they had some radishes that were expired, so i could buy like, literally an entire grocery bag of them for about $5. so i did. i really like radishes. he got a coconut because he liked fruit and beating things with hammers.

which probably would've been great except we didn't have a hammer, so instead we spent about 30 minutes stomping itike it owed us money. when it finally cracked we cheered like we just got the winning touchball at the superdome and then he ate some of the flesh, and i ate some of the radishes, and we admired the black, starless sky of the city before i took him back to his hotel room.

and then we got pulled over.

i forgot to turn my lights on because the street all around the food city was ludicrously well lit. so it went from being pretty bright, to pretty bright and flashy, then i pulled into a parking lot and a cop came to ask us for IDs which is where everything went to shit:

i’d forgotten my license at home. 

the cop was was actually kind of chill about it - he said he could get by with just an address. except i did not know my address. i hadn't memorized the new one yet. so i told the cop, my house is getting remodeled, i don't know my address right now. and then he went to my friend, and my friend said the exact same thing. house getting remodeled, staying somewhere else, no address, sowwwwwwy.

now the cop genuinely didn't know what to do. he went back to his car, and i was stressed that i was about to get into HUGE trouble so i started eating the radishes and my buddy started eating more of his coconut, and we actually managed to eat like a quarter of both before the cop came back. we ate enough produce that he could smell something weird in the air, and he asked what the smell was, and i said radishes, and my buddy said coconut, and the cop said which, and then we produced a large bag of droopy radishes and an absolutely brutalized coconut, and the cop was just like

so my buddy tried explaining how he was sharing a 500 square foot apartment with 6 people and wanted a fruit he could fight with power tools, and i tried explaining how i'd actually tried buying my parents like, board games and puzzles and stuff but nothing worked - the only thing my parents seemed to like doing right now was each other, and we both went on long enough and pathetically enough that the cop eventually went:

ok. stop.

and we stopped.

and he said do you know why i pulled you over?

and i said, because of my headlights, and my friend (who is hispanic) and the cop both looked at me like like i was the dumbest person in the entire world. and then the cop said no. that's why i'm allowed to pull you over. i checked your car because this neighborhood has a terrible sex trafficking problem, and i pull over every car i can to make sure no one is buying or selling sex. and you two are obviously doing neither. now i could give you, like, four tickets right now, but that would do nothing to make this area safer, so just turn your lights on, go home, drive safe, and try to be less stupid in the future.

and i said okay but i was thinking, you know, damn, this is just how i live man, i don't have a hidden third gear i can shift into. people can't just get smarter because it would be convenient. it's always convenient to be smart. i am literally trying my best.

but i didn't say anything because i was, slowly, learning how to filter what i said. instead i nodded and the cop left then i dropped my buddy off, and the last thing he said was said he owed me for responding to his SOS. I said he owed me for a lot of things, and he agreed that was true. then i drove home with my lights on, 5 under the speed limit, and arrived to a peaceful quiet home. I could’ve wept with relief but instead I went to bed.

the relief was short lived. i was woken up at 6 am by my parents. i swore, and then i prayed, and when i did not explode, i swore again. then i got up to make breakfast before my first class.

[ltleflrt]

Figuring out I'm on the ace spectrum was so difficult because I have always been a horny bitch. I knew what sex was at a fairly young age, because I'd asked my mom and she's one of those good parents who'll answer questions like those, and as I grew older and would ask more complex questions, her answers would evolve along with my curiosity and understanding of the world. And I remember having fantasies as young as 9 or 10 years old, even if they were hella vague and nothing close to what sex actually is lol

So as I became a teenager, and all my friends' focus turned from playing with dolls to flirting with boys, I automatically thought I was attracted to boys. And I paid more attention to Cute Boys than I did to Cute Girls, because girls were just nice to look at while boys were People To Have Crushes On. Because of heteronormativity. Looking back on it now, I know there were girls I liked to stare at just as intently as boys, although less often because I wasn't trying to pay attention. And I certainly didn't fantasize about girls because I started reading romance novels in 5th grade, so I was fantasizing about male romantic partners because that was the fiction I was consuming. I didn't even realize fantasizing about girls was possible until I was 17, and I had a few "am I a lesbian" internal crises for years because of it.

So when I did start having sex, I had A LOT OF IT with SO MANY different guys, and eventually a couple of women once I started accepting that bisexuality was real. But it was never really fulfilling. Not like my fantasies were. Not like my books were. I was slutty because sex was fun, I was horny, there were plenty of options so I kept searching for that satisfaction I was craving.

Getting married was a relief (even though it turns out I'm aro-spec too lol) because I was tired of hunting, and even if sex with my husband was meh, at least I had someone around to scratch that itch if I had it, and he didn't mind if I occasionally took care of things on my own because I'd read an especially hot scene in a romance.

I learned about asexuality in my early 20s, but I brushed it off. Couldn't be me, I'm far too horny for that. But I think that comes from the fact that everything you hear about Aces is attached to sex-repulsion or sex-indifference. I wasn't either of those things. I was horny all the dang time. I was fantasizing about sex all the dang time. I figured actual sex was meh because my imagination was so vivid that real life could never match up. Which could be true to an extent, but I think not as much as popular opinion would have us believe. If fantasy was really that much better for everyone, then I think we'd have less incels and unplanned pregnancies than we do.

In my 30s I finally saw people talking about The Spectrum, and I started examining my past, and I figured out I wasn't really attracted to anyone I had sex with. I do occasionally find someone attractive; there are men and women and enbies who make my skin feel tight and give me a little wave of lightheadedness lol... but it's always always the fantasy that gets me really going. If given the opportunity I wouldn't have sex with any of those people. Thank you, but no thank you, I'd rather just imagine it than physically participate in the act with them.

(Ok I might go down on them, but that's less about wanting sex, and more about being able to add them to my Tally. Hell yeah I want to brag about making *insert hot person* have an orgasm. There's PRIDE in that kind of accomplishment lol)

I have a lot of respect for aces that are not horny. I understand it even if I don't share the sentiment. And I feel like most of them understand me even if they don't share the sentiment. There's a solidarity between us.

Until I go into a fandom tag for a character that the aces have glommed onto because they're canonically ace or headcanoned as ace. Good lord, the non-horny aces can turn into downright vicious bastards if a horny ace sexualizes their blorbo.

This post is for them.

Horny aces exist. Please look up "autochorissexual, lithosexual, and aegosexual."

Refer to those definitions in regards to romantic attraction as well as sexual attraction.

Some aces may not fall into one of those definitions, because asexuality is a spectrum, but they may still be horny.

Horny aces are not disrespecting you by enjoying being horny on main. We promise we'll wash the stickiness off our hands before we hold your hands in queer solidarity.

And most importantly: Your blorbo is fictional and does not need to be defended from icky sexuality. They exist in an infinite multiverse, so your blorbo and my blorbo are not the same, even if they appear to be on the surface.

AND:

This post is also for the people who are confused about themselves because they're horny but don't actually feel attraction. You're not crazy, you're not wishy washy, you're not "waiting for the right person to come along" (unless you are, in which case I hope you find them). You're just a thin strip of color on a massive rainbow that holds more unique shades than anyone can perceive at a glance.

You're valid. You're one of us too.

And don't be mean to the non-horny aces. Tag your smut so they can avoid it. (But actually so I can find it lol)

[barcaatthemoon]

good enough || alanna kennedy x reader ||

you meet alanna's friends, but it doesn't go as well as you had hoped.

alanna was excited as she held your hand and led you towards her friends. you were beyond nervous, but alanna was adamant that it would be fine. she believed that her friends would love you. she loved you so much that they'd really have no choice, and even if you didn't get along at first, alanna was willing to be patient about that.

she understood that there would be some difficulty with the language barrier. the two of you had lapses sometimes in your conversations. alanna didn't think she had ever been so grateful for google translate, which had become a staple in her apartment since you started hanging around.

you had moved to manchester for school. alanna had run into you at a coffee shop, saving you from a rather aggressive and angry barista who couldn't understand you. as a thank you, you had gone out with her. that was the beginning of your relationship, and you hadn't looked back since.

"oh, there they are!" alanna said happily. she tugged on your arm gently as she pulled you over to a table. you glanced nervously at the group of girls sitting there, all of whom embraced your girlfriend in tight hugs. "(y/n), this is mackenzie, caitlin, and steph. guys, this is my girlfriend, (y/n)."

"nice to meet you," steph said as she pulled you into a hug. caitlin and steph seemed a lot more excited to meet you than mackenzie. you understood why, alanna was her best friend, and you had seemingly popped up out of nowhere.

"why don't you sit down and i'll get us something to drink, okay?" alanna suggested. steph and caitlin shared a look as alanna pulled your chair out for you. mackenzie, however, didn't seem nearly as impressed by things. she wasn't being outright mean to you, but you could tell that she definitely didn't want you here.

"despite alanna talking about you constantly, she hasn't really told us much about you," steph said as she leaned forward a little. "she mentioned you're not from here, though."

"oh, um, yes, i came from france for school," you told them. steph and caitlin asked you a few more questions about yourself before alanna got back. once she was back, alanna took up the rest of your attention. she hadn't done it on purpose, but it was a habit that she had quickly fallen into.

while a lot of people would argue that you didn't really do anything for work, your videos took up a lot of time. you were nearly at a record for followers on tiktok and instagram, and nobody had even seen your face yet. you made sure to do everything that you could to engage with people without revealing your identity. the last thing you wanted was to get swarmed by people whenever you were just trying to enjoy a day out with your girlfriend.

"hey macca, are you staying over still?" alanna asked. the little brunch was coming to an end, steph and caitlin having left just a few minutes before. they seemed excited to see you again, even if you'd be wearing a blue jersey then.

mackenzie glanced at you for a moment before turning to alanna to answer, "of course. i didn't come all this way for a cup of coffee. you owe me a few drinks at least."

"and i promise you more drinks than either of us should ever have, but first, i promised (y/n) that we'd go shopping after this," alanna said. mackenzie let out a little huff at that, but didn't say anything.

the three of you left together after that, alanna seemingly oblivious to the tension. you could feel mackenzie glaring at you whenever alanna wasn't paying attention. that was why you were glad to have slipped away from alanna and mackenzie after making a few stops at different stores. at least you had been until you got to the check out.

you had a good amount of money from your videos and social media profiles. it was enough that alanna's jokes about you being the breadwinner had stopped being jokes. that being said, you didn't want to have to call alanna to come and pay for you, but the clerk didn't seem to be willing at all to help with the language barrier.

"hey babe, sorry it took so long to get here," alanna apologized. you were quick to reassure her that it as fine and apologize in your own language. you had spent a good part of the day speaking english, and your brain was a little tired of constant translating. languages had never really been one of your strong suits, and it was times like this that you were grateful for alanna's patience with you.

"hey lan, do you think we can head back to your place now?" mackenzie asked. you still had a few things that you wanted to get, but mackenzie already seemed to dislike you, and you didn't want to make it worse.

"babe, are you done?" alanna asked. you nodded as you cuddled up to her side, pretending to be tired. alanna took your shopping bags from you and carried them to the car. she walked ahead of you, just far enough for mackenzie to pull you back for a moment.

"you shouldn't take advantage of her, it's wrong. alanna isn't your little errand girl, nor is she your personal bank account," mackenzie warned. you seemed to look confused, and so mackenzie decided to rephrase herself. "it's not right to treat her like this. she's way too good for you."

while alanna did seem to notice that you'd gotten sort of quiet, she still didn't manage to pick up on the tension between you and mackenzie. the glares that you had been trying to ignore all day seemed to penetrate through the mental barrier you'd put up. her words echoed in your brain, constantly reminding you of the insecurities that you had earlier on in your relationship.

"where are you going?" alanna asked as she watched you start to gather your things. she had been excited about you staying the whole week with her, especially after you had opted to spend the weekend on campus. your school schedule had been hectic, but this was a slow week with no assignments, one that you could dedicate solely on alanna.

"i can't stay here tonight, i'm sorry," you told her. alanna frowned as she watched you slip your backpack over your shoulders. she leaned forward for a kiss, one that you didn't give her as you rushed out of her apartment.

"hey, don't get all pouty on me. come on, get another drink and let's have fun," mackenzie tried. alanna didn't even look at her as she shot up from the couch and ran to follow you outside.

"(y/n)!" alanna yelled as she chased you through the parking lot. she was faster than you, so she managed to catch up before you reached your car. "what's wrong babe?"

"i can't stay with mackenzie there. she hates me. i just want to be good enough for you. i've been trying so hard, and she barely knows me, but she can see through me," you cried. alanna pulled you in for a hug, holding you tightly in her arms. "i'm sorry, but i don't think this is a good idea anymore."

"stop it. macca is protective, and while i love her, sometimes she needs to get her head out of her ass. don't listen to her, she'll come around to you, she just has to get to know you. now, i don't know where you not being good enough for me comes in because it's not true," alanna told you. she cupped your cheeks and tilted your head back a little, forcing you to look up at her. "i love you, and you love me. if anything, i'm not good enough for you, understood?"

"i know that you want me to stay, but i don't think i should while she's here," you said. alanna looked disappointed, but she wouldn't force you to stay if you truly didn't want to. "i'm sorry, lani."

"it's okay-," alanna pressed a kiss to the top of your head, "-i'll see you in the morning for breakfast. if it's okay with you, i'd really like to try and get you and macca on better terms, but we can wait a while first."

"she is your best friend?" you asked. alanna was quick to give you a little nod. "then i will try again tomorrow, for you."

"see, there you go again being too good to me," alanna laughed. she leaned down and pressed a kiss to your lips, careful to keep things soft and sweet. "i do wish you'd stay, but i'll pick you up tomorrow."

"tomorrow," you promised. "bye lani."

"bye babe, i love you." alanna dropped her hands away from you and started to slowly walk away.

"i love you too," you said back. alanna was smiling as she made her way back towards her apartment building. a part of you wanted to go back and spend the night, but you needed to clear your head a little and figure out what you were going to say to mackenzie the next day. you knew that alanna was going to have some words with the other woman, and you just hoped that she didn't say anything to ruin a friendship over you.

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FOR BEST FRIENDS WHO DON'T REALIZE THEY'RE TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER *  assorted dialogue, adjust as necessary

what do you mean? i've always been okay with you dating other people. for some reason, this time just feels different.

do you think you could ever see us as more than friends?

i compare anyone i ever date to you. is that weird?

did they actually think we were dating? that's a little strange.

do you get asked a lot if we're a couple?

you're my best friend. i would never want to risk our friendship.

our friendship matters more to me than anything. i don't ever want you to leave my life.

i'll admit. i've started looking at you differently... in a good way.

guess i never realized how beautiful you are.

would you consider this a date?

seeing you with them... it made me so mad. i can't explain the feeling.

i'm afraid i'll lose you. i can't risk it.

you're not just my best friend, you're my... nevermind. forget i said anything.

sooner or later you'll probably realize you've been in love with me this whole time.

i don't want to ruin our friendship. that's the main issue i have.

but what if you're the one for me?

do you believe in soulmates?

no one else compares with you.

of course i care about you. you're my best friend. you always will be.

wow. you look... absolutely breathtaking.

i know i'm not supposed to have feelings for you, but i do.

they said we'd make a cute couple, you know.

if no one asks you, and no one asks me... maybe we could go to the dance together. as friends.

i'm always going to be by your side. that's what best friends do.

i won't let anything happen to you. i promise.

you have no idea the lengths i would go through to keep you safe.

you don't treat anyone else like this. just me.

how long have you had feelings for me?

whatever happens, we can't let this get in the way of our friendship.

what's a kiss between friends?

best friends cuddle. this is normal. this doesn't have to be romantic.

i've always viewed you differently than other people.

you're so special to me, and you don't even realize it.

i've never cared about anyone like i care about you.

i just don't want them to get in the way of our friendship.

when were you going to tell me you were seeing someone? i thought i was the first person you told about that stuff.

don't you get it? they're not you.

i'm not in love with them. i have feelings for someone else, someone i can't have.

would it make things weird between us if i kissed you right now?

no, i'm not staring at your lips. what are you talking about?

my parents keep insisting that we'd make a great couple.

you've always been my first priority.

you said something earlier about the people you love.

could you ever see yourself loving me?

and what about me? do you love me?

maybe we could go on a date sometime. an actual date where i plan nice things and bring you flowers.

i've been in love with you since the day we met. there. i said it. happy now?

[castiwls]

bed chem .ᐟ

Paring; dean x reader

Prompt; 'i bet we'd have really good bed chem'

Requested; anon

Notes; requests are open again!

Masterlist | Taylor Swift masterlist

It wasn’t often you found yourself drawn to a stranger sitting in the bar on a random Tuesday night. Normally the patrons of your local bar were your father's age and tended to come simply to chat up the bartenders and start fights over who won at pool. 

Yet today it was different.

You’d noticed him almost immediately and it seemed he’d noticed you as well as in record time you’d found yourself tucked away in a back corner laughing at whatever joke fell from his mouth. One-night stands had never been a good idea - one too many awkward next mornings had all but made the whole idea lose its charm.

Yet sitting her now? You’d never been more ready for an awkward morning in your life.

You’d never understood what your friends had meant when they spoke about instant sexual attraction. How they could look at a guy and just know yet right in this moment you finally understood.

“You can’t be serious?” You laughed, taking a sip from your drink as the stranger - who you now knew as Dean - simply grinned and nodded his head. “As serious as I can be sweetheart.” He shot you a wink before finishing his own drink and placing the glass down with a quiet ‘click.’

He watched you for a moment, his green eyes shining under the dim lights of the bar. His eyes seemed to ravish you almost as his gaze slowly raked over your face, a slight flutter settling in his stomach.

“So, what brings you to this fine establishment on a tuesday night? I’m sure there is more… interesting places for a woman like you.” He raised an eyebrow, a smile which could only be described as charming growing on his lips as he watched you blush slightly.

Seeming satisfied with himself he slowly crept a hand across the small table, his fingers brushing yours where they were still wrapped around your glass. Your own heart was thundering in your chest as his touch seemed to light your skin on fire. 

Your own eyes watched his hand for a moment before clearing your throat. “Small town. Not many options.” A small hum left him as his other hand tapped the table for a moment. “Tight nit.” Dean nodded looking over to the barman for a moment.

The man sent him a guarded look as he watched you both closely while cleaning a glass. “Not everyone's as welcoming as you.”

Nodding you shifted in your seat. “Small town you know. Everyone knows everyone…we’re all pretty close.” 

Dean looked back to you, his smile returning. “Your friend at the bar looks about ready to chop my head off.” His smile slowly slipped into a smirk as an idea lit up in his head. The bar tender had been giving him shit all night - all day actually but you didn’t know that. 

He was more then sure that he was the guy they were looking for but you seemed far more interesting. This could be a win win almost for him, he’d get the girl and also maybe provoke the guy into acting to prove that he actually was who they were looking for.

A quiet laugh left you. The sound was music to his ears almost as he watched your eyes crinkle. “Coles harmless he’s just…protective.”

“That’s one way to put it.”

You hummed quietly raising the glass back to your lips but Dean’s hand stopped you. His own hand wrapped around yours, bringing the glass back down to the table before leaning closer, his knees brushing yours.

Was this actually happening?

His hand reached out to push a strand of your hair behind your ear, his fingers lingering on your cheek. “Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?”

“Are you trying to sweet talk me?”

“Is it working?” He grinned, his eyes lingering on your lips.

Shifting you lent closer, your faces only inches apart. “You have a car?” 

The words seemed almost foreign on your tongue. The drink giving you a confidence you’d never had before. 

But something inside you was screaming that this was the right thing to do. 

Dean’s own eyes widened before he cast a look at the door. “I like your thinking.” 

[anni1309-blog]

kinda thinking about stepbrother felix taking reader to the pub and noticing someone's hitting on her so he gets jealous and takes it out on her later if ykwim hehe

oh I love this, here you go 🎀

felix catton! stepbrother x reader

summary: felix is jealous and takes it out on you

warnings: nsfw, unprotected sex, dom/sub, mean dom felix, size kink, slight innocence kink, dacryphilia, choking, spanking, slightly toxic felix, creampie

It was an usual saturday night at the pub. or so you thought. farleigh announced that an old friend of his is visiting and joining you tonight.

you were off-limits to everyone of felix's friends. he made sure of that. being your stepbrother, he was already protective by nature, so he would show that you were his with no shame whatsoever. he would never admit to his jealousy when boys where eyeing you too long but he definitely would pull you closer and shoot them a dirty look.

yes tonight was different.

normally you and felix arrive to the pub together, but since studies are getting tougher, he caught up to you during lunch and promised to join a bit later, pressing a soft kiss on your temple moving to place lots of little kisses on your face moving to your jaw and neck making you giggle.

to call your relationship purely sibling hood would be a big understatement. the way you are so close, students usually think that you were a couple. denying feelings for eachother would be futile.

entering the pub, you immediately spotted your and felix's friends including farleigh at your usual spot. smiling you greeted your friends, noticing a new face, you concluded it was farleighs friend.

greeting him, you politely extend your hand with a smile which he took looking you up and down holding your hand quite long, stroking the back of your hand.

"my my, good looks must run in this family, farleigh has told me so much about you, it's a pleasure, my name is marcus.”

his eyes set on you hungrily, giving you a slight shudder feeling a little uneasy in his presence, but choosing to ignore it for now you return a slight forced smile.

while you were chatting, you felt eyes watching you, knowing it was marcus starring. giving him the benefit of the doubt you still ignore the bad feeling, rationalizing it by you just being tense by all the studying that you've been doing.

you decided that a drink would definitely ease your agitation. you excuse yourself to the bar.

the moment you uttered that word marcus almost exclaimed that he would be joining you, attracting some strange looks.

before you could order something marcus barged in ordering two jägerbombs for you and him.

you hesitated "ah that's alright, I wanted to get a-" marcus interrupted you again "no need, this is waaay better and you owe me this one basically, since farleigh didn't tell me that he had such an incredibly hot sister, otherwise we would have met earlier for sure" he sent you a wink making your skin crawl.

chuckling uncomfortably you just stood there in silence looking at your feet. you are so overwhelmed by this situation, not having felix close. since it was also farleighs friend you wanted to stay friendly and polite, but marcus was making that hard for you and you were too shy to say something.

he was chatting on and on about his family's wealth, while you just nodded, wasn't like he was planning to ask you something or letting you talk. what you noticed was that he keep leaning closer and closer, his hand suddenly landing on your thigh alerting your attention.

"what a sweet little thing you are, hm? if we'd met earlier I'd definitely would have had my way with you" he whispered in a low creepy tone in your ear, his hand crept higher. you froze. forgot how to breath.

then you felt a big hand pulling you back slightly, looking back you were never so relieved to see felix. melting into his touch, you looked up to see his face. you've never seen him like this. to anyone else, felix might look normal to them, but you saw his concerned look, glazing back into your eyes, but changed immediately to a look of intense fury when narrowed his eyes at marcus. his jaw was flexing when he extended to introduce himself, knuckles white shaking his hand. it wasn't hard for marcus to be taller than you but felix stood like an intimidating dark shadow over him.

"I was looking everywhere for you sweetheart, are you alright?" felix sat down giving you loving and reassuring gaze while pulling you to sit on is lap gabbing your waist tightly. you were sure that he was having a hard time not losing it right now and punching that guy in his face for touching his girl.

I gave him a slight nod, taking his hand and intertwining your fingers to calm down a bit, not being able to fake it infront of felix, since you were still quite shaky.

marcus gave a condescending snicker "oh you're her step brother righttt, don't worry buddy I took good care of this doll" winking towards you giving your knee a squeeze.

this is what did it for felix. his eyes stared at him dangerously "well 'buddy' I'll tell you what" leaning towards him "if you don't put your disgusting little cubby fingers away from her in 2 seconds, I'm gonna break them off of you, do I make myself clear?" he almost growled.

marcus paled. he tried chuckling it off sheepishly putting his hands away "yeah, no dude, of course, didn't know it was your girl, my bad, I was about to leave anyways" and turned his back returning to the table more quickly.

you let out a breath, calming down immediately, turning to felix and smiling up at him to thank him "thank you-“ but he stopped you grabbing you by the upper arm and dragging you away while muttering "you shouldn't thank me, you'll be sorry for this" while still guiding you towards his dorm.

"wait what, lix this wasn't my fault, he came up to me and then-I" you anxiously tried explaining but he cut you off again stopping pulling you close to him and looking down at you furiously "I don't give a fuck, you could've walked away but no you decided to be a little slut, so now you have to deal with the consequences", you shivered slightly at his harsh tone. tears well up your eyes as felix continued walking down the hallway, his grip tight, you knew he got jealous quickly but this was new. "felix you are hurting me" you sniffed quietly but he ignored you.

he opens the door to his dorm, pulls you inside towards his bed and practically throws you on it. when he saw your tears, he cooed condescending "aww little baby cries now that she behaved like a whore but don't worry I'll give you an according punishment" he took your face in one hand and wipes the tears away while smiling down sardisticly and quickly slaps your face harshly.

shocked by this move, you take your red cheek in your hand, looking down with an ashamed gaze.

"what? you think l'd let this go? letting you flirt with all these disgusting men? just when I leave you alone for once. this will teach you a lesson" he said angrily.

you nodded and so you moved to remove your clothing slowly and resume to climb on the bed to sit on your thighs obediently. this wasn't new of course. felix let his anger out on you once before and he liked you following his rules so this was your way of obeying him. secretly you enjoyed this too as you soiled your thighs with your wet pussy, your nipples erect and cheeks blushed.

felix groaned at this sight. "well at least you are good for something, what a good little whore" he inhaled deeply as he removed his pants and underwear. so you instinctively moved closer to him to make him feel good. you reach out but felix slapped your hand away "no way, you don't get to touch me, this is your punishment remember?" you whine desperately as he spat in his hand starting to stroke his already hard big cock from base to tip, precum already oozing out as he gripped it tightly looking down at your body, groaning lowly.

feeling super needy at this sight you turn your heal to your sleek pussy to give it some relief, as you whined more and more. but felix noticed this instantly. he grabbed your waist turned onto you towards the end of the bed and spun you around, so your ass was presented to him. felix spoke harshly "you don't get anything tonight, no touching and of course not touching yourself." his hands landed on your ass cheeks "you're gonna count all my spanks, and if you're missing one we're starting over again" he promised darkly.

his first spank was so hard and fast that the sound jumped off the walls. you didn't expect it to hurt so much but also giving so much pleasure so you moan out a shaky 'one’. the other ones were equally as harsh till your ass cheeks were all red and bruised. he put his large hand on your cheek to finally take one in his hand massaging it tightly as he chuckled "what a dirty little thing, you enjoy this don't you? you enjoy when your big brother is putting you into place hm?" he moves forward to my face taking my cheeks in his hand squeezing till my lips puckered and placed a soft kiss on them.

you softened as your glossy eyes looked at him in desperation for some relief. he let out a patronizing snicker as he put his fingers between your legs letting them move easily through your puffy lips "fuck you're wet, someone's eager huh, I'm gonna take it out on you now and you will take it, won't you? you are my good girl after all." you wiggle backwards trying to get more friction crying out moans.

felix harshly put a hand on your throat holding you down firmly, restricting your blood flow making you dizzy as he spoke with a growl "no no, you're just gonna lay here pretty, and I'm gonna fuck you till I'm satisfied" he let go of your neck and you nodded obediently.

he took his hard cock to finally place it on your pussy and teasing your hole making hot tears fall from your face sobbing silently "please lix, I need it." he ignored you, stroking his cock through your wet folds, hardening further seeing your tears.

with one strong trust he rammed himself through your tight hole not going slowly for you, as he is so big and girthy he immediately hit your cervix going in balls deep as you felt them slapping against your pussy. you moan and mewl, he was stretching you out deliciously it almost hurt.

“stoo much lix, you’re so big I-“ you blabber out feeling overwhelmed with the feeling of fullness.

“I know y’can, your tiny hole is throbbing so much begging to be fucked, that’s what you wanted hm?” he hummed, looking down at your heat brushing his fingers over it , gritting his teeth he muttered “fuck you’re so tight.”

his pace was aggressivly fast to say the least. every time you would tell him to slow down, he'd only go faster, pounding into you, laughing breathlessly at your whines and the tears on your cheeks.

felix tugs your hair to force you to look up at him pushing you with each hard thrust deeper into the mattress and whispers in your ear.

"what would marcus think? seeing you like this? what would he think? would he still want your slutty little pussy knowing l've been inside it? knowing I owe you? knowing that l've cum so deep inside you? completely ruining you for you for anyone else huh? he could never satisfy you the way I can.”

you whimper at his words your cunt contracting around him, resulting into him rutting and forcing his cock even faster and deeper into you, groaning deeply.

"lix I can- can't" you stutter out, your mind completely empty and clouded by pleasure and feeling his dick so deep, you could feel it in your stomach. your head is buried in the pillows as your back arches and you swallow him deeper. you're utterly wrecked.

"you can. and you will" his pace becoming more sloppy as he ruts feral inside of you, as he uses you to to his own pleasure.

"please lix let me cum" you let out a high pitch moan

"and I need your cum please" you start to beg desperately to finish as you start to feel this familiar knot in your stomach.

he grips your throat and pulls you up tighter until you're wholeheartedly cut off from your air supply. "such a good girl for begging, maybe I'll give you just that" he says panting his orgasm close, as he puts his thumb on your clit pushing it harshly. "cum for me" he commands.

this was it for you as you started to see white and clamp and squeeze tight around him pulling your thighs together as this big wave of pleasure overcame you.

this reaction triggered his climax so he gave you one last really strong thrust as he let out an animalistic groan, his hips stutter against yours and you feel him twitch inside you and his cum coating your insides, making you feel so full and satisfied.

he stayed inside as he leaned forward and whispered, caressing your hair.

"remember you belong to me and only me."

aftercare in the next one <3

[ifimdreaming]

can i take you home?

luke hughes x reader || angst, fluff

request: “i like the idea of her best friend going to michigan/dating a former teammate of lukes so thats how luke and reader meet! i love angst and given that its lukes rookie year/she goes to college in another state, maybe they could be friends w benefits but both have strong feelings.”

author's note: i thought this request was so so cute so i kind of took it and ran. also kinda influenced by i miss you, im sorry by gracie abrams. this is also super long but i hope the ending is worth it. let me know if i should do more parts of this!

word count: 5.0k

-

Waking up to the sound of your best friend pounding on the guest bedroom door at 7am was not exactly the best way to start your day. But since you are staying the weekend in her student house that she shares with 5 other people, there are definitely unluckier ways you could have been awoken. 

“Morning sleepy head!!! I'm so happy you're up!” your best friend Emma almost shouts as she barges in the room, after you very reluctantly told her she could come in. She immediately begins opening the curtains, and rummaging through her closet to find her outfit for the day.

In her haste she almost spills the two cups of coffee she had brought up from the kitchen as she sets them on the dresser beside the bed, her mug being almost completely empty anyway. You can tell by her enthusiasm and caffeine intake that she has been up for quite a long time before deciding to wake you up. 

You groggily roll over and face away from the wide open curtains, not ready to face the day yet and really disappointed in yourself for choosing to drive up so late last night in the first place.

Of course you were happy to be able to visit your best friend, the two of you going to different schools making it incredibly hard to spend much time together anymore. But being back here brought back so many memories of the last time you visited. Both good and bad. And to be honest, all you could think about was him. From the very moment Emma invited you, he has been on your mind nonstop. 

The way he made you feel so utterly adored when he brought you back to his room, how he spoke to you so gently and quietly the one morning when you were hungover, the time he spilled and called you ‘his’ while you were in bed together, and how much it seemed like it would last forever. It was all coming back so strongly.

“So, what are the plans for the day Little Miss Sunshine?” you sit up, reluctantly speaking your first words of the day after clearing your throat. 

“Well! First I thought we'd go get bagels for breakfast from down the street, and then I think one of us may need a quick shower before we officially start our day…” Emma says with a hand on the side of her mouth, pretending to be saying a secret as she is side-eyeing you, and you just stare at her offendedly, “Aaand we are doing something tonight so maybe we should go shopping..” she says quickly and excitedly, clearly brushing past what exactly it is that we are doing tonight.

“Alright then.” you say as you check your phone for probably the 20th time in the 10 minutes you've been awake. And you can see Emma staring at you from the corner of your eye so you decide to throw your phone to the other side of the bed, getting up and ready to go. You knew she wasn't oblivious, but you did not want to acknowledge the look she was giving you right now, and honestly it did not seem necessary to bring anything up.

Besides, this weekend isn't even about him. Dylan's surprise birthday party is tomorrow and your best friend was so excited to be planning it with your help. She hadn't done anything this extravagant for her boyfriend before and she wanted everything to be absolutely perfect.

Obviously the last thing you would want to do is ruin this weekend for her, and your stupid feelings and non-relationship are included in that.

-

The walk to the bagel shop seemed awkwardly long as you were both not acknowledging the fact that your mind is very very distracted. It wasn't intentional. But feelings and places have such strong connections and the fact that things felt so unresolved was not helping. Everywhere you are here reminds you of him.

“How's your bagel?” Emma speaks up, finally breaking the silence on your walk home, thankfully giving you an opportunity to get out of your thoughts.

“Oh it's good! Thanks! I was super hungry…” you say, trying to muster up a believable enough reason for why you've been so off today. 

You continue walking and shuffling your feet in silence and are about to return back to the house before Emma looks at you and sighs loudly.

So. Close. You are literally about to step onto the driveway of the house when she stops you. 

“Ok can we just talk about it please? Because there is no way we are going to get through this entire weekend just ignoring it.” she says, stepping in front of you and blocking any sort of way for you to get out of this conversation. 

“What are you talking about?” you say with a grumble and a sigh. Knowing she is going to get it out of you. Obviously she would.

“Luke.” Emma says deadpan, waiting for your response.

For some reason at this moment you wanted to cry just hearing his name. But you also wanted to yell. Your feelings were confusing and annoying and it upset you to even have to talk about it with someone, even though you knew you should.

“I don't know. I DON'T KNOW. I can't stop thinking about him, and everything is so confusing.” you whisper-yell at her in frustration. 

It pained you to admit that you couldn't get him off your mind. You didn't realise how much you even liked him until having to admit that.

“He visited me during christmas… I mean, he did in the fall, but this time felt different.” You continue,  “We slept together again. Everything felt like it was going so well…And now nothing.” you admit to her and wipe your face with your sleeves, angry at the tears that have fallen from your eyes. 

“Has he called?” She asks warily.

“Once? Last week. It was short… but he sounded sad. He said he misses me. And he told me he really wanted to visit me. And I've texted him since then and no response.” you look down at your feet as you speak. It really shouldn't be this embarrassing to admit. It's not like you were in a relationship with him anyway.

“He's going to be here...tomorrow? I didn't know if you knew..” Emma says as she grabs your arm and slowly brings you close to her as you begin walking inside together and you nod your head in her direction.

You knew he would be here. Dylan is one of his best friends, obviously he isnt going to miss his 21st birthday. But with how things were currently going, it honestly made you wonder if Luke would even want you here. And what do his friends even know about you two? Has Luke said anything? So many questions are going through your head that it is almost making you dizzy.

-

The rest of the day is so much lighter after your earlier conversation. Emma is exponentially good at cheering people up, and maybe even to a fault, will always be on your side no matter what. But you appreciated it regardless.

You are currently finishing up putting on your makeup and getting ready to go out tonight, still very unaware of what the plan even is. But you didn't have much of a choice in the matter as Emma has picked out every aspect of your outfit tonight - down to the shoes, makeup, and jewellery.

Suddenly Emma gets a call from Dylan and runs into her bathroom to answer the phone, the music cutting out that was playing from her phone as she heads off, and silence filling the room.

You weren't intending to be eavesdropping, but you are able to hear muffled voices from the other side of the door and very hushed arguing that you couldn't quite make out. Making you curious as to what could possibly be going on tonight.

Emma saunters back into the room with hesitancy, her expression is scared and concerned at the same time as she is approaching you almost in slow-motion, saying nothing.

“What is it? Just spit it out.” you say, already knowing you are either about to hear the worst news of all time or the worst news of all time.

“Ok surprise! We're going out for sushi! Yay!” Emma says, obviously starting with the good news and you stay silent.

“And…Luke is coming out with us.” she continues, flinching at her own words as she plops herself on the bed across from you. You sit at her desk, makeup in hand, and cannot help but have an absolutely astonished look on your face. 

Nothing is able to even leave your mouth as her words run through your mind again and again.

“I am so SO sorry.” She starts. “One of the guys accidentally told Dylan that Luke is in town and I didn’t want to ruin the surprise for tomorrow, so I told Dylan that Luke and I were trying to surprise him tonight for dinner. I didn't know what else to say. It was literally the first thing that came to my mind. I'm so sorry.” she continues, worried she has done irreparable damage on your friendship.

“You can kill me now.” Emma blurts out defeatedly, wanting to keep the surprise for tomorrow and not wanting all her efforts to be ruined the day before the party.

Obviously you love that girl, but very much did want to kill her in this moment.

“Does Luke know I'm going to be there?” you ask, brushing past everything else she has said.

“Dylan said he would tell him, yeah, but if you don't want to come please don't feel like you have to.” she says with a small smile, hoping you have some-what forgiven her.

“No, I'll still come.” you say quietly but matter-of-factly.

If Luke knew you were coming, it would be weird if you decided to stay home now because of it, and besides, what would you do here alone? Thinking of what he would be doing and wishing you could read his mind is all you can think of.

“OH? This is good! Ok! Dylan said he is picking us up in 20 minutes!” Emma states, suddenly very excitedly, hoping it will cheer you up to see that she is excited. And as you continue getting ready, nervous energy and anticipation fill your body.

- 

Dylan shows up right on time, unfortunately for you, not giving you any extra time to sit and wallow in your feelings.

It was inevitable that you would be seeing Luke this weekend, but this quickly and under these conditions was not exactly ideal. You were hoping to at least be able to have a one-on-one conversation with him before being thrown into random get togethers where things have no chance but to be awkward.

The drive to dinner is surprisingly happy. Dylan seems so excited to be seeing his best friend again. He can't stop talking about the last time they saw each other and how long it has been. And Emma's laughter and giddy energy is helping you calm down and distract you just a little bit.

“The reservation is for 7pm so we might have to wait in the car for a few minutes.” Emma says, checking her phone as Dylan pulls up to the restaurant a bit early. 

The dim lighting and intimate booths look extremely inviting as you peer inside the windows of the restaurant from the parking lot. You can't help but get distracted by watching people inside as Emma and Dylan talk from the front seats of the car and are cutely chatting to each other quietly.

“There's my boy!” Dylan yells out as he jumps out of the driver's seat, running up to give Luke a hug across the parking lot.

“Ready?” Emma looks back and asks you, reassuringly placing her hand on your knee and rubbing her thumb up and down a few times.

“Guess so…” you say with a fake smile as you grab your purse from beside you, and as you are about to leave the car, you see a tall figure standing right outside your door.

Only a little bit startled, you look up to see Luke as he opens your door for you and greets you with a tired smile. He is dressed nicely in black pants and a cream cable knit sweater, his hair curly and tousled up like always. 

As you step out of the car he brings you into a tight hug, like he just couldn't wait to hold you again.

“I missed you…” Luke whispers so quietly into your ear that you almost couldn't hear him. He swiftly leaves a gentle kiss to the side of your head as he brings his hands just a bit lower down your back, “I’m sorry” he says quietly as he releases you.

As much as you want to reciprocate, you are so caught off guard by his words that you just stare up at him without a word.

“Alright let's go! I'm so hungry!” Dylan says, unaware of the tension, as he pats Luke's back and wraps an arm around him, walking in front of you and Emma and into the restaurant. 

Emma is glancing at you as you walk together, waiting to hear from you what Luke said, but you decide to ignore it with a shrug and she looks away. 

-

Dinner is filled with laughter and catching up with one another. Surprisingly it wasn't even half as awkward as you built it up to be. Dylan chatting away with Luke as you and Emma giggle across from each other about all the drama at your respective schools. 

Having a couple of drinks throughout the night was definitely helping, but regardless of that, you felt good. Really good.

“Luke, how's the love life going for you? You got a girl in Jersey?” Dylan asks with a laugh as Emma had just bragged about her and Dylan going on 2 years of being together.

She shoots you a regretful look as she hits Dylan's side with her elbow, not as discreetly as she probably wanted to, and your face turns bright red.

Luke looks down at his lap and shakes his head with a chuckle, seemingly avoiding eye contact with you at all costs.

“No man, no girl in jersey.” Luke says lightly as he takes a drink of his beer before the two of you make eye contact and he glances down to your fidgety hands that are in your lap. 

“My bad, my bad…” Dylan says with a laugh as he clears his throat and starts back to finishing the food on his plate, Emma quietly shushing her clueless boyfriend beside her.

Your nervous hands continue to pick at your cuticles and you look over to see Luke inching his hand closer beside yours on the booth bench. Looking up from your lap, you see him glancing back at you as he waits for your reaction before discreetly taking your hand in his under the table.

The feeling of his hand in yours is so comforting and familiar and immediately eases your anxiousness. But you still feel so conflicted.

Luke always knew how to comfort you and distract you from your thoughts when they were out of control. Especially during busy school semesters and many nights spent together with him keeping you company while you anxiously wrote papers and prepped for exams. 

He seemed to be there for you when it felt like you had no one else. At least that's how it used to feel. Now things feel so complicated. Not knowing the status of your relationship surprisingly taking a much larger toll on your ability to act like friends than you would have ever thought.

“So! I've got the bill tonight guys. Happy birthday Dyl!” Emma blurts out as the waiter approaches the table, she leans over to give her boyfriend a loving kiss, comfortably filling the awkward silence that had just taken over the table not long before.

“Thank you baby! And hey! thanks guys for coming out tonight too.” Dylan smiles at the both of you as he lifts up his glass for a toast. You all clink your glasses, wishing him happy birthdays that follow big swigs of your almost empty alcoholic beverages.

Walking out of the restaurant, your mind fills with running thoughts. You wish you had spoken to Luke more tonight but it was hard to not make anything obvious. He seemed good, but still weirdly sad and you wanted to talk to him about it so badly. You wanted to talk to him about everything.

As you near Dylan's car you feel Luke's hand brush against yours and lightly hold your wrist, turning you around to face him.

“Can I take you home?” Luke shyly asks you as you all stand in the parking lot together. You mutter a “sure” under your breath with a nod, and he looks to Dylan and Emma for confirmation, both of them nodding in agreement before bringing you into tight hugs and saying goodbyes.

“Tell me everything that happens girly.” Emma runs back over to you and whispers into your ear as she hugs you goodbye once more, and all you can do is let out a small laugh in response to her teenage-esque behaviour.

-

After Dylan and Emma drive away, the short walk over to Luke’s car suddenly seems agonisingly long and your heart is racing in anticipation. Over anything else that happens tonight, you really wanted clarity. But of course, thoughts of the worst possible outcome ever sneak their way into your mind.

Luke opens the passenger side door for you and you climb into his car before he gently closes the door and walks to the other side. As he gets in, he begins to start the car before he looks over to you and pauses, the quiet becoming almost painful. 

You didn't know what to say, and you didn't want to say the wrong thing. So, waiting for him to break the silence seemed to be your best bet.

“I know I should have thought of something to say…” He starts, and shuffles in his seat, slightly bending his right leg so he is facing you a little more.

“I'm sorry. I shouldn't have stopped responding to you.” Luke continues, and you almost want to roll your eyes at his apology. It was so hard to be understanding when this felt like such a preventable situation on his part.

But you knew Luke. You knew when he was scared he got distant. You knew he was pulling back from you. You just didnt know why.

“Things have been so…weird…lately, and I just…I know I fucked up.” He confesses.

You didn't want to be reading between the lines anymore. You just wanted him to be honest with you about what he wants, and it frustrated you that he was being so vague.

“Luke, what do you want? Like, from me?” you ask innocently, but squint your eyes closed tightly as the words coming out of your mouth sound completely different from what you intended.

“Like, you told me we were friends. And obviously I was ok with that. But when you would visit me, we’d sleep together. And when you left it was like. I don't know…” you look down and pick at your fingers as you speak, looking up at him feeling like an almost impossible task.

“You told me you wanted to be friends.” Luke states, and gently grabs your hand. He holds it in his to stop you from destroying your fingers as you speak, which causes you to look up at him, thanking him silently, as he waits on your response.

“I said that because I knew how hard it would be for us to be so far away from each other.” you say strongly, feeling the sudden need to defend yourself.

“You know how important school is to me, and I know how important your career is to you. I don't want to distract you from what's important to you. I don't want to be the one that gets in the way of things, or be the reason why you're not as focused as you could be…as much as I want to be-” you begin to confess, but are quickly cut off.

“It's kinda too late for that…” Luke says with a chuckle as he tilts his head back against the headrest of his seat and looks out the front window, frustration still evidently seen on his face.

“What do you mean??” you ask, hoping he will elaborate a little more than he has been so far.

“You already distract me. I can't stop thinking about you. And it's obvious. In my game and everything too. Even Jack has noticed and he keeps asking me about you and I don't even know what to say. I can't shut him up. Cuz how am I supposed to tell him how I feel when I can't even tell you? Its actually really fuckin annoying.” he laughs as he explains, still looking ahead out the window instead of at you. 

Luke has always sought to use humour and jokes in difficult situations, especially when it comes to his own feelings. He's clearly frustrated at himself and it hurts you to see him having such a hard time expressing himself.

“So why have you been so distant lately?! I’ve been really worried about you.” you say, suddenly feeling more confident in confronting him as he opens up to you.

“Cuz im scared im gonna fuck things up even more than I already have…” he says honestly as he turns his head to look at you again.

“I knew I should've said something from the moment we slept together the first time. I feel like I fucked up by keeping my mouth shut. It's been ruining my life to not just be honest with you.” he adds with a growl deep in his voice, anger at himself seeping through his words.

As he continues, you can't help but feel entranced by him in his current state, and suddenly you are very aware of how late at night it is becoming. 

“It's my fault...” Luke says, and you desperately try to focus on his words and not his body. 

But you can't help but think about how good his hands would feel on your body and how badly you want him to kiss you right here and now. You didn't care that you were still in the parking lot of a sushi restaurant. You didn't care that things were still so confusing and that this probably wasn't exactly the most ideal time to be feeling this way. You just felt like you needed him so badly.

“I've been treating you like shit lately. Regardless of us sleeping together, that should not change how I treat you. I've been a shitty friend to you, and I'm really really sorry.” he continues, and you are brought out of your trance. 

His words hit you so hard. You both unknowingly made this relationship so complicated and weren't even aware of it. You knew Luke was not perfect, but for some reason you expected him to be able to read your mind, and vice versa. Even after being the one to say you should stay friends, you were silently upset that nothing was happening in the way you wanted.

“Luke, it's ok. Both of us have not been entirely honest with each other lately and it's made everything so… fucked up. We’re just… in a weird spot.” you say, hoping your words make any sense considering you zoned out for half of his apology.

“Can I just say that I want to be able to fix this?” Luke says as he places his hand on your thigh, his fingers mindlessly getting higher and higher as he rubs slowly back and forth. Trying his best to soothe you and unknowingly turning you on even more.

“It isn't just on you to fix.” you say as you place your hand softly over his, stopping his movement on your leg as to not let it overly distract you.

“Yes it is. I let you down. I fucked up by being so fucking…distant. I should've been more clear about what I want…that I want you..” Luke admits, giving into what he has wanted to say from the moment you got into the car together.

His eyes are fixed on yours and it makes your heart flutter in your chest. Hearing him so confidently confess how he is feeling after so long is such a relief. It makes you want to just tell him you love him right here and now.

“I know things are complicated…but, I really don't want to not have you in my life…” Luke adds as tears begin to well in his eyes, catching you both off guard.

“Oh Lukey.” you whisper as you hold his face in your hands, your heart melting at the sight of him. 

Luke places his hands on your wrists, pulling them away from his face as he finally leans into you. 

His lips hit yours with an intensity that you have never felt before from him. His hands move away from yours, and to the base of your neck, gently pulling you closer into him as he deepens the kiss. 

Your eyes are glued shut as you are entranced by his lips finally being connected with yours as his tongue dances around in your mouth. 

Needing to have your hands on him, you reach up to brush his face with your thumbs and then begin gently tugging at the curls at the nape of his neck, causing him to lustfully groan deep into your mouth. Your mind is filled with excitement and intensity as the moment grows in mutual desire.

“I needed you baby.” You say rushedly, disconnecting with him for only a moment.

Luke smiles against your lips as you connect again, and he places his left hand on your hip, massaging his fingers into your side. You lift yourself lightly onto the centre-console, desperate to be as close to him as you can get, and he lowers his hand just below your ass to help support you.

Although being in the close quarters of Luke's car while having such a monumental conversation about your relationship was not quite ideal, you were so thankful for it at this moment.

“I needed you too.” Luke says after coming up for air, and you just stare at him with a dizzy smile, your head reeling with arousal.

He pecks your lips a few times before lowering his head to your collarbone, gently kissing your neck and leaving red marks where he most definitely has before.

Your giggles fill the car as he continues expeditiously exploring your body, wanting to savour every moment of your presence and relishing in the way he is pleasing you.

Luke looks up at you with a smile before his eyebrows furrow and he is distracted by something behind you, causing you to whip your head around to look out your window, immensely alarmed at his expression. 

Luke lightly lets go of you, allowing you to sit properly in your seat and as your eyes focus on the window, the sight of a kind-looking restaurant hostess tapping on the glass outside of your door almost sends you reeling into a panic. 

Luke quickly reassures you with a laugh, placing his hand on your arm and starting the car before beginning to roll your window down for them to speak.

“I am so sorry if I startled you, but our restaurant has closed, which means we can no longer allow you to park here, as free parking ends at midnight.” the hostess explains politely while pointing to the sign posted on the brick wall just in front of Luke's car. 

“Thanks Ma’am. We’re so s-sorry.” Luke pauses to hide his face, clearly hiding that he is about to break into laughter.

“We’ll leave right aw-” Luke laughs out, hardly able to finish his sentence before being sent into a fit of silent laughter.

“We’re so sorry. Have a good night!” you say more seriously, trying to make up for the completely unserious boy beside you.

“Goodnight guys!” the hostess says as she walks away, leaving you completely embarrassed and also scared half to death.

Luke continues dying of laughter and is hunched over the steering wheel as you punch his arm repeatedly to get his attention.

“That was awful! Why are you laughing so hard!” you say unimpressed, but still unable to hold back laughter of your own after seeing him look up at you with tears in his eyes.

“Fuck. I can't get over your face.” Luke says as he begins to come down a little, wiping the tears from his eyes. You just shake your head and begin to buckle your seatbelt, not taking any chances of having to be asked to leave once more.

“Fuck.” he says once more with a sigh, relaxing in his seat and looking over to you with a genuine smile before patting your thigh reassuringly.

You look to Luke expectantly and he stares back at you with a smirk before kissing your lips passionately, catching you off guard. 

Your hands are drawn to his face as he nudges your chin with his, causing you to lean into him even further before he pulls away from you abruptly.

“Can I take you home?” Luke asks with lust in eyes as he brushes his thumb across your cheek, admiring every single feature on your face. His words having a different meaning to both of you than they have previously tonight.

“For real this time?? Because you know we cant sit in this parking lot any longer…” you say jokingly as Luke rolls his eyes at you and begins to put his seatbelt on.

“Yes, for real this time.” He retorts. His right hand eagerly finding yours as he interlocks your fingers with his, bringing your hand up to his lips to place a tender kiss before finally driving off.

-

-

[livelaughpeg]

I'm writing this from a throwaway account, because you know...Scientology.

I want to preface this post by saying I am not one of those "I knew it all along!" people. I can't stand that attitude. I was pretty ambivelant towards Neil Gaiman. Prior to the allegations, I didn't hate him but I wasn't that interested in him as a person either. I don't think you can always tell when someone is a bad or good person simply by the topics they write about. If that was the case we'd be arresting every horror writer on earth.

But one thing that did always rub me up the wrong way was the way he talked about getting work.

I borrowed and read "Make Good Art" (a small book based on a speech he gave to graduates at the University of the Arts) at a time in my life that I was really struggling to get by (I still am to some extent, but in a different way). I expected to see some practical advice. Instead it was a bunch of glib shit like:

I got out into the world, I wrote, and I became a better writer the more I wrote, and I wrote some more, and nobody ever seemed to mind that I was making it up as I went along, they just read what I wrote and they paid for it, or they didn’t, and often they commissioned me to write something else for them. Looking back, I’ve had a remarkable ride. I’m not sure I can call it a career, because a career implies that I had some kind of career plan, and I never did. The nearest thing I had was a list I made when I was 15 of everything I wanted to do: to write an adult novel, a children’s book, a comic, a movie, record an audiobook, write an episode of Doctor Who… and so on. I didn’t have a career. I just did the next thing on the list.

Life is sometimes hard. Things go wrong, in life and in love and in business and in friendship and in health and in all the other ways that life can go wrong. And when things get tough, this is what you should do. Make good art. I’m serious. Husband runs off with a politician? Make good art. Leg crushed and then eaten by mutated boa constrictor? Make good art. IRS on your trail? Make good art. Cat exploded? Make good art. Somebody on the Internet thinks what you do is stupid or evil or it’s all been done before? Make good art. Probably things will work out somehow, and eventually time will take the sting away, but that doesn’t matter. Do what only you do best. Make good art.

Yeah, well, no shit. If you're a writer or artist you probably do anyway. Whether you get paid for it or not, whether you draw fan art or original art. But the point of Gaiman's speech was to give advice to people who wanted to be paid for their art. To make a career of it. Making art every day isn't always enough. You have to pay the damn rent, you have to eat, you have to network and do social media and promote yourself, and you have to do it while thousands of other people are doing the same thing in a massive crowd of people who want the same thing. Practical advice is much more valuable than platitudes and theory.

I am not a writer, I'm an illustrator, and let me tell you that for most people, 'getting your foot in the door' isn't a one time thing. Quite often you have to work at getting your foot in the door again and again until you become established, and it's very easy to be forgotten. I still feel like I'm in that stage now.

I watched my peers, and my friends, and the ones who were older than me and watch how miserable some of them were: I’d listen to them telling me that they couldn’t envisage a world where they did what they had always wanted to do any more, because now they had to earn a certain amount every month just to keep where they were. They couldn’t go and do the things that mattered, and that they had really wanted to do; and that seemed as a big a tragedy as any problem of failure.

The implication was that he was successful because he wrote every day and his friends weren't because they didn't, because you know, working a second job is tiring. He called this a tragedy, but there was something very glib about the way he narrated this.

I think someone had more financial cushion that he was letting on.

And yes, sometimes it does work that way, (some people are very lucky and make all the right connections) but Gaiman was getting Big Jobs right off the bat and something about that never smelt right to me after the way he talked about it.

And then I saw Jeff's tweets. Oh, that's why...

I suspect the truth is he was living off his family's money and connections, and while I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with that if you're a struggling artist, his family are Scientologists, and I don't think he ever struggled.

I suspect it's all a lie.

[kingkat12]

hickeys (roman godfrey x reader)

WARNINGS: 18+, mentions of sex, softcore-y smut, tw!bullying, Roman using his powers for no good, he's being so weird about virgin!reader, angsty fluff lol

summary: after having sacrificed your friendship with Letha for Roman's limited understanding of love and affection, you suddenly learn the consequences of your actions...

word count: 7,406 (you know me, not sorry anymore)

a/n: this is part 4 of my series seven minutes in heaven! click here to read; part 1, part 2, part 3! enjoy!!!<33

Roman had a hickey right on the side of his throat. Thankfully, I knew who gave him that one-- me.

It dawned on me that I had never seen him with one before. Despite how easy it was for me to get lost in the feelings of joy, finding a sense of pride at being the only one allowed to do that to him, I remembered Roman hadn't always been open to these sorts of things. He had warmed up to it gradually, with everything starting as a small incident at my place a week ago.

We had been splayed out on my bed, my face buried in his chest as I took a casual mid-day nap on top of him. It had become a habit-- Roman would come over, we'd bicker about something, then make out for about an hour until he decided to take his smoke break on my balcony. But today was different; the both of us had just finished a rather hard math test, so we were absolutely spent by the time we hit my bed. Roman didn't even have the energy to smoke, and seeing how tired he was, I decided to be bold and cuddle up to him; however, I hadn't expected us to fall asleep like this.

Weirdly enough, he didn't resist my advances. He'd usually start feeling uncomfortable as he wasn't used to affection like this, but today, Roman had his arms around me as I laid with my head on top of his chest. I had been a little embarrassed to wake up to the sight of a tiny puddle of my drool on his sweater, and I tapped the spot with my fingers as though that would make it go away.

Roman awoke, groggy. He let out a low grunt as he raised his head, trying to get a look at what I was doing. "Is that what I think it is?--"

"No," My words barely came out louder than a whisper, now covering the spot with my palm as I looked up at him with a soft smile. "Did you sleep well?"

Roman, being the stubborn asshole he was, didn't even register my question. "Did you drool on me?"

Oh God, this was mortifying. I figured he'd find out anyway; I slowly removed my hand from the spot, sliding off him. "Sorry..." As I rolled over, my back against the bed, I could only sigh. Being Roman's unofficial official girlfriend was hard, especially now that I didn't have any friends to discuss it with. 

However, there were moments where the hardships were worth it. Moments like these ones, where Roman now flipped over and unexpectedly snuggled up to me, his face hiding in the crook of my neck. "I've never been drooled on like that before," he said, his words muffled in my hair. "This is my favourite sweater."

With wary movements, I brought one hand up to his brown locks, gently stroking through them. I wasn't sure what the next sound from Roman was, but the closest thing would be a purr. "I'm sorry," I mumbled, my other hand running up and down his broad back. "Want me to buy you a new one?"

Roman huffed; "Don't be stupid. I'll just leave it in the washer here if you don't mind," 

"The washer?" My hands froze, no longer ghosting over his skin with gentle touches. "It will dry up in a second, Roman, get yourself together. And even worse, I might get the urge to wear it if you leave it here." I immediately regretted that joke the second it slipped past my lips-- in hopes of brushing over it, scared he'd climb off me and go back to being his usual self, I resumed running my fingers through his hair and up his back.

To my surprise, Roman didn't react much. The only thing I could notice was a rather shaky breath against my neck, almost as though he had just had a really tempting thought. Eventually, he spoke; "It wouldn't fit you very well,"

I did my best to shrug, although that was hard to do with someone on top of me. "That's not the premise," I huffed. "People usually wear each others' stuff when they're into one another. It's a cute thing."

"... So you'd want me to leave my sweater here?" Roman eventually propped himself up on his elbows, meeting my gaze. "Why? It's not like you'd be able to wear it anywhere."

It was in moments like these that I realized how little Roman actually knew about girls. He was supposedly very good in bed, but with feelings and affection? He was like a very aggressive puppy with gorgeous fur-- some men you simply have to train to be soft. "I'd wear it at home," I said, reaching out to brush his messed up hair away from his green eyes. "Especially when it's stormy outside and I'm doing my homework."

Something about my words seemed to be leaving small cracks in Roman's shell-- had I not been so observant, I wouldn't have noticed the way his pupils dilated or the way his features softened as he looked at me. "Would it be a one-way thing?" he asked; was I imagining things, or did he sound shy? "You get my sweater, and I get..."  Roman propped himself up further, taking a quick glance around my room. It didn't take long before his eyes landed on the plain, black hair ties on my nightstand, and he wasted no time reaching for two in one go. "I get these."

Seeing him so serious about this exchange was too funny-- I couldn't help the giggle building in my chest, suppressing a rather obnoxious laugh. "Yeah, I think that's smart," I murmured, stroking my thumb over his cheek. "Your hair is getting a little long... Would probably make your life easier."

Roman rolled his eyes, huffing. "It's not exactly like you have anything else lying around here!"

There was no way in hell I was about to tell him that my room was this clean because I had predicted he'd come over. "Okay, but it still works," I reached for his hand, taking the ties into my palm before rolling them over his fingers, watching as the rubber bands now sat comfortably at his wrist. "There you go!" I exclaimed, beaming up at a rather perplexed Roman. "Sweater, please."

It took a few seconds for him to react-- his eyes fixated on the black rubber ties around his wrist, and before I knew it, I saw slivers of pink appearing on his cheeks. I had never seen him react to anything like this before, and I had no idea why Roman was suddenly unmistakably blushing. "Fuck," he breathed. "That's cute." 

To hide his blush, he quickly wried his sweater off his body, throwing it away on a chair nearby before burying his face in the crook of my neck again, putting his whole weight back on me. "Promise to use it for dirty stuff too," he grumbled, probably to save face, before pressing a kiss to my neck. 

I was happy Roman didn't see how brightly I was smiling-- I would've been told off immediately, and he'd most likely retract right back into his shell. It was unusual for him to accept any sort of affection, and I wondered whether he had let anyone this close before. The more I got to know Roman, the more he was sleepy and babbling around me, I realized that I had to gradually ease physical kindness into his life to make our weird whatever-ship work. 

The whatever-ship I had sacrificed everything for.

And I would've spiraled deeper into thoughts about it, but the sudden pressure I felt against my neck made me snap out of it-- I realized he was giving me a rather hefty hickey, a familiar tingling sensation coursing its way through my body. I let out a satisfied sigh, my fingers burying themselves deeper into Roman's hair as he moved elsewhere on my neck to make a second one. "These will go well with the sweater," he purred against my skin.

I held back a shiver-- The hate I had once felt for him had quickly turned into whatever this was. All I knew, was that it felt good enough to distract me from the guilt that kept gnawing at me after betraying Letha the way I did. ｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

The next day at school actually marked a month since the last time Letha and I had spoken on the bleachers. A month of staring at her longingly from afar like a kicked puppy and asking our mutual friends how she was. It didn't take long before they all heard what had happened between Roman and I, and they suddenly became Letha's friends only.

I didn't know how lonely I would be after I chose Roman, and it was slowly breaking my heart. Being blacklisted by nearly all the girls at school was tough, to say the least. 

So as I rummaged around my locker, getting ready for my next class, I didn't expect Letha to approach. There was no way I could imagine she'd do that, especially after the way she had been denying all my attempts of reconciliation. But here she was, blonde hair styled to perfection, and her green, stern eyes meeting mine the second I closed my locker door.

I stared right back, at a loss for words despite opening my mouth to speak. 

Letha cleared her throat, pressing her books tightly against her chest. "It's been a month," she tried, something about her softening with the weight of her words. "I think I might be ready to... talk."

My heart jumped up like never before, immediately thrown into a feeling of ecstatic victory. "What?" I squeaked, unable to stop my beaming look of joy. "Are you serious?" 

Letha shrugged, biting the inside of her cheek to suppress her smile. "I think it's time to try, at least?--" Her words came to a halt the second I turned to face her fully, and her green eyes immediately found my neck. 

My hair had moved to behind my shoulders as I turned around, revealing the hickeys I had tried my best to cover with setting powder and foundation. It didn't take long before Letha's softening look became one of horror as she took a step back, clearly repulsed.

I immediately went into panic, piecing it together. "No, Letha, wait!--"

There was no stopping Letha before she turned on her heel, bolting down the corridor with heavy steps. 

I turned back towards my locker, pressing my forehead against it. There was no way in hell I'd let everyone see me cry in public again. It felt as though Letha had dug her hand into my chest and ripped out my heart, now squeezing it until it finally popped. My breath hitched as I stepped away from the locker, sniffling as I felt a sob build.

Just as I was about to leave and get to class somehow, the familiar scent of cinnamon entered my system. "What did Letha want?" Roman asked, his hands tucked into his pockets as he approached. His brows were drawn together in a disapproving look as he watched Letha disappear down the hallway in unmatched hurry, and I got a good glance at him when I finally turned around to face him. How long had he been watching me from afar?

Roman's glare quickly faded away when his attention shifted and he noticed the way my eyes had glossed over. His whole tough look disappeared within a sliver of a second, and I was unsure whether he noticed it himself. "... Nothing good, I see?"

I shied away from his gaze, my eyes darting down to my shoes. "She wanted to make up all until she saw... well," To demonstrate, I turned a little, showing Roman the once blank canvas which was now covered in about six hickeys that I counted last night. It was clear to me that my attempt at hiding them had failed.

Roman could only sigh, an infuriating grin now spreading across his face. "I'm going to say sorry now, but know that I don't fully mean it because... the sight of you like this is so damn hot," He leaned down, pressing his lips against my forehead as he took my face into his hands. I couldn't help but notice that he was still wearing my two black rubber bands just as my breath hitched at the loving gesture.

Something about the kiss made my heart skip, but another part was ripping at me; Roman clearly cared more about the fact that he had marked me than how upset I was. I hummed in response, not knowing what else to say before much later; "Don't do that,"

"Do what?"

"Don't kiss me like that," I mumbled, pressing my back against my locker to make as much space between us as possible. "Just... Don't." 

Roman's first reaction was on display with a stunned expression, up until his brows drew together in what I could only read as annoyance. "Fine," he said, teeth gritted. His hands fell down at his sides, trying to save face as he took a step away from me; "I'm just trying to make you feel a little better, it's not that fucking deep." In true Godfrey fashion, he also proceeded to storm down the hallway, clearly flustered after being shut down.

I had to take a long breath-- this was a lot to take in for one day. Roman being in denial about his feelings also didn't help much. I wanted to run after him, grab his hand and tell him that he could do absolutely whatever he wanted with me, that I'd love for him to kiss me like that once more, but I knew I couldn't.

It was hard to believe how badly I had fallen for a guy who could barely regulate his own feelings. Someone who insisted on making it apparent to everyone that I was his without actually wanting to put a name to it. I let out a sigh, watching Roman get further and further away. Something told me I maybe should've followed him, at least asked him whether he wanted to come to my place later and sleep next to each other, but my plans quickly fell apart when I witnessed the one thing I hated seeing most in the world.

In the midst of his angry storm-off, Roman managed to turn his head to allow for his eyes to follow a girl with an exceptionally short skirt passing him by. 

I wanted to throw up-- the hungry look in his eyes made me nauseous. Everything about Roman looking at someone in the way he usually looked at me made me want to burst into tears all over again. 

No matter what I felt for him, one thing would never change; I hated Roman Godfrey. I hated him and the way he made me feel like a stomped bug. Hated the way he'd look at me after he'd make me cum around his fingers, the way he'd stroke my hair away from my forehead with the gentlest touch as I fell asleep, and the way he'd insist on driving me everywhere just to spend some extra time together.

I hated him. I hated this feeling, and especially what it had done to me, my friendships, and my reputation.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

... Thoughts of my reputation went out the window now that Roman was back in my bed. Nothing suggestive, of course-- he was currently half asleep next to me. Even more heartwarming, was the fact that he still wore my two hair ties around his wrist, and I could get a proper look at him now that he was resting. I loved this feeling; we were both wearing the items we had exchanged.

"It looks good on you," he mumbled, tugging me closer with the arm he had around me. "My sweater. I thought I would hate seeing you in it, but it's not so bad."

My body was halfway on top of his, and I couldn't help but giggle as he pressed me closer to his chest. "Why did you think you'd hate it?" I adored the feeling of being completely engulfed in Roman-- the lingering scent of his perfume stuck to the gigantic sweater I was in, and his big arms around me made all my pain feel worth it. 

All up until Roman hummed, eyes still closed as his hands raked through my hair; "You wearing my stuff makes it real... Like you're mine. I don't know whether I want that responsibility,"

I could only sigh, unsure whether I should let my heart sink just yet. Sometimes, it was best to dig around in Roman's mud of a brain before settling for the version he wanted me to believe. "So you would be okay if I was with someone else?"

Roman opened one eye, glancing down at me as he raised a brow. "Are you with someone else?"

"... No,"

"Would you want to be?"

What an odd question; one he didn't need to know the truth of. "Would you care if I did?"

Roman opened his second eye, now scouring my face to check for cracks in my facade. Something told me he wasn't buying it, but that he wasn't about to take any chances. Eventually, he scoffed, rolling his eyes before closing them again; "Fuck off,"

"Fuck off yourself," I mumbled, burying my face in the crook of his neck. I tried to dull out the fact that his arm automatically wrapped itself tighter around me before I spoke once more; "Answer the question."

"Why?" Roman shifted, pulling my whole body on top of his, letting out a satisfied sigh now that all of my weight was laid on him. "It's a stupid question. Why can't we just enjoy this moment?"

He had a point, sure-- I just didn't deem it enough. "I hope you remember that I have a lot on the line here," I placed my hands next to his head, pushing myself up to get a proper look at him. Roman eventually opened his big, green eyes, and they quickly rounded out as they met mine. Everything about looking into his eyes made me want to squeal and pepper him with kisses; this was dangerous territory. I knew had to pull myself together; "I have, like... zero friends because of this. Because I chose you. And you not wanting to take on that responsibility or whatever it was that you called it, makes me feel like crap. You make me feel like crap." 

It was clear that Roman was holding his breath without thinking about it. He stared up at me, unsure what to say; "... All the time?"

"What?"

"Do I make you feel like crap all the time?"

That was certainly a way to spin it-- taken aback, I furrowed my brows as I pondered the question. "Not... all the time, no,"

Roman hummed; he seemed content with that answer. "I know you're upset about the whole Letha thing," he said, his big hands traveling down to grab at my hips as he shifted me to sit in his lap. "I also see that I'm not exactly helping the situation, but... you can't keep blaming me for your decision."

"... Okay," His request was simple enough-- I was ready to adhere to his wishes. "But then you have to say it out loud."

"Say what?"

"That you like me,"

I watched as Roman's eyes widened, his grip on my hips tightening. His whole body tensed up, unsure whether to speak or not. It was clear that he was conflicted about how to tread forward, and I held my breath the second his plush lips parted. Roman sat up, his back now supported by my headboard. Like this, I was sat in his lap with my arms draped around his neck, and he connected our foreheads with a sigh. Roman's words eventually came out like a slow, warm whisper; "I don't know what I feel," 

It felt as though my heart had lodged itself into my throat-- what? I was about to start arguing with him, cursing him out for dragging me through the mud for nothing, all until Roman suddenly reached for my hand. He placed my palm over his heart, his eyes finding mine as he steadied his breathing. "I don't know what I feel," he echoed. "But I know that looking at you makes my heart beat faster. Feel how hard it's going?" He pressed my hand further up against his chest, something about his touch giving away the sincere nature of this gesture. I hadn't seen Roman doing anything this romantic before, and everything was practically perfect all up until he opened his dumb teenage mouth; "I'm serious. It usually only beats like this when I look at pictures of Sydney Sweeney in a swimsuit."

That's it-- I groaned and ripped my hand out of his grip. "Okay, that's enough. You need to leave, it's almost midnight," In an attempt to climb off him, I almost made it out of his lap before his hands grabbed my hips once more, forcing me back down as I yelped. My eyes widened as they met Roman's, watching his signature smirk spread across his lips. 

"Where do you think you're going in my sweater?" he purred, suppressing a chuckle. "My sweater, my rules. Give me a kiss before I leave, at least."

I huffed as I snaked my arms around his neck, feeling his hot breath against my lips. "And why should I kiss you?"

"Because you want to?" Roman didn't care to try to suppress his grin, gently nudging my nose with his as his grip on my waist tightened. His voice dropped, getting airy as he whispered against my lips; "You want to so bad."

Everything about him made the butterflies in my stomach flutter-- it didn't help that his hair was tousled in a classic heartbreaker look, along with how ridiculously soft his lips suddenly looked. 

Roman definitely noticed the reddening of my cheeks, concluding why I had gone mute. "Don't be like that," he teased, not doing a good job with hiding his amusement. "Just kiss me first, for once. Have you noticed that you never initiate anything?"

I held my breath-- "I just... don't know what I'm doing," My confession was unexpected, but it felt nice to get it off my chest. "I don't want you to think I'm clueless."

"But you are?" Roman's chuckle was one of mischief as his hands shamelessly trailed down my body, now grabbing my ass as he pushed me closer to him. "It's not a bad thing. Just means I can program you to my liking."

I didn't even act as though I wanted his hands off of me, giving in to his antics. Something about the way he was holding me made me feel awfully warm-- maybe it was time to take off the sweater? "Tell me what you like, then," I purred, putting my hands on his chest. I figured that if I had gone down this route, I'd continue my path with conviction. 

Roman's smirk only grew, letting out a breathy laugh against my lips as he gave my ass a firm squeeze. "That's my girl," he cooed. "We'll start simple." He nudged his nose against mine once more, his lips parting before his words came out in a hot whisper against mine; "Kiss me."

His words were too alluring to deny-- I leaned forward, my hands carefully laying against his broad shoulder as I kissed him. A sigh of satisfaction escaped Roman, who immediately dug his hands into the flesh of my behind to tug me closer. Everything about the way he was reacting to me reminded me of our first date, and the way he had held and kissed me in the alley when we were hiding from Letha. 

The kiss was slow, almost lazy; something about the moonlight hitting us was making it more intense. It mostly consisted of small, loving pecks, and many pauses to simply smile against one another. I wondered whether he had ever kissed anyone like this before, with a softness I didn't see in him very often. 

It was hard to believe that this was the same guy that had me running around scared for him to prick me with needles. The only thing pricking me right now was the hardening of Roman's cock beneath me. With every twitch, every time his hands dug into my hips in an attempt to grind me against him, I could only grin into the kiss. There wasn't exactly anything sexual about this kiss, but he would always get hard from the smallest little things-- I couldn't help but find pride in it. At least this was another confirmation that he wanted me.

Roman eventually grew frustrated, now trying to rut up against me just for any sort of friction. With that, I grabbed the headboard, raising myself with my knees so that he wouldn't succeed. As he groaned, I had to bite down on my growing smile; the look on his gorgeous face was too damn thrilling.

Roman's eyes were round, his chest sinking with a shaky exhale as a rosy flush lingered in his cheeks. "Anything," he breathed. "Just give me anything. I'll take it."

"Anything?" I wasn't quite sure what he was getting at; "What do you mean?"

His hands grabbed at my waist, signalizing that he wanted me to sit down on his arousal once more-- perhaps that felt like a relief in itself? Roman stared up at me through his brows, his fingers digging into my flesh. "I'm not asking you for sex. I'm being nice. So I'm saying I'll take anything you'll give me... Even the smallest thing," He leaned forward, pressing a wet kiss against my neck which had me losing my breath within seconds, now whispering against my skin; "Just touch me." Roman's needy kisses trailed up my neck, jaw, and cheeks until his breath was hot against my ear. "However you want. Don't be shy, try it out."

Something told me that Roman was secretly into me being a virgin, after all this time of making fun of me for it. However, I wasn't about to say no to the opportunity to explore with the Roman Godfrey, and I eventually sat back down on his arousal, my cheeks flushing a deeper shade of red at the sound of his muffled grunt. 

My hands went up into his soft hair, pressing a kiss against his temple as my fingers stroked through his locks. "There's one thing I might want to try..."

Roman turned to nip at my jaw, his hands traveling back down to my ass. "Go for it,"

I didn't want to give him time to change his mind; my hand in his hair tightened, pulling him away from me with an unexpected roughness. I was about to apologize until I noticed the way Roman closed his eyes, and the way his lips parted in what looked like pleasure. It suddenly dawned on me that he might be the type to like a little pain, not only cause it. However, I wasn't ready to explore that at the moment-- I had another thought to attend to. 

Roman's head lolled back against the headboard as I leaned down to kiss his neck, and it was clear to me that he was enjoying himself. It was only when his fingers dug themselves back into the flesh of my behind that I got the confidence to pull through with my original plan; I sucked down on a particular spot, hard enough to leave a mark.

I didn't need to see his face to know that Roman's eyes were wide open with the realization of what was happening. I was ready for him to push me away, tell me off, tell me to stop-- but his arms only wrapped around me, pulling me closer in a swift motion that had me grinding up against his hard cock, and Roman let out a sigh of pleasure as he let himself be marked with a blooming hickey. 

Something told me I had to be somewhat special for him to allow me to do such a thing, and it quickly dawned on me that I had never felt this happy with anyone before, despite his shortcomings. 

I liked Roman more than I had ever liked anyone before, and I had an inkling that he felt the same. Who knew something so simple could feel so incredibly good?

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

Knowing I had Roman wrapped around my finger, despite him not being able to properly say it out loud, had me floating around in my own little bubble. Everything concerning Letha suddenly felt irrelevant, and it wasn't taking up as much space in my mind as before. All I could think about was the way Roman had smiled at me as he passed me in the hall, the red hickey on the side of his neck peeking out past his shirt. The cherry on top of it were the two hair ties he still wore around his wrist-- he was enjoying this, wasn't he?

However, I was yanked back into the absolute shitshow I had caused for myself concerning my girlfriends later that same day.

My previous friends had never done anything more than glare at me from across the hall. Maybe the occasional overdramatic huff when they passed me, an extra eye-roll my way, and so I did my best to not pay it any mind. 

Which is why I was so shocked when the proceeding followed. 

It didn't bother me to sit alone at lunch-- not anymore, at least. I wasn't about to reach out to Roman to ask where he was and whether I could join him either; but just as I picked up my phone, ready put away my nerves and text him, my gaze was diverted from the screen and to the three girls that sat down in front of me.

I held my breath, my eyes widening with the realization that my previous best friends were staring at me with the nastiest looks I had probably ever seen.

Oh no.

Breathing deeply, I did my best to harden my gaze and keep my guard up. "What do you want, Jasmine?" I asked, putting my phone down on the table as I stared down the girl in the middle. Jasmine was the one I had liked the least in our friend group, and I wasn't surprised that she was the one to take action-- the rest of the girls always followed her like dogs, and it had always made me sick; especially now that they were sititng by her like docile animals.

Jasmine cleared her throat, leaning further over the table in an attempt to intimidate me; "We're just here to make you aware of something,"

"Which is...?"

Taken aback by my lack of reaction, Jasmine's eye twitched just slightly as the girls next to her grew more and more uncomfortable. "Letha told me what she saw on your neck this morning. And sitting this close to you, I see it too... Do you not understand how it makes you look?"

There was no way for me to hold back my sarcasm; "How does it make me look? Do indulge, Jas," I couldn't even hold back my grimace at this point. "Why does it even matter to you?"

Jasmine's eye twitched once more, and she slammed her hands against the table with a loud thud. "What upsets Letha, upsets me! I'm just glad I found out what kind of person you truly are, and it brings me immense joy to realize everyone is starting to catch on to the truth as well!"

Despite how hard I attempted to stay neutral, unaffected, and unfazed, I couldn't do anything about the way my heart sunk. I couldn't even muster up anything to counter Jasmine's words, taken aback by the bluntness of my previous friend.

"Letha really wanted to reconcile, do you know that?" Jasmine continued, an evil snicker building in her throat. "But it's fucking disgusting that you walk around like you're proud to be fucking Roman Godfrey, especially when you know how much you've hurt her. Fucking traitor!"

Before I could protest, she reached for my phone which I had left unattended. There was barely any time to pry it out of Jasmine's hands before she stood up and smashed it into the table, the rest of her posse scurrying away from the table before the pieces of glass could hit them. I didn't have to look to know that the whole cafeteria was watching this scene play out; it was only when I heard gasps coming from around us that I truly realized the extent of what had happened.

As the glass from my phone had bounced off the table, the sharp pieces flying in every direction, I had covered my face with my hands. So, when I slowly pried them away from my eyes, turning them around to identify where the stinging of my skin was coming from, my eyes fell on the three pieces of glass lodged into the back of my hands. It wasn't too deep, not enough to scar or cause real damage, but damn-- it burned like crazy. 

With tears in my eyes, I watched as Jasmine snickered, clearly unaffected by the fact that she had caused me physical harm; "We're ready to make your life a living hell," she hissed. "That'll show you. Fucking whore."

Something inside me broke. Usually, I would've fought back, I would've said something-- but I froze. Completely. I had never felt anything like this, the mix of both physical and mental pain turning me to stone.

Fuck. Was this truly how everyone saw me? Nothing more than one of Roman's countless whores?

I knew this would haunt me for the following weeks to come, and I couldn't fight the way my mind shut down. The need to get away overcame me; with shaky steps, I got up from my table, realizing I was about to leave school despite the day not being finished. 

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

I had avoided Roman like the plague for the rest of the day-- I was almost as broken as my phone. I held the pieces in my hands under the dim lights of my desk in my room, nudging the glass around on the table. My phone had completely shattered, now just a heap of technology I held onto for the sake of nostalgia in a deep state of shock.

I kept glancing at my hands, my fingers ghosting over the three thin cuts that had parted my skin. They were thankfully not that grotesque to look at, and I was quite sure I could play it off as a scratch from a particularly large cat if anyone asked. 

Or... so I hoped. 

I wondered whether Letha knew about what had happened. Did she condone it? Had she been the one who ordered Jasmine and her gang to mess with me? Everything about this situation made my head spin-- Choosing Roman might've been the wrong decision. I kept thinking about an alternative universe in which I had never asked him to kiss me in the first place, or one where I had told Letha about my feelings for her cousin before it was too late.

It dawned on me that I had mostly likely made the wrong choice-- how was I supposed to deal with this?

Just as I was about to toss the remnants of my phone into the nearby bin, I heard a few knocks at my window which made me turn towards the sound. There he was, the last rays of today's sunlight making the bronze hues in his hair shine through; Roman tapped against the glass once more, eyes round with an emotion I couldn't piece together from afar.

I walked towards the window and opened it, leaning against the frame as I spoke; "What are you doing here?" My tone was sharper than expected-- seeing him didn't exactly make me feel any better.

"You haven't answered my messages," Roman didn't seem to be in a hurry about getting off my roof, making himself comfortable by sitting down by the window. "All day. Radio silence. I'm not really used to that from you, so... just checking to see whether you're having a stroke or something."

I did my best not to roll my eyes; "A stroke?"

"I don't know?" Roman shrugged, his green eyes never leaving mine. "What other explanation is there for a girl not answering me?"

I grimaced as I watched his expression. It was impossible to push down the intense feelings of frustration when I looked at him, all my love for him manifesting back to its usual hate-- I wouldn't have been in this situation if I hadn't met him. This was technically just as much his fault as mine. 

Why did he look so confused? It suddenly hit me that he was being dead serious; he didn't get it at all. He genuinely couldn't find another reason for my absence. "Oh," was what I managed to say, clearing my throat as I sat down on the window sill. "Have you not heard?" 

Roman blinked twice, clearly lost as he looked up at me. "Heard what?"

My eyes darted down to my hands, which I had covered with the sleeves of Roman's sweater without even thinking about it. "I thought everyone would be talking about it," I mumbled. "I guess that's a relief, then."

"What are you talking about?" The green of his eyes nearly swallowed me, and I found a tiny trace of genuine concern behind them, so miniscule I could barely notice it. "What happened?"

I wanted to disappear into a heap of nothing; it was so embarrassing that I had let this happen. My pride was definitely trying to choke the life out of me. "My phone broke," I breathed, automatically reaching for the hem of the sweatshirt out of nervous habit-- I felt my cheeks flush, nervous to be revisiting the moment that had haunted me all day.

Roman's brows furrowed, unsure how to react; "You made it sound like something really bad had happened. I could buy you a new one, no problem," He watched me pick at the sweatshirt, now reaching out for my hands to stop my destructive fidgeting.

I let out the breath I had been holding the second our fingers intertwined, feeling the roughness of his hands against mine. My eyes rested on the black hair ties he still wore around his wrist, a blooming warmth igniting in my chest and wading through all my anger. I was so swept up in the moment, comforted by the way he squeezed my hands twice, that I didn't catch the moment the sleeves of the sweater bunched up and revealed the cuts on the back of my hands. "You don't need to buy me a new phone, don't be ridiculous," I said, watching a single strand of his brown hair slowly fall over his eyes as he glanced down. "I'd feel bad--"

"What's this?" Roman's grip around my hands tightened, now bringing them up to his face. 

It felt as though my breath had gotten lodged in my throat as I watched Roman's widening green eyes scan the surface of my hands. His brows drew together once more, thumbs swiping over the unhealed wounds. The touch made me hiss, attempting to get out of his grip, but to no avail. "It's the neighbour's cat," I tried. "I bent down to pet it, and--"

"This is not from a cat," Roman's gaze darted up to meet mine, suddenly a lot more intense than usual. "I'll ask you again, what happened?"

I tried to squirm out of his hold once more; "It's not important, Roman... Forget it, please. Actually, I'm going to have to ask you to leave--"

"Tell me,"

"No, seriously, drop it! Can't you just go?!--"

Roman's grip around my hands tightened further, almost to the point of making me wince. "Tell me," His pupils widened at an eerie rate, transfixed on mine. It felt as though his words were echoing through my head, and it didn't take long before I suddenly felt as though my inner monologue froze over.

And before I knew it, my mouth had a mind of its own; "They broke my phone,"

"Who?"

I really, really tried to fight it. Getting Roman involved in this drama was certainly not ideal, and I did my best to push away the urge to tell him; why was it so strong, all of a sudden? It almost felt as though he was controlling my mind, but it was ridiculous to even think so-- that was obviously impossible. Right? 

I eventually got around to answering; "Jasmine," 

"... Who?" Roman was beginning to sound like a really confused owl.

"Jasmine," I echoed. "Letha's friend. She brought a few girls over to my table and smashed my phone. Called me a whore."

Roman was silent for a few seconds, his face going unnaturally blank. "These cuts are from your phone?"

"Yeah,"

"And she did it because you're with me?"

"... Yeah," Did he just insinuate that we were together? I held my breath, unsure why my mouth wasn't adhering to my orders-- I so desperately wanted to point it out, but I physically couldn't. What on earth was happening?

Roman hummed, his grip around my hands loosening. "What else did she say?"

I blinked several times in an attempt to get out of the trance-like state I found myself in, but nothing seemed to be working as long as Roman's gaze was locked on me. "She said she's gonna make my life a living hell," As I sniffled, I realized tears were pooling in my eyes. I squeezed them shut, shaking my head to try to snap out of it once more. "I- It's fine, though." It dawned on me that the trick was to not look at him-- I finally started feeling like myself again. "I just need to talk to Letha and check out the options for a truce, or whatever."

As I dared to open my eyes, I watched his blank face. Something about the lack of reaction was unsettling, on the border of uncomfortable, and it almost made me want to squirm. It was in this silence that a thick, red drop of blood suddenly made its way down Roman's nose, and he didn't react when it met his lips. It was almost as though he had frozen to his place on my roof, and I couldn't remember the last time he had blinked.

My eyes widened, concern filling my body. "You're bleeding," I breathed, trying to get my hands out of his. "Let me get something for you, Roman, it's gonna run down to your shirt!--"

Abruptly, he got up with a quickness I hadn't seen in him before, still not saying a word. Suddenly, I couldn't help but notice it-- the hickey on the right side of his throat. One he wasn't even trying to cover up. Despite how much Roman kept denying wanting to be with me, here he was, getting up to do God knows what whilst quite literally baring my mark on his skin.

I watched him, my brows drawing together in complete and utter confusion. "Roman?" Calling out his name didn't seem to do anything; he let the stream of blood run down his chin, now dripping down onto his shirt. I could only look up at him, unsure why he was acting like this.

Finally, Roman spoke; "Living hell, you say?" His voice was low, threatening-- it was suddenly clear to me that he had gotten a very dark idea.

These sorts of proclamations coming from a guy who had an affinity for pricking girls with needles genuinely concerned me. I got up from the window sill, ready to climb out onto the roof to join him. "Come on, Roman, let's just talk!--"

It was as though he was on auto-control, rushing to the edge of the roof before turning around to climb down. My heart beat hard in my chest as I nearly lunged out of my window, hoping to reach him in time. "Hey, where are you going?!" 

I didn't make it-- Roman had already managed to land on the grass beneath him, his long limbs an apparent advantage, and he was now storming down my lawn towards his car. 

"Roman!" I yelled, crouching down on the edge of my roof; this was definitely not looking good. My mind kept racing as I gave up trying to catch up to him, burying my face in my hands. 

I was screwed. I was so screwed. 

(a/n: check out part 1, part 2, and part 3 if you haven't!! thank you for reading, more to come!!<33)

[silverskye13]

"So I'm about to say something really... Hmm... Weird," Joe said as he leaned against the building, arms crossed.

"Is that supposed to be news to me?" Cleo asked, rifling through her bag and pulling out two apples. She passed one to Joe, and he took it.

"If it were, I don't think we'd be friends."

"I figured."

"Anyway it's a little weirder than normal."

"I'll be the judge of that, I think."

Joe shrugged, took a bite of his apple and said, "So, one of the arguments against a benevolent God -- don't look at me like that I told you it was weird -- anyway, so, if God was so nice, would he have put a bomb in the Garden of Eden?"

Cleo blinked at Joe for a long moment.

"Sorry, I'll back up a little," Joe smiled apologetically. "How much do you know about human theology?"

"I've been human before Joe," Cleo glowered, pulling a knife from her pocket and cutting a small piece away from her apple. "That's just a really strong lead."

Joe shrugged. "Did you expect anything different?"

"No, it's just a little early for theology today."

"We can talk about something else, if you want."

A shout interrupted their conversation. Grian sprinted past, laughing maniacally and apologizing in the same breaths. Doc followed quickly after him, shouting curses and insults. Joe and Cleo both took contemplative bites of their apples and watched the two run.

"No, I want to see where this conversation is going," Cleo said finally, slicing another piece of her apple off.

"Okay, so, some people believe God is all-knowing, all-powerful, and also, all-benevolent," Joe continued, twisting his apple stem with every adjective. "But if He were all of those things, why would He make a bunch of curious humans, tell them they could touch everything except one specific big red button, and, knowing they would definitely press it, just sit back and watch?"

"I wasn't aware buttons and bombs existed at the same time as the Garden of Eden."

"One could argue the whole Soddom and Gammorah thing was bomb-like."

"That was definitely, definitely meteors, Joe."

"Also the bomb thing is an analogy, and you know it's an analogy."

"What are we analogy-ing?" Mumbo asked, flaring his elytra as he landed beside them.

Cleo pulled a third apple from her bag and passed it to him, "Pretty sure Joe is comparing you to God."

Mumbo took the apple, looking incredulous. He gave a laugh that was half nervous, half confused. "I-- well that's-- that's very flattering Joe. I didn't realize you thought so highly of me."

"You would think that," Cleo smirked, slicing off another piece of apple.

"What?"

"So the question stands," Joe continued as though neither of the interruptions took place. "If God is good, why did he put a big red button in the Garden of Eden?"

Mumbo opened his mouth, and then deciding he had no idea what this conversation was about, actually, he closed it again.

"Maybe God was feeling optimistic that day," Cleo offered. "Or maybe even gods need to screw around and find out sometimes. For instance, I know this apple is definitely going to rot in me later, but I'm also definitely still eating it."

"Fair point," Joe said, twisting off his apple stem and flicking it to the ground. "So maybe God can make mistakes, or He was curious, or there was something ineffable going on at the time. But if God did it twice," Joe gave Mumbo a sideways glance, "would that be screwed up or what?"

Mumbo opened his mouth again, closed it, opened it again.

"Mumbo a fly is going to buzz in there if you aren't careful," Cleo said.

"Okay, okay. I can see where -- okay. So, first off, I'm not God," Mumbo said, and then paused, because Scar was screaming and running past them now, followed shortly by Grian, who was followed shortly by Doc. Then he continued, "Also this isn't Eden."

"It's an analogy," Joe reminded him unhelpfully, smiling warmly.

"Also how was I supposed to know this would happen again?"

"That Grian would push a button, or that Grian would push a button specifically to mess with Doc?" Cleo asked innocently.

Mumbo opened and closed his mouth again eloquently.

"You've gotta admit, at this point it is starting to look intentional," Joe pointed out.

"What's starting to look intentional?" Jevin interrupted, landing amidst the group standing on the fringes of the shopping district. Cleo offered him another apple.

"A malevolent God," Joe answered.

"My button," Mumbo grumbled at the same time.

"The hubris of man," Cleo added, because it seemed relevant.

"I HAVE BEEN STANDING HERE FOR THIRTY-SIX HOURS GRIAN. THIRTY-SIX." Doc screamed, passing so close to the four onlookers in his chase, they could no longer talk over his yelling. "I WANT THAT CROWN IT BELONGS TO ME."

Grian slid across the grass, narrowly dodging Doc's thrown axe. He threw the gaudy purple crown he'd stolen to Scar, who sprinted off in another direction with it. Doc roared angrily, "I LET YOU TOO OFF EASY LAST TIME BUT NO MORE! I WILL RAIN TNT AND FIRE ON YOUR BASES! I WILL TEAR THEM APART BLOCK BY BLOCK I WILL--!"

"I'm sorry Doc!" Grian cackled, not sounding sorry at all, "It's just -- you're so fun to mess with!"

He and Scar spread their elytras and leaped into the sky, followed shortly by Doc, who was still shouting.

Jevin, Cleo and Joe all turned to look at Mumbo, who rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

"Okay so... Maybe it's possible, yes, I could have foreseen this happening," Mumbo said begrudgingly. "But I mean, it's not all that bad, is it?"

"We do have a lot of fun fighting wars," Jevin agreed, shoving his entire apple into his face. It hovered blue-tinted in his opaque slime for a moment before rapidly dissolving.

"You would, Jevin," Cleo smiled.

"Sleep with one eye open, Cleo," Jevin replied conversationally.

"Some of our best mini games came out of the Mycelium War," Joe observed, taking one more bite out of his apple.

Mumbo looked down at his apple contemplatively.

"So the question still stands," Cleo said, after a long pause had passed between them, "is Mumbo evil for inflicting The Button Game on us the first time, or the second time?"

Joe shrugged, "I think like all religion, the answer is subjective. Doc would argue yes. Grian would argue no."

"That wasn't a yes-or-no question," Jevin said.

"I would argue I'm still not God, so this is a terrible analogy, actually!" Mumbo shouted defensively, and then took a bite of his apple, closing the subject.

[dreamescapeswriting]

Stray Kids Reaction || You're An Idol And You're Revealing Your Relationship

⤜Copyright: © DreamEscapesWriting - January 2024

⤜MASTERLIST

A/N: I’ve tried to get them all different which is why some take place on stage and others in other situations, Hope that’s okay love. 

CHAN:

Chan had somehow gotten it into his head that the best time and place for the two of you to reveal your relationship to the world would be at a concert in Sydney. He figured it would be a good place, the place he grew up in would be the first place to know all about his love for you. You'd even managed to make sure your schedules aligned and you could be alongside him when he did it all.

"So this is the part of the show where we get to talk to you all and let you know what's been going on in our lives," Chan spoke clearly into the microphone but anyone could see his hands were shaking a little. You knew he was nervous about this and who wouldn't be? You were practically biting your nails down to the bed.

"As you all know Yn and I have been friends for years, ever since I came to Korea..." Chan began to go on a whole speech about you, your whole body heating up as you listened to him compliment you in every way.

"There's something we need to tell you though...Yn and I are no longer friends." The crowd began to "awh" to him and the boys all smirked over at you behind the stage.

"We're together...Romantically." Chan added with a giant grin on his face, opening his arms for you to come out on stage and you froze for a second. Waiting for anyone to be booing but they all seemed to be cheering so you ran out there and smiled, hugging your boyfriend's chest.

MINHO:

It was only a matter of time before rumours of your relationship with Minho began to spread and you, and your team, had already prepared for it. Minho and you had released a song together a month back and now it was beginning to circulate that the two of you were in a relationship - which was true. The song had been your company's idea of soft-launching your relationship to the world, even the music video featured you and Minho doing a lot of couple-like things and everyone seemed to be reacting well to the news. Some even said they'd seen it at the start of your "friendship."

"You all know I released a song with Minho recently, and tonight we thought we'd give you a special performance!" You yelled out into the microphone, smiling brightly as people inside the arena cheered your name. Minho walked out onto the stage, smirking at you as he stood beside you.

"Before we start though, we have to let you in on a secret," Minho told them, winking at you before you both told them all you were in a relationship. None of them seemed surprised by the news but it was safe to say they were excited by the screams that they were letting out.

CHANGBIN:

Changbin was looking at you as he nervously bounced his leg up and down on the spot, it was obvious that the two of you were nervous about what you were going to do since it wasn't approved by either of your managers.

"You're sure about this?" You whispered to him, your relationship had already been rumoured since the start but this was going to be the first time either of you was going to be confirming it and live on air was a pretty insane way to do it.

"More than," He whispered back, squeezing your hand as the camera panned over to you both.

"Welcome back! We're joined by Changbin and Yn who are here to be interviewed about what it's like working in the same company in different settings," The cameras felt like they were suddenly burning a hole into your skull and you smiled warmly, trying to ignore the anxiety bubbling inside of you. The interview started off easy, you were asked if there was much difference for you than Changbin since he was in a group and then you continued to talk about your scheduling.

"Is there anything else we should know?" Was the question you'd been slightly dreading but you looked at Changbin and both smirked,

"Well, dating in companies is usually forbidden but...You can't help where you find love." Changbin stated, gasps were heard from inside the studio and you didn't dare turn to look at your manager who was no doubt cursing you out.

"Are you confirming the rumours?!" The presenter seemed more excited than you and you nodded with a small laugh, the interview completely derailing and going on about the two of you.

HYUNJIN:

It was Hyunjin's first-ever solo interview and it was safe to say he was more than a little nervous, in fact, he was extremely nervous and not because of the interview. He'd done so many at this point that they were a walk in the park, all of them except this one. This was one different because it was going to be about him revealing his relationship with you. It was a fashion function he'd been invited along to which you happened to be performing at and you both decided to debut your relationship tonight.

"You look fantastic tonight, who dressed you?" Hyunjin began to explain his outfit in detail and did a small spin for the cameras who all began to take photos of him. 

"Is there anyone you're looking forward to seeing tonight?" Hyunjin looked over his shoulder at you, you were already heading inside of the venue and he turned back to the cameras.

"My partner, Yn, I cant wait to watch them perform live and show my love for them." He winks before the interviewer bombarded him with more questions about the two of you.

JISUNG:

Dispatch was getting ready to tell the world about their couple of the year and you knew it was you and Jisung, you'd been warned by JYPE and your managers that your relationship was going to be outed to the world and you'd both decided you were going to be at everyone to it.

"Thank you, everyone, for coming tonight, I know you're all also excited to go home and learn about dispatch's new couple." You teased into the microphone, it was the end of your concert and you were getting antsy about what you needed to do.

"But I have some exciting news to share with you exclusively." You smiled warmly before some soft music began to play in the background.

"I've always wanted to be ahead of a big company like dispatch so, your couple reveal is..." A drumroll sounded before photographs of you and Jisung began to play on all of the big screens, one of your most romantic songs playing alongside it as people screamed out in surprise.

"Now you get the first look before anyone," You laughed a little as Jisung ran out onto the stage, engulfing you in a huge hug.

FELIX:

"What's the cheesiest pickup line you've ever heard?" The interviewer asked as you let out a small laugh thinking back on the one that Felix had said to you,

"You’ve got a lot of beautiful curves, but your smile is absolutely my favourite." You repeated it with a huge laugh, your whole body heating up as you remembered him suddenly telling it to you as he got out of the shower one night.

"Who told you that one?!" She laughed wildly as you shook your head at her, your eyes welling up with tears from how hard you were laughing.

"My boyfriend-" The whole world seemed to stand still as you realised what you'd just said and you could have sworn you were sweating buckets.

"Boyfriend? Is this a first hand-exclusive?" She wiggled her brows at you and you threw a glance over your manager who shook her head before nodding at you since there was no going back now and the interview turned into a whole questionnaire about your relationship.

SEUNGMIN:

It had been a silly fight that you and Seungmin had before he went out on stage earlier that night and you regretted it ever since, you were just a little fed up with hiding all of the time and you were worried it was going to be this way forever or that he ashamed of you or something.

"There's something I need to tell you all," Seungmin announced, the boys all staring at him confused. It was the end of the show and they were all getting ready to leave the stage.

"For a while, I've been keeping a huge secret and it's time I let it off my chest." Staff behind the stage began to yell at one another asking what he was doing and you stared at him with widened eyes.

"Yn and I have been together for a long time and I refuse to hide it anymore. I don't want them to think I'm ashamed when I love them more than anything else." He smiled brightly as people in the crowd began to "awe", your whole body was shaking as you stared at Seungmin who was gesturing for you to go onto the stage. 

"Yn and I are in love...I love them and they love me." He spoke as you took his hand in yours and smiled, hiding in his chest a little as flashes of cameras filled the arena.

"You're Crazy Kim Seungmin." You whispered as he stared down at you,

"Crazy about you."

JEONGIN:

It had all been an accident, a happy accident but an accident nonetheless. The boys were all on stage talking about their breaks and what they'd gotten up to on their small break from idol work and Jeongin talked about how he spent time with family and people he cared about. Only Jisung blurted out that he'd also been spending most of his time with you going out to different restaurants all over the country. It was something that maybe could have been swept under the rug and passed off as two friends spending time together if it hadn't been for Jisung also blabbering out that the two of you had been together for almost a year.

"You're a walking-talking idiot," Jeongin told him as you groaned at them coming over to you after the show had ended. By now the news had spread like wildfire and you knew there was no getting out of this one and your managers were going to have a field day with it.

"At least it's out in the world, neither of you has to worry about a giant reveal," Jisung offered a weak smile and you laughed softly, hugging him from the side.

"You can fight with my manager about it," You joked before shaking your head and congratulating the boys on a great show.

@chiisaiblog @sw33tnight @kaitieskidmore97 @laylasbunbunny @stayconnecteed @saymyspringrain @toplinehyunjin @katnisspeetaprim @acciocriativity @just-aelia @choisoorin @straykids5star @midnightfrog625 @beccaskz @scarletemeterio @halesandy @junhannies @gothic4under4lord @lixie-phoria @soulphoenix1618 @aerastus @jin-from-the-block @lensfilm @elizaschuyler18 @piratequeen-impact @kpopsstuffs @chaeyoungs @delulu18 @xyahrinx @katsukis1wife @anthropologymajorkpopmultistan @blairscott @4-chan-inpadella @niktwazny303 @moonlight-the-writer @armystay89 @hadassahchan @yxngbxkkie @myyouthdonut @extrhotjne @ca11me3mily @elissasimp @xakx @sleepb @kittymaryam-thebrowniefairy @kpopmenace143 @minhosify @loveforred @b1nn1e-1s-cut3

[gguk-n]

Safe Haven (Carlos Sainz x Reader)

Thank you for the 200 followers. I'm having a lot of fun writing. Hope you guys enjoy this celebration post!!

Summary- Meeting Carlos was the best thing to happen to you.

{Reader's POV}

Ever since Carlos and I had gone public with our relationship; all the people I had avoided informing of our relationship had found out from the news. It was hard to miss when the world like to talk about who the girl was hanging on to one of the hottest F1 driver was.

The one person I had avoided telling about my relationship with Carlos the most was my own mother. Our relationship was always a tough one; she never could accept my choices or decisions. I've lost a lot of partners because of her. Either she would convince me or them that we weren't meant to be; and the next day I was crying on the bathroom floor.

I met Carlos after a particularly bad break up where the guy cheated on me because my mother said I was cheating on him and he should get me back. I really loved him but I felt like the stars had aligned when I met Carlos at the Real Madrid match I was dragged to by my roommate who was tired of watching me mope. The match wasn't very memorable but the guy I was sat next to was. I didn't know he was some formula one driver; all I knew was he was some hot Spanish guy who's voice made a shiver run down my spine. We exchanged numbers at the end of the night and stayed in touch for a while before we could meet up for a date. The date was beautiful and magical just like the fairytales.

We'd been dating for almost 2 years when I finally agreed to go to one of his races. I had moved out from the town that held me back and far far away from my mother. I felt like I was invincible at this point. I guess I forgot what she was capable of. The moment my face was plastered all over the news, my phone wouldn't stop ringing. I was scared. Carlos didn't know the extent of my hurt and why I avoided my mother.

Until a few days after the race, Carlos was out cycling with his friends and I was busy making cookies when I heard the door ring. Thinking it was Carlos, I opened the door; only to be met with the one person I was trying to run away from. "What are you doing here?" I asked, a tremble in my voice. "I heard you got yourself a rich and famous boyfriend. Won't you introduce me to him?" she asked while trying to look behind me. I tried to close the door but she was strong and walked right in. "Can't believe you actually found someone, gullible enough" she sneered taking the whole house in. My hands were shaking and there was a lump in my throat. "The house is big and looks expensive. You must be giving him a good reason to keep you around." she jeered. "Can you leave?" I asked, unsure of anything. "I could but then I wouldn't get to meet this boyfriend of yours, now would I" she replied taking a seat on the couch.

"Why are you here?" I asked, finally finding some strength. "Isn't it obvious? You got rich and famous and forgot your poor old mother who raised you?" she said solemnly. If I didn't know better, I would've been fooled. She leaned back on the sofa, "Come sit darling. It's your house after all" she said, patting the space next to her. I quietly took my place on the sofa next to hers. "I'm hurt. I see you after years and this is the kind of welcome I get" she sighed. "What do you want, now?" I asked more boldly. "I don't get what he sees in you" she started avoiding my question. "You're not pretty or petite like those models, or have money or fame that you can offer. Must be the sex. Am I right?" she asked. I was disgusted at what she said. "Good thing you learned how to please a man. The previous one had to find solace in another woman's arms because of you" she tsked. "He wouldn't have, if you hadn't lied" I spat. "I was only looking out for him" she smiled. "Carlos won't want you around once I'm done talking" she smirked. "He's different, he loves me." I cried out. "Oh dear, all men are the same. They'll leave for a better thing any day." she replied.

As if on queue, I heard the door open and Carlos called out, "Carino, I'm back and I have your favourite cheesecake from that shop you love." I sat there with bated breath. The moment he came in view, I quickly strode towards him. He had placed the cake in the kitchen and wrapped his arms around me, giving me a quick peck. I turned towards my mother and introduced him to her. "Babe, this is my mother. Mom, this is my boyfriend, Carlos." I said. Carlos sensed my unease with my posture to the way I was shaking slightly. He placed a hand on the small of my back and raised his hand to shake my mother's. "Nice to meet. Mrs Y/L/N. I've heard so much about you" he said. "Sadly, I haven't. You'd think that after you grow, birth and raise a child they'd care about you at least. But she left me to rot" she fake cried; the crocodile tears ready to fall. My heart was beating out of my chest. I felt weak and a part of me was scared that what if he listened to my mother and then what. "Mom, you should go, we have somewhere to be." I said, standing my ground. "What a shame? I was hoping to have lunch with you. Carlos, sweetheart, if she ever troubles you; give her a good beating, she's quite docile. I've let her loose and look at the trouble she is causing us both." she said, shaking her head. I felt like throwing up. Carlos was shocked, "Why would I hit her?" he asked. "It's ok darling, all righteous men hit their wives to keep them in line. I mean if you'll make this whore your wife that is" she snickered. "Y/N isn't a whore and I do plan on making her my wife" he replied disgusted at what my mother said.

"I would like it if you would stop disrespecting my girlfriend and leave right now." he asked politely. "Where would the fun be, if I left?" she asked. "Please leave before I call the police" he said sternly. I was shaking violently at this point, all those memories, resurfacing. Thankfully Carlos was able to get her to leave. When he came back after locking the door, I crashed in his arms. "Are you ok, hermosa?" he whispered. I started to cry, "Please don't leave me. I don't know what I'll do without you. I love you so much" I cried out in one breath, holding his shirt tightly. "I will never leave you, hermosa" he replied now carrying me to the sofa. We sat down in each others embrace while I cried my heart out. His shirt wet from all the sweat and my tears.

After I had calmed down, "I didn't know it was this bad" he whispered. "She's the reason my last boyfriend cheated on me" I mumbled. "Well, he was stupid. Good he left. That way I found you." he said while smiling. I finally smiled at him for the first time since my mother came. "Don't listen to anything she says. She doesn't know me, she doesn't know us. I love you so much and I would never let anything happen to you" he comforted. I gave him a hug, burying my face in his neck. He placed me on the sofa before getting up to go to our room. I thought he was going to get changed but instead he came back with something in his hand. "I had elaborate plans that my sisters were helping me in. But this is a better time then any." He said, while getting on one knee. My hands were on my mouth. "I love you since the day I first saw you at the Real Madrid match. I'm so happy that we were sat next to each other. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you do me the honour by marrying me?" he stated. "Yes" I croaked out, giving him my left hand. He got up and kissed me. "I'll make sure no one can hurt you ever again. Not even your mother" he said giving me a kiss again. I smiled into the kiss wrapping my arms around him, knowing I was finally safe. "My sisters are gonna kill me, I asked them to plan such an elaborate proposal" he laughed. "I think they'll understand" I said, smiling at him. "Yeah, they love you more than they love me anyways" he chuckled. I was happy I thought while looking at the ring on my finger.

[spencerrsmopbucket]

When It Rains, It Pours | Spencer Reid

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader Summary: After a frustrating and long case, Spencer walks you home from a late night of paperwork. To your luck, it starts pouring. But are you really so unlucky? Word Count: 3,065.

Normally, you had nothing but good things to say about your line of work. You loved it, in all honesty. You loved helping people, you were interested in the inner workings of people's minds, and you enjoyed the fast paced energy of the job. Even more, you loved your co-workers. They were your best friends. But sometimes.. Work got frustrating.

You hated when things were slow. You hated when you couldn't figure things out. You hated when you felt time slipping through your fingers, feeling helpless. And this last week had been all of that combined. You'd been in Maine on a case; the most frustrating case you'd ever been on. It was a week long, spent mostly in offices staring at information you'd already read fifteen times. And when you finally got into the action, you had to go hand to hand with some greasy farm hand with no backup.

You'd even been spit on by the Unsub. And even worse? It got in your mouth! And now, you sat in the bullpen at your desk, filling out piles of goddamn paperwork.

You were almost sure you were going to go crazy. It was eerily silent in the bullpen, besides the slight noise of Spencer Reid, your colleague and friend, beside you. You were so bored that you began to study him.

Every so often, he'd make a slight hum or a 'tsk' at something on a file. For someone that could read 20,000 words a minute, he worked quite slow. But at least he was thorough. You couldn't lie; he wasn't the worst person to spend time looking at. In fact, Spencer was rather cute, though you'd never admit it to anyone.

You were attracted to his mind, before anything else. He was so incredibly smart, so much that it made you swoon. And he was playfully dorky. And witty. His wit went hand to hand with his humor. And after his mind, he was physically attractive. He had dark, curly hair and pretty brown eyes, combining well with his gorgeous smile and straight teeth. He dressed clean, in a dress shirt usually paired with a sweater or a vest. Sometimes, to your delight, he rolled his sleeves up to the creases of his elbows, showing off his strong forearms. And he--

Stop, you reminded yourself. You were supposed to be working.

To put it lightly, you had a massive crush on Spencer. It was something you battled with daily. You had to keep your swooning under wraps.

To interrupt your secret thoughts, Spencer cleared his throat, looking at you curiously.

"You okay?" He asked softly, noting how you'd zoned out. "If you’re zoning out, it’s actually your brain’s way of conserving energy. It shifts into a sort of default mode, which is why you might find yourself lost in thought. Studies show that the brain is almost as active during these periods as it is when you’re focused—just on different things." He explained, a half smile on his face.

You coughed, clearing your throat. Of course he'd noticed -- Spencer notices everything. It was just a bit awkward that he had noticed while you were thinking about him.

"Yeah." You smiled back, looking back down at the file you had been working on. "I'm fine. I'm just tired."

Spencer lets out a hum of acknowledgement, quickly reading something over on his own files before answering. "I understand. I'm tired too. I didn't expect to have so much paperwork for such a.. A lackluster case." He lets out a breathless chuckle.

You snort, leaning back in your chair.

"Me either. And of course we'd be the ones stuck here doing it."

Spencer shrugs, a half smile on his face.

"Better us than Hotch, I suppose. He'd be grumpy in the morning and we'd be paying for it."

Spencer was speaking the truth -- late night paperwork was Hotch's biggest downfall. It was becoming a thing for your colleagues and yourself not to even entertain the idea of letting Hotch do it. If he didn't, he'd have no reason to be so brooding in the mornings.

You and Spencer continued working in silence for a while, the rhythmic sound of typing filling the air and the quiet scratching of a pen. As the hour dragged on, the room grew quieter, the only noise coming from the occasional rustle of paper or Spencer’s soft hums of concentration. Eventually, you looked up at the clock: it was nearing midnight.

You groan, rubbing your temples. Being out this late sucked for you. You always woke up with a headache and wanting to throw yourself back under the covers; you weren't really a morning person to begin with.

Picking up your noise of frustration, Spencer glanced up at the time himself. He winced, and then his expression softened into one of thoughtfulness.

"It's getting pretty late," He said softly, glancing at you. "I know you don't live far, but.. I know you don't love the route so much. I could walk you if you like." He offers, a soft smile on his lips.

You could've actually swooned and dropped dead. You would've died happy. But you felt that it would be an inconvenience for Spencer to do this; he walked too, but his apartment was the opposite direction of yours.

You smiled back, a small blush spreading across your cheeks. You cursed yourself, but turned to answer Spencer.

"Um.. That's okay, Spence. You live the other way and I don't want to keep you out any later than you have to be."

Spencer pursed his lips.

"Actually, it’s no trouble at all. I know it’s a bit of a detour for me, but it’s more important to me that you get home safely with decreased anxiety," he says, offering you a soft smile. "Plus, it’s a nice break from paperwork, and I could use some fresh air myself. Consider it a small favor from a friend."

You inhaled to speak again, furrowing your eyebrows.

"Spen--"

"Name. Let me walk you home. Please?" He persisted, looking at you softly. "It would make me feel better. It's midnight and walking home alone in the dark can be risky."

You exhaled, nodding.

"Okay. Yeah, it would be great actually. Thank you."

He gave you a small smile, and you both gathered your things. As you walked out of the bullpen and into the night, the crisp air felt refreshing after hours of being cooped up inside. The streetlights cast long shadows, and the city was unusually quiet.

You walked in a comfortable silence. Spencer was right; you hated walking this route at night, in the dark. Despite being a federal agent, after hours, you didn't love the idea of being alone in situations like this. Surprisingly, you weren't even judged for it. It seemed that a lot of the team had the same hesitations with certain things.

You felt even better with how Spencer had positioned the two of you. He was doing something called the "sidewalk rule," usually typical of couples. He walked on the outside of the sidewalk, shielding you from the street and anybody on it, including the cars passing by. You were on the inside; the scariest thing you came into contact with were untrimmed hedges on apartment lawns.

Your position threatened to make you blush, but you somehow kept it down. You felt like a schoolgirl; it was like everything Spencer did made you want to kick your feet.

You and Spencer chatted casually eventually, the conversation drifting from case details to your mutual love of old detective novels. The night seemed to be winding down peacefully until dark clouds began rolling in, and a sudden crack of thunder startled you both.

“Looks like we’re in for some rain,” Spencer observed, his tone almost scientific, as if he were analyzing a weather pattern. Just as he finished speaking, the first heavy drops began to fall. You cursed under your breath, eyeing the dark clouds above you, the difference in color between the black sky and gray clouds.

"Damnit. I'm sorry, Spence.. I shouldn't have had you walk m--"

Spencer snorted, nudging you.

"Name. You have no reason to apologize unless you can see the future or make it rain. It's fine. It's just water." He said matter-of-factly.

It was as if your acknowledgement of the rain made it come down harder. Soon, it was pouring.

You both quickened your pace, but it was too late. The rain poured down, soaking you both within seconds. You laughed, the sound mingling with the patter of rain. Spencer looked over, his hair plastered to his forehead, and grinned back at you, clearly enjoying the unexpected adventure. Even in the horrible rain, he looked so attractive. The water traveled in drops down his face, the humored grin on his face shining in the street light.

“Let’s find some cover,” he suggested, his voice barely audible over the rain. He took your hand, rain making his grip slippery as he led you towards a nearby gazebo in the park, its structure providing a welcome respite from the downpour.

You blushed at the grip of his hand on yours, heat contrasting the coldness of the rain pouring around you.

Once inside, you both shook off as much water as you could, though you were still dripping wet. His hand left yours, almost making you shiver at the loss of his body heat. You couldn't help but feel disappointed. The rain continued to fall heavily outside, creating a soothing, rhythmic noise on the gazebo’s roof. The cool, damp air and the close proximity made the situation feel oddly intimate.

Your clothes were plastered to your body, soaked and dripping onto the wooden floor of the gazebo. You looked outside of the gazebo at the sky. It was covered with clouds, an occasional bright flash of lightning exposing them to you. You bit your lip, frowning.

Turning to Spencer, you found him already looking at you.

"Spence, I'm--"

He interrupted you, a small smile on his face.

"Don't apologize. This is kind of nice, in a way," Spencer said, shrugging. "You know, the rain, the quiet. It’s… peaceful. After a week of dealing with such grim things."

Spencer’s eyes met yours, and for a moment, there was a silence that spoke volumes. You could see the soft glow of the streetlights filtering through the rain-soaked air, casting a warm light on his face. He was so pretty this way, you thought. His curls dripped water and his warm brown eyes were just as expressive as usual.

Realizing your silence and your staring, you cleared your throat to speak. A blush spread across your cheeks yet again.

“Yeah, it is. Thank you for walking me home. Or trying, at least. I really appreciate it.” You mumbled, looking up at him.

A flash of something crossed his face, but you couldn't quite catch what it was. Spencer could sometimes be a difficult person to read. Probably because he was so different.

To your slight shock, Spencer’s gaze softened, and he took a step closer, his usually awkward demeanor replaced with something more confident, more vulnerable. “I’m glad I could. I’ve been wanting to spend more time with you outside of work. It’s nice to see you like this, just… relaxed.”

His words caught you off guard. Your face immediately resumed the blush you'd tried so hard to fight off; Spencer was unintentionally trying to kill you. But a flutter of hope and excitement spread through your chest, though you were sure he didn't mean it the way you wanted to perceive it.

The air between you and Spencer felt thick with unspoken words and unacknowledged feelings. The rain outside created a serene backdrop, making the moment feel softer. More approachable. You took a deep breath, trying to calm the stutter of nerves in your chest. It felt like this was an opportunity to finally be honest, to stop crippling yourself by stuffing everything Spencer made you feel inside.

"Spencer.." you began, your voice trembling slightly. "I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you tonight, even if it was under these… circumstances."

A beat passed. You almost began to regret what you'd said, hoping it didn't reveal too much, so that you could reword yourself if he didn't feel the same way about things.

Spencer’s gaze softened, his own nervousness evident in the way he avoided eye contact. Finally, he spoke. "I’m glad you feel that way," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I’ve been wanting to… well, I’ve been wanting to get closer to you, but I didn’t know how to say it."

You felt your heart stutter, a mix of hope and apprehension swelling in your chest. Closer? He wanted to get closer?

"Closer.. What do you mean?" you asked, your voice almost too quiet to hear over the rain.

Spencer hesitated, his hand reaching out slowly to gently touch your arm. The touch was light, almost as if he were afraid to impose. You almost would've thought an alien had taken over his body; Spencer was usually so avoidant of touch, a germaphobe and far too awkward for it. His eyes were soft, shyly looking at you in the hazy darkness.

"Like… this," he said, his fingers brushing against your skin. "I didn’t want to make things awkward or anything, but I’ve felt something more between us for a while. I just didn’t know how to… express it."

You couldn't believe it. If you weren't trained to keep things inside to avoid being exposed (FBI agent things), you would've squealed. You'd never dreamed that in a million years Spencer would be having this conversation with you, let alone touching you without being held at gun point to do so.

You looked up at him, your cheeks flushing as you felt the warmth of his fingers tracing your arm softly. "I’ve been feeling the same way, Spencer. I just didn’t know if you… if you felt the same." You admitted, exhaling shakily.

He nodded, a shy smile tugging at his lips. "I do. I really do. But I didn’t want to rush things or make you uncomfortable," He explained, his fingers tracing slow, lazy shapes on your upper arm, hesitantly like he expected you to pull away. "And I was, uh, a little bit.. Afraid, honestly. Scared of rejection."

You smiled back, feeling a rush of warmth on your face despite the chill of the rain. "I appreciate that. And I’m glad you told me. I’ve been wanting to… to get closer to you too. I just didn’t know how to start." You reply, struggling not to lean into his body, to receive more of his touch. "And if it's any consolation, I've been terrified to make any indication of.. this." You snort.

He chuckles, his touch spreading further across your arm. His full palm now rubbed up and down your bicep, spreading its warmth. The touch was innocent and soft.

Spencer’s eyes met yours, and for a moment, there was a gentle silence between you. Then, in a classic Spencer move, he spoke up again, his tone almost matter-of-fact. "Did you know that according to studies, sharing physical closeness with someone you care about can actually lower stress levels? The brain releases oxytocin, which reduces anxiety and creates a feeling of safety and comfort."

You blinked, caught off guard by his unexpected fact, and then chuckled softly. You knew better than to be shocked. This was Spencer. "That’s… actually really comforting."

Spencer’s smile widened sheepishly, still looking a bit shy. "I thought it might be relevant. So, um, if you’re okay with it, I’d really like to be closer to you, both physically and emotionally." He admits, a soft look in his pretty brown eyes.

Your feet moved before you could really register what you were doing. The rain created a soothing rhythm around you, seeing to match the stuttering beat of your heart inside your chest. The air was thick but cool, almost difficult to inhale. Bringing yourself even closer to him than you were seconds ago, you slid your hand over his, the warmth just as heavenly as it was when you'd first been running to the gazebo.

You felt Spencer's hand squeeze yours, a silent reassurance, though hesitant. Looking up at him, you met his eyes. God, you loved his eyes. They were so pretty. Soft, warm, comforting. Now, they were so much more telling than usual, as if he'd let you in. They showed fondness.

You stilled immediately, feeling him lean towards you. Your brain struggled against your heart; it told you to stay still, but your heart told you to lean forward to meet him.

Before you could make your choice, he was too close. Your face burned as he captured your lips in a soft, shy kiss. It was delicate, as if it was his first time ever kissing someone. You paused for a moment, realizing slowly what was happening, but then leaned into him; your dreams were coming true.

You pressed yourself closer to him, inhaling. He smelled like clean laundry and something light and fresh, a subtle aftershave or just one spritz of cologne. His lips tasted like coffee. He parted them slightly, deepening the kiss; the move was hesitant, but heavier than the softness from before. His hand slid from yours to your waist, gently pulling you tighter into him, as if giving you the choice to step away if you wanted to. Nothing about kissing Spencer was forceful; he was gentle, hesitant, as if every move he made was a silent question. It was a sweet, hesitant gesture, as if he were afraid to impose but hopeful that you’d respond positively.

When you finally pulled away from each other, you were slightly breathless, faces flushed with shyness and glowing with excitement.

Spencer looked at you with a hopeful expression. "Was that okay?" he asked softly, his eyes searching yours for reassurance.

You felt like you were going to explode. You were so happy, probably happier than you'd ever been in your life. Nodding, you smiled widely at Spencer, a breathless giggle falling from your lips.

"Yes. Absolutely."

Spencer’s smile widened, though he still looked a bit shy. "I’m really glad. I'm.. I'm not exactly the best with things like that," he explained, his hand still resting gently on your waist, warmth traveling through your cold, soaked clothes to your skin. "But I wanted you to know. I wanted you to know that I.. I feel that way."

You soften, reaching up to push his soaked curls from his face. He leaned into the gesture.

"I feel that way too."

"We feel that way together. We're.. We're together."

[axellis]

good morning im politely requesting people look at my post abt how the ancients see each other

under the cut some closeups + a ton of additional thoughts

hollyberry + golden cheese are also part of the crew of 'thinking pv is a bit naive', but he's also the most emotionally intelligent out of all of them and incredibly empathetic and thats something they both respect a whole lot .

dark cacao on the flipside can see how much of a mental toll being empathetic can be

white lily seems to have the most "whole" thought of pv - which would make sense, she's been with him the longest and has seen every facet that is pv. but even still her worries that he's too trusting of her are eating away at her thoughts- as such a pv shapeshifter made of her subconscious Would be way more naive .

in my head white lily's pv would be the last shapeshifter and in order to tell the difference between them white lily would ask if he ever doubted her . the real pv would say that he definitely struggled and had been lost and confused- but ultimately trusts her above all else . vs the shapeshifter who would just say "no I'd never doubt you" .

i didnt have room for it but i think dark cacao also recognizes hollyberrys seriousness . if you get drunk with someone enough times you'll start to piece together the really vulnerable moments you had with eachother . i think hollyberry and dark cacao have the closest relationship and im not saying this because im in love with both of them

golden cheese has a bit of a recollection issue and you can see that with hollyberry + cacao the most. golden cheese reminisces a Lot and that affects how she remembers the othera . hollyberrys is a bit of a trickier thing but in this instance golden cheese doesnt remember the braids. she knows hollyberry has a different outfit than before but doesn't pay it much mind

you might have noticed the pattern at this point of pure vanilla having a bit of a cutesy interpretation of all the ancients. he loves his friends so much that he has a bit of a harder time being critical of them. he thinks dark cacaos seriousness/grumpiness is endearing. to be honest its partly an inverse of shadow milks interpretation of the ancients (simple and positive vs simple and negative) but that wasnt entirely intentional. just interesting to notate now that im thinking of it

hollyberrys dark cacao is a bit of an inverse also to what i was talking about with dark cacaos hollyberry . shes seen the sweeter more heartfelt side of dark cacao and that shines through to her

if it wasnt for the outfit + hair, golden cheese's dark cacao would have probably been the last shape shifter standing

and i will stand by the dragon cacao headcanon till the day i die

golden cheese's was fun to think about bc of the little details that are different between the different shapeshifters- specifically in the neck area (bc thays the only portion you guys get to see) . dark cacaos is a bit more of a hanbok style, white lily has a turtleneck thing kind of happening, etc etc. i think pure vanilla has the most accurate idea of what she looks like .

i think white lilys interestingly enough would be the last one standing because i honestly dont think her golden cheese would even be talking with her :(( so we'd only really find out the difference when white lily's gc is forced to talk to her . white lily thinks that gc hates her and wants her gone but golden cheese's feelings are wayy wayyy more complicated. golden cheese doesn't want white lily gone she Is glad that she's back but its also hard. everything she loves is gone right now . but she's going to find a way to get it back- and if white lily can help than maybe that'll rekindle their relationship.

the cuteification beam still reaches for white lily despite how much pv knows her . i doubt this would help with white lilys feelings that pv is being naive bc shes looking at a shapeshifter based off of pvs subconscious and that subconscious is showing so mucy nostalgia it probably hurts

hollyberry in the past probably really babied white lily + pure vanilla because she Knows theyre not eating . shes observant as hell and will always demand they have at least one bite of something in order to figure out if they're Really "not hungry".

the last one would probably land on golden cheese's bc again . her feelings are complicated and as such her subconscious would showcase that multifaceted issue of "knowing this is your friend and also knowing your friend is responsible for your kingdoms destruction".

[painted-bees]

Raf's amount of self awareness and the amount of time he spends analyzing himself in his own head seemed a little far fetched until I got to the part about his past relationships and how badly things went despite having started therapy back then. It makes a lot more sense that he didn't get to this level of awareness and grace until way later after years of working on himself. But I really want to know how his relationship with Margie might have gone if he was less aware?

Oh, fun question lmao Assuming he never sees his behavior as something that he needs to work on: I think Margie's impulse to be honest and straightforward, and to wear her emotions on her sleeves would still have likely gotten her past his defenses and into a close relationship. But the closer/more important someone becomes to Raf, the more and more reactive/mercurial/mean he'd get. Those close relationships--the ones he treasures most--are the ones that pose the highest level of danger. They're the ones who'd hurt him the most if they betrayed him. Coupled with Margie's conflict-averse instinct to wilt, roll over, and apologize before considering if she'd even done anything wrong--we'd have likely seen a much more possessive and controlling Raf. We don't see that in his relationship with Lacey, because Lace would often bite back twice as hard, and was able to [very aggressively] assert boundaries with him. Margie, tho--so long as he kept encouraging and enabling her to make music, and providing warm, enthusiastic support on that front, she'd be easily convinced to change any behavior he didn't like--under the pretense that she was working on becoming a better, easier person to live with. I think, tho--if there ever arose a moment where he asserted that she couldn't pursue a music/career-related opportunity (that didn't require his involvement), if he threatened to take back all the 'nice things' he's given her as a tool of punishment/manipulation, or if he started discouraging her from vising friends or family--and if she couldn't reason with him on that front/it consistently resulted in a big argument every time--she'd end the relationship. She was, at least, raised well by her mother to identify that kind of situation as a 'get out now' 0 tolerance red flag of abuse. And--you know...if she had to do that, I think this would be the event that sees her move back home with her parents. Emotionally and psychologically, she'd lose a lot to this relationship. She'd need her family to help center herself again. Otherwise, Raf would likely sabotage the relationship for himself, and break things off with her over some catastrophic misunderstanding or another--where he is just unable and unwilling to hear her out and take her word at face value. But if certain lines are never crossed; if Margie learns to stifle/bury her excited impulses and exist as quietly as she is able to, and if Raf is able to pull himself back from enacting on paranoid compulsions just enough, he and Margie would probably find a tenuous but """comfortable""" stasis. Like with any relationship, they'd have moments both good and bad, catastrophes that maybe only resolve themselves for the convenience of it rather than out of a proper understanding, as well as tender moments of joyful whimsy, when the circumstances were right for it, that'd serve to remind them of why they're together in the first place and help bolster the staying-power of their relationship. But it'd all be balanced...very differently. They'd be a lot less fun, I think. Margie would have never suggested going to Cortes Island. She'd have been reluctant to suggest much at all. Raf would be stuck with the persistent suspicion that she resented him--and yanno--she might. But not for the reasons he'd think.