#im already a severely depressed artist

[witchlenore]

I'm going to have to block the ai tag in every way I can, as a creative who has always dreamed about being able to actually work selling my art I just find it all heartbreaking and I've had at least two panic attacks about the way ai is being sent after our art, our writing, our narration, our very appearances, and I just can't do it ok? I am already barely making it from day to day.

[yan-li]

Hello.

Im sorry for coming like this. I’m opening Emergency Commission slots.

The commissions are going to be upper body illustrations for wallpaper use in a special price. They are also full-color. 20 slots before end month.

https://ko-fi.com/c/3b5b845c9c

I really need new glasses, they are 8 years old already and they are very damaged. Today they fall from my face several times and my younger students almost step over, the structure is peling and I can barely see trough them. They are falling apart.

I stoped doing commissions when I was hospitalized so between that and my college tesis my depression between other things I wasn’t able to return. I’m very short of money and I was working in other little gigs. I’m also a art teacher so I don’t get paid a lot in my job. So if you can help this poor sight artist I will be very grateful.

[shirohige-pirates]

Birds of a Feather

CisFem Reader x Marco

CW: Violence, blood, language, adult themes and scenes. 18+ only

Summary: Life has not been kind to you. After a string of bad relationships, you're a little jaded and a little depressed in all honestly. The worst day of your life seems to be the turning point, but the roller coaster ride that follows could either throw you soaring free, or have you caged forever?

Chapter 12: The Firebird

Getting out of the car, you already saw Kid leaning against one of the bay door frames. The day was barely started and he was already covered in grease, shop uniform giving way. Knowing him he’d been working all night and hadn’t slept yet, versus having gotten up early enough to be in that state.

“Usopp here yet?” You call out, heading up to the shop proper, Marco coming up behind you.

“Yep,” Kid answers, squinting against the morning light as he cleans his hand up a little with a rag that’s seen brighter days. “Only just got here though, so you haven’t kept ‘im waiting much, Mouse.”

You roll your eyes and jerk your thumb toward Marco. “Eustass Kid, Newgate Marco,” you step aside as Marco steps up. “Marco, Kid.” You say, finishing your lazy introduction.

“Pleasure.” Marco says, taking Kid’s mostly de-grimed hand and giving it a shake.

“Sure thing.” Kid tilts his head toward the parking lot. “That yours?”

Marco looks back at his car and smiles as he looks back at Kid. “It is.”

“… Lemme put her up on a rack so I can get a good look at ‘er and I got a hood arm for you, no other charge.” Kid offers, still squinting against the light. Looking back and forth between the two of them you realize Marco’s the only person you know who could look Kid in the eye, damn giants.

Somehow Marco looks smaller than Kid, but probably because he’s not nearly as broad.

Marco looks to you and you smile. “I’m not gonna lie, I’ll be under the rack getting my fill too, if you’re okay with it.”

Marco chuckles. “Alright, it’s a solid deal, yoi.” He admits. “I’ll bring the car up. That bay?” He asks, pointing to one that looks like it has a lift in it.

“Yup.” Kid answers, his tone a little more friendly and a little less business.

“I’ll go talk to Usopp while you do that, and get things rolling.” You state, heading into the shop proper to find your car and Usopp.

The young artist is setting up his gear near your car. You start to say something to him, but the sight of your car catches your attention. In several pieces to make it easier for the paint job, everything has been reworked. If it wasn’t for the distinct body style and design of the interior, you’d almost wonder if it was your car.

“We either replaced or refurbished just about everything.” A familiar voice says from behind you. Looking over you see the wild blonde hair of Kid’s childhood friend Killer, one of the co-owners of the shop, poking out from behind the frame of a van with flames down the side of it. He turns to get a better look at you, lifting up his welding mask and giving you a smile.

“We kept what we could, but strictly original parts barely make up 10% of her now.”

“Did you guys redo the entire frame then?” You question, giving a wave to Usopp as Killer comes over to walk you through what they did to the car.

“Just about. You didn’t have near as much rust as we expected to find. Kid might not say so, but you took care of her really well, honestly. The engine had to be scrapped. There wasn’t enough machining to save it, and truthfully, the newer engines are just far too efficient.” Killer starts pointing at a few places while he explains. “Replaced all the clips and lines, new brake assemblies and tires. You got that sky blue base color, so we went with white for the interior. You had that dingy 70s silver before, so Kid didn’t think it was too different to bother saying something before hand.”

“Nah, white’s fine. It’ll be a challenge to keep clean, but y’all do detail jobs, right?”

“A-yup. Heat an’ Wire mostly, but I don’t think you’d hear a single complaint if this was the car they were cleaning.” Killer continues on. “Left the manual windows, and there’s an emergency release for the seat, but we did add fully adjustable controls to the seats.”

“Oh, programmable?” You prompt and Killer tilts his head.

“Here Kid was worried you’d be irritated by technology invading your precious time-capsule.” Killer grunts and you wave him off. “Yeah, you can put things were you want and save three different settings, so have fun with that. It’s still good old fashioned key-bound entry,” he continues on. “Kid says since you won’t have to worry about jumping her with the new, well, everything, that we could set you up with one of those magnetic keys for extra security if you wanted?”

“Hmm, I’ll have to think about it. Restored like this I’m going to have to get a new coverage policy, that’s for sure. It’d be cheaper on my end with the added security of a fancy key like that. Any chance I could have three for this car?”

“Three keys?”

You nod. “For now, one for me, one for the shop, and one for my house, in case I lose the one I keep with me.”

Killer tilts his head a little, and then nods. “I don’t see why not. I think we can order up to four for a single ignition without raising any concerns.”

“Perfect.”

“Whaddya think of her now, Mouse?” Kid asks, coming over to where you are with Marco not far behind.

“I think I’m going to go kick Victoria’s tires if you don’t stop calling me that.” You grumble.

Kid snorts. “Yeah, well, don’t kick Vicky’s tires, or your new car’s tires.” He warns. “Steel-belted, you might actually break a toe.”

“Hells Kid, are the windows bullet proof too? The security on this is already high enough as it is.” You tease, and Kid seems to consider.

“I mean, they could be.” He muses.

“No, no, that’s -,” you pinch the bridge of your nose and shake your head. “Thanks Kid, you guys did a great job.”

“Of which you had no doubt.” Kid retorts. It’d be arrogant, but he and the guys have the skills to back up his statement.

You smile and sigh, seeing no reason to give him an actual response. You turn to Usopp and give him a smile. He’s the only person in the entire shop that isn’t towering over you, it’s refreshing.

“Let’s talk design, Usopp.” You begin cheerfully. “The faster we get on the same page the faster I can look under Marco’s car’s skirt.” You hear Marco cough as Usopp laughs. Pulling a paper out of your pocket you unfold it and hand it off to Usopp. “I was thinking this kind of design.”

Usopp looks at it, looks to your car, and looks back at it. “That’s the original insignia design for the most part, isn’t it?”

You nod. “The expansion of the tail feathers would be unique, and I was thinking, one chain could go down each side of the car, and the third could come down through the headlight assembly?”

He tilts his head and looks back and forth again. “Yeah, I can see it. Do you know what colors you want to go with?”

“I think so. So if we do the outline of the wings in a kind of teal, with a metallic gold accent? I was thinking maybe a less metallic gold and more of a… hmm… dandelion gold for the chains.”

“Hm… rimmed in the metallic gold would be a nice touch.” He offers.

“Ooooh, yeah, that would. If the clear coat was a gloss finish too and not matte that would add to it.” You agree.

You’re too distracted with Usopp to notice, as Marco covers his face with a hand, listening to the two of you talk. Kid notices, looking over at him for a second before looking back at you. He keeps his voice low.

“You alright?”

“Huh? Oh - yeah, yeah. I’m good.”

“Wait, what if we invert the gold and yellow on the chain?” You prompt, and Marco makes a strange pained sound only Kid hears.

“You sure?” Kid presses a little. “If you’re going to hurl in my shop, step outside first.”

“No, I’m fine, yoi.”

Kid’s eyes narrow for a moment, and he seems about to say something when his eyes go wide.

“Oi, Mouse, I’m borrowin’ your boy toy for a minute.” He barks, grabbing Marco’s collar and pulling him away from everyone else.

“Hey, hey, don’t you-!”

“It’s alright.” Marco says, waving you off and giving you a smile as he and Kid go to the other side of the shop.

Your face twists a little, but Killer pats your shoulder. “I’ll keep an eye on ‘im, stay focused with Usopp for a bit.”

“Yeah, thanks Killer.” You murmur, turning back toward Usopp after giving Kid and Marco one more glance. Kid didn’t look happy, but Marco didn’t look bothered, so you did your best to pull your attention back to Usopp.

“The phoenix?!” Kid hisses, caught between disbelief and anger. “You’re Marco the gods-damned phoenix?!”

“Was.” Marco answers flatly. “Twenty years ago. Been a vet for over a decade.”

“The Whitebeard pirates were legendary.” Kid states. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, unsure of what to say. Caught between admiration and disbelief, he finally settles on the only thing that’s coming to mind for him. “Is she in danger?”

“No one’s been safe since Roger tried to right the world.” Marco answers a little more sourly than he means to. “But in danger because of me? No, not so far as I know. We stopped being pirates and the government stopped being a problem. Less trouble to just leave us be, yoi.”

“… Are you really immortal?” Killer asks, looking over his shoulder and giving a thumbs up before turning his attention back to the other two.

“I age,” Marco replies, tilting his head a little. “Past that, I don’t know. Nothing’s even so much as left a scar on me, yoi. But I’m not exactly testing the limits of things by taking care of cats and dogs.” He’s quiet for a moment, rubbing the back of his neck. “I haven’t talked with her about this yet, so I’d prefer-.”

“I’m not going to snitch,” Kid grumbles. “Talking about that stuff’s gotten fuckin’ touchy over the years, and considering mine keeps the shop running smooth I ain’t so stupid as to go around yappin’ about someone else’s business.”

“Happy to have your understanding.” Marco says quietly.

Having finished with Usopp, you came over to the other three, looking a little tentative until Kid waved you over directly.

“We all good?” You prompt, looking from one set of eyes to the next.

Marco smiles. “Exceptionally.”

You narrow your eyes a little and Marco looks taken aback for a second before you turn on Kid. “You didn’t go and do that whole big brother routine, did you?”

Kid rolls his eyes. “The hells would I go and do that? Yer doc’s alright.” He grumbles. “Let’s look under this car before Usopp paint’s the whole damn shop teal an’ gold.”

He pauses for a second, and turns and looks at you. “What made you pick those colors anyway?”

“I don’t know,” you admit, looking back over your shoulder at your car. “Just seemed right.”

[notcatherinemorland]

things that are new with me, o! tumblr diary

holy shit i didn't think the death of my grandma would hit this hard

watching frasier with my mother. she used to watch it with my dad. we have the same bark of laughter. i feel very bad for my mother

no literally my mum is having the worst 2 months of her whole goddamn sodding life and i am just stood here like 'i gotta write about jane eyre, stay alive until february please'

i have an ear/sinus infection and want to rip my face off. also the antibiotic schedule has massively retriggered a really specific anorexia behaviour i thought i'd kicked for good. i am not vibing, quackidee

ive depression session watched 5 seasons of cop show ninty nine. its surprisingly funny. ive also started writing a fanfic that is several layers of absolutely demented choice. but it could be funny. (fake dating undercover case fic!au and it's got a whole op ed about asexuality in there. its gonna be insane if i finish this)

bought 100 faber castell pencils bc they were 55% off and therefore a stunningly good deal. they aren't lightfast / artist pencils, but im going to draw my dnd oc with them and have a fuckin ball about it

i am one poor week of health away from walking up to a&e and sitting there until they tell me whats wrong with me. aside from the sinus face removal thing.

there is also, like, so much more going on with me, to be clear, but contrary to my portrayal of myself online here, i do actually have boundaries. but like holy shit. 2023 was the worst year of my fucking life, but 2024? it's day 5 and it can already rot in hell. jesus fucking a. somehow it is worse and bad also!

[cassthefrassreviews]

Wednesday- Netflix Show Review (spoilers duh)

Alright, i watched the show. Did i like it? Eh!! Will i still participate in fandom? Yes!

Show rating: 3 stars??

Right off the bat you can tell the only good actor in this show is the main character. Jenna Ortega 100% did this role amazingly, and was my second favorite character (first being Thing ofc). Everyone elses acting ranged from mid to just straight up not good? Not to mention like jesus the cast either looks 12 or late 20s, is this highschool, middle school or college?? And dont get me started on the MAIN MALE LEADS ACTING??? Tyler played by Hunter Doohan, deadass sounds like a shitty anime dub protagonist. And by GOD did that get on my nerves. I will say either the acting is better or more tolerable by the end of the season but thats most likely due to the fact the screen time mainly shifts onto the main character Wednesday. Which im fine with.

I love Wednesday, i love her so much. She is so autistic coded, just like me for real. Jennas portrayal is amazing. Line delivery, body language, everything down to the tea for amazing it was.

The writing...... yeah the writing..... yeah no..... Its not great, it feels like they only focused on making Wednesdays lines good and give 0 shits about anyone else. Some moments are great i wont lie, but alot of the writing comes off as???? Eh??? And the actors definitely didnt help carry the writing. Maybe with a different cast, it wouldn't have been so hard to watch.

The show starts off with a very strong pallet of "how do you do, fellow kids?" and honestly has one of the worse hooks ive ever seen. Social media being shoved down are throats and a couple of ad placements throughout the first episode, i was expecting a full on "HEY BUY THE LATEST IPHONE, EAT SOME DORITOS AND SHOP AT OLD NAVY" type of ads like the Addison Rae movie. Like oooooooooooof, thankfully they tone that down, but its still very obvious in some scenes.

SPOILERS BELLOW

Shows like this always make me feel weird where they have "outcast" "normie" type stuff. And yeah it was.... ?????? Man idk lmao. This show did alot of stereotypes and ???? stuff?? throughout it, that was honestly very weird? Like for example Enid isnt able to transform into a werewolf, and her mom wants to send her to.... wait for it.... CONVERSION THERAPY??? Are we serious??? And its like this long awkward scene that felt like a coming out scene of her turning down conversion therapy, and her mom storming out and her dad saying how proud he is and he will always support her....... like deadasss???? AND THEN!!! SHE ENDS UP "WOLFING OUT" AT THE END ANYWAYS????? So like are you serious??? They dealt with it like it was a coming out thing and it was a puberty thing and alsoa disability, so that was icky!!!

A HUGE ICK IS IN THE ENDING???? We find out what a hyde is and all of a sudden Wednesday finds out that Tylers mom, oh my god, was a HYDE!!! So she confronts him and let me just quote this scene for yall"

Wednesday: "Her postpartum depression triggered her condition"

Tyler: "My mom has severe bipolar disorder."

Wednesday: "We both now thats a lie..... She was a Hyde"

LIKE DID WE REALLY???? DID WE REALY JUST COMPARE A SEVERE MOOD DISORDER TO A CREATURE???? IN THE SHOW A HYDE IS DESCRIBED AND "UNLEASHED" By this: "artists by nature, but equally vindictive in temperament.” He wrote: “Born of mutation, the Hyde lays dormant until unleashed by a traumatic event or unlocked through chemical inducement or hypnosis."

Like???? what we arent going to do is compare an already severely stigmatized disorder to a literal monster. That is so fucked up??? On so many levels????

There were a couple good moments in the show, and i did really like watching the friendship between Enid and Wednesday blossom. Any scene with Thing was good and also the scenes with Eugene were pretty adorable. I do enjoy the way she does investigate and the mystery aspect is semi solid. Her visions are also portrayed very well and i like them. The fight scenes i would say are pretty well choreographed.

Wednesday has alot of autistic / neurodivergent traits, along with alot of the other characters and that is very fun to watch. Because omg me? Very relatable! Does put the whole "outcast" "normie" thing in a weird perspective tho huh?

Anways would i watch it again? No

Will i watch the second season? Yeah probably!!

Do I recommend it? EH??? If you can get through the first two episode and look past the cringey/ unbearable acting, then yeah go ahead. Its only 8 episodes, i finished it in a day, so if you just want the show in the background or youre bored sure. Again there are some captivating scenes but honestly none that are very hooking to me.

Anyways thats my review !!!

[sunflowergarland]

thought i’d introduce myself bc why not:

(probably will be updated as i think of/get into more things)

name: freya (not my real name)

age: 17

gender: (afab) honestly not sure rn, though i want to experiment with using she/they or they/them

sexuality: i have no idea right now but i think im bi??? someone please help me out with this hsjsjsjsk

occupation: highschool student with a tendency towards writing and theatre

hobbies: language learning (currently focusing on French), a bit of art (not great at it), singing/choir

random:

i seriously think i might be adhd or autistic (or i might just be misremembering the symptoms of the depression i KNOW i have)

i literally never stop singing

my dream is to write a series as well loved as harry potter or the lord of the rings or the chronicles of narnia

but i can never finish a wip

i’m joining my church’s adult choir in january!! dream come trueeee

i’ve sung with my youth choir for several shows in Branson, Missouri (and even had a couple of solos!)

entertainment:

- movies/tv shows: harry potter, star trek tos, star wars

- books: the chronicles of narnia, unblemished (not sure this is technically a fandom yet but the books more than deserve a fandom)

- music: stray kids, bts, txt, ateez, fifty fifty, dreamcatcher, owl city, taylor swift, chung ha, enhypen, oneus, alisha liston, coldplay, a multitude of christian artists, probably a hundred more i’m forgetting rn

sports:

f1: mclaren, mercedes, williams, alphatauri, charles leclerc (not ferrari as a whole though)

f2: ollie bearman, frederik vesti

f3: dino beganovic, paul aron, nikola tsolov

f4/freca: kimi antonelli, conrad laursen, charlie wurz

european football: fc barcelona, tottenham hotspur

figure skating: ilia malinin, shoma uno, roman sadovsky, gage and oona brown, nathan chen, ekaterina kurakova, kao miura

i love to chat with people and make new friends so feel free to message me as long as you’re not a creep :)

i’m also trying to make this a writing blog of some sort but it’s already pretty disorganized sooooo getting a cohesive theme might take a while hehehe

anyway i think that’s all for now! love yall 💕✨

~~freya~~

[wehavekookies]

How did you first get into art? And how did you learn? Im beginning to learn drawing now and am excited/scared for the process

Oh hell yeah, there is a lot to be excited for! The ability to create an image out of what You carry in Your head is a super cool thing, so I hope You enjoy it <3 I don't think there is really anything to be scared of tbh, except that it takes time to get places, but what doesn't.

For me it was a three part journey. Part one was a classic "I've been drawing since i remember and then i went to art school" which in my case ended in me really disliking drawing to the point i convinced my teachers i should focus on photography actually, so i was doing that for a couple of years instead. Which from the perspective of time was quite useful, because I'm using tons from what i learned in photography field now and I appreciate all that, but back then i was was like: drawing sucks lol.

Part two was me having a massive depression episode in my 20s that put me out of the game for several years, but I needed some outlet to communicate and express myself, and drawing seemed perfect for it since it involved only me and a piece of paper, so I got back to it and was drawing maniacally for like two years until i got to the point I thought that maybe i can use it for something and went to take exams to Art Academy. And got rejected. I got pissed at drawing again, and instead went to filmschool, focusing on stop motion animation because fuck drawing but i still want to express myself somehow and i'm done with photography so lets try some different medium. I benefited TONS from this decision, and I was still drawing some because storyboarding and designing, but it wasn't my main focus and i stopped thinking about it as of "my main thing".

Part three is me getting into fandom and roleplaying spaces in the internet. It's 2011 and I'm almost 30 in this story already, so I did took my time lol, but I just discovered that people are doing KICKASS illustrations for media they enjoy and characters they imagined and that this is like, A Whole Thing. I started doing this and it turned out to be a really good place for sharing stuff, meeting people, talking about things i enjoyed etc etc, so i kept doing it making it my new little hobby this time, not a project i need to succeed in in any way and that seemed to work. And then it's June 2016 (I remember over which artwork it happened, hence the precise date) and I feel that i may be actually loving this, but omg it pisses me off i need so much time for each artwork and it still doesn't look like i want it to look, so you know what, let's actually try to make some conscious decisions about developing this skill, but on my own this time. I started to learn by watching other artists and trying out their methods and things they recommend, picking what i liked and dropping what didn’t work for me. And this is the part of the journey I'm still in now, but it's quite pleasant.

Sorry for the wall of text reply, but as You can see I was circling art and drawing for quite a bit to finally bite on it proper so it’s a layered answer haha. And also I read Your ask while i was chilling over my morning coffee so i fell into A Mood and it got long XD

Cheers and have a good day! <3

[slowdesire]

can u give me some recs from the discographies you're going through? your favorite ones, for example. if you're okay w it!!!!! i'm desperately trying to find new music these days

sure!!! a lot of what im listening to are artists and albums that are probably already well known. but ive just been late to the party for several of them :-) i'll list some down below

elliott smith - i started with the album either/or

pulp - i first listened to separations and it might be my favorite, but i recommend beginning with different class

club 8 - really love their album the friend i once had

eiafuawn - they only have one album but it's so good in my opinion

ethel cain - i really like her 2022 release preacher's daughter! haven't checked out the rest yet

alex g - ignore whatever he's tiktok famous for. i personally love beach music, then from there moved on to listen to house of sugar. trick is also great. im obsessed with watching his live performances

blur - i really enjoy 13, parklife, and their self-titled

casiopea - they have a live album called mint jams so i started from there and then put all their other songs on shuffle

carissa's weird - they have this really good (but depressing) album called songs about leaving

yumi arai - first album i heard was cobalt hour!

broadcast - really enjoyed the album work and non work, but tender buttons is more renown i think?

simon & garfunkel - started with sounds of silence

mojave 3 - ask me tomorrow is a great album!!

the stone roses - my friend recommended their album stone roses to me. i'm pretty sure it's a classic of some sort and i was just unaware for most of my life

a few other artists ive liked for a longer time but just put their entire discographies on shuffle: lush, beach house, duster, talking heads, cocteau twins, the national, frou frou, carpenters, hyukoh, mazzy star, lamp, faye wong, radiohead, the strokes, fleetwood mac, fka twigs, the cure, regina spektor, fiona apple, kate bush

some soundtracks i love: beyond evil ost, whisper of the heart ost, omori (original game soundtrack), genshin impact islands of the lost and forgotten (original game soundtrack), phantom thread ost, emma. ost

[logie-thefandomnerd]

So We're STILL supporting blogthegreatrouge???

Hello everyone. Im coming on here today to talk about blogthegreatrouge.

If you were in the Undertale fandom about 4-5 years ago you'd know exactly who they are. They are a well known artist, and back then they were mostly known because of their undertale art/series/aus, Examples: PJS daycare and Nerd and jock au. They've made plenty more but i cant name them all.

You may be thinking 'oh they seem cool and chill! They must've made great content right?'

No. Not even close. I was a fan of her when i was about 12-13, and i used to read her comics all the time. And until recently i forgot about them and when i remembered, i was hit with a horrifying reality.

I had supported/read comics from someone who Justified r4p3, 4bus3, P3doph1l1a, and 1nc3st, and also wrote a character in one her aus who was about 6 or under, almost commit su1c13d.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My refrences to each claim are as follows: Justifying/Romanticizing 4ss4ult

In a highschool au comic written by blogthegreatrouge, it involves two ship children of sanscest ships. Pallete (ink x dream) and Goth (geno and reaper) in this comic, i never found the first few pages, but the first page i read, was of Goth forcing himself onto pallete and having s3x with him with no consent. Afterwards its cuts to the next day. Like any sane person pallete tells goth that if he even tries to touch him, he'll scream. He then leaves Goth to his own pity party.

Here's where it gets more messed up. Goth takes a knife, and attempts to end his own life, only for pallete to find him and freak out.

After this happens, they justify/romanticize what goth did to him, and they start to date.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Next point, Justifying an abusive ship.

One of blogthegreatrouges more famous aus was definitely the NaJ (nerd and jock) AU. In this universe all au sans go to the same school. The main ship featured in this, is Paperjam x fresh sans. Repeatedly through the comic Paperjam is mentally almost physically abusive with him. He allows his friends to beat up fresh so 'he isn't revealed as soft' and then they tried to romanticize their relationship. So that's justifying abuse.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

NEXT POINT

P3dophilia/incest:

This one's pretty simple. They made several comics of Paperjam as a young child, being parented by ink and error. Fresh is his uncle, as he's error's brother.

Fresh gains a huge crush on Paperjam, and its very creepy. He sexualized the way the kid would eat his ice cream and he even ended up kissing him. All in all that's pretty fucked up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Next point

Pjs daycare

I enjoyed most of PJs daycare. It was the most wholesome thing that rouge had made. And if it didn't go the way it did I'd still love it. But it took a very dark and inappropriate time. Pjs daycare is an ask blog comic, so fans could control certain plotlines.

Error had gotteb very sick, which causedmuch drama between the other kids. Geno in particular. He was shown to already have major depression and suicidal thoughts thought he's six or under. And he eventually tries to commit

This is just inappropriate. Depression may have no age, but no 6 year old would go jump off a cliff,like what Geno was planning

This feels like an insult to suicidal people.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

These are the main points, on why Rouge is.a terrible person.

Not to mention they've made bucketloads of Sans p0rn and sexualized other fandoms im pretty sure

If you still support them knowing all they've done you need help. And i dont want to hear anyone talked about how it was 5 years ago. It doesn't justify what they've created. Especially for minors

They knew minors were in their audience. They never used any warning to keep minors away. So many of us kids were gullible thinking these comics were good, and that the message was great. You couldn't be more wrong if you think that.

[ghosthan]

hello!! i saw that you made a lot of stuff for 1872 and i was wondering if 1872 tony is similar to regular comics tony?? i know mcu and comics tony are different and i want to get into 616, but if 1872 comics are more easy to read i might try those first! 😅

Hello, hello! 

Thank you for asking, and sorry it took me so long to get back to you! I wanted to think about it and put together a thoughtful response because I am desperately trying to convert MCU fans to 1872. Or comics fans who just haven’t gotten into 1872.

This post will contain some 1872 spoilers, but not the Big Spoiler that you probably already know about anyways. 

Anyways, let’s get into it. Yeehaw.

What is 1872? It’s Steve/Tony in the wild west.

1872 comics are very easy to read, very short, and you need absolutely no prior knowledge to get into them; I highly recommend these as a start point for MCU fans who are curious about dipping their toes into some of the other Steve/Tony universes. And 1872 is, indeed, a Steve/Tony universe. It’s really gay, (and dramatic.) Uh. So gay, in fact, that one of the comic artists who drew pages even occasionally shares Steve/Tony shipping memes. So.

Marvel 1872 is a four issue series released as a part of the Secret Wars event; you really do not need to know anything about this to enjoy 1872, because it is a self-contained alternate universe in a “pocket dimension”, meaning it’s totally separate from the 616 cannon but technically exists in the expanse of the multiverse!

Here’s the summary:

In the Battleworld zone of 1872, Sheriff Steve Rogers faces corruption and fear in the boom town of Timely. Can Anthony Stark pull Rogers' fat from the fire? Probably not, since the only thing he seems capable of pulling is a cork from a bottle. Things in Timely are bad, and getting worse — and when a stranger arrives in town, Timely will be changed forever.

Now, to compare “regular comics Tony”, or 616 Tony, with 1872 Tony.

The main difference? 616 Tony wears this sexy little under suit (or nothing) under his armor, like this:

And 1872 Tony wears dirty, stinky one-piece pajamas under his armor (not sexy):

He’s so gross, he’s a mess. I love him. You’ll love him, too. 

No, okay. Being serious.

 616!Tony’s backstory is a lot more complicated just due to how long the character has existed, and the decades of cannon (much of it self-contradictory at points.) Like MCU Tony, 616 Tony used to manufacture weapons, experiences something life-changing, and becomes who he is as a result of this as a catalyst. 616 Tony’s backstory has been rebooted a few times, and I’m definitely not the definitive source on Iron Man lore compared to people who have read all of his comics, but I’ll try to touch on the basics.

Originally, 616 Tony Stark is shaped by his experience in the Vietnam War. This is later rebooted and changed to war in the middle East (we see this in the MCU when Tony is held captive in Afghanistan.) In both circumstances, he is taken captive after being in the air for war technology, and then he creates the suit to save his own life (losing a beloved mentor in the process, the guilt of which stays with him after.)

Tales of Suspense #39

In 1872, Tony’s formative event is the Civil War in some ways, but in other ways, this is only half of it, because this is not the event which causes him to build armor or set him onto his “become a better person” trajectory, like in the other comics. Mainly, the Civil War functions to cause Tony to stop weapons manufacturing and throw his life away down a bottle.

We get a flashback of Tony in the year 1862 with his female companion, picnicking and about to watch a battle, (rich people from the North did this in real life. If you’re interested, read more here!) We don’t get much of his past, but we discover that he is a rifle manufacturer and that he has created something called the ‘Stark Repeating Rifle’, and it seems that he has done so with the hope of encouraging a cease-fire, more than a slaughter.

Well. We don’t always get what we ask for.

Tony vows to actually never touch a weapon ever again, and this personal oath means so much to him that he gets creative at times during 1872 when he’s being chased by baddies:

Witnessing the extreme bloodshed of the Civil War, and feeling responsible for a huge amount of deaths, Tony turns to drinking, (and presumably moves to the west to escape the Pain of his Past, but this is not shown explicitly on panel; I have assumed, though, that Tony’s weapons manufacturing company was in the East, probably Boston or New York, since he comes from family money and because the American West was still “young” at this point in time so it would be unlikely that an established business would be supplying a war from lawless territory with little infrastructure.)

In 616, it’s worth noting that Tony builds the armor to save himself from danger in a war scenario; this is not the case in 1872, things unfold a bit differently. The Civil War certainly sets in motion the chain of events that eventually lead to the creation of Tony’s armor, but he’s not in physical danger or physically traumatized by the war in this verse as he is in other verses, and 616 Tony seems to have a stronger sense of duty than 1872 Tony, but this might be a complication of the depression/apathy related to the alcoholism.

What I mean by this is that both iterations of Tony struggle with alcoholism, but differently. Mainly, while 616 Tony has several alcohol themed arcs, and hits rock bottom with his alcoholism to cope with his trauma, he is sober more than he is drunk in the comics. His drinking almost kills him, and he almost loses everything because of the drink. It’s a source of enormous shame for him.

In fact, during this time in 616, I think Tony at his lowest reminds me a lot of 1872 Tony; 616 Tony is not an apathetic person and he holds himself accountable for an obscene amount of responsibility, but during what is referred to in fandom as The Second Drinking Arc, Tony basically gives up. This is the most “like” 1872 Tony, at least at the start of his arc. Rhodey takes over the mantle of Iron Man, and 616 Tony spirals, not caring whether he lives or dies, not hero-ing certainly.

We see both versions of Tony express similar sentiments, a certain cavalier attitude about their lives (and outright suicidality at other points) with nothing left but the drink.

Iron Man Vol. 1 #182

Compare with:

And you can certainly see a resemblance between this set of panels from IM v.1 #176 and in 1872:

Iron Man Vol. 1 #176 and Marvel 1872 #1

It’s a little different in 1872, where his drinking really is purely a result of his existing despair, and it doesn’t cause enormous problems for him, (minor problems, sure. He spends a lot of time drunkenly singing to Sheriff Rogers, or bothering him from the inside of a jail cell.) But this Tony lives at rock bottom, whereas 616 Tony only stays at rock bottom long enough to get his life back together (as many times as it takes.)

This Tony really doesn’t show any outward shame about his drinking; presumably, the people he knows in Timely have only ever known Tony as a drunk, and none of the people from his old life are here to see him like this. 

This is a Tony who has essentially given up on himself and has moved out West to hide from his shame and his past; this is not a Tony who is scared of letting down his friends by drinking, or scared of shirking his “duty”, because this Tony has moved away from all of his friends and has given himself no duties. He’s a bit more apathetic, but I would argue that this is not because he inherently is a less moral version of Tony, but because in this verse, he was drinking for a very long time and circumstances unfolded differently so it took him a longer time to find that sense of purpose and responsibility (beyond just shutting down manufacturing guns,) which is awakened in him by Steve Rogers. 

616 Tony’s sobriety is a major part of his character, and a conscious choice that he makes, even during some lowest points:

Civil War: The Confession

He takes some amount of pride in his sobriety, and when he does fall off the wagon at times (or magic makes everyone think he did,) it absolutely tears him up because 616 Tony cares very, very much about his sobriety and does not like who he is when he’s drinking. We do not know if 1872 Tony’s father had been a drunk or not, but we know 616 Tony’s father was, and that the drink lead to him treating Tony abusively.

Iron Man Vol. 1 #285 

Avengers Disassembled #1 (This was when ~magic~ made Tony drunk and it wrecked him breaking sobriety without ever having actually drank. Oof.)

616 Tony’s long struggle with alcoholism is a major part of his character and he has had relapses over the years and throughout the reboots, but in general, he does not drink.

1872 Tony starts drinking in 1862 and doesn’t stop until the last pages of the story, so in terms of the cannon we have for him, he is a current drunk, rather than a former drunk. This isn’t to say he doesn’t stop; but since it’s in the last page or so, it sets the reader up to imagine his sober future, rather than exploring his sobriety as 616 does. (Calling all fanfic writers!)

Anyways, both Tony’s are excellent. Both are damaged and traumatized, both are Iron Man in their own ways, both (eventually) find sobriety, both have some cute, quippy dialogue (though 616 Tony tends to be more reserved/polite for sure, in general). 

The last thing I’ll point out, is that both Tonys’ narratives are intertwined with and influenced by their respective Steve Rogers. I’m not saying soulmates but I’m saying soulmates.

Anyways. Sorry this post got super long, and I apologize if any of it is confusing or redundant, I am not functioning at my highest capacity currently. Please read 1872. Let it rock your world. Create & consume the fanworks, I would love to see a boom of 1872 content (more than the fics and art I keep making!) And my ask-box is always open!

[youmustinteract]

why wouldn't you date them but with your favorite ocs cause I wanna know more about them

OH THAT'S CLEVER

your wish is my command ☆w☆

RENNON - THE KNIGHT

i love a good wierdo, but he can be so jealous and insecure >>"

also, he -as a person- is in no shape to be in a relationship.

he needs therapy BAD!! he has a severe attatchment disorder, as well as social anxiety, general anxiety, depression, c-ptsd, just off the top of my head.. man. is. going. through. it.

ngl i feel exausted thinking about his emotions- i'm not even feeling them @_@

but i will see those emotions when he inevitably blows up cause i need my space. he has no concept of it when it comes to romantic relations.

the One benefit he has that everyone else on this list tho, is that his height doesn't make my stomache churn<3 he's 5'8! (the tallest in his region LOLLLL)

DAVID FAUST - THE DETECTIVE

look.. i like my privacy.

i know a detective has to be nosey, but after losing his two kids to a kidnapping he feels the near obsessive need to know Everything about Everyone he gives a shit about.

and while that's nice in theory, i do NOT accept people going thru my shit, and i know bc i'm ~mysterious~ he WILL bc in a relationship he'll b so worried..

i mean, if he found out certain things about me that would be warrented- but i can't with the boundary crossing

even if he's the prettiest dilf on the block 😔

also, he's an ex cop and was their star detective. as an interrogator..? all i have to say is good luck winning any fights against him. his word is his weapon of choice and he knows how to use it.

also also, he's 6'4. tall people intimidate me and he's justt past the precipice of me going chihuahua o_o"

ADAM - THE DEAD KING

dude is 7'6. that is enough for me.

also, WHITE white. -1 points. (i already argue with enough of my white friends on culture smh.)

MR GARRISON - THE DOCTOR

Adams uncle. honorary dilf. He's 7'11 9_9 "

Whiter than adam. lord help me im gonna go blind

he doesent give a fuck who you are, if he likes you or not. he's got plans and he's gonna follow them through.

which i understand, that's not the problem.

the problem is that he's a mad scientist and he'll fuckin do experiments on me if he finds i qualify >0<

he scares me soo much, especially cause we both act the same irl (cold, not very emotional, doesent interect with others unless interacted With- or as necessary)

he's got the sharpest glare too, my dumbass cant BEGIN to survive under his 12+ degrees (yes. degrees. this man takes college courses like vitamins)

which is a shame, cause he can't do p much any art medium and finds artists interesting..

(thirstily) fuck man,,,, FUCK!!!!

thanks for the ask~☆ *cries*

[60sgroove]

i was tagged by @bowiepop thank you maja 💜 

who was your first favourite artist? honestly it might have been chris brown 💀 either him or michael jackson...britney spears and avril lavigne were the moment too

who are your current favourite artists? tool and acid bath all day every day

are you into musicals? which ones/why not? some of them idk i like the ones catherine deneuve is in haha and animated musicals are cute

are there songs you consider so special you only listen to them very rarely? only ones that make me hella depressed

what’s your preferred way of listening to music? ive had pretty severe musical burnout for awhile now im not sure...and i keep fucking up my hearing

what would you say is the most niche music you listen to? uuhhhhh maybe i am misusing niche but i would probably say the gregorian chant stuff i listen to is pretty obscure LOL

what’s your favourite music related movie/tv show that’s not a musical? i cant think of any tbh!

albums or playlists? albums

favourite albums? i mean aenima by tool will always be up there...when the kite string pops by acid bath...self titled - the stone roses...lightfoot by gordon lightfoot but that is also depression music

is there an artist you’re trying to get into? not rn again i have serious musical burnout

whose music do you find overhyped? honestly a lot of artists i cant pick just one 

what’s an underrated song? listen to graveflower by acid bath lol

what’s a thing a bunch of songs do that you love every time? i like distorted sounds...also just folksy depression mood

what song is better acoustic? none i agree maja

what’s the worst song of all time? i just hate WAP with a passion so im going to go with that because its still relevant

do you put individual songs on repeat? yes all the time

do you make your own playlists? if so, what’s your most entertaining playlist title? i really dont bc i just skip through most songs until i find the one i actually want to listen to

headphones or earbuds? earbuds

do you always sing the lead vocal or do you harmonize sometimes? if you harmonize, do you ever invent your own harmony? i dont sing lol

a musical confession: ive already said it a million times but i have like listener’s fatigue/burnout and i think a lot of it is due to my hearing...it just makes me sad bc i cant listen to the music i want to all the time or i have to listen to it at a low volume

i will tag anyone who wants to do this!

[the-lightning-strikes-again]

Hi! Im new to the lotura fandom and im in season 5 rn but I’ve lowkey been spoiled abt how the series treats the ship in season 6-8 and im a little worried about continuing further :,)

Hi, obi-sweets! Ahh, welcome to the Lotura fandom and to the larger Voltron fandom as well! Lotura fandom is a fun little creative spot where most of us reject canon and play with transformative concepts, lol. So no matter what canon does, fanon (for any ship, really) can be a fun and engaging space. And Lotura fandom has lots of very talented writers and artists and community organizers to run things like ship weeks and fanzines. So I hope you enjoy your stay!

Season 5 was probably my favorite season overall—it got me into reading lotura fics, while season 6 got me into writing lotura to explore what could have been, lol. About watching s6-s8: VLD had problems with handling hard topics well before s5, and probably deserved at least a TV-PG rating from the start, even based on the show’s stated target audience. But I think s6-s8 just got so unnecessarily weird/nihilistic that people couldn’t forgive its ongoing problems anymore and felt betrayed by its TV-Y7-FV rating. And yeah, the later seasons definitely sink the lotura ship. I can understand your hesitance about watching further.

I think the good news for you is that if you choose to watch further, you’re already informed of what happens? If you go into these seasons knowing what to expect in terms of plot and tonal changes, that helps to offset upsetting emotion and may help you find things that you can also still enjoy. For example, there are various scenes I actually liked in season 6. And as a fan of several other characters and ships in the franchise, I even liked certain scenes in s7 and s8. So, depending on your other fandom interests, you might still find things that engage you in the later seasons or provide you with content to explore in a transformative, fanon context.

Also, if you choose to watch: The more emotional distance you can have with this show in general, the better. I even know some people who enjoyed the show all the way through. But if you in any way personally identify with Lotor or Allura such that you cannot separate yourself or your hopes/dreams out from them, I would be cautious on watching past Season 6, Episode 3: Monsters & Mana.

Ultimately, there’s zero pressure to continue watching VLD if you feel it’s in your best interest to quit at season 5 or even at s6, ep3. The show has really beautiful animation and great voice acting, but it’s not the end-all-be-all of life. You don’t have to watch the whole show to be a fan of Voltron or Lotura or anything else in the franchise. Your mental and emotional health is worth way more than seeing some animated drawings play out a shoddy version of All Quiet on the Western Front (not that I think the dev team intentionally borrowed from that book—there’s just a lot of depressing thematic parallels that reminded me of it, lol, which are echoed in other more higher rated space operas/mecha stories too).

No matter what you decide, lotura fandom will be here, and there is lots of really cool and uplifting fanon to dive into. Fanon is usually better than canon, anyway, and the good thing about a bad ending is that there’s a million ways to transform it. Thanks again for your note, and I hope this response helps in your decision!

[helthehatter]

So I watched a bootleg of Cats (2019).

And I wrote down my thoughts as I watched it. I will share them with you now:

•the blurry quality is both a blessing and a curse: the characters are blurry but you don’t see back ground characters until it’s too late

• the Rebel Wilson song consisted of me going NO NO STOP STOOOOP

• Jason Derulo closes his eyes and opens his mouth as his face gets near Victoria’s foot and then it cuts and it’s a horrifying edit.

• Why do I feel so fucking bad for Grizzabella stop acting Jennifer Hudson

• Jennifer Hudson sadly walking away on all fours was a level of comedy I didn’t know existed

• WHY is Munkustrap (my favorite character from the original) taking this so seriously oh my gawd he thinks this is fucking Shakespeare

• James Corden drank champagne in a way that made me look away from the screen.

• Also side note I fucking HATE how small they are! It just proves what we already know, no one on this production has even seen a cat

• WHY do I like Mr. Mistoflees and Victoria??? I’m not suppose to feel EMOTIONS when I’m watching this

• They really thought showing whatever hell spawn a dog would look like was too far. Take a note from your characters and go all the way you cowards.

• Before Idris Elba gets naked I want to say this movie did more with Macavity than the original musical did

• Rebel Wilson being thanosed SENT me

• Ian McKellen fucking meowed for no reason. I never felt so out of body in my life.

• Before they dance at one point they shake sporadically and I thought we were all having a group seizure.

• STOP MAKING ME FEEL SO BAD FOR GRIZZABELLA! Yeah I know STORY wise that’s the point but production wise you clearly are only suppose to know fear, shame, and lust.

• Musical remakes have this thing where they make a brand new decent song and...yeah I can’t complain I like Beautiful Ghosts

• It was bad enough that the Gus song was already the worst song in the original musical but Ian McKellen as a cat is a weirdly depressing sight.

• Old Deutromy or whatever the fuck the cat’s name is: *lifts her leg up* me: aaaaAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

• Why is Skimbleshanks dressed as a conductor inspired stripper? If he drops his pants I’m jumping out this window. And why does he have a mOUSTAAAAAAACHE?!?

• THATS NOT HOW SMALL CATS ARE I FUCKING HATE YOU

• SKIMBLE SPUN SEVERAL FEET INTO THE AIR AND THEN DISSAPPEARED IN A CLOUD OF RED DUST IM SCREAMING

• This is gonna sound weird but stay with me: Taylor Swift as a cat actually...kinda works? There’s something about her face that makes it look less uncanny than the others. And of course Macavity the BEST song in the musical is full of writhing twitching horny high cats who throw their crotches in the air. The only reason I wasn’t scared of cat boners was because the internet would have caught fire by now if it happened. (Also I’m pretty sure this was rated PG)

• WHY IS HE NAKED WHY IS HE NAKED WHY IS HE NAKED WHY IS HE NAKED WHY IS HE NAKED WHY IS HE NAKEF WHY IS IDRIS ELBA NAKED?!?!?!?!?

• What does a boat have anything to do with anything?

• Damnit I was happy that mistofolees saved Old Deut. Don’t make me feel GOOD things movie!

• Stop unzipping your fucking skin Rebel got DAMNIT

• What does it mean when you’ve gotten used to the faces?

• MEMORIES👏STILL👏FUCKS👏HARD👏

• WHY AM I HAPPY FOR JENNIFER HUDSON?!?!

• They really kept that stupid fucking thingy that sends Grizabella to Heaven. Is it a chandelier? A hot air ballon? We’ll never know

• I knew Old Deut was gonna look at me but FUCK I still nearly fell outta my chair! This is so upsetting I can’t meet her eye.

• So yeah I liked it. Can’t wait to watch it in HD Quality. Hell I might even buy it. It is my The Room, and ten years from now there’s going to be a Cats version of The Disaster Artist. Or a horror remake.

• Now I want to make videos with cute CARTOON cats singing these songs.

[marshmallowprotection]

Yes more custom mcs I'm off my artist block and now theres no stopping me from doing this

mJust a warning, this custom mc is…uh, triggery to say the least.

Triggers: Abuse, suicide, abusive relationships, depression, overall things like that (+Rika being manipulative) 

I can understand if you dont want to look at this, its not that heavy in terms of descriptiveness, its just mentions and stuff, excluding when its described of this mc being locked in a small dark closet without food for hours…and when her brother murders her father after he murders her other five sisters…;-;

This is also a match up request (im sorry, i know, this is like the third i have sent, i just like hearing other peoples ideas and stuff and whilst im thinking this  mc might be able to go with saeran…i dunno, saeran needs a rock and she needs a rock, idk if they can be rocks for each other, idk just with their trauma they might end up just hurting each other, plus uh suit saeran times…eek. that would just trigger her REALLY  badly considering its so similar to the “locked in closet without food in the dark” thing. since. during suit times. if following ray’s route. she would be locked in her room without food for two-ish(?) days…;-;)

Also yes unfinished sketch of her ^ kind of went with a lolita/victorian style for her, since Mint Eye gives lolita/victorian style fantasy vibes (Magenta is LITERALLY a castle, like, come on Rika, did you have to make it so obvious?). 

Full Name: Sayaka Yamato

International Age: 21 (AS) 22 (OS)

Korean Age: 22 (AS) 23 (OS)

Nicknames: Madi (Yoosung, Zen, Jaehee)

Koko (By Seven)

Blood Type: AB+

Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual

Marital Status: Single [Shipped With ???]; Has a Unrequited(?) Crush On Ray; Has Had A Previous Relationship

Ethnicity: Japanese

Nationality: South Korea

Religion: Shinto

Birthdate: May 6th, 1994

Zodiac: Taurus

Height: 5′0 ft (152 cm)

Weight: 95 lbs (43 kgs)

Status: Alive (All Routes Except V’s)

Deceased (V’s Route)

Occupation: Affiliated With Mint Eye 

Hobbies: Playing The Violin, Gardening With Ray Occasionally, Singing, Dancing

Likes: Flowers, Music, Dancing, Being Praised By The Savior, Ray, Baking, The Ocean, Flower Crowns, The Sun, Long Hot Showers

Dislikes: The Dark (Severe Phobia), Being Called “Darling” (Trauma Related), Ice Skating, Small Rooms (E.g. the size of a small closet; Trauma Related), Crowds, Smoking, Alcohol, The Unknown, Being Alone With Her Intrusive Thoughts

Affiliations: Mint Eye

Relatives: Father (Deceased)

Mother (Deceased)

5 Older Half-Sisters (Deceased)

Older Half-Brother

Background: Sayaka is a girl from Japan who moved to South Korea with her older brother when she was 14. Sayaka was born the youngest of 7 siblings, 6 girls (including herself) and one boy, who was the eldest. Her and her siblings were all born into a abusive household, their mother being a woman who slept around, making all of her children half siblings, and the one man who was there, the father (Sayaka does not think of him as her father) of the eldest child, sexually abused his daughters, whilst the mother sexually abused the only son. Sayaka’s childhood home reeked of alcohol and smoke, and whenever she misbehaved even a little, she was locked inside one of the smallest closets of the house for hours on end, without food. When she was 14 her “father” seemed to have snapped (he was already mentally fucked up, its not like he suddenly became this way), murdering her 5 sisters in front of her eyes, and then her mother, and before he could kill her, her brother (who was apprehended him, took his knife, and killed him. Her older brother then took her and ran as far away as he could, eventually managing to move her and him to South Korea where they started a new life. When Sayaka was 19, she met a man (who was 5 years her senior) who she fell in love with and moved in with him. However, once again, Sayaka was abused, mostly sexually, however. Due to her boyfriend always calling her “Darling” and due to the abuse she underwent, her main PTSD trigger is whenever she hears the word “Darling” or is called such. One day, Sayaka meets Rika by chance in a park when on a walk with her boyfriend, and Rika eventually manages to separate the two. What follows is Rika forcibly making Sayaka break up with her boyfriend, and Rika making Sayakaa trust her by telling her about her own experience with sexual abuse. Sayaka eventually becomes part of Mint Eye, becoming one of Rika’s “favorites” as she likes to say in a sort of bragging tone. Many could mistaken Sayaka being in love with Rika because of how much she seems to fawn over her, when in reality Sayaka love lies with Ray. Sayaka and Ray met in the gardens of Mint Eye whilst Sayaka was watering a Lily of The Valley, and ended up slowly becoming friends because of their shared love of flowers and gardening. Sayaka ended up developing a crush on Ray since he was her first friend and the first man (besides her half-brother, who she honestly never was very close to due to him working all the time to support him and her) to not hurt her in some way. 

In V’s route, when Rika chooses to destroy Magenta, Sayaka decides to stay in Magenta. This was in search of suicide, and also to stay with Ray. She dies in the explosion whilst shielding Ray from most of the blast. 

I match you with... 

Zen!

You’re the kind of person that’s desperate to find a sense of peace in your life and you’ve never known what it feels like to live in peace. You’re haunted by the past and what those demons mean to you. It’s hard to cope but you’ve kept on living because that seems like the right thing to do... you’re lost, for the lack of a better word. 

Nobody’s ever put you first or given you the chance to see that you are worth loving and you have a life with meaning. If my brain didn’t scream, Zen, I’d be inclined to agree with you on the Ray front. It’s simply because you seem like you need someone that will hold your hand and remind you that you’re beautiful and that you never deserved to go through what you did. He would be very soft and sincere with you, not pushing you once he realized that you were the type to feel skittish and unsure of yourself around others. He just wants to see you smile and laugh, so expect him to extend his hand to you when you aren’t sure what it is you want. 

I think he’d love your style and your way of presenting yourself to the world. He can appreciates someone who seems to thrive in their style and what makes them happy. He’s always complimenting you and reminding you that he thinks the world of you at the end of the day.

[dillydedalus]

april reading

oh yeah this is a thing. anyway in april i read about uhhh.... first contact (twice), murderers on skis & victorian church politics

the yield, tara june winch a novel about indigenous australian identity and history (now and throughout the 20th century) in three narrative strands. imo the narrative strand that consists of a grandfather writing a dictionary of his language (wiradjuri) in order to prove a claim to some land is by far the strongest, but overall i liked this quite a lot. 3/5

land of big numbers, te-ping chen a solid short story collection focused on modern china and young(ish) chinese people, both in china and the diaspora. i particularly liked the stories that had some slighty surreal or speculative elements, such as one about fruit that strongly evoke emotions when eaten and a group of people stuck in a train station for months as the train is delayed, which imo use their speculative aspects in effective (if not super subtle) ways to talk about society. 3/5

the pear field, nana ekvtimishvili (tr. from georgian by elizabeth heighway) international booker prize longlist! a short, fairly depressing read about a 18-year-old girl at a post-soviet school for developmentally disabled childred (but also orphans, abandoned children & other random kids) who is trying to get a younger boy adopted by an american couple. there seem to be a lot of novels set at post-soviet orphanages etc & imo this is a well-executed example of the microgenre, with the pear field full of pears that are never picked bc they don’t taste right as a strong central image. 3/5

the warden, anthony trollope (chronicles of barsetshire #1) ah yes, a 6-part victorian series about church politics in an english town, exactly the kind of thing i’m interested in. not sure why i committed to at least the first two entries of the series but here we are. despite this lack of interest (and disagreement with most of the politics on display here) i found this quite charming; trollope has a gift for an amusing turn of phrase & making fun of his characters in benevolent ways. 3/5

the lesson, cadwell turnbull first contact scifi novel set on the virgin islands, where an alien ship arrives one day. the aliens seem benevolent & share helpful technology, but also react with extreme violence to any aggression. they claim to be on earth to study.... something, but it’s never entirely clear what. the book makes some interesting choices (like immediately skipping over the actual first contact to a few years in the future, when the aliens are already established on the islands) but i thought much of it was kinda disjointed and confusing. 2/5

the heart is a lonely hunter, carson mccullers look, i get it, it’s all about the isolation & alienation (& dare i say loneliness) of 4 miserable characters projecting their issues on the central character singer, who is kind and patient and also deaf and mute, thus making him the perfect receptacle for their issues without really having to connect with him as a person and how that isolation hinders them socially, artistically, emotionally, politically, but like... i didn’t really like it. i didn’t hate it but i just felt very meh about it all. 2.5/5

acht tage im mai: die letzte woche des dritten reiches, volker ulrich fascinating history book about the last week(ish) of the third reich, starting with the day of hitler’s suicide and ending with the total surrender (but with plenty of flashbacks and forwards), and looking at military&political leadership (german and allied) as well as prisoners of war, forced laborers, concentration camp prisoners, and everyone else. very interesting look at what kästner described as the “gap between the not-anymore and the not-yet.” 3.5/5

firekeeper’s daughter, angeline boulley) i’ve been mostly off the YA train for the last few years, but this was a really good example of contemporary YA with a focus on ~social issues. ANYWAY. this is YA crime novel about daunis, a mixed-race unenrolled ojibwe girl close to finishing high school who is struggling with family problems, university plans, and feeling caught between her white and her native familiy when her best friend is shot in front of her and she decides to become a CI for an fbi investigation into meth production in the community. i really appreciated how hard this went both with the broader social issues (racism, addiction) and daunis’ personal struggles. there are a few bits that felt a bit didactic & on the nose (and the romance... oh well), but overall the themes of community, family, and the value of living indigenous culture are really well done & i teared up several times. 4/5

the magic toyshop, angela carter i love carter’s short stories but struggle with (while still liking) her novels so far. this one, a tale of melanie, suddenly orphaned after trying on her mother’s wedding dress in the garden, coming of age and awakening to womanhood or whatever. carter’s really into that. it’s well-written, sensual as carter always is, and the family melanie and her siblings are sent to, her tyrannical puppet-maker uncle, his mute wife and the wife’s two brothers, both fascinating and offputting (& dirty) make for an interesting cast of characters, but overall i just wish i was reading the bloody chamber again. 3/5

barchester towers, anthony trollope (chronicles of barsetshire #2) (audio) lol tbh i still don’t know why i am committing to this series about, again, church politics in 19th century rural england, but it’s just so chill & warm & funny (we love gently or not so gently - but always politely - mocking our characters) that i’m enjoying it as a nice little trip where people do some #crazyschemes to gain church positions or fight over whether there should be songs in church or whatever it is people in the 19th century fought about. it’s very relaxing. there also is a lot of love quadrangleyness going on and that’s also fun. trollope has weird ideas about women but like whatever, i for one wish mrs proudie much joy of her position as defacto bishop of barchester, she really girlbossed her way to the top. 3.5/5

semiosis, sue burke (semiosis #1) i love spinning the wheel on the “first contact with X weird alien species” & i guess this time we landed on plants! plant intelligence is interesting and the idea of plant warfare is really cool. i do like the structure, with different generations of human settlers on the planet pax providing a long-term view but this allows the author to skip over a lot of the development of the relationship between the settlers and the plant and locating the plot elsewhere, which i think is ultimately a mistake. i might continue w/ the series tho, depending on library availability. 2.5/5

one by one, ruth ware a bunch of start-up people go on a corporate retreat to a ski chalet in the alps, avalanche warning goes up, one of them disappears, presumably on a black piste, the rest get snowed in & completely cut off when the avalanche hits and then they get picked off *title drop* (altho really not that many of them). nice fluff when i had a miserable cold (not covid) but fails when it tries to go for deeper themes... like an attempt to address classism and entitlement sure... was made. also like what kind of luxury skiing chalet does not have emergency communication devices in case internet/phone lines are down...  i’d have sued just for that. 2/5

fake accounts, lauren oyler the microgenre of ‘alienated intellectual(ish) probably anglophone person has some sort of crisis, goes to berlin about it’ is my ultimate literary weakness - i almost never really like them, they mostly irritate me & yet i can never resist their siren call. this one is p strong on the irritation, altho at least the narrator does not ascribe much meaning to her decision to go to berlin after she a) discovers her boyf is an online conspiracy theorist (probably not sincerely) and b) gets a call that said boyf has died, it’s really just something to do to avoid doing anything else. but other than that it’s so BerlinExpat by the numbers, like she lives in kreuzkölln! put her somewhere else at least! there is one scene that elevates the BerlinExpat-ness of it all (narrator asks expatfriend for advice on visa applications, expatfriend assures her that it’s really easy for americans to get visa, adds “especially now” while literally, as the narrator remarks, gesturing at the falafel she’s eating) other than that, the novel is.... fine. it’s smart, but not really as smart as it thinks it is, which is a problem bc it thinks it’s just sooo incisive. whatever. 2/5

the tenant of wildfell hall, anne bronte this is reductive but: jane eyre: i could fix him // wuthering heights: i could make him worse // wildfell hall: lmao i’m gonna leave his ass anyway i enjoyed the part that is actually narrated by the titular tenant of wildfell hall, helen (which thankfully, i think, is most of it) because the perspective of a woman who runs away from her abusive alcoholic of a husband is genuinely interesting and engaging, while gilbert, the frame story narrator who falls in love with helen, is.... the worst. i mean he’s not the worst bc the abusive husband arthur is there and hard to beat in terms of worseness, but he’s pretty fucking bad. imagine if helen had found out that gilbert attacked her secret brother over a misunderstanding, severely injured him & LEFT HIM TO DIE & then (when dude survived & the misunderstanding got cleared up) apologised like well i guess i didn’t treat you quite right! she’d have to run away from her second husband as well! poor girl. 3/5