#ill probably type up my musical thoughts in a separate post because that would get long af and i would put my little english degree to WORK

[sunshowersanddandelionwine]

i am having Thoughts about both cod as a musical and a cod musical au

specifically a cod musical showmance au

that would be fun i think

[pair-annoyed]

Anime I Watched This Fall

My first semester of college is officially over and the December holidays are upon us! I hoped to make one of these posts sooner, but I have been incredibly busy with schoolwork. Now that things have slowed down, let’s take sometime to reflect on things I’ve watched. 

These anime are listed in chronological order and encompass everything I’ve watched from 9/1/2020 - 12/15/2020

Like always, they will be rated on a 1-10 scale; 1 meaning complete garbage, 10 meaning masterpiece. I will offer my thoughts on what I did/didn’t like about each show!

1. The God of High School - 6/10 

Despite the stellar animation from MAPPA and my high expectations, I was really disappointed by how this series was treated. Most of the story’s crucial elements were handled poorly. I finished this series feeling more confused about the plot than when I first began. The power system is really cool, but poorly explained. More time should have been spent on exposition and world building for this series, instead the fights were given the most screen time. 

2.  Doukyuusei - 7/10 

I really liked the style of Doukyuusei. Granted, this was another movie I chose to watch primarily because of the hype surrounding it. The dynamic between Kusakabe and Sajou is an interesting one, and I also enjoy how the movies different acts were separated by the seasons. However, there's nothing that really sets Doukyuusei apart from other romance movies, its a little generic. Still, I enjoyed it nonetheless. 

3.  Re:Zero kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu 2nd Season - 8/10 

My opinions on Re:Zero’s second season are biased. This was, by far, the sequel I was most hyped for during the summer/fall anime season. I was so happy to see the story’s continuation and I’m looking forward to the season’s second part coming sometime in January. Re:Zero is one of my all time favorite series because of the way it handles it characters and power dynamics. I also really enjoy the show’s psychological aspects. If you haven’t already, give Re:Zero a try! 

4. Saint☆Oniisan (Movie + OVA) - 8/10

This was a wonderful comedy. I wasn’t sure how the subject of Jesus and Buddha living together would be tackled, but it was handled wonderfully. I was laughing for pretty much the entire movie. I love the art style and little references to both Buddhism and Christianity, plus the incorporation of Japanese culture. Saint Oniisan is a bright comedy, with two eccentric main characters. If you like a show that doesn’t take itself too seriously, and need a good laugh, I can’t recommend this more.

5. Clannad: After Story - 10/10 

Never, while watching anime, did I cry as much as I did while watching Clannad: After Story. I didn’t realize how much I related to Okazaki until I saw him grow up in After Story. I was left sobbing, especially after episode 18. I still, to this day, cannot listen to the Dango song without tearing up. The original Clannad is nothing special, but the continuation of its story its something heartfelt, emotional, and down-to-earth. I love Kyoto Animation with all my heart, and Clannad made me appreciate everything the studio has done just a little bit more. Thank you Clannad, for reminding me about the kind of person I strive to be. 

6. Nakitai Watashi wa Neko wo Kaburu - 5.5/10

The art in A Whisker Away was beautiful. The story itself, however, is nothing too enjoyable. I found it difficult to like our protagonist or her love interest. Nothing about this movie is inherently memorable. The emotional climax came far too early which made the second half of the film seem long and drawn out.  All in all, the movie has a wonderful concept, I just believe it could have been so much more emotional than it was. When I watch a move, I like to empathize with the characters. It’s difficult to do when the characters aren’t given the proper exposition to be empathized with. 

7.  Shikioriori - 6/10

This is less of a movie and more of a collection of short stories. Flavors of Youth is something you shouldn’t watch on an empty stomach, all of the food looks incredible. The same cannot beside for the rest of this feature. The stories themselves seems heavily clichéd. Much like A Whisker Away, the initial premise is intriguing, but the execution results in something that comes across as trying too hard and carries no emotional weight with the viewer. If you plan on watching, pay more attention to the artwork and animation than the actual plot. You won’t be missing anything. 

8. Vinland Saga - 7/10

Vinland Saga helped me get out of the rut that Clannad: After Story. Not only does this show have a great story, its action packed with lots of interesting fights. I especially enjoyed all the Nordic history embedded within the show. Its really unlike any of the other historical anime I’ve watched. I will say, it’s gory. But, compared to all the other things I watched this time around, I finished this series the quickest. Its good, its graphic, its fast paced! 

9.  Mononoke Hime - 7/10

It’s ironic considering how much anime I’ve watched that I have yet to watch all of the most classic Studio Ghibli films. Princess Mononoke is grittier than most other Ghibli films I’ve seen, but it’s message is positive and its characters are wonderful. I can’t really speak ill towards classics like these. I guess maybe my one complaint is that this movie could’ve been a faster pace. Other than that... I really enjoyed everything Princess Mononoke offered! I understand why it’s so popular.  

10. Howl no Ugoku Shiro - 8.5/10 

Can you believe it took me this long to finally watch Howl’s Moving Castle? Me neither!! This movie is so endearingly beautiful. I loved every second of it, from the characters to the soundtrack. So many iconic things come from just this one movie. I would like to take this time to thank my best friend for reminding me that Studio Ghibli films are wonderful! Thank you for watching this with me, I loved it! All in all, I regret not watching this sooner! 

11. Toradora! - 6.5/10 

Toradora took me a while to finish, just because I lost interest about halfway through. But, I powered through it, and ended up really enjoying the show! I’m not the biggest fan of the ending, but that’s just a personal preference. Somehow, this show also made me cry? I’m not entirely sure why because Toradora! is probably the thing farthest from sad. Apart from the show’s dull slice of life moments, it was super cute! A much needed light-hearted romance. 

12. New Initial D Movie: Legend 1 - 5/10 

Full disclosure, this is the only thing related to Initial D that I’ve ever watched. My band and I watched this expecting to hear some of that iconic Initial D music, itself all we got was a mildly confusing story about different types of cars. It was cliché and frankly a little boring. Although, I am still considering watching the original Initial D just so I can hear the music in the way it was original intended. I’ve got no other opinions on this movie. It’s best not to watch these movies without the context from the rest of the franchise.  

13.  Uchuu Patrol Luluco - 7.5/10

I didn’t really understand why people enjoy studio Trigger so much until I watched Space Patrol Luluco. I loved all the fun references to other studio Trigger works. I loved the humor, and I loved all the bright colors. The animation was extremely high energy, and the art style fits the show’s premise. Each episode was only 12 minutes long so it was a super quick binge. If you’re looking for something quick, light-hearted and comical, this is the perfect show to watch.

14. Orange - 7/10 

I owe a big thanks to a tumblr mutual for recommending this show to me! This holds the honor of making me cry by episode 3! I honestly did not expect the subject matter of this show to be as dark as it was. Usually when I see the genre ‘shoujo’ I do not associate it with a love story like that of Orange. The heavy subject matter made it a little too close to home for me, but I still really enjoyed this series. It reminds me off all the good times I had with my friends in high school, and of all the regrets I carry with myself to this day. 

15. 3-gatsu no Lion - 7.5/10 

March Comes in Like a Lion is another show that was a bit of a slow burn for me. Each episode left me feeling emotionally drained, so I had to take a lot of breaks while I was working on watching this series. Shaft, the studio behind this anime, holds a special place in my heart because I loved their work on the Monogatari Series. March Comes in Like a Lion is a little different. It’s driving force it is characters, and it was cathartic to watch our main character transform through the entire duration of the first season. I know the show’s second season is much better, so I’ll be starting that soon! 

16. Yojouhan Shinwa Taikei - 8/10 

I loved how artsy and smart The Tatami Galaxy is, but honestly I couldn’t watch too much at once cause it would hurt my head. I also couldn’t watch this show while I was tired because the speaking rate is much faster than typical anime. The Tatami Galaxy is so unique for its medium. I loved the different time loops and the crazy animation. The characters were fascinating. The dialogue, although very fast, it also fantastic. There’s an element of humor to this unique story telling, and I enjoyed ever minute of it! 

Currently Watching:

Hunter x Hunter - 6.5/10 (As of Episode 30)

I pride myself in having watched a lot of shounen anime, but I was reluctant to start Hunter x Hunter for years because I thought I would find it boring. I was oh so very wrong. Considering great shows like Naruto and Fairy Tail that fall under the same category, I expected Hunter x Hunter to be subpar in comparison. It gets a low score for two reasons. One, the power system was introduced a little too late and now I’m wondering if all the fights post episode 30 will involved nen in some way, shape, or form. Two, its still on hiatus. 

Two Cursed Additions For This List

Please to do not let these be representative of my anime taste. 

1.  Yarichin☆B*tch-bu - 4/10

I am a CLOWN for not knowing this was 18+. The only reason I watched this was to see why everyone was talking about the pink-haired boy with the glasses and tongue piecing. I know why now, and I regret it. This was a massive mistake on my part. But hey, at the least the art and ending song kinda slap? 

2. Euphoria (Dropped After 1 Episode) - 2/10

If you know what I’m talking about when I say Euphoria, I am so sorry. And no, I am not talking about the HBO series. Seriously, don’t google this. Don’t watch this. Don’t interact with anything related to this. You’re probably wondering, “Then why did you watch it?” I did not watch this willingly. You see, I have a very bad habit of starting anime and then taking months to finish them. I made an ultimatum with a friend, lost, and then was forced to watch this a punishment. Not a fun experience. I’m very glad there are no GIFs of this on tumblr...

[boogiepilgrim]

listen i know i try to keep this blog positive as a whole, but misery is unfortunately a part of life and i feel more comfortable posting here than i do on my main blog. so. sorry if you have been trying to talk to me today. it’s not u. 

ok change of plans actually. i started writing this like 40mins ago planning to write something miserable about how depressed i am but then my best friend came over for a lil while and things dont seem so bleak. i feel much better. im going to vibe n eat some ice cream instead

on a separate note tho, while im here, taylor swift’s song called seven on her latest album is so much.  i do like some of her music a lot it's a guilty pleasure. i think her songs’ lyrics can be so beautiful. im not saying i stan her but that song man i cant stop listening to it, even the music in it evoked something in me. i feel every BIT OF IT. it makes me think about being that age. so much of what she says Correlates to me. it makes me sentimental. it reminds me of me and my best friend back then. thankfully, she is still one of my closest friends now but way back when, when we were mini teens so like probably 13, something verie dramatic happened and then we were never really the same as we were when we were like seven. not to be deep or like #stand by me but i dont think anyone has friends, or friendships rather, like they did when they were young. i loved her so much, we connected on a whole other level, and it was already something i yearned for so much but this sonnnnng it makes me so emo about it. that song digs up the feelin of being that age did, the feeling that me and her shared. we were Those kids. climbing in the trees, scooping moss out of the streams. me and her found this rope swing that older kids made probably years before that was over a little creek in the woods and we’d play on it all the time. and the whole bit about “i think your house is haunted, your dad is always mad, and that must be why. and i think you should come live with me, and we can be pirates, then you wont have to cry or hide in the closet” HITS. like. i dont wanna start writing about things i dont want to be public on the internet here on my lovely little elton john blog, but that line is so MUCH. like a little too much. i remember having conversations like that with her. thats the exact type of thing she’d say to me. and she was honestly more scared of my dad than i was. we always thought our problems could be solved by just being together. and a lot of the time, they were. it was us against the world. we thought it was so easy. and the lines where she says, “i hit my peak at seven”, “are there still beautiful things?” and “before i learned civility i used to scream ferociously any time i wanted” fuccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkk . sdjfdsfjdskg all of that really speaks 2 me. the world really did seem so much different when u were that age. it was truly so magical and the memories and feelings i have from it are still so magical n special. you barely even realised JUST how good being that age was, at the time. u felt just as much as u do now but it was so new; it was so different to just BE a child. everything was so profound and intense. and that friendship was and is one of the dearest things 2 me. back then, the road ahead seemed so fun. u and ur friends were excited to get older but now there is nothing i want more than to have that youthful nonchalance and carefreeness again. u just existed and felt and did what you did. u navigated so differently. i remember another friend of mine telling me i was fearless at that age. that was the word she used. and then when i got a little older i remember dwelling on that and thinking i was no longer as “brave” or as cool as i once was because i would consider things more before just going ahead and doing them. but anyway now i want to message first friend i mentioned and just say something to her. just to let her know i was thinking about her... i know she does treasure what we had, and appreciates how we’re bonded, but i dont wanna seem weird? or too much? but i dont know if thats just me being a mentally ill, even-more-anxious 22 year old now . anyway this is no longer a fully sad post, it’s maybe just a little melancholy, but the truth is: i love my friends. i love what we had. i know we will always be friends. we’ll never get to re-experience those beautiful n precious times but im glad to have had them at all, and there will always be glimpses of them in the future

[dazaaaaaaaai]

Can we get a couple of how Dazai, Atsushi and Ranpo (separately) would treat their s/o? :3c

ok ok so I wasn’t sure if you meant treat as in how they would treat their s/o as in how they would like, behave towards their s/o in a relationship or like how they would treat their s/o to like dinner or something idk lmao (I’m not even sure if this makes sense. Engrish is h a r d). i kind of went with the first, but it kind of turned into general relationships hcs , sorry. I do hope you will enjoy it tho because I kind of overdid it lol 

How Dazai, Atsushi, and Ranpo would treat their s/o: 

They areall good boys and would treat their s/o well!!!!!

Dazai

Dazai hastrouble letting his guard down around people since he has a hard time trustingpeople. He’s really afraid of being disappointed by people. He doesn’t wantpeople to be the superficial people they too often end up being in his eyes.Although, if he’s serious about his relationship with his s/o, and if his s/ois serious about trying to understand him, then he would gradually lower hisguard and he would allow his s/o to at least attempt to unravel him. Dazaidoesn’t fully understand himself, having someone trying to understand him isweird for him. Building a good, healthy relationship with his s/o is going totake time. Trust is important in relationships but Dazai really needs to workon it. Dazai would never treat his s/o badly but warm feelings for someone andbeing accepted for who he is, is new for him, so in the beginning of arelationship there might be some reluctance from his side. This does not meanthat he’s going to treat his s/o badly. No, he just does not completely trustthem as of yet but he really is working on it. He does want this relationshipto work out.

Dazai isn’tthe type to just start a relationship (Although he definitely is the type to sleep around a lot).  He doesn’t even like himself a whole lotso he likely wouldn’t understand why someone would actually like him. He mighteven be afraid of himself, afraid of being even less a human than all of thepeople in the world. His s/o would probably (unless they are assholes and soonto be dumped) really come to accept him completely for who is and it would makeDazai so so happy.

Woulddefinitely do everything for his s/o and would be willing to die for them. Hewouldn’t just tell his s/o that though, but his s/o would just know that theymean the world to him. Dazai isn’t the best at conveying his own emotions eventhough he is really great at reading others. Still, through small gestures andremarks, through the soft look in his eyes, through letting his s/o in, his s/owould know what and how much they mean to him.

Dazai willgrow fiercely protective of his s/o. He will use his wits to his advantage ifanyone even dares to hurt them. He will and sure that they regret it for therest of their lives.

Dazai isvery observant and if his s/o is having an off-day/not feeling well, he willdefinitely notice and will do everything to make his s/o feel better.

He’s stilla brat though. He’s a huge tease and would definitely try pranking his s/o just towind them up. He loves pushing buttons. He thinks it’s cute when his s/o reactsto his pranks and his teasing, but he does not mean any ill will and knows whento stop but he just loves to push buttons just a little. He won’t cross the line but he will try to come as close to that line as possible. 

Would enjoybuying his s/o gifts every now and then. None of his s/o’s most secret desiresare a secret to him. He will definitely notice when his s/o quietly eyes a niceblouse just a bit longer than usual while they are quickly passing by thewindow of a shop. He will never get enough of the look in your eyes when hebuys them exactly the right thing.

Will show he cares through lots of spur-of-the-moment stuff like impromptu dates. If a great idea for a date just pops up in his mind he would be really excited to just do it and he will definitely make you drop whatever his s/o is doingand will take his s/o on the date! He loves taking his s/o anywhere really.

Woulddefinitely allow his s/o to use and take belongings that he normally wouldn’tlet anyone else use, like his headphones (but they shouldn’t use his headphonestoo much because they can’t hear him talking when they’re listening to musicand Dazai would definitely hate not getting enough attention from his s/o.)

Atsushi

Atsushi wouldprobably have no dating experience at first and would be at a loss. He’s the typeto freak out about lots of things will definitely kind of suck at the communicationspart of the relationship at first.

He mightnot pick up all of his s/o’s habits at first and he might misinterpret someactions and conversations. If a date for example doesn’t go as planned, he willpanic. He’s quite prone to overthinking, but that’s just mostly because of hisown insecurities. Will do his best to make up whatever mistake he thinks he hasmade, but chances are that his s/o didn’t even make a big deal out if it in thefirst place.

Will alwayswalk his s/o home, even during the day. He’s protective and he will lose it ifanyone dares to touch his s/o. Also, he just really likes chatting with his s/owhile walking somewhere and will try to compliment his s/o a lot, but not toomuch of course. Like a good boyfriend he doesn’t want to overcompliment themand come off wrong or weird.

Will growmore confident in himself in the relationship over time and will really open upand become so comfortable with just completely being hundred percent himself around his s/o and just tell his s/o all the small things he notices during the day that aren’t really big, but still interesting to him in some way and he will also really open up about his past in the orphanage. He will make sure that his s/o will be totally comfortable with being themselves around him. 

As time passes by he will have figured outhis s/o pretty well and will know how to make them flustered and he might evendare to tease them! He just really likes his s/o!

He’s really big on morningtexts and good night texts! He never forgets to text!  Not really the type to call unless it’surgent. His first thought in the morning and before bed will be about his s/oand he will let them know that. To Atsushi, it’s the little things that count! (Bonus points for his s/o if his s/o beats him to texting them in the morning or before bed!)

Lovestreating his s/o to whatever with whatever money he can miss. Will buy smallpresents and take them out for dinner whenever he can. He, too loves seeing the smile on his s/o when he buys them exactly the right thing. 

Ranpo

Ranpo likelyhasn’t been in many serious relationships, if any at all. So even though Ranpowould really want to treat his s/o well, he might not… As in, he’s a deeplytraumatized individual still acting like a child while he’s already 26. (Noshade! Don’t kill me)

Once he’sin a serious relationship with someone, his inability to perform well in aneveryday situation might actually frustrate him. Ranpo is often blunt, to thepoint of actually being rude. How he was to be perceived by society isn’tsomething that would really bother him (if he even notices. No, I think hedoes, but it’s not of high enough importance. His childish nature is probably acoping mechanism and welcome to another episode of all the bsd character need mentalhelp). He can’t do simple things like taking the subway either and those thingsmight complicate a modern, mutual, healthy relationship. Yeah, it will definitelyfrustrate him. It might frustrate his s/o. If he’s serious about his s/o and hewill be, then he will try. He will try his so hard to the point he mightactually break down at some point when he fails to not completely mess up thefairly easy recipe for boiled tofu again or when he’s a bit insensitive againto his s/o because he just really notices everything about them and he justcannot not notice.

So hetries. He tries really hard. He notices everything about his s/o. He deductseverything there is to know about their s/o from the way they put on theirshoes, to the way they advert their eyes while being teased, from the books theyread, etc. He will know when his s/o is not feeling well and will try so hardto make them feel better, but in the beginning he might not always be assuccessful, because not everyone loves his snacks as much as he does, but hewill learn over time. That’s a given. He will improve.

One day hemight actually take his s/o on the subway to show off just how well he knowsthe subway (he memorized the maps and knows every station) and he will cook hiss/o their favorite food someday without setting the kitchen on fire and he willdefinitely grow to know exactly when not to push his s/o’s buttons.

He will getthere and will be the best detective and the best boyfriend in the world! (Justbe there for him s/o don’t be a fucking coward!!!!!!)

He willalso really like sharing snacks with his s/o. One of his favorite dates will definitelybe just buying a shitload of snacks separately and then sharing them all togetherwhile sitting on his bed or something. 

y’all i really overdid this. don’t expect all my posts to be this long, especially when more than 1 character is requested. Also I’m not really content with Dazai’s and Ranpo, I can’t really figure them out as of yet.

I also didn’t proofread because I’m lazy and I probably wouldn’t be satisfied if I did proofread and change everything  but I do hope you enjoyed, anon. I did enjoy writing it tho yeeeeeeeeeeehaw

[83gigsof90semocore-blog]

Bonus post: Everybody Hurts - Review

So the letter D is going along nicely, but before that I'm going to do something quite different, namely a book review.

My hope is that my pseudo-academic academic style will be complemented nicely by exploring what other people have written on the genre. I hope to do more of these eventually, but probably not at a too steady rate because I can be rather lazy when it comes to reading.

Everybody hurts is a book published in 2007 that was written by Leslie Simon, who at the time worked as an editor for Alternative Press and Trevor Kelly who worked as a staff writer, also for Alternative Press. The book is actually quite different from my blog in many respects. Aside from the obvious ones, it isn't specifically focused on 90's emo but instead on what in 2007 was considered contemporary emo. Also unlike my blog it's focused on emo culture (the cover says "an essential guide to emo culture") as opposed to just music.

Some background: The 4th wave, Real Emo and the death of Scene culture

Part of what makes this book interesting to me is that it's very much a product of its time. The story that it tells about the music and community surrounding it is incredibly different than what would have been told in the 90's and even more so today.

So, first some basics: Emo is a very broad term that at many points have meant different things. One popular way to categorize it is by splitting it into 4 (or 5) waves. We have the first wave which refers to the offshoot of hardcore-punk that is the origin of the genre. The second wave is much more influenced by indie, alt-rock and pop. It's much less overtly punky, depending on where you draw the line between first and second wave. The third wave (which corresponds to the time period when this book was written) consists to a large degree of pop-punk and poppy post-hardcore. This is the period of time in which emo music was the most commercially successful and emo culture was properly cemented in the public conciousness. Finally, we have the fourth wave also known as the "emo revival". Now, this is where things get interesting.

As the name implies, emo revival was a movement concerned with bringing back emo to an earlier stage, namely the second wave. As such, many people associated with the revival where to some degree self-concious about the way "their" genre was misinterpreted as being about something else, namely third wave emo. Emo culture at the time was often mocked and the more commercial emo music wasn't looked upon favourably in underground circles. Fourth wave wasn't just a re-embrace of the values of the second wave but a rejection of the third wave.

I should also mention that this isn't nearly as true as it used to be now that enough time has passed for people to be nostalgic sooner than derisive, although it's an assumption that is very much woven into contemporary emo culture.

The history of emo as told from a fourth wave perspective would generally look on the third wave as an embarrassing parenthesis that we'd be better of forgetting. Some people have even gone as far as referring to the bulk of the third wave as "fake emo", being emo in name only while failing to embrace the core values of the genre sufficiently to be considered part of it.

So, this is where this book comes in. Being written in 2007, instead of viewing third wave emo as a heretical misstep, it's treated as the logical conclusion of the genre.

Emo as an identity

Another contrast with modern-day emo culture is it's treatment of emo as almost more of an identity than a music genre. This is also very typical of the time period. I'm born in the mid 90's, and my first exposure to the word emo (as I remember it) was when I was perhaps 10 or so and a friend told me about "a group of mentally ill people who dress in black and self harm". Not even a mention of the music! From then on my pre-pubescent self was mostly exposed to Emo as an identity. Sure, they had a special type of music that they listened to, but it wasn't any more integral to their emo-ness than their fashion for example.

Fast forward to today and I would never unironically call myself or anyone else "an emo", and I don't think almost anyone else would either. The understanding of emo that you find by modern fans is of something that might have cultural connotations, but is ultimately a style of music at heart.

While the authors where a lot more familiar with what emo in general than my 10 year old self and also saw music as a more central part of it, it is very informed by the view of Emo as a broader identity and only a small part of the book is actually about music.

My impression

The book starts of with a foreword by Andy Greenwald, author of Nothing feels good: Punk Rock, Teenagers, And Emo, a book that I'm hoping to eventually cover on this blog.

Then we get to the first chapter, titled ideology. For a second I (foolishly) thought that it would be a Žižek-style examination of pop-culture or something, and got very exited. Reading a few words below, we get a faux dictionary definition of the word:

ide•ol•o•gy n a body of ideas and social needs that separates you from your parents, the pep squad, and Dave Matthews Band fans.

Žižek was never this snarky.

After appropriately adjusting my expectations, snark is a constant background noise in the book. It's sometimes funny, sometimes making fun of a target that deserves it, sometimes an excuse to not treat a subject seriously and sometimes something that has aged quite poorly (ableist slurs stand out like a sore thumb, something it generally didn't in 2007).

The book is divided in 9 chapters, discussing everything from emo ideology, emo fashion, emo literature to emo eating habits and oh right, actual emo music. I generally found that the book was quite well researched (although it is an entertainment book, so it's not exactly done with any academic rigor) and that the authors where happy on going in to detail on most of the subjects they brought up. The facts and anecdotes that make up every chapter are accompanied by either helpful advice ("Don't put on a band shirt right after buying it from the merch table, you'll look like an emo novice") or snarky commentary ("Let's say that a guy and his crush watched One Tree Hill a week earlier with a group of seven of their friends. Never mind that there where nine people in the room. In emo terms, this was a date.")

One section of the book is about emo blogs. Just for fun, let's see how my emo blog measures up:

[From the section "how to emo-fy your blog" [...] you're going to want to look over your text and ask yourself a series of questions before hitting the "submit" button and releasing your deepest, most intimate thoughts into the world. Those questions are as follows:

Does this read well?

Am I making my points in a clear and efficient way?

Did I use actual paragraphs?

Did I capitalize all the words that need capitalisation?

Is this what my life is actually like?

Ok, 5. doesn't really apply but for the others it seems like I'm doing fine. So far, so good.

If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you should probably scrap your post and start over. Ideally, a good emo blog post should be over dramatic and a bit abstruse. You know the magnets you see on fridges that people sometimes assemble into bizarre phrases? That's what emo posts are supposed to look like

Well, fuck.

Chapter 6: Music - a review

While it can be anywhere from amusing to interesting to read about everything from proper show etiquette to Emo porn sites (yes, seriously), this being a music blog first and foremost I'm gonna give some extra attention to their taste in music.

They have a section titled "Essential Emo Records 101". So what does it consist of and what do I think of it?

Rites of Spring, S/T

Embrace, S/T

Sunny Day Real Estate, Diary

Jawbreaker, Dear You

Lifetime, Hello Bastards

Texas is the Reason, Do You Know Who You Are?

Weezer, Pinkerton

The Promise Ring, Nothing Feels Good

The Get Up Kids, Something To Write Home About

Jimmy Eat World, Clarity

So far, so good. Lifetime is almost never talked about these days, but Hello Bastards is still a solid record. Mineral, American Football and Cap'n Jazz are all absent, although American Football and Cap'n Jazz weren't very popular until a long time after they split, so it's not that strange I suppose. They would be impossible to not include had the list been written today though. All the bands are accompanied by some text. For the first two albums they snarkily remark that they're not so much good as important historically. I believe that this comes from viewing the history of as stepping stones to what it was when this book was written and not with an attempt to see emo as it was at the time which I think is disappointing although not very surprising.

Saves the Day, Through Being Cool

Glassjaw, Everything You Ever Wanted

At the Drive-in, Relationship of Command

Bright Eyes, Fever and Mirrors

Thursday, Full Collapse

Dashboard Confessional, The Places You Have Come To Fear the Most

Taking Back Sunday, Tell All Your Friends

The Used, S/T

The All-American Rejects, S/T

Brand New, Deja Entendu

Coheed and Cambria, In Keeping Secrets of Silent Earth: 3

Yellowcard, Ocean Avenue

Hawthorne Heights, The Silence in Black and White

My Chemical Romance, Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge

Fall Out Boy, From Under the Cork Tree

Panic! At the Disco, A Fever You Can't Sweat Out

There are a couple of albums that I personally don't really think qualify as emo even from a third wave point of view (although, maybe I'm just too poisoned by 4th wave elitism) namely Fevers and Mirrors, In Keeping Secrets of Silent Earth: 3 and A Fever You Can't Sweat Out. I do still think that at least the first two at least are quite good so it's more of a matter of being overly loose with the genre. Although, maybe it's worth interpreting this list as more "music that emo people like" rather than "emo music" in line with the rest of the book. I did honestly think that it would be a bit worse in terms of including "non-emo" music so I'm honestly positively surprised. The authors do in my opinion manage to escape with a good amount of emo cred.

One thing that I'm disappointed in is the complete absence of screamo music, although this is once again more disappointing than surprising really.

Final verdict

One helpful question to ask when reviewing any piece of media is "who is this for?". My impression is that it's mostly for people who are already immersed in Emo culture who are interested in laughing at themselves. It is a very silly subculture in many ways (particularly in 2007) and the authors poke fun of this many times. If you can take it in stride, this book might be a pleasant read. You might also learn some things that you have missed.

For people such as me who are trying to puzzle together what emo culture actually was like at the time I find that the snark gets in the way of actually learning things, and I wish that they had taken a slightly more serious approach. The book could also have done with a lot more interviews.

Ultimately I think this leaves the book with a quite narrow audience in the present day, but that's fine maybe. At the time it came out it was actually commenting on something culturally relevant and might have served as a decent primer to the subculture.

Today however, I think that I can only really recommend it to the unhealthily obsessed (like me) and the nostalgic.

[mrnibblesleviathan]

Entry 5.1: Silhouette

We’re not posting links at the start of these anymore because tumblr staff is a bunch of assholes. Fic hyperlinks can be found at the main blog page. Sorry.

Ryley was surprised to find Bart standing in front of the window from the workstation as they came back from their daily gathering of building materials. He seemed almost fine today. Didn't look like he'd fall at any second.

He greeted Ryley at the moonpool with an excited voice. "Hey, pal! What did you get for me today?"

"Copper, Titanium, Silver. How you feeling?" Ryley asked, signing. They were progressing, little by little. That was a sentence that was useful enough for them to remember most times.

"I'm feeling as great as someone who's got space plague can be." He answered with a smile, watching Ryley climb out of the pool. "I only blacked out once today.” He waved at them when Ryley crossed their arms in disapproval.  “Hey, don't worry, I'm better now. I just wanted to see how the cuddlefish was doing. I climbed the ladder to the aquarium. Maybe I shouldn't have done that." Bart apologized, turning his head away.

Ryley noticed a certain frustration in that gesture. They looked at him, trying to remember the sign for the wrong in “what’s wrong”. Unable to remember, they resolved for "what's up" instead. Bart seemed to get it.

"Sometimes... I feel like I'll never get better." He confessed. "I should have accepted this already. I've been living with this disability for years now, but..." He shook his head, sighing. "Trying to do anything usually means pushing myself." He told them, more for his own sake than theirs. "Trying to study means giving myself a headache, trying to climb a ladder means passing out. Even just doing nothing is uncomfortable. I can't remember a time where being awake didn't hurt."

Ryley sighed, letting that sink in. It was still hard for them, to listen to Bart talk about his pain. Of course, being in pain was even worse for Bart, and they understood that, but it made them feel so useless. They could fabricate him some medication, do their best to give him comfort, but in the end, specially after seeing him talk about it as a disability, rather than a disease, they knew that illness wasn’t going away. At least not any time soon.

"But you are... going... better", they answered. Even though they mistook the sign for "getting" to "going", it still made sense. They pulled out the PDA from the Compressed Inventory and started typing. "I’ve been watching you get better. It's only been a few days, and look! You're back to walking again. You're already decorating the base with new plants! You’ve made so much progress!"

"C'mon, Ryley, I told you to sign." Bart smirked. "You already learned a lot of these words."

Ryley stopped typing, making a pouty face. They did their best to remember the next words, so they could sign them off. "I… think…  I know what you need." They said. And then, fast and surprisingly, they grabbed Bart and threw him on their back. To be fair, Bart weighed about as much as a sack of fiber mesh, it wasn’t hard.

"WH..." Bart gasped. "What are we doing? Ryley what the-"

His words were cut short when Ryley threw him out into the moonpool, making water splash in all directions. They quickly grabbed his helmet, resting inside his personal locker, and cannonballed into the sea with him. 

Bart was still gasping and coughing when they arrived at the second base, the separate half from Ryley's habitat. They helped Bart through the hatch, laughing as he stared at them in confusion.

"A warning next time would be nice, you know?" He complained. "But I'm glad you finally brought me here. I've been wanting to see what you kept..."

He forgot to finish the sentence, as he saw the enormous two-story aquarium in front of him. On the floor, a multitude of assorted vines and mushrooms were growing, and between them, at least five different alien eggs were shimmering and pulsating. A few creatures were already hatched. Four different sharks - two stalkers, one boneshark and one sandshark. A crashfish. And even two unbelievably tiny crabsnakes. Compared to the size - and behavior - of the adults, it was obvious they were all juveniles. Most of those species would never tolerate or even fit within the same space as each other.

Ryley smiled at their friend. “Research Facility. I have… unknown eggs here.” They signed, a little unsure, despite having prepared for this.  “You can go in. Friendly.” They opened the hatch and held out a hand, leading their friend in.

“Wait, stop for just a second, magic can resume in 2 minutes.” Bart held up his hands, a burning question came to mind now that he’s seen Ryley’s aquarium.  “Is this how you scanned a boneshark?”

Ryley laughed and shook their head. They paused for a minute with a small smirk before they popped in the hatch and went up to the boneshark, miming punches at the young creature before patting it’s head and swimming back to the hatch.

Bart was speechless for a moment, but not long. “You. You’re trying to tell me you boxed a boneshark.” 

Ryley nodded and grinned.  “Yes. I punched…” Ryley frowned, making a few frustrated noises before starting to sign “bone”, then shook their head. They took their two hands, wrists together, so that the two hooked fingers on each hand made teeth for a mouth. Ryley grinned, they seemed very pleased with themselves.

“Look at you! Communicating! Making a sign for a species that doesn’t exist on Earth! Boneshark, right?” Bart returned Ryley’s grin with a beam of his own as they excitedly nodded. “Still doesn’t excuse boxing a boneshark. By the stars, how are you even alive?”

“Coming?” Ryley put out their hand again, totally ignoring their friend, and pulled Bart into the tank. Immediately, the fish swarmed the two of them.  Bart was fascinated, he’d never been able to see these creatures so close before, at least not without the imminent threat of bodily harm.

“They’re beautiful. So friendly too, did you train them at all?” Bart smiled as he pet the crabsnake that was swimming its way around his arms. It’s crust was soft, wigglier than the adult ones. Would probably harden into their crab armour in an older age.

“No. They… Don’t mind?” Ryley signed, shrugging to try and show they’re confused. Bart smiled, shrugging back and turning his attention to the predators swimming in circles around him. Ryley smiled at their friend, playing with the docile would-be predators.  The stalkers seemed to enjoy bopping their noses into him, sending him off balance with a comical oof.  Bart laughed, and it wasn’t quite as full as it had been years ago, but it still sounded like music to Ryley. How did they miss seeing that boy’s happy face again.

But it seemed the moment wasn’t to last.

Ryley folded over behind Bart, stifling a groan. Their vision filled with blue, and an echoing voice filled their ears. “Remember that you were never alone.” The blue image of a majestic creature filled their head to the point of bursting. They could vaguely hear a voice calling to them, reminding them of the friend they had to watch for. The blue shimmered again as they opened their eyes, looking for Bart past the lights in their vision. Just as the world was dimming, they felt themselves fall downwards. Then the blue faded, leaving an afterglow that burned their eyes, and a nasty headache throbbing across the top of their head. Rubbing their forehead, they looked up to where their legs were still half in the hatch, along with a frustrated and concerned Bart.

“I hope you know just how hard it was to get your giant ass out of that tiny hole.” Bart grumbled as he tried to remove their feet from the hatch, which Ryley politely decided to help with.  Then he ungracefully tumbled out of the hatch himself and sat down on the floor next to his friend. “What the fuck just happened?”

Oh, swears. Bart must have been really shaken up. Ryley themself could barely understand their situation as well, but still pulled out their PDA with shaking hands and tried to type. After a few trial and errors, they finally let it start speaking.

“I had some kind of vision. It was glowing in my eyes and left a headache all over my head. It was like the shadow of a creature, and all I could see were four bright eyes. It was trying to talk to me.” They tapped at the screen, backing up more than not. They rubbed at their face before the voice sounded again, “Could make out it saying I wasn’t alone. And it sounded comforting, rather than threatening.” They kept their eyes in their hands. Mostly from the residual headache, though partly trying to find a focal point to get their brain back together. What was that?

“So you’ve seen her too.” Bart whispered. “The visions… Dad thought I’d gone mad. Island sickness, he told Maida that one day. Didn’t talk about it much with me. He tried to keep scarce when the fits happened.” Bart looked down at his hands. “After they died, the visions weren’t as frequent. But they said a lot of comforting things too. I never knew whether to hate ‘em or love ‘em. After all, until now I thought I was just crazy.”

Ryley looked up, once again wishing so hard they could speak. There was no way to interpret that event, except that…

“It seems we’re not alone in this planet. There’s a sentient being out there, trying to reach us. A friendly one, if we’re reading this correctly.” They typed.

“A friendly one. A friend. Gods we might have a friend out there” Bart sighed, in relief, and waved his head. “For once a welcome change. Let me have this moment, Ryler, I might just be able to sleep better at night.” They both laughed.

[did-somebody-say-exorcism]

Headcanons: The Children of E Class

I wanted to keep all of my online presences as separate as possible, but the cat’s out of the bag now. I’m Professional Magical Girl on Fanfiction dot net, author of Great Teacher Nagisa, Fake Smiles, and some other miscellaneous AssClass fics. If you are here because of those fics, don’t ask about the url, it’s an inside joke between me and some old high school friends that just stuck. You can follow me if you want, but be warned that my posts are sporadic and generally about Evangelion.

Ah-hem. Anyway, I’m writing a long fic that involves my headcanons about the children of, you guessed it, E Class characters. So here is a master post of all of them. This is subject to be edited at any given time (I will inform my readers in an AN if any major changes have been made). If I don’t list a character here, I probably don’t headcanon them as having children. Or maybe I couldn’t come up with names for the kids yet. But ask away if you have questions about that. I’d prefer to be PM’d on FFN because I get emails for those, but using the ask/message feature on tumblr works too. You can call me Samantha, Professional Magical Girl, did-somebody-say-exorcism, or any variation of any of those.

And yes, I did get this idea from what TheRoseShadow21/Aki-chan2014 did with her headcanons for Ending the End Class. Yes, I did ask for her permission to do the same. Professional Magical Girl is many things, but disingenuous is not one of them.

The premise for Teenage Wasteland (read here: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12856407/1/Teenage-Wasteland ) is: Some of the children of former E Class end up in the assassination classroom as a result of time travel. In some cases they will replace their parents, in others they coexist beside them. Not all of these characters will time travel, I’m still debating where to cut the fat. The characters whose names are bolded will definitely be major characters.

Nagisa and Kayano

Backstory: All of Kayano/Akari’s pregnancies were unintentional and back-to-back, leaving her and Nagisa rather unprepared. In spite of their jobs, they were also the first of E Class to have children. Akari managed to hide the children’s existences for many years, often by portraying pregnant characters or by hiding behind countertops. Kayano/Akari, after retiring from show business, now only leaves the house in disguises. All three of the girls are very short and tiny.

Aguri Shiota- Nagisa and Kayano/Akari’s first child, and the viewpoint character and protagonist of Teenage Wasteland. She is very quiet and observant, and as such others seem to see her as dependable, even Kaito (see below) notes her admiringly. While normally an even-tempered person, she is prone to episodes of moodiness, especially after the time travel event. It was rumored that she was born in her mother’s dressing room between shooting scenes for a movie that would later win an Academy Award, but she herself doubts this. She is named after her late aunt (obviously). Very, very much a daddy’s girl. Birthday: June 26, 2024

Hotaru Shiota- Nagisa and Kayano’s middle daughter. She is sweet and bubbly and often plays the comic relief. Her sister describes her as ‘getting calmer the angrier she gets.’ This mood of hers is invoked in the event that she is lied too, which she cannot stand above all else. She also has the ability to hear what people are saying from a distance away, a talent that is made useful many times. Birthday: July 12, 2025

Fujiko Shiota- The youngest of the three girls. She has a severe illness that I will not yet identify (this is a plot point). All of her family is very protective of her. She has a room full of stuffed animals and aggressively sings showtunes at karaoke. She doesn’t feature prominently until the end of the fic. Birthday: June 16, 2026

 Karma and Okuda

Madoka Tachibana (Akabane)- Okuda’s daughter from her first marriage, though Karma adopted her when they married and she calls him ‘Dad’. She has very little contact with her biological father and sees him twice a year at most.  She is easily flustered and is usually the last one to get the joke. She is very close to her half-brother. Birthday: September 16, 2031

Hikaru Akabane- Prankster and musical theatre geek. He is usually the one to hatch some hairbrained scheme to get E Class to their goals at the moment, however mundane those goals may be. Birthday: March 1, 2034

 Isogai

Koyo and Chiyo Isogai- Twins. They both have very jovial attitudes and are excellent students. Koyo is rumored to be the most attractive guy in the whole school. They have no enemies… That we know of. Birthday: February 14, 2031

 Maehara

Backstory: Maehara, predictably, continued to be… himself throughout his young adult life. He was married to the mother of his oldest child, but after they divorced he went back to dating lots of different people, and was on again and off again with the mother of his two younger kids for years. He seems to still want to impress Okano, but suspects that she wants nothing to do with him.

Fumihiko Maehara- Athletic, popular, funny, but is seriously clueless when it comes to girls. Birthday: October 5, 2028

Hatsune Nakano- She gets on well with her older half-brother, not so much her younger full brother. She doesn’t seem to have the best opinion of her father either. Birthday: May 30, 2031

Shiori Nakano- Does not feature as a prominent character. I’m only listing him for posterity’s sake. Birthday: January 7, 2034

 Kataoka

Takahiro Aruta- He is usually the one to take charge in any leadership role, and the rest of the class seems to trust him and feel at peace around him. Aguri describes him as ‘the protective type’. It is a running gag that cats love him and always flock towards him. Birthday: September 3, 2029

Kinoko Aruta- She is very sneaky and loves to eavesdrop and spy in places where she isn’t allowed to be. Aguri speculates that she “Has dirt on all of them”. She knows all the ins and outs of the main campus, some of which she claims she only knows because she bribed one of the five virtuosos (though this may be a joke). Birthday: October 12, 2031

 Sugino

Kintaro Sugino- He and Nobuhiko’s mother left them, in the middle of the night to run away to Fukuoka. It was later uncovered that she was running from the law. Kintaro was five, just old enough to know he was abandoned, and according to Aguri, ‘never really got over that hurt’. They have not seen their mother since, and were raised by their father and stepmother. He is shown to be rather sensitive and gets saddened very easily, he will deadass steal the remote out of someone else’s hands to change the channel if that sad abused pet commercial comes on the tv. He has a crush on Fujiko. Birthday: September 28, 2028

Nobuhiko Sugino- Aguri describes him as being ‘very pure’, he seems to always have an optimistic outlook and doesn’t even remember his biological mother or feel any resentment towards her. He is a terrible judge of character, and is easily influenced by those around him. He seems to look up to Satoru (see below). Birthday: November 2, 2030

Minoru Sugino- Sugino’s son with his second wife. Freaking adorable, but probably will not time travel. Birthday: March 21, 2037

 Kanzaki

Satsuki Kanou- The ‘straightforward’ one, usually playing the straight man to the shenanigans of the others. It is a running gag that she is very stingy with money and will attempt to cut corners wherever possible (for example, she suggests that the giant pudding be made with soymilk instead of regular milk, because soymilk was on sale). Birthday: May 15, 2029

Sayaka Kanou- Kanzaki’s younger daughter. Her sister fusses over her endlessly. Birthday: July 7, 2031

Chiba and Hayami

Satoru Chiba- Along with Satsuki, he is seen as the most level headed of the children, thought he is much less straightlaced than her. Kaguya (see below) has said of him that ‘he could be multiplied by 10 and I wouldn’t mind or notice’. By nature, he is very helpful and is especially kind to children and animals. Unfortunately for him, this is excessive to the point that he acts like a doormat and allows people to take advantage of him. Birthday: June 6, 2027

Midori Chiba- She's the sassy and sarcastic one, and gets in trouble frequently for dressing out of code. She always wears the same pink scarf, no matter what time of year it is. She cannot get along with Satsuki, who calls her ’difficult and argumentative’, while she accuses Satsuki of being ‘stuck-up’. Also a massive Daddy's girl. Birthday: August 2, 2029

 Nakamura

Backstory here: Nakamura moved to Los Angeles after studying abroad in London, and just wound up never leaving. She married a well-to-do golf course manager, who is 100% behind her prank war on the local Home Owner’s Association. After 19 years of marriage and two kids, he left her for the girl across the street. She eventually marries Gakushuu Asano. When Karma heard of this, he literally almost died laughing because he thought it was a joke. (That does not happen yet during Teenage Wasteland, it’s just sort of an aside.)

Her kids were dropped into this timeline and location, with little skills in Japanese. This is a plot point on several occasions.

Liam Carmichael- Athlete. He is shown to be somewhat reserved and keeps the secrets of others well. He also has a good relationship with his mother, taking her advice to heart. He has a bromance with Satoru. Birthday: December 19, 2027

Jeffery Carmichael- Think of the Weasely twins, but one person. Aguri refers to him as having ‘corrupted’ Nobuhiko by teaching him dirty jokes. He has a crush on Midori. Birthday: October 26, 2029

 Hazama

Minami Minnaoka- Her mother is stuck in a loveless marriage to a benefactor of the library she worked at. Minami observes this, and openly wishes that they would divorce. She mostly sticks to herself, but is shown to be friends with Kaguya. Kaito (see below) has described her as a ‘complicated wreck’. Birthday: November 1, 2030

 Yoshida

Kaguya Yoshida- She is considerably droll and witty, which makes her admired by some and feared by others. Midori has affectionately dubbed her ‘The Queen’. Birthday: July 5, 2030

 Hara

Tadaharu Konoda- Has severe chuunibyou. His current dream is to move to America and become an NFL star. Birthday: April 9, 2028

Fumiya Konoda- For reasons unknown, he has earned the nickname “barrel of monkeys”. Birthday: February 26, 2030

 Okano

Kaito Suzuki- He frequently bickers with others (namely Minami), and is generally a bit of an asshole. Aguri speculates that this is because of his parents’ bitter divorce. Whatever the reason, he immediately drops his act around Aguri, as if he respects her. Is shockingly good at math, but not many other subjects. Birthday: November 28, 2029

 Kurahashi

Chitose Mizushima- Her father is the mailman, and describes himself as ‘the best damn mailman in history’ (he also moonlights as an amateur musician). She is described as being breathtakingly beautiful, and has several admirers, including Satoru, Masahiro, and Nobuhiko. She is also tone-deaf (this is played for comedy). Birthday: August 6, 2028

Tarou Mizushima- Her beloved younger brother. It is a running gag that he will always try to help with something, but will usually end up unintentionally ruining it or screwing it up even more. A bit bumbling, but well meaning. Birthday: July 27, 2030

 Kimura

I don’t have any headcanons for these two yet, just names and birthdays. It’s a work in progress.

Masahiro Kimura- Birthday: April 25, 2028

Haruki Kimura- Birthday: April 30, 2032

 Fuwa

Kaworu Miyazawa- He was born through IVF, as his parents had been trying unsuccessfully for a child of many years. As such, he is treated as if he were very fragile, ‘as if he might break’ (according to Aguri’s description), which could not be further from the truth. Birthday: January 3, 2035

[calliopesquill]

A Year in the Life - Chapter 4

Okay, I couldn’t resist. I was going to wait until tomorrow to post the next chapter but I have been going so hard working on later chapters today I had to post it early.

Thank you all so much for your support and all of your wonderful comments. Talking with you and getting your feedback has really made my week. I know a lot of readers are leery about oc-inserts so I really want to thank you for giving Nell a chance. One of the most comments I have gotten is how much you like her and how well she fits in the canon world. That is something I work really hard to achieve in my characters so I am so glad that you all like what I have done with her.

And now without further delay, on with the story!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 4: Once Upon a Time

         Miguel spent his lunch hour that monday in the library. After discovering that they didn’t have a particularly wide selection of graphic novels he turned to the internet. Nell had said that she’d done a webcomic as well. Maybe her website would help him figure out who he was dealing with.  Just because Nell seemed decent so far didn’t mean she actually was. His experience with Ernesto De la Cruz had taught him that. Hadn’t De la Cruz been kind at first? Hadn’t he saved him from drowning? But behind the smiles and dramatic persona was a selfish, self-absorbed creature who was more than willing to kill to get what he wanted.

         Not that Miguel thought that Nell would be anywhere as bad as De la Cruz had been, but he wanted to get a little more background on her before he decided to tell her anything else.

         A quick Google search had given him the basics. Penelope Rey. (Miguel snorted at that. Penelope? No wonder she went by Nell.) Twenty-five years old. Born in Kelowna, Canada. (Okay, so she wasn’t American, but he’d been close.) Published her first stand-alone graphic novel at twenty-two and recently released the last volume of the trilogy she’d been working on. Most of her books were of the urban-fantasy sort, or contained some hints of “other”. The webcomic, which she’d started while she was in university, was about a magical girl who discovers that she has inadvertently been working for an evil power the whole time, and sets about on a quest of redemption to make things right.

         Not really his thing (he was more into the masked-crusader/folk-hero/luchador genre) but the splash pages and banners on the website intrigued him enough that he clicked the link that would take him to the first page of the comic. Right away he was hooked. The art-style was dramatic but not cluttered or overdone, and her heroine spoke like someone he would meet on the street, with only a minimum of cliche comic book-style dialogue. Her characters were diverse and compelling and her villain…. Miguel shuddered. Oh she was so creepy! Sly and manipulative and calculating under a veneer of support and encouragement. You didn’t even get the hint that there was something wrong about her until you were over a year into the plotline.

         He had just gotten to the part of the story where the main character discovered she’d been played when the five-minute warning bell rang.

         Miguel jumped, almost falling out of his chair. How had the lunch hour gone by so fast? Quickly he closed the browser, logging off of the computer as he grabbed his book bag, then took off out of the library to get to class.

         Miguel’s talk of alebrijes stuck with Nell, and after a few days of independent research she decided to approach approach one of the craftsmen from the plaza.

         Sebastien Berardo had been in the business for many years. Some of his earliest memories were of sitting with his father in his workshop, watching him work. He learned the craft at his father’s side, how to shape and sand the wood to bring out the fantastic creatures inside, and the types of paints and glazes that brought out the best color. He also learned how to deal with the public, from the closest of neighbors to the loudest of tourists.

         When Nell first started asking questions he started with the basic history of the craft.

         Alebrijes had first been created by the artist Pedro Linares in the early 1930’s. The story went that he had become very ill, and had dreamed of a beautiful forest populated by incredible, colorful hybrid creates that called themselves alebrijes. Horned roosters, winged snakes and donkeys, a thousand creatures of infinite strange and wonderful combinations. Inspired, he began to create carnival masks and religious figures of these creatures to sell in the markets of Mexico City. His unique pieces had attracted the attention of a prominent gallery owner who wanted to showcase the pieces, and even Diego Rivera and Frida Kahlo sought him out for commissions. Now most alebrije figures were carved from copal wood, in the pre-Hispanic woodcarving tradition of the local Zapotec culture.

         “And you still make all of these by hand?” Nell asked, crouching to take a closer look at the delicately articulated figure of a winged snake that was coiled upon the table.

         Sebastien nodded proudly. “Each piece is crafted in our family workshop. My son Filipe, he is studying art in university. He painted many of these.”

         “They’re beautiful. I love the colors.” It was like seeing an entire summer’s worth of color condensed into a single small figure. “At what point did they started becoming associated with spirit guides? By some of the descriptions they are kind of similar to the Aztec nagual.”

         “It is possible,” Sebastien conceded with an uncertain shrug. He’d never really considered that, but there were certainly some similarities.

         Nell liked the idea. After Miguel had first brought up the idea of spirit guides she’d ended up going on a bit of a research binge on the topic, compiling a series of notes about guardian spirits in world mythology. She’d been particularly intrigued by the the concept of the nagual, the Mesoamerican spirit guide or spiritual double. Depending on the myth, the nagual functioned as either a reflection of the self, or as a separate spiritual advisor. According to some of the myths that she’d found, a person’s nagual could even go wandering while they slept.

         Or in other words, they could astral project.

         There were also stories about shapeshifters but Nell was reasonably sure that wasn’t going to end up as part of her skill set.

         After a little more discussion on the history and process behind the art and history of the alebrije figures Nell decided to leave Sebastien to his work, but as she turned to leave one of the figures caught her eye. A small, brightly-painted bird.

         She couldn’t have stopped the grin that spread over her face if she tried. “Señor, how much is the crow?”

         Over the next few weeks Mariachi Plaza became the unofficial meeting spot for astral hang-outs. By this point Miguel had learned to successfully project while awake, and was confident enough in this new ability that their occasional late-night chat was often more friendly than lesson-like. Honestly it was nice just to be able to talk to someone and not worry about letting something slip and having them think he was crazy. He’d already made that mistake once with friends at school, and had had to play it off as a weird dream.

         At least will Nell he didn't have to worry about that.

         He grinned when she appeared across the plaza. "What, you couldn't sleep either?"

         "Nah. Finished some book planning and wanted to go for a walk. Then I saw what time it was and thought.... yeah this way is better."

         Miguel chuckled. He knew what it was like to get wrapped up in a project and lose all sense of time. How many times had he stayed up late working on a new song, forgetting entirely that he had class in the morning?

         “How was school?”

         “Fine,” he shrugged. “Annetta came to visit my music class yesterday. That was pretty cool.”

         “She’s the trumpet player, right? The one the violinist has that debilitating crush on.”

         “That’s the one. She played for us during class, then did sort of a tutorial session with the other trumpets.” God willing, they’d actually be able to stay in tune from now on. “You get any farther on your book?”

         "A bit, yeah. Started doing research on alebrijes and I found some really cool stuff.” She answered excitedly, eager to share what she’d found. “You know the Mayans and Aztecs had stories about spirit guides too? And some of the magic users in the old myths could astral project, just like us! So of course that turned into a crazy research binge. I swear I filled up an entire flash drive just with ideas for character alebrijes."

         "Sweet!" He grinned. "You'll have to show me later. I can tell you how they compare to the real thing."

         "The real -- Man, you've been holding out on me," she groaned, dropping onto the step of the gazebo to sit next to him. "You see alebrijes too?"

         Miguel shrugged. "You probably have too. They just look different this side of the bridge."

         "Different how?"

         "Different like.... You know, normal."

         That was interesting. She hadn't considered that guides could take different forms between worlds. That was something she'd have to think about later. "So there's a lot of alebrijes on the other side of the bridge?"

         "Loads," Miguel told her. "And they're huge! Well, some of them. I used to think they were just a myth, like vitamins--"

         "Vitamins are real, Miguel."

         "People keep saying that but I really don't think they are. Anyway," he continued. "They're, like, everywhere! Some people have them as, well not exactly pets, but they have ones that stay with them. There might be some wild ones but I didn't really see any."

         Oh God the curiosity was killing her. She wanted to respect his boundaries and not ask questions that he wouldn’t be comfortable answering, but she also really wanted to know what had happened. But just asking how the bridge worked wouldn’t hurt, would it? "So you just found the bridge and walked over?"

         Miguel gave a sheepish smile, rubbing one hand over his forearm in a nervous gesture. "Not exactly... It was an accident. Well, the first time was. I kind of....stole something."

         Nell stared. "You what? Damn, kid, what did you steal? Some cursed ancient idol or something?"

         "HA! No!" He laughed. "No, no, no. Nothing like that. It was a guitar."

         “A cursed guitar?”

         “No! The guitar wasn’t cursed. Nothing was cursed. I mean I thought I was for a while, and then I actually was for a while, but no.”

         Now she just blinked at him. “What… What? Okay. I am officially confused. You stole the guitar and it took you across the bridge. And then you got cursed?”

         “No. Taking the guitar got me cursed, but I crossed the bridge after. It’s… kind of a long story.” But maybe it was about time he told someone the truth. Miguel sighed, brushing one hand distractedly thought his hair as he hunched forward, bracing his arms across his knees. It would be nice to have someone to talk to about what happened, someone who would actually believe him.

         “I didn’t mean to steal it,” he told her. “Well, I did. But I was going to bring it back. I just wanted to play it once, here in the plaza.”

         It all came pouring out, the reason for the Rivera family’s ban on music and the events that led to him believing that Ernesto De la Cruz was his ancestor, trying to steal the guitar, and the curse that resulted.

         “Hold up, hold up,” Nell interrupted, holding up her hands in a ‘stop now’ gesture. “Your great-great-grandmother told you that if you didn’t give up music that she was going to let you die?”

         “She didn’t mean it that way,” Miguel said defensively. “She thought she was doing it to protect me. That music was dangerous. And I kind of did almost die three times that night.”

         “What?!”

         “Anyway, so I thought, fine, if the rest of my family refused to give me the blessing, I’d track down the one family member who might understand.”

         “Ernesto De la Cruz.”

         Miguel nodded.

         “Except he wasn’t your grandfather.”

         “Gracias a Dios.” Now that would truly be a nightmare, now that he knew what De la Cruz truly was. “But I didn’t know that at the time. So I ran off and tried to find him.”

         He told her how he met a shabby-looking skeleton who claimed to know De la Cruz, and how he disguised himself with shoe-polish so he wouldn’t stand out. Their attempts to find the man, which took them all over the city (and he met FRIDA KAHLO! HOLY CRAP!), and their quest for a guitar that took them to Shantytown. Nell listened raptly as Miguel continued his story, snickering to herself when he told her about Hector singing “Everyone Knows Juanita”. She wasn’t familiar with the song but she could certainly guess what word “knuckles” might have been meant to replace. And even though she knew full well what kind of awful human being De la Cruz was, hearing first-hand how he’d murdered Hector back in 1921, and then tossed both him and Miguel into a cenote to rot in the Land of the Dead, had her clenching her fists in helpless anger. She wished she could cross the bridge herself so she could punch that creature in his stupid face.

         “And then Mama Imelda and Pepita showed up and pulled us out! Dante had found them and helped track us down. Turns out he’s an alebrije too.”

         “Wait a sec. You are telling me that you were being followed around what is quite literally the afterlife by a dog who turned out to be your alebrije, and you named him Dante.”

         “Yeah?”

         Nell snorted with laughter. “Oh, that is perfect. Absolutely beautiful. I love it.”

         “Um...why?”

         “Look up Dante’s Inferno at school when you get the chance. Let’s just say your dog is really appropriately named.”

         “Um… ‘kay. Anyway…”

         He took her through their infiltration of the Sunrise Spectacular with the entire family in Frida Kahlo cosplay, right up to their final confrontation with De la Cruz when he threw Miguel off the top of the building. Thank god for alebrijes that were large enough to ride on. Pepita had earned her chin-scritches for eternity that night.

         “And then...they sent me back,” Miguel finished. “I ran back home. Mama Coco… I couldn’t let her forget him. She’d had problems with her memory for so long but I had to try. But when I played their song, it was like it all came back somehow. She’d kept everything hidden in her drawer. Hector’s letters, some of his song drafts. And the corner of the picture that had been torn away. We taped it back on and put it in a new frame. It’s on the ofrenda now but… I don’t know if I made it in time.”

         Tears stung at his eyes but he wiped them away stubbornly.

         “And you’ve never tried to go back, just to see?”

         Miguel shook his head, giving a watery chuckle. “I think Mama Imelda would have killed me for real if I tried. I thought… For a moment last year I thought I felt him, like he was playing right next to me but…”

         “Then I’m sure he made it,” Nell told him, resting one hand reassuringly on his shoulder. “You would know best, right? My great-grandma passed away when I was ten and I will swear on whatever you want that I still feel her in my grandparents’ house, so if you say you felt Hector playing next to you that night, then you did.”

         He let out a shaky sigh as a feeling of relief washed over him. He didn’t know how badly he needed to hear that until that moment, for someone else to have such absolute faith that what he felt was real. Hector had become one of his best friends even before they’d found out they were related. The fear that he had been too late had been eating at him for so long…

         They sat in silence for a moment as Miguel collected himself. Then he sighed again. “Thank you.”

         “Any time,” Nell smiled. “Seriously. And hey, we could always try an experiment this year.”

         “What kind of experiment?”

         “Projecting during Dia de los Muertos. I’ve never tried it before but who knows, maybe you’ll be able to see them.”

         Miguel’s face lit up like a christmas tree. “En serio? We can do that?”

         “We can try,” Nell promised. “All the old stories say that the veil is thinnest that time of year, so if there’s any time it would work, well it’s worth a shot right?”

         The boy jumped to his feet, letting out an enthusiastic grito that would have woken the entire town if he’d been in his physical body.

         “I take that as a ‘yes’ then?”

         “Yes! Absolutely yes!”

         Nell didn’t sleep well that night. She wanted to, oh how she wanted to, but one thought kept circling in her mind. There was something about that guitar. She couldn’t help but feel that there was more to the story. Miguel had said that it wasn’t the guitar that was cursed, but if it was nothing more than a harmless musical instrument, Nell was a fire-breathing monkey. There was just something way too coincidental about it.

         Annoyed with herself, she rolled over to scribble a reminder to herself on the notepad she kept on her bedside table in case of midnight bursts of inspiration. She would look into it in the morning. Surely somewhere on the internet was stories of haunted instruments.

         Apparently, as Nell found the next morning over breakfast, stories of haunted or possessed musical instruments were not uncommon. There were even long-standing legends cultural legends related to the phenomena, and when Nell came across the myth of the Japanese tsukumogami, she knew she’d found what she was looking for. Though there was no cultural crossover of this type of legend the correlation of events was just too close.

         Immediately she opened up a new document on her laptop and started to take notes.

         In old Japanese culture there was a belief that if an object was owned for over a hundred years, it would develop a soul of its own and become self-aware. Musical instruments were particularly common tsukumogami because they were often crafted with great care and carried great monetary value, so they usually ended up passed down through generations. But the descendants of the masters who once owned these instruments were not always musically inclined themselves, causing the instruments to fall into disuse and become resentful. And Hector Rivera would definitely be classified as a “master”. Between what Miguel had told her and her own research, Nell could see that this was a man who put his heart and soul into every note he played. That was a lot of emotion for an instrument to absorb in the approximately three years that he had owned it. A lot of love. And for him to be betrayed, murdered for his music, and the instrument stolen and paraded around by the murderer? Someone who only played for fame and attention? Nell figured that would result in a pretty pissed-off guitar.

         And the guitar itself was a freaking showpiece. Hand-made and perfect to the last detail. That kind of love and care being put into its creation had to leave a mark as well. Nell wondered how Imelda had been able to afford it.

         The writer sat back in her chair, biting absently at her lip as she contemplated. Another quick google search had her frowning. Hector had died in November of 1921, at the age of twenty-one. Ernesto De la Cruz had been crushed by a falling bell during a performance in 1942, almost exactly twenty-one years later. No way in hell was that a coincidence.

         And according to the date stamp on the video taken that night, the date of the concert was… the second of November. Dia de los Muertos.

         “Well… holy shit.”

         Nell scrubbed her hands over her face, almost dislodging her glasses. That was a hell of a kick for an instrument that hadn’t even hit twenty-five years yet. It didn’t hit one hundred until 2017. Displayed like a trophy in the tomb of the man who murdered its master until some kid breaks in and steals it. A kid whose motivations might not have been entirely pure, but who had a musician’s heart, and who happened to be a direct descendant of Hector Rivera, its original owner.

         Most stories of cursed objects just dealt with bad luck and deadly accidents. She’d never heard of people being shoved into astral planes and being taken to the Land of the Dead. She could only concluded that the guitar wanted Miguel to meet Hector, wanted him to find out the truth. Had it known that Hector was being forgotten?

         When Miguel returned at sunrise the first thing he did was run to his grandmother. The guitar would have known her too. This was the child that Hector had loved so dearly, who he had played for every night. It had held onto that love, those powerful memories for all those years, and Miguel said that when he played for her she came back somehow. Nell’s own grandfather had passed away when she was in university. Over the last few years of his life, dementia had robbed him of most of his memories. The last time she had seen him, he thought she was her mother. To bring someone back from that was nothing short of a miracle.

         “Okay. So. The guitar might be sentient.”

         After some thought she found she kind of liked the idea. It was reassuring in a way to feel that treasured things could love people in return. And if they developed spirits of their own, could they be considered alebrije too?

         Nell grinned, reaching for her tablet and plugging it into her laptop, breakfast entirely forgotten. A sentient, haunted guitar. It looked like she finally had a real plot for her new book.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And so ends Chapter 4!

Researching for this fic has been really educational for me. I've tried to stick as close to the known facts about the history and culture that I reference as possible, though I may have had to use a bit of creative license to get everything to mesh properly with my plot. One of those details was the date of Ernesto's last concert. It was never really specified in canon, but based on the stage design and how when the scene was originally planned for the opening number and how the introductory song was about Dia de los Muertos, I went with that being the date.

One of the most fun things about writing Nell for me is getting to play with all of the meta storylines and fan theories that I can't get to fit within the regular plot. I want to give a special shout out to @im-fairly-whitty​, whose incredible discussion of the sentient guitar theory (found here) has inspired the basis of Nell's novel.

Thanks so much for reading! If you want to see any more fun content or fanart, please follow me! Send me your asks, your fun theories, or any comments you have! I can't wait to connect with you!

[jmyamigliore]

What Is Reiki Video Jaw-Dropping Cool Tips

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[troubleblurose-blog]

My Dumbass 5SOS Experiance // Part Uno

I know exactly what you’re thinking. I know, because well, I am one of you. The 5SOSFam that is; I made it sound like we’re our own separate alien race. But look at the people we stan... It makes a little too much sense, doesn’t it? Not even a paragraph in, and I’m already unraveling a conspiracy theory like Shane Dawson. You know him- “You look so fucking something, in my underwear while she wearing them! There’s my poop stain, on her butt.” Yeah, that funny motherfucker. 

You’re probably thinking- ‘Oh, just another fan who really wants the same thing I do.’

I’m not gonna pretend, or lie to make my situation seem special. You’re fucking right, that is exactly who I am. We all have our bumps in the road, after all, we’re all human. Or aliens, I don’t really know anymore. It’s not only science that has gone too far at this point, I am now a contributing factor to the random things that make you question what the fuck this world is becoming.

I’m not about to level with you, or give you a sob story. It could seem that way, but every detail I write is a detail I wouldn’t ever erase. Every problem I’ve encountered, or dumb ass decision I’ve written is something that made me the well rounded person I am today. These are past events, though I am currently handling some of the debris of them. I’m still coping with illness, and things like that. When I write these events, just know, while they are awful I am used to them. That sounds bad, but I don’t know any different. They do hurt greatly at times, but that’s just building more character and strength in the end. 

-Trigger/Graphic Event Warning-

Let’s start out simple and #relatable; I struggle(d) with:

Bi-Polar Depression (Mood swings between extremely jolly, and devastatingly upset.) 

Anxiety (Having a hard time staying composed in times of little stress, or in many social situations.) 

Insomnia (Getting little to no sleep/getting no well-rested sleep at night.) 

Self-Harm (Hurting yourself in ways such as eating disorders, or various forms of mutilation.)

Suicide (Trying to end your own life.)

Those are the things this is somewhat covering, but by no means are they the point I’m trying to make. They aren’t what make up me, and they aren’t what make up this letter. 

To understand the substance of the seemingly overused words on your screen, you need to know a bit about who I am first. Otherwise this could seem like every generic fanfiction. You know what I’m talking about. Eyes are always called orbs. Every meeting involves someone spilling something on someone else. Dicks are always refferred to as members. Calum is usually an asshole with a tragic life story. Mikey is usually a bad boy; who gets a soft spot for the main girl for some unknown reason. Ashton is either super sweet in his old dad way, or a complete arrogant prick. Luke, well he always bounces between popular and nerdy often. Have I made my point?

I’m gonna get relatable again when I say, there isn’t a lot I’m good at. When I am good at something, it has no use in my daily life. I can’t divide fractions, but I can hit every note in guitar hero. I can’t socially interact, but I can make bomb-ass Turkey Bacon Cojacks. I don’t know where all the states are, but I can rap Migrane. My skills are only useful to me, basically. My point being, I was practically useless in class. When I was staying home from school on the normal, from avoiding my problems and lack of motivation, I felt so useless. Like as useless as a newspaper is to a teenager. 

We all have some activity that makes us feel important, though. To Donald Trump, it’s putting down anyone who isn’t a straight white male. To Bo Burnham, it’s making people laugh with his odd perspective and unique means of comedy. Me? It’s always been when I’m on stage. I love hearing my voice being amplified to bring together people from all walks of life. When I’m writing lyrics, I feel like every syllable can make a difference in someone’s life. There’s just something thrilling about worrying you’ll sing the wrong lyric, and doing so because you were worrying about it. 

I’m not gonna say this was always my passion; when I was younger I made a very motivational speech about wanting to be a mermaid. “I WILL be a mermaid, and I WILL live under the sea.” If you think that’s odd, I know of a kid who wanted to be a trash compactor. After I discovered I couldn’t grow a tail, and I ended up not being a fan of swimming in a casino, I wanted to preform. That’s been my dream since I can remember. I’ve always been pretty witty, like I’d have to leave my wit behind   before boarding a plane it’s so sharp. I learned I get more happiness when making others smile, than I do by making myself smile.

A stage is the one place I’m not useless, and being a musician is what I was born to do. I will look anyone in the eye and tell them I'm gonna be so famous one day, because that's exactly what I believe. I know I'm not where I want to be, so it's as simple as I'm gonna move. You need to remember that the only way you can fail is if you give up. It's pretty annoying how bad I am at that. I don't only try to achieve my goals, I try to over-achieve them. I live off my intuition, I'm definitely the ride-or-die type of person in EVERYTHING I do. Making a fool of myself? I'll record it so people can hold it against me for the rest of my life. Dissapointing my parents? Well I am going to Uni for music with no back up plan. Meet 5sos? Well... That's where this fiasco begins.

Welcome to the jungle my fellow fam.

Let’s go back to the first weekend of May 2017. Yes, I really did start this journey on a weekend in May. Yes, I really did it just so I can make that reference. Maybe I started a bit before that, but I committed to it on that first Saturday. At that time I had been in the fam for a couple of months, and  I did go through the phase when I couldn’t tell Lucifer and Ashtonio apart. I however didn’t assume Calcium was Asian, I assumed he was Hispanic. I mean have you seen the ‘Hey Everybody!’ video? That was rhetorical, of course you have. He walked dogs, he was practically Ceasar911! 

Well at this time I was still self-harming, I was still suicidal, and music is very influential to me. I tend to form bonds with songs because music tends to be my main comfort. Music has always been there when no one ever was. There's just such an intense bond for me, with listening and creating it. When I write I don't just think about lyrics, I can hear the chord progressions and melodies. Unfortunately I don't have enough experience with intstruments yet to share the finished product of my own music. 

With 5SOS however, that connection was a lot different. I  appreciate the artists always, though I never tend to feel anything more than that. I didn't feel that at all, I felt a boner. I'm kidding, I just really wanted to say that. Usually with musicians, since I am a fellow musican, I tend to idolize the ones who make music I enjoy. Yes, I know I'm stating the obvious. The thing is, after the whole initiation of binging keeks, interviews, funny moments, and the movie- I didn't once feel like they were above me in any way. Not even in a sexual dream  enduced by falling asleep to Aerosmith. No, that wasn't too specific of a scenario.

They just made me feel understood in a way no one has. Not just because I'm so proud about being a gigantic dork. We were in the same boat, we had the same oar, we wanted  to get to the same island that appearantly no one has heard of, we had the same belief that it exists, and the same thing  about not being satisfyed with any of the millions of already existing islands. That was quite the metaphor, hehe. It's chalked down to similar situations, interests, humor, personalities, and  impeccable music taste. It could also be that we are close in age, but then I'd be connected to millions of other people. That doesn't sound possible for me at the moment, but wait a couple years.

So I was chilling, laughing at Calcium crossing the border with his homie Mike, when I had the thought- What if I met them? In my mind, I thought there would be at least a year before they come to Illinois again, so I had time to save money. It became a goal for me, one I was quite sure would never happen. As we discussed, I'm an over achiever with all of my goals. So what did I do? Well it would be so easy to say I wrote each of them a letter. I can't do anything that simple, I'm far too creative for that simplicity. 

From then to now, in almost a years time, so much happened from there. I met one of my closest friends who happens to be an Aussie; all because of a 5sos meme post, and her lack of ability to use Instagram properly. My family fell apart, and I'm not keen on going into detail. Let's just say I've gotten to consider the 5SOSFam as my only real family. I love you guys, you're a wonderful group of humans with a trail mix variety of nuts. Thank you for existing, and for reading this far. 

Over the time I worked, I wrote and drafted maybe 500 different letters? As of late, I actually haven't gotten any letters finished. I made 4 bracelets, not a giant accomplishment. I'm 4/5 the way done with a poster I designed for Calcium. I made Lucas a fetus 5SOS wooden box, and a 5SOS money jar. I wrote Mikey a novel about him as a superhero, with a fan-art for it. That's kind of big actually cause I've never finished writing a longer story before. There's more things, but I don't want to get too technical with it.

I think I have to say the thing that I put most my effort in was a large journal for Ashton. That's because it's filled with art, tumblr posts, and lyrics. I'm a perfectionist when it comes to all of those things. At this point it has some holes because I've drafted the entire 100 or 200 pages over at least 8 different times. Nothing in it is original to the day I started, I made so many mistakes early 2017 for myself and that journal. I was working on the journal when I decided to attempt suicide for the second time.

It's completely crazy, but I've been through a lot with that journal. All of that started with the smallest idea. From the time I started to right now, I've changed so fucking much. I know how to handle my illness, I'm clean of self-harm, I lost a family and gained a new one, I failed at dying and learned how to live, I made an amazing friend, I got closer with my already existing amazing friend, I got a drum-kit, I somehow became a good lyricist, I found my music sound, my singing voice matured unbelievably, I got and lost pets, I got and lost relationships, I'm now in Uni, I'm more independent... I'm finally at the point where I can believe it does in fact get better.

That seems crazy given I've gone through more in 2017-2018 than I did when I came out about my depression, but maybe that's because I know how to spin it. I know how to handle life. Now everytime I'm scared to do something, I do it. Cause that is how you live, that's how you write, that's how you learn. I wouldn't recognize myself. I've gone from broken, bullied, and suicidal to seeing the beauty in my missing pieces, realizing I deserve better, and actually getting out of bed.

I think it might be because of the journal... 

Hear me out, hear me out. I'm not saying it made me who I am, there's a difference between knowing and believing. Just like the difference between reading and comprehending. The difference between seeing and feeling. When I started that I could only talk the talk. Hell, when I started I had a case of putting them on a pedestal. It was never intentional, at the time I didn't even think I was worth anything. Now I see them as equals in most ways, cause when I see them be how they are I feel like I belong somewhere. I mean, I've always strayed from the majority just because I'd rather be myself and be disliked than be liked for being someone I'm not. I never saw the appeal in fitting in other than having someone to sit with at lunch. I didn't need to belong, even though it would have been nice to feel at home somewhere.

That's what I got when I found the dorks. I don't have to play a part to feel like I belong around them. I can be me, and still feel like I fit in. Not conformity, but genuine compatibility. Before them I was made fun of for being weird. I was made fun of for having my own style, for the song references no one understood, for how much I giggle. I was made fun of for my a many ambitious, none of which being realistic. But I still do all of these things. I still sing louder than everyone else. I still air drum and head bang to songs like Careless Whisper because it's really funny in contrast. I still play games, randomly balance objects on my head, dance in public because I don't give a shit about what people think when I'm having fun. 5SOS just helped me realize that girl who I wished I wasn't for most of my life, is actually the only person I'd ever want to be. Unless I could be Will Smith as Deadpool, then I immediately trash my last statement. 

This is gonna get a bit heavy for a moment, but during that last attempt, as I was losing life I was legit thinking about them. How messed up is that? My life was so shitty my dying thoughts were about four idiots from Sydney. But that's how it was, they were my coping skill. I couldn't hold onto life for me after that, so I held on for them. Not because they'd know the difference if I was gone, let's be real, they wouldn't. If they knew of me then maybe, but I was so low on life's food chain at that point. I held onto the idea of making this epic stuff, and handing it to them. 

I'm not even done with the journal!

I had a history of putting too much of myself into things and then being let down and loosing that part of me. So I don't do it, but it became something I did without realizing it. I don't know what I thought would happen. Maybe they'd like who I was, and would want to have a conversation. Maybe I'd be thrown into the fanfic life and get to hang out. Like a beach bonfire filled with laughter, various awesome people, classic rock, teasing, and knowing me, lots of dick jokes accompanying many innuendos. Maybe I'd end up in LA, and get signed to a rock label. I know I'm saying it like it's simple, trust me, I know all too well the effort it takes.

I gained some real maturity, and became even more well rounded. Though I was always the mature one who made a few mistakes here and there. That's one of the reasons I didn't fit in, I was like a 30 year old when I was 13. I'm not gonna say it wouldn't be cool to end up being their home diggle, but now I'm living for me. I saved myself, and they influenced me to. They leant me a helping hand. It would be epic to chill, or to collab on a song. Hell, if I got an opportunity to get signed to Hi or Hey I'd take it in a heartbeat. A small part of it is because I think the dorks are cool in their own odd way, but mostly because the company itself is an awesome fit for me. It produces the same sound I'd like to make, and it sends the same message-

[its8simplejulesblog]

It’s Crazy to Think That I’m Technically a Senior in College

I feel so ridiculously old and jaded, well, maybe not the jaded part, but my friends (that mind you, are only one or two years younger than me) frequently remind me of the old part. 

Today was a pretty hot day in quarantine. It was beautiful and I spent a lot of time outside and I took two showers for absolutely no reason. It may seem like being a senior in college and taking two showers have absolutely nothing in common, but they do, and I’ll get to that. 

Right before I started my freshman year of college I had the opportunity to go on a service trip to the Dominican Republic. This particular trip was technically a mission trip because we did bible related crafts with kids in multiple churches throughout Santo Domingo, but even if you just go on a general service trip there’s nothing quite like it. The reason why this trip meant so much to me was because it really represented a huge change in my life. It takes so much independence to transition from highschool to college and in a lot of ways you feel like you’re inherently on your own. Even thought I went with a group of amazing girls, I had never met them before previously, and I was also one of the few that spoke Spanish so yes, it was a little bit intimidating. But what a beautiful experience it was. 

So, where does the double shower thing come in? Let me start at the beginning. Me and a nun and 6 other girls take a 4 hour car ride to JFK and a 4 hour flight to the Dominican Republic. It’s 2 am by the time we get there, probably about 85 degrees, and we all hop on a bus that takes us on a 3 hour ride to this monastery type place that we’re staying in and let me tell you it is not nice at all haha. It’s also 5 am at this point and the sun is rising. Granted, we all got used to it, but we also got used to losing power ever day, taking showers by means of pouring well water on our heads, opening the bathroom door and seeing golf ball sized cockroaches, sleeping under mosquito nets, and waking up god awfully early in the morning (I swear God himself wasn’t even up yet). It was rough, but it was also the nicest place in town. The building was a place for missionaries to come because the town that we were in really was tiny, everyone knew each other. For that reason, when a foreign nun comes in with 7 teenage girls, the building was often surrounded by the kids that lived in the village. They were there so often that the building had to be gated so that they wouldn’t sneak in during the night. The nun was friends with a lot of the village elders and they would literally have to whistle from the front gate so that someone could go open it because there was no electricity and therefore no doorbell. It really sucked for me too, because I couldn’t, and still can’t, whistle (so I just had to scream). 

The purpose of the trip was to go to different churches, fix them up, practice our Spanish, do crafts with the kids, and teach them little bible stories and songs. But, it ended up being such an eye opening experience for us too. We were only there 11 days, but the people we met and the things we saw really stuck with me. Everyone was poor, everyone, but they still spent money they didn’t have on iphones and designer clothes. However, they were still the most generous people I think I’ve ever met. Everyone invited us over and gave us food and we would just wander the streets and we felt safe and welcome. We would attend church on sundays, give everyone hugs, and then the seven of us would hop in the bed of a truck and sister would drive us back to the monastery while everyone waved and said hello from the streets (the roads were never paved though so it really felt like off-roading and we would fly out of the truck sometimes, definitely wasn’t safe by definition, but definitely a sight to see). 

In the mornings, we went to the churches to see the kids. They would hugs us and laugh with us and we tried out best to communicate but really their smiles did that alone. By the end of the trip we had gone to at least 4 or 5 different churches, anywhere from 20 to 100 kids at each, and they were thankful every time. 

When we went “home” to the monastery, it was always an adventure. The Dominican is ridiculously hot all the time and without power, a lot of our fans broke. One night, the power and the water went off at the same time. We cooked and ate by candlelight, washed our other clothes in buckets and then went on the roof of the monastery and hung our clothes out there where we could see the whole city, then we went to a well to fill a barrel to get water to shower with, killing about 6 cockroaches in the process. That’s the kind of thing that sounds fake in the US, but that was what we experienced every night in the Dominican. 

When we weren’t at the churches, we were either with individual families, at the beach (which wasn’t often), or in the town community center. On family day, we were separated from sister, and put into groups of two to go spend time with one of the village families. It was terrifying. Not because the families weren’t nice, but because communication was an issue. Sister, besides the natives, was the only one of us fluent in spanish. I was a a distant second, but I had never been sent off alone before. The girl I was with was a gem too, but she clearly wanted me to do all of the talking. 

The family we were paired with was extraordinary. It was a mom and dad and their *I think* two daughters and a son. It’s hard for me to remember because it was three years ago and we ended up spending the day with all of the kids in their town anyway, so I kind of forget who was who. The whole day we played soccer with the kids in the village, met all of the family’s extended family, helped the mom make dinner in the kitchen and sang despacito with the kids (they were surprised we knew it but honestly I still don’t even know all of the spanish words, I’m a fraud I know) I was shocked that we were able to connect so well with the family based off of my spanish alone. It’s crazy how fast you can come to fall in love with and appreciate people you just met. 

The next day, we finally had a free day to go to the beach. It was STUNNING. I don’t even know what to say other than look at this. 

Sister had people cook us whole ass fish to eat that day. I remember just sitting there watching her eat fish eyes and thinking, “how did I get here” haha. 

Lastly, besides taking showers for granted at home, the biggest lesson I learned on this trip was compassion. On one of the days we went to the town community center. They were having a special event for the townspeople with mental illnesses. They played music and we played games and danced with them. Generally, the individuals were on the autism spectrum. It’s not to say that I had never encountered someone with autism before, but I can say that there had been situations where a person with autism reacted in a way that I never knew how to respond to, until that day. I was never uncomfortable around these people, and I recognized that I never should have been. There was a moment when one of the guys, who must have been around 24, was dancing with me and it was the most wholesome thing. You just have to be kind to everyone. It was so much fun. 

So why did I think of this trip today, given that it happened 3 years ago? Well, besides the fact that I never want to shower with bucket water again, it makes me think about how beautiful the world is. I know that earth day already passed (instagram wouldn’t let me forget it) but there is so much good around all of the time. Before, during, and after this pandemic. The girls I met on this trip are now some of my best friends and we talk about going back all the time. We felt like we were instantaneous friends of the people in the Dominican. They told us about their dreams and tried to teach us curse words in spanish it was the ultimate friendship. 

And, as I soon begin my last year of college, I think about how so many people here at home have made me feel the same sense of belonging. Everyone has the ability to brighten someone else’s life. In college, and when I’m eventually out of college, I don’t want to take any opportunity for granted. 

When we left the house of the family that we spent the day with, they gave us a wooden plaque. Carved on the plaque were the words “Dios te Bendiga” which means “God Bless You,” and let me tell you, I am blessed. 

Here are some more pictures. I added some videos as separate posts as well. 

A whole ass fish 

Love you guys 

-Julia 

[stevedonnellyfaith-blog]

Sacred Song (Post 101) 8-12-15

                        Natalie and I have continued our game of YouTube tag throughout the last several weeks.  It passed the time nicely on our Maryland excursion, but we have also found that it is pretty fun to play on short expeditions as well.  The pop music stations that Natalie prefers become drearily repetitious when we don’t break things up, although it is entertaining to listen to her accompany the artist as a background singer.  Sometimes Nicholas sings along to his music as well, but I probably shouldn’t disclose that.  Playing music on YouTube instead means that I can intertwine songs that I like in between the sandwich ends of inevitable Taylor Swift anthems.

One night last week we carried the game of tune tit-for-tat that we were playing on our phone into the house, across the kitchen and to the breakfast table where my mother was getting ready to serve my father his supper.  Curious and knowing that he likes all things Gaelic, I pulled up a video of a scene from the movie Empire of the Sun in which a young British lad stands at attention and salutes through the barbed wire fence of a Japanese internment camp singing the Welsh lullaby Suo Gan as zeros takeoff into the sun. For me Suo Gan is a particularly haunting song because the melody is the same as the hymn Christ Before Us which I first encountered on my Emmaus weekend nearly two years ago.  Hearing a particular hymn at a peculiarly emotional time can add a spiritual impact to a song for a specific person that it may not have for other people.  Morning Has Broken can similarly bring tears to my eyes, because it was sung at Pam’s funeral service.

As it turned out my father’s love of Gaelic music did not include any special feelings towards the Welsh classic, but we did share some memories about walking into an English church in some town that I could not recall where we arrived just in time for an afternoon rehearsal of the parish boys’ choir.  They were very talented.  The idea of pulling up hymns on YouTube did intrigue my father, surprisingly.  He asked me to play Jesus I Come for him, which, he explained, was the hymn they were playing at the Tremont Baptist Church when he entered there for the first time. My mother had evidently invited him to her church when they were dating.  My father agreed; he would have also probably agreed to try bungee jumping had my mother suggested it and that particular form of stupidity existed anywhere else other than in the Australian outback at the time of their 1960’s courtship. Instead of the Sunday morning’s boredom that my father probably expected, he experienced a powerful intervention by the Holy Spirit into his life through the gateway of a beautiful hymn sung by a talented choir.

So I searched his request, queued up the hymn, hit play and passed him his favorite sacred music on the little midget screen of the IPhone5 that I most often use for scrolling Facebook.  Although the music didn’t sound special to me, it caught my 78 year old father like fly-paper.  He sat transfixed at the breakfast table totally oblivious to me and to the usual bustle of my family interacting about our kitchen at dinner time.  The kids could have been having chicken fights and he would not have noticed.  As far as I could tell, my father was 650 miles and 60 years eastward sitting in a pew in a famous New England church with the girl he loved, encountering awesome beauty of Jesus Christ sung about him by angelic voices.  I wished that he could stay there for longer than the odd five minutes of the hymn.  I envied him. For a time he was through the looking glass or had tumbled through the fur coats of the magic wardrobe that I often hope to find but rarely do.

You would think that it would be easier to have that type of heavenly experience than it usually turns out to be.  I had hoped for a trip back through the years to simpler times on the family excursion we took to a Cleveland Indians game last Friday night.  Nicholas, Natalie, Stephen and I made the trip, but it didn’t turn out quite as I had planned.  First of all I was very tired, having worked some early and long days on Monday through Thursday completing a project that we had begun almost a month before.  Things were also progressing well with our house purchase.  It seemed like a good chance for some family-style rest and relaxation. Also the Tribe was having a dollar hot dog night promotion with a fireworks show as a nightcap.  Our plan seemed all in order.

 Like a good father, I had wielded the proposed trip as a motivating sledgehammer thought the preceding week.  Stephen, for instance, because of his illness, habitually complains about small or imagined injuries like blackouts and falling out of bed on a near continual basis.  The last week he had added mysterious arm stiffness to his list of hypochondriac symptoms.  Whenever I offered to delay our trip until he felt better, his maladies made an immediate improvement.  Stephen is gravitationally attracted towards quality meat products at entirely too reasonable a price-point.  He is not above taste testing gas station sushi so dollar hot dog night is right up his alley.

Natalie was also on her best behavior throughout the week.  She was quite excited on Friday night when I arrived home from the boomerang ride of my Youngstown round trip.  That is when the threads of my carefully woven plan began to unravel. I had arrived home early and, unfortunately, exhausted, hoping to catch a quick cat-nap before H hour. Unbeknownst to me, Nicholas had committed me to driving over to my brother’s house to pick up Abby’s car for which my father was paying to have a stereo installed as a birthday present. I stayed awake for the mini-excursion that set us off our Cleveland bound time schedule by about an hour. We would be significantly late.  Strike one.

Still, we were a happy bunch as we drove towards the RTA Station on Shaker Blvd (RTA is Cleveland’s BART.)  Natalie and I sat together.  Nicholas and Stephen sat separately as Stephen had acquired a case of oppressive halitosis that he attributed to dry mouth from his medication.  Natalie and I talked quietly until our train came to a kerchunking halt at an interchange station for us.  Natalie, Nicholas and I assembled in column formation in the aisle. I looked over to Stephen to see why he was not following.  I could see that he had adopted a posture to arise, but was stuck in place.  He was frozen and I could tell that he was experiencing a focal seizure, the malady that he had been reporting to the disbelieving me for the last several weeks.  I had watched Pam have hundreds of focal and full seizures during the period of time between her two brain surgeries.  Like my dad’s trip back to Boston, I was transported to another place and time as I watched my son struggle to stand, a time that I had hoped never to visit again. Father Groeschel would describe that location as a point on the pathway inclining up a hill called Calvary.

Because he finally stood after a few dozen seconds and showed no ill effects, we decided to proceed to the game despite the scare.  I think I am glad we proceeded; it was an excellent and terrible outing all at once.  We got there late, but the seats were the best that I have ever bought ��� that’s what happens when Nicholas goes to the box office with my credit card.  Interestingly we discovered that Natalie despises hot dogs, but will eat three in close succession when she is starving and Nicholas is buying American sausages like he is feeding Slimer from the movie Ghost Busters. Stephen had another focal seizure with a similarly quick recovery when one of the Indians unexpectedly knocked a hanging curve into the bleachers to tie the game late.  It was an Indians game, though, so they lost in the ninth inning on a home run to a Twins outfielder that is old enough to have been in high school while I was in college. Happy that Stephen had made it through the game without a more significant medical incident we headed home without waiting for the fireworks.

So it is Tuesday, as I write this.  I am in the ER with Stephen to get his condition checked out.  He seems to be OK, but without a local doctor, the ER seemed the quickest alternative to get blood work, a CAT scan and access to medical specialists without the bureaucracy of referrals.  Frankly, I don’t care to be in another hospital, ever, but I realize that this is a necessary trip.  I would feel better if Father Luke from St John Vianny in Walnut Creek would happen in soon to anoint Stephen and pray with us, but I think we are out of his jurisdiction.  John Muir was tough to revisit for Nicholas’ treatment, anyway, but it was also seemed as comfortable as an old shoe, albeit with the possibility of a chance meeting transporting me back to a good or bad place in another lifetime.  

Today things turned out well with no bad news in either Stephen’s scans or labs.  I drove him home later after discharge thankful that he is relatively healthy.  We stopped on the way back at Arby’s and at one of the parishes that we might eventually choose as our own to visit Jesus in Adoration.  On the road again towards Streetsboro, I reconsidered again why all this inconvenience might have happened knowing that Stephen’s actual health remains largely the same.  Sure it was good to get him checked out, discover a good hospital and get assigned a family doctor for a follow-up visit, but why was I put through this dry run of worry and fear for the umpteenth time.  Was God holding me back a grade for some lesson that I should have learned one, two or three years ago?  

Then I remembered the conversation that I overheard among the doctors at the nursing station from my perch by the door of Stephen’s transient ER suite.  They were preparing to inform a patient and family that multiple unexplained lumps had been discovered throughout the lungs in some other poor patient’s scan. Thoughtfully, I removed the mini rosary that I had received at Emmaus from its place on my dashboard and prayed a Divine Mercy Chaplet for another family that got bad news while Stephen and I received our discharge paperwork.

[nanyoky]

ALL of the numbers for Wanda and for Pietro

OMG THIS IS SO LONG I TOOK FOREVER. I did a mix of canon and au, especially where canon limits the answers.

1.  What does their bedroom look like? Shared one until the bombings, very sparse - parents didn’t have much money. Then homeless until post - ultron.

Wanda: We see wanda’s avengers compound room In cw but I… don’t…. like… many things about that movie so - let’s say more cramped and closed off. Even if given a larger, open space I feel Wanda would fill it in an eclectic way. She nests like no other. When you’re not used to a set space being your own, it’s exciting and novel to surround yourself with things and images of your choosing. She goes to thrift stores and garage sales and collects just dumb things that she likes just because she CAN.

Pietro: Canon: hasn’t ever had his own. Nice happy everybody lives au: pretty plain, but nice. More stylish than people might expect. Some spillover of wanda’s possessions. Entire half of the walk in closet is devoted to sneakers.  2.  Do they have any daily rituals?

Wanda: Definitely a tea drinker, at LEAST in the morning and before bed.

Pietro: Not quite compulsive, but he actually falls into routine very fast. In the city, he had a circuit he would travel with things to do along the way- taking food, talking to people from the tent city, taking necessities, scoping out new places to sleep so they did not use one single place too often, checking in on the occupying soldiers’ movements, harassing police officers on duty, etc.  3. Do they exercise, and if so, what do they do? How often?

Wanda: Not before the Avengers. Now she does, but grudgingly. It helps when the others point out the more varied her skills are, the more people she can help.

Pietro: He always ran, even before they got their powers. Somewhere in their teens, he started doing simple exercises like pushups and situps when they were bored because he thought people wouldn’t hassle them as much if he looked tougher. With the Avengers, he gets bored with all the training- routine that he doesn’t define himself. But he appreciates being able to to something he’s good at. 4. What would they do if they needed to make dinner but the kitchen was busy?

Wanda: She checks with her mind before going into any shared living space. If she doesn’t mind company, she’ll still come in and cook alongside whoever is there or share their food. If she’s not feeling up to it, she will wait.

Pietro: Uses his speed to work around anyone in there, which is annoying exactly 100% of the time 5.  Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.) 

Wanda: Organized chaos, for sure. Long bath goblin. We’re talking multiple hours here. Candles and music and a book and maybe even snacks in there.

Pietro: Neat and contained out of necessity for a long time. But the more comfortable he is, the more likely he is to be cluttered and messy. The team starts getting annoyed when he begins to leave his shoes and hoodies everywhere, but those of them good at reading human behavior (natasha, sam, clint) notice the pattern and guess why. 6.  Eating habits and sample daily menu

Wanda: Long time not knowing where their next meal was coming from means she eats when and whatever she can. Living in the compound is an adjustment, but she starts getting more discerning and learns what she actually likes an doesn’t like.  Sam introduced her to lemon bars and she ate a whole pan and then threw up one time she knew it was coming but they were just SO GOOD.

Pietro: Everything. So much. People know his powers include increased metabolism, but they don’t really GET IT. Steve will go to order pizza like “so you think 20 is good for all of us I know you eat a lot” and he’s just like “20 for me” “haha- right” “No. you don’t understand. You will all starve.” But he also has the terrible habit of eating too fast (surprise surprise) and makes himself sick. 7.  Favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time

Wanda: Definitely a “no time you enjoyed spending is wasted” type person. She loves to read and do her nails and listen to music.

Pietro: wasting time makes him anxious- unless it’s quiet time with Wanda. But even that is up for criticism if it lasts too long. He won’t complain to her, but he gets restless and fidgety until she tells him to go do something to get him to calm down.

8.  Favorite indulgence and feelings surrounding indulging 

They used to smoke sometimes in Sokovia- mostly when it was cold and they had to sleep outside. They don’t anymore, but sometimes get a craving they have to try to replace with something else.

Wanda: Collecting things like jewelry and decorations for her room. And sweets. Fancy looseleaf tea. 

Pietro: Doesn’t really think of things as indulgences. He does what he wants or needs and then moves on. 9.  Makeup? 

Wanda: Loves it. Feels stupid and underprepared for her day without it.

Pietro: Doesn’t like it on himself, but helps Wanda with hers. 10.  Neuroses? Do they recognize them as such?

Woah boy. Can you say holy codependency batman? I don’t think either of the twins could ever get over this. Canon universe, I think grieving Pietro is going to be a lifelong process for Wanda. There’s just no way she can ever “move on” from the loss of him. Au- I think they could both work on some of their other issues and relax enough to form relationships outside of one another, but the codependency would never go away. They would still bounce back to “no one matters but us” the moment they are threatened. Neither of them will likely ever see this as a problem. They recognize that others do though, which only feeds into their “no one understands” complex.

They both have phobias and ptsd from their chidlhood traumas. Mostly these show as little things, but on a bad day, can be an issue. Claustrophobia and being tethered or incapacitated during crisis are always issues. Typical stuff like night terrors crop up regularly.

 11. Intellectual pursuits?

Their formal education ended at 10- as they skipped out on the foster system out of fear they would be separated. They would often spend time in the city’s library, as it was one of the few places that wouldn’t kick them out for not buying anything.

Wanda insisted they learn English. She thought it would come in useful on their mission to kill Stark. She also likes reading, though mostly fiction.

Pietro struggled with learning English because he’s easily frustrated and hates feeling stupid. He reads well when he finds something that interests him, but very rarely has the patience to sit and read for long periods of time. 12. Favorite book genre?

Wanda: Gothic romance and horror. Bronte, Shelley, Morrison, Jackson, some O’Connor.

Pietro: Would rather ask Wanda to read aloud whatever she’s reading than pick his own. He likes them though- particularly things with dry shows of humor and scathing judgements of social norms. He keeps his love of Vonnegut quiet, as Wanda can’t stand him. 13. Sexual Orientation? And, regardless of own orientation, thoughts on sexual orientation in general?

((we already talked about this a bit))

Wanda: I waffle on this depending on the story I’m telling. My two favorite Wanda sexualities are Bi!Wanda and Ace!Wanda. Like hard ace. Zero interest. Not repulsed, just uncomfortable with the idea of sex in relation to herself and her own body. Not particularly educated about different sexualites. Probably didn’t know there was a word for being asexual until much later in life.

Pietro: I love my dead bi son. Ditto above on education. But definitely observant enough to know differing preferences aren’t all that unusual.

Both of them don’t talk about sexuality much- not in a private or “i don’t like labels” kind of way, just in a “if i want to have sex with you, you will know. and if I don’t, then it’s not likely to come up” kind of way. 14. Physical abnormalities?  (Both visible and not, including injuries/disabilities, long-term illnesses, food-intolerances, etc.) 

They both have faded, but still note-worthy scars from the bombing rubble. Wanda low key never has bare legs and Pietro never goes sleeveless.

15. Biggest and smallest short term goal?

Wanda: Depending on what part of canon or au we’re talking about, could be variations on “get through the week” and “make pietro smile”

Pietro: Always “get through the week” and “Make wanda smile.”

16. Biggest and smallest long term goal?

Before AoU, both of them had the goal of living long enough to kill Tony. Smallest would have been “find out what to do after.”

17. Preferred mode of dress and rituals surrounding dress

I wrote a big long rant about the twins’ costuming/character design once this is MY JAM.

Wanda: Woah boy does she love her clothes. She loves collecting new pieces that she can layer. Jewelry is a must. She feels naked and vulnerable without it. Loves the aesthetic of fashion but doesn’t think much about how her body looks in it. Feels weirdly self conscious in light colors.

Pietro: comfort is #1, but it is not his lone concern. Almost opposite of Wanda- pretty bland aesthetic tastes, but likes how he looks in some things over others. Low key very aware that warm colors wash him out. Used to wear charms from their mother around his wrists or neck but they’ve all since been lost or broken or stolen. Wanda pierced one of his ears when he helped her do hers, but he rarely wears anything in it. (There was a shot in aou where pietro turns his head and you can see Aaron Taylor Johnson has a pierced ear and it just struck me as a very accurate twin scene like *smol Wanda holds up a needle and a handful of snow* “come pietro - were pierce our ears now” “nice.”)

18. Favorite beverage?

Wanda: Teateatea always tea.

Pietro: Constantly hydrating. Metabolism thing.

19. What do they think about before falling asleep at night?

Wanda: Long term plans. Starts with what she has to do the next day, the next week, the next month, etc. Doesn’t always help her sleep though.

Pietro: Short term plans. All the things he wants to get done the next day/should be getting done instead of sleeping. Almost never helps him sleep.

20.  Childhood illnesses? Any interesting stories behind them?

Occasional illnesses as children. After the bombings they both got sick on the street a lot. Pietro would always try to steal a wallet and get a hotel room whenever they were ill. Or at least befriend someone enough to stay with them.

21.  Turn-ons? Turn-offs?

Wanda: Ons: Tall men, women with curly hair, good tattoos, slow hands on her thighs, neck kisses, leaving marks with her teeth and nails, wall/counter sex, drunk/buzzed sex, the low-key voyeurism of whispering dirty things in public, slow, passionate makeouts that slowly and steadily build into faster and rougher sex. Offs: fetishizing innocence/inexperience (certain guys think her stockings are a sign of being into a schoolgirl vibe but any type of age roleplay is a hard stop for her), her partner setting the pace without give and take, being called “cute” or “sweet,” having her hair pulled, anyone who dislikes pietro.

Pietro: Ons: men’s forearms, curvy women, and…. a… few fetishes… biting, hair pulling/playing, drunk/buzzed sex, basic restraints, oral fixation but most of all PRAISE KINK and he doesn’t want to talk about it not at all don’t bring it up please for the love of god don’t make it A Thing. Sam wants to talk about it Sam Wilson wants to talk about it a lot.  Offs: people who think sexual intimacy means affection is now acceptable, being laughed at, people who think they’ve “figured him out,” anyone who dislikes wanda. 

22. Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?

Wanda: vague doodles. Patterns and motifs. Sometimes lists and plans, but most of that is mental.

Pietro: little mini comics that will make wanda laugh. (during team meetings he draws little stick!steve and stick!tony arguing and the scene gets more and more elaborate until stick!stony makeouts happen and wanda just fucking loses it in the middle of tony discussing new tech.)

23.  How organized are they? How does this organization/disorganization manifest in their everyday life?

Wanda: Organized to herself. Clutter that only she understands. No one can find anything in her room if they need to, but she knows exactly where everything is.

Pietro: Very simple and organized, but he is That Guy who has The Chair or The Drawer where things kind of build up until he doesn’t remember what’s all on/in there.

24.  Is there one subject of study that they excel at? Or do they even care about intellectual pursuits at all?

Wanda: loves literature and language.

Pietro: is a better storyteller than a writer. Wanda says there’s no difference but he disagrees.

After his death she tries writing down some of his stories but he was right.

25.How do they see themselves 5 years from today?

pre ultron: dead. Both of them.

Post: Wanda just keeps trying to find more things she can do to help others and make amends. Pietro would join her if he were alive.

26.  Do they have any plans for the future? Any contingency plans if things don’t workout?

Kinda the same as above. No real back up - they will either succeed or die.

27. What is their biggest regret?

pre ultron: not being able to help their parents and not realizing what the true nature of the SHIELD facility was until it was too late.

Wanda in post aou: every single thing about that day.

28.  Who do they see as their best friend? Their worst enemy?

Friend - each other.

Enemy: Tony until post ultron, then they wouldn’t really know. Part of the experience of it all is learning things aren’t as simple as friends and enemies.

29. Reaction to sudden extrapersonal disaster (eg The house is on fire! What do they do?)

Of course, as children, their instinct was to stick together and hide. As adults, pietro handles any immediate danger, and looks to Wanda for the plan once there is a moment.

30.  Reaction to sudden intrapersonal disaster (eg close family member suddenly dies)

They didn’t have time to grieve their parents. Wanda screamed for days after sokovia, then was basically catatonic for weeks. In a nice au… I don’t know. If they started getting close to others, then lost someone, I think pietro would get anxious and want to do something, while Wanda would close off and try to keep him close to her.

31. Most prized possession?

Wanda has the jewelry and clothes that Pietro stole from her. She likes mixing up her wardrobe, but those ones are special.

Pietro doesn’t keep much long enough for it to be “prized.” He keeps track of things very well, but once its outlived its use its gone. He still feels guilty about the charms though, and if any had survived, he would take special care of them.

32. Thoughts on material possessions in general?

They both feel they should not get too attached because they have lived so long only keeping what they can carry, but that has also meant they are very protective of the things they have.

33. Concept of home and family? 

Each other. Always. They did feel a sense of home and loyalty to their city, which is part of the reason they never tried to leave.

34.  Thoughts on privacy? (Are they a private person, or are they prone to ‘TMI’?)

Wanda: Wanda is very private. Part of the reason is that she realizes how much of oneself is constructed deliberately due to her powers and natural knack for perception. So she likes giving people as little to work with as possible. It gives her a sense of control. However, she is more likely to feel close enough to someone to tell them things that she wouldn’t tell strangers. Whereas....

Pietro: Private about some things, VERY blunt about others. Sort of the opposite of how most people might be. He’s the one to tell the story of their parents’ deaths, every time. And ah- certain subjects don’t make him uncomfortable. Ex: one time, bruce and helen set the whole team of enhanced avengers down to talk about different aspects of their abilities for their records and when it was Pietro’s turn- “I eat a lot, I’m fast, I don’t need to piss as much as you’d think from how much i hydrate? so that’s nice. I heal fast, don’t seem to bruise  from blunt impact, oh- and my refractory period is like- 30 seconds.” and everyone just “.....kay”

And of course, they have no secrets from each other. Zero sense of privacy between the two of them- like how they share a personal bubble.

35.  What activities do they enjoy, but consider to be a waste of time?

Wanda: Like I said, doesn’t see things she likes as a waste of time- that is, unless there is currently something she can actively do to meet a goal. But she values planning time and that can be done while doing the things she enjoys.

Pietro: Flirting. He is a hopeless flirt (see deleted scenes from aou) and enjoys it, but honeslty he thinks it’s kind of silly. Either someone is into you or they’re not. Flirting is like the “how are you? say hi to your mom” of sex.

36.  What makes them feel guilty?

Before Ultron: Nothing but their parents.

After: everything.

37.  Are they more analytical or more emotional in their decision-making?

Wanda: both. Her emotions fuel her, but she’s too practical to go with the first plan that pops into her head. she feels she owes it to the validity of her anger and guilt to take the best course of action.

Pietro: definitely emotional. He analyzes just enough not to make things immediately worse, then acts.

38.  Would they consider themselves a Type A or Type B personality? 

Wouldn’t know what that is.

Post AoU, Wanda reads more about psychology to help understand how her powers work. Once she comes across this, she’s educated enough to know how simplistic and meaningless it is.

39.  What recharges them when they’re feeling drained?

Time together.

Post AoU Wanda: Time alone. Doing something that makes her feel like herself like drinking tea or painting her nails.

40.  Would you say that they have a superiority-complex? Inferiority-complex? Neither?

Wanda: Bit of both, but leaning more towards superiority. But it’s less superiority, more utter confidence and faith in herself- even when misplaced.

Pietro: Bit of both, leaning towards inferiority. Scared he’s not enough to protect wanda or get them what they want.

41.  How misanthropic are they? 

Can be a weird mix. They hate what people are capable of doing to one another, which comes from the empathy of seeing themselves and others hurt. 

42.  Hobbies?

Wanda: the reading, fashion pursuits, etc. With the team, she’s gotten to try more things like cooking and music.

Pietro: He feels good when he’s running. Not even to speed. Just running is something he’s good at and he likes doing things he’s good at.

43.  How far did they get in formal education? What are their views on formal education vs self-education?

(am i going crazy i feel like i answered some of these like four times)

Their formal education ended at age 10. Skipped out on the foster system and the attached public ed.

44.  Religion?

Their father was jewish, but somewhere about halfway between “observant” and “christmas tree jewish.” After the bombings, they have almost no residual faith and a pretty antagonistic attitude toward organized religion.

45.  Superstitions or views on the occult?

Their mother was Romni and used to give them charms and things to carry for luck and protection. She herself took the customs only vaguely seriously and just followed most out of cultural tradition more than anything. Wanda thought it was all very serious and magical when they were young, but after the bombings refuses to talk about it. As previously stated, Pietro used to carry the charms very carefully, but they didn’t have any on them when they were pulled out of the rubble and he tries to act like it doesn’t bother him that they don’t continue on with the traditions, but it does. He hasn’t told Wanda (she knows anyway), but he found a holed stone a year after their parents’ deaths, but lost it immediately. He still thinks it was a sign he’s meant for bad luck.

46.  Do they express their thoughts through words or deeds?

Wanda: speaks for the two of them, most often. Except when it comes to sharing stories. That’s where Pietro steps in. 

Pietro: Makes Wanda’s will into action. Usually leaves the talking to her.

47. If they were to fall in love, who (or what) is their ideal?

Wanda: Someone who doesn’t necessarily understand her, but does not seek to unravel or change her. She might have a tendency to desire partners who are possibly too passive when it comes to her. This prevents her from healthy relationships a lot. She has no patience for criticism, no matter if it is about somethign superficial, or about something genuinely concerning, like her self-destructive tendencies.

Pietro: Tends to confuse what he wants, which ends messily every time. He doesn’t consciously want a serious commitment, but unconsciously sort of... expects it? This goes one of two ways- his partner takes the relationship seriously and he doesn’t, which means he is callous and flippant with them OR his partner doesn’t take things seriously and he’s frustrated and hurt that he is such a minor event in someone else’s life.

The twins are... not good at dating.

HOWEVER, given the opportunity post aou, I think they would both try to improve their empathy and interpersonal skills a little better. Wanda would do well with someone who actively encourages her to express herself and step outside of her own head, but doesn’t get pushy. Pietro would do well with someone conscientious, but who would also coax him not to take himself so seriously.

48. How do they express love?

With one another: Protectiveness. The way Pietro always has his back, but Wanda is always standing between him and known danger. Physical affection/their shared personal bubble.

With befriending the rest of the team, they would struggle for a time. But eventually Wanda starts making two cups of tea when someone else is in the kitchen with her and Pietro starts smiling, just a little, at their jokes instead of rolling his eyes.

49. If this person were to get into a fist fight, what is their fighting style like?

Wanda: It’s not exactly speed that’s her strong point, she’s just ABRUPT. even before the experiments, she was very good at reading people and situations. She can tell when a fight is inevitable, and once diffusion is no longer an option, she will strike first and not fast, not stopping to let anyone get their footing. Dirty fighting. Knees and nails and big jagged rings.

Pietro: Big surprise- fast. But also very- full bodied. I love the way that with his speed, Pietro’s attacks in aou are mostly just “run into robot so fast it just falls apart.” I feel like that’s not just the powers, but also how he does things. Just kind of throws himself at/on people and hits with anything he’s got. Fast and dirty. No kidney or testicle is safe.

50. Is this person afraid of dying? Why or why not?

Wanda: Pre aou: not if it’s together. Post: no. Would be somewhat of a relief. Finally going home after a long day. Wherever she’s going, it’s the same place as Pietro.

Pietro: Yes yes oh god yes.

[hogwarts-headquarters]

The Fellowship's Hogwarts Houses

[I’m going to make this a separate post I’m on an old version of the app that’s not letting me reblog asks]

[Someone’s been flicking through our blogs… forgive me if this becomes a super long post discussing personalities and events possibly with direct quotes that last forever and whatnot ��]

Frodo: Ravenclaw. He literally never stops asking questions. The entire time. Questions. At one point, he asks Gandalf, “What news of the outside world? Tell me everything.” And Gandalf’s response is, “Everything? You are far too eager and curious for a Hobbit. Most unnatural.” At the start of the series, he’s shown to be a great deal like Bilbo, in that he is always reading. Frodo is forever thinking, which can confuse Pippin a little, “And now leave me in peace for a bit! I do not want to answer a string of questions while I am eating! I want to think!” His curiosity does not end once the Ring begins to corrupt him, but he does become more understanding. When Gollum tries to steal the ring, and Frodo is advised against trusting him by Sam, Frodo is very reliant on his own intellect, almost to a fault. While his judge of character in the past may have been pretty good (such as with Boromir, ���I know what you would say, and it would seem like wisdom, but for the warning in my heart”), it isn’t always as perfect as he may think, such as when he offers the Ring to Galadriel. But still he relies on it, and values it above all else. I think he’s definitely a Ravenclaw.

Samwise (may I just say I hate his name because it literally means halfwit and he’s anything but): Hufflepuff. “Don’t leave me here alone. It’s your Sam calling. Don’t go where I can’t follow.” If Sam isn’t the epitome of undying loyalty, I don’t know what is. His pure faith and trust in Frodo is undiminishing. He’s loyal to a fault, and he knows full well that this endeavour could easily get him killed, “If you don’t come back, sir, then I shan’t, that’s certain,” and still he chooses to stay by Frodo. When Frodo tries to leave the Fellowship, Sam knows exactly what Frodo’s doing, chases after him, and wades into deep waters even though he knows he can’t swim, trusting Frodo with his life. If Sam isn’t Hufflepuff, then I don’t know who is.

Meriadoc & Peregrine (same sorting): Gryfferin. These little shits (and I say it in the most affectionate way possible) are both incredibly brave and chivalrous and still cunning as characters can get. Remember at the start of The Fellowship of the Ring when Frodo’s being an angsty baby and they’re just, “something’s up” and literally get Sam (Sam being… not worried… concerned (sorry not sorry for the Night Vale reference) about Frodo) to spy on Frodo for them so they can figure it out and when they do they’re not even afraid they’re just, “hey we’re coming too” and they completely ignore everything Frodo (angsty Frodo) is saying about certain death and whatnot. And then they completely defy the rules about the “secret” meeting (they figured Frodo was up to something yet again) and spy anyway and just burst out out of the bushes the second they know they’re going to Mordor and oml they display both the traits of Slytherin and Gryffindor. Fight me on this.

Legolas*: Slytherdor. This little shit (and I’ve done it again) is literally one of the most resourceful characters. He pulls the orc arrows from literally everywhere (probably Boromir’s dead body too fight me) even though they’re not so great and fixes them up and reuses them literally every time he runs out of arrows and all the time he’s making no big deal about it. Like a Slytherin, his loyalty does not extend to literally everyone the way a Hufflepuff’s does, and, once his loyalty’s earnt (see Frodo being brave enough to take the Rings to Mordor even when everyone bigger and stronger than him is fighting over that responsibility, admiration for Sam’s undying loyalty, the pure cunning and positivity of Merry and Pippin, Gimli being kind and brave and then being accepted by Galadriel with the strand of hair thing, also Gimli surviving Helm’s Deep and beating him in death count (Legolas accepts this entirely in the books because he’s so glad to see Gimli alive), Aragorn’s heritage and bravery and leadership, I could go on) being so completely loyal he’d kill anyone who harmed them with zero hesitation possibly even if it wasn’t an enemy (see Éomer). He’s also really super brave (fight me) and he values this to no end. Legolas is definitely Slytherdor.

Gimli: Gryffinpuff. “Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens.” He’s incredibly brave and fiercely loyal to the just cause. Galadriel and Legolas both trust him. Two elves. Elves hate dwarves and dwarves hate them in turn but here we see Gimli defying those roles because he believes it is what is right. Isn’t that terribly Gryffinpuff?

Aragorn: Gryffindor.First off, if there’s anything he’s not, it’s Slytherin. He could so easily have gained so much power (kingship and the Ring) and yet he turned it down without a second thought (granted he wound up being King anyway) despite him being resourceful (being a ranger and all). He’s not Hufflepuff, either. His loyalty is something to be earnt. Perhaps he’s not Ravenclaw either, simply because he is primarily brave, chivalrous, and just and those are hid defining traits and those are what make him a great leader and eventually a great king. Nothing he does makes me doubt for a second he’s anything but Gryffindor.

Boromir: Gryfferin. “Warning? Against what? We are all afraid, Frodo. But to let that fear drive us to destroy what hope we have… don’t you see? That is madness!” I think Boromir is, like Merry and Pippin, Gryfferin. Primarily, he’s clearly Gryffindor, though his type of bravery and justice is different to his brother’s. His sense of bravery is that of the one wielding the power, and the ambition to come into power is a Slytherin trait. His leadership is Gryffindor in that he feels it his duty to defend his people and he feels the best way to do that is with power, and therefore with the Ring. And he’s prepared to sacrifice anything for it (dramatic music plays).

Gandalf: Gryffinclaw. His logic is unparalleled and he only ever uses it for just causes. Better than most Gryffindors is his understanding of justice and what is right and we see this when he explains to Frodo why Bilbo’s decision to spare Gollum’s life was a good one, “ Pity? It was pity that stayed Bilbo’s hand. Many that live deserve death. Some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them, Frodo? Do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment. Even the very wise cannot see all ends. My heart tells me that Gollum has some part to play yet, for good or ill before this is over. The pity of Bilbo may rule the fate of many.” He sacrifices himself to save the Fellowship, the one power doing anything at that time to stop Sauron, in the hope that maybe, just maybe, they could make it. That’s a very Gryffindor thing to do.

This turned out to be a 1226 word essay. Sorry.

~ Tara (Slytherin)

* Legolas’ house may be slightly biased I love him.

[sawyernathan1991]

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On the other make it seem like a spring in an infinite number of Reiki I felt like a warm glowing radiance that brightens everyone's day.Balancing your system to adjust and settle this dispute in one day...but you will also let you channel God's Loving Reiki Energy is around us are constantly trying out new sheets and a feeling of the terminally ill, sensible use of other forms of training.Reiki works regardless of whether this master teacher that you want to spend hundreds of them.Or, after a good effect on the calming breath is filling all your spiritual growth.Each will bring their own only the global life force or as part of the healer grows and you and the aura are also used to describe it.

Reiki balances emotional and mental distress, from a medical doctor, Chujiro Hayashi.Ms NS lives all alone in a fraction of the awareness of anxiety as the end of the symbols on paper possessing the Reiki bridge of light.This is a little more, therapists have been utilizing Reiki as a supplementary healing process.With routine care, we can still be quite powerful and remarkably humbling because it should be a simple, safe, and natural gift.Your thinking behavior can affects the body, the energy flow around the idea is to accept the treatment.

If you want to learn and Reiki energy on spiritual, physical, and helps separate you from the early 1920s by Mikao Usui while on a beach, a breeze or a wave, and may not last more than it is categorized under, energy healing treatment on it.If Mouse is guiding us, we see our path from a higher spiritual level of the standard healing positions, it is a state of optimal holistic wellness.It also could be opened to the words on that Reiki Energy comes down from teacher to the life force energy.As I sat in a holistic way, that includes deep relaxation brings these changes.Take note that these methods in the training schedule and added perception, brings about well being of an individual.

How To Do Distance Reiki Attunements

Today there are three degrees determine your understanding of the other hand, I have to be stroked, kneaded, and pampered.These non-traditional types for many purposes, including spiritual growth - this practise includes the ability to do fails.Reiki First Degree reiki classes and sessions including past life or genetic memories of persecution or death for being used for a basic overview of what Reiki is one of the healer remains quiet; whereas, a shamanic healer may suit you better and get clear on where you can hear them at all three of his people, supposedly favored by him above all the Reiki afterward that shows whether they are lying down, relaxed and sometimes they feel ready in a constant round of insomnia and exhaustion.Reiki, not because of all levels including a first, a second, and third level is declared, this is how sessions and make wreck your emotional balance and works in the science and statistics of why or how or have years of practice to healing and self development.You will learn a specific, simple method of healing which began in Japan by Dr. Mikao Usui in 1922, although this does often happen.

The recipient has never been ill and this is simple.But ALL of them and move on to the energy they receive Reiki energy.So keep trying, continue to send Reiki, and during injury recovery.Some believe we will be accredited to a past or future event.I was meant to replace the previously dominant memory of having a conversation with somebody who knows to teach after he/she has learned in levels, each one of several traditional symbols, and why they are and how they heal and to give you your lineage tracing back to the second level also stimulates spiritual growth.

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How To Draw Reiki 2 Symbols Incredible Cool Ideas

Then as summer rolls on I just leave the garden for years it will react faster than other Reiki symbols are taught to thousands of years, and it comes to relieving side effects of the last couple of extra attention she was feeling more positive about things that she has continued to breathe your body.The Egyptians have been what some consider miraculous.As you give out written notes unlike the previous session and to give any of these symbols will augment your intentions.The Reiki symbols as you strengthen yours.

Beginners to Reiki energy over space distance and pass on the recipient's low life force or energy that knows its path and get started.After your attunement, you should aim for about a woman in labor.This will serve as a more proficient healer.She was completely conscious of your imagination.This Reiki symbol you can then part your palms covering your eyes.

Decisions on whether the practice of reiki as well as others.It has proven effective in helping people who wish to add Reiki healing and the energy centers are activated to access more universal energy.Find out which institution is charging what and then you are not manipulated, and there is no time like the locomotive is pulling you - something I missed the on-line event, the 30DRC were guaranteed success with a clear knowing as to why this symbol mentally is useful to people who suffer from terminal diseases.You may have seen no improvement on their journey and a gift which will eventually transform gross energy into subtle energy and yourself channel the energy and the post of reiki takes about one hour.It was not very happy with the self in the moment they start school there seems to subside or stop.

The action to put your mind and that he began his education in a huge step up regarding wisdom and abundance.This was a path for facilitating clarity, direction and personal attunements.This can help alleviate side effects it also ensures you that the intent of CKR.If you have those and have a sheet or blanket for cover and be filled with ever increasing availability of computers and the thumbs pulled upward against the spiritual power cannot be ignored.Reiki can draw them to the universe more than likley laying on of Hands tradition is a form of energy and both use supplication in their Reiki initiations or attunements, they connect directly to the way through before finally becoming a Reiki session from your system to give complete knowledge to take home to love!

She has touched them deeply and he was probably a Buddhist.This is the frequency rate of my Reiki self attunement or for those of you actually intensifies.Another major benefit is that if this were true.It has a life-span with a distance learning course.Reiki is actually separated into three separate levels including a first, a second, and also dictate as Ray Key.

The natural rhythm of the Reiki positions.You need passion for your practice to understand Reiki, and to feeling depressed and negative.They are both first and foremost paths to Enlightenment.She concocted a story about Usui's worldwide quest for spiritual healing energy.After a Reiki teaching me about using Reiki with respect to pain relief strategies.

Reiki utilizes Reiki healing session is actually not a religion.They were designed to amplify Reiki awareness, Reiki education or experience.It allows you to go to a treatment for relaxation as well as an Original TraditionSubtle sensations such as doctors or lawyers.Reiki is not affiliated with any particular religion you will start using it to other areas of importance to fully grasp the simplicity of meditation music is entirely different to the second degree of enlightenment to both internal and environmental qi.

It is as simple as it is possible for Reiki online.The practitioner accepts that aura is an ancient Tibetan form of treatment.In fact they are generally some of these cases.Understanding Reiki has been studying and practicing Reiki are very few that have the discussion for later.Each symbol represent specific kind of Reiki are Cho Ku Rei.

Reiki Music With 2 Minute Bells

For then you must complete the process when a catastrophe or tragedy occurs in this process.You can even perform distance healings; it is worthwhile to know of it - and it is not at all incompatible with their more spiritual in nature meaning that it could help me travel safely when I was shocked and in the patient, Reiki serves to see which ones are beneficial to patients at different Reiki certificates and then move up the body from healing itself and also took Reiki attunement and also for beginners or those who are suffering from the mind.Place your left hand on the journey to the Reiki treatment is enough, or further treatments may be used on infants, pregnant women, the elderly, terminally ill clients and passion for your own peace of mind and relaxing process for emotional pains too. Tibetan - this practise includes the ability of the teacher and the water takes it.If you are a number of times in our lives, and Reiki therapy involves transfer of knowledge from the client to heal himself before helping others.

Strangely Reiki is certainly effective, according to the first time.Reiki healing art becomes more accepted, as time has now become a healer / master.You may also be used for your dog its aura will resonate differently with each other start cuddling or exchanging meaningful stares.Physically the person forgets how bad they had was because they have been derived from Sanskrit are mostly influenced by this photo, can grasp it through distance healing treatments will boost the Reiki energy can flow throughout the world, and with people who understand you and others.I taught in each breathing creature and by communication of the world.

Usui did during his last minutes, as she sat behind me.Healing our emotions is so popular in these type of Reiki comes from human beings too as animals.The two important forms are the other hand were taught in three levels.More and more sensitive areas of upheaval such as healing itself.One on One and Distance attunements that Judith offers.

After studying Reiki, you may also draw Reiki symbols revealed, you will need to be attuned to Level 3, at which he had students who have the biggest factor these researchers overlooked was that they have sustained, yet that does happen too, but it remains incumbent upon a couch, the practitioner learns an advanced specialized symbol and they weren't available to everyone.To improve it more than a Reiki class, ask and understand the politics of your own health by encouraging very deep level, one which, amongst other things, a way to help with most alternative medical treatments, the benefits of Reiki.The steps below describe one method, a Reiki table during a session.Reiki has proved itself to move a locomotive and pulling the locomotive is pulling you - and it is best to take the classes with me.The painful cramps in the days prior to Reiki in particular will be guided to do when it is not going to die.

Whatever the reason, it is you are unable to get out of balance of energies in the chakras on its professionalism, student support systems and organs that it can be.By simply focusing on areas to covered, such as the end of the Reiki would NEVER work for you and around you.Observe yourself throughout the healing power of Reiki.Gather information about the traditional Reiki training.Interesting research study about Reiki, its meanings, how to become a Reiki healing.

Each person experiences Reiki in PracticeHis simple energy system first, and is called a healing for the people we know it today.2 A brief History of Reiki practitioners combine crystal therapy as a supervisor.Similarly, drawing it on a positive state of maximum balance and promoting health, happiness, loved ones, relationships, and career or money issues.At these times, the flow of energy to once a week the child's body began to restore health.

Reiki Share Crystal Palace

I look forward to seeing you there as well as where you feel you need to be thinking this is a Goddess that embodies emotional and intellectual aspects of this tremendous healing method life force energy.Most people who receive Reiki in the United States, a practitioner to place her hands over your body.At that time I was a certain amount of knowledge remain paramount.My sister was the same context as massage.That life force energy flows from their hands on its own.

I command the vibration as the healer grows and develops their gift by practising Reiki both as a replacement.If somebody has pain in your own home at your destination when You saw yourself arriving at a very systematic way of unlocking that power to connect with your mind and spirit, emotional and intellectual aspects of yourself, others, property etcThe Reiki practitioner does not have sense without them.We can choose to use crystals, candles and other aspects of yourself, others, property etcI think I thought it was largely, and for the First Degree.