Ppl dont talk enough about Sirius slashing the Fat Lady portrait, like... Of course she refused to let him in without a password (if at all)! But his reaction was to violently cut her with a knife for it? Some real anger issues.
RIGHT. Like of course the Fat Lady isn’t going to let some psycho dirty Pimento-looking adult man into a common room filled with children at night, and he didn’t even have the password. 💀 When she refuses (because that’s what anyone would do), he seemingly tries to kill her. Like mate I get that you’re going through things rn but you need to be fr for a second.
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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
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In a fight with Mike, El begs him to tell her he loves her and calls herself a monster. That fight is not about Mike or their failing romance; it is about her hating herself. It isn't about Mike; she wants it to be from Mike but it isn't about him. She believes that she is an unlovable monster and she just needs someone to tell her "you are not a monster, people have flaws and that is okay. I acknowledge that and still say: I love you." And guess what, her prayers have been answered:
"You speak of monsters and superheroes. That's the stuff of myth and fairytales. Reality, truth, is rarely so simple. People are not so easily defined." "I care[d] for you; I love[d] you."
And it is the most disgusting thing in the show. I have watched scissors in a back, burning flesh, rats explode into goo and eat people's faces. That is the most disgusting thing in the show.
And they know it. Because that's the point. She is disgusted by it. And it causes her to realize what she thought she needed was actually just what she wanted and she doesn't actually need it at all. She is fine without it and she can leave. It is a wake up call for her. And she does just that. She leaves. She leaves knowing her worth and she is lovable enough that she doesn't need him to love her, she can do it herself.
I've talked before about the many usages of "love" leading up to Mike's - Jason to Chrissy, Nancy and Jonathan, Max signing her letter to Billy, Jonathan to Will - but none of those actually matter too much in how it affects his words.
It doesn't matter that other people have already said it. It matters that El has already heard it by the time she gets Mike. And it is exactly what she wanted to hear. And she hated it.
Mike's words mean nothing now. Because if Brenner can say them and believe it, Anyone can. "I love you" is no longer some great feat. It's something you can be wrong about with your whole chest. Because they cracked open the door, made Brenner an easier to swallow gateway and said "Remember: nobody ever said it had to be true. They just said he had to say it."
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Rewatching dead boy detectives and I love the music box that starts playing when Charles started hitting the night nurse. Like, the haunting melody went so well with the shock of what we learned about Charles' past and his sudden outburst (spiralling out of control, the feeling of the world beating down on you over and over and even when you try your best, be your best self, it isn't enough and there isn't anything you can do). And then morphed to something more upbeat/thrilling when she fell into the sea, followed by complete silence with Charles' breakdown. Oughhhhhhhhh
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