#ill probably change the several frames

[nikysavi]

Im trying to draw an animatic so here's the herb bride chilling

[neocrash1101]

the Noise (Pizza cadres)

This is how I designed Noise.

I thought about a mouse mask, but I thought a fox mask would be nice anyway...

𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄

Brief Profile

He is a framer like Peppino,And he is also a street artist.

He likes to travel in the world of picture frames.

He is active and sociable by nature and very patient.

And he has a reasonable personality.

As a result of his acceptance of a shadow personality, it seems that in the framed world, his original personality is mixed with a cunning and unmannered side.

He has rather long bangs, although they are difficult to see due to his hunting cap.

Basically, he wears an orange hoodie in the framed world.

Noise mask is a yellow fox half-mask with a pattern of curled beard.

The shape of his eyes seems to change often.

He is from the same world as Peppino, but they have never actually met face-to-face until they bump into each other in the main story.

𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄

He became more adaptable to the framed world, but his soul was adversely affected, making him more apathetic in the outside world.

He often smokes cigarettes.

𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄

Noise's masked ability "cunning."

It's the ability to achieve some of the things we want to do. This ability is extremely versatile.

To give some of the examples,

Temporarily enhanced the body, collecting items, unlocking, generating tools by using shadows, putting others to sleep, speaking secrets, etc...

This is... just an enhanced ability because it has been severely eroded, and originally it would probably just... attract items.

His mask is nothing special, but it has enough potential to make him a trickster if he masters his abilities.

𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄

Eroded level = 3.7

The shadow is really encroaching on him to the very edge. He can withstand its erosion because he is aware of the shadow's personality and accepts it after a confrontation.

He is truly terminally ill, so even when he takes off his mask, black tears are constant and sometimes drip from his mouth. and, he also often moans about his mental distress.

𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄 𓐄

back story

He wanders in a world that has become a distorted labyrinth, trying to fix the frames that have gone wrong.

He travels the same way as Peppino, but takes a completely different route than Peppino.

When they do battle... it will be in the form of a mutual encounter.,Faceless comes to check on them and says, "If you show interesting results, I'll lead yours to my place."and would pit the two against each other.

Noise is also interested in Peppino, who does not wear a mask, and tries to test his skills.

He sometimes creates a simple picture frame for a break and temporarily pries open an exit.

However, it is unclear where that exit leads,maybe the exit often leads to other AU.

[talkethtothehandeth]

“Doctor shopping.” Let’s talk about her.

If you’re disabled you’ve probably heard of this before— if you haven’t, or you’re just unfamiliar in general, or an ableist who says this shit, let’s talk about it <3 because the definition has been overtaken and pissed on by more ableist bitches than the ones who demonized addiction within the medical field and caused this term to exist.

So, “doctor shopping” is actually originated from the people who oversee healthcare, which includes any non medical professionals who are involved in the process as well, like big pharma. It’s been defined (in medical related research journals, not just on social media/ the internet), as “a patient consultation with multiple physicians in a short time frame with the explicit intent to deceive them in order to obtain controlled substances.”

However, you hear in the community, from ableist ableds or even ableist disabled people who are like fucking rabid and frothing at the mouth, gnashing their teeth while flipping over the tiniest of pebbles to find “fakers”, (which is usually an AFAB person with multiple conditions that are followed by a slew of symptoms ranging in prevalence and severity, or someone that doesn’t “seem disabled” who becomes a target). So they call it “doctor shopping” when they see chronically ill or disabled people continue to advocate for themselves by going to countless appointments to try to find out what is causing their health to decline. They (ableists) think that by changing providers or continuing to pursue a diagnosis between multiple providers constitutes doctor shopping. It isn’t our desire, and it’s absolutely exhausting and painful when you’re left with no answers.

If I had not gone to the ER multiple times within two months, I would have died. The fluids kept me alive, and the medicine helped. My mom was preparing my dad for my death, and my fiancée was petrified of losing me because my condition continued to declined. But the entire time I was there, I was terrified of asking for medicine because I didn’t want to be labeled a drug seeker, especially because I’ve been open (for my safety) about using marijuana products. I was crying from how bad it was, my blood pressure was in stage two hypertension from the stress on my body.

They said it was, “nothing to worry about” when I saw my nutrition levels were low. My doctor wants a comprehensive metabolic panel because it is something to worry about because my symptoms were severe. And I had to see another doctor, but that facility ignored me for two months while my pcp and I tried working it out with them. They fucked around with my health for two fucking months. So I had to find a different person, and when I went to her she ordered a procedure, which meant a different facility, which means, yet again a different provider. I even had to go to a different hospital at one point for more tests.

Believe me, we don’t want to go to all of these appointments or see all of these doctors because, half of the time, even though there is something wrong with us, they don’t listen. We don’t want to go back and forth and get more medical trauma just for fun or for a silly little made up diagnosis competition bullshit.

People don’t change their doctors because they want to collect diagnoses like Pokémon, people do it because they want to live comfortably, or at the very least suffer less by finding some sort of direction to move towards to better their own health. I was literally preparing to die from medical neglect, because I did my absolute best and still, to this day, don’t have answers. If I hadn’t sought out more providers, I probably wouldn’t have been able to write this post. I’d be dead already.

This desperate desire to cherry pick what someone shares on the internet about their health and literally fucking stalk people on their social media accounts while looking for any sign that someone could potentially be faking their symptoms is, unfortunately, accepted due to disabled people hating themselves, and ableds hating disabled people. It’s that simple, in my mind.

Other peoples’ bodies, disabilities or symptoms are none of your fucking business, and, yes, this includes the things we decide to share. Disabled people share what we want to, and we live in our bodies 24/7. And some of you really need to sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up about how disabled people manage their health care.

I’m not saying there aren’t people who fake conditions, but I am saying that it’s far less than what you choose to believe. You say you want to protect “actually” disabled people by weeding out fakers, when all you’re doing is harming actually disabled people by playing Sick Olympics™️ and accusing them of faking when they’re just trying to seek out life saving treatment— which includes seeing multiple providers to dig deeper for a diagnosis, no matter how rare or outlandish you think it is. You don’t get a medal for harassing disabled people, you’re just a piece of shit.

[cookinguptales]

Excited to see that you watched vampterview! You always have such fun and interesting commentary on stuff. No pressure of course but I'd look forward to any Sarah takes you might have on it 👀

Who knows? Maybe! I'm about to go on a three-week road trip, but we'll see how much time I have!

I'm still digesting a bit, I'll admit, and I really don't know what's already been discussed to death in the fandom. Personally, my academic interests were always really focused on stories, how we tell them, how we internalize them, and how we can't help but put ourselves, our experiences, and our biases into our retellings of them. To be loved is to be changed when memories of us live in the hearts of others, y'know?

So... I'd say that I was really interested in the ways they played with unreliable narrators in the series. How the concept of the sanctity of primary sources was really dismantled. Because they were all primary sources and they were all telling completely different stories! Whether it was due to misremembering, bias, or literal mind control, even the written sources simply could not be trusted.

I remember there was this really formative experience for me was when I was 16 years old and taking summer classes at UChicago. I was studying Egyptology there, which meant I was spending a lot of time at the Institute for the Study of Ancient Cultures (formerly the OI) studying and translating the artifacts there.

I don't remember all the details (though I guess I could probably pin down the particulars if I combed through their collections) but I remember seeing two ancient accounts of the same war written by both sides -- and both accounts claimed victory. And, y'know, whether each side had a different definition of victory or whether someone was just straight-up lying... I mean. It brings up the idea of an unreliable narrator on a massive historical scale.

Sometimes, particularly with older historical events, we're only going to have scattered archaeological fragments that we can piece together. Sometimes we have to do a lot of guessing and detective work to come to any conclusion at all. And historically, we have prioritized written accounts over all other forms of evidence. But, y'know... people lie. Or they misremember. Or they misconstrue. Reconstructing history not just through first-person accounts but by looking at other evidence and questioning those accounts is crucial. And even then, we'll probably never find any objective "truth," if objective truth even exists in a situation like that.

So... like, an unreliable narrator is nothing new in media. But framing it through Daniel, who is a nonfiction writer trying to make sense of all of these different testimonies to construct an actual historical narrative... That made it really interesting to me. It wasn't just all of these different vampires stating their truths. It was Daniel trying to sort through all of the misdirection to find out what actually happened. And the show makes it clear that, while he gets close, he'll probably never know all the details for sure. It simply isn't possible.

So IWTV, to me, was a really interesting look at the impossibility of constructing an objective historical narrative, especially when speaking about very old events with few sources. You have mentally ill vampires who are several decades removed from the events in question, you have contemporaneous (but very biased) journal entries, you have newspaper clippings written by journalists who had very little information, you have artifacts that may (or may not!) confirm certain testimonies...

idk. I guess while I do have thoughts about the characters and their motivations, I was more interested in the way that things were framed and presented in the show. I thought that was really neat.

[elsiebrayisgay]

there is something that feels so insidious to me in the way certain loved ones will wish me well. sometimes it feels like there is an obvious implication that the presumed goal not just of my treatment but of my life is the absolute minimization of symptoms, which is probably fine on the surface. symptoms feel bad, right? so why shouldn't you do everything you can to avoid them and keep all the "normal" function you can?

however, i think there is some implicit ableism that has snuck its way into that framing and is doing a lot of the lifting, it turns out. first, it implies a narrative of the "illness warrior"—life with an illness is often depicted as a struggle against the disease, and to lose your life (in terminal cases, as with cancer) is to "lose your fight." even in non-terminal chronic illness, i believe that framing is still common, at least from those who are not sick around the chronic illness patient, though there are some sick people who identify with that language. for some people, it can be empowering, giving them the strength to be a warrior and get up and fight, but for me, it feels like it puts the severity of my illness in my hands. to be very ill is to lose ground and fight badly. to some extent this is true, in that there are certain factors in my life i can change that will positively or negatively impact my health, but more broadly, this idea feels brutally unfair. if i am in pain because of a weather-triggered migraine, am i to simply get up and move my entire life in time with the seasons to avoid storms? it feels terribly unfair and lays responsibility for my symptoms existing or disabling me at my feet.

secondly, the high valuation of symptom-free—or as close as possible—existence feels to me to be assimilationist with capitalist values of labor. there has been a lot written about intersections and cross-applications between queer and disability theory. comp het translates to similar ideas of comp-abledness, which i think is a large part of what's going on here. i would extend this further to use queer assimilation as a framework for disabled assimilation. in the way that traditional values will lend more legitimacy to a queer couple who are monogamous, who follow established norms of marriage, cohabitation, etc, there is legitimacy to be had for disabled people who support themselves without or with minimal benefits, who are gainfully employed, who "do not let their disability stop them." yet disabled labor is undervalued especially in the laws that allow for disabled workers to be paid under minimum wages and the bleak landscape of legal accommodations being insufficient, difficult to enforce, at an employer's discretion, or all of the above leaving disabled workers in the hands of petty tyrants. disabled people are encouraged to keep working but not protected or treated fairly when they do. i believe this extends beyond work as well—the minimization of symptoms allows for a disabled person to keep their own household and do their own chores without support, and is therefore the valued goal, however unrealistic or difficult. in what i believe is a critically under-read essay, sunny taylor outlines "the right not to work," defending the value of a disabled life which does not fit norms of productivity in the workforce or the home. so i wonder: if there are supports available, why restrict myself from them? if there is a life that does not involve recovery to the norm but rather prioritizes quality of life, isn't that worthwhile? if there is a life without recovery to the norm but rather recovery self-directed towards the activities and functions a patient wants for themself, would that be so bad, even if they are still sick, even if they still need help?

i hope for such a life.

[anony-man]

Some Delphi doctor Pharma thoughts because, well… why not? More specifically, a thought-out explanation for successfully hiding the very, very illegal business of organ harvesting (or cog harvesting, if you’re Pharma). Very, very long, and mainly Pharma-centric. Also TW for mild mentions of gore below (near the end):

It would have been a very, very good question to ask how in the world he’d managed to get into the practice of harvesting cogs for the enemy, but that isn’t exactly the focus here. What it came down to, for the most part, was being stationed at Delphi of all areas. It was a rough place to work, and it had quite the reputation of being the worst of the worst when it came to practitioners AND survival rates. The extra factors were probably due to the fact that an ex-Decepticon and a war frame were both in high ranks of the medical staff (not to mention the awful habit Cybertron’s governors had of actually making sure funds went to keeping heat and lights on in the building), but none of this phased Pharma. When the offer—well, not so much offer as it was threat to end his life and career if he didn’t accept—came up, he wasn’t exactly in a place to decline.

It was easy work, really. All he had to do was stay after hours and harvest cogs from dead patients before they left to be cremated, or buried, or recycled, or… well, whatever their loved ones chose to do. He was practically running the hospital at that point, and no one had ever questioned his authority. Besides, no medical staff outside of himself and Ambulon had ever worked at Delphi for more than a few months tops. Delphi’s hospital was severely understaffed with one or two medical drones patrolling the area outside of himself and Ambulon, but that’s the way Pharma would have had it. After all, it’s what made his awful situation possible.

Besides… If push came to shove, and by some miracle someone found out about his forced ties with the DJD, he could always blame Ambulon. It would be easy enough to frame him, after all. No one would believe him, anyway. Not with his past as an ex ‘Con. Pharma wasn’t much better, being built a war frame despite his work in the medical field, but what choice did he have?

Things were going well, at first. Pharma was averaging at about three to four cogs a month, give or take a few. Despite what outsiders said, Delphi was typically the place where those too far gone came to live their last moments in the peace and comfort medical support was able to offer, so the supply was always steady. That is, it was steady, until Pharma got a rather threatening letter in the mail. The DJD had begun to demand four times what he was averaging, and that number was expected every two weeks.

The first time he took a life with his own hands, Pharma had felt physically ill. He spent the rest of the day locked up in his office, ignoring Ambulon’s pestering concerns with the complaint that he was feeling unwell, which was true, but that he didn’t require support, which was… well, sort of true. He’d barely managed to make it through a ration of energon that evening, and he’d spent most of the night forcing down bottle after bottle of cheap alcoholic drinks. The overwhelming guilt didn’t last long, however, since Pharma knew he couldn’t physically keep it up. He’d have to tough it out, take in a few extra cogs from living patients, and maybe—just maybe—his circumstances would change.

As expected, things most certainly did not change. At least, not for the better. Enter First Aid, who soon became a sort of Achilles heel to Pharma’s process. The new doctor was young and inexperienced, practically fresh out of the academy from what Pharma had heard. For the first few weeks, Pharma was absolutely relentless in his blatant dislike of First Aid, and he took every chance he could get to publicly disapprove or humiliate the young doctor when he could. It felt awful, it really did. But given the very dangerous situation he found himself in, he couldn’t risk having more than one other doctor around the hospital floors.

First Aid wasn’t supposed to have lasted as long as he did. One week became two, which became four, which turned into one month, but still, Pharma relented. He chastised the young medic every chance he could get and occasionally gave crude, condescending remarks about question just how long First Aid would last before he, too, dropped out of the Delphi work force. Would he even remain a doctor, Pharma wondered? Would the stress from his experience at Delphi turn him away from any and all future medical endeavors? He’d hoped it might end that way—not for his sake, but for First Aid’s safety. Still, his nagging coworker who still struggled to turn over a new leaf was also relentless, but in the aspect of helping the new recruit. Before Pharma knew it, Ambulon was taking First Aid under his wing, showing him the ropes. It was infuriating, and it posed a very, very great threat to Pharma’s new business.

Primus, he grew so nervous during that time, so very, very nervous. He shouldn’t have been doing it at all. Everything, all of it—the manipulation, the twisted work, the criticism to both First Aid’s character and his career, it was all so fucked up in the worst way. It was unethical. It was awful, it… it was—ohh fuck. Fuck, what choice did he have? He didn’t have one. He had no choice at all, and this was how things would end. A well-known, well respected medic who’d risen above the hierarchy and racism, only to destroy it all after doing such dirty work for the DJD.

Despite his petty and discreet efforts, First Aid relented. It was nearing six months into the young medic’s employment at Delphi when Pharma realized he needed to do something different, and fast. He had already experienced one too many close calls, what with the nosy little doctor running into him after hours on the wrong floor at the wrong time. Sexual innuendos and workplace relationships had only gotten him so far with Ambulon, and after an awkward interface session in the washracks while bodies lay decomposing in locked bathroom stalls mere feet away, Pharma simply couldn’t take it anymore. Drastic measures had to be taken, unfortunately, and despite the medical oaths he’d sworn to observe and the many, many moral boundaries he’d never wanted to cross, Pharma was no longer against twisting the tables in his own favor.

He started out innocently enough. Aid was a smart one, of course, and Pharma caught the skeptical looks the young medic gave him every time he dared to bring up Delphi’s sketchy past. Despite the visor covering his optics and the mask he wore nearly all the time, it wasn’t hard to gauge First Aid’s reaction, and given a few weeks, Pharma knew it was starting to take a toll on the new medic. It was only when Ambulon had begun to scold him behind closed doors for “scaring” First Aid that Pharma realized he needed to push things up a notch.

He wasn’t a terrible person. Truly, he wasn’t. He never meant for any of it to happen, and he had never intended for First Aid to be affected so deeply or for his own reputation to be tarnished. He’d known his fate was sealed the moment he was given over to the DJD as their own personal provider of anything organ-related, but that didn’t make him a bad person, right? He was only doing his job. He was doing what he had been forced to do. He was still a doctor, a good person. Right? He was still him. He still saved lives, he still helped others, he still held the role and responsibility of being a strong, confident medic. He was a good person, right? Right?

He hadn’t been thinking all that clearly when it had happened. Still, the pieces just so happened to fall into place, and Pharma knew that his secret was sealed for at least a few months. He had been in the process of dragging the most recent body into a storage closet for safe keeping while he dealt with other more impending issues when it had occurred. Of course, shoving a dead corpse into an old closet wasn’t the best course of action, but with his mind starting to crack under the pressure and his options starting to slim, Pharma knew he didn’t have much of a choice.

He could hear the sound of quiet pedesteps entering into the washracks. It was First Aid, he knew, stopping to get cleaned up after a long shift. He always came into the washracks at this time, after every shift. Primus, he did it almost daily. How could Pharma have forgotten? How could he have forgotten?

Never mind that, he supposed. Pharma had waited until First Aid was rifling through his belongings and getting everything unneeded placed into a locker (really, with there only being three bots capable of making it to the washracks, what was the need for the locker?) before making a run for the shower stalls. He had thrown the body over one shoulder as he headed there, and as expected, it made quite the sound. Instead of hearing a bout of silence to follow the sudden interruption of First Aid’s prep-work, he was instead met with a small, startled gasp from the young medic. He paused in the middle of pulling the curtain shut and waited, just in case his cover was to be blown. He would hate to do it, but if he needed to take out one of his fellow medics—

“Is someone out there?” First Aid had called out, the anxiety practically dripping from his voice.

If Pharma hadn’t been so busy with not getting caught carrying a corpse around, he would’ve felt a little bad for the poor doctor’s frazzled nerves. Still, a job had to be done, and a job was what he was going to do. Pharma laid the corpse down onto the shower stall and, after quietly drawing the curtains back to hide it, made his way towards the exit. He managed to escape without running into First Aid, which would end up being a blessed accident for him in the next ten minutes.

Pharma was nearly halfway to his office when he heard it. A guttural, blood-curdling scream that sent a chill racing down his spine. He knew what had happened, of course, but the sound—Primus, the sound, the palpable horror and fear in the air as First Aid screamed—it would stick with him for a very, very long time. It didn’t take long before Ambulon was rushing down the hallway, a mixed look of confusion and concern plastered across his face as though First Aid—a disposable, inexperienced waste of space on their hospital’s floor—could have actually meant anything to him.

Pharma turned around quickly enough to see First Aid bursting out of the washracks, his entire frame rattling with choked sobs that even Pharma could see the plating shift and grind from such a long distance. He couldn’t quite make out the words—not that the poor medic was saying anything legible, but still—from where he stood, but from the way First Aid all but collapsed against Ambulon’s front, wailing about a “dead body” and the poor soul he’d just checked on so and so minutes ago and the guilt he felt, oh the guilt. What could have he done differently? Was it his fault? Was he to blame? God, why couldn’t he stop crying? He couldn’t breathe, Ambulon, he couldn’t breathe—

It ended up being too much to bear, too much to witness. Pharma slipped past with a distant pat to Ambulon’s shoulder and muttered something about giving First Aid a little something to take the edge off before he headed in to “take a look.” Of course, Pharma took the chance to properly dispose of the body so that nothing else could be said about the standalone incident, and when Ambulon had come in sometime later and informed him that First Aid was in the medibay sleeping off some heavy sedatives, Pharma was more than willing to show him the now-empty and pristine shower stalls. Every one of them, too, not just the one that had just so happened to inhabit the… the victim.

It didn’t come as much of a surprise when, a week later, there was a new medic among their ranks. First Aid had hardly even gone to the third floor—the floor where the incident had occured—at all during the week, and he had barely managed to keep himself moving throughout the normal shift changes. At first, Pharma expected him to drop out of the hospital staff like all of the other medics before him, but no. Instead, he was treated to a new recruit.

Ratchet was his name, Pharma recalls. Ratchet, Ambulon’s acquaintance, First Aid’s temporary mentor, and Pharma’s mortal enemy. Well, mortal enemy and secret obsession. If there was one thing Pharma had become good at during his many months spent harvesting the cogs of helpless victims, it was casting illusions. Though he had taken a deep, almost toxic, interest in Ratchet, Pharma knew he was more than capable of keeping up the charades.

[s0lar-ch3ri]

i make a new theory post on a frog (psoilers ahead)

with theories such as felipe is evil and/or working with niklaus:

(post from aethlingg, his post can be found here! note: after research they no longer do jrwi content but rather qsmp content [specifically q!bbh and q!forever from what i noticed! theyre still very cool so go follow him [heres to hoping ik how he/they pronouns works btw])

(post from redcloverf3y, their post can be found here! i cannot find if they still do post jrwi and just talk about other fandoms rn, but nonetheless go follow them!)

(post from razberrypuck, its post can be found here! they def are still into jrwi from their lil bio and shit, but theres also others things they post, like q!charlie [or qsmp in general] and stuff, follow it too!)

to theories of what demon actually got felipe:

(post by pulchrasilva, their post [correct the pronouns if im wrong, i couldnt find anything on the blog] can be found here! considering how five or so minutes ago they made a jrwi post, they def still talk about it, as well as other things, go follow them!)

to even some on felipe BEING niklaus (which i reblogged and stuff):

(post is from aethlingg again, this one can be found here! for once i cant get a full image because its a long one but ill be talking bout my tags on it too)

theres been 2 posts on how felipe wasnt the culprit (heres one by wrinklemcdinkle) (heres another by ralexsol) ive seen, so im throwing my own theory into the mix: the demon is kuba kenta and kk (or mr. kenta) has relations to both niklaus hendrix AND the compass. lets get into it!

lets start with the tags i wanted to use (i found they werent actually on the felipe is nk post, but rather on the second felipe is being framed post i linked)! theres a couple details here i mention but why do i say kuba in particular?

the only person who could actually have something against gillion straight up is jayson ferin, mainly cause he got stabbed by him twice, but jayson isnt a demon! you know who is a demon though? kuba kenta. so for jayson, mr kenta was the perfect way.

as for felipe's escape, the rope was burnt, correct? who has fire powers again? mr ferin. when felipe was being investigated or whatever, kuba contacted jayson and he got him out of there, leaving there be reason to assume felipe was dragged to hell.

yes i do think felipe was controlled by kuba to hurt gillion, it plugs up some plot holes thats for sure. so how would felipe been target if he only pulled the card the next day? because felipe probably was a target since he was born.

its important to point out the compass not only having effects like kk's scratches do (give nightmares, cause physical reactions/changes, etc), but a similar color pattern to both niklaus and felipe. (pointed out by several people before me, like aethlingg in his actual essay about evil felipe working with niklaus shown above) another interesting detail is the nk tattoo is used with a moon attached, felipe's choice of goddess to worship. he immediately finds a friendship with chip when about 4 eps ago, niklaus had been given a stick by chip (important cause of how it was harder to spy on niklaus since the stick was in his room and stuff before, i think itd also add in an idea of "greater connection with the person" and stuff). i could go on and on abotu their connections.

lets get back to the connection of niklaus and kuba. how would they even have met? probably something like chip did for his deal. as the quote above shows (found from the post by redcloverf3y, heres another link to it), people who have that desire for their goals will find him, not those who look for it. why would kuba need to strike a deal with desire daddy? because how else would he be able to use felipe. theres no way the curse would change the free will of felipe (it didnt do that for chip or gillion), so if he wants felipe to be a better puppet, he needs something to interfer with that. niklaus and kuba cut that deal, and felipe doesnt lose that curse on him, well to the others. kuba wouldnt have been able to give felipe the nightmares, anytime we see him hes with the three, so someone would have seen him get scratched! even if he got scratched in the couple months before they met him (cause felipe was six months old, not a couple days), the scars dont fade, rather theres the black ooze to them that burns, making it not a forgetable thing.

speaking of that, lets move onto the daggers situation. why the fuck would a tour guide have such dangerous daggers, poisonous ones to be exact (i heard it had poison effects somewhere, but sadly cannot find any info about that)? felipe has no need for poison daggers! he literally can spit acid! that means its only being used for its forgetfulness, which doesnt make too much sense to me since its not like being stabbed isnt just something you remember but theres the fucking pain of it too (example being, when i was younger and we were in the car getting ready to leave some place, there was this like tightness on my foot and i look at the door and [because it was one of those automatic doors and shit] it was closing on my foot. i didnt remember getting my foot in there and i still dont know how it happened, i do remember though how much of a bitch the pain was. not close to the pain of stabbing im sure, but you still remember the pain even without the memory of how it got there). that leaves one last usage: actually stabbing. again, hes a tour guide, he has no reason to need to stab people, no reason he should have a dagger that damaging, let along access to one like it. you know what has good weapons, ones with magic and shit? the navy. hell, theyre building a mechicanical leviathin! they of course have magic weapons for combat and such. and being a vice admiral, kk would have access to all of them. he gets a dagger for felipe, uses his deal to make sure felipe does whats needed, there.

so why would pulling the card get kuba as his enemy? its the magic of the cards! why would felipe hate gill? why would gillion dissappear only able to be brought back by powerful magic (whole can of worms for niklaus's abilities btw, needed to point that out)? the cards! theres also how felipe did reveal what his plans with gill were gonna be, but its probably just the cards.

i do also think the compass is related to kenta cause of their abilities being matched and it kinda fits him, a man driven even beyond the grave to reach a goal, even if that goal is only known by him...but this is long enough!

i hope i fed someones wants and if theres any contradiciting (or even more proving) evidence, lmk and ill try to counter it, bye and ill see you probably in a writing thing ive been putting off since this morning to write this

[quill-of-thoth]

Letters from Watson, Catching Up

The Musgrave Ritual part 1 and 2: The fun bits

- Sometime in the decade between Study in Scarlet (1880-1881) and the frame story for The Musgrave Ritual, Holmes’ household habits have changed. During Study, he’s trying very hard to be the ideal roommate, now he keeps his correspondence stabbed to the mantel and has shot some new decorations into their wall. Based on the fact that The Sign of The Four, which we may or may not skip, was published in 1890, Watson and Holmes are (probably) not living together full time at the time of this story’s publication. Most likely Watson wrote this story several years before it’s publication in The Strand (probable: this was the eighteenth Holmes short story published, and The Strand had only started publishing them in 1891). - On the other hand, a change in Holmes’ household habits and Watson moving in briefly to help could correlate with a rough time for Holmes in his canonical battles with depression and drugs. I’ll likely have more conclusions about this possible event as we analyze all the other cases published during this period. 

- The framing device for Gloria Scott and the framing device for Musgrave are both Holmes and Watson kicking around the (disastrous) living room on a winter evening. Possibly the two tales were related to Watson within a very short period, one where Watson needed some ready fodder for his monthly submission to The Strand.  - Holmes lived near the British Museum when he was first trying to start a career. No conclusions here, I just think it’s a good idea if you’re going to impulsively study anything that seems relevant.  - Musgrave is yet another classmate with a limited social circle. Not as lonely as Victor Trevor, but seen as a bit stuck up (or shy: Holmes is seeing the best in his old classmates) during their school days. He’s doing all right socially (and economically via the family’s fortune) right now but he still approaches Holmes when things start to look a little scandalous within his household. - Musgrave’s first reaction to seeing somebody wandering the house at night, as an insomniac in a house with about twelve other people living in it, is to think “It must be a burglar!” and grab an antique axe. You really have to wonder what he would have done if it was one of the maids making a cup of tea or a footman borrowing a book instead of his butler snooping in a locked cabinet of family documents.  - Snooping through your employer’s documents in the middle of the night isn’t great but employment for servants during this period was pretty precarious. Because of letters of recommendation and servants at a country house generally being local people with very few other grand country houses nearby to apply for jobs at, you could definitely have your livelihood destroyed over a minor mistake or misunderstanding with your employer. Even if, like Musgrave and Brunton, you’ve watched your current employer grow up.

- On the other hand, Victorian nobility appears to have understood that human beings get sick and should generally recover instead of going to work during that time. I can’t quite tell if Rachel Howells is supposed to have been ill for the whole month after Brunton jilted her, and “brain fever” covers a lot of potential diagnoses (depression? Anxiety? Unrelated illness that happens to coincide and isn’t immediately obvious as something else?) - Generally speaking I’m not going to get into the internal racism / classism notes on people coming from formerly independent countries within the United Kingdom, especially when compared with an English Lord. I don’t have the expertise or the time. Just note that Rachel Howells having an “excitable Welsh Temperament” is supposed to be a clue. - The Musgrave Ritual scavenger Hunt Guide. I have always loved this scavenger hunt guide and I used to attempt to make similar ones and try to force my neighbors to solve them. It did not go well, overall, and I might have been bad at it.   - Victorians, lacking chemical analysis for their historical papers, (at least, chemical analysis that wouldn’t destroy the whole thing) dated them by spelling trends. - Hurlstone Manor does not appear to be a real place. (West Sussex, however, is.) The oldest homes in West Sussex that I can google appear to date to the Elizabethan era (1558-1603), some time before the reign of King Charles from 1625 to 1649. Obviously if “Musgrave’s” name was altered to prevent embarrassment, the name of his family’s seat would be as well.  - This story tricked me, at age twelve, into thinking that trigonometry would be fun.

[grahamcarmen]

You know, sometimes I think about how carmen and gray staying away is actually a great lesson that sometimes some things just don't work and you just have to live with it, but then I think about how talking it out would also be a great lesson that sometimes even the stuff that was inconceiveable to you mignt work if you tried hard enough also cause it works narratively and I'm always gonna choose the latter but interesting to think about.

As someone kinda cynical i probably would have accepted the first one a lot more if they cut gray after the pilot. (Derogatory)😒

Carmen lost her bestie from VILE. Sucks but it happens. She's got new and true ones...ill..allow it. Cowards.😒

But I heavily lean towards the latter too because! Of episode 6 and how Carmen as she gets a stronger support system only continues to prove that losing gray is niggling at her heart because him being there in a way or form matters to her still and accepting that he's VILE and she's not hasn't helped at all.

Accepting in her mind that carmen would hurt his new chance didn't make her happy

Accepting he wouldn't come back didn't sever those feelings when she said goodbye

Finally calling him a traitor and ending her attachment to him as finitely as one could was traumatic

Staying away is a reality shes had to accept a lot now and her distressful reaction just gets worse every time. None of those are nice framings

And on Gray's side " a league of your own" going from a supportive phrase to one of him using it as separation in the pilot and ending the series still feeling that separation like she doesn't even like him pisses me off 😭

Hes also been living with that *truth* and ...ughhhh its not what they want.

That resignation is part of whats hurting them and its been there since the beginning and they want to escape it [enough to make some WILD choices]

And maybe not talk [lol they talk a lot] but allowing their care to affect and change the other would be best cause they're at their best when they admit they wanna care about each other

He.hehehehehe he gave up everything he cared about for her...hehehehehe she likes him enough to look at a second chance like 🥺

It can't happen [yet👀] because forget saying wrong is right and being used as a placeholder is wack

But I COULD somewhat reconcile that grays nature has him smiling in his very last frame. Even if there was no reconnection, he still held on to her memory and is on her side now at least even apart. It didn't work out...he'll live.

And maybe she can live forever with ACME or whoever just telling her she didn't kill him and he's cool now.

But-

No. Meet each other again and kiss kiss fall in love. the moment he sadly goes " she doesn't need me complicating her life " my heels kick in on thinking his arc isn't quite done because that is an idea about himself he hasn't broken and can't if he pretends that statement is true. She didn't need him she wanted him. And thus yeah she needs him.

Youre right the ending as is can have its value its just.

If it ends with the same conclusion they started with...well... 😒well! I'm a little too biased to pretend I'm ok with the former.

[atargetedindividual101]

Letter About My Stalkers

Hello. I’m writing this letter because I’m being stalked and LIED about by a super crazy and dangerous cyber gang of people named Mary Cummins, Jeannie dusetzina, Robin Jasinski and Nathan Sokol... They got me off my Adderall that I did beautifully on. They gives me disinformation & slander on a v2k voice network and I believe it, therefore taking advantage of my sweet nature. The cybergang is an organized stalker and obsessed stalker of many, who seems obviously mentally & obviously very mentally ill.

The word evil is fitting, because nothing this group says is true & they lie so fantastically & the. Group belongs in jail & one day someone is going to put them there. They especially lies on a V2k and RCA.

Their entire mission seems to be to get someone to very big trouble, trying to ruin lives & s they have been succeeded in causing real damage to people’s lives.

The story is harrowing of what They has been doing to me & my family. My family has a changed personality because of them. They’ve become more strict and frugal, won’t take me anywhere. I lost all my friends because of the stalkers. Mary Cummins and Jeannie Dusetzina began to stalk me 8 years ago, telling everyone that I was dangerous ( she is obsessed with calling people that. It’s her excuse for bullying and stalking them)

I have now uncovered more stories of the group trying to ruin lives.

They gets off on power tripping. They are a real predator, a molester online, & finds out what they can about a person & fakes their thoughts & posts dirty comments about them (see the Minecraft server at 1800-Minecraft)& runs many V2k & voice networks & thought networks & silent sound networks.

This is very serious-always protect me from the cyber gang a who is a pathological liar, the biggest bully I have ever come across, & they are the most evil person I have ever come across in my entire life.

Their M.O. is to stalk then to say that that person she is stalking is stalking and harassing them. It’s all a ruse to make people pay attention to them. They have to have attention 24/7 , They will get it by causing trouble for a person then blaming it on someone else, framing them, setting them up, then they comes in and starts to play with everyone’s heads, until everyone is fighting and no one knows who to believe anymore. And The cyber gang always has good covers. Then they talks about it on a V2k or rca, as if she’s the god who has all the always has good covers. Then they talks about it on a V2k or rca, as if they are the god who has all the answers. It’s so creepy, especially the voices that Mary Cummins and Jeannie Dusetzina Dish out.. It’s so in another world. It’s something out of a movie. Mary Cummins outsmarts everyone-she could probably even outsmart Dr. Phil. She tells a lie every time she talks, it’s unbelievable to listen to her insane voices -none of what she says is ever the truth. Please protect me from this crazy, crazy woman.

Jeannie Dusetzina and Mary Cummins are a very real hackers and have destroyed my iPad and iPhone 6 and have made it so I can’t log into several accounts. I can’t even begin to tell you all the crazy things that Jeannie has done to my life, but she does them, then makes false claims that I am doing this stuff to others. It’s the most frightening thing I have ever been through, other than having a serious mental illness of course. Being stalked has affected my mental health so much, it’s hard to believe that I was a professional warm line worker at one .

Thanks for reading and please don’t be afraid to leave comments.

[andmaybegayer]

Last Monday of the Week 2022-10-03

Several parts for a project got lost in the mail and if I don't blow up a motor doing something ill-advised with transistors soon I'm going to become the Joker.

Listening: I went to see the Ndlovu Youth Choir, a youth music group out of Limpopo who became extremely well known after they got on America's Got Talent a few years ago. Great style, they do a wide array of different styles and songs over a pretty wide time period, here's two songs:

Reading: Mostly scraps of SCP stuff, but a bad week for reading

Watching: Finished Arcane. God damn. Yes I know it's been like a year since that came out shut up.

It's so good. The animation is beautiful, it's so carefully considered, there's so few shortcuts taken. There's a scene where Jayce throws up on the bridge and it's a really close shot that sells the physicality of vomiting so well, it's messy and unpleasant. Another studio might have cut to a really long silhouette shot for that kind of thing. The Ekko/Jinx fight might be one of the best fights in the show. Even basic conversations have thoughtful blocking and framing, very little simple shot/reverse, there's always a focus on body parts and movements.

It's very predictable, which is probably because it's very character driven and the characters don't change much, you could write a comprehensive study of most characters on a post-it. There's a few major pivotal moments and twists for a few characters which are huge, but for the most part you can just run what you know about them forward to predict what happens next. Even having no knowledge of LoL you can guess that the Firelighters are led by Ekko in like zero seconds.

Jinx and Jayce are the main sources of unpredictability but that's because she's Da Joker Baby and paranoid and has psychosis, and he's a very smart boy who doesn't know what he's doing so the moment someone suggests any kind of solution to him he immediately does it without thinking.

Every single characters' design slaps. They did not make the mistake of trying to be sensible. Why is the cop uniform kind of demure but hot in a sexy maid kind of way? How does Jinx maintain twin braids longer than she is while also being on fire some of the time? How does Ekko fight with all that stuff on? These are not questions to ask. The question to ask is how fucking cool does this look and the answer is very.

The levels of tragedy are off the charts. Every second episode there's an opportunity for things to be resolved and for peace to succeed and everyone to talk and it doesn't happen ever.

Viktor and Jayce should have fucked at some point if only to make the breakup even worse.

Playing: Brought my desktop's storage back online so I have somewhere to put games again, but I haven't actually done much with it. Fortunately since I moved to Arch again my Proton is more stable, I got Ace Combat working under Linux.

Making: weekend making time was lost to a number of minor emergencies, but I did have to pop a door off its hinges because the lock completely failed which was fun. Unfortunately it was the door to the toolshed so I had to scrabble together the tools to do said pin popping from whatever tools I keep in my desk.

Tools and Equipment: Treating a minor injury in the family so here's a reminder to check your first aid kits, I had to run out and grab a bunch of non-absorbing gauze because we were all out.

I'm currently in the process of stocking a more severe trauma care kit for the family because my dad is on anti-clotting and blood thinning medication for a while which makes all his wounds one level of severity worse, so also learn how to use Chest Seals and Tourniquets, there's good online resources but you can probably also find a Stop The Bleed training course near you, it's a big international programme.

[canmom]

been ill, but today i’m less ill than yesterday so i could watch a bunch of Gundam Iron Blooded Orphans instead of just lying in bed feeling rubbish. here are some scattered comments on IBO.

this show is compelling! it feels like a post-Psycho Pass Gundam, but equally I could say it’s got a lot of Last Exile devices in it. the more I learn about UC gundam, the more I can see how it’s riffing on the devices of the main series - the privileged Earth class, the Char clone who appears starting in the second cour. at the time of writing this post i’ve watched up through s1e19.

I have this inclination to call it a grimdark spin that’s about the idea of realpolitik, but then that’s kind of just normal Gundam territory; however there is a special level of brutality to the way fights are portrayed, the ‘human debris’ concept is a very cool cynical spin on Newtypes, the general tone of the series is an atmosphere of thoroughly normalised violence. yet that’s not to say it’s just some kind of 40k style ‘no good guys, revel in the violence’ thing; much to the contrary the thrust of it (so far) is about sustaining some sort of revolutionary aspiration in a very hostile world, and a group of determined young people getting chewed up by the attempt to change things. I’m pretty invested in seeing how it turns out (probably not well, it’s Gundam after all).

the setting is well-realised; you have some classic sci-fi concepts like ‘earth as core and space colonies as periphery’, but equally some fun novel ones like space yakuza; and it does a convincing job of selling its wide suite of factions.

and, to compare with G-witch, since they’re both Gundams riffing on the imagery and concepts of UC Gundam. the GUND-ARM of G-Witch and the Alaya-Vijnana System of IBO are both presented as destructive surgical techniques which allow greater integration with the mecha at a severe physical cost to the pilot. functionally it’s a way of having a ‘special pilot who’s better at flying’ type of character like the Newtypes, but if the Newtypes represented a thwarted hope of a kind of 70s new age ideal recuperated by militarism, the Alaya-Vijnana and GUND-ARM represent a much more direct and ruthless kind of exploitation of children by adults.

as animation it’s... well, it’s complicated. it’s certainly full of ambitious layouts (characters floating around in zero-g at weird angles) and the designs are charming, and there’s a lot of nicely varied acting in how the different character interactions are portrayed: Orga’s slightly brittle coolness, Mikazuki’s emotionally disconnected obliviousness and almost mechanical violence, Kudelia’s naivete, Fumitan’s stoic caring, etc. etc.. but it definitely suffers in the composite. it’s got that kind of 2010s feeling of too much contrast, low resolution douga and noticeable digital textures. there’s also a handful of quite noticeable cuts where I can only assume the animation directors were too pressed for time properly oversee it and faces kind of melt.

as for the mecha animation... again, it’s a story of overall cool direction, but melting a bit in the details. Sunrise are rightly known as the last bastion of 2D mecha animation, but these are some ridiculously complex designs they’re handling, and it’s easy for the silhouette and overall pose to get a bit lost in all the high contrast shadows and small details. this is further confused by the use of a kind of clouds texture in the shadows, which I just don’t understand at all honestly! that said, a glance at Sakugabooru suggests there’s some really cool stuff to come.

one thing I notice framing through it like this is how often you get really drastic changes from frame to frame, that I’m surprised it wasn’t necessary to inbetween, but it looks decent in motion just by carrying it through in a consistent direction. ‘how much you can get away with’ is something that continually surprises me in animation. It’s too late and I don’t have the energy to do a detailed breakdown, but maybe worth looking into.

anyway, they seem to have improved on a lot on these fronts (compositing and colour direction especially) in G-witch. but I definitely need to watch more Gundam from the late 80s and 90s, since I really enjoyed the very grounded mech animation in War in the Pocket and 08th MS Team, and I really want to build up the context to find out what all the fuss is about with Char’s Counterattack haha...

that’s probably enough to say, I will save up more for when I’ve seen the entire arc of this.

[zerofoursix]

<- Jan? Feb? 2019 ---- Dec 2022 ->

FOR REAL my last post of the year aha, I just want to say that comparing these two pics is wild to me, and very interesting (and kinda emotional). Kinda stream of consciousness below, wanna post before midnight, no beta we die like men.

The one on the left was the second...? thing I drew on my new iPad after straight up not drawing for 5 years. Art school both kicked me down with an unfair critique by a revered professor, prompting me to completely change to an art style I couldn't wrap my head around just to appeal to art school professor sensibilities more, only to be told by the same prof senior year that his fav students were the ones who use the style he said he hated in my freshman year.

Between that breaking my spirit, being soul-deep burned out, and experiencing the start of serious physical and mental illness, the second I graduated I stopped drawing. I doodled small things while talking on the phone, but I can probably count the number of sketchbook sketches I did over the next 5 years on one hand.

So when I got the iPad and pencil and realized I could draw in a way that came most natural to me instead of feeling pressure to appeal to someone.... you can see it's still kinda rough, not where I was at the start of college style-wise, stiff from being out of practice, colors don't Vibe, it took me several days to do what I used to do in a single sitting, etc.... but it's still one of my favorite things I've drawn during this personal drawing era of mine.

And then, four years later, I didn't set out to do a redraw but there are a lot of similarities in the framing and effects and expressions... and it's made me realize that, even as I've dipped in and out of hiatus these four years, I've continued to unlearn the worst bits from art school, remember the best bits and tricks, and take in / learn from more inspirational media. Despite the hurdles, I've improved in so many ways and to a huge degree.

I've kept feeling like my art was stagnant, and that contributed to the hiatuses, but in reality I've been passively improving in ways I couldn't see. And that makes me so hopeful.

I really look forward to trying lots of new things in the coming year. One of my resolutions is to learn the painting brushes in procreate so I can do portraits and landscapes again without the risk of chalk pastel dust ruining my week. ;; I want to do so much, and I think with these art parties and study / work / task streams I'm attending, I'll have a lot of opportunities to continue to improve!

Thank you to everyone for their patience over these four years and the several years prior, I look forward to being more open, posting more, and maybe showing progress videos...? That's something I plan to look into soon :))))

Happy new yuri y'all! <3

[casspurrjoybell-29]

Forging Ties - Chapter 13 - Part 2

*Warning Adult Content*

You said you helped someone else who was attacked by a vampire. Who was that?" Miriam asked.

"Duran," Skye said.

"Ah. I don't think I know them."

"He was with a group of travellers from the south," Skye said.

"They said they came from The Spire."

"The Spire? Really? They're a long way from home if that's true."

"That's what they said. They're trying to catch a boat back."

"They won't have much luck with that," Miriam said.

"Ships don't pass that way. The currents are too difficult to navigate to be worth the trip."

"Hmm," Skye said, his attention wandering.

He wondered if Miriam would let him sleep in her bed through the day.

Maybe he'd just go lay down and see if she stopped him.

"Though I have to say, I'm curious," Miriam said.

"It's probably been about forty years since we've made contact down there. Can you go and get your new friends for me?"

Skye nodded and headed back outside.

After inquiring with several people at the docks, Hamish learned that there were no ships that travelled to The Spire or its vicinity.

He was just about to turn and head back to the inn where he had left the others when he collided with Skye, who had been standing directly behind him.

Despite his slender frame and graceful movements, Skye felt surprisingly solid.

Hamish grinned at him.

"Oh, hey there. I thought you were done with us."

"Me too," Skye replied as he took hold of Hamish's hand and led him away.

"We're holding hands now, are we?" Hamish asked with a hint of amusement.

Skye didn't respond but Hamish didn't mind.

He found Skye to be an odd character but there didn't seem to be any ill will in him.

Skye stopped in front of a bright red building and fished a key out of his pocket before unlocking the door.

As he yawned, Hamish caught a glimpse of his small, pointed teeth and long canines.

Skye led the way up a long ramp and into a large, dimly-lit room.

On one side was a living area with a bed, table and chairs and a kitchen area.

On the other side, the space had been converted into an office, complete with a desk and shelves stacked with books and papers.

A thickset woman in a wheelchair with dark hair shaved stubble-short looked up from behind the desk and offered Hamish a friendly smile.

She had a blanket draped over her lap but when she wheeled out to face him, the end of a thick, flat tail, like that of some sort of marine mammal, peeked out from beneath the bottom of the blanket.

"It's more useful in the water," she said, noticing Hamish's gaze.

"You're one of Skye's friends from The Spire, right?"

"Hamish," he introduced himself, holding out his hand for her to shake.

"Yes, I'm from The Spire."

"Miriam," she said, shaking his hand.

"I heard you're trying to get back home."

"Trying being the operative word," Hamish said.

"I've been told it's not accessible by boat."

"How did you end up here in the first place?"

"Oh, you know," Hamish waved a dismissive hand.

"Some sort of magical bullshit."

"Ah. And I take it not the kind where you can just do it again and get back?"

"Unfortunately not. Don't get me wrong, this has been a fantastic adventure but not being able to get home at all isn't something that sits well with any of us."

"I understand," Miriam said.

"I run trade ships, though not to The Spire. How are things down there? Any news?"

"Well, we did have a major confrontation with the large human settlement recently and somehow it ended in talks about peace and ending slavery for the mages in their community. I think that counts as pretty big news."

Miriam's eyes widened.

"If that's true, if it really works out... it changes a lot of things."

"The truth is, I am human," Hamish admitted.

"I've been living outside of their territory for a couple of years now but that was where I was born. It's a complicated situation but I believe change is happening."

"I'd like to help you but my ship is a trade vessel," Miriam said.

"To even attempt that route, you'd need something lighter and more manoeuvrable. I'm not sure I'll be able to help you but stick around town for now. I might be able to make something happen."

[lifeinpoetry]

I’m genuinely annoyed with this scheduling conflict with my therapist and it’s set off other points of contention. 

I was supposed to have 12-ish sessions with a therapist at a time where it works with my chaotic sleep schedule. We decided on 2pm since it works whether I stay up two days or go to sleep at 5am. Not sure what happened and am sure it was an honest mistake but only 3 sessions were scheduled and then my time slot was somehow given away. Now I am expected to do future visits at a different day & time every week, all but one of them in the morning. It is not a schedule at all. 

I have no problem pushing back therapy until that therapist has that time slot available again and am willing to just get a referral if it’s too difficult but I’m not going to do something that does not work for me being clear during therapy and does not work for me as a neurodivergent person who needs some sort of frame of reference to mentally prepare for therapy, have my ‘homework’ done, and actually make sure I make it to the session. It’s online but still.

Then I started thinking to her being like, I’m not sure that’s illegal in re: to my disclosing the medical (?) trauma that caused me to opt of going to psych wards forever. & being like, it’s good you don’t need them anymore. I don’t fight with therapists, instead I shut down, but what the actual fuck. Was that some sort of code for psych patients don’t have rights or the usual HCWs covering for other HCWs (full disclosure: both my parents work/worked as HCWs). Considering the fact that the hospital employing the nurse asked me if I wanted to press charges it was very fucking illegal so my disclosing what happened wasn’t supposed to elicit, I’m sorry it made you feel bad but let me cast doubt on your calm certainty that your rights were violated.

I also didn’t know how to say that not everyone experiences the hospital as trauma. I remember a psych I saw at the hospital telling my parents the psych ward was a place I went to recharge from all the shit going on at home, it was a place that felt safer than home. Which probably does not make sense to most people, even neurodivergent ones. That does not mean that every hospital stay was free of bad experiences with either staff or other people on the ward but it was better than home when I was at rock bottom. What happened in early 2016 changed that and I’ve not been back since but I don’t think it means I am magically improved, it simply means psych wards are not a safe place anymore.

Just another thing. Her mentioning that neurodivergence is a lot more accepted in general. I was like, anxiety and depression, yes, not so much schizophrenia/schizoaffective. She contradicted me so I dropped it. 

There have been a few recent books told by people with schizophrenia/schizoaffective but most of the memoirs are by the family or SO of a schizophrenic, complete with ableism and exploitation. It’s mostly a story told by others and I’m a kid of a mentally ill parent so not saying people don’t have a right to their life story but some of the memoirs are clearly mining a severely mentally ill family member for content. Some of these are even award winning so are elevated by neurotypical people. 

Mainstream society does not love schizophrenics and clearly wants the unhoused ones to disappear. Most news reports on schizophrenics are about crime, acts of violence, or re: unhoused people ‘ruining’ cities. I’m not sure if I’m missing something but I don’t feel accepted by general society, especially since the entire premise of the search for the schizophrenia gene was eugenics. I am pro-choice, btw, but let’s be clear, its people feeling schizophrenic lives aren’t worth living.

I really needed to type this out and vent that I have a really difficult time pushing back on anything in therapy and I am not willing to have the most chaotic therapy schedule/non schedule because of this.

[prolifeproliberty]

You’re going to start seeing stories like this for your area. They’re running the same freaking narrative they did last year.

Things you need to know:

- ICU bed numbers are not fixed. Hospitals move beds and equipment around to meet their needs.

- Most importantly, hospitals want to be as close to capacity as possible at all times. If beds are empty, the hospital is wasting resources and missing out on potential revenue.

This means that in normal, pre-pandemic times ICU beds might be 95-98% full. Not because there’s a lot of very sick people, but because the hospital is trying to use their resources as efficiently as possible.

They make decisions about resource allocation based on historical data for different times of the year. Hospitals get more injuries during the summer and allocate their resources to be prepared for those patients.

Last year they ran these same stories, and we found out that hospitals could simply create more ICU beds when needed by moving equipment around.

COVID hospitalizations and deaths are DOWN from where they were last year because:

- Many people have immunity from recovering from COVID last year.

- The vaccine may be preventing people from getting severe symptoms (especially for older, more at risk people)

- We now know about other preventative measures and therapeutics for those who do get sick.

- Changes in how COVID cases are diagnosed may mean that people who would have been counted as COVID patients last year are now being diagnosed with pneumonia or other illnesses.

And yet, they will still run headlines that make it sound like we’re right back where we were in April of 2020.

Pay attention to headlines and narratives that focus on percentages (98% of ICU beds are full, 97% of hospitalized COVID patients are unvaccinated, etc) without giving you the raw data in context.

For instance, they say “97% of hospitalized COVID patients are unvaccinated” without showing you the graph of how far down hospitalizations are. The actual total number of sick people is way down, but they want you to be scared anyway.

Also, the article briefly mentions a nurse shortage that appears to have nothing to do with COVID and probably has more to do with the general labor shortages hitting many industries. If you don’t have to work long difficult overnight shifts where you’re on your feet for hours on end, would you do it anyway? Some would, some would rather take government benefits or rely on a spouse’s income and stay home. Not to mention that many nurses may have quit or been suspended/fired if their employers tried to force them to get vaccinated when they didn’t want to.

But the article doesn’t give you any of that. They just say the hospitals are overwhelmed and then briefly mention the most significant detail, the nursing shortage, as if it was incidental.

tl;dr: the media is still lying to you by twisting data and using framing to make things seem worse than they are. If you didn’t learn media literacy in 2020, it’s time to get on that before they try to do it all over again.