#ill also go back at practicing this time for real so that if i beat it maybe silksong will have to come out

[garagatos]

Drawing all p5 bosses: hornet

vengefly king

false knigth

gruz mother

moss charger

[dropthedemiurge]

Boys Be Brave [EP.5] // Translation notes

I'm back with my - I guess?? - already weekly analysis of something Gaga subs might've missed in this show. Because apparently, the silly show got deeper and I'm staying here until the very end :D

First of all, I was curious and checked whether there is anything about Kiseob's illness, and there is! There are two diagnoses:

상세불명의 심실중격결손 상세불명의 심방중격결손 Unspecified Ventricular Septal Defect, Unspecified Atrial Septal Defect

I am not a doctor definitely, but quick googling told me it's a heart defect (also called as 'a hole in the heart') which can have symptoms of heart malfunctioning. Which would! Explain even more! Why Kiseob has wrist watch that always measures his pulse and why on several occasions he was wondering why his heart was beating so fast next to Jinwoo (well, one for obvious reasons and another one is this).

And it's something you have since birth so he's been dealing with medication his entire life. Which would also explain further - after the scene with his sister - why the urge to be a people pleaser is so serious and so ingrained in him.

Another interesting language detail I noticed in this scene. Kiseob says "That's why I just agree to anything" but it doesn't translate well to english, because the verb 좋아/좋아해 can mean "I like" (eating medicine) and "I like (the idea)/I agree". So first he started lying that yes, he likes taking medicine, and that transferred to him saying that yes, he likes this, he agrees with this (whatever that is, anything he is proposed with)

"I cannot like anyone, right?" "Why not? You're a bastard with a lot of money"

This phrase references all the previous phrases that other people used to describe Kiseob, but Balgeum doesn't sense the real problem of his friend because the phrasing is general, it can also mean 'I have no chance of loving someone', and that's why Balegum thinks it's just Kiseob having low self-esteem or something. And also to him having money = being able to love, letting himself confess and date the one he loves, so of course, that's his answer. Kiseob has a lot of money, why wouldn't he confess to Jinwoo if he likes him?

But Kiseob can't because he doesn't even know his own feelings, and everyone around tells him he doesn't have the ability to love someone.

"Giving me (toilet paper) as if I moved to a new house"

Now, I cannot be the only one thinking years ago why the hell Koreans give each other huge packages of toilet paper when they visit someone xD But this is also a cultural thing!

When your friends move to a new house, you are supposed to come with gifts and usually with very practical ones, like toilet paper (very common gift). Rich friends can give you coffee machines or humidifiers or something like that. In my country, when you visit friends (not moving houses but still), you usually bring some desserts or food to have with tea. So for some countries, toilet paper is a norm :D

Balgeum has been living in his small apartment for a long time but it's the first time Inho visits his house so he's giving it a gesture of respect (but still an awkward one).

[Interrupting my broadcast to scream about cuteness and awkwardness of Balgeum x Inho AAAAAHHHHH Now back to the schedule]

...No, we will definitely focus on scribbling over Jung Kiseob's name for 100th time, absolutely distracted from any historical knowledge going in the background ^^

Oh! By the way! I remember being surprised that, apparently, some people on social media were uncomfortable with Kiseob seemingly 'feminizing' himself to be likeable by Jinwoo. Let me tell you that no, Kiseob doesn't do that at all!

There is nothing truly that indicated that he wants to be a ideal girl for Jinwoo (who has non-gendered perfect type list as I mentioned in my previous translation notes post!). He doesn't even use typical school-girl aegyo on Jinwoo (aka acting cute), maybe a tiny bit but it's not typical and it's not usually in his language at all. He talks gently and softly a lot! But he doesn't add typical cuteness in the way he talks (like there's no pouting, mumbling words and ending sentences with -ung).

I talked about dress = one-piece = jumper suit being the same in Korean but Kiseob literally only follows what Jinwoo wrote about a person he likes (not girl). As I described it, "he's using loopholes in Jinwoo's specific list in a true himbo way" :D He doesn't really do anything girly and doesn't pretend to be a girl as I can sense.

And I don't think I need to clarify another time, but falling in love during first snow/first sight is one of Jinwoo's list. Which Kiseob already fulfilled but he doesn't know that, and he just saw Jinwoo being with Hyejin witnessing first snow, which was the last straw for him to admit his failure and give up pursuing Jinwoo.

By the way, Koreans really think the first snowfall is a romantic event, like there are saying you'll fall in love with/be happy dating with someone you'll be with during first snow^^ It comes up in many Kdramas.

[agaypanic]

They're open yay omg!! Ok I had a cute idea for Rodrick Heffley if you're up for it! :)

Rodrick x Male!Reader where reader sings him 'boyfriend' by Big Time Rush the same way that Rodrick sang 'baby' by Justin Bieber for that one girls birthday (I literally don't remember her name lol but also it doesn't have to be his birthday) but like, it doesn't end as badly as it did for him lmao

Idk if they should be an established relationship between him and reader or if this is like readers confession so ill let you choose what you feel like writing for!

Boyfriend (Rodrick Heffley X Male!Guitarist!Reader)

Masterlist

Request Something!

Summary: While waiting for your friends to show up to band practice, you decide to show Rodrick a new song you’ve been working on.

A/N: this is my first time writing for rodrick so pls lmk how i did! au where reader wrote ‘boyfriend’ instead of btr (with a few tweaks). rodrick and reader are in the talking stage (i dont wanna say situationship but ig that works lol) but their friends dont know about it. the only instrument i know about is the violin so sorry if i get anything wrong. also i think doing singing in stories/fics is kinda weird/awkward but whatever lol

***

You always cherished the few minutes you had alone with Rodrick during band practice. Sure, you liked your other friends. But there was something about being able to watch Rodrick not put on the whole ‘bad boy rocker’ persona that he was used to wearing. Around you, he felt like he could wind down and not think as much.

Although, he didn’t think too much in the first place.

“I think we have a real shot at winning this talent show,” Rodrick said, drumming a beat on your thigh as he watched you tune your guitar. “We just need to practice more.”

“Well, I think we sound fine right now.”

“We don’t need to sound fine; we need to sound great!”

“Chill out, Roddy.” You said gently, putting a hand on his shoulder. “It’s a month away; we have plenty of time.”

“Don’t call me that.” Despite his words, the corner of Rodrick’s lip twitched up at the nickname. You were the only one who called him that. At first, he didn’t like it; it wasn’t a hardcore rocker name. But soon, he found himself getting giddy at the softness of it. “I guess you’re right, though.” 

Rodrick strummed his fingers across the strings of your guitar, laughing when you slapped his hand away.

“Work on anything new lately?” He asked, looking up at you from his hunched-over position. Along with being the guitarist, you were one of the main songwriters in Löded Diper, having many one-on-one writing sessions with Rodrick. That’s how the two of you grew closer, going from childhood friends playing on slides to somewhere between friends and something more, playing songs. Secret handshakes turned to lingering touches, and loud laughs turned to whispered jokes.

You were a bit hesitant to answer. You had been working on some new songs, but they didn’t exactly fit the Löded Diper brand. They were love songs, most, if not all, written with Rodrick in mind. 

“Kind of.” You finally say, picking at a frayed edge of your jeans. Rodrick perked up, always loving your new material.

“Yeah? Show me!”

“It’s not exactly like the stuff we play.” You argue, a bit anxious at the thought of Rodrick hearing what you had been toying with recently. “Besides, it’s not finished.”

Rodrick just shrugged, leaning back in his seat.

“Show me anyway.”

You hated how you could never say no to those eyes. You sighed and finally agreed, fiddling with your guitar while trying to remember the chords.

“No laughing.” You say.

“When do I ever laugh at you, Y/n?”

“All the time.” With that, you started playing. You gave Rodrick a nervous glance before clearing your throat and singing.

“Have you ever had the feeling you’re drawn to someone?

And there isn’t anything they could of said or done?

And everyday I see you on your own

And I can’t believe that you’re alone

But I overheard your friends and this is what they said”

Looking over at Rodrick, you saw him intently listening. Any other time, you’d be prideful of the fact that all his attention was on you. But right now, it made you wanna run. But you stayed planted in your seat and continued with the song.

“That you’re looking for a boyfriend

I see that, gimme time, you know I’m gonna be there

Don’t be scared to come put your trust in me

Can’t you see all I really want to be

Is your boyfriend

Can’t fight that

Knock me down you know I’m coming right back

I don’t care at all what you done before

All I really want is to be your

Boyfriend”

You let the last chord ring out before you set your guitar down and cleared your throat.

“So, yeah…” Rodrick kept staring at you. “That’s… the song.”

Rodrick scooted closer to you, and you lifted your head to face him eye-to-eye.

“Did you write that about me?” He asked, tilting his head to the side. You bit your lip, watching how his hair fell from the movement.

“Depends.” You say, taking a deep breath. “Did you like it?”

Suddenly, Rodrick laughed. It made you stiffen, but you soon relaxed when he put a hand on the back of your neck.

“You’re so corny, dude.” He said before closing the gap between you. 

After the shock washed away, you gripped at his hair and ratty t-shirt, wanting to keep him close. You had come close to kissing Rodrick a few times, mainly while drunk at parties that you shouldn’t have been at or during writing sessions that eventually got interrupted by Rodrick’s younger brother Greg. But those close moments didn’t prepare you for how good the real thing felt.

When you parted, you rested your forehead on Rodrick’s as the two of you caught your breath. You opened your eyes and moved back a bit so you could see him clearly.

“So…” You start, not knowing what to do from here. “Are you looking for a boyfriend?”

“Sure.” Rodrick snorted before kissing you again.

[ladykakata]

I just saw your post about ian’s disorder and how it distorts his reality and makes him question why mickey remains in his life and you really hit the nail on the head. people rarely talk about gallavich’s relationship battles from ian’s perspective unless it’s to criticise him and I think a lot of people find it difficult to relate to his issues ig? but mood disorders go hand in hand with anxiety, identity and confidence issues. but I also think its a writing issue because so little of ian’s experiences with his illness comes from his own perspective. so it makes sense the audience tends to sympathise more with mickey because we don’t get to see ian’s personal struggle or his reasoning for certain behaviors and s10 is one of the rare examples where he got to explain his issues and the audience still couldn’t understand. sorry this is ranty lol but I’m just happy to see more meta that defends some of ian’s actions 😊

Thank you <3 It makes me sad to see so many comments practically demonise Ian, and while Ian DOES do questionable things, he's no more or less blameless than Mickey.

A comment on my post mentioned that Ian fought for Mickey just as much as Mickey fought for Ian ... in the early seasons. Remember, Mickey literally beat Ian up in frustration over the situation with Svetlana and the forced marriage. Does him attacking Ian get him off the hook for what he did? No. Does it justify it? No. It's context, not justification, which can be two entirely different things. Ian refused to let Mickey go, he loved Mickey and was visibly heartbroken at the idea his man was slipping away, even if Mickey was trying to cover up his own upset by acting aggressively. Stans might paint Ian as in the wrong again, saying he should have been supportive of Mickey going through the forced marriage and understanding it's not as 'easy' as Ian makes it sound for Mickey to just deny his father. But bearing in mind, their relationship was still very young, Ian knows Terry is a disgusting and violent man, but the sense of doom and horror is not the same unless you've grown up with it and lived it like Mickey.

Ian fought for Mickey. And Mickey fought for Ian during his bipolar struggles. Keeping score is NOT wise in relationships, so I wouldn't call this keeping score, more them trading places in who is asking the other to stay or saying they love the other during dark times.

Another point is that this was all before Ian's bipolar condition really started to manifest, so Mickey must have been even more confused that the man who was distraught over him entering a meaningless marriage was suddenly pulling away and questioning his devotion. Emotional permanence is difficult in a lot of conditions, again I am not bipolar myself but DO have pretty erratic emotional issues that mean I can go from feeling adored to feeling like the scum of the Earth everyone hates, and there's the persistent background hum of feeling unwanted that's lifelong. Ian gets a triple-hit in that he's a middle child (younger than Fiona and Lip, older than Carl, Debbie and Liam), he's inherited Monica's bipolar disorder and his chronically unstable home life tends to lead to the idea of feeling wanted by his parents and forgotten by most. I wouldn't be surprised if he felt like his mother just rejected him/abandoned him considering how often she is gone, Frank has literally attacked him unprovoked and it was only when he grew in height and gained some confidence he really started to push back, and he is neither the baby of the family nor the parent figures that Fiona and Lip were forced to be. The people he tends to form relationships with tended to lean towards lust with no real chance at a stable, happy relationship (Kash, a married man with children, and Ned, who is the same albeit Jimmy is an adult) before Caleb and Trevor, which wouldn't surprise me if he again subconsciously thought he was disposable.

I guess I'm picking up on the side effects of Ian's neurodivergence, and it pairs with a comment remarking on how people are supportive of mental health disorders until their effects affect them, then suddenly everything is unacceptable. Again, some of Ian's actions are not justified - I'm once again referring to him baiting Mickey into a physical fight by calling him slurs - but he himself explains why he did it. Mickey looked past it, and I do wonder if he's realising that yeah ... Ian, the man HE knew and who was proudly gay with very little tolerance for homophobia, suddenly turning around and calling him slurs was incredibly out of character and likely another moment of Ian's brain lashing out.

Ian did negative things to Mickey, and he should apologise. Just as Mickey has done things to Ian and should apologise. One is not better than the other. Mickey's reasons for doing things can lie with his upbringing, PTSD and circumstances, Ian's reasons can lie with bipolar disorder, his upbringing and circumstances. But they are still well-intentioned for each other, and I think they do help bring out the best in each other.

[aihoshiino]

chapter 156 thoughts

Chapters Since The 143 Kiss Happened And Went Entirely Unacknowledged And Unaddressed Count: 13

Aqua Hoshigan Status: N/A

I'm gonna be real with you gamers I don't have a lot to say about this one LOL. Typically these Mem chapters come at the top or bottom of volumes as transitions between phases of the story so getting one slap bang in the middle of what will be volume 16 is a little jarring, as are the contents of it. Despite making up 1/3rd of the current B-Komachi, Mem is pretty underutilized across the whole manga so while it's nice to see her be given a proper arc capstone chapter all to herself, it feels underbaked. I almost suspect that the beats of this chapter may have been intended to serve as the bones of a Mem mini-arc at some point but with only so much time to spare before the manga ends it was crammed into this one chapter. Without any room to breathe, none of its beats hit.

Mem and Frill being friendly enough for solo hangouts is cute, though! One of the things I did like about the Movie Arc was the way it mushed the wider supporting cast together into a more closely knit social circle and I like seeing that reflected in moments like this. It helps add to the sense of them being people living their own lives who have things to do outside of dealing with Hoshino Family Drama.

The story swinging back to deal the elephant in the room that is Mem's real age is also potentially juicy but - say it with me, folks! - lacks the build up it needs to really be worth taking seriously. Prior to this, Mem's age has mostly been played for laughs when it has come up with no real indication that it's something the manga wants us to take seriously. In that way, the slightly blase framing of it here does better suit as a resolution than suddenly taking it deadly serious was but it does just end up feeling like something Akasaka added to the manga not because he felt it was an important part of the story but because it was next on his checklist of things to tie off before the manga ends.

This can really be felt in the way this chapter really fails to dig into why Mem even had to lie in the first place - there's the off-handed acknowledgement of Mem wanting to be an idol and her age potentially being a barrier in that regard but it doesn't actually dig into this premise of Mem's age being a problem. In a series whose proclivity for infodumping about the ills of the entertainment industry is practically a fandom joke at this point, it feels uncharacteristically restrained for it to not take this opportunity to talk about how this attitude is born from fetishizing, commodifying attitudes about youth and supposed 'purity' and the ageism and misogyny many adult women in the entertainment industry all over the globe have to deal with.

In general, OnK has been pretty toothless the last few arcs when it comes to the cast having to actually navigate the industry's toxicity. The way Ruby's struggles with idolhood are held up as comparable to Ai's is one major symptom of this that I'll probably go into at some other point, but we also see this in characters like Kaburagi and Shima-D too - despite being objectively pretty scummy individuals in terms of both their behaviour within the industry and their interpersonal relationships, the note the manga seems to have ended on for both of them is a sort of 'aw shucks he didn't mean none of it' wishy-washiness where it's unwilling to hold them accountable.

This toothlessness adds to making everyone's immediately acceptance of Mem's lie ring so deeply hollow. No scandal, no negativity, no nothing. An utterly frictionless resolution that feels as though it added nothing to the plot point it was tying off. Again, it would feel weird for this to become a big dramatic beat when the story has so consistently treated it like a joke but this half-baked conclusion leaves me feeling lukewarm at best.

To not end this on a sour note, I will say I really like the note this ends on of Mem deciding to shoot for university and I like Ruby finally giving Mem even a shred of props for the backbreaking amount of work she put into B-Komachi's growth. Appreciate Mem more, you little gremlin!!!

Speaking of Mem's JD dreams though, I've heard some speculation so far that Mem shooting for university is an indication that she's also going to be leaving B-Komachi but… eh, I disagree. Mem talks about how much the group means to her and her revealing the lie here feels like a step to try and protect her place in B-Komachi and ensure she can keep performing with them.

Break next week to no one's surprise… did y'all know the volume 15 release in Japan says volume 16 isn't dropping until December? Wild.

[avatar-anna]

Hunger

summary: harry reflects on a relationship that's long over

words: 6k

Candles burnt down to the floor, wearing less than you were before, shoes sitting by the door, never put them on. We would stay in the house for days, spilling breakfast on pillowcases, your stuff don’t taste the same, now that you’re gone.

Harry sat alone in his kitchen, his fingers clasped around a pale blue mug. The lip was chipped and the paint had visible streaks on it. It stood out against the rest of his collection of pristine, white and navy blue mugs, but his hand always reached for the same one that he should’ve thrown out by now. 

The high-pitched shriek of the kettle startled him away from his thoughts, though he wasn’t thinking so much as staring blankly at the pair of little initials and the date scribbled on the bottom of the mug.

He prepped his tea, his movements mechanical as he relied on muscle memory to guide him through his kitchen. When he finally slumped back into his seat at the kitchen table, he looked around. He used to think the table would one day be surrounded by high chairs and littered with sippy cups and homemade placemats. The fantasy was so clear in his head it felt real.

Now he felt nothing.

Harry took a sip from the mug and grimaced. He didn’t know why he still had this flavor of tea, he’d always preferred something more floral. But he couldn’t bring himself to throw it away. She always insisted on having a box of it in the house at all times. Harry always secretly hated it, but now he was drinking her tea from her favorite mug.

Each sip brought back a new memory; puzzle pieces fell into place until four years worth of a relationship laid itself out in front of him.

“Don’t go yet,” he said.

The morning air prickled his bare shoulders, but he didn’t bother with clothes. He hoped they wouldn’t be necessary in the next few minutes. 

“‘Don’t go?’” she repeated. “I haven’t been home in three days.”

The last few days replayed in his mind like an achingly sweet summer melody.

Harry had always loved the beginning of a relationship. The giddy uncertainty, the easily flushed cheeks, butterflies that thrived all the time in lovesick bellies. He never thought anything could beat the initial euphoria of a budding romance. It was a practically perfect feeling.

“I want to make breakfast for you,” he said, not realizing the words were true until they were out of his mouth.

Her movements stilled. She’d been slowly slipping back into her clothes, had just been about to put on her shoes, when Harry made his offer. With one boot dangling from her hand, she seemed to consider her options.

“It’s not gonna be, like, beans on toast or anything like that, is it? I can fake a lot, but I don’t know if I can fake enjoy eating that.”

Laughing at her admission, Harry shook his head. “No, I will not make you eat beans on—Wait a minute. Did you fake anything the last three days?”

Her responding grin was coy. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“You Americans are so brutal,” he said, clutching his chest as if he’d been wounded. “But now that you’ve said that, I simply cannot let you leave. I must rectify any ill performances on my part.”

He wasn’t actually upset by her teasing. He liked to think he was humble, but he also knew if he hadn’t been anything less than satisfactory, she wouldn’t have stayed at his place for three days.

Harry watched as the boot slipped from her fingers and hit the floor with a soft thud. His grin widened when she came over to him and straddled his waist on the bed. Her kiss was soft and sweet, the kind of kiss that wasn’t rushed or feverish because they had plenty of time. It was the kind of kiss that gave him a feeling he wanted to chase for the rest of his life.

Carefully, he flipped her over so that she was on her back. With one last peck to her lips, he said, “Now, make yourself comfortable again and I’ll bring breakfast up for the two of us to share.”

“You want to eat up here?” she asked him. “We’re gonna get food all over your million threadcount, hand woven, personally delivered Egyptian sheets and pillowcases.”

“Oh hush.”

Since seeing and feeling his bed for the first time, she gawked at how cloud-like it felt and had teased him mercilessly when he rattled off a brand name and description that sounded about as expensive as the bed probably was. Harry put up with it, had found it funny, even. Her laugh was music to his ears and her smile was even moreso. She was beautiful in every possible way, and he wanted to keep her in his bed for as long as she would let him.

Sliding out of bed, Harry put on a pair of briefs and a robe before going to make breakfast. Something quick and easy. Not because he couldn’t do anything else, he just didn’t want to be away from her for so long. 

Harry had never felt like that before. There was this indescribable insatiability he developed when they met. He simply couldn’t get enough of her.

Thinking back to the first few stanzas of their epic, Harry waited for butterflies to flutter so much it made his head spin. But they didn’t come. The flame on their candle had burned out a long time ago. Now all he felt was the harsh reality of her absence.

I guess I’m prone to overthinking. One thing goes wrong and I can’t adjust. I’ve lost the taste for the good in us, and I’m sorry.

“So, Harry, tell me how you’ve been.”

Harry shrugged, looking down at the scuff marks on his shoes. “Fine, I guess.”

“I’m gonna need you to do a little better than that, Harry.”

He didn’t really have anything to give, though, so he just shrugged again. The woman sighed, and though he wasn’t looking at her, Harry imagined his therapist taking off her glasses to rub the lenses with her sweater.

He’d been seeing her on and off for the last few years, so they knew each other quite well, which did not work in Harry’s favor at the moment. She could tell he was hiding something, and she was patient enough to wait him out until he eventually told her what was on his mind.

But they only had an hour, and he could use a little push in the right direction.

“You’ve been thinking about her again.”

He shrugged again. “A little.”

“What about her?” she asked.

Confused, Harry looked up for the first time since the session started. “What do you mean?”

“Are you thinking about just her as a person? Oe the beginning of the relationship? The end?”

Harry’s foot began bouncing rapidly. “The end, I guess. Why it ended.”

“And why do you think it ended?” she asked him gently.

“I let my fears get the best of me, of us, I suppose.”

“So you get to live your dream, but I can’t live mine?”

“That’s not what I’m saying! I’m just asking you if you really thought about this. Japan is a big deal.”

“Have I really thought about this? This is what I’ve been waiting my whole career for! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and it sounds like you want me to turn it down.”

She was a journalist, trying to make her way in the fashion industry. When Harry met her, she was taking some no-name publication and rebuilding it from the ground up. She made it trendy and worth reading, and was praised for her work. But when an offer to be a head editor at Vogue Japan was made to her, she couldn’t believe how well her hard work paid off. 

And all Harry could do was ask if this was really what she wanted.

“Come on tour with me,” he said desperately. “We can be together and you’ll get experience—”

The emotions on her face switched from frustration to disbelief to anger when he made that suggestion. “That’s your solution? Giving me a handout?”

“No, of course not! I just want us to be together. Is that such a bad thing?”

“I—I can’t believe this. I thought you would be happy for me.”

“I am, darling. Please, I only meant—”

“I need some air,” she said suddenly. 

Grabbing her keys off the counter, she left, not saying if or when she’d be back. 

“But that’s not when you broke up, is it?” his therapist asked him. She’d heard bits and pieces of Harry’s relationship in previous sessions, but not enough to paint a full picture.

“No, but that was the beginning of the end. She took the job and moved, and I convinced myself I couldn’t do long distance. We’d done it when I went on tour and she had to stay behind and work, but this was different. More permanent.”

“And what about her? Could she handle the long distance?”

“She was willing to try.”

His therapist didn’t say anything for a while, considering her next questions and waiting to see if Harry would offer up anything else. He didn’t.

“How do you think you would respond now, if you were in that position again?”

“Wh—Why are you asking me that? It’s over. She hates me now.”

“Do you really think that?”

He wasn’t ready to answer that question. He didn’t want to consider the gut-wrenching possibility that she hated him. So he did what he’d been doing in these sessions lately. He didn’t answer the question. Instead, he answered her original question.

“I would fight for us,” he said. “I would do everything I could to make it work.”

Not mentioning how he ignored her other question, the therapist said, “So you still love her then.”

Harry hung his head and mustered a small nod. “Yeah. Yeah, I still love her.”

We had a hunger then, only each other then. Couldn’t get enough when we started. Always a hunger then, now it’s just emptiness. We were in love, we were starving. We had a hunger then.

Harry’s heart pounded as he gripped the mic stand. He’d played shows in stadiums packed with tens of thousands of people, he’d stood in front of a room full of the world’s most beloved artists to accept awards, and he performed at the Grammy’s. How was this performance more nerve-wracking than any of that?

He was at a friend’s wedding, and a few months back, the bride and groom asked if Harry would sing the song for their first dance. He’d said yes, but now that the time had come, his palms began to sweat in a way they hadn’t since his early One Direction days.

“And now, please give a round of applause for the bride and groom!”

That was his cue. Curtains drew back, revealing Harry to the rest of the wedding guests. He’d been there for the ceremony, but his performance remained a secret until now. 

His eyes immediately searched for hers, the way they always did. She was always able to calm his nerves like no one else could. She was his rock. 

Finally, he spotted her. Her eyes were wide with surprise like the rest of the wedding guests, only when she regained her composure, she narrowed her eyes at him as if to say, “I can’t believe you hid this from me!”

Harry grinned, then looked back down at his lap to make sure his fingers were in the right place on the guitar before quietly counting, “One, two, three, four.”

“Woah, my love, my darling, I’ve hungered for your touch. A long lonely time. And time goes by so slowly, and time can do so much. Are you still mine? I need your love, I need your love. God speed your love to me.”

His eyes found hers subconsciously as he sang. They always did. This time, though, Harry searched her face to read her reaction. “Unchained Melody” was one of her favorite songs. She hummed it often while they were in bed reading together, in the kitchen while they danced, in his dressing room after a show. “I’ve always wanted someone to love me like that,” she explained to him once. “To have someone hunger for my love. Doesn’t that seem like a bad life, does it?”

Harry was more than willing to be that someone.

As he sang, he looked directly into her eyes. He wanted her to know that this—this performance—was hers. The song was for his friends to dance to, but his performance was dedicated to her.

“Lonely rivers flow to the sea, to the open arms of the sea. Lonely rivers sigh, ‘Wait for me. I’ll be coming home. Wait for me.’”

“God, I love you so much,” she panted, pressing him up against the door of the hotel ballroom’s bathroom. Neither of them could wait to go back to their room, so they snuck away like two teenagers at prom.

“I love you too,” was all Harry could muster. He prided himself on being more poetic with his declarations of love, but her kiss was dizzying and left his thoughts muddled.

There was no need for words after that, anyway. Her lips detached from his neck and found his again, her hands finding purchase in his hair. Harry’s hands were all over the place—the ends of her hair, her cheeks, eagerly gripping and caressing whatever he could, the noises she made only spurring him on.

Taking advantage of the flimsy straps that held up her dress, he pushed them off her shoulders and watched it fall in a lacy pool at her feet. He was quick to get on his knees, kissing up her leg and stopping at the high point of her thigh. He sucked a spot into her soft skin.

“H, come on, please,” she whimpered, a tremor running through her body.

“Don’t worry, angel, I’m coming to take care of you,” he mumbled against her, dragging his lips up, up, up before lifting her leg over his shoulder.

She whimpered again, but not so much at his touch. She never said it, but she loved when he called her angel. "You are to me," he told her once. "The closest thing a man can get to heaven on earth. You're heaven. My heaven."

It was safe to say neither of them left the confines of his bedroom that day.

Harry raised his eyes to meet hers. “I love you. You want me to show you just how much?”

“Yes, please. Come on, we don’t have much time.”

Harry paused, a grin twitching on his lips. “Oh no. Can’t rush work like this. We’re gonna have to stop if we don’t have enough time.”

She pouted at him, clearly not amused with his teasing. He enjoyed it, though, loved how desperate she became when he dangled himself like a carrot in front of her. When she was seconds away from stopping her foot out of frustration, he kissed her inner thigh again.

“I’m only teasing, angel. I’ll make sure no one notices we’ve been gone too long.”

She huffed, but there wasn’t any more time for pouting. She gripped his hair, harder than she normally would, as retaliation for not giving her any warning, but he was only loving on her the only way he knew how, with his entire being. Ardently. Unequivocally.

We could ruin a perfect night. On my birthday I made you cry. You told me you learned to drive, I guess you lied. I could never get sick of you, I just bit off more than I could chew, and as one year turns into two, I’m still not over you.

Harry left therapy in a daze, his head still dredging up memories from the past. He seemed to be stuck reliving all of his worst mistakes. No amount of time had eased the ache of regret. So much so that he tried not to keep tabs on her anymore. When they first broke up, he would spend an unhealthy amount of time on her social media, just so he could see her smile. It had been so long since he’d seen it.

He wanted to reach out so many times, but he never did. No one would let him. His sister held his phone hostage at night for a month, his manager eventually changed the passwords to his social media accounts, and his mother simply helped him see reason. Their breakup was final, and both of them were hurt in ways that would take a long time to heal. Contacting her before either one of them were ready wouldn’t do any good.

So for a whole year, Harry was miserably alone. He hardly slept, and even when he did, tears soaked the pillow. There was no more breakfasts in bed, no more dancing in the kitchen, no more anything. His house was glaringly empty.

All he could think about was the past, where he pretty much lived for the better part of a year. Harry dwelled on their best and worst moments, torturing his guilt, picking at the scab on his heart instead of letting it scar. He thought about that night, especially. The one that ended it all.

Harry didn’t always have a party on his birthday, but this year he thought why not. 

She came, of course she did. They’d hardly spoken the last few days, their busy schedules and differing timezones limiting them to a couple of texts. But she was happy, she was so, so happy. Harry could tell through her texts and the phone calls. She loved her job, she loved her apartment, and she loved the people she worked with. She was filled with so much love for her new life in Japan, that Harry sometimes felt that she was leaving him in the dust. She wasn’t, of course, but there were moments where Harry feigned being tired or pretended to be asleep when she called because he missed her too much.

It was crazy to think about in hindsight, but he never claimed to be an expert at relationships. Harry loved her more than the day they met, but the physical distance between them allowed for bitterness to sink its nasty claws into him. And when she’d told him in advance that she wanted to bring a friend from work, and Harry told her it was fine, but all that did was make him even more paranoid.

She was so happy to see him despite the palpable tension and unsaid words between them. And he had been happy to see her too, had spun her around in his arms and reacquainted his lips with hers in a kiss that made him want to send everyone home. For a minute, nothing was wrong. For a minute, everything was as it should have been. They were together again, everything was going to be fine.

And then she introduced him to her friend.

Looking back now, Harry had the common sense to know that that was all he was to her, a friend. But Harry from the past thought differently. 

All night, his vision grew redder and redder as he watched her flaunt her “friend” to everyone at the party. She laughed loudly, stuck by his side, bragged about his long list of accomplishments, shared anecdotes and inside jokes. With each drink Harry knocked back, Harry’s anger took root, grasping onto every pre-existing doubt and fear he had to form one monstrous knot in the pit of his stomach. 

“A toast,” she said when everyone had gathered around at her request. “To my beloved, the only person in my life worth traveling thousands of miles for. I love you more than words can describe. Happy birthday, baby.”

Everyone awwed and clapped and raised their glasses. Everyone but Harry. How could she say things like that when the man she was cheating on him with was in the room with them?

Raising his own glass finally, he gave a toast of his own. “My girlfriend, the liar, everyone.”

His words caused the chatter in the room to cease as all eyes turned to the two of them.

“What are you talking about, baby? Is everything okay?” she asked him, her cheeks flushed.

“You really didn’t think I wouldn’t figure it out? You’re fucking him,” he spat, nodding his head angrily at her colleague.

Shock came before anger, but she didn’t say a word, which only served to make Harry feel more vindicated in his accusations. “You’re not even going to deny it? Not even gonna try to give me some lame fucking excuse?”

“You’re drunk,” was all she said, shaking her head bitterly.

“That doesn’t mean I’m wrong! How could you do this to me?”

A frustrated tear rolled down her cheek, but at that moment, Harry couldn’t bring himself to care. He was just so furious.

People started coming up with excuses to leave, and they slowly trickled out of Harry’s house until it was empty. Her friend was the last to go, muttering under his breath that he was going to his hotel. She simply nodded and gave his arm a squeeze.

It wasn’t until they were completely alone that she spoke. “Are you really that insecure to think I would cheat on you?”

Her voice was calm, thinly veiling her anger. Harry was the complete opposite, too many drinks in to be anything but loud. “What am I supposed to think? I hardly see you, you spend all your time with him—”

“You’re supposed to trust me!” she cried, her limits finally reached. “You’re supposed to have faith in me because we love each other and we’ve been together too long to think that someone could come between us!”

“You were all over—”

“Do not even finish that sentence, Harry Styles, I swear to God,” she warned. “He doesn’t know anyone here, I was being a good friend. And besides, you were the one whose been hiding behind your fucking liquor—”

“Oh, so it’s my fault, is it? I’m the one who screwed up here?” he said, not backing down. He should’ve, but he didn’t.

“You were the one who decided to let drunken stupidity think for you, Harry. He’s my co-worker, we work on a lot of projects together, of course we’re close. Do you know how many times I see or hear that you’ve cheated on me with some actress or model? But I’ve never believed any of that bullshit because that’s all it is. Because I don’t think so little of you.”

She wouldn’t look him in the eye, she couldn’t. Her cheeks were stained with tears, and as Harry’s fog of fury dissipated he wanted to reach out and wipe them away. He’d been so wrapped up in himself, he never thought about what the distance would be like from her perspective until it was too late.

“Angel, I—”

“You just humiliated me in front of all of our friends over something that isn’t even true,” she said, a little astonished that he’d behaved like this. “And you know what? Maybe he and I are good friends, but H, you’ve been so distant. You hardly call, you’ve skipped out on FaceTime dates. You iced me out for no reason. All over something we could've resolved if you just talked to me.”

Harry did reach out to her then as another tear fell, but she stepped away from him.

“How could you do that to me? To us?”

“I’m sorry, I—I know you would never cheat. I don’t know why I would—”

“We were designing something together. For you. That’s why he came tonight. I wanted him to see your reaction in person,” she said, her voice steadier now than it had been since the argument began.

Sighing, she reached for his hand and kissed his knuckles. It should’ve felt relieving, but it didn’t. Somehow, he knew they'd reached the end. They both did.

Harry would live to regret that night for the rest of his life. Before, the issues they were having could’ve been fixed. She could take time off, he could call more, visit more, but he’d done irrevocable damage, and now he had to pay the price.

A year after they broke up, Harry went to see her to apologize. He was a wreck without her. Life just wasn’t the same when she wasn't in it. So after a year went by, he hoped enough time had passed where they could talk things out, possibly test the waters of their relationship once more.

But he was in bad shape, and she wasn’t in a place where she could fix him. She was still in love with him too, but she also wasn’t ready to forgive him yet. So she sent him away, and it fell like they’d broken up all over again.

All Harry could do was cry in the weeks that followed. That goodbye felt final. She didn’t want him back, and he could only blame himself for being alone.

We had a hunger then. Now it’s just emptiness. Couldn’t get enough when we started. Always a hunger then.

Harry didn’t really want to come to this event. There were too many people with cameras and questions, and too much socializing that he wasn’t really in the mood for. He had no desire to wear a smile he didn’t feel and make small talk with people in the industry who only wanted to talk to him just to say they did.

But he came anyway, was practically forced out of his house by his manager. So he was here, but he was keeping to himself. Anyone that wanted to talk would have to come up to him, he wasn’t about to go out of his way. The red carpet entrance alone was exhausting. People asking for his next album or single or anything. He just gave a close lipped smile, resisted the urge to fidget with his rings, and stepped inside the event space.

He was at the back of the room, counting down the minutes until he thought it was appropriate to leave. The dinner was fine, having sat next to people he was familiar enough with. An Italian designer, a director and his wife, two members of a band, and himself. He let his table do most of the talking while he picked at his food and sipped on his sparkling water, and having picked up on his somber mood, they pretty much left him alone.

The members of his table cleared out after dinner to get more drinks or talk to other guests they recognized or to make their way to the dance floor. Harry stayed where he was for another fifteen minutes before deciding to head home.

“Harry?”

That voice. The one that haunted his dreams at night and kept him company in his daydreams. Part of him thought he really was losing his mind when he heard his name, but then she called out to him again, and he knew it had to be real.

Turning around, he silently prayed his knees wouldn’t buckle.

She was radiant, she was Venus emerging from the sea. She looked the same, yet different, like she’d done a lot of living since the last time she saw him. Harry was happy that the last two years seemed to have been kind to her.

“Hi,” he finally managed to say, his voice barely discernible above all the others in the room.

He supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised to see her here. It was some event put on by Vanity Fair, so it would make sense that she would be invited. Harry had to be forced out of the house by his manager tonight, but now he couldn’t be more thankful. Just seeing her again made him feel just a little bit better.

She stepped closer to hear him better, and he could only hope she wouldn’t notice the bags under his eyes. To Harry’s surprise, she wrapped her arms around him in a hug. Too shocked to process what was happening, he hardly felt it, his arms remaining awkwardly at his sides.

“How are you?” she asked.

The truth simply wouldn’t do. She didn’t need to know that he was still catastrophically in love with her, even after two whole years of them being broken up. So, giving her the same line he gave his therapist two days ago, he said, “Fine, I guess.”

“You guess?” she asked, a playful smile on her lips.

Harry blushed. “Yeah, it’s just—it’s been a while, hasn’t it?” he said, like he didn’t know the exact number of days since they’d seen each other.

“It has,” she replied, but he didn’t sense much in terms of fondness or nostalgia in her voice. Whatever feelings she had or didn’t have, she was doing a much better job of hiding them than he was.

He probably shouldn’t have, but he found himself saying, “I—I’ve missed you.”

The room they were in was much too loud, but Harry swore he heard her breath hitch. Other than that, though, she didn’t really react. Harry took her lack of response as his anser. His conversation with his therapist had been on his mind, and in a stroke of courage, tried to extend an olive branch, and he only ended up looking like a lovesick fool.

Harry mumbled some kind of goodbye and excused himself. He hated that he was still in love with her and she wasn’t, that she’d been able to move on and he couldn’t. It wasn’t fair. He just wanted to be loved again and—

“Do you—Do you want to dance?”

Harry froze in his tracks. Slowly turning back on his heel to face her, he said, “You want to dance? With me?”

She nodded and held out her hand.

So now they were dancing. A hand on her waist, one on his shoulders, two joined together as they swayed back and forth to the music. Other couples had their heads rested on their partners’ shoulders, but she stayed standing up straight. She wasn’t rigid, just keeping enough distance between them so as not to confuse things further.

Harry didn’t really know what to feel. He was over the moon, of course. He’d wished and waited and hoped and dreamed and prayed that an opportunity like this would present itself, and it finally had. Only he never accounted for the confusion and uncertainty. He didn’t know what their shared dance meant. Was it merely a dance or was it a door opening to more? He couldn’t be sure, and since she didn’t say anything, he didn’t either, settling for enjoying having her in his arms again in this small way.

She smelled divine, the familiarity of her perfume a punch to the face. Memories of them tangled together—a picnic date that ended with Harry sleeping on her lap, him rushing her to the Emergency Room when she slipped and fell trying to reach a salad bowl on the top shelf, their first “I love yous,” the last time he saw her completely bare—flashed across his mind as they danced. It all felt nearly perfect. If it wasn’t for the uncertainty of how this dance would end, it would’ve been.

“Can I confess something?” she asked out of the blue.

“Of course,” he said, trying not to sound too eager.

“I can’t—I can’t remember the song,” she said.

“Can’t remember what song?”

“The song you sang when you washed my hair that one time. I—I can remember the shampoo you used, and I can remember what you were wearing, and what color nail polish we were wearing, and I remember you humming a song, but I don’t remember which one.”

For a moment, Harry’s heart stopped beating. He remembered the day, thought about it often. He just didn’t anticipate her bringing it up so plainly like that.

“You’re not getting in with me?”

When she had particularly stressful days at work, Harry liked to run baths for her. It was a way to help her relax, but it was also an opportunity for them to spend time together intimately too. He usually sat behind her and just listened as she said whatever she needed to get off her chest, or talked about random things until she eventually fell asleep against him. He’d rub her shoulders, kiss her neck, feed her grapes, do whatever he needed to until the tension was released from her body.

Used to their bath rituals, she expected Harry to climb into the tub after her, but he stayed where he was. He hadn’t even removed a stitch of clothing.

“No, I want to try something different, if you don’t mind,” he said.

Kneeling next to the tub, Harry took a pitcher and ran the faucet, filling it up all the way to the brim. She watched his expression closely with curious eyes, noting the concentration etched into his face.

“Tilt your head back for me, please.”

Realization dawned on her, and she did as he asked, her eyes closing as Harry poured the water down the crown of her head. His fingers were feather-light as he moved her hair around to soak it thoroughly, his touch sending happy little tingles from the top of her head down to the rest of her body.

Neither of them said much, though sometimes he asked if he was being gentle enough, and she quietly gave him pointers on how to properly care for her hair. It was peaceful and comfortable, both of them content to just bask in the other’s presence.

“Tonight you’re mine completely. You give your love so sweetly. Tonight, the light of love is in your eyes. Will you still love me tomorrow?”

Harry’s voice was so soft, she could hardly make out the words, but she was just able to. The words, his hands in her hair, it filled the room with warmth, made her love him even more than she already did. She’d never met anyone so loving, so eager to express their love in ways that were unique and personal, as Harry. She knew from that moment on that it was a privilege to love and be loved by him, and she vowed she would always reciprocate that kind of love for him.

“I remember,” he said quietly, his eyes darting down to make sure he didn’t step on her toes. How could he not? "It was a Carole King song."

“I think about that night often,” she admitted.

Harry couldn’t quite believe the conversation they were having, couldn’t believe they were having it in a room full of people. But he was too scared to alter this moment in any way, so he didn’t suggest finding somewhere more quiet to talk. He worried that the tiniest of changes would ruin it. All he could do was be thankful that the music was loud and people seemed to be in their own worlds and not paying them any attention.

“Y—You do?”

She nodded. “I—I feel like it’s the only time I hear your voice these days. Why—Why don’t you sing anymore, Harry?”

“I write now mostly,” was his non-answer.

How could he admit to her that he couldn’t stand to sing the songs he wrote because he cried every time he tried to? Every lyric was a tribute to the passion they shared, the love between them, how he ruined everything. The songs he wrote relieved and punished him at the same time. He felt like Tantalus, who was always within reach of food but could never eat it, cursed to starve for eternity. Harry was tormented by these songs, starved of living the life he had in them, but knowing he never could. So he sold them off or kept them to himself instead.

“Oh,” she said. “Are you—Does that make you happy?”

“Are you happy?” he asked her.

He needed to know if she was as starved as he was. If she wasn’t, if she was happy without him, it would possibly kill him, but he wouldn’t admit that he wasn’t over her. Her happiness meant everything to him, he wouldn’t ruin it again.

“I—Yes. Yes, I’m happy.”

Tears were coming, he could feel his throat closing up and his eyes stinging. The hand on her waist curled in on itself so that his nails were biting into his palms. Harry tried to focus on that pain and not his heart shredding itself into tiny, irreparable pieces.

“Good. That’s—That’s good. I’m happy for you,” he said around the lump lodged in his throat. He began to pull away, not caring if it made his true feelings obvious to her. He needed to get away before he really made a scene. “It was nice seeing you again.”

Harry tried to turn around, to turn away from her, but she grasped his hand before he could, her thumb soothing over where his nails had dug crescent moons into his palm. Raising their joined hands, she kissed his knuckles, the action alone powerful enough to bring him to his knees.

“I’m happy, but I—I could be happier.”

He tried to find the words, any words, but he couldn’t. His brain was short circuting. All he could do was rest his forehead against hers, tears of solace falling silently as they continued to sway to the music.

[satoruhour]

My gojo brainrot IS NOT HELPING ME CONCENTRATE SOMEONE BEAT THIS MAN UP A LIL PLS.

Tell me why I got this vision of girldad!gojo having a daddy-daughter day (the daughter is like 3-4) while you stayed home, cuddled up in couch,you think back of times when your daughter was born. You realise how gojo had been the best if not the bestest dad ever to yalls daughter, helping you out throughout pregnancy and in postpartum, still is one of the best role model for your daughter and the model husband for you, you fell asleep thinking about these

meanwhile they arrive home- saw you cocooned like this in the couch. Gojo wasn’t sure whether it was possible for his heart to deepen the love he has for you even more- but seeing you like this has proved him wrong.

He picks up his daughter, places a kiss on her and whispers- isn’t mommy the absolute best? To which your daughter nods.

They both grab blankets from the bedroom and places it on you while snuggling themselves against you. You wake up seeing them both cuddled up with you, when gojo presses a kiss on your forehead and motions at his daughter to which they both say-

“Thank you for being the best mom, I love you” which makes you all teary eyed

This is so corny and tooth rotting HELP-

I think my brain is going all south from the sadness of shibuya arc. I’m getting emotional at this. Gonna have to share my emotion with you T😔

AWW STOPPPP I LOVE THIS 🥹🥹🥹🥹 the gojo brain rot is so real i fear it’s never going away atp. ok but. lets focus on daddy-daughter day for a bit cause how CUTE is that ???!!!! his baby is so excited to show off how cool his dad is at school. he gets both of them matching outfits and matching hats and they look so cute with satoru holding her hand while she carries her little backpack OOUGGHHHHH IM ILL THATS SO ADORBS 😭😭😭😭 you just HAD to take a pic ! it was ur lockscreen for so long ehehe

the other kids are so in awe of gojo bc one. he’s super tall but also his features r so. striking that the boys want to BE him and some of the mothers are like attracted to him bc of how sweet he is to his baby !!! he only has eyes for you tho :p

but anyway yes you realise just how good of a dad gojo is and how blessed you were with a kid like your first daughter. he’s always so cautious while handling her, always having the brightest expression when talking to her, taking care of you endlessly even when you swore you were fine (god i need him) that you get a little teary eyed before sleeping, but ultimately you’re going to sleep with a smile on your face when satoru sends you a picture of them finishing up daddy-daughter day with big grins and ice cream (they got one for you too!!) and ugh it becomes your homescreen after LOLOL

and then when they come home 🥹🥹🥹 they grab blankets for you when they see you so comfortably snuggled up after months of stressing over whether the baby would be okay, moving everywhere in the house to take care of food, diapers, etc. even when your darling girl was born you’d still be at the forefront trying to shoulder everything bc it’s just a mother’s instinct 💗

ill change ur narrative a bit tho - i would think gojo would be carrying her when she comes back and he whispers about how youre such a good mama, and your baby girl almost shouts the idea of wanting to cover you with a blanket until satoru shushes her with a kiss to her forehead LOLOL shes too cute. before they officially go to find the blanket though, gojo is telling her something - “okay, so let’s practice this a little, ‘thank you for being the best mom, i love you!’” and ur daughter is like can we change it to mama ??? we call her mama right? and gojo wants to scream into a pillow cause his baby girl is just too cuteee 😞😞😞😞 and they practice it a little until she memorises it!

then, gojo guides her thru the house to where the spare blankets are and lets her choose and lets her lug the heavy thing out into the living room and hes so mean not helping her omg. even takes a vid of her pulling it and struggling 😭😭😭 bro is insane. but anyway they both drape it over you, but not before they’re cuddling up to you as well - all the movement and fabric wakes you

and you’re smiling wide, mumbling “welcome back” while half asleep and your baby jumps into your arms and rambles alllll about daddy daughter day and how papa was the coolest there !!!! you’re all like “oh really?” and gojo only nods, on a high horse from all the praise and you shove him with a loud laugh, only to be interrupted by “waiiittt! mama! i have something to say!!!”

they look to each other for a bit before they turn to you, your daughter struggling to catch up a little bc gojo talks so DAMN fast: “thank you for being the best mama, i love you!” they get it right the second time and by then you’re doing that downward “aww” smile with big teary eyes which they just hug to comfort you and it only makes you cry more :((((( they both give you lots and lots of kisses to make up for it !!! and later at night satoru reminds you of how large of a light you’ve been to both him and your daughter and that they really really really love you so so much

[bunnygirl678]

it's valentine's day, i'm sick so i didn't go bar hopping like i had planned on doing, this is my first single valentine's day in like 7 years and tbh i was looking forward to drinking like i was 22 again, lmao, so in turn y'all are gonna get a bull tauros riding au, little back story, my father and most of my male relatives were bull riders in their younger years so i grew up around the culture and i'm from Texas (fun fact I have the Texas flag above my bed like i'm a frat boy lmao) Also this is probably more along the lines of gameverse?

-Our tauros riders are red and green

-they're competitive with each other, they've been rivals since their mutton wooloo bustin days, they've both got their fair share of buckles, red is the current world champ

-they have a little secret though, they're mutually in love with each other but neither will admit

-red doesn't speak to most people, won't do interviews, he'll talk to Green though, Green on the other end will take any sponsorship he can get, is constantly doing interviews, loves the attention

-then some new comers pop up on the scene, we've got the mysterious redheaded cowboy with a chip on his shoulder named Silver, and he's itching to take the title from Red

-who is Silver? well turns out he's the son of Giovanni, the previous champion who came out of retirement to go up against red,

-but Giovanni got hurt, bad, like he almost died, Silver blames Red for what happened to his father, but Silver looks nothing like his father and doesn't use his name so no one knows who he is, but he wants revenge

-Silver refuses to make friends with anyone, even though Green keeps reaching out, desperately trying

-then there's Gold, a buckle bunnelby (buckle bunny is a term for "fake" country girls who hang around rodeos trying to date the cowboys) who has a thing for redheads

-Gold takes interest in Silver, who is up and coming winning a bunch, there's more to Gold than meets the eye, Silver ends up letting Gold hang around him a lot and falls for the cutie the more he gets to know the real him

-Green too becomes close with Gold, but not in a romantic way (remember he's hopelessly in love with his rival), problem is Red doesn't know that

-Red gets jealous that Green and Gold hang around together he starts lashing out a bit towards Gold, now Silver already hates Red but watching Red be an ass to Gold pisses him off even more

-they're practicing together, Red is being a super asshole to Gold, and Gold is done. He gets up on a bull before Silver/Green can stop him,

-Guess what, Gold was an up and coming rider before he suddenly quit, after proving himself he jumps off leaving everyone flabbergasted and just keeps walking,

-Silver ends up going after him, because he thought they were friends why would he never tell him, Gold admits crying that his mom passed from an extended illness and he couldn't bring himself to keep going, it had always been their thing, whereas with Silver it was the opposite, he had never been interested until his dad got hurt

-Silver convinces Gold to start riding again, suddenly he's not as interested in revenge but wants to see Gold succeed, late one night after a particularly grueling training Gold leans in and kisses Silver, Silver kisses back, they're together now <3

-Red pushes himself harder, Green announces that he's going to retire at the end of the season, Red is heart broken the best part of riding is competing against Green, and he really won't see Green anymore if he retires, like he knows it's the end of their friendship

-it's finally time for the big finals, red, green, silver, gold are the top contenders, Silver places 4th, he and his father share a nice moment, he's upset he didn't beat Red, but he found love awwww

-green places 3rd, he's happy, says he's looking forward to starting the next chapter of his life (maybe he gets a ranch idk), but there's a sadness in his eyes when he looks at red, regret for things never said or done

-it's down to red vs gold, red hates gold, he thinks green likes him, doesn't know about silver, ect ect

-gold wins 1st, he's the new champion, he points the sky and says 'look mama i did it!' very sweet and emotional, silver runs out kissing his boy, not only did gold do amazing and fulfilled his dream, he beat red effectively getting revenge in silver's eyes

-red is like wait???? gold is with silver???? then he's like oh shit green must be heartbroken, that was why he looked so sad, he goes to find green and tell him how sorry he was, and at first green thinks it's about him placing 3rd and he's kinda pissed about it, like it feels condescending

-but red is like you deserve better than gold anyway, and green is like wait what? you thought i liked gold?? no you big dummy i like you!

-thinking it's his last chance, green kisses red, who immediately kisses back

-leads to 'oh wait i thought this was one-sided'

-red who really cares more about green than his title announces his retirement, he and green settle down on a ranch growing old together

-gold rides a few more seasons then retires as well, he and silver breed tauros and live happily ever after

[lestappenforever]

I don't know how your knowledge of One Direction in, but I've seen a lot of posts going around about some people in the Lestappen fandom comparing them to Larry and I just wanted to ask if you agree?

Hello, anon!

I've honestly been staying away from any and all posts about it, but since you asked me directly, I'm going to give you an answer.

I have never been a part of the One Direction fandom, but when I was on Tumblr the first time around on my old account, they were at the very height of their popularity, and the Larry ship was everywhere, to the point where it was actually impossible to avoid. And honestly, if people compare Lestappen to Larry, I'm kind of struggling to see how Lestappen appeals to them because those ships are nothing alike.

Look, one of the things that has always been the most appealing thing to me about Lestappen is their lore. The growing up together in karting, the almost life-long rivalry, the drama. The way they’ve shared a profound connection that started with a childhood rivalry, to practically hating each other, to adult rivalry in F1, to mutual respect, to the genuine respect and enjoyment of each other's company, and the friendship that we now see between them. But most importantly, the way they've both still managed to hold onto their undying desire to beat each other, and how much they both enjoy fighting each other on the track every chance they get, even to this day. It’s beautiful.

"He wants to beat me as much as I want to beat him." "These two will fight forever. They will fight even in F1′. A prophecy." I mean, there’s just so much lore behind Lestappen that if you were to read a book or watch a series/movie about two characters with the same backstory, the same enemies to rivals to friends storyline, you'd roll your eyes and say it was too much, too exaggerated. But it’s not — it’s real. We're blessed to witness it all in real time, and it’s a rivalry that will go down in history, because when people talk about Max Verstappen years from now, they'll also talk about Charles Leclerc. And vice versa.

And now I'm going to very briefly explain why I've stayed away from all those posts comparing Lestappen to Larry: One of my closest friends back then was a huge fan of both One Direction and Larry, and she asked me to write a fic about them once for her birthday. I did, she loved it, she asked me to post it on Tumblr and AO3, and it was the biggest mistake of my life.

I've mentioned it before, but before I made this Tumblr account in June of this year and started writing Devils Roll The Dice (Angels Roll Their Eyes), I hadn’t written anything in 7 years. Why? Because I posted that one Larry fic on Tumblr and started taking requests to keep writing fics about a ship I didn't really ship for a fandom I wasn’t even a part of, all because I was so desperate to please and make people happy.

It got to a point where I had hundreds of requests in my inbox and no chance to fill them all, and people were anything but happy. If I didn't fill a request within a few days, I would get complaints and borderline abuse. Eventually, every time I got a new ask or a new message, my anxiety kicked up about ten notches to the point where I was feeling physically ill every time I opened my inbox. And it was so exhausting, draining and depressing that I abandoned that blog and writing in general, and it put me off writing for seven whole years.

I was young and a pathological people pleaser seven years ago, and I've thankfully grown up a lot and grown a solid backbone since then. But to see certain people trying to Larrify the Lestappen fandom? I have no idea what the Larry fandom is like now, but I remember very well what it was like back then, and I'd hate to see that happen to the Lestappen fandom, or any part of the F1 fandom in general. Because that was not the same type of kind, inclusive, and lovely fandom that the Lestappen fandom is to me now (at least the parts of it that I'm exposed to, as there are obviously always exceptions to the rule in every single fandom and ship).

I've been a member of the F1 fandom for almost 20 years now, and I'd absolutely hate to see it turn into something that will remind me of a fandom that drove me to the point of exhaustion seven years ago, and I wasn’t even actually in said fandom myself.

So to give you a very long answer to a simple question: No, I don’t agree with that comparison at all.

[elegyofthemoon]

im posting this before i forget and also sorta leave for the night cuz i gotta sleep a little early

• Posted stuff today ☺️

• I decided to do a bit of the writing tag game on my other account and it is WILD to see just how much i wrote the past few months??? im kinda proud tbh. I may be a little discouraged from posting these days but it's honestly really nice to see myself posting as much as I do - and esp to see how much ive written during all this time. this is aside from all the logs i do bc thatd just add further to my word count, but hdhfjdjd really despite the horrors, i'll always have writing. or well, writing's just been such a huge part of my life that if i cannot write then I'm not myself anymore. njdjrjd and my friend nick has mentioned this too that i dont seem like myself if i dont have a wip and all that jfjdndd

• i hate to say the rafayel birthday event made me embarrassingly happy but it really did 🙈

• speedwriting a fic. much shorter than something i wrote earlier but like !! idk i havent felt that surge of inspiration that was fun lmao wish that happened more often

• getting another message from a job i applied to that might be interested in hiring me. the positive is this ones a little more interesting than the one i did a recent interview with but same general position. still very 👀

• my friend finished london holiday and might start second key real soon and im so fucking sorry to him about the person i'l turn into when he starts liveblogging at me about it BUT ALSO im actually really happy and excited about it .3.

• OH FOUND OUT THAT MY SISTER WILL BE HOME EVEN FOR THE LITTLE BIT WHEN I GET BACK!! i thought i'd miss n entirely when she's back which made me sad but she'll be there for at least a day when she's back so !! i will beat my jet lag to hang out with her if i have to >:(

• n sending me something that reminded them of me was really sweet 🥹 it made me very happy tbh jfnfnddjj i was kinda shocked

•also saw new artist drawing characters from anti entropy that genuinely made me very happy 🥹🥹

• ngl thinking about tomorrow after the exam has me excited. i still have one more exam to go, but for once, i feel excited by the idea of saying goodbye. i dont really care anymore how i do for either exams, but it's one more step out of this life and one more step into the new one. i think thats exciting and im excited for it. i wish i could say the same about doing the practical exam but that one i just know ill go home dreading so ✌🏼 but tomorrow! lets have fun after the exam and visit the bakery ive been wanting to go to and finally get that silly plush ive been eyeing 🤧 let's give this life a nice farewell and send off before i go

[italoniponic]

Mc Hcs pt 5 sad edition

Mc when they were 12 years old were sent to a psychiatric hospital for half year due to the emergence of a second personality they said was called Dahlia(Mc as kid has been described as clumsy, honest, happy go lucky , loyal etc but Dahlia in the hospitals psych evaluation was said to be the embodiment of evil and beauty.they would eventually also know them as the noble flower of evil because when ever their around they can cause the worst in somebody to bloom and reveal the worst version of themselves )

Mc due to their fame as a 'small' time actor had their fair share of stalkers and one time nearly gkt kidnapped so they begged their dad Donald to let them practice martial arts which after the recent incident they did. Sometime later they were gettung stalked by a fanatic classmate who had been really creepy and one day took it too far with nc who lashed out and beat them within an inch if their lives, they were sent ti hospital dor two months and even thiygh they were left off the hook due to ir being self defense. They felt horrible afterwards because they beat a guy nearly to death without ever trying to get him to stop or to change and simply chose violence as their first option so after that they swore that unless there was no literally no other way they wouldn't use violence to end conflict.

Filowing the pevious HC. Mc stopped acting after that incident as to stop attracting stalkers and prevent anotger situation like that.

Mc when they were younger they struggled to fit in with people. This was because in their own words was that they always felt as if that place wasn't their real home.(even when they were un their own house they sometimes felt homesick)

Mc also used to get sick a lot when they were younger and it was said by doctors that it was odd since on their arm They did have a vaccine shot scar but they still got sick almost as if the vaccune they took was for some foreign illness.

Bonus headcanons(happy edition)

Mc and Peter always did stargazing together and when it was Mc birthday he woulf often joke about whisking them away to land where kids never grew up so he could always babysit Mc in future

Mc has on more than one occasions played the role of nobility in a play or movie they often took etiquette classes meant for nobility and due to this has some friends who are nobles.

Mc at the end of everyweek gives Lilia all the photos they took so Lilia can cherish the memorues he had at Nrc

Mc has been noted to be a treasure magnet and often finds hidden valuablss on the schook camous which they usually give to Sam.

Mc during the Port fest worked at a cafe called Dukes cafe to raise money so they could get their friends souvenirs and gifts

Mc when their not busy during clubs time often sings solos of songs from their old world(did Mc one time sing the Macarena yes do they regret the fact all of scarabia had to do a macarena dance practice for 3 hours no)

I hope you liked these new batch of Hcs as always feel free to ask questions regarding bg the Hcs and Cherry i also hope you got my Hcs home edition or if Tumblr ate my ask if they did i dont mind sending it again

Goodbye and have great day

Sorry for taking so long to reply! I got tangled in a lot of irl things and it took me some time to come back here again but once again, thanks for your additions for the MC hcs~ [these in special are continuations of the multiple MC's hcs from last time]

seems that we have sad and happy hcs this time! the thing with more angst/dramatic hcs is that I'm not so good at commenting on them as the few times I think about it so, unfortunately, I won't have much to add on the first part...

as for the more happier hcs tho~

so, interesting, MC is more of a Wendy (or one Lost Child) in this one. Another thing that I love about it, not only for my love for the Peter Pan story, is that I actually made an twst!Peter oc that is a teacher at RSA and these specific hcs always reminds me of him. I won't be able to show him yet since... well, my posting schedule is the amalgamation of chaos (especially with ocs). And the stargazing part is really beautiful

MC always has the connections since ever lol reminds me of that Barbie song "To Be a Princess" (from the og Princess & the Pauper)

aaaawwww~ I never stopped to think about how faes like Lilia or even Malleus feels about photos, in the same sense we view them. but it's an heartwarming (and lowkey sad for ch6 watchers) hc <3

MC works so hard at all times. now imagine after the event ends, MC kinda does the same thing as Jack (like he wanted to treat Ruggie to eat the special dish from this one restaurant he worked on) and they invite their friends to eat there too. and their boss is like "take a day rest and enjoy it with your friends" too~

THE MACARENA KILLED ME LMAO Kalim probably had the time of his life, he didn't feel any of the 3 hours. idk about Jamil bc he likes to dance (tho he has his issues with doing in front of other bc of the whole "not go into the spotlight", still he's getting more out there since ch4...) but maybe the same song after a lot of time might be a bit annoying for him? I'm not so sure for his part

and we ended this batch! I'm sorry again for not commenting much on the angst hcs, like it's just not something I'm familiar or comfortable enough to talk about, but your ideas are always interesting and creative, believe me!

thanks again <3

[musical-chick-13]

I know we’ve talked about it a little but I wanna be reminded/hear you talk more about it. Rebecca/Nate 😅

So, I'm gonna be honest, I am...not a fan of this one. I don't even think I'd say I dislike Nathaniel, exactly, but I definitely thought the other characters were more interesting than him.

Mainly, I think this particular romantic arc dragged out too long. I understand that this show exists to-among many other things-deconstruct a whole host of common rom-com tropes, and "douchey misogynistic guy becomes marginally better because of one (1) quirky woman" is indeed a common rom-com trope, but I don't think the show spent enough time on brutally deconstructing it. Like...with Josh, we spent two and a half seasons breaking that down and showing why all of the stories that follow similar beats to their relationship don't hold up. And although we got the Nathaniel's rom-com dream episode (which is one of my favorites), and Rebecca's obsession titles shifting to Nathaniel, and "Nothing Is Ever Anyone's Fault," and the episode where he reads her diary and she goes "wtf dude, get out," compared to the amount of time they spent specifically deconstructing her dynamic with Josh and all the things that entails...this just didn't seem like enough.

If we take Greg, he went away to work on himself, and it's clear that he's a much different person when he comes back. And, yes, Nathaniel did get a few moments of "Omg, I'm so nice now" with other characters going, "But are you really" but there was so much about him that I just feel never got fully addressed. What he did to Josh's family. Cheating on Mona for months. His casual misogyny. (I also can't ever remember him like actually apologizing?) We spent a lot of time talking about why Josh and Greg weren't good endgame matches for Rebecca, and although what we were given in canon was enough to convince me that Nathaniel wasn't either, the fact that we weren't given as much time as with the other two makes it seem like the narrative is favoring him in some way. (Most of the fandom certainly thinks he was the Best Choice, even if the point was supposed to be that none of them were.)

I just...to ME, their banter was less "banter" and more "every straight white man I ever worked for insulting a woman he hates being attracted to." His support of her seemed less "support" and more "I am making this woman who did not ask into my own personal manic pixie dream girl for the sake of resolving myself of the part I played in my own issues." His "getting better for love" was canonically until almost the absolute very end. SOLELY. rooted in getting Rebecca to want to date him again.

And if, say, Josh's girlfriend we see him with at the end of the show turned out to have bpd, I believe that Josh would do the work and ask his therapist about it to understand what that mental illness is. And that if he badly handled her having an episode, he would apologize. And I believe that if Jason came back and dated Rebecca, he would do the same regarding her bpd. I just don't think Nathaniel would ever do any of that. I can't see Rebecca telling him that she's in the middle of a spiral and him taking the time to listen to and talk her through her symptoms or make her soup. (Honestly, I can't even see him, like...not getting annoyed with her for singing off-key while practicing.) And that's a really important requirement to sell me on a ship involving a mentally ill character-especially one with a particularly stigmatized illness.

Rebecca/Nathaniel is just...a little too real in the ways in which it's uncomfortable or pRoBLeMaTiC. I've met men exactly like this. I've been a woman like Rebecca (though obviously minus the more extreme behavior like arson and everything she did regarding Josh). And that makes it really hard for me to have any kind of narrative investment in this relationship. I see this exact dynamic play out in every other movie and tv show, and I gotta be honest, it is boring, if not downright insufferable every time it happens. And I'm all for people in fiction making each other worse, but we need at least one mentally ill main character who gets better. And given that "mentally ill lady gets better" was ultimately the central concept of the show, pairing her with Nathaniel in any long-term way seems directly antithetical to the story this piece of media was trying to tell.

Send me a ship and I'll give you my brutally honest opinion on it.

[casliveblog]

Custom Toonami Block Week 134 Rundown

Spy X Family: Anya and Loid move Yor into the house and don’t notice anything weird about how she has a Dragon Maid level of speed and power in everything she does. It’s kinda funny how Anya is very much portrayed as of her age and isn’t more mature because of her powers but she still had enough mind about her to not accidentally blurt out anyone else’s secrets despite blurting similar things. Anyway the practice interview goes terrible so Loid tries to take them out to do rich people shit so they can say rich people things during the interview but between Anya being a five year old and having an anxiety attack whenever they’re around more than four people and Yor orgasming over anything sharper than a butter knife it’s kind of a rough day. Also they talk about backdating their marriage certificate but like Yor has friends at the tailor’s that know she definitely wasn’t married last week so it feels like this story would fall apart real easily if anyone went digging at all but I guess Yor being as socially awkward as she is at least minimalizes that chance. Anyway after some adorable shenanigans the group use their respective abilities to catch a purse snatcher while not letting the others know of their roles and Loid has an existential crisis about actually getting thanked for helping someone. The day’s experiences help them do marginally better on the interview questions despite Anya still saying she’s gonna murder people so yeah I guess we’re ready.

Inuyasha: So you remember that bit where Inuyasha’s training with the Tessaiga and Totosai gets him to do a lot of chores convincing him it’s training? That’s basically this plot stretched out into an entire episode. Apparently Kagura’s been running around killing monks so the Baby can try and peek at the spiritual border between worlds to get the last jewel shard and Mushin, Miroku’s stepdad thinks he’ll be next and so gets the group to do all his chores and shit thinking he’ll die while the rest of them think he’s deathly ill. It’s a complete waste of time but does kinda lead to some of the best comedy moments of the series with everyone using their powers to do housework and the scene of everyone getting drunk and doing Three Kagome Karaoke and Drunk Sango flirting with Inuyasha always kill me, plus in the end Miroku does seem genuinely happy to spend more time with his father figure reflecting on his own mortality so while it’s ridiculously pointless it’s about as fun as a ridiculously pointless episode can be.

Yu Yu Hakusho: The group re-assess their strategy and get ready to invade Sensui’s place and it’s kinda funny cause they go in with the main three with Seaman as a temporary replacement Kuwabara and they just get kicked back out cause Gamemaster’s like ‘nah bro bring seven’ so they have to go out like twenty minutes later and bring everyone but Botan back in and like there’s absolutely no narrative reason for this to happen it’s just kind of hilariously pedantic. But yeah apparently it’s an RPG-themed game that is oddly anachronistic and just throws a bunch of different game genres in there and it’s the game Yusuke was playing while Kuwabara was out being attacked by Seaman, feel like that would’ve been a neat time for the anime to show a bit more of the game to make the easter egg hit harder but idk. Turns out Yusuke’s a big fan but he kinda sucks and never beat it while Kuwabara, the other nerd guy and Genkai of all people have beaten it a few times. So they rig up their team and first to four wins is the winner and Seaman gets to do his Junior Darby brother fight in Tennis World while Gamemaster chides him for being a little traitor bitch but Seaman’s pretty cool here and manages to pull of a win and is like ‘man I can’t destroy the world because I’m unhappy I have to work on me’ which is pretty chill, really liked that.

Jujutsu Kaisen: It’s time for Nobara’s introduction episode and she’s… kinda hard to get a read on, like she’s an arrogant brat and ridiculously petty but also elegant and confident and seems to kinda switch on a dime so I guess she makes a good intermediary for Yuji and Megumi since she could be on the same page as either of them at any time though she seems closer to Yuji’s goofiness mostly. Gojo throws Yuji and Nobara into the generic ‘random test mook enemy for character development’ house like we got in last week’s Chainsaw Man and we get Nobara’s backstory and are also introduced to the idea that curse beasts like to fuck with humans and just do fucked up shit to force them into sadistic situations. Nobara controls nails and voodoo dolls and fucks up the mooks with an assist from Yuji while reflecting on her reasons for being there. Turns out she grew up in a small town and was sickened by the prejudice the countryfolk showed her big city friend and wanted to literally move away from that small-mindedness and do fun city shit in the process so it’s like a combination of Rika Furude’s Higurahi Gou motivation and Ochako’s initial motivation like half material half symbolic and it looks like a pretty neat dynamic amongst the three of them. Also there’s a glimpse at next week’s enemy where apparently it kills one of the three first years but given that all these guys are still in the opening and I’ve never heard of a Mami Tomoe-style twist for this series I’m thinking there’s probably more to it than that.

Chainsaw Man: Picking up right after we left off with Power drenching a quarter of the city in Devil blood her and Denji are really going at it and only calmed by mutual simping for Makima. They are literally fighting like cats and dogs since Denji has a dog heart and Power likes cats but when Power says he can get to second base for saving her cat he IMMEDIATELY is like ‘fuck man I love cats fuck all my homies that hate cats’ and the next day he signs Power out of the Devil Nursing Home or whatever and they go to find her cat. Turns out it’s a setup and Power made a deal with the Bat Devil who actually is holding her pet cat hostage since she pulled a Misty’s Bike with the cat and claimed she was fattening it up while murdering things a lot bigger and meatier than it to feed it. Power apparently doesn’t understand metaphor and doesn’t get Denji’s part Devil so when the Bat Devil squeezes him like a Capri-Sun to vampire his way back to health he nearly gets sick because yeah Denji just looks like he doesn’t taste good. I’m just kinda confused about the timeline here like Power went from a naked wilderness girl with a cat to… getting clothes, being admitted into Makima’s devil program, being marginally introduced to human culture and society just to get the Bat Devil one human? Like she couldn’t just bonk someone on the head and drag them there? Like I get Makima prolly found her pretty quick and being signed out by Denji is probably the first time she’s not being watched like a hawk since she was found but still that means the Bat Devil just sat and waited for however long all that shit took and actually kept her cat alive for it all when he had no way of knowing how long this would take? Anyway the Bat Devil eats the cat and Power and Denji is kinda running half and half on motivation to save Power because he genuinely empathizes with her and half because boobs, like I feel like Denji kind of has a problem identifying his emotions and just assumes he’s doing things for the most selfish reasons like I don’t want to assign overly noble goals to him because it’s clear he’s a subversion of your normal shonen goodboy but he feels like he’s lying to himself at least a little. Like during the fight with the Bat Devil he claims not to be trying to protect people but also tells every civilian he meets to run away so he’s not ambivalent he just seems to either be lying or at least not willing to let protecting people get in the way of winning and/or boobs. We’re still in that process of excavating Denji’s standards so he may also just not be able to process anything other than his current goal like he’s a video game character with one sidequest slot and it’s currently boobs. Anyway he disembowels the Bat Devil so Power’s prolly fine though who knows for the cat we’ll see, I know from the scene that became a meme a while ago that he does end up feeling her up so it prolly turns out alright.

Ranking of Kings: We started out with Hilling taking a lot of energy to heal Bojji after Daida fucked him up real bad last episode which shows Daida’s whole ‘Bojji will never hold a sword again’ thing was really premature. And after that we just skip to the old king dying like that happened really fast jesus fuck I thought we’d have some more waffling but nope going right for the throat I guess and it leaves the kingdom in the awkward position of deciding which of these twelve year olds is best to oversee their whole kingdom. Though given one of them is deaf, mute and hits like a wet noodle, the peeps kinda have a prejudice towards their other generic teenager. See when the king died and a demon popped out of him and pointed to the kid that’s supposed to be the next king and laughed that was the perfect excuse to go ‘uhhh well maybe we don’t go with him’ so Daida gets to be king and wastes absolutely no time getting down to evil shit and demanding the two guys that voted for Bojji to be king be murdered because he’s a teenager and will do whatever enchanted mirrors tell him to. You see this is why in real life we had King Regents do the king shit until baby kings were old enough to have their balls drop. Meanwhile Kage’s taken away and having an assumed assassin say he’s going to ‘help’ the guy that just got jipped out of being king prolly isn’t a good look so snake assassin dude sends him off on a journey to… do some random shit idk. Bojji even asks the assassin dude’s best friend the two headed hydra snake and hydra snake’s like ‘bro you’re adorable and I love you but I can’t help other than saying he’s gone on a quest and lots of peeps like you’. So with all this on his mind Bojji decides he wants to go on a journey too in order to prove he can do shit without causing embarrassment on a national scale. Hilling is having none of this and forbids it until they both remember what it was like when it was just her and Bojji and even though she’s a stepmom she does love him like a son in her own way and even helped heal the baby hydra snake when it was a baby and it’s really sweet. So Bojji gets to go to visit Hilling’s parents on what’s a glorified red riding hood quest with his sword tutor and the one guy in the whole kingdom that wanted to go and knows sign language so epic quest ahoy!

Vinland Saga: So Floki and Askeladd’s negotiations to kill Thors kinda fall through and Askeladd’s men kill Floki’s hidden assassin so he’s kinda stuck paying double. Askeladd brings up a lot of the questions I had last episode and hypothesizes that Floki wants to kill Thors for personal reasons but wants someone else to do it both so he can keep his hands clean and in case Thors fucks up his entire crew. The day to go to war finally comes and everyone wants Ylva which is understandable because she’s hot as fuck but Leif lets all the homegirls know they’ll be ditching off all the warhungry young boys with Leif’s ship when they get to Norway so Thors is going to war alone so the young men can live. So they set out and turns out Thorfinn is pulling his best Monkey D. Luffy impression and pops out of a barrel which I imagine is gonna be hell on his mom and sister who just have no idea where he is for however long this backstory-generating death journey takes. Thors tells the dude that has the hots for his daughter that having children is what made him not want to fight anymore or at least it was the start of a longer change of character since he was still generic muscle man at that point. The group gets to the Viking equivalent of a truck stop and immediately get ambushed by Askeladd’s group dumping enough wreckage on them to create a miniature dam which feels like it shouldn’t work that smoothly but I’m not a marine physicist. Thors is ready to pacifist run through everyone and punches them without killing but Askeladd obviously has some weird power people on his crew and like a dozen archers above them so this is gonna be trouble.

[troglobite]

lasdfjlaksdfj

occasionally something will remind me of the Bloodlust that lurks beneath by weak pathetic surface

this cr/ator cl/sh 2 thing i suddenly cared abt bc i knew a few ppl in it and parts of it kinda kicked ass

now here i am

having spent a few days just like

"...what would it take for me to train to that level and be able to fight like that. what would it take."

my conclusion:

at least a year and a half with a physical therapist, a dr, and then ALSO a trainer--and likely a nutritionist who specializes in The Things That Are Wrong With Me in a NON-FATPHOBIC WAY

and i would have to have some kind of securing around my ribs and EVERY SINGLE JOINT taped up to protect against subluxes.

bc i gotta be honest, i miss being A Threat.

i was never in shape able to actually beat someone up

but i could throw a fucking punch correctly and with power.

i did cardio kickboxing and i could go an hour and be MORE energized. I MISS IT.

various things i would LOVE to do:

be a group exercise instructor

be a burlesque performer

play rugby

learn actual kickboxing or tae kwon do

things that i really shouldn't do, considering the hEDS:

everything i just listed above. except maybe the first two i could find some wiggle room.

but for real i just.

my therapist uncovered that i LOVE performance and all things associated. it makes me feel ALIVE.

the thing that i have uncovered is this:

i am a generally angry person. i get angry for ppl. for myself. i get annoyed at things. i complain a lot.

and i think it's bc.

i have a bloodlust, but i'm genuinely very kind and afraid of hurting ppl, so i need permission, consent, and guidelines/rules so that it's all above board.

but the problem is.

i have been so severely fucking nerfed

that my body is incapable of releasing that BLOODLUST.

i'm literally like if you took godzilla and shrunk it into a 20-year-old chihuahua.

I MUST DESTROY

but i am tiny bork and it's croaky bc i'm old and wobbly :(

and my mom suggested i should do violent video games and i was like NO. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. i need the physical sensation and ADRENALINE AND MUSCLE PUMPING POWER of doing something IN REAL LIFE. video games take away ALL of the pleasure and physical fulfillment and leave ONLY the SCARY ADRENALINE AND STRESS. they do not help!!! I MUST CRUSH!

plus! the whole performance thing i think is part of it! i don't wanna play a game by myself! i want someone or something in the world to be MATERIALLY AFFECTED BY MY ACTIONS. IN A COOL WAY. VIOLENCE!!!!!

it's absolutely bullshit and i feel like i live every day of my life wanting to do incredible ridiculous feats of physical prowess

i want to see how hard i can punch someone

i want to see how hard i can KICK someone

i wanna see how hard i can stand GETTING hit (with practice and skill)

how hard can i fall and still get back up to kick someone's ass?

i want to know what that feels like

but i am nearing 30 and freshly chronically ill and disabled, so it's basically. not in the cards.

and i am.

kind of really sad abt that.

it's frustrating bc like--

i mean i did gymnastics for a while as a kid.

the problem is that my inner ear/vestibular sense is VERY easily fucked up. i cannot do things where my body has to do flips.

but kicking and punching and dodging? even tackling? oh baby THAT i can do.

as long as my head stays oriented in the Normal Upright Position for the majority of the Situation, and i don't have to spin around 100 times in a row (i love you figure skating, but i would literally explode), i'm golden.

and so i stare wistfully from my bed

the same bed where

after laying on my side for abt an hour

i stood up and immediately subluxed a rip and cramped a muscle

that two weeks later is still not quite back to normal

and i just think abt how incredible it would feel to be a short fat half mexican genderqueer lesbian

and just.

kick some motherfuckers' asses

my god i wish. i WANT.

I WANT DESPERATELY.

i am LITERALLY the meme "i crave violence, mother"

I DO.

I CRAVE IT.

AND I TALKED TO MY MOM ABT IT TONIGHT!!!

someone pls help me i want to commit legal and consensual acts of aggression and violence but my body is falling apart please help me solve the issue

206 bones that don't like staying in place

100% fucked up collagen that doesn't wanna grow or work right

1 immune system that says AHHHHHHHHHH 24/7

1 billion(? unclear) mast cells that also go AHHHHHHHHH 24/7

100% muscles that want to commit acts of violence

can someone who is an expert please tell me where i went wrong i would like to punch someone

also to wrap this up i'm going to emphasize something that may have gotten buried:

i crave physical aggression and manual labor and violence

but only within: set boundaries, in situations where we're actually all safe, and we've all consented and given permission to go nuts, but within the given guidelines and expectations, and nothing more.

i mean even the simplest thing

i think it would be really fun to be a landscaper

HOWEVER

allergies and mcas

phobias

hEDS

autism and sensory processing disorder (bad textures and sounds)

PLEASE LET ME HAVE FUN!!!

NOWADAYS THE MOST ENJOYMENT I GET IS LIFTING HEAVY PACKAGES OR THE FULL BOTTLE OF LAUNDRY DETERGENT!!!!

SOMEONE LET ME FIGHT!!!!!!!

[rifleonthewall]

happy valentines day ❤️

i’ll start by saying that 1) i know leon is a fictional character and not a real person and 2) that im not very good at words or making sappy things like this but ill try my best. this is also under a read more because its like, a lot of nonsense.

Valentines Day marks the day i first beat re2 remake back in 2019, and when i first officially fell in love with Leon. at that time i was heavily interested in other things and i was new to selfship as a whole, so he, along with resident evil, took a backseat. so much so that at one point i even considered dropping him from my f/o list in late 2019. But i couldn’t bring myself to.

and then 2020 hit, and while i was starting to get more interested in resident evil as a franchise, creating an entire fandom blog around RE and Leon, but i still considered him a lesser f/o to the ones i was more focused on at the time, he lingered in the background but i still felt such a strong comfort and connection to him. especially because i was headcanoning him as trans, much like myself. That alone brought me more comfort than hcing any other character as trans, it felt so real and true to me.

fast forward to mid 2021 where DBD, the game i had clocked around 1k hours in at this point announces that their newest chapter is Resident Evil, specifically Leon and Jill, at this point my attraction to him had come and gone in waves, some lasting hours, days, even weeks. But when this chapter got announced I think this is what really solidified him as my “soulmate” f/o. He practically took over all my thoughts, and i began to realize how much of comfort he brought me throughout the years and throughout some of the hardest parts of the last few years, he was always there like a safety net, someone i could fall into and he’d be there to catch me time and time again.

And now nearly a year and a half since that point Leon has become the most important fictional character to me. He makes my heart feel so whole. Resident Evil as well as become such a comfort media, i care about every aspect of these game but most importantly i care so deeply about Leon. Everyday i genuinely go through every emotion under the sun when i see him, regardless if i’ve seen the photo before or not.

And i know it isn't Great Coping but, the past few months to a year have been hard alright? i’ve genuinely used him as a coping mechanism and some days, one of the few reason i’m strong enough to hold on. I thank Leon for all hes done for me and for being one of the reasons i can wake up everyday. (this is not inclusive of the very real people and friends and partner i have that keep me going everyday, but for the sake of this post)

I struggle so hard to put thoughts onto a page because he genuinely means so much to me, and when i think about that i get embarrassed, and i worry others will make fun of me for how i feel about him. But i assure you my selfship with him has been the Most thought out selfship i’ve ever created. even if it only exists in my head. Beckett is my most planned self insert, down to how he’d fit into each game in a way that never felt Too self inserty. he started as an OC after all.

I love you so much Leon, happy 4th anniversary. Thank you for everything. I hope to celebrate many more years with you as an f/o, but even if that doesn’t happen, i cherish everything you’ve done for me.

- nick/seylan/beckett (whichever you want to apply to this)

[bourgeoning]

SHUT THE DOOR , TAKE A SEAT : THE INTERROGATION OF ISRA KARIMI .

even  though  isra  hears  about  the  interviews  in  progress  ,  when  she's  approached  by  a  mughal  guard  requesting  her  presence  ,  they're  met  with  wide  ,  uncertain  eyes  ,  and  equally  uncertain  steps  .  of course they would question her too . but  it's  all  an  act  ,  emulating  the  nervousness  of  someone  who  has  never  been  in  a  situation  like  this  —  even  if  she's  been  interrogated  before  .  a  practiced  ,  nervous  tension  she  carries  as  she  takes  a  seat  ,  fidgeting  and  looking  around  the  room  . @theopulenthq

hello  ,  can  you  please  tell  me  your  name  ,  country  ,  &  what  role  you  provide  your  court  ?

she's  fiddling  with  a  wooden  bracelet  when  the  question  is  posed  ,  sitting  up  with  a  start  when  she  realizes  the  interrogation  has  begun  .  "  ah  ,  um  …  sorry  .  isra  karimi  ,  apothecary  .  "  she  observes  the  man  across  from  her  for  a  beat  .  her  interviewer  too  ,  seems  ill  at  ease  .  perhaps  she  can  pry  some  information  out  by  appearing  relatable  .  "  i've  traveled  all  over  ,  but  i  have  been  with  the  ethiopian  royal  family  the  last  few  years  .  to  learn  more  about  medicine  ,  and  hone  my  craft  .  "

and  who  do  you  believe  to  be  your  closest  allies  ,  either  nations  or  individuals  ?  do  you  trust  your  allies  ?

"  when  someone  travels  around  the  world  as  i  have  ,  you  make  friends  along  the  way  .  there  are  …  so  many  i  could  name  .  i  wouldn't  want  to  insult  anyone  by  not  including  them  .  "  she  reasons  with  a  small  shrug  .  hana  ,  emine  ,  her  apprentice  ,  even  newer  friends  she's  met  while  staying  at  lal  qila  .  "  i've  also  found  camaraderie  in  the  ethiopian  court  ,  unlike  anything  i've  ever  experienced  .  "  aside  from  kamal  and  kalyani  .  but  they're  meant  to  be  virtual  strangers  ,  at  least  for  now  .

ah  ,  yes  ,  i  see  …  how  about  your  enemies  ,  then  .  who  do  you  not  align  yourself  with  ,  and  why  ?

"  the  solomans  have  been  nothing  but  kind  to  me  .  in  return  ,  their  enemies  have  become  mine  .  "

interesting  .  do  you  have  a  personal  vendetta  against  any  of  the  courts  ,  or  even  individuals  ,  here  ?

"  '  vendetta  ?  '  as  in  …  a  feud  ?  "  she  asks  carefully  .  is  she  playing  too  far  into  ignorance  ?  hopefully  not  .  "  …  no  .  i  don't  hold  grudges  .  "  that  would  require  a  strong  emotional  attachment  .  that  ,  or  becoming  a  hindrance  to  isra  in  one  way  or  another  .  in  which  case  ,  she  has  no  qualms  with  eliminating  them  .

what  are  your  thoughts  on  the  mysterious  deaths  in  so  many  royal  families  ?

she  swallows  thickly  ,  blinking  rapidly  before  offering  her  answer  .  "  death  is  …  a  part  of  life  .  inevitable  .  "  a  reality  in  her  life  —  both  the  real  one  and  the  one  she  claims  to  have  .  her  eyebrows  knit  together  .  "  that  doesn't  make  it  any  less  difficult  to  process  .  "

how  do  you  feel  about  the  system  of  monarchy  as  a  whole  ?

"  wh  …  what  ?  "  there's  a  strain  to  her  voice  ,  like  she's  just  been  holding  back  tears  (  another  act  )  .  she  clears  her  throat  .  "  …  what  does  that  have  to  do  with  anything  ?  "

so  ,  what  would  be  your  best  theory  as  to  what  is  going  on  ,  then  ?

"  i  …  i  don't  know  .  "  she  has  her  theories  —  but  as  a  field  agent  ,  not  an  apothecary  .  nothing  she  can  ,  or  would  ,  share  with anyone but the egyptian envoy .

thank  you  for  your  time  .  is  there  anything  else  you'd  like  to  add  ,  anything  else  that  would  be  useful  to  the  investigation  ?

she  nods  ,  taking  her  leave  .  half-way  to  the  door  ,  however  ,  she  turns  .  "  you  ,  ah  …  might  want  to  have  some  tea  ,  if  you  can  .  before  your  next  interview  .  "  she  says  to  her  questioner  .  "  might  help  with  the  nerves  .  "  she  flashes  a  small  smile  before  leaving  the  room  .