#i love*read hate* seeing cute people and getting obsessive over them in the span of a few seconds lmaoo

[missnobodymadness]

Hello! 🩷 I hope you're having a lovely day or night! How about these three for the ask game? 🍀🖤🌙

Hiiii, So happy to see you here again! :D I am doing good tonight, thanks! I hope you are also feeling better today, thank you so much for the asks, I really appreciate it and I'm very excited to answer them. :P

"🍀 what is your comfort show/series and why is it your comfort show? How has it helped you?"

Ohhh, one of the deep ones, very interesting. xD Alright, I have some comfort shows but I will talk about my biggest comfort ones, they are: Spy x Family, Naruto and The Walking Dead.

Spy x Family turned into a comfort show of mine because how easy the story is to follow, how the characters are very loveable and relatable and let's be honest...THE CUTENESS! xD I am a manga reader so I know the show is not exactly cute but I am mostly talking about Anya, while Yor is my favourite character, Anya is so damn comforting to me, which is ironic because I am childfree. I can see a lot of myself in her, I know exactly how her fear of abandonment feels and I feel like that kinda of built a connection between me and her character, I just want to adopt her and take care of her, telling her that everything is gonna be alright, I never had that while growing up and I want her to just have everything I never had and seeing her getting that somehow always makes me feel really happy...if Loid abandons her after his mission is over I am gonna hate him so much. :'D I feel like she kinda of heals my inner child for a while.

Naruto...well, I grew up watching Naruto and it taught me so much that I feel like the anime kind of build a certain part of who I am today. It's a mix os nostalgy and belonging, I actually shared a post someone else wrote that expresses exactly why Naruto is so important and comforting to me, here it is!

The Walking Dead gives me comfort because it is my favourite TV show ever and I feel very attached to lots of characters, I feel like the show kinda of helps me dealing with my darkest side and obsessive thoughts by showing how fucked up the world is when desperation kicks in. I also felt a deep connection to my girl Tara, I miss her so damn much.

"🖤 favorite hobbies outside of your blog"

I am very limited when it comes to hobbies, mostly because I can't really feel pleasure or excitment when engaging in activities but I do have a few that still give me a good time: Researching about lions, orcas and sharks, updating myself on the lion dynamics of the African reserves, playing Pokémon hacks and write about my OCs (which is kinda what I do here as well anyway so this one doesn't count much LOL).

My favourite used to be reading books but I haven't been able to read anything in years, my attention span got so short that I can't keep focus anymore, it is really upsetting.

"🌙 your zodiac (Sun, Moon, Rising)"

According to some friends of mine, my combo is crazy: I am a Gemini with moon on Scorpius and rising Leo. I confess I am not a believer but people who are always get shocked with that combo...why? I have no idea. LMAO

[misfortunegirl]

[batarangsoundsdumb]

yet another ask dump yeehaw!

do you ever think that jay's mother was one of those bitch who believes in horoscope and tarots and things like that and so he believes in these things too, or it is just me projecting?

sheila haywood took one look at jason's birthchart said 'nah this won't do' and left.

Wait, but what happens when the justice league does find out that Bruce and John fucked? Lmao it sounds like it would be hilarious, really, I don’t want a justice league that doesn’t make fun of Bruce for like his entire life.

barry runs out of the meeting immediately and comes back with an entire sti testing kit. diana fully seriously wants bruce to get tested while bruce is sitting there like 'come on guys, you're being ridiculous, i already checked twice'

john is standing in the corner clearly offended while bruce is just like 'don't even say anything, constantine, you fucked a shark'

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

on the one hand, good for him, on the other hand, bro, how do you still have a secret identity when your superhero name is just your last name,,,,

Your fic on ao3 was GOLD PLEASE CONTINUE I loved Dinah's cameo btw ( @purple-vixen

thanks so much! i already continued but this ask is like 10 years old because i'm a notorious procrastinator (also yes! i love dinah so much aahhhhhhhhhhhh)

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

bruce internally: holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit bruce externally: get out of my city, alien

AHHH ur multimedia fic is the only thing that brings me happiness anymore continue it forever pls

uhh thanks, but can't continue it forever because my attention span is that of a toddler on crack on a good day and i can't function without at least 10 things going on at the same time and music in the background

Oi, so I'm getting into dc and watching batman the animated series, and they use fruitcake a lot. Which I thought was very funny and wanted to share w you - Denilla

wait like fruitcake (food) or fruitcake (derogatory) ?

young justice 🤝 teen titans slut shaming batman

tim drake and dick grayson to their respective teams 'you guys stop it, that's my dad'

Happyhoganon: If an eighty year old Batman had fought crime in Gotham City for decades and the only threats to him and the city lately are a wheel chair bounded Penguin, your usual purse snatchers and a few con artists popping up every now and then, how well could the Dark Knight do in maintaining the peace in Gotham despite him being just somewhat fit to do that as an elderly man (which says A LOT given how old he is)

uhh he'll probably do what my grandpa does and that is ruthlessly prank them until they die of shame.

in the death in the family interactive movie there's an ending where Jason is tasked with raising Damian and he decides he's gonna raise Damian to take down the waynes and al ghuls which uh maybe isn't great BUT the idea of Jason raising Damian... PRICELESS. CHAOTIC. I just need more people to know about this :)

yes i saw that wow holy shit but jason would accidentally drop damian on his head one (1) hour in and jason just yeets him into the lazarus pit.

Headcanon: The Penguin has a really hard time fighting any of the Robins because of his avian obsession means there's always a small part of his mind that's like "Birb. Child. Protect" ( @subspacecadet )

as soon as dick becomes nightwing the penguin is like 'you know what, fuck this dude' and shoots at him.

Y'all talking about King Shark dating Constantine, let's not forget about John literally hooking up with Satan

listen there's a clear difference between monsterfucker and satanfucker in that king shark is literally a shark and satan still looks like a normal dude

Does everyone in Gotham think Batman is a teen dad?

everyone in gotham thinks batman has been around since gotham was founded, but they do think that bruce wayne is actually a teen father and dick grayson's biological dad.

why. why would you do that fancast when you know it will only hurt people

what? i loved my fancast it was really well done. i did it with good representation in mind and i really managed that with alfred pennyworth being ✨italian✨

Seeing james charles a jason gave me psychic damage how dare you i need to wash my eyes

well that's a you problem isn't it?

do you think dick grayson thirst tweets about nightwing just to annoy his family/cause problems on purpose in general?

he thinks nightwing is hot, next question.

holy jiminy cricket batman, its as cold as the good lords ass crack in here!!

i- what? this is why i don't fuck with english expressions it's way too goddamn weird

Brooooooo, your teen dad!Bruce au is soooo good. I've got brainrot.

Honestly if you ever write anymore, I'd read that shit twice. Sign me the fuck up. Good stuff, Good Stuff.

uh yeah i'm thinking about writing a fic, but i have exams coming up and i don't wanna fail because that would suck. but after i'll certainly be writing more tho

your teen dad AU is so great! bruce acting like a big brother for all of like a week before he's telling everyone about his son. what if in the AU dick meets the JL because they need to rescue him? maybe he's in trouble/kidnapped at a gala and bruce starts calling for JL. clark finds him and has to fly with dick to bring him home - that's how dick and clark meet and superman becomes dick's fave hero. he goes around the manor thinking he can fly with a red blanket draped around him like a cape.

actually- if you want a young dad! bruce fic with like that kinda stuff(just with damian) go check uhh- in for a penny by cdelphiki. it's really good and bruce is like 24/25-ish. (and dick's there!!!)

This account has solely convinced me that Tim is a trash goblin ( @hamilcat-and-magic-turtle )

because he is. that boy has slept in dumpsters on multiple occasions even if he is the son of a billionaire.

Okay but when you said victory dance I did think of the whole justice league defeating the big bad and then they all start flossing

well that's exactly what hal jordan does and that's why batman uses a gun now. no but the victory dance in my opinion is like the 'we're all in this together' dance from high school musical.

The horrors in Invincible s1 was nothing compared to the comics, I cant wait for s2

oh well okay, i mean i personally react to horror and violence by laughing awkwardly so i can't wait to be called a monster for accidentally laughing at a mass murder.

I'm currently watching Batman: The Brave and The Bold and- Bruce is just talking about Oliver like he's an old love (@nightwings-kid)

okay im going to watch that lmao that's totally and completely in character for him tho.

The invincible comic is like super gratuitous with its violence so much so I'm shocked the show was able to adapt it in a faithful way! Anyway had the show been live action it absolutely wouldn't have the same impact as it does as an animated show and I'm so glad so many people agree with me on that

also because a live action casting would've been like uhh amanda stenberg for amber, the dude- the guy from the supernatural but with a mustache for omni-man, and scarlet johanssen for debbie grayson

Debbie grayson is a milf, yes. You're welcome for the invincible propoganda, now you can questions your life. Bruce def seems like the perfect father next to Omni-man. Like they really took a rip off justice league and I was like well, now I'm attached even tho I was like hah I know who they're supposed to be. And then bam- death gore death gore gore gore sad Mark grayson just had to have daddy issues. Why does every character have daddy issues. I'm sick of the attacks

because daddy issues make a person arguably funnier, that's why i'm not even remotely funny (haha good dad flex). i liked that it was dark contextually, but not in the colouring, bc i hate when it's like 'uh yeah graphic murder and now a shot so dark you have to sit in a dark room and squint at the screen to faintly see the characters. (like dcau ugh)

About the Wayne insurance, for a moment I thought you would put the video with moans over the waves.

i mean- i could've done that, but rick rolling seemed more family friendly.

Its the first time in forever that im surpise rickrolled, i usually expect it. Congratulations (i really should know better this is tumblr)

i get rickrolled so often but i actually like the song so i dont really give a fuck

Actually, my information about Damian and John's kids is outdated because it was revealed that the old men telling the kids stories about the Supersons were actually Jon and Damian the whole time. I was blinded by my thirst for Grandpa!Bruce Wayne but I was wrong... I liked my version better, tbh (@artemisa97)

fair enough. but i'd honestly like to see damian and jon getting together, just because it's a really fun dynamic and their friendship was really cute when they were kids. (also idk maybe it would be nice to have one (1) main batfam/superfam character that's not cishet)

How am i JUST finding your blog skdskfkd you're so fucking funny and ur takes are hot

i thought u were calling me hot :( but youre not :( crime detected (but lmao thanks)

So I have depression and I swear that your memes are one of the few things that have made me laugh so thank you 💛🥺 (@katekanebadass)

aw you're welcome, and i hope you're doing okay!

The metropolis memes are so funny, I love them 💀😌

i think metropolis is also so fucking funny it deserves more attention imagine having your entire police force being upstaged by an alien from kansas and his kids

as an american i feel your complete lack of knowledge of us geography is just so sexy (platonic) ❤️

thanks so much (i also don't know any other geography, i'm not kidding, like you can tell me you're from hungary and it will just blank, there will be nothing that comes to mind)

In the DC universe they don't say "Can't have shit in Detroit" they say "Can't have shit in Gotham"

this just reminds me of that guy whose porch got stolen like the steps to his door, and i'm thinking of people living in gotham and waking up without a front door and going "can't have shit in gotham"

honestly all i know about chicago is the bean, so. what would gotham's famous sculpture be?

gigantic gargoyle statue in front of one of the police precincts because a villain thought it was a smart way to keep the police inside, but it's too heavy to move.

why tf do people go on about how batman "works alone" or how he's the "lone wolf" when he like 38290202 members in his family

bc people think it's cool that a grown man in his 30s has no friends or family instead of calling it what it is (sad)

Bruce is gotham's sugar daddy

why would say something so controversial yet so brave.

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

dick: gerard way are you in position, gerard way are you in position

tim: for the last fucking time, my codename is 'totally not count olaf' this week, abbafan 3000

dick: shut up my codename isn't 'abbafan 3000'

dick: it's 'abbafan number 1' and you know it

I have a feeling Tim drake is ur favourite batfamily member but okay u don't have favs if u say so ok

i mean he is, i won't deny it. but i love each and every one of the batfam just the same, i just have a weak spot for short dumbass nerds, because i'm a short dumbass nerd.

Omg i fuckin love boy meets world too fam shsjkfk

bro boy meets world was the shit!!! it was just fire and awesome and so fucking great like bro. it was so good im not even going to be accepting criticism

you know I find the whole "joker completes batman" thing a bit disgusting considering the horrendous stuff the batfamily went through because of the joker and let's not get started on the "joker has a point" thing like yeah he's this cool complex villain but he's absolutely batshit crazy

like yes! i get what you mean the joker just fucking sucks man he doesn't do shit for batman's character or the batfam he's literally just annoying as fuck. like the joker has a point' shit is so stupid. i will accept 'magneto was right' because he fucking was and i think he didn't do anything wrong, but joker? he's just like that. he's not even cool and complex he's just a weirdo with a bleach kink at this point.

ALSO YOUR RACISM POST- SO TRUE BESTIE

thanks bestie, i'm glad you agree.

in today's essay of why I think cass should become batman- I was thinking Tim would probably be the most efficient batman in many ways but I also think he wouldn't want to be batman tbh none of the batfamily members would want to be batman because they're trying to outgrow him but cass is the one who wants to represent the symbol that is batman

absofuckinglutely i will say it again and again that cass represents the batsymbol more than anyone in the batfam, in batgirl (2000) she literally didn't care about anything else than bruce's oath to not kill, she thought the batsymbol was more important than anything in gotham. she's just an excellent character because her motivation to not kill is not 'i'm scared i can't come back from it' or 'well my dad says no murder so i'll go along with it' but that she's killed somebody as a young child and she never wants to kill a human ever again and that's so fucking beautiful for a new batman like yes.

need more cass, duke and tim inclusion in gothamite memes

yes yes, a tall order of cass, duke and tim coming up in 1-14 business days

oldest to youngest batfam members cus I'm confused as shit

okay order of being taken in: dick, jason, tim, cass, damian, duke order of age: alfred, bruce, dick, cass, jason, tim, duke, damian (though cass and jason are around the same age general consensus is that cass is a little older)

I'm so confused Steph is a redhead?? like how was it that hard to get this right? the source material is literally right there and free

cw is jared, 19

do you receive anon hate? if so, how do you deal with it

uh no, i'm not remotely popular enough to get anon hate and i also don't say a lot of things that would attract anon hate, but i do send anon hate to @the-real-peter-parker because he forgot about the specialists from winx club

Wait how many languages do you speak??

uhh- 5 if you include latin, but that's a dead language and i'm really bad at it. but english, my native language, german, and french also, tho german and french not fluently.

You can mix aguaepanela with aguardiente 😈 and is tasty

okay but now i'm curious if the liquor deserves the 😈 emoji or if that's a you problem. but i googled it and it looks like something you'd take one sip of and then not remember the rest of your evening.

[liloify]

10 Statements I have about shameless: S11 edition

(cause i am a gemini who likes to ramble.)

1/?

1. Terry's Death.

The way Terry died is.. so instresting to me. We were introduced to him as this kick-ass, redneck, rightist, who killed/tortured people without a care, only for us to see him in his final moments as a shitty old man with a bag over his head.

Like he didn't die from a hit, or an old colleague deciding he was tired of his games. Terry was taken out by a nun who I presume does mercy killings (???). I think the way the writers handled it was incredibly ironic and emotionally wrecking in a span of about 45 seconds.

2. Terry's Paralyzed.

His paralyzation, I like how they had Liam be the reason he was paralyzed, it was very nice to see the child he terrorized be the reason for his demise. a young black boy at that.

3. Frank's Dementia

I had a feeling that this season we'd finally see Frank diagnosed with SOMETHING, he was drinking for decades and was still kicking somehow. So it's, bittersweet to see Shameless remembering that Frank is human and he can't drink damn near everyday for decades and not have some condition (besides that liver thing.)

4. Terry's one of my faves (HEAR ME OUT.)

Now as an lgbtq+, poc, lefist, I have a hatred for his.. or what was his existence. Terry is one of my faves cause the writers wrote him so damn well, they were able to have us consistently hate him from the moment he said something to even right now, while he is dead.

I like the ability his actor had to truly portray the absolutely filith, hatred, evil, and nastiness found in Terry Milkovich.

5. Sandy and Debby's fight(s.)

I can't get over how.. uncomfortably realistic that fight felt. The way they had Sandy back Debbie onto Franny's bed, who during that episode she was an.. awful mother too (I hope that was their way of saying she felt small.) was.. idk, in a way, bittersweet cause we weren't feeling debby as much anymore, but we also still slightly remembered her as the bright eyed little girl excited to help her family.

It was like.. maybe what sandy was saying is.. semi-right? let's add in frank for this one:

• She never really.. had her mom in her life, she was there periodically but never there, usually long enough for debbie to get semi-attached to, but never long enough for debbie to be able to casually say, "yeah my mom is always here.", so, in my mind, while she had fiona as a stand in mom, she never had her mom.. who was there and periodically coming back, there to really teach her the ropes of motherhood, never there to prepare her for birth, never there for her first period, never there to talk to her about sex and protection. so.. debbie never really got that mother daughter relationship, she got a taste but everytime she did, it was gone, and now she'll never get it.

•and Frank, fuckin frank, jesus christ. what can i say? not caring about her underage drinking, smoking, her worrisome obsession at getting pregnant at 15??(girls now but yk.)- that's all I can get into cause.. you can't even get into the intricacies of Frank Gallagher on text ALONE.

I feel like Sandy was on point with what she was trying to say but.. at what cost?

6. Ian and Mickey babies <3

I want them to be fathers so bad <3

lowkey feel like there would be a moment where Mickey is like 'here ya go, daddy.' to Ian with the baby(s) and then later he'd be like.. 'you know, you calling me daddy was.. kinda hot mick.' but yk.

7. Tami Tamietti

I gotta say, when I first saw Tami, I did NOT like her. I mean i was searching on reddit trying to see if we all mutually agreed that Tami needed to gtfo, but as the series progressed, I honestly.. really like her? but worst fucking name ever, Tami Tamietti?? The writers didn't give a single shit.

8. Ian and Mandy's friendship.

I love their friendship, it started off rocky and kinda rapey on mandy's end but it was cute! They had each others backs, they complimented each other perfectly, and It was honestly so sweet. The smart ass Gallaghers and The mean ass milkovich children produce a sweet friendship between one of each.

bonus points for the gallavich.

9. Fiona was selfish?

Everyone says that they didn't like fiona at some point anymore cause she was selfish, but honestly? she had a right to be selfish. A drunk for a father coming and and taking whatever he wants whenever he pleases and the only thing he gives back is misfortune, A mother who comes and goes as she pleases (also traumatizing them with that thanksgiving incident) who suddenly drops dead IN the house.

Then a bunch of siblings who would act rude and ungrateful as hell towards her, (not my boy liam.) then come crawling back the second they need help. Yeah, Fiona deserved to be selfish, she deserved to splurge on herself, she deserved her right to make a mistake, she deserved her right to exist.

I believe that while Fiona was selfish at times, Fiona was the opposite overall. Fiona was self-less, spending what? 20 god damn years? She started taking care of lip and ian like a parent at nine years old, so for about TWENTY years, Fiona dedicated her life, her time, and her basically her existence to her siblings.

She has every right in the book to be selfish.

10. Shameless.

I began watching in late august, early september and honestly? I love the show. I learned from it, can you believe it? I learned from a show with ghetto white people. I'm gonna miss it, I'll rewatch it again, and again. I'll read the fanfics. I love the show. It's my comfort show. Even in it's dark, shitty, controversial moments, I truly love this show.

10/10 I recommend it.

----

btw, if they kill off frank and make the gallavich couple both orphans?? i'm stabbing someone.

[tobeornottotc]

So much to say about all Friday shows my brain shut down it’s weird how in a day all the shows that aired from we best love to TT finale made my day and made me happy I cried. We best love is a gem that has come and taken my heart it’s everything I love in BL, it’s like reading a novel and never wanting it to end, the pinining, longing and now the angst still upcoming. My love to all the characters? Everything about the acting, music, and writing. Taiwan came back and said you haven’t forgotten why you adorE BL right? Well here’s more reasons. I’ve missed Taiwan shows for so long I used to take the history series for granted despite my love for it and now look at me. We best love is just so great and cheesy and yet done so well I’ve not have any issues with it 😭 it’s not short, I like how angsty yet sweet it gets. Just everything

Then you have to my star. Is there any moment when Korea does something that does not make me shout from the rooftops another great one!! Like are we surprised at this point. Where your eyes linger still is my favourite Korean BL and although different I get the same vibes from to my star, there’s secret pining, confusing hidden hints to maybe more than just a very happy celebrity that is clingy and flirty. Seojun seems to know he likes boys from the start or is it just me. I won’t be surprised that the reason he’s hiding that video is because the reason there was a fight was because it’ll out his sexuality, either he had something with said guy he paid money to keep quiet about or said guy knows about his sexuality and threatened to blackmail him. But it’s the subtle hints that he may know about himself and his feelings like in episode 4 how many times he leaves clues and hints he likes Jiwoo but hides it behind this clingy want to be friends persona, I think when he was drunk he let out his true feelings he’s been hiding and he outed himself on purpose. I’m probably thinking too much but there’d be a lot at stake in my opinion if someone knew he likes guys it’d be a bigger scandal that’s probably why he acts like he doesn’t know when he’s flirting or hinting he likes someone. Just me? Jiwoo is also an interesting tsundere why does he have his walls so up, he clearly also has feelings but in the trailer he’s going to harshly break Seojun’s heart? Obviously I think it’s a lie it’s noble idiocy he realised it was the way to help him not get caught in another scandal. I really need to know more about his character. And the chef who knows more than he lets on who is he speaking to about Seojun does he know the other guy in the video? Does he know why Seojun is hiding the video he seems to have picked on the chemistry of Seojun and Jiwoo more proof that person was right? Let me know what your ideas are on this show. If this show is dealing with internalised homophobia and the scandal of the media invasion and celebrity lifestyle then man it’ll be fun to rewatch this time and time again. Kisses in Korean BL shows have become a staple for revealing a lot of secrets and pushing our couples to confront the truth about what they try to rationalise when it comes to their feelings. In where your eyes linger them entering a relationship was not good for them because it’d lead to separation and more. In Mr heart the kiss was revealed and forced our marathon runner to question his priorities and feelings. And in wish you the kiss happened when Sang yi could no longer run away from what he was feeling even if it meant they couldn’t be together because of same reasons as this show I’m guessing a scandal being caused because idols and celebs dating is a bit forbidden in kmusic and kdrama industry. Loses the fans. And attracts media attention. Let’s see what To my star reveals with this kiss now Seojun isn’t hiding what he feels anymore.

Then we have 1000 stars premiere and I cried at sheer greatness I’m a clown I came into it trying hard to keep my expectations at bay but my 30 minutes in I was bawling stunned and quiet. The directing is exquisite, in depth and littered with clues and hints to the themes of the show. The focus on the flashbacks of Tiens life coated in dark light and suffocating aura compared to the light and warm atmosphere of Torfuns narration whose life seemed hard but she found peace and joy just helping people and learning about the joy of finding value in every little things she had and saw. The peace that Tien couldn’t feel because he felt stifled and empty from his own choices when he thought his life span would be short. He didn’t know the value of money, life or little things. He wasted and gambled precious things to him, acted privelaged and lost hours in a sea of acohol, cigarettes and more. His lifestyle felt wrong after he realised he was given a second chance to find meaning. There’s an overall dark theme of corruption, greed and power that’s going to me an obstacle for the characters. Torfuns demise is clearly more than just an accident with the way people are trying to push her life to the side rapidly, hide details like even selling Tiens car which I have a feeling is what took her life (not him but he bet it in a race before he fainted) or clues that Phupha isn’t going to be done trying to figure out what happened to her it’s foreshadowing this isn’t over yet. We also have another villain who fled during the forest ranger fights at the beginning, he’s definitely coming back I wonder what these criminals want and how much danger Pha will have to deal with with this boss and his other hooligans. Why are they in the forest and what do the rangers have to protect? Lastly our couple met and you can’t tell me that Pha isn’t smitten he is struck with love at first sight immediately he meets Tien but he hides it through his stern cover and he finds it funny to bicker and tease him. He also thinks Tien is too delicate, rich and shallow to stay to help the kids, so he’ll struggle with liking Tiens determination and drive to feeling angry at how much value of life and money he takes for granted but it’s a learning arc something Tien will grow learning and transforming from. Their bickering is cute, both are intrigued by each other already Tien because Pha is connected to Torfun’s wishes and hopes, but also he saw him in the weird fantasy dream thing. He’s intrigued by his stern cover vs why people seem to think he’s sweet and kind. And he’s irked by the guy who keeps getting under his skin and calling him out. It’s going to be fun to see his own reactions and feelings develop slowly and his doubt that it’s his and it’s Torfun’s heart acting up. That conflict will be so interesting to explore and knowing Backaof we’ll get a deeper conversation about sexuality, spirituality and more. All his shows even his fantasies have these deep reflections and conversations about feelings and life of someone struggling with what their sexuality is to them. Even when fantasy he never fails to include those scenes. But also there’s always a massive plot twist hidden in the story that could tear our characters apart, and it’s connected to our girls demise 🥺 i have so much more to say about this show. But for now just know I’m obsessed in awe and excited for this journey. It’ll be emotional a roller coaster of emotions and lessons, but also a love story I can’t wait to see unfold

Lastly TT finale. It’s precious to say TharnType will always have a place in my heart, marked into it as my favourite couple. Their love is so incredible, everlasting and theirs, their journey to each other has never been easy and yet their love is constant, precious and real. They make me smile and want to cry because I still can’t process we’ve come to the end. Boy was it a good way to say goodbye. I will miss this show, the annoyances, problems and also the good moments. I will miss my LeoFiat dramatic souls, their angst and their own journey to each other. Glad to seeFiat finally got to define the relationship he’s been hoping and waiting for. And Leo finally got to show Fiat how much he’s cared. Question why didn’t I get a kiss scene from them? Forever staying petty about that. Champ and Khun did what they were meant to do, their own relationship was also adorable and I just wish it wasn’t only the last episode we had to deal with their confession and realisation that there’s been something here all along. Champs cute though his nativity and dumbness was real and pure but I like how he understood what he was feeling and why he wanted Khun by his side and more. So well done to them getting together. We had Tharn finally Wade his way into Type’s fathers acceptance I wish he wasn’t just a comedic role but we had more conversations serious ones about him learning to accept Tharn still it was wholesome he grew to finally let them be together he understood Type was never going to leave Tharn and was at his best with him. Love the Kirigun family and how much they push Tharn to be his best. Their support was earnest and I loved we saw Thorn get married like a full circle after he proposed and found his own love story. We Stan a very protective supportive older brother who has always been a source of help during TT relationship. Techno irked me in this series and he became one of my least fave characters his snooping whilst cute just didn’t mesh well with me and I kept wondering where his man was because he acted like someone who wasn’t satisfied in the relationship he was in. Just an annoying presence overall. Sorry not sorry. That being said I didn’t hate this sequel and I know rewatching it as second part to TT journey watching 24 episodes of TT back to back will be an emotional experience and will show you all the clues, meta, subtext and overall plot of these two in a better light. Overall TT is always going to be a fave show of mine, and the sequel whilst not fulfilling all my expectations it made me still feel like it was worth my attention and care. Thank you to the cast, crew and production for this. My Fridays will never be the same we’re really now in 2021 with these new shows 😭 just manner of d@earth to go. 😭

Friday shows bringing me joy, excitement and most of all new lessons and new ideas. I’m so excited and I loved that these are the shows we have in January. Let’s hope they keep being great and our Fridays stay exciting and warm 👌

[mindofharry]

Motion sickness G.D

chapter 5.

in which julie realises she’s only with gray because of their kids.

chapter 1-4 can be found here!

fluff, angst, swearing and cheating. feedback is welcome as always!!

TW: some of the stuff mentioned in this series might trigger some people. please don’t read if you get triggered easily!

“why do you keep doing this to me gray” olivia cried putting all her books on the bedside table. grayson sat at the end of the unmade bed, they had both just slept in. he had his head in his hands, his face flushed.

“you ruined everything for me” grayson yelled startling olivia. she looked around her room, pouting to herself. “i didn’t know you were married, grayson. and i know i should’ve stopped it when i found out, i’m sorry for that. but i love you. i am in love with you.” olivia sobbed getting off the bed. “you don’t love me, though. you just loved the idea of sneaking around. the adrenaline. and now that’s it’s all over, you need someone to blame. and obviously that’s me” olivia said gritting her teeth, pulling his jumper off.

“i am so tired of this. of feeling so worthless. i want you gone, grayson.” olivia said throwing the jumper at his head. grayson looked up in surprise, his mouth open, but just couldn’t seem to find the words - too shocked, too guilty.

“you’ve lost your family, your wife, your boys. all because of you. not me. you.” olivia yelled standing her ground. god, she loved grayson so much. possible more than herself - she would die for him. perhaps that’s another reason why their relationship is so messed up.

if grayson was single at the time they’d met, there wouldn’t be any problems. but olivia was naive, innocent too. If you asked any one of her friends, they’d tell you she’s the smart, innocent one of the group. well, now she’s a home wrecker, and it’s all her fault apparently. olivia knew she had a part in this, and she feels so much guilt - she will live with it for the rest of her life, but what grayson did, blame her for all his mistakes, when things went wrong, isn’t what she’s about.

“i want you out of my apartment” she whispered, drying her tears from her pink cheeks. “and i don’t want to see you in here again” she finished looking grayson straight in the eye.

grayson was still in shock - he had lost 4 of the most important people in his life in about the span of a week. it took him seven days, to ruin his whole life, world.

“so you’re dumping me?” he asked standing up, olivia shrugged crossing her arms over her chest. “i’m breaking whatever this was, off. so yeah, i’m dumping you grayson” she sighed and grayson scoffed taking his jumper off the bed and putting it over him. he walked over to the shoe rack and put on his vans. “fine. but don’t bother calling me, when you decided you need me again. it wouldn’t be the first time you’ve tried to break this off, is it olivia?” grayson taunted stepping closer to her.

“fuck off” she gritted pushing his chest. grayson rolled his eyes walking to the door. “remember what i said. don’t come crawling back, honey”

“What are you watching, baby” julie asked alexander placing a hand on his head. he looked up from his ipad and grinned - julie smiled right back, he looked so much like his dad. his smile, his eyes. it was almost painful to look at him sometimes. which makes julie seem so bad, sometimes makes her feel like a bad mother. but she hurt so much, and sometimes seeing the boys laugh made her hurt so much more.

“watching peppa, mama” alexander replied pulling his mama down to sit with him. “peppa make me so happy.” he giggled, julie just shook her head, kissing his temple in response. At least she wouldn’t be stuck for birthday presents for the next couple years. alexander got super obsessed with things - like first it was sofia the first and now it’s peppa. he’s a simple boy, julie thought.

“mamas gonna go check on seb, i’ll be back in a couple minutes ok?” julie said pressing a couple of kisses to his head. she walked out of the living room and into the kitchen to see sebastian cleaning the counters, julie pouted at how cute he was. he definitely got his height from her side of the family - because he could barely reach the top of the counters, but he still made the effort and that’s what counts. “what are you doing, buddy?” julie asked leaning against the wall. sebastian shrugged “just cleaning up for you, mommy” he said groaning when he couldn’t get to the spot he wanted.

julie laughed and walked over to sebastian picking him, making him squeal. “what’s going on in here” a voice called out, laughing at the sight.

“uncle ethan!” the boy in her arms yelled making his way out of julie’s grip, and running over to his uncle. ethan laughed picking sebastian up and spinning him around in his arms. “ahhh, you’ve gotten so heavy” ethan said teasing sebastian. sebastian just giggled, in response.

“go upstairs and watch some peppa with alexander. need to talk to mama for a bit” ethan whispered making sebastian nod, and run upstairs.

“i’m taking this as divorce talk?” julie asked sighing, ethan looked at her with sympathetic eyes. she pulled out a chair from the island, placing a hand on her head. “the boys look good” ethan said sitting down beside her. “yeah. i’m trying to keep them distracted before school starts up again” julie replied her fingers getting stuck in her curly hair. “i just don’t know how longer i can keep this from them. i mean alexander had the biggest meltdown the other day, he knows something is up” julie sighed again, she felt like a failure sometimes. her mask was breaking, and she couldn’t figure out how to fix it.

“graysons agreed right?” julie nodded “you’ve got good lawyers, good job. you could even move in with me for a bit” ethan said grabbing her free hand “everything’s gonna work out, ok? i’m here and the boys are good kids, we’ll figure out the challenges when we get to them” ethan smiled, julie didn’t know what she would do without him - probably still be with a cheating husband.

“one step at a time”

“one step at a time” julie repeated nodding her head. “how was the other day, with gray?” ethan asked moving up to grab them both some water - they had both had enough wine for years. “he was super emotional, i could tell. um, i was too. but it was good. at then i just had to mention that bitch, and all hell broke lose” julie laughed to herself, ethan pouted turning around to lean against the sink. “was it really bad?” he asked and julie shrugged “i mean it could’ve been worse” she started itching her scalp.

“we weren’t screaming. it was calm and quiet - i think that’s why it stuck with me the most” julie said taking a sip from the water ethan placed in front of her. “i’m a good mom, right?” she asked making ethans heart break.

ethan had never met someone like julie before - she was cheated on, lied to, manipulated and still went on like her life was the best. Like she had to won a million dollars. He hated how everytime someone did something bad to her, she would find away to blame it on herself. sometimes it’s little things, like say it was her fault when someone else spilled her tea everywhere. and sometimes it’s big, blaming herself for her cheating husbands actions.

“julie, you’re the best mother ever.” ethan said making julie roll her eyes. “no! seriously. you care so much about those boys. you put up with so much shit, because you wanted them happy. look at how good those kids turned out, jules. they’re gentleman. they’re smart and kind. and that’s all because of you.” ethan said finishing his rant. julie looked up at him biting her lip, she looked up the his eyes and down at his lips.

ethan moved foward, doing the same thing.

next thing you know ethans placed his lips on hers, and the drinks of water were long forgotten about.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #364

“you wanna know what zeus said to narcissus?  /  ‘you’d better watch yourself’“

Do you change your type of music regularly? Nah. I've ben all about metal and rock since middle school. Would you want to visit Tokyo, Japan, someday? It's not actually on my bucket list or anything, but I'd do it. Do you curse like a sailor? Sailors are better than I am, aha... Do you hear trains pass by where you live? No. Ever been in a race? Haha, no. Last time you’ve eaten a taco? I hate tacos. Do you like horses? Sure do! Do you like Starburst? omg YES. What is your favourite wild animal? MEERKATS!!!!!! :') Do you like hamsters? They're very cute, but I've never met a nice one. Do you eat bananas? Yeah, I like bananas, but I'm VERY picky with how ripe it is. There's like, barely a two-day span where I'm willing to eat them. What is your favourite bookstore? I don't have one. What is your favorite fast food joint? Sonic. Do you sweat easily? Ugh, you haven't the slightest idea. As a side effect of one (or two?) of my prescriptions, I have I N S A N E hyperhidrosis. I can stand outside for a millisecond in like 70 degree weather and I'm already sweating. If you could move (and SERIOUSLY think about this) where would you move? All factors considered, being entirely realistic, the mountain-y region of western NC. Why would you go there? I want to stay in NC to at least not be a massive ways away from my family, and I loooove mountains. Plus, there's a lot of cool places on the other end of the state. Do you want to travel? Yes. I want to see so much more than this boring 'ole state. What was the last vaccination you got? For Covid. Have there ever been any forest or grass fires in your area? There have been wildfires towards the beach, I believe? Any time it happened we would always get the smoke all the way where we live. Are you Italian? Not to my knowledge. Do you own an acoustic guitar? No. What is something you have given a lot of thought to lately? My physical health. When did you last swallow your beliefs to avoid an argument or confrontation? Recently. Can you roll your own cigarettes? I've never smoked, so. Are you mentally strong? I think so. I hope so. Are you physically strong? I am like, comically weak. Are you heartbroken right now? No. Do you ever get complimented on your eyes? What color are they? It's happened, but it's definitely not a regular thing or whatever. They're grayish blue. What facial feature do you like the best on a person? I'd say I'm most attracted to pretty eyes. What is the weirdest animal you’ve ever held? I helped hold a massive snake as a kid (I don't remember what it was), and I've also held a rose hair tarantula. I can't think of any truly strange animals by my opinion, really. Do you get extremely hyper when under the influence of sugar? No. Sugar seems to have zero effect on me, probably because I'm over-exposed to it thanks to soda... What about caffeine? Not at all, likely for the aforementioned reason. Have you ever tried any drugs? If so, did you regret it? Besides alcohol, no. I don't regret having drank as it was never a lot. Do you have any pregnant friends? A high school acquaintance is pregnant. I THINK she's the only one now? I swear I see a new pregnancy announcement on Facebook like every two days, and mind you I don't even have all that many "friends." That being said, I may definitely be forgetting someone. When ordering food, what do you usually get as a drink? Depending on whether they have Pepsi or Coke products, either Mountain Dew or Coke. When drawing something, do you try to be super precise or do you not care? I am so, so, SO obsessive over getting everything right, but things never come out as good as I want them to/imagine them. Have you actually read Twilight? I haven't. What about Harry Potter? Never read any of those, either. I started one in elementary school, but didn't get very far at all. Out of the two, which is better? I have like no interest in either, so. How often do you read books? It various. I go through like reading episodes, and then I don't read for months. Are you the jealous type? I'm not like, an insanely jealous person, but it's still the worst it's ever been at this point in my life. I hate it. Are you the type of person who gets jealous of people’s pasts? Nah, no reason to. Do you know anyone who faints at the sight of blood? Not blood, I think, but needles and drawing blood, yes. I know my dad's fainted at least once at the doctor, and Jason fainted when I was getting blood drawn at the ER. What colors are the eyes of your family members? Just about everyone has brown eyes but me, I think my maternal grandpa, and my brother. Are you related to anyone with red hair? Not to my knowledge. Were you a chubby baby? No, I was pretty average. What’s something that makes you incredibly nervous? Social situations with strangers especially. Asking for things. Public speaking/presenting. What’s the latest you’ve ever stayed up to finish homework/a project? God, I remember there was this one night in particular where I stayed up SO late, but I don't remember the exact time. I think I actually cried because I was so stressed and tired. How many vegetarians do you know? In my personal life, I don't believe I know any, but I could be wrong. Have you ever had problems falling asleep in class? I never did, even though I was always tired. Have you ever been on the barrier or front row at a concert? No. Favorite episode of Spongebob? The pizza one, probably. Or the Hash Slinging Slasher episode. What bug frightens you most? Wasps, probably. Are your parents supportive of you? Yes. <3 How often do you take the train to go places? I've never been on a train. Have you ever participated in a mock trial, or a real trial? No. Do you own a pocketknife, or any other kind of multi-tool? No. What was the last thing you took a video of? Hm... I honestly don't remember. What’s something that used to really stress you out, but doesn’t anymore? Thunderstorms. Have you ever had famous neighbors? No. Pick your three favourite vegetables. Broccoli, green beans, and uh... I'm blanking... Habitually I wanna say "corn," but I know it's not technically a veggie, but starch. Have you ever broken a movie or game disc? I think I have? What is your favourite type of cookie? Chocolate chip. Can you rap freestyle? Or at least sing raps from songs? Ha, no. Have you ever shared a house with a significant other? Yeah. Do you scream at scary parts in a horror flick? No. I might jump a bit, but not always. What do you spend most of your time doing? Watching YouTube. Do you really care what’s going on in celebrities' lives? More like the YouTubers I watch. Have you ever broken a plate/bowl? Accidentally by dropping them. When was the last time you felt like you didn’t have a care in the world? I couldn't begin to guess. Has anyone ever drunk called/texted you? No. Can you do a backwards london bridges? God no, I'd bust my back. What smiley do you use the most on the computer? (: maybe. Or :') Are any of your pets “overweight”? No, but why is "overweight" in quotations as if overweight pets aren't a real and serious issue? Has anyone ever bought you a ring? Yeah. On a scale 1-10, how funny are you? I honestly don't think I'm funny at all, so I'd put myself at a 1. Pretty recently though it was very surprising and flattering to have my dad and older sister point out that I'm "hilarious" with my wry sense of humor. I don't see it, but I mean, it was surely appreciated. What’s a song that is overplayed but you still like it anyway? I barely ever listen to the radio, yet I still know "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen is played a lot, but I could never get tired of it. Are you excited for Christmas? Christmastime is my favorite time of year nowadays, mainly because of how excited my niece and nephew always are, and we spend most of Christmas Day and usually Christmas Eve with them. I love the weather, the focus on togetherness, all that. What are you thankful for? Man, a lot. I try my best to never overlook all the truly amazing things I do have, like a loving and supportive family, a home, food and safe water, Internet haha, access to medical care (regardless of the complaints I have about American healthcare)... I've got a lot of bad going on in my life, but I've also got a great amount of good things, too. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up on? Internet. What’s your favorite color combination? Maaan, don't do this. I really don't know. Probably two pastels, idk. Do you have any internet friends? I have more Internet friends than I do "real life" ones. What was the last song you listened to? "Deep Six" by Marilyn Manson earlier. How are you feeling right now? My arm is really sore from my second Covid shot, and I'm also having trouble breathing thanks to the dog (apparently, I'm allergic to whatever she is). I know it sounds bad, but I cannot wait 'til she's gone (from this house, no we're of course not euthanizing her). What color is the shirt you’re wearing? Burgundy. Do you play video games? Yeah, just not as much as I used to. Have you ever been to a club and had someone slip something into your drink? I've never been to a club period, and I don't plan on it. Do you know anyone who’s done ecstasy? Not to my knowledge, anyway. Are you on birth control? Yes, but only to regulate and soothe my menstrual cycle. My cramps were insufferable prior. Does your sibling have a significant other? All but my younger sister. Like she's in contact with who she calls "contenders," haha, but she isn't officially dating anyone. She's MEGA picky with who she dates. Have you ever cried at a real wedding? Yes, because it was very triggering to my PTSD. Any idea what you want for your next birthday? That's quiiite a whiles away, so I have plenty of time to think about that. I don't know if I'll be employed by then and thus able to buy some things myself, but I'll just say I won't be (because I'm I think rationally fearful that's where I'll still be). For Christmas I plan on just asking for a new terrarium for Venus plus better materials for it (like a proper temp gauge and hygrometer, etc.), and with that taken care of, then I might be interested in asking for a hognose for my bday, but idk. I'd want to ensure (s)he starts out with a perfect terrarium, and seeing as I want a hoggie morph, that's a lot of money in one go that idk if I'd be comfortable asking. So I'unno, maybe I'll go for a tattoo again. Wow, this was a lot of rambling for something so far off, pardon me haha. Are there any gadgets of yours that need charging right now? My Nintendo DS Lite, actually. I can't find the darn charger for it, and I really need to so I can bring it to Ashley's again for the kids to play the Pokemon game I have that they love. Aubree especially is really into it, and she adores Pikachu and Eevee. :') Which awards show would you wanna go to the most (e.g Oscars, Grammys etc.)? I don't even know what most award shows are for, if I'm being honest. I'm not really interested. What colour is your keyboard? Black, but each key glows red. Have you ever been called a skank/slut because of the way you dress? No. Are you a fan of acrylic nails? Not for myself; I think they'd drive me insane. I do, however, think they look nice on others.

[purplesurveys]

1024

What would you say is your favorite food? Sushi. < Ahhh, this is a good one. My favorite is down to a tie: it’s either chicken curry or burgers.

What color eyes does the person you like / love have? Are they pretty? Dark brown. I’m not too sure what the second question is referring to but yeah, she and her eyes are both pretty.

What was the first television show you were obsessed with? Hi-5, omg. That show was my life in preschool and I always watched the 12 NN replay as soon as I got back home from school, back when I was still on a half-day sched. I was so hooked I remember having legit tantrums before starting Grade 1 because grade school meant full days in school and thus having to miss out on the show entirely.

Do you like Mexican food or any other foreign foods? For sure. All my favorites are Asian (Indian, Japanese, Indonesian, Chinese, etc.) but I also enjoy Italian, Mexican, Greek etc cuisines. I generally haven’t tried African cuisines but I really, really want to.

What color is the keyboard you are currently using? The keys are black with white lettering.

Do you own any of those ‘chunky’ and cute rings? Nope, not my style.

What are you planning on eating for dinner tonight if you haven’t already? I saw my dad cooking up something deep-fried; it was like his own version of katsu or something, or maybe it’s fish fillet? I’m not too sure what it is yet but I’m excited and will probably eat lots of it as I skipped all my meals and have only been running on coffee and vape all day - not good.

Do you own an iPod or MP3 player? If so, when did you get it? Technically I still do. Haven’t used it since high school. I got it when I was 10 back in ‘08; I was envious of the kids in school who had iPods, so I asked my dad to buy me one even though I wasn’t super into music at the time. Not the best kid in the world.

When was the last time someone took your picture? Last Saturday when my package came. Apparently online deliveries now require your photo to be taken upon receiving your package and I think it’s for the seller to keep track of their transactions. I’m not a big fan of the new procedure, but it’s whatevs.

Would you rather write a report or type it on a computer? Type. 

What color was the last jacket or hoodie you wore? Gray.

Do you receive more compliments or insults on a daily basis? Neither, really. I haven’t been talking to people a lot; and when I do it’s for work, where I receive neither compliments nor insults.

Who is the lead actress / actor from your absolute favorite movie? Audrey Hepburn and Albert Finney, or Matt Damon and Ben Affleck.

Can you recite the alphabet backward? [continued from last night] Slowly, but I’m sure I can finish it.

Do you eat chili when you get a hotdog, or do you like it plain? We don’t do hotdogs with chili here. I generally don’t see chili much where I live and I wouldn’t call it a common dish.

Would you say it’s easy for people to make you smile or laugh? At first I thought it was, but I’m slowly realizing that it isn’t.

What would you say is your favorite cereal, if you even like it? Cookie Crisp is the only one I like. I don’t have cereal often.

When was the last time you went on vacation? Where was it? It was a quick weekend getaway to Tagaytay and then Cavite, if it counts.

How many states have you been to in your lifetime? Zero.

Do you and your friends normally say you love one another? Yep, especially with Andi and Angela.

Have you ever been an outcast at your school or anywhere else? I was definitely one in early grade school, and again in Grade 6 when both my closest friends migrated in a span of six months, and I spent nearly all my lunch periods alone. Looking back on it, I’m really glad I powered through and made it here because I truly wasn’t happy at the time.

Do you own any dresses? If so, what colors are they? I have lots of sundresses and little black dresses because I was into those for a very long time at one point. Some of them are black, obviously, but I also have dresses in blue, maroon, and olive.

Would you say you drink more pop / soda than you should? I never drink soda as I’ve always felt like I spend more time complaining about how drinking it feels like burning my tongue and throat than actually enjoying it.

Would you rather have orange juice or milk with your breakfast? Water.

How many different colors has your bedroom been painted? Just one. The walls have been white ever since we moved here 12 years ago.

Do you cuss? If so, do you ever cuss in front of your parents? I’ll slip in front of them sometimes but I never get in trouble for it anymore.

Would you ever tell your mom about the things you’ve done sexually? Our humor together can be raunchy sometimes but I don’t think I’d ever do this. I dunno if she wants to hear I’ve had sex with a girl either.

Is there anyone out there who can make you cry very easily? Yes.

What was the worst news you’ve heard this entire week? *In the last week, hearing about the typhoon’s effects in other cities didn’t feel good. This entire country is literally only getting by with donations from the private sector because the government isn’t doing shit for cities and families who got severely affected by the typhoon; it’s almost depressing to hear and read about.

Have you ever been in a car wreck? I’ve been in minor car accidents but it would be too much to call any of them car wrecks. They had all just been tiny bumps or thuds.

Do you have your ears pierced? If not, what do you have pierced? Yes, my mom had my earlobes pierced when I was an infant. I don’t plan on getting any more new ones as I’m not really into piercings.

Has anyone ever told you that they think you have ADHD? Nope.

What is your biggest pet peeve? When people reach out first via text/IM then even if I get back to them in 5–10 seconds, it takes them a long time to get back to me. It’s especially annoying if they classify it as urgent, I drop everything to reply quickly, then they end up disappearing. Like why?

Do a lot of people understand you completely? Who does exactly? No, I like keeping a wall up. 

Would you say you’re really good at cooking and baking things? Haha no. But it’s something I want to be skilled in, definitely. I’d love to be able to make the food I usually just thirst over on the internet. I’m taking baby steps, like figuring out how to make certain sandwiches, but I have a long way to go before I can consider myself any good.

How is the weather outside right this second? It’s been a little cloudy this morning but it might start to get fair seeing how I’m beginning to see the sky turn blue. I’m just hoping there won’t be too much sun, period.

Do you have a lot of trees around your house? What about buildings? No buildings as I live in a gated village. We have a number of trees around, but I wouldn’t call it ‘a lot.’

Would you say either one of your parents are 'pack-rats?’ No. I have that title, and I believe I inherited it from my great-grandmother who was a bit of a pack rat herself, as I’ve been told.

Have you ever disowned anyone in your family? For what reasons? Kinda. I don’t associate with one of my uncles because he has a terrible drinking issue that he never got to permanently fix. Whenever I see him at family gatherings he just smells like stale gin or whatever it is he drinks, and it just ruins the essence of family reunions for me. As recent as Christmas Day last year he drove drunk and crashed into a car with an entire family, but as always his ass got lucky because 1) no one in the family got hurt, and 2) said family let go of the lawsuit they were planning to file against him.

Have you ever seen That 70’s Show? Do you watch it regularly? I tried watching the first episode but genuinely could not find it entertaining for the life of me. Sorry, Mila :(

If you could choose, what decade would you rather live in? I never really think about revisiting decades - they’re already behind, so what’s the point? As bad as the 2020s have been looking, I’m okay with staying here.

How often would you say you get sick? Once a year at most.

Is there anyone out there who has hurt you so much, you wish they’d die? I used to wish they would die, but I don’t feel that way anymore.

Has anyone ever called you a socio-path before? I don’t think so.

When was the last time you watched a movie in theaters? December.

Have you ever moved to a completely different state before? We’ve moved to different regions before.

Do you mind it when surveys ask you really personal questions? No. Isn’t that part of the point of surveys?

When was the last time you told someone you love them? Thursday or Friday I think, when Andi said it to me first and I said it back. I wasn’t having a good day and they were just looking out.

Which one would you like more: kiss on cheek / kiss on neck? Depends on my mood. Right now a kiss on the cheek sounds nice.

Does it bother you when people steal your stuff on MySpace? This never happened to me because I had Myspace for such a short time and I never caught it at its peak. Also, how do people steal your stuff over there? That’s pretty intriguing lmao

Do you have freckles? Do you like / dislike them? I don’t have any.

Who would you say is the best actor / or actress in your opinion? My biased ass would rally for Kate Winslet all the way, but some other great ones for me are Toni Collette, Emma Stone, Jodie Foster, and Natalie Portman.

How many times have you been drunk in your life? Many.

What would you do if the last person you kissed said they hated you? Be confused and ask them to give me a few concrete reasons. I don’t think too highly of myself, but I know I’ve never done anything to make me deserving of hate, especially with regard to us.

Do you ever think you might be pregnant? No, it has never been a worry of mine.

When was the last time you acted really immature? The weekend.

Do you enjoy watching comedies or horror movies more? Horror. I never watch comedies and the only subtype of it that I watch is romcom.

As a child, did you ever have an imaginary friend? Yeah but it lasted all of five minutes until I got bored with the concept.

Does anyone call you baby? Who would that be? No.

Can you rely on one or more people to take up for you? I have no idea what take up means. If this also means ‘stand up for me,’ then yeah I can.

[fire-emblem-drabbles]

Not Quite Obsession

Pairing: Zelgius x reader

Description: Of course it was wrong; he was to be your guardian, not your lover. But... you very obviously needed both in your life and Zelgius didn’t mind taking on a second role...

Rating: sfw

Word Count: 1295

Notes: Hoestly I wouldn’t be surprised if this didn’t read like a story bc the entire time my brain was just like “hrngggg they soft n tender and pinning but... fast and slow and all at once” so like, have fun trying to decipher my words!

________________________________________________________

“Who are you?” Even as you asked the question, you knew it would go unanswered. Fell on deaf ears, perhaps, because by the concentrated look on this mans face you don’t think a single word you’ve said phased him. Still, even as you left with no answer, you let him continue his work. He felt warm, familiar and well, he was taking care of you after that nasty run in…

“Why did you let them do this to you?” His deep voice came as surprise to you, causing you to jump in your seat. The bandage he had been carefully wrapping around your arm fell from his hands. Dutiful, he picked it up and continued his careful work, treating as if you were the most precious doll in the world. If only you knew.

“Sorry…” Was all you could managed, looking away from him. Even if he wasn’t looking you in the eyes, his gaze was piercing, questioning your very soul. It made you uncomfortable but not necessarily in a bad way. “I just… I’m no good at fighting myself, you know? I can’t hurt them like they hurt me, can’t fight back in any meaningful way… so I figure if I don’t fight back, once they’ve had their fill they’ll leave me alone.” You surged lightly but winced, recalling with the pain the punch thrown at your shoulder. “I just… never figured they would bring actually weapons into it.” You sighed, looking to the freshly tended to cut. It was long, covering the span of your inner elbow up into your arm and it wasn’t pretty to look at. Luckily, their blade was dull so it was a shallow wound but one that bled profusely, with all the rest of your tiny scratches, nonetheless. You may not have bleed out but had this strange man not came to you when he did the blood loss surely would have made you lose conscious.

“I suppose I have no choice… I’ll simply have to redouble my efforts of protecting you.” Once again, this man surprised you. “It… hurts me to see you like this.” Finally, he met your curious gaze and you were nearly tempted to look away. Goddess, he was beautiful. Ethereal, even, he seemed too pretty to be of this earth. Still, shocked as you were you manged to eek out a reply.

“Protect… me?” You parroted, perhaps thinking you misheard him.  

“If you’ll allow me the honor, that is.” His smile, goodness his smile, how it seemed to light up the room. You hated to be selfish but in that moment you wanted to be the only one to bare witness to such radiance.

“Could I at least get your name first?” You laughed a little childishly, suddenly feeling like a schoolgirl with a crush.

“You...” He seemed to hesitate, for whatever reason. “You may call me Zelgius.” he decided after a moment, taking your hand, beaten and bloody it may be, and placeing a chaste kiss upon the back of it.

“Zelgius...” After hearing the way his name came from your lips, Zelgius did not regret telling you it, even as your free hand came to rest over your mouth in embarrassment. “You can call me, uhh...”

“_____,” He finished, knowing very well who you were.

“Uh, yeah.” You said lamely. “You told me your name but… never who you were.” You frowned, looking to him now.

“Who I am really doesn’t matter… just know it is my duty to protect you and see to it that you are cherished.” He smiled now, helping you to your feet with the hand he had just so gingerly kissed. You realized, then, it, not the arm it was attached to, didn’t ache as much as the moment before. You didn’t dwell on it much, though.

“Why me?” Your voice was soft. Perhaps you were afraid to hear the answer.

“Perhaps lonely souls just draw one another in.” He answered simply, a ghost of his former smile gracing his lips. Your hand hadn’t really left his and you found you didn’t really mind. With Zelgius, it all seemed right.

“If you say so...” Zelgius found he didn’t mind as you leaned into him. The smell of you was intoxicating, even with the foul smell of blood clouding things. Your gentle touch, and silent urging teased him so. You overtook every corner of his mind to where his every thought was of you; how to best protect you, the sweet sound of your voice or his amazement at just how soft you skin could be. It was often his thoughts turned more tainted, his mind running wild of images of you under him, voice whining and body trembling… “Zelgius?”

“Hmm?” he blinked from his thoughts.

“You’re not human, are you?” You said softly, continuing to calmly walk beside him.

“...No, not really.”

“That’s fine. I… actually like that.” You said softly. “Most people they… really don’t like me. But with you, even if it’s the first time we’ve met… I feel at home.” His heart, however much a lie it be couldn’t help but beat erratically in his chest. How wildly inappropriate to feel this way about you… but how could he not?

“It makes me so happy to hear that.” You could hear so in his voice. He was happy, because of you. Because you were happy. The thought alone was enough to make your pace quicken. “As your guardian angel… nothing would please me more than to be the one to bring you peace.”

“You’re really my own guardian angel…? Or like… do I have to share you?” The question was innocent enough but the idea that you might possibly be jealous of a nonexsistant person also receiving his help… was beyond cute. Zelgius knew you would be the death of him-- or perhaps worse.

“...No, I’m all yours _____.”

“Good… I don’t like the idea of you leaving me. It’s funny… it probably hasn’ even been 15 minutes and yet… here I am, feeling as if my whole world would come crashing down without you in it.” Zelgius knew you weren’t dumb. “This probably has something to do with you, huh?” The both of you were silent a moment. “I… can’t really find it in me to care.” Zelgius couldn’t either, honestly. It was true angels simply has this… aura around them that made any human around them feel calm and trust them… but since Zelgius was so infatuated with you he supposed it was far worse. More than anything he wanted you to love him as he did you, so much that the aura coming from him was effecting you. Even if he didn’t want you to fall for him in return, there was nothing to be done when his feelings for you were so strong they fell off him in waves.

“It… is not something I can control, unfortunately. It does bring me comfort to hear you don’t mind though...” His hand tightened around yours. You squeezed his in return. There was so much longing in one touch. You both wanted more-- what was holding you back? Decorum? Guilt?

“Honestly its all new to me… knowing you well. Want me. Want to touch me, to help me. To heal me and even protect me… It’s such a sweet feeling, though. I don’t see why I would want to give it away.” Truly, you were a gift Zelgius wasn’t deserving of but one he would indulge in despite that.

“I look forward to exploring that all with you.” He laughed so softly and you felt light as well. Was this what love felt like?

“Me too,” All you could do was smile, happy to find a future with Zelgius by your side.

[dylanobrienisbatman]

His Dark Materials!

my all-time ultimate fave character: 

So far, i’d say my favourite character is probably Lyra! she has that sort of YA novel heroine spunk to her, and she has that feral teenage girl energy that feels perfectly mastered here. 

a character I didn’t used to like but now do:

So, since its only series 1, i don’t think my opinion of anyone has changed too drastically across the span of the series, but if we consider the books as well, i’d say maybe... lord asriel? a combination of the fact that the show makes him MUCH more of a likeable character than the books (shout out to that James McAvoy charm) and also that his mission and his goal are so interesting to me. 

a character I used to like but now don’t:

There isn’t one really in the show, as far as the show goes all the ‘bad guys’ have been particularly well written and performed so as to make you not like them but also not hate them, and good guys haven’t fallen from grace.

a character I’m indifferent about:

I’m not really very interested in these magesterium croney types, like Father MacPhail and all of that, i think the choice to make them sort of greasy white men who are seaking power was an inspired choice for what the magesterium is meant to be, but they are also sort of like... not overly important, and easily manipulated by Coulter, so they dont come off as very threatening, and therefore i just sort of barely care about them. 

a character who deserved better:

ROGER. PARSLOW. AND. SALCILLIA. I am so sad. 

a ship I’ve never been able to get into:

So far, the show doesn’t really have that many ships? and the books aren’t exactly romance heavy either. However, i have been seeing some people ‘shipping’ lee and iorek and... please say sike yall. 

a ship I’ve never been able to get over:

Okay but i am absolutely obsessed with the idea of Young Masriel. Neither of them are particularly good people, obviously, and they get to a point where they have done unspeakable, unforgivable things, so as much as i do enjoy adult, sort of biting, fighting, fiery Masriel, the idea of two younger people, both brilliant and driven and laced with some level of darkness, meeting at just the right moment where Marisa was willing to risk her entire life just to be with him, because he was her equal in all the ways that mattered... oh man. phillip pullman write me a masriel prequel challenge. 

Also, if we’re talking books, Lyra and Will are wonderful.

a cute, low-key ship:

In this HDM podcast i listen too, Daemoncast, Sarah has been sort of talking lately about how, in another world essentially, Lyra and Roger might have grown up and fallen in love? Like in that sort of childhood best friend until one day you realise its more, and i sort of love that idea, that in another timeline, where Lyra had stayed in Jordan and Roger never got gobbled, they would grow up and maybe, one day, fall in love. 

an unpopular ship but I still enjoyed it:

What even are the unpopular ships in this fandom? someone tell me. i love an unpopular ship i flock to those suckers. 

a ship that was totally wrong and never should have happened:

again... someone fill me in. 

my favourite storyline/moment:

So far in the season, my favourite storyline was Lyra travelling with the gyptians, including her time in trollosund, meeting lee and iorek, etc. It was the sort of LotR style adventure through epic scenery, including tons of fascinating exposition and plot points throughout, including her really learning to read the aletheiometer, finding Billy, bonding with Iorek and Lee, meeting Serafine, etc. All in all, a great storyline. 

My favourite moment was probably the final moment of the season, where Will and Lyra both walk through the portals. 

a storyline that never should have been written:

my first thoughts on the show:

Exciting, BEAUTIFUL to watch, well acted, very promising. it made me want to read the books so bad i bought the whole triology and read it in like a week. 

my thoughts now:

a phenomenal adaptations, thought obviously not without fault. still BEAUTIFUL, and also very well adapted, if that makes sense. tying in the plot with will that we get at the very start of The Subtle Knife, so as to make us feel more connected to him before we start season 2, was inspired, and they really shaped the story SO well. Loved it, cant wait for season 2 and three, and im now reading the book of dust series. 

[afewmarvelousthoughts]

Truth Pt. 13

Master List @afewmarvelousthoughtsadmin

Request:

What’s up sug! sorry you’re struggling right now but I’ve come to help you If you could bring this to light for me I’d absolutely love for YOU TO DO JT So basically Bucky X Enhanced reader who are fuckin enemies. Hate each other to every last fiber of their beings bc Bucky is rude and she calls him out on it. AnywHs, they get drunk, truth or dare (go crZy baby) and LOTS LF dirty talk if u wanna do smut but if u don’t then buck taking care of her while she’s drunk cause she admitted her feelings

Pairing: Bucky X Reader (Enhanced)

Summary: Since The Avengers gave you a home the only blight has been Bucky Barnes, a ghost from your past that you can’t seem to shake. It makes you hate him. The feeling, it seems, is mutual. But… a simple game reveals that maybe things aren’t quite so simple. (Post Winter Soldier AU)

Warnings: Everything. Seriously. Feels, angst, violence, death, smut, fluff, trauma, literally everything.

A/N: The moment this crazy story ran away with me I knew so much of this was coming. It’s partially why I wrote the last chapter just to put off writing this one. I don’t want to say anything more because I just can’t but yeah. 

Also HUGE thanks to @wonderlandmind4 and @courtmr for betaing this monster. 

OH! And there is another chapter after this.

Tags are open!

@midnightdream83 @mywinterwolf @disagreetoagree @breezy1415 @peachthatdrinkslemonade @wonderlandmind4 @piensa-bonito @handplucked @buckysstar @sam-jae @marauderconvos –harder @for-the-love-of-the-fandom @andreagf956 @marvelousmeggi @jewelofwinter @fairislesheets  @animegirlgeeky @lydklein1 @katecolleen @siriuslycloudy2 @zannemes

Tony insisted everyone meet for brunch on Sunday around 11am. While you appreciate the gesture, after the late-night surrounded by so many people you’re kind of dreading it.

“We should make an appearance.” Bucky insists, slipping into his jeans while you’re still in one of his tee’s and your underwear in bed.

“Who even are you?”

“What?”

“Since when are you so keen on socializing?”

He laughs, “Guess you’re rubbing off on me.”

“Yeah,” begrudgingly you crawl from the bed.

“It’s a low bar babe.” As you walk to the closet he grabs you and places a nipping playful kiss on the back of your neck.

“Mmm, sure you wanna go?” You purr, reaching back and pulling his hips close.

“Yep,” he slaps your ass hard. “Get dressed.”

Just about everyone is lounging in the common space save for Hill, who you saw leave the party last night with a knockout blonde.

“Morning!” Steve booms from the kitchen, pouring himself some OJ. From across the room, a blueberry hits Steve right between the eyes.

“We talked about this Rogers. Inside voices,” Clint groans, head falling back on the couch.

“Go a little hard last night Clint?” You pat his forehead as you walk by, he grunts in response.

Tony rounds the corner, “Oh the IT couple is here finally.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Tony laughs and plucks the paper Sam holds up from his hands.

“Check out who’s gracing the front of the Styles section.” He presses the Times into your hands and you stare down at a picture of you and Bucky from the night before.

The story is just a general overview of the gala but there, big and in color, are you and Bucky on the dance floor. It must have been just after the song ended. His hands are on your waist, the smile on his face brighter than the sun, your head is tossed back in a laugh. You look like any happy couple… Save for the fact that you weren’t just any couple.

“You’re on the website too,” Nat walks up and hands you her tablet.

There’s a gallery from the evening featuring everyone but there are quite a few candid photos of you and Bucky. One your head is resting on his chest, his lips pressed to your forehead. The caption reads: “Avenger team members, Barnes and Michaels, share a tender moment.” You aren’t sure how you feel about it. From the tension in Bucky’s jaw, he doesn’t know either.

“You can’t buy good PR like that,” Pepper says making herself and Natasha mimosas. “The two of you were just perfect.”

You both only stay for a bit. Unsettled by your images being so widely shared after living your lives in shadow for so long. It was a very abrupt change…

Back in the apartment, you pick up the paper that was always left by the door, Bucky liked doing the crossword. You look at the picture again. Shaking your head.

“You ok?” Bucky comes up behind you, gently rubbing your back.

“Yeah… just… my mom is definitely turning in her grave right now.”

“Good or bad way?”

“Good,” you laugh a small hollow sound. “Her daughter in the society pages. She’d be beside herself. I can hear her now,” your accent tries to echo your mom’s soft German accent. “Finally you got it right my little firefly.”

“Firefly?” His expression is achingly soft.

“Mhm. I used to be obsessed with them when I was little. Always chasing them and catching them for her. So it became a nickname.”

“I bet they’re both very proud of you, doll.”

You shrug. “I’m… I’m gonna hop in the shower.”

Two days later you go into the office for a pen to keep score in Scrabble and notice something new on the wall. The picture of you two from the paper beautifully framed. Your breath catches in your throat. It’s placed next to a picture of a young you with your parents, all three of you smiling and happy and a photo of him with his sisters and Steve, all of them smiling. Happy moments spanning almost a century, the two of you connecting them…

“Ich liebe euch beide,” (I love you both.) you whisper to your parents’ photo. “Sorry, it took me so long to get it together… I wish you could meet him… you’d like him.” Your eyes slide to the picture of you both.

You kiss your fingers and press them to the picture of your little family before wiping your eyes and heading out.

-

Bucky’s leg is bouncing at a ridiculous rate until you set your hand on his knee, giving it a squeeze. He looks at you, knowing he looks like he’s about to burst open. It’s taking everything in him to shut up.

“So,” your voice is so steady, he can’t understand how you’re not as nervous as he is right now. “You’re sure this one is legit?”

Tony sighs, “Yeah. After the last two, we figured if we came across something similar to your signature again we’d monitor the area for a bit longer, see if or how the readings change.”

He runs a hand over his face as he looks over the images floating over the table. “The readings are strong… really strong. The draw on the power grid is insane. And… well, we’ve picked up all the variations of your energy signature… it’s not coincidence.”

The fact that the chances of them finding assets similar to you are incredibly high isn’t what has him on edge. It’s that the industrial complex the readings are emitting from is just outside of Odessa in Ukraine… It’s too close to what was once Hydra’s hotbed… It’s very possible that this is the facility you were made at, he knows you have to realize this.

The last place with a matching energy signature had been a place they’d housed you for a while. That alone wrecked you. To go back to where it all started… who knew what that may do to you emotionally.

“How volatile is this, Tony?” Steve’s tone is gravel.

Tony just stares a bit and Bruce answers, “Very. The emissions have been steadily climbing over the past couple of weeks. Only thing is we can’t really get a lock on how many are running the place… no way to know what we may run into.”

“But we can’t ignore it,” Sam’s gaze is locked on the screen’s, determination setting his features.

“No,” Tony agrees in a solemn voice. “We absolutely can’t.”

They head out tomorrow evening so they’ll land in Ukraine in the early morning hours. The hope being that the cover of darkness will give them a tactical advantage, the last thing they want is for them to abandon ship and set up elsewhere again. With any luck, this will be how they put an end to this particular project once and for all. He knows that will bring you peace of some kind.

Once the tactical brief is over and you’re back in the safety of your apartment Bucky wordlessly pulls you toward the bedroom. He needs to feel your skin against his. He needs to touch you, set you alight in the best way possible, see the sparkles in your eyes.

“Buck-” he cuts you off with a kiss, his hands sliding under your hoodie. Your body responds to his touch the way he hoped it would goosebumps rising, heart rate increasing, your hands grasping the waist of his jeans to hold him close.

At this point, you’ve learned the ins and outs of the other’s body. Even so every time he feels your touch it feels like the first time. He still is amazed you want him. He’s still so goddamn thankful.

He pulls your hoodie over your head and slides your leggings down your powerful thighs. Holding you by your hips he lifts you just a touch and gently tosses you back on the bed. Your small giggle fills him with warmth.

Once you’re free of your leggings entirely he runs kisses down your thighs, letting his stubble rub against the tender skin in that way that makes you shudder. His tongue flits across your clit causing you to let out a low sensual sound. He’s aching, throbbing against the confines of his jeans. He ignores it. Right now he wants to make you feel good. To chase away any thoughts that aren’t pleasure.

After he’s lost count of the number of times he’s made you come you pant, “No more, please. I… you, I need to feel you, Bucky, please.” He smiles. It’s cute how you said please as if he’d ever say no.

Morning comes too quickly for his liking.

You shower together and it’s not until you’re drying your hair he finally says something about the mission, “If you can’t handle this, Y/N it’s ok. No one would judge you.”

Turning you give him a weak smile, “Are you really worried that I can’t handle it, babe? Or can you not…”

He traces your brow with his metal fingers, “I just don’t want this to get to you like the last one or… the first one… with the woman…” You take his hand in yours, studying his face.

“It won’t.”

“You don’t know that, Y/N.”

“I do.” This time your smile is full, lighting up your features. “I have you. Nothing will ever be like it was before.” You look away, your brow knitting before meeting his gaze once more, “Bucky… I… you… I don’t feel broken anymore. Because of you.”

His chest constricts. Immediately he pulls you to him, crushing you to his chest. “You were never broken, Y/N. Never.”

-

As soon as the jet lands a mile away from the facility, you steel yourself. The fizzing in your head and a sick feeling in your stomach that began the moment you saw the shots Tony pulled up told you everything your own memories couldn’t really touch.

You had done your best to relay what information you could in today’s briefing. Everything from writing and drawing to miming, like some weird party game, was utilized. Hydra was smart, they knew it was always best for their dogs to know where home was but to never be able to lead anyone to it.

For what it was worth they knew the three-story building in the center of the complex was the main hub. The others were just storage, additional offices, nothing worth too much note and as best they could tell they weren’t being used at the moment. Underneath that building and snaking under the complex were at least four stories of labs, R & D facilities, medical facilities, training areas, holding cells, etc.

Since Tony and Bruce’s scans had revealed the same shifting energy signature that you emitted it was safe to assume they had, at least somewhat successfully, created another asset with abilities like your own if not multiple. The team is aware there’s a chance these people will likely be similar to the one you Nat, Steve, and Bucky faced all those months ago. Because of this the general consensus was to put them down, they couldn’t save them and they would be too big of a risk otherwise.

The main goal is to remove the possibility of these assets being sent out to wreak whatever havoc Hydra had planned. After that, they would get any intel they possibly could hard copy or otherwise and destroy any means they used to create you. With any luck, this would be the end of this branch of Hydra’s research. And you could close this chapter of your story once and for all.

“Alright,” Steve gets everyone’s attention, standing near the front of the jet. “We’re all clear on what we’re facing? And that Y/N has point here?”

A resounding Yes sends chills up your spine. No one knew what they were walking into, not really, and the idea of being the lead… You weren’t a leader. You were an asset. Trained to infiltrate, kill, obey. You didn’t lead you were led… led until you’d finally tell someone to go fuck themselves. Then they just reset you… a machine made, for one thing, destruction.

“Y/N?” Sam’s voice is soothing next to you.

“Yeah, sorry. I’m good.” Bucky’s metal hand gives yours a gentle squeeze.

Sighing heavily you release Bucky’s hand and stand next to Steve. “Like Tony said earlier, Jarvis can scan for energy signatures and alert everyone if something is about to go haywire but it’s not perfect. If you feel your skin begin to prickle, the temperature drop, or anything that’s remotely odd move on quickly. You engage with someone like me one shot to the head or the heart is the best course of action,” the tension around this point is palpable. “Physically attack as little as possible because it could trigger them to blow and if they’re good enough they can kill you on contact.”

You feel the energy shift under your own skin, “And if I say run, get the fuck out. We’re not losing anyone over this.”  Your fist flexes by your side, thin tendrils of static glowing around it.

“Let’s end this.” Steve plants a heavy reassuring hand on your shoulder.

Everyone knows what their role is. Sam and Clint are covering the perimeter and outbuildings, taking out anyone they see and being their eyes on any suspicious activity that may indicate something going wrong inside. Tony is with Natasha and Hill while you’re with Steve and Bucky, the idea being that each grouping had someone who could lock in on energy signatures quickly. They would take the upper levels while your team would take the lower.

Though energy made it hard to scan for movement and heat signatures Tony was able to modify the coms to work. They had tested it over and over with your own power thrumming nearby and you were both confident he had it sorted. At the very least, you’d all be able to communicate what was happening.

Sam stops the van just outside the first building in the complex and you all file out before he tucks it away somewhere.

No one engages with you all on the first floor. It’s eerily quiet but you can feel that low pulse of power coming from somewhere below you, generators and something far more familiar. Bile rises in your throat and you struggle to force it down.

Tony’s group splits to head up while Steve and Bucky look for an access point down. You can’t seem to move. After a minute Bucky realizes you’re stuck.

“Baby,” his arms encircle you, the feeling of his touch and his familiar scent grounding you. “If you can’t do this-”

You shake your head. When you open your mouth at first nothing comes out, some part of your brain screaming that you aren’t supposed to speak here. “I w… want t… to.” You stutter but manage it. Small as it is it feels like a victory.

Steve lays a warm hand on your upper back, it's comforting to have both of them with you. “I got nothin’ but there’s gotta be a way down.”

There’s a ringing in your ears as you try to think, you press your forehead into Bucky’s chest squeezing your eyes closed trying your best to focus. It hits you, no stairs from here, an elevator hidden. Without a word you pull away from the both of them and walk robotically toward an office to the right.

The walls are wood paneling, a desk and chairs and books sit as though they’re just waiting for someone to come back from lunch. You know they’ve been in the same position for near 30 years. Automatically your hand reaches for the pencil cup, fingers effortlessly locating the one pen that doesn’t move. The innocuous sound of a pen clicking is followed by the whooshing of an elevator.

You all exchange a glance. An elevator was risky but… it would be faster.

“Y/N found an access point down. Elevator, fifth office door on the right, click the red pen in the cup. We’ll take it to the bottom and work our way up.” Steve updates the rest of the team.

“Be careful,” Natasha responds.

“We’ve cleared the second level, no one here. Once we’re done we’ll head down too.” Tony sounds tense. Someone should be here. Likely they were all downstairs… waiting.

Steve presses the fourth button, at least you were right about that. The doors close and each of the men takes one of your hands. From the corner of your eye, you see Bucky cast Steve a small but appreciative smile. As the elevator slows Steve releases your hand and moves in front of you both, shield out.

The doors open and there’s silence for a moment. All three of your heads swivel to the left, enhanced ears picking up on the slightest sounds. It’s over quickly. Steve shields you all from the bullets. One asset is like you, but like the other their attacks are unrefined. Steve manages to block a bolt with the shield.

“Down!” You command Steve and Bucky.

They hit the ground and a second later you send a white-hot bolt of energy slicing through the group. Some dodge of course but none save for the asset is fast enough to avoid your next volley. The asset lunges at you, hands sparkling. Bucky plants a bullet between their eyes in an instant and they’re down, energy dissipating.

As you make your way through the level you’re met with two other factions, neither have another asset like you though. There are a couple of muzzled assets but they go down like all the rest. This is not, after all, a mission where mercy can be afforded.

You’re picking your way through the medical ward. The pulsating energy from the generators makes your skin tingle, small sparks rising from you every now and then. A couple of computers are still running and you wipe them clean, hoping there’s something useful there. Once you take what you need you fry them to a pile of bubbling metal and plastic.

The underground levels are expansive, and after almost two hours of fighting and searching, you’re still not done here. Every passing minute seems to bring a new fragment of memory shooting through your skull. You keep them to yourself though, it’s not the time for them.

Tony’s voice crackles in through the coms. “Nat’s down. Entered what looked like a room with a boxing ring, it was electrified or something. Her vitals are steady but she’s unconscious.”

You grasp your head in your hands, trying to convince yourself that your skull isn’t going to fly apart. “T… training,” is all you can get out.

“Didn’t copy,” Hill’s voice chimes in.

“Y/N says those are training areas,” Steve looks to you for confirmation and you nod. “Avoid any room like that you see.”

You shake your head redirecting your mind to thoughts that weren’t about the facility so your tongue would obey you. “Go help them.” Steve looks like he’s going to argue, “We’ve got this. With Nat down, they’re down a person up there and someone needs to have an eye on her while she comes too since we can’t just leave her in the jet.”

“She’s right Steve. And in charge,” he throws his friend a wink. “We can handle ourselves. Go.”

Steve nods, “I’m heading to you, hold your position.”

You think this area is almost clear. At least until you cautiously you open two double doors that lead into a viewing area. Chairs are aligned in rows, bolted to the ground. Maybe enough for 20-30 people However they don’t face a screen.

In the corner of the room is a clear wall of what seems to be some kind of reinforced glass set between steel beams. Beyond that wall is a decently sized room. The only entry from where you stand is a door made out of the same clear material lined in metal supports. The two other walls of the room are stark white save for a window revealing a dark space beyond.

Your breath hisses out of you, Bucky turns concerned. “What is it?” Like a fish dropped on dry land your mouth opens and closes, nothing but small noises escaping, your brain screaming to tell him but your body unable to comply. “It’s ok baby,” the fingers of his right hand caress your cheek. “It’s ok.” Quickly he leans down and kisses you softly.

His touch. That’s what you focus on. Grabbing his hand you think about how good it feels when his skin is against yours, how good it felt last night to be with him. This seems to work, to allow you to take back some authority.

“There’s more.” Your voice is low but steady. “Through there.” You point toward the glass. “Research I think.” Bucky nods and you both proceed.

As you get closer though the energy levels rise higher. This room is like the one that zapped Nat… His hand goes for the handle.

“Wait!” He freezes. “Let me go first. I think it… it’s…” Fuck them for taking your words. You hold up your hand and let the power lash out in mini lightning bolts to demonstrate.

“Got it. Then we leave it.”

“No.”

His expression is exasperated when he turns to you. “Y/N you said-”

“It won’t hurt me. We have to clear everything.”

“Fine, if it goes too far back though.”

“I won’t proceed. There’s gotta be a way to shut it off close by anyway. I’ll look for that first.” He’s clearly not thrilled and honestly, you’re not either but you want to do this right. You kiss his cheek before opening the door.

The door and the walls are at least ten inches thick, the space around the door reinforced to a ridiculous amount and clearly only meant to be opened from the outside. Immediately you’re flooded with that energy, pure power, electric and hot flowing into you. After a few steps, you stop, having to take a moment to gather yourself.

“Doll?” Bucky calls after you, his voice dripping with concern.

“I’m ok,” you hold your right arm out thin strands of energy flowing from you to the ground. To your surprise the feeling clears your head a bit, you feel more in control than you have this whole time.

“I think… I think there’s one more level.” You turn to him. “Down. Where this,” you hold open your hand and light pulses so bright it’s almost blinding, “comes from. “Where I-”

“Y/N!” Bucky bellows moving to enter the room despite the risk. You’re incredibly thankful the door slams, preventing him from killing himself in here. You hear him fire his gun at the glass to no avail as you turn.

The room to the back is lit all the sudden, the power around you beginning to dissipate.  A comm seems to switch on and you can hear Bucky’s voice screaming.

“Goddamnit! Steve, we have a situation back and left of where we split. Double doors. Backup now!”

You’re about to turn to tell him there’s gotta be another entrance and that you can hear him when a panel in the wall opens. You brace yourself for a fight, light coursing up your arms, lashing out ready to be released. A smirk plays on your face, they charged these rooms to trap people but only managed to give you a boost, unfortunate for them.

Instead of an asset or an agent though, a dignified older woman walks out. Her hair white and pulled into a familiar high bun. The set of her shoulders, the way her head is held, the way her eyes settle on you…

“Y/N!” Bucky screams, pounding on the door, trying in vain to get it open.

“Please, Sargeant Barnes, don’t make a fool of yourself,” the woman looks at him in disgust her accent softly Germanic. “This room was built to contain someone far more powerful than a recycled grunt like you could ever be.” She looks back to you, “Hello my little firefly.”

“Hurry!” Bucky bellows into the com. “Y/N! Baby doll, look at me.” He sounds like he’s a world away.

“M… mom?” You’re going to be sick you can feel it.

“Yes liebling,” she keeps her distance but gives you a smile. “It’s been too long. Longer to you I know. I wish that wasn’t the case but-”

You press the heels of your hands to your forehead as images flash. She was here… she had been… everywhere? What-

“This was not my preferred way my firefly but as always you have forced my hand.”

“I don’t-” you manage to breathe out. She takes a step toward you and you step back. Bucky is still pounding at the door with his metal fist, determined.

“You were born to be a wunderkind.” You can hear Steve in your crackling com, trying to find you but her voice cuts through everything. “My wunderkind. The honor to be chosen to be your mother…” She places her hand over her heart, “You were going to be the beginning of a new order for Hydra. A child raised in power-”

“W... what?!” This doesn’t make sense.

“Do you think you just happened to be stronger, faster, smarter all around better than your peers. No, my firefly.”

Suddenly you remember doctors visits throughout your childhood always with her. Your mother giving you injections telling you not to worry your dad because he was already so busy… The pushing the requirement to be perfect, it all takes on a sinister air.

“No, we made you better, all so you could become who you were meant to be. But instead, you threw it all away.” She sighs, a sound you grew familiar with as a teenager. “You forced my hand then, you’ve done so now.”

Steve is there, pounding with his shield, it’s not doing much, they call for Tony but you just can’t seem to care.

“It was one thing to work with trash like that,” she gestures to Bucky and Steve. “We could, I could, tolerate it while we got things sorted but to be with it. To debase yourself with Zola’s dog. I couldn’t stand by.”

“What did you say…” You growl, power once more pulsing.

“Don’t listen to her, Y/N!” Bucky calls out.

“I created you to surpass everyone, to stand above humanity. I made you-”

“You made me into a monster!” A bolt crashes just in front of her. Unimpressed she looks down.

“I made you into a god!” She sneers, “You made yourself into a disappointment.” That word hits you like a bullet to the chest. “Filling your body with filth. Associating with low lives. I did what any mother would do when it was clear there was no hope. I saved you from yourself!”

She takes a deep breath and composes herself. “We would have brought you back home in a gentler fashion. But when I saw those photos… I knew I had to extract you sooner.”

“Home,” you spit the word.

“Yes. This is your home, Y/N. With me.” You hear Tony in the com he’s coming. Once more she sighs, “No matter, soon you’ll remember who you are, what you were born to be. Doch’,” the Russian word for daughter zings through you.

Immediately you lift a glowing hand in threat, “Don’t.”

“Ubegay,” a smirk lifts her lips.

Your hand shakes as does your voice, “Mama, don’t.” Even after everything… the thought of killing your mother…

“Boginya,” you try to shoot her but you miss. “Rassvet.”

“Bucky!” You scream, power slipping away from you in response to the words. Frantically you run to the glass by the door.

“Y/N! Tony hurry!”

“Vybrannyy.”

He presses close as Steve keeps pounding at the handle, “Look at me baby,” his voice echoes over the com. “Stay-”

“Zashchishchat’.” You scream and fall to your knees holding your head. He kneels mouth moving but you can’t really understand the words. “Pod’yem.” Your body feels so heavy your head filled with humming, static, pain.

“Y/N!” He screams your name over and over. This man…

“Dvadtsat’,” another man outside, metal man. You rise slowly and turn toward the woman speaking. The woman with the words. “Dtanovit’sya.”

She smiles broadly, “Svetlyak.” Everything in you... freezes. “There’s my firefly.”

There’s a loud noise behind you. You don’t think to look, haven’t been told to. No orders. Just wait.

Something circular swooshes through the air hitting the woman with the words in the stomach, she crumples to the ground. You don’t care, she didn’t give you orders to protect her.

“Y/N! Baby!” A man with a metal arm takes you by the shoulders, shakes you. “Y/N?! Come on, fight it! Come back to me.” He looks so upset… did he give you orders? He seems familiar…

“Soldat?” That’s right, the arm. The Soldier. Not a handler but he sometimes was like one. He looks at you horrified. The other men just watch.

Would he know what you were to do? “Kakovy nashi zakazy?” (What are our orders?)

“Oh god.” He runs a hand over his face and through his hair, turning away. When he turns back he strikes you, hard, with his metal hand.

You hit your knees. Head reeling from the blow. From Bucky’s blow.

“Barnes!” Tony bellows.

Bucky ignores him collapsing next to you. “I’m so sorry baby,” he pulls you to him. “I’m so sorry. I’m so-”

He’s pressed your face to his chest, rocking you a little, “Thank you,” you croak.

He holds you at arm's length, “Y/N?!”

You nod, “Thank you. You kept your promise.”

His face collapses. For a minute you hold one another both knowing that the end had just come so close.

There’s a wheezing, a cough, before, “Pathetic.”

That bitch. You release Bucky and stand, pushing past Steve and Tony who are dumbfounded at everything they’ve seen. Standing over your mother you feel power pulse up your spine.

“I thought you’d be my biggest victory, you’re nothing. Too weak for greatness like your father.” She forces herself up coughing once more, blood at the edges of her mouth. “I should have put you both down.”

“Fuck you,” you growl. About to blast a hole through her chest.

“Hail, Hydra.” Immediately she begins to foam at the mouth.

“No you don’t get to-” A wild feral scream tears through you and you blast her straight to the chest once, twice, before you let loose a third Bucky wraps you in his arms turning you away from your mother's corpse.

You break. Screaming and screaming until it doesn’t even seem to be coming from you. Body pulsing bright all over. Your whole life… everything you thought you had known or that you had tried to draw peace from was a lie. Your own mother… Had she killed your dad… All because you…

Bucky’s lips are next to your ear, softly he begins to sing. Fly Me To The Moon. “In other words, hold my hand,” his hands slide over your own, sparking with energy. “In other words, baby, kiss me…” Slowly you both sink to the floor, your screams giving way to sobs. “You are all I long for, All I worship and adore,” he rocks you gently your back to his chest. “In other words, I love you.”

As he finishes you’re able to get a hold of yourself, body no longer glowing dangerously. Breathe a little normally.

“It’s clear back there,” you hear Hill’s voice say softly to Steve and Tony. “Got some data from the computer. I don’t think she expected to lose, there’s a lot there.”

“Great,” Tony whispers. He kneels in front of you, “Sparks,” his gauntleted hand rests gently on your thigh, “let’s get you outta here.”

Bucky releases you and you stand on shaky legs. “Natasha?” You ask looking to Hill.

“She’s ok,” she gives you a warm smile.

The relief from that statement is short lived. A massive pulse of energy thrums somewhere beneath your feet.

Your eyes shoot to Tony’s as Jarvis pipes over the com, “There seems to be some sort of anomaly, I cannot get a lock on it but I suggest immediate evacuation.” You nod agreeing.

The elevators are down, likely an automatic shut off when there’s a breach like the one you’re feeling. You know that somewhere there have to be stairs but no one had found them yet. Tony blasts through the doors without a thought.

“We could climb up,” Steve says.

“Too slow.” He steps in and rips a hole through the roof, “Get in, I can pull it up.” You do as he says and Tony pulls the car up at the first-floor doors Steve pulls them open. The three of you let Hill out first before crawling out yourselves. Once everyone is clear he releases the car and it plummets to the ground.

Another pulse of energy rattles the windows on the building. It’s so like your own for a moment you’re scared it’s coming from you.

“Sir, I believe the facility is set to demolish itself,” Jarvis’ unfazed tone rings in your ear.

“Right. Let’s get going. Wilson, get that van ready we need to get the hell out now,” Steve calls out as he starts for the exit.

Hill is fast but she's not enhanced and the distance between the main building and the van is about 150 yards. Tony scoops her up and the three of you run at full speed. Almost to the van, you feel a massive pulse vibrate the ground under your feet, curling up your burning legs you freeze.

Bucky looks at you from the door, “Y/N, come on baby.” Another wave, this time you hear the buildings around you groan.

It’s not just the building that’s set to blow… You realize with a sick feeling… it wasn’t that your mother didn’t think she’d lose… she just knew it wouldn’t matter either way. When this detonates, you don’t know if it’s an asset or multiple or what… but the blast will be devastating. If it’s even fractionally as powerful as it feels Odessa will be in the bottom of a crater in the coming minutes… All those innocent people…

Bucky’s approaching you, to drag you to the van. Tony hovers close by, you look to him as you start to back up, “Remember that promise, Tony?”

“Yeah…”

“Time to cash in.” Bucky is almost to you and you shoot a light shock toward him to slow him down before you bolt back to the main building.

“Y/N!”/“Goddamnit!” You hear Tony and Bucky exclaim simultaneously. There are the sounds of a scuffle.

“Tell me what’s happening Sparky!” Tony grunts, the sound of metal on metal ringing in your com.

“It’s bad, the blast, the energy, real bad. I can stop it just get him!” You look over and see Bucky in hot pursuit before Tony grabs him.

You don’t look back again. You can’t. Despite hearing Bucky call out over and over.

Unable to stand it you rip the com out of your ear, crushing it in your hand. Even without it, even with the rumble of the earth, you can make out the fight. Should have told them to go, get away… But you can keep them safe. You will keep them safe.

At the face of the building, you take a deep breath and jump, releasing a blast from your palms to propel you up. This wasn’t something you did often, and sometimes it didn’t work but right now you have no choice, you’ve got to get to the roof. From there you can channel the energy through the building pull it up, focus it into something concentrated rather than an uncontrollable destructive blast. It will be unlike anything you had ever done but… you had to try.

It gets you about halfway. You grab a window ledge with both hands, using everything you have you push yourself up, releasing your grip and letting out more energy. Another wave of force almost causes you to lose your grip on the edge of the roof but you hang on and get there.

Kneeling at the edge you place your hands flat on the concrete, much as you had that day you thought of killing Bucky in the field you send your sense out to find your target down, down, down using the metal supports of the building itself to guide you. There.

It feels like people, three of them, assets, just like you… all about to blow…  

Looking out you can see them still. Bucky and Tony are struggling, the whisper of Bucky’s screams echoing through the abandoned buildings. Everyone else standing unsure of what to do. All these people you… love.

You focus with all your might to draw the power of the three hopeless souls into something you can control. As you do so your heart shatters in your chest because now you know you aren’t getting through this, not if you want to save them all… and you never fucking said it.

Not to any of them and not to the one person who really needed to hear it… You told him with your body, with your concern, in every subtle sweet way a person can but those three words… words you knew with all your being were true… you never let them fall from your lips… and now…

Your own power, coursing through the frame of the building, begins to act like a sort of intangible conduit as it harnesses that of the three assets. Strangely it’s easy, their force so undisciplined, seems almost happy to find a path to flow into. The building groans, smoke emitting from it here and there, windows blowing from the rising heat. White streaks of light are beginning to become visible, like concentrated lightning, running straight for you.

As this overload flows into your body it takes everything in you to not scream, the pain is so blinding. You don’t want them… him to hear that though. Raising your other arm to the pink early dawn sky you pray to anything that will hear you that this plan will work… that you’re strong enough to contain this force. Like some bizarre lightning rod, the power thrums through you crackling from your fingertips, your body glowing bright…

“Like a firefly,” you think.

“Straight up, straight down, not out, not out, contain this contain it.” You focus on those words, determined. The power is about to break, you can feel it. The light almost blotting out everything, taking away your view of them.

“I love you,” you whisper wishing he could hear.

Then there’s nothing but light, and pain, and surrender.

[ed-edward-blackbeard]

long-ass fucking questionnaire

yoooooooo, I did it all.

I’m starting this at 1:15 in the morning.  Let’s see how long it takes me to finish.  cause I’m a masochist, apparently.

1: My name? do I HAVE to?  Okay, it’s Kelly.  But I really hate it, so usually I go by Kel.  A few lucky ones get to call me Kelly, but only because I love the way my name sounds when they say it.  There, my dirty secret is out.

2: Do I have any nicknames? A plethora.  Artie (after the fish), Fluffie (long story) Jellybean

3: Zodiac sign? The most Libra Libra that has ever Libra’d.

4: Video game I play to chill, not to win? I don’t play video games.  But I play a few online games, so Doctor Who: Legacy

5: Book/series I reread? The Black Dagger Brotherhood by JR Ward (Series) The Harry Potter books Morgan Chase and the Gods of Asgard by Rick Riordan (series) Good Omens (Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett) Watchers (Dean Koontz) Insomnia (Stephen King)

6: Aliens or ghosts? I have nothing against either.  But I enjoy writing about ghosts more.

7: Writer I trust enough to read whatever they write? Stephen King

8: Favourite radio station? NPR, strangely enough.

9: Favourite flavour of anything? Lemon.  I still thoroughly enjoy chocolate, but my radiation therapy changed the way it tasted.  

10: The word that I use all the time to describe something great? Awesome.  Both with and without the addition of the adjective “fucking”

11: Favourite song? My standard answer is, ‘Everything Louder Than Everything Else’ by Meat Loaf, because I truly love that song, but lately I’ve been on a Game of Thrones kick, and i’m stuck on “The Rains of Castamere” by Sigur Rios and “The Bear and the Maiden Fair” because it’s such a Jaime x Brienne song.

12: The question you ask new friends to get to know them better? Bold of you to assume I have friends.

13: Favourite word? sycophant, gestalt, melancholy

14: The last person who hurt me, did I forgive them? After about, oh, ten years or so, yes I did.  It’s a new thing for me.  usually I hold grudges until the end of time.

15: Last song I listened to? “Stairway To Heaven” by Led Zeppelin

16: TV show I always recommend? Current:  American Gods, Better Call Saul Cancelled/ended:  Hannibal (NBC), Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood

17: Pirates or ninjas? Drink up me hearties, yo ho!  Yo ho, yo yo ho, a pirate’s life for me.

18: Movie I watch when I’m feeling down? Usually something from the Disney/Pixar Ouvre.  Except UP.  UP makes me sob in the first ten minutes, so no.

19: Song that I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song? Du Hast, Rammstein.

20: Favourite video games? Puzzles and Dragons, Doctor Who: Legacy, Dragonvale

21: What am I most afraid of? Snakes, without a doubt.

22: A good quality of mine? I’m creative

23: A bad quality of mine? I don’t think before I speak, so i sometimes don’t end up saying what I mean to say and hurt/offend in the process.

24: Cats or dogs? Bi-petual with a preference to cats

25: Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they’re in? Bruce Campbell.  Alien Apocalypse, anybody?

26: Favourite season? Winter

27: Am I in a relationship? No, although I do love someone very much

28: Something I miss? Being a kid, with all the possibilities of my life still ahead of me

29: My best friend? @mummyholmesisupset and @silvarbelle.  they tie.

30: Eye colour? Hazel-greenish, with a little bit of sunflower around the pupil

31: Hair colour? Normally, a pretty chestnut brown.  sometimes I bleach it or dye it.

32: Someone I love? @silvarbelle, she’s my sister-from-another-mister, and I will throw hands for that bitch in a heartbeat.

33: Someone I trust? @mummyholmesisupset because she’s earned it a hundred times over.  @silvarbelle because I love her like family.

34: Someone I always think about? My grandmother.  she died when I was seventeen, and I still miss her.

35: Am I excited about anything? My birthday

36: My current obsession? Gam of thrones, Doctor Who, Hannibal, the MCU

37: Favourite TV shows as a child? Thundercats, Scooby Doo, 60s Batman, My Favorite Martian, the Monkees

38: Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to? No, thank God.

39: Am I superstitious? Not overly, but I do have a few.

40: What do I think about most? Writing

41: Do I have any strange phobias? Is arachnophobia strange?

42: Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? Behind it, dear God.

43: Favourite hobbies? Writing, reading, pinning things on Pinterest that I absolutely mean to do but probably never will

44: Last book I read? Watchers by Dean Koontz, and I’m in the middle of Fear by Bob Woodward

45: Last film I watched? Backdraft.  “You go, we go.”  

46: Do I play any instruments? Not since band class in the early 90s.

47: Favourite animal? Cat.

48: Top 5 blog on Tumblr that I follow? ???????  I don’t think I do.

49: Superpower I wish I could have? Manipulation of probability

50: How do I destress? Writing, watching Netflix, watching Mythbusters

51: Do I like confrontation? Like it, no.  Good at it, yes.

52: When do I feel most at peace? When it’s quiet and the only noises are the clicking of the keyboard and my cats’ purring

53: What makes me smile? Cute animals, stupid puns, comments on fic

54: Do I sleep with the lights on or off? Off, except for my TARDIS nightlight

55: Play any sports? Fuck no.

56: What is my song of the week? Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

57: Favourite drink? 1% milk.

58: When did I last send a handwritten letter to somebody? A few months?  It was to @mummyholmesisupset in fact.

59: Afraid of heights? Desperately so.

60: Pet peeve? Anchovies, people who don’t use coasters, and men who smoke in public places.  (yes, it’s a movie reference.  And if you get it, I will send you a shiny nickel)

61: What was the last concert I went to see? Black Sabbath’s Theater of Madness

62: Am I vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian? Fuck no.  I am, in fact, omnivorous and diabetic.

63: What occupation did I want to do when I was younger? To be Daphne Blake in Mystery, Inc.

64: Have I ever had a friend turn enemy? Yep.  Not fun.

65: What fictional universe would I like to be a part of? Hannibal’s.  I’m not rude for the most part, so I have a pretty good chance at surviving.

66: Something I worry about? My future.  Cancer has shortened my life span, my relatives are all 65+, and I am an only child with no children of my own (Thank Christ)  I haven’t worked since 2004 (been caretaking sick parents) so I’m concerned.

67: Scared of the dark? I love the dark, so no.

68: Who are my best friends? @mummyholmesisupset  @silvarbelle

69: What do I admire most about others? That they can do things, very well, that I can’t do.  What that is varies from person to person

70: Can I sing? Not very well, but I don't let that stop me...

71: Something I wish I could do? Write professionally.  I love writing fanfic, but I'd kill to be a real, published author.

72: If I won the lottery, what would I do? Pay off bills, go back to college, buy myself a car (pickup, Ford F-150 with fog lights and automatic steering), pay off my mom's bills, hire an aide to stay with Mom, move to my favorite city and hire a winter-time driver because I can't drive for shit in the snow/ice.

73: Have I ever skipped school? Nope.  Often wanted to, never have.

74: Favourite place on the planet? Asheville, NC.  Technically, it's Montreat, which is right outside of Black Mountain and is a township unto itself.  It's also home to Montreat Bible College, established by Billy Graham, and the Chapel of the Prodigal.  It is also home to Lake Susan, one of the most quiet and beautiful places on God's green earth, and I would live by that little lake if I could.  I have photos in my Google Drive, I need to share them sometime.  You'll see what I mean.  But I love Asheville, too, downtown and all.  

75: Where do I want to live? Asheville, NC.  Except I can't drive in the snow and ice, so there's that.

76: Do I have any pets? I have two cats, Samhain Murray (Sam) and Margaret May (Maggie, Maggie May, Margaret Ann)

77: What is my current desktop picture? On my laptop, it's Oswald Cobblepot (Robin Lord Taylor) from Gotham.  On my tablet, it's the Superman logo.  On my phone, it's my cat, Sam.

78: Early bird or night owl? Night owl, given that it's 2:30 AM and I'm still working on this.

79: Sunsets or sunrise? Sunsets, please.

80: Can I drive? i don't know, can you?  I can.

81: Story behind my last kiss? I kissed my cat on his cold wet nose because he was headbutting me and so I kissed him.

82: Earphones or headphones? Earphones, sadly.  I prefer headphones, but headphones are uncomfortable because I wear glasses.  So, earbuds.

83: Have I ever had braces? Did you?  I don't know.  Did I?  Yes, I did, I fucking despised them.

84: Story behind one of my scars? in late 2004, I started getting very ill.  I couldn't keep food down, I was puking all the time, pale and everything, so I went to the ER and found I had a mass the size of a basketball growing in my abdomen.  I was shipped to the local cancer center because of the cancer markers, and at the tender age of 27, I got a hysterectomy.  I was cut from my navel to my diaphragm, old school, because the mass was twenty-four pounds.  Benign, thank goodness, but it had started to go necrotic and I was well into blood poisoning (the reason I was puking and sick all the time).  I still have the scar, and always will.

85: Favourite genre of music? instrumental celtic.

86: Who is my hero? I don't know that I have one, as such

87: Favourite comic book character? SUPERMAN, BABY.  SUCK MY DICK BATS

88: What makes me really angry? Mistreatment of people and animals.  Abuse of people and animals.

89: Kindle or real book? Both have their benefits, but I love the weight and feel of a real book.  I love the portability of a Kindle.  

90: Favourite sporty activity? Marathon TV-binge

91: What is one thing that isn’t tight in schools that should be? There's NOTHING RIGHT in schools

92: What was my favourite subject at school? Creative writing

93: Siblings? Nope, my parents saw their mistake and decided never again.

94: What was the last thing I bought? A pair of Sperry deck shoes with Han Solo and Chewbacca on them.

95: How tall am I? 5'6

96: Can I cook? yes, I can.  perhaps not well, but I can cook enough to feed myself and my mom.

97: Can I bake? Yes, I can.  I'm a SLIGHTLY better baker than a cook.

98: 3 things I love? Writing, my cats, Christopher Reeve

99: 3 things I hate? So many things.  Um, spiders, snakes, creepy clowns

100: Do I have more girl friends or boy friends? at the moment, girl.  when I was in school?  boy.

101: Who do I get on with better, girls or boys? General rule?  Boys, or girls that are kind of not-ultra-girly.

102: Where was I born? North Carolina, that hotbed of conservative bullshit.  I'm actually ashamed to admit that's where I'm from.

103: Sexual orientation? I'm working on figuring that out.  Let's call it bisexual for now, and I'll update you as it happens.

104: Where do I currently live? North Carolina, sadly.

105: Last person I texted? @mummyholmesisupset

106: Last time I cried? Today.  I was watching WALL-E on STARZ, and UP came on while I was finishing dinner.  By the time Ellie was miscarrying, I was bawling.

107: Guilty pleasure? I'm not really guilty about my pleasures, but I do have a soft spot for mind-candy romance novels.  Like Johanna Lindsey, Nina Bangs, Harlequin, etc.

108: Favourite Youtuber? I hate Youtubers.

109: A photo of myself. uh, no.

110: Do I like selfies? fuck no.

111: Favourite game app? Doctor Who: Legacy

112: My relationship with my parents? It varies from moment to moment.  My dad never really understood me, and after he got sick and was in a coma for awhile, it changed him.  so there was never really a chance for him to try.  My relationship with my mom is... complicated.  Sometimes we're BFFs and finish each other's sandwiches, and other times, we hate each other's guts and would gladly murder each other and bury the bodies in the backyard.

113: Favourite accents? Spanish, English/Scottish, all the Asian ones (the gentleman that runs my local Chinese restaurant speaks Cantonese and Mandarin both, and I could listen to that all day.)

114: A place I have not been but wish to visit? London, Dublin, Cork, Kerry, Scotland, Italy, Greece, New York, Japan, Los Angeles

115: Favourite number? 15

116: Can I juggle? Nope

117: Am I religious? Eh, not really.  I go to bible study mostly because I have half a crush on the preacher.

118: Do I like space? YES.

119: Do I like the deep ocean? Not so much.

120: Am I much of a daredevil? NO

121: Am I allergic to anything? Ciprofloxacin, IV contrast dye, Mobic/meloxicam, Zofram/ondansetron, and a ton of fragranced products (I have sensitive skin that breaks out at the drop of a hat.)  

122: Can I curl my tongue? Yep!

123: Can I wiggle my ears? Nope!

124: Do I like clowns? Yes, if they're cute.  NOT PENNYWISE, I HATE PENNYWISE.  But I love Tim Curry's Pennywise.  But that's because Tim Curry is awesome.

125: The Beatles or Elvis? Elvis.  I'm an Elvis chick.

126: My current project? "By Inches We Fall," a Game of Thrones fanfic that's Jaime Lannister x Brienne of Tarth.  I'm also working on some Christmas projects involving spray paint and recycled K-Cups

127: Am I a bad loser? Horrible loser.  I hate to lose.

128: Do I admit when I wrong? sometimes.  depends on who I'm talking to, and the tone of the discussion.  if it's a civil discourse, yes I will.  If we're shouting?  I'm not backing down.

129: Forest or beach? Forest.  A forest doesn't leave sand in your butt crack.

130: Favourite piece of advice? Mind your own business and you won't be minding mine

131: Am I a good liar? I used to be.

132: Hogwarts house / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district? Slytherin/what the fuck is a Divergent/12

133: Do I talk to myself? i do, and sometimes I answer

134: Am I very social? HAHAHAHAHA NO.

135: Do I like gossip? sit by me and pour that tea, bitch.

136: Do I keep a journal/diary? I do, on paper, and you'll never read it.

137: Have I ever hopelessly failed a test? i failed every physics test I took in high school.  after becoming a Mythbusters stan, I retook an online physics test and passed it.  

138: Do I believe in second chances? depends on the situation and the person, but generally not.  i have been known to give them, though.

139: If I found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do? oh man.  I'd like to say I'd turn it in untouched, but.  I also know I've got medication pay for (mine and mom's), her insurance to pay for (i'm uninsured), groceries and gas to buy, so in all probability?  I'd keep the cash but return everything else.

140: Do I believe people are capable of change? No.  People are who they are.  they might change what they think or what they believe in, but who they are?  No.

141: Have I ever been underweight? AHAHAHAHAHA NO

142: Am I ticklish? ...there's no good way to answer.  If I say no, you'll tickle me to prove it.  If I say yes, you'll tickle me.  But yes, I am.  especially my feet.

143: Have I ever been in a submarine? WTF?  No.

144: Have I ever been on a plane? Once, and never again

145: In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family? Rebel Wilson as me, America Ferrera as @mummyholmesisupset, Kristen Bell as @silvarbelle, Jessica Lange as my mother, and I can't think of anyone else.

146: Have I ever been overweight? Always, am currently, though I'm working to lose it.  I've lost about 50 lbs in the past year, so I'm doing okay

147: Do I have any piercings? Three in my right ear, two in my left.

148: Which fictional character do I wish was real? Hannibal Lecter.

149: Do I have any tattoos? nope, but I want a couple.

150: What is the best decision I have made in life so far? .....i haven't made a single good decision....

151: Do I believe in Karma? it bites me on the ass often enough, so yes I do.

152: Do I wear glasses or contacts? Glasses, and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have to switch to bifocals next time

153: What was my first car? 1979 green Dodge Aries K

154: Do I want children? If they're furry and four-legged, sure.

155: Who is the most intelligent person I know? um, probably my uncle with two frigging masters degrees

156: My most embarrassing memory? I met John deLancie at a Star Trek con once, just coming down the stairs from his room to the con floor.  And I fell all over myself talking to him because I was like, fourteen or something and he was tall and handsome and genuinely happy to be tthere and I was basically every fangirl's nightmare.

157: What makes me nostalgic? watching old TV shows I loved as a kid, or reading books I haven't read in years.

158: Have I ever pulled an all-nighter? Yep

159: Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty? brains.  i'm practically a zombie.

160: What colour mostly dominates my wardrobe? Purple and fuschia equally.

161: Have I ever had a paranormal experience? Not as such, no.

162: What do I hate most about myself? Everything?

163: What do I love most about myself? I like my hair.

164: Do I like adventure? only the ones in books.

165: Do I believe in fate? not really.

166: Favourite animal? Felis cattus

167: Have I ever been on radio? nope

168: Have I ever been on TV? nope

169: How old am I? 42

170: One of my favourite quotes? "Lock the door.  And hope they don't have blasters."

171: Do I hold grudges? you bet your bippy I do.  (what is a bippy and why are you betting it?)

172: Do I trust easily? No.

173: Have I learnt from my mistakes? I hope I have.  But I suspect I haven't.

174: Best gift I’ve ever received? A single cupcake and a rosebud, given to me by the nurses at the cancer treatment center because it was my birthday and I was having radiation and felt absolutely shitty.  so they surprised me with a little cupcake and a rose for my birthday and it made me feel better.

175: Do I dream? Yep.

176: Have I ever had a night terror? Yep

177: Do I remember my dreams, and what is one that comes to mind? I remember some of them, like the Continuing Adventures of Roxy, the Pink Police Poodle.

178: An experience that has made me stronger? My breakups.

179: If I were immortal, what would I do? Sleep a lot, read even more, learn everything that I never had before.

180: Do I like shopping? I do!

181: If I could get away with a crime, what would I choose to do? Bank robbery.

182: What does “family” mean to me? family is a group of people, not necessarily related by blood, who have chosen to band together in love and support of each other.

183: What is my spirit animal? According to my meditation quest, it's a wolf.  But I'm not really comfortable saying that because it wasn't a real vision quest, I'd have to go to the res for that (i have Cherokee blood on my father's side) and I haven't.

184: How do I want to be remembered? As someone who tried to be good.

185: If I could master one skill, what would I choose? Woodcarving.

186: What is my greatest failure? I dropped out of college in the 90s, when I had an accident that broke my ankle.  I never went back.

187: What is my greatest achievement? five-year survivor, cancer-free!

188: Love or money? Money, sadly.

189: Love or career? love

190: If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go? Am I an observer like the Doctor?  If yes, then I would go back to the Globe Theater and see all of Shakespeare as it was originally performed. Am I living there, stuck?  Future, please.

191: What makes me the happiest? Writing.

192: What is “home” to me? Where I lay my head.

193: What motivates me? How I feel, what I see, something that fascinates me.

194: If I could choose my last words, what would they be? Wake me up when it's over

195: Would I ever want to encounter aliens? Depends on if they're hostile or kind.

196: A movie that scared me as a child? The Dark Crystal.  I love it now.

197: Something I hated as a child that I like now? V-8 juice

198: Zombies or vampires? oooh, both.  But vampires.

199: Live in the city or suburbs? Suburbs

200: Dragons or wizards? Dragons all the way, man.  I love dragons.

201: A nightmare that has stayed with me? Its always the same.  I'm being chased by someone/something, it's always getting closer, and it sounds like a loud, roaring motorcycle.  And I'm always running or racing through the Black Lodge from Twin Peaks (the place with all the red curtains and the black/white zig-zag floor.  That place freaks me the fuck out, and ever since the show aired, it's been in my nightmares)

202: How do I define love? Love is not love, that alters when it alteration finds, nor bends with the remover to remove; O no, it is an ever fixed mark, that looks on tempests and is never shaken.

203: Do I judge a book by its cover? sometimes.  I've found great books in the bargain bin that way.  I've also found a few stinkers.  Come to think of it, I've found a few people that way too.  Some great, some stinkers.

204: Have I ever had my heart broken? I have.

205: Do I like my handwriting? i do, actually

206: Sweet or savoury? Savoury

207: Worst job I’ve had? Market research interview administrator.  I was one of those assholes that flagged you down in the mall and made you watch a commercial or a movie trailer, or try a snack product and then asked you a billion and five questions about it

208: Do I collect anything? Funko POPs, Superman memorabilia, Star Wars and Star Trek memorabilia, penguins, mooses

209: Item of clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without? my dragon ring, my pocketwatch

210: What is on my bucket list? I don't have one

211: How do I handle anger? Depends.  I sometimes hold it in, but most times I blow like a firecracker.  hot and hard, and then I cool off.

212: Was I named after anyone? my dad's uncle Kelly, and my mom's father Ray (i'm Kelly Rae)

213: Do I use sarcasm a lot? me?  sarcastic?  Perish the thought.

214: What TV character am I most like? Dobie Gillis.

215: What is the weirdest talent I have? I can twirl just about anything like a baton and not drop it

216: Favourite fictional character? Ashley j. Williams

3:24 AM.  Son of a bitch.

[gray-autumn-sky]

To the Future and Fox Hats

Set in my You’ve Got Mail Verse - Roland in the hat above (sort of lol)

For Dany’s birthday. Happy 21st!

Regina’s stomach flutters nervously as she shifts herself on the couch, reaching for her wine and curling her feet beneath herself. This is her third official date with Robin, but they’re hardly in a place where most couples would be upon a third date. For months, they’d traded letters--getting to know each other and falling in love. For awhile, it had all been anonymous--something fun and flirty to fill their time, giving them each a sort of pseudo-companionship, filling the void that a real companion might.

She hadn’t been looking for love, at least, not this sort of love, and it took her by surprise--especially when she learned who he was. At that point, she’d been convinced it could never work between them. In their real, everyday lives, he hated her-- and with good reason. She’d been trying to destroy his career for her own professional gain, and rarely did she allow anyone to see beyond her tough exterior. She knew the way others perceived her--a black widow in the publishing world--and she did nothing to change that. In fact, she embraced it. She liked that the men who dominated her field feared her, she liked that they viewed her as icy and cold, and she wore the bitch badge they’d pinned to her proudly.

That was who she was professionally, that was what she presented to the world, and she had no interested in letting down her guard or allowing anyone to see past her the façade she’d worked so hard to build. So that was the woman Robin Locksley knew--and, therefore, could never love.

But she was wrong--and she’d never been so glad for it.

“You like asparagus, right?” he calls out, looking up at her from the stovetop where he stands. “If not I have green beans as a backup.”

Laughing softly, she nods. “Asparagus sounds amazing.”

“Good, because the green beans are of the canned variety,” he admits, offering a sheepish grin. “My son only eats vegetables from a can. He thinks the fresh kind would kill him, I think.”

She laughs, remembering when Henry was Roland’s age and staunch in his belief that oranges and orange juice completely tasted nothing alike, that cake and cupcakes were completely different, and that bologna sandwiches were disgusting, but hot dogs were his go-to meal of choice.

“Are you sure I can’t help?”

“Positive.”

“I… just feel sort of useless,” she admits. “And I like to cook.”

“I know you do,” he tells her, grinning as he looks to her. “But I’m giving you a night off.”

She feels her cheeks warm as she sips her wine, grinning over the rim as her gaze falls away from his. Robin Locksley is nothing if not considerate of her, and she’s not sure she’s ever had anyone like him in her life.

That afternoon, after a business meeting that went on for far too long, she’d returned to her office to find a little white envelope sitting on her chair. She’d immediately recognized his hand writing on the front of it, spelling out her name, and she brightened as she opened it, remembering the letters they’d exchanged and how she’d looked forward to them.

Her finger slipped beneath the seal, pulling out a little note card that explained that Robin found himself free for the evening and wondered if she was available for dinner at short notice. Belle was taking Roland on a date, of sorts, to see 101 Dalmations on the big screen at some fancy theatre uptown. Afterwards, she was taking him for a dinner of his choice--which he knew would be fast food--and since they’d be getting in late, she’d offered to keep him for the night, leaving him completely free for the evening.

By the time she’d finished reading the card, Emma was standing in her doorway, wearing a stupidly sly grin as she asked if she needed someone to take Henry for the night--and when she cautiously said that she might, Emma nodded knowingly, admitting she’d already planned a night of pizza and arcade games that she’d probably enjoy more than Henry would.

She’d gone through the rest of the day with butterflies in her stomach--and Emma and Ruby teasing her about what a third date meant, and how convenient it was that they’d be all alone at his apartment. She’d rolled her eyes at the notion, but when it came time to pack Henry’s overnight bag, she found herself packing one for herself… just in case.

“It’s almost ready,” he tells her, grinning. “And I have to say, for a guy who makes mac-n-cheese four nights a week and chicken nuggets the other three, I’m rather impressed with myself.”

“I’m sure I’d agree… if I knew what you were up to in there.”

He grins. “Well, you know about the asparagus.”

“Right,” she laughs, taking another sip of her wine. “That solves it all.”

“I will tell you, though, that if this doesn’t pan out, I’ve got a frozen lasagna ready to go in the freezer.”

“Again,” she says, uncurling her legs and leaning forward, trying to catch a glimpse into the kitchen. “I am a fantastic cook. I would love to hel--”

“Sit.”

“But--”

“No,” he grins, his eyes falling to her nearly empty glass. “You need more.”

“Oh--” Before she can decline, thinking it might be best to wait until dinner is served before she has another glass, Robin is rounding the counter that divides the rooms, a bottle of apple riesling in hand. “Well, if you insist.”

“I do,” he tells her, topping off her glass. “And if you’re bored--”

“No, no, no. I’m not. That’s not why I--”

He chuckles softly as her voice trails off, his blue eyes sparkling in a way that makes her feel giddy and nervous, and a bunch of other things she’s only just getting used to feeling again. “Well, if you’d like something to do to pass the time while I’m finishing up dinner,” he says, “There are some magazines over there, books, too. I’m sure you can find something.”

She nods, as he disappears into the kitchen again and she grins as she watches a little puff of steam rise up when he lifts the lid to stir whatever it is he’s cooking.

Rising up from the couch, she wanders over to the bookshelf that spans the length of the wall. Being in publishing and bookselling, it’s always something she pays attention to when she visits other people’s homes--and she’s not at all surprised to see a lot of Hemingway, biographies of explorers, like Meriwether Lewis, and tales of legendary Native American chiefs. She scans the spines, noting a particularly well-loved copy of the Nick Adams Stories and equally loved copy of Elizabeth Barrett Browning poems that does surprise her. The lowest two shelves are filled with children’s books, things ranging from Clifford the Big Red Dog to Harry Potter to a few Choose Your Own Adventure-type books.

And then, on a little ottoman beside an overstuffed armchair, there’s a cooking magazine. She can see the dog-eared pages and curiosity gets the best of her--and when the first page falls open to prosciutto wrapped asparagus, her grin turns to a full-on smile.

Somehow, the thought of him pouring through old cooking magazines--all of which are addressed to Belle--picking out dishes that are far out of his kid-friendly comfort zone and dishes he thinks she’d like, makes her heart flutter a bit.

Catching her lip between her teeth, she glances up to see Robin very focused on stirring something--and when she flips to the other dog-eared pages, she decides he’s probably working on the risoto. She giggles a little, remembering something about risoto that she’d written in a letter--something about the effort it takes and how it's the sort of dish you serve to show someone they’re worth your time.

The main course, she realizes will be baked salmon, and the apple-cinnamon smell that consumed her as soon as she entered the apartment likely wasn’t a scented candle as he’d claimed, but a cinnamon apple crumble cake.

She smiles and bites down harder on her lip, setting the magazine down as she watches him stirring with a sort of focused determination that’s nothing short of endearing--and then, as she looks away, a framed picture of a toddler-aged Roland catches her eye.

“Oh my god,” she breathes out, reaching for the picture to get a better look at the curly-haired, dimple-cheeked little boy with big brown eyes, grinning a nearly toothless grin as he sits in a mound of leaves, holding onto one rather large maple leaf. He’s wearing a thick brown quilted jacket that’s open over his jean overalls and a little orange and blue flannel shirt, and on top of his head is a little knit fox hat that just might be the cutest thing she’s ever seen.

It has little ears sticking up and tiny button eyes, and black little nose that seems to take up half of Roland’s forehead. Unruly little curls stick out from underneath the hat, and clipped to the pockets of his coat are matching little gloves that look like fox paws--and the sound that escapes her would be embarrassing in anyone else’s company.

“You found the fox hat picture,” Robin says, not looking up from the risoto.

“How did you know?”

“That’s… usually the response it earns.”

She laughs a little. “He’s just so cute.”

“I know,” Robin says, grinning. “He was obsessed with that hat.”

“Was he?” she asks, her brow arching. “Or were you.”

“I think it was a little of both.”

“I’m sure--”

“He didn’t like his ears to be cold, so he’d try to sleep in it.”

“And I’m sure you let him.”

“Of course,” Robin replies easily, chuckling softly. “I’d come into his room and his head would be pressed against the mattress, those little ears poking up, and his butt in the air--”

“That’s adorable--”

“It was,” he agrees. “It was a sad day when I realized it no longer fit him. I still have it, though.”

“I’m sure you do,” she says, finally placing the frame back on the table next to the chair, but keeping her eyes on Roland’s smiling little face. “That’s a keeper.”

“Mm,” he murmurs, “I… always sort of hoped I’d get to use it again.”

She blinks, her shoulders stiffening a bit as she looks back to him. He’s grinning sweetly and he looks a bit unsure--and when a slow grin edges onto her lips, a smile breaks out across his making her heart skip a beat and her stomach flutter.

“Just a thought… for another time.”

She nods, biting on her lip. “Definitely,” she agrees, distracted by what that might mean and finding herself enjoying the prospects. Now, isn’t the time, of course, but it's easy to get caught up in the maybes with him, easy to picture a future with him, and it's reassuring to know that she’s not alone and they both seem to be headed in the same direction.

But for now, she decides as a timer dings, she just wants to enjoy a quiet dinner and see where the evening takes them.

[limeros]

I hate Rowan Whitethorn!

Alright people, the time has finally come. Time for me to rant and roast the one and only Rowan Whitethorn (aka Rowboat Whiteporn), the worst fictional character ever created. Am I being dramatic? Maybe. I have tried hard to try and like him, to see why people love him so much. Usually, if I hate a character that people love, I usually can see why people love them. But with Rowan I can’t. Literally everything about him makes me cringe. Every time I see him or hear of him I just want to gag and punch something.

Rowan Whitethorn is a main protagonist in Sarah J. Maas’s Throne of Glass series. He is introduced in the third book in the series, Heir of Fire, as the Prince of Doranelle. He is fae and over 300 years old and has silver hair and pine green eyes. He is often described as very tall and muscular with tan skin. Many say that he is quite handsome. He is the first to join Aelin Galathynius’s court and helps her try to win back her kingdom of Terrasen.

Doesn’t sound too bad does he? Well, guess again.

Okay, I honestly did not want to hate him at first. I had several friends recommend these books for me. And one of them, her favorite character is Rowan and she loves him a lot. She kept telling me that I would. So when I met him, I was excited to see him and get to know him. I’m not kidding, I was. Let’s just say, he’s an ass in the beginning of Heir of Fire. My friend agreed with me on that and told me that he got better and that I’ll love him later on. And that was not the case. The more and more I read about him, the more and more I hated him. Like it went from dislike, to strongly dislike, to hate, to despise. Yes, you saw that right, I despise Rowan Whitethorn.

Okay, sorry that I won't have any quotes, my books are currently not with me so bear with me, I will not be using an direct quotes.

Now, when we first meet Rowan, he's this rude, moody fae male who basically hates Celaena because she won't do what he wants her to do. So he hits her, he shoves her around, he calls her horrible things. Now, I'm not a big fan of Celaena either (but that's a whole different story), but I felt bad for her because she is not in a good mental state in the beginning of this book and Rowan is just bullying her. It goes so bad at one point, Rowan bites her neck to get her to shift into fae. Yes, you read that right. Rowan fucking bit her neck. THAT IS NOT OKAY! Celaena made it clear that she wasn't able to shift on her own and instead of helping her, he bit her. And not just anywhere, her neck. A place that is very sensitive and for some people and intimate place. He bit her so hard that she started bleeding, he had her blood on his teeth. AND HE FUCKING SMILED AFTER DOING IT!

Just when you think it couldn't get any worse, after she tries to defend herself, he calls her weak and says that the world would've been better if she just died ten years ago in the frozen river. YOU DON’T SAY THAT TO PEOPLE! Especially someone who is such a horrible mental state as Celaena. And that event ten years ago is such a touchy and scarring event for Celaena so that fact that he had the guts to even bring it up is not okay. His comment here is basically telling her to go commit suicide because the world would be better off without her. As someone who has been suicidal before, this makes me so fucking mad. You never EVER tell anyone this, no matter how terrible they are.

I know Rowan stans often try to say “oh well, Celaena egged him on.” or “Well Celaena hit him too.” Yes, she did hit him, but only after he hit her first. And she did it to protect herself! She did it to try and get him to stop! So, you're saying she's not allowed to protect herself? Because, hell, I'd do the exact same thing. This man just bit me, hit me, told me the world would be better off without me, you bet my ass I'd try to hit him back to get him away from me.

Okay, yeah, he does try to redeem himself and he does help save her from monsters but still, that doesn't just erase the shit he's done to Celaena. I still find his personality repulsive.

Okay, moving into Queen of Shadows. The whole Rowan and Aelin romance came out of nowhere for me. At the end of Heir of Fire, they're like badass bffs who are Carranam. And to be completely honest, if Rowan and Aelin had stayed friends, I think I may have liked him. I'm not kidding. He may have warmed up to me and I would've probably liked him. But of course, the two singles had to become a thing, even though Rowan had a wife and mate a while ago who tragically died.

There's only, like, 3 weeks time span between the two books. And in those three weeks, Aelin (who made it clear that she only saw Rowan as a friend) is now basically in love with Rowan. Um, okay? And this leads to another reason as to why I hate Rowan. Chaol’s character development. Now before you yell at me “Kels, what does Chaol have to do with Rowan?” hear me out. In Heir of Fire Chaol had really good development and really grew as a character. And even though he still felt something for Aelin, he was fine with not ever having a chance with her again. And Aelin still feels something for Chaol, maybe not romantically, but at least some sort of human connection.

Then you have them meet again in Queen of Shadows and suddenly, in those 3 weeks, Chaol suddenly loses all his character development and acts like a little whiny bitch who hates Aelin and Aelin hates Chaol and says that she never even loved him.

“What does this have to do with Rowan?” you ask? Well, the reason Chaol is a total bitch (and so out of character, literally everything he did in that book was nothing like the Chaol I knew #notmychaol) is so Rowan Whitethorn, the perfect, sexy, fae looks like the better option as a love interest for Aelin. Yeah, that's right. SARAH J. MAAS RUINED CHAOLS DEVELOPMENT AND MADE HIM A BITCH TO MAKE ROWAN LOOK BETTER!

To be honest, I don't even care who Aelin chooses, she can choose Rowan all she wants. That even works in my favor because I ship Chaol and Dorian (which is whole different story, don't even get me started on them). So Aelin choosing Rowan means nothing to me. So that's why I'm so pissed that Sarah ruined Chaol, my favorite character, to make Rowan look better, who she clearly favors over everyone.

While we’re on the subject, I would like to state a common theory that Rowan stans think of us Anti Rowan people. They think that we hate Rowan because Aelin chose him over Chaol. I don't give a shit about that. That's not even close to a reason as to why I hate Rowan. Aelin can date whoever the hell she wants and I'd still probably hate Rowan.

Okay, moving on from that little bit, let's address on the reason Rowan is even here shall we. Oh wait, there is no point. He's been in three books, three long books and I see absolutely no reason for him to be there except to be horny and want to bone Aelin. That's right folks. He's just horny and territorial.

Let me explain. In both Queen of Shadows and Empire of Storms, Rowan is acting all horny over Aelin, a 19 year old girl. We've already established that Rowan is 300+ years old. Yep, a 300+ year old fae male is obsessing over a 19 year old girl. I'm 19 and that just makes me super uncomfortable. I don't care if he's immortal and super hot, get away from me you horny slut.

He basically spends all his time being super protective of her and not the cute protective, like the obsessive protective. He's territorial, he sees Aelin as his own, like as a thing that he owns. Not as a human being. Aelin often calls him a territorial fae bastard as a joke, but it shouldn't be a joke! It's not cool. Everyone knows that Aelin is capable of taking care of herself. Not only that, he gets all jealous and mean whenever she's around other men. Like she can't even breathe near them. How is this attractive to anyone? He's claiming her and it's not cute at all. It's so, so disturbing. Especially when he looks at her like she's an object, thinks of her like an object. He's horny and thinks of wanting to have sex with her and again, she's only 19 and that’s just super disturbing to me.

Now, into Empire of Storms he just gets even more territorial and obsessive over her. He only thinks of her, but not her, just her body and how he can have sex with her. I HATE it. Like calm down, you horny son of a bitch. Like, there is literally no point in him being there except to touch her, make out with her, and be horny over her when she's not around. If you were to take nun out of the story, the plot wouldn't really change at all. I have tried these last 3 books to see anything redeemable in him but I can't. Like, he has no redeemable qualities whatsoever.

And then there’s that dreaded Rowaelin sex scene that stans obsess over. Yeah, that quite unnecessary five page long, descriptive, sex scene. The scene that I had to suffer listening to on audio book while I drove to pick up my sister. And I couldn't skip it. So, for those five pages, I had to suffer listening to them hitting it up on a beach. I've never cringed or gagged so much in my life. Sarah literally said, and I quote, that Rowan's dick is like “velvet wrapped steel”. WHAT?? I can't believe this scene was in a YA book. There are some 13 year olds who read these and I can't imagine them having to read that. I was 18 at the time and I was scarred from it. It was honestly more graphic and descriptive than Game of Thrones and that is saying something. It wasn't much better than reading a smutty fanfic on Tumblr.

Right okay, enough of that horror. Right after, Rowan waded in the sea to keep the marks of Aelin’s fingernails going into his skin from healing. It's like he wanted the world to know that he was taken by the fingernail marks. I'm sorry, but I definitely do not want my S/O to keep my fingernail marks on him. That's disgusting. Not cute. Disgusting.

After the two hook up (which they do multiple times, ugh) Rowan says that he never felt anything like that before. Um, buddy, you had a wife and mate over 200 years ago…is Lyria chopped liver now? (Okay she is, but that's not the point.)(also, Aelin literally burst into flames while they were hooking up. Don't you love when your girlfriend bursts into flames while your having sex with her?)

And just when you think Rowan couldn't get any more territorial and annoying, he does. He's even more protective, he doesn't even allow Aelin around men anymore. He just thinks of having sex with her again. Plus he has this really weird earlobe fetish….like who gets turned on by earlobes??? It's. Really. Weird. And. Disturbing. Once again, he's only there to be horny and have sex with Aelin, nothing new honestly.

Oh and the two of them decided to get married and found out that they're actually mates??? Apparently Maeve tricked Rowan into thinking that Lyria was his mate so he'd fall in love, then she'd kill Lyria, and then Rowan would be left broken??? I just feel bad for Lyria in this situation.

And there's this thing that mates aren't able to hurt each other??? Explain the neck biting and abuse back in Heir of Fire??? They definitely were hurting each other then.

One thing that really annoys me is that Sarah spends so much time and effort to make Rowan look amazing and the best. She's always commenting on how attractive he is, many characters are constantly saying how attractive he is. How great he is. She's basically forcing her readers to fall in love with him, his perfect, beautiful self. It honestly just makes me hate him even more. He doesn't have any real flaws. He's just hot and horny.

Then there's something that Aelin says to Rowan in the fifth book, something along the lines of, “You're not human and I wouldn't expect you to be.”

So basically, every shitty thing he does like being territorial, abusive, and all these other horrible things is okay because he's not human. It's okay because he's fae. Fae are allowed to be horrible like this, because they're immortal, gorgeous, and excellent fighters. There are so many girls who find Rowan to be boyfriend goals and what they look for in a relationship! And that is so awful! Sarah J. Maas is making all of this look okay and considered attractive. No one, man or woman, should ever be like this. It's absolutely awful and disgusting. And Sarah is just romanticizing it! I despise it.

I've gotten into quite a few debates with Rowan stans about this, including a few at a Sarah J. Maas event. Sarah is an absolutely wonderful person and an amazing speaker. I love her as a human. I just don't like where she has taken these books, especially with Rowan and the other fae. While I was at the event, I came across several Rowan stans. So while we waited for Sarah to come out, I decided to strike up conversation with her. We got to the topic of Rowan and I stated my views on him, she instantly jumped to his defense. Which I'm completely okay with, I defend my favorites too. I wanted to hear why she loved him and see her reasons behind her opinion. The problem: her reasons behind loving him were that he's hot (I mean I do love me a nice hot guy, but there's always more to a guy than being hot, thanks), that he's protective, and that he's her boyfriend goals.

I stated my arguments, basically everything I've noted up above, and her reasoning to why all that's all okay. He's fae. She told me, and I quote, “That's just how fae are. It's not his fault.” So because he's fae, he can bite other women in the neck, he can be territorial, he can be constantly horny? If that's how fae are I don't want one. I want to get as far away from one as possible. Who cares if they're gorgeous and immortal.

What annoyed me the most was that as soon as the girl figured out that Chaol was favorite character, she came to the conclusion that the only reason I hated Rowan was because Aelin chose him over Chaol. Not because of all the reason I told her, but because Rowaelin was canon and Chaolaena wasn't. That's basically when I stopped talking to her.

I've had these debates with so many other stans and it always ends the same way. They're only defense for Rowan is that he's fae and it's okay for him to be like this. I want no part in that.

Okay, this is long, so in conclusion, Rowan Whitethorn is a horny, toxic, territorial bastard that I hate more than any other fictional character. And yes, that includes villains. In TOG7, all I want is for Rowan to die painfully (a nice Game of Thrones worthy death.) There's nothing more I want. And there's basically nothing this man can do to ever earn my love and devotion. I hate him that much. I honestly still do want to know why people love this man so much, he is considered one of the most beloved characters in the series, even Sarah loves him more than anyone else. I want to understand why he's just so appealing. Something besides him being hot and fae.

So yeah, that's my rant and if you made it this far, I applaud you. No doubt I'm going to get some serious hate for this, but at this point, there's no changing my mind so who cares! But to all you Rowan lovers out there, I still love you as a human, just don't understand your love for Rowan Whiteporn.

[carmenlire]

Higher than the Big Trees Ch. 8

read on ao3

Humble Pride: The Duality of Alec Lightwood Out Magazine Feature, June 2018 Article by Andrew Bronheimer Photos by Connor Murphy

Alec Lightwood. Heartthrob to millions, artist extraordinaire, last year’s Paris Fashion Week surprise when he walked down the Armani runway in a truly delectable teal suit with suitably dramatic eye makeup. Lightwood’s been the talk of the town for over a decade now. He released his very first song a week before he turned sixteen and the rest, as they say, is history.

Lightwood’s illustrious career has spanned controversy and continents and just recently has earned him the title Entertainer of the Year just a few months ago-- for the third time. For those that don’t know, Alec writes all of his songs and can play a variety of instruments including the guitar, piano, drums, and the clarinet.

Alec has just wrapped up his latest world tour. 128 tour dates, over a million tickets sold, and an estimated 700 million dollars in revenue resulted in a sold-out tour for a triple platinum album that puts this superstar at the top of his game.

We don’t see him falling anytime soon.

Because I’m obsessive about making a good impression to my guests, I showed up to the little cafe we had agreed to meet up at half an hour early. It gives me time to review my notes and take a breath, opening my mind for first impressions-- both good and bad.

The cafe in question is cute. It’s full of bright colors-- splashes of crimson mixed with ribbons of turquoise gives the place a kitschy, bohemian air. The pastry display at the front of the shop is beautiful with fluffy scones and gigantic cupcakes covered with a mountain of frosting.

It’s turning towards evening and the golden light adds to the summer ambiance. I was just debating between a piece of raspberry swirl pound cake or triple chocolate muffin when the little bell above the door chimed and in walked the man of the hour.

Alec Lightwood is even more stunning in person, dear readers. He’s sporting a five o’clock shadow that makes his face a little more rugged and his patrician features look carved from marble. He’s wearing slim fit pants in an alluring olive green with the bottoms rolled up to show surprisingly delicate ankles for such a tall man.

His navy sweater is just right, offering a lovely contrast from the pants and working well with his coloring.

Lightwood slips his sunglasses off and tucks then into the neck of his sweater. His eyes sweep across the surprisingly empty eatery before landing on me. Immediately, I’m a little intimidated. Razor sharp hazel eyes that show a surprising intelligence and his giraffe-like height are a little overwhelming when you’re a foot shorter and not expecting such attention.

In the next moment, Alec smiles and it’s a warm, engaging thing that instantly makes everything more comfortable.

We chat for a few minutes before deciding to order. Alec orders a coffee drink that is at least ninety-five percent sugar-- a concoction with caramel, mocha and whipped cream. We both choose a few pastries-- Alec goes for the dark chocolate scone-- and we settle in to our little table. He’s patient as I set my recorder up and seems content to happily munch on his baked good, giving the impression that he’s not bothered that I’m a little scattered today, of all days.

Then we begin.

Out: So, Alec, welcome back home. How does it feel?

Alec: (Laughs). Thanks, man. It feels great. I’m a New Yorker born and bred and while I love traveling nothing quite beats being home and taking that first subway ride after a while abroad.

O: You just wrapped up your latest sold-out tour. How did it compare to previous tours?

A: This tour was definitely the biggest on any scale, whether it was tickets sold, venue capacities, or effort. The crew was amazing every night, putting together sets and making sure that everything went off without a hitch. And the fans, well, they just continue to blow me away. Their enthusiasm is unmatched. While grueling-- it’s the longest tour I’ve ever done and covered the most distance-- it was indescribably brilliant. I had the time of my life and I hope everyone else feels the same.

O: World tour, check. What’s next for you, Lightwood?

A: That’s the million dollar question. I have a few months before I start recording my next album. I plan to take this summer and write most of the material for that record. Plus, I want to enjoy some time off. It’s been a year since I was last in New York and I want to get reacquainted with the city and with my family.

O: So, both work and play?

A: Yeah, I guess so. There’s always that push to think ahead in terms of my career-- what’s the next step, where can I go from here. I’ll definitely be working this summer. I have a few writing sessions lined up with artists I really admire and I’m excited to see what emerges from them. An Arrow in the Dark was a huge phase of that career, though, and coming off that album cycle kind of just leaves me with a desire to sleep for a century (laughs). I’m using this time to recharge and make my seventh album the best I can, the best I’ve ever done.

O: Can you tease anything from the next album?

A: I think this album might surprise the fans a little. I’ve been at this for over a decade. I want to stretch my legs and experiment a little. I don’t know what will make it on the record, but I need to change things up or I’ll get stale and that’s the worst thing for an artist to become.

O: So, you’re doing something different? We should prepare ourselves for something a little out of the box when we think of Alec Lightwood?

A: I guess that’s a takeaway. I just want the fans to go into things with an open mind. I’ve lived a lot in the past two years and those experiences will probably show up in my next album. I’m looking for new shit, man. I don’t want to put any parameters on my art-- who knows what’s going to come out.

O: Speaking of living a lot, you’ve been linked to several men, including Emmy-winning Actor Jason Desker. Can I ask if anything is going on there?

A: Sure, you can ask. Doesn’t mean I’ll answer. But, truthfully, there’s not much to say. Jason and I met up at an after-party and the next day rumors were swirling around about the two of us. I can tell you, 100 percent truth, that I am single and unattached. I’m not in a relationship and I haven’t been in one for years.

O: But what about all of the rumors?

A: They’re just that. Rumors. False gossip and idle speculation.

O: No one’s caught your eye, then?

A: No.

O: Okay, then. There’s the truth straight from your lips. Now, Alec, you’ve been out since almost the beginning of your career, which began when you were a junior in high school. What can you share about your own experiences coming out during such a turbulent time?

A: I’ve known I was gay since I was a little kid. Absolutely no doubt about it. It took me years to learn the name for what I felt and even longer to reconcile that part of me with everyone else’s expectations. When my family asked if there was anyone special I had me eye on, I’d shrug and deny anything, offering that school and sports were taking all of my focus. My siblings knew everything wasn’t what it seemed, but they let me have that shield to hide behind until I was ready to admit to the world that I wasn’t straight.

At the very start of my career, there was a lot of contention between a lot of parties on what my image should be. I kept quiet for months and was well into my senior year of high school when I decided to make my public move. I was the captain of the soccer team and had been going out with one of my teammates for a few months.

I was just fed up with it all. I had a hit song on the radio and the whole damn school knew about the two of us-- it was almost an open secret. The guy at the time was in the closet but ready to come out and I was standing in his way. So, the day we won the state tournament, I kissed him in front of a few thousand people out on the field. IT was an incredible high and I don't think either of us could believe what I'd just done.

Shit was a little crazy after that. The media took to the story like a house on fire and things at school and home were a little hectic for awhile. But I felt a lot of relief and everything was worth it in the end.

O: That’s quite a story.

A: (Laughs). Yeah. It was dramatic as hell and I caught a lot of heat for it, but I was just tired, you know? I was a month from graduation and planning to go on tour right after that and it was almost like, it was now or never. So, I chose now. The moment I did it was a cathartic release. All that weight just dropped from my shoulders. That isn’t to say that things were smooth sailing, because like I said there were a lot of parties that were unhappy with me and my irrevocable decision. My coming out wasn't just for my own mental health or peace of mind-- it was a deliberate business decision that I knew would impact my career from the second I went through with it, but I haven’t regretted anything. If sharing the absolute terror and relief I felt helps anyone, then I have no problem talking about my story.

O: You have a lot of fans and are a role model to many of them, especially those in our community. Do you have any advice for them?

A: I’d say, just share your truth. That sounds like such after school special bullshit but it’s true. Even if you are straight or cis, you can still be going through things that are difficult to handle or acknowledge. Once you start living your best life, is when you start really living. There will be hate and ignorance and all that bad stuff but being free and unapologetic about it is a powerful balm to any insults or accusations that might get hurled your way. Remember, there’s nothing wrong with what you feel. You’re valid and it’s going to be okay.

O: Wise words, Alec. Now that you’ve been out for almost a decade, can you share your ideal man? Give some of us some hope (laughs).

A: I don’t really have a type, man. I like intelligence and wit and kindness. I’m pretty basic that way. I can’t explain what catches my eye because it seems to change every time. I’ve been with guys who were vastly different, from a broker in the London Stock Exchange to a drummer in a Brazilian metal band. I don’t limit myself.

O: So no teasers on who we might next see you with?

A: Not really. All I can offer right now is that I’m looking for someone who sees beyond Alec Lightwood in all capital letters. I’m just a guy and when I do fall for someone it’s going to be real. Who knows when that will happen but I’m in no rush. I have a lot on my plate and things will happen when they’re meant to.

O: With that last statement, let’s end things with a fun tidbit. What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened on tour?

A: Embarrassing, huh? That’s certainly a different direction. There was that time in Dublin that I ripped my pants and my cartoon underwear showed for almost the entire concert and I didn’t know. But, I think I’d have to say that the most embarrassing thing that ever happened on stage was when I fell. It was an open arena and it was raining. Not too hard, but enough to make things slippery. I was in the middle of the dramatic chorus when I slipped like a cartoon on a banana peel. Everything was silent for a moment before I got my breath and stood up. By ass hurt like hell but I was only halfway through the set. I could feel my blush for the rest of the concert. It was awful.

O: And on that note, thank you Alec for agreeing to talk with Out Magazine.

We talked for a few more minutes, informally, before I had to leave for my next appointment. Alec was ushered by a photographer right after I left for the spread you can see in the following pages.

Lightwood is a powerhouse. He has the voice of a generation and a kind heart. He’s self deprecating and one doesn’t get the impression that he’s just another stuck-up celebrity out of touch with the average person. By all accounts, his fans are rabid over him and it’s not hard to see why. He’s a professional at all costs and is always engaging with fans on social media. With over eighty million followers on Twitter and Instagram, it’s undeniable that Alec has built an admirable foundation of support.

Watching behind the scenes videos and fan blogs, it’s obvious that there’s a rapport between Alec and his fans that not every artist is fortunate enough to have-- or cares enough to curate. There’s respect and love from both sides.

Alec Lightwood isn’t just a pretty face. He works as hard as his discography and grueling schedule indicates. The day we had the interview, Alec had a meeting with his record company board and met with the people at ABC for his Good Morning America appearance. His day didn’t end until almost dawn, as the photoshoot took hours after our sparse dinner. But Lightwood didn’t complain. A trooper, he seemed genuinely interested in our conversation and from what the photographer and wardrobe team told me, he took direction well and had fun with the shoot-- even though he had been up for almost twenty four hours at that point.

Alec Lightwood is an enigmatic man. He guards his life zealously. Everyone sees him stumbling out of clubs with a different guy on his arm every week. Everyone has seen his interviews and fans catch glimpses of the man behind the scenes, but that’s all they are. Brief looks into the private life of America’s favorite celebrity.

It makes one wonder about what lies beneath the surface. From our conversation, Alec had a wit and bluntness that’s admirable in the upper echelons of America’s darlings. He has a brother that owns an award-winning gym in Brooklyn with a mile-long waiting list and a sister that’s featured on countless magazine covers herself-- Isabelle Lightwood is set to appear in the Victoria’s Secret show in the fall and has racked up quite a following of her own.

This family is determined and, above all, generous. It’s been a pleasure watching Lightwood grow from the somewhat awkward teen to the self-assured man he is now, comfortable with his fame and the scrutiny of millions. This is the second time Lightwood has graced our Magazine’s cover and it’s always a delight. I, and the team at Out Magazine, wish Alec Lightwood all the luck on his next album. We can’t wait to hear it!

An Arrow in the dark, Lightwood’s sixth studio album and latest release, is out now and can be found online and in-store at a variety of merchants. See below for more details.

At the time of press, Chocolate Raspberry, his latest single, had sold over five million copies and was topping the charts at No. 1.

Word on the street has it that fans can expect another single to drop soon-- the acoustic and dark-toned Empty Hearts.

[0tivez]

Every message I sent on Tumblr I revise like an essay. I just need to activate Grammarly smh. And thank you for being so welcoming :D I think id probably need a bit of time to come off anon bc as of lately im insecure lmfao so maybe I can be 🥳 anon? Thats my favourite emoji bc of the details. Like the little thingies falling on it? a work of art

Everyone in AOT can die and ill be alright, but as soon as a KFC sign enters my field of view? guaranteed breakdown. Tbh, maybe its me being easily impressed by anything, but I've never seen better written characters than in JJK. Theres just something about them that's just, so beautifully fleshed out and so painfully human it hurts in a good way. Its so easy to see them as real people, which makes it even easier to feel for them and connect. My new goal is to be able to write characters like those in JJK.

I'm also bitter over aot. I don't know why. I think I just felt like the story went askew and I ended up hating it.

I was introduced to the anime through a tiktok about Nanami and a cd drama that his VA did about an elevator? And...Yeah I really liked the voice so I decided to check the anime/manga. Wait no, I actually just went to Tumblr and searched "Nanami x reader" and AFTER THAT I checked the anime and the manga. I just remembered that's how it went I- I also went to google to check if he you know to see if it was safe to get emotionally attached...it wasn't safe to get emotionally attached but I dismissed it and now here I am crying over books I bought but haven't read yet

Shakespeare's tragedies have NOTHING on Gojo Satoru. That man is the best written, developed tragedy to ever exist in this essay I will...

Don't watch sweet magnolias. wouldn't recommend it now. its so I don't know. Netflix doesn't have the office in my country :,) but I do look at a random place irl all the time as if I was in the office if that makes up for anything :p I don't have the patience to watch anything anymore TT spoilers are right there and I have to retrain my attention span.

Using anime as escapism just became my go to ngl. Its better than thinking about college acceptance and the future bc I can be whoever I want in fics (I can literally be a housewife and have a househusband at the same time). ALSO! anime ops slap. Im obsessed with Komi can't communicate's opening! its so cute and I love it. JJK's opening just makes me cry (still really good)

Theres also this post which reminded me of your bio (? the place where u write things under the blog title? is that the bio?) but apparently I can't link or send media anymore when I'm on anon :,)

aot deaths just became so routine that i'm basically unbothered (except for a few ahem) but yeah i think a big reason why jjk upsets me a lot is the fandom and how they manage to dig up every single detail. i also fell in love with geto through fics lolol this fandom is just something else... gege is an incredible writer and with every new chapter, i'm just amazed at how he can come up with such creative characters. wish we knew more about him honestly, he's an interesting person himself. i mean look at fujimoto, a fucking lunatic and i love him for that. istg if we ever get a collab/interview of them together i would die

i know lots of people hate the aot ending but i found it appropriate and bitter. yeah it's not perfect but it's not as horrible as people make it out to be. i wish we had more chapters, it felt p rushed but still, thinking about all the other manga endings, aot falls to a decent place imo

my introduction to anime journey is long but for jjk, my best friend told me about it, we were watching aot s4 and jjk was still releasing. we didn't have time to watch it and stuff but i remember getting spoiled about nanami KMWKSEMDWSDF we nicknamed nanami as blonde daddy and megumi as jjk levi. i also remember being ahocked that megumi was 15 and gojo was 28 AND nanami being younger than gojo LMAOO i read the manga before watching the anime. i was thinking "if i read 2 chapters everyday, it won't hold me back from studying and i can finish it in summer".... yeah i finished it in a week

omg dont get me started on the camera thingy. i watched fleabag before the office and ugh i just keep staring into the void, it's so fun especially with how i constantly narrate everything in my head

anime is probably the best way for escapism. a big reason why i love evangelion is exactly this, it punched me in the face. i relate to shinji a lot in that way, it was like breaking the fourth wall lol. anime ops dont have to slap that hard but they do. my top listened song on spotify was boku no sensou since it got released lol it might be one of my favorite songs of all time. shinsei kamattechan is such an underrated band tbh. other than that, jjk openings send me to the orbit every time i listen to them. the new aot op??? orgasmic. a cruel angel's thesis? give me the mic and i will pour my soul into it. renai circulation??? it used to be my breakdown song. i would cry to it, not kidding.

have a great day/night babe