#if you guessed 'at age 25' you are correct!

[televinita]

My mom found some folders of old schoolwork from my brother in one of her desk drawers, and you know I POUNCED on the packet for the grade 3 reading project. I want to know what the kiddos are reading always. Plus, direct comparison to my third grade reading log. Anyway, he read...

My Side of the Mountain by Jean Craighead George (class-assigned, which, wow, that seems more like a grade 6 book? at least grade 4.)

And then four books he read independently --

The BFG

The Wreckers by Iain Lawrence (that is definitely a middle school read! it would have been shelved in the teen section of the public library back then, when the teen section encompassed protagonists as young as 12 or 13)

The Islander by Cynthia Rylant (Rylant Rep!!)

and...oh shoot, I have already forgotten. It was an orphan train book but not the one by Joan Lowery Nixon, something geared toward younger readers.

EDIT: i just remembered two more titles I saw in his handwriting, though I can't remember if they were independent or assigned reads or what the context was -- Frindle and The Phantom Tollbooth

[room-surprise]

How Old Is Thistle?

(EDIT: I've made a follow-up post to this one that goes deeper into the math and additional evidence that the 5:1 ratio is correct. You can read it here!)

I've seen people debating this and a lot of folks insisting that Thistle is a child, and since Thistle just debuted in the anime, I wanted to do a full write-up to help myself and others figure this out.

We don't know how old any of the Merini family members are exactly, so the best we can do is guess based on the information we have, but after carefully studying the manga, I think Thistle is at least a teenager, but much more likely a young adult, and definitely not a prepubescent child.

Here's what we know:

EDIT: Depending on what translation you read of some of the extra materials, Freinag implies that Thistle is the same age as some of his advisors.

Here's a detailed translation of this panel from my friend Fumi:

Elves age 5 times slower than tall-men.

16 year old tall-men in Dungeon Meshi's medieval time period are adults, they commonly join the military, get married, have children, etc.

An 80 year old elf is an adult. Pattadol is 82 and she's a lieutenant in a military unit. It's her first job and she's obviously a rookie, but Captain Flamela tells Pattadol to accomplish her mission or die trying.

Many fully adult elves look like what we might consider children or young teens, because they're short, petite, and have androgynous features.

An average elven adult is around 150-155cm tall (5 ft), meaning some are shorter than that, and some are taller. Thistle is 130 cm, which is short, but not unheard of.

Fleki is 130 (26) years old and she's 140 cm tall (4'7")

Otta is 137 (27) years old and she's 130 cm (4'5") tall, the same height as Thistle!

They are both women, but there's probably plenty of elven men in their height range.

Just so we can compare Thistle to some adult elven men, Mithrun and his brother are probably adults (or close to it) in the panel on the left.

Mithrun (in this image) is somewhere between 75 and 144 (probably in his 80's), and his brother is older than him (so he could be in his late 80s or 90s). As you can see, they don't look that different from Thistle, Otta or Fleki.

So, how old is Thistle?

(Spoilers below the cut)

Thistle was brought to the royal court as a child (found on the street, stolen or purchased, we don't know how they got him). At the absolute youngest I'd guess Thistle is 25 years old here (so about 5 years old for a tall-man.) He can already play the flute, and possibly the lute, and most children that aren't prodigies can't handle playing an instrument (physically or mentally) until they're around 5.

EDIT: We now know that Thistle is the same age as Freinag, the king that takes him in! So Thistle must be at least 25 years old in this comic, though realistically he could be anywhere from 25 to 40 based on how Kui drew Freinag.

He lived in the court for an unknown amount of time, Freinag hasn't changed much but Thistle appears to have aged a little, so let's say it's been 5 years and Thistle is 30 (6) when Delgal is born. More than 5 years could have passed, but I'm trying to keep the numbers low.

Delgal gets married and has a child. Delgal should be at least 15 at this point, but since he has a full mustache before his wedding, I think he's in his 20's, since teenagers tend to not be the best at growing robust facial hair.

(He has a full beard by the time Eodio's a young child.)

Thistle puts the kingdom inside the dungeon around this point, however, people are still aging: Delgal's grandson Yaad is born, and Eodio is clearly a young adult here, probably in his 20's. Therefore, there is NO REASON to assume Thistle stopped aging. "The dungeon lords don't age" is a common fan headcanon I've seen people spreading, but it has no clear canon basis.

Yaad ages until he looks about 13-15 years old, and at this point all of the people of the kingdom and Thistle appear to stop aging, and 1,000 years pass.

So, the youngest Thistle could possibly be, if he was 30 (6) when Delgal was born, if Delgal was 15 when he had Eodio, and Eodio was 15 when he had Yaad, and Yaad is 13 years old...

Is 73 years old, which would make Thistle about 14.6 years old by tall-man standards.

HOWEVER, I think it's VERY unlikely that all the characters are that young.

I think it's clear from Kui's drawings that Delgal and Eodio are not 15 years old when they become fathers, and that Freinag is at least 25 when he takes in Thistle.

If we assume Thistle was 30 when Delgal was born, and Delgal and Eodio were both at least 20 when they had children, even if Yaad is only 13 years old, that makes Thistle at least 83 years old (16.6), and makes him older than Pattadol, who is an adult at 82.

However, I think it's entirely possible that Thistle was anywhere from 40-50 when Delgal was born, and Delgal could have been anywhere from 20 to 30 when he had Eodio, and Eodio could have been anywhere from 20-25 when he had Yaad. If you use the maximum ages, and assume Yaad is 15, then Thistle could be as old as 120 (24).

I think a reasonable middle ground is assuming Thistle was 30 (6) when Delgal was born, Delgal had Eodio at 25, Eodio had Yaad at 20, and Yaad is 15... Which would make Thistle 90 (18) years old.

This of course says nothing about Thistle's emotional maturity or sanity, he's obviously stunted in some ways, but the point I want to make here is:

Thistle's age could be anywhere from 14.6 to 24 at the most extreme, but more realistically he's somewhere between 16.6 and 18.

And that's not even counting the thousand years that he's lived since then!

And that's all I've got to say about that 🙏🙏🙏🙏

(EDIT: Follow-up post with additional evidence here.) EDIT 2: I've seen a lot of people talking about the page Kui drew talking about elven earmuffs. It's considered just barely okay for Pattadol to wear them, but it's ok for Thistle to wear them... In which case I'd say Thistle could be any age younger than 83. That's handy as it knocks out some of the older ages!

So in that case Thistle's age is between 73 years old and 82, which makes him developmentally between 14.6 and 16.4!

[miss-oranje-disco-dancer]

the best crabs the bay area has to offer!

pairing: ex-husband leon x reader

cw: asshole leon, oral sex, mention of STIs, mention of degradation, leon's literally so gross and awful

summary: you and leon take the kids on vacation. leon fucks around per usual and you both find out why maryland is famous for crabs

a/n: sorry

wc: 3.8k

You and Leon got divorced years ago, citing ‘irreconcilable differences’ which meant his alcohol intake and workaholic tendencies got in the way of having a functioning marriage, but he begged you for joint custody. If the courts knew the truth, they’d give you full custody. In hindsight, you were angry with yourself for letting him guilt you into that arrangement—one week at yours, the next at his. You both lived in the same school district, so it wasn’t a problem in that regard. 

You’d just picked up the kids from Leon’s when they began to dish out gossip by their own volition. The little loud mouths got their loose lips from their father. 

Leon had a new “girlfriend” if you could call a woman under 25 the girlfriend of a man in his 40s. 

Your son, the older of your two children, was going on and on about some “Tara”.

“Who’s Tara?” You asked.

“Dad’s girlfriend,” he said 

“Not babysitter ‘Tara’?” 

Better not be, you thought.

“She used to be our babysitter,” he said, making you want to bang your head against the steering wheel.

Seriously, Leon? 

“She’s a whore,” your daughter said. You almost crashed the car.

“Excuse me? Where did you hear that?”

“Dad.” You should’ve known.

“Don’t say that word again, it’s not a nice thing to say about someone.”

“Then why did dad say it to Tara?”

“When did he say it to Tara?”

“I heard him in his bedroom and he said it.”

Jesus Christ, you thought, I guess that’s better than him verbally abusing a woman, especially in front of his kids.

“Okay, I’ll have a talk with him about his language.”

And you did. You texted him later that night.

You: Keep it down in the bedroom.

Leon:?

You: Your daughter just told me you called your girlfriend a ‘whore’. Very classy, Leon.

Leon: mad that I have a sex life?

You: Quit acting like a teenager. I could not care less about your sex life so long as you keep it away from my daughter.

Leon: u mean our daughter?

You: For now. You better learn to grow up if you want to keep it that way.

Leon: is that a threat? or is it menopause talking?”

You: Act your age not your girlfriend’s age.

Leon sent an eye-rolling emoji and that was the end of your chat.

You ended up sipping a margarita next to Leon at a tacky beach bar. He was still so damn persuasive even post-divorce. 

“How’s Tara?” you asked after the alcohol had given you a bit of a buzz. 

“I wouldn’t know,” he said, nonchalantly.

“Left you for a man her own age?”

“Funny. I broke it off, actually.”

“Why? Was she getting too old? Got her first period and you couldn’t handle it?”

“Ha ha. She wanted to get serious, and I don’t need that kind of stress in my life right now. My blood pressure is high enough.”

“You’re just hooking up with women shamelessly? With your kids around?”

“I’m not just ‘hooking up’. At least, not when I have the kids.”

“Mommy!” your daughter called. 

“Hold this,” you said, handing your drink to Leon, “I trust you won’t spike it.”

“Won’t need to, sweetheart,” he said with a wink. 

You covered your hand from your kids to flip him off as you walked out onto the sand to look at the shells your daughter had found you. 

Leon took a good look at your ass in your swimsuit. 

“Damn, mama’s still got it,” he said to himself. 

A younger, blonder woman came over to talk to him. The prey stalked the predator, how unusual. 

“Sitting all alone?” she said in that voice. 

“At the moment,” he said, “My ex wife’s out there.” he pointed to you playing with the kids. 

“Ex?”

“Correct.”

“Are those your kids?”

“Uh-huh. The only good things she gave me.”

Though she was pretty good at giving head too, he thought. He began to miss it. 

When you walked back to your seat, Leon handed you your drink, and said, “Don’t worry, babe. I kept it safe for you.”

“Don’t ‘babe’, me,” you say sitting down.

“Why not? I thought you liked that.”

“When we were married. But, I don’t want my ex-husband calling me pet names.”

“‘Kay, babe.” You looked over to tell him off and he winked at you.

“I hate you,” you said. 

“No you don’t,” Leon said, walking off to God knows where.

You spied Leon snaking his arm around a pretty girl’s waist at the bar. The bartender ID’d her, though Leon got out his credit card, so you knew he was paying. He flashed his platinum American Express like Patrick Bateman and a part of you thought about how gross and pathetic he was for hitting on college-aged chicks as a middle-aged man, but the other part of you remembered that you didn’t get ID’d at the bar, and you began to search up plastic surgeons in your area.

He brought new Tara, who was actually named Kelly, over to your shared seating area. This new girl and the last were ostensibly the same – too young for him, great body, bimbo-ish.

You couldn’t hate her. She was sweet girl. Lacking in brain cells, but sweet. Leon left the two of you alone for a moment. He seemed torn between saying something euphemistic and polite to her and something more vulgar to you.

He settled on, “Uh, I’ve gotta go see a man about a horse.”

Kelly seemed to think it was funny, but it might just be the way he smiled when he walked away. You weren’t drunk enough to think he looked like anything other than a complete dumbass.

“Is he always this cute?”

“No, he’s on his best behavior right now.” Because you told him to be (and yet his best behavior was still a bit sleazy).

You figured Leon might be up to some other shenanigans because you didn’t see him for quite some time. Your kids came and went, showing you the things they found on the beach. They seemed to be unphased by this random woman you were sitting with – granted, she was good with kids. Maybe she’s a babysitter, too, you thought. It made you wonder how many girls Leon was bringing home while your kids were with him.

“You’re such a great mom,” Kelly told you. 

“Thank you. That’s really nice of you to say.” You were genuinely flattered. It was hard being the strict parent, a role you were forced to take on when you decided to procreate with Leon S. Kennedy.

“I hope one day I’ll be as good as you are.” You wanted to tell her that she could be, but not with Leon as a father. Not because you were possessive, but because Leon was a dickhead. You were pretty sure you caught him grabbing another woman’s ass while he was away on his errands, which turned out to include playing Keno. You were pleased to know he was being responsible with his salary.

“Hey, ladies,” Leon walked up from behind and stood between your chairs, “how’s it goin’?”

“Better before you got here,” you said. 

“Aw, don’t be like that,” he said, all pouty. He walked around to Kelly and whispered—loudly enough for you to hear - “hey, sexy,” and he kissed her on the cheek. She giggled, girlish. Ew. 

Leon spent a couple of days hanging out with new girl- no wonder he needed you to come on vacation with him and the kids. It was almost like having three kids, except Leon was shamelessly fucking the oldest of the three. Not in the condo you rented, of course. It didn’t matter that he was the breadwinner, he knew that you would’ve made a fuss about it in front of the kids. You probably would’ve called him a whore. Rightfully so. He was a whore.

You tried to forget about his antics and focus on the fact that your kids were happy. You spent your days walking along the boardwalk, playing skeeball at the arcade, sitting in a damp swimsuit at a local pizza chain, wiping ice cream off your kids mouths and washing sand off their feet. While Leon did whatever he pleased, as usual. This included getting a t-shirt that said “99 problems but a beach ain’t one” as well as a henna tattoo that matched Kelly’s.

The number one perk of your vacation was that it reminded you why you and Leon got divorced in the first place- Leon, his pathetic, dickish behavior. It made you forget all those nights you spent missing him. Your vibrator could never do what Leon could.

The only problem was: your vacation was scheduled for two weeks, but you only had one at that condo, the second was spent at another. You should’ve known by now that you needed to book your beach rentals earlier in the season, or else you’d have to scavenge for a place with even one week available.

The first place had three rooms, so you and Leon could sleep in separate beds. The second only had two, which meant you were stuck with a roommate for the remainder of your vacation. You had secretly hoped that he would spend more time with Kelly, maybe even cozy up to some of her sorority sisters and get himself a bed at their place. But alas, Kelly’s spring break was only one week, so she had to return to school before your vacation was up.

You didn’t doubt Leon’s ability to find another girl, especially when this beach town was swimming with doppelgangers. For whatever reason, he stopped flirting with other women. You expected him to be slutting himself out to every waitress at Seacrets, aka the bay’s tackiest bar. Maybe he really liked this girl, you thought. That would be laughable.

On your first night in the new place, you put your kids to bed and retired to your room with Leon.

“Think you can handle sleeping in the same bed with me for a week?” he said.

“I did it for years. I think I can do a week.”

“But that was when we used to make sweet, passionate love and fall asleep in each other’s arms,” he said dramatically. 

“Yeah, well, too bad you and Tara are over because I bet she’d give you that.”

“Mm,” he hummed on his way to the bathroom, “could never do it like you, though.”

You must’ve misheard him, right?

“Huh?”

“You heard me,” he poked his head out of the bathroom door to meet your eyes and his expression, while mischievous, gave way to something genuine. 

You laughed it off, but had to hide the fact that he had you flustered. 

After a moment, you approached the bathroom door, which was cracked.

“Can I get in and brush my teeth?” you asked.

“Yeah,” he said with a mouthful of toothpaste.

You opened the door and shared the sink with him. Even in the white light over the bathroom mirror with toothpaste on his lips, Leon looked sexy as ever. That was the one thing that never changed about him. You met his eyes in the mirror and he winked at you. Goddammit. 

When he finished brushing, he slid past you to walk back into the bedroom, placing his hand on the small of your back. It was the smallest gesture. It could even be polite, he was just squeezing past you. It was normal. But it wasn’t. It was Leon, and he could read you like a book. He was playing the same game he always had and he was winning. 

When you walked back into the room, he openly ogled you from the bed. 

“Shirtless? Really?” you asked him, a facade of displeasure across your face. 

“It’s hot as hell.” He shrugged. “Especially with you in here,” he said much lower. 

“God, you’re so cheesy,” you said, while looking through your suitcase for pj’s. 

“You love it, though.”

“I do not.”

“Do too.”

You did, in fact, love it. Leon only had two modi operandi: he was either cheesy as hell or a total douchebag. When you put those two together, most would see it as charming. He was the kind of guy you’d want to take home, but not to a wedding chapel. He tricked you—and himself—into marriage with phenomenal sex. If that’s all there was to life, you’d still be married. 

“Leon, I lost my pajamas.” Either you left them at the last place, which was entirely possible considering you were so caught up in corralling the kids and shoving their stuff into their tiny suitcases. Or, Leon stole them. You doubted the second one because none of your panties seemed to be missing. You knew him to be a panty thief and you doubted that he’d reformed since your divorce.

He knew you were asking to borrow clothes, but he said, “Oh? Gonna go for the panties-only look tonight then? I don’t have a problem with it.” Oh, maybe he was the pajama thief all along. Maybe he was letting you choose what pair of panties he’d get to see you wear.

“I was going to ask to borrow a t-shirt.”

“Maybe you should’ve been nicer to me.” He clicked his tongue and gave you a smug smile. 

“Are you really going to be like that?”

You knew he was being a dick, but he’d give in if you really wanted it that badly. And yet, you let him continue to try to rope you into sleeping with him. He hadn’t asked for that yet, hadn’t even really hinted at it, but that’s what he always wanted, despite being in his 40s. You’d think a man’s sex drive would’ve gone down by then. 

“We could make a deal,” he offered.

“What’s the deal?” You crossed your arms. 

“Clothes off, then we’ll talk.”

You gave him a look, pretending to be pissed, but you got down to your underwear.

“Goddamn,” he said. 

“What?” you asked, covering up a bit. The thong you wore wasn’t exciting, just a thin cotton piece of fabric in a solid color.

“I’m regretting that divorce. You look even sexier than I remember.”

“Shut up. You want me because I’m the best option you have. I’m the only woman in the room and all you know how to do is think with your dick.”

“That’s harsh. You know it’s not true, though, babe. I’d choose you over any other woman.”

“You would not.”

“I wouldn’t? Didn’t you hear me say that no one ever does it like you?”

“You said one girl doesn’t do it like me.”

“I meant all of them.” He lifted your chin. “You’re the only girl I’ve ever married. Don’t you think that says something?”

You scoffed. “So it wasn’t about love? I was just the best sex you’ve ever had?”

“It was both. The sex was great, though, you can admit it.”

He was already pulling you into bed and you were letting him. It would be less embarrassing if you were more drunk. You had two drinks. Hours ago. You were both dead fucking sober. 

“I won’t tell anyone,” he whispered into your ear. 

“Fine. If you promise not to tell, then I’ll admit it. You’re the best I’ve ever had.”

“Really? No one better in all these years?”

“Nope.”

“You must think highly of me, then. I’m flattered, really, but who knows if I’d live up to those expectations.”

“Memories, not expectations.”

“Old memories. Maybe I’m not as good as I used to be… or maybe I’m better.”

“Are you trying to proposition me?”

“I’m not trying. I am.”

“I shouldn’t,” you said.

“Why not? This is probably the most wholesome sexual opportunity you’ve had in years. It’s romantic, really. We’re parents, taking the kids on vacation. It’s not like you’re some random chick from the bar. You’re the woman I married, the mother of my kids, the only woman I’ve ever loved.”

“I’m the only woman you’ve ever loved?”

“Yeah,” he said as if it should’ve been obvious. 

“You swear?”

“On my life,” he said, looking you in the eyes. 

“If I do this with you, you’re not going to make fun of me, or… I don’t know. You know how I am, I just don’t want you to be so flippant about it.”

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. How ‘bout we don’t have sex? How ‘bout I show you how I feel about you?”

You knew what he meant and you knew what he could do with his mouth. 

“How do you feel about me?” You asked. 

He cupped your cheek and leaned in close. “May I?”

“Mhm,” you nodded and he kissed you. It was sweet. It wasn’t dirty at all, at first. It was tender, almost loving. 

“Lie down,” he said in between kisses, “Get comfortable.”

And you obliged. Why would you refuse a man going down on you? He kissed you from your mouth down to your stomach, stopping to play with your tits, sucking on each of them. 

“They’re so perfect,” he mumbled. 

He pressed a kiss to each one before he makes his way downward. He tugged off your panties with his teeth and began kissing your thighs. 

“Would you give me the honor -” he started. 

“Shut up,” you said with a laugh. You pushed his head forward, urging him to get on with it.

He did as you asked and buried his face between your thighs. He has gotten better at this, you thought. You remembered a clean-shaven man who now had a five o’clock shadow. It tickled your inner thighs as his tongue ran over your folds. He sucked on your clit with meticulous reverence. 

You threw your head back and put your hands in his hair. It spurred him on further. He was the only man you’d ever known who understood the meaning of ‘don’t stop’. 

“Leon,” you moaned and he hummed in response, not taking his mouth away. “I’m so close,” you said. 

You could see his smile by the look in his eyes while his lips were occupied. His fingers curled against your g-spot and he pressed a hand on your abdomen to heighten the sensation. All the while, his tongue tended to your clit. Your orgasm hit you and you had to cover your mouth to hold back your moans. Leon didn’t stop until your legs were shaking and he’d licked up every drop you’d given him. 

He finally came up for air and you were still catching your breath. 

“Jesus Christ,” you said when he lied down next to you. 

He laughed, looking a bit proud of himself. 

“Do you want me to-?”

“Only if you want to, babe,” he said with a kiss on your forehead. 

“I wasn’t going to because I wanted to see if you could be selfless for once, but god, Leon, after that, I’d feel bad for not paying back the favor.”

“Hey, I’ll gladly accept, but you know I enjoyed myself quite a bit already. I wouldn’t call it selfless.” Yeah, that’s right: Leon was truly unable to be selfless, but at least you knew he genuinely enjoys going down on you. 

“I can tell,” you whispered, palming his hard cock. You could feel a wet spot forming already. 

“All for you,” he said.

“Why thank you,” you said as you dipped your head under the covers. 

You didn’t play the same teasing game Leon did. You made quick work of his underwear and got your mouth on his dick as quickly as you could. 

“God, I was so right,” he said, “Nobody does it like you. Not even close.” He groaned when you cup his balls. You could tell he was getting close already, so you took him as deep as you could. He had to bite his knuckles to hold back moans. 

He only took his fingers away from his mouth to warn you, panting, “Gonna come.”

You appreciated the warning, but as usual, you kept going, letting him come down your throat. Spitters are quitters.

You emerged from the covers to see his dazed expression. He smiled stupidly at you, “Thank you.”

“My pleasure,” you said. 

“Still want that shirt?”

“I think your arms should be warm enough.”

“I think so too,” he said as he pulled you into a hug.

You laughed and covered your face. 

“What’s so funny?” he asked.

“I can’t believe I just did that. I fucking hate you, and you still got me in bed with you.”

“Maybe you don’t hate me that much, then.”

“No, I hate you even more because you’re so damn charming. And sexy. And cheesy.” Maybe that orgasm was a truth serum.

“Well, I don’t hate you,” he said.

“I’m shocked.”

“I thought I showed you how much I love you a minute ago. Do you need a little reminder?”

“I think I need a big reminder.”

“That’s my girl.”

That big reminder turned out to be a big mistake. You found that out the hard way when you and Leon spent the next morning at urgent care. Hindsight is 20/20, they say. You thought your foresight was pretty good, but the gas-station sunglasses, caked in sunscreen messed with your vision. Or maybe it was the margaritas.

“They say Maryland is the best place to get crabs, don’t they?” Leon joked with the nurse, who only seemed mildly amused.

“What does that mean? We didn’t get crabs,” your daughter said loudly on your trek back to the waiting room.

“You didn’t get crabs, honey,” Leon said.

“I thought crabs was an STD,” your son said. Luckily, he’d waited until you got into the car, saving you some of the shame.

“Where’d you learn that?”

“Mason told me his mom got it.”

“Which one is Mason’s mom?” Leon asked. “Is she the one with the fake tits?”

“I dunno.”

“Wasn’t it Mason’s birthday last weekend?” you asked in an effort to change the subject.

“Yep,” Leon said, having his own revelation, “that was a great party.”

When you returned to your home away from home, you put on a movie for the kids so you could distract them while you spoke to Leon.

“We need to have a talk,” you said sternly.

“Whoa, what’s got you all crabby now?”

You pulled him by the arm into the kitchen.

“You had a fun time with Mason’s mom at that party, Leon?” You asked, one hand on the counter, the other on the island, caging him in, so he couldn’t walk away with a cute quip.

“I may have, yeah.”

You stood there, using all your mental fortitude not to slap him – not when your kids were close enough to see it. You hoped your ice-cold gaze would be enough to scare him.

“Hey, listen,” he said, gently placing his hand on your arm, “once that fancy cream we got kicks in, I’ll give you a really nice apology.”

“I would love to hear the words ‘I’m sorry’ come out of your mouth for once.”

“How ‘bout I try to spell it with my tongue?”

“I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.”

Yes, you did.

[curiositypolling]

I am 25 hi (25 and 5 months to be precise)

[lenaboskow]

How old is Tommy is supposedly to be? Is the age gap bigger than with abbey

SO abby was 42 in s1 and buck was 26? which would make their age difference 16 years. but here's the tricky part: 911 messed up buck's age, and made him 30 in s6 when he should've been 32... for storytelling purposes I've chosen to believe that 30 is the correct age for s6 (i'll make a post on that later) making him 24, and the age difference 18 years. wow.

now, let's look at tommy. we don't know his actual age, but we know enough to guess.

we know he was in the military before joining the lafd, and while he doesn't say how long he was there for, he does tell us he was a pilot. some quick research tells me that flight school can take up to 18 months. let's assume tommy joined right out of high-school, this puts him at 20 when he graduates. the liklihood of him enlisting to get flight school paid for is high, especially considering his relationship with his father and probable inability to pay for civilian flight school. this means after he does his 10 years of commitment, he's at least 30 when he gets out of the military (if he went that route. he may have only done a few tours if he paid for flight school, which would put him around 25 when he gets out)

let's be generous and say he's 25 when he gets out, and immediately applies to the lafd, and immediately gets hired. the hiring and training process takes around a year, from application date to academy graduation, so now he's 26. he finishes his probie year at 27. his familiarity and all that in chimney begins (set 19 years ago now) means he's at least been there for a few years (he's not treated like someone who just finished being a probie). let's be generous and say he's 30 in chimney begins. that means today he'd be 49.

that's an 18 year age difference, the same as abby, minimum. now, like i said before. he probably went to flight school paid by the army, which would at minimum put him at 54, making him 23 years older, which is a larger age gap.

do with that information as you will

[childofsardior]

I was asked to share my current Ludwig's Headcanon, and I'll do it with immense pleasure, so here we are!

I'm actually going to talk about my personal take on Ludwig from my very self-indulgent HC/AU - so I'll warn you: you're going to find LOT of comfort/self-indulgent details and stuff here!

NOW PREPARE YOURSELF TO BE INFODUMPED ABT MY HC FOR LUDDY FROM MY AU!

General Info:

Full name: Ludwig von Koopa. He specifically put the "von" there instead of "van" to sound more like a noble. Chose this name after one of his favorite Human World's composers (after trying out a few different ones) when he was around 7 and stuck with it - yes, Luddy's been a musical nerd since he was an hatchling.

Gender and pronouns: He's a trans man. Pronouns are he/him. Very aware of this since he was very small, started to correct people with his chosen name(s) and right pronouns as soon as he realized that they were all wrong, and probably stupid from his point of view, even his mother - he had to bite her a couple of times before she understood it wasn't a game. Since Tarrasquins are related to dragons, his transition was a bit different from most species. Nowdays he almost never talks about his queer background, except made for people he blindly trust like his siblings - for occasional gender-related or name-related jokes, especially with Lemmy - or with his GF, usually for the same reasons. He's also confident enough to indulge in typically "feminine" behaviours time to time, without feeling ashamed, especially when hanging out with his sister Wendy. He's Ludwig von Koopa after all, he doesn't gives s**t about other people's opinions.

Sexuality: He doesn't like to use labels, but if asked to pick the closest one to describe himself Lud would probably say "something close to pansexual, but only with people smart and sharp enough to catch my attention." Dated a guy when they were teen, for a while. Now he's dating a girl named Estrela. If Estrela was a guy or an enby-koopa, he would litterally not care.

Age: He is currently 19 and a half (in "canonical" years) and the oldest among his siblings. Considering my Royal Koopas maturing faster than Humans and similar creatures during their first 25 years of life, you could compare Ludwig to a 21-23 years old Human in terms of mental maturity. (Could not say the same about sentimental maturity, but only 'cause Ludwig's always been a bit troubled in sharing genuine feelings even with trusted pals, and he has yet to learn how to manage it. But this is has nothing to do with his species development nor his age.) Birthday is November 12th (Scorpio).

Species: Tarrasquin (also known as "Royal Koopas" or "Dragon-Turtles") - that happens to be a powerful and rare species related both to Koopas and Dragons. The lack of horns at a young age and the number of spikes on the shell may point to the subspecies known as Plains/Field Tarrasquin, while some other details could suggest a "mix" with the Vulcanic bloodline. In addition, all the Koopalings seem to share an innate inclination toward magic and some other unusual details never found before in Tarrasquins, such as tail feathers or natural armors protecting the limbs, along with peculiar tiny gem-like scales scattered around their bodies in different patterns.

Physical appearance: He's a yellow-scaled Tarrasquin, resembling mostly the Vulcanic subspecies like Bowser. He's got blue long hair and tail feathers along with a sapphire-colored spiked shell. He has gray-blue eyes, and a single Royal Fang in the middle of his upper jaw - even if a couple of smaller Royal Fangs are recently growing on the sides of his mouth. Like most of his siblings, his head and shoulders are covedered of green scales/skin, and he also has some of it over the back of his hands. Sapphire-like scales appear all around his body, four of which can be clearly seen on his cheeks. He's quite short for his age, but if you compare him to the others you can guess he's among the oldest siblings, considering his body proportions and a more mature appearance.

Personality: Ludwig's arrogance is quite famous around the Dark Lands. He's extremely full of himself, and doesn't miss an occasion to remember you how superior he is. This is how most people see him from the distance. Actually, Ludwig's character is quite more complex than that. He surely likes to mantain his "I'm clearly better than any of you" mask, especially with his enemies, but he's actually way more chill than that if you start to know him - and if he consideres you your equal, he can actually show his softer and sillier side to you, and prove himself a nice company. He doesn't know what proper "anxiety" is, but he's quite nervous and always on the edge - trying to be perfect, to prove himself and his siblings to be the best leader, to prove everyone (but mostly himself, again) he's a great and talented artist and musician, and so on. He's also a bit lunatic, and had to train himself to be patient during the years, considering the amount of tiny Dragon-Turtles running and creating chaos around him. It's not so common for an insult to land on him - since he rarely cares about other people's opinions, even when they have actual good opinions about him - but when it happens he could grow red with anger or just give the cold-shoulders treathment for a while, depending on who you are. He also rarely feel completely calm or relaxed, his mind always trying to fix some problem or coming up with something new even on background, but from time to time he needs a break too and will probably spend some days playing some instrument in his room without a purpose, or playing video games alone or with Larry and Iggy, like he used to do a lot as a kid. Last but not least: he kinda looks like a guy that never cries or gets emotional, but it's inaccurate. Ludwig rarely cries or weep nowdays, but when he does it's always dramatic and theatrical - even his sibs become a bit afraid of him, never knowing what to say or how to help, when he breaks like that; he'll probably just go to his room playing his piano while crying until he's too tired to continue and probably will just fall asleep. But on the brighter emotions, he is also very much easier to be moved by kind actions than it seems. If any of the people he cares about surprise him with a special gift for his birthday, or prepare something cute thinking about what he loves most, or even just giving him a drawing about him and Junior conquering the Sky Kingdom together - this happened for Lud's 18th birthday, and was Junior's gift - he will probably be surprised, a little embarassed but mostly filled with a mute joy he'll do his best to hide... probably failing, considering those big wet eyes.

Hobbies and passions: They say he's a kind of prodigy, being so young yet skilled in dozens of different things - from battle and magical techniques to various arts - but the truth is that he works really, really hard for everything he wants to learn. He's a bit jealous of Iggy and Junior to be faster and more intuitive learners than him. His main passion revolves around music since he was a kid, but he actually likes to do A LOT OF STUFF - some in a "I'm sooo good at it" way, some other just as hobbies. He likes to play videogames (and even used to do it on a competitive level for a short while), enjoys TTRPGs with his siblings, likes to paint with spray paint from time to time, knows how to sew, learned how to fence and he's quite proud about it, loves to pose and even compete with his sibs (mostly Roy and Wendy) in some cool-poses showoffs when they all feel to... he also enjoys to hum and sing when happy, and he literally learned to speak German to make an impression with a perfectly-faked accent when needed. A current inside joke in the family is claiming that naming what Ludwig can't do would take less time to talk about what he can do - Iggy's even taking notes every time they find out something new Lud is not capable of - the first thing wrote down is "Luddy can't be humble". Talking about music only, his favorite genre has always been the classical one, but contrary of what everybody around him think, he actually enjoys a lot of other genres and also has a bunch of favorite contemporary singers and bands among his infinite list of musicians he likes or likes to take inspiration from. He just strongly dislikes that sort of "music" that only consist in "random and horrible noises, like the sort of thing that Larry listens to". He can himself play dozens of instrument, mostly are the classical orchestral ones but he knows how to play a bunch of modern and electric instruments too - he was the one learning-while-teaching Lemmy how to play the electric bass and the electric guitar, after all; his favorite and main instrument is the piano, followed with the violin and the cello just after. He likes to compose - or at least, try to - his own stuff since he was 10, just after learning the piano basic from Kamek and Bowser themselves. His own first pieces were not exactly... melodious, and now his "4th Symphony" is a recurring meme his brothers and sister like to tease him about. But nowdays he's getting quite good, and has even started to conduct a small orchestra on his own, all made of young people from the Dark Lands and all around the near Kingdoms. He's also fantasizing about making this passion his future main occupations, maybe as a composer in the film's industry or something like that...?

Relationships:

With his siblings: Being the eldest among 8 has not always been easy. Even if Junior has been mostly raised and educated by Bowser, Kamek and a bunch of loyal servants, the other 6 where very much his responsability after their mother sudden disappearance - of course Kamek and the others were taking care of the newly adopted kids, but you know... they needed time to settle in and Ludwig was their main point of reference for a while. So he had to force himself to grow up even faster than before, in terms of responsabilities and leadership. That said, nowdays he still consider himself the leader of the whole "Koopalings" gang - even if most of his siblings can perfectly take care of themselves and often laugh or complain if Lud tryies to impose himself too much, especially when he's doing that in his presumptuous and arrogant way. Still, when things get hard, they all know that they can ask their big brother for help.

Now, for each relationship with the siblings:

Lemmy: They are in good terms. They do not spend too much time together, but when combined can become the Unsufferable Duo Of the Eldest and literally use their Age Superiority to assert dominancte on the others. Lemmy is also one of the few Ludwig can actually confide in, Lemmy being the biggest heart and probably the more emotional mature in the family - but Lemmy's the one EVERYBODY confides in, so it's a bit of cheating.

Roy: They used to fight often when younger, Roy being the only one bold enough to confront the big bro authority. Now they just respect each other, and while Roy trusts Ludwig's cunning brain, Ludwig can fully trust Roy's loyalty, sharpness and strenght, especially for missions that involves fighting and conquering.

Iggy: They are engaged in a mutual, mostly positive rivalry about who is the real family genius. Spoiler: both are, but in different ways. Iggy is an intuitive type, and learns mostly by watching his sourroundings and experimenting, while Ludwig is a studious type, that prefers knowing all about theory before trying things out. Iggy can't really understand music and arts in general - he enjoys them, but in a very "superficial and bland" way, in Ludwig's opinion - and Ludwig can't understand what is so cool about classyfing rocks, animals and plants, and will never get the green-shelled brother curious hyperfixations. Ludwig is also refusing to aknowledge Iggy's higher IQ score than his. But they can actually work together if needed, especially when some project or blueprint or plan needs full-brain power.

Wendy: They get along very well. Their shared passion for music is a good start - when Ludwig tries to compose something more "modern" than usual, it's always to have Wendy singing along with him playing the piano or the violin - but they can generally do various things together and enjoy their mutual company - from going to the SPA to planning the conquest of the next Kingdom. Also, Wendy is probably the only one among them Lud doesn't dare to anger, and also the only one he consider *almost* equal to him.

Morton: Ludwig loves Morton's blind obedience. Then if he thinks too hard about it, he feels bad. Actually, Morton follows Ludwig's lead because he trusts his brother, not because he's a sort of perfectly obedient puppy like some other brother jokes about. The two are in neutral-good terms. They do not spend much time together normally, but during missions Ludwig can count on Morton's natural protective nature to be sure the younger ones won't get too hurt, especially Junior - and this applies to some of the older siblings as well, from time to time.

Larry: The relationship between the two is a bit strange. Like the most of the group, Ludwig can't really stand Larry for too long - the latter is a 13-years-old Royal Koopa acting as an average 13-years-old Human boy most of the times - but as the Big Brother he must set a good example and hide his irritation while he tries to teach his younger brother the art of war and such. But it's hard. Larry is easily distracted and doesn't like to listen to others anyway. Even if Lud manages to get his attention, the azure brother will probably stay on his cellphone all the time. Larry loves to work with and actually playing electronic/techno music, but also trash and YouPipe-worth-meme-songs, "an insult to real music" in Ludwig's opinion. Larry also wants to prove himself as a good leader for the group, even if "lacking with basic leadership knowledge", and tries to fight with Ludwig about it from time to time. When tired or in need of a day off, Ludwig allows Larry to "play the leader for a while", knowing that Wendy or Roy will actually take the real role instead.

Bowser Junior: This one is a complex field to navigate, full of bitterness and mixed feelings. Junior being the only biological child of Bowser makes him the official Heir, but also, somehow, more "important" than the others in terms of social rank and authority. And Ludwig doesn't like this. He can't truly behave normally around Junior; he hates the fact that a child has the right to tell him what to do, especially when he does so in a very bratty and unsufferable way - luckily, Junior is growing up nicer than in the past, but still a kid remains. Ludwig is also jealous of Jr. even if he's never going to admit it aloud, since the little brother still has one parent to take care of him and love him, and this parent is the King of the Koopas himself. "If only I was Bowser's son..." he finds himself thinking about sometimes, but tries not to elaborate further. Ludwig tries to avoid Junior when he can, and Junior does the same since he doesn't like the way Ludwig yaps about everything. But...! Very recently the two have started getting along a bit more. Ludwig noticed Junior proving himself to be much more clever and empathic than he thought, and is now searching for something in common to share. Lud tried to talk Jr into the world of music like he did with most of his siblings, but hasn't been very successful yet. Junior on the other hand convinced his blue brother to paint with him, and Lud discovered that, in fact, he likes it. So they do paint together, from time to time, or wander with Iggy, Morton and Larry around the Dark Lands metro to draw fancy graffiti all together. Ludwig too needs to feel again like a kid or at least a teen time to time.

* * *

With King Bowser: Ludwig is one of the few Koopalings that not address to Lord Bowser as a "father". He was almost 10 years old when they all were officially adopted by the Royal Family, and always saw the King as "the King". He is very loyal to the Crown and likes to think about himself as Bowser's first and most trusted general, and always showes his most serious and adult size when reporting to him. On the other hand, Ludwig feels a bit nervous and insecure in everyday life situations he spends along with the adoptive parent, when Bowser's just acting as Dad-Bowser and not as King-Bowser-Koopa. Behind his back, Bowser desperately and secretly hopes Ludwig will start addressing him as "dad" one day.

With his mother: He had a very good relationship with his mom (OC)- taken aside that short period of time she couldn't understand why he wanted to be "addressed as a boy" - but it ended well anyway. He also liked to think of himself as their mom's favorite child. Now he doesn't want to talk about her, especially with Junior.

With his girlfriend: He and Estrela (OC) met almost a couple of years ago in Ludwig's personal orchestra, and they have been dating for one year now. Before meeting Estrela, Lud had a poor opinion on Koopa Troopas/Common Koopas in general, especially if civilians or commoners. Then he met this super skilled violist, they started to flirt a bit after some time but then Ludwig kind-of-insulted her for trying to reach "a Royal" and... well, she decided to make him pay for that, planning something quite "funny", and in the end Estrela proved the Royal Koopa that even "commoners" can outsmart the "great Ludwig von Koopa". He was startled by this to the point he totally fell in love. They are both enjoying their relationship now, sharing interests and passions and all, joking all the time and being silly together when none can judge them, even if Luddy still has to learn to be less arrogant with his loved ones - lukily for both he's doing enough progresses already to prevent the relationship to become toxic or bad. Ludwig loves Estrela's strong personality and the fact that she can literally - and will likley, if needed - stand up to him from her 1,40 m (around 4.5 ft) of height and cute Common Koopa appearance. And he loves the way she plays the viola, of course. In his mind, maybe influenced by Lord Bowser's way to think, he's already picturing is future wedding... along with their royal palace and personal realm in the Kingom of the Sky.

Relationship with the Mario Bros., Princess Peach and the Mushroom Kingom in general: He strongly dislikes the two plumbers, and do not approve his sib Lemmy's friendship with them. He mostly hates Mario, considering him the real threat among the two. He would very unlikely call a truce between the Koopalings and the two Humans, unless it was his last option. Peach knows him since he hatched - and she tries her best to treat well the young Royal Koopa siblings, since she used to know their mother - but he doesn't really care about this, claming that since he can't remember it, it doesn't count. He is not very excited by the possibility to have Peach as their step-mother, but during her forced staying at Bowser's place after the occasional kidnapping, he sometimes asks her if she wants to take a look at his last music sheets or if she wants to listen to some of his new pieces. And for the Mushroom Kingdom, he merely saw it as the future Dark Lands' personal granary until he met his GF, who's from said Kingdom. Now he is a bit more aware of it, and nervous about eventual future attacks King Bowser could plan against it.

Peculiarities & co.

Ambidextrous: He trained himself to be almost perfectly hambidextrous, mostly thanks to his piano training. Nobody remembers if he was naturally right or left-handed in the beginning.

Senses: In contrast to what his name could suggest, his sharpest sense is hearing - he can not only hear a whisper on the other side of the royal dining room, especially if it's about him or something he may be interested in, but also got an almost-perfect pitch. If he looks like he didn't hear you, he was either too concentrated on his own toughts or just... blantantly ignoring you.

Body quirks and special abilities: He is way lighter than it looks like, probably due his shell peculiar conformation and unusual lightness, and sometimes it even seems like gravity isn't working on him as it should - he can in fact jump quite hight, flutter jump and even floating in the air for a short time when fighting. He can also walk on clouds without any power-ups or magic, a privilege usually related to winged or sky-born creatures only, such as Paratroopas or Lakitus. Nobody seems to know why, since Ludwig has no wings (even if he secretly wishes he had) and such. Last but not least, he is also able to control thunders with his own hands when things get really hard - in a similar way Luigi can do after knowing the secret technique in Mario&Luigi Superstar Saga.

Random Facts:

His Royal Fang is one of his weak points. He doesn't really like it, and mostly tries to ignore the fact that, of all the possible Fang patterns, *that* specific one happened to him. Mostly, it makes it hard to play woodwinds instruments - he only plays his portable harmonica without much trouble - drinking from everyday glasses - he almost always drink from straws, but gets easily embarassed if he needs to order one when dining in a fancy restaurant - and kissing his GF. This one specifically frustrates him a lot.

His GF finds his Royal Fang cute.

Like most Tarrasquins, he can purr. But since purring only occurs when they are extremely satisfied or happy or comfortable, it's very rare to hear him purr.

He's base respect for any other living creature not related to him is 0, especially with Goombas or other "simpler species". Once beated, outsmarted or both at the same time, he will probably reconsiderate your existance and include your kind in his "this one earned my respect" list. Hopefully, he'll grow out of this when he gets older and wiser.

He owns something like 14 pianos (one of which is possessed), around his various fortress and all. He wanted a super fancy piano for his 18th birthday, like one with a custom color, made by hand and with his name engraved in gold on the front of it, from the best piano brand of the world. Bowser gifted him a huge, golden pipe organ instead, thinking it would have been cooler.

Ludwig is scared as heck of pipe organs.

In the end, Kamek was the one gifting him his "best piano". Bowser is the one that loves to play it the most.

Ludwig is also scared of deep water. That is funny considering he once piloted a submarine. If asked, he will give a bunch of explanations about that claming that staying inside an advanced submarine is very different from swimming in open sea where you can't see nothing under you. Plus, your hair can't get wet as long as you remain inside of the submarine. His brothers and sister often speculate about how to convince their big brother to learn how to swim.

He likes to act fancy and classy when he's at social events and similar. His pompous attitude helps a lot with that. But he has the tendency of stain his clothing without noticing and does so almost every single time he dines out.

Even with the adult and serious appearance, he would never give up French Fries when there is the option in the menu.

He can also legally buy and drink alchool now, following Dark Land's laws, but even if he enjoys some champagne from time to time, he's more a juice type. His favorite one is orange juice, and always keeps a bottle of it near before an all-day-playing-music session.

He hated brushing his hair when he was a kid, and hated even more the idea of cutting it. His mother gave up when he was 3, and Kamek and some servants tried to run after him once, following the little blue rascal around the whole castle for the whole evening. Kamek was the one that eventually convinced him into taking care of his curly bush of blue feathers - but it took him 2 years.

His natural hair is actually curly, like his mother's was. He straightenes it with an hair straightener after every bath, and uses tons of hair spray every morning to recreate in his iconic hairstyle. This hairstyle was actually heavily inspired by Madame Flurrie's one, after a 12-years-old Ludwig watched one of her theatrical perfomance (on TV) for the first time. He was fascinated by her hair that looked like wings and looked very elegant at the same time, and decided he would have based his personality around that style for the next years.

He didn't know at the time that that specific winged hairstyle was very popular among actors and artist of a certain level, especially from the musical field. When he found out, he was even more amused and claimed it was "destiny" that his tastes happened to be so refined and elegant.

Only recently Lud started to try out new hairstyles, or to be more accurate, some "custom variants of his classic one". He likes to keep them looser when conducting his orchestra or playing in public. He keeps it "sharper" for fights. He would NEVER tie them up.

His GF actually loves when Lud has uncombed hair, and thinks he's way cuter this way. He hates it.

He also loves and hates being called "cute". He actually got angry when Estrela called him "cute" or "adorable" the first times. Now he secretely enjoys it, but still gets quite embarassed.

He'll grow a tuft of feathers under his chin when he'll grow up. Since it's not too common for Koopas to grow facial hair, he will keep it with pride and add it to his style.

When he's sourrounded by his siblings when in need of some peace but can't escape the situation, he takes his professional headphones and put on some classical concerts, german heavy metal music by unknown indie bands or Pure Cosmic Silence, depending how desperate he is.

He loves the smell of ginger. He also likes the smell of gingerbread. One time he ordered a ginger perfume, but the store mixed his order and sent him a very unusual gingerbead perfume instead. He tried it anyway and found it amusing. He would now put gingerbread perfume on himself from time to time. He claims it's a peculiar but great scent, just like him. His siblings mostly thinks he smells like a cookie.

He is also secretly almost-parent-like proud of his siblings any time they manage to do well something he teached them first. This applies mostly with Larry and Junior, especially for the latter being a very quick learner.

He sometimes has a recurrent dream in which he finds out he's actually an only child and goes to party just after. For some *unknown* reasons this mostly happens after spending a very long and tiring day with Junior or Roy.

Four violinists in his orchestra are Piranha Plants, named, respectively, "Todd, Justin, Scott and Ashby". They joined Ludwig's orchestra in an attempt to escape military service, but they didn't know how to play a single thing at first. With time, the quartet became very good with the violin. They will still be present in Ludwig's personal orchestra when he will be a professional composer, as some of the best musicians of the orchestra.

He really dislikes the harpsichord as an instrument. There is not a specific reason about that, he just... really doesn't like the sound it makes, and thinks of it as an overrated baroque instrument. His GF really likes it instead, and they sometimes have silly fights about that.

[faghubby]

breaking you in

"do you like it?" I asked Paul. As I slowly worked the anal probe into him.

"Yehhhh" he moaned which made me smile as I worked it in further. It was long about 10 inches but thin with bumps that got bigger and bigger but never thicker then an inch I guess. I did not expect for him to let me get it all in him at least not the first time. I had used a finger even two while giving him a blowjob a few times but this was different as I had the whole thing buried in his ass. I took his cock back in ,y mouth as I yanked the toy out. He exploded as I did. I sucked up and swallowed every drop as he emptied his balls down my throat.

"You okay" I laughed as he laid there with a smile on his face. He grabbed me and kissed me. I don't think he was thinking as he must of tasted his spank. He hesitated for a moment then continued to kiss me.

"Um like the taste" I laughed.

"Not as bad as you always say" he shot back. I climbed on top of him

"Well taste this, we both know you love the taste of me" I giggled as I sat on his face. He flipped me over but never stopped licking my clit. He was so good at this part I thought as he made me cum in under 10 minutes. I had to push him off to make him stop. I cupped his ass as we held each other.

"Does it hurt?" I asked

"No, it felt amazing" he confessed. We laid there holding each other for awhile before we had to get up.

"Paul get up my parents will be home soon" I warned him

"Cindy we are getting married I think they are aware we have sex" he shot back. He knew I just felt uneasy with having sex in my parents house. I gave him the look and he got up.

We where staying with my parents till our new apartment was ready. Ot had been two weeks already. And they had told us it wouldnt be ready till we got back from out honeymoon. We would be married by then. I giggled to myself alittle as I saw Paul walking a bit strange. I cleaned up the toy and hid it away.

We had always been a bit adventurous when it came to sex. But never had thought about switching traditional roles till a few days ago when we bought the toy. Originally for me. But Paul had made a joke when we bought it about prostate massage.

It was a few days later when Paul had just gotten out of the shower he bent over and I pushed him against the dresser. My mom was home so I was quiet.

"Nice ass" I whispered in his ear. I ran my finger over his asshole.

"Um what you have in mind?" He asked wiggling his ass.

"You're serious aren't you?" I asked still teasing him. He just nodded.

"Don't move" I told him and went to the box I hid I pulled out a stainless steel butt plug and lube. Paul never even turned around as I lubed it and worked into his tight ass. I smiled alittle it had a pink jewel where his asshole should be.

"There you go bitch. You can wear that all day" reminding him of the last time he had me wear it. He had a hardon and wanted to fuck.

"No, later when mom goes out if you behave" I told him. And watched him get dressed. I took every opportunity to grab his ass. As we discussed final details of the wedding with mom.

(Paul's point of view)

My future mother in law Kerry was great. I swear her and Beth where twins separated by 25 years. Beth had put this plug in my ass. It felt amazing but I found it hard to focus. I wanted to throw Beth on the table and have her right then. I even found myself checking out Kerry's ass. She looked great for her age a bit wider in the hips a little heavier but damn.

"Paul" Bob called as he walked in the front door. Bob was my future father in law. He was alright. I think he saw more of me as taking his only daughter then gaining another son.

"Come on we have to go pick up the tuxedo" he told me. He kissed Kerry. I kissed Beth who smacked my ass a little with a look of concern. I just shrugged and left with Bob. We met my brother in law to be Brent at the rental shop.

"So you should all try them on make sure everything is correct" the salesman said. I grabbed mine and headed to a changing room. As soon as I went to close the door it opened again and Bob walked in.

"There busy, so" is all he said as he quickly stripped.

"You know Beth is just like Kerry. She is strong willed. they li,e the same things and don't compromise" he was saying i looked up to see him in his boxers. That couldn't be. I thought this man had a fucking anaconda sized cock in his shorts. I couldn't get the image of the bulge out of my head. The plug in my ass didn't help as I tried to think of anything not to get an erection. The tuxedo fit fine. And we where soon on our way home. I just couldn't get my father in laws size out of my head. Beth and Kerry liked the same things would Beth like a big cock.

(BETH)

Paul seemed oddly stressed when he came back with my dad.

"I think it hit him, you know getting married just nervous" my dad tried to ease my concern. Paul wore the plug all day. I had figured he had taken it out. But when we went to bed he didn't ask he just attacked me quietly of course. I touched his ass and he moaned I realized he still wore the plug. I didn't let him take it out till after he came.

"Beth have you, I mean. The guys you been with" Paul was trying to ask me something.

"What is it?" I asked

"Size, I mean you been with bigger guys?" He blurted out.

"You are perfect" I assured him. That wasn't completely true but I loved him.

"But there have been bigger guys?" He continued

"Well yes" I confessed

"And would you want that again?" He asked.

"If thus is some way to break up with me" I said annoyed.

"No!" He said "its just you and your mom are so. Well you both like the same things?" He was babbling.

"What does my mother have to do with guys i may have been with?" I was getting passed.

"Well your dad is um really big" he told me.

"What are you talking about" I said sitting up and turning on the light. He looked at me then down then looked at me hopping I would understand and then it clicked.

"OH god, I don't want to hear this" I told him. I smacked him and realized he was rock hard again.

"Paul do you think I will want a big cock because, my mom does? Oh that's just to wierd to think about" I told him.

"Is that why you are so excited thinking about me riding a big cock?" I whispered I knew from his expression it was. I picked up my phone and searched for an old video.

"Do you want to see this?" She asked "it's Mark and me" I told him. Mark was boyfriend before I met him. I pushed play he was glued to the small screen it was definitely years ago my hair was so much shorter. I reached over and stroked his throbbing dick as he watched me sink down on eight inches of thick throbbing cock. I stroked him softly teasing him. The video was only about an minute it was good he didn't see what happened later after the video I thought. I got up and dug into a bag I had gotten from the Bachelorette party. I pulled out a big black dildo my friend had given me as a joke. It was quite large and heavy.

"Want to try this?" I asked him. All inhibition of my parents house out the window as I stripped naked. He held the toy

(Paul)

The dildo she handed me was huge. I looked at her and now wanted to see her stretched I wanted to see her slutty. I wanted her to be my slut. As she climbed into bed I wasted no time rubbing the toy against her pussy.

"It's really big go slow" she said.

"Tell me you want it, tell me you're my slut" I said harshly in her ear.

"Yes, I am your slut" she moaned as I pushed the tip of the toy inside her. She shoved a pillow corner in her mouth trying to be quiet. I worked more and more inside. I had buried all 10 inches inside her sloppy hole she was so wet it made sucking noises when I pulled it in and out.

"I am going to fuck you so hard for this" Beth said biting my ear. She softly begged me to stop but I kept going. She must of cum three times before I pulled the toy out. I looked down to see her gapped open. I leaned in and kissed it. She grabbed my hair and held me there smearing her juices all over my face. Before she let me up for air. She then passed out. I was still rock hard I pulled back the blanket and jerked off just looking at her.

(Beth)

I woke up sore. And noticed the dry cum across my breasts. I smiled completely satisfied and got up and showered. Paul joined me on the shower.

"Revenge for last night will come" I told him. He reached down and slid three fingers easily into my still stretched pussy.

"Whatever you say slut" he said laughing. I let him tease me with his fingers

I approached the subject carefully over the next few days. With questions like

"You liked me being your slut? And did you like how I looked after, you must of you played with yourself didn't you?"

(Paul)

I couldn't stop thinking about Beth and her ex. I started to picture Beth with everyone. I even fantasized of her and her best friend in a lesbian affair. I wasn't picturing Beth and I anymore. I was fantasies about Beth with everyone else.

Beth asked questions about what I wanted, my fantasies I was afraid to tell her. But now everything was about the wedding. So we had little alone time. We had sex a few nights later but it was completely normal. Almost routine sex. The next morning I pulled out Beth's naughty box. I found a larger butt plug and lube. But as I pulled it out Beth walked in.

"Baby not today just so much to do" she said sympathetic. I just handed them both to her.

"I see" she motioned for me to turn around I dropped my drawers and she shoved hard the plug into place.

"Better my slut" she said smacking my ass. Before I could even stand up straight Kerry burst in.

"OH so sorry, I didn't" she quickly closed the door. Beth laughing handed me the lube and chased after her. I got dressed and embarrassed went to the kitchen. I noticed my mother in law checking out my ass. Beth smacked my ass before i sat down right in front of her mom.

"I thought for sure you would of removed it" Beth said laughing. Kerry burst out laughing as well. Ob walked in what is so funny.

"Nothing just Paul thinks he dying because he had a hemorrhoid" Kerry told him with a wink to me.

"Stress well suck it up man got a wedding to get thru" he said smacking my shoulder.

Brent and his wife Georgia walked in and Kerry made everyone breakfast. I thought about how Brent must have a a huge cock like his dad. And Georgia stretched wide open.

(Beth)

I made excuses to get Paul alone. So I insisted we had to stop somewhere for his family so we could drive in our own car and meet up with everyone later. For a family gathering before the wedding. It was some kooky family tradition.

"Paul are you okay?" I asked.

"Yeah why?" He replied

"You been acting kinda distracted since, well since you saw that video" I said I noticed he got hard instantly when I mentioned the video. I reached over and rubbed it thru his slacks. "And then you wanting to wear the big plug" I teased "tell me what's going on in that head"

"I can't stop thinking about you getting fucked by big cocks" he blurted out.

"Cocks? More then one" I laughed. He looked at me with all seriousness.

"Yes, I don't know if I can satisfy you" he told me.

"I love you very much and you make me so happy" I told him.

"Do you know what cuckolding is?" Paul asked.

"Yeah, why is that what you're thinking. You want me to cheat on you?" I asked

"No, not cheat you have my blessing to have sex with who ever you want" he told me.

"I been doing alot of reading. I think I want a Female Led Marriage" he told me. He then sent me a link to a web site. "Read it, think about it" he said then started to drive. I sat back and started to read. It was less then a week to our wedding and he wanted some crazy marriage.

It was a two hour drive and I read the whole time about female empowerment. And the husband taking the wifely duties in a marriage.

"Do you want me to make you a sissy?" I asked at one point.

"No, but it would be okay if you wanted me to clean you after a man had you" he confessed.

"You want to eat cum? How about wear my panties?" I asked I didn't want him to answer I watched his cock throb to get the answers.

"I know you want me to fuck you in the ass. That is obvious" I told him.then went back to reading. When we got close about a mile away.

"Pull over" I told him I quickly pulled out his dick and sucked it he came rather quickly. I then kissed him and fed him his own cum. He didn't resist.

"Don't rinse it out, keep the taste till after we greet everyone let them smell spank on your breath. We had a great dinner and received the wedding gifts from the family. As I said family tradition. Paul had not drank anything but a bit of champagne from a toast.

"I don't want you drinking alcohol anymore unless I give it to you" I had told him. He agreed without any problem. Paul as loading the car with gifts. When my mom came up to us.

"Me and your father are going to stay at uncle Nick's tonight." She winked and kissed us both goodbye. I spent the ride home reading more about Female Led Marriage

"I think I like you to be like Georgia" I told Paul. We had joked about her in the past how she didn't have a thought unless Brent gave it to her. She was definitely the little house wife to her brother.

"And if you are going to be a proper beta husband I will expect you to be proper not just to me bit to my friends and family." I told him as I learned more. It was late when we arrived home. I still made Paul carry in all the packages. As I got ready for bed. Paul still wore the plug.

"How does your ass feel? Does it help you to remember your place ? Is that why you wanted to wear it?" I asked him he didn't answer

"You will have to learn to answer me" I told him.

He stopped.

"Sorry, it makes me excited" he told me.

"Would you like to try pegging?" I asked

"He looked down at the floor and shuffled his feet. This was not the man I thought I knew only two weeks ago.

"Maybe" was all he said.

"Disapline is an important part of a marriage" I mentioned he looked at me and swallowed hard. "I don't think I want to lock you in chastity. But I can't have you sneaking off to touch yourself" I told him.

"Now go remove the plug and get ready for bed." He happily went off do as he was told.

Paul was making me breakfast when I woke up. He wore my mother's apron. I pulled out his cock and jerked him off as he served me breakfast. I caught his cum in a cup. And bought it to his lips.

"I will make you clean up all my lovers cum" I told him as I made him drink his own cum. We spent the morning establishing rules.

He agreed to a very strick diet and exercise routine he would look the part of my strong husband even if he was to be my bitch. He would wear panties whenever I had a date. Or whenever I wished. He agreed to all domestic chores. He would learn to do them as I wished them done. I didn't have sex with Paul again telling he had to wait till after the wedding. I didn't even let him see me naked.

(Paul)

The night before the wedding Beth spent the night at the Matron of Honors house. In the morning I was woken by Kerry.

"Beth wanted me to give you this to wear today." I sat up in the bed. I had shaved my body hair close. But not shaved I was to keep it neat. This included my pits and legs. Kerry noticed. I looked at the pile of clothes Kerry had just handed me. It was pink satin panties with a set of stockings and garter.

"Beth has told me about your marriage arrangements" Kerry smiled. I blushed and couldn't look at her.

"Get up I will help you get ready before Bill gets up." Kerry told me. She waited as I showered and shaved. She made sure I put on the stockings and panties properly then put on my tux.

"I invited Beth's ex boyfriend Mark to the wedding" Kerry told me. I thanked her.

The day went smooth Beth even danced with her ex Mark. Other then the champagne toast I didn't have a single drink. Even when my brother bought me a shot.

"I am so proud of you" Beth told me as we danced. "I am going to disappear for a little while. You will have to make excuses" don't worry. Mom will help" she told me kissed me on the cheek and left. lynn her best friend left with her to make it seem like they went off together. I also noticed Mark was missing. Kerry grabbed my arm and danced with me.

"Beth is consumating your marrage" she told me. We told everyone Beth wasn't felling well. As soon as she returned we said our goodbyes. Since Beth was a bit under the weather. In the limo she closed the privacy screen and spread her legs. I lifted her dress and buried my face in her used pussy, she wore no panties. Mark had kept them as a survivor.

"Tonight I am going to consmate our marriage in a way it will actually be." She pulled out a strapon cock and showed it to me. I went back to licking her clean until we reached the hotel. We where to catch a plane in the morning. I wondered if I would be wearing panties for that as well.

[literallyjusttoa]

So, I'm rereading THO again for a thing, and I just noticed this. On page 94, Apollo says -

"We gods are not hung up about such things. I myself have had . . . let's see, thirty-three mortal girlfriends and eleven mortal boyfriends? I've lost count."

Ok sir, I'm calling bs. Let's do the math under the cut

According to Apollo, he's dated 44 mortals. He does say he's lost count, but i'd assume the number he gives us would at least be close to the actual correct number. Like, I don't think he'd come up with such specific answers if they weren't at least somewhat accurate. Let's see what kind of number we can come up with. First, we can count the children we know he's had in modern times and assume he made them with another person we can assume he was dating. That means:

Austin

Georgie

Gracie

Halcyon

Jerry

Kayla

Lee

Michael

Will

Yan

So ten people. Cool, that leaves us 34 more lovers which seems accurate. Except no, wait, the lowest number of mortal lovers Apollo could have had (referenced from Theoi) is 24 (19 women and 5 men if you were curious). Plus we have to add Commodus so that's 25. So you're telling me, Apollo, our lovely manwhore Apollo, dated 25 people during antiquity, dated ONLY 9 people throughout all of the time between the end of Commodus' reign (192) to somewhere in the 1990's, and then dated 10 people in very quick succession. That's almost 2000 YEARS in which Apollo dated 9 PEOPLE.

That is so obviously wrong, so lets use math to figure out what the actual amount may be. Now, I'm making the assumption that Apollo dates at around the same rate all the time, which I know isn't accurate, but this is just for fun. With that in mind -

There's no set time period for antiquity, so I'm using the starting date of 776 B.C.E. (Date of the first Olympics) and the end of Commodus' reign 192 C.E., since he's the last lover we know Apollo had in ancient times. That's 25 lovers in 968 years.

Which means Apollo has really been getting around in recent years bc he's had 9 lovers in about 12 years. Idk what happened in the 90's/early 2000's but have fun I guess. We also have Halcyon, who was maybe born in the 1940/50's? He's a bit of an outlier.

So from antiquity, we have a rate of one lover every 39 years, and from recent times we have a lover every year with a break once every 4 years. Maybe Apollo doesn't date people on leap years idk.

So now let's calculate how many lovers Apollo might've had in the middle bit we know nothing about. The Apollo Dark Ages, if you will. Counting Halcyon, we'll make the time period for this time 192-1950. That's 1,758 years.

Using the Antiquity rate: 45 lovers

Using the Modern rate: 1,319 lovers

And Apollo, in THO, says that OVERALL he's only had 44 lovers.

Apollo, buddy, when you said you lost count I didn't think you meant you lost count this much jesus christ.

[snowdice]

Big Bang Editing Story [Day 125]

I started writing this fic while editing my Big Bang story years ago, but am going to continue doing it for other things now that Kill Dear is out. I will write and publish 100 words of the story every time I finish doing whatever task I’m doing. If you’d like to block these proceedings, please feel free to block the tag ‘proofread stories.’ I will reblog this post with the parts of the story I do today. Edited chapters are linked; everything else I’ve done so far is under the cut.

My Master Post Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Part 31 Part 32 Part 33 Part 34 Part 35 Part 36 Part 37 Part 38 Part 39 Part 40 Part 41 Part 42 Part 43 Part 44 Part 45 Part 46 Part 47 Part 48 Part 49 Part 50 Part 51 Part 52 Part 53 Part 54 Part 55

We probably won't finish the epilogue tonight, but let's see!

Chapter 56 (Thomas)

“Good day for a picnic,” Helen commented as she handed over the basket Thomas had requested from her a few days before. He was taking Logan, Patton, and Virgil to the cliffs today and it was perfect weather for it. Spring was truly here, which meant that those of Thomas’s duties that had laid dormant over the harsh winter were about to start up again.

The world had been on pause for a bit considering no armies or agents from any kingdom could get through the snow the last few months, but the concerns of last fall were showing their heads once again.

Thomas had just gotten word a day ago that the queen of Lamir had routed out a second assassin hiding in her ranks over the winter. The assassin had been sent shortly after it was made clear that the queen wouldn’t bow down after the assassination of her mother. Luckily, the assassin sent for Queen Cecil had not managed to complete her mission during the winter months.

While there had been no similar attempt on Prijaznia soil, Thomas couldn’t help but feel it was only a matter of time now that the snow had melted. They were already working on increasing security in the coming weeks and, though it was doubtful an assassin had managed to hide in the castle all winter without revealing themselves, they’d be closely scrutinizing all of the newer staff members.

It would be a stressful time in the coming months, which is why, despite everything Thomas needed to do, he was still going to take his son and his son’s friends on a picnic today. Logan had already started taking on royal duties as of late, but he still hadn’t taken them all on quite yet. Considering this was last summer before Logan was of age, they should at least try to take advantage of it where they could. Patton was a year younger, but the sentiment held for him as well.

Then there was Virgil. Despite their best efforts, they still didn’t know enough about Virgil, but Thomas was fairly sure he’d never had a summer to enjoy until now.

“Thanks for prepping lunch for us,” Thomas said to Helen with a smile.

“No problem,” she said waving them off. “I put in some of Virgil’s favorites.”

“Great,” Thomas said. “Do you know where the kids are?”

“Patton said they were going to go pet the cats, so I’d guess they’re in the gardens.”

Thomas thanked her again and told her to have a good day before exiting the kitchen. There was a nearby door that led straight towards the part of the gardens Patton and Logan had always favored. He figured they’d either still be around there, or they would have wandered towards the stables by now knowing that they’d be taking horses to the cliffs. So, he decided to simply walk the normal path from the door to the stable, hoping to find them.

His prediction ended up being hilariously correct. They were indeed on the path Thomas had chosen. It was clear they (or at least Logan) were attempting to make it to the stable. However, as was typical, a portion of the party had been waylaid by whimsy.

Logan was standing further down the path, arms crossed and frowning as he watched his friends. Patton and Virgil were surrounded by cats. Patton was sitting down, holding two of them in his lap and watching Virgil’s legs being swarmed by the rest of them, maybe two dozen in total.

Virgil looked confused, but not unhappy about the presence of so many cats. He was leaning down to try to pet them all.

Logan met Thomas’s eyes as he approached and waved a frustrated hand at the two of them. Logan couldn’t help but smile.

“Virgil fed one of them,” Logan complained as though he wanted Thomas to somehow go into the past and prevent this crime.

Patton and Virgil looked over at Thomas, noticing him when Logan addressed him.

“You’re going to make Princess Marisol jealous,” Thomas said. Logan frowned at Thomas as he used the ‘Princess’ label for the cat.

“Princess Marisol decided not to come,” Virgil said with a shrug. He continued to pet one of the cats.

“She’s probably sleeping on my pillow,” Logan said, sounding grumpy.

Thomas just chuckled. Princess Marisol was technically Logan’s cat, at least that’s what the kids said, and she did spend much of her time in the royal rooms. However, she was very clearly actually Virgil’s cat. Virgil just spent a lot of time in the royal wing as well.

In fact, Thomas still didn’t know where Virgil was supposed to be sleeping. He and Mr. Deknis had gone so far as to tail him a couple of times, but he always ended up sleeping in Logan’s room those nights.

Knowing Virgil, he might just sleep in the walls. Though that still did not answer the question of where his parents or guardians were. They still had not figured it out. Thomas would assume he was an orphan who’d snuck onto castle grounds for safety, but Virgil had told Mr. Deknis during their first meeting that he was supposed to be in the castle, and it had not been a lie.

Then again, it had slowly become apparent that Virgil was good at dodging the multrum’s powers. It was starting to seem more likely that he’d somehow inserted a second meaning into his answer to Mr. Deknis that night than he somehow had some ghost guardian no one was able to locate working in the castle.

“She deserves the pillow more than you,” Virgil said, bringing Thomas’s thoughts back to the situation at hand. The look of audacity on Logan’s face made Thomas chuckle.

Thomas cut in before it could become a fight. “I could get Princess Marisol a pillow, so she doesn’t sleep on yours. Or we can get you a new pillow if you’d prefer, Logan.”

“It’s not about the pillow for her,” Logan argued. “It’s about her inflated sense of superiority.”

“She deserves it,” Virgil declared. Thomas could tell he was just trying to rile Logan up, and Thomas was sure Logan knew it too, but still his son reacted exactly in the way Virgil wanted him to.

“You have enabled and encouraged this behavior from the start!” Logan seethed.

“She’s a princess.”

“She is not a princess!”

Patton shook his head while squeezing the cats in his arms, completely used to this behavior. He ran a chin idly over one of the cat’s heads while watching the argument.

“We’re never going to make it to the picnic at this rate,” Thomas said to him, “and after your mother made all of this wonderful food.”

“You’re the dad,” Patton said. “Make them stop.”

And, of course, Patton did just mean that he was Logan’s dad with that statement. However, when he glanced back up at the silly argument still going on between his son and the cat covered boy, it did almost look like a fight between siblings.

Especially with the dark hair and stubborn but mischievous look in Virgil’s eyes, Thomas could almost imagine the boy being his own child.

He shook away the thoughts and glanced at the picnic basket in his hand.

“We do have a lot of food in this basket,” Thomas said, pitching his voice up so that Logan (and more importantly) Virgil would hear them clearly.

Virgil immediately turned to look at him, abandoning all interest in antagonizing Logan to look at the basket curiously.

Thomas was never sure if he should be amused or worried about how food motivated Virgil often was.

“What’s in the basket?” Virgil asked.

“I’m not sure,” Thomas said. “Patton’s mom made it. We’ll just have to see once we get to the picnic area.”

Virgil nodded in understanding and began to gently extract himself from the droves of cats. Logan rolled his eyes, but didn’t seem inclined to continue the argument he’d been dragged into. Virgil and Patton got to their feet, and they continued on their way towards the stables.

The horses Thomas had requested be prepared for their trip were already in saddles, though the stable hand who had been handling Mr. Apples seemed a bit dirtier and more exhausted than the rest.

The stable hand seemed as happy to hand Mr. Apples over to Virgil as Virgil was to have Mr. Apples handed over to him. Thomas received Bella with a smile and Logan and Patton got their own horses as well.

The cliffs were about half an hour's ride from the main castle. There was a mostly well-maintained path to them, though it was easy to get lost if one didn’t know the way. Mr. Apples knew the way perhaps better than Thomas himself and seemed annoyed by the fact that Thomas was trying to lead the way. Virgil and Thomas ended up side-by-side whenever the path allowed it to placate him.

Thomas still marveled at how willing Mr. Apples was to let Virgil ride him, especially when he tossed his head in Thomas’s direction, a horse’s equivalent of giving Thomas a stink-eye.

“Are you excited for the picnic?” Thomas asked the boy beside him.

Virgil glanced over at him and nodded.

“I am too,” Thomas said. “It’s always beautiful this time of year. I’m glad I could find the time to take you all there this year.”

“Are you very busy?” Virgil asked curiously.

“I am king,” Thomas reminded, “and now that the world isn’t snowed in anymore things will be busy.”

“With the war?” Virgil asked.

Thomas paused for a few seconds. “Yes,” he confirmed. “With the war, but you don’t need to worry about that.”

“Why shouldn’t I?” Virgil asked.

“You’re just a kid,” Thomas said.

“I’m 14,” Virgil said.

Thomas glanced at him. “Exactly,” he said, “a kid, and luckily, you’re in a place that can afford you the luxury of being one.”

“What do you mean?”

“The war has been mainly fought on Mocnejsi soil in recent years. Our boarders have held strong against invasions. Unless something goes horribly wrong suddenly, it would take a long time for the main conflict to get here. The only real threat in the castle would be assassins sent after me personally.”

“Right,” Virgil said. There was an awkward pause in conversation before he spoke again. “You’re winning the war then?” he asked.

“Something could always happen,” Thomas said, “but for the most part, yes, we have quite the advantage right now.”

“Oh,” Virgil said.

Thomas shook his head as they were coming up to a narrowing of the path. “Anyway, today is a day to not think about war. Today we’re going to have a lovely picnic and do some bird watching.”

“Right,” Virgil agreed from behind Thomas as Bella took the lead (to Mr. Apples discontent.)

When the path widened again, Thomas did his best to direct the topic to lighter subjects and soon they made it to the cliffs.

Chapter 57 (Virgil)

Virgil had never been to a picnic. At least, that’s what Patton had informed him when Virgil had described his past experiences of eating outdoors. Logan had agreed even though he’d admitted that the definition of “picnic” was only eating a pre-packaged meal outdoors which Virgil had done plenty of times.

From what Virgil could tell, the main difference was just how much stuff one brought to a picnic.

In addition to the basket full of food (that Virgil still hadn’t gotten to look in yet), the king had brought a large soft quilt that he had Logan and Virgil spread out on the ground for them all to sit on.

Patton and Logan had also packed some things themselves to bring along. Logan had brought along a book to read, and Patton had brought along a board game (thankfully not checkers but something Virgil did not recognize). Virgil hadn’t brought anything (except for the fire knife he was definitely not supposed to have and was definitely not letting the king see) because he hadn’t known he was supposed to bring things. He wouldn’t have known what to bring anyway.

The blanket was soft and a much better alternative to sitting on the ground, especially because, while there was grass at the top of The Cliffs, there were also a good number of rocks.

The king set the picnic basket in the middle of the blanket once it was spread out and then lowered himself down to sit on one side. Patton quickly followed him, already fiddling with some of his board game pieces, though he wasn’t setting it up yet. Virgil highly doubted that Logan was going to be allowed to read his book unless Patton eventually got bored of the game.

However, they would, hopefully, be allowed to make use of the basket the king had brought along.

Virgil followed the king and Patton’s lead and got to his knees on the blanket across the picnic basket from the king. He peered at the basket curiously.

He didn’t quite know what picnic food was, but Patton had told them they’d be getting ‘picnic food’ and he was very curious about what that meant.

King Thomas smiled at him. “Let’s see what Patton’s mom packed us, huh?” He reached for the basket and flipped it open as Logan sat next to Virgil. “There is a lot more food than usual in here,” the king said, sounding amused. “Let’s see.”

He began to pull out packaged food and glanced in each package to identify it before setting it out.

“We have a few types of mini sandwiches,” he said, putting them down, “and some pasta salad.” He set down the bowl.

“We also have… er something else.” He showed it to Logan.

“They’re hot cauliflower bites,” Logan said instantly upon seeing them. Virgil perked up in excitement. That was one of his favorite foods.

“Ah,” King Thomas said, but shrugged and set it down. “We also have two desserts apparently: cookies and mini apple pies. That last one’s a bit extra for a picnic.”

“They’re very good,” Virgil said happily.

“And we also have.” King Thomas paused, looking confused. “Chicken alfredo?”

“Yes!” Virgil said.

“Why do we have chicken alfredo for a picnic?”

“It’s a Virgil picnic,” Logan groaned. “She packed us a Virgil picnic.”

“Hey, at least momma sent us something too,” Patton said.

“I think I’ll stick to sandwiches for today,” King Thomas said. He looked at Patton and Logan. “Do either of you want…?”

“No,” Logan said. Patton shook his head.

The king nodded and offered the entire covered bowl of chicken alfredo to Virgil. “Here, this one’s yours,” he said.

“Really?” Virgil asked tentatively. It wasn’t exactly strange for people here to offer him food, and he’d expected and anticipated getting to eat on this venture, but the king of the country offering him an entire bowl of his favorite food was something else.

“It’s not really my idea of a picnic food and you seem excited for it,” King Thomas said with a warm smile, still holding it out.

Virgil took it reverently. Despite the time it had taken to get to the cliffs, the bottom of the container was still warm. Virgil assumed it was one of the heating spells the kitchen sometimes used.

“Thanks,” Virgil said, setting it in his lap.

“Of course, Virgil,” the king said.

The bowl was enough for four people to have a little bit, but for one person it was a lot. Still, Virgil was offered a little of every other food in the picnic basket (and he ate a good number of the hot cauliflower bites).

“Where do you put all of that?” the king asked when Virgil finished polishing off the chicken alfredo bowl.

Everyone else seemed to have finished eating long before Virgil, though Patton still had a small plate of grapes, and he occasionally popped one in his mouth. King Thomas was currently setting up the board game they’d brought on the blanket between all of them.

Virgil shrugged in answer to his question. “It’s good,” he said, “and I don’t want to waste any of it.”

“You know we can just take the leftovers back to the castle and eat them later,” King Thomas said. “You don’t have to eat it all now.”

Virgil just shrugged again, watching as the king set out a group of 8 figures on the board.

“Here, which character do you want to be?” the king asked Virgil, gesturing at the group of figures. Virgil had not noticed the figures were different at first glance. They were all copper colored and about the size of his thumb, but they had slightly different shapes. He squinted at them each carefully, finding they all looked like people, but with different clothing. Some worse pants and some skirts, a few had hats, and one was even carrying a book.

After a few moments, he pointed at one that looked like it had vines wrapped around its arms and was wearing a floppy hat that almost covered its eyes.

“That’s the druid,” King Thomas told him with a grin. “Good choice, and luckily not one that anyone usually fights over.” He glanced at Logan who didn’t react to his father’s gaze. He just plucked the figure clutching the book off the board for himself.

Patton and the king picked pieces for themselves. Patton picked one with an apron that kind of reminded Virgil of his mom and the king picked one that was in a suit of armor before putting the other 4 figures away.

Unlike checkers, this game wasn’t just for two people, and so no one had to sit watching people play while bored out of their mind.

85949

They played a practice round so Virgil could figure out how the game worked, though honestly it wasn’t that complicated, so it wasn’t really necessary.

The theme of the game was all about stealing. They were supposed to steal special tokens from other players as well as characters in the game and the first person with 20 tokens won.

The other three players argued that stealing was not the point and not the main mechanism of the game, but considering Virgil was consistently winning the entire time, he would argue they were just playing it wrong. He managed to collect 20 tokens before anyone else. In second place at this time was Logan with 9 tokens.

Logan insisted on continuing to play the game to determine 2nd and 3rd place, so Virgil ended up watching them play for a bit. Virgil didn’t mind sitting and watching other people play this game, mostly because he still had the joy of victory running in his veins.

Thomas was definitely going to lose, he noted. He kept wasting his money feeding the nonplayer characters who lived on his lands. Virgil didn’t mention this faulty strategy to him in case Virgil ever played him again.

When Logan took too long thinking about his next move, Virgil took in their surroundings.

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He’d been a bit too distracted by the prospect of food and then trying to understand (and then win) the game to truly take in The Cliffs. They were settled a good distance away from the cliffside but Virgil could still see how quickly the edge dropped off. He couldn’t see the large river he was told was at its base from where he was sitting, but he did see a few of the promised wild birds (including doves) flying around. The king had promised they’d bird watch for a bit, and Virgil figured that would happen after the game was over.

A cool spring breeze brushed across Virgil’s face, and he put his hand in his hoodie pockets to warm them. Instead, his fingers hit something icy cold.

For a moment, he didn’t remember what it was. The crescent shape of it was familiar when he put his hand over it, but he had never felt it cold before.

It was the protection charm: the first charm Virgil had ever made with Logan so many months ago. It was meant to ward off small threats as well as warn you about larger threats by changing temperature…

It had always been warm.

“What?” Patton asked, having noticed Virgil suddenly tense. Virgil, despite how he drilled into his friend’s heads to stay alert had gone soft. He’d let himself be distracted by a full belly and warm blankets and fun games.

He didn’t answer Patton. He filtered the other boy’s worried face out as well as Logan’s face as he glanced at him and the king’s still focused on the game for now. He filtered out the picnic blanket and smell of food still lingering in the air and the vine covered figure set in the middle of the board on the winner’s space. He filtered out the sound of the breeze and the breath of his companions and the distant chirping of birds.

And he heard a whoosh.

Chapter 58 (Patton)

If Patton hadn’t already been looking, he probably wouldn’t have had any idea what happened.

Everything had been fine. Virgil had been sitting cross legged, idly watching the conclusion of the game they’d been playing when his posture had suddenly changed. Patton had looked over at him only to see an expression on his face he didn’t recognize, but it didn’t seem good.

“What?” Patton had asked, but the question didn’t seem to register to Virgil.

Logan had glanced up confused and also noticed Virgil’s face. He’d just opened his mouth to also ask what was going on when chaos descended.

Virgil was suddenly moving, crashing into King Thomas who hadn’t even looked up to see something was wrong at that point. Patton realized after the fact that Virgil had swiped up the board of the game they’d been playing as he jumped over it, the pieces previously stacked on it scattering all over the blanket. There were three thumps as some things hit the thick board, imbedding themselves into the surface.

When Virgil discarded the board in favor of the picnic basket, Patton saw there were small darts in it oozing a dark black liquid. The parts of the board they touched were dissolving, the grass under the new holes beginning to wilt rapidly.

Logan seemed to notice the oozing liquid the same moment Patton did and was quicker to realize what it was. He grabbed Patton’s arm and yanked him away from the board so hard he almost dislocated Patton’s shoulder, not that Patton was too worried about that. He scrambled away from it when he realized what it must be himself.

He could hear the sound of glassware smashing above them. Logan and Patton had rolled off the blanket in their quest to get away from the smoldering, melting board and apparently Virgil had pulled the picnic blanket fully over the king at some point.

Virgil himself was now gone from where he’d been the last time Patton had looked and it took him a moment to figure out where the boy had gone. The person who had been shooting poisoned darts at them had been drawn out of the wooded area they’d been hiding in by Virgil’s attacks.

They were cloaked in dark green from head to toe, explaining why they’d been difficult to spot when they were in the woods. Whoever they were, they were significantly larger than Virgil, possibly an actual adult or almost adult assassin, but they were also clearly a long distant fighter. They had not been expecting resistance let alone resistance in the form of a so quick he was almost a blur fellow assassin.

They had a bow strapped to their back, but they hadn’t had a chance to get it. Instead, they were trying to fight Virgil off with an arrow they’d managed to draw from their quiver. Virgil, meanwhile was lunging at them with a broken piece of plate in one hand and the picnic basket in the other.

Virgil dodged out of the way of the arrow striking towards his arm, though Patton didn’t think it was because he was afraid of getting scratched by an arrow, but because it may also be poisoned tipped.

Virgil was distracted by dodging for long enough that the older assassin managed to hit him in the face with the arm not holding the arrow.

He went down, but he took the older assassin with him, sweeping their legs out from under them. Patton hadn’t noticed (his mind working too slow for how fast they were moving) but they were on a slight incline. They went rolling in a tangle of arms and legs towards the edge of the cliff and skidded to a stop only a few feet away.

Virgil ended up on top, his piece of broken plate in his hands. He moved to slash it across the other assassin’s throat and managed to draw blood, but the assassin’s fist came out to shove at Virgil’s chest at just the right moment, causing the strike to veer off course and slice across the assassin’s cheek instead.

Virgil jerked to the side to avoid a second strike to the chest and went back for another slash. The other assassin rolled to the side as he did and the plate only managed to nick their ear. The point of the motion hadn’t been to dodge, however. They were lunging for the arrow they’d dropped a few feet away while they’d rolled. They grabbed it with their right hand and in the same motion stabbed back behind them towards Virgil.

Virgil rolled to avoid the hit, already slashing up with his plate as the assassin turned back towards him.

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He didn’t hit them this time but his swipe managed to stop them from stabbing him when they tried again. They shoved themselves back to avoid Virgil’s swing, putting a bit of distance between them. Both of them managed to make it to their feet during the momentary reprieve, but both also stayed crouched, eyeing each other.

They both lunged towards each other at the same time. The assassin went for a stab to Virgil’s neck with the arrow, but Virgil was already ducking down. This time, he wasn’t going for a kill shot. He grabbed the assassin’s wrist and at the same time drove his piece of plate into the assassin’s arm, slicing down from the elbow to wrist. The assassin spoke for the first time, cursing in a language Patton didn’t recognize as they were forced to drop their arrow.

Virgil took a moment to kick the arrow away from the assassin and it ended up falling off the cliff.

However, this pause gave the assassin enough time to regroup. Despite their arm bleeding profusely, they still decided to use it to backhand Virgil across the face viciously, leaving a long line of their own blood across his face.

Virgil lunged back forward, but the assassin was able to get a leg between them, kicking Virgil squarely in the chest and sending him flying back a few feet parallel to the cliff’s edge.

The assassin went to grab their bow and another arrow from the quiver still strapped to their shoulder.

Virgil, however, apparently went for another weapon too and he was much faster with a knife than any archer. A knife appeared in his hand, having been strapped to his ankle and was embedded into the assassin’s chest before they could even full remove an arrow from their quiver.

The assassin promptly burst into flames, fire catching their clothes (and from the smell of it their skin) ablaze. Panicked and dying, they stumbled two steps to the side. They stepped directly off the cliff.

There was a second of silence. They heard the sound of the body hitting the ground far below and then the flap of wings and screeching as birds below fled from the startling sound (and possible soon to be forest fire).

…

“Uh, Virgil?” King Thomas said. He had managed to get the blanket off his head at some point. When, Patton didn’t know, but seeing any of it was probably enough.

Oopsie.

Chapter 59 (Logan)

Logan and Patton had been useless during the fight, but that may have been for the best. Considering the skill differential when it came to fighting (and that differential had never been as clear as it was in this moment), that was probably for the best. They likely would have just gotten in the way.

The moment Logan’s father spoke, however, they both jumped into action.

They both knew their jobs in a situation like this. Patton pushed himself up to his feet ungracefully and all but sprinted over towards Virgil. Logan, on the other hand stood to face his father, putting himself very purposefully between the man who had no idea what was going on yet and the boy who was two seconds away from remembering what was going on.

“I can explain,” Logan said.

His father was still sitting on the ground. “You can explain,” he said slowly, “how Virgil just threw an assassin off a cliff.”

Logan thought pointing out that Virgil hadn’t thrown anyone off a cliff and instead had set them on fire with a magical knife causing them to walk off a cliff, would not be useful in this moment. He glanced back briefly towards where Virgil and Patton were standing and then turned back to his father. “Yes.”

“And what would that explanation be?”

Before even starting to speak, Logan found himself making large dramatic ‘explaining hand gestures’ that he’d thought he’d long since trained himself out of. When he was younger and in trouble, he always used to give himself away as guilty by being overly expressive with his hands (and arms).

“So,” Logan said. He was still not able to stop the hand motions. “Virgil was an assassin. He came here to kill you last fall, but he accidently went to the wrong room in the royal wing. Patton and I were having a slumber party and caught him in the act. Then we reformed him and now he doesn’t kill people anymore.” He paused and glanced back, remembering the body that had just toppled off the cliff. “Er, uh, he doesn’t kill people who haven’t shot poisoned darts at people recently anymore?”

“What?”

“Look,” Logan said. “You’re going to have to tell him you’re not going to execute him soon. Patton can only keep him from bolting for so long.”

“Execute him?” his father asked.

“Well, he was a Mocnejsi assassin sent to kill you,” Logan said.

“Virgil is a Mocnejsi assassin,” his father repeated as though to confirm he’d heard him right.

Logan had thought the Mocnejsi was implied. “He was,” Logan confirmed.

“Why does that make more sense than any other explanation I’ve come up with for him?” his father asked while pinching his brow. Logan took that as rhetorical. Then, his father looked at him again. “He’s 14.”

“Yes,” Logan said, “I’m also pretty sure this is the first person he’s actually killed while not under a blood compulsion, so you really need to tell him he’s not going to be executed.”

His father seemed to actually absorb Logan’s request this time. He finally looked over Logan’s shoulder at Virgil, concern crossing his face at what he saw. “Right.”

He moved to step around Logan then, and Logan let him. Logan turned to watch him slowly approach Patton and Virgil, his hands out in a placating manner. He stopped a few feet away.

“Hey,” his father said. “That was a bit scary, huh?” Virgil looked at him, eyes wide and darting around like they did when he was looking for an escape. There wasn’t much of one being so close to the edge of the cliff.

Logan would worry he’d contemplate throwing himself off of it in a bid to escape if Patton wasn’t clutching him to prevent that. “You did a good job.”

That seemed to give Virgil pause, his eyes focusing on father. “Good job?” he asked.

“Yes, well,” father said with a small smile, “judging by what those darts are doing to the grass and how far we are from any supplies for counter potions, I think you blocking them probably saved my life. So, I think a good job is in order.”

Virgil did not respond verbally, though he tilted his head like he did when he was thinking through the steps of a potion.

His posture changed enough that Patton released him cautiously, taking a step away.

“But,” Virgil said. “I’m an assassin.”

“Yes,” Father said. “I could tell by how that fight just went.”

Virgil shifted his weight. “I came here to kill you.”

His father spread his arms wide. “Yet, here I am,” he pointed out. “You’ve had me alone multiple times including once in a secret room possibly no one would have ever found. Plus, you saved me today. I think that more than makes up for the intentions you had months ago.”

“Does that mean you’re not going to send me to prison?” Virgil asked. “Or execute me?”

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“No, of course not,” his father said.

Virgil eyed him, still slightly warry.

“I promise, Virgil, you’re fine.”

“Dad wouldn’t lie,” Logan interjected. Virgil looked over at him and then back at Father. He nodded slowly.

“Good,” Father said. “Now can we get a bit further back from the edge?” He glanced at Patton. “You too, Patton.”

Virgil and Patton both stepped towards him, and he herded them far away from the edge until they were at the edge of the surrounding forest. Logan followed as well.

“Can I touch your face?” Father asked once they were sufficiently away from the cliffs.

Virgil nodded and father pulled out a handkerchief. He carefully wiped the blood off Virgil’s face the best he could (most of it was not Virgil’s) and inspected the boy’s split lip and already bruising eye.

“Is your chest alright?” Father asked.

Virgil nodded. “Yeah.”

Father considered him. “Enough to ride back to the castle.”

“It wasn’t that bad of a hit,” Virgil insisted.

Father studied him for a moment longer. “I’ll choose to believe you for now,” he said. “We should get back to the castle as soon as possible just in case this is not an isolated attack.”

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“We don’t work in teams,” Virgil informed them. “They worry we’d get emotionally attached and not complete our missions.”

“I can understand why they would say something like that,” Father said, letting just a bit of his scorn come through, “but still, we should be on our way.”

With that, he put an arm on Virgil’s back to guide him back towards where they’d left the horses.

“Huh,” Logan said to Patton as they began to walk behind them. “I thought we’d be in more trouble for all of this.”

His father paused at overhearing that, turning to look at them over his shoulder briefly.

“Ah,” said Logan with a grimace. “I see.”

“It’s been nice being your friend all these years Logan,” Patton said solemnly. “Too bad we’re both going to be locked in our rooms for the rest of our lives.”

“Until your 50s with good behavior,” Father informed them blandly.

That was… probably fair. They did allow an assassin to freely roam the castle for months without telling anyone. The fact that his father was now watching that assassin like a hawk to make sure he wasn’t more injured than he was saying, did not change that fact.

Logan couldn’t find it in himself to regret it.

[barbiewritesstuff]

Wife, girlfriend or Whatever: Chapter 1

-- I promised @ravensmadreads I would upload this during the weekend and it's Tuesday.... pls forgive me

Big thank you to @lgg5989 for editing this for me <3

As always, the picture has nothing to do with the fic...

Tw. I guess age gap? Reader is 25 and Beau is like 50? Also Beau is cute and I love him? This is wholesome

Taglist: @luckyladycreator2 @feedthemadness-sweetie @ravensmadreads @lgg5989 --

"Aren't you grumpy this morning?" you said, walking into Cyclone’s office like he hadn’t just made a Lieutenant cry. You walked to his windows and opened the blinds, taking care to move them so the sun shone directly in his eyes, punishing him for treating an employee that way. 

He looked at you for a moment before bowing his head down with a sigh, "There's an uppity function in NYC on Monday," he said, sounding dejected.

"I know, I put it in your diary a month ago. Did you just remember?" you replied, turning around with your hands on your hips, about to launch into yet another lecture about checking his diary for important meetings.

"No," he said, too quickly, "Yes. Fleet Admiral Jameson reminded me this morning. Strongly implied it would look better if I brought a wife, girlfriend, whatever,..." he added, leaning back into his chair with a heavy sigh

"What's the problem with that?" you asked.

"I don't have a wife, girlfriend, or whatever,” he replied, looking at you like it was the most obvious thing in the world. It was. Even if you didn’t know him like the back of your hand -- and better, sometimes -- the fact that the corner of his mouth sported a smudge of dried toothpaste, that his tie was crooked and no one had brushed the cat hair off of the back of his uniform, or that he rarely ate anything other than microwave meals shamefully packed in brown paper bags gave him away as a single man.

 “I have a cat but I don't think they'll accept that…" he joked.

"Ah… No female friend?" You asked, he shook his head, "Acquaintance?" He shook his head again. You released a heavy exhale, "Cousin? Sister?" 

He scoffed, "I'm not bringing my sister," he said, outraged, "If being single isn't encouraged, chaperoned by his older sister is just going to be worse."

"Not chaperoned, accompanied," you corrected. He threw you a very pointed look, "Fine," you sighed.

"Do you think 'secretary' belongs in the 'whatever' category?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at you.

"Absolutely not," you replied, catching onto what he meant before the words even left his mouth.

"Oh come on! You're leaving in a month, right? Why not enjoy yourself in NYC?" He said, trying to convince you with a smile but the edge of desperation gave him away.

"Sir, you described it as 'uppity', I don't think enjoyment will come into it much,"

"Please?" He begged

"This is the last favour I ever do for you," you replied

"Absolutely," he promised

"With all due respect, sir," you said, "you're a pain."

Admiral Simpson laughed, "Scale of 1 to 10?"

"17," you immediately replied with a straight face

He laughed a little harder, "Oh God, how can I help?"

"You're on lunch duty. I'll have whatever salad has mozzarella,"

He threw a look telling you not to push it. Deciding he couldn't fire you even if you did, you shrugged at him.

"What?" You asked, your tone flat and expressionless "I'm in agony."

He looked away to hide the curl of his lip in an amused smile.

"Fine," he eventually sighed, "drop of the money and I'll go at twelve."

"I thought bills for workplace injuries were covered by my employer?" you asked, clearly making it known he would be paying.

"You're lucky you're good at what you do. And that you're leaving. I would have fired anyone else for talking to me like that,"

You gasped in fake outrage, "What?! You wouldn't! But I'm your oldest 'whatever'!"

"Get out!" He laughed, pointing at the door of his office

"I'll have caramel macchiato as well!" You said as you walked back to your desk

"Don't push it!" He shouted after you

You said nothing but mimicked slamming your hand against a button before returning to your desk. You sank down on the uncomfortable chair and swiped the mouse against the pad a few times to wake up the computer. It sprang to life and after filling in your password you went through the emails to find the information for the navy function.

If the email itself was anything to go by, the event would be more than ‘uppity’. Black tie formal attire required and dinner at a three Michelin star restaurant where the menu counted more French words than you had ever learned, you would not have qualified it as ‘uppity”. Uppity was a word dedicated to boy moms who thought they owned the field at your godson’s football practice. Or the kind of people who looked at you like you were nothing more than shit on their shoe because you decided not to eat organic. Those were uppity. This was downright fancy. 

And fancy meant shopping. You changed tabs on your browser and opened the website to one of the only stores in town that sold ballgowns and looked through their selection. When none of them struck your fancy, you decided to gamble and looked through your favourite online retailer. 

“Find anything?” Cyclone asked, making you jump. Seeing your reaction, he smirked.

“Nothing for the function,” you replied, trying to hide the seven other tabs you had opened showcasing a cardigan, three new skirts, two work shirts and a lipstick. Ever so observant, he swatted your hand away from the mouse and clicked through the tabs. He tutted until he reached the lipstick.

“Red?” he asked, clearly surprised

“It’s a nice colour,” you said, not keen on discussing your lipstick colour choices with your boss, “Don’t you think?”

“No, no, it’s nice, you’re right. I’m just surprised,” he replied, trying to backtrack so hard it was actually kind of funny, “it’s just -- isn’t pink kind of your thing?” 

“I like pink,” you replied, “But there are other colours.”

“I know. You don’t usually wear other colours, though,” he said. You rolled your eyes and looked down, ready to disprove his point with a single glance at your ensemble, only to find that your pencil dress and shoes were both the same shade of baby pink. 

“What are you doing here?”

“I brought you lunch?” he said, putting the plastic salad container down on your desk, followed by the venti cup of coffee. You glanced down at the clock on the screen and were horrified to find you had wasted most of the morning online shopping, “They were out of caramel macchiato, but I know you like pumpkin spice, so I got that.”

“I don’t like that you know so much about me,” you told him, grabbing the coffee and taking a long sip, savouring the beverage and noting that not only had he picked the correct backup flavour, he had also asked for non dairy milk and sugar free syrup. 

“You know more than that about me,” he frowned

“I’m paid for it, sir. Being a hobby secretary is just creepy,” you replied

“I am paid,” he retorted

“Uh huh,” you said, twirling your drink around in its cup.

“With the pleasure of your company,” he said, slowly backing away towards his office

“Leave. Now.” you told him, trying hard to look stern and annoyed

“Your cheery disposition,” he added, grinning widely. He winked at you.

“I despise you,” you said

“And your friendliness,” he laughed

“Leave! You’re so cheesy you’re stinking up the place,” you shouted and he vanished back in his office, laughing loudly. You rolled your eyes and resumed your shopping, finally deciding on a dress. You added everything to your basket and paid for it, wondering if, because this was technically a work function, you couldn’t get reimbursed for the price of the dress.

Deciding to test your luck, you drafted an email explaining the situation and attached a picture of your bill and sent it, hoping Jenna from accounting would be the one opening it. You liked Jenna, she always approved anything you sent and only ever replied to your emails via emoji. Your computer chimed with a notification and you smiled.

jenna.jones@us-navy.mil : ;)

You leaned back in your chair and grabbed the salad box, shaking it hard so the dressing mixed in with the veggies before popping the lid open and digging in, occasionally stopping to sip at the coffee. Too early for your tastes, you went back to work, calling to book flights and hotel rooms and confirm your attendance with the function’s organisational committee.  

Luckily the day came to an end eventually and you shut down the computer. The Admiral, always staying behind to finish whatever paperwork he hadn’t managed to work through the day, was still working hard, too concentrated to notice you pop your head through the door and say goodbye. 

You looked at him, hunched over his desk, a deep frown visible between his brows. His eyes were straining in the dim light of his office lamp, night having already fallen over San Diego. You left your bag by his door and walked to the recreation room where you made him a coffee. Taking the cup back to his desk, you stopped by yours to find his spare pair of reading glasses -- which you kept in the locked compartment of your file drawer so he couldn’t lose those too -- and a few biscoff biscuits, and brought everything over to him. 

“Thanks, just put it down wherever,”

“Put the glasses on,” 

“I will, just have to finish this,”

“Beau,” you said, startling him out of his concentration with the use of his first name, “Put the glasses on. You’ll get a headache,” 

“Okay,” he said softly, taking them from your hands and perching them on the bridge of his nose.

“Pain meds are in the top drawer of your desk,” you said in the same gentle tone of voice, “Don’t be long.”

You turned around and left, picking your bag up on your way out. You made it about halfway down the maid corridor when the Admiral’s upper body popped through the doorway.

“Y/n!” he called after you, “Err… Goodnight. Drive safe,” 

Involuntarily, your eyebrows shot up in surprise. He’d never said goodnight before. Though surprising, it wasn’t entirely unwelcome, as evidenced by the warm feeling quickly spreading through your chest and the rosy tint your cheeks had taken on.

“Right, yes. Thank you,” you replied, “I will.”

You turned around before he could see the smile spreading on your face and walked out of the building.

[annonniiiiieeeee]

How long did Kendra and Donnie take you get together? And how much was the betting pool? Because I am starting one

So here’s the thing. In the show (and this is following the school ages for New York where they live)

Mikey is 13 making him in 8thish grade age range.

Leo and Donnie are 14 so they are roughly freshmen (year 9)

Raph is 15 making him as a sophomore (year 10) and

April is 16 making her a junior (year 11)

I put Kendra and April as the same age.

Kendra and Donnie are a long game. They HATED each other in high school. Absolutely in their enemies stage.

The movie takes place two years after the beginning of the show

Mikey is 15 (sophomore year 10)

Leo and Donnie are 16 (junior year 11)

Raph is 17 (senior year 12)

April is 18 (first year is college)

Valentines takes place in what would be Kendra and April’s second year of college. Making them around 19-20

Raph, Lisa, and Usagi are 19 (first year of college)

Leo and Donnie are 18 (their birthday was in October) (last year of high school)

Mikey is 16-17

The valentines arc is defiantly when they become allies. Begrudgingly at first but they are allies not friends.

I think during their college age years (18-22) they start to become better allies until they finally have to call each other friends.

I think this is also the age in which Donnie is launching “Genius Built” as a company (this is the business where he’s selling the tech he makes) I think after enough trust is built Kendra and the dragons get invited to work for him/with him.

Kendra argues it’s with (Jermey and Jason are working for THEM) donnie argues it’s his company so Kendra is also working for him. And thus they are now co-workers. And maybe friends though neither will admit it.

I think it’s around 24 - 25 that they finally get together. They’ve had crushes on each other for a while now. (Kendra from much longer then Donnie) but I think this is when they finally get their act together. And I’m going to have it have to do with Nano. I’m still working it out but the little bot that desperately wants a dad and a mom is the final push these to needed to get their act together.

Mind you Leo and Usagi are already married at this point and Raph and Lisa are engaged at the very least.

Leo wins half the betting pool. (He knows his twin well) he guess the right age/time frame. How ever he did get the cause right. Strangely enough it is Jason who guessed the correct even. “Kendra and Donnie are so wrapped up in their own heads they can’t see whats right in front of them. They would need a robot to spell it out for them”

But it takes almost a decade of knowing each other before they finally get together.

[cosmicjoke]

I found another analysis, which, I think, is even better, they all come to same conclusion though:

Eren & Armin are the same age and Mikasa is a year older than them. Levi is around 15 years older than Eren. So, At the start of the series when Wall Maria was breached, Eren and Armin were 10 years while Mikasa was 11. Levi was probably around 25 at this time… 2 years later, they started their training, so Eren and Armin were 12 years old while Mikasa was 13. In that way, Levi was 27 at this point. As soldiers, Eren and Armin were 15 years old and Mikasa was 16… This is when Levi meets them and he's 30 at this point … At the end of S3 when they discover the open sea beyond the walls, Eren and Armin are 16 and Mikasa is 17 which makes Levi 31… In Season 4, the story continues 3 years later, so Eren and Armin are 19 years old with Mikasa being 20 and Levi 34 years respectively…

Also, friendly reminder that the whole chaos from Season 1 to 3 actually happened in just 4 months — people (not you) tend to forget this.

One other thing I just noticed: that person on Twitter (from screenshots) said that Isayama said Levi is probably 30. That’s not true. In that interview he said that he’s in his late 30s, which was later admitted to be a mistake and was corrected, but I already mentioned this in my previous ask so no need to repeat all that lol. Anyway, I’ve read many analyses and they all come to the same conclusion, which is 35 years in s4.

beside the point: I read those two post you linked in my previous ask and your theory actually made me cry; I never looked at Kuchel & Levi’s, or Kenny & Levi’s relationship for that matter with rose tinted glasses, but once you take all this into consideration it gets even more heartbreaking. And that despite all of that Levi turned out to be the way he is is just admiring.

Yeah, that sounds about right, haha. I always put Levi at about 34 or 35 after the time skip. Which means at the very, very end of the manga, when we see him with Gabi, Falco and Onyankopon, he'd be about 38 or 39. He's YOUNG, lol. But people always talk about him like he's this ancient geezer. I guess because Levi is such a serious man. There's nothing childish about him. He's very mature and reliable and staunch. But he's not old.

And thank you so much for your kind words regarding my analysis posts. Indeed, Levi's life has been truly heartbreaking and tragic, especially when you stop to really think about it, what he went through, the things that shaped him, etc... I don't think people ever give enough consideration to just how awful his life has been. I always say it's really a miracle that Levi turned out the way he did. He ended up being the kindest, most compassionate person in the whole series, not because of his upbringing, but in SPITE of it. If that doesn't show Levi's courage and heroism, I don't know what does. Everything in his life should have twisted him into the kind of monster we see Zeke is, or Eren is, or Kenny is, but instead, he ended up being the most humane and empathetic person of all. It's pretty amazing. Levi's amazing. He deserves more credit for beating the odds and being a good person.

[frostcorpsclub]

25 and 40 for Suzy from the Weirdly Specific OC Questions meme 💙

25. What subject / topic do they know a lot about that’s completely useless to the direct plot?

Art history! Her mother was one of those rich people who would have kept an artist around to commission lots of paintings and statues like in the renaissance if she could, she was an avid collector of art. Trips to the gallery and art auctions were some of the only times Suzy was on her best behavior so her mother would bring her! She was genuinely interested and it was the one positive of an otherwise toxic relationship so it’s something Suzy cherishes. Florian Althaus who I’ve mentioned minimally before, was Eloise’s affair partner and Suzy’s music/german teacher, he was an art collector by profession. So it has been a near constant in her life.

You may have seen me joke about Jack liking trash tv like “Pawn Stars,” this is really the only time her love of art history and antiques comes up. He loves the trash portion and she loves the treasure, giving him subtle clues so he has more fun making guesses about the items while thinking he deduced them himself.

It’s funny because people always ask what age gap couples have in common which is a fair question but Jack being so old and Suzy being so rich it kind of cancels out LOL

40. How do they respond to a loose handshake? What goes through their head?

I’m going to do you one better and also tell you how she’d respond to a handshake that’s too hard too, because something I’ve noticed is that some men (I’ve seen videos of women discussing it) will hurt a woman on purpose with their handshakes as a power move.

Loose and weak: It depends on what else she observes about the person but either way it isn’t good.

If a man shaking her hand is relatively young she would take a matronly stance, turning her nose up and explaining that this is something that simply must be fixed if he was going to make any good impressions in his industry. If he’s like a teenager/child level of young she gives him some grace, but the behavior still must be corrected.

If it’s an older and more important man she would probably keep it to herself as she understands social hierarchies of course, but it will affect the way she talks about him with others. She’d see him as feeble and nervous, she can smell his fear or his inadequacies and she won’t keep her mouth shut if someone asks for her opinions. Which people often do, her instincts may be petty and persnickety but sometimes they’re right.

She doesn’t usually shake hands with women but if she does it isn’t that big of a deal to hear, the other woman probably just isn’t used to doing it. Suzy would judge the fact she went in for a handshake at all over the quality of it, then again, why do it if you are going to fail at it!

Overcompensating: Now THIS is where she’s at her best hehehe

Suzy isn’t one of those pick me girls who agrees with everything a man says for attention and validation, even if she pretends to be to piss people off. She can pick out a man who’s overcompensating from a mile away. She contemplates them as the spider contemplates a fly in its web. If she has any say in the matter she will try to stick back and catch his eye, hide behind her fan and make herself small and demure, but also ensure there’s others around her. Hopefully other men who care for her.

When she finally goes in for the kill she gingerly places her hand in his at which point the man would squeeze like he was trying to break her hand. She lets out the most pathetic princessly yelp she can muster and looks at him with her mouth agape.

“Do you mean to beset me Sir?!”

She looks around to make sure people are watching.

“That is NOT a gentleman’s handshake!” (/ref)

You may think that a man doing that probably would feel good about hurting a woman but that’s not the point, she can give him the win of getting a reaction out of her in exchange for publicly humiliating him.

[redtoondevils]

Randomness.

Gregory came back to the daycare after being Banned, then came up to Sun, when he was busy drawing...Something? On a big piece of paper, that has letters on them, but it's too flat for him to read it. He walks up behind him, and say's. "Hey Sun!" "Go away!" Sun answered back, not looking back on him, still scribbling on the paper.

Rough handling the paper, free hand. Applying so much pressure onto the crayon, with a wide motion, and scribbling onto it so quickly.

Breaking down the wax on the crayon little by little. Gregory signed, and asked "What are you doing?" "What does it look like to you? I'm drawing!" Sun answered back, turning his head to face Gregory, then turned it back. "What are you drawing?" Gregory asked, getting curious with his work. "Uh, uh! It's not finished yet!" Sun insisted.

Then turned back to him, standing up a little. "What do you want?" He asked, getting up on his feet and correcting his posture. "I came back to talk to you!" Gregory replied, reasonably.

"You want to ask for my forgiveness, is that it?" He wondered, folding his arms, sounding pouty. "Well...Yeah!" Gregory agreed, nodding.

"Well...I'm not ready yet!" Sun answered him, shamelessly. "Oh, okay." He paused, then took a small inhale, and asked. "...How old are you?" He asked, after pausing.

Sun took a deep long sigh. his patience wearing being tampered with, with this kid. He checked himself, before saying..."Guess..." under his breath.

Gregory stood with a thinking manner, then looked his eyes up in the process, "I don't know...I'm thinking...10?". He guessed. Giving a small shrug. Sun chuckled quietly.

"Wanna try that again?" He asked, slowly calming down, grinning. Gregory stared at him with a puzzled look, as he spoke "What? Why? You look young!" Gregory answered. Brushing off this awkward statement, with a playful attitude. Smiling.

Sun, is getting onto it too, then he asked Gregory, creating a guessing game. "Do you really know how old I am?" He started this off, with a small tease. Then, at this point, his question captured Gregory's attention. "Oh? Nooo. Are you having me on? You really been here longer?"

Gregory say's, now getting more invested with this guessing game. Now curious, with a small touch of dis belief. "Not for years, here. But, I have a long background." Sun hinted. Now Gregory, is hooked, and he takes it seriously..."No way-"He started, so he begins to guess. "20?" Sun shook his head. "25?" "Higher." Sun say's, "30?"

"Higher."

"35?"

"Higher."

"45...?" Gregory say's, widening his eyes. Guessing the years.

"Higher."

"F...fffFifty?" Gregory say's getting shocked with the numbers rising.

"That's it!" Sun stopped him there, before Gregory get's too over whelmed, with the answer. "50?" Gregory asked again, with his mouth open. "Yep!" Sun replied. "Woah!...Hang on. What year is this now?" He asked, this question mostly to himself, but wanted to ask Sun to remind him.

"2019."

"2019? 1970-to 2019...That was around...1970...1980, 1990...That was 2 decades, so that was 20 years. Then 2000, that's 30. 2010 is 40...Then this is 2019 now...So that marks the year by...Woah, yeah marks it exactly today!

Then next year that number will mark it by 51! Huh. That's correct! Ah, well that's not so bad!" He say's putting on a wide proud grin. At Sun.

"Impressive mental mathematics kid!" Sun praised.

"Why thank you! And hey, for you. You aged well!" Gregory complemented, polietly giving him a smile. Sun actually took a moment, to appreciate his comment.

And felt flattered, with it. Then responded by putting his hand, on Gregory's head. Then said. "I've never heard a kid tell me something so nice before. I really have had a really good time!"

Then Gregory held his hand, then said. "You're welcome, Sun!" Then, without warning, Sun instantly, picked the kid up, and held him in a tight squeeze, without Gregory noticing.

"Oh come here you, friend-!" He exclaimed. "Ah, oh g-geez Sun!" Gregory called out, getting smothered with his light warming hugs. At first, he felt bothered, but then he forget about it, and accepted it anyway. With thought, 'Well, never mind.'

[samueldays]

I’ll share an anecdote tangentially related to IQ. My friend once played a game of addition, subtraction and multiplication with his mother. She struggled to answer even basic addition equations. He had the idea of replacing “what’s 34 + 68” with “what’s 34 ** + 68 ** (** being the local currency) and amazingly she started giving the correct answers almost immediately. Had she sat an arithmetic test she would have scored very poorly, but place those numbers in the context of home finances and she becomes outstanding. I don’t know how reflective IQ is of mental aptitude among people of low educational attainment.

You may be interested in the Wason Selection Task, which has been tested on large numbers of people and shows a similar effect. It consists of two short sub-tasks.

Task one: There's four cards lying in front of you, whose face-up sides show 4, 5, A, and T. Each card has a letter on one side and a number on the other side. Which cards do you have to turn over to check if the cards are following the rule "Only cards with a vowel on one side are allowed to have an even number on the other side"?

About 4 of 5 people get this wrong. (Hint: There's two cards you have to check.) Make a guess if you like, then keep reading.

Task two: There's four tables at a restaurant, and at quick glance you see the people at them are respectively 14 years old, 25 years old, drinking water, and drinking wine. Each person has an age and a drink. Which tables does the bouncer have to check to see if people are following the rule "Only people over 18 are allowed to drink alcohol" ?

Almost everyone gets this right.

As you can see from the way I described these tasks, the very abstract structure of both is the same. But, social context makes one of them much easier. Your friend's mother is not alone about this.

For testing people who have dyslexia or dyscalculia, there's many variations on the Wason task that go like "each card is either red or yellow on the back... only yellow cards are allowed to..." that show the same result. Abstract tasks: people consistently get it wrong, even smart and well-educated people get it wrong. Social rule enforcement task: people not only get it consistently right, they get it right and think it's obvious.

A fun footnote to the Wason task and its variations is that it's apparently not familiarity with "drinking age" in specific that makes the second version easy. It's any sort of social rule. For example, checking the rule "Only employees of the Ministry of Printing are allowed to have forehead tattoos" is easy for people to check the right way even if their country doesn't have such a ministry and they've never dealt with forehead tattoos.

[jennawynn]

Chronotrek TNG Part 2

Season 1 Ep 8- Season 2 Ep 1

I didn't do a very good job of keeping notes for most of this (and I might not until I'm Actually Watching again vs having it on while I work).

"There can be no justice so long as laws are absolute." More "woke garbage" that conservatives (and shatner) missed the first time around, I guess lmao.

16- Why not just cast actual old people-- oh, it's another de-aging plot. Carry on.

17- Knowing that Frakes had a back injury makes it really easy to spot. Poor guy.

23- ok ffs, if the captain calls down to Engineering, it's because he needs to know something, probably quickly. you don't delay that by giving him your full first, middle initial, last name and title when you answer the phone, you just say "Engineering".

Skipping things and doing them by hand because the _computer_ is too slow?? Are you INSANE?? It's amazing these ships don't blow up more.

RIP Yar. Does everyone just... record themselves saying goodbye to everyone just in case? brb gonna go write a letter then make sure never to update it so the things i say will be weirdly out of context.

25- Data trying to understand jokes and faking laughter is A+, no notes, I totally see why he is the autistic posterchild.

"no logs" except those needed for the narrative I guess.

Still cutting from close-ups to wide angle, from the back, stunt fight shots, huh? Even more jarring in this one with how frequently it cuts back and forth so the old admiral can kick riker in the chin.

And Season 2's opener... I have a few feelings about this one.

1- the captain outing troi's pregnancy to everyone... nice tact, cap. but the hilarious part is that he's like Picard- Counselor Troi is pregnant Riker- no reaction Picard- She's going to have a baby. Riker- :shocked_pikachu: A BABY?! yes, Riker, that's what pregnant means.

I hate pregnancy storylines (and apparently Troi's actress did too, or at least this was listed on IMDB as her least favorite ep)

I do not like the new doctor. Maybe it's bias bc I saw something about how Beverly was removed bc the actress fought against the sexist storyline last season, but she makes a mockery of Data's 'bruised feelings' when he corrects her pronunciation of his name (One is my name, the other is not.) and when he leaves, she has the parting blow of 'Day-ta. Whatever.' like his feelings, his NAME, don't matter to her. There was something else too, but I didn't write it down and now I've forgotten. She's just... grating on me for some reason.

However, the highlight of this episode is Worf volunteering to 'tuck Wesley in at night.' It was a cute scene about making sure that Wesley doesn't feel isolated if he stays onboard without his mom, that he still has people to act as his family aboard, looking out for him and acknowledging that even if he is an acting ensign, he's still a child.