#if you told 13 year old me that i'd be a full on guy with a beard by 22 i think i'd shit myself

[obsmiechujek]

Guess who's celebrating coming out as trans today!!!

[thebestofoneshots]

Gilded Constellations | wolfstar x reader

Series Masterlist | Previous episode

Pairing: Wolfstar x Reader Word Count: 7.2 K Warnings: none Prompt: What will happen when yet another full moon approaches, could things start to change? This IS a wolfstar x reader fic, but it's incredibly slow burn. They won't start all dating each other until we're very deep into the story, but I promise the long wait will be worth it.

ANOUNCMENT:

In a couple of weeks I'll make a Q&A to cellebrate Gilded Constellations reaching 100,000 K words. And I'd love for all of you to be a part of it. So send in your questions, they can be anything you want, things like: How did you get the idea? Where does inspo come from? writing tips (I mean I don’t know much but anyway), character design, fancast, fav characters, things about me, about my plot notebook, literally anything you want, ask away (just state: For Q&A event or something) <3

Chapter 13: “Rebel, Rebel.”

October, 22nd (Friday)

A week after the incident, your mom had already sent your old Viper, but the Nimbus company had yet to respond to your letter. You’d gotten used to your older broom pretty fast. Muscle memory must really be a thing, since the moment you mounted it, it was like you’d been doing it forever. 

James was right, the Viper was a lot more stable than other brooms. More than Sirius’ SweepFire, and probably more than the Dark Nimbus itself. But it was slower, you’d already gotten used to the fast accelerations your Dark Nimbus had, and now you had to be extra attentive of the ball so you could make a move before it had enough time to get past you and onto one of the goals. Regardless of the slowness, the Viper was sturdier and heavier, which made it easier to do tricks like the backflip people still wouldn’t stop talking about. Last Tuesday you’d even attempted to surf on it, and you managed to do perfectly fine for a couple of meters until James spotted you and gave you the longest talk about being responsible and not doing stupid things, the hypocrite. But he was on captain mode and when he got on that mood it was absolutely useless to talk him out of it, so you nodded and promised you wouldn’t do it again, even if you probably would at some point. 

You told Lily about dating Sirius as soon as you were feeling better, she asked you so many questions, from how it’d happen to how good were Sirius’ kisses. She had been told he was really good by a girl back in 5th year, and she wanted to know if it was true or if the girl was just obsessed with Sirius like most girls in school. You omitted the fact that you probably were just as obsessed with him as they were and confirmed that Sirius was indeed a good kisser, not that you’d kissed all that many people before, but still. The rest of your friends had slowly found out about your new relationship, be it for the way Sirius sat next to you a lot more often now, because his teasing and flirting had gotten a lot stronger. Or, in the case of Tom, because he’d accidentally found you snogging on an empty classroom, at least he just gave you a thumbs up, a cheeky smile, and whispered something like “Keep it going guys! You’re doing great”.  Both you and Sirius had separated to laugh about it when Tom closed the door. 

“You ready?” Sirius asked with a smile, pulling you from your thoughts.  You looked at him with a daring face. 

You know that thing you were told not to do a couple of days ago and you promised you wouldn’t? Well, that promise lasted exactly 4 days, 3 hours and a couple of minutes. James was busy with an essay he’d forgotten about, and you and Sirius had gone flying together, and unfortunately, neither of you had a clear enough sense of self-preservation when you were around each other. Especially not after someone said, “I dare you to…” 

You were slowly standing over your broom, hands extended to try and keep your balance. Neither of you was flying too high, that way if you fell you wouldn’t get too hurt. Once you had managed to maintain your balance you nodded “Ready,” you said with a wink, and the two of you started broom surfing, picking up speed as you glided through the open fields of the school. As you were about to reach the finish line, you realized the grass was moving in a funny way right in front of you, and you frowned.  

“Hey Sirius I think–“ you started, but it was too late, something had yanked both of your brooms down and caused you to tumble down to the grass. You’d fallen over and rolled a couple of meters while he’d fallen over something, or rather someone. As you looked up you realized he was right on top of Remus, who had popped out of nowhere (probably the invisibility cloak). As the two of them sorted themselves out you stood up quickly and looked around, spitting some of the grass that had gotten inside your mouth. And then you spotted them, Barty Crouch and Evan Rosier, hiding behind a stone wall. You took your wand out and pointed it at them. Evan seemed to pull back but Barty just smiled wickedly “The fuck is wrong with you?” You roared, already walking towards where they stood. 

Barty walked head high towards you too “You saw them fall, Evan? It was hilarious!” 

“Fall? You must be bIoody delusional if you think you’re going to trick me with that! I felt the way my broom was yanked down.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said with a smile “Do you Evan?” 

Evan shook his head, as if Barty needed a sidekick to be vile. 

“You’re begging for me to break your stupid nose again,” you replied as you looked at him impassively. 

“I’d like to see you try,” he said smugly. 

You pointed your wand at his face, but Remus stood in front of you, calmly placing his hand over the one you used to hold your wand and pushing it down a little, to prompt you to do it yourself. 

Sirius stood still next to Remus, looking at Barty with hate, but keeping a strong grip on his wand. 

“Remus what the–“

“–He’s provoking you,” he told you calmly “he wants you to react.” 

“Yeah, well maybe I want to react,” you retorted, now slightly irritated at your friend’s actions. He just looked at you, shook his head calmly and softly ran his thumb over your forearm, still pushing it lightly down. If anyone knew about anger management it was Remus Lupin.

“Hey,” he said softly, looking at you straight in the eye, trying to get you to focus on him, rather than on Barty looking at you cockily from behind “Look at me luv,” he cooed, you looked at him for a second but turned your eyes back to Barty “I’m fine, Pads’s fine, you’re fine. There is no need to fight.” 

“You could’ve gotten hurt, we could’ve–“ 

“–Listen to me. Don’t give him the satisfaction of rilling you up. You don’t want him to be the cause of Gryffindor losing points, do you? That’s probably why he’s–“ 

“–yeah, go ahead (Y/N), listen to your boyfriends, they know what’s best,” Evan taunted from behind, you clenched your jaw. But took a deep breath, finally lowering your wand. Maybe you should’ve put him in his place then and then, how different would things have ended up if you actually had? 

“You know what Barty? Remus is right, you aren’t even worth my time.” You said standing straighter “At least be more creative with your petty jokes next time, all right? Maybe then you’d at least keep me entertained.” Then you turned around and used your wand to pull both yours and Sirius’ broom to your hands and walked back to the castle, lagging just a second so Sirius and Remus would walk by your side. 

“I want to strangle him,” you told them once you thought the two Slytherins were out of earshot.

“You and me both,” Sirius agreed, taking his broom from your hands, but lingering as his fingers brushed over yours “I probably would have, had Remus not stopped me first.” You looked at him for a moment and then recalled, Sirius was still on top of Remus because of the fall when you speed-walked towards the two Slytherin boys.  “And he’s right, the last thing we want is to start an open war in between us and his stupid gang.” 

“But they already started it, we’re just not doing anything about it.” You reproached, still a little riled up, the urge to punch Barty was wearing you thin, “Anyway, I do not want to have detention while everyone’s enjoying themselves at the Halloween party next week.” 

Remus smiled “How do you know about that?” 

“Tom and Beth told me all about the party you guys always plan together, I’m already preparing my costume.” 

“Is it gonna be a sexy Halloween costume, luv?” Sirius chimed in, leaning towards you with a little smirk on his face. 

 You pushed him back playfully “Ugh… don’t be such a dog!” 

Remus laughed at that, “I’m sure you’d look pretty even in a sack of potatoes.” 

“Yeah, in a very short one,” Sirius teased even further. 

“If only my boyfriend was as much of a gentleman as his friend here,” you said with a playful sight.

“You clearly don’t know Moony’s dark side,” Sirius chimed. 

You arched your eyebrows at that “And you do?” 

Sirius was about to respond when Beth showed up, looking a bit agitated as If she had been running “There you are!” She said as she stood in front of the three “Professor Spellman wants to see us earlier today, something about a special announcement.”

You frowned “Right now?” You asked. She nodded. 

“But we haven’t eaten!” Sirius complained. 

“I don’t think it’ll take too much,” Beth said with a shrug, “But it did seem rather urgent.” 

You nodded and the four of you started walking towards the North Tower. When you arrived, you realized they hadn’t exclusively called your class, in fact, the entire school year had somehow crammed inside the classroom. There were barely any sits left, when Tom saw Beth, he quickly waved to her and she went to sit besides him. You scanned the room and found only one table free, you rolled your eyes when you realized Evan and a Slytherin girl from his year whose name slipped your mind were sitting behind it. You looked at Sirius and pointed at the only free spot with a nudge of your head. 

He rolled his eyes but the three of you walked towards the table, the boys pushed the two chairs together and you squeezed in between the two. Leaning ahead a little so they could accommodate their larger backs onto the chair. Sirius had placed his hand on your tight under the table, and you gave him a look, “I’m gonna fall if I don’t grab onto something,” he said with an innocent smile.

“Yeah, sure enough, Puppy,” you replied playfully. 

“Hm… that’s the fifth from this week,” he said as he squeezed your tight.

Then you felt something pull your hair from behind. You turned around pissed and Evan was smiling “What? Did I ruin your cuddle time with your two boyfriends?”

You looked at him, but smirked “Why, you jelly?” You asked but didn’t give him enough time to reply, “You should know by now that my cuddle time knows no bounds. It's an exclusive club with a very long waiting list. But don't worry, I can squeeze you in somewhere between Tuesdays and never." 

Evan’s face turned sour while Sirius looked at you with a proud smirk and Remus laughed, chest rumbling behind you. He was about to retaliate when Professor Spellman walked in. So you decided to piss him off even further “Shh honey…” you said as condescendingly as possible “Teacher’s about to speak,” finally you turned around with a smirk. 

Remus gave you a side eye and placed his hand, palm facing up, just above your lap, raising his eyebrows, you understood what he meant in a second and high-fived him instantly, giving him a wink before leaning over the desk a little, to give the two boys some space. 

When Spellman finally reached his desk, he gave you a stern look “Miss (Y/LN), why are you sitting between Mr. Black and Mr. Lupin?” 

“There was nowhere else to sit,” you replied, motioning to the crammed classroom “I can sit on the floor if you want though.” 

The Professor sighed but nodded, “That won’t be necessary, this won’t take too long,” he said, before waving his wand and letting a long banner unroll from the ceiling over the chalkboard.

It read: The Moon and the Stars

“As some of you who keep up with the astral cycle may know, next Sunday is full moon,” Spellman said, you felt Remus tense behind you, which made you frown, but the professor kept talking, and you ended up shrugging it off “And not only that, but a very interesting phenomenon will also occur, it will be a bIood moon, which makes it the perfect moment for an astrology class,” He said with a proud smile “You will all be excused from today’s class in exchange for 2 hours of your Sunday night.” There was a mix of groans and cheers in the classroom, from those who were happy about not having class, and those who were upset about having class on a Sunday “Class will start at 10 pm,” Spellman continued, not giving the children time to protest “bring your notebooks and telescopes, those who have their own. We will meet in the Astronomy tower. Any questions?” 

A Ravenclaw boy raised his hand “What happens if we can’t make it?” 

“I highly doubt you’ll have anything better to do on Sunday night Mr. Finchley,” the professor responded sassily. Remus, who looked like he wanted to say something, decided to let it go, and sank back on the chair. The professor waited a couple more seconds, to see if anyone else had a question, but upon no one’s answer he clapped his hands together “Excellent, you’re excused now. See you on Sunday.” 

Sirius was the first one to stand up, letting you out through his side, while Remus seemed to be a little troubled. Your boyfriend placed a hand over his shoulder “It’s ok mate, we’ll figure it out,” he told him. You looked at the exchange with curiosity but it dissipated the moment Lily appeared out of nowhere and hooked her arm around yours.

“The girls and I are going to go prepare some droughts at the potions classroom now, hair and grooming stuff, you said you wanted to brew a special something for your Halloween costume, yeah?” 

You nodded, Sirius raised an eyebrow “Special something?” 

You smiled in response “If you guess it, I’ll give you a prize,” you said confidently, he would not guess your Halloween costume, even if he tried a thousand times. 

“Anything I want?” He asked suggestively. 

You laughed in response “Sure Puppy, anything you want,” you told him before walking out with Lily, the girls were waiting just outside the door.

“That was the 6th!” You heard Sirius say from behind. 

Lily raised an eyebrow “What’s that all about,” she asked. You giggled in response “Let’s just say dear Sirius and I have a bit of an arrangement, I can call him Puppy whenever I want, but he gets some kisses in return.” 

She laughed at your answer “Why aren’t I surprised?” 

You shrugged with a smile, finally catching up with the girls “You wanted to make a glow potion, right?” Mary asked, “Like the one Marlene drank on her birthday?” 

“Yup, I think I’ve got all the ingredients ready too,” you told her, checking the little rattan bag inside your backpack where you’d been placing all the necessary stuff. 

Lily gave a small peak to the bag and frowned “I don’t think you’ve got glow-weed yet.” 

Tom, who seemed to have shown up out of nowhere started to walk by Lily’s side “Why do you need weed?” 

You laughed “Glow-weed,” Beth corrected “not weed, weed.” 

“Hmmm… that’s not as fun.” He said, scrunching his nose a little “What for?” 

“(Y/N’s) Halloween Costume,” Marlene answered casually.

“Oh, you’re gonna be a fairy or something?” He asked excitedly.

You paled at that and turned to him wide-eyed “If you tell Sirius Black about it, I’ll strangle you.” 

“Cheeky,” he replied, leaning closer to you, which made you roll your eyes and push him back. 

“Please don’t tell Sirius?” 

“Why?” 

“She promised Sirius a prize if he guessed. She specifically said anything he wanted,” Lily chimed in. 

Tom looked at Lily and then turned his gaze back to you, impressed “So really cheeky then.” 

“Toooom!” You whined. 

“My lips are sealed,” he said, passing a hand over them as if he was zipping them and then placing his hand over his chest. How dramatic, you thought, but then again, you were the one dating Sirius Black, so who were you to judge? 

“Why didn’t you just tell him about your costume?” Asked Beth. 

You sighed “He was going on and on about sexy Halloween costumes, he would not stop bothering me if I did.” You responded simply, by then you were already outside the potions classroom. Professor Slughorn was in his office, and Lily had been the one inside and asked for permission to enter. He was more than happy to let you guys in to practice potions that he even gave Lily the key to the ingredients room, giving you free rein to use whatever you might need. 

When Lily came out, shaking the key in her hand with a smile Marlene rolled her eyes “Teacher’s pet,” she teased. 

“Maybe,” she said with a shrug “but, I just got our hands on the Ingredients Supply, and Slughorn said we could take whatever we wanted.”

“Sweet!” Said Tom as he took the keys from Lily’s hands and led all the way to the ingredients room. He took out a little paper from his pocket and started looking for some stuff, all the while you tried to find some of that glow-weed.  

When you finally found it you looked at the combination of stuff he’d placed in his basket and narrowed your eyes at him in suspicion “That’s not for beauty products is it?” 

He shook his head with a little smirk “I’m working on a little something,” he said, “also for the Halloween party.” 

You raised your eyebrow, looking at the stuff he’d gathered so far “Essence of Laughing Lily, Blissberry Extract, Frolic Fizzweed Leaves, Lavender Essence, are you by any chance making–“ 

He shook his head and placed a finger over your mouth “–Shhhhh! If Lily busts us, we won’t be having any fun.”

You smiled complicity “Well then, keep working on your little magical project,” you said, and then leaned in closer to whisper “If you add Moonstone Shimmer, you can make the potion a bit more potent overall.” You raised your eyebrows and winked before walking back to the table on which you’d be working. Marlene was next to you, and she’d set herself to prepare a special hand cream since the weather was getting colder. 

Beth was working on an enchanting hair serum that she’d run out of. And Lily said she was working on a “perfect curls potion,” also for the Halloween party. 

“Would you mind borrowing me some of that on the Halloween party?” You asked her when she told you what she was working on. 

She nodded “In fact, I’m making a lot extra,” she replied with a smile “To keep a stash on our bathroom.” 

“You’re brilliant!” You told her with a smile. 

“I’m working on some radiant complexion elixir, also for our bathroom,” Mary said. “We’re giving some of our stuff to Beth and she’s gonna borrow some of her hair stuff. We’ll all be stocked up in beauty products?” 

“And you do this all the time?” You asked with a smile. 

“A couple times a year, yeah,” said Marlene from her table.

“Genious, can I help with anything?” 

“I was actually thinking of using some of your glow potion and add it to the one I’m making, for glowier hair,” Beth told you, you smiled and nodded. 

“Oh, that would look amazing!” You agreed, “A bit on the radiant complexion would probably work wonders too.” 

“Yes, it would!” Lily said with a nod. “And what are you working on Tom?” She asked, turning to the boy. 

He turned to her like a deer trapped in headlights, and then crossed his eyes over at you, pleading for help “After shave lotion, right?” You said casually “So that the shave lasts longer, you mentioned?” 

He nodded “Ye– yeah… I heard Remus complain about his freshly shaved face lasting nothing, and I thought, same mate. Decided to do something about it.” 

You kept a tight smile as you gave him a look. Tom was a shitty liar. “Right! I’m sure that recipe James got you from Fleamont will be brilliant.” Tom nodded and went back to his preparations. 

“Why would you need Frolic Fizzweed Leaves for an aftershave lotion?” Lily asked, more to herself than to the rest. 

You shrugged “Must be one of those secret Potter family tricks,” you said with a shrug, and then smiled when you concluded it would be the perfect time to tease your friend “I’m sure if you married Potter your in-laws would be more than happy to tell you all about them.” 

Lily gave you a reproachful look, but Marlene added to the conversation “It’d be great, that way they could get back the potion-making talent they lost on with James.” 

“James isn’t bad at potions!” She said with a shrug, not quite thinking before she spoke.

Your smile grew “Really? Tell us all about your boy’s talents.” 

“He’s not my boy.” 

“Pretty sure he is, at least in his point of view,” added Tom as he mixed some things in his cauldron. 

“Why don’t you guys tease (Y/N) with Sirius instead?” Lily said as she chopped some of her ingredients with a bit of a frown. 

“They’re dating already, what is there to tease them about?” Mary said with a shrug, “If you want us to stop teasing you, you should just date Potter.” 

You all laughed at that, but no one continued to tease poor Lily any further. As you went back to your table next to Marlene, you realized she was already mixing stuff in her cauldron. You figured most of your friends would be done with their potions before your next meal, so you decided to concentrate on your brew. 

Getting the extract from the glow weed, was the most complicated part since it required an intricate spell and some special distillation skills, but you managed to do it after just a couple of tries. Once that was done, the rest of the potion was actually pretty simple, all you had to do was add the ingredients at the right time and mix according to the instructions. When you finished, you had a cauldron filled with glow potion, it had a golden colour, slightly bright, almost as if there was some light source hidden in the inside of it. You took out the crystal bottles you’d gotten for today and used a ladle to slowly pour the liquid onto them, placing some of the potion in a small bottle with a dropper, and handed it over to your friends so they could add their drops on the potions they’d made.

When you were done, everyone was pleased with their own potions, especially Tom, who had somehow managed to finish his mystery potion without anyone else figuring out what he was making, he placed it on a small crystal bottle with a golden cap and a transparent liquid. You all walked back to the dorms together and divided the little vials amongst Beth and your room. She wasn’t all that close with her roommates, so she took smaller, personal-sized potions while your room got the bigger vials and flasks. Once you placed your small bottle on your trunk, next to some of the other stuff you’d already prepared for your costume, you walked downstairs to wait for the girls in the common room, you grabbed the book Nina had lent you and sat on the couch. Tom came down and plopped down beside you minutes later. 

“What are you reading?” He asked taking the book from your hands and reading the back cover “A spicy werewolf novel?” 

“It was recommended.” 

“Yeah, I bet,” he said with a bit of a cheeky smile and started flipping through the pages, stopping in on a page with a drawing of a shirtless man and eyeing it “Damn, he could rile me.” You raised an eyebrow, “Just look at him!” 

You laughed at that “Didn’t know you liked boys.” 

He shook his head “It’s not that I like them,” he said “I just don’t care if they’re boys, or girls, or anything…” 

You nodded, thinking about it for a second “I think I don’t either.” 

He gave you his signature bright smile and placed his arm over your shoulder, bringing you slightly closer to him “Welcome to the club!”

“Are there many others like us in the school?” 

“You’d be surprised, most of them hide it quite well though, you wouldn’t expect it, you know a few, but it’s not for me to tell. We Brits are pretty open-minded you see.” 

You nodded, “Definitely better than in my old school.” 

When the girls finally came downstairs you all walked out of the common room together, and you stayed with them until you had to split ways since they’d taken a different extracurricular. You walked half of the way to your classroom when you spotted Remus walking by himself, who also walked towards the classroom, so you picked up your pace and caught up with him “Nice to see you again, Rem!” You told him with a smile. 

“How did potion making go?” He asked politely. 

“Excellent, my costume is almost ready!” 

“You’re really going big with it, aren’t you?” He asked, raising one of his eyebrows.

You nodded “It’s my first Halloween at Hogwarts, you guys have set the bar pretty high according to Marlene, I’ve gotta match those high standards.” 

“She said that?” 

You nodded “She told me all about your costumes from previous years, how last Halloween you dressed up as the teachers, McGonagall was mortified when she saw Prongs with an exact replica of her green robes.” 

Remus laughed, remembering that moment “Yeah, she did.” 

“What about you? What are you dressing as this year?” 

He sighed, “Frankly, I don’t have a plan yet, last year was Pads’ idea, and we all followed through, but this year he had a pretty rough summer break and didn’t plan any group costumes, we’re all making our own.” 

“I think you should be a pirate!” You told him simply. 

“A pirate?” 

“You’ve got the sexy pirate vibe going on already, why not?” You asked with a shrug. 

“Sexy pirate vibe?” He asked in disbelief. 

You nodded “Ask anyone, they’ll confirm it.” 

“Confirm what?” James asked as he caught up with the two of you 

“That Remus looks like a sexy pirate.” 

James raised his eyebrows at your words, looking a little impressed, and then turned to his friend “Hmmm…. Yeah, I see it.” 

“See? Told you! It was literally the first impression I got from you.” 

“When I went to pick you up at Dumbledore’s office?” He asked, rather confused.

You shook your head “No! When we you bumped into me at the station. I saw you, and instantly came flashbacks of those spicy novels with shirtless men on the cover.” 

When James heard it, he laughed like a madman, you were right, Moony definitely had the type. “Yours would have you, holding onto the ship’s mast with a barely buttoned white shirt, and the title would be something like The Beast Within,” James said in between laughs. 

Remus gave James a warning look, but you were too occupied gasping at James’ boldness “Are you implying Remus is a beast in bed, Merlin! James, I did not expect you to be cheating on Lily with your best friend!” 

Now it was Remus’ turn to laugh, James’ dumb joke had turned on him “Yeah James, please explain how you’d know anything about my nightly activities… I could be a gentle lover for all you know.” 

“I don’t know about that,” you teased “You do give off the beast in bed vibe.” 

Remus gasped “I’m the chillest of the group.” 

You nodded “It’s always the quiet ones,” you said with an air of mystery. 

When you arrived at the classroom, the three of you struggled to gain back composure and to calm down after the fit of laughter you’d caused each other. Remus went to sit beside Sirius, the first thing he did, was ask him what they were all laughing about, and after being told the story he ended up agreeing with you on two of the things said, First: Remus had to dress as a pirate now, there was no other option. Second: Moony would definitely be a beast in bed. 

Saturday came and went, this time you actually got to go to Hogsmeade for the first time, even if it was more of a business run than a pleasure one, the boys were so focused on getting all the stuff for the party ready that you barely even saw Sirius while you were in town. You spend most of the day with the girls, jumping from shop to shop to get some of the last bits you needed for everyone’s costume. Mary was going to go the easy route, she decided she’d dress as a kitten, her plan was to grab some cat ears and a tail, and enchant them to move like those of a real cat would. 

Marlene was going to do a matching costume with Holden, they’d both go as Sonny and Cher from the video “I Got You Babe”. Marlene had even gotten her hands on a long black wig and a small fur coat. And Holden had actually bought a hair-lengthening potion to match the look. You were certain the two of them would look incredible in their outfits. Beth was going to dress as an astronaut since she was very passionate about space exploration and some of the newer muggle technology advancements. Tom was going to dress up as a vampire and had convinced you to help him charm his canines to look like fangs.

James tried to persuade Lily to do a couple’s costume with him, but she refused every single time he asked, in the end, she decided she’d go as Ophelia, from Hamlet. When James found out he asked Remus to give him a short summary of the story and decided he’d be dressing up as Hamlet, to match with Lily even if she wasn’t expecting it. You honestly considered warning him against it, but he seemed so hopeful and they would look absolutely adorable in the photos so you decided against it. Peter said he’d dress as Edmund Pevensie, from  "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe” a book he had read when he took the muggle literature with Remus in 4th year, he’d convinced Teddy Hawthorn to dress as Peter, Annabeth Doxon to be Susan and a girl who you hadn’t met yet to be Lucy.  

Since you didn’t tell Sirius what you were dressing as, he decided he wouldn’t tell you either, so both of your costumes would be a surprise to each other. 

Unfortunately, your visit to Hogsmeade was so hectic, like everyone else’s, that you didn’t even have time to visit any of the restaurants your friends always talked about, you did see the Three Broomsticks from afar, it seemed like a nice and cozy little pub, very English in its type. Tom mentioned they made mean Beef Pasties and even if you weren’t quite sure they were, the way he described them them made them seem utterly delicious. He promised to treat you to some next time you went to Hogsmeade. 

By Sunday, you were all spent, dedicating a good deal of the day to work on your costumes, Hagrid had gifted some pumpkins to Peter and you were carving along with him and Remus in the common room, Beth was gluing some patches to her astronaut costume and Lily worked on adding some details to her dress. James and Sirius were up in their dorm, since James had to work on his secret Hamlet costume, and Sirius on his own secret costume. 

“How does it look,” you said as you turned around your pumpkin for Peter to see it.

He winced when he saw it, but was too nice to say anything negative about it “It’s… a little wonky, it… uh… works with the Halloween theme?” 

You laughed in response and pulled out the book of practical spells Nina had lent you, being sure there had to be something useful there. 

“Want some help?” Remus asked politely, taking your pumpkin and using a small blade to straighten some of your cuts. 

You placed a hand over his shoulders and thanked him before going back to the book, still trying to find a useful spell, but there wasn’t exactly a Halloween section on the index. When you turned back to look at your pumpkin, Remus had already finished up refining it and it looked incredible.

“That’s… Remus, you’re incredible with your hands!” 

“That’s what she said,” Peter said, almost automatically. 

You gasped “Peter!” you said as a little smile drew from your lips. He looked up from his pumpkin mortified, you giggled “Didn’t know you had it in you to make dirty jokes.” 

“You do remember I literally sleep in the same room that Sirius, right? The ability just rubs into me,” he told you with a little smile. You laughed along with Remus. 

You heard some steps from behind and finally saw both Sirius and James walk down the stairs, Sirius casually leaned closer to you and placed a fast kiss on your lips before turning to Moony. You realized he had some glitter on his hair and passed your hand over it to shake it off as he spoke “Ready to go Moons? Pete?” 

Remus checked his watch, and nodded “Yeah, I should probably get going, I’ll see you guys there?”

Peter nodded, “I’ll stay here for a couple minutes more, I want to finish this pumpkin, but I’ll be there.” 

“Excellent, it’s settled then.” 

Sirius finally turned to you, since you were still fluffing his hair “You done love?” 

You shook your head “haven’t seen you much this weekend,” you said with a pout, not quite wanting to take your hands off his head. 

He smiled and tilted his head just a little “Don’t tempt me, I’ll end up staying.” 

You laughed at that, but you knew how important the marauder’s jokes were, so you shook your head “Go ahead trouble, I’ll see you at divinations, yeah?” 

He gave you a look and shrugged with a smile on his face, before giving you a wink and running out behind Peter and James, who had already walked out of the portrait. 

“You’re not planning to skip divinations, are you?” You asked Peter, who gave you an awkward smile in reply. 

“And Remus just said yes?” 

Peter seemed a little nervous at your question, but you didn’t quite understand why he would be “We…. Um— It’s very important business.” 

You frowned, a little unconvinced but nodded, deciding not to question him further, “Ok then, I’ll cover for you lot. I’ll tell Spellman you ate something at Hogsmeade yesterday and that you’re feeling dreadful or something.” 

Peter finally met your gaze “You’d do that for us?” 

“Of course I would!” You said, as if it was obvious “You’re my friends, I’d cover for you any day.” 

Peter smiled “You’re the best!” 

You and Peter cleaned the table and placed the pumpkins near the window before he left. Once he was gone you moved closer to the girls, both Beth and Lily were still working on their costumes, “Need any help?” You asked politely. 

Lily shook her head, but Beth responded “Yeah, can you pass me some of those patches please.” She said as she pointed at the table filled with patches, you carefully picked them up and handed them over. Letting yourself fall on the couch once you were done. You picked up the book Nina had lent you, the spicy novel this time, and finally started to read through it. You’d actually enchanted the cover since clearly it called everyone’s attention with the original one. Now it looked like a copy of a regular old spell book.

“Uh… I’m gonna feel bad if you keep studying while I’m working on a costume.” Lily Pouted from her place on the floor. 

You chuckled “I’m not actually studying though, It’s a spicy romance book Nina lent me, the cover was a bit extra, so I charmed it.” 

Lily gasped, with a smile drawing on her lips as she did. “You sly fox!” 

You smiled at that, laughing as you said “Oh… trust me, you’ve got no idea.” 

“And.. Is it actually spicy?” Beth asked, not looking up from her costume.

You shrugged, “Not sure, haven’t even met the main love interest so far, I’m barely starting the book. But I’ll tell you if it’s good.” You told her before going back to read. Every now and then they would ask you for small favors like holding the fabric for a second or passing something that was closer to you than it was to them. It was nice to just chill with the two redheads for a while. 

After some time Mary and Marlene came from the stairs, you pulled your head from the book and turned to the girls “Is it already time for class?” You asked, surprised.

Mary nodded “9:30, you see?”

“We should probably start walking there, in case the stairs decide to be funny today,” you said as you stood up. 

Both Lily and Beth grabbed their costumes and carefully sat them over a table, you wrote a small note and placed it over them, so that other Gryffindors wouldn’t grab them by accident, or after trying to admire them. Once it was done, you started walking towards the class, Tom caught up with you halfway there, and you all arrived at the astronomy tower with a couple of minutes left. Professor Spellman was already there, and a couple of students were pulling out their own telescopes as well, Tom included among them. The moon was already starting to. fade. According to Tom, who wouldn’t shut up about the way the BIood Moon worked “The moon will almost disappear completely before we can see it again, and when we do, it will turn red.” 

He seemed so fascinated by the event you decided not to tell him you’d read all about it on the pages of the divination book Professor Spellman had you read for today’s class. At some point a Hufflepuff boy walked closer to Tom, smiling brightly as he greeted him “How’s it going Tom?” 

Tom smiled back at him “Brilliant, I was just telling (Y/N) here about the mechanisms of the BIood Moon.” 

“Really? I’d love to hear all about it!” The boy said with a smile. 

You gave Tom a look, raising an eyebrow, he just smiled and winked in return, “Right! I’m sure Tom will know lots about it, I think Marlene’s calling me. See you boys around!” You said, giving Tom a knowing look, and letting the two boys flirt by themselves. 

You were about to walk towards Marlene, when you heard the same howls from the time when you’d gone to the greenhouses with Lily, a lot further away this time, but the same nonetheless. So instead, you turned around and walked to the window closest to the sound. When you reached, you leaned over the edge just a little, to try and see better, but there was nothing but an endless sea of trees, wherever the things making the sound were, they must have been very deep inside the dark forest. Then you felt someone push you over the balcony violently, just to pull you back again with a vicious grip on your shirt “Careful, you may fall,” you heard Evan’s stupid voice as he pretty much pulled you towards his chest, you could feel his hot breath on your neck, disgusting, you wonder how it was possible that you’d considered him attractive at some point. 

You turned around quickly, forcing him to loosen his grip on your shirt “What the hell Rosier?” You hissed. He was not alone either. Severus was on his side and another boy, who you quickly identified as Mulciber. He was taller  with a tank-like complexion, that contrasted with Rosier’s softer looks as water did with oil. You stood your ground, even if you wanted to step back “Awww… did you have to bring your bodyguards along? Too scared to face lil’ old me by yourself?” You mocked, “Don’t worry, I can take Frankestine and Slimmy on any day of the week.”

“What the fuck did you just call me?” Mulciber said, taking a step forward. 

“Offf, sorry! Guess I should have used a reference a little more keen to your level of knowledge.” 

Evan scoffed, “Do you think it’s a good idea to make fun of him?” He said as he tilted his head, pulling back a little and giving the room a once over “especially without your boyfriends here to protect you.” 

“Please, as if I needed anyone to protect me from you lot. Barty’s fan #1, Lily’s simp and Mr. Big guy” you laughed “you’re joke.” Ok, in hindsight, maybe you were pushing it a bit too hard. But you were not going to let them intimidate you.

Evan grabbed you by the collar and pushed you towards the railing again, you grabbed onto the handle, knuckles white with the force you were using, but you eyed him with a bravery you didn’t know where the hell you’d gotten from. You looked around and smiled, people were crowding up around you “You sure you wanna do that, luv? We’ve got a bit of a crowd here, too many witnesses, right? All though, I’m sure you’d fit in perfectly fine in Azkaban.”  He seemed tempted to drop you, but eventually, he let go and pulled back. You smiled and straightened your uniform “Yeah, I thought so.” 

“This is not over,” he threatened. 

“Bring more henchmen next time,” you mocked with a smile. When he was gone, you turned around to the forest again, taking deep breaths to calm yourself down, and looking at the possible fall you could’ve gotten. It would most certainly be mortal. 

Lily pushed through the crowd to reach you, looking at you filled with worry once she caught up “What the hell were you thinking (Y/N)? All that bravado was gonna be worth for nothing had he actually pushed you.” 

“He wasn’t going to push me.” 

“He’s insane, he could have,” she argued.

“Not in front of so many people.”  You insisted, “Not without stupid Barty Crouch around, he’s the only reason Evan’s got anything against me.”

“That was the only reason,” Lily corrected “You insulted them out in the open for the entire class to hear.” 

“They came pushing me into the railing first. I was not going to cry for help.” 

“Ughhh….” She said exasperated, and then pulled you into a bone-crushing hug, “Just promise me you won’t go facing those assholes by yourself. Please don’t be as stupid as the boys.” 

You sighed and returned the hug “I will not  go chasing after them Lily, I promise.” You said, and you really did not intend to do it. 

Series Masterlist | Next Chapter

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Raead more Marauders Fiction

[sliceoflifeshepard]

Actually, I'd like one last post to talk about my history with writing for a minute.

I started writing properly around the age of ten, I used to write a lot of Pokemon and Kingdom Hearts fanfiction.

In school I was punished for having too much creativity, my breaks taken away from me for constantly writing my own stories. My mum never told me to stop.

I told my Mum I wouldn't live to see 21 when I was 10, because of my severe anxiety I was convinced I was gonna die via a heart attack

I was 13 when I got a short story published in a children's competition that is now unfortunately closed and has been for years. I still have that book with my short story in

In 2014 my dad died from cancer, luckily I finished college so didn't have to worry about that. I fell into a deep depression and didn't really eat but slept constantly for 2 weeks. Then in 2015, my mum suggested I start taking writing seriously full time. Thus, the original plans for Terraclaw were born!

At age 21, 2018, I was in hospital due to anxiety/psychosis. I've fully recovered since then and I'm stronger than ever. In 2018 I did have to relearn how to write, so 2019-early Pandemic was spent teaching myself how to write and get back into my old life again.

Now look at me xD I cannot wait to see what my future holds. I haven't had a major panic attack in 3 years, I'm more positive about myself and my future.

I don't know what my future holds, but I want to be a published writer. To hold my novel in my hands. I've been working so hard.

I don't know where I'd be without you guys, so thank you all

@radiozilla @coolfroggyfriend @thebejeweledwatercat @lordkingsmith @violetcancerian @dyrewrites @kalu-chan @insidedamienshead

[failurefemmegf]

why aren't you a transmasc anymore?

short answer: i realized my dysphoria was a combined reaction to being a lesbian who was scared of other women along with depersonalisation due to misogyny

long answer: i started identifying with the transgender community when i was around 12 or 13 years old, around the time i was in middle school. in elementary school i was friendly with boys and girls but as i grew older and the social cues for being a "girl" became too complicated, the other girls regarded me as weird and i was always lumped in with the boys.

i had childhood friends who were girls but a combination of mental health issues and abusive platonic relationships made it difficult to hold onto them. by the time i entered my sophmore year of high school, i no longer had any friends in my grade, and i resorted to helping for a very male-dominated gaming club as a last resort, which i stayed with until graduation. the gaming club was extremely libertarian conservative (i once got into an argument over whether "water is a human right") (it is, obviously). i was full on "not like other girls"ing my way through high school. my primarily male friendships continued into college, where i joined a game design degree program with a total of maybe 4 women including me in my entire class.

in the fall semester of my only year of college, i was constantly sexually harassed by a male "friend" and then manipulated against the rest of my friend group by a different male "friend" who ditched me after winter break when he realized i wasn't going to fuck him. in my spring semester i was completely alone (i had no roommates) and actively suicidal. it was at this time i threw myself into trans identity politics. i'd always been uncomfortable with my breasts because i developed earlier, and i bought my first binder, began tucking my hair into hats and attempting to pass as male on the rare occasions i would leave my dorm room.

i had waist-long hair from middle school until this point, where that summer i chopped it off, broke up with my long-term online girlfriend, and called myself a gay trans man. really though, the only men i was attracted to were fictional (comphet). i transferred to a community college and was still actively suicidal along with doing nothing about it. i blamed it all on my dysphoria.

covid hit that spring, and given some time to myself, i realized i was a lesbian. i jumped head first into being part of the lesbian community on twitter at the time, and it felt so right, like i'd finally figured out a last puzzle piece. my mental health still wasn't great due to other reasons but i didn't feel at odds with myself anymore.

after i lost my summer job and swapped to retail, my suicidal ideation and depression came back in full force. i got a new job at a grocery store and ran into a former childhood friend who happened to be a guy, and my complicated feelings towards him i mistook for love. boom, i was iding as a trans gay guy again, i continued to throw my mental health down the trash can because "IF I TRANSITION EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE", developed an eating disorder, and ended up in an intensive outpatient program for lgbt+ young adults.

i turned a corner when i learned to stop caring what others thought of me. to be secure in myself and not rely on other people to validate my feelings, my appearance, my identity. i had my ups and downs but by the time january hit, something felt different. i no longer felt "socially" dysphoric, i stopped caring about people calling me "she" or "a girl", but my trans identity had become such a huge part of my life that i was extremely torn. i began looking up detransition resources, desisted to "nonbinary/genderfluid" until i stumbled across some radfem blogs.

i'd always been told to avoid radfems because they "hated trans people" and "WANT you to detransition". but they were the only people to take my thoughts of desisting seriously. i reached out anonymously over the course of several months to several different blogs and i was blown away by the grace and kindness i received. i really want to thank blogs like @woman-for-women and @detransition for their wonderful posts about female depersonalization and dysphoria, they really helped nudge me in the right direction for me.

from where i stand now, i'm a gender abolitionist, but i'm not completely against the idea of transition. because of my past i have a lot of sympathy for dysphoric people, and i know there are probably trans mascs and men out there who do feel a genuine disconnect. however, i don't think we should push transition as the only option to treat dysphoria, and we need more studies about the effects of female socialization on female depersonalization. i'm not a scientist or a psychiatrist though, i'm just a girl on the internet who wants to help people.

[kerler5834]

Hey, so like I've never written an actual book before, just small bits and pieces. But now I'll try to write one. I don't have a name for it and I'm really sorry if I have spelling mistakes. English isn't my first language. And if something is offensive or isn't to your liking please inform me. If you have a suggestion for the title, could you comment or whatever it is here in Tumblr. I don't know what tags to put for people who would enjoy this but I hope this goes to the right category. Thank you and here it is :

Ch 1- So so Alone

I was running through the forest, nowhere to go. Barefoot, blood on my hands, still not recovered from that hit to the head, and alone. I'm so alone, the silence is swallowing me whole as I limp through the darkness, occasionally falling down.

I had to feel my way by having my bloody hands in front of me, so that I don't hit a tree. The moon was hidden by the powerful thick branches of the oak trees surrounding me. Oh I'm so alone, the only thing to keep me company, and sane, is my very voice. I'm trying to reassure myself that I'll get to the other side of the forest soon. But the more I walk, the more hope is lost along my blood covered path.

As I licked the salty tears streaming from my eyes, I remembered what Ellie told me. No, I can't give up hope now, I have to get to the other side of this dammed forest. A hint of hope appeared in this awful nightmare, and I am not going to let it go.

Ch 2 - Emile's House

The nice warm air is wandering around me as I stride along the boring, cement sidewalk. What a boring sidewalk, I thought to myself. I decided I'd rather walk on dirt rather then the ugly sidewalk, and so I slightly changed the direction of my travel and was now on the nice, still fresh from the slight morning rain, earth.

I caught sight of Emile's house and checked how I looked in the palm sized mirror I keep in my pocket. Light brown, waist length hair aligned my face shape well enough so I could say I looked acceptable. I glared into my own oak eyes, as if trying to see something other then my own face, I couldn't, and so I proceeded to the yellow house.

I curved my palms into fists, inhaled, exhaled. And with a movement I've been practicing my whole life, heard two knocks. Footsteps were approaching and soon the door burst open.

"Welcome Ellie! Emile and the others are upstairs, they were waiting for you." Exclaimed Emile's Mother,

"Thanks, I will go there then." I don't like making a huge fuss while greeting someone I was not even going to spend time with so I like to make it brief.

I hurried up the wooden stairs to the familiar corridor with doors on both sides and an ancient lamp on the far end. I already know that the door I need is the second on the left with a sticker of Emile's favourite music artist. I headed for the door and pushed it open.

"Oh hi Ellie!" Exclaimed Emile while sitting in a circle with everyone else on the carpet

"Come join us." He pointed at the free spot near Jenny. I squeezed in without saying a word and once I was done making my spot nice, I looked around examining my friends.

On my left was Jenny grinning at me ( a full girl, really talkative with shoulder length black hair), and there sat Rina smiling at me from my left (a fit 13 year old with warm brown waist length hair that occasionally had braids hanging with the rest of the hair). Emile (terrible eye sighted guy with dark brown, ruffled hair that seemed to never sit in one spot) sat next to Rina and since Nicholas ( tall, blonde sometimes had ponytail, observant ) couldn't come because his throat was killing him and he had a fever his usual spot was empty. It broke my heart for a second, how quickly once a place occupied by someone, looked so dull without the usual member.

"So we were just waiting for you to come, late as always, with us outside we have an important thing to discuss." Said Rina

"Sure let's go then."

I'm working on chapter 3 so I'll post it next time if I see that people like how I write. Thank you

[kitsu-katsu]

About revived (by Derivakat)

(Disclaimer: Nothing against Derivakat, I think her songs are amazing in general and she's very talented, I simply have a bone to pick with these lyrics and characterization)

So um, here's my counter to some of the lyrics because fuck it, I'm tired and fueled by spite, let's go:

Let's start with the chorus:

"White streak in my hair but no stress now" - Funnily incorrect, cc!Wilbur confirmed that the white hair is from stress itself, it's not about the revival process alone. Also just by reasoning, I cannot imagine what might have been stressful about spiralling and believing that the world is out to crush you, believing that you're the scum of the Earth as well, only to die, spend 13 and half years in dark isolation and then being jolted back up to life missing huge chunks of information, really cannot fathom how that might be stressful /s

"I've seen hell, but this is a bit more my style" - True you know? It's awesome that he's said that he's over the moon about being alive again after spending 13 and a half years of pure isolation in the dark, screming until his throat was hoarse. But coming from the tone of it, I'd like to point out that Wilbur's also still passively suicidal and self harms (check out the part under "He doesn't love TNT, he self-harms with it" in this post)

"A decade of time to make everything mine" (also counts for "This is my sunrise, this is my dawn, this is what I've waited for all along. All of this time, all this is mine. MINE. MINE. MINE!")- Honestly, based on what he's been doing, no prejudices, forget everything fandom's said: he doesn't really seem to want to "make everything his", does he? This perception mostly comes from him saying "This is my sunrise, this is mine!" in the original revival stream, however, if you forget about common fandom perception, what's so evilly framed about a guy who spent 13 and a half years of isolation in the dark saying "this is my sunrise!" after watching the sun coming up again for the first time since his death, in which he was extremely emotionally unstable? Like for real?

Now onto the verses:

"Am I the bad guy? I'll be the bad guy again" and "I've come back hell-bent" - Now, he has said that: “Here’s the thing, Tommy. I, I, I, I know I was bad, and I know I can redeem myself, but like, you know, there’s a little bit of fun in being bad, you know, we’ve spoken about this.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 11:31, 5th May), BUT, since then he's also expressed genuine remorse for his worse actions during Pogtopia (check out the parts under "He really regrets what happened in Pogtopia" and "Wilbur cares. A LOT" in this post), a wanting to redeem himself and truly become better and... uh... OH! He's also admitted that he's afraid he scares people and cried when Ranboo said that he was "an alright person". For real, just watch the Healthy Competition stream and read this reddit post by cc!Wilbur

The reddit post in question, just in case:

"You think I cared? It was always a means to an end" - So false. Just... so false. Ok, so quick one, let's review the actual lines said originally about him "not caring for L'manburg" in full:

“Uh, one thing, I didn’t actually really care about L'Manberg, I just cared about, you know, sticking it to the man. Actually, I cared about L'Manberg for the sole reason that I could use it to stick it to the man.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 24:18, 5th May)

“Look, I- Okay, I said it wrong. Look, I did care about- I did care about L'Manberg, but I cared about it for- You would call it the wrong reasons, but I, I- Just don’t think about it, don’t think about it too hard. Look, L'Manberg’s gone now, we’ve got that, you know- That, that wart on my side is gone, you know. I salute it, I salute it, you know, it was a great- It was a great place.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 25:18, 5th May)

“Look, Tommy, I’m gonna reiterate for you once more because I don’t think you quite understood, and that’s okay, you know, you don’t need to understand everything. I did care about L'Manberg. I did, I did. A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet, Tommy. L'Manberg would have been as loved by me had it been called Bimbum and was built in the middle of the desert.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 26:05, 5th May)

“The actual location, and the actual things it was, it were, were not important to me. It’s the thing it stood for. Which was freedom, liberty, and sticking it to the man, Tommy!” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 26:26, 5th May)

“We were a family, Tommy. We were…” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 27:26, 5th May)

So as you may see, he retracts himself immediately and explains his feelings with more nuance

Then, let's look at the more recent confession to Ranboo:

“I told Tommy that I didn’t actually care about L'Manberg, and that it was just like a tool for me to use to gain like, you know, power and stuff. But it’s not, it’s not true.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 26:36, 3rd Aug)

“L'Manberg is- was really important to me. And it is still to this day.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 26:47, 3rd Aug)

“I want it to, em, I want its history to live on not as a stain caused by me, you know. I basically just took a big shit on the history books, it feels like. I wanna, I wanna make it, I wanna make it feel like it was, you know, it was something that happened. You know, it was a great thing, you know, think of the good times. The- The years of safety. Well, not years, but you know.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 26:47, 3rd Aug)

If this got more explicit I'd be literally hitting you over the head with it. Anyway, check out the parts under "Wilbur cared. A LOT" and "He really cared and cares about L'Manburg, and didn't want its ideals twisted to hur others with" in this post

"So who cares? So what? I'm not calming down" and "Shut up! And listen" - “Tommy, shut up! I mean, Tommy, come over here. Tommy, come over here, come over here, man. It’s cool, it’s cool, it’s cool. Sorry, I, I-” (Alivebur)

– (Wilbur’s A Deck of Cards with a Green Smile on them: 26:08, 31st May)

That line's totality gets often cut down, erasing the immediate apology after the loss of cool. Furthermore, I'd argue that him "not calming down" in general is mainly due to his euphoria and overexcitement during certain scenes where it makes complete sense for him to be feeling like that, and in a broader sense, he has a tendency to say things in the heat of the moment and out of impulsivity that he turns to later regret from all the way back at Pogtopia. Him not calming down now is either out of impulsivity or outright euphoria to be out of limbo, not necessarily an evil thing. And when he percieves he should calm down, he tries his best to do it, or apologizes for snapping

“I’m sorry I wasn’t, you know, entirely on the same page. But, man, I promise you, I’ve calmed down, you know, I’m all, I’m all settled in. I understand, you know, what’s changed, what hasn’t, who’s new, who’s old, you know, who’s still about, you know, who… Who, uh… uh… Who trusts me and stuff.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 15:04, 3rd Aug)

“I relived that explosion in my head so many times man. And, and, and I- I get that you don’t, you don’t trust me, I do, but like, man, look at me, bro, I’m not gonna do it again. I’m not gonna- I’m not gonna hurt you again.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 21:21, 3rd Aug)

(Check out the parts under "Wilbur cares. A LOT", "Paranoia and distrustfulness are integral parts of his character", "Self-loathing and self-sabotage are also integral parts of his character", "He hesitated regarding the button tons of times" and "He feels inhuman. He knows that people see him as a freak, evil or crazy and that makes him feel dehumanized" in this post)

"There's nothing wrong with me" - BUDDY. Wilbur drowns in self-hatred, what are you talking about? The man got caught off guard and cried when someone said "you're an alright person"... He's worried that he scares people, he knows how others see him on top of his own self-hatred

“TommyInnit, as you know, is just, he thinks I’m insane. I’m not insane, chat, I’m not insane.” - (Wilbur’s The Festival: 4:30, 16th Oct)

“See, I’m not so crazy, Tommy. I know what I’m doing.” - (Wilbur’s The Festival: 16:40, 16th Oct)

“I’ve told you, I’m not crazy, Tommy. I know what I’m doing, and this is genuinely the best thing we could do right now.” - (Wilbur’s The Festival: 17:18, 16th Oct)

“I’m not crazy! How am I crazy?!” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 43:18, 17th Oct)

“Everyone I seem to meet has this deep intrisnic feeling of disgust towards me. Jack Manifold seemed to be quite nice to me, but I reckon he, I could feel it, you know, in his stare. But like, you don’t have that. I can tell you’re a good guy.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 30:24, 5th May)

“Quackity, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve, I’ll be honest you with you, I’ve lost everything, man. I, um. I’ve lost decades of my life. I’ve lost my- most of the people who cared about me. Some people don’t even know I’m back yet, and I, and I think that’s probably for the best. So I feel like that does humble a man. That really humbles a man, you know?” – (Wilbur’s A Deck of Cards with a Green Smile on them: 1:00:52, 31st May)

“Listen, Phil, I met, I met Quackity. After you very kindly lent me your house. I went and met him. Yeah! I met up with him, and I hadn’t seen him in ages. It was, I’m gonna say it, it was nice. It was a nice time. I- I- It felt good, it felt, uh, you know, he didn’t, he didn’t seem afraid of me, which is cool.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 7:38, 25th July)

“Not many people do. I mean, Phil, you don’t seem afraid of me, you’re not afraid of me, are you, Phil?” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 8:03, 25th July)

“Good, good. 'Cause I’m not afraid of you.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 8:10, 25th July)

“Why? Why? … No, no, no, no, no, not the, not the bit about the, not the bit about the right foot, the why don’t you think I’m a bad person?” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 35:13, 25th July)

“Can I be real with you, man? I think I scare people.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 36:30, 25th July)

“I mean, like I, I, I, I don’t think I, I- I think a lot of people share your idea, but they share your idea in trying to- trying to keep me from hurting them, you know? Like they’ve seen what I can do, and they don’t want me to do it again, so they adopt your emotion in order to do it.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 36:46, 25th July)

“Dream is- He’s had his comeuppance, and I have not! My comeuppance was apparently not good enough for this people. They’re just waiting, they’re waiting for the next thing for me to slip up on, and, Ranboo, I’m not gonna fucking slip up, Ranboo. I’m different.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 38:07, 25th July)

“I’m living in eternal limbo, again. I’ve been through limbo, I’m out of limbo, and socially, I’m still in this limbo.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 38:36, 25th July)

(Check out the parts under "He feels inhuman. He knows that people see him as a freak, evil or crazy and that makes him feel dehumanized", "Paranoia and distrustfulness are integral parts of his character" and "Self-loathing and self-sabotage are also integral parts of his character" in this post)

"Oh yes, I blew up the nation!" (said with glee) - I make a point of the tone in this specific line, because I could make a point of the tone in the whole song, but this line is a good example. He didn't blow up L'manburg just with glee like "hell yeah! I did it!". Of course he talks about it with pride sometimes, but it's usually either said in the middle of the same impulsive moments in which he'd claim he doesn't care, said with relief of him having control over at least that situation (like him sighing right after doing it just to ask Phil to finish it off by killing him), or said with the same deflection with which he'd claim that not having a grave didn't affect him and was badass actually since he only wanted it for the hateful obituaries anyway (which was a lie, and he admitted it on the third of august stream when saying "I was so pressed about not having a grave" in case you had doubts)

Finally, I want to make emphasis on the fact that: The explosion on the 16th had two main drives behind it and they often get glossed over. The first objectivee was blowing it up and causing just enough destruction to get L'manburg back (You know, when Wilbur still had some kind of hope). After his spiral went further and his paranoia and self-loathing worsened, his two drives become apparent: First was blowing it up to rid the world of the twisted thing L'manburg became, ridding the world of what the twisted version of his ideals became with Schlatt in control of them. Secondly, he wanted to end L'manburg as a part of himself and rid the world of himself completely (by this I'm referencing his suicide), he decided he wanted to die and expected that as a result since a lot of time before the 16th. The explosion was effectively a bigger projection of his suicide, rid the world of both himself and his creation, mixed with his constant desire to protect, it also becomes "rid the world of the corrupted version of L'manburg that became Manburg", because for all intents and purposes, since the important thing about L'manburg was its founding ideals, L'manburg had been dead for a long time at that point.

“Yesterday I had the perfect opportunity to blow everything up and finally end it, you know. I had the perfect opportunity to finally blow up everything and end it and just completely save everyone, right, from the tyranny of Schlatt and the tyranny of the existence of Manberg and L’Manberg, right.” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 25:17, 17th Oct)

“Explain it to me! Give me a reason! Give me a reason!” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 26:50, 17th Oct)

“Who else is it gonna hurt?! It’s gonna hurt Schlatt, Manberg, and-” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 26:55, 17th Oct)

“Why did I bring- I should have just done it. I’m such a fucking showman. I should have just done it.” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 27:18, 17th Oct)

“No you two can escape, I’ll be the… I’ll- I’ll- I’ll be… I’ll be trapped in here…” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 27:27, 17th Oct)

“I just- I just want to f… I just wanna end it, I wanna end it. I wanna press that button, man.” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 28:08, 17th Oct)

(Check out the parts under "Wilbur cares. A LOT", "Paranoia and distrustfulness are integral parts of his character", "Self-loathing and self-sabotage are also integral parts of his character", "He hesitated regarding the button tons of times", "He really cared and cares about L'Manburg, and didn't want its ideals twisted to hur others with", and "He really regrets what happened in Pogtopia" in this post)

[missymurphy1985]

The Return

It's been 2 years since you were last in Dublin. 2 years since you up and left without warning, saying goodbye to your life there and restarting somewhere completely new. Sometimes, you have to go backwards in order to move forwards.

Requested by @noctvrnalmoth I hope you like it!

*Featuring Jim from the Delinquent Season*

Stepping off the train into the platform, you sighed. It all looked the same, and yet so different. Pulling the buggy open, you gently strapped your sleeping son in and made your way to the taxi rank, your suitcase trailing behind you. A kind lady helped you with your bags and waited with you for an available taxi.

"You look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders there, are you okay?" She sat next to you on the bench as your son murmured adorably in his sleep. "Sorry, I don't mean to pry..."

"No don't be sorry.. just been a long time since I came back here is all. Few loose ends to tie up." You glanced at your son's sleepy features as his eyes started to open. Beautiful, ocean blue eyes alongside his dark hair, growing more every day... The memories of that night flooding back before you took a large gulp of water from the bottle in your bag, forcing them back down. You'd done so well... 2 years and you'd built a new life in London. New friends, amazing new job allowing you to put that degree in marketing to good use - you were finally making a complete fresh start. But the secrets you had buried deep inside kept coming to the surface the more your son grew. He deserved to know his roots, who his father was, you knew that, but you couldn't do it.

Choking a tear back, you thanked the kind lady for helping you as a taxi pulled up and she helped you to get in.

Pulling up outside your cousin Natalie's townhouse in the city centre, she was waiting for you at the gate to help with Jackson and your bags. Grinning from ear to ear she pulled you in for a huge hug once you'd got inside and settled on her couch as Jackson sat in this new lady's lap tugging at her earrings.

"I can't believe I'm only just meeting him y/n.. he's the image of you!!" She kissed his cheek, bringing him up to look at him properly for the first time not over Skype.

"I never see it, I just see.... I just see him I guess..." You mind wandered to the man you actually saw, but you didn't let it slip.

"Those EYES!!! So blue and vibrant, just beautiful!" Natalie was swooning now, she'd never seen eyes that blue on a baby. Your eyes were brown, so he clearly inherited them from his father, although you had never revealed his identity - just a drunken one night stand and he wasn't involved. You weren't lying, technically...

After catching up properly, Natalie told you she'd planned a few people coming over to welcome you back that evening - nothing major, just a few friends from years ago that were keen to see you after so long away.

"Oh.. yes, that would be nice... Um, who's coming?"

"Well I think David and Amanda, possibly Caroline.. I think Liam is asking Jim too but I'm not sure if he's up for it - he's been through a tough time lately.." you caught a gasp in your throat at the sound of his name. Last you heard, through Natalie, he and Danielle were going through a rough patch. Cheating accusations on both sides, they'd agreed to a trial separation. "Apparently she isn't as broken hearted as once thought - already shacked up with someone new, fancy house on the coast, new Jag on the driveway, she's doing quite well for herself!" Your chin began to wobble, not unnoticed by Natalie, who placed Jackson in his bouncer on the floor and moved to place a hand on your shoulder.

"I'm fine Nat, honestly I'm good. It was a long time ago, things have changed. I'm not that silly little girl with a crush anymore..." Natalie looked into your eyes. Nothing ever got past her.

"Y/n.. when I said I'd never seen eyes that blue, I meant on a baby. Only one person I know has eyes like that, and I think you know too. Tell me the truth, please?" You were frozen, until tears escaped and you couldn't stop them. Jackson looked to see his mum crying and began crying too. Scooping him up, you held him close.

"It happened once... Just once Nat... And he doesn't know and he doesn't need to know, let's just leave it there, yeah?"

"What?? This is Jim's son? I was almost kidding y/n... How could you keep this from him for 2 years??" She was stood up now in complete shock. Jim wasn't just her friend, he was her husband's brother - this made things even more intense. The atmosphere could be cut with a knife.

"Please Nat... This wasn't easy okay? I was 21, I slept with a married man, and I got pregnant... Then mum died.. I had to go back to London to sort out the funeral and the will... I didn't want to be seen as the homewrecker that got herself knocked up..."

"And what about Jackson? Doesn't he deserve to know his father?"

"Of course... And he would.. when I was ready Nat. And I'm not ready..."

"Not ready for what?" Liam, Natalie's husband was stood in the doorway, as you heard the front door close. Now standing next to him was the man you were desperately trying to avoid... Jim stood behind him, eyes wide at the sight of you with a baby in your arms.

"Baby, we need to go pick up that delivery from the post office, remember the one we missed last week?" Natalie pulled a confused Liam out of the room, leaving his brother and you alone.

"Y/n... Hey.. um.. how are you?" You tried to smile in response but your heart was pounding in your chest, you could barely breathe.

"I.. yeah.. um, yeah I'm okay.." you glanced down at his hand.. the wedding ring was gone. "I'm sorry to hear about you and Olivia..."

"Probably for the best eh... We weren't exactly getting along, just stayed together for the kids I think. They're older now though, they're fine. Y/n.. where did you go? Why did you go?"

"My mum was ill... She'd had a stroke and they couldn't save her, I had to go... I just stayed.. and things happened.."

"You had a baby..." He looked at the little boy in your arms, feeling extremely nervous now. "He must be just over a year old, right?" You nodded.

"13 months.."

"And we... We had sex y/n.. the day before you left..." His own breath was faltering now as the dates in his mind started to catch up. Again, you nodded, tears rolling down your cheeks. The realisation of what was happening dawned on Jim. He started to back away, before shaking his head and storming out of the house, the door slamming behind him making you and your son jump.

Your sobs came out in full force now, Liam and Natalie coming back into the room. Liam took Jackson into the kitchen to find him something to eat as Natalie held you.

"It's okay y/n... Give him time yeah? Poor guys just had the shock of his life, he'll come round." Your heart was sinking.. you hadn't meant for any of this to happen, but here it was. The memory of that afternoon had never left you, you hadn't even been able to move on - your son, for starters, looked just like him, how could you find love with anyone with the constant reminder of the man you'd never have around you 24/7.

Flashback

"I'm so sorry Jim, I didn't know who else to call..." You climbed into his car, cheeks burning as he picked you up from outside the pharmacy. You'd been walking along the road when a pothole in the pavement took you by surprise and you'd tripped, your ankle turning funny - the pain was horrific, but no one seemed to be answering your phone calls when you rang around for someone to come pick you up. Reluctantly, you'd dialled Jim's number, your cousin's brother in law. He'd given you his number the previous week, after offering to help you move into your new apartment later that month.

"No problem, I was just dropping the kids at school so I was only round the corner." He helped you into the car and drove you back to his house. "I figured your place is in boxes, no chance of a first aid kit either, I'm guessing?"

"No," You laughed. "Thank you so much.." you grimaced as you turned your foot round, trying to ease the pain.

"Definitely not broken, just need to rest it. I'll put the kettle on." Jim led you into the kitchen and sat you down at the kitchen table, and grabbed an ice pack from the fridge. Lifting your leg onto the chair opposite, he placed the ice pack onto your ankle. "Feeling okay?" He asked, flicking the kettle on and preparing two mugs of coffee.

"Much better.. thank you." Definitely better.. the physical contact from him was driving you insane, you had to swallow the blushes in your cheeks, praying he hadn't noticed.

"I've only got instant coffee... Hope that's okay - Danielle won't let me buy a coffee machine." He rolled his eyes. His wife was one of the tightest women he'd ever met.

"It's fine, thank you.. and I honestly can't thank you enough for coming to get me.. I can't believe how clumsy I am!"

"Hey those pavements are a nightmare - I'm surprised no one's broken a leg yet! Don't you be moving now, I'll take you back home once that swelling has gone down."

"How did you know how to fix it all?"

"I have a son, y/n, who at one stage a few years ago thought he was an actual superhero and would fling himself off anything to check if he could fly.. you learn the difference between a broken ankle and a twisted one pretty quick!" He laughed, remembering the time his son climbed the tallest tree in the park, giving him a heart attack before throwing himself from the top - luckily Jim caught him before he hit the floor.

"I think it's better now, Jim, I can try and walk." You said, after chatting for a while in the large kitchen.

"Let me help you.." he held your hands and guided you upright, your chests now pressed together as you placed your foot gingerly on the floor, testing it's strength. Stumbling slightly, Jim caught you, your bodies now even closer together. You could feel his heart racing, could he feel yours? His hands wrapping around yours, holding you up, an arm snaking round your waist. You looked up and found him looking right back at you, your face inches from his. Before you had time to think, you kissed him, before quickly pulling back.

"Shit I'm sorry... Oh god.. no... I'm sorry..." He took your hand in his and pulled you back to him, pressing his lips back to yours. This time you didn't pull back, your mouth opening allowing his tongue to dance against yours. Lifting you up, he sat you on top of the counter, his hands roaming your body hungrily.

"I can't... I shouldn't..." He murmured against your neck, the vibrations driving you wild with need. "You're so fucking beautiful y/n..." He ground your hips against yours, you could feel his erection through his jeans as you reached down to cup it through them, kneading it slightly. He growled, pulling your hand up to his chest, his heart hammering underneath his shirt. "You feel that? Feel how fast that's going?" Silently you took his hand and placed against your chest.

"Feel mine...." You pushed his hand down lower.. over your breast... Down your stomach and under the waistband of your skirt. His fingers found your folds, and he gasped your name. "I'm wet... I'm so fucking wet..." Lifting your skirt up, he pulled your underwear down. You relieved him of his jeans and they fell to the floor, revealing no underwear, just his huge, hard cock already leaking.

"I see you are too..." You ran a finger along the slit, taking some of the precum and lifting it to your mouth. "You taste good..."

"You want this...?" He asked, lining himself up against you. You nodded, and he pushed in easily, you gasped his name and threw your head back as he filled you completely. Pulling on your hips, he rocked you against him as he moved his own hips back and forth, fucking you against the countertop. You legs wrapped round his waist as his thrusts came harder, deeper, faster.

"Fuck... Right there... Jim... Oh god...." He bit down on your exposed neck, hands pushing against your still covered breasts, he moaned.

"Feels so good y/n... You feel so good... That's it baby, I need to feel you... Cum for me..." You leaned back, and eyes locked with his you drew a hand down to circle your clit as he moved inside you.

"Gonna make myself cum on you... Gonna cum hard for you... Faster Jim..." He pounded into you now, your moans echoing through the kitchen as you came over him, his release following seconds later. Both of you leaned your heads together as your worlds came back into focus.

Present Day

"Hey."

"Hey.." you'd agreed to meet Jim for a coffee a few days later. He'd called you the evening before, slightly tipsy which made you chuckle. Liam and Natalie were watching Jackson while the two of you caught up.

"How's the hangover?" You smiled, he grimaced.

"Well I've definitely felt fresher.. it was a bit of a shock y/n..."

"Listen.. for what it's worth.. I'm sorry. I didn't know I was pregnant until I was nearly 20weeks. With the stress of losing mum and the funeral, I hadn't had a period for a while but I thought it was just the stress.. then my friend convinced me to take a test and the doctors confirming it.. it was too late to do anything about it.. then I heard you and Danielle were trying for another baby and I just couldn't do it Jim.. I couldn't destroy your life like that.." your hands were shaking. He leaned over and took your hands in his.

"I understand y/n.. I do. I spent most of this week thinking about it. I don't blame you for what you did.. but I do wish you'd told me."

"I'd done enough damage Jim, sleeping with a married man? On his kitchen counter where he makes his kids breakfast? Where his wife makes her coffee in the morning? I couldn't face you.. I couldn't face what I'd done.."

"You know where my wife was, that morning?" He leaned back, smiling a little. "At her office, bent over the desk while her boss fucked her from behind. She called my number by accident while it happened. I didn't answer, obviously, I was busy.. but my voicemail picked up the whole thing. I'd had my suspicions for a long time, but that confirmed it. We were never trying for another baby - that's just what she told people to distract them from the fact we were clearly falling apart at the seams. Couldn't exactly be mad at her after what I'd done with you though."

"Did you tell her?"

"Yes, but she didn't know it was you. Then you up and left.. I thought there was no need to tell her who it was. I guess now we kinda have to, right?"

"Jim, I don't expect anything from you, okay? I have an inheritance from my mum, I'm fine for money, there's no need to be involved if it'll cause you problems.."

"No. You've kept him from me for nearly 2 years y/n, don't do this again, please? I'm not asking you to move in, I'm not asking for a relationship, I just want to get to know our boy.. that's all.. please?" You saw it in his eyes. It was there, for all to see. Was it love?

"I'll call Nat.. ask her to bring him over, maybe we could go for a walk?" Jim smiled, nodding. You made the call, and an hour later you were walking to the local park, Jim pushing the stroller. He took Jackson out of the buggy and placed him inside a baby swing, pushing him gently while pulling silly faces making him giggle. Your heart swelled watching them.

"He's incredible.. those eyes.."

"Your eyes, Jim." He looked up at you and smiled listening to his son's giggle, before he started becoming grouchy again.

"He's teething... Come on little man, let's get you back shall we?" Jim lifted him from the swing and placed his little finger in Jackson's mouth. He responded by sucking his gums along it, finding relief. You smiled, watching Him soothe your son's whimpers of pain as his teeth came through.

Making your way inside Natalie's house, you were surprised to find it empty. A note on the kitchen counter read that they'd gone out for the afternoon, they wouldn't be home until the evening. You warmed a bottle of milk for Jackson as Jim gave him some Calpol. Taking the bottle from you, he fed his son, as you watched, heart pounding as you watched the man you were still in love with take such good care of your baby. Within 15 minutes, Jackson was fed and had been rocked to sleep in his father's arms, you took him and placed him upstairs in his cot to nap. You knew he'd be out for at least an hour after all that fresh air. Walking back into the lounge, you found Jim sat on the sofa waiting for you.

"Come here, y/n..." You sat next to him as he turned to face you, hand gently caressing your cheek. "What are we going to do now?"

"I'm heading back to London tomorrow Jim..." His eyes glistened slightly. He'd just found his son, and now he was going again. He'd just got you back in his life, and now you were disappearing again...

"What can I do to make you stay?" His question took you by surprise. Stay?

"Jim, I..."

"I haven't stopped thinking about you.. about what happened 2 years ago. How long I'd wanted you, how long I'd dreamt of you, how I still dream of you even now.. and we share a son y/n.. I can't let you go again, it'd break me.."

"I'm half your age Jim! I'm barely older than your eldest child, how can this possibly work?" He answered with a kiss. Leaning forward to take your mouth against his, without thinking you returned it, linking your fingers with his as he pulled you into his lap.

"It'll work because we'll make it work.. nothing else matters.. all of that other stuff is irrelevant.." he felt you grind your hips against his and his erection was burning against his jeans. He needed you, now.

"And Danielle?"

"Is fucking a man old enough to be her own father - opinion invalid. I don't care about her, I care about you.. please.." he was aware of how desperate he sounded but he didn't care. He had his hand under your t-shirt against your breast, no bra in the way this time. Lifting you up, he carried you upstairs to the guest room you were staying in, and laid you down softly on the bed underneath him.

"Birth control?" He looked at you, smiling.

"The coil - don't worry, I'm covered this time.." You smiled back as he lifted your t-shirt over your head and kissed you again. The reason for being at the pharmacy 2 years ago was to collect your prescription for the pill - you'd not taken it for a couple of days after running out suddenly. After Jackson was born, you switched to a more efficient form of birth control.

Pulling your skirt down and off, along with your underwear, he nestled his face between your thighs, now parted by his hands.

"I want you to watch me y/n... Watch me as I make you cum..." Your core burning, you raised yourself up on your elbows as he blew a hot breath against your wet folds, causing you to shiver under him. He parted your lips with his fingers, before licking from your pulsing hole up to your clit, finding a rhythm that made you cry out and shudder underneath his tongue. Smiling, groaning into you, you tried to keep your eyes on him as he licked and sucked your throbbing clit in his mouth.

"Jim.. don't stop.. oh god..." You hadn't had sex since that afternoon 2 year ago, no one being good enough to compete with the man currently buried between your legs. No pleasure you'd given yourself since was a patch on this, and you felt that burning feeling in your stomach starting to rise. "I'm close... Mm... Fuck I'm close..." Your words barely a whisper but he heard them, pushing harder with his tongue as a finger entered you, hooking upwards to find that spot inside, the one you didn't think actually existed, but there it was.. you bucked against his mouth, coming hard and fast - you felt your liquids gush over his chin, there was no stopping them... "Aha... Oh god Jim... Fuck... Stop, it's too much..." He smiled, blowing another warm breath over you before moving back to your mouth. You could taste yourself on his lips, turning you on even more.

Flipping him onto his back, you lifted his clothes off him and kissed down his chest. Your core needed a breather before you took him inside you. Licking the top of his now rock hard cock, you slowly sank your lips down, taking him fully inside your mouth. You'd never had a strong gag reflex, and you enjoyed the feeling of his cock hitting the back of your throat.

"Holy fuck... Jesus y/n... That's it baby..." Up and down your head bobbed, swapping between hard and light sucks, your teeth gently scraping the underside of his cock and your fingers lightly playing with his balls underneath you. Every time you felt them tighten, you'd ease off, allowing him to catch his breath, before bringing him into your mouth again. After a few near explosions, he couldn't take anymore and lifted you off motioning for you to sit on him. "Ride me y/n..." You smiled, and sank your pussy onto him, allowing him to fill you. Slowly so as to adjust to his length, your hips moved, back and forth, up and down, finding the right rhythm for you both. He sat up, chests together and his hands under your thighs as he rotated his hips from underneath, driving his cock against that magical spot again.

"Yes... God that feels good... Jim..."

"I'm not gonna last long y/n..."

"That's okay.. we've got plenty of time to make up for this... Cum in me, give me all of you..." You felt his cock twitch inside you as he moved your hips faster. Leaning back, you rode him hard, the bed frame squeaking underneath as you both cried out, your climaxes arriving simultaneously. Coming back to rest your head against his, you clenched your core once more causing him to gasp as you drew yourself off him slowly. Lay down next to each other, he pulled you into his arms.

"Did you mean what you said?" He asked, kissing your head gently. "Plenty of time?"

"I meant it, Jim... I need to get back to London to sort a few things, put my flat up for sale.. my job... But yes. If you'll have us, we'll come back.." you looked into his eyes. He lifted your head to kiss you and you felt it. All the love you thought you'd never find, in the man you thought you'd never find it with.

Everything was going to be fine, you couldn't wait to start your life over again, this time for the last time.

@margoo0 @queenshelby @peakyscillian @cloudofdisney @ntmynouis @being-worthy

[teencopandthesourwolf]

17 QUESTIONS, 17 PEOPLE (an update!)

okay, so when i posted the last version on this blog, it was a years-old one from my main that i'd resurrected to get this going. so now imma do an updated version bc i'm depressed and need distractions woohoo.

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NICKNAMES: so. my given name is lucy, which never really sat right with me, but especially not now i've admitted to myself i'm trans. but i'm also autistic, and change freaks me the fuck out lol. online everybody knows me as CASSIDY (actually my surname) but in meatspace, most folks now call me LU, which is androgynous enough to feel okay, i guess. i came out as non-binary a few years ago (which felt right at the time) and only very recently told select folx i'm actually transmasc. it's complicated, for me, in my head, bc i have kids. anyways, my mum has started calling me LUKE (unprompted, lmfao.) also, my brother—who's also my closest buddy—has always called me DAVID, for reasons known only to himself. maybe he's always known i'm a guy.

ZODIAC: scorpio

HEIGHT: a really tall 5'2"

HOGWARTS HOUSE: slytherin (but as my tumblr hubbie tylar @but-theres-wolves also said, jk can go fuck herself with a bargepole).

LAST THING I GOOGLED: "gay men sleeping" bc i wanted a pose ref for a destiel sketch i did when i couldn't sleep last night.

FOLLOWERS: 1015

SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD: toss a coin to your witcher the theme song from the witcher, sung by the delightful joey batey. this is bc SEASON 2 COMES OUT FRIDAY ASFHKDSKKKK so i've had s1 on (again, lol) in the background whilst arting.

HOW MUCH SLEEP DO I GET: i'm bipolar so either like 0-4 hours (when i'm hypomanic) or 13+ when both depressed and/or chronically fucked from, well, my chronic illnesses.

LUCKY NUMBER: a self-assigned no. 6, bc i was aged 6 at the time i heard about lucky numbers and wanted one for myself.

DREAM JOB: fiction editor, props master or illustrator.

WEARING: you wanna know what i'm wearing? you saucy lot... *looks at self or wouldn't have a fucking clue* uh, apparently, a massively baggy white and grey leopard print jumper, boxershorts and a neon yellow beanie over my buzzcut. i ain't leaving the house.

FAVOURITE SONG: as if i could pick just one!? currently it's the lightening strike (what if this storm ends) by snow patrol. like, on fucking permanent repeat rn omg i can't get enough of it. the rest of the songs from that album are shit but MAN, THIS SONG.

FAVOURITE INSTRUMENT: to play? guitar, although my hEDS means it hurts these days. like, A LOT. i don't really want to talk about it or i'll cry. to listen to? a full orchestra. like, fuck, just listen to THIS and tell me you don't wanna fling yourself off of a building (in a good way, like the matrix).

AESTHETIC: 41-year-old-finally-admits-to-self-that-they're-trans-therefore-everything-is-that-missed-youth-teenage-boy-aesthetic. yeah, that. luckily i don't look my age so kinda get away with it—and anyone who thinks not can fuck off anyways :)

FAVOURITE AUTHOR: again, as if i could pick just one. rn it's maggie stiefvater bc i'm reading book two in her dreamers trilogy: mister impossible, the spinoff series from the raven cycle.

FAVOURITE ANIMAL NOISE: cats purring AND corvids! we get crows round our flat all the time and i bloody love them.

SOMETHING RANDOM: this isn't really about me but my brain is foggy so. my ex (but still good buddies) sister-in-law was in a drama/thriller with chlöe sevigny called hit and miss about a trans assassin, and played the wife of vincent regan who was in the movie the 300. this was back in 2012 and chlöe was playing the titular character... these days you'd hope that trans characters get to be played by a trans actors.

now i have to try and claw my way back into the land of the living bc my dad and his wife are travelling over to see me tomorrow and my flat looks like somebody has been fly tipping here (they have; i'm somebody). wish me luck!

tagging, play or nay: fuck, who did i tag last time?! uh let's have @petrichoravellichor @rauko-is-a-free-elf @crack--attack @iscarusholmes @ohhalefire @ltleflrt @mjulmjul @floral-cas @lenaospinka @puhnatsson @halinski @catboyadamparrish @flitwickslittlebrotha @we--are---not--afraid @dilflanlynch @warynerd @permanentlyjaskier @misterstalker and @wilwheaton (promise you're not a last resort buddie, you just popped into my head). plus anybody else who i could be tagging but am forgetting bc i have hardcore brain fog leave me alone. oh and anybody who doesn't recognise this url my main is @all-or-nothing-baby :))

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[keltonwrites]

I bought a house in the middle of nowhere

“Yeah, I loved it, but she’d never move there.” It was something akin to that, at least. He didn’t mean any mischief, no deceit or planning. It was an honest take on what, at the time, was true. I saw the road into town on Google Maps, noted that it was closed during the winter, acknowledged the reality that a person can own a snowmobile, and I said, “we are not moving there.” But, all good truths are just dares in the making.

And here I am, living in the “there” I said I would not. Two years ago, I left my job at Headspace for a life reset. It was pre-pandemic, and Ben and I were planning a big road trip. Our perfect paradise in Topanga, CA, had crystallized itself as many people’s perfect paradise, and those “many people” all had more money than us. Our options to buy a home were nil, and home-buying was essentially all we wanted. Ben’s a builder and I’m a world builder, and we wanted somewhere to invest that didn’t belong to someone else. We packed the car with the tent and the bikes and the dog and all the things that come with tents and bikes and dogs, and off we went on our own Tour de l’Ouest, looking for a place to call home. We knew what we wanted, knew our odds of finding it, and hit the road anyway. Here was the dream list — concocted by two pie-in-the-sky dummies who married each other:

Not rainy or consistently windy

Notable access to the arts

Remote and challenging to get to/close neighbors

Wild West influenced architecture

Progressive community

Exceptional trail access out the front door

High-speed internet

In our budget

And my personal favorite: had to “feel right” Good luck to us with a list like that, but thus began our hunt. We camped in the snow, tried every dirty chai in the Rockies, and explored every town we could. Whatever a good time it was, it felt useless. Every town Ben was OK with, I hated. Every town I was OK with, Ben despised. And the few places we both loved required money we just didn’t have. We came home with our sails down, limping into the harbor of our rental. But as is the way with romantics, our dreams began to slowly eclipse our reality. Books fell victim to Zillow and Trulia. TV was replaced by the MLS. All writing time was dedicated to Realtor.com. Hours were spent pouring over maps, county records, and updating spreadsheets that tracked price per square foot compared to beds and baths. Over time, all that internetting led to one singular town of 180 people at 10,000 feet in the San Juan Mountains of Colorado with a road that said “Closed Winters” on Google Maps. Look, I don’t know what happened. Ben found this town on a map, I said don’t be ridiculous, and after a year or so of him telling people I'd never move here, here I am, being ridiculous. Was it reverse psychology? Maybe. Was it the charming “town plan” that mandated all houses be rustic cabins and forbade AirBnB? Could be. Was it the fact that when I looked at Strava’s Heatmap, it showed what seemed like thousands of miles of trails just out the front door? I mean, yes. All these things played a part, but all I know for certain is that one day I woke up and said, “we’re going to move there.” Ben doubted this conviction (and the realities behind it) thus cementing it into place in my head. In a town of 180 people there’s only ~60 houses, which means maybe 2 or 3 get listed per year — but my spreadsheet had the proof: we hadn’t missed our chance yet in this tiny town. The data showed a strong likelihood there would be at least two houses listed within the calendar year. This, however, was also our last chance. The spreadsheet also showed that if we didn’t find a house this year, we wouldn’t be able to afford one the next. We called a realtor, made our case, and harangued her until she believed us that we were truly the kind of yahoos who would move to an avalanche field and stay there. And then it happened. A pocket listing. It was a darling home built in 1890. It had the beds, the baths, and the views. We were the first and only to know. We put in an offer, they agreed, and we would come to see the house in a few weeks. But in those few weeks, the circumstances changed. The sellers lost their own sweet deal, and they couldn’t sell yet. Their agent promised we had right of first refusal, it was only a matter of time. Ben lamented, I preached patience, and we went to see the house that was no longer for sale anyway.

It was a quiet winter morning in Covid when we drove across the packed snow to meet our realtor outside the house. The sun was out and the 13 degrees Fahrenheit felt warm. I unzipped my jacket, mask on my face. I took long videos and talked about where I would set up my office and where we’d put the bikes. As we closed up and I settled into a future where this house would eventually be mine, our realtor told us there were comps in the area — other residents quietly interested in potentially closing out. Would we like to see them? Sure, let’s.

One home came with an incredible commercial kitchen. The whole house was a whopping 3500 sq ft if my memory serves me correct, which falls under the category of “houses too big to find your cat in."

Another home had an open-air-to-the-kitchen bathroom.

The third was dark and overpriced with cracked windows and open beer cans scattered about.

And then, plans changed.  “Hey guys, there’s actually one more house we can see.” The last house we saw was a log cabin, nestled in the hillside by itself, with massive A-frame windows looking out onto the peaks beyond. Inside was a labyrinth of a life lived long and large. The cabin was built and loved by a man we’ll call Jack. Jack was 82, and as we walked toward the front door on that sunny winter morning, he exited with two beers in his pockets, headed to the mountain to ski. Jack was an attorney — in his life he’d been both criminal and defender — and from the stories, somewhat interchangeably. There were artifacts from running in the same scenes as Hunter S. Thompson and Willie Nelson; there were stuffed birds, bad books, sheet-covered couches, smoked spliffs, and piles and piles of mouse shit. Every inch of the house was lived in, and not just by people. You think millennials like plants? No. This man likes plants. The biggest monstera deliciosa I’ve ever seen, spanning some 10 feet wide and 15 feet tall. Draping cactuses, spider plants, massive aloes, and an ambitious hoya carnosa clawing its way to the top of the massive fireplace. But there were problems. I’m trying to be diplomatic saying the house was lived in. The wood by the door handles was dyed black from years of hand grease rubbing against it. The carpet in the upstairs was soiled almost everywhere with bat scat. Newspaper was stuffed between the massive logs to keep the wind out. There was cardboard taped over almost every window, blankets nailed over the others. Half the doors wouldn’t open. It was unnerving to touch the crusted light switches. It was early enough in the season of Covid-fear that touching anything felt like gambling. On our way back to our rental in the bigger neighboring town, we shared our awe and our no-ways, lamenting how long we’d have to wait for the little 1890s fixer upper. That night, I sent the video I took of the cabin to my parents. “Can you believe this?” I asked. And do you know what my dad said? “Great log construction.” After that, the cabin was all we could talk about. “Could you believe those plants?” “Did you see how big those logs were?” “I just googled Jack, look at this.” “Do you know what the insulating factor of logs is?” “How much did he say he was asking?” It came down to the plants. Amidst all the chaos in that house, the tender care of those decades-old plants sung the clearest. This wasn’t just a place Jack lived in, it was a place that wanted to be lived in. We made an offer the next day.

Jack had six months to clear out his 30 odd years of collecting, and the town had six months to speculate about the worrisome Californians moving to their high-altitude, high-risk town. The town itself is an old mining town. It rests in a high valley, surrounded by peaks over 13,000ft, and is over six hours from the nearest major airport. Five people died around this town in avalanches this past year. The dirt road into town is littered with avalanche fields, warning visitors to not stop when driving in. The other way out is a pass road, only drivable in the warm months, but you could skin out if it was dire. Most August days, the high is in the mid-60s. The valley is blanketed in wildflowers, and the aspens littering the mountainsides suggest a promising fall display. The town had a heyday, a low day, and now it’s a community of preppers, adventurers, appreciators, and “get all these idiots away from me”ers. We don’t know these people yet, but the ones we’ve met have the same like to live hard attitude we do. Heli-ski guides, ex-CIA agents, woodworkers, bakers, teachers, just a general can-do group of people. The kind of people that see a California license plate and peer with skepticism between the thin gap over their sunglasses and under their caps.

You might say I’m romanticizing the place, but the residents are worse. Like all good old-timers, they’re full of threats: “wait’ll you see the snow drifts,” “let’s see how you do outrunning an avalanche,” “good luck with the winds,” “the last Californians didn’t last a year.” God, what does that remind me of?

“Yeah, I loved it, but she’d never move there.”

With every taunt, my teeth ground more enamel, fingers rolling into a clench. And maybe Jack recognized this intensity, because on the day of closing, he hosted a gathering for us in the town's open space. He had us introduce ourselves to the skeptical locals, and I made my case in court, eyes narrowed and lips curled. “I’m the daughter of a smokejumper and wildlife biologist. I grew up watching the wind and the door. I’ve lived in big cities, small boats, and more than one cabin. I always take the stairs, I never use air-conditioning, and I’m a very good shot.” I’m just a girl, standing in front of a town, asking them to give her a fucking chance. Jack stepped forward to speak. “You know, I had my doubts about a couple Californians coming to look at my house. But these people? These are the nicest people you’re ever gonna meet.” And then I helped Jack set up his cot so he could spend his last night under the stars in the town that kept him young. Cooper ran circles with the other dogs. People brought homemade cocktails and bowls of dip and we felt welcomed. Even the mayor, a fellow writer, came and she struck up a conversation. “I hear you’ve got a little bit of a following on social media!” She teased. “I guess, nothing wild.” “Well I just wanted to let you know if you ever geotag this town, I’ll drag you out of it.” She grinned. This was a special place. And every visitor who couldn’t handle the realities of being here threatened the very wellbeing of the people who lived here. This town survives on a delicate balance. They source their own water, manage their own roads, and fervently protect the land and the people around them. Their stories about racing avalanches, snowmobiling in the dark of night to the doctor’s house, hunkering down in each other’s homes as the storms pass — these stories were bylaws. You can join when you’ve proven you’re ready to join. By their own projection, they are hardy and steadfast people, and when they see a Californian, they see something fleeting. Many years ago, I worked in the British Virgin Islands. The people born and raised there were called Belongers. At the customs office, the placards above the lines literally read, “If you belong, stand here” and “If you do not belong, stand here.” Whether or not we belong isn't up to the town council, and it's not up to these residents. It's up to years spent drifting my old Mustang in the snow on the way to school, up to Ben's months and months spent in the backcountry, up to my years of reading fire reports and assisting with evacuations, up to Ben's ability to read the landscape and the weather, up to my doggedness, his diligence, and our pathological love to do difficult things well. It’s up to us, to these old logs, and to this valley. Doesn't mean we'll belong, but it does mean we'll try. And for the record, the road is open in the winter. But do these sound like the kind of people who’d tell Google that? Next week, a tour of the house that we get to call ours — stuffed with newspaper, run by plants, and filled with mice. P.S. Here's where we get our mail.

Subscribe to the newsletter here. Follow on Instagram here.

[omegangrins]

Universal took Tremors from its creators after 30 years of work.

TL;DR After 25-30 years making the series, Brent Maddock, Michael Gross, Nancy Roberts, Ron Underwood and S.S. Wilson were kicked out so Universal Studios could make more money off the merchandising before the Tremors copyright expires in 2025.

*****MAJOR SPOILERS**** This will make you sad, angry and frustrated. But there is hope. #StampedeTremors

Soooooo, ever since I blew up and sidetracked a post about David Fincher's Queen Biopic with Sacha Baron Cohen as Freddie Mercury discussing the Tremors 7 ending, I've done some more research on the whole thing. The Graboid hole for this goes deep.

Michael Gross didn't want it.

“There’s a part of me that feels that Universal Home Entertainment might’ve had enough of Tremors. The suggestions that were made in the course of this [movie] made me think maybe they’ve had enough. They came to me and said, ‘What if we ended it at 7?’ and I said, ‘Whatever you choose to do, I’m good with that.'” “That being said, The door is still open for an eighth Tremors. It may seem unlikely by what people see on the screen, but it is possible. There could be an eighth. And if there were, and if it were an interesting story, I would be up for it because Burt is always a great deal of fun. It would depend on his physicality. How much they want me to do. If it’s in another two years, I’ll be 75 years old. So I will continue to hope and pray that I stay in shape, to do what is asked of me – if it is asked of me.”

AND Universal even killed off any ambiguity that he fought for.

"We shot it both ways, where everybody's mourning Burt, and he climbs up over the cliff and looks at all of them in mourning and goes, 'Jesus, God, I'm not dead. And he's really pissed off at them. It's like, 'How would you possibly think...?' But he's bloodied, just he's a mess. He looks like he's been through an earthquake, crushed by a house, but he's alive. And he says, 'You idiots. Of course, I'm alive.'" "They decided it just had this punch. Frankly, I thought to myself -- I didn't express it to them, but I thought to myself -- 'Maybe Universal's getting a little tired of this franchise.' Because this wasn't my idea." "I said, 'I can live with this. Because they came to me. They said, 'Look, you've been doing this so long. What do you think?' And I said, 'Well, as long as we kind of leave the door open.' I mean, I can kind of see an eighth film where it opens with Burt in a hospital bed, in a full body cast and saying, 'I survived.' He could hardly move a muscle. And maybe eight is...if I had a concept for eight, it would be Burt horribly injured, but in a motorized, weaponized wheelchair that has rocket mounts on the side and can leave an oil slick behind like James Bond's car. So nobody can chase him." "I always said, if Kevin Bacon or Fred [Ward] or Reba [McIntire] or anybody [wanted to return], I'd be there in a minute. Just because one, I love Burt, but I always thought of him as this guy kind of on the fringes, and I just came to the fore because everybody else walked away."

https://bloody-disgusting.com/movie/3637682/michael-gross-says-door-still-open-potential-eighth-tremors-movie/

https://comicbook.com/movies/news/tremors-shrieker-island-michael-gross-on-burt-gummer-death/

While Universal ignored how Michael Gross was setting up his son Travis Welker to pick up his torch (Which I'm give or take on Jamie Kennedy yet he brought a Grady-like optimism to the shittier of the series.)

"My reaction was disappointment, as I had planned an entire storyline around his participation."

Even Jamie Kennedy tried to but they wouldn't let him.

"Lot of people have been asking me, so I might as well spill it. I will NOT be in the upcoming TREMORS 7. I had a great time making the last two. But no TRAVIS this time around. But hey you neva’ know what can happen in the future.... have a great time boys! Tdawg out!!!"

https://mobile.twitter.com/JamieKennedy/status/1188981479973347329

After 7 movies and a TV show, nothing more than a spit in the face for the man who carried a franchise. Then when they do the montage at the end, we get clips of Hiram Gummer but NOTHING of Burt Gummer from the TV show. It's 13 episodes of Burt in Tremors that's longer than all the movies combined but yet they don't even include it in the ending montage while including his dead grandpa.

Same with the original creators. Did you know Stampede Entertainment (Brent Maddock, Nancy Roberts, Ron Underwood, and S.S. Wilson) were working on Tremors for 25 years and even had the 5th one written, "Thunder/Gummer Down Under".

Then were told to sit on it for 10 years before Universal eventually told them to eat dirt? That's gotta hurt. It hurts me and I'm not even connected to these movies. All that work down the drain just because of someone's say so. And for no reason. Well not exactly....

Universal knows fans want Tremors merch. I mean, look at how they took #BurtGummerDay from @BabyFarkMcGeeZax. And they want ALLLLLL of that merchandising money. With none of it going to Stampede because it would give them leverage. Not to mention they don't want anyone else getting the idea to make cute monster toys before they can roll out their own line.

Don't believe me? See Universal pull some Hollywood Accounting with Tremors already.

http://imgur.com/gallery/mFNIHV3

Half a billion dollars... completely untraceable. I've tried. Emailed the numbers people and they can't tell me anything unless you pay $50 a film to see the numbers. Which makes me ask, who paid for the numbers on 1,5, 6, & 7? And why only what they made? Not their cost. Same for the numbers on 2, 3, & 4. Why numbers on the cost, but nothing on what it made? It seems weirdly targeted to make it look like the Stampede Entertainment ones only cost money but made nothing.

Then when you find out that the copyright to Tremors will revert to its creators after the 35 year mark, which makes that date 2024-2025 since Tremors was filmed in '88-'89 but released in '90.....

Wellllllll some things start to add up. Especially when you consider it's Universal. They already know about owning copyrights for things long out of due. Ask Dracula, Frankenstein and the Wolfman. Or Nintendo when Universal tried to sue them because Donkey Kong was too similar to King Kong.

Ask Stampede (S.S. Wilson) yourself. They have a Question and Answer page right on their site.

Like did you know you can't find ANY official Tremors merch? But you CAN find tons of fan-made creations. Give it a Google. They don't even list Tremors on the Universal website. Go ahead. Ask them. I try weekly. No responses ever.

https://www.universalpictures.com/about

Even with a longer history, more money made, and amount of sequel potential in comparison to their other films?

http://imgur.com/gallery/ZnXEsI3

Fans are clamoring for more but Universal says no?

Hell, you can watch the TV show for free on the NBC site.

But before my investigating, the episodes were so jumbled and missing it would ruin people's enjoyment.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Tremors/comments/m0wvwu/tremors_episode_9_graboid_rights_is_back_on_nbc/

What about how they made a Tremors series pilot with Kevin Bacon? The only bad thing about it is that they need to pull a Sonic redo on the Graboid at the end but who knows, I suspect it's like that for plot reasons after reading the unaired script.

https://youtu.be/hWU3GpKmIvw

That Universal/NBC/SyFy has proceeded to hide deeper than a Graboid burrows. https://wegotthiscovered.com/movies/tremors-star-kevin-bacon-confused-sequel-series-picked/

Despite no one knowing why. http://imgur.com/gallery/w7rbUvZ

Read the script for yourself if you don't believe me. They've already hidden it for two years. Andrew Miller worked too hard for it to be hidden. And it plays. It works and plays with what's already there while being new and old. Quite good.

Have you seen the Kevin Bacon/Michael Gross commercial featuring them in Perfection Valley? The whole commercial is a sly way to use Tremors WITHOUT actually saying anything Universal would have claim to call copyright on. "Sandworms" "My old co-star" "Trevors". It's a great big middle finger to Universal.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=E_O0K9hmlrw

How about the original script for Tremors 2: Aftershocks. The creators have wanted it seen for 20 years but it took a crazy Larry like me to get it out there. It's got Val, Earl, Burt and Heather in it too. Pretty good too. So good they reused the ending in the TV show episode "Shriek and Destroy".

All these things swirl together and make me wonder more and more. For the plethora of Tremors fandom goes deeper than even me... Like Imgur user @BabyFarkMcGeeZax. They created Burt Gummer Day five years ago through sweat and love alone.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Tremors/comments/mb2rtz/babyfarkmcgeezax_created_burt_gummer_day_and/

Yet what does Universal do? Take the day, plaster it over the end of their hero's death, and not even give a line credit or thank you to @BabyFarkMcGeeZax or a mention on Twitter as they blurb it everywhere.

Ever seen the gif battles about Tremors at r/HighQualityGifs?

https://www.reddit.com/r/GifTournament/comments/luvt39/giftournament_battle_13_round_3/

https://www.reddit.com/r/HighQualityGifs/comments/dtz11k/battle_178_tremors/

How about The Everything Sequel podcast where they discuss how amazing all of The Tremors Saga is after discovering it for the first time. Even going so far as to pitch their own sequels.

https://share.transistor.fm/s/e24901de https://share.transistor.fm/s/bdea7b5e https://share.transistor.fm/s/cf79bbc1 https://share.transistor.fm/s/fac66438 https://share.transistor.fm/s/a90415cd https://share.transistor.fm/s/c0e8153e https://share.transistor.fm/s/6b6572f9

There's so much fan content and people screaming for more Tremors! Like "Perfection, NV", a fan film.

Or this collection of alt Tremors posters.

http://imgur.com/gallery/MgkhnfE

Including the thousands of pieces of fanart.

http://imgur.com/gallery/6f7Txh0

http://imgur.com/gallery/nXG1ph1

The story behind Tremors comics. http://www.enemyofpeanuts.com/2013/03/09/the-short-story-behind-tremors-comics/

Even the new Tremors game. OR games.

https://youtu.be/G6PX1QY2oIc

https://stefanocagnani90.itch.io/tremors-thegame

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tremors:_The_Game

https://www.playfg.com/dirt-dragons-game.html

Look at all this love.

And this isn't even an officially licensed game.

"A fortune", you say? Interesting....

So let's make Tremors 8 Ouroboros with the OG creators back on board.

https://imgur.com/gallery/o2kCFLu

We restart the TV show and end the movies for a while. Just like The Librarians. If Marvel can switch between movies and TV, Tremors can too.

If you think I'm crazy too, just see and know how I've been in this position before. I'm well aware of how this "story" plays out.

I mean, Tremors *does* foreshadows its ending with a sleeping bag. https://imgur.com/gallery/5HexQ

Notice too how you can find little Behind the Scenes for Tremors 5-7 despite a smorgasbord of material for 1-4 and both TV shows.

http://imgur.com/gallery/b4STAkl http://imgur.com/gallery/gSlZ1fC http://imgur.com/gallery/fnFt9MD http://imgur.com/gallery/6mDHTtg http://imgur.com/gallery/4M28quW http://imgur.com/gallery/w7rbUvZ http://imgur.com/gallery/6l0Dogl

And it's not like Universal isn't known for shady business practices. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Universal_Pictures

What about how they own the rights to damn near every monster except for Godzilla. And not just the classics like Frankenstein, Dracula, the Wolfman, Mummy and Invisible Man. They have Kong, Hulk, Jaws, Michael Myers, The Thing, all the Jurassic Park dinos, all the Romero zombies, Chucky, Casper, Riddick beasts, Hellboy, and Jaegers/Kaiju. These dudes know merchandising rights and they're looking to score the next Poke'Mon franchise.

https://www.plagiarismtoday.com/2011/10/24/how-universal-re-copyrighted-frankensteins-monster/

Take a gander at all these articles gushing with love for Tremors:

Why the 'Tremors' Franchise Is Better Than the 'Alien' Movies https://collider.com/why-the-tremors-franchise-is-better-than-the-alien-movies/

As Kevin Bacon's Tremors returns to TV, we explain the entire franchise ​It's way more complicated than you think. https://www.digitalspy.com/movies/a807140/tremors-franchise-series-guide-kevin-bacon/

20 Fun Facts About Tremors https://ew.com/article/1990/07/13/tremors/

Thirty Years After Tremors, Reba McEntire Tells Us Why She's Absolutely Down to Return For a Reboot https://www.esquire.com/entertainment/movies/a30457996/tremors-30-anniversary-reba-mcentire-interview/

30 years ago, Tremors became perhaps the most perfect bad movie https://www.thv11.com/mobile/article/entertainment/movies/film-on-11/getting-reel/30-years-ago-tremors-became-perhaps-the-most-perfect-bad-movie/91-8f6854df-9dcc-4870-ab3a-4f91a658ac3f

How Tremors 7 Succeeds Where Other Horror Movie Franchises Failhttps://screenrant.com/tremors-7-movie-succeeds-better-horror-movie-franchises-reason/

A Complete Rundown of the Entire Tremors Saga https://www.dreadcentral.com/editorials/363290/beneath-perfection-thoughts-on-the-entire-tremors-franchise/

Kevin Bacon Wants to Revisit His Only Film He Ever Re-Watched https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/movies/movie-news/kevin-bacon-tremors-1234956657/

Look at all this #BurtGummerDay love. That adds up to thousands of people watching Tremors for the first or fiftieth time. And this is only the first "official" year. It'll only grow.

http://imgur.com/t/burt_gummer_day

https://m.facebook.com/groups/2215552755347508/permalink/3124638257772282/?ref=m_notif¬if_t=group_comment

https://m.facebook.com/groups/2215552755347508/permalink/3124638397772268/

https://www.reddit.com/r/Tremors/about

Can you see the Tremors? Can you feel them? Fans want Tremors and they want it from Stampede. http://imgur.com/gallery/ZaVL7Mc http://imgur.com/gallery/f37bEV7 http://imgur.com/gallery/De6DlqQ

After all this time, and all this love, and all this greed, it's time we break Hollywood tradition and give power back to the people. When people can #RestoreTheSnyderVerse or #SaveTheVentureBros, we can #StampedeTremors for #BurtGummerDay.

Take this hope and fly!

#StampedeTremors

BTS, gifs, and videos of The Tremors Saga. Tremors: The Lost Tapes from S.S. Wilson's personal collection https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1EA9246EF966DDA2

Monster Makers https://stampede-entertainment.com/site/photos/tmm-tremors/ https://stampede-entertainment.com/site/photos/tmm-tremors2/

ADI's creation documentaries https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLR9WUo3tIVnb4CyMR1SLVsxPyBwz1Met_ BTS gallery of Tremors http://imgur.com/gallery/b4STAkl

The making of Tremors https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=m-HUUt21tRA

Inside the Graboid workshop https://youtu.be/YgPuC2tNBpM

Stampede Entertainment's video archive for Tremors https://stampede-entertainment.com/site/category/videos/tremors/

Tremors opening https://youtu.be/gnqPYTOzc38

BTS gallery of Tremors 2: Aftershocks http://imgur.com/gallery/gSlZ1fC

Stampede Entertainment's behind the scenes of Tremors 2 https://stampede-entertainment.com/site/photos/tremors2/

The making of Tremors 2 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fAlqzM0CyPI

Tremors 2 original script with Val, Earl, Burt and Heather. http://imgur.com/gallery/8QaHPRy

Tremors 2: Aftershocks opening https://youtu.be/pVi24Gc0KdQ)

BTS gallery of Tremors 3: Back to Perfection http://imgur.com/gallery/fnFt9MD Stampede Entertainment's behind the scenes of Tremors 3 https://stampede-entertainment.com/site/photos/tremors3/

On the set of Tremors 3 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0ZhrvkB5nKs

Stampede Entertainment's video archive of Tremors 3 https://stampede-entertainment.com/site/category/videos/tremors3/

Tremors 3: Back to Perfection opening https://youtu.be/UXjdZitldB4

BTS gallery of Tremors the Series http://imgur.com/gallery/6mDHTtg

Stamede Entertainment's https://stampede-entertainment.com/site/photos/tremors-series/

Behind the scenes of Tremors the Series lost monsters. https://stampede-entertainment.com/site/photos/tremors-series-lost/

Cold opens for Tremors the Series https://youtu.be/srB6rZgv_Po https://youtu.be/v3ZkC08rKtg

BTS gallery of Tremors 4: The Legend Begins http://imgur.com/gallery/4M28quW Stampede Entertainment's behind the scenes of Tremors 4 https://stampede-entertainment.com/site/photos/tremors4-2/

On the set of Tremors 4 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bppXVxldTqU The weapons of Tremors 4 https://stampede-entertainment.com/site/photos/weapons-of-tremors-4/

Tremors 4: The Legend Begins opening https://youtu.be/3gDlAEUBesg

BTS gallery of Tremors 5: Bloodlines http://imgur.com/gallery/6l0Dogl

Tremors 5: Bloodlines opening https://youtu.be/t8jrCVI676Y

BTS gallery of the unaired Kevin Bacon Tremors pilot http://imgur.com/gallery/w7rbUvZ

Script for the unaired Tremors pilot http://imgur.com/gallery/UbtTvyf

Trailer for the unreleased Tremors pilot https://youtu.be/hWU3GpKmIvw

Kevin Bacon talks Tremors. https://youtu.be/TAGOlEIR7mA

Interviews with Alec Gillis, Brent Maddock, Nancy Roberts, and Ron Underwood https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjmUAAK3guQ8t6dKzwH9V0RzerkdLr0d1

S.S. Wilson talks his Tremors career. https://youtu.be/ZJhZmty_dKs Making Perfection https://youtu.be/hpCSCQJEmnk

Have a question about Tremors? Find it here and if you can't find it, ask S.S. Wilson yourself! https://stampede-entertainment.com/site/fan-extras/tremors-faq/?include_category=general

And if you love Tremors enough to have made it this far, enjoy a collection of gifs for you to use at your pleasure.

Tremors http://imgur.com/gallery/kPiEe3d http://imgur.com/gallery/5Sb4Vpg http://imgur.com/gallery/1uZxiue http://imgur.com/gallery/NX5r2

Tremors 2 Aftershocks http://imgur.com/gallery/i1IZZf8 http://imgur.com/gallery/krcmrgQ http://imgur.com/gallery/GjTxAg1 http://imgur.com/gallery/DabFZTt http://imgur.com/gallery/QLTStyx http://imgur.com/gallery/P92e1ri http://imgur.com/gallery/IUAvd http://imgur.com/gallery/h8BZ0qN http://imgur.com/gallery/ZQi2KOb http://imgur.com/gallery/WDZdM

Tremors 3 Back to Perfection http://imgur.com/gallery/5ebddmR http://imgur.com/gallery/Rj9fqIy http://imgur.com/gallery/ikzXFbd

Tremors the Series http://imgur.com/gallery/cqSMk40

Tremors 4 The Legend Begins

http://imgur.com/gallery/ufV3of1 http://imgur.com/gallery/zPGBOW3 http://imgur.com/gallery/ri5jLRd http://imgur.com/gallery/y7A3l5D

Tremors 5 Bloodlines

http://imgur.com/gallery/Pmunxjo http://imgur.com/gallery/0yazNVG

Tremors 6 A Cold Day In Hell http://imgur.com/gallery/S4qlPCI http://imgur.com/gallery/Xa2mUsS

Tremors Pilot http://imgur.com/gallery/RXXjbKr http://imgur.com/gallery/kCErQyF

Tremors 7 Shrieker Island

http://imgur.com/gallery/FzpJllb http://imgur.com/gallery/JGweZjH

[truerescreatuconfessions]

Ave exitium

So, last night I started horrendously crying because it finally hit me with what I lost and since this is a "safe" space to confess things maybe I would feel better if I just got everything out.

Res wasn't just a bunch of pixels to me. It was a home. It was another identity, a support unit, and my creative outlet.

A home.

I had first gotten into Res when I was possibly around 12-13. My home life was extremely chaotic with my parents working on getting a divorce so I found comfort in Res, and I ended up meeting some really cool people that were the reason why I stayed after I turned 20+ years old (I am 26 now). Res was where I could exist without the bullying endured at school and the abuse my dad would put me through. Eventually, coming home and logging on into Res and talking to my friends was what I looked forward to. It was just, my own little virtual corner.

An identity.

In real life I had to be me, but on Res I could be anyone. Granted, my identity changed a lot and when I was younger I lied about things because my home life absolutely sucked and lying about things made myself feel better (I was 12, give me a break) but eventually I just settled on "Shini." And I came to like Shini. At work, I had to be Ashley (a name I hate) but on there I was Shini. And I became someone. I'd have a terrible day and come into the Shoutbox just to see my close friends respond with "Shini <3" and just seeing that was enough to make me smile. My friends loved, spoiled and supported me so much. There are people on there that loved me to death, and I felt the same for them. Just having my friends accept and aknowledge me as who I chose to be when I wasn't getting that in my real life made me feel..kinda happy. Kinda like I belonged somewhere. And for someone that has struggled with mental health all their life things felt good for once.

A support unit.

Trying to be an artist is one of the biggest hurdles I've ever faced, and all my life my father had spent every day telling me I wasn't one, but the support, the people that I found out loved seeing my artwork, and the compliments I would get when I would excitedly post a new piece in the Shoutbox, that was so great. It made me smile so much. And I loved drawing for people. Thank you to everyone that has commissioned me. I hope you really like your artwork. I'm glad I got so much attention but now I'm sad you guys can't see me grow. I had several pieces I was really excited to show off but oh well, guess that's done now.

A creative outlet.

I'm pretty sure I've stated multiple times that Res was how I got rid of stress and exercised my creativity. My names. My sweet children. The reason why it was like pulling teeth to get me to sale a name was because they all were given a character. I loved them all so much, but now they're gone. And I had some very well loved designs that many artists on Res have drawn [Michael the Dark Souls inspired Omni, Martyr the arrow impaled Liyure that cries gold, Saw my Iluvu modeled after the puppet]. I put so much though into my characters and even sunk close to $800+ in real money for art of them. They weren't just trophies, they were expressions of my creativity. What sucks even more is that I was working on a huge painting of Martyr and Saga for their profiles and now it's just painful to even look at them.

Because they're gone.

My support unit is gone. My friends are gone. My childhood is gone. All of my characters are gone. All of their art is gone. I never got any warning of anything so it's not like I had time to save all of the art I bought.

And this whole thing, this massive, uncalled for clusterfuck that shows a lack of leadership and care for your loyal members, has made me feel so terrible. Like Hell, I also feel abused and gaslighted. And even worse I don't appreciate the jokes being made about my mental health when it is a legitimate serious issue I struggle with (talk to any of my friends on Discord, some days I can't even get out of bed due to my depression). And I don't appreciate being called a toxic person. If anything, this situation has drawn the toxicity out of me because, frankly, I am pissed and I am hurt. We're not getting our accounts back when they shouldn't have been taken in the first place and we're also untrustworthy? It's fairly clear that you do not care about your users. You hired someone that wants to joke about alcoholism and mental health as development.

I don't want anything to do with Res. I contemplated coming back but if I did Dan would just snag my kids when my account was cleared. And that's cool, but let me just say: they are not for you and I hope if you grab one that you are told they are not for you. My kids and their characters will always be mine and I hope you know that. You're insatiably greedy, but I hope that just this once, the guilt eats you alive. I hope you are tormented.

This will be my last post here. I wish my friends the best of luck. If you manage to get one of my kids please treat them well. If you were close to me on site you have my permission to message me on my account for my Discord to keep in touch. I love all of you guys and I hope that maybe, just maybe, in the future Res becomes a safe place. My only regret is that I was banned before I could come back on Res full time because I was going to apply for Staff because I actually give a shit about the site and its userbase.

Be kind to others. Respect yourselves and nature.

- Shini/Ash 💞

[wildselkie]

Top 10 Scenes in TDP Season 1 (pt. 1/3)

Top 10 Scenes in TDP Season 1 (pt. 1/3)

*not ordered in which is better or worse, but it will be in chronological order*

Also some things are worded weirdly. I have a pain in the ass time trying to get my thoughts across in words so... I thank you for your patience :))

_________________________________________

1) The scene where Callum, Ezran, and Rayla find the dragon prince. Ep. 2

I think this is one of the more pivotal moments in the show. I mean it is literally the scene that sets the story in motion after all! Two human princes, an elf assassin, and the lost dragon prince (who was thought to be dead/gone/egg destroyed(?)).. this is just IT.

*also i’m aware that Ez probably found the egg first cos he already knew about this secret area but still

2) Viren (attempts to) proposes the idea to trade his life in for Harrow. Ep. 3

Now there are other well thought and well written posts on this scene with Viren and Harrow, so I won't waste your time with all the gushy stuff. I find this scene important because it shows the lengths that Viren would go for his friend. Whether he's doing out of the goodness of his heart or some other selfish reason... maybe both(?)..

!WARNING! MINI VIREN POST ALERT EVEN THO I SAID I WOULDN'T GET INTO IT

In the book Moon, it dives deeper into the plot along with expressing the characters' thoughts and feelings. As for Viren, it's stated in the book that he wanted to:

"offer his life for Harrow's, but he wanted him to understand that this was more than just a sacrifice of a subject to his king. This was personal"

"... he would need to be straightforward. He wanted to say simply I love you and I will die for you" (Ehasz 80).

I have no doubts that Viren didn't not love Harrow or anything of the sorts, but at the same time it feels like there was another motive. Maybe there was, who knows.

All we know about Viren is that he's a father of two (Claudia & Soren), divorced/ separated from his wife, and he's a dark mage. Of course there's some more (like he's taller than Harrow according to the character line up)... also his staff... like if you look at it, it's the same one as the mage who faced Sol Regem all those centuries (?) ago. Maybe he's related to him, or possibly descended from one of the followers. I'd imagine that teaching dark magic may be a thing within his family and ancestors... he taught Claudia dark magic. That doesn't prove anything but it's a small thought.

ANYWAY-- this scene is one of many scenes that show Viren in a vulnerable state. The book gives a look into how he felt when he decided to sacrifice himself and everything. It's just interesting and I'm here for it. 

3) Amaya and her weapons grade baguette Ep. 4

On a less serious and more fun note, the fact that Amaya is a breakfast connoisseur is just perfect. Amazing. Fantabulous.

"As a breakfast connoisseur, she was offended that Ezran would neglect a hearty morning meal" (Ehasz 120).

I only emboldened and italicized "offended" because in the show YOU CAN LITERALLY SEE HER FACE WHEN EZ TELLS HER.

Bruh she was so offended lmaooo

It's right at 13:36 time in the show... the slow zoom in and all 😂

4) Amaya and Gren meeting Viren at the statue Ep. 5

I’m trying to see if I should have paired this with the first scene where Amaya arrives first. That scene is pretty calm but has a somber feeling. It introduces the relationship of Amaya and Sarai without having to directly say it. 

But this scene here is... interesting. Not in a good way or bad way, but we see they’re reminiscing of the past. At some point, they all got along nicely. Callum even noted in his spellbook that Viren’s family became like a second family to him when he moved to the castle. 

This interaction was cute tho. It started out positive (sort of) with them joking about Viren eating the last jelly tart which pissed Sarai off lol. But then Viren went on to apologize to Amaya and reassured her that what he does is out of the goodness of his heart and love for Katolis. But...

“Aaaaand, he’s back, Amaya thought” (Ehasz 150). 

And then went on to sign that he’s on a bunch of bs. See? Even Amaya knows he’s full of shit lol. But really tho... it makes me wonder how much of bs Viren goes on even before the events of the current story line. 

5) Rayla saves Bait from the sea monster Ep. 5

Let us give a round of applause for Rayla going against her fear of water to save Bait, the grumpy frog who hates her. I think this just goes to show how compassionate Rayla really is. This would include the time when she goes back to grab bait back in the banther lodge in episode 4. 

6) Viren giving his kids their *secret* missions Ep. 6

Okay this isn’t just one scene. I cheated yeah yeah whatever >:3

When Viren is telling Soren what he must do when he finds the princes, at first he doesn’t fully get it, but then.. OH n0

Viren’s intentions are starting to unfold and come together as one. Like, this man just told his own SON that should he find the princes, he should kill them. This 18 yr old bby 

bruh

And Viren didn’t say it aloud, but he heavily implied it. Only to then gaslight him later on when Claudia confronts him in prison. 

As for Claudia, Viren tells her that she must retrieve the egg. And do everything in her power to bring it back, even if it means that she’ll have to sacrifice Soren... her own damn brother ;-;

7) When Callum finally lets Rayla hold the egg Ep. 6

This scene is pretty big. Rayla knows that Harrow is long gone and is trying to find a way to tell them. Obviously she doesn’t choose the best time to try it.

They were in a dire situation that could potentially kill them (even tho they had plenty of those moments already). The reason why this scene is so big is because it shows her struggle to break the bad news (ever since the right binding fell) as she continues to grow closer to them. Here you can see Callum passing the egg to her, despite her hand being in the terrible state that it is in. It is also the scene where right before passing it, he finally tells Rayla that he trusts her. 

8) Human Rayla!! Ep. 7

Human Rayla is so corny but it’s the good kind of corny. One of the best comedic jokes in the series! 

That is all cos human Rayla needs an AU of being a nighttime tv host or smthg

9) Viren and Runaan Ep. 8

yo this is alot okay. The scenes with these two introduced some Moonshadow philosophy and such (ie. not being scared of death). Runaan being the stoic and serious assassin that he is. And Viren not having any of this shit. 

There are three major things here:

 Runaan knows about the mirror and is most likely aware of who Aaravos is. He literally says, “That mirror? You have found something worse than death.” Goddamn...

And then Viren just... trapped his soul.. his essence into a goddamn coin. Just like that? wow. And hold it, almost admiring it in front of Gren. 

Also this is the first time we officially see Viren in that form. In the beginning of episode 5 we are given a darkened silhouette of Viren and the butterflies. But here we see the damage resulted from years of having done dark magic, and it’s horrifying. He is the high mage and all but goddamn. I mean with every action there are consequences so- 

10) Callum destroying the primal stone Ep. 9

I feel like this is one of the “of course it’s this one!” scenes but it really is! Callum realizes that only a sky dragon can be hatched in the eye of storm and there he is with a literal storm in his hand. By now, Callum has come to understanding what feels right and that being a mage is his destiny. But he also understands that he needs to sacrifice some things for new beginnings. This whole journey was to get the lost dragon prince home and restore balance and peace and with the egg starting to die... well you can’t really do that without the egg. 

It’s at 18:50 where he realizes all of this. It’s one of the big boy moments in the show. Seriously, it’s a big moment and the suspension helped get the feels in. And we got a cute baby dragon!! 

End, begin. it’s all the same. (pls someone get that reference ;-;;;)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some honorable mentions:

- Episode 7: Claudia and Soren interacting. I love their sibling bond; it’s so silly and sweet and I love it. It makes me wish I had an older brother of some sort. 

Ellis and Ava,, I like the flashback story given when they meet the dragang. I just like it, okay? Smol chiald w/ smol wolf pup and a hippie Lujaane seeing the beauty & strength in Ava. 

CGI Coran. That all I have to say about that guy lmao

- Episode 8: When the group is going up the cursed caldera and they encounter that giant leech. Like can we just appreciate Callum’s funny way of making out a plan? Fat respect for that. 

Another is when the group split up and waited for the leech to leave. The conversation between Ellis and Callum were sweet as was the one between Rayla and Ez. I loved Ellis’s admiration for Callum being a mage. And her expectations of what a mage was is pretty hilarious. So wholesome. The same goes for Ez when he gave Rayla that daily fill of positivity. 

Like... Ellis is telling Callum how smart and confident and cool he is. And meanwhile Callum is like... it’s not me, it’s this. *whips out primal stone* And she goes on to tell him that she believe he’ll be amazing with or without the stone. 

And Rayla is telling Ez how she failed in her job of killing the enemy. And Ez is telling her how she’s awesome at everything she does.

this is the positive wholesome shit I come for like... this is parallels but GODDAMNIT it’s so.. ;;;;-;;

Yo this is long ENOUGH! Thank you so damn much if you read to the end. You’re the real beauties. Anywho... uh parts 2 and 3 will be up soon. 

 It’s 11 now so I need some sleep. goodnight kids

[warningimmental]

You made your choice. It's not to be a mother so....... Congratulations you're free!!!. Your Wish came true.

Yes this is public so people can see.#TRUTH

***See below as im not repeating again and again.***

My side of life.

P.s

Yeah I'll be fine. I always am in the end.

( Heres what needs to be said and has been said so not to repeat myself. From in PMs )

Sad thing is she knows ill forgive her just like I forgave dad and EVERYONE and EVERYTHING else. I care so no one else has to. I'm the one who picked up the pieces of everything but was tormented daily. She wonders why I was the way I was it was due to parenting and fobbing me off to anyone who would take me.

Anne and Bob should of kept me. They couldn't have kids they could of had me though. (neighbours I adopted as grandparents no blood but love ) My father was a shit most of my life my mother was everyones mother bar mine. They kept me quite with gadgets and as long as I went to school fed and watered job done.

Favourite quote was "it's your fault" and dads was "your making me ill"

Christ for someone who knows everyone elses business she never saw what was happening to her own daughter.

29 years im done. Sick of being a leighton.

I said Stockholm syndrome I loved my captives just happened to be the people I called mum and dad....

I still love them both but what I was "known as normal" was not remotely normal.

Eg. I was appendicitis and born 8 months in mum had no clue and I was "hiding" behind her ribs. It's medically impossible.

Not to mention lived in New York every other year from age of 6 months till I was 13. Dad would take me over and over and over mum came ONCE for my 13th.

I have no memories of New York. It's kind of a huge thing and place to have been wiped out of a memory.

Now im clear-minded im having pseudoseizures because my subconscious doesn't want me to remember what happened.

What mother would let a new born or toddler a child that can't speak fly to the other side of the world to only be with men. My dad and my fucked up uncle who sends stuff to "favourite" niece

I've tried so hard to get better and it's not even my family who acknowledged it.

There's so much you don't know.

She used to have me go in the house before her in case dad had killed himself so id find him first from the ages of 7 onwards. When dad past I went behind the curtain first. So I kept the is see him first. On 29th April 2018

I was always on eggshells she would say people die of lack of breath so EVERY NIGHT id check on mum and dad every hour. She would hold her breath to screw with me. Then say im not dead go to bed.

The house was toxic. For once in my life im actually sane.

She is not who you think she is.

If I've lost my mind it's because my environment sucked. I'm finally out. Sober can think clear and don't harm because I don't have to deal with the toxicity that I dealt with ALL my life.

If I told you everything you wouldn't believe me. Which is fine know one does because but it's true.

Always ask why or what causes someone to go off the rails and self destruct. I never felt safe, I was always told I was a mistake and everything was my fault. As long as I kept the family secrets mum was happy.

Dad was toxic. Mum the same. She wants drama so I finally said enough.

When I say mum knows everything I mean she saw it all and NEVER had it stop or put me safe. I can finally talk now dad is gone. I could write every TRUTH down and write a book. People would wonder how the hell did this girl cope and live to tell. I lived because I care about everything and everyone else. But im done now.

I doubt you'd believe me if im honest. My inbox is full of people defending her and my dad. If only they knew. its been a long time coming but im finally speaking out.

I know people don't understand but I don't want to burden with it. If You like my mum and dad id rather I let you keep the illusion. I know it's out there now that's enough.

If you want to see my life keep reading otherwise STOP HERE.

I'm fine and im safe finally. I just needed more as a child than fear of what should of been my safe place a home.

I don't want us to be strangers to the people who read this and thin sarahs lost it.

I don't want to cause a riff, I just couldn't not say it finally. Mum says always go to counselling but I couldn't. I couldn't tell anyone the truth about dad or mum. Or the truth on why I had to have a very intrusive operation due to assault by 3 at Halloween party. Mum now knows that. Dad was arrested for hitting the wrong lad. Dad and mum would have gone down for murder if I spoke out.

On the other hand there was also my home life in general. I was made to stay quiet about having a revolving door of strangers. Huge boozy parties after a night out. Mum and me being treat like muck on a shoe.

A abusive uncle who would have me and my cusion be "kissing cusions" .Every night when I was 15 to 26 I drank took sleeping pills and hid away in my room self destructive harm anything so not to deal.

I look like wolferrines attacked me because of the arguments or threats. Mum couldnt leave the house quick enough. I gave up on a career to care for my dad but I was always looked down on.

****** golden girl. left was I was guilt tripped saying "your still dads girl you won't leave me" while dad would cry. Every night.

Mum swears I was an appendicitis 8 months in term. I'd be handed to anyone and everyone. Every year or every other from birth id end up in america. Mum would say her holidays where when me and dad would leave. From 6 months old id always go back and forth to New York. I couldnt talk yet "apparently" begged to go with dad.

Mum would say after blazing rows im leaving.

Then just walk out the door. I was left with a highly angry father and confused were mum had gone and if she would come back for me. I'd stay up all night waiting. I'd hide crying and scream in a pillow so not to be to loud so dad didn't shout.

I was told my face doesn't fit. My nick name was ferret face or panda. I would hurt my self so not to hurt others. I wanted and trained to be a counsellor so one to understand what I did wrong and two and most importantly to be there for the people who needed support.

I went to rehab to be identified when found so my parents wouldn't have to. If it wasn't for craig I doubt if be here.

Craig saved my life. Mum has always put others before me or ignored it so it didn't exist.

Important in here (ears) none important (over your head)

I was terrified everyday of my life. I loved and do love my parents it's just I can't stay quite any longer.

Money or game consoles chocolate sweets where hush money. Dad would buy crates of spirits and beer and supple my / his pills so I was always foggy minded.

I'm finally sober clean and harm free my mind is the most composed it ever been.

No one knows what goes on behind closed doors.

Mum is a star and has a heart of gold to others but from age 7 onwards everyone else came first.

I pride my self on protecting, comforting trying to be there and support everyone, hell even risked my life enough times to save some. because I never had it. No one to fight for me protect me.

I wanted parents love encouragement happy I archived or even tried. But it never came.

Even my graduation was ruined.

I wasn't allowed to get a job they made me be sick and have PTSD mum still to this day loves to make me jump. I have terrifying nightmares.

I'd hear conversations no child should hear because they either didn't notice I was there or care. When ***** killed him self when *** did when dad tried and I was left with a random man being told "your dads took to many sweets"

The same man who later tried it on with me sending dirty pictures or dads other "mates" who would try there luck. I gained a shit ton of weight 21 stone so NO guy would come near me because the strangers who would come to the house used to try and feel me up or perv if door was unlocked as I was a kid.

She saw everything but wouldn't believe it. Or me. I phone our ***** one night years ago because she said I could and she yelled at me because she had work. I was silently screaming for help.

It was only at dads funeral she saw and realised and was so genuinely sorry for not believing me the night I phoned.

I wish every single thing I've said and keep telling was a lie but it's not it's 25/26 years of fear.

I'm 29 now. For the first time in my life im not on eggshells. I have a safe home. I can lock the door and not fear.

I wish these were lies I swear!!!!! I do but there not.

Yet NO ONE will even consider it's the TRUTH.

[ineedahiddencorner]

6.23.20

One thing that I was just reminded of in a dream:

Part of the reason why I don't feel completely myself, no matter how well I fix my algorithm?

No real dancing.

I've been swing dancing since I was 13. I don't know the official date of my swingiversary (unlike some folk) because I was dragged along. My sister's then-boyfriend's sister was a regular there and had gotten my sister involved. My sister had been trying to get me to come for weeks. In theory, I was down - she'd taught me the East Coast basic and two turns years before, but only the lead's footwork. (This was very quickly discovered at a volleyball teammate's swing birthday party, where the instructor asked for volunteers for a demonstration. I was so excited, and then did so terribly because I kept trying to start on my left foot.. it was a learning experience.)

I distinctly remember the day she got me to come. She was in the downstairs bathroom, door closed, and I was chatting with her from just outside. I don't remember any of our previous conversation, but just the following:

"Hey [my name]"

'Yeah?"

"Guess what day it is"

[I knew it was Thursday. There was a moment of silence.]

I can't remember the exact words of my reaction, but I'm certain I started fumbling around trying to make excuses for my completely open evening. Sequins just kept firmly saying, "Nope. It's Thursday, you're coming to [Lindy]."

Little did I know..

.. Just how TERRIBLY I'd do my first night!

Of course I jumped into the beginner Lindy lesson. This was when they still taught an actual lindy basic in that time, plus one move.

I don't remember the lesson or most of the evening. I only remember my first actual dance on the floor - the first one they played after lesson - where a kind gentleman asked me to dance and I could not get through a count of 8 without stopping. I may have once or twice in the whole song. We just stuck with lindy, no East Coast.. It did not go the greatest.

Part of it might be terrible memory (as previously found out this last week), but I don't remember being upset.

As mentioned, I don't know how the rest of the evening went, but evidently I kept going.

I don't have too many early memories - mostly things like wearing the red dress that was really a Latin dress but was the only dance-y dress I owned. Then wearing a different dress that I was.. hmm.. not old enough to fill, and one embarrassing dance related. With the addition of dresses came the one night that taught me to wear dance shorts. (I'm certain nothing actually happened, but that concern when you normally wear baggy shirts and jean shorts, and you feel the skirt lifting higher than you'd like? It changes you.)

My first most common outfit (though I can't remember how soon this was after I started) was my red latin dress, a red flower clip in the back, and my slightly-too-big red flats. (A.k.a. the ones I wore EVERYWHERE through ninth and tenth grade.)

Eventually [Haute] gave me my black and white, polka-dot diner dress. I still have that one, and wear it on occasion, but it's just getting old. (It started my Heart of Haute collection though, which was all I would wear for years.)

But that second common outfit was that diner dress, the red flower, and red flats.. clearly there was some easing that needed to happen. Somewhere around there I must've gotten into a single red lip color I had - but I only applied on the main lip area, no edges and most definitely no shape. Ah. Oh very grateful we've come a long way on that end.

I would stand immediately left of the door, cause that's where our friend and Sequins would stand. That stuck even when Sequins stopped coming. (I don't remember why.. but our friend and her friend kept coming for a bit and then stopped too.)

I remember learning the subtle art of asking for/declining a dance even before partners asked - I thought it was the coolest, subtlest thing. I remember watching follows do swivels and admiring them. If I wasn't dancing, I was standing with my arms behind my back, leaning against the wood of that door-left area.

I learned to love dance so much.. in tenth grade my teacher (and mom of my dear friend Caesar - one should also note the class consisted of Rose, Caesar, and I) told us about a dream she had about me getting all the boys from dance. I was mortified, everyone laughed, and it's been a tease since.

Oddly enough, somewhere in there I had the first gentleman ask me out. We were great dance friends! Tried to get a dance with him each time - we got along so well. At one point he asked if I had a boyfriend. I laughingly replied some variation of no. He asked if he'd have a shot. I kindly (and genuinely!) explained that I was 14, but sincerely appreciated it and if I'd been older, absolutely! (I never got his age but knew he was older than me.) He was embarrassed, and I don't really remember seeing him much after.. I understand the embarrassment but still miss him. Alas.

(And there-related, I'm either impressed with him or myself - either he had a very kind eye or I looked relatively together at the time, cause let me just tell you, compared to today's get ups? Oh honey. Oh I was so not properly dressed. Pretty sure this was still when I'd slick my hair back into a tight ponytail.. oof nope not my best look.

That said, we all start somewhere, but dang..)

I definitely had regular partners through that time, though they've changed drastically! It wouldn't be for a couple years that I'd meet Kaiju, Respect-women-juice, and Steals - my longest running, in-and-out-of-dance friends! Let alone more recent friendships..

Oof the early days. Parents dropping me off and picking me up. Then me driving myself but having to be home by 11 for the first year of my license. The different parking lots - North, South, and finally the underground (and my SPOT. I miss my spot. And B. I hope she's doing okay.)

I miss Lindy so much. I relatively regularly attended from that point on. It was a key part of my week for almost half of my life. It's definitely shaped so many parts of my life - respect, communication, kindness, joy, confidence, self-respect.. and much more I know. Heck, even gender roles - I remember getting so excited about leading and talking to a non-dance person as I got better. They were confused as to why being ambidancetrous was a goal and thought it was odd for people to be swapping around the 'fundamental dynamic' of a guy leading and girl following. Meanwhile I was so excited about leading I forgot that was even a view.

(My feelings were captured in the in image below:)

I miss dance. I miss the feeling of a good swingout. Of hitting the break perfectly. Of a favorite song coming on and despeRATELY NEEDING TO FIND THAT PERSON. I miss seeing other dancers in public and getting all excited. I miss trying a dance with a stranger and having it go REALLY FREAKING WELL. I miss finding story songs with Sandman and playing all sorts of characters. I miss laughing when messing up. I miss messing up but playing it off. I miss playing off an entire song cause neither of us are feeling it so we both just act ridiculous. I miss switch dances. I miss getting more confident in my lead. I miss dancing outside Lindy and Peanut-Butter & Dance. I miss hugging my friends. And getting good dips. And everyone's "dance outfits." I miss the Sisters' elaborate themes. The regular FEAST of snacks. I miss Heroes sneaking me in. I miss helping afterwards and catching up with everyone. I miss the peppermints at Lindy and having to move my "spot" for my stuff when the corner would get crowded. I miss the friends I'd make in the ladies lounge. I miss dance shoes. And space. And Camp Hollywood.. frick I miss Camp Hollywood. Days of dancing. The whole mindset being different. (And I was even going to bring ACTUAL food this year! (Not that protein bars and bananas aren't great, but.. variety)

I miss the music. The go to songs. I miss the smells of each of my favorite dance places. I miss feeling like I'm "coming home" every time.. And even if I have very low energy, still having a lovely night talking away to someone.

Especially Lindy. It did feel like home. I knew so many folks there. It was a wonderful home outside school, outside Old Street/New Street. It was my own space where I'd created myself. (Not in a facade way - quite the opposite. Where I'd built myself and my adult identity up from the roots.) It was my space. Not in an owning way, but in an independence way. Before I attended professional mixers and conferences, before I started at Engineering School, before I'd really had full on interviews - I was already my own person, forged by way of jazz music and incredible dancers.

That last part of the sentence is still off. Mostly cause it reduces dance to two things. But eh.

Of course as an adult there's so much more to learn about dance. Now is the perfect time to catch up on my swing history. It's changed over the years and I want to know that change. It's meant more than just light-hearted movements, and I want to catch up.

It's not stagnant. There's much more to know.

I've ignored dance due to "new physics" and therefore subconsciously not letting myself connect with that part of me. But there are other pieces I can learn without actually dancing.

Now is the perfect time for that.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ava & Grace

Ava: Hey Grace: 👋 Ava: How'd it go with gym boy? Grace: 🤞 he's got the hint 👻 Ava: That good, huh Ava: how about the rest, you know, not boys? Grace: we so aren't here to talk about me Ava: Come on Ava: Give me some normal conversation right now Grace: !!!!!!!!! Grace: 100% not gonna be that bitch, talk to ME about what's going on in your oh so dramatic life! Grace: are you okay? Ava: Okay, okay Ava: I'll just come out with it Ava: no sugarcoating Grace: Duh 🚫🍫🍬🍭 Grace: it's not a cheat day Ava: 🤫🤫🤫 Ava: You wanna hear this hot, hot tea or nah Grace: obvs Ava: You'll be the least surprised so there's that Grace: 🚫😱😱😱 Ava: You know when you came here and then married guy couldn't come and then everything fizzled out? Ava: well, it actually did, for nearly a month Ava: but then he came back Grace: OMG Grace: it's literally the MOST 💖📽🎞 like FORGET before Ava: It really was Ava: remember when I got hit by that cyclist? Grace: that was so wild! OH was he the 🚴??? Ava: 😂 Ava: Imagine Grace: your otp Ava: But no, my parents were out of town Ava: and he came to the hospital, to make sure I was okay Ava: and he took me home and looked after me Grace: I'm like about to cry???!!! that's so Grace: 😍😍 Ava: Me too Ava: and of course, I had to go on Holiday like immediately after so that was shit but since then we've been talking and Ava: he's divorcing his wife Grace: I TOLD YOU HE WAS PURE Ava: I know Ava: and I'm sorry I had to kinda lie to you Ava: but I accidentally let slip I had talked to you and he freaked and that's why he first left so Grace: Oh please, if I filmed a storytime about this ALL the comments would be calling me out as #fake Grace: I get it Ava: It does sound pretty unbelievable Ava: even more so if I actually tell you who he is Grace: are you GOING TO???!! 😱😱😱 Ava: May as well, I've had to tell Nancy Ava: Parents and Buster to go Grace: Ugh! so sorry babes Ava: I couldn't tell you before 'cos they kinda know him Ava: knew him Ava: he was one of Buster's friends from School Ava: and his crazy wife is the main girl who bullied Nancy so Ava: that was fun Grace: Really?! wtf Grace: Chelsea is like Grace: so weirdly small Ava: That's why we call 'em villages, even though you're in a big city, the actual communities are ridiculously close-knit, for better and worse Ava: oh and Ava: make it weirder still Ava: you remember that boy from my party, Teddy? Grace: UM obvs I never forget a 💋 Ava: Well, that's his brother Grace: !!!!!!!!!!!!! Grace: do they look alike cos 🧸 is 😍😍 like 🙏🙏 Ava: Kinda Ava: [sends a cute photo he would've been able to send to the fake profile] Grace: oh Grace: my Grace: god Ava: I know Ava: 😩😍 Grace: did he edit his 👀??! I'm so shook 💙 Ava: No, I've seen them up close Ava: they're actually that unreal Grace: I can't even Ava: Guess what Grace: ?? Ava: He said he loves me Grace: NO WAY Grace: 😭😭😭😭 Ava: I know, I know Ava: I can't even Grace: so are you like a thing™ now? Ava: Yeah Ava: that's why I'm telling everyone Grace: Your parents are gonna be so Ava: Ugh Ava: it's going to be a whole thing Ava: with all of them Grace: mhhmmm Grace: like I feel like I know the answer but how did Nancy take it?? Ava: She just Ava: does my head in at the best of times and this was no exception, sadly Grace: at least Buster can't be telling ANYONE how to live their lives Grace: especially 😍💖 Ava: Watch him try though Ava: I'm expecting it though, they'll have to get over it on their own time Grace: 🙄 Grace: I feel that, Ri always thinks she can tell me something Ava: It's so Grace: IKR Grace: full offense babes I'm gonna listen to Janis before you & like no Ava: It's gonna be hellish but they can't do anything about it Grace: 🙏💜🤞 Ava: unless they do in which case bye and feel free to go through my wardrobe 🤷 Grace: duh Grace: but watch me also take your man Ava: 😏 cheek Grace: my crazy would look 😇 next to his ex's Grace: love that for me Ava: 'Til I haunt you crazier Grace: so scared obvs Ava: 😒 Ava: I only just got him, you can't be stealing him Grace: so sorry but like gotta get the full set on that fam now Ava: You better 🙏 my parents take it that personal Grace: 😇🙏💜 Grace: Jesus is totally my bae so Ava: and God's favourite son Ava: leave mine alone 😉 Grace: 😂😂 Ava: So you're not mad at me now, yeah? Grace: lowkey 💔 but not mad Ava: awh please Grace: ILY bitch you know it Ava: ily too 💙 Grace: & now I don't have to 👻💔 his brother so Grace: no way he'll be hitting me up after this Ava: Oh yeah, you're welcome for doing your dirtywork Grace: 💜😂💜 Ava: Has he hit you up then? 👀 Grace: 🤐🤐🤐 Ava: After I just poured my heart out? Ava: Rudeness Grace: you're in a 📽🎞💖 I'm in a 📽🎞😱 starring my crazy Ava: Girl, please Grace: I'm so serious Grace: & so over it Ava: You're not crazy Grace: I'm not not Grace: ask gym boy, but like don't Ava: I'm not gonna sleuth on you, don't worry Grace: if you had you'd see 🧸 on my pics hitting the 💜 Ava: Cute Ava: he must like you or he'd air you Ava: it's not unheard of Grace: like I said, thanks for putting that work in for me babes Ava: 😒 why not talk to him Ava: you don't have to see him 24/7 Grace: well duh I'm not about to move in with you Grace: but that's not why I can't Ava: ? Grace: he's like Grace: & I'm like Grace: It's not gonna be a thing Ava: You can't be friends? Grace: 😂😂 no Grace: that's as terrifying OMG Ava: 🙄 he is NOT scary Ava: though he is gonna hate me now probably so loyalties Grace: UM yeah he is Grace: he's nice & so I'm scared of him Grace: @ gym boy too Ava: 🤔 Grace: ugh whatever Ava: You're a nice person, you should hang with other nice people Grace: 🙄🙄 Grace: I've got friends he doesn't need to be one Ava: Okay Ava: not my otp, not gonna push that hard Grace: or ours its fine Grace: he won't be 😭😭😭 Ava: 'Course Ava: gonna have bigger problems to deal with, lbr Ava: 😬 Grace: yeah exactly Grace: maybe we can bond when the wife murders you but like Grace: black isn't my fave tbh can't 🤞 I'll serve my best look Ava: Funny 😏 Ava: she's actually 'out of the country' rn so you should probably watch your back 🔪🔪 Grace: you're so not gonna come visit me now you're 😍😍😍 are you? Grace: are you even doing holiday 2? Ava: time is getting away from us Ava: summer holiday standard Ava: it lowkey has not been organized so god knows now, I wouldn't be mad if it didn't but I wouldn't not go, I guess Grace: depends how they take your homewrecker status Ava: Yep, cheers 👍 Grace: people are shady Ava: Sure Ava: but my actual friend friends will know what's up Ava: everyone else chats about us anyway Grace: true Grace: shoutout to the fam for that one Ava: at least this one is something I actually did so Ava: oh well Grace: anyone who has a clue about his ex will know it's not even you Grace: like sorry hun you killed that 💍 yourself Ava: I'm not too fussed, it's my last year 💁 Grace: #priorities Ava: Exactly Grace: still so triggered by the idea of going back though thanks Grace: school is the WORST Ava: tell me about it Ava: won't miss that place Ava: Chelsea in general moreso but it isn't like I'll be a million miles away Grace: unlike me always a ✈ away Ava: Do you reckon you'll stay in Dublin? Grace: I guess Grace: where else would I go? Ava: You aren't going to make like Billie and Nancy and bounce then? Grace: being a or sleeping with models isn't very likely for me, babes Ava: Models are usually weird looking anyways Ava: oops accidental shade at your sister 🙊 Ava: don't tell Grace: thanks? I think Grace: shade her all you want, I'm about it Ava: How many times have you seen her kid? Grace: Like none Grace: we might get christmas but Ava: this family is messy Ava: watch me get lectured like it ain't Grace: preach Grace: maybe I shouldn't stay here Ava: you could stay or go wherever Ava: everywhere needs beauticians Grace: not Chelsea though, I'd run into your boyfriend's wife Grace: obvs can't escape anyone there Ava: 😂 truly Ava: I don't wanna be far away from the fam Ava: cracked as they are Ava: but that's just me Ava: I guess it isn't automatically selfish to move yourself halfway 'cross the globe hmm Grace: same though, I even miss Junie & like ?? why Grace: never saw him when we lived in the same house Ava: yeah Ava: that whole situation still fucks me off I Ava: idk Ava: I know it's not the kid's fault but I can barely even look at pictures of her Grace: Ri never should've done it Grace: like he didn't need a kid that bad Grace: obvs he didn't actually need one at all but nobody NEEDS one Ava: If they'd been together any amount of time Ava: Junior wasn't 20 fucking years old Ava: it was really stupid Ava: Buster said but oh well Grace: Demi is so Grace: I can't Ava: This family can't seem to help but add more fucked up people into its sphere Ava: like Ro hadn't just brought Drew back, AGAIN Grace: Getting pregnant by accident is one thing, like it's stupid but okay Grace: they planned that Ava: This family has way too many baby hangups dating back to nan Ava: can't blame her for all of this but break the cycle, someone, damn Grace: literally had my contraception on 🔒 since I was 13 thank you Ava: 'Accident' is some bullshit 9/10 times tbh Ava: you knew it was a matter of time, even if you don't know you knew it Grace: @ my mum & dad so hard Ava: and mine, they say the twins were an accident but they probably would've broke up if they hadn't have had them at that time so Grace: mhmmm Ava: ugh Ava: I'm just heated knowing how hard I'm gonna have to defend this Ava: like I've got myself pregnant Grace: don't even joke, she trapped that poor boy so hard like Ava: seriously, he probably never wants kids again Ava: not that I've asked because it's been like a month or so and I'm not psychotic, thanks Grace: do you? not now obvs Ava: I don't know Ava: like, don't tell my mother but I don't actually meticulously plan every aspect of my life Ava: if I ended up at a place and time in my life where it felt right, I could see it Ava: but if I ended up living a different life where they wouldn't fit, I wouldn't and I wouldn't be 💔 about that Grace: 😂🤐 Ava: Do you? Grace: girl, I'm too freaked out to let a boy date me, I don't think it's gonna happen Ava: you won't be 16 forever Ava: and if Ro can manage it Ava: your mum and Drew are probably the only people to see her vaguely undressed in her life Grace: idk sometimes it's all I want & sometimes it's the WORST thing I could think of Ava: I get that Ava: I don't think its a thing you can overthink, 'cos it's not usually right or wrong Ava: so people just do it and have to deal, better or worse Grace: Yeah Grace: maybe I'll get like that with dating Grace: or you know, get so lonely that I won't care that people always leave Ava: 😔 Ava: You'll get there, whether there is living your best life with or without Ava: I'm defs getting left after this fiasco so I'll come 😭 to you in a few no doubt Ava: we're walking Frank rn, so gonna enjoy this whilst it lasts 👌🥰 Grace: UM no! He LOVES you remember, you'll come at me with your 😍 more like Ava: 🤞🤞 Grace: 🙏💜

[madphantom]

The Sound of Life - Chapter 13

During that time they also spent a few days on the set of Phantom. Jessica Harper, who played Phoenix, showed them around. William Finley was busy with his headaches. Winslow met him in the cafeteria where the actor was sitting with an ice pack on his head. He was wearing the leather outfit, but no make-up and his hair was messy.

"Hi," Winslow greeted him.

"Hi," William replied with a weak smile. "Jeez, how did you survive that helmet?! It's killing me!"

Winslow laughed. "I didn't really pay attention to that."

William chuckled. "I can imagine that." He put the ice pack down and sighed. "So, how you been doing?"

"Quite well. I met Michael Jackson a while ago."

William raised his eyebrows. "Really? Awesome."

"And you?"

"Yeah, well, most of the time I've been shooting the stuff here." William laughed. "I hope I'll get it right. I tend to act rather dramatically."

"Well, I am drama in person, so don't worry about that." Winslow grinned. "What are you guys shooting today?"

"The Beef scene. Kinda controversial stuff."

Winslow raised an eyebrow.

"Of course we're all rooting for you, man," William quickly assured him.

Winslow smiled. "I haven't met your Beef yet. What's his name?"

"Oh, it's Gerrit. Gerrit Graham. Funny guy." William laughed. "The cast gave him the plunger as a Christmas present. We painted it gold."

Winslow laughed as well. "A golden plunger?! How many times did you shove that thing in his face during the shower scene?"

A smile spread on William's face. "Six times."

"Six times?!" Winslow laughed. "Oh dear."

"It was a lot of fun."

"Oh, I believe that." Winslow chuckled.

The door opened and Phoenix and Jessica came in. Phoenix was holding Melody.

"A baby!", William squealed as soon as he spotted them.

"You mean me or Leach Junior?", Jessica asked.

"The cuter one."

"That would be me," Phoenix said and sat down next to Winslow. She smiled. "Hi William. Cool costume."

"Thanks."

"You look like my Pa," Melody said.

William laughed. "I hope so!"

The door opened and another actor walked in.

"Hi Gerrit!", Jessica greeted him and Winslow turned around.

Gerrit did not quite look like Beef, but Winslow was secretly happy about that. He wasn't sure whether someone who actually looked the same wouldn't have triggered something in him.

"Stay away from me, I'm having a cold!", Gerrit announced. "Hi Mr Leach, Mrs Leach. I'm Gerrit Graham."

"Hi."

"Hi."

"Brian asked me to tell you guys to buy some junk food."

Jessica jumped up and did a little chicken dance. "Junk food night!"

"Hyping us up before the Life at Last scene," Gerrit explained.

"Sounds like Brian," William laughed.

"Put on your shoes, Will, we're going shopping!", Jessica yelled.

What followed was a bizarre scene that could have been straight from a comedy movie. The cast, still in their costumes, and the Leaches marched out of the Majestic. People turned around in surprise. Somebody yelled "Hey, look, it's Winslow Leach!" He signed a couple autographs and the squad entered the supermarket. They marched straight into the candy aisle.

Five minutes later they left with five bags full of crisps, popcorn, chocolate and cookies.

They watched the final product a couple weeks later in a small room with a projector at Paul Hirsch's. Melody was at Lucy's. Phoenix and Winslow didn't think the movie would be suitable for a seven year old. Brian brought popcorn. Gerrit brought Pepsi. They all sat down comfortably and Paul Hirsch clicked play.

The movie started with a narration about Swan read by Rod Serling. Winslow raised an eyebrow. "Wow. You actually got the guy to do this?"

"He loved it," Brian replied.

The black background with the white bird then faded into the Juicy Fruits performing Goodbye Eddie Goodbye. It was obvious they were enjoying themselves a lot. Winslow had a good laugh at William's face in the poster scene.

"The Juicy Winslow Leach at the piano," Phoenix commented and the crew laughed.

The movie proceeded with Philbin and Swan discussing some evil plan in their box.

"I actually have no idea what they were talking about," Winslow noted. "Might as well have been the weather."

"Probably not," Jeffrey commented.

Everyone agreed that the shot with the camera circling around William playing the piano was great. They had a good laugh about his dramatic headbanging.

"I was lucky my glasses didn't fly off," the actor chuckled.

The next scene was Philbin stealing Winslow's music. George Memmoli played his part really well. And Winslow laughed like crazy at the way William pushed "Philbin" against the wall and the sound of shattering glass in the background.

What followed was Winslow being thrown out of Death Records. Brian complained about the Swan Song fiasco with Led Zeppelin. Then came the scene in which Winslow met Phoenix. Both leaned forward.

"This is gonna be interesting," Phoenix commented. This was followed by a "Jessie, your singing is amazing, by the way."

"Thanks," Jessica smiled.

"Your chemistry is on top," Winslow noted during the scene. "Ten of ten."

Phoenix laughed at Jessica's confused face after William flashed her with "I would never let my personal desires influence my aesthetic judgement". "Yes, I probably looked like that!"

"You did," Winslow confirmed.

Later they had another good laugh at William in a flower dress trying to sneak in. "I wish I'd witnessed that happening!", Harold yelled. Then Paul appeared.

Winslow was honestly impressed. The friendly little man had perfectly embodied Swan. This guy who was frequently referred to as the Human Muppet had captured the evil spirit like he'd been destined to play Swan. Winslow shivered. He wasn't the only one.

"Was that really acting?", Archie asked.

"Hopefully," Jeffrey mumbled.

"I don't want to know what ancient evils we unleashed," Harold said.

Paul just laughed. "Who knows."

The next scene was the cops finding a beaten up Winslow. This was followed by William dramatically yelling into the camera that he was innocent.

"That was brilliant," Winslow commented. "Perfectly on point!"

"You have no idea how many shots this face took me," William replied.

Next up came some evil little man announcing that Winslow's teeth would be pulled. The real Winslow bared his teeth and pulled a werewolf number which caused some giggles.

The scene then faded into Winslow's escape from Sing Sing prison. William quickly told an anecdote about all the times the scene with the box had gone wrong while Winslow's on-screen counterpart raged through Death Records.

Winslow knew what was coming up now and so did Phoenix. He suddenly felt her hand in his and turned his head a little to see her giving him a little reassuring smile. He was well aware that she was afraid that the following scene would trigger something in him.

It didn't. William saved the day. As soon as he realized what a bomb was about to hit he burst out dramatically explaining how the scene had almost gone wrong and how he almost became Winslow's "Exact Doppelganger". Winslow objectively admired William's remarkable acting skills and secretly wondered why the actor wasn't famous yet.

The next scene caused Brian to explain why the split screen he'd used was a stroke of genius. The crew listened in amusement until the bomb exploded.

Next up came a bit with Swan in his office and then Winslow confronting him. The height difference between William and Paul was utterly hilarious. The scene was followed by Jessica singing Special to me for the audition. Everyone marveled at how similar her voice was to Phoenix'.

Then came the scene in which Swan adjusted Winslow's voice box and made Winslow sign the contract. Next up Paul singing Phantom's Theme with montages of William and Jessica with a black background. It looked wonderfully dramatic.

The next trigger came up now. It was Beef.

Thanks to the fact that Gerrit didn't look quite exactly like Beef Winslow relaxed again. However, he had to admit that accent and attitude were on point. Gerrit blushed when he told him.

There was the epic scream scene which caused Winslow's to have a laughing flash at the drama of William's acting. During the shower scene Gerrit mentioned that he did not recommend snorting powdered lactose. His acting in that scene and the next one were hilarious. Then Harold performed Somebody Super Like You followed by Life at Last and during Life at Last Winslow excused himself for a few minutes and left to prevent himself from getting a panic attack. He came back in to George Memmoli yelling "Somebody get a fire extinguisher!" and thoroughly enjoyed the Old Souls and dressing room scene, as well as the first rooftop scene. During the second rooftop scene Phoenix wrapped herself around Winslow, who made it a point to marvel at William's acting and compliment him on it until the actor was blushing.

What followed was Paul confronting William. Again everyone was crazed at how this human muppet played Swan. Then came the tape room and the wedding, and after a very dramatic death scene for Swan they got the ending which was slightly differing from reality: Winslow's death.

Phoenix laughed at how Jessica managed to look so desperate. "I just thought of school," Jessica commented. Winslow was delighted by the dramatic ending scene with the flaming bird sealing William's doom. "Awesome. Perfect. Like, really perfect. Great job."

"Release?", Brian asked.

"Hell yeah, release!"