#if you're out there Ana

[lepusrufus]

Ashe sure is an experience alright

[anaalnathrakhs]

oh god ed reddit is having the “uwu anorexia isn’t rooted in fatphobia my mental illness is not abt you” talk again please god help me

fatphobia doesn’t mean “being a meanie to fat ppl” i’m begging you to use critical thinking skills for five seconds and apply what you know about literally any other form of oppression to this situation.

people’s point isn’t that you having anorexia makes them feel bad and therefore you’re a bad fatphobic person.

they’re pointing out how the deeply ingrained fatphobia our society upholds, from misconceptions about health to moralization of looks and weight, including yes being jerks to fat ppl’s faces bc they’re fat, is affecting what you think about your own looks, weight, health, body, clothes, eating habits, etc.

the logic isn’t “you became anorexic because you hate fat people so much you never wanted to be fat yourself (and that makes you a bad person)” it’s “fatphobia is a prism that transforms the root cause of your ed into disordered thoughts, behaviors, and patterns (and unlearning fatphobia will help you with recovery and harm-reduction)”

like. it’s not for no reason that anorexia is a disorder that disproportionatedly affects women. it’s not for no reason that there’s sky high comorbidity rates for eds and ocd. it’s not for no reason that people who need control in their lives so badly that they develop a mental disorder abt it get obssessed with being skinny and not with being a sumo. it’s not for no reason that ppl who feel the need to retract to childhood due to trauma envy things like being skinny light and frail, instead of being a tubby baby. it’s not for no reason that there is an incredibly common anorexic thought pattern (internal and self-directed, don’t make me say what i didn’t say) that associaties restriction and weight loss with moral goodness.

for each of these there IS a number of exceptions, but you can see case by case how the root cause (trauma, need for control, for self-destruction, growing up poor, whatever you think is “unrelated to fatphobia” basically) is processed through the prism of the fatphobic culture we’ve all been raised in. some people just, voluntarily or not, deal with those root causes in different way, which might or might not be healthy. but it’s a consequence of ambiant fatphobia that “i should starve and be skinny about it” is a statistically pretty common response to this distress.

the point isn’t “it’s fatphobic that you don’t deal with your neuroses in a body positive way uwu” the point is that no matter how cool you are with fat people on like, a personal level, you’ve been (like the rest of us) bombarded with fatphobic thought patterns your entire life basically, both directly fatphobic things and reactions to this fatphobia. maybe spoken to you directly, maybe not. maybe about you maybe about other people. you live in a society that places moral values into looks and health, and also pushes some deeply rooted falsehoods about how those things tie into each other. you have a disorder defined by obsessive behaviors. maybe, just maybe, deconstructing the logic that those obsessives behaviors are based upon will help you deal with this disorder. and recover or reduce harm.

basically, anorexia isn’t “getting skinny disorder” it’s “obsession disorder”, obsession with looking attractive, or pleasing your family, or going back to being a kid, or being healthy, or being fit, or being driven and capable, or being worth saving, or having your suffering known, or having control over something, or whatever. the fatphobia that is omnipresent (and i repeat, omnipresent, nobody is singling you out as a bad fatphobic meanie, or even talking about your behavior towards other people around you) in our society picks the direction in which many many people will express that disorder.

of course if you live in a society that tells you “being fat is morally bad” at every turn, when you start developping an obssessive pathological need to control things, without another factor weighting in, most people’s default reaction will be anorexia. food is a regular fixture of everybody’s life, everyone wants to be morally good, and even if we know/understand/believe to an extent the flaws of that “fat = bad” logic we know the world around us still believes it, and nobody wants to be treated like shit. we can think it’s stupid and fight against fatphobia and work to treat fat ppl better in our lives and support body positivity, but in any case, one always judges oneself on different metrics than they judge others, cuz we control our self-improvement. that’s natural. just it doesn’t mesh well with a pathologically obssessive need for control above self-preservation.

[luxurysystems]

Guy who thinks "Casual Friday" just means "wearing his suspenders 'like that' ."

[royalarmyofoz]

Ana Gasteyer 12.09.23 Evanston SPACE (images 1-8 early show, images 9-12 late show)

[linoguy]

-.-

[niuxita21]

One day I’m gonna write a book. Can you imagine? A novel about everything that you and I have gone through? [Mariana laughs] It would be called “Ana and Mariana.” We’re going to be free soon, and we’ll be able to reinvent ourselves. So I’m sure you’re gonna write that book, and it’s gonna be awesome. We’ll see what happens. We have to let things flow, right? I think your novel is gonna be one of those that are pretty dark. Maybe one of those that are so romantic that you can’t put them down?

[something-about-sunflowers]

Thanks very much, pro-anorexia blog that does not follow me, I really appreciate you reblogging a post that mentions struggling with an eating disorder from me and making me see your ~*4e57he71c*~ anorexia tags in my activity feed. To show my appreciation you get a big fat block. Specifically a fat one.

[powderedwhiteviolets]

massive tw for eating disorder related stuff ahead

going on reddit diet subs and seeing such a large congregation of people partaking in my exact behaviour and exact same thought processes and describing them as “lifestyle changes” and “being disciplined/vigilant/insert synonym here about food” and talking about tracking calories and all that nasty shit for the rest of their lives never fails to trigger the hell out of me

[thesean]

i love characters where you're like "i wish i could rescue you from your source media"

[certifiedbi]

First practice session of the wwcr done and carrasco is P1.

Like wow the world champion is better than everyone else what a surprise

[royalarmyofoz]

Ana Gasteyer 12.09.23 early show encore

[oathofkaslana]

hhi lee!!! i hope youre having/had a super-duper great day !! 💜💜💜 i was wondering (since i know theres. much discourse around it in the community.) if there were any hi3 or ggz characters you'd actually like to see expies of, in genshin? -> and,, if there is,, how would you like their stories & characters to be treated in that situation !!!!!!!! :''3

HAIIII CREPE ILYYYY <3333 i am having a fine day :) played a bunch of hi3 and got my friend who wants arle to 60 wishes!! if im honest i did not know there was discourse kjabdkjnsbhdk BUT!!

the obvious answers are, of course, bronya and seele bc i love them and it would mean im a step closer to being able to have a kiamei bronseele genshin team that i can use everyday and ive already talked about tsaritsa bronya (and thus previous cryo archon cocolia) and ive briefly mentioned how interesting it would be to have the seele(s) have some kind of connection to the primordial sea because of her backstory..... <- i don't want it to be the same backstory though for seele. im still unsure about how to write her story in a way that's compelling in part bc im not finished w it!! ill probably develop more thoughts after finishing this arc and reading more ggz. aside from them though.. hm..........

fu hua. sniffles i genuinely think she could be such a fascinating character since her character deals with memory and grief and emotion which is also a biiiig thing in all of liyue's lands (rite of parting and guizhong for the AQ, bosacius with the chasm, the conflict between lingyuan and fujin) not exactly sure i'd like her to be an adeptus though? i haven't finished her story yet but i think it'd be fun to lean into the elseworlds of it all and have her be a martial artist who just started a martial arts academy :''''' it'd be a callback to the taixuan sect. but i'd also really really really want the memory aspect to play some kind of role with her i think it'd be so so interesting if irminsul was somehow connected with her story, even if in a very inconsequential way but im not sure that'd be good for. yk genshins overall story.

oughhh i cant list every taixuan sect member but i think it would be soooo interesting to see lingshuang here and lixue... <- no idea what their stories would be though. god fuck it all what if in this world lixue's mom didnt die when she was young i hate my life.

i also think playable owlana would be adorable but also. can i trust homophobic genshin players w them. i dont think i can. but i do want them to be happy :(

i dont think i want anymore flamechasers? but the most interesting one to put in a genshin scenario would probably be griseo (though theres already a theory about her relating to genshin so.)

it would also be interesting to see some kind of reference to one of sirin's friends :')

[captainbluey]

PSA: if you're pro-ana and following me, block me. you're so fucking gross.

[belastrenchcoat]

.

[thereisnothinghereagain]

Where are all my adult anas?

It's a different world stepping into Eds shoes again half way through life.

I don't have to worry about my parents getting mad at me

I don't have to worry about my school teachers getting mad at me

I don't have the typical teenage drama that spurred this mentality shift

I remember Ed being a call a shout for help just to be seen and cared for as a teenager. But now no one sees me, I have no watchful eyes on me. No one whispering under their breath, no parents staring at me across the dinner table as I play with a half eaten plate, no boy trouble or pubescent drama fueled by hormonal rage and indifference. I'm not doing this to impress the boy I like or try to fit in with the popular kids.

I am invisible

Except from myself.

I'm in a strange state of visible translucency. I tell people I'm fasting and they believe me, I tell people I'm too tired to come meet them for dinner they believe me.

Fuck, even my live out partner whose been here for the last 3 days who I have said the words 4norexi4 to and who has watched me consume nothing but tea for 3 days doesn't question my choices.

How different a world it is when you're seen but not seen. I am validated but I remain a shadow.

[jaydove-writes]

If you're looking for @princesssparkle42 or @jaydovesworld they're my old names for this blog

Doing one of those note things for motivation (or notivation because notes lol)

25 notes - I do the dishes and clean out the litter box (done, for now... But these are Sisyphean tasks)

50 notes - I clean up around the house (I did a little cleanup, might do more later)

100 notes - I do a little work on my book (it still needs editing before I can publish it and write the sequel, but I'll do some work on that when my PC stops crashing)

250 notes - I start working on book 2 (or work harder on editing book 1 if it still needs it)

500 notes - I participate in artfight (in the first July after it reaches this threshold. I doubt it'll get there by this month.)

1k notes - I start working on a video game in the Starbourne multiverse. A small one, like Undertale is to Deltarune. I'm calling it Saturn Robe which is an anagram for Starbourne, like Undertale is for Deltarune.

2.5k notes - I start working on my dream game, Starbourne. The one that's the reason I started writing in the first place. (If the small game isn't finished I work harder on that)

5k notes - I dedicate my time to taking care of myself/my partner/my family, and working on my dream game.

10k notes - I become a god in the Tumblrverse (this will not happen)

If you want to know more about Starbourne, check out my other blog @phiction-of-grandeur and my community for more details. My askbox is always open if you want to ask me something.

Here's the first book now: