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connorsui · 21 days

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The Faint Glimmers of Yesterday

Dabi x reader (main), Shoto x reader (platonic relationship)

genre/ warnings: Angst, straight up depression, Imprisonment, rough kiss, small moments of fluff in between (ur memories are making u cry harder synopsis : After the war, Touya, is captured by the government and faces trial for his crimes. His girlfriend who has stood by him through everything, is left to grapple with the reality of his conviction. As she fights through the cruel media, the judgment of the world, and her own broken heart, she clings to the memories of their time together, Note: I wanted convicted dabi …i blame pinterest for this …mommaaaaa im in loveeeeee with a criminaaaalllllllll

VIP: @greenmanshoe

w.c: 5.4K

The room was dimly lit, the only light coming from the streetlamp outside the window that cast long shadows across the bed. You lay beside him, your head resting on his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. It was a comforting sound, strong and reassuring, each beat a promise that he was still here with you, if only for a little while longer. His chest rose and fell in a slow, rhythmic cadence, grounding you in the present moment as you tried to savor every second.

His voice, when he spoke, was low and gravelly, like the distant roll of thunder. It resonated through you, wrapping around you like a protective embrace, carrying a depth of emotion that he rarely allowed himself to show. The scent of him was intoxicating—a mix of smoky wood, like charred cedar, and the sharp tang of his cologne, with an underlying warmth that was distinctly him. It was a scent that clung to the air around you, a constant reminder of his presence, even when he wasn’t there.

Touya’s arm was draped lazily over your shoulders, his fingers idly tracing circles on your bare skin. The silence between you was heavy, filled with the unspoken tension of what was to come. You knew where he was going, what he was planning to do, and the thought of it made your heart ache.

“Do you really have to go?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper, afraid that speaking any louder would shatter the fragile peace you’d found in this moment. You wanted to hold onto it, to hold onto him, for as long as you could.

Touya didn’t answer right away. Instead, he tilted his head slightly, gazing down at you with those intense, piercing blue eyes that had first drawn you to him. He was beautiful in a way that was almost dangerous, all sharp edges and raw power, but to you, he was everything.

“You know I will…even if ill rather be here,” he finally replied, his voice low and rough, like gravel beneath your fingertips.

“But you don’t have to,” you insisted, your fingers clutching at his shirt, trying to keep him close. “You know that, right? We can—”

He cut you off, pulling you tighter against his chest, his hand moving to cradle the back of your head. His lips pressed to your forehead, then your cheeks, each kiss soft and lingering, as if he was trying to memorize the feel of you.

“Baby… baby, listen to me,” he murmured, his breath warm against your skin. “Even if I had gone with you to the heavens above, I would have still found a way to rain hell upon that man.” There was a dark, fierce determination in his voice, one that sent a shiver down your spine.

“I Just- …you know how I feel about all of this …its difficult to come to terms with it”

“I know…and I’m sorry”

You closed your eyes, trying to savor the feel of him, the sound of his voice, the way his body felt against yours. You wanted to remember everything—his laugh, his smile, the way his hair felt when you ran your fingers through it. The memory of helping him dye his hair black flashed through your mind, and a bittersweet smile tugged at your lips.

You could still remember the way he’d sat on the floor, legs stretched out, while you carefully applied the dye, trying to get every strand just right.

“Careful, babe,” he’d teased, his voice lighter than usual, a rare playful note threading through it. “Don’t want to end up with half my hair still white. Unless that’s your way of saying you like me better that way?”

You’d laughed, shaking your head as you tried to concentrate. “No way. You’d look like a half-done project. We’re going all in, Touya, no shortcuts.”

He’d smirked at that, leaning back a little, his blue eyes twinkling with mischief. “All in, huh? I like the sound of that. But you sure you’re not just looking for an excuse to touch me?”

You’d felt your face heat up at his teasing, and before you could respond, he’d leaned forward, closing the distance between you, his lips hovering just above yours. “Come on, don’t leave me hanging,” he’d murmured, his breath warm against your lips. “A kiss for your man?”

You’d giggled, trying to focus on the task at hand, but he was too close, too tempting. The dye on your fingers was forgotten as you leaned in, brushing your lips against his in a soft, lingering kiss. He’d tasted like mint and something darker, something that was purely him, and you’d melted into him, laughing against his mouth as he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into his lap.

“I think you’re more dye than human now,” you’d teased, pulling back slightly to see the smudges of black dye on his face and hands.

He’d chuckled, a sound that was rare but so precious to you, and he’d wiped a smudge off your cheek with his thumb. “Well, if that’s the price I have to pay to get you this close, I’ll take it.”

The two of you had spent the rest of the evening in fits of laughter, trying to clean up the mess you’d made, but neither of you really cared. It was one of those moments where the world outside didn’t matter, where it was just you and him, caught up in each other, in the simplicity of being together.

As you lay on his chest, savoring every second of the fleeting peace, you felt the steady rhythm of his heartbeat beneath your cheek. The warmth of his body, the scent of his cologne, the low rumble of his voice—it was all so familiar, so comforting, and yet there was an undercurrent of sadness in every beat, every breath. The reality of what was to come weighed heavily on both of you, a silent tension that neither of you wanted to acknowledge. But the future was inevitable, looming over you like a dark cloud, threatening to tear apart the fragile moment of tranquility you’d created together.

You closed your eyes, letting the memory of your time with him wash over you, holding onto the feeling of his arms wrapped around you, the softness of his lips against your forehead. You wanted to believe that this moment could last forever, that you could somehow hold onto him and keep him safe, but deep down, you knew that was just a dream—a dream that was slipping through your fingers like sand.

As sleep began to take you, your breathing slowed to match his, the rise and fall of your chest syncing with the steady rhythm of his. The world around you started to fade, the edges of your consciousness blurring until there was nothing left but the sound of his heartbeat, growing fainter with each passing second.

And then, just like that, the warmth was gone. The scent of him, the comforting sound of his heartbeat, the soft feel of his skin against yours—all of it vanished, leaving behind a cold, empty void.

Touya blinked, disoriented, as the familiar warmth of the bed was replaced by the harsh, unyielding concrete of a holding cell. The dim light of the streetlamp outside your window was gone, replaced by the cold, fluorescent glare of a single overhead light. The comforting scent of his cologne was replaced by the acrid smell of cigarette smoke and the musty air of confinement.

Touya sat alone in the cell, his back against the wall, the orange jumpsuit stark against his pale and damaged skin. His head was bowed, small strands of black hair to his white falling into his eyes as he took a long drag from the cigarette between his fingers. The smoke curled lazily around him, the faint glow of the cigarette the only warmth in the room.

But even in this cold, lonely place, the memory of you lingered, a small, precious light in the darkness. As he exhaled, the smoke seemed to carry your scent with it, mingling with the stale air of the cell and bringing with it a wave of bittersweet memories. Your laughter, your smile, the way your eyes sparkled when you teased him—all of it flooded his mind, momentarily pushing away the cold reality of where he was.

He tilted his head back, resting it against the wall as he closed his eyes, letting the memories of you take over. The feel of your fingers in his hair, the sound of your voice as you called his name, the way you’d looked at him with those soft, understanding eyes—it all played out in his mind like a movie, a vivid reminder of what he was fighting for, of why he had to keep going, even when everything else seemed hopeless.

But as much as he wanted to hold onto those memories, the cold reality of his situation refused to be ignored. The cuffs around his wrists dug into his skin, the rough fabric of the jumpsuit chafing against his bruised body. The cigarette burned down to the filter, the last ember glowing faintly before it, too, was extinguished, leaving nothing but a bitter taste in his mouth.

Touya opened his eyes, the weight of his thoughts settling heavily on his shoulders. The oppressive silence of the cell was a stark contrast to the warmth and comfort of the memories that had filled his mind moments before. The harsh fluorescent light above seemed to mock him, a reminder of the distance between the past and his present confinement.

He shifted uncomfortably, the heavy cuffs around his wrists clicking faintly as he adjusted his position. The cold concrete pressed against his back, and the musty air was thick with the lingering scent of cigarettes and old sweat. Each breath he took was a reminder of how far he was from the moments of tenderness and intimacy that had just been vivid in his thoughts.

Touya’s mind drifted back to the way your eyes had softened when you looked at him, the warmth of your laughter that had seemed to fill the room. He could almost feel the softness of your touch, the way your fingers had intertwined with his, and the way your presence had made everything feel just a little bit brighter.

But that brightness was now overshadowed by the grim reality of his situation. He longed to escape the confines of the cell, to feel the warmth of your embrace again, to hear your laughter and feel the gentle pressure of your lips against his. The stark contrast between the memory and the reality was almost unbearable, making the pain of separation feel even sharper.

He took another drag from the cigarette, the smoke swirling around him, mixing with the bitter taste of his own despair. The cigarette burned down to its final embers, and he flicked it away, the small glow disappearing into the darkness of the cell. The emptiness left in its wake seemed to mirror the void he felt inside, a gaping chasm where your presence used to be.

As the distant clamor of footsteps and voices echoed through the corridors, Touya’s mind was pulled back once again to the present. The sound seemed to serve as a cruel reminder of the separation between him and the person who had become his lifeline. The heavy cuffs around his wrists and the rough fabric of the orange jumpsuit were harsh reminders of the distance between the warmth of his memories and his current confinement.

He knew that the days ahead would be tough, that the reality of his situation would not change anytime soon. But in his heart, he carried the memory of you with him, a precious treasure that he clung to in the face of adversity. And though the cell was a harsh and unforgiving place, the thought of seeing you again, of holding you close and feeling your warmth, was a beacon of hope that guided him through the darkness.

Meanwhile, in the car parked just outside the courthouse, you were enveloped in an atmosphere of tense anticipation. The memory of Dabi's warmth clung to you, a bittersweet comfort in the face of the looming confrontation. Shoto's presence beside you was a grounding force, his quiet strength a stark contrast to the chaos that awaited you outside.

The sound of reporters' voices grew louder, mingling with the rhythm of your anxious heartbeat. As you sat there, holding onto the memories of Dabi's embrace, the car's interior seemed to offer a fleeting sanctuary from the storm outside. But the reality of the situation was about to break through the bubble of tranquility you had tried to maintain.

Shoto turned to you, his expression softening with concern. “We don’t have to go in,” he said quietly, his voice gentle yet resolute. “You can stay here. It’s not too late to turn back.”

You shook your head, your voice trembling with determination. “I have to go. I’ve stood by him through everything. Leaving now… it would be like abandoning him when he needs me the most.”

Shoto’s gaze softened, and he nodded in understanding. “I’ll be with you every step of the way. You’re not alone in this.”

With a final, deep breath, you prepared to step out of the car. The echo of your own heartbeat seemed to match the pounding of Dabi's heartbeat you remembered from your last moment together. Shoto’s supportive grip on your hand anchored you, offering a semblance of stability as you faced the reality of the courthouse steps.

You opened the car door, and the swarm of reporters and the harsh reality of what was to come loomed ahead. Their cameras flashed like vultures, and their questions cut through the air with relentless sharpness.

“Is it true you’re in a relationship with Todoroki Touya?” “How does it feel to be in love with a villain?” “Do you think he deserves to go to prison for life?” — “Do you feel any kind of guilt for the people he murdered?”

You could feel their eyes on you, judging, condemning, trying to tear you down. It took everything in you not to crumble under the weight of their scrutiny. But before you could respond, Shoto was there, pushing them back with a fierce protectiveness that contrasted with his usual calm demeanor.

“Step back,” he ordered, his voice cold and commanding. “Give her some space.”

He placed a reassuring hand on your back, guiding you through the throng of reporters, shielding you from their relentless onslaught as best as he could. Each step you took toward the courthouse felt like a battle against the rising tide of anxiety and doubt, but Shoto’s presence was a constant, calming force.

Inside the courthouse, the atmosphere shifted to a sterile, oppressive silence. The white walls and harsh lighting felt like a stark contrast to the warmth of the memories you held dear. Shoto guided you to your seat, his hand lingering on your back for a moment longer, a silent promise of unwavering support.

You took a deep breath, trying to steady your nerves as you focused on the front of the room. The judge entered, and the proceedings began, each word echoing through the courtroom like a relentless hammer.

The doors at the far end of the courtroom creaked open, and your heart skipped a beat as Touya was led in, shackled and clad in the orange jumpsuit that marked his new reality. His gaze met yours briefly, a fleeting moment of connection that spoke volumes despite the distance.

In that moment, amidst the harsh, unfeeling gaze of the courtroom and the cacophony of legal proceedings, you knew that your love for Touya was unwavering. No matter how harsh the world was or how dark the days became, you would face it all with him, holding onto the memory of the warmth and affection you had shared. And though the future was uncertain and fraught with challenges, your commitment to him remained steadfast, a beacon of hope amidst the shadows.

The courtroom was an unforgiving place, a stark expanse of white walls and cold, clinical decor that seemed to sap the warmth from the room. The air was thick with an almost palpable tension, a pressure that made it difficult to breathe, let alone think. Each tick of the clock on the wall seemed to stretch into eternity, magnifying the anxiety that churned in your chest. You sat in the front row, your gaze fixed on the front of the room, trying to steel yourself for the inevitable. The hardwood benches felt uncomfortably hard beneath you, a physical reminder of the harsh reality you were about to face.

The room's cold precision only served to highlight the gravity of the moment. The judge’s robe rustled as they took their seat, and the rhythmic ticking of the clock on the wall seemed to stretch each second into an eternity. Every detail of the room—the sterile whiteness of the walls, the clinical brightness of the overhead lights, and the stern faces of the people around you—was etched into your mind, magnifying your anxiety. You could hear the distant murmur of conversations, the shuffling of feet, and the occasional clink of metal as the guards adjusted Touya’s restraints. The growing dread in your stomach coiled tighter with each passing second, making it hard to focus on anything but the impending moment of devastation.

When the judge’s voice cut through the room with chilling authority, announcing the sentence of “Life in maximum security,” it felt as if the very ground beneath you had shattered. The finality of the words hit you with brutal force, an unyielding grip of despair that seemed to squeeze the air from your lungs. The courtroom fell into a heavy silence, the verdict hanging in the air like a dark cloud. Dabi’s shoulders sagged under the weight of his sentence, his usually defiant posture giving way to a crushing resignation that you could see from where you sat. His face, once a mask of fierce rebellion, now reflected a profound anguish that mirrored your own.

The guards began to move, preparing to escort him out of the room with mechanical efficiency. Time itself seemed to slow, each tick of the clock stretching into an eternity as the shackles clinked in a cruel metronome, marking the end of your last moments together. The metallic sound echoed through the courtroom, mingling with the murmurs of the crowd and the relentless clicking of cameras. The cold, unfeeling reality of the situation pressed in on you, each second a reminder of the brutal separation that was about to occur.

Driven by an overpowering need to be close to him, you stood up, your legs feeling like lead as you moved forward. The courtroom seemed to blur around you, the faces of the onlookers and the flashes of cameras fading into insignificance. The guards hesitated as you approached, their stern faces softened by a flicker of uncertainty. Touya’s gaze, however, never wavered from yours. There was an unspoken plea in his eyes, a desperate hope that you could somehow alter this cruel fate.

When you finally reached him, Touya’s cuffed hands reached out, trembling slightly as they grasped your waist. The cold metal of the cuffs pressed harshly against your back, a stark reminder of the reality that separated you. He pulled you close, his breath mingling with yours as his lips captured yours in a kiss that was both urgent and desperate. The kiss was a frantic outpouring of all the words and emotions he could no longer express, a silent scream against the cruel fate that had befallen him.

The world around you—the whispers of the courtroom, the flash of cameras, the distant murmur of voices—faded into insignificance. All that mattered was the intense connection between you, the desperate way his lips moved against yours, and the raw need to hold onto this fleeting moment of intimacy. His kiss was a tumultuous mix of longing and regret, his rough lips pressing against yours with a force that was almost bruising. The taste of him—smoke, fire, and something distinctly Dabi—flooded your senses, making your head spin.

You could feel the cold metal of his cuffs digging into your skin, a painful reminder of the distance that now lay between you. His hands trembled as they gripped the sides of your face, the clinking of the cuffs a soft, sorrowful counterpoint to the fevered intensity of the kiss. He pulled you closer, as if he could lose himself in you, merge with you, and escape the harsh reality that had torn you apart. His tongue tangled with yours in a desperate dance, each movement a blend of hunger and heartbreak.

As the guards began to pull him away, Touya’s grip tightened with a fierce, almost desperate intensity. His eyes locked onto yours, burning with a raw, unfiltered emotion that made your heart ache. The distance between you grew, each step he took toward the exit a knife twisting in your heart.

“You deserve better, you know that right?” he whispered against your lips, his voice cracking with the weight of his despair. His words were almost inaudible, but you could hear the deep sorrow and regret in his tone, a desperate cry for help that you could do nothing to answer.

“I love you!” you shouted, your voice breaking as you tried to cling to the last remnants of this moment. The words were a lifeline, a final declaration of the love you both shared. The look of agony on his face as he was torn away from you was almost more than you could bear, the sadness etched into every feature a mirror of your own.

Touya looked back at you, his gaze a mixture of fierce love and unbearable sadness. “I love you too,” he rasped, his voice rough and laden with emotion.

As the guards dragged him away, his gaze remained fixed on you, a burning intensity in his eyes that spoke of the depth of his feelings. The last thing you saw before the doors closed was the look in his eyes—raw, unfiltered emotion that mirrored your own. The courtroom’s harsh reality settled around you, but all you could focus on was the echo of his voice and the fading warmth of his kiss. You stood there, your lips still tingling from the intensity of his kiss, your heart aching with the depth of your loss.

As the crowd slowly dissipated and the room began to empty, you remained rooted to the spot, tears streaming down your face. The overwhelming silence of the courtroom was a cruel echo of the love you had just lost, a constant reminder of the emptiness left by his absence. Each step you took toward the exit felt like a mile, each breath you took a struggle against the crushing weight of your grief. The world outside seemed distant and surreal, a stark contrast to the emotional storm that raged within you.

Shoto was at your side in an instant, his hand firmly resting on your shoulder as he gently guided you away from the courtroom. The corridor outside was a chaotic swirl of reporters, their questions and flashes of cameras relentless in their pursuit. The cacophony of voices seemed distant, almost surreal, as if you were submerged in a sea of white noise. Your mind was numb, trapped in the echo of Dabi’s final moments, and the world beyond that room felt hollow and unrecognizable.

“Miss, how do you feel about Todoroki Touya’s sentence?”

“Why do you keep avoiding us? — are you standing beside him?”

“Was your relationship with Todoroki Touya really as deep as they say?”

Each question pierced through you like an arrow, the sharp barbs of their curiosity aggravating the raw wound in your heart. The name Todoroki Touya, the name you had clung to in the silence of your love, now felt like a dagger twisting in your chest.

Shoto moved with a protective fierceness, his usually composed demeanor cracking under the strain of the moment. “Back off!” he shouted, his voice cracking with the force of his command. “All of you back off!”

Despite his efforts, the throng of reporters pressed in, their intrusive questions a relentless assault on your already fragile state. The weight of their scrutiny felt suffocating, each question a fresh cut to the wound left by Touya’s departure. Tears welled up in your eyes, blurring your vision and making it hard to breathe through the rising tide of panic and despair.

Shoto’s concern was immediate and palpable. His arm wrapped around your shoulders, guiding you swiftly toward the waiting car. “Come on, let’s get out of here,” he said softly, his voice steady but laced with a deep concern that mirrored the ache in your own heart.

The moment the car door closed behind you, you collapsed into the seat, your chest heaving with the effort to keep your sobs contained. Shoto settled beside you, his hand gently rubbing soothing circles on your back as you succumbed to the overwhelming grief. His touch was a small comfort amid the sea of anguish that threatened to drown you.

“I can’t live without him,” you choked out between sobs, your hands trembling as you pressed them to your chest. “He was everything to me, Shoto… I don’t know how to keep going without him.”

Shoto’s grip tightened, his own heart breaking at the sight of your pain. “I know… I know it hurts,” he murmured, his voice a gentle anchor in the storm of your emotions. “No matter what happens from here on out I would be beside you— I would do whatever it takes to get the both of you together for as long as possible…you just have to bear with this for now”

The drive home was a blur of muted colors and blurred lights, the world outside the window merging into a haze of despair. You barely registered the movement of the car, your mind still trapped in the courtroom’s crushing weight, replaying every agonizing moment. Touya’s kiss, so fervent and desperate, was a fading echo in your memory, the touch of his lips now a ghostly warmth against your own.

When you finally stepped through the door of your apartment, the silence was overwhelming, a stark contrast to the chaotic noise of the courtroom. The space, once a sanctuary filled with shared moments and laughter, now felt like an empty shell—a hollow reminder of the love that had been so brutally torn away. The walls seemed to close in on you, the emptiness amplifying the ache in your heart.

Shoto stood in the doorway, his expression a mixture of concern and helplessness. “I’m going to stay nearby tonight, alright? You don’t have to go through this alone. I’ll be here when you need me.”

You nodded numbly, your movements mechanical as you made your way toward the bedroom. Shoto’s gaze lingered on you, a silent testament to his worry, but you couldn’t bring yourself to meet his eyes. The weight of your grief was a suffocating cloak, one that you couldn’t bear to share, even with someone as compassionate as Shoto.

Once you were alone, you collapsed onto the bed, the sheets still faintly imbued with the scent of Touya. Clutching the fabric to your chest, you inhaled deeply, seeking solace in the last remnants of his presence. But the comfort was fleeting, a cruel mockery of the warmth that used to fill your life. The harder you tried to hold on, the more those memories slipped through your fingers like grains of sand. His scent, once so potent, was fading, replaced by the cold sterility of your apartment. The feeling of his touch, the warmth of his body beside yours, was now just a distant memory, barely more than a ghost.

As you lay there, staring at the ceiling, a soft memory floated up from the depths of your mind. You remembered a day when Touya had come over for a surprise visit. You had been lounging around the apartment, feeling a little down, when he burst in with a playful grin.

“Guess who’s here?” he’d teased, his voice full of mischief.

You had looked up in surprise, and his grin had widened. “Touya, what are you doing here?”

He had sauntered over, taking your hand and pressing a kiss to your knuckles. “What? I can't drop by my own girls house?...you wound me, sweetheart. How about a kiss to seal the deal?”

You had laughed, shaking your head. “And how is that supposed to help?”

With a dramatic flourish, he leaned in and pressed his lips gently against yours, his kiss light and teasing. “See? Instant mood boost,” he’d said, pulling back with a satisfied smirk.

You had felt a warm flush spread across your cheeks, your heart fluttering at the affection he had showered on you. He had cupped your face in his hands, his eyes twinkling with playful affection. “Still think I’m a bad influence?”

Before you could answer, he had leaned in again, his kiss deeper this time, filled with a tenderness that made you melt. His lips had moved against yours with a sweet, lingering touch, his breath mingling with yours as if he was trying to savor every moment.

As the memory faded, you found yourself reaching up to touch your lips, trying to hold onto whatever was left of him. The warmth of his kiss lingered on your fingertips, a fragile reminder of the love you had shared. You pressed your fingers gently against your lips, whispering into the emptiness of the room, “Don’t let go of me.”

The only response was the echo of your own voice, bouncing back at you in the silence. And as your eyes drifted shut, the last thing you saw was his smile, the one that always made your heart skip a beat. The one that promised, no matter what, he was never truly gone.

Because as long as you remembered him, as long as you held onto the love you shared, he would always be with you—in the softness of his kisses, in the teasing banter, in the echoes of the dark.

The tears came again, relentless and all-consuming. You buried your face in the pillow, muffling your sobs against the softness of the fabric. Every sound, every memory, seemed to dissolve into the void of your grief. His voice, his touch, were slipping away, becoming distant echoes in the vast emptiness of your heart.

“You deserve better, you know that right?,” his words reverberated in your mind, a cruel reminder of the reality you had to face. It felt like a punch to the gut, a cruel twist of the knife.

But how could you move on? How could you erase the only person who had ever made you feel truly alive, who had ignited a fire in your soul that now left you cold and empty? The pain of losing him was more than just heartache; it was an unbearable void, a chasm of loneliness that seemed to swallow everything in its path.

Your fingers fumbled through the closet, seeking some tangible piece of him. You found one of his shirts, the fabric worn and comforting. Pulling it out, you clutched it to your chest, the scent of his cologne a bittersweet reminder of the man you loved. It enveloped you, a ghostly whisper of what once was, mingling with the tears that streaked your face.

“I miss you so much,” you whispered into the darkness, your voice trembling and breaking as you cried. The words were a desperate plea to the empty room, a final declaration of love to a presence that now only existed in memory.

In the oppressive silence that followed, with the weight of the world pressing down on you, you held onto his memory like a lifeline. The ache in your chest was a constant companion, a reminder of the love that had burned so fiercely and was now reduced to ashes.

As you lay there, trying to find some semblance of peace in the quiet of the night, you clung to the fragments of him that lingered in your heart. You hoped that somehow, amidst the crushing despair, you would find a way to navigate this overwhelming pain. But for now, all you could do was hold onto his memory, let it lull you into a fitful sleep, and dream of a world where love didn’t end in sorrow, where time hadn’t been stolen away so cruelly.

Jesus christ this is the longest fic I have ever released so far ...damn ...

147 notes · View notes

acescorazon · 11 months

Note

I LOVE YOUR FIC CHANGES!!!!! I HOPE YOU UPDATE SOON!!!!!

THANK U BBYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. ILY MUAH. I was updating like every day but then i got my period... i mean i fell into a pit of darkness and didn't have the energy to climb out. How bizarre. ANYWAYS, HERE'S YOUR FOOD.

Title: Changes Ch: 5/?

Rating: M (I'm just putting that as the rating in general for every ch lol)

Word count:2291

Warnings: Depressed clown :(

Chapter excerpt:

"Mihawk keeps asking about you," Mohji announces all of a sudden, "He keeps asking if you're okay and if your illness is something serious." Hawkeye keeps asking about him… Why? To know if he's died yet? What a joke! That man doesn't care about Buggy, why is he even wasting his breath asking about him? "I just keep telling him that you have the flu, and he's always like, 'Ah…is that so? Tell him I hope he feels better.' Isn't that…ridiculous?!" Yeah, that is rather ridiculous. Buggy has a hard time believing that Mihawk is genuinely concerned about him, but at the same time, he can't imagine why he'd just pretend to care either. It's weird.

|Ch1|Ch2|Ch3|Ch4|

The next several days are on an endless loop for Buggy. He stays in bed all day, unwilling to come face to face with Mihawk after his little drunken rant from days prior, afraid of what Mihawk will say to him now that he's completely sober. So, he stays in bed, either sleeping or lost in thought. He should be preparing men, supplies, and their new flagship for departure, but he can't bring himself to do it. At the very least he should be making sure everything on Emptee Bluffs Island is going smoothly, and yet… he doesn't care about that either.

Being in Cross Guild is so…exhausting.

Crocodile has called for meetings every single day, and every day, Buggy has one of his men lie and say he's sick. He's missed about 10 meetings now, he thinks. He can't remember, everything is starting to blend in together. All he knows is that sooner or later Crocodile is going to get pissed and come looking for him, and then what? Beat him up? Threaten him? Actually, kill him this time?

Man, who cares?

Cabaji, Mohji, and Richie, often come by and sit with him, usually overly worried about Buggy's well-being and not believing him when he says he's just sick or tired, but of course, Buggy always tells them that he's fine.

Today, they're with him again, sitting by his bed and trying to get him to eat some of the sea king the other members of the crew somehow caught and killed today. "Captain…" Mohji sighs, "Come on, at least take a couple of bites." He asks, but he sounds more like he's begging than asking. "You've hardly eaten anything these last few days." While that is very true, it's because Buggy doesn't have much of an appetite these days, nothing tastes right or really interests him, and god knows he doesn't have the energy to make his own food…just… he just wants to sleep.

Buggy sits in his bed, slightly peeved that Cabaji and Mohji insist he sit up in general, and looks down at the sea king on his plate. He's not normally a picky eater, you can't be picky when you've spent most of your life at sea, but… this thing reminds him eerily of a poison dart frog with its vibrant color and spots, yet at the same time, it's got fins and a body like a snake... He doubts his men would actually cook up something poisonous, they aren't that naive…but still, Buggy has no interest in this fish..frog…snake thing.

But if he did die from ingesting it…that'd just be his luck, wouldn't it? Death seems… inescapable at this point, and he often wonders just what or who will end up taking his life first. "I'm not hungry," Buggy repeats, but Mohji and Cabaji seem determined today.

"Just take a couple of bites, please, Captain?" Mohji practically begs, "Just a couple, it's actually really good!" Doubt it, Buggy thinks.

Cabaji follows suit, "Yeah, just take a couple of bites and if you don't like it, you don't have to eat the whole thing! We'll just feed the rest to Richie, right, Mohji?"

"Right!"

Buggy really doesn't want to eat anything, but he hates to make the other two worry, so he ends up taking a couple of bites of his lunch, and yeah, it isn't bad…it's one of the better-tasting sea kings that he's had, this one actually tastes like chicken despite its weird appearance, but Buggy still only eats a couple of bites, just enough to get the other two off his back and then hands Mohji his plate to give to Richie.

He wants to lie back down, but the others won't let him. "Um, Captain?" Cabaji calls out, seemingly a little nervous, "Uh, how about I run you a warm bath and…uh, How about I help you wash and brush your hair today?" Cabaji suggests with a small grin. Oh, yeah, basic needs are a thing. Man, Buggy really doesn't care about any of that stuff anymore, he's going to die anyways, so what's the point? He'll just ask one of his men to make him look nice for his funeral.

"Okay?" Cabaji asks, still smiling.

Buggy understands what this really is about. This is a very polite and roundabout way of telling him he needs to bathe, but none of his men would ever outright tell him he stinks so they have to use words like, 'Oh, how about I run you a bath and help you wash your hair today?' Or, 'Wow, you look like you need to relax…how about a nice bath?'

Whatever.

Buggy lets Cabaji run him a bath, and he sits and waits in bed while he prepares everything for him. He watches Richie eat his leftover sea king, and can't help but think how nice it'd be to be a lion, well, actually a cat. If reincarnation exists, he thinks he'd like to live a carefree life as a cat, a spoiled one too. Being a pirate isn't something he thinks he'd want to do again unless he could live a life with his old crew again, this time a happy one that isn't cut short, maybe then he'd be a pirate again... Or he could be a star in the sky, that'd be nice.

"Crocodile has asked about you too, but only once, and when I told him you had the flu, he rolled his eyes at me and went: 'Of course that dumb clown is sick.' And then walked away! I tell ya, I don't know what the others see in those two!" Mohji frowns, "They're so mean to you! I… I think if we all banned together then we could…you know…." He whispers the next part of his sentence, "Show them who's boss."

Honestly if Buggy thought he and or his crew had a chance against Mihawk and Crocodile, then he would have had both of them taken out a long time ago, but he knows even with an army of men, he couldn't take out one of his business partners, let alone both. It's a fun thought though, "Let's not waste our time," Buggy replies, exhaling a long, shaky sigh, "Besides, it's like I told you before, I can handle those two! Do you really think I'd let them beat and bully me?!"

Mohji just stares at him from his seat, obviously not convinced but he doesn't push the subject any further, and thank God for that.

Cabaji reappears a few moments after that, telling Buggy his bathwater is ready, and in all honesty, Buggy rather not do this, but he doesn't feel like hearing the other two complain either. He follows Cabaji into the bathroom and tells him he can at least bathe himself, and somewhere at the back of Buggy's mind he feels like he should feel more ashamed by the situation, but he doesn't. His former captain always told him that good friends don't judge you when you're at your lowest times and that they instead help you when no one else will, and so maybe that's why he has no guilt about letting Cabaji wash his hair. He'd do the same for him and then some. He and Mohji are more than just subordinates, they're friends, no, they're family, and honestly Buggy doesn't deserve either one of them.

As he washes Buggy's hair, Cabaji also tells Buggy that Mihawk keeps asking about him. Again, Buggy finds the idea of Mihawk asking all of Buggy’s crew about his well-being almost comical. Did the world’s strongest swordsman grow a heart? Ha, as if. Or maybe Buggy’s earlier suspicions are correct, maybe Mihawk’s waiting, hoping that Buggy’s ‘flu’ will take him out and that he won’t have to deal with him anymore, which honestly seems like a more realistic explanation for everything.

A hot bath and a nice relaxing hair wash later, and Buggy’s sitting on the small couch in his room, getting his hair brushed by Cabaji as he listens to both Mohji and Cabaji ramble on about this and that, and occasionally bicker over trivial things. It feels like his men are the only consistency in his life, but he wonders if there will be a day when even that changes. Maybe he’ll end up with so many men that their crew will seem more like an army than a family, then again maybe he won’t live to see the day when that’s actually a problem. And if that doesn’t happen, then maybe Mihawk will eventually end up replacing Buggy’s crew with a new, more efficient one that he hardly knows let alone can consider his family…who knows?

Now, as stated before, Buggy’s usual visitors consist of Mohji, Cabaji and Richie, but today Buggy finds himself getting an additional guest in his room. Sometime around late afternoon Alvida joins Buggy’s already boisterous company, and as soon as she realizes Buggy’s perfectly fine, she sighs at him,”I knew you weren’t sick.” she mutters as she has a seat on the couch next to him after Cabaji and Mohji fight over who’s spot she can take, “But oh well, you won’t believe what I just saw.” She says, grinning.

Hopefully, she saw Crocodile and Mihawk board a ship and sail as far away from the island as possible, never to return again, but that’s just not realistic, is it? “What did you see?” Buggy asks though he’s not particularly curious about her gossip today.

“Mihawk and Crocodile were fighting.”

“Crocodile and Mihawk bicker every once in a while, so what?”

“No, they were actually physically fighting earlier.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know but they were both heated,” Alvida claims, “I think they reached a draw, but they were fighting for a long time, half the island saw it.”

Despite claiming that he doesn’t care about either of the two, Buggy’s slightly curious about Mihawk and Crocodile’s altercation. Sure they’ve butt heads a couple of times in the past because Crocodile is so damn overbearing and of course, Mihawk doesn’t take being bossed around lightly, but they never get physical with things, it’s usually just threats of possible fights that don’t go anywhere. Maybe that was it, maybe Crocodile just got too controlling again, and Mihawk got tired of it. He did say he was tired of Crocodile’s shit the other day… Yeah, that’s got to be it…Because what else could it be???

…

A couple of more days go by after that, and Buggy’s still stuck in that same loop: Sleep. Overthink. Sleep. Overthink. Sleep. Overthink. Of course, there are brief things that break the cycle like Mohji and Cabaji checking on him and feeding him and making sure he’s being taken care of, but other than that, it’s just sleep, overthink, repeat. He just doesn’t see the point in getting out of bed every day when Mihawk and Crocodile are just going to make his life a living hell, or worse, end his miserable existence.

Despite all his stress though, there are times when his bedroom is rather comforting, he knows that it offers him no real protection from the outside world, but in his room he feels safe and like he’s miles away from all his problems even though they’re literally just right outside. He thinks he’s missed, hm…12 meetings now, maybe 13 …14? Who knows, he’s surprised that Crocodile is even still calling for them, or that he hasn’t come barging into his room to yank him out of his bed and beat him to death for ruining his perfect schedule.

Buggy doesn’t care about Cross Guild though (or for much of anything right now) he never has and he doubts he ever will. He’s perfectly fine just keeping himself locked away in his bedroom for as long as possible. Mohji will take care of the others and if he doesn’t, then Alvida will, and if she doesn’t, then Buggy’s sure that Crocodile and Mihawk will boss his men around, but they’re strong, spirited, and oblivious, they can handle anything.

Something breaks his seemingly endless depressive cycle by the time he’s missed 18 meetings…or was it 19?

One of his men comes into his room around midmorning, like always, and tells him that a meeting has been called… But today, Mihawk’s the one who’s called for the meeting apparently, and Buggy instantly tells his subordinate to tell Mihawk that he’s still under the weather and can’t go to the meeting, to which his subordinate replies, “He says it’s urgent, Chairman Buggy, and that if you can’t go to the meeting room, that he’ll bring the meeting here instead.”

That’s got to be the worst, no, actually, the second worst thing he’s been told in his entire life. Why? Why now? Why can’t Mihawk and Crocodile just hold their dumb meetings by themselves? It’s not like Buggy gets to make any decisions or his input matters, why does he have to leave his safe space and go see them?

((A/n: Hate how they didn't add ChouChou to the live-action or Richie. The idea that some of you might not know that Richie is a lion and you might think he's just some guy is funny though lol.))

#one piece #cross guild #my writing #wondering if should post two updates today or save it for tomorrow lol #Look though the girls (gender neutral) are fighting!!#THINGS ARE SLOWLY STARTING TO CHANGE HMMMM #but first *singsongs* DRAMAAAA~#was gonna wait til the weekend to start posting all this bs but then i got the ask soooooooooo lol #ask #i be out here updating on random ass weekdays at random ass times when i know that the chances these will be seen are better during #the weekend #And yet...i say...fuck it...we ball...

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drunktuesdays · 1 year

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i love all of your work so much and im so sorry to hear you’re in a writing drought :((( i hope it gets better soon 💖🫂

for the wip game - if it was us (dustjim)

thank u love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! on BOTH counts!

this is the wip that most exists in my mind and only barely exists in "tangible" "word" form. it was born, like most things are, in a conversation with longnationalnightmare, and i tell it to myself a LOT before i fall asleep but it's one of those things where i know how all of the major plot beats would go but it would need so many minor plot beats and b&c storylines that i've never plotted out

an excerpt:

It was just something stupid, just another ill-considered smart ass remark that came out of his mouth. He wasn’t thinking. He wasn’t ever thinking. It was ancient history, before Japan, before AEW, before anyone fucking knew who they were. The dirtbag years. Dustin had been drinking, shooting the shit, talking nonsense, and he had said to Gulak and Jim, “oh whatever, like you wouldn’t fuck me if you had a chance,” and he had been about to do something stupid too, like kiss his bicep or thump his fucking shitty spare tire or whatever. It was just that.

Jim had looked at him for one second, frozen. Like a fucking deer in front of an eighteen wheeler. Jim had looked at him and Dustin had thought, “oh shit, you do.”

It was just a moment. The spell had broken quickly—Drew had snorted, loud, said something predictable like “I wouldn’t fuck you with someone else’s dick,” and Jim had cackled, Dustin had feigned outrage—the night moved on.

He didn’t say anything about it. Jim didn’t either.

He didn’t forget about it though.

The thing was, it was objectively insane. He knew hot little Jim picked up. He had that quality girls liked, the one that said “I’m a sure bet.” Jim wasn’t gonna ghost them after sneaking out at 5am. He wasn’t gonna accidentally break up with them on their birthday, or fuck their roommate. Jim basically had Raised Right stamped on his forehead.

Jim had never dated a guy. Not that Dustin knew. He didn’t look at guys, never made jokes, nothing. It was a fluke. A mistake.

Except that when he thought about it, he could still kinda picture what Jim’s face had looked like. Dustin wasn’t wrong about what he saw. He just didn’t think about it.

and then, i think—if i was going to write this, it would have a long period of like--almost. dustin almost brings it up again. jim almost says something--all over a period of years. and then the climax bit is that dustin's in a shitty hard relaysh that's going badly, and he's frustrated and depressed, and a little drunk, and he actually does say something to jim, something like "aren't you glad you never signed on for this?" and jim looks at him directly and says, "it wouldn't be like this if it was us." and dustin's brain whites out, and jim says "you wanna order jimmyjohns?" and leaves dustin gaping.

#asks #my work #wrestling

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tboyblogger · 10 months

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bit manic so im just posting this to write things down to ground myself feel free to ignore just a psychotic schizoidposting u, mhello im tp im 23 uh,.i like films and comcis and kvideogames and music .ilike

i curentlty like p: uhh spiou e fantazo mysepexial interest😁👍forver.& ilike songs. need to have soudns in my ears 24/7 i like sounds and songs i lie,big thief a lot my favoit band!oh lkately i like avril + burnham (preinside(again too pop rock and punk folk so good to my ears im listening to jumpstyle my heart beats so fast rn you guys ineedsoudns to beb beat 👍 not that emoji i lneed sounds to thump like my heatbeats heart beats. video games yes for video games i like i curenly like tf2 i ondt play i suck at it but i love the comics um evger since i was a teenager i was16 oh i lie, psirou hm but ive always been liking sooiru. hm his name. soirou. soirou.HIS NAME

spirou. yes that is it im so sorry im not the best in typing accurtaely i rely a lot on. suggestion HUH what its call. the words that popup when you type i use it a lot because i cant type? his this mysic is really really lousd right mow i had caffeine so i am shakign...WOWZERS anyways ah yeah yeah i like super mario 👍 yes a lot i like. smrpg (out on the seithc not!! not what i wantsd to say? out on nthe swithc now!!) and m&l and paper mario... yes so

good my favorite is bowser andluigi is a girl 👧 <- girl emoji I LOVE ILOVE..chubirobo... not its name. chibirobo. yes. my favorite home console is the ps2 but i dont have a tv/screenf forit i really want a crt tv... oh uyes i like computers 👍👍👍 i love cds dvds i lovie computera.persocom. and disk readears and muaic players i used to have a cd player all i did when i was in a depressive episode in 2017 was locking myself in my room lying on the floor and let it p,lay my michael jackjson cd it saced saved mylfie

MYLIFE MY life i meant to write my life. my live my life my life my life my life my lofe mylfie. hthat again. not that. my life. this is correct

im so scred... im so scared

ah what els,e.. tf2.. yes that we have alreayd talked about that my favorite is pauling and soldier and ?the dad and boy duo and maybe engie. i like the adminitragior too beacyse toxic yuri 🔥🔥🔥 huh the spacing i didntn mean to do that guys im scraed im scared. ill throwi up oh yi havent stalked HUH I SAID. I HAVE NOT TALKED. yes. have not talked about movies yes! i lvie moviesbut justthe normal amount i lie when there are people and moving pictures scoot piligim series out now i'll wtach that with my big subling soon and then ill tahc watch it again wiht sochoi yes!!!!!!!!!! beautiful world we live in ohhh my life is slipping away from me im so scred. i have to . this. to do this Work ythats what. i like everything that reminds me of spirou and fantasio becuade 😂um i didnnt mean to click this amoji BEcause special interest i love them 😁😁😁 <& treally like thiss emoji. smiels really wide is so friendly is my friend that emoji that... um thats all for mnow i hope i can nread comics and wtahc watch! asteroid city and finish smrpg and chibirobo. and i kwant to go look at images of spirou and fantasio

photo was from wheni was22!!!!! and i got lsot in the woods so i deicsd to do a fit check 😁😁 was last lst last year. summer!m fsummer is fun you van hanout with your Friends yess i love Summer

#tp posting #tp himself

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borderline-gays-club · 7 months

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03/04/24. 10:43am

I’m feeling emotional today, crying on the train to get to work. I’ve been battling this depression the past week or so and trying to find hope. I had a conversation abt our dreams with my best friend this morning and I feel a lot rn.,

It’s so hard knowing what I want/need in my life yet the grind of just trying to stay alive is preventing me from being able to work on anything in the way that I want. And then just feeling perpetually behind bc of my neurodivergence and my fun assortment of mental illnesses it’s hard not to sink into deep depression. this depression creeps up from time to time anyway, and I just need to continue to battle it all. It’s so hard, and I know I’m not the only one. Literally everyone is struggling this same struggle. To not have your creativity and love for life beat the fuck out of you is a daily fight. It’s really so hard, but then the alternative is to just be a worker dead inside with no hope, no dreams, no space to imagine a better future.

It’s always so sad hearing abt ppl giving up their dreams for the sake of survival and bc everyone’s just tired. So many ppl are just empty and complacent in their emptiness. Bc imagining a better future is also fighting all these oppressive systems. If you’re too loud abt it u can literally get killed. But if you’re not loud abt it you die internally and succumb to the weight of oppression.

Every time I feel hopeless I just think of every person that has had their dreams, their beautiful life just violently stolen from them. How cruel that is to be born into life with a natural love for life, for that to be stripped of you.

I think about the thought of being hopeless In life being a privilege. Which is also what makes me continue to fight on within myself so I can fight for a better future not just for myself but for humans and all life. I refuse to let this hellish system kill my soul. Even if they kill my body, I have to die with fight in me. I don’t want to be a coward. I have so much fight in me, I made it this far.

I think about every single martyr that we see on our phones daily in Palestine. And all the martyrs throughout this imperial colonial regime that have become nameless. Babies that couldn’t even make it to their first birthday. How evil is that. They barely breathed life and got it all ripped away. All this suffering for the benefit of a few ppl.

And I can’t help but feel guilty that I have the privilege of still being able to chase my dreams. But I can’t let that guilt keep me frozen. I have to keep moving. What does it mean to honor all of these people who’s live were violently stolen? What does it mean for me to live my life with courage and not succumb to cowardice and complacency? These are the things I am grappling with. And that I need to find answers to. We all deserve a life that is filled with violent torture and bloodshed. We all have a right to Live a life with love and care and compassion and joy. I’m so so tired but I can’t let hopelessness and despair overcome my fight and love for life. I need to keep fighting. The sadness is only a part of the fight. There will be victories even in these desperate times. Humans are resilient.

#actually bpd #bgc #bpd #bpd thoughts #quiet borderline #actually borderline #bpd shit #hope

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jenanddomo · 2 years

Text

1.19.23

today the day i finally move on. im glad he block me on here unless i did idk. i blocked him everywhere. phone number to roblox . i finally deleted every picture of us. well what used to be “us”

i actually cherish the moments we had from beginning to end. i remember when we used to send selfies to eachother n how we would fight who would do what more in the beginning. i remember just being over heels for u , i even thought we werent even gon get together or last for a month. but we grew up for basically 3 years together n saw us become adults .

it sad it had to end like this. it ended in the most heart wrenching way for me. maybe not for u. but then in a way realization hit. this was for the best.

n my gut was right. i remember the time we would just smile after every kiss we did,every hug, even dumb arguments in person we would smile. i remember our dumb inside jokes with miss ***** and dont go to the restroom youll die type beat. i remember the time in december 2019 how we huddled together to stay warm infront of the gym and we just laughed and smile abt it. the first time we kissed n u didnt realize it til i kissed u the third time n we were watching helen keller i think lol. i remember when i used to write u love notes n little drawings for u to keep. n i remember the letter u gave me n how u said u had to write a in a fancy way lol. i regret throwin that away . i only remember some of what it said.

their were up n downs, mostly down lol . but we did have alot of love to give to eachother everytime we saw eachother. i remember just loving to be in his arms n fighting over one spot on the couch just so one of us can lay. or the time ill try to be big spoon n we would just fight. or when we would be ghost together in blankets n just cuddle . i remember we woudlnt even pay attention to movies bc all we will do is make fun of eachother n focus on eachother. lol i remember pretending to be alll sad n depressed everytime he left my house.

i remember our fights . we were both so jealous. so controllin too. im sorry for being so controlling and jealous at the time. now i realize we were being dumb n we needed to trust eachother. but it all started to go downhill when we both lied to eachother.

this is my realization that the relationship was so bad. im startin to remember all the bad things me n him did. i dont wan remember bc i just regret fighting n just arguing. i regret slapping him at school. i regret just being so ugly ard him. all i ever was to be just his n just his. i fell in love so hard for him that i just wanted him n only him. even if he didnt believe me i would say it.

that was my problem, i overthought everything bc how madly in love i was . for me, he was my everything, my world, n at the time i would die for him. do anything for him, but at the same time i would atleast have control over myself n try to do wtv even tho i wouldnt let him do wtv. it so weird not talkin to guys for atleast 3 years . when i blocked him i realize i had freedom . for the first time i didnt know what to do. it like a baby comin out of a womb n just cryin n not knowin wtf to do. it was so weird first time in ever i see nothing abt, tryin so hard not to think abt him . n this week i been trying to do self care n workout but i fucked up my sleepin schedule n diet bc since i dont eat as much -below 1000 cals-

since i eat below 1000 cals i lost most of my energy n just tryna make money made it worse.

it was so weird when his bsf started to follow everything n jst like my stuff. like he a hoe no cap

but lol

idk i can’t speak on things.

i can’t speak abt this no more.

i just hope she makes him happier n not miserable like i did. n i hope he finally loves himself n do better for him. but i really hope he can be happy with n without someone n just be a better bf for someone else n hopefully learn from our mistakes.

ill like to describe this relationship as

karmic

“A karmic relationship is one that's filled with all-consuming passion but is extremely difficult to maintain,”

we loved eachother so much but our personalities were always so different eversince the beginning.

hopefully we can talk again in the future. maybe in the future ? maybe when i finally get over over u. i cant bare to see u rn bc ik ill just fall in love again , i just wan see u as sum1 i used to know.

its so funny how i tried to atleast make him jealous lolllollol :p i was so dumb n childish

i dont like nobody

i love to lie so ppl dont think im weak

i only loved him

but he doesn’t love me

anyways

im glad i didnt cry makin this post:) girlboss

hopefully i do the things i wan today bc i just got 100 bucks:) also may never post again

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rawrmeansilyindinosawr · 2 years

Text

THE L GOT YASSIFIED N GHANDI IS AT 14TH ST UNION SQUARE!!!!!!?!??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the L stawped being a cunt on the weekendz w it’s fuckin delays n got individual seats that don’t clap back when u sit down ! Altho i am a “clap back “ advocate (Let ur cheekz Speak if they must ) i do wonder why

why is it always so awkward to hit on someone on public transit ?

we sit across each other staring each other down n i wish u were clumsy enough.

to leave a bag or your phone or wallet on the seat so i could say something to you but nothing is scripted here on this island of a city. there are only real moments. and this includes the pain in the people watching cuz sometimes we just end up watching them live their lives so much so in admiration we watch them leave.

I wrote dat ab some rly long white person with a maroon jumpsuit. N i don’t hav the energy to post a misc connection on Queer craigslist /LEX soooooo. Whut eve.

Dis week i hav been severely depressed n isolative besides for the day that the pilgrims decided to say it wuz the day that wuz gonna b ab slaying n giving . i ate sum dead bird n made sure even their bone marrow life mattered n cartilage cuz post veganism n peta rites advocate type beat a life is a mf life . Hoe .

Mi boss at union square Market s@id she saw her nekked neighbur whilst walkin around the duck truck. whut wuld u do if ur nekkid neighbor came to ur place of werk n every1 sais he is a rly nice person but he had a big SSHLONG. Now i kno whut ima wish 4 on my wishlist. No this isn’t 4 other bitchez . Nor is it for sshlong reveal. I wish some1 wuld notice meh as the nekkid neighbur at the union Square holidey market.

I whuhz almost in luv w a gurl who luved big patty wattyz n raised awareness for autism via tiK tok last yr n also i hate lex now!!!!!!!!!!! 2 many ppl wanting to give out their used sheets n Service tops who dont wanna Host . But i do thoroughly enjoy when Ppl wanna give their free concert tickets out . So lex gonna b the new ticketmaster to me but anarchist - community fridge version Without the food . Smfh . Y it gotta take watching perks of being a wallflower to realize we regret picking the boy w the eyebrow piercing when we culdve picked the 1 who got hit by a car butt still ended up pullin up to bossa limpin .

Im in luv with club E n gave them my tiara cuz they r a tucking princess and cuz their music reminds meh of myspace era sheit. Also they name is ren like me TWOOOOOO. twinnem:-] <3

As car seat headrest sayz in its only seggs i think bc of his demisexual cusp of asexual self .

“

OK, so I've been reading all the sex blogs

And they all talk about how OK it is to be gay

And straight and bisexual and asexual

And have sex however you like

But I don't care about hundreds of hypothetical people

And their hypothetical sex deals

I care about me, and my sex deal!

What about my problems?

Baby, my body

Constantly betrays me

I try to betray it

I only hurt myself

Yeah, yeah

I can't tell you if I like it, I like it

What happens if I don't like it? I like it

I can't tell you if I like it, I like it

What happens if I don't like it? It's only-

It's only sex

It's only

It's only sex

C'mon, sexual desire, speak! “

My brain is too fried from vyvanze dependence to decipher n explain it all right meow . I jus kno i luv those lyrics n i luv when post club - post party we all come back to mi lil floor mattress in mi tiny room n we kuddle puddle!!!!!!

Saw a Zyn nicotine ad omw to my lobotomy apt at callen lourde this mornin n i miss the dude who gav tht to meh while me werkin this japanese restaurant once n holy sheit i wuz shaking n shitting n crying my entire shift . I miss werking there cuz i made $400 a shift n lowkey I could get any vacation hours i wanted. Now im like a finance bro who goes to reggae bars in the city N gets pussy on hinge . v_v RIP!!!!!

i havnt been to saint vitus penus yet but thts Ok cuz i heard someone saw pee pee juice n eyeball juice on the bathroom mirror once n ill just stick to duffz if i wanna find a punk goth giorl to destroy my Third hole . Im crying a lot these days super fragile as well as today being a significant date for me N i missh ketamine so damn much butt i refuse to sniff anymore cuz i nvr kno how to dose w the diff german strainz n i always get sickie or khole n see myself on a train n being someone’s mutha . Weird!!!!!!!!!!’

Idek if i givin up on life or life givin up on meh but im just mf done . N i kno dis cuz im in my candle era yall . Where i lie n say i’m “running errands “ but sniffin diff candles at target n burglington ALONE . all dis for some mf seratonin biotch ????!!!????? Alsoo last randomo thot but i luv one of my good friendz from nyu n they were ganged up on bc of some DUMB RUMORS n i gots to say i kant stand a fucking bully or ppl who kant extend grace to others cuz it just feels v cliquey n stupid . Lik if we rly gonna believ rumors n gossip n not see someone’s character or try to understand i don’t see how ppl can b ok wit the ppl they hav to be with when they r alone with themselvez at nite . We r constantly evolving and it’s wrong to hold things against people esp in this age and this goes for me as well. I hope to receive the grace and love and empathy that I extend .

Soooooo many more fuckin thots n ramblingz like how i wish there was a poll i could start somewhere outside of instagram ab who wuld fuck G Eazy post halsey (Cmon , “tumblr girls”was an AMAZING song!!!!!!) N how much i luv egg by the garden but. Til nxt wk Babez.

Xx , ketaminechic NOT CHICK who doesn’t do ketamine anymore but kant put the energy into changing it then changing it on all platforms cuz omfGGGGGGGggg who cares that deeply ab this social media Bullsheit anywayzzz , Renny baby <3 :-] visit me at union square market Booth c20til Xmas eve !!!

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killjester · 3 years

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proud 2 announce i have been beatin tae fuck out of my mental illness this year. guybossing

#ive literally kicked so many goals 4 myself this last 12 months #idk who needs 2 hear this but even aftr like 8 yrs of depression it does get better!!!#i just wanted 2 say because like every year it continued on i was like. thisll be it. forever.#because whos sick for that long #but it rlly does get better. it wont go away overnight #or even over a long period of time. but slowly u will start scratching out a little place of happiness for urself.#get the right medication. get the right therapy. n this 1 is so so hard but learn to respect urself.#self love feels impossible sometimes #so just start with self respect. treat urself with the same respect ud give anyone else.#hating urself in every aspect will honestly suck the soul right out of u. nothing u do will ever matter.#and every impact u have is inherently bad #just learn to accept ur just Some Guy. ur as human as everyone else. theres nothing inherently despicable about you #n every human deserves to enjoy the joy of life. they deserve 2 find real human connection.#STOP beating urself up. u are already trying so hard. and have to try even harder because ur ill #turn that hatred for urself into passivity. let urself fail or grow. don't ask if u deserve this.#allow urself the basic human right 2 exist and be happy without shame or judgement from urself #n see urself thrive!!!#anyway yea i just wanted 2 type this bcuz.. well #its somethin id love 2 have heard a long time ago when i was at my worst.. n maybe someone here will resonate with it #n if theres a possibility of that. then id really like to get this message to some1 who needs it

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randomfandomnoms · 3 years

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Hanahaki

So! I have a smol oneshot for you guys (lumity ofc) involving the sicness Hanahaki. I think i'll just jump right into it, and if you like it there is a link to my full book of Lumity oneshots below! :D

As the sunlight streamed down through the billowing curtains, flickering while the spots of color danced across the room, all Amity knew was pain. From the moment the light hit her eyes and convinced them to open, pain had crashed over her in pounding and relentless waves. She longed for comfort, in her mind she begged and pleaded for forgiveness, as if somehow this were a punishment for some wretched crime that she somehow committed.

After all, how could being in love be held to the same consequence as that of a crime?

She would laugh at the thought, if only the pain hadn’t hurt so bad. Rather than try to accomplish anything, let alone try to call for any form of help, she lay there. Heart aching, lungs burning, after all this was her punishment, right? Her death sentence for letting her heart and head think and feel in ways she shouldn't. All that was left was to let the curse grow as her body rotted.

She coughed a little, letting slip a weakened smile as soft golden petals fluttered over her head like a halo. She licked away some of the blood that trickled down her chin. Even now, she couldn’t help but think of the person who caused her such despair. The kind, thoughtful, and adorable person who was everything opposite compared to her body's turmoil. Deep down, buried past the flowers rooted into her, past the thorns holding her heart in a vice grip, there was still warmth in the thought of Luz. She wanted nothing more than for the human girl to sit here by her side, even if she merely watched Amity crumple and break, she didn’t care.

That was all she wanted.

She eventually grew distant to the world around her, only slipping back through the cracks for a moment whenever the pain grew too intense or a cough racked through her paired with the flowers that were unnaturally forced out of her. She was sure someone must have found her by now, yet every time she awoke she found herself in the same familiar room, alone.

She wasn’t even too sure she ever was awake. For all she could tell, she could very well have been lost to sleep the entire time. The only thing that really separated one from the other was the absence of this undesirable pain, and the partnership of her loving friend.

Eventually she finally did wake up, and this time she was certain it was real. There was no way that even her mind could concoct the mixture of pain and emotions swirling like a storm inside of her. Plus, this time she was in a slightly different situation.

She could make out a faint beeping, yet she couldn’t quite tell if it was quiet due to being far away, or her illness. She could feel cold, painful plastic pressed down her throat, in her arms, her lungs. She was still back in her own bed, which wasn't surprising due to how far her condition had progressed. The familiar ceiling above her gave little reassurance. She did notice that someone had tucked her in with softer blankets than the ones she had been laying on when she first slipped away. It felt good to know someone cared at least a little.

It didn’t take long for drowsiness to press on her chest and drag her down. She let her tear stained eyes fall shut. She felt no need to struggle to keep consciousness, seeing as no medicine could lessen her pain. She was almost lost to the world again when something changed.

She could feel the tubes that aided her in nourishment and drawing breath slowly pulled back out. It was painfully uncomfortable, and while it was nothing compared to her illness it was enough to pull her back. She could feel someone’s touch, gentle and soft cupping the side of her face. She let herself relax into the hand, feeling the first tiny piece of comfort since this nightmare had started. Eventually, she became certain that whoever it was was trying to speak to her. She strained to pick up what they were saying, but only came up with a few words.

“I’m so sorry.”

After that all sounds grew foggy, and distant once more. She was sure that whoever’s voice it had been, it was loaded down with sadness and pain that was almost as strong as her own. She shuddered with a cough, the soft blossoms pressing up and scattering over her body. The stranger didn’t seem to mind the abnormality, rather gathered and swept the petals away before replacing them with a gentle massaging touch over her chest.

She untensed a little, letting them rub at her pain. She started to wonder who it really could be looking over her. Certainly not her parents, nor Edric. Emira and Lilith were both reasonable answers. She dared even to imagine it might be her harbinger of pain, somehow appearing to aid her through this somehow.

It was a nice dream.

“Your ∼∼∼∼∼∼∼. ∼∼∼ can rest. I’ll be ∼∼∼∼.”, she picked up, yet she could cling to nothing more. She chose to take the suggestion as she found her way back into painless dreams once more.

Although, even in her dreams there seemed to be a sort of sadness spilling through the cracks in the walls her mind had conjured up.

On waking after, she could somehow tell that if she let herself go one last time, she wouldn’t be able to find her way back to the light. Part of her knowledge was based on the beat of the beeping, which had slowed and grown fairly uneven compared to her last moment among the sleepless. While she had no strength to lift her lids away to replace the darkness with light, she could feel sadness in the very air around her. Even though it hurt to try, she pressed to try and hear something that would make some sense of it all.

She could hear the voice from before, and yet it wasn’t talking, rather sobbing that allowed her to identify it in the first place. As she regained some lucidity, she recognized a warmth holding on tightly to her hand. She wished she could squeeze back against the slender fingers, even just twitching her fingers against the hand would have been enough.

Everything suddenly shifted, some of the tubes still pinned into her skin being shifted uncomfortably. It took a moment for her senses to kick in and register that it was due to someone sitting down on the bed behind her head, pulling her close and wrapping her in a warm grasp. She could only manage a pitiful whine, paired with a stream of bloody petals.

“It’s alright,” The voice crooned in her ear. “You can let go if you want to, I'll be here with you. I won’t be mad Amity.”

Something in the witch's mind clicked, starting up again slowly as a name drifted through her cloudy mind.

“L….u...z…”

At first she hadn’t even registered that she’d spoken, only becoming clear as a sudden intake of breath fluttered past her ear.

It started to become clear, even with the disorientation stalking the order that somehow resurfaced in her mind. It really had been Luz, here by her side all along, somehow gaining entry to the household without being turned away. Something warm gently fluttered inside her for a moment, but only briefly. She could already feel herself being pulled down despite her moment of calamity.

She weakly nuzzled her head against Luz’s chest, the girl’s voice filling her head as she coaxed and pleaded for her to speak again. As much as she longed to answer, her weakness left her unable. She could already hear the monitor that tracked her heart slow, could feel the flow inside of her start to settle.

She was ready, if it was the path set for her. She was ready for the relief from the pain death might bring her.

But, another factor fell into place, unexpectedly veering her away from the path. She could barely feel something, warm and soft and tender brushing against her lips. That one action sent warmth flooding through her. It felt like someone had wrapped their arms around her, pulling her back from the deep depths of depression she had been tossed into. It took everything in her to press back, just barely.

More sensations started to become clearer. Luz’s arms wrapped around her, her hands in her hair, on her cheek, her body comfortably nestled into her lap. Paired with them was the painful ache in her body and the uncomfortable frigid equipment set into her skin, yet she barely noticed as she melted into the comforting presence of the body pressed against hers. She felt almost helpless again as the softness pulled away from her face, yet calmed as it moved to her ear.

“I love you Amity. Please, please stay here with me…”

It was the best idea Amity had ever heard in her life.

Her eyes fluttered open, a whine escaping her as the long forgotten brightness burned. A hand rested over her teary eyes, slowly pulling away to reveal a smiling face stained with tears looking down on her. She noticed a few golden petals fluttering down out of the girl’s mouth, at first believing that she too had fallen under the spell before realizing them to be her own, her body having filled her mouth with them as she kissed her.

Luz sighed, gently stroking Amity’s cheek as relief sparkled in her brown eyes. Amity could already feel her pain start to die down. Luz plucked a blossom off of the sheets, pressing her nose into it as she breathed Amity’s scent.

“You know… Ever since I met you, gold has always been my favorite color. Just like the flowers.”

https://www.wattpad.com/1127500924-lumity-with-a-dark-side-oneshots-hanahaki

#lumity #Amity #Sick #Luz #Noceda #Blight #the owl house #Lesbian #Hanahaki #Oneshot #Fanfic

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becomewings · 4 years

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The Most Beautiful Moment in Life <I’M FINE>

BTS Universe Story Highlights, pt. 1 / 4

» pt. 2

Introduction

BTS Universe Story, a mobile game published by Netmarble, was released on September 24, 2020. While the majority of the app is essentially a sandbox and engine for users to create their own interactive stories, it also includes official and canon BU content. The first eight segments were introduced between the release date and December 2020, gathered under the title The Most Beautiful Moment in Life <I’M FINE>.

“I’m Fine” is half of the I’m Fine/Save Me ambigram introduced in the Love Yourself era. Notably, all of the BU content available in the game so far falls between events of the webtoon Save Me (also called HYYH0 in its logo) and The Notes 1—chronologically, that is, while bearing in mind that time resets to the morning of 11 April Year 22 whenever SeokJin fails to avert a tragedy among his six friends. I want to assure anyone who is unable to play the game that you are not missing any new, major plot beats from the overall BU narrative. Instead, the stories provide more insight into the motivations and consequences of SeokJin’s decisions in the earlier time loops, as well as more depth to individual characters and their circumstances.

The goal of this guide is to summarize each of the eight stories and highlight noteworthy details, especially if they are not yet present in other BU media. Within each story (which I often refer to as an arc, due to their character-focused nature), episodes must be played successively, but the stories themselves can be played in any order. I will present them over a series of posts in the order they are listed under the <I’M FINE> heading. The Prologue and NamJoon’s arc are free to play; the rest are paid content. Please note that due to the app’s Terms & Conditions, I will not include in-game footage here. The images in this guide are sourced from the official trailers/videos and the live action MVs as appropriate.

Content warning: contains references to death, suicide, suicidal ideation, child abuse, domestic violence, blood, homicide, depression, trauma, PTSD

This guide contains major spoilers and includes references to other BU media

Do not repost, copy, or quote without permission

Game Mechanic

Before diving into the summaries, I would like to address the primary mechanic of the game: the user’s control of character choices at designated moments in the stories. It’s a primary marketing point that the player can influence the progression of the narrative, with a frequent in-app tip also declaring, “stories’ endings can vary depending on your choices.” The latter is not strictly true—and it cannot be true due to the structure of the game. Choices are presented within most (not all) episodes, but each episode is an isolated unit: episode 2 provides the same content regardless of what you choose in episode 1. Since the consequences of your decisions are not cumulative, each episode reaches the same ending, and each decision inevitably rejoins the “main” story path (effectively reducing the script size).

So what is the point of this mechanic? While the system is not nearly as complex as what major platform titles are capable of nowadays (I suspect due in large part to the story creation portion of the game), it does foster a sense of interaction with the narrative that isn’t present in static visual media like comics or film. The episodes with choices also have incentive for replay to discover the impact of changing a character’s dialogue or action. Sometimes the differences between the outcomes are inconsequential, but other times you unearth new details, interactions, or memories that are missing in the other path.

I say this partially in reaction to all of the comments and tweets I read for the game trailers and even Smeraldo Book twitter’s choose-your-own-adventure style teasers with The Notes 2 excerpts released last summer. Many users expressed excitement, through words or memes, about finally being able to give the boys the happy ending they deserved. I don’t fault anyone for wanting that happy ending—I wish for it, too. But no matter what the rather overzealous marketing has claimed, I don’t believe that the canon ending of BU is ever meant to be in the audience’s control. But I do feel that this mechanism fits the BU narrative. It echoes the “countless loops” SeokJin has experienced in an effort to save his friends, the choices he must make at every crossroad, and the butterfly effect those actions have on all of their lives. I think it is reasonable to interpret the simple branching paths in the game as alternatives SeokJin has explored across multiple loops in his struggle to find the “right” way forward. I’d love to hear if you have theories of your own!

Prologue

The prologue is a brief episode introducing SeokJin’s repeated struggle and failure to save his friends. He wakes up yet again in his bed on 11 April Year 22, the beginning of the time loop. After reflecting on the tragedies that keep befalling the others, SeokJin realizes that he has only tried to fix the problems he can see. He wonders: “Have I tried to understand the root of my friends’ misfortunes? How much do I really know about my friends? Maybe I was never brave enough to confront their real scars and the worlds they’ve been living in. But I need to do it. Because it may be the key to saving them all.”

How to Offer a Hand

In this story, SeokJin attempts to prevent NamJoon’s arrest after he gets in a fight with a rude customer at Naeri Gas Station, his place of work. The first episode opens on the night of 11 April Year 22 with NamJoon curling his fists, glaring as crumpled bills lie untouched on the pavement. (The money looks similar to the shot from the I Need U MV.) SeokJin reaches for his shoulder, but NamJoon shrugs him off and strides away to punch the customer who deliberately dropped the bills for him to pick up. The gas station owner runs over at the customer’s furious shouts and orders NamJoon to apologize. He refuses, and police officers soon arrive and charge him with assault. No one listens to SeokJin’s protests that the customer started it first. The man sneers as NamJoon enters the police car. “Do you even have money for a settlement? Hey, you’re done for.” NamJoon is sentenced to prison again, and SeokJin hears glass shattering before the loop resets.

Rising from his bed on the morning of 11 April, SeokJin reflects on his failed efforts so far. He has hit the customer’s car, called for NamJoon in the middle of the incident, and stopped the fight himself, the latter of which caused his friends to avoid him later. The fight has even escalated; the details are unspecified, but the audience is provided an ominous shot of SeokJin speaking to a police officer alone at the scene. NamJoon is not the kind of person who would normally respond to that kind of provocation with his fists. SeokJin realizes that he cannot merely stop the fight but must discover and fix the true cause of it.

With this in mind, SeokJin heads to Naeri Gas Station during the day and tries to engage NamJoon. This is their first time meeting since they both returned to Songju, although SeokJin has experienced it in many loops already. “It’s been a while,” he greets (as he does at the end of the Blood Sweat & Tears Japanese version MV). Before SeokJin can dig deeper in their conversation, NamJoon is called away by his boss. SeokJin enters the small employee break room which serves as NamJoon’s living space when he’s not at the container, hoping to find some clues about his friend’s life. SeokJin locates something bundled in newspapers. If the player chooses to open it, he sees a strange shard of glass inside that may belong to a car or motorcycle headlight. He continues on, finding the book Cosmos by Carl Sagan and a notebook. SeokJin hesitates over the invasion of privacy but decides to read it since he needs all the information that he can gather. The journal entries detail NamJoon’s daily life since returning to Songju: his work at the gas station isn’t too bad despite the occasional rude customer; he purchased a book and hopes to get more in the future; he picked up a second job at a wedding hall to help catch up on bills; his brother NamHyeon got in trouble again, leading to more expenses; and his dad’s health has worsened, with hospital bills after an emergency surgery rising to levels that the family cannot afford. SeokJin knew that NamJoon was the de facto head of household due to his father’s illness but was unaware that it was to this degree. He feels sorry for NamJoon yet is also impressed by his maturity, for NamJoon never writes how difficult his situation is.

NamJoon arrives and asks what SeokJin is doing in the room. If the player chooses to answer “reading” instead of “just sitting there,” SeokJin privately observes that the conversation flows more easily when they talk about books. NamJoon says he must leave and declines when SeokJin offers to wait for him there. SeokJin knocks over a pile of books along with money and receipts as he stands. He thinks it is unusual that NamJoon picks up the books before the money. The books seem to be more than a hobby to NamJoon, holding special meaning. Walking to his car, SeokJin wonders if it is pride or determination not to falter that keeps NamJoon from journaling his grievances. He realizes that money is a constant source of frustration and misery to NamJoon, and that’s why he can’t stomach being insulted over the customer’s dropped money. SeokJin’s new plan is to prevent NamJoon from picking up the money. He also calls Palgok County Hospital and offers to pay the patient bill for NamJoon’s father. Anticipating that NamJoon will be angry if he finds out, SeokJin says the payer is Songho Foundation.

That night, SeokJin returns to the gas station with the excuse that he forgot to fill up earlier. The luxury car arrives with a honk, and NamJoon hurries over to assist. He shakes with anger when the customer drops the money on the ground. “Why aren’t you picking it up? You don’t want it? What’s with that look? Pretty arrogant for a part-timer, aren’t you?” goads the customer. SeokJin intervenes. Whether the player chooses to have him advise NamJoon not to pick it up or to order the customer to pick it up himself, the end result is the same. SeokJin asks the customer, “Why are you harassing a pitiful part-timer?” The customer drives away, and something about NamJoon seems off. His face is expressionless, not mad or humiliated. “SeokJin, you…” He stops. “Never mind. Thank you for your help.” The words sound difficult for him to speak.

SeokJin believes that he has saved NamJoon, although this ending feels sloppy. He continues on in the loop to rescue JungKook and later YoonGi, but uneasiness plagues him. Though he meant to help NamJoon with his actions, SeokJin wonders if he hurt him instead. On 5 May Year 22, he returns to the gas station and follows NamJoon when he leaves work early. NamJoon enters a bookstore, and SeokJin sneaks in after him to watch from afar. He overhears employees talking about NamJoon, worrying that he might dirty the pages of the book he’s perusing. NamJoon is too absorbed in the book to notice one of them calling for his attention. SeokJin recalls a memory from their school days when he found NamJoon reading alone in their classroom hideout: he asked why NamJoon read so diligently, and his friend explained that he found it comforting to empty his thoughts of everything else while focused on the book. In the present, SeokJin wonders how he forgot how much books mean to NamJoon. He sacrifices some of his food and transportation budget to afford them, but they enable him “to endure the weight of the world he’s forced to bear on his shoulders.” After realizing this, SeokJin wants to apologize for carelessly sympathizing with the reality that NamJoon has weathered alone.

The next episode is from NamJoon’s perspective, revealing his excitement over being able to purchase a book for the first time in two months. He wants to buy two but can only afford one. The employee at the register sighs and asks why he leafed through a book he wasn’t going to buy. NamJoon apologizes, and she mutters, “So dirty.” He notices his reflection, clothes worn and smelling of gasoline, and realizes she’s talking about him, not the book. He tries to shake off these depressing thoughts, but he is still not accustomed to this treatment despite experiencing it regularly at work. As NamJoon begins to exit the store, the security alarm goes off. The employees demand to check his bag despite his insistence that he didn’t steal anything. Their certainty of his theft angers him. NamJoon allows them to look through his bag, and they are suspicious of the like-new book in it which he brought from home. One begins to call the police until SeokJin appears, vouching for NamJoon by saying he saw everything. The employees accept that the alarm malfunctioned and excuse their suspicions as a mistake.

Outside, SeokJin asks NamJoon if he is all right. NamJoon is thankful but wonders how SeokJin materialized right when he needed him. “How’d you find me here?” he asks aloud. SeokJin explains that he happened to notice him while walking through the neighborhood. NamJoon wonders if it’s because they said goodbye on a weird note last time. He thanks him and turns to leave. SeokJin calls after him. “I’m sorry. I wanted to apologize. I didn’t mean to upset you that day at the gas station. It was a mistake to have called you pitiful. If my rash actions hurt you, I’m really sorry.” NamJoon accepts his apology, believing it to be sincere, and says that things would have turned out a lot worse if SeokJin had not intervened. Thunder rolls overhead, and NamJoon uses the impending rain as his excuse to depart. He declines SeokJin’s offer of a ride and runs home, feeling his friend’s eyes on him.

Before he can settle down to read at home, NamJoon receives a call from his cheerful mother. She thanks him for paying off the entire hospital bill. NamJoon is perplexed and asks what’s on the receipt, since he didn’t pay it. His mother wants to leave it be, but he insists that they investigate so they don’t get in trouble or sued. She reads that the Songho Foundation is credited as the payer. NamJoon calls the hospital, introducing himself as the guardian for Kim YoungMin, but they can’t transfer him to the administrative department at this time. Disappointed, he looks up the foundation’s website, unable to recall why it sounds familiar. He wonders why a scholarship foundation in the city would get involved with him. Spotting photos of a recent launch ceremony on the site, he recognizes a few people: Songju High School’s principal, the familiar-looking face of the foundation’s chairman, and SeokJin. First, NamJoon forces a laugh, and then it’s difficult for him to breathe. He thinks that SeokJin really had pitied him at that moment. The only thing keeping NamJoon going is the idea of getting through life on his own strength. Why does he have to live like this?

The last episode opens on 5 May back in SeokJin’s perspective. He is confident now that he has saved NamJoon, although it occurs to him that a better alternative may have been to simply pick up the money himself instead of stepping forward. (This decision is enacted in a later loop and depicted in the Euphoria MV.) While reflecting on what comes next to save his other friends, he receives a text from NamJoon. “What’s your account number? I’ll pay you back for the hospital bills. I don’t need your help. I’ll handle my concerns on my own.” Heart sinking, SeokJin wonders how he found out. With a sense of foreboding, he tries calling NamJoon, but no one answers. SeokJin texts him back, pretending that he doesn’t understand, and tells NamJoon to call him. SeokJin’s second attempt connects while he’s gathering his car keys to visit the container. “That’s enough. Just send the account number over text,” NamJoon instructs. SeokJin coaxes him to talk for a moment, and NamJoon asks flatly, “Are you going to apologize again?” SeokJin attempts to salvage the situation, but his friend turns cold when he insists that NamJoon is misunderstanding and that he just wanted to help. “So, why? Why are you helping me?! Yeah, you’re always a good person. You’ve done nothing wrong and I’m the one misunderstanding.” SeokJin apologizes again. NamJoon refuses his request to meet in person. “No, I thought maybe there was a reason for everything you did… But I guess I misconstrued it. I’ll pay you back, so I’d prefer if you stopped contacting me.” Long after the call ends, SeokJin stands holding his phone, feeling that the glass is going to break at any moment. He wants to believe that it’s not over, but hope is slipping through his fingertips.

The episode finishes in NamJoon’s perspective. On 8 May and 9 May, he accepts part-time delivery work and reflects on his three jobs. Whenever he thinks he’s at his breaking point, he focuses on his new goal of returning SeokJin’s money. On 10 May, NamJoon wakes up to his buzzing phone and is called in to work. On a scooter, he passes by a bus stop and notices graffiti. (This is the same bus stop, with matching graffiti, that appears in the Highlight Reel.) Mesmerized, he wonders if it’s TaeHyung’s. As soon as NamJoon looks up, the scooter’s brake fails, and he crashes. The shattered glass on the cold pavement reminds him of the headlight shard and the kid who looked like TaeHyung. (So the piece of glass SeokJin saw in April was really a memento NamJoon retrieved from the scene of the crash in the mountain town, where the delivery boy whom he privately called TaeHyung died. This event is described in NamJoon’s 17 December Year 21 entry in The Notes 1.) NamJoon’s vision grows blurry, and the distant sound of an ambulance doesn’t come any closer.

The arc concludes there, but it obviously marks another reset for SeokJin. It is interesting to note that in this failed loop, NamJoon suffers the same fate that he narrowly avoided in the snowy mountain town before returning to Songju.

Please stay tuned for the next Highlights post featuring JungKook and YoonGi!

#armiesnet #networkbangtan #bangtanarmynet #armysource #dailybangtan #bts universe #hyyh #bangtan universe #bts universe story #bts universe story highlights #seokjin #namjoon #namjin #bts theories

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aftgficrec · 3 years

Note

U have any fix like we destroy everything we need by monochrome_madness? Preferably something unconventional exploring the darker aspect of humanity

haunt--me asked:

Hi!! Your blog has been so helpful to me so I have a fic to recommend!! It is very dark and chaotic and strange, written like poetry with an undercurrent of malevolence running through. Its enchanting how all of the words spin together to craft a spider web of pure poetry and heartache. It explores mental illnesses and the portrayal is perfection. Called "we destroy everything we need" by monochrome_madness

We always welcome fic recs! The fic mentioned really has a unique style - which is great, but consequently this means it is a little harder to find other fics that compare to it. Nevertheless, we’ve done our best to find you some material depicting the darker side of life with more unconventional elements. - S

The following tags might also lead you to fics that suit you:

butcher!Neil

butcher!Andrew

raven!Neil

mental health issues

For your consideration...

find darkness here:

dark academia aus here

deadly class aus here

A Dark Neil here

Raven/Butcher!Neil to Fox here

scary Neil here

‘appendages’ here

‘Ignominy’ here

‘Shinigami’ here

...and add a little more here:

‘dreaming on fire’ series here

‘Adronitis’ series and ’A Soliloquy For Stolen Hearts’ here

‘I’ll make you a crown with rubies of pomegranate’ here

‘skeletons in the water’ here

‘Foxes in Arkham’, ‘Lifelines’ and ‘both hungry and awake’ here

‘The War Behind Your Face; And I'll Express My Inner Rage’ here

‘The Reaper’ and ‘A TALE OF A MARTYR IN XII PARTS’ here

‘(don’t fear) the reaper)’ here

‘Metanoia’ here

we destroy everything we need by monochrome_madness [Rated T, 4580 words, incomplete, last updated Jan 2020]

“There is a halo in Andrew Minyard’s mouth,” Neil purrs, his words laced with poison.

He turns his eyes towards Renee. A fire rages. Her skins sears.

“and the beast within me likes how it burns.”

tw: rape/noncon, tw: nonconsensual drug use, tw: blood, tw: hallucinations, tw: alcoholism, tw: self harm

you say i'm a dreamer, but i'm not the only one series by Idnis [Rated T/M, 65417 words, complete, 2017]

part 1: you say i'm a dreamer, but i'm not the only one. (M, 58259 words)

Neil Josten wouldn’t say his life was very magical.

His dreams on the other hand.

They always seem too real.

And then there's the fact that he finds himself returning to one person's dreams.

tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: nightmares, tw: blood, tw: guns, tw: knives, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: panic attacks

part 2: dreams (T, 5158 words)

A short story from Andrew's point of view. Ties in with 'you say i'm a dreamer, but i'm not the only one'.

tw: blood, tw: implied/referenced torture

The Dream Keeper by minyards (carxies) [Rated M, 13022 words, incomplete, last updated June 2021]

Ever since he could remember, Andrew experienced people’s pasts as they had – from their point of view, for they were not able to process the reality any other way. He touched them and in a dream, his soul joined the rightful one in a stranger’s body. Through their eyes, he had lived a thousand nameless lives. Over the years, he had forgotten not even one of them, his mind storing them like they had been his own.

Then, Kevin introduced him to Neil Josten.

tw: mentions of blood, tw: implied/referenced murder

The Moriyama's Dog by JellyTits_Hoe [Rated E, 16548 words, incomplete, last updated July 2021]

Nathaniel can’t move a muscle and he doesn't even know if he would if he could. He’s in such a petrified state that he could barely even hear his father's words. All he can hear and feel is his heart beating in his chest. Lola giggles so loud Nathaniel knows she did it so he could hear her loud and clear. The screaming stopped a while ago. Nathaniel can’t really point out when. Perhaps it was when he started to go numb all over.

In which Nathaniel Wesninski never escaped and instead became Ichirou Moriyama's personal dog.

tw: blood, tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: depression, tw: hallucinations

Unstitch That Shed-Off Soul by JRaylin441 [Rated M, 10024 words, complete, 2021]

Historically, promises from anyone else have meant about as much as blowing on a forest fire to put it out, but fuck that, actually. Andrew is a machine fueled by spite, but he knows that spite isn’t going to last him very long, not when he can feel exhaustion and anger dragging at every step he takes. Now, he has a promise, and he’s going to keep it like it’s the last thing motivating him to stay alive.

Here is his good thing: a twin brother.

Here is the price: he’s going to kill his mother.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: rape/noncon, tw: self harm, tw: car accidents, tw: panic attacks, tw: dissociation, tw: suicidal ideation, tw: homophobia, tw: withdrawal

A Thousand Lifetimes Over by demesh [Rated T, 51101 words, complete, 2021]

Neil's been having strangely vivid dreams, about him and some blond boy, for months now. He didn't think much of them, until the day he got to Palmetto and saw that very same boy looking right back at him.

Despite having never seen him before, Neil could swear he knew him. And he could tell that boy was keeping something from him.

Whatever it was, Neil was determined to find out. He just wasn't prepared for what it might cost him.

A reincarnation AU.

tw: violence, tw: fire, tw: temporary major character death, tw: nightmares, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: self harm, tw: suicidal ideation

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volfoss · 3 years

Note

ships to rate: bruabba and gyjo? maybe even yasugap if you're up for it

ok ur about to see such a long post its nto even gonna be funny, tldr i love them all

also gonna put a fic i really like for them if ive read one/ a fic idea i wanna write plus maybe ranting, this is not coherent but my spelling isnt too bad

post under cut bc its very long

Bruabba:

my loves my lifes

they r so soft for each other

the fucking rain scene when bruno extends his umbrella

and how bruno is like trying to hold back his emotions post abba dying

in case its not super obvious by the sheer volume of bruabba content i reblog this is one of my otps

ALSO the fucking boat scene where abba pretty much is like yeah ur home bruno

ajdskjghdsgjk

hc that they r meeting up in the afterlife w nara and having a good time (also read a phenomenal fic about it that ill link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33118039 it is emotionally fucking me up days later <3)

dads dads dads but bruno is the caring dad that just gets you and takes care of you in the most gentle way and will sacrifice himself over and over again to see u happy and abba is the sitting in the armchair and u sneak in like 2 minutes past ur curfew ur busted but i was also worried about you

these two men own my whole heart (also my ao3 history i exclusively am reading bruabba and dadbacchio)

i have so so many thoughts toward them like yeah i just love them so much

i will never ever not write them as in love

t4t and bi4bi

every single canon thing about them makes me so soft but i think what makes me softest is just how its so clear that they rely on each other in situations

fanon interpretation rant rq:

but how some ppl really interpret them so ooc that its just like bruno mommy and abba cares about literally none of their kids (explanation on the mommy thing is bc most of things that do that are weird bc they really r treating bruno like a single parent who is raising the gang on his own and thats all when abba is literally there and caring about ppl (ie the purple haze incident w giorno, like he wasnt the most nice in his wording but why else would he be like hi move away from the danger if he didnt care??)

ppl also just tend to not really do the separation between how abba acts around others and how he acts towards bruno and has him being kinda aggressive towards him for literally no reason when they r literally so soft w each other

and also they r both so fucking pretty and i am in love with them both

if i think about them too long i will combust and i am blaming u solely for that one

ship dynamic of savior x savior bc they both really did save each other and i love them sm

fic ideas for them r they both live and leave passione and take their kids w them <3 (gang would crumble but thats not my problem)

ok also another hc that i have for them is that bruno will buy larger sweaters and wear them and give them to abba if hes having a rough time, they have a shared closet imo

10/10 ship

Gyjo:

OK OK OK

FEELINGS ON MAX

these guys r also my beloved but in a depressed x very happy but hiding depression way

the the fuckingn way that gyro ltierally risks everything in the ringo roadagain fight to save jognny

and the way that johnny is literally fucking broken post gyro persiheing and adopts his speech pattern a bit and ugh

I am obsessed w gyjo but i think the funniest crack ship is poly but w diego and they all fucking suffer (fic that sold me on that: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22887796/chapters/54705517)

i cannot find the one fic that i really loved for them but needless to say i am soft w them living and just being together

update i found it: its a modern au and really really sweet! https://archiveofourown.org/works/31821940/chapters/78780595

one day ill actually write the fic idea i had for them which was basically they live and they dont sell the land they got from the sugar mountain arc and johnny wanted to start somewhere fresh anyways and gyro adopts marco and they make a lil log cabin and have a nice rest of their lives

i am a massive sucker for their ship

ALSO how johnny is always laughing at gyros jokes

smth i wish we got more of in canon were those moments where they just chilled and talked and had those kinda interactions

fandom complaining time!! the fucking way that some ppl just really take the gyro funny and johnny submissive trope is like my biggest pet peeve. did they not read sbr?? did they not see the multiple times that johnny has murdery eyes? i think personally its ppl infantilizing him a lot and it makes me really frustrated

ok also a fic that really really fills me desire for a they all live and everyone is happy is this one: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22812394

i love them sm but unfortunately cannot have coherent thoughts about them :(

10/10 ship

Yasugap:

gonna start this out w saying i did mildly speedread through jojolion so i dont have as many big screamy thoughts

BUT!!! them!!!!!

their canon interactions r the cutest thing and even if they werent, id ship it solely to spite joshu

josuke is a million trillion times better for yasuho (not just bc of how joshu is a fucking freak and is absolutely the worst i would run him over with a dump truck)

i really like how they both r so happy around each other but i think my favorite scene w them is when yasuho has to explain to josuke that hes crying and hes just like :') yeah

but they have so so many cute moments and the ending makes them the only couple to make it out of this list

i love how yasuho is just like willing to drop anything to help him and how they help each other out a lot during the whole time (if im remembering right?)

their dynamic is just 2 sweethearts

also love the moment that hes like look away yasuho :) then proceeds to beat a man up

they r canon (as is everyone else sorry <3)

i dont read a lot of part 8 fic since i need to reread it to properly understand the plot post like chapter 65? so i dont have any recs or complaints

BUT i do have a few hcs!!

i think yasuho would get josuke matching phone straps or phone cases

and when they move in together, i think they would raise sugar gliders (or potentially kidnap squirrels from the local park)

i love all of yasuho and josukes interactions but oh man every time that josukes past gets brought up i do start bawling

they both mean the world to me and how their romance is just built on such a clear foundation of trust and care it makes me so soft

they both give off such dog ppl energy tho and i love that for them

ALSO ok the way that yasuho helps josuke w his memory and is always there for him

i will never ever ever get over them

but i think one of my favorite scenes is the one right at the beginning where she gives josuke his name and how that plays into the rest of the story with him discovering his identity but still clinging to the one that she gave him since it was him, he wasnt just kira or josefumi he was josuke

10/10

if i think about them anymore i will start sobbing, the last chapter wrapped every last thing up so well and im so so glad that it did

#vento aureo spoilers #sbr spoilers #jjl spoilers #asks #wholesome mutuals

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dropoutparty · 3 years

Text

ngc ramblings part 3- chapter 5

here we are at part 3!!! sorry this one took so long, i originally was gonna make this post include entropy and extus (along with finally talking about face in depth) but it was so fuckin long that im splitting it into 2 different posts! the next part isnt done yet but im like almost halfway done so it shouldnt be too much longer until its out! also before we get into this one:

tw for: death, animal death, and suicide. pls take care of urself and don't read this if those things are triggering for u <3

ok lets get on with the post

at the start of entropy zach doesnt waste any time getting right to the point. this place is bigger than the other planets so far, and zach says the music this time around is a melody that “started out normal but then got distorted” played by a violin sounding instrument. even tho i do sometimes forget that this is supposed to be a creepypasta im not surprised that he said it made him feel depressed and unnerved lmao. anyways, this planet has all new level types in it!! no reused ones!! ok now this is epic. the bosses this time around are megalon, battra, and mechagodzilla, but itll be a good while before we get to those guys because this chapter is long as hell holy shit?? buckle up babez <33 now, before i get into the meat of things as usual im gonna talk abt the planet name! entropy basically means “a lack of order/predictability or a gradual decline into disorder” and that's very accurate to this part of the story. at this point, red is pissed off and is getting desperate, which means from here on out things are going to be getting more intense and more unstable. this world is the turning point in the overall story, basically.

now with that out of the way, zach first goes to the worlds quiz level as usual! this time something was different. usually, in the quiz levels there would be goofy ass music playin in the bg (specifically the GH1D0RA cheat music, if you wanna like listen to it ig?) but from here on out its been replaced by the music from the games password screen, which zach called creepy earlier on in the pasta. im gonna glaze over the quiz again this time, but when we get to the next planet ill talk about all of the quizzes in depth all at once. basically all you need to know for now abt what happens here is face asks “do you like mothra?” and when zach picks no (after going on a tangent abt how mothra sucks lmao,, bro i swear im good at the game my controllers just messed up /s), face enters bastard mode and goes “TOO BAD!” and boom now zach cant play as anyone but mothra. zach is pissed for now but little does he know this is just going to become an even more epic gamer bc of this,, youll never get better at something if you never try and all that.

after that, zach moves on to the first level type- the forest. immediately zach gets an eerie feeling from this level bc he has some kinda fear involving forests at night (i can think of a reason why but ill have to talk abt that later just to be sure). hes also not feelin great about being forced to play as mothra, so the pressure of it all is def starting to get to him by now. the music in the forest is woodwinds followed by slow, rhythmic drums and chiming bells. must have been some ominous woodwinds and bells bc it made him feel like he was intruding somewhere he shouldnt be (oh rlly?? u dont say,, everything up until now has been fine /s). getting into the level itself, eventually zach comes across some weird deer-like monsters just vibing and scares them away when he gets close. later in the level he finds more of these weird deer along with a sloth-like creature on some of the trees and some raptor dudes killing some of the deer. zach shoots one of the raptors but thats about it. nothing really happened in this level but zach noted that he didnt feel like he was playing a video game, but instead it felt more like he was exploring a forest in another dimension. thats interesting for reasons ill ~get to later~ (yall must be so tired of hearing that by now omg,, i know im tired of saying it at least. i was gonna wait until after replay to talk about things but i severely underestimated how long this whole project would be, so i might make a post for the “more on that later” stuff before i get into replay. let me know what u think i should do).

anyways, the next thing zach checks out is the first tv screen level so far. these levels just play an animation with some music in the background, and theres a different animation per level. this time around the animation is of a kid with a beaver(?) head licking a lollipop and the music is the GH1D0RA music that the quiz levels used to use. the only thing of note here is that zach says he had a shirt that looked just like that when he was a kid. after that, were off to some of the weirdest fuckin levels in this whole thing imo- the hourglass levels. these levels have an entirely brown color palette, with grandfather clocks standing in the background (the level appears to be in like a hallway or something) and various time measuring things floating in the air. the music is the same as the board (ig cosby just didnt feel like thinking of what theme this place would have lol). after a little bit zach was rlly happy to see actual enemies from the normal game show up! these are basically like aircraft, tanks, etc. thats not the main attraction here tho, bc this level has its own unique mechanic! this mechanic is the colored hourglass items you can pick up. there are three of them, a blue one that slows time down and makes enemies from the past appear, a red one that speeds up time and makes enemies from the future appear, and a green one that made the time flow normally and spawned enemies from the normal game. zach found the blue one first, which caused a bunch of prehistoric enemies based on real animals to show up. after that he found a green one and fought normal enemies again, and then he found a red hourglass. the future enemies here look like aliens to me, and zach says that one enemy reminds him of something he saw in a book once. eventually, a special future creature showed up and zach was suddenly in a boss battle! or a mini boss battle? that description is probably more accurate. this guy doesnt have a face, and he can only attack by shooting a beam from his face, it sure does look cool! after zach beat it tho, he was off to the next level type, which is basically a toxic waste dump.

zach called it grungy and inhospitable, with the music being a synth ambient loop that made him feel dizzy while he listened to it. this is important because this is the first instance of the game making zach feel something *physically*, not just psychologically. all of the enemies here are mutated to some degree, with him first seeing green mummies with bird skulls coming out from vats of toxic slutch and a brownish cow skeleton monster with spider legs. later zach comes across a deer from the woods, drinking some toxic slutch (delinchous). zach got close to it to try making it stopped but suddenly some enemies came out of nowhere and scared it into running right off a ledge and into the slutch. rip :pensive:. after that zach found more mutated enemies (i.e some things with tentacles and some other deformed thing with human teeth) before he finally gets to the end of the level, where theres another miniboss waiting for him!! this ones a toxic sludge monster with a whale skull who attacks with a mouth projectile and by charging into you. the monster sank into the slutch and thats all for this level babeyy!

the next level is another forest, but this time its winter! its still at night, but this time zach doesnt feel off put, which he mostly attributes to the music. he describes it as a gentle, calm song that almost sounded romantic. the entire first segment of this level had no enemies in it, but dw this level is interesting i swear. the next segment starts out just as empty as the last one, but this time its silent. that is, until the music from “unforgiving cold” starts playing. yaa you remember that place!! i think i said it was less interesting than i remembered but its interesting again now bc it was foreshadowing these levels!! anyways soon after the music started up, zach started to come across tons of frozen bodies of the deer from earlier. some were mutilated, some werent, but they were all frozen and covered in snow. eventually zach does come across something living though, a sloth creature from earlier! its just vibing when suddenly the winter versions of the raptors from earlier rush in and fuckin obliterate the sloth thing. those things just blindly try killing everything in sight, and even start fighting themselves before zach finally gets to the last part of the level.

now this is where shit starts to get crayzay. this part opens up to a big empty field with a full moon and the nice music from earlier back. despite the nice music tho, zach immediately starts feeling dread and eventually he finds a lake. the lake comes down from the sky and starts to crack like an egg, a humanoid figure curled up in the fetus position dropping into the lake below and the moon halves disintegrated. this spawned the moon beast, the hardest challenge zachs had to deal with so far. after he finally defeats it, the screen goes to black and the name “melissa” is on screen, written in red. after that, the screen then says kys. the word kill then fills up the screen, layering over itself until it forms a picture of reds face. its now that we finally get to hear abt the whole melissa thing (which makes it sound like shes been mentioned in the pasta before this but thats not what i mean lmao). to summarize, zach had a middle school gf named melissa (also bro middle school?? wadda hell) who often went into “episodes” where she would stare off, expressionless, before trembling and putting her face in her hands. she and zach hung out in a field at night a lot but one night she just stared at the moon the whole time before running into traffic and dying.

NOW its finally later!!! were not done with entropy yet, but this is the end of part one of entropy so i wanna just take a little break to talk about things so far. this planet is FULL of symbolism and foreshadowing. to start off, i think a lot of the questions face asks at the beginning foreshadow things that happen. some examples are “is time slipping though your fingers?” which could allude to the time levels, “do you have any regrets?” which i think obviously foreshadows the whole melissa thing, “is it safe to go out at night?” and “do you find it hard to sleep at night?” both follow the same kinda theme, which i think relates to how the melissa incident happened at night, specifically out at night. i dont think the forest levels have anything too important in them, other than to introduce the presence of an innocent, harmless creature that doesnt deserve what happens to it later (aka the deer things) which might symbolize melissa. more evidence for this symbolizing melissa comes from the encounter with the deer in the toxic dump and the winter forest, where in the former zach tries to stop it from hurting itself but is too late, being forced to watch it die, and in the latter the same innocent thing from earlier is found dead close to where the real incident took place. the two big themes to keep in mind here are death and time, more specifically the past. most of the enemies here are either made from bones or kill other enemies, there's a dedicated time level referencing things that zach remembers seeing at one point (aka that one alien zach recognized), the beaver head had the same shirt as child zach did, it all connects to zachs past and the death of melissa. as for the moon beast, its the most obvious reference for reasons ive already explained. i dont really know what the moon cracking open and dropping a curled up human into the lake could mean other than some other thing melissa related, but i *do* think that the fact that the moon beast is the most difficult thing zach has faced so far is symbolic of the fact that the trauma from this event has followed him throughout his entire life, and its something he struggles with daily. it could even be the reason why he said no when face asked if he could sleep easily at night. the moon beast also has some black fur around its neck, which i think is meant to represent a tire track, referencing and/or mocking the way melissa died.

its so cool how this entire part of the story builds up to and foreshadows the bomb it drops at the end of the part, giving people something to look back on. a lot of ppl say that as soon as the melissa stuff gets introduced the story goes down in quality, and i do somewhat agree with that sentiment, especially if they want the story to actually be scary, but i think the direction the story goes from this point on is so unique and cool. it does follow the whole “theres a ghost in the game” troupe (even tho it was probably seen as a spin on that originally) but it doesnt do the same cliches as so many other gaming creepypastas do and it really takes the concept and makes it its own. i just think its neat,,,

anyways im done gushing abt this story, lets get on with part 2 of extus!! basically zach has a fuckin panic attack and, after taking a few minutes to calm himself down when its over, he decides that he has to finish the game now because if he doesnt its just going to haunt him for the rest of his life. zach has now realized that the game is “alive” and can somehow see his thoughts and memories, so understandably hes pretty freaked out by it at this point. when he keeps playing, the first thing he does is check out another tv screen level. this time, the animation is of a fish dude just kinda standing there with his mouth flapping open and closed and the music is the neptune board music from the original game. the only reason i can think of for why this is here is maybe the game is mocking zach for the panic attack he just had (bc when u have a panic attack you feel like you can barely breathe, if ur lucky enough to have never had one before and u dont know) but thats abt it. its probably just a random goofy thing cosby threw in there.

anyways, the next actual level is the first labyrinth level. this time around, its a gold labyrinth specifically. the music in these levels is a slow, ominous drum beat with female vocals occasionally coming in and (basically from here on out) the monster zach plays as is now half the size it used to be. i think this shows how zachs feeling at this point, like this whole thing isnt just being a big strong monster and beating up enemies any more, he feels small and scared and helpless in the face of something potentially dangerous that he doesnt understand maybe his confusion about the game is the reason *why* theres so many labyrinth levels here in the first place. anyways im getting ahead of myself. personally, i think the aesthetic of the gold labyrinth is very similar to the green temples back on trance. while trance had a more circular and soft theme to it's architecture and sculpture, entropys is much more square or rectangle oriented. despite this, i think that the golden mazes at least are another religious kind of building, and the architecture is just different because theyre two different cultures who just happen to worship the same spiritual figure (aka melissa. did i say that earlier? i think i did,, if i didnt well the religions worship melissa, not knowing she's a dead human or anything. probably).

moving on, zach notes how the gold labyrinth would probably have been impossible to navigate as any of the other monsters, so turns out face being an asshole was a blessing in disguise after all huh? anyways this place is full of weird gold monsters, lava/fire traps, and stone faces (both in more of an easter island head style and in the regular feminine headshot weve seen so far). zach comes across two feminine heads, one that is more adult looking and pure gold, and another one that looks much younger and whos eyes have red irises and blue scleras. this statue apparently looks a lot like melissa did on the night she died, so zach leaves it pretty quickly. i *think* this is the first time we see the color blue associated with melissa? if it isnt sorry abt that, its been a couple days since i worked on ngcr so ive forgotten some of the smaller or more subtle things by now. GOD i keep getting side tracked ANYWAYS eventually zach finds a non-gold enemy and sees it get picked up by like an arcade crane claw. hes curious so he follows the claw, only to see the monster be put in a big gold cauldron and walk out the side of it as a gold monster.

gonna be honest, no idea what the hell this could mean. like? theres been no themes of corruption or good things becoming evil so far so this just kinda. exists,, yea idk lol. im not part of like any discord servers or anything so all this theorizing and analysis has just been me, maybe getting some small ideas from like random youtube comments or something, so if something ive said so far has been unanimously disagreed with somewhere i dont know about it. thats also why this isnt really a definitive or comprehensive analysis (even tho im trying to be as comprehensive as i can).

anyways zach finds the exit soon after and hes on to the next level type (there's so fucking many of them ik dont worry weve almost gotten to all of them now), the indigo cliffs. the background of these levels is similar to the blue mountains from trance, but now the moon and clouds from the toxic dump background is also here (and colored indigo to match). the music here is just a deep rumbling noise. the first “enemies” he sees here are just a bunch of multicolored little guys coming out of a hole in the ground and jumping off a cliff. were continuing the death theme yall!! anyways zach continues, flying over some more weird creatures (tho some of them just look like dinosaurs lol) before he sees a bunch more of the multicolored guys out and about but this time theyre getting grabbed by birds!! wadda heel!!! zach comments on how the multicolored dudes seem eager to die and thinks maybe the moon has something to do with it (like melissa dude wat!!!! that's crazy /s). at the end of the level there were some more multicolored dudes just walking into a creatures mouth so zach attacked the thing and killed it and the levels over yay!

now its time for the bosses babeyy!!! first zach fights battra (basically an evil moth kaiju), the music is varans theme. battra starts off in his larvae form, where he basically just fought by running into you and shooting stuff at you. while fighting this form, zach noticed that the game buffed mothra because his gamer skillz were too cringe lmaoo. he beats the larvae form and battra goes into his second form, where hes basically a stronger clone of mothra (misogyny). zach fights battra and has fun doing it (for once,, good for him) and he wins yay! next hes fighting megalon (a big beetle/bug kaiju), whos music was gigans theme. im tired when im writing this so ill just give you zachs description of how he fought: “strong, persistent, but dumb”. after this, zach checks out the last tv screen of entropy. this time, it shows a big buff guy with a sack over his head hit a womans head with a sledgehammer while shes tied to a table or something. the music for it was the password theme. i think this is probably here because red is getting angrier? like this guy is still here after i triggered his ptsd?? what the hell!!!

anyways before we get to the last boss we have one last level type to get through- the shadow labyrinth. at this point, zach starts to feel drained because no shit sherlock you just had a panic attack and youve been playing this game for fuckin several hours at this point of course youre fuckin drained. anyways zach enters the shadow labyrinth, which is a black recolor of the gold labyrinth. the music is “evil ambience” similar to unforgiving colds music but distinctly different apparently. there werent any enemies so zach just kinda wandered for a while until the lights turned off, darkening the whole screen and (secretly) spawning tons of spooky enemies thatll chase and hit mothra in the dark. eventually the lights came back on and zach started scrambling to the exit. when the lights turned back off, zach was able to find one of the melissa looking statues and stood next to it. it warded off the monsters while the lights were off, so zach was safe. i think this shows 2 things: 1) its a little more validation for my “religion in this world worships melissa” theory and 2) it foreshadows the way melissa wants to protect zach at the end of the game. zach beat the shadow labyrinth a lot faster than the gold one so were done with all the stages now!! now theres only the last boss and red and were done with entropy!

the last boss is mechagodzilla, but when zach starts the level, normal godzilla is there instead!! its whatever tho bc soon the disguise is gone and its just pretty much the normal mechagodzilla fight (but now hes got a gay beam). at about half health tho, mechagodzillas sprite breaks into pieces like gezoras did way back on earth and reforms into not-mechagodzilla. even tho it looks uncanny (and the usage of the face statue on the front is probably there to further mock zach bc melissa) zach beats it p easily and now its time for the chase. ba dum ba dum thats the sound of a chase.

as usual tho, before i get to the red chase its time to talk about entropy as a planet!! i think the best way to describe the layout is “a big forest with a toxic waste dump in it takes up half the planet while the other half is a large religious temple/labyrinth with a dangerous underbelly”. there doesnt seem to be any intelligent life there now (its all dead by now probably) but there was at some point at least because imean the huge labyrinth is there dude!!! i dont have much to say for this section tbh bc i feel like i've already said everything i wanted to, so its time for the chase ig!!

basically the chase with red here takes place in a labyrinth level bc of course it does. this labyrinth, however, seems to be made of some kind of organic matter. is it flesh? organs? nondescript viscera? idk but it's pulsating and bloody. also this time red has wings too!! anyways, basically zach avoids red throughout the maze, red breaks through one of the walls with his big alien tongue, and zach gets to the end of the maze. nothing crazy happens at the end of this chapter (i think it was crazy enough as is) so thats the end of that and now its time for the penultimate planet- extus.

#ngc ramblings #nes godzilla creepypasta #godzilla nes creepypasta #godzilla nes

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