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maplecornia · 3 years

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chapter 7

𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔱: 2.04K

𝔰𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶: You watched them from the sidelines ever since you were a young teenage girl. Now you’re grown up, they’ve returned after 2 long years and everything has changed. What happens when you pull back the mask and find the darkness within? What happens when you see that they’re broken?

𝔞/𝔫: so yeah, i've decided to start uploading every day for this story until i'm caught up with the chapters i have. i'll tell you guys when i'll go back to posting once a week.

tags:@kookaine |@fangirl125reader |@kookiebbyxx |@taradevonne

You almost faint in disbelief.

It's him, it's him.

Jeon Jungkook.

That's his face, those are his eyes, and that is his body.

Real, and right in front of you.

Heart pounding in your chest, you find yourself unable to breathe, your chest constricting and your mind going blank. You're faintly aware of the towel crinkling in your hands, and your feet propelling you backward, away from him. If he notices, he doesn't show it, seeming almost as frozen as you are.

You would know him anywhere.

The golden maknae of BTS, the one who’s made you laugh over and over multiple times before, the one who's good at everything, the sweet and handsome Jeon Jungkook.

Even after all these years, he still looks the same.

As he looks up at you, his hair falls in strands across his forehead. It's his natural color, a deep midnight black, with brown undertones. It looks as though he tried to do it in the morning, but a little too much dance practice has destroyed his efforts. There’s a slight sheen of sweat on his skin, complimenting the smooth soft complexion and making him shine as though he were a drop of moonlight befallen on the earth.

As he blinks, long feathery eyelashes cast small shadows on his cheeks, complementing the dark brown color of his irises. He opens his mouth to speak, but no words form, the same curve to his lips making it seem as though he were smiling even the tiniest bit your way. In the back of your mind, you recall how those lips would spread whenever he smiled, transforming his sweet face into one similar to that of a bunny.

As he moves even the slightest bit, your gaze travels to his jaw and you swallow hard.

Even his body is the same.

He's still tall and strong, sure and trained muscle rippling beneath his slight build. The coffee has even helped in this aspect, his shirt sticking to his chest and accenting his toned pectorals and sculpted abs beneath. You can see it in the muscle of his thighs, showing through his jeans, and the strong structure of his forearm. It even shows in the veins on his hands.

He looks the same as the day he left with the rest of BTS, leaving you behind.

At the thought, you sadly look away.

You had forgotten those days, forgotten the emptiness you felt in their absence.

You had forgotten about them for a while.

Perhaps that's the worst part.

What are you going to do?

You just bumped into Jeon Jungkook, probably the most beloved and adored member of BTS. Spilled his coffee all over him with not so much as a drop falling on you, and then proceeded to gawk at him.

You can't get all starry-eyed over an idol.

Especially not now.

Inwardly, you remind yourself that he’s just another person. He's just another human being, just someone else who lives on the same planet as you do.

Yeah, he's just another globally renowned person.

Half of the world's population is either in love with him or wanting to be like him.

Not to mention he's incredibly talented, with a great personality and heart of gold.

Nothing to worry about.

Glancing up at him, you can see he seems to have forgotten about you and is currently trying to rub the coffee stains off with the edge of his sleeve.

Smiling softly, you remember the towel you had retrieved moments ago and look towards him, swallowing hard.

“Mr. Jeon Jungkook?” your voice is soft, almost inaudible, and you silently curse yourself. Seriously, how much further are you going to embarrass yourself? Nevertheless, it draws his attention and he immediately looks up. At the sight of his eyes on you once more, your heart skips a beat.

“Here, you might need this.” Noticing the towel in your hands, he takes it from you, your fingers brushing against each other for a split second.

Almost as soon as he takes it from you, you snatch your hand back, trying to ignore the rapid beating of your heart and the faint blush rising in your cheeks. He smiles at you, politely, before nodding his head and murmuring what you think is a thank you, but you can't tell.

Looking away, you spy the mess on the floor.

Eyes widening, you immediately drop to your knees, pulling out another towel and starting to clean up the marble tile. It’s the least you can do after making a mess such as this. As you scrub up the floor, you can hear people whispering behind you and are faintly aware of a janitor in the far corner gazing at you in amazement.

You don't care, this is keeping your mind off of him.

This is distracting you from reality, at least for a moment.

But Jungkook has other plans.

You don't notice it when he pauses from cleaning his shirt and stares at you on the floor. Nor when he kneels and peers at you almost curiously. You don't even notice as he waves away a few staff members who inquire if he’s okay, or if he needs any help. You don't spy the faint smile playing on his lips as you dutifully clean up your mess.

Nor do you see when he takes the towel you gave him and cleans the floor beside you, setting the empty coffee cup to the side.

When you glance up from your work, and his face is there, just a few inches away from yours, you blink, startled.

His eyes meet yours, just like before, but this time they aren't as scared. This time, they’re friendly, almost nervous, but welcoming as they hold your attention once more. He smiles, softly, before reaching forward and taking the towel from your hand.

Inhaling sharply, you flinch away, surprised by the touch.

At the movement, his eyes falter in confidence and he looks away, shutting down once more. Only, you don't want him to shut down again. Frantically, you search for words, anything to say to him.

“I...” As he looks up at you, it's as though all your butterflies are gone and your mind is no longer blank. Things become clear and you know what you have to say.

“I’m sorry.”

At your words, he seems taken aback, as though he weren't expecting that. He blinks, surprised and you continue.

“I didn't see you behind me, and I should've apologized earlier or at least said excuse me or….” Trailing off, you sigh. Rambling won't do you any good now.

“The point is, I’m sorry.” You murmur, softly, before bowing your head to him.

You can't see his face or the way he looks at you tenderly, completely awestruck by your behavior. You don't see the soft, kind way he smiles before he playfully knocks on your head, and you raise it.

“It's alright, you don't have to apologize.” He reassures you and you flush deeply at the sound.

Jungkook’s voice is soft and almost melodic, as though he’s always ready to break out in song, exactly how you've heard it on videos and during concerts.

And yet, now that you're hearing it in person, it's a bit different.

You can hear the soft rumble in his throat as he speaks, a tiny hint of his Busan dialect mixing in with his words. Every syllable is straightforward and clear, every word having a purpose.

It's slightly raspy but refreshed, like the feeling after you've just had a good workout or have just accomplished a really hard dance you've been practicing for a while.

But what's most important is that at the sound of his voice, unexplainable emotions run through your heart.

You have to look away or you're afraid he would surely detect the rapid beating of your heart, the chaos in your mind, the way your body has suddenly gone weak.

Looking away, you spy the discarded cup on the side and lunge for it, startling Jungkook a bit. He dodges you, his eyes widening slightly. Pulling back you smile a bit sheepishly before standing and giving him a small smile.

“Wait here.” You instruct before turning and hurrying to a trash can.

As you look up after throwing away the coffee cup, you notice a vending machine and spy a canned coffee cup on one of the slots.

Glancing back at Jungkook, you watch as he offers the soaked towels to the janitor who has come behind you and is currently mopping up the mess.

Turning back to the vending machine, you pull out your wallet, taking out a couple of won and inserting it into the slot. Pressing the numbers of the coffee can, you receive your change, bending down to retrieve your prize and turning back to Jungkook. Taking a deep breath, you pocket your wallet and hide the coffee behind your back before walking back over to him.

As you reach him, he greets you with a friendly smile, and you return it, almost nervously.

“Here.” You say, and he takes it from you, peering at it in slight confusion. “To replace the other one.”

“Thank you.” He murmurs, opening it and taking a drink. As soon as he tastes it, he pulls back, overdramatizing how delicious it is. At the sight of his expression, you snort, chuckling softly.

“It's really good!” he exclaims, and you laugh, covering your mouth with your hand. He laughs as well, a soft chuckle that warms you from the inside out and makes your smile grow wider.

You open your mouth to say something else, but a voice behind you cuts you off.

“Jungkook!” at the sound, Jungkook looks behind you, and you turn around.

A staff member is standing near an elevator, holding it open. She frantically points to her watch, a phone held desperately between her shoulder and ear. She seems distressed as though she’s late for something, and as you think about it, you realize she probably is.

You couldn't meet with Kim Namjoon due to a meeting he had with BTS, and Jungkook happens to be a member of BTS. He was probably on the way when you bumped into him.

“You should probably go.” You mutter, a bit disheartened at seeing him leave. “It sounds important.”

As you say the words, you turn to him and he seems a bit down himself. He nods to the staff member before looking at you and smiling once more. A bit bashfully, he holds out his hand, grinning that bunny smile as you take it.

“Thank you for the coffee, miss. It was nice to meet you.” He says politely, shaking your hand softly before bowing his head to you.

“You're welcome, I’m sorry again, by the way.” You chuckle softly, and he shakes his head at you almost in disbelief.

“I thought I told you,” he murmurs, letting go of your hand and starting to walk past you. However, as he reaches your side, he pauses, whispering in your ear...

“You don't have to be sorry for anything.”

At the feeling of his breath against your skin, you shiver, a slight blush exploding on your cheeks. You refuse to meet his eyes, unwilling to let him see your blush.

So you don't see him smirk at your reaction before turning away and heading to meet the staff member who has started to pace in anticipation and worry.

As soon as he leaves your side, you turn, watching him as he walks away. When he reaches halfway to the elevator doors, he pauses. As though he could feel your eyes on him, he turns his head, glancing over his shoulder at you.

Smiling, he meets your eyes, raising his hand in the air to say goodbye. Letting out a small laugh, you roll your eyes before doing the same.

After a moment, he turns once more, completing the distance and vanishing behind the elevator door, your eyes unable to break from him the entire way.

And once he’s gone, you hold the same hand you waved goodbye to him with, close to your chest.

As though that would calm the rapid beating of your heart.

𝔫𝔬𝔱𝔢: pretty spoicy no? (¬‿¬)

chapter 8 here

check the Infinite Stars masterlist for more chapters

check my BTS masterlist for other BTS content

check out my masterlist for other kpop fanfics

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annavolovodov · 5 years

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ya girl saw the downton movie and has some Thoughts

if you followed me at all from 2011-2015 then you'll know i am firmly Team Downstairs and did not want this movie to happen, just so you all know what position i'm coming from here.

everything below is gonna be spoilery af. if you haven't seen it yet and want info just hmu. if you have seen it and want to talk about it please message me bc i’m always up for chatting about Downton.

okay but the title sequence with the music building and cresting as we come up over the hills and get our first shot of downton... goosebumps. tbh i don't know shit about film making but i can't fault the technical aspects (costumes, music, cinematography). the impact of the increased budget was felt from the very first second.

for the plot i’m gonna split things by character to make it easier. i’ll probably go to see it again and maybe after that i’ll have some deeper Thoughts but i missed being able to liveblog during the film so enjoy my rambling first reactions.

upstairs peeps

everything with violet was iconic. i'm glad that they didn't neglect her relationship with isobel and ofc maggie and imelda played fantastically off each other. pretty much everyone has already highlighted the scene with violet and mary at the end and it tied things up perfectly between them. violet and mary are so so similar and violet has been pushing for her to inherit since before S1. the movie showed us that mary is basically running the estate even if she doesn't get the the title and i can totally see why violet is confident in the future of downton now. that being said, i don't think violet will actually die. maggie has been talking about leaving since 2012 and fellowes obviously put this in as a get-out clause for her should she want to go, but i reckon they’ll convince her to do more. if carson's palsy can be mysteriously cured, so can violet's conveniently vague illness.

i already knew that robert and cora weren't gonna be in it much, but i wish we could've seen cora finding out what was happening with edith and helping her out. it wouldn't surprise me if there was a deleted scene there cause that whole storyline felt a little disjointed. i completely forgot that cora knew about the pregnancy and was so confused at how the queen foud out about it all. i don't think we got anything in robert and cora's bedroom, or anything with cora/baxter and robert/bates, which would've also been very welcome but i guess they can only fit in so much.

onto mary: this may be an unpopular opinion but god i miss her long hair. yeah i know it wasn't the style of the time but her wig in this one was tragic and they need to fix it. i absolutely love that t*lbot didn't exist for a solid 95% of this movie and mary got her rightful place ruling downton. i wouldn't say i’m the biggest mary fan but her arc felt like one of the more satisfying ones of the movie imo.

as someone who has been firmly #teamedith from day one i am delighted to see my girl happy and successful. literally all her outfits were A+ and not to be gay on main but those scenes of her in her nightclothes getting ready for bed gave me my rights. i’m sad that she seems like she's either given up her magazine or has less of a role in it now based on what they said outside???? she did seem unsatisfied with aspects of her position so hopefully she'll go back to doing some writing and publishing cause that was a good fit for her, and if edith and bertie are “modern” enough to travel without servants surely edith moving away from traditional grand lady duties and back to her magazine that wouldn't be an issue.

the mention of sybil being gone seven years? yeah. thanks for the pain. tom accidentally saving the monarchy on no less than two occasions is the ultimate "congratulations you played yourself" moment but the fact he thought the army had sent someone to check up on him is the level of republican i'm trying to be on. i'm a bit ehhhh on his relationship with lucy, mainly cause i'd rather the screentime given to the newbies had went to established characters. but like sybil/tom was a wholeass epic romantic slowburn spanning several years through a war and across class divisions n shit and meanwhile lucy/tom have known each other for forty eight hours and had three conversations in a hallway so like obviously that’s just gonna pale in comparison????? like it just is???? i guess i don't hate it but it just was a bit unnecessary and the time coulda been spent on better things.

isobel didn't have all that much to do on her own but i appreciated her scenes with violet and i love that she was the one to figure out that lucy was lady whatever's daughter. penelope wilton's facial expressions during some of the exchanges with violet were great. i see lord merton has also undergone a miraculous recovery from his apparently serious anaemia but he also didn't appear much which was a big win for me!

team downstairs aka the ones i turned up to see

as a downstairs supremacist who has watched the screentime distribution in previous fifty two eps of the show, it’s fair to say i had low expectations going in. i expected a grand total of 10 minutes for the servants combined and i think that's why i was unexpectedly happy with what we got. ideally we would've ditched the subplots involving the personal lives of the royals and all the stuff w imelda staunton and her maid but oh well it could’ve been worse and i'll take any breadcrumbs i can get. anyway i'm eagerly awaiting the team downstairs cut of the film one of yall will hopefully make when the dvd comes out. the only part that was far, FAR too upstairs heavy for me was the last sequence of the film after the royals left and i think we would've benefitted from rounding things off with team downstairs after the ball.

so i guess retirement magically cured the palsy carson had, but i guess after matthew’s miraculous recovery anything can happen at downton when it comes to health. Fellowes is getting a free pass for retconning this one cause i cba with more death/loss. mary going to carson for help and him immediately coming to her aid was very sweet. kinda wish we'd find out what he was up to post-Downton (except for his gardening) tho.

i was expected zero carson/hughes content in this movie and yet !!!! and yet!!!!!! we were somewhat well-fed. like carson (incorrectly) thinking he can control the other servants and mrs hughes' "oh that went well charlie, start as you mean to go on" hdjksjs i love them. and the lil scene in their cottage ugh. also we got more of them using their first names and yeah i guess that makes sense given they've been married for a while now but as i said, i had low expectations.

mrs hughes is still like the best person ever but wbk. her vs. the royal housekeeper = iconic. i kinda felt bad for royal whatsherface in some ways because she clearly didn't know who she was up against THE elsie hughes who has vanquished much scarier foes in her time. the other servants were never gonna win that battle.

the 0.5 seconds of baby bates *chef's kiss* perfection. god i am slightly bitter it was only 0.5 seconds given the fuckin multiseason journey leading up to his birth. tbh we should've ditched everything involving the personal lives of the rando new characters and let baby bates have some of that time but fellowes loves upstairs too much to let that happen. the small interaction was adorable though and i'm glad the mention of his name was subtle enough that we can retcon it cause i truly believe anna and bates would've came up with a more creative choice than that. genuinely i'm so curious about their whole living situation and how they cope with a smol child while working full time but i doubt fellowes even considered that so y’know. what can we do. i enjoyed the breadcrumbs but i wanted more.

i did go into this film with the mindset of "something awful will probably happen to anna or bates," cause that's what usually happens in these things but plot twist!!!! we saw them smile on multiple occassions!!!! what a nice change for us all! i swear every time anna bates smiles an angel gains their wings. her scenes with mary were good and i'm happy their friendship made it into the film. you know what else i was happy to see? the EXTREMELY UNDERRATED brotp between anna and baxter. there was a couple of moments with them standing next to each other or talking to each other and it warmed my heart. like yass two of my fave people are friends. it's a big win for me.

i'm sure i read something about brendan being involved in another project which meant he couldn't film too much (i'm curious to whether this impacted the lack of baby bates scenes?) and while it's true that bates didn't have a ton of scenes, i didn't feel like he was absent which was good.

thomas had the best storyline imo. i don't blame him for being angry that mary brought in carson and it was actually very iconic of him to go off in the library like that. i found it hilarious that while everyone else was panicking at downton he went off on gay adventures. i really wish we'd gotten this "thomas makes a gay friend then discovers the village's underground gay scene THEN gets a boyfriend" in the show cause that would've been SO MUCH BETTER than some of the other stuff that got stretched out across the last couple series (like the love quadrangle with daisy/ivy/alfred/jimmy). like, imagine thomas’ movie plot as a series-long arc. the impact. i liked the guy that was his maybe-boyfriend and i hope any continuation keeps that relationship going.

mrs p and daisy continue to be the mother-daughter duo of the century. i thought both of them were supposed to be moving to the farm post-S6 but i suppose that would've meant they wouldn't be in the film hence why it didn't come to fruition. i guess they could all move once daisy and andy get married. mrs patmore didn't get a great deal to do but i still feel like i saw her a fair amount. comrade daisy was awesome and is definitely me when i see any monarchy-related stuff. somewhere over the last few seasons she's developed into one of the most interesting characters in downton and we don't talk about that enough. andy trashing the boiler was immature af but at the same time i feel like it completely makes sense for daisy to take that as a compliment. it’s just such a daisy thing to do?????

now, there is one thing i kinda fucked up here. while i went into the film with low expectations for everyone else, i fully expected baxley to be A Thing because how could i not and boy did i come out looking like boo boo the fool. i guess baxter and molesley have continued the tradition of Agonisingly Long Downstairs Slowburns which would be okay if we were still getting one season per year but is quite frankly rude when we're on rationed content like this. the first half of the film i thought it was gonna be revealed that they were together or something but then that scene at the end implied they're dancing around each other and my god is it frustrating. i would give so much to trade tom and lucy's romantic subplot for a baxter/molesley one but once again i know that's an unrealistic dream.

definitely not enough baxter in general but that one shot of her, anna and mrs hughes standing in the same frame was worth the price of my cinema ticket. still love molesley even tho he's a monarchist.

in terms of the overall downstairs stuff, i'm euphoric at seeing all these people interact with each other again. as we all know, found family is the best trope and since the servants are literally the epitome of that every moment focussed on them is like chicken soup for my weary soul. was the revolution against the royal servants realistic? no. was it realistic for the two people who came up with most of the plot to be the ones who went to jail for doing literally nothing wrong and would therefore want to avoid stuff that could get them in trouble with an all-powerful family? also no! however, seeing downstairs all working together for a common goal is content that appeals directly to me and i am thankful.

shoutout to the last scene which is the best way the movie could've ended it for me. use of first names AND walking home together? thank u fellowes.

tldr; team downstairs fan who was strongly anti-movie, went in with low expectations, was pleasantly surprised. there are a shit ton of things i’d change but i just really loved seeing these characters who all mean so much to me again. obviously the only reason this film happened was for financial reasons rather than a desire to continue the storyline (cause the finale tied things up perfectly imo) but i wish they'd done a two-part miniseries instead to ensure everyone gets some screentime. two ninety minute specials every few years would work much better if everyone wants to keep downton going but i guess that doesn't bring the cash in like a movie does.

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askguyslikeus · 7 years

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oh shit yall send lots of questions hoo nelly answering almost all of them under the cut ,,, im gunan try and answer more technical ones first then fun ones and ones about the mod later so u dont gotta scroll all the way to the bottom for the good deets

Hi! I'm still kinda new to the blog and I was wondering what are the 'do and do-not' kind question I should do? Because im sure theres always that one ask thats just Innapropiated, like that one of Michael 'taking advantage og high Jeremy' that was just not cool. i got this ask a lot so ill be clear with yall. im just not a big angst fan? so sending michael asks about his anxiety nonstop and about how he had a panic attack in the bathroom over and over again wasnt that fun. usually if it pertains the musical though you should be find sending an ask about it? but sometimes i get asks that are like “jeremy ur nothing and how does it feel knowing u fucked everything up” like homie how i think its feels? how u think hes gunna react to that? i made this blog to negate a lot of negativity in my own life so i can promise u im going to be answering asks mostly positive always forever. that being said tho i sometimes get asks pertaining to a few things that ive dealt with in the past and these topics make me very very uncomfortable. dont send asks about these topics please. this is the no no list

-self harm, cancer, suicide, rape, parent death, car accidents, sudden death.

What was your inspiration for this blog? hoo boy well,,, ultimately i thought of them rooming together and got emotional and made a huge list of headcanons and was like ,,, why not run an askblog for a bit ill just abandon it after three asks lets have some fun. but somehow im still here and i got sucked in by the complexity of michael and jeremy. i know that sounds kinda silly but just, as someone who is dealing with a lot of similar things, like dependency issues and abandonment issues and depression and anxiety, having these fun functioning character to explore was such a gift for me. i believe honestly thats why im still here and doing this. being able to try and portray a healthy relationship and a healthy way of coping and growing has helped me a lot this past month and given me an outlet i didnt have before. TBH THO the main reason i made this blog if imma be real with u guys id because i didnt like the treatment of a lot of these issues in the fandom. it made me very upset to see depression used as an plot device and michaels dependency issues treated as romantic so i wanted to make a blog that had little to no angst. ANYWAYS somehow im still here ,,, gvrkjvrnkjfd sorry i rambled

honestly I just wanna say first that I love his blog and your art and you're so cool and kind!! a question would be (I'm not sure if you've answered this before or not) but is there like an on going story here, or is it mostly just answering questions with the characters set in this universe? (if that makes sense I'm sorry!) thank you, you're super awesome! ❤️ djrnjg first off thank u so much aaaa,, ive kind of answered this before but its ok its been a while since then! but um i do kinda have a story but how howdy i sure am dragging my feet. the story isn a hUGE OVERARCHING EPIC OF WOE AND THIS PERSON IS UPSET AND THIS PERSON IS MAD AT THIS PERSON its just michael and jeremy getting together. i have a plan and ive talked to a few people on how i want it to happen but ive gained like ,,,, 6,000 followers since then and im kinda nervous BUT ILL DO MY BEST but also please understand that i do this for fun for myself and if i dont get to it im so so so sorry woops

i know this has been said before but i'm really really happy w how you're handling so many aspects of their characters. i.e. michael being trans, michael and jeremy's anxiety, michael's dependency issues, and other stuff i'm too tired to think of. you made the characters have even more depth than they did in the play and i'm rly grateful for the way you're dealing w my favorite boys. (also your richjake is suuuper adorable) ahhhhhh thank u so much? i talked a bit about this on my main but im really glad people are happy with my decision on this blog because im suPER SUPER NERvous anytime i post an ask dealing with these things. (ask hachi or nate i always message them like freaking out and send them my scripts and asks and wait for them to tell me its ok before i post it omg) also like i talked about before i love,,, having these fun stoner gamer boys to explore these issues with. im honestly shocked by how many people also deal with dependency issues because when i first listened to the musical i was so overwhlemed by the song michael int he bathroom because i had never heard someone basically write “dependency issue: the song” and it felt so so so good to realize i wasnt alone in this pit of despair i fall into so easily aha. but im!! glad everyone is ok with this wild ride im on right now (also thank u so much i struggle writing rich and jake but i get so emotional cause they would TOTES call each other babe)

how come you just use sketch form for most of your drawing (sketches and uses sketch for the final result)? im ,,, not really sure what this is asking but i thnk its along the lines of why do i only sketch my answers?? and i do that because dude do u see how often i post and how lONG some of them are. i made this blog for fun and i love doing comics but i hate lineart and coloring and if i tried to churn out finished pics for every post id defs have given up a few asks in,, shrugs

I want to say I love your little comics they're so funny! How long does it take you to make a comic? Are any of them based on your experiences? Ok have a nice day! thank you! i love my little comics too! it usually takes me anywhere from an hour to five hours if im dragging my ass or talking on discord while im drawing. it can be kinda exhausting but since i took my break ive also been like, starting long comics one day and finishing them another day which, before i would do it all in one sitting then post it hahha. AS FOR EXPERIENCE the first half of the lifeguard comic was based on real life! we were stuck stoned up there for like an hour or two? but we didnt have anyone to help us but we got down eventually!! the wendys comic is also something i did because man!! i need to compliment food workers if they do a good job!! ummmmm just like jenna i also have a friend that said HAHA BYE and moved to cali and she is also lIVING IT UP and doing really well for herself and shes very independent and shes very inspiring to me! hmm i think thats it besides i used to have movie nights with my dad all the time too except we would watch my fave animated movies and sometimes lord of the rings cause my dad loved that

What kinds of things can we NOT ask ? What kinds of things do you WANT us to ask ? i covered the what not to ask in the first question so!!! um if my askbox is open and u want to respond to previous asks ive answered for the boys that would be so so so rad. sometimes im done with a certain ask and i have nothing to add but sometimes ive got more to say but am looking for an opportunity! that being said it made me really happy that i got a lot of asks about pj? shes not going to the main focus of any more asks but!!! i was nervous to introduce her and im glad u guys like her shes fun to write. but overall just general asks i can make a big ol fun story out of so!! dont worry too much about what to ask, if its something ud ask a real person and not like “lol what if ur dad died” ur gunna be fine probably

Hi! Not a question but your blog is so sweet and refreshing! I actually really appreciate that you refuse angst, that stuff tends to rub me the wrong way in fandoms... Keep taking good care of these boys ! gggg thank u!!! it means a lot to me that a lot of people are backing me up on this! i mean if u are an angst fan there are a lot of askblogs that explore that!! so its not in short supply bmc askblog fandoms got something for everyone

Which drawing program do you use?? i use paint tool sai and my tablet is a cintiq !!

this isn't really related to the faq but that bakunawa boy reference was great I LOVE THAT FIC MAN!!! the line was originally a little diff in that ask but i changed it cause ,,,, i could,,,,

an art style question. how do you keep the design of characters consistent from frame to frame? my characters they look a lil different every time I draw em (or a lot different) and it tends to disrupt the flow of my comics/animations ohh boy hoo wee props for doing animations im too scared to give that a whirl but!! it helps that i draw all the panels for an ask on one canvas! so if my next panel is going to be the same character in the same spot just in a diff pose i keep the lower layer on just at low opacity so i can use it as a ref! that helps me a lot!

Sorry if I'm nosy or rude, but are you reflecting Micheal Anxiety, Panic attacks and depence? iii think this is asking if i reflect my own issues onto them boys? and if so then yes i do. i dont place any of my own personality or anything on the boys but i do use them as a way to help me learn how to cope with my own shit and i try to deal with their issues in the healthiest way possible while also keeping in mind they are flawed individuals aaa

what are your pronouns??? and maybe your main blog?? im a cis girl so she/her is good! and my main is squigglegigs! also that being said IF YOU SEE THE USERNAME SQUIGGLEGIGS ANYWHERE JUST?? ASSUME ITS ME?? i have a twitter and an instagram and my tumblr account

((Hello mod will Michael and Jeremy eventually someday get together. I love them.)) if all goes according to plan yes! if i get overwhelmed and stop having fun on this blog then no! sorry thems the breaks but! i do want them to get together so HOPEFULLY

going off on that confrience on pornogrefy for birds, Im geussing jeremy has played Hatoful Boyfriend. am I wrong? well it wasnt intended as that ref and i dont know anything about hatoful boyfriend but i can see jerm finding it and playing it so, sure homie! the pornography for birds thing is a my brother my brother and me reference! i love that show and them boys so give it a scope!

I'm crying bcuz Michael said he's in love with Jeremy and it's beautiful yeah that boy is DEEP IN love with his bro bro

Any advice for running an ask blog?? (Ps i love this blog keep it up) personally whats worked for me so far is doing just sketches for art. honestly ive been able to work so much more and post so much more often while also trying to work on my expressions and poses! also taking my own experiences and shaping them to fit the characters has been SO MUCH FUN. th most important thing tho is,,, dont overwork urself dude. if ur having a fun time it shows. if ur just forcing urself to churn out material and its not fun? like shit we doing this for free dont push urself? idk idk overall being looser with my art and writing the dialogue before hand has been the most helpful for me for this askblog! ive run a bunch before including @ask-maz and ive run that sporadically for ,, three or four years? its so funny cause u can see my art style juMP AROUND SO MUCH but i love that blog and i only update it like every other month or so but?? i still like doing it and no on likes those posts but it makes me smile so ANYWAYS

~ok from here on its mostly just me replying to nice messages or people asking me personal questions that dont pertain to askguyslikeus so!!~

I just wanted to say I really really love your blog and just your art in general!! Keep up the good work and hope you're having fun! thank u!!! i am having fun and im glad u enjoy it!!

What other musicals do you like? :0 i really like heathers A LOT. i also like doctor horrible i know thats not technically a musical but i just relistened to it and im emotional. i like dear evan hansen but it makes me really sad so i can only take it in moderation! ummm rent? chicago?? music man? now im just naming musicals i was in rip. being in a musical fandom is a new thing to me? i was really into heathers last year but didnt really interract with the fandom at SO THIS IS SUPER NEW?? ive never been into a musical as much as im into bmc and heathers tho

tell us a little bit about urself!! u seem v cool i am squigs or fork!! im 24 and work fulltime as a barista at starbucks! i get high on the beach with my friend gwen a lot and drink wayy to many slushies, my tv shows are brooklyn nine nine and bobs burgers right now! i table at conventions sometimes and sell my art as merch and whatnot and i cosplay as a hobby as well. im pretty boring but i draw a lot and always carry my big sketchbook with me and im pretty sure its given me back issues BUT OH WELL HAHA also i am very not cool THE TRUTH COMES OUT

Who do you most relate to from bmc and why? like ,,, a mix of michael and christine with a sprinkle of jeremy i guess ahaha i relate to michaels dependency issues and overarching positive attitude and love of music, i relate to christines bright disposition and the need to not stick to one set thing? like she loves theater cause she can be sO MANY PEOPLE and like same homie thats why i cosplay. and jeremys need to be likes while also ability to put himself out there is very relatable. i also identify strongly with his dad issues idk idk whats good

Also -- just thank you for how you handled all the panic attack and anxiety attack asks. I used to deal with anxiety attacks multiple times a day and it just was really nice that it was positive and not them having one. Thank you, sincerely. ahhhhhh ur so welcome i,,, have anxiety and it sucks and i deal with panic attacks like everyday at work so i dont really wanna come home and draw someone having one i guess? im glad its helping other people too tho!

Dude- I love your art? Actually so much? It's... I love it. The whole sketch-ish way your art style is, and the way you color, and the expressions! I'm so glad I found your work - you've given me so much inspiration. Keep doin what you're doin and I hope you have a good day! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ANytime any one compliments my expressions i die cause i legit made this blog to help with that as well ,,, like dam

im lvoe ur art style b o i :0 !!!!!!

Mod, I love you so much I love you you have my soul and my love and my eternal gratitude thank you and I love you (This is the guy who was excited about PJ on your ig live stream a while ago and I love you) !!!!!!!!! im so happy u like my content omg and that u like pj im so glad!! shes a good bean

I just wanna say... I'm crying over that post about Michael and his anxiety? cuz I know how it can feel that you're only your flaws and weaknesses, but Michael just tells that to screw off in the most wonderful way and I'm?? thank you so much for that post, I bookmarked it for future times when I can't look past my depression... honestly, that post made my day (along with every other post on this blog), thank you for being such a lovely part of this fandom ,,,, im,,,, im scared of a lot of this fandom tbh but if i can be something good that come out of it and my love of these boys and desire to show them functioning together in a healthy way can help other people its so much more than i ever thought id ever be able to do. i am blown away everyday by the support ive been given on this blog and i might be crying right now because i never thought id be able to touch other people like this and i just. im really glad yall are here with me for all this.

(To the mod: You are a beautiful person that I highly respect. I love this blog and what you set out to do. thanks for giving something that makes me smile and gives me something to look forward to everyday, keep up the good work! ❤ ) hey im still crying from the previous ask aaaaa im honestly so emotional

what are ur true feelings for wendy's??? i fucking love wendys man thats some top tier fast food right there

what fast food restaurant do you think has the best nuggets WENDYS HANDS DOWN

do you have a favorite movie? paranorman makes me very nostalgic and ive seen it like eighty times and used to watch it with my dad a lot and i love it

I would just like you to know that your Wendy's comic prompted me to pull the same thing with a bakery in the town I'm visiting and the baker got so excited and happy, so thank you for making that comic because I made that woman's day. GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD I LOVE WHEN PEOPLE COMPLIMENT ME WHEN IM WORKING DUDE LIKE IM SO GLAD IT MADE U DO THIS!!! IM SMILING REALLY BIG!!

chocolate milk or strawberry milk? or plain? woops i hate milk im so sorry

do u love michael mell with all of ur heart, mod? i really truly do man what a fucking good ass character

hi squigs i love you! i love your content too and i hope u have a good day pal :> WHAT A SWEET BEAN!!! THANK YOU?? OMG

I'm just saying that recent ask you did with Michael really hit me hard because I really related to it and I started crying because it made me realize that I've been pining my self worth on everything my anxiety causes and I'm so much more than that. Thank you, so much for that I really needed it because I'm in a really bad place right now. <3 -for the mod i legit cry everytime i get asks or dms like this cause once again the idea that im helping other people is so ovwehelming i love you??? i let myself just be”depressed” for ahwile and by that i mean i just,, let my sadness consume me and i was scared of getting better cause the sadness was all i knew for so long and just. its so easy to think u are ur illness but you are so much more. soooo much more man.

I relate A Lot to Michael so the way you portray him in the blog is really good, and I think it's really awesome you refuse to like?? do terrible stuff and answer bad questions just bc people wanna see that. You run this blog really well 👌 AHHHH THis is the biggest compliment thank u so much ,,, i get real anxious bout this blog soemtiems but then yall send me sweet things like this and its worth it man

Hey mod, just know you're a really cool person. Thanks for running this blog in the first place. Keep doing the great work. thank you!!!! for ur support!!!!

not really a question!! i just wanted to say your posts on this blog always brighten my day and you're really an incredible artist and person, keep rockin on my dude!! *clutching my heart* the fuck this is so sweet

1 .I just wanted to say your blog is really awesome! It's very lovely. I also like how you made michael trans and like handled it? (just with how all the characters treat him and stuff its v nice). Your art is super duper! Thanks for running this awesome blog! 2. Hey! This isn't a question but I wanted to say that I appreciate michael being trans!! As a trans boy it's just rly awesome to see something like that casually thrown into an ask blog without making it a huge weird deal :D immm,,, i kinda really love the idea of michael being trans cause a lot of my trans male friends are actually pretty confident in their skin and michael is a very confident character? and u rarely see that with trans representation and its so refreshing to see it portrayed well. im trying to do that here but again if! i do anything wrong let me know!

how did you first get into art? (also i really love your blog, it's amazing!) ive been drawing as long as i remember! ive got mad adhd and wasnt diagnosed until late in ym life so i would just draw nonstop in my classes ahaha i used to read the sunday comics a lot and they really inspired me to try and make comics of my own too!! (and omg thank u)

someone also asked me if i went to church or was religious but tumblr ate the ask but i used to go to church a lot as a kid but im currently not religious at all aaa

ok holy shit that was a lot but thanks again to everyone i legit cry a lot about how supportive u all are thank u so much aaaa

#modpost #holy fuck that was so much

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unwillingkomaedakin · 4 years

Text

Entry 4 - July 2nd 2020

i haven’t written in here in quite a bit. nothing much has been happening. i finished watching kaguya-sama and now i’m watching haikyuu. it’s midnight as i’m writing this, it just became the 2nd. i just want to write about something that happened just now. it’s really embarrassing. but this is a diary or something, it’s anonymous. so i’ll write about it.

i found the type of porn and sex positions i’m into, cowgirl and missionary. so of course i was getting off and shit. i don’t have a piss fetish or anything of the sort, i’ll say that now. i learned to get off with my left hand, but my right hand is my dominant hand, so i don’t have a lot of stamina when i get myself off. i’ve never actually came before, but i think i’ve come close. i always lose all my strength and stamina right before i peak. to help with this a bit and to distract myself from being worn out and trying to reach a high, i usually get off when i have a near-full bladder. it puts me on edge, and it distracts me somewhat from feeling tired. there’s this video called unsettling Komaeda noises or something that i usually listen to on loop when i’m getting off as a stimulant of sorts.

i also just wanna write about why i’m such a nymphomaniac. i’ve never had a real friend before. i’m the very definition of lonely and sad. love and acceptance is the thing i crave all day every day. i’m not sure if this sounds a bit weird or is taboo or whatever, but i’m more into sex for the intimacy. or something. i’m bad at wording things. i love it for the feelings, not the pleasure. to have proper sex with someone, you feel extremely comfortable around them and love them a lot. and they feel the same way about you. and you two trust each other completely and want to do it to make the other happy from the pleasure. the feelings and intentions is what i’m invested in. wholesome sex. that sorta summarizes it. i’m not exactly into a lot of kinks or whatever. i do have a praise kink. but that’s it. i love it because of the feelings involved in having passionate sex. i want to have someone i really love and trust, and they feel the same way about me. i’d love that more than anything in the world.

as stupid as this sounds, Komaeda is probably the closest thing i have to a friend. i love Him and His character. i love everything about Him. i relate to almost every aspect of Him. low self-esteem, sickly, an outcast, “strange” ideals, somewhat breathy voices, yearn for nothing more than someone who cares. i fucking love Him. He’s my comfort character. as my name implies, i’m a Komaeda kin. haha. it does sorta suck, but it makes me happy that i’m so similar to someone i love and adore. Komaeda and i naturally get along on island mode in danganronpa 2, and i think we’d be best friends if we ever met. i love Komaeda. when getting off, most people probably imagine the person they love or admire doing things to them, but since i have no one, Komaeda fills that void for me. i have such a strong connection to Him, He not only brings me extreme comfort, but He’s the person i’d trust with having sex with more than anyone i know. i hate everyone i know. they’re all horrible people. i’m a little obsessed with Komaeda i suppose. He’s my profile picture on discord, and has been for months. He brings me so much comfort that not having Him as my profile picture can cause me to feel physically ill or even have a breakdown from discomfort, distress and panic. it brings me comfort knowing that my profile picture will always stay the same, and won’t suddenly change on me. anyway, i think that’s enough rambling about Komaeda for now.

so today i was just getting off and whatever but i didn’t realize just how full my bladder was, and in the middle of getting off, i pissed a tiny bit, like a drop. if there’s anyone else reading this, i just wanna say, i was equally as grossed out as you would be. i don’t have a piss fetish. so i was like “oh shit” and went to the toilet and pissed like a third of it out so i still had enough to help me get off easier. so when that’s over and i return to my room, i finish the deed. that ends after like 30 minutes. somehow my bladder has completely filled up again. usually after i get off at night i take a shower, and since i needed to piss really soon, i decided to hurry into the shower. i get my pajamas ready and run to the shower. in the shower, there’s this small pole connecting the shower head to the wall. we have this plastic shelf that usually hangs on the pole that has the soap, shampoo etc. on it. for some reason, this shelf had been taken out of the shower and was sitting on the other side of the room leaning up against the wall. this was literally the first time it had been taken down since i’ve lived in my house, and we’ve lived here for like 4 years or something. just my luck. half of the stuff on the shelf had been moved around so i took a little to find my stuff.

while looking for the soap and trying to hold in my piss. it started coming out, completely against my will. i panicked so much. luckily it was midnight so almost everyone was asleep and didn’t hear me panic. i start taking off my pants and socks in a hurry to get into the shower as soon as possible to avoid actually pissing myself. however, my pants just so happened to get stuck on my socks, and before i knew it, i pissed myself. my underwear were drenched in piss. you could even see it. of course i wrapped my other clothes around the underwear so you wouldn’t see it. i’m really scared as to if you can see if someone pissed themselves from looking at their underwear like a day later. i really hope not. then my mom would know that me, a high schooler, pissed herself. i haven’t pissed myself since i was like 4 or something. anyway, i got off topic. after a few seconds, i finally got my pants and socks off. i quickly hopped in the shower and (for lack of a better term) let it all out. that event was fucking absurd. i never imagined that i’d piss myself, let alone as a teenager. i’m torn between finding it shameful or hilarious.

in a few days, july 4th, my family is going on a trip to the capital of my state. for literally no reason at all. yet my bitch of a mother always complains that we have money problems, yet she wastes money on an expensive trip no one asked for. my god, she’s a fucking hypocrite. i really fucking hate her. anyway, i’ll be away for like 5 days or something, so i’m not sure if i’ll be able to write on here during that. i really want to though. i haven’t gone on a trip in years, and it’ll be eventful so i want to write about it. i have this diary app on my phone that i haven’t touched in god knows how long. i might write the entries in there and post them on here when i get back home. i don’t know. i’ll probably figure something out.

my Komaeda jacket still hasn’t arrived yet, i really hope it gets here soon. travelling gives me a lot of anxiety, so having the jacket would definitely calm me down a lot. i’m doubting it’ll get here in time, it’d be a miracle if it did, so i guess i’ll just wish. i ordered another Komaeda figure, that’s my third one. i’m still looking for the Komaeda chara-forme figure, though it’s really rare and overpriced. i honestly doubt i’ll find it anywhere for a good price, let alone at all. i can hope though. hope. i can hope. i have hope that things will turn around. i can’t stay sad forever. things have to turn around eventually. right?

#diary #Komaeda #Nagito #Komaeda kin

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