#im almost done with my friends fic tho

[camels-pen]

@sanusoweek Day 6 - Gods and Demons

Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 5

[kaguya-muneuji]

dammit i need to sleep

[honeyatsu]

Loner 4 (Junpei x Reader)

PREV | Masterlist

TW: mention of suicide

a/n:

Hiiii ~ T_T it's been so long since i've written lol! I am sorry if its not good....im kinda rusty! I found this draft after trying to fix my laptop and going thru my things....I figured why not finish it!!! :D I loved working on this fic even tho the only thing done is the outline/draft...i missed writing so im just getting back into a hobby I once loved again ((: I am sooo sorry if my writing style is no longer enjoyable lol but only way to get better after a too long break is to keep writing :D !!!

You decide to take matters into your own hands when Junpei doesn’t return to school the next two weeks – literally.

If the empty desk next to you and continuous lonely lunches weren’t offensive enough, he had the audacity to not even open your texts anymore. Leaving your texts on delivered as opposed to the checked read notification you would often see desperately checking your phone at the end of the day, along with sending your calls straight to voicemail. Sometimes you think you would feel less offended if he just blocked you.

So, you generously speak to your school advisor, showing concern in your friends’ absence and inevitable fate of falling behind – you offer to take his missing work to him and help him catch up, not a complete lie. You weren’t one to be ghosted— ever. A shot to your ego mixed with a concern of your best friend, you decided if he was going to ignore you, you would just go to him. Even if it meant getting his address through the school, no matter how creepy it sounded, whatever context you would put it in.

“Are you taking those to Junpei?” you turn to see your underclassman and teammate, Ino, staring at you with her large doe hazel-eyes, her naturally flushed cheeks spreading from one corner of her face to another.

Cute, Ino was cute. You offer her a simple nod, the white pages your fingers were buried under slightly slipping from your grip, Ino catching it, leaning it towards you again before they could fall. “Do you want me to come and help?” Her tone was sincere and kind, you could say her voice was almost as angelic as her face.

Your stomach churned, body becoming stiff as she stood in front of you, batting her doe-eyes at you with a smile. She annoyed you.

“It’s fine. Gotta go.” You mutter, gripping onto the folders and sheets tightly, speeding your way past her.

It’s lively here, the area you need to walk through in order to get to his home. There are students, chatting, taking up the streets and shops as they lounge around after school. When you walked passed Tatsu Ramen, you tried to not let the bitterness linger around, seeing familiar (yet not so friendly) faces eating there. You flick your tongue against your teeth, wondering if Junpei decided to finally stop ignoring you, where would you two go now. You try to avoid them, quickly shuffling past them, using the stack to cover your face.

The walk wasn’t a short one, nor a long one. It was far enough to make your ankles ache, holding onto the heavy workload – you weren’t sure if you felt bad for the missing work he was going to have to do, or the scolding you were mentally rehearsing to give him.

Either way, it was a headache he deserved, you thought.

The lecture that wasn’t ready was going to have to come sooner rather than later, as you spot him walking toward his home, his clothes baggy and even from the distance you were at, he was more relaxed than you’ve seen him ever be at school. You were at the top of a small street-hill that came before his house, the slope only aiding your speed as you ran towards him, shouting his name, gripping the folder and paperwork that were fighting to slip through your hands.

The closer you get to him, the sloppier your moves are, your nerves reaching all the way to the tip of your toes, the crack on the street not helping as you trip over it. Junpei’s arms reaches out, stopping you from falling into his chest with both hands placed on your shoulder. You stare him in the eye, chest heaving and breath loud and messy, you don’t care that you’re practically blowing your breath into his face. Seeing him felt like seeing a ghost — but seeing his wide eyes turn into a small scowl felt like seeing a ghost who just punched you in the chest.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, his eyes squinting as he observed the piles of work placed on your hand. He scoffs at the sight.

“You’re not in the right to ask questions! Do you even know how a phone works?” you huff out, trying to catch your breath and put your adrenaline at ease.

A look of shame left as quickly as it came as he let go of you giving you a slight shove, his lips pouting as he faced the opposite direction of your face, “Don’t tell me you’re here because you’re worried about my coursework.”

“Well, for us to graduate together, you kind of need to pass. I just thought I’d do you a favor.” Your lower your arms to remove the work that was covering half of your face, displaying your frown even though he was refusing to look at you. You take a deep breath as you contemplate your next sentence. “Plus, I was wo –”

“Us? There is no us,” You were interrupted anyways.

Your mouth opens but no words come out, Junpei finally turns to you. Looking into your eyes, challenging you, just daring you to say something next. You feel the heat of embarrassment rise to your cheeks – or maybe it’s anger, you weren’t exactly sure how you felt at the moment. At the sight of someone who was supposed to be your best friend staring at you with such disgust, almost as if he regretted getting to know you at all.

“You’re all the same.” He started out. His eyes never left yours. “Did you know we’ve gone to the same school for years? By chance you finally noticed me, and because you were too afraid to sit in the front. You think that makes us friends?” His dark gaze was going right through you, burning. The tension couldn’t be cut with a knife as he tried reading you, scanning you for any reaction.

You give him one, taking a slight step back, mouth thinned. You’re still holding on to the stack of papers, crumpling them between your fingers. He waits for you to reply, but you don’t.

“That’s not what bothers me. Your friends, they’ve been picking on me for years. How are you just now noticing? What – because you think we’re friends you finally think I’m worthy of being saved?” He gives a dry, coarse laugh. “You’re no different from the rest. You think you are, because you became friends with poor Junpei, right? You finally decide not to turn a blind eye, barley. The same way everyone else pretends to not notice, you did too! You let them get away with it. It’s not just me that gets picked on! And unless they’re your friends, unless they’re worthy of kindness, you just let them! Everyone does! Teachers, other students, you!”

You don’t dare to speak; you simply shove the assignments to his arms. You don’t look up, you don’t want him to see your lips quiver at his words – you don’t want him to see you fighting to keep your eyes dry, fighting to tune him out. Your attempts fail you, feeling your own wet lashes against your cheek, a single, suppressed tear managing to escape.

“I never needed you. I never needed your pity, I never needed you to save me!”

Of course, he’s mad at you. You don’t know what you did, but you figure that you abandoning him when there was something clearly wrong the other day had something to do with it. You knew something was wrong, yet you still left. And you feel guilty, so guilty for being such a bad friend, just like he says. You feel guilty, thinking that you could just march to him when you’re the one who is in the wrong. You weren’t a good friend, and Junpei knew his worth. You were convinced you were in the right, that it was okay for you to be mad at your friend for abandoning you, but you abandoned him first. You’re ready to turn your heel, turn back and leave him alone for good, and you almost do.

Almost.

“What’s going on here?” A strong voice asked from behind you. You turned your head to be met with a tall slender woman, short black hair, and holding a cigarette in her left hand.

His tone changes, along with his facial expression. His eyebrow twitches when he realizes who has arrived (at the worst possible time, for him); It did not take you necessarily long to realize who she was, her and Junpei practically sharing the same face. If you weren’t so hurt and angry, you could imagine how humiliated you would feel. Weeks of begging Junpei to let you come over, introduce you to his family — and here you are, face to face with the woman who brought your favorite person into this world (even if he was being an ass right now); snotty nosed, eyes glossy, and an ugly tight facial expression because no, you didn’t want him to see you cry.

“She’s bringing my missing work, just a classmate–”

You cut him off, introducing yourself by giving your name, “I’m his best friend.” you snuck in, bowing to his mother while grabbing a work folder, pointing to it. “I brought his classwork. And being honest, I was concerned. I wanted to see for myself that he was okay.” Considering the fact that he seemed to forget how to use his phone and turned into an asshole, you thought to yourself, but you knew to leave that thought to yourself, not wanting to push any of his mother’s buttons, determined to make a good first impression.

“The ramen girl?”

Your eyebrow twitches, turning to Junpei. It almost shocks you, how after his speech of how cruel he tried to make you out to be, this is what offends you. “Your mother knows me as…. the ramen girl?” Junpei stares at you in disinterest and shrugs.

“It’s not often I get to meet a friend, let alone a best friend.” She grins in amusement, “Do you wanna come in and help him catch up with work?”

“Mom, not necessary.” Junpei mutters quietly.

“It wouldn’t be a problem at all!” You chirped in response, grinning from ear to ear as you follow them into their home, ignoring Junpei’s face twisted in irritation.

Their home is welcoming, fit for a small family of two. His mother (you find out her name is Nagi), goes straight to her fridge, taking out a bottle of beer while settling on her counter.

“I appreciate you doing this for him. I understand school isn’t for everyone and honestly, it isn’t as big as you kids make it seem. “ She takes a sip of her beer before continuing, “but I would be lying if I said I didn’t appreciate this. Or you. I’m just glad I finally got to meet the girl who’s worked wonders you’re not even aware of.”

The praise makes you flush — your body heating up. You swiftly look towards Junpei’s direction, seeing his face tinted red, from his cheeks to the tip of his ears. He was avoiding his mothers gaze along with yours, looking to the side and pouting, arms crossed. He looked like an angry toddler, and you would laugh, normally — if you didn’t feel he hated you at this moment.

“ — Oh, I’m sorry, am I keeping you guys waiting?” His mother replies with a grin, “You’re free to go on, help your best friend catch up on his work!” She takes both of you, leading your way to his bedroom with her palm on both backs, lightly shoving you through the door.

Junpei is standing beside you, sheepishly, his guilt showering his face as he sees you softly close the door behind you and fist your palms as a way to calm yourself down. You’re nervous, and you can tell he is too, the blush never leaving his face. And as awkward and unpredictable this current situation is (meeting his mom in the middle of a fight and having her throw you into his bedroom, awkward is an understatement), you still know there are things you need to talk about. You slowly take a few steps towards him, each step causing you to take a deep breath before you trap him in a tight hug.

“I should’ve been a better friend.” You mutter into his chest. Still holding onto him, you look up at him and nearly laugh at his surprised expression. “Please don’t think you don’t matter to me. Or that I feel bad for you. I mean – ouch – because of how you judge my character. You are my friend. I care about you, a lot. And I’m sorry for making you feel otherwise.”

The gold locket you usually kept hidden in your shirt was brought out, it felt so delicate in between your fingers, but the feelings and memories with what was inside laid heavy in your heart. You took one last, slow, deep breath before you opened the heart-chapped locket, revealing the photo of your deceased father. “He was bullied at work. My dad. They treated him horribly, told him he wasn’t worthy of being man of the house, or something like that.”

Don’t cry, You try to tell yourself, don’t cry.

“Well, one day it all got to him. And he decided it was easier to leave me and my mom, than to ‘burden us with his pathetic excuse of a husband and father’. At least that’s what he said in the letter. If he asked me, I would’ve said he was great.”

You sigh, closing up the locket and placing it back into your shirt, “I should’ve paid more attention, you’re right. No one wants to believe people are bad, or people with hearts can be capable of being so cruel. I always thought people were just people when my dad died. When I read his note, it was so sad. Life seemed so dimmed in his perspective. I guess I didn’t want to experience my life like that, I became ignorant to those around me, especially my shitty friends. I was around bullies and was too dumb to even see it.”

Your arms quickly found their way around his waist, bringing your head to his chest and looking up at him, the small tears that still haven’t fallen glistening in between your eyelashes. “What I’m trying to say with all of this is, I’m sorry. I understand what they do is fucked up, and I’m sorry for just staying silent. My ignorance isn’t an excuse, it was never okay. I won’t let anyone hurt you. And I’m not enabling those friendships any longer. You’re my friend Junpei, I care about you.”

Junpei wraps his arms around you, pressing his body tightly against yours. He would’ve never guessed you felt as bad as you did — he would have never imagined you having to go through something so tragic, yet remained so strong, so willing, so vulnerable to the world around you.

It’s silent, the forgiveness that’s communicated between the two of you. After the embrace you look up at him, your eyes still glistening but your smile turns into a small curve, your teeth slightly showing before you start giggling, hitting his chest. He follows you after — laughing at how vulnerable and serious you two were with one another, and he’s happy, because this is new. He hasn’t experienced a true friendship, a falling out, or making up after, being vulnerable.

The next few hours are peaceful as you two sit sprawled out on his bed with the textbooks and folders with weeks worth of school work. You promised to help catch him up as long as he promised to stop skipping class and ignoring you, especially during times he needs people most.

Junpei spends five minutes staring at a problem, not quite understanding what he was supposed to do. He calls your name for help, but you don’t respond. “I really need help right now,” he states, bringing his attention to you, lifting his eyes to meet yours; His eyes softened at the view in front of him, the world around you became a blur — you being the focus point, the soft beating his heart slowly becoming rapid, his body becoming flushed seeing you laid across his bed, your mouth agape and slight drool dripping from the side. He stares and thinks to himself, he’s always thought you were pretty, but this would have to be the prettiest he’s seen you.

He slowly lifts himself off the bed, tip-toeing around to make sure he doesn’t make the slightest noise while going to your side, being sure to not wake you from your sleep.

Junpei takes your leg that was hanging from the edge and takes the piles of work spread across his bed and neatly places them onto his desk, sitting beside your sleeping figure and taking his blanket, covering your body. He then lays beside you, on top of the covers so there is a barrier between the two of you. His eyes trace the shape of your body, looking at the little details and appreciating every blemish, every texture, every line on your face. Without even realizing he brought his face closer to yours, in awe at how at peace you look laying beside him after all he’s put you through.

He takes a moment, taking in a deep breath as he decides to swallow his pride, whispering an apology.

And to his surprise, he hears you accept his apology faintly, right before your quiet snores echo around the room. He smiles at the sight, laying down besides you

As you two fell asleep with one beside one another, close but not close enough, his mother barged in, holding a tray of tea, about to offer some until she noticed the sight before her.

She then smiled to herself, wanting to wake you guys up, or just take a picture to tease you two with it later. She decides to let you two have this moment, because something tells her there would be more to come.

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

When winter comes, it comes quietly — the snow falling sneaking up on the world, the same way your feelings for Junpei seemed to. You don’t exactly remember when his presence alone would have your heart beating out of your chest, you don’t remember when you would feel heat rise in your face when he would give you a simple compliment, but it made you uneasy — and confused. Because he was your friend, later on you realized that these physical setbacks weren’t supposed to happen around your friend.

Your friendship with Junpei slowly got better, it was like starting from square one, but he got comfortable fast — you’d say things were getting to how they once were, but you’d argue that they were better. Junpei smiled more, he laughed more, he even got bold and would initiate physical contact with you. It should make you happy, that he has become more open, more willing to shed his light not only to you, but others as well. He developed a better friendship with his club members, he even started to acknowledge people that even shocked you, and it should make you happy.

It should.

One moment you’re urging Junpei to smile more. He’s president of a club filled with classmates with the same interests as him, you jokingly tell him if he can handle being your friend he should have no problem making more. One moment you’re skipping down the halls, holding a bag with a surprise for him – a gift, there was no special event coming up, but you saw the item and thought of him. One moment you’re excited to start off his day with one of his warm laughs, and wide smile you’ve come to adore – and now, you’re trying to be still as your legs wobble, witnessing something that makes your stomach turn in discomfort.

Junpei is laughing – an honest, joyful, (almost too joyful) laugh. The gift bag almost drops to the ground, but you gripped it tightly as it nearly slipped out of your palms, your jaw suddenly tensed up, and you feel like even blinking would be impossible. His eyes are practically glistening as he looks down at the pink hair, doe-eyed girl you knew all too well. She looks up at him, reaching towards his upper left arm, grabbing it after giggling something you couldn’t make out to him. Junpei doesn’t flinch, in fact, he doesn’t react at all. He accepts her physical touch as if it was the most natural thing to him, and something in you bursts. It was as if a fire was casted in your chest, as if the devil himself pushed you far enough to run into Junpei’s back, nearly pushing him further into Ino if you weren’t able to catch the back of his school shirt before he got a chance to fall.

Before you realize what you’ve done, you feel Ino’s large eyes on you, a curious look on her face quickly switching to her sweet smile that has the rest of the school on the palm of her hands, and Junpei looking back at you curiously. You remove your hand from his shirt, slowly bringing it to your side, you lower your gaze to the floor, gripping your gift, wishing to any god out there to have you disappear from the scene itself.

“We have things to go over, Junpei.” You try to state as calmly as possible, but it comes out bitter, a shaky voice followed by a nervous hand reaching for his wrist, not waiting for a response before you attempt to drag him to the opposite direction of Ino.

You peak over his shoulder when he doesn’t move, seeing Ino hold onto his other wrist, keeping him in place. You try to imagine how this looks to the classmates around you, Junpei in between of two classmates, both pulling him into the opposite direction. You try to imagine the amount of self control it would take to not grab one of the most popular first years by the head and drag her down the hall without it becoming a big scandal.

Your breath hitches as Ino looks you in the eye, her smile never faulting. You watch her with a blank stare, your eyes staring at her hand gripping his wrist until she drops it. When you look up she looks back at you innoccently, as if she didn’t just send you into an internal war with her. “I asked Junpei to the Lantern festival.” Ino announces, clear and to the point, her eyes staring directly into yours.

“Just…just the two of you?” You blink back, letting go of the grip you have on him. Your gaze switched from staring directly at her to Junpei, “Did you say yes?”

“No!” Ino laughs out, and it pains you to admit how melodic it was, how you get why Junpei is so comfortable with someone he barely knows. “Chifuyu and Hori are coming. I didn’t want to be the only girl, so I asked Junpei to come along with you. You know them right? They’re in your art classes.”

“I’d like to go.” Junpei states softly. You try not to glare at him, huffing to yourself as you mutter back “whatever.” You pull Junpei rougher, which leads Ino to let go as you drag him into the empty art club room.

The room is silent for the first few minutes. The sound of you ruffling through your bag to get things out and place them onto the desk is the only thing that echoes through the room. The two of you avoid eyecontact with one another – Junpei looking at anywhere but you while playing with his hands, you take out pictures you’ve printed, sprawling them across the desk, neatly lining them up to one another.

A majority of them were selfies of the two of you. If the air around the two of you wasn’t as heavy due to the last encounter, you probably would’ve smiled – chuckled, even. These photos were the visual documenting of the friendship the two of you shared, a visual timeline of seeing his comfortablility with you. From looking awkwardly at the camera (you were lucky if you even got a smile), to some blurry pictures of him shying away, they blossomed into him

“You know,” you started off, pretending to look into the pictures as if you were inspecting them, “When I said you should show the more open side of you more often….I didn’t think you’d do it so easily. Especially with other girls.” You try to sound nonchalant. You try to make it sound like a friend teasing another one.

“I – I just,”

“It’s not a problem. It’s just crazy. Lookin’ at these pictures, y’know? How long it took you to get comfortable with me but you talk to Ino as if you’ve known her for years.” You don’t know what you’re implying or why you’re implying anything at all – Junpei is just your friend and it’s not not fair to act like you own him, that you’re the only girl in the world he should be laughing with.

It shouldn’t bother you that he’s getting more social thanks to his friendship with you. This should be a happy moment. But you can’t help the way the memory of him laughing so easily with her causes your skin to burn, or the heavy fall you felt in your chest when you saw Ino’s hand touch him. The red flush that spread around his face didn’t make it better either.

“I feel like I should say sorry.” Junpei admits, “But I don’t know why I’m apologizing.”

“You don’t need to.” You mumble to yourself, still refusing to look up at him. You sigh as you’re shuffling through the pictures, none of them working for you. The selfies themselves were nice, two friends just savoring memories with one another. Staring at them all heeds the realization that these pictures were nothing but mere proof of your friendship with one another, the word friends sitting grudgingly in your mind. “None of these are good enough.”

You feel Junpei tower over you, his eyes similarly scanning the photos you’ve laid out. He brings his arm out, it hovers over you, lighty grazing your shoulder as he grabs a photo that’s caught his eye. Your breath hitches when his chest presses up against your back due to the movement – your body freezing, this physical contact alone having your breath to become uneasy, using every ounce of your strength to not lose the balance onto your legs. Hesitantly, you turn your head to look up at him, his dark eyes glistening, staring at what he’s just picked up with nothing less than stars in his eyes. He brings the picture closer to him, unintentionally wrapping his arm around you, pulling you closer to him.

Your eyes shift towards the picture he’s holding. It's one of the first ones where he actually felt comfortable enough to look into the camera and smile, his arm wrapped around yours and a peace sign being held up to the side of your face. Your gaze landing on him once again, you tell yourself not to overthink the small grin spread on his face, the red tint that’s just barely making itself visible to you. If you weren’t in such close proximity to him, truthfully, you wouldn’t have even noticed.

“Can I keep this one?” Junpei barely whispers to you. He looks down at you for approval, eyes widening at how close your face has gotten to his. He looks down, noticing it was him who has pressed himself to you, and quickly looks back up into your eyes – face growing redder the more you two look into each other's eyes. You imagine the two of you share the same expression, a mix of being flustered and afraid. His arm wrapped around you stays frozen, afriad that moving would bring you closer or bring your bodies farther from one another. Junpei was unsure which one made him the most uneasy between the two.

Neither of you are sure who brought their face closer to the other, his nose touching yours being the only indication that the two of you were even moving. The quiet room wasn’t silent enough, the beating in your chest too loud for your comfort, convinced that Junpei could hear the way he was making your heart jump. Attempting to break the ice, you open your mouth, closing it just as quickly when you see Junpei scanning your face, his eyes landing on your lips. He tenses up, watching the way it closes and seeing your lips subtly pout.

Seeing Junpei watch you with so much want, feeling his chest rise and fall unevenly on your back, this whole situation became overwhelming for you. Here you stand, a few moments ago trying to rid yourself of the jealousy that was clouding your mind, to now find yourself trapped against him. As close as you two are, it still doesn’t feel close enough. You slightly look away, overwhelmed. Noticing in the corner of your eye the gold sparkly bag making itself noticeable to you on the tabl besides the one with all the pictures.

Whether you were even looking for an escape from the situation or not, you took it, quickly removing yourself from Junpei’s hold. Your cheeks heat up as you shuffle yourself away from him, quickly turning and grabbing the gift back. A deep breath escapes your lips as you turn to him, ignoring the look of rejection spread across his face. You chuckle awkwardly, lifting your arms straight and pushing the bag into his chest.

“I got you something.” You announce too quickly, the sentence almost sounding like one word mushed together. Junpei blinks as he stares at the bag, hesitantly grabbing it and removing it from your hold. Whatever confusing feeling he had left for the time being as he opens it, pulling out the movie Killer Klowns From Outter Space disk.

“I thought you hated this movie.”

“I do. That’s why I’m giving it to you. You can keep it, you said it was hard to find a copy. My mom was gonna toss it anyway.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. It was my dads. I would rather give it to someone who matters to me just as much than just throw it out.”

Junpei smiles, a soft “Thank you” leaving his lips while he pulls you in for a hug. You can’t move for a moment – nor speak. Just leaving one awkward situation where your bodies were almost too close for comfort right into another one. You slowly wrap both your arms around him, feeling his grip on you tighten.

While it no longer feels awkward, to deny you felt anything other than your stomach doing flips and feeling so at ease in his grip all at once would be a lie.

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[evelili]

As an immigrant child, your new fic had resonated with me. It made me tear up eating dinner with my family.

When Saffron said, “This selfish desperation to know that I haven’t lost my connection to my home." It instantly took me back to being constantly teased by my friends for not being 'in tuned' with my culture like how they were, or how I desperately tried speaking in my native tongue with my parents, despite having a very clear american accent and them constantly assuring me that speaking in english is fine. My grandmother had passed earlier this year, she was the grandparent that I knew the least. I started asking about her from her sisters as my mother isn't in the state to answer anything, I've tried so hard to pick up the pieces of what her sisters have told me to construct an image of her personality. She used to constantly ask me to call her so when I read about Saffron talking about how video calls have were never the same and never enough, it hit me like a load of bricks.

Your fanfiction is so tremendously beautiful in describing the feelings I have felt all my life. How I know that where I am right now isnt home, but my actual home has been so unfamiliar after my grandmothers passing. I have constantly felt like I have disappointed her, so when Sunset confessed to the same thing, I couldn't hold my emotions in anymore. The ending with Saffron talking about how she would be waiting for Sunset to come home if she was her mother made hope that was true with me and my grandmother, if I were to ever reunite with her again when I pass away myself.

Thank you so much for writing this story. It was the most comfortable yet intense stories I have ever had the blessing to read. I am sorry for rambling and I hope this entire message makes some sort of sense? I hope whatever you're dealing with gets solved to the way you have hoped it would.

You have also made me see dal in a new light, it was never a food that I used to like, but I am willing to give it another shot lol

i looked at this ask earlier and had to take some time to process how to respond to this. i think tho i still dont really know how to, so i hope thats ok!

first of all, thank you so much for being comfortable enough to tell me ur story. it really means a lot that you would open up to me, a stranger, and the fact that you did so bc something i made had an impact on u quite actually moved me to tears. im a bit of a soggy mess rn lol. thank you again, truly.

second, i want to express my empathy for you and your situation with your grandmother. my grandad passed away before i could graduate, and it was during the height of lockdowns, so i hadnt seen him in a while. i didnt go to visit him in the hospital, so theres always this feeling of "what if i had called more? what if i had tried harder to visit? what if i spent more time with him?" that doesnt really go away. and, as a kid of 2 immigrant families, i can also really empathize with feeling a disconnect from your culture--when ur not surrounded by ur parents culture but u also visibly dont look like ur "from" the one u were raised in, it can feel really alienating, even though you havent done anything except just. exist in this sort of inbetween?

all of this i guess is to say that, i put a lot of my own experiences into this fic. and it's almost relieving in a way to know that u saw what i put there, and that this experience is something that other people have felt as well. thank you so very much again for reading ;v;

[s-4pphics]

i NEED to see a street racer ellie x grid girl reader fic IM ON MY KNEES FOR THIS🙏🏾🙏🏾

OHHHHHHHHHHH WEVE DONE IT AGAIN IMPULSIVE HCS

wc;cw: 800 or sum, streetracer!ellie, gridgirl!oc, ellie being a car nerd and hot, mentions of sex MDNI, mentions of ciggies and illegal shit

streetracer!ellie…… passes out 

she always loved cars :3 her dad owned a mechanic shop and used to watch him repair all the damaged cars that showed up

when she was thirteen he finally let her help him replace the tires 

and then change the oil

and then fix the ignition 

eventually taught her how to drive stick😝😝

and 2 years later she knew the anatomy of vehicles like the back of her hand 

she was on her dads payroll 💯💯 shout out to mechanic!ellie😞

when she found out ab street racing she got obsessed with it. 2 fast 2 furious is her favorite movie of all time

her youtube history was wild😞😞 30 hours of devon aoki edits saved 

so when she got invited to a race by one of her friends when she was a junior for her birthday she almost passed out 

the screech of the tires on the pavement and smell of gas gave her heart eyes

she swore she was going to participate in a race after they both left that night

SIKE she thought everyone laughed at her when she showed up the next day in her dads beaten up family van LMFAO 

the bullying was devious fr😞 she cried a little when she got home

but ofc her friend helped her ass out and high jacked his brothers old nissan

the overseers allowed her to participate but nobody bet on her except her 2 friends. that $20 pitch didn’t help her confidence much but she loved them😞

she was nervous and filled with adrenaline and tried so hard not to gawk at the hot girls that waved their grids around 

when they waved their flags and signaled for the racers to go….

ellie was out that bitch fr😞😞 SKKRTED ON THEY ASS BIG PURRR

VVRRRROOOOOOOM LIKE BFRRR

she hit every sharp turn every curve every bump like it wasn’t shit 

she made everybody eat they words that night. HAPPY BIRTHDAY QUEENIE😝😝

some overseers gave her $300 outta pocket that night and she wasn’t even on the list to race 

her and her friends went every weekend. would leave campus and go straight to the tracks fr

she started getting a little fan base after a month of racing😞😞 girlies from school would come just to see her 

but she didn’t pay them any mind💯💯 she payed them a little mind 

n 5 years later…. most betted on racer in the city YUHHHH 

she makes racks every weekend… and she brings it all home to her dad so she can take care of him 🥺🥺

he doesn’t question where she gets the cash from but he always feels nervous when she leaves the house🥺🥺 poor old man he just wants his baby to go to college

she owns one mclaren senna but never takes it anywhere😞😞 it just sits in her garage lol she paid for that shit in cash tho big bags big stacks

drives a fucked up supra when she races😂😂 she tries to cover up the scratches and large dents with cute little spray paint jobs of fire and sparkles and shit😂😂

she named it renee and slaps the trunk like she slaps ass every time she gets behind the wheel :3 thinks it’s good luck

smokes cigarettes mmmm fuuuck

such an aggressive racer like omgg she gets so competitive and pissed she's so hot

tatted to hell. full sleeve

TERRIBLE RECORD!!!!! arrested twice and was on parole :/

but at least all the grid girls got a little crush on her 😳😳 titties out ass out bc they want her attention 

all the male racers hate her bc of it… she don’t care tho suck her dick💯💯

she’ll never say it but…

she definitely stares too long at one grid girl whenever she shows up in her little croppies and booty shorts😞 she’s fine as hell ITS NOT HER FAULT💯💯

too bad gridgirl!oc doesn’t pay ellie any mind anymore :((she had the prettiest smile and such good pussy 

that ooey-gooey. that sloppy. THE WORLD'S BEST CREAMER💯

did i mention they're ex's? YEAAAH CLOCK THAT TEA

every time ellie fills up her tank she can’t stop thinking about the time she bent her ex over the trunk and railed her from the back 

she may never feel that pussy again 😞😞 it makes her wanna cry 

when she met gridgirl!oc for the first time two years ago her world changed for the better

her zits disappeared, her hair got softer, her crops were watered

they fell in love immediately…. like instantly 

they were inseparable. up each other's ass. in each other's cars. in each other's guts. so so happy 

until they weren’t 

their breakup was soooo fucking messy. 

cheating accusations. screaming contests. EVEN A PREGNANCY SCARE???😳😳😳

a hot mess. and their relationship ended in flames :(

but that doesn’t mean ellie can’t peep every once in a while😛😛 that ass is still fat as fuck regardless of the beef >:)

[sukunasweetheart]

Headcanons for sukuna as a volleyball player - idk if i wanted this to be set during highschool or not so i guess it'll be kinda generic or all over the place haha,, dedicated to @luvkun4 my love, who likes haikyuu and sukuna so its a perfect combo for her

warnings; NSFW, throat fucking, rough and angry sex, degradation, femme reader, youre kinda his pocket pu$$y but also his sweet gf, minor angst but with happy end -- this wouldve been a good fic but i dont have the energy for a fully written fic nowadays, im alr working on a billion rn

edit; THIS ENDED UP BEING SO LENGTHYY sorry, i wanted to add in the drama

right.. idk from where i should unpack this

we all know... sukuna would be competitive as fuck.

i know for a fact that he hates losing so much

which is what makes him such a good player tbh, the balls not gonna touch the ground as long as hes around

he’s a wing spiker, and definitely the ace (cough, totally not inspired by this gorgeous fanart)

hes so mean and arrogant but is willing to demonstrate teamwork in order to win and so theres obvious respect between him and his teammates

uraume is the manager, tho its clear that they favour sukuna the most pff

sukunas such a powerful player, no one can beat him one on one and hes so sexy when hes playing seriously

volleyball sukuna and his fuckin horse cock, u bet u wanna get wrecked by his shii

problem is, i cant find a creative way of how yall first met 

idk, probably through mutual friends, out in a big group at a restaurant ?? maybe you hooked up with him afterwards and you both caught feelings for each other

yeah something along those lines

anyway ofc seggs after matches are a regular thing haha

its almost an expectation that you come to see his games now

here comes the smut smut smut

vb sukuna would totally drag you into the unisex bathrooms so you can “help him relax” right before the game starts...

nothing like cumming down your throat to get him all warmed up

and youre such a whore for him, you can never say no bc YOU DONT WANT TOOO <3

even tho you make a fuss about the icky floor pfft, he grunts and lays a bunch of toilet paper for u to kneel on, what a gentleman

his soft groans as he lodges his thick cock into your warm mouth, and then pushing your head down to go even deeper

the pleasures just too great, the thrilling mixture of being in a public toilet right before a big match, fucking your tight throat raw

and your teary eyes, fluttering your lashes up at him with a mouthful of dick, he could laugh from how adorable you look

after hes done spurting stringy thick ropes of his seed down your esophagus hes just: “thanks babe... you sucked the nerves right outta me.”

and you know its bullshit bc hes smirking in that sarcastic way, and its a fact that sukuna doesnt know what it feels to be nervous!!!

lucky for you, he treats you better than anyone else - he wipes your mouth and kisses you before parting ways with you

likes to give you another smirk once he finds you amongst the audience

its crazy how much energy he still has after games

on the rare occasions when his team loses... oh boy

100% takes his frustration out using sex

just thinking abt the simmering anger...practically throws you onto his bed

pins your body down and slamming into you with his whole body weight

ruins you so bad, bruises and bites literally everywhere

but like... you’re into that shit

butterflies in stomach whenever the other team ends up winning

“ugh...fuckin’ squeezing me like that... you don’t want me to stop, do you?”

“maybe you like it when i lose a game. what a whore.”

“sukuna...sukuna, too bi-big..”

“oh? and you’d think this cunt would be pretty used to it by now,” he responds cockily. it turns you on when he uses such vulgar language.

spills so many loads into you, youre like a cream filled donut by the end

spanks you too, handprints on your ass and all - omg imagine the strength as a vb player

the aftercare is nice, usually he brings you to the bath immediately and check you out if you need ointment applied to your skin or vice versa

but it wouldnt be surprising if he got lazy with it on some days, especially after an exhausting game, having sex on top of that is gotta be tough

also he spends a lot of time training and practicing, which adds to your loneliness

sometimes you overthink it and feel like youre just being used, but instead of communicating it, you just act more sensitively around him

and vb sukuna sucks at picking up the small cues, so he just thinks youre being unreasonable

the two of you get into a pretty heated argument which ends with you storming off one time

theres a bit of silent treatment going on, but then afterwards you start talking with him “normally” again

theres an obvious distance growing between you and him, and your attitude is colder than it used to be. sukuna thinks its something thatll pass sooner or later

but then you text him, saying that you wont be able to come and see his game

thats not right. hes had a few fights with you before, but you’ve never skipped out on coming to watch him like this, ever.

but being a prideful tsundere he is, he just replies with a “do whatever you want” before chucking his phone off to the side (which he checks later again, to see if you said anything more after that. you didnt.)

on the day of the match, hes constantly checking the crowd if youre there

its not like *glance* he cares *glance* about you coming *glance* or anything *glance*

his mates raise eyebrows and tell him to focus properly and hes never looked scarier lmao

they won in the end, but the taste of victory isnt the same

the group wants to celebrate and go to some restaurant to eat but he skips out and goes home alone

and when he opens his door to an empty and dark living room, he cant shake off the feeling of uneasiness in the pit of his stomach

totally doesnt google search “signs of an incoming breakup”

feels worse afterwards

eats a nice and nutritious meal he cooked for himself, but it tastes kinda like cardboard

i said previously that sukuna doesnt know what feeling nervous is, but now he does, hes terrified youre gonna pull the breakup card on him, he wont know how to deal with that

he has a feeling that if he doesnt do something about this now, he will lose his chance forever

sukuna calls you but you dont pick up

he finds his way to your front door and rings the bell, and you call out from the other side asking him what he wants from you

“why didnt you pick up any of my calls? i want to talk.”

he hates how whiny he sounds.

you crack open the door ever so slightly, so only one of your eyes are visible to him

“about what?”

“about... this. about us.”

“...you’ve been crying. let me in.”

he gently pushes open your door and you stand out of the way, letting him

...and he starts with an apology. about saying mean things to you during the argument, about acting like he doesnt care when he does (he cares so much abt you that it drives him mad), pretending not to notice how upset you were

you watch him sternly, but end up bursting into tears bc youre so relieved he came out and admitted to his faults, and that theres hope for this relationship

youre bawling as he pulls you into his arms, and you confess that not going to see him and treating him coldly was the hardest thing youve ever done in your life

sukunas so relieved you still feel deeply for him, and simultaneously upset bc youre upset

you reveal that youve been feeling neglected, feeling like he only liked you for your body, and you too, apologise for not communicating that and acting sensitively instead

hes appalled, calls you an idiot but then retracts that statement and denies ever having thought in that way

the two of you snuggle up so close together in your bed, communicating and chatting and catching up for hours while he occasionally eyes the mountain of used tear-filled tissues in your room, rather concerned

for a while, he doesnt initiate sexual activity unless you specifically want it bc he wants to prove he likes spending quality time with you just as much <3

and when sex does eventually happen, he makes it very romantic and meaningful, with proper aftercare, continuously whispering “i love you,” throughout

and he shall do anything to have you keep loving him back.

some general stuff with vb sukuna:

mad tall. i wont give an exact number but anywhere between 195 - 200cm tall :>

mad horny. hes like an animal

hes such a big eater,, i mean, i see sukuna as a big eater in any au but this one in particular bc hes an athlete haha

u probably make protein shakes for him and stuff, but hes not rly on a strict diet or anything, he just eats anything and everything

has a lotta fangirls >:( but he ignores them now, after he met you >:) but before, he probably played around a lot and hooked up with some >:( he never liked any of them to stick around, tho >:) except you >:)

goes on morning runs, at like 6am and gives u a kiss on the cheek beforehand

is so fucking touchy clingy, always needs you on his lap, hands under your skirt or shirt

the last guy who tried to hit on you got a nosebleed, getting hit with a volleyball (its so funny, he changed his aim mid-spike during a practice match)

haha he was sent to the bench for that one (everyone was chuckling behind their hands)

the headband was given to him by you, bc he once complained abt having to gel his hair every morning + gel doesnt keep his hair in shape when hes sweating excessively

thats all for today <3 thanks for reading

Masterlist

tagging; @yuujispinkhair @moonchild-artemisdaughter @skunaskitten

[louscartridge]

dating bose o'brien thoughts or wtvr

bose obrien x gn reader

i do not give permission for my fics to be posted claiming to be yours, translated, or posted on another platform.

cw- reader knows bose is brainstorm, cuddling, mentions of horror movies, established relationship, reader calls bose 'baby' and /silly' once, angst/hurt +comfort if you squint, reader and bose say "i love you" to eachother.

danger force masterlist here

❥ bose is Literally the most golden retriever boyfriend to ever exist. anyways following you around and wanting to be with you. he'd (attempt to) do almost anything for you. when you're not around he gets all mopey and cant stop talking about you.

"no wonder he cant remember anything. all he ever thinks about is y/n"

❥His love language(s) are physical touch, and gift giving. Hes always clinging onto you when hes scared, or sad, or just around you honestly. You remember that one episode of danger force where shwoz's mom was "sick" and bose got her golf clubs? (Im gonna pretend he used his own money for that 💀) He uses the little money he gets from occasionally working at nacho ball, on you.

you put what bose had bought you back in the box, and onto the table that was in the middle of the couch the two of you were sitting on.

"Bose, baby. As much as i love this, and you, you really dont have to spend any of your money on me at all. Get something YOU want for yourself." you tell him.

"All i want to myself is you" he replies, his voice cracking slightly at the end making you smile while you blush at his statement.

"Ok, Ill tell you what. How about you get that new dvd you were talking about a few days ago, and we can watch it together. Then, we'll both have what we want"

❥ Obviously you guys watch shows and movies together all the time. I feel like he really likes watching cartoons with you alot too. You make him happy, cartoons make him happy, therefore- extra happy bose. You love horror movies, but as we know, bose is a bit of a scaredy cat when it comes to horror movies. However, that doesnt mean that he wont watch them with you. He knows how much you like them, and he also knows how much it means to the both of you to watch stuff together.

Youre on of the few people he'll actually watch a horror movie with. Though he still gets scared, he always feels the most safe and secure while watching a horror movie when youre there. Boes is practically hooked on your back like a koala, and his arms loosely wrapped around your neck. As hes watching the movie with you, he would occasionally yelp, and bury his face in the crock of your neck and his arms, tightening the hold his arms have around your neck slightly, all while saying "im not scared i dont know what you're talking about"

❥ This man absolutely loves cuddling. Spooning, sitting in the others lap, it didnt matter. As long as you were touching eachother, he was happy.

Hes most definitely is usually a little spoon. He feels insanely safe and protected by you. As much as he always says to the rest of his co-workers and friends that he "can protect himself" you know that sometimes he needs a little help, and he gets more scared then hed like to admit. With you tho, he had absolutely no doubt that he'll be alright.

❥ i feel like bose doesnt really care too much about sounding cheesy when hes talking to you or about you. At first he might've been a little scared to tell you how he feels about you, but after that, god he just keeps going on. He loves you and he'll sure as hell tell you that he does. He doesnt say "i love you" excessively, but he definitely says it at least twice everyday. At least once in the morning, and at least once before he or you go to sleep.

He actually said it first. One of his favorite shirts got ripped and he asked you to fix it. When you were done sewing it and gave it back to him, he exitedly grabbed it out of your hands while enthusiasticly saying "oh my god thank you, i love you" before running away.

a bit later bose came back to the couch in the mans nest where you were sitting, only this time he was wearing the shirt that you had just fixed for him a little bit ago. He sat down next to you but he seemed kinda anxious.

"Whats wrong bose?" You asked him, leaning forward slightly so you could see his face better. He was biting at his lower lip a little and looking down at his hands that were bouncing up and down from his leg bouncing. "I-im sorry if i weirded you out or anything earlier" he said not looking up from his hands. "No you didnt. Why would you? You didnt do anything" you took your left hand and softly brought it up to his jaw , turning his face so you could see eachother properly. Bose hesitated for a second before answering. "When I said i love you" it seemed as if he was holding himself back from looking at you, instead he was looking aimlessly behind you, or back down again. Only time time, instead of seeing his hands, he sees his knees slightly touching yours. You slowly rubbed your boyfriends cheekbone with your thumb. "Oh my god bose, thats what you're worried about?" You chuckle slightly. "I love you too. I said it back, you just ran away too fast for you to hear it silly" Once you said that, boses eyes immediately shot to yours. "Really?" Even tho he said it quietly, you could still hear the happiness in his voice.

"Really." You confirmed, bringing him into a soft kiss.

[tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors]

May i ask why are none of your stories readable anymore? I was looking to read some since my friends have been recommending you so often. But me and now them can't seem to find almost any of your stories for sandersides. 😅 I hope this message finds you well tho, have a good day, and if I don't hear back from you good afternoon, good evening, and good night. 🫶

hello! im so sorry you've been having trouble! unfortunately all of my fics have been removed from tumblr, and on ao3 they have been made available only to logged in users. i feel terrible for the people this prevents from seeing them, and am happy to give you one of my available invites if you DM me!

i've done this to prevent AI scraping of my content (and im not any happier about it than yall are - its cut my responses about in half which is super demotivating)

as for why all the links on the pages on my blog are still up its because i've had SAD brain the past few months and keep forgetting. so sorry!!

[bitwynn]

Not a fan

A SAGAU Impostor AU Songfic

Song used: Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen

...so I caved. Yep. Starting a new series even though i already have one. To be fair, i felt like i needed a break from that series since that beast needs a whole lotta world building and im planning for it to get into some heavy fucken subjects. This one tho is more chill and light-hearted, since theyre all just a bunch of kind of disconnected one shots that are all kind of connected. So like-- when this series gets a lil longer, you can literally start from any fic since its all connectedly disconnected. A better example was my original idea of me just writing the end goal where they finally defeat the impostor like-- directly after the Castaway fic to rlly show how connectedly disconnected it is but i refrained myself since i wanted to write more wanderer. Been playing as him a lot but i havent rlly done the archon quest yet lol but hes just a blast. Hes an annoying lil shit (affectionate)

Blue for Barbara, Yellow/Gold for Zhongli, Green for Wanderer, red for Diluc, Italics is Reader/General, Combined is Everyone. Colors only used for singing parts.

---

Is this the real life?

You were running again, the spears and arrows of the Millelith chasing you all across Liyue.

Is this just fantasy?

Zhongli was by your side, steadfast as a rock as he shielded you from their weapons-- both with his Jade Shields and his body.

Caught in a landslide,

A loose rock almost sent you tumbling down into the depths of the Chasm, Barbara grabbing you just in time.

No escape from reality.

Diluc recognizes the path you were taking towards Tiangong Gorge, immediately rushing off to the Chasm's Maw and letting loose Dawn-- his phoenix rising up into the sky like a blazing beacon, just buy the rest of you more time. He'll rejoin you once again, he knows the path you'd take. He's your main afterall.

Open your eyes,

The three of you make it, the relief from seeing the glow of the blue Waypoint almost bringing you to your knees.

Look up to the skies and see,

You stumble in, Barbara hauling your arm over her shoulder as Zhongli collapses the tunnel behind you. You may be Overseer of Teyvat but he is the Overseer of Liyue, and its stones still answers to his call. There is nothing left but the browns and greens that creep towards the borders of Liyue.

I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy,

Your little group exit the cavern, the fresh air of the rainforest cooling the sweat on your backs and you see Haypasia's "little neighbor" peeking up from behind a leaf.

Because I'm easy come, easy go,

The tiny Aranara, though a little hesitant that more people could see him now, takes your hand and guides you through Avidya Forest. Thank goodness you had caved from your siblings nagging and finally done at least a part of the Sumeru quest.

Little high, little low,

You were still unfamiliar with the lands of Sumeru, trusting your little lettuce friend to lead you to a place of safety, of rest.

Any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to me,

Lettuce, as you had affectionately named him, lead you all deep into the rainforests of Sumeru all while deftly avoiding the little village of forest rangers and the rangers themselves. You hadn't said a word to him but you knew, deep in somewhere, that he would be leading you somewhere safe. Somewhere protected.

Though this... wasn't what you expected.

To me.

He turns to your group, the smell of tea faintly wafting from the pot he was tending. "I don't think I need to introduce myself, do I?"

-

After the short but silent panic that washed over the three of you (it took the you and Barbara 5 minutes to even get a centimeter pulling Vortex Vanquisher out the cave wall while Zhongli aggressively apologized to him), the four of you were sat on the floor watching the Wanderer tend to the bubbling pots of food he was making.

There was a strange... very not tense(?), and very awkward energy in the air as he set aside cups and bowls for all of you, his own cup still full with steaming almost black water. Zhongli was very noticeably trying not to stare at his oversteeped tea.

Little Lettuce had already left, presumably to keep an eye on the area or watch out for Diluc. You didn't want to use him as a shield or a way to break the ice or something but god-- the energy in the air was just so uncomfortable.

You all watched Wanderer in this terse silence prepare your food, his soft chopping of the grilled unagi sounding like death knells in your cave. He took each of the bowls he set out, placing a considerable amount of rice in each and a small handful of dried seaweed and sesame seeds. Bringing out a jar of umeboshi from his inventory, he placed each slab of unagi with a single umeboshi atop the bed of rice and seaweed.

He pours out the tea onto the rice, 1, 2, 3... and stops. He cocks his head. Frowns.

"Wasn't there supposed to be four of you?"

And the silence was broken.

"W-well, little lettuce already left--"

"Not the aranara-- wait, you named him lettuce? Tsk, whatever. Where's the other one? The red one?"

"Oh, uhm, Diluc?"

He nods, the small scowl on his face almost carved into him. You feel your face heat as you turn your face away from him.

"He ran off. To the Maw. Let out his burst as a diversion to buy us time --but he'll find us. He'll come back. He knows the way, he knows how I think, he knows what I'll do. He'll come back."

Wanderer sighs, disappearing the extra bowl. You're not sure whether you said all that to stop his retort or to diminish your own worry.

You're shaken from your thoughts by Barbara holding your hand. She gives it a squeeze, and you squeeze back, thankful for the comfort.

"Are you just gonna keep staring at your food or do you want to die of both exhaustion and starvation?"

"Okay, eating now!"

You're handed a warm bowl of Shimi Chazuke, Wanderer's specialty. It didn't look like its in game icon, only having the plump umeboshi on top of a bed of rice and seaweed with the pale tea glistening in the light. But you had come to learn that many things in game didn't translate directly, there sure as hell no quest or mention of a "Divine Overseer, and yet-- and yet.

You bring the bowl up to your face, the warmth soaking into your aching, tired hands and its steam gently caressing your face. You mix a portion of the rice together with the tea, scoop it up, and put it into your mouth.

And practically turn into jelly at the taste.

"Umai...!" you moan, savoring the taste of it all.

The fresh rice soaked in the bitter tea tasted amazing, each bite slowly turning into a different flavor as the oils and sauce from the grilled unagi gradually mixed in with the rice. Cutting up a bit of the eel with your spoon, you mix it with the rice and your mouth burst with deliciousness.

The eel was grilled to perfection, plump and juicy and flaky. And with the addition of the tea, it introduced flavors you hadn't even imagined from a simple grilled fish.

As you were about to burst that plump little plum, the Wanderer stopped you, a strange look on his face. He handed you a handkerchief.

"Wipe your face, the flavor's gonna be off if you mix it with your tears."

Stunned, you took the handkerchief. "Oh."

It... had been a long time since you've eaten good food and found a place to rest. Too long.

You hold it close to your chest, eyes squeezed shut as you tried to calm down. After a moment, you wipe away the sweat, and tears, and snot, and grime that had accumulated on your journey. It had been such a long time since you first found kindness in this world, even if that kindness came from an emotionally stunned automaton designed to be a god.

You chuckled to yourself, a wet little thing, as you realize that you kept weeping harder and harder with each swipe of the cloth. You bury your face in it, the handkerchief practically soaked with your tears as you take a few calming breaths to finally stop your tears.

"I'm... I'm sorry, I-- its been a while since I've... yeah. Uhm..."

You take a breath, still wet with your snot. "I, uh... I'm gonna keep this, I uh-- ruined it. I'll, I'll clean it though! If you want it back."

Wanderer, handily ignoring your breakdown just earlier, cringes in disgust. "No thanks. Keep it, you need it more than me if you decide to bawl your eyes out again."

Despite the harshness of it, you soften, tucking the offending handkerchief away. "Thanks." "Don't ever mention it."

He reclines back into his little designated space in your cave, and hesitantly stokes the fire with his anemo vision. You pick your unfinished bowl of chazuke, umeboshi still waiting to be eaten. It was good to know that at least there was a few things that didn't change now that you're here.

"Are you finished yet? Stop gawking at your food and finish it so I can do the dishes."

Yep, some things just never change.

You finally finish your meal with the silence in the cave now something much more comfortable, the crackling of the fire and the quiet rushing and clanking of dishes almost lulling you into a sense of "you don't have a bounty placed on your head and are definitely not running from anyone and everyone for fear of them betraying you and handing you over to your megalomaniacal doppelganger".

Wanderer, having lost the argument of who does the dishes against Barbara, was definitely not sulking in his little corner and absolutely not fiddling with his new(?) anemo vision. "So, why'd you come here to Sumeru anyways? I know you definitely were not looking for me, considering the fact you tried to impale my head on sight. Which to be fair," he chuckles at Zhongli's sheepish face, stood near the cavern entrance. "I would do the same."

You absentmindedly plucked the strings of your Windblume Lyre, the instrument becoming a sort of stimming/coping device, helping you deal with everything that had happened to you. He hummed to himself, the cogs turning in his head. "I can't think of any other reason why you'd come here-- finding and trusting in me is a huge gamble that you won," he clarified, turning away from Barbara's blank stare. "the ancient Khaenri'ahn technology scattered around Sumeru won't be of any use if you were considering taking the fight to your impostor, the Irminsul Tree could be a good reason but I can't see any way you'd use it to help you, though knowledge is always good to have anyways."

He scoffed, reclining into the dirt of your cave. "Archons, imagine how ridiculous it would be if you just ran here because you had no choice but to! Like a bunch of scared animals, ahaha!"

You slowly sink behind your lyre as he continues.

"In my time here, you're infamous for always evading their grasp-- heck, there's even an entire division of scholars here dedicated to just trying to figure out how in the world you do it. Some say you're a master at faking trails, some say you have some sort of... psychic power that lets you read the mind of your enemies so you can anticipate their moves."

He shrugs.

"Honestly, I'm more inclined to believe that last one-- in my brief time as your Vessel before your descent, you somehow managed to find information about me, despite my entire existence being wiped from the Irminsul Tree. Add to that the experiences that your other Vessels had, and it's a pretty compelling case." A sigh. "Shame that probing is one-sided though, a peek into the mind of the 'Divine Deceiver' or 'Overseer' or whatever fancy title you call yourself would be quite intriguing. Who knows what schemes are you cooking up in there. Now tell me,"

He straightens, eyes boring into yours from where you were, at this point, hiding in shame behind your lyre. "why are you here in Sumeru?"

"Aha... ha... haaa..." If you had a pyro vision, your face would be on fire by now. You had to turn away, the warmth of embarrassment creeping down your neck. "Well, uhm..." You clear your throat, gulping as you try to even find the words to explain how much of a legitimately normal person you are, who was practically forced to grow brain cells specifically for scheming because if you didn't you would die.

"So, uh...ah he he he... heh..." you take a breath, a shaky grin on your lips. "So, you know how reality is sometimes stranger than fiction?"

He raises an eyebrow.

"Well..."

You vaguely gesture, hoping that your flailing would get your message across.

He stares at you. He stares some more. He blinks.

"No."

"Yeah."

"No..."

"Yeah...

"NO."

"YEAH--"

His mouth drops in shock as he tries to process what you're implying. The rumors painted a... much prettier and mightier picture of you than the both of you thought.

"I-- you-- wha-- how-- what?!"

He takes a breath, chest rising despite his lack of a need for air. He pinches the bridge of his nose, and you get the feeling that he's restraining himself from grabbing you by the shoulders and shaking you stupid.

"So, you're telling me. That the 'Divine Deceiver' and their little posse made of a literal god, the once-captain of Mondstat's Knights of Favonius, and Mondstat's most renowned healer idol, have, quite literally, been running around like rats all over Teyvat and somehow, somehow staying alive by a thread?!"

"I KNOW MAN, I HAVE NO IDEA HOW WE'RE STILL ALIVE--"

"Oh my--"

He begins to growl, a black orb of anemo energy collecting in his palm. You squeak as you try to scramble to your feet, his face full of rage.

And the whirling winds in your cavern suddenly stops, Wanderer dismissing the dark energy in his hand. "Oh, relax."

He blows a raspberry at you, as you groan and sit back down. You bring your lyre back out from where you unconsciously disappeared it and clutch it like a lifeline.

"God, I never knew your idle could be that scary."

"...Idle?"

Barbara waves off his question, a sheepish expression on her face as she fixes her curls back into place. "Its... complicated. You'll learn more about it as you travel with us." She hands him the used and cleaned bowls and utensils. "You... will travel with us, right?"

He scoffs, taking the bowls and disappearing them with a flash of light. "Of course I will. Its literally in my name. Besides, I have nothing that ties me down anymore so I might as well wander with you guys."

She smiles at him, ever sweet and ever kind. She settles back down near the fire, drying her soaking hands. Though Zhongli is still taking watch by the cavern entrance, you could see the slightest look of pleased approval in his face. "Though if you are going to be travelling and running from the law with me, we need to make a plan instead of scurrying around like rats."

And at that, the entire cavern groans in exhaustion. "Not now, please." "We'd like to have some rest first, Wanderer!" "Please, fuck, no-- I've had enough scheming for 3 thousand years--"

"Wait, so you did have a plan going into Sumeru?!"

You wave him off, hands going to rest back upon the strings of your trusty lyre. "Well, it was more of like... a guideline? A safety net? We had a couple ideas on what to do if we ever ended up in Sumeru and we, yknow, ended up in Sumeru so we'll probably do that."

You pluck a couple strings as you remember what you "planned". "I hadn't finished the Sumeru main quest yet and I hadn't unlocked all of the Statues of the Seven yet either. We were thinking of unlocking all the Statues first since, without them, my 'all-encompassing' game map is jack shit here in Sumeru, and then we were thinking of finishing the main quest to both progress the story and better the... political? climate here along with a few other benefits. After that..."

You make a face, much more aggressively playing at your lyre. "We really didn't want to split up the party but, I kinda wanna finish the main story quest in the Chasm but also we need to collect all the Dendroculous and Electroculous for more stamina and stuff. But also, I kinda wanna visit Dragonspine since..." You let yourself trail off, the makings and ideas of plans evident in your voice.

Wanderer merely stares at you for a moment, the game terms flying over his head as Barbara mouths at him, "I'll tell you about it later". You sigh, dreading the planning of tomorrow as your fingers calm on the strings. "But, we can plan tomorrow. Please. We almost died multiple times again." He sighs, relenting. "At least you have the skeleton of a plan."

"Yes!"

Humming, you sink into the soft ground, thanking the soils of Teyvat for giving you some comforts in this trying time. What little grass in the cave caresses you in gratitude, as you pluck at your instrument.

The Wanderer sighs, as he prepares a small pot of tea. "You've been messing with that thing all night and its about to grate at my ears. Do you even know how to play?"

You chuckle a bit, sheepish as you hand the lyre over to Barbara who plays a quick, jaunty tune with a flourish. "Well, I can sing...?"

He sighs again, bowing his head and resigned to the confirmation that you were much more... ridiculous than the gossip and rumors painted you as. "Then why are you the one with the lyre?"

You shrug as Barbara starts up another little song. "Gives me something to do with my hands. Helps me calm down. Diluc and Barbara have been teaching me though when we have the time."

Your soft smile at Barbara's song turns cheeky as you turn to him. "Wanna hear what they've taught me?"

"Sure, better than forcing this inane conversation."

You giggle maniacally as you smile at Barbara, the singer immediately catching your drift. "Follow me?" "To the ends of the earth."

You laugh, as she tunes the instrument to the right notes. "Not like that you sap!" "I know, I know! But yes, of course. His song right?"

You nod. "Yep."

"'My' song...?" Wanderer tilts his head in confusion, before realization dawns on his face.

"Hey, just because it has my-- ...that name, does not immediately mean its 'my song'."

The two of you handily ignore his slip up, you drinking some water in preparation for singing and Barbara testing the lyre if its in tune. "Oh, please," you say, sitting up. "you haven't even heard the full thing yet! It's definitely your song."

He sighs, leaning back against the cavern wall. "Very well then. Indulge me."

-

You start, reciting the beginning "poem" from memory. Barbara watches and waits, fingers hovering above the strings. Wanderer cocks his head, clearly interested. She begins playing as you get halfway, the lyre an excellent substitute for the piano. You continue, the Wanderer scoffing a little at the poem's mention of a poor boy needing no sympathy, but you pay it no mind. He hasn't heard the rest of the song yet.

"Mama,"

Barbara picks up on her playing, wringing the lyre out for all its worth for those deep chords and piano-like sounds.

"Just killed a man,"

You summoned the small drum you bought from a merchant in Inazuma in preparation.

"Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger now he's dead,"

You close your eyes, swaying to the tune of the song.

"Mama, life had just begun,"

You didn't need to open your eyes to know that he's really listening now.

"But now I've gone and thrown it all away!"

You quickly tap on the drum, trying in vain to mimic the band's performance.

"Mama!, oooh,"

Zhongli was sat at the entrance with his legs crossed and humming along.

"Didn't mean to make you cry,"

Wanderer was still. You could almost hear the turning of the cogs in his mind.

"If I'm not back again this time tomorrow,"

The steady beat of the drum was a stark contrast to the deep, heavy feeling inside his chest.

"Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters."

His Vision pulsed, as his hand unconsciously came to caress it. Was this what it was like to have a heart?

Barbara's fingers were gentle on the strings as a set of footsteps approached the entrance of the cave. You could hear Little Lettuce's pitter-pattering and the dulcet tones of Zhongli and Diluc's voices as they catch up in the short time they've been separated.

"Too late, my time has come,"

He had closed his eyes, listening intently to the music as the waves of sound rocked him gently and deeply into his sea of memories.

"Sends shivers down my spine,"

He can see it now, those old fleeting moments of happiness before they were all ultimately destroyed.

"Body's aching all the time."

He could feel it, suddenly hyper aware of his joints and limbs. The feeling of phantom strings and hands pulling and pushing him like he was some puppet. (But it wasn't like he was ever anything else.)

"Goodbye, everybody. I've got to go,"

He could hear it, everyone's cries and wails of despair filling his ears as he sailed towards Inazuma City to beg the Shogunate (his mother) for mercy that they would not grant.

"Gotta leave you all behind to face the truth."

He could also hear the Doctor's cackling laughter as he began to weave his web of lies, webs that would replace the strings that she had put on him. That he had cut away.

"Mama!, oooh,"

He could see it, the light shining through the patches in the walls and the roof of that old hut. The kind and innocent smile on that sickly, young face.

"I don't wanna die,"

He could see it, red, red, red lapping up and eating away at the walls and roof of the house. Red, red, red all around them. As if he was asleep in a meadow of flowers. (or sinking into a pool of blood)

"I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all.!"

You all gave him his moment, deep in his sea of memories. Diluc was wordlessly playing the zither, an imperfect substitute for an electric guitar. He'd noiselessly joined into your impromptu concert after he was caught up on the situation by Zhongli who had promptly disguised the mouth of the cavern as some kind of rock formation.

As he played, you thought back to the Wanderer's words. To the moment you first heard him say that-- his character teaser. Your heart had clenched back then, tears pricking the corners of your eyes but you couldn't help chuckling at his words-- that ever iconic song playing in your head. But you know that there was nothing to chuckle about here, Wanderer holding the brim of his hat in an almost vice-like grip. His jaw is clenched.

You all silently agreed to let the solo drag on at least a little bit longer. He takes a sharp breath. (You all know its his way of saying his thanks.)

Barbara begins plucking the lyre in a jaunty little tune, and you couldn't help but crack a grin. The atmosphere's heavy, but it's beginning to lift anyway.

"I see a little silhouetto of a man,"

The Wanderer scoffs, already knowing the next few lines by heart thanks to you. You all readily ignore the wetness in his sound.

"Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the fandango?!"

You were surprised at everyone joining in. Wanderer especially, being caught so off-guard that he jumped in his seat. "For the nth time, no I won't!" Barbara giggles as you push onwards, a manic grin on your face.

"Thunderbolt and lightning!"

Diluc only smiles at the mildly disgruntled Wanderer, his Divine Overseer and Mondstadt's Deaconess having stood up to sing their hearts out. "I'm pretty sure that's not gonna be the last time you say that to them."

"Very, very frightening, me!"

The singing duo once again became lost in the music of the song, belting their hearts and lungs out for their one audience member. Said audience member could only crack a smile and reply, "I had a feeling."

"Galileo, Galileo,"

You had all but screeched out said scientist's name as you pointed to Zhongli. When faced with the Wanderer's incredulous look, he could only gain a fond look in his eyes, shrug and say, "You get used to it over time."

"Galileo, Galileo,"

"Wait, you're all used to this?!" Barbara's sheepish as she answers. "They sing as a coping mechanism. We kind of picked it up over time as well." Diluc shrugs again. "It's better than alcoholism."

"Galileo, Figaro! - Magnifico, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,"

Wanderer cringes-- despite this, a smile is growing on his face. "You don't have to vocalize the echoes, you imbecile!" You merely put a hand to your forehead, aiming to up the drama with your next lyrics.

"I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me,"

He feels the tug of old memories, of old traumas still clinging to his skin. But he pays them no mind, knowing he must march onwards to the future. A future paved by a ragtag group of wanted divine beings and important people that are beginning to worm his way into his chest.

"He's just a poor boy from a poor family,"

Oh no. He's feeling it again.

"Spare him his life from this monstrosity!"

He cannot help but watch you all sing.

Barbara's fingers fly on the strings.

"Easy come,"

He felt what he felt back then, before she had forsaken him.

"Easy go,"

He felt what he felt back then, before he was fooled into thinking he had left him-- left them.

"Will you let me go?"

He felt what he felt back then, before he was torn away from him with no bigger enemy to blame but his own mortality.

"Bismillah! No!"

It was affection. It was care.

"We will not let you go!

(Let him go!)"

Oh archons, he's starting to care.

"Bismillah! We will not let you go!

(Let him go!)"

For hundreds of years, he's hardened his heart and closed himself off from everyone and everything. Sworn to scrub himself clean of human emotions.

"Bismillah! We will not let you go!

(Let me go!)"

And yet, for those same hundreds of years, he had never fully closed himself off-- never fully scrubbed away the feeling of... feeling.

"Will not let you go! (Let me go!)"

He couldn't help but glance at those two, fingers flying across the strings of their instruments. Humans, can they really be trusted?

"Will not let you go! (Let me go!)

His eyes slowly drifted to the other two, one ancient and the other practically a newborn. Can the gods really make him feel anything other than loathing?

"Never let you go!

(Never, never, never let me go!)"

He takes in their entire performance, all of them being their pure, complete, and unadulterated selves. With no masks to keep on, or roles to maintain. Merely singing, and dancing, and playing these instruments just for the heck of it.

"Oh, oh, oh!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!"

For centuries, he has roamed this world-- seeing and meeting many new people, and yet never regarding any of them as his companions.

"Oh, mama mia, mama mia!"

Would he be able to regard these people as such?

"Mama mia, let me go!"

Would he be able to trust them, like the did with the others? To stay and not break their promises with him?

"Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me,"

Would he be able to hold on to them, and they not let go as they had been claiming over and over?

"For me!"

Well, he has no choice in the matter. He's stuck with them now, as wanted fugitives.

"For me!"

Only time will tell if they forsake him like those before him. At least he's safe in the comfort that the world had forsaken them as well. Just like him. He hopes that strange sort of kinship makes you understand. He hopes it makes you stay.

You whooped with joy as Barbara absolutely nailed that note, Diluc quickly shredding on the zither afterwards. You would've given it to Zhongli but-- the man hasn't played a guitar before. And you need a certain "je ne sais quoi" to really pull off what Queen was doing. ...Also, you needed the sound of a guitar for the song.

You glance back to the Wanderer, mostly silently listening this whole time. He was lightly bopping his hand to the beat. You smile, taking whatever victories you can get. "Beelzebub? Really?" You blow a raspberry at him, preparing for the next part of the song. "I'll tell you about it later!" You clear your throat.

"So, you think you can stone me and spit in my eye!"

Diluc hits that sick riff.

"So, you think you can love me and leave me to die?!"

Barbara, even if she's practically undetectable underneath Diluc's strumming and your-- excuse me, Zhongli's drum beating, is still managing to bring up and compliment every single one of you performing.

"Oh, baby!"

You swear, if you all weren't wanted fugitives forced to live on the LAM because of a crime you didn't commit, you'd be a killer band.

"Can't do this to me baby!"

You do gotta thank Zhongli for subtly swiping away the drums from you-- you frankly weren't quite sure how you'd be able to focus on giving this song the power ballad it deservers while also playing an instrument.

"Just gotta get out,"

Despite all your peeking on Wanderer for his opinions on the song and to check on his emotional state, you weren't exactly omniscient. You were, afterall, still performing and still getting lost in the music.

"Just gotta get right outta here!"

So you didn't notice the twinge of an... almost fond emotion lacing his face as he watches you rock out to this classic. What can you say, Diluc kills it on the zither.

The sound builds and builds, Barbara layering on top of it and you not being able to resist the urge to air guitar to it as it slowly reaches its crescendo... And crashes back down, Zhongli and Diluc humming along to the sound.

"Ooh, yeah, ooh, yeah,"

You gasp for breath, the end of the song finally coming up. Diluc's energetic playing slows down, signaling the finale.

"Nothing really matters,"

You feel sweat dripping down your skin, having danced and moved around-- possessed by the power of the song.

"Anyone can see,"

You lean your back against the cave wall, relishing in its coolness as you bring the song to a close.

"Nothing really matters... Nothing really matters, to me..."

You sigh as you sink, pleased and satisfied at everyone's performance.

"Any way the wind blows..."

Zhongli finishes it off with the rapping of the drum, mimicking a cymbal crash to his best ability. Barbara beams at the Wanderer, who looks like he's regretting singing along to that last part.

"So," you ask, out of breath. "what'cha think about the song?"

Wanderer waves off Barbara's tired but happy smile, poofing the fourth bowl back into existence and busying his hands. He prepares Diluc's Shimi Chazuke as he hums.

"Well, despite it being a complete emotional roller coaster and the utter gibberish that it contains, I suppose that its worthy being called 'my song', as you will."

"I'll fucking take it! Fives all around guys, good job!" You quickly double high five everyone in the group-- Zhongli letting you slam your hands down on his, Barbara being a quick pair of one-two taps, and Diluc just lightly bumping his full hands into yours. You turn to Wanderer, waiting for him to high five you. "You too, hat boy-- you joined in the song, you get some fives."

At least Diluc had the decency to look away when he huffed in amusement. "Hat boy?! Let me tell you, I've gone through many names and titles during my journey. And each one is more eminent than any ordinary mortal could ever imagine!"

As he said these words, his heart slowly sank to his feet as he saw the stupid, cheeky smile growing on your face. "Yes, yes... But! and I quote, 'they're all just water under the bridge to me now.

Call me whatever you like. Go ahead, let me see what you can come up with.'" The Wanderer's eye twitched.

"And that's the best you can come up with?! If you know me so well, oh, great Overseer, then you would very much know that I'm also telling you to not disappoint me! Tell me, All-Knowing Guide, am I not disappointed?!" You snorted, too tired from the day's events to feel any sort of proper fear and trepidation at this situation. "Then, I'll just keep thinking of names until something sticks, mushroom head." You pat his head. "Now, how in the world did you even get here Lulu?"

He sips from his bowl full of rice and tea. "Doro44 Sumeru Chasm sneakpeek. Would've gotten here faster if the place wasn't absolutely surrounded by treasure hoarders and Fatui. Had a bit of trouble finding it as well, since it was behind some rock walls." He grabs a small twig from the ground and starts drawing. "Its a sort of cave that's absolutely overgrown by giant roots." "You dare to ignore me?!"

You flash that same cheeky grin at him again. "We didn't ignore you, we just changed the subject!"

Nope, he takes it all back. He hates all of you.

---

AND THATS A FUCKING WRAP AUGHHHHHHHHH-- broooooo, you would not BELIEVE how hard this was to write. both because Bohemian Rhapsody is SUCH a long song but also because of SOOOO many outside circumstances. like BRUH i was supposed to release this like a day after my castaways fic but NOOOOOOOO-- life got so in the way man. my parents started breathing down my neck for chores, we had to visit my relatives in the province (still in the province btw lol), i got FUCKING SICK BECAUSE OF STRESS AND DUST ALLERGIES and i literally spent like-- my first few days sick making my sickness FUCKING WORSE since our house was literally covered in dust and i was the only one who could clean it fucking apparently. bro, i even spent this goddamn christmas fucking sick. ugh this has been such a hell week. literally the only comfort i found this week was all genshin related AHAHA-- i was playing genshin, visiting the SAGAU tag a lot, waiting for fanfics to update, just generally genshin brainrotting.

ugh thank god i finally released this one. i do have a lot of ideas for this down the road and hell dawg! i even got a request! thats the one thatll be coming up next. i wrote like-- a massive part of this sick and it got sOOOOO out of hand ever since i didnt get to finish it that day so i hope it sticks together well and is mostly coherent. enjoy!! :))

[thenwhatthefukcisthis]

Arthur didn’t miss the militarisation; he chose to omit that information : a word salad

I don’t think there’s a single mistake in movie history that has riled up this many people as arthur darling missing militarisation of Fischer. It’s (beautifully, always) taken as the moment eames shows arthur “it’s okay bb I love you” in all the fics ever (keep doing that please it’s my jam) and over the past 13 years people have been toying different ideas trying to figure out the reason for the best point man in the industry to miss such important detail of the job.

nobody asked, but here’s my two cents on it.

But first, lemme briefly mention the theories I have seen so far in the fandom regarding this

1. Arthur missed it. Just as it’s portrayed in the movie. He’s just human and humans are bound to make mistakes. There’s no mystery/backstory/explanation; he just missed it. cause even tho he strives to be, he isn’t 100% perfect.

(it’s very possible, but where’s the fun in this explanation cmon)

2. Arthur missed it cause he was too burned out by the long two years of babysitting cobb and he was too busy in inception job itself playing mentor to Ariadne while doing his point man duties

(I agree. totally. He needed to be wrapped in a blanket and fed cookies 30 seconds in to the damn movie)

3. Arthur didn’t miss it. He hid the fact intentionally to con the team. He was double crossing cobb/Eames and was actually helping cobol/CIA so he made the job difficult by keeping it a secret

(I’m not overly fond of this explanation, and it’s doesn’t ring true with the canon, but I see the appeal. The whole eames/arthur enemies to lovers extravaganza *chefs kiss*)

4. Arthur didn’t miss anything. Fischer wasn’t militarised. The projections were cobbs, including that giant ass train.

(Im not smart enough to completely understand this explanation but it’s a big brain idea *applause*)

so.. now onto the silly little idea I had.

(this could very well be an already discussed idea, I’m waaaaay late to the party, but I just haven’t come across it so far. Please bear with me if you’ve mentioned/seen someone mention it anywhere)

What if..what if it was arthur himself who militarised Fischer. What if it’s a job he did while running around the world with cobb and he did it from everyone?

in actual, real world, country hopping, funding lawyers, paying for law suits and funding for two kids actually need a truckload of money. While the Miles couple must’ve helped with some of those expenses, there must’ve been a huge amount of balance for cobb to cover, and despite being a runaway dad, cobb must’ve tried his best to make things at home were going smooth at home, taking as much jobs he could get, even the riskier and shadier ones.

however, with his mind falling apart and mal being not so lovely, there must’ve been a moment the efforts just weren’t enough. Cobb wouldn’t have mentioned it or more likely, wouldn’t have even noticed it, cause if the movie is any indication, the tabs must’ve been kept by a certain very meticulous point man.

arthur ,more than anyone else, knew how much cobb wanted to see his children and how hard he was trying to get his name cleared and get back to them. so, letting cobb know that he wasn’t dong enough as a father and a protector was definitely out in arthurs book.

so what if, while pretending for both his and cobbs sake that everything was just fine, arthur started taking up extra work to fill out those gaps? certainly not heavy inception-level work, but the ones which would only require a point man or just an architect. jobs without too much trouble, almost legal and which could be done in between jobs.

and arthur wouldn’t have minded missing a few nights sleep here and there, if it meant the lawyers keeping the feds off cobbs back were paid and happy. he knew his best friend was already beating himself up for mal, both the real life person and the projection and leaving such young kids alone, so even when cobb grumbled about research being completed late, arthur never let cobb know it’s cause he’s also handling another jobs research and add to the staggering weight of guilt his friend carried.

so what if, militarisation of Fisher was one such run-in-the-mill job that was done in super secrecy? Arthur was consulted when fishcer senior fell ill, arthur flew in (stateside), met Robert barely once, did the job and flew back.

when inception came along, arthur was obviously in a nice little pickle and he knew he had to talk cobb out of it (in the movie, we could see arthur being wary of inception from the get go, and while the extreme chance of utter failure could’ve been the reason, this could also be the reason why he didn’t wanna go through with it *cue stabby salad scene*) there was no way arthur could tell this to cobb without hurting him as then he would’ve had to explain all the rest to him as well.

being the point does mean he has to know it all, but it never says the others also have to know as much he does. so arthur keeps it hidden, but takes all the precautions; he makes sure everything is planned well and that everyone is trained in gun combat ( even the first class flight attendant specially the first class flight attendant ), knowing that worse that could happen would be dying in a dream, which for arthur, only meant waking up at that point. arthur was sure they could go thru with it cause as he says in the movie “it’s nothing they haven’t dealt with before”.

I love the level of calmness arthur was exuding when cobb tears him a new one and while it could be simply because arthurs life long experience of dealing with cranky cobb, there was also this hint of resigned “I’ve been expecting this” nature to his demeanour that was too calm, even for arthur. He tries to calm cobb down in the most placating manner cause Arthur must’ve decided that he deserves whatever that’s coming along his way and has been ready to take the blame since day one and tries his damndest to make sure everyone makes it out alive cause he was prepared and was sure. arthur didn’t mind playing the betrayer so that cobb could walk away guilt free out of inception.

however, what arthur never, ever expected was the person he has considered as his closest friend, to betray him and everyone else in the worst possible manner.

[willsolace-loml]

intro post!!!!!!!!!! (cuz its almost 2 months into the blog and i havent done one)

hi, im louis (said like lewis)

i use he/him pronouns, im pansexual and transmasc

im american 🇺🇸 but im adopted into a puerto rican 🇵🇷 family

i speak english and spanish and im working on welsh

im a minor!!!!!!!! im a teenager but still a minor

my interests r percy jackson (riordanverse in general) child of dyonisus, the marauders, the mighty ducks, ghostbusters, dead boy detectives, and marvel, heavy on spiderman and xmen tho

i do writing prompts and i shit post, u can submit writing prompts to me, nothing overly sexual but if u request a smut fic i can upload to ao3

speaking of which, my ao3 is rosekiller_guy

my profile picture is ethabaster in elena-illistrations picrew, the banner is the "the rise of the order" cast I found off pinterest

my messages are always open, to anyone, if u wanna be friends or u need to talk or u want to talk abt working on smth together (like a fic or an oc) im free (tho i may take a bit to answer, i run off the website not the app)

byyyyyyeeeeeeee---- louis

[fandomscraziness22]

20 Questions for Writers

tagged by @legolasghosty thank you friend!!!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

88!! that's crazy!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

257,528 which is also freaking insane

3. What fandoms do you write for?

lots of different ones! i have the most for julie and the phantoms, but also lockwood and co, the bright sessions, and jurassic world: camp cretaceous/chaos theory. i do have ones for leverage, the flash, the 100, and a few others i think

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

love came crashing in (lco)

Butterflies and Glitter (jatp)

it's like this heart is defenseless (lco)

watching is worse (the second time around) (jatp)

stand up when it's all crashing down (pjo)

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to! i used to be much better at always responding, but now i can't always muster up the energy to do it

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

literally all of them???? uhhhhh for jatp i've killed just about everyone but the most unmentionable ones are learn to live with the unimaginable (carlos) and i miss the days when (luke survives). for lockwood it's probs but the wolves came and went (and we're still standing) aka my torture fic. one of my personal favs is my flash fic, Betrayal (Or, how he finds out) ALSO ALMOST FORGOT i thought i was innocent (but there is blood all on my hands) for bright sessions!!

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i do happen to have some fluff fics!!! you are alive. is one of my favs of my jatp ones, and what a glorious feeling (i'm happy again) for lockwood. also shoutout to i need you like water for my happy green boys kissing in the rain

8. Do you get hate on fics?

nope! i think i maybe sorta did once, but i just screenshotted it to share with my friends and laugh about it lol

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

no, but im not opposed to someday doing it. the closest i've gotten is i hate you i love you (i hate that i want you) for bright sessions or what a glorious feeling for locklyle

10. Do you write crossovers?

i sorta did once, but that fic is abandoned. i tend to do more of aus "just the one scene" combining my fav things, but not really crossovers

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope, though i wouldn't be opposed!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes! me and @anthonyjlockwood have our club au series for jatp, and then our green boys fluff come meet me at the end of the (cereal) aisle

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

oh i cannot ever pick!!! percabeth is a childhood fav, elias/laia from an ember in the ashes (my favorite book of all time), bellarke (i refuse to believe rothenburg on that), juke and locklyle and green boys and nahri/ali from the daveabad trilogy (i love them)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

joan helps caleb actually!!! i wanted to change how college tapes went, but idk if it's gonna happen. i just want joan to set caleb straight lol

16. What are your writing strengths?

physical injuries/angst is what i'm best at! also comign up with teh most niche of au ideas but only for one scene and nothing else lol

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i wish i could write flowery language and amazing metaphors, but alas, i cannot

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i've only really done it for jatp which i feel like was what everyone was doing in that era? idk, i try not to do it too often. tho i do still really want to include sign language into a fic because i actually know that

19. First fandom you wrote for?

the 100, though i wrote some of my own stuff for Lost and Narnia before that

20. Favorite fic you've written?

can't pick, and i've mentioned a lot fo my favs already. i'll give a shoutout to i know where i belong, my leverage parker happy feels fic, and i keep getting better at slowly getting worse my habor crest fic for caleb and mark!

tagging @sabetha and @anthonyjlockwood and anyone else who wants to do it!

[unablethethird]

once again

Same with you skip the weird ones

1: Name Robert [rob]

2: Age 14

3: 3 Fears 1- Friends dying/getting hurt 2-Going back to the last place i lived 3-Not being able to help/be there

4: 3 things I love 1-My frens 2-Laptop 3-headphones

7: My best friend You and yaya [irl]

8: Sexual orientation AroAce [fictoromantic/fictosexual, and kinda orchidromantic]

10: How tall am I 166cm [for now]

11: What do I miss

cant think of anything rn

12: What time were I born 4am

13: Favorite color red, orange, purple, black

15: Favorite quote "Light a man a fire and he'll be warm for the night, light a man *on* fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life"

16: Favorite place Arcade

17: Favorite food Imjaderah [rice+yoghurt+beans]

18: Do I use sarcasm sometimes, not rlly tho

19: What am I listening to right now

20: First thing I notice in new person Not sure, maybe symptoms???? but not on purpose

21: Shoe size No idea

22: Eye color dark brown [almost black]

23: Hair color black

24: Favorite style of clothing 1920s men atire

25: Ever done a prank call? Not that i can remember

27: Meaning behind my URL I mean this is the 3rd acc

28: Favorite movie THE LORAX!!!!

29: Favorite song right now it's

30: Favorite band FamilyJules? LemonDemon? Will wood? Chonny jash?

31: How I feel right now My body's scared but im chilling

32: Someone I love You /p

33: My current relationship status AroAce, platonically married

34: My relationship with my parents lol

35: Favorite holiday Eid al adha, free money

36: Tattoos and piercing i have Ear

37: Tattoos and piercing i want Sleeve tattoo when i transition

38: The reason I joined Tumblr Needed to continue a fic/comic that was on tumblr

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? idk

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? thank you fren /gen

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? my dad? maybe when i was really young

42: When did I last hold hands? My little sister, i didnt want her to get run over when crossing the road

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? As long as i have, if u give me an hour i'll take an hour, if you give me 30 seconds i'll take 30 seconds

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? Nope, i get gender dysphoria from shaving my legs/arms

45: Where am I right now? Bed

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? LOUD

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? Mum, not dad

49: Am I excited for anything? Turning 18 and going uni and being a human person with a human life

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? Im an oversharer

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? Im autistic so not in a deppressed way

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? Cant remember

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? H [irl]

55: What is something I disliked about today? My sister stealing money from my mum, i was this close to having smoke outta my ears, she should know better

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? God, im going to beat the shit out of him

57: What do I think about most? Cringe memories i guess?

58: What’s my strangest talent? I can bird whistle

59: Do I have any strange phobias? Touch might be strange?

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind fs

61: What was the last lie I told? "I don't know who they were talking about" [i didn't want to hurt her feelings]

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? voice, video is a nightmare

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Yea because either i've seen them or im delusional [im delusional]. aliens are a given, even a bacteria could be one

64: Do I believe in magic? Kinda? idrk, maybe

65: Do I believe in luck? yea

66: What’s the weather like right now? cloudy n cold

67: What was the last book I’ve read? DnD rulebook

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? LVORE IT LOIF LVOE LOVE IT

69: Do I have any nicknames? I get called by my last name a lot

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? not sure

71: Do I spend money or save it? Save

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? Unfortunatly no

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? My sisters deoderant

74: Favorite animal?

FOXES!!!!!!

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? calming myself down

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? I dont think he has one, idk im not religious

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? Corny/cringe as hell but Honeypie by JAWNY

78: How can you win my heart? havent thought about it

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

I TOLD YOU MY FOOT WAS KILLING ME

80: What is my favorite word? supercalifragilisticexpialadocious

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr Moots

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? your god is the right one [chaos]

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? Not currently, but my dad and some uncles were

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? Time manipulation

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? i dont think questions are scary

86: What is my current desktop picture? basic

90: Failed a class? classes

94: Had job? I have one now, dont always get paid though

95: Left the house without my wallet? Dont have a wallet

96: Bullied someone on the internet? no

98: Played on a sports team?

Unless school sport team counts

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? no

104: Been overweight? No

105: Been underweight? yea

106: Been to a wedding? ye

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Duh

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? maybe i dont remember

109: Been outside my home country? Technically im from iran, and i live in australia, so, yeah

110: Gotten my heart broken? i guess

111: Been to a professional sports game? no

112: Broken a bone? no

113: Cut myself? yeah Im stopping though

114: Been to prom? we dont have that

115: Been in airplane?

Yeah

116: Fly by helicopter? no

117: What concerts have I been to? none

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? kinda

119: Learned another language? I know arabic and english

120: Wore make up? Forced to when i was younger but not anymore

123: Dyed my hair? Part of it purple, but its gone now

124: Voted in a presidential election? Cant vote, eitherway all of em suck

125: Rode in an ambulance? Yep

126: Had a surgery? not sure, memory bad

127: Met someone famous? Not that i know of

128: Stalked someone on a social network? mutuals tumblrs

129: Peed outside? Yea

130: Been fishing? nope

131: Helped with charity? yep

132: Been rejected by a crush? nope

133: Broken a mirror? Yep

134: What do I want for birthday? Wouldn't ever happen because it's expensive as fuck but a pump it up machine

i usually get a slice of cake tho

[josephtrohman]

Do you have any Joetrick recs?

kicking my feet twirling my hair blinking my big wet eyes at you holding u gently in my arms so on and so forth...i Am still working on a real full fics recs page but it's like a bigger job than i expected so idk when i'll be done it ...anyways maybe one day but for now here are my favest faves :^) sorry it's a lot and i kind of said too much BGDJKGBDHJGB, CLEARLY im very passionate (also no matter what i do the formatting keeps getting messed up lmfao sorry.)

combinatorics by heyginger. patrick is in luvvv with joe when joe starts online dating during tour, and basically tension and feelings and etc etc ensue. the first time i read it i was like running around my house and squealing out loud and everything bc it's just that perfect, and it really only gets better upon re-reading bc you pick up on little things you didn't notice the first time! the tension and the misunderstandings are, at times, painful and you really feel everything patrick is going through, but it really keeps you on your toes! i feel like the characterization is perfect in this and i just can't get enough. also this is the fic i read to my partner (if you are a true josephtrohman fan and saw the post HAHAHAH), he really enjoyed it and is interested in me reading more of my favs to him bc of it, so it even has the normie stamp of approval ;)

hedonism by rosiedoesfic. patrick is in a toxic relationship with pete, but patrick and joe begin an affair and it leads to a mess of feelings and fighting and etc etc. it's angsty and it hurts and everything like that but god it's also sooo brilliantly written. rosie has this amazing gift of writing the voices so realistically, including and especially the complexities of joe's inner monologue! i mean not that i know joe’s inner monologue irl obviously but it feels so realistic…this fic a punch in the gut to read, and obviously i prefer when fob are like Friends rather than fighting but this fic is insanely beautiful that i can look past that preference of mine lol. one of the fics i've re-read the most because it's been a fave for a long time. so so so heart-achingly GOOD.

thnks fr th knckers by rosiedoesfic. a pair of panties gets thrown on stage at a show, and the floodgates open essentially, with patrick at the centre of it, grappling with finding it hot and also thinking it's weird basically. because of this internal dilemma, the tension (sorry i don't have a better word it's always tension lol) is like soooo perfect, like patrick fighting it but he can't UGHGHBG. it's a little naughty obviously but with some real plot and this is probably the singular fic i've reread the most throughout my life!!! i'm not even normally into panty kink stuff (not a problem with it, it's just something that's never been like a big turn on for me or anything) but this fic is AMAZING.

above are my three favest faves EVER and i go absolutely nutso for them, as you can tell!! i kind of cycle through the three of those for which one i call my all time favourite depending on my mood <3 if you only are interested in reading some of these, PLEASE PLEASE read the above three!!! i could go on forever and ever about them and just really leave this reclist there at those three, but just cuz i loveeee to talk about fic i'll touch on some others

in general, you really can't go wrong with any of rosie's fics!! i've read literally every single joetrick fic she's ever written and all of them are amazing, seriously very much our joetrick queen (hi rosie if you're reading this <3). some specific highlights for me in her catalogue include fairytale of new york (a really neat holidays fic with a hint of magic, i just re-read it the other day even tho it's july and it's so so so good) and technology (another fic written for the same prompt as combinatorics, all about online dating and catching feelings!! ughhhh amazing). i also would be remiss to NOT mention the world's not waiting which has an almost legendary status in joetrick/fob world, and rightfully so bc it's SOOO good and sweeps you away and then you blink and your whole day was spent just reading this fanfic lol...and it's been on a bit of pause BUT rosie has promised she's planning on resuming when she has time so better get to reading it so you're ready whenever there's the next update anon ;)

heyginger's got some other great ones too but there are only i think like 2 other joetrick fics on heyginger's page (both are shorter but SOOOO GOOD - bdsm and good fortune. since they're shorter i'll let the fics speak for themself!)

ok ok now for a couple outside of just gushing about rosie and heyginger BGDHBGHJDB. im going to keep the descriptions etc to a more minimum cuz im losing steam but. yeah ;)

my heart goes with you by likeasugarcube. prom fic with amazing smut, this is one of the first joetrick fics i remember reading as a teen and i always keep coming back to it!

intensity by likethepaint. perfect lil fic about patrick's temper, or rather, patrick's intensity, and stuff basically, and no further spoilers :) but really good!

there is no natural religion by carleton97. short and a lil smutty, and i'll leave it at that :)

brace yourself and find a safe place by distortedmya. amazing fic about joe coming out as an adult, and it's soooo sweet <3

summer of like by heartofthesunrise. yes it may be the petekey title but it more focusses on j+p with some petekey drama off to the side that ends early on actually if i remember correctly. so dang sweet and the way the writing places you in the ambiance is kind of magical (i first read it in the winter and reading it truly felt like it was summer!)

sorry if this is a lot. i didn't expect to pop off but hi. the way this is me holding back a bit too, im crazy and you all know it GDBHBDHJBGDJBJ. clearly im passionate about this topic and i hope you enjoy my recs!!!!! and dont find me too annoying dear anon hahahahah

[j2zara]

YAAAAAAY EHEH I GET TO SEND YOU A BUNCH OF ASKS 💖💖💖💖💖(<- these ones are just me being excited)

💖📥👀📊🍰🌝💻🧠

HIIIII SORRY THIS TOOK ALL DAY im so exhausted which is why i feel like my answers are not the best but here u go

💖 What do you like most about your own writing?

Argh…. Ngl i sent this one to more than one person in the circle of perverts bc I want to force ppl to say nice things abt themselves and now i gotta do the same thing. I feel like my answer before this year would’ve been my dialogue!!!!!!! Like. I do think i’m good at that. It’s hard to even say that because I feel like when I do enjoy a good quip and i feel like whenever i reread my original stuff im like “oh. I’m so marvel brained”. I don’t think dialogue is my strength in cloneverse tho.  At least. I don’t think it stands out. But otherwise that’s what i would land on.

Maybe it’s bc i’ve been in a very sorry for myself slump lately bc my current wip is giving me such a struggle but i don’t even know. Before now and my latest wip driving me crazy I would’ve said. Maybe coherence or theming? Like i don’t even know if thats a thing i CAN say like is it possible to be good at themes? Sorry im being so hard on myself rn I think if i were to look at my writing i would say i think it’s halfway decent but i don’t know the answer to the question…

📥 What is your fave fic to receive comments/messages on?

Oh this is an interesting one. For such a long time the answer would’ve been my old Talentswap fic for DR, tbh it always was like. Surprising and honestly kinda nice to get like a random comment of someone being like ‘hey i just discovered this! Sad its not updating but i really enjoyed it!” something like that. And I think b/c it was multichap it was very interesting and different when ppl were reading Almost for sure.

My secret weird answer is IYWD. Like. I’m at peace with the fact that its practically dead and nobody is gonna find it again i guess but a small part of me still considers it my favorite thing i’ve done in a long time so nobody does comment anymore but. That would be the thing i secretly kinda want. I’ll take literally anything tho obviously i love anybody that ever comments on anything.

👀 Do you have any WIPs that you would never let see the light of day? If yes, what are they about?

I have a Love is Blind au for a fandom I’m not gonna mention. Idk i might’ve mentioned it somewhere but eh. Its like ten chapters but only the first 5-ish are done i’m kinda 

And i’ve talked abt this this isn’t really a. Like. Oh I’m hiding this forever thing but. I have a DR Togakure hookup fic that’s written like. To take place during a naegiri wedding like in the post first game canon. And it is one of my favorite things i’ve ever written even tho it is smut, ngl my friends have been trying to convince me to post it and i might but im genuinely terrified nobody is gonna read it and im gonna be. Sad about it

📊 Current number of WIPs

Lol um… lj3porter fic. I’m two sentences into twelfth night coded j2 wooing Jace for Porter fic. Unfinished creeper Jace + j2porter fic…  a Jace topping Zara zarajaceporter fic. A fic that is in the IYWD verse that’s like a prequel that’s normal SB related. And if we could old fandoms I have semi abandoned talent swap (the ch 3.3 doc is like 10k lmao). Love is blind au.

If we’re counting original projects. My fantasy pseudo taming retelling. Horror comedy / locked room mystery called Date / Die. I have a. Sports romance (don’t look at me). And my weird lofty rom com thing that is this decade spanning story and used to be abt a “platonic” romance but idk I was like. They’re best friends they’re the most important ppl in the world to each other and they like having sex does that make this a normal romance. Maybe. Maybe not.

So ten. Yikes.

🍰 Name one of your fave comfort fics (doesn’t have to be your all time fave).

This is such a weird pull b/c i haven’t read it in years but Wing Man is a Bokuaka fic thats one of my fav of all time that makes me so happy idk its so like. Sweet and tbh i feel bad i never commented on it i really should bc they deserve to know i still think about it. but i just don’t reread fic all that often even my favs.

Actually that’s a lie i just remembered! I’ll cite something recent and i’m a little shy to cite something from the circle of perverts but also this is completely sincere i know i jokingly call @innskeep bambi’s LJ3 fic the perfect piece of fiction all the time but i do reread it… I just like them. I think it’s really cute and i like my little guys…  I love getting J3’s pov so much like i genuinely think its so comforting and special…

🌝 Who is one character you haven’t yet written for that you would like to?

I won’t lie I have a total DurDawn soft spot so like. I do think it wouldn’t fun to write something small for them. Also fucking hilarious as zukkacore that I’ve never written zukka and like. In my heart I would like too but they’re almost too precious for that? It’s hard to explain. Actually another answer might be for Mailee I actually think Mailee is soooooo underrated as a ship bc they have so much potential to be good for each other that wasn’t able to foster under azula’s thumb so I like that slightly toxic edge 

💻 Do you do research for your fics? What’s the deepest dive you’ve done?

I do a little bit of research but honestly not at much as i should. Last super deep dive i did was on the different filipino mythologies and history throughout the different regions bc ithink that subject is so interesting. but that has nothing to do with the sb circle that was for my own stuff. Lately I had to look up a little bit of elvish for something sb related lol. im such a fake fan of LOTR i love it but i’ve never actually read the books

🧠 What’s an idea you have that you can’t quite call a WIP yet?

A few! I’ve talked abt Jace hireling au I think that would be fun. And I joke abt Clone gamechanger au all the time and I SAID I wanted to try and make it work so like. Maybe. I’d love to try clone gamechanger au i think its funny and cute and i wanna do something indulgent.I feel like i’m forgetting something. Jess has real estate in j2porter vegas roleplay so i kinda wanna try maybe doing J2porter 50s housewife roleplay as a sort of sequel? I still like the idea of doing a You’ve Got Mail Shop Around the Corning fic. And. I feel so so so so indulgent wanting to write LJ3 stuff but like i just like them. I don’t know what i would wann write for them but i just like them

[ofmermaidstories]

1. No, self-insert for me tends to indicate an oc, or an otherwise named protagonist, while xreader is the reader, and will be referred to in the 2nd person

2. I don’t really think it’s polite to criticize a fic directly to the author unless they request it. If it is like, a tumblr post, I would generally say it would also be kind of rude, but also, if it is one of those fics that is super popular/well-known in the fandom, I think it would be fair to be like “I don’t really like X fic bc of Y reason” and leave it at that. But personally i’d probably just say it wasn’t really the vibe i was looking for or something more neutral. In general if you don’t like a fic tho, you should keep it to yourself

3. I never finish WIPs and the main point they tend to get abandoned at is when I get bored or have to make the connection between two cooler parts. I have v bad adhd. Usually i just like to take ideas and rotate them around in my brain for a few weeks. They rarely make it beyond there lol

omg i was talking about this the other day, with some friends, like—what does an x reader need in order to be rightfully counted as one? and for me it’s a reader-insert when there’s no like, legal name attached to the character—and there’s second-person POV. i think the 2nd-person POV is crucial for the… intimacy you need, to insert on. butttt maybe that’s a discussion for another time, lmao.

this is a little bit of a repeat of what i said to anon before, but like—i think the biggest problem with trying to critique a fanfic (unasked) is that… do you as the critiquer know the difference between recognising opportunity to strengthen a piece, vs. it just not being for you? like sometimes yeah, you just have to accept you’re not apart of the audience. my interest in the Big Fics, though, like the cornerstone, defining fics, is when they’re written in a way that makes them almost comparable to like, proper stand-alone stories? I think if they’re trying to be more ambitious than say, a smut one shot where you go in already knowing the setting and the characters and they know each other, then you kinda already have to look at it with a different lens? 🧐 Not to keep using H**** P***** as an example but All the Young Dudes is so incredibly popular that if i had read the fic (i only know about it bc its so popular lmao) I absolutely would feel comfortable enough dissecting it like I would commercial fiction—between the piece itself sort of treating itself like a book, I do think the popularity is almost a shield, LOL. Like… at that stage, you’re no longer punching down, you know? Whereas if I was to pick a random fic that got like, 80 kudos over five chapters, and its writer had a following of like, idk, 200 people, then that would be. and we don’t punch down!!!! we only punch up, bc then they give us a worthy fight. 👊🏽😈✌🏽 (im… half joking LMAO)

honestly tho, the hardest part of writing is like—writing. 😭 doing all the fiddly parts!! chipping away at it even when it’s boring, because you like—have to build up the connection to the fun part. 💀 it’s almost exhausting sometimes, actually… so i relate. 🥺 do you have any ideas you really, really desperately want to see on paper (on screen)? because for me the main driving force is literally just the promise of eventually—eventually—getting the satisfaction of being able to see it done and completed. like… literally, sometimes it’s the only thing that motivates me enough to work through what sometimes feels like stripping skin off of my back LOL.