#im actually really happy with something i wrote for the first time in forever!!

[olliddy]

wrote a long essay on the underrepresentation women in motorsports this is the most motivated i’ve ever been 😁

[odinsblog]

i havent been inside a grocery store in what feels like forever but last night i couldnt avoid it. when i went inside, there was this kid (maybe 18? 20? idk, im terrible at judging peoples age) swearing up a storm at her phone looking really exasperated, so i asked her if everything was okay?

(in my experience, when you ask people “is everything ok?” they usually say yes even if theyre in distress - people suffer in silence literally all the time bc unfortunately thats our culture - but when someone details out e x a c t l y what is wrong, they are asking you for your help even if they do not explicitly say the words, “please help me”)

she said her phone screen had just died (phone working, but screen display not working) and her parents had just sent her to the grocery store to get some stuff, but they insisted that she write everything down old school on a piece of paper, and the kid adamantly refused bc she said she could easily remember everything. now, unbeknownst to her parents, what she did was write it all down in a text message to herself. but now her screen had just died and she was DESPERATE to not have to go back to her parents for the list

after hearing this i suggest that she just use voice control to read her text messages back to her and she was like 🤯

i said yeah, just say something like “hey siri read back my last text message” and it should read back whatever messages you received recently. lol, and at first she looked like she didnt believe me and i told her to just try it. so she invoked siri and ofc it worked and read her back her text message with the grocery list. it was funny af because at first she didnt write anything down and she was like, OMG I DIDNT WRITE IT DOWN!! but since i was just getting off of work, i had a pen and paper on me so she wrote it down the second time. and she was sooo happy she was literally jumping up and down afterwards. sadly, she said her parents treat her like a dummy (her words) and she couldnt have beared having to go back and ask them for the list

so she gave me a big hug and (masked) kiss on the cheek and thanked me repeatedly and profusely

now here is the really funny part that tickled me and got me laughing out loud: without even the slightest bit of intentional derisiveness, she says, “thanks so much! i really think its great when people your age know how to use technology and computers”

and that was straight up the funniest shit thats happened to me in a hot minute. like, whats next, people holding the door open for me and saying, “here you go sir”? i actually got carded the other day. will that suddenly come to a halt now?

lmao. idc about getting older. i care about *not* getting older. imma live to be 800yrs old istg

so anyway i have about 3 more days left of officially being in my 30s

any suggestions on how i should finish out the last few days of my 30s?

[azzypzazzy]

Love Me Anyway

warnings: mild cursing

summary: reader and charlie had been friends since they were kids, and dated in private for a while until they broke up, and they’re now alone together for the first time in forever.

wordcount: 861

a/n: title is based off of love me anyway by chappell roan because it’s actually such a good song and i listened to it while thinking about this, which was based off of a dream and a few boygenius songs (emily im sorry my beloved). anyways, this is a little blurb i wrote, which im not sure if im gonna continue, honestly depends if anyone actually cares. also wrote this because i recently went through a shitty breakup so why not

“Charlie?” His eyes met yours, concern plastered on your face.

He took a moment. It felt unnatural. Everything had. Having to ask you, the person who knew him best, how life has been. It irked him, not knowing a thing about you anymore, “Sorry. I’ve been alright. Just streaming, trying to figure everything out.” 

You nodded, fiddling with the bracelets around your wrist. And Charlie couldn’t help but notice, “Something wrong?” 

Another pause. 

He always knew when something was wrong. “Not really. I guess I’ve just been a bit off, you know..” Your voice trailed off, never framing it as a question. He always knew. 

“Definitely,” he mumbled, his hand reaching up to itch the bottom of his jaw. All he wanted to do was pull you into his arms, be there for you, be the one for you. He had to be. Instead, he sat next to you, cramped in the car, desperate to distract himself. “Anything new with you?” 

You finally smiled, a faint chuckle escaping your lips, “Didn’t you ask me that already?” 

Seeing you happy allowed him to finally breathe, the tension between you two a bit lighter. “Guess I did.” 

He knew you hadn’t told him the full truth. And you had to know he knew. 

You sucked in a breath, “I got a new job a bit ago.” 

“That’s good to hear, glad you finally quit serving. Place was a fucking dump,” He paused. It was subtle, but he couldn’t miss how your expression changed, how you now couldn’t look him in the eye. “Uh, so what’re you up to now?”

Your eyes darted out the window, probably looking to see if your friends were coming back to your rescue. After a moment you responded with a mumble, “I didn’t quit or anything, just started picking up shifts at the Citgo. My ex moved out a bit ago, and the place isn’t really fit for a roommate, so ‘m trying to pick up the slack.” 

Oh. You had a boyfriend. 

Charlie swallowed, barely able to collect himself to comfort you. “Sorry to hear that.”

“It’s—It’s fine,” You shook your head. Your hand had moved up from your bracelets to your rings. “It was for the better anyways, he was an asshole.” 

“If it helps, I haven’t had much luck romantically either,” He admitted, his eyes meeting yours again. Did it? 

The corners of your lips turned up subtly, only enough for Charlie to notice. “That sucks. But uh, at least we’ve still got time, right?” 

“Yeah,” He assured you, “We’ve still got plenty of time.” 

Silence filled the car, neither of you knowing how to continue the conversation. 

Charlie’s right leg bounced up and down, his hand resting on his left. “Hey, uh, you remember when we promised to get married if we were still single by twenty five?” He chuckled, anxiously meeting your gaze. He couldn’t tell if it was a good conversation starter, or an extremely weird thing to bring up. 

You once again laughed, a grin staying on your face once you stopped. “Christ, Charlie. We were sixteen, you’re gonna hold me to that?” 

“What? Oh come on—I’m not saying that. I was just thinking about how stupid we were. I mean, married by twenty five. Who even wants that?” He laughed, trying desperately to escape the teasing which was sure to come. 

And come it did, as you let out another cackle, “You do! You totally do! Oh my god, you’re seriously gonna lie about that to me? It’s—Jesus christ man,” You continued to laugh, wiping non existent tears from the corners of your eyes, “It’s fine, just, like, that’s not even that old? Like, why would we ever say that?” 

He turned his head, resting on the window, “I don’t. I really don’t. I’m happy right where I am,” But as you continued your laughing fit it got harder for him to remain serious, forcing him to finally crack a smile. “Well, you could’ve done way worse than me.” 

You took a breath, trying to calm yourself down. “Oh trust me,” Your hand met his shoulder, firmly grabbing him, “I have.” 

He could only laugh more, unsure what to do. Everything was perfect, normal again. Trapped in an isolated moment, in a world of uncertainty. The way the moonlight spilled through the windows to hit your face. The familiar scent of your perfume trapped in the car. The way your crows feet crinkled when you laughed. He’d missed all of it dearly. 

Your arm retreated back to your lap, snapping him back into reality, only to hear you whisper a small apology. 

He felt his breath pick up, worried he just ruined everything he spent all night trying to build up. “No worries,” He tried to smile again, wanting the energy to pick up. Wanting you back. 

“You know, I really missed you,” You admitted, your voice dropping into a small whisper. You fiddled with your own thumbs, the need to fidget still prevalent. 

He took a final breath, trying to calm himself. “I missed you too,” He said, before following it by a whisper, “More than you’ll ever know.” 

[ppenguinpperson]

canine girl in all her doggy glory!! already posted her design and profile the other day, but i updated her profile and i want all her images in one post.. speaking of her profile, warning warning for talk of violence there more on canine (+ lyrics?!! Woah!!) under the cut:)

canine girl is inspired/an au of my oc alík, but i don't think it'd be wrong to say she's a different character alltogether? while the things she struggles with are things that alík does, too, she's more like.. idk ❤️only i can understand this ...

as you may have guessed by her warning, canine girl has violent intrusive thoughts, and feels extremely guilty for them, even if she never acts out on them. her profile doesnt get too into this .. since she feels that guilt and shame, i don't think she'd wanna share the details online .. or with anybody ever.. you know how it is 💥

her design is smth i struggled with greatly .. her mask is this

and as soon as i saw it on alíks pinterest board i was set on using it and im sooo happy i did!! i think it works greatly..!!! other notable things about her design, that im happy with, are mostly to do with her hoodie. her hoodie-ears are actual ears, shes just hiding them:) and its made to resemble a service dog vest!

you can't really see it in the 'fake screenshot' art, the first one, but she's got a kind of belt (harness ?) around her chest !! its around her shoulders too.. and her chain hanging from that could be interpreted as a leash ig ?? idk 💥💥you'll never understand sinister minds inner workings... another design-y thing is !! shes got her arms around herself in the fake screenshot, which is bc she's hiding her claws from you 💥her eyes are also made to resemblea wolfs:)

her pants are just like that bc its alíks fashion sense 💥and bc i think they fit! and i like them!! a little treat just for me:)

another thing that i wanna talk about is her profile!! its so !! chill !! the colours are warm and inviting, her info there is silly, she invites you to talk with her if you're struggling, shes got fun blinkies.. !! shes just having fun on a site hanging out and chilling .. its like that bc i wanted to show, even if in a little way, that intrusive thoughts arent indicative of a persons identity. canine's intrusive thoughts don't make her a bad person, they don't make her a rabid dog like she thinks, they just make her somebody with intrusive thoughts. shes more than her intrusive thoughts, you know ??

anyhow! the lyrics !! i wrote lyrics for a theoretical song that she would have, but Wont, because im not a songwriter. i might make a silly littly tune for her one day, like a minute long at most, most likey shorter, so these lyrics are what you get !! and also it was my second time writing actual lyrics (first time was 10 minutes before when i was writing lyrics for another tptm oc, unknown girl) so Dont be meanies... Ok... treat me niceys... her voice for this would be kohaku merry btw :3

warning, again, more specified this time: themes of violent intrusive thoughts, talk of violence, vague references to generational abuse

That I’m just like a dog, I know Got the leash and collar to show Tug it one way, then another I’ll obey you like no other

But obedience doesn’t cut it With teeth sharper than a razor blade The only way to be is afraid That’s what I say, anyway

Can’t say I’m sorry, not to you That’d scare me, letting you know  About your mangled body on the floor Still just a fantasy, nothing more

(Violent thoughts suppressed) Ineffective muzzle helps little (Violent needs repressed) ‘Cause my razors make it brittle It’s not on purpose, just my spittle Can’t help my second nature

(BEAT ME, FLAY ME, LEAVE ME DEAD PLEASE DO YOUR WORST, I BEG IT WON’T BE UNDESERVING TO BEAT A WILD DOG SENSELESS

GIVE IT YOUR ALL, YOUR EVERYTHING WE BOTH KNOW I’D DO WORSE WERE I NOT A DOG BUT SOMETHING LIKE I AM NOW, JUST SHAMELESS)

The carpet floor’s forever stained A family heirloom of violence and hate Trying so hard to reject that norm Can’t help but feel it’s all I’m destined for

Gotta stop myself with only a collar Can’t be like my father’s bully father So as long as you hold my leash I swear I’ll hide my deepest needs

Even if it’s not real, I fear You’ll reach into me and see All these sinful fantasies Of your bloody arteries I don’t mean them, believe me It’s just that this is all I know how to be A mutt that doesn’t know any better Only to claw and dismember

(Violent thoughts excessed) Maybe it’s just natural selection (Violent needs processed) Can no longer deny this connection That I’m just like a dog, I know Got all this shame to show

Your hands are only ever kind A stark contrast to my mind It’s not real, just thoughts, I know Adrenaline still fills me though

My collar thins, soon it will snap Go away, don’t want you here for that Your kindness is naivety My impending misery Your outstretched hand is prey Don’t say I didn’t warn you  Here comes the prophesised day Where the hand feeds no more

(WITH MY LEASH AND MUZZLE GONE YOU MISTAKE FOR A FAWN YOU THROW MY COLLAR TO THE FLOOR I BEG, PUT IT BACK ON NOT YOUR FAULT, BUT C’MON DON’T BE SO CRUEL AND SHOW ME I’M THE ONLY VICTIM TO MY FANTASY)

[shapeofallcosmos]

time to get stupid about the king again

seeing this guy on my friend's brother's ps2 right before i moved out of my hometown at age 9 was insane, like it caused such a delayed reaction that took ten years to finally kick in. i'm desensitized now, but this changed 9 year old me in a way that i can only articulate now or something. not my favorite design, but its so classic. so original. so tastefully off putting to normal people. so...katamari. In my humble opinion, his tight clothing exudes subtle yet awesome confidance. no fear, nothing to hide, he wants all of it shown off. it's really cool. And his HEAD. I want a pillow with that pattern. Purple is by far my favorite color (and i think it's his too?) and its so soothing to look at. staring at him on my tv with my already fuzzy eyesight makes it downright hypnotic.

He's stupid, your honor. EDIT:Forgot to mention they took away his chest hair. Let the man be hairy. ok ok, on to we love. (reroll version)

oh yeah baby. oh YEAH. this is the stuff of dreams. so casual. so laid back. so lovely. he's comfy. at least physically. that stupid throne we only see again in touch my katamari. what's that lever for? sorry. tangent. the blue. the flowiness of it. his neck ruff not being sharp but instead soft and gentle. A more gentle King. I love it a lot. I actually bought some pants i saw in a thrift store because it reminded me of this king. It's such a good design. oh my god i love this king. He just looks so gentle. Like he's 20% more father now. Not "king", but "father. I don't know how to describe it. I want this fit so bad. The head is also soothing to look at too! Very nice, yet again a lot more gentle feeling, especially on the eyes. I'm probably just biased because this was the first game i started with. oh well. great design 10/10 i just wish they'd slow down on using it so much in other games (reused in forever as a model, and in touch as a model. im VERY pissed about how it was used in touch.)

ew

this was funny though. though it's kind of terrifying having him smiling when he's that close to you and when you're that small. please dont eat me.

i deeply enjoy when they are shown happy together. this design kind of smells. i actually think it's worse than touch.

I. LOVE. THIS. FIT. It's SO stupid. the stupidest fit he'll ever have. I just need to see how he even walks in it.

as i have said before, this design looks very much like my bed i used to sleep in at my grandma's house. I wanna lay on him and fall asleep. Looks so comfy. i also generally love beautiful katamari and i love how he's written as sort of like a father-friend, at least in how he talks. It reminds me of how my mom talks to me. I know, that's bias, but whatever. Beautiful King is a good dad friend to me. I love him.

man. man why'd they ruin you. i weep for this design. it's over the top in a way i dont really think fits him but it's still super pretty. I'm so mad they wrote him like that in forver. sometimes its funny but most of the time its just upsetting. he's mean yeah, but not THAT mean. (Some dialogue from RoboKing implies that when the King is off doing his own thing and that thing doesn't wind up going how he wanted it to, he'd come back and take his anger out on Robo. We never see it and again, it's just text and Robo could be lying for pity points but JESUS CHRIST. It upsets me so much! How could they do that to King?!

why. why would they do this. I cant enjoy Forever's design when it's attached to that kind of writing. all i can think of is how much of a jerk he is. i hate it. it's so pretty. im mad. on to touch...

I hate you and everything you stand for. And I am also sorry for what they did to you. You didn't deserve this. Or maybe you did.

[alexias-left-foot]

Scared of the dark

It´s the first time i write something here so Idk how to do this, sorry about it, also, my native language isn´t english, so im sorry for the spelling mistakes. I wrote a small one so you can see how I write, Hope someone can give me orientation and a feedback, please. Btw, wrote this while listening to the song Scared of the dark by Lil Wayne, Ty Dolla $ign and XXXTENTACION, if you want to hear it i leave here the link for you.

Warnings: Alexia`s ACL Injury, angst, dead, insomnia, nightmares,

Today wasn't a normal day, it wasn't actually a day. It was 4:46am and you were still awake. You couldn't sleep, Everything felt so wrong. Alexia and Olga were sleeping and you were thinking and rethinking everything you have done with your life, on the balcony of your room with a view of the city. The sun was starting to get up and you didn't even start to sleep. Even if you were sleepy you could see how beautiful the city is, it was your home now…

You were only 15 but you already signed a contract with an European giant, with Barça, to replace Putellas while she is injured cause she tore her ACL. You were young, nervous, clumsy and shy when you arrived.You have never been to Barcelona before, but it was espetacular . Everyone of your friends told you how beautiful it was, you believed in them, of course they were right, but you were still scared. You were far from your mami e papi and from your friends and from your little town where it all started, but Alexia and Olga made sure you were gonna be okay and safe. 

—

They made everything feel like it was your home. They helped you with your homework, helped you when you broke up with your girlfriend, helped you when most of your friends stopped to answer your daily calls and messages, and on many other things,like when your parents died in a car crash. That was the low point of your life. the tragic death of your parents. You never went to throw it. It was and is hard for you to accept that they were just gone because of a drunk man. Thinking they were gonna make you happy on their way to see you after long months, they made the worst mistake ever of getting out of your town and never got into the game. You were terrified when Alexia had to tell you what happened. You cried so much that night. It's so scary to think that it was only one month ago.

Since the accident Alexia promised nothing was gonna happen to you, she and Olga would be your family and will forever protect you no matter what. They  were your family now. Your little family. They are everything that you have left. They did a good job with you last month, actually, they were incredibly good at dealing with you, they always listened to you even if you said the most stupid things, even if some words might hurt them they always listened to you. They wanted to make sure that you know that they would always be there for you no matter what happens, they wanted you to know that you will always have a shoulder to cry on if you wanted to. You know that they were always going to be there for you, but you just didn't want to bother them or being a weight

—

You are seated on a small couch that is on your balcony. The fresh air makes you feel good, less anxious than you have been, but it also makes you cry because it reminds you of home, how simple things were.

Suddenly you hear a calm voice interrupting your thoughts ´I didn't know you were an early riser, nena.´ It was Alexia. Alexia has called you nena since she met you, it has no special reasons but she likes to call you that. ´Me neither…` you answered with a tired little smile ´Everything is okay?´ She asked you with a concerned look while getting close to sit with you on the couch. ´Not really, I can´t sleep, I'm having countless nightmares, can't even think of getting into bed again´ you let off steam as you gazed at the city that was beginning to be more illuminated. ´I heard you screaming during your small nap after the practice, now I heard you opening the windows and seeing you like this is hurting me. Me and Olga are starting to be more worried about you again nena, you have been more tired than ever, zoning out every time, and being all day in your room. I know it is normal, it has been a month since the accident happened, I know you are still fighting and denying it, but you can't go through this alone, nena. I also know you are just a teenager, and that the accident isn't the only thing making you like this right now and that you also have this teenagers' problems, I know stupid people will be there and leave you many times, and it will hurt, I know it will leave a big scar on you, just like everything that makes you leave a tear, but we are here to help you, no matter what happens, vale?´ She was being so honest with you, it hurted seeing her being hurt by your own problems, her eyes were wide and she couldn't sleep because of you and you were feeling so guilty because of that. ´ I'm sorry Ale´ you said, clearing the tears that started to fall when Alexia started to talk ´I'm trying my best to talk, but it is so hard to open up, even worse when i'm not sure what to say. I truly don't know what to say, I want to talk so much but I just can't ask for help or open up, I just can´t. I swear it is not because i don't trust you or Olga, cause i do, but yes cause i just don't know how to talk or how to say everything that has been on my mind lately. i'm so sorry, i'm gonna try harder and better, and i'm so sorry, i didn't mean to warn you or to let you guys worry, i´m so sorry. I´m just so scared of everything. Everything is so different now´-you said while you just let the hot tears fall from your face. ´Oh pequeña, you don't have to be sorry for anything, it's  not your fault. We love you, we are just worried. You are our little kid, our child, that's why we are worried about you, because we want to be a part of your life nena. We love you. We believe in you, we know you are strong, but you don't have to go through all these things alone. You are going to be fine, I promise.´ she said while hugging you and wiping your tears away. You both fell asleep after that, because you were woke up by Olga at 11:00 am. ´Good morning sunshines`she said with a little careful laugh ´Morning´ you and Ale said ´Slept well?´she asked with a funny look ´Thanks to Ale, sí,mucho!´you said while hugging the couple

[chryblossomjjk]

bts fic recommendations | 03.07.23

→ hi friends! this is a little segment i do every tuesday (reviewsday get it, aren’t i funny, pls tell me how funny i am) where i read and review two-three fics. as a content creator, i know how big of a role other creators play in your growth, therefore, i want to do my part in making sure everyone gets the recognition they deserve! so with that being said, please check out the amazing fics listed below. make sure to like, reblog, and leave feedback! ♡ #reviewsday #kikirecs

stardust - @euphoricfilter (jjk x reader | fluff, smut, f2l)

summary:  if jungkook would have known an unintentional orgasm would have led to this, then he would have begged you to work out with him sooner.

naur bby when i tell you i loved this from the first paragraph...

"If every living being’s foundation is made of stardust, scattered when born, then Jungkook thinks the two of you were made from the same star."

and the way you continued the analogy throughout was pure literature gold (or should i say diamond teehee). its stuff like this that i read and im like damn, the moots are really out here posting fics that could easily be published best sellers for fucking free!! how lucky are we!!!

OOF AND THE PILLOW PRINCESS COMMENT HAD ME LOOKING AROUND THE ROOM BLUSHING BC HOW DOES HE KNOW ME LIKE THAT I FELT CALLED OUT LMAO

and the whole workout scene hits even better after his workout live like i legit was able to visual everything... and sex in the mirror will never not be top tier :')

i love this jungkook dearly. this is how i imagine irl jk yk? just that hopeless romantic vibe, feeling that he has someone on this earth that is meant for him and he's meant for them. thats encapsulated so beautifully in this fic. such beautiful writing, thank you for blessing us with this fucking masterpiece!!

knee high socks - @minniesvenus (jjk x reader | smut, college au)

summary: after being obsessed with you and your knee high socks for forever, jungkook can't believe that you finally notice him.

okay so do you ever just hear a song or smell a smell that feels so incredibly nostalgic and fills your head with dreamy thoughts and stars and stuff... that's exactly how i felt while reading this! like i just kept thinking of the arctic monkeys song and the way you characterized jungkook's crush is just so authentic. its just that pure school crush feeling where you anticpate seeing this person and the more time you see them you pick up on little things and it makes you fall even deeper oof. there's just something so fimilair about the way you wrote this and it's probably one of the most realistic depictions i've seen of the natural progression of a crush like uGH THE FUCKING TALENT !!!

and it makes you root for him so much like i was internally cheering for him when she asked him to sit next to him. it was so fucking wholesome and sweet i screamed

and then shit got unwholesome real quick whew

her giving him praise actually made me so happy though! like you definitely inspired me to write more of that bc its so refreshing and cute!! and the smut was saur naughty but so sweet bc she was just guiding him through the motions and once again it just felt so natural which is no easy feet!! like you really hit the nail on the head with this one and it will be added to my comfort fic list asap!! so so so lovely!!

in the seom: love for dummies - @thvhoe (jjk x reader | smut, fluff, angst, fwb, college au, camping au)

summary: always the friend, never the girlfriend. jeon jungkook doesn't date. at least that's what he thought until he met you, a chemistry student who seemed to have it all—except for love. meeting at a mutual friends frat party, you hit it off right away. however, due to both of your stubbornness, it has never progressed beyond being friends with benefits. the annual camping trip with your friend group was supposed to be the turning point in your relationship with jungkook. but what happens when your best friend of 18 years unexpectedly comes back from busan and confesses to you, further complicating matters?

OoF WHAT A FUCKING OPENING SCENE LMAO!! i was horny from fucking JUMP!!! and kook juggling between pet names and not knowing what to call her made me giggle but always made me extremely soft like aw :') <3

and y/n really whipped that fuckboy into shape we love to see it!! he better buy gifts n work for the coochie!!! >:(

"Pookie🩶: Can't sleep. Send me a pic of your boobies?"

this had me cackling bc this behavior is saur... annoyingly endearing like he legit is a big baby and i love him lmao even though unholy he is extremely cute.

^y/n and i both having immaculate taste and listening to ditto

and i am so thankful things turned out well for this pairing. i felt so sad for him like ugh the protectiveness and worry over her. he was generally just so wholesome throughout this entire fic. def a fav protrayal of jungkook. thank you so much for sharing this beautiful peice with us my love!

[lunarthecorvus]

YOOO A KANEJ FAN

I HAVE FOUND MY PEOPLE

yes soc is awesome im on like a 3rd reread rn

actually i came here because of that asks reblog thingie to ask you something like what's your fav colour or shir

BUT KANEJ!!!

okay you gotta tell me your fav scene. also did you read the books or watched the show

Heyy! First I have to apologise for being so late with this- I can be good at answering asks or just awful at answering them on time-

I have read the books and watched the show. I watched the show first then got hyperfixated on the crows and needed to consume the books so I listened to the audiobooks! I adore the audiobooks and all the voices BUT I have a complaint about the pronunciation of words being different each time I heard them- even the same voice actors would pronounce the same word differently ahsha

Show wise I have quite a few favourite scenes and one of them is the one where all the crows (minus Matthias </3) were in that cafe discussing plans. Another one is the one where Jesper says that Jes means Suli for friendship, I loved the moment where the train expolded, the irony was just funny and I loved Jesper in that scene.

The scene where we had Inej, Zoya and Nina is the same frame was perfectt. Alina telling the Darkling she can deal with it hersekf and handle the people coming after her, also her killing the Darkling was amazing because I despise that creepy man. Inej doing the cool jump and slicing the shadow demon, iconnn. Honestly I almost wrote about that whole scene, I just love it all.

Seeing Kaz, Jesper and Nikolai be in the same room (the scene where Jesper and Kaz are arrested), I also loved.

Ooo and the scene where Inej is surrounded and goes 'the question is will I waste my prayers tonight after gutting you all' that was INEJ FUCKING GHAFA, shes so powerfulll. Then her and Nina interacting (I know not for long but stilll) and Nina speaking Suli, YESS. I wish that scene was longer.

Book wise, I could go on forever and in more detail about but I don't want this to be too long, so if you want to know more about why I love these scenes, feel to send an ask and i might get to it this year hopefully ahhsdh-

Inej being injured in the ship and Nina taking care of her. Just reading Nina care for Inej and them just being best friends and just talking was so nice to read, those girls deserve the worlddd, also their friendship means so much to mee.

Jesper and Wylan when they're breaking the chain because thats when I really realised how much I loved book!wesper and them interacting was so niceee. Also we just got see more of a newer side of Wylan and Jesper, it's one of my favouritee wesper scenee.

Kaz and Inej 'I would come for you' scene, when I tell you I was shocked at this scene, two people guarded like those two. Especially admitting that he would come for her not matter what was happening to either of them, he would come for herrr.

I was going to include just one but the other scene is the scene where Kaz says is my tie straight and Inej laughs, its them being in love and just being soft for a moment AHHHH, then when she goes to her parents and when she goes 'her heart was a river and it carried her to the sea', the fact that she gets to reunte with her parents hunt slavers and work with Kaz to take them down on land sometimes as well, JUST I LOVE HER and am happy for her. Her saying she thinks he's worth saving AAAAA.

Honourary mention is when she said the 'I will have you without armour or I will not have you at all' she set boundries as she should despite the fact that she knew she had feelings for him and wasn't willing to throw her life away and basically said that he needs to be willing to work on himself, Y E S.

Matthias and Nina, the kiss scene where he spins her around, I SQUEALED when I read that. I adore them both and was so happy when they actually finally broke down all the tensity and gave innn.

Nina being on Parem, I know that its sad because of what it did to her BUT she was just so powerful and commanding in that scene I just ahhhhhh love it. Also I love how Nina just manages to flirt her way through stuff and is an incredible spy, NINAAAA, shes so impressive

Wylan, ooo this one, its when Wylan was first disguised as Kuwei and watched his dad be fine with killing him, as well as just being face to face with his abusive piece of shit father. As someone who has/had a Dad like that when I heard that I was so FREAKING PROUD of him, he was face to face and watched his father do that and managed to boast to him about knowing he'd that and fooling him, Y E S. I was so impressed and knew the strength it would take to even face him, I'm still so proud of him to this

Inej, there are so many scenes but one is the 'when the world owed you nothing, you demanded something of it anyway.' just hit the feels, she's writing her own fate after other people writing it for her and knowing that unlike Dunyasha she didn't have some special protection when she was taken, but she will hold herself up because she has survived and she is INEJ GHAFA. Another scene like this I loved was the incinerator scene because it felt so just AHHH, she finally chose that she was going to survive and finally live, it just hitss. And she released she was going to do it herself and not for work for anybody and help people like her.

There are so many more Inej scenes but this post is already too long that I don't want to make it so much longer, I wanted to include scenes for Kaz, Jesper and Matthias but I saw this post was just so long so for now I'm ending it here, if you want me to write about those scenes just send me another ask about it and I'll include them :)

[eddiebabygirldiaz]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @captain-hen @anxieteandbiscuits @lemonzestywrites @forthewolves @king-buckley @hippolotamus @watchyourbuck @shitouttabuck @lover-of-mine @thewolvesof1998 @heartshapedvows @jesuisici33 @hoodie-buck @wikiangela @monsterrae1 @exhuastedpigeon

thank you all! sorry it took me so long to do this <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

13

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

582,638

3. What fandoms do you write for?

only 911 at first but now i have a fringe fic and a wolfsong fic in the works

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

there's always been a rainbow hangin' over your head (eddie comes out to buck and to be supportive buck buys eddie a very gay mug)

today i live for a single drop of you (5 times buck dreams about sucking eddie's cock and 1 time he actually gets to do it)

when the violence causes silence (set after 6x10, eddie dealing with the aftermath of the lightning strike and working out how to confess his feelings)

we live and breathe words (buck finds eddie's poetry and realizes eddie is in love with him and decides to do something about it)

slowly getting sober from the taste of your skin (pwp, threesome between buck, eddie, and evil doctor buck)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i do! at least, i do my best, i know sometimes i get the notification and look away and completely forget asdfghjkll, but i love responding and weeping about my gratitude

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

ummm all of my fics have happy endings sooooo i don't have an answer for this

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

ummm maybe red life might stream again because eddie and buck went through a lot of shit in that fic so i made it my mission to give them the happiest and sappiest ending possible

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i have been very lucky in that i haven't

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

oh yes i do. and i suppose it's very emotional and sappy smut. i do try to balance filthy and sweet

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

never written one

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to me knowledge

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

me and @elvensorceress started writing a s2 rewrite where shannon lives that i absolutely adore, it's taken a bit of a backburner but it lives forever in my heart. also me and @spaceprincessem plan on writing one that im sure will be so very self-indulgent

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

gotta be buddie (though polivia from fringe is a close second)

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

im not sure. i plan on getting all of my wips done at some point and i don't really think there is one that i won't (at least not at this point)

16. What are your writing strengths?

descriptions i think. i can paint a pretty picture and definitely have flowery purple prose. and a lot of people have told me i am good at characterization which i always worry about but am glad to hear that's it's something im good at even if i doubt it

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i cannot shut up. everything i write is so lengthy even when it doesn't need to be. being succinct definitely isn't my strong suit. and uhh i struggle with writing dialogue because i will get lost in the character's headspace and forget people are supposed to be talking

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i absolutely love it though i don't do it often because i get nervous about it. thankfully i have friends that i can ask if i am unsure about something and im trying to get more comfortable doing it

19. First fandom you wrote for?

supernatural

20. Favourite fic you've written?

gotta be to you i'm just a man (to me you're all i am) because i put my heart and soul into that fic and i really loved delving into the 118's dynamic and everyone's relationship with buck and creating new circumstances for eddie and buck to fall in love

no pressure tagging (and sorry if you've already been tagged) @elvensorceress @spaceprincessem @bvckandeddie @colonoscopys @housewifebuck @prettyboybuckley @rogerzsteven @paranoidbean @911onabc @honestlydarkprincess @bigfootsmom @try-set-me-on-fire @bucks118 @devirnis @giddyupbuck @disasterbuckdiaz @transboybuckley @rewritetheending @eddiediaztho @callaplums

[mostlymaudlin]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers 💫

thank you @decaflondonfog for the tag !! ill tag @sillyunicorn @starwarned @urban-sith @tea-brigade

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

98!! (woah) plus an unrevealed t&n fest fic, so 99. wow i need to do something rly crazy for 100 lol. what if i do a ridiculous crossover of all my fandoms and everyone in the fandom tags will hate me. 

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

544,914. (again. woagh)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

mostly all for the game and simon snow series, have dabbled in & posted even less for check please, captain america, and one direction! i feel like i’m missing something but regardless my fixations are hardcore, so all except like 4k of that posted wc is for either aftg or ss hahahha

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

all are andreil! boyfriend privileges (4k, T) / Trigger (62k, E) / flashes of intimacy (10k, t) / Would you still love me if I was a worm? (6k, T) / Inside Thoughts (1k,T)

man this is long, rest is going under the cut lol

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

not very often, but i wish i did. i am stricken with a combination of being really awkward when people are nice to me & being bad at interacting with anyone in ways i fear could be perceived as ingenuine. im not sure if that makes sense LMAO. and sometimes when i put a story out, i kind of feel like i’ve said my piece — i’ve put so much into it that i don’t really know what else to say!

anyway, i always reply to questions, because that’s got clear social boundaries hahaha, and i DO love talking abt my stories!! and sometimes i’ll reply to comments that really get me thinking. but yeah, i know i reply less than i could, and i want to like double down on the fact that i am endlessly grateful for everyone who has ever left a comment on my work <3

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i have killed simon snow twice lmfao. i’d actually classify icarus as rather hopeful — it’s about grief & healing. but legacies is just fucked up lmfao

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

oh man, i write a lot of happy endings haha. i feel like even when my story is tonally darker (rare), it still has a happy or at least hopeful ending. this is probably not the correct answer, but i think sing of the moon has a really vividly happy ending. like — the sun rises for the first time in the whole fic! amazing. or maybe my high school au, We Can Live Forever, which is just the happiest thing i’ve ever written. 

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not really, thankfully! people are smartasses sometimes but overall ive been lucky. there have been a couple of fics where ive winced before hitting post, but it usually ends up fine

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yessss. i guess i mostly write tender smut, bc i write tender things in general. i think my smut tends to be rather exploratory/playful as well? intentionally sloppy and awkward choreography hahaha

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

sort of LOL. once upon a time i was betaing @tea-brigade's medieval snowbaz au, Reliquary of an Arsonist, and there’s this part where three highway bandits mug simon and baz and then get blasted by simon’s chosen one magic. i am sick in the head so im in the google doc like “lol what if its kandreil.” and then i was like… what if it was kandreil….. and so i wrote Reliquary of a Bandit

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don’t think so

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes!!! and i’m really thankful for everyone who has done so <3333 shoutout to russian aftg translators, yall go HARD

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i recently collaborated with @thewholelemon on our episode of Star Trek: Redemption, Heart-Shaped Box. by which i mean: i wrote the outline & a few scenes, got really overwhelmed, and jenny turned it into something worth reading! 

i also wrote Good Boy in the snowbaz stoner verse with @starwarned, which was rly fun — we sat in the google doc for like, 5 hours trading back and forth on POVs as we wrote pure porn together LOL. it’s funny to think about this, because lauren knows like everything abt me now but we did not know each other as well back then!!! and we were just like “yeah lets write porn together” hahahahha 

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

right now it is deeefinitely andreil… they are everything to me for reasons i just cannot possibly be brief about LOL so ill just leave it at that

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i have a postcanon snowbaz time travel/time loop wip that i was going to try to write for COBB this year but i fucked up the deadlines then the brainrot was like “guess that means more andreil !”. i did SO MUCH research for it and i think it’s rather clever and smutty and fun bc they are yeeted back to watford era! but it’s also dealing with snowbaz, who are in their late 20s and are like in a relationship low point/actively fighting when they end up in the loop… so they are dealing with that tension at the same time as they are trying to get out of the loop. and also fucking around watford to fulfill fantasies HAHAHA

16. What are your writing strengths?

characterization is the thing i care most about! and i think that’s the draw of fanfic in particular to me — i love getting such a grasp on a character that i can translate them into endless situations while still making them feel true to self. i rarely let myself publish anything until i can read through the whole thing without any he would not fucking say that moments hahahha. this is of course pertaining to my own interpretations of the characters, which is the only thing i care abt lmfao

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i rely a lot on body language because im always writing abt reticent fuckers who cant use their words. but i think i sometimes overcompensate, or describe actions that don't actually fit the scene. i've seen this described as "cheek-biting" -- like, throwing in action during a conversation just to delay the pacing/further the tone, but when you really look at it, it's not necessary. (cheek-biting being like, "character bites at their cheek" in the middle of a tense conversation)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i don’t really know any other languages! i think i’ve put a little bit of french in neil/kevin/baz POVs before, but my french knowledge is elementary at best. love the idea of it though.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

one direction babyyyyyyyy !! i wrote quite a bit of it in like 2012-2015 but published very little. there’s 1 on my ao3, some lost somewhere on fanfiction.net (i dont rmr my username lol), and tons in my folders from my old laptop lol.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

hmmmmm. im gonna cheat bc i cant pick a single favorite. i always say i think No Turning Back is some of my best writing from a craft standpoint, and it also includes my favorite type of conflict (andrew self-destructing lol). however, i reread both that fic & We Can Live Forever on a plane trip recently after not having touched either for 6+ months — and the solidness of We Can Live Forever actually surprised me, especially because i wrote the majority of that fic while i was stoned and also view it as just exceedingly silly. the world of it is just very rich, and also very very different from the typical character backstories, and i’m very proud of how much that reread played with my heartstrings.  

ok last one — there are several installments of my flashes of intimacy series that i come back to a lot, because i’m proud of what they each accomplish in 500 words. especially because i often turn to those when im trying to express my own emotions lol. specifically, my favorites are picking fights, i don’t mind, swimming lessons, and practicing gratitude.

that was such a bullshit and cocky way to answer this lmfaooooo. but tbh i am my own biggest fan and that is by design — i write stuff so that i can reread it months later and have it be perfectly catered to my tastes. i love all my fics <3

[rimetin]

How about 3, 15, and 30 for the writer ask meme?

Hi, thank you!!

3. What’s something you learned about yourself as a writer?

Oh interesting question. Hmm. I think I refined my process a little bit? I finally found a way to write that rly works for me and found myself thinking and reminding myself abt it consciously multiple times. (Namely, just finish the skeleton, it's ok if the words are a lil stunted, u will return and double if not triple that word count on the second and third gos when u add the meat.) And i also learned more abt how to make multiparts and longfics work for me, so that's good.

15. Rec a fic you wrote or posted in 2023

Broo its been my most prolific year in writing by a huge margin,, hm. Ill say let the sea birds cry, because it's an idea that plagued me forever and i actually managed to get it on paper and im rly happy with the way it turned out. and doffy was a delight to write.

30. What’s something that you want to write in 2024?

More Doffy!! But also like. So many things. I wanna finish my post-Winner Island smolaw series as well as my lawbin piece, and maybe even return to my tma magnum opus (or magnus opus) tho that requires me to get back into that headspace. Then i really really wanna work on and develop my third corazon idea, which would be my first truly intentional longfic! So like... So much shit lmao

Thanks so much for the ask!! Ask meme me?

[maangoes]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love❤

beau.. my sweet gumdrop 🫶🏽thank u for this & i hope the new year is treating you kindly. my favorite five things i’ve written in no particular order:

miss twenty something - i wrote this a long time ago, but i reread it every so often, and it usually holds up for me. i’d make some minorish changes if i wrote it now, but i’ve never wanted to actually do that to the fic bc so many lovely people tell me they reread it, and im worried they might notice… but yeah. i put a lot of thought into this fic, especially into the dynamic between jason and Bruce & Jason and dick. in many ways, it’s the most personal fic i have ever written. jason Todd forever baby

in the wake of a hurricane, dark skin of a summer shade - i should’ve written a lot more iwaoi than this when i had the brain worms for them, but this unfortunately coincided w my first year of l*w sch**l, so it was Not meant to be.. but i have a fondness for the dynamic the specific way it’s depicted here. Cliched as hell but i love pining between best friends who know each other better than anyone. It makes my chest tight!

nobody gets me - i actually wrote this in 2020 but only posted this past year bc i saw it in Google drive and was like weird that I never posted this! i wrote some fics about aokise being in love, but this is a break up fic. there’s a LOT i would change about this whole series if i revisited it now, but there are some good moments and details in this installment specifically. the bones are good. and a messy breakup is the truest and realest thing i could envision for this dynamic. And i love these characters SO much

no one knows anything but us - the only zukka fic i ever managed to finish, ANOTHER TRAVESTY. i have a wip graveyard and it’s embarrassing! but - i think the characterizations really hold up, and honestly, i kind of question whether i can ever write like this again. like this was just pure, undistilled happiness, and literally EVERYTHING i have written the past 3ish years is like slightly or completed melancholic. so yeah i miss this era of my writing, and i love zukka!!!!

love overgrown - the most recent fic i’ve posted, and super short! but i love love love writing talia Al ghul, spitefully bc the Men of dc do it so badly, and earnestly bc she is such an amazing character in my head and sometimes in canon WBDKSNSNSN.. there isn’t yet anything I would change about this fic, but I did in fact post it this month LMAO! ask me again in a year and I’m sure the answer will change. but im proud of lots of the lines still so.. 🕺🏻

[tankgotstuckinthecircusgate]

for the art ask thingy you reblogged, mayhaps 8, 12, and 17? (don't feel pressured to do them all)

ty for question! there will be a lot of text below bc i like to talk about my art or myself😭 i'm an egocentric😭

8. What do you like most about your own work? It's hard to say, because i criticize myself a lot or treat my art like idkkk things i have to do while i'm still alive?? like creating (anything) is literally the meaning of my life so my work to me it's kinda like a "vacuum the apartment" item in to-do list. you vacuum your apartment, delist it, and then forget about it forever but if to think a little deeper it's hmm i like the style in which i’m drawing rn, though i’m still not really happy with it. but this whole styling thing is super hard to me after years of academic art 💀 if im super tired my hands automatically draw something realistic and this really upsets me bc i don't want to draw realistic things :( i don't post many original art here, but i love the sense of freedom it have, that i’ve worked very hard for and still working on it! like replacing "how to do it acceptably?" with "how i want it, how i feel it and how to do it honest" in my mind. honesty and sincerity are the most important things in my life, work, people etc. there are many problems with this now because of the russian laws and autocracy, which has long been more like totalitarianism. i have a hard time saying and doing what i think, constantly having to go around/come up with metaphors/not putting something out there at all, even changing ideas and plots. it disgusts me, i hope i can emigrate in the next two years or so, freedom is a key value for me and ok if to be more abstract, i like the fact that I draw/etc for myself, i.e i create something that i lack in this world. every time it gives me a feeling of satisfaction (though it doesn't last long) that "there! at last I see what i wanted, what i craved to see". i.e actually i work from "i don't like what there's rn, i want to see it differently, I want to do it other way". as if the store didn't have clothes in your size and and you'd have to sew your own

12. Show your favourite drawing from this year

i realize that this question implies one drawing, but idc and will show several instead of just one :^) the first drawing that comes to mind is this! well it's not exactly a drawing ofc but still. it's one of 54 illustrations for the play "the shadow". i love this work very much (text here says "your country is like every country in the world" in different languages, and on the color block the phrase is "it's all so mixed up", it's quotes from the play)

and three more illustrations for the same play! best part of this year in terms of art is probably that i finally got into lettering. although it's not lettering in the classic sense here, like these lettering aren't meant to be readable, i just think the letters are very pretty:^)

and the last one. this fanart turned out to be very important for me! i drew it some time after my diploma and finally for the first time in a long time allowed myself to loosen up and not think about what others will think. thanks to this art i realized in which style i wanna work:^)

17. What inspires you?

almost anything tbh. movies, books, theater, songs, science, news, colors, clothes, people, whatever in personal projects, it's usually a reflection on current events/experiences talking to people and their stories inspire me a lot on a more simple level: music/songs. i believe that any visual composition is music (even Kandinsky wrote about it and he himself considered his abstract works as painted music). So rhythm, intonation in songs and other things inspire me af. i always make playlists for every big project im working. it's not even about the lyrics of the songs, it's about the vibe/mood they give. (i had an exhibition this summer with illustrations for "the shadow" and like i put a disco projector there and made a 6 hours playlist 😭 bc all the illustration were based on music (and i hate exhibition snobbery, pseudo-intellectualism, and in general when people consider themselves superior to others. i also think that looking at pictures without music is boring) aaaaand i'm also inspired by the words themselves? (you can notice in the pictures above, haha). sometimes by the meaning they carry, sometimes just by the way they look. and the letters inspire me bc that, again, is music to me. the rhythm, the plasticity, the contrast. i just love letters ahahh

thanks again for the question and hope it was interesting! have a good day/night/morning/etc ! 💞

[aspiring-artist-em]

get to know better tag

thank you @achilleslikespeas!! you're so so amazing omg- anyhoo

three ships: wolfstar, ineffable husbands (someone pls talk to me about good omens I literally can NOT rn), drarry

first ship: drarry, it’s a tried and true ship for me, ive been shipping it since I was like, a child  (literally flashback to me at like, 7 years old telling my mom that harry and Draco should get over each other and buy a castle and live together forever as a happy couple (parents were not happy that their daughter was saying this (they were homophobic( (im now gay and still shipping it so suck it, ig)))

last song: I would love to lie and say its something cool like “killer queen” or “lady stardust” bc I listen to those a lot, but once again, I would be lying and my actual last song that I listened to was “no hands (ft. Roscoe dash and wale)”, yk, the frat party song, I like to play it while writing angst

last movie: Harry Potter? idk what one, I like to put the tv on while I do stuff like budget money and write fanfic and draw, so honestly idk, it was probably the chamber of secrets, that and poa are my all time favs 

currently reading: ur mom LMAO (im so sorry) no, what im reading is smut, and also like, a good omens fic about Crowley’s fall (witness the fall) bc im trying to forget about season 2′s ending. im also reading away childish things (again) bc like, that's one of my fav drarry fics of all time. if we’re talking about marauders fics, it was probably her body is a temple down in the frozen food aisle  by achilleslikespeas, both for my emotional masochistic enjoyment and bc I wanted to draw a scene in the story (go read it now pls, its really good, Claude is really good a writing and im freaking out bc I wanna draw a scene from every single one of their fics I- like go-to horror dead dove fics for me I reccomend Claude and for smut I go to moonie), if we’re talking books books, Ive been reading yellowface and I am a cat which so far, are really really good, but also like, im really bad at reading so like, I haven't actually touched them in a week LMAO

currently watching: good omens, its playing on my tv in the background both because I love it and also because Neil said if u stream it enough amazon will see how valuable it is (with the strike and everything) and like, actually be willing to negotiate, essentially, help out the strike, go watch gay celestial beings 

last thing i wrote: 'Til Death Do Us Part, and Even Then, I'll Do My Best to Stay With You, its a dead dove fic centering around grief and denial, uh, 2 chapters in lol

currently writing: I have like, a million wips and no motivation to write rn so lets dive into them lol

1) chapter 3 of do death do us part, very sad, like, maybe 3 sentences in?

2) the next part of my lesbian wolf star series, its the one right before the trail one, so like, part 10 is gonna be another chapter centering more around Sirius’s memories and part 11 is gonna be the trial, I have like, 2 separate things ive written for it and I need to decide where I want it to go tbh

3) smut, gay wolf star, frat hazing blow or blow smut. sirius is on his knees and almost throws up but he doesn't and its lowkey like actually non con but its also frat hazing, like, idk how to explain the vibes but sirius is referred to as a dog and a filthy animal and degraded and he's sucking remus’s dick on coke and im like 2k words in and like, running out of ways to describe a cock lol (its also hard to bc like, I don't have a dick and my textbooks are no help sometimes) but he is also called the “pike puppy” and like, I think im smart for that and also its really filthy ngl, not a happy ending?

4) a short fluff fic to make up for the angst I put my readers through, im like 200 words in

5) au kinda thing, inspired by don't worry darling and like a TikTok that I saw (and now people are commenting on me commenting if I can write the idea and asking for the fic name and like, Im 500 words in? pls I need time), the idea is that Dumbledore has everyone under imperio or a potion to get them on his side to fight for him, lily’s pov, I really like it so far, uhh im like 500 words in I think?

so yeah, when I get inspiration im gonna write everything all at once lol, probably when my body isn't trying to kill me lmao or im at work

tagging: @spookymoonie @pinklume @wxlfstxrisbest @spindrifters @siriuslystargazing @siriusly-sapphic @green-lights-33

[ikigaitsuki]

hello! here’s a small update

i keep seeing new followers and interactions and anons so i thought id actually take a second to finally give some sort of “what’s been going on in gai’s world”

to start, i can’t remember the last time i even wrote. it’s been over a year, i know that. to still have regular interactions from followers old and new is very lovely - i appreciate it so much.

i know there’s things i’ve written here that people have been waiting forever practically for the second parts. i honestly didn’t think id ever come back to finish them.

a part of me wanted to disappear from here entirely and another part really appreciated this little space i’d created. there’s been a lot of my favourite mutuals slowly leaving this platform and it becomes very isolating when you’re funnelling out work and not maintaining these online relationships.

however, writing is something i want to get back into. it’s hard, because i’m really living an adult life now and the time i have is just not what i had when i first started this account. i can’t say “hey, i’ll write again in 3 days, months, years”, i have no time frame. im also not as into the whole kpop scene as i used to be, which makes inspiration pretty bleak for me. our interests fluctuate though i suppose!

if i ever wanted to give this up completely though, you’d know about it. there’d be some post like this where i’m saying goodbye or something lmao. that’s not happening.

i’m so entirely grateful for the people that continue to give me even the smallest feeling of “ok yes i can get back into this” because that’s so huge for me. id love to write again and make stories for the people who want to read what i have to say. im not sure if i sound dramatic but being able to give to you my creative outlet is just so massive. i’m giving you my creative mind, and that is so vulnerable. my work is always so well received, and people have such lovely things to say. thank you.

i’ve also had major indexing issues with this account. so posting has been hard because nobody actually sees it? i’m actually a major loser when it comes to technology and so messing around with coding and stuff just knocked the life out of me - another reason why i just gave up a little with writing. it’s not about having thousands of notes, but when you’re posting and nobody is going to see it apart from through reposting (which i assume people are still abysmal at) it’s just not motivating.

anyways, i’m not sure if this is something that people will read and feel happy over, but nonetheless i’m putting it out there. in not going awol, im in the process of discovering what i want to do going forward.

if you’re reading this, thank you, always. and don’t forget, you can message me, send me an anon, do whatever! i don’t bite. you might not see me active every day here but i pop by regularly.

- gai

[spookfished]

big media roundup (july edition)

hellooo again welcome to my media roundup, where i talk about things i read/watched/played this month! (…and by last month i mean AN ENTIRE MONTH AGO. WOOPS in my defense i got sick [better now]) in july i downloaded tachij2k, which im going to be shilling forever as the best way to read manga on android (apk on github here) this also means that ive been reading like, a Lot of manga lol so i split books + comics into two.

books:

vita nostra by Marina and Sergey Dyachenko: a metaphysics-ish novel about a girl who is blackmailed into going to a magic school. sort of a subversion where (unlike many magic school books) it basically is all about learning and stuff? im kind of a sucker for books written by married couples i think its really cute and also kind of fascinating... um i sort of disagree with its approach to pedagogy but its also sort of about the blood sweat and tears part of learning,, where i usually quit beforehand LOL. got that eastern european hopeless and drudgery (?) but idk i would definitely recommend

the great believers by rebecca makkai: historical fiction that swaps between an art curator-y guy living through the aids epidemic in chicago and his friend in the present who is trying to reunite w her estranged daughter. i really liked this!! super devastating obviously literally scooped me like a melon. very well researched! i hadnt really grasped like. the sheer terror and paranoia? that happened during the aids epidemic before..... thats my lack of contemp history knowledge but it was good i learned a lot. liked the theme of sort of surviving through tragedy and even after.. and the line drawn between the lost generation (war) and yales own exp (EDIT: found sth i wrote after reading the book which said "people are living their own intricate and mundane stories and then the stories of the world smash straight through them")

assassin of reality (vita nostra sequel): sasha knows what she will become--has embraced it, even. but theres always something that can be lost, and the institute still has a heavy hand over her.<or sth like that??? the reveals of the last book kind of make it a hard act to follow and the book definitely felt a lot more abstract... ik some people complained about the romantic subplots but i feel like it gives stakes and grounds everything else, yk? it gives you a thread to hold onto otherwise i mightve given up LMFAO that being said i did enjoy it :3 wondering if what happened to the authors will change the vibe of the next book... :(

you exist too much by zaina arafat: literary fiction about a bisexual palestinian american woman who struggles with her addiction to unattainable love, which has led her to cheat in several relationships. this book didnt really resonate with me.. um i actually ended up writing like 500 words of review for this but its pretty negative. so if youre interested check it out here https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/970847361775591466/1147613251933306921/image.png

movies/tv: room with a view: a young english girl travels to italy and finds love there--but has to choose between that love and a 'proper' life. ok this was fine. idk it was cute and funny sometimes but didnt leave that much of an impression sorry :T

past lives: two childhood friends reconnect, lose touch, then reconnect again. aughjjj those two silent minutes where they were waiting for her ride were so freaking agonizing. really good acting pretty film i just enjoyed it a lot in general! :3 i didnt like the boyfriend that much at first but the conversation they had in bed made them feel like a real relationship, you know? wish theyd had a 3some though maybe it will happen in past lives 2: paster life. idk its like most of the time we dont grow up to be who we thought wed be or do what we thought wed do... but is that really so bad? cant you still be happy? *clutches my head

nimona (movie): adaptation of the comic above! um this was fine i think i was a little disappointed bc the jokes felt a little overplayed/didnt really land? and i was mentally comparing it to the comic but then rereading i was like oh these jokes dont really hit for me either.. so who am i comparing this to LOL i think it would have meant a lot to me in middle school, so maybe it will mean something to middle schoolers now. also ppl fought really hard for it to be made so i feel like i need to give it more credit. my mutuals meta also made me appreciate it more :3 https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/687877902200471552/1126752893312184390/image.png barbie movie: not going to recap the barbie movie sorry. i actually watched this twice it was really fun :3 i wouldnt necessarily say it was a Cultural Milestone or anything but it was cute to see everyone dressed up for the movie.. plus i love velveteen rabbit type storylines. i think ken got the right amount of screentime (its not his movie!) but i loved his dance number and the battle scene :3 and the outfitss idk im not super caught up on the movie scene but it feels like there have been a lot of ugly movies recently. i enjoyed it

the rehearsal: a "reality" show about nathan fielder, who believes that any difficult situation can be rehearsed--and has the budget to put that belief into practice. ok like last year or sth everyone was like omg this show was sooo good but i didnt really get what it was about? but its actually really so interesting.. and the whole blurring between fiction and reality as well as the audience not really knowing which parts are staged and which parts are 'real' is so fun! i was a little bit disappointed when it diverged from the episodic format but that ended up paying off bigtime and was really like idk heartbreaking and funny and all of that. very recommend 👍

video games:

super mario odyssey: (replay)super fucking mario yay!!! in the long run, odyssey didnt have as much like. cultural staying power as botw did (they were both switch launch titles) but its still soooo imaginative and pretty and dense! i love platformers love 2 run and jump.

visual media: he was my brother: psych horror manga about a young girl who tries to grow closer to her recently-deceased brother's partner. omg i had so much fun with this the art is so atmospheric and delightfully creepy...REALLY mind the warnings though. i think i ended up reading all of it in one sitting lmfao

nimona comic (reread): classic villain ballister blackheart is looking for a competent sidekick, but what he gets is nimona, a shapeshifting weirdo kid with secrets. i remember trying to reread this and going wow.... is nimona not as good as i remember? am i old? but it was actually just like early webcomic weirdness nimona is still pretty good! yay :3 i still like the comic better but i respect how they are adapted to their respective mediums and also come from different phases in the og authors life

The story of how I came to know my favourite announcer has a side to her I would have never imagined: oneshot f/f w the premise in the title. whether i write down stuff like this is pretty hit or miss lol and i had to look this one up to rmbr what it was but the art is so cute...simple plot but i enjoyed it :3

crossplay love otaku x punk: romcom where two highschoolers fall in love with the other's crossdressing alter ego (m/m?). i really liked this one actuallyyy its so silly and im also a sucker for love square shenanigans. ok also now that someone else said they think hana/shuumei is endgame so im thinking about it. not the right perspective for this but the crossdressing isnt really overly fetishized or like seen as bad or anything? also ppl make some really funny faces in this

breathless momentum (vol 2+3): r two womanizing musicians find love... in each other!? this is also another one of my favorites :3 the leads are so fun and also music yay music! i really appreciate when a romance is still able to present an interesting story even after the couple has gotten together..

damekoi r: sequel to "please love this useless me," (damekoi is like.. useless passion? i think) which is about a woman in her 30s who spends all her money on her college boyfriend and goes into debt and falls in with her shitty former boss. omg it was soooo cute like i already said its a romance set after the main couple has already gotten together. which is my favorite. but these guys are really fucking weird so they still have a lot of problems. having Another Man who fits michikos type and isnt totally evil come in to destabilize shibata and kurosawas relationship doesnt feel cheap bc their relationship is already not very stable? lol i think the first one is worth checking out if you love pathetic women

mr villains day off: a gag manga about an alien supervillain on his days off. ok this one is pretty much just centered around this fluffy guy who likes to look at pandas but its extremely not very deep but its very cute... i like it... i also like pandas

how do we relationship/so do you want to go out, or (reread): f/f slice of life/drama manga about a girls first lesbian relationship in college. ok this is like "the" yuri manga for me i would recommend it to any fans of femslash its like sort of very realistic feeling? in the way that a relationship can sort of degrade slowly through lack of communication and being different people i think its really great 👍

ichinose familys seven deadly sins: psychological drama. an entire family wakes up with amnesia from a car crash. they dont remember themselves or each other, but pledge to stay together and relearn how to be a family and try to find their memories again. but is it really worth digging up the past...? man this one really goes off the rails. but like in a fun way? has an interesting arc going on rn about like... what allowances do we give, what are we willing to forgive in a stranger vs a family member. pretty interesting!

oshi no ko (catchup): psych thriller about the twin children of a famous idol trying to deal with the legacy she leaves behind. ive been talking about this manga for a while to my friends lol its kind of like riverdale in that its sort of very good, sort of very bad--but overall just super engrossing! which makes sense in a way bc its about the entertainment industry but also about the relationship between an idol and their fan... um not so sure about recent developments though lol. a little bit scared to see where things go

blue period (catchup): a delinquent boy used to going with the flow decides to go to the top art school in japan. yeah blue period is really good. hope this helps 👍lets all never go to art school ever ok ^_^

still sick: f/f about an office lady who finds out her coworker writes and sells yuri doujins (like illustrated fanfiction?) on the side. its a classic! was nice to finally get around to finishing it :3

liar satsuki can see death: thriller about a girl who can see peoples deaths and tries to prevent them--except everyone thinks shes just a liar. ok this is notable bc it has the exact same like adventures and gaybait as shounen but its all girls instead. its good light entertainment! sometimes is um kind of horny for sth about high school girls so ymmv on that one

farming for love: m/m romance about a pharmacist who moves to the country after a bad breakup and meets a ~strong but silent farmer~. pretty average, but fun if youre into that kind of thing! not sure if i would really recommend it lol

chainsaw man 2: set after the events of chainsaw man proper, its an action shounen focusing on asa mitaka, a girl who kinda sucks :3 chainsaw man is so fun yayyy im happy to be reading it again excited to get hit by some more bricks! asa is a wonderful protagonist and fujimoto continues to write comitragedy (?) in a way thats kinda obscene but also very cool 👍rip single father denji

skip and loafer (comic): slice of life about an ambitious but awkward girl who comes from the country to start her high school life in tokyo!!!! and some guy i guess. omg ok this is like the slice of life manga for me rn (the anime is really good! finished recently check it out) its just really warm and nice. autistic girls win always lol truly a comic that makes you feel like there is love in the world

no home: webtoon drama about two guys who are trapped together in a haunted dorm. ok this comic makes me really depressed but its also about people who make each other better despite their best efforts. and also violence and hatred its really really good 👍sad about recent updates though.. i guess maybe the characters werent really meant to be friends in the long term

this took me like two weeks to write and now im in a different state LOL so um if you got to the end...thanks for reading!