#ik I've spoken about it before

[plushie-lovey]

Would I be weird for making a prototype sketch of an idea I have for a jellycat plush? Would I be even weirder if I emailed it to jellycat themselves?

[luvxiem]

luca and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day (until it wasn't)

##INFO

luca kaneshiro x gn!reader, fluff, attempt at humor 💔 mild angst (??) suggestive themes at the end, established relationship except nobody thinks it's real LMFAOOOO, college au, they go to school in the us for this just pretend they r all cool foreign students minus shu (he's still cool even if he is american)

word count: 3.1k

##SUMMARY

vox, mysta, shu, and ike haven't met luca's partner because they live in canada, duh! what? of course they're real?? he's not lying this time, he swears! they really are real!!!!

“i’m fucking tired, dude.”

a dark backpack drops roughly to the ground as its owner soon follows suit, the lanky compsci major sitting with a sigh as he shoves his phone into his brother’s face. shu hurriedly swallows his rice and almost chokes in the process while leaning away from the sudden bright screen in front of him. after pounding his chest with his fist a couple times to dislodge a few grains, he realizes that mysta’s phone was open to an instagram post of a couple.

ike leans over to look at the post as well with a raised eyebrow.

“it’s just fulgur and uki?” he questions, staring at his friend. mysta raises his head from where he laid spread-eagle on the grass to glare at him.

“just fulgur and uki,” mysta mocks, dropping his head back onto the ground and reaching up to cover his face with one arm. “everywhere i look is just couples! everywhere! i can’t escape them, man,” he bemoans. ike rolls his eyes and returns to his lunch, used to his friend’s antics. shu glances between the two of them in between bites of his own food, gently nudging a bento toward his distressed brother. mysta grunts in thanks before pushing himself up to sit cross-legged, eagerly lifting the lid of the bento and digging into his food.

"don't cry just because you can't any bitches," a smug voice calls. the trio looks up to see the arrival of vox, the drama major carrying his blazer hooked over his shoulder.

there's a prominent hickey on his neck. mysta's eye twitches.

"shut the fuck up," he grumbles as vox ruffles his hair endearingly before sitting down beside him.

"being single is ok too, ya know," vox sympathizes, knowing that his friend was feeling left out of the recent romantic festivities. "you don't need to be in a relationship to be happy."

shu nods at his words, ever the agreeable one of their friend group. ike pauses mid bite before resuming his meal, not giving any reaction to what vox said. he wasn't about to admit that he's been salty at seeing all the other couples as well. vox notices mysta is still feeling a bit bummed, however, since the shorter man hasn't spoken much since he arrived.

"hey," vox grins, nudging him with his fist. "what if i set you up with an acquaintance of mine?" he offers. mysta glances up at him with mild interest, but before he could respond, the final member of their group comes barreling down the sidewalk with a wide smile, clutching his beanie with one hand and waving enthusiastically with the other.

"hey guys!" luca beams, patting vox's shoulder before plopping down, closing their little circle on the grass. "what were you talking about?" the blonde takes out a sandwich from his bag and looks at the others expectantly. vox smirks as the other three inwardly sigh.

"since i'm the only one who had a valentines this year and being the generous friend that i am, i've decided to set up mysta with a friend of mine," he explains rather proudly. now, vox was expecting a few responses from luca—perhaps an understanding nod, a wail of jealousy, even an aversion to the topic in general—but instead of any of that, the blonde tilts his head in confusion and opens his mouth to speak.

"i had a valentines too, though?"

shu actually chokes on his food this time, ike hurriedly offering him his water bottle and pounding his back to dislodge the shit stuck in his throat. vox was staring at luca in disbelief, mouth opening and closing not unlike that of a fish. mysta, however, throws his head back and starts laughing loudly.

"yeah, right," he cackles, shaking his head before looking back up at his friend. "you're even worse than me when it comes to dating!" luca frowns at him this time.

"i'm being serious! that's why i was busy yesterday, we’ve been together for a few months now-“

"then why haven't you ever talked about them?" mysta accuses. luca shrugs helplessly.

"well, you—you never asked!" vox glances between the two of them before settling on the blonde.

"do you have any pictures of them?" he asks, wanting to give luca the benefit of the doubt even if he didn't actually believe him.

"ok so, y'know how i like, i broke my phone last week? while riding my uh, my bike?" the four nod. "well, i didn't back up my phone and i lost all my photos." mysta's eye twitches once again.

"do they even go to UCI?" shu wonders aloud now that he wasn't at risk of asphyxiation. ike nods in agreement, genuinely curious as well. it’s not that he didn't—no. that's a lie. he didn't believe his friend as much as he wanted to. listen, this was the guy who was locked in a closet with a girl he liked for over ten minutes and didn't even do anything! forgive him for having his doubts!

"no, they live in canada." luca fidgets in place as four pairs of eyes stare at him with clear skepticism. "i'm serious!"

the group looks at each other and comes to a collective agreement.

"luca," ike says hesitatingly. "you don't have to lie to us." vox pats his shoulder comfortingly and nods.

"yeah, big guy. it really is ok if you're single on valentine's day. the whole thing is a capitalistic scam anyways." luca flounders and vox has to appreciate him sticking to the bit, even if he did feel a tad disappointed at the fact his friend thought he had to lie to them.

"what about social media? what's their instagram?" mysta questions, already pulling up the app on his phone once again. luca rolls his eyes.

"they don't have instagram," he reveals. "social media isn't their thing." luca pauses for a moment. "actually, i think one of their friends has a picture of them on their page.” ike, shu, mysta, and vox lean forward in interest.

luca takes mysta's phone and taps on the search bar. he clicks on an account of a short haired blonde girl before sighing in disappointment.

"never mind. millie removed all her posts again." ike, shu, mysta, and vox slump back.

"anyways," luca starts, returning mysta’s phone and swallowing the last piece of his sandwich before standing up and dusting off his pants. "i gotta get going before i miss my—miss my class. see ya!" luca waves with a grin before jogging off. the remaining members stare at where he just stood.

"there's no way they're real," ike deadpans.

following the reveal of luca’s very real, not fake, canadian partner, the blonde starts using them as an excuse every time there’s a get together.

“i can’t, tonight’s movie night! he replies excitedly when vox invites him to go drinking after exams.

a week later: “not today, we’re playing overcooked!”

“i think they’ve had a bad day and i wanna call them.”

“sorry, i already made plans.”

the other four members of their group have been sneaking glances at each other every time luca evades their clutches, slowly becoming more and more upset with every (perceived) lie coming out of their friend’s mouth. if he really didn’t want to hang out with them, he should just be honest and say so instead of doing whatever—whatever this is.

today’s excuse was, “tomorrow’s our anniversary and i gotta get ready!”

mysta stares at the spot luca previously occupied before he ran off in the direction of the dorms. the brunette’s frowning, gnawing on his lower lip and bouncing his knee repeatedly. nearby students stare at him with mild annoyance and inch away.

“what the actual hell.” ike looks up from his worksheet and casts a nervous glance at the librarian. hopefully they were far enough away that they wouldn’t hear their inevitably loud conversation. he couldn't deal with another scolding this week.

“why does he keep ditching us,” mysta scowls, now leaned back rather precariously in his chair and chewing on the tip of his pencil. ike chooses not to respond despite agreeing with his friend, currently more preoccupied with his essay. vox and shu, however, have no such priorities at the moment and thus can entertain mysta’s concerns.

“does he not like us anymore?” vox frowns, suddenly a bit insecure. shu nudges his arm with a gentle smile.

“nah, luca isn’t the type of person to just ghost us like this. maybe he really is dating someone,” he says cheerfully. vox and mysta lock eyes before resolutely shaking their heads.

“no. there’s no way,” vox vehemently denies, mysta nodding in agreement. shu hums in response, twirling his pen in his hand with a contemplative expression.

“i dunno,” he muses. “i mean, luca’s like, a good looking guy. would it really be that surprising for him to have a partner?”

“yes!” mysta exclaims, slamming a hand down on the mahogany table. “he doesn’t even react whenever someone tries to flirt with him! he’s too dense to date!” more than a few people swivel their heads toward them at the noise and glare.

“luca may be hot but he doesn’t, y’know. have much rizz.” vox winces, feeling a bit bad about talking behind their friend’s back like this.

the four men silently mull over every possible reason they could think of as to why luca keeps disappearing on them. eventually, dinnertime arrives and they each say their goodbyes before heading out for the night. hopefully the mystery surrounding their friend will be resolved soon; it’s been too long since the five of them got to hang out all together.

there’s something wrong with luca.

in their shared 8AM class, shu notices the smile he gave in greeting didn’t quite reach his eyes. he kept shooting glances at his phone all morning, noticeably more than usual.

“hey,” shu whispers, leaning in close. “you okay?”

luca hums distractedly, his response a little delayed.

“yeah, it’s nothing,” he grins before turning forward to face the professor. shu stares at his side profile for a few seconds and wonders what his friend might be thinking about that might have caused his less-than-stellar mood. unfortunately, luca packed up and slipped out of the lecture hall almost immediately after they were dismissed, leaving shu in the dust and wondering how he could cheer up his friend.

ike can sense his gloom from a mile away. the english major runs into him on his way to the student store—quite literally. luca was looking down at his phone and didn’t see the other man until they bumped heads, both of their belongings spilling onto the ground around them.

“ouch… you good, luca?” ike asks, fixing his glasses that went askew.

“yeah, why wouldn’t i be?” he answers, rubbing the back of his neck. ike observes him for a moment before reaching to pick up his things. perhaps the blonde thought he was worried he got hurt in their little scuffle. don’t get him wrong—of course he cares—but in ike’s humble opinion, his friend’s mental state was a smidge more important than his physical at the moment.

luca grabs his phone and groans. looking over, ike can see a large crack going down the middle of the screen which was glitching at random intervals.

“ah, i’m so sorry, luca” he apologizes, feeling guilty. luca waves him off.

“it’s not your fault,” he reassures, although judging by the look on his face, he was clearly upset. “i gotta run—see ya, ike.” before the other could even respond, luca shoves his broken phone into the pocket of his hoodie and stands up, turning the corner without another word.

“bye, luca…” ike mumbles dejectedly.

mysta and vox are waiting at the back of the line in the cafeteria for lunch when luca shows up behind them with a forlorn expression on his face. vox doesn't notice, however, and grins at his arrival, wrapping an arm around luca’s shoulder and ruffling his hair.

“why didn’t you pick up the phone?” vox whines. “i called you like, five times.” luca shrugs off his arm and takes a step back from the duo. vox and mysta frown at his reaction, realizing their friend wasn’t in the best of moods at the moment.

“it died,” luca grumbles, letting out a loud huff. the three of them slowly move up the line, grabbing items off the counter and placing them on their respective trays. luca’s was noticeably empty.

“we’re out of pizza, sorry,” the cafeteria worker says, shrugging helplessly. “the only thing we have left is salad.” mysta looks down at his tray guiltily knowing he must have taken the last plate. he opens his mouth to offer it to luca but the other man just takes the plate of salad with furrowed brows and pursed lips.

they eat in tense silence—luca stabbing the greens rather aggressively with his fork while the other two share concerned looks.

'should we ask him what's wrong?' vox mouths, nodding his head in luca's direction. mysta frowns, worried that their questions might just make him more irritated. on the rare occasions that he's upset, luca usually chooses to distance himself from others until he calms down in case he ends up taking out his frustrations on them. at his core, luca is kind, and he doesn't want to hurt the people he cares about.

deciding to wait for his friend to come to them instead, mysta shakes his head. it won't do them any good now to talk to luca when he's this wound up.

after luca leaves, the two immediately call ike and shu to come up with a plan. when the duo hears of the others' run ins with their friend today, the four come to a collective agreement.

"so..." shu starts, staring at the door in front of them. "what're we gonna say?"

the group stands in front of luca and vox's shared dorm room holding a variety of items: cheddar cheese pringles, ike's blue ray dvd of 'shrek,' and ice cream cake. hopefully luca's calmed down enough now and they can attempt to improve his mood. the sun is just barely starting to set and dinner won't be for another hour—maybe they can order pizza to make up for lunch?

before any of them can come up with something, however, they hear a loud noise coming from inside that sounded suspiciously like something breaking. panicking, vox shoves the cake into mysta's arms and frantically searches his person for his dorm key. fumbling to open the door, vox trips over a pair of shoes in the doorway that don't belong to him nor luca (not that he notices in his alarm).

"luca!" vox calls out worriedly. "are you oka-"

"WHAT THE HELL?!"

ike's sudden screech startles everyone in the dorm. all six of them.

pressed against the wall was luca, staring at his friends with wide eyes and tussled hair. his lips were slightly swollen and there was a faint line of drool on his chin, the hoodie he was wearing thrown haphazardly onto the couch. holding him against said wall was a rather attractive stranger with equally ruined hair and flushed cheeks, both of their necks clearly littered with hickeys, although luca's noticeably more so. on the floor next to them lay the sorry remains of vox's lamp.

mysta's eye twitches.

"um. hello," you wave, trying to subtly fix your hair and clothes while luca leans against the wall, dazed and still shirtless.

"you must be luca's friends, it's great to meet finally you all!"

at your words, the group suddenly reanimates from where they stood frozen in the doorway.

"you're—you're real. you're actually real." ike stammers. "you're luca's partner?!"

you shift awkwardly, nodding. did your boyfriend not talk about you to them?

mysta stares at you, mouth agape as he struggles to process the scene before him.

you're the farthest thing from what he's imagined, which is rather impressive considering he wasn't able to come up with anything at all. how in the hell did luca manage to cuff somebody as hot as you?!

"what the fuck," he says eloquently. that just about sums up everyone's reaction, minus the apparently real couple.

"...my lamp," vox weakly adds, unable to say anything more complicated than monosyllables in his shock.

shu—god bless his soul—comes to his senses quicker than the others and hurriedly places the gifts on a nearby counter before pushing his friends out the dorm, sending a wink your way and slamming the door shut behind him leaving you and luca alone once again.

your eyes glance over the stuff with an amused expression on your face. turning to face your lover, you slam your hands against the wall next to his head and peck him on the lips.

"what's up with that?" you ask, nodding your head toward the presents. luca blinks at you, taking a moment to process your question in the aftermath of the chaos that just ensued.

"they probably—uh. i think they wanted to cheer me up," he guesses. you hum in response, running your fingers through soft blonde hair. luca let's his eyes fall shut and sighs contentedly.

"were you upset earlier, baby?" you ask, nuzzling your nose into the crook of his neck before biting down. luca whines above you as his arms tense from where they were wrapped around your waist.

"mmm, i thought you forgot about me," he admits, shivering at the feeling of your warm tongue laving against the freshly formed bruise. "you weren't replying to any of my messages."

you chuckle, pulling back to gaze lovingly at your cute boyfriend.

"of course i didn't forget about you, luca, or our anniversary. i'm sorry i didn't tell you i was flying over before, i wanted to surprise you," you coo, tucking a few stray strands of hair behind his ear.

"it's ok, i'm just happy you're here," luca mumbles, holding you tightly. with a laugh, you pull away but before he could even think about protesting, you grab his wrist and drag him toward his bed.

"you sure you don't want an apology?" you tease, enjoying the way luca's face burns red at the implication.

"n-no! i mean, yes! i want an apology! please!"

"of course, baby," you purr, pushing him onto the mattress and straddling his hips. "let me make it up to you."

outside, the four men stood frozen in the same position they were in when they got forced out of the room five minutes ago.

"holy shit," vox breathes, "luca gets bitches."

##WRITTEN ON 230220

[ughgoaway]

How do Matty and teacher tell Annie that they're dating? And now I'm looking forward to hearing about mattys first time going to teachers house!

Your writing is my favourite at the moment, I've got my notifications on for every time you post ❤️

ohmygod it never occurred to me someone might have my notifs on… thank you so much??? I'm so so glad you like my writing!!! <3333

I'll definitely do a blurb on Matty's first visit at some point!! perhaps his first visit is when you have your first time with him…

Maybe this is just me loving drama but I feel like they don't tell Annie as much as Annie finds out...

Now I'm not 100% sure of the scenario but ik I have discussed this with someone before on dms but I can't remember who?? so sorry to whoever it was, I obviously loved the concept lol <3

I think it's some event at the school, maybe a school disco/dance for the parents and the kids. you and Matty have been together a few weeks/months and have been eyeballing each other the whole night.

Annie is busy dancing with her friends and one of their parents is watching her, so Matty gives you a nod and you both sneak off to your classroom.

you're not planning on having sex or anything, but you're still in that honeymoon stage where you just want to be around each other all the time so you sneak off to do just that.

you're sat on your desk waiting for Matty to follow, he left 30 seconds after you so it wouldn't arouse any suspicion. he comes in and clicks the door shut, and you feel a weight lift off your chest when you see him.

"hi," you breathe out and stick your arms out for Matty to slide into.

"hi sweetheart" he says, coming to hug you and resting his chin on your head. you bury your head in his chest and breathe him in, already missing how he smells just from the hour you've been apart.

"missed you" you mumble into his chest. you feel his laugh vibrating you and pull back with a pout.

"Baby we haven't even really been apart. I've been less than 30 ft from you the whole time" he smiles and tucks your hair behind your ear, moving his hand to trace your cheekbone afterwards.

"I know I know. I just want to be with you rather than just around you. I hate keeping this secret" Matty nods and leans to press a kiss to your still pouty lips.

"Me too, but we just can't tell anyone yet. we can't risk you losing your job or some dickhead going to the media. I can't bear another deux moi post about "Matty Healy's new beau"" he pulls one hand from your waist to air quote but swiftly puts it back and pulls you impossibly closer.

"yeah. at least I get you in private though" You smile up at Matty and you can almost see the love pouring from his eyes.

"you always had me, you just didn't know it" he presses another kiss to your lips, sweet and innocent but still lingering in the way you love.

You're both so wrapped up in the kiss you don't hear the door creek open and the sound of little footsteps coming in. Only when it slams shut do you rip apart from each other.

standing there in her sparkly pink dress is little Annie with her mouth open in shock. yours is pretty much the same, your hand moving up to cover your face out of embarrassment.

Matty immediately swoops into dad mode though, not even taking a second to breathe before running over to Annie and bending down to her.

"hi, peanut. Are you okay? Do you need something?" Matty was still delusional and hoping she hadn't just seen what he thought she had.

He was wrong.

"why were you kissing y/n? Only people who are in love kiss. Are you in love?" Annie's head is spinning and she keeps on flicking her eyes between you and Matty, trying to process what's happening.

you and Matty haven't even spoken about the L word yet, and now somehow the situation is exponentially more awkward.

"uhhh… it's kinda hard to explain sweetheart. do you wanna come sit on y/n's chair while we talk?" Annie nods tentatively and it breaks Matty's heart. it's clear she's hurt by whatever just happened, she might not know exactly what's going on but she knows she's been lied to.

tears are building at her lashline and her eyes are shiny, but they don't fall. Which almost kills you. seeing Annie this upset over something you did is the worst possible scenario.

Annie sits there silently which is the biggest red flag, normally she's a chatterbox but she sits there and fiddles with the hem of her dress anxiously. you and Matty share a brief worried look before Matty starts to attempt to explain.

he takes a deep breath and starts, "Okay Annie, so you know how when two people really like each other they start dating?"

Annie nods and finally looks up to meet Matty's eyes, "Like Auntie Charli and Uncle George?" she asks. her lips are ever so slightly shaking as she tries to hold in her emotions.

God for a 6-year-old she is very good at regulating herself The same couldn't be said for you, as you were already wiping tears that were escaping your eyes.

Matty notices and places a hand on your knee before he continues, "Yes just like that sweetheart. me and y/n are dating. she's my girlfriend"

Annie nods slowly and then looks at you, noticing you're crying for the first time. she gets an even more worried look on her face and springs out of her chair.

"oh no did I make you sad miss y/n?" she asks looking up at you. if you didn't already have a broken heart you're sure it would've just shattered.

you get down to her height on the floor and stroke her hair as you speak, "Oh no! Not at all, darling. I'm just sad about making you upset sweet girl" You sniffle and give her a weak smile.

She nods slowly and looks back up to Matty who is watching the situation with his lip anxiously between his teeth.

"so… you like miss y/n?" Annie asks, matty nods at her and has to fight a smile at the question.

"Yes I do darling, I like her a lot." you flick your head to Matty and give him a gentle smile that he returns, moving his band to stroke your back.

"oh… okay." Annie is still taken aback and trying to process everything but that doesn't stop her from asking "Can I have a hug y/n?" 

you immediately crumble and start borderline sobbing as you pull her in and squeeze all the air out of her lungs. "of course Annie, you can always have a hug"

you look at Matty with hopeful eyes and you can see the tears brimming in his. this was not how you wanted this to go, but sometimes you don't get to choose.

Once you pull away Matty bends down too and offers Annie a hug with his open arms which she happily accepts, bounding into his body with such force Matty can't help but make an "oof" sound at her impact.

you lean your head on his shoulder and Annie pulls back again, looking at the two of you with a smile on her face.

"Can I tell Rosie?" she asks curiously. 

fuck.

How do you explain the intricacies of keeping a relationship secret to a child?

Matty smiles sadly and grabs her hand, "No I'm sorry baby, this has to be a secret just between me, you and miss y/n okay? if anyone finds out it means she might not be able to work here anymore"

that shocks Annie, straightening her spine immediately as she nods furiously. "Okay, daddy. just between us."

she looks at you and says, "You're my most favourite teacher. Please don't go" You immediately smile and raise your head off mattys shoulder before assuring her.

"I'm not going anywhere Annie don't you worry, as long as we keep it secret I'll be okay" You give her a reassuring nod and reach out to squeeze her hand.

"Good. you shouldn't kiss at school though. then everyone will see you and find out" she says looking at you both with a tilted head and disappointment dripping from her voice.

obviously you and Matty can't hide your laughter and soon enough Annie joins in giggling.

"Alright, you cheeky girl" Matty says, pinching her sides and pulling her in for another hug. This time you swing your arm around her too and settle your head on Matty's shoulder, looking up at him with a relieved smile.

your little family.

Annie wrenches away quickly leaving you and Matty shocked, looking at her curiously.

Before either of you can ask if she's okay Annie chimes in, "So are you in love?" she asks innocently, unaware of the massive repercussions that might come from her question.

Once again, Matty swoops in and saves the day before you both become stuttering messes.

"how about we get back to the disco hmm?" He stands up and gives you a hand, pulling you up too before grabbing Annie's hand and starting to walk to the door.

"we can get you a pick n' mix, how does that sound Annie?"

Annie squeals and nods, pulling Matty so hard in the direction of the hall that he's scared she'll rip his arm off.

situation diffused… for now.

[haveateadude]

bleak horizons iii.

summary *. ⋆ ⋆·˚ opening up it's not easy, isn't it?

warnings *. ⋆ ⋆·˚ depression, self-harm mention, and disordered eating (not explicitly mentioned but you can clearly see it's there)

author notes *. ⋆ ⋆·˚ helloooo welcome to part 3!!!!!! i think this might be the last part (if u have an idea on how this can continue feel free to tell me. u can send a request or just leave the idea in the comments). also just saying, this stuff is based on MY issues and experiences with mental health, so this might not be truthful to everyone. my insta is @/starsfinder_ if anyone wants to vent or just talk :))

remember you're not alone if you're going through a shitty moment, trust me!! ik everyone says to ask for help, and even if that's soo fucking true i know some people are not listened (even if that's literally a fucking RIGHT). so, as i said, you can dm me <33 take care of yourselves pleaseee. can't stress enough how much i want y'all to know you're not alone. hi. hello. i care!!!!!!!! and i'm here!!!!!! so please listen to me when i say everything's going to be alright :)) i love youuuuuu

also, sorry for any mistakes. i'm sooo tired rn lmao

pt1 — pt2 — pt3

I told you a lie, désolé, mon amour

I'm trying my best, don't know what's in store

The next week, I stepped out of therapy crying. I got into the car, slamming the door.

“Hey,” Ellie says softly, looking at me with her hands resting on the wheel, her gaze full of worry. “You okay?”

“Drive.”

“But—”

“Just drive.”

“Okay.”

Ellie starts driving. I wipe my tears, feeling overwhelmed. My mother had called yesterday and made me feel like shit. I wasn't doing my best at school. Ellie and I hadn't gone out since Christmas. So basically, everything was shit. I've also had urges to relapse, and they're just not going away.

I cry. Ellie drives. This is okay. It's okay. Except that it's not, and I haven't told my therapist anything about myself yet. My mother hasn't spoken to me in weeks, and my father sent a cat video on WhatsApp this morning. And Ellie’s knuckles are turning white from how hard she’s gripping the wheel, which makes my heart ache because I know she cares. It makes me want to tell her everything, but the words are stuck in my throat, and I can't seem to get them out.

We arrive at the apartment a couple of minutes later. Ellie doesn’t immediately open the doors, and I've calmed down enough to answer when she asks, “Baby? Are you feeling okay?”

I nod, looking away. The people that I see walking around look sad.

“I’m fine.”

“It’s okay if you’re not, though,” she says. I stay quiet, doubting it. Ellie nudges me with her elbow, looking for an answer. “Hey.”

“Yeah,” I say. “I know.”

Ellie pats me on the thigh before getting out of the car. I get out, too. I don't bother eating dinner that night; I just go straight to bed and fall asleep.

The next few days felt monotonous. I've fallen back into my sadness, the type that isn't bitter but sweet. It doesn't make me want to relapse. It makes me want to stay in bed more hours than I'd like, takes my appetite away, and leaves me feeling nothing but numbness.

I wake up, go to work, study, attend uni, come home, and sleep. The cycle repeats and repeats, and I'm so, so very tired.

Today, I took the day off. I knew I was too tired to do anything, so I planned to rot in bed. Ellie knocks on the door, but I don't answer. I hear the door creak open and the light from the living room creeping in.

"Hey," Ellie says, her voice coming from behind me. "Mind if I lay next to you?"

"It's fine," I say with a hoarse voice. I feel the bed sink at my side, and then Ellie is behind me, wrapping her arm around my torso and nuzzling her face into my neck, leaving a kiss right there. I feel cozy and comfortable. I don't know if this will last. I hope it does because it's a feeling I've never experienced before—someone comforting me? That has never happened.

"Do you want to talk about what's going on?" she asks. I stay quiet. "I care about you. I'm worried."

I do want to talk about it, but at the same time, I don't.

"I'm fine."

"You always say that… You haven't gotten out of bed since you came from work, and the frozen lasagna you were going to make for yourself last weekend has been in the fridge since then." She stays quiet for a second, her fingertips caressing my arm. "You're not doing fine, baby."

Millions of thoughts go through my head. Thoughts I don't say. I don't want her to leave; I don't want her to see how I feel.

"I'm trying, though." It's easy to say since Ellie isn't looking at my face directly. Tears threaten to spill from my eyes. I blink them away; I blink, blink, and blink again. Fast.

Ellie stays quiet, her breath tickling my neck. She kisses the back of my head again, her hand holding mine. I hold it to my chest. "I know. But you don't have to be alone in this."

That hits me like a truck. I wasn't expecting to be held by her, let alone her saying I don't have to be alone. A tear falls from my eye, landing on the pillow. I sniff, and Ellie holds me tighter, not saying anything. She tucks a strand of hair behind my ear with her free hand and kisses my temple.

"I'm sorry," I say, in a moment of pathetic weakness. She hugs me even closer.

"Hey, no. Don't apologize. C'mon, turn around."

I let go of her hand, turning around. Her left hand cups my face and she kisses my cheek, then my forehead, and then she kisses the tears that fall on my cheeks. When she pulls away, she gives me a small smile, "You're going to be okay."

She doesn't want you. She's your friend; she doesn't want you. She will fall in love with you, not your brain nor your scars, and when she finds out about the way you think, she'll leave.

I wake up on Ellie's chest, it feels good to be comforted, I've found. Her phone is on the nightstand, so I just reach it and look at the time. It's eight o'clock. I've fallen asleep for two hours. I try to make myself more comfortable on her chest, attempting not to wake her, but my movements fail and she stirs.

"Hey," she says, her voice still laced with sleep. "What time is it?"

"It's still night," I say, closing my eyes. "We slept for two hours.'

"Feeling better?" I feel comfortable enough to shake my head. "Do you want to talk about it? I told you, I'm worried. And don't bullshit me with the whole 'I'm fine' shit, yeah?"

I stay quiet as her thumb caresses my back, "Did I tell you why I'm going to therapy?" Ellie shakes her head. "Well—back home I had some… issues. Mental health stuff related. I kept going back to depressive episodes. And one day I just asked for help from my mom, because I—I just couldn't stop self harming."

"Baby," Ellie says, hugging me tighter and kissing the top of my head. "What happened? Did your mother react well?"

"Yeah. Surprisingly. I got help. Got better. Sometimes it comes back, and I still get urges sometimes, but I can control it. It isn't as bad as it was before. But lately, it's just—yeah."

"You don't do that anymore, do you?" She asks, worried.

"No," I shake my head. "Not anymore."

"And what about the urges, do you still get them?" I nod, slowly. Ellie plays with my hair. "And therapy? Is it helping?"

"I haven't told her anything, yet. I—I don't know, I can't talk about it."

"What if I go to the next session? If you're okay with that, of course. If you still don't feel comfortable we can look for another therapist or another way to get you help."

I hide my face in her chest when she says the last word. I don't know why I've been refusing to get help. I don't know why I don't like that word. I sigh as Ellie stops playing with my hair and begins rubbing my back.

"I think—I think I would like it if you go with me."

"Okay. Okay, then. I'll go." The room falls to silence again for a few seconds. I feel ashamed for telling her. "I'm sorry you have to go through this… I wish I could do more."

"You're doing more than enough," I assure her. It's my time to hug her tighter. "You’re the first person I’ve talked to about this."

"Yeah?" She seems surprised. "I'm glad you talked to me. I'm here for you if you need anything—I mean it. You just have to tell me, I will listen… You could've told me sooner."

"I'm sorry."

"Hey, don't apologize. I’m just saying, I'm here for you. I've been there for you, always. And… is there something I can do to help?"

"Just be there," I say. "That's enough."

"Mhm, I'll stay."

I think she wants you, a little voice in my head says. I think she loves you, and I don't think she'll ever leave.

Maybe I'll be okay, after all.

[lowkeyrobin]

OMG I've had this idea for a while but fuckshit x shy turned confident reader where they're in the same class but fuckshit doesn't really notices reader until reader starts dressing for themself and does things they want to do instead of letting people walk all over them and fuckshit starts developing a crush and starts seeing reader everywhere !!! Thank you love you robinnnn <33

-♠️

STOP I LOVE THIS WTF ♣️ dw I saw the other thing ik its u bae ; love you too freakazoid ; thanks for requesting pookieeee hope u enjoy

FUCKSHIT ; confidence

summary ; fuckshit develops a crush on the new you

warnings ; language, censored racial slur, weed

disclaimers ; fuckshits real name is gonna be olan (like the actor himself) as much as I don't like it that much it's the best bet + I don't wanna make up some random name for him 😭🙏 it's just bc ain't no teacher is gonna call him fuckshit and stuff ; also I do censor the n word one bc I'm not black, two it's how ray and fuckshit talk, it's not overused or anything, I'm just not trying to whitewash their speech and mannerisms and them reclaiming that word is kinda important for them because they're black skaters in the 90s so 🙏

word count ; 1k

masterlist

You used to cover yourself up a lot, even during summer. Sweaters and long sweatpants and jeans paired with hightop Converse were your usual outfits, even in the blazing LA heat.

You skated here and there, not at any parks or popular spots, just around. You shared a class with Olan, or Fuckshit as he likes to be called, at school. You had 12th period history with him, where he sat next to you.

You were very shy and reserved, you never talked to anyone unless spoken to and spent your time in the back of the class just getting through your work. Every so often, Fuckshit would try to talk to you to little or no avail. He never really noticed you much in the hallway or any other class either, so he didn't have any other way to talk to or see you through the day.

He didn't know much about you, which is why he also didn't know much about how you'd let people walk over, use, and bully you. He'd defended you in class once, but that was the extent of it. He wasn't a bully whatsoever, a fuckboy, yeah, but he wouldn't make fun of you for some dumb reason like the way you dress or the way you bite your nails.

But, now, he couldn't help but stare at you.

He could finally see your gorgeous eyes again, your smile proving that you were much happier this way. You seemed so excited and confident. He even noticed you in the hallway talking to someone with a smile on your face.

He had to say something.

"Oh, shit, like your shirt. Gravediggaz is fire." He smiles.

You return said smile. "Oh, thanks! You listen?"

"Hell yeah, n****"

He sees the kids who usually made fun of you snicker and whisper a few feet away, but pays them no mind. You follow his gaze and get a quick look before rolling your eyes and turning back to him.

"Fucking annoying" You say, placing a finger gun to your temple. "You skate, right?"

"Yeah, why? You trynna hang?"

"Maybe" You chuckle and shrug, "Going to the courthouse, just wanna show off some tricks at that party. Wanna come with me? You'd make it way less embarrassing"

"Yeah, of course" He grins, "Mind if I bring my boys along?"

"Oh, please. The more the merrier" You nod, "I'll be under the left tree at six, yeah?"

"Yeah"

Safe to say he couldn't wait to talk to you later considering he wouldn't shut the fuck up about it. Ray had been making fun of him all afternoon while Fourthgrade filmed it all, Ruben's laughter prominent in the background.

He was basically bouncing off the walls as the minutes ticked away, time coming closer and closer as to when he'd see you again.

"Put your dick away"

"Shut the fuck up! I'm just excited"

"Yeah, excited alright"

"I swear to God-"

He basically sprinted out the door when it hit 5:50, leaving the others in the dirt as he skated down the sidewalk as fast as humanly possible.

He saw you waving for him as he entered, and he quickly walked towards you with a smile and a blunt in his hand.

"Hey" He smiles, offering you said blunt.

You take it and blow a puff out of it, "Hey, glad you made it. Where's your friends?"

He looks over to the side, waving to a group of boys who were clearly trying to look for him. The three nod and talk toward you two, talking about something you couldn't hear.

You wave to them as they approach and sit with you, joining the conversation about everything skate and music related. As the sun sets, the area illuminated by white and colorful neon lights, you get up onto the building, top of the stairs, to show off some tricks. You see Fuckshit and his friends watching you, along with many other strangers who were watching other skaters show their shit off.

You grind down the metal railing and hop off with a kickflip. You glance over at the curly haired blonde, who's shouting some inaudible compliments. You see his one friend, tall and blonde, filming with a Camcorder. You didn't mind, you thought it was pretty sick.

The youngest out of them, maybe fourteen or so, hands a blunt to the dark-skinned boy with the locs, both of their eyes on you, like they're scanning your high-school coolness level or something.

"Ayeee, that was sick as fuck!"

"Olan, is there something you need to share with the class?"

Fuckshit's eyes slightly widen as he slowly looks up at the teacher who'd caught you two whispering in the back of class.

"Nah, I'm good"

The teacher turns back to the board as you two quietly smile and snicker.

He can't help but get lost in your happiness, feeling comfort in your sneaky smile. He can't help but adore everything about you, from your humor to your skating, your music interests, it was like you were made for him.

The bell rings, nearly popping your eardrums once more as it dismisses you for the day. You walk side by side through the halls, taking the longest way through the school to go toward the front doors to leave.

"I just don't understand being a poser like that, it ain't getting you any pussy" He laughs, agreeing with your long tangent about how being new at skating didn't mean you were a poser, and that being a poser is lame. "Like what you doing when someone asks if you can do a trick or show them? You just paid for a deck to look cool?"

"Exactly! They act like we can't tell who's a poser and who's not!"

You reach the entrance, having to go your separate ways home.

"See you tomorrow, dude" You smile with a light chuckle, waving him a little goodbye as you step on your board to skate away.

"See ya! I'll bring those cookies tomorrow too!" He smiles and waves back at you.

Ray and Fourthgrade approach, confused and amused looks on their faces.

"Cookies? When did you become a baker, n***?" Ray asks.

"Shut the fuck up, I owe them"

"For what?" He asks again as the trio walk down the sidewalk, straying away from the street til they got off school property.

"Inviting us to that thing on Friday, and homework answers"

"Ugh, here he goes again"

[respectthepetty]

I've been wondering for a while- how did you start getting into all the colour stuff?? I would love an origin story <3 what got you into your passion for deciphering colors and how did you figure out what they mean??

sorry ik it's a lot but ever since I started following you I see colors everywhere and I'm curious of where you started noticing them ((: it's so fun and intriguing to me! I'm usually more of a "foaming at the mouth for the lighting" girlie but it's been a heap of fun figuring out colors with the lights ^^

thanks for everything you do to show us your eye for color btw ♡♡ your blog is so fascinating and I love reading all your theories and notes

@overrgrown, never apologize for asking questions, but I've actually been asked this before by bengiyo. You can find my write up HERE, but the short version of that post is I've always seen colors; therefore, I've always attached meaning to them, even if the meaning was not valid.

TLWR: Appreciate the artists who work on these shows, not me.

In bengiyo's ask, I stated that when I was younger, I thought the colors were showing me what was good and what was bad. That's it. In my defense, I was a kid, so everything really was good or bad in my book with no in-between.

Even though I've always seen colors, and it comes very naturally to me, the meaning I attached to them when I was younger was very much based on who I was rather than what was being shown to me. Five-year old me thought if someone was dressed all in red that they were the devil. Adult me now knows that isn't always the case. Adult me also knows that red in American (United States) culture means something different than other cultures.

Not a flex, just a fact, but I have several degrees in languages, linguistics, and rhetoric. What they are in is not super important, but, in general, a formal education has greatly helped me infer meaning from what I'm visually seeing in the media I consume. My degrees are not in film or communications, yet I've taken undergrad and grad-level courses like Visual Media, Multimedia and Visual Communication, Language of Film, Digital Narratives, Cinematography and Lighting, Film Theory & Criticism, Queer Cinema History, Spanish Film & Feminism, and many more all because under this great big academic umbrella of rhetoric and composition lies storytelling.

And that's what this is really about - How do we tell a story? Regardless if that story is a simple flyer for a school bake sale, a 30-second commercial advertising cleaning wipes, or a 12-episode BL series, how do we get the message across? We can't just rely on ONE thing! We have to use as many things as possible! So when I'm watching a BL series, I'm just not paying attention to the words being spoken or the acting alone. No, I'm paying to the background noise. What do the clothes tell me about the character? What does his apartment tell me about him? And what do the colors mean?! All of it is important!

I've mentioned this before but I serve on a screening committee for a queer film festival. I actually got involved with the film festival as an undergrad because of one of the film courses. This has allowed me the opportunity to speak to several filmmakers about their process, and all of them have confirmed that the colors were intentional. People who deal with props and costume design have spoken to me about trying to find very specific items that reinforce the story being told. Oh, and theater is a whole different level. Because of the nature of the stage versus film, if it is on the stage, it must have a reason for being there.

Basically, people who work in visual media work really fucking hard, which you probably know since you love lighting. Most times, 12-hour days are the average, if not longer. This video does a good job of briefly covering the work that goes into costume design, and I timestamped it to begin at the part that covers colors.

I love seeing colors. I love deciphering them. I love the story they tell.

But they wouldn't be there if the hardworking people behind them didn't do their job, and those are the people who I appreciate.

So, as always, I'm thankful that you let me know I'm helping you see the beauty is in the details, but I'm really just here to admire the beauty with you.

[pixiecaps]

roier doesnt actively seek out social interactions much cus he doesnt wanna speak a lot of english so he keeps conversations short.

This makes a lot of sense, has roier ever talked about it before? I've wondered how he feels about being one of the only regularly active Hispanic ccs on the server

well i have bad memory but FROM WHAT I REMEMBER hes never directly said anything about it. after some observation ive noticed he’s one of the qsmp creators that sticks the most to speaking their native language. its rarer to see him speak english on the qsmp than spanish. which is why purgatory was so wild. he was speaking english 24/7. though he didnt stream most of it. (due to being sick. i have a feeling if he streamed it he would’ve spoken spanish more) regularly on the qsmp he tends to chill on his own especially when he was building bobby city he talks to chat and donos a lot.

ik he’s makes jokes about being one of the only active hispanics like when he saw pepitos certificate for the first time he was like oh come on im basically a single parent none of these people log on😭 but he’s never outright said This is how i feel about it. he doesnt seem to mind. he always reminds his chat to not go into other cc’s chats telling them to log on the qsmp cus thats weird and disrespectful. so theres that. i do give roier so many props because he and pol and occasionally quackity are the only active spanish speakers. i would imagine thats kinda tough if you’re making spanish content and lack people to make the content with but roier makes it work really well and genuinely seems to enjoy playing on the server. plus he has the admins and cellbit. MASSIVE SHOUTOUT TO CELLBIT TBH. he also carries the spanish spoken percentile on the server.

ig thats why im so spiderbit heavy on my blog. i love the ship and dynamic but what really pulls me towards them is the fact. they actually are the few people on the server that make the effort to speak my language

[xerith-42]

XER

Ik this isn't like- blurbs but uuh

Could you maybe possibly message your favoritest laurance simp [@shaddow-reblogz ] some good food?? If not, that is perfectly ok! Just want food

Darling @shaddow-reblogz, food for Laurance simps is something I am always happy to provide. How about we do a little self shipping silliness? That is to say this is me taking a daydream and putting it to paper for you sillies to enjoy. Happy Valentine's Day (no I didn't post this late shut up)

Reader insert doesn't have a directly spoken name and uses they/them pronouns.

Waking up on Laurance's chest has to be one of the best feelings someone can wake up to. Maybe it's because Laurance actually getting a nights sleep is a rarity, but honestly, it's seeing his peaceful expression that eases my worries the most. Such a peaceful smile on his face is one of the greatest reliefs I've experienced recently. I can hear his gentle heartbeat in his chest, and in spite of the cold nature of his skin, his hands wrapped around me provide an irreplaceable feeling of warmth.

It's as if he can hear that I'm awake, hear that I'm staring at him, because moments later his body stirs. His chest rises higher with his renewed breathing, and his heart rate picks up ever so slightly. His peaceful expression breaks into one of mild discomfort as his eyes slowly open. Even if they aren't the emerald green I fell in love with, the pale blue suits him. And I can see the way his relaxed expression breaks out into a soft smile, highlighting his dimples. It's almost unfair how cute he is. Almost.

"Good morning, my love," Laurance whispered softly.

"Morning," I whisper back, snuggling into his chest. I can feel him breathe in the moment, his hands pulling me in closer as he presses a kiss to the crown of my head.

"I don't recall falling asleep with you in my bed, but I'll never complain about such a thing." I couldn't help but laugh.

"That's because you got completely wasted last night and I had to drag your stumbling drunk ass back to the guard station." Laurance's chest moved with the gentle sound of his laughter. A quiet sound only meant for me to hear in this moment.

"My apologies for letting you see me in such a sorry state."

"Don't apologize. I found it quite amusing."

"Oh really?" A cheeky grin spread across my face as I pulled myself over so I was lying on top of him instead of on his side.

"It was cute to hear you go on and on about how enchantingly beautiful I am. Just with less grace than you usually have."

"Good to know I'm still a romantic when I'm drunk."

"You were quite the romantic. I wouldn't be surprised if you managed to flirt with every person in Phoenix Drop before the night was over." An embarrassed blush started to grow on his face.

"I-I didn't."

"You sure did." He slapped a hand against his forehead.

"Everyone?"

"Any pretty person who walked in front of you was subjected to your endless musings. It only got worse the more you and Dale drank." Laurance laughed again, still covering his face.

"Oh my Irene... Remind me to never get drunk again."

"Well that's no fun. Surely you can't swear it off entirely."

"If it means I don't make a fool of myself." I sat up and pried his hand away from his face, now close enough to kiss him as my head hovered above his.

"Laurance, darling, you're going to do that anyway."

"Thank you." Despite his tone dripping with sarcasm I still giggled and threw back a;

"You're welcome." Before leaning down and pressing a kiss to his lips. One kiss became another, and then another, and then he was bringing his arms around me and pulling me back into bed. And I almost let him. Laurance was addictive, just so much fun to kiss, especially when he wanted to get me to shut up.

I managed to push back and still sit above him, but that dazed look in his eyes made me want to go back for more. It is seriously unfair how attractive he is.

"I will say, it's the most relaxed I've seen you in a while. So don't throw it away yet, okay?" I begged gently, though with Laurance I knew it was never necessary. He was a complete softie, and always listened when I spoke to him in a voice this soft. I could see it in those lovestruck eyes before I was even done saying it. I could practically say the next words with him.

"Of course, my love," He replied.

[veespee]

We need some whisperedfaith stuff in here, I've looked and found nothing. So maybe some headcanons for Sean or Lee like with a partner or just general?

of course!! my fav is Sean, so I'll write some for him :)

Sean/Shiny Headcanons

-He's actually like,,, a MASSIVE loser lmao. He tries to appear like this sadistic, cold, and manipulative cult leader, but in reality he's just a really desperate junkie. Which in a sense, he is a junkie; he's addicted to the Speaker. Like Lee said in the 'Interrogation' video, he has been listening to the Speaker's whispering in his ear for so damn long, he's addicted to it. Now, i'm not sure what the Speaker could be saying, since from Lee's experience, it was torturous, but for Sean i think it would be the opposite. So i guess the headcanon is: the Speaker feeds Sean's ego, showering him with complimentd about how good of a leader he is, or how strong he is, or anything that would appeal to him, and that's how he keeps Sean under his control.

And that makes sense, because it's the Speaker, it's an honour to even be spoken to by him, and he's getting all these compliments? He must be doing something right, he must be special.

-Also, here's just my theory/HC on why Sean of all the members got to be the cult leader: i think that Sean was the easiest to influence. I believe that as a person, he was always a bit egotistical. That might be because of childhood, or him having to harden up for some reason, (i'm too tired to make a whole theory about his childhood sorry 😭) but i think even before the cult he would act very guarded. Like he would have walls up every second as to not get hurt.

So when he learned about the The Family, he thought, 'maybe that's where i belong'. And his goal from the start would have been to be the leader, to be worshipped and loved. So he came in that cult with determination, he was hard and would do anything the higher ups told him, even hurting people if needed. So The Speaker noticed him, and he thought, 'that's my target'. His ego is easy to feed, and therefore, easy to manipulate. So The Speaker fed him with compliments, making him believe he was the chosen one.

-I actually think Sean's story is really damn sad, but also he kinda deserved it. The man left all of his family and friends, wanting to feel loved and worshiped by someone. With the delusions added on by the other cultists, he was completely blind. Although, of course, nothing is black and white, and i'm sure he knew what he was doing. He was aware he was hurting people, people that trusted him, but he didn't care, and was blinded by greed and hunger for praise. Which in hindsight, made him hated by his followers. He was rude, pretentious, and arrogant. He believed he was the Chosen, the One, the man who would create portals between worlds, and The Speaker's favourite.

But in the end, that was all in vain. Because when he was gone, he was replaced. Lexx took over, and clearly she was more loved than him. So he grew bitter, and angry, even after death. Even in 'Limbo', he was bitter and lonely. I guess that was his fate from the start.

alright sorry for the rambling :) this was actually very fun to write, although ik this post won't get much traction due to how unpopular WF is,,, but it was fun anyway. thank you for the request!🖤

[chaostudee]

movies, rafe cameron

pairing : female reader x rafe cameron summary : "cus baby this ain't like the movies". warnings : angst? pining? miscommunucation? words : 3.1k a/n ; i haven't posted in like a year and ik this is so shit but ye idk.

it was never as simple as just loving. you wished it could've been but with rafe nothing was certain. at the start that was what you liked about him but when he failed to show up time after time you began to question. question whether he deserved you.

a week later you found him in bed with one of your best friends. that hurt like hell but truthfully you weren't that shocked. you knew he was hiding something. you just chose not to acknowlege it. maybe that was a mistake.

the look on rafe's face was something that you were never forget. it was mixed with hurt and guilt. in that moment you had wondered had he ever loved you? had you ever loved him?

at times you were certain of that answer but how can you love someone who put through you through that much hurt?

rafe wasnt a good boyfriend. he was always late, sloppy. he ignored you when he was with his friends. he would brush off your touch. hell he sometimes could barely look at you.

okay maybe you hadn't been a saint throughout the relationship but you made more of an effort than him anyway.

now 1 year later you watch as his arms holds firmly around her waist. he smiles as she talks. he kisses her head. he whispers in her ear.

you can't help but scoff at the display. so much for hating pda. sarah rejoins you and sighs when she spots who your view is focused on.

"her name is victoria" sarah says as she takes a sip of her beer before continuing "they've been going out for about 6 months....".

you blow out air and slowly nod. it wasn't like you didn't expect this but six months?!?! like damn who hurt him?.

"you got to talk to him".

you scoff at sarah.

"what would i even say?". you fold your arms across your chest. you knew damn well that there was plenty you had to say to him.

"everything you need to say" she pauses "he hasn't been the same since you guys you know...-".

"don't give me that bullshit sarah". picking up your drink from the nearby dresser you take a sip.

"if he really cared he would've....he would've been there but he wasn't, and i am so sick qnd tired of you being on his side. i did nithing wrong."

sarah begins to speak but you don't wait to hear. you grab your beer and walk off. you need to get out of here. anywhere but here. as you manoeuvre your way through the crowd you miss your footing placement but before you meet with the ground a pair of arms hold you up.

"hey". you recognized that voice all too well. you pull away from his grasp and look upwards to see an awkward smile on his face.

"hey" you reply, as you fidget awkwardly with the sleeve of your dress. you hadn't seen or spoken to him in over a year and although there was plenty you wanted to say nothing came to mind.

he looked mostly the same except that he had grown out his hair a bit. that had been your suggestion. an ache in your stomach creeps in when you remember.

"you grew out your hair" you state.

he chuckles and lowers his head down before meeting your eyes. "yeah, yeah i did...."

he pauses for a moment and then his gaze hardens. he stuffs his hands in his jean pockets. "i'm sorry y/n, i-".

you stop him before he can continue. "im sorry too but we were done a long time ago, i've moved and you have clearly moved on aswell". you gesture towards victoria who waves a hand at rafe. rafe looks back at you. like really looks at you.

the same look that he gave you that faithful night. a look of hurt and guilt. and like that night you wanted nothing more than to strangle him but deep down you knew you could never really be fully mad at him.

:::

it had been a week since your awkward encounter with rafe and the conversation still lingered in the back of your mind.

every so often you couldn't help but admit that he looked just as handsome as ever.

"i know that look" sarah says as she rests her chin on her hand on the bed. you two had made up quickly as you usually did. fights were short lived with you two.

"what do you mean?" you ask as you throw another dress on the bed. the camerons were holding some fancy ass party tonight and sarah had given you the task of picking out your outfits.

"you know damn well, i know that you haven't stopped thinking about him since the party".

you chuckle and begin to fathom an excuse but sarah raises her eyebrows so instead you just nod and shake your head.

you turn away from her and begin flipping through the rack of ball gowns.

"you know he broke up with victoria"

this causes you to stop your fingers abrubtly.

"what?"

sarah smirks. "ye i know and i mean he wasn't even upset...."

"really...?" you ask and you can't even smother the smirk on your face. "why.....?".

sarah laughs. "i didn't think you were that stupid y/n".

your heart races at her words. could you really be the reason why rafe broke it off with victoria.

:::

you had chosen to wear an emerald green dress from sarah's wardrobe along with matching heels.

you nervously checked your watch as you waited for your parents at the front of the house. your father helped your mother out of the car and behind them came your brother and his girlfriend.

you were beyond nervous at this point. you began to fix your hair once again as your heart raced at the thought of seeing him.

your brother pressed the doorbell and beside you, you felt a comforting hand on your shoulder. your mother understood and you smiled at her in gratitude.

the door opened swiftly after the bell rang out. ward cameron welcomed everyone with a smile and an embrace. you were last to be welcomed and after standing there awakwardly ward smiled and pulled you in for a hug.

after ward closed the door behind you and you watched as your mother was catching up with rose. you spotted sarah beside wheezie but you were looking for somebody familiar.

"rafe" called ward. the sound of his name made you anxious. moments later he walked in. once you saw him you swear your breath caught in your throat.

he wore a navy suit, no tie and his hair was all messy. god he had never looked better. he began to walk over but his footsteps slowed when he saw you.

of course he knew you were coming tonight but he hadn't expected you to be this beautiful. your dress was hugging your curves in just the right places and your hair was pulled back, which you rarely had it, so rafe could see your features. and god those dimples would be the death of him.

"so um....ill leave you two to talk" says ward as he walks off to join his wife in discussion with your parents.

"you look-"

"i like-"

you both laugh as you interrupt eachothers sentences. his smile brought butterflies to your stomach. you had missed that smile.

"you first" you prompt.

he nods and looks you up and down. you can't help but blush. you missed when he looked at you like that. you missed a lot about him.

"you look incredible" he says truthfully. you smile at him. "you don't look too bad yourself cameron".

he smiles. you smile. he looks at you. you look back.

"do you want to talk outside?". the words come out of your mouth before you register what you are saying.

he looks surprised but then nods.

:::

your legs dangle in the water at the edge of the pool. rafe hands you a beer as he sits down beside you.

"i dont even know why i asked you to come out here" you chuckle before taking a swig of your beer.

"yes you do".

you turn to look at him. "yes you do" he repeats.

his eyes falter down to your lips then back up to your eyeline. if it wasn't for your inner conscience you would've kissed him.

instead you stood up quickly and shook your head at him.

"no no no no" you mumble, shaking your head as you speak.

rafe stands up and raises his hand as he nears you.

"no rafe you can't do that".

"do what?"

you scoff. "act like you can just kiss me and everything will be okay, it doesn't work like that".

"hell you cheated on me with my bestfriend and what now you want me back?".

there was silence then but the voices from inside the house. rafe was looking shamefully at his feet.

he couldn't even own up to his actions.

"fuck this". you pick up your heels and make a run for it. part of you was hoping he would chase you or call out your name but he didn't. he had wanted to but what would he even say?

there was no apology big enough for what he had done to you. perhaps you were better off without him.

:::

alone with a glass of wine was not how you had expected the evening to end. well you were with sarah earlier but she had disappeared a few minutes ago.

you hear someone call your name so you turn around. your heart sinks when you realize it is not him but your mother beckoning you to leave.

setting down your glass you take a look around just incase but no one. you sigh and head over to your mother and take her arm. she rubs your arm soothingly as you make your way over to the car.

as you open the door of the car you hear a shout.

"y/n wait!".

you hesitate before getting into the vehicle. there he was his hair disheleved and a distraught look on his face.

part of you wanted to get into the car and drive off but you know all too well what you were going to do.

"what do you want?" you ask bluntly. you decided you couldn't give him the satisfaction that you wanted him.

"you y/n". "i want you". he says as he moves closer so that there are but inches between you.

"you shoudl"ve thought about that before cheating on me" you reply shoving him back.

he grunts softly and runs a hand through his hair."fuck i know it was wrong i know i know. you dont know how sorry i am for doing it. im going to regret it for the rest of my life if it means i cant have you."

"please y/n. please." he looks down at you his eyes kept firmly on your lips. you licked your lips but refused to close the gap between you.

"fuck y/n what else can i do?". he places his hands on your waist, you glare at him but don't say anything. he slowly sinks to his knees, his head resting at your feet.

"god your so beautiful, i dont know how i can live knowing that you'll never be mine again please-"

you pull him up practically yanking him up from the ground. "if you say please one more time i swear to god ill fucking kill you".

he smirks at you. "what?" you say angrily.

"that was hot".

your cheeks go red and this time you don't even hesitate or think. you pull him closer placing your hand on his cheek. his lips meet yours and everything else melts away. its like your first kiss all over again. the spark is still there and the butterflies you had the night.

you can hear someone cheering who can only be your mother. you can't help but smile through the kiss.

nothing was decided yet but it didn't matter. at this moment in time rafe cameron was yours and only yours. his lips were on yours. his heart was yours.

and that was all that counted.

[dr0pp0pc4ndy]

"Promise me you'll come back..."

Setting: Final war arc Pairing: m x gn support course!reader, can be interpreted as any of the guys except Deku. CW: Death, war, violence, angst if you squint a/n: Ik this sucks but like I just caught up and ive been thinking about this. I didn't put it into writing as good as i wanted but its okay ig lol Wc: 600

The barren halls of the school echoed as you swayed with your thoughts, the sound of your footsteps where the only sound. It felt impossible for you to pick up your feet, each step felt like a thousands. The walls twisted and turned , running into you and ducking around you. These were the same halls you've walked everyday but they now felt unwelcoming and cold. Your heart was dragging behind you like an anchor with the presence of all the civilians that were currently being harbored away from the danger to come.

Everything was tense, you were so busy, he was so busy. You haven't seen him in weeks. Between finding Midoriya and preparing for the final war he had no time, not like you would be able to see him if he wasn't. The support course is tied at the moment with the plan to get the entire school to float and the replenishing of supplies and the whole electromagnetic field. You guys got it done with virtually no time to spare.

Faint footsteps started creeping towards you, getting louder while they crawled through the darkness. You stopped in your tracks. The nerves of the war preparation twisted your curiosity into fear of who was lurking about at this ungodly time of day. The figure creeped closer, their footsteps getting louder. Your eyes widened but your feet were stuck in place, you couldn't run, there was nowhere to run, you are locked in.

"(y/n)...?" Said the dark figure, stepping out of the darkness. You could recognize those eyes anywhere. "What are you doing around here?... Are you okay?" His eyebrows furrowed in confusion looking at the state of you. He stepped closer to your shaking body, reaching out to place a hand on your shoulder.

The lightbulbs buzzed and flickered, you swallowed hard before you spoke, breathily and shaky.

"I've missed you...". You grabbed his arm on yours reeling him closer to you. His scent flooded your senses, he smelled acrid like sweat but it didn't matter. Without the exchange of words, it was obvious he missed you as much as you missed him. He melted into you touch, shivering as you two held eachother with no words spoken for an eternity.

You turned your face towards his ear, nuzzling your mouth in the crook of his neck. "Promise you'll come back to me." You whispered against his skin, making condensation on the surface from the heat of your breath.

He pulled away from you to look you in the eyes. He grabbed on your shoulders and cocked his head to the side, processing your request.

"What are you talking about?" He spoke softly, grabbing your face. He wrapped his arms around your waist.

"When you guys go to battle...Promise me you'll come back alive..." Tears start to crash from your eyes, leaving bullet holes into all they touch. You couldn't contain the sound escaping from your mouth as barbed wire locked around your vocal chords. "...I'm scared."

"I'm scared too.. But it's do or die. The world as we know it will never be the same if we don't win this." He grabs your jaw, forcing you to look at him. His rough hands caress your cheeks, deflecting the tears' descent down your face. "I'll be fine. Don't you worry your pretty head about me. I'll be back, and when this is all over-"

"We can run away together." You smile, grabbing his face back, inching your lips to his.

"I've got a world to save... but sure, just for a day. Just for you."

[magnetothemagnificent]

Do you know if it's ok for gentiles to go to synagogue services? Even if they're not trying to convert & are just there to learn a bit more about Judaism and Jewish culture? I have a friend who's really happy for me going on my conversion journey and they want to support me by learning more about Judaism and they asked me if they can go to the shabbat service with me (I was invited by the rabbi), and I feel too weird to say yes, because part of my brain is like "gentiles showing up to synagogue uninvited by Jewish people? pull the lever kronk" I think that might be a bit scary, to have them show up unexpected like that. How would you feel if a conversion student brought their gentile friend? I'm assuming it's Bad but I'd want to make sure.

(ik it will be different for each Jewish community but I've only spoken to my rabbi in-person and won't get to see him again until Saturday to ask, and that's when my friend wants to come along.)

It's different in every community, but most synagogues will be alright with gentiles showing up to services to learn more and especially to support Jewish friends and family. Lots of Jews have gentile family members and friends, and when there's a life cycle event like a baby naming or B' Mitzvah or funeral, of course their gentile loved ones are welcome. Of course, because of antisemitism, many syngogues do require new people to identify themselves prior in order to make sure they're a safe person, so I say shoot an email to the Rabbi and introduce your friend first so that they're not a stranger. I think it's great that your friend is so supportive of your conversion.

And as for how I would feel about a gentile showing up to a synagogue event? Generally I feel neutral about it, and sometimes supportive. The only issue is when gentiles take over the space and act insensitively (which I have experienced), but it's not the situation most of the time. A lot of my extended family isn't Jewish, and when there's a life cycle event of course they come to synagogue and support us. The same with teachers, peers, and friends. The PE teacher for one of the Jewish day schools in the area (and the PE counsellor at the Jewish day camp) is legendary here, everyone loves him, and even though he isn't Jewish, he tries to attend all his students' Bnei Mitzvah is he's invited.

I've said this before, but you can be a part of the community without being Jewish, and as long as you are respectful and don't cross any boundaries, you are welcome.

[angelscabin]

Backstory

Posting this mostly for myself, feel free to ignore it.

I found Redacted ASMR in 2021, after going through a rough patch with a situationship (Ik wtf) although it never really became anything the feelings I had were definitely real and when it ended in the way that it did I became so depressed, a person that I had spoken to almost every day was all of the sudden gone and everything felt so empty and dull.

I was on YouTube listening to character ASMR videos as I used to do when I saw a video titled:

"Audio RP | Tsundere Werewolf Boyfriend"

I'll admit this was already similar to the videos I already listen to and enjoy, but I had never seen this creator before and I am always open to new things.

and thus it began! I became obsessed! All I wanted to do all day every day was listen to Redacted, I listened to all the playlists, fell in love with all the characters and slipped into the fantasy. I found so much comfort in the stories and characters, some people would call that sad but I don't. Finding this channel in such a dark time in my life was a blessing and it genuinely made me happy.

Now to the present, since then I have found myself in my first romantic relationship (we're coming up on 2 years aahhh!!) and I have sadly fallen behind in the lore and that makes me so sad, I've decided to jump back in and catch up and finally release my love for Erik and the fandom on this platform.

I'm not posting this in the hopes that people will see it, I don't care about interactions etc, this blog is for me and if you stumble upon this and want to follow go ahead.

Enjoy the rest of your morning/day/evening/night₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

[naomi-nana]

𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄 🎭 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐖𝐎

summary || the tsaritsa has a very cold look, but you can still sense a hint of pureness in it.

characters included . sandrone (marionette), the tsaritsa (your majesty), reader (creation, puppet).

a/n || chapter two!! i am on a writing rush rn and i have soo many ideas!! hope u enjoy <3 (yes ik it's xiao i can't find any good pictures ong)

warnings !! takes place before signora's death/scaramouche leaving/right after traveler arrived. sharp objects, possibly grammatical errors. fem!reader

𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞'𝐬 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭.

── 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐏𝐔𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐓 🎭 || TSARITSA ༉‧₊˚✧ .

When we entered the room, my body suddenly felt cold, the room doesn't have much source of light in it, even the whole building itself is dark. The only thing i could focus on is the cold center of the room. And there she was, standing proud and tall, The Tsaritsa.

Sandrone gestures me to look down in a polite manner as she is an important figure. "Your Majesty, i have heard of your call." Sandrone said in a polite manner. The Tsaritsa turns her head around and walks towards us. The more closer she got, the colder i felt.

"Marionette, i've noticed that you have created a new puppet, yes?" The Tsaritsa stopped in her tracks and questioned Sandrone about her creation. Sandrone nodded at her words.

"Indeed, Your Majesty." Sandrone gestures me to stand up and look at The Tsaritsa. "This figure that i've brought to you over here, is none other than the creation that you spoke of." Sandrone expressed. When i lock eyes with The Tsaritsa for the first time, i felt shivers down my spine.

She was a really beautiful lady. Her long hair swayed elegantly as she walked closely to me, her hair even has a slight hint of blue at the end of it. Her eyes looking cold but pure. "Hm..you certainly look perfect, yes. Marionette, would you mind if i used your puppet as a spy?"

The Tsaritsa looked over to Sandrone. Even though it sounds like a request, it was more of a demand. "Yes, Your Majesty. I do not mind in the slightest." The Tsaritsa extends her arms for me to hold on, and i accepted it without hesitation. When i hold onto her arm, it was soft, but very cold. It's as if her heart were frozen alongside her body. I feel some kind of weird power flowing through my body, though i figured it's nothing. After holding her hand for quite some time, she released my hand and gestures for us to go back.

Shortly after our meeting with The Tsaritsa, we go back to Sandrone's room. Sandrone seems to be looking for something in her drawers. I did not say anything as i was told to shut my mouth unless spoken to, the other reason being that i find the silence pretty peaceful.

From my analization, this place is a very quite place. Though i see alot of people in mask, i do not see them often. I see them the most when i was approaching The Tsaritsa's room. There is little source of light here, the place is cold as well. No wonder why Sandrone wears a big coat. This place is very big too, it's almost like a castle. Is that why they call The Tsaritsa 'Her Majesty'?

"Here, this is a small knife and a little bit of information for you." Sandrone hands me a sharp looking knife and a small paper with writings and a small map on it. "This knife is going to be your weapon, if you think someone is an enemy, prepare your knife. Your enemy is only outside of Snezhnaya. And this small piece of paper has the name of every important figures and nations." I looked at the little map on the corner which had 'Snezhnaya' written on it, i assume it's where i am right now.

I put the knife in my left pocket and the paper inside my small bag. "I have a meeting after this. You are going to go with me as an assistant. Then, afterwards, you will be let outside to begin your job as the fatui's spy. I will be leaving first. You can go look anywhere you'd like, but after hearing a bell ringing, you must come to the main hall." Sandrone gestures for her robot to take her outside of the room. And with that, i am left alone.

© naomi-nana 2023. likes, comments, reblogs & follows are greatly appreciated <3

[xiaoluclair]

hello okay i've seen you reblog 4433 posts so this is my invite for you to go fully incoherent rambling about why you love 4433 pretty please?

okay so i sure as hell ain't a vet but i Am intrigued invested enamored hopelessly sinking and it goes like This:

ONE. racer4racer ruthless4ruthless champion4champion. yall heard lewis talk about booing?? it just fuels me 💪💪. yall heard max? i'll just take my trophy home and they can have a nice evening ☺️. the objective energies are a SPECTRUM apart. but then you look a little deeper and Yeah, that's. thats a champion there and champion there.

alexa play monza 2021 silverstone 2021 jeddah 2021 interlagos 2022. in other words: racing other people?? yeah, fine. Can Do, no Problemo. racing each other? explosion Noises.

i.e. u know the phrase Opposites Attract? well. Yeah . onto

TWO. Opposites! e.g. Agendas (for lack of a better word.) max will kneel, will speak when spoken to. but give that kid the choice and he aint sayin a word. he is there to Race and have Laffs why u askin me about my political stance on cheese 🙄😒. lewis on the other more vocal hand Will Speak Out. prbly maybe it traces back to their childhoods, but im not getting into that Particular thing bc its too heavy for this and im not about to make it into a joke, So. yeah, the way they view their own Purpose within fame, the way max Wouldnt bc he thinks hes too small, insignificant in worldwide change, doesnt believe he can do Much for those larger social issues, then lewis doing so many things bc he might not alter the globe singlehandedly but he wants to be part of that smth Bigger. and no that is Not me saying max doesnt have a heart or doesnt want to help bc we've seen him raise donations and be Kind and condemn people for their shitiness. i just think, Opposites.

keeping with the seriousness: yall ever seen max wear smth not white and jeaned other than his racesuit and swim trunks?? MAYBE i can give him the singular fucking bowtie. lewis? ur catchin him suckin of the w14 before u catch him in that shit (Affectionate).

and to their hearts: both of them, who race to win, to be the fastest, to take home the trophy, to feed that fire as it burns on the track, to make their fathers proud. and then: lewis, who lives with faith, who races with God, who want to break records. max, who lives against superstition, who races with gut, who wants to rest. so Yeah. Opposites.

nYway,

THREE. i realize i havent actually touched much on their actual Dynamic HEE, so like. theyre fukin . miscroscope-worthy. in that they should be Studied. intently. i Cant with the whole, the whole Thing they have like. yeah no theyre not Best Buds or anythin but they Have been amicable. acquaintances. Rivals. and there is no fucking way im feeling Nuthin about two men racing with the Sole Focus of beating the other. first, thats 🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈YYY!!! second, that is Everything. who tf is feeling what either of them are feeling going into abu dhabi 21. who Else is putting down his visor knowing its Make or Break. who else is sinking into their cockpit pulling up at the starting line exhaling into their helmet as they watch the lights go out knowing its Now. its there, for Me or Him. its pinned in the center of Us right in the middle, could tip either way. who else, if not each other???? who ELSE I ASK!! also when tf did it happen before that two f1 title rivals went into the final race on equal points??? once?? idk but the Point is, theres two fuckin people (or close to) in the entire World who've been There, only one person who knows how you couldve truly Felt in ur Soul, hands on the steering wheel foot on the gas, has felt it too and hes sitting to ur left, takin a fuckin selfie of u both like sum social media Diva. smfh.

FOUR! they Actually get along???? like ik to some poople theyre tryna Kill each other 25/8 but dawg i think about tom sharing that lil story abt max asking lewis about his hair all the fucking Time its so Unhealthy i need More. n less often but still deserves Stage Time: lewis saying This Guy, this Fucking guy, and max calling him out on it right there on the podium. lewis showing max shit on his phone, makin him goddamn Giggle. the two of them just Joking Around, idk i think its Sweet. that they Can be okay, yknow, even with all the head to head (head 👀) shit they drove each other to in 21.

FIVE: the misc things! i.e. theyre no1s theyve both fucking Dominated the field. who else has on the current grid, i hear? No Fucking one. only Them. i.e. i think there is so much Potential. ik theyre so Different almost polar arctic antarctic north south but it warms my heart sm when theyre together Because of that. i.e. ik this post doesnt read quite so Shippy as it couldve but idk they make me feel More than that in a way bc theyre just so. Apart. and when they come together, it feels Monumental. plus the absolute Dawg the Cunt the 🧎🧎🧎 they can fit into a single photo:

.

Yeah .

[willowser]

what are the sort of au’s or situation u imagine for x gojo? i rly love reading for him but finding fics is so hard ✋ i honestly think u would do him justice even tho ik u don’t think so!

oooooh, difficult question !!! honestly, gosh, i feel like. writing in the jjk universe is so hard bc — there's so little time ?? throughout everything ?? like yes, there are years between high school gojo and current gojo to be played with but. idk. and all the box stuff happened in less than a month, and then we skipped to the current fight. so many things have been sort of passed over, like certain deaths 💀 so idk !! everything feels very fast-paced !! the story circulates around so many prominent, BIG events. and i struggle to find a way to fit a reader into his world that doesn't put them right beside him just following his lead, if that makes any sense !!

and au's are hard too !! bc. he's such a character ??? like i can't imagine him in a, say, pirate captain role ??? bc he's almost too...proper for that, couldn't be made out to be a drunk or obsessed with gold. a big part of his character is that he can do anything, can get anything — which really throws a wrench in writing him ajfhdkalal and maybe i'm reading him wrong, idk !! but i do struggle to fit him into different universes as well bc he's so. particular. and writing him to fit into those roles would make him too ooc for me. ALL THIS TO SAY — i'm in no way saying it can't be done or that there aren't plenty of pirate captain gojo fics that aren't AMAZING; i mean that i personally struggle to write him that way !!

BUT. ONE THING ABOUT ME I'M GONNA WRITE AN AU. SO LEMME THINK !!!!

i've spoken about this before, but i would love to write some fantasy au where he is a fallen god !!! and the priests of his temple — aka the higher ups — are given the most annoying task of bringing him back, bc even though they don't like his silly goofy ass !!!! the world would perish without him !!! and so they have to enlist you, little reader, who was dabbled in the dark magic !!! who was expelled from his temple, for attempting to revive his fallen friend !! it's very hypocritical of them to ask you, but. they show up on your doorstep with him in hand, all powerless and wimpy, and you've got to figure out a way to restore him 😌 it sounds fun !! but big LOL but i'd love to hack away at it someday !!

another one i thought of — and this, i suppose, could be modern or canon — is that gojo just kinda. shows up after being gone a while. as he does. with two kids in tow LOL and basically it's decided that that looks really bad for him ?? and so they have to hire someone to play his partner, which is where you come in 😌😌 sort of fake dating au ??

ooooh, i just thought of this in the shower but. what about. king gojo, that chooses to lead his own army to battle, only to get his ass kicked, unfortunately, because he lets his guard down momentarily when fighting his former ward !!!! WHAAAAT. and then he gets all jacked up and you find him bleeding out by the river akfhdjskal and have to help him, though you don't recognize him as the king !!

i've also thought of soulmate au ! in which he never ages and has to find you in every lifetime 🥺

and — i could just have a hard time writing him into an au bc i don't have a good enough handle on his character !! and maybe if i read him more, i could squish him into things, but ! he's difficult ! complex ! scares me !!!! but i do love a good au 😌 idk what do you think !!!! what kind of au's do you think he could be in ???