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simpsiren · 4 years

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coffee or me?

na jaemin x reader

description: you thought your life was getting boring when all you did was worked as a barista at your father’s coffee shop, that is until you met the med student na jaemin who keeps ordering an unhealthy amount of coffee everyday.

genre: barista!fem reader, med student! jaemin FLUFF!!

warnings: none

word count: 5,105

a/n: so i saw this post on instagram by @/pandawithnojams and decided to write a fanfic on jaemin hehe enjoy :D

your life was a little different from others. instead of further studying your interest, which was architecture after high school, your father immediately asks you to work at his 24 hour coffee shop, Anders, just beside a college. to make you feel worse, the college that was beside Anders was one of the colleges you thought of attending before being told to work.

althought you were not too happy with your father’s decision, you accepted it willingly. your father is the only family member you have left after your mother passed away 3 years ago and you wanted to help your father as much as possible so as to lighten his burden of taking care of himself and you.

“help me clear the tables, princess!” your father shouted from the back of the shop as you moved out of the counter to clear the empty cups on the tables. to be honest, you were starting to like working with your father. you worked as a cashier while you father would be at the back making the drinks, well that is during the day shifts. your father had the idea of you taking on the night shift as well so that you can practice making drinks while not getting stressed over the huge flow of orders that the shop would usually get during the day. you agreed to the idea as you thought of how your father would be able to rest during the night so that he would get plenty of rest for his aging body.

you shook your head with a soft smile as heard your father calling you princess. you were embarrassed that your father kept calling you that but you started finding it cute and you felt the care in his voice everytime he calls you that.

it was 7pm and your father was getting ready to get off his shift before you start your night shift at 7:30. you rushed to your father at the back with the stack of cups in your arms, being cautious of not dropping them. “let me help you clean up.” you said as you saw your father packing up his things. “i can do this myself, please. you dont have to worry.”

you placed the cups in the large sunk and walked over to your father and jerked his side with your elbow. “make sure you rest once you get home alright?” you started to pick up his items on the table, snatching your father’s bag from his hands and putting the items in. you felt his hand resting on your head. you looked up to see his wide and happy grin. “thank you for helping me, elizebeth.” he grabbed you by your shoulders to turn your body to face his before landing a loving kiss on your forehead. you smiled and hugged him tightly. you and your father stayed there away, fully embracing each other’s love. you pulled away shortly after, handing him his bag. he waved you goodbye one last time and you see him off.

you took your phone out of your pocket and one quick look at it and it told you that it was 7:45. you heard the bell on top of the door ringing and immediately went out from the back to attend to the customers.

you have been working till 3am now. it became less and less busy as time went on and you now only had two customers in the shop who were chilling and doing their own thing. fortunately, it finally gave you time to take a break. you pulled a wooden stool beside you and took a seat. you stretched your arms up, interlocking your fingers while doing so and stretching your back in the process, letting out a soft groan. you sighed as you let your arms fall onto your lap and slouched your body.

you leaned forward and rested your head on the palm of your hand, with your elbow on the counter. without you realising, you have drifted off to sleep. well, it was only a short nap. you were able to get some shut eye for about 20 minutes when you heard the ringing of the bell once more. you fluttered your eyes open and turned your attention from the counter top to the door, your eyes were only half open as you watch a figure walking towards the counter.

you heard the footsteps of the person coming closer and finally stopped. “what may i get you?” you asked in a lazy tone, not even bothering to sound like a happy and cheerful cashier at this point as you were not fully awake. you looked at the person standing across the counter, who was looking up at the menu board above the counter. he had round glasses and beautiful blonde hair that was very messy and edgy. a stack of papers were in his arms along with a laptop below it. he wore a large brown cardigan with a white turtle neck, and he looked about your age. with all the observations you made, it was no doubt that the guy was a collage student, and you guessed that he was from the collage nearby.

“can i please get a venti size iced black coffee with 4 shots of espresso? dont add the water, just ice.” his voice sounded as if he was sleepy or exhausted. you clicked your tongue and batted your eyes as you keyed in the order into the machine. you glazed your eyes over the order and sat up straight, tilting your head up to properly look at the man. “woah are you sure that is safe? its going to be very strong.” you warned the person. you have never known anyone who would order something this strong and intense of a coffee ever.

“its fine. i can handle it.” you told him the price and waited for him to give you the money. you placed the money you were given into the cash register and as you were about to give him the change and receipt, he snatches the receipt out of your hand. “keep the change.” with that, he walked away. you raised an eyebrow at him in awe and shrugged, watching him take a seat near the window and placing his stack of papers and laptop on the table.

you took one deep breathe before standing up and going to the back to get his drink ready. it didn’t take you long to make the drink since you were practically an expert in making black coffee, and since he didn’t ask for anything more, you were able to whip it up in a matter of 4 minutes. you poured the drink into a cup along with settling it on top of a small plate before walking out to serve it to him.

you went out and as you were walking towards the table the man was at, you gaped your mouth with shock and tried your best not to spill his drink. the table was scattered and covered with tons of papers and his laptop was placed in front of him, with his fingers typing away from the keyboard. you gulped as you reached there. “your drink.” you said, trying to sound polite as you waited for him to take the drink. you would have placed it down for him but you did not see the slightest bit of space that was not covered with papers. “oh sorry about the mess” he said in a quirky tone.

it took him awhile to realise you were standing there before he reacted though. you eyes were glued to his fingers for that short moment since you were impressed by how fast his typing was. he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and ruffled his hair before quickly running his arm over the table to push some of the papers aside. you placed the cup on the table and said a soft “enjoy your drink.” before going back to take your seat behind the counter.

you went back to the same position you were before, but this time, you were awake and wasnt able to sleep. you looked around the shop and realised that there were cups lying around due to the two customers who were in just now. you didn’t even realise they left you were that tired. you whined to yourself, realising that you have to get back up again to do work just when you took your seat.

you gathered up the strength you have left to stand up once more to clean up the tables. as you were picking up the cup and wiping the table clean with the cloth that was slung over your shoulder, you looked over at the one customer who was still here.

he was writing something on what looks like a worksheet, or perhaps notes. you couldn’t exactly decipher what major he was in based on the sheets of paper laying around the table. you were impressed that he could even fit that many stuff on a small table. he ruffled his hair and scratched his head, tugging on his turtle neck as he stretched his neck from left to right.

it made you chuckle softly in amusement. college really does seem stressful, but maybe he took a major that was difficult. from what your friends told you who did went to college unlike you, there are some majors that are more tiring and energy draining than others.

once you were done cleaning up the tables, you went to the back to clean all the excess dishes that was in the sink, which piled up to quite a height. after awhile, you were finally done with cleaning the dishes and you smiled softly as you thought of how you could finally rest, not entirely but it was still something.

you went back out to take a seat behind the counter and as you were about to close your eyes, you felt the presence of someone standing in front of you. you sighed and looked up to see who it was. “its you again?” you yawned as you took your phone out to check the time. 4am?! and he’s still here? “can i get the same thing i ordered just now?” you furrowed your eyebrows and rubbed your temples. “could’ve told me that before i cleaned all the dishes..” you murmured under your breathe, unaware that he was completely able to hear what you said since it was just you and him in the huge coffee shop.

“im sorry if its troubling you then its fine. although its a 24 hour coffee shop, to which there should always be somebody working.” you heard him say in a sleepy voice, you took this chance to look at his face once more, he looked cute to your surprise. you thought about all the guys that your friends met during college, partying in their dorms and shit. you wished you could experience that. although it sounds depressing, you were living a peaceful content life, not the stressful one that you see his customer experiencing. “um hello?” he asked as you shake your mind out of your thoughts and to reality, realising that you were probably staring at his face like a weird.

“shit sorry sorry ill get your drink ready.” as you were walking to the back, you turned around to see if he was still there, since you completely forgot about asking him to pay. instead, you saw him walking back to the table. you looked down to the counter and saw that there was money on it. you shrugged, assuming that he allowed you the keep the change just like his previous order.

you got his drink ready and went to his table. you saw him laying his head on the keyboard of his laptop, which his arms covering his face completely. you tilted your head as you thought about what to do. should you wake him up? just the drink on the table. you weren’t exactly sure. you let out a soft ‘uh’ as you reached out a finger to poke his shoulder to get him to wake up. “excuse me? your drink is here” you leaned forward slightly and whispered.

you watch the guy lifting his head up and licking his lips, taking off his glasses and wiping his eyes. he looked at his surroundings before looking up to see you with his drink in hand. he didn’t say anything to you and just took the cup out of the hand. you scoffed and went back to the back of the counter. you played with your phone for awhile, realising it was getting pretty late and yet you see the same person typing away on his laptop and resumed working diligently. you let out a sigh and waited for him to get out the shop.

it was about 5am when you finally see him packing up his things, stacking the pieces of paper and laptop, along with packing his stationery into his white tote bag. he doesn’t look back and went straight to the exit, opening the door and left in the blink of an eye. you took this time to shut your eyes just until your father came and resumed working just like any other day.

a few days have passed now and you realised that it was the same guy who keeps coming in during your night shift to do his work till 5am. and everyday, he would order the same thing. tonight was no different.

“black coff-“

“black coffee with 4 shots of espresso. i know.” you simply said. “and you can pay me once i add your order of the same thing later when you get out.”

you wouldn’t consider him a regular customer but since he has only been coming in for a few days, but you felt that it would be easier if you just remembered his drink, to make it easy on the both of you. so, you head to the back to whip up the drink that you have already memorised and have it embedded into your mind.

you got out with the drink in hand, walking over to the same table that he always sat at everyday. “dont you think i should know your name if your going to be coming in here everyday?” you realised that he made an empty spot that wasnt covered with papers on the table, placing the cup down and folding your arms with your weight placed on your right leg.

“its jaemin.. na jaemin.” he gazes his eyes up to you while taking the cup of coffee and taking a sip, maintaining eye contact with you. you hummed and nodded your head. “well im elizebeth. elizebeth riza.” the man who you now know as jaemin nodded his head in response. he twirled his pen around his fingers before placing it down. jaemin ran his hand through his hair before resting his chin on top of his fingers interlocked together, with his elbows on the table. “im majoring in the medical field. if that’s what you’re wondering.” he said, gesturing his head to the papers scattered on the table. you looked at the papers, leaning in to get a closer look, and indeed, it was all related to the medical industry, which was not in your interest at all.

“i also go to the college just next beside the shop, if that’s also what your wondering.” jaemin emphasised on the ‘also’.

“you’re so... observant.” you looked out to the window behind jaemin. you saw the college being dimly light. you looked back down, only to see jaemin tilting his head down and writing something on his paper. “i need to be. its a requirement for my major afterall.” jaemin shrugged as he responded to you, not looking up at all. instead of walking back to your chair behind the counter, you took a seat in front of jaemin. the action made jaemin look up at you with a raised brow, clearly in confusion. “why are you sitting here?” jaemin mumbled as he pushed his round glasses up his nose and typed something into his laptop.

“well i dont really have to work. since you’re the only customer here at this hour.” you simply replied, slouching into the chair as you folded on leg over the other. “wont youre boss be mad or something?” he asked as he scratched the back of his head with his pen. you shrugged and chuckled softly, folding your arms. “my father doesnt mind.” jaemin nodded his head slowly as he was able to catch up quick to know that your father is your boss. “anyways im guessing you’re going to be a regular customer here since you’ve been coming for a few days now and i always take the liberty to know the regular customers of the shop.” you stated

that fact was wrong, clearly. you wanted to get to know him just so maybe you could get someone he knows form the college who majors in architecture to teach you about it. well, it may be because he was cute too, but you focus more on the other objective. despite what you just said, jaemin doesn’t respond. he continued working with full concentration. you hummed as you watch him work, wondering if you should even continue talking to him. you continued watching him work, occasionally scrolling through your phone and looking at the door once in awhile to check if any customers came.

you heard him took a sip of his drink and wrote something down. “your coffee tastes good by the way.” he complimented, again not looking up at you. although it didnt really sound like a compliment since his voice was very monotone and lazy, probably from the tiredness of working. “i used to go to another 24 hour coffee shop that wasnt so popular, but it closed down. so i headed here instead.” you put your phone faced down on the table and looked up to face him. this time however, his eyes were off his work and glued to you. you bit your lip and nodded your head. “that’s nice to hear. but why cant you work in your dorm or at the campus somewhere?” you were curious as to why he would want to come to a place like this rather than having an actually learning facility to do his work at.”

“my roommate always has someone over at my dorm so i cant really concentrate. its just something about coffee shops, you know? like the smell of the place helps to keep me awake, and the coffee of course.” he looked out to the window, admiring the night sky and the dimly lighted city. you did the same as well, but you also admired the person in front of you. he really was good looking and you couldn’t help but stare at his perfect features. “you really do have the same mindset as my father.” you whispered, peering over to the cup to see that it was empty. jaemin saw your. eyes and coughed lightly to get your attention. “can i get another cup?” he asked. you could tell he was draining of exhaustion and looked like he was trying his best to stay awake by breathing in the smell of coffee that was all over the place.

“sure. but im added only 2 shots of espresso thid time. you know its very dangerous for you to be drinking that strong of a coffee. more than 1 cup even. aren’t you a medical student? shouldnt you know this is bad?” you pushed the chair back and stood up, walking over to his side to take the cup. “i used to drink 6 cups a day when i went to the previous coffee shop. dont underestimate my tolerance.” you gaped your mouth in shock. “6 cups?! who the hell is that psychotic to pump that much coffee into their blood!” you furrowed your eyebrows as you looked down at jaemin, who seemed calm and had an innocent looking face despite your reaction. “medical students, dear.” jaemin said sarcastically in a sing song tone, you saw him rolled his eyes as well. you let out a soft ‘tch’ and left to do his drink.

“as promised. 2 shots of- jaemin?” you weren’t surprised to see him falling asleep in the shop once more. you stood beside him, realising that you see a post it note on his now black screened laptop that. you leaned forward, now getting closer to jaemin so as to read the note. dont wake me up. thanks.

you tilted your head and raised an eyebrow. dont wake him up? is he going to sleep here till dawn? why cant he just sleep at his dorm? you scratched your head as you think of what to do. you never had someone sleep overnight at the shop before. you know its open 24 hour but does it mean that you allow people to full on sleep here? you checked the time on your phone and realised that your father should be here any minute now. you shrugged and walked to sit behind the counter, thinking that you can just ask him once he’s here.

you waited for awhile till you see your father coming through the door. you immediately stood up and waited for your father to go to the counter to greet you. “morning, princess!” you father greeted with a smile and walked to the back. you greeted and followed your father. “father im not sure if its allowed but one of the customers who came to the shop at night id currently sleeping.” you said in an unquestionable tone. your father stopped walking and turns around to face you. “i would allow it if there arent many customers so if its gets crowded just wake him up alright?” your father replied to you with a soft smile. he’s always kind, and maybe too kind, but that’s what you love about your father. you gave a quick smile and rushed to the front when you heard customers starting to flow in since it was morning.

it was 9am and your father allowed you to take a break for awhile. you took this chance to sit in front on jaemin, who still had his head resting on his arms and his hoodie over his head. he looked like he was wrapped in a cocoon or something. you giggled softly. you picked up one of his pens that you saw scattered around and took off his hood and poking his hair with the pen.

you hear a soft groan as jaemin lifts his head up, yawning as his eyes fluttered open to look at you. “what time is it?” you blinked when you heard his voice. you keep seeing on the internet about how guys’ “morning voices” sound hot and wow did you experience it the first time when you heard jaemin, not gonna lie, he sounded hot. “uh its 9am. i think you should just sleep at your dorm.” you answered, trying to keep your cool. jaemin sat up straight and ran his hand through his blonde hair a few time before looking at you. “alright. thanks, for letting me sleep here.” he stood up and looked around. the both of you realising that there were a lot of customers. he quickly stood up to gather his things. bit by bit, you helped him stack up his papers and such.

“will i see you again tonight?” you asked as you handed him the stack of papers. he pushes his glasses and smiled softly. “sure.” was all he said before he walked past you and headed out the door.

weeks turn into months of jaemin coming to Anders and you began talking to him more. slowly but surely, you were getting pretty close to him and you felt like close friends. you would occasionally go out to dinner with him when he wants to take a break from work. by dinner you meant a random 24 hour food restaurant. it didn’t have to be all that fancy since every time you spend with jaemin, he was able to fill your time with smiles and laughs. you got to know him a lot more and well, the friendship just blossomed between you two.

“guess what?! its our 1 year friendship anniversary!” you shouted as you twirled your way to jaemin who seemed stress with his work. you frowned as you took a seat in front of him. “hey you good?” you questioned him with concern in your tone. “i have an exam next week. just a lil stress.” jeamin knocked his pen against his head a few times before writing something down. “anything i can help with? this is the most stressed ive seen you, its worrying me.” you leaned forward, pushing aside the laptop to see his face. jaemin looked up to you, pouting cutely. “6 cups of coffee?” you giggled as you stood up walking over to him and running your hand through his hair before flicking his forehead with your middle finger. “in your dreams, jae. im making you regular black coffee.” jaemin whined. you raised an eyebrow and gave him a disgusted look. “dont look at me like that. regular black coffee, just a lil bit strong alright?” jaemin nodded in approval. you smiled at him and made his drink.

you placed the coffee down on the table and sat down across jaemin. you yawned as you placed your chin on the table and watched jaemin drink his coffee. “how the fuck can you stay up everyday to do work? i can never.” you closed your eyes for a moment. “its what i need to do, love.” you always thought that the nicknames jaemin called you like ‘love’ or ‘dear’ felt as though the two of you were in a relationship but you tried to only think of it in a friendly manner.

“yeah well im gonna take a nap. if any customer comes in just wake me up alright?” jaemin hums and watches you fall asleep. he admired your sleeping state for awhile, feeling his heart flutter for a moment before resuming with his work. after about 30 minutes, jaemin sighed in satisfaction. at least he was able to complete almost half of his work. he realised that you were still sleeping. jaemin smiled gently and reaches his hand out to pat your head, running his hand over your head a few times. he rested his chin on his free hand, admiring you once more.

“jae?” jaemin jerked back a little when he saw your opened your eyes, gazing up at him. blood rushed to his cheeks. he felt his face getting hot, out of nervousness he chuckled sheepishly. “your hair felt soft.” he blurted out. you laughed as you sat up straight and rubbed your eyes. “sure it is, jae. yours is way softer.” you rolled your eyes and glanced at the table before making eye contact with jaemin. “are you done with your work?” you leaned forward a little. “hm? i can take a break.” jaemin said as he yawned while covering his mouth.

“hey el? come here for a sec.” you raised your eyebrow in suspicion, blinking at him a few times before standing up and walking over to his side of the table. you stood there, looking down at him for at least 30 seconds. “jae what do you wa-“

you let out a soft gasp when jaemin grabbed you by your waist, making you fall down onto him, your body pressed against his. you lay your hands on his shoulders as you widened your eyes at him. “i never got to tell you this. maybe its my tiredness, or maybe i cant hold it in anymore...” your body froze when he places his head on your neck, feeling his breathe against your skin as you shivered at his touch. you felt his hand that wasnt around your waist slowly creeping up to your chin, holding it gently as he guides your face to meet his.

“but i like you, so much, for so long.” you slowly but surely placed yourself on top of jaemin, sitting on his lap with your hand remaining still on his shoulders. “jae..” you whispered, intentionally going close to his ear. his head moves away from your neck and up to face you. “you think i didnt know that?” you giggled softly as your hands slide down from his shoulder to his chest, making him flinch slightly. “all the times we hung out and spent time together, all the cuddles and shit. it’s very obvious we like each other, jae. i was just waiting for you to make a move.” your murmured.

“shall i make a move now then?” you see the side of jaemin’s mouth curving up slightly. you tilted your head and batted your eyelashes at him teasingly. “technically you already did by pulling me to you but another move wouldn’t hurt.” you teased and waited for a moment. jaemin leaned his face close to yours, his grip on your waist tightens as he pulls you in closer. he looked at your eyes before looking down to your lips. you didn’t move an inch, but you were

so nervous. it was nerve wrecking. you’ve cuddled with jaemin plenty of times as friends, physical touch wasnt new in your friendship. but this, this felt so different. it was intense.

jaemin slowly connected his lips with yours. he brings his hand up to the back on your head and through your hair. you kissed his back slowly as you closed your eyes in satisfaction. feeling his soft lips on yours. although you thought that he wouldn’t be comfortable with kissing you since your lips were pretty chapped, you felt that the way his kisses you was gentle and filled with love.

you made out with him for awhile. his hands roaming around your back while you wrapped your arms around his neck and through his hair. the two of you pulled away at the same time, a string of saliva appeared as you two gasped for air.

“can i have coffee?” jaemin breathed out. you made a thinking face to tease him as you watch him pouting cutely. “coffee or me, na jaemin?” you laughed and swiped all your hair to the front. “you make me choose? how rude.” immediately jaemin pulled you in for another long kiss.

#nct ff #nct fluff #nct dream #nct #nct scenarios #nct jaemin #na jaemin #na jaemin x reader #nct jaemin x reader #jaemin #nct x reader #nct imagines #nct na jaemin #jaemin x reader

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really-sleep-deprived-nerd · 6 years

Text

Feelings Are Odd

Summary: Both Logan and Virgil are in love but confused about what “Love” is. They find a nice solution though.

Pairing: Analogical

Words: 1734

Warnings: None that I can think off. Maybe a tad bit out of character?? Yeah probably Logan is like Very Sappy in this one so. Out of character.

Notes: Do you guys remember that post I made of me using the Nerds TM to vent about my problems with feelings??? Yeah this is the fic and also what goes through my head when I like someone.

I have the first draft for a part two but the chances of me finishing it are infinitesimal, so sorry about that.

Logan knocked on virgil's door and calmly waited for the other to open it. Virgil poked his head from behind the door, looking confused and tired, but when he saw Logan, he smiled.

“Oh, hey L, do you need something?” Virgil asked and Logan nodded.

“Yes, I am in need of your assistance. I am attempting to understand a very strange and complicated feeling I have been having as of late and I would appreciate if you could help me do so.” Logan answered and Virgil gave him a confused look.

“Uh, I'm not saying I won't help you, but, why do you want my help? I mean, I don't understand half of my own feelings most of the time and on top of that, you know a person that is literally feelings personified, so why don't you ask him?” The anxious side asks as he leans on the doorframe.

“While it might be true that you have problems understanding your own feelings, there is no way you could fare worse than me in this emotions matters.” Virgil snorted at that and Logan continued. “And in regards to why I don't ask Patton, the reason is very simple: While Im aware that he and Roman should be considered experts on these matters, they both seem to experience said feelings a lot stronger than I do and I believe they won't be able to completely understand what I mean because of that and my own inability to express my emotions.”

Virgil nods and Logan continues explaining his line of thought. “Since you seem to be the most calm and rational out of the three of the remaining sides I consider myself friends with I thought you might be the best suited to assist me in coming to a conclusion about this.”

“Fair enough. Want us to go to your room? This looks like it's going to be a long chat and we both know what my room does to anyone who stays for too long and if what you want to talk about is important enough for you to ask for help, then I think you would want to keep your head clear for that.”

Logan stopped and thought for a second before nodding. “You are very correct, follow me please.”

The more they approached Logan´s room the more Logan seemed to grow, ironically enough, anxious. Once they were in Logan's room, Virgil sitting cross legged in Logan's desk chair and Logan sitting on his bed, the logical side looked almost scared.

“Well, nerd, spill, what's up?”

“I'm going to say this and I beg of you to don't freak out or get angry at me.” Virgil raised an eyebrow at that and looked at Logan squinting.

“Your feelings are about me, aren't they?” It sounded less like a question and more like an affirmation and Logan sighed.

“Yes, and even though they aren't bad, far from it actually, I'm starting to believe that maybe asking your help wasn't the brightest of ideas”

“No shit sherlock.” Virgil actually laughed. “Logan trust me, its fine, you did what you thought was better and most rational. Honestly, if I wasn't such an anxious mess I would have probably asked for your help with basically the same problem a long time ago.” Logan seemed to physically relax for a second, but then he looked at Virgil confused.

“Why would have you asked my help with feelings?”

“When I feel something strong for someone my anxiety tends to cloud my judgment and makes me second guess my own feelings a lot and it's literally the most frustrating shit I have ever dealt with. I need unbiased logic to try and differentiate what are my true feelings and what are a product of my own fears and anxieties”

“Oh, in that case, feel free to come to me when you are having trouble with that, I will help you to the best of my ability.”

Virgil smiled at him and then gestured at Logan to continue. “Thanks L, now, you were saying, feelings?”

“Ah, yes, I believe I might be harboring romantic feelings towards you, but I'm not entirely sure if they are truly romantic feelings or if they are merely some extremely strong platonic feelings.” Logan said with his face neutral, even if you could hear a tint of nervousness in his voice. Virgil blinked owlishly at him for a second, and then he almost started laughing. Almost.

“Of course, of fucking course you are having the same doubt I have. Goddamnit Logan.” Virgil pinched the bridge of his nose and Logan looked at him curiously.

“Im afraid I don't understand what you mean by “same doubt you have”, would you care to elaborate?”

“I meant that ,remember what I said earlier about my anxiety making me doubt my feelings? Well, I meant exactly that. I have literally the same problem: I think I like you, but I'm not sure if I really like you-like you or if I just really really enjoy your company.” Virgil explained and Logan nodded in understanding. A extremely faint blush creeped up on both of their faces.

“Oh, am I correct in assuming by how irritated you sound that you havent reached a conclusion regarding your feelings?” Virgil nodded and Logan pinched the bridge of his nose. “Then there is a big chance that this conversation will be useless, given the fact that we are both completely lost.”

“I'm not so sure about that.” Virgil argued. “I mean, so far we both have been dealing with our feelings alone and just thinking about them and I'm pretty sure I read something that said that talking about feelings made it easier for you to understand them and deal with them.”

“I believe you might be right, but if we are going to start talking and analyzing my feelings then we are going to do the exact thing with you.”

“Fair enough.” Virgil conceded. “The most basic question to ask is: What do you feel?”

“Has that ever worked for you?”

Virgil barked a laugh at that and shook his head. “No, but you are a lot more smarter than I am, L.”

“Falsehood, we both are brilliant in our own ways.” Logan sighed pinching the bridge of his nose. “It would be wonderful if our brilliancy would apply to the matters of the heart too.”

“Logan you are avoiding my question and you know it.” Virgil reminded. “What do you feel?”

“I…” Logan paused, trying to gather his thoughts. “I feel quite warm and happy when I'm near you, very much comfortable and relaxed, which is odd because I tend to be incredibly stressed most of the time. Have you ever felt something like that? Like you are at peace when you are near me?”

“Yes, actually I, uh, feel like that too, but you put it in words that actually make sense, the difference with me is that instead of stressed I tend to be anxious most of the time.”

“Then I just have this sudden thoughts that feel so strange, but so right at the same time.”

“How? Like when you start rambling about things that you are passionate about and the only thing that comes to my mind is “I could listen to him for hours”?” Virgil asked, just a tad bit embarrassed Logan nodded, blushing just a tiny bit.

“Exactly like that, and even if i'm pretty sure that thinking things like that should be a tell-tale sign that my feelings are indeed romantic I can't help but doubt it because…”

“Because you started having this kind of thoughts after you started entertaining the idea that you might like me?” Virgil supplied and Logan nodded.

“Yes, that and the fact that usually romantic feelings come hand in hand with a feeling of nervousness when you are around the object of your affection and that one should have a bit of trouble speaking coherently or eloquently when near them, but I just feel nothing but warm and peace.”

“Yeah! And people say that when you love someone you are bound to grow jealous of them but I just feel nothing??? Like, why would I feel jealous?? First of all you are my friend, so your happiness comes first and second why the fuck would I care?? If we were dating I trust you to no fuck things up and and since we aren't it's not my damn business to feel like that!”

“Yes! My exact thoughts!” Logan exclaimed.

They grew quiet for a minute or so, until the logical side spoke again.

“Also, it really scares me how fast I know I could just squish this feelings, you know? Like, Im aware that if I ever confessed-”

“Logan we kinda just did that.” Virgil interrupted, heavily amused.

“Yes I know let me finish explaining this- and you didn't feel the same, as long as our friendship keeps onwards like it currently is, I wouldn't really mind that much, and people always seem to be so heartbroken when their crushes don't feel the same about them.”

“I get you, yeah. As long as you are in my life I wouldn't mind staying platonic, Im happy to just get hugs and cuddles.” Virgil said and Logan nodded, a soft smile on his face. “But, the thing is, that was when we were in the dark about what the other felt, and now we know we literally feel the exact same, so, my question is: What do we do now?”

“Excellent question: I have no clue.” Logan practically deadpanned and Virgil laughed.

“Maybe we should just, like, take things slow and keep going how we are right now, but maybe listening to our feelings just a bit more.”

“That sounds satisfactory, but may I inquire what exactly do you mean by listening to our feelings just a bit more?” Logan asked. “Do you mean like when you rest your head in my lap while you are mindlessly scrolling through your phone and Im reading and instead of having to physically restrain myself from start brushing your hair with my fingers like I usually do, I should just, do it?” Logan asked, blushing lightly and Virgil smiled fondly at him.

“Yeah, exactly like that.” He said, stretching as he got up from the chair. “Wanna go watch a movie downstairs?”

“Yes, that would be wonderful.”

#sanders sides #sanders sides fic #analogical #romantic analogical #fluffy analogical #virgil sanders #ts virgil #logan sanders #ts logan

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changji · 5 years

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Here we go I’m finally continuing our convo from like,, last week LOL but anyway 4-5k for an apartment I’m HOLLERING (yes i did it so you’d laugh) I’ve never lived in an apartment before but I’m pretty sure that’s really expensive for one sksks. Also personal chromebooks? My school literally can’t relate we share them with the rest of the students in the school. Tbh I don’t remember much from twilight so I’ll agree w you so that we don’t fight 🥺🥺

I normally go ham when I’m in a pool,, like I’ll start off w my hair up bc I don’t wanna get it wet but when I leave the pool everywhere is soaked. I haven’t played chicken in years?? Oml last time I played I was on my cousins shoulders and I was Puny. Haha most ppl are like “it can’t be that cold here right” and I’m “oh no it gets COLD” which I hate (but it’s colder in the territories so I’m thankful for where I’m at)

I’d rather it be hotter than colder bc at least there’s ac. I mean there’s heat but at least I can still walk outside without snow and ice everywhere. Don’t even get me started on freezing rain and winter tires and shovelling snow and OEUFIHD as you can see I hate the winter here. Tim hortons is so good I literally inhale iced capps 24/7. They’re pretty much blended frozen coffee but it tastes a lot better than it sounds!! I like to think of it as the Canadian pride and joy

I’ve actually never had timmies canned coffee… i’ve had the keurig pods things but they don’t taste as good as getting them from an actual timmies. But hey you never know maybe we will drink from ice bergs one day LOL. I’ll never back out from being your soulmate we’re literally meant To Be 😤😤 iced blonde vanilla lattes are so Good I’d probably inhale them as much as I do with iced capps if they weren’t so expensive

I didn’t even know that milk was a good portion of the drink,, when I saw a starbucks barista fill my cup with 80% milk I was like “hold up what” Your smoothies must be really good if your family specifically wake you up so that you can make them some hhh baker arella? More like smoothie expert arella. i usually make smoothies with whatever works and is in my fridge, but mango will always have my heart

People who eat pancakes plain should be banned from the world that’s disgusting,, you’re literally eating cooked flour,,,,,, I actually haven’t had waffles in 4 years oopsFrench is a mandatory course in grade 9 where I live but then after that you can choose if you wanna continue it or not. ASL classes seem so cool, I would totally take it if it were an option here. German & Japanese seem so hard; I look at the words and here ppl speaking it and I’m like ??? woah okay what’s happening

I’m terrible at English too, but then again I suck at every language? Is that even possible?? Jisung’s literally talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular skskdkf I am a Chan stan but Jisung wrecks me SO hard I can’t with this man. Pls don’t hurt my head too much with the fic I only have one braincell left bit ilyt 🥺 now I wanna try peet’s but I’m probably not going to the US for a hot minute 😔😔

(AJSDHJF I HIT THE LIMIT OF ASKS IM CRYINF) I saw what happened with ur Jisung drawing and I feel your frustration?? I was drawing a photo for an English presentation on photoshop and instead of closing my reference photo tab I closed the drawing (and i didn’t save it beforehand) so I lost the entire thing. Just thinking about it again makes me So Mad like,, how dumb can I be I literally can’t believe I did that!!

School sucks the life outta me I’m dreading going back and school starts in a little over a month? Fav vampire fic PLS I’m honoured. We fr out here as coffee soulmates look at us go 🤧👊

it’s so expensive like. whomst. I LOVE IT WHEN PPL SAY HOLLERING ITS SO FUNNY (ur so cute ily). living in an apartment is just Constant Stress esp bc i always accidentally slam a door open and make a hole in the wall and we have to pay but like i never learn LOL. the chrome books suck tho 😪 i would never fight w u LOL but i love twilight hhhh

today i just learned what “go ham” means like. i never knew. idk if i’m uncultured or ur weird (BUT ACCORDING TO CHAN WEIRS IS GOOD AND HES RIGHT.) i hate swimming sksks i burn easily and im Not here for it. i see why u would prefer the heat esp w snow, but i don’t have snow so i like winter LOL. i feel like i would die if i had to shovel snow like. i tried gardening and i gave up in .2 seconds. it was tough.

ooh an ice capp is like a frappuccino? i used to love them but they became too sweet. i believe in lattes and lattes only. keurig never tastes as good as the OG, i’ve had starbucks, dunkins, and peet’s keurig cups but it’ll never live up 😪 u r my soulmate and i snatched u, u can’t leave even if u wanted. period. LATTES ARE EXPENSIVE like. i pay $6.70 or smth like that bc of the vanilla flavoring and the extra shots. makes me wanna yeet myself off a bridge but there aren’t lattes in hell.

RIGHT omg the first time i saw them make it i was like. where r u giving me a cup of MILK but it tastes good so it’s okay. my stomach has not been cooperating and hurts whenever i get normal milk so i have to ask for almond and pay an extra 25 cents. like damn i $7 for a cup of coffee. but it’s okay it’s still good 🤧

& SMOOTHIE MASTER ARELLA HHHH my family is also Lazy like. it’s not hard to make a smoothie u FOOLS but i mean ig. they’ll just be hoes and force me to make them 😤 but it’s fine bc when i make the smoothies i’m let off of washing dishes 🤪

if u eat a pancake plain ur wrong on so many levels. it’s so painful to see. like. WHY. and cooked flour,,,, ada ur so funny omg waffles are so good like. it’s crispy but pancakes get soggy and it’s Gross. not here for it

i suck @ all languages too like grammar who? i only know keyboard smashes and incoherent screams. jisung is amazing and i love him w my whole soul. he’s such a good wrecker like whY are u so perfect?? i was bin biased but jisung came and made me double biased 🤧 i’m unloyal.

i don’t believe in no brain cells i believe in broken hearts and that’s what this fic is going for. angst angst and angst. i’ll send u peet’s and u send me tim hortons i look forward to gross and melted coffee 🤪

WLSKKSSK TUMBLR RLY OUT HERE UR SO CUTE AHHH i screamed for a good 5 minutes. i’m still upset. like. why did i do this to myself arella u big dumb. omg and did u save urself for the presentation? it’s worse for u bc like. it’s for school 😔 we can be dumb hoes together it’s okay

OVER A MONTH WHEN DO U START i have 2 weeks and a half. 3 weeks? i start on a thursday which is weird but Go Off. i’m gonna drop a class i’m not up for 7 classes esp w an AP and 3 honors 🤧 why did i take those classes i’m actually an idiot hhhhh

i stan ada and ada only (jk binsung but yk what they don’t count) stan TALENT my coffee soulmate ily

#gonna put a read more bc long long post oops #also like. do u have a dog or a cat or like a pet idk #queen ada 💞#mutuals #asks

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69696969696969696969696699 · 6 years

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i just need to shout into the void but i dont want to bother anyone bc im being petty and its my own fault

like i asked my sister what i should do if i cant comprehand reading books and its the day before i have to finish reading it and every time i sat down i didnt understand and then i find out theres like religious undertones or some crap and then it completely lost me and my level of stress has just been rising and rising so im here the day befoe this is supposed to be done reading and my sister say s“email your teacher that you need help use your 504″ but my logic is that its just an excuse im stressed because i got myself in this place the fact i cant read or comprehend the text is my own fault for not having the mental copacity and emailing her the night before its due is jsut not okay because its like i had allll this time to say something but i didnt. also last time i asked for an extention i dicked off for an entire month anf let the stress build up more and she was like “hey can you writye the essay by monday” and so i DID and i turned it in (one of the worst 5am morning its due essays ive ever written no doubt) and i thought writing the essay would releive the streess like a big exhale you know? thats usually my case but it just made me feel worse and i dont know how thats the case. extentions make things worse because im an expert procrastinator and i just can never get my shit together. additionally ihave like so much late work i have to do this year i dont know what my problem is. actually i do wait fuck. im like 75% sure the root of my stress is the fact i started finding pleasure in demeaning myself and it makes . even now see i feel so fucking uneasy thinking about it

call me patrick cus i cant breathe amen thank god for crytyping am i right

please, call me keysmashing; crytyping was my father aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaughhhhhhhhhhh whats poppin aauug..... sss..... fUCK.... aahhhj..

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gettin-bi-bi-bi · 4 years

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1/6 Hi! Im the questioning bi enby anon that is afraid of having ruined their life by questioning lol What can I do if there are no ways to chat to a professional online without spending money (im not economically independent) in my area? I dont live in the US and everything seems to be there. Aside from the pandemic, im not ready to go to any group in person yet. I’m very distressed about my queerness, to the point where it’s difficult to concentrate on other things like study.

2/6Part of me hopes this is not real and im just imagining things.I do have a therapist, but one time she made a weird comment about tinder including multiple sexualities so I never felt good about telling her about my possible bisexuality, but now things have escalated and im having suicidal thoughts in regards of my gender. I talked to an online friend about this but ofc these are things that exceeds him

3/6 i dont want to act on my thoughts, but im tired of having them so I considered talking to my therapist about this and see if she can relocate me with a gender therapist or something (and telling my parents something else) but im not sure if that’s a good idea

4/6 i do keep a journal and a private blog, but sometimes putting my thoughts there doesn’t make me feel better and I struggle to find the words to what im feeling. It used to help me a lot for other things, but for some reason is not as effective for this

5/6 i have joined a group online for nonbinary people but we cant talk about things regarding suicide and it seems like most ppl are more chill about these things that I am and sometimes it makes me feel worse to be in a group because it reminds me that I probably dont fit in standard society. I hate being sad about this.

6/6 so my questions are basically if there is somewhere i can talk to in chat without being US exclusive or requiring money and if it’s a good idea to tell my therapist about this even if she may have some prejudices. Honestly I dont know what to do, i want my life back lol (Tiger answered my previous ask, if they can answer this too it would be nice. If anyone else has something to say its welcome)

Hi anon. Have you actually told your therapist about your suicidal thoughts, if not about the cause of them? I think you do need to talk to a professional about these thoughts, ideally someone who is at least sympathetic towards queer people (if not queer themself) and qualified to address the suicidal thoughts with you (though obviously someone with experience of dealing with suicidal thoughts stemming from sexuality/gender related issues would be best, but may not be possible to find easily). Since you do already have a therapist I think she should at least be your starting point for this. Even if perhaps she doesn’t really understand queer identities she should at least be able to talk through the suicidal thoughts more with you and if she is not able to address the gender/sexuality issues specifically herself perhaps she can point you in the direction of those who are more understanding about those issues specifically (and if she is outright bigoted and unhelpful about this then she’s not a good therapist and you really need a better one but hopefully that won’t be the case, she may well be just lacking an understanding of other identities currently. Lots of people do make vaguely offensive comments about queer identities but because they’re ignorant not because they’re actually hateful).

Also I don’t want to pry too much but are your suicidal thoughts purely coming from your gender/sexuality issues or are there other things too? Other issues that you’re trying to deal with too, or mental health issues, something like depression or anxiety that may itself be causing or contributing to the suicidal thoughts? Because I’m certainly no expert in dealing with these things despite my own issues but if there are other issues in play here then those may need managing (or managing differently to the way they’re being managed currently) in addition to addressing the issues you’re experiencing specifically in regard to your gender/sexuality issues. Again I think that is something your therapist is going to be best placed to address, whether she can deal with it herself or needs to direct you to someone else.

I’m afraid I don’t really know very much myself about what kind of resources there are for people to access, about either specifically queer issues or suicidal thoughts and especially when I don’t know what country you are in. Where actually are you, anon? Unfortunately a lot of things will be US-centric or US-only, but most countries must have some kind of resources for queer people as well as broader support for suicidal people generally. (If anyone does have suggestions for those kind of things that may help anon then please add to this.)

If it helps, you definitely aren’t alone and you aren’t the only one to have issues with or related to your orientation or gender or to feel isolated from ‘standard society’. Maybe it feels like you’re the only one like this but I promise you, you’re not, all of us who don’t fit the ‘norms’ and the ‘standards’ of wider society are probably going to feel excluded or isolated or invisible because of this at some point and feel varying levels of anguish over this. And while many people are chill about their gender or sexuality and some people it’s true never really experience any issues with them, many aren’t really that chill about it at all and only appear so on the surface, or many only become happier and accepting and able to embrace their identities after doing a huge amount of questioning and worrying and stressing out and having to seek help and support from others. And many people are going to be happy about it sometimes and then experience issues at other times, they’re not going to be constantly happy. Also many of your issues related to gender are probably very similar to many binary trans people’s issues and experiences. I know that there is still a lot of erasure of and even bigotry towards non-binary people even within parts of the wider trans community but overall I think there is more understanding and acceptance than erasure and bigotry there, so don’t think you automatically have to limit yourself to non-binary specific groups and communities because there is often huge amounts of overlap between non-binary and binary trans people’s experiences and in some ways they can be practically identical.

My main advice really anyway is try to talk to your therapist about this, she is there to help you and even if she may not feel able to deal with your specific issues herself she still has an obligation to help you and she should be able to guide you towards someone who is better placed to deal with them.

- Tiger

#suicide mention #Anonymous

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randomslasher · 7 years

Note

Hey lj, I want to ask for advice. Its really stupid, but it has been giving me trouble for some time now and I dont know what to do. I have been having thoughts of how none of my friends really like me, that they just tolerate me, that Im a nuciance. And whenever I study and get something wrong, I call myself an idiot and similar phrases. I start crying and breathing harder(just a bit)and it takes a bit to calm down. I hate burdening anyone with this stupid problem but I dont know what to do.

Hey sweetie! It’s definitely not stupid, let me start there. *hugs* I’m no expert but I’m happy to offer what help I can!

First thing to know, what you’re experiencing is very normal. I know that doesn’t really fix it, but know that you’re by far not the first person to ever worry if your friends don’t actually like you, or to feel like you’re stupid because you get something wrong.

These kinds of thoughts and feelings are often called “intrusive thoughts.” Sometimes they’re big, like “why don’t we just jump off this bridge since we’re here,” and sometimes they’re smaller but more insidious, like the ones you’re having-- “your friends don’t like you,” “you’re annoying,” or “you’re stupid.” They’re just as false, but they’re worse in a lot of ways because they are based in your own fears and insecurities, so they feel more real.

The thing is, they’re not. They’re the product of disordered thinking. You may be suffering anxiety or depression (or some combination of both). Or you may just be stressed or going through a rough time. Both of these things are completely valid, by the way! And neither is fun to deal with, but there are some strategies to employ to help get rid of them!

1) Since you’re writing to me and addressing me as LJ, I assume you’re one of my fander friends, but even if you’re not, go watch the Sanders Sides “Anxiety vs Logic” again. There are actually some really good techniques in that one for ignoring your overly-anxious thoughts, or recognizing them as they occur. Off hand, I’d say you’re experiencing “jumping to conclusions” and “magnifying” so pay particular attention to the strategies for both of those.

2) When you find yourself saying nasty things about yourself, try pretending that someone you hate is the one saying it to you. Then you can reply and tell that person how much they’re wrong. Not to get too political here, but for me, someone like Richard Spencer or Trump would be incredibly effective. I’ll argue anything that plops steaming out of their respective mouths, the fuckers. Ahem. Excuse me.

3) A gentler method is to treat your anxious or frightened thoughts as an anxious or frightened character. Virgil is actually a fantastic tool for me--when my anxiety starts acting up a lot, I pause and say things to myself like, “It’s okay, Virgil” or “uh oh, Virgil’s worried about me again.” That works better for anxiety than for meaner thoughts, I guess? But it’s still effective for some!

Most importantly, though, is if you find yourself constantly sad or anxious, seek assistance if you’re able. Tell a parent, friend, teacher. See a doctor if you can, and start taking meds if you haven’t already (or see about adjusting your meds, if you’re already on them. Medication doesn’t ‘fix’ everything all at once, and sometimes it takes time and effort to find a dose or a type that really helps you. Don’t be afraid to tell your doctor if your current meds aren’t working!)

Bottom line: you have worth and value all on your own. No matter what. When you start thinking about your friends not liking you, pause and give yourself 10 reasons why they do. Why you’re a likable person. If I start thinking, “People hate me because I’m fat” or “people hate me because I’m disabled” I’ll pause and say, “Okay, yes. I’m fat and I have a disability, BUT. I also work to be kind, and I love making people laugh and I’m pretty good at putting people at ease, and I cry every time at the opening of Oliver and Company so clearly I’m not a heartless asshole,” etc. Seek your own intrinsic worth, and remember that it’s real! It will be easier to accept the thought that your friends do value you when you remember to value yourself.

And as for intelligence: the whole reason for study is to figure things out that you don’t know. It’s okay to get things wrong! That’s how you learn! And it’s also okay to accept your own limitations. I’ll never be good at math. I just won’t. My brain doesn’t work that way, and numbers baffle me most of the time. But I’m very good at grammar, and linguistics! I instinctively understand things about sentence structure and English that some other people may struggle with. Knowing your strengths will allow you to bolster your own self-confidence when you’re approaching a topic that might not be one of them.

So the TL/DR version of this response is: You are valuable, you’re not wrong for feeling bad sometimes, it’s okay to seek help, and it’s okay to know your own strengths and weaknesses!!

I hope you feel better, anon. Love you!!!

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crankycorviknight · 7 years

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(1) Hi, this is the insomnia anon, thank you for the tips you added to the post. Your advice is really good! The problem is, I panic pretty badly at night, so sometimes in the middle of my anxiety I just end up taking an extra pill because I'll be feeling too revved up to relax and fall asleep. You said you didn't know what I meant about not wanting to be dependent on medication, sorry for not explaining better, but I'll try to give you a better idea of what exactly is going on with me.

(2) I have been on a prescription sleep aid for a while. It was prescribed to me in 2014 after a traumatic event, but I always took it kind of on-and-off, and then towards the end of 2016 + all of 2017 so far, I have had to use it more consistently due to stress from a lot of things keeping me awake. Currently, I'm living a pretty isolated life (no friends nearby), I can't find a job, and am pretty sedentary (I take walks, but can't really do any heavier exercise due to physical health issues).

(3) I know people say there's no shame in needing medication, but I feel like at one point, I could have managed sleeping without needing meds, and I blame myself for it even though I really did try to get help. Like I tried to see a therapist at my university after my trauma, and the therapist specifically asked me if I wanted to make medication part of my treatment plan, and I said no, but then she said she couldn't keep meeting with me because I wasn't enrolled as a student at the time.

(4) Also, my best friend had moved to Korea a month before my traumatic event (she still lives there since it's where her husband lives and they are planning on starting a family soon). So, I think out of desperation for not knowing how else to deal with my trauma and insomnia on my own, and suffering so badly every night, I saw pills as the only way to get my sleeping patterns back to normal, and kept telling myself it would only be a temporary thing.

(5) But then other things started getting worse and unbearable for me, and by then, I realized, "Okay, my body has gotten used to depending on these pills to sleep now" so it makes me feel trapped. The problem is that I don't want to run into a situation where maybe I can't get my prescription filled on time and end up sleepless and feeling awful, or maybe in the future when I'm married and want to become a mommy, I know taking pills could possibly cause a risk during pregnancy.

(6) Plus I just really miss when I didn't have to put so much thought into falling asleep and could just go to bed naturally when I felt sleepy (I literally cannot feel sleepy anymore, unless I medically induce it), not calculate how many pills will give me how many hours of sleep, and all this nonsense. My doctors are pretty much useless because either they tell me to just get used to staying on the pills forever ('cause I guess they think I'm too messed up for anything besides that)

(7) or they tell me they think I should be off the medication, but don't tell me how to do it because "Whoops, sorry, I don't specialize in that." So I realize I am quite alone in this, except for God. He is the only reason I have been able to hang on this long. I don't know how else I would have managed to get through my trauma, my physical health problems, my loneliness, my heartbreak, and everything else that has caused me so much pain that no one around me seems to care about or understand.

(8) But this still feels like such a mess, and when I reach out for help from people in-person, either they don't realize what the problem is and act dismissive, or put all the blame on me for not being able to sleep normally, even though I would do literally anything NOT to suffer with insomnia, anxiety, depression, trauma, and all this other junk going on in my head that started this whole mess. Thank you so much for listening, I hope you're doing well! (End, sorry this ended up being so long)

_____________________________________________________

First of all, I’m so sorry that you’re going through all of this. This sounds incredibly frustrating, and that’s probably an understatement. I’m honored you would open up to me about this. Its not your fault, what you need is help and support, not a cold shoulder or to be told that you’re messing yourself up. You’re in a state of gradual recovery, and I’m sorry its taking so long.

Shoot man this would be the case I would suggest seeing a therapist because from the looks of it this whole thing stems from the event you’re talking about. I don’t want to risk saying something misleading since I’m frankly not an expert or experienced with that, but I hope that at least opening up here has helped a little.

It’s definitely not the same as a therapist and it shouldn’t be a replacement for one but having a support group is important. Like I’ve said you’re more than welcome to talk to me, be it anon or IMs or discord if you’re open for that. And you’ve already messaged her but @my--darling--dear is a sweetie that’ll be more than happy to give you support or cheer you up with silly memes. There’s also @strawberry-milktea ! Rachel is a very kind and calm person, she’d be more than happy to talk to you.

I’m glad that you’re able to go to God with this, because sometimes? That’s all we can really do. I’ve had many, many silent battles. I recently got out of a really bad mindfunk where I had suicidal ideation every day. But I managed to get by every day, and for now, I’m okay. My faith and trust in God was just enough to make it. But I was also blessed with friends who kept me from the edge as well. Maybe I’ll lapse again, I mean, its a part of life to have ups and downs but I have faith that my friends, family, and God will be able to lift me up again whenever that happens. And resting in that helps so much.

It’s hard, sometimes it feels like there’s no response from Him. But logically, nothing can stay the same forever, with God as the exception of course. At one point, this will pass. There will be ups and downs in recovery, but day by day we do get better. Really, that’s the key. Take it one day at a time. Dwell on the promises of God. This dark time won’t last forever. And know you are not alone, and that people like me and Missy care about you very much and want to see you feeling better.

I actually asked a few other family members what they do with their insomnia and I would suggest researching if these are right for you since I deeply respect your desire to be a mother one day and I don’t want to risk your fertility. My dad takes benadryl on a nightly basis and it seems to help him. Other allergy medications also have a drosiness factor to em, I don’t know if it’s strong enough to knock you out but it might be worth looking into?

Also a bud of mine does this, doesn’t work for me as much but ASMR seems to help with relaxation. Not the weird lip smacking stuff, more like rain noises and the such. Mynoise is great (x) since it plays indefinitely and there’s tons of customization and soundscapes. The mobile app is kinda crap though.

Here’s some youtube playlists though that might help. At the very least it could give you some nice tunes.

Abzu OST

Journey OST

Relaxing Twilight Princess Mix

Relaxing Okami music

Again, I’m praying for you, and please feel free to IM or message me whenever!

#long post #insomnia #suicide mention #Anonymous

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anything-advice-blog · 8 years

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Submission

URGENT I feel like I cant handle anything right now and that it’s all too much even though it’s actually hardly anything. Im not even working right now and I know I’ve handled a lot more in the past…but I’m just so exhausted and tired and everything seems too overwhelming for me. I know other people can handle so much more than what I have on my plate, but my depression is making it nearly impossible.

I’m behind on several assignments in my Honors English class and I never do anything for band and I studied today for The first time in months and i haven’t even thought about doing my reading for my psychology class for the week and we also have a project coming up that I haven’t done anything for yet…and I don’t even want to know what my grades are like right now. The shame of turning in a late assignment is something I hate as well, so I try to avoid it by just giving up on those assignments and focusing on current and future ones

I also have so many chores to get done around the house and I have several projects that need to be finished and my room looks like a disaster zone and I just don’t even know where to begin with cleaning it

My parents are breathing down my neck about this and it just makes me want to shut down and not do anything. I feel so guilty for ever enjoying myself at all because I know I don’t deserve it considering I’m such a mess. College is right around the corner as well and I’m afraid I won’t get any scholarships. I got accepted to every college I applied to and several more are begging me to apply but it’s just so much to think about and I want to avoid it!!!

I’ve never experienced this before because I’ve always been such a perfect student but stress and anxiety and depression are weighing heavier on me than ever before and I’m hardly getting myself out of bed to get to class on time this year.

Hey there!

Do you have a school counselor you can talk to? They're experts at helping struggling students, and can help you figure out strategies to get you back on your feet. They're usually a very under-utilized part of the school system, so if you ask them for help they'll almost always have time to help you, and that's what they're there for! So I think the first step is takling to your school counselor and asking them to help you. They might suggest that you drop some of the more difficult classes, or they might just help you figure out how to get ahead on your coursework.

For me, the biggest problem with missing/behind assignments is that I look at how many I have and get so overwhelmed that I can't start on any of them. If that's a problem for you, something that can help is breaking them down. Firstly break them down into categories. Figure out what assignments you /have/ to do, what assignments you should do, but could let go of, and what assignments really don't matter for your grade. Focus on finishing the ones that you have to do first, and then work on current assignments, and if you have time/energy, work on the ones in the "should do, but could let go of" category.

Another way to help you get on top of your assignments/studying habits is to make and stick to a schedule, and reward yourself! Either decide to study/do work for half an hour after you get home, or decide that you get to relax for half an hour and then you have to study/do work for half an hour. After that 30 minutes, reward yourself with candy or your favorite food, or some other reward like playing with your pets or listening to your favorite music!

Do the same thing with your chores! Write down every chore you need to do, and then break those down into categories and prioritize them from there. Work on things that could be health hazards first, like doing dishes and taking out the garbage, and then work on hygeine things like doing laundry and washing your bedding, then finally work on organization things like picking up your room and making your bed. Having a clean room and a clean house can do wonders for your productivity, and can sometimes make you feel less depressed as well.

Additionally, I think you should talk to your parents about how you're struggling and how they're making it worse, and also how they can help you. Don't just say "You're making me shut down and feel terrible about my missing work", say "I need help prioritizing my missing assignments, can you work with me?" or ask them to help you with your chores because you need to focus on school. See if they'll make an agreement with you where they'll do some of your chores if you study for X amount of time per day/week.

Finally, I know this cliche and super annoying, but look at the positives! Sometimes, when everything feels dark and overwhelming, that little light that is a positive thought can help bring you out of it. Every single college you applied to accepted you. That's amazing! That right there is a reason to celebrate and enjoy yourself! You're in Honors English, that's a high level class that's super difficult to get in to, it's awesome that you're in it, even if you're struggling! Some parts of your life feel messy and dark right now, but there are definitely positive things happening and you will get through this.

I hope this helps!

♥ - Ren

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greggreaen · 6 years

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Stop Stretching?! Hypermobility and Finding Stability. Prevent Injury + Get Rid Of Pain!

Can too much stretching be bad for you? Learn the dangers of Hypermobility and prevent painful injuries with these helpful tips.

Holy Hypermobile Shoulders!!

Some people are bendy and some people are stiff. Being bendy can be a major concern (especially for women) and often hypermobile people aren’t aware of their own mobility. I want to provide some information about how you can both identify if you’re hypermobile (AKA bendy), and provide some suggestions for developing greater stability for less pain and greater results.

Lets Talk About Hypermobility…

Any medical information included is based on a personal experience. For questions or concerns regarding health or diagnoses, please consult a doctor or medical professional.

People with hypermobility are advised to build strength to the muscles and avoid stretching as this can cause long-term damage to the joints.

One of the biggest mistakes people make in fitness is assuming everyone should train exactly the same way. Obviously, this line of thinking is incorrect for a variety of reasons, but perhaps none stands out as more important to appreciate as joint hypermobility.

Hypermobility, exercise and injury prevention

The crazy thing is, many people who are bendy (aka Hypermobile) don’t even KNOW that they are! So they get random injuries and experience pain without ever knowing how to properly train their bodies.

Being a hypermobile person myself, I’ve gotten a lot of random injuries from being TOO bendy (high hamstring tendonitis was the WORST one!). I wish I had known MORE about Hypermobility when I was younger. But I’ve learned a LOT over the years on how to control my hypermobility and train smarter. Most importantly, I have to constantly remind myself NOT to keep stretching an already excessive loose joint and NOT to go to full end range of motion in exercise. In other words, training with hypermobility is more about what you don’t do than what you do actually do.

SMART training as a Hypermobile person equals building body awareness and strong muscles. Confused still? You are not alone. Join the millions of people who don’t know anything about mobility and still subscribe to the belief that stretching needs to be done daily for optimal health. But then again, people still believe in 80’s aerobics and hours of cardio…. and look where thats getting them = out of shape, injured, and a whole bunch of nowhere. Sounds frustrating? It is. That’s why I want to shine a little bit of light for you and give you some resources to help you understand further.

Are you Hypermobile?

You see, some individuals have more congenital laxity than others. This essentially means their ligaments (which connect bone to bone) have a bit more give to them. As a result, they can have substantially more flexibility because of the lack of passive stiffness. The active restraints — muscles and tendons — have to work harder to create stability at the hypermobile joints.

Unfortunately, we’re naturally drawn to doing what we’re good at doing, and that’s why you see a lot of really bendy, loose-jointed folks at yoga and Pilates classes when a well-designed strength training program (to create good stiffness) probably would offer quicker benefits. That’s not to say that yoga and Pilates aren’t amazing; I’m just saying that these initiatives ought to be biased toward drills that promote building stability within the joint range of motion that’s already present (as opposed to trying to become even more flexible).

Excessive laxity (bendy-ness) creates instability and this makes joints vulnerable not only to injury but increased wear and tear. Hypermobility predisposes individuals up to a host of not so fun musculoskeletal issues, ranging from ankle sprains to shoulder subluxations to stress fractures to hernias to early osteoarthritis.

I know this concept may feel difficult to grasp (it was for me too!). But if you are even slightly hypermobile somewhere in your body, learning to understand how to train your unique body and create STABILITY will benefit you in so many ways.

Of course, it’s important to actually be able to identify if you’re hypermobile. How do you know if you are?

Top signs of Hypermobility:

Increased Flexibility – ‘double-jointedness

Skin – extra soft, silky-smooth skin that is very thin, easily bruises and is slow to heal

Frequent Injury – accident prone and clumsy, due to decreased proprioception (the body’s sense of its own movement through 3D space)

Anesthesia Problems – anesthetics (such as novicaine and lignocaine) take longer to take affect and ware off faster than normal

Joint Pain – frequent joint pain which does not respond to typical treatments such as ice, rest and anti-inflammatory medication, can be brought about suddenly without any direct injury or trauma and lasts longer than normal muscle inflammation

You can also try a Beighton Hypermobility test to assess if this may be an issue for you.

Many trainers mistakenly assume all individuals are incredibly tight and need to stretch until the cows come home. This is NOT a good training plan for a hypermobile person! Stretch them and they get worse. Build stability and they will thrive. The proof is in the pudding – Hypermobile folks will experience LESS pain through strength (speaking from experience here!). Individuals with hypermobility can reduce their risk of developing injury and train effectively by doing the following…

Training Plan for the hypermobile to prevent injury and improve performance

Improve muscle tone. Exercise that helps build muscle tone will assist in reducing the demands on hypermobile joints. Muscles help generate, decelerate and dissipate force from movement sparing the ligaments. Good muscle tone can also create some stability around joints.

Movement Education. Any movement regardless of its nature, be it flexibility, strength or conditioning work should be performed accurately with control and awareness. Focusing on correct engagement of the muscles and initiating good movement patterns will help protect vulnerable joints.

If you are hypermobile, building STRENGTH and teaching yourself HOW to use the RIGHT muscles with proper movement patterns will allow you to achieve your goals quicker and with fewer injuries.

This is the reason I created my Strong Body Program – to help you prevent injury through following a well thought out PLAN of safe fitness programming. I teach you HOW to execute proper form in exercises (feel things where you should!) and HOW to balance your love of cardio (and yoga!) with strength for optimal results. This allows you to build BALANCE in your body that can keep you pain free for life.

Exercises that help with Hypermobility included and taught in the Strong Body Training program:

Core Stability/Breathing /Lumbar Spine

Birddogs

Deadbugs

Glute Marches w/ shoulders on a bench on on the floor (only do these if you have a proper glute bridge down already)

90/90 Hip Lifts

Planks

Glute/Hamstring Activation

Glute bridges, or Hip Thrusts and/or single leg variations

Clamshells

Birddogs

Wall RDL’s

Bowler Squats

Single leg RDLs

Shoulder/Back/Thoracic Spine

Deadhang Lat Shrugs

Yoga Pushups

Wall Slides

Scap Pushups

Quadruped Triple Extension

Prone Lower Trap Raises

The Strong Body program is also a great course to follow if you are coming BACK from an injury and want to ease your way SAFELY into active living. Many of my Hurt Foot students have used Strong Body to transition smoothly back into 100%. The best part is the 6 weeks of scheduling can be taken at your own pace – you get to customize HOW you use the course in a way that works for you. This allows you to use and re-use the program on your schedule for lasting results in your healthy lifestyle. It’s a one time investment that pays you back time and time again.

If you are a Hypermobile person I know exactly how you feel. Strength training will be HARD for you. But it is also worth it. SO WORTH IT. And it can change your life.

If you are ready to get strong, prevent injury, and see REAL results with your body, the Strong Body program is for you.

Click here to enroll and let’s get you feeling GOOD now.

As a special for all you MOBILE people out there, I am offering a exclusive one-time discount on the course enrollment. Use the code, “GETSTRONG” here for 15% off. I want so badly to help you prevent pain from cramping your active lifestyle. I believe you can do this. And I want to be your coach.

For more reading on Hypermobility and stretching injuries, check out these helpful articles:

How I got my butt back, the surprising injury that taught me how to move again.

Are you gumby?! Hypermobility and whats bad about too much flexibility.

Growing up with hypermobility.

Is Too Much Stretching Bad for You? Yoga Tune Up Takes You From Floppy to Fit. So incredibly grateful for Jill Miller and her powerful work.

When Flexibility becomes a liability

How To Avoid Hip Injuries From Yoga. Great modifications for all your favorite postures if you like to “sink into” your asanas.

Yoga Poses That Can Hurt You.

Expert Advice: How to Prevent Yoga Injuries with Strength Training

Mobility WOD. Fantastic resource written by Doctor of Physical Therapy and CrossFit coach Kelly Starrett.

I hope this gave you a better idea of the dangers of too much flexibility/ hypermobility and helped you determine whether it’s an issue for you. This is a starting point for how to fix it and get back to the important stuff – like living a pain free, active life. Im here to help you be smart, move well, and live a strong life. Be sure to use the code, “GETSTRONG” here for 15% off and start getting a STRONG BODY now. May you continue to listen to your body and invest in giving yourself what you need to feel your very best. Here’s to keeping your body healthy and pain free for life!

Caroline

Other Things To Check Out:

Get rid of knee pain with these quick routines.

How to take rest days without feeling guilty about it. Do you need a rest day?

Is the Vegan Diet right for you? Click here to find out now.

How to start and maintain a consistent exercise routine.

Why your fitness routine isnt working.

The post Stop Stretching?! Hypermobility and Finding Stability. Prevent Injury + Get Rid Of Pain! appeared first on Caroline Jordan.

Stop Stretching?! Hypermobility and Finding Stability. Prevent Injury + Get Rid Of Pain! published first on http://www.carolinejordanfitness.com

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chrisabraham · 7 years

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My giant wallet could be giving me sciatica!

Not long after I started this blog I pinched my sciatic nerve and then wrote Fighting sciatica and fascial adhesion with a massage stick. A couple months later, it happened again and I wrote Oy! My lumbago! So, tonight I have the third race in my 5-race 5k series, Crystal City 5k Fridays and am nursing a pinched nerve that I'll call sciatica again. I ran off to grab lunch with Bob Fine in DC on my motorcycle and realized that I sit on a giant natural leather Tanner Goods Utility Bifold wallet that sits in the right pocket of my jeans all the time -- pressing right on my sciatic nerve.

I was asking around and Tara Penelope Calishain told me on Facebook that the pressure of carrying a big fat leather wallet in your back pocket, and the resulting pressure on the sciatic nerve when compressed or otherwise irritated by the piriformis muscle, causes the sort of pain, tingling and numbness in the buttocks and descending into the leg. It's is called piriformis syndrome. I know that my weight is a major part of this and that I sometimes wear jeans that are too tight around the waist when my weight fluctuates that there's a lot of pressure and stress on that region. And when I am working out a lot, the muscles swell, further exacerbating the syndrome and thus the pain.

So, now I am wondering if I should still run the 5k tonight -- just 3-hours away. I have felt a lot better today so I might chance it. But if I do, I will surely need to make sure that I do a lot of rolling and massage sticking in order to fight the pesky sciatica and fascial adhesion. Not everyone thinks I should go for it. Here's the advice I have received from my lovely friends on Facebook: On the Sciatic Pain and Running the 5K:

Susan Decoteau-Ferrier: My husband had sciatic pain. He stopped carrying his wallet in his back pocket all the time and the sciatic pain disappeared. Also, get Turmeric capsules. They are a natural anti-inflammatory. Paul Monaco: I made the switch to a money clip, what a difference. Would never go back for both comfort and simplicity. Linda Ferger Pekunka: suggested I stand with your back to the walk, feet about a foot apart. Bending your knees slowly slide your back down the wall till the small of your back is flush with the wall hold for 15 seconds and slowly stand back up. Do about 3 times and repeat a few times a day. Also sleep in a fetal position with a flat pillow between your knees. Both these tips relieves pressure from your spine. Good luck!

Stevie Wilson: Chris Abraham in the short term, get a lumbar support cushion for car and chair. Also watch how you ride your bike. and slow down (and maybe stop) the rowing. That could be the culprit. Not saying (forever) .. just for short term. (worse outcomes possible if you don't. ) Stephen Dee: You're not going to find an overnight cure. You may find something topical to help ease the pain. Some athletes will not like the following advice: Take a couple of ibuprophen a couple of hours before the race. They'll help with inflammation and pain. Line up to run the race; it's short. If you find yourself a bit uncomfortable, carry on. If it's killing you stop. Anywhere in between is a judgement call. Beyond this, hie thee to a PT specialist.

Sidney Billingsley: Fill a camelback with Gatorade and vodka. You will finish the race, you might puke but your back won't hurt . Jerome Cole: Don't do the run. Not worth the risk. Wait until this problem resolves. And I am speaking from experience here. I had a pinched nerve, exerted myself against the advice of doctors, and suffered grievously for about a month. Don't do it. Stevie Wilson: You should do alternating ice and heat (Ice first to reduce inflammation, then heat) every 30 mins. You need to watch Sitting posture too. Do you have lumbar support? Take care tonight. Epsom salt bath, ibuprofen , ice & heat .see how you feel tomorrow . If you want definitive answer tonight, then take a pass and see a doc to get a referral to PT. You know the answer already ... right now

Stephen Dee: Stevie Wilson called it. If you're in agony, do NOT run. If you're a bit achy, line up for the start (having taken ibuprofen) and see how you feel. Sometimes aches will abate with movement and exercise and sometimes they'll get worse. If you find you can walk fine but can't run without serious pain, just walk the 5k. It's a judgement call that only you can make. Minna Aslama Horowitz: Been there. Don't stretch -- often that intensifies the pain and pinches the nerve further. On the Big Fat Wallet: Tara Penelope Calishain: This is apparently a thing: Piriformis syndrome Sidney Billingsley: I carry my wallet in my front pocket for this very reason. Jeff Lang: Stop doing that. Seriously, don't do that. Paul Monaco: I made the switch to a money clip, what a difference. Would never go back for both comfort and simplicity. Susan Decoteau-Ferrier: My husband had sciatic pain. He stopped carrying his wallet in his back pocket all the time and the sciatic pain disappeared. Also, get Turmeric capsules. They are a natural anti-inflammatory. And here's some advice from Reddit:

Astronomicca via /r/running: It's called the "iskias nerve" and that nerve goes between the muscles in the lower back and down through the back of the legs. When you work out, e.g. run, the muscles swell and are squeezing the nerve. This causes pain in the lower back and even down through the back of the legs. The pain will go away when the muscle is done being swelled. My doctor said that the construction of the iskias nerve going through those muscles is the only thing on the human body that is stupidly designed :) Reason is obviously that using you lower back muscles can squeeze the nerve. I've tried it and it's painful but it goes away. I don't believe it's more dangerous than many other things runners put themselves through :) Manytoedsloth via /r/C25K: It's not our advice to give. No one here can tell you for sure, let alone should you trust anyone to comment on something so important. If you can't contact a professional to ask, I'd advise to sit this one out. If you're determined to race, I have no idea at all about exercises but rest is better than doing an exercise wrong. Lastly, if the pain becomes worse during the 5k, don't be stubborn - you risk making a minor injury worse and it could even become something that plagues you for months or years. Why push? There will be more races in the future - be safe with this one and you'll be fit for the later ones! Sdr4wkcab via /r/running: I have sciatica and I have found a few stretches that help relieve my pain. I do them every morning and at night. I also try to do planks and lunges (this helps strengthen my core and my glutes) which I find helps with my lower back pain. This video was very informative. This one has a stretch that I feel helps a lot. I also do the cat/cow stretch. And the top 2 stretches here, I haven't tried the bottom 2 but they look interesting. As with everything like this stop if anything starts to hurt more or feels bad. And if it continues see your doctor or a chiropractor. Good Luck! Mauser98 via /r/running: I have been having this problem also for a few months now, im 5'5 140 pounds and when I get about a mile into my run I get the same lower back pinch. Its so frustrating because I love running but its become difficult lately. I don't know what to do, I hope its nothing serious. TesticlesMcTitties via /r/running: If I were you I'd do a lot of foam rolling and that's it. During your run, concentrate on keeping your hips flat (vertical) and your core tight to mitigate the pain. From Instagram: Danieljohnsonjr: I've been keeping mine in a front pocket ever since I began to get sciata. Hasn't been a problem since. Chris_december: I keep my wallet either in my messenger bag, cargo side pockets or in the front. Never been comfortable sitting on them. Later on, I read that wallets affect the spine if kept in the back pocket. Saved without realizing the medical reason :P Noguiltfitness: Unfortunately - not coincidence at all. My chiro had me move mine over a decade ago. I'll recommend a couple of good ones to you On FB - along with the link to a great hip mobility program. I can honestly say - best program ever - keeps me out of a lot of pain. Here's the original post I made on /r/Running, /r/C25K, and Facebook: I have a 5k tomorrow but I have a pinch in my lower back that goes away when I walk but come back when I sit -- do I rest it, stretch it, work it, ignore it? You advice needed. What my massage therapist said is true: once you get a lower back nerve pinch it might become chronic. Right now, I am looking for stretches or exercises that can help me work this out. Should I really just be relaxing it, let it relax, heal, and maybe the "swelling" or whatever is happening will go away. I have my 3rd 5k run tomorrow at 6:30 and I intend to run it. I run slow, that's for sure. And I assume I won't be making it work. Right now, I feel good when I am either on my back or side or standing up at my standing treadmill desk, whether I am just standing or just walking along at 2mph. I am not asking for medical help, I am just asking for your advice. Thanks in advance. PS: I do have both a long roller stick and also a black foam roller, if there are any stretches, yoga moves, or roller moves that have worked for you in the past. PPS: Yes, losing 80-100 pounds is probably the #1 best thing for me to do, but until then Upon more research, it looks like there's something called Walletitis:

The Claim: Keeping a Wallet in Your Back Pocket Can Cause Sciatica THE FACTS A wallet stuffed with business cards or scraps of paper might seem like more of an eyesore than a health hazard. But one old bromide holds that a thick wallet - or even one that's not so thick - can harm the lower back for those sit on it for too long. And while experts says the fears are probably exaggerated, the wallet can definitely carry some hazards. Although it was popularized by an episode of the "Seinfeld" series in the 1990's, the phenomenon was first described in a brief article in The New England Journal of Medicine in 1966, when credit cards were beginning to proliferate. The report, about a lawyer who suffered aches and pains in the left leg, not far from a wallet growing thick with charge cards, referred to the condition as "credit-carditis." Although that term never quite caught on, doctors say the condition has become increasingly common. Its onset is gradual, caused by an object that presses on the piriformis muscle in the buttocks, which is connected to the sciatic nerve, which runs down the leg. Over time, a person can develop radiating pain in the back and hip area. "Just the other day, I had to tell one patient with back pain to remove at least 20 years of stored data from his wallet," said Dr. Gerard P. Varlotta of the New York University School of Medicine. Wallets are not the only culprits. Numerous case reports have linked the condition to various back-pocket objects like large handkerchiefs and golf balls. THE BOTTOM LINE Keeping a thick wallet or object in the back pocket can gradually cause sciatica. By ANAHAD O'CONNOR, New York Times And here's the original New York Times article, The Claim: Keeping a Wallet in Your Back Pocket Can Cause Sciatica by ANAHAD O'CONNOR THE FACTS A wallet stuffed with business cards or scraps of paper might seem like more of an eyesore than a health hazard. But one old bromide holds that a thick wallet - or even one that's not so thick - can harm the lower back for those sit on it for too long. And while experts says the fears are probably exaggerated, the wallet can definitely carry some hazards. Although it was popularized by an episode of the "Seinfeld" series in the 1990's, the phenomenon was first described in a brief article in The New England Journal of Medicine in 1966, when credit cards were beginning to proliferate. The report, about a lawyer who suffered aches and pains in the left leg, not far from a wallet growing thick with charge cards, referred to the condition as "credit-carditis." Although that term never quite caught on, doctors say the condition has become increasingly common. Its onset is gradual, caused by an object that presses on the piriformis muscle in the buttocks, which is connected to the sciatic nerve, which runs down the leg. Over time, a person can develop radiating pain in the back and hip area. "Just the other day, I had to tell one patient with back pain to remove at least 20 years of stored data from his wallet," said Dr. Gerard P. Varlotta of the New York University School of Medicine. Wallets are not the only culprits. Numerous case reports have linked the condition to various back-pocket objects like large handkerchiefs and golf balls. THE BOTTOM LINE Keeping a thick wallet or object in the back pocket can gradually cause sciatica. [email protected] Well, it looks to me like I really need to stop wearing this amazing and gorgeous Tanner Goods Utility Bifold in natural -- so very sad. Read the full article

#Abdomen #AbrahamLincoln #Achillestendinitis #Analgesic #Barnes&Noble #Bitcoin #CentersforDiseaseControlandPrevention #Facebook #Lumbar #MarkZuckerberg #Muscle #Organizingprinciple #Pain #Piriformissyndrome #Sciaticnerve #Sciatica #Streamingmedia #UniversalSerialBus

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hellogreenergrass · 8 years

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Signy Island - Week Ten

13th Feb

As a job, field work is unusual for many reasons, but especially because you need to be OK with both your own company and that of others for long periods. You also need to be tolerant of a disconcerting amount of self-reflection and personal psychotherapy, self-administered without much warning, due to the amount of time you have to spend working on your own/wandering about hills. I’m quite comfortable with both my own and other peoples company, in about equal measures I’d say. That being 50% of the time I am happier on my own and 50% of the time would rather be with others. Sometimes my mood and circumstance correlate, other times less so….

Being on a small island with six people who you live and work with all day, every day (despite them being very lovely and all, I cannot stress this enough!) and cannot escape from without having to inform them of the fact via route cards, VHF radios, appropriate clothing, a designated time slot, a will, a note from your mum, and a renewed membership to your local swimming baths…is beginning to grate a little. As a consequence I’ve been a bit uncoordinated with my desire for company and moods lately. This has led to long, unwanted bouts of self-reflection on my behaviour. The horrifying conclusion being that I fear those ex-boyfriends may have been occasionally right about me!

Despite being a usually patient, kind, cheery, sing-songy type person who makes a lot of unnecessary noise in pursuit of saying and doing unnecessary silly things to make people equally as cheery – I can also be sullenly quiet and bitterly stroppy on occasion. This can be triggered by the following: headaches scaled from niggling dull throb to migranes (which I get often); people in the kitchen when Im cooking; people eating noisily, or worse noisily with their mouths open like masticating cows; too much work; too little work; the wrong tea; the right tea, but not made for me; hormones; a changing tide; the transit of Venus; a butterfly flapping its wings in China….and so forth. I think of these phases post-hoc as my “little funks” As if they were harmless little splodges on rug that were easily cleaned up and forgotten about. Rather than them actually being a large gift from the cat quietly hidden behind the sofa, but you know it is in the room as the air is so deeply scented that it alters the very atmosphere and chokes you…

14th Feb

You know that scene in Labyrinth where David Bowie holds court with the Goblins just before he sings “Dance Magic Dance”? Well, that noise that the Goblins make, that’s the sound of the apparently hysterical petrels that I can hear outside my bedroom right now. Very peculiar.

They aren’t the only hysterical birds: Yesterday I was dive bombed three times by a screaming banshee. The Skua is back, and heavily on my case. On the third and final swooping it waited until it was level with and 50cm from my ear, before squawking loudly, causing me to leap into the air in alarm squawking my own series of expletives in return call. It then sat quietly nearby and watched me work through slitted eyes. When I moved it looked away from me and became preoccupied with its feathers, or a bit of lichen on the rock, as if they were the whole reason it was there afterall. It got bored with me shortly after and left me be. Which was actually a bit disappointing.

Lab work today kept me out of the skua’s way – desorption of the ions from my fancy soil membranes that came in yesterday. Had to work a second late night in a row to get it done.

15th Feb

Going back to bullet points. Handwriting is overrated, archaic and beside my pen is running out.

Wrote 3000 words this morning for two new BAS articles: Signy Island Part 1 & 2.

Committee meeting stuff- arranged phone call with the British Ecological Society for next week and caught up with Athena Swan stuff

Put out 40m x 40m grid with Aqlima, up on the backslope. Sun shone. Skuas harassed me, and only me…

Snap froze 20 Alaskozetes from Cummings

BBC looking for “women experts”, but they want a 2 min long video uploaded to YouTube. Not gonna happen with our bandwidth. I sent them an email explaining and attached a picture of a cute penguin as bait.

Beat, nay smashed my rowing PB! 956 strokes in 25m. Also on 220 step runs, which with the dodgy knee and wrecked ankle combo was good going. I want to buy a rowing machine.

16th Feb

I really need a new pen. But this one matches my diary so this is an upsetting turn of events.

Good day today (co-ordinating pen woes aside), although I didn’t go anywhere. On earlies today, but woke at 6am feeling nauseous. It persisted until 6.30, so I went back to bed and woke at 9.30 feeling fine! I get this sometimes if I am overtired/underslept. Wonder what causes it? And no, buns in the oven are definitely not responsible. I’ve been on an Island in the Southern Ocean for months. Months. ITS BEEN MONTHS! :-(

Ticked off my to-do list today. Feeling nicely on schedule. Went out to Gourlay to put out some membranes, have lunch and potter about. Beautiful weddell seal asleep there on the rocks. It was so deeply asleep I got within a meter of it. Such a lovely creature.

Rowed again, well 20 mins of running and 10 rowing. I can keep at 40 strokes p/m at weight 6 now, but am a bit tired after yesterdays effort. A good hard 20 minutes felt good though (mmmmm matron!). Made sitting at a microscope all day today feel less back breaking.

Still no news on the Shackleton. Last we heard it was due to us tomorrow, but its still en route to the Ronne Ice Shelf, so that’s not going to happen! I guess its stuck in the ice down there and won’t be here until next week at least. It will drop off a guy who will be with us until we close the base down, and take some cargo off our hands aswell. With any luck they will have some fresh fruit and veg they can share. Hopefully the Halley guys I sailed down with will be on board. Would be so great to see them!

Goblins are rioting outside again.

18th Feb

Just one month to go! Feels strange. Mixed emotions about this…

Spoke to mum tonight. Lovely to hear her: “Ello me daRRlin’!”. She is well and on top form. K went to visit her today and helped out in the garden in exchange for mum hugs and some top soil. Fair deal I reckon.

Working hours have been pretty gentle the last few days and I feel like Im slacking as a result! But 10-14 hour days are not something to be kept up. Discovered Billy Connelly and climbing videos (Hard Grit!) on the media drive, so they’ve all helped with the mundane task I’ve had today, tying little bits of string to small rectangles of ion-exchange membranes. And to think I do the more glamourous type of science apparently…

Stacey cooked up a storm for Saturday dinner: Carrot soup, gammon with all the trimmings, apple and cinnamon cake with custard. Girl did good. Then we all played the card game Presidents and Assholes. Which was excellent! Especially as I got myself to President twice. Aqlima got there three times and promptly became quite the dictator on each occasion!

#antarctica fieldscience

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