#im also not too proud of it...but ill cope

[co5oo]

backstage 4 bad bitchez only

[gravesbf]

YOO IM IN LOVE WITH UR HCS THEY TASTE LIKE CHOCOLATE COVERED STRAWBERRIES AND FRUIT TEA :3

Request here 🙏🙏🙏

Could you possibly.. *leans on Bugatti with graves wrap on it + an inflatable eagle and American flag flying from the bonnet* write some hcs for 141 + König with a gn s/o that has had a really bad day and just needs some comfort? So eg, just being pampered and having their hair washed, being told they’ve done well, that people are proud of them and love them, etc?

Ive been having a really shitty past few months with my depression and anxiety and it’s really overwhelmed me so I’m kinda projecting.. 🧍🏼🧍🏼

If you can’t do it, that’s ok!!! No pressure <33

But if you can, may your skin be clear and may your crops flourish 🙏🙏🙏 (with america rizz) (im british)

i hate brits but ill make an exception for u 🫶 /lh i hope ur day gets a littol bit better for u pookie :< ik how hard it gets fr <3 we r in this together :)

cw: depression (not delved into !!)

simon "ghost" riley:

☆ this guy getss it !!! he doesn't open up much about his feelings directly but let's all be fr and agree he's not the most mentally stable

☆ your self care day is hiss self care day, thrives on cuddling and using you as weighted blanket while he rubs your back

☆ has himself a tea while you both cuddle, and trust me it's good tea. the night might turn into a cuddle and see how many teas simon can make before you run out

☆ before you fall asleep fully he kisses the crown of your head and says that he's proud of how far you've come

john "soap" mactavish:

☆ tries to be more lowkey w how he comforts you because he doesn't want to come off as overbearing

☆ has mastered the perfect balance of praise and touch, he holds your hand while you tell him about your day and he makes comments trying to sympathize w you

☆ lets you scritch his mohawk while he tells you how much he loves you and how glad he is that you're around and here with him

☆ lays his head on your chest when you both go to sleep so he can listen to your heartbeat and tap your arms to the beat of it, has both of you asleep within 5 minutes

john price:

☆ kinda awkward with comforting but he tries his best, he's always a little bit confused about how somebody like you could be so upset about anything

☆ he knows that it's not his place to fully understand though, so he sticks to doing what he does best: being an old ass man

☆ showers with you and washes your hair while you vent (or not) about how you've been feeling, he stays mostly silently except for humming to let you know he's listening

☆ towel dries your hair and changes the bedsheets to clean ones so you can be fully clean because he's a firm believer in being a little more tidy can greatly improve somebody's feelings

kyle "gaz" garrick:

☆ king of pampering in general, he's waiting on you hand and foot constantly. honestly he probably knows it's going to be a bad day before you even start your day

☆ he's always making you food to eat throughout the day, little snacks that aren't too big but are just enough to keep you energized and full

☆ ditches his military soaps for your nice ones when you take a shower, secretly (not rlly) loves when you laugh at him building bubble beards on himself and doing price impressions

☆ making you laugh is his goal in life tbh he's constantly cracking jokes while you both cuddle, some of them are so bad it's funny

könig:

☆ another guy that genuinely understands everything you're talking abt, his anxiety also makes him have awfulll days and due to being the military around lots of people he's learned coping mechanisms

☆ takes hot showers with you a lot in general, but even more when you're having one of those days. he's already washing your hair and face as soon as you get in

☆ lets you braid his hair while he talks idly about how missions are and how he adores you, though he says that in german. you've picked up on him saying cheesy stuff in german though so it's fine :)

☆ lets you sprawl out on him like a starfish when you both finally go to sleep, around 2am because of how many shows he wanted to watch with you

[unfunnyaceartist]

Vent post ahead that may change your view on me and that may sound dramatic (NOT DIRECTED AT ANYONE, THIS IS JUST IN GENERAL) Mostly just to get out my feelings. I only ask that if you look, to be kind and understanding and patient. Also the tags are silly and id appreciate if you read em. id appreciate if you didnt ask me anything on it

I feel toxic sometimes because i can get so jealous i borderline gatekeep things and I always feel so bad because its never intentional but then I end up hating myself because I know its unhealthy and irrational but I cant help it, and I know im so lucky and have a lot in many senses of the word, but at times it feels like they can be taking everything, because when I like someone or something, they tend to matter a fuck-ton to me. Im sorry to anyone ive lashed out at a bit for them wanting what I have, I really am. Its not coming from a place of hostility, rather a place of trauma responses and hyperfixation that stem from my adhd and autism but like when I try something and it goes great, and then someone else is like "OOH thats awesome I wanna do that too" It feels almost like when Im finally happy or excited or proud to have something, someone comes and takes it. Usually Ill play it off as a joke, but in reality, its complete honesty that im trying to soften so I dont upset anyone, especially when its over fiction or a person, because I do NOT own them and I know that, but it bothers me when someone swoops in to do the exact same things or even one-up especially when its really soon after me, and since my self worth is already abysmal, it just makes me feel worse, like I should be lucky to have what I do to begin with, but I feel the need to hold it close to me and protect it so I dont lose things that make me really happy.

Recently Ive even started reverse gatekeeping in response to others, where ill just tell myself I cant or dont deserve to have anything special because I'm not, and only others can enjoy this. But thats why people making me ship content makes me so happy. Its dumb to get jealous over others selfshipping with a character I like. Its dumb to get upset over someone I know copying or taking heavy inspiration from one of my ideas. Its dumb to get possessive over someone else trying to befriend my new awesome friends or wife/wives. I rarely selfship anymore due to my reverse gatekeeping and instead serve the others who simp or enjoy content. I provide since I feel I cant take. It makes me happy and distracts me. But the moment someone else does something similar to what is my toxic coping mechanism for my toxic coping mechanism, it only hurts worse. Thats why sometimes, for example, I get a bit snappy when someone else provides gummybunny (that and also shipping jealousy sometimes). Thats why I get snappy when I make a friend someone else super cool and then another person comes in and wants to befriend them (No darken, this wasnt directed at you, its happened more than once with more than one person but I know how you tend to assume). I LOVE giving but I hate sharing, because all my life whenever I shared, I lost something.

Introduce a friend to a friend? They leave me behind for eachother. Let someone wear my fitbit because they wanted to feel "rich"? It got stolen. Give money to someone in a "rough spot" who promised to repay me somehow? Never saw them again. I was always so trusting and understanding, and I always made excuses for others. Always so naive and gullible. So much so, in fact, that in elementary I kept letting my bullies pretend to be my friends when they claimed they changed, and let them destroy any ounce of worth I had whatsoever. Things that make me happy I CHERISH because of all the things ive lost and all my experiences. Ive never been hit, not once, but the abuse all my life came emotionally and mentally, and I only recently realized through therapy. Now its hard to trust people in certain situations. Sorry for my probably hard to follow and melodramatic rant.

sorry im dumb haha

[aquariumgirls]

vei lorepost. (tldr at the end before the cat picture. also this is a huge vent about how being on the internet so young (i was seven) damaged me as a person in a way that i fear may never be truly fixable and also i hate myself)

when i was young (like seven. i was on the internet too young) it was the ship and let ship/dont like dont read era of the internet. being a small child with autism i wanted to consume as much content related to the things i liked as possible, and ended up stumbling upon spaces i should not have been in nor been able to access at my age.

most of them were pertaining to things that i know understand are problematic. it damaged me fundamentally, as i only exited those spaces and realized all the things that i thought were normal were wrong, when i was 13 years old. it was traumatizing for me. it desensitized me to things that i should not be desensitized to. things that are disgusting to me now. and it fucking sucks when people say that fiction doesn't affect reality, because it absolutely fucking does. i am literal proof of that.

when i was eleven, i got my friend into undertale. it was the early days of the fandom, and i liked it because i had watched a youtuber play the demo of the game a few years prior. certain ships were popular. because i was eleven, i thought certain things were normal, and i was in nsfw spaces despite being so young, because it was practically everywhere.

when my friend got into it, she also got into one of the most popular problematic ships. she gave me a nickname pertaining to it, and despite me not knowing why, i was ashamed and embarrassed when she would call me that.

i (obviously) am not pr*ship. i am not neutral, either. i resent pr*shippers because people like them normalized things for me and exposed me to things that i should not have seen, and that should not have been normalized. i still get intrusive thoughts about it. i still feel ashamed of who i used to be. i still feel disgusted with myself when i have said intrusive thoughts. i am in therapy, and it took me a while to realize that it was traumatizing. i didn't just see gross fictional content, i saw real gore, shock videos that made me nauseous, videos from depraved people that i watched on a dare, among other things.

my first anime was hetalia, which im very much NOT proud of. you can imagine the shit i saw in 2011/2012/2013. i also had homestuck as a special interest until i was around sixteen, and by then i had been actively trying to avoid it for about a year.

basically: fiction affects reality and i am legitimately traumatized because of it. to be real i havent told anyone this. im afraid of being judged. i dont want people to think im like the people who exposed me to traumatizing and damaging content when i was little. these things make me physically nauseous with shame. you obviously dont have to read this post because its long as hell but i know that some people my age have probably had similar experiences. i dont call myself an anti anymore because im nineteen years old, but i deeply DEEPLY resent and hate pr*shippers. i also know that some of them are coping in unhealthy ways. but it doesn't change the fact that they exposed me to things i shouldnt have seen when i was a young, impressionable child, and it doesn't change the fact that they're still doing it now.

i am in therapy. i avoid and block every pr*shipper i see and religiously scour blogs to make SURE they aren't one. anytime a blog i like gets exposed for being one in secret, i feel sick.

i was in those damaging spaces longer than ive been out of them and sometimes i think that ill be damaged like this forever. ive done things im not proud of. things that make me so ashamed that i throw up. sometimes i wish i could wipe my memory from up until i was 13. i dont think ill keep this post up very long because frankly i dont want people to think im some sort of freak or whatever, but ive been thinking about this recently and i need to say it to SOMEONE before i go fucking crazy.

tldr: i was in pr*ship spaces until i figured out that shit was wrong and by then i was already 13 (in eighth grade) and by then the damage was already done and now im left with trauma, intrusive thoughts that make me physically nauseous, and a fear that im actually secretly like the people who exposed me to those traumatizing things.

cat photo to thank you for reading.

[bebx]

hi im so sorry but i need to get this off my chest and i cant talk to my friends about it because its so embarrassing and ive talked about it PLENTY

but anyway long story short i was dating someone, we have a weird history dating wise & have been best friends for 3+ years before that all started. literally three weeks ago we decided to be exclusive, on friday i found out that the day before, he kissed another girl IN PUBLIC. i know that girl, they've hooked up before (when i was also hooking up with him but it wasn't anything really and i didn't actually know for sure if they were hooking up (they were)). so we called it quits.

i still spent the weekend bc i'm weak and all i want is him. he said he never felt a connection like this with anyone, he said he loved me and he said he was sorry a hundred times..... he said it would take a long time before he'd feel 'normal' about me. we were both emotional when i left, and since then i havent really stopped crying lol

AND NOW. i dont know if im just driving myself crazy but i feel like he's (still) (again?) talking to that one girl and it would make sense because he basically cheated on me not even a week ago so why wouldnt he do this now??? but. it feels too cruel. but maybe thats just who he is.

god i hate this so much he drives me completely mad im stalking his every move and every time i see something that even slightly hints at my suspicions i get so ill and it makes me wanna kms. i just wanna feel normal i hate that he did this to me i miss him so bad. i know we literally shouldn't ever get back together again because this is just a fraction of the shit thats happened in the past 10 months, BUT I ONLY WANT HIM. and i feel like we're soulmates. BYEEEEE this is so humiliating. im so tired i just want it to end

hugging you so tight right now, anon!!! 🩷🩷🩷 so sorry you have to go through something like this. I can’t say I know exactly how you feel, because each person experiences this type of pain differently, but I do know it just super sucks when the person who hurts us and the person we want to hate turns out to be the one we love the most. sometimes our hearts can be stubborn just like that (it all would’ve been so easy if we could convince ourselves to stop caring and to being able to fully hate them and moving on, but it’s never that easy, sadly). I can’t tell you what to do or how to react to the pain you feel, but know that your pain is valid and how you feel / how you react / how you cope with that pain, that’s valid too. and you are not weak for being hurt when someone wronged you, especially when it’s someone you trusted. I know this is cliche and is so much easier said than done, but please also be kind to yourself, above anything else. that boy and the girl he cheated on you with, they don’t deserve you. they lost you, not the other way around. think of this as an opportunity for you to open yourself to someone else who truly loves and values you, whether it be romantically or platonically. I know right now you just want him, but if the wrong person can make you love him this bad, imagine how much happier you’ll be when you finally find the right one who can make you love them the same way you loved him, if not more, the only difference is that they won’t break your heart. and you deserve to be happy. that someone is out there, and I truly believe you both will find each other when the time is right. but for now, try loving and being gentle to yourself even if it’s hard (I know it can be hard, but at least give it a try), the best revenge is to prove to them that you don’t need them to be happy and that you can heal from this and thrive without them in your life. doesn’t matter how long it takes, but you will get there one day, and you will look back and be so damn proud of yourself for how far you’ve come. because hey, look at you, you are still here, and for that, I am so damn proud of you!!

it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to be completely broken, because the thing about crying and being broken is that it’s not permanent, even if it feels like it right now.

and by the way, the ones who should feel humiliated are him and that girl, not you. screw it if they deserve each other. YOU deserve so much better than that anyway.

[obsequence]

hi so this is for if you care about my writing ! my new blog is @suturism and im gonna be posting updates about my wips on there alongside my other mainblog shit :) i also have a twitter by the same username but i really just tweet abt random shit on there lol , but feel free to follow me if u want !!

im about to ramble a bit so if tail lights is your concern that's below here

obviously , i barely wrote last year , especially compared to the year before that . i didnt really make an effort in my writing at all after about march or so . and it wasn't lack or motivation or ideas

for a lot of people , it's really easy to write TO cope with like difficult situations but for me that's just . not it . im a very tunnel-visioned person and i can really only focus on one goal at once , and my goal for 2023 was literally like: survive . because of life situations plus my own health . i also didnt know whether id have to get extended care , so i didnt want to start any like big fics or anything during that time because i didnt know if id be able to update . thats the primary reason i didnt write much

the second is literally just insecurity and posting anxiety which sounds stupid LOL but it's super real for me . im really trying not to be so self conscious about what i post and to be content with the fact that i have progress to make , but it's hard at times . esp because (imo) tail lights was lackluster and i REALLY want my next multichapter to be better and something i can be proud of . so up to this point ive kinda been too anxious to post much if im being honest ! but i can feel that ebbing and it's simultaneously exciting and scary !

the third reason is just that like up til recently i didnt see a point !! my perspective towards writing has been really negative for a while but now im like rediscovering my love for it in my own and others' works and im just so . it makes me gush and also ANGRY because i feel stupid for neglecting it for this long LOL

so yeah with that: tail lights haha . im sorry but this the official funeral :| better now than holding out hope .

its status is basically: i have no PLANS to finish part two and i dont WANT to finish part two , so dont anticipate anything . not saying it wont ever happen if one day my feelings change but like i really dont see that happening so

i just have too many ick feelings associated to continue it and also enjoy it , so i really am sorry about that

BUT just because i am less invested in tail lights doesnt mean it isnt important to me still !! i appreciate everyone who read it/kudosed/commented/holds it dear 🖤 more than you can ever know . writing that showed me that people WILL actually read what i write , and that they care about it too , and thats a priceless sentiment i cherish

and with THAT: new writing !

so i dont wanna say anything super concrete but what im posting next is PROBABLY going to be yellowjackets related , but it may be saltburn or even tlou !! ill probably write a fic or two related to tlou after the remastered comes out depending on how much content we get and if its anything i can work with :)

but yeah if u read this far thank u for caring about my writing i love you

[manias-wordcount]

Have a request? Read me!

Okay so ive been running this shit for about a year and a halfish i think its time to talk about how i work. though before we start i just wanted to say im thankful for everyone who supports me or just reads a work of mine. it means the world to me and i enjoy being able to share my writings with a bunch silly and lovely people like y’all !!! 

General Rules for my blog!

Please don’t ask me for any personals information lol

like actually

this includes stuff like my age, where im from, etc. 

i share what i want on my own private time sooo like

dont ask teehee

Please dont make SA jokes in the comments of my stuff xD

i wish i was joking.

i understand some people use humor to cope

but thats no excuse to be joking about bringing out the rape whistle when a unpopular background character is staring at you

like i really wish i was joking but yeah

Don’t be rude in general in the comments of my stuff lmaoo

like its genuinely annoying.

it’s 10000% okay to not agree with my vision for how a story goes or how a character should react

but if that’s something you want to tell me, do not be rude about it lmaoo like where are your manners

like if you dont agree, you dont agree but neither of our word is law soo...

also dont fucking shame requesters or commenters if they’re actually doing nothing wrong

i’ve had way too many people complain or shade other’s completely reasonable requests like wtf???

but yeah practice some self-awareness before you speak your mind sometimes? 

you are not the only person in the room

okay rant over teehee

Some of the stuff on my blog contains sexual material

I really try to give warnings ahead of time

but don’t be afraid to point out if there's something else that probably needs a forewarning

also my words are not gospel

shit can be dramatized (im whore)  or romanticized for convenience of storytelling (im lazy) so if youre using this stuff to learn about sex uhhh

maybe dont?

Some of the stuff on my blog contains some dark themes

i also try to be transparent about those things as well

but for the record im in no way glorifying these dark themes

though as someone who is both creative and has seen/gone through so shit i do explore and work through some of these topics to myself as a person and as a writer!

Request Rules and Guidelines

i’ll write anything!! (within reason)

i think you guys can guess a bit about what “within reason” means

and i know the fact that i dont have a “NO LIST” can be inconvenient

but if you’re unsure if ill write something you want? just ask!

you can always ask in dms or in my inbox! either is fine  

that means i have the right to deny anything too, of course

long story short, y’all dont pay me LMAOO

i usually wont deny something but i will if it’s...

one: requested while my requests are closed (im sorry but no more means nomore!!!)

two: goes against what i believe in some way (i doubt anyone is going to request something political or bigoted so im talking shit like the fact that i will never write anything that takes place in the state of New Jersey USA because  i hate that place so much WHHAHAHAHA

three: you were mean to me AHAHAHAHAHAH

yeah this list isn’t long and very hard to get but i did want to make this transparent

before anyone starts requesting some new jersey aus..........

be respectful !!

not only am i human, im truly am doing this for free (for now, at least) and on my own time

though you should treat people who charge for their work with respect too.

its hard out there for us lil creators lmao

sometimes, less is better.

Super detailed requests can be tricky to navigate.

Again, im doing this on my free time and i average around 1K-2k words depending on what my life is looking like at the moment.

sometimes a super detailed requests require multiple parts that might not be released for a long time.

Or i struggle with getting a story im proud of putting my name while trying to respect the request.

If you want specific details to make the experience more personal to you, go for it

but do you really need to tell me what your request is in 11 full-length  sentences? do you really HAHAHAH

also if i aske you to explain something, please be able to explain it bc im not a mind reader and this guess and check thing is kinda stressful

try not to rush me lol

Im checking my blog everyday.

I see your requests and i promise im (most likely) not ignoring you.

i have other hobbies, and a life too, and possibly 20 requests ahead of you.

i try to get everything out asap but sometimes that’s like 2 or more months

BUT if you’re scared that your request may not have made it through the hellsite, send another one asking if i got the request! 

i’ll respond to that one if i have!

PLEASE TELL ME WHO AND WHERE THEYRE FROM IN YOUR REQUEST

like actually teehee

It stresses me when i just get a request and all that's included is the situation the requester wants and the character’s first name. Give me the full name or tell me where they’re from before i scour every single series i write for to check for repeat names

its not that big of a deal but im scared of fucking up for you guys aaaaaa

If you send me a weird or rude request as anon, im just going to delete it from my inbox for both of our sake

cough cough THINK LIKE NO PEDOPHILIA LIKE ACTUALLY

and im not gonna specify what i mean by “weird” beyond that just because it’s very much a random situation

im not naming anons but just kinda think ahead of time what you’re asking me (a stranger) to do and publish for you

maybe uhhh...check my masterlist before requesting?

i know its daunting

i know i have a lot on there

but there might literally be exactly what you’re looking for on there HAHA

if not though, absolutely go forward with requesting !!!!!!!

even if what you want is something similar to what i’ve already written, a few changes make a huge difference!

but when in doubt about characters or stories i’ve written before?

check!

if have the right to change the way i write a request (unless specifically stated otherwise)

all this means is that every request (unless a HC is specifically asked for) will start off as being written as a full length average Mania™ fic

if for any reason i decide it would be better in a different format, then i will change it (ex: fic  => hc)

UNLESS YOU SPECIFICALLY ASK FOR A CERTAIN FORMAT

then ill keep true to that format no matter what happens 

but yeah ! that’s it for now at least. ill update this post if theres more hehe. also if you have questions, just dm me or put it in my inbox :)

[dark-night-insomniac]

We recently hit 230 followers and the end of the year is coming soon so i though i would introduce myself again and thank you all

I used to write for twice over on instagram a few years ago but lost my interest for writing when i started university.

After 1 year at university covid hit and so did my queerness. I finally accepted who i was and came out as nonbinary, and im proud to say that recently i cane out to my whole family and that my parents finally seem to be accepting me.

Its also during covid that i discovered Dreamcatcher. One of my friend on instagram named Rose showed me their comeback scream back then, i remember watching the mv but not liking the song whatsoever, i was used to girly kpop from twice and blackpink so this was out of my zone. The thing is, i always liked rock, and when i came back to Dreamcatcher during Because, i realized that they were what i had been looking for and finally appreciated their sound. Im really not sure why i didnt like their sound back then, but i think as i got older, i got back to my roots of loving rock and Dreamcatcher was just perfect- combining kpop and rock.

I was still on instagram then, but i started reading dreamcatcher fics online, and often it lead me to tmblr. I rememher thinking that there wasn’t enough dc content when it came to fanfictions, i wanted more and so i decided to start writing again to provide insomnias with more dc content.

I always loved reading the fluffy stories, it made me feel less alone and loved, while it being about people i appreciate and look up too. Thats why i like to write fluff, to hopefully bring comfort to people as much as it does for me.

There was a time i found myself cringe for writing fanfictions, but i realized, this is just like any other form of writing- we just include people we admire in our stories

On tmblr i was able to share my stories with people who enjoy kpop like i do. I met many talented friends and everyone seem to be so kind unlike instagram.

Im sorry this is so long, i know i am rambling but i wanted to show my appreciation for all of you.

I never though i would enjoy writing again but here i am, theres so something so wonderful about this, it just makes my heart happy, especially because all of you are here with me.

As for a little unnecessary intro to my life, well like i said im in university and a lil nonbinary person- well im 5’10 but ill keep saying litlle.

When im not in school, working, or writing- most of my time is dedicated to working out and cooking. I started working out when my anxiety got the best of me, and to this day it is still the best way i can cope with the stresses of life.

Although i spend most of my time working out- out of the necessary activities of life, i do give myself time everyday for skin care and hair care. I do also enjoy videos games, i use to spend 24 hours playing them, but sadly im quite too busy these days.

I also always loved drawing and painting, these days life is too busy to keep those passions of mine alive. I like acting as well as music, wether id be creating or playing an instrument.

Arts just always find its way to my heart.

-

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[gaysonlyocean]

AUGHH IDK ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR OCS BUT I WANNA SO BAD so uhhmm hmhmh 3 5 7 12 16 aaand also favorite scene. can be written or unwritten I just wanna know where the emotions are tastiest

ITS OK IM MORE THAN HAPPY TO TALK ABOUT THEM!!!

3.) any recurring images/elements?

isolation, trauma, dysfunctional relationships, and maladaptive coping mechanisms are all in it :]

5.) pick a theme song for the tv adaptation.

that unwanted animal by the amazing devil! a line from it is in the description of the playlist!!

7.) how would you describe the relationships between the characters in the story within eight words or less?

oh fuck thats a hard one uhhhh:

caring but in the wrong way

12.) okay be honest. pick a favorite oc from this ocverse.

rose lemonade my Beloved the og oc for this, they came first and i love it so so much

16.) imagine the entire story takes place but in the meantime the characters all also have tumblr. what kind of (terrible) tumblr posts would happen?

NOOOOO THAT WOULD TERRIBLE god theres a lot of characters im gonna have to add a read more

god ambrosi would NOT have tumblr hes too old for that 😭but if he did it would just be photos from his porch

adele would have a tumblr to post music on and at the start of the story she stop posting and then comes back at the end with a "sorry for the hiatus! i have a partner now and so much trauma"

odette canonically is a musician on youtube [think annapantsu] so et would just be posting as normal as if things arent going terribly wrong, so song covers and lil aesthetic reblogs

im not including the kids ones 5, ones 9 and the other is illiterate sobs none of them are getting tumblr, reuben also doesnt have a phone so hes not included but if he did have a phone hed be jsut posting blurry photos of the horrors

gabriel would just have a tumblr to reblog odettes posts to be proud of et, also would not be acknowledging the horrors

sasha would have a shitty meme tumblr i KNOW he would it would be full of things that were funny in 2011 and then reuben would steal his phone and post shit on it and get yelled at

elaine would have a studyblr! shes trying her hardest

madeleine is the only one with a fandom blog and ey starts posting "who would have thunk being hunted for sport sucks o_O" and eir posts take off

eran would be vagueposting about everyone and then reblogging gothic aesthetic shit

bernard would only use tumblr at the start as he tries to make a gofundme post and then the horrors happen

lenore would be reblogging all those post of like links to recipe pages and then stop posting for a week and come back with 5 million vent posts

maddie would get kung pow penised so fast

anyway for my favourite scene its gotta be the one at the motel!

ill set the scene: bernard has just seen his sisters blood hit the window of their motel room, he has his daughter in the room with him and this weird kid she befriended but his 5 year old son is Still Out There Somewhere, hes terrified, he doesnt know whats happening, all he knows is something is RIGHT outside, so he does the only thing he can think of: he grabs the two kids in the room and drags them into the closet with him, theres barely enough room but theres no where else that he can think of that will protect them from the fate waiting outside, the bathroom is too open and out in the room is as well, he hears his daughter tell him hes holding her too tight, that hes hurting her, but he cant let go, he just apologises and holds her tighter, desperately hoping that whatever that thing thats claw is scratching the window will leave

[hobidreams]

oh my gosh HI MISS RAIN!! i’m so sorry i haven’t been able to check in on you for the past month😭 without getting into it too much, uhhh u ever just get sick n tired of living thru historical events? yeah that was me in may💀 def didn’t help that the last couple of weeks in my semester were very determined to whoop my ass (though i saw my grades last night n they r all looking Very good🥹 the breakdowns i had were def worth it lol)

but YES I GOT SIDETRACKED,,,

i saw what you were going thru the past month!! i’m so sorry that u had to go through that. i hope you and your loved ones have fully recovered now, and with no lingering effects!! i really wanted to send a message but again,,, Life,,,, but i kept u n ur loved ones in my thoughts the whole time.

and lord,,, the news abt bts last night…. i’m really happy that they’ll be able to pursue their own interests!! but also i feel like my longterm s/o just told me that they needed time to cool off,,, so that’s fun hAHFKGL

that being said, i miss u so so so much and i hope ur well!! wishing u all the best in your endeavors always <3

(oh also right now the spacing is Whack,,, hopefully it looks alright on your end lol)

-🌿

HI BABYYYYY omg DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT IN THE SLIGHTEST. yes, i am right there with you. im so exhausted by life and everything and i just keep seeing worse and worse news every day and ahhhhhhhhhh. IM SO PROUD OF YOU for getting through the semester with amazing grades!!!! but do please take care of your health babe 💓 i dont wanna sound like a mom but in my first few years of uni, i had the mentality that "stress is temporary, grades are forever" so i put everything into school. but honestly, that ruined me 🥲 i had to find a sustainable way to manage my workload and i ended up not crying even once in my last year lol 🥲🥲🥲 but anyway. i trust you and ik youre gonna do whats best for you so ill just be here cheering u on 💗

omg thank you... it was, quite frankly, awful as fuck but we made it through and my grandpa is very safe and alive, lol. unfortunately another grandparent had to go to the emergency room recently but that was also fine ... ish... well. we're getting through it. i seem to have no lingering effects anymore.......? idk, i feel like my sense of taste has gotten a bit dulled in some aspects but that could also just be allergies plugging my nose so who knows 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ thank you for thinking about us ;-;

yes omg !! it does feel a bit like that FADKLJASFD but im confident that they'll be back better than ever. they wouldnt do this unless they couldnt keep going any longer, and i relate to that feeling more than anyone aslkdjfsadlkj. im listening to my fave songs on repeat to cope 😭

i miss you too, love! what are your plans for the summer? i hope you have fun stuff in store!!

[downdariver]

i thought thought my ex was my soulmate, but it didn't work out, so that is not possible, you are supposed to meet with your sm at the right time in your life and everything should align naturally. if you belive in such things, i lost my hope a while ago. in this brief post on a page that i am convinced that will not receive to people that need to hear all of the shit im talking about i want to share something about relationships and breakups, i try to keep it as real as possible and also to help yall heal, somehow, someway.

long story short, i have ocd and severe depression. by the time i was at my worst, i had a relationship with this boy. we met on omegle, were besties for 6 months, met up irl, cheated on my boyfriens from back then with him and then me and this boy, im gonna call him Blue, had a relationship for 3 months. he was the most caring, beautiful, smart and kind soul i could find in a partener. me on the other hand i had suicidal thoughts daily, was venting about it with him way too much, put pressure on him, never actually asking him how he was doing because i were a shit of a person back then, was toxicly jealous and the list can continue. he could not take it anymore and i fully understand him. after we broke up, i almost had sex with another guy like idk a week after? i believed i can not be loved like that ever again, so why nit just give some pussy here and there. btw, im a whore, i like attention and validation and i hate sex, i feel raped everytime i do it, but i continue having it cuz thats the closest thing to love that i can live. my body count is pretty high, but nit proud of that. Blue is disappointed. somehow i am glad we broke up, he is way too good for me and i am to comfortable in my own shitty mental situation in order to get up and change something. i miss him as a person, we talk feom time to time to make sure that we are ok. he is doing fine. i really hope he gets with someone that can appreciate him and make Blue feel really valuable, like he really is.

i am gonna talk to my psychiatrist tuesday in order to make a therapy appointment and start it. i am convinced that i want to heal now. not to get with Blue again, because i am convinced we are not for eachother even if it felt like so in those beautiful months. now, i got to the point where i give you un requested advice.

basically, i want to present how i cope with my situation in casw un live somenthing similar. how i convinced myself that i dont want to be comfortable in my ilness anymore and how i deal with not having someone in your life anymore. that is what i do tho, i do not say that this is an universal solution. in my very specific case, i wanted to keep depression by my side in order to feel that my suffering is valid. if i feel like the best solution to my endless desire to not be alive anymore is to get deeper and deeper into it. i was hury by my parents, in my childhood, my whole family is full of diagnosed mentally ill people, they make me feel sick every time i have an interaction with them so is normal for me to be disgusted by life, right? so what do i want? to be seen. by who? myself mostly. if i am convinced that i am sufferinf and in a really bad condition, that means those nas things really happened to me. so it is normal to have a decaying mind? i a was ill and did not want help, that would had meant i was just pretending to be ill. but i was for real in great depression. now i am realising i do not need to get deeper into my suffering to know that i have a problem. but yk what i have to do? to get better and to ask help. life may not be beautiful, but for me it can for sure be enjoyable. in order to make it like that, i have to get better. the real comfort comes from being healthy, from being able do to something with your potential. if you are just rotting, it gives you no validation for your suffering, it only gets you deeper and deeper in your non escapeble state of endless pain which brings you nothing but more and more bitterness to your life. this misarble condition of a human being is not for me anymore, i do not want it. ocd on the other side... i still have to work on wanting to get rid of it, i have a more complicated relationship with this disorder.

for me, the best thing i can do about not someone that is not in my life anymore is to get some of their personality traits into mine. like this, their memory of mine with them will forever be a part of me and in this way they will be seen by more and more people. Blue, if i did not appreciate you enough back than, i want you to know you are a part of me now.

we are so young and full of hope. world does not end when a relationship doesn't work out. we can keep alive the memories, learn from them and be better and better. by healing ourselves we get to experiment every sweet part of life that this journey can give us. i honestly hope motivational text with toxic positivity, so this is not one of those shitty things. but sometimes, you gotta admit its not that bad. sometimes it is, but other time you just have to stay with yourself and admit that things can be fixed by forgiving and letting go.

excuse any possible mistake. have a nice life yall!!!

[somewhat-crazy]

(some of) the creeps helping you recover

okay, spoiler, no matter what mental illness it was/is, they would all care and help to the best of their ability, i just wanted to make this for some specifics. please take care of yourself, you're so special. whatever happens today will happen, but i want you to take a few minutes to do something that makes you happy. just de-stress, drink some water, take your meds or eat if you haven't yet, and try to not cry, okay? you're worth so much more than what people say about you. ilysm and i'm so thankful that you're alive today. if you ever want to vent to someone you can always dm me; i might not be the greatest at comforting but i'll listen if you need me to. i wish you all the best in whatever happens today<3

!! tw - mental health talk !!

also i can do some of the other creeps but it's late and i'm tired ;-;

jeff the killer

would help you recover from s//cidal thoughts/behavior

it's a little-known fact in the mansion that jeff tried to take his own life a few months after arriving at the mansion. he didn't know many people at the time, so only a handful know what actually happened

that's why when he found out what you were thinking of/planning to do, he stopped you right there

tough love from jeff is surprisingly helpful. well, if almost crying and literally begging you to consider how it would affect other people is tough love, then yea. rat boy can be very emotional sometimes

he's very very watchful after he finds out, asking if you feel alright or how you've been holding up, doing things or taking you places that make you happy

tells you about what happened with him, especially how much he regretted it and how everyone else was affected

began a habit of leaving a note (since he's too proud to say it out loud) about how much you mean to him and how he loves spending each day with you<3

homicidal liu

would help you recover from s/h

much like his brother, liu also suffered from self destructive tendencies

after he found out what you were doing he freaked out and sully took over instead, which led to a forced cuddle and therapy session

both of them get how hard it is to recover from coping mechanisms like that, so they try to start with small things here or there until you're clean

he checks your arms or thighs each night, and if you did relapse a bit he isn't mad, he just helps clean the wounds and tells you that he loves you

whenever he helps bandage you up he gives you a lil kiss on each bandaid. if it ever gets really bad he's ready to take you down to EJ for stitches or extra bandaging

sully refuses to let you go near any sharp objects-- he's attacked jeff for letting you hold a knife ;-; he's just protective okay

he loves your scars though, and always tells you how strong you were for getting through it<3

ben drowned

would help you recover from trauma

he doesn't remember much of what happened to him but he experiences a lot of sharp reactions to things that remind him of it

after he accidentally triggered a memory of your trauma, he sat you down and listened to everything you said to him

whenever intrusive thoughts about your trauma not being valid or enough, he aggressively cuddles and compliments you until you believe him

he's very careful to not trigger anything, and keeps a mental list of everything to avoid or how to deal with side effects or when you get triggered

uh yea i was gonna write more but then i forgot what and it's late but i want to post it today im sorry please don't hate me-

eyeless jack

would help you recover from an0rexia

this dude has both medical and psychological knowledge, and you can bet he even noticed before you noticed anything yourself

if, however, you somehow made it past his genius and got yourself into a bad situation, he would be there for you

he knows he can't just force you to eat a bunch all at once; he sits down and has a nice crying session where he listens to you vent about everything that's going on

starts with small steps, eating a tiny bit more at meals or little snacks throughout the day, making sure you finish all your food, complimenting how your outfit makes you look, whatever he feels is necessary

he doesn't let you use the scale by yourself, but when you do he's there with you and congratulates you on every pound you gain. he gets kinda giddy/excited like a little kid, it's cute :3

he tells you every day how nice you look and if anyone ever dares to say anything negative about your body they're usually never seen again lol

the bloody painter

would help you recover from sensory overloads or meltdowns

i personally hc him as having sensory issues himself, so he understands whatever you're going through and how hard it can be

always asks you about the texture of things or if it's comfy for you, and if it's not he yeets it across the room and searches for something better

never brings you anywhere that would be too loud, bright, or make you have an overload

if you do have one, he immediately tries to get you away from everything and try to help you calm down. if you're alright with him touching you, sometimes he covers your ears or eyes to block some of it out

you guys have so many weighted blankets and stim/sensory toys, and helen brings around a lil backpack for emergencies

it has sensory toys, noise cancelling headphones, some comfort items, snacks you like, and some note or sketchbooks to help distract you

he's so considerate i swear-

slender

would help you recover from trust and abandonment issues

this man is, what? 2000 years old? so he's seen and experienced a lot of loss in his life

he understands that humans (you are human, right?) have different emotions than paranormal creatures such as himself, but he tries his best to be empathetic towards you

it might be a bit awkward, but he's actually really good at comforting people. he found out by looking inside your brain a bit that you were really scared of him leaving you

he was confused why-- he couldn't see any logical reason why you would be worried about something so silly and irrational. you explained it to him and he understood it a bit better

he takes the time to get you small presents or find new ways to show he cares, and whenever you feel insecure he explains how important you are to him and that he would never think of leaving <33

final words from avi: this actually was written towards myself. recently i've been having a hard time, although i i won't go into a lot of detail. after a particularly bad mood swing, i said some concerning things and went offline, causing my friends to think that i might have k*lled myself. after seeing how much they cared about what was going on, i thought that maybe other people needed to see something like this. i hope this will reach people that aren't feeling good, and hopefully make them a bit happier. no matter what's going on, you and your emotions are valid, and you deserve the world, no matter what other people say. sorry for my super long messages, ily all<3

[doolkat]

G5 SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

My thoughts! (cute pic added so it wont be just boring text)

So I just saw the movie.

I been waiting for this ever since it was announced. I gotta say I was skeptical about it first but now Im like 'huh I see"

General : lighthearted movie with good music.

Plot : mediogre, I wanted to know more what happend!?

Questions :like SUNNYS DAD??? he died HOW??? HOW.. WHY WERE THE placements in his house..? Why did everyone start hating each other? What happend to Twilight and her friends?

Im sure everyones ASKING these question and I feel like movie should had covered this but maybe its a work for the show.

Thoughts : I really loved the animation! outstaniding and so many refernces and little clues every where that Im not sure I picked these up. So much to notice! The FREAKING pinup calender of Hitch.. GAY... and yeH This leads me to thibk that they are adults like in their 20s? like why else would there be that kind of joke or idk. After all Sunny lives alone too and Izzy? Also Sprout literally has the man child vibes so I doubt they are really young. Late teens at max I think! THE GUARDS were so cute and funny.Dont mind if i SHIP em lol. Also Sprout lowkey gay we all know that. Their worlds were really pretty and I liked how funny sterotypes they all had of each other. The music was so good. Sprouts song is the best!! The ending makes me think SUNNYS wings and horn arent permanent. They were see threw so yeah that wont be a thing in the show so I dont think non of us need to scream about that. Really have so much questions and movie answered so little that it makes me think what did the movie told us? I did really enjoy it but did it explain enough about their current world to us? No absolutely not!

Unicorn/Pegasi/Earth pony:

Another intresting thing to note is how unicorns who use to be higher class ones in g4 are now primitive nations. They live in woods and didnt seem to have any tehnology ? They seem to be like this "hipster" society that lives in woods and collect crysthals and read poems. Anything to just get their time off. Earth ponies have a powerful propaganda going on. A very dictatorship kind of way of thinking. They all work as a little town society like all the tribes but earth ponies propaganda to hate and be scared of unicorns and Pegasi seems much stronger. Their society seems to me like a little town community kind of. They have some technology- doesnt seem to have smartphones but they have movies and other things. Pegasi seems to be most obssed with tehnology and celerbtiy and gossip media. Much like canterlot use to be with lots celebrities and higher class ponies. I guess they just needed soemtjing cuz they lost their abilty to fly so they all came obssed with royal family and celebrities and gossip culture. What im saying each tribe had their own way of coping with things. To unicorns this seemed to be the most hurtful because they had no "fake" hope like the Pegasi had who thought royal family only could fly.

Characthers: Im gonna get hate for this but I really liked Sprout? like I know he is man baby but I thought the dictator ship kind ruling was pretty funny and well he just wanted to make his mom proud. I liked that his mom wasnt insane either? like she saw that the power was getting to his head. Speaking of moms Queen Haven is icon. I like her. She just likes glamour and camera. Nothing wrong with that. I LAUGHED WHEN I SAW THAT THEY HAD GOLDEN JAIL. Pegasi are clearly very wealthy. Zipp to me in this movie was the weakest characther? she barely had any moments of her own. Pipp had more mean energry than i thought like I thought she was gonna be literally like OMG SLAAAY QUEEN YASSS all the time but she gladly wasnt. Im looking forward more to see both of the sisters and their differnces. Kinda reminds me of me and my sister tbh one is all about fashion and expensive things in life and I am well.. I like more earthy things. So im lookin forward seeing those two interact the most.Hitch was pretty cool. He is like mix of applejack and fluttershy. I like him, not bad at all but very charming and clearly adored in town. Ok now the best SUNNY AND IZZY!! they are kinda... fruity hehzhejdjej I MEAN NOT STRAIGHT but also I love how I could see them as literally soulmates in friend way.. the latern thing.. that was so sniff.. I CRIED OK.. SHRED SINGLE TEAR. anywayd Im glad Izzy isnt RANDOM XD RAWR kinda pony I thought shed be. Will see how they are treated later. SUNNY is just precious also SOCIALIST AF.. bruh zjejs idk how I feel about that like she has that vibe love and tolerance to all but it could go so wrong. But Im glad she didnt loose optimism fully in end! She is previous.

The plot is how it is so ILL give this movie solid 8/10. Enjoyable!

Anyways in general I think the movie was good! Go watch it. if not for anything else then the visuals and songs are really good!

[space-city-traffic]

yet again im back on my bullshit so... (gazes with mixed feelings at the TV show Firefly) i could fix him.

my extremely long thoughts about my Own Personal Good Version of Firefly (with plenty of spoilers for the show and the movie) under the cut:

things that are getting axed first thing no question:

out with the whole “let’s add in a thin veneer of Chinese cultural aesthetics out of context for ~flavor~” deal. just no.

instead, let’s hire some actors from a bunch of different cultures and work with them to figure out how their characters would bring those cultures into space with them!! and also hopefully bring some experiences with immigration/alienation/travel into it, since the Whole Core of Firefly is about how humanity always brings our doomed and silly and stubborn and unique warmth with us even into the cold void where nothing is familiar or homey in the slightest.

let’s respect our sex worker character shall we?

i do appreciate that Inara’s work as a companion is described as legitimate and well respected in the show. however please stop having your captain and hero call her a wh*re every five seconds against her clearly expressed wishes and portraying this as just a totally acceptable thing

let’s be more respectful of our characters of color and also have some more diversity, shall we?

others have put it better than me but yeah, the way Zoe and Book are treated is very uncomfy, and the rest of the show is depressingly monochromatic. come on let’s do better.

stop the weird confederacy hat tips

again others have pointed these out with much more thoroughness than I could, but the names of some characters and locations, as well as some of the language used to describe the browncoats, has uncomfortably confederate vibes. instead i propose we very Clearly tip our hats to the Alliance equaling space capitalism instead! you can’t go wrong with space capitalism as a villain.

don’t! make! the! psychotic! character! violent!

listen i love River Tam with my whole heart. but you should absolutely not portray your only character with psychosis as violent because of that psychosis!!!!!!! and yeah, a huge part of her character is that her brain got fucked up by the alliance and so she hallucinates and is also a super ninja. but like. she doesn’t need to be a super ninja for her character to work, okay? the crew does not need to be scared of her for her character to work, okay??? more on this later bc it would take a lot of care and nuance to make her character work but i really think it can be done

things we are absolutely keeping:

found family tropes my fucking beloved

this should be self evident. this is why the show is as appealing as it is despite its flaws, at least in my eyes.

malcolm reynolds, the knight in dusty armor

there’s something so appealing to me about what Mal stands for. because at his core is this ridiculous, silly, stubborn, doomed devotion to what he thinks is important and right, a romantic idealism thinly covered by cynical cowboy platitudes that he thinks make his bleeding heart totally invisible. and he is so obvious and entirely incorrect. bless. this is a man who will do anything for his family, who charges into swordfights to defend his friend from a man who wants to turn her into an object despite having no clue how to hold a sword. at his worst, he starts brawls in bars just for the martyr’s thrill of being persecuted for supporting the right; at his best, he inspires downright religious belief from his crew because he represents a romantic and chivalrous and doomed dedication to the right thing over any practical concerns. and then he throws a “selfish” quip over it with 100% confidence that everyone fell for his clever distraction and believes him to be a dirtbag. he’s oblivious and ridiculous and god he makes me want to be a better person because he’s just so goddamned sincere. stupid, but sincere. 10/10 himbo. <3

Mal and Inara ultraslowburn friends to enemies to friends to lovers to enemies to friends to lovers to friends to...

there’s nothing i love more than a ship that’s just two people who know each other way too well, and they’re each the only one who knows the other well enough to call them out on their bullshit. the way Mal and Inara interact in the show sometimes makes me uncomfy but like. the core of their relationship has to stay.

space western aesthetic

i need the cows on a spaceship scene to stay like i need air okay

that sweet sweet religious shit

mal, who lost his faith in gd and a whole lot else during the war. who lost his faith in himself, and now feels he has to hide the part of him that still wants to be good, because he knows he can’t be anymore, and he feels like it’s embarrassing for a guy like him to want something so unattainable. who takes a preacher on board, and the preacher has lost something, too. the preacher has his own past, and his own questions. but not questions like the observant neurodivergent girl, the one who wants to interact with and understand this thing that’s so important to him, but it just doesn’t click with how her brain works and she feels like something needs to be fixed, either the Bible or herself. and Mal takes care of them all, and slowly, he begins to find gd again, not in a prayer but in humanity. humanity doesn’t need to be fixed, like the alliance thinks. the shining imperfect strawberry sweetness of it in his family’s smiles is something to be worshiped and served and devoted to. and he finds he has something to believe in again. (and his crew find that he’s given them someone to believe in, too. and maybe suddenly he’s a saint.)

and finally, my brilliant ideas as to what i would like to add:

TRANS WOMAN KAYLEE RIGHTS

listen her femininity is so important to me okay? it’s so thrilled about everything that’s pretty, from dresses to the spaceship’s electric innards, and it’s so non-traditional and grease stained until it’s not and it’s pink and ruffly and twirly, and she never sees any of it as a contradiction, because none of it contradicts, it’s all just her! her gender is warmth and love and prettiness, feeling pretty and appreciating the pretty and making her friends’ days pretty too.

i want us to find out she’s trans in that episode with the ball, and i want us to find out alongside Mal who just never asked or never realized. Kaylee gasps and squeals at the dress in the shop window and Mal makes an off handed, ill considered comment, and then... someone yanks him aside and hisses a few very significant words in his ear. and suddenly he remembers what the blue white and pink she painted all over the engine room means, and he knows he has something to make right. so he buys her that dress himself and lets her know just how pretty she looks, and when he walks into that ball with her displayed on his arm like something precious, he looks the proudest out of any man there. and she notices. for a few seconds, of course, until there’s chocolate, and ‘nara, and a chandelier—and some horrible girls, but she’s used to that, until—suddenly, she finds her people. a group of old men who light up when she jokes about compression coils and whack presumptuous boys who ask her to dance. they adopt her as a treasured granddaughter, and Mal is beaming at her like a proud dad, and she finds that one of her new elderly friends gazes a little too long at her bracelet, and so she gives it to xem and teaches xem a few new words, and... it’s a good day, huh? it’s a really good day. (of course, then the captain has to go and punch somebody in the face, but it was a real nice party up until then.)

also she and Simon are both transhet t4t im correct and you know it

time for a better River Tam

the first thing we’ve established is that this version of her is not unpredictably violent and the crew is not scared of her!!!! it makes no sense to take a kid who’s primarily brilliant, experiment on her brain, give her telepathic powers....... and tack on the fact that she also has super strength and speed and dexterity and what not, AND say that they programmed her to be super violent. no! no. not only is that extremely harmful rep, that’s also just stupid.

instead!! my version of River is in fact not terrifying to the crew, but is actually the one they feel safest around. River has always been totally blunt, she was one of those kids you could tell realllllly early was autistic, and she doesn’t like being disengenous at all. so you can always trust her to tell the truth and not play weird passive aggressive games or have any hidden agenda, which makes her just a really chill person to be around. also, one of her longtime special interests is music and dance, so whether or not she’s nonverbal on a given day, there will always be some sort of beautiful sound when she’s around. she does have the singing voice of a dying crow unfortunately but that’s ok bc Simon’s is even worse and they’re both incredibly competitive so you’ll at least get free entertainment out of the affair.

my version of River does have psychosis and hallucinations because of the trauma of the experiments, and they are really troubling to her. she and Simon work together to find ways to cope and meds that help, and it’s a process, but there are some things that help.

the only thing she gained from the academy was the ability to hear people’s thoughts and sense the future a little bit. and yeah, that led to her picking up a few spooky secrets at the beginning, which, yikes. and for a while, it was hard to figure out which voices were real and which were hallucinations. but around her friends, she always feels safe to ask “did you just think about triple cheese burritos or was that just a me thing?”, and they’ll always tell her the truth no matter how embarrassing their thoughts are, bc it’s important to all of them to respect her and help her sort accurately through what’s reality and what’s not. and bit by bit, she gets better and better at figuring out what kinds of things tend to be telepathy and what kinds of things tend to be psychosis, and that each one feels a little different. and because of the trust and respect and support of her found family she’s able to do that in a safe environment!!!

trans man Simon rights

listen i wanted to keep him as just a side note on Kaylee’s list but he is my son and he’s important to my heart so here goes

out on the outer rim where Kaylee’s from, gender ain’t much of a big deal, there’s an individualistic quality to life out there, and so if the trail you blaze is the trail of a woman or a man or neither or both, that’s respected even in the rare cases where it’s not outright encouraged. but in the inner planets, where competition and connections and public faces and family names are everything, you have to be what’s expected of you to survive. you can’t change your brand, you can’t be anything other than what your family planned for you since before you were born, it’s incredibly hard to survive in such a hyper competitive environment, and so your very identity becomes just a tool in how to market yourself for better success.

needless to say Simon (just as autistic as his little sister and also very trans) fuckin hated it there. but he was very good at it. correction: he was very good at his very specific field of STEM, good enough to where people stopped talking about how cute he looked in bows and started talking about how impressive his work was from a very young age. and his work had no gender. he could be whatever he wanted to in equations. so that was where he could express himself, and gd, he got so much praise for it, he never wanted to stop.

not until he discovered that his sister needed him, and ran away, and needed a disguise, and realized... suddenly, every stifling rule and prying eye was a million miles away. he was freefloating, freefalling, with none of the charted paths he’d been following all his life... so you know what? fuck it. he’s always enjoyed the name Simon. and since it’s not on any legal records, it’ll make him just that much more untraceable.

and on Serenity, starting over with new people who never knew him before his transition feels like an unbelievable blessing that just dropped right into his lap. he has to keep up the secrecy, he has to make sure they never find out who he used to be, because gd, it’s so nice when they look at him and say his name right, and he doesn’t know if he can handle losing that, not when it’s so new and so important to the person he’s finally becoming. but then one day, the unthinkable happens, the wanted posters for his arrest have an old name on them, they’re looking for the Tam sisters, and... nothing changes. the crew of Serenity could not give even a tenth of a percent of a fuck, and it doesn’t seem like they even know they’re supposed to. huh. that’s new. Simon could get used to that, he thinks.

i’m sure there’s more i could add, but it’s 4:30 in the morning now, so if more occurs to me, ill simply add it in a reblog tomorrow. if you’ve read down this far, i am in love with you. please let me know your Better Firefly ideas, too, bc im always down to yell about this show!!!

[dirk-has-rabies]

Rabies Pride

so as some of you may have known (or dont if not hi welcome) I created rabies pride as a movement for trans autistic individuals to embrace who they are back in 2017. only a handful (maybe 30 ppl) used it and then one day a kid named spencer (rabidloving) was memed on after one of his OBVIOUSLY SATIRE posts about wanting rabies and being rabiessexual went viral. this completely derailed my movement and destroyed all the foothold it had because people would rather make fun of a mentally ill child who finds comfort in something “strange” than take a step back and let people cope how they wish with satire posts about themselves. (sorry for the petty im still so mad about what happened with him) They ended up chasing him off the website to the point where he had to change his name and make his accounts private. disgusting on this websites side.

during this time ppl were making flags and memes and at first they were playful and nice and ppl could still use rabiosexual and rabies pride in a bit of a similar way as my original definition as they used it to basically mean that they were proud of being someone who was “feral” or highenergy. but even then most the memes were laughing AT the ppl using it and not WITH as most of us thought. 

so here is the original definition and background of rabies pride that i created:

Rabies pride is for Autistic Trans ppl. Its for all the people that were treated like animals, treated like they were contagious or had a deadly disease by classmates/siblings/anyone just for being “too loud” “too hyper” “too close” “too much” due to having autism and being openly trans. for all the people that cant be taken seriously due to things they cant control and where born with. Rabies pride is a movement to accept yourself and find others just like you who agree that you shouldnt have to act like a “normal person” to be able to be yourself. We believe that you are perfect as you and however you grow or expand or learn or love is perfect for you and it doesnt matter how others feel about your identity or brain or self. THATS what Rabies Pride is about. so think twice next time you make a meme about it or make fun of someone using it.

The background of it was back in 2017 a couple of friends and i in college started trying to think of a way to help ourselves feel safer as ourselves and not be ashamed of who we couldnt help being. now most of us were furries and all of us were autistic and trans using cosplay/fursuiting/art/alt fashion as a way of escaping the reality of our brains not matching our bodies. so one night we were all joking around and trying to thing of a movement to make for ourselves since we couldnt make a club at the community college and we thought up feral/cooties/and rabies as the names. since most of us were furries we decided on rabies pride. and it was born.

some FAQ:

Can anyone use it?

legally yes, no one is gunna call u out or stop you but it was created for autistic trans people so i would LIKE if you were both.

Does ADHD count?

yes its also nuerodivergent.

Did you create the flag?

no we also didnt have one before it was stolen so we just use the rabiosexual one in hopes we can reclaim it back from the ppl who made fun of us.

Where did you get your rabies pride merch?

its all handmade except my jacket patches which i got from this lovely old man on ebay here.

If this is the original definition why havnt i heard of it?

Because memes spread faster than the truth everytime. ppl would rather make fun of us than help us 100% of the time.

What about the strangeons deepdive?

it truthfully wasnt that deep. they just looked up the meme history and didnt even talk to anyone involved. im literally mutuals with spencer and his sister and neither of them got messaged yet they made most the video about him and he saw no money from it. again. 

[low-budget-korra]

Lets talk about Korra (again)

i already made this analysis, and it was well received but i dont know, i wanna do it again. Why not right? My english is better now than was when i made that analysis so i think  this one will be better written

What a way to introduce a protagonist. This line and this scene tell us everything we need to know about Korra at that time and everything she knew about herself.

In book one Korra is a 17′s old teenager who have no idea how the world, how life is outside the training center she grew up in and had been locked up since ever. So she is not only naive but have lack of social skills

Oh, and not everyone who lack’s social skills will act like Zuko and Azula okay? Korra can be confident, expressive and outgoing and still have problems when it comes to social skills.One thing dont exclude the other.

“I’m the Avatar and you gotta deal with it” did you guys notice that only for that line we can see the entire opposite on how she treat her role as avatar in comparisson with Aang? And im not here to judge because is two very different contexts.

As far as we know, Korra grew up without friends or romantic partners. Of course, she had her training partners but i believe that they are just that. 

So her entarely perception of herself was around her duty as Avatar, she didnt have personal life, she barely was Korra...She was The avatar and thats that.

So she came to Republic City, it was a mess. 

Its funny to see that she have no touch when it comes to simply talk to people, i guess when you grew up away from society, this happens. And yes, she is cocky and had to learn that people arent there to somewhat please her, and she learned that quicky. 

Thats why the Pro Bending was important for her character, not only for training but also as means of socilization.

Now lets talk about the villains: Amon and Tarrlok

The two of them represents two differents threats to Korra. Amon represents a threat to her duty as Avatar while Tarrlok represents a threat to Korra as a person.

In episode 4 we have what i still thinks is the darker episode from TLOK. In this episode Amon ambushes Korra in the final moments... Even knowing that they did their best to make Amon’s power and control be non-sexualized as possible still...He have her down on her knews, totally helpless and he even invades Korra’s personal space by touching in her face forcing her to look at him. He didn't have to sexually touch her to violate her.

And right after, the fear in Tenzin voice when asking what happened after seeing her laying in the ground like that, and how Korra is sobing in his arms teeling him how powerless and helpless she felt. I mean...Oh, and she keeps terryfied by him until he takes her bending.

Tarrlok in the  other hand doesnt do much different from his brother and started to harass Korra because he cant take ‘no’ as a answer when Korra didnt wanted to join his task force.

Whats interesting is that if it wasnt for Tarrlok harassement and maniputation, Korra wouldnt have joined his task force and wouldnt have confronted Amon and wouldn't have gone through that terrible encounter.

The thing is that Korra is caught right in the middle of a politcal power dispute over the city, something that she for sure wasnt prepare for it. And both Amon and Tarrlok woud hurt or kill her without think twice about it if that means gain  power. And that was exacly what happened

Tarrlok tried to manipulate her and keep her on leash where he could, and when his tatics didnt worked anymore he alreay had a plan B. Yes that whole metal box in that cabin in the middle of nowhere was made especifically for her and maybe Tenzin if he also get in his way.

In the end Korra lost the physical battle against both but won the ethical battle also against both. She was the responsable for expose both of them as corrupted and hypocrites. But at what price? Amon was able to remove the bends of the Avatar. And without them, how could she be the Avatar?

Remember that her entirely conception of herself was built around her duty as Avatar, be the avatar. After all, everything she was, everything she'd trained so hard for, had been destroyed in minutes. Thats why i still strongly believe that she was thinking about killing herself at the end, nobodys goes all sad and crying to in front of a clifft without thinking about jumping from it. 

But she, i think given up the idea and just sit and started to crying when Aang appeared and help her, giving her bendings back in one of the best scenes of the show. So after have everything solve and still managed to get the boy she was in love with, things where great and she “move on”

In that first half, Korra is unbearable. Everything she learned in Book 1 how to be more mature, less spoiled and all, was thrown in the trash and she was the same "child" of the book one only worse.

Until I stopped and realized that I was also unbearable and childish like this when I had my bad phases of anxiety and depression, as defense mechanism and keep people away. Returning to Korra, and if this way of acting of her was nothing more than this defense mechanism?

Because guess what, i dont think she “move on” from all that happened in Book One that fast, and for add more drama she discovered that was her father idea of keeping her locked up training in that training center we saw in book one and not traveling like avatars before her. No wonder she felt betrayed. And for adding even more drama, people still keep treating her like child, so she was despered for some validation. Something that she found in her uncles arms but she was betrayed by him after.

In the end, Korra again goes through a traumatic experience when she has her connection with past lives destroyed. We see how it affected her when she apologizes to Tenzin, through tears. And Tenzin, as the excellent master he is, tries to motivate her to face Vaatu again (now merged with Unalaq, her uncle) and again she saves the day even after go throught a traumatic event

In the final moments, we see the innocent decision to reconnect the world of spirits and the world of men. And we also see Korra and Mako permanently end their turbulent relationship.

Book 3 begins in a more mature, we see all the characters being presented in a more mature way and it seems that Korra now has overcome everything that has passed. We have the relationship between Korra and Asami deepening as well

In Book 3, called "Change" we have a great sacrifice from Korra. Her life goes down a notch when she decides to save the new airbenders from Zaheer and the Red Lotus, the only villain until now that really threat her life since their sole goal was to kill the avatar.

Korra won again but this time victory costed way too much. Yes she save the day again but now she was  physically and psychologically defeated. It was too much, she broke.

Book 4 begins and we only saw Korra in the final minutes and she is unrecognizable. We see that, once proud and courageous avatar, in someone depressed and cowerd. We never have saw Korra like that, even when she was afraid of Amon she wasnt like that.

Korra is afraid of being the Avatar again and her fight against PTSD is still one of the most sensitive, responsable and honest representation of Mentall Issues that i saw, and it was before this subject gain more space on media. It was before people started to give attention to this

I also think that she was having flashs from her other fights and not only the one against Zaheer.

Another thing I think is worth mention is that Korra took 3 years to feel safer and re-embrace her duties as Avatar. It was not 3 weeks or 3 months, it was 3 years. And anyone who suffers from some mental illness knows very well the stigma that is, the fight that is, because everyone wants you to be well faster as possible  when the truth is that many times you spend years fighting against this.  And this is a pressure that falls on you.Imagine, seeing all your friends moving forward while you continue "stock in the same place"?

Only after Korra confronts Zaheer, I think that was a way to show her coping with the trauma, she improves to the point of returning to be the great Avatar we know. I personally still struggles with this scene because put the victim in front of her agressor may not be the best idea but i understand that she needed to see that he was just a man and not the invencible monster her mind was telling her

One of the lines that stuck with me the most was in the TLOK version of the ember island players, the one that made a recap of the show before the finale. When Korra said “I was so naive” just before we watch her narration of her journey, we can feel pain, sadness and strenght. Janet was amazing in the way the delivered this line.

And this fucking quote i saw here on tumblr still is the goat: “The Last Airbender is a story of a boy who becomes a god. The Legend of Korra is the story of a goddess who becomes a girl "

And I still get really pissed when someone comes to talk shit about  Korra because she is such an incredible heroine and her journey is also so incredible.

The story of how life can be hard and unfair, how it can hurt and paralyze, but there is always a reason to move on. We should always move on.

Korra is definitely not weak, quite the opposite, she is one of the if not the strongest heroine I have ever seen. Korra inspires overcoming