#if you want to discuss anything i'm up for it

[steadybear]

“ 𝐮𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐯𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 “

𝐩𝐫𝗼𝗺𝐩𝐭 : 𝗺𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐥𝐲 𝐲𝐚𝐧! 𝐝𝐚𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐧𝐠 𝐠𝗼𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝗼 𝐚𝐧 𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝗺𝐢𝐝 𝐜𝗼𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐢𝗼𝐧

Content warnings : nsfw content ahead, 18+ 𝐌𝐃𝐍𝐈, dragon anatomy..., breeding kink, unsafe sex (don't be silly, wrap up your willy), yandere themes, implied intent to baby trap, mlm, bl, gay sex, anal sex, idk if this counts as dubcon on either end??? (reader says no a lot but it's out of respect for dan heng rather than not wanting to????" ~7.5k words? (don't quote me, I'm guesstimating)

“ new contact noted! caller 𝚒𝚕 𝚍𝚊𝚗 𝚑𝚎𝚗𝚐 has been added to your phonebook - love, 𝑜𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑡𝑜𝑟 𝑡-19 “

𝙳𝚊𝚗 𝙷𝚎𝚗𝚐 had what he would call a one-sided crush on a particular resesrcher he conversed with on Herta’s Space Station for a little while

Others, however, would say he had an unhealthy attachment to one of the shining stars of the station, specifically one that specialized in areas of study related to geneology

"Please remember, this conversation isn't meant to make you feel uncomfortable in any way possible, I understand the questions we're moving onto may be..." Your fingers halted on your keyboard, mulling over your choice of words carefully. ..."uncomfortable to answer or inappropriate to ask." You finally pried your eyes away from your screen to make eye contact with the archivist. "So, please, please, feel free to decline to answer any questions, ask to take a break, or end the questions entirely."

How lovely; that you were so oblivious, Dan Heng noted in his mind. He'd been clearly eyeing you up over the table for the entire hour the two of you had discussed the history of the Vidyadhara. Yet, despite the glances you stole at him to make occasional eye contact while you took your notes, you had yet to notice anything amiss.

Not the abundance of information flowing past his lips, eager to please and more than willing to tell you anything and everything you wanted to hear from him; not the hopelessly lost look in his eyes, turquoise tracing each and every little different movement you made as you typed away; not even the clear and obvious rubbing of his thighs together; the clammy, shaky nature of his hands and each and every one of their careful movements; not even the obvious red hue that blotted his cheeks and flushed the tips of his pointy ears a bashful pink.

"Of course."

You nodded, a silent acknowledgement as you consulted a clipboard you'd pushed off to the side for the relevant questions you'd been meaning to ask. "You stated previously that the extent any Vidyadhara manifests more draconic features is reliant on their previous lives, is there any distinctions between those who outwardly display these traits?"

"Yes, no new Vidyadharas can be born, only through rebirth do any vidyadhara children come to be." He bit his lip, letting his thoughts ruminate, "Because of this, those who hold certain titles and authorities maintain this authority in all of their lives once they've regained memories of their past. While there are distinctions between Vidyadharas, it's not so much based on how we present but how we present is related to how strong our affinity is to certain rites and abilities related to our predecessors."

He tried to wipe his clammy hands off on his pants, but felt no relief at all. There was some kind of anxiety brewing inside of him and he couldn't pin what was causing it. It didn't help that you were moving onto the biology section of your questions, intimate knowledge of his body that nobody else knew. It brought him some comfort that your own cheeks were tinted a light pink out of general embarrassment.

He felt himself settle down more, but he also knew these would be the easy questions. It wasn't as though things would get more simple, to come up with complex questions, you'd need to know the basics.

Aeons, the things he would do just to steal your attention for just a few, fleeting moments.

Dan Heng's stomach dropped.

It shouldn't have showed up for at least another month, he realized. There hadn't been any sign of his heat rearing its ugly head in the slightest as of late.

He would know, he consistently tracked any and all symptoms for cases like this. He dreaded the idea of being stuck on a trailblazing mission and suddenly going into heat, but this was arguably a million times worse.

Dan Heng's idea of the most attractive man in the cosmos, sitting across from him with only a small coffee table separating them. He'd let out his horns and tails so you could sketch them down on a spare sheet of paper and you were far too close for his self-restraint's comfort. He carefully licked over his teeth in his mouth, hoping to find some kind of way to slip away from the conversation in due time. However, all hopes of this were dashed when you sheepishly made a small request of him.

"Do you think I could get a look at your fangs?"

He felt his entire body light aflame with red, hot desire tucked beneath a careful casing of embarrassment entwined with dread.

Upon noticing his apprehension, you were careful to notify him that he didn't need to do anything for you in the slightest. "I understand if that's uncomfortable, I would never want to force you to do anything that would cross any boundaries of yours. You can say-"

"Sure."

You blinked at him owlishly, snapping your jaw shut quietly. Doing your best to not miss a beat or make Dan Heng uncomfortable, you tried (and failed) to regain your composure and reinstate your more professional demeanor. Much to your chagrin, your pink cheeks and stammering gave you away. "Oh, I, uh, Alright-" you cleared your throat, gazing down at your clipboard nervously, "Whenever you're ready."

He opened his mouth slowly, allowing his fangs to be put on full display. His breath hitched in his mouth when you stood up from the couch across from him to sitting on the couch next to him. He could feel his heartbeat picking up and more heat pooling between his thighs when you started scooting in closer.

He squirmed under your watchful eyes, pitifully aroused and unbearably hot, but unable to do anything about it. You made quick work of sketching the basics of his dental layout, noting sharper fangs but also his forked tongue. You made a quiet observation, but you were hesitant to ask for further clarification.

"I- Nevermind."

Dan Heng did his best to keep his voice and breathing steady, but he couldn't help the tremble in his voice when he asked "What is it?"

You shook your head, "Your dental structure and the curvature of your fangs is similar to that of a few snake species I've had the ability to work with." You hesitated again to continue. But the sharp turquoise eyes on you made you feel an obligation to explain yourself, "I wanted to see if you, well, if you might have a Jacobson's organ but-" you cut yourself off again. You bit the inside of your cheek, squeezing out the last bit of your explanation quickly, "the location of the organ is in a bit of a compromising positions and it'd be so, so inappropriate of me to ask if I could see it-"

"I'm fine with that."

You froze, your face erupting in a flaming red as you stuttered over yourself, trying to explain the implications of looking at someone's Jacobson Organ. The little sadist in Dan Heng's heart was ecstatic to watch you get flustered, to watch you try to be as respectful as possible and keep that platonic wall firmly between the two of you.

He could feel it slowly starting to crack, continuing to shift in his seat as he waited for you to quiet down and actually get on with it. He murmured out a quiet affirmation that he truly was fine with it.

"I know what it means to look at it, I'm telling you I don't mind."

You averted eye contact for a moment before gulping down some spit and carefully setting your pen down on your clipboard, you hesitantly reached towards his face. You stopped about a foot away, inquiring meekly, "May I?"

He was quick to nod, a little too quick to be completely innocent. You didn't seem to pick up on it though, capturing his jaw between your pointer finger and thumb. He relished the skin on skin contact, drunk on the way your skin felt cool and welcoming on his own burning temperature.

You tilted his head up to get a look at the roof of his mouth, spotting the small mass behind the top front row of his teeth. You did your best to make quick observations so you didn't need to embarrass dan heng anymore than he most likely already was.

He, on the other hand, didn't want the moment to end. You were so close to him, your face just barely a foot away from his, looking at an intimate part of his anatomy. His eyes were half-lidded, sweat accumulating on his forehead rapidly. He didn't know why he didn't check out of the questionnaire the moment he knew his heat was coming on, but somewhere in the haze of his brain there was a small inkling as to why.

The longer your hand lingered on his chin, he could feel your pheromones start to waft up his nose and it was getting hard to see straight. The Jacobson's Organ itself was an organ meant to signal and interpret both signs of aggressive from others of your species, but also to signal a willingness to mate. Dan Heng's was sending electric signals pulsing through his cranium every second you peered at it from his jaw.

When your hand tried to retract from his jaw, he grabbed your wrist and pressed it onto his cheek.

It was only then you realized just how quickly his skin was rising in temperature.

He writhed on your mattress, your smell wafting addictively through the air as he did his best to peel his clothes off. He wasn't having much success, the sweat having just about fused it with his skin. You had rushed off earlier somewhere with a few words he couldn't hear over the pounding of his heart in his ears.

He only managed to yank off his large overcoat and kick off his shoes and socks when you returned to the room. He was fumbling with various buttons and zippers on his top when you burst through your bedroom door with just about as many pillows and blankets as you could find in the short time you were gone.

You were fumbling over your words apologizing for not realizing sooner, saying you assumed Vidyadhara didn't have heat periods because they reproduced asexually. Your voice was in one ear and out the other as his fingers weakly and clumsily tried to pull his shirt over his head, but he noted that your arms were loaded to the brim with plush, soft, luxury pillows and blankets.

Nesting materials.

He was growing more and more desperate to get his clothes off of him as you dropped the pillows and blankets on the bed, apologizing over and over with a red face. He gave a needy huff when his fingers dropped the clasp of his shirt again. He couldn't get it off of him and he could feel frustrated tears settling in.

That was, until you started helping him out of his clothes.

You noticed his struggles and tentatively asked him if he needed help in this honey sweet voice, always stopping between each and every article of clothing you tenderly stripped off of him to make sure he was sure he was okay with you helping him out.

Soon enough he was left in nothing but his boxers as you excused yourself to start building up his nest for his comfort. You promised him you'd contact Caelus or someone else from the express to pick him up or at the very least explain the situation. He didn't answer, just about writhing in the middle of the bed, mind going fuzzy with the overwhelming feeling of you surrounding him.

He felt comfortable as he watched the plush walls being built around him, clutching on your blanket in particular as he could feel his hips begin rutting pathetically against the mattress. He buried his face in the soft fabric to try and hide his shame, all while huffing in your scent like cocaine.

Too many sensations, to many sounds, to many smells, his body concluded; throwing him into a haze of seeking blind release on your blanket. He hadn't even noticed you calling for his attention from next to your nightstand, setting down a pager and some water.

"-an Heng! Dan Heng!"

He finally snapped his eyes up to gaze at you, a little bit of drool leaking from the corner of his mouth and his eyes glassy.

You gulped down some saliva to wet your dry throat before continuing, "I'm leaving, but there's a pager on the nightstand if you need anything."

There was some kind of deep noise that escaped from his throat, at the thought of you leaving. "Where are you going?"

You raised a hand, trying your best to dissuade his worries. "I'm at fault for this mess, I can just crash in Arlan's room or find a temporary one. I can't possibly ask you to move during your heat period."

He dragged himself closer to the edge of the bed, closer to you, as he tried his best to stop his hips from rutting against the wall of pillows and blankets you hastily built up for him. "You can st-stay." There was rumbling in his throat, one you realized was purring. He was trying to entice you into bed with him.

Your face pulsed a deep crimson as you vehemently shook your head, "You aren't in your right mind, I would never even think of taking advan-"

He whined, grabbing blindly for your arms as his hips started to move against the wall of pillows. "Need- Need something, someone, need you-" he cut himself off with a curse as he felt a growing knot of arousal build up more in his stomach.

At this point he was pulling on your arms, trying to pull you in closer, down into the nest. His torso lunging forward to press his face into the skin of your neck, he was just about whimpering directly into your ear while humping the bed.

"D-Dan Heng, you're in heat, I couldn't do something like that to you-" you stammered, trying to draw away from him. His insistent groveling was starting to get to you.

He tried pulling you down into the nest again, hands reaching up to your shoulders to push off the pristine white coat you usually wore. His little whimpers were growing desperate, practically begging for you to take care of him.

Your hands gripped his wrists, sending another spark of arousal up his spine, he couldn't even hear your next words, "This isn't right, you probably wouldn't be talking to me like this if you weren't in heat."

His thighs shook under him, looking at you with half-lidded eyes as you put your coat back on your shoulders so you could leave. "Wait-Wait, please don't go- ah~"

"If you need anything, I left a pager on the nightstand. When your heat is over we can talk-"

He whined his protests, but you adamantly let go of his wrists and he could feel himself getting more and more desperate to keep you in his nest as your delicious scent wafted away from him. "I think of you so, so muchhhsh, it's not just the heat." He mewled when he brought your blanket to his nose.

He let out an unintentional purr when you stopped just short distance away from your door. You turned to look at him. He pushed his hips against the fabric of the blanket and the sheets, already soaking both his boxers and your precious blanket with the scent of sex. "Y-You never talk to me unless you need to know something- agh~" his hips stuttered against the mattress again. "Have you ever considered my feelings?" He let out another moan when he ground particularly hard into the bed.

"What are you talking about?"

He keened when he felt your attention on him again, really playing up the pathetic act he was putting on. "Twice a year- hah~" he practically melted against your bed when he found the right angle to move his hips at, picking up the pace quickly. "-you're all I can think about. Alone in my room while the others are gone and I'm making a mess of myself."

He let out another drawn out whimper when you stepped closer to the bed, "Y-You never even spared me more than a glance- hngh~" he grunted when your blanket slid against the mess he was making of your bed, "I wanted you soooo ba-had~"

He crawled over to the edge of his nest to where you were standing, doing his best to reach out to you and make some kind of contact with your skin. "I want you- mmmnnhg~ right now, I n-need you here-" he gave a whine when you interlaced your fingers with him, his hips growing faster against the wall of the nest. "I want y-your, ouhh~, want your heellpppp-"

You considered your options carefully. Dan Heng certainly wasn't bad looking, in fact, you could feel yourself getting a less than respectable boner at the sight of him basically bashing his hips against your blanket. You had his prior consent, knowledge of an... intimate attraction at the very least. Last but not least, you felt partially responsible for the state he was in, despite his heat cycle having nothing to do with you.

You sighed, biting the inside of your cheek as Dan Heng put the hand intertwined with his own to his nose, sucking in the smell of your skin harshly. He was basically having the time of his life, eyes squeezed shut and his grunts and groans getting pitchier and pitchier with each passing moment.

You supposed you had to take responsibility for his little mess.

You let out a little groan of pain into his vent when he tugged harshly at your hair. He was just about jerking you further into his nether regions with one hand while he looped his fangs around one of his fingers on the other. His tail squeezed your upper bicep. You were laying on your stomach, going down on him with his legs thrown over you shoulders.

His little whimpers and whines weren't much to go off when it came to seeing what he liked most. Instead, you would go off the little things like the twitch of his thighs around your head or the way his hand tightened in your hair. There were actually a few things you figured out would get him to jerk his hips up into your mouth. Specifically, he really liked it when you managed to get your tongue inside his cloaca and tease the tips of his cocks.

You pulled your mouth off of his hips, relishing in his small protest. He keened, his hips chasing after your slick stained lips. You ignored his nonverbal begging for more, instead snuggly wrapping your biceps around his hips and squaring them back down on the pillow he was propped up on. You hadn't exactly done anything like this before, but that definitely didn't mean you weren't willing to learn.

Instead of going back in to continue teasing his slit, you focused your attention on what was slowly everting out of it. Your thumb traced over the slit of the dick that had just barely begun poking its head out his vent. You earned a muffled groan from Dan Heng, who was doing his best to muffle his noises on his finger. For his own dignity, you let him.

You tentatively licked over the tip just to gauge his sensitivity and were kindly rewarded with more of his cock sliding out and the second one just barely sliding emerging as well. The precum oozing off the tips tasted just like his slick, mouth numbingly sweet. It wasn't any kind of flavored sweet, actually it was almost like drinking a mouthful of sugar water; something you mentally took note of.

His fingers were just about digging into your scalp now, pushing your face down closer to him. He was trying to wiggle his hips up closer to your mouth, but your arms kept him firmly pressed down as you continued to mercilessly tease him. He sucked in a sharp breath when you finally took one in your mouth, going down slowly until your nose was flush with his pubic bone. You traced over the underside with an experimental flick of the tongue.

In turn, his thighs twitched to clamp your head in place, delivering a delicious pressure that kept you locked in between his legs. You felt the heel of his foot push into your back right between your shoulder blades. He tugged on your hair again, letting out a pathetic hiccup when you maneuvered your hand underneath his little leg lock to tease the opening of his vent.

He shivered deliciously when you groaned against him again, finally prying his thighs away from the sides of your head. You traced the outline of his cloaca slowly, sensually; causing his other hand to join in on tugging your head closer to his dripping sex. You rose off of his erection with plenty of spit and precum dangling from your lips, glinting in the low light.

His fingers carded through your hair as you finally got up from between his legs, crawling on top of him and pressing a chaste kiss to his forehead. Your breath was hot on his face and he could feel the sweat dripping on his brow as he locked his legs around your waist to pull you down on top of him.

One of your hands traced little patterns up the outside of his thigh and up to his little hip dips. You kept your voice low, trying not to overwhelm him since he was already trying to force his hips up higher to grind on your own erection. "As much as I'd love to keep going like we were, I want to hear what you want to do."

He seemed to lack the ability to answer, coherent thoughts transitioning to jumbled syllables and begging the moment they moved past his lips. He finally managed to raise his hips high enough to rut on the inside of your thigh, tears slowly welling up in his eyes. He was getting overwhelmed, your scent and your touch and the things you were making him feel drowned him in an ocean of white hot flames, boiling him alive with all the sensations sending a pleasant buzz through all of his nerves.

"Hm? Dan heng?" You cooed into his ear, he took in a sharp inhale, letting out a breathy huff in response. He kept rutting up against the inside of your thigh, his dicks standing at full attention and weeping precum all over your skin. Once again, he couldn't respond, letting out little huffs and groans into your neck while he tried to chase the feeling of completion.

You used the hand that was gently caressing his thigh to push his hips back down towards the bed. Chastising him gently for not answering you, "C'mon, I can't help you if you don't tell me how I can help, sweetheart."

He could feel the hot wet trails of tears running down his face as he started crying. He sniffled pathetically as his hips struggled against the strength of your arm keeping them pinned down by the waist. His hands moved from your hair to your shoulders, trying to use them to get more leverage to try and fight against your grip. "I- I-"

"Yes?" You purred, placing a kiss to the side of his neck. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, eyelids fluttering shut as he tried to put more effort towards thinking. "What do you want from me, Heng?"

He whimpered at the mention of his name, "I don't know- I don't know-" he hiccupped, his fingernails leaving crescent marks in your shoulders, "I want to feel good, I-" a sniffle, "-touch me, please touch me agaainn..."

"Good," your murmured against his skin, "Just a little bit more, you're being so good for me," you placed a few more kisses up his neck until you met his jawline, "Where do you want me to touch you? How do you want me to touch you?"

His tail squeezed around your thigh, shaking as tried to ground himself enough to answer. He pressed his foot further into your back to bring your body down closer. He whimpered, "-Inside" his fingers trailed up to your jawline, "I- I want it inside." He held your face in his hands to make eye contact with him.

In all his teary eyed glory, you still managed to find the willpower to hold back and tease him just a little more, "What do you want inside?" He whined, roughly bringing your forehead to touch his. You pressed an innocent peck to his lips, "Last question, Heng, What do you want inside?"

He keened, chasing after your lips, almost yelling against your mouth, "YOU! I want YOU insiiihiidddeee~"

You curse against his lips, "...ah fuck," you suck a sharp breath between your teeth. You dot kisses on his face, holding him in a soft missionary. "How are you feeling, sweetheart?" You were scared to hurt him, trying to help him relax a little bit.

Dan Heng, on the other hand, was barely cognizant, eyes squeezed shut as little tears poured down the sides of his face. Was it from the pain? No, rather it was from relief.

"good, good, so good-" he babbled, arms looped around your neck as he tried to push himself backwards and further up on the pillow propped under his pelvis.

You gently stroked his hair away from his face, thumbing away the tears on his cheek. You gently pushed another couple of inches into him, causing him to let out a shaky moan. You kissed him on his sweat-caked forehead, shushing him as he cried pathetically underneath you. "You're doing so good, such a good boy, almost there, promise."

"Ahnnn~" he squirmed under the praise, drool leaking from the corner of his mouth, "deeper, please," he sniffled, "-please, deeper,"

You nodded, starting to push just a little bit in further, stopping when his tail smacked unceremoniously against your back. His back arched up against the bed in an open mouthed scream, just about seeing stars when you brushed past his prostate. He kept drooling, hiccupping and whining for you to keep going.

You finally bottomed out, ultimately noticing just the smallest bump protruding on his mid-section. His hands were scratching lines down your back, his mouth pressed shut tight and his jaw tense. Tears continued to stream down the side of his face as muffled murmurs and whimpers bounced around the inside of his taut lips.

You latched onto the side of his neck, placing a delicate kiss before starting to suck a light hickey into his pale, pale skin. He shuddered under the simple touch, a broken, humiliating purr resonating from his throat.

He sniffled again, sobbing, "P-Please, just move, I can't wait- ouhhh~"

You unlatched from his neck, kissing the just barely red skin gently before drawing your hips away from his pelvis. He let out a long drawn out moan, his voice cracking in the middle of it. You pulled until your length was about halfway out, snapping your hips forward as gently as you could.

He let out a yelp, thighs twitching and clamping down on both sides of your waist. After a small pause, you repeated the same thing, earning another broken squeak. You set the pace slower just so you knew Dan Heng wouldn't be too overwhelmed. He laid there, largely limp for a short period of time, voice cracking and tears streaming down the sides of his face.

Eventually, when he seemed to get used to the feeling, his broken moans turned into purrs and huffy groans. His hips started to rock back against yours, hands balling up and relaxing into fists behind your neck. He reached for your face, a little bit less out of it and pulled you in for a sloppy kiss.

The first thing you were met with was his teeth clacking against yours before his long forked tongue ran over your bottom lip. You teasingly nipped at his lip, earning a purr as he parted his tips more the let you take control of the kiss.

It was around then that you got a more devious idea. You played nice to begin with, feeling around the inside of his mouth with your tongue, but eventually, when his whines started to get louder, you decided it'd be the right time to push him over the edge. Cheekily, you smiled into the kiss before pressing your tongue right on top of Dan Heng's Jacobson's organ.

You only had a split second to register that you'd actually done it before Dan Heng all but screamed into your mouth and the two of you were graced with white painting both of your chests.

You rocked your hips forward slowly working him through the intensity of it. You finally bottomed out again and stilled, pulling away from his lips.

To your surprise, however, Dan Heng's fingers moved from the back of your neck to tangling themselves in your hair. He was panting, teary eyes glassy and glazed as he pushed his chest closer to yours.

His lips parted, ghosting over your own lips as he begged, "Do that again, Ouh~ Please, please do that again, mhhhh~" His hips continued to rock back against yours but they weren't getting all that far; he was basically just grinding himself on the based of your cock.

You hesitated for a moment before tentatively locking lips with him again. At his insistence, you started to move again, but shallowly and slowly. He grunted into the kiss, tugging on your hair to show his disapproval. You huffed into the kiss before almost completely pulling out before shoving your hips forward harshly. He made a choked noise, just about having the wind knocked out of him at the sudden change.

You pulled away from the kiss, feeling a little mean as you rested your head in the crook of his neck. "Wow, I didn't know you could be so greedy, Heng. You already came once and you're begging me to go harder?"

"Please- hah~ please, I feel like I'm going crazy-"

You kissed the shell of his pointed ear, drinking in the little noise you got in response before humming and catching his lips again. Maintaining about the same pace as before, you started knocking the air of him continuously with each thrust. You started toying with the forked tongue in his mouth and slyly sliding your tongue over his fangs.

He let out a drawn out moan into the kiss, pushing his face against yours harder. He tried coaxing you further into his mouth, just about begging you to inject the bundle of nerves with just about the highest concentration of your pheromones he could get.

Still, you played hard to get, wrapping your tongue in his. In your focus on him, you didn't notice your pace was picking up as you got closer to your own orgasm. Eventually, when he gave a particularly harsh tug to your hair did you finally relent.

However, while you gave into tonguing over the roof on his mouth, you also wrapped a large hand around the two painfully red cocks bouncing against both of your stomachs. He squealed into your mouth, thighs trying to squeeze shut and protect himself from the onslaught of sensations. When he finally forgot his requests for you to put your tongue on the little bump on the roof of his mouth, did you let him have his way.

His eyes snapped open, pupils rolling up into his skull as you continued to stroke him and shove your tongue into the top of his mouth. He fell limp in your arms, fingers only staying attached to your hair because they'd just about knotted themselves in your locks.

You felt the pit in your own stomach starting to get tighter, eliciting a set of groans into Dan Heng. You sped up your pace, knocking Dan Heng out of his little stupor as his hands tugged about as hard on your hair as they could without pulling out any chunks. He was back to crying while you were just about fucking him open and drinking in the noises he was screaming out into your own mouth.

Finally, you let out a finally, deep, guttural moan as you bottomed out and finally spilled your seed inside of him. His back arched and his mouth fell open in a lewd moan, tongue lolling out of his mouth as he spurted all over your stomachs again.

"yesyesyesyesyesyes-umffff~"

You panted as you shoved his face into the pillow by the neck with one hand while the other carved bruises into his hips in the shape of your fingers. It'd been a couple hours later and Dan Heng was absolutely insatiable.

You supposed you should've expected it, seeing as he's in heat and all, but you didn't expect him to have nearly enough energy to keep going for the rest of the afternoon and into the early hours of the morning. Well, it was probably easier for him to keep going than you. After all, you were the one that was actually putting in the majority of effort to keep pile driving him into the sheets.

You grunted as you pressed your chest onto his back, watching the way his tail rattled in the air in contentment. Your hips were consistently slapping against his ass, his hands clutching at the pillow you'd shoved his face into mere seconds earlier.

His happy, fucked out noises were difficult to hear from the plush, comfortable pillows, but more audible now that you were closer to his face. You pressed a handful of kisses down his spine before reaching your hand around to his front. Originally, you were going to try and stroke him through another orgasm, but instead, the hand that was formerly on his neck ghosted over the bump you were creating in his stomach. He let out a noise into the pillow that was as delectable as sin. His entire body spasming when you applied pressure onto the same point.

After a couple of hours in, his cum had thinned to the point he was just shooting blanks at this point. His cock was an angry, crimson red from the amount of times it'd actually gotten off. Just like now, his entire body tensed, but nothing actually came out.

So instead, you pressed harder on the bulge, watching in delight how his body fell limp and he stopped rocking back to meet your rough, quick thrusts forward.

It was cute for the first couple of minutes, watching him weakly moan into the pillow and claw at the sheets underneath him to try and ground himself from the heaven you were currently sending him to. But as of now, your own hips were starting to get tired. Your thighs were burning after about three hours of copulation, but you also knew the moment you stopped, Dan Heng would be alert again, demanding your attention again. Sigh, so needy.

Taking matters into your own hands, quite literally actually, you traced up his stomach before curving it around to the side and resting it on his hips. You starting tugging his hips back onto your dick, listening to the sweet mewls he let out as he turned to press only one side of his face into the pillow.

Still not quite satisfied with the amount of friction generated from using his hips as handholds, you turned your attention to the rather large solution position just a few inches away on his spine.

A devious grin broke out on your face before you ghosting your hands over the base of it, taking special satisfaction from the way his eyes widened. The next moment, your hand was wrapped around his tail and his eyes were rolling back up into his skull, low moans turning into high pitched squeals as the end of his tail rather weakly whacked against your shoulder.

Once again, you were just so close to getting to your own peak, you meanly wrapped your other hand just above the other one, sending him jolting forward towards the headboard. He finally picked his front half up from the bed sheet and clutched the top of the headboard, resting his head on it as his nails dug into the wood. You were a little concerned when you heard it start to splinter, but you dismissed it for when your thoughts were cloudy with making sure Dan Heng definitely wouldn't be able to think about anyone else during any of his following heats.

Finally, the moment came when the pooling heat in your stomach exploded and unleashed another load inside of him, prompting him to scream as just the tiniest few drops of crystalline cum shot from his angry red tip.

Once again, when you stilled to try and catch your breath to see if Dan Heng was finally satisfied, the way he looked back at you, despite the drool dripping down his chin and dried tear tracks on his cheeks, was pleading with you to keep going. He punctuated it with pushing his hips back against your softening cock again.

Horny little bastard.

During the last few rounds, Dan Heng had started becoming rather verbal. Not to be confused with vocal, he was vocal since foreplay started. No, he started talking a lot the more and more energy you were losing.

At this point, you were much too worn out to wonder why. A few flitting thoughts trailed through your head, but were quickly knocked out of you the more you snapped your hips forward and the sweet sound of Dan Heng's hoarse cries replaced them.

"Sooo fullllll~" he mewled, riding slowly. The height he was rising was getting less and less as his pace was getting slower. His voice was slowly starting to slur the longer he was on top. He held an inflated stomach with one hand, using the other shaky arm to support himself on your chest.

Soon enough though, his arm gave out on him and let himself rest his head on your chest, hips still insisting on moving, though he was barely rising. "Ghonna get pregnaannnttt~" he purred into your ear. You lazily hummed an affirmation in his ear. Eyes half-lidded in exhaustion as you watched him use the last bit of energy he had to try and reach one more orgasm.

"Ghonna have your babyyy~" he cooed, his hips finally resting on your pelvis. He moved his pelvis in little circles, what little energy he had left diminishing exponentially the longer he went on. He whined out your name when your eyes shut.

"I'm listening, Dan Heng," you affirmed, sleeping hand coming to rest on the small of his back while the other cupped his cheek.

"You have to stay with me if I have your baby~" he complained, "you can't ever leave me."

You raised an eyebrow at his words, but chalked it up to a horny dragon that was giving into his mating instincts. "Yes, Heng. I won't leave you or the baby."

There was a weak purr that emitted from his throat, his hips finally stilling flush with your own. "Would jyou make me yohur wifeee..."

You hummed into his skin, "Mhm..." you rubbed a thumb across his cheek, letting him settle into his cute little domestic dream. "My pretty wife and our baby."

You could feel a smile stretch across his face against the skin on your chest. You absentmindedly ran your fingers through his hair. His hands pressed up against your abdomen, resting there as you felt him burrow his nose right in between your pectorals. "Prhomishe?"

You twirled a piece of his hair around your finger, mumbling out a half-awake, "Promise."

With that, you could feel his breathing relax and small snores emit from his mouth. Without moving all that much, your own arm lazily grabbed at a blanket, throwing it over the both of you before letting yourself also drift off into the land of dreams.

Before that though, there really was only one thing left on your mind...

How exactly were you supposed to survive the rest of his heat if this was going to be your everyday?

there a small note on the side of the phone booth, read it?

" i fear this is the filthiest thing I've ever written and I will be doing it again soon. "

feel free to submit requests (if you're interested) either on the post I provided or in my inbox, either works and I'll most likely get around to it eventually

if you also just want to chat, that is a-okay too, i need people to preread my stuff so if you're interested hmu

oh yeah, if you're interested in a follow-up/sequel to this, also let me know either through inbox or by leaving a note or reblog. I appreicate any and all interactions, largely cause interactions motivate me to actually write things instead of leaving it in the recesses of my brain.

- love, 𝑜𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑡𝑜𝑟 𝑡-19

[vexwerewolf]

hey, I saw a post reblogged around hating the whole idea of no kink at pride and wanted to understand why that was, but noticed the comments were turned off, so I'm asking here. for reference I dont know very much about the subject and had the general idea that pride should be an all ages space, BUT (the but is very important) since I dont have much knowledge on the subject and can see you are very opinionated around it, id like to know why that is your stance from, well, someone who actually holds that stance.

No pressure to answer I simply want to understand why others hold this stance, the potential history behind it and if I am looking at things the wrong way, a chance to change my opinion

I hope all of this comes across correctly because im not trying to start internet discourse, just learn and have a well rounded understanding of a subject before taking a more solid stance

CW: discussion of sex, homophobia, kink, common anti-kink lies

Okay so if you're not read up on queer history, you have to understand that "deviant," "indecent" or "degenerate" sexuality is an accusation that's been used to repress queer people for pretty much as long as the concept has existed. It has often extended so far as to encompass any form of sex that isn't missionary cishet boning for the purpose of procreation, but it has always and by definition encompassed any and all ways that queer people have sex.

Now, I want to be clear that the LGBTQ+ community is not entirely about sex. Our community touches love, passion, art, gaming, basically every sphere of human experience, but it also includes sex. A lot of queer people like to have sex! Queer people, however, are judged for having and enjoying sex in a way that straight people simply aren't.

It's important to note that the concept of "degeneracy" is a vital component to white supremacist repression of queer people, because it inserts the necessary moral proposition that allows sex between two consenting adults to be labelled as harmful. As cynical as I am about the general public, it's actually pretty difficult to convince the average person that gay sex is something the government needs to repress in and of itself; any argument to this effect needs to come packaged with an additional, vaguely credible concern about social corrosion.

This is much easier to do with kinksters, because kinksters are weirder-looking than shirt-and-slacks queers (who, to be clear, are equally valid). But it's still difficult to make the average member of the public balk, because they'll say "well that sure is freaky but so long as they're doing it in private, who gives a shit?" So long as the people you're trying to stir up hate against aren't doing anything illegal, the average member of the public is gonna think you're the weird one for digging into other peoples' private sex lives.

Thus, the easiest avenue of attack is Pride, where it isn't in private. But it's a fucking deceitful canard. Straight people never have to answer for public displays of their sexuality, which are often far more gratuitous than some dude walking around in a pup mask.

[ajortga]

i bet on losing dogs

pairing: cairo sweet x fem reader

summary: in which cairo's obsession for mr. miller drifts you two further apart, and you can't do anything about it.

word count: 4.2k+

warnings: angsty (not proud of it) toxic cairo, mentions of sex, mentions of teacher/student relationships

based off request!

-

Hey... Can I have a request?! Cairo Sweet x Fem!Reader

"I'm done waiting for you, Cairo."

Credits to: urfriendlywriter

-

Cairo was.. Honestly, you didn’t know how to explain to her. That’s just exactly how to describe her. She was indescribable. 

One moment in a day would you be like the teenage girl you are, in love. The beat in your heart would race, fluttering in your chest as she bit the eraser on her pencil, looking at you with eyes that made your legs feel like mush.

Then, another day you would feel hopeless. Helpless. Because the beautiful brown-eyed girl would leave you in the dust. 

She would sweep you off your feet, but never care enough to really catch you. Maybe that’s why you kept going back. To feel the thrill, to be loved for just a little moment with the girl you’ll love no matter what happens. 

But you had no cure, because she was so contagious. Addictive. She was like a drug that you couldn’t get enough of, yet there was no cure to make you stop. Cairo Sweet. It was in her name. Her genes. She was so syrupy sweet, you just couldn’t help it. You were too blinded to think properly. 

The amount of times Cairo swept your feet, you grew tired. Tired of her games, of her love that began to come off as a hoax. As much as you’d want to holler it out loud, you couldn’t say you were tired of her. Never. 

The countless moments where you were left in the dust, the rain. No seriously, the rain. 

-

“I’ll be there!” Cairo smiles, your grin wide. “I just need to discuss the essay for my final to Mr. Miller real quick. It should only take 8 minutes max.” The girl assures, rubbing your shoulder as you two e spend our lunch together. You lean into it. A part of you now wishes you could’ve changed it. Maybe you’d feel better not feeling the stabbing pain in your stomach.

“Okay,” you respond softly. “I can’t wait to work on that project with you! I think we’ll amaze her with our studies, then after you can spend the night and we can have ice cream!”

She laughs.

You can’t stop looking at her eyes. Syrupy sweet, not a hint of hesitance. She lifts a cigarette to her mouth, a soft smile on her face. Cairo nods, “We’ll outsmart the whole class with someone as smart as you,” she gives your nose a little boop with her finger before the bell rings.

Quickly, she packs her bags, stopping to look at you from time to time as she stuffs papers in it. Your eyes filled with expression, it comforts her to see the happiness that shines through them. It makes her smile too. 

..

The bell had rang, echoing through the hallways as the doors of classrooms slam open. The empty, hollow hallway is now bustling with everyone chattering and speaking to each other, giggling and laughing.

Winnie is by your side, the wavy hair girl walking with your arm linked to hers. “Cairo seems so into her final for Mr. Miller, don’t you think so?” She has the slightest accent, you slowly nod. 

“I guess so. She is a writer after all. Not to mention a talented one.” You go through the exits of Tennessee’s high school, stopping at one of the benches right at the exit. “I’m waiting here for Cairo, we’re going to finish our project, adding all the important stuff.” Winnie nods, handing you a lollipop as you take it. “Thanks.”

“See you, Y/N!”

You give her a small wave, watching her leave. 

…

It had been ten minutes since the bell rang, the students slowly beginning to die out. You’d call your mom once Cairo would come, you liked having conversations with her anyway. Chatters of students still quietly linger. You stand up, peeking through the gates, they’re closed.

Thirty minutes pass and a sigh escapes your lips, bored. Maybe Cairo is just having more questions to ask, like she always does. You plop the lollipop that Winnie gave you into your mouth, stuffing the wrapper in your jacket. 

It had been officially an hour and four minutes. You don’t even know why you waited this long. As if it couldn’t get any worse, rain begins to drizzle down, damping your hair. For the first time, Cairo left you out there, in the rain. You stare at your phone, gripping it so tightly that your knuckles spread to white. You try to wait for a text, anything so Cairo makes it aware that she’d be a little late, but it never comes. 

You call your mom, sniffling as you press your ear to the phone, kicking your feet across a puddle. You wipe your eyes, 

By the time your mom honks, waving you with a smile on your face, you weakly give one back, walking up to her. Wet clothes stuck to your figure, drenched and shaking. The look on her face gives it all, your mother sees through you no matter what. 

“Hi, honey. Where’s Cairo? Didn’t you say that she was going to come to ours today?”

You stiffen, throwing your soaked backpack in the backseat. Cairo didn’t even live that far. She always walks to school. “She’s busy,” you reply, turning away from her. You look out the window, sinking into your seat. “Like always.”

“But didn’t you two have that project, it’s due tomorrow, no?”

“Well she can’t make it, okay?” You mumble.

“Oh, well maybe she can come over some other time,” she leaves it at that. 

The more you think about Cairo, the more you feel sick, the lollipop disintegrated in your mouth.

You can’t help but feel the sweetness of the lollipop leave a new awful taste in your mouth. Your mouth fills with saliva, how it always does whenever you are upset. You swallow it down.

You did almost the whole project by yourself, you were up till 2AM.

So when school arrives the next day, you’re barely awake, turning it in and tired eyes completely avoiding Cairo’s gaze.

“8 minutes my ass,” you mutter while slamming the project into the turn-in basket.

-

From that day on, it just kept happening.

Like always, you somehow always manage to come back to Cairo. You can’t help it. To turn away those doe-like eyes makes you feel like you just murdered an innocent creature. 

Cairo Sweet. 

Sourness coats your tongue when her name rolls off of it. 

After countless stand-ups and sobbing in bed, even when you forgive her, you can sense that you two are drifting further apart. She’s been snapping at you a little more often, ignoring you sometimes, it makes you feel unloved. You don’t like it. You really don’t like it, yet you can’t stop it. 

“It’s that stupid final she’s doing, Winnie. Ever since Mr. Fucking Miller assigned to her, it’s like she hasn’t had time for anything. She only has the time when it comes to him, “ you rant, wiping your mascara stained eyes with your fingers. 

Winnie looks thoughtfully at you, a small frown tugging at her lips. She sighs, patting her thighs, “Come here, sweetheart.” 

When you crawl in between her and her comforter, she cuddles you. “Sometimes people are like that. They abandon things when they find a new thing to obsess over. Even when the things are the most important to them. It’s like they forget about what the thing did to make them feel so special and go running off to a new one because it makes them feel good.”

She strokes your hair as you sniffle into her neck. From her eyes, you looked so vulnerable. Like how you did when you first got into arguments with your parents. “I’m sure once that final is over, you two will be back into two peas in a pod. Three, including me at times,” she cracks a smile at you. 

You don’t respond, looking away, before mumbling, “Winnie, I don’t think it’s that final.”

“Yeah?”

“Cairo was writing about a prompt to answer what love was,” you look up at her, trying to make her understand. “I read some of it, and it was straight up smut, Winnie.”

You couldn’t believe it when you first read it. The way your eyebrows contorted, lips pursing into a tight line. You memorized one of the lines she wrote as you recited it out loud. “His fingers, long and ribbed, glistened with the arousal that gushed out of Alice’s heat like a riverbed-”

“Okay fuck that shit, who’s “he” exactly?”

“That’s the problem. It’s about a student-teacher relationship Winnie. The final isn’t the issue. She’s trying to convince herself that there's some connection between her and Mr. Miller.”

“That man is at least 80 years old-”

“50.”

“Whatever, but if Cairo is trying to experiment how far she can go with her charms. I’m going to be proud to take the trophy for who has the most reasonable crushes.”

“You cannot be talking right now Winnie.”

“Boris is a different story! But like, for anyone else, I’m an equal opportunist. I’d fuck you.”

“I know.”

“See, reasonable crushes.”

You roll your eyes, it doesn’t really make you feel better.

Winnie thinks for a moment, it’s silent, until you almost see a lightbulb flash above her head. “Cairo loves lantern festivals. She wouldn’t miss one for the world, what about this?..”

-

Your knee bounces up and down, waiting in your usual spot after school for Cairo. It’s the first bench under the tree. As you see her, you’re about to wave, until you see him. 

Mr. Miller walking Cairo out of his classroom, patting her shoulder before making eye contact with you briefly. You narrow your eyes as he gives a disgustingly sweet smile to her before turning away. You flip him off, like a fire burning behind your pupils.

Tell your baby that I'm your baby.

“Y/N!” she shouts, grinning as she walks up to you. “Hey!”

“Hi, Cairo.” you greet, offering to take her books, which she thanks.

“I’m almost done with my final essay for Mr. Miller. I think he’ll be able to write my letter of rec for college in the future. Probably going have to meet with him after school on some days.”

“Sounds fine,” you plainly respond, holding her books. “By the way, I was thinking that next Saturday we could spend some time together. Maybe Winnie can come too.”

The writer hums in contentment as you keep going, “I’ve never gone to a lantern festival before, and they’re holding one next week. It’s like 2 hours away and I really wanted to go with you.”

A flutter in your chest erupts as you see your favorite brown eyes shimmer. “Yeah,” she says, “Yes, I’d love to go with you!”

-

After the slow ticks of the clock and marks on the calendar, getting closer to the countdown, Saturday finally comes.

You hate the way it feels so long when you’re in school, waiting for the weekend, but it dashes by when summer break arrives. You especially hate it when you’re waiting for an event, it makes the time go by even slower.

Winnie kept patting your shoulder and teasing you about it. “Probably because you’re looking a bit too forward with spending time with Cairo.” She’d say. “I mean, I love lantern festivals! But you seem so much more excited than I am.”

An oversized tee gets draped over your figure, pairing it with blue jeans as you try to look decent before dashing out the house.

Your mom drives you, in which you're happily hoping to spend the night in Cairo’s bigger car. She told you she brought blankets and stuffies and everything. When you think about it, you grin through the refreshing breeze that blows in your hair.

“You seem extra happy, Sunshine,” your mom notices, smiling at you. “Just how I love you, always so bright.”

The afternoon sun illuminates through the city as minutes and hours pass, changing into a grassy meadow. You stick your head through the window, feeling alive every time the wind hits your hair. Everytime you close your eyes, you see the picture of endless floating lanterns lighting up the night sky. 

Like a scene out of Tangled.

You have to actually turn on the radio and sing your feelings out.

“Now she's here, shining in the starlight, Now she's here, suddenly I know. If she's here, it's crystal clear, I'm where I'm meant to go”

-

Two hours pass by, and you hop out of your mother’s car. “I’ll stay nearby, okay? Your aunt's house is only 25 minutes away.”

You nod, kissing her cheek goodbye as the clock hits 5:45. The grassy meadow surrounds you, slightly swaying from the breeze and glowing from the setting sun. You see people setting up their tents, so you lay down a towel and send Cairo a text.

y/n: hey! i’m here, i got us a seat. can’t wait to spend the night in your car!

Birds chirp along with the chatter of people around you. It soothes your body a little as you lean back and take a nap, your mind only on the excitement that you get to spend this moment with Cairo Sweet.

-

You wake up from the sound of fire crackling, your eyes adjusting to the lanterns that people are preparing to let go in about an hour and thirty, when the sun will completely set. The weather is cool, breezy, sunny, and the light blue sky plastered with fluffy clouds. You head to get some floating lanterns, noticing that Cairo isn’t here yet. Maybe it’s traffic.

A nagging feeling tugs in your gut as you hear the giggles of couples decorating the lanterns together.

As you head back with three large lanterns in your hand, you check your phone. No new messages, your shoulders fall to their sides, sighing.

“Y/N!” 

You immediately perk up from the call of your name, turning around and seeing Winnie, a bright smile on her face. You wave her over.

“Hi,” you say, looking at her hair that’s put down.

“Hey, cutie, what’s with the sour face?”

The silence is really all she needs as she goes, “Oh. She’s still not here? I thought I was really late.” That made you feel a little worse.

Cairo wouldn’t abandon you, sure she has canceled plans last minute thousands of times, or made you wait longer than usual, but not in the dark. Not in the dark knowing how much you looked forward to this. Your heart tugs again, your breath getting stuck in your throat.

It’s the same feeling your tiny self felt when your childhood best friend moved away, or a thousand times worse than realizing that the tooth fairy wasn’t real.

y/n: where r u? the festival is going to start soon.

Really hoping you’re not going to stand me up again, like the plenty of other times you did. You really wished you could have added that phrase.

6:30 and still no sign of her. You know you’ve cried like a little child because of her, you’ve tried to avoid her in every way possible. Yet no matter what, it always seems that the sweet girl you’ve known comes back to you moments later. 

She’s just running late. The tiny voice in your head says, to somehow calm your nerves down. Winnie squeezes your hand, urging you to decorate your lanterns together. So you force the growing lump in your throat with a painful swallow, nodding and beginning to draw flowers that somehow are Cairo’s favorite ones. “It’s going to be okay,” she softly coaxes, and you feel like crying into her arms. 

You really thought she wouldn’t do it this time. You really started to believe that she was good at heart for you. Maybe she could be. But you didn’t want to give her the chance anymore, you were officially drained.

The sunset envelopes you and Winnie in its eternal color of the sunshine, though the warm feeling is rather cold. Cold and ugly. You would’ve been used to it, but you drove 2 hours for her. You knew you could count on Winnie, but you traveled so far for Cairo to be able to spend time with her. Now it just seems like she’ll throw you away whenever Mr. Miller is around. 

-

She’ll talk about him almost anytime she can, it makes you feel insecure. Sometimes, you wish you could just shake her brain and tell her, “I’m right here.” You were there all along. You would be there when she needed it, but she was never there when you needed her. A moth to a flame.

Even when your heart cracks more and more, to love is to sacrifice, your broken hand is still holding on. Cairo is the only thing you’d ever know about love. 

Even when you tell yourself to get over it, to ignore her, you can’t help the way your heart turns into goo when she smiles at you. I won’t let go yet. You promise to yourself as she crashes her lips to yours, alcohol coating her tongue as you have the need for more. 

Take me, your heart sings as Cairo, drunk and wanting, tears the bottom of your blouse, the room filling with your breathy moans.

You need to let go, Your brain pounds against your forehead as you’re left in the dark of the movie theater, an empty seat next to you. A seat that was meant for your hand to hold hers.

Why do you manage to always forgive her? Believe that she’ll be “okay” this time? Why did you always let her in knowing that she would do the same thing once again?

-

7:30, the lanterns begin to lift off, your eyes half-lidded with unshed tears as you hold onto your floating lantern. Winnie turns to look at you, but you don’t look back, the small ember glistening against your glossy eyes. 

She was just late. She’d come. Your heart grows a little heavy.

“Hey,” she says softly, putting a reassuring hand on your shoulder, “It’s going to be okay. Cairo is just stupid, she’s been stupid ever since Miller. But I don’t want to talk about her right now, okay? Let’s spend the night together and we’ll see what to do when it’s over.”

You still avoid eye contact, can you really just feel okay if someone tells you? That’s never worked for you.

A floating lantern symbolizes the hope of the moments ahead and being able to move on. To mark the start of a new beginning. Your eyes flicker to all the children with their family, smiling happily, the couples who are cuddling together as they prepare to let go of their lanterns. Every time you saw something like that, you thought of Cairo. You wondered if she ever thought of you.

I guess fate brought me here, you tell yourself. When your favorite person turns into a memory of a lesson. Gosh, you hated when you saw quotes like that, even worse now that you understood it with each tear that poured out of your eyes.

You cling onto the lantern like it’s the most important thing of your life as you shut your eyes. You think about Cairo, your best friend, someone that you always told yourself loved you. You hope she still did. Winnie feels your head placed on your shoulder as you finally let it go. Finally let her go as it flies away with the specks of others, lighting up the night sky. It was like a reminder that she was slipping away.

Tonight, you thought it would’ve ended differently as you watch it mix in with the glow of other lanterns, other wishes, other endings.

All those times you look into these eyes, even the ones that aren’t hers, you remember that her eyes that once admired you are gone. You’re watching her watching him.

You’re standing here, waiting for something that you knew for a long time might never come. Love’s a game of heartbreak. The latest you could do is slump down to the blanket and toss your body into Winnie’s, closing your eyelids and letting yourself relax. It was cold, yet you didn't bother to ask for a blanket.

“Y/N, baby. We gotta get going.” A voice, soft and sweet coaxes you awake. You're no longer on Winnie’s shoulder, but a lap that you know all too well. You scramble off of Cairo with your eyes wide, blinking, adjusting, before letting yourself cry.

Cairo hasn’t seen you cry in almost ages. Well you’ve never cried in front of her, but knowing that she stood you up again, arriving almost 3 hours later, it tells her a lot of how much you did when she wasn’t there. 

Her eyes look at yours that are closed, sniffle, “Hey, don’t cry. Why are you crying? I’m so sorry I missed this-”

“You’re never sorry!” You hiccup, forcing your shut eyes open, “If you were in all the times past, you wouldn’t have left me here again! I had my mom drive me 2 hours just so I could picture myself wishing you were beside me!” 

“I-”

When was the last time she made you feel like she actually loved you?

“It seems like you don’t need me anymore, Cairo. You find something else to obsess over and run away when I need you.”

“I do need you,” she argues, looking at you in disbelief. Yet you can see that a part of her knows that you’re right.

“Only when Mr. Miller isn’t here to make you feel good.”

“T-that’s not true!” She stammers, “You aren’t understanding what you’re saying-”

“I always want you when I'm finally fine, Cairo! That’s the problem with you! I can’t stop crawling my way back to you because my heart can’t beat without your reassurance, even if it’s just a sweet glance. But every time I’m standing here, you’re turning me away. And the only way for me to stop loving you is when I’m here, telling you how I’ve felt every single time you’ve left me in the dark for the attention of a 50 year old man that I’ve given you since the start! I’m not some toy that you need at moments- I-I needed you too.” You murmur, looking down, ashamed with the hot tears leaking out of your eyes.

It takes Cairo a moment to pull you back onto her, “I’m sorry,” she tries, her hand around your cheek. “I just.. I didn’t… He failed me on that final and I just needed to know why and I guess-”

“It’s okay,” you say, finally looking into her eyes while you put your hand away from your face. “I tried thinking that maybe it was that final for Miller, that you needed time to write something amazing for your final, like I knew you’d always do. But instead, you made your assignment obsessing over him.” 

Gosh you felt so stupid looking back at your naive self. “To see him in the hallways and talking to him while I stood there waiting for you, forgetting that I was even here in the first place.”

Cairo’s silent, eyes pleading as she tries reaching out for your hand, but you pull away. “I’m done waiting for you Cairo. Maybe you can pursue focusing on him more and don’t have to worry about focusing on me.” You bite back a shiver, your body shaking slightly.

She watches you turn away as Winnie wraps you in a blanket. Disappointment flickers in her best friend’s eyes as she helps you walk away. Cairo wishes, oh so terribly that you would turn back, to look at one more time, but you don’t.

Where I'll be looking in their eyes when they're down.

You stop for a brief moment, about to hop into Winnie’s car, before turning to her, looking down at her shoes. “I’m sorry I wasn’t enough, Cairo. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“I’m sorry it ended like this, I never met to hurt you.” She wants to say, but bites her tongue as your body slips away from sight, Winnie starting the engine. It was too late now.

Cairo made you wait, made you see a flicker of hope in her candle and she blew it. She made you wait in the cold.

-

She really wrote her story on your heart. But was it ever a good one? Maybe there were some that lingered freely in your heart, but her story would’ve never lasted like you wanted.

It was rare, she almost never saw you sitting on the same first bench. There were days where she immediately ran out of Mr. Miller’s classroom to push through the students just to go to that bench, to be reminded that you weren’t there to wait anymore. There was no one to wait for her anymore. The spot was always empty.

You’ll always want her when you are finally fine, even when you’d feel like your heart healed, it never would. Because you always needed her. You can’t heal without her.

Now every time your eyes meet in the hallways, you’re the first one to tear your gaze. Maybe it was just for the best. Tear your eyes away from her pretty ones before she tears your heart apart.

You wish that one day, when you meet her when you two are older, she’ll be the person you once knew. Your Cairo Sweet. The one that didn’t leave the sickening taste on your tongue.

[exhausted-archivist]

Common Fanons That Are Confused As Canon

Through my time of collecting lore and learning things about Thedas I've come across a couple things of fanon that leaked into lists of canon elements. Which was an interesting little thing to follow the rabbit hole of where they even originated. While making this list I did ask others for any that I might have missed or not seen because I wanted to be thorough as I could when even making this list. I haven't been in the fandom long enough to see all the things that have come up.

To be clear, I thought it was neat to see what became so pervasive in the fandom to become easily mistaken as canon or misunderstood. I'm also not discussing whether canon as it stands is "good" or judging the fanon or anything like that.

I just wanted to put it all together in a list, especially as I have had friends who were getting into the series and ask about certain things; as well as Dragon Age Summer hitting us soon and new interest in the series abound.

General

Mages can sense other mages The closest source I can find to this is the fact that Anders states that he can "feel the power in you". No other mage states anything similar and could likely be attributed to the fact that he is possessed. Much like how Cole can sense your magical connection as an Inquisitor. An outlier is how Keiran can sense your magic regardless of if he has the Old God soul; but he is also not confirmed to be a mage as of yet.

All Saarebas always have their lips sewn shut/horns cut off This seems to originate from da2 specifically, with the model of Ketojan having the scarring, the other saarebas missing horns, the concept art, and then boils down to BioWare being inconsistent with their lore/depictions. Most of Thedas fixates on the fact that the Qunari have saarebas with their lips sewn shut, the Seer's yarn tale denotes that tamassrans tell the story of a saarebas with their lips sewn shut, the tarot art for Saarath, and the flippant joke between Sera and Iron Bull. But, the lore specifies that it is in extreme cases or in general that it can occurs but it is not the standard. [WOT p. 103 & 128] Much like tranquility, it is used as a form of punishment - one that we know can and is abused by certain factions. We also see saarebas characters in Inquisition who do not carry either of those traits. Specifically Hissera (multiplayer), Saareth (Trespasser), Heroes of Dragon Age models, and some Qunari in da2.

All Saarebas have their tongues cut out This is seperate from the previous point due to the different source of this fanon. It seems to be an exaggeration of one particulare line from Sten. In dao, Sten will state during the Broken Circle quest that "This is why we cut the tongues from mages, in Par Vollen." He is very general with the statement, but contextually it is reasonable people took this to mean all mages. However, since dao it has been made clear that it is not a universal practice throughout the Qun.

Elves are shorter than humans This one does have a clear point of where this started, though it is never stated in lore, back in Origins elven models were universally shorter than humans. But from DA2 onward, male elves were only shorter than their human counterparts of the same sex while female elves are shorter than both human sexes. Fenris is taller than f!Hawke while both forms of Hawke are taller than Merrill. Solas, Abelas, and a m!Lavellan are taller than female human characters but all human characters are taller than female elves (except Sera who has a female human model).

Dalish are illiterate This is a little less clear to me where its origins started. Perhaps based off of medieval period history (which da isn't necessarily medieval in time period) or due to the fact that most common folk in certain regions in Thedas are illiterate and reliant on pictures over written words. But we know from the Witch Hunt dlc that the Dalish keep tomes of their history and of the ancient elven empire. They also actively translate ancient elven script for their own records. Whether this is role restrictive or not is unclear, but we do know that the Dalish are literate in both Common and semi-literate in ancient elven script.

Dalish and City Elves don't have contact This seemingly comes from a misunderstanding stemming in the city elf origins in dao where some npcs will comment on how Dalish might be myths. However, in dao, da2, dai, the comic Knight Errant, and the novel The Masked Empire, that elves from both sides do semi-regularly trade people with each other if not visit certain alienages, as well have other points of contact with each other. Pol, Zevran, Coran (Vaea's uncle), and potentially Feynriel are all city elves that join Dalish clans. Merrill and Arianni are known Dalish who join alienages.

City elves are genetic/physical differences from the Dalish elves This one I have seen around a lot, most stemming from the idea of the previous one that the elves in the city are generations apart from the Dalish, implying they have no contact with each other. Which could be true for certain alienages. But as far as lore is concerned there isn't any example of this, not even as being a point of reference for the Dalish to consider any of the aspects as to what makes them "less of an elf" in comparison to Dalish.

Elves pass on their elven traits Most seem to know this isn't canon, albeit one of the less popular canon elements; but new fans don't always know this. It is popular fanon to give half-elven children the reflective eyes, smaller stature, more angular features, straighter nose bridge, and/or pointed ears from their elven parent.

Only elves can have mixed kids with other races This seems to come from the fact that elven traits aren't passed on to their kids when mixed parentage is involved. However humans, dwarves, and vashoth can all have mixed kids from the other races. According to Patrick Weekes, this decision was made consciously to avoid very racist and harmful rhetoric. We know of many elf/human mixed kids: Alistair, Eiton, Feynriel, Gestan and Thale (residents of elven area of Halamshiral), Kieran (conditions), Michel de Chevin, Rinnala, "Sabina's Brat" (son of the elven prostitute Sabina at the Blooming Rose), Slim Couldry, Tainsley (Potentially. Is described as a 7'(2.13m) human, though he references a Dalish uncle.) While mixed dwarf children are rare simply due to dwarven fertility issues we do know of two dwarf/human kids: Keiran (conditional) and the child of Tyrdaa Bright-Axe(Avvar) and Hendir (dwarf).

Elfroot leaves get you high/is Thedosian marijuana This is another Origins era thing, due to an easter egg that made a play on the American "This is your brain on drugs" anti-drug campaign using elfroot. This was then repeated in 2015 when Patrick Weekes said that its medicinal properties were rediscovered in 4:20. [Source] Elfroot hasn't been shown to get anyone high in canon, it is the roots that are primarily used as medicinal. In World of Thedas (WoT) vol. 2 the recipe for Dalish Deep Forest Comfort says you can substitute elfroot for spinach making the leaves more vegetable in quality. That said, marijuana leaves are edible and rather nutritious. They just don't have the chemical make up to induce a high. Those lie strictly in the buds. According to Origins, elfroot does flower though.

Red lyrium is completely different and more dangerous from blue lyrium This one is all on BioWare in regards to this misconception. Because while yes, it is more dangerous than the blue lyrium, they aren't two seperate substances. More that red lyrium is a branch off. To cover the generals of the written lore of lyrium it breaks down like this: Blue lyrium in it's raw form innately toxic to just be around to all but dwarves, however it will kill a mage who gets too close in proximity. That proximity being within the same room while non-mages would have to touch the stuff. It also has a pension of self-combustion without warning or a clear cause. When it is refined down for templar use it is "safe" for non-mages to come in contact with and consume. Whether this level of refinement is the same level as what is used to make various cocktails and liqueur is unclear. But we do know that getting too close, being in same room as lyrium refined to this level, is enough to make a mage sick. Finally, we have the most refined and diluted stage of lyrium, this is used by mages to make potions, certain alchemical work, and other things. This isn't enough to kill a mage, make them sick (without extreme over use), and infact can result in positive outcomes for a mage. Red lyrium overlaps with most of that, with a couple key differences. First off is that red lyrium doesn't seem to self-combust. There is some contradiction on whether or not non-dwarves can mine it as due to game mechanics you can destroy it, but the only ones we see mining wild nodes are dwarves. But if the red lyrium is grown from a living creature it seems accessible to all races? In codices about the various types of red templars, we learn that a small vial around a templar's neck is enough to make all the mages in the area around him sick.

Character Specific

Alistair

Alistair is a dog person I couldn't track any clear origins for this, it seems to be a case of overlap with the stereotype that "all Fereldan's love dogs" and a mix of building off of a line of dialogue about him being raised by the hounds and them being his family. However, he doesn't seem overly one way or the other. He mocks dog at times, talks down in not such a playful way, and at times seems to treat dog with the same attitude he does Morrigan though not as blatantly. This could be chalked up to his joking nature though.

Alistair's obsession with cheese While he does admit to an obsession to cheese, it is often cited that Alistair makes a ton of cheese jokes in dao. When in truth he only makes four through out the entire game. Given his joking nature it is up to personal interpretation of how much he actually loves cheese.

Alistair and Cullen knew each other before Origins This is more specifically that the two went to the same monastery for their templar training. There is no canon evidence for this though. That said, there is a possibility due to not knowing much of anything about how the Templar Order trains its recruits nor the amount of monasteries they have in Ferelden for training.

Alistair collects toy soldiers This seems to come from the gifts he can be given during the Feastday dlc. Canonically he is given runestones and carved statuettes of various types stone. These statuettes are described in a manner closer to effigies than toy soldiers.

Alistair's mother is not Fiona This one is a bit funny as it has multiple origins and is dependent on the player's experience with the series. From what I have gathered there seems to be one of three sources: - People who never read the Dragon Age novel The Calling - People who read The Calling after playing dao and feels like it is a retcon (though The Calling was released prior to the release of dao, same with the novel The Stolen Throne) - People who take a "chuck the baby with the bathwater" approach to the lore The funny thing about this is that the cover story in dao for Alistair's mom is based off a combo of things; the hypothetical scenario Fiona told Maric and answers she gave Maric when he asked what to tell Alistair if he asked about his mother. The hypothetical was that Fiona would not return to the Circle and would hide from the templars and pretend to be a washer woman. When Maric asked what to tell Alistair of his mother, Fiona said to tell him his mother was human as she did not want him to deal with being half elven and all the stigma that comes with that as well as to tell Alistair that she was dead.

Avaline

Aveline is straight She will kiss Hawke regardless of gender and ask them if they ever considered her and them. Though it is clear she never had romantic interest in Hawke in particular. An easily missed aspect I think given the general opinion of Aveline as well as most people seeming to not choose the flirtatious option with her.

Blackwall

Blackwall doesn't have a sense of humor This one genuinely surprised me considering he jokes with Sera, The Iron Bull, and Solas. His banter shows as much that he does have a sense of humor and tells jokes. But it does seem pretty common of a fanon characterization for him.

Dorian

Dorian paints his nails His model doesn't have painted nails in game, but it is a popular fanon. There is nail polish in Thedas though. It's mentioned in the novel Masked Empire as well as the novel Last Flight. It seems to be of Anderfles origins, but given the Last Flight is post Orlesian occupation, it could originate in Orlais.

Lady Mantillon said, tapping an elegantly lacquered fingernail on the polished wooden arm of her chair, “we will fail, or we will be killed. Neither is acceptable.” - Masked Empire, Chapter 17 p. 362 Every one of her fingers glimmered with a jeweled ring, and her nails had been freshly lacquered. - Last Flight, Chapter 13 p. 144

Fenris

Lyrium can be drawn from Fenris' tattoos There is no mention of this being possible in da2 or any of the subsequent media. There isn't even mention of others being able to sense the lyrium in his tattoos or even mages getting sick around him as they sometimes will dependent on the concentrations and/or purity of lyrium.

Fiona

How Fiona was cured of the taint This comes from The Calling novel, where it isn't ever clarified what actually removed the taint from Fiona. The common fanon is that it was either the mentioned brooch, or that by having Alistair. That it was by having Maric's son who has Great Dragon blood due to being of the Theirin bloodline that cured her. However, in the novel she is very clear that the mages at Weisshaupt aren't sure what cured her. She only offers one explanation that the Grey Wardens theorized and trails off before saying what the second one was.

“It’s gone,” she said flatly. “The mages at Weisshaupt weren’t sure if it was because the First Enchanter’s brooch sped things up artificially, or... at any rate, all the corruption vanished. They don’t think it’s going to come back, either. There was test after test, but they think I may be the first Grey Warden that never has to endure the Calling again.”

Hawke

Hawke is stabbed by the Arishok This fanon likely came into being due to one of the moves the Arishok has where it will leave you almost dead. So a bit of canon as it is in his move set, but fanon in the idea it is something that always happens in canon.

Unable to confirm if Fanon, Canon, or a mix of both

Teagan marries Bella, the barmaid from Redcliffe This one goes back really far and is hard to tell if it is a case of mistaken identity and association, or a really buggy option for the epilogue, or isn't actually a possibility. What I can confirm is that Teagan does have a woman he can marry given certain conditions are met in dao, but it is actually Kaitlyn, the sister who's brother goes missing in Redcliffe. If you properly compensate her for her grandfather's sword she'll open up a foundry in Denerim and will marry Teagan after having known him for a few months. According to this thread, you have to get Kaitlyn to move to Denerim with her brother, make Bella the maid to Teagan and in the ending slide Teagan and Bella will get married. Though I haven't been able to confirm that this is possible. (If you have a screenshot/video of this slide and know how to trigger this please let me know) This is also not an option mentioned in the Keep, however neither is Kaitlyn's. Which isn't surprising given some of the ending slides that were not direct player choice (ex) choosing Orzammar's king) are mostly cut from canon.

[moonspirit]

Look, if we are discussing whether Annie’s dad would be a good granddad, Can we at least agree on Grandpa Levi's supremacy?

He would be like an honorary grandpa, not just by Armin but also by any kids Jean or Connie have. He would still keep his gruff demeanor, but all the grandkids would see him as a softie, as he would give them the occasional sweet or tell them bedtime stories.

I also like to think Armin would talk about Hange like she was his children's grandmother(that is my vice and I can't help it)

OMG YES GRANDPA LEVI SUPREMACY!!!!!

I mean I think that's a given once all his kids (104th alliance) have children of their own lmao. Though I also strongly believe these grandkids are going to learn the word "shit" before anything else...

(if anyone asks Levi, he'll say cursing is good for de-stressing).

On a more serious note tho, Levi would have a huge soft spot for all the grandkids. He's a gigantic softie himself, so what do you expect? The grandkids (hell, even his big kids aka Paradis boys) will do something dumb or stupid or get themselves into trouble and he'll be all "damnit I'm too old for this shit" and then go along with them anyway. He's a papa. And grandpa. The best.

He'll also tell them highly exaggerated tales of how a hairy monkey wanted to ruin the planet in his usual deadpan delivery. The grandkids loooooove it.

Coming to Armin tho... Omg he WOULD talk about Hange like that T____T I can see it!!! Tho i think he'd talk with great fondness for all of his superiors, really, from Levi to Hange and even Erwin for that brief period of leadership he was under. I think he holds deep respect for the vets in general; so his kids grow up listening to a lot about how they were highly talented and very kind to him. Levi and Hange in particular.

[scribbledghost]

Hello, it is I, here to make more angst request with fem! Simon. Now, I have a hate/love relationship with misunderstanding trope, but here's my idea. Fem! Simon has been spending a lot of time with a fellow soldier due to an important mission they are working on together. They have been texting frequently and meeting up outside of their usual work hours to discuss the mission details. Her girlfriend notices the increased communication between fem! Simon and this soldier. One day, she sees a text on fem! Simon's phone from the soldier that says, "Can't wait to see you tonight! 😊" This message, taken out of context, causes the reader to feel insecure and suspect that something romantic might be developing between fem! Simon and solider. You can go on from there-

Simon tried so hard to keep things as tactical as possible with the Sergeant she'd been tasked with collaborating with. The mission unfortunately required frequent communication and meetups to discuss logistics, added to another misfortune of not being able to really include you due to the classified nature of it. It irritated her, truthfully, because now the bright-eyed, fresh Sergeant had been getting a little too close for her liking. No matter how many times Simon offhandedly mentioned she had you, her girlfriend, waiting for her at home.

She should have known it would cause trouble.

You'd been distant lately. The past few days, as a matter of fact. And Simon couldn't pinpoint why. She suspected her frequent meetings with the Sergeant had something to do with it, but she didn't know the specifics.

"You're upset," she says one evening, coming up behind you as you're making dinner to wrap her arms around your middle. It's not a question.

"I'm fine, love," you respond softly. Too softly.

"You're not," she says, reaching past you to turn the stove off as she turns you around to face her. "Talk to me, love. Please. Let me help."

You sigh, looking up at her.

"This... assignment you've been on."

"Yeah?"

"With the new Sergeant."

"Mhm."

You hesitate, then sigh again before explaining.

A few nights prior, Simon's work phone had lit up when she stepped out. You'd managed to catch a glimpse of the message on the screen, a "Can't wait to see you tonight! 😊" from her work partner.

Simon hadn't entertained the thinly-veiled attempt at flirtation, and had simply responded with a quick "Keep it tactical. And don't forget the case files I requested."

But you hadn't seen that part.

So, she shows you.

She doesn't hesitate to pull her phone out, unlocking it and scrolling to the messages in question. She feels safe letting you scroll through the message log - it's all coded jargon anyway, as specifics are only discussed in person for security reasons.

"Keep tryin' to tell her I'm taken," Simon explains, nudging her nose against your temple as you look through the texts. "Won't take the hint."

Her texts reflect as much:

Sgt: Drinks tonight?

Simon: Negative. Night in with my girl.

Some days later:

Sgt: Anything a girl can do to entertain herself around base?

Simon: Wouldn't know. The missus and I live off-base. Get that report I asked for?

The exchanges go on.

"I... I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions," you say softly. Simon softly shushes you in response.

"Don't apologize," she says. "I know how it must have looked."

After a moment of silence, she pulls back, putting both hands on your upper arms as she gazes at you intently.

"Y'know you're the only one I want, right?" she asks. When you only nod and cast your gaze aside, she tucks a finger under your chin to redirect you back to her.

"I mean that," she says. "Don't want anyone else. Never have. Never will. I'm serious.''

As you pull her in for a kiss, Simon's already formulating plans to really get it through this Sergeant's head that she's a (very happily) taken woman.

[casualbystander98]

Kink Education Time - Etiquette

Alright, everyone, I'm gonna peel back the curtain a little bit and talk about some things I think you should know. I've been involved in kink for a very large part of my life, and, in that time, I've seen a marked decrease in people who know what proper "etiquette" is for kinksters. If that applies to you, it's not your fault. When I learned about kink, I was taught by long-time veteran kinksters who imparted this information to me. Learning about kink through a book, or a tiktoker, or some article doesn't give you the same education, and you can't be blamed for that. Even if you do think you already know this, maybe give it a read anyway? A good kinkster should always be willing to learn.

Part 1 - Titles

So, this is something I'm personally very lenient on. However, many, MANY kink veterans take massive offense to having people assume titles (such as "daddy", or "master", or even "sir" depending on the dominant). This doesn't just apply to dominants, of course; calling a random submissive "slut" or "toy" is, generally, unwelcome without a prior established dynamic.

A good rule of thumb when you're thinking about using a title on someone is simple: ASK. And, if they say no for WHATEVER reason, respect that. There is a concept in kink spaces of a "consent violation", and using a title on someone without asking counts as one. I will discuss those in a later part. For me, personally, I do not mind people using titles on me, other than the title "dad", which I've covered before.

Part 2 - Bratting and Dynamic Styles

Any d/s (dominant/submissive) dynamic involves, at its core, an exchange of power. No dominant has power over a submissive that the submissive didn't grant the dominant. Always remember that given power is LOANED, not permanently gifted, and any submissive can choose to take their power back at any time if they feel that they are not being treated well in their dynamic.

Bratting, therefore, is where a submissive temporarily steals some power back in such a way that the dominant will be enticed to punish them. At its simplest, bratting is a vehicle to deliver pain to a masochist. In my experience, bratting has become one of the most common submission styles in recent years. I believe that that is due to the fact that it's easier to give power to someone when you know that you can take some of it back on occasion. However, there are strict rules you need to follow to brat in a healthy way, especially online.

First, not every dominant wants a brat. That's not a moral failing on their part, or them not being able to "handle" a brat. Some people just don't have much interest in having to fight their submissive to get them to follow orders on a regular basis, and that's entirely valid. Respect when a dominant does not want to have a dynamic with a brat, and, likewise, if you're a brat and that's the kind of dynamic you want, do not attempt to engage in a dynamic with someone who doesn't want a brat. Every dynamic needs to be balanced, and both sides need to want the same "style" of a dynamic.

Second, bratting is not bratting if you do not follow through. In a physical dynamic, if a submissive acts bratty, a dominant can (if the dynamic allows) simply spank or paddle or otherwise punish their submissive for their misbehaving. In any long-distance or online-only dynamic, this is impossible. Think about it. At the absolute most, all an online dominant can do is video call you and look stern and disapproving. They can't do anything to force a stop to any bratty behavior without you holding up your end. The only ethical way to be a brat in an online dynamic is to follow these three rules:

1. Do not brat to someone who doesn't want a brat dynamic.

2. If you're given orders to follow, and you want to brat by not following the orders, you must give your dominant an easy way to find out that you didn't follow them. Or, better yet, tell them yourself that you didn't follow them.

3. If you're given a punishment, you MUST follow through with it. End of story.

Brats brat because they want to be punished. If you don't want to be punished, if you just want to "poke the bear", you don't want to be a brat. You want to be a pain in the ass. That's going to be pretty universally unwelcome. Also, as before, if you're unsure if someone wants to engage in bratting with you: ASK. Pushing someone into a dynamic style that they're uncomfortable with is, again, a consent violation.

Part 3 - Consent Violations

Kink is sometimes messy, when it comes to consent. The rules are far more complex. Everyone wants to think that they'd never do something without someone else's consent, but mistakes happen, and many folks don't realize just how easy it is to violate consent.

However, just because you did something without consent does not make you a rapist. This is INCREDIBLY important. Mistakes happen in kink, and it doesn't make the person who made the mistake an irredeemable abuser. Consent violations ARE NOT sexual assault, although sexual assault is an extreme kind of consent violation. All a consent violation is is just that: a time that you did something without someone's consent.

It is absolutely vital to have room for the concept of consent violations in kink. We need to be able to hold each other accountable without hurling weighty accusations around. No one is saying that we should call instances of rape or sexual abuse "consent violations" to reduce their impact or their weight. However, using the term "consent violation" allows you to 1) enforce your boundaries and limits, and 2) inform others that someone did not respect your boundaries and limits. Consent violation as a concept is a fantastic safety tool for any kinkster. Embrace it.

That's all I have for today. Thanks for allowing me to get up on a soap box. I may make another post like this in the future, if I feel that it's needed. Stay safe, everyone.

[outrunningthedark]

This is something that's been on my mind for days now and I still don't understand it. On tumblr and the discord server I'm in Helena's remark 'We'll replace it' was seen as something insidious and I don't get it. Maybe it's because I'm asian and the language and culture barrier was making me not understand it. But I didn't see anything bad about it. I just thought she didn't want to inconvenience Eddie and make Christopher stay longer at a place he's not comfortable at. I thought Christopher was ready to leave and making him stay longer at a place where he's not happy, just to look for something easily replaceable, is not good for him. I just saw Helena and Ramon thinking of Christopher as their responsibility and their thought process was that they'll provide everything for him so that no one is inconvenienced.

It's sad how people are just LOOKING for things to be mad about with this show and yet can't bring themselves to give it up because of...an actor? a ship? This is where that "self-insert" thing our fandom does very obviously comes into play, IMO. If these fans were the writers, they wouldn't have phrased it like that. If these fans were in Eddie's place, they'd be offended that their parents were trying to "take control". If these fans were in Christopher's place, they'd be upset that their grandparents think items can "just be replaced like it's no big deal".

Well, guess what! We're not the writers! And nobody was bothered! There WOULD be a discussion to be had about Helena's behavior had she immediately jumped to "we'll replace it". But she didn't. "Whatever he forgot, you can send it to us. Or we'll replace it." doesn't mean "Chris doesn't need the stuff from this house because we can give it to him ourselves." If Chris wants the exact thing he (hypothetically) left in his room? Eddie will get a call or a text asking to have it mailed to Texas. If Chris wants something, but doesn't really care about having it mailed? He just wants the thing replaced for the coming months, for the current home he's living in? Then they will replace it. And he'll still have the original item there when he goes home, too!

You know why Helena is hated so much? Because she's the most "real" mom on the show. She loves her kids, but in her mind, loving her kids means trying to make decisions for them and/or adding her opinions when nobody asked. That's a much easier character to relate to than a mom of a child with cerebral palsy or a mom who never recovered from burying her eight year old son. (And it shows in the way fandom reacts to all three women. People just don't pay close enough attention.)

[widowsistersandfriends]

Who's Afraid of Little Old Me?

Request: Hey there! First of all, I want to say that your stories are amazing and I love reading them <3! They bring me the kind of comfort I can't get anywhere else. I'm fairly new Tumblr user, so I don't know how things actually work here, and I don't even know if you accept story suggestions. But anyway, I have a little idea that I don't feel I'm talented enough to write myself. I don't automatically assume that you will do anything, but I would be more than happy and grateful if you would ever find the time to even consider my suggestion. ❤

Idea: Y/n is really afraid of spiders. One day Natasha she starts discussing it with Natasha. Natasha, being a Black Widow herself, doesn't understand how anyone can be afraid of something as small as a harmless spider. The conversation soon turns into a playful pillow fight where Natasha accidentally finds out that Y/n is ticklish.

+

hi!! I love reading fanfics you made, but I was wondering would you write another natasha and her sister (reader) story? Thx and have a nice day 💛

Note: Thank you so much for these wonderful requests! I appreciate you guys reading my fics and I am glad you like them! I went ahead and combined these requests, as I felt they went well together. Enjoy! <3

Word Count: 1423

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You were Natasha’s little sister and you adored her. You looked up to her in every way and wanted to be just like her. You were always excited to spend time with her, and today was one of those days. You and Natasha were having a sleepover and you two were preparing for it. First, you two went to the supermarket nearby to pick up snacks.

You immediately went to the candy aisle, much to Natasha’s amusement. 

“You know, Y/N, if you’re too energetic and hyped on sugar, I’m gonna have to find a way to calm you down,” Natasha warned you.

“It’s fine, I can tolerate large amounts of sugar,” you replied, taking a large pack of Twix and a bag of M&M’s off the shelf.

“You want anything?” You asked.

“Hmm, I’ll take a KitKat,” Natasha said, as you smiled, knowing that it was her favorite.

You and Natasha then went to get some microwave popcorn bags, a bottle of lemonade, and some paper plates. While she wasn’t looking, you snuck in a large pack of Oreos. You two also got some arts and crafts supplies that you planned on using at your sleepover.

After you guys bought all the items, Natasha surprised you by swinging by the pizzeria and picking up pizza for dinner, as it was 6pm already. 

“I got your favorite, Y/N, pepperoni with sausage and mushrooms,” Natasha said, as your mouth watered. 

You thanked Natasha for getting pizza as you guys headed home. You jumped out of the car, eager to get the sleepover started.

You set out two paper plates on the table and poured some lemonade for both of you. You guys sat down at the kitchen table and chatted while eating dinner.

“So what do you want to do first?” Natasha asked you.

“I want to do an arts and crafts project!” You cheered.

“Then arts and crafts it shall be!” Natasha declared.

After dinner, you guys threw your plates away and headed upstairs to your shared bedroom. 

Natasha pulled out the arts and crafts supplies, consisting of paint, paintbrushes, canvases, and materials to make friendship bracelets.

You took some of the painting supplies and began to paint a picture. You had been working on your art skills for a while, and you decided to attempt to paint a cabin in the mountains with a lake and beautiful nature nearby.

When you two were done painting, you showed each other what you created. Natasha had painted the Statue of Liberty, which turned out pretty decent. 

“Wow, Y/N, I had no idea you had gotten that good at painting. I remember when you used to just throw random colors on there, and now look at you. All grown up and an expert at painting,” Natasha said, tussling your hair as you beamed with pride.

Afterwards, you decided to make friendship bracelets for each other. You chose red thread and decorated it with various colors and spelled out her name.

You guys traded bracelets and then began to set up for the movie. You got the popcorn out and heated it up before pouring it into a large bowl to share. You also made sure to bring the candy over. 

After the movie, you guys changed into your pajamas and headed back to your room to play games and chat. 

After a while, the conversation had shifted into a deeper topic about fears. You thought your fears were silly, but you wanted to share them with the person you trusted the most. 

“I guess I’m sorta afraid of spiders,” you admitted, looking down into your lap.

“Spiders?” Natasha asked, as you nodded.

“It’s just weird because your average spider won’t do any harm, so I feel silly for being afraid of them.

“Y/N, it’s perfectly normal to be afraid of spiders or anything really. We all have our fears, even if we don’t fully understand them. I mean, part of me doesn’t quite understand it since I’m a black widow myself,” Natasha said, hoping to lighten the mood.

“I’m not afraid of you because you’re not an actual spider,” you said, playfully rolling your eyes.

“Wow rude! The disrespect to the original black widow,” Natasha gasped, reaching for a nearby pillow and whacking you with it.

“Pillow fight!” You declared, grabbing another pillow and fighting back. You two whacked each other and giggled endlessly, both not wanting to give in. Natasha lunged and reached to grab your pillow so she would have all the power. However, her hand missed the pillow and she ended up grabbing onto your side, causing you to squeal and jump away.

“Oh sorry Y/N! Are you okay?” Natasha asked, as you were still processing what just happened. 

“Oh, what yeah, I’m okay,” you said, looking away in embarrassment. 

Natasha gave you a weird look, knowing that something was off. Then she finally realized what had happened.

“Ohhhh, I see. Somebody’s ticklish huh?” Natasha said, now inching closer to you.

“No! I’m not!!” You cried, scooting away from her. 

Natasha knew you were bluffing, so she pounced on you and pinned your arms to your side, while tickling your stomach and ribs, making you cackle with laughter.

“NATAHAHAHASHA STAHAHAHAP,” you shouted, kicking your legs underneath her. 

“How come you never told me you were ticklish?” She asked, sneaking her hands into your armpits.

“BEHECAUSE YOU AHAHARE MEHEHEAN,” you squealed, clamping your arms as best as you could. 

“Excuse me?” Natasha said, leaning down to blow a raspberry on your tummy. Your laughter went silent as you shook your head. Your sister gave you a break, but kept your arms pinned.

“Can’t you let me go?” You whined.

“I certainly cannot since I finally found a way to calm you down after all that sugar,” Natasha teased, as she now reached down to shake into your ribs and tickle between the sensitive, vulnerable bones.

“YOHOU JEHEHERK,” you laughed, cursing yourself that you let her find out.

“Where else are you ticklish?” Natasha asked, giving your knees and thighs a squeeze, which gave her a few giggles. 

“Hmm, how about…your feet?” Natasha said, with a growing evil grin as she saw you panic.

“NO PLEASE! NOT MY FEHEEHET,” you squealed, as she began to scribble over your soft and sensitive feet.

“Why not? It’s such a great spot!” Natasha cooed, as you squirmed and thrashed around. 

After she felt you had enough, she helped you sit up.

“Y/N, I have a way to help you get over your fear of spiders,” Natasha said.

“How?” You asked.

She snuck her hand under your shirt to scratch lightly at your back, causing you to gasp and jerk away.

“HAHA NAHAHAT,” you laughed, as she held you still.

“Just imagine that my hand is a spider. See? Harmless, besides the fact that it’s ticklish,” Natasha said with a smirk.

“Now try and stay still,” Natasha said, wiggling her nails all over your back.

You scrunched your face up, trying not to laugh, but couldn’t help but squirm at the touch.

“You’re really that ticklish?” Natasha asked, now tickling your sides to make you collapse in laughter.

“YEHEHES NOHOHOW STAHAHAP,” you begged.

“Not until you’re over your fear of spiders~,” Natasha said, now singing the itsy bitsy spider as she walked her nails over your back.

You snorted as she reached the top of your back, right before your neck.

“Is your neck also ticklish?” Natasha asked, as you shook your head vigorously.

Natasha didn’t say anything, but instead wiggled her nails against the back of your neck. You curled up into a ball, swatting at her while laughing.

“Get over here you little troublemaker,” Natasha said, now squeezing the back of your neck, causing you to squeal and beg for mercy.

“Oh alright, you’ve had enough,” Natasha said, now releasing you from her grip.

“Thanks for helping me try to get over my fear of spiders,” you said, snuggling up against her.

“Are you still afraid of me?” Natasha asked with a smile.

“Well, now you made me have two fears. Spiders and the tickle monster,” you said, poking her ribs.

She swatted your hands away with a glare.

“Well, the tickle monster isn’t ticklish,” Natasha said, as you took that as a challenge.

You snuck your finger under her arm when she wasn’t looking, causing her to yelp and jerk her arm down.

“Y/N! I warned you!” Natasha said, pinning you down for round two of tickle torture.

[toycarousel]

Hiiiiiii! I don't know how to title this, so I'm just going to get into it. I know I've talked about going through University and how that's kept me from doing any voice work for the past couple years (and that's true, but I mean... I've been in University for a long time now, and I wanted to get into the reasons for that).

I've mentioned this before on this account, but I've been struggling with borderline personality disorder (BPD), social phobia, PTSD, constant nightmares, and related hard drug and alcohol addictions since around 2014. Sometimes things got better, oftentimes they got worse. I quit cocaine in 2016 and crystal meth in early-mid 2017, but never quite kicked alcohol (the worst one imo, because it's dangerous to quit it cold turkey -- that one can kill you).

So I'm writing this from a detox centre right now, pumped full of valium and clonidine so I don't die from liquor withdrawal seizures or sudden cardiac death.

Everyone here complains about it (and the food does totally suck lmao), but the centre is actually pretty great! At least compared to the first one I went to in Alberta back in 2016, and I'm only here for a week. Detox is different from rehab -- it's basically a short term medical thing where they have nurses and doctors on staff to make sure alcohol withdrawals don't kill you. I've had several related seizures in the past, and every time you have one of those, your risk of having another rises, so I'm at high risk and they're monitoring me carefully.

So yeah, that's why I haven't been around much. Going through a lot. I'll get more into the reasons for it all sometime, as well as the follow-up steps I'll be taking for mental health and addiction maintenance.

Also, during my more stable/good days, I will be getting back into voice acting. It's one of my favourite art forms and it means a lot to me! I miss that part of myself and getting to share it with people!

***EDIT: Oh, yeah, and in the meantime, I've been spending more time on my personal blog manicpixiedreamtwink.

(There isn't any voice work over there, it's kind of just a personal update/aesthetic/meme/poetry/art inspiration sort of place! I try not to romanticize anything dire in terms of mental health, but I do discuss my own experiences with BPD, OCD, trauma, etc., so fair warnings for that!)

[simp999]

A New Home Ch. 37

Various! Splatoon Manga x Skilled! Isekai'd! Reader

Wc: 1.2k

Back to the start! Previous Next

"If you are, then tell us what part, hm? Name us two idols that are known from there." He didn't let you answer.

You stood frozen. What was up with this all of a sudden?

He tugged at your arm harshly.

"Answer me!"

"It's-it's not what it seems-"

"Then what is it?! How do you know us so well? Are you a stalker? Are you an otherworldly being? I've seen you lip-syncing some things some of us have said. You couldn't possibly know us that well."

Rider refused to let go of your arm as you attempted to wriggle out of his grasp, terrified. What were they going to do to you? Where was your team?

"I'm-" You took a breath in. In a fit of panic for your safety, you breathed out: "You're right, I'm- I'm from another world."

They held their weapons up, they were afraid of you. But more than you were of them, you weren't too sure at the moment.

"SPIT IT OUT!"

You began to tear up.

Mask is the only slightly understanding one. "Weeeapons down, iiidiotss. They're unarmed. Chill a biiiit. Why does this change anything anywaaay? You all respected theeem without issuesss before Rider brought anything uuuup."

You shook in fear as tears fell freely. You never expected this from your idols. From characters you grew to love so much, even more after meeting them.

Rider let go of you.

"...How do you know us?"

You took a breath in and rubbed your arm where he had held it previously.

"You're from a manga in my world."

"We're... characters?"

You nodded your head, beginning to regret everything.

"You're very real to me, though! And many other fans. I...care a lot about you guys. That's, ah, how I know you so well."

From behind you, you heard the clatter of a weapon against the ground. You quickly spun around, taking on a slight offensive stance- almost a protective one in front of the S4 without so much as a second thought. You froze when you recognized your family.

Now from behind you, Aloha spoke:

"... you made us like you on purpose."

You do a double-take between your family and Aloha. You really didn't want to involve them, but you were panicked and not thinking straight.

"No- I,, actually did my best to avoid you guys as much as possible when I first got here, not wanting to mess with the story."

"What changed?" Army spoke.

"I grew comfortable. I felt safe around you guys...until now."

Army's shoulders slumped a bit at the statement, while Skull's frown faltered. Rider's eyes grew wide, and Aloha's jaw hung open a bit. That broke their hearts. Your family? - No. Your... team, stood frozen.

Leo's voice cracked as he spoke:

"You.. were just using us? Because you wanted to be some main character?"

"NO! .. no, I'm. Cod, no. Absolutely not. You're my family- and you.. mmm,, there's a lot to discuss right now, huh.. well, to put it simply- I never knew you guys existed before our first meeting. I promise you."

"But you just said-"

"You- Tasha, Milo, and Leo- weren't a part of the original story. I have no idea where you came from, in all honesty."

"Is that why you were so nervous about certain battles?"

"...Yes. Goggles was supposed to be in our place, winning against Emperor."

Leo chuckles.

"Hah, sounds like him."

He smiles.

Rider speaks up:

"So you cheated in all your battles?"

"I'm.. not sure what you consider cheating. Here, I should probably explain everything, huh..."

You explain how none of your battles were 'canon'. Obviously, since you and your... team, aren't a part of the original story. You explained everything as best as you could, hands still shaking. You attempted to soothe yourself by toying with the hem of your top.

"..then your skill, where did it come from? Everyone knows that you came outta nowhere."

"That's... something I don't quite understand either. Back in my world there were a few video games that gave me my quick reaction time- but being so good with my main gear specifically? No idea how it worked out that way. Maybe from analyzing your guys' play styles? Just like we did together," You gestured towards your team.

... It would be too much to explain that they were from a game, too. This was the best you could do.

It didn't quite add up, but Rider let it slide once he caught the way your hands were shaking.

"Soooo, what you're saaayiiing is that you've been... isekai'd?"

You chuckle lightheartedly at the idea. You nod, you suppose so.

Everyone has questions on their mind, but nobody dares speak up.

Will your family ditch you now? Does anyone still not believe you? The silence was deadly.

"No matter where you came from, your skill is still impressive." Skull was the first to speak up. As surprised as you should be, he was the first you'd assume would be so nonchalant, with that air-headedness of his.

You sighed out. That was two of them that seemed to at least partially be on your side.

Rider stood silent, while the others began calmly asking you questions.

"We're...characters?"

You freeze in place, attempting to script what you'll say next. Rider looked defeated.

"This world is very real. To you, and everyone else here. Including me. My world-back home almost feels... fake, for me to think about it. Like it no longer exists."

That seemed to relax him a little.

"Don't'chya miss your family?"

"I'm with my favorite characters ever, Leo. You think I miss my family? I mean yeah but..." You gesture towards the S4.

"Oh.. yeah, I guess, huh? Man, meeting them for the first time must've been totally wack compared to how it was for us meeting them. Like...woah. That'd be like meeting Squidsune Miku or some idol like that."

You giggle at the comparison, and nod. Something like that.

"What was the most difficult thing to adapt to?"

Army with the technological questions, of course.

"No taking notes, 'kay? But...cod the texture of the tentacles sure are weird. And why are they so sensitive! Hair shouldn't be like that!"

You do your best to keep everything you say calculated and lighthearted, noticing how they're still not completely certain on you.

Aloha finally speaks up.

"I...think I need to think this over."

His tone was one you never thought you'd hear from the eccentric squid. Thanks to it, the S4 members thought over the reality of the situation. Army's brows furrowed, Rider's shoulders slumped, Skull glanced away when you looked at him, and Mask looked between each of his teammates with an indistinguishable expression. It's almost as if they all realized how completely insane you sound. Since when are they this trustworthy? They're the S4. Nothing should get past them. They then backed away from you, one at a time, leaving you with your team.

They stood stuck in place too. You really did sound insane, didn't you? Were you trying to gaslight them? What if they are just characters, then what? Do their lives even matter?

Why didn't you tell your fam-team, anything? Have you been cheating this whole time?

"I think we need some time alone, too." Milo barely appeared apologetic.

You messed up, haven't you?

Looks like you were back to sleeping on that damned bench.

.

.

.

Next Part

May. 23, 24

[pinkdreamcollectorsworld]

Hello! I'm sorry for not getting to this post earlier, life's been crazy the last week hahaha (adulting, ya know?)

I watched the finale and boy howdy it had me in my feels 😅😅

If you haven't watched it yet, this is a post that definitely contains spoilers so read at your own risk!

Wanted to start off with some of the plots that stood out to me the most. these are just my thoughts and opinions/ feelings so please be nice in the comments. I kinda wanted this to be a discussion post for anyone interested.

Bobby- he lived! I'm so so so glad he was okay, i lowkey thought we were losing him. He's honestly one of my personal faves so idk how I would have felt if he didn't make it 😭😭 I also just wanted to point out, he literally quit, almost died, and then walked into the station like nothing happened. I cannot wait to see how the team is going to handle him quitting and literally not saying anything before everything went down. Like was he just planning on not telling them at all?? Also, in terms of what his plan was, honestly broke my heart. He DESERVES the life he built. He DESERVES the family he built. And the scene with him and Amir just.... ugh. Amir might not forgive him but I wasn't expecting him to tell Bobby he earned the right to a life and family despite what happened. His montage at the beginning of last episode BROKE ME.

Athena- Homegirl was out for BLOOD! Look, I love athena, but she literally misuses her job for personal gain and expects no consequences😭 both her and Bobby have been through SO MUCH these last few seasons. In terms of Amir, I think they just needa let the man live his life. Yes, her being there pretty much saved him from the cartel, but guys, she ate her words by pulling a gun on him. Im not sure what season she says it but she tells someone that it is in fact considered assault when you point a gun at someone. Angela Bassett performance this episode was 10/10, probably one of her best performances so far imo

Hen & Karen- omgggg these two I tell you. They can't catch a break😭😭 the way they lost Mara simply because a councilwoman was on a power trip just had me in TEARS. They deserve to have Mara in thier life, no matter what. I think they are good for her. She's good for them and Denny. I hope we get to see thier story progress more next season.

Maddie&Chim- THESE TWO! The fact that they were there when Hen got the call about Mara and were the ones who got her out of the group home just does something to my heart ngl. I literally love them both so much. They are so so kind and caring about the people in thier life.

Eddie& Chris- this is the one that truthfully really made me question some things. Eddie really, REALLY needs to talk to someone. The whole thing with Kim just, makes me feel icky. Did not like that little subplot one bit. I understand that Kim was simply trying to help, but I honestly think it made things so so much worse. Especially when Chris and Marisol walked in the door at the end of the moment. Chris literally stood there, and said "Mom?" He's traumatized for life. I honestly agree with his decision to call his grandparents. Little guy just needs a break. He needs space. His dad is going through something that he as a CHILD shouldn't have to endure as well. I know some people hate that Chris called the grandparents, and I know that Eddie really didn't want to let Christopher go but he needed to.. even if he didn't want to.. I think Eddie is going to be going through it next season and I can't wait to see what they do with him next season.

Buck- Buck, Buck, BUCK theres so much that I loved about him this episode. The fact that he showed up for Eddie and Chris and said "what can I do" I just... *chefs kiss* He showed up and said "I can't explain this to your kid but I will make damn sure he's okay" and DID. He made sure that Chris was okay, and on top of that made sure Eddie was also okay. And when the grandparents showed up, even though he couldn't convince Chris to stay, he didn't try to get any more involved than was necessary. You can see on his face that he's sad about Chris wanting to leave, but understands. He's sad for Eddie and put his hand on his shoulder to say, "I'm sorry, but im here for you". In my opinion, Buck has grown so so much since the first season and he's become another one of my favs.

Buck&Tommy- (I felt they needed thier own little section) I love what the actors, showrunners and writers are doing with this. Tommy and buck are in a HEALTHY, STABLE, relationship. It might have started out just a little rocky, but they've built on it and each other and im HERE FOR ITTTT! The vulnerability between the BOTH of them about thier own fathers/ father figures when Tommy asked buck if he was okay really proved that they are at the point in the relationship that they can open up to each other, and that Tommy cares. They know how to read each other. In terms of the daddy issues topic, im glad that queer, MASCULINE MEN are shown in a proper, HEALTHY, SHAMELESS sexual relationship. Buck opened the door by flirting and tommy picked it right up and im here for it. There wasn't anything "weird" or "out of left field"about it, Buck wanted to see if Tommy could match his freak and he DID! I genuinely hope they grow next season and give us more insight into thier relationship dynamic.

I also just wanted to point out, Cap literally told Buck "hes good for you, because we haven't had to talk about it" like what other proof do people need to see that they are a good match? Literally every other relationship buck has had, has ended in disaster. I don't think there was a partner he had that didn't warrant a discussion between him and Cap before Tommy came around.

The team all together- the fact that they all dropped everything to be there for Cap and athena really shows that they are a family.

Captain Gerrard- not much to say, not surprised that they brought him back, next seasons gonna interesting. Still a POS in my book no matter WHAT they do with his character.

All in all I loved the season finale. I loved that they wrapped up most of the major storylines to open the door for a new one (captain Gerrard return to the 118)

Thanks for reading if you stayed through this jumbled mess!

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

Hopeless: Part One

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.1k

Summary: You and your lawyer try to fight your unlawful arrest but it's not looking good. The entire team feels your loss and tries to concentrate on the case at hand. None of them can predict the outcome.

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill

Season Five Masterlist

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there are any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them.

x

"There is no lasting hope in violence, only temporary relief from hopelessness." - Kingman Brewster, Jr.

You haven't received your cell number, so you're stuck in the interrogation room awaiting that information. You're already at the prison in Goochland but away from the rest of the inmates. Still, you can feel every bit of despair and sadness seeping through the walls. Your anxiety is in the form of tapping your finger on the desk and bouncing your leg. Your lawyer, Steve Grant is on his way to you to discuss your options and the details of the case.

The door to the interrogation room opens, and Steven walks in wearing a very nice suit and an expensive-looking briefcase.

"Y/N? My name is Steven Grant. I'm sure you know who I am by this point."

"Yeah, my father sent you to me?"

"Yes." He takes a seat across from you and opens his briefcase where the files of your case are. He removes the files and lays them out so you both can see it. "Let's get started, shall we?"

"I should start by saying I didn't do this. I've never seen those men before in my life. If I'm not at work, I'm at home with my boyfriend. I'm in the FBI, why would I want to kill one person much less seven?"

"You know more than most that people in power can do pretty horrible things."

"Before we begin, I just want to say I have everything riding on this. I have a life, a boyfriend, a home to get back to."

"I understand. I will do my best to give you the best possible outcome. They gave me everything they have on your case, so we'll go over the evidence and see if we can contradict what they have. Then, we'll go over possible alibis and prepare for the kind of questions they might ask you. They're giving us a couple of hours together, so that should be more than enough time."

"Okay," you whisper.

The tapping on the desk and bouncing of your leg doesn't stop. All you can think about is Spencer and how he must be taking this. You can't imagine he's doing well. In fact, he's far from it. He walks into work with his hair a bit messy, his eyes a bit puffy, and not his usual smile on his face. He's a complete wreck. He misses you so fucking much and hates that you're locked up for something you didn't do.

All he wants to do is visit you but they're not allowing visitors. You don't have access to a phone, so he's pretty much stuck where he is. He's so fucking sad all the time. He won't feel better until you're out and back in his arms. Derek sees the young genius hunched over as he walks past, and his heart aches for him. The entire team meets in the briefing room to go over the current case, but there is tension in the air because you're not with them.

"I know you're all worried about Y/N, but until we can figure out what's going on with her, I need everyone on assigned cases," Hotch says.

"I talked to the Captain of Virginia PD, but they don't want the Feds on it. Not since he knows she's one of us," JJ sighs.

"Screw them. We should be working on her case," Derek says.

"I understand, Morgan, but the focus is on this case right now. I will do my best to coordinate with Virginia PD. I promise I am doing whatever I can to help her, even if it doesn't look like it. JJ, begin."

"We've got four dead in a home invasion in southeast D.C."

"What was the cause of death?"

"Blunt force trauma. No knife or gun present at the scene."

"Have we been invited in?"

"Yeah, the cops want us to meet them at the crime scene."

"Isn't southeast where all that vandalism's been lately?" Emily asks.

"It's the same area, yeah. Do you think they could be connected?"

"I don't know. The weapon certainly doesn't fit the typical MO of a home invasion killer."

"Well, it's worth considering. It's common for vandalism to escalate into violence, plus there's a lot of anger out there. That neighborhood's mostly black working class. Now, it's being gentrified while the people who live there are having a tough time. Were the victims wealthy?"

"Yeah, it was two couples. They were both part of the influx of new wealth in the area."

"Did police report a robbery?"

"Nothing was taken."

"What race were the victims?" Derek asks.

"One couple was white, the other black."

"Well, if this is related to vandalism, four dead is a hell of an escalation."

"So, there's the potential for a lot more bodies out there?"

"That's what I'm afraid of. We leave in five," Hotch says and packs up his things.

The crime scene is in a house that has steps leading up to the front door, so Spencer stays outside with JJ and Hotch. The lead detective on the case is waiting for the team when they arrive, and JJ shakes his hand.

"Detective Andrews? I'm Jenifer Jareau. These are agents Rossi, Morgan, Hotchner, Prentiss, and Dr. Reid."

"Thanks for getting here so fast."

"What can you tell us?"

The detective walks to a car outside the house that has been blocked off by police tape. There is blood on the car and on the ground, signifying that an attack took place.

"It looks like one of the victims was attacked when he got out of his car. This means whoever did this probably used his keys to get inside and surprise the other victims."

"Who found the bodies?"

"The cleaning woman. She's giving her statement now."

"Dave, would you, Morgan, and Prentiss go inside? We'll cover out here," Hotch says.

"I know you're all used to this, but it's a hell of a sight in there," Andrews sighs and leads the three agents up the steps.

Spencer stays outside since he can't walk up the stairs but when the door is opened, he can see the array of bodies inside covered with white sheets. Emily and Derek are visibly upset but Rossi can tell that it's not because of what's in front of them. Derek looks around the room and clenches his hands into fists before releasing them.

"Are you two okay?"

"Y/N should be here," Derek says.

"I know."

"She would have already known what kind of unsub we'd be dealing with," Emily adds.

All three people hear a sniffle come from outside, and they see Spencer trying not to cry. Rossi is the only one who goes out there to talk to him while Derek and Emily stay inside to inspect the crime scene.

"Hey, kid, she's going to be okay."

"I should be with her," Spencer sighs.

"The most you can do for her is work the case. You know she would have wanted that."

Spencer shakes his head angrily and glares at Rossi.

"Don't talk about her like she's never coming back."

Spencer hobbles away and Rossi goes back inside the house to help Derek and Emily.

"Did the neighbors see anything?" JJ asks the detective.

"Oh, you know, the patrol cars are even doubled in this area because of the vandalism but nothing."

"The unsub would have to be extremely fast and efficient," Spencer adds.

"Look at this." Hotch kneels down next to the car and points to a red puddle on the ground and much smaller drops around it. "There's a pool of blood here and then drops as the victim moves toward the door. How big was the victim?"

"6'1", 6'2". Why?"

"If he was strong enough to move under his own power, you'd expect signs of a struggle. If not, there'd most likely be drag marks. He was carried. That's a lot of dead weight for one person to move alone."

"There's no pool of blood on the porch which means they didn't have to set him down to open the door. There's more than one unsub."

"So, victim one gets dropped here," Rossi points to where the first victim lays, "while number two comes around the corner to see what's going on, and the unsub attacks him there."

"The female victims were probably here when the first attack occurred," Emily points to a spot in the corner. "Which means somebody would have to control them pretty quickly. How many unsubs are you thinking?"

"At least one to move the body inside, another one to take out man number two, and one more to subdue the others."

"Well, vandalism breeds a pack mentality," Emily scoffs.

"If it's the same unsubs, then we're looking at a group of three, maybe four. These aren't kids. They're too efficient. There's control and precision. Juveniles are sloppy."

"He's right," Emily nods. "There is nothing tentative about these kills. There's no experimentation. These guys know what they're doing."

"I don't know," Derek sighs.

"What are you thinking?"

"I can understand vandalism escalating into violence, but that's usually gradual. This? This feels fully evolved."

The local police can handle cleaning up the crime scene, so the team heads back to the BAU to discuss the details of the case and what the next steps should be. Spencer sits down inside the office, looks at your empty chair, and grows sad. JJ pulls up the details of every crime related to the case on the big screen.

"Okay, on September 3rd, fifteen luxury cars had their windows smashed. On September 14th, a new upscale clothing boutique was vandalized. On September 24th, two different restaurants, both catering to a wealthy clientele, had their front windows smashed and their interiors torn apart. Finally, on October 1st, a newly renovated townhome was ransacked before the family could move in."

"So, they went from attacking public property to a private residence, but no victim?"

"The question is, what makes them move from that to this?"

"The vandalism targets were all symbols of the neighborhood's changing makeup and economy. Maybe there's something specific about these victims that set the unsubs off."

"I've spoken to the victims' family members. They've agreed to come in and help however they can," JJ says.

"Garcia, check social networking sites and see if these unsubs have coordinated these attacks online."

"If they dare tweet, I shall flush them out like a bird dog, sir," Penelope declares and leaves the briefing room.

"We need to be asking how these unsubs manage to not stand out in this neighborhood. Each of these crime scene locations is a representation of new wealth and status, but the area surrounding the crime scenes is still populated by long-time residents who are slowly being pushed out."

"That's a lot of disenfranchised people who are all part of the neighborhood makeup. Most likely these unsubs don't stand out because they're probably local themselves."

"I don't know. I'm with Rossi," Emily says to Derek. "I mean, the anger I get, but this much violence? We're looking at at least three men with an incredible amount of rage. Where do you hide that?"

Hotch's phone rings and he sees it's Cheif Strauss calling. He excuses himself and steps into a nearby empty office to take the call.

"Good afternoon, Chief Strauss."

"Good afternoon. I bet you can guess why I'm calling."

"We're working hard on the assigned case. I'm confident my team can handle this."

"I'm not calling about that. I'm calling about Y/N and her arrest." Hotch's heart drops but he keeps his cool. "I'm surprised you didn't call me about this."

"I'm handling it, ma'am."

"Local police have been in contact with me about you. They do not want our help on this. I know it's difficult, but you cannot be working on her case. None of your team can."

"I understand," Hotch sighs.

"I mean it, Aaron. Stay out of this one and let the local police handle it. Your involvement wouldn't be the best idea considering she is under your supervision. I'd hate to have to replace a good team for something like this."

"Yes, ma'am."

Strauss hangs up and Hotch sighs in frustration. It's going to be a lot harder to get information on your case if the local PD is going to his boss about his involvement. He pockets his phone and walks to Penelope's office to see where she's at. He knocks once and enters only to see the details of your case on her computer screen. She has the different victims on display to see the connection, and Hotch shakes his head.

"Garcia, I need you to focus on the case at hand."

"Sorry, sir." She exits out of every tab pertaining to your case. "I have the information you were looking for. My list has seven hundred and thirteen hits."

"Okay. Listen, Strauss cut us off from working on Y/N's case. If she finds out you're looking into it, you can be fired. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good." Hotch leaves her office and rejoins Derek in the briefing room. "I had Garcia run records on anyone in the target area who in the last year was foreclosed upon, filed for bankruptcy, or applied for unemployment, and then narrowed that list down to men between the ages of twenty-five and forty-five."

"And?"

"Seven hundred and thirteen hits."

"The victims' families are here," JJ announces.

There are so many people inside the BAU that keep the entire team busy. Spencer has his part to do but he can't help but feel a bit distracted. His mind often drifts to you and what you might be doing right now.

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[34saveme34]

Snowtrapped 2 but it's emotional instead

I barely edited this thing but I must post it <3 I like it too much tbh

anyways light touches of suggestive, and references at snowtrapped obviously, although they don't outright talk about it, no cover this time we die like men

anyways word count: 4602

It started like any other day. With the usual arguments following them, as they perpetrated the intense part of their dynamic. 3 agitated 4, 4 agitated 3, hijinks ensued. It was how it always went these days. The 2 were fine with this… for the most part. The worst part of this was that both of them were sensitive but still liked to mess with each other. They had to walk a thin line for nothing bad to happen. And boy, was that hard. 

It was a snowy day, and 3, 4 and friends went to an especially snowy place as a vacation. They all deserved it. Although, the snow could bring out memories for the 2, it was a bit easier now to push it to the back of their heads. It was the past. It was a different time. They were different. They felt different. They’re friends at this point! Although 3 seemed to deny it a lot, 4 could see through that. Which is also why it was so tragic when he accidentally pushed 3 too hard and had to again see the man upset by his own actions. It always reminded him of the past. Something he had a complex relationship with, as it was something that affected him to this day, with all its differences, similarities and furthermore things that would just confuse him. Confuse him in so many ways. He wished he had answers. Maybe he wished a bit too hard. 

As their snowy hijinks, which they were doing with their friends brought them to an all too familiar situation: being snowed in. No escape. Only each other’s company. It was almost like faith that it was only those 2. Or maybe it was planned, who knows.

“Ugh…” 4 got up as he fell in pretty hard, he was on top of 3, more or less.

“Get off me, you bitch!” 3 quickly pushed him off, annoyed at 4. 

As they got up, looking at the door, both realized what happened. And that they were stuck together.

“You’ve got to be kidding me” both said at the same time which made the 2 glare at each other.

“This is all your fault!” 3 yelled at 4.

“Mine??! How would it be mine?? I wasn’t the one launching a whole damn avalanche!”

“Shut the fuck up” 3 sat down, grabbing at his face. It seemed he was trying to keep at least some sanity.

“No, you shut the fuck up!” 4 said, also sitting down, facing away from 3. 

Truly maturely they stayed like this for a while not uttering a word. But soon, the cold set in.

“Hey… 3…. m… my man” 4 sat beside 3, who looked at him cautiously.

“Yeeees?” he squinted at 4, not trusting him for a second.

“I’m cold”

“Well, shit, 4, I don’t control the weather!”

“No, I mean-”

“I’m definitely not desperate enough for that yet…”

“Yet?” 4 teased him, for which 3 hit him hard in the head.

“Stupid”

“In the meantime while you get over that, we could try and get out somehow. At least try.”

3 sighed as he got up.

“You’re unfortunately right…”

“Maybe we could even find a meme and use it to get out!”

“Yea, good thinking” 3 mumbled it a bit, although 4 could still understand.

“Don’t know why you need to be so defensive about me being right”

“YOU do the same thing as well”

4 was about to protest but realised that 3 was kind of right.

“Oookay…” 

They started really examining the place. Not much food, no meme in sight, a single blanket folded neatly in a closet.

4 took it for himself fast.

“Hey, you hogger!” 3 glared at 4.

“As I said before-”

“I’m not cuddling your stupid ass!”

4 looked down to his feet. He knew that it was just their thing but.

“I really thought we got further…”

“What did you say?” 3 looked at him with an expression that was hard to read.

This scared 4. He wasn’t sure what to do, repeating it felt like a hard task, so he just stared.

“You can’t just talk in half sentences, 4”

“I just… thought you’d be more comfortable with me at this point”

3 was about to protest but thinking about it, he really should’ve been less stupid about it.

“I can’t just- I’m tense, okay, I’m tense! Are you happy now that I told you??”

4 chuckled.

“You never really tell me. I just have to guess myself how you feel”

“Well, you aren’t the easiest case yourself- it- ugh, I don’t want to go into it, definitely not right now-”

“Into what?”

“It doesn’t matter, forget about it”

“3…”

“Don’t 3 me”

4 sat down with the blanket under him so it wouldn’t be as uncomfortable to sit. 3 paced around for a bit. Tried to use his hands as shovels to maybe get out then quickly gave up. This kept repeating. It was kind of tiring to watch. 4 was on the verge of commenting on it. But he could see that he shouldn’t: 3 looked close to snapping. He knew that look. It was upsetting.

Especially as 3 seemed to tire, having to keep up with the cold, now he was starting to feel it too. He leaned against the cold wall, trying not to let the cold get to him. 

4 was watching him. It was awful to watch. He could see 3 slowly slipping down against the wall. 

“Alright, that’s enough” 4 had enough of this as he wrapped his arms and blanket around 3, who didn’t have nearly as much fight in himself as before.

“Dude…”

“What?”

“...Thanks.” 3 lightly leaned closer into 4 arms. That was shocking to 4. He wasn’t sure how to feel.

Sure, he insisted on 3 joining him, but he… never really considered what he would do once he did. He never considered what would happen if 3 didn’t fight him. The comfort made him weird. He wanted to stay somewhere deep in his heart but decided to just slip right out of the blanket and just put it on 3.

“Oh..?” 3 looked at him, the weakness in his eyes showing. He looked painfully genuine.

“I’ll try myself this time”

3 glared then looked away from 4. It was hard to tell what he might be thinking.

4 tried to separate the snow. It was easy, the snow was soft yet cold, and the more he would shovel with his hands to the side, the more would fall in. He panicked, which made him feel agitated as he started to get faster with it. He got so fast the snow of the ceiling fell on him, leaving him colder than ever.

3 rolled his eyes.

“I always think you can’t be more stupid but you always manage to prove that wrong”

“Sh-Shut U-Up” 4 was practically shaking from the cold. Who knew he was so sensitive.

3 sighed and got up. He brushed the snow off of 4. Usually such casual touch wouldn’t be this bad for him but the isolation was getting to him. He cared so much. But, right now, especially right now, he didn’t want that to come out. He didn’t want his caring side out in the open, for 4 to witness and tease. 

to his surprise 4 only gave him a soft smile before adding a few words to his reaction.

“You didn’t need to do that, I can take care of myself”

3 was disappointed.

“I don’t want to be in the same space with a dead body”

“Hey now, you’re already thinking of me dying??”

“Well… It would be funny now that you say it” 3 grinned.

“I don’t find it funny”

“When did I say I care?”

“I see through you, my friend, I do”

“You’re as blind as a bat actually”

“I’m not, I got the 20/20 vision going for me!”

“Crazy if true, considering how much you’re on your pc”

“SAYS WHO”

“ME”

The 2 glared at each other. For quite a few painful seconds. The tenseness in them took over as they started to fight physically.

Although it was one of those little slap fights. It felt less like a fight and more like a comedy bit.

The 2 separated, although 4 found himself cold again. He stared at 3 without realising.

“What?” 3 asked, in a defensive manner as if 4 was about to strip him with his eyes. The thought sent a shiver down his spine. It just further reminded him of past events… But they were different now, it wouldn’t happen.

4 took a bit but he did manage to snap out of it.

“Huh? Nothing! Nothing at all”

“You’re cold, aren’t you?”

“Noooo, what gave you the impression?”

“You shivering”

4 facepalmed. 3 was right, he couldn’t believe how obvious he was.

“Come here, I did say I don’t want to be stuck with a dead body”

4 resisted first but the cold got to him, he had to. He didn’t like it but he had to.

“Jeez, I didn’t think you would be this cold”

“Why did you think I was shivering”

“... Fair point”

4 leaned into 3’s chest, trying to get closer in a less uncomfortable way. It was really hard though, considering how they were just a few moments ago. He was too tired and cold to care though. He even wrapped his arms around 3, having a secure hold on him. 4 didn’t like how comforting this felt. Something about cuddling 3 felt different. Suddenly  the memories hit him again, of the past. It made him feel a bit gross for his thoughts. He wouldn’t ever wanna think of 3 that way. Not again at least.

The 2 stayed silent for a while, it felt illegal to speak. Even though both of them still felt tense. 3 felt too weird in all this, he had to comment on it.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you enjoyed this”

“What?? You think I do?” 4 looked offended.

“You were cuddling me with the same glee Eggdog would and oooh he loves me a lot” he talked with with his baby voice at the end when mentioning his child. Just simply the thought of him made him feel happy.

4 rolled his eyes.

“I’m just trying to stay warm, really. If I liked cuddling you, I’d do it  outside of dire situations like this”

“Like I’d care if you would… stupid”

“Would you?”

“No!”

“Oooh, but it looks like you would” he found 3’s reaction just a little bit entertaining. Indulging a little shouldn’t hurt much!

“Shut up! I wouldn’t! Even the hand holding feel unnecessary”

“Well, we had to do that, to save the world and all that stuff”

“Okay? Doesn’t change a thing. I don’t like to do it”

4 stared at 3, unimpressed. 3 felt a bit nervous.

“You’re as annoying as ever” 4 said as he got up “You know what, I rather freeze”

3 felt that struck at his heart. That HURT to hear, christ. 

“The fuck you mean you’d rather freeze??”

“If you don’t want to be near me so badly, then I won’t bother you. I can try and bury myself in the snow so you don’t have to face me dead cold”

“Jeez, how kind of you to- HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND??? You THINK I WANT THAT??!”

“FELT LIKE IT”

“YOU DUMB IDIOT”

“DUMB AND IDIOT MEANS THE SAME THING”

“YES, I’M POINTING OUT YOUR SPECIALLY LACK OF SMARTS”

“FUCK YOU”

Aaaand they fought again. This time a bit more violent as 3 pinned 4 down.

“Any last words?” 3 was tired so he didn’t sound as threatening as he would’ve wanted to.

“You’re gay” 4 teased as he pulled 3 down on him with the little strength he had left. Unfortunately, this way they were left to stare at each other, it was kind of hard to pay attention to anything else when they were this close. 3 didn’t look amused. 4 chuckled.

“Gotcha”

“And you said you don’t want me near”

“I would push you off if I had the energy to”

“Nice excuse”

“It’s a reason, not an excuse”

3 sighed as he fully laid his head down on 4’s chest. He was now truly too tired to care.

“Why can’t we just get along”

“Cuz you’re a piece of shit”

3 looked at 4 again, clearly unamused.

“Like yourself, of course”

4 found it interesting how 3 deflected by calling him an ass too.

“Maybe, yeah… I don’t know why really”

“We’re just like this? I guess, I don’t know. We should be, right?”

“It’s… what’s the best, right?”

3 thought for a bit, some hard words on his mind.

“We’re… friends”

“I… I know”

Air felt heavy, as the 2 were trying to comprehend each other, what were they going for.

“You know…” 3 started, already feeling his face heat up “Ever since we became friends, it’s been… a bit less fun to be a villain. Juuust a smidge”

4 found himself smiling, hearing that his heart just warmed up whole.

“Glad to hear that…”

“It’s something I struggle with it a lot though”

“Why so?”

“Who… am I if not your local villain… who would I be?”

The question caught 4 so off guard, staring shocked at 3. He never thought 3 could feel that way. He kind of felt bad for a lot of the things he’s said and done now. He gently grabbed 3’s face by his cheek, by which he noticed 3 being a bit more hot. He was sure it’s just them slowly feeling weird from the cold.

“Hey now, don’t say that… you’re so much more… a cool streamer, a great meme guardian partner… a great friend, maybe… my greatest”

3 was practically turning into a heater from the compliments. But it definitely didn’t mean anything. 3 collected all his courage, to ask one thing he wanted to know.

“Your greatest?”

“Yea… pretty much”

“Isn’t it Mario for you?”

“You’re… different”

“Different?”

“Well, you know- yeah, you’re a friend in a different way than he is to me. You’re just… different… I guess, we just work differently”

“You mean the meme guardian stuff?”

4 glanced to the side, it was hard to guess what he could mean by that.

“That too”

“You know… I do kind of find it weird… that we have to hold hands to use our powers.. or at least touch”

“Yeah… but I don’t think you would be this close to me without it”

“Let’s not even think about that”

3 looked kind of bummed about the idea.

“Awww, you’d miss being friends with me that much?”

3 growled, though too tired to act.

“You say that like you wouldn’t”

“Of course, I would miss it so much” 4 said, hugging 3. The air being not so tense felt nice. It was easier to express himself.

3 was in deep, Jesus. He could barely think, besides lightly hugging back. 

“You could’ve warned me at least”

“Nope, it’s more fun this way”

“But you said you care about me”

“There’s some privileges you’ll never get”

“Tch… stupid”

“Ahem… Tsundere”

3 stared at 4, a single word making him feel energy come back to him. Out of anger of course. God, that made him so so angry.

“Not that word again, no, shut the fuck up. No one wants to hear that, idiot”

“I wanted to hear it personally” 4 chuckled.

“For what? You’re implying you’re my crush or something? You’re wrong then, bitch” 3 got up, angrily pointing and gesticulating. Oh, that touched a nerve, didn’t it.

4 raised an eyebrow.

“I didn’t say that… Only you did, just now” 

3’s face was painted with realisation, as then colour drained from his face. Oh no, he did not fucking do that!!

“The word is literally used that way. How am I supposed to take it then? Why did you call me that anyways, asshole” 3 turned away from 4.

“I just found it fits… even in a platonic way. It’s so obvious you want affection but you still push people away”

3 looked back at 4 then away.

“Just like that” 4 sighed.

“You… YOU” 3 turned back “ You ALWAYS think you’re the bigger and better person”

“Well, I am right now? I’m not the one misinterpreting shit”

“You just have this air around you, you know? Like you always think you’re the god of this show! That nobody is better than you, especially me, I’m really tired of that. Really fucking tired”

“Are you really getting mad about me calling you a tsundere??”

“IT’S MORE THAN THAT”

“HOW CAN IT BE MORE???”

“IT’S A PATTERN… a long going one” 3 stared daggers into 4. It was like a whiplash compared to what they had previously.

“What pattern???”

“Stuff’s always about you. You’re always trying to one up me as well. It feels like whenever you butt into something, it becomes about you.”

4 stared. He didn’t know what to do with that information.

“You’re so weird. First you say you wished we were friends earlier, now you berate me”

“Because you can’t shut the fuck up when you need to. Maybe if you did, we would get along better”

“Well, MAYBE, if you stopped being an ASSHOLE, that would help a lot more”

“MAYBE. IF YOU STOPPED BEING SUCH A WHINY BITCH IT’D HELP EVEN MORE”

The 2 stared at each other, unsure whether to feel angry or sad. 

“You know where it hurts, huh? You know me so well you know EXACTLY what to say to make me angry” 4 spoke, anger seething through him.

“Not hard when you get upset about everything!!”

“You make me more than upset”

“Oh yeah? What do I make you, huh? Tell me”

4 looked down.

“Confused. And sad. You make me sad”

3 stared at him.

“That’s it? Really?”

“Do you really want to know?”

“Well, now I god damn do, not like I care about your thoughts”

4 had enough, as he got up and pushed 3 against the wall. It was cold, just as cold as 4’s stare.

“Do you REALLY want to know, 3?”

3 tried to look anywhere but 4. 4 grabbed 3’s chin.

“I… I guess… I can’t really back down now, can I?” 3 was visibly nervous. 

“You make me so… bad. I feel bad, each time. I don’t know why”

3 still tried looking away from 4. This was starting to feel uncomfortable.

“So… you don’t even know how I make you feel, huh?”

“Well, how do I make YOU feel then? Huh?”

“Tense, very tense. Especially right now, with backing me into a wall and everything”

“Ah-” 4 stepped back, giving 3 his space back. He felt a bit embarrassed about what he did. He realised what that looked like now- he was glad it was only 3 to see him do something like this. Since considering how they were, this was definitely not getting out from between the 2 of them.

As they stood there, they felt cold again. 3 thought for a bit then grabbed the blanket and threw it over 4’s shoulder as he then leaned into him, shoulder to shoulder. It wasn’t too much to handle at least. 4 stayed silent but he didn’t move either. His head seemed to be full of thoughts. 

“Hey… I’m sorry, 3… I gotta learn how to control myself around you”

3 looked at him, with a questioning look.

“I mean yeah but… what the hell do you mean? Around me”

“You just bring the worst out of me”

“Well… I can’t argue with that”

“I think… I do the same to you…”

“Hmm…”

Both stayed silent for a while, then 4 spoke words that had no right to hurt so much.

“It feels like we’d be better apart…”

3 didn’t even know how to react. He just… stood there. 4 couldn’t look at him for a bit, feeling his own words even claw at his own heart. But when he did… oh, he wished he didn’t.

He didn’t want to see 3 so sad, tears running down his cheek. His lips trembled looking back at 4 before punching him in the face.

“WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT??” 

4 stumbled but didn’t fall. He was never able to say the right words.

“I… well” he felt himself getting drawn to tears as well “We… fight so much…”

“I care too much about you”

“I know but… look, it feels like we never get along… I care too and the idea hurts me too…” his tears came too, matching 3.

I just- I can’t do this-” 3 started pacing and suddenly decided to get back to the snow again, desperately wanting to get out.

4 felt guilty. He felt awful. He thought this would give him some peace of mind but it didn’t. He thought, he thought very hard- how could he solve this? How could he make this right for 3?

“How could I… make this right for you?” 4 asked, his voice weak.

“By shutting the fuck up” 3 continued shovelling the snow with desperation. 3’s hands felt cold. Way too cold. But at least it was almost distracting him from 4’s stinging words. 

4 hated looking at what 3 was doing. He turned away, trying to close him out but the quiet sobs and the soft noises of the snow being shovelled by hand was too prominent in his mind. He wasn’t able to close it out, not even a little bit. He clenched his fists. He must do something. Anything. Just stop this.

3’s hands were starting to hurt so much he could barely take it. But it didn’t make him want to stop. What stopped him was 4 grabbing both of his hands and pulling him away from the snow. And 4 wasn’t easy on him, having strong grips on both his hands. As 4 felt just how cold 3’s hands were, he held on even more, pulling 3 close.

“I can’t… I can’t just watch you hurt yourself.. you mean too much to me”

“I thought you wanted us apart”

“Want and need are different”

3 looked ahead of himself, embracing he was now trapped in 4’s hold, as much as he didn’t want to be.

“Are you saying you need me?”

“Yes”

4 replied so fast, it made 3 feel a bit hot again. 

“So… you need me, even if I… cause you to be worse?”

“I need you because I…” 4 stopped. 3 paid attention for a bit, waiting for an answer. The more seconds passed the more tense he felt.

“Don’t leave me hanging, dude!” 3 spoke nervously, he hated feeling this uncomfortable.

4 just didn’t move, not until he whipped 3 into a deep embrace, pulling as close as he could. It was the kind of hug you couldn’t escape from, no matter how much you wanted to. It was tight, scary, full of emotion yet somehow fulfilling. 3 slowly hugged him back. It still wasn’t quite as comfortable as he wished it should be, but the tightness definitely helped. He wished it would be just that easy to press the bad things out of him.

This lasted a while, neither wanted to speak. Neither knew what to say. But they both had a lot on their minds. But they chose to remain this way. At least for a while, some peace.

4 slowly pulled out a bit, looking at 3. 3 only noticed a bit after, his face still red from crying and the cold. The 2 just stared at each other. Felt like no one else existed to them but each other. It felt so obvious. It felt so obvious what they wanted, it was written all over them. Just a single thing on their mind, a simple yet disastrous wish. Something so easy yet so hard.

3’s grip tightened on 4 as he pulled him in, it happened so fast, yet 4 followed along immediately. The desperation finally kicked in. They needed each other so so badly and it showed. And when they’d pull away, they’d just pull right back in. Their lips touching were too addictive. It was a rush of excitement neither have felt in a while. 3 was the one to end up against the wall, then quickly switching to 4. 3 had a strong hold on 4 that made him feel weak. He didn’t know that feeling weak by someone could feel so good. It felt like it should be a crime.

They slowly let go, although they didn’t want to. Especially since they then had to face each other. It felt… weird. Where did this come from? Why were they both so into it?

“So… that happened” 4 awkwardly scratched his neck.

3 facepalmed.

“Is that all you’re gonna say?”

“Umm well… I guess I always liked you, heh,... uh… yeah”

3 couldn’t keep a straight face, he laughed. He found 4 ridiculous, yet somehow cute.

“I love you too, idiot” 3 replied finally, after leaving 4 hanging with just laughing.

4 looked down then back at 3. He was visibly getting so giddy it was a joy to watch. 3 pressed a kiss on 4’s cheek. 4 could explode the world with the happiness he was feeling. This whole thing really made him realise what he was feeling, as it was previously an unknown thing to him. He didn’t realise, even though he felt it badly. He’s a fucking idiot.

3 knew very well but it wasn’t exactly something he liked to think about. It was already hard to make friends, let alone admit his feelings for his ex rival. 

“I’m… glad you do, 3”

“Do you know how hard it was to keep this away from you??”

“Uh.. no? I think you hid it well”

“That was the intention”

“Yeah… you know, I only realised just now”

3 blinked at 4.

“You.. You can’t be serious”

“Why can I not be?”

“Whatever… I’m just glad you feel the same”

“Yeah… we’re still trapped though”

“No shit” 3 sighed.

The 2 rested against each other. At least now they had less reason to be tense about that. 

“I mean… the others know we got stuck, right? They should be able to help then…”

“I sure do hope so”

The 2 thought though, anything they can come up with. 3 had an idea float in his mind, now feeling like it’s less embarrassing to suggest.

“Hey so, 4… you know how we channel meme energy with touch?”

“Yeah?”

“What if… it’s possible to channel it with kissing as well?”

4 rubbed his chin then with seemingly zero hesitation, he pulled 3 in for a kiss, and concentrated. Maybe a bit too hard at that, or maybe it was just such a powerful move that the energy practically blew up around them. Their prison was gone. Literally, they blew the whole thing up with their meme energy kiss.

“Woah” 3 chimed up quietly, trying not to look too impressed but… meme explosion?? 2 of the greatest things together??

“Yippee we’re free we’re free!!” 4 hugged 3 and jumped up and down.

That’s when the crew noticed the 2, with 4 jumping around crazy. That’s just how it is with them sometimes. At least they chilled out now! It’s been needed for a long while now.

[existencebringsonlypain]

I may have posted about this before, but I don't understand the whole proshipper/anti debate. As far as I understand, I'm on the side of proshippers (i think fiction is fiction and doesn't have to reflect reality. because it's fiction.), but what I don't get is why there's such a clear defined binary, and why there's such animosity between the two. It's just a difference in opinion, like any other, isn't it? I understand that either group can "take it too far" (though i dont really get how proshippers could be TOO okay with problematic ships). but i really think either viewpoint is fine to a degree, they both have logic behind them, and it's just a matter of preference, isn't it?

[cathodic-clairvoyant]

Oh hi there transfem discussing her experience in the trans community i just had a quick question about your post

What does tme mean?

Oh okay i see i understand, thank you.

What does transmisogyny mean?

Ah I see, I get it.

What's a trans woman?

Oof scary. One last question.

What's a woman?

Thank you for being my own personal google (not like you had anything better to do right?) and derailing the point of your post for my own personal education. I will now add nothing of value to this post in return. Bye bye!