#ill go eat yesterdays tacos

[lottafandoms]

Nope! Never forgot you, never will, still have the goofy doodles you have done. Treasure them all the time. And YES GO GET BETTER FOOD AND DRINK YOU HEATHEN! - SplatterLewis

dgvdrfftghbf just promise me you'll never post my old cringe lmao

[pikaflute]

HAI if you have any more oddly specific headcanons u haven't shared about sam and slash or max i would love to hear them

OOOO yes :) ill do both teehee

sam

okay im gonna start with his family cause i wrote some headcanons for them yesterday. he has two sisters who are younger than him. he was really good at taking care of them when he was little because he had to take of a worse child (max) all the time. they tease their big bro about max btw. max joins in. worst fucking husband of the year. they're like 10 years younger than him. their names are sara and sadie. listen the s names are good.

his mom loves him so much. like sam's her little angel. she spoils him rotten when he comes home and max laughs about it and sam tells him to jump off a cliff.

his dad is just like him (autistic). he's a lawyer (user pikaflute always tries to squeeze in lawyers in every media like their life depends on it FUKKKK … why sam’s dad a lawyer all of da sudden) and he's the reason why sam wanted to be a detective. they watched noir films together when sam was young

back to general headcanons now: sam is a gamer. yeah, old pc point and clicks and puzzle games. and arcade games. he's probably secretly really good at newer games but he's rather just relax and take his time and solve shit.

not a morning person. at all. he will not leave the bed until like 10 am and will guzzle a pot of coffee. he just wants to stay in bed. i say let him!

likes to window shop. he will walk around new york with max and when he sees something he likes he will look into the store and will stay there until max has to pull him away.

he can bake. him mom and grandma taught him :). he has max taste his stuff and it just ends up with max eating like 10 cupcakes in like 10 minutes

has like all these figurines of things he knows nothing about. the geek asks him where he got that limited edition collectible miku and sam's like "oh she's just a cute one isn't she?" "sam they made like 100 of these how did you get her" "i found her!"

i'm giving him my greatest struggle: ibs. boys who go through tummy aches are our strongest warriors!

baseball lover. go mets!

max

i know most family headcanons for max give him siblings but. i want to be funny. he's an only child. like he is that kind of asshole (source i'm an only child)

he has two moms. yeah deal with it. lesbianism WIN.

as a kid the only person his moms would let him go play with was sam because max would actually be calm around sam and they wouldn't have to be on high alert for their kid biting someone's head off

he will make accounts to go on forums to argue with people about shit he knows nothing about and is 100% wrong on but will win the argument anyway. he truly has the heart of a poster. he's also banned from most forums and like twitter and facebook

i think he has a bunch of different things he picked up as a hobby. knitting, wood carving, poker (obviously), video games, drawing, pottery, solving puzzles (he sucks at those and asks sam for help), and many more. he can't keep his mind focused, he's gotta do it all!

speaking of video games, he plays violent ones. he likes the blood and gore. it's funny to him. he also plays fighting games online and is extremely toxic to everyone around him. he just like me fr.

he loves spicy food. like he will guzzle spice packets into his open mouth all the time. then he'll get a stomach ache from eating like 15 spicy packets from taco bell

hates hot weather. it makes his fur all puffy and static. he also hates the heat in general, make him irritable (more than usual)

i think he stims a lot. he moves around a lot doing stuff in the games but i think one day sam gets him a fidget toy and max is like oh my god. oh my god sam i could make love to you. and sams like. play with the toy instead jackass. and max does like all the time everyday forever.

hockey lover. go devils!

[blood-loving-leech]

10 + 15 + 20 for the ask game!!

10: favorite food: gonna go with tacos, i could eat them every day for weeks, i love me some authentic mexican tacos they’re SO GOOD also i like blueberries but don’t get them as often :[

15: favorite song: oh that’s hard cuz i like a lot of songs and a lot of different artists but as of yesterday i’ve been really liking “casimir pulaski day” by sufjan steven’s

20: one wish: i think i wish i could go back to when i was younger before everything got hard so i could appreciate the time i had while i had it, that or to not be mentally ill i think things would be considerably easier maybe if i wasn’t so depressed

[fluffytampons]

Day 15 of dieting

Im still losing weight but havent noticed much about me today!! Im eating taco salad for one more day and the only reason as to why its all I've been eating is because me and mom made so much of it- it's actually super good 🤣 I know I cheated yesterday but im telling you im very promising at this point about my diet and this time im getting even more strict. I was just out with my friend (and i dont think i like her anymore -_-;) and just wanted a lil break. Im back to my diet now!!

Tomorrow my plan is to go to the grocery store and get some cod (if i dont add any breading to it of course :3) so that I can learn how to make it. Then the next day after that ill cook some octopus because I have some that are frozen and havent been cooked yet. -w-

[pukeinmyteeth]

╭──────────.★..─╮

Day 6 Alcohol Free

╰─..★.──────────╯

Today I’m on day 6 of alcohol recovery. Though yesterday I did use 💨, the main focus of my journey is to recovery from alcohol use. I don’t know why I still use 💨, when I did yesterday I was convinced my ears were bleeding and I started panicking. I’m not sure if I will go to AA today, as the weather is not good at all, but I believe in myself to stay sober. I am feeling bad about myself. I’m so used to using alcohol as a crutch every time I feel insecure or in any type of mental pain, that I’ve lost the ability to use healthy coping skills to regulate my emotions. I had a binge eating episode last night, and I feel terribly guilty and uncomfortable inside of my skin. Usually I would resort to drinking, but since I’m refraining from alcohol use I’m not sure what to do other than sulk. I’ve started taking my prescribed psychiatric medications again. 5 mg Risperdal, and 60 mg Prozac. Hopefully they kick in within a timely manner. Not like medications have ever really helped with my self image, but I still am optimistic that maybe things will figure theirselves out if I’m medicated and sober. I’ve been drinking a lot of coffee since I stopped drinking. It seems I’ve replaced my excessive alcohol with excessive coffee. I’m fine with it. Today I stayed home from school because I feel ill and upset. Hopefully being locked in my room doesn’t worsen my craving for alcohol. I will be doing some cleaning and working on assignments that are past due. Today I weighed in at a whopping 150.6, which threw me off and made me upset. Not that I wasn’t expecting it after last nights chipotle and Taco Bell binge, but it’s still doesn’t feel any better. Anyways, I should get started on cleaning out the binge room (food everywhere, empty bags of chips in my room). Disgusting.

Todays reflection

Why all this insistence that every A.A. must hit bottom first? The answer is that few people will sincerely try to practice the A.A. program unless they have hit bottom. For practicing A.A.'s remaining eleven Steps means the adoption of attitudes and actions that almost no alcoholic who is still drinking can dream of taking. - Twelve steps and twelve traditions page 24.

[suckitsurveys]

Is it raining right now? It is actually.

Where you live, is it currently daytime or nighttime? It’s early morning.

Do you own any pets? Types? Names? Three kitties: Ramona (tortie), Friday (black cat), Saké (grey and white cat)

What do you do for work? I work at a university and that’s all I will disclose.

What’s the worst illness that you’ve ever had? I haven’t had anything too horrible but the worst has been Strep throat. That shit hurts.

Do you have a few close friends, or many acquaintances? I mean, both?

Do you enjoy reading? If so, what do you like to read? I don’t.

Name a few movies that you’ve enjoyed more than once. Wet Hot American Summer, Clueless, Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion.

What kinds of music do you listen to? A lot of different kinds.

What are some of your favorite foods to eat? Sushi, crab legs, thai food, tacos, potatoes in any form.

What time do you typically go to bed? Between 10 and 11 on work nights.

Do you have your license? Are you able to drive? Yes, and yes.

Where would you like to take a vacation to? I would love to go to Hawaii but I know that’s kind of frowned upon right now. But I do have family there, so it wouldn’t be strictly for “tourism” purposes.

My favorite color is purple…what’s yours? Purple.

How tall are you? 5'2".

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That was short here’s another:

Do you own any drinking glasses with a brand logo on them? I do. I have some with the Cubs logo on them, and ones with the Dr. Pepper logo, and some with the Miller Light logo. I think that’s it, I can’t think of any others.

Have you had any alcoholic drinks within the last week? I haven’t.

What was the last kind or helpful thing that someone else did for you? My husband made me my coffee this morning.

Do you own anything from IKEA? Not anymore.

What fast food restaurants are there in your hometown? All the basic ones and some local ones, too. McDonalds, Taco Bell, Burger King, Wendy’s, KFC, Popeyes, Culvers, Dairy Queen, White Castle, Chipotle, Jimmy Johns, Subway, Quiznos, Potbelly, Portillos, Starbucks, Dunkin, Pizza Hut, Little Caeser’s, Dominos, Papa Johns, Wing Stop. Probably others I’m forgetting.

Is there anyone who often teases or makes fun of you, in a nice way? My husband and close friends tease me a lot, but it’s all good-natured.

Can you recall the last time you had to change a lightbulb in your house? I don’t, Mark usually takes care of that.

What was the last task that you required the use of scissors for? I can’t remember honestly.

As a child, did you ever own any Ladybird books? Nope, I’ve never heard of them.

How about Enid Blyton books? Same.

Look around the room and name any item that’s grey. The stapler on my desk is grey.

Does anyone close to you have their birthday in October? My friend Lolly’s is the 30th! Also my brother in law is the 7th but fuck him.

Do you use any heat powered tools on your hair? Very rarely.

Do you enjoy any old films that are in black & white? Which ones? Yep, a few. I like watching them with my dad. To Kill a Mockingbird is one of my favorites, and some older Hitchcock classics as well. And some Charlie Chaplin and Marx Brothers movies.

What was the last film or TV show you watched, that made you giggle? The Office.

Do you know what any of your close friends did yesterday afternoon? I assume they were all working.

Can you recall the last time you woke up in a bad mood? Why was that? This morning.

What was the last book you finished reading? Oops.

^ How long did it take you finish it? --

Who was the last person to send you a message with a heart emoji? My friend Sarah.

How long have you had the mobile phone that you currently use? A little over 2 years.

Does your hometown have many good bookshops? Yes.

Do you have any specific plans for this evening? As of a few minutes ago, yeah. My sister invited me our to dinner.

[bunnylouisegrimes]

Sick Day (NOS4A2 Drabble)

A/N: Holy shit! I actually wrote something?! Well, unfortunately, this is probably gonna be my only fic for a while since I’m gonna be so busy. But I hope you all enjoy some Charlie fluff! It helped to let my creative muse out amongst my stress! (Also, I own a Totoro like the toy pictured above) ;)

Sick Day

NOS4A2 Drabble

By: Bunny Louise Grimes

That Friday, the stretches of farmland rolled along beside the Wraith as we went for a leisurely drive. The clouds were grey, the spring air was cool, and dew covered the windows. We took a rest outside of a beautiful and abandoned hospital to eat our fries and crack each other up. Nearby, a park sat where Charlie pushed me on the swings. But by the time we decided to head back home and order a pizza, I noticed I was feeling a bit tired. While ordering the pizza, I turned on the TV and flipped through the channels. The only interesting (and scary) thing on was a news segment discussing how a shooter at a restaurant two towns over had threatened to kill people (something like an altercation with his girlfriend who was a waitress perhaps?), and he was still at large.

“Well, that explains the helicopters we’ve been seeing and hearing,” I said.

“Indeed,” Charlie nodded. “We’ll have to be careful tonight and make sure everything is locked up so that he doesn’t try to hide here, especially since this house is the perfect place to hide. Out in the middle of nowhere, miles of forest to run, the mountains... good thing my Wraith has a mind of her own, because if he thinks about hiding there, he’ll be ran over.”

After I ordered the pizzas from my laptop, we went out for another small drive in the grey skies to retrieve them. By then, my tiredness had gotten worse, and I noticed my body had a dull ache. I wrapped myself up in my yellow sweater tighter. Besides that, I was wearing green floral leggings, green socks, and black Mary Janes. It was already a cool afternoon, but it wasn’t this freezing, so why was I so cold? I thanked the fact my hair was done in a pair of long fluffy puppytails held together by my green ribbons so that I had an extra layer of warmth.

“I’m concerned I might be coming down with something,” I told Charlie. “I’m starting to feel real tired, cold, and achy.”

“Well, we’ll see how you feel,” he said. “If you start to feel really sick, we’ll have our answer and we’ll give you medicine.”

After coming home and eating our pizza, my tiredness, alongside my full stomach, overtook me, and I fell asleep. When I woke up from a bizarre dream, I realized how cold, achy, and tired I was. Charlie felt my head and observed that I was feeling very hot. He took into consideration how cold his body temperature was and placed the tympanic thermometer from the bathroom into my ear. I was 100 degrees Fahrenheit on the dot, a definite fever.

He presented me with medicine and he carried me upstairs, where I fell asleep once more. When I woke up from even more odd dreams, my fever had increased to almost 103 degrees. I had developed a headache and chest discomfort. I went to the bathroom due to an odd sensation in my stomach, and I realized what it was once I was done.

“Charlie,” I called weakly to the hallway. “I have diarrhea too!”

“Well, all of this is most unfortunate,” Charlie sighed. “We should call the doctor and he can figure out what’s wrong.”

He got on the landline and contacted the local doctor. I ended up with an appointment that day at three. Charlie helped me change into the clothes I wore yesterday, and he helped me rebraid my hair. When we arrived 30 minutes later, there was only a few other people in the doctor’s office. I was the second person to be called. After a quick checkup and a quick talk with the nurse about my symptoms, the doctor walked in five minutes later and concluded I had the flu.

“Flu season’s in fall and winter,” he said. “It peaks between December and February, but it can run even as late as now. It happens sometimes, someone has it and you just catch it. It’s pesky influenza, you can get it at anytime.” He turned to Charlie. “That elderberry medicine was good thinking. Keep giving her that so it will help her immune system. I also recommend Vitamin C, so orange juice is a good drink idea. Here’s an antiviral prescription.” He gave the paper to Charlie. “I’ll call the pharmacy, you’ll be able to pick it up in a few hours.” He turned back to me. “In the meantime, you just take lots of rest and stay hydrated, especially with your diarrhea. Since your stomach might be upset, you should eat lighter things like crackers.” He chuckled and smiled, saying, “I assume you know all this, however, given you are in the medical field yourself.”

I nodded, laughing as best I could. “I don’t work as a nurse now since moving here, but at anytime, if I do need to work, I think this would be a good place.”

He beamed. “Absolutely! I’m glad you think so! You seem like the person we’d like on board. But you focus on your health first.”

After leaving, Charlie took me home, where I switched into my pajamas and cuddled up with some of my ponies (Razzaroo, Minty, Wysteria, Sweetberry, Cotton Candy, Sunny Daze, Sparkleworks, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Kimono), Kuchi Kopi (who glowed a comforting green), and my stuffed Totoro on the couch.

“I’ll make you some soup,” Charlie said. “You want some Progresso rice soup with Taco Bell sauce?”

“Just like when I was a kid,” I smiled. “Yes. Can you put in A Charming Birthday so I can watch something small for a little bit?”

He put in the pony VHS tape and went into the kitchen. The soup was done and I had adjusted myself on the couch. He also presented me with orange juice in a glass and ice. I ate my soup and drank my OJ carefully while Charlie turned on the news again once the twenty minute short was over. The culprit from yesterday had been caught, so there was no need to worry about him on the loose anymore. Other than that, the news became annoying, so I asked Charlie if we could watch a movie.

“Could we watch My Neighbor Totoro?” I asked.

“What is that?” He looked puzzled.

“It’s one of the movies I brought. It’s from the 80’s, animated, and from Japan.”

He looked at the clock. “Let me get your medicine. I’ll have to get it in about fifteen minutes, and you know it takes ten minutes to get to town. Finish your soup while I’m gone and I’ll make you some hot chocolate upon my return.”

I nodded, changed the channel to Two Broke Girls, and we exchanged a kiss before he left once more. I had finished my soup almost ten minutes later and my stomach felt slightly upset (not the fault of the food, it had to have just been my stomach being in the state it was in). I weakly stumbled upstairs, chills hitting my aching body without my blanket, and did my business in some discomfort. I did my best to clean myself up with painfilled muscles. I felt clean and wrapped up what I needed to do. The lilac smell of the soap and the warm water I was using to clean my hands up smelled and felt refreshingly pleasant on my ill body.

I snuggled with my toys when I returned downstairs and chuckled at Caroline and Max’s antics to get more money until Charlie returned home. I took my medicine (including the elderberry medicine he gave me yesterday) and he made me hot chocolate, alongside a plate of crackers. He put in the Totoro DVD and I anticipated seeing the serene and beautiful world associated with Studio Ghibli movies. I was snuggled up with Charlie and had my head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and gave me a kiss on the forehead.

“Are you feeling any better?” He asked.

“Physically, no, but emotionally, yes.”

“I’ve never seen this movie before. How good is it?”

“Very. It’s comforting, light hearted, and filled with lots of innocence and imagination.”

He smiled. “Hmm, seems like it’s right up my alley. I’m intrigued.” He picked up the case. “What is a Totoro?”

“He’s a forest spirit. He’s a mix between a cat, owl, and raccoon. You’ll like him, he’s a gentle giant.”

We watched the entire movie, the two of us making side comments every now and then, and Charlie loved every minute of it. By the time the famous ending credits serenaded, I was ready for a nap. Charlie turned it to Ghost Adventures reruns. I desperately wanted to stay awake, but I knew by then I couldn’t. I didn’t mind too much because I knew I had all of their episodes on DVD. I warned Charlie I might fall asleep.

“That’s fine,” he said, kissing my forehead. “This is just so you have something you like to lull you to sleep. I might take a nap myself.”

Within minutes, I fell asleep and had vivid dreams inspired by the movie (something about it raining and Totoro roaring and flying in the night sky while I was roaming around a gorgeous forest). When I woke up, I needed water. I went into the kitchen and downed as much as I could. Charlie woke up a few minutes later. I had to go to the bathroom again and Charlie helped me this time.

“I feel very sweaty and gross,” I sighed.

“You want a warm bubble bath?” He asked.

“You’d give me one?”

“Of course.”

I slipped my pajamas off and he filled the clawfoot bathtub with warm water and and sparkly white bubbles. He made it smell like two soaps called Cosmic RainbowBerries and Old Fashioned Flowers. Once again, my cold, achy body felt exposed, but stepping into the soapy water melted it away. The scent was amazing, and his firm and gentle hands cleaning my weak body made me sigh in pure content. He unbraided my hair and I embraced every moment of his nails and fingers working their way through my scalp. All the while, he was softly humming “Put Your Head On My Shoulder.”

Once I was all clean, he wrapped me in a soft towel as quick as he could so I would not freeze while he dealt with the tub. I picked out a long and soft nightgown with strawberries on it and thigh high flowered socks. I wandered back into the bathroom so he could blow dry my hair and rebraid it.

“Why look at you! You smell as clean as a spring flower! Perhaps the first rose in the meadow? Fitting for your name, dear!”

I laughed and hugged him. “I certainly feel like one thanks to you.”

When we returned downstairs, he began making chili for me, and I decided to play some Call of Duty Zombies. I took more medicine before I played and drank more water as I did. After eating it, talking with Charlie about various things, and snuggling up with him while playing, sleepiness took over again. By the time I went down from running out of options and being surrounded by the undead, I was about to fall asleep on Charlie’s lap, controller still in hand.

“I think, my darling, it’s time for you to find a more comfortable place for your head,” he coyly teased. “And as I would consider myself a gentleman first and foremost, I would certainly rather have my lady comfortable in a bed rather than my lap.”

I lifted up and rubbed my eyes. “Ugh, you’re right, my fever might be getting a tiny bit high again because it’s night. Sorry, baby.”

He kissed my cheek. “No, no, it’s quite alright. You are correct your fever might be higher now. Let’s head to bed.”

We turned everything off, I put my ponies (with the exception of a random three of Minty, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash) and Totoro back where they belonged, but I held onto Kuchi Kopi. He carried me to bed as I snuggled with my toys and blanket in his arms. I set my ponies and Kuchi Kopi near the lamp on my side of the bed. I brushed my teeth, went to the bathroom one more time (but not to deal with my stomach, luckily, that would maybe be saved for the morning), cleaned off my glasses, and hopped into bed. Charlie has brought up my glass of water and set it near my lamp as well. He turned off the light and left us with the comforting white hallway light and Kuchi Kopi from beside me. We snuggled into bed under the covers and I held onto him.

“Thank you for taking care of me today and helping me every step of the way,” I kissed him on the cheek.

“Of course, my dear, anything for you. I know you’d do the same for me... well, if I could get sick, but I don’t, hence why I was able to take care of you to the extent I could without fearing exposure. But even if I wasn’t a vampire and could get ill, I’d still take care of you.”

“Awww, sugarpop ,” I kissed him again. “I wouldn’t want you to get sick. I wouldn’t force you to do it. I’m not even forcing you now.”

“I would anyways, and you know this.” He rested his chin on my scalp.

“You are the sweetest man alive, you know that?”

“And you are the sweetest girl alive. Once you are feeling better, would you like to visit the children? I am sure they would love to see their stepmother all healthy and well.”

“I’d love that, and we could make pillow forts, eat cookies and oatmeal, drink hot cocoa and watch Totoro together...” My eyes fluttered just at the thought and my body sunk into his.

“They would love that deeply,” he agreed. “I admit, in some ways, those two little girls in that movie remind me of my own Millie and Lorrie. I think they’d relate to their sisterly bond.”

“Mmmhmmm...” I snuggled closer to him, about to drift off.

“Good night, mignon,” he whispered. “I love you.”

“Good night... I love you too...” I mumbled.

We both fell into deep sleep. It had been a rough two days feeling as ill as I did, and I knew the next few days would be the same, but I had Charlie by my side to help take care of me. And that would make all the difference.

[zumpietoo]

And Onto a Real World Observation

I’ll preface this with I’m a progressive Dem, I grew up, sometimes, very poor (admittedly NYC boho/hippie poor, but it’s still hard), I even sometimes, despite having significant assets, struggle even now....oh and, friendly reminder, most of the poorest states in the US are deep ruby red....

That said:

I’ve noticed (and this is by the many bus rides I take, because I don’t drive), poor people who are disproportionately affected by COVID, also don’t seem to remotely take it seriously.

And this is completely color blind, but since I’m out a bit more than I was (sometimes going to the work office, etc) and have to take a long bus ride through some very low income areas, it has become really obvious. There are people taking off/pulling down their masks the second the driver’s back is turned, completely oblivious to social distancing and, of course, both, coupled with smoking in bus shelters. On top of myself and others.

Yesterday a really dirty, mask-free homeless guy plopped himself super close to me while I was waiting for a bus (he wasn’t)---and started eating Taco Bell and day drinking. I jumped up (sorry I don’t want to die)----and he got pissed off about it.

Granted he might’ve been mentally ill, but again, I see no shortage of people who aren’t. And I was perfectly comfortable with telling him off, too.

And I see even more in Vancouver, WA, or Clackamas, both of which are Republican....

Masks are obtainable for free on buses and from businesses.

Since, clearly, messaging isn’t getting through, LBR, this is why we need a national mask mandate.

Oh and, once again, as women, we’re conditioned to please, be polite and not offend others.....now the time to say, “fuck that”. Was I vaguely uncomfortable that he called me out? Yeah. I also told him why and am glad I didn’t feel any need to be polite about this bullshit

[lostbetweenvampiresandmusic]

Hi, I saw your reblog of sentence starters and I’m interested in reading angst #13 with Star. Thank you.

I hope you like this!💕

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13. I'm worried about you

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The cave was dark when you woke up. The dustiness of the place never really bothered you, but now it felt as if the air was to thick to breathe. You turned around, feeling the place next to you, only to find it empty.

"Star?"

"Morning sleepy head," she smiled, walking towards the bed. She noticed the way you looked, a bit sweaty, tired.. "Are you okay?"

"Just a head ache.. I guess I'll be fine when I go outside."

Star nodded, kissing your forehead softly. "We could go and get some food? The boys have already left, so it's just the two of us."

A small smile appeared on your face. "I like that," you slowly got up, getting dressed, "I'm guessing we walk?"

Star nodded. "Yep."

She held your hand as the two of you walked through the forest towards the boardwalk. Star had noticed that you were acting a bit off. She had noticed that you seemed to hear more things than normally- you had thought someone was walking behind you but in fact it was a small mouse running by. She was worried- what if the boys had wanted to change you as well? She was still half, and even though she loved you, she didn't necessarily wanted to drag you into the mess that's called "half vampire".

"What do you want to eat?" You looked at your girlfriend, leaning your head on her shoulder.

"How about some taco's? We haven't had those in ages."

"Taco's are good," you mumbled, letting her lead you into the diner. You order your food, and ate it, all while chatting away about whatever. When the food was gone, Star suggested going on some rides. You nodded. You still weren't feeling so great, but maybe the calmer rides would do no harm. Star took your hand, smiling as the two of you got on the carousel, teasing each other about being picky about the horses you'd ride.

It was later in the evening, and the loud noises and the lights of the boardwalk made your head spin. "Can we go home?" You asked Star quietly.

"Are you sure you're feeling okay? I'm worried about you baby."

"It's probably something I ate," you tried to give her a reassuring smile, but it came out as a grimace.

Star nodded, still not convinced. She held your hand, looking at you to make sure you were still doing okay as the two of you walked home. Once home, comfortable in the cave, you sunk to the ground, your legs to weak to carry your body anymore.

"Y/N!" Star quickly got to you, feeling your temperature, looking at your eyes, your hands, anything she could to figure out whether or not this was a sign of you changing into a vampire, or you having any other kind of illness.

She lifted you up- still surprising you with her strength - and laid you on your bed. "Just tell me if you drank anything weird or from a fancy bottle -"

"David gave me some wine yesterday, but -"

Star stopped you, kissing your cheek as she looked at you. "I'm so sorry baby..." She got up and got the bottle. "This will make you feel better. You're like me now. I'll tell you everything, I promise. Just- just promise me you'll hear me out, alright?"

You were quiet for a moment, looking at Star. "What's happening to me, Star?" you asked quietly, as she hugged you, trying to give you the comfort you needed.

[littlewalken]

Oct 14

Was right about yesterday being a spoopy day. All three of the DVDs I ordered arrived. Including Snide and Prejudice with commentary.

I like to get the with commentary and behind the scenes version when I can. And not just because the making of Rock and Rule turned out better than the movie its self. Because hiding in a commentary are little gems like “we were doing the scene but I was thinking about tacos”. 

Or that part in Beyond Re-Animator where they marvel that Jeff was able to pick up and swing something over his head. You know what it is if you’ve seen the movie. 

You might as well see it. It lays there like some of Vincent Price’s meh movies but they’re still there and still worth a gander. Especially compared to a lot of the POS movies put out today. 

Gonna ponder havvke’s idea of everything on DS9 is the same but Garak doesn’t lie. I feel some writing coming on but it’s formation time. And I do need to type up a bunch of handwritten notes so my anxiety can just carry around a digital device instead of the fat notebook. 

Not that my anxiety will be going out much in about another month. We as an almost rule spend the time between Feast of Subjugation and The Week That Doesn’t Exist avoiding public spaces aside from getting food and absolutely can’t live without its. 

I know I’ve bought books, movies, and a couple other odds and ends since the plague began but if I had to face 6 weeks of arctic circle shut in I probably could get used to doing it. As long as I had enough supplies. And wasn’t doing it with the Life Ruiner or someone else like that.

Yes, i have gone out (with a mask) to places where I could have been exposed to a deadly disease because it isn’t being somewhere that for the past 72 hours a person who refuses to believe they are mentally ill has been screaming “____” at the top of their lungs. 

They don’t have a video of Kevin hissing that I can find so time for puppies.

Wet with piddles shavings still smell better than other alternatives. And it doesn’t hurt if the puppies eat them. 

Time to day the start

[lokisgame]

Enchanted Forest [8]

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4] [part 5] [part 6] [part 7]

Water washed down her face and hair, breast and back, rinsing off last remnants of the dream, and leaving her with nothing but scraped raw logic and reason. She read too much last night. All the Faeries, gods and spirits filtered through her subconscious, mixed with fresh memories and emotional unease, and created this vision, a figment of her imagination. She never actually met Mulder before she was assigned to work with him, but Quantico was a big place, with agents coming and going all the time, from all places. BSU, VCS, ISU, Mulder worked with all of them, and there was a good chance they passed each other in the hallway, just as she passed thousands of people, every day over the twenty one weeks in training or even later, when she was teaching. Maybe she wondered about it, or maybe they even discussed it, killing time on some long, boring stakeout. It probably did happen.

The house on the other hand, troubled her more, slipping from memory the harder she tried to hold on. All she had left was the feeling of warmth, not just physical, but emotional. Safety of a place of her own.

Wrapped in a warm bathrobe, with a towel piled on top of her head, she sipped coffee and looked around her brightly lit apartment. All light wood and pale blue, pinstriped furniture, books neatly arranged in a bookshelf; this was her home, spacious and comfortable. Yet the feeling of arms around her and the warmth of fire in the hearth, stirred something inside her, that she didn't quite understand. She was happy with her freedom and life in general, was she not?Mulder's words echoed in her head, as if whispered in the darkness.

Dreams are answers to questions we haven't found out how to ask yet.

Waving off the thought, she dressed and locked the doors, thankful, that it was finally Friday.

She was about to take a sip of coffee, when Mulder came in, looking considerably better. Only evidence of his illness was the rare addition of a green scarf to his smile and the usual dark coat, dark suit, bad tie ensemble. "Hi." She said over the mug. "Hi yourself." He crossed the room in four long strides and rounded the desk, presenting her with a paper cup. "What's this?" "Triple, venti, half sweet, non-fat, caramel macchiato." She was smiling before he reached the half-sweet part. "You noticed." Mulder grinned and reached into his coat pocket, producing a small paper bag with a flourish, "and, a cookie." Scully laughed, popping the lid on her drink. "Keep it." "Thanks." It was what she always ordered, when felt like treating herself, including the chocolate chip cookie she got for Mulder. "How are you doing?" "Only slightly used," he said, going back to hang up his coat, "thanks for the soup." "You're welcome." "I owe you lunch," he added, taking her usual chair and accepting the coffee she didn't need anymore. "Coffee's fine." Scully watched him break the cookie in half, so they could share it, also part of the ritual. "What did you mean by Yule, yesterday I didn't have a chance to ask." "Some believe," he explained, reaching out and letting her pick the piece she liked, "that on the night that Christians celebrate as Christmas Eve, Anglo-Saxon and Germanic peoples used to celebrate Mother's Night or Mōdraniht." "An event dedicated to female deities, usually appearing in trios," she said, cookie half way to her mouth, filling in the gaps for him, "like Matres and Matronae." "Or like victims in our case. A pattern appearing often in many religions, not only in Europe, but here I'd focus mostly on the Scandinavian Norns, goddesses of fate." "Wyrd, Verdandi and Skuld, past, present and future." "Exactly," wiping crumbs with the side of his hand, he took a sip of coffee, before continuing. "Some believe, that sacrifices might have occurred during the event, possibly currying favour." "And you think that the dead body was part of some ritual?" Mulder shrugged, noncommittal. They both knew the statistics on murder and the occult. "If you know of any Wicca practitioners that suddenly became vampires, I'm all ears." Scully snorted and bit into the cookie, keeping the dream to herself. "Anyway, these are just loose theories, and since they found only one body this year and that suicide note." "We might have another year, before any new evidence shows up." "Not that I would wish that on anyone, but I guess, yeah." He washed down the rest of the cookie with coffee and smiled. "So, you did anything interesting last night?" "Nothing special," she said, but grinned suddenly, holding up one finger. "What?" Mulder watched her disappear into the backroom for a second, just to come back with another plastic box. "I was going to bring this to you later, but you're here, so." He took the box and opened it, smelling cinnamon and vanilla crust, apple pie. "My mom says hi." Without thinking twice, he drew her closer, sneaking one arm around her waist. "Thanks," he said softly and rested his cheek against her blazer. Scully stroked his hair, as the seconds stretched longer and longer, each one more comfortable than the last. She was growing used to his touch, shape and feeling of his arms. Something was shifting inside her, tipping scales of her inner balance, just a little off to where ever Mulder was. Combing fingers through his hair one last time, she realised they felt soft and silky smooth, exactly like her dream fox's fur.

Having Mulder close, helped Scully focus a little more easily. He sniffled his way through the day with just an occasional cough shaking the office, as he sat by the desk going through books, just as she had the day before. Lunch hour came and went, lost among clicking of keyboards and rustle of pages. Finishing the case report and wrapping some overdue ones as well, Scully felt like she did an honest day's work, and was about to put away a few case files in the cabinet, when Mulder came in, unexpectedly. She never noticed him leave. "Did you know it's snowing again?" He said, combing fingers through damp hair. Looking up, she saw fine, white dust gathering in the corners of the skylights, where wind couldn't blow it out. Mulder pushed a salad it into her hands. "This isn't the lunch I promised, but let's take a break." "Thanks." Scully smiled and took a seat on her side of the desk. "You okay?" She asked, above the crackling of plastic. "Better." Mulder unwrapped his sandwich and bit into it, the scent of bacon hit her from five feet away. "You should eat more vegetables, you know," she admonished. "I see lettuce and tomatoes here," he mumbled, glancing at the sandwich, "those are still vegetables, right?" "You know what I mean." Scully sighed, but his witty reply was cut off by a chirping cellphone. Holding up one finger, he answered the call. "Mulder." Grunting affirmatives, he listened for a moment then scribbled a few words on a post-it. Cryptic, monosyllabic conversations weren't unusual, but something didn't sit right with Scully this time, telling her to add a new item to the list of possible unidentified callers. But he was sick, he shouldn't be working, that would be… "Okay, I'll be there." He finished and hung up, folding the post-it and putting it away with the phone, before going back to his late lunch. Halfway from another bite, he noticed her staring. "What?" "Nothing," Scully looked away, suddenly very interested in proper distribution of low fat dressing, "nothing." "Poker night with the Gunmen," Mulder said casually. Nodding, but unable to force herself to look up, awkwardness welled inside her against all reason. Irrational fears were just that, irrational, but why did she feel like he wasn't perfectly honest this time?

Large tub of ice cream landed in her cart when she did her customary Friday night grocery run. Some said that diamonds were a girl's best friends, but since she was on a mere g-woman's salary, she had to make do with second best. Who said she didn't love herself. She even planned to rent The Exorcist, to make the night perfectly perfect. Mulder had plans and so did she. Her only dilemma was, should she take a bath before or after the movie. She took a good few minutes at the store, trying to decide between another batch of good, old, lavender-vanilla and neroli-bergamot. Something about that sweet, citrus fragrance made her smile and she told herself not to think too much. Not about the bath, the ice cream or the movie, or the fact that she was going home to an empty house, on a snowy Friday evening, when even Mulder had plans. Plans, she wasn't at all suspicious about, plans that involved him, three guys and a deck of cards; probably some tacos as well. All the onions and chilli peppers, she felt beginnings of heartburn just thinking about them. The chilli peppers, not the men. He couldn't be working that other job of his, not with a cold, that would be unsanitary, and unprofessional, and unsexy. Mulder sneezing at someone's… The image made her giggle, and earned her a curious stare from the woman waiting in front of her in the checkout line. No, definitely shouldn't think about Mulder and other women, even like that.

The movie didn't hold her interest, not as it used to anyway. She even turned the volume down low, all the screaming and chanting starting to get on her nerves. The ice cream came and went, while a forgotten bottle of wine she found in the fridge, kept calling her name. White, semi-sweet, light as a feather. Since it was a thank you gift from a neighbour, who's kid got sick and she just happened to be home that evening, she was saving it for some nice dinner occasion. But the longer she thought about it, the more she realised, that she didn't really see that nice dinner happening. Her mother visited rarely, Missy even rarer, actually, when she saw her family, it was at her mother's. Friends moved on, disappearing in the loving arms of families of their own, while she kept working and traveling. Even Mulder, found a way to spice up his life, break out of the routine. It was her, who stayed behind. Was she really the boring one? No, she was most definitely not. She opened the bottle and ran the bath.

Much better. Scully thought, letting the warm water take her in, a glass of wine dangling from her hand in soft candlelight. This felt good, simple and warm, and the wine was indeed divine. She savoured the crispness and breathed in the sweet scent of bath salts, letting her head fall back and her mind wander aimlessly. Surrounded by calm, memories began to float around her head. First came the weight, of his arm around her, then of him in her arms. He didn't try any tricks or dirty moves, utterly undemanding, even when he asked her to lie down beside him, he asked for nothing but the warmth of her body. For all the years of flirting, when it came to the real deal, he was disarmingly honest, blurring the lines just enough to get what he needed, and if she told him no, he would respect that. Not that she would, when he was shivering and looking at her with those eyes, and giving her that cute pout. Mulder was strong, intelligent and capable, but when the lights were out, when they were alone, he was a dreamer, a romantic, chasing romantic ideas no matter how far they would take him. She admired it, respected it, stopped it if she had too, but most of all, she loved it. As aggravating and dangerous it might be, Mulder was a challenge and she loved that about him. But how could she miss that whole other job of his? Why didn't he tell her earlier, apart from the obvious. He said he liked it, that the women cared about him, but why didn't he come to her. Didn't she care enough? She risked her life for him more times that she could count, without even stopping to think about it, but still, he searched for solace in somebody else's arms. What if this was his way to cope, to unwind? What if he was doing it tonight? What if the poker night was just a front, a code, to keep the secret from her all along. The phone stared at her from a shelf above the tub, brought in case someone called. Scully picked it up and stared back, at the keys. She knew the number by heart, didn't even need Mulder's perfect recall for it, and on an impulse, dialled. The phone rang, two, three times… "Lone Gunman," Frohike answered, sounding businesslike as usual. "Hi," she said, realising she was in a tub, naked. "It's Scully, could you turn off the recorder?" "Why hello, Agent Scully," his tone turned into something that supposed to fall under alluring, but could only be considered endearingly embarrassing. "Done as per your request, what else can I do for you?" Uncontrollable urge to cover herself up made her sit up, but she did it very slowly, afraid the sloshing water might give the game up. "Ummm," her cheeks burned. What has come over me? "Is Mulder there?"

On the other side of town, Frohike sighed and poked Mulder's shoulder with a wooden spoon. "It's for you," he said, waiting for him to swallow the bite of taco he just started. "The good doctor." Mulder licked his fingers from the last of salsa and took the phone. "Hey Scully, what's up?" "Hi," she said, voice faltering slightly, "how are you doing?" "Me? I'm fine," he smiled, popping a piece of green pepper into his mouth, "maybe five bucks behind, but I'll get that right back," he had to speak over the boo's and howls of the guys. "Why?" "It's nothing, just checking." "Are you okay, Scully? You didn't catch my cold, did you?" That silenced the Gunmen and good. Mulder could almost swear, he heard water sloshing on her end of the line. "No, no," she said, still a bit odd, "I'm fine." "Okay," he chuckled, definitely water sloshing. "I'm sorry for bothering you, have fun." "Thanks, and just so you know, you never bother me." That at least got a small laugh, she was acting kind of weird tonight. "Okay, goodnight." "Goodnight Scully." He hung up and went back to his food, grinning, under three pairs of curious eyes. Byers piped up first. "Why would Scully catch your cold?" "Not why, how." Langly corrected, when Mulder refused to look up. "You know I don't talk about that stuff." He said quietly. Collective howl shook the entire house that gave The Lone Gunman its' headquarters.

[tempinksailblog]

I’ve been following this blog for a little bit and can I just say I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH!! Seeing all the stories and art you post makes me really happy! Thanks for being awesome!

Gosh thanks!! qwq i wouldve had a prompt done yesterday but!! I wasn't able to go to school and the day kinda dropped from there, so my moods not even been great all day. Ive been kind of lazy as I eat cheezits with my cat úwùIll try to get it out soon! Maybe Monday evening at most? I dunno, but there's one last thing in drafts i should go post-~Mod Taco

[purrfect-health]

Day 9 - 30 day challenge

I woke up this morning with my headache from yesterday still remaining with a vengeance. My fiance told me to rest so I went back to sleep until 11am hoping the headache would go but nope. Heading to migraine city.

At 11:15am I had the rest of yesterday's green juice and a mini soreen banana loaf. I also guzzled a lot of water.

At 1:55pm I had alpro go on high protein soya yogurt, cinnamon granola and blackberries. More water and some pain medication.

I think its unfortunate that I've become ill whilst on this challenge but on the other hand I think this challenge is the best thing for me as I am ill. I've completely fallen in love with healthy eating again. Everything is so flavourful and fresh, I feel good and proud of my food choices and I feel excited thinking about the meals ahead of me. This is definitely good for me as I had gotten into the pattern of not eating forehead and then making the worst food choices as a result.

At 4:15pm I had 4 lentil cakes and hummus.

At 6pm I had a cup of tea made with light sofa milk and 2 sweeteners.

At 7:10pm I had 2 soft shell tacos made with vegan mince, salad and salsa.

At 8pm I had 3 squares of turmeric amd ginger dark chocolate and a cup of tea with light soya milk and 2 sweeteners.

Today I was very poorly with a migraine but still ate healthy and drank 3L of water. Hopefully tomorrow I feel better.

[seokmingming]

Hello I'm very late in replying I apologize ( > -

Part 2/3- Prefect day hmm Probably start out early (after a full nights sleep #unrealisticmuch) and eating a good breakfast (French toast! Crepes! Eggs!), then going out and playing a sport, like volleyball, or swimming or something active. And then having a big lunch, like endless tacos 👌 Then having time to just chill and talk, maybe nap together. Then we’d cook dinner together (my dad’s spaghetti ofc) and then go out dancing!! I love dancing!! After that, come back and cuddle falling asleep

Part 3/3 -and ajdkdjkxjdbsb that’s such a hard choice but I guess I’d probably choose to spend it with Rocky since I picked a lot of active stuff and dancing to do lol And I feel like Rocky would be an a m a z i n g cuddle buddy 👌👌 But so yeah that’s me, what about you?? What would you do? And who with? And, most importantly, what would you eat??? 

It’s okay honestly! Oh no! You were ill? Do you feel better now? Oh yeah, considering you work 3 jobs, I can’t imagine you have much free time. I’m pretty much the same, I spend most of my free time doing something on my laptop, like scrolling through tumblr or watching YouTube. I also make moodboards, I made my first Astro one yesterday, I’m so excited to post it. 

Aww bless, that day sounds so lovely. I think Rocky would love that kinda thing! And I completely agree, he’d be such a good cuddle buddy. Whenever I walk to work I always listen to music, so this morning I had my earphones in my ear only to realise I had no music playing bc I was too busy thinking about Rocky (in relation to your replies and questions) 😂 For some reason I think he’d love to do something like rock climbing, maybe bc he has rock in his name 😂 Also when you mention dancing, are you talking about nightclub dancing or like ballroom, fancy-pants dancing? 

Even tho Rocky’s my bias, I’m actually not a big fan of active stuff, the most active stuff I enjoy is going on a casual work, sitting on a bench or on the swings of in an empty kiddie playground/park and chatting for a while before walking back. So I’m gonna pick Jinjin to spend my day with, he’s slow and I’m pretty slow too. Our day would start after having a lie in, bc I hate waking up early for no reason, but we’d still wake up around a reasonable-ish time, say around 9 or 10am. We could have a traditional English breakfast with eggs, bacon, sausage and waffles. Then we could go out somewhere, let’s say to the cinema and we’d watch some sort of animated movie, we’d have to get a thing of sweet popcorn and a thing of nachos to share. After that we’d walk around for a bit to look inside shops and stuff and we’d go to one of those places that sell food like chocolate covered strawberries or giant soft pretzels with cinnamon sugar on them and we’d eat those and walk around. Or we could go to the zoo/safari park and walk around looking at the animals and stuff. And we’d get lunch there, probably something like fish and chips and  if we’re still hungry we’d get some ice cream or something. We’d end it by going to the gift shop and buying something funny for the other person, Then we’d go home and do our own thing for a little bit bc spending all day with anyone is super tiring no matter who they are. But if I’m feeling social that day, we’d do that but in the same room with each other. And then in the evening, we’d order food, probably pizza and chicken, and we’d sit together and eat and watch netflix or anime. Then we’d play some music and share our new (or old) favourite songs and chat about whatever before going to sleep.

[deeeelightfuldee]

How many cats and dogs have you had as pets in your lifetime? oooo boy. ok lets see. 5 dogs, 9 cats?

Can your mom and/or dad play any instruments, or how about anyone else in your family? My mom doesn’t play anything. My dad is a drummer

Have you ever colored in an adult coloring book as a stress reliever? Yes. I’ve done it this week alone, just to try and calm down a little.

Can you crack crab legs without a tool? i have no idea. I don’t eat crab or anything in the sea for that matter. 

How many light sources are in the room you’re in? ooo good question. umm, eight? lol

What’s your favorite thing to put on bagels? uhhh cream cheese.

Who’s your favorite director? i really don’t know, i don’t follow who directs what.

Bats: cute or gross? i mean, I don’t really care.

What was the last really intense pain you felt? lung pain during this whole nonsense.

Would you rather vacation by a beach or a lake? either. 

How would you feel about traveling abroad alone? I would love to, but I don’t see it happening with the travel restrictions these days.

What is your father's middle name? He doesn’t have one. he’s got a family name and the men who have it do not have a middle name. Where did your last kiss take place? uhhh I believe on my driveway 

Which movie villain do you find the most terrifying? no clue, tbh. none that come to mind

Do you stick your tongue out often in pictures? I don’t think ive ever done that. 

Which one of your family members are you closest to? My mom. one of my brothers and my sister.

Would you rather have name brand shoes or name brand clothes? brand names just don’t matter to me, but if i was forced to choose i guess shoes?

Are you a good liar? no. not at all.

Are you proud of your parents? Im super proud of my mom.

Which is better: orange or grape soda? orange

Was the last thing you ate hot or cold? hot. so yummy.

Who was the last person in your house who isn’t family? uhhhhhhh, idk who was here when I wasn’t in town, but prior to that I would imagine em/nathan

What color was the last swimsuit you wore? green 

Can you remember the last song you listened to? something from the toy story soundtrack lol. I’m binge watching all four today... I am using Kile’s disney+ for as long as he has it. I don’t think he watches it ever, so I imagine it’ll cut off soon.

Have you ever been dumped really harshly? once. it was horrible. every other time I’ve done the break up.

Can you do a back flip, or anything else of that sort? heck’n no. unless im going into a pool maybe.

Do you have any exes you can’t stand anymore? yes

What happened to cause you to feel that way about them? he sexually assaulted me

Are you more of a phone or a computer person? my preference is laptop, 

Do you have a job, and if so, where do you work? not currently.

If not, do you want one? yeah i’d like to have income.

Do any medical afflictions run in your family? yes. a few.

What’s your favorite Mexican dish? pork tacos from mama marias omggggggggggggg.

Have you ever been to a professional sports game? yes. bulls games, bears games

Have you ever ordered a specially made cake from a cake shop? of course.

What months were you and your siblings born in? january, july, august, august

What did you have for dinner last night? nicks.

Do you do anything to groom your eyebrows? absolutely. to keep the shape n such.

Has your town ever flooded? uhhhhh to my knowledge once. it had rained SO heavily for like a week and the local ponds and lakes were over-flowing. a car literally floated down my road. it was so weird.

Have you ever played at the McDonald’s play place? when I was a kiddo yes. not often tho cus I didn’t like the smell, it was always sticky, and there were always bratty kids.

Have you ever taken a picture of snow? only every single day it snows

Do you cry easily? i notoriously do not cry in front of anyone. I am not a crier. when I lost Kile I cried for weeks.

Are you happy with where you live? I love it.

Do people ever mistake you for being a different race? No

Do you hate the last person you kissed? no, i’m not a hateful person

What genre is your favorite movie? drama, romance, kids lol

Who was the last person you were in a car with? Mom. she picked me up from the airport.

Do you like the picture on your license/I.D. card? yes. I always seem to get the nice workers and they help so much.

When was the last time somebody hit on you? yesterday. blegh. 

Was the last person you met a male or female? hmm. Iiiiiii wanna say male. 

What brand is your underwear? I think the pair im wearing is hanes.

What’s your favorite Thanksgiving food? usually green bean casserole.

Do you have a TV in your room? yup. watching TS1 right now.

Are any of your electronics charging right now? my phone. of course it was on 2 percent.

What was the last video game you played? acnh on the switch.

What’s the biggest promise someone’s ever made to you? Did they keep it? that they will be there for me forever and always take care of me. no. 

Google, Bing, or Yahoo? Google.

What was the last song you had on repeat? more by bobby darin

Who is your favorite person to watch on YouTube? froggy fresh

How many college degrees do you want? i have two. I’d like my masters and/or phd

Can you wink? yes but I dont think it looks good lol i have to get better

Do you own any jerseys? I did, I dont know if I have any still

Have you ever tried to snort Pixie Stix as a child, or even an adult? No. i wasn’t a dumb child and i certainly wouldnt do that as an adult

Do you like going to baby showers? Do you go only for the cake? not really no. 

Has there ever been a time in your life, you felt sexually undecided? no. 

Do you think tattoos and piercings are sexy on the opposite sex? im not into piercings on guys. tattoos are fine if they arent trashy

Do people ever ask you to do things they’re too short to accomplish? all the time.

What color are the headphones you have at this moment in time? kind of a creamy taupe-y color

Ever choked severely on something during lunch at your school? no

Do you eat more vegetables or fruits? What’s your favorite fruit/veggie? i probably consume more fruits? but i love both. 

What would you say is the color of your favorite bra? white

Is anyone in your family a firefighter? Who is it anyway? no. sadly

What do you usually buy when you go to the dollar store? i cant even tell you the last time i went to a dollar store.

Ever peed in the pool? Be honest! I would have been murdered lol no i dont do that. it grosses me out.

When you’re older, what kind of house do you want to live in? something on a lot of land, big front porch.

Where do you want to get married? probably a courthouse. maybe outdoors?

Do you plan on having both your parents at your wedding? no. just mom.

What is your favorite childhood TV show? recess

Honestly, do you like school? no. i looooooooooooooooooooooooove it.

Last thing that made you cry? probably dejavu.

Honestly, are you keeping a big secret right now? sort of yes.

Last person you took a walk with? liza, em, dutch, della

Have you ever liked someone who didn’t like you back? i think currently to be honest. 

Who was the last person to actually pick you up in the air? lol either mario or an old friend david

Does any part of your body hurt? yeah. my muscles have been weakening sooooooo bad it is so painful. 

If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a regret what would you do? Million bucks. noooooooooooo question.

Can you keep a secret? Sure.

Your favorite romantic movie? sleepless in seattle probs.

How do you feel about Valentine’s Day? I loved it for the longest timeeeeeeee. i dont think ill love it as much this next year, but maybe by then ill have met someone new who knows.

Who was the last person you took a picture with? uuuuuhhh probably one of my nephews/niece

Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them? Some do, some dont. 

Do you celebrate 420? Nope. verrrrrry much not my thing.

Have you ever kicked a vending machine? i think so lol

How do you eat Oreos? with milk. 

Do you wear your shoes in the house? sometimes. my preference is slippers. we usually wear something on our feet because gram needs to and so does mom.

Would you survive in prison? probably not, tbh. 

Ever been to Georgia? the state, yes. many times. the country? never.

Do you get your hair cut every month? gosh no. my dream is to get my hair done professionally again sometime, but its so daggum expensive.

Current relationship in detail. I am single. i will probably start casually dating soon. 

If you were kicked out of your house, who would you call/go to? i dont even know. I always imagined I’d go to kile. but who knows now.

List things you spend money on in an average week. i can go several weeks without spending.

Rate each of your sexual partners (if any) from 1-10. ooooooohhhhhh, id rather not.

Would you parents be mad if you were in a relationship? i am convinced bill would not give a fig whether or not im in a relationship. mom, however, would probably be EEEEEEEEXXXXXXXXtra cautious now.

Think of the last person you had sex with. Do you think they’ve slept with anyone else since they last slept with you? oh im sure. 

Is there someone that you believe you will always be attached to? yes. even if we don’t talk anymore... theres just always a connection.

What board games are you good at? oooo, i’m very good at board games.

Is there a sport/hobby you keep thinking about taking up, but that you’ve never quite gotten around to starting? quilting. its expensive and im not wanting to get it all cvid-y

Do you think pranks like egging/toilet-papering someone's house are funny or immature? Immature.

Do you think “sleeve tattoos” are a good idea? there are people who can pull it off, but it is notttttttttt my style.

Is there anything in particular that your parents argue about? What? debt bill put my mom in. they don’t speak tho.

Do you ever actually read the “Terms and Services” when you sign up for websites and such? the first couple years. 

If you have a handheld games console (a DS or GameBoy, for example), how often do you use it? I don’t use the switch handheld, despite really wishing i could. the controllers are broken and beyond what I can afford. so I just use the tv dock.

Your phone is ringing. It’s the person you fell hardest for, what do you say? i’d pick it up 1000000000000000% , I just would be so curious what they would say.

If your best friend was kicked out, would your parents let him/her live with you? absolutely.

Are you afraid of falling in love? I am. I don’t ever again want to feel the way ive felt with my two heart breaks. 

Is there anybody you wish you could be with right now? yes, but the feeling is lessening. I responded to him for the first time in... idk how long. thinking he’d be eager to talk and be responsive. he wasn’t. it just pushes me further and further from feeling those feelings.

Have you ever kissed someone & wished you didn’t? no, i dont think so.

Did you get kissed last night? goodness no. 

Do you enjoy going through a carwash? I love it.

How did you get most of your scars? benny. by far.

Ever had to take an inkblot test? I have taken 2. One for a fellow student in a classroom who had to administer it for a project. another time in a psych class the prof asked me to for a demonstration

Have you ever been in trouble for something you honestly didn’t do? yep! the only time ive been grounded.

Have you ever seriously slapped someone in anger? no. I do not get physical in my anger. I withdraw. 

What/who woke you up this morning? Just me.

Who was the last person to be in your bedroom besides you? My mom. dropping off ice water and benny.

What’s one of your locked text messages? I don’t even know if this phone locks messages tbh. I used to do that all the time on my t9 phones.

Have you ever finished a game of Monopoly? I think maybe 1 time.

Is there anyone you know who’s in any way paralyzed? Yes.

The truth all comes out when someone is drunk, true? I wouldn’t say alllllllll, but i do think inhibitions are lowered so it makes it easier

When was the last time you felt disappointed in yourself? messaging kile and realizing he isn’t interested in responding. makes me feel so dumb.

How about feeling disappointed in someone else? something a family member did to me this past week.

For you, do you commonly feel more jealousy or envy? ummm. lately it’s been jealousy. i dont like people taking what was mine. but i’m learning if they had access to it, that likely means that it is best to let it go. so maybe im now leaning towards envy of like beautiful relationships.

Do you rely on the heads/tails flipping of a coin sometimes for decisions? uhhh, not unless its like in a joking, light-hearted manner.

Do you have any specific chores you do around the house? when im not sick... i vacuum, dust, do dishes, wipe counters and table, do laundry of others, disinfect, etc.

For you, does comfort or fashion come first in dressing? I would say 51% comfort and 49% looking nice

Have you had two friends that absolutely hated each other? yes. lots of jealousy due to their feelings toward me.

Do you like Laffy Taffy? No. not my style of candy

Do you prefer electric or manual pencil sharpeners? manual.

Are your biceps at all noticeable? hardly.

Have you ever seen a walrus? absolutely!

Did you ever have one of those Easy Bake ovens as a kid? no. one time moms friends daughter (who was significantly older than me) lent hers to us... but there were no mixes of anything. so I didn’t know what to do with it.

Does your bathroom have a theme to it? nope.

From inside of your house, how many doors lead outside? uhhhhhhhh 3 if you dont include the garage door.

Are there a lot of trees in your yard? i wouldn’t say a lot. I wish.

Have you ever liked someone that treated you like crap? treating me like crap cuts down my interest like immediately.

Have a best friend? meh.

Does it bother you when your best friend does stuff without you? no.

Is there a secret you’ve never told your parents? yes. I dont need to concern them or worry them.

Does anyone hate you? kiles ex(?) i am sure does.

What’s the one thing you regret more than anything? hm. i dont really have any.

Do you remember important dates? yes. almost always.

What’s some lyrics from a song that means a lot to you? “what if we could put the world on hold and finally meet somewhere inside of the world? I would meet you... would you meet me?”

Who gives the best advice? mom

Who do you usually see in your dreams? :) It varies. depends on who I think about.

What type of cake did you last eat? graduation cake. 

How many of your friends are gay or bisexual? I have like 4 casual friends that are, but my closest friends are all straight.

What’s your favorite type of sandwich? buona chicken one. bless it.

When was the last time someone asked you out? Did you accept or decline? tonight. I said maybe once this quarantine business is over.

Do you like The Offspring? I know a couple of songs but I definitely can’t call myself a fan. << same

One pillow or two? 12

Do you like Mad Libs? not really no.

Are you suicidal? no. I mean there are moments where I think wow, i dont want to be here. but not like let me put together a plan.

Where do your grandparents live? my fathers parents were killed by a drunk driver bout ten years ago. My mothers father passed away maybe 12 years ago. My gram is fine and lives in the room down the hall. 

Do you cut yourself? not purposely

What is your pet’s name? benny and lottie.

Have you ever been to Canada? not yet.

Aren’t babies overrated? no, no. theyre expensive af though.

Have a built-in pool in your backyard? i wish more than anything but no.

Ever won yourself a stuffed animal? maybe once or twice. I one time had a guy win me an animal at a carnival and i found that sooooooooooooooooo attractive.

Ever had someone else win you a stuffed animal? woops. yes. lol

Ever been to a circus? i think when i was really little.

Ever shot animals? I have not. i couldn’t. 

Do you consider yourself intelligent? I do. It is something I have some confidence in.

Have you ever run away from home? when my dad was abusive, yes. 

Do you put family first, friends, relationships, school, or something else? faith, family, friends, school, relationships (only cus im not in one)

What’s something you’ve stood up for in the past? my faith.

What’s something you worked extremely hard to get? my degrees and honors.

Are you satisfied with your body image? no. I am honored to have a body that is capable of all that it is.. that has been my “home” all these years. the body that still breathes life every day, thats all incredible. I dislike having the fat that I do, as I worry it could be off putting to others. but then I realize im fine being single, so then my body imagine is fine. its a weird cycle.

Have you ever been labeled negatively or otherwise been called something extremely derogatory? yes. when I worked and a customer didnt like a policy or whatnot.

Have you ever seriously taken advantage of someone or been taken advantage of? never to my knowledge have I taken advantage of someone else seriously. I have been VERY seriously taken advantage of.

Have you ever been seriously ill? trying to get over it now tbh

Have you ever befriended a former enemy? uhhhh, not that I know of. I tend to be friendly to everyone, but I can’t think of a situation where it was an enemy.

If you’re not religious, would you ever pray as a last resort? If you are religious, do you often pray for other people? I do pray for others quite often. it’s important to me. I sometimes will see strangers and immediately start praying over them. I actually almost started my GRE late because I was praying over every person I saw in the room lol.

Have you ever dated someone, then after you dated they came out of the closet or switched (for lack of a better word) sexual orientation? no. not to my knowledge anyway.

Has a boy/girl ever walked a ridiculous distance just to see you? How about vice versa? yes! like 8 miles lol. I have not. 

When was the last time you felt really uncomfortable? this past week.

Is there anything that your mom is really known for as to how she is as a person? shes everyones favorite. shes kind, funny, sarcastic, down-to-earth, warm.

Who have you been talking to the most today? mom lol

Are you nosy? I think it could be perceived as nosy but I love to make people feel ridiculously special. So I will sit and ask questions just to get them talking about themselves. If I recognize the personal questions are not working, I’ll keep it totally light.

What’s the meanest thing you have done to a friend? i really dont know.

If your ex called you crying, what would it most likely be about? if we consider kile an ex, it would probably be that he feels overwhelmed and feels alone because he doesnt have me or his ex anymore. :(

Who was the best kisser out of all the people you have kissed? ooooo thats hard to narrow down.

Have you ever been told that you have an annoying laugh? no. everyone comments on how they love when it turns wheezy.

[i-hope-youre-hopeful]

Oopsy whoopsy, I made a fucky wucky

I have a lot to unpack circling around in my little brain but I don’t feel like I have time for everything. Idk. Let’s see if I can speed run it I guess.

Tuesday was so weird I think my soul left my body for a minute there. I hung out with chase Lomont for the first time in a year and a half and also hung out with Hailey and she told me about her new mentally ill boyfriend who isn’t John and also we hung out with Ellie who used to date Drennan who’s dating Sydney now except no he isn’t because tumultuous relationships are apparently the only kind you have in your twenties. Luckily Ellie didn’t seem to know about Sydney and Drennan so we’re good. Oh and some guy whos dating Ellie and wants to be an architect was there. Incredible. I wish either Ellie had been less likable or that in reality she was less crazy because I actually had a nice time with her and it felt dissonant. The whole night felt dissonant. It was nice and adventurous and interesting but thoroughly strange. We sat in multiple bars and each one was more empty and quiet than the last. I’ve been spending money this week and I feel guilty. I should have stopped. I didn’t need to buy that much food and beverage at all.

Anyway Wednesday was terrifying until I found Heidi amongst the crowd of strangers at Brookside who had come for free ice cream. Then it was a pleasant evening at Taco Bell. All my friend groups are starting to run together. I feel like I don’t deserve all the good people I have in my life. I’m not grateful enough. I’m not special enough to warrant having people around. Why does anyone like me? What if they leave? Don’t say that. Everything just feels strange.

Thursday was bad and then it was good and then it was not great but not terrible. I didn’t sleep all night and then I slept all day and woke up at night with everything just a bit off but my parents and I had giordanos pizza and spent time together which is apparently a thing that we do again now. Who knows for how long. My dad wants my mom to come to counseling and she doesn’t want to, so basically identically what happened years ago but reversed. He has forgiven her even though she isn’t sorry, and I know that won’t last. She has not forgiven him even though she says she has, and that won’t last either. I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’m always either waiting for the other shoe to drop or crying in the corner because a shoe just fell on me. Nevertheless I was able to spend time with my family on Thursday and I was grateful.

I was supposed to hang out with Carissa yesterday but I had to cancel because I was so exhausted I felt sick. I’m always exhausted it seems. At this point I feel strangely guilty if I’m not exhausted, which is insane. I went downtown with Rachel and I had a wonderful time talking and eating and walking around with her. It’s just exactly what I wanted to do. And then I ruined it. I’ve been so lonely and sad and pathetic lately and I was really close to the south side of town and my parents were asleep and Rachel wanted to leave early and it was the perfect opportunity. I saw how Kyle and Rachel were going home together and it made me sad that I will always be going home alone. So I texted shine. I knew it was a horrible idea from the second I did it but everything just fell so nicely into place. But he said he wanted to meet up, but that it would be the last time. He wouldn’t say why. I can’t believe I had the chance to have this end on my terms and now it’s ended on his. I never want to do it again, so it doesn’t matter. But I’m sentimental so I’m sad. That’s exactly the problem, that’s the prime indication that I never should’ve done what I did. I hurt myself. I betrayed myself. I hurt him. He wanted to be hurt, but I still should never have done it. I’m so sorry. I feel so wrought with guilt and grief now, somehow more than I have before. Not only was the thing I did wrong within itself, but I had to lie and manipulate to get there, and I took advantage of someone and willfully undervalued a human person. I undervalued myself. I did not demand the amount of respect that my mind and body deserve. To be so vulnerable with someone should only happen when someone will come and love every little open piece of me they see. It should’ve never been like this, I wasn’t built for something like this. I betrayed my future. I betrayed you. Worst of all I betrayed myself. Rachel said just last night that one of the worst things to do is to betray your own moral compass, and I did it. I broke a promise. Several, in fact. I said I would never do it again and I did and I’m so upset about it that I feel sick. Did I not have enough hurt in me already? Was love and trust and relationship and vulnerability not a touchy enough subject for me as it was? Why would I hurt myself this way? Why would I betray you? I’m so sorry. Now I have to live with more grief and with the anxiety that I physically hurt myself and not just mentally. I wish terribly that I’d never done it. As soon as the night began I just went on autopilot. That’s no excuse.

Please forgive me. Help me to forgive myself. Wash me so that I can be clean again in your presence. I hate this dirt all over me. I’m so sorry to myself. I’m sorry to shine, to my parents, to Kyle and Rachel, and if I am wrong about my future and there is a partner out there for me somewhere, I am even more sorry to them. Most of all I’m sorry to you. I broke a promise and that’s a very serious thing, and I’m so sorry. You only wanted to protect me. I will be different now. I will try, at least. I can’t promise that I won’t do anything stupid again, but I can promise that I’ll try. I know better, so it’s time to do better. Help me move forward.

Future Alyssa: please don’t do this to yourself again. It isn’t worth it. This hurts. It sucks. It’s scary and stressful and leaves you feeling so horribly sad and shameful and defiled. Please forgive yourself and don’t do this again. Nothing is worth this.

I’ve had the same song by Bo Burnham stuck in my head constantly for literally a couple of weeks and I’m actually borderline concerned. Nothing should be rattling around in my brain for that long. I need to find something else to hyperfixate on.